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writingwithcolor · 3 years ago

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How to avoid orientalism when taking inspiration from a culture (specifically the early Ottaman Empire) for a fantasy civilization?

Hi guys! I’ve been following WritingWithColour for a while now, and I’ve learned a lot about the scope necessary to represent a culture in a way that isn’t just “reskinning” Protestant yt culture. I’m not sure how to apply those principles to a made up people in a fantasy setting, however.

The specific example I’m working with is an invented culture in a standard magic-and-dragons setting. I really love the textile arts, the food and the highly regimented system of government of the early Ottoman Empire (14-15th century); the various imperial methods of forcibly assimilating conquered peoples, while often cruel, add rich dynamics for storytelling.

My worries are that I will either go too shallow, and end up slapping sambars and fezes on the standard pseudo-European fantasy setting for the aesthetic; or that I will go too detailed, and end up with an unmanageable scope. I don’t want to rewrite the whole history of the Ottoman empire as it might occur in a fantasy world; I also want the freedom to tailor the world as needed, not just add dragons to an existing historical culture.

I apologize if this question is too general! Navigating the line between taking inspiration from a culture and just mining it for exotic details is hard. I really don’t want to be disrespectful or othering!

Thanks!

How to avoid orientalism when taking inspiration from a culture (specifically early Ottoman Empire) for a fantasy civilization

Before we begin: none of the below is excusing the genocides perpetrated by the Ottomans, up to and including the Armenian, Greek, and Assyrian genocides. This is a post about worldbuilding, researching, and examining bias. Bias against the Ottomans is a valid stance to have, especially considering how recent their worst genocides were. I absolutely condemn the Armenian, Greek, and Assyrian genocides and all other genocides perpetrated by the Ottomans, of which there are many.

This post is, instead, about removing fixation from Asian colonialism and showing that colonialism and brutal mass slaughter are not exclusive to any one empire, in order to lower bias when representing an Asian culture and add bias towards European cultures.

That being said, here’s my advice:

Step 1

Spend 5-10-odd years learning about the society, engaging with people from the region on social media, find sources from peoples the group colonized, and look up at least two cultures they engaged with regularly to read those sources

Note: this doesn’t have to be continuous, taking up all your time, just a little bit here, a research book there

Step 2:

Learn about the biases in scholarship and political agendas driving this research both in modern times and historically and adjust your expectations of how accurate the sources are accordingly (this is why you want to find sources from the groups they colonized and cultures they interacted with. But you’ll also have to do this step for them, too)

Again, this doesn’t have to be continuous, taking up all your time, just a little bit here, a research book there

Step 3:

Write and rewrite the story over that same 5-10 year span as you learn more, and use the writing to figure out what you need to learn.

No, the number of years it takes is not a typo.

Welcome to diversity on hard mode!

Research

This is why WWC in general recommends you start in fantasy Europe and diversify populations within the European context. In those cases, yeah you do have to worry about reskinning a bunch of people with white Christian ideals, but you’re also sticking diverse populations in situations where they would’ve been influenced by white Christian society in real life. Having (some) back and forth between the two societies because they actually interact is perfectly normal. You can also have converts, and/or non-European Christian kingdoms (who would have absolutely traded with Europe; see Ethiopia) so not all of your Christian-influenced people are white.

In these situations, you can spend more along the lines of 1 to 3 years because the documentation is there, often in a language you can understand, and it’s a lot easier to find modern scholars doing research on Europe without having to vet all modern scholarship in an unfamiliar country where you have to figure out both historical context and modern bias colouring those contexts.

Because at least in Europe, you can figure out a little easier when something is pushing a really white supremacist, right-wing agenda; most of the red flags in research we know to look for are based off Europe and/or America. (You’ll still need to do a bit of research for modern context in specifically that country, but they’re all in the same family of awful)

But if you’re looking in, say, Turkey, or Egypt, or Saudi Arabia, then you have to: figure out the modern political context driving scholarship, learn red flags you had no idea even existed, and learn the historical bias that clouded the judgements. All the while very few to none of the sources are even in the Roman alphabet so things can and will get garbled in translation, so read at least two to five translations per work. Not to mention you also have to evaluate any English reporting for bias against those countries because Western English media treats Asian countries very badly.

Yup.

It’s hard.

Recommended reading:

If you want to make diversity a little easier on yourself, I’d suggest reading this guide: Crafting a Fantasy Culture, or the fallacies of using culture in the singular

The Ottomans

The Ottomans absolutely interacted with Europe. If you really want to write about a group of Ottomans, then by all means have thriving trade networks between the Ottomans and Europeans (to mirror what existed irl). Make the Ottomans major characters. Don’t fall into the trap of making all the brown people be terrible and so much less complex than the Europeans. (especially since everyone had their own buckets of bigotry thrown in)

The number of European countries that traded with the Ottomans is very long. You can throw a dart at a map of Europe and find a place that traded with the Ottomans. They outlasted most of Europe’s empires. They outlasted a large chunk of Asia’s empires. They were the primary hub of the Silk Road. If you wanted anything from Asia, it was probably going through the Ottoman empire.

(And here’s an example of source bias that might be invisible unless you look: Europeans who wanted direct trade links to India and China would have a vested interest in saying how bad the Ottomans were, because the worse they painted the empire, the more they could justify funding long sailing expeditions “around the world” to try and bypass them; ever notice how so many modern stereotypes around Arab and West Asian trade brokers is “they charge such markups we should get it directly from the country of origin”? Yeah.)

And while you’re at it, find something like the Spanish Inquisition for the brutal colonizing people you are so interested in. Happened at the same time period. You can also begin to unlearn the Muslims-as-uniquely-terrible-invaders from the Spanish vs Moors. Which, should you decide you still want to write a secondary world Ottoman-based fantasy, will long-term help you to avoid a lot of the stereotypes you would have been taught in school. You can also do this by looking at various literature about the Crusades and how absolutely colonialist the English were in those processes.

The Spanish also perpetuated the first large-scale genocide in modern history with the colonization of the Americas, which is suspiciously absent from a lot of talk about empires that perpetuated genocide because those lists are so Old World, happened-within-our-borders heavy; if it happened across an ocean from the colonizers, or otherwise where they tried to “settle” or “trade with”, it gets a different list. This is another example of source bias that is often invisible: the slave trade and North American colonialism are missing from “lists of worst genocides ever.”

Because you are absolutely going to need to trace your logic for why you are attracted to Ottoman colonization instead of, say, English, Portuguese, Dutch, French, or Spanish. Why is non-European colonization the most interesting to you? Why are their methods of colonialism what you grabbed onto? The Ottomans were brutal, yes, but so were the Spanish and Dutch and English, especially at this time period.

This stomping out of diversity existed globally, which meant it absolutely happened in Europe. Do people focus on West/South Asian colonialism it because a few centuries of Christian bias against Muslims has made it that Christian colonialism is discussed in a positive light, but Muslim colonialism is discussed in a negative light?

I don’t know. I’m not saying it’s particularly bad to start from here. It’s where most Christians in the West start from. I am simply pointing out the structure that makes those thoughts, so you can look at the logic and stop seeing Muslim empires as unilaterally so much worse.

Again: the Ottomans were bad. They perpetuated some of the largest-scale genocides in the past 200 years. They perpetuated countless others across their very long history. Ignoring the colonialism that the Ottomans did is revisionist at best and actively destructive at worst.

But European colonial powers were also bad. And the double standards between how European colonialism is treated in fantasy and Asian colonialism is treated in fantasy is what I am speaking to here. Assuming the Ottomans are unique in their genocide and their methods is orientalism.

For an example: the Ottoman empire was a refuge for Jewish people cast out of Europe (especially Spain, during the Inquisition) and tolerated them for a large portion of their history. Yes, they were second class citizens, but being a Jewish second class citizen, religion allowed, was really hard to find at the time. I haven’t looked into it beyond a wikipedia search, but it did happen, and I’d suggest starting any sort of research with this article and its sources: History of the Jews in the Ottoman Empire

Orientalism happens when you start treating Asian cultures as something particularly unique and exotic and strange. As evident by the above, the Ottomans were not particularly unique when it came to how much they colonized. I’m sure if you did more detailed comparisons to who was killing the most for what reason in the same time frame, you’d find some surprises.

I really do strongly suggest, if you want a time period and empire that will be easier to dodge orientalism, the Spanish were doing the same sort of thing at the same time period. The Inquisition was running, they had mass witch-hunts in the rural areas, they were casting out their Jewish and Muslim populations, they were orchestrating genocides in the Americas and mass-enslaving the Indigenous populations in silver mines, and they’re given far too much benefit of the doubt so you won’t be approaching them from a perspective of “oh, look at this brutal place Over There”; you’ll have been taught their justification already.

How this translates to fantasy that isn’t trauma exploitation I am not sure, but feel free to browse the trauma exploitation tag to find out. This is where “sketchy history” (detailed below) will probably be your best friend.

Also, how this translates into not apologizing for the Spanish’s atrocities is something you’re going to have to figure out. It’s the flipside to the fetishization coin: as soon as you’re given a more familiar place that you’re taught one narrative about, you want to justify it. You want to say of course it was only certain extremists, not everyone was that bad. But everyone benefited, didn’t they?

If you want to give more grace to the Spanish than the Ottomans, then sit with that. Examine it. Break it down. Because avoiding orientalism means seeing how much the same different groups are. This goes double if you’re starting to research a culture based off their assumed deadliness.

As I say in the guide, no large area was ever completely homogeneous. As I’ve said in other worldbuilding posts, it was very hard to get rid of groups of people unless you had enough population to replace them, because if you killed and/or cast out a group, you had to provide the extra manpower to fill those positions so society would run. Some degree of multiculturalism is more normal—especially in trade hubs like the Ottoman empire—than homogeneity and subjugation.

(Spain actually did undermine its empire a lot by casting out Muslim and Jewish people; they valued ideological purity over a functional kingdom and suffered for it long-term)

Sketchy History

I would like to point out the all-or-nothing mindset in the reply: you don’t need to rewrite a whole history. You just need to know enough to be able to paint broad strokes historical context.

Does European fantasy rewrite all of Europe’s history to account for magic and dragons? Not usually. It just plops a very well known time period down, says “this is how it is like”, and readers nod along because yeah sure of course this period looks like this.

The goal is to get yourself to the point you can feel comfortable broad-strokes painting whatever period you’ve looked at most heavily, have some sense of what major pieces made that period look the way it does, and then write with all the dragons and magic and other stuff with really sketchy handwriting.

It’s fantasy! It doesn’t need to have a few thousand years of history built into the plot. You can absolutely just sketch it in the fantasy context.

But you as an author need to broadly know, okay, the Ottomans came from the fringes of the (Christian) Byzantine empire, and built off a lot of Roman/Byzantine scholarship; they fostered some of the Islamic Golden Age so they would’ve been on the cutting edge of science and medicine for a decent chunk of their early history; they were a major trade hub and would have been extremely cosmopolitan; they had Mughals and various Khanates (Golden Hoard and/or the Chagatai Khanate, I think, for the time period) and the Holy Roman Empire as neighbours. They sat on a critical portion of the Silk Road and would have absolutely controlled trade between Europe and Asia.

Even if you never deep-dive into any of these avenues, you still need to have some idea about them. What does it mean that they were sitting on the Silk Road? It meant everyone and anyone trading across Eurasia would have gone through them, so they’d be pretty wealthy and used to travellers. What did it mean that they had Byzantine territory? It meant they were building off centuries of scholarship starting from Greece and had one of the best libraries in the world in their empire. What did it mean they had the Mughals and various Khanates right there? First gunpowder using empires and they would absolutely take notes.

You get the gist.

But in order to really get a solid deep dive to work beyond your biases and learn enough about others’ biases in your research, it’s definitely going to take years. You are, after all, starting from the negative because you’d been taught the Ottomans were terrible bad people who took over everything and kept threatening Good Christian Europe. You probably weren’t taught about their scholarship, or trade, or the fact they took in Jewish refugees, or any nuance between rules where some were more tolerant and others were more brutal.

You’re going to need to learn a lot of that.

Non-Orientalist secondary world fantasy is a marathon, not a sprint. If you want to just write the story with dragons and colonizers and play with that, the Holy Roman Empire, Spain, France, and England are right there. Look up the non-European populations that lived there, look up how they survived when Christianity was pressing in from all sides, look at what made them tolerated or even celebrated.

You can unlearn orientalism in baby steps. Nothing wrong with that.

And if you really want to write that Ottoman secondary world fantasy? Invest the time to get it right.

~ Mod Lesya

P.S.- I’d suggest looking at resources like Rulers Who Were Actually Good by Overly Sarcastic Productions. It’s a video that breaks down how:

1- rulers in general are people who have a whole lot of bloodshed on their hands because they ordered it, so none of the rulers in history are actually that good when it comes to what they do

2- how the Europe/Asia divide can demonize rulers in Western literature because of political bias and how our English sources get constructed

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the-lone-witch-and-secret-room · 3 years ago

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Camila Noceda and Flawed Parenting

A perspective by a flawed person with loving but extremely flawed parents

I’m genuinely baffled at some people’s hostile reaction towards Camila. Like… do any of you have flawless parents that always know the best solution instantly, make no mistakes and never get emotional?

My parents are great. They’re super supportive and I love them very, very much. Overall I think I got very lucky in the parents department.

But god, they are far from flawless. I still live at home, and despite all the good, there’s moments when I can’t take my dad anymore. He’s the kind of dad that stayed up until two am to help me with homework when I was in school, and he does so, so many things to make sure I’m happy. I know that. But despite all of this, I have told my mom in emotional moments before that I’m not sure if I can keep living with him, because for all his good sides, he has a couple of fatal flaws that sometimes make him unbearable.

My mom listens to me and is very open to being educated on certain topics, but she has her flaws, too. She hates when I fight with my dad, and gets so torn up about it that I’ve once apologized to my dad out of fear of her getting into a car crash otherwise. She’s very vocal about certain flaws of mine, and sometimes uses the things she does for me as leverage against me when she gets very emotional.

And both of my parents pay a lot more attention to my brother because he needs it more, because he’s more of a “problem child” while I “seem so capable” even when I’m not.

And guess what? I’m not a perfect child. I make mistakes sometimes, some of them pretty severe. Just like Luz, I’m the kind of person that struggles to communicate certain issues of mine to her parents. I’m stubborn, and when I get emotional, I say very hurtful things sometimes. So do they.

And this has nothing to do with my parents being horrible or abusive. They’re neither of those things.

The takeaway from this should not be that my entire family is made up of terrible people, but that we’re all flawed in our own ways, despite loving each other and trying our best. There’s things about my parents I wish I could change, and there are things about me that my parents wish they could change. And to an extent, that’s perfectly normal.

In our strengths and flaws and frustration with each other, we’re all human.

Specific, spoiler-y Camila and Luz things under the cut since this got very long.

We have no indication that Camila has a pattern of emotionally manipulating Luz. Her “emotional manipulation” as I’ve seen some people put it, is people for some reason thinking that the second you become an adult, you’re suddenly perfect and can no longer make mistakes, lest you’ll be dubbed horrible and abusive.

The whole concept is absurd to me. There is no perfect way to parent. There simply isn’t. Of course, there’s some genuinely abusive patterns that are horrible and inexcusable. But out of the parenting styles that aren’t, which one works depends on a number of factors, one of which absolutely includes that every child is different and has different needs. Camila is an amazing parent for Vee, giving the kid everything she’s ever longed for. She’s not an ideal parent for Luz. And that’s because Luz and Vee have fundamentally different needs.

Likewise, Luz is a pretty great child for Eda, but not a perfect fit for Camila. Luz relates to Eda a lot more than she relates to her mom, and that’s why the two of them have an easier time understanding each other. Both of these mother-child relationships exist, and one is not more doomed to fail than the other, but I think you’ll agree that the better you understand someone and where they’re coming from, the easier it is to communicate, pick up on certain signs, etc.

As mom and daughter, Camila and Luz are both flawed and have issues seeing the other’s perspective because of how different they are. And we should simultaneously acknowledge both of their roles in the issue and give both of them the space to learn and grow past those issues.

Luz struggles to communicate her problems. She doesn’t want to burden people in the demon realm, and it’s a given that this started out as not wanting to burden her mom. So she keeps quiet about her issues. Camila tries hard but can’t read her daughter’s mind, so there’s only so much she can do to understand and help the way Luz needs her to. Hell, Eda, who Luz is a lot more open with than her mom, struggles to help her, because Luz doesn’t tell her what’s wrong. I don’t see anyone calling Eda a terrible mom for that.

Camila tries her best, but she struggles to understand her daughter because of this, and because of how fundamentally different they are. She loves Luz’s creativity, we actively see her supporting it in the new episode—she keeps the weird stuff Luz made because she thinks Luz will regret throwing it away, and even plays along in what she assumes to be some elaborate role play because “she’s glad Luz kept her creativity even though it’s not made things easy for her at school”. But at the beginning of the show, said creativity got out of hand and people got hurt. Luz could’ve gotten hurt. So of course Camila had to interfere. I love Luz dearly, but she thought it was okay to bring snakes to school and set off fireworks inside a school building. Creativity is great. Doing reckless stuff that causes people to get hurt is not.

In sending Luz to camp, Camila tried to have someone else fix her issue because she didn’t know how to help Luz. That was a mistake, and a bad one at that, but she’s realizing that. She looks disheartened when Vee tries to throw out Luz’s stuff, because she never meant to change her daughter or take that part of her away. She just thought Luz needed a reality check—which, for the record, is something the narrative actually agrees with.

Luz spends her time in the demon realm getting reality check after reality check, realizing that even her ideal fantasy world where she has everything she always wanted doesn’t mean she’s free of consequences. She goes overboard constantly, causing:

-Eda to be forced to fly into a trap because Luz is chasing a fantasy (Witches before Wizards)

-Eda to almost be branded by her sister because Luz doesn’t think through why Eda doesn’t use magic to publicly announce her presence constantly (Once Upon a Swap)

-Eda and the twins to get kidnapped by a Slitherbeast because Luz stole Amity’s wand (Adventures in the Elements)

-Her friends to get hurt when she goes overboard trying to help Willow (Wing it like Witches)

-Eda to be captured and almost petrified because Luz thought she could just steal from the Emperor with no consequences in an attempt to help (Agony of a Witch)

I’m like 90% sure these aren’t even all. None of those make her a terrible person, for the record, but as all humans are, she is flawed and makes bad choices. She learns from these experiences and matures, just like her mom had hoped she would at camp. She’s also made friends there, which was another thing Camila wanted for her daughter.

You’ll probably realize that a lot of Luz’s behaviors I mentioned follow one of two patterns: 1. Luz’s idealized fantasy world causing problems, when she walks around with rose tinted glasses and gets people in trouble in the process because she hasn’t thought about the consequences, and 2. Luz trying to help someone she loves, but instead making things worse in the progress. The issue with this one is often that she doesn’t communicate her ideas/listen to the people she’s trying to help—like when Willow and Gus said they’ve had enough of Grudgby, or how she never actually talks to Eda about the healing hat idea before doing something reckless.

…does the latter one sound familiar to you at all? No? Because it’s the exact same thing that Camila did.

Some of the things Luz does are reckless and actively endanger others and herself, and that’s something that I think we need to acknowledge before judging Camila. As Luz’s mom, it’s Camila’s job to interfere in those situations. That she made a mistake while trying to protect Luz doesn’t make her a terrible person, especially as, again, the narrative proves her right to an extent.

I’m not saying her making Luz promise to come back and stay isn’t something that hurt Luz—it absolutely is. But it was born out of desperation. She’s emotional and in shock. She’s so full of pain and regret. She just wants her fourteen year old daughter home safe, and there’s nothing abusive or even morally ambiguous about that.

From Luz’s perspective, what she says is absolutely heartbreaking, but from Camila’s, it’s perfectly reasonable. I doubt Camila has the full picture, but even if she does, she’s had a full fifteen seconds to process that her daughter has not only been lying to her for months, but chose to leave her, and is in the demon realm of all places. Of course she’d be emotional and upset about that! Who wouldn’t? Camila isn’t a robot. If she’d been calm about this I’d be way more concerned, honestly.

My parents don’t get mad that easily, but if I would lie to them for weeks on end, they’d be pissed off too, not even taking the running away from home part into account. That’s a normal thing. People don’t like being lied to. Camila is absolutely devastated in that moment because she’s scared that Luz left because she hates her, when Luz actively states that her leaving wasn’t about her mom—which is another thing we should really be acknowledging.

Abusive parents suck and abuse should obviously never be apologized or trivialized, but saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment isn’t the same thing as being an abusive parent. My parents have done this. I’ve done this. And yes, those things can be emotionally manipulative, but there’s a huge difference in whether that’s a habit or a person speaking out of hurt and desperation in a very specific context. I doubt there’s anyone on the entire planet that hasn’t had a bad moment where they’ve said something like this because they were hurting. People lash out when they hurt, and they beg for reassurance when they’re scared. That’s something we all do.

The whole mindset of “all parents have to be perfect and can never get upset or make any mistakes” is harmful as hell, and honestly also very unrealistic. No parent is perfect, and especially people like me who have a relationship with their parents that’s very good overall should know that.

Once you have a child, parenting is a non-stop learning process, every day for the rest of your life. Taking away that room to grow and expecting perfection isn’t helping anyone, especially not struggling single parents.

And I see Camila as someone who is very willing to learn, because at the end of the day, all she wants is for Luz to be happy. Let’s give her some time to wrap her head around this whole situation. Let’s see what she says once she sees for herself how happy Luz is in that world, may it be via the videos eventually coming through or Camila visiting and meeting Luz’s found family, her friends and her girlfriend.

Ultimately, I don’t think Camila will force Luz to stay at home, but we have to give her some time. She wants what’s best for Luz, and she’s gonna need some convincing that a dangerous magical world is what’s best. I feel like that’s very normal considering the circumstances.

Her and Luz need to work on their communication on both ends, they both have things to learn, but I’m certain they’ll manage to fix their relationship in the long run.

If the bunk bed is any indication, I think Vee is gonna stay in the human realm permanently while Luz sleeps at home but keeps attending Hexside in the daytime. That feels like a solution that keeps everyone happy, and allows Luz to spend time with all the people she loves. I can’t see her being forced to choose at the end.

As a closing statement: Eda isn’t an ideal mom, Amity isn’t an ideal friend or girlfriend and neither is Luz, Lilith isn’t an ideal sister… but that’s because no one is ever an ideal anything. Being flawed is a big part of being human. Everyone has different facets to their personality. Their flaws are what makes them such great, relatable, believable characters.

And I feel the same way about Camila. She’s an extremely believable character that reminds me of my own parents, flawed but very loving nonetheless.

(Also honestly, I think it’s pretty telling that some of you guys immediately bash the black single mom that’s obviously trying her hardest while giving the benefit of the doubt to Alador, who has been portrayed as neglecting and threatened his six year old daughter on screen. This was already a thing before we knew much about either of them, and I’m disappointed but unfortunately not very surprised that it still is.)

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olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

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Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

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azucanela · 4 years ago

Text

SKIN DEEP DECEPTION

PAIRING: TSUKISHIMA KEI X READER [SOULMATE AU]

SUMMARY: In a world where the number of lies your soulmate tells each day is written in your wrist, Y/N has found that her soulmate has two moods. No lies, or dozens at a time.

WARNINGS: CURSE WORDS (WH*RE). ANGST. MILD VIOLENCE.

WORD COUNT: 4K.

A/N: happy anniversary? marriage? engagement? @bbykutos <3 this is my first time writing an au so pls lmk how i did and uhhh idk i feel like this is bad

HAIKYUU!! MASTERLIST

IN A WORLD FILLED WITH LIES only one person knew when you were really telling the truth. That person being your soulmate. Though it’s not always a lover, that tended to be the most common occurrence when it came to soulmates. The whole point of soulmates had been to have someone perfect for you, though this wasn’t always the case of course.

Growing up, Y/N had always viewed soulmates as a false ideal, a distant fantasy, though the number on her wrist was confirmation enough that soulmates existed— that didn’t mean they were truly meant to be.

She’d learnt that the hard way.

At times, kids would find their soulmates in their first year of school; which normally went either really well or really poorly. Others in high school, college, some mundane moment at a coffee shop or a more dramatic one at one of the biggest moments of their lives. Sometimes it was romantic, other times it was chaotic, or just plain dull. Most of the times finding your soulmate meant catching them in the midst of a lie... several times. Sometimes people found love, an enemy, or... they just found their soulmate.

Y/N wasn’t the only person who’d become rather apathetic towards the whole idea, though there was no denying the small part of her— in the back of her mind, the part she’d tried so hard to bury— that hoped, that wished, that dreamed of a soulmate who cared for her.

And yet, even her own parents were an example of this false ideal.

Not that it mattered, seeing as she was yet to meet her soulmate. There was no reason to dwell on it, that had become abundantly clear to Y/N, and yet here she was, allowing her mind to wander as she stared— maybe even glared— at her wrist in class.

“I need to use the restroom.”

The word’s pull her out of her daze, eyes rising back up to the board where her teacher stands— smile on her face as she replies, “of course! Go on ahead.” Y/N’s eyes trail over to the student in question, the blonde boy seated beside her, Tsukishima Kei. She was familiar with him seeing as they’d gone to the same middle school. He also happened to be the class’ star pupil due to his stellar intellect.

With a frown, Y/N exhales deeply and looks back down only to come face to face with the number on her wrist having increased by one.

1 lie so far today, huh.

Most days Y/N had found that the lies didn’t start piling up until the afternoon, other times there were slim to none, and assuming they were in high school as well— what were they lying about. It truly left her baffled at what in the world they could be saying. Aside from this curiosity, the thought of her soulmate returned to the back of her mind as a hand tapped her shoulder, drawing her out of her thoughts once more.

A green haired boy stands beside her— she recognizes him, Yamaguchi Tadashi. They’d been friends in middle school and remained so when they’d entered high school, though they weren’t as close as they used to be, Yamaguchi had tried and failed to keep it that way.

The bitter memories resurface, though Y/N simply pushes them to the back of her mind alongside all the over thoughts she doesn’t want to address as she turns to Yamaguchi with a smile, “hey Yamaguchi, what’s up?”

He offers her a nervous smile, eyes flickering across the room before returning to her before he replies, “I was wondering if you wanted to be in my group?”

Tilting her head at him, a small laugh escapes Y/N as she asks, “group?”

For a moment Yamaguchi’s brows furrow, though his eyes drift towards her single rolled up sleeve, the number one displayed on it, “oh! We have a group project for the next few weeks.” Comes his response.

“Project...” Y/N mumbles out, eyes scanning the room as she watches people enter clusters of three, talking and writing things down in their journal— even exchanging numbers. “Right.”

She had a feeling that Tsukishima’s sunny disposition hadn’t done them any favors when it came to getting other members to join their group projects. Coupled with Yamaguchi’s need to end all conflict between his friends.

That must be how they ended up here.

Opening her mouth to speak, Y/N quickly shut it as she searched for the right words, bringing an arm to the back of her neck as she scratched it awkwardly. “I just don’t know if that would be the best idea—”

“If what would be the best idea?” Behind Yamaguchi comes Tsukishima, hands shoved into his pockets as he looks between them.

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Y/N looks away, brows furrowing as memories begin to surface. Seeing as the last time they’d interacted, Tsukishima had elected to use some... crude words. Well, Y/N had expected awkwardness when they inevitably spoke to each other once more, and the fact that he seemed to unfazed left her wanting to wipe the smirk off his face.

Preferably in a violent way.

Yamaguchi seems to answer for her as he replies, “well I was thinking since we need groups of three, Y/N would just join us.” Yamaguchi looks between the pair before saying, “like old times.”

Y/N wants to gag.

Moving to stand, she offers Yamaguchi a tight lipped smile, “I’ll probably join a different group but—”

“There are no other groups.” Tsukishima interrupts, though there’s no emotion in his words, as though he’s simply stating a fact. Because clearly, he doesn’t care.

Inhaling deeply, Y/N nods slowly, looking between the both of them before saying, “well you both have my number.” The bell rings, and Y/N can’t help but let out a sigh of relief as she continues, “text me about the project whenever.” Before immediately grabbing her bag from beside her desk and swinging it over her shoulder.

Tsukishima is watching as she leaves, a sigh escaping him as he adjusts his glasses before turning to Yamaguchi, “you’ll need to make a group chat.”

“Why?” He asks, brows furrowing as he pulls at his phone to do so regardless, fingers typing away at the screen.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Tsukishima shrugs, “she has me blocked.”

Yamaguchi pauses his typing, sighing. Though he doesn’t look up at Tsukishima as he replies, “Of course she does— well I would too.” Yamaguchi exhales deeply, “you should apologize to her.”

It had always been a touchy subject in their friendship, the way that Tsukishima had elected to end— more accurately, ruin — his friendship with Y/N. Though Yamaguchi wasn’t there to hear what he’d said himself, he’d heard it had been pretty bad from others. After all, Tsukishima had received his first, second and third punch to the face that day.

It was deserved.

“Yeah.” Comes his reply, shoving his hands back into his pockets.

In an attempt to combat the uncomfortable silence between them, Yamaguchi asks, “so where’d you go?”

A smirk breaks out on Tsukishima’s face, “not the bathroom that’s for sure.”

THE NEXT TIME TSUKISHIMA KEI TEXTS Y/N, the message actually goes through. For some reason he can’t bring himself to delete the ones that came before, the apologies from a year prior followed by his messages of realization that she had blocked him.

Maybe it was the fact that his pride had taken a blow or maybe it was the fact that he didn’t want to know if he was forgivable, Tsukishima had never made any attempts to apologize fact to face.

Actually, that’s a lie, he had. But he had chickened out last minute, the panic flooding his veins as he was faced with a situation almost identical to the one that had gotten him into the mess. Seeing her alongside the very person who had punched him in the face that day— well, the first person who had that is— a broad smile on her face.

And who was he to ruin that. Did he even want to know what she’d say? Would she call him ridiculous, a fool for even thinking an apology could mend anything between him?

Would hearing her voice one more time, even if it was just riddled with insults, be enough for closure? He’d done this to himself Tsukishima was well aware but that didn’t make him any less upset at the fact that he’d lost his best friend.

He shakes his head, trying to get rid of those memories as he stares at the message, a simple:

hey, it’s tsukishima.

He was fairly sure that not only had he been blocked he had also had his number deleted, so starting with an introduction seemed right.

we’re meeting at my house tmrw after school. yamaguchi and i have volleyball practice, you can wait for us at the gym or just head over to my house i dont care.

There are so many implications to the message and they all leave Y/N’s head spinning, or maybe she was reading into it. She wasn’t sure at this point, but it was clear that Tsukishima was well aware that she still had the key to his front door.

Y/N elected to show up to volleyball practice rather than face his mother alone.

Stepping into the gym, the sound of shows scrapping against the floor, and volleyballs hitting the ground at an almost rapid pace as people moved around the courts just as quickly.

Y/N scrunches up her nose as she’s hit with the smell of sweat, something to be expected in a gym of course, lips pressing together into a straight line as she steps further into the gym and looks to her left. There stands another girl, albeit slightly intimidating but she looked far more approachable than the other people around the gym

“Excuse me?”

She turns, brows furrowing slightly at the sight of Y/N before offering her a smile and asking, “hey. How can I help you?”

Smiling back— albeit awkwardly— Y/N replies, “I’m waiting for someone,” Y/N quickly realizes that isn’t much information as she adds, “someone in this club. Actually, two people— that’s beside the point. Is there anywhere I can just sit, until the end?”

Once more her brows furrow, “our practices tend to go on pretty long, especially since some of the boys like extra work and we have a few practice games coming up.” Shaking her head slightly, the girl gestures to the bench beside her, “you can sit here with me, I’m Kiyoko by the way.”

“So who are you waiting for?”

“Oh, uh... Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

Y/N finds herself coming by the gym more often after that day, although it isn’t because she has to walk back to Tsukishima’s house after with him and Yamaguchi, it’s because she finds herself enjoying Kiyoko’s presence. She’s a quiet girl, but she’s rather witty behind the scenes, and certainly and entertaining and fun person. And so were the other boys in the club.

They’d quickly become intrigued by the presence of another girl and—

“Another female manager? Nice!”

“Another manager? Why?”

“Kiyoko are you leaving us!?”

Okay so maybe Y/N had inadvertently joined the Boy’s Volleyball Club, but she really had nothing better to do with her time, much less with all the time she had between school and when the practice ended, allowing Tsukishima to go home with Yamaguchi and Y/N. But it’s not like it wouldn’t be over soon, right? The groups would only last two weeks and then Y/N would be free of her old— or more accurately, ex-friend.

Wrong, the groups became permanent. For the rest of year the students have to use them, for every single group project. Leaving Y/N to dread the class each time she entered due to the burning anticipation of a possible group project. Though Yamaguchi had made several attempts to approach Y/N since their last project ended just a few weeks prior, going as far as ditching Tsukishima entirely to sit with her at lunch some days.

Y/N entertained him, it’s not like she wanted to be rude or anything— not to Yamaguchi that is, he hadn’t done anything wrong. He hadn’t been the one to randomly explode and call her a variety of... colorful words upon finding her with a friend last year.

Neither Y/N nor Yamaguchi bring it up of course, how Tsukishima had driven her away with his crude words that she never expected would ever be directed towards her.

But...

“We’ll be having another group project for the next two weeks!”

The conversation was inevitable.

Y/N nearly rams her head into her desk as she sighs, eyes drifting upwards towards the ceiling as though that would solve any of her current problems, before looking back to Tsukishima with a rather sarcastic smile that he returns with one of his own. Yamaguchi on the other hand, is waving rather enthusiastically from his seat in the classroom, beaming.

It’s not like it was a bad group. They got things done, and when grades were returned, they were good. It’s just that Tsukishima was... Tsukishima. And as annoying and rude as he was, Y/N couldn’t help but feel more annoyed with herself because she still couldn’t find it in herself to hate him.

Backpack slung over her shoulder, Y/N exhales deeply as she looks back at Yamaguchi who remains at his porch, “make sure she gets home safe, Tsukki!”

“That’s really not necessary, Yams.” She assures, giving him a pointed look when Tsukishima turns around with a disinterested shrug. But of course. the boy waves her off, simply shoving her forwards with Tsukki, offering her a thumbs up and a smile.

Y/N simply turns around and follows Tsukishima with a scowl, quickly moving ahead of him as she tugs her backpack strap tighter onto her shoulder.

Tsukishima is rolling his eyes as she moves ahead of him, “how am I supposed to stop you from getting kidnapped when you’re a mile ahead of me?” He calls out to her, maintaining his pace. Y/N doesn’t reply, continuing on ahead, “Y/N.” He repeats, “Y/N.” Once more, she ignores him, until she hears his steps pick up behind her, a hand wrapping around her wrist and stopping her movements.

“Yes Kei?” She exclaims in annoyance, turning back to him. Only for her mouth to gape open as she grimaces, “Tsukishima. I mean.”

He exhales deeply, looking away momentarily before saying, “I’m sorry.”

So, Y/N laughs. “Wow. Tsukishima Kei swallowing his pride to apologize? Impressive.” Tsukishima opens his mouth to reply, only for Y/N to speak first and say, “I hate you.” Before tearing her arm out of his grasp and stepping ahead once more.

Y/N isn’t looking at him as he replies, “no you don’t.”

And Tsukishima would’ve believed had he not looked to his wrist, the number rising with each insult Y/N spewed. Though there was no denying that he deserved it, but that didn’t stop the grimace that came on his face before he asked, “you done?”

WHEN TSUKISHIMA FOUND OUT Y/N WAS HIS SOULMATE, it did not end well. He wasn’t really sure if he had a plan that day, but if he did it went out the window once he saw her with one of her friends from another school. Though Tsukishima had never met the boy in question, it didn’t take long for him to realize that Y/N liked him, whether that was platonic or not it didn’t matter. Because watching her laugh along with him in the convenience store only served as a reminder that there were people better than him.

Tsukishima had never considered himself insecure per se, much less an over thinker or anything of the sort. But the simple fact of the matter was, Y/N didn’t want him, she was stuck with him as his soulmate.

And though she was blissfully unaware of this fact, why did that need to change?

Perhaps she could be happier with that boy, with anyone other than him. Tsukishima had known Y/N for years and though he would never admit it, he respected her, he cared for her, long before he’d discovered they were soulmates. And prior to his discovery he’d always found the system idiotic, so why did his mindset have to change?

It was a bitter ideology, and a jealous and foolish reaction that put him in the place he’s in today. Though Tsukishima was fairly sure it only proved his point, that she deserved better, that didn’t make him any more remorseful of their friendship.

He’d nearly told her several times, like the blunt and straightforward person he is, Tsukishima had almost stopped her in the halls of school and simply said— “surprise! We’re soulmates. Sorry about calling you a whore and all, I was just jealous and bitter because I realized there are people out there better for you and somehow you got stuck with me!”

Yeah, that would’ve blown over real well. Tsukishima was fairly sure he would’ve received an addition hit to the face from her and Yamaguchi, again.

Yamaguchi was not happy when he found out about the convenience store incident. At all.

Tsukishima couldn’t recount many times when he was scared of Yamaguchi Tadashi, until his fist was flying towards his face. Of course, he laughed it off, wiping the blood from his nose, but that didn’t make it a fun experience by any means.

Now, Tsukishima was just trying to amend things, slightly. It’s not like Y/N owed him any of her time, and it’s not like she needed to know that they were soulmates.

It would be better off that way for the both of them, or at least, that’s what Tsukishima told himself— much to Yamaguchi’s dismay. The boy had been urging Tsukishima to just tell her the truth, for a while now, to no avail. And when Tsukishima returned to class one day having discovered he would be in a group with her and Yamaguchi, well he couldn’t help but thing Yamaguchi was scheming.

But looking up to Yamaguchi and Y/N, who are seated at the table of some café Y/N had insisted on coming to, Tsukishima can’t help but think it was worth it.

No, she didn’t need to know.

And so, against her better judgement, Y/N had allowed things to return to normal. The same weekly hangouts they once had becoming daily because of volleyball practice each day, forcing Yamaguchi, Tsukishima and Y/N together for even longer periods of time. Walks homes becoming progressively longer as they all speak amongst themselves— or more accurately, Y/N and Yamaguchi speak. Then again, Tsukishima had always been more of the quiet kind unless he had something witty to add on.

This revival of friendship meant the return of the late night calls as well, of course. Albeit, most of them filled with a comfortable silence that Y/N finds herself relishing in a she lays in bed, eyes glued to the time shining in the corner of her phone screen.

11:52PM.

Inhaling deeply, Y/N rolls over on her bed, tugging at her sleeve to pull it down and reveal the counter on her wrist. There have been a few lies today, though there hadn’t been any in the past few hours. In recent months the number had been fluctuating more which Y/N found... odd.

Tsukishima seems to notice her shift in mood, though he doesn’t look up from his work as he asks, “what is it?” When Y/N doesn’t respond, he simply repeats himself, asking, “what’s wrong?

Y/N’s brows furrow as she huffs, bringing her arm back down and pushing herself up on her bed using her elbows before replying, “what do you mean?”

“The dramatic sigh.” Comes his reply, eyes still glued to the page in front of him as the sound of his pen moving against the paper fills his room.

Y/N looks to him on the screen incredulously as she scoffs, “it was not a dramatic sigh.”

A pause on his part as he looks down before replying, “I don’t even think you believe that Y/N.” He responds, rolling his eyes before adjusting his glasses at the bridge of his nose.

Sometimes Y/N wondered how he’d always been able to do that, read her like a book. Was she truly that predictable? Grimacing, Y/N brushes away the thought, “nothing is wrong?” Her response sounds more like a question, leaving her cringing at her inability to lie.

Tsukishima raises a brow as he dryly responds, “that was convincing.”

Y/N just sighs again, eyes drifting to her wrist once more— the counter now reset to zero as the day starts anew— as she pauses, wondering if the conversation would be worth it.

“Do you ever think of you soulmate, Tsukishima?”

His pen stops, and if Y/N was looking at the screen rather than her wrist, she would’ve seen the way he straightened in his seat as he replied, “no. I don’t.” He clears his throat, “no point in dwelling on someone I haven’t even met yet.”

Maybe Y/N would’ve replied had the counter not ticked up to 2 as he spoke.

But it was a coincidence. It had to be a coincidence.

“So... you haven’t met your soulmate yet?

Another moment of silence before he replies, “no.” With a sigh.

Y/N brings a hand to clasp over her mouth, “you’re kidding me.” A bitter laugh escapes her, “you’re fucking kidding me.” Y/N finds herself inhaling deeply as she attempts to calm herself. “How long have you known?”

Y/N WAS AVOIDING HIM, not that he didn’t deserve it, again. But that didn’t make it any better. Tsukishima found himself frowning as he stared at his eyes pierced into the back of her head, and for the first time he found himself hoping for a group project.

What a change in events.

Tsukishima was honestly more worried about what Yamaguchi would say once he found out that he and Y/N were fighting again but... that was something to worry about for another time.

“We’ll be having a group project once more today! If you haven’t realized already, this class is oriented around the idea of building you collaborative and social skills.”

Okay, maybe not another time.

Tsukishima can practically hear Y/N’s head fall against her desk, his eyes drifting back to her as the teacher drones on about the requirements of this assignment and how they’ll pick up the rubric once class ends and they can further review it tomorrow.

Probably because the bell rings almost immediately after.

Y/N has already shot up from her seat, tugging her back over her shoulder as she beelines for the exit of the class. And for once, Tsukishima finds himself making an effort to keep up with her as he calls out her name, “Y/N, stop.”

This seems to garner Yamaguchi’s attention, who jogs to keep up with the pair as they all exit the classroom, “guys? What’s going on?”

“Everything is fine, Yamaguchi!” Comes Y/N’s response from ahead of them, waving him off.

Yamaguchi’s brows furrow as he grabs Tsukishima’s wrist only to see that the counter has risen, causing him to look up at Tsukishima when he finally yanks his wrist away. “What did you do?”

Tsukishima looks to him incredulously, “what makes you think I did something?”

Yamaguchi looks to him blankly as he replies, “well Y/N isn’t chasing you through the halls, is she?” He rolls his eyes, jogging to get ahead of the both of them and block their path as he looked to them with furrowed brows, “what is going on guys?”

“Not now, Tadashi, please—”

“Tadashi?”

The group pauses in the empty hallway, most of the other students having left now that the day had ended, and the sound of Tsukishima’s voice is unlike anything Y/N has heard before as she sighs.

“I wish you had told me, Tsukishima.” Is all she mumbles out, before dragging a hand through her hair and pushing past the both of them, turning the corner of the hall and leaving them alone there.

A/N: gasp :0 yamaguchi?

#tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x you #tsukishima x you #kei x reader #kei tsukishima x reader #kei x you #kei tsukishima x you #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyu!! x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hq x you #haiky #tsukishima kei x y/n #tsukishima x y/n #kei x y/n #kei tsukishima x y/n

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ipromptography · 4 years ago

Photo

I’m sure most people are aware that FFXVI’s announcement has brought with it an onslaught of negativity so I wanted to do two things:

1) Remember to smile! Love what you want to love and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not allowed to.

2) I’ve written something of a love letter. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, and this is mine.

It’s 9pm on Wednesday 16 September, a mouthful of pizza has near been launched to the other side of the room. I’d opened this stream merely out of curiosity, only to have the Square Enix logo and giant yellow chickens hurled towards me the instant it begun.

I am absolutely off the shits for approximately the next five hours. I drive my unfalteringly patient significant other up the wall over it. I have never known anyone put up with my bullshit quite as well as him, but I really do think I tested this ability that night.

The next day, I’m still on a high. I hop on to Twitter only to see that Final Fantasy Fifteen is trending. Before I’d even plucked up the courage to look at the hashtag, I knew what waited beyond it, and it was that unsettling, sickly feeling in my stomach that inspired me to write this in the first place.

This game has been part of my life since the day of its release. While my first experience with it wasn’t quite ideal, it was the second, my playthrough of it, that singlehandedly made an impact on my existence more so than any other piece of media.

I don’t have a definitive number of hours spent playing this game across different platforms, but it is absolutely in the four digits. Throughout that time, there’s not been a single moment I didn’t enjoy it (apart from that time Prompto kept getting shot off the snowmobile and I was foaming at the mouth).

Of course, were it not for this blog, I would never have racked up that much time. This community, the people that love this game, drove me to keep loading up the game time and time again, playing the story over and over, taking thousands of pictures of these characters to share.

The purpose of this waffle I’m writing is not to fight people’s opinions, or to try and argue that this game is perfect. I simply wanted to share my personal experience with this game and the happiness it has brought me.

Final Fantasy XV was my first game of the series, and I am absolutely not ashamed to say that.

As my first playthrough came to an end, I remember just how potent it was hearing the same song we’d heard as we pushed the Regalia towards Hammerhead. The same cheery dialogue that had started it all playing once more, beckoning me to begin a constant cycle that I’m not sure at this point will ever end.

After bracing that same ending over half a dozen times, it never fails to bring back that heart-shattering grief I feel, but at the same time, I feel an overwhelming amount of love for it all. Yes, this game has flaws, but they’re so minor for me in comparison to what makes it brilliant that I barely noticed them.

For me, it’s the little things. The immersion. I’m there with them. If Noctis says he’s too hot, you’re damn right I’m going into the gear menu to take his jacket off. If Gladio’s sneezing in the rain, I’ll think about putting his top back on.

It’s the tiny little details – the sighs, the yawns, the expressions, the exchanges between them. All four of them have such a connection between them that’s there right from the beginning of the game. It’s what makes the story, the ending, the whole premise of this game so powerful. They become so real to the player, developing this incredible sense of empathy for all of them in the game’s most difficult moments.

I never tire of these things, running laps around Eos, finding new places to take photos of our protagonists, admiring their every detail.

I’ve seen them called every negative adjective under the sun, picking holes in their personalities. Ansel opens you up to a whole other world that you don’t necessarily see in a normal playthrough. They all smile, they all laugh, they all show emotion. Not one of them is “boring” or “annoying”. I could witter on for days with what I love about each of them, but I will save that for another day, and I certainly won’t be leaving any heroines or villains out of that either.

There are times that I feel incredibly biased, and I am. I’ve defended every decision made about this game, never questioned it, I’ve accepted what it is and continued to love the game unconditionally. Perhaps that makes me a bad gamer, or just an idiot.

I loved going to the cinema to watch Kingsglaive the night before the game’s release. Even though, at the time, I wasn’t particularly excited for the game, I still found it exciting. It was there I was handed my very first piece of XV merchandise – a card holder. It’s been with me for four years. It’s travelled to the other side of the world with me. It’s filthy and it’s been taped back together twice but that’s just how precious this game is to me. I’d be more devastated about losing that card holder than the debit card it holds.

I loved learning a little more about each of our characters through the Brotherhood anime. It was refreshing to have content in a different medium, one where we were given rich dialogue and a deeper sense of their personalities.

I had no issue with paying more for the DLC, each had an extra two hours of content, unlockables and extras. It was hardly breaking the bank.

Even when the later DLC was cancelled, I didn’t get angry. I didn’t hate anyone for it. I understood it was a necessary decision for business reasons, and the people behind this game had already given us so much. Even when they gave us an alternative, the same content in a different form, the “fans” still threw their toys out of the pram.

To me, this game isn’t incomplete. It never was. I’ve always been happy with what we’ve been given and delighted that they would offer us even more.

People will compare this game to the next – they’ll either call it the game that Final Fantasy XV never was or shove it into the corner with their other gripes and disappointments, huffing and puffing until Square Enix give each and every individual the exact game that they want.

Whatever happens, XV will always be the game that stood by me in some of my worst moments. I hope that in years to come, people will pick it up for the first time and enjoy it for what it is, experiencing the same things that I love about it. And I hope those of us that really love this game will stick around a little longer too.

To everybody who worked incredibly hard to bring this game into existence, thank you.

#ffxv #ff15 #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #Noctis Lucis Caelum #noctis #ignis scientia #ignis #gladiolus amicitia #gladio #prompto argentum #prompto #ugh i feel like there was so much more i wanted to say #this game means the world to me and it hurts to see people ripping it to pieces when it has genuinely made me so happy #anyway i just needed to get this off my chest #i love this game so much #YOU CAN TELL ITS GONNA BE A SAPPY ONE CAUSE DD'S MADE THE PICS MONO

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acertaincritic · 4 years ago

Text

Anyway, I still have not actually sat down to watch “Shadow & Bone”, but here are some more thoughts about the MC’s racebending, since I got some comments and I want to clarify things.

TL;DR First off, nothing that’s done with S&B would be a problem if there were more Russian mainstream series.

That’s my big point of contention, honestly. You’re appropriating a culture that’s ~90% white for your fantasy world. That 90% is made up of ethnic Russians, but also Ukrainians, Tatars, and a number of other ethnicities. Still, ethnic Russians are a majority at 70% of the country’s population.

(If you’re thinking, whaa, it’s racist for a country to be 90% white.... You’re racist. Not every place is a big immigration destination, for starters, nor does it have to be. Not every place is the US. Lots of countries are racially, though not necessarily ethnically, homogenous. Just take a cursory glance at Asia and Africa.)

Now, “Shadow and Bone” is the only Big Mainstream Thing with Russian influence. Sure, it’s inaccurate. You can tell the author can’t speak Russian, has done very little actual research before writing her first book, all that. But it’s still very clearly meant to be Russia-inspired.

There are perhaps other books you can find if you scratch the bottom of the barrel, some actually written with proper care and research. But they aren’t the one cultural event that is now talked about on Twitter. They aren’t the one that was no.1 on Netflix in every place in the world and will likely remain so for some time still. They aren’t mainstream.

See, Americans are pretty good at exporting their own culture at the cost of the local writers and entertainment industries. If someone is going to buy, say, one book a month, they enter the bookstore and ~85% of books on the SFF shelves are translated from English.... How many local authors will they support vs the American/British ones? And then the American/British authors get to live off their writing, often thanks to multiple foreign sales, all the while the local authors will be extremely lucky if their books are translated to like, one single foreign language. It limits the opportunities for the local writers, and limits their ability to write full-time. You think it’s hard to do in the US? Hah, try doing it in literally any other country than maybe China.

(On that note, China has a robust entertainment complex, partly because they are so large, and partly because they specifically limit the number of foreign movies being translated and showed in local cinemas. Which means, if you feel American movies lack Chinese rep... There’s thousands of movies and dramas with only Chinese people in them right next to you.)

I wonder if an American can actually wrap their mind around this fact. Like, imagine you go into a bookstore and majority of books are translated from Chinese. Or from Russian. Or from another, foreign culture. You don’t even know how lucky you are and how American-centric your industry is, all the while effectively colonizing all the smaller industries around the way Amazon is undermining local bookstores.

You don’t see the privilege you have.

And that 85% I brought up? It’s actually a big improvement thanks to the local movements and increased awareness, at least in my country. Even just five years ago when I went into a bookstore to buy a new SFF book for my brother’s birthday, all but one book series were translated from English. And that one book series was sth he already read.

So now we have this one - a single one - Russia-inspired fantasy story. Even if it’s imperfect, it is clearly coded Russian. There are Russian clothes, Russian names (even if often misused due to lack of research), words borrowed from Russian. And it’s the only Russian-coded story that people who are not inherently interested in Russian culture are going to pick up.

And you look at it... and you decide you know what? This story based on the culture that’s 90% white, it’s *not diverse enough*. To us, Americans, who see themselves in nearly every mainstream movie and mainstream book, it doesn’t seem tasteful that so many white people are in it!

And you take not just any character, but the protagonist, the MC, the Chosen One, the hero, and you racebend her. Not just her, but her Love Interest, too. The other charas, like the antagonists or the less-than-ideally-moral side characters? Sure, they can stay white, coded as Russian. But the main role and her love interest, nah, we’re going to racebend them. And what’s worse? You couldn’t just stop there and be happy. You had to go a step further and put US-specific racism in it.

By not only racebending the MC but also making her continuously face US-typical racism, you’re effectively alienating her from her home culture. You’re saying “This person isn’t entirely Ravkian (read: Russian)”. You’re making the hero not only someone who doesn’t look like the majority of Russians, but is also very specifically separated from her culture by racism which you, Americans, imposed on the source material.

You just can’t stand for one mainstream series to not be about you for a change, can you?

In doing so, you made a fantasy movie about Wakanda with a white protagonist and a white love interest. It’s only because of your American lens that you don’t see it.

Like yeah, I read the casting a while ago. I didn’t bat an eye back then. Sure, racebending of the MC is tendentious, but I was happy to accept it. After all, Russian-Chinese people surely exist.

It’s specifically the casting COMBINED with the alienation of the racebent protagonist from the culture the books are inspired by, via artificial inclusion of US-specific racism, that’s the problem here.

Keep the actor, throw away the slurs. Or keep one slur to show that sure, racists exist everywhere, but throw away the other dozen. Make the protagonist actually connected with the culture she’s the Chosen One for, make her feel like she belongs in the country she’s going to save.

If you think I’m racist for asking for this much... The block button is up there.

#shadow and bone #slavic stuff #rant #personal #stuff

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akvtsuki-ari · 5 years ago

Text

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader

Length: 5.3k

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part.

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately.

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks.

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things.

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment*

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc.

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way.

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second.

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?," You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid oneshot #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #Criminal Minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #sub!spencer #sub!spencer reid #so nervous abt uploading this lol

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago

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to the anon that sent me an essay, this is for you

to everyone else, idk what this is

from anon:

here are a few things ive thought of to an obsessive level but these are completely non-bts related so u can choose to skip it. hell, you knew u that already.

1. before becoming parents or after emerging into adulthood everyone should be sent to therapy. sometimes i question if it is to fill the gaps their childhood has blown wide open that adults have children. or is it to fulfill some moral responsibility they have to simply reproduce. if its the first, to think about it, is kind of fucked up. you are depriving your child a stable future, creating replicas of exactly what you suffered, if u are not stable yourself.

You know, probably. People have kids for a number of reasons, not all if them good. I am a product of such a cycle, generations that used physical and emotional punishment on their own children to lash out their frustrations in life. The easiest one to bully is the offspring you made, because they don't know any better. They think that's how life is, because that's how life always was. I suffer for it, all the time. But, you know, therapy does nothing if you don't want it. You have to be willing to listen to be helped.

Most people are not willing to listen or change. That's the big problem.

2. its sad how the whole ' one in a million ' concept is staring at me. haruki murakami said mediocrity is constant. that thought haunts me everyday becuase of how many people are just a sea of faceless creatures as the world decides which one is the outlier. its the scariest thing i have ever felt, but it is inevitable. mediocrity should be normalized. there is an exorbitant amount of pressure in youth to produce and create and every other teenager is doing mun and every other adult is in the medical field, but at the cost of what? sure, you just saved the world, but did you save yourself?

Everyone is in outlier which makes nobody special. Society has slowly but surely created the idea that people need to be better than others, the idea that "better" must exist. To want more. And why is that?

Money.

Why is everyone pressured to make a product? To monetize their hobbies? To "do work you love"? Why is this the ideal? Because someone wants to profit from you. Someone is always greeding for more, more, so they make you feel this need as well, feeding off your futile attempts to be the "prefect you" but the perfect you doesn't exist. Why is it that every outlier put on a pedestal feels disillusioned / pressured or greedy / selfish? Because you've been tricked, feeling sad and deflated that you can't achieve something that isn't real.

3. middle class. im part of it. we're probably the most entitled section of society there is. it is so amusing to me how we have basically everything we need to survive but always want more. its weird how the poorer sections dont have time to think about their lives at the stake of capitalist countries, while we're here thinking about everything in our day that has harmed us, complaining about shit that isnt even required to survive. my mind is bursting because im literally fucking typing / this / because i have the privilege to and im STILL . doing . it .

Entitled? Everyone feels entitled. Not just middle class. You think rich people don't want more? Pfft. Everyone wants more, simply because that's what were trained to think. Everything around us is always asking you to want more, tying your worth to what you have instead of what you are. Your worth equating to material possessions has been taught to you all your life from the media, all for the sake of profit. The worst is when they turn your own morals and ethics on you to monetize that as well.

4. i hope i dont forget everything that has ever happened to me. not because i'd want to hold it over peoples head. but because i really dont want to grow ignorant. i dont want to have hollow opinions and i dont want to live a life where its easy to be just as. i dont want to be in a herd of sheep.

You will forget. Neurons die all the time. It's a known fact memories get disorganized, remade, and blended with fantasy. You are organic, an imperfect machine. Even your memories are imperfect, only focusing on specific things and not the whole picture because human brains focus on what's important and not what is. This is a survival tactic and it's what causes you to polarize one way or another. Even you, telling me this right now, you are declaring "I want things to only be this way".

But, you know.

"Polarization is the ugliest flower in the world."

Your past and memory is not the only thing that shapes opinions. Agreeing with others is not being a sheep. Are you a sheep because you agree killing an innocent as a police officer is not okay? Sometimes ignorance is okay. You don't have to know everything. Sometimes it's better not to.

5. im really jealous of bts sometimes. its fucking insane. theyre so successful but they have and continue to endure so much shit from the world. passion. passion is the word i want to chop up and throw into a blender and smother in a fire. they have it. and i dont. they are so hardworking. its something ill never be.

They don't have to do anything. They can quit at any time. They choose not to for many reasons. You choose how much you can take and how much is too much. You chose who you are. There are many hardworking, passionate people you don't know, because they don't want to be known. Passion, hard work, these things exist in many forms, and not all of it is so exposed like it is with BTS.

And let's face it, not all of those things can be good. They said so themselves.

6. i think we should really stop saying 'well if u were in their place what would u have done'. we cant do what we havent been given the chance to experience. we cant think about what we wouldve done because we have lived our lives NOT doing it. i am living my life only one which way and there is no other way i can know yet.

We say this to help others realize that prespective is importamt. It is not about actually living it, but having the empathy to understand and see from another person's eyes. No one is asking you to be Dr. Strange and live all 5 million possibilities. You can think someone's actions / words are wrong but, in that moment, they didn't think that, either because they grew up a certain way or because certain things happened to them. You don't have to live the experience to have some level of understanding, even if imperfect.

im sorry for this brain dump , i dont really have anyone else im willing to talk to and i completly understand if u skip this. hope ur fine tho and taking care. love ur works !

I'm an INTJ. My brain never turns off. It's a curse. But thank you for enjoying my writing! Hope you liked this too LOL

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stitchieau-the-actual-one · 3 years ago

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Fuck what or where can I vent about this...

WARNING: IF YOU DON’T LIKE OTHER PEOPLES OPINIONS OR HAVING A THOUGHTFUL DISCUSSION, THEN THIS POST AIN’T FOR YOU! MOVE ON!

we good?

Are the Radicals gone?

yes?

good.

Honestly, America has gone to shit since Biden came into office. Actually no... It’s been shit since Obama’s administration. just a constant shit show, an awful comedy of errors.

I legit no longer feel safe or comfortable in my own country.

I feel like I am not being heard as a US citizen, and how I vote or what I say no longer matters because some rich Democrat or rich Republican decided it just doesn’t. I feel like nothing I say or do matters anymore and that if I speak at all, people are either going to label me as a “Bigot.” or “TERF.” on one end or “Snowflake.” “SJW.” on the other. Or just flat out be told to “pick a side.” when both are shit.

One is spray painted gold.

The other is covered in literal gold.

And I hate it, I hate every single second of it. the fact I have to constantly pick the lesser of two evils and that if I vote “wrong” or “Wrong think” people are just going to silence me. In a country of free speech. It’s ass backwards but its true.

so here’s some stuff that may or may not ruffle your jimmies:

1) The Riots are and ALWAYS will be unwarranted and should DEFINITELY be stopped:

I feel like it should go without saying, but apparently this is a controversial statement... which it shouldn’t be. Look, you were taught as a kid that stealing, breaking, arson, assault, battery, destruction of private and public property is bad and unacceptable. So why do you think that suddenly changes when you’re an adult? You still got spanked and/or sent into timeout didn’t you? You got disciplined (not punished there IS a difference) for it right? Well as an adult, news flash! It’s the government instead of your parents who discipline your shitty behavior. (Also furthermore: ACAB just helps the rich since their the only people who can AFFORD personal protection, so Defunding police would just help criminals find victims and get away with a variety of crimes. Since there’s no longer any scruples to prevent this.)

Do I believe that the national guard and riot police should’ve been called in:

Yes.

Do I believe that EVERYONE involved was being shitty?

No.

Do I believe that in cases like these Potentially fatal force is nessecary to control a growingly restless and violent crowd?

AbsoFUCKINlutely!

Do I believe children should be at large protests?

No.

Do I believe the entire situation could’ve been avoided if people ignored Social Media?

Fuck, Yes.

But sadly I and the rest of us do not live in a perfect vacuum of morale and decency, which brings me to another point.

Can we please stop the whole Marxism/Communism trend? Please?

Tldr of my opinion on this issue: If it doesn’t work the first time it won’t work for the *insert whatever number it is* time either. just let this fantasy die already PLEASE!

my actual explanation on how I feel about it:

So Marxism is a type of Communism. Which if you didn’t know, Communism is the extreme of Socialism... and the Extreme/Radicalized version of literal ANYTHING! ISN’T GOOD! FULL STOP!

I honestly feel like the current education system fails to teach kids the issue as to WHY Communism and more accurately Marxism just... doesn’t work. Like at all, not even a little bit. But in order to talk about Marxism and why it just fails in a spectacular way we need to take a Rrrrreally old piece of text into consideration.

Plato’s utopia.

Plato based his utopian world off of a fantasy, a morale void, a perfect vacuum that was the foundation to a squeaky clean world. Of rainbows, gumdrops and candy cane frogs. where everyone was a productive and virtuous citizen that strived to better mankind.

however it suffers a major flaw.

that’s just not how Humanity let alone how the universe works in general. We don’t live in that perfect virtuous vacuum Plato so desperately wanted us too.

Humans are by default, infallible, selfish, self centered, bratty, judgmental pricks who no matter how virtuous have dark and destructive tendencies. Whether it’s aimed towards ones self or their community, it doesn’t matter. Humans are just naturally assholes and if you don’t believe me go sit down, pick any point in history and just listen. History is filled to the brim with examples of why we don’t live in a perfect vacuum of virtue. Even with the best of intentions people still make one another miserable whether they know it or not. People are greedy, selfish, self serving and otherwise shitty one way or another. so ultimately even if its intent if founded in the purest, kindest, sweetest whatever have yous. It won’t work.

Similar to how Plato’s utopian society doesn’t work, neither does Marxism nor Communism. it realize to heavily on that Vacuum that just doesn’t exist.

if you don’t believe me, just ask anyone from a Communist/Marxist country or if you’d rather read instead. Go read “Animal Farm” and come back, its okay I’ll wait.

On the other hand this absolutely DOES NOT mean I am okay or fine with Facism or really ANY radicalism in general. if it isn’t clear already.

not that brings me to the most controversial opinion I have and one not a lot of people (yourselves included) won’t like me for (most likely)

My stance on BLM:

Don’t

Like.

Supremacy.

Of.

ANY.

Kind.

And you know what, that’s just how I feel. If your movement involves challenging something by doing more of the same thing by design but just a different coat of paint. then no. I don’t like your thoughts or your movement because that’s just toxic and literally detrimental to everyone around you.

if you feel like the only way to fight “White supremacy” is with “Black supremacy” then expect me to think your a horrible (closeted) racist. The people who bang the table the loudest about an issue, are usually the people causing it in the first place. So how do we solve the issue of racism, the same way you deal with terrorists actually. By making fun of them and mocking their awful opinions.

Everyone is special and one of a kind, and even considering the notion of it not and taking it seriously is beyond the scope of any sane logic one should have. Treating racism with even a monikerum, a snibblie of seriousness is only feeding into and perpetuating the said issue.

if you make fun of it, like how we make fun of outdated ideals like Sexism and Terrorism. laugh at the people who do toxic shit, they fucking HATE being mocked or laughed at since they honestly want you to be a misreble as they are. So don’t let them. Also education is good, ignorance bad.

anyways may write a part 2 later, my second dose of the covid shot (moderna) kicked in and I am suffering...

#chill political chat #politics #rant #chill rant #tired #ow

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peachade · 4 years ago

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Writing Asks

thank u to sarah @soldouthaz, lily @theisolatedlily and late @tomlinvelvetfics for tagging me !!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted

started in eighth grade after moving which fucked me up (i’m still to recover lmao) n i needed a distraction, reading had always helped but writing is what let me see what the root of my agony was. (im not trying to be pretentious i swear) i first started on wattpad (love hate relationship to this day) and beginning of lockdown this year gravitated to ao3 which has been my saving grace !!!

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?

so far i’ve mostly written in louis’ pov. i’ve had to ask this question in the early stages — i resonate the closest to harry. most of my wips are harry centric for that reason. i mean, yes and no — i tend to take some part of me and fit it into the character but at the same time i don’t like seeing me on a page so yes and no.

3. where do you often find inspiration?

EVERYWHERE. mostly others’ stories be it in the way of songs, music, writing, art. usually it’s me coming across a vaguely aesthetic picture and my brain spitting out one or two random scenes and me trying to make that a story.

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?

both !!! i have new wips but also i lost a lot of motivation to do anything for a bit. school is sucking the soul out of me — it’s both easier and harder with it being online, the worst part is i can never truly feel like i’m getting a break from it. recently it’s been easier for me bc of the friends i made (ily all) it’s hindered a little bit bc i can’t go out and watch people and streetlights and the blur of cars and try to pour out that feeling into words and create something. at the same time it’s helped me gain more perspective on people and relationships which has been a massive help to writing in general.

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence?

depending on the number of classes i have/attend, my mental stability, the story and my sensitivity. i often can’t stand loud noises so there’s that but there is always some noise or the other so it’s never truly silent. i like it that way. sometimes i just play intense studying playlist on spotify and write, Lucida by Odin Sørlie and Haunted Heart by Dawn, Dawn, Dawn are my favourites.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?

excessive usage of the same word in mine. in general, i’m not a fan of stereotypical characters or romanticising harmful themes.

7. describe your ideal writing setup

2 am, in bed, music still ringing in my ears, three texts from my best friend about a story or about their day. under the blanket, the room smelling of chocolate or something sweet.

8. favorite time of day to write?

anytime but afternoon. those hours are for naps.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?

fiction? i’d love to write a fantasy au 👀

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it?

yep yep. i just edit an old story or read my old works or other writers’ fics. i gave up trying to force myself into writing — i hated the end product and felt bad so.

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult?

probably the emotions? dialogue without a doubt — i dread writing it. it doesn’t come to me naturally. i can write lengths without dialogue tbh. also smut — it’s an eh eh aspect.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable)

my wonderful friends. they do dumb shit and i want to tell the world about their dumb shit so i make characters out of them.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word?

as of now it is fucker — delightful word that one. least favourite is probably squelch — just no.

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?

the dreamy feeling i manage to write without a doubt !!!! dialogue and pacing. i don’t have the best dialogue or the pacing or the length for fics but i’m working on all of those !!

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?

still a wip so i can’t tell you much except that it’s a proper treat. will write this once i’ve posted that fic !!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?

*nervous laughter* the font changes from fic to fic — crush is comic sans, size 11. October was Lora, 11. Twisted in bedsheets is courier new, 11. stargazing is spectral, 11. so yeah — whatever the fic demands. single spaced !!!! except when i’m overwhelmed i do double spaces.

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?

I Cannot Type. if you think i can — congratulations you were fooled. autocorrect is the loml.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?

of course !!!! i basically do not exist out of my writing.

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?

pain, pining, longing. lust.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?

we’re all fucked up but we’re trying and trying sometimes is enough. you shouldn’t spend your life carved out around one person. it’s okay to ask for help and need a shoulder to lean on. i hope these come across in my future fics !!!!

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?

bold of you to assume i’ve ever received advice.

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?

a new fic. will update the answer once that fic is out !!!!!

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?

chronologically. i can’t do out of order. i do have a page full of scribbles but they are to tell me the order sjakmd.

24. how do you handle criticism?

if it’s constructive then well. no thick skin tbh. makes me feel as if i need validation from someone else on my art which isn’t necessary but my brain is wired to seek it and it’s a hassle.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?

write everything you would want to read. write it bad, don’t worry about the quality. don’t worry about the audience. end of the day, it should be something you can turn to for comfort not something that makes you feel bad.

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?

people telling me they like my writing and it could take them out of this world for a few minutes !!!!!

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?

probably crush verse !!!! harry — his is probably the one character where i dump most of me in.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?

rant to me about anything. i enjoy talking. ask me about wips so i can take the little guilt and write more.

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?

it’s nice to let go and express things and create characters with a better situation than mine.

30. why do you write?

keep myself busy.

boost yourself + tags

1a. share the last sentence you wrote

No kissing. No flashbacks.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about

a little something i’m writing inspired by @brickredtoe’s art !!!!

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of

ok. well. from 5436 miles

“Or we could always add a trail of stars to one of those moons,” he replies, words dragged out, rolling around in his mouth.

He can see the glint in his eyes even behind his closed lids. Everything about Louis is inked and etched into every fiber of his being.

He would’ve kissed him, words pouring from his mouth into Harry’s, only half his.

He snorts. “And make it seem like the moon has a buttplug? No, thanks.”

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s)

both my published fics have circular endings.

5436 miles — Louis always had more stars in his eyes.

these tornadoes are for you — His heart beats in peace.

5a. link to the last fic you read.

sugary sweet by the immensely talented @soldouthaz

6a. link the last work you published

here

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable)

wheeee

8a. someone that inspires you

taylor. she’s so so wonderful.

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year

all of riv, sarah, ris and late’s fics. they’ve been so so comforting. Event Horizon by @mercurial-madhouse

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag!

@mercurial-madhouse @harryanthus are the only ones coming to mind atm. i’ve been up for too long apologies.

#long post #games #writing asks #q q q

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mrssarablack · 3 years ago

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1. What’s your sexual orientation?

Heterosexual.

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Hmm, I really don't know. I have my usual things that would qualify but my "obsessions" but they don't often consume me to a high degree, so I have a hard time dubbing anything I like a full blown obsession.

That being said, it's probably tiktok. The obsession of the moment, I find myself on the app entirely too much because it's just a fun party and oh the things that lead to little research dives are fascinating. Mostly it's the musicians that get me. I love creativity and am forever amazed by the collaborations and straight magic people make in the time allotted... but it takes up way too much of my time when it really shouldn't. I have better things I could be doing.

3. Ever done any drugs?

Yup.

4. What piercings do you want?

None. My ears are pierced to the degree I like and I don't really desire anything else to be pierced.

5. How many people have you kissed?

Enough.

6. Describe your dream home.

The house I live in outdoes anything I could possibly come up with. I'm very happy with my home, but I'd be happy most anywhere. If I'm honest, I'm a bit Aladdin-like when it comes to living arrangements. My dream home list, if I only considered myself, is the very low bar of a roof over my head that has a beautiful view. Bonus it has a pool but it's not a requirement.

Clearly, where I live outdoes that by a longshot and I'm very lucky to have the things I have. I'm not unaware of that fact.

7. Who are you jealous of?

There is no way for this not to sound like a humble brag in my head, but no one. I've never been the jealous type. There's so much unnecessary energy in wanting what someone else has and jealousy is a negative you just don't need in your life. It's much better to focus on your own joy and not worry about what others are doing.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

Schitt's Creek

9. Do you watch porn?

I have.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

No, I don't.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

I don't know, I'm good, but somewhere warm and with a beach, I guess?

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

I really only have one and that's of my mother apologizing for what she did.

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nope.

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I probably wouldn't.

15. Are you in a relationship?

Yes

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

No, but I'm pretty sure some have followed me...🙄

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

My mother. It ebbs and flows between anger and indifference. Depends on the thoughts I'm having surrounding the why of it.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I don't want any.

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Maybe? But probably not. I don't particularly like my name. It's kind of dull, if I'm honest, but at the same time it's my name and I don't have a replacement in my head for it. So, I'm Sara and I'll forever be Sara. It's alright.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

I already answered this, but I suppose my general obsession is pokemon. I like the games and the lore. The whole thing is fun and I enjoy it a lot.

21. Describe your best friend.

She's like sunshine. She's bubbly and sweet. Anna has optimism for days. She can be a little naive but people also see naivety in what is actually her stubbornness. She won't give up on people even if she should. She sees good in almost everything but she isn't unaware that bad exists.

And because of this her kindness shines. She'd help a stranger without hesitation or a need for anything back. She very much is a person who would stick her neck out to save a life. She brings out the best in people and makes it look effortless. She is kind and caring but has a determination that can tackle damn near anything that becomes an obstacle. Anna's a force to reckon with and not many people realize this truth.

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

@nikolascblack

Did you really think I'd pick someone else?

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

This list alternates with moods. I love so many bands and artists. But right now the top five are:

Nikolas Black

AJR

The Beatles

Ok One Rock

P!nk

24. What are three places you want to travel?

I really am that person if given the chance to just pick a plane and go I'd probably take it. I just want to experience all the places so here are the first regions that came to mind...

Italy (like all of it)

Spain/ Barcelona

South of France

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

It's getting warmer so, right now, it's an evening with Nikolas on our back patio. Fire up the grill and enjoy a meal outdoors. Maybe spend some time in the pool. End the evening with a warm blanket and a cuddle.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Summer. My skin may take issue with the sun but I like it best when it's warm and sunny and being outside.

27. What’s your pet peeve?

When I am listening to music… I probably don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. I do not like when I'm interrupted when my music is on.

Also, if I'm doing art or sewing … be aware I might get snippy if you choose to interrupt my flow. I like reaching stopping points before I'm asked to change gears.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

Probably Jakub. He's the king of one liners and his sass gets me.

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

I'd say Avatar, was not impressed by space Pocahontas….

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

... um... I'm not really the shy type. If I wanna get to know someone.... I'm going to be friendly to them and start a conversation.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books but I do register I read more electronic ones. The library system is nice in that format… when I actually finish a book. I don't read that fast so I have like 3 waitlisted at any given time three or four times over just so I can finish it … 😅

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Pokemon?

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

I dislike questions that make me feel like I'm bragging. Or that could be seen as such but my wardrobe wouldn't really change because my boyfriend allows me to use his funds from time to time to have the nicer clothing items I like. Which sit right alongside my jeans I got from TJ Maxx. Legitimately, it probably wouldn't change at all.

34. What’s your coffee order?

Cold brew or if it's cold I typically, latte it's usually a hazelnut

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

No.

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

I don't. Most of them were pretty shit people. So, yeah… nope, I don't think much on them at all really.

37. Have any tattoos?

38. Do you drink?

Occasionally

39. Are you a virgin?

Heh… no.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Nope

41. How many followers do you have?

Um… I have no idea. Not many that's for sure.

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

I did this once. I'm not going to objectify him again. So instead:

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

True crime documentaries or horror movies. I do not watch them often. Nikolas isn't into it and I'm not going to be the ass that takes the tv and makes him watch something he doesn't like. So, I save it for when I am alone.

44. Do you read erotica?

I have but I don't seek it out. Typically the erotica I have read has been tucked away in a romance novel and was far more than I expected it to go from the synopsis or anything before that point.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

I have to go with the one where it was clear he asked me out as some sort of revenge date. His ex-girlfriend was at the location with friends and he kept looking over at her trying to see her reaction. It was bad and I dismissed myself as quickly as I could.

46. How many people do you follow?

Again, I don't know. I know it's mostly friends and artists or designers but I'm too lazy to look up the number because I don't care.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

This guy right here:

48. Describe your ideal partner.

There's a theme here...

49. Who do you text the most?

Anna? Our friend text line is usually an all day back and forth.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Sunny and warm. Weather that screams "beach day"

#sara reynolds #random questions #bored #been a while since ive done this #oc #roleplay

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