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watchoutforthefanfics · 7 months ago

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achievement unlocked 🔓 (part two) || Streamer AU! Reddie (IT)

Part 1

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: this prompt

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

TWs: innuendos, lots of talk of sex (it's Richie), vague mention of one night stands, low self-worth, a little angst, loneliness, imposter syndrome, cursing, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: This one is kinda more angsty than I expected so like. Beware. It's mostly loneliness and low self-esteem. Something cute does happen though. Enjoy :))]]

"Stan," Richie stressed, "-Hear me out."

"It is 2 in the fucking morning where you are, Rich," Stanley replied, kind of flatly (as it always was), "-what are you doing?"

Right, Stan was in Atlanta and he was in San Francisco. The Losers were kind of scattered across America, although, Bev was the closest to him (also in San Francisco). They met up a lot and streamed at Richie's sometimes. (Richie had the better apartment, mostly because of his parents. Gotta use them for something-)

This had nothing to do with that though.

"Debating streaming, obviously," Richie answered -unflinchingly.

"Do you ever get any sleep?" Stan commented, but Richie could tell easily that he was worried. Sometimes, Richie felt a little like he knew him his whole life even though it was only a few years.

"Oh, Staniel," he hummed, deflecting, "-don't stress your dick off, I am fine."

It should go unsaid that he wasn't.

Richie Tozier, in his empty apartment (at least in terms of people), felt lonely. He kind of always felt a little lonely, even on streams or with friends. He would still, at the end of the day, say goodbye and eat his shitty food and watch shitty shows in his dimly lit living room (with a too-big TV that he definitely shouldn't have purchased). So, maybe sometimes he streamed at night because the feeling of just being alone swallowed him whole when he tried to sleep-

"Right," Stanley spoke in a way that Richie knew he didn't believe him (he was right to be fair), "-Richie, why are you calling me?"

Because I felt like I might not be missed. Would you miss me? Stanley, would you miss me?

"To bother you, fucking obviously," Richie said instead.

"Cut the shit," Stanley replied -flatly again.

Richie pressed his lips together for a second, debating just what he wanted to say. If he ever wanted to be truly honest. He debated that every day, he remembers debating that before coming out. If he ever could be truly honest to anybody.

But now, here he was. An openly gay streamer.

He'd had a few public boyfriends too (parents met them, not they cared-), before his Twitch career, yeah, but still.

He hadn't needed to worry about being with someone online though, that was a plus. If he was totally honest, he wasn't sure how he'd handle a public relationship online. He didn't want to fuck it up, or have someone love the fame more than him. He'd seen it before and with everything in him didn't want that.

But Richie... God, he fucking yearned.

Like it was the 1800s and he was forbidden to love who he wanted to. Or maybe like he wanted someone to curl up against on the couch, make his brain shut up. Because it was so loud sometimes, and not in the fucking fun way.

Richie was a balance of self-hatred, emotional repression, and attention starvation. Sometimes he thought that was all he was, that he was annoying. Better in small doses, if you will-

"I don't think anyone is gonna stick around."

He spoke before he could stop it, Richie was never good at shutting up, or controlling himself for that matter-

"Not for-" he echoed out, into his empty apartment, on his bed -staring up at the ceiling, "-Not for me."

Stanley seemed to process it for a second. Like maybe he was running over the words in his mind, getting ready to say some shit laced with wisdom. Like he always did.

"I'm gonna stick around," he decided to say, carefully, "-I'm always gonna be here, Richie."

"I know," he didn't really, but he tried to believe it, "-I know that. I just mean... I mean like you and Pats."

Stanley was married, which initially was a red flag. Marrying your high-school sweetheart was testy, and often ended up in a shitshow. (Richie would've married a closeted guy, so maybe he has no space to judge but-) But Stan and Patty? He's pretty sure they ended up together in every universe, like the kind of love that was inevitable. They could be two fucking birds in a universe and they'd still stick to each other, or at least Richie thought so.

"You mean love?" Stanley questioned, somewhat for clarification.

"Yeah, I don't think-" Richie felt something twist in his stomach, "-I don't think anyone will want to stay with me. I'm..."

"There might be someone as crazy as you out there, Rich."

He laughed a little then, but it still felt so heavy.

"But seriously, you're annoying, yeah-" Stanley continued, voice still scratchy with sleep, "-but you're a good guy, Rich. Don't let this get to your fucking head, but you're funny, and caring, and loyal. Just because you've only dating shitty guys before who didn't see what they had, doesn't mean you aren't good."

Richie stayed silent a moment. He really hadn't had the best relationship with anyone. At all.

"And Patty wants me to say you're handsome too," Stanley added, flatly.

He could hear her voice distantly, "I would snatch you up if you weren't batting for the other team, honey."

"Wow," Stanley responded, offended (but not really), "-you know that we're married, right?"

"We'd obviously be a throuple," Richie commented -casually, before calling out to her, "-and love ya, Pats~"

"Love you too, Richie," she chimed back, and something in him felt a little lighter.

There was a pause there, laughter and smiles hanging in the air. It felt like he was there with them for a second, that he wasn't alone in his apartment... like he always was.

"Richie," Stanley interrupted the warm buzz, "-I know you'll find someone. And I'm never fucking wrong."

He really never was.

He's not sure why he didn't expect it, but when he woke up that morning, Bev was at his door. Stanley probably set her on him, which was something he didn't particularly like... but otherwise, it would be Stanley flying to California to beat his ass. Verbally. Sorta. Stan was complicated-

"Heya, Trashmouth," she grinned, as he opened the door (it was almost too bright for his barely awake eyes), "-I got you some breakfast."

Richie watched as she extended the bag forward and let herself in. It was a little her place at this point because she was here so often. Although, it should be said the whole place screamed Richie Tozier.

Bookshelves full of comics, limited edition signed movie posters littering the walls, an entirely separate display full of trinkets (he had one of Garfield in a bird feeder), and action figures (all posed in... interesting ways, of course). But every core piece of furniture was sort of neutral, Bev's doing. She said, it "balances out the space more", and he frankly trusted her.

"This a fucking welfare visit?" Richie remarked, aimlessly, closing and locking his door, "-You gonna send me to the loony bin if I say stupid shit?"

Beverly responded with ease, turning to patronizingly pat his cheek, "If I was going to do that, I would've done it a long time ago, sweetie."

Richie laughed out loud at that one.

She quietly led him to the living room, and the two of them sat on the floor with the food on the coffee table. He remembers when he didn't even have a coffee table, when all he had were some cardboard boxes-

"Stan told me you called him last night," Bev spoke, cautiously, still eating and not quite looking at him. Like he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to.

Well, at least Richie was right about why she was here.

"Yeah," he decided on, softly, "-I did."

She looked at him then, blue eyes posing a question. Do you wanna talk about it? They screamed, right in Richie's face, all caring and fond and shit he couldn't handle. It made something in his stomach strung tight, and his eyes burned like he was going to cry. He wondered for a second if she could see that.

"You wanna stream?" Richie said, instead.

Beverly didn't flinch, understanding that it wasn't the time, and promptly agreed.

They were setting up a tier list, one of those sites -Richie was trying to make sure his adblock was working currently. He really didn't want to be suspended at this point, especially because of a sketchy ad, streaming meant a lot to him. If he lost it, he didn't know what he'd do, honestly.

Bev sat closely beside him (in an older gaming chair he didn't use anymore), blue eyes peering over the monitor as she carefully ate some chips. Plain lays, if he remembered correctly. Or maybe sour cream and onion, it did smell like that.

"We're doing the Disney princes, right?"

"Yeah," Richie answered fluidly, gently running over audio and video input (just like routine), "-just not sure what we're ranking them on."

"Right," she hummed, eating another chip, "-What about how toxic they'd be as a boyfriend?"

He turned to her then, brainstorming, "How good they fuck?"

Beverly tipped a chip at him, before proposing, "If they can talk dirty?"

"Ooh," Richie grabbed a chip out of the bag, leaning backward in his chair slightly, "-Those kinda go hand-in-hand though, don't they, Red?"

"Let's do it."

She grinned, and Richie felt a little less alone. Even just for a second.

It was the moment in the stream where they were waiting for viewers, Richie tapping along the desk as Beverly sang some lyrics gently.

"Sweet Caroline," she sang lightly, moving her head a little to the beat.

Richie responded on instinct, low and under his breath as he tinkered with the settings, "Bum, bum, bum-"

Honk, honk.

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: pay attention to chat dipshit

"Eddie, baby!" Richie called out extending his hands out like he could somehow hug him, "-And you are freakishly early, there's only like 30 people here, chat is dead as fuck."

eddie.kaspbrak: well fuck me then for clicking on this notification

"Awe, Bevvy, did you hear that?" He held his hands on his heart for a second, pretending to fawn, "-Spaghetti has his notifs on for me."

Beverly laughed, before turning to chat -responsibly, "What he means is thank you, Eddie, for the support."

Richie didn't get to see a response because everyone kind of flooded in after that, chat filled beyond belief in mere seconds. Most of them were Bev-related, but Richie understood, he loved her too.

Finally, they got to the tier list.

"What should we rename the tiers?" Richie asked Beverly directly, fingers tapping along the keyboard (light enough to not press).

She hummed, fingers dancing along her chin.

"Hear me out," he suddenly had a thought, typing it as he said it, "-bottom tier, disgusting (bad). Second highest tier, nasty (good)."

Bev paused, digesting his words for a moment, before nodding her head, "No, that's good I like that."

"B-tier is obviously just mid," Richie continued, mindlessly, typing it in, "-nothing special."

Bev hummed, questioning, "What about S-tier?"

"Hmm," he tapped his chin dramatically, before turning to his monitor, "-chat? We got some opinions?"

"Toe curling," he read out, "-Okay, I like that one, but is it better than good nasty?"

unicorny-boingy: sheet-gripping

slay.to.the.death: spicy novel

girlie-pops: what about a cardinal sin

younganddumb: we are all going to hell

the_turtlegod: are we really talking about this right now

mommy-boys: the perfect fuck (trademark)

jessies_girl: euphoria

Richie pursed his lips, Bev over his shoulder -skimming the very same chat.

stan.the.man: I leave you alone for a few hours and you're already doing this shit

They both laughed for a moment, before Richie decided to comment.

"I don't know what you expect from me, Staniel," he retorted, "-If you expected anything else, you simply do not know me."

stan.the.man: it is 11 AM !!!

"Yeah, okay, well," Richie replied, teasing mostly, "-some people want to know what Disney princes would give 'em a good time, and you know what? I don't blame them."

eddie.kaspbrak: you act like this was requested which it decidedly was fucking not

stan.the.man: @/eddie.kaspbrak I like you

He frowned, adjusting his glasses on his face, "Chat, are you not interested to know my rankings? How good me, and Bevvy, think Disney princes would fuck?"

betty.bugs: of course

tozier-trashy: this is exactly the content I expect of you so yes

gen_gennie: absolutely

hog-inthebog: I'm just here to say you're wrong

minecrafter.on.main: yes

cartoon-cursed: obviously

bevs-boa: 🚨🚨 REDDY.BEVVY MENTIONED 🚨🚨

capngown: obvi

genuine._.disappointment: your name is trashmouth this is so on brand

dizknees: if flynn isn't in S you've lost a sub

catastrophically_me: @/disknees its eugene

tag.ur.self: why would I be watching the stream if I didn't

lightnin-queenie: will you rank the cars characters or no

babey-baby-oh: is this including pixar

"The chat has spoken," Richie echoed out with a melodic sort of deep tone, before switching fluently, "-and they want to know so fuck you two."

They ended up deciding on: god-level, nasty (good), mid, better be hot, disgusting (bad). He thinks it works pretty well for their purposes, at least.

And, so, they started.

"Aren't the first few of these shitty?" Richie commented, "-Like with no personality?"

"Except for saving the princess," Bev agreed, tapping along the desk, "-Prince Florian? Who's that?"

Richie's eyes darted to chat.

dizknees: snow white I'm pretty sure

"Oh," he chimed, frowning, "-boring. Is he hot?"

A quick Google search provided him with the prince. Beverly and Richie peered over him, critically; eyes set in total seriousness.

They both looked at each other.

He wordlessly added him to 'better be hot', and Beverly succinctly nodded.

"Tiny waist," he spoke, "-I don't think he has anything else otherwise."

"Yeah," she agreed, "-I doubt he'd even care about you. Just himself."

"Some people like that shit, though," Richie commented.

Beverly paused, turning to him, "Do you?"

He thought about the fact that it was all he kinda knew, that he's not sure anyone actually loved him. And then, he said-

"No."

They moved on pretty quickly after that, but not without Bev looking over him -cautiously. Richie ignored it.

"Prince Charming," he read out, before clarifying, "-Cinderella's prince. I remember this fucker."

"Face blind," Beverly mindlessly added, "-but he's pretty cute. Super committing, on that note, wanted to marry the girl he danced with once."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Uh," she hummed, tossing a pretzel in her mouth, "-maybe both."

tozier.trashy: rate him higher he has personality

tag.ur.self: you should see him in the sequels

bevs.boa: he's a himbo

girlie-pops: can confirm himbo in the sequels

"He's a himbo?" Richie questioned, before stressing further, "-There's fucking sequels to Cinderella?"

eddie.kaspbrak donated $10: it's disney fuckwad they're bloodthirsty

"Fair point," he relented, dismissively, "-capitalist pigs, yada, yada, so on and so forth-"

Beverly suddenly spoke up, in recognition, "Oh, yeah! I remember one of them was good. Something about like a different timeline? And he was definitely a himbo in that one. Jumped out a window I think."

"Is that himbo or dumbass behavior?" He asked.

catastrophically.me: you don't understand

dizknees: no it's himbo

eddie.kaspbrak: the whole thing of being a himbo is being dumb stupid fuck

"Stupid fuck, wow," Richie laughed, "-You running out of words, Eds?"

eddie.kaspbrak: fuck you

"Maybe later," he winked dramatically into the camera, before hovering over the list, "-Anyway, Bevvy, how are we feeling?"

She pursed her lips, "I'm not sure, he'd probably be loving. Soft and shit."

"I don't know if I'd want him to be soft-"

Beep, beep!

stan.the.man donated $1: don't even

"Like his dick," Richie continued, ignoring the donation and talking to chat, "-do you get it guys? Guys, like his dick-"

tozier.trashy: richie we love you but that one just no

trashmouth-for-me: yeah that was terrible

only-here-for-trashmouth: almost unsubbed

dizknees: 😂🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣😆😆🤣😂😆

stan.the.man: wow he's a comedian

plz_stop: you should do a villain run on stardew

benny.boy: I'm so sorry but that was bad

eddie.kaspbrak: you're not supposed to explain jokes trashmouth

Richie smiled, holding up his hands like he was being humble after finishing a set, "Please, please, hold the applause-"

Beverly laughed a little, motioning to herself, "Richie, Richie, come back to me."

"Oh, yeah, we're doing shit, right."

Taking a breath, Richie put him on mid and then looked at Bev. She squinted for a moment.

"No, I agree," she pulled her drink to her lips (water, he thinks), "-he probably doesn't know where the clitoris is."

"Hot take," Richie mindlessly commented, before moving to the next one, "-but I agree 100%. I'm gay, and I could find the clitoris. I did find the clitoris-"

"Too much information, honey," Bev chimed, moving a hand to cover his mouth, "-let's move on."

Prince Phillip was hot, and they ultimately labeled him good nasty. Which was controversial in chat, but it was not Richie's first rodeo.

"Oh shit, we're getting real," his eyes skimmed over the next on the list, Eric, "-Bevvy, S just might see the fucking light of day."

Both of them looking at the picture they pulled up, they carefully eyed him. Beverly's eyes flicked to Richie's and back to Prince Eric.

"You could do a good cosplay of him."

He posed like him in the photo, carefully, and Beverly laughed a little, kissing her fingers like she was eating some really good food, "Perfect."

It came out before he could stop it, "Am I handsome enough for it, though?"

Bev immediately frowned before opening her mouth, most certainly ready to say something-

Beep, beep!

eddie.kaspbrak donated $10: of course you are fuckface

Richie's lips fell into a straight line, and he felt something flutter a little in his chest. Shit, when did that happen?

He was mean to me, it was only a matter of time really-

Beverly grinned a little, eyes scampering along his face -somewhat knowingly, "What he said."

On instinct, he deflected -ignoring the way his heart beat in his chest, "You could do Ariel, Red."

tell.me.why: WAIT

bevs.boa: reddy.bevvy and trashmouth.tozier cosplay collab when

trashy.tozier: anyone else see him blush

plz_stop: that reaction was so gay

dizknees: YOU GUYS COULD GO TO A CONVENTION

minecrafter.on.main: BEV PLEASE

gay.shit.guy: 🏳️‍🌈 GAY SHIT MENTIONED 🏳️‍🌈

cartoon-cursed: bev would slay as ariel wait

dizknees: do it do it do it

trashmouth-for-me: can't believe I just watched trashmouth go speechless

catastrophically.me: please guys 🙏

betty.bugs: you could stream from the convention

genuine._.disappointment: if you don't do it, I'm unsubbing

Beverly laughed, which made Richie laugh too. The embarrassment sliding off his skin, he felt more in himself. He could always think about that later. Way later. Maybe tonight, when he couldn't sleep.

Not that it needed to be said, but Eric was put on S-tier.

Carrying on in the stream, he relaxed. It would probably be easy from here on out anyway.

"The Beast?"

He stands corrected.

"Bev, Bevvy, I'm not a furry," he turned to his monitor, "-Chat, I am not a furry, but-"

"You know he has a human form," she laughed, "-right?"

"A shitty one," he retorted -completely serious, "-he doesn't even have a beard and he's not... big like he fucking should be."

"Okay, okay," she raised her hands in surrender, "-I can see this is something you're very passionate about. You can run this one."

"Hear me out," he repeated, defensively, before hovering over god-level. Bev raised her eyebrows in response, stopping the chip on the way to her mouth.

"Wait, wait, wait, listen-" she hummed in acknowledgement, "-he's very caring, and has a little bit of an angry side. Which, in the right circumstances, is very fun-"

"Richie," she chastised with a laugh.

"What, it's fucking true," he offered, "-We're adults here, we can acknowledge the kink community."

"Is that a kink?"

"Technically," Richie leveled, a little uncertainly, "-anything you like sensually is a kink, I think."

Bev shrugged, putting the Beast in god-level and popping a chip into her mouth, "You've convinced me."

They moved on.

"Aladdin," Richie through his head back, "-Oh my god. Bev, do we even need to question this?"

She shook her head, sipping her drink before responding, "You could do a good cosplay of him too. Personality-wise."

He placed a hand on his heart, "Aw, Bevvy. That's the nicest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I just called you handsome."

"Personality over physical looks every day, baby," he chimed back with a shit-eating grin. She promptly shoved him.

"Alright, next up," Richie recovered from the shove, skimming over the next square, "-John Smith? Who the fuck is that?"

dizknees: pocahontas

"The colonizer?" He retorted with a laugh of disbelief.

Bev frowned beside him, shriveling up her nose, "Ew."

With the flick of his wrist, he put him in the disgusting (bad) tier. Unhesitatingly.

Beverly spoke this time, reading, "Captain Li Shang."

"Ooh," Richie spoke, "-Mulan, yeah? He's definitely hot."

"Oh, definitely," she reiterated -agreeing.

"Captain too?" He raised his eyebrows, eyes shooting to Bev's, "-A man of power, Bevvy."

"Who says I don't wanna be the power?"

"Oh my," Richie fluttered his eyelashes for a second, "-Bevvy, Bevvy. Chat, let's clip that."

"You fucker," she hissed, and promptly pushed him out of his chair.

Richie fell into a laughing fit, loud and brash against the floor. He even thinks he snorted out loud, big breaths forcing out of his lungs. Bev looked down at him, blue eyes sparkling.

"You alright down there, Trashmouth?"

"Bev gets off on a good one," he chimed back through laugh, "-Chat, let's applaud."

He pulled himself back up into his chair, wiping at his eyes -still laughing a little. Moreso, embarrassingly, giggling.

trashy.tozier: he's ALIVE

girlie-pops: 👏👏👏

babey_boy: our prayers were answered

hello-everybody: 👏👏👏

tell.me.why: 👏👏👏

bevs.boa: still reeling over bev being a top

trashmouth.for.me: RICHIE THANK GOD

big.bill: what did I miss

tell.me.why: 👏👏👏

dizknees: trashmouth.tozier dead, more at 3

burly-bear: just joined why did we think he was dead

elliot-turbine: 👏👏👏

trashy.tozier: @/burly-bear bev pushed him off the chair

minecrafter.on.main: 👏👏👏

Richie kept giggling.

"Alright, woo," he took a deep breath in, shaking his head and blinking, "-Bev, Li Shang, what's our ruling?"

"I think good nasty," she said, casually -choking back her own laughter.

He laughed a little at her laughter, with ease putting him in the tier, "Good nasty it is!"

And then, his eyes went to the next on the list.

"Oh, fucking easy," Richie tsked, placing both Naveen and Flynn (Eugene, really) in god-like.

Bev nodded dramatically, mouth full of snacks, and clapped her hands in achievement.

"Flynn Rider, he could r-"

stan.the.man donated $1: just stop there for the love of god

Richie saluted, speaking in a deep voice -mimicking a soldier, "Sir, yes, sir."

"There's one more," Bev pointed out, hand over her mouth, "-um, Kristoff."

"Oh," he squinted, "-that's the one from Frozen, right?"

dizknees: yeah he's a consent king

Richie furrowed his eyebrows, "Consent king?"

dizknees: he asked anna before kissing her

tag.ur.self: asked before he kissed

babey_boy: him and anna are so special to me

tell.me.why: flynn supremacy

trashy.tozier: it was a cute lil moment at the end of frozen

betty.bugs: "i like you better in leather anyway"

dizknees: @/betty.bugs SJSJZHSJJANAHG

plz_stop: he did have the weird thing with Sven tho

babey_boy: @/plz_stop Sven was like a dog to him that's not weird

girlie-pops: where are my jack frost/elsa girlies at

dizknees: @/girlie-pops NOOOOOO

"Shouldn't they all ask for consent?" Richie questioned, "-Why does Kristy get fucking... brownie points?"

"Disney hasn't done it before," Beverly clarified, "-It's like a big deal."

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah," Bev popped another chip in her mouth, "-world's fucked."

"Well, shit," he huffed out, dragging Kristoff around the chart, "-I dunno, I don't think he'd be good in the sack. Wasn't he like raised by wolves or something?"

"Rocks," she clarified, completely serious, "-magical rock people."

Richie took a breath, digesting that information, "Oh-kay. Well, all that being said, I think he's mid."

"Yeah," she agreed, "-He's like very loving but that doesn't necessarily mean that he fucks good."

"Exactly," he cemented, before clapping his hands, "-Well, Chat, we have our final rankings of the Disney princes and how good they'd fuck."

"How good we think they'd fuck," Bev clarified.

"Well, obviously," Richie laughed, "-You want me to teleport into Disney worlds and fuck these men?"

"You would," she teased.

And he very wholeheartedly agreed, "I would."

#reddie #watchoutwriting #reddie fanfiction #reddie fic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it chapter 2 #it chapter one #reddie fluff #the losers club #streamer au #achievement unlocked 🔓

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

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Theory of Love Rewatch Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

I have been specifically asked about continuing, so thank @twig-tea, @lurkingshan, and @waitmyturtles for bugging me to continue.

Last time, Two found out that Third has a crush on Khai and decided to be a bro about it and help. His brilliant plan is to have Third lie about having no money so he can move in with Khai. Cohabitation was a mixed bag. Third still can't declare himself to Khai, and Khai was a total dick about kicking Third out of the apartment for the whole night at one point. Khai came through for Third sorta with the next girl by not kicking him out and then later telling Prigkhing's character to fuck off. He also had Third's mug prepared. Mike's character's romance also began with some cute flirting over movies. I also want to note that these boys are filthy, and a single Ikea date won't make me forget.

A lot of energy went into this couch scene deciding what to do with their booth. I suspect it was meant to reground us in the masculine friendship.

Ep.04 Crazy, Stupid, Love

I forgot how unsubtle the sausage thing was. Men definitely came up with that sales pitch.

I just want you to know that Off is singing.

Third just has no interest in being flirty or kind to girls.

The play flirting that Khai does with Third is so agonizing sometimes.

The Shape of Water (2017) is a great film. Good choice, Paan.

I like putting Gun in a suit on a box so he can be tall.

Fellas, is it gay to feed your best friend on the break, eat and drink after him, and then demand he follow the rule and kiss you on the cheek? Asking for Khai. He is flirting and I don't think he realizes it.

Oh, right. The dark skin comment about Un. 😐

Guys like Khai are why I used to say, "Don't flirt with me unless you mean it."

Third is as bad as one of my movie buddies. He cries at every film.

Third, please get a fucking grip. He matched your answer because you are a sap with easy to read film taste and he wanted a prize.

Strangely, I'm feeling more sympathetic to Bone than I remember being last time.

Not only did Un and Two leave MacBooks just sitting around, they also left it unlocked. Irresponsible.

The hair continuity for Gun is off in this show.

Fellas, is it gay to cuddle up with your friend in a private screening because you're cold?

There's no way Khai doesn't know how romantic this would read to Third. He's kind of a dumbass, but come on, bro.

Okay, so I had memory holed that Khai was testing Third with Bone. I am deeply upset.

Y'all, I am so, so pissed right now. I had completely forgotten that Khai was just playing with Third's feelings to see if Bone was right. This is the exact kind of cruel shit I suffered. We just saw this happen to Zo in Hidden Agenda. I am so not okay.

See, and this is where we get into the primary problem with players. It's fine to have casual sex with people who know what the game is, but it's the playing with people's feelings just to prove you can that bothers me. I had clearly repressed this plot information because this is the exact kind of shit that happened to me and I'm still salty about it 14 years later. It was cruel then and it still hurts now.

I couldn't exactly remember why I didn't like Khai. I wondered if I had also gotten caught up in sex shaming him like Turtles believes Khai haters do. No, it was this shit. Third is his fucking best friend and he couldn't just say it. It's so fucking mean.

#theory of love #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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girlindelusionn · 2 years ago

Text

i want them all, robin x you (part 2!)

"My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you"

part 1! part 3!

Your hands make their way to Robin’s door before you can even think if it's a good idea. There were only forty minutes till midnight and on a regular night it wouldn't be a problem. You were both night owls, so she would be definitely awake, reading, practicing for band as softly as humanly possible or just daydreaming in general and you would climb to her window like in those really bad cliché movies and you two would spend the insomnia together.

But today it was Christmas eve.

You had to admit, even after the rough start, this awful town wasn't really that bad. A lot had happened in a year, the furniture had come and you’ve made your new room feel almost as good as your old one. You had adopted a cat, Jo, who had lived in your closet. You thought the irony on that was hilarious, for about three weeks till your parents found out and grounded you for a month. You still got to keep her, though. And, honestly, school wasn't that bad. At least not with Robin at your side.

Oh, right! Robin! This past year you had also realized you had feelings –gay feelings– for your best friend. Which was terrifying, excruciating, and every other negative adjective you could ever think of and put you on the worst dilema to ever exist: on the one hand, this stupid crush could not keep growing and developing into more than it already was, so the reasonable option would be to not spend every second of every day with her, like you two were attached to the hip. But, on the other hand, this friendship was the most valuable thing in your life.

You couldn't have her the way you wanted to and you couldn't lose her, so you did what you do best; Repressed the shit out of everything, even getting a boyfriend in the process.

It wasn’t hard. Boys had so much lust on their brains that there was barely any room for them to notice you were not a single bit attracted to them. You said yes to the first one who asked you to prom, his name was Ben, and during the night you bailed on him, saying you had lady problems, to spend the night in the library with Robin. She asked why even go with him in the first place, but you didn't answer. You shrugged and luckily to her it was enough. It wasn't convenient for either of you to start asking questions. Cause if you did then you would've asked why she didn't say yes to Calvin when he asked her to prom, which would have led her to finally admiting she had a thing for fucking Steve "The Hair" Harrington and you just werent in the mood to deal with that.

Luckily the door opens right on time to save you from the spiral you were about to go into, showing a very confused, kinda concerned Mrs Buckley.

"Y/N! C'mon in, it's freezing, sweetie!" She guides you to the kitchen, like she has done multiple times this past year. The decorations make you feel even worse about crashing their dinner, but you're glad to find a picture of little Robin in the hallway, half her face buried in a green scarf, hugging a snowman with the biggest smile you've ever seen.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner like this." you apologize. She makes a 'don't worry' gesture with her hand as she starts to make you a cup of tea.

"It was just us three this year." she says, in hope you feel a little better. "Is everything okay? Robin left with her dad but they should be back any second."

You nod from across the kitchen table and you know she knows you're lying. Your face is red and you're pretty sure you have mascara tears all over you.

"It's just…" you start to talk and immediately regret it, but it's too late now "Um, romantic stuff?"

Mrs Buckley's face lights up. Robin is not very interested in telling her things about her personal life, so she's excited. But she's also kind and warm and doesn't pressure you in any kind of way.

"Bad break up?" she guesses, and you thank the opportunity to take the easy exit.

"Yeah…"

She looks at you with a sad smile, offering you her hand to hold. You accept it and she squeezes your embrace as she says:

"Everything has a reason, Y/N. Everything that is meant to be will happen, and everyone that's meant to be will come back eventually. It's just hard to see the big picture sometimes."

Surprisingly, her words are a lot more accurate to your actual real situation than you expect them to be. It catches you with your guard down, so a single tear manages to escape your watery eyes. Mrs Buckley smiles again and is at this moment when the rest of the family arrives home.

"MOM THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE BLUE CHEESE AND I DIDNT WANNA ASK KYLE CAUSE I'M LIKE NINETY PERCENT SURE HE'S GONNA MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP, A–" yells Robin as she makes her way to the kitchen, a lot of little bags fill her hands. She shuts up when she sees you in her kitchen "Dude, I already know my mom liked you better but this? I–" you turn around to face her and she stops talking when she realizes your state. "Y/N, are you okay?" she adds in a soft, concerned voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'll tell you later. "

You excuse yourself from her parents, Mr Buckley also shoots you a worried look, you assure him that everything is fine –her parents are so sweet, it was almost overwhelming– and you go up to Robin's room.

"It was the idiot of Ben, right?" she asks as soon as you guys are alone. But this time you're not so sure about taking the exit.

Mrs Buckley words were still echoing in your head, if Robin was a person worth it to have in your life then she would be okay with it. Confessing your feelings was clearly off the table, but maybe you could at least come out to her?

You still aren't sure, so you say: "Kinda…"

She shoots you a confused look "Kinda?" and seeing you wouldnt keep talking she adds "What the fuck did he do? Do I have to to break his nose?"

You chuckle a bit from the mental image of that situation. You pictured a very angry, 5'7 Robin yelling to the face of the captain of the basketball team, cursing him in all four languages. And that's exactly what makes you decide to come out to her. You knew with your soul that, if needed to, she would kick his ass, quite literally. Someone who loved you that much would understand.

Right?

"We broke up" you finally confess, going through the room and sitting on your personal spot below the window. Thats where she kept the box with all her mixtapes, so to avoid her stare you start to organize them.

"Really?" She says after a while of silence. Idioms on the right, 60s and 70s on the middle… "Today?"

"Yep" Maybe you could also put them in alphabetical order? But for the artist or for the name of the album? "Over the phone."

"No way!" she says, offended. "Over the fucking phone? He’s an asshole!"

You sight once more and almost decide to give up, coming out wasn't really that necessary, right? But then you find the mixtape you made her for her birthday, two months ago. "Robin and Y/N survive High School '' was the title you'd given it, and you'd even painted a cover with a drawing of one of your favorite pictures together. You really meant everything to each other. There was only twenty minutes left till midnight and she wasn't celebrating, she was here, genuinely concerned about you. So you decide to keep talking, still not sure if it’s a good idea.

"He's not, I am…" you say and she's ready to argue when you explain "I broke up with him. Over the phone. On Christmas Eve. I'm the asshole."

"You broke up with him?" The words are shocking enough to make her stop pacing the room nervously and sit down beside you. "Why?"

All the tapes were perfectly organized now, so there was no way to avoid her eyes anymore. "Cause I didn't like him."

"Why? Did he say something?"

"No! I mean, I don't think I've ever liked him" She just stares at you with confusion in her eyes and all you want is for this moment to be over. "It's not about him! I just don't… like them."

"Who?"

Your heart races, your palms start to sweat and all of your instincts are telling you to run as fast as you can. But you continue:

"Boys…"

And just like that is over. The secret, the one thing you've been keeping as close to your soul as you possibly could, is finally free. You're surprised that you managed to say it out loud and while keeping eye contact. You see her eyebrows go up as her eyes slightly open.

"Really?" She has a weird expression, she isn't mad or disgusted, which is great, but there is something else you can't put your finger on.

"Yeah." you say, and brace yourself for the worst when you see her look away. Maybe she was disgusted.

Maybe it was a mistake, your relationship was fine and now she's gonna be all awkward and weird and it was the stupidest thing ever! What the hell were you even thinking?! You're not in a big city, this is the middle of Hawkins! What kind of reaction were you even expecting?

You take a breath when you notice she wants to say something, not optimistic at the fact that she's still not looking at you. Her gaze is stuck on her shoes, those red converse she had let you fill with dumb doodles. There was one in particular she liked the best, and it always caused fights because, objectically, it was the worst drawn one. It was a little crappy plane, made with black marker, with two little stick figures on top of it, holding hands. And below there you had written "operation croissant, phase one:"

You had talked about running away, it was definitely your biggest desire –especially now, when you've possibly lost the only good thing in this town–, but money was tight and there was no way to do it before finishing highschool. And you still had a year and a half of that bullshit. Also now you'll have to split the money you guys had saved and plan different trips and the idea of running didn't sound half as appealing on your own. An–

"I don't like them either…." she whispers so low you aren't even sure she talked in the first place.

"What?" you also whisper, but loud enough.

"I don't like boys either "

And before you have any time to even start to process that bomb of information you hear a knock on the door.

"I brought juice for the toast!" you hear her mother say. Robin quickly wipes away her own tears and opens the door. "I didn't know if you guys would want t–"

"Thank you, mom. Bye!" She cuts her off. Mrs Buckley frowns but understands and goes away, not before asking you one more time if you're okay.

"I'm fine, Mrs Buckley, I swear."

"Oh cmon, Y/N, you know you can call me Melissa…"

"Goodbye, mom!" pushes Robin.

"I'm going, i'm going!"

But even though she has clearly interrupted possibly the biggest moment of your friendship, you were glad she did. Cause now when Robin closes the door behind her back the first thing you guys do is laugh at the absurdity of the moment.

It’s one of those laughs that cannot be stopped. Sooner than later you're laying down in the middle of her room, gasping for air in between shrieks of laughter. After a minute that feels a lot longer, silence invades you once again.

She was fucking gay too.

Who would have thought?

And even though, in theory, this would be a pretty good win for you, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Even though you knew for sure you weren't alone in this anymore. That single fact leads to another dilemma:

Being irretrievably in love with her, did it hurt less when you knew there wasn't any chance of her returning those feelings? When there was an actual, biological, explanation? Were things better now, when you could hang on to this little piece of hope? Or did it just make it worse? Knowing her lack of affection had everything to do with you and not with something you can't change or choose.

"Should we talk?" she asks, scared of breaking the peace in the room.

"It's 11:58, Rob." you point out as you sit down next to her in bed. Her worried face lights up when she hears the nickname, which does not help you at all with this not being stupidly in love with her thing "Let's toast first, we actually have something to celebrate this year, don't we?"

She nods and you two cheer with the juice her mom brought, not without adding a bit of the secret vodka below Robin's bed.

Forty peaceful minutes –and probably like three or four more glasses of the mix you had just created– after you find yourselves on the roof. You know drunk people and heights are usually combinations people with common sense seem to avoid, but you both were tired of living like that. Ruled by things you didn't believe in. And tonight had definitely meant freedom, even if the biggest part of the secret was still a secret. So you celebrated this way. Being drunk and stupid, just for the night.

But there was one factor you hadn't considered. If resisting her sober was living hell, the alcohol in your blood made it borderline impossible.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asks. And you're almost too distracted watching her watch the sky to even respond. You liked to pretend it was only the moon that made her shine that way.

"Sure." and you know it's a mistake as soon as it leaves your lips.

"Why did you even date him?"

"My parents were getting suspicious." you lie. Cause again, saying 'cause I'm so deeply in love with you that I desperately needed anything and anyone to get you out of my head' seemes a liiitle too much. "Saying that I should 'lower my standards’ or whatever. They were also thinking about introducing me to someone themselves…"

"I don't think my parents know…"

"I don't think they'll be mad or anything" You say. She doesn't look as convinced.

"There's a big difference between not being mad and being actually supportive, right?"

"Yeah" You agree "Honestly, I don't think i'll ever tell my dad" Robin nods, she understands. She actually does. It still feels insane.

"Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, dummy"

"How did you find out?"

"A girl at the beach. I must've been eight or nine. We spent the whole summer together and the last night before I left she kissed me on our secret tree." You smile at the memories. At least that one was a cute story.

"Oh, that's so sweet!" She whines.

"Yeah. Never saw her again, though. Now I can't even remember her name…"

"But, wait, have you known since then??" She realizes after a second of silence, only filled by the sound of the wind.

"Yep, pretty much." She mutters 'wow' under her breath "Why? When did you find out?"

"Last year."

"Last year?"

Robin nods and you frown. "Tammy Thompson."

"Right! Of course Tammy Thompson!" You laugh and suddenly her face is all red and she's throwing little pieces of candy wrappers at you. "Half of sophomore year talking about how good she sings and how she was 'born to be in the spotlight'!"

"Shut up!"

"–And that's why you were so obsessed with Steve Harrington! Cause Tammy liked him! Everything makes sense now!"

"I was not obsessed with The Hair Harrington!"

"Yeah, you were" silence invades you once again and your focus shifts from the view to her face.

Her perfect little nose, filled with millions of freckles that, at least for you, were a hundred times more interesting than the constellations she was always telling you about.

"Well I'm not anymore…"

Her lips are a little cracked and slightly blue because of the wind, but you imagined they tasted like magic, hope and the chocolates and cherry juice you just had.

"I know."

Her hair runs free, like it always does, she hated it but you thought it captured her spirit perfectly. She would roll her eyes, not noticing the complement between the lines.

"Good…" She whispers. More to herself than to you.

She zones out for a minute, admiring Hawkins from the heights. There’s, obviously, no one in sight and it’s quiet. It must be really late.

"At least now we have an actual reason to run away from here" She says.

"You don't think Hawkins is ever going to be a place where we could live in peace?"

"No" She responds without missing a beat. You know she's right. "Do you think that place exists?"

"Yes." You don't miss a beat either. Yeah, you two were pretty fucked, but now that you had eachother it was clear that it wasnt the end of the world "We could go to San Francisco? Maybe New York?"

"There we could be free?"

"There we'd at least have a chance to fight for it."

You hear the wind louder and louder and you notice she's freezing. When you both decided to climb the window you had anticipated this exact situation and grabbed a blanket that now laid on your shoulders. You try to hand it over to her but she refuses –"I swear I'm not cold!" she clearly lies in between shivers– so you make her a bit of room and convince her to sit right next to you and share it.

Again, your slightly intoxicated brain didn't think it through, cause now you are very close. You could hear her heartbeat, smell her shampoo and feel her legs against yours kind of close.

"Y/N?"

"Yes, Robin?"

"How did you know I was looking at Steve Harrington?"

You freeze. What are you even supposed to do right now?

Keep lying?

You had tasted the truth for the first time today and it had been wonderful. Maybe it’s pushing your luck, but she smells so good and her eyes shine so bright and she’s so close and you just really want her to stop asking questions so…

You kiss her.

And for two eternal seconds you feel the same sensation you have when you jump to the water from a trampoline. That second in the air when you don't really know if the water is really gonna catch you. That second of doubt, of not knowing if you're flying or falling.

Until she kisses back.

After a couple minutes you break apart slightly. Foreheads still touching and breaths still impossible to tell apart.

“With all of this I forgot your gift at home” is the first thing you say. Robin chuckles without opening her eyes just yet.

“I can think of a way for you to make it up to me…” she jokes.

“Mhm?” You play dumb. “Alright, then I’ll keep the Italian version of ‘If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler’ for myself then”

Robin’s eyes open to the point you're concerned about her corneas.

“I think I want to reconsider my options, please.” You laugh and kiss her once again.

“Too late.”

#wlw #stranger things #robin buckley #robin buckley x you #dating robin buckley #robin buckley x female reader #lgbt

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sneezemonster15 · 4 years ago

Text

I am new to Naruto fandom. Even newer to SNS fandom. I observed the shipping wars, and frankly, participated in it a couple of times. Just to see what it's all about. And I have come to one conclusion.

It's bonkers how far one will go to convince oneself about one's shipping whether it makes sense or not. At the end of the day, it becomes not really about the content itself, but one's comprehension and understanding of content. Which helps me understand why SS, NH, or NS stans exist. Their projection (which it certainly is) almost seems delusional and definitely inconsistent with the content itself.

When I first started watching Naruto, I wasn't aware of Naruto fandom. I am a cinephile and I am used to analysing content involuntarily while I am watching it. I wasn't expecting much from Naruto, I definitely underestimated it and wasn't expecting any emotional impact given it was shonen and I am very hard to please (yes, I am a film elitist). But as I kept watching it, I had to grudgingly change my opinion. By the time I reached Shippuden, I could tell that I was almost fevered with excitement and looking forward to more emotional impact.

I didn't watch it with any romantic lens, I was mostly interested in the fighting sequences initially. Hell, that's all I was expecting from a shonen show about ninjas. But at the end of vote 1, I was like, hmmm. What?? This was so emotionally wracking. Are they really just rivals, or friends? Now, I am a fully fledged cinephile and have watched a lot (a. Lot.) of LGBTQ films, given my interest in shows about emotional and sexual repression. And throughout my first watch of the first part, I kept picking up on the subtle sns moments without actively thinking about them. I was really into the story and wanted to see what will happen next. But at the end of vote 1, I had to stop and think, wait what, are they in love with each other? They are definitely not just friends. Or rivals. The language of their interaction in vote 1 is so fraught with underlying currents of repressed emotions that it just made the cinephile in me ask, what am I watching exactly? Like isn't it shonen (I am also relatively new to anime/manga) where gay relationships are a strict nono? Like why does it have all the tropes of repressed homosexuality in men, just like all the films I had seen. The way Naruto and Sasuke constantly gravitate to each other, their interactions at times feel like a borderline attempt at just staying close to each other, their violent, strong feelings and devotion for each other (land of waves arc) and then denial of those feelings (after the land of waves arc), their contant physical fights for no apparent reason, Sasuke goading Naruto for no apparent reason especially when Sasuke is not the type to talk without reason which had been made abundantly clear. Sometimes, it literally felt like he was flirting with Naruto (during the chuunin exams) while rejecting Sakura. Sasuke constantly appears to be caring and attentive towards Naruto while treating Sakura like trash. This was even acknowledged by Naruto who asks Sasuke to be nicer to Sakura. But Sasuke doesn't even think about it. He instead flirts (?) with Naruto. It made me think, why did the writer choose to do that? Why make it clear that in hierarchy, Sasuke keeps Naruto much higher than Sakura, so early in the show (when there hasn't been so much development either, we were mostly shown how they keep fighting and arguing with each other)? If they are supposed to just be comrades or friends, why pinpoint this? Why use this trope at all if it's about friendship, especially in a show that can't include a gay relationship.

And this kept happening consistently. The writer made the interaction between Sasuke and Naruto to be major turning points in the plot. Vote 1 fight made it clear to me that there was something more going on, but I didn't want to be presumptuous, so I kept it on the side and kept watching.

After watching Shippuden, I was convinced that none of it, was accidental. The writer painstakingly wrote a gay love story and was even obvious about it in a very clever way. Like he fucking got away with writing a gay love story in shonen. I know Naruto is basically a kids' show meant for entertainment purposes, but it touched so many important, dark and adult themes. I knew that it would be difficult for the writer to actually give a proper conclusion to these themes because they really aren't that black and white or even appropriate for children. So I wasn't surprised that he couldn't actually show peace being achieved after the war arc or slavery abolished in Hyuuga clan.

But one thing I was sure of. He wanted to show a gay love story, maybe out of a twisted sense of humor, I don't know. But that's what he did. He could not have made it clearer. He flagrantly used all the related tropes, visuals, sound, dialogues, hell the story. The fucking story...

He was so shrewd about it too. He made it so that people can take away whatever they wanted to take away from it as long as there was some plausible deniability about things that weren't made clear in the show itself. That fucking minx! But he knew that anyone who watches shit carefully, will be able to see what he actually did. He knew that at least some of us will be able to connect the dots. He went out of his way to make sure we connect the dots. There is no other way to explain why Sasuke repeatedly kept asking Naruto why he cared for him so much. There's no other way to explain why he concluded everything with the dialogue where Naruto explains that he hurts when Sasuke does. There's no other way to explain why that affected Sasuke to such an extent. Kishimoto went out of his way, like seriously, to tell the audience that they are Not just 'friends'. He basically used this friend thing with so much saturation and intent in such a twisted way that he made it into something else entirely. In that sense, the concept of 'friend' changed its meaning. Like you can try, but you can't change my mind about it.

Whether I approve it or not, but my takeaway from content depends mostly on the content itself. I do believe that more often than not, the simplest explanation is the right one. And this applies to the phenomenon of Naruto as well. Of course, as a viewer, I can't ignore that my suspension of belief relies on my own understanding of the external world and how I perceive visual language. But that is something that happens anyway, in tandem with consuming the content, while I was pretty much consistently objective about it.

I believe I have a pretty good understanding of how cinematic language works, and I know every creative or narrative choice has a reason and meaning behind it. Absolutely None of it is random. Cinematic language may not be universal in terms of styles, but all the styles definitely have a common ground. And any creator worth his salt knows it, he knows how his content will be perceived and what it is exactly that he wants to show or say. Do not delude yourself that it was accidental or on a whim.

I know for a fact that Kishomoto wanted to show a gay love story. I know for a fact that he wanted to show that Sasuke has feelings for Naruto and he knows it. He also wanted to show that Sasuke not only had feelings for Naruto but also knew that he couldn't show them openly. He wanted to show that Naruto has feelings for Sasuke as well but is confused and naive, like he is about so many other things. He wanted to show us that Sasuke is not into Sakura, that he doesn't even respect her. Any enthusiast of visual/cinematic language and narrative can tell all the above things without going into headcanon or deluded explanations (like SS, NH stans), with just on the basis of content they consumed.

At the end of the day, I don't ship SNS because it's in my head. I was forced to see and believe SNS by the creator. Not forced literally but forced to notice and acknowledge the emphasis and meaning of the twisted/manipulative ways of the creator.

Kishimoto, hats off to you, you sly bastard. You succeeded in trolling people endlessly, you had a lot of fun pitting people against each other, didn't you? Hahahahaha. Well, I call your bluff/or non bluff in this case since you obviously knew what you were doing.

#narutomanga #narusasu #naruto #sasuke #sasunaru #sns #shippuden #shippudennaruto #naruto shippuden #sasunarusasu

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likeshipsonthesea · 4 years ago

Note

I don’t know if you take requests for nurseydex fics... but if you do the song “omg did she call him baby” by Beth McCarthy screams a heartbroken Nursey when Dex has a girlfriend

i like really can’t do genuine heartbreak but i CAN do angst that ends happy, so here’s my best shot :)

Nursey’s got a red Solo cup in one hand and a plastic champagne flute in the other and it’s sometime after three but before five and he is definitely not thinking about her or him or them together when he looks up between one sip and another to see the telltale blue hair reflecting the murky spotlights of the basement.

Nursey squints. He could be making things up--his brain is nice like that-- but he doesn’t think he’s imagining things. She’s got very distinctive hair, Dex’s--girlfriend. It’d been rather disappointing, actually, the blue hair. The whole thing had been easier to deal with when he’d been picturing some light-haired brunette going for an economics degree who smiled like a mom at soccer practice. Someone who Nursey could reasonably dislike on grounds of, like, predictability.

But no, Dex had to bring home a blue-haired physics major with a nose ring and good taste in music and the ability to out-argue Shitty while polishing off Bitty’s pie, i.e. perfect. Even Lardo couldn’t pretend like she wasn’t awesome for Nursey’s sake. Even Nursey can’t pretend like Amanda isn’t awesome for his own sake. She’s just so--so--

Nursey squints.

So-- making out with some random girl in a blouse at a frat party.

What the fuck.

Nursey is about two margaritas and three years too deep to be dealing with the emotional ramifications of catching the girlfriend of his best friend (who he’s also kind of sort of possibly maybe totally in love with) macking on some consultant for Goldman Sachs or some shit in the basement of arguably one of the worst frats at Samwell. This one doesn’t even have good music, Nursey’s only here to get drunk without the possibility of Dex calling Nursey Patrol and helping Nursey up the stairs and saying nothing about the poetry Nursey spills or the way his hands linger.

(Fuck does Nursey hate Nursey Patrol, fuck does he hate how much he loves it.)

Nursey downs the rest of the champagne flute--which was probably mostly orange juice at this point anyway-- and hands the red Solo cup to a freshman gearing himself up to talk to a cute boy a few feet away and then Nursey gets the fuck out of dodge. He manages to get a better look at the corporate recruiter Amanda is cheating on Dex with (and really, if you’re going to cheat on Dex, you’re really going to pick a chick in a blouse that probably has opinions on the stock market???) and if he hadn’t been sure before, the distinctive tattoo on Amanda’s shoulder proves that it’s really her.

(“Tattoos? Tattoos? I have tattoos.” “I know you do, Nurse.” “They’re really nice tattoos.” “I know they are, Nurse.”)

Emerging from the basement and then the frat house itself is instantly sobering. The chill from winter hasn’t quite left the air at night and Nursey wraps his arms around himself and doesn’t think about how Dex chirped him about not wearing a coat before he’d left. The frat isn’t far away from the Haus, thank god, but it is slightly farther when he turns left instead of right and then has to a backtrack a bit, but he still gets back in under ten minutes and he can still feel his hands, so overall, a win.

Attempting to get into the Haus quietly is a lost cause, given its one thousand year old floor and the fact that a ladybug could fart in the kitchen and wake up the guys in the attic. Still, Nursey gives it the good college try, which is why he’s creeping ridiculously through the living room when the light turns on suddenly and he screams, much to the amusement of Dex, standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Fuck, dude, what the fuck.”

Dex just smirks in that horribly attractive way of his. “How was the Psi-U basement?”

Nursey thinks of blue hair, washed out in the lights, Amanda’s hand on that girl’s cheek, the way Dex smiles when he’s around her. “Fine,” Nursey says, swaying.

The amusement falters and Nursey wishes he could figure out a way to keep the smile on Dex’s face the way Amanda does. Dex takes a step closer. “Are you alright?”

Nursey shakes his head violently and takes a step back, a step farther away. This is the part where he says yes, yes of course Dexy-darling, I’m right as rain, what about you? This is the part where Dex rolls his eyes and loops his arm around Nursey’s waist, his warm side pressed into Nursey’s. The part where they go upstairs, where Nursey writes his best poetry that he’s too embarrassed to write down when he’s sober, where Dex tells him to sleep well and lingers outside the doorway long enough for Nursey’s breathing to slow and then the floor creaks and Nursey knows he’s gone and wishes he’d held on just a little bit longer--

“Nursey, what’s wrong?”

Nursey shakes his head again. He means to say nothing, he means to say, I’m going to bed, he means to-- “Amanda, she--”

The concern turns to alarm. Why can’t Nursey ever make it better? “Is she alright? Did you see her? Is she okay?”

Nursey shakes his head again. He can’t seem to stop doing that. “She’s fine, she--she--” He swallows, and it’s sticky, cloying, citrusy and sweet on the back of his tongue. “She--there was this girl, she-- Amanda, she--”

Dex won’t stop frowning, concern knitting his eyebrows together with three short wrinkles, and Nursey has wanted to smooth them out with his fingertips every time he sees them since sophomore year, and he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be telling Dex this while he’s drunk, shouldn’t be telling Dex this at all, but he’s Nursey’s friend first and Nursey has to believe he’d tell Dex regardless of the love thing, he must--

“She was kissing some girl. In the Psi-U basement.”

The wrinkles smooth out. The amusement returns. Nursey--he can’t make sense of it over the ringing in his ears. Why is Dex smiling? Did--did Nursey do that?

“Did she look like a lawyer?” he asks, and at Nursey’s confusion clarifies, “The girl Amanda was kissing. Did she look like a lawyer?” Nursey nods dumbly. Dex’s smile only grows. Nursey is so, so confused and also more in love than he’s ever been. “Finally. I just won fifty bucks.”

What the fuck. “What the fuck.”

Dex laughs--laughs. “The girl’s name is Tammy. She graduated last year and moved to Boston. Amanda’s been in love with her forever, and I bet her that she’d get with Tammy before I--” Flush appears high on Dex’s cheeks, the soft pink one that means embarrassment and Nursey imagines would taste like cherry pie against his lips.

Nursey is--still quite a bit drunk. He needs--clarification. “You--you bet your girlfriend that she would get with her friend at a frat party?”

Dex’s nose scrunches up in Nursey’s favorite way--the same way it does when he’s trying to write humanities essays, the reason Nursey always says yes when Dex asks for help. “Girlfriend? Did you think Amanda was my girlfriend?”

Nursey remembers the start, hearing about Amanda every other day, then every day, then it was, sorry I can’t come, I’m meeting Amanda at-- and then one day at Annie’s, a girl with blue hair and a sharp grin yelled Babe! from across the room and planted a kiss on Dex’s cheek, her hand lingering on his shoulder, sipping from his coffee cup, getting him to smile like that--

“Well, yeah.” Nursey’s head is spinning and, for the first time tonight, not from the gin. “Is she--is she not?”

“Oh God, no, she’s so fucking gay, dude.” Laughter twinkles in Dex’s eyes. Nursey is drunker than he’s been since freshmen year of high school when Shitty snuck in some of his dad’s hard liquor and the janitors found them on the roof singing Disney songs at the moon. Dex’s girlfriend is gay. Dex’s girlfriend isn’t his girlfriend. Dex is--is smiling at him like he smiles at his girlfriend who isn’t his girlfriend.

“Oh,” Nursey says, dazed, “chill.”

“Oh wow,” Dex grins, leaning into the doorframe, “I can’t believe you thought--and you thought telling me my girlfriend was cheating on me at 3am while shit-drunk was a good idea?”

Nursey says, “Hey, honesty is important, and I’m not--” He stops. He remembers something. He squints. “Wait. If you bet 50 bucks on Amanda getting with Tammy, who did Amanda bet you would get with?”

The cherry pie blush is back. Nursey takes an absent-minded step forward. The room feels so much lighter now that Dex’s girlfriend isn’t cheating on him. The distance between them feels so much sillier now that Dex doesn’t have a girlfriend.

“Ah, well.” Dex rubs at the back of his neck, all country bumpkin sheepish to ask his sweetheart to the dance, and--and--

“I’m the sweetheart,” Nursey realizes with the kind of crystal clarity only afforded by the most copious amounts of alcohol.

Dex’s eyebrows furrow, those sweet little wrinkles appearing between them, and Nursey takes two long strides forward and presses his thumb into them. Dex goes cross-eyed trying to watch, but moves his eyes to meet Nursey’s after a moment.

Nursey grins, likely a bit sloppy from the gin, but he can’t find it in himself to care at the moment. “I’m the sweetheart,” he repeats, beaming.

Dex tries to repress the smile at his lips. “You’re not a sweetheart.”

“Yes I am,” Nursey sings, listing forwards. “You like me.”

“You’re an asshole.” Dex’s smile grows. Nursey watches its progress and sways.

“They’re not mutually exclusive,” he says, tracking the pink lips as they spread, revealing teeth and--and tongue and--

“I hate that you can still say mutually exclusive when you’re this drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. See, I’ll prove it.”

“How do you plan on--”

If Dex’s mouth weren’t so preoccupied, he might say that the taste on Nursey’s tongue is a good indication that he is in fact fairly tipsy, but as it is--well. He’s got other things to do.

(Amanda asserts that they tied since it happened on the same night and only pays $25. Tammy throws in five more and a condom and they call it even. Nursey kisses away Dex’s protest and pockets the condom, much to Amanda’s amusement. Turns out, she’s even cooler when she isn’t dating the love of Nursey’s life.)

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ambiguousdisorderken · 4 years ago

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in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel. Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” // Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23 – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references.

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is).

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

#Anonymous #thanks for coming to my ted talk #im posting this at 2:30 am so i'll most likely reblog it at a more reasonable hour ..in case anon is closer to my time zone #why am i even saying this..im sleepy #destiel #answered #destiel episode guide #there might be number/name mistakes because again sleepish.forgive me #long post

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lesbianrobin · 4 years ago

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hello em i have a request. can u please rate mr harrington's looks/outfits i just feel like u have the best takes and i'd LOVE to know how you'd rank his choices 👀

this is the single greatest ask i’ve ever received. i will be ranking the outfits, not steve’s moral alignment or actions in each scene. in order of appearance:

The Introduction

4/10

hair is tragic

steve copied this entire fit from a mannequin in the ralph lauren polo outlet store

would honestly be a 0/10 except for the obvious valiant effort being put forth by his lower half to resist the sexless curse of khaki pants. the devil (st costuming department) works hard but by god steve harrington (joe keery’s body) works harder

nice brown watch that certainly came from a department store

also gains points for being next to nancy’s anemic librarian fit, thus looking better by comparison

The Rich Bitch

8/10

thank god he ditched the khakis

hair looks much less demonic

it’s a simple look but the sweatshirt rides up when he shotguns the beer

he also gets wet

solid 8 for sluttiness alone

The Whore

10/10

wet

please note that his chest is waxed. keep this in mind.

The Heterosexual

2/10

hair looks like he dipped his head in glue

bold choice with the grey pants. unfortunately that choice was wrong

matching outfits with your comphet girlfriend isn’t as cute as you think it is stevie

you only get points because despite that ungodly pastel stripe pattern the polo’s decently fitted and makes your arm look kinda nice

The Dickhead

3/10

glue head pt. 2

at least the stripes aren’t pastel this time

The Cuck

6/10

hair slightly less glue-y

yet another striped polo is peeking out unfortunately

but! it’s green and green looks good on him

finally wearing jeans like a normal fucking human instead of weird slacks

pivotal moment in steve’s fashion evolution from preppy male model to sexy morally upright king

his morals are stored in the denim

The Final Girl

9/10

an outfit with a character arc to rival steve’s own

pretty fucking good hair if i do say so myself!!

it’s fluffy!

that shit looks like if you touched it it’d be soft... no glue here!

finally not copying from the goddamn l.l. bean catalog

iconic green slut sweatshirt? check! jacket and nikes? check! fucked-up gorgeous face and baseball bat full of rusty nails? check, baby!

looks good on its own OR with some blood on top

overall a very solid look

The Darling Little Drummer Boy

7/10

babe no... please don’t go back to the khakis... they won’t treat you like jeans do...

not quite glue head but not his best

apparently steve owns a single green sweatshirt, a thousand striped polos, and one very precious christmas sweater

almost makes up for prep-related khaki crimes by being really fucking cute

The Simp

8/10

glue head is DEAD

further evidence that steve harrington’s entire closet is just striped polos

this is his fifth unique striped polo

most of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

actually all of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

he’s finally let go of the fucking pastels thank jesus

and you can’t see it but he did wear jeans with this fit i just forgot to make sure they were pictured and it’s 4:15 am so i don’t feel like going back to remake this collage

cannot tell if this is a lighter blue version of the jacket he wore three times in s1 or if it IS the jacket he wore three times in s1 and the color grading is just that different

either way he loves jackets and i think that’s very sexy of him

The Intellectual

9/10

i’ve been waiting for this one... turn it up!

literally invented vests

excellent hair

loses a point for unfortunately introducing steve’s SIXTH unique striped fucking polo

i can’t see the collar but i know it’s there i know you’re wearing another fucking polo steve you can’t hide from me

can’t decide if he looks gay or just really preppy but either way he’s got some repression going on

still a very solid look

The Oh No Oh God It Hurts I’m Looking Away I Can’t Watch This

10/10

yes that middle picture is absolutely to show off the texture of his blazer and not at all me making sure that if i have to see his heartbroken little face then you all do too

anyways i Know that blazer cost at least $100 like i Know that shit’s expensive

excellent gorgeous soft-looking hair that someone ought to run their hands through but only people who haven’t dated him for a year while pining after someone else

emotional devastation... but make it unbelievably fucking sexy

stevie baby i know you’re a colorful guy but please wear more black

The Meathead Jock

9/10

aw christ whatever happened to standards?

introduction of the blue nikes <3

god his hair looked fucking good here

could have gained that final point by using tube socks with blue and GREEN stripes to tie together the shoes and the gym uniform :/

shorts could be shorter but are an altogether appropriate and enjoyable length

fun sweatstain to customize the look <3

The (is there a word for victim of bullying?) Serious Athlete

8/10

the yellow stripe was more fun

still cute though

The Sudsy Boy

11/10

wet

suds indicate that he’s washing his hair, presumably with faberge organics. is this why he’s being bullied?

steve brings his faberge organics shampoo and conditioner and his farrah fawcett spray to school with him whenever he has basketball practice

steve either has shampoo, conditioner, and hairspray in his backpack at all times, or he has a separate gym bag that’s mostly haircare products

just need to make sure we all know that

excellent freckle showcase

his chest is still waxed. please, i beg, keep this in mind

one of his strongest looks

The Babysitter

10/10

his most versatile look to date

a different jacket than the one(s) he’s worn before but it still has the same kind of collar. steve found a jacket he liked and bought it in at least three colors

the whole thing fits So fucking nicely! shirt, jacket, jeans... baby boy is TAILORED

return of the white nikes with the red check indicate that they are his fashion nikes, while the blue nikes with the white check are his sport nikes. interesting.

this fit lasts like 48 hours and steve simply looks sexier as time goes on which is a testament to its quality as well as his inherent power

every new accessory elevates his appearance. roses, nail bat, rubber gloves, blood, sweat, band-aids, bandana, goggles... each element complements the look in its own way!

an overall win

The Chauffeur

8/10

we can’t really see the whole fit but he’s not wearing a striped polo so i’m calling it a win regardless of what’s on his bottom half

cannot give him a 10/10 though because he might be wearing khakis

red is such a nice color on him when it’s not just from his blood

i lied when i said he should wear more black he should wear more colors

that plain sweater absolutely cost $85 or more

hair looks very nice and soft

excellent look!

The Sailor Man

9/10

very precious

absolutely the best hair i’ve ever seen

baby boy got highlights for his hot girl summer!

bright colors make his very red lips pop

shorts could be shorter

love the little accents! especially the white pockets and belt

excellent color coordination on steve’s part with the blue sneakers (notably different than his s2 blue basketball nikes) and the red bruising/blood

i hope you remembered that steve’s chest was waxed. as you can see his chest is now unwaxed. some change between s2 and s3 drove this decision, presumably either his breakup with nancy or the fact that he no longer showers in front of other guys at school. up to your interpretation

shock blanket at the very end is a nice touch so we don’t forget he’s traumatized

The Drowned Rat/The Man Overboard

10/10

wet

shorts could be shorter

the decision to purchase and wear a hoodless raincoat is absolutely ridiculous and stupid

however it is also very steve harrington and i value self-expression

The Chick Magnet/The Flaming Homosexual

100/10

what can i even say about this fit?

the absolute best pants he’s worn thus far. amazing fit, excellent classic wash. i say this as a former american eagle outfitters associate and the winner of my freshman year dorm’s “best at folding jeans” award

manages to make blue jeans with a half-blue denim vest work effortlessly

bold primary colors make him stand out without being too gaudy

excellent pairing of t-shirt with simple stripes and vest with simple color blocking to create a complex yet cohesive and flattering look

simple brown belt gives the look a put-together yet down-to-earth vibe

hair has only gotten better

still wearing that same brown watch that he’s had since the introduction

this man looks like he waxes his chest

this is steve in his final form

thank you for your time

#em talks #asks #long post #steve harrington #stranger things #battleonthedeathstar

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summernightslulibabee · 3 years ago

Text

Summer Nights - (Solangelo Fanfiction) - Chapter Two: sex and promiscuity

Will

There's really no reason to be dramatic. I mean, fainting? Come on.

So what, we hooked up? He squealed and ran out of the room before we actually fucked. I don't understand the big deal. I've slept with a few guys from school before, and none of them ran out on me right beforehand. If he wanted to stop, he could have just said that. I'm not an animal.

To be honest, I never really noticed Nico di Angelo that much. He was always just that really smart, try-hard kid. The only time he spoke was to give long-worded answers to our teacher's questions which made everyone roll their eyes. You can tell he really likes to hear, "Why can't you all be like Nico?"

I hate teacher's pets.

I never picked up on the fact that he was gay until the party. See, that's how most dudes come out to me—behind closed doors while we're both tipsy. It's a common theme, really. It's a surprise I haven't been outed yet, but I guess people are too scared to say anything. I suppose my father's status can actually count for something.

And most guys just like to forget about it, anyway. At least until I get a random text message at 3 AM asking, "U up?" Of course, I'm always happy to help a friend in need.

I truly don't believe in the ramifications of sex. It's a momentary fleeting feeling of euphoria, and that's all we really want at the end of the day. I don't catch feelings, I don't care for the monotony of relationships, and I especially don't care for other's opinions of when and who I should fuck.

In a school mostly funded by religious organizations, I've heard all the speeches about waiting until marriage, treating your body with respect, or whatever. I say those stick-up-their asses sons of bitches never fucking came in their life. Or, perhaps, they're just projecting their sexual desires onto underaged kids. In which case, Christians have a lot to explain. Again.

I shouldn't be too surprised. While my friends and I sat in the back of the auditorium making fun of the talkers, the few times I looked to the front row at Nico, only to see his eyes were glued on them, nodding intently as if he was really believing every word. No wonder he freaked himself out. Who takes notes at a "wait-till-marriage" speech? Fucking weirdo.

He basically proved to me that "wanting" to preserve the "sanctity of marriage" was just a whole load of repressed, heteronormative bologna. Most of the time it's just compensating, and the shit could burst if you even attempt to poke at it.

I made the first move, sure. But he kissed back, and then climbed onto my lap, and tore off my shirt, and moaned every time I kissed his neck, and sucked me off. Obviously, the kid's embarrassed. If he wants to pretend it never even happened, that's fine with me. I couldn't care less. But fainting? My god.

Now I'm on the ground, trying to lightly slap his face in annoyance before the boss's assistant comes down. "Wake up," I whisper. "Wake up, wake up, wake up, stupid!"

He's out cold. Ugh.

"You're going to blow this thing for the both of us," I sigh. My hand tingles. In the distance, I can hear footsteps. Well, he can't be mad at me for this.

I rear my hand back and slap him across the face. He jolts awake, sitting up and out of my hands, immediately bringing his palm to his cheeks. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Did...you...just hit me?"

I roll my eyes. "Get up, man," I snarl, straightening my legs. He's wearing his usual black-fitted shirt. I offer him a hand but he stares at it like it's burned and shriveled. He backs away from me quickly, almost tripping over a fake plant. Then, he seems to regain himself, pushing off the ground. He still keeps his distance, trying hard to look away from me. Dork.

The door clicks open and a man walks in. He's got short blonde hair and he's wearing a purple shirt tucked into khakis. He's not so bad looking. "My name's Octavian," he sighs. "And you two must be the Goode interns."

"Yes sir," Nico says as if he's in boot camp.

"Sir is so formal," Octavian rolls his eyes. Nico's face goes red as his lips press together in confusion. "You're both 18, right?"

We nod.

"Great," he says. "Well, you two will be working for the Orange team. They handle politics. They're stationed upstairs. You shouldn't be able to miss it. You do whatever they say."

"We'll get to write our own pieces, right?" Nico nervously asks.

Octavian smirks with a darkness. "I'm sure you can try to contribute. Just remember your place."

The boy's eyes are wide with a blush still present across his cheeks. This whole thing doesn't really bother me. My dad makes me go to fancy dinner meetings all the time with more prestigious, stuck-ups, so I guess I'm prepared.

Octavian unsheathes a camera from a bag, removing the cap from the lens. "Stand there," he directs me. I do what he says as he snaps a picture. He turns to Nico. "You. There."

I step out of the way as he takes a step into the spot I had been in. Then, he trips on the rug below and slips, and I catch him out of reflex. He's seriously clumsy.

He scrambles out of my arms and stands. Octavian seems unimpressed. "You must be a good writer, kid," he sighs, snapping a picture. He sets the camera down and pulls out his phone. "My room number's out on the bulletin board. Don't call it. Now, I'm sure you two can find your way, right?"

Nico's mouth falls open, but before he says anything stupid, I step in. "Definitely. Thanks, Octavian."

Octavian nods as I turn, leaving Nico behind me. He catches up quickly behind me.

"How. The. Hell. Are. You. Here?"

"I sucked off the boss, isn't it obvious?"

"Not funny. You cheat on every essay. There's no way you were accepted based on your originality or skill," Nico struggles to catch up as I walk up the clear stairs leading to the second floor. "Daddy's money?"

"You guessed it," I roll my eyes.

"You walk so fucking fast," Nico gasps for air. "Listen, I actually worked hard to be here. I really don't need an incompetent jock screwing up everything."

"I seem to recall you being the one who was 30 minutes late and passed out on the floor. How's that for incompetent?" My eyes trace over the second floor. There's glass offices everywhere, people throwing around ideas, chewing on the ends of their whiteboard markers, and there hardly seems to be a dress code—in fact, the edgiest clothing seemed to be more encouraged. How the hell are we supposed to know where the Orange team is located?

"That's all your fault."

I stop and turn towards him. "My fault?"

"I was drunk—"

"So was I," I narrow my eyes at him. "Is this really what this about? You're still thinking about the party?"

His back straightens and he scrunches up his nose as if he's slightly offended. "I—what? We..."

"So what?" I cross my arms and bend slightly to his height, getting in his face. "I don't care if you sucked my dick, if that's what you're talking about."

Nico plops a hand directly onto my mouth, looking around nervously. "Are you crazy? Don't say that out loud," he lets out frantically.

I roll my eyes and peel his hand away. "Can you be mature for once and just get over it? I couldn't fucking care less about what happened. So stop acting like a complete dork before you get the both of us fired. Understand?"

"Don't tell me what to do," Nico growls.

"You're pathetic," I look up when I see a girl with an orange shirt walking towards one of the rooms in the back. I back out of his face and begin my way towards her, walking pass multiple offices. Nico keeps a steady pace behind me, making sure to hang back. At this point, he feels like a chihuahua yapping at my feet.

I see her slip into a room with a few other people wearing orange, and follow in after. Nico fumbles with his fingers awkwardly. I want to reach out and slap them and tell him to stop being such a weirdo. There are 3 young adults, one sitting in an office chair, yelling at two people who stand at the whiteboard.

"The progressives were born from populism," a guy with curly black hair, sitting on one of the beam bag chairs, rubs his forehead. "But they were all wealthy, white people who suspected that the little guys would overthrow them if they didn't get in control of their movement."

"And I think that's exactly how we could tie them to modern-day liberals," responds a girl with dark eyes and pale brown hair. She puts her hands on her hips accompanied with an angry pout. "Basically rich people taking the ideas of the working class and acting like they're our friends. But they aren't! They benefit just as much from the little guy's suffering as the rich conservatives do."

"Seriously, Clarisse?" Another girl sips from her coffee cup, swinging in her office chair. "We're already a progressive magazine, we don't need to lose the liberals like we've lost conservatives. Plus, most of them are the ones funding our column."

They continue bickering back and forth, the room rising into a roar. They obviously don't notice us, or don't care to.

Well, here goes nothing.

"If you guys are going to connect modern politics to a time such as the progressive movement, perhaps you should have a base reason for doing so," I say. "And more sources."

Nico slams his hand onto his face.

They go quiet as their heads snap towards me.

"Who the hell are you two?" Asks Clarisse.

"We're the interns from Goode," I inform them. "I'm Will. This is Nico."

Clarisse raises her chin. The boy with curly black hair steps up. "And you," he looks at Nico next to me. "What do you think?"

Nico lowers his hand, his eyes wide, and his cheeks red. "H-huh? What do I think?"

"I do believe you're the one I asked," he frowns.

"W-well, uh, I—" he clears his throat. "I agree that while making a statement about how, uh, liberals can often be blind to the actual issues of working class Americans, they um...they also do a lot to help and it would be a blanket statement to say that not all of them do."

"Okay," the girl in the chair tilts her head to the side. "But what do you think?"

Nico blinks in confusion. "I just said—"

"You shouldn't make a decision yet," I sigh. "You might have made assumptions that make sense but all of your computers are shut. The whiteboard has no written notes down. I don't see any printed out sources or studies. It wouldn't be smart to write a column this empty handed. This is a test, right?"

Nico looks to me quizzically, tilting his head to the side.

Clarisse sighs and sets down her marker. "You got us."

The girl in the office chair stands up suddenly, marching over to me. She bends over and looks at my pass. "Will Solace. Of course you would know business tricks. You're Allistair's kid," she stands back up. "My name's Chris. That's Beckendorf over there."

"I'm confused," Nico says.

"It's a tactic to see if we're perceptive," I respond to him. "And if we'll be brave enough to speak our minds. My father pulls it all the time."

"So I'm guessing I failed?"

"Not entirely," shrugs Chris. "There is no failing. Besides, you tried to please all of us. But there's no need to, little guy."

Nico's lip twitches at 'little guy', but he chooses not to say anything.

"We read the both of your entries," says Clarisse. "They're not bad. You guys are good thinkers."

"I'm appreciative of the opportunity to be here," Nico speaks up, swallowing hard.

Behind them, the door peels open. In steps a girl with long black hair and an angry stare. She crosses her arms. "Are those the interns?"

Chris sighs and straightens her back. "Their names are Will and Nico. Guys, this is Drew. She's head of the team."

She turns to stare the both of us down. "Oh, good. You can go run and get coffee."

"They're here to be the teen voice of the column, Drew," Clarisse bites.

"Hm. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she flips her hair, "after a Grande, iced, sugar-free, Vanilla Latte with soy milk."

She digs into her purse and the card flies up. I want to say something to her rude ass, but Nico quickly grabs it. "Yes ma'am!" He says before rushing out of the door.

Was he seriously trying to turn this into a competition?

I follow out after him. He's walking with a vengeance. "Christ, will you slow down?"

"Fuck off, Will!" He pushes down the stairs. "I'm going to bring her the coffee before you can!"

"You're so immature!" I whisper-shout.

"I'll show you immature, jerkwad!"

"It's not a competition—"

"Fuck. You!"

"My God," we jog out of the front door of the building, "had I known you were going to act like a child afterwards, I would have never let you suck me off."

"Oh my God! Stop saying that!" Nico puts his hands over his ears.

"Would you prefer blowjob?"

"I'm trying to forget I ever did anything with you, okay?" Nico's face is beet red as we wait at a traffic light. "It doesn't fit into my plan."

"Holy fucking shit. You have your sex life planned out? You're such a nerd."

"I—no! It's not like that!" Nico buries his face in his hands. "I'm not the person who sleeps around, and I definitely would never sleep with you."

"You almost did."

"And I regret it!"

"You seemed pretty into it," I shrug. I can practically see smoke shooting from his ears. "I certainly remember how you told me to pull your hair, bite your neck—"

"Shut up!"

"Mmm, and how you pulled off my shirt—"

"Shut. Up!" We were starting to get weird stares. Something about seeing him mad made me want to continue.

"I also seem to remember how you wrapped your legs around my waist," I say. "And how you were begging for me to fuck—"

He turns suddenly, his hand flying up and the next thing I know, a pain explodes on my cheek. He presses his lips together, his eyes wide, staring at his hand. He looks back at me in shock.

"N-now we're even," he blinks, marching down the crosswalk. I follow behind him.

"You know, slapping's kind of a turn on for me."

"You are so perverted! I wish I never went to that party," Nico groans. He throws open the door to Starbucks and marches in angrily. He slams his hands on the counter and stares at the worker. "Grande, iced, sugar-free, Vanilla latte with soy milk," he forces a smile and a kind voice, but an eyebrow is twitching.

The worker seems slightly frightened but nods slowly. "Right. Gotcha," he throws up finger-guns.

"I thought you wanted to forget about it too," Nico mumbles.

"I would have if you were a decent person," I sigh. "But you've made it onto my bad side."

Nico pouts. "You never answered me on how you got the internship," he crosses his arms defensively. "You don't do any work in class."

I look directly at him. "Do you really equate grades to intelligence?"

"I can equate it to work ethic."

"Yeah, well, you wanna know why you didn't pick up on the trick they pulled on us?" I ask. He blinks quickly. "It's because you don't have a single original thought in your head. I'm sure you can name off every single president and their election years and their tragic backstories, but you don't have an opinion. You regurgitate what you read, but you don't know why you think that, only that you should. Maybe I'm not book smart, or care to be, but what else do you know about being a teenager when you can't even handle a couple of drinks? I have experience, Nico. I have opinions because I've been surrounded in politics since I was born and I know what it's like to be young because I don't coop myself in my room memorizing the fucking periodic table. That's what I wrote about and that's what got me picked. So, why don't you get off my back and let the adults handle all of this?"

Nico looks slightly offended, trying to hold up in his chin in defense of his own feelings. I was used to people going silent whenever I addressed this. Everybody needs a humbling sometimes. I'm always happy to give one.

Then he mumbles, "You know what? Fuck you. I'm going to have so much experience this summer you won't believe it."

"W-what?"

"You heard me," he stomps up to me. The Starbucks worker nervously sets down the coffee and creeps away. "You can't scare me away, Solace. Not like you do everybody else at school. I'm going to make your life a living Hell."

I squint my eyes at him. "Pardon?"

He pops his knuckles and keeps my gaze. It's true what they say about short people having a secret rage inside of them. "I've worked hard to be here," he sticks his finger into my chest. "So fuck you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take this latte to our team captain."

He turns on his heels and struts out of Starbucks, the coffee clenched in his hands.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

The rest of the day was Drew sending us on wild goose chases, keeping us busy running her errands for us. The entire time, Nico was trying to prove he was better than me.

I was thankful when the day finally ended. I felt drained of energy. And I'm not even getting paid for this shit.

The sun melts around the horizon, cascading a golden glow onto every person, place, and thing in the near vicinity. The trees fall dark against the sky, creating a perfect silhouette. I like this part of the drive.

The sunset is always behind me when I turn into my neighborhood, which is slightly disappointing. The gate attendant waits for me and automatically recognizes the car. He waves to me through the window before pressing a button. I wave back before driving in. The houses pass me, over and over, growing bigger in size, until I make it to the end.

My gut tightens as I pull into the driveway. Dad and mom are both home. I prefer being home alone, but it's fine. I push my car door closed and jog up the platform, pulling my key out from my pocket and twisting. Slowly I walk down the hall, all the way into my dad's office. I pop my knuckles and slide into one of the office chairs. He sits at his desk, his glasses on the tip of his nose, and his lips tightened.

"How was it?" He asks.

"It was good," I say. "They pulled the observant trick."

"And did you pass?"

I let a smirk play against my lips. "Of course."

"Good, good," he raises an eyebrow and closes his laptop, staring down at me. "Are you going to start writing soon?"

I shrug. "Hopefully," I tell him. "Today we were just running around doing errands."

"We?"

"The other student who was chosen," I slowly say. "Nico di Angelo."

"Oh. That one," his lips press together lightly. "He was oddly persistent when he heard the company was buying and rebuilding the park. He and his two friends, that is. They cried gentrification."

"So...he's also writing for the political column?"

I nod slowly.

He pulls off his glasses and tosses them across the desk, slouching and rubbing his temples. "Of course this has to happen," he groans.

"And I'm proud of you for that, son," he sighs. "I know you aren't keen on writing for the topic."

I shrug and slump in my chair.

"Still, keep a close eye on him," he folds his hands. "On Friday, I'll be announcing that I'm running. Press will be there. You'll be prepared, right?"

I gulp and nod. "Y-yes."

"Good," he takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. "And don't let the news leak. I can't have any protestors."

I nod again. "Yes, dad," I say. "You can trust me."

"And...also," he narrows his eyes at me. "We're both under the same understanding about your personal actions, right?"

I swallow the bubble in my throat. "Yes. I'm over it."

"You're a good kid, Will," he clears his throat. "Now that I'm running for mayor, our looks and how people perceive us matters. I think press would like to see that I've raised you right. Maybe we could see a woman on your arm by Friday?"

My eyes flicker up to meet his. His eyes are hard and cold, his eyebrows folded in angrily.

"Dad," I whisper breathlessly, almost begging.

"You're over it, aren't you?" He asks.

He knows I'm just saying that to make him feel better. I don't know why he has to push.

"It's just..."

"Don't disappoint me, Will," he pushes out from his desk. "You're the oldest. Your siblings look up to you, and I count on you to set a good example."

"Okay," my eyes dart to the floor. "I understand."

"You make me proud," he pats my shoulder.

I force a smile and head up to my room. I love my dad, but he really knows how to piss me off. Obviously I don't expect to be pushed in the closet forever but..

I slam my door close and collapse on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. He's under a lot of stress. He's always been. Running for mayor is gonna be even worse. Then I'll really be walking on eggshells.

My phone buzzes.

I turn on my side, typing in my passcode, and opening it to my text messages app. It's a text from Travis Stoll.

wanna come over?

I could use a stress reliever. And to hell with my dad. Even if I couldn't say that to his face.

i'll be there, I press send and stand, stretching out my arms. I seriously don't know where Travis has been, but I also don't care. I slide on my jacket and dig in the pockets. Where the fuck is my condom?

And then I remember.

"I don't think about you all," Nico had said. He was wearing all black and eyeliner was running down his face. His hair was roughed and fluffy and smelled like hairspray. Something about it was actually kind of hot.

"You'd be the first," I challenged his gaze.

He seems slightly surprised, but his face lingers in curiosity. He was definitely picking up on the flirting. "You're...confusing," his eyebrows fold in.

"Not entirely," I said.

"Why are you hiding in here?" He asked, slowly approaching the bed. He sat down next to me.

It was most likely the drinks, but I felt compelled to tell him. "Sometimes it's overwhelming," I explained. "Pretending to be someone you aren't for the sake of others."

Nico twisted a piece of hair around his finger, his eyes focused in on the action. "I understand," he answers slowly. "It must be tiring. At least I don't have the city's attention on me."

I leaned back. "And Percy? You like him, or something?"

His face plastered red, and it wasn't just because he was drunk. "I-uh, yes," he drops his shoulders. "I'm in love with him."

I snickered. "Love? Do you even know him?"

His eyes widened in defense. "I-yes, I know enough."

"Ever heard of the term infatuation?"

"So what if we hardly talk? I can just feel it," he crossed his arms. "Not that you'd know anything about that."

"Not to burst your bubble, or anything, but he's straight," I sighed.

"You're a douchebag," Nico angrily grunted through his teeth. But his eyes were on mine.

"Hey, if you truly want to believe in love, go for it," I shrugged and put my hands up in surrender. "but look where it's gotten you."

"Jesus, are you always like this? I don't even know how he could stand to be friends with a person like you," he crossed his arms and looked off.

Oh, shit. Sometimes I go too far.

He turned, his eyes twinkling. "What do you do when you like someone but they don't like you back?"

"I don't have that problem," I say. He narrows his eyes at me. "Joking. Uh, I don't know. Move on?"

He rolled his eyes. "Move on," he buried his face in his palms. "I hate almost everyone, and they hate me. It's not so easy to just...move on in a place like this."

I don't know what came over me, but I could feel myself being pulled towards him. Maybe it was to get him to stop feeling bad. Maybe it was because he looked so fucking hot in this new look. Maybe it was the drinks. Maybe it was all of the above. But I placed my hand under his chin, turning his face towards mine, and leaned over, connecting our lips.

At first, he didn't know what to do.

"I'll help you move on," I slurred against his lips. "If you want."

I pulled away and met his eyes, almost immediately regretting what I just did. He stared at me with a gaping mouth and wide, expectant eyes. He didn't have to look so damn shocked.

Then, the next thing I know, he pounced, straddling my lap.

And well, things progressed.

I don't even know why I'm thinking about this. Oh, shit. Condoms.

I turned and retrieved some from my end table, heading out the door. As I head down the stairs, I turn and yell out, "Going to Piper's!"

And no protest.

—

I pull up my jeans, standing next to the messy bed. The pillows were thrown on the ground and Travis sits with a blanket covering up his lower half. He strokes the empty spot next to him. "I don't care for pillow talk," I grimace. "You called me here for sex."

He crosses his arms. "Is it bad to want to spend time with you?"

Travis rolls his eyes and stands up, pulling on a t-shirt. "I forgot," he presses his lips together. "I'm just a bag of meat to you."

"You invited me over here," I stand. "And no, you're not just a bag of meat. But you know what I want."

"I want you," Travis states with a pout.

"Too bad," I slide on my hoodie.

"So unattainable," he walks over to me and slaps my cheek. "Only makes me want you more, my dear."

I peel his hand away. "You hate relationships too, Travis."

"I do not! I'm just not good at them. But I wish you would get over that stupid belief that love means nothing to you," he walks to his dresser. "Even if it's not me, someone's eventually gonna figure out how to melt that cold heart of yours."

"Doubtful."

Travis picks up a sock. "And to think I douched for you."

I smirk. "See you later, Travis."

"I'm never texting you again!" He yells as he enters his bathroom.

"You said that last time!"

The next day, I check in at the receptionist, and head upstairs to the office. My mind wasn't really thinking much, only that I was slightly drained from the work of yesterday. Then, I walked into the office, to see the team all laughing and talking, coffees in their hands. In the middle of the room stood a skinny boy wearing all black.

He turns around when he hears me walk in. His dark hair is fluffed out and a loose MCR shirt hangs from his shoulders over black skinny-jeans and chains. There's a light layer of eyeliner smudged around his eyes.

"You've got to be kidding me," I sigh.

"Hello, Will," Nico smiles devilishly. "Shall we begin?"

#Summer Nights Solangelo #summer nights fanfiction #summer nights solangelo fanfiction #summer nights last summer #last summer series lulibabee #summer nights lulibabee

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fatalism-and-villainy · 3 years ago

Note

zhou zishu for the character ask meme?

Thank you for enabling me to talk about fandoms you're not in!

one aspect about them i love

He kills children. (No, really, this was the thing that made me straight-up love him when i read Qi Ye. Sometimes I'll see people say "oh, wow, he's so problematic... I guess I can love him anyway though" whereas I'm like "all these things are good actually.")

More seriously, he's so opaque about everything. He is repressing and compartmentalizing all over the place, and is so used to hiding his true feelings and intentions for court intrigue and espionage purposes that those things become obscured even to himself. (There's a part in TYK where he casually brings up Jiuxiao's name for the first time since his death, and it's noted that this is a big deal for him, and then it says something like "it wasn't a big deal, it was just that part of him was hollow on the inside" like buddy?? you okay there???) Like, he's very prickly, and a lot of his warmer feelings towards people come out through his actions and reactions, which makes him very fun to read about. (Like that scene where he's trying to act all nonchalant about Wen Kexing's sexual exploits while it's clear he's extremely flustered by the topic of conversation.)

But he also has such a playful side! He's very cool and controlled and measured throughout Qi Ye, but he is a Gremlin at heart and seeing him start to joke around and enjoying being a shit-stirrer is one of the joys of reading Faraway Wanderers.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

*gestures upward at "he killed children"* Like I feel like I keep harping on the stuff that happens in Qi Ye, but he very much did arrange for a kid to be raped and murdered for politicking purposes. I think a lot of characterizations of him that feel jarring to me are based on his Word of Honor characterization, and fair enough, I can't fault people for wanting to work off the show if that's their preferred (or only) canon, and even this fic of mine is borrowing some elements of that version of canon, but. Sometimes I'll see people characterize him in relation to morality or specifically sexual violence/exploitation in ways that just... do not line up with what he's actually done.

Also, this is relevant to Wen Kexing as well (who I also have to answer an ask for), but I'll put it here - he's actually pretty similar to Wen Kexing in personality and morals. Again, I think the show allows more room to interpret them as having contrasting personalities, but one thing I love about their book dynamic and characterizations is how much it's impressed upon the reader that they are very similar, and process the world very similarly, and this is why they have such an intuitive understanding of each other.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

This doesn't work if one takes them as having a more itinerant lifestyle post-canon, but - given Zhou Zishu's approach to the people close to him being "irritation and standoffishness --> reluctant affection, I think he should adopt strays. Let him have cats and dogs, and complain about how much work they are while secretly growing very attached to them. It just makes me happy.

Also, given the fact that he invented the nails, I want to see him come up with other magic inventions in his free time. He just likes tinkering. It's enrichment.

one character i love seeing them interact with

Wen Kexing is a given, of course, and really does bring out some of his most delightful qualities (the bantering and the little games they play!), but I'll put Beiyuan here as well. Just weird gay friends. Also Liang Jiuxiao, because of the codependency and tragedy of it all.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I'm always hungry for more interactions between him and Jiuxiao, haha. I suppose I'm also curious about the backstory of how he met Helian Yi, as well.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Ah, this one I seem to struggle with each time. Okay, I'm inspired by the show's exchange between Wen Kexing and Gu Xiang about playing cards (and the entire concept of scary crime organization leaders playing cards), so I'm going to say that it was Jiuxiao's wont to regularly cajole him into playing cards with him (sometimes with alcohol involved). Zhou Zishu put up a fuss about being busy but always indulged him.

#uhhh mentions of csa under the cut #because of you know. That Thing in qi ye #pyr0clast #zhou zishu #tyk talk #qi ye talk #awkwardly memes #replies

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freddiekluger · 4 years ago

Text

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit.

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad?

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on).

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans.

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious.

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive.

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman.

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend????

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t.

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

#i subluxed all my fingers and wrists doing this but worth it #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #bbc ghosts analysis #the captain #caphavers #the captain x havers #ben willbond #lgbt representation #lgbt rep #queer media #lgbt media

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astrozones · 4 years ago

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Gay Eyes - Prinxiety

@idkwhyimhere0o0 , @slitherynchiken bc yall wanted to see this uwu

Original Post here!

Summary: "Gay eyes" was a stupid concept. Virgil could hardly believe his ears when Roman suggested it earlier that day- when they were trying to pursue Nico. And of course, it didn't work. Because it was stupid. Idiotic. So why couldn't he stop thinking about it- or the boy who had suggested it?

Discord: Astro’s Zone

Ship: Prinxiety

Read on AO3

Spoiler warning for Flirting With Social Anxiety!!

Gay eyes, right?

That’s what he called them?

It was stupid. A stupid name, a stupid concept, a stupid- ugh, everything!

So why couldn’t he stop thinking about it-!

Virgil groaned, turning himself around so he could shove his face onto the pillow. Ughhhhhhhh.

Maybe it was because Roman looked so damn pretty doing it and- nope! Not going down that train of thought. At least, not for the fifth time tonight.

‘Gay eyes’. Ugh. Something about that was familiar. Did someone do them to Thomas? No, no, he would’ve heard Roman prattling on about it in a lovestruck monologue if someone did. That much was certain.

Ah- maybe- well, Thomas had to have done it sometime, right? He seemed so familiar with the concept. That must be why he was understood it. It was the only logical reason, at least. Heh, maybe Logan would be proud of him for coming up with an understandable conclusion.

But- that wasn’t it, was it? Something in his nonexistent heart told him so. And while he made a point to not listen to his heart- it could get them in so many dangerous situations, after all- he spent a few more minutes thinking about it. Just in case.

He couldn’t think of anything else though. No matter how many paths he went through, nothing made sense, except for if another Side had done them while he was watching or something and-!

Oh.

God, he remembered it- about 3 weeks ago, Roman was acting weird. And not his normal type of fantastical-focused weirdness either. He hadn’t thought much of it- that was a lie, he spent too much time thinking about it- but Roman kept looking over at Virgil, both of them sitting at opposite ends of the couch.

When Virgil finally chanced looking over and meeting his eyes, Roman simply raised an eyebrow at him. A second later, he switched his expression to an innocent one, looking away, and back, where he lifted his eyebrow again with a smirk.

What the fuck, he had thought. Huh? Ugh- whatever. Ro’ was just messing around. Virgil let out a scoff, lightly pushing Roman with a small laugh as he stood up and walked to the kitchen- Patton was starting to look longingly at the stove again, and Virgil decided he would supervise. They didn’t want a repeat of last time.

Looking back on it, though… Was Roman… flirting with him? With Virgil? None of the others had been in the room, except for Patton, who was on the opposite side. So it must have been Virgil.

But- why?

Why Virgil? Was he pranking him? No, Roman wouldn’t do that, he was too serious about romance.

That meant… that he was serious. That he was trying to flirt… with Virgil.

The chances of Roman pranking him seemed far higher than the chances of Roman actually liking Virgil back, but- well, all the signs said he was genuine.

Wait.

Oh God.

If he was flirting with him, that means- that means that Virgil just brushed off his flirting without a second thought. That he- did he accidentally reject Roman? Shit, shit, shitshitshit- FUCK! He must hate Virgil now and his chances were ruined and he’d be single forever and-

Breathe. He- he had to breathe.

In, out.

Okay. Okay, he just had to think about it logically. Logically, Roman’s feelings for him wouldn’t go away just because Virgil rejected him (he rejected him! FUCK! FUCK!). Logically, he still had a chance.

But what if he didn’t- what if Roman already convinced himself out of it, or what if he realized he wasn’t that interested after all and now he’s grateful I didn’t understand, or what if he- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Okay- okay- he just… he had to make a plan to tell Roman. Easy. Yeah, that was a good idea.

This was a horrible idea. By far the worst of his ideas. Why was he doing this idea?!?

Well, he supposed, this is why I’m not Creativity.

He sat down on the couch, opposite of Roman. Step one, done.

Roman glanced up at him, flashing a radiant smile before turning back to his book- something fantasy related, most likely. Fuck I’m gay.

Could anyone blame him, though? Roman was just so pretty! Kind, too, he just wanted the best for everyone. He had a pretty straightforward set of right and wrong, but he was learning, and trying his best to make things right. Fuck, he was so passionate too. Virgil could sit there listening for hours as he ranted on about all his new ideas. He wanted to do that, he wanted to be there for Roman, to trust him enough to share thoughts he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

Oh shit, he had been staring at him for too long. Roman was looking at him with concern and curiosity. Enact step two, enact step two!

Quickly, before he had a chance to feel scared about it- he let an eyebrow rise up, silently staring at Roman with a smile. He let the expression fall, looking away, then looking back, before switching back with a smirk.

Fuck, Roman just looked confused. What were the steps again? What did he miss?!? I knew this was a bad idea-

Roman softly gasped. Virgil’s gaze shot to him as a brilliantly bright blush adorned Roman’s face.

Good reaction?

“Was that- did you-?” Roman giggled, quickly covering his head with his hands.

This is good-? No! No, this is bad! A bad reaction! You fucked up Virgil, ABORT, ABORT-

“Roman, Virgil! It’s time to eat breakfast!” Patton called from the dining room. Shit. Now he couldn’t run away.

Roman kept trying to catch his gaze while they were eating. He saw it in the corner of his eye. But Virgil’s gaze stayed diligently on his food, eating quickly so he could run get away faster.

“I’m going to my room- BYE!” he rushed out, disposing of the dishes before sprinting back to his room. He didn’t want to see the pitying glance Roman sent him.

He face-planted straight onto his bed. He felt like crying, and he desperately fought back the tears that would tell everyone just what he was feeling.

Fuck, why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut. Or, rather, repressed his feelings and lived with the fact that Roman would never like him back? Of course Roman wouldn’t feel the same- why would he? When Virgil was so much worse than him?

Fuck.

He froze as a knock sounded at the door.

Fucking shit- this was Roman coming to officially reject him, wasn’t it. Shit, not right now! Not when he was still processing it! He was gonna burst into tears!

Biting his lip, he slowly made his way over to the door, opening it ever so cautiously.

There stood Roman, bouncing on his heels with a grin. Virgil frowned, why is he so ecstatic about rejecting me? I thought he considered me a friend now…

Roman opened his mouth to speak. Deny it! Deny it!

“It was a joke.” Virgil blurted out. Roman’s stopped in place, staring at him.

“What?”

“I didn’t mean it. Me doing the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing? It was a joke.” he murmured, fiddling with his sleeves. Roman made a strained noise.

“I- um- I see. That, uh, that makes sense. Thanks for clarifying, Virgil. If you’ll excuse me, I really must be going now. Ideas to explore, and all. Toodle-oo!”

And with that, Roman left.

“Of course it was too good to be true,” Roman moaned, falling back onto his thousands of pillows strewn over the floor. His body shook as he tried to hold back sobs.

He had been trying to show hints to Virgil for ages, y’know. Roman was brave, but not brave enough to say it outright. He’d hoped- well, he’d hoped that after he showed a few hints, maybe, just maybe, Virgil would show some signs back. Just enough that Roman could be sure that his feelings were returned.

And he thought… that this was it. That Virgil’s sudden understanding of ‘gay eyes’ was the sign that he was looking for!

He always knew his endless optimism would come to bite him some day.

“FUCK!” he shouted to no one. Thankfully he had soundproofed his room ages ago, after enough noise complaints from Logan about his singing. He wiped his tears away, scoffing as new ones just took their place.

He should have known Virgil was too perfect for him.

With his endearingly sarcastic attitude, his wonderfully precious giggles, and of course his smile- it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen for him sooner.

He silently cursed his past self. Why couldn’t he have just let it go and accepted him into the group? Maybe this wouldn’t have happened in the first place- maybe Virgil would be able to like him romantically.

God, what he would give to be able to cuddle with Virgil… to hug him, to hold hands, maybe even kiss him…

But he couldn’t.

Because Virgil had rejected him.

Dumbass, Virgil’s brain told him. He huffed. What, he asked, am I not suffering enough already?

His mind didn’t respond. Virgil groaned. This usually meant that he had to actually figure something out instead of just wallowing in his sorrow.

Rude.

He rubbed at his eyes, debating whether he should actually follow directions and think over things.

Nah, he decided, switching onto his side as he elected to just sleep and forget about today.

He likes you back!

Psh, yeah right. The only way Roman could like him back is if he had been coming over to confirm his feelings or some shit. That was impossible.

…

Wait, he thought, sitting up. Wait. Maybe I am a dumbass.

Because the more he thought about it, the more it became apparent that it actually wasn’t impossible. In fact, it might just be… plausible.

Holy shit.

He stood up, frantically searching for his hoodie. He had to tell Roman, he had to. Before it was too late.

Picking it up, he hurried over to the mirror. Fuck, he looked like a disaster. Hair askew, makeup nonexistent, eyes wide in panic. At least he hadn’t cried- crying, Virgil, he could be crying. Go, hurry!

Whipping open the door, he hurried down the hallway. Passing Patton in the kitchen, he gave him a nod as he ran.

“What are you doing up?” Patton asked, a cup of water in his hand. “You should be going to sleep.”

“Can’t-” Virgil huffed out, stopping for only a few seconds. “I have to go- gotta- clear something up.”

He left before Patton could come up with a response.

“Roman,” he whisper-shouted, frantically knocking on the door. “Roman!”

The door opened, revealing a tired Roman. Virgil noticed with a pain in his chest that his eyes were red from crying.

“What?”

“I meant it,” he rushed out. “I meant it- the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing. As stupid as it is, I meant it.” Roman’s eyes widened.

“I did- but I thought you were gonna reject me- so I said it was a joke and I know, I know, I’m so, so stupid, but say you like me back and I might just kiss you.”

For seconds that felt like eons, Roman stayed silent.

“Oh God, please do. I like you back, I have for a long time actua- mmf-!”

Before he was even done talking, Virgil had grabbed the collar of his pyjamas- a red t-shirt, with a crown placed in the center because this boy just cannot stop getting more adorable- and pulled him forward.

Their lips met, and Virgil’s heart melted. He moved his hands to caress Roman’s face. He felt warm- content, even, which couldn’t be true because he was Anxiety and Anxiety never felt content without a thousand other thoughts harassing him- but he was free from negative feelings, head empty as all he processed was Roman’s lips on his and that he was feeling loved.

He slowly separated from the boy, gasping for air and fighting the urge to dive back in and kiss him again- because holy fuck he had kissed Roman!

“I thought- I thought you didn’t like me back.” Roman whispered, voice cracking in the middle. Virgil shook his head vehemently.

“I- fuck no, Ro’, that’s impossible. I- fuck- you’re great, Ro’, I adore you.”

Roman broke out into a grin, leaning his forehead against Virgil’s.

“I adore you, too.”

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myhumanweakness · 4 years ago

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Destiel/Cockles analysis s/p 15x18

Okay, so... This is gonna be a mishmash of thoughts, but if you stick with me maybe you’ll get what I’m saying.

I’ve been seeing a lot of shit condemning Jensen as a homophobe because of his previous actions/statements about Destiel and also (for some ungodly reason) because of his performance during the confession in 15x18. And I have this theory that I needed to get out because it’s been there for a while, and now is the perfect time to explain it.

This show started out in 2005 as a show about two manly, Midwestern men that got pulled into a life of hunting the Earth’s worst creatures, tapping ass, and drinking beers (while also giving you a play-by-play on how to repress emotions), and there was also A LOT of love buried in the plot. A lot.

The world was a completely different place in 2005. The own creator of the show didn’t expect the show to go past 5 seasons, so when the longevity came they were forced to grow. We watched this show go through a very human process/experience of growth and acceptance and evolution, and we got to grow along side it. Was it always a neat, beautiful process? Hell no. There were a lot of potholes along the way. But, growth isn’t linear. The point is that they (the writers, producers, actors, etc.) kept pushing themselves to grow year after year.

So now, back to Jensen. Jensen has shown this fandom time and time again not only how grateful he is that we adore him and helped him to cultivate a life beyond what he has dreamed of but also that he is attentive and considerate to our feelings/thoughts. Has he disagreed with us at times? Hell yes he has. Has be bluntly stated that “Destiel doesn’t exist.” Hell yes he has. And it’s been hurtful and frustrating and invalidating. But, take a step back for a moment.

Jensen is so connected to Dean. His friends and even his own wife has stated that he sometimes forgets that “he’s not Dean.” Dean has informed so much of who Jensen is for the last 15 years. And Jensen has admittedly seen a lot of himself in Dean. So who was Dean at the beginning of this show? Dean was the guy who made gay jokes, slept with plethoras of woman to fill a void (and also for pleasure), was so out of touch with his feelings because he was too busy being the person his father wanted/needed him to be, and had a very clear idea of what it meant to be a man. That’s the brain Jensen lived in for years while playing Dean. And honestly, it’s been speculated and discussed here, that Jensen’s brain might not have been too far off from that mindset outside of Dean.

But just as we watched the show grow, I truly believe we watched Jensen grow. And we all know Danneel is a big part of that because she is wildly herself and big and fierce, especially about the things she believes in and loves, and she is open-minded and just pushes people to grow. And he has said those things about her. But I also think that a lot of Jensen’s growth came from Misha because as much as Danneel has influenced him over the years, I firmly believe Jensen needed to see/meet/form a relationship with someone like Misha in order to truly/permanently break down those walls about what a man should/could be.

Cockles fans have long dissected and held up microscopes to Jensen and Misha’s relationship, so much so that there are pages and pages of theories about how their love bloomed, their break ups, their tender moments, and the growth of their relationship in general. But one thing that I think Jensen frequently struggled with is this idea that he needed to keep Dean true to who he is as a person, and that any growth and evolution in Jensen’s life (ie his relationship with Misha) couldn’t influence that. All of those moments he was denouncing Destiel seemed to be out of a struggle to keep those two people separate- Jensen vs Dean. Because in Jensen’s head, Dean was still this super straight, rough and tough, Midwestern monster hunter.

But over the years, the Destiel fandom was comforted by Misha’s outspoken love, admiration, and agreement. Misha truly championed this fandom with reckless abandon. But while Misha was comfortable (to a degree) with himself and his relationship with Jensen, we really watched Jensen struggle. We watched Jensen grow.

So, fast forward to the last couple of years. Destiel is subtextually canon- the writers have confirmed this at this point. Jensen is less negative about Destiel at panels insofar as to talk about their “break ups” and “domestic disputes” and “relationship” with a validating tone. Is he fervently talking about Destiel safe words and bondage and having sex/making out? No. But that’s not who Jensen is. He’s much more conservative with his emotions than Misha... at least publicly.

This fandom has watched Jensen grow, not only in his dealings with/approach to Cockles but also with Destiel. So, while Jensen has long been adamant that Dean is not bisexual and couldn’t end up with Cas, I think there was potentially a moment where Misha (and potentially Danneel) were like, “Well, why can’t Dean be bi? Why can’t he finally realize that about himself after years of breaking down barriers and fears and conditioned notions? You did.”

What came first, Cockles or Destiel? That’s been the debate right? The chicken or the egg? I truly think without Cockles coming first, we would have never been able to have Destiel. In fact, in my head, I can make the argument that without Jensen growing and going through the process of falling in love with Misha, Destiel would have never become canon. Jensen needed to first separate himself from Dean (which we are all privy to), grow and fall in love [again] as Jensen, and then give Dean the permission to grow and fall in love too.

As we have seen from this week’s episode, Destiel has been there for years. YEARS. But Dean has always had to deal with two struggles: accepting himself and Jensen accepting him. We heard Jensen say at a panel that when he read the script for the final episode, he had a hard time coming to terms with what happened. People have long speculated that was referring to Destiel. Now, maybe it is and maybe it isn’t (I guess we’ll find out in two weeks), but it would make a lot of sense if it was.

As everyone (the writers, actors, fans, etc.) has validated and acknowledged Destiel and particularly Dean’s love for Cas, Jensen has continued to struggle with it. But I don’t think it’s because Jensen is homophobic or anything like some people are saying. I think it’s because Jensen has worked tirelessly to separate the romantic lives of himself and Dean. Jensen convinced himself that Dean loving Cas and them having a relationship would be out of character, when in reality it followed this pattern of growth that both the show and bi (& LGTQ+) men/individuals around the world followed. Because Jensen is so connected to Dean, he can’t have 2020 vision until it’s hindsight because as Dean was coming out to himself and accepting himself, Jensen was accepting Dean simultaneously. It’s actually a beautiful thing. And it doesn’t make Jensen homophobic... it makes Jensen human.

As many LGBTQ+ people will tell you, the path to realization and acceptance is fraught with struggle (internal and external) and doubt and denial and even self-hatred. There are no two characters that embody that more than Cas and Dean. So, I think that once Jensen realized that he went through a similar process as Dean it wasn’t that crazy anymore that Dean was in love with Cas. And Jensen loving Misha didn’t force Dean to love Cas- Jensen didn’t make Dean bi- Jensen loving Misha gave Dean the permission to love Cas and become one of the most human characters (especially male characters) to ever exist because we got to watch Dean find love and accept love through repression, struggle, self realization, and self acceptance.

And for that, Jensen Ackles will go down in history as one of the best actors of this generation. Because he truly brought life to Dean Winchester.

Thank you for attending my TedTalk. I wanted to be much more thorough with this and include gifs and video evidence, but this is already lengthy and I doubt anyone even made it to the end.

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

Text

X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol)

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol)

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you?

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???)

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic

- ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!!

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha)

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

- remy rogue

🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence

baby u r my

ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it)

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents)

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do

birds of a feather motherfucker

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet)

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha)

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go”

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most.

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage)

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s p r e t t y solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D:

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!!

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all)

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol)

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

#x men evolution #x men #gambit #rogue x gambit #aaah this is like therapy for me... just dumping all my emotions into a tumblr post and then let them go into the ether #I am now wondering if I'm desperate enough to go all the way back to the x-men animated series (which I've never seen before!)#like am I willing to go there for more Contente. time will tell I suppose #happy tag #...this is very long #MAN why can't I channel this dumbass energy into fiction writing I'd get so much DONE

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