#OBVIOUSLY this is the healthy and right thing to do and totally won't leave you even more of a shut-in wreck than before!

[scorittanius]

eugh, i keep spiralling over the dumbest things..

[ocuious]

Okay, so Joe hawley:

Hot take, but I think everyone's being a bit too harsh. Many people, including myself, immediately after hearing the news deleted posts about joe hawley, said that they don't support joe hawley, and sent hate towards him in general. I take back some words that I said earlier and would like to share a full rant about what I feel now.

Not wanting to support joe anymore is totally fine -- after all, he's done some awful things to people and I sincerely hope those people are able to recover.

I do however, still support joe, but not in the way you think.

I support his journey to getting mental help and hope he himself can recover and fend off whatever mental illnesses he may be facing. I continue to enjoy Joe's music, as after all, it's okay to separate the artist from the art. I support whatever's left of sane Joe and hope that he can look back, realize what he's done, apologize, and get the mental health he needs. I think any hate towards him is unnecessary.

Mental health isn't an excuse, but an explanation. Sending him hate is only digging his mental state a deeper hole and piling onto the stress he's already facing. I think we can all agree that he's most likely guilty -- he's not trying to defend himself nor is he apologizing. While people who've done things like Joe deserve a proper punishment, I feel that the best thing we can do now is hope that Joe can return to a proper state of mind and get help.

He needs help. His mind clearly isn't right here. The way he types, the way he talks... it's all off. He needs to go and get mental help or therapy or whatever a person like him needs and that way, he can hopefully come back and we can have hope at a third album. If he owns up to what he did, get's help, and truly becomes a better person, I'd be willing to forgive him. He's been battling mental illness for so long according to Andrew and I think it's heartbreaking to see what Andrew wrote on the matter.

Joe's mental health was one of the main reasons tally hall couldn't get a third album and probably won't if this situation keeps up. Andrew wrote how he and the other band members watched Joe fight to be mentally well. How he's changed, for the worse, and how he isn't the same, happy, Joe that was in tally hall. I think Andrew's response to everything is truly heartbreaking and it sucks that Joe had to go through this and in turn make the other members go through this as well.

I don't condone anything he's done. All I can say is to not approach him or talk to him. Even tweeting at him won't help. Remember, we're trying to get him off the phone and into a therapist's office. I've been trying not to pay attention to any tweets he's made as I think it's right to assume that these aren't made in a healthy state of mind and should be taken with a mother-sized basketball of salt. I believe that he's currently in a manic episode and he's obviously not in the right mind at all. Perhaps after this passes he can give an actual response.

I don't want to drag this on for any longer. Thanks for reading this (if you even finished). I just wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere. I truly hope that Joe get's help and can return to the closest thing to normal that there can be.

One last thing: please don't remove Joe Hawley from tally hall images. It's extremely immature. He was a part of tally hall and that can never be changed. I'll leave you with this:

It's okay to separate the art from the artist.

[veg-hotwings]

Why Eiji x Ash is an awful pairing

Last year I watched Banana Fish for the first time, and I loved and hated it. I deeply appreciated how blunt and raw it could be when trating the abuse/rape themes, and got me a heartache and dehydratation for how much it made me cry.

However, I recently rewatched it with a friend of mine and we were apalled at so many things I don't even know where to start. I still like the story itself, but I reevaluated some characters entirely, especially Max and Eiji.

Max, for instance, proclames himself as Ash's protector/dad, but when they were in prison he didn't do anything for him, and left Ash alone to be raped multiple times. He also joked and found it funny when Ash was harassed in his nurse uniform, and in general treated him like he hadn't been abused since he was a child.

But this post won't be about Max.

It's Eiji and his relationship with Ash I want to talk about, and honestly I don't understand what the author was trying to do with them and how can people ship the two of them.

Let's start by saying that everything that happens in the series is Eiji's fault, including Ash's death. Since the beginning he egoistically did everything he could do to put Ash in danger, refusing to follow his orders or to leave the fucking country and stay safe because he wanted to "help him", "save him", or just couldn't handle the idea of leaving him. Spoiler alert: if you claim to care about someone, you don't put them in a situation when they have to save your ass every time. Hell, Ash let himself be abused again and again in prison, by Golzine and many other disgusting men all series long just to be sure Eiji would be safe. Ash cared about him, not viceversa.

In ep.11 Eiji wakes Ash up by literally hitting him in the head (WTF?!), and then proceeds to joke about Ash's pubes and hints about having Ash showing him his dick. What the actual fuck?! And he already knew about the abuse Ash went through. Afterwards, he has the brilliant idea to organize a party for him with Jack O' Lanterns despite Ash telling him he's scared by them and why. During the party Ash was clearly in discomfort but who cares, it was fun, right? 😃

In ep.12 he guilt trips Ash for killing Shorter and being a murderer when he knows what kind of life Ash lives and why he does what he does. He knows Ash hates killing and hates being so good at it. He knows Ash and Shorter were best friends, so obviously he blames Ash for his friend's death, the most compassionate thing he could do.

In ep.13 Ash pleads for Eiji to go back to Japan, clearly saying that it's dangerous for him to stay there, but Eiji ignores Ash's needs and will and of course triggers another series of problems. Cherry on top, he says to himself he heard Ash's cries at night and how bad they were, but ignored him altogether. What kind of asshole does that?!

In ep.18, after Ash fought for their lives and escaped Golzine's villa, he accuses Ash to be a weak girl because he's tired and bedridden. Excuse you??? But that's not everything, because he also invites Ash to Japan saying he won't have to fight or have a weapon there, but he could work as a model instead. Tell me you didn't understand shit about Ash without telling me you didn't understand shit about Ash. He. Was. Fucking. Abused! He knew about the videos and the photos and how much Ash hates being photographed (he says so in fucking episode 1!), and he still has the nerve to propose such a job for him just because he's attractive. Sure. Let's sexualise him, nobody did that before. 'Cause his looks are the only thing that counts, not the fact that Ash's smart and kind.

In ep.20 he almost touches Ash's butt. Yeah, go ahead, that's totally fine.

In ep.22, after Ash managed to escape from Fox, injured and once again raped, he doesn't even ask him how is he or offers him his jacket, just leaves him there.

These are the most evident flaws to his character and, consequently, to his relationship with Ash that I noticed. It's not healthy for the both of them, but for Ash especially. The only reasons Ash grew fond of him it's because of his fucked up life and because he sees Eiji as the epitome of innocence, something he needs to protect to save himself too.

[iplaymatchmaker]

Hi, can I ask for a match up request for Ikevamp! I'm bi, female (she/her) sagittarius sun, virgo rising, libra moon, ENFT. I'm 5'2, chubby/curvy w/ great boobs, I have longer  brunette hair w/ peekaboo highlights (they've been every color, but currently pink), brown eyes, glasses/contacts, 7 piercings & 26 tattoos. I'm very empathetic (sometimes to a fault) and have sever anxiety and depression. It takes me awhile to warm up around new people and be myself. I often feel intimidated in big social settings, such as parties, and often use alcohol for some liquid courage to help me let loose and be me in those situations. I've suffered some emotional and mental abuse at the hands of a step parent which has left me with some trauma and triggers; people raising their voice at me or making quick movements toward me or in my direction usually result in me crying and secluding myself for awhile. Oh and I have daddy issues, thanks absent father. That said I also don't do great with authority, I hate being told what to do, and I hate being told no. I can put up with a lot of shit, but eventually it usually becomes a 'straw that broke the camels back' situation and I fly off the handle and then break down. I am also extremely generous and do all I can to help my friends and family when they need it. I have some self confidence issues from weight gain, and I usually feel my best when I'm dolled up with my makeup on and hair done, usually with a dress and heels. I'm a Ravenclaw thats hates to read, but I love learning & know tons of trivia; like I know so many random facts about so many things from history, to movies, to graveyards, and much more. I often correct people on things, which some perceive as me belittling them, but its never my intention I'm just trying to share my knowledge and trying to help them. I am very creative I love crafting; resin art, macrame, cross stich, those are just some of my favorite things to do art wise, I also enjoy coloring books. I love to laugh and think I'm pretty funny, I usually have a dark sense of humor, if you don't like humor we won't vibe together, and if you can't make me laugh we will not be a good relationship match. I like to go to the bar and do karaoke, it's one thing I've learned I'mvery good at. It took me about 2 years, but I've since learned to be confident with my singing and now its one of my favorite things to do. I drink, obviously, gin and tonic is my favorite. I also smoke, I love my hookah, and I've had my medical card for about a year and it's done wonders for my insomnia and cramps. For about 2 years I've been getting severe cramps and stomach pains, and after 5 er trips in a month they didn't find anything, its still a mystery but at least the bud helps the pain. l'm very into the witchy aesthetic; my style is either very Stevie Nicks, pinup, or 2009 emo/scene depending on the day. I collect animal skulls and bone, taxidermy, crystals, and plants; I also practice the craft & love to make spell jars for people. I love tarot and really enjoy doing it. I live for Halloween & enjoy all things macabre! My favorite show is That 70's Show and if I could live in a replica of the Forman's house that would be my dream. I am also very sex positive and rather adventurous in bed. I'm a brat and a voyeur, I'll get down with just about anything. My love language is giving and receiving gifts. I put alot of thought into holidays like Christmas, I plan months in advance to make sure I get everyone the perfect gift; but I also will sometimes see something that just reminds me of someone and have to get it for them. That is all I can think of right now to add about myself. And I feel I don't connect with Vincent at all, so I'd really rather not be paired with him. And for the prompts I'd love 4 and/or 10. Thank you so much in advance, totally appreciate you doing these, sorry it got long..

 Hello, thank you so much for requesting! 🥰 I did your ikevamp matchup first but the ikerev one is on its way. Sorry if I got something wrong, I tried to implement as much of the information as I could. I really hope you enjoy this! Also, I’m sorry to hear about your cramps, i hope you will find a permanent solution soon! Stay healthy and have an amazing day!❤

I match you with

Napoleon!

I went back and forth a bit but I ended up going with our lovely monsieur de Wahaha.

 You two would be a great match considering you both appreciate a good sense of humor. I can see you trying to out-joke each other and ending up doubled over laughing, inevitably calling it a truce.

 Whenever you’re feeling down, he tries to subtly lift you spirits without asking for explanations, unless you’re willing to give them.

  He is also very thoughtful and cares about other people so you two would totally vibe! You appreciate what he does for the children and even tune in to help sometimes, as long as it doesn’t involve fencing. 

  He is very interested in hearing about your interests and any fun fact you have to give him since he’s also eager to learn and teach new things.

 He tries to involve himself in your hobbies to understand you better. Your love for witchy related activities is a part of you that he finds very intriguing.  He’s so fascinated that he asks you to do tarots for him!

  Another thing that you have discovered is that when he’s being stubborn about waking up all it takes is for you to sing to him for his eyes to open in awe, skipping on his usual morning kiss until you’re both properly awake!

  When your first birthday with him rolled around he tried his best to come up with an amazing gift for you, wanting to make sure his love for you is clear. In the end when you unwrapped his gift you found a knitted scarf, dark purple with what tried to be stars scattered throughout. He told you he had observed you very closely while you were working on your own knitting in an attempt to figure out how to do it properly, seemingly very proud despite the garment’s wonky appearance.

 Prompt 4: Meet Cute:

You were deeply invested in your current project, knitting away when you noticed the children on the other side of the fountain, chatting around a man who seemed to be trying to explain a math problem to them. You were about to leave, opting to stay away from the loud crowd when you noticed a man sitting a few feet away from you, his head bowed and his eyes closed. You couldn’t help but put down your supplies and walk over to him, nudging his shoulder.

“Sir, are you okay?” it didn’t take more to wake him up, considering his current position. He flashed you a smile like he hadn’t just been sleeping sitting up.

“I must have fallen asleep. Thank you for waking me, Madame.” Something was odd about him and you couldn’t help but smile back at him.

 He asked you about the project you were working on after noticing the supplies next to you, not paying any mind to the sun slowly setting as you explained. You couldn’t help but  crack a smile every time his curious eyes melted into confusion, urging you to continue explaining.

When he informed you it was time for the both of you to return home- not forgetting to offer walking you back- you made mental note to visit the fountain more often.

 Prompt 10: Admission of feelings

It had been a few months since that first day you found him sleeping on the fountain. You had continued visiting him when he was giving lessons to the children, observing him closely as he taught them about a variety of things.

One of those days while you were observing his lesson, you spoke up before you could think better of it, correcting one of his statements. He seemed surprised at first, but quickly recovered, urging you to continue on with a smile on his face. Despite your worries he pulled you aside, after handing the children over to Isaac, to thank you for correcting him.

You continued to help him after that, often tuning in to help with lessons. It became a sort of routine for you. It took a while, but eventually you two started meeting outside of the impromptu classes, going for walks and the occasional dinner. He seemed increasingly interested in hearing about you.

As you two got to know each other better, he eventually discovered of your love for tarot cards. It took you by surprise when he asked you for a reading. His next words were even more surprising.

“I hope you see yourself in my future.” You didn’t understand what he meant at first, starring at him in confusion for a solid few minutes. He smiled awkwardly before continuing his thoughts, making his intentions clear.

“What I’m saying is I’d like us to be more than friends. I want to keep discovering more about you, if that’s alright with you.” After the initial shock, you nodded, smiling widely at him, your hand reaching for his. When the waiter arrived, asking if you were ready to order, blushing furiously when he realized what had transpired, you both burst into laughter, happiness bursting out of the both of you.

[hopeless-lovex0]

I HAVE A DREAM (PART 8)

Kim Hongjoong Fanfic

Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.

Hello fellow atiny and kpop stans 👋🏼 I am back with part 8 of I Have A Dream as promised. If any of you guys missed the last update or didn’t read the top part, from now on I will be updating every Friday so please look forwards to that 😃 Now I present to you guys I Have A Dream Part 8 😊

Y/N had never regretted anything more in her life then in that situation she was in that moment, the constant walking up and down the isles of clothing causing her already throbbing feet to swell in her white flowered sandals. In her hands, she carried multiple varieties of colored dresses and shirts.

A couple feet in front of her stood Mrs. Park with her hands also full, the excitement in her eyes causing them to glint in the sunlight. Never in her entire life had Y/N meet someone with such a deep passion for shopping, as if that person thrived off of just swiping their credit card left and right with multiple bags to accompany that action.

She really regretted calling Mrs. Park to hang for the day but as she giggled at her crazy squealing and constant fawning over the brand new collection of maternity dresses, she honestly couldn't ask for a better person to have in her life.

“ Y/N come over here! You need to try on the dresses I picked out.” Mrs. Park calls out and all y/n can do is sigh in defeat, knowing that she won't let her get away from her little fashion show.

Dragging her tired feet towards the dressing rooms she watches as Mrs. Park shoves multiple dresses in one of the small stalls, then turn towards her. “ Okay sweety, now just try on the dresses and show them to me! I'll love to see how you look in the bright colors!” Mrs. Park exclaims clapping her hands with an excited look on her face.

“ You know fall is just around the corner? Why am I trying out dresses?” Y/N says and all she gets in return is a blank stare. “ You can wear leggings under your dresses and plus once you get bigger all you'll be able to fit in are dresses. You'll thank me later baby girl so don't worry your pretty little head off.” Mrs. Park says as she pats her on the head.

“ Can we at least take a break after this? I'm hungry and my feet are killing me” Y/N says and Mrs. Park winces when she mentions her feet, remembering the days when she would limp from how swollen her feet we're during her pregnancy. Nodding her head, Mrs. Park shoos Y/N back into the dressing room telling her to try at least 3 out of all the dresses in the big pile.

Turning towards the pile, she picks two soft peach-colored dresses and a soft mustard colored knit dress. The softness of the dresses already convincing her that the three are the ones she'll purchase but she still decides to try them on for the sake of pleasing the older lady waiting for her outside the dressing room.

Tugging the dark blue curtain back, Y/N walks out the dressing room in the mustard dress and before she can say anything Mrs. Park starts fawning over her attracting the attention of the other customers in the store. “ Look at you honey!!” she squeals and Y/N can feel her face start flushing red from embarrassment.

“ Thanks, Mrs. Park” Y/N mumbles out causing Mrs. Park to reach forwards and pinch Y/N’s arm. “ What did I say y/n-sie~~~ Call me auntie” she whines out and all Y/N does is chuckle out, causing Mrs. Park to let out an almost childish like huff.

“ Can we go eat now? We can get back to dressing up later but right now I need some food in my system and it seems like I'm not the only one.” Y/N says as she rubs her stomach causing Mrs. Park to let out a gasp. “ Oh my goodness! Yes, of course! I can't let my two babies starve now can I?! Your brother would kill me if I somehow forgot to feed you two.” She says and with that she forces Y/N back into the dressing room, telling her to change back into her original dress.

Y/N doesn't need to be told twice because as soon as those words get out of Mrs. Park's mouth she books it back to the small room and changes back. Making sure that all her belongings are still in her purse and that she has the three dresses tucked under her arm, she quickly exits the dressing room and passes the other dresses to Mrs.Park to put them back. Walking towards the register, she takes out her wallet and waits for the cashier to ring her up.

Swaying on the heels of her feet, she waits for the cashier to tell her the total before the hairs on the back of her neck start to rise. The feeling of being watched again causing her to let out a shaky breath, the goosebumps that raise on her skin causing her to rub her arms up and down.

All throughout her day out with Mrs. Park, she had been feeling as if someone had a constant eye on her. The feeling of someone watching and following her every move scaring her beyond belief. She didn't tell Mrs. Park as she thought that maybe she was being paranoid, maybe it was Kyung Mi playing a prank on her, or maybe the little boy Jinyoung wanting to say hi to her again.

She honestly had no idea, but she was trying to keep the positive feeling in the air, knowing that freaking out and causing Mrs. Park to freak out as well would only ruin the day. Either way, if being followed and constantly being watched is what she felt then she knew she could hold out her own. The pink small taser and pepper spray shoved in the bottom of her purse reassuring her that she would be okay at least for a pregnant woman.

Paying for her dresses, she quickly shoved her credit card in her wallet and tucked it in her purse. Bidding the cashier a good day and a quick goodbye, she walked towards the exit where Mrs. Park (or in her case auntie) was standing and together they walked out the maternity clothing store.

Standing there for a couple of seconds, they start debating whether they should head towards the village's popular restaurant or towards the various food stalls lined just a block away. Knowing how packed the restaurant can get from working just across the place, they finally decide to head towards the crowded but not packed food stalls.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Mingi had never been one for conflict, always deciding to let things cool out before actually fixing the issue. From the looks of it, it seems as if Hongjoong and San were going to be fighting for a while and even though Mingi blamed no one but Hongjoong he really wished that everything would be resolved right away.

After the argument that broke out in the kitchen that morning the guys had spread around the big house wanting to escape the heavy tension that lingered on San. Wooyoung seemed to have gone to his room as well as San was sitting alone in the living room, staring blankly at the tv. Knowing that San would only drive himself insane with how quiet and how deep he was in his thoughts, Mingi decided that the least he could do was distract him for a couple of hours.

“ San, let's go out to the town square. I don't know were thing 2 is but he's obviously not going to help so let me be the one to comfort you for once.” Mingi says, breaking San from his train of thought.

“ I'll like to go... But what if we bump into y/n?.. I don't want her to think that we followed her and cause her to leave again.” San says as he rubs the skin between his eyes, letting Mingi know that whatever he was thinking about was causing him a headache.

“ Then I guess we'll just have to keep an eye out for her. C’mon you need fresh air and food. We can go get some food if you want.” Mingi walks towards San and lifts him up by the back of his shirt, causing San to let out a startled woah and stumble from the way Mingi was dragging him towards the door.

Knowing that Mingi won't take no for an answer, San takes his pair of brown boots and shoves them into his feet. Nodding towards Mingi, they both grab their wallets and phones exiting the big home and walking towards the town square.

Mingi knows that San just wants peace and quiet, the constant fighting with Hongjoong seeming to wear him down little by little due to his appearance. He wants San to let everything out, to finally be the same happy and giggly San but he knows that something like that won't be accomplished easily. The constant fighting not only affecting San and Hongjoong but all of them, all Mingi can do is pray that by the end of the month they can all return on good terms.

San expected Mingi to interrogate him the minute they walked out the door, but instead they both walked in silence. He exhales in relief mentally thanking Mingi that he didn't mention anything, the quiet chirping of the birds around them and the cool breeze dancing around them causing his shoulder to drop from their tense position.

Quickly arriving at the town square, they both decide to head towards the food stalls craving some spicy tteokbokki. They don't seems to make it far into the bustling food stalls before Mingi quickly grabs ahold of San’s sweatshirt and drags him behind a wall.

“ What happened?!? Why did you drag me over here?” exclaims San as he looks at Mingi and all Mingi does is tell him to be quiet and point towards the direction they were heading.

A couple of feet in front of them stood Y/N with Mrs. Park, the both of them giggling to each other while eating portions of glass noodles. They watch as the older one shoves more food towards Y/N telling her something before patting the younger ones swollen belly.

San stares at her in awe, the first time he saw her seemed like a blur and he didn't remember much but now he can clearly see her and watch as she freely throws her head back in amusement to something the older lady in front of her said.

He lets a small smile invade his face as he watches in adoration, the sight of her being happy and healthy causing his heart to beat rapidly. Beside him, Mingi stares at Y/N in wonder. The sight of the woman he once knew as somewhat quiet and reserved fully enjoying herself at the moment.

This was the first time he has seen her since she left and finally looking at her completely all he could do is smile warmly at the sight of her baby bump. The way she would pat her stomach or the way the older lady would lean forwards and talk to Y/N’s stomach causing him to let out a small childlike giggle. Turning towards San, he saw the look of pure love and adoration said man had for the woman just a couple feet away from him.

In that moment, Mingi knew that no matter what happened between the three currently involved in the recent events he hoped and prayed that San was the one who would get picked in the end.

Turning back around to look at the duo they were currently hiding from, they watched as they finished up their food and got up to head towards the shops. They decided to keep an eye on them in case they walked towards them and then finally eat but as they watched them walk away from the table, Mingi let's out a barely audible gasp causing San to turn towards him.

“ What happened? Did she see you?!?” San asked in a panic, getting ready to book it out of there if they were discovered but all Mingi did was grab San by the neck turning him towards where Y/N was standing.

It took San a couple of seconds to figure out what he was supposed to be looking for before his eyes finally set on her.

There a couple of feet away from Y/N stood Ji Woo. Taking slow almost cautious steps towards Y/N and the older lady with her.

Mingi watched as San’s eyes turned hard and icy, his scary glare set on the girl quickly approaching Y/N. Before San could jump up and run towards the obvious interaction that was about to occur, Mingi quickly wrapped his arms around San and told him to stay in place.

All San could do was watch helplessly as Ji Woo called out Y/N’s name, watching as the smile on her face dropped just like his heart did the minute he saw her happiness slip away like sand between his fingers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“ Wow... I honestly never in my life had such amazing glass noodles as this one's.” Y/N said as she patted her stomach letting out huff from how full she is. Mrs. Parks lets out a small laugh then leans down so that she's staring at Y/N’s belly. “ You were quite hungry weren't you little man.” She says and Y/N raises and eyebrow at her question.

“ Little man huh? Youngjo said that it was going to be a girl.” She says as she starts to clean up the mess around them, causing Mrs. Park to quickly jump towards her and clean up instead. “ Your brother is a dummy, take my advice instead okay? Throughout my pregnancy, I knew I was having a boy and I was correct. So take it from me, it's going to be a strong, healthy boy.” Mrs. Park rants on and all Y/N does is smile at her, appreciating all the little tips and advice she has been giving her in her three months living there.

Finishing up, the both start heading towards the shops on the opposite part of the street away from the food stalls. As they walk towards the direction of a clothing store Mrs. Park desperately wanted to visit, the feeling of being watched again causes Y/N’s heart to start thumping in her chest.

Choosing to ignore it, she continues to walk with Mrs. Park before the call of her name brings her to a complete stop. She feels her entire body freeze in disbelief, the person who called her taking that as a sign to continue calling her name.

Slowly turning around, she holds her breath and prays to God that whoever it was that called her isn't who she thinks it is. Her prayers seems to fail, because standing just in front of her is Ji Woo.

“ Y/N... How.. How are you?” Ji woo stutters out and all Y/N does is stare blankly at her, at loss for words. “ You left so suddenly, I didn't get the chance to talk to you.” she mutters out causing Y/N to grip onto her blue dress in order to calm herself.

Mrs. Park seems to sense her distress because she immediately stands in front of Y/N, hiding her from Ji Woo’s view. “ Can we help you, young lady?” She asks as she carefully observes Ji woo, getting ready to stop her if she decides to walk any closer.

“ Oh please call me Ji Woo, I'm Y/N’s best friend.... I came to talk to her.” Ji woo babbles on trying to get as much as she can out there in case she gets dismissed by the older lady.

Mrs. Park immediately tenses up once Ji Woo gives out her name, the name of the person she desperately wanted to curse when Y/N told her the reason she moved into their small homely village.

Clearing her throat, Mrs. Park rolls her shoulders and gives Ji Woo the best fake smile she can pull off. “ Nice to meet you Ji Woo, but me and my friend here have to go so if you'll please excuse us.” Mrs. Park tells her, quickly turning around and taking now Y/N’s trembling hands.

Walking right behind Y/N in case Ji Woo decides to grab her, Mrs. Park start to speed walk towards the direction of her house before Ji Woo’s scratchy and nasally voice stops them in their tracks.

“ Y/N, please... Please don't leave again. I want to apologize for what I did. I want to make it up to you.” she begs, following closely behind the pair. Y/N rapidly shakes her head, and tugs at Mrs. Park wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

Ji Woo seems to be growing impatient as the volume of her voice increases the more they walk away from her. “ Y/N CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME, YOU CAN’T JUST DROP YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP OVER SOMETHING SO DUMB.” she screams out, attracting the attention of people around the area.

“ STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS Y/N! HOW ABOUT YOU FACE ME LIKE A REAL WOMAN HUH? CAN YOU DO THAT FOR A MINUTE! HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO BE A GOOD MOTHER IF YOU CAN’T EVEN FACE ME RIGHT NOW!” Ji Woo yells out causing the duo to stop in their tracks and the chatter around them falls down to just whispering.

Y/N lets out a small sob, the shaking of her hands now having consumed her whole body causing random people around them to whine out in sympathy. She slowly turns around to look at Ji Woo but instead makes eye contact with Mrs. Park. She lets out a small gasp from how mad she looks, the soft look that she would always have in her eyes completely gone instead replaces with the sharp look of anger.

Ji Woo seems to still be yelling out towards them, attracting more attention to them, “ LOOK I’M SORRY I SLEPT WITH HONGJOONG BUT IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME! IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU WEREN’T A GOOD GIRLFRIEND TO HIM.” she continues to scream, and her last statement seems to shake the crowd around them looking at Ji Woo in disbelief and disgust.

Before Y/N can stop her, Mrs Park swiftly turns around and marches straight towards Ji Woo. The look on Mrs. Park's face seems to shut Ji Woo up as she watches her stomp towards her in a menacing way. Nobody seems to stop her as Mrs. Park lifts up her hand and strikes Ji Woo across the face, the loud sound that resonates from the harsh slap causing everybody to let out a gasp. A couple of feet away from the scene stand two guys leaning against the wall watching the turn of events, one of them gaping at the slap in shock and the other one smirking and mentally cheering for the older lady.

“ I've never in my life raised my hand at someone, much less thought about hitting someone... But you.. You deserved this and so much more.” Mrs Park spits out, rubbing her throbbing hand from how much force she used to smack Ji Woo.

Ji Woo carefully lifts her shaking hand towards her already bruising cheek, the bottom lip split and bleeding. She watches as various people crowd around Y/N to comfort her and multiple other people stand behind Mrs. Park to come to her defense.

“ Now you listen to me very closely, I may not know you well but I know just enough to figure out that you're the good for nothing ”best friend” that slept with y/n’s boyfriend. Of course he's as much of a low life as you and even though I don't like the idea of hitting someone I'll gladly do it to him as well.” Mrs Park says as she watches Ji Woo tear up.

“ I expect you to leave this village and never come back. The police in this place may not be that bright, so if it comes down to it I'll personally drag you out of here myself. Do I make myself clear?” she says and the people around her yell out in agreement, the small crowd around Y/N who are currently comforting her nodding their heads along as well.

Knowing that the older lady in front of her won't hesitate to do as she says, Ji Woo gives one final look at Y/N holding eye contact for a couple of seconds before finally turning around and running away towards her car.

Mrs. Park watches her to make sure that she leaves and once she sees Ji Woo’s car speed away from the area she quickly turns around and pulls Y/N into her arms. Thanking the people around her for taking care of the girl she considers family.

Shushing the crying girl in her arms, she covers her with a black floral cardigan and carefully begins to lead her towards her house. The group around her clear a path for them, giving out words of comfort to the pregnant woman, letting her know that if she ever needs help they'll happily help her telling her that she's apart of the village family.

Making it to Mrs. Park's bright yellow house, they both enter the warm and spacious living room. Leading her towards the soft beige L shaped couch, she sits Y/N in the middle of it taking notice of her quiet sniffing.

Carefully peeling the cardigan off of her, she takes Y/N’s face into her hands and wipes away the tears falling from her eyes. “ You're okay now sweety, she's gone now. I won't let her near you again you hear me.” she firmly states causing Y/N to throw herself onto Mrs. Park’s arms, wanting desperately to be held by someone.

“ I don't want to be that sad ever again. I don't want to cry the moment someone mentions what happened... I want to be happy for me and my baby. I want to finally forget everything and live in peace.” Y/N says as she weeps into Mrs. Parks arms, hiding her face in the older woman's shoulder.

“ I won't let you be that sad ever again baby... You'll have a happy life, you'll live in peace. You and your baby and whether you decide to open up your heart again maybe even a boyfriend or husband, you'll be happy I know it. You want to know how I know this? Because I'll make sure of it.” Mrs. Park whispers to the crying girl in her arms, lifting her hands and rubbing her back.

“ I'll take care of you two... You won't ever have to feel alone again sweety. Auntie will take care of you and your baby.” she says as she caresses Y/N’s stomach, the girl in her arms slowly calming down.

They sit there a couple of seconds before Y/N's broken whisper breaks the silence.

“ Thank you... Thank you so much for everything... I love you auntie.”

Mrs. Park feels her eyes water at the nickname, having been the first time that Y/N actually used it. Pulling the pregnant girl closer, she places a tender kiss to her head.

“ I'll take care of both of you... You don't have to worry about a thing... Not a single thing my sweet girl.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: Are you on your way here? Jac: I hadn't started to get ready yet Jac: got caught up doing some prep for our next lecture, haven't looked at the clock in a minute 🤯 whoops Savannah: well thank god, I was hoping to catch you before having to dramatically tell you to turn around, especially if you had happened to be half way to me Jac: Oh? Jac: What's going on in UH tonight? 😄 Savannah: Nothing, which is perhaps why we're the centre of attention Jac: 😬 Don't love the sound of that Jac: what's been said? Savannah: I'm not even sure because the way she was saying it gave me the most INTENSE Catholic school flashbacks Savannah: & I've overanalysed every syllable to the point that it's been twisted beyond recognition so I can't be trusted to reliably relay any of it Jac: Okay, pause Jac: who's being mean to you, and why on earth Jac: Is it that one girl in the next room along from you, because I did think she was someone's little sister so I can believe the immaturity Savannah: I think she was trying to be complimentary about us but I didn't take it like that, I can't, not after everything Jac: Baby Jac: just try to explain it best you can Jac: take your time, and I'll forgive any personal interjection Jac: because I care more about how it's made you feel, than how it was said or meant, really Savannah: she's made me feel like I'm doing this all wrong, exactly how I said I wouldn't, holding you back and being too much Jac: But you aren't at all Jac: what would she even know about it, she doesn't know either of us, even a little bit Savannah: maybe that unbiased outside perspective is what I needed to make me realise the mistakes I'm making Savannah: because it isn't just her, they're all talking about how you're ALWAYS here, how inseparable we are Jac: Do you feel like we're taking things too fast, being too much? Savannah: No Savannah: but I didn't last time either Jac: okay Jac: because you know you can tell me, if you are Jac: I mean, I don't know what to do with this information Jac: we don't judge them for their relationships Savannah: I was fine, but I'm scared now, obviously Jac: that we're like you and Tyler, or you and Milo Jac: or that we're repeating our past and it'll end badly again Savannah: that I can't have a relationship that isn't ridiculously co-dependent, except it's not even, because that implies that they were as extra as I was Savannah: & that I shouldn't have entered into this one if I haven't changed enough to avoid repeating things Jac: They balanced you out Jac: and I don't Savannah: they let me do whatever I wanted, that isn't what I want from you Jac: but if it's what we both want Jac: it's hard for me to think we should listen more to these girls, who are probably speaking at least from a bit of jealousy, than that Savannah: No, because it isn't what we both want, a healthy relationship is what we both want Jac: Yeah Jac: you're right, of course Jac: but, I don't like the implication that they know what works for us Jac: if we need to reevaluate, it can still be on our terms Jac: I bet lots of them have never had a serious relationship, or only the same level of unhealthy as we have before, they're not qualified Savannah: They don't know us or have any qualifications & I believe you're right about the jealousy factor but I am still willing to see & use this as the wake up call that I need to do better Jac: We can do that Jac: I trust you Jac: I'm not going to see this as you pulling away or something I've done Savannah: please don't, because it isn't Jac: It was my initial fear Jac: but you never leave me to worry Jac: and the fact that I immediately went there is just something I need to address too Savannah: you have reason to go there, it's okay Savannah: how I handled things back then is precisely what I'm trying to avoid Jac: I completely see that, I honestly do Jac: I'm sorry if I got defensive right there Savannah: & I can see that I've slightly overreacted now that I've slightly calmed down Jac: It made me feel the same Jac: like you said, the school flashbacks are no joke Savannah: I'm so sorry I told you not to come, I'd hate for you to think that's what I want, ever Jac: It's okay, we can take a night off Jac: but I'm also not gonna tell you you can't come to mine instead, once they've all gone back to their rooms or whatever Savannah: are you going to tell me what prep you were doing which I should've been instead of freaking out? Savannah: because I need to know Jac: Of course Jac: we haven't competed like that for a LONG time now Jac: it's not like we were asked but I asked [your fave prof bff 'cos lord knows I'm using the photos] on the way out last week if there was anything we could study up on ready for next term Savannah: once I've done everything he has suggested & fixed my 😢 face I'll come over Jac: My poor boo, I hate that they upset you so much Jac: also that we only have showers Jac: or I'd recommend a bubble bath as first order of business Savannah: honestly the lack of 🛀🏾🥂 upsets me more than anything Savannah: but in all seriousness, it wasn't even those girls at fault, I got myself worked up Jac: it is a travesty Jac: we need a place with an en-suite next year Jac: because the idea of sharing a bath with god knows who is no more appealing than NOT having one 😰 Jac: it's okay, I won't insist on being that stereotype and 'having a word' with them, they can live, for now Savannah: if checking into a hotel wouldn't be viewed as the ULTIMATE overreaction, I definitely would use the 💳 my dad insisted upon giving me Jac: I can only imagine the flashbacks that would give him 🙄 Jac: not worth the stress nor satisfaction Jac: though I was thinking we could do something, go somewhere, before the Christmas hols, as we will both be obligated to go all in with the family during Savannah: there would be SO MUCH satisfaction but I promise, I'll resist and be good, for now Savannah: no such promises of 👼🏾 for a family Christmas though, so I love that idea Jac: We can make that happen with just a shower, I promise you Jac: even if we just see a bit more of Edinburgh, get that hotel, I wanna treat you Jac: and no one can stop me spending as much time as we're able lavishing attention on you before we have to go back Jac: because it's going to be stressful, we both know that much already Savannah: if you're feeling left out because your entire dorm isn't talking about us, I can make that happen once we're 🚿 Savannah: you're the most thoughtful girlfriend in the entire world, but if that's something we're about to start competing over in place of academics, that's more than fine with me Jac: I might regret saying I can handle that but Jac: I don't Jac: 😳😳 Savannah: you won't have any, I promise Jac: I love you Savannah: I'm utterly in love with you Jac: I'll never get over hearing that Savannah: you don't have to because I love your 😳 too Jac: It's so different Jac: even though we used to say it like all the time Savannah: you know I meant it every time, it just had to be different Jac: and it is Jac: third time's a charm Jac: we'll make it work this time, no matter how much work that might be Jac: because it's so worth it Savannah: yes, it is and we will Jac: I'm gonna order all your faves when you get here Savannah: 🥰 Savannah: hopefully the lecture prep won't take me too long Jac: you can always read through mine Jac: it's not like it's cheating, just a better way to do a study sesh Savannah: if you're going to send it to me, absolutely, but if you're expecting me to concentrate on reading through it when I get there, I'm sorry but there's no way Jac: I'm not that 😈 Jac: at least not at the sake of your education Savannah: & thank goodness as my parents are both already doing the most to interfere with my education right now with their constant communication Jac: yet imagine your dad in particular if you did any less than perfect Jac: I don't know how he fails to see how counterproductive the constant checking in is Savannah: or the pressure that he's been putting on me to spend Christmas with him from literally November 1st, I swear Savannah: it hasn't slipped his mind that I had no choice but to do that for the last two, even if the unfairness to my mother is something he refuses to think about Jac: Yes, I was about to say Jac: he'll have to think about how he's going to timeshare more efficiently with your mum now, just because it was his way or nothing for two whole years Jac: clearly, that didn't work so well for anyone BUT him Savannah: he thinks he can dictate to me as if I'm no older than I was when he forced me to leave & as though nothing has changed since then Savannah: I'm not going to jeopardise my mum's recovery by not spending time with her in the holidays Jac: To even suggest, let alone expect that from you Jac: even if he's not thinking about your mother, why would he want that guilt for you Jac: at least he cannot literally force you onto a plane to Sligo instead of Dublin Jac: it's getting Sienna, that needs to be planned Savannah: I'm at my wits end with her, it's like she doesn't see the problem Savannah: of course I'd understand her reluctance to spend it with mum but it's all about him, every single of her reasonings, because they aren't even really hers Savannah: she just fully believes whatever dad says Jac: 😕 That's hard Jac: because it automatically puts you in the bad guy camp Jac: because obviously it's nicer to believe that he only wants what's best etc Jac: but when she realizes that's not totally true, that'll be shattering Savannah: she's going to get hurt by him again, as if I wasn't there when he walked out teaching her to question everything that comes out of a man's mouth, that man in particular Savannah: I hate it Jac: I know 😞 Jac: all you're trying to do is protect her Jac: is she interested at coming like, at all? Jac: even if not the actual day of Savannah: It's not like I want her to spend her time and energy until her leavers cert hating him as much as I do, I know it'll be different for her now that I'm gone Savannah: but we get nowhere whenever I try to talk to her about mum, irrespective of the actual subject Savannah: I'm not giving up, of course, but I won't pretend to you that it isn't exhausting Jac: Of course you don't, you'd never tell her what to think Jac: but if you can see things differently, or remember how it was last time, it doesn't make you a bad sister, it's the opposite Jac: you never do ❤ Jac: I was just wondering, though this would be a bit morally dubious Jac: if we could trick her into spending some time with your mum Jac: I could make my sister invite her to something legit, like a family party Jac: your dad MIGHT say yes? I don't know Savannah: at this point I'm so close to walking away from everyone for the sake of my own mental health to spend the holidays alone & obviously that's not a real option I have available to me so I'm more than ready to do it & take the bad karma if it backfires Jac: I understand, last Christmas, I would've given anything to do just that Jac: I think it could work, your dad being the only potential block Jac: we could go for the second half, do New Years with her, maybe Savannah: 😞 I'm going to make sure you have the best Christmas this year, baby, whether or not this works Jac: I've got you, that's all I need for it to be perfect Jac: and we will work this out Jac: but as you said, it isn't even time yet, so you don't have to figure it all out tonight Jac: but when we do, you will have a peaceful and joyful Christmas, if it's the last thing I do Savannah: You're perfect & you're getting my undivided attention tonight, I truly do not care what opinion any or every American girl in this town has or decides to share Jac: A no-phone policy does not even need to be implemented when you're so beautiful Jac: it'd practically be a sin to not use every sense on you Jac: but seriously, whilst they may have a point, we're also further along than they might assume Jac: like I said, if they've never had a proper relationship, they're used to not getting texts back and having to be cool about it 🤷 Jac: we don't have to tone ourselves down or lessen what we have, if it doesn't serve us to do so, only in the ways it might Savannah: I will implement one though, some kind of a genuine family emergency happening again notwithstanding Savannah: I learnt a LOT about sin in Catholic school & you're totally right Savannah: you're the only person who I'd tone anything down for & since you haven't asked me, I really don't think it's necessary Jac: I appreciate it, a lot, you know that, right? Jac: the cliche isn't totally baseless then Jac: you can tell me all about it but we better keep that on the down-low 🤫 Savannah: okay, you don't want that specific dialogue broadcast to your entire dorm, just our mutual appreciation Savannah: I can do that Jac: I can only imagine how enthusiastic the boys would be Jac: and I only care about your enthusiasm Savannah: ugh, true Savannah: I forget too easily that we're not totally on our own once the door is closed, which I'm sure is what lead to that conversation taking place earlier Jac: We aren't the only ones who do that Jac: I swear to God I've heard at least four different girls going next door 🙄 Savannah: 🙄 not to mention I'm still getting woken up by a certain person we don't like just being loud while she undergoes her morning routine, which has literally been happening since I first moved in Jac: I can't deal with how loud she is Jac: the accent makes it so grating Jac: is she trying to be an influencer? make friends? either or 😬 honey no Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I'm going to have to start going to bed earlier to compensate once lectures start Jac: She a THOUSAND percent has booked herself all afternoon/evening lectures and won't get why everyone is making such a big deal ??? Jac: so that girl Jac: I do my best work in the AM, that's just facts, not all of us plan to party through the entire experience, come on Savannah: So do I, as you know, so if she doesn't take the numerous hints once they are coming from more than just me, I'll have to move in with you & be that girl Savannah: which would entirely negate all the rational points I made earlier Jac: God, there needs to be a way to complain about her without it being dead obvious Jac: an amnesty box of sorts Jac: I'm still looking for doubles but no one is moving yet Savannah: If I have to befriend her to initiate the behaviour change that way, I guess I'll get used to the accent Savannah: you've said my 🥺 is like a superpower Jac: it would be very on-brand Jac: basically work experience for us Jac: and they are but she might fall for you and then she'd be around even more Savannah: oh no, imagine how vocal she would be if she did Savannah: it would be beyond difficult to cope with Jac: I would not cope Jac: at all Jac: so I shan't imagine it Savannah: 😄 Jac: 😥 Savannah: Baby, don't 😥 Jac: I'll have to go back to being a TOTAL bitch from hell if she dares Savannah: 🥺 no Savannah: you're an angel Savannah: & she isn't worth your time or energy, I am Jac: You Jac: x2 Jac: I don't care about anyone else here Jac: in the nicest way possible, of course Savannah: except [whatever your professor bff's name is] that's evident in the notes you've sent me Jac: Okay, he's pretty cool Jac: and definitely gonna help us get perfect marks Savannah: you definitely don't need his help Savannah: I'd almost forgotten just how intelligent you are Jac: I'll try not to be offended Jac: even though I was still totally convinced you'd be going to Bath before I saw you Savannah: I mean, actually, not in a romanticised way because of how much I was in awe of you Savannah: & I did go there, before I made up my mind which offer to accept & it didn't feel right Jac: I'm only teasing, I know that Jac: 🌌💫 Savannah: we were supposed to be here together, like we always talked about Savannah: I shouldn't have ever tried to fight that Jac: I couldn't even bring myself to check your socials before Jac: I don't know what I didn't want to see more, you know Jac: confirmation either way was just, no Savannah: I understand Jac: If I'd have seen gap year plans with Milo, that would not have been it Savannah: most of the time that we were intending to plan was spent arguing anyway, I'm not sure he really wanted to go at any stage of it Savannah: with me, I mean Jac: You weren't right for each other Jac: he's lost a lot more from that deal than you have Savannah: He'll be having a lovely time in hostels, undoubtedly Savannah: it won't be a culture shock at all Jac: Checks out Jac: authentic experience Jac: inserting himself with all the other foreigners Savannah: 🙄 Savannah: if I thought he had a posh accent, lord knows what they'll think Jac: he'll be stimulating the economy, they'll pretend he's not unbearable Savannah: at least he'll be stimulating something, I suppose Jac: 😂 Jac: you said it, not me Savannah: it speaks to my experience Jac: how anyone has the nerve to 🥱 you when you're so interesting is so offensive to me Savannah: it's not his fault that nobody else could ever be as interesting to me as you are, but he is responsible for the effort, or lack of that he put in Jac: no, it'd take someone really special to fight the 🌌💫 and it's plans for us Jac: and I can imply he wasn't that person, without being petty about it Savannah: it's honesty, he wasn't that person & he'd be the first to say so Jac: you're already happier, aren't you? Jac: on this path, this direction Savannah: yes, the happiest Jac: 😊🥰 Savannah: excuse me while I have one of those moments where I can't believe any of this is really happening & fully expect to wake up in Sligo for the summer to the realisation it was the most incredible dream Jac: It's actually such a fear Jac: I never want to go to sleep when I'm with you Jac: for that reason, and the obvious being I can't look at you with my eyes closed Savannah: but if you don't your subconscious can't talk to me & you know how much I love that Jac: so far Jac: what if I say something totally stupid and betray myself 😱 Savannah: you could never say anything stupid & I know you aren't going to betray yourself or me Jac: You trust me, I trust you Savannah: exactly Jac: if I ever say anything really cringe, you can just not tell me, yeah 😅 Savannah: 😄 like what? Jac: anything our favourite American might say, for example Savannah: she isn't actually going to attempt to flirt with me, boo Jac: I know, she's the definition of straight Jac: bless her Savannah: ^^ she's the only person I would apply the word definition to, literally anyone else has the ability to change & grow but she's CLEARLY set in her loud ways Jac: ^ That's totally the vibe Jac: she made her mind up aged 10 she was right and hasn't moved an inch since, whatever the subject Savannah: you're so right Savannah: What were you like when you were 10? Jac: Oh God Jac: let me think Jac: so, fourth class, absolutely LIVID over the fact we had 2 more years of first school after that Jac: thought I was way too grown-up for EVERYTHING Jac: there was probably some boyband I was into but if there was, I don't remember but Isabelle probably still has the merch and posters on her wall Jac: hopefully I was less insufferable when we properly met those years later Jac: how about you? Savannah: I can totally relate, except of course I thought I was too grown up for boybands too Jac: Totally Jac: it was like a secret shame but she had none, Amelia neither Jac: so I kinda had to go with it Savannah: 😄 Savannah: I had a very overprotective father who wouldn't have let me go to those concerts even if I had wanted to so Jac: it made sense to be anti then Jac: it was a lot of screaming and pre-teen hormones, it might've felt like it at the time, but you didn't miss out on a whole lot Savannah: if there'd been a girl band of that era I'd have been much more likely to have supported them, as a fierce little feminist Jac: Adorable Jac: you were cute, I remember that much Savannah: you've always been cute, I've seen the photos Jac: at least my hair had grown back in a decent amount by then Jac: I was so jealous of yours Savannah: really? I didn't even know how to properly style it back then Savannah: but I still insisted, obviously, instead of letting my mum help me Jac: I liked that Jac: you didn't just let your mum braid it and put a bow in Jac: I have to assume that was my logic when I cut mine Jac: independence, making my own choice Savannah: I thought I could do ANYTHING, it's embarrassing how big my aspirations were Savannah: & that there was no limit on the choices I had, there was total belief in that too Jac: it's nice Jac: I wish we stayed like that Savannah: imagine my 🥺 when I discovered inequality & where I was supposed to fit into it as a black girl, except don't because I was utterly devastated Savannah: we still have big dreams though & more choices than 10 year old me did Jac: I don't wanna cry Jac: you're still going to get everything you want Jac: and you've had to work twice as hard for it, no one can take that away from you Savannah: no 😢 we're both going to have a beautiful life Jac: ✨🌼🌷❤☀️❤🌹🌻✨ Savannah: I'll help you & you'll help me Savannah: now that I'm more willing to accept it than I was as a child Jac: and your hair is undeniably flawless Jac: we can do anything Savannah: Oh my god, it's my turn to be jealous of yours & I always am Jac: the fact you can be jealous of anyone blows my mind Jac: you are perfection Jac: but you can play with my hair all you want now Savannah: but not literally right now 🥺 Jac: life is so unfair Jac: I'm so proud of you though, working so hard Savannah: well I'm even prouder of you, these notes are flawless Jac: I've got my uses, yeah Savannah: [a picture of her own aesthetic af notes so far because we are both those bitches] Jac: [truly, could rinse the studyblr tag with these two] Jac: 😍😍😍 you've picked such pretty colours Savannah: [I have saved some cute psychology ones off pinterest for when they start their studies] Savannah: they do match my outfit but if I start sending pictures of myself I'll never finish Jac: if you start sending pictures of yourself, I'll find it harder to be supportive of your studies Savannah: I miss you too Jac: as long as we're in that together too Jac: I'll survive Jac: my room does need tidying before you get here Savannah: you're adorable, you don't have to tidy up for me Jac: for my notes to look perfect, my room has to get a little messy Jac: oh, and my hair, probably Savannah: I can fix your hair for you after we 🚿 Jac: as long as you don't think I look terrible when you show and run straight back Savannah: I've been 😢 so I don't have any room to judge but even if I did, you could never look terrible & there is no conceivable reason that I'd ever run away from you Savannah: but if you need to shown all of that when I get there, it's okay, I'm happy to Jac: I'm so needy, I'm sorry Savannah: you're allowed to want me & not be sorry Savannah: I definitely don't see it as a negative Jac: Good Jac: I haven't done this before Jac: I don't ever wanna be too much Savannah: well, you aren't doing it alone & I trust us more than the opinion of a random American girl I'm currently stuck living with Savannah: any amount of reassurance you need for any reason, it's fine, I promise Jac: 😌 I'm cool Jac: but thank you Jac: there's no one else I would want to or could do this with Savannah: there's no need to thank me, I'll do anything to make sure you feel happy & secure Jac: and I intend to return the favour, always Jac: in every way available to me Savannah: 😊 I know, I meant what I said earlier, you're very good at this, first time girlfriend or not Jac: I've got to be a worthy competitor and you're 👼🏾 Savannah: Catholic school taught me a lot about 👼🏾 too Jac: I'm so relieved they still had to give you an actual education as well Jac: I can only imagine how hard Science could've fallen by the wayside Savannah: still, I will not be enrolling my 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 when they're old enough Jac: at least you don't have to make that decision for a while yet Savannah: which is just as well because my immediate response was 'thank god', how blasphemous Savannah: 🙏🏾 hasn't guided this decision but there is a LOT of  🙌🏾 involved Jac: he'd approve if that was the only precaution you took, like Savannah: his approval would have to eclipse my actual father's disapproval, which is BEYOND unlikely Jac: 🙏🏾 is less vocal Jac: it's more signs than 🔊 Savannah: I think that's ⛪️ dependent, some 🙏🏾🙌🏾 is very vocal Jac: actual GOD himself though Savannah: hmm, well he is a man Savannah: it makes communication more challenging Jac: I'm sure little Savannah would've said herself Savannah: child me would've believed that god is a woman, another dream shattered for sure Jac: a woman wouldn't have done so poorly Jac: it's a compliment, really Savannah: exactly, with the zero communication, it'd be like excuse me honey, why are you so angry at me that you've blocked me? Jac: that kind of drama is reserved for me Savannah: not even, I know what I did to you Jac: you didn't do anything to me, not on purpose, I always knew that Savannah: it wasn't on purpose but that doesn't mean it's okay Savannah: I hurt you anyway Jac: We were both hurt and hurting Jac: it was a lot Savannah: yes, but it's important that you don't make excuses for me simply because of how much you want to forgive me Jac: I won't Jac: I can just recognize my role in everything too Jac: as well as the other factors that neither of us could control Savannah: ^^ we're not going to get hung up on it to the extent that it ruins everything, but we can & will acknowledge it all so that doesn't either Savannah: I do love a balancing act 😄🙄 Jac: You do it flawlessly Jac: but we don't have to examine our past and our current behaviour constantly Jac: night's off are self-care Jac: tonight can be one of them, we'll just be Savannah: okay Savannah: I don't know why it feels like I haven't seen you in a really long time, I swear I didn't fully disassociate during my freak out earlier Jac: I feel it too Jac: judge away, everyone Jac: we're making up for lost time Savannah: they'd understand if I actually let them spend time with you instead of stealing you away on sight Jac: I can't pretend to be devastated Jac: you're the most interesting to me Savannah: I can't pretend I regret it either Jac: 🥰 Jac: we have plenty of time to socialize Jac: and we do, with people who are relevant, like people on our course and the psych society Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: It's not my fault she isn't looking over my shoulder when I'm super active in both of those group chats Savannah: I was literally setting up a study group before she cornered me, excuse her Jac: 🙄🙄🙄 I don't care for her at all, even if she's brought a potential problem to our attention before it was Jac: like thanks but still, bye though Jac: maybe the rest of her art history course does NOT love her either 😬 like if YOU'RE lonely, just say Savannah: mhmm Savannah: if anybody understands loneliness, we do Jac: right, if the ego was taken out of it, we'd try to spend time with her, and loads of other people in your dorm etc would too Jac: she's not helping herself rn Savannah: I also totally understand overconfidence as a front for insecurity, like hello??! She could have an ally in me if she'd approach things differently Jac: 🤞 she gets there before the year is out Jac: I don't want anyone struggling, seriously Jac: but I know forcing friendships when they aren't happening naturally isn't healthy Jac: never mind accepting people's toxic behaviour when we're actively trying not to do or be that Savannah: I couldn't agree more Savannah: though, despite what I said before about her not flirting with me, there is a very high possibility she'll fall in love with you if you keep being so perfect Savannah: everyone will Savannah: it's not as if she has to like girls to appreciate your intelligence, empathy or compassion, even if understanding your resilience & determination is clearly a harder task for her right now Savannah: a beautiful soul is a beautiful soul Jac: 🥺 Jac: Baby Jac: beautiful recognizes beautiful, that's all I have to say Jac: you make me feel so much better than I've ever thought I am Savannah: I can't say if I achieve nothing else while I'm here I'll be satisfied, because you know me better than that, but I am proud to be able to list that as an ongoing one because I've never met a better person than you Savannah: you deserve to feel it Savannah: & if you are what you love, what a good person you are shamelessly works in my favour too Jac: you're the most incredible person I've ever known Jac: it just sounds like a baseless compliment, there's no way to adequately put it, at least not without some serious time and work to try Savannah: not from you, there's no such thing Jac: I'm not the one that can write songs, sadly Savannah: but you could write a song I'd like more Jac: 😅 Savannah: I know he's your brother but no Jac: Don't worry, not a weird clause that to date me you have to think his music is amazing Jac: I'd actually hate that, to be honest Savannah: I'm beyond relieved Jac: I'm relieved no one here knows who he is, or who I am in relation Jac: that was getting annoying, towards the end Savannah: poor boo, I can't even imagine Jac: oh well Jac: this fresh start is going better than I could have even dreamed on my craziest day Savannah: me too & you're really keeping me sane Jac: God knows we've got to get through this experience and THRIVE Savannah: ^^ 👏🏾 Savannah: We will, failure to do so is literally not an option Jac: Exactly Jac: I refuse Jac: to let either of us Savannah: speaking of, these notes are done Savannah: so I'll be there soon Jac: I'll come out with the blasphemy too Jac: because I need to see you so bad now Savannah: It's mutual Jac: Hurry Jac: but don't forget your coat, it's cold Savannah: 🥰 I totally would have for the same reason I don't think either of us can be held responsible for what we're about to say, so thank you Jac: I can't let you freeze Jac: even though warming you up is beyond a welcome responsibility Savannah: & I can't lie, my coat is more fashionable than practical, I'll still need you Jac: You've got me Jac: shower, tea and all the bed cuddles you could want Savannah: you're going to make me cry again Jac: sweetie Jac: you can cry but wait 'til you're inside and with me so we don't have to thaw out the icicle teardrops Savannah: [a picture of her with that glitter tears filter than samantha loves so much because sadly I don't actually have one] Jac: Wow Jac: that's my girlfriend Savannah: I can't get over hearing that from you Jac: I can't get over saying it Jac: even just to myself Savannah: It sounds so different when a boy says it Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I don't even know how to explain it, it's like it stripped me of something instead of giving me something Savannah: it felt like, oh, I'm just your girlfriend now, okay Jac: like a kind of diminishment of who you are Jac: not the pride to be with you and know you and love you Jac: I see that Jac: I was never anyone's girlfriend, but that's the feeling I got from them Jac: a title for THEM not YOU Savannah: of course you understand, you always do Jac: not that I was bothered what they thought Jac: but it would have been upsetting if I was, definitely Savannah: I hate that Jac: it's okay, that's all over Savannah: I'm going to make you so happy Jac: I know you will

[persephone-is-here-omg]

So... I saw a post this morning. And I've been thinking about it.

Also, this is me, totally, projecting my own experience as someone who lives in a place people wanna leave into Steve and Bucky's relationship. So feel free to think whatever you want.

I wanna preface this by saying that I don't think Steve could have done more for Bucky than he had already done before Endgame. And it was even more meaningful because every time Steve went out of his way to save Bucky, it was proven at some point it was the right thing to do. And then Steve and the rest of the team saved the Universe, and in doing so brought Bucky back. Once again.

Of course, Bucky looked sad when Steve left. I've been in a similar position several times in the last 3 or 4 years. Friends and family leaving for the oportunity of a better life. Obviously, you are sad, because this person that means so much to you is leaving. That doesn't mean you don't agree with what they're doing: Seeking the oportunity of a better life? A more happy one? Humans are complicated. And, as I've experienced many times, you can in fact be happy and sad over the same thing at the same time.

Bucky can fare pretty well on his own. He's been there and done that. He was on his own for over 18 months between Winter Soldier and Civil War. He is not dependent on Steve. And he has come to a point where he can and will save himself when it comes to it. I refuse to see Bucky and Steve as grossly co-dependent as a lot of people in the Marvel fandom make them out to be. Because, wether fictional or real, that is not healthy. More so, if this was a male/female relationship a lot of the same people who paint Steve and Bucky as co-dependent would be up in arms talking about how un-healthy their relationship is.

I won't, either, accuse anyone of "queer-baiting" with their relationship. Why? Because no one at Marvel ever said they were gay. Y'all told that to yourselves. And that is a valid interpretation. But, canonically speaking... No one queerbaited y'all but yourselves.

Another thing that completely baffles me is this idea that the only reason Steve would help Bucky is because he's in love with him. And that interpretation of what drives Steve to do the right thing says more about you as a person than as him as character. You mean to say that the only reason you'd go out of your way to help someone is because you want to fuck them? And not because it is the right thing to do? Or, simply, because hey are your friend? Because if that is it, fuck that.

Fuck. That.

But going back to the initial point: Bucky looked sad because seeing your best friend leave is sad. That doesn't mean you don't agree with what they're doing or that you're not happy for them. And this is me totally speaking from personal experience, so, whatever.

[allitbb]

In the name of love

Ok. So. Been writing Pitch Perfect fanfic lately, cuz why not right? This is my latest little bit. If you'd like to read the rest, please visit my AO3. Link at the bottom.

Beca watched as Chicago dipped and kissed Chloe. She cringed by instinct. She honestly couldn't help it. But she schooled her face within seconds.

Theo began talking and Beca was extremely grateful for that. She needed the distraction. Just for a bit. It always takes her a bit to cool off. She's been through this many times with Chloe. Here we go again. Maybe this time it will stick. Maybe this time Chloe will finally be happy.

Later that night Beca happened to be in the hotel lobby. Well not happened to be. She was purposely in the lobby. She was waiting for Captain America to leave Chloe for the night. She finally caught sight of him exiting the elevator with a goofy grin on his face. Beca sighed. Suck it up, Mitchell. This is your choice.

"Hey, Chicago!" Beca yelled and waited for him to spot her. Once he did, he furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Beca? What are you doing down here? Chloe was looking for you." He said as he walked to her.

Beca chuckled. "Yeah, I just figured I'd give you guys some privacy. Take a seat. These hotel lobbies don't have comfy couches for nothing."

Chicago sat and gave Beca a sly look. "Is this the best friend talk? Should I be shaking?"

Beca chuckled. "Something like that. But am I going to threaten physical violence? No. But I do want to talk."

"Ok. Let's talk." Chicago smiled.

She sure does pick the lookers. Beca sighed and shook our her shoulders. Once she was hyped enough she dove right in. "So. I know you guys haven't known each other long. But. Are you planning on turning this into something? Or is this just a tour thing?"

"Well. I mean, I hope it can turn into something? She's super sweet. Definitely the girl next door type. I hope we can work something out."

Beca nodded. "Well I'm glad you're honest. Most guys just say shit like 'absolutely!' Without giving it any real thought. So. The Army? Is that like a lifelong commitment thing for you?"

"Uh. Actually. I joined the guard to pay for college. I have another year left before I can call it quits. I don't plan on reupping. My plan is to return to the states and finish out the year with my unit and then find a place to settle down and call home."

Beca nodded. This might actually work. "So what do you plan on doing after your contract is up?"

Chicago fidgeted. "Well. I went to college for computer engineering. So I hope I can put that degree to good use."

Beca smiled. He'll be home. That's good. "Cool. So here's the deal. You seem nice. And genuine. I like that. Obviously Chloe is attracted to you so that's a plus. I'm going to give you a few pointers. To help you get things rolling. If in a year, and you still are with her and have held up to your word, you can ask me for more. I won't give you more until I know you're serious. Got it?"

Chicago nodded vigorously.

"Good." Beca sighed. "Ok. Take notes."

"Do you mind if I record this? I'm terrible at notes. I recorded all the lectures in college. So much easier."

Beca chuckled. Well at least he's taking this seriously. "Sure. Go right ahead." Beca waited for him to pull out his phone and start the voice recorder. She cleared her throat once he was ready. "Ok. So. First things first. Do not, and I repeat, do NOT take her on a date to dinner and a movie. That is so lame. If anything, at least go to the movie first and then dinner, so you have something to talk about. Always wear your seat belt. I know it seems insignificant, but her cousin was thrown out of her car when they were teenagers. Luckily she lived, but it kinda scarred Chloe. If you're going to buy her flowers, buy stargazers. They're her favorite. And don't buy them when y'all argue. It makes her feel like you're trying to placate her with pretty things. And the last thing I'm going to tell you for now, text her. Each morning and each night. It doesn't have to be a book each time. A simple good morning and goodnight will suffice. She just wants to know she's being thought of. That she's important."

Beca stood as if to leave but Chicago grabbed her wrist gently to stop her. Beca looked down at him to see his brow furrowed again. She raised hers as if to ask what?

"Not that I'm not grateful, but why are you telling me this? And where are the threats?"

Beca chuckled. "I'm telling you this because I want her to be happy. I'm not gonna sit around and watch you fumble through it until you can figure it out on your own. She deserves to be happy from the start. Not five years down the road when you finally remember how she likes her coffee. And the threats will come in a year if you're still together. No point in threatening you now when you aren't really invested yet now is there?"

Chicago chuckled. "Well. This is the weirdest best friend speech I've ever received. But. She was right about you. You are pretty great. Thanks, Beca."

Beca nodded and walked away.

XXXX

A year later.

Beca was sitting on Stacie's couch with Bella on her lap. All of the Bellas were coming over to celebrate her first birthday. It will be the first time they've all been together since the tour. It will also be the first time Beca has had the chance to slow down. Her career was new, so therefore fragile. She had to work her ass off to make sure she was taken seriously at the label. Yes she was an artist, but she was also a producer and still had to prove herself in that aspect. They refused to let her have total control over her own album. She was too new to the scene. She didn't mind. She knew she was going to have to prove herself. But it did take up a lot of her time.

She arrived at Stacie's two days ago, and slept through most of it. She was exhausted when she arrived. But now that she's gotten plenty of rest, she's able to enjoy being around Bella and Stacie while they wait for the others to arrive.

"So what's the deal, DJ? You showed up looking like a zombie. Don't get me wrong, a hot zombie, but a zombie nonetheless."

Beca laughed as Bella slobbered on her hand. Apparently babies like to chew on other's hands, not just their own. "It's been crazy, Stace. These last two days have been the most sleep I've gotten in a while. Most nights I don't even make it home. I end up just passing out in my chair."

"That can't be healthy, Beca. I mean I get it. You want to make it. But there has to be a limit."

Beca chuckled. "Yeah. There is a limit. But I haven't reached it yet. This is my dream. Like. My mega dream. The one most people never even get even a tiny glimpse of. I could slow down, but that won't get me where I want to be. I want to make music that connects with people. I want to have a song that saves someone's life one day. I want to release the track that stops the little girl from jumping. I want to be blared in the boy's headphones who's laying in bed at night wondering what he did wrong. I'm not going to get there by working right hour days." Beca looked back at the baby on her lap and cooed.

Stacie blinked. She was in a daze. "That is probably the most noble reason for ever wanting to be famous."

Beca chuckled. "I don't want to be famous, Stace, just make important music. I want the music to be famous, I guess."

Stacie hummed. "Well. Just take care of yourself. I barely see you and we live five miles away from each other."

Beca sighed. "I know. That's why I text you guys all the time. I don't want to miss out on everything. I'd rather be updated by phone than not at all, you know?"

Stacie smiled. "Yeah, I know." And she really did. No one asked about their lives as much as Beca. The group chat stayed alive because of Beca. That surprised Stacie for the longest time, but now she understood. "You're kinda a softie, you know that, Mitchell?"

"Shhhhh!" Beca was wide eyed and staring at Stacie.

That startled Stacie. "What?" She said, wide eyed as well. Looking around d for an intruder or something. "What happened?"

"Someone could hear you! You'll ruin my rep!" Beca stage whispered as seriously as she could.

Stacie rolled her eyes and hit Beca with a pillow making sure not to hit Bella. "God. You scared me you idiot."

Beca chuckled. "Beca's fine. I haven't went by God for a long time."

Stacie shoved her again. "What am I gonna do with you? You're insufferable."

"Well you know what they say." Beca wiggled her eyebrows.

Stacie furrowed hers. "No." She shook her head. "What?"

"Insufferable in the streets, killer in the sheets!" Beca cackled at her own joke so hard that Bella started laughing too, even though she obviously had no idea what she said.

Stacie threw her head back into the cushion of the couch and put her hand over her eyes. "Oh, my God." Stacie sighed, exasperated. "My friends are morons." The smile she was sporting was proof of nothing. "She looked back at Beca. "Give me my child. You're going to corrupt her."

Beca snorted. "Oh please. Have you met you?"

"Touche!" Stacie said. There was then a knock on her door so she looked at Beca and took a deep breath. "Well. Here we go. You ready, DJ?"

Beca smiled. "You know it."

Xxxx

The party was in full swing. Stacie had also invited some of her mom friends from the gym. Not that it really mattered. One year olds don't really play with each other. This was really just more of a chance to be around friends and get free clothes. She's a single mom. Come on.

Stacie was walking around and mingling. It had been so long since she had any real adult time. Beca had Bella almost the whole time so she really didn't have to keep much of an eye out.

Stacie was about to go to the bathroom when she heard talking coming from the room Beca had stayed in the last two nights. The door was cracked so she peaked in and saw Beca sitting on the bed with Bella as Chloe's boyfriend, Chicago, sat in the chair in the room. She got super confused and almost burst in thinking something was wrong, but decided she'd listen for a minute.

Xxxx

Beca had been asked by Chicago if they could talk. She had Bella and didn't want to turn any heads so instead of finding Stacie she just took her with her and Chicago to the spare bedroom.

"What's up?" Beca said as she bounced Bella on the bed.

"Well." Chicago cleared his throat. "I was wondering if I could take you up on your offer?"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Uh. I mean. I've been out for a month now. And as you know, Chloe and I have been together since the tour. I know you said you'd give me a year. And I want you to know that I am serious about her. But we just recently got to start spending a lot of time together since I was able to move to New York. She. Uh. She's pretty special. And I want to make her happy. And I'm man enough to know when to ask for help. I think she loves me. She hasn't said it though. But I feel like she's holding back. And I don't really know what I'm doing wrong."

Beca smiled sadly. Suck it up, Mitchell. IIt's your choice. "You're not doing anything wrong, dude. She's a complex creature." Beca chuckled.

"Has. Uh. Has she talked about me to you? You know, like, do you know how she feels? You're her best friend and I know y'all talk all the time."

"Oh, no. Nuh uh." Beca shook her head vigorously. "I'll help you, just like I said I would, but I won't disclose what she says to me. She trusts me and I trust her. I won't break that. Not for anyone."

"Shit. Yeah. Sorry. You're right. I'm just. I guess I'm just worried. IIt's like she holding out for someone better? Or more? I don't know."

Beca sighed. "Look, dude, y'all have only been together for a year. And most of that time y'all didn't even live in the same state. Give her time."

Chicago smiled. "Yeah. Yeah you're right. She's just so great."

Beca chuckled. "Of course she is. She's Chloe Beale. She's amazing." Beca cursed herself as she saw the confusion cross Chicago's face but he cleared it quickly.

"Anyway." He said and pulled out his phone to record this.

"Yeah. Anyways. So like I said a year ago, if you stick around, I'll help you. You held up your end, so I'll hold up mine. Chloe needs you to be present. Not just there next to her, but even when you're talking on the phone. If you're not going to listen to what she's saying, there's no point in being on the phone with her. Make time for her. Even if you see each other every day, make sure you set a day, at least every two weeks, that's just for her. No social media. The least amount of calls as possible. It doesn't matter if you take her to the zoo or just spend the day cuddling. Though to be honest, she'd probably like staying in bed and cuddling and watching Netflix more. Do you know how she takes her coffee?"

Chicago shook his head no.

Beca sighed. Calm down. You figured he wouldn't. That's why you asked. Don't be a dick. "She takes her coffee half with enough creamer to make it almost look like milk. She likes the powdered creamer. French vanilla. No sugar needed since the creamer has it in it. If she ever asks if she looks fat in something, don't try and be cute. That's literally the only time you're allowed to tell her she's being ridiculous. If she's had a bad day at work, don't try and fix it. You can't make it better she just wants you to listen. And then after she's done venting, put on some music and sit and cuddle for a bit. At least once a week, surprise her by pulling her into a slow dance with you. Even if there's no music. Trust me. She's singing something in her head anyways. Make sure it's not the same day of the week every week. You don't want her to be expecting it. Make sure there is always a spray can of whip cream in the fridge. She says she doesn't like it, but when she's stressed you'll hear her in the middle of the night eating it on the couch. I think she likes the fact that it makes noise. And never, EVER, try to have sex with her while you're drunk. I'm sure she'll tell you some day, but until then, don't ask."

"Is. Um." Chicago cleared his throat. "Is that it?"

Beca put on her hardest glare. She saw Chicago gulp and smirked inside. "No. I promised you one more thing."

"And what's that?"

"The threats. I need you to listen and listen well, Walp. I may be small so I know I can't kick your ass, so I won't threaten that. But if you're an asshole to her. If you're mentally or physically abusive I will have you killed."

Chicago chuckled but sobered right up when Beca kept glaring.

"I've never been more serious about anything in my life, Chicago. I don't mean you can't fight. Everyone fights. She will cry and be upset, but do not try and beat her down physically or emotionally. I do not care if I get caught. I do not care if I go to prison. I will hire someone who would be more than willing to cut your fucking dick off and shove it down your throat. And considering the route my career is taking, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to afford it. Chloe Beale deserves happiness. I do not doubt that you can provide that for her, but if you start to feel like she isn't worth it or some bullshit like that, then you need to leave civilly. Do not be the ass hole that tears her down before you leave, because if you try and break her, I will not rest until you are dead."

"Um." Chicago stopped the recording. "Yeah. Uh. I don't think I've ever had a best friend speech like that. I can, uh, honestly say I believe you."

Beca nodded and returned to cordial face she keeps around Chicago. "Good. Then that is that. Now. In another year, if you're still around, if you want to marry her, feel free to give me a call or something. I'd be happy to help you pull it off. Good luck, dude."

Xxxx

Stacie stepped away from the door so that Chicago could leave. As soon as he was gone she stepped into the room. Beca had tears in her eyes as she talked to Bella. "She deserves the best, huh Bella?"

"So why aren't you giving it to her?" Stacie said as she leaned against the wall.

"Jesus, Stacie!" Beca jumped. Bella giggled. "How long have you been here?"

"Here as in right here? Or here as in able to hear the conversation you just had?" Beca gave her the look. "Fine. I heard the whole thing. You ever gonna tell her you're in love with her?"

Beca sighed. "I'm not talking about this, Stacie."

"The hell you're not." Stacie turned back to the door and hollered into the hall. "Chloe!"

"Stacie, no! I'm so fucking serious right now!" Beca whisper yelled.

Chloe came bouncing into the room. "Hey! What's up guys?"

"Absolutely nothing!" Beca pushed out, glaring at Stacie.

"Nothing, Chlo. Could you just take Bella for a bit? I need to talk to Beca." Stacie said as she took Bella from the fuming girl.

"Sure! Come here you little cutie!" Chloe cooed as she took the baby. "Oh. B T Dubs. Most everyone has left already. Just some of the girls still here." She turned and left the room.

Stacie closed the door and turned back to the glaring woman child on the bed. "So. Spill."

Beca, glaring still, started to get red in the face. She was really trying not to blow up on her, but this really wasn't any of her businesses. "Stacie. I'm asking you, as my friend, please drop this. There is nothing to discuss."

Stacie sighed. She didn't want to push too hard, but she knew there was something. She could feel it coming off the shorter girl in spades. But Beca has always been a little closed off. She knew Beca was into Chloe. Pretty much everyone had a bet going on as to when Beca would finally blow up and confess, but it's been years and she's yet to say anything. She's been the dutiful best friend for Chloe. Supported her relationships. Smiled when Chloe was happy with someone else. Stacie just didn't know why. Why would someone put themselves through that? Especially since everyone can see that Chloe likes Beca too. "Beca. You know she wants you too. What are you scared of?"

Beca huffed and shot up from the bed. "I'm not an idiot, Stacie. Of course I know. I'd have to be blind not to see it. I'm not scared that she'd reject me." Beca went to walk passed Stacie to get to the door, but Stacie grabbed her wrist. "Stacie. I have my reasons. And just because you don't know them, doesn't mean they're not valid. Drop it." She ripped her wrist away and walked out of the room.

As Stacie walked back into the living room, she saw Beca snuggled up into Chloe's side as Chloe held Bella and tried to make her play patty cake. The shine in Beca's eye as she watched Chloe sealed the deal for Stacie. She knew then and there for a fact that Beca is in love with Chloe. Oh, Bec. Why are you doing this to yourself?

XXXX

Two years later.

Beca was sitting in her in home studio when she saw a scrawny toddler run into the room. "Bella Bella Bella. What are you doing here? Where's your mama?"

"Her mama is right here." Stacie said, out of breath as she came into the room. "I go to the gym every damn day and I still can't keep up with her. How the hell do you do it?"

Beca chuckled and was about to answer when the tiny girl interrupted.

"Bec Bec! I miss you! You been gone so long!" Bella said as she jumped into Beca's lap.

Beca laughed and hugged the girl tight. "I know, sweetie." She kissed the girl on top of her head. "But I'm back for a while. What do you think about keeping me and R'Kai company while your mom has a spa day?" As Beca said this she was looking directly at Stacie.

Stacie squealed. "Yes! Oh, my god. Beca! I knew there was a reason I kept you around! I seriously need a mom day. Also, maybe a night?"

Beca chuckled. "Sure, Stace. She can stay the night. Just text me and let me know when the coast is clear, yeah?" Beca knew what Stacie meant. Stacie wanted to get laid. Period. No telling how long it's been. The hunter hasn't been able to prowl like he could in college.

Stacie winked. "You got it, DJ." Stacie swooped Bella up from Beca. "Ok, lil bit, you're gonna stay the night with Bec Bec. Ok?"

Bella nodded in the affirmative vigorously.

Stacie chuckled. "Ok. Good. So. While I'm still here, why don't you go make sure you have clothes here. I know for a fact you will destroy at least 2 sets of clothes by staying one night with Bec Bec. I don't know how you both get so dirty."

"Ok mama. I be quick so you can have mama time." Bella squirmed out of Stacie's arms.

Stacie chuckled as she watched Bella run down the hall.

"You know you have approximately two minutes before you have to go find her before she burns my house down, right?" Beca asked.

Stacie looked at Beca with a sly smile. "Yeah, but you have plenty of house. She wouldn't get it all down." Beca laughed. "Besides. I wanted the two minute reprieve to tell you that I missed you and I'm so glad that your tour is over. Are you still planning on taking a break?"

"From my own stuff? Yes. From producing for other people? No. I'm working on Halsey's next album and that's going to take up most of my time. You know how she is."

"Well. At least you'll be home. Remember. Don't work yourself to death." Stacie gave a stern look.

Beca laughed. "Stace I haven't had to work like that in over a year. My Grammys give me plenty of leverage. I'm not going to be a zombie again. But you know how it is in this business. If you're not working, then you're irrelevant. You pretty much have to prove yourself all over again."

"I just worry, ya know? I mean, yeah you've gotten better, but you've missed so much. I mean I get it, but don't you want to settle down? You're never going to find someone if you never slow down enough to fall."

Beca sighed. "I'm not looking to fall, Stace. You know this. Now let's go get that munchkin before she puts lipstick on R'Kai. That dog loves that girl and let's her do anything."

Stacie laughed as she walked towards Bella's room. "Well if you didn't spoil the girl so much. You gave her her own room! I don't even have a room! And you can't call R'Kai a dog. That's like calling a tiger a cat."

"Well a tiger is a cat." Beca smirked as she went into Bella's room. "And Bella has her own room because she's too adorable to say no to. You could really learn a thing or two from her pout."

Stacie swooped Bella up and blew raspberries on her tummy. "Your Bec Bec spoils you too much, don't you think?"

Bella shook her head no. And laughed.

Stacie let out an exaggerated sigh. "Of course you don't. You find clothes?"

"Yes, mama! And look! I look like Bec Bec now!" Bella showed off her mini leather jacket she found on her bed.

Stacie hadn't noticed at first. "Beca. You did not buy my daughter leather!"

Beca scoffed. "Of course not. It's faux. Chloe would kill me."

"Speaking of Chloe." Stacie said as she sat Bella down. "Did you talk to her yesterday? "

"Of course I did. I called her from the plane yesterday. Her and Chicago celebrated her birthday at a rave. She seriously has some weird kink with glow sticks." Beca laughed.

"How are they doing? She doesn't really tell me much." Stacie asked.

"Don't start, Stace. I know what you're doing."

Stacie put her hands up in surrender. "Hey. I'm just trying to look out for my bestie."

Beca sighed. "They're doin great, Stace. He treats her so great. I hope he gets his head out of his ass soon and proposes. IIt's been three years! What is he waiting for?!"

"No you don't." Stacie mumbled. Beca heard though because Stacie saw her go rigid. But instead of saying anything about it, Beca just began playing with Bella.

"Go have a good time, Stace. I got this."

Xxxx

Beca woke up early the next morning to a giggling toddler on her chest. "Good lord, child. Too much energy for the morning."

"Bec Bec! Auntie Chlo is here!"

Beca's eyes snapped open at that. "What?"

"Hey sleepy head." Chloe said from the bedroom door. "Want some coffee?"

Beca sat up as Bella toppled to the bed. She rubbed her eyes to clear the sleep out. "Sure. And you know. I gave you that key for emergencies. What if I had been nude."

"Wouldn't have been the first time." Chloe winked.

Beca laughed and shook her head.

Xxxx

Beca and Chloe sat at the island in the giant kitchen as Bella colored on the floor with R'Kai by her side.

"So, Chlo. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I. Uh." Chloe cleared her throat. "I have some news."

"Oh?" Beca arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah. So. Chicago proposed."

"Chloe!" Beca squealed. "Chloe that's so great!" Beca saw the hurt flash across Chloe's face but she ignored it as she always did.

"Well. I haven't said yes, yet."

"What?" Beca feigned ignorance. "Chloe, why not? That's crazy. You guys are crazy about each other."

Chloe sighed. "Yeah. I guess I just wanted your opinion. You're my best friend. I can count on you to tell me the truth. But I guess you answered my question."

"I think if you love him, Chlo, and you see a future with him, then you should marry him. If he makes you happy, then you should marry him."

Chloe nodded as tears filled her eyes. "Yeah" she put on her best smile. "Yeah, you're right. He does make me happy. So happy. He's great."

Xxxx

Beca watched through the window as Chloe paced outside on her front porch. She was on the phone but Beca could only speculate on who it was with. She assumed Chicago. Chloe opened the front door as soon as she was off the phone.

"Hey. Bec?"

"Yeah. Chlo?"

"I'm gonna head back to the hotel, but I'm in town for a couple more weeks. Can we have lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure. I'm not going into the studio for a few more days so just let me know where and when."

Chloe smiled. "Will do! See you later!" Chloe leant down and kissed Bella's head. "Bye sweetie!"

"Bye Auntie Chlo!"

Beca watched her angel walk away. You'd think it'd hurt less after all this time. It didn't. Suck it up, Mitchell. This is your choice.

"Ok cutie patootie. Let's get you home to your mama!" Beca swooped the toddler up and got them ready to go.

Xxxx

Two weeks later.

Beca was sitting in her home studio working on Halsey's album when the red light came on at her deck. That meant someone was at her front door. She sighed and made her way over. She wasn't sure who would be there but it better be good if they're interrupting her work. She swung the door open.

"Walp? What are you doing here?"

Chicago cleared his throat. "Uh. Hey Beca. Can I come in?"

"Sure." Beca stepped out of the way to let him in and then led him to the living room. "So. What can I do for you."

"Well." He said as he sat down. "I came to talk. I know Chloe came here a couple of weeks ago. And I know she asked for your opinion. And i wanted to say thank you. Also. I wanted to ask. Are you in love with Chloe?"

Xxxx

A year later. Beca sat in a room full of family and friends of Chloe and Chicago. The ceremony was beautiful. Mr. And Mrs. Walp were having their first dance and it was perfect, of course. Stacie laid her hand on Beca's shoulder.

"How's the maid of honor holding up?" Stacie asked.

Beca looked at Stacie and smiled. "I'm good, Stace." Beca place her hand on Stacie's. "Thanks for asking."

"Of course." Stacie smiled back.

After a while, everyone was mingling and dancing. Chloe decided to take the time to ask the question that's been burning in her mind all night. "Hey, Bec?"

"Yeah?" Beca spun around to look at her.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Of course!"

Chloe pulled her off to the side. "So. Were you ever going to tell me that you and Stacie are together?"

"What? Who told you?" Beca asked.

"You just did." Chloe smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Shit. Well. Uh. Well. I mean. We're not actually together. I mean. We've been sleeping together, but it's casual. We're both pretty busy, ya know?" Beca fidgeted.

"Wow. Well. I wasn't expecting that." Chloe chuckled. "Well I better get back. Can't leave the new groom alone for too long."

"For sure! Go go. Have a great time, Chlo. This is all for you." Beca pulled her into a hug. She heard Chloe take a deep breath but didn't say anything.

Beca watched as Chloe walked away with a fake smile on her face. She felt guilt until Chloe's eyes met Chicago's. The fake smile turned genuine in a heartbeat. Beca let out a sigh of relief. Beca felt a hand on her shoulder.

"You good, DJ?"

"Yeah." Beca turned back around to face Stacie. "I'm good. You ready to head out? I doubt the happy couple is going to be leaving that dance floor any time soon and Bella's sitter can only stay until eleven."

Stacie nodded and smiled. "Yeah. Let's go get our girl."

Xxxx

Three days later.

Chloe was searching the hotel up and down for her phone. She lost her damn phone on her honeymoon. How dumb is that? "Hey, babe?" Chloe yelled. Chicago was in the shower. "Have you seen my phone?"

She heard Chicago holler back from the bathroom. "No but you can use mine to call it. It's on the nightstand."

"Great! Thanks babe!"

Chloe swooped up his phone and started calling hers. No luck she didn't hear anything. "Fuck." She mumbled.

Chloe laid on the bed and started playing on Chicago's phone. She was bored and he wasn't exactly known for his quick showers.

Needless to say. She found his cloud. Which held files named Beca. Of course she clicked on them.

Chloe sat with a look of confusion as she listened to the second file. What in the world? Of course she didn't hear Chicago come out of the bathroom.

"You should listen to the last one."

Chloe jumped and looked up at Chicago. Her brows furrowed. "What is this?"

"Just listen to the last one. She didn't know I recorded it. It was after you went and asked her if you should marry me."

Chloe listened.

Xxxxx

"Are you in love with Chloe?"

Beca went rigid. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You don't have to lie, Beca. I'm not going to be mad. I can't blame you if you are. IIt's more work to not be in live with her."

Beca slumped down on the couch. She was so tired of hiding. The only one who knew the truth was Stacie. Maybe if Chicago knew, he'd convince Chloe not to make Beca the maid of honor. Highly unlikely, but still. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm in love with her. Always have been." Beca held eye contact. "But it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything and it never will. I promise you."

Chicago shook his head. "I don't understand. Why did you help me? I mean, I'd understand if you had lied about anything. Tried to get me out of her life. But you didn't. I don't get it."

"I never lied because I want her to be happy. That's all I want for her. Ever. Just her happiness."

"But. I mean. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but you never tried to be that for her? Why? I know she's attracted to you. Hell, she loves you. All you'd have to do is say the word and she'd drop me in an instant."

Beca shook her head. "You don't get it."

"Then explain it to me Beca, because I may not know you like the Bella's do, but I know you love her. I have to know, before we go through with this. That you aren't just going to swoop in and take her from me."

Beca sighed. She could understand that. "Chicago, I promise you. That won't happen. Ever. And you're right. I do want her. And she may or may not still want me. But it's not about what we want. It's about what she needs. She needs someone who can be there to hold her at night. She needs someone who doesn't hole themselves up for sixteen hours a day for months at a time. She needs someone who isn't gone on the road for months at a time. She needs someone who can give her their whole heart. And I can't do that for her. I know it sounds dumb. Trust me. I know. But music is my first love. I know myself well enough to know that I would break her. I would put my music first too many times. I'd make her think she's not good enough. I'd make her feel insignificant. Which is the farthest thing from the truth. She's light, and love, and sunshine on a rainy day. She's a warm embrace on a chilly night. She's the best kind of person that there can be. And I won't be the cause of ruining that." Beca wiped a tear from her eye and looked at Chicago. She could tell he was holding back his tears. He really is a good guy

"You love her, Chicago. And she does love you. Don't doubt that because of me. So let me help you one last time. When she tells you that she's in love with me, don't be mad at her. Because Chloe Beale has enough heart to be in love with you too. She won't hurt you. And I would never hurt her by asking her to. When she says she wants to see me, don't get jealous. Nothing will ever happen between us. And even though I'm in love with her, she's still my best friend. And I am hers. I will never try and turn her against you. When you have kids, and she wants me in their lives, don't yell at her. I will never try to replace you and I will love them like my own and make sure they're happy, too. When she asks if she can fly out to see one of my shows, don't be mad. Because before anything else, she's my best friend and only wants to support me. She will never try anything with me, Chicago, so please. Don't ever doubt her. And when she's old and grey and wants to know if you guys can move next to me. Just know it's because she wants to sit on the porch with me and yell at kids who are passing by."

Chicago stood and pulled Beca up into a hug. She began to sob on his shoulder. "You're a great person, Beca." He whispered in her ear. "And an even better friend. She's lucky to have you. And I'm lucky you're her best friend."

Beca sniffled and shoved his shoulder. "Alright Captain America. Get out of here. I'm done being mushy. You better not tell anyone you saw me cry."

"I didn't see a thing!" Chicago smiled.

Beca chuckled. "Yeah. That's right! Later, dude."

"See ya, Beca."

Xxxx

"Are you mad?" Chicago asked.

Chloe looked up at him, tears running down her cheeks. "No. No, I'm not mad. But. Um. When we get back. I think I need to talk with Stacie."

"Stacie? Why?"

"Because I think she's what Beca needs too."

[strawbnie]

Hi, here the anon that sent that ask regarding the mutual crush with the girlfriend that "dumped" me off last week. After he told me that he won't leave his gf (and the kiss) he acts so weird, I know we can't talk about it and working with him is so strange because he acts like nothing happened. Today he invited me to have lunch with him and I said no because I don't feel like being close to him but I miss him and I'm angry because it looks like i'm the only who's hurt. Help.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL SDFJKSFLSJF THIS IS SUCH A DIFFICULT SITUATION ANd while im very glad u r coming to me w the details and all i genuinely wish i could help u and i know there’s not much i can do, if anything. I think that obviously he’s hurt too, but it makes sense it’s not as apparent because he has a support system in his girlfriend, and idk if you’ve told any of your offline friends about the situation?? because it genuinely would help to have a support system right there with you. i don’t know what you could do, although i think that keeping your distance for as long as you need to could be healthy and good for you as long as it’s not out of spite, which i totally get if it is (like… id totally do that kladjflsjf) but it’s probably not very productive or helpful to you. this is just honestly such a huge pickle for lack of a better term and i?? really really hope things get sorted soon