#Nursing College Attached in Hospital

[satorusugurugurl]

Worth It

Summary: Marie’s Summer Fest prompt: babysitting

Pairing: Choso Kamo x AFAB!Reader

Warnings: language, handjob, fingering, smut, protected sex, fluffy fluff

Word Count: 4,988 (oops)

A/N: hi y’all sorry for the delay heroes the last prompt for my summer fest celebration!! I am finally getting back on track, my goodness have I been super busy! Enjoy!

Choso was so damn stressed. He ran his hand down his face with a sigh as Yuuji screamed at the top of his lungs, singing along to the theme song of his favorite show that was playing in the background. Choso was left feeling more than a little stressed between his dayshift at the hospital and trying to find a new babysitter while taking care of the apartment. On top of everything else, he was trying to prepare himself to see you for the first time in four years.

He had run into your Mom at the grocery store last week. After talking for a bit and hearing about all the stuff piled up on his plate, she offered for you to babysit during the summer while his grandpa was on a month-long cruise. You had been friends growing up, having lived next door to each other; it only made sense. But the age difference between you caused you both to grow apart. It was only natural since there was a four-year difference. Choso was off to medical school for his nursing degree by the time you started high school.

But now that he was twenty-four and you were twenty going to college yourself, things wouldn't be so different. God, when had he seen you last? Would he ever recognize you?

While Choso found himself lost in thought, pacing the kitchen. You were excitedly bounding up the stairs to his apartment door, knocking on it. God, you were so excited! Your mom’s consistent meddling with your dating life had finally paid off for once! She had successfully given you a chance to rekindle a relationship with your longtime crush. You’d always had a down bad for the gothy boy next door. But since you were four years younger, it never went past friendship.

Things are different now, though! You both were older now, more mature, and you were jail-bait any longer. You wouldn’t throw away the golden opportunity you had been given.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you almost jumped out of your skin when the door to the apartment opened. Your childhood crush towers over you, black hair tied up in two buns, and he was in his tight maroon scrubs that looked delicious on him, showing off his muscles. While you were looking over him like a tasty meal, he swallowed hard, eyeing your blue jean shorts and a black crop top, leaving for Choso’s imagination. Both of you practically eye fucking each other when a flash of pink hair came bolting out of the door.

“Sissy!!” Yuuji yelled, throwing his arms around your legs and hugging you tight.

You giggled, allowing him to knock you back a step before you reached down, ruffling his hair. “Heya Yuuji!” Your eyes trailed from pink tufts of hair to Choso’s dark eyes. “Hiya Cho.”

“H-Hi, uhm, c-come in!” He stepped aside, allowing you to shuffle in with his little brother, still attached to your leg. “Sorry about the mess, I uhm—haven't had much time to clean.”

“No worries.” Your smile was soft, warm, and understanding.

Why did you have to smile at him like that?! It took every ounce of strength in him not to confess his undying love for you right there in the apartment's entryway. Instead of an impromptu confession, he cleared his throat, ushering you to the kitchen, where the sink was filled with dishes and toys littering the floor. Choso flushed, rubbing his neck with a huff.

“Uhm—yeah, the apartment is a mess, I'm sorry—I just—ya know—”

“Choso, you're good, so there's no need to worry. You've been balancing a lot.” you are so sweet, caring, and understanding. To not like you would be an atrocity.

“Right, right, so I’ll be home around 6 o’clock; you can order food. If you want, my credit card is on the counter. Yuuji already ate breakfast, so he’s good. Thanks again for doing this. My life has been hectic between my shifts at the hospital and trying to balance everything.”

You gently took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Whatever I can do to help alleviate some of that stress, I’m happy to do so.”

Oh, Choso could think of multiple ways you could help alleviate his stress. One day, he would tell you how much he liked you and had a crush on you since you were small. The other things he wanted to do to you involved that tiny crop top you were wearing.

“Okay, uhm—if you need me, I'm just a call away!”

“Right!”

Choso grabs his saddlebag, lunch, and his badge for work. He headed towards the door with you and Yuuji following him behind. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to look at you. You look so cute standing there holding his little brother's hand. He wouldn’t mind getting to see you like that every day he left for work.

“I’m off.”

“Be safe, see you later!”

Choso kept thinking about how you were at home with his little brother all day. He thought about how pretty you looked this morning. You were too cute for your good; you had grown up from that little kid with pigtails to a beautiful woman—one that Choso would love to take out for dinner, kiss, and finally confess his love for.

It was like that that helped him get through his hectic day. What was supposed to be a regular shift turned into a busy, nightmarish day. Between all the patients coming in for heatstroke and hiking accidents, Choso had been busy since the moment he stepped into the hospital. But a busy day, and his day went by fast, and the faster it went by, the quicker to go home to you—Yuuji, he was going to Yuuji, not you.

When he finally got home, he was about an hour and a half late. He grumbled, dropping his shoes by the front entrance before shuffling inside the apartment. "Sorry, guys. The hospital was busier than I thought." Yuuji lifted his head from the paper he was coloring on, rushing towards his big brother's arm, stretched wide.

“Big brother! Sissy made dinner! Lots of meat, and it was super tasty, too!”

"Welcome home," You said, setting a plate for him. "I hope you had a great day other than it being busy.”

Choso’s face flushed a deep red. Oh god, you’d be so cute as a stay-at-home wife someday. Shit. He nodded to you, swallowing down those thoughts. "'Uhm—yeah, it was pretty good. Thank you for dinner." He grumbled, looking you up and down as he ruffled Yuuji’s hair.

You beamed at him before kneeling to Yuuji’s height. "Yuuji, why don’t we clean up the coloring stuff? When we’re done, let's get you ready for bed while your brother eats before we watch a movie.”

Yuuji nodded excitedly, babbling on about the firefighter movie you would watch, while he looked at you with surprise written on his face before he took in the apartment. Not only had you taken care of his little brother and made a home-cooked meal, but you also had time to clean the apartment! You truly were perfection in his eyes as he happily ate the dinner your loving hands prepared while he watched you and Yuuji sitting on the couch laughing.

Yeah, this was a sight he would never get tired of looking at. When he finished dinner, he ruffled you and Yuuji’s heads before heading to the bathroom to shower. You watched from the couch, a little too obviously, as he took his scrub top off while walking down the hall. Fuck he looked so hot; it had to be illegal in some country to look as good as he did! The things you would do to him—.

“He likes you too.” Yuuji’s little voice spoke between a yawn.

“Eh?!” The eight-year-old's blunt comment left your cheeks flished as you jolted your attention back to him. “W-What makes you think that?!”

Yuuji so sweetly tilted his head to the side, smiling softly. “I see the way you guys look at each other. Plus, I heard Choso telling Gramps how excited he was to see you again. He said he couldn’t wait to see how prettier you were.” He yawned louder, rubbing at his eyes as he snuggled into your side.

“He said that?”

“Yeppers.”

About six minutes later, you carried Yuuji back to his room, tucking him in as he softly snored onto his tiger plushie. When you left his room, you decided it might be best to be blunt about your feelings for Choso. It was painfully evident that both of you were pining after each other, but neither of you knew how to tell one another. So, it seems as though you would have to make the first move.

But how are you going to do that?

It would probably be best just straight up to tell him, but you weren’t sure if you could look him in the face and tell him how you felt. Sometimes, actions spoke better than words. You toss your options around as you clean the kitchen, scrubbing at the plates left in the sink. At about that same time, Choso walked out of his bedroom, heading into the kitchen in a towel, his eyes watching you clean like a hawk. "Hey, honey."

"Hello Cho-o-ooh!" You blushed, looking him over, taking in the stray droplets of water running down his chest. He looked so hot! The water emphasized the definitions of his toned abs, making your mouth dry, suddenly thirsty for him. Miraculously, though, you shook your head, turning away from him. "Ehem, are you feeling better?"

He nodded, running a hand through his damp hair. "Yeah, a lot better.” He pursed his lips together as he watched you drain the sink before wiping down the counters. “Thank you for watching Yuuji and cleaning up for me—it means a lot.”

“I figured since I was here, and Yuuji could entertain himself, I might as well help out a little more. I like making it a bit easier for you.”

“You are a breath of fresh air.” He hummed, propping his head up on his elbow. “Seriously, you just lifted ten tons off my shoulders. I’m so glad your mom told you I needed help.”

“I’m glad she told me too.” You whispered as you wrung on the rag before folding it over the edge.

“Seeing you here at the house, taking care of Yuuji, making dinner, made me wish you could be his permanent babysitter until you return to college in the fall.”

You stepped around the counter, leaning against it before your childhood friend. “Are you offering me the position? Because I can assure you I am CPR certified and have tons of experience babysitting from my high school years.” Choso grinned, exhaling contently through his nose.

"Consider it, then. You're extremely qualified, and you’re good with him."

A compliment was his subtle way of asking you to be the full-time babysitter. Your tummy was all fuzzy as you gave him your best sultry laugh. A laugh that had Choso’s cock twitching to life underneath his towel

"Oh yeah?" You bit your lip. "Are you sure it's not just because you want me around—?" Your eyes glittered as you smugly grinned.

He flushed, eyes going wide as he turned to look at you. "No! I—I mean, only if you want to! There is no pressure at all!" He corrected himself, looking away as he rubbed at his neck.

“Well, what if I were to say I wanted the position?”

“T-Then you could have it.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, pushing your breasts together. “AlrightI—.” before you could answer, you couldn’t help but notice your childhood friend's eyes glancing towards your cleavage. “Oh my god—are you staring at my tits?” There was no disgust or anger in your voice as she questioned him. Instead, nothing but the light and excitement laced your tone, which went completely unnoticed by Choso.

He choked on his saliva, coughing as he looked away, trying to hide his blush. "N-No!I'm not some pervert!'

"Whoa, Cho, it’s okay! I was teasing you." You said, changing your laid-back demeanor. "I know you're not a perv." You returned to drying the washed dishes with a wink and a smile.

God, the things you did to him drove him absolutely insane. Choso couldn't deny that he was looking at your pretty breasts. His mind conjured up different ideas on how he worshiped them. Those delusional thoughts had him moving a hand to cover his mouth as he glanced out at the sink, flushing deeply. The embarrassment left him feeling numb to the temperature, your laughter, and the sensation of touch. Because he was so entranced, he never noticed his towel starting to fall, but it never lost, all thanks to his hard cock holding it up.

“Cho, really you’re—” your eyes peered away from the cup in your hand. The sight of his seemingly levitating towel caused the plastic cup to fall out of your hands, clattering in the sink. "I-I fuck~ you have a huge cock.”

His eyes widened as he looked down. "O-Oh fucking hell!" He grabbed the towel, trying to hide his erection from you, but it was too late. You’d already seen a peek, and you wanted to see more.

You walk over without a care in the world, your tits jiggling. "Choso~ do you need help with that?" you eye him closely, teasingly brushing your fingers over his shaft through the towel.

“H-Honey—I uhm—”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Choso sighed, shaking his head. “I-I uhm—no, I don't.” He groaned, shaking his head.

Without another word, you gently cupped his face in your hands, kissing him deeply. Choso’s eyes went wide for a split second, the shock causing him to release his grip on the towel as his brain tried to process what was happening. All of his dreams and fantasies for years were coming true. Your lips were on his, and he didn’t think he could longer hold himself back. So, instead of holding back those carnal desires, he let them take over instead. His fingers fisted into your hair as he kissed you back with the same enthusiasm as you had.

Lips moved in sync with each other, As he pressed you up against the counter, his hard cock throbbing against you. Your head was spinning in the best way as you dug your fingers into his damp hair, tugging at it gently as you let yourself lose all your control. You both weren’t kids anymore, and you weren’t jailbait, which meant you could finally go after what you wanted without any repercussions, and the way your childhood friend was kissing you, you knew he felt the same way.

Choso nipped at your bottom lip as he pulled back just an inch, allowing you to look at the black tattoo across the bridge of his nose. He was breathing; his cheeks flushed a pretty pink. His dark eyes roamed across your face, taking in your beauty.

“Oh my god, this is finally happening.” He snarled out before his lips were on yours again. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this is finally fucking happening.”

“Is that why you came out of nothing but your towel?” you questioned as he grabbed your hair, forcing your neck to the sides slightly, allowing his lips to trail down your sensitive, sweet skin. “Ah~ fuck~ t-trying to seduce the babysitter?”

“Ha, more like I’m finally making my move.”

You blinked, trying to focus on what he said, but his lips running over your skin was distracting. “W-Wait~ nnngh fuck did you seriously do that on purpose?!” His hands found a sweet spot on your hips, and you could feel him grinning against your neck.

“No, not really, it’s just a happy accident.”

"Ooh." You mumbled, reaching down, stroking his insanely hard cock. "I suppose I better help you with this accident then." You whispered, standing on your tiptoes and nipping at his earlobe. “I told you I'm happy to help with the house, but I'm also happy to help in ‘other’ ways too.”

Choso groaned, his hands gripping the counter next to him. "F-Fuck, honey—" He moaned as your hand twisted expertly up and down his cock. Watching you do something he’s fantasized about while jerking off for years felt like a fever dream. "Oh fuck-!”

You smirked at the feeling of his cock throbbing in your hand, making you move your hand.

"Does that feel good?" Choso hissed head, falling forward as he nodded.

"Y-Yeah, fuck, it feels s-soo good. God fuck, you’resfucking pretty." He panted softly, trying to prevent himself from cumming too soon. It'd been a long time since he touched himself; he had been so busy.

“Good,” Your thumb ran teasingly over the slit dribbling more pre-cum. “You deserve to have some fun~ for caring for your family, working so hard.” Your hand increased in speed, desperate to help him cum.

Choso gasped, one of his hands gripping the countertop of the kitchen island, as the other hand grabbed the back of your neck, bringing your for head to rest on his as his orgasm crashed into him, his cum spurting out in thick ropes over you are hand. "FUCK!" He cried out, jerking his hips forward with whines and grunts.

“Oooh fuck,” you moaned; his cum was so thick and warm, you wished he had come in your mouth or—somewhere more intimate. "There you go~ feel a bit better now, Cho?" you asked, bringing your hand to your mouth, licking the thick, bittersweet release off your hand.

“God fuck.” Choso panted softly, looking down at you as he took his bottom lip between his teeth. "F-Fuck, yes, thank you—b-but I think we have a problem now.”

“And what might that be?”

“I can't control myself around you.”

Hearing that had your panties soaking wet. You found yourself biting your lip, rubbing your hands slowly down his bare chest. You could see the way his eyes rolled back into his head, how he shuddered and groaned as his cock slowly twitched back to life. Giving you more confidence to press against him with a soft, needy sigh. Choso groaned, eyes rolling back as you kissed slowly up his chest.

“So now might not be the best time to tell you I'm soaking wet right now?”

Choso groaned, nodding quickly. "Y-Yeah, maybe you should stop. If you don't... If you don't, I won't be able to stop myself."

You pouted and sighed. "If that's what you want, I'll stop." You headed to the sink to wash your hands. "You just look so stressed out and in need of a good fucking. Oh well, guess I'm lucky you're such a good guy, Choso~ wanting to contr—”

As soon as you said 'a good fucking,' all hell broke loose. Choso grabbed you by your wrist, dragging you down the hall. He didn't allow you to think before you were pulled into a bedroom, and the door slammed behind you. Choso pushed you back and pinned you down onto his bed. "Fucking tease." He growled.

The sudden change of scenery and the drop of his voice had your thighs squeezing together. All you managed to do was gasp loudly, looking up at him in awe. "I-I—holy fuck Cho."

He leaned down, biting and kissing your neck.

"Is this what you wanted? For me to lose control and fuck you?"

You nodded, whimpering as you squirmed.

"Yes, Cho~ I do~!" You shivered before moaning into your hands.

A hand slid up your body, massaging your breasts with a desperate groan. He was so in love with you. To have you underneath him like he'd fantasized about a hundred times before was unbelievable. Choso wanted, no, he needed you so insanely bad. Nothing would stop him from making you feel good and showing you how much he cared.

“Tell me what you want, honey."

“Y-You Cho! I want you! I've always wanted you!”

He nodded with a smirk, his hand gliding down to slip under your panties, his fingers brushing against your pussy. "Fuck, so wet~" This, indeed, was better than any of the daydreams he'd had about you when you had come home from college.

You were a mess, gasping pit loud, hands gripping the sheets underneath you. His fingers felt so much better than you had imagined them feeling. Being with him like this would make every solo session you had from this moment on lackluster. Thank god he was only a few streets away from you.

Because looking down at his hand working at you would not be enough to get you off in the future. You needed him, to feel him on you, touching you, feeling the heat of his body on you. "Fuck, your fingers feel so good-!" You mewled out, your hips bucking up against his hand.

Choso pulled his fingers up slightly to gently toying with your swollen clit. "Yeah? Is that true?" He chuckled softly, trying and failing to hide the desperation in his voice.

"Y-Yeah~ god, they're calloused, and it feels fucking good!” Your eyes bore into his with pure lust. "Will you please have sex with me? I bet you know how to fuck well, Cho."

Your childhood friend stiffens at your request. The shock faded into a need as he growled softly, sliding two fingers into your tight wet pussy to start stretching you out. "I have a bit of experience, yeah." His lips met yours in a searing kiss. “I’d be happy to show you how experienced I am.”

“Fuuck!” You inhaled sharply, looking up at him.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad~" You moaned out, your walls clenching around his fingers.

Choso growled in response, curling them up and slowly pumping them into your wet walls. "Such a good girl— fuck honey.” While you arched and squirmed underneath him, Chosk leaned over, nipping at your sensitive neck as he slid a third finger in, thrusting them into you with a low hum of approval.

You could hardly take it anymore. You threw your head back. His fingers brushed over a sensitive, spongy spot deep inside of you that you could hardly reach. But the instant his fingers pressed down on that mythical spot, you saw stars.

"I-I'm c-cumming!" You screamed out loud, causing Choso to finger you faster until your slick coated his fingers, making his cock throb hard.

Seeing you come undone like that left Choso smirking as he continued working his fingers in and out of you, helping her ride out your orgasm. His gentle touches and soothing kisses had you eager for more. Your fingers dug into his biceps, trying to drag him close to your face and attempt that Choso found himself helping you with and allowing his body to follow your needy touch until his lips were on yours.

"Fuck me, god, please fuck me." You whispered against his kiss-swollen lips.

At this point, your walls relaxed enough to allow Choso to slide his fingers from you, moving them up to his lips and cleaning them off with his mouth. “You want me?” he grabbed a condom from his bedside table. "You think you're ready?"

"Oh god, yes, please fuck. I'm so ready. I've been ready for so long. God, I need you, Cho; I need you so bad, please.” You pleaded out, looking down at his thick long cock that throbbed at the sound of your voice.

That begging left Choso a groaning mess as he nodded, sliding the condom over his length before pushing the head of his cock against your entrance. "F-Fuck, you're so tight, honey." Choso moaned softly before he slid his cock into you, grabbing your legs and placing them over his shoulders. "Tell me to stop, and I will, okay, sweetie?”

“I will.” You whispered, only to have your words cut off by a gasp as Choso pushed further inside of you. "I—fuck!”

Hearing your oft cries only pushed Choso to press himself further inside of you. He made sure to pay attention to your body, breathing, and facial reactions the entire time. He wanted you to feel as good as he did but didn't want to hurt you. Luckily for him, you were so wet; everything went as smoothly as any couple could hope for their first time. And this was one neither of you would forget.

"Are you okay, honey?" Choso asked tentatively as he pressed his hips to flush against yours. You nodded in agreement, trialing hot, open-mouth kisses down his neck, encouraging him to keep going as you rocked against him. Feeling you get into it made Choso feel drunk off of you and your pussy. He felt like he was desperately restraining himself from fucking you fast and hard, just the way he liked it. "Honey, fuck—you're making it hard to hold back."

"Then, fuck me the way you like it, Cho." You whispered as you stared into his eyes. "I want you, no matter if it's hard or slow. Being with you like this is more than I could have ever asked for.”

He growled softly, leaning in and biting down on your shoulder as he started to rail his cock into you. Losing the last remains of self-control he had. The sudden change of pace and speed left you screaming and whining as you dug your nails into his back.

"Cho!" You cried out, thrashing your head side to side against the pillows beneath you. Seeing you in such a state had Choso's eyes rolling back as he desperately fucked into you like a wild animal, growling into your shoulder. You whimpered and moaned louder, feeling your legs starting to tremble at the feeling of another orgasm approaching. "C—Cho!" Your own eyes rolled back into your head. "F-Fuck, I'm gonna cum if you keep fucking me this hard!"

Choso finally released his grip on your shoulder, kissing and biting at your neck between moans. "G-Good g-girl, fuck! I-I want you to c-cum on my cock, fucking milk me, honey--!"

You were going to cum, and you were going to cum hard. Not wanting to wake up his brother, you decided to follow his lead. You bit into Choso’s shoulder as hard as you could to silence your voice as she came hard around him. Getting fucked like this by your long-time crush was everything you dreamed of. And Choso felt the same as his eyes shot wide as you bit him, his teeth clenching as he groaned loudly as his cock twitched inside you, unloading his cum into you faster than he thought.

You both remained still like that, teeth and fingers digging into each other as your body shook with the aftershocks of your orgasms. You were the first to release him, panting as you pulled your teeth out of his, opting to wrap your arms around him instead. A gesture Choso was grateful for as he panted against your shimmering skin. You were pulling back to look down at you with blazing, dark eyes.

“Oh fuck." You giggled, tracing your nails down his back.

"God fuck, yeah, that was unexpected."

"It was Unexpected, but it felt so good." You whispered against his lips with a wide, warm smile.

Seeing such a warm smile made Choso melt against you as he realized he was falling harder for you. "Y-Yeah. " He let out a breathless laugh, disgrading the used condom in the trashcan before he laid back down, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. "Yeah, it did."

You relaxed against the bed, holding him close against you. "You know, I could get used to this. Hanging out at your place, making dinner, waiting for you to come home. It was nice." Your nails gently scratched at his scalp with a hum

“Only if you promise to let me take you on a real date. One that doesn't involve cartoons and crayons.” You giggled as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "You know, to an actual restaurant, then we can come back and have incredible sex like this over and over again."

"Mhmm, I hope you can match my sex drive.”

Choso couldn't stop the growl that rose in his lower chest as he tightened his grip around you. "Oh, honey, that's what's good about older men like me. We have the stamina and the experience."

You giggled as Choso yanked you onto his chest, holding you tight against him. “You're only older by four years, Cho.” His hand gently rubbed up and down your arm, as he sighed contently. As you nuzzled your head into his chest, Choso couldn't help but look up at his ceiling fan. “But that difference seemed to work out in our favor.” Pulling your head back, you rested your chin on his chest, finding His dark eyes focused solely on you; it was a look that melted your heart.

“Yeah, I guess it did, didn't it?” you agreed, resting your chin against his chest.

“Yeah, but it was well worth the wait,” Choso whispered, leaning down and kissing you softly.

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks @reap3erslov3 @wil10wthetree @luvsymai

Summer Fest Tag List:

@typicalife-101

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 14

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, some setting is in a hospital, mentions of catheters and needles, descriptions and talk of anaphylaxis, mentions of financial difficulties, mentions of alcohol, mentions of toxic parents, mentions of death and suicide, minors do not interact

word count: 7.9k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

palestine will be free

The first thing you feel is something plastic poking the inside of your nose. It smelled of chilly, medicinal air conditioning. 

The next thing you feel is a massive, unpleasant weight on your chest. Then at the crown of your head. Then some weird pressure squeezing your calves every few seconds. Then an entirely full bladder. 

“I need to fucking pee.” You mutter, voice dry and raspy. 

“I think you can just go, dude.” A familiar voice replies. 

You fight against the crustiness of your eyes but immediately regret it. All you can see through the slits of your eyelids is a harsh, white light. 

“Am I… Am I fucking blind?” You whine. 

“I’m pretty sure that your eyeballs are still inside your head. So hopefully not.” You hear the voice chuckle. 

You fight against the unforgiving glare from above, forcing your eyes open. It takes a few moments to gain control of your body, but you’re eventually able to crane your neck towards where the voice had previously echoed from. 

“J-Jesse?” You croak. 

“Yeah. I’m here, bud.” Your raven-haired friend smiles. 

You spot him to your left, sitting in, what appears to be, an uncomfortable armchair. He wore a blue disposable mask over his nose and mouth, his hair looking unkempt and unshowered, and you notice how his clothes look wrinkled and slept in. 

“What happened? Are you alright? What’s going on?” You groggily inquire. 

“You’re the one all strapped to a hospital bed, but you’re asking me if I’m okay?” 

Jesse takes your hand and squeezes it appreciatively. He flashes you a soft, warm smile. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks. 

“I-I’m not sure…” You admit. “What… what the hell happened?” 

“Well,” Jesse starts slowly. “You went on a date with Anderson to Orchards yesterday. At the end of it, you were being a total dummy and made out with her after she ate a whole plate of shrimp.” 

“N-no, no,” You interrupt, scrunching your face up as you try to recall the previous day’s events. “She ate this whole soup thing for dinner. Some weird French dish with some weird-sounding name.” 

“Bouillabaisse,” Jesse clarifies. “It’s a fish soup. It doesn’t always have shellfish in it, but hers apparently did.” 

You groan. 

“Oh, I am such a dumbass.” 

“Please explain to me exactly how you were being a dumbass in this situation.” 

“You literally just said that I was a dummy!” 

“That was Jesse of the past. I’m a much more mature man now in my old age.” 

You attempt to smack his arm, but he’s saved by the many coils of IVs attached to you, pulling your hand back. 

As he playfully rebukes you for attempted physical abuse, another person enters the room. A kind-looking nurse walks in with a clipboard in hand. Wearing dark blue scrubs, a low ponytail, and a surgical mask, she greets you with a friendly wave. She approaches your bedside opposite Jesse, and her glasses-covered eyes indicate a friendly smile. 

“Hi there,” She nods. “My name is Yoojin. I’m your nurse today. I’m so sorry for not being here when you woke up. I had to step out for a few seconds, but your brother here assured me that you were in capable hands.” 

You turn to Jesse and mouth in amusement, “Brother?” 

He suppresses a laugh. 

“Later.” He whispers through his mask. 

You turn to Yoojin with a small grin. 

“No worries. I only just woke up now.” You assure. 

She gives you, what you assume, is another smile under her mask. 

“So how are you feeling?” 

Jesse remained by your side the entire time, only leaving briefly when he needed to use the bathroom or take a call. He sympathized with your gripes about being bedridden, making lighthearted jokes about your catheter, messing around with the IPC devices off your legs over and over until a nurse came in and kindly asked him to stop. 

The TV in your room wasn’t working, so he kept you entertained, cracking his usual dad jokes and telling some old stories of Jackson you hadn’t heard yet. You pretended not to notice that the anecdotes he’d recall always excluded an essential person in his childhood, and you tried your best not to remark on it. 

After a couple of hours, Dina finally came around to visit. She walks in as you’re berating Jesse for stealing a fruit cup you knew you weren’t going to eat. The sight of her immediately warms your heart. 

“Dina!” You exclaim. “Oh, I missed you.” 

Dina sets her bag down next to Jesse, lowers her face mask for a moment to give him a quick peck on the cheek, and pulls up a chair next to him. She takes your hand and beams at you graciously. You notice that her eyes are slightly glassy. 

“Oh, babe,” She sighs. “I missed you too. Sorry that I’m just getting here. Had to deal with a few things before I came over.” 

“Don’t apologize, D. I’m just glad to see you.” 

She squeezes your hand softly. 

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” She gulps. “You worried us so much.” 

“Sorry about that,” You grin sheepishly. “I was being a bit of a dummy.” 

Dina blinks for a moment before giving Jesse a smack on the back of his head at this. 

“Oy vey. You asshole.” She chides knowingly. 

“Hey! No need to abuse me! I’m delicate.” 

He caresses the spot where she hit him as you laugh heartily. 

The couple recounts the events of last night for you, explaining in detail as much as they know. You listen without interruption until they reach the topic of your EpiPen. 

“But how’d you guys get to my EpiPen so quickly? Did you pass by my apartment?” You ask them curiously. “I don’t mind if you guys did! It’s just not that close to the restaurant. Wouldn’t have made much sense to book it back to my apartment, honestly.” 

Dina and Jesse share a look you don’t understand. Your eyebrows furrow, confused by their hesitation. Eventually, Dina responds. 

“Uh, well…” She begins slowly. “Jesse actually happened to have a spare EpiPen at his place. Thank god, right?” 

“You did?” You turn your head towards Jesse. “I didn’t even know you had one, Jesse.” 

“Y-yeah,” Dina continues cautiously as you notice Jesse’s expression shift to a poker face. “He used to have an, uh, egg allergy growing up.” 

“What?” You ask incredulously. 

“Yup,” Jesse chimes in. “I grew out of it when I was in high school. But my mom still insists that I have an EpiPen on me. Just in case.” 

You continue to look completely discombobulated. You don’t fully buy their story, especially since neither were looking you directly in the face. But you’ve always trusted Dina as a sister and Jesse like a brother, so you half-heartedly accept the tale they’ve decided to present you with. 

“Oh, okay,” You say, slightly unconvinced. “Well, thank god for that, I guess. Is it okay that you used it on me, though? What if you suddenly need it again?” 

“No worries,” Jesse assures you. “I’ll call my mom and ask her to send me a new one.” 

His poker face improves, so you concede for now. 

The couple continue to recount the previous day’s events until they eventually catch up to the present. 

“Only family is technically allowed to visit you in the ICU,” Dina confesses at one point. “Jesse had to say he’s your brother to get past the nurses' station. The nurse manning the desk at the time could definitely tell we were lying, but she was really nice and allowed it anyway.” 

“Oh, gotcha,” You say. “Well, you’re basically my brother, anyway.” 

“You should feel so lucky to share the same genes as me.” He boasts, stealthily avoiding yet another smack from Dina. 

“What about you, D?” You ask, turning towards her. “What did you say you were? My sister?” 

“Nah, I didn’t wanna be siblings with Jesse, even just as pretend.” She grimaces. 

“Okay, yeah, didn’t think of that,” You realize, scrunching up your nose in total disgust at the thought. “Gross.” 

“Wouldn’t be able to get that image out of my head.” Dina shudders. “Anyway, I told them that I’m your life partner.” 

“My what?” You giggle. 

“Hey, it counts!” Dina defends. “Well, kind of. The nurse had to list me as your ‘spouse’ instead, which feels like a hate crime.” 

“Oh, shut up.” You laugh as Jesse chuckles. 

“What? You don’t wanna be married to me?” Dina asks in mocking shock and offense. 

“I am absolutely honoured to be married to you,” You assure her. “I’m just worried about poor Jesse. How in the world are we supposed to break it to him that we’ve actually been married for over ten years?” 

“Oh, please, Jesse’s known from the start that he’s always just been a side piece.” 

“Hey!” Jesse interjects in indignance. “I’m right here.” 

“Be quiet, side piece. The wife and I are speaking.” Dina waves him off. 

You burst out into laughter at Jesse’s playfully hurt expression. 

The three of you discuss what the doctors have told you, and you eventually bring up the conditions required of you to be discharged. 

“I know that the doctors and nurses saved my life and whatever. And of course, I’m very grateful. And I truly do not mean any disrespect,” You say. “But I want to get the fuck out of here, uhh, right fucking now.” 

Dina smiles and Jesse chuckles. 

“I know, babe.” Dina sympathizes. 

“You’ll be out sooner than you know, bud,” Jesse adds. “Don’t stress over it. We’ll get you out as soon as possible.” 

“Oh!” Dina suddenly pipes up and reaches into her bag. “I can’t believe I forgot. I brought your phone. I was able to grab your purse for you before the paramedics took you away. I turned it off and charged it at home, so it should have some juice.” 

She places your phone in your hand, and you flash her a grateful smile. 

“D, you need to be canonized for your good deeds, I swear. With a statue and everything.” 

“Oh, I know,” Dina smirks. “Brought your wallet too. Not sure if you wanna keep it here or bring it back to your apartment, though.” 

“I’ll ask them if I can keep it here with me.” 

A thought suddenly hits you. 

“I’ll… I’ll have to figure out how to pay for all this when I get out.” You sigh. 

“Oh, babe,” Dina says reassuringly. “Don’t worry about any of that right now. Just focus on resting, okay?” 

“Your insurance will hopefully take care of a huge chunk of it,” Jesse contemplates. “It’s through your dad, right?” 

“That’s what I’m worried about,” You say as your hands begin to fidget anxiously. “Something as big as this, they’ll probably contact my parents. I… I can’t let them know I’m in here. I know it’ll start shit and… I just know it won’t be good.” 

The couple give you identical, concerned looks. 

“D-do they know? Th-that I’m in here?” You ask timidly. 

“Not that we know,” Jesse replies. “Neither of them is on your emergency contact list. And you know that Dina and I would never speak to either of them. Unless it’s to tell them to shove a stick up their respective asses.” 

You and Dina giggle. 

“Speaking of which,” Dina adds. “You can ask your uncle. I called him yesterday while you were still out. I hope that’s alright.” 

“Oh, that was so thoughtful of you,” You say gratefully. “What did he say? I hope he didn’t worry too much.” 

“Honey, you almost died. Of course, he’s worried. He loves you.” She checks the time on her phone. “He should be arriving sometime later today, actually.” 

“Shit,” You groan. “He didn’t have to do that. He gets so busy with work during this time of the year. This must have been so inconvenient—” 

Jesse suddenly takes his thumb and middle finger and flicks you on the forehead. 

“What the fuck!” You exclaim in indignance, rubbing the spot you were hit, as Dina gives him another hard smack on the head. Jesse ignores you both. 

“You are more important than any goddamn job that exists in the world, in the whole motherfucking galaxy. Your uncle loves you, just as we do. So no more complaining about it, dumbass.” 

You give him a pouty look, but his words fill your heart. 

Your best friends stay the rest of the time until your uncle arrives around midday. Relief and affection overwhelm you when he enters the room. You squeeze him with the tightest embrace you can possibly give for someone essentially strapped to their hospital bed. You ignore the loud beeping resulting from the tangling of your many IV wires. 

After your friends help you unravel all the cords, they gather their things and get up from their chairs. 

“We’ll let you guys talk.” Jesse says, offering his seat to your uncle. 

“Oh, you don’t have to leave.” Your uncle graciously assures them. 

“It’s alright; have some family time,” Jesse insists kindly. “I’m pretty sure she can only have two visitors at a time, anyway.” 

The couple make their way towards the sliding glass door. 

“I cannot express how grateful I am for you two,” Your uncle says before they exit. “Thank you for saving her life. And thank you for keeping me in the loop.” 

“Please, no need to thank us, really.” Dina nods kindly. “She’s family. We would do absolutely anything for her.” 

“That means you’re both family to me too.” Your uncle concludes. “Thank you.” 

You hold back tears of vast emotion from three of the most important people in your life exchanging such caring sentiments. You’ve never felt luckier. 

“We’ll be in the waiting room,” Jesse promises. “Let us know if either of you needs anything, okay?” 

Jesse and Dina take their leave, and your uncle subsequently takes a seat next to you. 

“Oh, Uncle,” You start before he can speak. “I’m so, so sorry. You shouldn’t have flown all this way. I can’t believe I was so stupid to have—” 

“Hey, hey,” Your uncle interjects. “None of that. You have no reason to be sorry. You needed me, so I’m here. I’m not mad, and this is not your fault.” 

Tears form in the corners of your eyes. 

“I just feel like I’ve inconvenienced so many people. If I could have just paid attention…” You lament. “And now I’ve totally made you drop everything to be here. I know you’ve still got work—” 

“You are a thousand times more important than my job, sweetheart.” He shakes his head and squeezes your hand, echoing Jesse’s previous words. 

“But…” 

“You are my family. Nothing is more important than that.” 

You smile at his adamancy. 

“And especially since losing Rafael,” He continues. “I think of you as my own.” 

“I know, Uncle.” 

You squeeze his hand back in affection. 

“D-did…” You suddenly say. “Did you tell—” 

“No, your mother and father don’t know a thing about this.” He answers insightfully. 

“Thank god.” 

“Did you want me to tell them?” 

You grimace. Your uncle chuckles. 

“I figured as much.” He surmises. 

“I just don’t know how to keep this from them forever, though,” You continue. “They’ll see it through the insurance company. I…” 

“Don’t worry about that. I can talk to the nurses later today before I leave, see if I can pay it in full myself without needing to use your father’s insurance.” 

“Uncle, please. Please don’t do that. This is going to be so costly, and you’ve still got your mortgage and Raf’s leftover student debt—” 

“I just want you to focus on getting better, alright? I don’t want anything else on your plate right now.” 

“Uncle, promise me. Please. Please promise me. Do not spend a single cent on this. I want to do this on my own. I’ll figure it out. Please promise me.” 

He gives you nothing more than a smile in response. 

Your friends and uncle take turns rotating as your company for the rest of the day. They’d only leave your side when the doctors and nurses needed to conduct extensive tests to ensure that you were still stable. You were never on your own for more than a few seconds, your loved ones determined that you not feel alone. 

You’d turned your phone on almost immediately after Dina’d handed it to you. But as a small, gracious gesture of appreciation, you had set it aside to give your visitors your undivided attention for the rest of the day. 

It wasn’t until the evening, when your friends and uncle waved you goodbye as visiting hours ended, that you allowed yourself to finally glance at your notifications. 

Anxiously picking your phone up, the first thought you have is to call Abby. Jesse and Dina had mentioned she was with them in the waiting room the night before. But, like your friends, she was informed that she wasn’t permitted to see you in the ICU as she wasn’t family. Dina and Jesse sent her home with the promise to let her know as soon as possible when you finally woke up and that you were alright. 

You notice that she’d messaged you earlier in the day. But much too embarrassed to face her just yet, you decide instead to first call your old freshman roommate. 

Tara picks up after only two rings, almost as if she’d been waiting by the phone for your call. She greets you with a happy shriek of your full name, an amused giggle escaping your lips as a response to her sudden enthusiasm. 

“Thank fucking god!!! I’ve been waiting all fucking day to hear the sound of your voice!” 

“Umm, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” You reply, smirking. “This is actually Satan, here to leave a message. I’m calling to let you know that I will be collecting your mortal soul sometime during the next 24 hours.” 

“Oh nooooo,” Tara plays along. “What on earth have I done to warrant eternal damnation, Miss Satan?” 

“Not sure if you know, but homosexuality is actually a cardinal sin. And unfortunately, you seem to be a notorious, flaming homosexual. I know, I know; it’s quite disappointing. But alas, I do not make the rules.”  

“But Miss Satan, are you not a homosexual too?” 

“Well, that’s exactly how I know it’s a sin.” 

The two of you crackle at each other’s banter, and you make plans in your head to spend more time with Tara and the rest of the girls after you’re released from the hospital. 

You and Tara chat for a little while about the most mundane things, like her classes the day before and her plans for the weekend. She apologizes for not having more to say and for “being so boring,” but you’re genuinely happy to just hear her prattle off about anything. 

At some point, she hands her phone over to Astrid, who greets you with a similarly delighted shriek that her girlfriend had received you with prior. She gushes over you with love and concern, insisting that she and all the Wilson girls come to visit you as soon as you’re out and adjusted. 

“Tara just about broke down when I told her about it.” She reveals. “She was about to leave for her shift at Ruston’s when Dina called, and I’m pretty sure the whole dorm could hear her sobbing.” 

“What?! I did not!” You hear Tara shout from a short distance. 

“You had so much snot running down from your nose that I just about hosed your face down before you left!” Astrid yells back. 

“Stop telling her that! She doesn’t need to hear all that!!” 

You giggle at the couple’s repartee. 

“Anyway,” Astrid continues. “Kris, Sid, and I tried to come down for a visit, but they apparently only let family in. Jesse and Dina seemed to have monopolized the fake roles of being your family already.” 

“Yeah, sorry about that, Addy.” 

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” She brushes off. “I’m just glad that you haven’t been alone there. Those two really care about you, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Dina started to make a whole fuss when they wouldn’t let us past,” Astrid continues. “Threatened to sue the nurses, all the doctors, the entire hospital. The receptionist nurse didn’t even get a chance to kick her out ‘cause Jesse himself forced her to go leave and take a walk to calm down. I don’t think she came back until a couple of hours later.” 

“Yeah, that sounds like our Dina.” You snort. 

The two of you discuss what you’d like to do whenever you finally get released, Astrid swearing to get you out of your apartment nearly every day after your discharge. 

“I don’t think I have all the stamina for all that, babe.” You chuckle. 

“Then you better get yourself to the gym with Jesse, and build that stamina the fuck up! I want your sexy self at parties and clubs, living your best 20s life with us!” 

You chuckle warily at this, simultaneously pushing away the reminder of who Jesse’s daily workout partner is. 

After saying your goodbyes to Tara and Astrid, you make brief calls to the rest of the girls of the Wilson Crew. They all answer your calls with an assortment of jubilant greetings, each girl expressing their elation and gratefulness that you’re finally awake and safe. 

You send individual texts of love to Dina, Jesse, and your uncle, thanking them extensively for coming to your aid and expressing your excitement to see them again very soon. 

Having done your rounds of gratitude, you finally acknowledge that you can no longer ignore the unread texts of the blonde-braided woman you’d had your near-fatal dinner with. You open up your message thread with Abby to see that she’d sent you only three texts earlier in the day. 

You stare at her text. 

Oh. Huh. 

No part of you blamed Abby for the incident; in fact, you’d been feeling a tremendous amount of remorse for putting her through such a traumatizing and jarring ordeal. It had been plaguing you so much since you woke up that you were far too embarrassed to ask Jesse and Dina more about her. 

But something about her texts bothers you. There was very little warmth and familiarity in her messages. Her words didn’t seem that of the woman who had been walking you to your classes every day, who showed you off to her friends at the Bow and the Arrow, who treated you to a lavish restaurant on a fancy date. Who kissed you with so much passion on the sidewalk of that same restaurant the evening before. 

Is… Is she angry with me? 

You continue to stare at her strange messages for several more minutes, unable to process the situation you’re somehow in now. You can’t think of an appropriate response that would lead to something honest, so you decide to put your response off. 

A-at least until after they release me… At least until I get home… 

The doctors only began to discuss the possibility of your discharge early Sunday morning. Though it hadn’t even been a full two days since your admittance, it took everything in you not to practically beg them to let you go. You’d been insisting to anyone who’d listen that you were completely fine, that you’d walk right out yourself if you weren’t strapped to your bed with a million wires. 

It wasn’t until midday, as you were mercilessly beating Jesse’s Shy Guy as Pink Gold Peach in Mario Kart, that Yoojin walked into your room with good news. You don’t notice her at first, too busy taunting Jesse for landing in 7th place while you scored 1st. 

“You only won because I got Lakitu’d in the second lap! Fuckin’ Isabelle was sending red shells at me nonstop…” Jesse gripes. 

“Sucks. Sounds like a personal problem, man.” You shrug. 

“Alright, I want a rematch, but on the Egg course this time.” 

“You’re such a sore fucking loser!” 

“There’s a shortcut on Yoshi’s circuit close to where the finish line is, by the way,” Yoojin interjects, eyes smiling. “If you use a mushroom and drift to the hidden waterfall on the right, it’ll get you pretty far ahead.” 

You and Jesse look up, a bit sheepish at her witnessing your juvenile behaviour. The nurse looks completely unbothered by it, however, and she approaches your bed as you place your controller down. 

“Aww, come on, Yoojin,” You whine. “Don’t tell him that! I’m on a winning streak!” 

“Shh,” Jesse shushes you, attempting to cover your face with one hand. “Don’t listen to her, Yoojin. She’s delirious from all the drugs you’ve been pumping her with. I must know all your secrets, ‘cause I swear, this one is cheating.” 

“Maybe later,” Yoojin laughs as you flick Jesse’s forehead. “Because you might want to hear what your doctor just told me.” 

Your ears perk up at this. 

“I can go home?” 

“Your most recent labs just came back, and everything looks good.” Yoojin nods. “And your vitals have been stable for the last 24 hours. So unless you plan on wolfing down ten pounds of shrimp sometime before leaving, we can get started on getting you released sometime later today.” 

Your face breaks out in a huge smile, and you turn to grasp Jesse’s arm. 

“Dude! I can go home!” You exclaim. 

“Yes, I heard,” Jesse says. You can feel his smirk through his face mask. “Finally.” 

You turn back to Yoojin. 

“I can go right now?” You ask. 

“It’ll take a couple of hours to make sure everything’s set for your discharge,” Yoojin says, chuckling at your eagerness. “But just hang tight, and you’ll be out of here in no time.” 

“Why don’t you guys settle things here while I go tell your uncle?” Jesse offers. 

Your uncle had stepped out to get some lunch at the hospital’s food court not too long ago. He and Jesse had arrived on the dot when visiting hours began earlier in the day. Dina had accompanied them but left shortly after to take care of other obligations, promising to be right back the second she was done. 

“Oh, that’d be great,” You say. “Thanks, Jess.” 

“No worries, bud. I’ll be right back.” 

He gives you a pat on the head before leaving you alone with the nurse. 

“So before you leave, we’ll go over a few things to make sure you don’t suddenly relapse during the next few days,” Yoojin begins. “And we’ll make sure you go home with a couple of new, unexpired EpiPens, just in case.” 

You nod as she goes on to explain the plans for your discharge. You listen attentively, determined not to end up back in the hospital like this again. As Yoojin wraps up, you work yourself up to ask her a question that’s been at the tip of your tongue since the beginning of the conversation. 

“Hey, umm, before you go,” You mutter nervously. “I wanted to ask about how much all of this will cost me. I-I know it’ll be pricey and all, especially with two brand new EpiPens, so I just want to be prepared.” 

“That’s not really something I can help you with,” Yoojin replies apologetically. “That’s the jurisdiction of the hospital’s billing department. But I’m sure you can get it all settled with your insurance after you’ve been released. Depending on what you have, they should cover most of it.” 

You give her a tentative smile as you wring your blanket between your fingers. 

“A-alright then.” You sigh defeatedly. 

It takes about two hours for you to finally be released from all your restraints and another hour until you’re finally walking out of the hospital and into the sunny parking lot. Yoojin allowed you a quick embrace before you left, insisting that you promise to be much more careful from here on out. 

You lean against your uncle and Jesse for support as you exit the hospital’s automatic sliding doors, legs still a little shaky after being bedridden for so long. Dina pulls up next to you in her car and gets out to open the passenger door. 

“M’lady.” She says with a bow, gesturing to the seat. 

“Shut up, D.” You laugh, rolling your eyes. 

“You sure you’ve got everything?” Your uncle inquires. 

“I think so,” You reply. “Didn’t really bring anything with me.” 

“Alright, well, I’ll head to my hotel room first so I can take care of a few things. I’ll meet the three of you at your apartment sometime later today. Sound good?” 

You, Jesse, and Dina all nod in unison. Before he walks away, you wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. 

“Thank you so much, Uncle,” You murmur. “It means so much to me that you came.” 

“Anything for you, sweetheart. Anything at all.” 

He gives you a quick squeeze before releasing you, promising he won’t take very long before walking away towards his rental car. 

“So,” Dina chimes. “Wanna grab some gross, greasy non-hospital food on the way home?” 

 When you finally cross the threshold of your apartment, you’d already wolfed down the majority of your fries along with half a chocolate milkshake. You collapse onto your couch with a relieved sigh, your best friends falling next to you on either side. You lean your head onto Dina’s shoulder as you take her hand between both of yours. 

“I think I’m about to go into the world’s longest food coma.” You decree. 

“I’m right alongside you, dude.” Jesse agrees, having devoured one and a half burgers himself on the way. 

“No comas, please, or we’re gonna have to turn right back around and readmit you into that hospital.” Dina says. 

“Never again, please,” You beg. “If I have to hear the nonstop beeping of a heart monitor for one more second, I’m going into straight-up fight-or-flight mode.” 

Your friends chuckle. 

“Alright,” Jesse eventually says as he sits up straighter. “Now that you’ve been freed, what do you want to do first?” 

You hum as you ponder his question. 

“Get so blackout drunk that I totally forget this entire experience ever even happened in the first place?” You offer. 

“Right, well, perhaps we can do something that isn’t completely stupid and detrimental to your health. Especially after you were just in the hospital after almost dying.” Dina retorts. 

You boo her as Jesse chuckles. 

“Well,” You continue. “I guess I should tell the girls I’m finally out. I promised them I would. Or did you guys say anything to them already?” 

“Not yet,” Dina says. “They’ll probably want to hear it from you.” 

You groan. 

“You’re right. Ugh. I don’t think I can handle the sheer amount of screaming and excitement that’ll come with it, though. Kris sounded like she was going to smother me with so much love that I’d suffocate from it.” 

“You can always put it off, at least until tomorrow.” Jesse counters. 

“I guess so. You think they’ll be mad?” 

“Babe,” Dina says, squeezing your hands and rolling her eyes. “You almost died. I think they’ll survive a day.” 

“Alright, alright,” You giggle. “I probably should focus on getting work done before class tomorrow, anyway.” 

“Ma’am, I know you are not thinking of going to your classes right after you were just in the hospital all weekend.” Jesse scolds sternly. 

“I’m fine!” 

“Dear lord.” Jesse sighs, exasperated. 

“Like I said,” Dina repeats. “You almost died. School is not a priority right now. You need to be resting, not writing essays and doing homework.” 

“I don’t want to fall behind!” 

“Didn’t your doctor give you a school note before we left earlier? She said you can give it to your professors to excuse you from your classes this week.” 

“Yeah, but it’s not mandatory or anything. I’m fully recovered now, so it just seems totally unnecessary.” 

“Like hell it is!” Dina bellows before releasing your hands to stand up from the couch. You fall flat on your face onto her spot when her shoulder disappears from under your head, and you muffle irritated curses into the couch cushion. You look up to see she’s disappeared momentarily into your bedroom. 

“D… What are you doing?” 

Dina reemerges after a few seconds, your laptop in her hands. 

“Babe. What’d you get that for?” You ask suspiciously. 

“I’m emailing all of your professors myself to tell them that you will not be attending any of your classes this week. Especially since it seems that you want to be such a stubborn dumbass about it…” Dina says matter-of-factly, shoving your head away from her spot on the couch to sit beside you once more. 

“Never should have given you my password.” You grumble as Dina opens up your laptop and easily bypasses your lockscreen. 

“Alright, who are all your professors again?” She asks, opening up your browser to access your email. 

“I’m not telling you!” You reply stubbornly, crossing your arms. 

“Hmm… I know she’s got Olinick’s double class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Mulligan at least on Mondays—” Jesse lists, counting your professors on one hand. 

“No, no, no, I don’t!” You turn towards him, shoving your hands in his face. 

“—I think Joslin from the English department too, but I can’t remember if that was last year or this year.” 

“Jesse!” 

By the time your uncle arrives at your apartment, you’d conceded to your best friends and allowed them to draft an excuse email to all of your professors. Dina opens the door for him after he knocks while you make final edits to your letters, and he settles into the ratty, secondhand armchair right next to the couch. 

Your uncle chuckles at the scene before him: you with a focused look on your face typing rapidly on your laptop, Jesse leaning back into the couch while gently patting the top of your head as he continued to make suggestions to your email, and DIna taking her seat right back next to you before kicking her feet onto your lap as you lift and place your laptop on top of her legs. It had been a while since your uncle had seen you so relaxed around other people, the last time being right before your freshman year of college. His fondness for your best friends quickly grows by the second. 

You look up from your work for a moment to smile warmly at your uncle, and he returns it with one of his own. 

“Hi, Uncle! Sorry, I’m just finishing up this email to my professors.” 

“No need to apologize, sweetheart. You telling them you won’t be attending any classes this week?” 

“Yup,” Jesse answers for you. “Took a lot of bullying on our part to convince her not to overwork herself with school right now.” 

“This dummy wanted to go back to classes right away as if nothing happened.” Dina rolls her eyes as she extracts a foot from underneath your laptop to kick you softly, earning her a stern “Hey, hey, hey!” from you. 

“Well, thank goodness she has you two to set her straight.” Your uncle chuckles. 

“Oh, she’s absolutely lost without us.” Jesse says, continuing to pat the top of your head. 

Your uncle smiles. He can tell that Jesse’s joking around, but he knows that the couple have both been selflessly keeping you alive for the past few years. 

“So how are you feeling?” Your uncle continues with concern etched on his face. 

“Not so bad,” You admit. “Just so glad to be among civilians once again.” 

You feel Jesse rub your upper back kindly. 

“I’m sure,” Your uncle smiles kindly. “How about we talk about what you’re going to do now that you’re out?” 

The four of you discuss what the next, post-hospital visit steps would be. They remind you of the check-up appointment you have later in the week, caution you once more about what foods you need to constantly be looking out for, and double-check that you have your new EpiPens handy and within constant reach. 

“I still have my current EpiPen in the bathroom,” You say. “It hasn’t lapsed yet. So maybe I can give you each of the ones they sent me home with, if that isn’t too much of an inconvenience to either of you guys?” 

You turn towards Dina then Jesse. 

“You sure?” Jesse asks. 

“Yeah, I mean, I obviously don’t want something like this to happen again. But if, by some hideous trick of fate, I end up in a repeat situation, it might be smart to just have one in multiple places. Just to cover my bases, I guess.” 

“I don’t mind at all,” Dina nods. “As long as you have easy access to one at all times.” 

“Yeah, that was my thinking too,” You agree. “Plus, I don’t want to have to use one of yours again, Jess.” 

“Mm, I guess.” Jesse hums. 

Your eyes meet his and you once again recognize his poker face. 

“That sounds like a good plan,” Your uncle agrees. “Let’s try not to rely on just luck next time around.” 

You give him an apologetic smile. 

The sun had been set for at least an hour when Dina and Jesse finally took their leave. Both offer to stay the night, in case you suddenly need either of them, but you assure them that you’ll survive one night alone just fine. You embrace each of them tightly, putting every ounce of gratitude you have into your hugs. 

You settle back onto the couch after you see them both out the door, and you turn towards your uncle still sitting in the armchair. 

“I know I’ve said this probably a hundred times the past day or so,” You begin. “But thank you for coming, Uncle.” 

“I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t come,” He replies. “Neither would Raf if he was still around.” 

You both share a sad smile. 

“I miss him, Uncle…” You whisper suddenly. 

“I know. I do too.” 

You sigh before continuing. 

“I wish he was still here. I feel… I feel so incomplete without him around. Like this has all been an awful nightmare that I have yet to wake up from.” 

“I know just what you mean,” Your uncle laments. “But our lives still go on, sweetheart. I think it’d make him sad to see us grieving him for the rest of our lives.” 

“But… it just feels so wrong. It feels so wrong to stop grieving for him, to move on from him.” 

“It’s not exactly moving on from him,” Your uncle ponders. “It’s more like… We make a place for him in our hearts. It’s sort of like he becomes a part of us. He’ll always be in everything we do.” 

Your eyes well up as a childhood memory floods your thoughts. 

When you were eleven years old, you had your first anaphylactic experience. You and Rafael were hanging out at his house, your uncle at work all day. You were making a mess in the kitchen, developing concoctions with half the contents of the pantry. As you were dumping a bag of marshmallows into a blender full of graham crackers and banana slices, Rafael fished an old bag of chips out of one of the cabinets. 

The writing on the bag was all in a language you couldn’t understand, but the superheroes on the front seemed to be enjoying the crunchy snack. Raf was tearing the bag open before your greasy fingers started grabbing at its contents. 

It didn’t even take two minutes until Rafael realized something was wrong. You were annoyed and taken aback when he slapped the chips out of your hand. It wasn’t until he was hauling you to the garage and strapping you into the passenger seat that you began to feel dizzy. By the time Rafael had driven to the emergency room, your skin had broken out into hives and your throat felt completely swollen. The last thing that you remembered before blacking out was your faithful cousin scooping you up and sprinting to the emergency room’s entrance. 

You didn’t hear the end of it from your parents when you’d woken up from being unconscious after a couple of hours. Your mother spared no shame in relentlessly admonishing you, regardless of who was in the room, for your “stupidity.” The doctors and nurses offered you continuous looks of pity as they had to witness your many verbal lashings, though none stepped in to interfere. You were blamed for inconveniencing the family, for forgetting your EpiPen at home, for “forcing” Rafael to drive a car when he didn’t have his driver’s license yet, for obligating your parents to pay for your medical bills. 

From that day on, your fear of your parents’ wrath was far greater than the fear of possibly falling prey to your fatal allergy. 

All that gave you hope was your uncle and cousin coming to your defense. Unlike your parents, they showered you with care and love, especially Rafael who felt guilty and responsible for your admission. They nursed you back to health after you were released, Rafael promising you that he’d never let it happen to you again. 

 “Can I tell you something, Uncle?” You ask. “I didn’t even tell Jesse or Dina this. And I don’t think I ever could.”  

“You never even have to ask, sweetheart. You know you can tell me anything.” 

“I…” You gulp. “There was a point… while I was in the ICU that I was a little lucid for a few moments…” 

You wring your fingers together in uneasiness as you stare down at your lap, unable to meet your uncle’s eyes. 

“I… I didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t know I was going through anaphylaxis again. But I just knew… I felt that something was wrong with me.” 

Your uncle listens to you intently, his chin on his hands folded as if he were praying. 

“Something inside me… Somehow, I knew that I was dying,” You continue. “Or I knew that at that moment, I could die. I could keep going… or I could choose to let my body give out completely.” 

You finally meet your uncle’s gaze. 

“And I wanted to. I wanted to just… go,” You confess. “Not in a s-suicidal way. Not exactly, at least.” 

Your eyes fill with thick tears. 

“But… I wanted to be with him again. I knew that if I gave in, if I succumbed to whatever was killing me, I would see him again.” 

Your bottom lip shakes as you continue. 

“I miss him so f-fucking much, Uncle. I don’t know how to go on without him around. I’m so l-lost and confused, and all I want to do is talk to h-him about it. But I can’t. There’s n-nobody else in this world that I’ve ever felt as close to as him. Maybe except—” 

You break off before you can finish, shaking off the memory of ocean green eyes and a constellation of freckles. The look on your uncle’s face tells you that he already knows how your sentence was going to end, but he says nothing. 

“He told me he’d never let anything happen to me. He was always supposed to be here with me,” You sob. “I know that’s selfish. I know that his life didn’t revolve around me. But so much of mine did. I planned… I built my life to always include him. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?” 

Your uncle’s sad eyes watch as you roughly wipe your cheeks of the tears uncontrollably streaming down. 

“Sweetheart…” Your uncle begins as he stands up from the armchair to sit next to you on the couch. “You are not selfish. I know how much he meant to you. How much he still means to you.” 

He takes your hands between his. 

“I just…” You sniffle. “It’s been years. I thought I’d healed from it already. I thought I’d moved past all the pain.” 

“It’s not a continuous thing, dealing with your grief.” Your uncle smiles softly. “You’ll have moments, hard ones where it’ll all feel raw and fresh again. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or selfish. You just have your own way of handling your sadness.” 

You nod in acknowledgement of his words. 

“But I think we both owe it to Raf to live our lives, to be happy without him around,” He continues. “His gift to us was time. Time with him and great memories. Even if he’s no longer with us, we’ll continue to carry that gift with us wherever we go.” 

Your uncle smiles and you return it, though wistfully. 

“I’m very grateful that you trusted me to share this with me,” Your uncle begins. “But don’t be afraid to talk about this with your friends. Especially those two.” 

“Jesse and Dina?” 

He nods. 

“I see just how much they love you,” Your uncle says. “They seem like they would do absolutely anything for you. And I am so grateful that you have people like that in your life.” 

“Yeah, they… mean so much to me.” 

“I’m glad. So, please. If I’m not around, don’t be afraid to confide in those two. I’m sure if the roles were reversed, you’d do the same for them.” 

“I’d do absolutely anything for them.” 

“Exactly. So don’t be afraid to embrace the love in your life. You deserve that. And that’s exactly what Rafael would want for you.” 

You throw your arms around your uncle and sob into his shoulder. 

You and your uncle continue to talk for a while until you realize that it’s nearly midnight. Like your friends, he offers to stay the night in case you need him. But you know his flight home was only in a few short hours, so you insist that he go back to his hotel to get a bit of sleep before he needs to leave for the airport. 

It took everything in you not to beg him to stay, but you couldn’t bear troubling him further. And you longed to finally have some time to yourself, so you put on a brave face.  

After your many assurances that you would take care of yourself better, you walk him to your front door. When you open it up, you both notice a simple brown box with a thin bow placed on top of your doormat. You pick it up, noticing how light it feels in your hands. 

“What is this?” You mutter. 

“You got a package?” Your uncle asks, looking at the box. 

“No… I didn’t order anything.” 

“Strange. Maybe your friends Dina and Jesse left it for you.” He offers. 

“I… I guess,” You frown. “Although, I don’t really know why they wouldn’t just give it to me when they were here earlier.” 

“Hmm, that’s true,” He hums, squinting his eyes at it. “A secret admirer, perhaps?” 

“Ha ha, Uncle. Very funny.” 

You give him an amused grimace before untying the bow and removing the lid. You gasp as you recognize what it contains. 

“Oh…” 

You drop the box and embrace its previous contents. 

“My Barbie Bear…” 

author's notes:

thank y'all so much for you patience waiting for this new chapter to come out. i literally wrote like, half of this while in the psych ward, and that was all the way in decemeber sldkfjlsdk

tbh i meant this chapter to be a lot shorter than it turned out to be but lskdjfs more content for y'all ig!

reader's first words after waking up is inspired by me saying, "i need to poop so bad" when the doctors were busy working on me in the emergency room lmaoooo

silver lining of me being in the icu back in december is being able to describe it in detail in this chapter hehe. being in the icu suuuuucked but mostly cause it was boring and cold and i wasn't allowed to get up to pee!!!

the nurse yoojin is named after one of my nurses while i was in the hospital. i loveddddd her, she was such a sweetheart and it made me so happy whenever she was assigned to me. i was rewatching arcane while i was in the hospital, and she saw and asked me about it, and then we gabbed about the show and league of legends (cause she religiously plays the game but hasn't watched arcane yet), and i eventually convinced her to actually watch the show heeeheee

reader’s uncle saying he sees reader as his own is what uncle iroh says to zuko in atla, fun little easter egg heehee (you know me and my love for easter eggs)

reader greeting tara on the phone as satan was how i first greeted my best friend when i was finally able to call her through the public phone in the psych ward (hi rhi LOL)

pink gold peach is my main in mario kart lol

reader's professors mentioned are all named after old professors from my former college's theatre department (rip dennis, miss you always ❤️)

reader’s uncle telling her “we make a place for him in our hearts” in regards to rafael is what tara in buffy the vampire slayer says to dawn when their mom dies (can you tell i love btvs)

working on the next chapter asap, lmk what you think of this chapter in the meantime!

also i made an ao3, so if you wanna read on there too, check it out!

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[bensonoliviasstuff]

“Turning Page”

Chapter two! “ Loml”

Masterlist for “Turning Page”

Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Once Bucky regained consciousness and was no longer the Winter Soldier, all he missed from the 40s was his wife. But maybe she's closer than he thought.

Warnings: English is NOT my first language, so I'm sorry if there are too many errors. Futhermore i don't think there are many warnings, a little bit of angst, memory loss, betrayal, trauma, Insecurities and other things that you will discover throughout the story. And the best part: Thanos doesn't exist here

“Steve?” You said with a mixture of shock and joy. “Long time no see!”

Bucky frowned as he saw Steve smile at the beautiful nurse before them.

“I thought you were still in Washington” Steve flinched when you gave him a hug, squeezing the bruise that threatened to form on his rib.

“Did you get into another fight?” You said observing the dried blood on his cheekbone “Some things never change”

As you turned to grab the material you would use to clean Steve's face, Bucky discreetly elbowed his best friend before whispering. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your pretty friend?”

Steve rolled his eyes before you turned your attention back to him. “Y/N, this is Bucky, Bucky Barnes, I already told you about him” Steve pointed to his smiling friend next to him “Bucky, this is Y/N Y/L/N, my friend and ex neighbor since we were 16 .”

You looked up at Bucky and it seemed to him that things went in slow motion when you smiled, he almost didn't hear you when you said “Nice to meet you”.

He gave a slight shake of his head to regain consciousness and turned to Steve. “If you've been friends for so long, why have I never met this beautiful girl?” You gave a sheepish smile as you bandaged Steve.

“First: you would flirt with her exactly like you are doing now” You laughed softly and Bucky was sure that was how angels laughed. “Second: She went to nursing school in Washington a while ago, I didn’t know she had come back until now.”

“I'm sorry I didn't warn you, I came back a little while ago and things have been busy, but we'll see each other more often from now on.” You said, taking off your gloves.

“That’s a splendid idea” Bucky said, if you had gone to college maybe Bucky should start improving his vocabulary.

You smiled at him before turning to Steve “I finished, you can go, I have to do a blood draw, but let's plan to have a milkshake, I missed you” then you turned to Bucky. “I hope to see you again, Bucky Barnes.”

“You can count on it” He winked at you before you left the room shaking your head.

“Look, we've been friends for a long time, don't even think about it” Steve pointed his finger at Bucky who was smiling with hearts in his eyes. “I'm serious, if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore because I introduced you two, I'll break you”

Steve stood up and left, Bucky behind him muttering “It’s easier for her to break me” with a smile.

After that day, it was quite funny for you to see Bucky every day in the hospital with some mysterious illness that only you could treat.

Sometimes he would arrive saying he had a really bad migraine, sometimes he would arrive with a terrible stomach ache, all this when he didn't arrive saying he had a fever only for you to put your hand on his forehead and say his temperature was normal.

Your friends from work at the hospital were already more excited than you were, always talking about how that handsome man was wooing you.

You always laughed at these crazy ideas, for you he was just a flirt who flirted with all the girls, but you had to admit that you were starting to get attached to his visits to the hospital.

One day in particular changed your view of him.

Your duty was almost over, you had already changed your clothes and grabbed your bag to leave, Bucky hadn't come to see you today.

You were sad, you spent half of the duty wondering what could have happened, you had come to the conclusion that he had found another girl and lost interest in you.

You said goodbye to your friends and were leaning against the reception desk, looking for a hair tie in your bag.

You had found it and were finally tying up your hair when you heard a familiar voice call out to you.

You turned around and found Bucky a few feet away, holding a bouquet of colorful flowers.

Your friends who were behind the desk began to sigh and squeal excitedly, you placed a hand over your mouth, hiding the wide smile that was about to spread across your cheeks.

“Oh Bucky, what happened now?” You teased, crossing your arms against your chest. “Pollen allergy?”

He laughed, hiding his face behind the flowers. “Actually, miss, it's a very serious allergy to 'being away from you'” You blushed when he approached and your friends sang a chorus of “Ownnn how cute!”.

“This one should be easier to deal with” you said as he approached.

“There is only one treatment option” He said with conviction, making you laugh.

"And what would be?"

“You agree to go out with me” he said and extended the flowers towards her.

You took them and smiled “I would love to.”

“Exams state that she has some internal injuries that have not been treated correctly, her brain has been badly affected so she is going to be treated for the headaches that will definitely bother her for the rest of her life” Tony was listing while Steve and Bucky followed him towards the medical wing with quick steps.

“She's also going to need physical therapy because apparently her shoulder ligament was torn at least three times, and lastly most importantly…” Tony stopped in front of a door turning to Steve and Bucky with a hard look “She She hasn’t spoken a word since she opened her eye, we don’t know if she just didn’t want to talk or if there was something behind it.”

Bucky was shaking, he couldn't even imagine what your reaction would be like.

Tony opened the door and walked in, Steve was right behind him when Bucky pulled him out of the room.

“I don’t know if I should go” Bucky said unsure, Steve frowned.

“Bucky, she’s still your wife, why don’t you want to see her after so many years apart?” Steve grabbed his friend by the shoulders.

“That’s the point Steve, I want to see her more than anything, but what if she doesn’t want to see me?” Bucky asked nervously. “What if she doesn’t even remember me? What should i say? ‘Hi, I’m your husband, we’ve been married for almost eighty years, bizarre right’?” Bucky acted out to Steve. “I'm no longer the Bucky she fell in love with, I'm no longer the person who made her laugh until her stomach hurts, I haven't made anyone laugh in over seventy years” He said scratching the back of his head nervously.

“What if she doesn’t like the new Bucky? What if she doesn’t like sleeping hugged by a metal arm?” He raised his left hand, showing the wedding ring above the metal finger. “What if she doesn’t love grumpy Bucky?”

“What if she does?” Steve interrupted before he could continue. “What if she likes the metal arm? What if she starts to love annoying a Bucky who gets stressed about everything?”

Steve raised his arms, dropping them to his sides. “As far as I remember, the last time I saw her she even loved Bucky who was supposedly not alive.”

“She probably doesn’t remember that” Bucky ran a hand over his face.

“So make her remember, if today you remember so can she, you heard what the scientist said, she always ended up remembering you” Steve put his hand on the door “You haven't changed enough to have stopped loving her"

Steve entered the room, and Bucky unconsciously held his breath as he did the same.

You didn't see him right away, you were paying attention to what Tony was doing with the equipment next to you.

Bucky kept close to the door, thinking he could slip away without being noticed if he was lucky, but that was when you turned your head towards him.

It was exactly the same as when he saw you for the first time, your eyes met his and everything seemed to be in slow motion, if he ignored everything and just kept looking at you, he could easily believe that it was still the summer of 1941.

You didn't know why, but you couldn't look away, something about that man made you want to keep looking at him, his blue eyes were familiar to the butterflies in your stomach.

“Y/n... Do you know them two?” Tony pointed at Steve and Bucky.

You looked away from the man with blue eyes that made your stomach do somersaults and glanced at the blonde who was looking at you expectantly.

Something about him made you have a déjà vu about a smaller man.

You looked away from him and looked at Tony before he speaks: “That’s Bucky, and that’s Steve” You looked back at the men, you assumed the brunette was Bucky.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I know them” You apologized, seeing Bucky’s gaze drop as if you had just broken the news that someone had died. “I… I’m sorry, should I?”

“No, it’s okay” Steve said, with a sad smile.

Tony picked up a bag and placed it on the furniture next to him. “Here are some clean, comfortable clothes, I believe they are in your size, let’s wait outside while you change.”

Tony dragged the other two out of the room and started messing with something on his cell phone.

“Tony?” Bucky called cautiously, “Thank you for what you’re doing.”

“Don’t thank me” Tony looked up “We both know I still don’t like you”

Steve gave a weak smile at Tony's statement, Bucky nodded, raising his hands in surrender.

“But I know what I would feel if Pepper forgot about me” Tony looked away. “That’s why I’m helping.”

"I thank you for that"

The three looked to the door when they heard it open.

Bucky held his breath when you walked out of there wearing sweatpants and a “S.H.I.E.L.D” sweatshirt.

“Great, the clothes fit, now let’s go” Tony said, putting away his cell phone “That brunette over there is going to show you to your room”

“There are two bedrooms here” The real estate agent continued walking around the apartment. “This is where our Tour ends, I think it's the perfect apartment for you, it has a beautiful view of the city, it's close to the hospital where you work, and there's plenty of space for two people, or even three if you're thinking of start a family soon.”

You turned to Bucky with a smile on your face, the apartment was a bit trashed, but you could perfectly imagine everything you and Bucky would change in it to make it 'home'.

“What do you think, doll?” Bucky asked with a smile.

“I don’t think it could be more perfect”

This is the kitchen” Bucky said, showing the room that Tony made sure was empty.

After almost killing Tony and Steve for leaving him alone with you, he followed the path beside you, He tried a few times to make comments, but you just looked at him, smiled and responded with a nod.

He then stayed quiet, taking every opportunity he had to just keep his eyes on you, he would never pass up the chance to watch you bite your nails or bite your bottom lip, everything you did was like the best movie in the catalog for Bucky.

He watched with an adoring look as you walked around the kitchen, taking in every detail, you did the same in every other room, taking in everything and not saying a word.

“There are coffee grounds in the disposal” It was the first time you said anything since they left the hospital room.

Bucky gave the most genuine laugh he'd ever had since he could remember being Bucky Barnes, he felt so much joy over such a stupid comment because it sounded exactly like something you would say.

You couldn't help but smile at his laugh, something about that man made you feel like you couldn't avoid many things.

"Yes! Tony always complains about it, no one ever listens.”

You licked your lips, hiding your smile.

“The next thing I’m going to show you is your room” Bucky said, now smiling.

“Do I have a room?” you frowned when Bucky nodded like it was obvious. “Why are you being so nice?”

Bucky felt his heart beat faster, Is this when he says he loves you?

I mean...” you continued before he made a decision. That man in armor took me out of that horrible place, gave me medicine, did tests, and now you’re going to keep me sleeping here?” You shrugged your shoulders “You guys don’t even know me”

“This is what we do” he lied, it was all a lie, He never did for anyone what he would do for you “We help people who need help” lie, his brain screamed that he was lying, he knew you, he knows you, only he knows how you hate the dark and are afraid of needles even though you are a nurse, His heart screamed, asking him to tell you that only he knew you better than you knew yourself. “I would do this for anyone”

“Even by those you don't even know? What if I were dangerous?” You weren't, you asked him to kill every cockroach that ever appeared in your apartment, He knew you, it was killing him to be in front of you saying he didn't know who you were.

“I trust you” His vocal chords were trembling

“Why?”

“I feel like I should” Holy Ghost, you were the love of his life, even if he didn't want to he would trust you.

You stayed silent, looking at the man who looked like he was in physical pain with every word that left his mouth.

“I feel like I should trust you too” felt like the right thing to say.

Bucky felt all the fireworks in the world going off inside his stomach.

“I will prove to you that you can trust me” That was a promise, both for you and for him, at that moment he promised that he would win you over, just like he did the first time, You were the loss of his life for a long time, but now he would have you back

[smok3r7]

Latching On To You

Joel Miller x F!reader

Explicit, 18+

Chapter one: History Lesson

Series Masterlist & My Main Masterlist - My Ao3

Series summary: What happens when, after thirteen loving years of being with Joel, you start to feel like he’s slipping away from your grasp? How much of yourself will you lose because of the trauma your father put you through, at such a young age? You could be wrong about Joel, but something is telling you otherwise - or are you just not healed enough to see past your own insecurities?

Chapter summary: The beginning of you and Joel is a story that most can’t relate to, truly one of a kind. The history between your father and you, explains how the trauma shaped your mind and future. You and Joel have a bond like siblings for the longest time, but as you grow older and independent, a stronger connection is formed - which leads to your blissful beginning of your life together.

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: age difference in the beginning (15/20) NOTHING SEXUAL UNTIL READER IS OVER 22 & JOEL IS 27!! No use of y/n, no outbreak AU, no Sarah AU, smoking weed and drinking, abandonment issues, trauma from father w/ alcoholism, attachment issues, HEAVY ANGST, daddy kink (minimal), unprotected P in V, fingering, mutual pinning

~So here we go ladies and gents! My first story back, I cannot wait for you all to read this, I’m not sure how long of a series this will be but this is a start! Thank you so much to @chloeangelic for helping to revise this and giving me tips, I really appreciate your help babes🫶🏼

“Aren't you somethin' to admire?

'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror

And I can't help but notice

You reflect in this heart of mine

If you ever feel alone and

The glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I'm always

Parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the glass

I'll be there to pull you through

You just gotta be strong” ~ Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

——————————

You and Joel pretty much grew up together in your teen years. His mom actually worked with yours at the hospital as nurses in Austin and that’s how they became close, like sisters. Hence how the Millers became a pretty huge part of your family, resulting in Joel and you meeting. You guys happened to also live across the street from each other - complete coincidence. You had just turned fifteen, and Joel had turned twenty, only a month after your birthday when you guys started hanging out. Joel wasn’t going to college because he was working full time, saving up the money he made so he could buy his dream house he talked about and maybe even venture out a little bit. But since he was living at home, Joel would watch over you a lot while your mom was either working, out with friends, or with his parents.

Your home, that had always been a two parent household, had now gone down to a one parent household in a matter of seconds, or so it felt like. Your dad was always heavily involved in your life with everything you ever did and he loved you unconditionally, but it was as if something switched in his brain, and he suddenly started to drink all the time, then distancing himself from everything the last four years. After the second year of him acting like a mess, you brushed it off that it’s because you were becoming a teen and that’s just what happens, that you weren’t “Daddy’s Little Girl” anymore.

But as months passed, you started to notice how bad it really was. He was drinking so much that he would pick nasty fights with you and your mom. He needed it to live at that point, where he would wake up at night from withdrawals. But the part that will forever leave you scarred, the part that causes your heart to break the most, is how he left.

It was the morning of your fifteenth birthday that your mom told you that he left, the bastard packed up his bags and left in the middle of the night. No goodbyes, no big hugs, and no apologies while he bawled “I love you baby.” Absolutely nothing.

Since then, now in your mid twenties, there’s been radio silence from him. You haven’t heard anything, which you honestly prefer after how he left things. But after all this time you still don’t understand where your relationship went wrong or what you did wrong for your father to drastically change like that.

But like a blessing in disguise, here came Joel and his family to help you and your mom. Joel’s parents have been good friends with your own since you were little, so they were caught just as off guard as your mom was when your dad just packed up and was gone. Since your father left, Joel’s parents have been a godsend for your mom. She was the one who went into a spiral because her and your dad had been together since they started high school. Least to say, she never saw this coming, not then and not in a million years. It truly broke her, and you were scared that you would lose her too.

—

Throughout high school, you and Joel hung out but still slowly drifted apart as he was working all the time and you were focused on school. You were okay with that - you needed a bit of a distraction from Joel, mainly due to having the world’s biggest crush on him and the fact that you were getting a little bit attached to him. Ever since your father left, you tried your best to avoid serious relationships of any kind in fear of them suddenly leaving you. But it was different with Joel, you always thought he was the most genuine person there was and you knew he wouldn’t leave you.

He would play the silly games you wanted to play, listen to whatever drama was happening with your friends, and he would help if you were having any trouble with the feelings that you had regarding your father; if you could even call him that. However, you’ve never told Joel about your feelings for him because, well, at that point you weren’t eighteen, so that would be wrong on his end. But you also didn’t want to ruin the relationship you guys had. You two were literally best friends and you were scared that, if you went any further, that he would slink away from you, just like how your father did, and you didn’t think you could take another emotional loss like that.

—

As soon as you graduated high school and had celebrated your nineteenth birthday and Joel’s twenty-fourth, you and Joel would hang out all the time. You pretty much lived between your moms and Joel's two bedroom house he ended up buying a year prior. You got a part time job at the local bar in town and only worked early afternoons. So, you had the evenings to do what you wanted, which usually included something to do with Joel - worked out great since he got out of work just an hour before you. You two would go hiking, fishing, you’d kick his ass in card games or a lot of the time, you would smoke some weed and have some drinks together and talk about whatever was on your mind.

After your twenty-first birthday, you had gotten a job as a receptionist at the largest law firm in Austin. You were doing really well for yourself, considering your work history - which altogether was not that impressive. So you were really proud of yourself for not giving up and continuing to strive to better yourself. After getting this job you finally felt like you had a purpose, you didn’t feel like you were floating around lost and barely getting by. Your mom was so happy for you, so happy in fact that she threw a party to celebrate you and your success.

You’ve never liked parties that had you as the center of attention, but you knew that your mom needed this more than you did. Ever since that night, your mom did the best she could to hide her feelings around you, but you knew she was breaking internally. So you’ve let her make a big deal out of anything - even if it’s small, for example; About five months ago you had made a beautiful painting of a cabin that you and your mom love to run away too sometimes. She had loved it so much that she showed it to everyone and somehow she ended up getting it put into a little gallery downtown. So needless to say, you adore your mom and will let her be happy by letting her throw you celebrations for even the smallest victories.

After getting settled into the job, there were a couple months where you and Joel didn’t see each other. Nothing was wrong, it just kind of happened, your mom needed you at the house and the new job was taking all your time and attention - Joel understood completely and was so happy for you. However, deep in you, there was a part of you saying that he was distancing himself and he was going to leave you. You almost felt like he sensed that because you two would just chitchat on the phone for a couple hours when you both had time instead, and this helped ease your mind and confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Around a year and a half goes by, as does another round of birthdays, and one promotion that you couldn’t believe you got. You are proud to say that you have finally found a healthy mix of home life and work life. You pretty much have been living at Joel’s for the last three months, which naturally started happening because the commute to work was shorter by twenty minutes from Joel’s house. You still pop over to your moms to grab a few things, hang with her for a day or two, make sure she’s good, and then you’re back off to Joel’s. You’ve honestly been really happy with how your life has been going, you couldn’t be happier.

—

It’s a calm summer evening, warm enough for the bugs to be out but the breeze helps to keep them away. You and Joel are sitting out on his gorgeous back patio that has string lights from tree to tree like a roof, a good size fire pit in the middle of the circle of comfortable lawn chairs - this is your favorite place to be.

You two are talking about how each other's Friday went, which led to Joel bringing up that since you’re here all the time, you should just move in with him. You used to joke around about living together anyway, so when he brings it up as he puts more logs on the fire you started, you just brush it off thinking he’s joking around like he always does.

You laugh as you say, “I remember we used to say that all the time,” looking up at Joel after lighting the blunt you rolled, quickly realizing he’s not joking this time. You oppose at first, not wanting to step on his safe space more than you feel like you already have. But Joel stops your rambling by saying your name as he sits back down next to you and grabs your hand on your thigh.

You instinctively stop rambling and start listening to him talk, “I’m being serious. You’re not a burden. I love that you come over, I honestly don’t know what I would do with myself if you weren’t here. If I didn’t want you here, I simply wouldn’t have asked you.” You’re left speechless, a tear starting to roll down your cheek as you take a hit off the blunt. You hand it to him and, before you can say anything back, you start coughing like you’ve never smoked before. Joel just starts laughing at you, his laugh so genuine he leans back into his chair, putting one hand on his belly and the other arm folding over his head.

“Shut up, Joel! You act like this never happens to you!” You spit between coughs and sips of water. Joel calms down with his laughter as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a hit.

“No darlin’, you always know how to ruin tender moments.” He goes to put it out so you can recover but, before he can, you grab it from him.

“Um, Miller, I’m not done with that. Also, just for the record, I don’t always ruin the moment. I just make them an even better memory for us,” you wink as you blow smoke out into the starry night sky, watching the soft wind make the smoke disappear. He looks at you and just shakes his head as he smiles to himself and says, “That you sure do, sweetheart…that you do.”

You two sit back into a comfortable silence as you watch the flames dance around and listen to the bugs chirp making their own melody. After a couple rounds of passing the blunt back and forth, Joel puts it out in the ashtray next to the two of you. “The offer is on the table, always will be,” Joel says, looking into the fire as he sits back and puts his arms over his head and leans back in his chair. You smile to yourself, knowing he was not going to give it up and, honestly, you wouldn’t either if it was the other way around.

You lean back and turn your head to your right and look straight into his beautiful brown eyes, your high starting to catch up to you and you can feel yourself beginning to look at Joel in a hazy way. Your eyes start to wander along his beautiful features, you notice his hair is getting a little bit longer and the curls are developing a lazy pattern. You start to fantasize about how it would feel to run your fingers through them and pull on his locks to make him look at you while he kisses you.

His lips are the next thing your eyes travel to, and you wonder how they would feel on your body. Starting from your tits, all the way to your pussy, the thought makes you squirm in your chair a little. You’re hoping you can play it off, that you’re just got a chill, but you know Joel is smarter than that. You go back to looking at his eyes, almost forgetting that he said something to you, and you see he’s already staring back. There’s a sudden shift in his eyes as you say, “I might just take you up on it then.”

The next thing you feel is his warm hands on your cheeks and his soft warm lips on yours. You instantly start to kiss back with desire and affection, instantly melting into his touch, but as soon as you bring your hands to his, he stops.

“Darlin’, I’m- oh, shit,” he mumbles, starting to back away from you, feeling like he has overstepped, but before he’s completely out of your grasp, you pull him back in by the collar of his denim jacket and kiss him again. This time, he doesn’t back away from you. Instead, he stands up from his chair and picks you up from yours, latching your legs around his waist as he brings you inside. As he opens the slider door to go in, you open your eyes and the flames from the fire catch your eye.

“Joel!” You exclaim, and he stops walking, looking at you with a confused look on his face,“The fire.” You try your hardest not to laugh and he turns his head to see the flames are still pretty big. He sighs as he shakes his head, “Another perfect example on how you ruin the moment darlin’.” You slap his chest playfully and you both start to laugh. He kisses you as he taps your thigh, signaling for you to hop down.

“Sorry for not wanting your place to burn down,” you scoff, putting your hands up in surrender.

“Yeah, yeah, pretty girl. Go upstairs and wait for me, I’ll be right there,” he winks at you, slapping your ass as you turn on your heels, and you yelp as you run towards his stairs.

—

Your mind is racing as you reach his bedroom door. You slowly turn the knob and walk into his light gray colored walls, instantly feeling safe. You’ve been here countless times, under different circumstances, yet you don’t feel out of place - You feel like you’re supposed to be here. Like everything that you’ve been through has led to this moment.

As you move across the carpet, you stand in front of his dresser and you see two framed pictures of you and him - first one being a selfie in front of his house the night he bought it, the second one being an off guard photo of you and Joel talking the night of your party for your job. You never noticed that he had these framed, and as you bring your hand to it, a smile creeps on your face as you slightly shake your head in disbelief.

All of a sudden, you feel a pair of big soft arms hug across your waist, and his chin resting in the crook of your neck. “My favorite pictures of us…especially you. Your smile was the biggest I’d seen it in a long time in both of these,” Joel says, starting to kiss your neck softly in between his words. You fold into his touch instantly and you moan as he starts to suck a soft spot on your neck. His hands start to travel down to unbutton your jeans.

“I was so proud of you… I was so happy that you got the dream house you wanted. You deserve it,” you say between heavy breathing.

“Don’t downplay yourself, sweetheart. You worked your ass off to be where you are now and I just admire that,” You try to say something, but your mind and mouth won’t cooperate. “My dream wasn’t complete then but now that you’re here to stay. My dream is finally starting to come true,” he tells you, and you both look into his dresser mirror, making eye contact. You turn around swiftly in his grasp as you put your hands on his chest and push him towards his bed. The back of his knees hit the mattress and, as he sits down, his legs open and you stand between his thick thighs. He looks up into your eyes and smirks.

You smile back as you dip your head to slowly take your jeans off, when you bring your head back up to look at him, you grab his chin and pull him into a hot and heavy kiss - one of those kisses where yours and his tongue are exploring each other like it’s an addiction, while he grabs your ass and massages it.

That’s when he pulls you into his lap so you can straddle him. You start to rock your clothed clit back and forth on his growing hard on, while Joel’s calloused hands somehow feel soft as he grabs your ass and guides your movements. You can start to feel the wetness leak through your panties onto the bulge of his jeans, but that’s the least of your worries right now. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this pretty girl,” Joel says between kisses as one hand goes into your panties. He gathers your wetness and brings it back to your clit, rubbing circles causing you to shake.

“Me either,” is all you can say without becoming a moaning mess. You’re still rocking back and forth but with a new pace, one that Joel is setting. Initially, you wanted to be the one in control but you quickly changed your mind about that, it seems. You want Joel to be in complete control of you right now, you don’t even want to think about anything other than Joel. Always Joel. Only Joel.

Your train of thought is stopped quickly by Joel inserting two fingers into your dripping pussy. Your movements pause as you adjust to his fingers, your jaw dropping as a long moan comes out. “That’s my good girl,” Joel’s starts as he begins to pump his fingers in and out of you. You continue to grind on his fingers as he murmurs, “Gotta warm you up first, darlin’… I don’t wanna hurt you.” All you can do is nod and whine to him that you can take him, but he chuckles to himself. “Oh my pretty girl thinks she can take it, huh? Well, let’s see.”

Before he finishes his sentence, he’s pulling his fingers out of your pussy and flipping you over so you’re now on your back, with him towering over you. You giggle from how smoothly he did it, he then brings his fingers to your mouth so you can taste yourself. Without any hesitation, you open your mouth and let his fingers in as you suck on them. He moans when you make a mess with a mix of your own saliva and juices. Joel pulls his fingers away from your mouth with a pop and bends down to kiss you again, but this kiss is different. This somehow feels like a “I love you and I care for you” kind of kiss, one you reciprocate, wanting him to know you feel the same.

He slightly breaks the kiss so he can pull his jeans and boxers down, his cock springing onto his belly, dripping with precum. Your mouth drops when you notice all the veins he has, just hypnotized by the way it was throbbing for you. “You still sure you can take it baby?” Joel taunts as he sees you staring. Without even thinking, you grab his cock and start to slowly stroke him, and his head falls behind his shoulders, his body jerking as he moans.

“Yes, daddy, I can,” you taunt back with a smirk on your face. Once you say that, it’s like something primal snaps inside of Joel. He stops you from touching him, his hands rips off your panties, and throws them somewhere into the darkest corner of his room. Next thing you know, he’s lining his cock up to your throbbing, glistening pussy but he doesn’t put it in. Your arms are clawing at his back for him to make the move.

“You’re so impatient, baby. You gotta relax,” Joel drawls. Before you can come back with some smart ass remark, you feel him sliding his cock up and down your slit, creating a lewd mix of your juices and his precum. Your hips start to move with the rhythm of Joel’s, and it has the tip of his throbbing cock hitting your clit perfectly. You can already feel that tightening in your belly starting to form, turning you into a moaning mess.

His forearms are on either side of your head as he starts to suck and lick your neck again, having found the sweet spot that makes you cave for him every time. “Joel, don't stop. Fuck, baby,” you moan out, as you lift your hips just trying to get him to quit his teasing, he slowly starts to slide his cock into your needy pussy. He gets about halfway in, but has to stop, “Fuck, you’re gonna kill me baby girl,”.

“C’mon baby, move,” you whine as you claw at his back again, wrapping your legs around him and digging your heels into his hips. Your pussy is throbbing for more, so pent up that you’re getting impatient. “Fuck me, daddy,” you moan as you throw your head back into his soft pillows. Suddenly, you feel the other half of his throbbing cock split into you, and your legs let go of his hips as you yelp. He starts to pound your pussy, like you pleaded him to, the mixes of each other juices creating a loud slapping sound that echoes in the bedroom - you are losing your mind from that alone.

“This what you want needy baby? Just need daddy to give it to you rough.” Joel grunts as he grabs your right ankle and brings it to his shoulder, he holds your ankle in place with a hand as he starts to bite and kiss it while his other hand goes to your throat. You give him a smirk, telling him yes. He starts to squeeze the sides of your throat and you feel yourself start to get in a daze, before he lets go, then does it again.

You jolt a little bit when you feel his fingers from his other hand moving down to your clit. The mix of his fingers working on your clit, his cock hitting every spot you need it to, his words praising and degrading you, and him squeezing your throat has you seeing stars.

“Joel, fuck. I’m close, don’t stop, please,” is all you can say as you feel the tightness in your belly about to snap.

“Let it go sweet girl. Look at you, showing me you can take my cock and all,” he coos, and that’s all that it takes to send you over the edge.Your back arches as you moan Joel’s name over and over like a mantra, not ever wanting to forget him. Your body goes limp and your head is dizzy, when you feel him pull out and you both moan at the loss of each other's warmth, before he cums on your belly - moaning your name over and over like you did his.

—

Fucked out of your minds, Joel rolls off of you and both of you lay on your backs next to each other, just listening to one another’s breathing. You feel him get up from the bed as he walks to his bathroom, coming right back with a warm hand towel to clean you up. He gently rubs the towel and cleans you, then he throws the hand towel in the direction you know his hamper to be.

Joel grunts as he lays back down on his side to look at you, while you mimic his movements. This is the first time you’ve seen Joel with this post-fuck face he has, looking like he went to heaven and back. You hope you get to see more of him like this, just crumbling for you - He moves a piece of your hair behind your left ear and looks into your eyes.

“How’s that for ruining the moment?” you say without even thinking. You and Joel just start giggling again. ”Well, you’re two for zero right now..but you were right. You do make the memories better,” Joel is barely able to get out. After a little bit, a comforting hum from his rotating fan and both of your breathing, is all that can be heard as you stare at each other sincerely, you slowly move your body closer to Joel’s, wanting to feel him again. Joel wraps his arms around you like a delicate cocoon as you begin to slowly glide your fingers up and down his strong, yet gentle, arms. You slot your right leg between both his warm thighs, then you wrap your left leg around his hip.

The two of you are wrapped together like some kind of beautiful present you get on Christmas morning. As both of your breathing patterns and heart beats sync up, Joel kisses the top of your head and sleepily whispers, “I’m so glad you decided to stay, my love.”

You smile into his chest and hum, “Mhmm. Me too, Joel…me too.” You drift off into sleep feeling safe and loved while in Joel’s arms, Joel’s home, and Joel’s heart. Just you and Joel.

[kusaka6e]

SEVEN YEARS

pro!bkg x fem!reader

sfw

angst if u squint

okay but this concept as a whole fic ?? lmk

———

the accident was a blur. one minute, you were in the library studying for an exam. the next, your ears rang as the remains of the building fell around you. one minute, you had 100% of your hearing, the next? you were left with about 20% in both ears.

it wasn’t personal. you just so happened to be in the wrong place at what seemed to be the wrong time.

the rookie pro-hero definitely took it personal, though.

nineteen year-old bakugou katsuki was already tearing up the charts, “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed,” like the old saying goes. rescue was never his strong suit, so he was proud to be on the frontlines of detaining the villains that attacked your college campus. and just his luck, an absolute goddess was his damsel in distress at the scene.

obviously, bakugou had sense enough to not try to make a move on you the same day he rescued you. you were disoriented and shocked, and he was sure a first date was the last thing on your mind. he spent an hour debating with the local florist about the best arrangement to bring you to your hospital room, sitting in his car for another twenty minutes trying to come up with the perfect words to put on the small card attached to the bouquet.

and when he finally mustered up the courage, one of the nurses gave him a sad smile.

“oh honey, you could go see her but, she won’t hear you.”

“she what?”

the guilt that came with that information stayed with him for years. he never made it into your room to see you, realizing his recklessness with his quirk may have been the reason for your injuries. he plucked the card off the flowers, asking the nurse to leave the bouquet in your room.

you lost your hearing. because of him.

and in the seven years that passed, when his own hearing began to deteriorate, he knew that was his karma. he sat quietly in the audiology office as he was fitted for a pair of hearing aids, thinking back to that rescue. at least those stupid sign language classes izuku had forced him to go to with him would come in handy.

while you’d initially didn’t have any ability to hear at all, that wouldn’t be forever. after a few corrective surgeries, a pair of hearing aids, and a lot of sign language classes, you were able to communicate without issue again.

you’d taken some time to live back home with your parents after the accident, knowing you wouldn’t be able to recuperate all on your own. and even they were hesitant for you to take a new job offer in the very city the accident happened in.

but you found an apartment in a very safe side of town, and even had some staff members that knew sign, which made your leasing process so much easier.

you were admittedly wandering the grocery store closest to your new place a few days after moving in, trying your best to avoid groups of people and stay out of the way. between your hearing aids and your close friends and family learning a bit of sign, you were able to get by in one on one conversations. but, crowds or areas with lots of background noise were a little tougher to get by. having to explain to new people your struggle with hearing them was extremely anxiety inducing, so you tried your best to avoid it if you could.

and just your luck, you ran into an absolute wall of a man while looking at the label of a box of cereal.

bakugou grumbled as he adjusted his hearing aids for the millionth time that day, not used to the new equipment in his ears. nobody warned him that his ears would whistle like a couple of damn birds while he was adjusting to the new gadgets.

and to put icing on the cake, now strangers were walking into him in the grocery store.

you nearly flinched as he glared over his shoulder at you, the scowl on his face downright menacing.

he mumbled something without turning around, making it impossible to hear him

“what?”

he whipped around in annoyance, freezing as his eyes settled on the hearing aids in both your ears. he blinked a few times, making your eyes go wide as he began to sign.

no worries, i was in your way.

your eyes flick up to his ears, grinning as you see a set of hearing aids similar to your own.

you begin to sign to introduce yourself, watching his face pale as you finish your name. he thought you looked familiar, but couldn’t quite place why.

he cracks his knuckles nervously before lifting his hands again.

do you remember me?

your face twists in confusion, watching closely as he spells his name.

i’m dynamight. i was there, seven years ago.

all emotion drops from your face for a moment, making katsuki prepare for you to throw every item in your grocery cart at him.

and when you finally begin to sign again, he swears the world stops.

thank you for saving me.

[petertingle-yipyip]

RECKLESS DRIVING - MATT MURDOCK

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Word Count: 3,820

Summary: (requested) Hello, I have a Matt X wife reader request. You had a serious accident and all your memories after the collage are lost. In the hospital you are frightened by Matt , who is shocked and desperate at the same time. Matt tries to tell you that he is your husband and that you love him, but you can't remember. Matt tries everything to get your memory back and fall in love with him again. In the beginning, you distance yourself and live with your brother Frank Castle, who helps Matt get you back together.

The lights were bright when you first opened your eyes. You couldn’t remember anything. Clearly you were in a hospital, but which one? Your entire body ached and you could hear the beeping of the machines, felt the sticky residue from the sensors attached to your chest, but what happened? You heard voices through the small crack in the door, but who were they?

You looked around the room confused and saw the name on the chart near the door. You wobbled to your feet, head spinning once you sat up, and inched your way across the room.

Y/N MURDOCK. 

Wait, Murdock?

That didn’t feel right. Wasn’t that the asshole from college that was always taking your favorite study corner?

You pulled the folder and plopped it open on the nearby counter so you could lean on your elbows. You skimmed the page, noting the various injuries.

Mild whiplash. Rib contusions, hairline fractures on left 3-5 ribs. Dislocated shoulder that was reinserted. Bruising all along the left side and uncertain risk of brain injury. Concussion likely.

None of that explained why your name was wrong.

The door suddenly opened at your side and you were quick to shut the folder. You turned and leaned backwards on the counter, earning a small sigh and smile from your doctor. He offered you his arm and walked you back to the bed, ensuring you were set before he spoke.

“I’m Dr. James Wilson.” He said kindly.

“Y/N.” You answered and he laughed. “How bad?”

“Well, you’ve already looked over the chart so you have a general idea.” He picked up the folder and gave it a small shake. “Do you remember what happened?”

“No… I remember I had just got picked up by the taxi and then.. Then nothing.”

He sighed slightly and took a tentative step closer.

“This is what we were worried about.” He said regretfully.

“Trauma-induced retrograde amnesia.” You finished and his brows raised. “I was in a pre-med allied health program.”

“Well, good thing is we’ve already gotten in touch with both of your emergency contacts. They’ll be here shortly.”

“I’m sorry. Both?” Your head cocked and it made your neck ache.

“Yes, uh..” He flipped open the file. “Your brother and your husband.”

“Have I been here before? Is that how there’s contacts already?”

“Few years ago, you were admitted with a pretty severe upper respiratory infection while in the area.”

“Right, right…” You glanced around the room. “So this has to be Princeton-Plainsboro?”

Dr. Wilson nodded and pulled the chair near your IV line closer. “What else do you remember about this place, Y/N?”

“You’re in oncology.. Head of the department, I think. Yeah, I remember doing some undergrad research with you.”

“What was your topic?”

“The influence of a moderate exercise program on quality of life for leukemia patients post allogeneic bone marrow transplant…  Dr. House said my system was “moronic and no self-respecting med student would present their research that way”. “

“This is really great, Y/N.” He smiled and stood to leave. “I’m going to bring this to House and his team. Dr. Foreman will likely come in soon, look for neurological problems and we’ll talk about your discharge from there.”

“Wait.” You went to get off the bed but lost your balance. You ended up falling back onto the mattress. “When they get here, I just want to see my brother.”

“I’ll let the nurses know.”

The next time you woke up, Drs Cameron and Foreman were bringing your brother in to see you. He gave you a bit of grief for making him speed down the highway to New Jersey, of all places. You apologized profusely, admitting you didn’t even remember why you were going to Jersey to begin with. Ultimately, he was just relieved you were alive.

“Y/N, based off what Dr. Wilson has told us, it seems only emotional memories have been impacted.” Dr. Foreman explained carefully,

“How does that happen?” Your brows furrowed.

“Well the brain is a tricky thing. It seems there’s a disconnect between the long term memory system and the emotional control center. It’s likely just due to the swelling, but we would like a few tests to make sure there’s nothing serious.”

“Okay.” You nodded. “Yeah, is there like a consent form I-“ You tried when you heard the loud voice and rhythmic tapping coming down the hall. You shifted on the bed and the sounds drew everyone else’s attention as well. “A consent form I need to sign? Or is verbal okay?” You tried to keep going past the sounds outside your door.

“Verbal is fine.”

“Then, yeah. I’m guessing CT and MRI?”

“For starters. And then if we need to keep going, we’ll talk about it.”

“Oh, thank god.” He said in clear relief as he burst through the door, white cane in hand and round glasses on his face. “How you feeling, Sweetheart?”

“Uh…” You trailed off carefully.

“Do you know this man?” Dr. Cameron asked carefully when she saw your hesitation.

“Um..”

“Y/N?” He asked, clearly upset by your lack of a reaction.

“Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to-“ Cameron tried, gently attempting to escort him out but he yanked his arms away.

“I’m her husband!” He insisted. “Frank, tell ‘em.”

“You don’t remember him?” Frank asked you instead. Your eyes were still trained on the man claiming to be your husband.

That would’ve made him Matthew Murdock. You vaguely remembered the name from college. Law student, in the top of his class, sort of funny. Cleary blind. He had a friend, a loud guy with long blond hair, also in the top of the law class. You remembered Matthew was always at your preferred spot in the library. He would flash you a smile and you always had to refrain from chewing him out.

“Y/N?” Frank tried, gently shaking your arm so your attention would turn to him. “You don’t remember Murdock?”

“I remember him from college, but not as my husband.” You confessed quietly, as if you were somehow worried about hurting the man’s feelings.

“Nothing? Not your wedding or your apartment? His jobs? I walked you down the aisle, Y/N/N.”

You shook your head quietly, tears welling in your eyes.

“This is why I didn’t wanna see him.” You said quietly. “Make him leave.”

Frank nodded before he stood and moved towards Matt. Dr. Cameron took your brother’s old spot soon enough, placing a gentle hand on yours and speaking soft consolations. But you were listening to the boys’ hushed conversations. You caught words every now and then and were able to assume what they were saying.

You gotta go, man.

That’s my wife. I’m not going anywhere.

You’re freakin’ her out. Give her time-

No.

The doctors gotta run some tests. Give her some space and -

I’m not leaving.

There was a light sound of scuffling as you assumed Frank dragged Matthew out because when you looked back, the boys were gone but the expression on Dr. Foreman’s face was shock and slight amusement.

When you were discharged a few days later, your team of doctors promised there was no obvious damage to any brain structures. They said the amnesia would last for an undetermined amount of time and to not force yourself to remember anything. You were given moderate pain medication and left in a sling with a list of care instructions for the rest of your injuries.

As you were leaving the hospital, Frank had the car waiting for you out front. However, there were a couple others waiting with it.

“Why is he here?” You mumbled as Frank helped you out the hospital mandated wheelchair.

“Wouldn’t leave.” Frank answered simply.

“The guy with him.. That’s his friend, Francis Nelson, right?”

“Franklin, I think. They call him Foggy.”

“Foggy.” You repeated, and it felt familiar to say.

“Hey, Y/N.” The blond - Foggy - said carefully. “You look, uh, good? All things considered.”

You offered a small smile. “Thanks, I think.. I’m sorry, I don’t really-“

“You don’t have to.” He nodded quickly. “You’re a good friend of mine. I just wanna help however I can.”

“Thank you.” You gave a genuine smile this time. “I remember a little bit, here and there. You were at Columbia and we crossed paths a few times but that’s about it.”

“That’s as good a place to start as any.” He grinned. “I was also this guy’s-“ He threw his arm over Matthew’s shoulders. “-best man, but we can worry about that later.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, please.” Matthew stepped forward, shrugging Foggy’s arm off. He reached for your hands but you took a step back, nearly cowering behind your brother. “Please, just hear me out. I- I love you, more than anything. Please. Let me explain. I can- I can show you our wedding video, pictures. We can talk to my mother or Father Lantom, he officiated the wedding.”

“I don’t know who those people are!” You exclaimed loudly. “Matthew, I don’t remember whatever relationship we had. Everything you feel, I don’t.. Not right now, at least.”

“But… Y/N, you love me.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t love you like that.”

“But I love you like that.”

“You’re just staring at me like you’re not convinced that this is real.” You said quickly, though once the sentence left your mouth you realized your wording may not be effective against a blind man.

“I don’t wanna lose this. I- I- I want you to know just how I feel.”

“This’ll kill us if I don’t let go… You have to let go a little bit too.”

“We…” He lost the words, mouth opening but no sound coming out.

You said nothing as Foggy pulled Matthew out of your way so you could get into the car. Frank put himself to the other side to create a barricade between you and Matthew and you thanked him quietly. The ride back was relatively quiet, you and Frank playing an occasional Fill-In-The-Blanks-Of-Your-Memory game.

As the days went on, you stayed with Frank. He went to your alleged shared apartment and collected enough of your things to last you a couple weeks. He told you that he didn’t bring everything because he knew you’d go moving back in with Matthew soon so there was no point. And though you didn’t believe him, he clearly knew the relationship better than you did.

Matthew, however, seemed to be relentless in his quest to win you back and restore your memories. It seemed pointless to you, to try and force someone to feel something they don’t. But the love Matthew had for you was so strong, you found it hard to deny that there was something.

Your alleged husband sent you flowers, ones he swore were your favorite. He showed up with meals from local businesses, swearing that you two had some sentimental date there or you loved eating from that place. He even brought over your wedding album and video, along with your wedding band that the hospital gave to him upon your discharge since you refused it. You accepted all of his gifts with a quiet sigh and a polite smile, though you said very little to him during the exchanges. It was hard to miss the way his shoulders dropped and his face would fall when you didn’t exchange the sentiment that he offered every time, when you didn’t say you loved him.

“You gonna watch it?” Frank asked as you sat beside with the DVD case in hand.

“Should I?” You asked quietly. “All I can really remember about him was that he was an asshole in college. He was a pretty boy with good grades so he thought he could get away with whatever he wanted. We never really got along until..”

“Till what?”

“Till… something. I don’t know.”

“It’s all good. You’ll get it.” He shrugged.

“Did I ever tell you why it changed?”

“No. But I think one of you talked about it in your vows.”

“So I should watch it?” You shook the case.

“I’m just sayin’… It could have something.”

“It could?” Your brows raised. “Or it does?

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “It’s your wedding. I was taking advantage of that open bar.”

You smacked his arm and he laughed, causing you to laugh too. You slid the DVD onto the coffee table and carried on with your day, but the idea of what could possibly be hidden on the disc kept plaguing your mind.

Later that night, when Frank had gone to bed, you popped the disc into your computer.

—————

“Is he out there?” You asked anxiously, hands wringing nervously as you waited near the doors.

“Yeah, I’m here. C’mon, Y/N/N.” Frank called from the other side.

With a small, excited squeal, you opened the door and stepped out. You took a deep breath before tapping your brother on the shoulder. You smiled widely when he faced you and his jaw dropped.

Both hands covered his mouth as he grinned, eyes brimming with tears as he took a few small steps. You opened your arms and he embraced you tightly, nearly bringing you to tears.

“You look beautiful.” He mumbled and your smile got a little wider, if that was even possible. “I’m happy for you, kid.”

—————

“Y/N, I’ve thought about this day since I first met you. You’ve always been so outgoing and honest. From that first instance, I just knew I needed to have you in my life. We haven’t been perfect but you’ve always been there. And for as long as you’ll have me, I want to be the one in your heart. You’ll always have a piece of me, sweetheart. No matter what happens from here, no matter what we go through, I will always put you first. You are my love, my light. And I would go to hell and back to give you everything you deserve. I love you, until death and even after. My soul, my heart, my very being, will belong to no one but you.”

—————

“Matt, you were always my one guarantee. In college, I knew that I’d find you at my study corner every Wednesday night. After college, I knew we’d stay in touch. I knew we’d find a way to be in each other’s lives, but if you had told me before that party that I’d marry you, I would’ve laughed. But now, here I am. In a beautiful dress, at a beautiful church, with a beautiful man. You’ve been a handful for as long as I’ve known you, but everyday you make it worth it. You always make me feel so loved and so special, and when I wake up with you, I swear to make sure you feel the same. You, my sweet boy, are everything I’ve ever wanted. With you, I hope to have a long, happy, beautiful future so full of love. In front of everyone here, your family and mine, I give you every piece of me for as long as you’ll have me. I love you, with all I have to give.”

—————

You paused the video after that. The vows were beautiful, drawing a tear to your eye. You spun the ring around your finger. You slid the cursor to find the frame where he put the ring on your finger and there it was. The exact same wedding band on your hand was the one in the video.

With the evidence in front of you, it was hard to deny your wedding. The only other thing to make it more convincing would’ve been a copy of your taxes with the marital status. It made sense logically, but the emotional aspect was still severely lacking. But maybe…

Maybe you didn’t have to be so cold towards Matthew. Maybe you did start to see why you had liked him enough to marry him.

You jumped up and practically ran into Frank’s bedroom, socks slipping on the hardwood floors. You thumped him on the forehead frantically until he woke up.

“Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank.” You repeated until he caught your wrist, eyes still closed.

“The hell are you doing?” He mumbled.

“What party?”

“What?”

“In the vows. Matthew didn’t mention anything but she- I did. What happened at the party?”

“Why don’t you ask someone who was actually there?” He let go of your wrist and rolled to face the other way.

You groaned to yourself and kicked the mattress before heading out. Checking the clock on your computer, you saw it was a little after midnight. With no real plan, you pulled your phone and scrolled through contacts.

You couldn’t find anything that would’ve been obvious as Matthew. No MATTHEW, MATT, MATTY, MURDOCK, or any sort of typical term of endearment. Only HELLSPAWN with a stupid photo of your brother.

But you did find a contact with only a red heart and a devil emoji. With a hunch, you selected the contact and pressed to call.

“Y/N?” His voice came through almost immediately, not even sounding tired. In fact, he sounded more awake than you were. “Is everything okay?”

“I just wanted to… To talk to you about something.”You explained awkwardly. “I watched the video…”

“The wedding video?”

“Yeah… Unless there’s some other video we made.”

“Well.” He laughed slightly and your cheeks went hot. “I’m kidding, sweetheart. I’m kidding.” He laughed a little more.

“Yeah, you’re as hilarious as I remember.” You rolled your eyes, though you wore a small smile. “In my vows, I talked about a party.”

“Mhmm.”

“What party? What happened?”

“Why don’t you come over and we can talk? I still have some of that ice cream you like.”

“I don’t know where to go, Matthew.”

“Muscle memory.” He countered smoothly and you could picture the smirk he was wearing. “Meet me on the roof, okay?”

“If I get lost, I swear to God…” You grumbled as you stood and found your shoes. You tossed on a hoodie and pushed to acknowledge the cologne it smelled of.

Looking down at the sweater, you saw it was a Columbia hoodie but from the law department. You gave a small chuckle as you realized you recognized it as Matthew’s cologne.

“What?” He asked with a laugh.

“Uh.. Nothing. I’ll call you if I get lost.”

You hurried out the door and through the chilled night, stopping at various corners as you hesitated on which way to go. After a while of second guessing and uncertainty, you settled on a building. As you entered, you felt a sense of familiarity and you took that as a good sign. You wandered up the stairs until the roof and found Matthew was already waiting for you.

“Wasn’t sure I was at the right place at first.” You confessed as you sat beside him on the ledge. You looked over at him and saw he wasn’t wearing his glasses.

“I knew you’d get here.” He said honesty, turning towards you with a gentle smile. He reached for your hand but hesitated, allowing his palm to hover over your wrist for a moment before pulling away. “So.. You wanted to talk about the party?”

“Yeah.. What happened?”

“I went with my roommate and you went with yours. It was some sorority mixer for one of their anniversaries, but both of our roommates ditched us.” He leaned his palms on the roof behind him and leaned back, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

You saw the red tint of old bruises poking out from under the collar of his t-shirt. Short cuts were illuminated across his face in the moonlight and the slightest purple tint showed around his eyes. You wondered who would assault a blind man so much as to leave him with a black eye.

“And then we got married.” He said simply with a small shrug.

“Sorry, what?” You asked, snapping from your admiration of him.

He laughed lightly and flattened out to his back, a hand reaching out for you. With a small hesitation, though somewhere deep in your gut you knew it was okay, you put your hand in his. He pulled you down to lay beside him and you let out a small groan as you thumped against the concrete.

“Your roommate ditched you for some frat guy and mine… I still don’t know where mine went that night.” He explained again, looking over at you with a soft smile. You tried to keep your eyes up at the faint pinpricks of stars, counting what you could see and trying to find constellations. But you could see him out your peripherals and you ended up rolling onto your side to face him. “Anyway, you didn’t know anyone else besides me and her so I stayed with you. We talked and you ended up leaving in my sweater.”

“This sweater.” You said and tugged the material.

“Yeah..” He said softly, barely above a whisper. He cleared his throat and continued talking. “I walked you back to your dorm and you made me call you when I walked back to mine… You told me you wanted to make sure I didn’t get hit by someone on a bike on my way but I think you just wanted to hear my voice some more.”

You laughed honestly and tucked your head against your arm. You felt his hand on the side of your face, his fingers inching into your hair, as he gently turned you back towards him. His unfocused eyes scanned your face and you could see the love in his expression.

“I told you…” You began carefully as you tugged the string of the memory. The memory at the base of a massive pile that if you could just get it out, maybe everything else would make sense. “I told you that you’d be a hell of a lawyer cause you managed to convince me not to hate you.”

“I think it was a little nicer than that.” His brows furrowed before he smiled.

He really had a beautiful smile, didn’t he?

“And then you asked if.. if that meant..”

“C’mon, sweetheart.” He said softly, practically to himself. “A little more.”

“If that meant we would spend more time together… We started studying together, in my favorite corner. We…”

“Yeah?”

“We fell in love.”

“And here we are.”

“Yeah…” You gave a small, slightly sad smile as you removed his hand. “Here we are.”

“Are we still in love?” He asked carefully, clearly terrified of the answer.

“I don’t know.” You said honestly. “But I do know that I liked you. And I think I’d like to see if we can fall in love again.”

He grinned widely and nodded eagerly. “I can live with that.. Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah.” You laughed.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

The 30th by Billie Eilish

Summary: (Alternative Unvierse) It’s been 5 months since you and Bucky official divorced. You still don’t understand what happened between you and him but a phone call from Memorial Hospital stops you in your tracks and shatters your world. 

Warning: car accident, injury based on that, mention of stalking

Word Count: 2.8K 

“Is this Mrs. Barnes?” A female voice asked. The last name that you haven’t used for a little over a year surprised you. You and Bucky have been separated for a year but divorced for 5 months. ‘Mrs. Barnes’ was a name you haven’t heard in a very long time. 

“Speaking, may I ask who's calling?” You asked. You were putting dishes away from dinner and your kids were asleep. 

“Of course ma’am, I am the head nurse on call at Memorial Hospital.” You sat down on the island. Your mind began to spiral on each possible situation. Was it your parents? Natasha? Steve? “Your husband was in a car accident.” The nurse said. Bucky must have kept you as his emergency contact. 

“How is he?” You asked. 

“He’s in serious condition but the doctors are doing everything they can.” Your heart stopped. The man you devoted so many years of your life to and the father of your children. You cleared your throat. 

“Can I come and see him?” You asked. 

“Yes, you can. I’ll let security know.” 

*

You were thankful your neighbor, Wanda, and her husband, Vision, were able to watch the girls. Their twins were the same age as your eldest, Rebecca, and Wanda loved Taylor. The girls asked a thousand and one questions but you assured them that everything was okay even though you weren’t sure if that was the truth. You kept your emotions at bay as you drove to the hospital. You had to be strong for your girls, for Bucky, and yourself. You and Bucky met through a mutual friend, Natasha. You went to college with her and she and Bucky knew each other when they were kids. Natasha invited Steve and Bucky to go out with you during your freshman year. A drunken one-night stand turned into a coffee date the next morning then 4 years of dating. He proposed the day after you graduated college. Life was good. You gave birth to two beautiful girls and were doing well in your respective careers; you as a lawyer and Bucky was working as a contractor at Steve’s construction company. Then something changed. He became distant. He was there for the girls but he began sleeping in the guest room. He worked late and was away for many weekends. Finally, you confronted him and he asked for some time apart. He moved out and then asked for a divorce. You were completely blindsided by it and it hurt because you were still in love with the man. 

*

A nurse brought you into his room. The sight took your breath away as you stared at Bucky. He was barely recognizable with machines attached to him, gauze keeping him together, and a tube down his throat. You were pretty sure a doctor came in to tell you the extent of Bucky’s injuries but their words weren’t registering with you. “Y/n,” you heard Natasha’s voice. You looked toward your friend. The doctors were gone and it was just you, Bucky, and her. She was wearing what she typically wore to work with her badge on her hip. 

“Nat, what-? How-?” Your brain was short-circuiting. 

“Let’s go talk somewhere else,” she led you out of Bucky’s room. You noticed an officer standing by Bucky’s door. Your friend led you to a conference room and you saw her partner, Maria. Steve called her Natasha’s work wife. You’ve met her a few times. 

“Natasha, what is going on?” You asked, sitting down. A cup of coffee was already in front of you. Natasha sat down next to Maria. 

“We don’t think Bucky’s crash was an accident,” Natasha said. You were stunned into silence. 

“We found another set of tire tracks at the scene and in our initial investigation we found another paint color on the back of Bucky’s car,” Maria added. You leaned back in your chair and covered your face with your hands. The room was quiet, too quiet. 

“Are you telling me someone tried to kill Bucky?” You finally asked, looking at Natasha. She nodded. 

“It appears so,” she said. “Bucky had no alcohol or drugs in his system.” That was no surprise, Bucky was straight as an arrow when it came to not drinking and driving. 

“Who the hell would try to kill him? Everyone loved him,” he was a little grumpy and as Sam said he had a ‘resting bitch face’ but he was a teddy bear. 

“Have you noticed anything strange?” Maria asked. You glared at her. 

“The man divorced me after being together for almost 10 years for no reason. Does that classify as strange?” You deadpanned, taking a sip of your coffee. You sighed. “Sorry. Before we got separated he was distant towards me but not the girls.” 

“Was there trouble at work that Steve didn’t know about?” Natasha asked. 

“I don’t know,” you told them. 

“Could someone from the law firm be angry enough with you to go after him?” It was possible. You’ve worked some major cases over your career and your relationship with Bucky was public knowledge. You’ve tried to keep your kids out of the spotlight. You’ve gotten your fair share of death threats from family members and criminals. 

“Maybe. I can have my assistant send you a list of people we’ve gotten threats from.” 

“Thank you. For now, I’m going to assign an officer to you and your kids. Are the girls at Wanda’s?” You nodded. “Okay, I’ll have Coulson go over there.”

“Thank you, Nat.” 

“Don’t thank me for just doing my job,” You said your goodbyes and headed back to Bucky’s room. You sent a text to Wanda explaining the situation and asked your assistant to send the information to Natasha and her team. You sighed, placed your phone in your pocket, and stood next to Bucky. You cupped his face gently in your hands and kissed his cheek. 

“Don’t leave me, sergeant,” you whispered. “That’s an order.” 

*

6 months later       

Bucky’s condition improved but he was still in a coma. The doctors were hopeful that he would wake up on his own as he had high brain activity. You brought the girls to see their father and explained the situation to them in a way they’d understand. You told Bucky’s family as well. It was nice talking to his mother and sister again. You split your time at your office, the hospital, and at home. You were exhausted. 

You were at the hospital working on a case when a knock on his door made you jump. You closed your laptop and looked at the door. It was Natasha, with a messenger bag over her shoulder. You saw the redhead almost every day. She was making sure you were taking care of yourself. “Hey Tash,” you said. “Are you here for work or pleasure?” 

“Work, unfortunately.” You gave her your full attention. You didn’t ask about the ongoing investigation. You didn’t have the brain capacity to focus on it and you trusted Natasha to get the job down. She sat down in the empty chair next to you. “Does the name Brock Rumlow sound familiar to you?” She asked. You nodded. 

“He was close friends with Alexander Pierce.” You put Pierce behind bars for conspiracy to commit murder when there was an attempt on Natasha’s boss’ life. You wanted to put Rumlow away too but there wasn’t enough evidence. 

“Did you also know he and Bucky knew each other?” She asked. You didn’t hide the shock on your face. “They knew each other back when Bucky served.” He didn’t talk about his time over there. But you knew it still affected him as nightmares kept him up. “Once Bucky was discharged due to him losing his arm, the two stopped talking.”

“What does this have to do with the car accident?” You asked. Natasha pulled out a folder from her bag and set a picture down in front of you. It was of Bucky and Rumlow, dated right before Bucky asked for a divorce. 

“Oh Buck,” you whispered. “What did you get yourself into?”

“They were meeting for a while.” She took the picture back into the file. “When you put Pierce away Rumlow lost it and went off the grid, the only time we resurfaced was to make contact with Bucky,” Natasha explained. 

“What did he want?” You weren’t sure if Natasha was going to tell you. 

“He wanted Bucky to help him break Pierce out of jail,” your stomach dropped. “He had some dirt on Bucky back when they served together and he threatened to release it. He also was following you and the girls,” she took out a few pictures of you and the girls at the park, grocery store, and the library. You rubbed your head. 

“How-how do you know all of this?” You asked. She pulled out an evidence bag. Inside were Bucky’s dog tags and his cell phone. 

“Bucky recorded every interaction. It took a while for the forensic team to pull the file off his phone.” She smiled at you. “He refused to help Rumlow and Rumlow caused the crash. The paint on Bucky’s car matched the car Rumlow has.” 

“What?” You said, speechless. “Why are you sitting here and not arresting the jackass?” She punched you in the arm. “Ouch!”

“Maria and Phil are handling the arrest. I thought you wanted to know the whole story before the press took hold of it.” The press was watching this case like a hawk. 

“Thank you. I won’t be able to play you back for everything you did.” She was working overtime on this case. 

“You and Bucky are family. Now you can focus on healing,” she stood up to leave. You walked over to the door and hugged her. “One more thing.” She said, facing you. “Bucky tried to call you the night of the crash. But he couldn’t get through to you. He recorded a voice memo.” 

“Did you listen to it?” You asked, already knowing the answer. She nodded. 

“Maria and I were the only ones that listened to it. I sent it to your email.” You nodded. “Listen to it when you are ready.” She gave you one last hug before leaving you. The machines that were attached to Bucky seemed louder than normal. Maybe they were trying to be heard over your pounding heart. You took your cell phone and headphones from your bag and walked over to the window. You plugged your headphones in and found the email Natasha sent you. She said to listen to it when you were ready. You weren’t sure if you ever would be ready. You put your headphones in and hit play as you stared at Bucky’s still form. 

It was silent besides the grunt or moan of pain. “Sugar, doll,” you felt your eyes burn with unshed tears. It’s been so long since he’s called you those pet names. “Fuck baby I messed up.” You couldn’t help but laugh. “I just wanted to keep you and the girls safe, you know?” He groaned. “I did some bad stuff overseas. Stuff I wasn’t ready to tell you. I thought I could handle Rumlow myself. So I distanced myself from.” He went quiet. “I thought if we weren’t seen together he couldn’t use you. I’m a fucking idiot.” 

“Yes you are Bucky Barnes,” you whispered, wiping the tears away that fell. 

“I miss you so much, baby girl. I don’t want to die without telling you how sorry I am,” you stood up and looked at Bucky. You ran over to him. 

“You aren’t going to die Barnes.” You said, cupping his face in your hands. Your tears fell onto his skin. 

“I love you. You and the girls are my worlds,” his voice continued. “Tell them that, will you?”

“Tell them yourself Bucky,” you whispered. “Tell them when you wake up.” It was becoming harder to make out his face because of how hard you were crying. “Please baby, you have to wake up.” 

“You made me a better man, doll.” His voice was becoming strained and hoarse. “Meeting you was when my life started. I love you.” The voice memo ended. You rested your head on his chest, mindful of his injuries, and cried. You haven’t cried through this whole ordeal. You let yourself cry and cry and cry. 

*

3 months later 

Bucky woke up a month after Rumlow’s arrest and when he was released from the hospital he moved back in with you and the girls. They were ecstatic to have their father back with them as he healed and recovered. But you and Bucky were walking on eggshells around each other, uncertain of how to act with one another. Sometimes he would act as he did before the accident, before the divorce and the separation. Then other times he would pull away. He doesn’t remember much from that night, especially the phone call he made. 

You had enough. For 2 months, you were at your breaking point. You sent the girls with your parents, you cooked his favorite food and dessert. The smell brought him out of the room. His hair was wet from a shower. “Do you need help?” He asked. You shook your head. 

“Can you set the table?” He nodded, grabbing two sets of plates and silverware. You were sipping on wine already. Once the food was done, you ate in silence. You watched him eat, slowly sipping on your wine. 

“You're starring,” he said. 

“I am,” he whipped his face with a napkin. 

“Can I ask what all this is for?” 

“After dinner.” He washed the dishes. It was the rule when you were together whoever cooked didn’t have to do the dishes. You pulled out the cheesecake and cut two slices. You handed him a plate. 

“It’s after dinner,” you nodded, taking a bite of your cheesecake. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked. He finished the cake and placed the dirty dish in the sink for later. 

“You are going to have to be more specific,” he said, walking over to the couch. 

“Rumlow. The fact that you knew him while I was working on the Pierce case,” he didn’t say anything as he sat down. You walked over to him and he was opening and closing his metal hand. “Or that he asked you to commit a crime and used me and the girls as leverage.” He still didn’t say anything. He wasn’t even looking at you. “We were a team, Bucky. Why didn’t you tell me?” He sighed. 

“Because I didn’t want you or the girls to find out that I’m a monster.” 

“What?” You questioned, sitting down next to you. 

“I was tasked with black op missions overseas. They nicknamed me the Winter Soldier. I did so many horrible things for this country,” he explained. “Rumlow was on a few of those missions. I wasn’t ready to tell you.” You looked forward, staring into the fireplace. 

“I know the man I married and fell in love with,” you said finally. “That man is not a monster.” 

“Doll-” he said.

“No,” you cut him off and knelt in front of him. “You are not a monster. I’m upset that you didn’t tell me but I understand.” He smiled. “You tried to call me the night of the accident but it wouldn’t go through so you left me a voice memo. Do you remember what you said?” He shook his head. 

“I vaguely remember it.” 

“You told me you loved me,” your voice cracked. “That you missed me and that you were sorry.” You smiled. “You told me that the girls and I are your worlds and that I made you a better man.” He nodded. 

“It’s the truth.” He whispered. 

“I was so scared Buck,” you admitted. “What if the accident happened on a different day? On a bridge where there wasn’t a railing in the way. Or a neighborhood street where the little kids play?” You felt the tears running down your cheeks. “What if you weren’t alone and the girls were in the car? What if you were remote and no one knew where you were? If you changed anything, would you have not survived?” 

“I’m alive,” Bucky said. 

“You're alive.” You repeated. “You’re alive.” He pulled you onto his lap and hugged you. He hugged you tight as you cried against him. You felt his tears on your skin. You ended the hug and put your forehead against his, staring into his blue eyes. A color you didn’t think you would see again. “You’re alive.”

“I’m alive.” He said against your lips. You connected them. The kiss was slow and salty from your tears but it was perfect. You were so scared that you’d never hear his voice again, kiss his lips, or feel his hands on you. He pulled away. “Thank you.” You smiled. 

“You said it on the phone, you're an idiot,” he laughed. 

“But I’m your idiot.” You nodded. 

“Yeah, you are.”

[throwaway-yandere]

I want to be honest (no this has nothing to do with fics lmao youll get it as scheduled)

This post is an explanation as to why I consider myself as "retired". I know I've said it's because of studies, but that'll be 1/3 of the truth. I want to talk about the true three real reasons why, and I'll do my best to be straight to the point. This isn't a cry for help (I swear to the heavens it is NOT). This is just to clear out assumptions.

Here's the other two reasons:

Grief & Mental Health

Writing itself & interactions

Grief & Mental Health:

I'll pour my heart out, so I'm sorry if it's long. As I said, I'll be straight to the point, so: my grandfather around the first week of June. I remember how I received the news so vividly. I was listening to Two Birds while washing the dishes at 12 AM. My mom went down the stairs with my father, crying as they tell me the news that he's gone. We drove half an hour to the hospital where I get to pat his head one last time. I remember mindlessly wandering the hospital halls— I remember mindlessly using the free alcohol attached to a wall. I remember breaking down as I realized I just cleansed away the hand that last had contact with him. I remember every detail, from the ride home where I messaged my good college friend to tell her that she needs to be a good nurse because the public healthcare system in the country is awful. I remember silently hating everyone and everything. I remember thinking about how cruel it was that life took away the one relative who genuinely cared about me and I was sure was related to me by blood. I remember thinking how much I'm distant to everyone else on my mother's side except him. I remember feeling so empty. I remember not sleeping for two days straight.

But let's back track for a bit. Before his death, I did have one final conversation with him. He was sedated and tubed miserably. Deep down, I knew his time was coming. So, I just made jokes about how grandma was growing senile and mistook me for a nurse for ten whole minutes. Then, I thanked him for everything he's done, and told him I'll become an engineer. Just like him.

And now here I am, dorming 3 hours away from home. I dormed because I had nearly decided my life meant nothing after lack of sleep through daily commutes and workloads. But I am lonely and unwell. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I actually want to be, but I already shifted courses as a chemical engineering student. I was so stressed to the point I've accidentally cried to my chem professor in a phone call. I don't know what I'm doing with my scholarship and education if it's for no one. And I am scared that I'm draining my parents' already limited resource for nothing. That I'm wasting the scholarship my country had given me nothing. That I am wasting my people's taxes for nothing.

It was only when another friend told me that I seem to live my life based on other's decisions and opinions did I notice just why I'm incredibly miserable.

I know I don't have dreams for myself. And even if I did, how the hell will writing and drawing feed me in the future when the industry in this 3rd world country is absolute garbage?

I guess Asians really do the things they hate so they can get what they love. Okay, I'll stop making jokes.

I miss my long-time friends, Phitre and Frost. I also miss my old blockmates when I was a BSEd-Math student. I am too used to eating alone, studying alone, walking alone. I am too used to being an outsider. But I'm not used to silence. I'm not too used to hearing actual silence.

All I have is Discord and Messenger.

And even then, it's quiet.

Writing itself & Interactions

I love writing and drawing. I just hate posting it at this point, which is why I made another account that's purely interaction-based.

I love writing a lot— my happiness is turning shtposts into something terrifying. I don't like writing romances, I like the thrill instead. I like laughing like I'm Hubert from FE:TH after thinking of an evil plot twist.

But I hate posting it. Because I know, no matter how much effort I put it, it's not enough. No matter how long it is— no matter if you learned basic coding for it— drew art— made interactive google forms— it's just not enough. I literally made two long separate fics with different endings depending on your choices and it just performs less on something I didn't actually put anything on.

Lord.

Lord I hate Creative Differences for that. I finally understood why bands hate their hit songs because of that lol.

Don't comment something like "oh, you content creators are just whining—" I am whining. Why? Because we don't treat artists and writers like they're human enough. Like we're just uploading content and that we don't want to hear what the others have to say. I remember there was one ask telling me how they're gonna miss traumatizing their friend— and I'm just sitting there wondering "why didn't YOU tell me their reactions? Why are you making me feel like I'm talking to a brick wall for 2k words and more?" It's not their fault. I am not mad at this anon. They've done nothing wrong, but lord do I hate feeling like this.

I could follow "part 2???" requests, finish all my drafts for the events. But I know. I know the chances of the person who requested them won't actually answer after all the effort.

[insert Berkut's "all that effort, what is it all for?!" voice line from FE:Echoes here to lighten the mood]

But that aside.

It's just silence. Just notes, when I feel like comments are what matters more. I'm used to being alone, but I really hate silence. I hate it so much. That's why I'm always so grateful to the people who do interact often, and don't say that's not true because I can prove it. You can see me make content just for them, dedicate fics, art, everything. I love them, I love the "noise".

I know we all have lives, I know we're all busy, I know. I respect your time, I respect you.

And I think it's just time I respect myself as well.

So that's why I'm retired. No pressure on events (idol and letters), no pressure on anything. I'm actually taking my time in End Of Year Blues. It's nice.

Edit: I forgot to mention

My father hates that I write. He constantly tells me to stop it, to prioritize my academics, when writing is my only way of coping.

So.

Haha, what the hell do I even do anymore, right?

[magicxc]

Give Me A Try

Pairings: Carol Danvers x OC!Reader x Steve Rogers

Word Count: 4898

Warnings:  a lil nipple action, exhibitionism, fingering, praise kink, overstimulation, slight dom Carol, cunnilingus, pussy slapping

A/N: This request has been 2 years in the making lmfaoo but I'm truly proud of how this turned out. It was supposed to be a one and done but the plot started PLOTTING and my ass just HAD to keep adding more. Unfortunately I simply cannot write really long one shots for I tire easily, so this will be broken up into a few parts. It's the spur of the moment fics like this that really are my *chef's kiss* 🤌🏾 so by all means, please enjoy!!

Chapter 1

Masterlist

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of a cure. That idiom is what my mother would constantly sing throughout the house, a hint of a warning attached to it no doubt. But it wasn’t until I was old enough to really understand the meaning did her words resonate with me in regard to my adventurous childhood.

This was often stressed to me in particular situations such as sneaking around a bees nest in hopes of tasting authentic honey, sliding down the house stairs with a snow sled, jumping off high walls in order to swing from a powerline - all acts fueled by my unlimited curiosity. However my mother was adamant that she didn't know where the hospital was until it was time to go to work, as she was a trauma nurse after all. Although I'm sure she would never let me suffer in agony, she wasn’t too keen on being at work if she wasn’t on the clock. 

These days though I've come to view that idiom with a different set of lens. Freshly graduated from high school, I slowly realised that having all the time in the world to choose a career was quite literally a lie. Time seemed sluggish yet instant all the same and soon enough senior year was passing me by. At first I dabbled with the idea of a gap year and spent many community service hours experimenting with different career fields to get a good sense of what I’d like to do forever. Soon enough I landed on dentistry, initially out of job security but eventually because I enjoyed it. 

As someone who donned braces in middle school that confidence boost is something I wish for everyone, plus the salary and flexibility seemed nice. All in all the more I delve into the field, the comfier it felt, like sinking into a fluffy futon that gradually swallows you whole. Unfortunately the path to dentistry was riddled with bullshit pre-reqs. And while I almost had my fuck it moment, I figured this would lead to a more lucrative outcome than the tik tok influencer route that I originally planned; seeing as this way I would have something reliable to fall back on. It seems ma was right after all in the sense that an ounce of prevention is indeed worth a pound of a cure.

“Considering sexuality is a spectrum, that means there has to be exactly one person out there who is the gayest.”

“Carol what the fuck are you on about?” I giggled.

“Hear me out, a leather skirt with the platform boots to match? It doesn't get gayer than that babe.”

“It’s called fashion, thank you.”

“There is literally a picture of Cara Delevigne on your shirt,” she pointed out. "Not to mention those fishnet stockings and that tight ass corset."

“I’m not about to do this with you.”

"Listen sweetness, I don’t mind,” she winked. “You can be gayer than me any day.”

“GOODBYE Carol!” 

“I love youuuu,” she sang as we separated down the halls.

“Yeah yeah, I love you too,” I yelled over my shoulder.

Introductory to College Success is a great starter class for those unsure of what life holds for them, however it’s a money grab for others that are. Riddled with hypothetical questions, life goals, and career fields, the class offers a good outlook on the possibilities of life after highschool, but not for $350 per credit hour. Too bad it’s mandatory for all freshman students. The upside of it all is the easy A that this class is supposed to guarantee. Stepping into the threshold, I settle into the seat closest to the back, more comfortable with the idea of not being seen and certainly not being called on. 

“Good morning class, I’m Professor Rogers and before we get started I need y’all to give me like 10 stars on that rate my professor app.”

Yeahhh this about to be the easiest A I’ve ever gotten cause aint no way.

|~~

“Cam, say sike right the fuck now!!” Carol squealed. “And what did you do after that?”

“I gave him a 5 star rating, what you mean?”

Head thrown back, I watched as Carol bursted at the seams at the retelling of my first day of class. She couldn’t believe it and neither could I if I’m being honest - shock still at the forefront of my mind that Professor Rogers isn’t as mythical as people made him out to be. He’s chill, assigns easy ass work, and has a 100% pass rate with his students. If only all my pre-req professors worked that way.

Word around town is that Mr. Rogers is somewhat of a nepo baby, this job being a direct offer from the college president seeing as Mr. Stark is like an uncle of sorts. Whether he qualifies or not is none of my business so long as I pass his class, and by the looks of it, it’s off to a pretty good start. 

Legs softly brushing against Carols underneath the table of the quaint coffee shop, the loud whiz of the blender fades into the background as I listen intently to her first day of college chronicles. Distant chatter helps fill the noisy atmosphere while the doorbell chimes with each new customer. A quick peek out the window has me noticing that the leaves are beginning to turn and I want so badly to savor the last bit of warmth before fall becomes full fledged. 

Snaking her hand in mine, I kiss along her warm skin, a request in between each peck of us finishing this conversation outside. Thankfully it doesn’t take her long to accept, that same hand reaching around my face to twist her fingers through my curls. Wrapping up the last bits of our coffee we leave the coffee shop, fingers interlocked in lieu of our next mission.

|~~

“Ohhh, one of my professors mentioned a popular lake nearby that’s supposed to be really scenic,” she quipped over the steering wheel.

“Is it isolated? Cause you know I don’t get down like that Carol, that's the type of shit that’ll have us end up on the ID channel.”

“Relax, it’s like 5 minutes off the main road and it’s actually known to be a lovers paradise."

Eyeing the cell phone mounted on the dash for directions, one hand on the wheel while the other cradles the back of my headrest, she makes a particularly tricky maneuver; her tongue darting between pink lips as it hangs on the corner in concentration. Fingers reaching into my hair, I gently twirl them around, entranced at how she manages to make the mundane look hot.

As racy as my thoughts get rolling for Carol, it's truly the little things she does that warms my insides - like how during the winter she puts my towel in the dryer so it’s extra warm when I get out the shower or making me a pottery mug just for tea after learning that I’d drink it almost every day. She usually takes the world for what it is and views it with a small sense of naivety, choosing instead to see the good in all; and sometimes I wish, if only for a second, that I could see things through her lens - with such light and curiosity. 

“Now I see why the lake is named Shady Depths," she said pulling into the bushes.

“Now Carol-”

“I know, I know, trust me I had the same idea; but apparently it garnered its name from the many cheating scandals that took place there.”

“Girl, not you taking me to a place where relationships meet their end.”

Tossing a bottle cap at me, Carol goes on to mention how we can be the reason the lake gains another type of reputation and also that our relationship shouldn’t be built around superstition.

“Mhmm, are you sure that’s the ONLY reason it’s called Shady Depths?”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting scared?” she feigns surprise.

“Being scared and aware are two very different things.”

“As someone majoring in dentistry I’m pretty sure you can handle a few minutes at this lake.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, slurping the last bits of coffee, the hallow noise of the straw a clear indication that the sticky goodness was finished. 

“Cam, the human mouth is terrifying. I saw what my niece's looked like before the silver teeth and let's just say I was never the same.”

At that I choked on my spit, a haughty combination of laughter and hacking the result of my carelessness. But I can’t help being so care-free around Carol, her authentic nature comforting enough to bring out my kooky personality.

It’s been about two years since we’ve made things official. We’d met sophomore year at our highschools trivia night - a game night dedicated to all the social club participants to celebrate the end of the school year. Chocked full of snacks, fun music, and fierce competition it was typically the highlight of the final semester for all involved. At some point during the games, Carol and I had found ourselves on opposing teams, making it to the final round three different times, and what started out as initial frustration soon blossomed into genuine curiosity. 

Shortly after, the familiar face that I’d pass by in the hallways began accompanying me to after school hangouts, study sessions, and the occasional sleep over. A soft brushing of the hands here and prolonged eye lingering there, we’d come to realise that there was something between the two of us and while Carol had always been so sure of herself, it was me that had to work up the courage to be at the same level of comfort. All it took was one rainy night and a promise to see where things would take us that led to this very moment - pulling into what feels like a page out of a magazine book. 

While secluded areas aren't typically my thing, this lake does bring a soothing sense of familiarity to it as if I, too, had spent some fun nights out here. There’s a dock at the edge of the shore that extends about 100 feet into the water, with a pool ladder that dips into what looks to be no more than five steps beneath the chilling surface. As the sun sets beneath the horizon its golden rays spread across each ripple of water, glimmering with the last remnants of the physical representation of the day. Although inviting, I know the water is far from warm, the sun providing only a source of light rather than heat; however it can be a relief on a hot sunny day as opposed to the cooling 70° that drifts through the autumn air. There’s chairs scattered near the dock, remains of what looks to be a bonfire littered around, and deep into the corners are a pair of hammocks tied to the trees. This is definitely a place I can see myself visiting if not for the scenery, then certainly the serenity that it brings.

Cutting the engine, Carol shifts toward me, her eyes gleaming with mischief, an I told you so on the tip of her tongue as she clocked the way that I admired the area. 

“I don’t wanna hear it. You ate that lil one thing or whatever.”

“I did what?” she asked, hand cupping her ear. 

“You did your big one Carol damn,” I chuckled. “This lake is actually really quaint.”

“Mhmm yeah, some of the locals were talking about it earlier and I just had to see for myself what all the hype was about.” “I genuinely wouldn’t mind coming out here with some snacks next time or even just to do some homework,” I commented, gaze lingering over the small waves.

“I’m looking at a snack right now,” Carol chirped, tongue darting out of her mouth and swiping across her lips.

Leaning across the console, just low enough for my breasts to peek over the neckline of my shirt, I reach over and slid my tongue against hers; the feel of it moist and thick as she looped it around mine, mouth opening to accept me entirely. The bitter taste of coffee greets my taste buds and I delve deeper into the kiss, nose brushing against Carols as I gladly accept the remnants of her earlier refreshment. 

Tracing over the hem of my shirt, Carols expert hands trail upward, her nimble finger tips rolling each nipple through the fabric with her thumb and forefinger until I cry out into the kiss. 

Mouth swallowing my mewls, Carol releases me with a slippery pop, suggesting that we take this party outside, preferably on the hood of the car.

“Are you serious?” I screeched, eyes bulging from their sockets.

“C’mon, I thought you’ve always wanted to try a little exhibitionism.”

“Yeah, back then when I was young and dumb.”

“You’re still young and dumb,” she teased.

A few playful slaps land on her arm at the remark, her insistence becoming more convincing by the minute. After all, we were the only ones here and the place echoed loud enough to hear any approaching tires against the gravel, which would give us just enough time to collect ourselves. 

“Carol you have until sunset, so you better make it quick,” I urged. 

“By the looks of it that’s in 15 minutes, 20 tops,” she replied. “It’s all good though cause I’ve made you cum in less.”

Heat rising to the surface of my cheeks, I have to look away, her aura and down right naughty words too much for me to physically handle at this point. Using her fingers, she redirects my face toward hers, pecking my lips while lightly dragging hers to the side of my jaw, effectively ordering me to get out of the car and onto the hood.

Pulling away and stepping out, I gently shut the door close, trying my best to keep quiet in the off chance that lingering ears are close by. We both saunter to the front of the car, my hand reaching over the steel to get a feel of if I can comfortably sit there. Palm pressed flatly against the surface, Carol stands behind me, her face in my neck as her palm sits parallel to mine.

“Feels *kiss* about *kiss* right *kiss* to *kiss* me.”

“Are you sure this won’t burn me? I have very sensitive thighs,” I nervously admitted, bottom lip caught between my teeth.

“I’ve seen you shower in water hotter than this sweetness, but if it gets too much just let me know and we’ll stop, mhmkay.”

Nose crinkling at the thought that we’re actually going through with this, I gently hop on top of the car and carefully scoot my way up to the middle of the hood. 

“God I’m so glad that you wore a skirt today.”

It was primarily a fashion choice. Had I known that it’d be serving other purposes, I would’ve opted for a softer material rather than this sticky leather. 

Lips harshly colliding with mine, Carol's eagerness is on full display, teeth clashing in the mix of our spit swapping kiss. Her hands hike my skirt up as I lift my hips to help with the process. Sliding my panties to the side, she wastes no time in shoving her fingers inside me, twisting them around to get an idea of just how much moisture needs to be added to the equation, if any.

“What a slut,” she taunts. “Five minutes in and you’re already wet enough to end the water crisis.” 

“Carol,” I whimpered, annoyed that she can find the time to talk while her fingers have come to a standstill. 

“Nuh uh you want it so bad, come show me just how you want my fingers to feel.”

‘Wha- huh? I don’t understand.”

“Ride my fingers and if you do it well enough, I may just use them.”

“Ca-”

“Ride them,” she demanded. 

Legs spread apart, I dig my heels in the bumper of the car for balance, hips rising ever so slightly as I begin to carefully drive them towards Carols fingers. Slowly sliding down I start a slight bouncing movement, shifting down and then back up again as Carol intentionally keeps her fingers still. 

“That’s it,” she coos. “Just keep going like that and you’ll find your groove.”

And just like that I went, feet planted onto the car as I did my best to glide down her slender fingers. My palms dig into the hood, its warmth radiating heat to my already hot body. And thankfully it starts to feel good, good enough for me to inch my way further down each time, careful not to slip entirely. 

“Good girl,” she praises. “Look at you, deep in concentration just for a taste of my fingers.”

My thighs begin to burn at the balance I have to maintain, forehead moist at the workout I find myself in. But still I continue, deliberate in my ministrations, this time reaching for the base of her knuckles.

At that she pulls back, making my goal post further than it needs to be, frustration etched onto my features.

“That’s cheating,” I huffed. 

“Yeah well, I can’t make it too easy for you,” she chirped. 

“This isn’t easy at all.”

“Nothing in life ever is, now do it again.”

“I’ll drop if I-”

At that she thrusts her fingers into my core, quick enough to surprise me and deep enough to cause a little discomfort, my retort effectively cut off.

“You’ll what, you'll drop? When have I ever dropped you?” she questioned. “When did you stop trusting me huh?”

Reaching forward she drags my bottom lip forward with her teeth, burying them into the soft flesh until my whines crescendoed. She eventually lets it go, pulling back only to scold me further. 

“Did you actually think me so careless that I’d let you hurt yourself? That I can’t see past my own lust?”

Was it annoyance or anger? I couldn’t really tell. Carol’s fingers never slowed down enough for my mind to catch up with her words. Insistent on pumping them inside of me, all I could do was sit there and wail, her digits now curled upward as she continued thrusting them.

“And do you really think that I should let you cum?”

Now that I caught. Caught it quick enough to realise that my hips were pushing against her fingers, meeting them each time her hand pulled back in a desperate attempt to hit my peak. But the implication that I may not, had my eyes glossy with tears, irritated that Carol could even think to deprive me after all those hoops she's so excitedly make me jump through. 

“Don’t even worry, cause I’m about to give you all that and more.”

Thumb placed on the pearl of my clit, she vigorously circles it, her fingers continuing their come hither motion as my hips bounced against her knuckles. Belly caved in, chest tight, and head numb, I couldn’t help the tears that brimmed over and cascaded down my cheeks, head thrown back as I felt the water works slide down my ass.

My brain was so foggy, it didn’t register that Carol never stopped. It took me coming again to notice that she intended to work my body past the confines of comfort and on any other day I truly wouldn’t mind the challenge. But here, in this secluded ass wilderness, with darkness just around the corner had me calling a timeout. 

Gathering the little energy I have left, both arms shot out and locked around her dominant one, slowing her skilled movements in a pathetic plea to slow down or stop altogether; begging for which I truly couldn't tell.

“I don't know, it wouldn’t seem fair to cheat you out of feeling so good,” she feigns concern.

“Carol please don’t.”

“Silly me, I forgot just how much of a hands on learner you are, like when you learned just how many times you could cum.”

Truth be told I still don’t know as I lost count after the eighth. Tales from the straights had me nervous about being able to make it to the finish line, let alone being able to do it more than once in a single setting. However, questioning Carol on such a fact did give me the answers I needed, just not in the way I expected as I passed out that night.

Carol has a way of telling me what I want, but to the extreme. This is her weird way of building trust and proving that actions do speak louder than words, so the next time she asks me to ride her fingers, I'm gonna do that shit with no hands to see just how good those reflexes are when put to the test. 

“Besides, what happened to the whole sunset thing?” she quipped.

“The deal was you could make me cum before it sets,” I panted. “Now lets see what I could do with the six minutes of light we have left.”

Eyebrows arched, a challenging grin meets my tired one, Carols competitive urge no doubt itching to stop her in her tracks so that it gets the chance to shine. Slowly removing her fingers from inside me, she coaxes my mouth open for me to clean them, rolling each digit over my tongue as she drives them forward in a rocking type motion. 

“You have exactly five minutes to show me how this wouldn’t be a complete waste of time,” she cautioned, diving in for a soft kiss.

Helping me off the car, Carol mounts herself atop the hood in my place, watching through hooded eyes as I fixed my clothing. Skirt straightened and shirt tucked, I look up to see that Carol already assumed the position, her legs spread wide with her clothed pussy on full display. 

“I see you get a kick out of being a little dominatrix,” I teased, referring to the damp spot in the middle of her underwear. 

“Oh trust me there isn’t anything little about me, and you have four minutes left before I get down there and show you.”

She always has to one up me, but I’m gonna take a page out of her book and let my actions do the talking. I wanna see just how smart that mouth is when she gets to whimpering like a bitch in heat.

Wasting no time, I attach my lips to her pussy through the underwear, her sharp intake of breath just waiting to let loose at the inevitable contact of skin on skin; and as much as I want to hold out, as much as I want to drag out this feeling, the sun won't last too much longer.

Slipping my fingers inside the fabric she finally lets loose, blowing out the sweet release that lets me know that I'm on the right track. Tongue darting past my lips, I lick a trail up the center, making sure to stop at her dripping heat before diving inside and twisting it around. Carols sticky excitement gets smeared across my chin in the process of it all and I gently scrape my teeth across her lips to keep her feisty ass on edge. 

Glancing above, we lock eyes but mine can’t help focusing on the sky behind her which seems to be darkening by the second and so I drag my face upward, tongue noisily sliding across her slick pussy until it reaches her shy bud peeking through the hood. 

“Even in sex you manage to be challenging,” I taunted, palm rising up to land on her core. 

Her hips jump forward and I have to physically hide the smile that threatens to creep up, my hand once more connecting with her skin in attempt to see just how flustered she’d get. 

thwack

“There she is, she’s just a little shy huh?” I cooed, thumb coming up to circle the now fully protruded bud. “Talk to me Carol, why you so quiet all of a sudden mhmm?”

“I’m just waiting -”

Before she could finish, I clamped my mouth to her clit, squeezing and sucking until I knew for sure any fiery remark was effectively doused. It’s such a turn on for me, watching my strong girl get so weak in the knees, watching intently as she ate her fucking words every time.

She can’t help but buck those slutty hips toward my face, unintentionally chasing the high I’d so gladly give her, but its the closing of her legs that has my face upturned. Thighs locking around my neck, I use both my hands to pin them to the cooling hood, my lips now a vacuum as it harshly suctions against her glistening pearl. She settles for aimlessly thrashing about, the steel of the car bending in ways Im not entirely sure we can fix.

“You have tw- two minutes lef- uhhh ahhh,” she screeches.

She never misses a chance to talk her shit and I'll never miss a opportunity to turn down a challenge, adding my two fingers to the mix to help speed things along.

The car shakes viciously, her thighs struggling underneath my hand, my fingers no doubt leaving behind an imprint of just how good this night will end for her. Soon enough Carol’s fingernails graze my scalp, her hands pulling at my hair in all sorts of gratifying ways; a heavy hum of approval slipping past my lips and sending direct shock waves to her insides. 

The driving of my fingers never cease, and it's the way she clenches her hips, lifting them ever so slightly that lets me know just how dangerously close she is. Thirsty seconds left on the clock and I all but power speed through the final seconds, my mouth no doubt borderline painful on her now swollen clit.

In the knick of time I feel the dam of Carols walls break down, overflowing with her sticky essence as a result of probably the hardest work I’ve put in. She lies flatly on the car, her chest heavily panting as she takes a minute to rejoin me back on earth.

“Talk to me nice or don’t talk to me twice. FIVE MINUTES? Who the fuck could ever get you going in such a short time?” I bragged.

“You did your big one Cam damn,” she mimicked from earlier today, lengthy breaths puffing past her mouth as she struggles to catch herself.

“Yeah that’s right, now come put those lips on mine and see just how fucking delectable you taste.”

Smiling, she raises up off the hood of the car, grunting at the effort it took and slid down ever so slightly until her mouth met mine; soft kisses at first, that soon turned passionate; her hands coming up to cup my cheeks for an easier maneuver. 

Splashing from the water breaks the kiss, both of us craning our necks to see where the source is coming from, but all that greets us is how beautifully the moon kisses the rippling water, it’s pale reflection sitting atop the never ending tide. All remnants of the day is gone, the darkness swallowing the area whole and now adding a eerie vibe to the once peaceful scene. 

“C’mon C, let's head out,” I suggested. “I don’t care what that sound was and I’m not sticking around to find out. 

“It’s probably just a tree branch or a small animal taking a nightly dive,” she chuckled. 

“Again, I’m sticking around to find out.”

Laughing, she jumps from the hood, her wobbly footing almost sending her crashing to the ground. Helping with her stance, we fix her dress and head inside the car for some relief from the cooling breeze. 

“Whadya say, think we can buff out those dents?” Carol teases, revving the engine.

“Girl that’s tomorrow's problem. All I care about right now is a shower and some food.”

“Yes ma’am,” she concedes, her hand finding a permanent place on my thigh. “How are you feeling? I wasn’t too rough was I?”

“No, just mean,” I confess. 

“I’m sorry sweetness, sometimes I can go a little overboard. But all you gotta do is say the word and I’ll stop right in my tracks, knuckles deep and all.”

Palm slapped across my mouth, I fell into a fit of giggles at Carol's refusal to mince her words. Thankfully she’s never gotten too rough with me and was always right there with the perfect amount of aftercare to make sure that things never made me feel degraded.

Carol’s rough is borderline dominatrix whereas my rough is just me talking my shit. We both switch depending on our immediate moods, sex between us a combination of dom and sub behaviours from both parties, but at the end of it all is where we come together to make sure that everyone is on one accord.

“Im gonna run us a bath when we get back to the apartment and we can order from that Thai place down the street?” she offers. 

“Thats only if I don't fall asleep right away.”

“Oh sweetness, I won’t let that happen. Cause you still owe me two more rounds and I’ll be damned if I don’t get them.”

[ireallylovepuppies101]

Cat-Dad AU 2

PART TWO!!!

Bendy’s about 4 years old, and things are going well for him and Felix. Felix is almost done with college, he's no longer zany, he reconnected with Nora and Sheba who absolutely LOVE Bendy with all their hearts, Bendy has been growing up to be a wonderful bright little boy (though Felix and Wilson wish his curiously didn't result in him taking apart the radio), and Bendy absolutely loves and adores his hard working Dad. So when Felix takes Bendy with him on a trip out of town to help Wilson with something work related, Bendy was EXCITED. 

They stop in a small town during their trip, Felix stopping to look over a map to make sure they’re heading the right way. Taking his eyes off of Bendy for just a second.

And a second is all it takes for Bendy to disappear on him.

Moments away from having a STROKE, Felix thankfully hears Bendy call out to him from an alley so he rushes right over. He'd be ready to scold Bendy for leaving his side, but that lecture never happens when he sees that in Bendy’s arms, is a wolf pup, shivering and whimpering as he's wrapped up in a baby blanket with the name "Boris" stitched into it. Felix quickly takes the baby from Bendy, telling his son he did a good job finding this little wolfy in need of help, and rushes to the closest hospital to make sure the pup will be okay.

Thankfully they get the medical all clear, little Boris just needs to be fed and kept warm, though he'd fuss too much to accept anything from the nurses, so Felix offers to try considering he's raised a fussy baby before. Boris still fusses a bit and doesn't take the bottle of baby formula from Felix right away, until he sees Bendy watching him curiously and settles down to eat without a problem, and falls asleep in Felix’s warm arms as the cat man purrs to sooth him. Bendy not once takes his eyes off of Boris, and sits in Felix’s lap as his dad gets the baby to fall asleep.

After the police try looking into where Boris could have come from, but come up empty handed, Felix finds himself having a hard time thinking about parting ways with the little wolf pup, especially seeing how attached Bendy is to the little guy, and decides to try raising Boris as well.

Wilson, Sheba, and Nora were THRILLED to welcome another baby into the family. All of them helping out so Felix wouldn't get as exhausted as he used to get by raising baby Bendy by himself. He also has an easier time doing research on raising a wolf pup since there are actual books on that.

Bendy meanwhile, would work hard to be the best big brother EVER. Sitting on the floor with Boris and playing very gently with him, taking naps with Boris to help his little brother fall asleep faster, doing whatever he can to get Boris to stop crying, and he even gets up at night when he wakes up hearing Boris fussing (Felix usually ends up carrying Bendy back to bed because his oldest son fell back to sleep on Boris’s bedroom floor).

By the time Bendy’s about 5-6 and Boris is 1-2, Felix will graduate college, and during the graduation ceremony when his name is called for him to come accept his certificate, Felix isn't all that surprised to hear people laughing and going "Aaaaw!" as all eyes on the crowd follow Bendy as he runs from his Aunty, GodMother, and Grandpa to get to his Dad with his baby brother in his arms. Felix laughs as he gets down on his knees and holds out his arms to scoop up his boys, hugging them tightly as the crowd laugh and applaud. Felix’s graduation photo is one of his favorite family pictures he carries around with him in his wallet.

Now for funfacts!

-Everyone jokes that Bendy is Boris's favorite. Especially when Boris's first word was "Beh-bee", aka his attempt at saying Bendy's name.

-While Bendy as a baby would bite people he didn't like, Boris, being a puppy, would bite EVERYTHING. Poor Felix wouldn't be able to leave a room without coming back and finding it absolutely destroyed while Boris would be in the middle of chewing one of his shoes.

-Bendy as a toddler didn't seem to want to accept the fact that he was too little to do certain things. Like reaching things on high up shelves. So he either tried climbing everything, or started trying to use his talent. Either way Felix swears he lost one of his nine lives from fear alone stopped Bendy from falling, saving him from getting crushed from falling furniture, or getting Bendy to calm down when his shadows got a bit out of control and started throwing things.

-Felix and Wilson would do their best trying to teach Bendy to control his talent, but with their limited knowledge on demons it wouldn't be perfect, but at least he'd have better control then what he would have had if he never had any help.

-Felix gets a kick out of getting Boris to howl as a baby. After reading through a book about wolves, he curiously looked at Boris in his arms and gave an experimental howl, which made Boris perk up, tilt his head curiously at his Dad, before giving the biggest, mightiest baby howl he could. 

-Due to being raised by a cat, and hearing Felix purr to them to get them to settle down and/or comfort them, Bendy AND Boris purr. Technically speaking, Bendy purrs more often, while Boris grew up trying to mimic purring when he's happy. Felix was at first shocked hearing Boris purr for the first time, until he started wheezing with laughter while rushing off to go show Wilson. (As a teenager Boris denies ever doing that and glares at Bendy when he brings it up to their friends, and blushes to death when Felix joins into the conversation.)

[freddie-77-ao3]

Emoji ask game:

🤨😉🕷️🐦‍⬛😝

First thing I notice about a person:

I don't know what the first thing I notice lol. I think it's just whatever is the most 'noticeable'. i'm pretty oblivious in general so things don;t typically stand out to me.

Favorite hobbies:

hmmm. so, you know, writing and reading are absolutely two of my biggest things-- I do primarily write fanfiction right now-- or rather, that's what I post-- but I do write essays for fun when I've got the time/energy to do a bunch of research. I think I like writing them about the same. Also, hockey of course-- luckily there are pick up games most nights in the summer, and when college starts again, so do sports. Also sports wise, running is great (when I have the energy and lung capacity+low pain, which is pretty rare). Outside of that, you know, I'll weave a little, but that's about it. sometimes I do pot holders too-- easy enough to make, and there's always someone who'll take a pot holder or two so I don't end up with 50 pot holders in my closet like I did when I was ten lol.

A phobia:

I think I only have one phobia?

Needles, I was actually perfectly fine with when I was a young kid. I didn't feel the pain, so I didn't really get the point in being afraid of them, plus I was a chronically ill kid so I was around needles for IVs and blood draws and sometime glucose monitoring a lot. anyway, that changed when I was eight.

I was in the hospital again... not actually sure what it was that time-- I think I might have fallen? anyway, whatever it was for, I needed a CT scan with contrast, and had to get an IV. but at this point I'd been in the exam room for five hours, and i'd not eaten or drank anything all day before that, so I was pretty dehydrated, you know? and so there was this nurse that like. was pretty young, probably fresh out of school and he was trying to get the IV in and.

he couldn't get it in. I was counting the pokes. he tried 36 times. I was screaming. he couldn't get it in. eventually an older nurse came in and did it but like. that was heavily traumatizing so.

Embarrassing fact about me:

other than every fact about me? my crush told me she liked me and i ran away and we never spoke about it again and we're still best friends and I still like her. that's a top tier one. might have shared that one before.

also very embarassing but the way my family's kitchen is set up I need to climb up on a chair pretty much every time I cook or I can't reach everything I need.

Favourite quote:

only one?

rats. i'm really bad at picking favourites. (seriously I almost never answer favourite questions honestly because there's so much decision making, so anyone here's a couple top ones)

"because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own. " richard siken. to me the something here is always someone.

"A meltdown feels to me like epilepsy of the emotions—all circuits firing madly, set off by a trigger just as epilepsy can be set off by flashing lights. I have as little control of it—" this is from an account of having autism from an older person and it just always resonated with me. first read it right after I had a pretty big public meltdown though, so that's probably why i got so attached to it.

"Your co-workers ask if everything’s okay and you tell them you’re just tired. And you’re trying to smile. And they’re trying to smile." Richard Siken. Just vibes, i don't know what to tell you.

[envihellbender]

Elias doing Michael’s statement of killing Father Thomas for him

Characters: Elias Bouchard, Michael Shelley (The Magnus Archives)

Content: murder, gore, body horror, testicular trauma, forced cannibalism, sexual abuse

[CLICK]

ELIAS (THE EYE)

[CLEARS THROAT] Statement of Michael Shelley, regarding the killing of Father Oliver Thomas. It occurred in Saint Augustine’s Church in Whitechapel, in the East End of London. Statement given on the 14th of March 2010. Audio recording by Elias Bouchard, the Head of the Magnus Institute. Statement begins. [A PAUSE, A CLIPPED SHAKY BREATH APPEARS IN THE BACKGROUND.] Michael. Do you wish to start?

MICHAEL SHELLEY

[HE STAMMERS, IT IS MORE THAN CLEAR HE WOULD RATHER BE DOING ANYTHING ELSE.] I… I erm. Right. Is this… this statement it- it will stay between us, won’t it? I mean…

ELIAS (THE EYE)

[HE SOUNDS IMPATIENT BUT NOT LACKING COMPASSION.] I assume whoever manages the tapes will hear it. [HE SIGHS.] But if your real question is ‘will Gertrude Robinson hear it?’ I can arrange for that not to occur.

MICHAEL SHELLEY

I… Right. Right. Thank you, sir. I’m very-[HE COUGHS AWKWARDLY AFTER RECEIVING AN IMPATIENT LOOK FROM ELIAS.] Do- do you need this for police records or-?

ELIAS (THE EYE)

I don’t see the need to involve the police, Michael. Now [HE GROWS IMPATIENT] in your own time.

MICHAEL SHELLEY

[NERVOUSLY] Of course! Of course. I do- right well. I first met Father Oliver Thomas when I was … eleven, I think? It’s hard to say my childhood is a little hazy and uneven at the best of times. I was definitely in foster care, so it was after I got taken from my dad. But… I don’t- maybe I was twelve? Or thirteen? Anyway, it- the specific age doesn’t matter I guess. I was in choir, and Father Thomas was in charge of the choir and he … got especially attached to certain members of- I’m sure you can figure out what happened. He’d stroke my hair, call me his angel, and he’d… [MICHAEL CLEARS HIS THROAT AND SNIFFS BACK TEARS.] touch me. Extremely inappropriately. Among other things. That’s- that’s not- it happened quite a lot. For a while. Until I was able to stop going to church out of my own free will. He said he loved me over and over again but I always knew that to be false because- [MICHAEL PAUSES.] Because everyone I love goes mad-

ELIAS (THE EYE)

[HE INTERRUPTS A LITTLE HASTILY. HE KNOWS THE ANSWER TO HIS QUESTION, HE JUST WANTS TI HEAR IT AGAIN.] Could you expand on that a little? For the tape.

MICHAEL SHELLEY

Oh! Oh of course. Yes. Well. My mother had quite severe postpartum psychosis, and- and she was institutionalised when I was seven. And- and I’ve only seen here during hospital visits since. And- and even when the nurses and doctors said she was improving she- she always regressed whenever she saw me. [HIS VOICE GETS HIGHER AND SADDER] And- and I- they said it wasn’t my fault but- but it wasn’t just her. My dad he- well- his madness was the bottle I guess. He’d hide into the bottle and forget I existed. Then- then there was my friend, my school friend who went mad and killed and ate his family. Then- and I had a boyfriend at Art College. He- he killed himself. It- it always happens to people who love me. Always. I was hoping- I was hoping joining the Archive would help me figure out why. And- and we think- I think- I think it’s the effect of- of the Spiral. Which… which I guess is how I got the idea to kill Father Thomas-

ELIAS (THE EYE)

[HE SOUNDS GENUINELY SURPRISED] The Spiral gave you the idea?

MICHAEL SHELLEY

Yes! I- I went through the door. Like you told me to and- and it wasn’t so bad? It was quite calming really. Nice. And- and the being that I found there it- I don’t know it was just a feeling really not a person- a voice? It led me down a corridor that- the door it opened to a room in a church and I saw him! I saw- [HIS VOICE GETS FASTER AND ANGRIER] He must have been- have been moved to a different church. I saw- I saw him there and I saw him- I saw him and- and he was happy. He drank his brandy and just stuffed his face with a nice steak and- and I couldn’t- So I- I let it- the voice I- I let it come through me. Just a little. Just once. I let it take over and I- I had… it was fun… [HIS VOICE TRAILS OFF INTO SILENCE]

ELIAS (THE EYE)

[HE PRESSES] What happened then Michael?

MICHAEL SHELLEY

I- I asked him if he recognised me, he didn’t at first and I laughed. I- I towered over him. He’s such a weak old man now, and I choked him. I choked him until his lips went blue and then- and then- I could hear the Spiral’s voice talking to me. It was telling me what to do. I followed it’s- I followed is instructions. I- I slammed his head against the wall repeatedly. The Spiral it- it let me- it kept him alive, when he should he dead. I ripped off his- his erm- his testicles, sir, with the steak knife he had on the table. And I shoved them in his mouth. I held his mouth shut until he chewed and swallowed them, sir. Then I- then I stabbed his gut over and over and over and over and over again. And- and he begged me for forgiveness but- I… I should feel guilty shouldn’t I, sir?

ELIAS (THE EYE)

I can’t answer that for you, Michael. [ELIAS IS REMARKABLY QUIET AND UNDISTURBED.]

MICHAEL SHELLEY

I’m not sorry. I’d do it again. He deserved it. And- and I’m glad the Spiral led me there. That it helped me.

ELIAS (THE EYE)

I have to say, Michael. You are doing remarkably well, you’ve taken to the Spiral far better than I could have imagined.

MICHAEL SHELLEY

But- but I’m not- I’m not the Distortion. Not yet.

ELIAS (THE EYE)

No, but you will be. You’ll be a strong, brilliant Distortion, Michael. I promise.

MICHAEL SHELLEY

I- thank you, sir.

ELIAS (THE EYE)

Statement ends.

[CLICK]

[callofthxvoid]

Please welcome BEATRIX "TRIXIE" VOS (SHE/HER) to Huntsville, WV. They are a 32-year-old VISITOR who lives in TOWN. You may see them around working as a NURSE AT HUNTSVILLE HIGH. They are looking for FOX VOS, their BROTHER, and CHANDLER VOS, their SISTER. Poor unfortunate soul. We'll see if they survive.

quick facts

Title: The Flight Risk

Name: Beatrix Kendra Vos

Nickname: Trixie, Trix (by Lance), B (by Ven)

Date of Birth: November 22, 1991

Age: 32

Place of Birth: Definitely Somewhere

Hometown: Also A Place That Exists

Languages: English, Spanish

Faceclaim: Skyler Samuels

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Pansexual

Relationship Status: In a relationship with Lance Cerulli

personality

Myers-Briggs: ISFP - The Adventurer

Enneagram: Type Four - The Individualist (4w3)

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Good

Occupation: Nurse at Huntsville High

Role: Gatherer

[+] adventurous, generous, empathetic, patient [-] conflicted, inconstant, thrill-seeking, self-sabotaging

Character Inspirations: Dr. Emma K. Kurtzman (No Strings Attached), Elaine "Lainey" Dalton (Sleeping With Other People), Bridget Vreeland (The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants)

background

TW: Alcoholism, Parental Neglect

Born the second of three children to neglectful, alcoholic parents, Trixie has spent her whole life feeling torn between two sides of herself that seem impossible for her to reconcile with each other. On one hand, her early childhood was defined by being the careless, accident-prone little sister who always needed help from her big brother Fox, because she was always the one messing up. On the other hand, she simultaneously found herself stepping up to be the responsible, nurturing older sister to her little sister Chandler—especially after a blowup between their dad and Fox resulted in the former getting arrested and the latter being going into a second chance program.

At the time, Trixie was barely going into middle school, and her teenage years played out in much the same fashion. She had good grades, but she spent way more time in detention than any other honours student at her school did. She refused to drink or take drugs, but she was almost notoriously promiscuous, known for rarely (if ever) saying no to a hookup. After graduating, she attended community college to get an associate's degree in nursing, while she made a living getting paid under the table to work at a dive bar that was a popular concert venue for underground bands.

Trixie was on the precipice of having her life together when her older brother went missing during a job. At the time, she had just qualified as a nurse, was working her first job at a local hospital, and had been in a committed relationship since college. Her boyfriend was a nice, stable person from a nice, stable family, and while he was incredibly good to her, she always felt like there were things that she couldn't share with him—like she always had to hide her messy side, or the parts of her life that weren't as pretty. When he proposed, she had a small meltdown about the whole thing, freaked out and turned him down, and has not been in a serious relationship since.

Life carried on, and she continued working as a nurse while making friends from all walks of life. Among them was Lance Cerulli, whom she met while directing him to an AA meeting after he was admitted to the hospital she was working at; so when he told her that he was going to Huntsville for a fresh start, and she realised that was the same area that Fox had gone missing in, she had no qualms about deciding to accompany him on the road. And yet, despite having now spent two years in a place where her old problems hardly seem to matter, Trixie finds herself stuck in the same dilemma she has always been in—torn between the part of herself that wants to grow up and settle down and the one that recoils at the very thought of doing anything like that.

misc

She classifies herself as straight edge and has xXx tattooed on her left wrist. She also has two other tattoos - the first is her siblings' birth dates in roman numerals on her ribs and the second is a stylised lance going up the back of her right ankle.

She is an avid runner. She will figuratively and literally run from her problems.

[nataywrites]

Hello, reader. It's been a few days! Life has been busy, but I am ashamed I used that as an excuse not to write. The idea is a daily writing habit, after all. Today, I would like to talk about what I found out yesterday. It is personal, and I will be including a few details that may make some uncomfortable.

Yesterday, I packed myself in the car, drove around the block, and picked up my mother at the corner. Apparently, she was on her way to our abode in order to save time. It was an overcast morning full of birdsong. She put her cane in the back and climbed carefully into the front passenger seat, pulling her legs in slowly. After she buckled her seatbelt, I found directions to the Medical College of Wisconsin, Milwaukee, and began to drive. We live about an hour and a half away and we filled that time with pleasant conversation, reggae music playing quietly in the background.

The roads led us past cornfields and forest that gave way to suburbia, the buildings progressively getting bigger as we got closer to our destination. For two ladies from a rural town, the traffic was a bit scary and the roads confusing. We were, however, on time. I dropped Mom off at the door and parked in the large parking structure attached to the hospital. This was only our second time there, and I thought my doctor was in the gastroenterology department. She was in an entirely different wing!

We followed the signs for the Cancer Center. That wing of the building overlooks a pond that rests just across the road. There were geese rummaging through the grass, heedless of the cars that occasionally rumbled past. The water reflected the damp towel clouds above.

After checking in and the usual formalities, we were escorted into an exam room with two chairs, an exam table, and a low-droning machine with a monitor in the corner. The nurse checked my weight and vitals and handed me an enema in a box. I had never done this before, but I dutifully took the bottle with me to the bathroom and did the deed. Walking back to the room, Mom smiled up at me encouragingly and squeezed my hand. I sat next to her and waited; waiting usually involves a lot of crossing and uncrossing my legs so that I can cross them the other way, slouching and then sitting up straight, bouncing my leg, resting my elbows on my knees so my hands can prop up my chin, finger wiggling, and a lot of sighs that imply more contemplation than impatience. If there is one thing my mother taught me especially well, it is the art of patience. Luckily, we didn't have to wait long.

Due to my lateness, the doctor was ready for us not long after I came back from the bathroom. She and her assistant instructed me to pull my pants down past my knees and lay on the exam table, knees tucked up to my chest. She put on gloves and probed my rectum with a scope. She was looking for tumors, but, thankfully, all she found were polyps. She found a lot of them, all different sizes and pink, like the inside of a cheek. (You might remark that this is, sort of, the inside of a cheek, and you would be right.)

If you are wondering why I needed a rectal exam, (I am certain you are) I have Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (FAP), which is a hereditary disorder that occurs from a change or deletion of the fifth chromosome. It means that I may develop hundreds to thousands of adenomatous polyps, a kind of polyp that can become cancerous. I am also at a slightly higher risk of other cancers, such as thyroid or stomach cancers.

When the doctor was done with my exam, she helped me up and allowed me time to put myself together before beckoning me into the consultation room across the hall. When we were all seated, she explained what needed to happen to reduce my chances of cancer. My whole colon will need to be removed, and the small intestine will be fashioned into a reservoir called a J-Pouch, which will function similarly to my rectum. Since my colonoscopy isn't until next month, we are waiting until the results come in before we discuss things further. If everything goes as planned, I can have my colon removed as soon as the middle of October.

If you are wondering what I think of it all, then I will just say that I intend to rely on the wisdom of my surgeon. Logically, I know what must be done. Emotionally, my mind has not caught up yet, and it may be some days before I finally see an emotional reaction. I looked at myself in the mirror and imagined myself with a stoma bag and a scar, yet it all seems too surreal to fully put into picture. All I can hope for is that I can rely on my family and friends during all of this because I am scared. I can't feel it yet, but I am.

Thank you for reading this really long and detailed ramble. I hope your day is as beautiful as you are.

Love,

Natay

[callmemana]

Whiskey Bottles & Wild Flowers: Meet TK Pruitt & Chloe McKinley

TK Pruitt & Chloe McKinley met when they started college and lived in a co-ed building. TK went for engineering and Chloe for nursing. It’s strange and we still have no idea how those two majors ended up being in the same building.

Anyway, TK took the wrong turn to his class and ended up running into Chloe. They said their ‘sorries’ and then went on their ways. The next time they meet, it was at lunch. Chloe was in line, getting ready to get a tray, when TK came in and walked straight into the line, cutting her in line. She told him off, they laughed and talked afterwards. They ended up being friends and hanging out together before and after class.

After two semesters of college, TK dropped out, but would still make the drive to see Chloe during the weekend. They ended up getting together later that year. When Chloe and TK talked about the future, TK just knew she was it for him. A couple of years later He gave her a promise ring and told her once she’s down and out of school, he’d marry her. They were prefect together. TK, being the ever-loving country kid he is, loved fishing and getting dirty as a boy does, and as it turns out, so did she. Chloe had a girly side, but did enjoy the occasional getting dirty on the country side.

TK, is as his family would describe him, ‘the dumbest smart person you know’ He was super smart and a quick learner, but he would make just stupid ass decisions. TK is a serious person, but will let loose when needed. He didn’t like to show his love, unless it was to Chloe. He also didn’t have the greatest relationship with his younger sisters, Baylie & Amanda.

In his childhood, TK did a lot of activities. He played baseball, football, basketball, showed hogs, hunted, fished. You’d think the boy would be tired of doing all of these plus ranch work, but never was. He also was out a lot with friends in cornfields or basements having a party. He changed a lot when Chloe bumped into him.

Chloe had a little bit different childhood from her fiancé. She had three older brothers who were always fighting with each other and playing pranks, so she understood the hardships of Duck & Cricket faced with their brother. All three girls are best friends and hang out all of the time when TK isn’t attached to her hip. She also did a lot of things a father would do with his sons, hunting & fishing, to name a few. Chloe had a bad relationship with her mother, so she was closer to her dad.

When Chloe’s dad got sick when she was a teen and watched him lay in bed wilting away, she decided to become a nurse. So that she can help others who went through what she did. When Chloe went to college for nursing, she was determined to get it done and start her career. It was like fate when she ran into TK in the hall. She couldn’t be more in love than when she met TK.

TK and Chloe live at the ranch as of right now until he can save up for their own farm house. She works at the local hospital, while TK works at a warehouse. When they’re not too tired from work, they also help on the ranch. Chloe would love nothing more than to join the always interesting and lively Pruitt family.

Forever 🏷️list: @bayisdying @mrsjaderogers @dragon-kazansky @sweetlittlegingy @switchbladedreamz

🏷️list: @luckyladycreator2 @lisedanie

[clodpid]

Love Thy Neighbour Chapter 5

Coming away from her interview, Ruth was feeling quietly confident. The three-person panel had grilled her for over thirty minutes on key nursing competencies and had raked over her qualifications with a fine-tooth comb. Ruth knew the drill from her previous interviews with American hospitals. With nearly fifteen years nursing experience in both Ireland and the US, Ruth knew that she was a highly skilled nurse, with the right skillset for this role. Now, having given the best interview that she could, it was out of her hands.

Back in the lobby, Ruth paused to slip out of her jacket and roll up her sleeves. Feeling more comfortable, she wandered through the foyer, hoping to spot a coffee shop or vending machine. Amid the many people, she thought she saw a familiar face, so Ruth walked a little closer. Trying not to be too obvious, she focused on the person. Just as she realised that she did indeed know the person, they looked up and recognised her too. They stood to greet their friend with a warm embrace.

“Ruth O’Neill! As I live and breathe! How are you?”

“Hey Laura. I am good. Looking for a job here. I just had an interview. All going well, we might be working together again soon.”

“Was that for the charge nurse position in neuro? You’d be a good fit for that position and God knows that we could be doing with a good manager up there. At the moment, it’s bedlam. Our manager retired last month and we’ve been rotating the job. But really, there’s no-one who has good enough organisational or leadership skills.”

“Oh really?”, Ruth asked, bouncing her eyebrows playfully. “What about you? You’ve got plenty organisational and leadership skills. Plus, it’s a role you’ve been in before.”

“Well, I did consider it but with Mike being overseas again, the kids need me at home. I just couldn’t take on the extra responsibility right now. Speaking of kids, how’s Lily?”

“Growing like a weed. It’s hard to believe that she’ll be six in a few months. I don’t where that time has gone. How are your boys doing. Chris must be heading off to college soon?”

“Chris is going to be starting at Washington State next fall. He’s going to take sports psychology. Josh and Justin are in their sophomore year. Still scraping through and breaking their teachers’ hearts with the lack of effort and enthusiasm. And Gordie is finishing elementary.”

“They are getting so grown up too. Don’t you ever wish that you could keep them small and sweet forever? Where is Mike deployed to this time?”

“He’s in Syria. He says its his last tour, but he said that last time and the time before that too. So, I’m not holding my breath.” Laura rolled her eyes to show her lack of belief in her husbands pronouncements.

“Hey, do you know where I can get a cup of coffee around her. As Mammy would say, I’m gasping for one.”

“There’s a coffee vendor outside. Go right at the door, towards the ambulance bay.”

“Thanks. Care to join me?”

Laura checked her watch and shook her head. “My breaks just about done but when you start work here, the coffee’s going to be on you! Look over there. See that brunette doctor. That’s the head of neuro, Ame…”.

“Amelia Shepherd. I’ve already met her. She’s my next-door neighbour. Seems nice.”

“She’s a tough cookie but we all love her. She’s a super surgeon and made name for herself on a big deal project to cure Parkinson’s.”

The two watched as Amelia strode confidently and, in Ruth’s opinion, rather sexily, through the lobby and out of the building.

“What’s the deal with her? She married or attached?” Ruth hoped that she wasn’t being too obvious for the second time that day.

Laura smirked knowingly but answered. “She’s single as far as I know. Has been for ages now. She had a thing with a non-binary scientist, but they didn’t work out. Her son’s dad was an orthopaedic surgeon here. He was killed in a terrible accident some years back. I remember her being pretty broken up about it at the time.”

Another check of her watch said Laura had to go so they embraced each other heartily and went their separate ways. Ruth found the coffee cart and was standing at the back of the queue when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned to find Amelia smiling at her.

“Hello again. We have gotta stop meeting like this. People will start talking.”

“For sure. This place is like gossip central. Rumours can go all the way around the hospital like greased lightening. How did your interview go?”

“Pretty good. I’m confident. The head interviewer said that I would know one way or the other in a few days.”

They’d now reached the head of the line. “One iced vanilla latte and what are you having, Amelia?” Her name felt good in her mouth, Ruth thought.

“Oh no! You don’t have to do that Ruth. I can get my own or I can get yours?”

“Not at all, Amelia. This time, it’s on me.”

“Well, thank you. I will also have an iced vanilla latte.” She smiled in gratitude at Ruth. It was a smile that made Ruth’s heart flutter just that little bit faster. She hoped that she wasn’t blushing, at least not too furiously.

With their drinks in hand, the two strolled over to a bench shaded a little by the building itself. They sat down and Amelia sighed contentedly as she draw a cool sip from her cup.

“So, what area do you nurse in, Ruth?”

“Yours as it happens. I bumped into an old nursing buddy who works here. She mentioned that you were the head of neuro. The job I was interviewing for today was for the charge nurse position on the post-surgery neuro ward.”

“What are the odds? It’s crazy! This morning we didn’t know each other and now we are almost a double act.”

Ruth chuckled and Amelia joined her.

“Where are you from? Your accent? Is it Irish?”

“Yes ma-am. Well detected. I am a farmer’s daughter from the Irish midlands. Population of six, maybe seven hundred people and four times as many sheep.”

“What brought you to America?”

“Family drama, I suppose.” Seeing that Amelia was confused, Ruth went on.

“Being gay in a small, rural Irish village wasn’t easy. Everyone knew my business. It was like living in a goldfish bowl. One where not everyone was able to keep their disapproval to themselves. There were comments often passed at me and it got under my skin enough to drive me out of it and into college in Dublin.”

“I never really intended to go to college. It was my idea to stay home and work with Daddy on the farm. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job. Nursing has been an education and it has thought me all I know about people and the way that the world works. Plus, it has been my passport to the world. It’s been good to me and for me.”

“After I graduated, I got a job in Beaumont Hospital. That would be Ireland’s primary neurological centre of excellence. I found my stride there and I enjoyed life in the capital. I was free to be gay and there was no judgement. It was freeing.”

“So, Lily? How did she come to be?”

“In the usual way!”

Amelia gave Ruth a withering look and continued. “You mentioned that you were gay? Are you bisexual?”

“Oh, right yeah. No, I am gay. Lily is not my biological daughter, although I love her like she was. She is my niece. My sister Jenny got herself in trouble when she was barely eighteen. She wasn’t ready to be a mother and Mammy was adamant that she wouldn’t have a termination. So, it was decided that she’d have the baby and put it up for adoption.”

“I shouldn’t have asked. That’s not something that you want to be telling a relative stranger.”

Amelia made to stand but Ruth caught her hand and gently guided her back down.

“I wouldn’t be telling you this stuff if I didn’t want to. Believe me, I am fussy about who I share my secrets with. I think I can trust you with this.”

Amelia looked her in the eye and smiled. “I swear. It’s safe with me.”

“When Lily was born, that plan went out the window. I held her and instantly fell in love with her. I just couldn’t give her away. So, I adopted her as my own and we came to America to make a life of our own.”

“That’s a remarkable thing to do. I don’t think I could do it. Weren’t you afraid?”

“I was terrified. I mean, weren’t you when Scout was born? No-one prepares you for the all nighters, the crying, the endless dirty nappies, and the effective end of your love life. Still, I have no regrets. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t imagine my life without the little madam now.”

“The love consumes you, doesn’t it? Being a mom is the best feeling in the world. There’s just nothing that comes close.”

“That’s right.”

Amelia’s beeper sounded just then. “I need to check this. Sorry to do this to you again.”

Ruth shook her head dismissively. “It’s your job. Go ahead.”

Amelia turned a took a step before turning back. She wore her trademark smirk and Ruth was glad she was sitting as she was certain that it would have made her weak at the knees had she been standing. “So, you said the coffee was on you this time earlier. Do you want to do this again sometime?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, yes. Yes I want to have coffee with you again. If you want too?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to, Ruth.”

“Good. Well, it’s a date. No, not a date. It’s a plan. I meant to say it’s a plan.” There was no escaping the blushing now. Ruth felt her cheeks burning.

“It’s a date.” Amelia turned and headed away leaving a stunned Ruth behind.