#Ok sorry I'm normal again
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Al Haitham feels like he would've bullied me mercilessly in high school. I can vividly imagine him as one of those smarmy full of themselves assholes who speaks in the know it all tone and looks down on everyone figuratively but also literally because he's so god damn tall. But the teachers let it slide because he's just sooo smart and talented
#I hate him. I hate him so much. I want to knock him over and BITE HIS SMUG STUPID BEAUTIFUL FACE.#Grrryapyapyap#Barkbarkyapyapyap#Rrrrgh#Ok sorry I'm normal again#General barks
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I am a good person. I am a powerful person, I don't believe in evil. I think that evil is an idea created by others to avoid dealing with their own nature. I understand my own nature, good and evil have nothing to do with it.
#this is specifically post canon in a way idk how to articulate and also pertains to super specific headcanons idk how to articulate either.#I'm normal. I'm normal . I'm normal#The implications of Tommy becoming gman didn't do anything to my brain chemistry it's like fine. I'm like. Normal.#[LIE DETECTED]#SORRY . YOU CAN TRY AND ASK ME ABOUT IT BUT ILL PROBABLY JUST. MAKE NOISES AND GESTURE VAUGELY#it's so fucked. It's so fucked up. Oh my god#tommy coolatta#benry#benrey#hlvrai#half life vr ai#half life vr but the ai is self aware#...#tomrey#..........#CAUSE LIKE. OK. its implied gman does Something with Benry at the end of hlvrai. I think he's in some form of stasis like gordon.#do you guys remember. Holly's benry stream. Yeag#BUT LIKE... OKAY.... with Tommy being gman this is again not just some creep keeping anyone in stasis. It's TOMMY.#It's TOMMY and those are his FRIENDS yknow.#Is he protecting benry? Is he protecting everyone else from benry? WHOS TO SAY . who's to say.#I don't knowwwwwwwwwwwww#ouuighhghhh#This could be a companion piece to the Tommy & Gordon one I did months ago. Aoughhh#My art
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i rewatched the persona 3 stage plays and i'm insane about shinjiham all over again. what do you MEAN she had a dream where she talked to him before the final battle and they promised to see each other again? what do you MEAN he speaks the last words in the whole entire play, "I'm here, Kotone. Just like we promised," implying that it was a SHARED dream???
oh and don't even FUCKING get me started on this
#shinjiham#persona 3#shinjiro aragaki#kotone shiomi#persona 3 the weird masquerade#persona#foolmoon#did i really forget to tag foolmoon? i'm a dumbass#the way he fucking looks at her i can't 😭😭#bitch he reached out to her and she grasped his hand and then i 😭#ray fujita & kana asumi amazing fucking job i'm sobbing#also ray fujita fine as hell!!! they could not have cast shinjiro any better#sorry persona 3 just makes me go crazy#mine#persona 3 spoilers#i guess??? portable is 15 years old but i guess people are getting into p3re so. there#RAAAGH THEY DRIVE ME CRAZYYYYY#ok sorry. normal again#FUCK why didn't i post this on october 4th#shinjiro posting#update: now with better quality!#i have another post captioning what they said but like just Look At Them
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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I'M BACK GUYS
IT WAS AMAZING
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY GOSH GUYS I LOVE IDKHOW SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY PUT ON SUCH A GREAT SHOW I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😊🫶❤️ I'M SO HAPPY I GOT TO GO, IT WAS WORTH ALL THE STRESS LEADING UP TO IT AND I JUST HAD AN AMAZING NIGHT 😁🫶🩷 I LOVE YOU IDKHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And sorry to everyone concerned about me, I hate to say this (/hsrs /lh), but...
HE IS HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Ohhhhhhhhh my god I was standing there the whole time flustered out of my GOURD 🫣 Forget being subdued, I want that man(?) BAD
#dru speaks#all in all i had an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing night 😁🩷#like it was unbelievably incredible. idkhow puts on such an amazing amazing amazing show 🫶❤️#i hope a billion pictures and videos are posted from tonight cause i want to reblog them all a million times X3 🩷#and addressing the elephant in the room um. yeah. i'm down HORRENDOUS#IT'S SO BAD WHY WAS HE SO SEXY 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I NEED HIM-#*consumed by lust voice* yeah i'm just feeling pretty subdued and restrained about him rn#you might see a bit more dallon and selfship on your dash in the near future again 😶#sorry but what am i supposed to do after being mere feet away from the sexiest guy on earth??#<33#ok hi. i'm normal 😁#😊🫶 <33
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Quick question, have we figured out why Richard is so damn ATTRACTIVE??? Like he was so fine during the Mutter and MiG Era but he's even better now??? Sir I have questions!!!! What is it about you that's so addictive??? And that belly??? A MASTERPIECE!!!! He needs to pay for my rehab I'm dying over him at this point lmao
Hi hello how did you get into my head and write down exactly what I think about daily?? Because I'm still so fascinated regarding how he changed over the years, while remaining so enticing and attractive, always reinventing himself a bit, experimenting with different looks and styles while maintaining his overall vibe and aesthetic 😌 This of course includes his physique and wonderful chunkiness, but I'll shamelessly use this ask to venture out in earlier decades, to appreciate this man in all his glory 😩 (I hope that's alright with you)
Let's take a tiny look at Mr. Richard Z. Kruspe over the years, just to process this delicious evolution of his:
Very early on we had a lean Richard with the dreads, for some a no-go, for others quite a charming look (i know exactly i'm not the only one who's down for dreadlock Richard 👀), picture from ca. 1993:
In the beginning of Rammstein, we have some brown and blond haired, somewhat muscly Richard (ca. 1995/1996):
Then of course the ethereal look of Live aus Berlin (recorded in 1998) and his general style during the Sehnsucht era (Viva interview from 1997):
Moving on to the Mutter era, the first time his iconic spiky black hair was introduced to the world (picture from 2001 in Tallinn, gif from 2001 at the Velodrom Berlin):
He maintained a similar style and physique (very much toned and gym-trained I guess) or a while, for example during Völkerball (recorded in 2005):
or in various music videos, such as "Mein Teil" (2004) and "Benzin" (2005, albeit with some very much 2000s eyebrows):
In 2009 while LIFAD was released and during the LIFAD tour, he shortly ventured into another hair style (I won't comment, it was.. something, picture of 2009), then again back to the spiky style and tried out the mohawk (picture from 2012 I think), while parts of his typical stage outfit were born plus he's rather muscly here too:
During the festival tour 2016/2017 you can slowly see him becoming a bit broader/meatier in his physique, which I find just absolutely wonderful, plus some combacks like his spiky hair (gifs from an interview in 2018):
And slowly but surely we arrive in the current time and Richard's current style and physique: vampire coat, chicken coat, meaty and chunky Richard in all his glory:
All in all I have to say: It's so interesting to see how he changed and still stayed true to himself and his aesthetic, to his enthusiastic and genuine self while continously trying out new styles. And this includes his physique!! His appearance of course changed over the span of 30 years, that's aging for you. Of course he put on some weight - but that doesn't negate the fact that someone can be unbelievably attractive. And yes, I wholeheartedly agree, his belly now is a master piece, forged by the heavens, a gift from god, just perfection 💖
#WOW ok this took a long time to answer sorry I kind of lost track looking at.. him#this got way out of hand AGAIN#why do i have zero control over me when it comes to answering asks idk why I always go so overboard regarding richard#i'm so sorry for everyone who has to witness this obsession of mine#i promise you i'm kind of normal still#thank you for this ask!!#rammstein#richard kruspe#rzk
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little bit of modern au (SPOILERS for the zelda game.)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#zelda totk spoilers#thus ends the orufrey playing on their switches saga. oh modern au...the place where everything is pretty much ok. Yes i have joycon drift.#hey literally why do ppl leave private replies on twt. not priv qrts. that's like..fine. Whatever. but priv replies...who r u talkin to.#once i posted a comic about writing that went REALLY far before i deleted it and got 400+ qrts and someone left a string of private replies#Yeah go off king. What is the point#what does it mean. what does it all mean. <- me at all times looking at the internet in my puter and understanding nothing and just leaving#i'm obsessed with how i said that qifrey doesnt really 'identify' with link so it's hard for him to play games like this#but he cooks food and sleeps as if things are real. Oh what a mysterious fellow...my darling..meanwhile once again oru plays normally#qifrey: I don't really know who zelda is so... sorry that happened to her...bye.. Oh my stomach must be rumbling by now!#if you haven't seen the other parts to this saga he ended up caring abt zelda because he pretended to himself that she is oru. Princess Oru#i play more like qifrey btw. totk was really good
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UUUUGHGGHGHGHGH,,,,
#One my friend says that's what I look like when I talk about my hyperfixation.#They said I sounded like a maniac in one moment :[#I'll have to ask my other friends if I'm not boring them with my yapping-#-where I'm running from one detail to another trying to explain to them what I'm into#and also ask how I look when I talk about them.#And sorry about this post I'll make some normal art soon. I promise!!#I don't really hyperfix often. I can only remember the fnaf times that didn't leave me for years and now I fine....#...ok that fandom still haunts me and I can't stop watching what happens there.... but AHEM#And I never thought I'd hyperfix on anything again.#I thought I was finally free.#but now something's gone very wrong I don't know if it's normal. maybe I need help#I'm afraid it'll get to the point where I'll start telling my dad about it because it's going to be really weird.#now its funny to me because I thought I was only gonna post art on tumblr but ehehehEHEHEHAEHHASHAHFAHHAS#I think I'm getting off topic SO BYE.#.... and also there are TOO many tags IM SORRY#folli's though#< - yeah this tag can be here#shitpost#digital art#doodle#ms paint#art#hyperfixation
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I'm so weak for those two I'm sorry
#I mean obsessed psychotic in love VOX and very aroace alastor bamf#Thats a cup of tea I just LOVE#myart#fan art#fanart#Hazbin hotel#VOX#Alastor#I will move on ok I'm sorry#Back to drawing normal stuff again
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#vent post#ok to rb without screenshotting the tags but idk why you'd do that anyways#I'm once again wishing every fellow adult living with their parents a very 'I'm sorry o7'#mom's getting on my case about 'not wanting to be part of the family'#but if dinners are always silent and uncomfortable with all of us not talking then I think it's normal for me to leave the table#when I'm done eating. it's not 'not wanting to be part of the family' it's just not wanting to be somewhere awkward as hell lmfao#like oh okay sorry let me sit here for another fifteen minutes silently bc y'all ignore every conversation I try to start. jesus christ.#goddddddddddddddddddd fuck the housing market lmao#I love my family but I'd like them a hell of a lot more if I didn't live here#a little distance does wonders#anywaysssss sending love to everyone else who is perpetually stuck at home. esp oldest siblings and ill folk 🤝#we'll get out eventually#no more silent dinners and people who find your optimism and attempts to lighten the mood to be juvenile#stay miserable and pragmatic and 'realist'. no joy or whimsy. fucking whatever. I'm not sinking down to cynicism.#what's the opposite of being the moody black sheep of the family lmao. I'm the only one who seems to enjoy being unserious#ok. vent over but fr anyone else stuck at home when they don't want to be: i love you and we'll figure it out in time. things WILL work out#delete later???
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posting something edgy is so scary like AUUGUH they're gonna find out I like BLOOD and GORE and HORROR and MACABRE and DEATH being depicted in WORKS OF ART . they're going to personally escort me straight to HELL
#sory i posted edgy on the fr blog and now my brain is like AUHG They're gonna fucking Murder me dude.#this is exactly what writing cogr was like SHDKGJSDHG#I lure people in with the silly shitposts. I lure them in with the Hahas isn't this fun!! Aren't we having fun!!#and then I DROP KICK THEM VIOLENTLY with THE HORRORS.#but after drop kicking i"m like Oh my godur going to fucking kill me. u just found out about the Horror. I'm sorry#sorry for luring you in with silliness and then murdering you with 10 million bloody agonies Are you mad at me.#etc. Yea#ok it's midnight. I think this is just the stress talking. In my brain. with the 1 billion things I should be doing rn#AUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH ok normal again.#clamtalk
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It occurred to me the other day that Asbel is the only party member without *any* sort of spell artes. I guess friendship really is his magic 😅
#dolphin plays graces again#It suits his character though to be the aggro tank. He's protecting the others 😤#Him and Sophie both have high defense actually which makes sense they're both sacrificial idiots. i love them 💜💜#With Sophie out of the party rn (Lambda laser to the chest 😔) and me wanting to try other characters I now have a party of all spellcasters#The strategy seems to be 'ok ONE of us is going to have a bad time but as long as everyone else is fine our explosions can keep happening'#Richard and Hubert are strong in melee actually they're just so frail they keel over at the slightest touch 😅 drama kings.#Sorry for all the gameplay meta rambling the combat system's definitely growing on me as I figure it out more#Though the only character Im actually good w is Asbel 😅 I'm a melee player myself and like I said he's the only exclusive one#I should play Sophie more but she's the best healer and I need her on that 🙏#Cheria's great for big heals and big spell damage but Sophie can heal quickly and reliably#Which is important bc RICHARD AND HUBERT KEEP DYING 😩#Pascal and Malik mostly do fine but I think Pascal is just Better Malik 😅 sorry Captain#anyway those are my thoughts on the battles. no idea if my experiences are normal or if I'm just bad at this game 😅
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I'm tired. Of all of this.
Every fucking day feels like the same, yet it gets heavier. Things get worse, nothing gets better and the few things that gave me security, happiness, where I thought I could escape and be free for some moments, are getting corrupted, forgotten, stained forever, never to be the same refuge they once were.
I'm tired of living sometimes. Of existing on this world.
I know how dying feels; it's calming, the darkness eats you and you feel without worries for the first time in your existance. You know it and that frees you.
But I don't want to die. I'm a coward. I want to continue living on this earth just because I think I can do something in the future, something that will fix everything, something that will give a purporse to everything I've done and lived through.
But we all know that is just a lie to make us feel better, don't we?
Because, at the end of all, do we really matter? What can assure us that?
I'm tired. Too tired.
I want to go somewhere else, but there is nowhere to escape. I want to say that I want to go home, go to the park, go to a forest and be happy. But this is something that will haunt me, haunt me forever and everywhere until the end.
Because you can't escape yourself.
I'm tired...
#I'm not ok right now#my mental health is declining#and everything is getting worse#even the little things that I used to escape reality are rotting#Im just tired#of every single fucking thing that happens#I just wanna curl up and not move at all#Sorry for the vent#but i need to get it out#Im not considering suicide#I don't want to be a weight even after Im gone#and again#i dont want to die#but I just#I just don't want to do this anymore#I don't know what to do#I feel pointless#I think this is just another crisis episode I'm having and I'm going to be fine in some weeks#but I just have to get this out of my chest#I pretend to be ok#to be happy to see if I can truly be happy again#trying to be normal#and ignore everything else that is wrong around me and with me#Sorry again#sorry for the vent#you don't have to worry about me#I don't wanna stress people because I'm not worth it
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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im thinking again
#ive been dealt the bad hand; the worse hand; the hand from the arm from the body#im just.....okay#Well aaaa its weird#nothing anyone says to me is to *me*#which is fair-- no one knows me. but i do wish i got it. i dont know#the passing of time is still my worst enemy#i love everyone so much. itssssssweird.#if youre following these posts and saw the last one: i think i am still gonna die soon. awwh man. i dunno#but i have no reason to go on truthfully and i dont feel like finding one#im tired and sad OK?#i do want an acknowledgement again#and if you're following these posts im going to do the same thing i did last time and talk to the three tumblr blogs:#1. hi. i really like you. i admit it. j think youre really cool and all. uh okay im supposed to ask a question so here; how are you? well i#hope. k dont know. i havent been reading up like i should be and as for the second blog im talking to here i also havent been reading up lik#e i should im very sorry. i will make that journal again though.#and third blog: hi!! i still have no clue how to do that one thing but youve really gotten me into the hypothetical idea of differences base#f off of like ...area. the thing you said about that one thing.! i javwnt been doing much about it but thinkin but you know thinkin is fun.#i do want to do reading on it but ive been very sad lately and i cannot be bothered#this is really fun talking to people like this. um#youre very cool blog one ive been becoming a big fan of you again#blog two.if you see this: i want you-- I'm sayin that to specify that I'm talking to you. but i dont. anyway: uh. oh no i forgot what i was#gonna say#okay here's to not talking to anyone particular:#i want to do drugs. its the only way ill be able to handle all this.but i... oh hey i have melatonin!!#hmmmmmm#idk#it just puts me to sleep and i hate sleeping cause im always having bad dreams-- both nightmares and just dreams that Suck-- but...... im#desperate.#okay im gonna take a normal dose and just keep it together i hope#I hate sleeping
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tbh I don't mention it a lot but Topaz is a little manipulative. Like she does manipulate and twist words. I think that makes her cool though. I support women especially my business lady Jay Gatsby kinnie wife
#sash talks#topaz hsr#shes still sympathetic for this like cmon kafkas manipulative too but shes silly for that#but when topaz does it its wrong because shes a capitalist and not like . shes also part of a broken system#and was propagandized into believing this system is the only one that can save the world#''shes an adult she can always leave'' girl... life contract...#😭😭😭 she did not have a choice#yeah she Could leave. She could betray all she's ever known. and I'm excited to see her do so#stop working for the knife and all that.#''what like its hard?“' YES IT IS THE IPC IS A GALACTICAL MEGACORP#Intergalactical. even. geez#''why are you so adamant on defending her actions'' cuz i love her and shes cool. my fav even. good night#again ppl forget her planet basically got colonized#cuz she didnt get the short end of the stick doesn't mean thats not what happened#im not saying shes always right shes clearly not. but like cmon#ok nowadays theres more topaz lovers than haters but i still see a lot of the latter. sorry for being salty im normal i prommy
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