#Ohhhh shit

[fear-no-mort]

pov it’s the night of December 2nd 2013 and you’ve just burst into your grandsons room to pick him up so he’s not down there when you blow up the world the guy who ruined your life is from because you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you let him stay down there with everyone else which is Really fucking weird because you thought even coming back here in the first place meant giving up forever on anything for the rest of your life but this goddamn kid stops you from blowing up the planet and now you’re basically permanently fucked because now you’re just gonna have to keep on living and it’s because you love him. and tomorrow morning you will be running from alien police with him

[two-crows]

haha imagine non-homoerotically teaching ur buddy chum pal how to play the guitar (the guitar string snaps and hits rick in the face)

[awkwardnerdylesbian]

MOMMA IS MAAAAAAD

[aconstantallegory]

HEY did you know people love and care about you? also your unique mannerisms are loveable and people think positive things about you more than you realise

AH ty!!!

wait we probably needed this more than we thought

[likethewizardyk]

OH SHIT BRO

[myplasticadversary]

Euugh when this goes down with Tom and Shiv D:

[wonderxshows]

fuck fuck fuck. i fell asleep w my airpods in my ears in the cat room and. one of them is missing. im screwed

[twitchylittlegraham]

It's nothing, I swear nothing. I have my partner and... You have yours.its just-the alcohol talking on my part. Nothing serious here. Cause I don't find you interesting.

-Amy

"Hm, you don't find me interesting, Amy? That's too bad." Will says, tilting his head. "It felt like we had a connection, possibly, maybe not. Either way, I wish you well."

[javatrait]

Opens my Feng Save! 😳🫣😭😱

No wonder neither one of them wants children right now lol. All Hakim and Devyne are focused on is excelling in their careers, being obsessed with each other and partying until the wee hours of the morning.

[inkskinned]

i wrote an interactive poem for my girlfriend in 3 parts. she said you need to read it.

go here: take only the final quiz or take all 3. i don't mind. it's sad, though. this is a poem about choice. about fate and mental illness and how love fits inside of all of it. this is a poem about a long dark hallway. mostly this is a poem about mango sushi rolls.

good luck. i love you. despite it all, i'm hopeful.

[shouyuus]

18+, yet more vi-shaped brainrot, mndi

yes so we have all considered rugby/college roommate!vi but have we considered waterpolo/childhood bff!vi.

waterpolo!vi who's constantly at the pool, so much so that her sweat even on her gym days smell like chlorine. who will stand in the lockers with nothing but a towel around her waist, water still dripping down her body, tits out, just texting, grinning down at her phone bc she totally doesn't have post notifs on for your instagram... like who does that, right? but damn, you look cute in the little sundress you wore to brunch last sunday with your friends -- she wonders if you'll tell her about it at lunch later today.

waterpolo!vi who's been friends with you since childhood, and you were the one who go her into swimming because that one summer when you were both eight and your mom signed you up for swim-class, you cried for half and hour bc you said you weren't gonna know anyone there. and vi, being the amazing bff and neighbor that she is, of course, volunteered as tribute. she'd never forgotten how much fun it was to play in the shallows with you after the class had ended, splashing at each other, pretending to have a tea-party, sitting criss-cross at the bottom of the sun-soaked water, how you'd pulled your hair out of the swim-cap and let it halo around you in soft, wispy waves.

waterpolo!vi who definitely hasn't told you that she only applied to this uni (on a sports scholarship bc she knew that'd get her in) bc you said it was your top choice. thankfully, it has one of the better waterpolo teams, so you were ecstatic when you found out. who, by then, has definitely figured out that her affection for you is just a bit more than straight up bff status, but she also don't wanna fuck things up with you so she keeps her mouth shut. and really, she asks herself, what's the difference anyway? i mean, you hadn't even blinked when she brought up wanting to sign up for the same freshman dorms. ("of course we are! what, did you think i'd let anyone else be my roommate? gosh, it's like you don't know me at all!")

waterpolo!vi who tries to give you your own space (having practice every single day helps with that tbh), but can't help when her heart skips a lil every time you text her, or every time you post something on social media. she tells herself that it's okay to text back immediately, you've been friends for so long after all, right? that doesn't make her look weird or desperate? right? right.

waterpolo!vi who honestly still gets off to the memory of the one time the pair of you made out drunkenly at a party in high school -- it had been one of those backyard parties where everyone was drinking fucked up jungle juice and things were already a mess when you got there. but you were always down for a good time, and so was she, but somehow, it'd ended up with the pair of you curled up in a dark corner, your legs slung over her lap, her fingers inching up the hem of your spaghetti strap top, all eager, clumsy lips and needy little moans and the taste of your strawberry-mint glitter lipgloss.

waterpolo!vi who definitely tries a bit harder to show off whenever you come to her games, always checking the stands, her face lighting up whenever she spots you in the crowd, waving at her, cheering whenever she makes a goal. afterwards, she'd find flowers tucked into her locker and the rest of the team snickering at how red she's gotten staring at them before she towel-whips the nearest one and tells them all to shut up.

waterpolo!vi who asks you to come to the gym with her, promises it'll be chill and that she won't work you too hard, but nearly short-circuits when you show up in a pair of lululemon shorts and a sports bra, your hair tugged up into a high ponytail, telling her that you got these super cute stickers from a cafe you went to last week and have been meaning to give one of them to her so your water bottles can match. who makes good on her word of not working you too hard, but she definitely suffers in her own workout that day cause she's too busy watching you do squats (she tells herself its to make sure ur form is good but we all know the truth).

waterpolo!vi who freaks out when, on her birthday, the water polo team texts her and tells her to come to the pool house, alone. she thinks it's just another one of their weird pranks, but when the lights click on and you're standing there behind a massive cake with her name hung up behind you in lurid, bright pink blow up balloons, she freezes. and then a there's champagne popping and spraying at her, completely soaking her tanktop, sticking to her skin. you squeal, laughing as you shake a bottle towards her, grinning so wide she thinks her heart might burst.

"surprise! happy birthday!"

"holy shit -- oh yeah! it's my birthday!"

you roll your eyes, dabbing at some champagne that had gotten on your cheek, glancing at a few of the other girls.

"yeah, that's the thing with birthday's vi, they happen every year. and yet somehow every year, i'm the one that remembers its your birthday."

vi just grins, pulling you in to press a fat, wet kiss to your cheek, making you squirm bc she's literally soaked with champagne still, and a few of the girls on the team smirk in her direction when they make eye contact with her, but she only glares at them before going back to watching you fuss about the cake and how many slices to cut it into.

an idea slithers into her head, a truly insidious idea. but fuck it, it's her birthday, and she deserves to have a little fun (and she doesn't think you'll be too mad at her afterwards), so she inches her hand up till it's cradling the back of your head, then shoves your face into the top layer of the cake. you yelp, jerking back with your mouth wide open, icing smeared across your skin. everyone laughs, but vi only grins and wipes a bit of the sweet cream from your cheek, sucking her thumb into her mouth.

"mm delicious, princess. thanks."

you blink at her for a few seconds before sighing, attempting to wipe a bit more of the cake from your face, and falling into a fit of giggles as well.

"whatever, i guess if it makes you that happy," you say, accepting a few napkins from one of the girls on the team. someone else takes over cutting the cake, and a few un-spilled bottles of champagne are already being poured into red solo cups. "i'm gonna go clean up -- be right back."

vi watches you make for the lockers, but someone shoves her towards you. she turns to find several of her teammates motioning furiously in your direction, mouthing go, you fucker, go!

she teeters for a few seconds before jogging after you.

"hey! i'll -- uh -- i'll come with you. since it's my mess too." she laughs, nudging you with her shoulder as she catches up to you.

waterpolo!vi who has to hold her breath when she's helping you wipe cake icing from your face, running a damp towel down your neck, you tilting your head back to give her better access.

"so, how long've you been planning this?" she asks, if only to say something to break the silence.

"not that long -- like a week or so. the cake took the longest -- i wanted to get it from your favorite place on the edge of town, but they don't do deliveries, so i had to go and get it without you knowing, and then figure out where to hide it --"

"oh is that was the 'emergency study sesh' was that you had to run off to this morning was?"

you grin, sheepish as she pulls back to look you over.

"yeah... but i mean -- as long as you liked it! it was worth it, right?"

"oh i loved it, cupcake," she says, casually bopping your nose as she tosses the towel into the big laundry cart for cleaning. she takes a breath, "you're the best friend a girl could ask for, princess."

and she sees it the, the something flicker across your face, a shadow that darkens your eyes for just a second before you look back up at her.

"uhm... about that --"

"hm?" vi turns so fast her neck almost cricks. fuck.

you're staring at her, and she's staring back. there's a moment, like the held-breath between twirling fan-blades.

"i -- uhm -- damn," you look down at your hands, your cheeks suddenly flooding with color, "i had this whole speech prepped and everything --"

vi plops down on locker bench in front of you, tugging your chin back up.

"c'mon, princess. what is it?"

your eyes catch, and vi feels her stomach flip, her heart crawling up the length of her chest to beat, bleating and desperate, at the back of her throat. she can almost taste the metallic thump of it on her tongue.

"i just -- it's --" you twist your fingers in your lap, "i've been meaning to... to tell you for a while but uhm --"

"tell me what?" fuck, her voice comes out so raspy, so needy. she swallows, trying for her usual nonchalance. "you can tell me anything, y'know that right, cupcake?"

you purse your lips, her words seemingly setting you more and more on edge. she leans forward, mesmerized by the pink plumpness caught beneath your teeth. she swipes her thumb along the corner.

"sorry -- missed a spot..." she pulls back, showing you the tiny smear of icing on her finger.

"i like you," you blurt out, the momentum of the words carrying you forward just a bit, and you're gasping when you jerk back, eyes wide, as if you can't believe you'd just said that out loud.

vi freezes.

"oh."

"sorry that was -- i was gonna tell you later tonight -- i had this whole thing planned but -- ugh, there's even a really nice bottle of wine chilling in the fridge --"

but vi's kissing you, and holy shit -- vi's kissing you. her hand at the back of your neck, her other hand cupping your cheek, and she's pressing you back so hard you almost stumble off the bench, squeaking in surprise when she nearly hauls you to your feet to press you up against one of the lockers, cushioning your head with a palm.

"v-vi? mmngh --" you gasp, lashes fluttering as she licks her way down your neck, sucking a hard hickey into the skin there, her teeth biting down as she fists her fingers in your hair.

"holy shit -- sorry -- just -- you have no idea how long i've wanted this --"

she pulls back, her pupils blown, and for a second, you wonder if she's drunk -- you wonder if you're drunk because what is happening right now -- but then you remember that neither of you have had anything to drink yet.

"y-you have?"

vi groans, pushing back in to mouth at your lips, "yeah -- sh-shoulda told you earlier but --" she tugs at the strap of your dress, reveling in the tiny little gasping sound you make as she nips at your collarbone.

waterpolo!vi who can't believe this is happening right now -- really, she might be dreaming, but even if she is, whatever. it's the best dream she's had in ages, having you whimpering against her in this empty locker, your fingers digging into her back as she rucks up your skirt.

"fuck princess, if you're joking about this you better tell me now because --"

"i -- i'm not violet, i swear if you stop --"

she keens when she tugs aside your panties and feels your wetness collect on her fingers. she grins, pulling back just far enough to catch your eyes -- they're glazed over with want, and so, so soft. it almost makes her pause, almost.

she pushes forward, sinking a finger into you, groaning at the tightness. your head lolls back against the closed lockers and vi takes the chance to admire you -- the soft sweep of your lashes as your eyes flutter closed, the round o of your mouth as you moan, the tiny crease between your eyebrows as pleasure paints itself by strokes across the delicate features of your face.

"yeah? that feel good, princess?"

"mm -- mhm --" you nod, fervently, looking back down with half-lidded eyes, reaching down to pull vi back towards you for a long kiss. you lick into her mouth, rocking your hips down against her hand. she hisses against you, her mind nearly fizzing out at the way you drop your face into her shoulder, hanging onto her for dear life as she fucks you on her fingers.

waterpolo!vi who misses nearly her entire birthday party for fucking her new girlfriend to pieces in the lockers. not like her teammates didn't know -- sound really carries in that locker room. she knows. they know. you only find out later when the pair of you come back to the party, red-faced and way too disheveled, vi looking way too smug.

"have a good time in there?" one of the girls asks.

vi shrugs, "yeah y'know. just had to make sure she was cleaned up properly."

another girl rolls her eyes, "yeah right. and im sure all the screaming was because you were just doing such a thorough job, right."

vi smirks, "i try."

waterpolo!vi who makes a point of coming back from swim practice with her hair still wet, a towel draped around her shoulders, baggy shorts around her hips, a tight white tank, and nothing else, just because she knows it makes you pause, knows it sets you off. grins when she comes home to drop a kiss to your cheek and you look up, only to swallow, eyes raking down her body.

"gonna jump in the shower, wanna join me?"

you crinkle your nose, glancing back at the group project you were trying to finish with some classmates on zoom.

"uhm -- sorry guys -- i gotta go."

"wait what -- we're supposed to finish this tonight --"

"sorry, there's uh --" you glance back at vi, who's smirking, leaning in your doorway, an eyebrow hitched, "i think my girlfriend burnt the toast in the kitchen -- sorry, bye!"

you hang up the zoom call even as vi scoffs.

"really? i burnt the toast one time."

she tugs you to her for a kiss as you try to walk by her towards the bathroom. you grin against her lips.

"yeah, and it set off the fire alarm for the entire building, remember?"

"mm. yeah, whatever," she mumbles, busying herself with tugging off your sweatshirt as the pair of you stumble into the bathroom.

"how was practice?" you ask, as vi kicks the door closed behind you, jerking off her tank with one hand, kicking it away on the tiled floor before advancing on you with a predatory glint in her eyes.

"it was fine. we did passing and man-up drills. nothing too bad -- shoulders are sore though."

"yeah? you wanna massage after this?"

"mm that does sound nice," vi says, twisting on the shower, jerking her head for you to step in, climbing in after you with a soft, satisfied groan as the hot water hits her aching muscles.

"but for right now," she says, twisting you around and pressing a quick kiss to your lips, "why don't you get on your knees for me, pretty? there's just one more thing i want you to take care of for me before that massage."

you lick your lips, kiss her back, before dropping to your knees with a sweet smile.

"ready for your post-workout?" you ask, blinking up at her with your big, innocent eyes, even as your fingers inch up her thighs, coaxing them apart. vi groans, leaning back against the cool shower tiles.

"holy fuck yeah."

[imposterogers]

u know deadpool found a way to get the footage of the honda odyssey fight from the tva and has it in his porn collection

[astral-catastrophe]

Well damn

[chronurgy]

although (to continue the thought a bit) I think the most likely outcome isn't that they actually execute her themself. Probably what will happen is that they will fail to intervene and prevent someone else from killing her. They'll stagger up out of hell and just sort of.... Collapse inward mentally. Without the fire of necessity to keep them going, they'll just stop. They won't have the energy (idk if that's quite the right word, but close enough) to intervene. And they'll hate themself for it later, but obviously it'll be too late at that point. The other option is that yrliet will say something to them and they'll just turn to her and tell her to get out. If she argues they won't listen to reason because again, once they make it out they're not going to be super functional for a little bit. And unfortunately yrliet will probably lose any real fair chance she has because of it, but they're burning the candle at both ends right now and that balance will always come due.

Oh shit, I forgot, they brought Cassia with them. That actually makes things muuuch worse for yrliet. Because Malakai cares for Cassia in a very straightforward and honest way (compared to whatever weird shit they've got going on with heinrix). They're very similar - bookish people with unusual powers coming out of a long period of isolation and struggling a little bit because of it - so there's also some projection going on there. Cassia is sweet. She cares about people. And if she's having a particularly bad time here, Malakai is going to lose it. Especially because they'll blame themself and be looking to displace some of that blame onto someone else. Damn they might really actually fucking lose it

Ohhhh yrliet girl you fucked up. You fucked up real bad.

Yrliet seemed to take Malakai's "I will take all the help I can get to escape" as forgiveness but I really, really don't think it was. Especially after being psychically tortured (and resisting through sheer willpower), Malakai has more or less shut down the part of their brain that feels. This is also partially a response to the torture worm that makes you see things. They beat all the checks by pointing out inconsistencies in the scene, so that's what they're devoting everything they have toward (and what they were taught to do to resist warp corruption) - know what is real and what is not. There isn't much room for other things right now. They need to get out and they will. They will do whatever they need to do to get out and consign any considerations of what happens after that to the future. Right now they are putting everything they have towards staying sane via clinging to a single, tiny shred of hope that might promise escape. The only question is if and how they'll process what happened during this time. Will it give them enough time for the fires of their anger to calm down and their usual nature to reassert itself, or will it push them further over the edge? And the thing is, Malakai is pretty forgiving. Malakai wants to see the best in people. But she just dropped them into their own personal ptsd nightmare and I don't know that there's any coming back from that under these circumstances. For a couple reasons.

First, she made a really stupid decision and then lied to their face, which they take as a challenge to their authority. Malakai is well aware that they're a psyker and only a distant relative of theodora, and therefore their authority and right to ascend as rogue trader is on.... Perhaps somewhat shakier ground than they would like. Especially after they were more or less threatened by the lord inquisitor (thanks for the heads up, heinrix. It probably did help). So they are very aware that they need to strengthen their authority as much as possible, and use it wisely. This actually caused a number of conflicts between them and Jae, who they saw as challenging them/overstepping, and lead to some cooling of that relationship. Heinrix has also been on the receiving end of that type of displeasure in some cases, though his authority via the inquisition does allow him some level of..... Imposition. Heinrix warning Malakai that the lord inquisitor was coming and that there was no real threat almost certainly saved that relationship from a similar cooling. But anyway, yrliet made a bad decision (trusting the drukhari?? Girl) which is somewhat forgivable, and then lied about how she knew (challenging them, using them, not forgivable). That means that their relationship is at an end, the only question is what kind of end. Because Malakai absolutely cannot trust yrliet now, because they see her as a poor decision-maker who can't even acknowledge that flaw (or so desperate that she will risk anyone and anything to get what she wants, which amounts to the same thing). Malakai cannot give her any other assistance because of this, so it's time for them to part ways.

It's how things actually played out that makes me wonder exactly what that parting of ways will look like. In most circumstances, I think Malakai would be willing to provide her with any resources she required, then drop her off at a location of her choosing. A polite but firm goodbye. But Malakai has already been under a lot of stress as they try to manage their new protectorate and try to decide between doing what they feel is right and what they were taught is right and then watching both of those options blow up in their face. Being threatened by the lord inquisitor didn't help matters either. And they had sort of started to make their peace with their choices, to regain some faith in their ability to choose what they believe is right, and then yrliet came in and, in some sense, proved all those people who said they were a fool to trust a xenos right. She sold them out. And maybe that isn't a super fair assessment of the situation, but Malakai has been dropped into their own personal ptsd hell and they're struggling to cope. They're backed into a corner and they're about to start swinging. They're not particularly angry or vengeful, but everyone has their limits and this just might be theirs. It really depends on how the rest of the act goes, but I think there's a real chance they'll execute her, especially if things get worse.

Apparently if you don't take yrliet into your retinue, Achilleas Scalander is the one who betrays you (I looked it up). He explains that he broke during torture. I've seen people call this motivation far more compelling, and I agree! That is absolutely something Malakai could forgive, interestingly enough.

[caniball1sticdes1re]

whore

pairings . abby anderson x reader

warnings . phantom cock!abby (heh.. heh heh), dom!abby, size kink, throat fucking, a LOT of mentions of spit, abby calls r a whore 😈

a/n . i havent written in so long this came to me… idk how it came to me. the original thought was so much more disgusting (abby pls let me finger u. i beg.) ummmm i need to be thrown around like a doll! i need abby to pick me up and throw me against a wall maybe or pick me up and. ok. im stfu. soz for rusty writings ITS BEEN A WHILE.

your tongue lolls out past your lips, a small bead of spit at the tip. abby pulls your head towards her lower tummy, letting her length slide across your pink tongue. saliva coats her, wetting your lips as your nose touches her v-line, then slides her silicone cock out of your mouth. you sit up, cupping the sides of the silicone and bubbling up your spit. you plop your spit bubbles on the tip, taking your middle and index fingers, spreading it around her veins, down her balls, and reaching under to feel her wetness under her boxers. abby tuts, tapping the side of your head to remind you to get back on trap. this earns a giggle from you, your sweet smile now stretching over abby’s dick. her hand grips your hair, pushing and pulling your mouth back and forth, her other hand holding the back of your neck steady.

abby throws her head back, groaning as spit drools down your chin and your face turns red. whimpers and whines can be heard, muffled by the sweet sounds of abby fucking your face. she bucks her hips into your throat, watching you take her all as expletives spill from her lips. after a while you can tell she’s about cumming herself, the sight of you drooling around her fake cock doing more for her than she ever could do to herself.

she pulls herself out of your mouth, watching as you focus your eyes, coming back to earth. her big, strong hand comes down from your scalp and she glides her thumbs across your cheeks, your lips dry yet covered in spit.

abby smiles, cocking her head. “god, i love this mouth.” her thumb now pulls on your bottom lip, playing with you almost. she pushes her thumb through your plump lips, watching them wrap around her finger. you suck her in, moaning softly at the feeling. your smaller hands come up to cup her wrist, your tongue twirling across the pad of her thumb. her other hand swats you away, a pout resting on your face when she pushes you off her.

“stupid fuckin’ cockwhore.” abby seethes before picking you up, placing you tummy-down where she once laid. your arms are pinned behind your back and your hips are positioned up slightly, your head smooshed agains the pillow as you stare back at her. your legs are spread enough for her to trap them between abby’s knees, pressing her spit-covered tip against your sopping hole.

“wanna be a whore? gonna fuck you like one.”

[welcometogrouchland]

♫ I do what I want/Crying in the bleachers and I said it was fun/I don't need anything from anyone ♫

(ID in Alt) you guys ever think about your own posts and get upset?? Anyway Damian Wayne I love you I'm so sorry your life is like that