#Okay fine I'm already there you got me
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Goal: Be normal
Obstacle: Watching literally any interpretation of Treasure Island, apparently
#Why's it Stevenson again. What has he done for me lately (Jekyll and Hyde)#That was like the one book that I just straight up refused to read in school and it's back to haunt me#And honestly I'd be fine if it was just one thing! But no it's a weird fucked up web of loving stuff!#'Cause first of all it's RLS as previously states - Jekyll and Hyde author (love) which just puts me in a clone/doppleganger state of mind#Okay fine I'm already there you got me#But then you've got me in a pirates mood which my brain Is Still After All This Time in love (love!) with the Pirate Fic#And it super doesn't help that Treasure Planet is also sci-fi as if I wasn't aliens enough lol#But like the relationship between Silver and Hawkins and growing into your own person and just jfskalfsdf#Stop being good! Stop it! You're giving me Feelings and Feelings spawn Ideas and I Am Trying To Edit!!#I am backlogged to fuck btw I am suffering :'D I legit might have to pump the breaks I have so much to edit#We're talking in the hundreds - meanwhile my brain is trying to point me back to the Pirate Fic because look ♥ Authors (love) Stories (love)#Stop your nonsense! I'm trying to focus!#Doesn't help that I haven't drawn for a couple days either so The Energy is building meanwhile I'm trying to wall up against the flood#Stop making! The two halves are out of whack! I'm making way way Way more than I can keep up with!#Editing has gotten boring as well which is :/ It did used to be relaxing but I'm just so impatient now#I want to draw! But then I also want to show off what I've drawn! But I want it to be pretty!#I need to tear through this notebook - drawing brain likes this idea and editing brain hates it - 'cause the paper is subpar :/#Dark lines with a grain that catches graphite not fun to work with - fine to draw on but a pain to edit#Anyway lol ♪ Back to what I was doing before#Update: WAIT I forgot the Feelings I had about Arrow fjdslakfdjf#The dynamics are non-specific and apply all the way around because I say so
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I think for all the discussions we have of "everyone hears the jokes and the piano; after that, they stop listening" surrounding Louis, we tend to still simplify his connection to the piano.
Yes, it's very cute that he sings Clementine a little song when they first meet, and it's very cute that he plays a little prank on her while "tuning" the piano. It's super cute that they carve their initials into the piano and Clementine carves a heart around them. It's mega cute that he names his song he wrote after her when she confesses her feelings. Louis playing Don't Be Afraid at the party is, in my opinion, one of the best moments in all of TFS.
But here's the thing: That piano is Louis' heart.
I don't mean to go all metaphorical on you, but I'm dead serious—the piano is Louis' heart, and when you think about his arc and his romance route with that in mind...?
That piano is his one comfort in a world where the dead walk. It's been with him from the beginning of the outbreak. We know from his backstory that Louis wanted to take singing lessons so he could be a real musician, and his father denying him of that was what set him off to be a "vindictive fuckhead." Louis never got those singing lessons, and it's a very real possibility that Louis taught himself how to play.
Sure, others could've taught him; we know Minerva was musically talented, perhaps she showed him a thing or two. But learning piano, or any instrument, is brutal even with professional guidance. It takes hours of practice until numbness wears fingertips raw; dedication to memorize every key and finger placement to make music pleasing to the ear; self-discipline to keep going through every fumble, every failure, every single cruel thought of self-doubt; intelligence and a creative ear to write his own songs.
And yet, it's severely under-appreciated by everyone. It's annoying. It's distracting. It's unimportant. It's an excuse for Louis to mess around and not do any real work. He doesn't have any actual talent. The music and the piano are brushed off, unheard.
Yet, Louis keeps playing. He keeps singing. He keeps making jokes.
Creating music, the one thing he wanted so badly as a kid that he destroyed his parents marriage, was possibly the greatest comfort he had... a welcome distraction to disassociate from the horror and death happening around him.
It's bittersweet, like a purpling bruise that you can't stop pressing on; it hurts, but there's something else below the pain. The piano is out of tune and it's something that brings him joy... but will always act as a constant reminder of who he was and what he did, why he's at Ericson to begin with.
We first meet him while he's playing; Louis' heart is exposed, but is it really? Is he playing to his true potential? Louis hides behind the mask of a charming, charismatic goof. It's what is expected of him, so he plays a silly song intended to poke and prod at Clementine, to gauge a reaction. That's something we see him do at multiple points in episode one. In fact, we can consider a majority of episode one to be like the song he's playing when we meet him; it's mostly cheery or fast-paced.
Louis is able to soothe AJ with his "alluring" music after the kid bit Ruby is an indication that the two of them will share a bond. Louis is a natural at communicating and bonding with the younger kids [another talent that's overlooked] so it's interesting that he praises AJ for being a natural at piano, as well.
But the song stutters just a bit when Louis and Clementine are in the woods together, though; "There's only one guarantee: this moment. That's the only you got, only thing any of us got. Might as well enjoy it." ...Only for Louis to compose himself and send her away.
It's only when Clementine has a gun in her face, held by Marlon, that the music isn't fun anymore; it's rainfall and thunder and the words "I thought you were more than that" sung through the wind in a melody only Louis can hear.
Then Marlon's dead. The song is over, and reality has arrived.
I've talked at length about Louis in ep2 and his vote in the past. It's one of the most compelling things about Louis' arc and romantic route. It's a tragic mistake driven by trauma and guilt. It's people simultaneously telling him to shut up and telling him to be angrier than he is. Telling him to stop burying his head in the sand when he's never been more aware of everything happening. It's AJ peering up at him with pleading eyes that Louis can't stand to look at. It's Clementine wrapping his heartstrings around her fingers and tugging just enough to hurt, but not break.
Louis missed Clementine. He says as much when Clementine admits she missed him first. I don't even know where to begin with that! I can think of no other way to describe it other than they are half agony, half hope over this... and if you get that reference, you get a gold star. I just- the ache, the tension, the conflicting feelings of finally having a quiet moment to talk but Louis not being ready yet.
Y'know how someone carved "you suck at playing" in the side of the piano? It's something you might not initially notice while playing the game, just as Louis' insecurities aren't apparent at first.. but they're carved in him; never fully healed, still scabbed and bleeding... Until Clementine offers him a bandage.
She won't clean the wound for him, but she'll be there. She'll help him figure out how to do it himself so he can heal. She'll listen to him, not belittle his feelings or pain. She'll make an effort to know his keys and notes and practice playing his song until she understands.
When Clementine chooses him to spend time with him, it's a mirror of their first time meeting... but this time, Louis plays something real: a song he wrote, one that I believe he crafted during the two week time skip... a song he wrote with Clementine on his mind, for better or worse.
If the piano is Louis' heart, he literally asks her to sit there and try to tune it, which ends up being a joke but I say she's already tuned your heart, my guy. It's there before them, changed in the warm candlelight. He plays for her and opens up about how no one actually listens, but Clementine did.
And remember, this is the night of the raid. They don't know it's coming, but they know it'll be soon. Louis understands that he could very well die, so what does he do? He carves his initial into the one thing he's always had, and he asks Clementine to do the same.
I'm sorry, how are we NOT more feral about this? Prior to this scene, the only thing we see carved into the piano, into Louis' heart, is an insult. This thing that Louis cares so deeply about, this instrument that's become so intertwined with who he is... he wants to leave his mark on it just in case he dies. A reminder that it was his and he belonged to it just as much. Something so important, and he asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart where no matter what, they will be immortalized together in this moment.
And when Clementine carves a heart around their initials? Yes, his reaction is very cute and that's great... but she's not ashamed of him, or her feelings for him. She wants everyone who looks upon his heart to know that. She tells him how she feels and Louis is so giddy, and warm, and he names the song after her and I am going to start biting anything that moves, I can't-
Oh, and let's discuss the party scene in episode three, shall we? Y'know, where the heart covered initials are on full display? Where Louis tells the story of why he was sent to Ericson to everyone?
Louis is so... vulnerable. Sincere. Ashamed of what he did. This is the exposed nerve, the one he was so afraid of showing Clementine but there it is... and she doesn't reject him. Sure, she can say it's fucked up if you choose to, but she doesn't break up with him over it.
Also the fact that everyone sitting around him finally listens when he's at his most unshielded only for Tenn to ask him to play Don't Be Afraid for them after...? How do you not see the connection? Are you trying to make me cry? In that moment, Louis' heart was heard and appreciated and beautiful and strong and-
Listen. I am fine. I'm so normal about this. And fine. I'm fine.
But I also have to add that during the walk in episode four, if you let Louis choose what to add to the imaginary house, he picks a brand new piano because he wants a new heart to reflect the confidence and growth Clementine helped him achieve and because he loves her and AJ so much that wants the new heart to not just be his but also theirs and I am so fine with this, okay.
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kirby-the-gorb · 1 year ago
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doctorsiren · 1 month ago
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sorry i haven't been active the past week (i've been enjoying family time)
here's a JJK oneshot I typed up today because we finished S2 yesterday and i need to pretend i'm okay :')
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HAVING THE MOST "FUCK IT WE'LL DO IT LIVE" LATE YULE OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
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tacocat37 · 29 days ago
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#tw vent#ew yucky vent lmaoo#Love waking up in the morning to my dad#drunk#being accused of things making cry 5 times and hyperventilating when he hells at me for#crying#and saying should be grateful I have a dad#also love how he admitted to me he was shit#i defended him#he told me to stop and he could tell i was lying and that i hate him ( i dont) then later hes said the same thing#(didnt defend him that time) and he got super mad at me for not defending him and called me a bad daughter#he told me he could change if he wanted to but he doesn’t think there's anything to change#he's literally such a narcissistic it's insane#that day was wild#cried 6 times had a panic attack and relapsed after month crazy ass day#what do you mean you could've took me away to Albania without my mother and raised me like a Hitler but you didn’t because you're a good da#he was fine the next day though so idek i feel like i can't complain i feel like such a baby#he's like all you need to raise kids with is love i don't do anything for you guys (me and my brother) i don't know anything about you guys#but i loved you and look how you turned out! (my mother's doing love her shes the best) but also like saying u love me and then yelling at#me and mot caring about my life or putting in effort for me has given me a fucked up idea of what love is#and i also have no idea how to differentiate a good person and a bad person#so thats great lmaoo#i have hope though my mom is amazing a he's not that bad tbh he's gonna give me a really messed up view of trust ik cause i already have it#but it's okay lol I'll fix it all and it'll all be fine I'm still young and optimistic#forgot this also not to shit talk but why are you threatening your daughter if she breaks up you and your girlfriend?? when shes hasn't#done anything to indicate that she wants that in any way? why is it my job to save the relationship you messed up 💀#anyway bye lol peace :3
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keeps-ache · 13 days ago
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i have a new hobby! i enter a random word into youtube music's searchbar and scroll until i find songs with 0 listens and then vibe :3
#just me hi#ough the soundssssssssssssssssssssssssss#i already spend like hours just browsing and vibing why not find new stuff !!#i have found a couple that i love ouuuuuu#it's a lotta fun i just shouldn't have started doing this last night at 11 LMfhsfhvj#only thing is that's it So annoying bc ytm doesn't let you filter by listens so you have got to scroll for a bajillion years :/#which is fine. on a phone :) makes sense why i never thought to do this on my puter tho kfshvhfjs#/okay wait no there's another thing WHYYYY do these people never have lyrics listed#i KNOW you prolly think 'ah who will need them? :/' ME. I NEED THEM#i can't understand unfamiliar voices dude i need HELP#/<- fully realized this at work like a couple weeks ago when people kept trying to talk to me and it wasn't computing Fjsgjsfhgj#like it takes like 3-5 conversations until it doesn't take effort. functional software 👍💥#//but anywhooooooooooooooooo BIRDS#i love albatross. looking at them with my big eyebolls#they're neat. and. cool#was reading the wikipedia for them yesterday and i contain bird knowledge :)#almost started rambling to my mother abt them like i was 5 again hjfshgjs#i like them. [the eyeballs]#//and i have gotta finish this funkin thing i'm working on but i need to make a DECISION. something i am Historically bad at lmaoo#i have used the trusty spinny wheel and discarded it's hallowed opinion. asked my brother and you know what he has a point actually so#m gonna get on it. but let it be known. i am chewing through tires as i drag myself through it hjfhsgjjfs#/but YEAH here i go Toodles !! ~+~+~+~
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bidokja · 2 years ago
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me doing my damnedest to tell people that kim dokja gets isekai'd literally more times than you can count on one hand, and yet there's still people in the notes going UHMMM HE WASN'T TECHNICALLY ISEKAI'D like. man. they aren't even lying for the bit either, like. at least it'd be funny if they were, but nah they're just Wrong and confident about it sjhdgf
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mel-loly · 9 months ago
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oi. mel emrma jmgfmm hmmm nao sei finge que eu disse algo muito foda é isso te amo/p tenha um bom dia
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Hey Mike!
(Orange in English and white in Portuguese)
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Kk- tudo bem, não tem problema! Mandando qualquer coisa já tá bom, muito obrigado, viu? Te amo/p também e tenha uma boa noite/dia(a hora que você estiver vendo essa resposta-)!💖
Lol- it's okay, no problem! Sending anything is already something, thank you very much. I love you too/p and have a good night/day (whenever you see this answer-)!💖
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chickie-birdies · 2 years ago
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Hello, it's been a while!
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Today I accidentally acquired two baby Wyandottes
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thepoisonroom · 2 years ago
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when people decide you're upset with them and develop a whole conspiracy theory of your behavior and then try to get out in front of it by being like "hey i couldn't help but notice this tiny thing and ascertain that you hate me which is fine of course" like! no one likes that! take me at my word or perish!
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keepitdreamin · 2 years ago
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If you're wondering how I'm doing at 3am, I just spent a harrowing 20 minutes trying to get a collar back on this dog, the whole time worrying he was gonna bite me and I was gonna have to wake up my grandparents to drive me to an ER 🙃🫠
But hey! Good news no dog bites for me and now his electric fence collar doesn't look like it's about to fall off if he does one good shake so he can go back to avoiding me completely outside
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sunnywalnut · 5 months ago
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No but I'm still looking for the Denny's that is still in the middle of nowhere
having cis guy friends is so funny like youll ask if they wanna hang out and theyll send you to the dark woods
#no joke#my brother. fresh out of the house. 19#years old. rolls up to our house right after midnight with a car full of teenagers. tells me and my little sister to get in.#obviously we're asking questions. where are we going. how long are we going to be gone. what are we doing. why are all these people in here.#the whole shebang#he answers NONE of them.#so we get in the back seat. I'm being gay with my friend at the time. and we're chilling listening to tunes on the radio.#except now they're talking about a Denny's. i look to the front seat where my brother is driving and he pulls up pictures on his phone#of the inside of somebody's. house. What?#and if that wasn't weird enough. we had already driven 20 minutes off a sideroad into the middle of nowhere. nothing but grass#and a big ol barn/farmhouse that looks like it came straight out of a Scooby Doo snapshot. it's dark as hell out. the lone building appearin#blue in the dark. with a single orange lantern lit hanging from the top. i look to my brother who has never lead me astray before.#and I feel like i am part of Scooby Doo. five teenagers in a car. in the middle of the night. wondering where the hell Denny's went.#now finally my brother has some wits to him. and we take a tight u turn and turn ourselves around. good. shows over right? WRONG.#this bitch pulls up YET ANOTHER place on his phone and starts driving 15 MINUTES UP ONTO A DIRT ROAD AND KEEPS DRIVING.#we're going to a haunted bridge boys!#in the middle of the night! at like 3am! the witching hour! great plan broski. sounds awesome. good thinking there.#we get to this haunted bridge. and this mf is barely 5ft across. but the water below is dark and murky and my lil sis INSISTS she sees a#dude down below. so I'm silently freaking out because what the hell do i say to that. she's like. 13. i tell her it'll be okay. because#that's what big/middle bros do. we drive over the bridge. nothing happens. cue relaxation. my brother is audibly disappointed#“well that was useless” bro you almost took us to Denny's in some cannibalistic farmdudes basement. i think I'll take the barely haunted#bridge. my brother. who still wants to show us an adventure. and probably save face in front of his friends. flips us around yet again and#starts heading off into a whole NEW direction. towards the World's Largest Gas Station!#it is like 4am by now. we're hungry. we're cramping. losing our marbles with exhaustion. and still processing our latest episode with the#Mystery Machine. so fine. I'm taking a nap. just don't get us killed in the long run.#we survived. btw. if that wasn't obvious. and we did actually make it to The World's Biggest Gas Station. and it was pretty fun.#as far as gas stations go at least. i got some honey sticks and a lollipop in the shape of a bear. i don't really like honey. but it wascute#there were walls FILLED with stuffed animals.a whole clothing department. a candy shop. and even a full fledged restaurant on the other side#i think there were even two levels to it? i can't remember. but anyways. we eat. we leave. we survive. end of story.
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midnightwind · 16 days ago
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yeah I still hate the story beats around killing Ghilan'nain the second time around lmao this coulda been so mean, but instead it's suuuuper rushed
#I continue to dream of hunting CEOs for sport over this#I wish they had gotten the time and resources to set up the regrets#instead of speed running all of them in rapid succession#I'm also just... so fucking tired of Elgar'nan showing up to say a random sentence at me and then fuck off#I wish more companions could have become Hardened so when you're hearing them all sniping at you#as you fall into the prison there was real weight and bite behind those words#the reality that yeah they /could/ believe all that#instead of feeling like “my friends would /never/ say that we're all besties I did their quests”#like it's very power of friendship feeling#and at the end of the day it's all /fine/#they did what they could with the time and resources they had#but I see the potential I see all the threads they were clearly weaving together#and had to snip early#and I'm so mad for them! I'm furious at what they had to abandon because they had to make the game 3 times over!!#chewing on glass#also add fights are kind of bland and I feel like a proper throw down with Ghil#should have been with some unique beasties or a new one that would transform into other bosses#to use their mechanics and junk#instead of just... generic darkspawn... mother of monsters who only has 4 monsters feels bad lol#god sorry okay#I already went on a huge ass rant about this section when I first beat the game#and this is just rehashing my gripes#I adore the first 2/3 of this game but I fucking hate the gods they're implemented So Poorly#Ghil could have been the most fucked up scientist to ever live#and El coulda been such a bastard tempter and manipulator#and instead we got saturday morning cartoon villains who don't even have a proper goal#ajsdhajshd whateverrrr it's fine it's fine it's fine#trying to finish my Shadow Dragon run while tired was maybe a mistake#I'm adoring my Neve romance tho there's good angst here#and she has Very nice scenes 10/10 wish we got more energy like this in general
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dmumt · 24 days ago
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genuine question is having a flatmate ever a pleasant experience
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#big rant in the tags#i love my flatmate as a friend we get on great (we were friends already) but my godddd i'm pulling my hair out rn#life was so peaceful when i lived alone i want that back so bad it was so chill i didn't have to worry about anything#genuinely why is it so hard for people to be clean. and take the fucking bins out. and just wipe the table after they get crumbs everywhere#and i get that my standards of cleanliness are very high im not expecting that i know it's not gonna be spotless all the time#but there should at least be some sort of attempt. i've not seen her get the hoover out or mop ONCE. and it's always me taking the fucking#genuinely her gf has cleaned up more than she has. but they generate so much mess together and never fucking clean it#came back saturday night after being at home for 2 1/2 weeks (she'd already been back for a week with her gf) and the bins were piled high#and the sink was just so gross with food and stains and gross shit idek and the floor clearly hadn't been hoovered since i did it before#i left to go home. and her and her gf have got so many little kinder toys and lego pieces out on the shelves in the living room so it looks#all messy and listen that'd be fine if she was the one dusting those shelves but it's always me having to wipe down the surfaces and it's#so annoying having to move everything each time. bear in mind she has the bigger room so she has space for all that stuff in there#and today i got home from uni went to grab a bowl and tbh at least her gf had unloaded the dishwasher but she'd put away a bowl that#clearly hadn't been washed properly by the dishwasher how do you see something like that and put that away in the cupboard#i probably sound insane rn but it's so fucking annoying to have to clean up after another person yet alone another person's gf#and before u say just talk to her 1) i have already when i first had to have a conversation with her about her gf coming to stay for 1 mont#that's a whole other issue and 2) i shouldn't have to constantly remind a grown adult to fuckin clean up after themselves in a shared space#thank fuck we have separate bathrooms because i would kms i fear#thing is in february and march im gonna be out of the city for one of my placements i'm already stressed enough about having to move#and i want to be able to come back at the weekend to recharge and see friends but im just scared that it'll be a mess whenever i do#idk man i just think it's disrespectful like this has been my home for over 3 years i care about this flat a lot and it pisses me off to#see shit that gets spilt on the floor not getting cleaned up.... okay enough i just got myself all worked up again#.txt
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maddy-ferguson · 2 months ago
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had my first class where i was the teacher today how crazy is that
#it was kind of bad but mostly okay#and even if it had been worse than it was i'm literally a student this was my first time ever i'm supposed to suck#it was supposed to be me and the girl i'm with but she was sick today so i did it by myself and i kind of wanted to do it by myself for the#first time anyway because she would have been better than me and the kids would have been like she's great she sucks and this way they were#only like she sucks. and that's okay. she went to the doctor and she got two days off so unless she miraculously gets better i'm gonna be#by myself all day tomorrow too😔 with the teacher we're with. that we're like shadowing. and i'll teach a class by myself again. i think#after tomorrow we only have two more opportunities to do it so we'll probably do one together and she'll do one by herself#doing it together is gonna be so weird i think. like you would think it would make it easier but i don't think it's gonna work like that it#might make it even weirder. but it's a good experience to have and it's gonna be fine#i said i sucked and it was bad but i didn't SUCK. it was just kind of what you would expect from someone teaching for the very first time.#it wasn't terrible it wasn't great i was more comfortable at the 52nd minute than i was at the 6th minute#11-year-olds btw#that i kind of already knew by name because we spent a full day with them like went to all their classes with them for a day in october#tomorrow it's gonna be kids i don't know at all i have their names and their pictures but i know not being sure is gonna bother me😔#and like i say: brf slt
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