#OH it's been a while since i've had a good tag ramble on a post thats literally one line long

[avocado-frog]

dylan is a "would you still love me if i was a worm" character by the way

[noxtivagus]

good morning

[not-5-rats]

It's been a while since I posted Bug questions...here 🤲

1) what's a nickname you have for your Bug?

2) uh oh your Bug is dead, again, is any of their family at their funeral?

3) does your Bug have any disabilities?

4)

a. a song ur Bug likes?

b. a song that makes u think of ur Bug?

(lil note, I know i always say this but...I ramble, alot. The scenarios ain't even that interesting but I'm ranting anyways...so ehmmmmm extreme rambles warning)

5) scenario #1! (new Markins lore characters!?!?! :0000)

Bug had been out to town that day, they needed to collect some more resources and was finally making their way back to the house. They were walking through the forest when they heard two voices arguing, they hid behind a tree to try and listen into what was being said

"I told you we should turn back! I mean think about it, it's been years! He's probably gonna turn us away-"

"Harper! We've been over this, he told us we could always come to him if we needed support"

Bug leaned around the tree, cautiously peering around it. As they did they spotted two people, a taller, more feminine individual with brown and blue hair was stood beside a shorter individual with darker hair and glowing yellow eyes

"Yeah back when Milo was around! Back when we were linked in some way! Now we're just a couple of old strangers, begging for a place to stay!"

"I've told you already, he won't mind. We may not have been as close to him as we were Milo but we were still good friends...Chester wouldn't turn us awa-"

Bug stepped back slightly, trapping a twig under their foot. It snapped, the sound startling the two strangers, they jumped slightly and the taller ones hand seemed to reach into their pocket as though they were preparing for an attack...but when they saw Bug they both calmed slightly

"Holy shi-! Oh- apologies, you startled us-"

The shorter spoke first

"Apologies if we disturbed you, we were on our way to a fr-"

"A walk!" The other interrupted, who still appeared a bit shaken by Bugs arrival "we were out on a walk and we're heading home now, sorry for distrupting your da-"

"Harper! We were looking for a friends house, Chester Markins, you wouldn't happen to know where he's staying would you?"

Do you know him?

6) scenario #2

The garden. When where they not in the garden. For some reason Chester bad been quite...ehm...clingy? recently, he was constantly dragging Bug outside so they could spend time together, chilling with them in the house, tagging along to their training, he just seemed to be around all the fucking time

Bug had mixed feelings on this, sure some company was nice but this? This was too much

They were once again in the garden, Chester rambling abt whatever flower was sat infront of them. Bug couldn't deal with this anymore, sure flowers are cool, sure seeing him so happy was cool but they were tired.

"Why are you doing all this?"

Bug spoke, their vocie was louder than usual and a bit more assertive, Chester seemed slightly suprised, confused even. He glanced back at them, then back at flowers

"All what?"

They sighed, clearly irritated, they explained that they were tired of him acting like an overly attached dog, following them around for no clear reason. They were annoyed that they never got a break. Chester didn't seem upset, he just stared at them as they spoke...and smiled slightly when they finished

"Ah, sorry *Bug* I, didn't mean to be so...ehm, intrusive. I- I'm...gonna go, give you some space"

He stood up, walked away and left Bug in a tense silence. They sat there for a moment...they were happy to finally gave some peace but maybe they could have been a bit less...loud with him. Their mind went black, they zoned out slightly...then a paper airplane landed infront of them. They looked at it, then up to see who threw it. There stood Fran, she pointed to the plane then made a gesture indicating they should open the plane

Inside there was a note, it said

'I no hes anoyeeng annoying but I promise there a reason hes following you, it's the anuversy anniversy aniversary anniversary of Milos deth today. He gets woreed worried when its coming up, he worries somebody he cares about is going to get hurt. It can be difficult but don't be to upset with Chez, please'

(She's tried her best, spelling is hard)

They look back up only to see Fran's dissapeared, they were left alone in the garden with the note

What do they do?

Tags -

@rozeliyawashereyall @willowve01 @asmrbrainrot @kaiamtt @iistxrmyskyii @insignificant-anarchy @aspenm00n @keyaartz @fangsshadow @rustycopper4use @piffany666 @dreamyshape @lunaritychuwolf @littlesiren79 @castbracelet240 @strayharmony943 @proxdragon @tiefling-chaos @threeweekinsomnia @recated @wilderrorcard @diamondzoey @fennaboysenberry @lunnats @lightdragon789 @pinkcocopuff-aqualoid @astralbulldragon13 @ccstiles @puffin-smoke @fruity0salad @takashishihoin @reefhastoomanyaccs

[uchiha-gaeshi]

Please please PLEASE tell me how your Founders SIs would cause problems and make everything worse forever. I always thought the problem with the founders era is that there aren't ENOUGH things going wrong all the time. <3

The Naruto Warring States Era SI/OC Fic That May Never Be Written: The Elevator Pitch

Ok, so I'll try to make this as coherent as I can, but fair warning that there will be lots of rambling. I really wanted to make this as polished as possible, since this is basically like my (long ass fuck) elevator pitch for the fic, but I'm living by the "perfect is the enemy of good" mantra these days, so I don't want to delay this further. I highly encourage y'all to ask me more questions about this, because I've definitely missed certain details. I don't think just one post will do this justice. In the future, I'll probably have a specific tag for this (besides #the si/oc fic that may never be written).

TLDR: Two SIs (self-insert original character) are isekai'd into the Naruto Warring States Period and are born as the younger siblings of Hashirama and Madara. One SI tries to secure peace (post Konoha founding) by forming a world government and making the narutoverse extremely reliant on Konoha's expensive yet life-saving pharmaceuticals. The other basically tries to kill all the daimyo one by one and permanently destroy the feudal system from the bottom up. This is all happening at the same time, and at every point in the story, from birth to death, each SI gets in the way of the other...even though they are (or were) the same person.

Let me first introduce you to the self-insert characters.

Senju Tsukasa (working name, please give me name recs), who is Hashirama's 2nd youngest brother

Uchiha Takaya, who is Madara's 2nd youngest brother

in case you were wondering, both characters are Geminis. Oh, an they're overpowered. Does that help the universe? If anything, it probably makes things worse (this is the "overpowered characters make waves" time period of the overpowered characters shonen manga, the last thing the world needs is another 2 OP shinobi).

Neither character knows of the other's existence...yet. But, that's not the biggest catch. The catch is that they actually lived the same life in the past (i.e. they're *technically* the same person). Both characters, however, have wildly different opinions on how to "fix" canon. Here, I should mention that the characters are technically semi self-inserts in the sense that they have (at least what I think are) common Naruto fandom takes (e.g. "ooohhh Madara just wanted power/was just sad cus his little bro died," "the only bad thing about Hashirama was that he was naive," "if it wasn't for Izuna dying everything in the village would have been peachy" and so on and so forth).

Additionally, while I'm basing some of their personality traits off of me (or, for instance, if Tsukasa is say 12, Tsukasa would have some traits that 12 year old me had...but child soldier edition), I have to give the disclaimer that these characters are, like their canon counterparts, also fictional (so don't look at me funny if they do some crazy shit, it runs in both of their families). Going back on the subject of "fixing" canon, when it comes time to think about that, their first knee-jerk question is "how do I make sure that Madara/my brother doesn't become evil (or doesn't leave Konoha)." But, in their quest to shape the universe, the universe ultimately shapes them.

I'll first start by describing Uchiha Takaya, who I think might be the more interesting character, at least in the beginning of the story.

Figuring out a name for this character was surprisingly simple. I based their name on the headcanon that Madara's siblings' names are inspired from the Five Mountains of Northern Shinshu. Takaya, however, is the odd sixth child (not in terms of birth order), so where do they fit into this naming scheme? Well, (according to Japanese Wikipedia), in some tourist guides, Mount Kousha takes the place of Mount Myouko in the Five Mountains, so I thought "teehee, I'm gonna use that to name my character." An alternative reading for Mount Kousha (高社山 こうしゃさん) is Mount Takayashiro. I layer another headcanon that most Uchiha names are 3 syllables in length, and that's how "Takaya" was derived.

After the initial shock of being a newborn again but with memories of another more comfortable life swimming in their head (along with information about their family's life??? What the hell is going on with that??), Takaya comes to some dawning conclusions:

1) Oh shit, my entire family is gonna die (and not in the sense of oh we're shinobi in the middle of a never-ending war with the Senju, but in the sense that they'll be almost completely gone within 3-5 generations, leaving behind a single child (our boy Sasuke) who has to live with the burden of having no family)

2) their kind older brother Madara becomes... that. And even though there's a very low chance (generally speaking) that they'll live past say 14, Takaya tries their darndest to ensure the wellbeing of their clan and of their brothers as long as they are alive. This is done in two fronts, which eventually combine into one:

a) Finding a way to beef up the Uchiha's medical facilities.

I headcanon that the Uchiha had like *some* medical knowledge; I mean you have to have some kind of procedure when one of your clan members inevitably gets stabbed, slashed, or burned. But, this medical knowledge oftentimes fell short, so many Uchiha shinobi didn't necessarily die on the battlefield but back at the clan compound or the medical tents due to injuries. This is how Izuna probably died, and Tobirama asked of Izuna the next time his clan confronted the Uchiha (or just Madara???) because he might have assumed that the Uchiha had medical knowledge comparable to the Senju (who along with other clans like the Hyuga and Nara are the cream of the crop when it comes to medicine during this time period, at least in my headcanon) and assumed that his nemesis was like recovering from the injury, not dead.

Idk yet how I'll handle things like infection and disease. I'll have to absorb some more SI/OC fanfics (and Warring States Era fanfics in general) so that I'm more familiar with common tropes and can deconstruct them from there. One SI/OC fic I've been meaning to read is Sanitize, which deals with the disease/infection prevention aspect of medical care before Konoha's founding. Regardless, I think that using the Mystical Palm Technique on serious wounds could decrease the likelihood of a wound becoming infected, so it'll be a super useful technique for clans that don't already have knoweldge of this jutsu.

The lack of medical knowledge/techniques becomes apparent to Takaya when one of their siblings dies in a similar manner -- they get injured and die after days, maybe weeks, in agony. They remember the glowy hands technique they saw in the show, and go, "is there a way we could do that to help our clan members?" Honestly, this part is a bit shaky since information during this time is quite siloed, and Takaya quickly learns that you gotta break a few eggs to make an omlette.

b) Securing the bag.

Here, I'm rely on the headcanon that the Uchiha were, relatively speaking, at least poorer than the Senju. I'll need to figure out how big the gap is, however, between the Senju and say the daimyo and rich nobles, the Senju and the Uzumaki (I want them to be bougie shinobi lmao), and the Senju and the Uchiha (I mean after all, the Uchiha gained notoriety for being elite shinobi, so I don't think they'd always be on the brink of starving to death, but I'd like to hash ideas out with others on this). Even if the Senju are relatively well-off, they won't be rich enough to like completely stop relying on mercenary work, and the samurai and other people in the upper echelons of society will make it very clear that the Senju aren't all that because their line of work is inherently dishonourable. Iirc, in the past (in our world) social status and wealth didn't always go hand in hand, so going by that (if I'm not too wrong haha) you could have poor samurai (I think this happened irl) and nobility who for one reason or another lost their wealth, and you could have people in the lower strata of society who were loaded.

Anywho, overtime it becomes clear to Takaya that things between the Uchiha and their longtime rivals aren't as "equal" as they thought, and they along with Izuna (they become the scheming duo heehee) start scheming up multiple "get rich quick" schemes for the Uchiha that extend beyond taking the highest paying mission, inevitably having to duke it out with the Senju, and having at least one person die gruesomely. These schemes include (I should mention that this is gonna be a semi-crack fic):

Taking advantage of Hashirama's gambling addiction early (when he's like 12) and figuring out a way to make his main coping mechanism gambling instead of idk meditating under the trees. This way, even if a mission isn't successful, they still indirectly get the mission money.

Offering medical services for a (very hefty) fee. This might be a first for a shinobi clan to do, and it obviously comes with some risks, but in a war-torn world it is a pretty lucrative field of business. Takaya is very clear, however, that the Uchiha are offering medical services solely for the money, not out of charity or goodwill. Takaya develops a "fuck you I have mine" mentality. While they're extremely empathetic and caring, that compassion only extends to their family, their clan members, and maaaaybe the few allies the Uchiha have. They don't have the emotional capacity to care about anyone else, so they don't. So, if someone begs them to offer medical services for their sick mother and they can't pay, Takaya will walk away with no issue (they will be tossing and turning at night, but that's only because they drank too much water before bed, right?)

Honeypot missions with a twist (this one might be like 70% Izuna's idea tbh). The Uchiha don't really engage in honeypot/seduction missions in the traditional sense (honestly I probably need more exposure to the honeypot/seduction trope) because of the whole securing the bloodline thing, but there are ways around this. Basically, there will be a unit of Uchiha who specialize in a specific kind of seduction mission where they basically pull a Cardi B on unsuspecting clients; that is, they roofie the client and steal their money pouch and any other valuables then leave them to wake up in the middle of a dirt road

(I should note that I am a beginner writer and have very little experience writing actual fics. I'm quite good (I think) at coming up with ideas (often very strange) while I'm showering or cooking, but I'm working on improving my follow-thru game. This process, however, is slow due to executive functioning shit and current life circumstances. So, some ideas or plot bunnies might not make sense. I'd really love to hash out and polish these ideas with more experienced minds.)

In terms of finding a solution to achieve peace with the Senju, that part is... complicated. Why? The Senju, even under Hashirama, haven't really proven themselves as trustworthy enough to be allied with the Uchiha, centuries-long blood feud aside (for reasons I gotta hash out, anyone have ideas?). Additionally, some...other developments arise that make Takaya go, "you know what? Maybe I am sick of war (it always twists their stomach whenever they can't save a patient, especially if that patient is a kid), not to mention it's hurting our clan financials, but I'd rather we maintain our pride and honour during this horrible time than to be at the mercy of the Senju. Also, fuck Hashirama and Tobirama." (dm me if you want to know what that development is, it's a major spoiler and only adds to the crack nature of the potential fic)

But, for *other reasons* (read: Tsukasa, the other SI, may or may not have beaten the shit out of them), they eventually concede to a ceasefire, then later an alliance with the Senju. Overtime, they do learn to extend compassion to other non clan members, as long as they live in Konoha that is. They expand the business model that prevented the Uchiha from *actually* being on the brink of starvation at the end of the Warring States Era in canon (and having not much choice but to create an alliance with the Senju even if they had to make far too many concessions which when added up over many decades contributed to their demise) to Konoha. They know that war between the villages is inevitable, so depending on how I write this (if I ever do), they'll either try to strongarm (either with force or with economic might) the other villages under Konoha's umbrella to eventually form a "world government" of sorts, or have Konoha sit back as the other villages try to destroy each other, swoop in for medical assistance and reap the profit. If Hashirama (Hashirama does not like Madara's younger siblings in this fic, and the feeling is mutual) looks at them sideways for their skewed morals, they'll just go "why r u upset we haven't killed anyone we just jacked up the price of ninja insulin is all."

Oh, I should also mention that if the Tailed Beasts become an issue, both SIs have no problem with granting these creatures the same fate as in canon; the only thing that differs between them is how they approach the Tailed Beasts. While Takaya might go up to say Matatabi and basically tell her "ok, get in to this scroll," Tsukasa might attempt to convince them that they are safer sealed in a scroll or in a person than they are being out and about (you know how Kinkaku and Ginkaku tried to capture Kurama? Maybe they weren't the only ones trying to do so once the Hidden Village system was established).

Now, it's time to talk about Senju Tsukasa, who is child no. 3. Honestly, trying to name the Senju SI was harder than I thought. I just settled on "Tsukasa," which (according to this website at least) can be used to signify one's connection with nature. It's gonna take a while before I find a good name for this character, but for now Tsukasa is the working name for this SI.

Tsukasa, unlike Takaya, honestly isn't really concerned about "fixing" the future up until their teens. They're too busy having panic attacks, trying not to die, and maybe saving their younger siblings along the way (whether or not they succeed in this I cannot say right now 😶) to really thing about that. Oh, and also getting up to stupid shit when they're not training (like putting weed in Butsuma's porridge. The surprising thing is they don't get caught for a looong time, but one day they slip and start bragging about it to their cousins. One of their cousins snitches on them, and they get the ass-whooping of both of their lives). Besides, what can they do? They can heal, but Hashirama's a better healer. They can definitely hold their own in a fight, but Tobirama is quicker on his feet and better at commanding an army. Their strategy is basically "oh, maybe I'll volunteer to heal Izuna when my brother shanks him" (like that would be an easy task. Hint: probably not likely since if Izuna didn't trust the Senju with an alliance, how would he trust them to heal him?). They, along with certain individuals in their life (again I cannot say right now but if you dm me I might spill), if they don't want to outright wipe the Uchiha off the face of the planet (during this time period all clans wanted this end for their rivals), they take the approach of weakening them, and putting them in the position of having no choice but to accept any terms their rivals/nemesis throws in front of them.

Right now, I don't really have Tsukasa's character and purpose in the story before Konoha's founding (besides foiling all of Takaya's diabolical plans) set quite yet. It's just a bunch of plot bunnies that I'll only remember if you ask specific questions.

Compared to Takaya, Tsukasa doesn't really have a reason for sticking it out during this time of constant war besides "Idk let's find out what happens next," and they oscillate between not caring if they die because they've died once and dying again wouldn't hurt, and not wanting to die because even though they don't remember the whole process or how they got to exist in a world that was only a story in their previous life, they remember it felt like being pulled apart (gee I wonder why) and was likely scary and unpleasant.

Their character really starts to shine once the village is founded, and Tsukasa slowly becomes disillusioned with their older brother's dream (i.e. "what do you mean I still gotta go on assassination missions?!?!??"). They were dumb enough to think that once the village is founded without Izuna (or Madara's other stupid little brother unfortunately) dying, everything would be peachy. But of course, in both this life and in the past life, you gotta find a way to pay the bills, and for 99% of the clans that eventually inhabit Konoha that way has been doing shady shit for rich people for as long as they can remember. It's either business as usual, or their counterpart's own interesting methods of not having Konoha rely on violence (at least, Takaya's definition of "violence") and strife for money.

Ever since they were young, Tsukasa has had a visceral disdain for the daimyo and other rich clients who hire the Senju to deal with dirty business they do not out of "honour," lack of skill, or just cowardice. When the Senju and Uchiha eventually form an alliance, Tsukasa proposes to their brothers that they take it a step further and just kill the Fire Daimyo. For reasons (which I gotta think of ugh), Hashirama and Tobirama disagree and they continue on with their livelihoods as usual. After multiple personal and political developments over the span of at least half a decade or so, Tsukasa becomes fed up, leaves Konoha (might bring some friends with them who knows), and decides to create an old-timey Akatsuki with the goal of completely destroying the feudal system, and the shinobi world as they know it. If their methods eventually put Konoha in a recession then too bad so sad.

If all of this sounds kinda dumb, that's kinda the point. The whole story is doomed from start to finish whether or not these characters exist in the story, and the SIs only make *some* things better, if any, while leaving the world in a messier state than they left it. I do have 2 other SIs (around the main timeline) who have a happier ending and aren't as messed up as the Warring States SIs. But, those haven't been fully developed yet and aren't really my focus at this time.

Also, all of this is subject to change at any time. The idea for this potential fic has changed dramatically over time, especially as my understanding of Naruto (the manga) itself has changed over the past few months. Initially, it started off as an interesting thought exercise (what if you were born into the worst fictional world you can think of? What would you do (besides y’know dying right then and there). From there, the thought exercise got crazier and crazier and more unhinged, with some frankly self-indulgent elements interspersed between the horrors™️. Initially these two characters weren't even supposed to be in the same universe at the same time, but eventually they did because I thought it would be funny as fuck. There are a lot of things that live in my head but have yet to be written down, and some things here that are subject to change in the future once I get a solid handle on the characters, whether they are the SIs, the canon characters, the pseudo-canon characters who are practically OCs (class 1 pseudo-canon (at least 1 line): Izuna, Itama, Mito; class 2 pseudo-canon (no lines): Kawarama, Touka, Hikaku), or the slew of *actual* OCs I’ll have to create (I both dread this yet I’m so excited to create them. I already some ideas for a few).

I'm practically begging people to ask me more questions about this; it might actually motivate me to get over the shame and "he/she/they would NOT say that" in my head and actually write for once. Ask me about their OP abilities, ask me about potential ways they get traumatized, ask me any other question you feel like asking :D

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

I am!!!! Immensely enjoying your blog!!! Because yes yes YES by all means call out the nonsense both canon and fandom pull on Ishvalans!!! I haven't gone to check recently but when I checked a long time ago, the Ishval tag on tumblr was filled with white Amestrian Royai angst... and nary a shred of Ishvalans... BUT ANYWAYS

I don't know who the anon that talked about Scar's religious, theological, and academic pedigree because it's so so so good and I will think about it forever and also it made me think about an AU I haven't touched in a while (because not many are interested in Ishvalan centric thing, much less an OC thing I guess) and I won't rattle your ears about it here obviously I don't wanna bother you with it but man. I had this mixed OC character who's actually Miles' daughter who had Complicated feelings on him bc he was gone far too soon from her life due to getting arrested and held for who knows how long while her Amestrian mother died during that time and she just... fell through the cracks, and in that AU I characterized Miles as “yeah be a model citizen and change how Amestrians view Ishvalans :)” to his young little daughter who faced much bullying and discrimination at school, couldn't pass on any part of their Ishvalan heritage, and as a result the girl... felt insecure in her own blood and belonging and eventually finds a mentor/father figure in Scar and that ask about Scar's role in being a record-keeper and studied his people's history just reminded me of the dynamic the two had in my AU. I think I've rambled enough about my own AU despite saying I won't so I'll end the ask here but thank you for being a ray of hope for me and also hello anon I love you whoever you are!! (I might come back and maybe even off-anon!) Have a nice day, both of you!

Ahhh, thanks for the kind words! I'm always excited to hear how this blog has offered people something the fandom at large doesn't bother with. Scar and the Ishvalans/Ishbalans are so sorely ignored.

I haven't touched the Ishval tag on tumblr, but going by the abysmal results on other platforms that make Ishval and the genocide of Ishvalans all about the damn war criminals, I can't say I'm surprised. It likely hasn't gotten any better since you last checked. :/ Man even what little Scar posts and fanworks I can find often somehow revolve around the war criminals (he's just flavouring for their angst/battles/found family bonding and that content in particular tends to be mad derogatory).

:0! Oh shit, a pair of anons like ships in the night. I hope you two manage to find each other. If you're reading this, cool Miles/Scar shipper anon, you have a kindred spirit here too.

You're welcome to expound on your AU and your oc! If anything, thanks for sharing. Interesting that Miles gets arrested; had he been rounded up by the State for being half Ishvalan, or had he done something that his superiors wanted to punish or suppress? And poor kid got functionally orphaned, all while carrying the burden of "healing" the racism rampant in Amestrian society. It's perfectly in-character for Miles to teach his child that they have to prove to the world that the bigotry they all suffer is wrong, that they are 'worthy' humans all along. He himself seems to think that the racism and fascism Ishvalans are made to suffer from Amestrians is all some "big misunderstanding". That alongside the relentless bullying would mess anyone up, let alone a child.

Finding a mentor in someone who actually loves his people, and who can guide her in seeing where the true problems lie, listen to her pain, and teach her about her heritage (and how to fight) would be a boon to any Ishvalan kid. Scar would make an amazing guardian. 🥺

Aw, you're welcome! I don't know what else to say, but your message made me smile! I hope this blog can continue to be a bright spot for you for as long as you need it. Crossing my fingers that you and the other anon get to connect with one another real soon.

Hope you have a nice day too!

[boyswhowawa]

The Undead Of Winter, Introduction

The Undead of Winter

two slugcats, forever bound to walk the world

things that will forever haunt them echo on the icy winds

things that will forever hurt them watch in dark shadows

but there is never a lack of hope for healing from the things that hide on the edge of your reality

[ A bit more info, Character references, and a special message at the end under the cut! ]

first things first,

The Saint, also called Wallow, White, or Blender

This little guy has gone through. Far. Far too much. But we'll see how things go for him from here

(Pronouns are He/Its)

The Artificer, also called Beasty, Bomber, Heretic, or Booster

This not so little guy has also been through a lot, she's become something a bit more than a little violent rodent nowadays though...

(Pronouns He/She/They)

almost Immediately when I shared the Saint's design with some friends, my friend @draagu (sorry if tagging's not alright let me know and I will nnot do it again) was like "I wanna hug him" (since then I've had at least 5 people say the same thing lasjdfl;akdfjs;aljsf [As they should this man needs many hugs])

so I doodled that

here's a goofier doodle of the two

also featuring a little cameo from some art by @pookapufferfishjsad;lfkjasdf because I did these twos' designs while me and pooka were doing some drawing together

(which was still really fun oh my goodness I'm excited to do it again sometime)

and now!!!

A little bit more of a serious (?? ish??) note

The Undead of Winter is a project I'm really excited for

it's not gonna be anything too massive, but I just hope all who choose to watch and view enjoy the show

this project is going to be very personal for me, I'm leaning on writing styles that comfort me, and choosing to share them because I think it'll be nice, and one thing that comforts me is big angst, and what follows, the big healing

so this is your warning that this one might hurt a little, but it's not my intention to leave you hurting reading this, and i'm sorry if it does

if you're interested in reading along, I'm gonna be tagging all posts related to it with #RW The Undead Of Winter, as well as #RW TUOW

also if you wanna post thoughts or anything like that, please, feel free to come into my asks, or post anything like that with those tags, I really appreciate anything, wether it's constructive criticism, just some gushing about stuff if you feel like it, some feelings it may have given you, or if you doodle anything

I wanna see all of that, preferably, ajsdl;fkaj

I'm gonna have fun doing this

thanks for bearing with me rambling

and i hope you have a good day

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

had to put these on hold for a while for personal reasons </3 they're likely to still be infrequent, but in honor of kirb2k!

(my notes would only load back to mid september so I missed a couple weeks sorry :c but be warned that this is a long one! it's 3 entire months' worth!)

also, reminder that kirb2k ends tomorrow!!! preorders, commissions, and auctions will all close at noon pst on sunday december 17th! everything is linked in the pinned post or filed under the tag kirb2k!

first is one more birthday kirb from my friend @sleepy-sheep-wizard:

Realized halfway thru that I don’t know what Kirby looks like off the top of my head, so I got funky with it. Happy birthday, thank you for being a good friend

thank you again friend <3 getting funky with it is truly in the spirit of just drawing a little guy for fun, I love his little hat in particular.

on [mirror] @shapeshifterwithafez said: uuuh is Scherben bringen Glück/ Shards bring luck a universal saying? sounfs clinky as a direct translation. anyways in germany we say that shards of stuff you broke brings luck so I hope the luck finds you or smth sorry for rambling ^^

I'd never heard this saying before, but I think it's very sweet! thank you for sharing it with me :)

on [pipefight] @hauntedppgpaints said: goalies with a skate blade and their stick in hand

big hockey vibes for real yeah lol

on [pink] @gaydiation-poisoning said: ...I wanna eat that pink

honestly same, it's sooo pleasing

on [rain] @hive-heart said: Everything alright, daily kirby guy?

not really but sitting by the window in the rain is a good thing lol thanks for asking <3

(also the person who tagged that same post myhouse.wad made me laugh)

on [photo] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a picture of their cat and said: get adored idiot!! see the hate in her eyes? I’ll make her love me yet!!

me @ my partner's cat

@violet-dragongirl said: oh! I have been meaning to ask! Have you played Kirby and The Forgotten Lands? I assume you did but just wanted to say that I did about a week ago and I loved it and thought of your art! ^.^ And if you haven't, yes, Carby is super adorable and amazing :3

I have! I got it very shortly after it came out, I had a really good time with it. I've been slowly replaying it recently with my partner, they were kind of fond of kirby just by proxy but since we started playing they adore bandee now and say he never gets enough screen time XD I'm glad you also had fun!

on [mice] @ceylonsilvergirl said: girls like swarms of things, right?

idk bro my wife wasn't so big on it when I got a gig housing 30 mice, but maybe she's weird. I liked them. (sadly one of the best paying jobs I've ever had up until the owner lost it and abandoned them with me, yes I still took care of them for the rest of their little lives) (and yes I also got my wife's okay before I took them on in the first place)

on [covid] @mordantivore said: reading posts from when the era of covid safety was declared anathema and ended is haunting. we were so desperate to find ppl willing to help us stay alive. there are fewer of us now bc “allies” are worthless & more of us have died

yeah. fuck. I'm lucky that the people in closest proximity to me are at least moderately careful, but me and my wife and partner are usually the only ones wearing masks anywhere we go except sometimes the employees and I know they don't always wear them when they're out without me.

on [swim] @northeasternwind said: Jdjdjfkg imagining Kirby being way more bouyant than your average human so them gotta exhale REAL HARD or attach nega-floaties (sinkies?) like weights to dive

lol yeah they probably gotta try So Hard to actually get under the water. (I think diving weights/ballast is a thing that humans use too? I've never gone diving, having my face underwater stresses me out -n- )

on [float] @nickiemoot said: he has to go now. his planet needs him. *slide whistle*

I can only hear this as that one similar part from one of the asdfmovies, it delights me

@vampiricarus said: if you see this just know i love your art so much

aww thank you! <3

anonymous said: just wanted to say I love Kirby and I love your art! I’m always excited to see it on my dash. thank you for bringing a little joy to my life :) I need it once in a while like I’m sure a lot of others do too! Keep up the good work :))

thank you! drawing a little guy brings me a little joy too, I'm glad it can do the same for others <3

on [drain] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m sorry you��re having a rough time. Existing is hard work sometimes. A lot of the time

fuck dude it sure is <3 especially when my body keeps trying to shut down lol

on [mud] @why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken said: Hey man are u doing ok

I am not, thanks for asking <3

on [tummyache] @hobgirl said: :o kirby the gorb why would you do that!!!!! why!!!!!

I didn't want it to go to waste!!! everyone is dumb sometimes!!!

on [wizard] @eau-the-agony said: not enough appreciation in the wizarding world for garlic salt spell. its all kung pow penis tgis and ketamine ape that. not enough of the small joys which carry us through the horrors like a dinky garbage raft

you are so right. the small joys are the most powerful of all.

on [wizard] @beepbeepdespair said: somehow didnt know garlic salt was a thing until this moment. now i really want some. i think i just found a kg of it online for 12 quid??

I am so pleased that you now have the knowledge of Garlic Salt Spell, I hope you got to try it out for yourself :D

on [zelda] @chaos-squared said: Good job!! I’ve had it for longer yet still haven’t completed it ;w;

nothing wrong with that! I only finished it as quickly and thoroughly as I did because I was basically bedridden for all of october, as long as you enjoy the time you do spend with a game it doesn't really matter how much time you spend or how far you get.

on [brave] @gudetamalover said: me tomorrow afternoon when I get all four wisdom teeth out

I'd already had several other oral surgeries on account of Weird Teeth before I got my wisdom teeth out but it still knocked me on my ass for a couple days, I hope your recovery went as smooth as possible! (altho that was also like. 15 years ago. and general anesthesia has gotten a lot better since then.)

on [shiny] @angst-and-fajitas said: Like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head

bald! bald! bald! bald!

on [powerwash] @chronicdilf said: decemberb 16 im goign to walk across the damn stage get my damn diploma folder im going to go home and POWERWASHER SIMULATOR JUST LIKE KIRBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah!!! you're gonna do it!!! you might be doing it right now even!!!

on [cooked] @hobgirl said: oh mood kirby..... struggling with the very last paper i need to write before i can graduate and its got me feeling this way fr

ough, I hope you made it through your paper! lots of people graduating tho that's so cool, congrats to both of you!

on [bears] @jupiterlandings said: I get so happy every time I see Cake and the name Cake being tagged :)

it's such a good name for a bear, I'm grateful you thought of it!! especially given the best I could do for the other one was "kirbear" lol

@violet-dragongirl said: omg seeing that Fav Grobs Post you recently put up makes me so happy! over a thousand (and then some!) GORBS?! :D I'm not only impressed but so proud ya made it this far and I'm so glad you got possibly more to go of Kirby!! :D!! Really great job 🥰🥰

thank you! I'm gonna hit 2000 days of drawing kirby tomorrow, that's so wild!

on [popular] @timeturner-jay said: Op your Kirby art brings so much utter joy you have no idea <3

yay I'm glad <3 I love to draw a little guy, it's good I'm not the only one having fun lol

I got a lot of "good blaze op" on the [macarena], and you're all correct, thank you for recognizing my great decision making B) (I'd been meaning to add the music and blaze it from basically the moment I drew it, I've just been really sick so it took a while.)

(also even if I don't always gather them in the roundup there are names I recognize showing up repeatedly in the tags, some of whom have been here for years, and I'm always glad to see you're still around!)

[lycorisicecream]

Art dump of some old Databrawl OCs from a computer I was working on with an ex-friend (the computer was intended to be explored through an RPGMaker game, he owned RPGMaker while I didn't) below, I still like some of these designs and I want to rework the others into something cooler (and more importantly rename the computer to something else to distance myself from him) There's also some ranting after the images, so keep in mind that

(click the weirdly cropped images in order to view them, idk why Tumblr did that) Mentioning the game thing he barely even worked on it and he completely forgot about it, I lied to him about having forgotten about it too the one time I brought it up to him since I didn't want to be harsh on him and I still feel salty about that since I'm the one who bought him RPGMaker since he had game developer knowledge from Roblox (I have never made a game before so I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do anything if I was the one with the engine)

The plot for the game I mostly forgot, but I remember that Stargazer was trying to take over the computer via controlling others, that Pluto and Eris were siblings (one of them would get controlled by Stargazer and have to get killed by the other, I forgot who), one of the spywares was the weapons shopkeeper while the other one would be hostile at first but join the party later on to help defeat Stargazer (this would've been post-death of one of the siblings), and that the story was linear with the only ending being that of defeating Stargazer. The story was super messy and disorganized from what I recall, I wanted help from the ex-friend in writing it and planning stuff out but he never really bothered

This would've been my 2nd time making an outline of a story planned to be a game (the other time would've been for a project that I don't want to name as I'd rather it be a Yume Nikki styled game now) which explains as to why it was so messy, paired with not getting any help making it so that even if my ex-friend had been working on the game rather than ditching it for his other projects I get the impression that it wouldn't have really been that good of a game

Oh yeah did I mention that said ex-friend was a big bitch when I was excited over things like wanting to write dialog or a non-outline version of the story since he was like "what if the game doesn't work out, you shouldn't move so fast" so I feel like the project in general was doomed thanks to him

But yeah since I've rambled this much you can have some old art of one of my Databrawl OCs that isn't from that computer

He's still alive and around, just VERY traumatized thanks to lore™️ and various actions he's made

I lowkey want to redesign his outfit and claws, I should draw him again since I feel like I've gotten better at drawing Databrawl things

Not tagging this post at all due to it being old art and highly ranty 👍👍👍

[softguarnere]

Fic Writer Interview

Thank you for the tag @mercurygray!

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 6, but hopefully that number will go up over spring break

What's your total AO3 word count?

119,136

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Like A Girl (Like A Man) - Band of Brothers

Just A Kid - The Outsiders

Bear The Burden Alone - The Chronicles of Narnia

For Whatever We Lose - Band of Brothers

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, absolutely! I share my writing because it allows me to connect with people who share my interests. If I'm not posting replies, it feels more like a one sided conversation, imo. Also, it seems the polite thing to do

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

It's about to be Like A Girl (Like A Man)! You'll see why soon >:)

What the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

On AO3, it's probably Bear The Burden Alone, but I try to keep the fics that I post here on Tumblr kinda upbeat with hopeful -- albeit open-ended -- endings.

Do you write crossovers?

Yeah! For Whatever We Lose is actually a crossover with The Pacific, and I'd love to do more crossovers in the future

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep! I've deleted the comments, but some people were VERY ANGRY about the background Babe/Roe content in LAGLAM -- you know, despite the fact that the plot of the fic is driven by a queer woman's decision to cross-dress. Guess they had to draw the line somewhere, but the hypocrisy of it all makes me chuckle

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Kinda? I deleted most of it from the original LAGLAM drafts and instead just alluded to it, but things are going to be different in FWWL. Get ready for crappy ocean metaphors and religious imagery, babes!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not :( That would stink

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I think it would be fun!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Everlark! (said while frothing at the mouth because they make me go insane) I've been obsessed with them since I first read The Hunger Games at age 9. I could write you a whole novel about why I think they're perfect together, but I'll spare you the ramble (unless anyone wants it?)

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Tears in my eyes when I tell you that it's probably the requests in my inbox. I keep telling myself that I'll get to them, but I've just felt unmotivated with all the stuff I've had going on in my personal life/at school. I really really do hope to get to them someday, though, because some of them will be really fun to write

What are your writing strengths?

I have no clue, lol. I tend to get compliments about how I describe settings, so I'm gonna say that!

What are your writing weaknesses?

My abuse of commas and italics.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Personally, I love doing it. Especially in a fic like LAGLAM, where even though most people don't speak the language I'm using (Cherokee), I feel like they can still see the importance to the characters and to the story. And I like tricking people into caring about Indigenous language preservation. My teachers told me that anything can be a vessel for carrying language on, and by God, I took that to heart

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Oh boy. I was in the fifth grade. I had won many writing competitions. Two classmates approached me and told me that they wished The Hunger Games had more post-Mockingjay Everlark content, and that since I was a good writer, they wanted me to write it. I was traded many cosmic brownies and other such snacks throughout the year for my services in providing my classmates with Everlark fics on pages of notebook paper that are probably crumpled up in a landfill by now. At the time, I had no idea I was writing fanfiction, but it was the start of my favorite hobby. Look at me now, baby!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I've always wanted to write for TURN: Washington's Spies but have never had the courage haha

What's your favorite fic you've written?

I have a couple of one-shots that I'm pretty pleased with, but currently I'm going to say LAGLAM because it's been so special to me <3

Tagging (but no pressure!): @almost-a-class-act @latibvles @footprintsinthesxnd @liebgotts-lovergirl

[cookinguptales]

I almost wrote a small essay in the tags of that "fanwork as content" post but realized that it would probably be better off as its own post. So now it's... a large, rambling essay. lmao

Like... to preface, AO3 is great, it's a great resource for fandom, it feels good to have a centralized location that works well. That said, there has been a steady decline in how I've felt treated as an author since we switched to an archive-only model of fic.

For people who are newer to fandom, pre-AO3 (and even in the early days of AO3), people often crossposted fic. Sometimes to websites, sometimes to journals (particularly LJ/DW), sometimes to communities, sometimes to kink memes...

AO3, while certainly one of the primary places you could upload stuff, wasn't necessarily where you would get most of your primary interaction about your fic. It was always designed to be an archive, not a social media site.

But since we moved to an archive model (and away from LJ/DW) I've noticed that fic gets almost no traction on sites that actually are intended for social interaction. I'm not saying it's easy for any creator in fandom, but god. The numbers on fic posts are just downright demoralizing.

I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I think I'm a pretty good writer. People seem to really connect with my fic. In multiple fandoms, I've written fic that most people have read and enjoyed, to the point where people have just taken it for granted that if someone reads fic in the fandom, they've probably read something I've written.

All this is to say, I know I've written fics that people like. I know I've written fics that people connect with. And I know those posts still only get like 5 notes sometimes on Tumblr.

I'm proud of my work and I'm happy that it's gotten such a warm welcome on AO3!!! But there are times when I feel like all this means that I could write literally the best fic on earth and still no one would talk to me. People still wouldn't want to interact with me on social media sites.

I wrestled for... honestly, a long time with all this. I had a hard time putting into words why this felt so uh. Bad. Was I just self-conscious about my own writing? Yes, but that's a separate issue. Was I just jealous of others' popularity? Sort of, but it went deeper than that.

I had an issue with a fandom that I don't write in anymore. I got a lot of fanart based on my fic, which was great, which was amazing, there were even fan comics made. Visual media travels better on social media than fic. That's just a fact. And I had to watch as repeatedly, art based on the fic I wrote got thousands of notes while my fic got maybe 12. And I realized the power of social media vs. AO3 because it did get to audiences that weren't familiar with my fic and people started to give those artists credit for my ideas.

I remember watching the tags of those posts because it was occasionally the only way I'd hear feedback on what I'd written (imagine getting one comment and 5 notes on a fic, then seeing dozens of people in the tags of fanart saying that it was their favorite fic in the fandom! it was weird!) and seeing the tags gradually devolve into "oh, this is such a neat idea for an AU, artist OP" or "wow this dialogue is perfect [artist] I love it" and like

It's weird to feel so happy because so many people are enjoying your work in a transformative way but also so unhappy because you have been completely removed from the equation. No one... even knows you wrote those things anymore. You have been removed in favor of a more "marketable" version of your work.

It's uh. It's a bad feeling. I stopped writing in that fandom eventually.

So again, I felt like... idk, like there was no point in me even trying. Because I could write the best fic on earth and still somehow get erased as a person. People would want my "content," but they wouldn't want me.

I think that's what hurt my feelings so much.

What I've realized is this: what I miss is the sense of community. On LJ, you could post a fic, cross-post it to a community, and there would be comments that would become conversations that would become lasting friendships. Not always! But often. I still talk to some people daily who I met through fic on LJ over a decade ago.

In the archive model, there has almost become a death of the author. The me on social media and the me on AO3 are very different; more importantly, it's almost like it's viewed as the "me" is on social media, but the work is on AO3. I am absent. There is only the fic, not the person who created it.

And that's okay, but when you try to combine those two things on social media and it goes over like a lead balloon... idk. There's an odd sense of dehumanization. I don't mean it in like... I don't know, a dramatic human rights violation kind of way. More that I literally feel like less of a human person the way I interact with fandom these days. Like I'm no longer a person who writes fic as a way to connect with my fellow fans and more a "content creator" whose human side is separate from my creation and never the twain shall meet.

(And I'll admit it feels especially galling to be forced into the capitalistic "content creator" box when it's not even a thing I can make money off of, lmao. It's like the worst of both worlds. I feel like if I can't make money off fanfic, I should at least be exempt from capitalistic social trends during its creation.)

I'm not so much complaining about my current fandom; WWDITS has actually been one of the best fandoms for interaction I've been in since the birth of AO3. That's one of the reasons I keep writing stories for fellow fans to read -- many of those fans feel like my friends, and I want to make them happy.

I think that poster was right when they talked about how the pivot from fan to "content creator" has fucked up fandom. There is this sense that we should be treating fandom like a job, often a fast-paced one with no pay. There is this idea that we should be separated from our "content" like you might a worker from their product, and blah blah blah alienation of labor, Marx, I get it, but damn if that isn't a shitty thing to do to your fellow fans who are making art for the love of art.

There are so many things I do love about AO3. I like having a central, organized place to put my fic. I like not having to worry about my work being lost to the ages. I like having an organized comments section I can return to on bad days to cheer myself up.

But I don't like the way that fic has kind of been relegated to a portion of fandom where people aren't particularly social. I don't like the way that authors are separated from their writing. I hear people complain sometimes about A/Ns because god forbid an author leave any trace of their actual personality to distract you from their content.

I can't have DMs with someone on AO3. I can't add someone to my friends list. There are no "beloved mutuals." There is just my work and the people who are kind enough to comment on it, even if they never actually engage with me elsewhere.

It's... a weird feeling, to feel so loved and unloved at the same time. Like you keep writing trying to make something good enough that people will talk to you but like. That's really not how it works. lmao. The best fic in the world won't make you friends anymore. It won't make people see you as a fellow fan rather than a pen name under a title.

My fic is some of the most personal stuff in the entire world, but my personhood is stripped away from it. It's so fucking weird. People like my fic, but they don't like me. They remember my stories but not the person who told them. It's bizarre. It feels like having your life and experiences strip-mined for content, and then the rest of it is just... left behind.

Frankly... I work in the publishing industry IRL and I have had opportunities to write professionally. Real, tangible opportunities. But I turned them down because I've seen it, the way that trying to fit such an intensely personal art form into a capitalistic framework can be exhausting, dehumanizing, and stressful. I don't want that for my work. Fandom has always been an escape from that.

But now fandom is starting to conform to those exact same capitalistic frameworks (and ofc without any kind of capitalistic compensation) and I hate to see it. It's so stressful. I feel like we're losing a lot of what makes fandom fun for writers and we're getting pretty much nothing in return. I'm not surprised that so many writer friends I know in fandom have quit.

like damn, I just wanna have fun with a bunch of dumbshits who love to overanalyze vampires and cry over their dumbshit shenanigans, not take on a second job. one that, I reiterate, I am not being paid for.

(Note: I am not asking for payment, just that I not be treated like a worker. The tradeoff for treating someone like a worker is that they get compensated for it. If I'm not being compensated, no one gets to treat me like this is my fucking job.)

It's a weird thing, because for a lot of people, fandom has become their job. Fanartists at cons selling fanart, youtube essayists making money off videos, professional cosplayers with sponsorships, etc. And so fandom is becoming more corporate, more capitalistic, more marketable. It's frustrating for those who don't want to capitalize on our fannish output, and doubly frustrating for people who are legally unable to do so.

I'm realizing as I write this that I'm most upset about the nonconsensual capitalization of fandom, particularly when imposed on people who are unable to access the very meager benefits of capitalism. I didn't ask for any of this!

Feels like when I'd be forced to go to assemblies for the US military when I was in high school. Like I'm morally opposed to all this but I'm also not physically fit for "service" anyway, so it's doubly insulting. I feel like I've been opted into the, ah, corporatization of fandom when I'm not even eligible for employee benefits. None of this should even apply to me! ;;

Okay!! I'm all het up now so I'm gonna go eat lunch and go for a walk! No monetization of hobbies, only trees.

[nintando64]

Well come and well met, my Brave Little Spark

It's been a year to the day since I started my second attempt at playing Final Fantasy XIV (at least it was when I started writing this post). And I've... uhh...

Played it a little bit. And in that span of time, this girl has become such a big part of my life. So I wanted to talk a little bit about that journey and how Sophiane Dailemont became such a big part of my life. More assorted ramblings and screenshots below the cut (Contains Spoilers for the entire game, yee be warned). No tags for this one. This post is for me.

"Become the sort of storied personage I can brag about havin' met, an' I'll consider us square."

One thing I do when I play RPG's is create a character who is kinda like me, but never actually me. I put a little bit of myself into them, then I let the true personality of the character shine through as the game progresses. But I wasn't really doing that this second time around. This was a second attempt after all. I was mainly playing through the story again to refresh myself. So for most of ARR I was just kinda... playing the game.

And I still had a fabulous time. I am a certified ARR Enjoyer after all. While there are... one or two segments I still don't necessarily think belong like corrupted crystals I still think the rest is incredibly enjoyable. I think the introduction to the primals is great, I love the company of heroes section, and the raid on the waking sands is such a great "Welcome to Final Fantasy XIV" moment.

But once I got to the end of ARR, thats when her character started to take shape. And thats exactly when I game I was already sold on sunk its claws into me and would never let go. I decided to work my previous attempt into my headcanon for Sophiane, and have ARR be a shared journey between the two, and my other character (who I may write about in the future)... well, she's dead.

And the journey transformed into a journey of loss. Of moving on. Of figuring out how to build a life that's lived for yourself. And the story of FFXIV is very compliant to that kind of tale. A tale of loss, and of fire and faith.

But its not just a tale about grief and suffering. It's a tale about the bonds we form, about leaning on each other. Its not a tale where things magically get fixed, where we go from bad state to good state. And thats what I came to adore about the 2.X patch quests. Through all the intrigue, the politics, and the loss. It was where the theme of the bonds we share starting to take root. And also help me cement more of Sophiane's job identity.

Throughout ARR I had just kinda juggled jobs to keep things from getting overleveled (I started off on Materia and oh does the Road to 90 buff ever have hands). But having gone through the patch quests as a Paladin, it organically lead me to moving onto Dragoon for Heavensward. And what an amazing choice that was.

If ARR was where Sophiane started to take shape. Heavensward is where she truly came into her own as a character. This wasn't the tale of a brave hero. Of unflappable stoicism. But the journey of a scared and timid girl. Now aimless and afraid after having lost the beacon and guiding star of her life. The cheers and adulation of those around her ringing false in her own ears. Undeserved, unearned.

Which rang true to me. I myself struggle with imposter syndrome, and I guess that's the part of me that ended up being given to her. But what she does with it, the way her story evolves and grows shows just how rich and unique her struggles are. Watching someone learn the strength to stand back up on her own two feet.

It was around this time that I was filled with so much creativity. There was so much here to put to page. I used to write long ago, and this game filled me with the overwhelming urge to pick it back up. There were so many details here, ones that I knew at the time and ones that I would uncover later, that I needed to express. And it filled me with so much joy.

And as I detached myself from Sophiane and let her become herself even more, I got sucked into the game even harder. I began to plan and prepare how I would take on the MSQ. Making sure I got the experience right. Including letting her go where I never could.

A story of inadequacy, of guilt, of feeling lost without a guiding star and mentor. Its no surprise it led us to here. Seeking support, absolution. Wrestling with the darkness inside. Wrestling with the questions of whether or not she was a good person. It was these moments that really let her kindness shine through.

Throughout it all, Sophiane developed a shield of bravado. Physically stronger, but emotionally much weaker, this was the beginning of a destructive spiral. Sure she appeared much more cocky and self assured, but it was all a thin veneer. And I think Shadowbringers was the perfect expansion to field that.

Shadowbringers is many things, it is the single greatest standalone story in the series after all. But it is at its core a story about the connections we make. And I believe its these connections that make our Warriors of Light who they are. I know they made Sophiane who she is.

The care, the admiration, the concern showed by friends one and all. The desire to connect, to know and understand. It's a desire I can definitely relate to. Up until the end of Shadowbringers, I was on the Materia DC. I had decided to create a character there for all the benefits of course, but also as it was a place I could adventure on my own. But after Shadowbringers I... wanted to share this experience, and so I world transfered over to my friend on Gilgamesh. There, I was able to start talking to people, and made new friends. Joined new communities. And finally took the multiplayer part of this massively multiplayer online RPG seriously.

I got over my own sense of worries and anxieties around playing the game and just... played the game. Slowly but surely, of course. While it started as just being able to run DPS roulettes without anxiety, I have since started to work on my tank and healer anxieties, and they're going well! But back to Sophiane.

All the prep work I was putting into Sophiane. All the countless hours of side questing, of narrative creation, of ensuring I approached the MSQ just right, it was all for Endwalker. By now, Sophiane was... mostly okay, but still wrestled with survivors guilt. Dwelling on the loss of her friend, the very fact that I started this obsession with. And what a fitting expansion (I keep saying that), given the overwhelming number of callbacks to ARR.

While i've been writing a lot of information and facts and fleshing out her character, this scene was the first time I felt compelled to write a story with Sophiane. It was nothing more than a slight expansion of the scene, but it was the first time I let Sophiane speak. Endwalker, the expansion of Hear, Feel, Think was the expansion she got to finally express herself. My Sophiane master doc has 15k words and counting (and will never see the light of day).

And while ever since Heavensward I've basically made a tradition of being the trailer job for the expansion, this time, I chose to take on Endwalker as a Paladin for a different reason. It felt... right. After all she'd been through, it felt right to let Sophiane return to the role of valiant protector. Paladin has always felt like Sophiane's ARR class. As an Archer, and a Lancer, she felt... timid, unsure. It wasn't until she felt the security of steel and shield that she started to come into her own as an adventurer. Outside of pursuing the lance further in the Coerthas section, she was a Paladin, but cast it aside after The Parting Glass. So returning to Paladin was a card I was always saving for when the time felt right.

And right it felt. Endwalker soon got to work making me feel rewarded for all my effort, all my preparation. All my investment.

I felt rewarded for becoming so attached to Sophiane.

And Endwalkers themes felt perfect next to my own themes for Sophiane, as if the narrative had been tailor made to be perfect for just me. I wonder how many other people have shared that sensation.

And... everything came to a head at Ultima Thule. Sophiane's journey, my own journey, they were reaching the end. Finally grasping the weight of her presence and the impact she'd had on the lives of those around her, she finally got to stand tall, alone at the end of everything.

I was... consumed as soon as I headed to Ultima Thule. I would not, could not dare stop before I reached the end. And I am ever grateful I did. Ultima Thule is the pinnacle of any gaming experience I have ever had. Because I made it so. Because I role-played.

Which... leads me to the one instance where I broke from tradition, where I didn't use the trailer job for an expansion.

I imagine that smirk already tells anyone who recognises it what comes next, but... My one big criticism of Shadowbringers is Ran'jit. While his place as Thancred's antagonist is was well done and the Thancred solo instance was one of the great solo instances, Ran'jit always felt hollow in opposition to Sophiane. Forced, contrived. As we returned to the source and were confronted by Fandaniel, who revealed that Zenos had a hard-n for a rematch, it clicked.

Zenos was right back in Stormblood. He and Sophiane are birds of a feather, two sides of the same coin. Through all the anxiety, the suffering, the thing that kept Sophiane getting back on her feet was the thrill of battle. And after a healthy dose of Trauma and some good friends, she was finally able to actually think about that and understand that.

And as she did, once she knew that Zenos had become a reaper, Sophiane screamed at me to let her become one as well. She wanted the rematch to be on equal terms. To bring her all to bear against him. And while I loathe edgy classes (the reaper role quests did make me roll my eyes a couple of times) I pushed through it and let her be a reaper.

And oh how WORTH IT it was. The GOAT solo instance. The reward for a long and worthwhile journey.

at 4:38am one May morning, I finished 6.0. And FFXIV cemented itself as my forever game. But, so close to Dawntrail, the grind didn't stop, I had so much preparation to do for my first expansion. The cycle continued once more.

Once Dawntrail arrived, I just... let myself enjoy it. I knew Sophiane extremely well, and I trusted in my own ability to have fun and...

We had an absolute blast together. And a year later, I wouldn't give her up for the world. Happy Birthday Sophiane. I wonder where we'll be in a year.

How long you've wandered, burned bright as a star.

[i-carry-the-evilmortyabel-name]

The Ship a certain Tag keeps seeing, aka a Crossover Ship: Mabel x Evil Morty

__________________________

Some dialogues that explains them:

Evil Morty: "I hate that you walked into my life, and I hate that I followed."

-

Mabel: "What's the hardest part of waking up and going to do your tasks?"

Evil Morty: "Finding the will to live."

-

"I spent all of my time trying to find the one, but I didn't need to search for it, you were here right by my side this whole time."

-

"I know it would end in a tragedy, I know there's a slim to no chance of it happening and I know I would repeat this whole cycle all again. I know it won't work, I know it won't work... but I have to try."

-

Mabel: "Couldn't you pick anyone other than me?"

Evil Morty: "Believe me, I've tried."

-

Inspired from a post "Because in a strange way, you are better at what I do without even trying."

-

Evil Morty: "There are infinite possibilities where there is a happier and better version of what I am, but you still choose me, every time."

-

"You were a wonderful experience."

"You were... Everything."

-

"Ready to face the unknown?"

"With you? Always."

__________________________

So I think this was bound to happen at one point, since I've been posting about the ship since June was it? Although I'm not trying to convince you guys to ship it at all, but you can read why I do so and you can find a way to respect it and if you have like criticisms about it, maybe I can admit that it is a good point that I didn't initially have thought of or address it too.

Yes, if you aren't sure what I'm talking about in here, it's about the Evil Morty and Mabel ship, which you can say, boo what is a M/F ship doing here!!! Get it out I don't agree with this ship because it goes against my headcanons!!! Well I'm sorry to say that our headcanons don't match with each other and that's fine! You can scroll away or even block me if you don't want my art and this idea clogging your tags cause you think it's embarrassing or you dislike it overall or in general with no reason because it's your feelings. it's not something I can be in control of so I'll just respect it.

I don't care how many people see this, I just needed to write it down because it's been stuck in my head and I never thought to explain why to anyone? Kind of a missed opportunity for all these times I've been just shoving all the art of it without even bothering to stop to tell what is it about the ship I liked, so here is the compilation! I would add and edit more as I finally compiled those that aren't spoilers to my AUs and the general vibes I get with this ship.

I sent this at my discord I only added a few more details about it so here it is!

I thought their dynamic a lot like, "Oh yeah they'd just randomly talk about the most existential and philosophical topics ever and the branches to topics that are random, may be related to the real world to things they've watched and lose the original topic in the process, Mabel mostly asking the questions which prompts him to answer however and whatever he could." I had the headcanon that Evil Morty's aesthetic was a STEM student goth academia with an evil scientist mix while Mabel is more of the decora and harajuku fashion alongside chaotic academia. Their energies may not match now but with constant interaction I'd like to think they'd end up adjusting and giving as good as they get, and the type to excitedly share about the new things they find whether a realization, story or concept. Mostly enthusiastic rambling on Mabel's side while Evil Morty would phrase it as a random fact in life that is serious and needs a discussion but it's relatively the same thing, communication goals!

I'm honestly confused on how they would've pined for each other because I never thought of it, I just went "Oh yeah they're together" like established already and then proceeded with that, but then now I have to justify, and most of my thoughts are "Maybe when he realizes that just because she has this cheery persona doesn't mean that's all she is, the fact she kept helping him time and time again in her own endearing way and wanting to be his friend even though he's been spraying water at her to go away and actually tried being harsh but she just responded with a rebuttal that catches him off guard which is a "point taken", I think he'd just get tired and accept her as a part of his life now but because of that single choice he did, because he started answering back, because he started opening up, because he grew comfortable with her, she already knows quite a bit about him, and he does feel a little lonely, so why not give it a try?"

Like a "You're not that bad, you're still annoying, but you're not so bad after all." Mabel sets his perspective to a twist and that he needs to find the profound in mundane or crazy.

One argument I thought about why Evil M would consider Mabel as someone he can date, I feel, is because he also is kind of lonely, besides relating to her a lot, they're like two lonely people who banded together and because I feel Mabel is also refreshing of a take because she's optimistic but she has that realism in it too that a lot of the cartoons usually lack in, the depth, and also because they both provide balance in the dynamic, especially in growing the things they lack at, Evil M with healthy coping mechanisms and socializing with a lack of agenda, basically teaching him communication, and enjoying life and the adventures because there'll be something new on the table, like giving him a difference in perspective that he needs to hear and being mindful and understanding other people because truthfully who he knows and studied so well is Rick's mind, that doesn't mean other characters he has them figured out either, that's why he sensed a threat in Summer, also because of the fact he mostly isolated himself and 'wants to be left alone' although humans don't work that way and he can't just program it out of himself, because Rick definitely tried that before and it must've ended disastrous.

For Mabel, it's the consequences of her actions, thinking or planning forward, more realism to her own actions and responsibilities, also giving her more reason to utilize her logic than just her own emotions, she also needs someone other than just Dipper in her life that she feels she can rely on and who she finds that she has some values that she can match with though in others she clashes, basically teaching her compromise(Evil M learns that too) since the lesson wasn't properly given to her satisfactorily but I think it gets addressed in a comic, which, okay, still part of canon but it mostly gets glanced at.

Also another thing to add about Mabel and Evil M, as I did say, they match each other's freak, which means, yeah they're both fucking weird and I'm pretty sure they don't care they are weird and accept each other as being weird too. Yeah and they feel like the world would never truly understand them and they find that: "Oh a person similar enough with me but still different enough from me that I can still have something to learn from them!" Like another thing of why they liked each other so much is "Wow you understood me and listened to me?"

Especially with how Evil M is still relatively a Morty, he had issues with people not giving a fuck about him so he just did not give a fuck back but then there's a person out there that decided to actually care and not because he gave her anything, but because she thought he was interesting and thought to approach him. And so she gave him something, and I know his first thoughts in this was to possibly use her, like "Oh she might be helpful in this situation" but she's just so damn surprising and infuriating at the same time because she can fuck shit up for him(this is why he doesn't like involving himself with others, they're too unpredictable) because I think she's both oblivious and really aware of what he's trying to do.

But then he's so fucking lonely and doesn't want to admit it and not going to lie Mabel acts sorta like a Prime Morty who's both aware of the dangers of an adventure but also can find ways to enjoy life that he envies and wants to have and it's not like he wants to interact with anyone else because that would mean sharing more to more people and so Mabel could suffice.

Also most people in the real world are so insufferable especially since their perspective to him is unappealing or lacking or so close minded that he really can't find interest in any of them, but Mabel? Well she always has something to say and catches him off guard, so why not just interact with her? Then yeah they ended up getting closer and since he's like "Well I could trust you with some information" and somehow he finds that he actually could with her, since she cares a lot about her friends and that she's agreeable at times but also conflicts with him and that's refreshing to him that she isn't much of a people pleaser as the others are.

Like finding out they could go with each other through thick and thin also they're both painfully human in a cartoon like world and makes mistakes also they are actually scared children who grew up too quickly and are really just wanting to get a piece of their normal back like yeah it may be from trauma but it also is because they just found out they work so well together. Also ngl they're actually big fucking drama queens Evil Morty just doesn't want to admit that he's a cringe theater kid too. (Hmmm 4th wall break wonder what that is /silly)

Like "I could never figure you out even though we empathize with each other's experiences, and that will always make you so appealing to me on how similar we are but we're two worlds apart." They're also like Rick and Evil M dynamic, when one is lacking this the other makes up for it! That and when they make effort, THEY WILL PUT EFFORT IN THE THINGS THEY DO.

Also what I really love about the whole if they'd be in a relationship and it's because Mabel would teach Evil M about love because she has it in spades, literally out here appreciating the little things and the big things and wanting to spend time with someone, but also because he spent most of his time surviving and now he has free time to do something else well why not do something because you want it and I mean, you have all the time in the world now. And also because I feel love is something that Rick never gave him, so then him loving someone is something he can call his own, fully, and not attached to something he got from Rick. Besides you know, fucking off to somewhere else and building a civilization where his needs are met.

And Mabel is very chatty, and likes spending a lot of time with someone if she loves them, and sure she may be the first to fall in love but Evil Morty like I said, would fall in love harder, because of how much time they end up spending time together, it's like impossible not to since she takes up most of his time, and he lets it happen. He probably ended up liking her romantically anyway because she's oh so stupid and smart and gives good ideas here and there and also cause she's genuinely nice to him.

Like I'm pretty sure if I made love logical it's gonna destroy the whole point of it being a mystery and most people don't know why it's so illogical too. Literally Mabel bounces back because she got a good support system and she's emotionally more fulfilled in life and now she wants to give Evil Morty a glimpse of what she sees despite the truth being fucking harsh.

This connects to my headcanon and semi-analysis about Evil Morty in the infodump where he's basically a depressed loser trying to distract himself saying he doesn't need anyone but humans don't work that way. My earlier ideas which kick-started this one was basically me viewing Mabel to Evil Morty as Diane is to Rick as Betty is to Simon and if people do even watch the Rick and Morty Anime, Elle is to Morty Prime.

Also my explanation for Evil Morty's actions that may or may be debated you guys can add more information I think so. Which would be down below this paragraph.

So like we know how evil Morty isn't that all that interested in power himself, he only uses it as a means to an end in the citadel, and I'm saying this that he only likes to reach his end goal most of the time, he would do ANYTHING, for that goal, and in here, the end goal was... Clearly going to be something, because okay, Evil Morty is a little bit aimless since it's kind of working as a multiverse to him which is without a Rick, and sure he's thriving, that's exactly what he wanted, but the thing now, is that he's absolutely clueless what to do next.

He can relax, he can do that, he has peace, yes, but the itch of every human being is there, the want or the urge to complete something new, because there's always going to be a new thing they will do after the next big thing they have done, the world doesn't stop just because you completed it, and that's where Evil Morty is lost on, he's in a world without Rick as the center, now what? He can be normal now, he tried that, he tried so hard being semi normal himself, but then it never worked out. So then all he yearned now was for a new experience, he already reached the top, sure, what's the point in that?

Another mountain conquered he had said, maybe all he needed was a distraction, and more, this is like the dilemma of immortality all over again, and I just love adding philosophical topics like that. He is to just be that person who's so tired that he is desperate to escape from one thing, like desperately running away from something and sure he does it but then I feel like it would come back and bite him again. Like okay, smartass, what next to? He tries to do the things that he wanted to do that he couldn't with what Rick has prohibited or restricted him to do by circumstances or explicitly told him, but then because of the environment he was raised in, it never gets erased.

He's the Rickest Morty for a good reason, he's like Rick, I think he knows that deep inside that he is. He's still broken by Rick, the things that are in the inside, they AREN'T healed.

Anyway, it's kind of said that Rick and Morty is like showing the dark side of improvement and I really liked that aspect of the show because it isn't easy, you get repercussions even though what you're doing for is yourself, and it's not like life cares about it too much to know that you're busy for it. And this, Evil Morty is improving, but at what cost? He did everything, should he have lost instead because it felt more like a pyrrhic victory if anything. What people forget is that he's a child, living in the hands of an abuser that was everywhere in his life, everything he knew, now it's gone and over, he's free isn't he? He finds threats to himself, eliminates it, which is what happened in the Season 7, Episode 5, he got the omega device. All he wants is leverage against people and to be left alone, but because of this freedom he chased so hard.

He's just surviving, mostly, at least what most of his life is, he doesn't admit that he's bored, and tries to distract himself — going somewhere, collecting materials, he knows he can just make an endless supply of them if he wanted and if he could, I just think he CHOSE NOT TO, because then he'd have nothing left to do. He found himself in a cage in freedom, being so free it's stifling and empty, it's too free with no limitations. Give someone an instruction to create the world and they wouldn't know what to do, they're overwhelmed by what they could essentially take that they never stopped to think, well, what do they want?

And... does it really matter? I think he's lonely, like incredibly so, and maybe nihilistic too, since that's what Rick kind of taught him in life, and since he did scan many of the Ricks' brain, he definitely knows that.

He probably doesn't know why he's living either, and even though he tries to further himself away from humanity, he's always going to be human anyway. He's so unbearably human else he wouldn't have escaped Rick, be done with dealing with him, he knows he's been wronged by them too many times to count. So he left the central finite curve. He cares for himself, at least.

So he survives, even if that's the barest minimum a human should give themselves. He's been given worse cards that he's satisfied with just so little. He's just wanting to find a purpose in a harsh world that doesn't care to give you one. He's been rebellious, at Rick, at people who've annoyed him and bothered him, maybe pure spite may keep him alive, but until when he realizes, well what's all this for? I think it was a blessing, to remain ignorant, because to me it feels like, you're either the rest of everyone, knowing less, or you just end up like Rick knowing more and feeling so alienated, feeling like a God or wondering, always wondering on an answer that'll never be answered.

He's the embodiment of "I put so much effort into this, I dedicated my entire life for this, that if I fail, what else is there to do?" Does he badly need therapy? Actually yeah, most people just call him an edgy bitch but he's kind of like every human there is after finding out nobody knows what they're actually doing and we're just getting more and more information but we truly don't know what to do with it, we just try to benefit from it. That guy's worth is equivalent to the plan in motion he placed in season 1, "What am I if I couldn't do it." And "What do you mean that's all there is?" "You fool, it's always been like that."

I rest my case, you guys can just take this as you will. I guess I adored it due to the potential it had also the tropes I could link to this that I think fits a lot of those that are common or even favored by people, the most common one yet is the opposites attract! Which was one of my main ideas for this ship. Also if you know MBTI, this is also a reference to the ENFP and INTJ duo. It could be romantic and it could be platonic that you make it to be but I kinda just want to see them in a setting where they're interacting which would never happen so fanart and fandom can just carry it instead!

Also ships I have compared or found similarities in though not exactly fully similar so you can envision it much clearer through examples: Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung, Homura and Madoka, Tobey McAllister and Becky Botsford, Saiki K and Teruhashi Kokomi, Eru Chitanda and Hotaro Oreki, Mamoru Chiba and Usagi Tsukino, Enid Sinclair and Wednesday Addams, (Kinda funny) Lucy Wilde and Felonius Gru. Maybe I would add more information in the future in this same post but that's most of my thoughts on the matter. Okay byeee~

Link to their playlist which were mostly recommendations: EvilMortyabel playlist

[8cfc00]

I think that- oh sorry HI 👋 I hope you don't mind the ask haha I didn't feel like rambling in tags- I've also noticed the downtrend in dndads posting, and while it *could* be some mini migration of people to other fandoms, I'm not so sure that that's the case? Not that people aren't getting into new things (I myself have been, for that matter,) but... How to put it. I feel like the show itself, despite approaching the finale, has kind of been at a quiet point where there simply isn't too much to talk about rn? Like I think the noise will pick back up in the fandom when it picks back up in the show if that makes sense?? Also just a busy time of year for a lot of people I think tbh! And since the fandom is so small to begin with (as you know), it's more noticeable when a bunch of people are preoccupied!

That's what I'm feeling anyways! But yeah I've been thinking about it too, and I empathize with the whole "feeling sad when people leave fandoms" thing, so I felt inclined to share my two cents in case it's any consolation haha. Regarding what you said about whether or not the show is "bad"- yeah, I agree! There's some places it really shines and some places that just aren't its forte, but me personally as long as I'm having fun I'm staying put right here! 😤❤️

!! HELLO!!! and yeah you bring up some good points... like there really isnt too much going on in the story character/emotion wise that people can latch on to (in contrast to the more angst ass eps that seem to be a bigger hit among fandom types) PLUS with only one jan ep the pace at which dndads has been releasing is. a bit slow (ep 50 was basically just 49 part 2 too so...)

as for the parts the show is good at vs the parts it isnt. i think it also comes down to the individuals/groups judging it, and the differences in their expectations... like with s2 ep31 the cast was talking about how the ep sucked in the teen talk, but on tumblr the tag had trended with SO much art... there have also been times when i had really enjoyed an episode only to find not much talk about it. so its really different for different people i guess

i try to not feel TOO dejected about stuff i have no control over (especially online stuff) but yknow life has been stressful and ig some of that stress had carried over to my posting. i didn't mean to start discussion about how good the podcast is (i've seen enough of that on reddit LOL) i dont wanna harsh the vibes, esp cuz i know i dont feel very good when i see critical posts about a show i DO enjoy a lot! (i am similarly " having fun")

THANKS FOR RESPONDING THO it was kinda nice to see im not the only one seeing and thinking about things! yaaaaaa

[blaisenova]

uh oh, it's another fandom writer...

heyo!!

my name's blaise (he/him), i'm 22, and i am, regrettably, a writer. i am also, regrettably, going to make that everyone else's problem.

my current interests are: undertale and AUs, my original characters (L).

some fun little background: i've been writing seriously since i was in high school and have had my work published before! i was an english major in college to become a creative writer for a career before realising that i was absolutely going to kill my love for writing if i did that. so, i switched majors, dropped out, blah, blah, blah... now i'm an english major again. TAKE TWO BABYYYYYY. i still write frequently, and, if i can promise you nothing else, i can promise you good grammar LOL.

that said, i've decided to dedicate this blog to publishing my work and maybe taking some fun little requests for those of you that have excellent ideas but don't really want to write.

i tend to write anywhere between 1k to 10k words, though most of what i post here will probably be on the shorter side while the longer stuff will be linked on my ao3.

feel free to send requests!

before you do, though, please heed my boundaries listed below:

WILL WRITE:

angst, hurt/comfort (if your request contains triggering content that i'm not feeling at the moment, i reserve the right to deny!)

fluff

violence/gore

ship content (NOT proship. the ship must be legal and morally acceptable)

multiple characters

WON'T WRITE:

ANYTHING PROSHIP

18+ content (flirting and jokes are acceptable, within reason, but i will not be writing anything explicit)

problematic content (racism, homophobia, abuse, etc)

anything glorifying mental illness

x readers/self-inserts. i write exclusively in third person with characters that aren't directly tied to someone (unless you are my friend. hi ily friends), sorry

feel free to reach out if you just want to rant too. i need more friends into the shit i like </3

EXTRA

blog tags:

#blaise writes - my writing

#blaise draws - if i dare to post my art

#blaise rambles - when i have shit to say without writing it LOL

#blaise reblogs - my reblogs, i'll try to be sparse and keep on topic but please feel free to blacklist

my ao3:

[carrotcouple]

In the time that I've been gone from Tumblr. Like what's it been? Five years? More than that? I've become a full fledged One Piece fan (I always was but now there is so much Luffy shaped merch I own I think at some point he'll take over my room and kick me and my roommate out). And I've started playing genshin impact. And it's like I know I know, Sunny is playing Genshin Impact oh my God another of the good ones bites the dust.

Regardless of anyone's opinion on Genshin I've been having fun. And I want to talk about One Piece more (but I'm actually writing a full blown in depth essay about how One Piece quite literally saved my life - I know sounds cheesy but I promise it's important). Anyways not the point. Right now I'm going on a rant about Wanderer/Scaramouche from Genshin Impact.

Why? Because it's 1 am and I'm insane at this time of the night. And also because it's been a long fucking while since I've not only related to a character this hard but have felt physically in pain when I think about what a fictional character has gone through. (This post is totally not sparked by my wife sending me art of Scara dangling from Shouki no Kami).

The absolutely gut wrenching amounts of emotions when I think about him, man. I've been thinking a lot about his likely gender dysphoria, his body dysphoria in general, the way he views himself, the way he views others, his concept of self worth.

I've been thinking about the evil so many people say he's committed but they will write off the evil of others because THEY'RE NOT HUMAN THEY CAN'T BE JUDGED BY HUMAN STANDARDS. Well neither can he. Not to say he hasn't committed atrocities. But the double standard y'all.

The way losing people important to him nearly destroyed him and forced him to recreate himself.

The way he strived to become something of worth, to live up to expectations that people long believed he had failed. And yet he tried. And yet he still failed.

Because he was always perfect as he was. He didn't need to live up to a standard that someone else set for him and then decided he was unworthy of it without even staying to watch.

It's like looking into a mirror. It's awful. I hate it. I love him.

This post has already become incredibly personal but! It's 1:30 am and I am not going to tag anything fandom related. If you've seen what I'm trying to say, good for you. If you haven't. Well I'm not gonna explain it.

Eventually the One Piece essay will get here and I'll have dumped out my whole heart and stomach and liver and intestines into that essay for the whole world to see.

Until then, this is it for crazy and uncomfortably personal 1:30 am rambling.

[notasapleasure]

👏👏👏 oh yes, all of this!

I didn't want to hijack your post, elwen, but tumblr has a tag limit now I guess, so the following tag ramble was extracted from my drafts so I could finish what I was saying. Basically, uhhh, I agree (though I don't think it's because of the novelisation so much as the backstory in all the associated material disney released - perhaps we might call it the Edwards backstory vs the Gilroy backstory, and I'm gonna try not to get into all that but. we know the rewrites had a big impact on the characters and narrative of R1, and I know a bunch of R1 fans act like they'd rather have the Edwards edit for shipping reasons, while the film we got is undoubtedly better for Gilroy's influence). I say all this as an avowed rebelcaptain shipper (though ship and let ship, I'm a multi these days I guess) who was there from the start, who loves R1 and Andor, and who's uh, honestly a bit sick of people on both 'sides' acting like their version is intrinsically better or like canon only has space for one or the other.

😏😏😏 #what a wise post #cassian is going to be the most unreliable narrator of his own life! #i have seen people claim andor erased his background as a child soldier #apparently missing where he's sent from juvie into war as a teenager - but maybe they take luthen's version at face value too? #i find that i don't like to hear gilroy's reasonings for a lot of what he does - e.g. using cassian as an example of #'how far can i remove this person from where they end up to show their journey there' #but word of god always gets my back up and i find gilroy often insufferably smug #it's nonetheless helped me think about what i love about andor differently - while i am a R1 fan who needed time to come to terms with #the slow first episodes (a feature not a bug i agree now and a good one a refreshingly unusual one) #and the way the community around him works - gilroy's 'what would it take to make a guy like that into a guy like THAT' #relies overwhelmingly on the people around him and those he meets - the community of ferrix is such a crucial foundation in that #giving him support and guidance - even when he doesn't want to hear it - that you can imagine running through all that comes after #same with nemik and gorn and kino and melshi and all the others he meets - each meeting is what's important for me rather than the events #also i think there was a trend in R1 fandom - that always left a bad taste in my mouth - to…over-militarise the rebellion? #to look at the yavin base and see the organisation and ranks and cassian's straight back talking to draven and… #to imagine it like a modern formal coughus military set up #and i love that andor shows that despite the need for rank and order - it's not that simple. the rebellion is flexible and pragmatic #it has to be. i don't imagine that the disagreements on how things are run end when luthen and saw are not longer involved #ALSO lbr the R1 fandom was always notoriously bonkers about the 'i've been in this fight since i was six years old' scene #i've been in this fight since the beginning! i've seen people claim that scene makes jyn racist makes cassian sexist i've seen attack ships #on fire off the shoulder of orion….etc… #i love that scene in R1 but i ALWAYS felt neither of them was fully telling the truth about themselves that's them that's who they are!! #it's deliberate button-pushing because they know what will push the other's buttons because they know each other they're painfully similar #jyn says something meant to hurt - the stormtrooper line. and it works! it hurts! so he says something cruel back #he knows her background he's read her file - he knowsshe was in the fight at six years old like it or not and yet she apparently walked away #with the andor background you can see that was his impulse too - but since then in R1 he's had the chance to come back of his own adult will #both of them are using their own pain about their past (jyn's dad is no stormtrooper but he did wear an imperial uniform) to hurt the other #*oh and i didn't really follow up the rambling military tags but i think that fed into R1 fans liking to see cassian as #representative of a stable institution. someone who's been in a framework of strict rules requiring strict behaviour from him for years

So yeah following on from the tags what was I gonna say…I think it's a struggle to see Cassian so aimless - I found that tough on the first viewing, too. And I *do* think the show is still settling into stride in the first episodes, and sometimes it feels like Cassian is a character being moved from convenient lecture point to convenient lecture point, BUT the best thing about the show is that it transcends that because the characters and action are so well written. It sweeps you up in it anyway, and the performances are *mwah* chef's kiss - it adds to Cassian's arc to see him so aimless in the end, trying to find meaning and direction. To think of him in R1 as someone who *chose* that path and knows how he's been moulded into a tool and has chipped away at himself to fit into that structure but it's also give him an optimism he doesn't have in Andor and a faith in the hope of it he never had before, but he still chafes at it, hope is finite, and meeting Jyn - and Bodhi and the others - jolts him out of that complacency about his thankless role and reminds him why he chose to do what he does.

I have taken time to talk myself round to this view though, and fandom hasn't really helped.

Op this isn't about you at all, but I do also have to say that while I know there's been clown behaviour from R1 fans, I think it's unfair to rag on people who are disappointed that a collective fanon was 'disproved' by canon when 1) no one expected a R1 prequel at the time it came out, it was a bit of a niche and unloved part of the SW fandom even then, 2) this new disney era of SW is meant to be internally consistent, right? We got rid of Legends, we mourned the old EU, and now we have a clean slate.... only Disney is too inept/doesn't care about consistency, they couldn't even manage it in a flagship trilogy of films, so of course they don't give a toss about it between R1 and Andor (here I'm referring to the stuff that is directly contradicted by Andor about Cassian's father, Carida etc. that doesn't come from the novelisation but from the R1 promo material 0 and that this was a KNOWING change emphasised by the reference to Fest, which I remember cringing at tbh). Yes, this is Star Wars! This is the life of a SW fan as it's always been, actually nothing has changed. You've got to choose your own version of canon and block out the versions you don't vibe with. 3) That being said, R1 fans have suffered like you wouldn't know. Read Rebel Rising. You'll see what I mean. *barf* Anyway, having had Jyn's backstory made into some twee and tidy YA adventure romance, I can see why people were disgruntled that the ideas they'd been left to build about Cassian were also swept away - and I do think that's not an invalid way of thinking about it. Gilroy deliberately wanted to remove Cassian from the person he is in R1 as far as possible to tell the resistance story he wanted to tell, and that is a good story!! But it's understandable it felt like a kick in the teeth to people who were already invested in the person Cassian was presented to be.

Ha. Insert some point about Cassian the master spy and trickster, never revealing his true self.

I don't really know how to wrap this up. Oh yeah - leftist infighting simulator!!!! We're all clowns here. We are all participating in a big budget Disney circus. Andor is well-written, but like...Disney is not unaware of its themes. Gilroy isn't some subversive genius smuggling in messages Disney disapprove of. Equally Rogue One was still kind of a mess, guys, never forget the rewrites and the production hell we'll never know about and all the bizarre inconsistencies that existed from the beginning because the merch was already made (Sergeant Erso, and ah yes, brave pilot who was certainly not a last minute addition...*reads smudged handwriting* ...Booby Root....?)

So it's hardly surprising that there are inconsistencies, but I did always think that the fun of fandom comes in taking the gaps and the contradictions and making a fannish theory to fix them, and in the case of the scene and quote in the original post (....a ....long way above...sorry...s so sorry, this got away from me I've needed to say this stuff for a while....) it's not even a reach to make them align if you want them to! I think it's sad that so many R1 fans don't want them to. And I think it's sad that a bunch of Andor fans are so sniffy about why R1 fans were left a bit bruised by the size of the gaps their fanon needed to change to fill. Though adding on the important caveat that I did come to the Andor fandom late because I worried about how I'd find it as a R1 fan, and so I probably missed some of the worst clown behaviour by R1 fans.

Anyway, bring on S2, I refuse to let myself get hurt by having any opinions on what to expect! This is a normal and good coping mechanism and I haven't been burned in the past despite my somewhat patronising attempts at diplomacy here. :)))

(I couldn't find the fandoms one but this works too)

I WANNA HEAR YOUR UNPOPULAR ANDOR OPINIONS

OH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD AND HARD ONE!!!

I have plenty of thoughts on Andor that I suspect are fairly widely held within the fandom and maybe not so much outside the fandom (like the belief that the "slowness" of the first three episodes is a feature and not a bug).

But I think maybe one take I have that might be more divisive is that - while I understand why some fans who read the novelization of Rogue One are disappointed in the changes to Cassian's backstory - I don't actually think that what Andor gives us negates the line in RO where Cassian says he's "been in this fight since he was six years old." In fact, I'm really drawn to a possible reading of that scene that Andor makes available, which is that what we see in that moment is a Rebellion-era Cassian re-narrating his life after the development of a revolutionary consciousness. While he doesn't yet understand his experiences as part of "the Rebellion's fight" at the start of Andor, after the events of season one (esp. Nemik's manifesto and the Narkina breakout and the Rix Road uprising) and what we'll see in season two, he eventually comes to see what happened on Kenari as his conscription into a fight against imperialism and fascism.

And in many ways I think that story (of someone who has to learn that they were engaged in political struggle before they recognized it) is a more suggestive model for thinking about what it takes to build resistance movements than the story of someone who could sign up to join an already-formed militant group.