#OH and my personal favorites out of the Disney animated film adaptations:

[skwtches]

ive never seen any winnie the pooh related media but im so in love w the way u draw tigger an that rabbit character that i now wanna see it

AWW THANK YOUU I’m so flattered omg <333

[masqueradeball]

How about number 3? Like, tell us all about it if you want :)

Oh my gosh 🥺 thank you so much for giving me my first ask! 💖 I'm eternally grateful I get to spill all my pheels out.

3. What is my favorite Phantom tv/film adaptation?

My absolute favorite Phantom is the 1925 Lon Chaney silent film. He just embodies everything that I like about Gaston Leroux's Erik for me and he is both horrifying and pitiable. I dislike the ending but I can live with it given it's what test audiences wanted at the time. I truly love his Red Death costume. You can find it on Youtube and the Tubi app for free.

My first runner up would be Claude Raines in the 1943 because his Erique so soft and tragic in that film I cannot help but love him. This was one was my grandma's favorite 'classic monster' movies that she loved, so I have a special place in my heart for this one. I love his hair and appreciate that he was one fine silver fox before the revenge and jealousy issues set in. The opera parts are a little boring, but the costumes and the sassy diva rival to Christine are worth the watch. We get 2 handsome Raouls who end up going to dinner together at the end of the movie and a Christine who gets to bask in the limelight of her career while not choosing any suitor, which is the best possible outcome for her. Double play for the win in my book! You can watch it for free on the Peacock app.

My next runner up is a 3 way tie between Robert Englund, Gerard Butler, and Charles Dance.

I honestly enjoy all their performances because they each bring something unique to the role.

I cannot stress enough how violent the Robert Englund version is if you want to give it a go, but Erik Destler is insane, twisted, and fabulously murdertastic in this. I love the creepy, evil vibes the man gives off. Think of this film as a time travel AU of the original novel. I feel like he nailed Leroux Erik's darker, snarky personality that some people tend to forget he had and the gothic horror parts of the original novel are there. Bonus: they keep the Faust parallels like in the novel!

I'm gonna say it: I love the Charles Dance miniseries. I know it's not the best, but damn, he is so dry and sarcastic I cannot help but enjoy his performance. I want to pinch his cheeks and smother Cherik with the love his father never gave him everytime I see him. Again, this one focuses on the operas a lot, and for me it's a bit boring. But the backgrounds, settings, and props in this thing are fantastic and the costumes are wonderful too.

That leaves Gerard Butler in the 2004 movie. No he is not the world's greatest singing Phantom, but I don't care. I absolutely love his facial expressions and body language. The Phantom is an emotional, expressive dude and the Red Death costume scene is pretty good. I love how kind and sincere Emmy feels in this film and I appreciate she's not overracting and doesn't feel fake compared to some other Christines *coughSierracough* Being the film version of the ALW musical, this Phantom story focuses on the romance and Gerard excels at that. When he and Christine are singing Past the Point of no Return, I FEEL THEIR PASSION! And that's what counts more so than hitting the same notes we've all heard a million times before.

Now for the versions in the 'I will eternally like this' category 😊 :

The Phantom of the Paradise from 1974. This is also a very violent and dark film so fair warning if you haven't seen it. It's a bizarre rock musical, but if you're weird like me and enjoy Rock & Rule or the Rocky Horror Picture Show, this might be a film you'd like too. I don't want to spoil it too much but the Faust/devil parallels are here too, as is various pop culture references. His teeth and mask are terrifyingly cool, and so is the electronic voice box he uses. It makes sense Daft Punk was inspired by this film. Maybe G1 Soundwave was inspired by this film too, but that's a debate for another day 😉

Next is the animated 1988 film. This one features animation on par with other 80s tv cartoons of the time. I love that they kept the Persian and the torture chamber from the novel. The Phantom's death scene is pretty damn epic. Christine is kind of a flake, but animated Leroux Erik is hilariously insane and terribly charming, especially when he calls himself a Don Juan. It's worth watching just for his antics and his dialouge.

You might not expect a Goosebumps episode to do a Phantom story any justice, but here we are: 1995, The Phantom of the Auditorium is a spooky fun take on the story and honestly, I'd like to see the full play the kids at that school are putting on cause it looks better than some of the live Phantom stage scenes I've seen. Both young boys playing the Phantom are fantastic actors and the plot twist at the end is great.

I absolutely have to give a shout out to Wishbone's Pantin at the Opera. He is the best, cutest, most adorable Raoul de Chagney ever and I will fight you if you dare talk smack about this version. I'm not even a Raoul stan by any means but like, this dog is precious and I enjoy this episode so much.

Also in the animated category and cute dog category is Scooby Doo Stage Fright made back in 2013. This movie is one of my fave Scooby Doo films (yes I own almost all of them on dvd) and there are multiple Phantoms, a reality tv show contest, and Fred and Daphne finally kiss each other! Lots and lots of hidden Phantom references in the background and lots of voice acting talent for those of us who appreciate that.

Now for the versions I intensely dislike 😏

The 1962 Herbert Lom version. UGH where to start. The sets are so small and everything looks dirty and of the wrong time period. The color in the film looks washed out. The clothes look too modern somehow (maybe it's their hairstyles?) and it bothers me. It feels low budget in a bad way and it shows. This phantom is not likeable or pitiable even though his backstory is similar to the Claude Raines version. He has no romantic interest in Christine, so it feels off. This guy is such an old a$$ piece of sh*t, he literally slaps Christine as she's singing for him for no damn reason. His paper mache mask looks like a Kindergartener's botched art class project. His personality is like somebody locked up cranky grandpa in the basement and he's PMS-ing because y'all forgot to give him his daily prune juice. This squatter's lair lacks creepiness, and his bizarre sidekick is annoying and yet somehow more interesting than the Phantom. The pervert manager trying to bang Christine aggravated me and simultaneously made me want to vomit. Raoul is the only likeable character in the whole damn movie. The Joan of Arc opera scene makes up for some of the film, but it's still terrible.

Next on my meh list is the 1983 made for tv movie starring Micheal York and Jane Seymour. Now, this one has some likeable and applaudable scenes: the various murders and general creepiness of the Phantom, and the lair scene when she wakes up in his bed and the Phantom gets all up in her face is so intense and so Leroux I absolutely love it. The rest of the film is a jumbled hot mess at best, but Jane Seymour is 🔥 and she gets some damn good sex, so hell yeah to that!

And lastly, I do not like the Royal Albert Hall 25th anniversary recording. I should preface this by saying it is Sierra I don't like. I like Ramin, I love Hadley, everyone else is wonderful but I cannot stand Sierra. She tries too hard to make Christine a Disney Princess- and that doesn't fly with me. It comes off as insincere or mocking the source material at best, and at worst it makes Christine look like an airheaded ditz. Apparently Sierra played Ariel at one point which is hilarious because of all the Disney princesses, I dislike her the most. But that's a different rant for another day.

And finally, the one I hate most of all:

The 1998 Argento film. This is the worst Phantom adaptation I've ever seen. It is a whole lotta nope for me. Between the rats, the unecessary and pointless telepathy, the r*pe scene, and the unfunny weird vibe from the murder going on in this film it's a disaster from start to finish. Honestly, it's the rats and his hair that bother me from a visual standpoint alone and it's beyond disgusting the way this a$$🤡 treats Christine. I don't like any of the characters in here and for good reason. It's not worth watching and if you do, be ready to bleach your brain afterwards.

💖 Sorry if this was a long read! Thanks again for giving me an ask and I will cherish it forver!!!! 💖

[carewyncromwell]

Yo, what 1950s disney childhood coming of age adventure film taking place in a fantasy world linked to london (peter pan or alice and wonderland) do you/carey relate to and why? In all seriousness, these two films are probably my two favorite disney movies, so I'd love to hear your takes on them? How do the themes presented in both relate to carey and her story?

*rubs hands together eagerly* OH MY GOSH OKAY

So Lewis Carroll's book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (and its sequel Through the Looking Glass) is one of my personal favorite things on the planet. I grew up with the Disney version, but I first read the book in middle school during the most tumultuous time in my life, and it actually ended up being my escape for much of my middle school career. I would, no joke, scarf down my lunch every day at my lonely spot at the end of the lunch table and then run away to the library and read a compilation of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass every single day. It was my escape from the real world, which was similarly mad and topsy turvy, and yet much less harmless and quirky than the Wonderland I read about. Therefore, as one can imagine, I'm also very fond of the Disney animated film. I'm also usually more forgiving toward adaptations of the Alice story than most other book-to-movie adaptations, because the original book lacks any kind of stakes, morals, or even "point," which makes it so you almost have to change things in order to make a movie-going audience care about what's going on. (Though making all the Wonderland characters freedom-fighters is still a little weird, Burton. AND THE RED QUEEN IS NOT THE QUEEN OF HEARTS, YOU BLOODY MORON.) For Disney's animated film in particular, I think it's an admirable adaptation of the material, especially from a visual standpoint -- all of the characters are so saturated and dynamic against the dark backgrounds, and even though I wish that it had more fully embraced the childish whimsy of Mary Blair's style, at least her eye for color came through. The soundtrack is also singularly unique in Disney projects, if you ask me -- one would never call Alice in Wonderland a musical, but it actually features more songs than most Disney fare, and the music never really stops, even when it's not lyrical.

As for Peter Pan, although I was a "pirate and mermaid" kid growing up and I really enjoyed playing with Peter Pan-centric toys, I was and remain less emotionally invested in both the story and the Disney adaptation of it than a lot of people I know. (The kinds of mermaids I liked best were from The Little Mermaid, and the kinds of pirates I liked best were from Muppet Treasure Island. 😂) I actually ended up watching a VHS of the filmed TV production of the Peter Pan musical starring Mary Martin more than the Disney version when I was little, just because I enjoyed the music more (not that I don't like any music from the Disney version! The Second Star to the Right and You Can Fly! You Can Fly! You Can Fly! are both awesome, and the little whistling music cue that announces Peter is pure genius). Then I saw both Hook and the 2003 live action version of Peter Pan, and the second of those remains my personal favorite adaptation of the material I've seen, because it -- more than any other adaptation I've encountered -- remembers that Peter Pan is in truth Wendy's story, not Peter's, and it really goes out of its way to make Wendy both dynamic in the story and very relatable. (Plus Jason Isaacs as Captain Hook?? Best -- casting -- ever.) And admittedly as well, the interpretation of the Native Americans in just about all versions of Peter Pan is a bit...well, uncomfortable, to put it mildly. I always cringe watching the Mary Martin production or the Disney version now, whenever they pop up. But all that being said, Peter Pan -- since its visual design, like Alice, was based on concept art by Mary Blair -- also has absolutely gorgeous, striking colors, as well as some really amazing voice acting performances. It's a classic for a reason, and even if I don't get as excited about it as many other people do, I still like it a lot.

As for what Carewyn would think, hmm...I actually headcanon her favorite Disney film as Mary Poppins (she likes the idea of a sophisticated, classy witch going around and helping people 💗), but I could see her relating to both Wendy and Alice, for different reasons. She's always been a bleeding heart, nurturing "Mama Bear" type like Wendy, but her world has definitely been turned upside down just like Alice's too, thanks to the Cursed Vaults. (I know I'm not the first person in this fandom who's made connections between Wonderland and HPHM's storyline, whether by naming their MC's after its characters @mizutoyama or by drawing gorgeous crossover art @thegoldenbuccaneer 😘)

[neoyi]

Continuing on from the last play session, this one covers Disney Castle/Timeless River, Port Royal, Agrabah, and Sora’s second return to Twilight Town.

*I’m fairly indifferent with Demyx, but I get why he was a fan favorite back in the days. He’s got personality: cowardly, lazy, and apathetic, Demyx probably mooches off the rest of the Organization XIII’s sweet pad, playing his sitar and doing weed, and never paying rent.

*Mickey Mouse Club was a horrifying choice to use as Disney Castle’s primary background music, it’s almost insidiously catchy.

*I love how little you actually need to fight within Disney Castle because Minnie’s holy powers mean she can fuck up a Heartless’ day anytime.

*Yeesh, I don’t miss Daisy’s portrayal as a Nagging Girlfriend at all, it's such a garbage characteristic. She’s so unreasonable here that it borders on parody.

*I feel like the writers had to squeeze in a small “We can’t mess with the timeflow here” in order to leave Timeless River as is. Er, was? Which, fine, time travel is a finicky thing, but it's especially a safety net because it prevents Sora and friends from trying to redeem Pete.

Like I think this is the only section in the game where we get any kind of sympathy for Pete, being so miserable working for Maleficent and longing for days gone by as a former sea captain. Sora and pals had no issue working with Past Pete to stop Current Pete, so one would think in another situation, they'd convince his retro self to stick with boats instead of any grand ambition of evil. It wouldn't be the first time Sora gave a shit about rules if it meant helping the greater good, but I guess he made an exception here or something.

*I'm also amused by Timeless River because the time traveling here is so innocuous and confined to this particular Disney World. I've heard the main plot in later games goes balls-off-the-walls apeshit with the time traveling in comparison and oh boy, I can’t wait till I get to those!

*I could see Disney telling Square Enix why Pirates of the Caribbean had to follow the movie’s plot beat-for-beat during game development, what with being the hottest shit at the time of the game’s release, but it means a hell of a lot more cutscenes than any of the previous Disney Worlds I’ve been in and the experience is poorer for it.

The Disney Worlds work best when they aren’t adapting its respective movie almost scene-by-scene, but utilizing their chief characters and setting that integrate with the bigger narrative while being self-contained (dear god, Kingdom Hearts is basically Disney Extended Universe.)

It’s stifling even for a game studio like Square-Enix and their notorious love affair with cinematic cutscenes, and an example of what happens when the game is restricted to playing an abridged version of its respective film.

*I will never understand why they censored the guns the pirates were holding. I get the characters are realistically designed and thus, might evoke a more visceral image of Characters Shooting Pistols In A Fictional Game For An All-Age Audience, but like Clayton from the first KH had a gun. Were they really concerned that Sora would get hurt from a bullet wound when they had no problem with Clayton shooting him in the face just because he looked more like a cartoon?

This problem also plagues Xigbar even though his guns are much more fanciful in design.

*My god, the models for the PoTC cast is still strikingly good even now. Square Enix had made a reputation as a studio that blew you away with incredible graphics that no one else was able to capture at the time. A lot of game companies has since caught up, but back then, they were on another level.

*Speaking of horrendous Disney executive meddling, this game also has the Chicken Little summon, a character who otherwise likely would never have appeared in the games because nobody goddamn loved that movie. Presumably, the little bastard got in because that was the latest Disney Animated Canon that was to arrive by the time KHII came out.

And man, Chicken Little is a wretched, wretched film.

*Bless James Arnold Taylor, he is a fine voice actor and he really tries, but he can’t capture Jack Sparrow.

*I was shocked the first time when they decided to adapt Return of Jafar. I assumed Disney sequels didn’t “count”, but lo and behold, there’s the Iago redemption arc.

*Kairi is only marginally better here than in KH1 by a significantly low bar. About roughly the halfway point of the game, she gets sick of waiting and when the first opportunity strikes, she decides fuck it, she’s gonna find Sora and Riku by herself. ...Then she promptly gets kidnapped by Axel minutes later. I mean, she tried.

*Pluto’s ability to just end up any goddamn place he wants with no rhyme or reason is the funniest reoccurring thing in the series. I love how he’s the first character to end up in the World That Never Was even though he’s just a dang dog.

*Kingdom Hearts is a game that you have to take at face value, otherwise questions start rising about the nature of an anime boy traveling with a sentient dog man and a disgruntled duck with no one in any world finding this strange.

Twilight Town is such a sleepy, ordinary town with local urban myths the closest to anything weird happening that in any other situation, would probably wonder just what is up with that kid, Sora, and his doofy traveling companions.

“hey guys are you also seeing a dark, magical floating portal with an axe symbol or is it just me?”

*The way Seifer just shoved the Struggle trophy into Sora’s (well, Goofy’s when Sora refused it) hands after the trio saved him and his friends from the Nobodies feels like a comical tsundere gesture (”J-Just take the trophy, baka!”)

*Sora being adorable again because he just missed Kairi in Twilight Town and he cannot stop thinking about her is wholesome as all get out.

*Twilight Town is established as A Normal Town that just happens to be a hot spot for weird multidimensional hoppers. So...what the fuck is Vivi?

In FF9, he's literally a sentient creature that was created (Black Mages being separate species in Gaia than just a class), but it's clear the FF characters in the KHverse are alternate universe takes on their prime counterparts. The implication is that Vivi is and has always been a resident of Twilight Town. But is he still a Black Mage? Or is he human, but his brimmed hat is so big it covers his entire face so it only gives the illusion that his face is shadowy?

(I know, I know, this definitely falls into overthinking territory.)

[365days365movies]

March 15, 2021: Clash of the Titans (Review: Part Two)

So, now that I got that off my chest...

Let’s talk about the actual movie, huh? Because I don’t hate it...but it’s not my favorite adaptation of Greek myths at the same time. And OK, let’s get off of the classics horse for a little bit, and I’ll think about this in terms of a movie on its own merits. It’s...fine. It’s OK, it’s actually not bad at all. I guess ignoring Greek mythology here is a little hard for me, but I’ll work through it.

In truth, I kind of just want to jump into it. Said most of what I needed to in the first part of that review. Check that out here if you want to read my version of an adaptation of the Perseus story. If you want, obviously, because it’s REALLY LONG, fair warning.

Review (2/2)

Cast and Acting: 8/10

OK, HOW is this movie go goddamn stacked with talent? Like, holy shit! Harry Hamlin as the lead is OK; he does a decent job as Perseus, but he doesn’t really give the character any memorable personality, if I’m gonna be honest. Judi Bowker manages a little better with Andromeda, but in both cases, I think it’s just the material the actors were given, rather than their actual talent. Oh, and Neil McCarthy as Calibos was also pretty good! Almost forgot him, to be honest. He’s weirdly one of the standouts, performance-wise. But yeah, back to that whole “stacked with talent” thing...Maggie Smith, Jack Gwilim, and Burgess Meredith are all in here, and they’re expectedly great. I mean, Gwilim doesn’t really get a chance to shine that much, but he’s still fine in this movie. And Maggie Smith is pretty fantastic, as is Meredith. Didn’t expect either of them in this movie. So, imagine my surprise when FUCKING LAURENCE OLIVIER WAS IN IT! Like, holy shit, dude! And Olivier is sort of dialed in, and sort of...not. This is later in his career, sure, so I wasn’t necessarily expecting him to be on, but he was still Laurence Olivier, he was still very good! But was he perfect? Eh. His grandiose performance doesn’t quite fit with the movie, and I really couldn’t see Zeus as much as I could see Olivier. It’s an issue, but not a monumental one.

Plot and Writing: 6/10

...I AM SORRY. I know, I KNOW, I shouldn’t be judging the writing and plot of this movie this harshly, but I just think it could’ve been done better, seriously. And beyond that, the writing of this movie (done by Alan Beverley Cross) is fine, but it fells...dated. And yeah, obviously this is essentially a period piece, but this movie feels like it’s been ripped out of the 1960s, not the early ‘80s. And that might be because this is the same writer as Jason and the Argonauts, WHICH DEFINITELY SHOWS. This movie feels like a slightly updated version of that one, and I’m not a massive fan of that. Also, his wife was Maggie Smith, so that’s interesting. But yeah...I dunno. I think this could’ve been better, is all.

Directing and Cinematography: 7/10

Gotta be honest, I thought Desmond Davis’ directing and Ted Moore‘s cinematography were both...OK. Nothing spectacular, not gonna lie. I really only thought that they were OK, not great. Competent, not excelling in the field and all that. Once again, it could’ve been better, is what I’m saying. Most of the better aesthetics of this film some from what’s in the shots, not how it’s shot, and not the position of the camera. Which means...

Production and Art Design: 9/10

Yeah, this movie LOOKS fantastic, absolutely no question there. This is a great-looking film, and Ray Harryhausen is a huge part of that, obviously. I mean, come on, it’s Ray Harryhausen, he’s awesome. But outside of my obvious fan-crush on Harryhausen and stop-motion animation, the film also does look legitimately good! Calibos’ makeup, alongside that of the Grey sisters, is pretty solid. The outfits are good, the sets look great, I love Olympus’ simple set-up...it’s just a great looking movie! I have a lot of issues with this movie, but the look isn’t one of them. If I had one problem, though...the Kraken looks goofy. THE KRAKEN LOOKS GOOFY, OK? He just does, to me.

Music and Editing: 8/10

This is some great music. Really, Laurence Rosenthal did a wonderful job here. It’s RPG background music for sure, even though I don’t consider it playlist caliber for me. It’s a diverse and sprightly soundtrack, and it’s a memorable score for sure. Editing is pretty good as well, as done by Timothy Gee. Not necessarily something that I’m writing home about, but it is good. Honestly, no specific comments with this one, in terms of editing.

I am weirdly OK with a 76% here.

And that’s not even slightly related to the inaccuracies to the original myths. I genuinely think this movie is only OK. DEFINITELY a worse movie than Jason and the Argonauts and Disney’s Hercules, and both of those are extremely inaccurate to the myths. I just think this is a mediocre movie with some fun nostalgic effects. That’s just how I feel about it.

But if this movie did anything, it’s put me in the mood form films with good effects and makeup! Let’s keep the trend up, huh? Maybe even get a good movie out of it.

March 16, 2021: Legend (1985)

[gojira007]

Movie Meme

Took me a bit of time, but I was tagged by @bunnikkila to list my nine favorite movies, and since I can’t help but be ridiculously verbose about that very topic, you can see them all under the cut 8D

As for who I tag?  Well, as always with the caveat that you are free to ignore if you don’t wanna, I’ll go with: @elistodragonwings @kaikaku @donnys-boy @robotnik-mun @sally-mun @fini-mun @werewolf-t33th  @cviperfan and @wildwoodmage​

and don’t worry, if you DO go for it, you don’t have to get as Extra as I did about it XD

9.) 

Look, the meme is about Favorite Movies, not necessarily the BEST Movies, OK?  And for the most part this list consists of films where that division is less meaningful in terms of how I evaluate the other movies on here.  But in this specific case, “Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie”, which is ultimately not all that different from the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ TV show it spun off from and thus not particularly impressive as a work of Cinema Qua Cinema, makes the cut primarily because it’s a movie I know so well and have enjoyed so often that I can practically recite the whole thing to you by rote; I quote it all the time in my day-to-day life, I think about it often when I need a little smile, and it’s also become my favorite tool for introducing newcomers to MST3K as a whole since it was designed with a slightly broader audience in mind than the more willfully-eclectic series.  And given how much I love MST3K As A Whole, that’s an especially strong factor in its favor.

8.) 

Looky looky, @bunnikkila, we (unsurprisingly) have a pick in common!  I’m sure this is the one and only time THAT’S going to happen on this list. 8D

Y’know, nearly thirty years (and one fairly useless remake >_>) later, I think the thing that impresses me about “The Lion King” is just how much it is still able to grab me emotionally.  Some of that is unquestionably tied up with how strongly I associate this movie with my family, all of whom it became very special to as a Shared Experience.  But I also don’t know of a lot of people who haven’t had that same emotional experience with it, and that to me suggests there’s more going on here than just Nostalgia.  The mixture of Shakesperean plotting with Disney’s signature strength of Character, for one thing, granting the movie’s story an Epic Scope that never forgets the emotional inner lives of its cast.  The music for another, not only its instantly-iconic song-book but also its memorable score, armed with both Big Bombast and Gentle Sentiment.  And the unforgettably gorgeous animation, rendering every last element of its world with believable naturalism and strongly-defined personality.  All of it, together, makes for what I still personally consider the Crowning Achievement of the Disney Renaissance.

7.)

I think, if I had to name the thing I find most lacking in far too many modern Action Movies, it’s Clarity.  They all tend to lard their plots up with a bunch of unnecessary contrivances and complications in hopes of making themselves appear more clever than they actually are, and all it usually does is just dilute the impact of the whole thing.  “Mad Max: Fury Road”, by contrast, is all about Clarity.  I could sum up literally its entire plot in a paragraph if I wanted, because it is basically One Big Chase Scene from start to finish, never really deviating from that structure for more than a few minutes at a time.  And that, combined with its exceptionally well-crafted Action Sequences, means that the full weight of its visceral power hits you full force every time.  But don’t be fooled; that simplicity is not to be mistaken for shallowness.  Indeed, precisely by getting out of its own way, knowing exactly what it wants to do and why, “Fury Road” also delivers a story that is, in spite of what you might guess, genuinely subtle and smart.  Every character is immediately unforgettable and compelling because their role in the story is so well-considered and their personalities all so stark.  The world it crafts feels at once fascinatingly surreal and yet All Too Real at the same time because even its most Fantastic elements are ultimately just grotesque reflections of things the audience knows only too well.  And most of all, it tells a story with real, meaningful Themes that are deeply woven into each of its individual elements, such that the whole thing is deeply satisfying emotionally, but also piercingly Relevant in all the best, most affecting ways.

6.) 

Oh look, another pick I have in common with @bunnikkila!  This must be the last one, right?

But yeah, this is just a legitimately great movie, at every level, in every way.  Stylistically, it is one of the most radically inventive things to have ever been made in the world of Western Animated Movies, gleefully mixing together a vast array of Aesthetics and Techniques that are at once viscerally distinct and yet coherently connected, all rendered with a fantastic eye toward the world of Comic Book Visual Language that keeps finding new and extremely fun ways to play with that instantly-recognizable iconography.  For that alone, I would call it one of the greatest triumphs of 21st century animation.  But then, on top of that, the story it tells is one that is simultaneously Arch and self-aware, delivering some of the most fantastically hilarious punch-lines imaginable more than a few of which are at the expense of the very franchise it is working within...but also entirely earnest, sincere, and emotionally affecting.  It is, at once, a movie that manages to be about The Idea Of Spider-Man in its totality while also being about just one kid coming to grips with who he is, what he can do, and what his life can be.  I don’t know that I can remember the last time a movie so immediately and unmistakably marked itself as an Enduring Masterpiece, but “Into the Spider-Verse” absolutely pulled it off.

5.)

Ordinarily, I would cheat and give this slot to the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy in its totality.  But somehow, the fact that this is about “FAVORITE” movies instead of just what we think the BEST one is compels me to narrow it down to just one.  And if I had to pick just one, it would be the first of the three, “Fellowship of the Ring”.  It’s not necessarily anything that the other two movies get wrong, either.  All three of the LotR movies possess many of its keenest strengths, after all.  For a starter, there’s the keen understanding of how best to adapt the source material without being enslaved to it; capturing many of its most iconic moments while cleverly tweaking elements to make them more cinematic, knowing what scenes to focus on for the sake of more clearly focusing the emotional through-lines of the story, and knowing what scenes, no matter how good on the page, ultimately don’t fit to the shape the adaptation has taken.  There’s also its pitch-perfect casting, each and every actor doing a fantastic job of embodying the characters so well that even as your personal vision of them from the books may differ radically from what is on-screen, they nonetheless end up feeling Right for the part and a strong, compelling presence.  And there’s the deft visual hand of director Peter Jackson, who knows exactly how to craft a Middle Earth that feels at once lived-in and real but also Fantastic and magical.  “Fellowship”, for me at least, thus wins out mostly because it has the good luck of being adapted from the strongest of the three books, the point at which the narrative is at its most unified and thus has the strongest overall momentum.  But also because so few movies have so swept me away with the sense of stepping into a world I have always dreamed of in my mind’s eye, and that’s the sort of thing that can only happen at the beginning of a journey.

4.) 

Now here’s a movie that is literally sown in to my very being.  It’s the last movie my mother saw in theaters before becoming a Mom.  I grew up watching the “Real Ghostbusters” cartoon all the time and playing with the attendant toys; I had a “Ghostbusters” Birthday Party when I was, like, four years old.  It has been my annual Halloween Tradition to get myself a big Cheese Pizza and watch this movie for about as long as I’ve had disposable income to myself.  There is, quite literally, no point in my life where I don’t remember “Ghostbusters” being a fixture in it.  And as a nice bonus?  It is, legitimately, a Genuinely Great Movie.  I realize that isn’t quite as universally agreed upon these days as it was even a few years ago (thanks, Literally The Worst Kind Of Virulently Misogynist Assholes lD; ), but I still feel pretty confident in saying this one really is That Good.  I still find basically every one of its jokes hilarious; even now I could quote just about any one of them and get a laugh.  I still find its central premise, What If Exorcism Was A Blue-Collar Business, a brilliant, almost subversively clever one that takes The Supernatural out of the realm of The Unknowable and into a world where even you, an ordinary person off the street, can in fact fight back against it.  I still think it’s one of the all-time great examples of how to balance Tone in this sort of High Concept Genre Bender, by allowing The Story to be played relatively straight while allowing the comedy to flow naturally from the characters’ reactions to that story, allowing its Ghostly aspects to land as Genuinely Scary (or at least Worth Taking Seriously) without getting too Stern and Serious about it.  And I still listen to that unforgettable Title Song all the time!  So yeah, even if I could be more objective about it, “Ghostbusters” would almost certainly make this cut.      

3.) 

And so we come to the third and last pick I have in common with @bunnikkila, not coincidentally a movie that played a key role in solidifying our friendship, as bonding over our shared love of it was a big part of how we got to know each other on deviantART waaaay back in the day <3

By 2008, I really didn’t think it was possible for a movie or comic or TV show to really become “part” of me anymore, the way things like Sonic the Hedgehog or Marvel Super Heroes or Some Other Movie Character Who Might Be At The Top Of This List had.  And then “WALL-E” came along and proved that to be completely, utterly wrong.  I didn’t just love this movie, I was inspired by it, to a degree of strength and consistency that I’m still not entirely sure has yet been matched.  And to be sure, some of that is undoubtedly because the movie had already basically won the war before I’d even bought my ticket; Adorable Robots In Love is something like My Platonic Storytelling Ideal, after all.  But even setting that aside, “WALL-E” is a movie where even now I can’t help but be keenly aware, and gently awed, at the beauty of its craft; indeed, watching this movie in a theater did a lot to make me better understand why movies work on us the way they do, because I left that theater chewing so much on every last one of its elements.  Its gorgeous animation, the way it conveys Character through Actions more so than language, the dream-like quality of its musical score (even as i type this i get teary thinking about certain motifs), the clear and meaningful way it builds its theme and story together so harmoniously, and the particular perspective it takes on our relationships with each other, with our environments, and with our own technology...all of it speaks to me deeply and profoundly, and it’s no coincidence that I have seen this movie more times in theaters than any other on this list (twelve times, for the record, and I still remember each and every time XD).

2.) 

This one needs no personal qualifications, to my mind.  Yes, I have some degree of nostalgic attachment to it for having seen it relatively young with my brothers and being deeply moved by it then, but it’s not at all like the kind of Nostalgia I have for “The Lion King”.  “Princess Mononoke” is just flat-out, full-stop a complete Masterpiece, not just my personal pick for one of the single-best animated films ever made, but one of the best films period.  It’s almost difficult for me to put into words how great this movie is, certainly in a way that hasn’t been repeated to death by thousands of other smarter people, because no one of its elements quite answers the question of why it is so great, to my mind.  Yes, the animation is absolutely gorgeous with a design sensibility that brings Ancient Mythology to life so vividly that its influence can still be felt today (The Forest Spirit alone has been homaged all over the place).  And yes, the music is hauntingly beautiful, at once capturing the gentle rhythm of nature but also the elegiac tone of Life Moving On.  And yes, the story is an incredible mixture of the Broad Mythic Strokes of an Ancient Legend grounded in all too human Emotions and Ideas about the balance of nature, the full meaning and cost of Warfare, and perhaps most important of all, about how we determine Right and Wrong when everyone involved in a conflict is fighting simply for the right to survive.  But all of those things add up together to something even greater than a simple sum, because each one isn’t just good in its own right but because each element so perfectly reinforces the other.  And even having said all that?  I really could just carry on singing this movie’s praises.  Just...an absolute masterpiece, top to bottom.

1.) 

I don’t imagine any of you are terribly surprised at this, right?  I almost feel like it’d be redundant to explain my love for this movie, given how self-obvious I imagine it is to basically everyone who knows me Literally At All.  But heck, I’ve rambled on this long, why not go all the way?  Because the thing of it is, “Gojira” (to be clear, the original Japanese movie from 1954 rather than its American edit, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” from 1956) doesn’t just top the list by being a Great Movie.  Though to be clear, it really is.  Flawless?  No; there’s a reliance on puppetry that even for the time can be a bit chintzier than the movie can really afford, in particular.  But brilliant, even so, a heart-wrenching example of Science Fiction Storytelling As Allegory, one that, in a rarity not just for its own genre but indeed for many movies in general, very meaningfully lingers on its deepest, darkest implications.  Many a film critic has pointed it out, and it remains true: the stark black-and-white photography heightens the sense of Implacable Horror at the core of the story, and the way the central Melodrama, a tragic love triangle that carries with it many aspects of Class Conflict and Personal Desire VS. The Collective Good, ties back into the main story is truly beautiful in its elegance and emotional impact.  Still, for me personally, it tops the list, now and always, because it is a movie that affirmed something for me, that the character I had fallen in love with as a child convincing his family to watch a monster movie with him on television to prove his seven-year-old bravery, really was as genuinely as powerful and meaningful a figure as I had always imagined him to be. 

[polygarnstars]

fav anime/cartoon/animated movies?

okay okay okay okay okay

SO

i don’t really watch much anime so i can’t speak on that particular one BUT!

as far as cartoons go, some of the miniseries that cn has put out? *chefs kiss*

talk to me about over the garden wall and infinity train. especially book two of the latter??? lake is best character. lake said fuck cops. i love a lake. and of course things like gravity falls and avatar the last airbender and the original teen titans are all classics as well

meanwhile iN TERMS OF ANIMATED MOVIES

cgi? goes to spiderverse. hands down. nobody is surprised by this. look at it. look at it. on a similar note shoutout to the captain underpants movie for having some really well done animation in a style that reflects that of the books it’s based on, so many animated movies try so hard to reflect the disney/dreamworks/pixar style that it’s really refreshing to see studios, especially american ones, pushing the medium in more stylized and exaggerated directions. i know that 20th century fox is technically under the disney umbrella, but captain underpants released before disney acquired it, so yes i’m going to talk about it as if it weren’t.

NOW, AS FOR 2D ANIMATED MOVIES. i have a real soft spot for cartoon saloon’s work, in particular the celtic trilogy directed and produced by tomm moore. song of the sea is a particular favorite of mine, and i can’t wait for the last one of the three, wolfwalkers, to release. i’m also really excited to see their adaptation of my father’s dragon, since i grew up with those books - i feel like a lot of people, at least over here, must have, with them being kids books in the public domain and all.

actually, on the note of my father’s dragon! this isn’t one i’ve ever gotten to see, but it’s one i’ve been interested in since i first heard of it. apparently it received an animated adaptation just a few months before i was born over in japan. i was able to find an upload of the raw footage, but given i don’t know the language, i’ve never been able to actually watch it. on the off chance someone familiar with the language and grew up with my father’s dragon like i did happens to see this post, uh. if you’re into subbing, i guess there’s something for you! there is an interest in it, even if it’s just one person!

anyway, that rambling aside! i actually have another animated film i like a lot that’s connected to anime as well, albeit in a different way. the last unicorn. this one’s also based on a book, but unlike my father’s dragon, this one did see an american release, being produced by an american company. but the thing is, the film isn’t just an american animated film. it was produced for a british distributor, and animated by a japanese company, topcraft. you may or may not have heard of topcraft. but you’ve definitely heard of the studio that succeeded it! topcraft was actually the studio that animated nausicaä, which despite not being produced under the ghibli label is often thought of as the first ghibli film, and a lot of the staff from the company went on to work at ghibli itself! it’s funny. after playing through ni no kuni, i finally decided to stop being a stupid bitch who never watched a ghibli film without being distracted and go through the whole filmography from start to present, and there were moments in nausicaä, shots of nausicaä herself, where i looked at her and went, “she has amalthea’s eyes”. they have different colors and shapes, but i saw the way they were drawn in those shots, and it was the same. i knew nausicaä wasn’t technically a ghibli film going in, and i knew that a lot of the staff of the last unicorn went on to work with ghibli going forward - toru hara in particular was animation coordinator on the last unicorn, and went on to be a producer on several of ghibli’s earlier works - but it didn’t really register with me until that moment that, oh shit, i know this company. i don’t have a screenshot handy at the moment, but i’ll see if i can find the shot where it hit me later!

tl;dr: i don’t watch enough anime to really talk on that, but...

in terms of western cartoons:

over the garden wall

infinity train (especially book 2. also eyes emoji at book 3 i cannot WAIT for book 3)

and also of course avatar the last airbender, gravity falls, and the original teen titans, but those are all sort of such basic classic answers that they don’t count gvhdjkbhvfjdk

in terms of western cgi films:

into the spider-verse

and less so to a favorite extent but more as an appreciation of pushing boundaries of what western/american cgi tends to be stylistically, captain underpants: the first epic movie

in terms of western 2d films:

any of the works by cartoon saloon, particularly the celtic trilogy with an emphasis on song of the sea (and also emphasis on me, sobbing and begging tomm for a release date for wolfwalkers. it’s supposed to come out this year please i’m dying butnahiknowwe’vegotkindofaSituationgoingonrightnowtakeyourtimeguys)

the last unicorn

[helenarlett-rex]

Rating Kaa

Little known fact. Ever since I was a kid, The Jungle Book has been one of my favorite books. And one of my favorite characters from the book was of course, Kaa. And being my favorite book, I’ve naturally watched every movie adaptation I could get my hands on. So I decided, why not rate every version of Kaa from best to worst in my personal opinion? (Please note this list will only include snakes from Jungle Book movies I have actually seen. I watch pretty much any one I find, but I haven’t seen ALL of them. I’m sure there are a lot of bootlegs out there I haven’t watched yet.)

#6

Bad CGI Kaa (The Jungle Book, 1994)

Oh yeah... There was a big snake Mowgli had to fight in that movie, wasn’t there? I almost forgot he existed... I don’t think he had much of a presence in the movie outside of one brief fight with Mowgli and then eating the bad guy at the end. But then the movie itself didn’t have much of a presence either so it was just a forgettable CGI snake in a forgettable movie...

#5

Disney Animated Kaa (The Jungle Book, 1967)

Hey it’s Mr. Bad Touch! He of the silly swirling eyes. I’m sure everyone who read Yiffpunk realized right away that the snake in that book was a direct nod to this guy. And that’s because he’s something of an icon in Furry culture. Well... certain parts of Furry culture... So I kind of had to give a nod to him in a book like Yiffpunk. But honestly I’m not all that fond of this goofy bastard. I don’t hate him by any means, but he’s nowhere near the top of my list. He’s just too goofy and it makes him the least accurate Kaa when compared to the book. But at least he has more personality than Bad CGI Kaa I guess...

#4

Rubber Kaa (The Jungle Book, 1942)

I don’t remember this big, vain, rubber snake who likes to be told he’s beautiful having a huge part in the 1942 movie, but at least the movie predates the Disney movie and Kaa hadn’t fallen into getting typecast as a villain yet. Did you know that was something Disney started? In the book Kaa wasn’t necessarily an evil character. He was more of a neutral character... And this version of Kaa definitely earns some points in my book for eating Tabaqui and when being asked about Tabaqui’s whereabouts, casually pointing to the bulge in his stomach and saying, “There he is right there.”

#3

Sexy Kaa (The Jungle Book, 2016)

While I’m not the biggest fan of Scarlett Johansson there ever was, she does have a rather sexy voice, so casting her as Kaa and changing him from male to female instantly made the big snake so much hotter as far as I’m concerned. (Sorry, but my preference is slanted more towards women.) And Scarlett Johansson’s rendition of Trust In Me was simply beautiful~ Although this was another Disney adaptation so Kaa was once again back to being a villain, and they gave her even less screen time than Animated Kaa, or even Bad CGI Kaa... So honestly all that potential was kind of wasted. If they’d just given her a few more scenes she may have actually made it higher on my list than number three.

#2

Russian Kaa (The Adventures of Mowgli, 1967 - 1973)

The Adventures of Mowgli was a series of animated short films released episodically in Russia between 1967 and 1971. Their version of Kaa is one of my favorites because he was one of the closest to the book I’ve ever seen. The scene where he rescues Mowgli from the monkeys was almost exact to the book as far as I remember. And while the movie goes on to make Kaa a third mentor for Mowgli, alongside Baloo and Bagheera, which is less accurate to the book... it was still nice to see him getting more love and more screen time than other adaptations have given him.

As a bonus this series also had my favorite version of Bagheera, and was one of the only two instances I’ve ever seen of film makers realizing that Bagheera is a feminine name and thus making the character female.

#1

Best Kaa (Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle, 2018)

For me, this was the best Kaa I’ve ever seen. Namely because they took Sexy Kaa and Russian Kaa and put them together. We finally got Kaa as a neutral character who helps Mowgli while still threatening to eat him if he doesn’t make it worth her time, and we got this character as a lovely lady snake. I’m not actually familiar with Kareena Kapoor Khan, but she beats out Scarlett Johansson big time. This Kaa doesn’t get as much screen time as Russian Kaa (but still way more than Sexy Kaa) but that actually works better for her. This movie also has the scene from the book where Kaa saves Mowgli from the monkeys, and while it was done more faithfully in the Russian version, having Russian Kaa stick around afterwards as one of Mowgli’s mentors made him too much of a good guy. Not doing that in this movie and limiting Kaa’s appearances, allowing for her to remain an outsider who only offers occasional help, really helped her feel more authentic to the book even if her scenes weren’t word for word exact. This movie actually brought me to tears just because someone finally got my favorite snake right.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Stories with Fandoms

bocajinsurgenc1

Hello there’  I decided to post a new post, given all the extra time I have! 

Let’s stay with quick things about myself!  -I am 23 years old and live in EST time-zone. -Usually, I have a part time job. Which is really part-time right now considering everything. -I ask that my partner and I write in 3rd Person, Past tense. -Reply/Post length can be set. As a bare minimum, I write a paragraph. More than happy to write more. 

-I am looking more than just having a ship together in a Roleplay. I want a plot. If that makes sense?  Not just romance.   Now onto the Fandoms.  Anything mentioned under, is a suggestion of thought I may Have on said Fandom. Of course, nothing here is needed to be used to build upon. We can build from the ground up.

Open to all sorts of genre themes like:

-Canon divergent,

-Canon-Rewrite/Rework,

-AU’s. What-If’s.

-Timey-Whimey problems. Groundhog Day,

and so much more.  Also, any Fandom with a *, is higher up on the list right now! All are open! *Star Wars: Considering (as time of writing this, May the Fourth two days ago), this is very fresh on my mind! I have seen all Nine-Saga Films, the Side Stories, and all the animated series of date. Not too caught on comics, thought. And my Knowledge, of the ‘Legends’ is very limited. So, ideally, I would want to stick to Disney’s Canon.  Open for all eras, to write with. Or, taking some of the Scrapped Battlefront IV art work of the What-If stuff and basing a story around them. Like Sith Luke and Leia, Redeemed Vader, etc. Or! I really liked the idea of a Imperial Navy Six like team, of Inferno Squad (Dice’s BFII). But, not have them jumps hip. Have them be Empire, ya know? *Final Fantas VII/Remake/Crisis Core:  I have finished the Remake and rather love it! I kinda hate seeing and hearing people on Youtube and online saying: Oh, its just Noruma adding his Kingdom Hearts logic to FF.  First, I don’t think KH is that hard to follow, and second. A HD remake of a story people already know, might not be so well received. Why not just play the original than? However! I love it! So, if we want anything to deal with the Remake, or the Crisis Core characters, I am so game. My good-boy Zack~ Kingdom Hearts: ‘None of this, makes any sense to me’ -Sora, Yozora.  Ahh, Kingdom Hearts. A series I love. Its precious to me. But, despite my love of all the games, and the story, I am more than happy to Re-work or Rewrite anything. Personally, I’d change up KHII alittle. Maybe go in a slightly more somber/dark route. Or, we can have our favorite characters in some AU, or Non-Canon adventure! Xion is my precious favorite character. Who is yours?  DC: First, I would mention I am a big fan of the CW shows. And, part of me (while I did enjoy Crisis on Infinite Earths, wanted a little more.) So, my first thought, would be to Re-write Crisis. One thing that really disappointed me, was the lack of Reverse Flash. He claimed, last Cross-over we would see him. And then just doesn't show up.  I would also, like more work in the fights and such. There wasn't much. Maybe more time with the Seven, who are stuck after they fail the first time around.  Another bit I wouldn't mind working with, would be the forgotten Synder Verse. I rather liked Batman V Superman, despite everything. It is one of those guilty pleasure type things. So, why not expand further where that universe was left off on? Power Rangers:  For this series, I have two major wants. (Of course, we can go in completely different route, too.) First, being a continuation of the 2017 Movie universe. I loved everything about that movie, and am heartbroken it will never go on. (Officially). Do what the cast suggested, and have a Female T.Oliver join the gang. Adapt more from MMPR.  The Second, would be a reWrite of Super Mega-Force (first by workshopping that name,) I am a fan of the Super Sentai Source of the season, and felt PR dropped the ball. We could create a new team for the pirate suits, have more Legendary Cameos and stories, and what not!  *Dragon Ball: From DB, to Z, Super, GT and Xeno-verse, I love most things Dragon Ball. I quite fancy the SSJ4 look, and Xeno style of Goku and Vegeta.  Though, in terms of plot ideas, I saw this Fan art of the Goku Black stuff from Super. However, Future Gohan was with Trunks, rather than Vegeta or Goku. I thought that could be a fun story! Or, we can play around with the Universe Six Saiynas. I rather enjoy them, so why not dive deep with Cabba, Caulifla and Kale? Persona 5/Royal:  The only Persona I have properly played; though, I am not fully done with Royal. (Aware of some spoilers, so no worries there). I love the world and characters quite a bit, so I felt the need to put this on the list, as the next entry as well.  Fire Emblem: Three Houses: I won’t lie, I haven’t finished all playthroughs yet. I was failing hard when the game came out, but given all the time I have had, I’ve been playing more! Another case of loving the characters and wouldn’t be against working out an idea!  *Pokemon: I know the games more, than anything else. Though, I have liked the concept of Re-Working Colosseum’s story. Give Wes a personality, actually. Not just the Silent-Protag trait. Maybe adapt some of the newer Pokemon into the region, as well. Explore what caused Wes to betray the Organization he worked for, what was the line they pushed that caused him to say, ‘I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,’ Perhaps we can even given him a reluctant attitude towards it. Not trying to stop Snag’Em, rather trying to keep his head down low at first.  Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Quick note, I am not fully caught up with Part-8. Thank you.  That’s it for now! Again, anything here is not needed. We can build from the ground up!  My contact stuff, as I do like using Email first, before maybe moving to a different platform, is: onesplendidbubble@gmail.com.  If interested in anything, let’s get in touch! Thanks for reading!

[readbythestarlight]

4, 8, 9, 12?

4. A film you could watch on repeat for the rest of your life?

Oh gosh this one is hard. I've had lots of movies that I’ve pretty much run on repeat in the past as comfort movies, but one single one that I’d be happy to watch on repeat for the rest of my life... hm. It’s tricky because I have favorite movies which are okay to watch dozens of times a year and others that I definitely only watch once a year or so.Maybe........ um.... I mean Jurassic Park never gets old, so that’s one. I can’t think of another answer atm so I’m gonna stick with that probably.

8. Which book would you like to see adapted into a film?

I’ve been DYING for a good movie adaption of A Tale of Two Cities. I used to entertain myself trying to come up with the perfect cast but I could never come up with the right people. I still desperately want it though. I’m sure there are good versions out there, but none I’ve ever seen and I need it.

9. The most aesthetically pleasing movie you’ve ever watched?

The first movie that came to mind was instantly Mad Max: Fury Road. Not that it’s my personal aesthetic or anything but like, the visuals! The color! The cinematography! I love everything about the way the movie looked. It might not be the most aesthetically pleasing I’ve ever watched, but it’s the first one coming to mind and is always way up there when I think of movies I like to look at as well as watch.

(A runner up would be Peter Pan (2003) because oh my god the colors in that movie? The costumes? Excellent.)

12. A movie that holds a special place in your heart?

So there was this TV movie adaption of the broadway version of Peter Pan that was professionally filmed and was later sold on VHS. It starred Mary Martin and Cyril Richards, and as a kid it was easily one of my favorite movies. And like, there’s a lot of movies I love, but there’s something special about this one particular grainy, background hum filled version of Peter Pan. As a kid I called it Sticky Peter Pan because at one point Peter tries to stick his shadow on with soap, and somehow that was the thing that distinguished this version from the Disney animated film for me.

Anyway, the movie was great, had wonderful songs (cause Broadway so, duh), and has always been super special to me. I still own a VHS of it and watch the movie whenever I can find it uploaded somewhere digitally (thanks, youtube!). So yeah, that’s it.

Thanks @jivvin

[a34trgv2]

Why It Worked: The Prince of Egypt

Introduction: The Prince of Egypt is a 1998 animated Biblical historic epic directed by Brenda Chapman, Steve Hickner and Simon Wells. Produced by Penny Finkelman Cox and Sandra Rabins, with the screenplay written by Phillip LaZebnik and Nicholas Meyer, the film retells the Biblical story of Moses and how he freed the Hebrews from slavery in Egypt. The film stars Val Kilmer, Ralph Fiennes, Sandra Bullock, Jeff Goldblum, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sir Patrick Stewart, Helen Mirren, Steve Martin and Martin Short and features music and songs by Hans Zimmer and Stephen Schwartz respectively. Released on December 18, 1998, the film received very positive reviews (scoring an 80% out of 87 critics aggregated on Rotten Tomatoes, with a 7.08/10 average rating), was financially successful (making $218.6 million on a budget of $70 million), won an Academy Award for Best Original Song (When You Believe), spawned a direct-to-video prequel focusing on Joseph (the dream interpreter) and a stage musical at TheaterWorks in California in 2017. Out of the 37 animated films DreamWorks has made, I always viewed The Prince of Egypt as not just my favorite, but also their best film in terms of quality. In this post, I'm going to explain why that is and why we need more films like this.

The Plot: For those who aren't familiar with the story of Moses, it's a tale about hardship, sacrifice and deliverance. A young Hebrew baby is saved from the slaughter of Hebrew babies ordered by Pharaoh out of fear. That baby is picked up by Pharaoh's wife and is named Moses, for he was pulled out from the Nile river. Moses grows up being Pharaoh's son until he finds out his true heritage and essentially exiles himself in the wilderness. There he meets God in the form of a burning bush who tells him that He has heard the Hebrews suffering and has chosen Moses to free them. 12 plagues and 1 crossing of the Red Sea later, the Hebrews are free and Moses is hailed a hero. While this film stays true to the original text for the most part, it does make a few additions and subtractions so that the film flows naturally at an hour and 40 minutes. I could talk all day about the changes made from the text to the film (such as Moses having a stutter and Mirriam giving Moses to the Queen) but in an instance I wish was more common place when it comes to adaptations, the filmmakers provided an opening statement at the start of the film. "The motion picture you are about to see is an adaptation of the Exodus story. While artistic and historical license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, value and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The Biblical story of Moses can be found in the Book of Exodus." It's clear that the filmmakers had nothing but respect for the material and told a strong story about two brothers going on different paths in life. They also don't shy away from the brutality of the story, while still making it accessible for children. People are whipped, drowned, attacked by locus, and even straight up killed. What makes this film stand out from other Biblical films is that it's animated, but not like that of Disney. Where Disney tends to go for the fantastical and colorful, The Prince of Egypt is more reserved and grounded. The characters move more like humans and are designed more like Egyptian hieroglyphics and paintings than fairy tale illustrations. This grounded approach makes the fantastical stuff all the more powerful. The parting of the Red Sea (with blends 2D and 3D animation perfectly) is still one of the most iconic scenes in animation history. The animation in this film is so unlike anything I've seen before or since and it also helps that the story is well written and is brutally honest with it's depiction of slavery and a tyrant ruler.

Cast and Characters: The cast they got for this film is excellent. Sure they're celebrities who (at the time) didn't have prior experience in voice acting (with the exceptions of Michelle Pfeiffer, Jeff Goldblum, Danny Glover, Sir Patrick Stewart, Helen Mirren, Steve Martin and Martin Short). That said, in this film they nailed their respective characters. Starting off with our hero, Val Kilmer gives such a nuanced performance as Moses, making him cockey and arrogant at the start and then making him so well spoken and wise by the end. Moses is such a relatable protagonist and has a genuine arc through the film. His brash and fun loving demeanor is in direct contrast to his uptight older stepbrother, Rameses. Speaking of which, before he was Voldemort, Ralph Fiennes gave such an amazing performance as Rameses, who's at the top of my list for the best villain is DreamWorks' animated catalog. The thing about Rameses is before he became a ruthless tyrant, he strived to be just like his father, who he saw as wise, percise and a real king. At the same time he had such a good relationship with his stepbrother, Moses, that he hoped that they'd make Egypt a better place together. That all changed when Moses came back from his self imposed exile and asked him to release the Hebrews in the name of God. Ralph Fiennes showcases the right amount of worry, stubbornness and sadness of this character, and the chemistry he shares with Moses is perfect. Everyone else does a great job voicing their respective characters as well. Michelle Pfeiffer gives Tzipporah such a snarky personality and makes for a good wife to Moses, Sandra Bullock makes Mirriam such a motherly sister, Jeff Goldblum made Aaron as essentially the voice of the cynical people which this film couldn't function without (also Jeff Goldblum is always a win), and Steve Martin and Martin Short work off each other perfectly as Hotep and Huy. Then there's our Lord and Savior Himself, God. In this film, God is portrayed as the all powerful being He is as described in the Bible. He protects His people, He tells Moses exactly what to do and how to do it, He shows mercy and good favor towards the Hebrews, and He does keep His promise in bringing His people out of Egypt. Val Kilmer provides the voice of God and it sounds so majestic and calm, it's like listening to your best friend.

Songs and Music: There is not a single song in this film that I don't catch myself humming to on a daily basis. That is how powerful these songs are. The opening number, Deliver Us, perfectly captures the oppression of the Hebrews as they are whipped, pushed, and yelled at by the Egyptians. Oh and also babies are slaughtered during this scene, making the song even more powerful. Moses' song, All I Ever Wanted, plays after his encounter with Miriam and Aaron and brilliantly showcases his doubts to his upbringing; right before he's hit with that amazing dream sequence done in the style of Egypt wall paintings. Look at Your Life Through Heaven's Eyes was such an upbeat and fun song that shows you your life has meaning and you should look at it with a more optimistic perspective (through Heaven's eyes, if you will). Playing With The Big Boys is an amazing number, showing the dark mockery of God from Hotep and Huy as well as some impressive visuals (also there's this dope rock cover of the song by Jonathan Young and Caleb Hyles you should really check out: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gqlNY5iX-nA). The 12 plagues are shown via a reprise as All I Ever Wanted and it is genius. The visuals get noticeably darker with each passing plague until all of Egypt is covered in darkness. And Moses and Rameses' duet perfectly captures their opposing viewpoints during this time. Then there's the Oscar winning song, When You Believe. It's the ultimate song of hope, of faith, of belief; it's the song that should be song and heard around the world, especially today when hope and optimism are seen as being ignorant. Also, Hans Zimmer's score for this film is nothing short of magical. The way he uses brass instruments to emphasize God's power is just glorious and the choir is used in the exact place you expect there to be a choir. It's so soothing and majestic, I wish I had the soundtrack.

Where it Falters: My only gripe with the film is the ending. Not that it's bad, but that, well, it ends. Despite the film promising to bring the Hebrews to the promise land, we never actually go there. I thought they'd get to that in a sequel, but that's not likely to happen anytime soon because DreamWorks Animation swore off 2D animated films after Sinbad tanked and they're not nearly as ambitious now as they were back in the 90s and 2000s. Cosmodore made this really insightful video about how DreamWorks Animation almost went bankrupt twice and why their recent output has been geared more towards families (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dLa7xe5GTWw) but the tl;dr is DreamWorks Animation was 1 more financially disappointing year away from closing up shop completely. Still though, I would love to have seen a sequel to The Prince of Egypt focusing on how Moses lead the people through the wilderness.

Conclusion: The Prince of Egypt stands as one of the best animated films ever made. With an amazing soundtrack, memorable characters, beautiful animation, and a stellar voice cast, it's one of a select few films I consider a masterpiece. You could argue that it's not accurate to the story told in the Bible (a fact the filmmakers themselves acknowledge), but it does stay true to the spirit of the story and it doesn't go out of it's way to convince nonbelievers that this is truth. As a film on it's own, it's great and I hope it's watched and remembered for generations to come. Thanks so much for reading and I'll see you soon ;)

[archaeopter-ace]

I want to talk about movie nostalgia for a moment. Specifically, remakes

With the upcoming releases of Aladdin and The Lion King, I see a lot of posts going around about how these films are just cashing in on nostalgia and won’t compare to the originals, etc. etc. 

And I agree that Disney as a corporate entity wields waaaaaaaay too much power, it is beyond ridiculous and very alarming. So by all means, hate on Disney for that. I just don’t see why remakes should be the only target of ‘Disney makes too much money’ scorn.

And the belief that live-action is intrinsically better is a yoke that animation has struggled under for decades, and it is a belief that needs to die. The two are just different, and it’s okay to have a preference for one over the other. I’m hoping that Into the Spider-Verse will be a turning point, insofar as getting animation the recognition it deserves goes.

But. When I see people finding faults in these remakes that haven’t even come out yet, I can’t help thinking of the Ghostbusters reboot. In 2016, that movie had to fight a battle on two fronts, against nostalgia crusaders and against misogynists. And sometimes misogynists couched their objections in nostalgia, and were called out on it. And sometimes nostalgists complained that they didn’t want a remake of their favorite movie, and were lumped in with the misogynists whether they belonged there or not. 

And I can’t help but think that maybe that movie would have done better commercially, if it had only had to fight one battle. If we were all more chill about remakes of popular movies, then maybe Ghostbusters would’ve only needed to push back against misogyny. 

If we want there to be a path open in the future for more diverse, progressive remakes (and the need for remakes to get that much-needed representation out there instead of ‘just creating new characters’ is its own discussion), we need to be more accepting of remakes in general. 

Remakes are nothing new. There’s not a decline in original material in Hollywood; oftentimes it's just that films in existing franchises get a lot of attention because they already have an existing fanbase. I Am Legend has been adapted into a movie three times, four if you count direct-to-DVD. A Star is Born has been adapted three times. Should they have stopped adapting Beauty and the Beast after the 1946 film? Or in 1962? Surely they should have stopped in 1987, c’mon, that’s three films with the same title.

But they did not stop there, for which I am glad, the 1991 animated film is one of my favorite Disney movies. Similarly, I enjoyed Judy Garland’s Wizard of Oz a great deal more than the silent 1910 version. Maybe that makes me a talkie snob. Also I liked Homeward Bound better than the earlier The Incredible Journey (some of you are pretending you’ve never cried at a live-action animal film before). Opinions on ‘which film you like better’ are totally fine.

And I’m not saying you have to go see these new films. I’m not saying you can’t criticize films before they come out, though I personally think there are more productive times to wield that particular hammer, like calling out whitewashing or other problematic things. But I think we should all keep in mind that a remake in no way takes away from our fond memories of the originals, or changes the originals in any way. 

Goodness knows I can have strong feelings of nostalgia myself. Like, I love the original Lion King. I know for a fact that the Lion King bed sheets we had when I was a kid are still in use on my grandma's futon. I can't think of any movie I've bought more merch for than The Lion King. Action figures, shirts, a lamp, plushies, a Lion King Polly Pocket-type thing of Pride Rock, mugs, Jungle Babies, markers, CD-roms, storybooks - we had it all. In my first apartment after college, my roommate hung a large Simba and Mufasa on our living room wall that she’d painted on craftpaper when she’d been an RA, and it stayed there the entire time we lived there. We watched The Lion King the first night in our news digs on her laptop, before we even had any furniture set up, and I complained about Zazu’s morning report song, because I liked his original littany of puns better, why couldn't they have left it alone.

Oh! That reminds me of another VHS-to-DVD change: The Muppet Christmas Carol, which is, hands down, the best adaptation of that book, but I digress. In the original movie, Scrooge’s fiancee Belle sings ‘The Love is Gone’ when she breaks up with him; this song was cut from the DVD release. I have in the past grumbled vociferously about this change, because now the reprise at the end, ‘The Love is Found,’ doesn’t carry as much weight. But. The thing is. I know why they would choose to cut that scene. It’s a long, boring song. I remember that as a kid, I sometimes fast-forwarded past it. So like, my nostalgia is really somewhat misplaced, here ;P

tl;dr Nostalgia is all well and good, but if everyone were a little more chill about remakes, it would clear a path for more progressive, inclusive reboots, so that they have one less battle to fight for their right to exist

[headlesssamurai]

Has everyone asked you about Jupiter Ascending?

@godzillaapproved

Yo, I ought to apologize to you for taking hella long to properly respond to this. It’s holiday season over thisaway, sure, but I ain’t nearly vain enough to assume just anybody gets why that can suck up a dude’s time. Reckon I’m sure there’s tons of national celebrations all over the world I’d never know about otherwise. Bah, I say! Going out and socializing is one of the few things more overrated than all those shitty Apple products. But yeh, in my case it was less the celebratory spirit of holiday festivities and more a sudden spike in workload, so my mental energy was roughed up by that, plus I was doing a new workout at the same time. Thus, whatever free time I had left was spent obsessively hammering away at the Steam sale items I’d recently bought. It’s like a coping mechanism. Well, that and cheap wine anyhow.

Regardless, regardless—holy shit what an obnoxious fucking way for me to open this up—this Ask of yours came at an unusually coincidental time. A friend and I have been meeting up every weekend to watch like semi-recent crappy movies just as a way to enjoy a bad drink and a good laugh. She likes to laugh, and I like to drink, so it works out. After working our way through every Transformers film by Michael Bay, then Cameron’s Avatar, Terminator: Genisys, The Amazing Spider-mans, Spielberg’s Crystal Skull, Ready Player One, and some of the more abysmal DC films, our last escapade into nonsense was the estimably hilarious Gods of Egypt, which reminded me of one of those excremental quicktime-event video games. You know, like Detroit Becomes Human or some shit like that (Oh wait, is it Detroit Coming of the Humans? Meh).

As luck would have it, like, the day before you asked me about it, the next film at which I suggested we take a crack was the Wachowskis’ own Jupiter Ascending, which my friend had not seen at that time. Nor had I, since first viewing it in theaters.

>>SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU CARE ENOUGH TO, UH… YOU KNOW, CARE

I was intrigued to give this movie another go. It’s struck me that I’ve got an odd streak of pleasantly enjoying movies a lot of people can’t seem to stand, or which some people even hate with utter vileness on the verge of hunting down the producers with a roll of duct tape, power tools, jugs of petrol, and a matchbook. I’ve enjoyed, for instance, Hardcore Henry, Elysium, and Joseph Kosinski’s Oblivion, all of which not one person I know in real life could offer a single word of kindness. After my first viewing of Jupiter Ascending, I was left to consider whether or not it was the sort of movie I should enjoy and allow others to hate and disparage, or if it just wasn’t that good. I recalled leaving the theater with a sort of “Hm” sound, and not much else. But given my history with rooting for an underdog, was I wrong? Is this movie actually good, or cool in some way? I couldn’t defy the sensation that I’d missed something.

The answer, it seems, is more complex than a simple yes or no. Then again, as Mason and Goat Han Solo often remind us, “there’s no nuance on the internet”, so even my assertion there about complexity may be in gross error.

For the unfamiliar, Jupiter Ascending is a science fiction tale with vibes of less-cliché aesthetic choices for its visuals, some cool references to UFO conspiracy theories, and aims at a more expansive universe that would no doubt have been further explored in sequels had this film been better received by audiences and critics. I’ll say outright, it’s a disappointment to me that we weren’t given the chance to see more films in this mythology, because there’s some really cool stuff going on in this weird, imaginative universe. The story centers upon the character of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), an average working-class young woman in Chicago who is shocked to discover not only that aliens exist but that she happens to be the reincarnation of a galaxy owning empress, which entitles Jupiter to ownership of a large portion of the cosmos, the least part of which is Earth itself. But as the Aussies say, something’s a bit suss about the whole affair, and the wondrous glamour of this technologically advanced universe is concurrently party to a dark truth.

An immediately intriguing element of Jupiter Ascending is its attempt to set-up something which, while perhaps greatly inspired by a few other fictional works, is an original property, not a sequel, reboot, adaptation of an existing work, nor a spiritual successor to something else. Rather than merely being intrigued by this fact, I also respect it, because high-concept science fiction films aren’t something a studio likes to go for unless they have a preexisting audience, like adaptations of a book series or something. So it’s always bold when someone can cobble together the resources to really take a chance on something like this, even if it isn’t well received. After all that’s how films like The Matrix, The Terminator, Ridley Scott’s Alien, George Lucas’ Star Wars, and John McTiernan’s Predator come to be in the first place. Another example, I didn’t quite enjoy The Last Witch Hunter, but I recall respecting that film’s risk in its attempt at a new property for similar reasons.

Irrespective of your own personal tastes as a moviegoer and consumer of science fiction, it can’t be denied that the Wachowski’s are measurably talented filmmakers. Their doubtless skill at framing shots, blending effects with reality to present an integrated experience, and choreographing action sequences with such lethal precision it’s always incredible to watch; all of these things can’t be argued, and this attentiveness for the craft is all very present in Jupiter Ascending. Toward the beginning of the movie, there’s an aerial chase sequence that promptly accelerates into one of the most engaging, gripping action sequences in memory, heavily fantastical sci-fi elements intermixed with almost Fast and the Furious levels of insanity. The sense of gripping speed alone as two characters cling to the outer hull of a spacecraft was helplessly intense and left me quite keen to see what else the movie had to offer further down the line.

Additionally we have some awesome art design and stylistic choices regarding the look of this sci-fi universe, both the appearance of aliens and the design of their technology was familiar and unique at the same time. There are beings referred to as “Splices” which are intermixes of humans and various animals, giving some people bestial characteristics which are just weird enough to be cool to me without verging over the edge into absurd territory. There are cybernetic enhancements, gravity boots, phalanx style energy shields, neural synthetic wings, motherfucking jet-bikes of course and, though I never would have dreamed, motherfucking lizardmen! That blew me away, dude. Others may think it’s stupid, but lizardmen are one of my favorite sci-fi/fantasy creatures of all time, and they look so badass in this movie it was unbelievably awesome to realize I was actually seeing a proper lizardfolk on screen. With lizardmen and jet-bikes, Jupiter Ascending quickly marks two-out-of-five on my Generally Awesome Things I Like To See In Science Fiction list. It’s a real list, in my head, I swear.

The starship designs were inspired by art deco architecture in cities like Chicago, lending Jupiter’s cosmos a feeling more of Herbert’s Dune-iverse than something like Star Trek, which I appreciated since we don’t see that type of style quite as much. Top all that off with a fantastic score from Michael Giacchino and you’ve got some great tools to tell an awesome story.

So the thing is, it’s not just skin deep either, while the film does lean heavily on its visuals and action set-pieces, this is a genuinely interesting universe. Michael Bay’s Transformers, for instance, also has cool visuals, some passable action scenes, and dazzling special effects, but is it interesting? The answer is no. Because Bay’s movies, while briefly entertaining, are ultimately hollow. There aren’t any subdermal layers beneath the facade of spectacle. But in Jupiter Aescending there’s clearly something else going on, the touch of true filmmakers for one, yet also the potential for so much more. The groundwork, the craftsmanship and attentiveness is all here. It’s really what they choose to do, or not do, with that potential which ends up disappointing. Not, as in the case of Bay’s movies, the utter lack of potential for greatness from the start.

Though some fandom-card carrying ideologues may acerbically disagree, an acceptably comparable film whose potential for greatness was also mostly wasted for middle-of-the-road mediocrity is the recent Solo: A Star Wars Story, by Disney Interactive– I mean, by Disney behind the appropriated guise of Lucasfilm. Whatever else you think of that film, and while I agree from a mythological standpoint its very existence was in extremely poor taste, the talent, the production value, the mark of the craft was there. None of this was, however, capitalized upon to create anything truly profound. Jupiter Ascending’s unfortunate drawbacks are of a similar form.

I’d like to state emphatically however, I’m not trying to punish the film nor act as its apologist. Reckon I always end up saying this, but I am really just some dude. Sure, I read a lot of books and stuff, but that doesn’t appoint me some grand authority on the subject of fiction. These thoughts I try to convey in my write-ups are meant merely as opinions, framed in the form of investigating the quality of a film or game or whatever. To that end, I’m compelled to side with most folks in that, whatever else its got going for it, there’s some major deficiency holding back Jupiter Ascending from rising to a higher form of entertainment. So if the production values are high, where’s the casus belli all the angry critics are seeing here?

To puzzle that out, we ought first to determine by what criterion a truly good story is shaped. In that regard it’s likely the wisest to begin by reckoning what sort of story we’re dealing with here. Most people are wont to jump straight to the whole Hero’s Journey every dickhead YouTube reviewer read about in some sparknotes book while using the shitter at Barnes & Noble. But Joseph Campbell’s mimetic architecture isn’t the only sort of story that exists, not even in science fiction. Consider, for instance, anything written by H.P. Lovecraft, Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain, Kubrick and Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, Jonathan Glazer’s Under The Skin, Philip K. Dick’s various works, Andrei Tarkovsky’s Stalker, Stanisław Lem’s Solaris, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina, or Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar. These stories, while very sci-fi in their scope and measure, are far more introspective, and very contemplative when contrasted against fiction of the more traditional heroic adventure genre. Hell, even Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers while appearing a mindless war movie on its surface is fundamentally a cautionary allegory. While conquering adversity is certainly a theme of its own within each of these stories, the breadth of that adversity’s effect on the narrative varies wildly, as well as the nature of adversity each character must face. Other heavier components, like displacement, post-humanism, philosophical allegory, are also usually present in such stories.

All of this likely seems a bit excessive to point out, but I promise it’ll get relevant later. But, uh… yeh. The next time some liberal arts asshat tries to tell you there’s only one real way a story can go, you can be safely justified in telling them to get bent. I mean read, yeh, tell them to read more shit, and watch more movies. That’d probably be more productive. But also tell them to get bent, the fuckers.

There can also, however, be stories that blend styles. The 2004 rebrand of Battlestar Galactica incorporates several philosophical elements, self-reflective, and meditative thematic ideas into its narrative of what would otherwise be a fairly standard science fiction conflict in outer space. The Wachowskis’ own The Matrix is a perfect example of a classic hero’s journey which also incorporates introspective themes into its lore, plot, and mythology, wherein the internal conflict of the protagonist is just as important as whatever external adversity he is meant to overcome. Where Battlestar Galactica 2004 uses its thematic material to craft a sci-fi adventure story, The Matrix uses a sci-fi adventure story to explore its thematic material. Seen in that light, I think the Wachowskis wanted Jupiter Ascending to have similar weight to its narrative, but they ended up recycling a sort of “human harvest” idea already seen in The Matrix (and arguably done in a more engaging way).

Jupiter Jones herself is a catalyst for an inter-familial conflict within a wealthy interstellar hierarchy. Though alien races do exist, the most dangerous aliens happen to be humans themselves, extraterrestrial humans of course. In Jupiter’s universe, it turns out that the wealthy and powerful have the ability to live forever (an idea also explored in the Neftlix adaptation Altered Carbon), but only by seeding countless worlds with humans, then harvesting these humans like crops and breaking these millions of people down into a sort of primordial youth serum by which the lives of the affluent may be extended.

Advanced genetics in Jupiter’s universe are the highest form of technology, and it is stated in all the cosmos the most sought-after resource is time. This is the reason these advanced humans out among the stars are able to splice human and animal genes, essentially creating entirely new races, and the reason why Jupiter herself is seen as a reincarnation of a woman who once owned countless stars and planets. Genes, to the wealthy and powerful, have a near spiritual significance. Jupiter is referred to as a Recurrence, a person who is long dead but whose gene-print inconceivably reappears in someone who is born centuries or even millennia later. This is seen as a near miracle, and thus is recognized by interstellar law as a legitimate reincarnation, giving this new person the same rights and privileges, and inheriting all the property previously held by the deceased person whose gene print they share.

And that’s where the conflict comes up. Jupiter is sought out by three siblings of the Abrasax family, one of the most elite and powerful families in the universe, of which she is the reincarnation of their mother and thus entitled to re-inherit all of their resources and capital which they currently control. The kids are Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), the well-to-do, but compassionate one, Titus (Douglas Booth), the more two-faced of the three who acts innocent but is clever as a viper, and Balem (Eddie Redmayne), the stereotypical villain of the piece who seems to have nervous ticks and an inability to raise his voice above a certain octave except in times of extreme stress. Of course, since Jupiter’s now meant to control everything they currently own, none of the three Abrasax kids can be fully trusted. Jupiter doesn’t have to face these three one-percenters alone however. She is accompanied by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) an ex-soldier and wolf-splice, known as a Lycantant, who is hired by Titus to safely retrieve Jupiter from Earth before his siblings can get to her. Caine’s former commanding officer, a bee-splice known as Stinger (Sean Bean) also appears from time to time, as well as officers of the Aegis, an interstellar law enforcement agency.

If you are having a hard time following the characters here, it’s probably because there just isn’t much to any of the characters other than what I’ve already written about them. And therein lies the primary flaw with this film. The characters aren’t interesting, and the greater tragedy is that the characters are written to be uninteresting. Where a ton of care and attention went into crafting the look, feel and depth of the wider universe acting as the story’s setting, the characters within this story are criminally underwritten.

Earlier, I went to great lengths to illustrate the wealth of variety throughout genres of science fiction, just how many different types of stories we might get within this narrative framework. The purpose of explaining all of that to such a degree was meant to show you that not everything has to follow the same narrative flow. Sometimes stories can be more abstract, less character driven, less action heavy. In that regard, a story exemplar like Blade Runner doesn’t really need to have strongly written characters because the interpersonal aspects of its journey are less important than its atmospheric setting and stylistic momentum. The gravitas comes from a different place than in stories which are more character driven.

However, if a story does want to give us something more conventional, then it’s extremely important that the characters are strongly defined, well established and, even if not likable, at the very least interesting. Though a bit out of this wheelhouse, Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby is notorious for featuring a dramatis personae of terribly vain, horrible sociopaths, but many of these characters are still written in a way that makes them interesting. Jupiter Ascending fashions itself as an epic space opera, a stylized adventure journey which goes from scrubbing toilets in Irving Park to rocketing through a wider spectacular galaxy. Within that story structure, the characters need to be given their proper attention, especially the protagonist. Only, this is not the case with this movie. In fact in Jupiter Ascending, the characters almost appear as afterthoughts, which is most unfortunate.

Despite being the protagonist’s love interest, Caine seems to have been given the most depth, as a literal lone-wolf personality, an orphan of a sort, a former soldier disgraced for an act of savagery, who longs to regain his military status as a Skyjacker, and was sprung from a prison called Deadland to rescue Jupiter from the clutches of filthy rich egomaniacs, a class of people he seems to utterly despise. Yet even Caine’s various portions of characterization are never fully explored, and he mostly serves as a vehicle to come dashing in and pluck Jupiter out of trouble over and over again. Secondary characters, other than Stinger (more on him later), are hardly there other than to function as a taxi service or exposition dump where appropriate, which is a shame since some of them have a great look but nothing else going on in the writing department to make them memorable. The Abrasax siblings are basically three different flavors of the same smug Soylent privilege, though Kalique seems to exist only to explain things for the benefit of the audience, and Balem seems to be accidentally memorable thanks to Eddie Redmayne’s unusual performance. Titus has some cool psychotic vibes with his underhanded motivations, slippery silver tongued bastard that he is, but even his role as the trickster doesn’t get its due in the end.

Stinger, Caine’s former commanding officer who is now an Aegis Marshal, is also written slightly deeper than even the Abrasax siblings. He took the fall for Caine’s misstep in the military, so he also lost his wings and was disgraced for it. Despite this, he is willing to help Caine and Jupiter throughout the story, and though begrudged he seems genuinely good at heart. Stinger’s point of interest however comes from his traits as a Splice between human and bee DNA. Yes, this leads to a funny line of dialogue, but there are some great examples of show-don’t-tell with Stinger, in that having bee instincts he seems superhumanly able to anticipate motion and react to it ridiculously quickly compared to most people. This ability gives him an edge in everything from fistfights to navigating massive fields of hunter-killer mines. This is hardly important to the plot, but I thought it was cool since it’s never stated outright, just displayed through his actions. Another example of a great idea that’s mostly left adrift.

Jupiter herself starts out as a typical protagonist for a Hero’s Journey. She’s a Jewish Russian immigrant who leads an unglamorous life cleaning bathrooms and tidying fancy homes for her family’s housekeeping service, apparently has bad luck with romance, and hardly ever has time to really do anything she enjoys. Typically, once these elements are presented, there will also be a revelation of something more intimate about the protagonist, her dreams and ambitions, something she longs to one day achieve, her hobbies or personality, perhaps a personal drawback or fear she wishes to overcome. But the most we get about Jupiter is that she wants to buy back a telescope which was once stolen from her astronomer father by the same thieves who murdered him (which we see early in the movie in an awkwardly directed scene). It’s not made clear if Jupiter herself has a genuine interest in astronomy, nor even what any of her interests happen to be.

This becomes a recurring problem throughout the film. Since no real internal conflict or personality of any kind is established for Jupiter, she isn’t led through any personal journey or self-exploration, nor anything which allows her to grow or evolve as the narrative opens up and accelerates. She’s basically just along for the ride, one of those wrong place wrong time sort of things. Her journey is entirely surface level, external forces dragging her around the stars without her having any real say in the matter nor agency of her own. She as very little idea of what she wants or who she is, from what we can tell, because we have no idea of those things either. Mila Kunis does a fine job with the material she’s given, but the material just isn’t much to run with, and if there is a drawback to her performance as an actress I promise in this case the fault is not with her.

The terrible lack of characterization hurts everything in the movie from its ethical conceits, plot momentum, all the way up to the romance subplot which only feels forced and lacking chemistry because the two leads aren’t properly written. They could have had chemistry, but its difficult for archetypes to interact without endowing them with personality. It’s a fundamental flaw from which all other flaws of the film stem because the personality, the character of the protagonist in this type of story is a fundamental element from which many other elements of the story stem.

Even towards the end, when Jupiter is forced into dangerous heroics and aggressive bravery it doesn’t feel like much of anything because for all we know she was brave all along, or maybe she wasn’t. We’re never given the chance to find out. Her larger moment of heroism comes not in a violent action of conquering the badguy (though she does beat him with a pipe later... in self-defense of course), but in refusing to compromise to Balem’s ultimatum, either resign her ownership of Earth or allow Balem to murder her family. It’s interesting to note that instead of rocking up and blowing his head off with a blaster, she just tells him to get fucked, which is a cool idea, non-violent protagonists are few and far between. Though the climax would have been far more satisfying had we gotten to know Jupiter much better before she gets to this point. Ultimately, the lack of strong characters make the progression of the movie feel awkward, and the denouement seems to come out of nowhere. It’s really too bad, since many facets of this film’s setup seemed to bear promise, and it’s more tragic than infuriating, leaving an audience with a countenance more in sorrow than in anger.

Like Jupiter herself, thematic elements are also only half-explored. The idea that genetics have advanced to such a point that life-regeneration has become a reality within this star-spanning civilization (albeit a reality exclusively available to the filthy, insanely wealthy) is an interesting idea, and there’s a lot of potential for the ethical quandaries related to that sort of technology, and what makes it possible. Yet little of this is given attention beyond the horror of Jupiter discovering the Abrasax family regularly kills billions of people for longevity and profit. Is their life-extending operation the only one out there? Or is it an industry? Are there black market dealers who develop and trade their own youth serum off the books? It’s all kind of muddy and little of it is given any explanation or nuance.

As we’ve established, Campbell’s hero’s journey isn’t the only way to go about a sci-fi story, but in Jupiter Ascending it’s like half-started without any of the follow-through, and the characters which should be the heart of the story are greatly lacking any depth. The film’s been compared to a Disney-style princess story, and even references Cinderella at one point, though it does seem to be aiming higher than this. Yet, the lackluster character writing and flat dialogue all make the story somewhat impotent, whatever its aim, leaving the movie looking like a majestically beautiful gild-feathered eagle, which just happens to be blind. Fun to look at, but has absolutely no idea where it’s going. I can’t articulate enough what a shame this all is, since there really are some cool ideas and sci-fi content here. I truly wish, as a sci-fi enthusiast, that Jupiter was truly able to ascend.

I’d recommend it as a fun romp through an intriguing galaxy, but it’s more useful as an example of how to get everything right with a movie, everything other than the thing that really holds it all together: a well-written protagonist. Still, I’m no intersectionalist, but it’s nice to see the girl get the guy at the end of the story, the way guy protagonists get to get the girl at the end of all their stories. That was a pleasant feeling, even if it wasn’t quite earned with everything come before it. Plus, you know; lizardmen, and jet-bikes. The Wachowskis are generally great at what they do though, just maybe have a tough time channeling it. Here’s hoping they can get back to us with something truly badass in future because the level of commitment to the craft seen in this movie is extraordinary, even if the reach exceeds the grasp in this particular case. 

                     侍    headless                                     

[hamliet]

Disney Princesses as Strong Women: Cinderella’s Courage and Compassion

Ah, time for one of my favorite princesses and perhaps the most common target of, for lack of a better term, haters. As a film, Cinderella is a surprisingly realistic portrayal of abuse and how abuse survivors cope, as well as an optimistic fairytale.

As a disclaimer, there is room for legitimate criticism of Cinderella and this is not going to invalidate any valid criticism of her film, but rather offer a different perspective on her film and specifically on Cinderella as a character. 

Cinderella is too girlish! Cinderella waits for a man to save her! Or so the criticisms go. As for the latter, that’s blatantly not true according to the story, and as for the former, well... I’ll quote part of what I said in my Snow White analysis here, adapted for Cinderella:

If you... devalue her based on the strong presence of her traditionally feminine traits while ignoring her very real and very present strength[s], perhaps you should be reexamining your own sexism.

As for Cinderella herself, her defining traits are not that she cooks and cleans--she sings as she does so, but she also doesn’t voluntarily do any of it, unlike Snow White. She does however do almost everything out of compassion both for others and for herself. Why compassion is seen as a feminine trait is honestly another discussion all together and it’s disturbing that this does appear to be a common assumption. Compassion is good. The answer isn’t to not emphasize  compassion in a female character (who, by nature of existing in a fairy tale for children, is going to be a relatively simple character), but rather emphasize it for male characters as well. Cinderella (1950) does also play with gender roles several times, notably with Lady Tremaine (the wicked stepmother) and with the Grand Duke. 

This film goes out of its way to highlight Cinderella’s compassion as the trait that is most beautiful about her, though it’s certainly a valid criticism that the stepsisters are noted to be “awkward” (the film never uses the word “ugly”) and Lady Tremaine is noted to be jealous of Cinderella’s beauty--but also her charm, aka her personality. 

It’s noted that Cinderella’s father married Lady Tremaine only because he felt his daughter “needed a mother’s care.” In other words, the man’s own insecurity and belief that he wasn’t enough led to him marrying the woman who would later abuse Cinderella. In other words, because he didn’t think he could be enough of a feminine influence on her, she wound up being abused. Damn you sensitive masculinity. 

But it’s also notable that the father is noted to love his child very much, and that compassion is clearly very important to Cinderella’s journey. Under her father’s care, the chateau she grows up in is noted to be beautiful, but once he dies Lady Tremaine “squanders” the fortune on her daughter’s “vain and selfish” interests, letting the chateau fall into disrepair. The chateau can be seen as symbolic of Cinderella herself in some ways, but also of Lady Tremaine--the more energy and time she spends on her selfish jealousy, the more she doesn’t realize that her inner beauty is falling into disrepair.

Cinderella’s got a backbone. The girl is not a pushover even when she’s being ordered around. Starting from her very first proper scene, wherein she teases the birds for waking her up and tries to stay asleep. But she can’t, because she’s got to face the world, which is not as kind to her. She grouses at the clock, complaining that “even he orders me around." When Anastasia and Drizella accuse her of deliberately putting a mouse in her cup, she starts the conversation with her stepmother with “oh please, you don’t think that I--” She tells them “I’m still a member of the family.” She is smart. She is polite to her abusers, yes (often, unfortunately, that’s realistic and a survival strategy) and even kind to Lucifer, the privileged fat cat (and the best character). And yet Cinderella doesn’t take Lucifer’s bullshit, sarcastically telling him “I’m sorry if Your Highness objects to an early breakfast.” She has spunk.

However, Cinderella is also naive and prone to losing herself in dreams. Dreams are coded as positive in Cinderella, but also as something that doesn’t suffice as a long-term solution. Instead, dreams are tools that help you escape. For example, the Fairy Godmother’s illusion is basically a waking dream that enables her to reach her escape. But the Fairy Godmother also warns her the dream comes with a time limit, and she needs to pay heed to it (and almost doesn’t): “But like all dreams, it can’t last forever.” The next morning, Cinderella again loses herself to her daydreams, humming and singing and so lost in her dreams that she doesn’t hear her animal friends trying to warn her that Lady Tremaine is about to lock her in the tower. Which she does. 

Yet without dreams, Cinderella could not have survived the years leading up to her dream becoming a reality for a few hours. As she directly states, while Lady Tremaine can take almost everything from her, no one can order her to stop dreaming. While Cinderella is trapped in an abusive situation, she desperately wants to leave, and she believes she will escape some day. A dream, for Cinderella, is escapism, because she can at least be free from something the film itself directly calls “abuse” and “humiliation.” Dreams are not silly; speaking as an abuse survivor myself, sometimes that’s all you have. In her song “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” she sings: 

In dreams you will lose your heartache 

Whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

The dream that you wish will come true.

Is it simplified? Sure. But that’s a beautiful message to give kids suffering. And given the dual coding of dreams as being something you cannot lose yourself in either, it gives a practical message of acting on your dreams as well. 

Cinderella’s compassion is primarily shown through her treatment of the pesky animals, the ones that disgust her stepsisters (like mostly mice, but also birds and Bruno, the dog whom Cinderella warns the stepmother wants to kick out).  But she encourages the mice to be smart and Bruno to learn to like cats (aka Lucifer) if only for practical reasons (because they’ll throw him out otherwise). I think this reveals a good deal of Cinderella’s mindset: that she does what they want her to do because she wants to survive. She wants a warm bed and food, and running away all on her own would ensure she’d lose that. Abuse victims do genuinely weigh their options like this, and choosing to stay (especially as a dependent, like Cinderella is) is not something that should be condemned. 

The moment Cinderella hears that a mouse (GusGus) is in the rat trap, she stops what she’s doing and rushes down the stairs. In other words, while she can’t yet escape, she’ll be damned if she’ll let someone else suffer abuse in a trap they can’t leave. Not only that, but GusGus is terrified and Cinderella notes as such, and asks for someone who better understands (Jack) to talk to him, and even though GusGus is aggressive at first, Jack’s insistence that they like him and Cinderella likes him coaxes him out of the cage. In other words, compassion and kindness enable him to make a courageous choice and leave the cage. 

GusGus is the opposite of Cinderella in some ways: he directly wants to challenge Lucifer until Jack begs him not to. He wants to fight, but practically speaking, it’s just stupid for a mouse to go up against a cat, and Cinderella too lacks the means to go up against her stepfamily. It’s a realistic portray of abuse. GusGus also repeatedly makes naive choices, but in contrast to Cinderella, he tends to be more active (taking risks that aren’t exactly the wisest). For example he gets attacked by the more powerful chickens in a quest for food and they steal his food (it’s foreshadowing to the later scene where the stepsisters will tear Cinderella’s dress from her), but Cinderella intervenes and she gives a downtrodden mouse some food.

Like Snow White, Cinderella’s kindness is rewarded, in that the mice and birds are genuine friends to her (it’s a kids movie don’t take it too literally). They help her make her bed, shower, etc. in the morning, and they then make her dress for her when she doesn’t have time to do it herself. And again, there is a realistic portrayal of abuse in that the stepmother dangles a false hope/dream in front of Cinderella: finish all your chores and get something nice to wear, and you can come--but she fully intends to never let Cinderella come by giving her extra chores. 

Despite being a fairytale, in Cinderella, compassion is not always rewarded by things working out. The stepsisters are not just jealous of Cinderella’s looks and her own compassion, but the compassion given to her. They don’t want the beads or the sash, but Lady Tremaine manipulates them into tearing them from Cinderella. Again, it’s realistic to abuse, because parents will often mobilize and manipulate other children to target one. 

This is Cinderella’s nadir, in which she sobs, “It’s no use. No use at all. I can’t believe. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to believe in. Nothing,” That’s pretty dark for a kid’s movie, but honestly... don’t we all know that feeling? I certainly do. Cinderella’s arc is about learning to be courageous and take steps in that courage, and this is the moment all of it deserts her, because the one thing she has that connects her to others--compassion--appears to have all been for naught.

What gives Cinderella the push of courage she needs to leave the chateau? The compassion of the fairy godmother. And the fairy godmother makes the ordinary things, the despised things like mice and Bruno (an old dog at risk of being thrown out) into magical things, again reinforcing the theme that the ordinary can be extraordinary, and that the real magic is in the compassion and love she shares with her friends (who are animals because it’s a kid’s fantasy movie). In the end, though the dress they made for her was destroyed, she still couldn’t get to the ball without her friends. 

So Cinderella is off to the ball, and that’s when she will meet the prince--who is having to deal with his own issues. The Grand Duke is not nearly so abusively coded as Lady Tremaine, but he is kind of unreasonable and threatening towards his vizier. He also plays with gender roles in that he is the father begging his son to marry and make babies because he wants to hear the little feet of his grandchild. He literally dreams about it, and again shows the potential danger of becoming too attached to dreams in that he’s not very nice and is pretty controlling in his wishes to make dreams happen (aka, there’s not a ton of compassion). That being said he’s coded comically and does want his son to genuinely fall in love. Also of note: usually the nagging parent desperate for grandkids in fiction is a mother, not a father. 

At the ball, the Prince’s sees Cinderella wandering around, lost and out of place, and goes to comfort her. His compassion leads him to her. 

They sing a song together, and, well, to quote this amazing article about Snow White: 

they share a song together, which is Disney/musical theatre code switching for “romantic/sexual love.”  Generally speaking, the big waltz that Disney’s romantic duos share at the end of the movie is their act of sexual consummation—sex without sex on Disney terms

Again, it is not sexual. It just conveys the same emotional meaning for the characters as sex would in a romcom. It’s a fairytale for kids so of course they fell in love in a few hours--that isn’t meant to be a recipe for real life love advice. She also doesn’t know he is the prince and says as much when she leaves, telling him “I haven’t even met the prince yet!” as an excuse to run. In other words, contrary to the common narrative that she went out looking for a man to save her, she did not. She went out looking to have a good time and happened to find a man. 

The song they sing is “So This is Love” and includes the lyrics “My heart has wings/and I can fly.” Because Cinderella--she’s free now. And throughout the rest of the film, she is free. The guards try to stop her as she flees under the time restriction but she makes it through the palace’s gates. No one and nothing--not the royal guards, not the chateau she grew up in, not the cruelty of her stepmother and stepsisters--can hold her back now. Even though she does go back to the chateau as many abuse victims do, her compassion has enabled her to make connections that will have set her free, and she will run to physical freedom soon enough. 

Her stepmother realizes it too: once Cinderella hears the man she was dancing with was the prince, she drops the trays (symbolic of her servanthood, as she’s repeatedly shown carrying those trays) in shock, and as Anastasia and Drizella threw clothes and orders at her to help them get dress, she dreamily shoves them back into their arms and goes to get dressed herself instead. 

When the stepmother locks her in the room, it’s the mice who face off with Lucifer, but this time not for mere food, but for their friend, and they free her. The mice dive straight into the teacups to get the key from Lady Tremaine, which is also a callback to an earlier scene in which GusGus was trapped in a teacup to hide from Lucifer.

The man is also about to give up and is distraught when Cinderella is finally freed but Lady Tremaine smashes the slipper. But Cinderella pulls out another slipper, again showing herself capable of helping other people scared of people in power over them. Her compassion saves her, and saves others around her. When Cinderella gets married the mice and old horse and Bruno, who all played a role in freeing her from Lady Tremaine and also escorted her to the ball, are celebrating with her. Because Cinderella’s story is meant to give hope to the people in her story, and to the audience. 

A dream cannot save you, but it can give you a chance to escape by giving you the hope you need. Compassion and courage is what will save you. I think that’s a beautiful message within Cinderella. 

Thanks for reading! Up next, Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty--which was one of my favorite movies as a kid. For previous entries in this series, see here:

Snow White’s Self-Esteem

[artist-in-space]

Most movies are being remade to appeal to the grown generation that watched them and to grow their audience with new graphics. As for Disney, it's more of a marketing tactic to double down/renew their copyright on their films while making money. Everyone seems to like the new graphics anyway, so they'll keep pushing it out til that's dried up.

Yeah, it's pretty obvious. I'm more on the other side of the fence here- I grew up with 2000+ Disney, so Pixar and the Disney Renaissance were my jam. But... even if that's the case, I really, really don't like how Disney's becoming.I noticed it with the Cinderella reboot. I won't count Alice In Wonderland because WOW that was so far from the original, but also, it's not a fave lmao. The Cinderella reboot gave me something of a foreboding feeling. Then year after year the reboots came. Christopher Robin was nice, the first 3/4 of the film, it even made me tear up. Then the last 1/4 was happening and then it's just corny stuff. But it ain't bad.But Beauty and the Beast? I liked that movie. The live action? Oh no. Disney animation is kicking it up a notch with their 3D animation, but I really hoped they'd still make 2D animation still. Like, Hunchback of Notre Dame type of animation, because there are things that 3D can't create and live action can't do it. 2D, I'm still WISHING they'd go back. Pixar man, now those were.... oof.Pixar was really the blast of originality when they were manning the ship. Wall-E and Up? Finding Nemo? Those are great. (Cars tried lmao). But when the sequels... came out. Oh man. I wanted to love Finding Dory (I didn't. It retconned a lot of stuff imo lmao) and sure, I liked Incredibles 2. Then Toy Story 4 trailer came out and I felt betrayed.Toy Story 3 was the bEST ending! That was a perfect trilogy! Now if they somehow create an amazing fourth sequel, well, then a good quadruple then. I want to support Disney, but gosh. They're---- they're not making it easy. As for other movies.... lmao I'm not even THAT much of a fan of Jurassic Park, but the latest Jurassic was... look, I like Chris Pratt but oof, nope. The Godzilla remakes? Well the graphics were good, the everything else was not. OH and my personal favorite, King Kong--- that Island stuff. It's got the recipe of a good disaster happening. King Kong not being the center of attention, weird casting, hey Tom is there, Samuel L Jackson is everywhere---Ah this was a rant. Sorry about that. But it drives me up to a wall as a movie fan to see this happening. But hey, Crazy Rich Asians had happened, which was amazing, so I think if people in Hollywood actually spent TIME to follow the books they adapt, they'd be amazing.

[metalandmagi]

August Media Madness

Well, August may have sucked for me personally, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t keep track of all the media I consumed this month! And spoiler alert, I watched a lot of movies involving adorable talking bears. Although, I have a feeling that as soon as the fall television premieres start, I’ll be watching a lot less movies.

July’s media

Movies!

Dear Evan Hansen

Thank you bootlegs. This isn’t a movie, but I didn’t want to make a separate category for plays when I’ve only seen one this month. Anyway, if you haven’t heard of it, Dear Evan Hansen involves an incredibly anxious teenage boy who is tasked by his therapist to write motivational letters to himself. Unfortunately, Connor Murphy, an angsty boy who goes to Evan’s school sees one of the letters, takes it, and promptly decides to kill himself, with the letter still on his person. Everyone ends up thinking he and Evan were friends and that this letter was a suicide note that Connor wrote to Evan...and a beautiful fake gay relationship friendship was born. Call me basic as hell, but I’ve watched this show twice now, and listened to the soundtrack more times than I can count, and it’s turning into my favorite musical. There are so many important messages in it, and it takes you on a roller coaster of emotions. Every character does good and bad things, and no one is blameless or innocent...except maybe Zoe Murphy. If anything just listen to the soundtrack. 10/10

Night on the Galactic Railroad

Cats...on a mystical train...This seems like the kind of movie they would show you in film school. Very dull plot and characters with the themes being the main takeaway. What even is the plot of this movie? Darker, grittier, furry version of the Polar Express? Incredibly boring slightly more religious version of Over the Garden Wall? I just kept watching it because the main character looks like a cat version of Kagayama Tobio in middle school...cat-gayama. 4/10

Paddington

An adorable bear from South America travels to London and gets into all sorts of trouble with an English family. It’s very charming and sweet, and the aesthetic in this movie is on point, like Wes Anderson directed a children’s movie. This is one of those movies you hear about where everyone loves it, and you think it can’t possibly be that good, but then you watch it and you were wrong! So wrong! 10/10

Paddington 2

Naturally. This time an adorable South American bear goes to prison, and his family tries to clear his name. Again, A+ aesthetic and imagery, but I think I preferred the plot of the first movie a little more because everyone was all together. 9/10

Christopher Robin

Do you like Winnie the Pooh? Do you like jaded adults finding happiness in their lives again? Do you think the movie Hook had a good premise but was extremely long and kinda boring and could have been a better movie with a little tweaking? Well this is the movie for you! Christopher Robin has grown into an overworked adult, and his old friend Winnie the Pooh inadvertently helps him reconnect with his wife and daughter (and also his inner child) just by being the sweet, clumsy, dry humored bear we all know and love. I was so skeptical of this movie at first, and I was absolutely blown away by how funny and meaningful it was. 100/10

The Road to El Dorado

Two lovable Spanish con men named Miguel and Tulio are accidentally swept away on a journey to the fabled city of El Dorado, where everything is made of gold. Once they reach the city, the locals believe they’re gods due to an (un)fortunate series of coincidences, and the con men try to keep up the charade with the help of the best character in the movie, Chel (who I’m pretty sure caused an entire generation of lesbians’ sexual awakening). This is one of my favorite animated movies of all time and one of the reasons I wish Dreamworks would go back to their 2D animation days, where the visuals and music were just as stunning as 3D movies are now. This movie is a classic, and I desperately want a sequel! 10/10

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

When Lara Jean thinks it’s a good idea to write 5 secret love letters to 5 boys that she’s had crushes on over the years, everything is fine until her little sister mails the letters to all the boys (because even a 6th grader knows Lara Jean is lonely and emotionally stunted as fuck). This is a Netflix original movie that was adapted from the book by Jenny Han...which I haven’t read, but now I really want to. Overall, this was super cute, but I wasn’t really crazy about the boys. They weren’t horrible people or anything, and they never pressured Lara Jean or made fun of her for being “innocent”, but they were just kind of bland. I’m much more interested in the other boys we didn’t see in the movie! But the family relationships were so heartfelt, Lara Jean’s fashion sense is AMAZING, and the acting/casting was awesome. 8/10

Summer Wars

I...don’t even know how to describe the plot of this one. A teenage boy named Kenji goes on a country holiday and pretends to date an acquaintance of his in order to impress her enormous family...but it’s really about an AI that becomes sentient and wants to mess up the world through this universal internet program called OZ that’s kind of like a mashup of Facebook and Second Life...but actually no it’s about family sticking together and using a Japanese card game to save the world…but apparently it’s got the same plot as the Digimon movie because they’re both directed by Mamoru Hosoda. Yeah...

Guys, I have a confession to make...this has always been my favorite Mamoru Hosoda movie. Everyone falls all over themselves saying Wolf Children is the best Mamoru Hosoda movie, and that’s great for them but it doesn’t even come in second for me. Summer Wars means a lot more to me personally because I come from a big extended family, and when I first saw this movie, I was blown away by how accurate the family dynamic was. There are so many characters, but everyone has their own personality. Not to mention the music makes the summer atmosphere so on point. And I’m not going to lie...I bawled like a fucking baby the first time I saw this movie. So anyway, I like Summer Wars more than Wolf Children, thanks for coming to my TED talk. 10/10

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Unappreciated researcher Milo Thatch goes on an expedition to find the lost city of Atlantis.

Okay, there are two kinds of Disney fans in this world: Treasure Planet fans, and Atlantis fans. And I will support Treasure Planet as the best underrated vaguely steampunk inspired Disney movie until you can pry my 15 year old dvd copy away from my cold dead hands. But Atlantis is pretty good too. I could write essays comparing the two and why both of them should be successful but weren’t. My main problem with it is that the characters are great, but I feel like we don’t see enough of them, and as a kid a lot of the humor went by so fast that I completely missed it. Also the glowing eyes and spirits taking over the Atlantian princess’s body freaked me the fuck out as a child. NEVERTHELESS! This really is a great movie, with extremely well developed lore and well designed characters that chills me to this day. 8/10

Deadpool 2

The merc with a mouth is back, and man there’s so much going on in this movie I won’t even try to explain the plot. I literally had to go back and add this in because I was so into this movie when I was watching it that I forgot to write it down! Even though I really liked this sequel, I think I liked the first one better, just based on how much I laughed. There was so much going on plot wise, but it really seemed to work for this movie. There were also a lot of great new characters (Domino is my favorite character of the franchise now), but since there was so much stuff going on, a lot of jokes and plot lines were sort of hit and miss. Anyway, I’m sure everyone’s seen this one by now but just in case, I highly recommend it. 9/10

Books!

The Adventure Zone Graphic Novel: Here There be Gerblins by Clint McElroy (technically all the McElboys) and Carey Pietsch

Yeah yeah, for anyone who doesn’t know I’m Adventure Zone trash okay. TAZ is a DnD podcast where 3 brothers and their father create one of the most famous campaigns in history involving three idiot adventurers going on a quest to find a missing person and getting sucked into a much larger grand plan to protect the world. This graphic novel is a visualization of the first arc. I don’t even really like Here There be Gerblins all that much, and yet here I am. Oh well, the art was amazing, and of course I already knew the story. But it was kind of hilarious to see the name changes they had to make to some of the characters and places. I was a little disappointed that the ending was so rushed, and we don’t really spend time around the moon base before The Director is in our face changing the Lunar Interlude parts but whatever. 10 dead gerblins/10

The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken

When a disease that only affects children kills off nearly all the kids on the planet, the survivors are left with supernatural powers and are taken away to concentration camps in order to “protect” the public. I’ve been wanting to read this for a long time, and since the movie just came out I thought it was the perfect time. This is one of those books that some people adore and some people hate. I thought it was just okay. For everything that I didn’t like, there was something to make up for it. Personally, I felt that Bracken focused on the wrong part of the story. Everything takes place years after this disease has come, and I think it would have been more interesting to see everything from the children’s points of view when this disease was first starting. I would focus on each different character as a child and how they wound up in their respective camps. Oh well, there’s way too many pros and cons  that I could delve into, but you like the YA dystopian genre then I say go for it. I didn’t like it enough to read the other two books (not yet anyway). 7/10

TV Shows!

Camp Camp

You know how there are summer camps that specialize in science, or acting, or space, or whatever? Yeah Camp Camp is about a summer camp that throws literally everything you can think of into one summer camp. If you don’t believe me, just listen to the theme song. Seriously though this is one of the best shows I’ve watched all year, but boy howdy this is not one for young children. It’s like Gravity Falls and Rick and Morty had a baby! Anyway, the characters are both surprising and hilarious. David the camp counselor (voiced by Miles Luna) is genuinely likable when you think he’d be the most annoying person on the planet, and the kids are so accurate it’s scary. Also Yuri Lowenthal is in it. And Griffin McElroy has a recurring role where he plays A GHOST! I’ve never been into Rooster Teeth stuff, but they have a winner with this one. 10/10

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

After her husband leaves her, Midge Maisel gets super drunk, goes on stage, and gives a hilarious rant about her relationship at a small comedy/talent club and somehow gets sucked into becoming a rising comedian as a woman in the 1950s. It’s good. Great acting pretty funny, but Midge and her agent/manager Susie are the only likable characters. Everyone else just kind of...sucks 8/10

Voltron Season 7 (spoilers)

Okay, I know everyone had mixed feelings about this season, but I did come out liking a lot of it. It had a lot of flaws (I really thought it would be Shiro’s season, and man was I wrong), but this is the sort of thing we can’t really judge until the last episode of the series is finished. I like to think of the positives: the action was amazing as usual, HUNK IS GETTING MORE AND MORE DEVELOPMENT EVERY SEASON, I refuse to believe the team introduced Adam just to have him killed off immediately so he’s still alive in my mind, we get to see everyone’s reunions with their families, the lost in space episode was cool, and say what you want about the game show episode, but I loved it! There were a lot of good things so it was easier for me to look past the...not so great aspects of the season. 7/10

Galavant

A musical comedy mini series involving a renowned medieval hero named Galavant on a quest to rescue his ex girlfriend from her “evil” husband King Richard. But maybe she doesn’t want to be rescued. Well, that’s just the first season. It’s best to go in knowing as little as possible. I remember liking it when it first came out, and it’s still pretty cute...but sometimes I feel like it’s trying too hard. A lot of the music isn’t really...memorable, but the characters are likable so it’s still worth the watch. 8/10

Disenchantment

Speaking of medieval comedies...Princess Bean doesn’t want to get married, mystical elf Elfo doesn’t want to live in an enchanted forest where everyone is happy all the time, and Bean’s personal demon Luci just wants to watch people suffer. Honestly, I wasn’t very into this show at first, but something compelled me to just keep watching, and by the end I was totally into it! This is one of those shows where you think there isn’t going to be a plot, but then the last few episodes come up and smack you in the face! 7.5/10

Round Planet

A documentary parody...mockumentary...satire...That’s really not a great way to describe it. It’s a nature documentary with funny commentary. I like nature shots and animals so I liked it, but there’s a lot of tangents and running jokes and British references that sometimes don’t land. Oh well, if you like unconventional documentaries, just watch it. 8/10

Honorable Mentions

DnDnD: I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this podcast before, but there’s a DnD podcast made by Practical Folks (aka the Drunk Disney youtube channel). It’s pretty good! I want an Adventure Zone crossover now!

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: Every time I think I’m out, it pulls me back in. I finally got the DLC and spent most of this month playing this freaking game AGAIN!

The Heathers soundtrack: I finally listened to the Heathers musical soundtrack...and I didn’t love it. There are some good songs in it, but overall I’m unimpressed. And I never could really get into the plot, I’ve always thought it was really weird and over dramatic.

Legendary by Stephanie Garber: I’m about halfway through this book, which is the second in the Caraval series. And it’s pretty good! More on that next month.