#OBVIOUSLY I DONT THINK IM BAD AT WRITING BUT MY POSTS GET LOST IN THE TUMBLR WAVE OF POSTS AND SOME NEVER RESURFACE

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

I just wanna say thank you for all those trash of the count family's analysis and writings. You really imitate the author's writing really well and I'm so glad to have come across them. Thank you so much for writing those it really made me super happy reading your headcanons and everything :D

Aaaaahhhhh you just made my day my week my month and my year, I'm so glad you like what I've written 🥹 I wrote most of it two years ago and I still love my own writing and analyses from then too, so thank you for telling me that you like them!!!!!! copying the writers style always made me nervous abt accidentally picking up bad habits so you saying this it made all of it worth it ^_^ THANK YOU ANON !!!!! I really really really appreciate you (and if you'd like to chat... abt lcf... I would welcome you with open arms...)

[cleromancy]

while from the doylist perspective the stories are specifically propping tim up compared to jason by doing this... i am obviously still very interested in, and compelled by, jason canonically having a pretty high opinion of tim going all the way back to their first meeting.

(for the record, absolutely nothing in-universe justifies jason having this opinion of tim up until tim springs him from prison imo. he beat the snot out of tim in tt29 and it wasn't even hard and yet for some fucking reason he still walks away thinking tim is a Better Robin than he was? like... ok. sure. more thoughts on this later in the post tho)

so the new earth (post-crisis pre-reboot) continuity tim-jason interactions we have, in order, are batman 617-618 (from batman: hush, this ones a retcon and barely counts, its just jason holding tim hostage with a batarang to his throat; and you might also get a glimpse of jay doing this in batman annual 25 lol but its in the other room so im not checking), tt29 (published in the middle of uth coming out, lol), tt47 (countdown tie-in), robin 177 and 182-183 (post-countdown, immediately after jason dumps his red robin costume and one of tims rogues fishes it out of the dumpster to wear, correctly intuiting *for some reason* that this will get to tim), and......... sigh. stupid battle for the stupid cowl.

(and, since were talking about jasons perspective, theres also the picture wall in lost days. i dont know what issue it is because to me lost days is not "made up" of "issues", it is one book i simply open to devour whole whilst weeping.)

i think tt 29 is the interaction i find the most frustrating because... we have an idea what tt29 would have been like if it were good. bc we have ga01 69-72. and granted Tim is such a cocky little shit (affectionate) that jason simply. Would probably not have been able to scare him no matter what, lol... but imagine if this fucking issue had been good.

ok cutting 4 length

the problem with johns. .......the FIRST problem with johns. is that he regularly has interesting ideas and his execution of them completely falls flat. the second problem with johns is that he can't write dialogue. the third problem with johns is that it was really really important to him that you understood what a Talented And Special Boy tim is but instead of showing you that he just forced other characters to. tell you. over and over. jason is not johns' only victim in this quest. (and johns was also not the only perpetrator, as we will see when i get to fuckin fabnic.)

but like i said i *am* actually interested in the potential here, because i do think there is potential.

and i also think that--at least when you read into it as deeply as i do--jason is sympathetic in this issue. (don't give me "hes beating up a child" crap here btw. jason's only 2-3 years older, tims a peer to him, they could easily have gone to high school together if jason hadnt fuckin died.) johns deliberately shows us Jason hoping raven gets a reprieve from the nightmares, and he certainly was *trying* to show us how much it would fucking suck to be remembered as the Bad Robin, forgotten except to be a cautionary tale, what kind of things that would do to a person emotionally. AND he makes a point of highlighting Jason's loneliness and isolation as robin, and. tbh i dont think the issue itself rly blames Jason for that. (you most certainly do not gotta hand it to him though. under no circumstances do you gotta hand it to johns for anything.)

and while jason tearing off his clothes to reveal his party city knockoff robin costume--the better to beat you with, my dear--was, erm. falling mostly on the wrong side of the line btwn camp and cringe... i do think jason writing his own name in blood on the wall was right on the money, *especially* because it was obviously not tims blood. like, tim wasnt bleeding anywhere near enough for that. it was either fake blood or jason prepped his own beforehand for them to DNA test--but also if they saw it before they saw tim, to make them fear for tims life, as a reminder of the risks theyre dealing with here.

oh but i was planning on talking specifically about like. what Jason might actually have seen in tim that left him with a positive impression. as-written? kinda nothing. lmao. or well the one thing imo is this

just kidding i couldn't find the panelz somehow despite posting them literally like yesterday and i ran into this lol:

>:| got distracted again. by this.

anyway i give up ill add the pics later. but its the exchange where jason has *decisively* won the fight, tims crumpled on the floor concussed and winded, and jason demands if tim *really* thinks he was good enough to tail bruce unnoticed for weeks.

and tim says "yes." hes beat up enough he can barely talk but there's still no hesitation whatsoever. and jason is *really* down on himself in this issue--he calls himself a failure, he feels like no one cared about his death, he feels unremembered. and jasons stated intentions here were to get the measure of tim but i also stand by the interpretation that he wanted to warn tim off of the sidekick gig, to remind him you uh. you have to be dick fucking grayson to survive it. (i dont believe either of them mentions him by name, but hey, dicks shadow is big enough for the both of them.)

i think what jason finds worthy of respect here--and, on top of that, intriguing enough that in robin 177 he entreats tim to join him--is the confidence, and also? at absolutely no point does tim believe jason is there to kill him. not a fuckin high bar, i know, but like i said i do think jason had *planned* to try and scare tim off (just also mega derailed himself by accident bc he got too in his feelings about the statue room 🥺), and... its not a bar he would have expected Tim to clear, is all im saying. particularly because while it is *possible* this took place in the middle of uth (tt 29 was released in november 05, between batman 646 and 647, which is the part where slade shows up bc black mask hired him to take jason out, so tt29 couldnt have happened in the middle of those two specific issues, but there are several other points at which jason could have taken a break in menacing gotham to fly to san Francisco), with Jason talking so negatively about himself i have to assume this is after the end of uth.

(you might be able to place this in the in-universe chronology by if/when teen titans mentions chemo dropping on bludhaven, which happens immediately before the bruce-jason-joker final showdown. however i dont feel like poking around for that or any other details to anchor tt29 to the other events happening at the time rn.)

i just also think so much of what jasons doing in this issue is like--he doesn't know *what* hes there to do. he had a plan and hes kinda fumbling it, not because tim is being especially resourceful but because jasons still licking his emotional wounds from uth, and titans tower is bringing up ones i dont think he ever realized hadnt healed. hes feeling everything at once. hes angry and hurt and full of self loathing but i think by the time tim simply says "yes," jason hits the stage of just being... burnt out. done lashing out, fucking tired, just wants to go home, if he can ever find it.

but i do think that "yes" would stick in his craw for a long time afterwards.

tt47: tim kicks jason in the nuts and pretty much declares them even for tt29 lolol. you may have seen my post about how jason only *sometimes* wears armor in countdown--hes drawn in the armored turtleneck and tac pants in tt47, but there are times in countdown hes out there fighting aliens and metas and shit in his jacket, a *t-shirt,* and *jeans.* just a squishy regular degular baseline human doing this and no one ever brings it up. but anyway. do i think tim would have seen jason wearing the equivalent of civvies plus a domino mask, narrow in on that, and immediately decide to kick him in the balls? i sure do. do i also think that this would make him rise in jasons estimation?

yeah. yeah, i really do. lol

anyway after this! after this is jasons briefish world-hopping stint as red robin saving the universe being a big damn hero and getting paid dust by everyone around him, in countdown; i think i mentioned before in this post that at the end he abandons the red robin suit in a dumpster, where it gets picked up by one of tims rogues. this storyline sucks and fabnic is a hack unfortunately. the rogue did it bc he wants tims attention or whatever. not important except for how irritating it is that fabnic fumbled a concept this juicy (tim inheriting and eventually purposely adopting The Bad Robin Mantle) which is also further fumbled by stupid battle for the stupid cowl, and the people who it falls to to salvage it are. johns again, in adventure comics 3, and yost, who is a better writer than johns or fabnic but not by like a huge margin.

and while i do think tim having a bad opinion of jason at this point was inevitable i find it so frustrating the way it was executed... like so often with Bad Tim Writing and also fuckin DC Editorial's Jason Slander Agenda shit it wasn't because in-universe thats how the characters would feel, the writer was using tim as a mouthpiece, and jasons competence and things he cares about arent taken seriously... BUT WHATEVER the point is that when Tim goes to stop Jason from his villainous scheme to reduce crime or whatevr jason has such a high opinion of him that he asks tim to join him:

and jasons loneliness, his desperation to be heard, is such a theme for him in the new earth/post crisis era and i wish it had been. Handled better lol are you noticig a theme here its that Jason has been written badly. (tim too, tbh.) and when tim says no jasons dejected but unsurprised acceptance breaks my heart. but to me the most interesting part of jasons appearance at the end of tims robin series is in 182, when tim--for absolutely no good reason--gives jason the means to break out of prison.

he says something about how its what Bruce would have wanted, but for. reasons i wont get too deeply into rn, that absolutely does not hold water.

anyway i just think there's no way jason doesn't start crushing on tim at least a little at this point. shrug.

bftc sucks and i dont want to look at it rn. but its also got examples of jasons high opinion of tim. and also im mad at it bc both countdown AND his appearances in robin feel like they could have been taking jason to a like. more of an antihero type of role and then we get bftc and morrison and its kind of. fucking hard to get jason anywhere near back on track after that for those of us who still like playibg in the post-crisis pre-reboot sandbox. and i wouldnt be mad about that if bftc had been good bc Jason absolutely does make an incredibly interesting and effective and tragic antagonist when handled well but well. he wasnt. and i have no idea what bftc would.have even been like if it was good bc it was so off the wall and dumb and assassinated actually *everyones* characters. so.

anyway

im just going to roll back to robin 183 now

jasons referring to the damage tim got when he got a little bit exploded in 180, this pretty nasty burn on the back of his head, which was actually why he wore jasons RR cowl for the first time (he was still robin). but what you do see here--aside from Tims narration which puts him *firmly* on the side of obnoxiously arrogant and judgmental instead of charmingly cocky in this issue, to my estimation, thanks for nothing fabnic--is the two of them on firmly cordial terms. jason still thinks more highly than tim does of him, but theyre asking each other about their injuries... tim caring about the wellbeing of people he doesn't even like is par for the course with him, ofc, but once again Jason doesn't really get that a whole lot. constantly haunted by this panel from countdown btw:

does he though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is another jaytim preboot canon interactions post from a few months ago with some more thoughts, some repeated lol.

anyway. incoherent rambling complete for now. however. jaytim time is all the time 👍 i will revisit this.

[robintherobiner]

Thoughts, explanations, and all that shit i had while writing my latest oneshot

Stand up comedians do NOT make good kidnappers - Robin_The_Robiner - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

SO first up the name. Where did it come from? God knows. I started this fic like ages ago, wrote Steph's first section, and then promptly forgot about it for three months only to come back and scribble the rest out. I dont remember how i came up with the name, but i still think its hilarious so,,

Who is Cassowary? This universes Robin, duh! Since Damian was the first, i thought he'd go for a more intimidating bird. These birds have really sharp claws, and leave wounds similar to those of a blade. Huh. Who do we know who is really good with a sword? Exactly 😎

Writing Steph was hard because I don't know her very well, so I may have projected onto her a little bit (hence the excessive death jokes 😅). I hope it came across that Steph is a detective, like Bruce, but that she's doesn't lazer-focus on that stuff like him. Thats why she focuses on describing Junior at first, not the room she's in or the fact she's chained up. She knows these things, but she only brings them up when relevant. What good is wallowing over being chained up when you could be making fun of your kidnapper, huh?

I'm a bit worried that i didn't make it obvious enough that there is time between Steph's and Bruce's sections. Thats why when we finish Steph's third bit, she's shitting on Junior for dressing like the Joker, but then in the final bit, she's aware that it's Tim. The parts aren't happening at the same time, or right after the other. I hope that was obvious, but im not sure.

BRUCE'S BIT!!! I saw a post once saying that Bruce separates his personas very hard, and i really liked that. When he's talking about Batman, it's only referred to as Batman. When he's having more emotional thoughts, it's Bruce. And, of course, when he's dealing with Crystal (who i don't know very well so probably wasn't well written MY BAD YALL), he's Brucie. The guilt is in all of them, though. Fun stuff!

A big part of Stephanie and Bruce's relationship in canon is, from what i can tell, tense because of the way he treated her when he first met her. BUT in this fic, it's a bit lessened because Steph chalks his shittyness to the fact that he recently lost a son. Also, i think in canon a big part of why Bruce refused to get close to Steph was because of how she reminded him of Jason, which obviously isn't a problem in this universe. Bruce and Steph are still tense, but this time she has the eldest kid on her side pretty easily, cuz Damian feels guilt over Tim LOL

The death!! It's not overly explained, but I do have Tim's death all planned out and shit. It's a mix of the Joker Junior scene from Batman Beyond : Return of The Joker, and then also a little bit of canon. Instead of Bruce being out of Gotham, like in the film, it's that they have an argument. Similar to Jason and Garzonas situation, in how Bruce is angry at the thought of his partner killing, but more so using the Boomerang arc from canon (Tim wanting to kill his Dad's murderer)

Junior's mental state is wild. I'm not writing him with any particular mental illness, mostly because I'm not at all knowledgeable enough to portray something correctly. Instead I'm basing him off of Joker Junior's intro scene, and also me during some of my darkest moments! It's not Pit Rage (i don't lie how much the fandom pushes that onto Jason, similar to the Tim-Doesn't-Sleep idea in which it wasn't canon but then it got popular and was made so, i think) and instead just a extremely traumatised 17 year old!

The teaparty scene was put in there because I wanted Tim to have a hobby that he could share with his mom (because god knows everyone hates Janet because they mess up her character and only look at fanon) and that also can be used to show his mental state. Hence, collecting figurines, and playing with them! Yippee! Thanks to my pal Leo over on discord for suggesting this hobby!! (it was originally stuffed animals but I thought Batburger toys would work better)

Damian and Duke both were the first kids, instead of Dick and Barbara. Instead of Batgirl, we have Batkid, and then instead of Oracle, we have Signal. Damian is Shrike, because that is the most common hero name I see for him and I couldn't think of another. I may go back and change it to Nightwing, because I like the meaning of the name, but it would come from Superboy (Jon) instead of Superman in this universe, so maybe it comes later on? Not sure. need to think on that!!

Drake Manor was, in canon, only bought after Jack woke up from the coma. But, i decided to take the fandom route in which the Drakes always lived there, simply because timeline wise it works better for me. Also in canon, Jack doesn't need the wheelchair by the end, but for my fic, he's not out of the coma long enough for that. I also added a fun basement which defo doesn't exist in canon, so just turn a blind eye to that!

If you saw the original post, you'd know that Bruce was supposed to find Steph through a series of taunting clues. I changed my mind though, because I'm not good at clues, mysteries, or cases. So, a gift with the address is sort of dissapointing, but who cares?

Steph's feelings about Tim are sort of iffy. A really popular headcanon is that Jason was Tim's robin, and thats not true. I'm pretty sure Tim just,, didn't care about Jason? Idk exactly how he felt, but whatever. Steph doesn't hate Tim, in this fic, she just sort of hates how he was as Cassowary. Bruce is full of guilt and won't say a bad word about him, but has plenty of criticism for Steph, which leads to a sort of resentment. He was Cassowary though, so there is also some adoration in her heart. Basically, she switches how she feels about him depending on the situation.

Jack and Robin. In this universe, Jack doesn't know Tim is a superhero. Tim does still take a break, but it's to spend time with his dad after he awakens, not because he's threatened. Dana also (unfortunately) isn't around in this fic, so Jack has more time to spend with Tim. It's sort of a win-lose situation though. More time with Tim so they get closer, but without Dana to calm him, Jack's little bouts of fury are stronger (remember how he fucking ripped out a TV??) so their relationship is more strained, which is why Tim does go back to being Cassowary, just for a bit, before his dad dies.

Hints are sprinkled in Steph's bits that tell on Tim's identity. Not many, because I'm really bad at hints and subtlety, but there are a few. Mentions of shock burns (the electrocution duh), Zesti instead of tea (which is Tim's canon favourite drink, not coffee!!), and his wish that Steph stops being a hero.

Tims motivations are a reverse of Jasons canon ones. Jason forgives Bruce for not saving him, but is mad he wasn't avenged. Tim forgives Bruce for not avenging him, but is mad he wasn't saved. Aint that fun? Thats why instead of beating her up, Tim kidnaps Steph for three days to resemble the three weeks he was held captive before he died. Yippee, allegories! (i think that word isn't right, but i can't think of the right one??!! english is HARD)

WOW i had a lot of thoughts and explanations and shit for that oneshot, huh? 🤭

[ttaibhse]

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

[oleander-nin]

I had a flight today and those give my anxiety so i wrote out a buncha hcs to try n distract myself you dont have to actually read these i just already have them and dont plan posting them anywhere: Mostly non yan because i couldnt think up much that hadnt already been said. Grammar a tad funky cuz i wrote these on my phone (☍﹏⁰)

Leo 100% scared Raph with that one car jumpscare video when they were kids

Mikey watches those stupid 3AM videos and probably thought Momo and various creepypastas were real when he was younger

Leo and Donnie are both really into FNAF, but Donnie has been unable to to beat any of the games and Leo cant figure out the lore (I know Leo is smart and Donnie is good at videogames but this is funny so I dont care)

I feel like Leo would write in a diary

^ He would scribble (crush name) Hamato with hearts around it in it, because he’s corny like that

Donnie listens to Hatsune Miku and nightcore

Donnie never grew out of needing glasses from when he was a kid he just refuses to wear them

Leo will try to do dad stuff with Casey jr like playing catch but Casey jr is older then him ( “Late teens to early 20s” so probably 17 at the youngest (I actually dont remember if that was the exact phrasing but something similar)) So it just ends up feeling goofy

This is an observation not a headcanon but Mikey is obviously physically the weakest and he throws like a whole skyscraper at the Krang I know they were made for war but jesus christ what was Draxum feeding them

Casey jr refused to grieve for anyone he had lost before coming to the pressent because theyre technically still here. He knows its not really the same and theyre still gone but has decided to ignore that

Yan Donnie would probably originally assume he was hyperfixated on whoever he was crushing on (I checked you can hyperfixate on people) and just be incredibly annoyed about it finding it real hard to actually focus on anything

Donnie has a bunch of online friends since its the only way he can really make friends and he’s chronically online

Yan Leo would probably get jealous of objects like if his crush was clinging onto some stuffed animal instead of him he would get mad

Raph had a gravity falls phase

Casey jr is incapable of doing standard everyday stuff and generally kinda sucks with anything non combay

Mikey’s favorite superhero is spiderman Donnie’s is batman Leo’s is deadpool and Raph’s is superman (not including in universe stuff)

Raph does not know how to cook at all he once burnt the water

The turtles(plus april maybe) all tried playing minecraft together and it ended in a lot of TNT

When they were kids Leo told Donnie that he was immune to pain and told Donnie to punch him so he could prove it Leo ended up with a bloody nose

this is another observation but in the movie when Leo almost slices kranifed Raph A you can see him sorta start to flicker back(i think havent seen the movie in a while and i dont have the wifi to check), which was probably intentional on the krang’s part for the last thing he’s consciously there for to be his brother killing him and B you can see Leo mouth ‘no’ as he realizes what he almost did

When Mikey was first starting out at art he was reaaaally bad at it awful anatomy, shading with black, ect ect obviously he’s really good now though

April introduced Casey go ice skating together on the weekends

Splinter will say stuff like “Skibidi rizz” much to everyones dismay

im away from home at the moment so you’ll probably get a break from my yapping for the next couple of weeks haha

-🍰

Ah, I hope your flight went good! I can relate, takeoff and landing gives me the heebie jeebies. Wishing you safe travels, SS Cake.

"Leo will try to do dad stuff with Casey jr like playing catch but Casey jr is older then him ( “Late teens to early 20s” so probably 17 at the youngest (I actually dont remember if that was the exact phrasing but something similar)) So it just ends up feeling goofy" - LMAOO I LOVE THAT

"Yan Leo would probably get jealous of objects like if his crush was clinging onto some stuffed animal instead of him he would get mad" - Yes yes yes, completely agree

"Raph had a gravity falls phase" - Probbles asked Donnie to help him with the codes/lore and such too

Sorry I didn't comment on them all😅 I love getting these but they're hard to answer because I don't know what to say lol. I loved reading these and I hope you have lots of fun on your trip. Stay safe!

[tiredrobin]

referring to my last post im too lazy to like. explain the premise in detail so the basic idea is danny and damian twins thing, danielle/dani clone is the same age as danny, she has his memories but not all of them and jumbled and fragmented and messy and it fucks with her a lot. and danny also. now theyre triplets in the way where damian has obviously no memories of dani but she remembers him and its SO MESSY and emotionally difficult for all of them because dani is 100% danny's sister but not damian's. heres a non-specific ficlet thing i tamped out because this au is stuck in my fucking head but i dont know enough to write it because i dont care abt dc stuff. thanks for understanding

also. theyre literally all transgender. because i said so. this is a legal requirement for this au. vlad switched the chromosomes to make a more stable clone but dani was like "...no, im a girl actually". danny and dani joke about switching bodies all the time. damian and danny didn't know they were trans until after they separated, damian still doesnt know danny is because he thinks danny is dead, danny does know Now because damians a wayne and is in the news and danny recognized him evn tho no one but damian's family knows hes transmasc. also danny is transmasc in the agender kind of way. nothing can fucking stop me

vague context: sometimes dani quizzes danny on his/sorta-their past, bcuz her memories are so weird and jumbled and it helps to hear the truth evn when she cant actually remember it.

cw: brief mention of an adult being creepy towards children

-

"Okay," Dani says, and Danny pretends he isn't fervently praying she'll shut up.

"Okay," he echoes after a long moment, prompting. Somehow, the wariness doesn't leak into his voice.

"Third coach tried to kill us—you," she says.

'Third coach' means Danny and Damian's third trainer. Dani uses words pretty strangely, sometimes. Her language has a habit of slipping into something more rudimentary, simplified, like she's a toddler.

She's a year and seven months old. Her grasp on language is, in Danny's personal opinion, remarkable.

"That happened, yes," Danny says when he realizes he'd been quiet too long. He's starting to drag. These conversations are exhausting in a way he can never articulate, not even to Dani, but there'd be no reason to because he knows she gets it. From the way she's listing to her side in the air, the imbalance fucking with her physics enough that she's starting to drift very subtly to the left, she's worn thin.

"… Why?" she asks after a long pause. "He seemed nice."

Danny focuses in on the thrum of her core. It's in near-perfect resonance with his own, which used to be so deeply disturbing it made his skin crawl but now feels soothing. It's a balm on his frayed nerves during the bad days; a reminder that, though he's lost one sibling, he has another.

"He wasn't," Danny murmurs. Third trainer smiled a lot—that might be what Dani is remembering—but he had wandering hands and a creepy way of looking at him and Damian. He taught them about pinching nerves. His fingers always lingered.

"Oh," says Dani. She rights her tilt, though she's still drifting. Danny's brain does a weird thing, a math sort of thing, that calculates the angle of her drift, the current speed, the projected acceleration. If she keeps going, she'll bump into the wall in three minutes, twenty-seven seconds.

(His brain does weird things like that, sometimes. Frostbite says it's a result of ectoplasm mixing with living neural pathways. The ectoplasm appears to be acting as a stimulant of sorts, or maybe a steroid. A stimulant-steroid. (…Stimuloid?) He hadn't been able to follow the explanation very well at the time, due to the fact that his brain was doing the opposite of what it's doing now. Sometimes he thinks so fast it feels like his thoughts are teleporting; sometimes his head is so foggy he can barely process what's right in front of him. It's super great. Super.)

"… Oh," Dani says again, softer. Then, in an abrupt subject change, "Did you really almost push Tucker off some stairs?"

"You" this time. The way she selects it—"us", "me", "you"—it says a lot about how the memory feels to her. She'd been raised an assassin; she barely knows Tucker, Danny's oldest friend. She hardly recognizes dad; she wants to cling to Sam. Sometimes it's him, sometimes it's her, sometimes it's a weird third thing. Or something. She'd phrased it in a way that made him laugh and forget most of it, when he'd asked, and now he regrets that.

"I did, yeah," he huffs a laugh. "He stole—"

"Our truck!" Our. "Yeah, okay, I remember that."

"It wasn't a truck."

"No? It—ohhh, it was the, um. The model train. The one you built! That Tucker's dad gave you."

He nods. "Yeah. I was worried he'd break it."

"And pushing him down the stairs wouldn't?"

"Assassin training."

"Sure."

One of her eyes is a little crinkled. She might be getting a headache, because that's the face Danny makes when he's getting a headache. (It's the face Damian made when he got one, too.) (Stop comparing them.) "You should get some rest," Danny tries.

"I'll get nightmares."

Her nightmares are weird. She's talked about them enough for Danny to feel familiar with them, even though his are nothing like her's. She'd tried sharing one with him, once, and it'd hurt his head for days after.

"I'm gonna get nightmares too, now," he points out. She winces. Danny realizes too late that might have sounded more accusatory than intended. He wanted her to stop asking questions, yeah, but not at the cost of herself. He's the reason she exists now; he's the reason why her head is so stuffed full of things that don't make sense, memories and daydreams and terrors both real and imagined haunting every step she takes. Even if he isn't the one that made her, hadn't ever wanted her—even if that, she's his responsibility.

"It goes both ways, idiot," she says.

She's not reading his mind, but. It's like she is. She can feel his core like it's his thoughts, and that's near enough. "I'm the older brother," he says, intentionally putting something a little haughty in his voice, a tone he hasn't carried since he was, like, eight or something. The effect is ruined a bit as he lays down, angled so he can still watch her drift towards the wall. "You're my responsibility. That's how it goes."

She rolls her eyes. "What if I wanna be the older brother?"

"Can't. You're the youngest, out of the three of us."

Dani sort of… pauses.

Danny does, too. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Damian is… "gone" isn't the right word, because he's not dead. Not like Danny thought he was for a… for a while. But he's off limits in a way Danny can't access. He hasn't referred to Damian as his brother since the first time Dani started asking questions, and she'd been careful to avoid doing so herself. Which would seem considerate, if Danny didn't know she avoided it because the whole thing just feels too big and too messy to look at in the eyes.

And here Danny's gone, shoving his foot in his mouth. The three of us. There isn't three; Damian has to think Danny's dead. Has to have mourned him. If Damian knew…

It's so scary to think about.

And—there's Dani, now. Not a replacement—nothing could replace Damian—but Damian would feel that she is. Probably.

"What a mess," Dani says.

Had she thought the same things? Maybe. No way to tell without asking, and Danny's too tired to ask. "Yeah."

She touches down onto the ground. On silent feet, she checks the locks on Danny's door, and then she pads over to the bed and nudges him until he gives her enough space to lay down next to him. She's not going to sleep here, and Danny won't be able to sleep with her there (it reminds them both of sharing a bed with Damian), but she likes to do this sometimes and Danny likes it when she does.

Neither of them say anything else. Danny won't be able to fall asleep, but he manages to start a very light doze. Dani's core thrums contentment and his echoes it. She's saying I love you I love you I love you and he's singing it back, and when her pinkie hooks into his—like Damian, like Damian, stop comparing them but it's so much like Damian—Danny curls his to lock it in place.

"I might to spy on him," she murmurs after an unknown amount of time.

Danny cracks open an eye. "You won't."

"I want to," she amends, "But… I won't." I'm scared, she doesn't say, but Danny can hear it anyway.

"The tabloids do it enough for us," Danny points out.

She snorts. "Yeah, sure. 'Damian Wayne: Vegetarian or secret animal killer?' Definitely a good accurate way to get information."

Danny smiles and lets his eyes slip shut again. "He was like that even when we were little." Didn't like eating meat, eating animals.

"I remember."

He sighs. His core sings I love you. Dani's pinkie slips from his. There's a sweep of cold, like a blanket being pulled over him, and then she's gone. He might see her in a week; he might not see her for months.

Danny drifts to sleep.

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ we have to be adults now (chapter 9)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

wc- 6k

chapter warnings- theres kind of a time jump (not long) later in the chapter, swearing, mentions of sex, mentions of hookups, kaito, slight angst , mentions of an anxiety attack

a/n- hey guys, so sorry for delaying this for 2 weeks, my semester is ending first week of may and i'll be more free to write and post more often, I am gonna get a different job as well where I work mornings over the summer so my nights are free :D hope u guys enjoy, love ya!

-

The following week was.....odd.

Not in a bad way, nor perfect way, but it was just plain simplicity at home with Taehyung. You had sat him down and spoken to him monday when you returned from classes because your mind wouldn't let your rest.

Sure, you both had sex, but obviously you both could feel that it was different from the previous hookups you engaged in just months ago.

You both discussed the situation, and now that you knew you were being dumbasses and liked each other without realizing it, you decided to just take things one day at a time. You felt safe, and not rushed when it came to Taehyung, but you wanted to take your time with him and not run into a brand new relationship right after the Kaito situation, of course, he agreed as he said waiting for you was easy.

oh and speaking of the devil himself-

"you know he tried to get Chae to text me for him, about what happened"

you were sitting at the kitchen counter with taehyung as you indulged in breakfast on Wednesday morning

"wait what? like....to apologize? you didnt-"

"I didnt respond, and no- I dont know what he wanted or planned to say to me, but I wouldnt let him back in like that again...I think he knows we are done" you sigh, taking a bite of your toast.

Taehyung looked down at his plate and pushed the fork around, his food now gone cold as he had gotten distracted with whatever he was doing on his laptop while talking to you.

"hey." you walked over, gently brushing your fingers to behind his neck and grazing his skin softly, "what are you thinking about?" you asked quietly

"nothing" he smiled and gazed his eyes over your face, you had no makeup on, just waking up about a half an hour ago, yet you were still making his heart thump loudly against his chest.

you looked at him before leaning in to peck his lips, something he was more than happy to reciprocate. His eyes met yours as you pulled away, arms draping to your waist and pulling you closer to his seated lap, urging you to sit.

"wait so you said chae texted? you guys are talking...thats good" he mumbled, picking at his food as you sat on his lap and leaned into him, coffee mug warming your hands.

"hm...not really" you laughed to yourself, "she only texted in regards to kaito, otherwise neither her or dahyun has reached out" you pouted and he squeezed you gently, kissing your shoulder.

"I dont know what I did, like as if I urged him to fucking hit me" you scoffed, lost in thought. "I get that they are kaito's friends but they are also mine, and should see that I did nothing....dont really get the whole silent treatment thing"

"maybe its because I kicked his ass" taehyung mumbled, nibbling on some fruit you cut for him.

"maybe" you smiled, shaking your head and turning to look at him

"im sorry that they are being like that, i know you like to hang out with them and do girly stuff" he pouted at you, rubbing your leg softly.

You giggled quietly, cupping his face, "hmm, I can do girly stuff with you though, you'd let me paint your nails again, yeah?"

He scrunched his nose and raised his eyebrows, shrugging

"oh come on you love it" you teased kissing all over his face as he finally broke and laughed, "whatever"

"chae and I were supposed to get our nails done and go for lunch this week" you sighed and rested your head against his chest.

Taehyung wrapped you in his arms, humming, "we can do a spa night if you want..." he smiled and looked down at you

"really??"

He giggled at you jumping up so quickly

"yeah, just dont do my make-"

"i am so doing your makeup, pretty boy" you squished his face and laughed before hugging him. "Thank you..." you whispered

"no need to thank me, i like spending time with you" he rubbed your back and closed his eyes. Maybe getting a spa treatment wasnt exactly his idea of a fun night, but he enjoyed seeing how your face lit up so fast at his words, and he would do anything to keep you like that after such a crazy past few weeks.

"You know, I hate everyone" you huffed, pulling back to look at him.

"why's that, princess?"

you blushed at the nickname, smiling before responding. "I mean, I just hate people here, everyones so....I dont even know....hoity-toity." you sighed and leaned against the counter. "you know how we were talking about Gwangju and how we miss everything...like our childhood homes and shit?"

He nodded, hand rubbing yours,

"I was thinking of how, next month is my birthday, right?"

"mmhm" he smiled

"And im going back to Gwangju to see my mom..."

"right"

"Do you wanna come? It'll only be a week and Ive already checked in with school and they are okay with it.....I was gonna take you know who but....I think my mom would love to see you more" you smirked

Taehyung smiled brightly and stood up, taking your hands in his, "I would love to, y/n" he kissed your forehead

"yeah?"

"mhm, I think that exactly what we need, to get out of here for a while" he hummed, hugging you.

"I do too, but um-" you bit your lip and looked at him, "I was also thinking about going back for the summer as well...with you?"

Taehyung nodded and looked back at you, "summer....My trip is scheduled then too, perhaps I could push it back, I wanted to take you" he giggled nervously

"the paris trip? you were gonna take me?"

"obviously" he smiled and brushed your hair back, "but its okay, it can wait until end of summer"

"are...are you sure? I dont wanna-"

"im sure" he pecked your lips softly, "we will work it out later okay?"

"okay" you whispered, smiling at him, "thank you"

He swiped his thumb across your cheek and giggled, "now, you are gonna be late to class- go get ready!" he teased, jokingly hitting your butt as you turned on your heel to your room

"going!!"

-

You looked outside for Taehyungs car, he had texted and said he would pick you up from classes this afternoon so you could both grab a bite to eat.

You received a text from him saying he would be there in 5, so you sat on a nearby bench and watched groups of people leaving classes together, enjoying the fresh air and eachothers company.

You hated to admit it, but the whole situation with Dahyun and Chae not talking to you was seriously starting to make you upset, they were your best friends, and for them to take Kaitos side when they clearly saw what happened wasn't fair.

You- of course, still won, because at the end of the day you had Taehyung, and he wouldnt leave you like that over something so stupid and immature.....at least youd hope so.

You looked down in thought, legs lightly kicking back and forth as you waited for the boy

"oh...hey y/n"

you turned around to the familiar voice to see Annie

"oh, uh hey"

"have you spoken to Taehyung recently? well- of course you have, youre roomates! what I mean is, has he spoken about me at all? havent seen or talked to him since last week..." she mumbled, taking a seat besides you, making you shift away slightly.

You contemplated just telling her to f off, but decided to politely do it,

"uhh, well....he, and i, have been dealing with some shit, im not sure if you heard or not, or even saw, but both of us have kind of retracted ourselves away from our social lives for a bit" you chewed on your bottom lip, watching her fidget.

"can you tell him to text me back?" she glared at you intensely

"annie, i-"

"pleaseeee"

Sighing, you nodded your head, "yeah i guess"

your answer seemed to cheer her up, she thanked you and hurried along, making you question what was so damn important about her text that needed urgent responses.

-

"Annie told me to tell you to text her back" you laughed, shoving noodles into your mouth as you looked back at taehyung, sitting across from you on our living room floor with a face mask on.

"did she now?"

"yeah....you should probably hop on that"

Taehyung opens his phone and goes to her contact, "i had her on mute, holy shit she sent like 50 texts"

you burst out laughing, "are you...fucking kidding me? i told you, she likes you...."

He shook his head and threw his phone on the couch "i am not responding"

"great. now shes gonna hound me in the halls like a sad puppy" you looked at him

He shrugged, "she didnt even text anything important, it was just about me applying for school next semester"

"oh....are you thinking about attending the same school as me?" you giggle softly, putting the food down to pay attention to him.

"kinda....I just....man, to be honest, no"

Your face fell in slight disappointment, of course you want him to pursue what makes him happy....but you also would have loved for him to be in school with you so you both could have that experience.

He noticed your expression, "sorry Y/N" he frowned, "I was just thinking a lot and....besides, our Paris trip was moved for August and thats when classes start, I wouldnt be here for it anyways-"

"you could defer your admission if you got in..." you began "not that im saying you have to apply, but if"

He nods "I know..."

Taehyung seemed slightly off, you wanted to press into it but also chose to respect whatever might have been making him feel this way-if its important he will come to you, right?

"look lets just enjoy our spa night...can i take off the mask now so I too can enjoy my noodles?" he pouted, making you giggle

"tae, you still have 2 minutes left, if you take it off now your skin will stay oily and never gain that last bit of hydration....but you do you!" You teased

"these noodles will make my skin oily anyways, its a double negative, the mask was useless...." he teases, taking the sheet mask off, and beginning to indulge in his dinner.

"your nails are cute though" You snicker, watching as he glared at you, his nails bright hot pink, undoubtably noticeable.

"you like it, dont lie..."

"i have a dentist appointment tomorrow and he is gonna see it and think-"

"you look fabulous!!!" you tease, getting up and walking over sot cup his face as he ate, "because you do"

"whatever" he blushed, looking away and at his food.

You both spent the next few hours eating snacks, laughing and enjoying eachothers company. It was late, for sure, as you put on a movie and silently laid next to taehyung on the couch, the rooms darkness surrounding you.

The movie is quite boring in all honesty, but neither one of you bring up that fact, no, you both are in your own minds way too much.

You sigh, noticing he isnt paying attention to the film either. "do you think chae or dahyun will ever talk to me again?"

Taehyung is slightly startled, looking down at you before speaking, "wh-why do you think they wont? and who cares if they never do....I thought we agreed everyone here sucks?" he rubbed your back

"i know but...I dont have many people in my life...and it just sucks...being alone in school"

He frowned, hugging you closer "hey, you have me, and like we talked about, you have everyone back home, too."

you half smile, playing with his hair, "I know...."

"and when we go to your moms for your birthday, you can see Jessica again, and Suvi...all your old friends..."

"I doubt they still live on that street, last thing I heard from suvi was that she was possibly getting married and going to live in America with her white boyfriend"

"sounds fun"

You laugh and nudge him, "dont know if its true though....and with Jessica, she is married and I doubt she will have time to hang out with some old high school classmate who pops up out of the blue"

He sighs loudly and shakes his head, "oh darling you worry so much"

"i cant help it"

"nothing is wrong....dont worry, even if shit hits the fan im gonna be right here, no matter what" he kissed your knuckles and looked at you, the movie now long forgotten.

You lay your head against his chest in a silent thank you, grateful you did have him to lean on metaphorically and literally.

It was a few silent moments filled with soft breathing and gentle touches before Taehyung spoke,

"you know I love you....right?"

You closed your eyes and took a breath, squeezing his hand in yours, "I know...." you looked up at him, "I love you too....ya big dork...."

-

About a month and a half later

It was coming down to the final weeks of the school semester, summer was approaching which meant it was your birthday.

Like you promised, you reluctantly packed everything into a tiny carry on bag and left for Gwangju with Taehyung to see your mother. Its not that you didnt want to go back home, its just you were stressed and nervous about everything, which isnt out of the ordinary for you at all.

"you probably arent feeling well because you are doing homework and reading on a plane...." he mutters from the seat next to you, pausing whatever movie he was watching when you began to mention feeling ill.

"Taehyung...its an airplane, not a car or train...Pretty sure you dont get motion sickness up here like that-"

"thats not true!" he took his headphones off, "why do you think these are here!" he pulled out the folded paper puke bag from his seat, waving it in your face just to prove a point.

"whatever" you rolled your eyes, putting your homework away after he scolded you.

"here..." he handed you crackers and water, telling you to nap and that you both would land in about an hour and a half.

After you both landed, you grabbed all of your suitcases and began to head outside of the airport for the Uber to take you to your moms house.

"think she will be happy to see me?" taehyung asked softly, biting into his croissant he bought

"of course she will, she loves you....its a surprise" you giggled, looking around for the pickup car.

"is that them?" you pointed to a car parked, confirming with your phone, "yeah it is, cmon"

He helped you place the bags into the trunk before stepping into the backseat with you, allowing the driver to transport you to your old home.

As the atmosphere around you turned darker and the houses looked familiar, your heart twisted at the sight.

sure, your neighborhood has always been poor and nothing special, but it was yours, and it would always remind you of home no matter how long its been.

Taehyung gently nudged you, "You okay, princess?"

You nod, "yeah...its just emotional being here again after so long"

"i know, i know" he squeezed your hand and helped you get out of the car, tipping the driver as you both got your luggage out.

"here it is...." He smiled, looking around as his mind got flooded with memories of younger him and you, running through this very yard. Things were so different back then.

To him- you were simply just the girl he grew up next to, went to school with, and hung out afterwards. If you would have told 11 year old Taehyung he would harbor such feelings for you now, he wouldn't believe it.

He looks at the house a few feet away from your moms...it was his house before his parents moved recently.

"crazy huh?" you rubbed his back before putting the bag over your shoulder, taking his hand

"yeah....it is..."

You both knocked, waiting to see the lovely face of your mom open the door.

"hello who- oh!...Oh!!" she smiled brightly at the sight of you both

"mom!" you hugged her frail body tightly, kissing her cheek as she stroked your hair.

"oh honey I missed you, happy birthday my sweet little one!"

You giggled, "thank you mama" you held her hands as her gaze peers behind you at Taehyung- she gasps

"Taehyung? is that you? it cant be, look how much youve grown!!"

He chuckled and gave her a hug, "Yes, it is I, in the flesh" he smirked and politely bowed.

"I thought you were bringing Kaito, no?"

she brought you all inside, allowing you to sit in the living room as she brought you both coffee.

"well thats a whole other story..." you smile softly and give her a knowing look

"oh, you didnt break up did you?"

she seemed upset- disappointed even.

"um...well not officially but.....basically" you frowned and shrugged, an apologetic gesture.

"oh no! thats too bad, im sorry honey...he seemed sweet"

taehyung had to stop himself from laughing at this, but he knew he wouldn't want to drag you down with him and end up confessing to the incident- so he bit the inside of his cheek and drank his coffee.

The conversations were typical, your mother asking about school and work, you told her you were thriving and enjoying uni as best as you could.

She seemed interested when you both told her about the art competition Taehyung had one a few weeks back

"Paris? thats amazing" she happily clapped her hands and looked at you both gracefully "good job, im sure your parents are proud"

"ha, sort of" he brushed his hair back with his hand as she brought up his mom and dad, remembering how a month ago shit hit the fan with them- he still never told them he won the competition anyways.

"well im sure you both are exhausted from your flight, i'll make you both something nice to eat while you go wash up....I even bought a cake!!"

You giggled, "mom...my birthday isnt until tomorrow.."

"so? let the festivities begin now, who cares!" she laughed and stood up, ushering you and taehyung upstairs.

"theres a guest room right here for you, taehyung" she politely spoke, pointing across the hall. You were obviously going to be sleeping in your old bedroom, and you would have taken him in there with you but you felt a little sheepish at telling your mom the situation with him, despite her possibly being elated, you also had just told her you got out of a relationship, and you didnt want to make it seem like something it wasnt.

You winked at him and walked to your room, opting to take a bath and clean up. Your throat had begun to develop a scratch, making you sit in the tub and pray that you weren't getting sick right now, not on your one week off.

meanwhile, down the hall, taehyung put his bags onto the rather large bed and looked around, it was pretty nice for a guest room. The view pointing out into the backyard, immediately flooding his head with past memories once more.

His eyes stayed on the small, now broken, tree swing. That very bench was where you cried into his chest senior year of high school, cursing your father for what he did.

"i'll never forgive him" you cried, hands gripping his shirt as your tears fell onto him.

All he could do in the moment was rub your back- "you dont have to..."

"h-how could he, taehyung?" you sat back to look at him, makeup running down your puffed up cheeks. "how could he just leave?? I dont even- god...what do I do?? im alone...my moms just- we are alone..." you began to sob again as he carefully pressed you back into his chest, quietly shushing you as he leaned against your head.

"shhh....you arent alone....you're never alone...."

"how can a man just leave his wife and child......"

He wasn't sure what to say...he knew your parents had issues for years but he never thought it would end like this: your parents divorcing because it turns out he cheated on your mother with a co-worker.

You swore would never trust another man again.

He cleared his throat as he snapped out of the upsetting memory, unpacking his clothing and stepping into the shower.

Afterwards, he had sat on the bed and continued to peer out the large window, millions of words soaring through his brain.

"you okay?"

His attention was brought to you, standing in the doorway with a towel on your head.

cute, he thought. "im okay...come here" he smiled and reached out for your hand, pulling you onto the bed with him.

"mm you smell nice" he whispered, arms wrapping around you as his face hid in your neck.

You blushed, unable to help the smile that crept onto your face. "tae-" you giggled and tried to get up

"shes not coming, shes in the kitchen cooking" he laughed, trying to keep you in his arms a little while longer.

You sighed and looked at him, "look, just dont do anything that would make her suspicious, okay? I dont really know what I would call us as of right now, we agreed to take things slow, if my mom sees us she will think we are dating and-"

He smiles and pulled you down to kiss him softly, his hands slipping under your shirt and up to your chest teasingly, making you gasp.

"I understand the plan princess, stop worrying"

You shyly smiled and turned away. "okay...."

He sat silently, taking off the towel on your head and running his fingers through your wet and curly hair, detangling it.

"you seem pale sweetheart, are you not feeling better?" he whispered

you shrugged, "ah my throat is starting to bother me now, I think im getting a cold unfortunately, just my luck right?"

"aw poor baby" he frowned and cupped your face, pressing kisses all over it gently

"you are gonna get sick too if you-"

"i dont care" he grinned and squeezed you against him once more before letting you stand up.

"kaito texted me" you suddenly spoke, making him freeze

"what? why?"

"he wrote me these huge paragraphs explaining how sorry he is and how he misses me....its ridiculous ill show you after"

He frowned and nodded, wanting to offer an apology but not sure for what exactly

"kids- dinner is ready!!" your mom suddenly called, making you smile

"cmon lets go eat"

-

"this is delicious mom, it really is" you smiled brightly, eating the warm meal she prepared for all three of you

"thank you, honey, i used to make it all the time"

"i remember" taehyung smiled, referring to the many times he would come and stay for dinner at your house growing up.

"I miss your cooking, at home we either get takeout or I try to replicate some recipe offline and it always tastes off" you snort

"nuh-uh, I think your meals are good" he protested

"no, they arent...but thank you" you giggled and rubbed your leg against his under the table.

"see you both need to visit me more so I can cook and cook and cook all day for you" your mother joked

"that sounds so fun" you spoke, taking a bite of your rice.

"so you guys told me about the paris trip, when is that happening?" she asked gently

"probably August-ish" taehyung spoke up

"mhm, we were thinking of coming back down here once the semester ends for me" you added, making your mom happy with that.

"that would be so delightful!!"

All three of you chatted happily as you finished your dinner, your mom standing up to clear the plates.

"i'll do it" you stood, collecting them and bringing them to the sink to clean.

"you know, just because I have back issues doesn't make me immobile" she teased, coming up from behind you as tae stayed seated at the table, distracted with the small cat prancing around the dining room. "go into the fridge and take the cake out!"

You smiled and walked over to the refrigerator, opening it up to grab the cake and place it on the table.

Your mother unboxed it and revealed it to you,

it was your all time favorite: a mango cream cake- topped with a "happy 23rd birthday" banner across the top.

"oh!!" you grinned, taking a photo of it, "its so pretty, thank you mama" you kissed her cheek and sat down as she grabbed plates.

Taehyung licked his lips in anticipation, always eager to eat dessert.

Your mom smiled widely, handing you a cut piece and kissing your forehead, "happy birthday my not-so little one"

you giggled and took a bite, and oh man, it was good.

"this is fucking delicious" taehyung mumbled, filling his mouth with the cream custard before remembering where he was, "sorry..." he giggled nervously

"aish, taehyung!" your mom jokingly swatted his head, taking a seat and enjoying a bite of the cake herself.

You were all discussing something when you felt your phone vibrate in your sweatpants, you took it out to see you had received yet another text from Kaito.

and this time- it wasnt so sweet.

Your eyes scanned over the screen, making your body run cold in chills and nervousness.

Suddenly- the cake wasnt as good and the room was too loud.

Taehyung noticed your look of fear and patted your back gently "you okay y/n?"

You looked up from your phone and at him, then looked at your mother who had grown concerned over your expression, "what is up sweetie? is everything ok?" she gestured to the phone.

You tried to gather your words but it was too late, you felt it come on suddenly as it always did: an anxiety attack.

"yeah- uhm, I just..." you put your phone away and stood up, hands trembling slightly. "I am not feeling well"

"so suddenly?" your mom frowned

"she mentioned not feeling well earlier" he spoke, looking at you as you peered at the floor.

"whats wrong?" she asked once more, trying to specify what exactly made her daughter so sick

You felt your vision clouding over, it seemed silly to have such a dramatic reaction to something youve dealt with before, you have dealt with much worse with kaito, why was this making you panic?

You apologized and mumbled something before quickly escaping upstairs to the bathroom, feeling yourself about to get sick-which made you panic even more.

"go check up on her please?" her mom asked taehyung, a sad look in her eyes, "I hope it wasnt the food...."

"im sure shes okay....she told me she wasnt feeling good all day" he patted her shoulder before coming up to your room, knocking softly on the door to your bathroom.

"baby...." he whispered

You felt dizzy and sweaty, but most of all, embarrassed for yourself and for worrying them like that. "what?" you mumbled, head in your arms as you sat near the toilet.

"can I come in?"

you hummed quietly, watching the door crack open just enough for him to peak his head in.

"princess whats wrong? did you get sick?"

You sniffed and wiped your eyes, "no- I feel so nauseous though" you waved him off, afraid that if you continued speaking you might actually puke.

He immediately grabbed a cold cloth and pressed it against your neck, cooling you down as he felt for a fever.

"I think it was an anxiety attack" you softly mumbled, leaning against him on the bathroom floor.

"oh baby....im sorry" he cooed, rubbing your arm slowly

"I havent had one in so long...it was so scary I felt sick and dizzy and-"

"what caused it?" he looked beyond worried to have seen you like that, it all escalated so fast.

You moaned in discomfort, pulling out your phone and bringing up the texts you received during dessert

"I would assume that?" you spoke as he took your phone

It was all messages from Kaito, cussing you out and calling you a whore, anger filled his entire body as he tensed up, unable to comprehend most of the paragraph.

"annie told everyone I dumped him because I was cheating on him....with you" you scoffed and covered your face, trying not to get worked up again.

It was one thing for Annie to be so jealous of your closeness with taehyung that she ran and had to seek attention from the entire college, but it was another thing for her to lie and accuse you of cheating.....something you resented so much yourself.

"I would never cheat on anyone and now all these kids from my classes are in my texts saying all of this shit and-" he took your phone and shut it off, squeezing you in his arms tightly, slowly rocking back and forth as you began to cry.

He wanted to say so much, but he had no strength. Seeing you upset and crying pained him more than anything, and for someone he considered a friend to go and ruin your reputation like this.....it was all so much. Suddenly your reaction made sense, he was feeling sick too now.

"my love im so sorry..." was all he could muster as you held his hand, closing your eyes and resting against his chest.

"I love you, okay? youre okay."

You nodded as he brushed away some tears on your cheek, "I love you too"

He sat there, tense, as he tried his best to comfort you while contemplating how to get away with murder.

"how is everything in- oh!"

You opened your eyes to see your mom standing in the bathroom door way, she noticed you on the floor in taehyung arms and immediately backed up, feeling a bit invasive.

"am i interrupting something?"

suddenly you were embarrassed that she had caught you and him being so close together, obviously you've sat with tae before but this looked a little more than friendly- you were practically in his lap.

"n-no we...she was feeling really sick so I sat with her." he mumbled rather quickly, slightly pushing you off his chest.

You nodded in agreement as she looked at the two of you, "do you know what happened?" she asked after a moment

"anxiety attack" you wiped your face with the cloth as she walked in and helped you stand

"oh sweetie, you still get those?"

nodding, you looked down at your hands which were trembling.

"havent had one in a long time..but yeah"

"well lets get you to rest then, yes?" she smiled softly and led you to the bed, tucking you in gently before bringing you a cup of tea.

You remember how when you were struggling with dad, you had your first panic attack and you quite literally assumed you were dying.

"I cant breathe.." you whispered, clutching your chest as you cried in your moms arms, she was absolutely terrified.

Her hand rubbed your back slowly as you sobbed, trying to console you. "my angel you need to try, you are scaring me"

You sat up and she wiped your tears, "I know you are upset, i am too, but we cant fall apart now, i need you to....I need you to stay strong for mommy, ok?"

You hiccuped and nodded, squeezing her hand.

She brought you a warm cup of tea and sang softly, watching as you came down from whatever level you were just on. She rubbed your back until you fell asleep in her bed.

You might have been 17, but you were her baby and she wanted to protect you.

You drank the tea as she brushed your hair, suddenly feeling calmer in her presence. You wish you never moved out, she had such an ability to calm you that even taehyung had not mastered.

She looked back at him as he awkwardly stood away from the bed, his face wearing concern, then she returned her gaze to you.

"i think we all need to rest okay? tomorrow is gonna be so good, I promise" she squeezed your hand before kissing your forehead softly. "goodnight honey...come get me if you need anything" she spoke, patting taehyungs arm on the way out.

He watched her leave, then looked back to see you laying under the covers of your childhood bed. He couldn't help but smile slightly, you looked so safe and comfy, he wanted to make you feel that as well.

"you alright?" he whispered

You nodded, sipping the tea once more and asking him to turn the lights off- he did so as he walked over to your bed, kissing you lightly.

"im sorry this happened, get some sleep okay? cant have a sad birthday girl tomorrow" he smirked as you giggled quietly, it was nice to hear.

"okay....goodnight taehyung..." you watched him begin to exit the room as you got lost in thought, quickly sitting up before he was gone

"wait-"

He turned and looked at you, eyebrows raised gently

sighing, you put your tea down, "can you...stay? just lay with me?" you seemed embarrassed to even ask this, but you knew you had told him to keep his distance while staying at your moms, now you were breaking your own rule.

"are you sure? what if your mom sees?"

You shrugged, eyes still red and puffy. "pretty sure she already saw in the bathroom.....I bet shes conspiring about us right now" you huffed, watching him giggle and walk over, slowly climbing onto the small bed.

He wrapped you into his arms gently, kissing your head.

"you are okay....I promise"

You hummed and held his hand, looking up at him, "can you rub my back?" you asked quietly, shyness in your voice as you felt yourself shrinking down to ask something that seemed silly to you.

He nodded and turned you to face him, his hand gently rubbing patterns against your clothed back, calming you quickly, "is this okay?"

"more than...." you smiled, eyes closing as you leaned into his chest. "my mom used to do it to help me sleep" you giggle

"thats sweet" he hummed happily, suddenly glad you felt safe enough to allow him with you at this moment, to do something so simple yet intimate.

It was silent in the dark room, only noise that is audible is your moms small cat meowing in the other room, making you smile.

"I dont want you on your phone for the rest of the trip okay? we have 6 days, lets just have ourselves yeah? if you need to make a call use my phone" he suggested after a moment

"but what if-"

"no what ifs or buts....you need a break, look at you." he huffed, rubbing your back still.

You had to admit, he was right, you were a fucking mess and tonight was shameful to say the least. It had been such a long day already and it just so happened to be the straw that broke the camels back.

"okay" you mumbled, allowing yourself to melt into his touch as the time slowly ticked by. He had fallen asleep not too long after, but you were still awake.

Your mind was no longer on panic mode, but you were thinking about possibly every situation there was to worry about at that very moment.

school. kaito. work with ms.choi,

fuck you forgot to tell ms.choi about your trip, she must be blowing up your phone right now.

you need to go grocery shopping when you get home

your mom is probably worrying sick about you down the hall

you are probably a bad daughter

you are 23 and have nothing to show for it

your throat still hurts, damnit

You roll over and look at the ceiling as your thoughts raced.

shit, you regret not finishing that cake slice, you are craving it.

dahyun and chae, fake ass friends...but maybe it was your fault?

no....yes?

you sigh and turn to lay on your stomach

why are you going crazy? are you losing your mind?

maybe its just your period starting

hm

maybe but-

Your eyes shot open.

"my period...."

oh shit......yeah....the thing that never came.

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[daisydood]

I'll ask!! [[Also Thrùd is super cool idk why people dont talk about her more!!]]

HCs for being best friends with Thrùd?? All she's really had to hang out with is her nasty brothers oh GODS.

Ramblings about God of War: Thrùd addition!

A/N: HEY ANON!! you're the first person in my asks ever, so ty!!! Sorry this isn't really what you wanted, but I'll to add some hcs if I come up with anything ❤️❤️

I'm pretty bad at writing HCs/fics and stuff, but I'll definitely do a character analysis and rant abt her!!

(Coming from Someone with a bias cuz my favorite character is Thrúd💀)

In my humble opinon, Thrud got done SO dirty in Ragnorak. She lost both of her siblings, then her father, then lost someone who she thought was good; Odin, THEN she lost the entire realm she's lived in her entire life (Asgard). Which like, fair enough, all of those deaths made sense because it was Ragnorak, and, it would mean that we get some character develpment from her, with all the grief...right? RIGHT-

Nope. Not even a little. After her two brothers died (AS ANON SAID, THE ONLY PEOPLE SHE COULD TALK TO HER AGE IM SCREAMING) all we got was an introduction scene to her character briefly mentioning Modi, then she said we are better off without him. Which, fair enough, if that's what she thinks.

BUT. All we got for Thrúd after her dad dies was a secret scene of her inheriting Thors sword. Which, IS SO COOL, but it wasn't even an obvious part of the game😭 She lost her dad, her dads dad, her entire home, and we got almost nothing from her about it. Same goes with Sif. She was literally just there. Her and Thor had this entire romantic dialogue about like "this isn't you 🥺" then he dies and and Sif- I think Sif had like 2 lines after that? Nothing even mentioning it, too.

Freya's loss of Freyr was treated much better then this. It wasn't really talked about, except for the final dialogue post Ragnorak, when you go up the mountain looking for Kratos. She said stuff like ohhh I'm gonna move on it's fine blah blah blah. That is so much better than anything that happened with Thrúd and Sifs loss.

How did I start ranting about Sif. What.

ANYWAYS (completely different topic on how she wants to be validated 💕)

I think that Thrúd just wants to be validated. She tries so hard to be a Valkyrie, and it's like people don't care. Her dad doesn't care, and her mom thinks it's too dangerous. Odin just sucks, and he probably doesn't care, same with Heimdall.

I think her and Atreus freeing Garm really broke her down. As soon as she realized what she and him had done, she panics. She gets really upset/angry and immediately tries to get out of Jotunheim. THEN HEIMDALL HARRASSED HER. She was completely in her head before Heimdall came and bullied the two, so the things he said obviously made her mad, man. She tried punching him. Knowing Heimdall, it failed pretty bad. She had to feel so belittled and stupid, everything she's work for being thrown away because of the one bad decision that was made.

anywayssssszs

Thrúd is so cool. She is sooo underrated man. She has so much potential for when/if another Ragnorak game comes out. Shes THE ONLY THORDSITTER CHILD LEFTT

note: hahfhfbdhdh once again anon I'm literally so sorry this isn't what you wanted😭 and oh my god my last post got twenty notes what☝🏻😧 okay okay okay what else do I need to say

OH YEAH sorry this take so long for me to post writing these takes foreverrrrrrrvrrvrv

OH YEAH hit up my asks if u want sum written & I'll probably talk about Freya next😱

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

hey um this is a real fucking vent of a post maybe dont read if ur triggered easily by family/abuse stuff. I just had to get it out im sry. its not too coherent

I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. my dad. one second we're having a normal conversation about art. then he's screaming at me to shut the fuck up, swearing at me, telling me how behind everyone else my age I am, telling me that I DON'T deserve respect or to be treated like a human, mock-bowing to me while laughing at me and saying that I think I'm sooooo important "like some kind of fucking princess" bc I said I don't deserve to be treated like I'm not human. yelling at me over and over to "shut my fucking mouth", saying that this is why I have no friends, why I lose every friendship I care about, and that he can throw me out right now if I keep "pushing it" and he won't care and there's nothing I can do about it. that I don't have real friends and can't name them. that I'm only acting how I am because I'm "on my period and a bit wacky".

....what sparked this? I said I wash underwear in hot water after I buy it, and that it didn't matter if that was "logical" or not bc I only buy new undies once every year or two. that's what sparked this whole thing. that and me saying "How dare you.I don't deserve to be treated this way." when he blew up. ...literally just yesterday he was saying how he's so proud of me and loves me. not even 24 hours ago he was saying that he could see how hard I'm working and that he understands if I need a break because I'm doing so well. ten MINUTES AGO we were talking about art, looking at the bedsheet I'd ordered and he was complimenting my choices and saying he'd put me in charge of buying new sheets for the household soon. TEN MINUTES AGO. what HAPPENED.

...and I know he'll just go back to loving & respecting me after (insert length of time here) when he feels like it, and until then I'll be excluded from all family interactions, treated like a literal threat and monster at all times, called "my abuser" instead of "my daughter", and forced to hide. ...and then I'll be his Amazing Smart Hardworking Daughter again, unless I bring ANY of this up in which case it will go from Bad to Worst and I am now "THE abuser". this is how it goes. this is how it's gone for a decade. why do I always forget this part when things are good. Even if I write it down or record it (THAT WAS A BAD IDEA HE GOT SO PISSED) it feels...fake??? like it just doesn't exist. I am fully aware that this is gaslighting.

I am fully aware that he does this and simultaneously presents himself to the community as an example of RECOVERY from abuse and has CONSIDERED BECOMING A THERAPIST. I don't have shit on him bc I have nowhere else to go, and I'm not in physical danger. staying here until I can get into college and/or get a job IS my best bet, bc while this is traumatic and unpredictable he's fully all bark, no bite. the majority-ish of the time, things are good. He does house and support me despite having just lost his job (though I'm paying for a lot of the groceries- no job here either), and he's actually been really amazing & supportive this year in general... except when he does This.

and GOD does This suck

one day I'll figure out how to stealth-record on my phone... idk why. when things are Bad Like This i want some record to release to our community once I get independent, and blow this lie out of the water. Ik it's ungrateful but like... what the fuck dude

I'm really thankful for what he's doing for me

but what the fuck dude

why

it's going to mean NOTHING in a few hours/days. he's obviously letting out some internal thing that he has no idea how to channel appropriately and nobody else he can aim it at who wont fight back (except my little brother, who has never done anything wrong ever in his life and is ALWAYS dad's "son") (and the dog, who he sometimes threatens to scare until she pees if she's barking like a lunatic at the pizza guy or someone, but he's mostly-joking/ never actually does it because she's "the best dog in the world") (...I'm treated less human then the dog)

but its just so mean

(also obviously if i even raise my voice/tone a TINY BIT at him, or say a word in a way that he percieves as mildy passive-aggresive, that's a trigger for things to go from Good to Bad unless I immediately literally grovel.

...if you want to uhhhh please send funny videos, art DIYS, animals, mythology, the worst most cursed music and/or mashups you know. I could rly use it rn. just rec me something. anything. (not fanfic tho- I'm currently writing my college application essay on fandom's role in modern folklore, so for once I Do Not Want To Hear/Read Any More About It)

[tetras-stuff]

oh boy I've pissed people off with this one huh. I'm not gonna get too much into it but here we go:

1) using the "it was supposed to be a b movie thing!" argument for the Barry thing is....also bad. dont get me wrong, i agree that it is supposed to be shlocky horror and i like re1 and its atmosphere, i just dont agree that this is an excuse for how poorly jill is written. like no, Chris was nowhere near as stupid as Jill. I didn't mention Rebecca but whilst we're on it, I firmly believe she is also written in a really sexist way because pretty much all the women in RE are badly written, its a sexist series and I don't think it's a bad thing to say that. I don't really get why this is controversial. Jill isn't supposed to be a rookie, they tell us all the time that she's legit the best at a lot of what she does (e.g. personally picked by wesker because of her disarming skills etc etc) and then show her not being able to shoot properly, having to be saved every 3 seconds by a man, and wandering around like a lost puppy waiting for men to tell her what to do. Like come on. It's ridiculous. you can criticise things you love. I love re1. I don't love how she's portrayed. being critical of media you consume is a good thing.

2) I'm not saying she was perfectly written in RE3R because she wasn't. Yeah, the stuff with the enemies is very sexualising and I never said it wasn't? Jill acts more like an actual adult with actual competence in RE3R, but that by no means takes away from the sexist parts of her writing. Im not a RE3R apologist, I just prefer the way she's written and portrayed in RE3R because she has more agency. is it perfect? no, but it's arguably better in some ways (and worse in others, sure).

3) the RE games can be campy and fun without being sexist???? like sure the stuff with Chris pushing boulders and whatnot is stupid, but Chris is treated VERY differently to Jill in all media. I mean for fucks sake, RE5 is a great example of that. She is brainwashed, sexualised, and treated like an object by Wesker and the writers themselves, and then just stands back letting Chris be the big hero???? why?? The women in RE5 are treated JUST AS poorly as RE1 (do NOT get me started on excella and sheva). The older games (yes including RE5) are sexist. Chris is treated as a campy silly guy, sure, but he isn't sexualised or treated as incompetent because of it. Weird comparison to make when it is so clear how differently these two OG characters are treated. You didn't cook with this, as you say

4) final point for this one, "you're just making stuff up" literally when??? I didn't say anything untrue lmao, I gave my interpretation of the games and the fandom. opinion can't be "made up"????

okay next reply omg I'm already tired

1) you can love re1 jill if you want lmao I literally didn't say you can't. fandom is what you make it and if you like re1 jill, cool!! this post was aimed at sexist men hating re3r jill just because she has more agency and is treated like an actual adult. I don't like re1 jill but that's a personal opinion, you are free to like her as much as you like.

2) I don't like re5 in general but I don't like how she's portrayed especially, when I mentioned re5 in the post I meant a potential remake. I agree with you on this point!!

3) I really don't agree about the Barry thing. It's not "I don't want to believe this", he literally pulls a gun on her and she immediately forgives him and moves on. she is written as being so desperate for a male authority figure that she just believes anything and everyone (which can be well written and has great writing potential! they just don't deliver on it in any way imo)

okay final take:

everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, obviously. A lot of people are very quick to defend Jill as a character in every capacity and that's chill. my og post was out of frustration for how she is portrayed in re1 and frustration at how the fandom interprets it, because I've seen a lot of dudebros getting really mad about how "masculine" remake jill is and it pisses me off. if you disagree with my take, you do you. that's fine. I'm sure there are lots of things we disagree on, it isn't world shattering and I wasn't trying to "cook" anything with my post, just expressing an opinion.

I love jill valentine and there is so much potential in her character. I hate that RE doesn't always capitalise on that potential and its sad what they do to her character just to gain male attention. There was so much good in RE3R which makes me excited to see where they go with her in future games such as a potential RE5 remake. I just don't fully trust them to do it since there has been such a huge backlash to her character because now she's "too angry". I stand by my original point.

okay omg I'm done now bye

I hate when people criticise the newer jill (remake jill) because it's just dudebros who are annoyed that she has agency now. they want re1 jill who was really stupid, naive, and behaved like a child instead of a full grown military woman because innocent childlike female character with boobs = hot. let jill have her agency. let her say fuck. let her be the one to take wesker down in re5 instead of sitting back letting chris do everything. don't be cowards.

[snailfen]

Silver - ⚧ 🧠💛

:)

YES its italian time baby

⚧ - Pronoun headcanon

he/they because everytime i think about this image i think about lyra and silver. this is their dynamic post game in my heart

🧠 - MBTI headcanon

ok bad news bestie i . I dont know anything about mbti..... i've heard of it but never looked into it

💛 - Brotp

read my paragraphs boy

OBVIOUSLY the johto protags theyre all like a group of loitering teenagers to me but in a funny way. I'd explain everything for those three also but like theyre the fucking johto quartet so im gonna give the spotlight to the others lol

ok beyond that, N obviously. N keeps ending up with new younger siblings like this isnt new so after father-or-foe N quickly gets used to Silver's presence. He does talk to his Sneasel at some point and learn about how Silver used to act, at first he's obviously a little ticked but he does realize that hes had a similar turn-around (having to learn the dynamic between a trainer and pokemon at some point, just from 2 different ways). Still, Sneasel talks about Silver in such high regard that N is astounded.

When the two arent part of a battle on Pasio or something they like to talk a LOT. Mainly Silver complains about other people (like idk. Clair being Clair or Blue not shutting up about Red) and N chuckles and tells him about his travels to other regions or rambles about various other things he knows a lot about.

Silver is just wondering when this tall motherfucker is gonna stop talking about ferris wheels leave him alone (like he's said about every other person he's enjoyed hanging out with)

Blue is like the begrudging (<- lie) older brother friend to all the johto quartet and that especially includes Silver.

Blue sees a bit of himself in the kid when he first hears about him from Ethan, he knows what it feels like wanting to be strong but always being just out of reach so when he finally meets Silver he actually manages to not piss him off within the first five minutes or so of talking. He tells Silver that if he wants, he can come to the Viridian City Gym every so often and Blue can give him some pointers and teach him some things he learned on his journey. Silver thinks it's stupid and laughs it off like HEH why would i do that (he takes blue up on the offer like a week later LOL)

Red has barely had one-on-one moments with Silver but when they meet for the first time in his mind hes kinda like "OH SHIT THAT SCIENTIST WASNT LYING. THAT GIOVANNIS KID CAN RED HAIR. I THOUGHT THAT WAS ALL A JOKE..." (im referring to a scientist you see in FRLG a few times, i thiiiink his name is gideon? He tells the player that Giovanni's kid has red hair)

But anyways. Silver has challenged Red a few times (AND OBVIOUSLY LOST) and Red actually thinks of Silver as highly as he does the other johto kids. He's curious to see Silver come to his full potential as a trainer cus he is pretty strong the first time they battle, even though Silver is still learning to trust and care for his pokemon at the time.

Silver would never admit it but he looks up to Red and Blue. Obviously, because they are some of the strongest trainers on the fucking earth. That being said if Silver has to listen to Blue talk about Red one more time hes pushing him off of a bridge

OK i think thats it why did it take an hour to write this

[banghwa]

Tell me your thoughts on all the hyyh dynamics

GLADLY omg ok so. for the sake of not having a post the length of the planet im only gonna go over the main ones but i have Thoughts about the others too. also this got rly long SORRY i have lots to say abt hyyh taejin

yoonkook: they're FINE i guess. yes they're compelling and interesting, especially individually. the vagueness of their relationship i think is whats' most enticing. they're both madly in love with each other but don't know how to deal with it and as a result are just so lost. both trying to prove SOMETHING to each other but neither of them know what exactly. aside from the "will they wont they" of it all it doesnt really get me going personally. it needed to be more petty. i needed more bitterness and resentment. jungkook should have been MEAN. i needed them to be dreaful and dramatic and CHILDISH and guilty.

taejoon: now HERE'S something. they weren't that interesting to me at the start but then i read demian and went crazy and now i think about them so much. theres such a STRUGGLE with them between nihilism and innocence. i think they capture sinclairs' initial struggle in demian so well - like the transition from your 'safe' ignorant childhood to an adult life of pessimism. the two world of good and evil merging into one because namjoon is obviously the nihilist. but then he can't bring himself to come to terms with his needs and his affection or his life and loss of youth. and taehyung is obiously the figure of innocence. but then he kills someone. also the cain and abel complex. "am i my brothers' keeper?"

jihope: they're just so. scream oh my god i dont even know how to put it. they're so tragic. they're both so desperate and hungry and want so bad to be GOOD and perfect....but hoseok never gets close enough and jimin can only watch and yearn for him and to BE like him from afar. they do such stupid shit for each other but they're also the only ones they can be honest around. i really wish we got more of them. and MORE VIOLENT CODEPENDENCY. i wanted less yearning for jimin, more desperation instead. i wanted hoseok hungrier. i find him so interesting specifically, he's so self-aware and yet not. maybe im seeking catharsis on his part because i feel so sad for him but they should have torn each other apart. but at the same time they didn't because they're both just so good and hurt and don't want others to hurt the way they do and i think that too is so . scream. theyre both too good to take it out on each other and impose themselves like that, hoseok especially. but if he did, i think jimin would take it gladly.

taejin: dear fucking god i could write an essay on these two they drive me nuts. did anyone get jesus/judas parallels on their edm kpop lore bingo card? they were so interesting to me before i even read demian, but then after i did . like i CANT stop thinking about them. they are both running away from themselves through trying be righteous. both have broken relationships with their fathers that haunt them no matter what. both have a martyr complex the size of the moon, but it drives one of them into the ground and the other to kill. and like with taejoon, seokjin is so desperate to assert his maturity and prove himself but just . cant let go of his youth. cant stand the idea of his friends suffering while he's gone to make a life of his own. like theres this profound guilt with seokjin and yet he can't connect. it's his life or nothing at all. and its' the same with tae but in this twisted sort of sense; he needs to save those he loves, and for that he kills. dont even get me started on the fukcing DREAMS. everytime i think abt them i think about this scene in the priest that i have posted about on here but i cant find for the life of me but to paraphrase essentially it goes: jesus had it easy, all he had to do was die. judas on the other hand had to sell him out, kill himself, and go down in history as a right dirty bastard - that's real sacrifice. like scream that is so them. also sooooo much doppelganger/narrative swap potential, i think they made good use of it esp in the mvs but could have been more. overall GREAT dynamic i would have just liked it more fucked up.

[golbrocklovely]

Im just gonna say it, her post was weird. There are other ways to “show” people you too hurt. But even more than that, no one is expecting her to show that nor is anyone under the assumption that she doesnt. I’ve lost loved ones too but i dont think that should be the means to be able to give an opinion on stuff like this. Not everything is meant to me content and just the thought of posting your phone against your sink,pressing record while you look into the mirror and cry is weird as fuck, then what you play it back? It doesnt seem genuine. Obviously you’re going to hurt when loosing a parent i just don’t get the point in having to prove that you do and in that particular way. Like that other person said, posting that then posting a video of the lip-synching while also realizing that the day she filmed herself crying was the day she was dancing in Mitch’s basement has got me scratching my head.

My opinion doesnt change anything but thats just how i feel, not everything has to be proven, not everything is meant to be “content”, and not everything needs to be posted to be genuine. It reminds me of these fake apology videos where they record themselves crying and forcing the tears out, no one needs to see that to know youre sorry. Everything is for attention now a days.

i agree it's weird, but i also don't really care that she did it either. and while there are ways to show that you're hurt, if that's how she wanted to do it, there's nothing wrong with that in my book.

wanting attention isn't a bad thing. we all want attention. it's what you do to get the attention that can be negative or positive. her crying in her bathroom and then posting the video with a sad song and caption isn't hurting anyone or herself, so there's nothing wrong with it. i personally wouldn't do it, but clearly she didn't mind showing that side of herself.

and there definitely is a strange performance side to it, since you have to start the video, cry, stop it at some point, and then pick a song and write a caption. but if that helps her feel better, then i don't think it's bad. it's weird, i won't deny that. i don't think it comes across as completely disingenuous, since clearly she does miss her father a lot. you can look at any of her social media and see that.

there is a difference between what she did and what someone in an apology video does.

when a person in an apology video cries, best case scenario, is they realized they fucked up and are legitimately sorry about it so that's why they're emotional. but most ppl who cry in apology videos aren't doing it for that reason. they cry so ppl won't be harsh towards them, so that when their fans watch the video they can leave comments like "see, they didn't mean to say the n word 60 times in one second! that was two months ago, they're a changed person. look how upset they are at their past actions!" they want sympathy. they want the ppl they hurt to not be as hurt anymore bc "look i'm crying too which means i'm in pain". or, some probably cry bc they realize how much trouble (and money) this is gonna cost them.

stas is crying bc she's mourning the loss of her father. if you want to argue she's trying to get sympathy too, sure, i guess so. but it's not the same as someone trying not to be judged as harshly or called out for their wrongdoings. she's not crying to get sympathy bc of a fuck-up she did. she didn't do anything wrong. she's just expressing her emotions.

is it weird? sure. is it wrong? no, i don't think so.

[filipinoizukuu]

pls tell me more of ur fic pet peeves

K OSMFKS OKAY MAN. man. HSDBBSJDJS

so i have like. a FUCK ton of pet peeves for fics, and i just wanted to say first that fanfic should not be placed in any boxes or standards because it is freely written and it is something meant to be enjoyed. these are my opinions and all peeve me to only a certain degree (meaning it squicks me out at worst)—so if you are a fic writer and you find yourself doing any of these things, do NOT take it to heart and just know i love you for doing what you do and i wish you all the best ♡

im gonna give reasons why certain things peeve me so i dont just sound like im bitching but generally, when reading ANY fics, i dislike the ff:

- long paragraphs with no breaks. bro i have adhd i cant go through all of this im going to get LOST.

- underlining, bolding, italicizing, AND capitalizing statements for emphasis like sir its chill i think i get the point. imho if you wrote your scene well enough and paced it properly, the most you'll need is an italics and maybe an exclamation mark. u gotta trust ur own writing and the reading comprehension of your audience.

- jittery perspective jumps especially when its fic about characters who use the same pronouns and youre constantly shifting the thoughts being presented. it... gets kinda confusing.

- FIRST PERSON POV. ITS NOT BAD I JUST GET SO JARRED BECAUSE SASUKE UCHIHA IS DOING WHAT TO ME??

everything else like grammar and punctuation and spelling is literally just. whatever. like as long as i get your point i really dont care. sometimes writers dont speak english fluently. sometimes writers just fuck up and dont have betas. sometimes writers just post their chapters at 3 am and leave all their mistakes out for god. i have no right to judge.

for personal bnha fic pet peeves, ig most of my annoyance lies on characterization and my own personal beliefs

- i already said it previously but i cannot STRESS how much i dislike the whole "fuck redemption arcs and fuck all authority figures except LoV for some reason" theme. it annoys me and i just flat out dont agree with it

- HATE tropes that reduce deku to being like 🥺👉👈 uwu okie soft helpless bean. theres nothing wrong with it if thats how you prefer deku, but i just get annoyed by it

- ANYTIME BKDK HAS AN UNEQUAL DYNAMIC. again. nothing wrong with exploring it in fanfiction. i just dislike reading fics that make either deku or bakugou blatantly weaker than the other. i love quirkless deku fics but i hate ones where he's also characterized as amounting to nothing and still acts like bakugous punching bag/okay with bakugou disrespecting him. their whole dynamic in canon is built on a great deal of respect

- speaking of bkdks power dynamic, FRICK GOSH I HATE SEEING FICS WHERE DEKU "realizes bakugous been abusing him for years!" and gets him expelled from ua and everyone claps. like. LIKE??? N. NO???? thats not how it works 😭

- all might slander. also unjustified or unnuanced endeavor slander where they dont tackle the complexity of his character. also also unjustified or unnuanced bakugous mom slander. this ones a bit controversial so i wont talk about it much.

- sexist homophobic or racist bakugou. im kicking that away. no. especially fics where bakugous past bullying is explained as "repressed homosexuality". i like making that as a joke but i genuinely do no believe in it.

- BAD MOM MIDORIYA INKO. ITS A TROPE I SEE SOMETIMES AND IT MAKES ME CRY I DONT HAVE A RATIONAL REASONING FOR IT I JUST LOVE INKO

- fics where ochako is obviously very reduced into a supporting figure with absolutely no dimension except being a supportive character and maybe having a shoe-horned wlw romance just for the sake of making her unavailable. shes my fave bnha girl and sometimes in fics i can literally FEEL her character being butchered to only show up when deku needs Love Advice. *note that this only applies when literally every other male character has something else going on for them and its just the females being sidelined into Boy Advice Givers and Talking Sense.

- fics that very obviously belittle asian principles and culture. family means a GOOD DEAL to a lot of asian cultures and fics that spout "if you dont like your family then leave and find your own! its that simple!" usually sound incredibly ignorant or outright claim moral superiority to the weight of familial bond in asian culture. same with manners, respect, and discipline.

- jeALOUSY/CHEATING FICS OK IM SELFISH I ONLY WANT BKDK TOGETHER LIKE IM DEKUBOWL ONLY SOMETIMES BUT BKDK ALWAYS HAS TO END UP TOGETHER

- "murdering is ok if its characters i hate 🥰" ... listen, you do you bestie but like. no thanks. if i wanted to read about mineta getting murdered by momo with a pistol i dont think id be opening a bkdk soulmarks au

- any dekusquad slander 😭 i love them okay

- *kicks mean/bakugou-hating todoroki out the door*

- *kicks 'all mha characters text, talk, and behave like 14 year old stan twt users (no offense ok i speak like that too)' fics out the door*

- *kicks bratty deku and/or bakugou out the door*

thats. all i can think of atm.

[shoosy]

Fanfic 20 Questions Game

Thanks for the tag @sleepy-poet <3333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

19! hopefully more soon though... 😏😏

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

36888 (very small)

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I have written for... 3.

• Sidemen

• Game Grumps

and obviously

• Slipknot

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

'It's Not All Roses' - 29

'Lover Boy' - 29

'Homiesexual' - 24

'Film Night' - 24

'Drunken Nights' - 23

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to because I honestly appreciate all the comments I get! Although sometimes I don't know how to reply because I'm so ecstatic over the fact other people like what i'm doing!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

uh... oh. This one's quite hard, i most of the time leave a very ambiguous ending..

There is one which makes me really sad and kinda regret when reading back now and then there are another two which are quite inconclusive.

so. 1. 'Lost Cause'

2. 'Unforgettable Incident'

3. 'Flower Boy'

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

oh my lord, I honestly loved the end of my fic 'Partner In Crime' because it's so wholesome...

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

I have never written a crossover! But im not against them. I just have a lot of slipknot fics in the works and kinda want to finish them before moving onto greater plains.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep. It sucked ass and made me nearly quit very early on. I wasn't prepared to be told to die. So yknow...

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written smut once and thought I did terrible, although I am an avid reader of the content. I may try again in the future but perhaps I'll just still to heavy fluff.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. It was soul crushing.

12. Well. I think the twelfth question was something about had your fic ever been translated or something?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I have not! But honestly if anyone ever wants to then I'm down because I'd love to!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

i enjoy sid and shawn. but also anything that includes the tol men because... yknow height difference in fics.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

We do not speak about it. I HAVE 25 IN THE WORKS. there is this one specific one that I just can't progress in a direction I want but I really like the start scene, it's like a uh... haunted house kinda spooky vibe.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh... I enjoy writing dialogue. and perhaps my varied language when describing certain things???

i dont really have any :[[

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

pacing. every fuckin time. I just can't get it to flow right in my opinion and have to use a time skip or something. it makes me feel SO bad.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I nearly did that recently! I'm definitely not against it and nearly wrote in French recently to be... yknow romantic 😏😏

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Sidemen (A YouTube Group) and I SUCKED. I was probably the worst writer on the surface of the earth. Punctuation and spelling out the window, like sis... 😬😬😬

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

omg... this a hard one. I love them all for different reasons like I love the crack text ones for dialogue but I also love the fluff value of some of my others.

Overall I'd say I like 'Partner In Crime' the most because it was the first fic where I posted it and it made me feel slightly proud to have made it. I also find myself going back now to read or compare certain aspects or scenes.

I’m not sure who to tag so.... some of my favs at the moment <3 @stickandpoke-infection @xlaceratedlullabiesx @ims0vain if you are interested!!!

[arielluva]

ok i know i just posted this and nobody asked about my thoughts but im going to rapid fire them here anyways while im thinking about it

- i really love how stage 3's ending kinda wavers and begins to falter which i related to the feeling of being about to fall asleep, which, since the next stages are post-awareness makes sense. it also makes 4's rude awakening hit all the more harder

- speaking of stage 4 i always thought the kind. bloop sound? right at the beginning sounded like a camera being put underwater and i think being underwater suits the post awareness thing since its harder to move, see, you cant really hear or talk,, yeah idk

- stage 4 is what broke me on first listen because thats when all the deterioration really hit for me, that everything i had ever listened to, even though i had already forgotten the individual songs after one listen and a few hours, were so muddled now

- around 3 minutes in (dont quote me on that, i dont quite remember) on stage 5, there is a clarity moment where the song playing was titled "was it a dream?" which. very sad in context considering you are very lost in the dementia fog, only to be hit with thinking "maybe its over. maybe it was a bad dream" then you get immediately plunged back into the chaos as it plays faintly behind the chaos before fading out

- i love how the final 5-6 minutes have so many different interpretations, some people see it as a funeral, going to heaven, maybe just dying, idk. personally i see it as a terminal lucidity thing since the static is still there (which is obviously just because the recording sounds like that but still) i see it as one final hurrah of freedom while the brain is still so damaged, getting that final moment of peace before fading away

- i accidentally discovered a really good way to listen to eateot besides the standard linear progression, which is to listen to the first 3 stages over and over (since they all introduce new songs, even if 3 is way distorted) and getting familiar with all those songs, then progressing to stages 4-6. it makes you able to recognize all the chopped up songs and especially whenever heartaches pops up a lot, it really makes it feel like these are *your* memories being distorted. it was especially effective to me since i didnt remember any of these songs on first listen and didnt catch them being used again. the only reason i listened to the album like this was just because the first three stages were the only thing that actually helped me concentrate on online school and my 80+ missing assignments

- upon listening to stage 5 for the second time (after listening to 1-3 a lot, then moving on to 4) i was able to catch heartaches playing several times and i distinctly remember one of them feeling like it was slipping through my fingers like sand. it really felt like my memories being lost in the fog and i didnt have the heart to rewind the video just to hear it again

ok i think that was all of that thanks for listening to my dementia rambling now time to draw (what i was supposed to be doing before i got distracted writing this)

who up listening to everywhere at the end of time for the billionth time (its me (i was hyperfixated on this album in 2020 and have too many thoughts on it and listened to it recreationally (even stages 3 and 4 (stage 3 is my favorite (did i mention i have too many thoughts about it because i do (man i sure do love dementia music)))))