#OOH PIANO

[ajdrawshq]

chapter 4 yipp e!!!!!!!

[sunnibits]

kinda gay for a man to be a pianist tbh. what do you need long and delicate fingers for huh?? to touch other men????? 🤨🤨

[carebearsandkawaiistuff76]

[aliceisathome]

Ooh, am loving Reset. Four eps in and the chemistry is chemistrying, the plot is plotting - sure with a few holes already but

and the boys are all very pretty to look at. I may be a little enamoured with Pond. Why does Lily hate Armin so much? Is this ever explained? Anyway I loved the Shakespeare audition scene - marvellous and so were the ep 3 drunk scenes. I love the Auntie Jeeb's food stall gang. I must admit to nearly laughing my knickers off when I realised they were all suppoed to be in their mid-late 40s in the future.

MVP is Tada's poor assistant with Janine as a close runner up.

[misaluvver]

My friend made this

[hismercytomyjustice]

My husband effortlessly outmaneuvered my OCD today. I am still in awe.

I didn’t want to go to my piano lesson. Last week was ROUGH. On top of still struggling with this more advanced piece, I had major migraine brain fog.

The good news is that I didn’t want to fake my own death or wind up in near tears after. Yay, progress! But it wasn’t the best experience otherwise. It was just really frustrating and humiliating to struggle so much.

This more advanced piece has been triggering my OCD like crazy too.

I told him I didn’t want to go today because I hadn’t practiced enough.

He responded with “So?”

It was exactly the right answer. Even though I still tried to push back with, “I haven’t made enough progress.”

And he was just like “The point of you going is to practice. And you did practice.”

“I haven’t practiced enough.”

“Not going isn’t going to help with that.”

T^T !!!

(extended OCD rant below the cut)

I had similar convos with my therapist where she’s insisted that the only thing I need to do for piano is show up for my lessons. That is the only expectation.

My piano teacher would disagree with that, lol. But I get what she’s saying. Because my desire for “doing it right/enough” is my perfectionism OCD talking.

Which is why piano is such good unintentional ERP for me. Because it upsets my perfectionism OCD so much. My therapist has said this multiple times now.

Lol, I also finally told my piano teacher I have OCD and that my OCD loves piano. In that it loves to tell me how bad I am at it. He was telling me last week, “Just play through, it doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Which has become his new mantra for me lately. orz I was playing some for my husband too to show him how far I’ve come and he said the same thing because I kept stopping when I’d mess up. “Just play it through.”

It is SO HARD TO though. Especially with how hard my OCD focuses on every single mistake I make. Which just leads to building anxiety and more mistakes.

I’ve had moments where I’m struggling while practicing and have literally had to tell myself “practicing will only help, it can’t make you worse at this.”

Because lord knows avoidance is one of my favorite compulsions. Because you can’t be bad at something if you don’t do it, amirite? (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

God, I also realized my OCD has eased up a bit when it comes to writing (sort of), but now it’s decided to focus on replying to comments on my fics instead. Something I genuinely enjoy doing because getting comments fills my heart with rainbows. It gets riled up with me trying to leave comments too.

My perfectionism OCD has decided this is a great time to overthink every single word I type. Just a constant stream of “You have to give the perfect reply to a comment, otherwise people won’t think you’re grateful enough for them taking the time to comment and they won’t want to read your fic anymore and they’ll hate you.”

And “You’ve left comments on other fics that people have said made their day. If you don’t leave a good enough comment or if you don’t comment at all, they’ll think you don’t like their fic anymore. You know how happy getting comments makes you. If you don’t comment on everything you read, that makes you a bad person.”

None of that is true, ofc. I know it’s not true. I know it’s not even logical. But it is all triggering my avoidance SO HARD. Because I can’t mess it up if I don’t do it at all! So now I have a bunch of comments that have piled up and a bunch of fics I’ve read that I haven’t commented on and I’m starting to ruminate on all of it.

And it’s just like…so objectively ridiculous. That’s not self-compassion, I know. But like, it feels so absurd to be in an OCD spiral over this. Where I am actively spending more time agonizing (ruminating) over the fact that I haven’t done either than it would take to just…reply or leave a comment on a fic.

Like. This is not a life or death situation. This doesn’t even have to be a situation! And yet the spiral continues. I stress, I avoid, I stress about avoiding. And I waste time and energy and brainpower on all of it.

I have the same issue with the other fics I’ve promised too. I’ve been deep into the final chapters of my kid!Alastor fic and hyper focusing on it as a result. But I have been talking about posting Part 8 of my Radioapple series for so long. I threw 8k words at it like a month ago and then started overthinking it and then started worrying about falling behind on my kid!fic. The same for the BG3 oneshot I drafted. All I need to do is edit it so I can post it. But editing to me = executive function (writing somehow does not…?). And, again, I wanted to get caught up on my kid!fic. So now I feel guilty for not finishing it and posting when I said I would.

None of this is anything I should feel guilty for! And I know that. I am doing all of this FOR FUN.

It is supposed to be fun!

AND YET.

Ugh. Not me over here like “My OCD hasn’t been that bad! Why can’t I get anything done?”

Because it picked new things to obsess over and I was late to the party on realizing that. ( ˶ •̀ ⤙ •́ ˶ )

I’m glad I’m meeting with my psychiatrist tomorrow. My depression has been better but now that I’m aware my OCD is ~clinically severe~, I’m hoping maybe she can help get me on something that will do more to help with it. Because while the meds I’m currently on are preventing me from a full blown relapse, I don’t think they’ve been very effective at straight up treating my OCD otherwise.

I’m really hoping a different medication will help. It’s just frustrating to be putting all this work into therapy and all, but not seeing more of a reduction in my symptoms.

Literally one of the questions on the YBOC is: “How anxious would you feel if you were prevented from performing your compulsive behaviors?”

I told her it wouldn’t make me anxious because I don’t WANT to do the compulsions. And if I had a magic button in my head that would make them easier to resist, it would be the greatest thing ever. The compulsions are what’s making me anxious. Most of the time I don’t realize I’m obsessing or compulsing.

So then I get frustrated and upset at myself for not getting things done and it’s only then that I’m like, “Wait, is this an OCD spiral?”

If I could get better at recognizing them sooner and acting sooner, I think it’d go a long way toward helping me. The thing is, I don’t know if this is a medication thing or a me thing and tbh I’m worried it’s a me thing. That I’m not doing something right, and that’s why I’m having such a hard time with it all.

I really hope that’s not the case. Like, I am DESPERATE to get out of these never-ending loops. I just really, really hope that the will is already there and that a different medication can help get my OCD under control enough for me to actually make progress.

T^T Guess I’ll find out tomorrow. Lol, not me stressing now that my psychiatrist is just gonna be like “Your problem is that you aren’t trying hard enough!” Because I think my problem is trying so hard to the point I unintentionally actively sabotage myself… Like I’m trying to fight perfectionism OCD with gasoline instead of water or something.

Ugh. Fingers crossed she can give me some better insight into all this tomorrow.

I’m just curious now too if my OCD has always been this bad and I’m only just now realizing it, or if it’s just been worse in general over the past year or so for whatever reason.

FIX ME, SCIENCE! FIX ME!!!

[colourful-void]

cool flute players in fiction:

Melody Hxh

Prince Eric

surely there's a third right

[cutter-kirby]

i feel very strongly that ethan winters and arthur lester should hang out and be best friends

[lapsedmathematician]

okay it is GROTESQUELY OFFENSIVE that I had to add La Captive (2000) dir. Chantal Akerman as a write-in. that's Chantal Motherfucking Akerman we're talking about. Queen Movies herself. the new york times can taste my blade for this and at least one other reason

[sourpeachpit]

my stupid project idea brain: what if I notated a proper choral SSAATB arrangement of Between Two Worlds me: why would I do that my brain: idk lol it'd be cool me: I don't even know a choir?? I don't know how to direct a choir even if I had access to one that would do mobage music???? it'd never even get performed live!! my brain: yeah but it'd be cool wouldn't it

[amygdalae]

Ppl are watching severance episode 1 in the other room rn and for a sec heard that plucky eerie piano music and thought it was coming from inside my headcuz it's been stuck in there all day

[adagger-adagger-fetchmeadagger]

the chance of spotlight part two today is much higher than normal

[radicalkeytar]

[ Rory had made it a habit to explore the forest surrounding the cabin, mostly to avoid bothering others with their music. Plus, since it was so isolated there, they didn't have to worry about messing up. ]

[ Settling down against a tree, Rory clicks their keytar on, adjusting the knobs to the correct settings. The games have made it harder for them to just.. sit down and play without pressure. But now, they finally had the time. ]

[ Once everything was set up, she began, fingers dancing across the keys. Just a few simple pieces to get warmed up. ]

[smudgedinknotes]

Do I play the piano? Yes. Do I not practice and feel bad for it when I have to sit in my lesson and the teacher is like "whyy not thoughh??" Yes.

[sugarrushnews-blog]

Piano Improv Diary April 12, 2025.

[y2kinnow]

tbh i feel like im an open book aksksks lotsa people can figure out exactly whats wrong with me with just five minutes of conversation

i dont have a "designated" writing time as most other writers do, sometimes i think of a concept and then another concept and when it links together i sprint around my house to find a writing utensil

i did ballet for a couple of years as a kid and then completely stopped for whatever reason (then proceeded to break my toe trying to pirouette this april)

i can ride a motorbike (+ i can also drive a car but im pretty shitty at it)

ty for tagging me :3

@rainforcsts @anintellectualintellectual !!

hey guys, if you get tagged in this share 3 random facts about yourself that people may not guess, then tag the last 10 people in your notifs

1: I'm terrified of yellow flowers

2: My favorite band is The Linda Lindas

3: I'm in a band with someone tagged here (stay guessing >:3)

@demonshauntme2 @sasgaycumfilledcondom @warden-draws-sometimes @megarattdrawsstuff @draxolot @cheeseboi101010 @nyxisclown @gothweirdo1 @harumichan12 @jocie-questions-reality