#Obviously NOT wanting romance is impossible so this character can’t ACTUALLY not want romance

[specialagentartemis]

something I see a lot, and feel like I have to remind myself regularly not to fall into the trap of:

It’s easy to relate to a character. It’s easy to see yourself in them, to see them as Like You. There’s power in that.

But I’ve met several people now who’ve gotten really angry and upset with me for not liking their fave, or for having a very different interpretation of the character than they do. People who relate so hard to a character, project so hard onto a character, that me not liking them, me acknowledging that the character is a villain, or me just having a different interpretation of that character’s relationships and motives, feels like an attack on them as a person—and they respond to me as such.

I’ve seen it happen enough that I try to consciously remind myself. Other’s people’s interpretations of a character are not an attack on me. I know who I am and that will not change if other people are wrong about have a different perspective on my favorite character.

[nonbinarypirat]

A fellow enjoyer of mairuma who likes reading others headcanons/interpretations here! just thought I'd share my own headcanons

1.) I think the misfits lack parental validation from one or more parental figures so they seek that validation from someone else, like Kalego. He, as their homeroom teacher, knows full well what they're capable of and actively gives them harder challenges to further bring out their potential. So I think the misfits would seek near impossible tasks not just for the fun of it, but to receive validation from someone they look up to.

2.) I believe that Kalego shows his love in pride. And when I say love, I mean all love; familial, romantic, platonic, and the kind that you know is there but don't have a name for. I guess a good example would be Balam, his closest friend and well-respected researcher. Balam would have achieved great things in his field of research and Kalego would be very proud of him for it, though I doubt he would explicitly show it. The same would go for his students. A mix-match group of kids who have, more than once, taken the impossible and made it reality while proving him wrong every chance they get.

(also a small group of demon plus one human children have better cooperation skills than most adult demons. yes demons are self-centered but i do think its really funny.)

well, these are my headcanons sorry if its really wordy. what are your thoughts on them and what are your mairuma headcanons?

thx for reading and have a good day/night :D

I have been fully focused into my classes and college recently since I’m in my third year (we’re so close to the finishing line yall) but YES I love this!! One, I appreciate you sending me this since I haven’t done a post for a while! I promise im still here and I’m keeping up with the recent chapters 🫡. But yeah, I just love Kalego as a character. Like, he really is my favorite because I love a rude and snide character who you can tell cares a lot. Even if he won’t tell you that.

Kalego cares deeply for his students. Like sure, they annoy him and are goofballs. But at the end of the day, he is also protective of them. He knows they can accomplish great things and that’s why he’s hard on them, it’s not due to a lack of love. His pride is his way of showing affection. He will do his damnest to make sure you succeed and through his little actions, the characters can tell that he’s proud of them too. It’s the little moments with Kalego that make them know he does deeply care for them.

And yes, I also have a head cannon that for many of the misfits, they are lacking in some sort of parental or familiar love. Obviously we can’t say this for certain for all the characters, but it just feels like that’s why, no matter how much they complain about him, he also means a lot to them too.

As for my other head cannons… One head cannon I have (with the little info we have so far) is that Elizabetta grew up similarly to that little girl from Ouran Host Club, ya know the sister of the black magic club president? That is to say, I think she’s loaded but was primarily raised by her maids who gave her a lot of the romance books to keep her entertained. I think her parents were never really around. Or if they were, they don’t have her a ton of attention. I guess this is more of a head cannon slash theory? But when we see the house visits, we don’t even see her parents. A lot of them you saw the parents, a back shot or their torso. Something. We even saw Kalego call some of the parents. But her parents just wasn’t in the frame and she just kept showing him the things in her room which gives me the feeling she had a lot of material goods they bought her, but maybe not their affection. We also don’t see any adult when we learn about her ambition. Which is why I think she’s so attached to love, she is reaching for a connection she may not feel she has with her parents. And maybe in a way, she’s wants to build a family that will actually appreciate her the way she wants. Which to me makes the relationship to the misfits even more special because she finally has the love and pride of her found family. Idk, just a silly head cannon I have based on current knowledge!

[rahleeyah]

Hey Leah,

Have you watched M’s interview/panel for SAG-AFTRA? It’s so good and gives insight to her career. She continues to kinda call out Dick Wolf about what he says Olivia can and can’t do. It’s so maddening how she has to fight for her character to be more human and multifaceted.

I haven't seen it bc I have a disease that makes me allergic to watching videos however I have seen people talking about what was said 🤣 the thing I've been thinking about is like yes, obviously, to portray a woman realistically, humanely, she has to be multi faceted. But. Olivia was, from the jump, multifaceted. She was the one, in literally the first episode, who wanted to let a killer go free; her struggles with the warring parts of herself were there from the first episode. She's gentle and violent, sad and furious and compassionate; we have seen her with lovers, with friends, her brother, her child. We have seen her Liv laugh loving for a quarter century and it would be difficult, perhaps impossible, to imo find a character who is more layered and developed than her, anywhere.

The show was is always has been always will be a procedural. Which is a really, really compelling format bc it develops the characters in the context of the work that they do. It shows us, in small glimpses, over the course of years, who these people are based on how they respond to the remarkable circumstances they find themselves in. It's hard to actually thread that needle well, balance the mystery of the hour against the characters' personal stories, but the push and pull between the two is why we watch. We pour over every detail, watch breathlessly in the hope that maybe this time we'll see some small clue that confirms our suspicions, lose our minds at the big moments precisely because they are rare, small, fleeting; too much and it's no longer special, but rather expected.

There are other shows - this is us springs to mind, Parenthood, I'm sure there's more recent ones but I'm not up on new shows - that focus on who the characters are at home. That's an entirely different format, tho, is antithetical to what l&o is. There are other procedurals that lean more into the personal; people talk a lot about castle, for example, and how they did things over there, but castle was always a comedy. It was the odd couple gags, and romance was central to its appeal - yes it was dramatic but broadly its goal was not gritty drama. It is not the same kind of show.

All of this to say - of course Olivia doesn't go on vacation in the show, except that we know she went to the Bahamas with Brian. Of course we don't see her getting drunk with her friends in the show. Except, of course, trauma in a pear tree, which I thought rode the line of tension between "who are these people when they're off the clock" and "we have to show them doing their job" in a good way. We saw Olivia get drunk in a moment where she's struggling with heavy emotions, around her son, around Elliot, when she's spending time with arguably one of her best friends, in a place where they literally don't have anything else to do. We did see her let her hair down and we did get to catch an unguarded glimpse of her heart. But it maintained the same tone as the rest of the show, and it was so special bc we'd never really seen that before.

So much, the vast majority of, the characters personal lives takes place off screen. That's baked right in; that's how the show works. And I don't think we need to see everything in order for Olivia to be multifaceted, and like I said up top we have seen so much. I don't think there's a single corner of her heart, her life, we haven't seen.

And something else I've been thinking about a lot recently is that Olivia is herself more legend than woman. She is remarkable, in unrealistic but deeply compelling ways. Enduring and righteous and unbreakable. She is built of all of the thousands of tiny moments of personal life we've seen, and all of the thousands of earth shattering horrors we've experienced with her. She is not Olivia, without the horrors. The show isn't gonna give us Olivia at home for more than a few minutes at a time, isn't going to show us Olivia at the grocery store unless it helps bring home the point the show is going to make, bc that's not the kind of show it is, but also bc in order to maintain the legend some kind of mystique must also remain. To be a legend she must be legendary; if she is too ordinary, she is no longer remarkable. And for all that we complain about how long it's taken to get eo, it is the chase that compels us. The fervent desire to glimpse behind the curtain, the hope that maybe this time, that's what keeps us coming back. If they gave us everything we wanted when we wanted it we'd have all stopped watching years and years ago. It is precisely because the personal moments are rare that they stand out so strongly, resonate so deeply.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

I have a question for mod: it’s been established that Kaede is besties with Miu and Kuripa is besties with Uchui, and Shuichi is obviously besties with Kaito, who are the other protags besties would you say? (Outside of who they date/are married to)

//Good question.

//In my mind, Makoto’s best friend up until now has been Sayaka, but they’re dating now, and he’s probably gonna be dating Mukuro soon as well at the rate this is going. I guess Byakuya would be his best friend in that case.

//Weirdly, I have never been able to see Byakuya and Makoto as tight-knit friends despite all they’ve been through. I just think it’s pretty impossible for Byakuya to not have those close to him at arms length. Even if he becomes more comfortable, he’s still very overly serious and still has a superiority complex that I don’t see Makoto vibing with for that long.

//As for Kuripa, I’ve always likened his and Makoto’s relationship to something more familial. Kuripa is kind of like his estranged brother/cousin/son depending on your angle.

//Hajime’s best friend is obviously Chiaki. And you know what? Same goes for Izuru too. I’ve always kind of liked the idea that Izuru is loyal to no one but himself, but he will do whatever he needs to for the group so long as Chiaki is the one asking.

//Like he has a soft spot for her that he can’t quite understand.

//Toko and Komaru are obviously each others best friend and always have been, but they’re married now, so outside of each other, I think Komaru at least would be best friends with Kotoko Utsugi.

//I kind of show this off in PToH, but Kotoko to me has always felt like the most honest of the Warriors despite maybe Nagisa, but considering Jill saved her from Monaca, and she has the chance in the end to work alongside Komaru and Toko, I think she would probably be the one to submit to their friendship first before any of the other WoH.

//And given Kotoko’s personality, she also generally feels like the easiest to get along with, at least for a peppy girl like Komaru. Let’s just…not talk about how Kotoko almost molested her.

//Toko too, but it’s clear that Toko doesn’t do friends as well as Komaru. Honestly, I think outside of Komaru, the character she shares the deepest friendly connection with is actually Akeru, but Akeru is also her adoptive daughter at this point. So not counting her, I’m really not sure.

//I guess Makoto, considering what happened in UTDP, but in the Japanese version, Toko picks Makoto as her best friend because his surname is Naegi, same as Komaru.

//Shuichi is best friends with Kaito, Kaede is best friends with Miu, and I guess Maki is also best friends with both of them on top of that.

//Kuripa is obviously best friends with Uchui and little will change that.

//Maya is best friends with Hunter and Four, but seeing as Four is her partner now, Hunter is her best friend in this specific scenario.

//And as for Sora and Yuki, they are best friends with each other. Besides Yoruko, I don’t really know anybody else on Utsuroshima that Sora had that much of a deep connection with, and Yuki has Akane T. but there is a potential romance element to their relationship, even if it’s a one-sided one, so not counting them, it’s Sora.

//Which means Akane Taira is catching feels for a guy in the body of Akane Taira, who is best friends with Akane Taira. Try wrapping your head around that one, lol.

//Also, if we want to count him, Ayumu was best friends with Marin, but if we interpret their relationship as something more sibling like, it’s Mikoto.

-Mod

[amanemisagf]

miraculous characters on musical.ly

since i’m pretty sure miraculous takes place in 2015/16, im convinced that they’re on musical.ly since it was a big deal at the time. here are my headcanons for them!

adrichat- he has a secret account his dad doesn’t know about because he wants to carefully monitor his son’s social media image. he’s crowned bc gabriel has never heard of the app and has loads of followers. nathalie found out about his account one time and promised she wouldn’t tell, but someone else snitched and he had to take it down. as chat noir he has a joint account with ladybug and when it’s a slow day on patrol they’ll make some together but he posts his own too after his adrien account gets taken down. he’s used the me myself and i audio at least once on both accounts, and when he’s crushing on marinette before he has to take his account down he posts cheesy “yeah i am in love” type audios (this is what gets him caught cause some fan gets jealous).

maribug- she also does those cheesy crush audios as marinette to try and send a subtle hint but obviously none is taken. she loves flighthouse and cute color filters. she has maybe 300-400 followers and makes them with alya. as ladybug she sometimes makes them with chat noir to humor him but prefers posting on her main.

chloe- she has maybe 1k? she’s not very good at the hand motions or moving the phone so she doesn’t have that many even though she’s crowned (she somehow got her dad to get musically to give her one). she’s jealous that adrien has more and when they’re still friends she makes him make musicallys with her to boost her follower count.

nino - he lipsyncs to those dumb comedy audios, he has 20 followers. he also is always using the “fire when the strobe hits you” one and always shakes the camera so much that it’s impossible to make out what’s even being shown.

alya - she does a mix of lip sync and her own comedy skits which people tend to like. she’ll make some with marinette after school and her goal is to make one with ladybug (post reveal, marinette obliges).

juleka - she lipsyncs to my chemical romance with half her face covered and horrendous camera quality and posts maybe one every few months, only the class + luka follow her but she only got the app because rose asked her to so she doesn’t mind.

rose - she doesn’t have a lot of followers but will post 10 musical.lys in the span of an hour, sometimes to the same audio. she’ll make them in class and have her phone taken away.

lila - somehow convinced people that she had so many followers that the app couldn’t handle it so it doesn’t show her account any more (in reality she has a secret one with zero followers). according to her, selena gomez actually wanted to duet /her/ but it glitched and got sent to everyone but hers worked! but you can’t see it because her account isn’t working.

sabrina - she has one, but she’s on private and doesn’t have a lot of followers. she’s always on the app though.

luka - he has a bit of a cult following and likes to do them with his hair covering his eyes emo style.

kim - he does a lot of challenge videos that are more meant for youtube and also lipsyncs to comedy skits.

alix - she claims to hate musical.ly and says it’s stupid, but she has a secret account where she’ll make them sometimes and just not post.

those are all the chars i think have an account ^-^

[brzatto]

So, I am a sydcarmy shipper (I second your complaint about the unorganized relationship tagging system it’s a lot lol) but I can understand why some aren’t and would rather their platonic dynamic stay the same. I honestly wouldn’t be mad about that either, because they already have this beautiful bond after such a short amount of time knowing each other, and I have so much love for Sydney and just want her to be supported. There’s still so much they need to go through in this partnership, particularly Carmy proving that Sydney can actually trust him. His behavior this season once he started seeing Claire was so ooc, and I really don’t want “Logan” to come back in a future season. Personally, I think the Carmy x Claire plot line this season turned out how many apprehensive about sydcarmy getting together feared — the restaurant and the found family dynamic is put on the back burner and screen time is wasted spent on John Hughes style meet cutes and surface level flirting about the wonder years and close ups of unending heart eyes, as well as an oddly lit sex scene. If this is what Storer and Co. would go about romance in this show, I’d rather they spar Sydney from it because she’s too multidimensional and enjoyable to be reduced to such a one dimensional role for the sake of a ship. Per JAW, Sydney is his peace and I’m happy with that for now

if i’m being honest about something even as someone who doesn’t ship them i believe sydney and carmy are going to be endgame, or at the very least if they don’t make it explicit they’ll leave us with an open ending between them. even without shipping them there was a lot of moments this season that just felt.. charged? between them that was impossible to ignore. even with everything i didn’t like about this season i want to believe every choice the creators and writers make is deliberate, and with how well executed the first season was it’s harder and harder to believe that all of that beautiful nuance and subtlety could be disposed of so quickly and thoughtlessly.

obviously carmy isn’t at a place in his life where he’s capable of balancing a relationship with his work, regardless of who it’s with—s2 pretty much just showed us that he doesn’t even think of himself as deserving to. in this last season we saw carmy’s behavior with sydney improve: they bond with each other off the clock in carmy’s apartment, they establish new methods of communication with each other, he lets her know that he’s making a conscious effort to be better, he gifts her the custom embroidered chef whites because he knows how much they mean to her. but also at the same time we see the ways in which he continues to overlook or brush her off: he doesn’t understand why sydney seems to make a big deal out of him not letting her know when they took the walls down, he cancels on her last minute in favor of hanging out with claire, as his relationship with claire progresses he leaves sydney to handle the restaurant by herself and unknowingly validates her fears in whether or not she can trust in him as her partner. with the nature of sydney’s character and how well they’ve handled her so far i can’t ever imagine her relationship with carmy being as simple and fluffy and clean cut as claire’s or her character being watered down for their interactions if they did choose to go that way, but if i’m being completely honest i don’t think it’s in character for sydney to want to pursue carmy like that. i don’t think she would be content with or even want to be in a position where she’s romantically involved with anyone who is her coworker, much less her business partner, much less a man she’s idolized and admired and was previously her boss, much less someone like carmy who is (gestures vaguely.) seeing how she reacted to marcus asking her out—who she has a much better, comfortable and more personal relationship with than carmy—pretty much confirmed that for me and i actually was rooting for sydney and marcus for much throughout seasons 1 and 2. everyone makes fun of carmy for his inexperience/aversion to romance but i think he and sydney are both much more alike in that aspect than people realize; we’ve never heard of sydney having a relationship prior to this at all before either, and even if she has she clearly isn’t interested in having one now. she and carmy are both relentlessly singleminded in pursuing their goals, and as a woman in her industry i just don’t think sydney would want her name to be attached to carmy’s in that way—she doesn’t want to be “carmy’s girlfriend,” she wants to be his partner. she wants to be his equal.

there was so much about this season that felt off to me—the fact that they created and introduce a character as one dimensional as claire when they had no trouble creating perfectly human characters with their limited runtime in the first season, the cheap way they tried to tack her into carmy’s history, the strange tension between carmy and sydney whenever claire is involved, the panic attack sequence, the way everything between him and claire fell apart in the last episode. i don’t think the romance between carmy and claire was ever meant to be permanent; she was a plot device, plain and simple, and the driving story continues to exist between carmy and sydney. maybe they won’t ever explicitly be romantically involved but their relationship as it stands even now does have much more depth and nuance than carmy and claire’s, where they’ve left off with each other isn’t perfect just as it wasn’t perfect how they left off at the end of the first season but they’re progressing.

i think that was the true purpose of s2—simply just to show progress, even when it isn’t linear, and that’s why we see carmy form a romantic connection and jump into a relationship so quickly just for everything to unravel by the end of the season. this goes for more than just his relationship with claire too: we see richie and carmy have the heart to heart in the basement in the first episode, carmy’s intentions for richie are revealed during e7 when richie goes to stage, richie admits to claire how much he loves him, richie tells him to his face that he loves him and yet they still both manage to cross lines with one another at the very end during the fight while carmy’s trapped in the walk in and we’re left to wonder how and when they’ll come back from it. i think we’ll continue to see carmy and sydney’s relationship develop in the future season(s), but (regardless of whether or not they are endgame) i don’t think it’ll necessarily be in the way their shippers would want or expect it to be

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Hi, I hugely admire your writing and blogging! I’ve been thinking all day about the issue raised of some assault/abuse survivors feeling dirty or erased due to increasing restrictions on sexual content, or even being attacked for writing content that may help them, but harm others.

IMO what is needed is greater acceptance that both safe spaces where certain content restrictions apply and uncensored/DLDR/“anything goes” spaces can exist, and a clearer separation/designation between the two. Because we do need both! Trying to make every space one way or the other is impossible, and inevitably hurts someone.

I think we also need a norm that if something is posted in a designated uncensored space, it should not be linked to or discussed, even for purposes of hating it, in spaces with content restrictions that it violates. Granted, this would take some fun away from those who are motivated more by feeling morally superior and harassing others than actually protecting anyone, but would help those who sincerely want to avoid that content. Because even just hearing about how awful this thing is and how evil this person is for writing it is still hearing about it, you know?

Thank you so much for being willing to have this conversation.

TW: discussion of SA and ethicality below

First I want to get really clear about what we’re talking about. We’re talking specifically about fictional, graphic scenes of SA in which there’s no prior consent and in which this would be traumatizing for the character either in the moment or long term, and yet it’s treated as erotica for the audience. We’re also talking about any fictional CSA shown on the page.

We’re not talking about personal accounts of real assault stories. We’re not talking about character backstories. We’re not talking about tactfully handled scenes that are meant to show the horror of rape and focus solely on its impact for the survivor. We’re not even talking about dark romance/yandare/dubious consent stuff where both characters are into it and it’s far removed from what actual assault looks like, because that’s basically just a BDSM scene idea with the BDSM framing removed for better immersion (this is a grey area for me, it depends how it’s handled, anyway I’m getting off topic).

Okay, so these are my thoughts:

Those divided spaces exist. They exist all over the place, including plenty of communities within tumblr. Heck, all of tumblr that is correctly tagged, because you can filter out words like SA.

This works great for things that are “icks” for many people, content like scat or bloodplay or even SA within character backstories. Some people don’t want to see that and others do and that’s fine. It does not work for content that is bad to create. I personally do think that some content is bad to create. I know some people don’t, but that’s my opinion. I think, even in the privacy of your own home, there’s something not cool about wanting to make and view scenes of CSA. Obviously I can’t stop you. Obviously you don’t have to care what I think. I was asked my opinion like a week ago about whether someone should create that kind of content and I said no. I wouldn’t have even given my opinion on that otherwise, just out of the blue. It’s not something that I want to talk about. I acknowledge that I may be biased, I’m not some moral arbiter, I don’t know what’s right any better than the next person. But to me personally, that does not sound right, and if someone asks me if they should write/draw that, I’ll say no. The space where they’re doing it doesn’t make it okay - to me, one random person on the internet.

I also want to make a huge distinction between saying that I think it’s a bad thing to do to create a certain kind of content, and saying that the person who is creating it is bad. I don’t believe in shaming. I don’t believe certain people are bad. I don’t believe in throwing away the whole person. It’s not helpful. Please don’t harass anyone over this. But if someone wants to have a conversation about whether they should make this content: again, my answer will be no.

Finally, I just want to say, please stop. It’s a request, you don’t have to. But I don’t want to talk about this and I’m not doing okay. I will continue talking about it if given thoughtful asks like this one, because I care about the people on this blog and want them to feel heard. I don’t feel I have a right to turn you away. But I am very distressed. You can talk about this on your own blog if it’s important to you.

[sunriseverse]

okay none of you asked but here we go regardless. first off i specify middle aged* because casting regardless of canon plays fast and loose re: actual canon ages. anyway.

su wan: most obvious case i think. hei xiazi, 110% without a doubt. he wants SO badly to prove to xiazi he can Succeed and at least 60% of that is the valiant hope that if he DOES succeed, maybe he can get it? (he can’t. dream on, loverboy) overall i would say though his taste in men is the least shit out of the xiaosanjiao because at least being giggly over an immortal is like, a tried and true trope. if he were a woman he’d be living out I Got Apprenticed To An Immortal And Now I’m Trying To Romance Him (6849 chapter monster shizunfucking novel where the most explicit thing is that said shizun makes him learn to grow harvest dry and prepare tea)

yang hao: easy. huo daofu. this is probably the most “problematic” one on the list because huo daofu is OBVIOUSLY manipulating him but yang hao is so fucking starved for attention and the chance to Mean Something that he doesn’t care. and, admittedly, huo daofu DOES save him from dying multiple times! also tried to manipulate him into killing li cu, though, so. other people yang hao would be into: wu xie, by dint of the same Manipulating Him With A Smile. someone get this boy grief counselling he needs it very badly. both of these options are impossible but that’s not a flaw it is in fact a feature because i don’t think yang hao really truly thinks anyone can love him without caveats and he’s also kind of into being treated like a tool (again. therapy)

li cu: okay this one is going to be controversial because i’m going against the fairly popular li cu/wu xie conceptualisation but here’s the thing. i think li cu thinks wu xie is too much of a loser to be attracted to him. like once he gets past the whole “wu xie trying to use him as bait/a pawn/etc” thing he’s like really??? that’s it???? you’re kind of pathetic. however, and bear with me, he WOULD be SO pathetically into xiao hua, because xiao hua is undeniably Cool. xiao hua in fact is probably one of the Most Cool dmbj characters, even in sha hai where he has minimal screentime (because i guess former exo member zhang yixing was too much of a big name to keep on for long. or scheduling conflicts, who knows, it’s not like i keep an ear to the ground re: c-ent casting). however, as soon as he learns about heihua, he is mildly infuriated. xie yuchen??? with hei xiazi????? does the world know no justice. bonus points here because i think li cu would wind up working for xiao hua in some capacity so him having a grudge against his boss’ boyfriend partner whatever hei xiazi is is really funny. other people like cu would also be into: pangzi, honestly, in my opinion, because sha hai era pangzi is also Very Cool.

additional optional points: out of the three of them i have no idea which one would be into xiaoge but i feel like he would like it that way so i’m not poking at it too much. none of them are into zhang rishan because let’s be honest the man doesn’t scream “knows what romance is” however i think su wan would find whatever he has going on for fo ye to be kind of sweet (li cu thinks it’s weird and creepy)(yang hao identifies WAY too much with his “my body is devoted to fo ye” statement and is feeling weird about it).

takes a shot. anyone want to hear me talk about xiaosanjiao and their shit taste in middle aged* men

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine the Ember Island Players creating a romance between you and Zuko which hits a little too close to home

You sat beside Katara and noticed how Zuko sat on the other side of her. Aang faltered, obviously wanting to sit there and you smirked as Zuko obliviously missed Aang’s look. Zuko had been with the group a few weeks now but his social skills still weren’t very good and you found it made for some very interesting interactions. His attempt at telling jokes alone made you smile every time you saw him for a full week afterwards and you found Zuko did a lot of things that amused you but apparently not so much the others. “I was going to sit there” Aang whined and Zuko shrugged “so? Just sit next to me”. Aang pouted and you laughed to yourself “here” you said standing up “take my seat Aang” and you moved so he could sit beside Katara. Katara was oblivious and you sat on the other side of Zuko chuckling at Aang’s blush. “What was that all about?” Zuko asked and you smiled “ow nothing you just almost ruined Aang’s evening”. Zuko frowned and went to ask what you meant when the lights dimmed so you knocked his arm shaking your head “i’ll tell you later now shhh”. Zuko folded his arm huffily but stopped talking. The play was wonderfully awful. As you hadn’t joined the gang straight away you knew you had time to just enjoy the first few acts and make fun of the way they portrayed all your friends. Plus what could they do to your character? You didn’t have any old flames like Katara or Sokka and you didn’t have an emotional backstory like Zuko or Aang. So you relaxed arms spread over the back of the bench and waited for *yourself* to make an appearance.

The second your actress walked on stage you knew it wouldn’t be good. They had your character all wrong! Your actress flirted with everyone and acted like a lovesick idiot. You didn’t think it could get much worse and then your character met Zuko’s.

“I’ll save you from the pirates” Zuko’s character purred to yours and you spluttered. “That...that wasn’t even me! That was Katara!” you whispered angrily. You looked to Zuko for confirmation who nodded “yeah I didn’t say that to you...and I certainly didn’t tie you up while staring at you like that”. “And I did not flirt with you like that either”. You both glared as your characters bonded and they actually invented Zuko letting you go voluntarily. As Zuko’s character stared off into the distance and said your name you heard Sokka and Suki wheezing from laughter while you simmered with anger and embarrassment. “I didn’t do that!” Zuko cried and you saw he was blushing vividly. That made you blush too and crossed your arms tightly “they better not stick with this theme”.

Of course they did. By the time act 3 had ended you and Zuko were living a star crossed lovers lifestyle in Ba Sing Sei. They again got you mixed up with Katara and said Azula kidnapped you to lure Zuko to the Earth King’s palace. The act ended with Zuko charging in to save you, offering his own life in exchange for yours, but Azula outmanoeuvred him and arrested him too. As the lights went up for intermission you and Zuko paused before exploding.

“That never even happened!”.

“I knew he was in Ba Sing Sei but we never went on a date”.

“Yeah that was a different girl”.

“And you did not fight with Jet over me”.

“I didn’t even know you knew Jet!” Zuko agreed and you both paused for air.

The gang all looked at each other before bursting into laughter. “What is so funny?” you cried and Sokka smiled. “We all know none of that stuff happened, we were there too remember?”. “Yeah so...can’t we rant?” you asked. “Well yeah but why get so mad about it? Are you trying to convince us or yourselves that the idea the two you flirted is so impossible?”. You and Zuko exploded again at the thought and Sokka and the others burst into laughter again. “All i’m saying is this is a lot of emotion to come from nowhere” Sokka smiled “now i’m going backstage so yell at each other or something” and he disappeared with Suki. Katara and Toph left for snacks and Aang went to the toilet leaving the two of you alone. “But i mean it is ridiculous” you muttered and Zuko nodded “utterly ridiculous”. “Sure we ended up together a few times” you shrugged “but that was completely by chance, it wasn’t like you were hyper-aware of me or vice versa”. “Yeah not at all” Zuko agreed but he wasn’t looking you in the eye for some reason. You stared at him confused and noticed his neck looked slightly red as if he was blushing. “Wait did you?” you asked suddenly “notice me more?”. Zuko looked up and he was indeed blushing deeply “what I....of course not! I never...I mean I did learn your name before anyone else’s but that’s because we spent that time together when I helped the pirates kidnap you and you wouldn’t shut up the whole night”. “Then why are you blushing so much?” you asked and Zuko shrugged “I don’t know I...it’s just them insinuating I like you. I’ve had it a lot”. “You have?” you asked amazed and Zuko nodded “when my uncle heard you’d seen me in Ba Sing Sei and that we’d reached a deal not to tell on one another he had this annoying smirk like i’d done it for any other reason besides the fact it was mutually beneficial. Then when I went back home Azula made it seem like me and you had a thing and Mai got jealous and started asking about you and I had to explain all our interactions and it was very awkward...she wanted me to reassure her by putting you down and making the idea seem impossible but I must have failed because she didn’t believe me. So I guess that’s why it makes me feel weird, everyone keeps telling me I act differently with you and I suppose I do but I have no idea if that’s because everyone keeps saying it or if I always have”. You nodded your head but were unsure what to say. “Well which one do you think it is?” you asked eventually and Zuko paused “what?”. “If you had to guess, would you say you act differently around me because of what people say about us or have you just always acted that way”. Zuko thought, staring at the ground and basically anywhere but at you, “i’m not sure but I guess maybe the second? They must have got it from somewhere I suppose”. “The second?” you asked surprised and Zuko’s blush returned vividly “I’m only guessing, I honestly don’t know”. You nodded your head and went to speak when the others returned which stopped you right in your tracks.  

The second half of the play began of course with you and Zuko reuniting in the prison under Ba Sing Sei. You and Zuko did end up there together but you definitely did less staring at one another. You rolled your eyes as your characters began to passionately speak to one another stepping closer and closer. They finally reached one another and you laughed when your character began yelling at Zuko’s. “Ha maybe they got some things right!” you whispered to Zuko who nodded “you did yell at me a lot”. You smirked and went to apologise when Zuko’s character kissed yours. You and Zuko abruptly shot away from each other. “That is not even close to what happened!” you cried at the others who were all laughing. Zuko nodded “this is just slander! They didn’t even bother to try to get our characters right and anyone with half a brain would realise that!”. Someone shushed Zuko and he glared “shush yourself” he cried before storming from the room. He didn’t return for the rest of the play and honestly you thought that was probably wise. It got worse and worse. They still kept in Zuko’s betrayal of Iroh but changed it making you at the centre of Zuko’s struggle. He chose the crown and they made you react dramatically (even getting a love ballad moment). They then skipped forwards to Zuko at the palace, who got his own song when he realised he’d made the wrong choice. Your characters reunited not long after and promptly confessed their love for one another. Then you were both murdered by Ozai very much in line with the tragic forbidden lovers style.

“I mean I’m just glad she’s dead” you shrugged on your way out “anything to end that romance”. The others smirked when Aang paused “do you think Zuko went back home to the villa?” looking around for the angry fire prince. “No he knows we don’t know this place well, he’s probably just sat outside somewhere” you replied looking around but you couldn’t see him brooding anywhere either. When you walked out the front door and still didn’t spot him Aang frowned “okay everyone split up and look for him, meet back here in five minutes”.

You returned five minutes later to see Katara, Suki, Sokka and Toph all hadn’t found him either. “I wonder where he is” Katara frowned and you shrugged “he’ll be fine, that boy has nine lives”. “He didn’t in that play” Toph commented and you nodded. “True but that play was a mess and there’s one thing I still can’t get over. Zuko said his family and friends thought he liked me that’s where his side of this rumour started but in the play they acted like I encouraged him! Where on earth did they get that idea?”. The group all went quiet and you paused “what?”. “Well...I mean you kinda do encourage him” Sokka frowned and your jaw dropped “I DO NOT! When have I ever...”. “When we got kidnapped by the pirates you teased Zuko constantly and refused to be quiet until he spoke to you” Katara pointed out. “Yes but that was to annoy him not flirt with him!”. “Okay how about when June asked if you were his girlfriend and you replied he wishes instead of no?”. “I was joking” you shrugged and Toph smirked “or how about when I was sneaking out to see Zuko at the Western Air Temple and found you already on your way to see him? What were you popping in to see Zuko for huh y/n? Nice date by the campfire?”. “I was doing the same thing as you! I was going to see if he would tell the truth and given that I knew him best I thought I....”. The gang all erupted and you paused “what?”. “You know him best?” Sokka asked smirking and you nodded “that doesn’t mean anything it’s a fact”. “Ow is it?” Sokka asked and you nodded “It is! Fine if I don’t know him best what was his fake name in Ba Sing Sei?”. Everyone went quiet and you nodded “or how about how long ago he was banished from the fire nation? Better yet just tell me his parent’s names!” you cried. When nobody replied you smirked folding your arms victoriously “told you I know him best”. “Yeah you’ve definitely proved how much you know about Zuko” Suki smirked looking past you. You frowned before you heard someone behind you. You turned to see Aang had found Zuko and by the look on his face he’d heard everything. You blushed and looked down “Zuko we were...”. “Having a competition to see who knows me best?” Zuko asked mildly amused and you paused “well sort of...Sokka started it”. “No I didn’t” Sokka retorted “you declared you knew Zuko the best and when I asked if you were sure you started spouting your favourite facts about him”. “They’re not my favourite facts about him” you snapped and Sokka’s smirk just grew “whatever y/n” and he turned leading the way home. The others all followed and purposefully made it so you and Zuko were at the back. “Why were you talking about me anyway?” Zuko asked and you paused “ow nothing I was just er...trying to work out why the Ember Island Players thought I had a thing for you but the gang was not helpful”. “They couldn’t think of a reason?” Zuko asked innocently and you frowned “no they could actually think of lots of reasons, it appears similar to your family they were also under the impression I held a flame for you as it were”. “Ow really?” Zuko asked. He kept his voice flat but you could swear he was smirking slightly. “Stop enjoying this” you whined pushing him “it’s not funny, it’s embarrassing”. “Liking me is embarrassing?” Zuko asked and you paused “no I didn’t mean that, I just meant having all your friends claim you like someone when you can’t see it”. “You really can’t see where they’re coming from?” Zuko asked and you shook your head “nope not at all”. Zuko looked away and you frowned “I saw that, what did that look mean?”. “Nothing...” Zuko trailed off but you sighed grabbing him by the arm to make him look at you “I’m sick of everyone saying things about me for once just say it to my face!”. Zuko sighed “fine, I just think i’ve been honest with you but you’re not being honest with yourself”. “Not being honest?”. Zuko nodded “Yes, I admitted I could see where my family were coming from and how the rumours started but you’re acting as if they plucked them out of thin air!”. “Well maybe they did! I don’t see how any of our interactions could be interpreted as romantic”. Zuko didn’t look convinced. “You don’t think there’s some truth to what the Ember Island Players said? That maybe there is something here?” Zuko asked gesturing to the small gap between you. “No of course not! Do you?”. “No” Zuko yelled back and you nodded “fine! You are the most infuriating...” you started when Zuko grabbed you kissing you. You initially tensed at the sensation but soon melted into it. Zuko seemed to be trying to prove a point by kissing you passionately and not wanting him to win you kissed him back matching his intensity. Finally Zuko pulled away for air and stared at you “still not want to admit there’s something here?”. You stared at Zuko torn between admitting he was right and your pride. You were annoyed, frustrated, excited and exhilarated all at once. You were breathing rapidly, your cheeks bright red as were Zuko’s and neither of you made to move away. “I...” you started eventually “that was a good kiss”. Zuko nodded, his frustration melting away “it was, I enjoyed it...I’ve been wondering what it would feel like to kiss you for a while now”. “You have?” you asked and Zuko nodded “as annoying as it is to admit my family and friends were right, I like you and I have for a while”. You smiled despite yourself at how adorable Zuko looked all bashful and embarrassed. “I tried ignoring it for a while but then when I joined the group your friends all saw it straight away. Then tonight...the play was bad but I was frustrated that everyone seemed to see it apart from you the person I actually wanted to see it...you”. You looked down wondering how to reply “I’m sorry I bet that was really frustrating”. Zuko nodded “It was and I figured this was just one-sided but that...did you feel it too?”. Zuko looked so unsure and unlike himself it was endearing and gave you confidence. “Yes” you said shakily “after that kiss I can tell you it is definitely not one-sided. I like you too Zuko and probably have since the start”. “Probably?” Zuko asked and you sighed “I’m not good with my emotions, I can be oblivious to them so I can’t with certainty tell you it’s been going on as long as the play made it out to be but I know I like you. Right now in this moment...I hope that’s enough, I know it’s a shit confession and you probably wanted something more solid but I...”. Zuko began laughing and you paused “what’s so funny?”. “Something more solid? Y/n I’m on the run from the Firelord who is my father, my sister is hunting me to kill me and I could very likely be imprisoned for the rest of my life if Aang fails and that’s if i’m lucky...I’m not even sure if I have a future so trust me all I need is the present. To know in this moment right here you like me back” Zuko blushed but he stepped closer and took your hands “that’s more than enough for me”. “It is?” you asked and Zuko nodded “yes and if by some chance it becomes more long-term I’ll be very happy but for now I just want to enjoy this time with you”. You smiled and leant in to kiss Zuko again when someone coughed. “Hey what are you two doing?” Sokka called. Apparently the others had finally realised the two of you were no longer with the group and walked back to find the two of you as you currently were. Luckily it was dark so you moved away from Zuko but still held his hand. “Yeah we thought you’d gotten lost are you okay?” Katara called. Zuko sighed and you smirked at his expression. “We’re fine” you smiled “we were just talking and Zuko’s going to show me this beach he went to a lot as a kid”. Zuko’s eyes shot up to yours and he smiled. “You are?” Aang asked and Zuko nodded “yep, it’s not far from here so we won’t be long. You guys head back to the villa and we’ll meet you there” and with that Zuko tugged you away from the others. You smiled at Zuko and he smiled back at you “quick thinking, I didn’t think we’d get out of there so easily”. “You can thank me later” you replied when you heard Sokka gasp “wait are they holding hands? Y/n are you holding hands?”. “Run!” Zuko cried and you laughed but did as he said. You kept running even after Sokka’s voice trailed off and only stopped when you reached a sandy beach. You both collapsed on the ground and you turned to look at Zuko “did you know this was here or did you get lucky?”. “Totally the former” he smiled and you shook your head “you’re lucky I like you”. “I really am” Zuko agreed and he stared at your face tenderly. His fingers brushed your cheek and you smiled “what are you waiting for?”. “I have no idea” Zuko admitted and he leant in to reclaim the lost kiss from earlier. This time you weren’t interrupted.

[gffa]

Is speculation utterly useless at this point?  Of course it is.  Am I going to do it anyway?  Obviously! The series has earned enough trust at this point for me to take everything the characters say in moments like this as significant and that, given we’re only halfway through the series now, there’s probably at least one more big reveal coming up.  So this conversation is probably reasonably important!  Even aside from the emotional beats of Loki talking about Frigga. Now, tt’s entirely possible that Sylvie really is a Loki variant who took more of an Enchantress sort of path!  We don’t know nearly enough about how Loki’s shapeshifting works to say anything about their true forms (our Loki variant is still Asgardian in appearance while in the TVA, where his magic doesn’t work, after all), other than that they were born on Jotunheim as a child of Laufey, that’s probably all we can say for certain. But the variant they were chasing was consistently referred to as “him” and yet the TVA seems to already be aware of Sylvie:

Are they just unaware that this version is also Sylvie Laufeydottir?  Or do they know she’s around, but don’t know she’s at the heart of this plot?  Or is this just that Loki doesn’t know that the TVA already knows about her and that she’s not the variant they’re chasing, because they’re keeping secrets, because he didn’t really pay attention, because he didn’t ask the right questions, because Mobius is kind of a dick, because some other reason? Which makes me wonder about the above conversation--there’s a point being made that Sylvie doesn’t reveal much about herself, I’m sure you have to take everything she says with suspicion, but the inclusion of this conversation about how she has a beau waiting for her, a postman that she has a serious long-distance relationship with, someone who was facing annihilation and apparently agreed to a relationship with her for it. It’s not impossible that she’s talking about the actual Loki variant they’re chasing, because I think I would be disappointed if we only got two Lokis showing up, aside from brief glances at different variants they’ve already put down. I’m still fascinated by the significance of that Kablooie gum--sure, it might just be an easter egg that’s already served its purpose to draw them to this version of Loki, who didn’t seem surprised that Loki “ruined the surprise” of her origin, she seems to know she was born a Frost Giant, if she is indeed Loki.  But given the pointing to the devil in the stained glass window, the use of the blue monster on the gum, making sure that the gum is displayed in the credits--I’m undecided how much is just fun nods to Loki’s origins versus hints of someone behind all of this. Sylvie’s dislike of being called Loki, being sensitive to it and really hating it, does make it seem like she has issues with it, and why would she care if it weren’t actually her name?  (Unless she hated all Lokis and didn’t want his name, but then probably wouldn’t be working with one.)  And just because the above conversation is framed as being about romance doesn’t mean it’s either Loki/Loki or that she can’t be a Loki as well, but it all does make me raise an eyebrow. The show has done a really nice job of getting me to think a bunch of different possibilities could happen, she could be a smushing of two different characters into one, the blonde hair could be a misdirect on purpose, it could just be that she wanted to get as far away from all the other Lokis she’s ever run into before, so she became this instead, even changing her name, it could be that she’s actually not a Loki at all, but working for one and hiding behind the facade of pretending to be the variant they’re looking for, it could be that Loki Odinson is the only one in the dark because that asshole thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room and then inevitably falls for people’s tricks because he underestimates them, like that was a significant theme in TDW and Ragnarok, that he fell for Thor’s plans. Whatever they’re going for, I’m certainly hooked, though!

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: Nirvana in Fire - A Primer

(Masterpost)

Warning: Mild spoilers for the first 5 or 6 episodes

I have injected all 54 episodes of Nirvana in Fire (The TOS/first series, not the TNG/second series) directly into my neck vein in the past week, having initially bounced off the first episode the three previous times I tried to watch it. I thought a primer might be useful for people who are undecided about watching it, or who are finding the first episode as confusing as I initially did.

This will be followed by Episode recap posts, although not (I hope) at the pace or word count of my Untamed recaps (which are ongoing!). (Edit: see masterpost for more)

I watched it on Viki but I think it’s on Youtube as well.

What is Nirvana in Fire and Why Should I Watch It?

Nirvana in Fire (aka Langya Bang) is about this guy, Mei Changsu. 

He goes by various names in the drama but we're just going to call him Mei Changsu for simplicity. He's looking for justice and he's very very clever. He's also sickly and obviously dying possibly doesn't have very long to live.  

He's secretly a member of the royal family, and all of his old friends think he's dead. He had a medical trauma that turned him into a different actor, so most of his friends can't recognize him. In order to get justice, he needs to shake some things up in the capital, so he goes there and starts manipulating people.

The Pugilist World

He's also, conveniently, the head of a Wuxia ("pugilist" in most subs) society that's like the CIA of the Warring States Period. This gives him a good supply of friendly minions.

His main people from the Pugilist side of things are: 

Sarcastic Kung Fu doctor. He's important in the first episode and then we don't see him for like 40 episodes and then he's important again.

Sullen/adorable Kung Fu adolescent, who is nearly unbeatable and is played by the kid from Tomb of the Sea & Fights Break Sphere. He is with Mei Changsu throughout the story as his bodyguard and reminder that MCS has a soft heart sidekick.

(more after the cut!)

The Court

Over on the court side of things, there's an emperor, who is a paranoid jerk, but also has some layers to his personality. He’s not a cartoonish villain.

Happily, the show doesn’t lean too hard into the whole “I dare not!” thing where nobody can talk normally to anybody in the court because they’re afraid of being executed. 

Chinese emperors got to choose the next emperor from among their offspring, rather than being constrained by primogeniture like European monarchies, so sibling rivalry basically reached its apotheosis in Chinese Imperial families. Among this emperor’s progeny are four princes who actually matter. 

1. Prince Qi was executed as a traitor, but wasn't a traitor, and Mei Changsu wants to clear his name, along with the names of all of his supposed followers who were also executed. 

2. The Crown Prince, who is in favor. He is dumb. He looks like this: 

3. The not-crown Prince, who is in favor and wants to become crown prince. He is smarter than the Crown Prince but not as smart as Mei Changsu. Nobody is as smart as Mei Changsu. He looks like this: 

4. Prince Jing also wants to clear Prince Qi's name and insists he was innocent, so he is out of favor.  Prince Jing is a fine upstanding moral heroic dude, who has a temper and can’t keep his mouth shut.   

Prince Jing looks like this.

So, we're rooting for prince Jing, obviously.

Mei Changsu is also rooting for Prince Jing because 

They were best friends back when Mei Changsu was a young, different-actor guy without a medical trauma 

He'll be a good ruler 

He, like Mei Changsu, wants to clear up this whole traitor situation 

He looks like this: 

The Friendships

In the current time, Prince Jing doesn't know who Mei Changsu is so he doesn't fully trust him, and talks smack about his values. At the same time he just *feels* an affinity for him and they look at each other like this.

Do they lock eyes like that for the entirety of every conversation? Yep, pretty much.  

Also Mei Changsu's old girlfriend is in the picture, and she's fucking awesome, which makes the shipping situation complicated when the Changsu x Prince Jing energy is so strong. 

This is how she gets onto a horse:

Here Mei Changsu is pretending that he is a dude she just met, rather than her long-lost fiance (who, reminder, had a medical trauma resulting in a totally different actor changed appearance). 

Gazing heatedly and with maximum intensity at a person is a good way to pretend you don’t know them. 

I think she’s fooled, don’t you?

She conveniently disappears for like 25 episodes in the middle of the show, which uncomplicates the shipping situation a bit, for a while, anyway.

She has a best friend who's the Wuxia version of a tough lady cop, speaking of shipping.

There are a pair of young friends who share one brain cell and hang out with Mei Changsu, and who develop in interesting ways as the story progresses.

Then there's the guard captain who is an old friend who DOES know who Mei Changsu is, who's super hot and...not the sharpest nail in the horseshoe.

Captain Handsome is the only guy who can beat the Kung Fu kid. 

The Plot

Mei Changsu wants to clear the names and restore the honor of a whole lot of dead people--an entire army full of them--and the best way to do that is to put his friend in a position of power. 

He assembles a bat-team and then starts playing an extremely complex game of political Weiqi, driving opponents into impossible situations and taking them off the board one by one, while they work to do the same thing to his forces. 

The emotional connection between Mei Changsu and Prince Jing is hugely important to the story, but they don't spend most of their time together - they're working in different spheres toward a single goal, touching base often but not sharing many lighthearted moments or spending a lot of time socializing.  

So if you're craving a best-friends adventure story or a (covert) BL romance story, this isn't it. But the emotional journeys of the two main dudes are incredibly deep, and each of those journeys gets ample screen time.  

The M/F romance is also deeply important to the characters’ journeys but it’s not primarily about being together; it’s about working together toward a higher purpose. 

Is this a normal way to react when a woman you don’t really know brings you to visit the empty house of a condemned criminal you never met? Sure. Is it normal of her to randomly bring you to your own abandoned house when she just met you? Probably! 

Is it reasonable for a man to look this good in blue fur? No!

Fundamentally this is a plot-driven story, with really no filler -- story threads that seem unrelated all weave back into the main story, and stories about side characters tell us important information about the main characters. 

It’s a truly beautiful story about seeking justice and bringing peace to the souls of the dead--it’s not a revenge story, and Mei Changsu has a surprising amount of compassion for the people he opposes, even while he’s manipulating them into ruining their lives. 

It's. Freaking. Awesome.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey Steph, really adore your blog. I saw your ask about s3 and s4 John and his anger. do you have any pics that deal with that? I think his anger is caused by his jealousy. he loves Sherlock and is deeply insecure about S's love for him. I'd love to find some fics that actually deal with all of that. thank you. x

Hey Nonny!!

I DO!!! Been waiting for another ask to finally get this list up and out! Hope you find something you enjoy on this one! <3

ANGRY / CRANKY JOHN

See also:

Jealous John b/c of Other People

Jealous John

Jealous John Pt. 2 and Jealous Sherlock Pt 2 

Jealous John Pt 3 and Jealous Sherlock Pt 3 

Jealous John and Sherlock Pt. 4 

Jealous John and Sherlock Pt. 5

Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Texting, Humour, Fluff, POV John, Cranky John) – A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.

And, Usually, He's the One Who GIVES Me a Headache by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,315 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, POV John, Cranky John, Headaches, Head Massage) – A migraine is never fun.

Hallucinations can't open doors by Bespectacled dreamer (K+, 1,330 w., 1 Ch. || Reunion, Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Hallucinations, John’s Wedding, Light Humour) – In which John gets married and Sherlock gets a broken nose.

The 3x John Carried Sherlock, and Once ViceVersa by ShinkonoKokoro (K+, 1,673 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Friendship, Three and One, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Worried Sherlock, John Gets Shot) – It happens more than he suspects.

Baskerville After Dark by Ttime42 (T, 1,921 w., 1 Ch. || THoB, Friendship, Humor, Bed Sharing, Missing Scenes, Cranky John, Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have to share a bed at Baskerville. Gen, but can be preslash.

Stay by sussexbound (M, 2,067 w., 1 Ch. || Post TAB, Suicidal Ideation Mention, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Love Confessions, Frottage, Coming in Pants) –  “Why? Why did you do it? Hmm…?” He takes a deep breath, waits, lets it out again. “Look at me.” There’s no denying him when he takes this tone. “Why did you kill him? Hmm…? For her? After…” A muscle twitches in the corner of John’s eye, and he clamps his jaw down tightly, swallows and sniffs a little before continuing. “For her? After everything she’s done?” “For you.” Before he can even stop himself. Just like that.

Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt by satanatemycat (T, 2,107 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Texting, Bored/Cranky Sherlock) – In which John makes a bet with a co-worker. If he wins, she shuts up about him and Sherlock being a couple. If he loses… well, that doesn’t matter, because he won’t lose. Because he and Sherlock ARE NOT a couple. Right?

Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock (K+, 2,617 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Bed Sharing, Oblivious Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Grumpy John, Fluff and Cuddles) – Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John's bedroom is now a research library. It's not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They're friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it's not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It'll be fine.

Those Days by StillWaters1 (T, 2,663 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD / Sensory Attacks, Caring Sherlock) – If Sherlock had danger nights, then these were John's danger days.

Extraordinary by ardenteurophile (T, 2,739 w., 7 Ch. || Angst, Pining, Romance, Second Person POV Sherlock, Pre-Slash) – Sherlock tries to understand his preoccupation with one Doctor John Watson - the one case he can never solve.

BBCSH 'The Comfort of Company' by tigersilver (T, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/Mary, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Bed Sharing, Grumpy John, Touching, Clingy/Handsy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Fluff and Light Angst) – It's a trope that John and Sherlock end up sharing in the same bed eventually and I admit I do adore it unconditionally, along with all it infers as to the lowering of defenses and the heightening of trust. I put forth for your consideration that the notion persists because those who think about these things realize these two men are each in dire need of some good company.

Unquantifiable by 221b_hound (M, 2,799 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Grumpy John, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Pet Names, Texting, Sweet Sherlock, Princess Bride References) – John remains a terrible and foul-tempered patient, but he does try to make up for it with pet names and text message silliness. In the meantime, Sally Donovan visits Baker Street for a hint about the Milverton case, and has to deal with a Sherlock Holmes who can't find words big enough to thank her for saving John's life at the warehouse. For afters, there's a viewing of The Princess Bride. Part 33 of the Unkissed series

Bathroom Accessories by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 3,324 w., 1 Ch. || Sex Toys, Butt Plug, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Horny Sherlock, John’s Patience Wears Thin, Humour, Bottomlock) – John discovers that Sherlock has been playing with some very adult toys in the bath.

After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w., 2 Ch. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.

Breakfast, acronyms and brotherhood by Rose de Sharon (K+, 4,074 w., 1 Ch. || TBB Fic, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Fluff) – Set after The Blind Banker: my take of Sherlock and John's conversation over breakfast. S/J friendship, bromance, no slash.

Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w., 1 Ch. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn't seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can't tell what's real and what's not. How will Sherlock react?

What John Doesn't Know (Won't Hurt Him) by blueink3 (NR [T], 4,392 w., 1 Ch, || S3 Fix It, Pining Sherlock, Snippets of Life, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Fluff and Angst, Five and One, Hopeful Ending, POV Sherlock) – Five people who see Sherlock's scars before John Watson. But Sherlock's secrets were never something he could keep from his blogger for long.

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

When Your Belly's in the Trench by Morgan_Stuart (T, 4,743 w., 1 Ch. || PTSD, Character Study, Rescue, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Torture, Trauma, Danger, Drama, Kidnapping/Captivity) – The next time that door opens, John Watson will kill the person on the other side.

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 5,034 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

This Year by DiscordantWords (T, 6,283 w., 2 Ch. || TEH Divergence / No Mary, New Year’s Eve, John’s A Mess, Jealous John, Awkward Conversations, Trapped in a Closet, Estranged After Return, John POV, Semi-Reunion, Angry John, First Kiss, Reconciliation, Clueless Sherlock, Happy Ending) – Last year, Sherlock Holmes showed up at the Landmark with a fake moustache and a bad French accent and threw John's entire life into disarray with two words: "Not dead." This year, there are more surprises in store.

An Interpretation of Viewing Habits by akitsuko (E, 6,653 w., 1 Ch. || Porn Watching, Masturbation, Anal, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Declarations of Love, Jealous Sherlock, Fantasizing, John in Denial / Internalized Homophobia, Bottomlock, Pining Idiots, Sherlock Has No Boundaries, Cockblocking Sherlock) – John watches porn. It's a perfectly normal thing to do.If every video he watches happens to feature actors with remarkable physical similarities to his flatmate, well, that's no one's business but his own. Or: John is in denial, until his infatuation with Sherlock is impossible to deny anymore.

BANG by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 7,016 w., 3 Ch. || Post-TGG AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Worried / Scared Sherlock, Alternating POV, Whump, Hospital Recovery, Open Ending) – 'I should warn you,' Sherlock says, his voice steady and his eyes fixed on Moriarty. 'You are sadly misinformed.' And he fires. Prequel to M Is For Moriarty

Stranded by BeautifulFiction (T, 5, 798 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Communication / Relationship Discussion, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, BAMF John, Doctor John, Case Fic, Drinking, Huddling For Warmth, Friends to More) –  When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalize Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn't count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination?, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

A Quiet Life by DiscordantWords (M, 25,176 w., 6 Ch. || Post S4, Retirement, POV Sherlock, Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Minor Character Death, Questionable Parenting Choices, Non-Linear Narrative, 20 Year Old Rosie, Meddling Mycroft, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Angst, Sherlock Whump) – There had been three days of silence and a funeral. Sherlock had the terrible feeling that whatever happened next would depend, entirely, on him.

To Mend Icarus by AlessNox (T, 28,347 w., 14 Ch. || Post-TRF / Pre-S3 Divergence, BAMF John, Anger, Fighting, Sex, Bed Sharing, Stalking, Case Fic, John’s Past, Introspection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Crime, Mythology, Darkness) – After a case lands John Watson in court, he tells Sherlock that he is leaving. Not understanding why, Sherlock decides that the only way to learn the truth is to investigate his flatmate, Dr. John Watson. Sherlock finds that coming back is not enough to fix all of the damage that he caused by leaving. A post Reichenbach, post reunion re-discovery fic.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn't Sherlock, he couldn't work miracles. All he'd ever been able to do was write about them.

Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w., 18 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets,  Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love,  Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock, John Separated From His Child) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic / Meta Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Demisexual Sherlock, Holmes Family, John Whump, Gay Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Drug Addiction, Parenting, TFP is a Nightmare, Virgin Sherlock, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Switchlock, John’s Past, Sherlock’s Past, Eurus, Love Confessions) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[firecoloredwater]

So I talked to @denialcity a bit about aro Mito and then spent most of work today contemplating how I would do aro versions of other characters so just.  Have a list.

Mito:

Mito marries Hashirama, and I’m like 95% sure it’s arranged in canon?  Or at least very strongly encouraged.

So all the romantic gestures are very sweet and kind and also, initially, a relief, because everything she’s heard about Hashirama is that he’s impossibly nice and kind but you never know.  But it’s true!  He’s just as caring as she was told.  It’s good.

Except eventually Mito is not newly married and nervous about it, and then all the romantic gestures start getting to be a bit Much.  It’s still very sweet!  Hashirama is doing everything right!  Mito appreciates that he cares!  But she doesn’t actually need or want these things, and trying to act appropriately happy about them is stilted and awkward at best.  Trying to make romantic gestures in return is even more stressful.

But like, what can she do?  Ask her husband to please stop acting like he loves her?  There are at least three reasons why she absolutely cannot do that.

Eventually she tries to gently subtly nudge him into at least leaning more toward gestures she likes better, like giving her sealing materials instead of flowers.  That eventually leads to an actual “listen I appreciate that you care but I would really prefer you express that via Not This” conversation, and they eventually figure out a relationship that does not involve anyone faking being touched while screaming internally on a regular basis.

Obviously this would be very conducive to Hashirama/Madara (or Hashirama/anyone other than Mito), in which case you get irony via the ship angsting because they’re pining but Can’t Be Together because Hashirama is married, and meanwhile Mito is screaming internally about how she desperately wishes Hashirama would find some other way to channel all his fuzzy romantic feelings that doesn’t involve her.

Also optionally featuring Mito completely misreading the pining, because when Hashirama is distracted by Madara Mito just goes “oh thank god, no flowers today” and doesn’t question it.  But then sometimes Hashirama looks at Madara, has a Feeling, and feels guilty about it, so he comes home and makes a point of doing something romantic for Mito.  Mito then concludes that Madara A: is a naturally very romantic person, B: is for some reason giving Hashirama ideas about romantic gestures that Hashirama can make for Mito, and C: the ‘some reason’ might be ‘Madara has a secret girlfriend somewhere that only Hashirama knows about’ because why else would they be talking about romance on a regular basis that Hashirama wouldn’t just mention when he rambles about everything Madara said today?  This is at least 80% true and also, completely wrong.

Hashirama:

Hashirama just... cares about people.  All people.  (Or at least all people that he knows, since he can’t really afford to care that much about every enemy he ever meets.)  He gets warm fuzzy caring feelings about everyone he knows.

Since the feelings aren’t really different, he instead parses the differences between types of relationships as purely a matter of behavior and external labels.  He loves Mito romantically because she’s his wife and that makes their relationship romantic.  He loves Madara platonically because they’re not married so it’s not romantic.  He loves Tobirama like a brother because they are brothers.  That’s how it works, right?

That is not how it works* but Hashirama doesn’t have any reason to state the self-evident out loud so no one corrects him.

Since Hashirama is modeling his relationships on how x type of relationship is Supposed To Work it’s not really obvious that he’s not feeling the typical things, and any oddities tend to get put down to either ‘well he’s busy with running a clan and a village’ or ‘Hashirama is just kind of weird in most ways’

His marriage being probably arranged also helps disguise this, because if anyone does start to suspect that he’s not actually feeling ~romance~, well... that happens, at least he still cares about her, it could have been much worse.

Obviously this is also conducive to Mito/anyone else ships, although since no one is actually bothered they can also just have a good relationship in which Hashirama has slightly different feelings than most people would assume.

If Mito and Hashirama are both aro, it goes basically as if Mito was aro until the ‘actually please stop being romantic at me’ conversation.  Aro Hashirama is actually more distressed by that conversation than alloromantic Hashirama, because by the definitions he’s been working with, making romantic gestures is a large part of what determines whether he’s a Good Husband or a Bad Husband, but if Mito’s unhappy that’s also not Good.  So he needs a lecture on ‘relationships are individual and don’t have to follow stereotypes to be good for the people in them,’ basically.  Once he figures that out everything goes well (except that everyone else he’s close to then has to suffer through a I Care About You Very Much, How Should Our Friendship Work? conversation, and basically all of them find that extremely awkward).

Tobirama:

Aro Tobirama honestly doesn’t look any different than canon.  He has better and more important things to do and he’s going to do them.  Stop asking inane questions and let him finish this paperwork, he has experiments to get to.

Tobirama is probably the most likely to figure out on his own that romance isn’t appealing and therefore he isn’t going to do it.

That doesn’t mean anyone ELSE realizes he’s aro.  Tobirama has a tendency to form very intense friendships, which inevitably results in people assuming he has a crush.  He does not have a crush and he is sick of having to explain the concept of friendship to people.

The ACTUAL reason is just that Tobirama is intense about everything, or at least everything he deems worthy of caring about at all.  No one in this generation is good at chill but at least the rest of them mostly don’t consider having any chill to be a personal failing.  Tobirama would, so he makes sure not to have any.

Madara: 

Madara spent most of his teens and 20s absolutely certain that he was tragically in love with Hashirama.  Impossible, star-crossed, tragic love.  He daydreams about a world where they could be together and they’d be the most amazing power couple and fix the whole world and protect everyone and everything would be perfect.  Most of these daydreams involve some form of the two of them arriving together for a battle and being terrifying and badass.

Except then the war ends and they’re allies and being together in some way is starting to look like it might actually be possible and Madara does the secret emotional equivalent of frantically scrambling backwards

Okay so he wasn’t in love with Hashirama, he was just in love with the idea of Hashirama, but the actual person not so much.  Or maybe he was, when he was younger, but the point is he’s not now.

Now Madara is in love with Tobirama.  What a shame that Tobirama loathes him.  Tragic!  Impossible love!  Madara is just going to be stuck with pining secretly again, how sad.

No he’s not going to do anything to try to get Tobirama to like him.  That’s... beneath his dignity.  Something like that.  Anyway it’s all going to stay impossible so there’s no reason to do or say anything about it ever.

Except eventually Madara and Tobirama become friends and Madara figures out that Tobirama is just abrasive and does not hate him and, hey! coincidentally! turns out Madara is not in love with Tobirama either.  How ironic.  But he got a friendship out of it, so, win-win?

The next crush is, like, a Hyuuga, and completely impossible because neither of their clans would ever tolerate the two of them marrying, the Sharingan and Byakugan are both too complicated and either would mess with inheriting the other.  Since that’s the case Madara is going to do the noble thing and not ever tell his crush about his crush, because the only possible outcomes are A: they don’t return it and it’s awkward, or B: they do return it and now they also have to suffer through wanting a relationship they can’t have.  Clearly secret pining is the only appropriate way to handle this.

Madara maybe figures himself out if Hashirama or Mito is also aro and Hashirama talks to him about it, but otherwise he gets to like, 60+ before he ever starts to realize that, hm, there seems to be a pattern in his crushes and that pattern is that they vanish the instant they became even slightly plausible.

Izuna:

Izuna knows he’s not in love with anyone, and has never even particularly liked anyone in that way.  He knows this is slightly weird the older he gets, but doesn’t really care.

Mostly Izuna figures that he’ll fall in love when he falls in love, and isn’t bothered about when that happens.  He has his brother and his clan and his friends, he’s happy as he is, he doesn’t need to fall in love with anyone.

There is the whole ‘having children’ issue but he doesn’t need to be in love for that.  If he gets married he’ll be very clear with everyone that it’s platonic and probably won’t ever be anything else.  Not in a mean way but just, realistic expectations are good to have.

As for why he hasn’t ever had a crush: eh, who knows?  High standards?  He probably just has high standards.

Really though, look at him, is he not the finest example of an Uchiha, which is obviously the best clan ever?

Except Madara, but Madara is also a flaily dork half the time.  Izuna can’t take his brother seriously as some hypothetical person’s crush.  He remembers gluing Madara’s hair to the floor when they were kids and Madara shrieking at him for two hours while he carefully pulled out every single hair individually to avoid cutting it, even though it was only like the last inch and his hair needed to be cut soon anyway.  So they’re tied for the status of ‘best Uchiha’ in Izuna’s opinion.

The point is, Izuna is amazing, so it makes sense that he has high standards.  Show him a princess that can keep up with him in a fight and maybe he’ll have a crush then.

“So... Tobirama.  You’re describing Tobirama.”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT”

Izuna is completely sincere in being horrified at the suggestion that he might like Tobirama in any way, but that is not going to stop him from calling Tobirama a princess to his face now that Izuna has the idea.

*or so I’ve been told

[laniidae-passerine]

okay I’m going to try explain all the car boot Orpheus + Eurydice stuff I said in @protectspock tags but also I am flying off five hours of sleep so. Do not expect this to be eloquent lmao

I think in regards to “the inherent liminal space of the car boot” I meant that it’s a very Schrödinger’s cat space. When it’s shut, Shayla isn’t dead. We spend the whole episode with the closed car boot and as such never draw the conclusion that she isn’t alive, meaning she is alive. She’s a concept, a character - not only to us, but also kinda to Elliot.

He dreams of her making him better, of her love transforming him into the person he wants to be. It’s not in a ‘a woman fixes me’ situation in his mind though, it’s more the promise that all his effort will pay off. He can have a normal life with this girl and if he really really tries, he can be normal too. From the jump, it’s clear that a casual and calm love like Shayla’s takes the pressure off Elliot. He doesn’t have to be something for her, because she doesn’t want anything but what he gives her. It’s all chill to her, so he gets to relax as well. This is due to the fact that Shayla is also a hot mess and frankly not very stable, but what matters here is the fantasy and reality mixing together. She helps him get a little better, so he projects that she can help him get wholly better. He’s going to be fixed this time and she can do it. That’s what Shayla is to him - someone he cares deeply for (he does love her and she loves him too) but also hope. She’s a flashlight in a dark cavern.

But not actually. We know the truth - that they’d probably have dated for a while but likely split because they’re both too unstable for romance right now. And Shayla isn’t a flashlight in a cavern. As much as I adore the girl, she’s very likely just a glowstick who can light some of the way but not very far, in regards to how she can help Elliot. When she’s dead, we have to realise that. This was unstable. This wasn’t safe. They cared for each other (also Shayla deserved to live, irregardless of what help she gave others) but they weren’t going to last forever. And while Shayla was not and should never be viewed as a stepping stone in a man’s life, she was never going to have saved Elliot. Romantic love isn’t going to save him or cure his mental illness or get him a white picket fence. So when he opens that car boot, he has to face that fact. This kind of love can’t save him. Shayla, the concept, the dream, is dead.

In a more ‘romantic’ slant, when talking about an Orpheus and Eurydice in regards to Elliot and Shayla, it’s more about having and not having. See, in O&E, Orpheus goes to the underworld to get his wife back and we all know the story of them walking through the underworld and all he has to do is not look back. Much like the car boot being a transient space, looking kills Shayla. We believed wholeheartedly that she was alive. Obviously, she was dead the whole time and there wasn’t a thing Elliot could have done, but since we only follow his perspective, it feels as if his gaze condemned her. If he just hadn’t looked, the story could have had a happy ending.

Shayla is there with Elliot and also is not, the same way Eurydice is there with Orpheus and simultaneously is not. When the latter pair walk through the underworld, Orpheus has her, because she’s walking behind him. She’s following, she’s tangible, she’s there. But she’s dead. The woman walking behind him is dead and you cannot keep a corpse. So while his lover is there and can be killed, she was dead the whole time too.

Shayla was in the car boot, murdered, impossible to rescue. But Elliot goes on his hero’s quest and he believes, as do we, that Shayla can be saved. She’s literally following him around. But like Eurydice, that body in the trunk is not Shayla. It is the body of the woman who was Shayla, who was dead the whole time and to death must return.

[shihalyfie]

Takeru’s character song “Focus”

I alluded to this in a prior post (and, to be a bit honest about it, was a little concerned about how it would be received), but I had some friends ask about what I meant about this, so I decided to go more into detail with it! This is also partially in light of the occasion of the Best Partner albums also becoming a topic of interest again, so it feels like a good time as ever!

02 was a pretty prolific time for merchandising and side material as far as the franchise goes, and one of the many things that came out of it was the “Best Partner” series of character song albums (a whole 36 songs for all 12 Adventure and 02 kids plus their partners!). Of these, Takeru’s song “Focus” has been a particular topic of interest for many in the fanbase to its suspiciously loaded language and the fact that, well...it comes off as a romantic song, which is very unusual in a series that infamously didn’t touch on the topic of romance very much in terms of the actual series. Speculation has constantly abounded on what it’s supposed to imply, why it’s written this way, and what it could possibly mean...

But if you look at it closely? It’s probably not meant to be romantic, and it most likely refers to Patamon.

One thing that I do need to point out is context. Many who have been cynical about the song’s alleged romantic implications have generally put forth the idea that the music department was technically separate from the anime staff, so it’s possible that the music staff wanted to bait or provoke fanservice without much connection from the anime production. It is, undoubtedly, true that the music department isn’t necessarily fully tied in with the anime department, and has been fully willing to indulge in questionably-canon silliness (while 02′s Christmas Fantasy is certainly in-character, its placement in actual canon timeline has to be finagled with because of what we know about 02′s actual Christmas, and Tamers’s Christmas Illusion is far more comedic than the series itself actually permits), and, exacerbating this further is the fact that Hikari has her own extremely romantically loaded song, Reflection, which is often submitted as evidence that Focus must be made in the same vein, but tends to omit the fact that the album it comes from (Girls Festival) needs to be taken with a very heavy grain of salt given that it’s a notorious fanservice album that deliberately plays up the “maiden-like” characteristics of all of the girls involved for the sake of, ah, a certain subsection of the audience. (It was also made in 2002, long after 02′s production had ended.)

The notable thing about the Best Partner albums is that all of the material on it is extremely in-character, and this is especially notable because the song lyrics are significantly more obviously relevant to each character in 02 and their relationship with their partner than even the original Adventure character songs were (with said Adventure character songs often toeing into rather vague glosses that are only tangentially relevant to each character, and Mimi’s song on there pretty blatantly being an AiM single shoved onto the album for the sake of being called a Mimi song). Moreover, Focus isn’t just written by some random lyricist they grabbed for it, but regular Digimon lyricist Yamada Hiroshi himself, who was very involved in the anime production in terms of writing 02′s inserts Break up! and Beat Hit!, and, considering everything this series is about, you’d imagine he’d probably have been given some kind of details about what to do with Takeru’s representative song. It would be quite strange if, for some reason, Takeru’s song were the only one to go really off the rails about shipping bait instead of being, well, actually about his character arc. 

I should emphasize that the fact that this song is so commonly read as romantic persists in Japan as well, so whether it was via mishap or not, undeniably, the way the lyrics are phrased definitely make the romantic reading a very reasonable one to pull. The language in the song is extremely “loaded”, and, if it weren’t for the unique circumstances I’m about to describe, most reasonable people can’t really be blamed for taking it this way. However, I will say that all of the most common English translations of various parts of the songs have tended to assume the romantic interpretation as well, and have thus followed up with it by definitively translating it in ways that make it near impossible to read otherwise. So what I’m saying here is that I don’t think it was unreasonable for people to have taken the romantic interpretation, and I don’t particularly intend to blame or criticize the translators who handled this song for also taking it this way, but I also want to make clear that this is not the only way to read the song, and that there’s a very high possibility that this wasn’t the case to begin with.

(Also, since I mentioned Yamada Hiroshi earlier: it’s actually not all that uncommon for him to use heavily-loaded language like this in songs he’s written for the series -- refer to Beat Hit! -- it’s just that people haven’t traditionally taken them as shipping because the context and identity of the songs’ topic matters were so obvious that there wasn’t much need to do speculation about it.)

Let’s take a look into all of the parts of the song that have been traditionally taken as romantic:

"We were together since we were little”

One thing that’s interesting about how this line is phrased in Japanese is that it doesn’t actually specify who was little. And, obviously, if you’re talking about a relationship between humans, you’d think that childhood friends would grow up together, so you’d default to “we”...but, actually, the Japanese text doesn’t rule out the possibility of reading this as “since I was little”. Which means that, yes, Patamon isn’t out of the ruling here -- because, indeed, they met when Takeru was young.

In fact, this actually is a line that arguably should rule out anyone else, especially including the most common speculated topic for this song, Hikari -- because he and Hikari weren’t actually that close during Adventure, and their time “together” was relatively short compared to the rest of the adventure. Remember that the Adventure kids weren’t very close to each other after the events of the series, and Hikari and Takeru didn’t keep close contact between Adventure and 02 -- contrast Patamon being close to Takeru during the entirety of the series, and, bar their periods of disconnect between Adventure and 02, you could say that he’s been the closest to Takeru since this time, especially since Yamato hadn’t been able to be as present for him as he’d wanted.

"Running, rolling around, and always laughing"

Again, this is a line that practically excludes nearly anyone else from consideration. Nobody ever did this with Takeru in Adventure but Patamon, especially since Takeru was trying to present himself as a well-behaved kid in the presence of his elders, and it’s entirely possible he wouldn’t have been willing to do this with anyone else but the outwardly childish Patamon. It definitely would not have been Hikari, who was arguably even more reserved than him during this time.

“It would have been better if I hadn’t realized”/“I have a lot of things I want to tell you, but I can’t really say it”/“I can’t ask that”

Sentiments like “I can’t admit it”, or difficulty with accepting one’s own feelings, is usually associated with developing romantic feelings for another person and being touchy about admitting them, but the thing is that this is intended to be a representative character song, and Takeru is actually abysmally bad at admitting anything in general. And yes, that includes not being able to be straightforward with Patamon himself about parsing his trauma over his death.

Takeru was never able to have a straightforward conversation with even Patamon about the whole issue, because of his nasty habit of never opening up about his problems and never being honest about them. That’s why Iori had to be the one to take matters into his own hands and go out of his way to understand Takeru, because Takeru sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to work through this on his own, or even with Patamon.

“I can’t get you off my mind”

This one’s actually a stock phrase in Japanese that can refer to “being interested” in someone (romantically), but can also refer to something just not really being able to leave your head in general (from being bothered by it, or being very worried). So yes, this could mean anything from a romantic fixation...to simply being constantly worried and concerned about one’s welfare.

“You were always crying”

As far as people around Takeru’s periphery who apparently cried a lot goes, there aren’t a lot! The description doesn’t seem to fit Hikari much, either (she had her moments, but it’s not the kind of thing you’d imagine this kind of extreme descriptor for). Hm, but there is someone who might fit that description...

Certainly, enough that Takeru would remember.

(By the way, Patamon gets sent on the verge of tears in the middle of his own solo song...)

"The door that I couldn't reach that day, no matter how far I stretched out"

Very important part here: that day. There was a very important “day” that seems to be on Takeru’s mind here. What’s repeatedly referred to in 02 as one of the most traumatic and impactful days of Takeru’s life?

Incidentally, Takeru and Patamon’s duet song for this album also just so happens to use “opening door” imagery...

“You’re now standing in the light”

That use of “light” is usually submitted as evidence that it’s referring to Hikari via a pun on her name, but, well, “light” does happen to just mean “light”, after all (and it’s used in many contexts that don’t necessarily have to refer to Hikari in 02 itself). And, well...

Pretty apt description there, no?

"We were always being protected"

It could refer to Hikari, or anyone else Takeru was with during Adventure, but remember that Patamon was always the slowest to evolve (especially given the many circumstances that happened with him in Adventure that kept him unable to actively join the fight effectively for a very, very long time), and Takeru himself also had a pretty nasty complex about holding everyone back.

So, in conclusion...

Despite how loaded the language is, in the end, it’s probably meant to be a song about Takeru handling his trauma regarding Patamon very poorly at the time of 02. Which is, well, what his character arc in 02 was about, so it tracks, doesn’t it?

Bear in mind that, again, this is basically “one readable interpretation of it”, which I also personally happen to back very strongly because I think the evidence simply tracks too much given context -- the details described in the song rule out almost every other candidate that would be relevant to Takeru’s character arc, also happen to describe the events of Adventure too well, and certainly would track much better with everything else in this particular album series mostly being relevant to everyone’s character as reflected in 02. Song lyrics are song lyrics, and interpretation might be in the eyes of the beholder...but, you know, food for thought.

[curioussubjects]

come be a season 12 truther with me; or what if dean and cas got together offscreen

Originally, I wrote this post to celebrate “Galaxy Brain” airing as Berens & Glynn gave us “The Future.” It’s been a while since that episode aired, and some things have changed about this meta. As such, there are multiple versions of this post floating around, so make sure to go back to the source for the most up to date version.  For all intents and purposes, this post functions as a meta manifesto not unlike shipping manifestos from days of LJ past. In keeping with that tradition, this post is a close reading of Dabb Era Destiel in which I argue that by using narrative gaps, queer coding, and romance tropes, Dean and Cas are shown to be in an established relationship. Although beyond the scope of this post, it’s worth pointing out that keeping Destiel mostly off screen was a way for the creatives to bypass network censorship while still remaining true to the characters.

This post is divided into three sections. Section I focuses on giving an overview of why earlier seasons of Supernatural aren’t as compelling as season 12 as a turning point for Dean and Cas’s relationship. That said, special consideration is given to 09.06 “Heaven Can’t Wait” as a potential rest stop in our journey due to it’s significantly placed narrative gap as well as themes in the episode. However, this post isn’t going to examine season 9 trutherism in depth, though it does coexist with and allow for it. Section II analyses season 12 and proposes a timeline and justification for the shifting Destiel dynamic. Finally, Section III will offer an analysis of how Dean and Cas’s relationship has changed dramatically from previous seasons in a way that is most like the shift from a “will they or won’t they” pairing to an established one. 

Before I move to Section I, I’d like to note something this post takes for granted: Dean and Cas are the main romantic subplot of Supernatural, and, in fact, their relationship is elevated to main plot for both characters in season 15. This post won’t argue about the canonicity of Dean and Cas’s feelings for each other, therefore, and so won’t spend time looking at many Destiel defining moments. I’d also like to make clear that this post also takes for granted that Destiel is being intentionally developed by the writers starting with Carver’s Era, and more so in Dabb’s. 

I. Why Seasons 4 through 11 May Not be It

The tl;dr. here is that while there are many moments throughout these seasons that Dean and Cas could potentially get together, none of those moments are ideal for a bunch of reasons that can be summed up as really bad timing. I also think the narrative is actively pushing them towards a moment that works. We get plenty of stepping stones, especially once we hit seasons 8 through 11 (and 11 most of all).

Seasons 4 & 5:

I know there’s been a lot of get together fics over the years set in this time period, but I just don’t see it. Do I see them being intrigued and drawn to each other? Yes. Do I think either Cas or Dean would act on it? Nope. I’m not arguing anything re: Dean’s feelings, but with everything going at the time I find it hard to believe he’d pursue anything with his angel friend. Most importantly here, though, is that during this time Cas was still very alien and other. There was too much angel in him, and while he obviously came to care about Dean (and Sam) very much, I just can’t see him navigating the realm of human relationships. That said, seeing human!Cas in “The End” is the first we see of potential developments for how Cas could behave without his angelness interfering. Being human changes Cas a lot, beyond even his experience existing among humans, though that of course matters too. This development will be important later /wink.

Seasons 6 & 7:

Before anything else let me just recognize that if we could see some sexual tension in seasons 4 & 5, these two seasons come with our first taste of romantic tension. The pining! Also note the difference between season 4 Cas and season 6 Cas in terms of behaviour. He is much less the angel we saw in that barn in “Lazarus Rising.” In season 6, we have a Cas making misguided decisions guided entirely by his emotions – namely, not wanting to involve Dean with the war in heaven – which is peak human, honestly. Put a pin on how sad Dean is in both seasons with Cas’s absence. Finally, put a pin on this being our first moment of Cas doing things on his own to spare Dean and it not ending well (soulless!Sam, Cas “dying” after Leviathan) because this is *the* hurdle in their relationship (along with Dean’s lashing out and self-worth issues). With all this said, the marked distance between Dean and Cas in these seasons negates the possibility of them entering into any kind of relationship. Much like seasons 4 and 5, there’s too much going on.

Season 8:

Ah, yes, the summer of purgatory. If you thought we had pining before…! I think we’re all very clear on season 8 being a turning point for the show, not only because new showrunner, but we also get the bunker. TFW now has an HQ, which pretty soon becomes home. Yes, Baby will always be home, but the bunker becomes the *unmovable* safe haven that Baby couldn’t be. The bunker is a place to coalesce, and for all the amazing things Baby is, she is not that. The acquisition of the bunker marks a shift in the psychology of the show: with the stable home space we can start to imagine domesticity, a place to come home to, the stuff of ordinary living. Most of all, the bunker is emblematic of security, of safety –keep this in mind, as we go forward.

This season also continues to see Cas go down the path of independently solving his problems instead of asking for help from Sam and Dean (his family in a way heaven never was) – note that the better together issue is at play in different ways with Sam and Dean also, but I digress. I also want to point out disastrous instance #2 of Cas’s insistence on figuring it out on his own: he loses his grace, and the angels fall. As for Dean, season 8’s focus for him has much to do with Sam, and them coming face to face with their issues with codependency, which hit catastrophic levels with the gates of hell and Gadreel plots.

So despite all the deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much distance between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 plus slaughtering angels plus unleashing Leviathan. We do see Dean being more emotionally open with Cas and continue to voicing his wish that Cas would just stay with him and Sam, and let them help. It’s clear as day how much Dean cares. The timing is still bad, though.

Before moving on to next season, let’s take a moment to appreciate that this is the season Dean admits being kinda done with one night stands because “always with the adios.” Remember the bunker as a sign of stability? Yeah. I wouldn’t say Dean is craving a relationship, exactly, but I think we can see that he does want something more (ahem also I’m nodding to Cas refusing to stay put just cause).

Seasons 9 & 10:

The most important thing to happen between this two seasons is Cas’s stint as a human for an extended period of time. There’s been plenty of spec and meta written over the years about the effects of being human on Cas’s grace (a proto-soul now maybe?). What we can say for sure, regardless, is that Cas is much more humanized once he becomes an angel again. The understanding he gets from being human doesn’t go away once he regains his angel powers. You’ll notice that while we still see some of season 4’s characterization, Cas is not the same as he was – he is alien to angels now and is more intelligible to humans. Additionally, in an interesting reversal from previous seasons, we now get to see the depth of Cas’s feelings for Dean (thanks, Metatron) as well as seeing him be more open emotionally, while Dean does most of the pushing away (first because of Gadreel, then because of the Mark of Cain). In short, the timing is still bad as Dean and Cas are largely kept apart both physically and emotionally.

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait

This episode is my white whale, friends. While I’ve come to fully subscribe to the idea that something did happen between Dean and Cas during the fanfic gap, I don’t actually think it’s feasible that it marked the start of a relationship -- be it sexual or romantic. My reasoning here is quite simple: the timing is bad. Were it not for external events (Cas regaining his Grace and Dean taking on the MoC), the course would have likely differed. Furthermore, Dean’s guilt over making Cas leave the bunker as well as Cas’s own hurt and self-loathing pose a significant and as yet insurmountable obstacle, which is easily seen with how Dean and Cas’s character trajectories go separate ways.

YMMV on what exactly happened between them in that Motel, but something definitely did. Perhaps one day I’ll have a proper s9 trutherism post to link to here for more details (likely won’t be written by me, though). 

10.16 Paint It Black

From the point Dean gets the MoC until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible due to distancing, to say the least. Again, yes, the fic is really good, but alas. One of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. One, it’s a rare bit of explicit emotional honesty from Dean, and two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the Thing™ between them, it’s still uncharted waters. It’s scary, and murky, and they’re unsure how to navigated it or if they should even try. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6. Anyway, he’s the full confession:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. […]  Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. […]  Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Can I just say, first, that this confession keeps me up at night because we never actually see anything done with it explicitly? I mean, obviously, I think we do in fact see the effects of this confession in the show, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this behemoth, but still, like. Damn. Ok, so, remember when I brought up that thing in season 7 about Dean being kinda done with hook-ups? Here’s where that led us. We’re seeing a Dean here who wants more than what he has convinced himself he gets to have. He wants more than dying bloody. And when he talks about wanting to experience people and feelings differently, well, that says a lot not just on the queer coding front or the romantic front. I mean, jfc, Dean is accepting the idea that he can have more in life than just hunt until he drops, and he’s specifically talking about experiences at the interpersonal level.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more and maybe he can make himself be open to that (!!!), which all culminates in season 11, so…

Season 11:

The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Lucifer (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems: Cas checks out with Lucifer because he thinks it’s the only way he can help, Dean is caught up in the turmoil of Amara, the emblem of absence and avoidance of struggle. We do get something like an affirmation from the two of them to each other via Dean calling Cas his brother (and I want y’all to consider the historical queering of that statement, and Cas’s “I could go with you.” It feels like we’re headed to them being on the same page. By the end of the season, though, it feels like we’re getting a clean slate: Mary is back, nobody died, no end-of-the-world in sight, no interpersonal crisis. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. We’re gearing up for something, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What this season does that is super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible.

11.04 Baby

Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? That conversation between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development regarding the issues Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That’s awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we’re lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don’t … Ever want something more? DEAN: I’m sorry, have you met us? We’re batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But … Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

We wouldn’t be talking about this stuff all these years after Sam and Dean had a serious relationship if it wasn’t important, right? Also who else do we meet this season? That’s right! Eileen! And doesn’t that hit different with season 15 hindsight? And who does Dean have that understands the life? Whose stories have been intricately connected to his? Right now, this is all conjecture. A pipe dream Sam is revisiting, and Dean is skeptical about. Except, well. Look at what we get in “Into the Mystic” and “The Chitters.”

11.11 Into The Mystic

I’m bringing up this episode as a cross reference to “Paint It Black” as well as to complement the talk from “Baby,” and to show, again, that, for all the closeness between Dean and Cas, there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. There’s still truths they haven’t told each other. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin’…If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years on the road, it’s when somebody’s pining for somebody else. […] Oh, don’t try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters

And here we see some validation to Sam’s imagining of a possible future with someone else. We actually see hunters who not only are married, but they both make it out alive. Jesse and Cesar get their happy ending. They make the dream come true. And the reality of it important not just for Dean to see, but Sam too.

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too, that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13.

Alright, now, having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in season 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point, in hindsight, after getting smacked by the domesticity of seasons 13 and 14.

II. Why Season 12

[Out of date section. Update coming soon when spoons. After significant debate, I’ve altered the definitive start of Dean and Cas’s friend-with-benefits-with-mutual-pining relationship to between 12.02 and 12.03. I briefly explained why here, and yes it’s a shitpost--still true tho.]

Finally, the promise land, y’all. Getting right to it: what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. That is, until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker and with the exception of seasons 13 and 14, it’s one of the first times we get to see how Cas might actually fit into the bunker-as-home. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. What we also see this season is Cas trying to prove he is worthy of this family, his family. He’s not fighting for heaven or to right some grievous wrong (a la s8). No, this season he’s fighting to spare the Winchester, to bring them a win. To bring Dean a win. The major disconnect is that Dean (and Sam & Mary) already sees Cas that way, he doesn’t think Cas has anything to prove. And just maybe, Cas starts believing that too – or, at least, believing it enough.

12.10 Lily Sunders Has Some Regrets

This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim).

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it. Oh, and, of course, let’s not forget to point to Dean’s face when Cas says that “I love you,” and how terrified he is that Cas is dying. Might make one rethink some things, hm?

12.19 The Future

This episode is simply hella suspicious, and all the kudos to Berens and Glynn for writing it. It’ll haunt me forever. Consider watching it again and just questioning everything. So. Weird things:

1. Dean’s reaction to Cas no getting in touch as opposed to Sam’s. Dean is pissed, which is Dean-speak for worried out of his mind. Sam is very worried, too, and puzzled, but he’s mostly expressing his relief that Cas is back. But Cas has gone awol before, but this time Dean is much more worked up about it; Sam takes note of this, too. Now, let’s imagine that maybe the events of 12.12 led to something happening between Dean and Cas. Then Cas decided to leave to find a lead on Kelly, but eventually Cas decides to work with Heaven and goes radio silent. For days. Having taken a chance, and something having happened between them, how would Dean react to Cas just going poof and not contacting him – despite Dean having called Cas multiple times.

2. Cas knows about the Colt. Ok, nothing off there. But when he goes to Dean’s room to talk, right after Dean leaves we see Cas looking around briefly. Like he know Dean would keep it in there. Maybe Cas had looked other places already. Who knows. What we do know is that eventually he does find the Colt not only in Dean’s room, but under Dean’s pillow. Sam didn’t even know the Colt wasn’t in the safe. So how did Cas know?

3.“He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But can you see Cas actually doing that if they hadn’t gone there previously? For Dean not to suspect anything and go with it? There’s plenty of plausible deniability here, but the gaps in time in the narrative make me question what is there in those spaces. The scene where Cas tried to give Dean the mixtape back doesn’t read like “playing,” so it’s about a different interaction. Hm. Hmmm.

4. Dean and Cas’s brief conversation in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together – because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth, but also ow.

5.And most importantly: When did Dean give Cas that mixtape??? How did that happen?

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him – Dean is clearly shook by it – Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) – Cas goes awol - Dean acts like he got ghosted by his new bf -?????- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow – "He went into my room and he played me."

What am I supposed to do with that, hm? Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But YMMV, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication.

III. Seasons 13 through 15 As Established Relationship

Regardless of what happened in season 12, exactly, I can’t shake the feeling that something did happen, and something did change. My reasoning here is actually really simple: in comparison to previous seasons, Dean and Cas’s dynamic shifts significantly come season 13. I know some folks have been disappointed with some of season 13 and then season 14 for having dialed back on the destiel side of things. And, hey, maybe there’s truth to that in terms of backstage stuff, but I also want to point out that...well, the dialing back isn’t quite dialing back is it? Let’s look at 13 a little more closely:

Season 13:

So I said the deancas dynamic changed, right? I also think that change caught us unaware because the pivotal turning point that would cue us in never happened on screen as well as being subsumed by Cas’s death and Jack’s birth. But if I ask you about deancas in season 13 what would come to mind? Grief arc? Brokebacknatural? How domestic Dean and Cas are? There’s just something easy about their relationship after Cas returns from the Empty. The tension we’d grown so familiar with over the years is gone. Actually, it feels like we skipped the getting together bit of their relationship and went straight to established relationship and parenting. Some of the most peak married deancas moments we see circulating? Season 13, (and 12.10). It’s a lot, and it’s different, and it’s amazing.

13.01-13.05

Dean’s grief mini-arc. He was acting like a widower. Here’s me vaguely gesturing towards the mapping of Jonh, Mary, Dean, and Sam onto Dean, Cas, Sam, and Jack. And the reunion? I can’t help but be giddy at the song choice: “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying.

13.06 Tombstone & 13.16 Scoobynatural

I’m not going at length about these episodes, I just want to point out that they reveal that Dean and Cas have a whole thing going on off screen: they watch movies together, Cas knows about Dean being an angry sleeper, Cas seems to have been aware of the Dean-cave before Sam was. It’s little things like this that are examples of the narrative gaps surrounding Dean and Cas that have cropped up over the years. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder what else could be hiding there. And when did the movie nights alluded in “Tombstone” happen? Maybe in season 12 when Cas in hanging around the bunker? The same period when Dean and Cas seem to be coalescing into something safer and more stable? Something that we never see come to a head because plot happens and Cas dies? Something that is immediately taken back up once Cas is alive again?

Season 14:

Overall, this season is more of what we got during 13, but it had two high notes I wanted to single out before ending this already too long post.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t couple-y as hell.

14.18-14.20

Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established, and unaddressed, rift between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here: he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? What if Cas died again? And why should Cas put up with Dean’s behavior without knowing the cause? How can any relationship work this way? But notice how caught in the middle Sam was during all this. Notice how Jack is running off and acting out. The whole family is falling apart. Divorce arc, indeed.

Season 15:

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will-they-or-won’t-they because they already have. We’re are watching a getting back together plot! The tension is, instead, will-they-or -won’t-they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. That’s the crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned twelve fucking episodes -- y’all, that’s half a season.

And technically? We’re not even done with yet because Cas never let Dean finish his prayer/confession in purgatory. What’s more, Cas hasn’t grappled with his role in the breakdown of their relationship, either: that he keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. We’re waiting to see what else Dean had to say, and what will happen when Cas’s deal with the Empty comes to light.

Finally, could we still have this plot without Dean and Cas having gotten together off screen? Sure, but I think the stakes are higher if they already did have something between them. If they actually have an established romantic relationship going on. Something real and tangible and as of yet much too fragile.

"...you asked what about all this is real. We are."