#OH and I forgot to mention they all get snowed in? so they’re all trapped with a murderer

[reindeersweaters]

MA’AM!! AGATHA CHRISTIE AU??? plz tell me moree 💕💕💕

@loonysama @annaofthenorthernlights @justfrozenthings @true—north

Sorry for taking a billion years to respond to these (work has been insane) but clearly this is was the popular choice for me from the tag game the other week!

So! I will copy and paste the WHOLE document below and give the people what they want!!

Agatha Christie AU

Three Blind Mice story

Molly = Anna

Giles = Kristoff

Christopher Wren = Hans

Anna and Kristoff have just begun running their boarding house as newly weds and Hans is one of their first guests. Not quite sure who the other cast would be? Police officer would be Olaf maybe? Wessleton as one of the guests that gets murdered? Or maybe Gerda or Kai? All I know is there’s huge amounts of tension, both sexual and the suspense of who the murderer might be.

Definitely much darker and more sinister than anything I’ve ever written before.

[jupitermelichios]

On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the ���peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

[bestworstcase]

Omg I’ve been busy all day but I finally got to relax and read chapter 5 which was an interesting in depth look into the characters aside from all the fantastic world building I’ve throughly enjoyed. (It’s a personal favorite of mine in any media tbh) A little rant on what I’ve loved so far - The body gore is so well detailed and I’m a SUCKER for that shit. The amount of raw gay and badass energy put into Caine is everything and I’m really excited to see how her arc plays out. Especially with all the underlying details of how the murder seems to kinda have affected everyone. I’m also really invested in this Sirin person and their role in this story. Really loved your writing of Varian and his estranged relationship with his father. It allowed you to get into the head of how he feels and his chosen actions due to his father’s poor treatment of trust. I love the relationship between Feldspar and Cass! Especially how you chose to make him Saporian as a foundation of their relationship. The way Cassandra acts to becoming Rapunzel’s lady-in-waiting is valid and almost reminds me of the way she acted in lost lagoon. Rapunzel mirroring some manipulation tactics or otherwise bad toxic habits from Gothel was FANTASTIC and something I really wanted to see expanded on in the show but this was great! And I really love the way you established Cassandra & Rapunzel’s meeting! The class division already evident of the two with Cassandra seeing this assignment as purely her job and task to finally prove herself to her dad but Rapunzel taking the relationship as more of a companionship than anything else, Rapunzel asking if she can call her Cass instead of Cassandra asking her to really pushes the fact she already took this simple act of power away from Cass and really sets in place the power dynamic between the two, and Cassandra setting her boundaries of not wanting to expand on her personal life and her clear discomfort of the consistent hugging and invasion of personal space but allowing the princess to cross them because she’s the “princess” was a perfect cherry on top to how Rapunzel already has this power over Cassandra she doesn’t realize is there. Oh and the way you described how Rapunzel felt in this new life of handed responsibility/power over her newfound subjects and lack of leisure time was perfect. Also I was wondering if the King has truly accepted or pardoned Eugene on his crimes, or did he simply say he pardons Eugene to appease his wife but still needs time adjusting to the fact his returned daughter has a retired but infamous thief as a boyfriend? And on a last note I loved seeing some real bonding between Cass and Raps when they rode together on the beach and how it’s already building on Cass’s feelings towards the princess and wanting this act to be “their” thing not in the company of Eugene. It reminds me of the early days in the show when Cassandra would sneak just the two of them out to experience the world together, it was nice and a sweet touch to their relationship

ksdfjkjskd HELLO

i have to confess i had a moment of. you’re on chapter 5 what gore? and then i remembered

oh 

the prologue

gjksdjklf

caine’s arc in benighted is just BEING GAY and DOING CRIMES, because auntie neasa raised her right and it’s what she deserves. and also i’m not a coward, DISNEY.

i am glad you like sirin. i remember while i was writing the first, like, 13 chapters of benighted i was just constantly tearing my hair out over how to set her character up so 14 and 15 and like all of the third act would land right

the funny thing about feldspar is my hc that he is saporian predates the episode in s3 that reveals he is fluent in saporian which made lost treasure pretty wild because like. out of all the headcanons to get some textual validation for why was it THAT ONE LMAO. anyway i love one (1) cobbler

rapunzel is conceptually so interesting to me because on the one hand she’s been trained all her life to appease her abuser so she has all these people-pleasing habits but then at the same time her only frame of reference for what ‘normal’ is for eighteen years was gothel so like of course she’d have all these habits and behaviors that she picked up from gothel subconsciously and just doesn’t... have the experience to identify as abnormal? and then she’s immediately shoved into a situation where everyone in her life caters to her desires because she is the princess vfjsdfbsf and then there’s cassandra who is so so conscious of the class divide and the power dynamics at play and how precarious her own position in herzingen is but also really has no recourse beyond increasingly desperate variations on “respect my boundaries please.” these poor kids 

i will say i think bitter snow is a lot softer on fred than a lot of tts fanfic because. well various reasons but the big ones are 1. while fred himself is of course very fallible and responsible for quite a lot of the messes corona is in he is also just one person, the monarchal system that gives him absolute power and surrounds him with people who will carry out all his orders virtually without question is the bigger problem and im interested in unpacking that, and 2. notwithstanding the really egregious and sort of silly decision to literally like imprison rapunzel in her tower, a lot of the overprotective/controlling things fred does in s1 are, like - they’re framed as very bad and irrational and impinging upon rapunzel’s freedom and of course she naturally feels very stifled by them but - realistically speaking yeah of course the princess needs a protection detail and her wandering around the city by herself when theres like a terrorist organization actively plotting a violent coup is a massive security risk vbsdjfk so for benighted i think fred is doing his best to keep rapunzel safe from legitimate threats without stifling her and the conflict comes more from her not really being able to understand that there are legitimate threats + she has all this trauma connected to being trapped inside. anyway this was a bit of a digression but i think fred pardoned eugene for realsies no questions asked as soon as sir peter was like yeah this time it’s really her. he just. i think half assumed that this would be obvious (yeah of course he’s not going to execute his daughter’s rescuer?) and half just plain forgot to mention it because he was caught up in the feelings of meeting her jkfskjf

i’m really very fond of the horse scenes i refuse to write anthropomorphic horses so this is really the only time in benighted that the horses get a real spotlight but. i love them

[mmm-veggies]

chapter 1. Hope

Warning- slight violence, death but not described, mentions of past abuse (if there's anything else let me know)

The sounds of panting and sticks breaking mix together as I run through the woods trying to get away. Mom?! Please please don't do this. You don't have to do this. We can figure out a way, voices and screams overlapping as I try and get the memories out of my head. I have to stop thinking about stuff. I can't change what happened. The only thing to do now is move forward, I say to myself, oh who am I kidding like that's going to make me feel better. Every breath I take has a burning sting in my lungs. Looking over my shoulder to see if I'm far enough away from them.  Frantically looking for something to hide behind when an old, tall and wide tree catches my eye. Wait, I've never seen these trees. The tree could've easily hid 3 large men behind it. Oh no, my face goes numb as I realize that I'm hopelessly lost. Putting my hands to my face to cry in my frustration. God how am I supposed to get away when I don't even know where I am. I sigh into my hands and whisper, "I'm gonna die." 

Snap

My stomach drops as I hear a branch snap. Slowly picking my head up trying not to raise too much suspicion, what was that. Cautiously looking at my surroundings, I can't see anyone. Slowly creeping around the tree.

Snap

There it is again, someone has to be here. I stopped walking around the tree and started searching for the person cloaked in the darkness. That's when I start to feel someone's hand slowly come from behind and quickly cover my mouth. They thrash me up against the tree, their hand still over my mouth. The other is close to my waist, trapping me in.

"When I take my hand off you don't scream, got it," they say darkly, their voice low and raspy, with some feminine touches to it. I Look up to see a hooded figure, their face hidden perfectly in the shadows. They are at least a head taller than me, and more lanky looking. The cloak they are wearing is a charcoal color that completely engulfs them, with sleek black pants to match, and a white poet's blouse. Slowly they moved their hand off my mouth; They looked  me dead in the eyes, making sure I didn't try anything. As I raise my hands above my head to show mercy they start to rest their hand on my throat, most likely a warning to make sure I stay compliant.  i 

"Now who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Listen I'm not trying to start anything, I'm just trying to get away from some people alright," I state lightly; trying to persuade them so I can get out of this predicament. 

"Ahh so you are running away from them," they say with a smooth voice.

"Yes, and I need to get going now", As the words pour out of my mouth I cringe at my failed attempt at sounding confident. 

Smugly, they tilt their head to the side like they were planning their next move, "hm why should I, there might be some money on your pretty little head," smirking as i suddenly tense up, "or maybe," they give a feral smile and reveal their dagger like fangs, "I'll just kill you."

"Wait wait wait wait I uh," think of an excuse quickly, "I can help you."  I hope they ignore the squeak at the end of that statement. 

" Now why would I need your help," their voice hinting at slight curiosity.

"Well I don't know exactly what, but I'm sure I  can be of some help to you. I'm fairly strong and independent," I rush out, trying to convince this stranger to let me go with them so that I can at least get away from those horrible people.

A slimy voice comes out from the trees farther away but it's starting to inch closer to where the stranger and I are standing. The fear of going away with them or getting caught even paralyzes my body. I gotta get out of here, think think think. Thoughts rapidly go through my mind for a possible escape route. 

"Hey," the  smooth,deep voice snaps me out of my thoughts, "you can come with me for a little while, but not a long time, we can start our trip after I take care of these pathetic humans, alright?"

I simply nodded my head, not trusting my words as relief floods over me like a storm. But why describe humans in such a way? The only people I've ever heard describe humans like that would be my family but we are...unless. I shake my head at the thought. No they couldn't possibly be like me. Why would I even think like that, I'm the freak here, not them.

"Now close your eyes, and whatever you do, don't open them until I say otherwise.", their tone is urgent as they spit out directions to me. "Oh and hold on to my rat Enzo and don't squish him."  I look down to see a snow white rat with red eyes sniffing my hand. They move their hood so I can only see their mouth. Nodding my head, I do as they say, "good."  Hearing footsteps from different directions I try to comprehend what the stranger was doing. One human seems to be running away after a distinct crack was heard and then a large thump. More footsteps could now be heard running in the direction the first two were heading in. My eyebrows furrow,  trying to figure out what was going on.

"Why do you look constipated?" 

"What I-"

"Oh yeah, you can open our eyes now and give me my rat back"

Handing over the rat and I look up to see the stranger's face for the first time. They had short, dark brown hair, with a slight wave at the top of their head. Freckles were splattered across their cheeks and nose and spread out across the rest of their face, giving a slightly softer look. Their jaw line however,  was sharp and complemented their highly defined collarbone. Do they even eat? The Eyes are what really caught my attention though. Two ruby caverns, staring at me in a lazy, almost bored look.Once our little staring contest finished they went on to fixing their cloak to brush off the dirt that was on it, I could see that they had lanky hands, the ones that were good for pick pocketing and picking locks. The rest of Their body was lean, yet still had defined muscles, the kind you get from moving from place to place and working odd jobs.As for their skin, it was pale as if they were a corpse. Seriously, do they even know what the sun is? 

"Alright we better get going before any other moron delays me from getting you to where you need to be, so then I can be on my merry way," they state sarcastically while putting their black cloak on.

"Hey wait," I stutter out while reaching for their arm. They stare back at me, oh god I just grabbed onto a random stranger who I just met, "listen I don't know what you did sir- uhh ma'am- ummmm mysterious...," Stars, I can't tell what gender they are. Sure they look masculine, but they have a lighter voice when they talk. And have some feminine looking features. But still they could go both ways. Staring up at them with a stern look in my eyes, "um I don't know what you just did, but I do know that it doesn't make sense so you better start talking or I'll turn you in for killing a human.", I say in a matter of fact tone and crossing my arms over my chest. Okay that wasn't too bad, maybe I can take control of this situation. After all, what could they possibly do that could harm me of all things.

 They cock an eyebrow at me, look me up and down and start to slowly walk closer to me. Well there goes taking control of the situation. I purse my lips tilting my head up to look at them, trying to stand my ground but it is harder to sense they're like 6'1. 

"Listen here lady, one how do you even know I killed a man when you were closing your eyes the whole time unless you got some abilities yourself, and two it's sir for today but it changes from time to time, but don't worry I'll keep you updated." 

"Ok, well then sir, if you explain to me what happened then I'll tell you anything you want to know about me, deal," I reach my hand out for them to shake with a smile, waiting for my answer.

He looks at me for a time before giving me a sigh and putting his hand out to shake mine as he nods. 

"Well come on we haven't got all day and  I can explain as we walk," he stated ,

"Well if we are going to be taking a long walk together we should probably introduce ourselves," He looks me up and down once more in slight judgement then sighs as he starts to explain, "my name's arrow, but just like the pronouns I'll tell you when they change."

"Alright," I say with a smile, "It's very nice to meet you Arrow, I'm Hope."

~~~~~~

"Wait so you're a vampire...woah," I say in disbelief. I never really thought one Vampires existed, and two there would be other people who weren't human. 

"Yeah, pretty much been on this dumb planet for what feels like way too long, " he says in a nonchalant tone, "now what about you don't think I forgot the couple times you slipped up on yourself."

"Oh I uh," should I really tell this guy? What if something bad happens because of it? No, no he told me his secret so it's not a big deal if I tell him mine, "I'm a, uh , a werewolf." I say with a hesitant voice. 

It's weird telling someone this, growing up my mom taught me from a young age that I should never tell anyone that I'm a werewolf or bad things would come to me, but if I'm being honest it's nice to tell someone and someone who I can kinda relate to I guess.Still would have been nice to tell them on my own terms though.

"Woooow, Aren't we supposed to be like mortal enemies or something," a teasing voice coming from him.

"Pfftt whatever," I manage to say while laughing at his joke. I hear a small chuckle from him as well, "so, how much longer do we have to walk for?" I question peering up at his face.

"Mmmm I'd say probably another couple hours." Darn it! My feet are killing me!

And throughout those hours were probably the most interesting moments of my life. I mean I finally got to meet someone and tell them I'm a werewolf and have a pretty good time with them. The only people I even remember socializing with was my family, and they were, how do you say it...interesting. 

"Oh and by the way," I say. He looks down at me with a cocked eyebrow, "thanks for saving me from those people."

"Don't worry about it, I got hungry anyways."

~~~~~~ 

"Well here we are," he says as we peer down a pretty large hill to see a small trading town. The tavern lanterns glowing, workers moving around like ants at the docks. 

"Wow, it looks awesome," I say in disbelief.

Bending over to my level, looking at the town then to me, "you look like you've got stars in your eyes from seeing a lame trading post. I don't think I've ever met someone with such low standards to be gleeful about something."

"Hey that's rude," I say, crossing my arms. "I've never seen a town, I've always been told to stay home."

"Oh well I wouldn't get your hopes up, but we should head to the tavern," pointing to a wooden building with a drunk person puking next to the side of the building, and right as we look over a fight had broken down next the person.

"That one right there are you sure?", I laugh nervously.

"What you seemed so happy a couple seconds ago."

"I-," opening my mouth to say something but then just closing it knowing I wasn't going to win. Making our way down a trail to get there. Stop panicking, you'll be fine, there's no reason to panic. I'm sure the people there are lovely and it's only the people outside like that, I think trying to be more hopeful about what's going to happen inside the tavern.

Oh no. My face darkened as we got closer to the rowdy, loud voices coming from inside. The dark alleys with sketchy people, and weird people right in front of the door.

"Come on don't fall behind," Arrows voice grabbed my attention, I nod back to him. Walking in, seeing people getting even more loud which I didn't even think was possible. From laughing to arguing there was so much. How could a person even concentrate? Oh boy this is going to be one fun experience.

[celestialflamesme]

| KARMA AND CRAZY MIDGETS | A Venai One-shot Modern AU | Fairy Tail Next Generation |

Ships: Raidyn Dreyar x Venetia Redfox

Dedicated to @primaverafrog @luna-chan00 @biorckstudios18 @animaration-fts @cxndy-stxrs (Lol, I can't believe that no-paragraph breaks worked😂 I fooled Tumblr, y'all!😎😆)

You'd think having a town overtaken by the mafia would make people more apprehensive, if anything. But if Magnolians were anything, they were huge (and he simply could not stress this enough) idiots.

Raidyn prided himself in not partaking in anything Fairy-esque which was more than what he could say about some of his colleagues (Yes, they named themselves Fairy 'Tail' of all things! How no one in this town even got the spelling right was beyond him....)

"Did you hear about Fullbuster and that Fernandez chick? They're together now!" Some red head he'd forgotten the name of (What! It was too late to ask her now!) stage-whispered.

"Who? Storm?"

The entire cafe burst into laughter. "Like Storm would even look at a girl that's not Nashi."

Point proven. They!! were!! on!! first!! name!! basis!! (He bet no one in this room even knew his last name, let alone first. Not that it mattered. He liked slinking in the shadows, although it was practically impossible with his snow-white hair)

Geez, did these people have no lives? They were talking about delinquents for Pete's sake! And ones that sure loved messing up the town in their infamous brawls. But did the people care? Nooooo.

Ugh, one more year and he'd be out of this whacked up place. Wiping a tabletop, he forced a smile on his face and pretended to be interested in the topic.

"Cass, I'll have a black and a burger with fries," a voice interrupted. A voice he was very familiar with.

Did he happen to mention that the most annoying one of them all had made this her hangout spot?

At 5'1, you'd think Venetia Redfox would be the least intimidating person ever. But with crimson red eyes and a Devil-may-care attitude that made up for it, no one dared mess with her. She also caused 75% of the fights in town and had a smirk straight out of a Wattpad Bad-boy fanfic.

Boy, did he hate her.

"You're gonna chip it off with that grip, Blondie."

Oh my god, she did not just-

Raidyn shot her a glare and strode to the back of the register, faintly registering a chuckle (Who the hell did she think she was?) before picking up another order.

Little Miss Redfox however sat at a corner table and continued doing whatever the hell she usually did every Tuesday and Friday for 3 hours in a row (he should know, he was there glaring at her at closing time).

But the kicker this time was, at that moment, her phone rang. You have never really seen your world end right before your eyes if you haven't seen a 5 foot psychotic looking delinquent decked in leather that drove in a motorcycle there by the way (How does one willingly ride on a metallic death-trap like that?!) mumble the words 'Cha cha real smooth' and pick up a call with the most deadpan look ever.

Raidyn almost cried. Almost.

"Are you kidding me? Do it yourself! I swear to God, you always do this shit, Dragneel!" She got up from her seat and walked out, just like she looooved doing smack dab in the middle of her classes back at Magnolia High.

Good riddance.

........

He jinxed it. Karma was such a bitch.

Though no sort of karmic revenge could explain the shit he had to go through that week.

First off, he had 4 assignments due in by the end of the week. And turns out that was the exact week his dear red-head colleague decided would the perfect time for a vacation (It's the middle of September, where in hell's name was she planning to go to?)

Guess who had double shifts now?

This clown.

Ugh. Talk about chivalry and all that loyalty shit.

And yes, of course his car had to break down, and the local bus had to change it's schedule, which left him with his last resort: walking 4 and a quarter miles to school (Oh, he found that out the hard way all right) to college. Nashi and the Fullbuster kid (He sure loved walking around shirtless a little too much) decided to brawl (again) and bam, his locker got caught in the crossfire.

In fact things were so overly shitty that he became skeptical come Thursday when the day seemed relatively normal.

"You've been scowling all week, Dreyar. Anything the matter?"

Raidyn snapped out of his reverie and groaned. "Dad, why not just call me by my name like any normal person would?"

"Because that doesn't build-"

"CHARACTER!! WE GET IT!" His mom, Mirajane mimicked with a scowl. "Well, we're just going to get two Happy meals and then we're off, honey!"

He faintly registered Hunter snickering in the background (How immature. Raidyn wasn't one to get embarrassed by his parents. Plus, none of it would ever compare to the Disco Fiasco of 2001. How else do you think he got his car? Sweet, sweet guilt-tripping....)

The day buzzed past but his suspicions only intensified tenfold. (Call him a pessimist, he didn't care) And like a bull in a China shop, a tiny midget Redfox (the one and only) strut in.

Now, he was behind the counter at that moment handling the red-head (he really ought to learn her name someday) so he didn't notice 5 feet of brute strength that climbed up behind him and dragged him (poor, unsuspecting him) into the supply closet.

Oh no, he was not kidding. The supply closet. Of all the places the perpetrator could've-

The lights flickered on and he screeched (What? Any human would!) at the red irises staring determinedly into his own non-red eyes. (Seriously, were those even real?) Raidyn wasn't scared of no judgement, what did scare him (maybe not that much, now that he knew who those belonged to) was Satan's minion and her RED AS FUCK EYES! LIKE SERIOUSLY-

Clearing his throat and trying to salvage some faux dignity after that dramatic display, he grunted, "Touch me one more time and you're-"

"Yeah, yeah I get it, big guy. Look, I need a favour."

Venetia Redfox crossed her arms and stood threateningly in front of the entrance.

Who was she kidding? "Nope," he muttered and swerved right around her and made his way to the counter. (Pipsqueak. She really should've seen that coming.)

And right as he turned right towards the display case, he found her leaning against it with her shoulder, looking bored. "Yes. And now."

How the- PPHIGXUTDUTZUT- HOW DID SHE JUST-

"Parkour." She deadpanned.

Raidyn gave Venetia a long, long look and sighed, striding towards her. Her smirk widened in anticipation as-

He picked her up like a sack of potatoes and tossed her over his shoulder.

"WHAT THE- THIS IS HARASSMENT!!"

"Technically, you cornered me first," he stated matter-of-factly and dropped her on her feet (she looked like a hissy kitten, hmm.) Then proceeding to close the doors at her, he picked up a poster of her (he kept posters of all of them for a day like this. Ah, foreboding luck. He could feel it.) and pinned it onto the front door.

BANNED: VENETIA REDFOX

(Was he even allowed to do that, you might ask, but bah, who cares? Rabid girls are a nationwide threat.)

.................

As he wrapped up and prepared to leave, Raidyn had a niggling feeling he forgot something very, very crucial. Uh-

A body collided onto his own and climbed (I kid you not) him (THE FUCK KIND OF ANIMALS DID MAGNOLIA OWN?) before a tiny, rough hand muffled him. Oh no.

"Yoph kiphing mmph!" Raidyn groaned.

"I need you to teach me how to solve a Rubix Cube."

What. Excuse Raidyn for not knowing, but was Rubix cube some mafia codeword for mafia stuff? Stealing a car, fighting goons, skipping classes or drug dealing? Raidyn Dreyar had a long jail-free life ahead of him, mind you.

BUT SERIOUSLY, SOLVE A RUBIX CUBE?! HOW FRICKING RANDOM WAS THAT?! WHO EVEN TOLD HER HE KNEW HOW TO SOLVE ONE? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS GODFORSAKEN TOWN?!!!

(Some might say he really had to stop reading those novels his mom bought. Some might be right. Whatever.)

Back to the topic on hand, he mumbled inaudibly. Her cropped hair tickled the sides of his face as she squinted at him, "What?"

Was she kidding right now? He pointed at her hand covering his mouth and her eyes widened as she let out a nervous laugh. (Geez, talk about stupid.)

He took in a deep breath and shook her off him. She stood there patiently (As patiently as a Redfox could, anyway.) as he straightened his shirt.

"First things first, NO!" And he stalked away.

He registered a groan from behind him and quickened his pace. However, the midget in question managed to propel herself at break-neck speeds and no joke, TACKLED him.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-"

"GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHOTIC-"

Karma was such a bitch.

Macao, the guard standing by the parking lot, huffed, "They don't pay me enough for this."

...............

The only reason he was doing this was because she offered to fix up his car. (How did she even know it wasn't starting?) Also because it had been a while since he brushed up on his Rubix skills. Also because he wanted to get rid of the midget before she followed him home. (He figured his mom and dad would ENJOY her presence and replace him with her. He had crazy parents.)

Everyday she'd make sure to meet him (mostly by cornering him in the hallways) and in exchange for these classes, she'd work on his car at the weekend.

The first time she came over to his house (to work on his car, but he didn't know that) was rather embarrassing because he kinda sorta thought she was a burglar and locked his garage, yelling at the top of his lungs. His dad, Laxus came out with a taser (Dad sure loved his tasers.) Of course, when he finally opened the garage doors, he was met with an unimpressed look from the Redfox in question. (God, he was such a drama queen.)

The midget had a lot of trouble twisting her hands at the beginning of her sessions and he loved teasing her about her 'butter fingers' every time she accidentally flung the cube across the room or out the window in one rare occasion.

You know, she was kind of fun to have around.

"And that's the algorithm! You're all done!" He cheered, glad to have this behind him.

"Geez, you don't have to sound that excited to get rid of me." Venetia teased.

"What? No....." He feigned innocence.

"D'aww, admit it, you enjoyed my company."

"Please, more like I was scared for my life." He mumbled. She snorted.

"Catch you later, alligator."

Did she just- "NO WAY, JOŚE!" (That was lame even for him. Gosh dang it, she was laughing at him....)

Fricking Redfox.

......................

That weekend, Raidyn thought he deserved a good ol' evening out with his friends/colleagues (technically it was the manager that suggested it and he tagged along for the heck of it. He wasn't much of a social person, per se.)

He guessed Karma was still on a streak when Venetia Redfox entered the very same place they'd chosen for karaoke night and sat herself on one of the tables in front of them. And proceeded to order nothing.

The raven-head didn't even have her notebook (that always made her look disarmingly tiny) or her phone. Oh well, she must've been waiting for someone.

As the hours passed, he found himself exceedingly irritated for no reason.

"Who in their right mind would stand up The Venetia Redfox?" His colleagues whispered (rather loudly, according to him) and she just tapped her fingers away, oblivious to it all.

Fine, whatever.

"Sup." He towered over her and greeted, moving to take a seat next to her.

She blinked at him.

Okay, you couldn't exactly judge him. She was a regular and tipped good and people were being annoying about her and oh, her tapping was distracting and he had a massive headache coming. That's all. Simple as that.

"Don't you have better shit to do?" Red irises stared at him impassively.

"What are you doing here by yourself?" He asked coolly.

"Well, Nashi was supposed to-"

"I'M HERE! I'M HERE! I'M-" Both tilted their heads just in time to see Nashi ram into the glass doors. The now groaning pinkette was sprawled on her butt in front of the entrance. "Fricking doors."

"That's her." Venetia deadpanned. Raidyn shook his head sympathetically.

"Heyo Ven! Heh, kinda lost track of time beating Frostbite at Mario Kart," her doe eyes scanned him. "Raidyn! I didn't know you guys were friends!" She grinned.

Raidyn gave her a two-finger salute in greeting.

Nashi's eyes suddenly widened in realisation. "YOU'RE TEACHING HER THE RUBIX?!"

"Uh..."

"Yup." Venetia smirked. "He's a great teach. His parents have taken me in as their own."

"WAIT! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS?!"

"Just like that, Blondie. What can I say? It's the charm," She grinned at his bewildered face.

"You guys are all ready for the challenge then?" Nashi wiggled, now nervous, "Ven, I didn't mean to drag you into this, but Clint was-"

"It's cool, dumbass." Venetia shrugged. "Ain't your fault that they're dipshits."

At his confused look, Nashi clarified, "People like picking on us just because we're Fairies and held to the same standards as our parents. This frat dude decided he had to prove he was smarter than the Fairies and decided to pick a Rubix cube challenge of all things." She rolled her eyes. "Bet he taught he was real original thinking that one up."

"Bet he did." Storm scoffed. (Wait, what?)

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"

"From- the front door?" Storm scratched his head in genuine confusion. (As if Raidyn was the weird one that sneaked up behind people like a stalker!)

Nashi facepalmed. "Why the heck are you here, Frostbite?"

"Just like that."

"Gosh, you're so annoying."

"Wanna say that to my face, Flamebrains?!" Storm yelled. (Oh, not again....)

"Guys, please don't...." Raidyn said, but both didn't seem to be paying attention to him.

"I SAID YOU'RE ANNOYING! FIGHT ME!" She threw a punch at him and before he knew it both were throwing napkin holders and vases at each other.

Venetia seemed to be enjoying the show, and pulled him to the back of the room, "This might take a while," she stated. "Wanna grab a milkshake?"

Well, he was kind of craving one. "Why not?"

..................

Today was the day of Venetia's challenge and Raidyn found himself nervous.

"You sure they won't wreck the place?" He grumbled for the umpteenth time.

Venetia groaned. "Do you have no faith in my abilities, Dreyar?"

"Nope. None whatsoever."

She raised an eyebrow, "Shame on you, then. I wouldn't let a good friend lose his job on my behalf. Dally ho, now!" She cheered.

He blinked at her, giving her a small reluctant smile. "Kick ass, Ven."

She tilted her head toward him and gave him a grin that knocked the breath out of him. "Thanks, Raidyn."

Shit. When did- when did she get so pretty?

"Look who we have here. You sure you're in the right place, Redfox?" A voice condescended. The owner of the voice was a grimy looking kid that looked like one of those middle-school spelling-bee losers that bragged about it whenever they met someone new.

"Clint." Venetia deadpanned.

Raidyn broke out into a fit of laughter, making 'Clint' (What kind of sad name was that?) glare at him. (Oh please, Little Clint was totally quaking in his boots! Why'd he even bother coming?)

"Let's begin then! Pick a shuffler." Clint drawled.

Venetia picked Nashi while Clint, after a moment of deliberation, picked one of his gang-mates (What did they call it? The Math club?)

"You may begin."

Both Nashi and the grimy dude shuffled for the better of 15 seconds. Clint just scoffed and clicked like a pretentious know-it-all, making comments like, "You're making it easier by shuffling harder, you know. Make it tougher for me, Nashi dear."

Raidyn had to give it to the pinkette, he would've smacked the teen by now.

"Okay," the referee, Storm cheered, (even though he looked like he was ready to kill Clint) "Timer starts, NOW!"

Both twisted and turned the cube furiously, Venetia sticking her tongue out in concentration while the teen twisted his arms like a man possessed.

"I'M DONE!" Venetia dropped the cube with a thud onto the table. "How's that for a Redfox?"

"E-excuse me? That's insane! It's only been," Clint checked the timer like the sore loser he was, "31 seconds!"

"Too bad," she smirked. (Well shit, that was hot...)

"I demand a rematch!"

Nashi moved to protest, but Venetia silenced her with a hand, "Whatever you say, kid..."

"This time, we swap cubes!" He whined like the little weasel he was.

3 minutes later, the rematch began and Venetia plopped her cube on the table with a glare.

"You think you're smart giving me a faulty cube, don't you?"

"And I'm done!" The weasel had the nerve to say. "I don't know what you're talking about Venetia, I used the same cube and it worked just fine. Maybe it was a stroke of luck on your part the first tim-"

He couldn't finish his tirade because Raidyn took that opportunity to check the cube (He didn't have to though, he believed Venetia enough to know she wouldn't make up excuses.) and yeeted it at his face like he'd been itching to do from the moment he saw the turd.

"YOU IDIOT! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS-"

"GET HIM!"

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Nashi growled, "I'M ALL FIRED UP NOW!"

Oh dear.

Okay, maybe the fight wouldn't get too big, these were scrawny kids after a-

Yeah, Nashi Dragneel just flipped a table on them.

There goes his job.

"GO, NASHI!" His manager cheered. (Okay, thank God this town was crazy.) "Raidyn! You can take the day off, kid. Have fun!"

Storm chose that moment to enter after his momentary toilet-break. "I WAS GONE FOR 3 MINUTES, WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"JOIN US, STRIPPER!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

Venetia, unbothered by the chaos behind her, pulled him by the arm, her eyebrows furrowed at him, "Well, I tried. But hey, looks like you still have your job. That's a win, right?" She scratched her neck, laughing.

He sighed, putting caution to the wind. This was Ven after all. "Ice-cream date? My treat for today's win."

A smile erupted on her face, "Only if we take my bike there."

.............

Bonus (That no one asked for):

"Okay, so you have to grip it right. Not too tight. Just enough to nudge it in the right direction." Venetia explained, from where she was seated in front of him on the death tra- bike.

Raidyn nervously laughed, "I've got this in the bag, I don't know what you're worried about." The tilt in his voice gave away his panic, however. She raised an eyebrow.

"Humor me then."

Okay.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

GO!!

"DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES, YOU IDIOT!!" Venetia screeched. She reached over and took over the handlebars just in time as they nearly crashed into a tree Raidyn was headed for.

He got off the bike and tripped, falling face-first on the ground. Fricking Jelly-legs. "I am never riding that death trap again." Raidyn groaned.

"What the heck?!" Venetia questioned, bewildered. "How'd you even get your driver's ed with such sucky basics?"

"IT'S A DEATH TRAP, THAT'S WHY!!"

"OF COURSE IT'S A DEATH TRAP IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!!!"

"Fight me Ven, I'm never getting on that thing again!"

"Too bad, I have to drop you back home too." The sneaky devil dared smirk at his plight.

Fricking Karma.

He wouldn't have it any other way, though.

.............

[365days365movies]

January 3, 2021: Cliffhanger (1993)

Sylvester Stallone.

The Italian Stallion here is one of the most prominent action movie stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s, coming to prominence with Rocky in 1976. And before we even start this review, here’s the deal: I refuse to make fun of the man’s iconic voice. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all shouted “YOADRIAAAAAAH!” at some point, but his voice and face is due to a botched birth, which pinched a nerve and caused permanent facial paralysis. We all got something, and I’m not gonna target him for it. It’s been done enough.

I also can’t really comment on his acting ability. Why? Well...OK, some confession time. I’ve BARELY seen Stallone in a film. That’s going to be fixed this year, as I’ve added many of his films to the list for 2021. So, what have and haven’t I seen? Let’s start with haven’t, shall we?

I haven’t seen:

Rocky (1976): Sports November

Rocky II (1979): maybe Sports November

First Blood (1982): later this month

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992): Please. Please don’t make me.

Cliffhanger (1993): Give it a minute.

Demolition Man (1993): Science Fiction September

Judge Dredd (1995): maybe Science Fiction September

The Expendables (2010): later this month

I have seen:

Tango and Cash (1989): Dumbass buddy cop movie with Stallone and Russell; 2/5.

Antz (1998): Sub-par Dreamworks rip-off of an already kinda sub-par Pixar movie; 2/5

Spy Kids 3: Game Over (2003): Yeah...I saw this in theaters, on my birthday. I saw everything in red and green for, like, an hour afterwards. Worth it. 2/5.

Rocky Balboa (2006): Somehow, this is the only Rocky movie I’ve seen, Creed included. And from what I remember, it was fine. 3/5.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017): The ONE good Stallone movie I’ve seen, and it isn’t even a Stallone movie. 5/5.

So, yeah, I haven’t seen any good Stallone movies, sans the one. But now, some of you are probably asking another question: “Why Cliffhanger? You literally haven’t seen any major Stallone movie, so WHY CLIFFHANGER?”

First of all, I think everybody’s kinda slept on this movie. It was a big success back in the day, but people have basically forgotten it at this point. You’ll see in this review that there aren’t even many GIFs from the movie made, and it wasn’t easy to find enough clips to make my own, honestly. Does it deserve to get slept on? I mean, we’ll see, right? 

Secondly, I just watched a Tom Cruise movie where he dangles off of a rope, and I liked that, so why not do that for the next one, I guess! And third...honestly, I saw this on the list, and it kinda just spoke to me. It called to me, like a boxer calling to his love. Hey, look, a reference to a movie I’ve never seen. We’ll get there. We’ll get there. Oh, and SPOILERS from here on out, by the way.

Recap

We start on a cliff. Surprise.

Michael Rooker (y’know, Yondu from Guardians of the Galaxy) is hanging out (HA!) with his girlfriend Sarah on a cliff called the Tower. Y’know, third date kinda stuff. First date is dinner, second date is dinner and a movie, and third date is free-climbing up a cliff to your near death. Well...near is a strong word…

ANYHOOOO, We meet Gabe, played by the big man himself, Sly Stallion, who’s a rescue ranger in the Rocky Mountains. So, Rocky, the Rockies Rescue Ranger is sent to save Yondu and Sarah. Unfortunately...someone forgot to check the equipment before the rescue mission…

Not gonna lie, this scene is actually heart-wrenchingly tense. And the ending...well, if you’ve seen Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls...you know what happens here. And it’s actually somewhat traumatic, for Gabe and for me. Seriously. It’s a roughie.

Cut to almost a year later, and Gabe is...NOT OK. He and his wife, Jessie (who is a pilot for the Rescue Rangers, and was there when Sarah fell), have been separate, and Gabe just can’t do it anymore. And I get it, honestly. That was a hard experience, losing someone and blaming yourself. And no, it wasn’t Gabe’s fault. But to add insult to injury, he has NO SUPPORT SYSTEM. His wife doesn’t seem to understand, his former best friend Yondu hates him (getting GotG Vol. 2 flashbacks), and he’s basically all alone. Geez. You guys are jerks.

Meanwhile, a plot is afoot! And hey, it’s Tripp from CSI: Miami, AKA Rex Linn! I always liked him, so it’s cool to see him in other roles. Turns out, though, that Tripp is working with a group of thugs to steal from the US Treasury. This villainous group of 8 thugs is led by John Lithgow, AKA Lord Farquaad from Shrek, who is channeling Hans Gruber from Die Hard, and trying super-hard on that British accent. Anyway, after a pretty great mid-flight action sequence, the group of thugs loses 3 suitcases of money, amounting to millions. In the process, they also lose Expendable Thugs #1 and #2. This will be a trend. 

The thugs crash their plane into the mountain, killing Expendable Thug #3 in the process. They stage a rescue situation to get some expert mountain climbers to help them find the money. Jessie, after having just told her hubby to suck it up like a big boy (I don’t really like Jessie, by the way), begs him to help find these people. Reluctantly, he agrees, and has a tension filled reunion with his former best friend, who blames him (unfairly, in my opinion). That animosity disappears as soon as they find themselves held hostage by the thugs. And so, the money hunt begins!

First suitcase is on a cliffside, and Stallone goes to get it. Some shenanigans quickly ensure, and the thugs shoot at him. An avalanche occurs because these dumbasses have never seen a movie, and in the process, we lose a suitcase of money, Expendable Thug #4 goes the way of Sarah, and Gabe is presumed dead. Farquaad tells Yondu to tell his coworkers that everything is fine, and he’s gonna stay on the mountain to ride out the storm. Which is #5 in the list of “moments in this movie where I would 100% die” I grew up in a warm climate, this is not a comfortable hypothetical situation for me.

Anyway, our intrepid team of criminals takes Yondu to find the next suitcase, while Jessie and Gabe separately make their way to the cabin that Yondu was talking about. They catch each other up, and they can’t contact the main office because...Jessie’s radio died in the cold? You...you work amongst mountains as a rescue officer for stranded hikers. That’s the best excuse the writers came up with? Why the hell didn’t she bring a better radio? They HAD to have spares, right? RIGHT? Geez, no wonder you needed Gabe’s help.

The tracker, with its marvelously outdated computer graphics technology (IT’S A UNIX SYSTEM IKNOWTHIS), leads the thugs to the next package, but not before Gabe and Jesse get there! Gabe leaves a ransom note for the money, holding it hostage. This eventually leads to a nighttime chase in the snow, leading to Expendable Thug #5 going The Way of Sarah.

By the way, it’s also at this point that I notice that it is VERY bright...for being in the middle of the mountains at night. And I get it, you can’t exactly have your movie be shot in darkness, but...look at this.

Like...wow. That’s the fakest outdoor shot I’ve ever seen. I guess I’m glad it isn’t a day-for-night shot, but...yeah. Wow.

Jesse and Gabe find themselves in a cave full of the cutest goddamn bats I’ve ever seen. This is supposed to be a harrowing experience, but simply makes me jealous. They’re fruit bats, by the way, and they’re also WAY too high up, altitude-wise. At least, that’s what I assume. I’m a bird-guy, not a bat-guy. Eventually, they make it out of the cave after Stallone does some free-climbing...loudly. Loud enough for the super-violent, sociopathic, knife-and-gun-loving Expendable Thug #6 to hear them. And that’s when Gabe ICE-PICKS HIM IN THE LEG DAMN

Understandably pissed, and not as understandably still walking around without crying (#6 in that list of me-dying moments), the thug finds and beats the SHIT out of Gabe, handily.  But then, he calls Jessie a bitch, and Gabe is, above all things a feminist. Which leads to him, and read this CLOSELY:

This leads to Stallone, bloodied and beaten, PICKING THE THUG UP OVER HIS HEAD, AND IMPALING HIM ONTO A STALACTITE. Not a stalagmite, a STALACTITE. HOLY SHIT!.

Well, Expendable Thug #6 is dead, there’s a bomb on the mountaintop, Jesse almost goes The Way of Sarah, and Frank (another guy who works with them, don’t know if I mentioned him) gets lured into a trap where he gets killed. An “Aww” moment from me; I liked Frank, he seemed like a really nice guy. This eventually leads to Farquaad and Tripp out-crazy-ing each other, and Farquaad winning by killing Expendable Thug #7, who does not go The Way of Sarah (blessed be her fall).

Gabe finds the remaining money, while Tripp, Yondu, and Expendable Thug #7 get there just after. Tripp leaves, and Yondu then delivers my favorite line of the movie:

Oh, sorry, no, it’s, “In a minute, I’ll be dead. You will always be an asshole.” Thug #7 beats the shit out of Yondu, I get flashbacks to GotG 2, and Thug #8 goes THE WAY OF SARAH, BLESSED BE HER FALL. Tripp finds the tracker without the money, and officially loses it, outing himself and Farquaad to the government officials who FINALLY get here.

Tripp finds Gabe, they make their way to a frozen mountain lake, and Gabe SHOOTS TRIPP FROM UNDERNEATH THE ICE. That shouldn’t have worked for many reasons, but that was cool, so fuck it. Now, it’s just Farquaad, BUT HE HAS JESSIE! OH NOOOOOOOooooooo.

This whole thing culminates in a tense, cool chase sequence between Gabe and Farquad in the helicopter. The helicopter crashes into the mountainside, and the two fight while on the helicopter, which is now hanging from the cliff.

Oh. Oh, I get it.

This inevitably leads to Farquaad and the helicopter going, of course, The Way of Sarah. Blessed Be Her Fall. #BBHF. 

And that’s it. Our three heroes are, themselves, rescued by the government agents, and we pan away from the cliffside, as the credits roll. Boom. Cliffhanger.

Stay tuned for the epilogue, which contains the review!

[eriklivesinmybasement]

Watched Phantom of The Opera (2004 movie) for the first time! (Reactions pt.3)

Pt 1. is here

This is gonna be a long one...

(Won’t lie I actually stayed quiet for a while after the backstory scene. I was pretty emotional, as it was a pretty difficult scene to watch).

(Also I can’t believe I forgot to mention the hanging of the stagehand earlier. That I was and interesting scene.)

Alrighty so... Christine is heading to a... cemetery?

Oh its her father’s grave. Gotcha.

And of course another pretty song. 

The cemetery actually looks kinda pretty here, ngl.

#FEELS

Christine sweetie that is not your dad talking to you stop it Christine DON’T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!

Also how did the Phantom know she was going to be there? #stalker #iAlreadyKnewHeWasaStalkerButThisJustConfirmsIt

Oh, hey Raoul. You still look like a dweeb.

SWORDFIGHT SWORDFIGHT SWORDFIGHT SWORDFIGHT SWORDFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, non-fatally wound the man trying to kidnap you and leave him in the snow. Surly that won’t piss him off at all. 

Looks like they’re planning how to catch the Phantom. And... Raoul did you seriously just essentially say, “Let’s use Christine, my fiancée and love of my life, as bait for this psychopath.”?

Bro I get where you’re coming from but is putting the woman you love right in harms way really the best way to go about this? Like, you couldn’t think of any other plan? None at all?

Even Christine shows that she obviously doesn’t want to do it! Why force it?!

Now we have the opera. Looks like the fires of Hell. These lyrics carry some pretty...umm...sexual vibes. If this is a small window as to what goes through the Phantoms mind, do I really wanna know what else is going on in there?! (yes. yes I do).

Phantom and Christine duet and whoa... looks spicy... Yo Phantom can you turn down the sexy? It’s getting a bit too hot in here.

Oh shoot Christine actually sees to be getting pretty into this. I wonder how Raoul feels watching all of this go down.

The Phantom really has it bad for Christine... WAIT ISN’T THIS THE PART WHERE SHE RIPS OFF HIS MASK?!

WHOA HOLY... actually he doesn’t look as bad as I thought he would. With how much they were building it up, I was expecting something much worse.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND THERE GOES THE CHANDELIER!!!!

EVERYTHING’S GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET EVERYBODY! LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay we gots a lots of stuffs happening here.

Police and an angry mob seem to be somewhat forming, chandelier crashed down starting a fire, and the Phantom, using some slick trapdoor moves, was able to snatch Christine and get away.

AND RAOUL YOU IDIOT WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SUPRISED HE STOLE HER AWAY AGAIN?!?! THIS WAS YOUR STUPID IDEA!!!! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DECIDED, “LET’S PUT HER IN DANGER OF BEING KIDNAPPED AGAIN!”

I want to like Raoul but buddy doing this to Christine just seems so wrong... And it doesn’t help that you continue to look like a dweeb...

Phantom... Please go get some therapy... 

“It’s in your soul that your true distortion lies.” BRO THAT IS DEEP!!

Raoul keeps falling into booby traps before getting to the lair and... OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR!!!!!

LET’S CHILL OUT MAN WE ALL KNOW MURDER IS NOT THE ANWER AND THREATENING TO KILL A GIRLS CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO GET HER TO LIKE YOU NOR START A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know guys, while ya’ll are talking and arguing Raoul is on the verge of death. 

These emotions are like... So all over the place. 

Christine kisses the Phantom and why do I find this to be such a sweet moment???? Also, I wonder how Raoul feels watching that. 

Oh my goodness that soft smile on his face after she kisses him is just.. AAAHHHH MY HEART!!!

And then he let’s them go. I think that when Christine kissed him, he was able to catch a glimpse of how much she loved Raoul. And that forced him, however reluctantly, to let them go and be happy together.

“IT’S OVER NOW THE MUSIC OF THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

(I don’t think the Music of the Night is exactly over yet my dude. I heard there’s a really weird sequel out there somewhere).

Bro stop smashing mirrors! Seven years bad luck! (Then again your whole life is full of bad luck so, I guess much isn’t changing there).

Back to the black and white future scene that we started with. Raoul is an old man. He gets the weird monkey music box to put on Christine’s grave (because she’s dead apparently).

THE ROSE WITH THE BLACK RIBBON AND THE RING ON HER GRAVE!! THE PHANTOM IS STILL ALIVE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE AND NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HER!! And this might mean that’s he’s been stalking her for the past few decades so like... Yikes...

I need therapy...

Alright regardless of the jokes I made, I actually REALLY enjoyed this! (Although I prefer the 25th Anniversary and Original London Cast soundtracks).

[madou-dilou]

Why The Dragon Prince Season 3 messed up

SO I pRoMiSed YoU aN EssAY about why the third season of The Dragon Prince disappointed me, and as I'm arrogant enough to assume that you are interested in my opinion, I post it here. ;)

*rolling drums*

King Harrow sums up the conflict as a narrative of endless vengeance, wrongs on both sides, that had to be redeemed whatever the cost.When the Dragang finds the egg, they think about the peace that could come.

But when Rayla shows it to Runaan, he tries to kill her, then goes to murder Harrow. He learnt nothing from what happened and is just trapped into that eye-for-eye scheme. At this point, Runaan represents not only Xadia's ideology, but also the whole world scheme. The world is blinded by this narrative of revenge, so blinded that they refuse to considerate peace even at the cost of relatives -and yes, I’m including Viren if “the world”. So there's no guarantee that returning that egg will stop the war, especially that, as far as we know, it was the queen of the dragons herself who ordered this assassination mission.

And Xadians don't stop there. They seem to work actively on kindle the fire. Elves are gathering at the Breach and attack human fortresses. And, just watch the episode where Soren attacks a dragon. Yes, Soren attacked first. But that dragon was flying over the city for days, fully aware of tensions, fully aware that humans were on their nerves after the kingslaying. If he just meant to afraid the people, he could just have left after dodging Soren's arrow; or simply destroy the tower, then leave. But he doesn't. Instead, he destroys the tower, then almost reduces the city to ashes, with the people still inside. When Callum finds out about it, he first doesn't understand why Rayla wants to save this dragon; but she explains him about the narrative of vengeance, that someone has to do something to break the cycle, even if she has to die for it. But she doesn't totally succeed and humans try to kill her, and the dragon gravely hurts a few of them before finally leaving. Even if, unlike Runaan, that dragon finally understood the hope the Dragon Prince was representing for the world (or perhaps he just flew away to warn Queen Zubeia), this doesn't erase the fact that he burnt down a whole city for no reason.

And Viren knows about that. Elves and dragons have exiled humans because they found a way to stop being considered as lesser beings who deserved nothing more than starvation. A quite unethical way, yes, but Elves could just give humans a bunch of Primal Stones if they wanted them to stop Dark Magic. No, instead, the Elves and Dragons exiled a whole people on sterile lands, Trade of Tears/Grapes of Wrath style, then ruthlessly killed all those who dare to pass nearby the border. Maybe the elves see it as a guarantee, a shield which prevent humans from doing unethical things. But to humans, that's just a knife over their throat. When they manage to get rid of that knife, elves and dragons just declare war on them, fully aware that they won't be able to defend. 

Viren sees himself as the Jon Snow of the story, he wants to prevent a genocide, but no one is listening to him because they don't feel directly threatened. And the elves, in my opinion, had no intention of attacking the four other kingdoms, since their kings took no action against them (not even Duren). But if we set in Viren's shoes (Viren who saw his friends dying right before his powerlessness because of those damned critches), his point of view makes sense. He is also trapped into an eye-for-an-eye mindset -after all he is the one who murdered Thunder to avenge Sarai, and he is also trapped in a "protect my people whatever it takes." Just as the elves.

“That’s horrible, Viren.” “We have no choice.” “Story of your life in two sentences bro”

The heroes' job is to stop this, to break the wheel. To save lives from both sides -but more from the human side, given how Harrow qualifies this conflict "unwinnable war".**The thing is, in season three, the heroes didn't stop the war.**Well, effectively they did, but because they chose a side over the other. That was quite an easy choice to them, for their enemies were no more humans but soulless monsters. But that's exactly where the problem is. 

The narrative brutally decided to caricature the conflict into a good VS bad framing :

Magic creatures are actually super friendly with humans!  

“Team Daenerys 4ever”

"Trees to meet you Callum! Yes I know, I was fully OK with my husband and daughter going into a suicide-squad to murder your father and brother, but no, I don't hate you, I think you are a wonderful person and that the world needs to hear a message of peace!" And the human army meets absolutely no resistance from the Xadians, that’s a proof Xadians were absolutely not hostile and humans are mean, racist, awful warmongers invading a land of peaceful rainbowed creatures! And the Dragon Queen is super happy about her baby's return and peace's arrival, so happy that she completely forgets -and so as the characters, that SHE sent those assassins over Harrow, and that her husband spent his whole life killing humans. And of course, the cast, including Soren, totally forgot about that dragon who burnt a whole city down, because dragons are, I guess, way more badass and cool than mere humans...

Viren stops thinking and being sorry about his actions. 

“No son, I don’t, I was too busy looking like a random bad-guy and admiring a sexy starry butt”

You might say, it's because he now acts instead of just talking. But just look his attitude when Amaya confronts him back in season 1. He's mad about her insinuating he murdered Harrow and even proposes the throne to her because she is the only one apart from himself, who cares about the elves and dragons. When Claudia asks him about Soren's life, he takes a while before responding, and doing so, his face is definitely not some Ozai's one. Or when he steals the king's stamp. He hears the screaming from the fight -he is traumatized by the elves and dragons. He looks at the family portrait, the family that was destroyed partly because of him, and definitely, has deeply sorrowful features on his face, while no one can see him, so there's no one in front of whom to pretend anything. And this isn't the only example of th- What? Season three? hahaha! no, he's definitely not sorry about imprisoning Ezran and shouting to Soren that his life didn't matter the slightest! 

Even if he was quite desperate when he was in jail, because he thought humanity was just doomed, this just doesn’t fit...

Oh, and he lost his brain when he gained the crown, and that was totally ridiculous and out-of-character. I mean, given the little we see from Harrow's reign, it was Viren who just handled the whole kingdom for ten years. The cunning king's shadow, who always had a back-up plan to fix Harrow's stupidity thanks to his knowledge, inventiveness, eloquence; the guy who raised Claudia; this guy is now unable to utter a single idea of his own because of a sexy elf’s butt and voice who gives him some validation? Haha. I don't believe it for a second.

And not to mention how kiling him just solved the entire conflict, like he was the one who caused it in the first place. He murdered Thunder and Azymondias and gathered an army to make his crusade, yes. But he acts this way because there already were massive thousands-years-long tensions before. Viren was a product of those tensions, not the direct cause.

But then I suppose it was so much simpler to have a random Iago/Claudius/Richard III/Scar/Jafar/Rasputin/Melissandre...

Oh, speaking of questionable using of fire.

The Cinder-heart soldiers.

“DRACARYS !!”

When people talk about Dark Magic, they describe it as a shortcut, an easy way, a magic problem-solver that gives a far too proper way to determine what's right and wrong, who has the right to live and who hasn't. Well, with the Cinder heart soldiers, writers do exactly the same. They don't use Dark Magic to address ethic issues as in season 1 and 2, here they use Dark Magic to give the viewer something to thrill about, to draw a neat, clear, proper, defined line between what's right and what's wrong. With those humans turned into soulless monsters, you can say that the elves are right to defend themselves because those monsters are stronger than they are; but you can also say that killing them isn’t such a big deal since they have no soul. Of course, that can be used as a tool to point Viren’s fucked up morality, to point that the greater-good mentality can lead to atrocities. But that just doesn’t work. If they wanted to sum up the absurdity of war, writers could have left the soldiers as they were: humans who think they’re doing the right thing but only lead to disaster. 

By making these monsters of those soldiers, by making them Viren’s puppets, by making them extensions of Viren’s will and power, writers frame Viren as the big bad guy who’s fault is everything and who’s death will resolve all the conflict (pretty much how killing the Night King solved the ten-years awaited winter in two seconds). 

And if I remember quite well, as illogical, rushed, nonsense, stupid, badly explained and outrageous king Ezran’s abdication was (GOD, that was SO STUPID. Ezran is Harrow's son, no doubts), his goal was to save lives. But at the final battle, he happily jumps over a dragon’s back to burn those exactly same lives down -even far more numerous than the ones he pretended to save  His sorrowful look on a single frame is clearly not enough to make me believe he’s sorry. He never addresses or criticizes or points the fact that those creatures were humans, while he is supposed to be the main character of a show about ethics, and while Viren shows doubts several times and justifies his actions which he knows are awful. Kantian Queen Sarai did a whole vegan argument about how killing apparently soulless creatures wasn’t a way to solve problems, and she was presented as right in the long term. Kantian-Rawlian King Harrow rathered die that letting one soldier take his place (but he was bad at math so he didn’t realize how putting 200 guards between himself and invincible assassins threw his calculation down, but that’s another matter.) 

“DRACARYS YEEPEEEEE”

Then their son, the main character, the one who gave up his crown to save a few lives, the one who is supposed to carry the whole breaking-the-infernal-wheel thing, this character doesn’t even blink at the thought of lighting a giant pyre out of those people, Daenerys style. And who could blame him? How could anyone blame him? Those weren’t humans anymore. Those were a bunch of soulless monsters who were running at him to slaughter his friends and family. I don't blame Ezran for killing those. I blame the series for making those and not pulling a question out of it. Do you understand what I mean? The Dragon Prince was about ending an absurd conflict where both sides were wrong but had reasons to fight. But turning a whole side into mindless monsters (including Viren and Claudia, one being blinded by power and a sexy elf’s butt, and the other blinded by her love for her father) just threw that speech away. And not to mentions how their deaths are treated on a comic and cheerful mode (I definitely hate this baker).

Did I say “A whole side ?” Oh, sorry. My bad. I kind of forgot about someone.

“A Mary-Sue is never late. Nor early. She only arrives when she was meant to.”

How everyone who ever sided against Viren for whatever reason is automatically a good-guy. Callum, Ezran, Soren, Opeli, Amaya, Aanya, Corvus, Gren, the baker (this DAMNED BAKER !!!) … I mean. When Viren came at the other royals asking them for help to avoid bloodshed, queen Aanya said “I won't send my army to face an unknown danger basing myself on a two-minutes speech!”. Very well, she doesn’t want to risk her people’s life because just one single kingdom messed up. That’s not her problem. I fully understand her choice here (even if she could at least enforce defences because Viren’s arguments were pretty valid). But when Opeli comes at her with pretty similar arguments “We need your army to avoid bloodshed”, she just accepts. Of course, we could explain her choice by strategic issues about how taking down three human armies all at once alongside with the magic army just makes her the most powerful human queen ever, even if that outcome was very unlikely given how unbalanced was the scale (I maintain it, how can mere arrows kill a magma berserk ? and even if she was relying on surprise, Viren's army clearly outnumbers gOoD gUyS's, as it was said several times)... But the season doesn’t address those strategic issues. Instead, queen Aanya just seems like Mary-Sue, like some low-cost Gandalf who has no other reason for being here except helping the good-guys against the oh-so-bad Viren. And as you know, good guys are, by essence, not interested in power (tHeY dOn’T wAnT iT)… So she goes to war right when the narrative is okay and when it helps the heroes. And of course, she arrives right when she is needed, even if, to quote Kronk, “by all accounts, it doesn’t make any sense”. (Kronk, who has the same French voice actor as Viren btw). 

And about Ezran... even the series says that Viren was right on this point : having a world-war resting on a eight years old king's shoulders is the worst idea ever. Even if this kid has best intentions ever, no one can take him seriously. Not Kaseef, who's father was just slain. Not Saleem. Not even Opeli -whom "you should have someone you can trust to rule this kingdom, someone capable, strong, dignified, loyal, lawful" scene seemed like the most unsubtle manipulation ever, and should have foreshadowed some nuance or lust for power into her. 

And about General Amaya…

“I don’t know why I hate him, but he is so dangerous, so evil, and I hate him so much than I’ll side with the people who murdered my sister and drink my nephew’s blood !!”

Of course, there is only one single guy in the whole human realm who deserves to be called arrogant and rotten to the core. Of course, he is so dangerous, evil and bad-intentioned that she just gets alongside the army she’s been fighting her whole life along, the army whom she believes drink human blood and the army who killed her sister. I mean, even if she distrusts Viren because of how her sister died and how Harrow’s assassination benefits him, don’t forget that she is a human and that Viren is working to defeat elves, just as herself. I’m not saying she’s some awful traitor to her blood or anything, but just that she took her decision far too quickly, and that this decision was far too brutal, too defined, for to be credible for the viewer. But, guess what? She opposed to Viren once! That means she is a good girl, and that everything she does is the right thing, even if she has no reason to do so. And don't make me launched about Opeli...

So, the result of it: it gives the impression that the Sunfire Ordeal of Light was right. Elves aren’t wrong, elves are never wrong because they just have an unmistakable detector for right and wrong. The proof is, it found Amaya to be good and Viren being bad! Because Dark Magic is so bad, you know (sorry to the 100 000 of lives who Viren saved with that magic).

“You thought you were allowed to be a morally grey antagonist in a kids show? Haha, how bold of you, you fool !”

And of course, no important character dies amongst the “good-guys” side. Also on the bad side actually apart from Kaseef (whom treatment by the narrative was just disgusting), but Viren died before being brought back and Claudia was traumatized for life. The good guys? Oh, thanks for asking. All of them are well and safe because they brought peace by crushing that oh-so-bad Viren and his oh-so-evil-and-soulless army. Ezran and Aanya butchered hundreds of thousands of people by fire and arrows, and Viren died without Callum trying anything to save him, but I guess that was the right thing to do to prove the narrative of love and forgiveness. <3

“Bye-bye oncle Scar”

And, on the top of that, the icing on the cake, the cherry on the top, "la cerise sur le gâteau" : getting Azymondias back to his mom just solved the entire conflict in one second.

I know the purpose was about stopping the war. But there, the series didn’t stop the war. The series chose a side and forgets about everything that was established in the first two seasons about the complexity and absurdity of war. The series just threw its whole own speech away by ridiculizing Viren, depicting elves and dragons as nothing but kind and gentle, defining a straight line between magic goodies and soulless baddies, and having a thousand years-long conflict resolved in a few seconds.

Do you remember when Harrow described this conflict as “not so simple”, as a thousand years-long conflict where both sides were so filled with hatred to each other that peace was nothing but a naive child dream? Do you remember when Runaan tried to murder his adoptive daughter when she tried to explain that peace was possible? Do you remember when that red dragon burnt down a whole city for no reason? That's a shame because the series doesn’t <3

And that can be explained very simply: NOT ENOUGH EPISODES. If only Netflix agreed to change the format, this series could have obliterated Avatar The Last Airbender or the Alabasta Arc from One Piece (which has a similar plot, but with some bad guys into it from the very start, and in spite of this succeeds into outstandingly depicting the absurdity of war). If only the TDP series has had more time to breathe, to explain and develop characters, motives, depths, events, (especially Ezran's downfall which didn't make any sense) it could have been LEGENDARY

.But instead, The Dragon Prince just ran straight into the trap it was so brilliantly avoiding in season one and two: Manicheism, black-and-white, goodies VS baddies, Simple narrative.

And I don’t even think a fourth season can fix this.

The final picture was too rainbowed, too happy-ending, too simple to be fixed. Yes, there are still “OH SO SOOOO BAD GUYS” and under-plots to explore (Aaravos’s final plan, Viren and Claudia’s trauma, Rayla’s parents including Runaan, Pip, cohabitation between critches and humans), but the series was about the absurdity of war and how characters dealt with it. Once this war is not only over, but also oh-so-happy-ended, I really wonder what’s left to explore. Even Dark Magic ethic, one of the most interesting part of the show to me, is ridiculed. By rushing, they handled their speech in a very clumsy way, and even worse: hypocritical.

The third season threw the series's speech to the trash by a too fast narrative… And I don’t know if I can forgive this.

Reminds me of GoT season eight, actually. But that’s another problem ^^

Thank you for coming to my TED-Talk.

[sugarpun-fairy]

SOULMATE AU - SEAN CASSIDY X OC / ALEX SUMMERS X OC

word count: 1843 (first part)

warnings: angst by the end

a/n: who needs to read and write school work when we have fanfic right? def not me and my girl ori, who was the reason i got this done (thank u love) 

so this is another soulmate au, this one being the one where you have a mark related to your soulmate, since they’re mutants its related to their mutation

hope you guys like it xoxo

x-x

LIA POV

“Truth or dare bro?” Scott asked his older brother with the most devilish smile.

We were all sitting on the library, way past our curfew, in a big circle with an empty bottle in the middle. It was already past my first month at the Institute and I had to admit it was way better than I could’ve imagined. It felt good to be in a place where I wasn’t the “weirdo” or the “beast”. It was nice to be just... normal.

So basically, that was the reason I had chosen to be among about fifteen teenagers playing party games after the time we were supposed to be sleeping.

“Dare.” Alex finally answered and Scott looked like a kid seeing snow for the first time. What I didn’t expected was the young boy turning to me after his brother’s response.

“Lia are you wearing a bra?” he spoke.

“Excuse me?” Ori, my best friend who was almost sleeping on my lap questioned with her voice a little too high. I touched her shoulder and nodded.

“Yes, I am. Why?”

“Alex, I dare you to take off Lia’s shirt.” Scott declared with the most excited of the smiles.

“Are you okay with that?” Alex asked turning to me.

My heart felt like it was about to explode on my chest but I simply took a long deep breath.

“If I’m okay with a hot guy taking of my clothes? Why wouldn’t I?” I joked. Ori almost hit me, jumping away from my lap. Almost everyone had to hold back their laughs with both scenes.

Alex’s cheeks were redder than the roots of my hair. It was almost charming.

“Well if you say so.” He crossed the circle and started to unbutton my green oversized flannel, taking it off, leaving me in nothing but bra and black loose shorts. I was totally fine with it until I realized his eyes were not on my boobs but on the circles that took place between them and on my tummy, making me look like a literal walking bullseye.

“See something you like?” I teased arching an eyebrow. He cleared his throat and gave me back my flannel. “I believe it’s your turn to twist the bottle.”

“Probably.”

The bottle stopped on Sean’s direction, and we all could sense something wicked was coming. The ginger boy stared at the bottle for a couple seconds before finally answering his best friend’s question.

“Guess I’ll choose dare.”

 ORI POV

A weirdly expected shiver ran down my spine as Alex took longer and longer to tell what would be Sean’s dare. It was a well-known fact that nothing good could come from that mix.

“I dare you, if your crush is in this game, to kiss her or him.” Alex said with a big smile. Sean only sighed.

“Why put it like that if you know damn well who it is?” He complained and then turned to my direction. “Sorry.” He whispered leaning towards me and giving me a soft quick kiss on my lips.

I felt my face burning deeply, followed by a couple of large arrows tearing the back of my pajamas and going straight to Sean's direction.

“Fuck. Wait. No! Oh my God!” I took a damn deep breath and the arrows disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know how to react to that and… Well yeah I’m just sorry.”

“Well that was unexpected for sure.” Lia said finally buttoning her shirt up.

“I just went with the same logic as my little brother right here!” Alex explained.

“Amazing! Didn't knew you guys could think! And which logic would that be?” The blond didn't answer me, only laughed and shrugged.

“Okay, okay, time to put baby Ori to sleep!” Lia said as she stood up and pulled my arm. “Thanks everybody for the game! It was amazing, let's do it again next week?” added with another pull. “Ori, honey, let’s go before you stab someone with full intention!”

“Oh, but it was just getting funny! Weren't the one that wanted to stay up all night?” I joked and she simply stared at me.

“Am I gonna have to count?” She asked with no sign of being joking anymore.

“No, miss! I'm right behind you! Bye everyone.” I said following my pink haired best friend. But it was clear that there was something bothering her. “Why does it seem that you were more annoyed by the kiss than I was?” I dared to ask.

“It wasn’t annoyance.” she promptly responder.

“What was it then? You had to leave so you wouldn’t wake up the whole institute with your laugh?”

“I think Alex might be my soulmate.” She declared without looking at me. “And maybe Sean is yours.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What? Sean? Really?” She stopped and turned to me.

“He has arrows on his back, on the same place yours come from. Just like Alex has red wings on his.”

“So what? Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”

Lia took a deep breath, staring at the circles on her wrists and hands.

“Maybe. I’m not sure.” she whispered. “I really hope I’m wrong to be honest.” “Why honey?” I asked holding her hands.

“Because it would mean two people alone ‘til the end of their lives.” Lia mumbled pulling her hands back and leaving me alone in the dark corridor.

Weeks passed since the game and she never mentioned that suspicion again, but I hadn’t forgot. In fact, that was already pissing me off as hell because I couldn’t stop thinking about Sean and his adorable smile, or his soft ginger hair, or his charming freckles and where else they could be on his body beside his face and arms. It was terrible, annoying and absurd.

“Why don’t you talk to him?” Lia asked on a day she was particularly annoyed by everything. “Go find out if it’s him. What exactly do you have to lose?”

“If that’s so then why don’t you go talk to Alex?” I threw back without thinking much. “That way you can stop running away from him every waking second.”

She didn’t bite back. The absence of an answer made me realize how the whole situation was stressing her. Not only the soulmate thing but she was also failing a couple classes and the latest missions were ending with a lot of people in the infirmary, where she’d stay to help due to her mutation. Maybe that was one of the reasons she wasn’t having time to study properly.

“Lia, talk to me! What’s so bad about the possibility of being Alex’s soulmate?” I begged. “Please. I’m your best friend!” She only sighed without taking her eyes off the textbook. “Ophelia!”

“Don’t call me like that or I’ll steal your energy and you know I can do it.” She growled. “I know you’re my best friend but I’m fine, I swear! No need to worry.”

“I’m your bestie, its my duty to worry about you.” I kissed her on the forehead and left for a walk, leaving her with her textbooks and notes.

As soon as I stepped outside someone called me.

“Ori!” Sean repeated jogging to my direction. “Mind if I make you some company?” he asked with a sweet smile, his face slightly red – as always – from the jog.

“If I ever say no to that you can send me to the sanatory!” I joked making him get even more red. He laughed shyly and started to walk by my side. “So, how’s life?”

“Well I’m leaving for a mission tonight…” he started. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you, actually.”

“Am I your lucky charm?” I teased.

“Better. I believe you’re my soulmate.” He dropped, turning to me. I stopped walking and turned to him as well. “I wanted to tell you about that and tell you how I feel in case… something happens…”

“Don’t say that!” I held his face close to mine and dared to give him a kiss. “Nothing will happen. The mission will be a success! Everyone will be fine!”

His arms laced around my waist and he pulled me closer.

“Do it again. Please.” He whispered looking into my eyes.

“What?”

“Kiss me again.”

“Since you asked so nicely guess I’ll have to do it.” I teased, needing to be on my tiptoes to reach his lips.

For once in my life it felt like everything was in its place. The planets, the stars, us. His lips on mine, his hands on me. It felt like nothing in the world could ruin that.

Two days later, when the Blackbird landed in the middle of the night, I knew I couldn’t have been more foolish. Half of the institute had woken with the noisy clumsy landing that had almost ruined half of the garden. Everyone rushing to see what was happening made the whole situation more tense.

When Scott and Alex left the jet with an unconscious Warren between them and Erik with a bleeding Raven on his arms, some of the shocked students ran to help to get the others, Sean and Kurt. All of them badly hurt and mostly unconscious.

“What happened?” I asked following them to the infirmary. Lia was already there helping to put everyone in the beds.

“All of our data was wrong. It was a trap.” Erik answered laying Raven. “And we fell right into it.”

I took a deep breath and sat beside Sean’s bed, watching him closely. His uniform was completely bloody and torn, and he could barely breath. Tears began forming in my eyes along with a huge weight on my chest. My hands started to shake as I tried to touch his hair, even more red now.

“Ori, I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave.” Lia whispered touching my shoulder. “Being here won’t be good for you.”

“I can’t leave him!” I sobbed covering my face. “I… You were right, he’s my soulmate…” I stuttered.

“Oriana.” Lia repeated. Her red feathery wings finally appearing behind her along with a bunch of glowy feathers around the room. “I knew it. Now please. I don’t wanna have to heal you too.” I nodded before sobbing on her shoulder for a short minute. “I’ll do my best, I promise.” She swore, her wings getting bigger and glowing even more at every word. Alex closed the door behind me but I couldn’t move my legs to go back to my room.

It felt like everything I had had been stolen from me. My whole body ached at every breath I took. Tears couldn’t stop leaving my eyes no matter how much I tried. And the worst part was how useless all of that made me feel. How I’d just stand there seeing him in the state he was and was unable to do anything to help. How I couldn’t help Lia there. How I wish I could have gone to that mission and maybe help them defend themselves.

 x-x

taglist: @imaginesandideas @90s-cassidy @batboys-and-other-messes @southside-sweets @brattybombshell

[breathinginthevapor]

Snowed in

Summary: You and Luke have the same friend group, but hate each other. On a skiing trip with your friends, you end up being trapped inside the cabin because of a blizzard, just the two of you.

A/N: Who doesn’t like 7.5k words about the amazingly cheesy subject of enemies-to-lovers? It’s cute, it’s fluffy, it’s hella long, so I think you should give it a read and tell me what you think! I’m still practicing writing long things where there actually happens somethng but I’m excited about this, also because I’ve finished this much faster than my usual writing. Enjoy!

T/W: mentions of alcohol, (very) slight nsfw, fluffff

Masterlist

He sighs annoyed, frustratingly running a hand through the curly blond locks, “Why does this seem awfully much like something our friends would do?”

“Oh yeah, I can’t believe I forgot our friends are all magicians who have summoned this blizzard and trapped us here,” you sarcastically snort and roll your eyes at his terrible stupidity.

Idiot

He mirrors your expression, blue irises turning towards to the ceiling as he reasons with a voice that sounds like you’re a child that doesn’t understand the simplest mathematical formula, “I’m not saying that, you wombat-”

“Wombat? ‘the fuck do you mean?” you interrupt.

“Australian curse-word for a stupid or slow person,” he explains with an arrogant smile playing on his lips before continuing, “As I was saying, they could possibly have seen a warning about the blizzard on the news and then go out for ‘sightseeing’ in a town where we all know there’s absolutely nothing even remotely exciting and oh, how convenient that they’ve put the two of us on cleaning duty in the meantime.”

He pauses to take a breath, expression smug.

Ugh, he’s such an ass

“They just had to hope that the blizzard would actually arrive and snow us in.”

You hate to admit it, but he has a point

Damnit

Besides, it’s true. Your friends have been trying to ease up the tension between you and Luke for a long time, and, knowing your friends, it would only take a certain amount of time for them to go to extreme measures.  

You sink down onto the sofa with a growl, not even trying to hide your frustration. It’s no secret you and Luke don’t exactly get along.

Some of your best and closest friends call him their brother, basically family after being in a band together for so long, but you’ve always thought their fame and success have gone to that pretty, little head of his.

Because it is pretty, his head.

Just like the rest of his body, if you’re being honest.

Pretty might even be an understatement.

He’s fucking gorgeous.

But he’s still an arrogant, self-centred, insolent, intolerable piece of shit, and you can’t believe you’re snowed in with him, of all people. This can’t possibly get worse.

Just as the thought passes through your head, you’re proven wrong when the light turns off.

“‘ucking hell, please tell me that wasn’t the electricity switching off right there,” he pleads desperately, using his incredibly long legs to reach the light switches with only three steps.

He pushes the buttons over and over, but nothing happens.

“Cut it, Luke, it won’t work.”

He doesn’t look like he registers your words as he keeps hitting the switches. Still, nothing happens.

“Save that energy for something else. If the lights are out, we’ll have to find some candles. It’ll start getting dark soon.”

Finally, he stops his movements and turns to look at you, biting his lip angrily, although you get the feeling he isn’t angry at you, but more at the circumstances.

“If you search the kitchen and bathroom, I’ll check the rooms and then we’ll make a plan for everything else, alright?” you propose, and though he certainly doesn’t look content with you taking control, he obeys and starts to search through the drawers.

You get up yourself, first walking into the room Ashton shares with Calum (you swear, those two will end up getting married someday) finding nothing remotely similar to a candle, even checking Ashton’s suitcase for one of those scented ones he always freaks out over.

Then, you check the room you share with Crystal (it’s been decided that Mike and Crys aren’t allowed to share a room because then none of you will get any sleep having to listen to them “bone” (Ashton’s term, not yours) all night) but there’s nothing candle-like in there either.

Before searching through Luke and Michael’s room, you walk into the empty one where Roy and Mitchy were supposed to sleep. Unfortunately, they got sick just before you left, both suffering from high fever and nausea. You’re guessing that they probably shared a kiss last time you all went out and ended up infecting each other.

Lastly, you search through drawers and suitcases and cabinets and under piles of dirty clothing, but in the end, you have to give up and cross your fingers that Luke has been luckier than you.

Just the thought of him makes your blood boil with anger.

But just like it seemed like his anger was directed towards the situation and not you, yours are set ablaze by the thought of your friends scheming this.

They’re all dicks, and you hope they freeze terribly

Speaking of freezing, isn’t it getting kind of cold in here?

You gasp, the realization hitting you.

“Luke!” you yell, forgetting all about your irritation towards the blue-eyed musician and instead focusing on the problem in hand.

“Yeah?”

His voice sounds muffled and weird, which makes sense when you walk back into the living room and see his long body leaning towards a cabinet. It seems like his whole head is in there, and you can’t help but laugh at the sight of him, posture reminding you of an ostrich.

He tries to escape but bumps his head against the top of the cupboard, letting out a loud groan and a string of curses.

Perhaps it wouldn’t normally be this funny, but with the adrenaline pulsing through your body, you crack up with laughter. It doesn’t get better when his head finally escapes, cheeks painted with a deep red blush.

“Did you find any candles?” he questions, voice stern but with a tone of embarrassment as he changes the subject of attention away from his own clumsiness.

It surprises you how easy you find it to read him. You shouldn’t know him that well, you don’t.

So why do you immediately conclude that the way he scratches his neck and licks his lips mean he’s uncomfortable?

To be fair, those things could be explained by the fact that they are universal behavioural patterns, but that doesn’t reveal why you feel the sudden urge to hug him, or why you even notice them in the first place.

Weird

You remind yourself that he asked you a question, and that it’ll be even weirder if you just stand here in silence, so you clear your throat, “No, did you?”

He shakes his head, curls bopping lightly.

They look reallyyy soft

Wow, Y/N, get a grip

You curse yourself far away and the assure your very worried brain that these thoughts only are caused by the knowledge that Luke will probably be your only company for many hours to come and maybe also the fact that he looked kind of cute when he got flustered and clumsy and yeah, you’ve always had a thing for cute, clumsy boys tripping over themselves or something so it’s probably nothing more than that or anything to worry about.

You take a step back, so your upper thighs are pressed against the dining table. You jump up, bum now placed securely on the table and feet dangling back and forth.

You’ve spent enough time fawning over Luke’s pretty face now, you decide, and so, it’s time to address the concerning realization you made before.

“So, I just realized that it’s getting colder in here and that the heaters probably shut down along with the lights.”

Almost by cue, you shudder, goose bumps rising on your skin at the cold air.

“We should probably try to light the fireplace if we don’t want to freeze to death.”

You glance at Luke, trying to figure out how he receives your words. Fortunately, he seems to agree, nodding his head slightly which gives you the courage to continue.

“You look like a boy scout type, so if you do that, I’ll try to message our friends and assure them we’re OK, so they don’t get worried,” you pause, wrinkling your nose and furrowing your eyebrows. “If the electricity is out, we can’t charge our phones.”

He snorts, rolling his eyes at you and immediately, he goes back to the Luke you’ve grown to hate.

Brilliant

“Outstanding observation, Ms. obvious,” he mocks you, and it makes you want to hit him.

Preferably in the balls so he’ll never get the chance to produce babies and make the world a worse place with his offspring.

Prick

“And also, did you just say that I look like a ‘boy scout’? First of all, that’s very prejudiced of you, and second of all, that’s certainly not what the beautiful blonde in my bed said this Tuesday morning.”

“Just shut up and do your job, Hemmings,” you command with a sigh, sliding down from the table while trying not to think about Luke and some pretty girl naked.

The thought makes your stomach churn, but it’s probably just the thought of your arch-enemy naked.

Disgusting

You grab your phone from the kitchen counter, relieved to find that there’s at least 20% back on it.

Finally, some good news

But while ignoring Luke’s quit mutterings about you being dominating and annoying as he throws wood into the hearth, you see your battery percentage fall to 12% and realise that you’ll have to be quick, ignoring the many calls and text from your friends.

“We’re snowed in but alright. electricity out so no phone charging. pls come back soon so we dont kill each other - luke and y/n”

You send the text to Ashton (figuring he’s the most responsible) just before your phone shuts down, screen turning black.

You sigh. No entertainment left besides Luke.

How fucking great

“Luke? How much battery does your phone have left?”

His gaze stays fixed on the hearth as he shrugs, back still turned towards you.

“Dunno. Think it’s on my bed.”

But to make things even worse, Luke’s phone is just as dead as your own. All contact to the outside world is cut off.

You sink down onto the floor, resting your face in your hand and trying to gather energy for this. Perhaps you should hide the knives somewhere or throw them out into the snow so none of you gets stabbed before the others get back.

“The fire’s looking fine, if my boy scout knowledge is anything to go from,” Luke mockingly announces, emphasising your former words.

There’s a pause where none of you say anything, only the low sound of snowflakes hitting the glass breaking the silence before he clears his throat, tone shifting to a softer one as he checks, “Hey, you’re ok?”

You can hear him come closer, the floor creaking beneath his feet. Then, you can feel his body right beside you, legs almost touching.

You look up, the worried expression on his face surprising you.

You swallow a lump in your throat and nod, “Yeah. Yeah, ‘m alright. Jus’ worried.”

He shoots you a small smile, one of the corners of his mouth more upwards than the other. It looks cute, actually, like he’s a young boy.

Oh God, Y/N, this need to stop

“It’ll be fine. The snow will be gone soon and then the others will come back,” he soothes.

You nod, biting your lip. You don’t dare to say anything, though, scared that you’ll cry if you do.

“Shame we don’t got any booze. Could ’ave been fun.”

You both chuckle.

“Yeah. It could,” you agree.

“What’s the plan now, scout leader?” he jokes, hitting your shoulder playfully with his.

“Think ‘s just called a scouter, Luke.”

He acts offended, mouth agape, “We’ve established that I’m the experienced scout here, so I think I’m right.”

You laugh at his exaggerated expression, “Alright, alright, boy scout. I think we should grab our mattresses and lay them in front of the fire to stay warm and then eat some leftovers.”

He salutes, standing up and exchanging his hand to you, helping you up as well.

You can’t help but notice how the air between you has changed, how none of you are annoyed by each other right now, and that he even comforted you.

It must be the weird circumstances you are in, and you must admit that it’s more tolerable to be stuck in the cabin if you’re on good terms with your “inmate”.

“See you in five,” he says as you walk out the door.

You turn your head, smiling and nodding at him before going to your room to move your mattress.

Turns out, mattresses are surprisingly heavy, and although sweat are beginning to appear on your forehead, you’ve only carried it a couple feet so far.

“Need help?” Luke offers, as he pops up in your door frame.

You’re about to snap at him, the exercise making you irritated and increase the risk of falling back into old habits, but then you take a deep breath and put on a forced smile, “‘s alright, I can do it myself.”

He starts laughing, especially when you grunt, out of breath, “Sure looks like it.”

The frosty stare you give him stops his laughter, though. “Alright, you may help,” you accept through gritted teeth.

“Since you asked so nicely,” he sarcastically agrees and rolls his eyes at you, but nonetheless grabs the farther end of the mattress and lifts it with ease.

Show-off

With Luke’s help, it doesn’t take long before your mattress is placed in front of the hearth, across from Luke’s.

“I’m gonna change into something more comfortable,” he announces, disappearing into his room, and you follow his lead, searching through your tiger-striped suitcase.

You settle on an old band shirt you stole from Michael once and a pair of black leggings that makes your ass look good.

Never hurts to look cute

But as you have stripped yourself of your jeans, bra and sweater, you suddenly hear a quiet voice behind you.

“Shit.”

You quickly pull the band shirt over your head and turn around, knowing that the fabric will cover you up from your neck to the top of your thighs.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t-” Luke gulps visibly, his Adam’s apple bobbing, “Is that-” he clears his throat, “Is that my shirt?”

A breath gets stuck in your throat as you look down.

“No? It’s Michaels?” you deny, but it sounds like a question, and you realize that this might not be Michael’s old shirt after all. Actually, now that you think about it, you kind of remember Luke wearing it once.

Well done, Y/N

He chuckles awkwardly, scratching his neck.

“Um, no. That- that isn’t- that’s my shirt. I think I left it at Michael’s once and then couldn’t find it, so um, that’s probably why,” he rambles, cheeks pink.

You feel the blush on your own cheeks, heat rushing to your face.

Fucking great

“Do you- do you want it back now or?” you then question, not knowing why the prospect of letting go of the shirt seems even harder now that you know it’s his.

Fortunately, he shakes his head, “‘s alright, you can keep it. Don’t listen that much to them anymore, and it definitely looks better on you anyway.”

The last comment just turns his cheeks even more red.

“Thank you,” you mumble, looking down, “would you- would you mind? I still need to put on pants.”

He nods, whole face now painted red as he closes the door gently behind him.

Oh lord. Luke fucking Hemmings just saw you in nothing but panties

It takes you unusually long to put on the leggings, using the few extra minutes to get your brain and heart beat under control.

“Wanna get something to eat?” you ask once you’ve entered the living room, your voice clearly startling Luke as he jumps.

You laugh, and it only makes you laugh harder when he eyes you like you’re his next murder victim.

“Sure,” he grumpily agrees, standing up from the mattress.

How can he look so good in pyjamas? Unfair

He’s wearing grey sweatpants and the 5sos rose hoodie you’ve had your eyes on since the boys released their new merch, and he looks terribly cuddly.

“Is lukewarm lasagne our only option?”

You nod tiredly, grabbing the lasagne from the non-functioning fridge.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Almost-sour milk, coke completely void of fizz or Ashton’s weird cranberry juice?” you jokingly offer, talking like you’re a servant in a restaurant.

He chuckles, shaking his head, “Think I’ll stick with water.”

“Such a bore.”

“Oh, what are you gonna have, miss exciting-choice-of-drink?”

You slowly walk closer, sensually eyeing him and forcing yourself to pretend you’re trapped in a female version of Magic Mike.

“I’ve heard celebrity saliva taken directly from the source should be incredibly… tasty.”

You lick your lips, and he lifts his eyebrows with an amused expression

“Oh, you have?”

Why do you always do weird shit like this?

You lean closer, you lips only inches apart from Luke’s when you suddenly take a step back and speak with your normal voice, “Yeah. But not if it comes from arrogant, blond assholes, and I’m not taking any chances today.”

He laughs, “Yeah ‘cause I’m the arrogant one here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you question, sensing a small hint of truth although his joking tone.

He shrugs and looks at you like he doesn’t know if you’re being serious.

You think he’s going to say something when he swallows, but the silence continues until you’ve grabbed your plate with lasagne and gone back into the living room.

“Don’t think I’m letting you go this easily, Hemmings. I’m just too hungry to perform a full interrogation right now.”

You playfully point at him with your index-finger, but it only makes him rolls his eyes at you with a wry grin.

“Can’t you just decide if you wanna be a scout leader or a police officer?”

His reference to the earlier joke makes you laugh, the air between you now light and friendly in a way you’ve never experienced with Luke. On the contrary, with him, it’s always been hostile and tense. And to be honest, you don’t really know how to act around him when it isn’t.

You’re still deep in thought when the two of you sit down by the fire, soon feeling your skin tingle with warmth.

As you eat the food in silence and drink a bit of water (your choice of drink ended up being just as boring as Luke’s), your eyes fixate on the flames.

“It’s quite beautiful, isn’t it? The fire?” you whisper, your calm tone matching the feeling in your body.

There’s something about watching the fire that gives you peace. It’s amazing to watch how the flames are almost purple in the middle and then turn more orange at the ends.

“It is,” Luke mutters, sounding like he’s out of breath.

You turn your head and look at him to find him watching you instead of the flames. But as soon as your eyes meet his, he turns his gaze away.

Huh. Weird

You place the empty plate on the floor beside you, not having the energy to clean it right now.

“What time is it?” you ask, suddenly feeling kind of sleepy.

Luke looks around, eyes landing on the clock above the pistachio coloured armchair.

“About ten p.m.”

“It’s been a long day,” you yawn, not even embarrassed to be tired so early. It’s truly been an eventful day with skiing in the morning and then this mess with getting snowed in.

“Already tired of my great company?” he jokes, but you sense a tone of worry.

You shake your head with a tired smile, “Surprisingly not. You’re actually not that bad, Hemmings.”

“Wow, thank you. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he chuckles.

“Nooo it isn’t. I’m nice all the time,” you protest with a childish whine, sliding beneath the blanket and placing your head on the pillow with a content sigh. It feels good to be laying down, finally.

His cough is so overstated you immediately know it’s fake.

“Funny,” he states dryly.

You turn your head to look at him, trying to figure out if he’s joking.

“Aren’t I nice?” you then question, your genuinely worried tone seemingly surprising the blond.

“Well, you are right now. Still a pain in the ass, but nice enough,” he winks at you at his last words, and you throw a decorative pillow at him and giggle at the grimace he makes.

After a couple seconds, he elaborates, “But I dunno, nice isn’t really the word I’d use to describe your usual self. Not with me, at least.”

His last words are said lower than the rest, causing a hint of guilt to appear inside you.

You rest your head in your hands, elbows on the pillows.

“But you’re the one who isn’t nice!” you argue, and he looks at you with his eyes screwed up tightly.

“Only because you’ve been mean to me ever since we met.”

“What? I was mean to you? You started it!”

You realise how childish you sound, but it really is his fault.

Isn’t it?

“No, you did. Don’t you remember? Crys introduced us at that weird western bar, and you wouldn’t even talk to me the whole night, only the other guys.”

You can’t believe that his view on the night you met is so different from yours.

“I tried to! But every time I said anything to you, you looked at me like I was stupid and continued playing candy crush on your phone, and when-”

“I did not!” he cuts you off.

“Yes, you did! And I felt so rejected ‘cause I thought you were soooo hot and when I asked if anyone wanted to dance and looked at you only, you just grunted and left to get a drink!”

Fuck. You did not just say that

You did not just admit to Luke that you think he’s hot

He seems to have noticed, too, a smug grin playing on his pretty pink lips.

“You think I’m hot?”

“Thought. Past tense,” you dryly correct him, already growing annoyed at him again. Scratch everything you’ve though tonight about him not being as bad as you thought. He’s still an ass

“Sure about that, babe?”

His arrogant tone sets you off, making you abruptly stand up from your mattress.

“Don’t you fucking babe me, Hemmings. I’m not one of your goddamn groupies.”

Your words are spiteful, eyes blazing, and you enjoy seeing him squirm. He soon regains his confidence though, eyes cocky as they lock with yours.

“Just admit it, and I’ll show you a good time. We have all night, babe.”

You look at him with disbelief, and you see it in his face that he knows he’s crossed the line. Big time.

“I’d rather die, thank you.”

And you turn on your heel, ignoring his calls for you as you slam the door to your room behind you.

Normally, you’re down for weird, sexual jokes, but this one, with Luke, crosses the line. It’s a mix of tiredness, your low energy level making you react more extremely to things you wouldn’t be bothered by normally, and the fact that you finally bared yourself to Luke, and he was a dick about it.

To your own surprise, you feel your eyes turning wet.

You know you’re overreacting, and that it’s a stupid little thing, but when he knocks on your door, you still yell at him to go away.

Nonetheless, he doesn’t. Instead, he closes the door quietly behind him and walks over to where you sit on your bed.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. For being a dick. An utter, complete dick.”

You can’t help but laugh at his choice of words, but because you’re crying, it sounds more like a grunt.

“Can I sit down?” he then requests, voice apologetic and gentle.

You nod, trying to dry your eyes with the back of your hands.

“It’s alright,” you hiccup, “‘m just overreacting.”

He shakes his head, removing your hands from your face and taking them in his instead, “No, you’re not. I dunno why I said those things, but you have every right to be mad and hurt by it.”

Perhaps he’s not as big an idiot as you thought. Also, is it just you or are his hands really soft? Like, not soft-soft, because his fingertips are a bit rough, probably caused by playing guitar, but the warmth of his hands is really nice against yours

Shit, your emotions are a rollercoaster today. Must be the whole snowed-in thing

“‘s just been a weird day, I guess,” you assure him, when you’ve got your sobbing under control.

“It really has,” he giggles, and you’re surprised by how cute it sounds.

There are so many parts of him. The cocky, mean one he usually is around you. The confident, talented, charismatic one you’ve seen him transform into on stage. The beautiful, funny one you’ve met today along with the cute, clumsy one that’s also peaked up today.

You definitely like the two latter best.

“I’m already cold again. Can we go back to the hearth and forget this ever happened?”

He nods, relieved, and lets go of one of your hands when he stands up. However, he still has hold of one of them, guiding you back. It feels a bit sweaty, but you don’t mind. At all. Actually, it’s nice and gives you a calm feeling in your stomach. Like everything’s going to be ok, and your friends will reach you soon.

And like there’s a small part of you that hopes they won’t get here too fast.

But nobody needs to know that

He only lets you go once you’ve returned to your mattresses, but then you stand up again.

He looks at you like one big question mark, and if you weren’t so exhausted from all the crying and fighting and general weird things today, you would have laughed.

“I need to brush my teeth.”

He nods, standing up as well and following close behind you on the way to the bathroom.

Should you take his hand? You want to take it, but would it make things weird?

Before you’ve decided on anything, though, you’ve reached the bathroom.

“‘m jus’ gonna go get my toothbrush from the other bathroom,” he states, quickly disappearing and then reappearing just as fast.

You’re the first one to make a weird face in the mirror, causing him to crack up laughing and spit toothpaste on the mirror which only makes you laugh so hard you almost swallow all your own toothpaste. Then, it becomes a contest to see who can keep a straight face when the other makes a particularly ugly grimace.

When you’ve finally spit out in the sink, your body feels relaxed and your eyes shine with amusement.

This mess definitely hasn’t been as bad as you thought it’d be.

You both crawl underneath your blankets after he has put more fire in the hearth to prevent it from dying.

You pull the blanket up, so it rests right beneath your eyes, returning the stare he shoots you.

“This has been a surprisingly not-awful day,” he admits, words making you laugh.

His face is lit up by the fire, painting his face with golden light while his lower body is shadowed. The colour makes him look almost angelic, like a sunset. He’s even more beautiful than normally.

You just hope you don’t have to pee tonight, because the fire is your only source of light.

“Yeah. ‘s been alright, actually. The lasagne was shit, though.”

He chuckles, “True, but it was almost as shitty yesterday, though. Michael’s just a really bad cook.”

“You’re one to talk,” you tease, knowing that Luke is, by far, the biggest mess in a kitchen.

“Hey! I actually don’t burn toast anymore!”

You erupt into a fit of laughter, his faked hurt and angry expression only making you laugh harder.

“My- stomach- hurts-” you gasp, still laughing.

“I think you’re overtired,” he says, smiling wryly at you once you’ve finally calmed down.

His words make you yawn, and then he giggles.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he whispers, voice silky smooth.

“Goodnight, Luke.”

You close your eyes, still feeling the flames on your eyelids. It’s surprisingly nice to lay beside Luke, listening to his breathing and letting it lull you to sleep.

But just as you begin to drift up, Luke’s low voice wakes you, “Y/N? You awake?”

You release a yawn, eyes fluttering open.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

The silence takes over for a few seconds, before he continues, voice low and unsure, “What if we never get out?”

His words make you wake up completely, heart skipping a beat at the vulnerable tone of his voice. He, who always sounds so sure, now needs your assurance. Before today, you probably wouldn’t have granted it to him, but now, everything feels different.

“We will, Luke. I promise.”

You try to make your voice sound as sure and stern as possible and hope it helps him. In reality, none of you can promise anything related to the weather. You can just hope. But deep inside, you have a feeling this won’t get too serious. That your friends will save you soon, and that removes the fear.

“No, but what if we die in here? We don’t have wood or food enough for weeks. Perhaps a couple days, but not weeks.”

He sounds like a little boy scared of monsters, and your heart clenches at the sound. You don’t know him well enough to decide what will comfort him best, if he needs a touch or words or to talk about something else.

“I promise we’ll be fine,” you try, voice soothing, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. And it is scary, but you can’t really do anything but try to think of something else. Besides, you don’t remember hearing about anyone dying after being snowed in. Worst case, you’ll probably be stuck inside for a couple days and then come out, just a little hungry and tired. At least you won’t be dehydrated with all the snow.

“‘m just so scared. I don’t wanna die in here, Y/N,” he cries out, voice trembling.

Words apparently don’t help him much, so you decide to try a different path.

You lift off your blanket and pat the empty space on your mattress. He tilts his head, probably trying to figure out if you’re serious or not. He seems to decide your expression looks sincere and crawls away from his mattress to yours, sitting down at the verge of it.

He seems unsure of what to do with himself, lanky legs hitting his own mattress as he stretches them out.

“Lay down,” you mutter, watching him grow even more tense before he lays down his back, whole body stiff.

Have you crossed the line? Is this too much?

You decide to put the doubting thoughts to the back of your head and instead just ask him.

“Is this alright?” you question as you gently turn him around to face you.

He nods, Adam’s apple bobbing lightly. His blue eyes lock with yours, the usual icy colour softened and warmed by the flames. Now, they look like a cloudless summer sky.

You reach out, tucking a curl behind his ear. His breath hitches in his throat when your fingertips come in contact with the soft skin behind his ear, index finger lightly tracing down.

You don’t realize you’ve held your own breath as well before he suddenly, like snapping out of trance, reaches out and tugs you closer. His arm drapes across your hip, hand pressed against the swell of your back, and you have to remind yourself to breathe.

As you lay there and look at each other, legs touching, warm breaths colliding and his fingers gently caressing your back, you can see how his breathing pattern slows, and he calms down until it almost sounds like he’s asleep.

You can’t help but look at him, take in every small detail of his appearance.

His curls are a frazzled mess, but he is still beautiful. So unfairly beautiful and cuddly and gorgeous, pale skin contrasting to the grey of his hoodie.

Without thinking, you grab the string coming from neck of the fabric, considering pulling it and strangling him a little, but then deciding to put up his nose instead.

He throws his head back at the sudden sensation, then laughing.

“Weirdo,” he mutters, but his tone sounds so affectionate you feel your heart skip a beat.

He then grabs a tuft of your hair and places it over your lips, creating a moustache. You pout your lips and enjoy the way he laughs, eyes squeezed shut and dimples clear on his cheeks.

You’ve never really been close enough to him to properly see the freckles that adorn his face, but this close, they only add to his charm.

Everything about him does

“Your eyes are really blue,” you state.

Why the fuck do you say stupid stuff like that? You and your big mouth

He chuckles, a content smile on his lips even after the laughter have died down.

“And yours are really pretty,” he sheepishly compliments you, and you feel your cheeks heat up.

Stupid hormones

“’m really glad you think I’m hot, Y/N,” he admits, referring to your earlier confession.

“I thought we were done talking ‘bout that!” you protest, hitting his chest lightly and hiding your face in the grey fabric of his hoodie.

“You didn’t let me finish, wombat,” he jokes, repeating his earlier ‘nickname’ for you and gently pushing you away from his chest so you’re facing each other again.

However, his tone has shifted majorly, the playful one gone and replaced by a more serious, perhaps even nervous one, “I’m glad you think I’m hot, Y/N. Because, ever since the day I met you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how stupidly pretty and funny and amazing you are,” he pauses, visibly swallowing, “And it absolutely killed me that you always seemed to hate me.”

“You did act like an asshole, though,” you remind, earning a small nervous chuckle from him.

He bites his lip, seemingly awaiting your answer.

“But I’ve felt the same way. And today, I dunno, it’s been nice. We’ve spent so much time hating each other, but I really hope we can stay friends after this.”

Friends

You taste the word, feeling it turn bitter on your tongue. You don’t want to be just friends with Luke.

He retreats a bit, looking hurt and insecure and rejected, and it makes your skin itch. The tall, broad man across you shrinks to a little nervous boy under your eyes, and you hate it. You hate that you’ve somehow made him uncomfortable, and you hate that you hate it so much. But what you hate the most is the fact that you can no longer hide the fact that Luke is fascinating to you. And that you care for him.

“Yeah,” he mutters, biting his lip and looking down, “Friends.”

“Have I said something wrong?” you whisper, slowly stretching out your hand to touch his chest through the soft fabric.

Your fingertips trace light patterns on it as a breath hitches in his throat.

“Think it’ll kill me to be just friends with you, to be honest,” he admits, voice thick and vulnerable.

The confession makes your cheek heat up, matching the warmth that spreads through your stomach, but there’s still a doubting voice in the back of your head reminding you that this man despised you until a couple hours ago. And if his negative feelings through years can change this fast, these new positive one can as well.

You think your heart will break if that happens.

“We don’t even know each other, though. This is the first time we’ve even talked,” you argue, voice week and unsure. Because, damn, you want to give in, to melt into his touch, his lips, and bury your hands in his curly locks and feel his warm breath on your neck and-

Wow, Y/N, calm down

“Dunno ‘bout you, but I’ve been watching you for years,” he starts, eyes suddenly widening, “In a very non-stalkery way, I swear!”

You giggle, getting his point but still liking the way he trips over his own words. It’s adorable.

He clears his throat, shooting you a small tentative smile.

“‘m just trying to say that I know you, Y/N, at least a bit. I know you like waking up a bit early, even on weekends, so you have the whole day in front of you. I know you like making sarcastic remarks and that you write in your spare time. I know you like experimenting with clothes and hairstyles, that you used to be a fan before you met us, that you draw real’ shitty and that you did a lot of sport before moving here.”

You can’t believe he’s picked up on so many things.

“I probably know a lot more about you, and there’s surely twice as much I don’t know, but ‘m just sayin’ that I want to get to know you. And that everything I’ve learned so far has only made me like you more.”

You don’t think after that. Instead, you move your head forward in one swift movement, clearly catching Luke off guard when you press your lips against his. However, he quickly catches up and moves his mouth in sync with yours, letting your tongue part his lips and swirl around his own. It’s a hungry, almost aggressive kiss, and you fight for dominance while rolling around so you’re straddling him.

He tastes like toothpaste with a hint of lasagne, and his lips are a little chapped but feel amazing against yours.

If someone had told you just hours again that this would happen, you would have shaken your head and called them insane. Now, the only one you’d consider calling that is yourself for not doing this sooner.

Why have you been so stupid?

“Wow,” he mutters when you part, smiling sheepishly and biting his lip. You watch as it turns pink when his teeth let go, barely fighting the urge to be the one to bite them instead.

“Before I kiss you again, I’ll just say that I second everything. And that you won’t get rid of me anytime soon, little scout.”

You pinch his cheek at your last words, making him laugh, teeth spread in a tired, happy grin. His fingers slip under your (or perhaps you should say his) shirt and bury themselves into the soft skin beside your hips which causes you to hiss and then kiss him feverishly.

He gently shoves you away to look at you with a playful twinkle in his eyes.

“You could’ave just told me you were into roleplay, scout leader,” he teases with a wink.

“Shut up and kiss me, stupid boy scout.”

He follows orders and lifts his head to reach your lips, nails dipping deeper into your skin in the process. In response, you reach under his hoodie and place your hand on his stomach, feeling the warm skin on his defined abs.

Your hands trail all over his abdomen, living out fantasies you’ve hidden for the past many years as you feel him tense under your touch, muscles flexing and growing harder.

But it’s not enough for you.

You break the kiss apart once more to pull at the hoodie, waiting for him to lift his back and head off the mattress so you can remove it completely.

First, he looks questioningly at you, until the tug at the bottom of the fabric finally makes sense to him and the inquiring expression turning into an excited one.

When he’s finally shirtless, a shadow of insecurity dances across his face for just a few moments.

“Could look at this forever,” you praise him, seeing how he relaxes and untenses at your comment.

“‘s not fair ‘m the only one not wearing a shirt,” he murmurs, winking cheekily at you.

“Why don’t you do something about it then?”

He mutters something under his breath, Adam’s apple bobbing and his swallowing visible. Then, he grabs the hem of your shirt and lifts it up, cursing when it gets stuck.

You giggle before wiggling out of it, cheeks heating up under his eyes that fixate on your breasts as you throw it across the floor.

“Holy fuck,” he groans, throwing his head back so the prominent vein on his neck becomes even more visibly. “You’ll be the death of me, sweetheart.”

You can’t control the smile that creeps onto your face at the nickname, leaning down to kiss him again, chest pressed against his. His tongue explores your mouth, gracing over your teeth, and you moan at the sensation before he-

“We’re back guys! Hope you’re both alive!” Ashton yells, sounding like he jumps the three feet from the front door to the living room where you and Luke lie.

“Fuck, shit, fuck, damn, shit,” Luke swears, looking at you with wide eyes but besides that lying almost frozen in his position.

“Where you’re hidin- oh.”

Ashton stops in his tracks, eyeing you with wide eyes, clearly taken back. Then he turns around, trying to give you privacy as you search for a least something to cover your upper body.

“Don’t come in here, guys! They’re not exactly safe for work,” Ashton yells, chuckling along with his last words.

Lame

You gain hold of Luke’s grey hoodie, pulling it over your head as fast as possible. Your cheeks are basically burning, and when you look at Luke who’s now sitting up after you’ve rolled down from him, his whole upper chest is painted pink, the colour going all the way up his neck to his face.

“You can look now,” you assure them, trying to raise your voice but feeling it wavering.

Ashton slowly turns around and the others step in, eyeing you carefully and puzzled.

“What’s going on?” Crystal softly asks, cocking her head to the side and then noticing Luke’s bare torso and how you both are blushing messes. “Have you? Did you?” She starts, clearly not knowing what to think.

And you get it. You really do. When they left, not more than seven hours ago, you were begging her to take you with them so you wouldn’t have to spend time with Luke and now, they’ve caught you red-handed.

“Whose shirt is this? Pretty sure I’ve seen both of you wearing it,” Calum asks, holding up the band tee you discarded not more than five minutes ago. “Have this been going on for some time?”

You quickly shake your head, “No! No, nothing’s happened between us, I swear!”

You look at Luke through the corner of your eye, seeing the way he tenses at your words, and you curse yourself far away.

Well done, Y/N

“I’m gonna go put on a shirt,” Luke mutters, standing up and walking out of the room with his head bowed.

You decide to follow him, running after him like a lost puppy as you yell, “Luke, please wait! I didn’t- Luke, just wait, let’s talk!”

He stops in the hallway, looking back at you over his shoulder. It seems like he’s debating whether to hear you out or not, but then he bites his lip before walking into his room, letting the door stay open.

You take it as an invite to come in and gently close the door behind you, leaning against its cold frame.

“That came out wrong, ‘m sorry.”

He snorts, rummaging through his suitcase and then throwing on a plain black shirt. But he doesn’t say anything.

“Luke, I meant everything I said today. This has changed everything between us and I’m glad it has, but I still need to adjust to it, and I just didn’t know if this was the right time to tell everything to our friends.” You walk away from the door, stepping closer to him and lowering your voice when you continue, “I think I just wanted to enjoy it myself before having to share it with anyone.”

He finally smiles, but still doesn’t look 100% convinced. It’s funny, how you until today thought he was this overly confident and self-assured prick while he’s just as insecure and self-doubting as any other at the age of twenty-something.

“But you’re right. I don’t think we have a choice but to tell them. And perhaps it’s better anyway, to get it over with now instead of dealing with it later.”

“Later? You mean?”

You nod, smiling. “I told you, Luke. You’re not getting rid of me.”

You kiss him, this time gently and carefully, trying to savour the feeling of his lips against yours and the way you can smell his cologne along with a little hint of sweat and musky boy.

“Unless you want to, of course,” you quickly add, causing him to shake his head.

“They deserve to wait a couple minutes, don’t they?” he whispers, looking at your eyes and then down at your lips. And then he kisses you again, and you can’t believe how it still feels just as amazing as it did the first time.

Yeah. No harm in letting them wait a little.

[ut-paper-story]

Undertale: PaperStory - Hotland Story

(I have decided to split Hotland and the CORE into separate story parts so as to not make the post like a million words long. I apologize for the inconveniences this may cause.)

Here you’ll find: -Beginning -Hotland  -MTT Hotel & Restaurant

Ruins | Snowdin | Waterfall | CORE | New Home | Post Neutral | The End

-Beginning-

After having barely escaped Undyne's wrath, the group takes a small break by the water dispenser, and have some water before continuing on. It is then that Paper notices that Chara has finally appeared again, where were they?! Chara doesn't really bother explaining, so Paper doesn't ask... Cue Stemphany tries to lead the group to the elevator, but then the blocking beam appears.

"WeLL, OkAY then." The crew tries to have Kongo fly everyone over it, and it works!.... Except, the elevator doesn't work. So much for that plan.

The crew walk into the lab, and they spot Alphys, the Royal Scientist, currently bickering with Mettaton about wall-related topics. When Paper and his friends try to get the duo's attention, Alphys and Mettaton awkwardly turn at the group, and Mettaton suddendly is like "..." "OH SHOOT, I ALMOST FORGOT, I NEED TO GO SET UP A DRAMATIC BATTLE SOMEWHERE ELSE. TODDLES!" And he just ditches Alphys and leaves her to try and make sense of what just happened.

Alphys introduces herself, and explains that that was Mettaton. "I-It's likely you guys know him..." She mentions to Paper's partners. (Theoretically, depending on your active partner, there'll be a different reaction. Kongo doesn’t care, and Merry’s just not a fan. Stemphany loves MTT tho.) Alphys upgrades Paper's phone, and sends the crew on its way, and warns them about the danger that is Mettaton.

-Hotland-

All in all, hotland does stay relatively the same. At least, up until you arrive at the first show: Cooking with a killer robot! In this show, there's no jetpack, but napstablook is going to be the cake tester! The crew must put together a cake to cheer up this SAD, SAD GHOST ;-;. You only get one try to make the cake, and napstablook will either give you a smile of approval, OR... dissapear through the ground because paper's baking skills are debatable at best. Should the latter happen, Mettaton will ask you to get an ingredient for him, as he will make the cake so that it doesn't actually kill ghosts, which will lead into the jetpack minigame.

The bomb game has the added twist that you have to actually fight off the bombs, not just deactivate them. And the final bomb becomes a mini boss whose timer you have to increase to be able to beat it, think King Bob Omb from Paper Jam. Once the crew manage to defeat the bomb bot, Mettaton opens a trap door under their foot, and make them fall into a deeper, hotter cavern section of hotland.

The area is a dungeon-like section, and there are torches that need to be lightened up. Somehow, though, they were already turned on when they got here... They decide not to think too hard about it, and keep going forward. Eventually, though, they come across Pyre whilst in the middle of trying to reach out for a flame a bit too high up for her liking. The crew approach Pyre, and he asks "How'd you guys end here? I was just trying to get home and chill out. You know, playing games, eating sweet coal... But then the trap door just, opened out of nowhere!" The little flame seems a bit exasperated, and she asks the crew for help which, Paper and the crew accept to do.

* Pyre has joined your party!

Pyre can light up torches, melt snow and ice, and can do stylish moves much more easily.

With the little one's flames, and the crew's skills, they manage to open the staircase that leads to the exit. Merry seems kind of cautious, since Mettaton could be just around the corner, to which Pyre is like "Wait, you guys are with METTATON?!" Paper is like "Well yes, but--" and Pyre instantly joins the party for real despite them telling him that MTT's kind of out for Paper.

The crew arrive into Mettaton sing along musical, Paper surprisingly seems to get stage fright, so he tries to hide behind mettaton for most of it. Meanwhile, Pyre is just dancing along with Mettaton- much to the robot's surprise. After the song ends, it leads into the tile puzzle section, but THIS time, Paper can't just fly over it with Kongo, as the ceiling was brought down a bit. He's gonna have to do it legit. He obviously fails, and it leads into a fight against MTT. Which is short lived because of the yellow mode. Pyre is not happy with Paper for having """defeated""" MTT, meanwhile Paper just feels something is off.

-MTT Hotel & Resort-

The crew arrive over to the hotel's doors, and what do you know- Sans is standing by the entrance. He offers the crew a nice meal, which Paper agrees to almost inmediately- so the gang kind of just follows as well. They all go inside the restaurant, and have a relatively nice meal. After they finish eating, Sans asks Paper to go out with him for a moment. Paper's a bit weirded out, but agrees to anyhow.

Once in the bridge that connects hotland to the CORE, Sans asks whether or not going back "home" really is worth it. He's got friends, food, and he could offer a place to stay... Paper nods, he is very well aware of that, but he'd rather be back on the surface. Sans just sighs, and shrugs. "welp, i tried." he says. He then goes on to talk about his relationship with the old lady behind the big door in the Ruins, and yada yada yada.

After their chat is over, Paper and Sans make their way back with the gang, who's almost done eating. And then Sans lays the bone-chilling question:

"so, who's gonna pay for all o' this? i only offered you to come, i never said i'd pay."

Everyone stays dead silent for a good bit, but Sans laughs his ass off, as he then says that he'll pay for them. The crew sighs in relief, and a bit later, the skeleton makes his way out of the restaurant, wishing good luck to the team. After they're all well rested, the group packs up their stuff, and heads into the CORE...

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 2x08 Into the Deep

Oh my God this scene with wet!Hook is so hott. Have I mentioned I kinda ship Captain of Hearts romantically? Not like in a serious relationship but ya know, they totally did the do  ;).

I have no idea if Hook is lying to Cora about his intentions being to bring the bean to her.

I love dark scenes. I just love the dark, okay?

Hook, I’m pretty sure Cora could kill you in seconds if she wanted to. She took down a whole bunch of people in the safe haven!

“We can discuss this,” he says giving her the sexy eye. I just know these two did more than just plot revenge!

Wow that’s some powerful magic! She’s holding only one heart and yet she is controlling all of them at once. I forgot just how powerful Cora was. And holy cow, is she bringing the dead “back to life”? That would mean what Whale did could be accomplished by magic alone with the right sorcerer.

I wonder if MM and Emma ever thought they would be stuck in the EF forever.

Holy sugar, I’m so glad I no longer believe in hell because that room scared the sugar out of me before! How awful would it be to be trapped their for an extended length of time? How awful would it be to return their in your nightmares?

Bless David and Regina, watching over Henry as he sleeps to make sure he’s okay. That’s me when my doggy, Happi has nightmares.

Look I’m a vegetarian, but I gotta admit, replace the meet with some veggie burgers and those burgers and huge ass chips look yummy!

I wonder what happened with Granny and Rumple for her to have a complicated relationship with him.  

Ketchup is definitely some powerful magic. Rumples voice: “It can make any food, nasty or otherwise, taste delicious.”

Have I mentioned I love Aurora’s outfit and I love that she has a purple dress ‘cause they mixed pink and blue!

Lol. Aurora is me in a forest getting caught on thinks. Actually never mind a forest, the amount of door handles I’ve been attacked by would frighten you.

You go Aurora! It’s so kind of her to do whatever she can to help MM and Emma.

Mr. Gold: “Once upon a time, Snow White and Prince Charming needed to stun a very powerful magician, long enough to lock him up in a dark dungeon.” Henry: “That was you. They used Cinderella to trap you with a magic quill.” Season one feels! I’m enjoying season two but my god, season one is just so special to me!

Once upon a time having giant squids is so taken from Harry Potter. I recently found out that giant squids aren’t mythical. They actually exist!

Mulan stroking Aurora’s forehead!! My sleeping Warrior heart!! Mulan deserved to be with Aurora. And now she’s tucking her in! Oh my god, help!!!!

The way Aurora spins up from the fire is so scary!

Oh snap! Cora’s minion’s! Seriously how did she do that??! They’re like inferi or something they are invincible. That must have been a really powerful spell!

Mulan crying for Aurora will be the death of me!

Ow! Poor Henry! As someone who got burnt on the foot by scolding hot water as a child, trust me that freaking hurts! I was in and out of hospital for months though. Henry sure healed quick! Oh yeah, magic!

Aurora’s being so brave! I freaking love her development!

Yes Aurora! You step on Cora’s foot with all your might!

“I’m not as stupid as you think, nor are my loyalties so easily bought.” What a gal!

Hey! Don’t hurt Aurora!

Tehe. How does one learn to speak bird. Does MM teach that at the school. Oh my God, imagine school in Storybrooke. Imagine if they teach magic there! Forget Hogwarts! I wanna go to Storybrooke high! So many fan fiction possibilities!

I think Cora is partly based on Maleficent with her black bird.

“I climbed a beanstalk for this, you go get your own!” Emma and Mulan being grown-ass adults.

Oh yeah, Gold healed Henry’s arm super quick! That makes sense.

David knows MM so well. Excuse me while I cry in snowing feels.

Sleeping hook! I shipped this for a while but I prefer Warrior Royals and Sleeping Warrior. I’m still working out my otp for original Hook.

Hook is playing a clever game here. I remember he took Aurora’s heart.

Is Hook being genuine with his message to Emma? I think he was trying to leave his options open.

I love when MM says things like, “if there’s one thing your father’s taught me it’s not to give up.” It reminds me of the family Emma has finally gained after all those years alone.

So that’s how you create a sleeping curse. Why couldn’t Regina have made that instead of stealing it from Maleficent and using that apple.

The EF definitely needed a school for magic. It could have saved Regina from seeking out Rumple.

Aww. Grandpa Charming hug!

It’s true, faith does run in their family.

Wait, I know time runs differently in the EF but is it really a good idea to send MM to sleep in the day?

David in the dark, what more could I ask for? I love the look of this place with the mirrors and the torch, It would be so creepy to be there alone.

Is he really holding that torch?!

Do not put that flame so near to your face!!

David is a clever boy figuring that out. I’d be stuck in that dark room forever. To be honest, the dark room is much more appealing than the fiery one.

Damn! Is the funky necklace broken?! He needed that.

MM angry

David always giving Snow hope <3 I love them so much!

Poor David’s all alone in that fiery room for God knows how long.

Mulan!!

The women are so powerful in this show, which I freaking love! You go Cora!

Cora revealing Hook’s chest with his Hook xD!!

O-oh! Cora’s got control of Aurora!

[sanders-specs]

Christmas Roadtrip

Prompt: Christmas Prompt time! Logince fic human au where Roman is a broadway star who lives in Florida with his husband Logan and their son Thomas. Roman is trapped in New York on the day before Christmas Eve because a snow storm has cancelled all flights for the next week. He crashes in his New York apt resigned to a lonely Christmas. Then Logan crams all the Christmas decorations into their car with thomas and drives to New York to surprise him. (Bonus points if you can squeeze in Patton and Virgil)

A/N: So this is a prompt that I got last year, but I didn’t have a chance to get to it, so i wrote it this year! I’m pretty sure it was an anon who sent it, but if not I’m sorry if i forgot your username! Still, I hope you enjoy! 

Parings: Logince, Moxiety 

Warnings: loneliness (i can’t think of anything else, but if you need me to tag something, let me know!) 

Read on Ao3

tag list:   @tripleaaaqueer @lilbeanblr @helloisthisusernametaken @justanotherpurplebutterfly @alwaysmy-lilith @ilylogan @logically-trans @seas-space-and-stardust @generalfandomfabulousness @arentordinaryvillainsadorable @nico-holly

“Thomas? Thomas, where are you?” Logan called, poking his head into each of the rooms in their house. His son wasn’t in his room, nor was he in the living room or kitchen.

Down the hall, Logan noticed a door cracked open. He walked over to it and started to pull it open, but a shrill voice stopped him. “No! don’t look!”

Logan froze, frowning. “Thomas, what are you doing in the attic?”

“I’m wrapping your’s and Papa’s Christmas presents!” Thomas called back down. “You can’t see! It’s a surprise.”

Logan chuckled, shaking his head.  “Well if you don’t want to talk to Papa then I’ll leave you alone…” Logan turned to walk away, but in no time, he heard footsteps running down the stairs of the attic. A moment later, Thomas burst through the door, his face alight. There was a bow stuck to his face, and some tape scattered on his clothes, but he didn’t seem to notice or care.

Logan followed him to the living room, where the laptop was already set up. Logan had just barely reached him before Thomas was clicking on the call button.

“Wait for me, you impatient child,” Logan said, ruffling Thomas’s hair. He sits down on the couch just as Roman’s face popped up.

“There are the beautiful faces of my son and husband,” Roman said.

“Hi Papa!” Thomas said, waving excitedly. “I was just wrapping your present, just how you taught me!”

“Excellent!” Roman exclaimed. “It’s always good to put your practices to work, little prince.”

Thomas beamed at that, and Logan couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiasm Thomas had. Roman was a never ending supporter of anything creative and as a result, Thomas had one of the biggest imaginations Logan had ever known. Logan wouldn’t be surprised if the presents Thomas was wrapping didn’t have some…interesting methods to it.

“Earth to Logan…” Roman said, and Logan blinked as he came back to the present. Both Roman and Thomas were looking at him curiously.

“Are you okay Dad?” Thomas asked.

Logan smiled and brushed some shredded wrapping paper out of Thomas’s hair. “Just got lost in thought for a moment.” He looked over at Roman, who had a soft smile on his lips as he watched them. “What were you saying, Ro?”

“Hmmm? Oh right,” Roman said, snapping out of his own trance. “I was asking how things where there.”

“Uncle Patton and Uncle Virgil took me shopping yesterday,” Thomas informed him. “We went to the mall and saw all the big Christmas decorations! They wanted me to go see Santa but…” Thomas blushed and looked down. Logan smiled, putting his hands on Thomas’s shoulders and bring him in for a hug. “I’m not brave enough without you here, Papa,” Thomas muttered.

Roman looked as if he were about to die from a thousand emotions at once, but at a look from Logan, he cleared his throat and said calmly, “You are brave enough little prince! Santa is no harm to you, and with your dad and uncles there, no one can harm you.”

Thomas pouted. “But it’s not the same without you.”

As ridiculous Logan thought it was that Thomas seemed to think that Logan or Patton and Virgil would ever let anything happen to him, he didn’t try to correct his son. He knew that the only reason Thomas refused to see Santa this year was because Roman wasn’t there to take him. It had been their tradition for years, Logan not liking the crowded mall or dozens of other kids.  He’d tried to cajole Thomas into going this year, but his son was having none of it.

“I’m sorry buddy,” Roman said with slumped shoulders. “Next year, we’ll go twice!”

Thomas’s head tilted a little. “Next year?”

Logan frowned. “Roman, what are you talking about?” he asked. “There should still be plenty of time to go see Santa by the time you get here.”

“AH, well,” Roman rubbed the back of his neck, “They’re saying that it’s supposed to snow pretty hard the day I’m supposed to leave. They’re not sure if any flights will be able to go out. Or how long afterward flights will be delayed.”

It took a moment for those words to sink in for Thomas. “You’re…you’re not going to be home for Christmas?”

Logan started panicking slightly as tears welled up in Thomas’s eyes, and he could see it mirrored in Roman’s face. “No! I mean, of course I will! I’ll make it to you two if it’s the last thing I do! You know New York this time of the year, you never know what’ll happen!”

Logan could hear the forced cheer in his voice, the lie behind all of his words. Yes, he did know New York this time of the year, and more often than not, it was covered in snow or freezing rain. He didn’t say anything, though, because the last thing he wanted to do was make the situation worse.

He could tell that Thomas didn’t believe Roman either, though, because all he did was nod and say, “Okay Papa…I have to go finish wrapping the presents.”

Roman kept a smile on his face. “Alright buddy, I’ll call later tonight to read you a story, okay?”

Thomas only nodded and left. Logan watched him leave, and he didn’t say anything until the door to the attic shut behind him.

“Is he gone?”

“Yeah.”

Roman buried his head in his hands, muttering to himself. Logan frowned. “You’re really not going to be able to get here in time for Christmas, are you?”

“There’s always a chance the weather won’t be as bad as they say it will and I’ll be able to get out of here,” Roman said, but even he sounded doubtful.

Logan sighed. “Why didn’t you get an earlier flight like I suggested?”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Fiona scheduled last minute rehearsals, I couldn’t just skip them!”

Logan held up his hand. “You mean…you picked extra rehearsals over your own family?”

Roman’s face went pale and he tried to speak again, stumbling over his words. “I…No…I mean,” Roman shook his head. “No, I didn’t. She scheduled them a while ago, and everyone thought that we’d have time, even her! I never mentioned it because I didn’t think that it would be a big deal.”

“Well, it is Roman.”

“I know that!” he shook his head. “Lo, honey, please, I hate this as much as you do. The last thing I want to do is spend Christmas away from you and Thomas. I can’t just skip out though. You know as well as I do that we need the money.”

Logan sighed and crossed his arms. He hated it when Roman was right.

The money was necessary, though, which was the whole reason Roman was in New York in the first place. They knew that this would run into Christmas, yet Logan had convinced him to take the part anyway. Logan’s teaching job wasn’t exactly paying all of the bills, after all. They’d even kept Roman’s flights back home to a minimum. Logan had even convinced him not to come home for his birthday the month before, as much as Roman had wanted to. He’d been planning on seeing him at Christmas.

“Lo?”

Logan blinked and refocused on Roman. He hadn’t realized he’d zoned out again.

Roman smiled when Logan looked back at him. “I love you.”

Closing his eyes, Logan sighed. “I love you too.”

“If I can’t get there for Christmas, I’ll make sure to be there for New Years,” Roman said, his voice soft and reassuring, “promise.”

Logan nodded, wanting very badly for that to be true. However, he knew that if the weather was going to be bad by Christmas, it wouldn’t be any better by New Years.

“Hey, I know that look, that’s your overthinking look, that look isn’t allowed in this situation.”

“You can’t ban a look, Roman.”

“I can and I did.” Roman crossed his arms and smirked at him. “I gotta get to the theater, I’ll call you tonight?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Roman blew him a kiss. “I love you, miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

Roman gave him a small smile before ending the call.

Logan sat on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. Thomas was fast asleep in bed, a story from his clearly exhausted Papa was the best thing to get him to sleep at a decent time. Logan only wished that it didn’t deprive Roman of even more sleep. His husband was resilient though, and he never missed a bedtime story, not matter what.

His bedroom was too quiet, too…empty. Roman always made any room he was in light and lively, and without him it was like the entire house was still, waiting for his return. Or maybe that was just Logan missing him too much. Logically he knew that the house could not miss someone, and that this room was the same that it had always been. Patton had explained to him that it was just Logan missing Roman, that it was normal.

Logan sighed and closed his eyes. It had been exactly 156 days, 8 hours, and 21 minuets since Roman left. He hadn’t been home in nearly three months, and Logan felt his absence more and more every single day.

“Dad?”

Logan sat up and swiped at his eyes—when had he started crying?—and looked towards his bedroom door. Thomas stood in the doorway, looking a little bashful.

“Thomas, what are you doing out of bed? Are you okay?” Logan asked, getting up and walking over to him, assessing him for any injury.

“M’ fine,” Thomas muttered, rubbing his eyes. “Can I sleep in your bed?”

Logan let out a breath and gave his son a small smile. “Of course. Are you sure you’re okay though? You haven’t slept in here for a while now.” As he spoke, he picked up Thomas and carried him to the bed, throwing the covers back and tucking him in. Thomas snuggled close to Logan.

“I miss Papa.”

Logan sighed and rubbed Thomas’s back. “I miss him too.”

Thomas looked up at him. “If Papa can’t come here for Christmas, can we go to New York?”

Startled, Logan peered down at his son. “I…well, I don’t know. If the weather is so bad that even the airport isn’t sending out planes, the roads might be too bad to drive on.”

“But what if we got there before the snow?” Thomas asked. “We could do that couldn’t we?’

Logan thought about it for a moment. “Conceivably,” he concedes. “However, there is a matter of…” he hesitated. He didn’t want Thomas to worry about money so early in his life, he didn’t deserve that. “Santa. How will he know that we aren’t home on Christmas Eve?”

“He’ll know. He’s Santa,” Thomas said, as if this should be obvious.

“Right, of course,” Logan said, smiling slightly. “I will have to think about it.”

That seemed to satisfy Thomas enough, because he lied back down and was asleep within moments.

“I just don’t know. I mean, driving all the way to New York?” Logan said to Patton and Vigil the next day. They were all sitting in a café while Thomas was over at his friend Joan’s house.

“Well Roman might not be able to fly out here, but couldn’t you fly there?” Virgil asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“No…I doubt Thomas will be comfortable with flying without Roman. Besides, he’ll be very upset with me if he misses out on Thomas’s first time on a plane.”

Patton smiled at that. “How sweet.”

Virgil shook his head. “Have you talked to Roman about this?”

“No. I won’t be able to speak with him again until later tonight.” Logan sighed and sat back in his chair. He’d been thinking about Thomas’s proposal all day, and he’d been hoping that speaking with his friends about it would help to bring some form of clarity to the situation, but they weren’t getting anywhere. “I’m also not sure if we’ll have sufficient funds for the kind of trip Thomas wants.”

Patton and Virgil exchange a knowing look. “You’ve already figured out how much it’ll cost, haven’t you?” Patton asked.

“It takes approximately sixteen hours to get from here to New York City. That’s not counting bathroom breaks, food stops, and a possible hotel visit.”

“Not to mention anything unexpected, like a flat tire, or traffic, or a wreck…”

Patton put his hand over Virgil’s. “I think we understand what you mean Virge.”

Virgil shrugged. “Just saying.”

“Yes, thank you Virgil. My point is, the cost of gas and food alone will be a high consideration. As well as a stop at a hotel, because something tells me that driving there without stopping to rest will not be advisable with a seven year old. Especially if I’m the only one driving.” Logan sighs. “I just don’t see how I can pull it off.”

“Lo,” Patton said gently, “could you take a moment and stop thinking through all of this logically and think about what’s best for your family? I mean, all Thomas could talk about was everything he wanted to do with Roman once he got home. When I saw him today…it was like someone sucked all the Christmas joy out of him. He needs to have both of you.”

Logan stared down at his cup. He knew that Patton was right, but…

“I can’t just ignore the costs, Patton,” he said.

Patton only sighed and looked down at his drink.

Later that night, Logan sat alone in his office, going over Thomas’s Christmas list when his phone rang. He smiled when he saw who it was.

“Well this is quite a pleasant surprise. Though it is rather late, shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Logan said by way of answering.

“I could say the same to you,” Roman said, his voice soft. “I just…I needed to hear your voice.”

Logan frowned. “Is everything okay? You sound sad.”

Roman was silent for a moment, then Logan heard him sniff. “I want to come home.”

“I…I know you do,” Logan said, gulping. This wasn’t the first time Roman had called Logan completely homesick, though it hadn’t happened in a few months. The first few weeks he was gone, though, Logan got calls nearly every day.

“Can you just…talk? Please? I don’t care what about, I just want it to feel like…like you’re with me.”

Logan leaned back and closed his eyes. “Of course. I was just looking over Thomas’s Christmas list…”

He talked for a long time, about Thomas, about Patton and Virgil, about anything that came to Logan’s mind. Every now and again he could hear Roman sniffle or laugh, but for the most part he stayed silent. Logan kept talking until he was sure that Roman was asleep.

“I think you’re asleep,” he said, “so I’m going to go. Remember that Thomas and I love you very much. We’ll…we’ll see you soon.”

He was about to hang up when he heard a very softly mumbled “Love you Lo…”

Logan smiled. “Get some rest. Goodnight.” He hit the end call button and sat back, deep in thought.

Then he opened a new tab on his computer and started mapping their trip.

“Dad! Dad! We have an emergency!”

Logan straightened as Thomas came running into his room. “What is it Thomas?”

“Papa doesn’t have any Christmas decorations!” Thomas exclaimed, looking as if this was the most disastrous thing in the world.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked.

Thomas huffed. “I was talking to him and showing him my ornament that I made in class and I asked him where his decorations where and he said that he didn’t have any!”

“Okay, Thomas, first, take a breath.” Logan said, worried about his son passing out on him.

Thomas did as he was told, and Logan sat down on his bed next to his suit case. “So, Papa doesn’t have any decorations at all?”

Thomas shook his head. “He said that he didn’t think he’d need them.”

Logan thought for a moment. “Well…Perhaps we should take ours.”

His son’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Well, they do belong to us, and we never did finish decorating all the way since we were waiting for him to get home,” Logan said, reasoning it out in his own head. “I think that it will make him very happy too.”

Thomas started jumping up and down. “You mean it Dad, you mean it?”

Logan chuckled. “Go start packing them up. I’ll be with you momentarily.”

Thomas grinned and ran out to the living room. Logan smiled as he watched him before he got up to finish packing.  

They were leaving the next day to drive to New York. Logan was expecting it to take at least two days, though if there were no unexpected surprises, then perhaps they could make it in a day and half. He’d made Thomas promise not to say anything to Roman, wanting to surprise him. It had been hard for Logan not to say anything, though, as Roman seemed to get more and more upset every day that the skies in New York darken and the threat of snow grows closer, making the weather prediction accurate. They were already talking about flights being cancelled until after Christmas.

Logan just hoped that they were able to make it in time before the roads got too bad. Living in Florida meant that Logan wasn’t exactly the best at driving in the snow.

“Daaad! I can’t reach the star!”

Logan laughed softly to himself and shook his head as he went to help his son before he ended up breaking anything.

By the time the next morning rolled around, they had the car packed. Between Thomas’s and Logan’s suitcases, all their Christmas decorations (including the fake tree), and the presents, there was hardly any more room. Logan only hoped that they wouldn’t somehow come home with more than they left with.

Once Logan closed the back hatch to the car firmly shut, he turned to Thomas, who looked like he was more than ready to go. “Alright, go inside and use the bathroom before we leave. I want to drive a substantial distance from here before we need to stop.”

Thomas just said, “Okay!” and ran back inside.

Logan sighed and leaned against the car. A part of him couldn’t believe that he was about to do this, but he figured that Patton was right. He needed to think about what was best for his family. Besides, he couldn’t stand both of his boys being so upset. If Logan was being honest with himself, though, he wanted this just as much as Thomas did.

Suddenly he heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. He opened his eyes and looked around, slightly surprised to see Patton and Virgil stepping out of their car.

“What are you two doing here?” Logan asked as he straightened up and walked over to them.

“Well, we couldn’t let you just leave without us,” Patton said.

It was then that Logan saw that they were toting a rather large suitcase. “I wasn’t aware that you were accompanying us,” Logan said.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Look, you said it yourself that you weren’t sure you could make the trip driving by yourself. We’re here to help you out.”

“And help pay for gas!” Patton exclaimed. “And watch Thomas, of course.”

“I…I can’t let you do that,” Logan said.

“Sure you can,” Virgil said, lugging the bag over to the car. “Trust me, we’re doing this for Thomas’s sake. I’ve seen you sleep deprived and living solely off of coffee, and there’s no way I’m trusting you behind the wheel like that. Especially not with Thomas in the car.”

Logan rolled his eyes, but he offered his friends a small smile. “Thank you,” he muttered.

Patton gave him a tight hug. “We knew you wouldn’t ask us directly, so we just figured if we showed up you wouldn’t have a choice.”

“You’re not supposed to tell him that, Pat!” Virgil exclaimed.

“Oops,” Patton said with a small shrug, which only made Virgil smile and shake his head.

“Uncle Patton! Uncle Virgil!” Thomas’s voice came from the house as he ran out and right into Patton’s arms. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re going to come with you!” Patton said.

“Yeah, we’re going to make sure your dad doesn’t lose his mind driving for so long,” Virgil said, walking over to ruffle Thomas’s hair.

Thomas’s face lit up as he grinned. “Yay! All of our family will be together on Christmas!”

Logan smiled softly, wondering what he did to deserve such amazing friends and an even greater son.

“Well, not if we get going. I’ll help you find a place for that bag Virge.”

[celticheartedfangirl]

25 Fucking Stupid Writing Choices OUAT Made

This post is a snarky response to Adam and Eddy’s little humble brag article that came out today:

http://ew.com/tv/2018/05/14/once-upon-time-crazy-storylines/

This is meant to be snarky and critical and if you don’t like that -- don’t read it.  (MY post, not the link above.)  

Look, I am a OUAT fan an there are many things I love about the show.  But there are many I just DON’T LOVE and I think they’re worth discussing.  If you don’t like criticism, you won’t like this post.  That’s fine.  

Thank you for all the suggestions!  I think I got quite a bit crammed in here.  

Under the cut for length and so as not to upset those who only want to ‘think lovely thoughts’ . . . . . 

25. Here’s a magic doohickey thingy we’ve never heard of before but NOW we’re using this thing.

Look, I’m not gonna list all the MacGuffins this show has used, I’d be here all day and there are worse things they’ve done, and this IS a show about magic after all.  

But there’s also such a thing as overkill.  And there was too much MacGuffin use that we didn’t know about before in this show. It was far too convenient and usually used as a cop out in lieu of – you know – actual STORY TELLING. THAT is my MacGuffin issue.  Don’t use it to replace character development.  We’re not here for that.  

24.  The Lost Boys/The Untold Stories and Other Dropped Plots

So the Lost Boys -- Did they get homes? Did they grow up?  I don’t know!  Do you?  Of course not – we’ll never know!

What about all those Untold Stories folks?  Weren’t there a bunch of them?  Are they still meandering around in Storybrooke?

Edited to add:  Maleficent and Lily.  SO SORRY I forgot to initially include you in this one.  My bad.  You are missed, ladies!  

Edited once more to add:  Poor Gideon.  Both parents dead and his extended family doesn’t give a shit about him.  Or at least I assume so because we don’t know where he is.  The child of Beauty and the Beast -- treated like a disposable plot device.  Nice.

OUAT is great with creating and LOUSY with follow through.  I know there are many others.  But there shouldn’t be.  There shouldn’t be that many dropped plots on this show.  If you’re not going to follow through with a story line, why add the characters AT ALL?  Speaking of that . . .

23.  JFC, how many new characters do we NEED on this show???

Especially since you still haven’t figured out what to do with some of the ones that are CONTRACT PLAYERS on your show!  Hey, didn’t Archie and Ruby used to be those?  (Waves hi to Belle!  Also the Charmings post S4.  More on that later.)

22.  You know – Rumple is Henry’s GRANDFATHER

He is!  Really!  

You’d never fucking KNOW IT, would you?  The erasure of any sort of familial relationship with Henry/Rumple was a damned shame.  And much of that, I believe, was because if they acknowledged THAT, they’d have to mention the character they want us to forget.  More on that later.

21.  The Shattered Sight Hype

Remember what a BIG DEAL the whole Shattered Sight thing was gonna be in S4?  OMG people say what they REALLY FEEL about each other!  It’s gonna be EPIC!!!

And then it – wasn’t. We basically got some Snowing/Evil Queen snark, Henry bitching at Hook, and Belle – well, Belle was asleep – what else is new?  

I think of all the things that were PROMOTED as something amazing for this show – this is the one that was a big old dud and a whole lot of NOTHING.

20.  Belle’s mom/Belle is written out of her own storyline in S6

In Family Business we met Belle’s Mom for about two minutes.  Then she was dead.  And Belle didn’t remember what happened.  And then – we never heard about it again.

I don’t know about you, but I wanted to know what happened there.  Why didn’t Belle remember?  Did Moe get a roofie magic thingy from Arthur?  Did Belle’s mom turn into an ogre and she killed her and blocked it out?

SO MANY possibilities there. But hey – it’s just Belle.  Why write a story for HER?  

In the same regard -- whatever your thoughts are on Rumbelle in S6 (MHO – it was garbage and an OOC shit fest, but that’s just me) – what happened with Gideon – Belle’s SON – was because of HER CHOICE.  Choices have consequences.  And in GOOD WRITING – the person that MADE the choice that caused the mess is supposed to be the person to help CLEAN IT UP.

But apparently – it was a better thing for ZELENA of all people to be the one to do that.  And Emma and Hook too.  Because why the hell not, right?  That makes all the sense.  

Yes, Rumple played his part too in the whole Gideon mess.  And he did get to take part in the resolution.  But that was something they should have done TOGETHER (what a concept!), and overall Belle was just – not part of it.  Even in the last two minutes they sidelined her with a sprained ankle.  Absolutely ridiculous.    Which leads me to . . . .

19.  Belle being sidelined since Season Two.

OUAT brought the lovely Emilie de Ravin onto the show as a regular cast member in Season Two, and had no fucking idea what to do with her character.  So she gets fridged.  She gets stuck in the hospital, left behind while the rest go to Neverland, she’s very fond of naps, she’s forgotten about in Camelot, not cared about while in a sleeping curse because the “heroes” care more about “stopping” her “evil” hubby (see #17) and written out of her own damn storyline in 6B (see #20) – and then she’s dead. (More on that later.)

I love Belle.  I love Rumbelle.  And I will forever be resentful that for the bulk of her time on the show, the character of Belle, one of my fictional heroes, was written as nothing but a plot device.  She deserved so much better.  

18.  The Musical Episode

I mean – if this nonsense (and it WAS nonsense) had moved the story forward, I could maybe – MAYBE – let this one slide.  But it didn’t.  It just rehashed the same shit that we had been talking about for 6 seasons.  And then Hook married Emma and her Stepford Wife conversion therapy was complete.  (More on that later.)  This episode WILL NOT HOLD UP in the future.  Future generations will be “WTF-ing” all over the place with this one, mark my words.  

17.  Rumple is a Hero – no he’s a Villain – No wait he’s a hero, nope a villain, make up your DAMN MIND WRITERS!!!!!

I got whiplash trying to follow the trajectory of Rumple’s story, as many times as they changed his characterization.  He’s a villain – then in 3A he’s a hero.  Then he’s the victim of a molester and kidnapper and show doesn’t address that AT ALL. Oops he’s evil again.  Except now he’s not – his heart is PURE!  He pulled Excalibur out of the rock, he’s a HERO! Nah – he’s dark again.  Bad Rumple!  Oooh now he’s REALLY DARK and his fetus with no brain stem hates him and his wife is living on a boat with his sworn ENEMY while pregnant, so he traps here there (!!!!!) and he’s macking on the Evil Queen . . . come ON.  Enough already.

Rumple is a complex character.  You can’t just flip/flop willy nilly with a complex character.  You have to know how to write them as nuanced, and CONSISTENLY complex but never falling fully into one camp or the other of ‘good’ or ‘evil.’

Rumple is played by Robert Carlyle, one of the best actors around.  And the ONLY saving grace from the horrible writing of this character over the years is the fact that Bobby knew how to play him most of the time – even when the writers didn’t know how to WRITE HIM.  Which was almost ALL the time.  

16.  Hook is a Dark One/Resurrecting Dead Hook/Hook the Gary Stu

I toyed with ranking the dark one higher on the list and as its own thing because really, this reveal caused the biggest MID EPISODE ratings drop in the history of the show up to that point.  Nobody liked it.  Nobody wanted it. And it ended up being a setup to the ‘Save Hook’ trajectory because of COURSE of all the characters in the history of the show, HE was the one that deserved saving THE MOST.  But I think all of these things tie together.  

What this moment did was solidify the fact that Hook was officially a “Stu” character.  He definitely had Gary Stu tendencies up to this point, and was basically an irritant to anyone but CS/Hook fans, but from here on?  That’s pretty much all he was and all he’d ever be until he was replaced (or should I say upgraded?) by his doppelganger.  

I combined the DO/Save Hook/Stu thing because it was in the Underworld that Hook’s full Stu-pification took place.  There wasn’t a line of people he had murdered wanting a word with him – as there SHOULD HAVE BEEN.  

And Hook still got to keep all his murder trinkets when he got resurrected and made out with his girlfriend over Robin’s grave.  What a guy.

15.  Regina/The Evil Queen Stay Split

I’m just saying – wouldn’t it have been better character growth for Regina to have to live with her ‘evil’ half than to split it off?  And no, the ‘heart mixing’ thing doesn’t count.  I get that the whole thing was really fan service to the Outlaw Queen fandom.  But that doesn’t make it good writing.  

14.  The Wish Realm

Oh, I could write a whole post about this (and I may do that at some point) but there are so many damn holes in the whole Wish Realm mess I wouldn’t even know where to start.  But so many things about it just DO NOT line up in a sensible way.  And even if you find one that DOES, it’ll create three things that DON’T line up.  

I’d have bought a ‘parallel universe’ over the ‘wish realm’ stuff.  They could have gone with that and it would have made much more sense. But you know – they wanted dead Belle, dead Baelfire, dead Snowing, no Emma and old Hook so – Wish realm it was. I just got to a point where I didn’t care anymore.  But that doesn’t negate the stupid.  

13.  The Timeline

The timeline in OUAT made sense – and then it didn’t.  And then they just stopped trying.  And I stopped caring.  But for paid, professional writers – just not cool.  DO YOUR JOB!!!!!

12.  Will Scarlett

Do I really need to say any more here?  No? Didn’t think so.  Moving on.  

11.  Neal’s Apartment in New York City

Have you ever been to NYC? Places of residence are at a premium there.  There is no way in hell that an abandoned apartment wouldn’t have been emptied and taken over by a new resident in that much time.  And I’m sorry, but odds are Neal did NOT pre-pay his rent for TWO YEARS out.  

10.  Belle and Hook – Best Friends Forever!*

You know – no woman with a brain in her head would befriend a man who straight up tried to murder her FOUR TIMES.  So, either Belle doesn’t have a brain in her head, or that’s some crap writing right there. (My vote is with the latter if you’re wondering.)

It was bad enough when Belle was just handing over the dagger to “Hook” in S4 (yes, I know it was Rumple but details shmetails, Belle didn’t know that), but a PREGNANT BELLE going to live on a boat with Hook to be ‘safe’ – come on. Who does that?  I get that Adam and Eddy wanted to wave the middle finger at the Rumbelle fandom, but they could have found a way to do that without making Belle look STUPID.  

*Honorable mention to Belle/Zelena being friends which was equally as stupid

9.  Zelena is Marian

Come ON – they pulled that one out of their asses halfway through S4 because they wanted to find a way to bring back Bex.  There was NO INDICATION of that until the reveal.  Because it didn’t EXIST until the reveal.  Ridiculous.  

8.  Making the Charmings Supporting Players

Starting with S4, Snow and David basically became secondary characters.  They had MOMENTS, but overall they were on the backburner and if they left the show at any point – would it have made a difference to ANY of the trajectory they were playing out?  I’d say no.  

I mean – how the hell did that happen?  How do you run out of ideas with the couple that you touted as THE ‘main couple’ after only three seasons?  I don’t get it.  

7.  Golden Queen

Just no.  There was never anything romantic between these two characters.  It was stupid and out of character for both of them.  No.  

6.  Queer baiting 101

If you gender-swapped either Emma or Regina – made one of them a man – they’d be banging by S2 and by the end of the series they’d be married with at least two more kids and three break-ups/reunions between them.  (Hey, I watch soaps, I know how this shit works.)

The chemistry between the actors is there.  They share a kid.  But they’re both women.  And you know – family show -- #nohomo and all.   Sure.  

The writers KNEW that Swan Queen was popular.  Now okay – if ABC didn’t want to go there, fine.  I don’t agree with that, but fine.

But don’t keep freaking queer baiting your fans every chance you get!  It never stopped.  In fact, it got progressively WORSE as the show went on!  That’s just bullshit right there.  Either do it or drop it.  Because what OUAT did with Emma and Regina and the baiting of their fans was just flat out shitty.  

And if that weren’t bad enough, we got the whole queer baiting with Mulan/Aurora, and THEN in S5 we’re handed Dorothy/Ruby as a token olive branch to the LGBT community and then – we never see them again!  

Okay, in S7 they got on the right track with Alice and Robin.  I will give them that.  But after six years of baiting, it kind of rang hollow for many, and rightly so.

5.  Hey, Here’s a Person of Color – Let’s Kill Them!

One of the first warnings I give to any new OUAT is ‘don’t get attached to any POC’ and with good reason. They don’t last long on OUAT.

Now I don’t want to assume or accuse any of the OUAT writers of flat out racism but . . .. . you’ve gotta admit – they don’t have the best track record there.  

It’s especially obvious when they bring on a character that is compelling and portrayed by a charismatic actor that the audience enjoys.  Lancelot, Merlin, and Facilier are the three best examples of that. Okay, so Lance was resurrected but – where’d he go?  Is he still trying to undo dead-Arthur’s roofie on Guinevere?  

And then we have an amazing hero and a compelling villain in Merlin and Facilier, respectively.  Both of these characters – and their actors – were bright spots in the show.  So naturally – they needed to die.  Without their storylines resolved.  

But it was just a coincidence that they weren’t white.  Of course it was.  

4.  The Death of Belle

Yeah, yeah, I know, Beauty was a beautifully written episode and Bobby and Emilie loved it and we got some great moments, blah blah blah . . . . . . but was it NECESSARY?  Did they REALLY NEED to kill off Belle?  You’re telling me that there’s absolutely, positively, not one plausible scenario for S7 wherein Belle is in Hyperion Heights and Rumple can find a way to rid himself of the darkness WITH HER THERE???? Really?  They couldn’t write even one lousy full season of Rumbelle (hello BEAUTY AND THE BEAST) happy and in love with struggles but still beating the darkness in the end?  Really??? There weren’t any options for that scenario AT ALL????  Give me a break.  

3.  The Stepford Swan

Over the course of seven years, many of the OUAT characters suffered with out- of-character moments. It’s not uncommon and I would even venture to say that this happens on occasion on MOST television shows.  But on OUAT, it was a common occurrence from Season Four onward.  And NONE of the characters experienced as much of an out of character de-evolution as Emma Swan.

When we first met Emma Swan she was a badass, intelligent, independent woman.  Yes, she had her issues and her inner demons and we saw her work past those as the series progressed.  

And then . . . . she got a boyfriend.  And he became the center of her universe.  And Emma – changed.  The writers (and Jennifer Morrison) will swear up and down that it was an ‘evolution’ but I’m sorry – a character that starts OUT like this:

Does not END UP like this:

That’s not evolution. That’s a shell of a woman dependent on a man for her self-worth.  That’s NOT who Emma Swan is.  This was THE worst character assassination on the show, and I’d say it’d be up (down?) there in the top 10 (er, bottom 10?) of worst character assassinations in all of television. What a shame.  

2.  Rapists – rapists everywhere!

Once Upon a Time has always been marketed as a family show.  For a family show – there’s sure a heck of a lot of rape in it.  

The first CANON rapist we have is Regina and her 28+ year imprisonment and repeated sexual assault of Graham.  Regina came a long way as a character in the show’s 7-year run – but it would have done great service to her if this had been addressed somehow.  Now, I know that Jamie Dornan is all famous and off making money playing Christian Grey but – you know, in this particular case – I’d have been good with either a recast or at the VERY least an apologetic mention.  But we never got that.

And that’s the problem with every rapey issue on this show – it’s never addressed for what it is. In fact – it’s really not addressed at all.  Hook’s rape jokes in S2 are treated like ‘playful banter’ by the writers, cast, and viewers alike.  Zelena’s ‘Hester the Molester’ stuff with Rumple in S3 doesn’t even warrant a discussion. Hook’s rapey innuendo in the CS movie is also waved off.  Then we have Zelena raping Robin in S4, Arthur magic roofie-ing Guinevere and probably raping her in S5 (Is she still roofied?  Who knows!), and Mother Gothel raping Nook in S7.

That’s a hell of a lot of rape for a “family show.”  And aside from the off-handed comment from Robin about lack of consent with Zelena, none of it is addressed for what it is – RAPE.  

1.  The Death of Baelfire/Neal Cassidy

In Season One there were three main story line arcs driving the series:  Regina’s war with Snow White, Emma as The Savior, and Rumpelstiltskin’s quest to reunite with his son, Baelfire.  All three stories intertwined, and it only made sense that the trajectory of the show would be that in the end, all of these characters would somehow come together, as they all were tied to one character:  Henry.

Unfortunately, the writers made the foolish decision in Season Three to execute one of the main (if not THE main) driving forces on the show.  Baelfire/Neal was connected to all of the aforementioned people, and his loss was a blow to everyone.  At least it should have been. But that’s not what we saw.

Not only was Neal/Baelfire killed off – he was flat out ERASED from the show.  His name from the point of his death on was rarely brought up. We didn’t get to see anyone truly mourn or grieve him.  (Okay Rumple, but BARELY – and anyone who has lost a child understands that it’s quite possibly the deepest type of grief imaginable.  I’m told you never get over it.)  As the show moved forward, you could literally spot the times when the writers made deliberate dialogue choices to avoid saying the name Neal/Baelfire in places where it not only made sense, it was WARRANTED.  

Let’s be REAL here – we all know the “reason” Bae/Neal was written off the show.  I don’t care what the writers say.  I’m not an idiot and neither are you.  And I’m sorry, but if the ONLY WAY you can think of to make a “romance” happen on a show is to kill off a character that would be forever “in the way” of said romance – you’re not a skilled enough writer to be writing a television show for a major network.  I mean – it works in spiteful fanfic (which I am more than guilty of writing).  But for a television show?  The viewers deserve better than that.  NEAL/BAELFIRE and every character that ever loved him deserved better than that.  

I know I probably missed a bunch but I really did try to hit the highlights and put them in the order they deserved.

Thoughts?  Comments?  If you think I’m missing a tag for this (I’m doing my best) let me know and I’ll add it.  

[arachcobra]

Naruto Episode 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19 Review

Let’s get ready to rumble

Review of Naruto Episode 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19: Haku's Secret Jutsu: Crystal Ice Mirrors, The Number One Hyperactive, Knucklehead Ninja Joins the Fight, Zero Visibility: The Sharingan Shatters, The Broken Seal, White Past: Hidden Ambition, The Weapons Known as Shinobi and The Demon in the Snow

ArachCobra

Hoo boy, this is gonna be a long one.

So Gato's henchmen Zori and Waraji bust into Tazuna's place by straight up carving the wall open. That's kinda awesome. And then they immediately start busting the inventory, because fuck Tazuna's dishes I guess. Anyway, they take Tsunami hostage and plan on killing Inari, but Tsunami promises to let them do whatever they want with her if they spare Inari.

In the English dub anyway. Originally, she threatens to bite her own tongue and drown in her blood if they hurt Inari, denying them a captive. Gotta go with the original Japanese take on this, that's fucking hardcore. Go Tsunami.

So Inari is left behind, crying, because now he's also at risk of losing his mom. But then he remembers Naruto and storms after the two thugs to... Actually, he has no plan other than yelling a challenge and running towards the enemy. Which I grant is very Naruto. And Naruto does show up right then and saves them both.

But imagine if he hadn't. We're supposed to see this as Inari overcoming his issues and gaining  courage. But again, courage is defined here as being an idiot. If Naruto hadn't conveniently showed up when he did, having figured Gato's goons were heading for Tazuna's house, Inari would have been cut to ribbons. Courage does not mean not being smart, but the way the show plays it off, we're supposed to think this is admirable. Sure, brave people head into danger all the time. Firefighters, policemen, soldiers. And sometimes, you don't have a choice but to risk it all. I do get that. But that's last resort and only narrative coincidence saved Inari.

Back at the bridge, Haku enters battle by spinning like a fucking beyblade. Not the most intimidating entrance. Then they fight and despite the hype, Sasuke does get the better of him, which makes Zabuza declare that Sasuke is Haku's rival.

Sakura and Kakashi just watch. I guess it would be too much to ask them to join the fight and even the odds in their favour.

Yes, climbing trees magically gave Sasuke the ability to keep up with Haku. I guess. Somehow.

So Haku uses his ace in his sleeve and summons several ice mirrors which he can enter and fight from. Sasuke supposedly gets fucked up pretty badly, but given the sheer amount of needles animated, seems like Haku is missing with most of them.

Finally, Sakura tries to help by throwing a kunai, but Haku catches it, only to get conked in the head by Naruto.

A brilliant sneak attack from our ninja idiot. Good to see.

Of course, he immediately ruins it by doing a dramatic entrance worthy of Darkwing Duck and starts blathering about how this is just like in the stories when the hero arrives in the nick of time.

After getting yelled at, he tries to do the clone thing, only for Zabuza to attack him mid hand sign.

Stuff like this is why I like Zabuza.

Now, Haku does intervene because he wants to fight Naruto, but there's a fundamental problem here that must be addressed.

Now, Naruto, he likes to talk about becoming the greatest ninja ever. But scenes like this reveal something rather... Peculiar.

Fundamentally, Naruto has no fucking clue what a ninja is.

He always tries to storm in and hit hard. Even accepting the much more offensive role ninjas have in this universe, emphasis is still placed on deception, trickery, stealth, tactics. Meanwhile, Naruto thinks he's on an episode of Dragonball, charging in loudly and swinging his fists no matter how big and dangerous his opponent is. At least the others call him out on it this time, but it is troubling that Naruto has managed to become a ninja, despite obviously having no fucking clue what he's supposed to be doing.

And then he 'sneaks' into the mirror dome, trapping himself there with Sasuke.

Because Naruto, on top of everything else, is also an idiot.

Meanwhile, Sakura is guarding Tazuna. That is their main objective, so technically that's great, but since the show instead wants to focus on the interesting battles, it leaves little for her to do.

Back in the dome, Haku keeps destroying Naruto's clones, while Sasuke uses his ally as a distraction to analyze Haku's jutsu to find a way to counter it.

Good on Sasuke. He's actually ninjaing.

And then Kakashi and Zabuza starts fighting, with the latter summoning an extra thick fog to counter the Sharingan. Then, on top of that, he tries to go for Tazuna and Sakura to lure Kakashi into a vulnerable position. Kakashi gets in the way, blood sprays and Sakura screams.

Back in the dome, our two intrepid friends are starting to look rather like pincushions. Makes me wince whenever they fall over, because you know at least one of those needles just got shoved into them. Not that it ever amounts to anything.

So Naruto faints from exhaustion, Haku tries to finish him off and Sasuke gets in the way. He gets some actually sad final words and Naruto loses his fudge and gets ready to end fucking everything. The power sealed in explodes outward and everyone notices it.

On that note, boy, Zabuza sure did spend a lot of time with his sword stuck in Kakashi if we have to judge from how long passed between the scream and us getting back to them.

But anyway, Naruto goes berserk and absolutely ruins Haku, stopping short of killing him only because he recognizes him as the cute crossdresser from the woods. They exchange words and Haku tells his backstory. It's a genuinely sad tale about prejudice, hate, exclusion and finding a place in the world to belong. Finally, feeling that he is now useless again, Haku encourages Naruto to kill him. But before out blond ninja can euthanize him, let's go back to Kakashi and Zabuza.

So Kakashi got hurt, but that allows him to do a little dance routine with a scroll of paper to summon dogs to hold Zabuza still. Then he charges up his lightning hands and gets ready to fingerbang Zabuza in the heart with the power of Zeus.

Haku sensing this decides he has one last use left in his life, taking the blown and attempting to hold Kakashi still while Zabuza finishes him off. While he succeeds at the former, Kakashi gets away with his body before Zabuza can kill him.

And thus dies Haku. Its a rather sad tale.

Meanwhile, Inari runs around trying to gather an army, but no one dares fight Gato. Still, his words strikes a chord and later when he prepares to go off on his own armed with a crossbow, the villagers show up to help.

Back on the bridge, Sakura sees Sasuke and freaks out. Tazuna thinks some encouraging words. Wish he'd say them instead.

And while that is going on, Zabuza is getting his shit kicked in by Kakashi. It's seriously embarrassing. Like, we cut back, and Zabuza has already broken an arm off-screen. And then Kakashi bitchslaps him away. It's like, now that his role as villain is over, Zabuza has gone from a complete menace to some jobber getting slapped around before the main event. Honestly, kinda disrespectful to his character. And then Kakashi breaks the other arm.

Then Gato shows up with an army of misfit goons, because he's tired of how shit's going down. Then he kicks Haku, which triggers Naruto. Zabuza says he didn't care about Haku, using him only as a tool, which causes Naruto to yell at him.

And then Zabuza cries, Naruto's words cutting deep.

Sure. We'll go with that.

So then he charges Gato armed only with a kunai in his mouth, cutting through Gato's army and killing the lil' guy himself after delivering a chilling speech about Hell. It's all kinds of awesome.

Then the rest of the villagers show up, scaring off what goons remain. Personally, I think they should have shown up a little earlier, so that they could have part in the showdown with Gato, since all this build up was for them to stop letting their fear of the guy control him. But that's just my opinion.

With everything resolved, Kakashi drags a dying Zabuza to Haku's body, so he can see him one last time before he dies. Between the music, cinematography and dialogue, this scene genuinely got me misty-eyed. There's only one stupid line from Naruto that doesn't work. This truly does feel sad and I gotta hand it to the anime for pulling that off.

Also, Sasuke is miraculously alive. I guess Sakura forgot to check his pulse before deciding to cry all over him. Yes, yes, I get it, she was distraught, but really, that should be the first thing they checked.

Zabuza and Haku get buried and our protagonists leaves.

Anyway, the bridge also got finished. Which is surprising considering that bridges of the type we see here, spanning quite the distance across the ocean, takes quite a fucking long time to make. I guess they've been away for a couple of years and nobody told us. And then it's named the Great Naruto Brudge.

Go fuck yourself, Tazuna.

Seriously, okay, great, Naruto helped. So did everyone else, including Sakura, who was babysitting your sorry ass while you were being hunted by a hulking ninja wielding a steel girder sizes kill-blade. Not to mention Kakashi, who fought Zabuza, and Sasuke, who took a bullet(Well, handful of needles) for his comrade. And of course, let's not forget Kaiza, who was oh so important some episodes ago.

But no. All credit goes to Naruto. What a cop out.

Anyway, while these episodes have some legendarily great moments, from Haku's past to Zabuza's final moments, they're also hindered by several issues. First of all, they were spread out over too many episodes. There's too much faffing about and “Last time on Naruto,” which kills the pacing at times.

Secondly, Naruto makes some truly stupid mistakes that really makes it hard to believe he's got what it takes to be a ninja, much less the hokage.

And thirdly, despite having a technically important role, Sakura gets to do nothing. This is a shame, as the previous episodes have established that she is quite skilled in her own way. But since her job is to guard Tazuna and the camera would rather focus on the epic action, she just felt put on the sideline. At least she still did something, I guess, but Sakura by this point really needs opportunities to shine.

Givenea

Let’s see. Zabuza is a big threat until he isn’t, then Kakashi just slaps him about. There’s also this weird moment where we’ve cut to Naruto, Sasuke and Haku for a long conversation then cut back, and Zabuza and Kakashi has apparently just been standing there for several minutes. We get Haku’s backstory, it’s genuinely touching. Then Gato shows up with a bunch of goons. Team 7, the villagers and Zabuza team up to defeat him. Everyone is happy, except for Haku, Zabuza and Gato who’re all dead. Zabuza’s death scene was pretty touching though.

Also the bridge is named The Great Naruto Bridge, because fuck everyone else.

I have so much to say about this episode.

Let’s start with tying a nice big bow on Naruto and Inari’s relationship. There are two scenes to carry in mind for this.

First, Naruto saves Inari and his mother Tsunami from some goons Gato send to kidnap one of them for some reason. Inari starts crying (can’t blame him) but tries to stop himself. Naruto tells him that there’s nothing wrong with it as he’s being happy and that’s fine.

Ok, so tears of happiness are fine, got it. Crying can happen due to just about any strong emotion and is a healthy outlet of such thing, but this seems to be the thesis we’re going with.

Inari then fetches the villagers to go scare of the last of Gato’s goons, good for them.

The second scene to bear in mind comes as the episode is ending when Kakashi and team is saying goodbye. Inari is trying not to cry, and Naruto tells him it’s ok to do so. Then we see that Naruto too is bawling his eyes out, and I agree with Sakura here… this is really damn stupid.

The lesson is apparently that it is only ok to cry if you doing so helps make Naruto look good… I don’t think I have a middle finger big enough, to express just how far this show can shove that idea.

So, let me moan and complain about the bridge instead. See, there is a Great Naruto Bridge in real life Japan. It lies in continuation of The Small Naruto bridge and crosses the Naruto strait. Now I was not able to find anything on how long it took to build The Great Naruto Bridge. I was however able to find something on the New Little Belt Bridge here in Denmark.

Let’s compare bridges:

New Little Belt Bridge:

Suspension bridge.

Length: 1700 meters.

Width: 31.2 meters.

Time under construction: 5 years (1965-1970)

Great Naruto Brigde:

Suspension bridge.

Length: 1629 meters.

Width: 25 meters.

Time under construction: no idea

Now, The New Little Belt Bridge is slightly bigger than The Great Naruto Bridge, but I don’t think it is completely crazy to say they could be constructed within a similar time span. And from the view the show gives us of the damn thing, we can conclude a few things:

The bridge is a suspension bridge. This can be seen from the general design when people are working on it in episode 11

It is almost finished. When Zabuza and Haku arrived in episode 12 you can see that the bridge is very close to reaching shore.

At the end of the ark it is done. The team walks home over the bridge, it kinda must be done for that.

From the scenes in episode 11 where Giichi quits we can see that keeping workers is hard.

From the scene in episode 11 where Sakura and Tazuna goes shopping we can see that resources are tight.

Also, according to the tale of Kaiza in episode 11, Kaiza arrived 3 years prior and Gatö arrived about a year prior to the events of the ark according to Tazuna’s explanation as they sail under the bridge in episode 7.

So with these facts in mind, time to make some assumptions:

With the difficulty of keeping workers and the lack of resources it is assumable that the progress on building the bridge has been pretty much halted in the year Gatö has been there.

The bridge could not have been built response to Gatö’s takeover, as construction would have to have started 4 years prior to his arrival.

Again, with the lack of resources and workers, it is assumable finishing the bridge would take longer than anticipated.

We are gonna assume for the need of simplicity that it takes equally long to build a meter on any part of the bridge and that the short distance we can see is 50 meters long. We are also gonna assume that The Great Naruto Bridge of the show is the same size as The Great Naruto Bridge in Japan. That means that under normal conditions it should take Tazuna and a full crew 56 days or almost two months to finish the bridge.

Now Tazuna does not have normal conditions, he has, if nothing else, to bring in more workers and figure out how to pay their wages. But let say he manages all that he needs to quickly. In that case the ninjas could maybe be home after something like 5 months after heading out…

But see… here’s the thing, as far as I could understand. The bridge is supposed to have been built in response to Gatõ. Tazuna supposedly finished a five-year project in about a year, with barely any money, few workers and a sadistic, dictatorial business tycoon breathing down his neck.

I don’t think I have to explain how impossible that is.

Here are the links for the pages I used to look up the bridges:

https://www.japanhoppers.com/en/shikoku/naruto/kanko/662/

https://da.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilleb%C3%A6ltsbroen_(1970)

http://www.vejdirektoratet.dk/DA/viden_og_data/statens-veje/broer/Sider/Lilleb%C3%A6ltsbroen.aspx

Fluttersniper13

I'll keep this brief. Goons blow up wall, Inari's an idiot, Naruto is an idiot. On the bridge, Sakura does nothing. Sasuke does something. Kakashi is being cool. Silent killer isn't being silent again. Haku is cool. Naruto comes in, is a mororn. Things go downhill. Ends with a relatively touching scene, which Naruto ruins. Good job, show.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13125294/9/Naruto-Rewrite-1-Road-to-Ninja

[karamelsecretsanta]

Mending Broken Hearts

Dear @chelseaellie,

First of all, I want to wish a glorious holiday to you and yours. I hope that you're blessed with love and health, and that all your wishes come true. I know that we don't know each other but I'm happy to have the opportunity now. I am looking forward to chatting with you.

I want to give you a great Karamel story. You don't know this, but I tend to over-extend myself in my writing (just ask my friends; they will tell you how true this is). So whatever I plan to write always ends up being 3, 4, 10 times longer than I thought it was going to be. Your gift isn't the exception, so I decided to give you today the first of 3 chapters. Otherwise, I'd have had to rush in with the story and the last thing I wanted is giving you a poor-executed job. You deserve much better than that.

I'll update the other 2 in the coming days, so I got time to perfect them. I hope you don't mind waiting a few days for the happy ending. I promise you, you'll get one despite the angsty beginning.

Before you, and everyone else, start reading, I think it's important you know that this fic is canon divergent, where everything up to season 3 has happened except the winter finale. Instead of Reign waking up and wreaking havoc, this is what happens.

I hope you like it. Happy reading and Merry Christmas!

From: your secret Santa, Mare ( @green-arrows-of-karamel)

***********************

Rating: Teen and up

Warnings: N/A

Synopsis: A mysterious woman traps Kara and Mon-El in a frozen planet.

AN: Thank you @laurabelle2930 for being such a wonderful Beta!

1 - This Is Our Thing

The world doesn't stop spinning until Kara hits the hard, cold floor. The momentum makes her roll on it several times in an entangle of limbs until she's laid flat on her back with a heavy body on top of her. She looks up and finds Mon-El looking back at her. Worry crinkles his brow.

"Are you okay?" he asks slightly short of breath.

Kara is taken aback by how good it feels having him again nestled between her legs, their bodies touching intimately. For a second, she lets in the memory of those countless times they were naked in the same position. Inevitably, her skin tingles, remembering Mon-El kissing and tasting her feverish skin while they made love. The intense longing for him she has restrained the last seven months comes back with a vengeance. Heat pools in her belly and desire rushes through her like a lava river.

Her body is ready to welcome him back, and her heart is bursting with love for him. But then she remembers that he's a married man. He has a lovely wife and he has moved on. For much she wants to reproach him for that, how can she? Seven years is a long time. Honestly, she's glad that he's happy, even if that hurts her to the deepest level.

Kara can't blame Imra for falling for Mon-El either. He's charming and adorable, confident and funny, he's brave and has a big, beautiful heart. That's without mentioning how handsome he is, with his athletic body, his gorgeous blue eyes and his pointed chin. For the love of Rao, the beard makes him look so sexy. Without a doubt, Mon-El is a great catch.

Kara only wishes he was still her catch.

Aroused but disheartened, Kara blurts out, "Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine."

Mon-el stares at her in a way very similar he used to before. Certainly, he hadn't looked at her like that since he came back. Kara squirms under him because she has never been able to resist his puppy eyes. If they don't pull apart now, Kara will do something she's going to regret as soon as she's done, like kissing him senseless.

"Um… er, Mon-El, could you… can you get off of me?"

"What?" he blinks as he's waking up from a trance. "Oh, yeah. Sure, sorry."

His moves are jerky and hasty as if he's caught between the need to move fast and stay still at the same time. As soon as he is off, Kara misses his body heat and notices how cold the air is. Goosebumps spread on her skin and the chilly wind makes her shiver. As she gets on her feet while ignoring Mon-El's gallant offer to help her, Kara looks around. All that she can see is a peaceful snowy forest. White snow is everywhere. Above them, the sky is somber with menacing clouds, announcing that a storm is coming.

"Where are we?" Mon-El asks.

"I'm guessing in the same place to where all those couples have been disappearing."

When Kara returned home from Earth-1 after Barry and Iris' eventful wedding, Winn and J'onn informed her that a series of inexplicable disappearances were occurring in National City. The first case passed under the radar because the police thought it was nothing more than a jealous ex, taking vengeance on a former spouse. However, the pattern was evident after the fourth case in less than thirty-six hours.

The lack of evidence frustrates both the police and the DEO. Even if the reason for kidnapping those people is still unknown, the common denominator among all cases is that the missing people are couples who have broken up recently. Nobody knew how the couples were vanishing, leaving no trace whatsoever, until Winn detected a great amount of tachyons particles in each disappearing spot. Therefore, they're dealing with an interdimensional being.

Then, the unthinkable happens. Kara doubts that anyone at the DEO expected that this being was brave enough to attack in their premises. Yet, it did. It happened when Mon-El stopped Kara to apologize on the behalf of his wife for upsetting Kara earlier.

Kara didn't want to talk about that. Talking to Mon-El, just looking at him, is just too painful for her.

"And just for the record, Mon-El, I really am trying to be okay with this, but…" she said to him, wanting to end their conversation. "This is… this is worse than the worst thing I could possibly imagine. And that's you looking at me with no love in your eyes. So please, just… please."

Kara turned around and started climbing the stairs when a chubby, beautiful lady materialized out of the thin air on the landing.

"Oh, puh-lease!" the newcomer scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Now I understand what my cousin told me about you two. I didn't want to do this to you on Christmas' eve, but you don't leave another choice."

"Who are you?" Kara demanded

Rushing to her side, Mon-El asked, "what do you want? Why are you here?"

"It doesn't matter who I am. What matter is fixing…." the unknown woman waved her hand in their direction, "this."

Before either Kara or Mon-El could utter a single word, the lady snapped her fingers, opening an inter-dimensional breach. A heartbeat later, both Kara and Mon-El were sucked into it and transported to where they are now. Trapped in an unknown place and without a way to return home.

"This is our thing, it seems," Mon-El mutters.

"What?

Mon-El opens his arms and twirls around, signaling the obvious. "You and me… stranded on a strange planet. Something tells me that we're not on Earth anymore."

Yes, she picked that up too. Her first clue is the light, which is off, and Kara can't point out why. The dark clouds above Kara and Mon-El hid well all that it is beyond in the sky. That is besides the fact that it is day here when the sun had already set in National City. "We have to find the missing people and a way to get out of here."

*************

Mon-El couldn't agree more. This is bad; really, really bad… and not for the obvious reasons. It's not good having people missing and being in a strange place, but what worries Mon-El the most is being alone with Kara. He has no excuses or distractions to stay away from her here. Right now, all he wants to do is prove how wrong she is.

When she told him that she didn't see the love for her in his eyes, his heart broke. Mon-El guesses he should be glad that his acting is convincing enough for her thinking like that, but the reality is it pains him that Kara is not seeing past his deceit.

For seven long years, he never forgot her. His love for her is as strong as ever.

She won't be happy when she finds out his marriage with Imra is fake. He only hopes that Kara can forgive him once she knows his reasons for the lying and secrets. He hates himself for hurting her, but he wouldn't be doing this if he didn't believe that it is the right choice. It's critical for the plan to help Supergirl saving the world from Reign.

To do that, though, they need to go back to Earth first.

Mon-El stopped being the coward he was in the Slavers' Moon eight years ago. This time he is more than willing to help everyone who's trapped in this place. "Which direction we should take? Left… right?" he asks Kara as he glances around for some evidence of a road or a nearby settlement. All he can see is trees and snow. The forest is eerily quiet, as if they are the only living thing there.

"Let me get to a vantage point."

Kara takes off to the sky, intending to see past the forest. She elevates herself in the air for a few seconds before losing altitude abruptly. With luck, she manages to land safely on the ground, just not as gracefully as she normally does.

"Kara! You okay?"

"Seriously? A red sun again?!" she growls, looking up at the sky.

He doesn't comment on her complaint. Mon-El knows Kara doesn't like feeling weak and he can't blame her, especially due to what she went through recently on Earth-1. He's not amused of losing his powers either. Years of experience battling the evil in the future taught Mon-El exactly how dangerous the universe can be. What neither of them needs right now is to be stranded in a planet revolving around a red sun. "Did you see anything?"

"Nothing more than trees and snow. That's all there is in every direction."

"So what we do now? Where do we go?"

"Let's go left. We might find people along the way."

Mon-El follows Kara in silence and tries to ignore the cold. Both walk on, focusing on their surroundings trying to pick up any sign of movement. Snow starts falling no long after they begin their hike through the wood. At first, it's only a handful of snowflakes in the air but then the storm hits them hard. The blizzard makes the temperature drops fast, and Mon-El worries about how long they can stay out in the open before hypothermia kills them. Neither Kara or he are dressed properly for this weather, which is harsher than the ones either of them has experienced before on Earth and their home planets. She's visibly shaking and so is he.

"We need… to find a shelter… or we're gonna freeze… to death," Mon-El pants, trying to control his tremors.

"I- If we find p-people, we'll find sh-shelter."

Mon-El grinds his teeth in frustration, Kara can be so stubborn sometimes. She's so cold that her teeth are chattering nonstop. He grabs her arm gently to stop her. "If we turn into Popsicles, we can't help anyone, Kara. Besides, the night is coming and the visibility is getting worse; we don't know where we are or where we're going. We could be walking in circles, for all we know."

Unable to stop himself, Mon-El cups Kara's cheeks, which are reddened by the cold. His hands are freezing too, but he hopes he's giving her the little warmth he has left. Their eyes connect and time stops. The look Kara gives him with her beautiful eyes has always been his downfall. And this time isn't the exception. Mon-El gets lost in her stare. He noticed how her blue comets soften, watching him.

For a second, it feels like they are back in the dream world, where Mon-El visited Kara the last seven month while he was still in hypersleep. Kara believes those encounters to be mere dreams, a fabrication of her mind, but in reality, they were an effort of Mon-El —with the help of Imra's telepathic ability— to be with Kara. He missed her so much.

Mon-El senses that Kara's mind goes to the same place as his, and that makes her lower the guard on her emotions. Taking advantage of that, he begs, leaning his head down until their foreheads are touching, "Please, Kara. Let's let the storm pass before we continue. Please."

He sees the reluctance in her eyes, but her common sense kicks in. "Okay, you're right."

"Let's walk this path," Mon-El suggests as he wraps his arm around her shoulders, helping her to maintain every ounce of body heat. He feels her tensing up and thinks she will pull away. When she doesn't, he breathes in relief. "The forest is dense this way and the trees will provide us some protection against the wind."

Their progress is slow and difficult, which put their survival at risk . Each step is a herculean effort but they don't stop, even when is evident that both are losing their impetus. They're thirsty and hungry but, most of all, cold and wet. When Mon-El almost lost his hope, they find a small and weather-scarred hut in the middle of the forest.

"Oh, thank Rao!"

The place is abandoned and deteriorated, but it gives them the needed refuge until the storm is over. Lucky, indeed, they are. Inside they find logs to burn in the fireplace.

"Are you sure you can do it?" Mon-El asks Kara when she suggests using her heat vision to start the fire.

"Yes, I think so."

"Our powers…"

"They're weakened, but not completely gone. It doesn't feel that way, at least."

Kara is right, and although it takes much longer than usual, she's capable to ignite the fire. For when they have a good flame, outside is pitch black. The storm rages on and the clouds prevent the starlight from coming through.

Now that the temperature in the room is rising, Mon-El removes his wet clothes, the jeans jacket and striped Henley, to place them near the fire and get them dry.

"What are you doing?!"

Mon-El cringes inwardly as his hands pause unbuckling his belt. He knows that tone, which always means that he's in trouble. He doesn't think that will do any good, but he chooses to play dumb and states the obvious, "Um, I'm undressing."

"Why?"

"To dry my clothes near the fire… you know, it's easier to recover the body heat when you're dry. You should undress too." Mon-El fights the smile forming on his lips, suspecting why Kara is so uncomfortable with the idea of Mon-El without clothes. And he can relate. It's not going to be easy watching her in all her naked glory and not being able to touch her.

"No, I'm fine like this."

"Oh, come on, Kara! It's not that we haven't seen each other naked before. And if what worries you is getting mind-blown by just seeing my impressive anatomy again, I'll leave my boxers on," he doesn't hold his cocky smile anymore. "Or are you afraid that neither of us can resist the temptation?"

Kara makes disgusted guttural sounds at his arrogant declaration. "Oh, how I hate when you are like this. I see some things never change. Being an egocentric macho has never suited you, Mon-El, and certainly, it doesn't do now."

On the outside, Mon-El keeps his arrogant façade as he takes his pants off. Meanwhile, on the inside, he breathes in relief. His plan to make the situation easier for her worked to perfection. At this point, he rather making her mad and letting her focus on something else than watching the painful longing in her eyes, or feeling the desperate love pouring from her every pore.

The challenge doesn't go unanswered either, and Kara gets undressed too.

Mon-El refrains from suggesting to sleep next to each other, making skin contact. That would keep them warmer, but Kara would kick him in his tender parts, just for saying so. She wants to stay away from him, and she makes that perfectly clear when for the rest of the night, Kara gives him a silent treatment and avoids looking at him.  Across the room, he can't take his eyes off her and imagine how different their situation would be if instead of being stranded on a frozen planet they were on a cozy cabin somewhere on Earth for a holiday getaway.

They could be spooning in bed, comfy and warm under heavy blankets, or maybe making love in front the fire. Mon-El's dying to do just that right now. He would be in heaven if he could spend the entire night worshiping Kara's body with kisses and caresses, showing her how deep is his love for her.

Unfortunately, you can't always get what you want. Sighing, Mon-El settles with guarding Kara's sleep until exhaustion beats him too. A long day awaits them tomorrow.. They need to find the way back home. The sooner they return to Earth, the better. There are villains to defeat, a world to save… but when are things  that easy?

A surprise is waiting for them in the morning.