#Now i gotta make a doctor's appointment to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me 🫠

[selenaurrr]

Who doesn't love starting the new year with an unexplained itchy rash all over my body. Yay! (Sarcastically).

[dirtychocolatechai]

meet-cute | b.b.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Warning(s): fluff, awkward Bucky, vet appointment stuff, Alpine Request: Babes if you're lowkey taking requests can I lowkey make one? 👉🏼👈🏼🥺💕 something flirty and cute and maybe a lil spicy with Bucky and vet!reader where something's going on with Alpine? Not self indulgent at all 😻💖 Notes: This was the first thing I’ve written in months and it felt damn good. Funny story, I actually almost went to school to be a vet tech + shadowed a vet for two weeks and got to see some wickedly cool things.

This was a bit self-indulgent on my part because I had a cat who passed away some years ago because of struvite stones and I wished he had a happier ending like Alpine so I thought why not 🤷‍♀️💖

Taglist is open

(gif from google)

There’s nothing Bucky hates more than the stringent smell of industrial cleaners and clinical white walls - too many associations and shades of memory long laid to rest - except for when something’s going on with Alpine. The Turkish Angora was fine up until a few days ago when he started to hide away and sleep all day.

That wasn’t too concerning at first...

But then came the pained little noises, the frantic running back and forth from the litter box, the excessive grooming. The pit that started forming low in his belly grew, his instincts screaming at him that something was wrong, very wrong, with his little buddy. 

Bucky wasn’t about to fuck around and set up an appointment with the first vet office he could find that had a same-day opening. And now he’s trying not to fall apart at the seams while he waits for the docs to do their magic and tell him what the hell’s going on with his cat and what he has to do to fix it.

The vet tech collected Alpine a bit ago and every minute stretches into years, the cat’s pitiful meow echoing in his ears and those betrayed eyes burned onto the backs of his eyelids.

I know, Bub, I’m sorry but they gotta figure out what’s going on. It’ll be okay, they’ll take care of you. 

His ass went numb from the plastic chair ages ago, his leg jiggling up and down at a rapid pace as he chews on his thumbnail and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

God, he knows these things take time but he’d rather be back at home, curled up on the couch with Alpine pigging out on breakfast food and watching space documentaries. 

How much longer-

“Alright, Mr. Barnes?”

The heavy door swings open with a click, a kind, professional voice preceding a pair of sensible shoes as the vet steps into the room with a clipboard cradled against her chest. His eyes snap up, skipping over her completely to look at the tech holding his cat who looks absolutely miserable. 

She introduces herself but he’s not paying attention. He’s not meaning to be rude but all his focus narrows in on that white little face, the knot in his chest unfurling at the little mew.

He smiles, his eyes crinkling around the edges as he breathes, “Hey there, Little Buddy.” 

The vet doesn’t push, in fact, she seems a little enamored with how much he melts at the sight of his pet. Her own lips quirk up into a soft smile while she stands off to the side patiently as Alpine’s set down on the metal table.

Bucky gets in a few good scritches under his chin, the beginnings of a purr just starting to vibrate his hand when the vet clears her throat delicately. 

He clears his throat, heat burrowing into the apples of his cheeks. “Shi - uh, ‘m sorry.” A hand scrubs over the back of his neck. “I’m just - uh - y’know...” 

Her laugh trickles down his spine like warm rain, the sound effectively drawing his attention away from the cat rubbing up against his side. He gets his first look at her and oh.

A bare face and a no-nonsense hairstyle greet him, her scrubs and white coat adding to the overall doctor vibe but she’s still breathtaking. The natural beauty in the curves of her face, the slant of her brows, the sparkle of her eyes.

He feels like he got sucker-punched in the chest, his heart giving a sudden throb that has him coughing like an idiot as he scrambles to not look like such a jackass.

“So,” he clears his throat, scratching at the stubble along his jaw, “What’s - what’s wrong with him?” 

Glancing down at Alpine’s chart, she hums and writes a note before glancing back up with a reassuring smile. “Nothing that can’t be managed with a special diet and watching his water intake.”

It’s like the weight of the world disappears from his shoulders, his broad frame practically heaving with his sigh of relief. “Oh thank fucking- ahem, ‘scuse me - thank god.” 

Her chuckle and sly smile have him blushing from the roots of his hair to the collar of his shirt, his stomach squirming in discomfort. Old habits are hard to break, especially ones his momma taught him with a box to the ear.

“You’re allowed to swear, Mr. Barnes,” she says, reaching down to run her fingers through snow-white fur. “We’re all adults here.” 

“No, no, I know...” 

“Hm, anyway, his blood work came back and everything looks fine which is a good thing.” 

And it’s back to business like that, any hint of personality hidden behind cool professionalism that Bucky thinks even Tasha would admire. Except for the playful gleam in her eyes as she sneaks peeks at him while going over everything they did and what they found. 

“Struvite crystals are quite common in cats at low levels, especially males because their tract is longer and narrower.” She pauses, flipping to a new page. “Depending on the severity, they can clump together in the urinary tract and actually form stones. That’s where the true problem lies because get one large enough, and it can cause a blockage.”

He’s listening with rapt attention, soaking in the knowledge she’s imparting to him all the while, petting Alpine who keeps nuzzling him and making little sounds. Honestly, he could listen to her talk for hours even if he didn’t understand a goddamn thing. 

She’s so animated when she speaks, holds eye contact and makes sure he understands everything without making him feel like an idiot. He’s had so many doctors who talked at him rather than with him, staring through him without seeing, more interested in the paycheck rather than their patients.

But not her, she cares.

Deeply.

He can see it all over her face and it’s utterly enchanting. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little enamored, charmed.

Turning the tablet towards him, she shifts closer and a waft of whatever perfume she’s wearing tickles his nose as she explains what the x-ray of Alpine’s abdomen found.

“These are the stones but thankfully they’re relatively small,” she points to several hazy white ovals starkly visible on the radiograph, “We caught them in time before they became a really big problem.” 

Shit, she smells so good...

 “Now, we’ll send you home with a special diet and see how he does. Also, make sure to up his fluid intake as much as you can. The food can take several months to start dissolving the crystals so we’ll have to do everything we can to help. Sound good?”

Bucky hasn’t pulled his eyes away from her face once this entire time, and how fucking creepy is that?

Quickly looking down at Alpine, embarrassment gnawing at his belly, he nods and wishes for the first time since he cut his hair that he hadn’t so he’d at least have a passing chance at hiding the blush burning its way across his face. 

“Yeah,” he says, picking up the ball of white fluff to hold against his chest, a makeshift shield. “Is there anything else I should do?” 

“No.” She smiles, writing another note and tapping away at the tablet next to her. “I do want to see him again in about a month for a check-up.”

Fuck, he doesn’t want to leave so soon.

The irony isn’t lost on him either.

How does he make this last longer? What can he do? If Sam was here right now, he’d be kicking him in the ass and bitching at him to ask for her number already, Ice Pick.

The clack of the chart being set down rings through the room, bouncing off the walls and sounding so fucking final that he starts to panic. 

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. 

She’s already halfway to the door when she asks, “Do you have any questions?”

The word vomit spring from him, unbidden and sudden without any thought, more forward than he’s been with a woman in years.

“Can I have your number?”

As soon as the question leaves his lips, he curses, cringes and wishes he could snatch the very words from the air itself.

Great, I just hit on my vet.

No amount of backpedaling can salvage this but goddamn it if Bucky doesn’t try, stuttering out some half-assed excuse about wanting it just in case he thinks of something later.

When he glances up, he wishes he hadn’t. The vet tech is in near tears in the corner, biting her lips so hard he wouldn’t be surprised if they started to bleed.

But it’s the absolute surprised bafflement on the woman he just inappropriately hit on that does him in, makes him about ready to burn all forms of identification and run for the hills. 

Her brows nearly reach her hairline, her mouth slack, eyes startled. She gets ahold of herself before he does, and he barely stops himself from slapping a hand over his face.

Right when he’s thinking there’s no way he’s going to be able to show his face in the office again, her expression softens with gentle amusement and her lips twitch. 

Struck dumb, he can only watch as she writes something down on a slip of paper before handing it over to him. He barely believes the string of numbers and the cheeky little call me anytime :).

The wink she sends his way is there and gone, so fast he almost believes he imagined it. 

“For emergencies only,” she says, slyly. “Of course.”

“Of course,” he agrees, almost tripping over the cat carrier as he hurries to stuff Alpine back in. “Of course, thank you. I...appreciate it.” 

“Anytime, Mr. Barnes.” 

Bucky leaves the room in a stupor, the world sharply shifted to the left as he heads to the front desk to make the follow-up appointment, but not before hearing the whispered, “Girl, you’re lucky. He’s fine!” and the “He is, isn’t he?”. 

[plaidbooks]

The Future Is Now

A/N: This is...a weird one. I don’t have much of a description except to suspend your disbelief for a little bit; there’s magic that doesn’t really get explained. It’s a Mike Dodds x reader fic, and covers the Time Travel square in @adarafaelbarba​ moodboard bingo!

Disclaimer: I know the moodboard has time travel to the past, but this is the future and I got it okayed!

Tags: mentions of trying for kids, mentions of infertility

Words: 2570

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart​  @beccabarba​  @thatesqcrush​ @itsjustmyfantasyroom​ @permanentlydizzy​ @ben-c-group-therapy​  @infiniteoddball​ @glowingmess​ @whimsicallymad​ @lv7867​ @storiesofsvu​ @cycat4077​ @alwaysachorusgirl​  @glimmerglittergirl​ @joanofarkansass​ @caracalwithchips​ @berniesilvas​​ @qvid-pro-qvo​  @averyhotchner​ @imalostredheadinablondeworld​

When Mike proposed to you, you were over the moon, excited to declare your love to the world. Plus, he was yours now, for the rest of your lives. You were absolutely proud to be called Mrs. Dodds. And then a week later, you both purchased your dream house.

Soon after the purchase, you both started trying for kids. It was no secret that you wanted children, and while you debated waiting until you were married, you were both ready and thought it wouldn’t hurt to at least try now. But after months of trying, you decided to make a doctor’s appointment, just to make sure things were okay.

As it turned out, Mike was considered healthy and fertile. You, however, were not. “There’s no chance of you getting pregnant. I’m so sorry,” your doctor told you. Mike held you as you cried and cried into his chest.

“We’ll figure it out, darling. We can find someone to carry a baby for us, or adopt, or—”

“I want a biological baby, Mike. I want to carry my own child,” you sobbed. There was nothing wrong with his suggestions, they just weren’t for you. You feared that you and Mike should just…not get married. Let him find a woman who could have his child.

 **********************

About a week later with the dark cloud still over your head, Mike decided to take you out for lunch; just a cute date to try and cheer you up. You didn’t think that was possible, but as he held your hand, walking down the streets of New York City, you found yourself smiling softly at him.

“Come on; this is a shortcut,” he urged, pulling you towards a short alley. It was bizarre, the sidewalk made with cobblestone rather than the cement that filled the city streets. There was a strange feeling in your gut as you walked with him; it was like the sensation you get when falling, your stomach jumping and twisting into knots. You glanced up at Mike as you gripped his hand tighter, and he grimaced as if he, too, felt the weirdness. Finally, you exited the other side of the alley.

“Did you feel…strange in there, too?” you asked softly.

Mike turned around to look at the alley, make sure you weren’t being followed. “Y—yeah…that was weird.” You continued walking, though you huddled a little closer to Mike as you went. But you froze when you walked past an ad posted in a window. He stopped a little ahead of you, glancing back.

“What is it?” he asked in confusion.

But your eyes were locked to the ad, and you pointed. It was just an ad for an upcoming Broadway show, but that’s not what caught your eyes. No, you were stuck staring at the date.

“Isn’t it 2015?” you breathed.

Mike followed your finger to the date, seeing 2020 written in bold font. He shrugged, “someone just made a typo; nothing to freak out about.”

You nodded; that had to be it, right? Just to be sure, though, you pulled your phone from your pocket. But it refused to turn on, even though you knew it was fully charged. Mike checked his phone, too, seeing the black screen staring back at him.

“Fuck; we gotta go home, Mike. I feel weird about this,” you said, turning back to where you came from.

He followed, agreeing that something was off. Especially when you couldn’t find that alley again. Shaking with nerves, you hurried home, Mike trailing a step behind you. But you froze hallway up to your front door; there were people inside. Mike saw it too, and motioned for you to follow.

Crouching, you shuffled as quietly as you could behind him, making your way to the living room window. There was no explaining what you saw when you both glanced in.

“Is that…us?” Mike asked, voice hushed.

Indeed, it was you and Mike—though, maybe slightly older, slightly more lined—with three children. There was a boy about seven, another boy around five, and a little girl in Mike’s arms, maybe two. None of the children looked alike, nor resembled either of you; they must be adopted.

“What the actual fuck,” you muttered. “What the fuck?!”

Mike quickly shuffled away, dragging you with him. Once you were a little ways away, he turned to face you. “Okay, scenario one; this is all a dream, none of it real. Scenario two; we’re hallucinating, whether because of stress, grief, or something else. Scenario three, and I hesitate to list it but…we traveled forward in time by five years.”

“Absolutely not! We did not travel through time! That’s just—that’s not possible!” you replied.

He placed a hand on your shoulder gently, to help ground you. “I agree. Let’s just…maybe we should head to the hospital.”

“That’s a good idea…” you trailed off. Then you jumped in the air, disappointed when you hit the ground again. Mike rose an eyebrow and you sheepishly said, “I was hoping that if this was a dream, I could fly.”

 ******************

It wasn’t a long walk to the hospital, but along the way, you and Mike ran into that damned alley again, still lined with cobblestones. You don’t know why it felt like the same one, even though it was in a completely different part of the city, but you knew it was the same. After pointing it out, you went through it again, dragging Mike with you and hoping to gain more information. But once on the other side, you noticed that things looked…different. Not overtly so, but the buildings had changed slightly. Looking back showed that the alley was gone once more.

The first thing Mike did was check his phone, to no avail. You followed his lead, but your phone was bricked, too. So instead, you headed for a window in a shop, littered with ads. And you let out a gasp as you saw that the date had changed again. But instead of being your time—

“2030?!” you yelled. “What the hell is happening?!”

Mike’s eyes were wide as he tried to work through this new information. “I bet that alley has some sort of gas or toxin leaking into it, making us hallucinate—”

“It doesn’t matter; we have to go to the hospital!” you replied, heading in that direction. He quickly caught up with you, and you wandered the city streets of Manhattan.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath before he grabbed your hand and dragged you into a little alcove. You looked up at him, giving him a look and he quickly explained, “I just saw…I saw us again. And though I don’t think we actually traveled through time, I don’t want to fuck anything up on the small off chance we did.”

You rose an eyebrow. “I thought that was only messing with the past?”

“Look, I don’t know! I just know this is all very weird, okay!”

You had to agree there, so you watched as you and Mike—older, 60-year-old you and Mike—made their way to a fancy restaurant. They were seated outside, the table having two extra chairs. Soon enough, a man and wife joined them. You were too far to hear, but you saw the woman show off her left hand, saw the proud smile on the man’s face. Something pulled you towards them, and you found yourself walking closer.

Mike’s eyes went wide, but he was too slow to stop you. So instead, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, hurrying you closer. You both leaned against the wall of the restaurant, facing each other so that they wouldn’t see your faces.

“So, have you told your siblings yet?” a voice that could only be yours, though aged with time, asked. “I’m sure they’ll be so proud that their brother is finally getting married.”

“Not yet; I wanted you and dad to know first. As well as…Lydia’s pregnant!” a man exclaimed, excitement lacing his voice.

“Congratulations,” older Mike said, and you could hear the smile and pride in his voice, even at this age. “You know we love being grandparents.”

There was an awkward silence before the man quietly asked, “that’s okay, right mom?”

“Of course it is, dear. You know that I love you and your siblings as if I had given birth to you. You’re my children, and I will love you and my grandchildren until the day I die,” older you replied.

You had heard enough, and you took Mike’s hand, tugging him gently away. There were tears in your eyes, and you noticed them in his before he had a chance to blink them away.

“Maybe…maybe adoption is a viable option for us, Mike,” you mumbled. It no longer mattered if this was real or a dream; either way, it was a clear sign that you and Mike would get past your infertility, that you had so much love to give both to each other and to your children, adopted or not.

“We can look into it once we’re both deemed okay mentally,” he replied, his arm coming back around your shoulders, holding you to him. He kissed the top of your head, and you shoved your face into his chest as you walked.

You had been wandering, not paying attention as you left the restaurant, but you heard hard rock under your shoe. Glancing down, you saw cobblestone. No, you thought, looking up, panicked. Once again, you and Mike were in the alleyway.

“How does this keep happening?” you asked, your voice echoing unnaturally around you.

Mike gripped your hand. “I don’t know, but we’re getting out of here,” he said, dragging you to the entrance…or exit—it was hard to tell where you came from. Once out, you both checked your phones; still dead. When you looked around you, though, you found yourselves on the outskirts of the city. There was no telling what year it was anymore, and in a bout of fear and panic, you started to run.

Mike let out a yelp before he followed. You didn’t know where you were going; it’s like your feet knew where to go, intent on showing you something, leading you somewhere.

He caught up to you after your lungs were burning, your knees buckling. “What are you doing? We have to remain calm,” he said, panting.

You were gasping down lungsful of air, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. You gave Mike an apologetic look, about to tell him you had no idea what was going on, when you glanced over his shoulder. There was a large field behind you, an assortment of tombstones in neat rows. You were on the edge of a cemetery.

“About time you two showed up,” a man’s voice said, and you jumped. Turning, you found an elderly man sitting on a bench a little ways away. Upon a closer look, you noticed that he looked familiar.

“Excuse me?” Mike asked, walking closer. He jolted in surprise, and it connected a moment later for you; it was elderly Mike Dodds.

Old Mike chuckled softly. “This one was a little harder to figure out, since we never saw a date. But I knew I was 93, so I decided to come here every day until I saw you two,” he explained.

“But—but how did you know—? What’s happening?” you asked, bewildered.

He nodded. “It’s confusing, I know. But I knew you’d be here because, well—” he looked at his younger self— “because I’ve been here in my youth. My wife and I never did find out what it was, a dream or—or hallucination. All we knew was that it was somehow real; it predicted our future.”

“How do we get back?” Mike asked.

The old man gave Mike a long look. “You must cherish your fiancée, Mike. Even when she becomes your wife, you must always cherish her.”

Mike blinked. “Y—yeah, I will, I promise. But how do we—”

“My lovely wife is gone now. We had our ups and our downs, our ridiculous fights over nothing. But at the end of the day, I loved her with my whole heart and soul, just as she loved me. We knew we could make it through anything, as long as we had each other.” He looked at you, and you saw such adoration in his eyes that your breath caught. “There’s still days where I miss her: her voice, her laugh, her love. But we both knew it was her time when she went, and she was happy. Now I find happiness in our kids and grandkids, and in knowing that I wouldn’t change a damn thing about the past 50 years, not one bit of it. And I know I’ll see her again soon, that she’s waiting for me.”

You didn’t notice the tears until they were trailing down your cheeks. You looked at Mike, and he, too, was crying. He opened his mouth, but elderly Mike spoke over him.

“The only way back is to go back to the beginning,” he muttered, suddenly tired.

“But we can’t find the alleyway—”

“Not the damn alleyway! Go back further, to where it all began!”

You and Mike looked at each other with your watery eyes in confusion, but when you turned back, the old Mike was gone.

“What now?” you asked softly.

Mike came up to you, cupping your face in his hands and brushing away your tears. “We’ll figure it out, darling. I promise.”

He kissed your forehead before moving to grab your hand. You both started walking, unsure of where to go but following your feet…your hearts. You walked for what seemed like forever before you noticed where you were.

“This is where we had our first date,” you muttered, looking at the little restaurant, still here after so many years of changes.

Mike���s eyes lit up and he pulled you a few buildings down. There was a white archway, roses along the bottom and wisteria wrapped around the top. Your heart fluttered at the sight, just like the first time; you always found this fixture odd, sitting in the middle of a bustling city, so out of place. And just like that first date, Mike tugged you to stand underneath it.

“Back to the beginning,” he muttered as he turned to face you. You were pressed up against his chest, looking up into his kind face, and all those feelings from the first night slammed into you: the nerves, the excitement, and the love.

“May I kiss you?” he asked, his voice echoing through time. You nodded shyly, biting your bottom lip, and he slowly leaned in. The moment his lips touched yours, you knew you never wanted to pull away. You lifted to your tiptoes, kissing him back with passion, his shirt balled in your fists. He smiled against your lips, and you grinned. As you gently pulled away, he let out a little huff of a laugh, just like he did the first time.

“I love you, Mike Dodds,” you whispered, staring into those bright eyes of his.

His grin broadened. “I love you, too. And I cannot wait to grow old with you.”

You could’ve stayed like that forever, in his arms, looking into that handsome face. But the silence around you was broken by your phone ringing.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

One Night🌙6

Warnings: noncon sexual acts (to be warned later in series), nocturnal playtime, unwanted touching.

This is dark!Andy Barber and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: One night changes your entire life.

for @kittykatlow​‘s 200 Follower Celebration

Note: I’m working on more drabbles and Eye of the Storm! But for now, enjoy some Andy.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Your appointment went as well as it could have. The doctor ran bloodwork and several other tests as Andy nodded knowingly as if to say ‘I told you so’, which he also did aloud several times after. The drive home was a reiteration of what you should, and more enthusiastically, what you shouldn’t do. 

It was really starting to feel like he believed you were an actual child. Your own father had never talked to you in such a way. You couldn’t say the same for your mother but even she could reel it in long enough that you didn’t feel like a complete moron. Andy just seemed to latch onto every mistake you made and sink his teeth in until he tasted blood.

And like the teenager he treated you as, when you got back to his house, you stormed up to the guest room and slammed the door. You fell onto the bed and screamed into the pillow. Oh yeah, that long lost adolescent rage returned. Then it all drained from every inch of you and you rolled over to stare at the ceiling.

You could hear Andy below. You listened to him moving around, the decisive click of his polished leather shoes. He climbed the stairs and you heard him stop outside your door. He sighed and retreated to his own room. Your day off an you’d spend it like this; raging at your new warden.

The knock on your door made you flinch. 

“Hey,” Andy’s voice sounded decisively through the door. “I’m going into the office for the rest of the day. I’ll be in around six.” He paused and the handle jiggled but didn’t turn. “You know where everything is.”

You didn’t answer him. You waited until he left, the footsteps on the staircase, the front door, the soft rollover of his car engine. You sat up and pulled out your phone. A single voicemail; your parents’ number.

“Hey, kiddo,” Your dad’s voice rose from the speaker. “Your mom wants to know when you’re getting the rest of your stuff.” A slight pause and a cough. “You know I don’t care and you take your time but if she asks, I told ya to come get it… Love you.” The line buzzed. “And your mom loves you too but she’s just as stubborn as you, you know? Well, anyway, uh, bye.” Another glaring silence. “Oh, and it’s still my house. I’ll be happy to see ya, kiddo.”

You saved the message and dropped your phone to bounce on the mattress. You put your head in your hands as you tried to resist the overhwelming swell of sadness that overcame you. You didn’t care about your stuff and you couldn’t bring it here. You wouldn’t. Sell it, toss it, you didn’t care.

You sat up and dropped your hands to the bed in defeat. You were such a fuck up.

🌙

You avoided Andy for a few days. You found excuses to stay in your room when you weren’t working and even spent a good deal of time in the backyard, weeding the overgrown garden. It didn’t matter. Autumn was close and most of the plants were dead. It must have been her job, or maybe a cherished hobby.

Aside from Andy’s prickly nature, she made it harder. That stranger; Laurie. You were an imposter in her place; usurping her as she laid in a hospital entirely unaware. You only knew what the press put out. He never said much about it. Did you really expect him to? All he ever spoke about was you, the baby, and everything you did wrong.

After a rather long day at work, made longer by your suddenly returned appetite and the smell of cinnamon and coffee, you returned to the house and found yourself back in the yard. You sat at the patio table and scrolled through your phone. 

Felicia wanted to meet up the next night. You hadn’t told her yet. If she took you for drinks, as she always did, she’d figure it out pretty quickly. Well, why were you hiding it? You wouldn’t be able to for much longer. You already felt a little bigger, wider at least. Would it be so bad to tell? To not be alone?

You swiped away her text and bit your thumbnail. You’d think about it and send your answer before you went to bed.

The screen door clattered and you sat up straight. You looked up as Andy emerged and strode across the deck. He had a beer in hand and placed it on the glass table as he neared the other side of the table. His tie was gone, his top button undone, and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows.

“Here you are,” He said as he pulled out a chair and sat. “How was work?”

You shrugged and turned over your phone. “It was work,” You sat back and crossed your arms. “Do I ask you? Is that the right thing to do?”

He chuckled and popped the cap of the beer and took a swig. “Well, it was an exciting day. Had a defendant attack the judge. Didn’t get very close but a they took him out,” He turned the bottle on the table. “He got me good on his way out, even if he missed my face.”

You let your arms fall to rest over your stomach. You didn’t know what to say. Did he want pity? Surely you couldn’t relate to his courthouse crusades.

“Well, that sounds… scary.” You offered.

“It happens. Not a lot but you can never predict people,” He took another gulp of beer. “What are you doing out here? It’s gonna rain soon.”

“Yeah?” You looked up at the grey clouds. “I never minded the rain much.”

He was quiet as he picked at the label of his bottle. His toe tapped and he pushed his shoulders back.

“Your mother came to see me,” He said gently. “Said something about tossing your stuff out on the lawn.”

“Shit,” You winced. “She shouldn’t have--”

“You haven’t talked to her?”

“And say what, exactly? She made her feelings about me pretty clear.” You played with the case of your phone as you turned it over. “My dad called me but… I don’t care about all that shit.”

“We can go get it. It’s not--”

You laughed and shook your head. “Why? You’re so eager to erase my former life, why would you care?” You threw your hand up and planted your elbow on the table. “It’s just books. A few stuffed animals. I never really could afford much of value. The poor pauper girl.”

“I never--”

You stood and slid your phone into your pocket. You still wore the plain black shirt and matching pants from work. Your fly was half undone to relieved the pressure and your shirt had caught in your waistband. You pulled the hem down and pushed in your chair.

“I’m hungry. I’m going to get changed and make something to eat.” You said.

You left him there and went inside. After slipping into some leggings and a loose tee, you swept into the kitchen and surveyed your options. Some linguine with chicken and spinach. That didn’t sound too bad.

You pulled out a chicken breast and the cutting board. You put the water on boil and heated the frying pan. You started to chop up the chicken into chunks as you heard the back door. Andy appeared and set his bottle down across from you as he stood on the other side of the island. It gave a hollow clink; empty, already.

“So, what are you making?” He leaned on the marble.

“Pasta,” You answered curtly. “You have any hot peppers? Hot sauce?” You opened the fridge. “I wouldn’t mind something spicy.”

“Check the door,” He said. “You must be past the nausea. You know, I always heard the cravings were the worst part. I never really considered pickles anything to drool over but---”

“Stop, please,” You interjected as you turned back with a jar of banana peppers. You could dice them up and mix them into the sauce. “It’s miserable. All of it.”

He sighed and stood straight. He rounded the counter and opened the cupboard. He added oil to the pan and it crackled. He put it back and turned to grab the spinach and rinsed it in the colander. He set it on the counter and turned back to watch you slice the chicken.

“You gonna keep this up?” He asked.

“What?” You set the knife down and dumped the chicken into the pan and washed your hands..

“You gotta try to meet me halfway,” He turned.

“Meet you halfway? Andy, christ,” You spat as you stirred the chicken and seared it. “How much more can I give you?”

“Bit of courtesy, maybe,” He said. “I’m trying here but you won’t even--”

“There you go again, speaking to me like a child. I am not a child. Let’s start there,” You pointed at him with the spatula. “You should know that.”

He considered you, his blue eyes drifted then returned to you. He gave a small smile. “I definitely know you’re not a child.”

“I’m serious.”

He nodded and exhaled. “Alright, I’ll try to ease off.”

You squinted at him. “I really wanna believe you will.”

He scoffed and brushed past you. He went to the fridge and grabbed another beer. He flipped the cap off and leaned against the door.

“I’m a lawyer. I can’t help it.” He shrugged. “But for the sake… of the baby, I’ll take my foot off the pedal. A little.”

“Cool,” You set the spatula down. “So you won’t mind if I go out tomorrow night. My friend Felicia wants to have dinner.”

“Dinner?” He repeated. You raised a brow. “Yeah, fine. That sounds like fun.”

“Great,” You smiled and grabbed the linguine noodles. “And you know, you’ll get a night to yourself. Win-win.”

🌙

You texted Felicia after dinner and for the first time in a while, you felt excited about something. So excited you found it hard to settle down. A bigger problem because you had an opening shift the next morning and you were already constantly exhausted.

You laid in bed and tossed and turned. You stared at the ceiling, then rolled over and stared at the window, then tried laying on your stomach until your leg fell asleep. It was at least an hour of endless turmoil, trying to force yourself to doze, before you just resigned to blinking into the dark.

You listened to the gentle spatter of rain. As always, Andy was right. It was really annoying. You sighed and peeked out the window as the rivulets streamed down the glass. The moonlight shone through the droplets in silver orbs. You turned onto your side and counted them, hoping it would coax you to sleep.

Then you heard it. At first, you were certain it was nothing. The wind, maybe. But it continued, steady, slowly mounting. The heavy breaths coated with sultry groans. You froze and craned your head to look over your shoulder as you listened. You’d left your bathroom door open without thinking and could hear a little too much through the one at the other end.

You dropped your head back to the pillow as the voice continued; deep and drawn out. It wasn’t hard to guess what was going on; what the only other person in the house was doing. Andy was only human after all. Well, you’d fucked him almost on sight. You were no saint. Yet it felt so wrong, hearing him like that. Worse that as you closed your eyes, you could only imagine him in the other room with his hand…

You pulled the duvet over your ear and pressed your head to the pillow. You felt a tickle between your thighs and squeezed them together. Ignore it, just listen to the rain. But his voice only got louder and louder until it finally peaked in a sharp grunt. Your lips parted and you shuddered. He was done, thank god.

It was silent for a few minutes, all but the gentle patter of rain. Then the bed groaned through the wall and soft footsteps. You were tense as you listened, moreso as you heard him near the other side of the bathroom door. 

Shit, he had to clean himself up and… 

The door opened and you heard his feet on the tile. He let out a growled and cranked the sink on. Your door was still wide open. It sounded as if he was right beside you as the water flowed and his breathing evened out. He turned off the faucet but lingered in the bathroom.

Then he stood in the door to your room. You could feel him there, looking at you. You were thankful your back was to him. Slowly, he crept closer and you felt him looming over you, just at the side of your bed. Your nerves were on fire, every hair on your body was on end.

The blanket moved just a little as he tugged at it. You made yourself stay still as he paused, waiting for you to react. He let out a long breath and yanked harder to dislodge the duvet from under you. You squeezed your eyes shut, terrified. You should say something, do something, tell him to fuck off!

He bared your leg and the cool air raised goosebumps along your skin. Your shorts offered little coverage and had ridden up your ass. He let the blanket rest on the other side of your leg and his fingertips grazed your calf and thigh. He touched your ass and pressed more firmly against it.

Then suddenly he recoiled. You heard him swallow and he pulled the blanket back over you. He turned and retreated into the bathroom, your door clicking closed behind him, the second which led into his own room. The silence was pierced by his muffled voice.

“Shit.”

[vv3nti]

i mean it — part one

jj maybank x reader

summary: jj would take the fall for any of his friends, he’s always ready to intervene and save the day. whenever y/n needed his help without question he was ready to move the mountains for her, he would do anything for her even if it meant giving up a lot himself. 

warnings: drug usage, soft jj, i didn’t read this over yikes

inspired by the netflix original series the society and the heart-warming scene of jj taking the blame for pope so he could keep his scholarship. there is a chunk of dialogue from the society— all rights to them. 

a/n: hello this is my outer banks side-blog you can find my other writing here at @nostalthicc​. send some request. 

you never want to be the one on the outside looking in but for y/n’s friends that precisely what they were going through. for the last hour or so, kiara, pope, and jj have been posted outside of y/n’s room door waiting for her to let them in and explain what’s going on. she was honestly an open person, so this caught everyone by surprise, what would happen for y/n to spend hours crying in her room? none of them knew what to do or what to expect; that’s why the pogues stayed at her door listening to the horrifying sobs, waiting for john b to get here with some food and drinks.

“what do you mean she won’t come out?” john b asked calmly as he pinched the bridge of his nose, pondering for a solution. food didn’t work, nor did her favorite drink. they needed to get creative because everyone was restless, and jj was ready to kick down the door- this was strongly disapproved by all the pogues. “okay, okay, listen. clearly, she doesn’t want all of us to see her right now, so we send one of us, right?” everyone nodded in agreement before all their eyes trailed to jj.

he rolled her eyes, gesturing john b to give him goods, it was no lie when it came to jj and y/n, the two of them had an unbreakable bond, and they were hoping that would help him get through to the girl. “i’ll call you in an hour.”

once the rest of the pogues were gone, jj slid down the wall, he knocked a few times announcing he was the only one left but still no response. after many failed attempts, he did the only logical thing to do, jj pushed a perfectly rolled blunt under the door.

a few moments later, he heard her hoarse voice. “i don't have a lighter.”

a smirk graced his lips, jj knew weed would do the trick, it always does. he was close to sliding his lighter to y/n, but an idea popped into his head. “if you want it, you gotta open the door.” he hesitantly spoke, hoping it wouldn’t cause her to inclose herself back into the room but to jj's luck y/n opened the door. it was difficult for him to take in her appearance, her hair was a disheveled mess atop her head, her eyes and nose were red from crying, tear stains ran down her cheeks, and y/n had a broken look in her eyes. jj hated seeing his friend like this, he would give anything to see a smile on her face instead of her dull expression.

"stop starring and give me the lighter." y/n held her hand out. "please." she added, not looking the boy in his eyes in fear of him asking her more questions. but she should have none better; this was jj.

"hey, wait, wait, wait." he began, getting onto his feet. "you don't get to lock us out of your room when you're clearly hurting and then act as though nothing happened. uh-uh y/n, not with me. you and i both know i don't work that way."

"well, maybe you should have let kie or pope stay because i have every intention of pretending nothing happened. i'm fine." a scowl was evident on your face, but he knew she was hurting and trying to push him away, he'd done it a thousand times himself.

jj drew a long breath before stepping into the room, noting she didn't try to stop him. "doesn't matter. i'm here, and you are not fine, so tell me what's up."

y/n wanted to tell him, she really did, but none of this was his problem, y/n knew jj already had enough on his plate and didn't need to be plagued with her difficulties- none of them did. she needed to figure this out on her own, the pogues wouldn't help her get out of this one. the smoke from jj's hit drew y/n out of her thoughts, she hadn't even noticed he had made himself right at home on her bed.

"okay, hit me." he leaned towards the girl, handing her the lit blunt. she declined, turning away and dragged her fingers through the mess on her head. "something's definitely wrong, you don't want to smoke. what's going on, you opened the door for my lighter but not to light the blunt? that doesn't make a lick of sense, not one bit. you know you have to light it to smoke it, right?"

his rambling was overwhelming the girl, she couldn't even begin to think when jj wouldn't shut up. of course, she knew she had to light the blunt, she wasn't an idiot, but the consequences that came with the blunt weren't worth it. before jj could send her into another spiraling break down y/n rushed to the bathroom, unintentionally slamming the door. little did she knew it allowed jj the perfect opportunity to get some answers, which he indeed found.

"y/n, i'm not playing this game again, open the door." he hissed while tugging on the doorknob. "the rest aren't here to stop me, i will kick this down." silence. "i know, y/n, i know you're pregnant, just come out."

"i'm scared," she confessed, a sob raking through her body.

"i know, sweetheart, but if you open the door i can help you, we'll figure this out, okay?" jj smiled triumphantly when y/n slowly appeared, but it instantly faded when he regarded her broken stance. quickly he swept her into his arms, holding her in a tight embrace as she cried.

y/n momentarily pulled away. "i fucked up bad, i fucked up so bad. what am i supposed to do?" jj didn't want to engage in such a touchy conversation until she had calmed down and was in the right headspace, so he held onto her tighter, rocking back and forth.

when y/n finally regained herself and dried all her tears, the two were able to sit face to face, one pogue to another, and have the awaited conversation. although y/n would admit it, she was relieved to have the weight lifted off her chest.

"it's not mine, though, right? i don't remember anything, but i've been pretty drunk in the past." the boy teased, earning a small smile from his best friend, a smile he has been waiting to see for ages. y/n threw a pillow at his face claiming this wasn't a joking matter, but jj didn't miss the giggle passing her lips. "seriously, do you know who the father is?"

"i don't ever want you to ask me that question again ." y/n was slightly offended he would even fix his mouth to mutter such a question, but she pushed her offensive away to reply. "just respect that one thing,  i don't want him in my baby's life, ever. that's the end of it, don't ever ask me that again."

jj apologized; those were not at all his intentions, but he was curious about who had landed the girl, not many others. he had a few ideas of his own; however, he chose to not further push the subject. he adverted his attention and proposed more simplistic questions, the basics; when did you find out? how did you find out? how are you feeling? do your parents know?

most we easy, straight-forward questions, yet one specifically caught notice. "yes, they know, i needed to ask my mom for guidance, they just want to know who the father is and i can't tell them, i won't tell them, but i fear what will happen if i don't."

"this guy, you really don't want him anywhere near you or your baby?" jj entreated, y/n replied with a nod. she could see the wheels turning in his head, which never resulted in a good idea. "then i'll be the father, i'm the father, simple."

y/n eyes grew the size of saucers, she had no words, no thoughts, all she could do was stare closely at her friend who wore a look of eagerness upon his features. y/n wasn't sure she heard him right. "no, you don't have to do that?"

"why not? jj counted.

she scoffed, rolling her eyes at his attempt. "this isn't like taking the blame for me when i almost blew up the chemistry lab-."

"-god, you owe me so much."

"i'm serious, this isn't a joke, jj." she tucked a few fly-aways behind her air. "it's big, and it's forever. you don't get to say that if you don't mean it." a mix of emotions were coursing through her veins; sadness, confusion, anger, gratitude, hatred. y/n couldn't pinpoint exactly which one, but they all were making her dizzy.

"you're my best friend, and i love you. of course, i mean it." jj placed a light kiss on the top of her head, he often made impulsive decisions especially when they involved the people he loved, but this one felt right. y/n felt right, she had done so much for him, and he was ready to do this for her and the baby. his baby. "i'd do anything for you y/n, and that'll never change, i will do everything to protect the two of you."

she watched with admiration in her eyes as jj explained all the details, she has a new level of respect and love for him, one that can never be replaced. y/n was content; finally, an emotion she never thought would plague her being after she found out the news, she was awaiting the future, but the future didn't have as glorious as plans as the pair hoped for.

jj had convinced y/n it was best if they told her parents as soon as they got home, he didn't want her to face y/f/n and y/m/n's wrath any longer. they were typical, uptight, materialistic kooks, and he had soon how disapproving they could be up close and personal. once they were informed, y/n and jj could better plan for the future, like a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. maybe it didn't go as smoothly as they planned, but at least it was over with.

"a pogue?" y/n's mother gasped, earning a stone-cold glare from her daughter. her father's reaction was much less surprising as if he expected the news. "as if you hanging around them wasn't enough."

"y/m/n, calm down." mr. l/n spoke in a somber tone, sure maybe he wanted to throw around some unkind words of his own, he was keeping his composure together for his daughter's sake. "that's not what we need to focus on." he began, scratching at his chin. "i'll make an appointment with dr. chen on the mainland, we will help you financially, but we expect you two to show some initiative as well."

y/m/n scoffed, her eyes zeroed in of jj, disgust was written on her face. she hated pogues because she used to be one and since she married y/n's father. y/m/n had wholly forgotten where she came from. "we'd be better off sending y/n to live with your aunt, you think he will be able to support y/n and her baby."

"-our baby." jj intervened. "you're not sending her or my baby away. i may be a pogue, but i know better than anyone how important family is, and i will assure i will do everything for these two." y/n's heart clenched as he spoke, she couldn't help but feel guilty for the way her parents were treating him when the baby wasn't even his. he shouldn't have to worry about providing for the baby, none of this was fair, and y/n felt ashamed for allowing jj to do this.

shortly after jj's rant, the two were able to get out of there and away from her mother. now it all came down to somehow explaining this the pogues. the entire drive to the cut y/n kept asking the boy if he was absolutely certain he wanted to go through with this, that there was still time to back out and live his life, but jj continuously assured her this is what he wanted to do, and he wasn't changing his mind.

the group had mixed reactions, which jj and y/n had expected. john b was mainly confused as to how this happened, the pair had never shown a romantic interest in each other, or a sexual one either. many questions plagued through his head, but john b decided to wait because he understood how overwhelming this is for his friends. pope was freaking out, going on about how a baby is a lot of work and it's presence throwing off the dynamic of the group. he shared his troubles with y/n's schooling as well as other minor concerns, pope sounded more like their parents than a friend. and lastly kiara, she was a bit leerier about the subject, she was a hard believer of the no pogue on pogue macking rule and with good reason to. what's done is done, and she made it clear she was the baby's godmother, this caused john b and pope to start bickering about how got to be the godfather.

y/n was happy with her friend's reaction, sure they may not know the entire truth, but the pogues treat her or act any different. it was merely another hardship they'd have to face together because it takes a whole village to raise a child, right? but no all good things last and y/n's pregnancy announcement spread very fast through the outer banks, and it may have caught a certain kook by a bit of a surprise.

[thethistlegirl]

Comfortember Day 9 (Confessions)

@nevcolleil Here’s a LONG overdue continuation of the universe I wrote a while back for your prompt about Jack being Mac’s actual biological father! (For those of you who haven’t read it, the first part is here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17086982)

Jack sits in the GTO, wrapping his hands around the steering wheel and clenching and unclenching his fingers. Mac's probably still asleep after last night. Unaware that Jack is sitting out here holding onto a secret that's going to shatter his world more completely than even the most complicated bomb the kid's ever defused. Honestly, Jack isn't sure if maybe James was right. They were better off not knowing. Because there's a fifty-fifty chance that Mac will be so angry at Jack for leaving his mom that he'll never want to speak to him again. But now that he knows the truth, he'll be no better than James if he doesn't walk in there and tell Mac. About Ellen, about Kosovo, about everything. He owes his son the truth.

His son. It sounds so strange to even think that. Before he can lose his nerve, he gets out of the car, walks up to the door, and knocks. It takes a few tries, but finally a very sleepy, bed-head Mac wanders up to the door, checking the peephole, thankfully, before opening it. Jack has a sudden attack of emotion, thinking about what it would be like to be greeted by a smaller version of this very picture. Mac already looks like a teenager, and it doesn't take much to imagine him even younger, yawning and blinking at being woken up early. "What are you doing? Family don't knock." And that's what pushes Jack over the edge. He feels the tear trickling down his cheek without really having noticed it forming, and Mac's mussed figure looks blurred and watery, like Jack's looking into some magic mirror that's going to warp and show him the past he could have had. "Jack?" Mac sounds genuinely scared. "Kiddo, let's go out on the deck. I think we gotta sit down." Mac's face comes into sharper focus, worried. "What's wrong? Did you have a doctor's appointment? Are you dying? Like James?" Like James. Jack really is no better than that jerk. He's been railing on the man for leaving a kid behind. When he did the exact same thing. He can't decide if it's better or worse that he didn't know. "No." And that's all he says until they're both sitting down. The damn photograph is still there, sitting on the bench where Jack left it. Jack picks it up slowly. "There's something you don't know about your mom," he says hesitantly. "Wait. What?" Mac sits down. "Was there something in the dossier you got from Matty's that you didn't tell me?" "It wasn't in there, hoss." Jack sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I knew her. Last night, when you showed me this...I recognized her." He hands the picture frame to Mac. "How did you know my mom?" Mac asks, clearly confused. "I thought you said you didn't even come to California before you met me. You called it snob land. Said the only reason you'd even stay was to keep me alive." "James didn't tell you she was an agent." There's a terrible sound of shattering glass as the picture frame falls to the deck, and Jack stares at the shards like they're an oracle telling him what to say next. Because if Mac reacted this strongly to finding out what his mom really did, then telling him the rest is going to half kill him. "She what?" "Ellen Jackson was a black ops agent when I met her. Specialized in retrieval of items that fell into the wrong hands. We crossed paths on an op in Kosovo that went belly-up for us both." Jack sighs. "It was...an intense forty-eight hours. You know how those things are." Mac nods. "I still...I just...she..." And then his face goes white. "Is that..." "She died in a car bombing in Shanghai." Jack doesn't think it's wise to talk around the truth. There's a choked sob from Mac's side of the bench, but Jack can't stop the avalanche of pain now. He needs to get this out or he never will. "Mac, the two of us...after we met...we were involved for a while." He waits for some sort of disgusted reaction, but that's more Riley's department than Mac's. She's always the one with some sort of weird joke. Mac just...breathes. In and out like he's trying to stave off a panic attack. "Mac?" Jack isn't about to be selfish enough to put his need to tell the truth now over Mac's health and safety. "Do you...Are you okay?" He realizes it's a stupid thing to say the moment it leaves his mouth. "I just found out my mom was murdered, because she was an agent, and no one bothered to tell me, do I look FINE?" Mac practically screams. Okay, well, at least Jack getting cozy with his mom isn't the worst problem Mac has with this whole scenario. He turns to Jack, eyes shining with tears and wide like a panicked wild animal. "Did you KNOW?" "I didn't even know who your mom was till I saw that picture last night." He already said that once, but he doesn't expect Mac's grief-addled brain to recall that. Mac nods slowly, then picks up the frame, looking down at the broken glass. "So you remember her? You said you..." He trails off. "Don't think I could forget. And I don't mean that in a creepy way." Jack shrugs. "She was the kindest person I ever met. Even in a job that can make a person a monster." A monster like me. "I just still can't believe it." Mac sighs. "I mean, not you and my mom, but...okay maybe that too. Like, how weird would that have been?" He chuckles weakly. "You were this close to being my dad." "Bud, I am." The words hang in the air like the smoke from one of the campfires on a day when the air pressure settles in and traps the city smog. Mac doesn't move. Jack can't tell if he's even breathing. "Jack, this isn't funny." The words are a harsh monotone when they finally break the stillness. "Even for you. This is too much. Stop joking."

"I'm not. I talked to James this morning. He told me everything."

"That's impossible."

"No. Your mom and I were together in '89..."

"I know how it works. But you can't be my dad. You can't." Mac's shoulders have begun to shake. "That's not how things go."

"I'm so sorry..."

"You're fucking SORRY?" Mac shouts, and there's a thud, he's slammed the picture down on the bench. "Everyone's lied to me my whole life, and you're SORRY?"

Jack doesn't bother to say he didn't know. Mac's got to take his anger and grief out on someone. And better Jack than James or what few memories the kid has of Ellen. James will...Jack doesn't actually know what that man would do. And he doesn't want to taint Mac's few good memories. 

He shuts down, the way he knows all too well how to, while Mac yells and curses and even throws a couple sloppy punches. He can check out and take the hits. But when Mac begins sobbing, crumpling to his knees on the glass-strewn deck, Jack blinks and reaches for him.

Mac doesn't resist, letting himself be pulled into a gentle hug. Jack rocks him back and forth slowly, like he should have done twenty-eight years ago. He can't say it's okay. Or anything else. But he can hold his son while he cries. He can do that much.

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Nineteen

The drive was quiet. Robyn watched Chris out the corner of her eye as he drove. He seemed normal but there was something nipping at her that there was something going on. 

“Is there something wrong? Am I growing a second head or something?” Chris asked.

“No. Why would you say that?”

“I feel you staring at me.”

“Sorry. I just zoned out for a minute.”

“Oh.”

They made it through the whole day without much issue. After stopping for dinner, Chris drove them home. Anesa had fallen asleep in the car so Chris carried her to her bed while Robyn settled Christian in for the night. As she stepped into their bedroom, she watched as Chris dug through his nightstand and pulled out a pill bottle. Taking two pills and taking a sip of water, he put the bottle back.

“There is something wrong with you.”

Chris turned at the sound of her voice, “what are you talking about?”

“You’re taking medication again.”

“And?”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“When was I supposed to? It’s not like we’ve had a conversation in the last few weeks. We agreed for me not to push, remember?”

“Chris, I think you’re taking this way more personal than you need to.”

“Considering how personal this is, that statement is a bit asinine, don’t you think?”

“What medication are you taking?”

“Something prescribed by my doctor.”

“Christopher.”

“My anti-depressants.”

“Are you depressed?”

“Trying not to be, rather get into my preventative methods now before it becomes an issue.”

“Am I making you depressed?”

“You can’t make me anything. You can trigger me but you can’t make me depressed so no.

“Am I triggering you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Anymore questions?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No but I don’t want you to stay if you’re miserable either. I can’t get a handle of how you feel or what exactly you want from me. If staying here isn’t making you happy, maybe we need to find another way to coexist.”

“I guess.”

“Is this why you were staring at me in the car? Did you sense something?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Wasn’t the time”

“And now, all you got for me is an ‘I guess’”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Chris.”

“I just want you to talk to me. Like we used to talk. I feel like I’m losing my mind and myself in this meanwhile you’ve completely checked out. I am way more invested in this being an actual relationship than you are and-”

“And how would you even know that?”

“Because that’s all I’ve been shown. By all means, show me where I’m wrong and I’ll gladly change my point of view.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I’m not being sarcastic. I get nothing from you. Not a good morning. Not a hello. The only time you pretend to like me is when our children are in the room. Any other time, complete silence. Ignoring me like I’m invisible. Like I’m not even here.”

“Because Chris, on the topics you want to talk about, I have nothing to say.”

“Because you don’t care?”

“Because I’m tired. I’m hurting. I am just trying to make it through the day. I’m still bleeding. I can’t stand longer than 20 minutes. I can’t walk more than 15 minutes. Every other day I feel like my damn lungs are gonna collapse and all you want to fucking talk about is this relationship. I don’t get a damn how do you feel today, Robyn? For once in this lifetime, can somebody be worried about my damn health? That baby damn near ripped me in half and somehow only you get to be depressed. I can’t even look at myself in the damn mirror and you’re only concerned about why I’m not looking at you. You so worried about being this perfect husband to make up for before but guess what, I don’t care about you being my perfect spouse, can you just be my fucking friend? Can I get a hug without it being anything more? Can you sit with me and just be there? Why does everything have to be so damn emotional and complicated with you?”

“Robyn. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s not like you really wanted,” Chris noticed her chest starting to heave, he rushed over to catch her before she fell. He carefully held her to his chest, “I need you to just take deep breaths for me, Sweetie.”

“Chr-”

“I don’t want you to talk. Just deep breaths. In and out. I don’t want you to raise your blood pressure and I need you to catch your breath. Just slow.”

Robyn’s breathing started to gradually return to normal. Chris rocked her gently, “there you go. Slow breaths. In and out.”

A few more minutes passed before Chris felt comfortable having Robyn sit up in his lap, “how long have you been having breathing problems?”

“Since I left the hospital.”

“Did you tell your doctor?”

“He knows. He prescribed me some medication.”

“Have you been taking it?”

“Whenever I can’t breathe, yes.”

“Where is it?”

“In the nightstand on my side of the bed. It’s an inhaler”

Chris scooted across the floor to get closer to the nightstand and reached into the top drawer until he felt an inhaler and handed it to her. Robyn shook the item then placed it to her mouth and pressed down on the trigger twice. Chris wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against him. He kissed her temple and rubbed her arm, “have you had any seizures or anything?”

“No, he put me on an anti-seizure medication too. Before you ask, I take it every morning.”

“We’ve really been disconnected these past few weeks, huh?”

“Not exactly by accident.”

“I can admit that.”

“Chris, what are we doing here? Nothing about this is working.”

“If I knew, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. This wasn’t how I imagined us being together again. Maybe I should've listened to you.”

“This isn’t an “I told you so” moment. Clearly, you saw something I didn’t and maybe we were both wrong but we’re here now, we gotta figure something out.”

Chris sighed as he continued to rub her arm, “I have an idea. It might sound crazy but it’s something.”

                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chris, this feels so silly. I know you’re right down the hall,” Robyn remarked as she stared at the black screen of her laptop. 

“I know but clearly, we need to ease back into this communication thing because we definitely got off track somewhere.”

“And how is this supposed to work?”

“Part of the appeal of how we met again was us not seeing each other. All we got to react and respond to were our words, not our body movements or facial expressions. I think we should start there and ease our way back to normal.”

“Chris, I don’t know.”

“Let’s try it and if it doesn’t work we’ll go back to the drawing board.”

Robyn sighed, “I guess. So how are we doing this?”

“We’ll pick a topic to discuss. One topic and we’ll hash our issues out one at a time.”

“You picking or me?”

“You can pick.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were back on your antidepressants?”

“I didn’t think it was relevant or that you even cared. We weren’t talking and barely shared a room.”

“But that’s a completely separate issue from your health.”

“Sure but I could say the same thing about you and I actually took you to your doctor’s appointments.”

“You never asked. Literally not since the day I came home from the hospital have you made any inquiries about my health.”

“Robyn, I do everything that I can for you all the time.”

“You do what you THINK I need you to do, never once have you asked me. I need you to sit with me and give me a hug way more than I need you to get me a glass or water. I need you to walk around the block with me way more than I need you to pick out my clothes. I need your presence, not your labor.”

“I didn’t think about that.”

“I can admit that maybe I should’ve said something but trying to talk to you when you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong is really hard. And not that you were doing anything wrong but what you were doing wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t doing for me what you thought it was and that is so much harder to explain without sounding ungrateful.”

“I’ve never thought you were ungrateful.”

“You just thought I was being a bitch.”

“Well….yea.”

Robyn chuckled, “I’ve been struggling with this recovery and learning how to accept this new Mommy me and trying to do that while navigating your emotions has me short-circuiting. I checked out to save my sanity not to hurt you.”

“Hearing this, I can understand that and I sincerely apologize for not being that safe space for you like I promised to be. You were just moving around so comfortably, it never occurred to me that something was wrong and then when you started ignoring me or snapping at me, I just thought it had to be something I did.”

“All this time I’ve been telling you that everything is not about you.”

“Well you’ve been telling me that in the middle of a disagreement, kind of hard to take that at face value.”

Robyn laughed, “I can accept that.” 

“So now what exactly are we doing here?”

“This Mr. Brown was your idea, did we meet our first goal?”

“I think we’ve made a good start. You?”

“It is a bit easier not having to worry about whether my facial expression is going to offend you or not.”

“You do have a hell of a poker face, you must admit.”

“I do. Can I see my boyfriend now?”

“You would like my presence?”

“I would like it very much.”

“On my way.”

Within a few moments, Chris playfully plopped on the couch beside her and pulled her into his arms.

“I know I didn’t say it on the call but I am really sorry, I just-”

“Don’t apologize because I understand what you did and why you did it. Me, of all people, should’ve seen the signs but I was so laser focused on the relationship, I wasn’t focused on you and that is ultimately my fault,” Chris replied.

“It’s not your job to be a psychic.”

“No but if I wanted you to notice what was going on with me, I should’ve been just as vigilant with you, right?”

“I’m not gonna disagree.”

Chris laughed, “our babies are asleep. It is still fairly early, what do you want to do?”

“Sit here with you.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Thank you for talking with me.”

                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait a minute, all this shit was going on with you and you didn't tell us,” Melissa said with a frown.

“It wasn’t like that, honestly. There was so much going on with the kids and Chris, I really didn’t want to be bothered with anybody,” Robyn replied.

“Sis, with so much going on, that’s exactly when you need to be bothered with us. Just like before, you wait until things get horrible before you say anything. It’s not good for either of you.”

“You’re right.”

“Does Chris have any friends?”

“None that I’ve seen him hang out with. He’s literally been either here with me or at work since we’ve been back together.”

“He doesn’t go out on the weekends or nothing.”

“Not that I know of. Then again, I can only speak for when I started living with him, what he did before that I don’t know.”

“Well what do either of you do to relieve stress?”

“I watch TV or whatever. Usually he’ll work out when he’s finished with classes but other than that, nothing.”

“You don’t go anywhere?”

“I can’t go anywhere. It’s not like I can freely walk around, I have to take the damn wheelchair.”

“I was wondering why you still using it.”

“I cannot breathe half the time. I am on anti-seizure medication and I cannot stand for more than 15 minutes. Yes, I still need the wheelchair.”

“What did your doctor say?”

“It’s complications from the pregnancy, and the seizure I had after my c-section. My body just hasn’t recovered yet.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Tell me about it. The only time I really get outside is when I take my walks which is really just me pushing my wheelchair around the neighborhood until I can’t walk anymore, since I get tired so easily.”

“So what about after the kids are settled?”

“I go to sleep. I don’t know what Chris be doing.”

“Y’all are in the same room.”

“No. He sleeps in the guest room.”

“So y’all haven’t-” Melissa gave Robyn a look and she laughed.

“No Melissa, we haven’t had sex. We haven’t slept together since-  in over 4 months.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I’m not in the condition to be fucking.”

“Ok but no foreplay? No nothing?”

“Nothing. We just started actually being nice to each other like two days ago, fucking was pretty much off the table even if I was healthy enough to engage in it.”

“Y’all really have changed because back in the day, mad or not, y’all used to get it in. WIth other people in the same house too.”

Robyn laughed, “we were young, horny, and carefree. Wasn’t nothing that serious to not have sex over.”

“And why can’t it be like that now?”

“Experience changes things.”

“That’s true.”

“It’s hard to get aroused by someone you just wanted to choke five minutes ago.” Melissa laughed, “you are so right, Sis. Sometimes Juan drives me to drink. It’s just-ugh.”

“Men.”

“Tell me about it. So about this new method y’all are trying?”

“Chris made a point of how more open we were when we couldn’t see each other. He thought maybe we should do a voice only video chat so we could focus on our actual words and not the delivery. It was weird at first but it kind of worked.”

“That’s great. I am concerned about neither of you discussing your health issues. Y’all could’ve both been severely injured and neither would’ve never known.”

“We did agree that was a childish assumption we both made about each other. He wants to invite me to sit in on one of his therapy sessions.”

“Really? Are you gonna do it?”

“I don’t know. I kind of feel like I’m invading his safe space.”

“Or he wants you to be a part of his safe space. I think it’s sweet.”

“I guess. I’m gonna have to think about it. We’re still in a new space right now and I don’t want to rush anything.”

“That’s understandable. So what’s the plan?”

“We don’t really have one. We’ve been pretty much winging it from  day one, no need to stop now.”

Melissa laughed, “so he is moving back into the bedroom?”

“He says he is but we’ll see what happens tonight.”

“Y’all going back upstate today?”

“We were supposed to after he checked in with his bosses but that should’ve been over hours ago now that I think of it.”

“Maybe he wanted to give you time to hang out with your friends. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

“That’s because you won’t make that 2 hour drive.”

“You say that like 2 hours isn’t long as hell.”

“It really isn’t. Just get Juan to drive you up then.”

“He hates driving, that’s why we live in the city. Public transportation.”

“Ugh, y’all suck.”

Melissa laughed, “so how’s my babies?”

“They are good. Anesa is growing overnight and Christian is just the cutest little chunk.”

“Aww…” Robyn handed Melissa her phone to look at some pictures, “they are just adorable. Nesa with all that hair.”

“Girl….I thank God Leandra taught me how to braid because her hair is too much.”

“Christian’s hair is gonna grow a lot too.”

“Hopefully he’ll want to cut it when he’s older especially if it grows like his father’s.”

“I think he should grow it out.”

“We’ll see. Mel, can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“You ever regret not having kids?”

“No. I don’t think parenting is for everybody. I love kids, don’t get me wrong but everything that comes with having children is just not for me.”

“Oh.”

“You know Lele’s thinking about having another one?”

“With Max?”

“With who else? I wish she would just marry that man and get it over with.”

“I thought they did get married in PR and just didn’t say anything about it.”

“Them two clowns didn’t go through with it. She got into it with his mother then her and Max got into it so it didn’t happen. Waste of my damn money.”

Robyn laughed, “well, you did get a vacation out of it.”

“That’s true.”

“What did they argue about?”

“His mother didn’t like the fact they were technically eloping, Max had the nerve to slightly agree with her and Lele let him have it. Told him to marry his mother if he wanted a traditional wedding so bad.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, she did.”

“That girl is wild.”

“Ch...they are all a mess.”

“I wonder if she’s already pregnant to be honest.”

“It would explain her wanting to have all three kids together all the time. Getting some practice, maybe.”

“Let’s ask her.”

Robyn called Leandra on FaceTime and waited as it rang. Within a few moments, her face came on the screen, “what’s up old bitches?”

“I know you aren’t cursing in front of my children,” Robyn said.

“Do you see them anywhere in the background? So, no.”

“Whatever. What you doing?”

“Taking a break while the kids are taking a nap. When y’all coming back from lunch?”

“In a little bit. Got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“You pregnant again?”

“Who told you?”

“Nobody. So you are and didn’t say anything?”

“I’m still in the first trimester. I always wait until the second to say anything. How’d you know?”

“It was just a wild guess since Mel said you were considering having another baby.”

“Yea, I figured I get the last one out the way while my eggs still worked.”

Robyn laughed, “you are so stupid. So how’s Daddy taking it?”

“Max is happy. He’s been talking about it since Maxwell turned one.”

“Well that’s good. So why didn’t you tell me you and him didn’t get married over vacation?”

“Because I was still mad his short neck Mama messed it up. He was perfectly fine with just us, two witnesses and the preacher until she came in spouting Spanish and getting on my nerves. “Oh, no one in our family elopes. You already had a baby out of wedlock, at least have a real wedding.” I was two seconds from cussing her out so I just cussed her son out instead.”

“Lord Le.”

“Look, me and her have stayed out of each other’s way the entire time me and Max have been together. That was not the day for her to decide to find a voice and start sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I guess.”

“So when’s your wedding?”

“I don’t remember saying I was having one.”

“You might as well, you already had a baby with the man.”

“I just started talking to him again this week, let’s not.”

“Y’all finally stop being childish, huh?”

“Whatever.”

“You were the one calling my house, thinking you were about to drive an hour and a half in the middle of the night to pick up your kids just so you didn’t have to talk to him. Childish is the correct term.”

“You don’t have to remind me.”

“So you’re talking? Are y’all fucking yet?”

“I physically cannot have sex right now.”

“Your stuff still split open?”

“Leandra!”

“What? I had a baby, I remember those first few months.”

“I’m still bleeding. My lungs are trash and I can’t stand or walk for longer than 15 minutes.”

“Did the seizure do that?”

“Yea.”

“Oh I’m sorry Boo. I guess ever having another one is out of the question.”

“Oh of course. Once I’m stable, I am getting my tubes tied. I got my baby and I am good. He wants more then we’ll just adopt again.”

“That’s true.”

“Are y’all gonna get married at some point?”

“Probably in a few weeks. I don’t want to be all bloated and shit on my wedding day, even if it is us just standing in front of the judge. Our license is still good, we just gotta get the final part done and we’re married.”

“Me and my wheelchair will be there this time.”

“Good because it’s happening in NY. I am not wasting anymore money going out of town just for his Mama or somebody to ruin it. No go.”

Robyn laughed, “I hear that. Well Mel and I will be there in a little bit. Get some rest, Mommy to be.”

“I am. Luckily Christian sleeps so well.”

“He’s a good baby.”

“Yea. Well see y’all in a while.”

“Alright Le.”

Robyn hung up and turned to Melissa, “what else you wanna do before I gotta get the babies?”

“Let’s go in Nordstrom real quick.”

“Let’s do it.”

[qvid-pro-qvo]

a nightmare or two can’t keep me from you (part one)

aos!leonard mccoy x female!reader, who’s a nurse on the starship enterprise.

word count: 5043

rating: mature, for nightmares and hurt/comfort

part three of more than a game, you and me.

Leonard’s recovered from his injury, but unfortunately your brain and your past refuses to the let the both of you rest. 

“You’ll never be good enough for him,” Christine laughed, and your throat closed up with the tears that were starting to form.

“You don’t mean that,” you managed, but her smile was cruel, and your mouth fell open in horror as she just started laughing. “He cares about me, Chris.”

“Oh, honey. It’s just the truth. You’re… not… good enough.” With a flick of her hair she turned towards the biobed you both stood over, and another voice, too familiar echoed behind you.

When you whirled to face it, the room had changed. No longer were you on a starship, but a Federation hospital. Starfleet Academy, seen from the window, the room empty except for the doctor by the door.

“You’ll never be good enough. Not with that bleeding heart of yours,” he laughed, and anger rushed through you, your strides bringing you nose-to-nose with him. 

“I work here, Eric, just like you,” you snapped back. A finger raised to point at him, press into his chest. “I can expose you. To your patients, to your peers. To the whole medical community. They’ll see you for what you truly are.”

The shrug you got back was anything but scared, and when your finger dropped it was with the realization that he was still smiling.

“Don’t worry. You won’t for long. As long as you keep up the act, you’ll never be good enough to work here. And you definitely won’t be good enough to save him.”

The scowl dropped off of your face. Something cold settled in your gut. “Who?”

But the only response was laughter, his head tossed back in unbridled glee, and as you stumbled back it was into Christine’s body, her own laugh pinning you between them. It was so loud it was all you could hear, all you could think about, the room shaking with it, the ground cracking under your feet.

“Who – who do you mean?” You had to yell, but the sound was overwhelming.

And then it hit you. Who Eric meant, and your face went pale.

“No…”

“Yes.” And with a shove, you stumbled back, falling, the ground opening up beneath you, swallowing you whole, their laughter cruel and following you all the way down, down, down…

-

Your eyes flew open. The scene around you vanished, replaced with the calm of your quarters. Your limbs were locked, your hands clutching at your hair, and as your heartbeat pounded against your chest you could barely breathe. It took ten minutes for your breathing to settle, for you to ground yourself with what you could – the feel of your sheets instead of sand, the sight of the time blinking at you from your alarm clock, the dryness of your mouth.

“Computer,” you called out, “raise the lights.”

Slowly the black lifted, and your eyes adjusted quickly, your hands reaching to pull your hair up into a knot before you thought about it too much. If you did, well. You might vomit, and that wouldn’t be fun to clean up.

“Computer. Time?”

“The time is 0315.”

Three hours before you were supposed to wake for your shift.

And yet again, another nightmare. Third one that week, and your jaw clenched with the realization.

They were getting worse.

It had started pretty soon after Leonard had gotten injured. Those couple of weeks in between, when he was floating in and out of consciousness, the dreams were nothing more than haze, and you woke up from them with a start, a need to catch your breath. That was it. They didn’t seem to follow you, and often you could fall asleep right after. But these dreams? They were not those dreams.

After you and Leonard had made up, the two of you had cemented your relationship, but all the dreams had done was escalate. Soon, they were startling you awake every other week, then every week, and finally every other day until you could barely get through a night without at least one. Sometimes you could fall back asleep, and sometimes you couldn’t, but, fortunately, all in all they’d been nothing but nebulous. A haze, a sudden start, and then you were up. The feeling of fear, with nothing to stand on. You could go on to work, let the feeling subside.

Not now. Not this.

This was something more. These dreams, now, were your fears, your greatest fears, the ones you thought you had confronted with Leonard, had moved past. These were choking, suffocating you, as you remembered the way Eric would look at you, as you thought about Christine informing you just how incompetent you really were. She hadn’t started showing up until she’d gotten promoted, the newest head nurse a source of your feelings of inadequacy.

With a sigh, your eyes opened. Slowly you rolled over to the edge of the bed, feet touching the cold floor. Your hands rubbed over your face, and when you stood, it was shaky. The shower was your next stop, and you managed to wash, but when you got out from the warmth, that chill still lingered. You could still hear Christine’s tone, so… so cruel. She’d never sounded like that, not really, but you could hear it, plain as day.

You still had two and a half hours to kill, too.

Fuck.

-

“Y/N? Hey, Y/N? Hello?”

Your eyes stared straight ahead, didn’t react. Didn’t move. You only startled when Christine’s hand waved in front of your face. When you looked at her, she was offering you a cup of coffee, something you took with a small smile.

“Thanks,” you managed. “Long night.”

“I’ll say,” she responded, raising a brow before placing a hand on your back. Slowly, she moved you back to a biobed, moving you to sit on it. “Mind if I do a few scans?”

“I’m just tired, Christine,” you told her, but she just smiled, reaching for her tricorder to run up and down your body.

“You look more than tired. You look exhausted, I’d say.” Her voice was matter-of-fact, almost sharp, and when you heard it you winced, closing your eyes. It made her pause, and with a glance around she pulled the privacy curtain. You heard the scrape of the metal-on-metal, and when it was over you opened your eyes again, looking up at Christine.

She didn’t say anything at first, arms crossing over her chest, but when she did her voice was soft. “Is something wrong, Y/N? Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened, Christine,” you whispered, but Christine moved to sit next to you, a hand reaching to hold yours. “I just had a long night.”

“A long night doesn’t make you flinch from me, Y/N,” your friend told you, and you looked up at her with a sigh before looking at the look in her face. It was concerned, more than a little, and you could almost read her mind. What you realized made your mouth fell open. “Did something happen… with your man?”

You could barely speak, the shock making you laugh, almost. “Christine, I – I had a nightmare last night,” you told her, and she just raised a brow.

“Y/N, if you’re in trouble –“

You immediately stood up. Your voice was low, hushed, as the privacy curtain couldn’t block out sound. “No. Christine, Leonard is not at fault. He did not do… whatever the hell you’re thinking. He didn’t do anything.” A hand reached up to tug at your updo, and when you turned to look at her she was standing, too. “I’m serious, Christine, I had a fucking nightmare. They’ve… all I’ve been having lately.”

That made her pause, and when you looked at her she stepped forward. “Do you want to talk about them?”

“No, Christine,” you mumbled, but she kept pushing, taking another step towards you.

“Y/N, we can just chat. There’s no patients right now…”

“I’m fine, Head Nurse Chapel,” you snapped. Her eyes widened, and you sighed, reaching up to rub your fingers on your temples. How were you supposed to say that she’d become a central figure? How could you take that back?

Her hands raised in surrender, but you just sighed, reaching to pull the privacy curtain back again. “I’m okay, Christine,” you told her. “Really, I am. But I have a shift.”

You knew there’d be eyes on you – it wasn’t exactly inconspicuous – but you ignored them to go back to your desk, looking over the appointments and what was coming up.

You didn’t meet her eyes for the rest of the day. When you apologized, it was quick, and she just managed a small smile at you.

“You should tell him about it, Y/N. And if not him, then me, and if not me, then Scotty.” Her voice was sweet, and when you sucked up all your guilt and looked at her she was nothing but a small smile and a kind voice. “Really. It’ll make you feel better.”

“Leonard’s got other things to worry about,” you told her. “And. Really. I’m fine.”

“Y/N…”

“Christine. Really. I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta get some food.” You started walking out, walking backwards, offering the smallest hint of a smile. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

You didn’t stay to hear her reply.

-

This. This was bliss.

Your eyes scanned the horizon, watching the ocean pushed and pulled the sand, feeling the waves just barely tickle your toes. The chair you were sitting in didn’t budge, but you reached down to pile a little more sand against the legs anyway. Reassurance for your mind, so that you could continue basking in the sunshine. Your eyes fluttered closed, the warmth infectious, your limbs loose…

“Please tell me you’re wearing sunscreen, darlin’. That ball in the sky might look far away, but it’ll kill ya.”  

The voice sent a different kind of heat through you. The low gravel, the way it lingered in your ears. It made your eyes open, and you offered a smile as you look up, shielding your eyes from the aforementioned sun.

“Now, Leonard. I thought we decided to enjoy shore leave,” you teased, and he chuckled in reply. You were glad that he’s managed to at least lose the tension in his shoulders, let the sun freckle them maybe through the white t-shirt he had donned.

His sunglasses slid a little down his nose, and he peered over them, an exaggerated look over making you roll your eyes. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m definitely enjoying the view.”

“I’m sure you are.” Your eyes turned back toward the sea, and you find yourself scanning the area again. Taking it all in. When you looked back, you were grinning. “You know, Jim recommended I tie you to a chair. Make you enjoy the sunshine.”

But when you looked up, Leonard wasn’t facing you. His mouth had fallen open, his sunglasses in danger of falling.

“Leonard?” Your voice was still light, but he didn’t look at you, and your whirled around to see where he’s facing.

Silence. An ominous nothing. A crowded beach, suddenly empty. The sun, once so bright, vanished, and the cloudy sky made a chill settle over the air.

“Leonard, maybe we should head back to the… the parking lot,” you said, and the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. You whirled around to face him, ready to urge him back to where you’re staying on-planet.

But… but Leonard was hurt. Bleeding, both hands of his cupped over where the gash was, where his side was sliced open. And when your eyes dropped to where he stood, the sand was bloodied. Slowly, steadily, it pooled. Spread. The deep red washed over your feet as you leapt to standing position. The tide came it, splashed you, and the feeling made stumble backwards, each step dragging his blood with you. You knew it was his blood, you saw it – you saw him, stumble in, Jim holding him up, looking so damn pale it scared you, the hole in his side from skin ripped like it was paper, his leg broken so bad it looks near close to ninety degrees. He had moaned out your name, at that point, calling to you, reaching for you, and you froze. You froze on him and watched as he bled out onto the floor of the med bay…

“Y/N…”

His voice was so loud in your ear, it echoed around the whole damn ship. You heard it on Commander Spock’s communicator, a ship-wide broadcast that made your hands come up to your ears. “No.” Leonard. He was dead, and you killed him, you knew it, your gut clenching with horror.

“Y/N…”

“No!” Your head was pounding, and all you could hear was Leonard’s voice. It bounced all around, mocking you, haunting you. “No, please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you begged. “I’m sorry, please, no…”

“Y/N!”

-

Your eyes flew open.

Leonard.

Before you could think you were dressing, your chest moving with your rough heaves of air. A shirt, yanked over your head, and nothing else mattered except getting out of there, getting to safety. You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t think, and so your feet carried you to the only place you felt you could go, pounding on the sliding door.

He had to be okay. God, what if he wasn’t okay?

When it opened, you were falling forward, into a chest, and the body you rushed into stumbled back, back into the quarters. You were caught, thankfully, but it was with hands holding you at an arm’s distance, and when you looked up into his eyes they were squinted, Leonard’s hair in wild directions and his mouth twisted into a scowl.

“What the hell – Y/N?”

“I just – I needed… oh, god…”

You couldn’t speak. Anything you tried to say got caught in your throat, and when his daze cleared slowly his face transformed from frustration to concern. Concern that evolved into worry as you shoved past him into his room and promptly vomited into the waste chute.

“Y/N, what the hell happened to you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

A blink. Two. Three. Your head lifted, and you stumbled to stand, but even shaking your head didn’t clear it. The room didn’t change, dark and deep and unclear, and you felt tears begin to well up in your eyes, blurring the quarters further into obscurity.

“Y/N, it’s me, okay? Computer, lights, 45%. Y/N, it’s Leonard. Can you hear me? I’m right here, it’s all right.”  

You could, you could hear him, but the sound of his voice was soft, nothing like what filled your head just moments before. And it couldn’t be him, not really.

You had just watched him die, after all.

Slowly the room began to focus. The tears, built up enough, fell down your cheeks. And when you finally looked at the man across from you, your vision cleared enough to see him, to see Leonard, eyes wide, face pale, and arm reaching out to you.

“I’m right here, darlin’,” he whispered, and a guttural cry tore out of you as you stumbled forward to reach him. When you collided, his arms wrapped so tightly around you that for a moment your breath was gone, and you ended up sobbing into his bare chest.

“You – you died,” you stuttered out, and his arms squeezed you. Your own hands, shaking, were trapped between your bodies, leaving you unable to find where he was hurt, where the wound was. “Leonard, I watched, I watched you die, and there was so much – so much blood – and then you were just gone…“

“I didn’t, I didn’t die, Y/N,” he hissed out, and he pulled away from you to cup your face in his hands. The tears didn’t stop, but he did his best to wipe them away. “You saved me, remember? I got hurt, but you saved me. You and Christine, and Dr. M’Benga.”

He sounded so sure, but it was so fresh. The way the blood seemed to lap at your ankles, the smell of it, copper clogging every sense you had.

“Y/N? Look at me. Not through me, at me,” he urged, and your focus, over his shoulder, snapped back to him, to his face. The color had returned, and he looked… vibrant, lifelike, real. “I’m here. Right now, I’m right here.” His hands, almost blistering hot, reached down to cover yours, lifting them to his face so you could feel his clean shave, moving down his cheek over his neck. You could feel his pulse, pounding through the skin. As you stared at his face, slowly you let yourself look into his eyes, your gaze darting back and forth between them.

“You’re… alive,” you whispered, and his breath rushed out of him, pulling you back into an embrace that you sob into, relief flooding every sense you had. “I thought I lost you, oh, fuck, Leonard, I thought you’d gone…”

“You saved me. Y’hear me? I’m right here.”

-

An hour later, your legs were crossed on his bed, and a mug held something warm and hot he got for you to nurse. Your fingers curled tightly around the drink so that you could snag every inch of heat, bolstering the efforts of the sweatshirt he’d let you borrow from his drawers. “Georgia Bulldogs” was scrawled across your chest in bold vintage letters because of it, and normally that’d get some kind of grin from him, but he was too busy gathering the clothes you had sweat through into a pile.

“Look, I’ll call in,” he reminded you, again, the bundle of clothes set in a chair before he turned to look at you. “You know we don’t get much more than broken fingers and fistfights on a day we’re not planning an expedition.”

“I have a job that I have to report to, too, y’know,” you snapped back, but it was weak, barely biting as he came and settled next to you. “You don’t have to babysit, I’m a big girl.”

“It’s not ‘babysitting’,” Leonard told you, and before you could stop yourself you were curling into him, his arm instinctively wrapping around your shoulders. He was like a furnace, and you turned your nose into him, taking a deep breath to catch remnants of his cologne from the evening before. “And like hell I’m lettin’ you catch that shift anyway. You need to rest. I’m not your primary physician, but I can still make that call.”

Any fight you had in you wilted. Working didn’t seem appealing in that moment anyway, not when all you saw when you closed your eyes was a body bag in a biobed. “You really gonna offer me a prescription? It was a nightmare, Leonard. It happens,” you sighed, and you felt his smile against your hair before you felt the kiss.

“At the very least, a day in bed.” His free hand reached to snatch the mug away from you, your grip loosening as you sunk into his embrace. But when he pulled away, the cup now safe on the bedside table, you caught the glimpse of his frown.

“What’s that look for?” you asked, and when he looked down at you his brow was furrowed. You could feel him tense up through his clothing, and after a moment without a response, you pulled back from his grasp, meeting his gaze. “Leonard. What?”

“Darlin’,” he murmured, and your jaw clenched, not liking where this was going. “Christine came to me the other day. Said… well, mentioned that you hadn’t been sleeping well.”

“… did she?” Your voice was tight, and his hands moved to run up and down your arms, trying to comfort, soothe. “Well. Seems like a betrayal of confidence.”

One hand immediately moved to guide your chin, making your eyes meet. “It was a slip of the tongue, Y/N. She didn’t mean to, but I had made a comment about how rundown everyone seemed to be and it just happened to come up,” he said sharply, cutting off that train of thought before it could fester in your tired mind. The fact that Christine and Leonard had discussed it at all still hurt, but you let your body relax, nodding for him to continue. “I got worried, I asked her to talk about it, and. I just need to know… are they all like that?”

“You don’t have to be worried, Leonard, I’m fine,” you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest, but Leonard shook his head.

“Christine didn’t exactly start the worry. You think I haven’t noticed how worn you’ve been looking? Your eyes barely stay open more than a few minutes.” When you pulled away, it was because his eyes were so sad, and you had to push away from it before you started crying all over again.

When you felt hands on your shoulders, you didn’t fight it, but your eyes didn’t meet his until after the pregnant pause.

“Y/N. Are the nightmares all like that?”

He was concerned. He had the right to be. He was your partner, he was there for you, and you knew that. You also trusted him, more than anyone else on the damn ship, right up there with Christine and Scotty.

Still. The way his eyes seemed to take you all in made you feel just as vulnerable as the day he’d gotten blasted, and you felt bare without a chance to cover up.

“Are they?”

A moment passed, and you opened your mouth to answer, but something caught in your throat, and your eyes closed tight as you nodded.

“God, Y/N. Why didn’t you mention them sooner? How long’s this been goin’ on? How long have you had ‘em?” He wasn’t yelling, he wasn’t even loud. But the questions were bombarding you, one after the other, and you had to stand, wrenching yourself from his grip. The physical distance in that moment was what stopped you from bolting, a hand reaching up to curl into your own hair.

“I – I don’t know, Leonard. It was, fuck, it was after you recovered, and I thought they’d go away,” you blurted. He stood to follow you, but you took a step back, reaching out to make him just wait, just wait a damn second while you explained. “And then, they didn’t. They just didn’t. They got worse, but you were past it, way past it, and I didn’t want to weigh you down with them. You needed rest, not… not me knocking on your door in the middle of the night.”

The hand you held out to him started shaking. He reached out to you again, and this time you didn’t pull away, letting him inch closer so he could wrap you up again, hold you against his body.

“I’m sorry.” You were crying, now, an aftershock of the horror. There was no scramble to grasp reality, just a flood of guilt, of shame out of nowhere. “I know, I should’ve told you, but I really thought they’d be gone by now.”

“Don’t be, god, don’t be sorry about a damn thing,” he whispered. His voice sounded pained. “It wasn’t any of my business if you didn’t want to tell me. Just. Know, that you can tell me. Anything.”

Moments passed you by. They could be hours. But before long, you realized he was slowly leading you back to bed, and your eyelids were starting to heavy again. It was exhaustion, emotional and mental limbo, that helped you settle against him when the blankets were thrown to the side. His warmth and the weight of your covers added to the daze.

The world faded in and out for the rest of the night. Every so often, you’d startle awake, remembering the horrors you saw, a full nightmare unable to take shape but a new scenario making your blood run cold. And each time, he’d be there. Same place, curled around you, sometimes just watching and waiting so he could give a little smile.

You were conscious, but only just, when you heard Leonard’s voice, low, muttered. Felt the vibrations of it in his chest.

“Four years of medical school,” he whispered. “Four years of undergrad in fucking Mississippi. Years of experience, on this goddamn starship. I’ve seen humanoids and alien races that’d make your eyes bulge outta your head, and even after all of that, I – I feel like an idiot.”  

His credentials. Bullet points, like a resume, for no one to hear but the computer all around. He thought you were sleeping, surely.

“I wish I had a prescription, Y/N. A shot, a pill. I’d fucking beg for it. But all of that school, all of that time treating people, and I felt like a goddamn intern all over again. Stupid. Useless. You’re in… in so much pain you can hardly stand it, and I can’t – I can’t do anything. I can’t help.”

His breath shuddered. You felt him shift, and one of his hands lifted. You could see it, him pinching the bridge of his nose, his hand moving through his hair. One of his tells. His signs.

“But… Y/N, I’m alive. I’m here.” His voice, previously floated above your head, is now in your ear, urgent, fierce in its conviction. “I’m gonna be here, you got it? I’m here, and I’m holding you, and I’m never gonna let you go. Do you hear that? I’m right here.”

And, thank the stars, that’s what you fell asleep to. Next to him, his warmth around you.  

-

When you woke up, there was humming.

For a moment, the world was blurry, just enough that your heart rate spiked and your body froze. Another nightmare, another terror. You waited for it to take shape, and then… realized it wasn’t. There was no shifting. No sudden change in the wind.

Your hand lifted to rub at your face, and with it the bed shifted. The humming got a little louder, and you realized Leonard was still there. Still in bed with you, barely moved from when you’d fallen asleep against him. When you shifted again, Leonard moved with you – one of his hands lifted to rest in your hair, the other holding the PADD.

You didn’t say anything immediately, just let yourself soak it in. The fingers in your hair settled on your scalp, scratching along the skin.

“A head massage,” you finally grumbled out, after a few minutes of lingering, relishing in the touch that Leonard was giving, letting it pull you in and out of a doze.

“Consider it my prescription,” Leonard replied, not taking his eyes off his PADD. “Problems of the head solved with direct intervention.”

“Problems of the head?” you asked, raising a brow, and when you lifted to level him with a look he turned to give a smile that could almost be called… sheepish.

“Wrong choice of words,” he offered, and you scoffed, rolling your eyes and rolling over, face going first onto the pillow next to you.

“What time is it?” you grumbled, and Leonard took a moment. His hand moved away to swipe away something from the PADD, and at the motion you might’ve whined.

“What? It’s 1100 hours, you got somewhere to be?”

Another groan as you rolled up to face the ceiling. “I didn’t tell you to stop rubbing my scalp, doctor. Not an effective treatment if you stop before we can see results.”

He gave a chuckle, and this time you were able to see the full thing. The way he smiled, the look on his face as he gazed down at you. As his fingers resumed in your hair, scratching and rubbing, you stared right back, brow furrowing before he used his fingers there to gently rub it away. A thumb, running over your forehead, and your tension slowly faded, your eyes closing.

“You know, you snore.”

Your eyes shot open at that. When you lifted yourself up this time it was all the way, sitting up, blanket pushed down to just over your legs. “I’m sorry?”

Leonard didn’t even look at you, just reached again to swipe and back down, this time letting his fingers massage against your shoulder, grazing them against your neck. “You snore. Just a little. At least, you were, while you were snoozing there.”

Your snort left you before you could think, and you quickly lifted yourself out of the bed. “I’m going to shower,” you stated, smirking. When he saw you moving to the bathroom, though, the doctor stood as well, reaching to grab your wrist.

“Y/N. Come on. There’s nowhere to be. Give yourself this. Who knows how much sleep you need to catch up on?”

But when your eyes looked toward the bed, there was hesitation in them. Who knew what waited for you when you closed your eyes again? How would you watch him die this time?

After a moment, he stepped close to you, cutting off the bed from your vision. You had to blink away the daze, but he was there, cupping your cheek with one hand. “Please. Sweetheart. Your next shift isn’t for two days. I had another doc fill in the blanks for me. Give yourself this? This break?”

Your eyes closed, and you felt the exhaustion settle back in your bones. His hand was basically holding your head upright, and when your eyes opened again you found yourself letting eyes meet.

“Yeah,” you finally murmured. As you looked at him, you saw his own furrowed brow smooth, a smile that could almost be a grin stretch over his features. Both hands lifted to cup your cheeks this time, and when he leaned down to kiss you, it was sweet. He pulled away long enough to move you both back towards the bed, but his hands never left you, and when you were just breathless enough, his arms wrapped around you in a tight embrace, one that made your heart beat steady, your breath smooth out.

“I do not snore,” you managed even as your eyes drooped close, your nose pressed against his chest. “Asshole.”

“I’ll let you know when you wake up,” Leonard murmured, right in your ear, but at that point you’d already drifted off.

[needloveandpositivity]

It's been described as the worst year of my life packed into 3 or 4 months. And it has been. 2020 was so good for us. We grew closer in our relationship. I knew quarantine was either going to make or break us, and we are doing so well together. I love him with all my heart. But there's so much going on, I'm so exhausted.

We became really close with his aunt and uncle over the summer. We visited often, they came to visit here, it was a good relationship. His aunt became a confidant for me. We could talk about anything. Then his uncle decided to fuck off. Left with no warning. They had 1 fight and he was gone. Aunt was heart broken. My man went to pick up uncle, because my man has a huge heart. It felt like we got shoved in the middle of their separation. Aunt vented to me often about uncle. Trashing him left right and center. I didn't really like him in the first place, but he's family, I gotta tolerate him. But it's so hard to stay neutral. Not even a week after he left, he started seeing another woman. A woman who he had already cheated on aunt with in the past.

I did my best to keep aunts head level, so she wouldn't call, text, email, what ever this lady to try and ruin uncles set up he had. She was so angry. So bitter. And I understood 100%, I think her feelings were justified. He left her. Again. 3rd time he walked out on her because she was trying to help him sort himself out.

My birthday, I get a text message, my man's great aunt had passed away. The woman that uncle was living with passed away suddenly in her sleep. She wasn't a super healthy woman, I understand she had cancer and diabetes, she had basically given up. But she seemed to be doing well, all things considered. We had just seen her the weekend before, she was happy, joking with us. And suddenly, gone. In a text message. We went to see my family that weekend, my dad and my brothers birthdays are all around mine as well, so we were going to celebrate together. I let my parents know, my man's great aunt has passed away quite suddenly. No response. No, "I'm sorry for your loss" no "wow that's terrible, my condolences" nothing. Just oh, yeah I overheard your man say it to his mom earlier. Thanks.

I had 3 weeks off work between contracts. I tried to use that time to organize the apartment, sort things to sell/give away, but Toronto was shutting down again for lock down, so I couldn't really do much with the things I didn't want anymore. So I'm still sitting on those boxes.

The 3rd week, my man's mom came to visit for a few days, which was nice. Her and I get along really well. We went to pet smart, went for a walk, hung out, it was nice. But she left in the middle of the night, no text, no explanation. Just gone. I woke up the next morning looking for her, assuming she went out to smoke, and I couldn't find her. She must have noticed I was active on Facebook, because she messaged me like 20 minutes later, said her gut told her to go home, so she did. At like 3am.

Like a week or 2 later she starts getting all distant, hardly responding to me, not giving me solid answers about Christmas plans, just keeps saying what ever. I asked her if something was wrong and she just kept saying no. It was like this for like a week or two and she just kept getting more and more snippy with me. So I finally asked my man like is your mom mad at me or something. But he's like no no she's fine she loves you why would she be mad at you, what could you possibly have done? And that's what I was wondering too, like, what can I do? What have I done?

Finally, she tells my man that she was upset with me, she thought I didn't want to see her on Christmas. That she was just an after thought. Because I offered to see her all day on December 26th. She took offense to December 26th because in her mind, December 26th is the left over day. The day that people who don't matter get. In my family, December 25 and December 26 hold the same value. We always switched back and forth with my moms family and my dads family for Christmas day and boxing day. This Christmas, with the covid rules and everything, my dads family was going to visit on the 27th, just a few of them, and mom's side was going to do Christmas day, since it was their turn anyways. So the 26th was completely free, and I wanted to give MIL our undivided attention. No rushing to another dinner, she gets the day. But she didn't want that. She wanted Christmas day. But she wouldn't communicate that to me so that we could arrange that for her.. so she thought I didn't want to see her. That she didn't matter. And she got all angry and distant about it without just telling me.

We finally got it sorted out, Christmas was super messy, my moms parents were being over the top about Christmas plans, they ended up canceling everything, and we ended up being able to see MIL on Christmas day after all. The whole time we were down there, I was anxious and uncomfortable. Trying to please everybody at the same time, and it was never enough. Nobody was ever satisfied by the time we could or could not spend with them.

Then, the 27th in the evening we had Christmas with my man's dad. Uncle was there. With this new woman. No heads up, we just walked in, and there she is. No introduction or nothing. Just hey welcome to Christmas dinner, have a seat. Like what? He knew we still spoke with aunt. He knew how heart broken she was. And now flaunting this new girlfriend at us???? I felt completely disrespected. Like he did it to get a rise out of me. Like he did it so that I would tell aunt and put fuel on the fire. He did it to make it hurt for us to tell aunt.

I was so excited to finally go home.

January 4th. One of the worst days of my life. I'm working from home, any normal day. And I get a text message from my best friends son. My best friend has tragically died of a stroke this weekend. I can feel my soul being torn to shreds. I screamed and cried for hours. I was able to calm myself just long enough to send an email to my boss, let him know what happened and i will be signed off for the rest of the day. My mom gave me a call as soon as she found out, one of her friends found out because she used to work with my best friend. She called me, and immediately she knew that I knew. I told her who told me, and I sobbed. She didn't stay on the line for very long. Just told me that if all I'm going to do is sit there and cry, then she's going to go because she had things to do. I wanted to tell her to fuck off right then and there. But I just said k and hung up. I called my man so he knew I wasn't working, that I wasn't okay. He hurried home that afternoon.

January was a rough, rough month. I felt right on the edge of crying every single day. I couldn't make phone calls without bursting into tears. I spent so much time just staring at the wall. I smoked so much weed just so I could get through an hour without crying. My eyes, my nose, my throat, my soul hurt just existing. Weed gave me that temporary relief.

Just when I started pulling myself together, making it through a day without sobbing, my dad texts me. My great aunt has passed away. At this point, I don't feel anything anymore. I don't want to cry, I don't want to feel. I'm just angry all the time. It's either nothing, or angry. There's no in between.

February I start to realize I'm really not okay. And I haven't actually been okay for a while. I haven't done laundry properly since well before Christmas. The apartment is a mess. And more and more often I'm thinking about walking out into the street just to hope someone will run me over. Then maybe someone will notice and understand how very not okay I am. Maybe I'll die? Is that really the worst thing that could happen?

I finally called my doctor when I started having some really physical symptoms. Thinking about my best friend, thinking about aunt and uncle fighting, thinking about MIL, thinking about anything remotely stressful or disappointing would make me shake. Like an uncontrollable shiver starting deep in my chest. Come to find out that's called heart palpitations. I've also been having these attacks, Ill be sitting on the couch, or fucking sleeping, and I'll wake up with a pain in my lower abdomen, super dizzy, nauseous, light headed. I sit in the bathroom and wait to either throw up, or pass out. Neither happen, and after about 20 minutes it subsides, I'm exhausted and I go back to sleep. My heart rate gets so high, so consistently during this time that my fitbit has started recording it as exercise.

I'm scared, obviously, that something might be seriously wrong with me. The nurse that I speak to on the phone doesn't think there's anything to worry about. She says it's just anxiety, she will book me in next week to be put on medication. At this point I'm not entirely convinced it's "just anxiety", so I made an appointment with a counselor. Even if it is "just anxiety" this is far more intense than i have EVER experienced in my life, and I've been diagnosed with anxiety/depression since I was like 13.

My mom doesn't care. I told her what was happening and she just said, I'm sure you're fine. I am super duper absolutely not fine. I haven't thought about dying in YEARS. The last time I thought about it was when I told my parents I was bi and my mom tried to leave. Went upstairs, packed a bag, and walked out the door. My dad chased her down and got her to come back in but like, what the fuck.

I'm almost 1 week on trintellix, I have to get bloodwork done this week to make sure these fun, awesome, never before seen symptoms are in fact just anxiety, and I see the cousellor next week to hopefully figure out what's going on and how to get through this.

I have plans, goals. My man and I are talking about getting married in 2022. Talking about buying a home in 2024. Children? Maybe. But I'd like to be around here to meet them.

So, here I am. I have people who listen, but I feel like I just rant at one friend way too much, and she's sick of me. Another friend that changes the subject when I get sad. Another who has told me she's sick of people venting to her, because she has her own mental health to deal with. And my man doesn't know how to help me. He tries, he really does. But he has bad days too, and I cannot help him while I'm down here. I can't pick him up while I'm still down.

I just need someone to listen. Someone to hear me rant and vent and get things off my chest. Because if I don't, I know I'm going to drown down here.

If you're willing and able to reach out, please do. If not, this will be the blog that I journal in, I guess. Where I write down everything that I want to talk to my best friend about. I know she can't respond, but I'm sure she's up there watching me, and I hope she's reading this to know that I'm trying. I'm getting help. I'm trying to get better, so I can do better.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Prenatal

A sequel to Get Your Fix, Withdrawal, and Placebo

Special credit to @sherrybaby14 who requested the idea for the first part.

Warnings: non/dubcon sex, sex pollen, breeding kink, mentions of birth control, forced pregnancy..

This is dark!Steve Rogers and explicit. 18+ only.

Note: Okay, so the fourth part is finally done! Thanks to everyone who has waited patiently for this. I wasn’t planning on posting this today tbh. I hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you think! <3

A couple days after the gut-wrenching revelation and you were still in disbelief. The news hadn’t even quelled Steve’s libido; if anything, he was even more persistent. You were in the lab as usual, glued to the table as your eyes scanned the floating screen before you. Swipe, swipe, type, go here. It was just as any other day. Other than the pit in your stomach...and the child.

As you finished up the last file of results, the com buzzed and Bruce hit ‘answer’. Tony’s voice came from the speaker. “Y/N? You there?” He asked and the other scientist went back to his work.

“Yeah,” You answered. There was a tone to his voice you didn’t like.

“Could you come to my office for a moment?” It was phrased like a question, but it wasn’t.

“Yep,” You gave a squeak and the speaker went dead. You were thankful that Bruce was as oblivious as ever. You stood and gulped. You just had a bad feeling about this.

Just outside Tony’s office, your stomach was starting to storm. Was it morning sickness or stress? Both, probably. You knocked and Tony called from the other side. You opened the door and your chest clutched. Steve was sat across from Tony, grinning as he watched you enter warily. 

“Come, sit. Close the door.” The head of Stark Industries sounded every inch the stony boss.

You shut the door and took the seat next to Steve. You were already shaking as you waited for the levee to break. This was it. You were certain, even with the asshole at your side, that you were about to be fired. The two may have been buddies but it didn’t keep them from disagreeing. Tony sighed and took a paper from atop his desk and slid it over towards you.

“Read that.” He advised dully, “And sign when you finish.”

“What is it?” You edged forward on the chair.

“A safeguard,” Tony explained, “To cover my ass because the two of you can’t cover your own.” He shook his head at Steve, “I get it. what with me and Pepper it seems hypocritical, but this is still a business. I can’t have your personal relations getting in the way of it.”

“I’m not...fired?” You asked softly.

“No, no, I wouldn’t, no not at all,” He almost laughed at you, “You’re a good worker. I’ve never had a lab tech who didn’t threaten to bring out the green guy in Bruce. I like you.” He dropped a pen on top of the form, “And I’m happy for the two of you. Especially this guy,” He pointed to Steve, “About time he got a life.”

You cleared your throat and reached for the form. You sat back and began to read over the font. You could feel Steve staring at you. 

“It’s really just a formality,” Tony comforted.

Steve reached across the gap between your seats and touched your hand, “I told you it’d all be fine,” He said sweetly, “Come on, honey, and sign. Let’s make it official.” 

You looked up to him and wiped the scowl from your face before Tony could notice. You nodded and brought the pen up shaking to the line. Another was beside it; already signed, Steve Rogers. You scribbled across it and placed it back on the desk as you stood.

“Thank you,” You said to Tony, “Really. I love this job and I just couldn’t imagine losing it.”

“What about him?” Tony raised a brow, “Go on, you two. Enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts.”

With your dismissal, you stood. Steve was all too eager to act the gentleman as he took your hand and led you to the door. He only released you to open it and you shot him a dark look as you entered the hallway. He closed the door as he joined you and once more was holding your hand. You reluctantly walked along with him as he set off down the hall.

“So, have you made an appointment yet?” He asked sweetly.

“No,” You grumbled, “Would you stop?”

“What?” He turned to you as you stopped and tugged him back until he let go of your hand.

“Acting like this is normal,” You crossed your arms, “What you’re doing is...is...wrong. You’re sick!”

He suddenly darkened. The whole room seemed to shift as his eyes dilated and his chin squared. He scratched his beard with a snarl as he glared down at you. Slowly he bent to look you in the eye. “You’ve got to realize that this isn’t about you anymore.” He placed his hand flat on your stomach yet it felt like a lead weight, “So you will do as I say. For the sake of the baby.”

You narrowed your eyes as your lip curled. “Fuck the baby.”

He exhaled deeply and leaned back to glance over your shoulder. The hall was empty. He smirked. “Now you listen to me,” His hand shot up to your chin and latched on roughly. His face was barely an inch from yours as he loomed over you, “You do anything stupid and I’ll just put another one in you. There is nothing you can do. No escape.” Your jaw hurt and you touched his hand as you whimpered, “Your mine. More importantly, that’s mine.” He nodded to your stomach, “And no one is going to hurt my child. Including you.”

He let go and straightened up, his chest rising and falling as he stretched his arms. He casually took another look along the hallway,  turned and slung his arm over your shoulders. “Fuck, you got me all worked up,” He said in a low voice as he led you along, “Why don’t you take an early lunch and meet me in the training room? Team’s out for the day.”

“I’ve got a lot of work to you,” You mumbled weakly.

“That wasn’t a question,” You turned the corner and he stopped you before the lab. “You’ve got me all riled up and you’re going to finish what you started.” He kissed the top of your head as if he wasn’t speaking in sinister tones, “And then when we’re done, you’re going to call your doctor like a good mommy.”

-

A couple days later, you were due for your first appointment. Calling itself had been a chore. Steve sat beside you, your phone on speaker, and you begrudgingly asked for the receptionist to schedule a time. He keyed in the time and day in his phone and you held in a sigh. You hated the light in his stupid eyes; how bright and blue they grew whenever he spoke of your pregnancy. The way he reached over to touch your stomach. You had told him to stop doing it where people could see.

You were getting ready to leave the lab; a long lunch to be atoned for by staying late. It was convenient really; an excuse to avoid Steve. As you said goodbye to Bruce, you hooked your handbag over your shoulder and headed for the door. It slid open before you could even press the button and Steve stood in the doorway. Your eyes widened and you quickly stepped out and closed the door behind you.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed.

“Taking you to your appointment,” He said as if you were dumb, “No baby of mine is going to take the subway.”

“I take the subway everyday,” You scoffed.

“Well, not to their first appointment,” He returned, “So, do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” He waved you down the hall and you reluctantly went along. You knew you wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. “I kinda want a girl.”

“I don’t know,” You shrugged and preceded him into the elevator. “I haven’t really thought of it.”

“There’s a lot to think about,” He hit the button for the parking garage, “Vitamins, tests, eating habits. We want a healthy baby. Not to mention we’ll need to find a place for us...all three of us.” He touched your stomach and you resisted the urge to shove him away.

“I’m just fine in my apartment,” You grumbled.

“Well, I’m not living there and my place isn’t big enough for the baby.” He raised a brow dangerously, “It’s gonna need stability.”

“God, you sound like my mother,” You snapped and pulled away from him.

“Speaking of, I should meet my future family-in-law,” He ignored your anger and smirked. “I think maybe we should invite them to town for your birthday and tell them the good news. I think you’ll be showing by then anyway.”

“My birthday? That’s not for--”

“Another month and a half,” He interjected smugly.

“You’re not meeting my family,” You snarled.

“I’m going to have to eventually.” He stretched his arm over your shoulders as the elevator doors opened, “I mean, you can’t hide this from them forever...and you’ve already met my family. We’ll have to figure out how to tell the team.”

You cringed and let him guide you through the parking garage. Before you had been anxious about the single appointment but now you were in existential dread for your life.

-

The doctor said that you were about a month and a half along. You had fought for most of the appointment not to hang your head. Steve sat holding your hand through the ultrasound and the following consultation. He eagerly accepted all the pamphlets offered by the doctor and scheduled the second appointment himself. You could’ve smacked him. 

Why did it have to be you? Why couldn’t he have found another poor soul? Even a willing one?

“I gotta go back to the office,” You said as you climbed into the car.

“Stay late tomorrow,” Steve insisted as he pulled closed his door.

“I can’t, I told him--”

“Call and tell him you’ll be back tomorrow,” He interrupted as he turned the engine. “You’re gonna be busy.”

“Do you ever stop?” You muttered.

“You make it difficult to,” He slithered, “Honestly, that whole appointment I was rock hard. Still am. I just...” He began to drive, his lip running over his lips, “I can’t believe you’re having my baby.”

Neither can I, you thought. “Please just take me to work.”

“Call Bruce or I’ll do it myself.” He stopped at a light and glared over at you, “God,” He reached down and rubbed his crotch. “I can’t wait to fuck you all day.”

You huffed and took out your phone and dialed the lab. Bruce answered and you fed him some spiel about still dealing with a stomach bug. When you hung up, you stewed for the rest of the ride in silence. Steve’s hand crawled up your thigh as he pulled into his parking lot and you bit down on your irritation.

You climbed out of the car and followed him reluctantly. He turned back as he opened the door to his building and reached to grab your hand. He shoved you ahead of him inside and followed, a smack on your ass to keep you walking.

It was like any other time. The moment you stepped through the door he was on you. He tore your purse away and tossed it carelessly to the floor. His hands were all over tour body; neck, chest, stomach, ass. His fingers worked lithely at unbuttoning your fly and he pushed down the zipper. Your feet moved clumsily as he pressed himself to you, his weight leading you across the room.

He slipped two fingers beneath your panties, your jeans tight against his hand. His crotch was flush to your ass and he ground his hips into you as he nuzzled your neck. You struggled to keep your balance as he moved your body with his. You legs pressed to the side of the couch as his fingers snaked lower. He slid them over your clit and between your folds. You closed your eyes as he dipped into the wetness gathering at your entrance.

“I’ll be gentle,” He purred in your ear, “For the baby.”

You cringed as his fingers played with you. You couldn’t help your body’s reaction. You shivered as he spread your slickness; focusing on your bud as he growled into your skin. His lips brushed your throat and you tried not to moan. Despite everything he had done, the hell he had dragged you into, you couldn’t deny the potency of his touch.

His other hand grabbed the waist of your jeans, tugging them down one side at a time until the denim was past your ass. His fingers kept up their dance on your clit and you hissed at the electricity which shot through you. You heard his zipper and felt the smooth head of his cock as it pressed against your lower back. He stroked himself slowly, his knuckles rough against your back as they moved.

He groaned as he slid his cock along your ass, stopping just beneath to tickle your entrance. You bent slightly, bracing the arm of the couch as he leaned against you. The head of his cock stretched you as he pushed inside. You shuddered as your nails dug into the vinyl. You hung your head and his fingers added to the sensation of him against your walls. He bottomed out with a sigh; the fly of his jeans sharp along your flesh.

“I can’t wait, you know?” His voice was deep, airy, “To see you swell. Can’t wait to fuck you just like this. Or maybe you can be on top. Your stomach round; so big.”

His free hand went to your belly as his other flicked your clit in circles. He moved in and out of you slowly. Your thighs shook, legs held snug around around him by your jeans. Your breath picked up as the ripples began in your thighs, crawled up your spine, and your walls pulsed around him. Your orgasm piqued so unexpectedly you yelped. You smothered it to a snarl between gritted teeth as he kept his pace easy; steady.

“That’s it,” His breath was hot as it washed over your hair. “Are you cumming for me, baby?” He chuckled, “You are, you dirty girl.”

“Sh-sh-sh…” You were trying to tell him to shut up but it just came out as dusky breaths.

He sped up and you were forced to bend further over the couch. His hand glided over your hips and to your ass as he stood straight. He spread your cheeks as he watched himself fuck you, the sight roused him further. He moaned and his thrusts came faster, deeper. He slammed his pelvis into your ass, his hands on your hips as he held you in place. Your legs trembled as the rough denim of his jeans chafed your ass.

“You want me to cum in you, mommy,” You blanched at the nickname but were too incensed to think straight. You were slung halfway over the arm as he fucked you relentlessly. “Tell me you want my cum.”

You grunted and pushed your head up. “I--” You squeaked between words. “I….I-I-I want your cum.” Your orgasm stunted your words and you grasped at the cushion desperately. The murmurs tumbled from your senseless lips.

“Ah, shit, shit, shit,” He bent over you and pushed your head down into the couch. Your hips ground painfully against the arm beneath his weight. Your entire body went limp and he continued to pound into you. “Ahhhhhhhh.” 

His voice quavered as you felt him explode within you but he didn’t stop. He kept thrusting even as he softened. It wasn’t long before he was hard again and his hands were around your neck, pulling you back so that your back was arched painfully. With your pelvis still pressed to the couch, he rutted against you, your feet barely on the floor.

You could feel his cum leaking out around his cock and down your thighs. More spilled forth from him with a series of carnal grunts as he choked the breath from you. You were gasping as he let go of your neck at last and you fell over the couch once more. This time he pulled out and you felt the gush.

He caught you as you began to slip and dragged you on to the cushions. He undressed you roughly and without words; his pants eager; predatory. You let him as your heart raced and the heat tingled along your flesh. You sat up as he guided you against the back of the sofa, your legs splayed open before him. He stripped himself just as methodically, the front of his jeans covered in a mixture of cum.

He got on the couch, his knees beneath your thighs as he pressed you to the back of it. He slipped inside of your easily; your body trapped between his and the vinyl. “I’m going to fill you up,” He hummed and ran his fingers through the cum smeared along your thighs, “Until your covered in me.”

-

Bruce wasn’t too happy when you got back to the lab. He was impatient that you had missed yet another day and you couldn’t blame him. You sat across from him and caught up on his reports as he silently went about his work. You were even more annoyed that Steve was starting to get in the way of your work. Even now, you were tired out from hours of fucking. You hadn’t expected him to go so long but his stamina was as superhuman as the rest of him.

It was early afternoon. The lab door opened and Bruce’s dark mood didn’t crack as he looked up at your unexpected visitor. These days though, Steve was rarely unexpected. He lorded over you like a persistent wraith. You looked over your shoulder as he neared, tray in hand. You would’ve rolled your eyes if you had the energy. As it was, you could barely process the endless font in the folder before you.

He placed the coffee in front of Bruce who pushed away enough of his sourness to smile and thank him. Then a bright pink smoothie was before you. You squinted at him and he grinned back in a dare; go on and say something. You set down the folder and did your best to seem unbothered. “Thank you.”

“No problem, babe,” He bent and pecked your forehead. “Thought you could use it. And I got you a few other things.”

Bruce shook his head and focused on his current project. You stood and swept the smoothie of the table smoothly as you nudged Steve towards the door. 

“Thank you but I do have a lot to catch up on.” You turned back and called to the grumpy scientist, “One moment, okay?” You urged Steve into the hall and the door whooshed shut behind you. “Seriously, you’re going to get me fired.”

“They’re not going to fire you.” He laughed, “Trust me. Tony’s been telling me to get a life and I don’t think he’ll complain now that I have.”

“Got a life?” You hissed, “Okay, if that’s what you call it.”

“You weren’t complaining last night,” He remarked, “In fact, you seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

You inhaled and glanced around the hallway. “Right, what is it?”

“Hmm?” He raised his brows with a smirk.

“What did you bring me besides the smoothie? Which I won’t be drinking, thank you,” You said bitterly.

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s good for the baby. Besides, I’ve found you need little enhancement when it come to your libido,” He winked.

“Steve,” You warned, hands on your hips.

“Just a little something for you and the baby,” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small paper bag that rattled, “Prenatal supplements.”

“Jesus Christ,” You snatched the pills as he held them out. “You were going to give me these in front of Bruce? Can’t you be a little subtle? ”

“They’ll figure it out eventually,” He shrugged, “Which is also why I stopped by. When should we tell them?”

“Never, preferably.” You retorted sharply. “But I suppose that’s not an option… I always thought you were supposed to wait until three months or whatever.”

“That’s not that long,” He said excitedly, “We could maybe invite everyone to dinner...or maybe at one of Tony’s parties?”

“Or just tell them privately, separately,” You muttered, “This really doesn’t need to be a spectacle.”

“Have you called your parents?” He asked suddenly. “We should arrange your birthday get together so we can tell them as we planned.”

“Okay, slow down, please,” Your chest was starting to tighten, “This is all a little too fast.”

“I know,” He preened as he pulled your hands from your hips, “I can’t wait for you to be the mother of my children.”

“Children?!” It was half a whine. “I don’t think so. This is the only one.” He laughed. 

“You’re not getting this, are you?” His hands squeezed yours and he leaned down to look you directly in the face, “The life growing inside of you is mine and so are you.” 

The shadow in his eyes made you flinch. You felt the walls closing in like his grip on your hands. You bit down on your cheeks as you swallowed back your fear and he tilted his head. 

“So, are you going to call your parents or shall I?”

+

tags: @meaganottiz02 @patzammit @thepettyavenger @biasedtitties @thosecikinnn @glitterypinkkitty @thoughtlesstales @selinbaskaya @lattaex @vitamingrant @lilithhellfire @bbyspiiice @ironlady1993 @blackpantherimagines @kweenkxtrina @heavenlyblyss @letsagomario @shikin83 @collette04 @breezy1415 @alexakeyloveloki @beautiful-and-strange @phoenix21love @momc95 @buckycaptspideypool @justballoonfishthings @ms-munchkin @whosmarisaaarw @kxllyxnnx @calspixie  @imdiegohargreeves @satinprincessxo @amethyst-the-thot @docharleythegeekqueen @iiqueer-vibesii @carol-damn-vers @l0rd-disick @jilldsumner @hufflebucky @lanabanana-86 @nerdypinupcrystal @notyourtypicalrose  @pink1031 @agent-spidey @wassupbitchesssss @lucifersnipnips @thirstyforsomeyandere @xxm3xxj @roses-and-absinthe @stuckybarton @ruff-m3rc @secretlyactivated @asleep-amid-the-flowers @sunstarskyhappiness @xxxelettaxxx @honeyofthegods @rainbowkisses31 @alphabloodfur @xdatbitch @quant-um-fizzx @couldntbedamned @scarletlingeries @directionerfae @bodhi-black @kyllorren @captainarp @sargeant-bbarnes @tuyetnhivo @heartislubbingdubbing @kiwihoee @vanishingod @aekr @purpliepanda @arkhamsanity  @lazinessisalliknow @grossceleste @fkngparadise @karabear0091 @jordysgirl87 @amelia-acero @praziameia @steadypetty @shayrey @spn-marvel-nerd @heartbeats-wildly @tea-with-seb @the-lululemon @abesottedlass @poppyshawn @obsesseds-world @jazztherebel  @heartislubbingdubbing @desir-ae @adreamemporium @ashrod98 @buckyxwintersxldier @buckybarneshairpullingkink @lazinessisalliknow @kastheabsolutepessimist @daggersofloki @odinson-barnes @marvelmaree @they-call-me-le

[deanstop13billyjoeltraxx]

Superposition

a deancas college roommates AU

Chapter 3 is up on AO3! You can also read every chapter on tumblr with this chapter masterlist!

An Old Friend

Present 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Dean thought his brain was going to explode. It ached from the accident in the shop, sure, but Cas sitting at his bedside was making the pounding ten times worse. 

“Wh-What are you doin’ here, man?” Dean choked out. His throat was dry, and he coughed to clear it. Cas reached below his chair and extended a bottle of water to Dean. Dean just stared at it. 

“Drink it, you’ll feel better,” Cas said. Dean slowly sat up to accept the water, not taking his eyes off of Cas the whole time. He opened and drank it, silently, watching Cas as if he were about to disappear. Dean was ninety-eight percent sure he would disappear. 

“Thanks,” Dean said after he had drained the bottle. 

“To answer your question,” Cas said, “I was on my way to Kansas City when my car just… Broke down. I had Triple A tow it to the nearest mechanic. I had no idea…” 

I had no idea you worked there. Cas hadn’t expected, hadn’t meant to run into him here. That fact hurt more than Dean was willing to deal with, sitting in a hospital with God knows how many stitches in his forehead. He pushed the thought away and cleared his throat again.

“What’s in Kansas City?” He asked. 

“A job.” 

“Writing job or accounting job?” 

Cas blinked at him. “Accounting. I never finished my creative writing degree.” 

Dean’s head whipped up at that, but he immediately regretted the movement. “Agh, fuck,” he said. “My whole damn head hurts. What did I hit it on?” 

“I’m not sure, I didn’t see,” Cas said. “The doctor said you would probably have a concussion. They gave you eight stitches.” 

“Concussion, my ass,” Dean grumbled, but he knew Cas was right. He had only been sitting for a few minutes, but the room was swimming. It must have been obvious, because Cas stood up and placed a hand firmly on his chest. Dean flinched away at the touch.

“You should lay back down.” 

“Right.”

Dean settled back against the pillow, attempting to keep his thoughts away from the pain in his head.

“So… Accounting. In Kansas City,” Dean said. Cas nodded. “Big man. When did that happen?” 

“I interned at the firm last summer. They approved of my work enough to offer me a job post-graduation,” Cas explained.

“Ah,” Dean said. Cas had been, at most, forty minutes away in the summer. And he hadn’t even called, hadn’t even bothered to stop by Lawrence. He closed his eyes — the lights were still too bright. “You said you didn’t finish the writing thing?”

“No,” Cas said, shortly. “I was… It was too many courses. I would have had to take a fifth year. Committing to one major allowed me to graduate a semester early.” 

Dean murmured in understanding. “When did you graduate anyway? Damn it must have been —” 

“Two weeks ago,” Cas said. 

“Would’ve been nice to know.” 

Cas blinked at him. “I wasn’t aware that you cared.” 

Dean drew his hand into a fist. “What the hell is —” 

“Ah, Mr. Winchester, you’re awake.” A small woman in a doctor’s coat interrupted him. “I’m Dr. Barnes, your attending.” 

“Nice to meet you, ma’am. Thanks for sewing me up,” Dean said, pointedly avoiding looking at Cas. 

“It’s not a problem. I’m just going to check you out, make sure you’re doing all right.” She turned to Cas. “Mr. Novak, I assure you, he’s in the best of hands here. Go get something to eat.” 

Cas gave Dean a final lingering stare before exiting the room.

“How long was I out?” Dean asked as Dr. Barnes removed the bandage on his forehead to check his stitches. 

“About twelve hours. Unsurprisingly, you lost a lot of blood. That coupled with the head trauma had you knocked down pretty good.”

“Twelve hours,” Dean muttered. “Damn, so it’s Thursday already?” 

Dr. Barnes nodded. “I’m going to need you to follow this light with your eyes, okay?” Dean did. She studied him for a moment. “Well, you’re definitely concussed.” 

“How long til it goes away?” Dean asked, irritated. He couldn’t bear the idea of leaving Bobby alone in the shop for long. Plus, Sam was coming for Christmas, and he would jump at the possibility of bossing Dean around for once. The thought alone was irritating. 

“Best guess? A week, minimum. No screens for at least the next twelve hours. And drink lots of water. I’ll print some other information out for you to help speed up the recovery.” 

Dean thanked her, and she smiled. “That Mr. Novak a good friend of yours?” She asked. 

“An old friend,” Dean said in reply. 

“I only ask because he quite literally hasn’t left your side since he brought you in. Knew all your information, too,” Dr. Barnes said. “It’s nice to have friends like that.” 

“I guess,” was all Dean could say.

“Speak of the devil,” Dr. Barnes said as Cas returned to the room, holding two bags of Doritos and two more water bottles. “Mr. Winchester is healing up nicely, but he’s definitely concussed. Do me a favor and make sure he doesn’t go back to that shop until next week?” 

Cas’ eyes flickered to Dean, then back to Dr. Barnes. “You have my word.” 

“Excellent. Well, Mr. Winchester, I’ll just go print off some paperwork, and then you’ll be free to go.” 

“Thanks, Doctor,” Dean said. 

When she had left the room, Cas sat back down in his chair, placing one of the waters and chip bags on Dean’s bed. “I figured you might be hungry.”

“Whatever,” Dean said, opening the bag. “They didn’t have any beer?” 

“This is a hospital, Dean,” Cas deadpanned. “Besides, I’m fairly certain alcohol would do nothing to aid your recovery process.” 

“What do you know,” Dean muttered, but downed half of the water in one go, anyway. “How long are you in Lawrence?” 

“As long as it takes for Mr. Singer to fix my car, I suppose,” Cas said. 

“Bobby,” Dean corrected automatically. Hearing his boss referred to as Mr. Singer was just cosmically wrong. 

“Right.” 

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s probably going to take a while.”

“What? How long?” 

Dean shrugged. “If I’m out for a whole week… God, it’d probably take two, maybe three depending on how serious it is. We’re the most trusted shop in Lawrence, we’ve got appointments, and we gotta take care of them first.” This was mostly true, but Dean doubted that whatever was wrong with Castiel’s car couldn’t be fixed in a week. But he needed Cas to give up the noble role of caretaker as soon as possible. 

Cas narrowed his eyes at that. “And I’m sure if you were to get back to work sooner, this problem could be avoided?” 

“Exactly.”

“Well,” Cas sighed. “It’s a good thing my starting date isn’t for another three weeks. I was just coming down early to get settled. But I can wait.” 

Dean stared at him for a moment. He really couldn’t stand the idea of sitting around for a week with nothing to do. But if he knew Cas at all — and he thought perhaps he still did — he knew Cas would relay the doctor’s orders to Bobby, who would then resolutely deny Dean any hours at the shop.

“Where are you gonna stay?”

“I’ll get a hotel.” 

Dean blinked. “The hell you will. For three weeks? Dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.” 

“Dean,” Cas started, but Dean cut him off. 

“No way. Look, I get back to work on Monday, your car’s fixed on Tuesday. I owe you one, I’ll work fast. Then you’re out of here. We can pretend this never happened, you can get on with your life in the big city.” 

“You have a concussion.”

“Yeah, and since when did you give a damn about what happened to me?” Dean’s voice had gone low. The original shock of seeing Cas had worn off. All that was left was a low-burning rage. He was angry, so angry that Cas was here, that Cas essentially gave him a concussion, that Cas drove him to the hospital, that Cas stayed with him the whole night, that Cas could leave and waltz back in whenever he pleased and Dean couldn’t even pretend to hate him. 

Cas stiffened. “I… Dean, you — ”

“No, man.” The anger died as fast as it had ignited. Dean’s head was positively throbbing now. He wiped his face with a hand. “You should go.”

“You can’t drive, Dean.” 

Dean inhaled slowly through his nose to keep from yelling at the other man, right here in the middle of the hospital. “Cas, I swear to fucking God…” 

“You’re acting like a child,” Cas said.

“Yeah, I’m the childish one,” Dean said under his breath.

Cas narrowed his eyes as he approached Dean’s bed. His proximity, not to mention the steeliness of his gaze, made Dean feel like squirming. 

“I don’t care if you have a problem with me. I’m not going to let you drive home with a head injury. We were friends once, and I don’t intend to dishonor that by allowing you to do something this stupid.” When Dean opened his mouth to protest, Cas cut him off with, “Do you really want to do this right now?” 

And “this” meant so many things all at once that Dean almost lost track of the argument they were having in the first place. Do you really want to talk about why I left right now? Do you really want to yell at me for disappearing right now? Do you really want to argue about who is and isn’t allowed to drive right now?

They stared at each other for a moment, Cas’ gaze unfathomable, Dean’s angry.

“No,” Dean grumbled. “Just get me out of here.” 

Thanks to anyone who goes on AO3 and leaves kudos, you’re all so wonderful🥺🥺Also tagging @nguyenxtrang for updates (when you asked to be tagged wow!! my heart sang!! thank you!!)

[timehealsfanfictionbka]

Time Heals.....Chapter Fifty-Four Pt. 2

“I knew they’d be excited but I was not expecting that,” Robyn said as she pulled on her underwear. Chris walked out the bathroom while wrapping a towel around his waist, “I wasn’t expecting that either. Has everybody been planning our future and not telling us about it?”

“Apparently so.”

Chris chuckled lowly as he sat on the bed and grabbed his lotion. He frowned at the emptiness of the bottle, “Babe, can I use some of your lotion?”

Robyn chuckled, “I told you that you were out yesterday. You didn’t go to the store?”

“I forgot.”

“I don’t use lotion, it’s shea butter mixed with coconut oil. It goes on like a cream.”

“That’s why you always smell so good.”

Robyn handed him a plastic container and he scooped out a dime size bit to rub in between his hands, “what you think?”

“It feels good. I like that it stays solid at room temperature too.”

“I bought it a natural food market. It’s an African lady that sells it, Ms. Ogri.”

“We’ll have to get some more then. I don’t wanna use up all your stuff.”

“Not worried about it. What’s mine is yours.”

“Thanks Babe.”

“No problem. You finish with your towel?”

“Yup. You can take it.”

Chris slipped on his boxers then handed the towel to Robyn. She dropped it into the clothes hamper by the closet door then turned off the bathroom light, “you need anything while I’m up?”

“No. I’m good. Come lay down.”

Robyn turned off the bedroom light and climbed into the bed. Chris wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she laid her head on his chest, “you ok? I’m still getting a really weird vibe from you.”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to have a ceremony?”

“No. Why would you think that?”

Robyn shrugged and Chris pushed up to sit up against their pillows, “Sit up with me.”

Robyn sat up and pressed her head against the headboard.

“Talk to me, Baby. What’s going on?”

“I was telling Mel and Lele about the whole proposal and they just made me feel like I was wrong for not wanting a ceremony. Like it was crazy to skip it.”

“Robyn, you’re the one getting married. Why does it matter what they think?”

“I don’t know but its irritating me.”

“Listen, I do not want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to do. This is our wedding and it needs to be for our comfort. And I love our families but fuck them if they have a problem with the way we want to do this. My concern is you. And if worrying about what they want is gonna have you feeling like you are right now, I don’t want you to be worry about it. If it was up to me, I’d marry you tonight, ok. Don’t give nobody that kind of power over you, ok?”

“Ok. I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to be bothered by it but it was just-“

“Baby, you care about your family and their opinions, even if you don’t really listen to them. I’m no different in that aspect but what I really care about is how you feel. Your opinion is the only one that holds weight here. You are not crazy or wrong for not wanting to have a ceremony. That’s your right.”

“Do you want one?”

“No. Especially if you don’t want one.”

“Babe, I don’t want to be selfish and take the experience away from you either.”

“You aren’t. What I want to experience is right here with me. What I’m concerned about is that piece of paper declaring us legally connected. Wedding ceremonies are cool, don’t get me wrong but they aren’t the end-all be-all. There’s nothing but death that would keep me from marrying you whether it’s at an altar or standing in front of a  court clerk.”

Robyn smiled and gently palmed the side of his face, “Thank you. I really needed to hear that.”

“Robyn Baby, don’t let anybody get you down or make you question yourself. You know what you want and I have no problem giving that to you.”

“What if we elope?”

“Really?”

“Yea, just me, you and the girls.”

“We’ll need witnesses.”

“We’ll get two people we trust not to say anything then.”

“Is that what you really want to do?”

“Chris, I need my sanity and trying to plan a wedding is gonna ruin it. I hated it the first time I got married and I really don’t want to go down that road again.”

“Robs, you don’t owe me an explanation.”

“You are the only person I owe one to. I really appreciate you being so sweet about this.”

Chris smiled and pecked her lips, “I love you and I want you to be happy. That’s all that matters to me.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, let’s just brainstorm a way to make this work. How about we go to the court house and get married? The girls can still get to carry flowers and stuff but we skip all the other hoopla.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am absolutely sure.”

Robyn smiled as she hugged him tightly, “You’re incredible.”

Chris laughed, “you getting soft on me, Ms. Fenty?”

“I can take it back, Christopher.”

“No, that’s fine. I’ma shut up.”

Robyn laughed as she leaned into his chest, “seriously this means a lot.”

“You mean a lot to me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Baby.”

“Wait, we can’t tell the twins what’s going on though because they will snitch.”

“We’ll make it a surprise for them then.”

“Good.”

“Good. Can we sleep now?”

“Did I tire you out in the shower that bad?”

“You gotta stop with those tricks, Woman. It be taking days before I feel like my dick works again.”

Robyn laughed out loud as she wrapped her arms around his waist, “but you’re a quick study. It makes it fun.”

“I bet.”

“Goodnight Christopher.”

“Goodnight Bajan Girl.”

                                               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Knock. Knock.”

Robyn looked up from her computer screen and smiled, “Hey you.”

“How’s the love of my life doing?”

“Much better. What you doing here?”

Chris held up a large cardboard box, “lunch.”

“Thanks Babe, I had a taste for some BBQ too.”

“I figured that. Save whatever you doing and come with me.”

“We not eating here?”

“Nah, it’s pretty outside plus I want to run some stuff by you real quick.”

“Oh ok. Let me change my phone to out of office and grab my purse.”

Robyn saved her work, locked her computer and changed her phone setting before grabbing her purse from the locked bottom drawer of her desk. She turned off her lights and met Chris at the door, “there’s a really nice set of tables in the pavilion downstairs.”

“We can eat there the I want to take you somewhere for a bit.”

“After you.”

Robyn locked her office, left a note on her assistant’s desk then followed Chris to the elevators.

“How has work been?”

“Pretty good. We had this long ass virtual conference this morning so my boss let us go early. I figured why not spend the extra time with my favorite girl.”

“I’m already marrying you, you know.”

“I know, doesn’t hurt to work for security.”

Robyn giggled as they got inside the empty elevator car, “talk to Mama lately?”

“Both of them actually. Nothing out of the ordinary. You?”

“Yea. Mama Fenty is already planning for the reunion this year. I guess my father’s side of the family wants to show up this year and my Guyanese folks do too.”

“That should be fun. Have I met them?”

“You met some of them when you came there as a teenager but most of them will be new to you.”

“Cool. You doing ok?”

“I’m good. Had to take the twins to their doctor’s appointment yesterday.”

“They told me they went. I could’ve taken them, you know.”

“It’s not a huge deal besides the office is right down the street from my dentist office so I still made my appointment in time.”

“Oh ok. You know you still should be telling me about some of these appointments. You don’t have to take them by yourself.”

“It honestly slipped my mind.”

“Not a problem. Which way are we going?”

Robyn pointed to sparsely filled area a few yards in front of them, “did you get something to drink? We can stop in the little convenience store on the first floor before we go that way.”

“Drinks and cups already in here.”

“You do plan for everything?”

“Always prepared for you.”

Robyn rolled her eyes and they continued walking until they came to a back picnic table. It was shielded by a set of trees and bushes but there was just enough sunlight peeking through.

“You’ve been out here before.”

“A few times but not often and not in the last two years or so.”

“You like being cooped up in that office?”

“No, I like being alone and being out here during lunchtime when it’s warm, too many people.”

“Ah ok.”

They sat down and Chris doled out the food.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I wanted to take you to see about a dress.”

“Oh.”

“I know we haven’t set a date yet for our wedding but if it’s just a court thing, I still want you to have a beautiful dress.”

��You know what I didn’t even think about it.”

“Oh.”

“Not like that. I was so focused on the girls’ dresses and what flowers they could carry, my dress completely slipped my mind. I want it to be nice for them, you know?”

“Yes and I want it to be nice for you.”

“Are we going to a store?”

“Actually I got two dresses sent to a nearby showroom for you.”

“From where?”

“New Orleans.”

“Christopher.”

“Don’t say my name like that. I swear it wasn’t a lot of money and they aren’t super extravagant so you could definitely wear them for a fancy date or something.”

“What dresses did you get sent here?”

“Those two white gowns I saw you sneaking looks at when we went shopping there.”

“What white- you saw that?”

“I absolutely did. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go into the store to try them on but you tried to act like you didn’t know what I was talking about.”

Robyn chuckled as she took a sip of soda, “it wasn’t that deep.”

“No but you clearly really liked them.”

“How did you know they even had my size?”

“I called and asked. I’m always paying attention even when you think I’m not.’

“Wait- so you bought them even though I haven’t tried them on yet.”

“Yea. If you don’t like them for a wedding dress, we’ll just find another one. They can always be used at a later date.”

“Christopher, that’s a lot of-“

“No, it wasn’t. We are not discussing finances. I will give you my accountant to talk to if you think I’m wasting money.”

“That’s not necessary. Dramatic.”

Chris laughed, “you the one always worried about my pockets. I’m good, Babe.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“That ‘for now’ is silent, I guess.”

“Oh shut up.”

They laughed and Chris kissed the back of her hand, “you sure you’re ok?”

“Life’s changing but I can handle it.”

“You’ll let me know if you can’t?”

“I will.”

“Good. What else you got planned for today?”

“Nothing. Come back to the office, finish up a presentation then home since the girls are still at your house.”

“You decide when you wanna move in?”

“Haven’t thought about it. I gotta sort though and see what stuff I’m taking with me, selling or putting into storage.”

“Are you gonna have a hard time with that?”

“What you mean?”

“I know you still have a lot of Michael’s stuff packed away in your garage. I imagine it might be difficult to go through it again.”

“You know, thinking about him doesn’t make me as sad as it used to but I guess I won’t really know until I start.”

“Do you want me to-“

Robyn started shaking her head before Chris even finished his sentence, “I’m an adult, a few tears won’t kill me.”

Chris twisted up his lips in skepticism before taking a sip of his drink, “we’ll see.”

“You don’t think I can do it.”

“I absolutely think you can but I also think it’s gonna be really emotional for you. Robyn, you haven’t dated at all since he passed which means you haven’t given much thought about what it’d be like to fully move on. You literally turned your master bedroom into a storage closet rather than sleep in it again. You’re gonna feel some kind of way.”

“And I will deal with it when it happens.”

“Well, I’m always available for support.”

“I won’t need it but thank you.”

Chris nodded his head as he finished off his macaroni and cheese, “what time do you need to be back?”

“By 3. I have a budget meeting at 3:15.”

“Cool, we have time then.”

  Robyn turned on the lights in her former master bedroom and looked around the untouched space. She hadn’t stepped foot in here since the day before Michael’s funeral. That day she was just in a rush to pack everything away so she wouldn’t have to look at it, she can’t even remember what was actually in here. She sighed as she looked at the stacked boxes, “I guess now’s a good time as any.”

There wasn’t as much stuff as she initially thought as she started removing the tops. Many of the boxes were in fact empty; those she placed inside each other and gathered away in a one corner. She pulled a large plastic bin from against the wall and her breath caught as she looked at the label. It was everything from her wedding day. Opening it, right on top was her wedding dress encased in a plastic garment bag. Holding up the bag, she unzipped it and pulled out the gown. It was still pristine white. She chuckled at the size on the tag. When she was pregnant, she had gained about 60 pounds, so she went from wearing a size 6 to a size 14. Lucky for her it was mostly baby.

She sat down on the floor with the dress in her lap as she started digging through more of the items. Next was the guest signing book and photo album. She flipped the photo album open and the first page was her and Michael posing together and he was cradling her belly. They had decided to do the photo session before the wedding as a precaution. As she started flipping through more photos, she didn’t feel the sadness she was concerned about. It was more of a relief than she anticipated. The sense of finality, that she was finally, officially moving on washed over her as she held her wedding dress in her hands. She didn’t need a ceremony. She didn’t need the extravaganza or anything of the noise. Her journey here had been enough. She just wanted peace for her and Chris and there’s was no better way to ensure that than to do things the way they wanted to.

 Just as she left the room, her phone rang. Robyn slid over the answer key, “Yes Christopher.”

“You ok?”

“I’m fine. You really don’t have to keep checking on me.”

“I know but I’ll do it anyway.”

“Clearly. How’s our babies?”

“They are good. Getting ready for bed. You coming back this way?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Always.”

Robyn giggled, “I have a preposition for you that might make life easier for you.”

“And what’s that?”

“Let’s get married this weekend.”

“This weekend?”

“Yup. In New Orleans. They only have a 24 hour waiting period and I don’t see any reason to wait any longer than that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then I’m in.”

“Good. See you in an hour.”

“Ok. Be careful.”

“I will, Baby.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

                                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Chris handed Robyn a bottle of juice as he sat next to her at the gate, “I was surprised we got the day off on a Thursday.”

“It always help to have a good relationship with your supervisor.”

“That’s true, “ Chris looked over to Erin and Erica who were sitting at a table coloring, “you think they’ve figured anything out yet?”

“Nah, I just told it was a quick vacation. I think we can make a room for some fun over the weekend.”

“You thought about a honeymoon?”

“Not really. You?”

“Not really either.”

Robyn laughed, “I mean we don’t have to take one right after. We can hold off for whenever.”

“Works for me.”

“Nervous?”

“More so anxious. We have a meeting with my realtor next week.”

“You’re ready to sell already?”

“Yea. I don’t see the purpose of waiting.”

“How’d the room cleaning go?”

“It went really well. I got rid of most of the stuff, whatever his mother didn’t want, I either threw away or donated.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, Babe.”

Chris pulled her close and kissed her temple, “was it hard?”

“It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would’ve been. It was more relief than anything. I think the time was just right, you know? After 9 years, I think it was time to move on”

“Ever wish you would’ve done it sooner?”

“Honestly, no. I didn’t really have a reason to do it sooner. It gave the girls some connection to him and I got to keep my memories.”

“Do you think it removes any of those things?”

“No. His things being there was just my comfort, you know. Kept my life familiar. Now I realize, my memories and the twins memories of him aren’t going anywhere regardless of whether I kept his things or not. I don’t think I would’ve been receptive enough in the past to even consider that. Besides I wasn’t ready to move on.”

“Who are you? What have you done with my Robyn?”

Robyn laughed as she playfully shoved his shoulder, “stop it especially since you the one made me confront all this stuff.”

“I did do that, huh?”

“Would you have made me get rid of his stuff before I moved in?”

“No, I would’ve waited until you were ready. It would’ve had to be in storage, of course but other than, no problem here.”

“You’re sweet. Where’s my Chris?”

“He grew up.”

Robyn smiled and pecked his lips, “you ready for this?”

“I’ve been ready.”

About fifteen minutes later, they were boarding the plane to New Orleans.

  “Mommy, you look so pretty,” Erica said as Robyn walked into the living room of their hotel suite.

“You think so?” Robyn gave a quick turn, “thank you, sweetie. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. Daddy said we’re going out to dinner later.”

“We are. We might be going on a haunted house tour this weekend too.”

“Really? That’s so cool.”

“I’m glad you think so. We’re gonna try and find as much fun stuff to do for our little vacation.”

“Yay!

Robyn carefully patted the top of her head to make sure she didn’t flatten her curls before directly Erica to sit down.

“Chris, Babe, are you ready yet?”

“We’re coming,” Chris replied as he and Erin walked into the living room. He stopped short as he looked up at Robyn, “wow.”

Robyn blushed as she brushed a stray hair behind her ear, “don’t look at me like that, you’re making me nervous.”

“I’m sorry. You just look incredible.”

“Thank you.”

“You wanna tell them now or wait until we get to the courthouse?”

“Now if you want.”

“Is something wrong, Mommy? Daddy?” Erin asked.

“How about you sit down next to your sister? Mommy and Daddy have something important we want to tell you, “ Robyn replied.

Erin sat down next to her sister as Robyn and Chris sat across from them on the ottoman, “Mommy is it bad news?”

“No, it’s very good news. Chris, do you want to do the honors?”

“Well me and Mommy didn’t want to wait so we’re getting married today.”

“Yay!!” Erin and Erica exclaimed as they jumped up to hug their parents.

“Do we still get to be flower girls?”

“Absolutely. We have your baskets and bouquets in the car downstairs.”

“Is anyone else coming?”

“No, we just wanted it to be us and our girls. We’ll surprise them later.”

“Oh ok.”

“So you ready for the wedding?”

“Yes, can we go now? I wanna drop some flowers.”

Chris and Robyn chuckled as they stood up, “let’s go get married.”

[aiden-png]

I have no one to vent to about health junk so I’m just gonna scream under the cut

‘hell yeah I’m gonna get two coffees today and get all my work done and it’s gonna be great bc I stayed up til 2am last night due to my job and have class until 9:30pm or later tonight so I gotta stay energized’ *drinks half of second coffee, which admittedly has 2 shots of espresso or more in it* heart: haha, so you choose death then?

I hate it I hate alskddfskjl I know I already wrote a vent fic about AFib but it didn’t work bc it just keeps happening and getting worse. it feels like I’m suffocating like I just can’t breathe bc something’s not right but I literally can’t do anything about it. my chest will just get tighter and tighter until my heart finally starts skipping beats or stopping and it makes me feel so faint. but I’m just sitting doing nothing whenever it happens, I’m not even. walking. standing. I’m just. and it’s always been like that!! I don’t understand and I hate it, I hate that doctors don’t believe me and I can’t afford an EKG or heart monitor. AFib runs in my family, so do other heart problems. my uncle died in his 40s of a sudden AFib attack. this was in January 2020. I panic that I’m going to die too. but I can’t afford the tests, I probably can’t even afford medication. idk what I’m going to do. it’s hard enough to get to the drs appointments I already have for T and post-op stuff. I can’t afford another surgery and I know I need 2 but I’m trying to ignore that until I can’t walk anymore, so I’ve got a few more months hopefully.

people keep nagging me about my eating problems too. I can’t. idk if that’s why my heart is fucking up rn. I know I’m underweight but I can’t do anything about it. I ate lunch yesterday and got annoyed w myself for wasting an hour to eat, and I didn’t even eat a meal I just got fries and hung out w a friend. she told me I have an eating disorder and I can’t accept that bc I don’t have time for more health problems, I really don’t. I’m eating enough that I don’t feel faint, that I have energy, that my thoughts are running as fast as they need to be. none of my clothes fit anymore. I’m eating high calorie foods every chance I get to try to gain back what I lost a few weeks ago but gaining weight has always been hard for me. I didn’t really eat for 5 days and I figured it would be fine bc my body would go into starvation mode like always and I’d gain weight when I stopped feeling sick, but I was wrong. I don’t want to be underweight or thin or anything, I like being soft. I liked my curves even, though T got rid of those a while ago. I’m trying not to look at myself in the mirror anymore bc I can see my ribs and my hips, and my prof keeps showing us images of ppl w anorexia so we can see how skin covers bone for figure drawing. I don’t like seeing myself that way.

maybe if I have a heart attack or I faint and get hospitalized I can finally catch a break. I’ll be stressing to no end while I’m forced into bedrest, but at least I’ll have a reason to take a break. I’ll be marked absent for all my classes and my GPA will tank bc they don’t give a shit about students here but at least I’ll have the excuse I need to be selfish for a while. I hate that venting isn’t helping right now, but ofc it won’t help when my back hurts and I can’t tell if it’s from stress or my heart. I just have a feeling that if I wear a heart monitor and do the tests they’ll come back negative like the time I got an EEG for my seizures. I will have seizures for the foreseeable future now, bc there is no easy way to fix stress-related health problems other than lessening stress levels.

which I can’t do.

and if they tell me hey, you don’t have heart problems and the only reason you think you do is bc you’re stressed and it’s manifesting physically again.. but here’s a massive bill anyway, fuck you... I can’t handle that. I can’t afford it. maybe I can convince my mom to take me for an EKG when I go on break for the winter. she won’t pay but at least I’ll have free time to get the tests done. I can’t even ask a relative what their heart condition feels like, bc they’ve all died at this point. I’ve always thought I’d die young, but from liver failure or something, not a heart attack.

I can’t afford this. I need to be healthy and fine. I have too much going on in my life to worry about my health.

[jeonchan26]

Used To Be (Part 8)

Warnings; Angst, A Little Bit Of Fluff(Maybe) Self-Esteem & swearing. Mental Abuse, Toxic Relationship, Don’t Read If It Might Trigger You.

This Is All Made Up, I Don’t Believe The Boys Would Do Any Of This. Our Boys Are Angels❤️

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You were at loss the next weeks, it became harder for you. You would see Jungkook walking around school, ignoring you like you never existed in his life. He became popular having girls around him. When you guys were friends, girls didn’t get close to him because Jungkook only paid attention to you. Chan well let’s just say it hasn’t been easy since you had agreed to the marriage proposal. You wished you could of said no but losing your son is a pain that no mother should go through. You felt like the whole world was just against you but your son was the only reason you kept going, hiding away the pain.

A few weeks later, you were about 6 months now. You definitely couldn’t hide your bump anymore and at this point everybody knew that your were caring Chan’s baby but nobody knew the deal that was going on between you and him. He made sure to keep that on the low. He was still dating Rachel & if you weren’t pregnant you know damn well that she would definitely bully you physically but she made sure to only do it verbally. And there wasn’t a day that didn’t go by that she reminded you what a slut, home wrecker, whore you were for throwing yourself at Chan.

Being 6 months pregnant was becoming harder because with your bump growing everyday it was harder to get to place or even putting on shoes. Chan and his friends made sure to be with you at one point of the day helping you with whatever you needed. Every morning at least one of them would pick you up from your house and drive you to school. You hated how much control Chan had in your life but you had no one else to rely on.

It was a regular Friday, you were getting ready for another day of a school. The only exciting event was that you were going to see Jimin today and of course Baby Groot. Classes were rather slow, girls glaring at you while there were actually some that feel sorry for you. You were getting ready to leave when you saw Jungkook at his locker. Everybody was in class and it was just you took. ‘Should I talk to him?’ You thought, staring at him biting you lip. You decided go for it,“Um hey Jungkook!” You said while looking at the floor moving your gaze up to meet his cold ones.

“What do you want?” He asked his voice calm. “I was just wondering how you were doing?” You said your voice shaking a little. You were nervous it’s been weeks since you talked to him and your last conversation thanks to Chris didn’t go well. “I’m doing good, I can see you’re doing good. Seems like the baby is growing” you said with a softer voice when he noticed your body language. It was like you were scared of saying the wrong thing.

“Yea, he is growing. Do you umm wanna see a picture?” You asked your hand reaching for your phone. “Yea i would like too” Jungkook couldn’t lie and say he didn’t miss you. Of course he did, but the fact that you lied to him was a big deal for him because he had dealt with liars before and he hated it. “My doctor said he is growing healthy. He said I’m gonna have a normal delivery hopefully.” You said with a huge smile on your face showing him your ultrasound picture.

“That’s great to hear! I’m glad you guys are doing good! I gotta get to class.” He said closing his locker, getting his books and leaving. “Wait Jungkook, i wanted to tell you that Chan lied. I swear! He didn’t want to be in the baby’s life & he is threatening me to take him away if I don’t do what he says.” You ranted out, you noticed jungkook giving you a confused look. You hoped he believe you but he stared turned cold the second his gaze meet yours. “Stop fucking lying to me! I thought I would be able to figure you but you keep lying I can’t. Bye (y/n)” with that he walked away.

You let out a shaky breath, ‘why can’t you guys believe me.’ You left not even telling Chan you were leaving or waiting for him. You went to your doctors appointment and Jimin told you everything was good nothing to worry about. He gave you some pictures for you to take home. Jimin noticed your mood but because you were barely talking decided to give your space. With that you left to your house & changed. Feeling tired and exhausted, you were about to fall asleep when there was a knock on your door.

With a heavy sigh you got up and walk towards the door, opening it there was no surprise that it was Chan. You walked away back to your room with Chan behind you closing your door. You went to lay down on the bed when you heard Chan speak. “Why didn’t you wait for me?” “Because I didn’t feel like it.” You whisper your back facing him.

“I don’t care what you feel, you know better!” Chan voice was raising little by little. You were exhausted of just everything at this point. Everything you did was wrong, “So what Chan! What the fuck do you want! These past few weeks I’ve been dealing with your shit. With your friends, your girlfriend what more do you want for me. I agreed didn’t I, but I only did it because I love my son and I would be damned if I let you take him away from me! God I don’t even know who the fuck you are anymore. You were never like this, you never treated me like crap but fuck I’m tired of dealing with you. I have no one okay! I lost jungkook because you fucking lied to him! Fuck Christopher! Ahhh!!!” You couldn’t event think straight everything was coming out before you could stop yourself. 

Chan was just starting at you with an amused smirk but you could of swore you saw a bit of guilt in his eyes, you say the love that he once had for you but it quickly disappeared.

“Get dressed” he said after you rant. He put a box next you. You sat up, wiped your tears and opened the box. You knew that fighting with him was useless. Your eyes widen in shocked as you saw a white dress with flats. “What the hell is this?” When you looked up at Chan you saw him wearing a tuxedo. He look good you couldn’t lie. “What does it look like baby? It’s our wedding day. Make sure you do your hair and make up but hurry up we don’t have that much time. It’s in about an hour” he said like nothing.

“What the hell? You said we were going to get married until after school” you said getting up from the bed. “Yea but I decided why Wait? Right? Now hurry up before I dress you myself” Chan said getting annoyed with your questions. “Bu-“ You didn’t get to finished as Chan cut you off. “Just get ready! Don’t make me repeat myself!” Chan voices boomed making you shut up and started to get ready. Chan mad was a different site that you were used too but you were definitely scared.

After 40 mins you were dressed and ready to go. The dress that Chan got for you was beautiful, it fit you perfectly it was loose around your stomach but you could see your bump. Looking at yourself you felt beautiful. You walked out of your room to find Chan on his phone but putting it away once’s he saw you, walking towards the door you quickly followed trying not to make him more upset. He got in the car, you following and closing the door before he took off to god knows where but you stayed quiet, holding back tears.

“Stop fucking crying! I’m giving you what you want” Chan said hearing the anger in his voice, made you quiet down. 

‘What I want? What I want is for you to love me like you did before. What changed’ you thought looking out of the window. 

You stopped at the court house and you knew there was no turning back now. Chan walked to your side of the door and opened it. Grabbing your hand helping you out, walking hand in hand towards the court house.

Once inside you heart dropped. Chan’s friends were there but seeing Jungkook there was like a stabbed to the heart. “Look Happy because after this you won’t know what it was like to be happy” Chan whispered in your ear giving you a kiss on the cheek and left you to say hi to his guest. You stared at Jungkook and he looked away, walking towards Chan giving him a bro hug. None of them giving you a second glance.

Walking towards the judge, you both said your I do’s, kissing and walked out hand in hand. 

You were numb ‘how did my life get like this?’ You thought. 

You were brought back from your thoughts and say Woojin and Seungmin making their way towards you. “Hey congratulations! We wish you guys the best!” Woojin said pulling you into a hug, after Seungmin. All you could do was say Thank you and smile. Jungkook was next but he just said congratulations and walked away. You didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t even glance your way. He said goodbye to Chan and his friends and left. You were waiting for Chan to finish so you could go home.

“I’m pretty sure you are aware that your moving into my house now. My guys already brought your stuff and set it up” he said it so calmly you thought it was a lie. “Okay” was all you said. Chan drove you guys home, you sat quietly in your seat, playing with the hem of your dress. You arrived at your new house and were shocked to see how big it was. This was definitely a different house then the one you saw Chan live before. 

“Since we are married now, this house is a gift from my parents. You stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine” Chan said pulling up, turning off the car and getting off. You followed him inside the house.

“Welcome To your new house baby girl! Well I’m going out to celebrate our wedding day. But you can’t leave this house whatsoever. I’ll be back later!” With that he left you alone in the house that didn’t feel like a home.

“Here’s to our new life! I promise I’ll get you out of here!” You said to your son.

Chan’s POV

‘Seeing her scared of me made me feel guilty but I shouldn’t feel this way. She lied and used me. I can never forgive her. Behind that sweet innocent act, there’s nothing but a gold digger waiting to come out. All she wanted was my money and the title she would get. That’s exactly what I’m giving her. Nobody makes a fool of me and gets away with it. I will make her pay, even if it hurts me. Why can’t I stop loving her? My heart aches and wants nothing but to hold her but no Chan you gotta show her that you’re nobody’s fool’ Chan thought as he left to go out with his friends and end the night in Rachel’s bed for the night. 

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Hey guys! 

Sorry it took me awhile to post part 8 but I just moved into my new house and I’ve been busy moving my stuff and organize it as well but I promise I will post when I get the chance!

Also I’m going to go see SKZ tomorrow night a& I’m so excited. It inspired me to upload part 8! 

[scariusaquarius]

the secrets that we keep pt 5

Tim Wright x Reader

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A/n: this one is long as FUCK and i am SORRY. It only gets shittier from here, folks. Thanks for being dank with meeeee. I’m so happy that the first series on my blog is a Tim Wright fic LMAO

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Tagging: @monst @ikinabi

NAVIGATION: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five (HERE) | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight

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Genre: Mystery, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort Rated: Everyone Warning: Horror, Angst, Slight Swearing, Blood, Mentions of Blood, Nudity, Slight Sexual Theme

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Author: dabisburntnut

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When you woke up again, the car was moving, the radio softly playing. Tim was talking on the phone, most likely with his boss, and you turned over. Tim glanced over at you, and his hand gently brushed against your hair. You sighed, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of his fingers gently scratching against your scalp.

“-Yeah, I just thought a little vacation would be nice. I wasn’t able to file the request until yesterday, though. I’ll try not to be late with it again the next time.”

Tim said into the phone, making you glance up at him. Tim’s thumb brushed against your cheek, and you grabbed his hand, kissing his palm. Tim looked over at you, eyes wide and ears pink, and he turned away, coughing slightly. You giggled lightly, and Tim’s lip curled up slightly.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

Tim hung up and he asked you, looking down at you again.

“Good morning…how are you feeling?”

The memories of the night before made you still, thinking back on the feeling of…whoever was in the backseat breathing on you, and you replied quietly.

“I’m feeling fine. Where are we headed?”

Tim was quiet, seeming to contemplate your answer and question before saying quietly.

“We’re gonna go back to Alabama for our things…and there’s something that I gotta do. Once we get our stuff and I finish what I need to do then we’re going to officially leave…I don’t know where we’re going to go once we get out of Alabama, but I know that it’s going to be anywhere but.”

You wished you didn’t have to, but you knew you needed to. You and Tim didn’t have enough to just go buy clothes while still being able to afford food and a hotel every once in a while. You suggested softly.

“We should also grab all of our non-perishable foods from the apartment…I think I have a cooler somewhere so we can at least have some drinks.”

Tim was surprised that you weren’t protesting and throwing a fit at the thought of going back to Alabama. It made him wonder if some part of you wanted to go back. Tim nodded and replied.

“That’s a good idea. The longer we can hold off on using our money, the better.”

You stayed quiet; Tim’s hand gently rubbing at the skin of your neck, and you winced as your head began to hurt slightly. Sighing, you sat up, rubbing at your forehead. You asked.

“Do we have any painkillers?”

Tim shook his head, replying.

“No, but we can stop and get some on the way.”

You nodded before cracking your neck, rubbing at the soreness of your muscles before stretching, laying back down.

“If you want, I can drive for a while.”

You suggested, glancing up at Tim. Tim looked over at you, his brows furrowed.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded before yawning.

“Maybe. Not right now, though.”

Tim chuckled a bit and he replied.

“I think I can manage for a few more hours.”

You nodded and scooted so that you could lean against Tim. His body was warm, and it comforted you. For a moment, you were quiet before you asked softly.

“Hey, Tim?”

“Yeah?”

You bit your lip before asking softly.

“Do you…do you think I’m going crazy?”

Tim asked you almost immediately, his tone revealing his surprise.

“What? What do you mean?”

You sighed before shaking your head, closing your eyes and running a hand down your face.

“I don’t know, I just feel like last night…maybe it really wasn’t real…but it felt real. I could hear them breathing…feel their hot breath against my ear, and I felt their hands pressing down on the seat…”

Your voice trailed off as your heart began to race, and you took a calming breath.

“I just…I feel like I’m losing my mind. Between the paranoia…the anxiety…the feeling that something is there but when I look, there’s nothing there…the memory lapses…it’s driving me up the wall. I feel so scattered, Tim.”

Tim was quiet, and for a moment, you almost felt like you had over-shared or said something wrong. However, Tim said to you, his voice firm.

“You are not going crazy, (Y/n). I know it’s hard to wrap your head around it all, but...but the tapes are gonna explain it better than I can. I can promise that you’re not going crazy. Whatever it is you experienced last night was probably real to you…Jay and I encountered some stuff like that before when this all started.”

Tim still didn’t know if that was what terrified him the most or the fact that he had no memory of last night…if it was him as the masked man…watching you…observing.

“I can only do so much, but I promise you that I’m going to protect you. It may seem like we’re running in circles, but we can get away…if I can escape from it once, I can do it again…and you can too.”

You bit your lip before whispering.

“I’m just so scared, Tim. I’m scared that I will lose you…or…or worse…and I don’t want to know what that worse thing might be.”

Tim bit his lip before replying softly.

“I know. I know you’re scared…I am too, but I’m not going to go anywhere, okay? We’re going to be fine.”

You held onto his hand, his thumb brushing against your skin gently, and you suddenly said, biting your lip.

“I’m sorry, Tim.”

Tim glanced at you, raising an eyebrow.

“What are you apologizing for? There’s nothing you did wrong.”

“I just…it’s strange for me to be like this, isn’t it? So afraid…so fragile…I’m normally not shaken by things like this…but I can’t help but be afraid because I don’t know how this ends. I don’t know if this even has an ending to it....just an endless cycle that never really had a beginning…”

Your voice trailed off, and Tim was quiet, trying to figure out what to say. Was there really anything that he could say that would make you feel better? Probably not. The fear and anxiety was always going to be there no matter what either of you said to each other, and Tim knew that you knew that.

He knew that so well, and he hated it. He hated that there was nothing that he could really do to help you mentally other than give you some comforting words that he knew only held a small semblance of meaning. Tim shook his head slightly before saying quietly.

“It isn’t strange to be afraid every once in a while, (Y/n). We won’t ever know how this ends until we finish it, but for right now…let’s just focus on surviving.”

You nodded and mumbled softly.

“Thanks, Tim. I hope I bring you as much comfort as you bring me.”

Tim smiled lightly.

“More than you’ll ever know.”

-TIMESKIP-

When you two arrived back in Alabama, Tim had stopped outside of the clinic he often visited for his doctor appointments. He had told you he was just going to talk to his doctor real quick, and you had nodded, deciding to stay in the car. You were wrapped up in the blanket, snuggled against the seat as the radio softly played.

The moment you two had crossed the state line, you had noticed how Tim had tensed…and how your head had begun to pound with such vigor that it almost incapacitated you. For most of the ride to the clinic, you held the blanket over your head so you wouldn’t have to see the brightness of the day.

Tim had yet to return from the office, and you were sure that at least fifteen minutes had already passed by. Biting your lip, you wondered if you should have gone in after him. Sure, you were being a bit clingy, but this time you had good reason to be. Sighing lightly, you simply snuggled into the seat, trying to get the pounding in your head to lessen. Just as you were getting comfortable, you heard it. A soft tapping on your window.

Your heart began to race as the tapping became more persistent, and you pretended to be asleep, hoping that whatever this was would go away. However, the tapping soon became full on knocking, and your head began to hurt as the familiar impending sense of doom came over you.

Over and over, they knocked, becoming more furious the more the knocking went, and soon enough, it sounded like the being was beating on the window, trying to force their way in. You were shaking and crying, covering your ears and squeezing your eyes shut when suddenly, the banging stopped.

Slowly, you uncovered your ears, cautious as you slowly unveiled the blanket from your face, glancing around the car. Visibly, there was nobody there, and you wondered what had made the person banging on the window stop. Sitting up, you looked around before freezing.

“Eyes open, (Y/n).”

You screamed loudly as the voice whispered right into your ear, and you jumped out of the car, almost tripping over yourself as you scrambled to get out. Your bare feet smacked against the pavement as you ran to the entrance of the clinic. Practically bursting into the clinic, Tim and some unknown doctor spun to the entrance, Tim’s eyes widening on you.

He met you halfway, grabbing onto your shoulders as you hysterically tried to spit out what happened, tears falling down your face.

“What happened?”

Tim asked you, holding your face and trying to wipe your eyes. You, however, were too hysterical to let your head stand still.

“In the…the car! He…He was in the car again! I heard him!”

Tim gently soothed you, cooing softly to ease your panic.

“Hey, its okay, you’re fine. Nobody’s going to hurt you, I promise. You’re safe, okay? I need you to breathe for me, baby.”

You were hyperventilating, trying so hard to follow Tim’s breathing, but your panic had already settled too deep into your veins. Tim rest his forehead against yours, whispering softly as he held your hand to his heart.

“Follow the feeling of my heart, (Y/n). Focus on me. You’re going to be fine. I need you to breathe, okay? Breathe with me. Focus on just me.”

You hiccuped, trying so hard to control your sobs, Tim’s heartbeat and voice a soothing feeling. Tim was breathing deeply, trying to get you to copy, and you tried to follow. In the oxygen went, deep into your lungs and filling the empty spaces, staying for just a moment before you sniffled it back out.

Your breathing hiccuped a few times before you were able to breathe in again. Tim held you to him, gently rubbing your back as he soothed.

“That’s it; breathe for me, (Y/n). Everything is fine. You’re safe, okay?”

You held onto his shirt tightly, trying to forget the sound of the unknown person’s voice. Tim’s voice was soothing, a calming rift within the sea that continued to torment you, and you bit your lip so hard that you began to taste blood. A sudden voice made you freeze and tense up, Tim’s arms tightening around you protectively.

“Mr. Wright, is everything alright?”

Tim nodded.

“Yes, everything is fine. She just has these episodes sometimes.”

There was a pregnant pause before the person, seemingly his doctor, suggested.

“Would you like any help? It seems she’s having a panic attack.”

“I think I have it covered from here. It just happens from time to time.”

You let out a shaky breath, pressing your face into the crook of his neck, and you whispered.

“I want to leave…I don’t want to be here…I’m so sorry I embarrassed you like this, Tim.”

Tim responded quietly.

“You didn’t embarrass me, (Y/n). I’d rather you come to me than run away entirely.”

You nodded softly, your neck still burning hot from the shame. The doctor asked quietly.

“Does she have the episodes often?”

“Only every once in a while. I’m pretty sure she has some sort of panic disorder, but she was never diagnosed nor does she take any medication for it.”

The doctor hummed before suggesting.

“Perhaps, if you want, we can get an evaluation done and try to get some sort of diagnosis for her?”

Tim replied almost immediately, rubbing your side gently.

“I don’t think it’s a good time right now, but I appreciate the offer. Thanks for the refills. We’ll be in touch.”

Tim immediately began to lead you out, noting your bare feet, and you began to shake again once you both exited out of the clinic. Tim didn’t know what to say, if he was honest. It was the first time he had ever seen you like that: hysterical and absolutely terrified.

Going back into the car, Tim watched as you stumbled into the car, shaking and looking very out of it. Fuck, it was a mistake to bring you back, but he wasn’t about to leave you in some run-down hotel. Tim got into the car, and he watched you as you slowly covered up with the blanket, looking around for any threat.

“What did you see?”

You were quiet for a moment before replying.

“I didn’t see him…I…I heard him…felt his breath against me again.”

Your eyes filled with tears, and you whispered shakily.

“It was tapping on the window at first…I thought it was rain, but then it got louder…louder and louder and more aggressive. It was like it was trying to smash the window open…and then it just stopped. I looked around when I…when he…he said ‘eyes open, (Y/n)’ and I didn’t stick around after that.”

Tim was quiet for a moment, trying to piece his thoughts together. He then replied after a moment, sparing you a glance.

“Let’s just…get out of here as soon as we can.”

You nodded, understanding that maybe Tim just didn’t know what to say. Honestly, you had no idea what to say either. Were you truly going mad? Were you sick? Shaking your head, you began to cough, and Tim felt his heart sink further into the pit of his stomach. Hallucinations, coughing, the paranoia and anxiety, the migraine you were sporting…Tim was beginning to believe that the Operator was sinking it’s claws into you, trying to take you away as fast as it could before the two of you could escape.

Tim bit his lip, feeling his chest constrict as tears filled his eyes. He wanted to be strong for you, he did, but…god, he was so scared. Tim could feel the anxiety biting at the back of his neck, trying to intrude on his thoughts, and he turned on the radio. You weren’t shaking anymore, but you were still clearly anxious, your fingers picking at the blanket and eyes darting around the scenery as he drove to his next destination.

-TIMESKIP-

When the two of you made it back to your apartment, your shoulders relaxed slightly. It was a familiar sight that brought comfort and peace despite the small aching of fear that the Operator would appear within your home again.

Tim stepped out of the car with vigor and anticipation, wanting to get your belongings and get out as soon as possible. You opened the car door and followed him inside, looking around for any sign of danger. However, there were none so far, so you quickly darted to the bedroom, grabbing your suitcase and beginning to shove anything and everything in it.

Clothes, toiletries, memories…all shoved into your little suitcase. By the time you were finished, your dresser and closet were barren. Just a few pieces of clothing that you didn’t care for, shoes that you didn’t really wear and pictures that you felt would be alright being left behind.

Tim had grabbed only the immediate essentials that he needed, and you could hear the distinct sound of his pill bottles rattling. You asked him, scratching your neck.

“Have you taken your pills yet today?”

Tim glanced back at you and nodded.

“Took them about an hour ago.”

You nodded, mumbling softly.

“That’s good…that’s good.”

You walked aimlessly to the kitchen, opening up the cabinets and grabbing all of the nonperishable foods, placing them into a bag before standing back, just looking at the kitchen and remembering.

When you had first gotten this place, you had been alone. You and Tim hadn’t been dating the time you got the apartment, and you remember how excited 20 year old you was. How amazing it was that you got an apartment at 20 with a steady job while most people from your high school days were still living with their parents.

Not that there was anything wrong about it, but it had made you feel…accomplished. Then, you remembered Tim. You remembered when you two first hung out in this place, drinking wine and having dinner together. You remember how the night ended with him kissing you on your front door step. You remembered the first time you two slept together here, when he had asked you out in the morning, when he had first moved in after his apartment burned down.

You remembered waking up in the early morning, making breakfast together while the coffee brewed; his hands on your hips while the two of you swaying to the soft rhythm of the music filtering from the radio. You can still hear the song that played on that day if you remembered hard enough. Your eyes closed, and you hung your head, holding onto the strap of the bag tightly before your hand brushed against the counter.

You remember when you sat in this spot, Tim attempting to make dinner, and you had brought him into a deep kiss that had caused the two of you to order take out later because the food he had been cooking was burnt beyond saving. You smiled lightly at the memory, and you sighed. A hand on your hip made you jump lightly, and you turned to see Tim looking down at you.

There was a bittersweet look in his eyes as well, and you rest your forehead against his chest. His lips gently kissed your head, and he remembered as well. Every moment, every second, every breath stolen and kiss shared, every argument, every tender moment. He remembered it all, and it sucked that you two had to leave it behind so soon. How cruel fate was, wasn’t it?

You pulled away to wipe your eyes, and you cleared your throat before walking to the living room, grabbing your laptop from under the coffee table. You let the bag of food fall, and you opened your laptop. Tim felt his heart begin to fall in his stomach.

It was time.

Slowly, Tim made his way over to you, sitting beside you as you logged in and brought up YouTube. As you brought up the channel Marble Hornet, his body was tense with the dread running through his veins as he watched you pull up the first entry. Leaning into Tim, he wrapped his arm around you and held you close, his heart becoming heavy as the tapes began to play.

By entry five, when Jay first spoke within the video, Tim’s heart had constricted in his chest. You, however, had gasped lightly. Tim glanced down at you as the sound of Jay’s voice filled the room, your lips pursing as you stared at the screen. He could see your eyes getting a bit glassy, and it made his heart hurt.

It was cruel of him to forget that you, too, were hurt by the loss of your friends. Maybe not as hurt by Jay’s death as the two of you weren’t especially close as you and Alex, but still. You still called him friend, and Tim should have never kept you in the dark about it all.

It really wasn’t fair to you, but he had been scared.

If you knew he was the one to kill Alex, would you still love him? Would you still want to be with him? Tim fished out his pills as he became anxious, shaking slightly, and your hand soothingly scratching his back only made him feel guiltier. He did not deserve such a soothing touch from an angel. Tim did not say anything, however, as he sat back and waited for the inevitable truth to be splayed out before you.

[TBC]

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS WORK, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND REBLOG. 

[angelicspaceprince]

my love, my angel, I have a question for you. Am I the only one who consistently thinks about Beetlejuice having a thing for his partner being pregnant? Bc I do, a lot. Any thoughts?

I may or may not be writing a fic on this so this is gonna be short and sweet because, yes, I think about this too much.

Uh nsft guys. We be talking sessy times in here

Beej TOTALLY has a breeding kink

He likes to keep his cum in you for as long as possible, making you bulge a little with just how much he produces

When he finally pulls out, he likes to finger you so it stays in

He likes the sound of his cum squelching in you, it makes his body purr when he can hear and feel how much is inside of you

Totally keeps you plugged up whenever he can just so he can see the bulge for a bit longer because

Yes

He loves the idea of you being preggers

But, both of you figure bc he’s dead, he can’t have kids.

So, the both of you just decide to leave it for now, Beej being content with the pseudo pregnancy his cum provides

Always comes out during sex about how he’s gonna fuck you until you’re knocked up with his kids, keeping you large and round and pregnant as often as he physically can

Often fantasies about you waddling around like a penguin and it amuses him and turns him on

You can tell when he’s been having that fantasy bc the sex is just. Different. So so different.

It takes you a little while to realise whats wrong.

You skip periods all the time, mostly due to stress at work, but you’re also on the pill. Maybe you forgot to switch over to the sugar pill this month?

The nausea was surely just anxiety or a tummy bug

The dizziness was definitely because you couldn’t keep anything down, low blood sugar and blood pressure, of course.

The cramping in your tummy must be because you are close to getting a period

Beej is the one who snaps first and gets you to go to the doctor

“Babes, this has been going on for months. Go see the doctor.”

You could tell that he was super concerned by this point and, to be honest, so were you - three months of this was beginning to stress you out

You rolled your eyes when the doctor told you to take a pregnancy test but followed through anyway.

When it came back as positive, you asked for a sample to be sent off because. You can’t be. Beej is a dead guy

You tell Beej the doctor wasn’t sure what was wrong, so he has sent more tests off. Which just made the Bugman nervous and angry that it was taking so long

You were clearly sick, why can’t they fix you?

A week later, you get the results.

Positive.

4 months.

Fuck.

After the initial panic, you finally decide you gotta tell Beej before booking any prenatal appointments

You tell him gently, getting him to sit on the couch as you carefully explain what’s (quote unquote) wrong with you

He faints

When he wakes up, his hair is purple and blue, clearly expecting the worse.

“Who’s is it?”

You blink in confusion.

“It’s.....it’s yours, B.”

“I’m a dead guy, Y/N, I can’t have children.” He spits, clearly pissed. “Of course you’d cheat on me! Why would you ever be happy with me? I’m just a dead guy who can’t even get his partner preg-”

“If you seriously think that I’d have it in me to cheat, Beetlejuice, you can walk out those doors right now.” Your emotionless voice cuts through his rant as you stare right ahead, holding back tears

You got why he thought you were cheating, but the fact that he thought it was an actual possibility still stung.

Once he had processed everything, he started to get excited. Both of you did

He did the nursery himself, you were on bed rest the moment you hit 5 months on decree of the Ghost with the Most.

The nursery was creepy yet cute. You approved. The green, white and black stripes were restricted to one wall, however, much to Beetlejuice’s chagrin.

He came to every appointment, just as nervous as you, leg bouncing as you held onto his hand as you did the ultrasounds, deciding to keep the sex of the baby a secret for now

Each night, he’d hold onto you, his hands resting on your ever growing belly

The larger you grow, the more hornier he becomes

He just loves the idea of life growing inside of you and he was the one to put it there

When/if you start lactating, he gets curious

Boom

Breastfeeding kink is discovered

He does everything and anything for you

3am and you want some disgusting combined dish because you are starving?

Guess it’s snack time for the both of you

Exhausted because the baby kept kicking you all night long?

Guess its snuggle time with the Juice

You’ve caught him on more than one occasion singing softly to your belly as you sleep, or talking to the baby about how excited he is to meet them

Low conversations at night about your fears about being a mother

His about being just like his parents, either deserting you when things get too tough or being abusive like his mother

Or worse, he will turn back to the bottle

You squeeze his hand and tell him that together you’ll pull through this.

When your water breaks, he’s quick to get you to the hospital

Outside, he’s cool calm and collected

Inside he’s panicking

What if something goes wrong? What if you lose the baby? What if he loses you?

Everything goes very smoothly, you are sure you broke several of Beetlejuice’s fingers but he stayed silent and encouraged you through the process

When your kid is born and he holds them for the first time, he nearly starts crying

Your nose, your eyes, his lips, his hair

Chocolate brown, just like when he was alive

He swears he’s gonna give his kid a better life than he ever had

Remains as helpful after the birth as before

Gets up just as much as you do when the baby cries over night

Helps change the kid and if you need a break, takes over

Stay At Home Dad

Fite me you can take this out of my cold dead hands

If you start feeling depressed, he’s the one who suggests you go to the doctor to see if something is wrong and makes sure to pick up anything that you can’t do anymore

Changing to formula if you just physically cannot handle the idea of breastfeeding anymore

Does this wordlessly and without judgement

If anyone criticizes your parenting style, they better fucken watch it

The funniest and kindest father out there, it is like he was born to be a dad

Of course, now that its happened once

He’s very keen for it to happen again