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hidden-poet · 1 day ago

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Outlaw

Summary: After nearly a year of mystery presents, your gift giver finally reveals himself to be none other then the outlaw Billy-the-kid.

AN: Okay, you caught me, I don't know how to play poker.

It started one morning with a pair of beautiful gloves left at your doorstep. They were still in the box that the shopkeeper sent the purchaser home in. But when you went to the convenience store, Lewis the owner would not tell you who left the gift.

Who knows, he said, lots of people buy gloves. He cant keep track of every purchase. He would not look you in the eye, nor was he unable to keep himself from his work.

With clear intent he did not want to talk to you about it, you left him. He was clearly worried about something, you shouldn’t have bothered him with such a silly task. It was a nice gift. You should focus on being thankful for it.

You made a point to wear them often to let the gift giver know you liked them. No one ever stepped forward to claim such a nice gesture.

The next gift was from out of town. A gold wrist watch.

Lewis would never stock anything so grand. Not for the small town of Westfield.

It gave you another clue to who the secret gift giver could be.

Still no one sprang to mind.

Every month a new gift would turn up. On your twentieth birthday, a note was finally left. ‘Happy birthday’ it read. You could tell whoever wrote it did so with care. The writing was messy but there were clear attempts of trying to be neat.

You knew no one with such handwriting. The daming clue only confusing you further.

The letter came with a gold bracelet and field picked flowers. You recognized the flowers from the meadow just over the hill. The person must have come east.

It drove you crazy not knowing who it could be. More so, that they visited often and yet you had never caught sight of them. You tried staying up. But you never knew when the stranger would come, and they always seemed to know when you were asleep.

You put the bracelet on, keeping the note in the draw of your vanity. Your father wanted you to sell the gifts to help pay for things on the farm but you refused. You would never disrespect the gift giver in that way.

You would hide the gifts from your father. He only knew about a few. You would wake early to ensure that he never saw anything too valuable. He would soon stop demanding and just start taking.

Seeing as you got no gift from your father, he offered to allow you to accompany him to the tavern for his nightly drink. Although you knew you would sit there for hours with only one cup of tea, you agreed to go if only for an excuse to wear your new bracelet that you kept hidden under your riding glove.

Your father was a tavern regular, nearly everyone knew him as he entered the doors.

A few said hello to you in passing as you made your way to the bar. Your father carried on without you going to the private booth where his rowdy and drunk friends were stored away.

You had hoped he would first buy you a cup of tea before disappearing but he had to wait for you to clean up after dinner and get ready which made him late in his usual routine.

The bartender greets you but you hop away from the counter so he could serve people with money.

From the corner of your eye, you could see William Bonney staring at you from his card game. Joel Humprhy sat across from him who you knew well from your school years.

A familiar face was a pleasant sight so you bee lined over to him, and away from the other men who had begun to draw closer.

“Miss Y/n”, Billy greeted, rising from his seat, and pulling out the wooden chair next to him so you could sit, “how are you this evening?”.

“Very well, thank you” you smile at him as you sit, and he returns one back almost shyly.

“Gentlemen”, you greet the table, “Apologies for interrupting your game”.

“Good evening, beautiful”, Joel greeted, tilting his hat towards you.

“Would you like to play?” Billy asked.

He throws his cards in the middle like it was already decided.

“Redraw the cards, Henry”. The men at the table groan, but submit the cards back.

“Thank you, Mr Bonney but I will watch. I’d prefer to waste my money on a sweet then lose it to you on a card game”, you say.

“Come on, I’ll put in for you”, he offers.

“Thank you, Mr Bonney, but I must really turn down your offer. I solom follow the game”

Billy ignores you, throwing two lots of coins into the pot.

“Deal won’t you, henry”, Billy spoke in a soft voice.

He shuffles his chair closer to you, his leg almost touching yours.

“I’ll help you”, he offers, “better you’re here next to me then over by the bar by yourself”.

He nods for you to pick up your card, and you do, showing him the hand you had been dealt.

“Fold”, the man to you left called, throwing his cards down.

“Bet”, Joel declares. He winks at you as he throws two more coins in the middle.

You look at Billy, wondering what it all meant. You couldn’t remember the hierarchy of cards.

‘I’ll fold, you keep going” Billy orders. Watching him turn his own cards in and yet throwing more money down rose your anxiety levels.

“Well darling”, Joel drawled from across the table, “what now?”

“She aint your darling”, billy shot back. He shuffles closer and gently organises your cards in rank.

“We’ll get rid of these two”, he whispers in your ear.

The two cards on the end are tugged from the deck and given back to the dealer who gives you two more. Billy organises them once more while Joel makes the same move.

Joel whistles upon receiving his two new cards. You feel Billy’s breathy chuckle against your shoulder.

“What do you say to a rise, Billy?” Joel asks, “three for three”.

Billy eyes turn from the cards to you. You never realised how blue they were.

“What do you think, darling? Can we take him?” Billy asks in a playful manner.

You turn back to your cards. Three of a kind. You were pretty sure it wasn’t a bad hand from memory. Joel’s whistle threw you off, it was perforative.Merely a joke to get Billy to laugh.

You felt shy under the mens stare. The red of your cheeks burning as you slowly and unsurely nodded your head.

Billy reached for his pile and threw three more coins down.

“Alright, show em’” the dealer demanded.

Joel whistled once more, slapping his cards down on the table with a grin.

Billy forces your hand down on the table and you examine the difference.

“Flush!” Joel announces.

“What does that mean?”, you ask Billy.

“It means, Joel is a god damn cheat”, he says looking at his friend with a smile before turning back to you, “and you’ve lost”.

“Oh”, your cheeks turned red from embarrassment. It was a quick defeat and Billy’s money was now being scooped into another pile.

“It’s alright”, Billy tells you, “just part of the game”.

He throws the cards back and they are reshuffled and distributed once more.

“Oh no” you tell Henry who plays you a hand.

You go to push them back to the dealer but Billy’s hand comes down and flattens over yours.

“Game aint over yet”, he says. His tone was almost disappointed.

“Yeah”, Joel agreed from across the table, “You aint going anywhere while Billy’s money’s on the line”.

Joel laughed, slapping the table with so much force it shook from his thumping.

“Shut up now would ya”, Billy growled.

“My father is due shortly. I’ll just watch”, you state.

Billy’s hand remained on top of yours, refusing to budge as you tried to push the card back.

His blue eyes bore down at you making you feel unsteady.

“Okay”, you tell Billy in a soft voice, “one more round”, you relent.

His hand almost instantly lifts off yours. It was a relief when his eyes went from you to his cards.

“Alright boys, and the fine Miss Y/n” Joel tilts his hat in your direction as he spoke, “Lets hear what ya got”.

“Damn you, henry! Thats the second hand”, the man at the table complained, throwing his cards down.

“Vern, a royal flush wouldn’t help your ass”, Henry argued back, “Now if you’re folded sit there and be quiet”.

The man grumbles but does as he is told and the table places their bets.

Joel raises once more with the same smirk. Billy undeterred meets the bet. He then takes a peak at yours, three of a kind.

“She’ll play on”, he announces to the group, adding money to the pot for you.

Joel pushes his hat up from his head, and sits up straighter at the news.

“Yew, that’s what we like to hear”, Joel cheers now more focused on his cards.

The men trade in cards, and you follow suit taking the two odds from your deck and passing them back to Henry.

“That’s right”, Billy praises.

Two more cards are given back to you, but they make no difference to your hand.

Joel, however, is pleased with his. Making a large gleeful cry and raising the bet.

Billy scoffs, unbothered by the mans display.

“Hope you brought your purse tonight, Billy”, Joel hollard.

“You ever shut up?” Billy playfully asks, throwing more money in, “Your big mouth gives you away. I’ll raise two sheilings”.

It signaled your turn, but you were unable to make a play.

It wasn’t your money wasted. You think about folding, Billy wouldn’t be forced to meet the best, but his last two raises would be lost.

As if Billy could sense your hesitation, he drew closer, necessarily bending so his head was at shoulder height while he stared at your cards.

“Raise” he told you.

The men around the table looked at you expecting the answer from your own lips.

“Raise” you re-affirmed.

Billy threw more money into the centre. The clanging sound making you shudder at the wealth that could be lost.

“God damn you, Billy” Joel threw his card down, his actions speaking for him, “fold”.

Billy smiles, from the corner of his eye you see him look at you before scraping his chair along the floor and angling himself across from you. The last two players of the game. Only one with knowledge of what they were doing.

“Well Miss, what will it be?”, he asks you, pulling his cards close to his chest.

Billy already knew what cards you had. You thought his question was a joke.

“Raise” you joke.

The men at the table laugh but Billy lets out a low whistle, looking at his money on the table.

“How much?” he questions.

“It all” you jest again uninterested, but Billy refuses to take it as a joke.

‘Well what would that leave me to counter with?”, he asks.

You eye him. He had his gun kept firmly on his hip. He wouldn’t give that up even as a joke. Your eyes travel up from his boots and cotton pants, over his faded blue shirt and overalls, to the hat he always wore.

“You hat” you announce, “throw your hat in the pot if you think your cards are that good”.

You attempt to laugh it off with the rest of the group but Billy’s hat lands in the centre.

“Alright, honey, lay them flat”, he demands.

You roll your eyes and lay your cards down for all to see.

Billy doesn’t show his, instead just throws them face down and drags the pile towards you.

His hat is placed on your head, falling just over your eyes.

‘‘Think about all the candy you can buy with that”, Billy calls as the money stops in front of you.

The men hollar at the news, drawing the attention of the saloon.

Your father pokes his head out from the private booths to see you sitting at the poker table. It ended the night in an instant. Your father storms out, not bothering to bid goodbye to his friends.

You throw Billys hat in his lap as you stand quickly.

Billy rises also, coming face to face with your father.

“Sir, it was my fault”, he got out before your father could say a word.

Your father was always strict. He had a sure tell of anger, his neck would turn a bright red color as it did now.

Your arm is taken in a harsh grip. Billy’s eyes darken and his face stills into a scowl.

“What are you men thinking involving a young woman in your games”, your father scolded.

“Ah, we were just keeping her entertained”, Joel reasoned.

“A poker table aint no place for women”, your father fought.

“But the bar by herself is fine”, Billy now said. His fierce gaze aimed at the old man.

Your father is silent as he gains the attention of Billy. There were rumors about who he was before Westfeild, that your father would rather not be put to test.

“I’ll be taken my daughter home now, gentlemen”, your arm is pulled away from the table.

You glance behind you as you make your way from the bar. Billy had not returned to his game like the others, but remained stagnant in his anger.

Your father gives you an earful as he pulls you through the tavern. You knew it would be a while before he invited you back again. It would be only farm work and walks to town for supplies until he forgot your trespass.

The grip on your arm is left as your father unties the horses from their stake, but his mouth remains reprimanding you while his hands worked.

A reprieve was given when the bar keeper yelled out of the back door to your father that he had forgotten his hat.

Your father didn’t bring a hat, but the bar keeper would not let him go without getting it first.

Your father relents after a series of back and forth, leaving you to mind the horses while he went back to the booth for his imaginary hat.

The night was warm so you didn’t mind standing out in the near dark by yourself. You pat your horse, knowing you wouldn’t be allowed to ride him for at least the next week.

Your father could be mean in his scritness. Some of his consequences didn’t relate to the crime.

You wondered why your father got so upset. Women often watched men play poker. The wealthy women sometimes played. It was hardly scandalous.

As the backdoor shut after your father, a dark, tall figure emerges from the side of the taven, coming across to you.

At first it frightened you, but as he got closer you recognized the figure as Billy’s. A harmless creature.

“Miss y/n, are you alright?”, he asks as he approaches.

You smile at Billy, just faintly making him out in the dark.

“Fine, Mr Bonney. Thank you. My father can sometimes be over protective”, you explain, “Ever since my mother died, I am all he’s got left”.

“He still shouldn’t have grabbed you like that”, Billy reasonsed, “you weren’t doing nothing wrong. Just having a little fun. I wouldn’t have let them take advantage of you”.

His familiar way of talking was surprising. You had spoken to him a few times at church, smiled at him in passing, but nothing to warrant such a friendly way of talking. You wouldn’t count him amongst the strangers but certainly not amongst the friends.

“Thank you for your concern, Mr Bonney, but it’s unnecessary. My father-he”, you think about finishing the sentence.

He wasn’t always like that? He has a heavy hand but not always cruel? He was your father and could treat you how he saw fit?

“Is your arm okay?” Billy redirects you from your topic.

“Fine”, you breathe, although you were sure to wake to find bruises.

You saw Billys head nod in the darkness before he reached into his pocket and pulled something from it.

“Your winnings” Billy accounces, holding up a small purse.

You laugh at him when he takes his hat from his head and offers it out to you alongside the money.

“To take a mans’ money and hat would leave him with little else. No, I shall leave you with both, Mr Bonney. Thank you for letting me play”.

“Well”, he says, opening a purse and taking a few coins out, “at least take enough to buy yourself tea and cake, for your birthday”.

He holds out the coins between his fingers but you don’t take it.

“How did you know it was my birthday?’, you question him.

“I must have heard your daddy say it”, he says after a pause.

“Go on, take it”, he urges, stressing the money in his hand.

You open your palm to him and the coins drop in. A few coins would be helpful.

“Thank you, Mr Bonney, that’s very generous”, you praise.

“Would you stop calling me Mr Bonney? I aint that much older than you”, he protests.

“If you stop calling me Miss”, you conter.

Billy places his hand on his belt, you could see a faint smirk across his face that revealed itself when his head raised while nodding.

“I reckon I can do that”, he agrees.

“Billy!” the tavern keep yelled out the backdoor before quickly disappearing back inside.

You now realise Billy was behind the hat debacle.

“I was hoping to see you again”, Billy admits.

“I am not too sure my father will allow me out of the estate for a while”. Your blood now raced thinking about your father catching sight of you with Billy. The tavern had yelled out a warning he was coming.

“Well I can come to you”, Billy pushes.

“Billy, my father”, you urge.

He takes a step back from you, retreating further into the darkness.

“I’ll be taking my leave then. Goodnight, Miss Y/n. Happy birthday”, his voice was low and quiet.

You wanted to reassure him that if it was up to you things would be different. To somehow spare his feelings after he had been so kind to you.

But as your father emerges from the back door, Billy disappears into the darkness.

Your father is in a better mood, carrying a hat that did not belong to him.

You never mention Billy to him, but as you go to bed that night, you clutch his coins in your hand.

The next month a brand new hat, and a pouch of sweets are the gift left at your doorstep.

It crosses your mind that the gift giver could be Billy. He had given himself away by giving a gift so personal. Or could your gift giver be someone else who overheard you at the tavern?

Who else? Billy has been so friendly towards you as if he knew you better than he actually did. Could the mystery be solved?

You leave the gifts on the doorstep. Suddenly, it all felt scary. Billy had come to Westfield for a new life, but his reputation preceded him. He was still wanted for murder in three cities. He would be hunted and hanged if not for his gun skills.

Westfield had accepted him after proving his usefulness in running off the unwanted. His kind and gentle nature often had people forgetting that the name Billy- the -kid held more weight then an anecdotal nickname.

You had not forgotten. Billy was handsome but for a husband you wanted someone placid and meek. The opposite of your father.

You now felt silly for allowing him to continue for as long as you did. You were blind sided by the gifts, and now you have placed yourself in a tight situation.

You decide to sell the gifts and give the money to your father like he wanted. It now felt wrong to keep the gifts given by an outlaw.

Lewis the shopkeeper was glad to take them off your hands. Your father was glad to have the money, and in turn, was less harsh with you.

Your punishment was over, and you were now allowed back your freedom.

You took it with liberty. Glad to be away from your home estate. It was late afternoon when you were returning home. Your father would complain about a late dinner. But perhaps with his new wealth, he may have taken to the tavern and would leave you in peace.

The sun was setting past the mountains, you quicken your pace before dark but as you race past the school, you feel an arms snake around your waist, and a large hand clamp around your mouth.

Before you could react you were pressed against the wall of the school, hidden out of sight.

Billy stood in front of you, keeping his forearm across your chest to keep you in place. He looked angry but spoke in a calm manner.

“Making me buy them twice was rude”, he criticized, planting the new hat that was left on your doorstep on your head.

“So it was you”, you confirmed.

“What were you doing selling the gifts? They were for you”, he scolded.

His face was mere inches from yours. With his hand now free from the gift, he repositions himself so either hand was on the wall by the side of your face.

“My father is expecting me”, you say instead. You attempt to free yourself by going under his arm but he pushes you back to the centre.

“You think I give a fuck about your father”, his hand lands back against the wall, his fingers so close, they almost brush your skin.

“You know how many times I've thought about killing him?”, Billy admits. You try to avoid his gaze but he follows your head with his own.

“Every night I left those gifts, I thought about just walking up those steps and killing him while he slept. How easy it would be to find you in the next bedroom. Why?” he accuses in an angry tone, like his feelings were your fault, “I aint that sort of man so why when it comes to you. Do I feel that way?”.

“I know exactly what sort of man you are. You should ask the towns gossips, they can paint you a pretty good picture of Billy- the- kid”, you provoke.

You felt angry that you had been fooled. That so many of the townspeople had been fooled too. You believed people could change, you were kind to Billy at first for that reason. While others shunned his background, you encouraged people to allow him to redeem himself. Now you realise people change but their nature lies in wait.

“I want to be your man”, Billy admits softly, “I can take care of you. Take you away from your father. He wouldn’t lay a hand on you again”.

You avoid looking at him, casting your gaze to the street in hope there would be someone passing by that you could call to.

Billy didn’t like this, taking your head in his hand he yanks your face back in his direction and plants a deep kiss on your lips. You push against his broad shoulders and he wraps his arms around your waist once more to bring you tightly against him.

When he breaks the kiss, he keeps his hold on you so you are still pressed against him.

“Y/n, I cant keep doing this. Watching from the shadows is driving me crazy. I can’t live like this. I won’t allow you to call on anyone else but me”, he declares.

“Billy, let go of me”, you tell him, trying to yank yourself from his grip.

“I aint letting you go until I get the answer I want”, he demands, “say you’ll marry me”.

“No”, you resolve. Your husband will be gentle and kind. Not a brute and not a murder.

“Say it”, he demands through gritted teeth.

“NO” you scream back in his face. You raise your knee into his manhood and he drops his hold on you.

You stumble forward, attempting to break into a run but your wrist is caught, and Billy slips in pain, tugging you to the ground as he falls.

As soon as you hit the ground, Billy is crawling on top of you and pinning your hands to the ground with his own.

“It’s alright, it’s alright”, he tells you over your screaming.

You kick, attempting to buck him off but he is too heavy.

“I told you, I aint taking no for an answer. You want Billy-the-kid, alright, well here he is”.

The click of a gun next to your ear stilled you. You could think of few worse deaths than being shot in an alley.

“Now get up” he asserts.

With his body weight slowly peeling off you, you follow him into a standing position with your hands raised in surrender.

“Billy”, you try.

‘Shut up. Just shut up” he spits, “I’ve watched your father treat you horribly for the past year. Now I couldn’t save my mother from men like him, but I can save you, so just shut up and do as you are told”.

He takes your arm in his spare hand and leads you to the back of the school house where his horse was waiting. It was a relief when he holstered his gun to untie the reins. He takes the hat that is half falling off your head and shoves it in the side saddle.

“Billy, my father has never hurt me”, you reason with him. He may be a little heavy handed at times, and irresponsible with his wage but to call him someone you needed saving from was a stretch. You wondered if Billy even believed it.

You watch as he leans against his horse with his eyes closed. His hold no longer on your arm.

“Get on the horse, Y/n. Or I swear I will, and I’ll ride to your father's house, and kill him where he stands”.

You pull yourself up on the saddle, and Billy follows suit, taking the reins into his hands and directing his horse out of town.

You notice the bags tied around the horse, and your belly knots to think that Billy does not intend to return.

“Billy, where are we going?” you question, as he rides too fast past the boundary of Westfield.

He doesn’t answer you, causing your mind to race. What would your father think? Would Billy hurt you? Why did he need to leave town?

Your tears pool and drop from your eyes. You had been so stupid to think accepting those gifts would have no consequences. Billy continues riding until he reaches the clearing that would lead to the next town over. At that point he slows his horse to a walking pace and notices your crying.

“Hey”, he says, placing both reins in one hand so he could brush your tears away. You push your head further away from him, moving away from his touch.

You could feel him move behind you, reaching down to pull something from his side saddle.

“Here”, he announces, thrusting a wanted poster in front of you. The sketch of the man was ugly and mean. Scars littered across his face, one directly across his big bushy eyebrow.

A hefty reward boasted across the bottom and top of the page, speaking of the mans danger. Wanted dead or alive, it said.

“Montvile. We are going to Montvile”, Billy said, “I have a reliable source who said he passed through there last”.

“You’re going after the reward?”, you gasp. This man was wanted for a series of murders and robberies. The price on his head was a warning more than a incentive.

“Figure we use the money towards a house. Anywhere you’d like. A few cattle and sheep. That money could give us a new start”.

He takes the poster out of your hands and places it back in its place.

“Why take me? It’d be quicker to go alone”, you say.

Billy stops the horse to give weight to his words, “Because I could bear the thought of leaving you. Not for as long as it takes to find him. When you sold my gifts to lewis, I knew it wouldn’t matter if I took you now or when I returned. It was always going to be this way wasn’t it?”.

“Billy, I am sorry”, you cry, “I didn't know it was you”.

“It’s alright”, he tells you.

You feel his hands twist you in the saddle, you try your best to follow his wordless hands until you are fully turned around facing him.

He pulls your hips down back into the saddle and close to him.

“What are you doing?” you ask as he wraps your arms around his torso.

He takes the reins back into his hands and the horse begins to trot again.

Your hands dig into the fabric of his vest. Facing backwards meant you were unsteady and although Billy's arms guarded either side of you, you were worried about falling off.

The feeling of riding forward but looking backward left you feeling sick so you dug your face into his neck to ease the queasiness. You could smell the sweat on his skin.

“Just rest now. Everything is going to be alright”, he says.

The journey remains like that until night falls completely. You had no idea where you were but Billy seemed to know the path well. Navigating it despite the dark.

You see nothing for miles, until you come across a small church house with candles lighting the inside.

Billy halts his horse once more, and unwraps your arms from himself so he could jump down. He reaches up for you and you are grateful to get down.

“Why are we here?”, you ask him. Would you sleep here tonight under the presence of god?

“Old friend owes me a favour”, he responds.

You wonder if you could get help. Surely, there would be another apart from Billy’s friend.

To your dismay, there was only a single preacher, knelt down in prayer.

Billy greets him in spanish. The men returns in the same.

He eyes you curiously as billy speaks, making you wonder what Billy was saying.

The tone of the conversation turns from confused to bewilderment. The men argue in a different language and you stand there hand in hand with Billy trying to figure out what was being said.

Billy hand goes to his gun, what must have been a warring escapes his lips and the preacher man turns to the alter, grabbing his bible from the podium.

Billy follows him, dragging you along behind him.

“What’s going on?”, you say loudly.

Billy brings you to stand in front of the Preacher next to him, and the man begins to recite something in spanish.

By the time you figure out its wedding vows, your window to stop it was narrow.

You step back wanting nothing more than to flee to the exit. Billy yanks you forward again.

You fight with Billy trying to free your hand from him. When you twist it free, Billy latches on to your arms with both his hands.

“No, stop it”, you protest.

You shove him harshly, trying to twist yourself from his hold. The Preacher man continues as you struggle in Billy hold.

Billy brings you tightly against him so you have less wiggle room. You drop your weight in response and he follows you to the ground where the fight continues.

The preacher stumbles upon his words but finds them quickly.

‘Stop” you beg him, reaching out to touch his shoe.

Billy's hand clamps down on yours and forces it to your chest.In an attempt to break free, you elbow him in the stomach which offers you more movement but no real chance of freedom.

Billy uses his strength to flip you on your back where he could pin you under his weight. Your hands are pressed into the wooden floor by his hands on your wrists.

“Está Hecho?” Billy shouts at the Preacher.

“Si, si”, the Preacher man appeases. He does the sign of the cross. A blessing over yours and Billy's marriage.

Billy turns back to you, smashing his lips against yours in a quick kiss. Word would circulate through the county. The Preacher would put your names in a log book for all to see.

The Preacher tries to speak to you in spanish. An apology you guessed from his tone and posture.

Billy spoke for you while you sobbed on the ground. A marriage under God was binding. Would God recognise a marriage under duress? People would. A preacher had made a vow for you in front of God. you were now bound to Billy.

“Gracias, Amigo” were Billy’s last words before he picked you up from the ground and carried you out of the church.

He jolts you slightly by tensing his arms up and then releasing back into a more comfortable stance.

“Please stop crying. I aint that bad” he says.

He lowers you back onto your feet so he could help you back onto his horse. He swings up first and then hoists you up into the same awkward position as before.

You bury your head into his vest to quieten your cries. What would you tell your father? He would never believe you.

“Just a few more miles and then we’ll set up camp for the night” he kisses the side of your head before continuing, “Mrs Bonney”.

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cinerins · 5 months ago

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The thing that pisses me off the most about the inhibitor chip retcon is that they act as if Order 66 is the primary directive while attributing the rest to a vague ✨️Mindcontrol✨️ obedience. The way TCW introduced the whole deal with Tup immediately trying to kill any Jedi in sight when his chip malfunctions was so incredibly stupid to me.

How does a "malfunction" like that even work? Why would it specifically trigger that response and not also any of the other contingency orders, like, I don't know, the one that has them blowing up an entire planet or arresting everyone in the room.

Yes, the clones' main purpose was as an effectively cruel way to kill 99.9% of germs Jedi but that was... hardly all of it. They're an intrinsic part of the imperial machine; there's a reason so many orders exist and that reason is control. If Palpatine only wanted to get rid of the Jedi, he could've just invested in assassins or a nuke, but that wasn't the point.

It's meant to be systematic. It's about how easily a democracy can slip into fascism simply by taking one step after another. That's why I personally preferred the idea of the clones being indoctrinated into following these orders; they were quite literally made and raised to think that way. They serve as the deliberate template that would help shape the galaxy in a way where soon enough willing participants would continue to take their place.

Pushing all of that off on a conventional mindcontrol chip just feels cheap and undermines the whole idea of how anyone could end up thinking that way. How despite all of their individuality and differences, at large, the clones still follow the same orders, the same expectations. And how much more meaningful it is when you question it and consciously choose to break away from it. To fight it.

#please don't pull the ''it's a kids show'' card i have two separate rants locked and loaded on the quality decline of family media #as well as the way sw writing keeps regurgitating the same surface level ideas over and over with worse results each time #star wars #clone wars #tcw #the actual execution of o66 in the movie makes more sense back when the initial concept was that the clones were in on it from the start #and their main purpose really was just killing the jedi but that only worked for as long as clones were nothing more than narrative tools #the moment they were made into actual characters the big questions were ''why'' and ''how could they do that?''#a good answer was indoctrination and actual issues of prolonged war and rising fascist/imperialist ideals #and then it's like they chickened out and introduced ''cool'' new plot points that don't quite fit and just make a mess of it #yes i know sorry for my ''star wars would be good if it was good'' post i'm just really feeling it tonight #i wouldn't even mind the chips as much if they were utilized better and MADE SENSE #ctrl+s

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aria0fgold · 6 months ago

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I just changed my blog theme nooooooo! But that Knight Emu fits sooooo well with Sun Knight Cain and Knight Owen... I need to, I need to make em match again.

#aria rants #i shouldve waited a day before changing but in my defense i forgor-- also i didnt expect colopale to pull off another knight theme #ITS SOOOOO GOOD YAALLL ITS SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD THE ART IMPROVED SO MUCH ITS SOOO GOOD #I NEED THOSE CARDS!!! I NEED THOSE OUTFITS!!! I NEED KNIGHT EMU!!! stars this also just reminded me of knight akito #fucking hell akito if only your knight card came home during then IT WOULDVE BEEN PERFECT-- now id also have to find a way #to squeeze in some crystals for knight akito rerun so my kids can match. knight akito and knight emu is all i ever need in my life

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cocoabubbelle-newblog · 7 months ago

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Rings of Power S2

Spoilers

Arondir: *stabbed*

Me: NOOOOOOOOOO 😭

Adar: *prettified by Nenya and has possibly his conscience restored, his thirst for vengeance cooled down, alludes to an older name, and has VIBES with Galadriel*

Me:…*remembers that Celeborn was supposedly killed off centuries/who-knows-how-long-ago*…wait. WAI-!!

Adar: *also stabbed*

Me: NOOOOOOOOO(dangit there goes my headcanon)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭

Arondir: *alive actually*

Me: …wait wut

#rings of power spoilers #the rings of power #rings of power #also got chills from former king durin celebrimbor elendil + more #but seriously #WHAT THE HECK WHY STAB PUERTO RICAN ELF IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODE AND BREAK MY HEART #ONLY TO PULL AN ‘JUST KIDDING’ CARD?!#AND ADAR’S MOMENTS OF REGAINING HIMSELF BOTH AS ‘ADAR’ + WHO HE USED TO BE?!#look i’m just saying #if by some miracle he comes out unscathed like arondir #the possibility that he is actually a deeply traumatized celeborn could be valid #since in the hobbit film trilogy (which I am one of the few who loved them)#we learn that thranduil is actually massively scarred underneath the glamour #and arondir had told bronwyn that elves have artificers or smth that help cover up wounds like that #only things that work against my headcanon is 1) adar is now dead (for now until they pull a fast one on us)#and 2) galadriel doesn’t seem to recognize her husband #or does she?#she could have been surprised by nenya’s effects on adar (what? he be hunky as an elf too imo)#but could there be a possibility that some part of her recognized her husband deep inside this tortured traumatized angry tired bitter soul #and had asked for his name in a tone that she had an idea of who he could be but was both fearful and hopeful that the elf she once loved #had been corrupted into this orc/uruk that she had hated so vehemently not even a few days ago?#maybe i’m wrong #since i was also wrong about the stranger = saruman #since the dark wizard being saruman and already doing shady things and already being on the stranger’s bad side seemed too easy #galadriel #adar #arondir #adariel #celeborn #adar = celeborn?

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deadallover · 2 months ago

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Im laughing bc i found out one of the only "good" pokemon cards I pulled from childhood is one of the "chase cards", tornadus, from one of the worst regarded sets ever, emerging powers.

#obviously just subjective i really like him bc as a kid i was STOKED to pull a cool shiny card but hes never been my fave pkmn #its regarded badly because its fucking tornadus #like the set only has 2 fuckin ultras and theyre thundrus and tornadus #which i find hysterical. theyre both so cheap im going to reunite the family and buy thundrus #gonna put them side by side when my binder comes. finally he gets his husband #ive been getting hella into pkmn cards again and decided id put my childhiid collection in a binder and maybe expand on it finally #as a child i also pulled cobalion ur from noble victories haha which is slightly more valuable #i def will try to reunite him with the rest of those nv freaks too (terakkion and victini and virizion)#bw was my biggest pokemon era but i have some hhss cards too haha #i def plan on buying some new set packs too now that im an adult with my own income haha #talky #literally nothing

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friendrat · 2 years ago

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But I don't wanna live in a dystopian world!!!

#i just saw this video about amazon having this pay with your palm technology #guys why would you give away your biometric data for convenience?!?!#we're really at this point where we will sell our privacy to save 30 seconds #and i know people have been saying this for forever #but what happens when that becomes the only way to pay?#like we are getting so close to what they describe in revelations it's scary #and yeah i get that people said that about barcodes and credit cards #but having your payment method be your literal hand?#that's too close for comfort #and it's literally not smart to give these companies that info #if they have a data breach who knows what a hacker can do with that?#i know this is a crazy scenario but what if a hacker gets ahold of your fingerprints and currupts the digital record for a crime?#on top of that you only need your fingerprints registered with the police for a few reasons like if you are a criminal or work with kids #you have the right to not have the government have your info without reason #but what happens when the government demands that Amazon (or Apple or any other company pulling this crap) give over their records?#now they have that whether you are a criminal or gave your permission or not #that would be a violation of your 4th amendment rights: to be secure in your person houses papers and effects against unreasonable seizures #don't think the government would do that? police in my area will absolutely violate that right by running plates #to see if you have an expired registration even if you weren't doing anything that required they run your plates #so yeah i fully believe the government would violate the 4th amendment #and what's more... i don't even think that they would have to demand the info i think amazon or apple would offer to sell that info to them #ok sorry for the rant #this world is just getting scary y'all

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britneyshakespeare · 3 months ago

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My bestie and I went shopping last night, de facto Galentine's because none of our other friends were available, but plenty of fun nonetheless of course. I have been friends w her for years and I love spending one-on-one time w her; we don't do it enough. Anyway we went shopping first before we got dinner, and we both really like Friendly's so that's where we went. The Friendly's we went to, we go to all the time. It's NEVER busy even on Friday nights. I love it for that. So I completely didn't think of putting off going dinner till like 7:30. But when we walked in, we had to stand in line for AWHILE and the whole place was CROWDED. I was like, WHAT? The fuck is happening here. Are people going on DATES?

#fwiw it mostly seemed to be families #ppl take their kids out for vday! ive gone to friendly's w my family on valentine's day #i forgot that was even a thing tho since i never do anything on vday anymore but give cards to my friends at most #friendly's isn't exactly date vibes even for a chain restaurant lol #not that it wouldnt work on me!!!!!#yeah we finished eating too late to make it to tjmaxx before it was bout to close anyway #which is a shame. but it's mass school vacation week so we'll probably go out this week too #she's a teacher too lol #it was nice. girls night girls night girls night girls night #tales from diana #we both ended up talking about boys for TOO long #i was talking about Man for a long time. SHE brought him up first tho but i just couldn't shut up #bc of the state ive been ruminating about him lately. she didn't mind #i talk about him to my friends so little that there's a lot to fill in. and he's a fascinating tale #it's the only time they've seen me be The More Loving One by W. H. Auden #i think some of my friends (her particularly) see me as an irony #an aromantic woman who can have any man i want. he is exhibit A that ce n'est pas ça.#but i was talking about him w his full name a lot and she was pulling up his socials on her phone #and googling his old modeling pics and stuff. i wonder if anyone who overheard me was like damn who is this guy #like did my waitress go home and google Man? that would be funny #what a flex. i sound vain as fuck when i talk about men i know i do #i am vain. he's the one person i know who is less modest than me though #he's vain. a reckless flirt. weird. and offputting. but also... *holds up a mirror*#he's a hyperbolic male equivalent to my worst traits. so. id hate to see a man hanged for it

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the-soupgoblin · 3 months ago

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It has been without exaggeration possibly the most stressful week of my life and I think the only way I havent broken down is by thinking about Epic (2013)

#for context:#I just started a new job #and Ive been made head cashier three days in a row #I lost my wallet #which means I had to get my license replaced #and also my debit card #and on my way to the bank to replace the debit card I got pulled over because my cars tags are 5 months expired #I am not even kidding the only thing keeping me from losing it is thinking about this goofy ahh movie

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ms-demeanor · 5 months ago

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Kids, we know how interest works, right? A while back I made a post about how credit card interest can screw you, but we know how interest can be good for you too, right?

I suspect we don't know about this because on one of the posts I made about it someone said something about how it is evil that money can make money, but you know that's not just for the ultrawealthy, right? That is legitimately something that you can and should take advantage of in some kind of retirement/savings/investment account.

Let us say that you are twenty years old, have no money to put into a savings account, but have a job that pays you well enough that you've got twenty dollars to spare from each paycheck.

Let us say that you put that into a normal savings account; normal savings accounts have an average interest rate of .56 APY. Let us say you are going to be working until you are sixty, and that you will add forty dollars to that account every month (twenty bucks from each paycheck) for a total of $480 per year.

At the end of 40 years you would have about $21.5k.

That's a pretty good chunk of change! twenty thousand dollars is a lifechanging amount of money. But look at the total interest. In forty years you would have accrued only $2300 in interest.

Now, instead, let us imagine that you are a member of a credit union that offers you a free, high-yield savings account with a decent APY. Everything else being the same, but putting that money in an account with a 4% return does this:

Your total contributions that you put in stay the same, but the amount of money you have at the end of forty years more than doubles.

Let's say you have a thousand dollars to put in the account at the beginning and run it again.

Low interest account: you add $1000 at the start and have an extra $1200 at the end.

High interest account: you add $1000 at the start and have an extra $4000 at the end.

There are many, many very stable opportunities for savings that will grow your money. Fifty thousand dollars isn't a retirement plan, but it's a hell of a lot better than what you would have if you just stuck cash in a savings account or if you didn't save any money at all.

I know how hard it can be to save. I know it feels impossible to put money aside, but even if you start with no money and can tuck away five dollars a week you can get a LOT out of that five dollars a week.

This certainly isn't "you can't buy a house because you get coffee at the cafe," but it something that can HELP.

Now, let's suppose you're not twenty. Let's suppose you're in my boat, and you're (almost) forty and you're going to be saving for twenty years. You still don't have a lot of cash, but you know it has less time to grow interest, so you double your contribution and you put in forty dollars for each paycheck for a total of $960 a year.

That is extremely very much not the same thing as putting in forty bucks a month for twenty years. Instead of your interest being nearly one and a half times the amount of your contributions, it is around half.

If you are a young person (honestly even if you are not a young person) and it is in any way possible for you to start putting money into any kind of an investment account, you should do so as soon as humanly possible. The earlier you do it, the more interest you will have and the more money you will end up with when you are nearing retirement age.

This is how individual retirement plans work. This is what a 401K does, but sometimes it does that with matching contributions from your employer (so your employer matches whatever you put into the account up to a certain percentage of your pay). 401K accounts also often have higher APYs than high yield savings accounts, though they have more limitations on how and when the money can be pulled out.

If you are broke as fuck and never learned anything about investing or interest from your family because your family was broke as fuck too, now is the time to learn. r/PersonalFinance is a reasonable resource (and if you ever happen to have a windfall that's the first place I would point you for figuring out how to make the most of it) for learning about this stuff.

Thinking about money sucks! Being afraid you'll never be able to retire sucks! Having to figure out how to save sucks! But there are tools out there that even very fucking broke people can use to make that suck less.

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2tarbell · 7 months ago

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one order for a vanilla birthday cake pleaseee!

kook!reader texting rafe “what position have you got her in?” when he takes too long to respond to a text

happy birthday, angel 💓

BSF!RAFE + KOOK!READER ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

manicured pink nails tapped impatiently on the restaurant table. eyes glued to the bedazzled device with a glittery pout adorning her lips. this was so unfair. rafe would have a fucking conniption if she even thought about not texting him back. and now it’s been… seven fucking minutes? yeah, right.

the last time she left him on delivered for two minutes he was blowing her phone up and all grumbly the rest of the week, pounding her into oblivion for playing games. dont get her wrong; she loved it. being fucked within an inch of her life was her favorite pastime.

but now? rafe cameron was like the worst hypocrite known to man.

‘what position u got her in?’

‘Be so fr’

it brought a smile to her pretty face seeing his sassy reply. with a satisfied huff, she set her phone face down on the table. why not make him sweat? picking up her long island iced tea with a devious grin, she was right back into the conversation with her girls.

the table was alight with giggles and gossip — the pack of kook girls enjoying lunch together after before hitting the beach.

it was supposed to be an easy day, a break from all the confusion and feelings still swirling around princess and her tall, handsome “best friend”. and she desperately needed that. needed some semblance of normalcy before shit took off and everything on the island changed when the two most hated and loved rich kids finally get together.

so she didn’t even flinch when her phone vibrated once, twice, thrice. she only excused herself from the conversation with a smile when her phone buzzed in a rhythmic pattern — a phone call. bubbles of giddy excitement filling her tummy as ‘rafey’ showed on the screen with a point five angled photo of him looking pissed.

“‘kay— be right back, girls!” she sang, already standing with her phone in hand.

“he finally called you, huh?” melodie, a beautiful brunette in a lilac bikini top teased. the table giggled, all looking at princess and feeling a rush of girlish excitement.

“get your man, baby!” another girl, aliyah, borderline squealed.

princess flushed, feeling her body heat up at the prospect of rafe being ‘her man’. god, imagine! she waved them off embarrassedly, teetering away on her platform flip flops, pleasantly tipsy as she leans against the outside wall of the restaurant.

“hellooooo?”

her voice was sugary sweet into the phone, looking down at her nails and checking the polish for any chips. the warm timbre of rafe cameron’s voice rumbled through the speaker, directly pressed into her ear. she found herself wishing to feel his lips moving around the words and against the shell of her ear.

“you’re somethin’ else, dollface.” he mumbled and she could hear the smirk on his lips.

“aw, you didn’t say ‘hi’, rafe…” she pouted, biting back a laugh at the sound of his heavy sigh on the other end.

“hi. you’re somethin’ else.”

“hiii. why’s that?”

his laugh came through the speaker, all deep and settling into her bones like it always does. she hears the tick, tick of his blinker, meaning he’s driving somewhere in that big truck of his.

princess looks around at the marina, taking the sight of obx residents enjoying the still warm, early fall weather. hot enough to take a dip without the water being freezing yet. rafe continued on as she flitted her gaze around the area.

he ignored her question, instead asking his own.

“checked your location. you tipsy right now?”

a giggle escaped her glossy lips, head lolling slightly, “mmm, maybe… why?”

“go back in and pay. sent you one fifty.”

she froze, pulling the phone from her ear and seeing an apple pay notification. he always did this. not like she could just use her dad’s card or anything.

“rafe cameron—“

he cut her off, hanging up after and not letting her protest, “hey— pay and then come back out. know i’ll let ‘chu make it up to me, a’ight?”

it was like a reverse walk of shame — explaining to her friends why she was leaving early and why she was covering the whole tab. walking back out with her purse on her arm as the familiar rumble of his truck approached, petulant in the way her arms were crossed. he pulled up right before her, rolling down the passenger window and smiling in that frustratingly charming way. dickhead.

she hung up with a guffaw, not believing he actually showed up when she was hanging with her friends. the possessive gesture makes her heart jump then fall. very boyfriend of him.

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

“oh, that’s how you talk to someone who just paid for your lunch? get in.”

she scoffed, amused at his gall. even more so at the fact she listened — shoes clacking against the pavement. rafe leaned over the console, opening the door for her. he looks good and smells better. that cologne she bought him for his birthday last year that he seems to be wearing a lot recently. an intoxicating smell that makes her feel drunker.

a plaid button up, rolled up to the elbow and exposing strong, veiny arms causes her mind to wander as he leans closer to her.

“hey, gorgeous,” that low drawl sends goosebumps over her body, paired with a half smile that’s so pretty.

comfortable in the seat she’s become so familiar with, he closes the gap between them. giving her a kiss so casual and natural, it makes her fluffy lashes flutter rapidly. sticky gloss transfered on his mouth that he doesn’t even wipe away.

she’s even more confused when flowers are thrusted into her arms. princess blinks at him like a fish — feeling a warmth settle in her chest at the sight of her favorite blooms wrapped haphazardly in brown paper.

“they, uh— they were in this ugly fuckin’ plastic. know you hate that so… yeah,” rafe shrugs it off as he pulls out of the parking lot.

princess decides this is technically a kidnapping. especially because she’s never been more confused and lost in her life.

he leans back in the seat, driving with one hand lazily, confidently. a glimpse of blue eyes at her and she’s smiling wildly, bringing the flowers to her nose to smell them. princess leans over and kisses his cheek, feeling drunker on the moment and smell of his skin.

“i— thank you, rafey…”

rafe takes notice of how small her voice is, how vulnerable. he nods, switching hands to rest one on her leg. large, warm palm soothing her and pulling her out of her mind before she can even begin to cause herself to spiral.

he clears his throat, squeezing the plush, smooth skin of her thigh, “cowgirl.”

her furrowed brow is adorable. looking up from the bouquet in her lap and over at him in question. there’s a drunken slowness to her, a haze. he hums and pushes his hand higher — marking a mental note of how easily her legs spread to make room for him.

“that’s what position imma have you in.”

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the-maid-of-witchwood · 19 days ago

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Gimme your favourite au ideas and who you'd throw into them (or like one au idea you like because you have like the neatest ideas)

Again, I’m gonna pull out a list of AUs I have previously written because I’m way too prepared for this.

Carrie AU 2.0

Has no relation to the first beyond being another play on Carrie. The whole thing takes place at the Starlight Theatre where Ruth ends up playing the lead in Cinderella’s Castle. Zoey, pissed and bitter about playing second fiddle to some dorky soprano, just decides to trash her opening night. Or the one where Zoey takes method acting as the Stepmother too far. (If you’ve seen CC, you’ll know what I’m hinting at). Ruth snaps and wipes out half of Hatchetfield before curtain call.

Also Lautity are here just flirting in the background the entire time. Like, they are the only survivors because they thought the other looked good in this hot all done up and left to make out.

Cinderella’s Castle

The one where Stephanie doesn’t have a good time. I’ve already spoken about it on here but it’s essentially the plot of CC but set in Hatchetfield, with some of the lore weaved in. Just for fun and angst. So you know she’s being dragged through that ringer.

Corpse Bride

Pete is Victor, Grace is Victoria, Steph is Emily. Need I say more?

Crossed Timelines

Having been killed by Max, Ruth and Richie wake up in some random location with Pete, Steph and Grace. But it’s not their Pete, Steph and Grace. It’s the ones from another universe where Max killed them three instead of Ruth and Richie. Basically everyone argues who had it worst and trauma bonds. Essentially reincarnation.

Dæmons (His Dark Materials)

Just shenanigans involving everyone having dæmons. That’s it. Mainly fluff and chaos.

Dirty Dudes Must Die

Written as a mock Nightmare Time episode. Essentially follows Steph discovering the guys at school being shitty to Grace, the school refusing to do anything, Grace getting kicked out of home for ‘sleeping around’ and subsequently her deciding to take revenge. Only things go horribly wrong and she ends up with four bodies on her hands. Fortunately the nerds who keep getting in the way are more than happy to help.

Hatchet Swung the Other Way

Gabe is the bully and everything changes. Not really. Essentially just a role swap: the cool kids are now the losers and vice versa, Gabe - Max, Grace - Steph, Steph - Pete, and so on and so forth. Potentially might take place at Abstinence Camp.

Heathers

When Richie said he hated Stephanie Lauter and wanted her dead, he didn’t mean it literally. Would be nice if Max knew that. Also it’s totally unfair that he has to put up with her annoying ghost instead of Max when it wasn’t even his fault she was stupid enough to drink drain cleaner in the first place—

Ride the Cyclone Tearjerker

Six teenagers die at Watcher World. However, Miss Holloway refuses to let Blinky torture all of them - so they reach a deal, she can bring one back to life. However, rather than pick herself, she leaves the decision to the teenagers. Aka, Ruth lets out her inner theatre kid for an hour and a bit; Steph and Richie attempt to kill each other a second time; Grace has a mental breakdown/crisis of faith in the corner; Pete is literally the only ‘normal’ one; and Max honestly doesn’t know why he’s here.

Sail Away to Canada

An alternative NPMD ending where they do actually sail away to Canada and get new identities. A lot more slice of life and silly scenarios of them trying to remain undercover… until Solomon drags them back to deal with the mess (Max’s ghost) they left behind. Only there’s one issue: Grace may or may not have lost the winning card of her chastity to Lautski and they might have to aggressively play Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who’s taking the bullet.

Something Fun, Something Tasty

Another alternative NPMD ending where Steph’s sacrifice isn’t the death of what she cherishes most, but they’re humanity. Pete and Grace struggle to adapt to their new life as… whatever the heck they are now. Monsters? Pets? Vessels? Steph just feels incredibly guilty; she’s also kinda the new Miss Holloway.

Take a Walk in My Shoes

Steph and Grace wake up in each other’s bodies in what they think is just a random nightmare. With the help of Pete, they slowly uncover that there’s something a lot more sinister going on at Abstinence Camp. And maybe a certain deal that was stuck between Mayor Lauter and the Jerries over a black book…

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

Essentially TGWDLM but Pete is Paul. And he has the unfortunate fate of losing one girlfriend to the apocalypse, while trying to escape with the other. This definitely isn’t something that’ll be used against him in the final act…

#mari’s asks

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bloggerspam · 16 days ago

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Cousins, Clones and Conning the Family

Family Reunion AU, where cousins Maddie and Clark try to smuggle their clone children into the family reunion that happens every 5 years and pretend they've been there the whole time.

Spoiler alert, one of them does significantly better than the other. Mainly Kid POV, and also on AO3! Multichapter. ===

The problem with big family reunions, Danny thinks, is how utterly fucking lost Danny is all the gosh dang time.

"Well now, you're Maddie's son now ain'tcha? How old is you now?" The woman standing before him guffaws, ruffling his hair. He lets it, trying desperately to remember the speadsheet Jazz created for the family and (obviously) failing to recall this woman's name.

Agatha? Selene? Riri? No, Aunt Riri is over there—

"Yes ma'am," Danny smiles up at the unnamed aunt, accent going a little twangy like it always does at these functions, "I'll be hittin' 17 in a coupl'a months or so."

"My, my, you youngin's sure grow like weeds!" The aunt coos, gesturing to a height by her hip, "You used to be this tall last time I saw ya, betcha don't r'member me now do ya?"

It's a trap. If he says he doesn't remember, which is expected at reunions such as these that happen every 5 years or longer, she'll start going on and on about the stories she has of the family. Danny would have to stand here and demure and laugh at these cousins he doesn't really remember too well, but know enough to know that she's gotten them all mixed up.

"Pshaw," Danny doesn't react when a whisper breathes the answer into his ear, "I'd never forget a pretty lady like you, Aunt Helena!"

It works like a charm.

The second he's out of her clutches, he feels around for a cold spot. There, trailing just behind him, is Ellie. She's not invisible anymore, so he tucks her under his arm and bee-lines it towards the metaphorical kid's table.

"Thanks, Ellie. Weren't you supposed to stay with Dad?" Danny leads them around, trying to avoid any other mishaps. "Did Jazz send you?"

"She made me flashcards!" Ellie smirks up at him, ignoring his other question and pulling a corner of an index card out from the palm of her hand. She's always been better than him at manipulating the ecto in her body, for obvious reasons. Danny's not bitter about it at all.

"Damn, all I got was a presentation." Danny grumbles. Jazz and Dad somehow know every single one of their family members, which is ludicrous when even Mom doesn't know despite it being her side of the family.

He still can't really believe how big his family actually is, but he supposes that's natural. He only sees them once every couple of years, the only relative they see even on a remotely regular basis is Aunt Alicia, who has no kids and refuses (rightfully so) to remarry.

Danny's fine with that, he gets the best of both worlds after all. Cozy holiday stays with Aunt Alicia and he has places to stay all over the country if he really needs it, no questions asked.

Plus, crazy as they can be, these reunions have always felt like a big country festival for Danny.

"She likes me better." Ellie snickers, tugging him back to avoid Uncle Charlie's drunken stumbling.

"Everyone likes you better," Danny rolls his eyes, pushing Ellie's head down and ducking to avoid a stray kid's toy flying overhead, "I like you better."

As if somehow knowing Danny's being self deprecating again, Jazz shows up to smack him on the head. "I like both of you equally in special ways."

Danny makes a disgruntled noise, grumbling as he rubs his head, "Mooooom, Jazz is therapizing me again!"

Even though he was only half joking, Mom does show up specifically to laugh at him. "Honey, your father and I love all our children equally!"

"It's a secret," Dad says from behind Jazz, kids climbing all over him, "But Ellie's the favorite!"

"Jack!" Mom yells at the same time Jazz screams, "Dad!"

Ellie dissolves into giggles, making everyone but Dad helplessly laugh. It's good to see Ellie laugh, she does it a lot but it still doesn't feel like it's enough. Danny picks her up, giggling mess and all, and tosses her at Dad.

She lands, as expected, straight into the pile of children who scream and accept her easily.

"Nice." Jazz chuckles, this time patting him gently on his head in approval. Danny shrugs, dusting his hands off and heading back towards salvation: the food.

He and Jazz mingle a bit, exchanging greetings and school updates with the Aunts and Uncles they occasionally bump into, making their way slowly through and keeping an eye out for the other cousins.

Eventually, Jazz gets nabbed by Cousin Dermot just as Danny reaches the table, tossing a pig-in-a-blanket into his mouth and chewing with glee. The locals of the family usually something potluck style—and though Dad's genes are strong and the Fentons can't cook, the bulk of the Walker family definitely can.

In fact—Great Aunt Martha said she was going to bring some mini pies right?

Danny spies a pile of them in the middle of the large table and reaches for one, only to bump into the spikes of black fingerless gloves.

The gloves are, of course, attached to someone else.

It's a boy, around Danny's age, in a spiked leather jacket (matching the gloves) and white tee shirt with ripped jeans. He's got the tiniest John Lennon sunglasses and piercings everywhere—it makes Danny squint at him, with how much the sun keeps catching on everything—the spikes, the piercings, the metal arms of the sunglasses, is this dude also wearing lipgloss?

Danny's not judging, a guy can appreciate proper hydration to avoid chapped lips or even just for the aesthetic, but it doesn't help with the glare.

"Sorry, my bad." Right, okay, city slicker then. Not that Danny's much of a country boy or anything. "Did my spikes get you?"

Maybe Cousin Jenny brought a plus one? Danny eyes the guys jeans—they look tight. Was Cousin Mark into guys? Is this dude a guy or possibly a masculine girl? Ack. Stupid sun frying his brain.

"It's okay," Danny says, blinking away and tossing mini pie to the other person. "Aunt Martha's pies are worth the minor injury. You comin' in with one of the cousins?"

"Uh, yeah." Citypunk looks at Danny nervously, "I mean, I am one of the cousins." The guy bites his lips, shrugging, "Uh, one of the Kents, actually. Ma's real proud of the pies."

Danny blinks.

"…You're not Jon." Danny says, very carefully and slowly.

"…No…" Stranger Danger draws his vowels out, "I'm Conner. His, uh, older brother? Can't blame ya for being confused though!"

"…You can't." Danny agrees, because out of the two them, Danny definitely isn't to blame for the confusion.

"Yeah, lots of cousins, and all," Curiouser and Curiouser beams at Danny, shrugging and rubbing the back of his neck, "Plus, I know Jon's more sociable at these things."

"Right, he really is rambunctious, that guy." Danny nods, as if that's the problem, and not the fact that Danny knows every single cousin his age. Big as his family might be, Danny's generation came out the smallest. Cousin Jenny and Cousin Mark are the only two his age.

With Ellie and Jazz each being four years younger and older than Danny, and the other cousins being well beyond those ages in gaps, there is no way this guy is a cousin.

"Don't worry," Punk'd laughs self deprecatingly, "I know he's the favorite. even if Mom won't admit it."

Danny feels a vein throb in his right temple.

He's unsure if he should slowly back away or get up in the guy's face. It's just—now that Danny thinks about it, if wedding crashing is a thing, does that mean family reunion crashing is a thing too?

What's the protocol here? Should he fight this guy for having the audacity to use Great Aunt Martha's name in vein?

Wait, no, that's Jesus.

Is Great Aunt Martha Catholic? ...Is that the one with Jesus, or was that Christianity?

Wait, Danny, you knuckle head, Uncle Clark was adopted. Conner could be adopted too! Even though he looks exactly like that Uncle Clark when he was younger…

"Is this your first time at a reunion?" Danny ventures, "We only have 'em—"

"Every 5 years, yeah." Conner huffs, "Nah, I just used to hide with Ma in the kitchens."

Okay, clearly Great Aunt Martha isn't in on this, because Danny used to hide with Great Aunt Martha in the kitchens. Danny's about to lose his shit on this guy—or maybe sic Ellie on him. Whichever is worse.

"Oh yeah? That's must have been cozy." Danny grits out, taking a deep breath so his eyes don't flash.

"Yeah, it was!" Conner beams shyly. though all Danny sees is a smug smirk. "She's real nice-like, I'm sure you know. Real lucky to have her for a Grandma."

"Real lucky." Danny agrees, because Great Aunt Martha really was one of the better Great Aunts. Though most of the Walker Kin were hardy and tough, in that badass kind of way. Mom really liked Great Aunt Martha's lessons on bull wranglin' back when they were younger. "Speakin' of, she ain't here?"

"Nah," Conner makes a sad little pout. "She hadta stop by Auntie Agatha's for an emergency. She left two days ago, so she's runnin' a little behind. Cl—Dad went to go pick her up."

Danny squints at the possible imposter. That sounded like he was going to call Uncle Clark by his name, which makes things confusing for Danny. Guy will call Aunt Lois Mom but he won't call Uncle Clark Dad easily? Maybe he's a kid Aunt Lois had before marrying Uncle Clark? But Aunt Lois would never hide a kid, and Great Aunt Martha would never let her treat a kid like that. That's not even taking into account that this kid looks way too much like Uncle Clark for it to be a fucking coincidence. Plus, Danny knew about Aunt Aggie's emergency and how she might not be making it to this year's reunion—this gives Conner's story credibility.

But Danny knows that the best way to lie is with truths, even if the truths are confusing.

So what the hell is going on? Is Clockwork fucking with him? Did an alternate timeline get switched with his?

It wouldn't be the first time, but Clockwork at least had the decency to let him know at least.

"What the—" Danny blinks, as Conner picks up a very familiar, eye-searingly green colored post it note that was stuck to the plate under a mini pie. "Is this yours?"

"Yeah," Danny huffs. taking the note and rolling his eyes as lies roll off his tongue, "Sorry, y'know how it goes with Jazz."

"Oh, yeah." And Danny has to give it Conner, he at least rolls with the punches real quick, "I heard about it but didn't ever uh, see it in action."

"Really?" Danny feigns surprise, head pulsing in irritation at the words all is as it should be written in purple pen. There's no mocking smiley face, but Danny feels it in the ink anyway. "Thought she got all the cousins at the last reunion."

Conner chuckles nervously, "Oh, yeah—Guess I'm just, easy to miss you know?"

"Uh huh…" Danny eyes the guy and his piercings and very distinct style, from the tip of his clearly styled hair and needlessly ostentatious big black studded boots. "…Right."

Conner laughs, wincing. "These're new. High school debut."

"…You're a freshman?" Danny tilts his head, squinting.

"Junior." Conner automatically corrects, before stiffening. "…I just wanted to reinvent myself for Junior Prom."

"Right." Danny repeats, drawing out the vowels and finally giving up. He can tell Conner already knows what Danny is going to ask, and is trying to exit this conversation post-haste.

Fortunately for Conner and unfortunately for Danny, Jazz comes barreling in, almost knocking the former out in the process as she grips the latter's biceps tightly with her eyes wide and nervous.

Unfortunately for Conner and fortunately for Danny, though the look in Jazz's eyes thoroughly distracts the latter and gives the former a window to escape, Jazz's hissed out words end up keeping Conner rooted to the floor.

"Baby Jon has powers!" Jazz hisses as she moves Danny away from the possible imposter a couple feet. Even though she says it low enough for only Danny to hear, Conner's wide eyes as he whips his gaze towards them suggests that Jon's not the only one with powers.

And then words actually register along with that thought.

Danny hisses out the first thing he thinks of. "Since when?? I thought he took after Aunt Lois!"

"Since now," Jazz gruffs, switching her grip to drag Danny away, "and I need you to do something about it!"

"What?" Danny doesn't struggle, going along even as he eyes Conner who seems to be following them at a distance. "Why?"

Jazz pushes him towards the kid's area, rushing out a frantic "He's in the bounce house with Ellie!"

Danny freezes, or tries to even as Jazz keeps tugging him along, before shaking off her hand and booking it towards the bounce house.

Once the bounce house (a castle) comes into view, Danny clocks several things in succession:

One: Ellie and Jon are thankfully the only ones in the bounce house right now.

Two: Ellie and Jon are laughing, and through the mesh Danny can see Ellie watching Jon jump way too high to be considered normal.

And three: The bounce house is about to fucking tip over.

There's a gaggle of Aunts herding the younger cousins towards the food that's dense enough for cover, but sparse enough for Danny to dash through.

Between one blink and the next, he disappears.

#here we go again #the fentons and kents are branch families of a giant family #martha kent is maddie's aunt #good parents jack and maddie #danny phantom #my writing #dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #kon el kent #jazz fenton #ellie fenton

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