#Not having osha being called on my ass

[snuggledupblanketdragon]

HELLO !!! <3

Firstly, did you know you're loved and appreciated? Drink water.

Secondly. Haha! YOU are given a choice: become an immortal villain or become a shortlived hero?

THANK YOU FOR APPRECIATING AND LOVING ME MUAH MUAH MUAH

ok, so first thing: black hooded cloak with removable clasps. Like doctor doom style shit. Maybe with some like, extra fabric to on the hood to look like horns/ears Batman style.

and after I—WHOOSH—whip that cloak off for dramatic effect I will DEFINITELY be wearing a mask, to keep my enemy guessing. :) I’m thinking, like, a white smooth circular faceplate with HUGE black eyeholes and little ear/horn bumps at the top.

oh shit how do I explain the rest UUUUHHH

Think like a red shirt with small shoulder pads, and long baggy blue sleeves and short black gloves. And then a black stripe around the waist, that points down a bit instead of going straight across. And then like vertical sorta stripes with blue going down the middle and purple on the sides, and black boots with a kinda cowboy top.

Like this. And my henchmen would have the workman’s jumpsuit/coverall things that match the design my costume, but have mismatch colors.

Like this.

[fhrlclln]

omg wait acolyte!reader sleeping with Qimir not knowing he’s her master and everytime they hookup, she starts to see him become more dominant and possessive in bed. until one time where he just goes something like, “be a good girl (enter nickname that only her master calls her)” and she just realizes it mid ya know lol. i love you 🙇🏼‍♀️

little star | qimir

SUMMARY -> being with qimir elicited fun and peace away from your duties at hand you do for your master. though, your master might be doing the same when his mask slips in the heat of the moment.

qimir x acolyte!fem! reader

masterlist

GENRE -> nsfw/smut

WARNINGS -> unprotected p in v, doggystyle & outdoor sex

WC -> 1.01k

a/n: filth! HAHAHAH LUV THISSS

likes, comments and reposts are greatly appreciated !! <3

enjoy !!

“qimir…”

it was a spur of the moment as always.

you breathily moan out his name as you grip the bark of the tree whilst he pushes his cock further inside you from behind. the sound of the local insects in the forest are accompanied by the noise of qimir’s groans and your breathy whimpers as he pounds into you with such vigor against a tree. it was amusing to say how you two managed to get riled up in the middle of a serious situation, in a rainforest of all places. you had found him hanging by a tree and it turns out mae had put him in that situation.

“i should-“ you breathily say but pausing as qimir harshly grips your hips making you groan. he was demanding and more dominant this time and it makes your core clench at it. “i should save you more often… if this- ah!- is my reward.”

the snap of his hips to the plump swell of your ass is even more rougher and qimir chuckles behind you. he bites his lips, staring down at how your flesh ripples with each powerful thrust he does.

“i’d take you like this from now on then.” he slaps one soft cheek and you yelp at the sudden sting. you turn your head back to look at him, loving the way he was so different than the first time you two had hooked-up.

it was like any other day that time, he visited the remote planet you and your master resided on, delivering fresh supplies as per your master had requested for him. your master had left for a particular agenda that time as he said to you, leaving you to deal with him. you always had an eye on the dorky accomplice and you knew how he looked at you. the subtle too-friendly touches there and you even managed to flirt with him for fun until both of you seemingly snapped at that very night when the tension was too heavy. to say, you rode him on your bed until he was a blabbering mess underneath you.

but now, he seemed to want the upper hand this very moment and it makes your cunt clench around him tight.

"you like the thought of that, huh?" he chuckles lowly. "you want me to fuck you like this?" he snaps his hips rougher and faster and you couldn't quip back at him but enjoy how his cock is spearing inside you with such intensity.

you only nod your head dumbly as you gripped the tree trunk with all your might to not stumble forward with how hard his thrusts are. qimir bends forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and torso, lifting you up to his chest with his strength and you grip his arms for leverage as he wetly kisses your neck.

"oh, fuckkk-" you mewl out as his cock hits the right spot from this angle. you wonder now, if your master would be displeased with you for having this quick romp when you really need to focus on is finding mae and master kelnacca. you dismiss those thoughts for now, wanting to enjoy your time with qimir. you have to deal with mae after this as she had seemingly betrayed the two of you when the information of her sister osha appeared. the master would be very much displeased.

"right there. don't stop. i'm close!" you begged the man behind you and he shakes his head as he kisses your cheek.

"not yet." he cruelly whispers to your ear as his hand delves down to rub your clit and you whined at him.

"please." you tilt your head back to rest it on his shoulder, you could feel your high coming and the thought of cumming on his cock is getting you near there along with his slow circles he is doing on your clit.

"be a good girl for me." he nips your neck. "be a good girl for me, my little star."

you gasped as his thrusts went faster and your eyes widened at the sudden nickname he had said that your master has always called between the two of you. you couldn't really process it for a moment as you were focused on not letting go but your heart is pounding and your mind is in a disarray on what you should focus on. qimir smirks as he surges to capture your lips in a heated kiss as he mumbles between your lips the sweet words you are waiting for.

"come."

you cry out his name and you thrashed in his arms as your orgasm hits you. he fucks you through it as his thrusts became sloppy, he was nearing his high and you let him use you. you now come to a realization, mae or qimir nor anyone knew of that endearment your master calls you. unless...

"master?" you call out to qimir and he groans loudly as he pushes his hips forward and cums inside you. you feel warm all of the sudden as his cum fills your cunt, you're panicking now as he lets go of you and you stumble forward, catching yourself as you stand straight and turn to qimir.

"took you long enough." he grins and you stay frozen, the dawning realization that you had been fucking with your master. shame trembles in you and you think for a moment that you should flee. qimir smiles at you as he reaches towards your shook figure. you let him touch you and you blink dumbly as his cum drips down your thighs. he stares at that with a hungry glint in his eyes and your core clenches. and you think for a moment if this is a good idea but your master has other plans as his hand goes down to your messy cunt mixed with both of your juices.

"come on, little star. we aren't finished yet." you hold your breath for a moment when he towers over you.

but all your shame is thrown out the window as he kisses you.

[nyaagolor]

How do you rank the prosecutors on order of homophobia

forgot about this in my drafts for literally months oops. Anyway. Finished now!!!!

So I made this post a while ago that has some of the prosecutors and antagonists, but if you want a ranking of EVERY prosecutor (not including DGS bc i haven't finished yet) huzzah!!

Simon Blackquill: Not actually homophobic but he gets points docked for siccing Taka (known homophobe) at Klavier (known bisexual) for stealing his pretzels from the office pantry that one time. 3/10

Blaise Debeste: I think he's gay but he made me look at that ugly ass beard for far too long and I consider that disrespectful. out of principle? 8/10

Sebastian Debeste: Just look at him. 0/10

Miles Edgeworth: Bratworth was simultaneously gay, homophobic, and a misogynist, and eventually develops into a man who is only like 1.5 of those things. he's getting better. 5/10

Byrne Faraday: I don't really think he cares much about gay people he's busy being a single father and stealing shit. For the apathy? 2/10

Klavier Gavin: He's extremely gay and does a lot of work for the gay community but making Ema Skye deal with him is explicitly lesbophobic so 4/10

Godot: He has a lovely wife but whatever he was doing with Ron DeLite was probably not osha-compliant. I don't know what that means for his sexuality or stance on gay people and neither does he. ?/10

Ga'ran: I think she has a lot of other problems she should deal with first but considered she's bigoted to defense attorneys I don't think her being homophobic would be that out of pocket. Not sure I want to find out. 7/10

Neil Marshall: Have you ever been a gay bar? This guy would do NUMBERS. Also, real cowboys support gay rights. 0/10

Gaspen Payne: Being homophobic is actually why he got fired by the prosecutor's office and Winston is really fucking embarrassed about it. 10/10

Winston Payne: You'd think he'd be homophobic but you can't work for the Japanifornia Prosecutor's Office and hate gay people or you would actually go insane. He's like that one suburban guy who uses terms from the 60s but has the spirit. However, his ally lapel pin is really ugly so 3/10

Jaques Portman: He was calling Edgeworth slurs even before realizing he was gay. 9/10

Lana Skye: Dated Mia in college but refused to explain that to Ema because she has a lot of internalized homophobia and other weird issues of self. Repressed yuri personified. 1/10

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi: He supports gay people but gets all his talking points from the internet so even though he's supportive he's also incredibly fucking annoying about it and no one wants to invite him to brunch because of it. Stop using twitter for fact-checking you jackass. 2/10

Franziska Von Karma: Despite the fact that her lesbianism is so strong it borders on misandry, I think she has a lot of internalized homophobia so she spends the first 25 years of her life being a judgmental little shit. She'll get better dw about it. I believe she can bring that number down with time. 6/10

Manfred Von Karma: I think when he finds out Edgeworth is gay he starts going to gay bars and picking up dudes just to show Edgeworth he has way more rizz than him. Considering how people in my notes have told me on numerous occasions how much they want him carnally, I think he could actually pull it off. In that respect I think he's done a lot for the gay community. It ends up cancelling out somewhat because I think he'd be kind of an ass about it. 4/10

[rose-of-red-lake]

Ugh... I saw people on Twitter only caring about the enemies to lovers story in The Acolyte while totally ignoring the problematic things that both the series and Lesyle Headland had just shown. I think I'm gonna be sick 🤢

That's shippers for you. And I say this as a shipper myself: shippers are here to party at the university. They share fandom space next to folks who are trying to study. If you get my meaning.

I need limits on my partying. For that reason, it's really important to my fandom experience to interact with non-shippers. To turn off the shipping lens and just talk about the characters without being horny on main.

I was talking about a show with some friends who turned every relationship on the show into a ship. Can we talk about the scene with two characters having a quiet conversation? Of course not, silly, its a conversation about their suppressed sexual attraction. And every interaction with every character is a ship of some kind. I can entertain that for a while but eventually I'm looking for the exit.

That's why "horny jail" became a thing. A self-deprecating way to deal with embarrassing stuff in fandoms without shipper shame. It's great for people like me who don't always want to hear it. I think it works well on Discord. On Twitter, not so much.

I am probably a buzzkill in shipping fandoms because I don't ship villains/hero ships, enemies to lovers, or Sith ships. Mainly because I think someone has to earn the status of villain--just like they have to earn the status of hero. And to do that, I'm more satisfied when the shippers are pissed. When the enemy or villain is terrifying to the love interest without limits. Meaning the Disney version of the Beast would kill Belle, like Anakin strangled Padme. I've seen a lot of "Anakin was hot when he went bad" but was the Force choke hot? Lol no. George shut down the party because it needed to stop for narrative and character reasons. And the film was better for it.

So to my mind Qimir should eventually be killing Osha without remorse or vice versa. Otherwise they both just get wishy-washy fic-style of writing, i.e. "he's mean to everyone but the love interest." And of course she would never break it off, either. 🙄

There are a few exceptions for me with villain shipping. Better Call Saul, where Jimmy and Kim became so harmful to other people from their grifting, that Kim broke it off permanently. Jimmy confessed and willingly gave up his freedom to go to prison for her. I liked him in prison and her visiting him. He decided not to be power hungry like Walter White because he wasn't willing to destroy all of his relationships.

And an Obidala fic where Obi-Wan grew up under the Empire, was trained as a Sith, and fell in love with Sith!Padme. And guess what? She killed his ass to get power because that's what Sith fuckin do! LOL

So no...I don't like these vanilla soft serve villains or their ships. I want villains to earn the status of villain. To me that's more important than pleasing the shippers, who are just going to party no matter the canon.

[quohotos]

Okay so there are some things I really miss about reddit...

You don't really miss it until it's gone, but (at least using a third party app) it was really easy and immediate to control exactly what you saw. The process of blocking a tag on tumblr is a little bit clunky. I have to go into a sub menu in the settings and then type out the tag I can't just right click and filter it out.

It's really difficult to modulate how much horny content you want to engage with here. I don't think reddit users were any more or less horny than tumblr users, I just think it was easier to keep the separated. Obviously everyone's experience is different, but it was really easy to feel out the tone of a community and sort them into categories of horny and not horny. When something was a little risque or inappropriate it was very easy for the poster or moderator to mark it as such. I felt safe browsing reddit on my laptop in class because I knew that as long as I didn't click on anything marked as such I wasn't gonna get any weird looks from the person behind me. I'm not trying to be puritanical about the morality of horny content or anything like that, I just liked being able to very clearly chose how much of it I wanted to engage with. If I wanted to seek it out, it was easy to find, but it wouldn't come to me when I wasn't asking for it. Maybe with time and experience I'll figure out how to do that here, but it's still something I miss.

The third party app that I used didn't render profile pictures. I thought it was pretty neat to not have much of an identity. Idk, I'm a shy jealous person and seeing all these pretty talented people is very intimidating. I didn't mind being a nobody when it felt like everyone else was a nobody.

I do not know where to find the good memes here. I'm sure they exist, but I don't know where they are. There were just some amazing injoke shitpost subs that I really vibed with and I haven't found out an equivalent here.

I thought of some more things so I've edited them in

I miss having an easy distinction between NSFW blur and spoiler blur. It made discussing media so much safer, I felt like I could participate in am evolving discussion without risking ruining the surprises. You could also use it creatively for memes, like making osha violations be tagged as NSFW and blurred so you'd click on it expecting to see some ass but instead it's like dude standing on a swivel chair.

Putting tags (well, they were called flairs, and you could only have one) up front on a post was so nice. When talking about a show I could immediately see what seasons were being discussed before even reading the title. It could also serve as a hint about what was actually behind a spoiler/NSFW blur. The tags on tumblr are so much fun, and are very versetile but I feel like they're an addendum to the actual post content, whereas reddit flairs were a heads up.

On the whole though, people have been nice and helpful here, and I'm really grateful for that. Hopefully I'll learn to adapt and feel as at home here as I was there... but man I just keep staring at my dash and thinking "you're not my real dad".

[stonegoldsxcrxt]

Okay so I honestly haven’t been active on tumblr in forever. But if I’m ever thinking of star wars, I like to take a peek at your blog because I feel like you are one of the few who loves Luke as much as I do. But what I want rn is to give my two cents on this whole acolyte thing. And I hope you don’t think I am trying to come at/attack you or anything of the sort. This is just my (somewhat complicated?) take on things. Sorry if this gets super long. I have many thoughts. And I hope I don’t confuse at all while trying to explain! Unfortunately, I’m not very eloquent lol. Anyway:

Personally? I’m kinda intrigued by the Osha/Qimir dynamic. And this is coming from someone who honestly severely disliked the sequels—especially kylo and reylo (but a lot of it was due to fandom bs as well). I mean, I’ll admit some of it is due to my own bias because this time around I’m glad both of the actors are hot and they are both absolutely acting their asses off. And maybe there hasn’t been enough for you in the show (I get it tbh, the episodes are short and there’s only so much you can do with 8 episodes and this is honestly a problem with D+ and a lot of streaming services now), but I can see what Leslye was aiming for with the dynamic. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is one of my fave movies so I definitely see the influence. But Headland did also point out that a lot of enemies to lovers is about one character going “I know there’s good in you!” or what the hell ever—and Osha didn’t do that. That’s something I can appreciate whereas in TLJ it seemed like Rey was all about freaking Kylo and was convinced there was still good in him even though the literal day before he had nearly killed both her and Finn.

I do disagree about there being no manipulation, though. Qimir IS being honest and vulnerable, but clearly he hopes to gain something with Osha from that. But whereas I didn’t buy any of it with Rey and Kylo, I can see how and why Osha might fall to the dark side. She is clearly conflicted about everything from her emotions to her very own identity. But Qimir is offering her a sense of clarity about that AND on her past. Osha loves and admires Sol deeply of course, but he has obviously been keeping something huge from her. And if it turns out he was majorly involved with whatever happened to her coven, it makes sense that Osha would then embrace whatever negative emotions that are brewing within her (even if Sol was slightly less involved the fact that he knew and never told her should rightfully make her angry). It will obviously destroy whatever faith she had left in the Jedi, but imo she might begin to question how it makes the Jedi any different from Qimir.

And now that I’ve explained that, I also wanted to say how I felt about some of the discourse. Fandom feuds are always annoying, but now that I’m essentially on the other side...? I’ve gotta say I am low-key offended and high-key pissed over it. I mean, if ppl don’t like Qimir or the relationship between him and Osha—fine. But I’ve seen some absolutely disgusting comments over this. Like someone on twitter (who ss a post of yours too) who was calling Leslye Headland’s lesbianism into question. Like idc if you don’t like the ship but there is literally no need for discussing her sexuality like that just because she likes a problematic ship you hate (which she literally created so idk what ppl expected anyways)!!! And then there are the “fans” (I use that term lightly) insulting Manny Jacinto’s looks (which is ridiculous cause the man is hot idgaf). And I honestly think that shit is hypocritical af since a lot of these ppl are fans who were rightfully upset at reylo/kylo stans for saying similar disgusting things about actual people.

I like quite a few villains in multiple fandoms, so to me it seems like the same ridiculous arguments. There’s nothing wrong with liking a fictional character who happens to be a villain. As long as no one’s trying to make excuses for their heinous actions (jokes are another thing) I don’t think it matters. It’s literally not that deep imo. And liking said problematic characters does not have anything to do with people’s real life morals. That’s just bullshit.

And again, it’s actually INCREDIBLY fucking hypocritical, ESPECIALLY coming from star wars fans who have been sexualizing villains like Darth Maul, Thrawn, and a young freaking Darth Vader for YEARS. But now it’s a problem with Qimir????? Not to mention the romanticization of other literal problematic ships like anidala or reylo. And I’ll be honest—as a Filipina????? I do feel like some of this is racially motivated because literally WHAT is the difference with Qimir and Osha/Qimir versus all of these other characters and ships?????? I think that’s what gets me heated is the hypocrisy of it all. And of course the fact that it’s all fictional anyway so I don’t know why it should fucking matter to some people if fans like a character or ship that they don’t.

Anyways...I think this is essentially all of my thoughts on the matter. Again, I hope I didn’t come across as rude or like I was attacking you. Like I said, it IS a bit complicated for me. Because as someone who hardly liked anything from the sequels, I was definitely cringing at the multiple mentions of reylo and kylo in Leslye’s recent interview. And yet....I see the vision.

hey!! so, there's a lot here and I do actually want to talk about all of it! I really appreciate you approaching this with nuance and being open to have a conversation. I'm gonna number my responses just so I know I covered everything I wanted to talk about and everything you mentioned.

One: I don't think there's anything wrong with being intrigued by a character dynamic like Osha and Qimir's, in fact I actually do find it very interesting from a psychological standpoint myself. I also don't think there's anything wrong with depicting a character dynamic like Osha and Qimir's, with one caveat, which is that you have to recognize it for what it is. I truly would LOVE star wars to approach it with the angle of "hey, this is how people can weaponize your own emotions against you, especially how a man may try (and even succeed) in manipulating a woman this way," and particularly what that looks like with the Force, because a LOT of Jedi and Sith principles are based around the acceptance (or aggravation!) of emotions. I think that's a totally interesting plot line that would actually be super fascinating to see. I also find it believable that Osha could, theoretically, be convinced by Qimir and turn (in fact I think your entire third paragraph is a very valid interpretation of what has happened so far). It's not that I don't think these are fascinating possibilities to explore. It's not that I don't think Osha joining the dark side is out of the question or even unreasonable, whatever the reason.

In fact, pre-interview, almost all of my criticism was pointed at the way the fandom immediately jumps to believing everything Qimir is saying without thinking critically about how he could be lying to Osha to get her to act the way that he wants her to. This comes from an intense place of frustration dealing with fandom in general who excuse the violent actions of men towards women (which is the reason why that one post doesn't actually even name Qimir or Osha, even though I did tag their names, since it applies to like a half dozen ships I can think of off the top of my head). In fact, I praised the writing of the acolyte in my breakdown post, assuming that Headland was purposefully creating all the cunning ways Qimir talks to Osha and all the tactics he appears to be using to manipulate her, and that this would be plot relevant. Whether Osha realized she was being manipulated and snapped out of it, or whether she never realized it, and fell to the dark side, and what that would mean for her, etc.

However, post-interview, things are different. No more am I simply dealing with a fandom that is willfully misinterpreting a toxic relationship as romantic, I am now dealing with the showrunner herself saying lots of things that disturb me. I can give her credit for not pulling the "there's good in him" card, but that's about as good as I can do. Headland may say that she does not intend the relationship to be manipulative, that she intends for Osha and Qimir to be equals, but if what she has presented to us onscreen does not read that way, then she has failed to accurately convey her message as the showrunner. You and I agree that Qimir is manipulating Osha, yet Headland says the opposite. I now have a showrunner for Star Wars, a massive franchise viewed by thousands, giving interviews saying that there is nothing wrong with this man's relationship with this young woman, but continuing to show the opposite. She can't have it both ways. The statement "Osha and Qimir are equals," is simply so far removed from the reality of what Headland has presented Qimir to be (a conniving man who is strong enough in the Force to eliminate a dozen Jedi at a time, and is so callus that he calls a girl an "it" after he's murdered her) that it's such an unbelievable statement I actually can't even believe people are buying it. I'm not saying that to be mean; what makes Qimir and Osha equals? Genuinely? That he cooks soup sometimes? That he disrobed in front of her? What about this relationship is equal?

Here's my bottom line when it comes to this discourse: I am sick of seeing young women getting treated like shit by men, and it getting romanticized as hot and desirable instead of what it is. I am sick of it whether the fandom does it, I am sick of it whether the showrunner does it, I am sick of it whether people in real life or in fiction do it, and I am allowed to feel that way.

Two: I won't be insulting Manny Jacinto in any capacity. He's doing a good job as an actor. I have acknowledged in past posts that he is obviously an attractive man.

If you think Qimir is hot, please, by all means, feel free to sexualize him in the manner that others sexualize Thrawn or Maul or anyone else. I'm an advocate of self insert fanfiction and of course (within reason), would find nothing wrong with that.

I am generally not a villain-lover, but there is nothing wrong with finding villains attractive or compelling! I haven't said there is. I have said that there's a problem within fandom and now literally within the media itself, with recognizing when a young woman is being mistreated by someone, sometimes because a lot of you are far more lenient on attractive men. The reylo fandom took this about twenty steps too far from 2015-2019 to the point where if you ask some of them, they still don't think Kylo even WAS the villain, and Headland is rapidly encouraging fans to take that angle with Qimir though I have given evidence to the contrary in spades.

There is a lot to be said about whether or not fiction affects reality. I believe it does, but I obviously do not believe that liking an evil character makes you evil. That being said, while not all fiction has a moral, all fiction has a theme, and you as the audience do take lessons from themes, whether you realize it or not; it sticks with you and may help you form your opinion on a similar set of circumstances you may come face-to-face with later. Fiction affects our feelings on a situation. A disturbing theme I'm seeing a LOT of in Star Wars lately is men being cruel to women in one way or another and the women finding it attractive and acceptable. Of course, depiction is not automatically endorsement... until we have now literally seen this type of relationship fully endorsed by Lucasfilm showrunners and directors twice in a row. Tweens and teenage girls *will* watch the sequel trilogy and the acolyte... what are they taking away from it? From what the director or showrunner has said about it? Honestly, this is much less about fandom to me now, and more about how official creators are treating these dynamics.

Three and finally and most important: I'm sorry that you've been seeing things like that being said about Headland, I think that's bizarre, rude, and uncalled for. I often do not go looking in fandom spaces anymore so I have not seen this, but that doesn't mean it's not out there. I generally do not trust Headland's creative input anymore, nor do I necessarily even like her, HOWEVER, I have not and will not make any such comment on her sexuality as it has nothing to do with any of this. I don't know which post of mine they screenshot, and I'd like more information actually, if they are using my post to say I think those things too, but regardless, I would not say this about her, or about anyone, and I don't condone it.

This is absolutely not racially motivated from me and I want to make that absolutely clear. I have been vehemently anti-reylo since the day I learned it existed, so I hope that you do not feel as though I am speaking out against the way that the Osha and Qimir storyline has been handled out of such a place, and I would never want anything to come across that way in any of my analysis or critiques. You will find I usually have less to say about anidala, seeing as the majority of the fandom does not depict Anakin as "doing nothing wrong" in that relationship, nor does the source material, so I feel I do not have to explain as much as I do with reylo and now Osha/Qimir. I want to make that absolutely clear that this type of relationship being presented in this type of way is a huge red flag for me regardless of the races of the characters involved. If you refer to the fandom at large, I don't want to invalidate your experiences, and don't know what other people are saying or what their reasons are. Unfortunately the acolyte fandom has been riddled with homophobia and racism since before the first episode even aired, and I want to make it clear that I think all of that is entirely unacceptable and that my critiques have nothing to do with either of those hateful ideologies.

[dreamland-creations]

Anyways i got a hello puppets oc idea

I came up with her when I was researching OSHA violations in hello puppets.

I don't have a name for her but my classmate said I could temporarily just call her Dr. Schmidt or something.

Schmidt is such a german ass name I don't have the words for it

The general idea for her backstory was basically that Owen wanted to make fun of Rachel without getting in trouble. So he made a puppet that resembled her somewhat but not nearly enough to realize that it is a caricature of her. For example Rachel seems like she would threaten Owen with the involvement of the(partly my headcanon) HR (human resources) "Dr. Schmidt" is part of the HSR (health and safety representative)

Mortimer(or some other puppet idc) brought her to life to have someone make sure the entire place doesn't collapse due to the other puppets BS. Little problem she doesn't listen to Mortimer but rather only to the rules of the OSHA codes and Geneva conventions. She is somewhat of an mercenary so you can bribe her to forget the rules for a bit but she doesn't have a problem to throw other puppets, no matter if sock, Handeemen etc, under the bus.

If she was in the game she probably would occasionally appear as a "support" puppet in the later levels, she doesn't kill you or anything but rather forces you to bring the item you currently have in your hand immediately back to the original position, if you refuse she just brings you to the actual Handeeman so you can still have a chance to escape. That ofc pisses the others of that she doesn't just kill you but her only excuse is "the mutilating of bodies and spreading of bloodborne pathogens seems to fall more under your job description, I would advise you to agree [last name]

Also she refers to everyone by their last name, not because she respects them or anything but because she isn't awar eof the existence of first names due to the fact she herself doesn't have one.

Also! She forces Riley to abide by the lab safety protocol and always throws a pair of safety goggles at her face, and hates it that SHE NEVER FUCKING CLOSES HER LABCOAT COMPLETELY

regarding nick she is just generally mean to him, not much more than the others just regular mean, she also always confiscates his stuff since he always forgets to close toxic paints after using them and sometimes she confiscates his makeup with the excuse "because I said so. Quiet now"

Schmidt always makes daisy check her smoke detectors 4x a day and is this 🤏 close to set her off into danger mode.

It takes every fiber of her being and shut up to not talk and say something about Mortimer (when he is near) cause surprisingly her life is more important to her than bitching about something.

She has a few catchphrases I guess?? But they are just stuff like:

"proper safety measures avoid injuries and lawsuits!"

"Geneva gave us a checklist boys and it's our job to make sure we are thorough"

"the reason I have a PhD (in toxicology) and not you ruckus is because I'm not completly incompetent."

"you are the kind of person No-one could ever forget"

"luckily you really are a failure""you are not pretty enough to be this stupid"

"sometimes im not sure if I should send you to a therapist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist or straight into the mental institution"

[incoherentmuses]

it is once again Time For OSHA posting because no-one can stop me. i have so many stories from The Shattering it’s frankly ridiculous, so here’s another, from early in the campaign, an event the players christened:

Reverse Vore-ing The Purple Worm

picture it. you’ve sent your players into a Cool Underground Dwarven Complex. It’s half mines of moria and half strip mall. one of the dwarven ladies has taken to hero-worshipping the paladin, and you’ve successfully stripped the party of a significant amount of their funds via shitpost magic items in the giftshop.

(those cheap ass stones of farspeech became integral to the game and it was my own fault so now they can send gifs and get drunk texts from their IC wives so this is the life i live)

however, Plot Must Be Found, but before the dwarves will be of any help, they want the party to do something for them. part of the lower levels of the complex—Dul Kidrak, by the way, one of the cooler names I’ve invented over the years—is infested with goblins. please could the PC’s clear them out so the dwarves can get on with some rebuilding?

sure! goblins, schmoblins, this is zero problem for the budding OSHA guild, at this time iirc a whopping level 3. maybe four. it’s been a minute, and i levelled them too fast in campaign one. mistakes were made.

they venture down to the lower levels, and quickly find themselves embroiled in combat with a collection of goblins. they are, naturally, stunningly overpowered already and chew through them at speed. however, i was prepared for this and had outfitted the goblins with a secret weapon: a reduced-threat purple worm. partially because the monk has Purple Worm Trauma in his backstory, and partly because the idea of a goblin having a pet baby purple worm was very appealing.

so the worm shows up and the party go ‘hm, well, that’s a problem.’ but dnd parties are nothing if not Improbable Solution Factories, and so a Solution they did find. the solution first involved Draghull getting partially eaten by the worm so. you know. strong start.

was this on purpose? it’s been a few years, i can’t remember. knowing OSHA, probably it was. at any rate, the paladin being eaten is something of an issue, but never fear, Owyn is here!

‘i cast enlarge on Draghull’ says Owyn, proceeding to turn the gold dragonborn paladin into Baby Godzilla.

said Pacific Rim knockoff then proceeds to hack and slash his way through the purple worm from the inside out, eventually emerging from its tail like the worlds shiniest chestburster, covered in goo and screaming.

this kills the purple worm. naturally.

success all around, the dwarves are happy (the goblins less so) and the PCs get the help they want.

‘but muses!’ i hear you cry ‘none of that was vore at all! i am sorely disappointed by the lack of eating-based fetish in this overwrought dungeons and dragons story!’

now here is where you’re wrong, i reply, taking your face gently in my hands. there was vore. Draghull got eaten. and then he came out of the worm, instead of being digested by it, and because my players are my players, this phenomenon is called Reverse Vore and it is a firmly enshrined, Patented OSHA Tactic™ that they will use given half a chance.

so go ahead and take that one to your table. Reverse Vore your way out of anything your DM has eat you—they’ll thank you for it, i promise.

(once again tagging @controlledchaosetc and @itusebastian, lmk if you wanna be untagged, and anyone else who wants OSHA updates, lmk if you want to be tagged for them!)

[justanotherfanfolks]

Twisted Wonderland Main Story Scattered Thoughts (Prologue Chapter 3-5)

Sad boi bgm is playing! Feeling bad for Grim, he's experiencing the disrespect. Riddle is team cat for Grim. Azul… stop being weird. This dude has clearly been trying to strike a deal with Riddle for a while. Yuu’s calling Grim an it! Yuu, don’t be rude! CROWLEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPARED FROM BEING SERVED AS DINNER! Grim probably took a lot of disrespect before. I’m imagining the student body just being the monkey puppet meme after watching that. NOOO MALLEUS! I remember him wondering why everyone was in their ceremonial robes in the vignettes, but he never cracked the case! One day he’ll wear those robes in public. “Maybe you should have told him yourself” no but it hurts more because they literally spoke to each other earlier that day, but Kalim didn’t realize he didn’t know! What do you mean you don’t know him too well either Kalim, don’t lie to me I read your ceremonial robes, I know you had a conversation! The NPCs are talking! LILIA! LILIA! PEEPAW! Boy with deep voice, lol. … So Lilia knew there was an orientation? And he didn’t tell him? Did he break his phone again? Someone needs to make a bulletin board just for Malleus, the man doesn’t understand email! Azul’s apologizing profusely, he wants those Diasomnia points. Riddle’s just like, eh. Actually, did we ever find out where Malleus went during the ceremony? No one found him until he showed up at the dorm, and they absolutely must have checked there. “I’m afraid that you will not be attending Night Raven College after all” Yuu: I was dragged here against my will, so… Wait, is that the BGM from the overblot reflection scenes?! I LOVE THAT BGM! WHAT’S IT DOING HERE! Ugh, I love TWST music! “Take this person back from where they came!” DM: lol, I don’t know where that is. Crowley’s having a crisis over here. DM’s just shrugging as a disembodied face. Library time!

Yuu is an extraterrestrial confirmed! Or from another dimension, yeah you right Crowley. Would you be more shocked to travel planets or dimensions? Shoe? Yuu, you have shoes, right? Yuu: my wallet! MY PHONE! POV: the portal that let you travel between dimensions robbed you. Crowley’s stuck with a magicless broke teen. RAMSHACKLE! No, but this dude really stuck Yuu into a probably haunted building that is falling apart, headmaster of the year. And will you be cleaning it, Crowley? We will investiage other ways to send you home my butt, you’ve been sitting on your ass for 7 books straight! (please excuse my language) A model educator, sir you don’t teach anything. Well, at least I get to see our beloved Ramshackle Dorm!

…I forgot how bad this place looked at first, THE OSHA VIOLATIONS!(I know OSHA is for working conditions, but still) Lawsuits, lawsuits everywhere. “This is too much character, if you ask me” I love a sassy Yuu. Wow. It looks… okay… I’m going to do more research he says, LIAR! Yuu’s about to become one with the dust. IT’S RAINING! We just got here, and it’s already raining. Oh, it actually looks better with the lights on! GRIM! “Like a bat that got blasted by a water gun.” Grim, you say like you’ve seen it before. Sir, did- did you blast a bat with a water gun? Don’t tell Lilia that. Honestly, it doesn’t seem that hard to sneak in, I don’t think there’s magic on the fence. Yuu can call for guards, I don’t even remember seeing guards, where did that idea come from? I wonder how Grim got here in the first place. Did he jump a carriage? Did he do that plane/boat thing Idia and Lilia mentioned when discussing getting to the island? GRIM’S EAR FIRE CAN GO OUT?! Grim, don’t be magic…ist? Useless? At least Yuu can meet people on eye level. But Grim, you benefit from fixing the holes in the roof. Why do you need payment. I’m convinced homeboy can’t actually do it. Oh, hello strange noises- THE GHOSTS! They’ve always given me Lonesome Ghosts vibes. I forgot what their voices sound like. I’ve been playing too many voiceless events and vignettes, I can’t remember what people sound like that aren’t the core 23. I love how they are ??? when later on they are Ghost A/B/C. Nah, that is absolutely a death threat, run Yuu, RUN! Grim, no fire in the dorm, there are already leaks! Grim, open your eyes to aim! Yuu knows how to bribe. The ghosts coming in with that perspective shot. Oh, time for that legendary Ramshackle Duo teamwork! This is what I imagine they do during Overblot fights. Twistune! A true bop, this song! AHHH, I’m not used to doing the ghost vignette so SLOW, it’s been 84 years since I did it on easy mode! I’m just imagining when Grim gets cocky, Yuu is just standing there arms crossed watching the ghost about to spook him and just letting it happen.

[imstraight]

well ig since i walked out i can spill the real tea at my last job

extreme racism

extreme sexism/misogyny

extreme homophobia/transphobia (a supervisor targeted this trans girl who was so sweet)

sexual harassment on a daily basis. i reported it often and was laughed at. didnt really help that the worst of it was coming from managers/supervisors. so many incidents including getting groped by an 80 something year old dishwasher over the summer

cut hours with a promise we’d be back to full time (never happened the salaried bitches got a 1k bonus for sending 20 people home daily) none of us were approved for partial unemployment and couldn’t eat or pay bills

dishwashers got paid meals. cooks did not. we were threatened with termination if we ate uhhh it was called stealing. but we got a free shift beer which no normal person took! we were hungry and most people weren’t even 21

call out sick? no that’s a write up. you were expected to come in still and have a manager send you home. (this is why i walked out i just came back after 2 viral infections that almost killed me and my dr sent a note and i had medical paperwork as proof) any absence would be held over your head including covid, not coming in during a travel ban, etc…

begged for a raise. i did not get a raise. i was the only person with a soup talent. i can make a mean soup. i was told “i didn’t give enough back to the company”

do you care about your family? not allowed. your life was supposed to be just work

13 hour shifts at times no recognition no nothing

phones were not allowed to be even in your pocket (new rule riiight before i left) scary shit bc i watched my friend have an extreme family emergency and i had to step in and take her home

managers got fired for sexual harassment ONLY if they were caught with multiple minors. no adult accusations were believed

sick time that you would get in trouble for using

filthy work environment

expired ass moldy food

someone sent out a blade in salsa a customer actually found it idk how we weren’t shut down and no he didn’t get in trouble he just blamed someone else

food was sent out either overcooked or extremely undercooked

gas leak (i almost got fired for calling osha over the summer cause everyone was getting sick anyways it was still a problem when i left)

we had a fire one day on a GAS STOVE and my coworker was screamed at for grabbing a fire extinguisher. it was rusty and he couldn’t pull the pin. they got it out with corn starch 😺

drinking on the job (im not a buzzkill but it was extreme and these people would drive home hammered)

you want a raise? you have to fuck a higher up for that. this girl was fucking a supervisor and they got caught on the property multiple times. she got a raise. a girl who busted her ass working did not get a raise and she quit after she found out (she was very nice)

need flexibility because you have personal obligations? no you’re not giving enough back to the company

unpaid vacation that rarely got approved. over the summer i needed 2 days off for getting my college shit set up and my bf’s bday. i let this manager know over 5 times with notice. eventually i was tired of being ignored and went around her and sent a mass email to everyone else reminding them i would not be there. it was not a request i was NOT going to be there. they didnt like that too much

managers would regularly come in 30+ mins late. i had to step in and get shit set up for the day write out lists and get a good idea of what we had stocked (which was not my job)

FAVORITISM if you were a white man you were golden. all minorities were treated like absolute shit

good employees were threatened with termination over everything. they did not need a reason to fire you. they just did

harassment in general i almost got into full on fist fights trying to defend myself after people came at me

hr cared about the company. owners cared about the company. management cared about the company. they did not give a fuck about employees at all

no one had manners this bitch almost knocked me out with a door she dropped a box on my head. she never said “behind, sharp” yk all the common kitchen etiquette. i was advised by a manager to stab her?

benefits? nonexistent. i did get covid relief for 40hrs which they didn’t want anyone to know about. i told everyone (we were encouraged to come in with covid just wear masks)

annoying ass rude ass people that wanted to mansplain everything even if they were in different departments LOL. i cussed out people on a daily basis. it got to the point grown ass men were afraid of me because they didn’t expect me to fight back

good workers were threatened the shitty ones were promoted

and much more!

honestly fuck that place with everything in me. i have been debating on blowing them in for labor laws and sooo much illegal shit. they would get shut down for many incidents i didn’t get into

[talagalaxies]

rewatching ep6!

so qimir didn't heal her wound 100%. at least 70%? because he has to bondage her wound, after all.

the bed which osha lays looks sooo comfortable. the fact qimir give up his bed to her, and lays on a makeshift bed filled with thin blankets over the course cave ground is peek chivalry.

DOES THAT SOUP HAS A LOT OF GARLIC? AND TOO MUCH WATER? even my filipino ass can't stand this. if i haven't know better, that's the blandest tinola i've ever seen.

idk man but the fact qimir kept some of mae clothings for osha to dress really shows he cares for mae to the point providing her clothes

i know leslye and the editor are giggling for labelling the ach-to like planet as "unknown planet"

i know the comms being jammed is an excuse for sol and mae to talk to each other. i wish it was longer tho

sol's quivering face and grief, lee jung jae the actor you are!

"[The stranger] takes me to a place I--" sol wdym by that? takes you to where? to the dark side? because it's clearly working, for qimir keeps taunting sol to break his jedi reverie

i know mae decided not to kill sol when he said he'll tell the high council about everything. that's what she wanted, wasn't she? to have the jedi perpetrators face their mistake, own it, tell the truth so that the justice must be "serve"

i know mae is weirded tf out when sol said "that man corrupted your sister" like bitch she didn't consider herself as "corrupt". perhaps she doesn't know what the light and dark side is because her coven days doesn't teach her that. the only knowledge she has on that matter is that "jedi bad" from her beliefs + her master.

is it me or does osha take a breath when looking at qimir's scar for the first time? she's indeed curious that she asked him about it later on.

qimir being weirded tf out that osha asked about sol's wellbeing first than mae. he def knows why but the fact osha thinks of sol as her family than mae HURTS. A. LOT. LIKE. FUCK. qimir could've told her what happened on brendok fully but the fact he didn't says a lot. he's all like "girl your anger about what happened on brendok is directed at the wrong person"

i love that each planet has its own music. khofar having this whimsical fantasy music, unknown planet having this violin medieval-ish music.

osha walking like the rock is lava lmao

even though qimir is honest and gentle to osha, there are some of his words that's 100% projection on his part. "the jedi threw you away" no it's emphasized that osha left the jedi on her own, the jedi takes no part of it. he just said that because a jedi threw him away. his sayings about loving a jedi is one-sided is correct, but he's wrong that this applies to sol and osha. sol loves osha to an obsessive and fatherly degree, and osha loves him as her father figure. it's never one-sided with them. so it seemed that qimir loves his jedi master but this jedi master just threw him away. like ben and luke

in other words, qimir assumed that all jedi are the same because of his experience with them.

indeed, why doesn't osha reconnect to the force after leaving the order? i know that "not practicing the force for a long time" is bullshit because having the force is not skill. was it because she choose not to? or because she's unsure of her life's direction that the force not connecting with her is a metaphor of that?

there's something so so vulnerable when qimir said his "i lost everything osha" monologue. he's not bullshitting here, he's telling her his heartfelt experience to her. with that, i wonder if that's why he takes mae as his student. after all, she lost everything.

it's very interesting that qimir never mentioned anything dark side related. the closest thing we got is him saying "semantics." he thinks strong emotions like anger is natural way of the force, that is mustn't be shameful to experience. yep, he's the type of dude of calls the jedi and sith code "bullshit" and wants to forge another path on his own.

sol saying that how can't he sense qimir's real intentions, then mae at the back looks like "yeah bitch me too tf." google search say that sith lords mask their dark side abilities from the jedi. so no doubt that qimir does this. also, this is because the jedi become to arrogant to notice the signs of dark siders nearby. plus, this will add more on why the jedi didn't detech palpatine on the prequels!

wdym osha just started eating the soup when it's nighttime already? it'll be gone cold! unless she picked from the boiling pot.

so qimir lift some parts of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face right? and it shows his lower back, right? i tried to do the same thing and i kid you not, IT'S NOT HIGH ENOUGH TO EVEN SHOW MY BACK. so you just really flex ur back huh? qimir?

hmmm him yeeting mae out because "she doesn't want what i want" to him letting osha have the free choice to leave him, kill him, even take his mask. so, he's indeed changing tactics because not just mae's a *mistake* to him, his way of teaching is a failure too.

sol is really really CREEPY on the mae being restrain part. his "i will?" bruh not even qimir is that creepy

hmm so rayencourt is indeed the jedi's political enemy. read a fic in which he and plagueis in disguise are cahoots with each other. won't be surprised if that's the direction s2 will go.

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

i did a really dumb thing because im feeling SOOOO much better than how weak i’ve been... so i might’ve drank an unseemly amount of caffeine (my skeleton is vibrating) but booooooy am i ever getting writing done xD

this rhackothy fic is going to definitely be at least three chapters (figuring out if its gonna be longer than that rn... idk but i am getting... wordy halp xD), i’m juuuuust about done with a star wars fic im trying to get finished before the new movie, aaaaand i only work two freakin days again this week so we should be gettin CONTENT :D

[jackoshadows]

No, but all this "Arya is naturally violent' is doubly hilarious coming from the same folks who think that Sansa is going to speak politely and thank everyone and sing songs and become leader of the North!

The North is a violent and brutal place. We are introduced to it with Ned making his 7 year old son watch a beheading and Jon Snow warning Bran to not look away from a man getting his head cut off...

“And don’t look away. Father will know if you do.”

Bran kept his pony well in hand, and did not look away. - Bran, AGoT

Ned then wants his 3 year old toddler to play with a direwolf because winter is coming...

“Is he afraid?” Ned asked.

“A little,” she admitted. “He is only three.”

Ned frowned. “He must learn to face his fears. He will not be three forever. And winter is coming.”

“Yes,” Catelyn agreed. The words gave her a chill, as they always did. - Catelyn, AGoT

Jon Snow gifted his nine year old, much loved, little sister a sword as a going away present! This is a world where ten year olds have been Lord commander of the wall.

The Mountain clan chiefs pay Jon Snow a visit and are only reassured when he promises to behead his child hostages if the Freefolk step out of line. Ned Stark took Theon Greyjoy as a child hostage. Jorah Mormont fled Westeros in fear of Ned Stark's punishment for being a slaver.

The Mountain clans with Stannis are not bothered that he is making human sacrifices to the Lord of Light - they just think that he is making human sacrifices to the wrong God and that the sacrifices should have been made to the Old Gods instead.

This is Big Bucket Wull:

Winter is almost upon us, boy. And winter is death. I would sooner my men die fighting for the Ned’s little girl than alone and hungry in the snow, weeping tears that freeze upon their cheeks. No one sings songs of men who die like that. As for me, I am old. This will be my last winter. Let me bathe in Bolton blood before I die. I want to feel it spatter across my face when my axe bites deep into a Bolton skull. I want to lick it off my lips and die with the taste of it on my tongue.

“Aye!” shouted Morgan Liddle. “Blood and battle!”

We are seeing the comeback of direwolves, wargs, skinchangers and greenseers. Bran is warging Hodor and probably eating Jojen paste, Jon is going to spend time in a wolf, Arya is going to be leading Nymeria and her wolf pack, wild child Rickon grew up with Osha on cannibal island and shaggydog is eating unicorns. They are all bad-ass wargs and have bad-ass Wolf Dreams. Jon, Arya and Bran are all central, important characters in the series and they have all engaged in morally grey acts.

Ghost, Nymeria, Shaggydog and Summer will come back in a big way and play important roles - as stated by GRRM again and again in interviews. The Stark-Direwolf bond is very important.

"I heard the same thing from my cousin, and she's not the sort to lie," an old woman said. "She says there's this great pack, hundreds of them, mankillers. The one that leads them is a she-wolf, a bitch from the seventh hell." - Arya, ACoK

GRRM mentioning hanging Chekov's wolfpack on the wall to use it in the future.

Plus,

Speaking of which: Martin leaves a little note for the producers when writing about Ramsay’s flesh-eating hounds, whom we see hunting down a girl for sport.

[N.B. A note for future reference. A season or two down the line Ramsay’s pack of wolfhounds are going to be sent against the Stark direwolves, so we should build up the dogs as much as possible in this and subsequent episodes.] - Script notes

And this is what happens if Northern houses refuses to fight for their leige lords:

And when Lord Umber, who was called the Greatjon by his men and stood as tall as Hodor and twice as wide, threatened to take his forces home if he was placed behind the Hornwoods or the Cerwyns in the order of march, Robb told him he was welcome to do so.

“And when we are done with the Lannisters,” he promised, scratching Grey Wind behind the ear, “we will march back north, root you out of your keep, and hang you for an oathbreaker.” - Bran, AGoT

And this is how Robb Stark got the support of the GreatJon

Yet Robb only said a quiet word, and in a snarl and the blink of an eye Lord Umber was on his back, his sword spinning on the floor three feet away and his hand dripping blood where Grey Wind had bitten off two fingers.

“My lord father taught me that it was death to bare steel against your liege lord,” Robb said, “but doubtless you only meant to cut my meat.” Bran’s bowels went to water as the Greatjon struggled to rise, sucking at the red stumps of fingers… but then, astonishingly, the huge man laughed. “Your meat,” he roared, “is bloody tough. “

And somehow after that the Greatjon became Robb’s right hand, his staunchest champion, loudly telling all and sundry that the boy lord was a Stark after all, and they’d damn well better bend their knees if they didn’t fancy having them chewed off. - Bran, AGoT

He got the GreatJon's support because Greywind chewed off his fingers and not by speaking politely, with good manners and saying thank you.

This is how Lyanna Mormont addressed King Stannis:

Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is STARK. - Jon, ADWD

No being polite or charming. Just the brutal truth.

This is Wylla Manderly:

“A thousand years before the Conquest, a promise was made, and oaths were sworn in the Wolf’s Den before the old gods and the new. When we were sore beset and friendless, hounded from our homes and in peril of our lives, the wolves took us in and nourished us and protected us against our enemies. The city is built upon the land they gave us. In return, we swore that we should always be their men. Stark men!” - Davos, ADWD

Alys Karstark, who got on a horse in the harshest winter, made it all the way to the wall to ask that the son of Ned Stark help her. Marrying a Thenn from beyond the wall to save her house. Jon compares her bravery to Arya Stark and calls her 'Winter's Lady'.

Alysanne Mormont attacking the IronBorn, killing people and winning back the North:

Alysane Mormont, whose men name her the She-Bear, hid fighters inside a gaggle of fishing sloops and took the ironmen unawares where they lay off the strand. Greyjoy’s longships are burned or taken, her crews slain or surrendered. The captains, knights, notable warriors, and others of high birth we shall ransom or make other use of, the rest I mean to hang …

“Aye.” Alysane stared at Asha for a moment. “I have a son. He’s only two. My daughter’s nine.”

“You started young.”

“Too young. But better that than wait too late.” A stab at me, Asha thought, but let it be. “You are wed.”

“No. My children were fathered by a bear.” Alysane smiled. Her teeth were crooked, but there was something ingratiating about that smile. “Mormont women are skinchangers. We turn into bears and find mates in the woods. Everyone knows.” Asha smiled back.

“Mormont women are all fighters too.” The other woman’s smile faded. “What we are is what you made us. On Bear Island every child learns to fear krakens rising from the sea.” The Old Way. - ADwD

Lyanna Stark, daughter of the North, standing up for her father's men, participating in tourneys and wielding a sword being compared all the time to Arya Stark

Frey Pies.

Lot of battle and violence that is going to happen in TWoW as Stark supporting Northern factions goes to war with the Boltons. No one is going to be asking the Boltons nicely to give way. War and violence is necessary and is happening. Lots of people are going to die. Lots have already died. Brutal sacrifices are necessary. From the TWoW sample chapter things are not going too well for house Umber.

That's not even counting the brutal Old Kings of Winter - Theon 'Hungry Wolf' Stark, Brandon 'Ice Eyes' Stark

In the aftermath of his victory King Theon raised his own fleet and crossed the narrow sea to the shores of Andalos, with Argos's corpse lashed to the prow of his flagship. There he took a bloody vengeance, burning scores of villages, capturing three tower houses and a fortified sept putting thousands to the sword in the process. The heads of the slain the Hungry Wolf claimed as prizes, carrying them back to Westeros and planting them on spikes along his own coasts as a warning to other would be conquerors.

"When the Warg King's last redoubt fell, his sons were put to the sword, along with his beasts and greenseers, whilst his daughters were taken as prizes by their conquerors."

A World of Ice and Fire, The North, The Kings of Winter

The Boltons were scared of the Old Kings of Winter, Bran's visions shows human sacrifices as part of a pact with the Old Gods/Children of the forest, Brandon Ice Eyes hung the entrails of slavers from heart trees and Stark vassals feared these kings.

And we get closer and closer to the brutal Long Night, described as such by Old Nan:

“Oh, my sweet summer child," Old Nan said quietly, "what do you know of fear? Fear is for the winter, my little lord, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep and the ice wind comes howling out of the north. Fear is for the long night, when the sun hides its face for years at a time, and little children are born and live and die all in darkness while the direwolves grow gaunt and hungry, and the white walkers move through the woods” - Bran, AGoT

It's why 'Winter is coming' is the house motto for house Stark. It's what everything is heading towards. Brutal cold and harsh sacrifices and violence - lots of violence.

To then decry this violence and the hard core fantasy aspects of these books to espouse some kind of ridiculous notion that polite charm and songs and decorum is what is going to win the day and all the characters who engage in violence = bad, especially female characters who kill or wield hard power = bad, shows such a fundamental lack of understanding of ASoIaF as a book series.

And again, it's funny that it's the same folks who believe in Stark/Northern exceptionalism and keep shilling for Northern independence who keep decrying violence despite the feudalistic/medieval violence inherent in the North and talking about asoiaf as some kind of pacifist manifesto where one of the most pro-status quo character in the series is going to bring about hope and change and peace by maintaining decorum, talking politely and being charming. Because after everything, everything we have read about the North, that's what's going to work and that's what GRRM is apparently heading towards ....

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

ACOK: Bran I (Chapter 4)

This little bugger keeps trying to defeat me!

Bran preferred the hard stone of the window seat to the comforts of his featherbed and blankets.

@agentrouka-blog!!!

Bran doesn’t mind the uncomfortable seat!

"I swear to you, sitting a throne is a thousand times harder than winning one. Laws are a tedious business and counting coppers is worse. And the people … there is no end of them. I sit on that damnable iron chair and listen to them complain until my mind is numb and my ass is raw. - Eddard I, AGOT

x

By midday Daenerys was feeling the weight of the crown upon her head, and the hardness of the bench beneath her. 

(...)

The slippers the Butcher King had sent her had grown too uncomfortable. Dany kicked them off and sat with one foot tucked beneath her and the other swinging back and forth. It was not a very regal pose, but she was tired of being regal. The crown had given her a headache, and her buttocks had gone to sleep. - Daenerys I, ADWD

+.+

Summer's howls were long and sad, full of grief and longing. Shaggydog's were more savage. Their voices echoed through the yards and halls until the castle rang and it seemed as though some great pack of direwolves haunted Winterfell, instead of only two . . . two where there had once been six. Do they miss their brothers and sisters too? Bran wondered. Are they calling to Grey Wind and Ghost, to Nymeria and Lady's Shade? Do they want them to come home and be a pack together?    

+.+

When Bran repeated that to Osha, she laughed aloud. "Your wolves have more wit than your maester," the wildling woman said. "They know truths the grey man has forgotten." The way she said it made him shiver, and when he asked what the comet meant, she answered, "Blood and fire, boy, and nothing sweet."    

Honestly, I really don’t mind that this wildling is raising Rickon. Everything will be okay.

+.+

Though Old Nan did not think so, and she'd lived longer than any of them. "Dragons," she said, lifting her head and sniffing. She was near blind and could not see the comet, yet she claimed she could smell it. "It be dragons, boy," she insisted. Bran got no princes from Nan, no more than he ever had.

The woman who seemingly knows everything never calls Bran prince. Mmkay.

+.+

Bran did not remember falling, yet they said he had, so he supposed it must be true. He had almost died. When he saw the weatherworn gargoyles atop the First Keep where it had happened, he got a queer tight feeling in his belly.

Could this also be referencing those gargoyles at Dragonstone we just learned about in great detail? Mayhaps!

+.+

Summer had howled the day Bran had fallen, and for long after as he lay broken in his bed; Robb had told him so before he went away to war. Summer had mourned for him, and Shaggydog and Grey Wind had joined in his grief. And the night the bloody raven had brought word of their father's death, the wolves had known that too. Bran had been in the maester's turret with Rickon talking of the children of the forest when Summer and Shaggydog had drowned out Luwin with their howls.

Who are they mourning now? Had some enemy slain the King in the North, who used to be his brother Robb?

who used to be his brother Robb

Rather ominous.

+.+

The noise brought a guard to his door, Hayhead with the wen on his nose. He peered in, saw Bran howling out the window, and said, "What's this, my prince?" 

It made Bran feel queer when they called him prince, though he was Robb's heir, and Robb was King in the North now. He turned his head to howl at the guard. "Oooooooo. Oo-oo-oooooooooooo."

Hayhead screwed up his face. "Now you stop that there."

"Ooo-ooo-oooooo. Ooo-ooo-ooooooooooooooooo."

Ladies and gentleman, the future King of Westeros. Lol

+.+

"The Frey boy did not ask to be attacked," the maester said, "no more than I did."         

"That was Shaggydog." Rickon's big black wolf was so wild he even frightened Bran at times. "Summer never bit anyone."    

Typical! Nymeria and Shaggydog being little shits -> Lady and Summer paying the price.

+.+

"Princes should be allowed to sail the sea and hunt boar in the wolfswood and joust with lances."    

Bran, you sound more like a king.

Let me tell you a secret, Ned. More than once, I have dreamed of giving up the crown. Take ship for the Free Cities with my horse and my hammer, spend my time warring and whoring, that's what I was made for. The sellsword king, how the singers would love me. - Eddard VII, AGOT

x

Robert loved to hunt boar. I have seen him take a thousand of them. - Eddard XIII, AGOT

x

Now everybody heard him. "No," he thundered in a voice that drowned out all other speech. Sansa was shocked to see the king on his feet, red of face, reeling. He had a goblet of wine in one hand, and he was drunk as a man could be. "You do not tell me what to do, woman," he screamed at Queen Cersei. "I am king here, do you understand? I rule here, and if I say that I will fight tomorrow, I will fight!" - Sansa II, AGOT

+.+

As Maester Luwin and Ser Rodrik were not about to let the children go wandering off into the wolfswood in search of a stream, they made do with one of the murky pools in the godswood. Walder and Walder had never seen hot water bubbling from the ground before, but they both allowed how it would make the game even better.    

By the time this series is finished, I don’t think any Frey is going to enjoy hot bubbling water.

+.+

Both of them were called Walder Frey. Big Walder said there were bunches of Walders at the Twins, all named after the boys' grandfather, Lord Walder Frey. "We have our own names at Winterfell," Rickon told them haughtily when he heard that.    

rofl

+.+

The way their game was played, you laid the log across the water, and one player stood in the middle with the stick. He was the lord of the crossing, and when one of the other players came up, he had to say, "I am the lord of the crossing, who goes there?" And the other player had to make up a speech about who they were and why they should be allowed to cross. The lord could make them swear oaths and answer questions. They didn't have to tell the truth, but the oaths were binding unless they said "Mayhaps," so the trick was to say "Mayhaps" so the lord of the crossing didn't notice. Then you could try and knock the lord into the water and you got to be lord of the crossing, but only if you'd said "Mayhaps." Otherwise you were out of the game. The lord got to knock anyone in the water anytime he pleased, and he was the only one who got to use a stick.

What fun! From a young age, the Freys learn to play a game of deceit where if you slip the word mayhaps into a sentence, you’re permitted to lie.

"They shan't get lost," Lord Walder complained. "They're crossed before, haven't they? When you came down from the north. You wanted crossing and I gave it to you, and you never said mayhaps, heh. But suit yourself. Lead each man across by the hand if you like, it's naught to me." - Catelyn VI, ASOS

x

"My lord!" Catelyn had almost forgotten. "Some food would be most welcome. We have ridden many leagues in the rain."         

Walder Frey's mouth moved in and out. "Food, heh. A loaf of bread, a bite of cheese, mayhaps a sausage."                 

"Some wine to wash it down," Robb said. "And salt." - Catelyn VI, ASOS

+.+

He was Little Walder even though he was tall and stout, with a red face and a big round belly. Big Walder was sharp-faced and skinny and half a foot shorter. "He's fifty-two days older than me," Little Walder explained, "so he was bigger at first, but I grew faster."                 

"We're cousins, not brothers," added Big Walder, the little one. "I'm Walder son of Jammos. My father was Lord Walder's son by his fourth wife. He's Walder son of Merrett. His grandmother was Lord Walder's third wife, the Crakehall. He's ahead of me in the line of succession even though I'm older."

"Only by fifty-two days," Little Walder objected. "And neither of us will ever hold the Twins, stupid."                 

"I will," Big Walder declared. "We're not the only Walders either. Ser Stevron has a grandson, Black Walder, he's fourth in line of succession, and there's Red Walder, Ser Emmon's son, and Bastard Walder, who isn't in the line at all. He's called Walder Rivers not Walder Frey. Plus there's girls named Walda."

...

I will pay someone to make me a Frey spreadsheet.

I’m serious.

+.+

Ser Rodrik decreed that they would share Jon Snow's old bedchamber, since Jon was in the Night's Watch and never coming back.

Jon Snow is coming back. ✍️

Got it.

+.+

Bran had not heard so much laughing since the night the bloody raven came.

My goodness, the Bran abyss came calling for me on this one.

For your own amusement, let me take you through my thought process, and the actions that followed:

Bran had not heard so much laughing since the night the bloody raven came?

What raven?

The bloody raven that delivered the news of his father’s death?

And the night the bloody raven had brought word of their father's death, the wolves had known that too. - Bran I, ACOK

That raven?

Is there another raven I’m forgetting?

The raven from his coma? Was that raven laughing?

No, that was a crow.

When was there a raven that prompted laughter?

Who would be laughing at the news of Ned’s death?

Why would there be laughing the night that bloody raven came?

What the fuck?

Oh my god, is he in a timeline loop? Did he spy on people the night his father was murdered? Does he not even remember!? Did he see them laughing??? Was it Littlefinger??????

WHO IS AWAKE RIGHT NOW? WHAT HAVE I DISCOVERED?

FRIENDS, LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@astradrifting​: ???? what, that is weird!

@cappymightwrite:

@aegor-bamfsteel​: it wasn’t laughter because of the death, it was laughter before.

@istumpysk​: So like, he hadn’t heard laughter like that since the days before his father died?

@aegor-bamfsteel​: Yeah.

@istumpysk​: oh.

The end.

+.+

If I had my legs, I'd knock all of them into the water, he thought bitterly. No one would ever be lord of the crossing but me.      

Something tells me King Bran might be controlling that crossing in the future.

Toll free!

+.+

"Wolves can't play. You stay with Bran." And he did . . .                 

. . . until Little Walder had smacked Rickon with the stick, square across his belly. Before Bran could blink, the black wolf was flying over the plank, there was blood in the water, the Walders were shrieking red murder, Rickon sat in the mud laughing, and Hodor came lumbering in shouting "Hodor! Hodor! Hodor!" 

After that, oddly, Rickon decided he liked the Walders. They never played lord of the crossing again, but they played other games—monsters and maidens, rats and cats, come-into-my-castle, all sorts of things. With Rickon by their side, the Walders plundered the kitchens for pies and honeycombs, raced round the walls, tossed bones to the pups in the kennels, and trained with wooden swords under Ser Rodrik's sharp eye. Rickon even showed them the deep vaults under the earth where the stonemason was carving father's tomb. "You had no right!" Bran screamed at his brother when he heard. "That was our place, a Stark place!" But Rickon never cared.    

What could this mean? Rickon brings enemies into a place reserved for Starks? Is this bad? Is this good?

Anyone?

+.+

The scent of squirrel made him remember the taste of hot blood and the way the bones would crack between his teeth. Slaver filled his mouth. He had eaten no more than half a day past, but there was no joy in dead meat, even deer.

Bran I do not wish to ever read about the joy live meat gives you.

+.+

He could smell his brother too, a familiar scent, strong and earthy, his scent as black as his coat. His brother was loping around the walls, full of fury. Round and round he went, night after day after night, tireless, searching . . . for prey, for a way out, for his mother, his littermates, his pack . . . searching, searching, and never finding.

No! He’ll find his pack! Shut up!

+.+

Beyond its sky-tall man-cliffs the true world was calling, and he knew he must answer or die.

Save the world Bran, save the world.

Final thoughts:

My super unpopular ASoIaF opinion is that Bran is more emo than Jon.

-> return to menu <-

[thiswasinevitableid]

62. you set off the fire alarm and I have a test tomorrow, and I might strangle you

Sternclay, sfw, please!

Why do fire alarms only go off in March? The one time Stern set one off (he fell asleep studying and the dinner he was reheating started smoking) it was in that endless stretch of time where the snow is no longer festive but will keep falling for at least two more months.

More importantly, who is responsible for interrupting his carefully planned out six hours of sleep before his midterm at eight this morning?

He stands in the freezing cold with the building’s other three occupants; the single man who looks like he stars in lumberjack porn and the girlfriends who live on the ground floor.

“Sorry” The other man mumbles, “I was making doughnuts and the oil I was using got too hot without me noticing.”

Stern runs a hand through his hair and keeps his voice low, “Why were you cooking with hot oil at three in the morning?”

“When I can’t sleep, I bake.”

“Can I suggest a less flammable hobby in the future?”

“Hey man, it was an accident. And it’s not my fault they stuck the fire alarm too high up for me to get to it before it called the fire department.”

“Too high? You’re taller than I am and I can reach mine.”

“My ceilings are higher and it was tucked between the cabinets and the roof.”

“Oh yeah, ours is in a super-weird place too.” Aubrey, one of the ground-floor neighbors, pats the offenders arm, “it’s okay Barclay, it’s just a little smoke.”

“That may be the case for you three, but I have an exam that’s worth thirty percent of my grade in six hours and I need my goddamn sleep.”

“Yeesh, man, chill out. They’re already waving us back in.” Aubrey points to the door of the three story house.

“I timed everything to optimize my sleep schedule so it actually is a big deal.”

Barclay glowers at him, “Look, I said sorry. But maybe get used to the fact the world doesn’t run on your schedule, mr. control freak, and fucking get over it.”

Stern keeps a smile flat as he bites out, “go to hell” and heads upstairs to salvage what’s left of his schedule.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The crash from downstairs comes at nine p.m; he has a huge day at his internship tomorrow, but Stern doesn’t hear any sounds after it, and he is not about to let a neighbor die on his watch.

“Barclay? Are you okay?” He puts his ear to the door, the heater drowning out all ambient noise.

“Nope, not really, agh, fuck, the doors locked, lemme try to stand-”

“Stay put.” He runs upstairs, grabs his wallet, and uses his debit card to trick the lock, “Shit, what happened?”

Barclay is clutching his forehead, blood between his fingers, and his ankle is swelling. “I got really dizzy, caught my foot on the couch and then my forehead on the table on the way down. Ow, fuck, it better not be broken” he growls as Stern kneels to look at his foot, “I’ve got a shift in six hours.”

“I can’t tell. You should get to a hospital; if it’s injured and you try to work on it, you might have an even worse fall.”

“Fuck, I’m not even sure I can afford the ambulance, let alone the fucking E.R.”

He knows Dani and Aubrey are out, “Any family in town, or a boyfriend?”

“No, if there I woulda called them.” He snaps, then tries for a slow inhale, “sorry, it just, it hurts-”

“I can take you in my car, that’ll be one less worry.” Stern helps Barclay up, gets him to his sedan, then tells him to hold tight while he gets something for his head. He ends up grabbing the first clean fabris he finds, which is how Barclay ends up in the E.R while holding a “Roswell, NM” tank-top to his forehead.

“Sorry to ruin your, uh, souvenir?” He mumbles as they wait for the doctor.

“It’s for a good cause. Besides, I know how to get bloodstains out of fabric.”

“That...that makes you sound like a serial killer.”

“If I were a serial killer I would wear things that could stain.” Stern winces, “sorry, I read too many true crime books.”

“I just don’t have the stomach for them. I like fictional mysteries but real ones?” he shivers, “makes me think an axe murderer is gonna break into my place. I mean, you did it with a credit card.”

“If you’d had the chain thrown it might have been another story. “

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Barclay shifts in the plastic seat, “you, uh, you don’t have to hang around. Know you got a rigid schedule.”

Joseph runs a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry for being so annoyed last week when you set off the alarm. I’m not always great at handling changes.”

“To be fair, doughnuts probably weren’t the best stress baking choice.”

“Did they turn out?”

“Nah. I’ll have to try ‘em another time. Did, uh, did your test go okay?”

“Yes. I, um, I got a perfect score.”

Barclay laughs, the sound like warm honey, and Stern blushes at looking so deeply nerdy in front of someone with a smile like that.

“Mr. Cobb? We’re ready to see you.”

The bearded man gives an slightly awkward wave as he follows the nurse through the double doors. Stern returns the gesture, pulls up the chess app on his phone, and settles in to wait until his neighbor is done.

-------------------------------------

Barclay comes out his nap the scrchh of a brush on tile. His first thought is that he’s so late for work he’s unavoidably fucked. His second one is who the fuck is in his bathroom?

His ankle twinges, jogging his memory; he got back from the hospital at 11:30, no stitches needed on his head but bedrest required for his ankle. He’d been contemplating how to convince his manager to let him shift from the warehouse to somewhere he could sit. Joseph raised an eyebrow and asked for his phone while telling him to go get into bed. All Barclay overheard was a polite, steely voice mentioning the labor laws in Dane County and how it’d be a shame if someone were to arrange an OSHA spot check. The last thing he recalls before falling asleep was Joseph telling him he had the next day off.

That doesn’t explain the cleaning sounds, though.

“Oh, you’re up.” Joseph pokes his head in from the hall. His hair is coming loose from his usual slicked-down style and he’s in a V-neck and sweatpants instead of the suit Barclay sees him in most days, “I hope I didn’t wake you; since you gave me the spare key I thought I’d check on you when I got back from my internship and leave you some take-out from the Thai place around the corner--you said the green curry was your favorite--but then I thought I should wait until you got up to see if you needed anything, so I, um, I cleaned your tub while I waited for you to wake up.”

Barclay isn’t sure what part of that is the most baffling. Or the most touching.

“Why the tub?” He eases his legs over so he’s sitting on the edge of the bed.

“It’s satisfying. And I, um, I clean when I’m stressed.” He wipes his hands on the rag in his front pocket, “I was worried about you, and my internship was murder today. They’re mounting a case against one of the biggest employers in the state and everyone’s on edge.”

“Heh, kinda makes me glad I work at WalMart.” Barclay takes the crutch Joseph offers him and hobbles into the kitchen, “oh, uh, if you want to try some cake, there’s leftover cinnamon spice cake in the fridge.”

“I think I will, thank you.” He bends into the fridge and wow has his ass always been that nice, “can I grab you a drink from in here?”

“One of those pre-bottled Kahlua things in the door; have ‘em for a friend but one sounds good right now.” He watches Joseph open it for him, setting it down before he pulls out Barclay’s chair for him. Normally, the kind of fussing and light ordering around Joseph has directed at him makes him bristle. This last day, it just made him feel safe and cared about.

He could get used to this.

----------------------

“Good lord, we’ve even got a flood warning.” Joseph sets down his phone as rain attempts to pummel the house to dust, “Some days I wish we lived closer to one of the lakes but this is not one of them. Should we check to see if Dani and Aubrey need any emergency supplies for if we have to shelter here? I always keep more than I need.”

“Nah, Dani’s got a strong self-sufficiency streak; got her a bucket emergency kit for Christmas last year.” Barclay pops the cork on the Pinot Grigio they got for dinner, “and I don’t think they forgot your semi-drunk promise that if they ever had to run from a flood they had full permission to break open your front door to be safe on the third floor.”

“I meant it, drunk or no.” Joseph takes down the plates and portions out the carbonara; he’s been trying to cook when he has time, both because he likes it and because it gives him and Barclay something to talk about. Not that they need the help.

Things changed after the trip to the E.R; Barclay would bring Joseph fresh cookies or pie. Joseph would offer Barclay rides when their schedules overlapped. Barclay introduced him to his favorite trivia night spot. Joseph took some of his cookies to a worker-owned bakery where a former co-student worked, which led to Barclay getting a new job.

Now they see each other almost every day, whether that’s watching movies on Barclay’s cramped couch or joining Dani and Aubrey for board game night.

He’s pleased with how the pasta turned out, even more so with the fact that when their legs bump together beneath the table, Barclay doesn’t pull away.

They’re on the couch, chatting about the recurring themes in ghost movies, when the storm starts in earnest. The sky is so dark it may as well be nine at night, the lighting and thunder performing a cacophonous two-man show across it. The closer the thunder gets, the more Barclay tenses.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah” a thunderclap makes him jump, “I know it’s silly but I fucking hate thunderstorms, I have since I was a kid.” He chuckles, “my mom would always end up making a pillow fort for me to hide in.”

“We could do that now.” He offers, tapping his foot against Barclay’s own.

“Know this might be hard to believe, but I wasn’t always six-two.” The other man teases.

“Don’t count me out just yet. Wait here.”

It takes some precarity and most of his thumb-tacks, but soon he’s waving Barclay to come join him.

“Holy shit” Barclay laughs as he sees the bed and part of the floor in Joseph’s tiny bedroom are curtained in blankets, “do you ever half-ass stuff?”

“No one can ever prove I haven’t.”

“Uh huh.” Barclay climbs into the fort, “that’s Joseph speak for ‘no.’”

Joseph plugs in his UFO lights and follows him in, “I’ve failed plenty of times.”

“Not on this. Man, this is gr-” A thunderclap makes him jump, nearly knocking one blanket down, “uh, maybe if I…” He lays on the bed, Joseph deciding it’s the least awkward option to join him in that position.

“You really didn’t have to do this.” The green of the lights add a charming tint to Barclay’s eyes.

“I wanted to.”

His friend looks away, keeps his gaze on his feet as he murmurs, “How come you’re always so nice to me?”

“Because we’re friends.”

“It’s, uh, it’s not because you want something from me?”

“Of course not. Barclay,” he touches the cooks arm, “anything you’re thinking is a favor with an ulterior motive....well, it isn’t. It’s something I did to look out for you.”

“What if I, uh, I didn’t think it was favor hunting and was, uh, a different word that started with “F’?”

This time, when the thunder sounds, Barclay nestles closer to him.

“Oh, Barclay” he drapes a protective arm over his waists, “I didn’t mean it to be. At least, most of the time. There were, um, sometimes when I was more flirtatious than I’d have been if it were anybody else.”

“Do you...want to flirt more?” Barclay mumbles into his shoulder.

Joseph tips Barclay’s chin with his hand, brings their lips together as lightning flashes through the window. When he pulls back, Barclay’s eyes are wide. He kisses him once more just to see if he can make them entirely pupil, then whispers, “I hope we can do more than just flirt.”

“Joseph” strong arms slip below and across him, “fuck, babe, if it’s not flooded tomorrow, promise you’ll let me take you out tomorrow?”

“I’d like nothing better, big guy. In the meantime..” he rolls so Barclay is atop him, “I have some thoughts on how to keep your mind off the storm.”

[palidan-sheep]

(I have really go to scrap together a comprehensive backstory for my ss god dammit lol)

I don’t like kids. Don’t want them, cannot stand them, and I just know that after all I've dealt with I will not be a good parent. 

So like most, I reflect this upon my SS. There is no Shaun.

Rather, a widowed with the vengeance of 20 Deathclaws shoved into a human meat suit. 

So after lots of brainstorming later, Here's my spin on the Fo4 family storyline

First Chapter

The Institute caught wind of Vault 111 and decide to do some grocery shopping. Calling for the best, they enter the vault with the ingredient list, one very specific human. Nate Rogers. A recently married, highly decorated military veteran, The Institute deemed him to hold genes and attributes worthy of their newest project.

It wasn't too difficult to find the hall the hosted him nor was it too difficult to actual find him. Cracking open the ice cube, they women assistant with Frosted Flakes tired to ease him out of the chamber but, obviously, being frozen for like 200 years, he wasn’t gonna come out easy.

Apple Jakes wasn’t having it so to the dismay of the assistant, he pulled his .44 out and bam. Shot there the heart. Killed right in front of his wifes eyes. The assistant was annoyed and commanded that Corn Flakes carry the body. But Fruit Loops was busy mouthing off of the newly widowed women who was smashing her fist agsint the glass, tears streaming down her face. 

Frosted Flakes rolled his eyes and hoisted the dead body over his shoulders and Osha was put back into cryogenic slumber. 

Second Chapter

Oh she was scared shitless but a couple of reassuring shoulder pats and words of  enragement, she boarded the signal interceptor and was disintegrated and reassembled in The boogey man of the commonwealth. She left all of her gear back at the Airport incase her massive suit of power armor and various weapons would mess up the process, regretting doing such. 

She took a step out and began to examine the area only for a spine chilling voice to enter the air and began speaking to her. it sounded to familiar but there was no way it could've actual been who she thought it was. with no other option, she listened to the voice and entered the platform

Yada yada yada, cool place, lotta talking, lotta people, one slow ass elevator trip later she entered an empty room and was really regretting not bringing a 10 mil or something to defend herself. As a good ol’ Paladin Danse always said, it felt like an ambush. 

She waited for a second before moving towards the door of the room also to be sacred shitless as the door swung open and a man too familiar entered the room. Most tend to have a flight or fight response but not her, no she freezes. Frozen in place as her long-dead husband approaches her. Not a single physical thing changed about him but mental? he was not the same person she fell in love wit all those years ago. 

They talk, Osha is very defensive and aggressive- keeping her distance and making it very clear she does not understand what the hell is going on. Nate speaks the same way her always does, calm cool and collected. Respecting her distance and trying his best to ease her. 

She brings up that he’s suppose to be dead and he tells her that he is, in fact, a synth. Perhaps the very first flesh and blood one. He goes on to explain to her that he’s the exception amongst all other gen 3 synths, and how while he directs the institute, it is not without heavy monitoring and critical statements. But nevertheless, he is overjoyed to see her again.

She then promptly brings up the death of all the other in the vault and why she was let free- he calls her the same thing that good ol’ scar face called her. She was the back up and simple because of her relationship with him. Yeah, she wanted to smack some sense into him. 

That asides, she then ask why the hell was she left to fed for herself. He just wanted to see what she was capable of and is very impressed with her. 

alight, that's it, One nice firm smack and a yelling later Osha was directed to meet the various members of the Institute and seek Doctor Li for the Bos.

Thrid Chapter

To be continued-