#OR MAKE U SEXIER. BTW

[hobimo]

getting really excited for an arranged/forced marriage story and then the guy forcing the marriage feels guilty abt it......... but bro your empire. can we not have a little ambition so consuming u dont give a fuck about whatever sucker you have to get involved with? and then as you spend more time with them u find urself caring abt them despite it all and softening ur edges so they stop looking at u with so much hurt? or is that too much to ask.

[planetdream]

VAMPIRE SEVENTEEN

this post contains: vampirism, canon vampire lore depending on who you ask. mentions of blood, bloodsucking ofc. and mentions of sex [grinding, strength kink, orgasms] darker themes for wonwoo’s [hypnosis + kidnapping, sorry]

💌 sorry, this was rotting in my drafts. each entry has a different vibe. enjoy <3 this was requested btw

the man, the myth, the legend; SEUNGCHEOL is one of the greatest vampires out there (up there with dracula and nosferatu). he’s thought to be a myth, a story passed down generation by generation of an evil vampire that lurks in the night, you know, the usual. but every so often there’s proof, small hints that seungcheol is actually out there, lurking amongst the living. he rarely shows his face, only to seduce—plucking off one, maybe two, or groups of people for his dinner. seungcheol lusts for blood over anything. [he is indeed very dominant and very sexy—if you ask him to bite you, he absolutely will but he's more than likely to turn you.] kinda gives dracula 2020 vibe if you’ve seen it; he’s adjusting to the new world.

JEONGHAN is a rather "stereotypical" vampire. gorgeous, elegant, got turned when his hair was bleached, thus he's blond, bloodthirsty, and somehow even sexier. he's not one to lie about being a vampire, nor is jeonghan ashamed of it (he has no regrets); he'll flash his fangs or drink from someone in public, he doesn't give a fuck. and of course, what a slut he is. he loves to drink the blood of the person he's fucking, right as they're creaming for him. has allegedly had the most threesomes out of the thirteen. patrick bates type, flexing in the mirror as he's fucking; mind u, he can't see himself. has had a hand in the creation of a few vampires (direct result of him being slutty)

in his current lifetime, JOSHUA has decided to lay low. he's had several lifetimes of partying, drinking freely and the usual drama in the vampire community (centuries of arguing over the same shit). right now, he feels a bit lost, like something is missing. but he’s gained way too many hobbies to keep track of and he’s even started that wine company he’s dreamed of (mind you that was 100 years ago). he’s yearning, aching, lonely. envisioning him to be the type to be constantly searching for a soul that's like his long lost lover…signs up for hinge (bad idea); all of his matches want him to drink their blood once they find out that he’s a vampire, he’s not really into those that are eager for it.

ok im thinking vampire prince JUNHUI. you meet eyes with him in passing on a busy day. since then, he's appeared in all your dreams (most of them being of the romantic/erotic variety besides the small, sudden glimpses of blood and horrors, physically feeling a piercing sensation in your neck despite being asleep), he's shown up across the street of your work only to disappear in a blink, you've seen him in crowded places, just staring at you—strange, soft music playing in your head whenever he appears, seemingly caught up in his mystery. he doesn't appear for you until he's sure you need him; typically when something fairly traumatic happens. he sweeps you away in a time of uncertainty, offering to be your protector and to show you 'a new world'.

vampire boyfie SOONYOUNG. in classic vampire suitor fashion; he wines you, dines you, and if you want sixtynine (and other pleasures) are definitely on the table as well. i just imagine him to be extremely sweet and well meaning; which leads me to believe, he doesn’t tell you that he’s a vampire until like date five (he already assumes ur his partner by then). has a dilemma of ‘will they really love me if they knew about my affliction’. so he tells you, voice shaking. and you’re just like ??? hoshi? a vampire? LOL…. then he shows you his fangs—you watch how they protrude from his gums in real time; it’s quick, if you blinked you would have missed it. realizes that might’ve been a little off-putting and gets embarrassed. it’s okay tho, bc it makes him hotter :p

WONWOO, your incredibly hot history professor. you catch him on a dark street near campus one night, teeth buried into the neck of one of his students; veins popping out of his skin, face red in hunger as he feeds and feeds. once he spots you, he drops his prey—eyes filled with a look that’s a cross between fury and disappointment as he stomps over to you. it’s unnecessary to run, he’s already caught you before you’ve even turned your back. he whispers in your ear, tone enchanting like a lullaby. when you wake up, you find that your dark surrounding is actually a small, velvety box that contains you; stripped of your clothing in exchange for old satin material.

another vampire of the elegant variety JIHOON knows exactly how he wants to live the rest of his life, and he's not exactly looking for anything 'new'. he sticks to his bubble, his same set of friends and he only gets out every so often; preferring to bury himself within his own darkness and stench (a singular coffin in a singular room with no windows) only to come out for feasting purposes. i think that the one thing that does keep him tied to the earthly world is music; and often, he has published his own throughout the years under various names and genres. to jihoon, the best part of living (or lack their of) is the music; in addition to experiencing as much history as he has.

vampire boyfriend SEOKMIN longs for your blood. he craves to bite you. literally just say the word and he'll bite you. but only if you want. did i mention that he wants to bite you? has to look away from you when you're talking because he gets distracted by the pulsing vein in your neck; it speaks to him, whispering the breezing sound of blood rushing. he has to either look away from you or lock eyes intently with you; which ends up just looking like he's begging for pussy. and truth is, it absolutely does get him hard just thinking about drinking your sweet crimson nectar….oh the things he’d do..

ok so MINGYU has an advantage bc not only is he a vampire but he's built! like yeah, his physique won't change now that he's a vampire, and yeah, he now has vampire strength—he still goes to the gym. kind of just out of routine, but he says it still gives him a euphoric feeling. that being said, loves to pick you up and throw you around. strength play. you remember the type of sex bella and edward had in breaking dawn? that’s a regular for mingyu. almost regularly having to by new bed frames because when mingyu fucks, he really fucks. don’t worry though, he’s not always rough!

i am inclined to believe that MINGHAO is throwing blade-style, sexy bloodbath vampire parties as a sort of side gig or he's just been swayed into the club scene this lifetime. he's the guy you keep seeing at the club for weeks on end, and when you lock eyes with him, you hear a whispering in your ear. and all of a sudden, you want to approach him but he's gone before you can. one night he's the one to approach you. thus queuing a heavy, steamy make out in the club followed by some grinding. next thing you know, you're at his place and he's showing you all that life can truly be, all of the pleasures and curiosities. he shows you his fangs, as well, doesn't care if you're scared or not (he likes the fear, though). he does ask to bite you; and if you say yes, he indeed marks you up.

VERNON got bit rather recently (couple hundred years). in his human life he was very curious about the concept of life as well as life after death, immortality, and subsequently, vampirism. he drove himself into become a madman until his studies led him to becoming his own study subject. he projects that, if he's lucky, in the next hundred years he'll be able to build a vampirism research facility. despite being a vampire, there are still some things that he doesn't know. and for some reason, even after becoming a vampire, his research is always with humans in mind. he wants to help humanity improve, evolve, possibly to something greater.

SEUNGKWAN found a way to get rich off of being a vampire. he's a celebrity; a multimillion dollar 3-book deal (the first being an autobiography, he's thinking of making a vampire 48 laws of power next) and a late, late, late night talk show. occasionally joins the news to talk about the latest in vampire society (he's a spokesperson of sorts, often campaigning for vampire rights and such) and politics. inclined to believe he was a vampire therapist at one point. he’s more than just a pretty face and excellent conversationalist, though, he's had to overcome a lot of trials and tribulations in his many lifetimes (the perseverance of a vampire now available at your local bookstore)

vampire lee CHAN is dangerous!!! he's snatching hearts and breaking them (and slurping the blood out of them). the type of vampire that just needs some black sunglasses and he's fully able to walk in the daylight (no, he doesn't sparkle, but he wishes he could). doesn't have many enemies unless you count some of his exes then well.... he's not into turning anybody because although he loves being a vampire, those first few thousand years were filled with so much agony—watching your loved ones pass on, witnessing horrors beyond your imagine and knowing that there is nothing you could possibly do about it despite your gift of immortality. he'd rather just drain people of their blood and leave it at that (genuinely thinks its foolish to want to be a vampire, and will be offended if asked to turn someone). seriously, don't ask him to turn you.

[toxicroyjamie]

I think the pub lads would have a really terrible football podcast that nobody listens to.One day they would get Jamie on just by making him feel bad for them and flattering him in the pub .He would just talk about Roy for an hour and the pub lads who have never had a guest on before would be like huh do all players talk about their coaches so much and is it just edited out .

LMFAOOOOOO.... He exclusively talks about Roy and then also how hot and talented he (as in Jamie) is.

It's basically 60 minutes of like. "I owe sooooo much to Roy ☺️ He's my manager he trains me all the time and makes me so much more better than I am at football <3 and soooo much sexier <3 I am so sexy btw lol if u cant see me rn I have big muscles and I kick ball so good <3 im so fit and silly <3 Roy"

[loser-xx]

u give off the vibe that youd be really hot not like being arrogant i just think id probs be attracted to you if i met you at a party

fuck it this is as good a time as any for a face reveal (also I am super vain and arrogant and it makes me even sexier btw)

[iersei]

i love how u draw glenn with stretch marks btw thank u for ur service genuinely it makrs me feel better about my own stretc marks ok love u bye kisses

hell yeah of course o7 !! stretch marks are very awesome and very pretty; it's literally free fun and funky visual flavor <3 !!

so yeah duh i'm gonna give glenn stretch marks. it makes the design sexier and cooler. i'm correct and will not be taking any criticism at this time.

and i'm glad that it could make you feel better about your stretch marks because that's what you deserve! it's cool and it's a part of you and all of you is awesome! i love you so much kisses <333

[ashmp3]

new svt schedule soooo no head? no european dates? no world tour? Fine i wont act like im happy for anyone btw LMAOFOFKS i really cant u can feel it from my faux chill vibes im not happy but let me look at the bright side which is: i can get my lasik and be even sexier next year, my hair will get longer, maybe ill get into relationship and make them like svt okay are u guys still following where im going with this. I can be your life coach see how i turn the tables #POSITIVETHINKING

[shoyoist]

omgomg what if, you go to one of those underground fights because your friend dragged you along, "come on, it's fun i swear!" "alright, but only for you." but your definitely not interested in any of the fights.. until you see shuji!! like instant twinkly heart eyes. and when your eyes meet he gives u a lil smile, which makes your knees so weak and your heart racing! he thinks you're so cute and goes looking for you after he wins. <3

OMG <33 no i've read a fic exactly like this it's prize worthy by tumblr user sirenscales (it's a nsfw fic btw!) and godd it's one of my fav shuji fics ever he's so incredibly hot<3 shuji's just sm darker and sexier than anyone else there so you can't help but be attracted to him — if he looked at me and smiled i'd be GONE. instant KO like 😵‍💫😵‍💫‼️

[dreamspring]

feminism makes u sexier btw that’s just what it does

[st111gmata]

intro post because i’m bored

MINORS YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE

hi i’m a

i’m 20, transmasculine (he/him), white, canadian

i rock with hockey and kinky shit privately you won’t see it on my blog aside from very minor kink for aesthetic purposes. if you make hrpf content hi i love you so much

i love music, the colour red and women/femmes

i’m not straight btw!!! just gonna. put that out there

i’ve been on testosterone for 3 years and about 4 months. i’ve never felt sexier in my life

my favourite nhl team is the ottawa senators and i’m deeply obsessed with ridly greig and shane pinto. my creatures.

i’m a sematary stan (i know he’s a misogynist. i have ears)

majority of the genres i listen to are as follows:

red - favourite

pink - hyperfixations

green - want to get more into

trap, drill (only chicago and some ny no uk), nu metal, depressive black metal, synth punk, no wave, traditional country, delta blues, bebop jazz, dance pop, electroclash, post-punk, teen pop, electropop, alt rock, stoner metal, death metal, deathcore, mathcore, sasscore, false grind (idk what it means either), industrial, bubblegum bass/hyperpop, digital hardcore, eurodance, boom bap, hip house

i make playlists like it’s my job, here are a few links:

if ur still looking im giving u a kiss 😽

[onlyjaeyun]

greetings my dear zadie 😁 i missed u sm (sorry for the disappearance- i really missed filling ur inbox like this pls don’t mind me💔) & i genuinely have no idea where to begin from because i just got caught up with like 30 chapters of strictly business and i haVENT BEEN SLEEPING SINCE YESTERDAY BECAUSE I CANT CLOSE MY PHONE 🧍‍♀️ first of all what the FUCKKKKK IS GOING AWNNNNN😨 like what the hell what the fuck the whole family situation is so heartbreaking then we have the fucking mind blowing jaw dropping earth shattering identity crisis inducing universe colliding inducing smut to have ever grazed tumblr idk if it’s the severe daddy issues but my GOD thewayjongseongisaservicedommakesmegentearup also can i just say as someone who’s been reading your masterpieces since hype boy i absolutely adore. like ADORE 🧎‍♀️ the way you write your smuts they always like ooze out love and i adore it sm like it’s like that one meme where u know it’s not a quick nut but smth made with love & care and that’s exactly how you be writing your shit dawg like you’re so talented?? out here making me close my phone every 5 mins just to giggle and calm myself down. now when i tell you my legs r aching bcs of the amount of hours i just spent swinging them while giggling because of the shit i was reading for HOURS BRO. 😀 like i’m so obsessed with how you write i want to kiss & appreciate each every single one of your neuron cells and axons for connecting to eachother to form such beautiful ideas mamas. anywho back to the story FUCK YOU SHIAH UGLY ASS PREHISTORIC ASS BITCH THE FUCK IS YOUR GODDAMN PROBLEM DAMN. like you’re genuinely a miserable grandma if you’re out here in your 30s or smth pushing 89 and you’re bullying & talking shit about a girl who’s 21 💀 like girl go teach at unis what u learned about dinosaurs since you’ll be talking straight up from experience. i bet yo ass she was there at the last supper arriving with her horse and all that like GIR- sorry excuse me for the disrespect fr 🙏🏼GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMA. GET YOUR GODDAMN SHIT TOGETHER AND BACK THE FUCK AWF 🤺 anywho now that we talked about the literal cause of the big bang theory let’s go talk about jongseong 🤭 no because i love this man with my whole entire heart i just- i <3 mature men <333 he’s so cool & mature & understanding & it’s making him so much more sexier than he already is it’s actually driving me crazy because wHERE do i find a replica of the man i just read about. like sir. SIR im losing my mINDDDD 🤸‍♀️🕳️ and then going to yn i love her sm :( she’s so smart & kind and she did not deserve anything that happened to her she’s such a sweet girl i can’t do this i can’t stand kind hearted people getting their souls hurt like this like pls she deserves sm better (i’m literally coming for you shiah. sleep with one eye fucking OPEN.) i’m so glad she has jimin & aeri w her i love them all so much and nayeon (btw making nayeon jongseong’s older sister single-handedly saved approximately 26392 lives and prevented 6 million deaths im telling u, ur mind? legendary.) and then we have seoul’s fav four oh mY GOD i love jaeyun sm. he’s so hilarious like bros always speaking & asking the ACTUAL questions he’s so funny i love him sm & hoon is just hooning he’s a bad bitch & a serious mf i love him sm for that fr always serving shit and all that a fucking icon he’s so real 💯 and oh lord 30 year old hee? is going down in the history books i fear 🚨 u making hee this attractive right after poison is just so ooooooo i wanna fight you so bad (w kisses & hugs duh!) but like gen. easily one of the best stories i’ve ever came across, easily one of the best authors/writers i’ve had the chance to read the works of and witness with my own eyes 🙏🏼 like thank u so much for your service fr i love u sm pls take care of urself & don’t tire yourself out (i’m ignoring all events that took place in the most recent chapter because no.) sending u sm love & kisses zadie ! <33

actually no fuck that what the fuck do you mean the engagement is ACTUALLY GONNA HAPPEN. didn’t jongseong already put that bitch in her place like GRANDMA???? R U NOT EMBARRASSED THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. chasing after a dude when he literally told u all ur shitty fantasies AINT GONNA HAPPEN and someone who put u in ur goddamn place and SO OBVIOUSLY HAS SOMEONE ELSE HES INTERESTED IN (WHICH TALK YOUR FUCKING SHIT JONGSEONG 🗣️💯 SPEAK UR TRUTH DONT LET THEM SILENCE YOU!!) IS SO LIKE ??? girl stand up fr you’re famous ig & hella rich u can find someone else leave my babies alone i beg. and oooo girl jongseong’s dad fr about to make me become a lawyer to jail his stupid ahh alongside yn’s father (and her brothers) 👩‍⚖️ now one thing shitty men will always excel at is being a fucking asshole to everyone including your family yet excluding your side chicks! like at your prehistoric grown goddamn age you’re gonna force your son to marry someone he doesn’t even like 😧? shit’s wild fr. anyways fuck you shiah fuck every single dad in the story and fuck you shiah (pt2) cuz u ain’t SHIT. you will never be SHIT with your horrendous pick me attitude and with your personality that’s literally revolved around being a trophy wife (and being in a marriage with a man who doesn’t even want you??? like do u have no shame. no self respect. like idgaf if this is about business and allat the man DOESNT WANT YOU 🫤 get that shit in your thick ass head grandma) like that shit’s crazy and fuck that account that posted that shit i hope yn’s okay and jay makes shit up for her cuz come on now 😐

-⁉️ <3

MY BABY IS BACKKKKKK HI BABY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 you have no idea how much i giggled and smiled seeing you in my inbox imagain i MISSED YOUUUUU and hope life has been treating you well baby 🥺💞 pls tell me you havent been overworking yourself or i will have to fight you 💔

and please the way i couldn't even hold back my ugly laughs while reading bc you expressed my thoughts and feelings about yoo shiah in strictly business too spot on 😭😭😭😭

when i tell you the part where you started complimenting me, the smau and my writing made me tear up like i dont think you guys know how much your words mean to me and i will forever keep them super close to my heart so thank you so, so much baby. sending you the fattest kiss right now pls accept 🥺💞🩷💞🩷💞🩷

[indienochu]

AND BTW I DONT CRY FOR SOME BULLSHIT THAT HAS BOTHERING ME FOR SO LONGGGG CUZ YO BITCH HAS BEEN MOTHERING YAAASSSSS HAHSGHGSJHGDSJHGD I DONT KNOW I JUST DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE IF ITS NOT MAKING ME PRETTIER AND SEXIER U KNO GOOD SHITS WILL ONLY MAKE ME CRY IN THIS ERA LOL

[jeongjaebae]

kim sunwoo is literally going to be the death of me i sweaarrrr 😭😭😭😭 and yeah now that you mention it LOL i guess my bias line is dance line ft. sangyeon (you can imagine how well i was faring during the no diggity special stage jwhdkwkfek). i usually don’t have a specific archetype i gravitate towards for biases i think? usually the loserboys get me LMAO but i usually just go for anyone who i think is cute and who i’m endeared by !! like for seventeen my bias is hoshi which came kind of out of the blue for me but idk i want to keep him in my pocket T.T and for nct 127 my bias is doyoung but my nct dream bias is haechan so its a vast assortment of different personalities LOL. do you have a bias line or a type u like to gravitate towards too (for tbz and/or svt haha)?? i might be missing some off the top of my head but i think those songs def are in my top picks for bsides from reveal !

and yeah i noticed that too :(( it didnt help that 2022 was really hectic for them esp with the world tour jebdkwkdn ist is so …. 😭 i mean we all know how ist is lmfao but they’ve all said they talked a lot with each other and the company about what’s coming next so i’m really excited to see what’s gonna be in their future! and yes ! i think the comeback in january is gonna be a continuation of whisper? they teased the whistle sound at the end of the whisper mv at their kbs song festival performance so i think its definitely gonna be connected!

and i am actually… in the process of writing a tbz fic right now HAHA its a sunwoo fic! i’m probably gonna post it over at @/svnzwu for fandom consistency’s sake rather than my svt blog haha but im hoping i can take advantage of this winter break to get all if not most of it done ! BTW. UR LATEST SUNWOO FIC WAS SO ….. AUGGHHH so so so cute !! always always loving your writing <3 and yes we should make an initiative lmao Operation: Revive Deobiblr HAHA

and happy holidays!! i hope you had a merry christmas and christmas eve (if you celebrate) 🫶🫶

ngl all your talk about sunwoo (esp in that racer outfit) has gotten me in a slight sunwoo phase like.... have you seen the way he dances 👀 but yeahHHH the no diggity stage had all ur faves!! oooh you bias hoshiii 😍 i swear... when i saw him with that bird.... omg. do you have a svt bias line? also the way haechan and doyoung are the ones who like to fight each other LOL. oh yeah there was a saying in deobiland about how your bias wreckers tend to be the rest of the "line" that your bias is in - if you bias ju then your wreckers might be hyunjae or younghoon, if you bias sunwoo then wreckers might be changmin and chanhee. which seemed to be true for the people i've seen around here but you have an interesting bias line!! i think i tend to like the members who get teased by other members LMAO. so... like mingyu 😶 otherwise for svt i'd say junhui, hoshi, minghao, wonwoo! and for tbz sangyeon, younghoon!! (always rotating tho,,, as i once said "why have a dish when you can have a buffet" hehe)

ohh yeah i heard tbz were talking about the comeback on vlive and it seemed like it'd be darker/sexier? or at least a smoother choreo like no air, which i'm looking forward to!! is there like a particular concept you want to see them do? and omg ist really be making mistakes here, did you see the whole thing about eric's new song and how the producer plagiarized it.... yikes. the poor guy just got back from hiatus too like pleaseee 😭

ahhh ty for reading and for your comments!!! 🫶 the fics definitely hit different when it's for your bias right?!?! ooh what's your sunwoo fic about? and yesss i have a couple more things for Operation: Revive Deobiblr but hopefully we get some more traction with the other award shows and jan comeback 🤩

and yesss hope you had a nice christmas with your family!! happy new year too, may it be filled with all the nice things coming your way!!✨💖💫

[tacky-optic]

I SAY BEHOLD BEHOLD OUR RAMBLES WITH YOUR PUNY MORTAL EYES, RANDOM INTERNET PEOPLE. IF UR DOWN THIS FAR Y'ALL SIGNED UP FOR THIS A LOOONG TIME AGO!!! but i really do appreciate this btw. its a genuine pleasure having the ceo/phd holder of luzeni go absolutely ham on my silly little post lol

anyway sending u a letter delicately sealed with an exquisite wax stamp pressed with a design of luzeni making out mega nasty style. yes there is carefully concealed old man yaoi inside

_ so many delicious hypotheticals, goddamn. having this mega sad edgelord noir detective zenigata blush a lil when this friggin' gyuhuhu-ass guy wearing an obnoxiously bright jacket crawls into his window is such a fantastic mental image. there's a reason i have this hyper-idealized image of this god forsaken schrodinger's koike zeni movie in my noggin because THATS WHERE YOU'D GET THE REAL NASTY SHIT. they had it right there-- reciting romeo and juliet and wanton declarations of violence via shooting to kill. that got to me man. right here. in my very real heart that i'm pointing to.

there's permanence in their impermanence, i think. same vein as that "stability in instability" take i already blathered about. their refusal to maintain anything concrete is their truce.

_ i personally think zeni cares about his bosses and the people he has to surround himself with (just so he has the resources to get closer to capturing lupin) a little bit. maybe 'flipping off' isnt the most accurate way of putting it but he would get some sensation out of proving them wrong, or just proving something, anything at all. he is SO praise-deprived. dude starts openly full-body bawling the second anyone tells him he did something, like, a little bit okay lmao. very pathetic wet cat behavior. zenigata is too human, he cares too much. every single aspect of him is simply a lot. in those moments where his full-throttle lupin-fixating is on the backburner, any bit of validation that lets him know he isn't wasting his life on this pursuit wracks him right to his goddamn core. stokes the fire, makes him work ten times as hard. as long as all of it circles back into fueling the Chase, its solid :thumbsup:

but maybe that's more of a pt 2/certain specials thing, i dunno. it weaseled its way into my brain somehow s'all i can say lol. either way its in his character dna. like you said there's just so many different versions of him, all with different extremes that somehow manage to maintain his core characterization. but holy shit moments where he does not give even a SINGLE SHIT are some of my favorites. pt 1 finale where he has that big-ass tantrum "I'M NOT GONNA GO ALONG WITH YOUR DUMBASS PLAN" and then the commish is like "DAMN RIGHT YOU FUCKING WON'T, YOU'RE DEMOTED" and then zeni smashes a chair or some shit. i think a golf club was involved?? whatever. "IM DOING THIS MY WAY. IF I FAIL I QUIT. TEA TIME'S OVER MOTHERFUCKER." its peak

_ "Let Lupin rot in jealousy and desire and the anger of not being the focal point of everything". as a chronic jigzeni obsessor this sings to me. i froth at the mouth over this. it really is difficult to concoct jigzeni without lupin peeking his ugly little freaknasty imp head in there because man, he really is so deeply integral to their lives (as he should be! as much as he simultaneously does and doesn't deserve it he is our mc.) but it IS possible. in my heart of hearts it is doable and it freaks all of them the fuck out. what a beautiful subversion-- it's not the guy, but the guy-adjacent. and the guy does not like that because it really is really sexy. sexier than he could've had it, which, wtf. that's not.... that's not right.

i think it boils down to jigen and zenigata just straight up not caring for once. which is all chill for jigen but inherently easier said than done for zenigata. i think that's where most of the hold-up stems from for some ppl. there's this one fic (sry i keep linking fics and i feel like i'm giving out homework waghhh) that i think about a lot where jigen's just perfect. like can we please just forget about him for ten fucking seconds??

unfortunately zeni could not forget in that fic. but if he did? mm. good shit. get bent, lupin. or not i guess. its jigen's turn, oops. better luck next timeline

i have unprompted lupin-esque questions pop into my stream of conscious, interrupting my day-to-day wholesale, and one of them is "damn. does lupin only have three companions because zenigata never caved and joined him". like what kind of question is that??

i think its one of the more recurring ones because the sorta lines in lupin tv/films that're like "kinda surprising you're a cop" or "you'd fit in real well with us" or, the wombo combo of the two, "your skills are wasted on your job" really dig into my brain and won't feckin' leave.

in a lot of iterations, jigen and goemon meet lupin when they're tasked with killing him. fujiko's essentially his other rival. and yet, despite whatever the rest of the gang may be doing or whoever they pledge themselves to or whatever other jobs they might take on they always wind up right next to lupin again. on the same team, even.

and then there's zenigata. the sole obstinate holdout. they truce, they save each other's lives, have an avengers bonus credit scene shawarma lunch, etc etc. yet he isn't *with* them. he dips after they stop some evil billionaire from blowing up a city for some asinine power/profit grab or whatever the fuck, shouting that he'll "get them next week" while comically shaking his fist at the sky, and jigen rolls his eyes for the dozenth time and goes "that guy'll never change, will he". no jigen, he won't. when things calm down he'll sit alone in his office and do paperwork for all the property damage he caused with lupin & co. like he always does.

lupin and zenigata prefer it that way, obviously. they know their roles and how to play them. zenigata's too good to be a cop but he's also too good to be with lupin. lupin will kill in self-defense whereas zenigata will *not* kill, period. a la "life is a much more incredibly significant thing".

and then there's the *other* obviously-- the adversarial aspect. they can only *truly* challenge each other if they're on opposing sides. jigen stuck around after lupin beat him. goemon pledged his allegiance to lupin after he bested him. fujiko cozies up to lupin because it's easier than outright contesting him. but lupin is the best criminal and zenigata is the best cop. of course they'll never swap sides. they have the most fun from where they are.

"but tackyyy, what if he *did* join them?" you may ask. well whether it'd be cathartic for zenigata or not aside, there's some other q's that come up that deserve some consideration.

would the gang finally be "complete" if zenigata finally shed his inspector title? what would that look like, how would it work out? what does that even *mean*? is lupin just collecting people he thinks are neat? if so, if a hypothetical (realllllllly emphasizing that hypothetical btw) fourth-- someone with skills on the right level and surprisingly good chemistry with the gang-- came along, would lupin welcome them? or would lupin look at zenigata and go "nah, i'd rather have *that* guy"? lots of stuff to explore.

but at the end of the day there's one thing that really gets my brain gears turning. i think zenigata's higher-ups imagine him on lupin's side and shudder. i think *zenigata* imagines himself on lupin's side and shudders. i think the only way his full potential can be realized is if he's with lupin *permanently*. those blips of unbridled feral skill wouldn't be blips anymore. they'd be normal. and devastating. and the five of them would be unstoppable. and maybe that'd scare him, finally knowing exactly what he's capable of. maybe it *already* scares him, knowing he's the only one who can decide what happens.

[chussyracing]

https://youtu.be/behh2tjo_DE slightly creepy to film him like that but very captivating to watch

VERY creepy, imagine some car following u in ur hometown no matter what route u take at the roundabout. i'd shit myself right there in the car (but the car is so pretty ahh)

[scp-69]

quote unquote "coming out" is so awkward and formal and weird. i will simply saunter through life as my authentic self and if people dont pick up on it thats their fault

[jessamine--lovelace]

i have nowhere else to put these so here. grishaverse au where the darkling is a woman and Alina is a closeted lesbian

they’re all queer idc

edit: this is zoyalina btw even if it doesn't seem so from the beginning

aleksandra morozova was raised amongst so much misoginy and prejudice against grisha that she wanted to gain power and make a good life for everyone like her clearly she got lost along the way lol

anyway. Alina and mal are still bffs gay lesbian alliance

mal has a comp het crush on alina and Alina on him, they get over it quickly tho

Alina is taken to the little palace, she gets an immediate crush on the darkling clearly she thinks Zoya is hot, but just admires from afar bc she s so mean and cold

the darkling is even hotter as a woman u can't change my mind

everything goes mostly like canon, the darkling seduces alina and alina is all about worshipping this powerful woman who wants to give her power. she helps alina realise she likes women, manipulates her in the process, makes her think that the darkling is the only one who could offer her security and other bullshit

the night that baghra tells alina the truth about the darkling’s plan, zoya is waiting alina at her door because she wants to confront her about how she fall out of the darkling’s good grace because of her idk. and baghra finds them both in alina’s rooms so she makes both of them leave, zoya helping alina to get lost in the country  baghra makes up a lie about how zoya went to visit her family/is in a mission so no one suspects zoya is a “traitor” except the darkling and genya who know the truth

mal is still looking for alina but he doesn't know Zoya is with her so it's a big surprise when he finds them both huddled up in a big coat together, freezing their asses off, zoya bitching about how alina better be grateful that she s helping to save her glowstick ass

Zoya calls mal alina s boyfriend exactly once before both mal and alina strongly let her know their disgust to that idea 

so yeah Zoya is a bit weirded out bc they are so close to each other and yet they're not together??? but she is kinda starting to get along with alina and maybe she s not so bad, and just maybe she starts to like her 

they find the stag blabla Zoya is taken back to the little palace while Alina and mal are taken to expand the fold or whatever the darkling has in mind

alina and mal escape and run off as in canon, except they pose as siblings in novyi zem. Mal finds a cute boy there and develops a crush but he s too devoted to keeping alina safe to risk getting into any relationship

Alina doesn't agree and makes him go on a date with the dude before everything goes to shit

the darkling comes back, takes them, Nikolai happens etc.

as soon as Nikolai gets them back in ravka, he tries to woo alina and propose to her like in canon. she s not really out yet tho she s not ready for it, not even Mal knows yet even if he suspects something from their time spend with zoya and the looks alina gave her, and the hurt look she has whenever the darkling is mentioned/she explains what the deal is with her evil plan, but he lets her take her time

Nikolai is all about flirting to the sun summoner and she s nice about it, polite, but clearly trying to get away because she s lowkey uncomfortable. declines his marriage proposal, and nikolai thinks it's because of Mal but he s wrong. mal tries to have a talk with alina about this, but alina panicks and says “he seems like your type, not mine” and mal is lost like ?? he s a prince?? and probably straight?? and he asked YOU to marry him?? 

and alina realises she is tired to keep this up, so she tells mal about her liking women. mal hugs her and she confesses that the darkling helped her come to terms with it in a way, and it messed with her and she feels shame that she fell for the manipulation

so when they're on the way to os alta, and Nikolai kisses her for the public, she just says "I like girls please never do that again or I'll use the cut on your face." as soon as they are alone in their couch and Nikolai is stunned and apologises to her a lot of shit starts to make sense for nikolai now lol

so after that tiny incident, Nikolai knows it's pointless to pursue Alina so he only keeps up his show for the public and becomes really good friends with alina and mal

nikolai would still very much like that political alliance and he sometimes jokingly tells alina “you’ll have lots of women at your feet if you become queen. aren’t you interested in that?” and alina is just done with his ass

clearly nikolai and mal hook up at some point and it's kinda awkward afterwards bc they both have a bit of a crush on each other but don't want to admit it Alina is amused

so they go back to os alta, and Zoya is there!!! and Alina literally hugs her bc she was so worried and she missed her and "I shouldn't have let her take you away, I'm so sorry I left you behind zoya" and Zoya is so surprised she doesn't respond to the hug for a while before crushing alina in a tight embrace without saying anything

everyone is a bit shocked bc Zoya is hugging Alina?? since when are they getting along??? what is happening???

they have a talk when they are alone and zoya tells alina about her aunt and how she doesn’t blame alina for what the darkling did, alina tells her about the second amplifier. they hug again and maybe some tears are spilled but that’s between them and no one has to know

they prepare and train and alina and zoya get closer and closer. mal, being the captain to alina’s guard, kinda has to stick around with her when she meets with nikolai and it’s awkward and their conversations aren’t as lively as they used to be and it lowkey breaks alina’s heart a bit and annoys her until she explodes one day when she s alone with a miserable looking mal waiting for nikolai to appear at a meeting “saints mal just talk to him”

and mal being mal just straightens his back and ignores her like a stubborn idiot which infuriates alina she totally tries to annoy him by reflecting some light into his eyes 

“i know something happened on the road between you two. you’re both acting weird. would it kill you to talk to him?” but mal doesn’t get to answer because nikolai is walking in talking about some plan, totally oblivious to what is happening. Later, after the meeting is over, alina gets nikolai alone and tries to talk to him, but he s just as stubborn as mal and tells her that there’s nothing to be done bc mal avoids him everytime he manages to get near him and got the message “my ego can’t handle another rejection”

therefore alina finds herself in need to fix this thing between nikolai and mal because the tension is getting on her nerves and she is stressed enough as it is with everything going on

little side note, the darkling still comes to her in visions and she thinks she is going insane before she starts talking to zoya about it and zoya takes in the habit of spending the evenings in alina’s rooms, both of them searching in books for more information about the amplifiers or sometimes talking. zoya isn’t soft and she never will be, but alina likes that. a lot. ANYWAY zoya is the one to come up with the plan to somehow lock nikolai and mal in a room together. they get tolya and tamar in on it too. 

alina makes sure she sets up a meeting with nikolai under a false pretext when mal is on watch. alina and mal arrive first and as soon as nikolai enters she gets up “oh saints i left the book in my rooms” and leaves before mal or nikolai can react. and then one of the twins closes the door and they can hear it being locked and then alina’s voice from the other side “we’ll let you out after you have a talk. the tension between you two is getting insufferable” 

they talk and sort things out a bit. everything gets less stressful for everyone

one night the darkling comes to alina, and zoya is about to leave. alina freezes because it’s not the darkling she sees, but zoya “she’ll never want you. i am the only one who can love you, who understands you.” it’s the darkling’s voice and alina can’t move, can’t breathe, just stares at the darkling as she takes back her own face. zoya can only see alina’s face getting paler and her expression more terrified even as the darkling disappears 

zoya tries to shake alina, calls out her name, but alina just looks at her with such a sad expression that it unsettles zoya even more. “she’s right” alina whispers, barely audible, over and over again 

“what did she tell you?! alina you can’t listen to her! she lies. she manipulates everyone, you can’t believe anything she says. it’s not the truth. anything she tells you”

alina shakes her head “you’ll never- i’m such an idiot.” tears are welling up in her eyes 

“i’ll never what?” “want me” 

and zoya freezes, just staring at alina, shocked. alina takes it wrong, she tries to put space between them, tries to run in embarassment, but zoya catches her hands, holds her still and looks into alina’s eyes. alina can’t look her in the eyes, can’t seem to find it in her to do it. “you really are an idiot if you think i would just spend my evenings and risk my ass for just any friend” and then she cups alina’s face in her palms and she kisses her. 

alina is so surprised she doesn’t respond to the kiss for a second, but then she kisses zoya back and they both just melt into each other. zoya feels a tear run down alina’s face, into her cheek and breaks away with a “don’t go soft on me now starkov” and alina laughs through her tears and goes to kiss zoya again just because she can.

wow this turned out way longer than i intended, but damn did it give me serotonin coming up with it. i just want to say that, if the darkling was a woman, the character would be more hated, but sexier and i’m alright with that. also everyone is queer because i said so. i have more zoyalina headcanons that i’ll probably post bc now i’m investedTM so come and shout about them to me i won’t mind