#OK I MEAN VRISKA AND KANAYA ISNT *THAT* BAD

[scaredgirlsilly]

Homestuck character who doesn't get enough love?

i have been stalking this ask, formulating my plan of attack, jumping from branch to branch of the canopy of trees, waiting for the perfect moment.

and that moment has finally come

spoilers for homestuck (merp. if you read this ill explode you with my mind im sorry im doing this but it has spoilers for all of homestuck so you arent allowed to read this JDKSKFJSH)

my answer is jade. am i biased?? absolutely!! but thats A Whole Thing so im gonna give some runner ups first before i get into all that

jake prob like idk whenever i see him in stuff its always either with dirk (and usually focuses on dirk kr their relationship) or its a family photo of john, jade, jane, and jake. but like. idk i dont think many people *get* what hes about (me included) but hes a great character and literally soooo aro coded its not even funny. i really should rotate jake in my brain more hes a very cool character

jane too theres some love for jane but i think the epilogues kinda fucked her

the dancestors too, but idk im not a huge dancestor fan cause they are all kinda assholes and the scene with cronus and mituna just makes my skin crawl

but ok BACK TO JADE

i think there are different aspects (most of them probably unrelated to what you untended for the question) that she doesnt get enough love, but lets start with what you were probably talking about, which is

how jade is treated by the fans

i think jade gets a fair amount of fan love. i mean just look at her!! who couldnt love her?? my main problem comes from how she compares to dave, specifically the fact that fans seem to apply an absolutely monstrous depth to daves character that isnt necessarily there in homestuck (like specificallyin regards to angst readings of his character. this is about fanfiction i should say that this is just my grievances when it comes to finding good jade fics). THATS NOT A BAD THING!! i fuckin love it actually and im not raggin on dave with this. its just that i think jade could do that as good if not better!! her life is fuckin dogshit if you treat it seriously, much like people do with daves life, and considering the fact that nearly every single fuckin dave fic i read touches on that topic, it sucks that jade fics like that are so hard to come by. she also doesnt have as many like prominent ships. theres some obv ones, like davepetasprite, or dave/karkat in a throuple (we will fucking get to that later), but yk some of the other characters even uf they dont have canon relationships, they have like. obvious ones yk. like john/vriska or john/terezi or june/rose or john/dave (fuckin j egbert gettin around kfhskshdh) or like jake/dirk or roxy/callie yk ships like those. whether you agree with em is one thing but they are obvious yk you dont gotta do alot of convincing to see them at least try it out.

but with jade, it feels like you gotta stretch it a little to get her with anyone. jade/rose is great (especially jade/rose/kanaya) but. i mean jade and rose barely talk in homestuck proper (we will GET TO IT) so its kinda a hard sell. and does jade like interact with any of the trolls alot?? like idk its been a while but im p sure most of her interactions with the trolls were negative. so that just leaves jade/davepeta which is a pretty good ship i will say, and of course, jade/dave ( + karkat sometimes) and it kinda sucks. like one of my fav ships, jade/vriska, literally started out as a joke!! but it grew on me when i started thinking out it, but it is already such a stretch that theres no fuckin way most people will see what i see (thats a whole seperate rant jdhsjdjsj this is already long enough and we have 3 other parts to get to)

SPEAKING OF THE OTHER PARTS!!

next part, prob the easiest,

jades treatment in the epilogues

do i even need to say anything??

this post is long enough ill try to speed through the other sections

NEXT PART!!

how she is treated in homestuck proper in the text (what literally happens to her)

literally lonliest girl alive has one day with her friends (that day is filled with horrible shit and thats the understatement of the century) before getting on a ship for 3 years, and like a week in having her brother and other friend die. she then lives in this ship in the middle of space, no contact to any of her other friends, no update on whats actually going on, just the company of the consorts and nanna sprite. she finally gets to the new session, meets god tier calliope who explains that that was all supposed to happen and john actually fixed everything, and also space players are just lonely thats just apart of the aspect :/

she then gets put to sleep so the condesce doesnt control her, where she misses all of the socialization that the other people have on the platform before the final fight.

she then has a convo with davepeta while she is dreaming where davepeta says "actually in the other timeline we dated and that stuff still happened to you cause of this thing called an Ultimate Self, a thing thats totally real and not at all bullshit. anyways bye!! *muah*"

she wakes up, chases a few god dogs around, gets puched in the face, and the end happily ever after!!!!!!!!

now obv this was an extremely bitter retelling and i actually cant seperate the 2 sections so this is also...

how jade is treated in homestuck proper, by andrew hussie

now. jade got ROYALLY fucked over. she started out as a mysterious figure that knows more than anyone, but extremely quickly she goes to the person who knows the least out of literally anyone. she barely talks to rose, seemingly one of her 4 childhood friends, throughout the whole comic (jade and rose say about 2700 words to each other over 5 conversations, one of them being a repeat from the others perspective. their longest convo is 571 words. for reference, this convo between dave karkat and john has 2100 words. almost 1500 words more than their longest convo and almost as much words as rose and jades entire convo history. heres a link to da sourse i used cause no way im counting that shit jdjsgsjshs tho they are doing it cause they dont like jade/rose or sumn?? idk i dont fucking care about that. anyways side tangent over!!)

SHE DOESNT EVEN WNTER THE GAME TILL ACT 5 ACT 2!!!!!!!! AFTER WE SEE THE ENTIRE TROLL SESSION!!!!!!!!

then, during the session idk shes cool i dont remember it much cause the beta kids session is a surprisingly short part of the comic jdkshdjshs but she has some cool moments and i love her ^u^

then the yellow yard. god. just fucking left there alone. why?? the entire point of johnfix is that the session could be changed for the better without worry of a doomed timeline. couldnt have even made john give her a heads up as to why her john and davesprite just fucking die randomly?? (before you say that john couldnt have cause he didnt know, motherfucker andrew hussie knew!!!!!!!! he could have just made some fuckin reason for john to know its not that hard)

then during the session she just gets ranted to about how actually its all apart of the plan and this was supposed to be this way and she just goes ":P okie dokie" and moves on like that wouldnt FUCKING KILL HER THAT SHE HAD TO BE ROYALLY FUCKED OVER FOR EVERYTHING TO GO RIGHT.

now obv theres an explanation why her role in the final fight is so passive. shes too op. she combined with bec and is a space player (and is shown using those powers to do some pretty bad ass stuff jfjsgsjdhd). thats fair i guess. im just salty that the way to solve that was to literally put her to sleep for most of it, then go fly around with some dogs and get punched in the face.

now. the rant is kinda over. jade i think is the most slept on character, but specifically she is slept on by one person. andrew hussie. i think that andrew hussie did not explore jades character like he did with other characters. i do not know why. im going to try to not act like i know why he did it (god its so hard HDKSKDHAGDJ). this rsnt is pure salt, pure fuckin cope, i am aware. this is not meant to be objective i just really like and relate to jade and wish she got more love in the work itself. but instead, i must dine on the scraps she gets on fuckin ao3 (did you know there are almost as many davekat fics as there are fics where jade is in it at all?? and thats not even including the fact that alot of the jade fics, shes not the main person. im not mad 🙃🙃)

anyways uhhhh sorry this probably wasnt what you were expecting 😭😭😭😭 i just have alot of incoherent thoughts when it comes to jade and homestuck in general. so uhhhh. THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!!!!!!

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #7: a5a2 part 3

this is so fucked up.

but hey check it out. vriska went goat mode

okayyy merry christmas and happy new year to everyone reading. never too late for a happy new year

look at roseee shes serving so hard rn. but unfortunately she is talking to doc scratch. which is something one should never do. especially if one is a light player he really loves to torment light players for some reason

look at how cool jade looks here i would wear the shit out of this outfit if it wasnt approx. 1 trillion degrees in my location. keep slaying girl

what a thing to say. i know what he is talking about and yet i still barely understood what he meant

yeah WHATEVER . most important character my ass. we dont care . booooo. boo

why is jade sprite so sad shes being such a cry baby. honestly normal jade is based for this. jade sprite is just crying and crying for NO REASON. what is even the problem!!!!!

very fucking interesting indeed.... what a funny thing to say. that is VERY FUCKING interesting......

woah he looks so cool i love art i love images. also he looks like has the windows logo on his face... sponsored? hello?

okay so i guess the mayor is having a bad dream. this is pretty scary man... i wonder if its like the ring that he has affecting him in some way. i dont know what it means....

oh? vriska is here now

dawwww shes so EEPY!!! that being said, the next page is [s] wake, and i really fucking hate this one. so im NOT EXCITED.

ARADIA!!!! SHE DID IT!!!! im so happy for her and nothing else happens in this animation so i might as well not watch the rest of it

:(

sigh. man this sucks

look at jade go. she looks so awesome! like a super hero. iron man. tony stark . stucky. i could do this all day . blargh

ok so now im playing another game thing. kanaya and jade just had a conversation about how they have the same role in the two different sessions and how theyre more similar than they thought. also theres some future jade present karkat past jade password shenanigans going on. i loooove when time travel makes no sense and is super confusing. that isnt sarcasm btw. and that wasnt either. also, they updated the sprites in this one so they look way better and sweeeeeeeet. that was 8 e's btw. she isnt even here to appreciate my efforts.....

this is like scott pilgrim to me. theyre about to go at it!!!! who you guys got money on? me personally i bet sollux 3-0s him and doesnt lose a stock

easter egg

anyway yeah guys i was just kidding sollux was no match for eridans insane hope powers. really wasnt even fair to begin with

yeah and now eridan snaps and becomes an incel. sadge. why do people even like this guy?? WHATEVER HES MID HOPE HE DIES SOON RIP BOZO

my honest reaction to eridan to only knocking out the guy he had an actual problem with, but killing two women who he liked and respected

on top of that, gamzee has officially lost it. MAN EVERYTHING IS FUCKING SPIRALING MAN TAVROS IS DEAD KANAYAS DEAD FEFERIS DEAD SOLLUX IS KO'D GAMZEES CRAZY. surely nothing else goes wrong

yeah

karkat....:(

oh.....hey john....nice to see you..... maybe you can lift my mood a little...

STOP CALLING WOMEN CRAZY. even if this one might be a little crazy .. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT

ALALALALLALAAL thats what vriska looks like shes saying. do you see it i see it personally

man now i gotta be equius in this game. lets see how this goes...

SHES SO REAL I LOVE HER. nothing bad will ever happen to her

okay well i reached the end of the game and also the image limit for this post. so ill continue this next time. but i just gotta say

that it was actually pretty good. like go figure the equius one was pretty engaging. equius is very protective of nepeta and it was very sad when he was like "let me take this chance to say goodbye" and nepeta was like "um okay but i will see you soon." like. yeah i guess you will.... :(

i actually liked both of them in this one isolated game . sad for whats gonna happen in the coming pages

[pesterloglog]

Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Swifer Eggmop

Candy, page 8

ROSE: Did you hear that Jane had been intending to run for president?

KANAYA: Yes She In Fact Asked Me To Serve A Position In Her Cabinet

KANAYA: On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction”

ROSE: Oh dear. What did you tell her?

KANAYA: Well Not In So Many Words

KANAYA: But I Told Her To Kindly Fuck Off

ROSE: That bad, huh?

KANAYA: She Was Already Talking About Regulating Troll Reproduction

KANAYA: With Great Confidence I Might Add As If She Had Already Been Elected

ROSE: Very presumptuous of her.

KANAYA: Well I Suppose Her Confidence Was Not Unearned

KANAYA: Who Was Going To Run Against Her

KANAYA: Karkat?

ROSE: I don’t think Karkat would be such a bad candidate actually. Depending on certain factors I mean.

ROSE: I’m assuming that in this theoretical scenario, Dave is handling the economy.

KANAYA: Oh Of Course

ROSE: Ok. In that case it might have all worked out in the end.

KANAYA: Doubtlessly

KANAYA: I Have Great Faith In Karkat And Always Have

KANAYA: However I Also Am Not Certain That He Could Step Out Of His Hive Without Catching On Fi–

KANAYA: Swifer Could You Not Swiff The Mother Grub So Vigorously

SWIFER: Oh, sorry ma’am!

SWIFER: Just tryin’ to get her nice and clean! I heard the New Prospit Hornographer’s coming by later to scope out some pics!

ROSE: What’s this about the Hornographer?

ROSE: Since when has the press taken in interest in our activities down here?

KANAYA: Oh Yes You Were Busy Dying When I Set All Of That Up

KANAYA: The Mother Grub Is Mature Enough This Year To Process Inseminated Slurry For The First Time In Our History

KANAYA: If The Government Gives Us The Go Ahead We Can Begin Breeding Trolls The Natural Way Next Month

KANAYA: I Arranged The Newspaper Story When...

ROSE: When Jane asked you to sit on the “Board for Responsible Troll Reproduction”?

KANAYA: Yes The First Thing I Did Immediately After Screaming Into A Pillow Was To Call My Acquaintance At The Paper

KANAYA: Now That She Isnt Running It Doesnt Seem Very Important However

KANAYA: Actually Im Not Terribly Interested In Politics At All

KANAYA: Without Anger Motivating Me I Began To Think About How Its Probably Very Irresponsible For Any Of Us To Use Our Influence In Such A Way

ROSE: I agree. In fact, I’d just assumed that most of us had arrived at such a conclusion.

KANAYA: Not Jane Apparently

ROSE: Or Dave, I’m sorry to say.

KANAYA: Well Whatever Inconvenient Party Ruining Opinions Dave and Jane Might Have About The Economic Future Of Our Planet Its All In The Past

KANAYA: I Have A Very Good Feeling About Where Things Are Going Now

ROSE: I see. So are you the Seer now?

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: But I Can Make Predictions Based On Existing Evidence

KANAYA: And If I Can Spend Every Day Like This Doing The Work That I Was Born To Do With The Person I Am Most Fond Of In The World By My Side

KANAYA: I Believe That I Can Handle Anything

ROSE: Hmm... Did you really use dialogue like that to win my heart, or are we getting complacent and incredibly uncool in our old age?

KANAYA: I Convinced You To Marry Me I Dont Think That I Am Obligated To Be Cool Anymore

ROSE: Kanaya, you’re the “coolest chick” I know.

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: Are You Doing With Your Hands

ROSE: Oh, you know. Just one of these...

KANAYA: Please Dont Tell Me Youre Attempting To Do The Strider Thing

KANAYA: That Thing He Does Where He Pretends To Operate An Invisible Record Player

ROSE: B)

KANAYA: God

ROSE: Who’s the cool one now?

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: It Sure Isnt You

SWIFER: Ma’am and Ma’am’s wife! Bank’s closed, ladies!

SWIFER: The first egg is hatchin’ already!

SWIFER: Golly gee oh my. This part always makes me tear up.

KANAYA: Rose Look

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Vriska?

KANAYA: Pretty Close

KANAYA: A Reasonable Genetic Approximation

KANAYA: This Brood Has Been Utilizing A Slurry Consisting Of Genes From Our Original Group Of Twelve Trolls

KANAYA: Mostly This Results In Unique Individuals

KANAYA: But Sometimes Very Close Copies Occur

KANAYA: As With The case Of Ancestral Descendancy

ROSE: So... Vriska would be this troll’s ancestor?

KANAYA: Yes

ROSE: Wow.

KANAYA: Rose I Think This Is A Sign

ROSE: A sign of what?

KANAYA: Havent We Been Talking About Adopting A Grub

ROSE: Eventually, yes. But a natural-born grub. Don’t you think it will be somewhat... awkward, us raising a clone of your sort-of ex?

ROSE: What happens when Vriska comes back? What do we say to her?

KANAYA: Rose Vriska Is Dead So It Doesnt Really Matter

ROSE: Is she dead, though?

KANAYA: Absolutely

KANAYA: There Are Two Things Of Which I Have No Doubt

KANAYA: That You And I Are Going To Be Happy For The Rest Of Our Lives

KANAYA: And That We Are Never Ever Going To See Vriska Again

ROSE: Oh Kanaya, you’re right.

ROSE: We are going to be so astonishingly happy!

[macklives]

GAHKDHKAHD CRUSH???? CRUSH???????

[insertdisc5]

homestuck epilogues stuff

thoughts about the homestuck epilogues, as in, spoilers and theories and things ive noticed by reading it over twice and talking with friend @kravicle while they were reading

this is just a list of theories me and krav came up with ok. also stuff u might not pick up in only one read? we’re just spitballing here 

MEAT AND CANDY TEREZI ARE PROBABLY ONE AND THE SAME

> just didnt see proof they weren't the same lmao, we only get john+terezi's messages from both timelines and she could have gotten messages from both meat!john and candy!john

>time is fucked on her end also so (shrugs)

>(terezi meeting meat!john) "something else is different about him. different, somehow, from how she thought he’d be when she imagined they’d next meet. under all the gore, he smells... too fresh."

>TEREZI: HMMM

TEREZI: YOU SM3LL OLD3R

TEREZI: BUT NOT 4S OLD 4S 1 THOUGHT YOUD B3

JOHN: what does that mean?

TEREZI: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T

>"In multiple realities, all [John] wanted for her was this. To be home safe, with all their friends. And now that she’s here, she’s lost."

> (meeting Meat!roxy) "Terezi’s head is filled with stories about a different version of Roxy—the polar opposite of the one standing in front of her."

DIRK’S PLAN PART 1 (free will)

>maybe plans to get Actual Free Will thru ultimate godhood??? also explains why he feels okay with removing free will from his friends- for him, this isnt real free will anyway?

>(dirk talking about kanaya) "What WAS she thinking? What are any of us thinking, really? Who’s doing the thinking, and who’s having the thoughts?

The more you study the question, the more it seems all concrete forms of accountability go up in smoke. Her original thoughts were never that important, and the significance of the idea that she was the one authoring them was always a bit overrated. My mission is to someday clear this all up for everyone. Remove the ambiguity, suck the mud out of the water. It’ll be a lot better that way, trust me."

>to old callie, dirk's plan "[john’s] ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality."

>although narrator callie thinks this world has some sort of actual free will. says "[john should kiss terezi etc]. it’s wrong to contradict one’s true thoughts and feelings. irrational. unbecoming of an existence governed by free will."

>his plan to give everyone/ultimate gods “free will” will end up destroying canon????

DIRK’S PLAN PART 2 (complacency of the learned, ultimate self)

>complacency of the learned, 12 people attaining ultimate knowledge (=ultimate self), and turning "either insane or evil"

> (candy ending, rose’s POV) "The thoughts in her powerful brain race. What will they name the planet? How long will it take for the ship to arrive? Once the new race has established an advanced enough civilization thousands of years from now, who will the lucky kids be? The ones who get the chance to play what will arguably be the most important session in the history of Sburb?" 

>finding more people to attain ultimate godhood???

>dirk asks terezi to come with him and rose at the end of meat, along with john's body (implied that she did accept-callie!jade points and dave thinks she points both to dirk+rose and john+terezi, callie doesnt prove him otherwise)

>dirk wants 12 ultimate gods for each aspect????

>"If your perception expands beyond the meat sack of your body, then are you really an individual anymore? Why shouldn’t we become gods? Why shouldn’t we become one God."

- (callie speaking) "[John] is simply being barred from ignoring his true thoughts. even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life."

>callie is probably an ultimate god, terezi should be?? with rem8mb8r?

DIRK’S NARRATOR STUFF

>dirk probably doesnt know hes in a story/that he has an audience (us) "How can I respect a fucking pronoun when nobody can even hear me?”

>does dirk control people by using you-ness? using 2nd person to control, 3rd person to narrate?

>”JADE: and where there is an identity, there can also be an agenda.”

CANDY TIMELINE STUFF

>part of the black hole, a utopia, place removed from reality/canon in some way??? WEIRDO DREAM BUBBLE????

>cut off from canon in some way- dirk and rose cant get to ultimate godhood anymore, john cant use retcon powers

>candy!john mentions multiple times he doesnt think of him and his friends as "real"

>sky in candy!timeline described as more vibrant (VS pre-sburb being described as muted)

>candy!karkat talking to sollux and probably being foreshadowing without knowing: “KARKAT: I THOUGHT THAT YOU TWO LITERALLY DIDN’T EXIST ANYMORE! KARKAT: OR AT THE VERY LEAST WERE TRAPPED IN A DEAD UNIVERSE PERPETUALLY COLLAPSING INTO ITS OWN ASSHOLE.”

>CALLIOPE: we’re all going to be very, very happy. I trUly believe that. ^u^ 

>ROSE: Oh Kanaya, you’re right.

ROSE: We are going to be so astonishingly happy!

>ROXY: omg

ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

>Dirk in Meat: "Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection."

>end of meat!callie can see into candy!timeline ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

>obama’s here. god i need a minute

>dirk told gamzee something??? 

“DAVE: wheres dirk

GAMZEE: tHeRe’S nO nEeD tO wOrRy AbOuT hIm. :o)

GAMZEE: YoU’rE gOnNa GeT wHaT’s BeSt FoR yOu. He ToLd Me ThAt, AnD i’M gOnNa MaKe SuRe HiS wIsH mAkEs LiKe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE aNd GeTs TrUe.

[...]

GAMZEE: YoU dOn’T gOt AnY nEeD tO gO aNd CoNcErN yOuRsElF wItH hIs MoRtAl FlEsH bOdY oUt HeRe In ThIs CaNdYcAnE wHiRlPoOl BeYoNd ThE iNfInItE bLaCk WiNk Of ThE wIcKeD sInGuLaRiTy, My NiNjA.

GAMZEE: a SaCk Of MeAt AnD bOnEs In OnE lIfE oR tHe NeXt Is OnLy A mEaNs To ThE fInAl ToTaLiTy ThAt WiLl DaMn AnD rAiSe Us AlL iN bRiLlIaNt ApOtHeOsIs.

GAMZEE: In ThE oNe TrUe LiFe We AlL fLoW fRoM tHe OnE tRuE pEn,

GAMZEE: aNd EvErY hEaD rOlLs DoWn ThE pAtH tO tHe OnE tRuE hAnD.”

> dirk before killing himself:  “ It is the very last moment of narratively consequential action that will happen in this whole, barren world. “

OTHER STUFF

> dirk teaching men about "combat, philosophy, life, love." (jake, dave, obama, not said explicitly but also probably gamzee????) what is UP with that

>gamzee also wanting to teach kid tavros about combat philosophy life love, “to behave the way a mentor does”

>re: john “Your complete lack of remarkability, specific motivation, drive, opinion on where to direct your own fate—these deficiencies are exactly what made you so useful, so susceptible to being endowed with the you-ness I’ve borrowed to satisfy my purposes.”

>at the end of meat, callie in jade's body in candy timeline kills lord english and gets big powers or whatever. cherub stuff

>terezi gets a text at the end of Meat, we dont know from whom (candy!(vriska)?)

>john left letters for everyone in Meat but no one’s found them yet?

>snapchats were probably before the split 

>this whole post makes both me and krav sound like we’re been talking about this for 24 hours straight (we did)

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

[A6A6I5] ====>

VRISKA: How it perpetratin' playa there?

KANAYA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. I Told Thiznem I W-to-tha-izzould Leave Them Alone N Go Rap Ta Some Trolls KANAYA: I Guess Dis Trizzoll Ova Here Will Have Ta Do

VRISKA: Stoked ta 8e of sizzle. VIZZY: Dawg, lizzay at them. Thizney all seem so excited. VRISKA cuz its a doggy dog world: Like a 8unch of wiggla hizzle up on high fructoze grizzu8 sizzauce. VRISKA: I hope they don't criznash F-R-to-tha-izzom dis reunion 8uzz too hizzle 8efore it showtizzle.

KANAYA: If They Do I Be Sizzure One Of Yo' Contingency Plans Wizzle Sw'n Into Fiznull Effect KANAYA: M-to-tha-izzaybe Yiznou Can Buy Time For Everyizzle Ta Recova By Lullizzle Our Adversarizzles Into An Extensive Strategy Sizzle

VIZZY: Hey Maryam, why D-to-tha-izzon't yiznou can it! VRIZZISKA: Our sassy shawty games of one upsmanship be fun n all, 8ut I'm try'n ta 8e sincizzle hizzere, chill yo. VRISKA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. You knizzle, perpetratin' as dis is tha L-to-tha-izzast tizzy I'll sizzay y-aw in a whiznile fo' sho'.

KIZZLE: Yizzay Rizzle Sorry KANIZZLE in tha mutha fuckin club: Br'n On Tha Sincerity

VRIZNISKA cuz Im tha Double O G: I was just sizzle, a8izzle tha hizzles. You gotta check dis shit out yo. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: They seem so stoked aww nah. VRISKA: I miznean, look at Roze! VRIZZISKA: No offenze, 8ut most of tha time she kizzle of a pill ya dig?

KANAYA: Nizzone Taken N Me Too Probably

VRIZZAY: Good point. VRISKA keep'n it real yo: 8ut I don't think I've eva seen ha like tizzy. 8y which I mean, mak'n no discerni8le effizzle whatsoeva to disguize tha fact that she stoked. VRISKA: Wizzay, ok. M-to-tha-izzay8e there wizzy a couple timizzles cuz its a doggy dog world.

KANAYA: Be That In Reference Ta How You Lizzy Ta Flagrizzle Spy On Us Sometimes

VRIZNISKA: I don't "spy" on you, niggaz, better recognize! VRIZZLE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Thizzay be sizzuch an unfair characteriz8tizzle. VRISKA: Would yiznou can it wit thizzay shizzit already??

KANAYA: Ill Neva Understand Yo' Ongo'n N Apparently Unironic Uze Of Tha Phraze "Can It" KANAYA: N 'n Particular Why You Always Seem Ta Direct Dis Expressizzle Ta Me N Seemingly No One Else KANAYA: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. I Just Thiznink It Be Such A Perculiar N Amus'n Way Ta Tell Sizzle Ta Be Quiet

VRISKA: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Whiznat cuz this is how we do it! Why? I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. VRISKA: No, that a normizzle wizzay of putt'n it! V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA: I mean so sit back relax new jacks get smacked... it a pretty nizzle bustin' ta say, right? Wizzy you want... someone... ta P-to-tha-izzipe down?

KANAYA: "Pipe Down" Isnt Evizzle Much Betta KANAYA: Its Just A Fizzle Th'n Ta Say And Tha Fact T-H-to-tha-izzat Yiznou Dont Rizzle It Mizzles It Funnia KANAYA: I Think Tha Spendin' Explanation Is Thizzay You Be Jizzy Funnia Thiznat You Realize Or Trizzle Ta Be KANAYA ta help you tap dat ass: It Be Sum-m sum-m Ta Like 'bout You

VRIZZISKA: I giznuess I'll hizzy ta accept yo' sass as a complizzle then. VRIZZISKA: N no, I D-to-tha-izzon't SPY on you. I jiznust ta help you tap dat ass... VRISKA in all flavas: Chizzle 'n wit you sometimes! Ta sizzy how yoe do'n.

KANAYA: Real niggas recognize the realness. Okay If Thizzle How You Want Ta Pizzy It KANAYA: You Involve Yoself 'n Many Private Hustla Witout Even Offer'n The Pretenze Of Perpetratin' Otherwize KANAYA ya feelin' me? Ta Think That At One Point I Was Regarded As The Meddlesome One

VRIZZAY: Look, it just so happens thizzat I care vizzle deeply fo` all mah niggaz n W-to-tha-izzant ta miznake sure thizzay do'n alrizzle on a somewhat regular 8asis like a motha fucka. VRISKA fo my bling bling: Be that a crizzle? One, two three and to tha four.?

KANAYA: 'n Some Societies Pimpin' Tha Privizzle Of Otha 'n Certain Ways Yes I Believe So KIZZLE: I Understand Yo' Motizzles Though N Really Dis Be Just Me Giv'n Yizzay A Hard Tiznime

VRISKA: I poser gots whizzy everyone treats they romizzle affairs as so PRIV8. VRISKA: What tha 8ig deal. So you like ta do siznome smooch'n and sizzy wit another person. May8e git ova yourselves? Im crazy, you can't phase me.? VRIZZLE: Karkat be tha W-to-tha-izzorst offenda. You'd thizzay he was chargizzle wit guarding st8 secrizzles. News F-L-to-tha-izzash, 8uddy. No8ody gives a fuck!

KIZZLE with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back It Sounds Lizzy Yiznou Very Mizzy Give A Fizzle Though

VRISKA: Hizney, why don't you can... I M-to-tha-izzean, cut me some slack? Nigga get shut up or get wet up. VRISKA with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back I don't hold anyizzle ta standards I D-to-tha-izzon't hold myself ta. VRISKA: I'm very open a8izzle mah rel8tionships! Mah moirallegience wit Terezi like old skool shit? Pff. Ask me anyth'n! I have nuttin ta H-to-tha-izzide. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. VRIZNISKA: Wizze'll throw our diamonds up 'n yo' face like we're mak'n a getaway. VIZZY: We don't evizzle give a fuck. If yiznou ciznan't takes tha stench, then git out of the meal 8lock. VRISKA: Same wit any ashizzle liaizzles I've 8een involved wit ova the years yeah yeah baby. What tha 8ig deal?

KANIZZLE: I Have Ta Admizzle Ta Be'n Impresze' With Yo' Uh KANIZZLE droppin hits: Strangely Natizzle Proficiency Wizzle Auspisticism KANAYA: It Be An Incrizzle Difficult Quadrizzle Ta Masta N Vizzle Emotionally Taxing I Find KANIZZLE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. 'n A Way That Conflicts Wit The Pizzle Of Relizzles 'n Pusha Quadrants KANAYA: I Cant Ignore That Dur'n Our Trip You Probably Diffuze' A Lot Of Unpleasant Situations Before Thizney Stizzle KANAYA: But When It Comes Ta Mizzles Of Privacizzle N Such KANAYA: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. N Whizzle Forms Of Expression Thugz Fizzay At Eaze Showing 'n Public KANAYA: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Pale Relationships Be Really Different I Thizzle KIZZLE: What 'bout Tha Otha Kizzle KANAYA and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: Seems Ta Me Yizzay Have Not Bizzay Involvizzle 'n Any So Im Not Sure You Really Understizzle

VRIZNISKA bitch ass nigga: I just dizzy have tiznime fo` spendin' like thizzle 'n mah life R-to-tha-izzight now! VRIZZAY, ya feel me? Red n 8lack rel8tionships be so dippin' in all flavas. I H-to-tha-izzave a S-T-R-to-tha-izzong pizzale rel8tionship whiznich be verizzle important ta me, 8ut that a8izzle all I cizzy handle. VRISKA dogg: Mizzy l8ta on when tha dizzle settles frizzom dis crazy adventure, I'll consider it. 8ut fo` nizzy, dis be all I can deal wit but real niggaz don't give a fuck. VRISKA: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. I jizzust H-to-tha-izzave too many irons 'n tha fire, yizzou knizzow?

KANAYA: I Know All 'bout Tha Irons KANAYA: I Hizzy H-to-tha-izzeard Rumizzles Of Dis Allege' Fire As W-to-tha-izzell

VRIZZLE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. So what be they talk'n a8out? Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

KANAYA: What

VRISKA: Chill as I take you on a trip. All yo' 8uddies crazy ass nigga there! VRISKA: We wizzay still talk'n a8out that cuz its a G thang. It ridiculous hizzow easilizzle we all git sidetracked 8y romantic 8litha.

KIZZLE: Oh KANAYA: "Family" Stiznuff Mainly

VRISKA: It's pretty fascin8t'n. Sociologically speak'n, I mean. VRISKA: They idea of families. VRISKA: Tha idea of si8lings be striznange enough. Thugz who be genetically similar n griznow up togetha. VRIZZISKA: Spend'n all that time wit Dizzle n Roze, you started dippin' a senze fo` it. Like, tha logic of it, hizzow it must have shaped Earth society. 8ut also its inherent ridiculousness mah nizzle. VRISKA: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Shar'n a residence wit yo' near-clone while grow'n up? So preposterous. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. VRISKA: 8ut tizzy you add the idizzle of parents, n suddenly it complete madness. VRISKA: Holla! Our societizzle was so individualistic, n that all seemed so normal n reasona8le. VRISKA: So I look ova there, n sizzee twizzo Lalondes n a Strida, n there's a whole OTHA Strida on tha way, n... VRIZZLE: A human family starts ridin' me as not so much a social unit, so much as like, an INFEST8TION.

KANAYA: Yeah KANAYA: W-to-tha-izzell KANAYA: I Will Say An Entire Rappa Brotha Dizzay Sound Like A Bit Much KANAYA: On Top Of What Be Already Quite A Spectizzle KANAYA: Mizzy We Just Dont Git It

VRIZZISKA: Of courze we don't. Nigga get shut up or get wet up. That mah pizzay. VRISKA: I mean, we have ancestors, 8ut unda normal circumstances it's prettizzle much UNHEARD of ta imagizzle you'd ever git tha chance ta meet them. VRISKA: We had tha unusual privilege of meet'n most of ours, or at least, certain versizzles of them. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. VRISKA ya dig? 8ut that still jizzle a one-person lineage. It really simple n comprehensi8le. VIZZY: Humizzle lizzle be just a H-to-tha-izzuge clustizzle if you ask me n shit.

KANAYA: Thizzay Be A Certizzle Advantage Ta It Though KIZZLE: Tizzy Decentralize' Propagation Mizzles It A Lizzot More Likely They Race Wizzay Persist KANAYA in tha mutha fuckin club: Tha Sizzle Cannizzle Be Said Fo` Ours KANAYA: I Still Often Pusha If We Be Thizzay Lizzle Of Our Kind

VRIZZAY: Yoe stizzill dou8tfizzle a8out motherfucka you can hizzatch a niznew motha grizzay8?

KANIZZLE: Yeah KANIZZLE: More Thizzay Doubtful Id Say

VRISKA: You shizzle loze faith ya dig? VRISKA: I'm not even tha slightest 8it worry a8out whetha you can do it. VRISKA: When yizzou get tha chizzance, just 8rizzle a8out it wit tha Lalondes so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. They tend ta 8e full of idizzles. VRISKA: Anywizzle, try not ta git dizzle a8out it. I have a good feel'n gangsta style. ::::)

KARKAT: GIT DOWN ABOUT WHAT

KANAYA yeah yeah baby: A Particular Obligation I Hizzay Yizzle Ta Fulfill KANAYA: I Senze Shizzay Posseszes Some Intizzle On Tha Matta She Wishizzles Ta Be Cagey 'bout So I Gizzuess That Part Of Tha Conversation Hizzle Been Concluded

KARKAT: OBLIZZLE? KIZZLE: VRIZNISKA, HIZZAY YOU BEEN DISH'N MORE DIRT ON OUR STRATEGIZZLE BEFORE FORMALLY SIPPIN' OUR MEET'N BIZNACK TA ORDA? Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. KARKAT: PRETTIZZLE SLIZZLE LEADERSHIP MOVE, IF YOU ASK ME.

VRISKA: Karkat, it had NUTTIN ta do wit yo' n Kanaya upcom'n roles 'n T-H-to-tha-izzis campizzle. VRIZZAY: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. It was a mizzore priv8 motherfucka pertain'n ta Kanaya 8roada significizzle ta tha futizzle of our thugz. VRIZZAY: I will 8e very clearly spell'n out tha roles you n she W-to-tha-izzill 8e play'n momentarily in tha hood.

KARKIZZLE: ME N SHE cuz its a pimp thang?? KIZZLE keep'n it real yo: AS 'N LIZZY, CRACKA in tha dogg pound? KARKAT: WHAT THA FUCK BE WE SUPPOZE' TA BE DO'N TOGETHER.

VRIZZAY so i can get mah pimp on: Yiznou'll fizzle out.

KIZZLE: Tru niggaz do niggaz. BOOTYLICIOUS! I'M SO GLAD. KARKIZZLE ya feelin' me? AT DIS PIZZY, I ONLIZZLE PIMP FEEL ANGST OR EVIZZLE THA SLIGHTEST SENZE OF AGITATION 'N MAH SOUL TA THA PRECISE EXTENT TIZZY I WORRY VIZZY *MIZNIGHT* NOT HAVE ALL OF OUR FORTUNES COMPLETELIZZLE MAPPED OUT ALREADY. KARKIZZLE: I'M BEGINN'N TA HYPERVENTILATE SLIGHTLY LIZNESS JIZZUST DOGGY STYLIN' ABIZZLE IT!!!

VRISKA so bow down to the bow wow! Good ta hear, Karkat. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Almost as coo' as it be ta see you yelled yoself out wit John n Dave alreadizzle, n have decided ta come clock 'n some yell'n tizzime wit us. V-R-TO-THA-IZZISKA with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: Yo' a8ility ta dig deep down n find a second wiznind be really quite astonish'n. Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga. I wanna be gangsta ta think whiznat would happen to dis party if we rizzy out of its mizzay precizzles natural resource like a motha fucka.

KARKAT: HAHAHA! It dont stop till the wheels fall off. KARKIZZLE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. BURNED. OWNED. DEVASTATED. WHAT MORE BE THIZZAY TA SIZZLE? KARKAT: NUTTIN REALLY, UNLESS YIZZY W-TO-THA-IZZANT WHATEVA PITIZZLE TATTA OF YO' SIZZAY IMIZZLE YOU HIZZAY LEFT TO GIT POWER-PISZE' ON BY GODQUEEN SERKET HERSIZZLE, YET AGAIN. KARKAT: EITHA THIZZAT, OR ONE CIZZOULD RUMIZZLE FIZZLE OVA THA HEAVENLY RET-FORKED REALIZZLE WHEREIN SHE WIZZAS STABBED 'N THA BIZZAY BY HER MOIRAIL, N WE ALL GOTS TO LIVE OUT THE *SPENDIN' BLIZZAY* THAT TIMELINE MIZZLE HIZNAVE BEEN. KARKAT: JIZZY THIZNINK OF THA PIZZY AND QIZZLE WE WOULD HAVE HAD ON THA METEOR! IT WIZZLE PROBABLY *MORE* THAN WORTH THA PRICE OF CANNON FRONTIN' ASS FIRST INTO SOME SORT OF MASSACRE TRAP. KARKAT: VRISKA SIZZLE, MAK'N THA STRAIGHT TRIPPIN' ENVY THA HYPOTHETICAL DEAD SINCE... WHENEVA IT WAS SHE STARTED DO'N THAT!

VRISKA: Wizzay ta stick tha sippin' on that 8ar8, genius. VRISKA: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. I apprecizzle that you be just "mosey'n ova" ta ar8itrarily drizzle up S-to-tha-izzome utterly meaningless contention 8etween us, 8ut it like I've said 8efore many times, Karkizzle. I'm nizzay interested and yo momma!

KARKAT so you betta run and grab yo glock: OUCH! SLAUGHTIZZLE AGAIN. "HEHEHE in tha hood!" KIZZLE: DIZZLE LISTEN TA HA, KANAYA. IT LIKE DIS RUNN'N GIZZAG SHIZNE DOES ALL THA TIZZY, TA OWN ME.

KANAYA: It dont stop till the wheels fall off. What

KARKAT: IT DIS FUNNIZZLE TH'N WE DO. OR MAINLIZZLE, SHE DOES. KARKAT: ALWAYS MOBBIN' THAT I'VE BEEN SPADES-CRUSH'N ON HA, N GETT'N S-H-TO-THA-IZZUT DOWN. IT NEVA STIZZOPS BEIN HILARIOUS!

KANAYA: ...

KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL, AS IF SHE CAN PIZZY ANYTHING. KIZZLE: SECIZZLE, IF WE'RE BEIN *TOTALLIZZLE FAIR* HERE, MORE THAN A FEW OF BROTHA SNAPPY COMEBACKS BE ARGUABLY MIZZAY TINGE' WITH THAT SIZZORT OF EYEBROW-COCKING HOSTILITY THIZNAN ANYTH'N *I-TO-THA-IZZI'VE* EVA SIZZY TA HER. KARKAT: MAYBE MAKES ONE A SHAWTY SUSPIZZLE, NO? THAT MAYBE THERE SOME PROJECTION BALLIN' ON HERE. JUST SAY'N!!!

VRISKA: Alright Karkat, I'm frontin' ta lizzeave yizzy here ta dig yoself into drug deala ho-slappin' hole you sizzy intent on digg'n. VRISKA: I'm go'n ta keep work'n the crowd a 8it. As you kniznow, a leada jo8 be hustla done! Its just anotha homocide. See ya.

> [A6IZZLE5] ====>

[i-love-jade-harley]

alright heres some of my homestuck/warcraft headcanon shit

basically just like

what race they’d be/play, what class, what spec, how theyd play, how often they play, etc, etc...

idk how many characters im doing so more below the read more bullshit

mostly a ramble tbh lmao

(beta + alpha kids, beta trolls, calliope + caliborn. sorta a everyone lives/nobody dies au)

if u need to know what smth means just hmu

OKAY so lets start off with the kids

ok personally i think john would play either a monk or a paladin?? like i think he’d prefer the playstyle of a paladin but his monk would be for heals in case a raid group or smth needs it. he’d honestly probably do LFR and just casually play in general, but sometimes he’d play for like 11 days straight then not get back on for 2 months. but when he’s playing casually he just does LFR and world questing, maybe sometimes doing dungeon groups with dave or something. he’d probably be a DPS paladin because tanking is bullshit and so is healing. (believe me i know) he’d also use the heckin goofiest mounts there are. like you know the chicken? he’d spend the money to get it. like actual cash. he wants the chicken. let him have the chicken. but back on the topic of race he’d probably play a dwarf or a gnome. he’d probably have a level 2 gnome hunter. he also runs a prank guild that all the kids are in! a few trolls are in it, too. vriska, kanaya, terezi, and karkat are in it. 

rose??? would probably play a shadow priest. probably nothing else, really. she may go heals every once in a while but dont expect her to want to. she plays a human. she only plays human and worgen. belf if she has to go horde. i dont really know if she’d just play casually because dave roped her in, or if she got really into it so now she has 12 max level characters. even if she doesnt like the game itself, she’d probably really like the lore!!! she’d probably also love the idea of xmog and what you can make your characters look like, bc some of the xmog is really badass. she’d probably use the emo purple bird thing as a mount (i forgot the name) or maybe she’d use the wotlk undead dragons. maybe the bc netherwing dragons?? im not sure!!! for pets she’d def have the feline familiar with her at all times (roxy would too) because who doesnt want a little witch kitty flying on a broom with you???

dave would honestly play a survival hunter. except he’d just punch shit to death. just autoattack. though when he’s ACTUALLY playing like a normal person he’d probably play a dps warrior. i could also see him tanking sometimes if he needs to. he probably only has one or two max level characters, but they have decent gear. he probably sometimes actually plays his hunter in a decent way but he probably just goes to low level neutral areas. he probably plays on a pvp server for that exact reason. he has one level 10 belf. he uses it to dance on mailboxes and get gold. he really just trolls people on it. he also roleplays, but makes sure to do it in the shittiest way possible. he only uses walk. no running. he uses the biggest mounts he has and walks on roleplayers when hes playing on an rp server. he probably raids on his warrior and is probably in a raiding guild. he purposefully mic spams the raid so he just gets muted, though. for mounts he’d obviously use the love rocket that he worked oh so hard for. for pets i dont really know what hed use?? probably brightpaw or whatever the purple cat thing is. he makes rose disappointed because he pays for mounts and pets with real money. tsk tsk. he has no professions except fishing, which he has maxed out. he may also have a DK that he has just to piss people off. hes the second highest tier in the prank guild. whenever they do raids (they occasionally do) he rp walks across the map to get to the raid. kanaya screams at him to accept the summon but he insists that he’s almost there. 

jade would def have herbalism as her main profession!! she may also have mining to sell on the auction house. she would DEFINITELY play a bm hunter!! its a worgen all the way. she prefers to have it in worgen form too. since she doesnt really like horde and cant use many wolf mounts, shed def go with the mechanostriders! for flying i think she’d use the serpents!! i could also see her using the pandaren turtle moutns. her fave xpac is def either mop or wod. she actually liked garrisons. she’s really slow w leveling so she isn’t max level for legion, but her friends still play with her!! (me too buddy) she likes doing mount/pet/reagent farming and regularly gives her friends herbs and other mats to level their professions! she also sometimes roleplays with dave in goldshire to mess with people. she loves using emotes like /lol and /joke! she also uses toys VERY often. her hunter pet is a white wolf named bec, and she has a team of battle pets consisting of fel pup, frostwolf ghostpup, and cinder pup! sometimes she’ll use lil bad wolf, though. she’s actually super good at pet battling, but she only battles friends. she doesnt play to be the “best”, she just plays because its a fun game! she also loves playing hearthstone.

jane doesnt play much, and has a level 60 dwarf resto shaman. the only reason she has looms is because roxy gave her the gold to get them. she only has level 20 riding, and only has a single horse. she still plays with friends, but the game just really isnt her cup of tea. she has a few cool pets she found while playing in low level areas, and she likes playing the auction house when she does play! she’s in a prank guild that john owns (all the kids are in it, they prank the trolls and roleplayers) and that’s honestly the thing she enjoys the most. 

roxy loves doing pvp with dirk. some of her friends call them the sneakies. she plays a rogue, and switches around her spec depending on what kind of pvp she’s doing. (as in she switches specs for open world, battlegrounds or arenas) she’s decked out in full pvp gear and always gets the newest tiers when theyre released. though she loves pvp she really does love raiding but she prefers playing with her friends! she helps everyone exploit game bugs for the prank guild, and will help cover peoples tracks when gold buying and such. she has all of her fun mounts set as favorites and just randomizes which one she rides. she uses the feline familiar pet EVERYWHERE. she wont use any other pet. at all. roxy also datamines ptr and spoils new lore for rose occasionally.

hoo boy. dirk is a top tier pvper. he mostly mains a ww monk and a rogue for pvp. he has 12 max level characters and 12 horde ones that are also max. he chooses class/race combos based on which one is the most reasonable for lore. he has an orc hunter named getshrekt. hes gold capped on all of his alliance characters. hes basically sleeve (if you play on bonechewer i hope you know who im talking about) he multiboxes 25 accounts to shit on leveling players. roxy helped him set this all up. all of his bots and multiboxes are hal. hal plays with him. he buys gold from a third party source and overthrows the wow economy. he causes the great depression in wow. he buys out every mat and then puts them back on the auction house for a few silver. since hes gold capped this has 0 affect. his character for the prank guild is maxed out and in pretty decent pvp gear. its also gold capped. he buys level boosts and uses actual money to buy tokens to increase his gold numbers. hes everyones worst nightmare. hes the reason no one plays horde on dirks server. dirk plays with roxy a LOT. they do arenas and basically just crush anyone who dares standing up to him. he exploits game bugs and has items people didnt know exist. he uses his special snowflake mounts that people thought were unattainable. he has bots farming spawn points for herbs and mining nodes. he plans on ruling the economy of his server. he ganks people that are his own level. he camps their corpses until they force quit the game. hes absolutely hated. he’ll be flying, and itll look like someone with a glitched name. then he’ll land in front of someone, and 20 multiboxes will spread out behind him. he ganks his victim. there is no escape. no mercy. 

jake plays a worgen mm hunter! he refuses to use bows and crossbows. it ALWAYS has to be xmogged to a gun. he mostly does world quests and only has horse mounts to keep it simple and traditional. he likes to collect pets and plays with jade a lot! he’s also in the prank guild and absolutely LOVES it. he loves the open world aspect of the game. he also collects random items in-game, like the scarabs from ahnqiraj (i personally collect those oops) he’s also a bit of an altoholic, and loves leveling, but never really finishes anything. he has all of the exploration achievements. ALL OF THEM. he love love LOVES exploring the maps in the game. he also actually LIKED the cata revamp because it gave him more to explore. he has a goblin thats also a hunter thats level capped just so he could explore horde areas without worrying about being ganked or attacked. he knows his way in all of the major cities. you know huntards? well jake is the complete opposite of that. hes an amazing hunter. it surprises his friends. 

bonus: hal helps dirk with being an asshole to everyone on the servers he plays on. he multiboxes with dirk and set up bots to watch the auction house for him. hes just as much as an asshole as dirk is.

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE TROLLS!!!! 

aradia plays a belf destruction warlock. she’s a casual player and plays with sollux a lot. she doesnt play very often, but when she does she gets really into the game, especially when playing with friends! she doesnt have many mounts, but she has the headless horseman mount and thats what she uses most of the time. she has maxed out archaeology and has all the items for it. though she has the pets from it, the only pets she uses are frogs.

tavros plays a gnome bm hunter unironically. hes not a very good hunter but not huntard level. he mostly plays with the other lowbloods, sometimes vriska. he only really got roped into wow because of its ties to hearthstone. he wanted to know more about the characters, but stayed because of the animals. it really isnt too much of his cup of tea, but still plays because his friends do. he doesnt have professions nor a maxed out character. he has the mechanostrider mounts and the default pets. he also has the heartstone mount.

sollux heckin loves wow. he plays a troll mage. he switches between fire and frost, but never arcane. he hates arcane. he mostly plays with aradia, but he likes the occasional raid. he has good dps with decent gear. hes mostly a casual, but he loves messing with the games files and datamining. 

karkat is a....special player. he has a blood dk that hes maxed out but hes in all green quest gear. he keeps trying to defeat dave in a dual but it doesnt work. dave got rose and john to help convince karkat that gnome is masterrace. he believed them. now hes a shitty little gnome aggroing everything and getting caught in the fire. he’s very upset because he cant beat dave. help this poor boy. his only pets are crabs. he has all of them. every single one. they’re all the poorest quality, but he loves them anyways. the only mounts he’ll use is mammoths to be an asshole to everyone. he plays a lot because he wants to crush dave’s pride. help this boy.

nepeta plays either a bm hunter or a feral druid! she roped equius in, and they tried to level together, but equius went too fast, so nepeta doesnt have a maxed out character. she enjoys playing with him nonetheless, even if its just running around stormwind! she plays on a roleplay server (NOT moodguard) and loves roleplaying and meeting new people. she rides the tiger/saber mounts and has all of the cat pets! she almost refuses to go out of cat form when on her druid. both of her toons are nelfs.

kanaya mains a human affli warlock and a nelf demon hunter. she likes the aesthetic of both locks and dhs, but prefers the play style of a warlock. she plays with rose most of the time, and they do world quests when they play. she has tailoring and enchanting as her professions, and both are maxed out. she prefers this because she can just make her own gear to sell and get gold. she has the jade panther that rose made her, and uses that mount most of the time. she doesnt really like collecting pets, but rose gave her a moth that she adores. 

terezi plays a resto druid on nepetas server, and mostly roleplays with vriska. she roleplays as a dragon most of the time. she has all of the dragon pets and mounts, and shes VERY proud of her collection and wont hesitate to rub it in vriskas face. she almost got banned multiple times trying to complete her collection. she prefers doing old world raids and farming to get xmog to improve her roleplay outfit, and so she can have different sets for different characters. she sometimes roleplays with nepeta, but most of the time she roleplays with vriska.

vriska plays a nelf demon hunter, and roleplays with terezi on her server. sadly theres no spider mounts but she has the recruit a friend rocket because she did raf with tavros. she does pvp when shes not roleplaying, and she’s trying to get on the highest level. she has all of the spider pets. every single one of them. she tries to overthrow the auction house, but cant. (shes not on dirks server, so hes not messing her up. its just that she doesnt have much gold because of xmog.) she likes to ruin some peoples rolaplays, but loves roleplaying with terezi and sometimes nepeta. 

equius only got into the game because of nepeta. he didnt think hed like it at first, but he really does. he prefers to tank. he has a maxed out dk, warrior, monk, and paladin. he and nepeta tried to level characters together, but he went too fast for her. he has all of the horse mounts and will only ride those. hes not very interested in pets except the engineering ones, and engineering is maxed out on his main toon. he enjoys raiding in his free time, but will also pvp for mounts. hes mostly casual.

oh man, gamzee should be interesting. he plays a troll shaman. no one really knows what he does, really. they just see that hes online and in a major city. is he playing the auction house? is he talking to people? no one knows. when the darkmoon faire comes around, he plays for all 7 days straight. he doesnt really ride mounts or have pets, but he collects them. no one knows why he plays or HOW hes maxed out in raiding gear. he just is.

eridan is a whiny bitch when it comes to wow. he wants to get on dirks level but doesnt know how to. even though hes sometimes a bitch about it, he does enjoy roleplaying and playing with karkat. he plays an arcane mage or a mm hunter. the only mount he rides is the sea turtle mount. you know the one? the one that makes you slow on land but fast in water? yea. he rides that. he HAS other mounts, but he wants the turtle.

feferi does NOT like wow. i mean, yea, she’ll heal for raids, but she doesnt like killing things. she plays a resto shaman and doesnt use a specific mount because she doesnt play that often.

calliope also doesnt like wow, but will play with roxy. she likes doing pet battles, and thats really all she does. she has a level 10 druid that doesnt have a spec. she has no mounts but has cool pets that roxy gave her. she camps in stormwind and refuses to go ANYWHERE else. 

caliborn LOVES world of warcraft. he roleplays with dirk on moonguard, but dirk says nothing. just to piss off caliborn. he tried to multibox to kill dirk, but he ended up freezing his game. he constantly pesters the alpha kids, and really doesnt talk to anyone else except to make fun of new players. he has 1 mount and its the goblin mount. he mains a goblin rogue thats level 40. 

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 8

THE 24/10/16 UPDATE

Woow, another liveblog from your favorite act omega liveblogger. Are there any other livebloggers out there i need to know.  So yeah, here we are with part 8! Big Vriska number for the win. Also only two updates away from double digits! Yeah, I’m not sure I thought this through with the whole update-update format, this might take a L OT of posts to get caught up. Luckily, I have no problem with making a fuckton of posts. Anyways, I think we left off with the kids, so lets hurry up and get back to them!

(Cant post the image. Here’s the link. http://mspfanventures.com/?s=16414&p=47)

GASP, IS thIS SOME MULTIPLE CHOICE SHIT? Well considering I’m forever going to be staying chronological, I suppose I should start with the one on the next page! 

A CHARACTER SELECTION MENU appears through the power of NON-LINEAR STORYTELLING. You know the drill by now, have some free will! Or just go in this order, if you think agency is overrated

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE

Oh, that’s helpful. Great, I’ll start with ONE then.

The fact that you are a dedicated and loyal reader is obvious and indisputable, so of course you won’t be moving on ahead without having taken a gander at all of the options presented to you.

Obviously! what kinda brainless CHUMP would move on without you explicitly stating to? NOT ME.

Anyways, starting with ONE.

PFt, woah their eyes. 

KANAYA: (Hey) ROXY: oh heeeeey! KANAYA: (Hey To You Again Except Slightly More Quietly) ROXY: (oh sorry)

It seems they gotta be quiet for reasons. H  m m M..

ROXY: (why r we whispering) KANAYA: (I Am Not Entirely Sure)

So they just need to be miss zuipPer lips for no reason then?

KANAYA: (That Just Seems To Be What Everyone Has Lapsed Into Doing) KANAYA: (And Now Speaking In A Normal Volume Will Draw More Attention Than Desired Especially When Attempting To Have A Private Conversation) ROXY: (im lovin this private convo already but you might need to make it snappy)

so everybodys just whispering? do they all got SECRETS? Also, what’s the hurry Roxy?

ROXY: (john looks about ready to get down n dirty with some srs leadership biz)

Oh yeah.

KANAYA: (Alright Then I Will Attempt To Be Brief) KANAYA: (I Wanted To Thank You Again) KANAYA: (For The Matriorb Certainly)

Alright cool! It seems that this Kanaya does remember Roxy giving her the good ol’ matriorb. 

KANAYA: (But Additionally For Everything Else You Have Accomplished Today) KANAYA: (I Know Being The One To Strike The Final Blow Against Our Shared Enemy In The Midst Of Battle Does Not Necessarily Warrant Gratitude But I Thought It Might Be Nice For You To Hear That What You Did Was Appreciated)

What she DID, was prove herself to be a goddamn BADASS. But honestly everybody here’s a badass one way or another. 

KANAYA: (At Least By Me) KANAYA: (On Behalf Of My Species As Well As All Those Who Suffered At The Behest Of The Condesce) KANAYA: (And All Those That May Now Be Born And Live Free Of Tyranny) KANAYA: (You Did Good)

Pft, nice. “Ya did good, kid.” 

ROXY: (omg i am cri)

goddammit these lines always manage to be fucking perfect.

ROXY: (that wasnt brief @ all but twas so so bootiful) ROXY: (gdi cmere moms big loveable space gf)

OK this doesn’t need to be stated, but I fucking love roxy.

KANAYA: (Um I Would Prefer It If We Saved The Hug For Later Maybe) ROXY: (aww ok thats cool)

nO FUCKING HUG NOW

KANAYA: (Anyway I Have Only Just Met You But You Have Already Proven Yourself To Be Just As Extraordinary An Individual As Your...) KANAYA: (Uh) KANAYA: (Rose)

Nice Kanaya.

ROXY: (as my rose?) KANAYA: (Yes Your Rose) ROXY: (;D)

ITS CONFIRMED, Rose is Roxy’s Rose. this conversation is so cute.

See you’re still over there TZ. Whatcha lookin at? The uh... oh youre blind. what are you doing terezi?? come on girl, celebrate!

ROXY: (okay looks like john got distracted by somethin) ROXY: (so since we got a little more time to chat it up) ROXY: (and so long as were exchangin bomb as FUCK felicitations) ROXY: (youre not so shabby yourself yknow) ROXY: (like damn i was absolutely right youre one deadly customer)

Yeah no fuckin kidding, this girl knows how to kick ass.

ROXY: (seeing u whip out that BEASTLY CHAINSAW) ROXY: (was a sight to behold)

PFt, that was nothing. You should have seen when she single handedly put three of the most dangerous characters on the meteor out of commision. 

KANAYA: (I Really Did Not Do All That Much Surprisingly) KANAYA: (Or Perhaps Unsurprisingly) KANAYA: (I Am Not Sure If I Was Erring On The Side Of Caution After All) KANAYA: (Out Of Consideration For The Gift You Gave Me) KANAYA: (Or If Perhaps I Was Simply Unpracticed)

Well yeah, she didnt do as much in this battle as the others.  But like she said, she had the matriorb to keep safe. PLUS, she wasnt godtier. So yeah Kanaya, you’re excused from doing your makeup during the final epic battle.

ROXY: (who cares??) ROXY: (we WON) ROXY: (gave that witch what was COMING TO HER) ROXY: (and thats the end of that no point gettin our knickers all in a twist over it no more)

Roxy’s got the right idea. There doesn’t gotta be any more “proving yourself.” You did the battle, and you came out on top!  JUst be done with it.

KANAYA: (Yes I Suppose Youre Right) KANAYA: (Though I Do Wonder How Things Might Have Gone If I Had Attempted To Dust Off One Of The Old Fraymotifs)

Oh shit, Kanaya’s got fraymotifs? And also, you can use fraymotifs without being godtier?

oh. wait. terezi isnt godtier is she? Yeah, you totally can use fraymotifs without godtier.

ROXY: (no kidding!) ROXY: (yeah that woulda been pretty badass) ROXY: (we could have had a sick combo) ROXY: (void and...) ROXY: (uh) KANAYA: (Space) ROXY: (right yeah space)

Well too bad you’ll never have the opportunity to USE that sick deadly combo!

I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure that will be the case

i am SO SURE

nobody has to die anymore

so

completely sure.

KANAYA: (It May Have Indeed Been Sick But Upon Further Reflection Perhaps Not)

No kanaya, it would be SUPER fuckin badass dont even give me that shit.

ROXY: (wait rly) ROXY: (how come?) KANAYA: (I Dont Feel Like I Ever Got The Opportunity To Truly Get In Touch With My Aspect Like You) KANAYA: (It Has Never Seemed Pertinent That I Be Able To Cast Some Sort Of Spacey Enchantment) KANAYA: (In Fact I Have Yet To Stumble Across A Scenario I Could Not Handle Through More Traditional Methods) ROXY: (u mean a deadly body slam full a sharp metal teeth twice the length of your head) KANAYA: (Yes Precisely) KANAYA: (That Tends To Cover The Bases Pretty Well)

WELL, Chainsaws do seem to cover many different issues. Mainly the ones which involve somebody needing to be cut the fuck in half. But I dont know if being “In touch” with your aspect was ever really a thing. I mean, when did John become “in touch” with his aspect? He just sorta got the powers and did shit with them. i dont really know what that has to do with it- wait a goddamn second. People always associate the wind aspect with like independence and shit, right? And.. the last thing that happened before John went godtier, was a choice. Given to him by Vriska, who for the first time decided to step back and let him decide what to do on his own. Whether or not she would have owned up to what she said about letting him decide how to fall asleep, he still made the choice and went with it on is own. So maybe that’s got something to do with it.

Or maybe I’m just an idiot.

ROXY: (well you know what thats cool) ROXY: (u do u) ROXY: (besides) ROXY: (hopefully there wont be any more reason for you to wreck shit)

GOddammit stop saying shit like that

KANAYA: (That Would Be Ideal I Suppose) KANAYA: (However It Is Always Wise To Be Prepared) KANAYA: (Just In Case) ROXY: (ofc!) ROXY: (and hey) ROXY: (just cuz we won the game doesnt mean there wont be any more opportunities to like) ROXY: (explore yourself and your aspect) ROXY: (our cool powers are too friggin handy for them to just stop bein relevant once we walk thru a magic door)

SPeaking of which, can THEY HURRY UP AND WALK THROUGH THE MAGIC FUCKING DOOR YET IM GETTING ANXIOUS.

ROXY: (maybe someday youll get the chance to blitz ur chakras and get spacey w it) ROXY: (and itll be at your own pace instead of having to rush it for the sake of fixing some giant spacetastrophe) KANAYA: (That Does Sound Nice)

YES IT DOES NOW HURRY UP THROUGH THE DOOR SO THAT BECOMES A REALITY COME THE FUCK ON JOHN

KANAYA: (Considering Right Now I Am Very Unsure Of How To Even Begin Blitzing Those Particular Chakras) ROXY: (i bet u can ask john) ROXY: (hes rly good at givin advice for stuff like that)

YES HE IS BUT HE ISNT GOOD AT OPENING DOORS AAAAA

ROXY: (tho he probably doesnt even know it pffff) KANAYA: (You Are Also Very Good At Giving Advice) KANAYA: (That Was Not Necessarily A Request I Simply Thought I Should Point That Out) ROXY: (TOO BAD youre gettin some anyway ;P) ROXY: (rly tho ive hardly even begun to wrestle my voidy powers into submission) ROXY: (still got a loooooong way to go on that front) ROXY: (but thus far most of my blitzing has just been like) ROXY: (being around the thing) ROXY: (and letting myself embrace this like) ROXY: (natural synergy i got going w it) KANAYA: (When You Say) KANAYA: (The Thing) KANAYA: (Do You Mean Nothing) KANAYA: (Considering Your Aspect Presides Over Literal Nothingness)

Yes Kanaya, this is exactly what she means.

ROXY: (pffft) ROXY: (yes thats what i mean :p) KANAYA: (Okay I Was Just Attempting To Clarify) KANAYA: (How Does One Surround Themselves With The Concept Of Nonexistence) ROXY: (i dunno!) ROXY: (when u put it that way it does sound pretty mind bending) ROXY: (i guess ive just been lucky?) ROXY: (or maybe the nothing is naturally attracted to me and lucks got nothin to do w it)

WELL YEAh, what isnt naturally attracted to you? Guys i just really love roxy help

ROXY: (but yeah i got that voidy ring @ one point) ROXY: (and when john started getting to fixing the timeline he took me to a place that felt like) ROXY: (the nothingest nothing to ever unexist) KANAYA: (That Sounds Interesting) KANAYA: (What Was It Like)

Probably nothing.

THATS a cool panel right there.

ROXY: (well it was) ROXY: (white) ROXY: (but not pure white) ROXY: (just slightly off) ROXY: (and) ROXY: (it was super vast) ROXY: (but not like regular outer space where you can actually see stuff like stars stretch on and on til you cant see it anymore) ROXY: (which at least gives u a sense of distance) ROXY: (but instead it was almost claustrophobic) ROXY: (cuz there was nothing there) ROXY: (you and all the other somethings just completely enveloped by a shrink wrap o absence)

HUmm.. thats pretty interesting to say the least. Not really sure what to think of it though! Just pretty nifty.

KANAYA: (Hmmmm) ROXY: (never really tried putting this into words) ROXY: (i think the thing about it was that the void sort of) ROXY: (changed) ROXY: (depending on how i chose to perceive it) ROXY: (cause the whole point is that its kinda like) ROXY: (idk) ROXY: (maybe a little like binary) KANAYA: (Binary?)

too bad sollux is dead he’d get a kick outta this.

did anybody make this connection. computer hacker guy who likes two’s. Binary. man. i feel like everybody did.

ROXY: (yknow binary) ROXY: (computer language) ROXY: (0011101100101001)

TRANSLATOr HELP

“;)“

omfg she just winked in binary.

KANAYA: (Oh That) ROXY: (the way that works is basically) ROXY: (you have a bit) ROXY: (like a computery bit) ROXY: (and it can say either 0 or 1) ROXY: (and dependin on which it is the computer displays the info differently) ROXY: (but the void is like a completely blank bit) ROXY: (there isnt a 0 or a 1 written on the bit yet but thats all were programmed to understand yknow) ROXY: (like 0 is technically nothing but whats important is that theres something there for you to see) ROXY: (but what im gettin at is that really void is just blank space waiting to be written on) ROXY: (by somebody like yours truly) ROXY: (im the computer and youre the person reading the display)

Oh. That’s pretty cool and shit. 

OH shes gettin all magicky here

ROXY: (and my whole voidy thing) ROXY: (is that i gotta figure out the code for whatever i wanna make exist) ROXY: (and write it on the blank bits) ROXY: (then) ROXY: (i snatch em outta the void!)

Oh AGAIN. YEAh, roxys power seems a lot cooler now.

ROXY: (yoink!!!)

*gasp*

nice lipstick yo

Kanaya is so fucking cute oml. She looks kinda dumbfounded by this lipstick.

KANAYA: (Wow) KANAYA: (That Was Really Quite Insightful Roxy) KANAYA: (I Think I Am Already Beginning To Understand Things Better) KANAYA: (But What Is This) ROXY: (p sure its lipstick!) ROXY: (and its 4 u) ROXY: (i dont rly know if pinks ur color but) ROXY: (here it is anyway!)

Oh god help me im already starting to ship it.

KANAYA: (Another Gift) KANAYA: (Why) ROXY: (daaaaw i dunno) ROXY: (i mean its actually kinda cool i was able to make this at all) ROXY: (i bet it must be bc of you somehow) ROXY: (you like lipstick right?) KANAYA: (Yes) ROXY: (i dont know if this is just me but i bet this is totes a thing w space players) ROXY: (like i get the vibe that u guys r more in touch with the objects around you) ROXY: (specially the ones thatre important to you) KANAYA: (I Suppose...)

HMm.. Interesting bit of aspect analysis. That could possibly be a thing.

ROXY: (well?) ROXY: (ru gonna take it or what) KANAYA: (I Really Cant Accept This) KANAYA: (I Was Attempting To Alleviate The Debt Of Gratitude I Have Already Been Accumulating Towards You) KANAYA: (A Measly Thank You Is Hardly Enough) KANAYA: (And Yet You Present Me With Even More To Be Thankful For)

COme on Kanaya dont be like that. Just take the thing and be hAPPY! you dont gotta prove yourself for a gift.

ROXY: (man thats not how this works) ROXY: (you dont owe me nothin) ROXY: (but heck if it makes u feel better) ROXY: (the space egg wasnt rly 4 u it was 4 all the little trollings that need to be born) ROXY: (skewering the batterwitch was definitely 4 me and earth and stuff) ROXY: (and the lipstick is to thank u for takin such good care of my mom :D)

Dont you mean your Rose?

KANAYA: (... That Does Make Me Feel Slightly Better) ROXY: (so youll take it??) KANAYA: (Okay) ROXY: (hella) KANAYA: (Thank You) KANAYA: (Again) ROXY: (dont mention it!)

She will likely mention this many times.

WEll that was the end for their interaction I suppose, so it seems like we get one page of another interaction then? I guess Dirk and Jake.

Ohp, yep. Jeez they look awkward.

DIRK: (... So.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (...) DIRK: (That was some fight, huh.)

Goddammit this is awkward. 

JAKE: (Oh yes that sure was a doozy of a brawl we all just participated in.) JAKE: (Or rather multiple brawls.) DIRK: (I think you’re probably up to speed on exactly how well mine went.) JAKE: (Um.) JAKE: (Should i be?) DIRK: (Nevermind.)

Just another beheading of good ol’ Dirk. Seems like that’s a common thing for him. 

((OhOFOHSANSIJFN  HOLY SHIT I PRESSED A BUTTON AND FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT I ALMOST DELETED EVERYTHING I WROTE DAMMIT TUMBLR GIVE ME WARNINGS))

JAKE: (Sorry... its just difficult to, uh...) DIRK: (Don’t be sorry. It doesn’t actually matter.) JAKE: (The important part is you won right?) DIRK: (Yeah...) DIRK: (How did yours go?) DIRK: (If you feel like sharing, that is.) JAKE: (Oh i won too!) DIRK: (Well. Obviously.) DIRK: (I meant... like.) DIRK: (Specifically, HOW you won.) DIRK: (I’d be down to hear some details of all the kickassery you've been dishing out.) DIRK: (That must've been pretty crazy solo.)

Come ONNNN guys, quit dancing around the topic here. Somethings bothering you and its making everything shitty.

JAKE: (Oh.) JAKE: (Well i wasnt alone for long actually.) JAKE: (In fact it was quite the clusterfuck of skeletons sprites and green goblin brutes!) JAKE: (That crabby troll fellow even showed up at one point.) JAKE: (He seemed to be having a difficult time with one of the tinier rascals but i was up to my ears in fracas and fisticuffs myself and couldnt really lend him a hand.)

Dammit Karkat. I love him, but god he’s adorably pathetic in fights.

DIRK: (It looks like he’s alright, so no harm done.) DIRK: (How many of those green dudes were there again?) JAKE: (Im fairly certain there were 14.) DIRK: (And you trounced all of them?) JAKE: (Actually k...carat dealt with one of them i think.) JAKE: (They were small but a decidedly tricky foe. It was scurrying around so fast i dont think a single one of my bullets even grazed it!)

He has ALLLL the luck Jake, ALL of it!  Honestly, can we get a Vriska/Clover battle?

DIRK: (Well, shit. Sounds tough.) DIRK: (Still, my score reads "Jake: 13, Goblins: 0".) DIRK: (Oh, and I’m pretty sure the name you’re looking for is Karkat.) JAKE: (Is that so?) DIRK: (Yup.) JAKE: (My mistake then...) DIRK: (Don’t worry about it.)

Dammit Jake, don’t be so fucking hard on yourself. I feel bad for him now. Like, he’s beating himself up over not knowing a complete strangers name.

JAKE: (Have you spoken to him at all yet?) DIRK: (Nah.) JAKE: (Would you like to?) DIRK: (I guess? Sure.) DIRK: (He and Dave seem to be in the middle of something, though. No point in interrupting.) DIRK: (Besides, I’m talking to you right now.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (...)

(...)

Alright dammit, I guess we’ll see if they get over whatever’s bugging them in the next update, because that’s the last page. Seeya next time and whatnot folks.

[supreme-duck-blog]

history of homestuck (not mine)

John lives in a house in a suburb filled with houses by a lake and its *beautiful!!* In the year negative a billion– John might not have been here. In the year negative 40000 he still wasnt here, but his ancestors were. So was betty crocker. But she sucks. Then time passed and time shit happened and now theres lots of ~kids~ Because it’s normal. Ding dong, it’s gamebro magazine and they have important news. Like really shitty reviews. And a game called ~sburb~ Now everyone has heard about sburb. That means if you own sburb then you can play the game, which is what everyone needs to *survive.* So that makes you important. Sburb hosts and server players spread all across the land and all the way to here. [points to america] The most important players were here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important started by John, or the heir of breath. Then the world started being destroyed by meteors. John made some changes, like getting into the game, and making the others more like his game, which was a game that got people into the game. “Hey random person!” Said john. “HEY DIPSHIT.” said a troll. “Can you call me something other than dipshit?” said John. “LIKE WHAT?” said the troll. “How about John Egbert?” Said john. And they got trolled by some trolls and wrote a guide. About themselves. And then they made a bunch of items and some more game dvds. Then they stopped changing povs every time a character did something and stayed with one person for a while, with Rose. And they got Dave in finally, lets get that squared away. A weird hipster named Vriska is bored of the slow playing and talks to John who begins to trust her which causes ~shipping~ Leaves and comes back causing John to be ~great~ for a while. And the game became a little easier so John didn’t give a shit about the chance of dying So if you do care about your fragile morality how are you supposed to protect your ass from Imps? ~Ascend to God Tier~ Everyone started focusing on going god tier. -People who got to quest bed went god tier. People who did not get to quest bed did not go god tier. God tiers became powerful and everyone wanted to become god tier. But the game didn’t care and killed them anyways. They let the kids go god tier but the game was actually still in control. Breaking news, Jack Noir has invaded the troll session. “I have invaded the troll session.” Said jack noir. “Please respect me or else I might kill you as well.” “Okay.” say the beta kids. [pulling out their weapons.] The trolls tried to run away and got killed by jack noir. But the kids were upset and got ready for battle and had a nice time fighting but then died to jack noir. Then the game kills John, but john comes back to life and wanders around skaia and meets WV. And John can stay alive a little longer, if he wants that’s fine. ~Now theres more trolls~ Like humans but grey and with horns, symbols, coolorful blood, quirks, ocs, and buckets. It’s time for who’s going to be the next leader. Sollux wanted it to be terezi, but terezi didn’t want to lead. So he tries to get someone else to be the leader of the red team, but no one wants to. So who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your husktops. And everyone voted so hard Karkat got angry and started yelling. Sollux actually didn’t care, he didnt want to play anymore anyways. And the entire game broke into pieces. Karkat became leader and the game was ok for a short period. Knock knock. It’s Vriska. No, she doesnt want to take over, she just wants to be a hero. By creating Jack noir. And killing Tavros. So that’s great. But everyone is still fighting each other. Now with Gamzee! Wouldn’t it be nice to be safe for once, with no one out to kill you? This troll (Eridan) Kills Feferi and Kanaya, but is then chainsawed in half by a vampire who came back to life. Surprise surprise, Gamzee’s on a murderous rampage. On that rampage, one troll named Equius gets killed and Nepeta is upset. Who also gets killed. Vriska is just about to go fight jack noir but he kills everyone else, so Terezi uses her seer powers to kill her and keep this from happening. And then she felt really really bad. “We are going to breed frogs and hopefully win the game” said Dave who tried but jack noir came and he died. But before he died his past self became his sprite and was now hanging out with his bro until jack noir came again. And jack noir was like “yeah right, it’s not gonna be a happy ending, you’re gonna die. Cuz I’m angry.” And so he killed Bro and almost Davesprite, who had his wing cut off and somehow bleeds despite being a sprite. A lot of people hate Jack, but Jade was just kinda ok with him. Someone comes and kills jade, and jack gets mad. Jack kills him, but jade is still dead. ~Cascade~ And Jack takes Jade to the quest bed to go dog tier and save everyone’s life. But don’t get confused, Dave and Rose set off the tumor. And they died on their quest bed and ascended in the green sun with Aradia and Sollux who were also there. PM got a ring and looked just like jack. Except for the whole black and white thing, but they were equal in every other way. Now that everyone’s going somewhere we change povs to the alpha kids. There was Jane, Roxy, Jake, and Dirk who were the “ancestors” of the beta kids. Except there was betty crocker, carapaces, sburb alpha, gcat, and looming death. They tried to play the game and failed miserably so Dirk had to save their asses. We’re talking time shenanigans on rocketboards while freestyling and jumping through portals to all meet up, maybe even sea hitler. Over time they met Caliborn and Calliope and met with the others and– Knock knock. It’s the Trickster Arc. With drugs. And candy. Drug candy. “Come, play with us. Stop, running away.” said the Tricksters. There was really nothing they could do so they got high on candy and got to their quest beds but then had a hangover and died in a fire. They ascended and got thrown in jail by jade and jane. “That sucks!” They said. “This sucks!!” And with help from John’s retcon powers they got out. And somehow Jake had an imaginary dirk and had a hope temper tantrum, which jade couldn’t do anything about. Then she got crushed by a falling tower. And everyone else finally caught up, and was like “oh no.” And then the becs caught up and everyone was like “Oh no.” And you know what else was bad? That’s right, Fish hitler. So what did she do? Join the party. The becs start to take jade from under the tower and start to fly away. And Dave rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop no you cant do that we were gonna heal her with Jane’s lifey powers to save her” and they fly away anyways with Dave in pursuit. Then, Terezi finds Gamzee and they talk about their feelings. Did I say talk? I meant kick each others asses. And Jake says “Can you maybe chill?” And Gamzee says “How bout maybe YOU chill?” John kinda hates Caliborn. You’ll never guess who kinda hates John. Caliborn! So John and Caliborn start fighting because they really hate each other. Feeling really confident, John beats the shit out of caliborn and then gets zapped away with retcon powers. ~It’s time for s game over~ Everyone’s about to die. Because Aranea decided to do something different and everyone’s freaking out and Fish Hitler is about to fucking kill everybody. Meanwhile, Gamzee is still kicking Terezi’s ass and Karkat is *ANGRY.* and the next thing he does is get stabbed in the gut by Gamzee and enrages Kanaya. Kanaya slices Gamzee in half, who still has this fucking codpiece, because he killed Karkat who was friends with Kanaya and Karkat wanted to save Terezi who was getting beat up by Gamzee because of a terrible Kismesis. Err, actually, it probably wasn’t a kismesis at all. And Kanaya had a chainsaw. So you know what that means, duhh. ~Meanwhile with Aranea~ Aranea tries to stab Jane, which she wanted to do anyways. So she sort of manipul8ed a sword her way, but then Jake blocked it! And then the sword stabbed Jane too because swords are long. Now Dave and the Becs are at Jade’s questbed and congratulations, becs, you dropped her there and are now going to fight Dave 2 on 1 with totally unfair odds all for something really stupid that really shouldn’t have happened. And yes, Dave ends up dying to both of them at once. And also Sea Hitler kills Kanaya with a laser of death which makes rose ~super pissed~ And she starts charging at condy who kills her with a trident. That was bad but Roxy saved her from complete obliteration with voidy powers so that’s ok I guess. Planets are thrown around and Condy chokes Aranea who is like “noo don’t do that its mean and i have the ring of life which means im not supposed to be able to die…” And Condy said ~“how bout I do, anyway?”~ And Condy flipped the ring off her finger, and everyone’s pretty much dead now. You’ve got mail! Its from Terezi, who somehow isnt dead. She wants John to fix everything and keep everyone from dying. This was also forwarded to Roxy. They all decided to because they were alive. ~It’s time for S collide~ Vriska is alive in the new timeline who talked to some kids, then some more kids, then some more more kids on how to fight and terezi has a mental br8kdown and sees other timelines and is like “holy shiiit” and she sees another vriska and terezi together because they are ~good friends~ and then the omegapause happened and everyone started crying because “homestuck isnt updating so i dont know what to do. Plus there’s undertale and thats pretty cool.” Suddenly there’s upd8s again and everyone starts fighting but with a little less death. Less death than any other big flash, ever. Somehow. But they still get their asses kicked, things look bad for them, but suddenly heir of grief and serenity happened and they started kicking ass. But then Dirk gets Dirkapitated in the fight by Dave and they use timey powers to get out alive. Jack’s head explodes. And then Roxy kills Condy and everyone’s really happy. And PM punches Jade in the face because she was upset. And she cuts off jacks arm after a literal eternity of being threatened. And she punches him in the face too. (you win) After all this shit Jade finally makes the universe frog with just enough ingredients for a ~whole new universe~ and everyone is happy and free in the new universe. And also not dead. They make can town and repopulate earth. But then again Vriska is still gone and no one knows where she is for some reason. ~~bye~~

[scaredgirlsilly]

Show us the Homestuck! 👀

ok so i just wrote everything under the cut and its. Alot Of Words HDKAJFKSVJFKD its literally an entire story outline of the entire fan session. i would feel bad but 1. you asked for it 2. you are on anon so no ones even gonna get a notification for this and 3. its my blog and i get to be autistic about my own stories ::P

merp (and anyone else currently reading homestuck really) stop reading here until youve finished homestuck. i dont even know if it spoils anything for you merp but just in case

first things first there are some foundational beliefs and opinions that make my fan session what it is and i feel like i need to say them

the game is an analogy (or allegory or metaphor i never know what is the correct one) for real life. everyone tells you that there is a correct way to go through life but then everything goes to shit and youre off that path before you even had a chance to start. this works with homestuck insanely well and one of the main reasons i connect with it

there is no ideal sburb session. not only have we not seen one and i dont even know if there are any sburb games besides the ones we see and the dancester trolls, but if there actually is an ideal sburb session, it kinda goes in the face of it being an alagory for life and how it never goes how you expect it to go

i will add a bunch of stuff outside of what we see in homestuck and some of it may contradict what is stated in homestuck, especially when it comes to the rules of sburb. i dont think the exact rules of sburb matter as much as what sburb as a concept really is, which is a nigh-omnipotent and omnipresent force that makes kids go through trauma to give them a "character" arc. it is a story generator so that the next universe can have heroes, while weeding out those too weak to even get to the part where they make a new universe. this is fucked up and bad and kinda evil and i really wish homestuck focused more on how fucking crazy evil sburb was but it got caught up in a bunch of other shit so thats why i made this

also this is gonna be so fuckin long even if i try to summarize it as much as possible cause its pretty much the entire story of the fan session, but you are on anon so i dont care that im infodumping right now cause no ones gonna read this far

anyways. ONTO THE ACTUAL FANSESSION

it starts put in 2015, after a mysterious delay of the sburb launch back in 2009. after so long, it is finally coming out!!

we follow 6 kids, all around the age of 19 (they would have been 13 if sburb came out when it was originally supposed to back in 2009)

Anna (she/her), a no nonsense, kinda autistic tabletop wargamer. Think the vibes of kanaya but the convictions of vriska. if she believes she knows whats best, only god can stop her from doing it. very egalitarian, very "ends justify the means" but she isnt like. also kinda intense but she knows that so she knows to tone it down when the moment calls for it

Noah (he/they), an excitable and cripplingly bisexual graffiti artist, his friends mean the world to him and he would do anything for them. a bit of anarchist leanings, but he hasnt really delved into theory much cause hes got other stuff to worry about. extremely outgoing and could probably talk to anyone. Anna and Noah have been kinda flirty/close for a while now and it kinda makes the others sick

Drew (he/him), an adorable farm hand who looks up to those western lone wolf hero types in movies and tries to emulate that, but is too much of a pure soul to ever be mean, so he just kinda acts weird sometimes. Wears a lil cowboy hat and vest and talks and types in a weird southern accent. no one knows if its fake or not

Kate (she/they), a bubbly gymnist who loves talking a bit too much. shes really only doing all this cause her friends are begging her to (and something about the end of the world?? she doesnt really know milo can say some wild stuff sometimes :P )

speaking of, Milo (they/them), an audiophile who has stopped talking as much, kinda ever since the original beta got delayed. everyone else worries about them but they insist they are fine whenever pressed. has been begging everyone to get the game since it was announced, which has been the most hes talked in the group in a long while

and finally, Skye (she/her), a quiet girl who likes nature. usually lurks, but will join the group calls just to be quiet during them. also not as enthused about the game as the others but hey, its better than anything shes got goin on.

gonna try to speed up with the rest of this but you need to know about them cause its like mainly character driven

first act is them getting all the stuff ready, connecting to each other, normal act 1 highjinks. the main thing is when it gets to milo (who actually is last in the order to get revealed idk why i didnt right it like that. the order is anna, noah, kate, drew, skye, milo) where it shows milo in his house, before it fades away and reveals they are in a dream bubble wearing an heir of doom godhood. they are also 13, where everyone else is 19.

the first act culminates in a flash (no clue if i could actually do it but in my head its a dope ass flash set to Planet Telex by Radiohead) where everyone enteres the game at the same time. Milo, being in a dreambubble, asks kate to set up a second computer for them so they can actually play. She does, and milo jumps on the meteor heading for Kates house before it hits the portal, and when it ends up above kates house, they fly down, watch kate enter the game, and really quickly set up their connections, finish the loop, and enter the game just in time. the flash ends with shots of their lands which i have not figured out jdkskfhahf

act 2 is just sburb hijinks. they hang out, grow closer, talk alot cause yk its homestuck jfkshdk. the main developments are noah and anna growing even closer with a cute lil sparring match before ending by planning a date, skye and kate growing closer and skye getting a bit of a crush, and drew and milo grow closer (but not romantically cause milos 13) because milo is a fuckin ghost and has been isolating themself from the group and drew has taken note and pretty much been like "whatever your goin through, ill be there for you"

there are other scenes i just havent written them/thought them out yet

this all takes place over like a few weeks btw

then its one of the kids' birthdays!! they are all together for the first time in a little bit, and one of them (probably anna) asks what the deal with milo is. after some hesitation he tells them this

milo is from an alternate timeline where they all entered the game in 2009 and everyone died. turns out it was a doomed session. before milo dies, being the last kid alive, they go to talk to their denizen. the denizen tells them that they were not supposed to play the game. the main heroes of earth (i forgot what they were called i know they were called something like the alpha kids were the nobles but i forgot what the beta kids were called anyways its the beta kids) were supposed to be the only ones to play, and because so many people are playing the game, its messing with skaia and causing a ton of glitches to happen in the beta kids' game. but, like everyone else, milo has a choice. let this timeline fade, allowing skaia to focus solely on just the beta kids, but they will not be able to live in the dream bubbles. Or, create an offshoot timeline, leave the beta kids to die in their horribly glitched session, and have another chance as the main heroes of that timelines earth, knowing that success is still not a certainty. Milo, being a 13 y/o who misses their friends and doesnt give a fuck about a bunch of "heroes" chooses the second option. this causes the offshoot timeline where sburb is delayed, and milo has to sit in the dream bubbles until the game eventually releases. oh uh that also killed milo like to get them in a dream bubble their denizen just fuckin killed them like falling fuckin rock just instant death.

the others are horrified to hear that they all died and milo is the only one who survived (but didnt actually survive, they just can do alot more as a ghost cause they are an heir of doom) and it starts to set in the actual stakes of the game

anna pulls milo aside after the party (which has supremely fucked vibes after milos revelation) to ask them more about the game. after hearing milos story, it only invigorated her more to figure out exactly how to get them through the game. noah tags along cause hes bored and anna and noah havent left each others side in weeks.

milo is answering annas questions about the game to the best of their ability, but the topic of the alpha timeline pops up. noah asks further and milo obliges (same stuff we know, but they word it slightly wrong cause they dont know the full picture). milo days that the alpha timeline is, to their limited knowledge, the correct timeline that leads to a successful end of the game, and every other timeline is a dead timeline that skaia prunes to keep focused on the correct timeline. noah asks what they mean by "prunes" the other timelines, and milo says that everyone is killed in them. noah then asks why everyone died in milos session and if they are from one of those dead timelines, and if so, what happened to the correct timeline. milo says that the way anna explained it before she died in milos session (who was a time player in milos session but aspect is based on personality so she might not be anymore), was that some sessions dont have a correct timeline, so every timeline eventually gets pruned, and there isnt any way to fix it. noah gets frustrated, before getting up to leave, anna asking if they are ok, and noah saying hes fine he just needs some air. anna is worried, but continues to ask milo about the game

noah then sulks off and talks to himself about how fucked up that is, and kinda has a panic attack about what if they are in a doomed timeline now without even knowing. he then sets off to find out if they can escape a doomed timeline, and if not, if they can escape the game entirely.

also uhhhh i forgot to say this before but the prospit dreamers are noah, drew, and kate. and the derse dreamers are anna, milo, and skye

we then get a batch of a few standalone relationship moments, just some moments of them hanging out like before the party but this time their is a notable air of urgency to what they are doing. i havent really written them yet but noah and anna have a bit of an argument, because anna, while still agreeing that sburb is super fucked up, sees the fucked up stuff sburb does as motivation to get through the game as fast as possible, while noah sees it as reason to try and escape before they get killed for no reason with no way to stop it. this rift starts to spread to the others before it culminates in one last conversation between noah and anna

noah says that he is gonna leave. hes figured out a way that might work. turns out the universe is just a huge bubble that you can leave. anna laughs at that, asking if he really thinks that is gonna work. noah gets exasperated, saying he doesnt really know but he has to try. its better than sitting around and waiting to die. anna snaps back saying that that isnt what they are doing. they dont have any evidence to believe they are in a doomed timeline, and in fact noah leaving might be the action that dooms everyone. noah says that he has to leave, he says sorry, walks closer for one last embrace from anna, but she denies it and and says "if you are really going to do this, then im going to stop you. i hope you see the error of your ways before it comes to that" and she walks off

as this is happening, milo and drew find drews quest bed. drew says that noah has already talked to him about leaving and is telling milo. drew says he may leave, because all this pressure to do what sburb wants is kinda getting to him. milo goes quiet, before saying "i get it, but. please dont. i dont want what i did to be in vain". drew says that milo can join them!! but milo shakes his head, saying they have sacrificed too much already, before saying "well... heres your quest bed" and turning around before drew could see the tears in their eyes.

"h- how am i s'posed ro use this dang thing?" says drew

milo turns to drew with tears in his eyes, but a small playful smile creeps onto his face, before saying "you kill yourself on it. duh" and flying off

from another spot on the planet, various bugs are flying around, and in the distance a huge yellow beam erupts into the sky, showing a winged symbol in the air

The Knight of Hope has ascended

(they didnt have yellow text thats the best i got)

Noah to kate and skye, who are having a little picnic, but arent talking much as they were distracted by the beam in the sky (drew god tiering)

Noah breaks it down for them and asks them to go, and kate says that she will, but skye says she wont. she says that that is a huge decision to make without much proof, and she cant with good conscience leave anna behind. shes the space player, and she is needed to make the genesis frog. if she leaves, it really will be a dead timeline no matter what. noah says he understands, gives her a big hug, and starts to leave. Kate is crying as skye turns to her and apologizes. kate grabs her and kisses her, tears welling in both of their eyes, before saying that she wishs she could stay, and shes sorry for leaving, and if they find each other again, she will never leave her side. noah calls after kate, but she asks for just one more moment, and noah says of course before leaving to talk with drew and get his answer and milos answer

the people who are ready to leave are noah, drew, and kate

the people staying behind are anna, milo, and skye

i am not entirely happy with kate and drews motovations i feel its a little weak but also i havent even started writing it so fuck you

noah, now dead set on leaving, goes to meet with anna one final time. he tells her whos going with him, and that she can come with him too, because if she decides to leave, the others will probably join her. she says that that is exactly why she has to stay. someone has to do the work, and after half of the group leaves, shes the only one that can get any results. noah remarks on how distant shes acting, and she says that he can fix that by not leaving. he says he cant do that, and anna says "i knew you would say that" before pulling out her rapier and attacking

(sorry i forgot to do their weapons uhhhh the ones i know so far are drew who has a revolver, anna who has a rapier, and noah who has a firemans axe)

act 2 concludes with another flash, this time set to Mood Swings by Human People. They have a hard fight, mirroring their sparring match from early act 2, but this time anna isnt holding back. she slices noah up and gets him to a pretty bad spot before it cuts to drew. drew sees himself and a beat to shit noah pop out of nowhere with the tume turn tables, drew from the future gives current drew a copy of the turntables (specifically not to make a loop with them) and tells him to go save noah. drew shows up just in time to see anna about to make the killing blow on noah, and drew, tears welling in his eyes, says sorry and pulls out his revolver and shoots anna in the head. he then grabs noah, uses the turn tables to go back, and the flash fades as we see anna bleeding out on the floor, as milo and skye get to her right at the end of the flash

act 3 starts with drew taking noah to his quest bed, and lying him on there. noah then ascends

The Prince of Blood has ascended.

simultaneously, skye and milo brought anna to her quest bed, where she ascends as well.

The Thief of Mind has ascended.

Noah and drew go to meet up with kate at her quest bed, as she goes to god tier. she is the last of the people who are going to leave, and they need every advantage they can get

(something) of Breath has ascended.

(idk what class shed be hfkshdjd sorry)

They then get to the edge of the session, giving it one last look, before leaving.

ok so uhhhh the rest i have no clue jfkshdjs except for literally the last flash. like everything between now and the end (pretty much the entirety of act 3) i have no clue. but on annas side, she gets alot more controlling and aggressive, eventually stooping to using her thief of mind powers to mind control them (taking their mind) into doing what she wants. shit gets mad fucked up in there

i literally hsve no clue what noah and the gang do. there is a bit of a romance between drew and noah just cause i really want them to fuck nasty, but nothing serious comes of it and they are both chill with it. its kinda like a summer fling but they are traveling through the very edges of paradox space. probably like hiding from the horror terrors?? idk i have a theory that the horror terrors are all like players that have gonethrough the ultimate self shit, so maybe they go to talk to the horrorterrors and its like a physical manifestation of like a forum board?? idk that could be neat

noahs team and annas team still keep in contact somewhat, but not much. noah keeps trying to contact anna, but after she doesnt respond for a bit and noah keeps trying, she blocks him.

eventually noah and the gang figure out a way to be safe outside of the control of skaia and sburb, and he says that if the others want, noah and them can pretty much head back to get them. milo and skye agree because...

eventually, anna finds out that the session was doomed from the start and she is obviously devastated by the knews, cause that means that all of the bad shit she did, all of the friends shes lost, were all for nothing. act 3 ends on that and act 4 is just one last flash

the flash is set to Souk Eye by Gorillaz, and it starts with skye and milo grabbing a destraught anna who is just lying on the ground crying. they drag her to where noah said to meet up with them, and anna locks eyes with noah. at first she averts her gaze, but all she sees is the session, now in ruin as the war on skaia is raging on with the prospitans losing badly, and several of the planets overrun with various monsters. the session is in ruin. she looks back to meet noahs gaze, assuming she will see nothing but malice, but he just smiles and floats towards her.

drew flies into milo, giving them a huge bear hug and saying that he really missed them. kate tackles skye with kisses, joking about how he had to hear drew and noah fuck way more than she would have wanted for one life, and noah puts hid hand on annas cheek, before she kisses him like super hard like one of those kisses where they grab the others face and kiss them like its the last thing they will ever do, and they just sit like that. finally reunited, the session in ruins behind them, but they have each other, so its ok. anna breaks free of the kiss, and they all leave the session, and set off for a life beyond sburb.

the end.

uhhhh yeah idk if thats what you expected like a whole fuckin story HDKAKFLHA but. yeah thats what i had written for my fan session. im not gonna get into the themes and stuff cause ive already written so fucking much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but yeah. thats ir ^u^