#No suspension of disbelief we die like my time management skills

[nomsfaultau]

I recognize exactly zero people follow me for this type of content, but this is the kind of nerd I am. The following post is an exploration of Tommy’s anomalous ability (Red) on bacteria, specifically on gut microbiota systems, as well as the implications. Link to the research paper that finally convinced me to write this post, though I’d deffo been toying with thoughts for a while. 

The main question is this:

Some important details that have been established: 

Red causes individuals to attack indiscriminately (excluding Tommy)

Red effects germs

Red does not cause the cells in multicellular organisms to attack one another (else the effects would include some symptom of that, such as white blood cells attacking the body. Allergy attacks, the like, I haven’t researched this vein as it isn’t what occurs)

The main idea that I started with was that Tommy’s gut bacteria would be fascinating as a result of the fact he often consumes Red due to not having a fork. Tommy’s main concern is that it makes his meals slimier and taste Red-er, but theoretically there’d be massive disruptions to the stability of his bacteria system. Specifically in the fact he’d be constantly sending it into overdrive competition, likely decimating colonies of helpful bacteria. Instability builds resilience and all that but the constant waves of self destruction would leave decimated diversity and have severely reduced redundancy. He’d almost constantly be in an undesirable stable state and likely unhealthy. Go far enough and you get the question of if he can properly produce all the enzymes needed for digestion. Unless he was getting probiotics pretty constantly, his microbiota would be incredibly unstable and fluctuating wildly. Major health problems would arise. 

This is not seen to occur, so it leads me to the question of how Red interacts on the microbiology level. I can see two directions that this can be taken in: Possibility 1. Stomach acid denatures Red—and other processes to render Red useless. 

Red is classified as a biohazard by the SCP Foundation, though it is not entirely clear what that entails. If it’s treated as something biological, its effects could be disrupted by the acidity. Ergo wouldn’t effect digestion. Hurray, Tommy can still eat stuff. (Could possibly still be used for toothpaste? I would have to research mouth bacteria.)

For someone who isn’t Tommy: Good news! All the bacteria in body isn’t now single mindedly trying to kill them. Also wouldn’t be permanently affected by Red should it become integrated into their body via digestion. 

This further rises the question of what can be done to eliminate Red’s affects. It is noted to not cause reactions after it has dried. I am assuming there is some type of denaturing from temperature. Furthermore it does not appear to retain effect merely for staying wet. The evidence for this is two fold: 

There have not been uncontrolled outbreaks of zombie-like mindless violence from contaminated water.

Presumably Tommy has showered at least once in the last x years. He is canonically mentioned to have showered inside the SCP Foundation, who could be decontaminating all water he uses. However, there is a period of a few months between the appearance of Red and his capture and Mother Innit would NOT allow him to get that stanky.

Ergo Red can be made into a safe state that can come into contact with people both externally and internally without problems. Especially given British/American water sanitation procedures tend to involve bacteria. Because Tommy did not cause a water safety crisis of disastrous proportions, I’m going to assume temperature/UV (possibly) at minimum effect it. Could be internal body heat destroys it. Other possibilities: Acidity naturally, dilution of the substance (minimum dose necessary?), or time since disconnected from Tommy.

Possibility 2. Red only affects super organisms. 

Now it’s a strenuous definition, but I think it makes a lot of things easier. The gut bacteria would be considered part of the person. Because frankly if we went all the way and individual cells started fighting each other inside a multicellular being…it would drastically conflict with what’s depicted. So Tommy wouldn’t be destroying his digestive system and probably a lot of other things.

A question would then be ‘what constitutes a super organism?’. Possible solution: 

Souls. They are an integral aspect of the Fault magic system. However, based off my components of a soul (memory, emotion, true name/agency, bonds) it rises the question of if the bacteria in question have souls. Which I kinda don’t think they do. Then again they are single cell organisms so that wouldn’t be a concern on their own save when they’re contributing to the whole. A body integrates their gut microbiota into their soul, likely through the bonds aspect Red recognizes via the individual soul. Bacteria then count as individuals unless they’re contributing to a multicellular organism, in which case they’d not fall into infighting. This is viable because Red is shown to affect bodiless souls such as voidlings. Therefore it has some recognition of the soul for the purpose of constructing super organisms. 

Now, if it’s effecting exclusively souls that’s a problem, because I’m still unconvinced germs have a soul by Fault’s definition of one. I think Red transcends both soul and being, which ever is necessary in order to cause conflict. I’d go into that but this is already lengthy and it would involved insanely massive spoilers. 

One problem: Tubbo is a super organism by classic definition. However, Tommy’s Red does not affect the whole of Tubbos’ hive mind, instead individual bees. Though the personality known as Tubbo is an amalgamation of many souls, so I think that can function as explanation since it is shown the bees technically have their own thoughts/emotions even if they’re very small bee feelings. Bees have their own definition as super organisms due to their own digestive bacteria. Turtles all the way down. But notably, not all the way up, or we could involve macro cohesive units such as, say, entire countries going to war. 

Plants though. Very different forms of sentience. And if we take into account mycorrhizal networks and consider them as creating super organisms (not of the same species, but as earlier established between humans and gut bacteria this isn’t a pre-requisite of classification according to Red) what happens once contaminated by Red? Is an entire community of plants going to attack? What would that even look like?

So the biggest question of all: What happens when Tommy touches grass?

[blazingstar24]

Summary: Caleb Widogast is well and alive, but for Essek whose life is intertwined with the fabric of reality and time, knows just how close he came to losing it all.

Notes: Little OOC I think. Or perhaps not. Feel like we never think about the fact they only have one set of clothes. Suspension of disbelief and all. Although I feel like Caleb would probably have like pajama clothes in the Tower made for everyone. So he not naked when he comes out of the shower!! b/c I realized I never specified.

*******************************************************

Against all odds the Mighty Nein departed from the Astral Sea, all nine of them alive. Essek sat on his bed in his new tower room, marveling at this fact. He had been more than prepared to die fighting the abomination that was the Somnovem. Yet, somehow all of them had pulled through. Not without a few revivifications along the way, but they were here and alive. It was almost ironic how their destination of choice after a devastating battle was a graveyard.

Essek chuckled to himself. He should stop doubting the determination of the Mighty Nein at this point. No one else could have destroyed the horrors of Cognouza and demanded the life of a long lost friend back from the gods. For the first time, he felt pride for someone other than himself. His friends had come so far from the unpolished adventurers who had stumbled into the Dynasty and into the unsung heroes of Exandria. If they could grow and change, maybe he could too. He was still so unsure about his own future, but he was glad he was able to make sure his friends had a bright one ahead of them.

His thoughts began to stray towards the future of one particular member of the Nein. Caleb. Discussions of the future were frequent between them, but always kept vague due to uncertainty. Or perhaps unsaid invitations to be a part of the other’s. At least, he would love for Caleb to be a part of his in whatever capacity he could be. Either way, Essek knew they had much to talk about.

Quietly exiting his room, he looked around the tower briefly. Running his fingers along the wall, he marveled at Caleb’s attention to detail and the skill and prowess in magic that radiated from such a creation. Stopping outside of Caleb’s room, Essek allowed himself a moment of hesitation. Caleb and the others had made it clear that he was part of the Mighty Nein. There was nothing to fear about a talk between two wizards just studying the same vein of magic. He let his hand rap on the door softly.

“Caleb?”

The sound of shuffling could be heard from inside, but slowly the door opened. Essek let of a huff of amusement as Frumpkin had somehow managed to open the door.

“Your familiar is quite capable—”

He paused as he finally looked over at Caleb who was currently shirtless and had his hand on the door to his bathroom. Essek felt his face warm as he shifted his gaze back to the spectral cat.

“Ah I’m sorry. I did not mean to intrude.”

“No, no. It’s fine. Frumpkin seems to be learning a few tricks from a certain weasel god.”

Frumpkin brushed past Essek and started circling Caleb’s feet. The wizard picked him up and held him close to his chest. Slightly flushed, he tipped his head towards the drow.

“I was about to wash the remnants of Cognouza off, but what’s wrong my friend?”

“Nothing that important. You can...go about your business. This can wait. I can wait.”

“Are you sure? I can—”

Essek nodded. “It’s fine. I’ll wait.”

Caleb set Frumpkin back down on the floor. “Alright, you can wait here. Frumpkin, look after our friend please.”

“Mrreow?”

Caleb smiled as he ducked in the bathroom, with the soft click of the lock behind him. Frumpkin began circling Essek, who was floating slightly off the ground. The cat was looking up at him, tail lightly brushing his legs.

Essek dropped his spell and awkwardly walked over to sit on Caleb’s bed. When he said wait, he meant outside. Now he was alone with Caleb’s familiar inside his room. Essek rarely had the chance to casually visit anyone in the Dynasty. Let alone go over to a friend’s home. Is this how things worked? Maybe it was an Empire thing? To allow anyone to be alone in one’s room with such casual trust? That’s how secrets were uncovered and the game of political sabotage started. Things are different now, I guess. There was no need for such fears outside of his Shadowhand persona.

He startled as Frumpkin jumped straight into his lap. It was as if the cat could sense he was thinking too much. Essek slowly began to pet Frumpkin’s now white fur, the cat purring and curling up in his lap. His gaze scanned the room, taking in the differences between his own. Caleb’s seemed a lot less decorated than the rest of the rooms he had seen so far. A minimalist design, perhaps?

His eyes caught the sight of Caleb’s clothes laid out on the bed. Essek stopped petting Frumpkin and reached out to grab the shirt. He wasn’t much of an adventurer, but he was certain that the Mighty Nein didn’t have time to buy multiple outfits when fighting monsters. He began to start casting Prestidigitation to clean away the mess left from the battle when his gaze centered in on the blood and tear within the center of the shirt. Unbidden to him, the memory of Caleb’s death flashed through his mind

*******************************************************

A brief feeling of pure excitement filled his mind. Something he hadn’t felt in ages. That was quickly replaced by fear as he shook off the effects of the Somnovem and looked up into Lucien’s monstrous form. Essek looked around the battlefield, making a mental tally of where everyone was. Beau, standing ever ready. Caleb, now just a couple of feet from him.

He wasn’t ready for what would come next. Those cursed wings. The very same that had slain Jester just seconds before, pierced through Caleb. Essek watched in shock as the first hit stabbed Caleb’s body. Caleb’s eyes widening in pain and then going limp. The second, just as quick, ravaging his already broken body. The third, piercing through Caleb’s stomach, blood splattering into the floor of the city. Lucien tossed him to the floor. Like he was nothing. Like he was a toy he had finished playing with.

Despite not being tethered to him, Essek felt every hit in his own soul. He wanted to scream, to move, to wrap Caleb in his arms and bring him back from wherever his soul had went. But he couldn’t. The magic needed to bring Caleb back to him was something that escaped his grasp. And for once in his long life, the Shadowhand of the Dynasty cursed his magic which could only warp and destroy.

*******************************************************

For the second time today, Essek Thelyss found himself crying. Tears dripped down onto the shirt which was still clutched within his shaking hands. Staring at the remnants of a horrible alternate reality, Essek felt a familiar sense of guilt and grief wash over him.

For all his magical prowess, he was unable to save someone who had truly mattered. He dedicated his life into the study of warping reality and bending time to his will. And in his hubris, he thought he was in control. That he could be a master of fate and if he truly tried, he could rewrite the fabric of this universe. He started a war to gain more of this power.

Figures that the universe would knock him down a peg once more. First by sending the Mighty Nein his way. And now by taking one of them away from him. Of course Caleb was alive and well. But here in his hands was definitive proof that by the whims of chance, the opposite could have been true as well. And it was Jester who had saved them all. The tiefling who wanted pastries to eat during a war council. The very same magic he had scoffed at many months ago, did what he could never do. He had been so secure in his power. So sure about what was important.

He was a fool. A fool about magic. About power. About knowledge. A fool about what was truly important.

A hand gently grabbed his and pulled it away from the bloodied shirt. Essek flinched and looked up at Caleb, ginger hair damp yet still having a faint smell of dunamis and fire. He looked at his hand in Caleb’s as Caleb lightly squeezed it.

“I don’t know where your mind has gone, my friend. But I am here.”

“I have been so wrong about so many things, Caleb. And I find myself at a loss on what to do next.”

Caleb sat down besides the drow and stared up at the ceiling with his eyes closed.

“There is much I haven’t told you about my own past. I have been where you are and I probably still am in many ways. But I have found it is much harder to find your way again alone.”

Essek pulled his hand out of Caleb’s. “I don’t know if I deserve to be surrounded by the likes of you all. Caduceus and Fjord spoke to me about the future, but I cannot fathom ever deserving something like this. Like the Mighty Nein after everything I have done.”

Caleb turned towards Essek, who was startled by the intensity of his gaze. He would have sworn Caleb’s eyes were a blazing blue fire when he met his gaze.

“Maybe we don’t deserve any of this. Maybe our sins outweigh any number of good we could put back into this world. But maybe it’s not about deserving. We have to work for it for the rest of our lives. You asked me about accepting defeat today. So now I ask you, Essek Thelyss. Will you accept defeat now in the face of your sins? Or will you—”

Caleb paused and looked down for a beat. Both wizards were trembling.

“Or will you strive to leave this world better than when you started, everyday forth?”

*******************************************************

Silence fell over the two of them as they held each other’s gaze. Essek forced himself to look into that bright burning blue and grabbed Caleb’s hands within his own.

“I make no promise that I will not falter along this road to be better than who I am now. But I have rarely accepted defeat Caleb Widogast. And I do not plan on starting now.”

Caleb let out a shaky sigh of relief and pressed his forehead against Essek’s.

“Then we shall walk this road together, wherever it may lead. Keep each other in check, ja?”

“Always. I was told I would be hunted down by the rest of you if not.”

“Ah, you made a deal with Fjord too?”

“What?”

“Never mind, Liebling.”

Caleb paused after he said that, drawing back from their close embrace. Essek was still getting used to the comforts of physical affection, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want that closeness on some level.

“I do not know what you said, but I liked it.”

Caleb chuckled as his face slowly turned red. “Ah, well it’s what my parents would call each other.”

Essek felt his ears heat up. “Oh. So it’s a term of endearment? In Zemnian?”

Caleb nodded, trying to gauge the drow’s reaction. Essek was turning the word over in his mind. He was well aware of the small flutter of warmth that filled his chest when Caleb had said it.

“Perhaps you can teach me some Zemnian later.”

“I can do it right now.”

Caleb leaned over Essek to grab a book resting on the table near the bed. He happily brandished a book with a cat wearing a small top hat to the drow. Essek raised an eyebrow, amused. Caleb stood up and extended his hand out to Essek.

“Come. It’s best to read by the fire.”

Essek smiled and took Caleb’s hand, letting the younger man lead him to the fireplace. As Caleb started reading, pausing every now and then to teach him a word in Zemnian, Essek let himself feel content. Thoughts on the just barely missed realities fell away. Musing on the future were tucked away for later. Right now, Essek was happy to just have some time. Time to be Caleb and Essek. No longer the Shadowhand and the runaway Scourger.

For now, they had time.

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 35:

I don't know what today's question is but I gotta write a wall of text about what happened last night because holy shit

I was on the verge of falling asleep and, like I usually do, I decided to hunt for some spicy fanfics to read on my phone. I found one.

All my posts are long but this one is real fucking long. CW for touching on dub-con and injury mentioned in the type of context it probably shouldn't be.

It's time for me to admit that not only am I a oneshot writer, I'm also a oneshot reader. I am drawn to short fanfics. If I click on a chaptered fic, it's (usually) because it's rated E for smut and I'll go in with every intention of skimming it for the spicy bits. I'm not proud of this. I've avoided saying this for years because I don't want to disappoint people who work hard on their very long and well thought out chaptered stories. I have a short attention span, and I know what I want.

But anyway, last night I clicked on a fic with 5 chapters and some amount of words, around 30k? Long, by my standards, but I was tired and I just wanted something to read while I dozed off.

This particular fic hooked me in, though. I still skimmed it, but the writing was so unique in a way that made me writhe with writer's envy and admiration. Whoever wrote this had their own language - nothing borrowed - their own vision.

I guess I should tell the good people who read my posts (ya'll, seriously, thank you) that the fic in topic is called Fault Lines by Recidiva on AO3. I would link to it but uhhhh I may be using my work PC for "extracurricular purposes" right this moment ^^; so maybe when I get home I'll remember to add it.

I skimmed it - like I said above - for the spicy parts. It generally follows the plot of Bioware's canon. Thane begins as possessive and manipulative, likely uncomfortably close to dub-con for a lot of people. He kisses her and knows full well that his kiss will make her willing but intoxicated, and how he will use that to fulfil himself. But as the story progresses, he falls in love. Their relationship is what I'll call "edgy." Both of them are renegades. There's a scene where they get down in the shuttle after a fight and they're both still injured and it borders on downright unrealistic but fuck it, it's fanfic and I bought it. However their relationship develops a certain heart-wrenching tenderness. She asks him what Siha means over and over again, and eventually tells him she thinks "bitch" when he says it. But in that moment they have a playful banter, he knows full well she's probably already looked it up on the extranet, and they fall into bed together. The smut is mind-boggling.

By the time it gets to Shepard's arrest, he's taken up a place on Earth and visits her, breaks into her house arrest. There's a scene where they see each other for the first time in a while, she tells him how much she's missed his mouth and how it's not right how bad she wants him, and wants him bad enough to smother him with affection. She says something to the effect of "if you're looking to die, I'd volunteer to be the cause," implying that her lust is powerful enough to endanger his life. And it was at this moment I realized I fucked up.

It's established that I live in my own headcanon and I'm not burdened with considering the end of Thane's life as part of my fics. And the suspension of disbelief was such that I forgot he doesn't make it. So at this moment in the fic, chapter 4 out of 5, I realized "Oh shit this isn't going to have a happy ending." I skipped to the end right away, I wanted to confirm my fears.

In their final exchange, she asks him to lie to her - something that's repeated in other chapters of the story. I forget what he says, I was reading desperately, but he asks her in return to tell him something true. She kisses him and tells him she loves him, and he breathes his last breath with the lingering tingle of their kiss to carry him to the other side.

I was so entrenched in the depth of their relationship up to that point. The level of fathomless love the author conveyed, unlike anything I've ever managed to write before, but more realistic to my own understanding of love as I've experienced it. Not because they're renegades, but just the selflessness with which they feel, communicate, banter, and make love.

When I read that last paragraph, something inside me broke. That sounds dramatic but that's honestly how I would describe it. It felt like waking up from a night terror, when you bolt up in bed from a dream so bad you immediately get up even if it's 4am because nothing feels real and you're so terrified you have to get up and do something - literally anything to take your mind off it, to ease you back into reality. I put my phone down and stared into the darkness of my bedroom and told myself "it's just a fanfic, no need to get upset." And then I started to cry and I didn't stop for 30 minutes.

My husband was downstairs watching Bohemian Rhapsody and I went down there and wrapped myself around him so tight and cried. Bless this man, from the bottom of my heart - bless him - for his unfathomable kindness. I felt like a fucking fool because I was crying over fanfiction but he paused his movie and just listened while I tried to articulate how it wasn't exactly about the character death, or the characters at all, it was just the writing and how it wormed into my brain so convincingly. I felt the loss like it was my own loss. I am terrified of losing my husband. So many feelings coalesced and I realized one day I may be in that situation, kissing the man I love goodbye for the last time, never to hold him again. I'm at work right now and I'm tearing up because it's so hard.

I tip my hat to the author, but I genuinely wished I hadn't read that fanfic. And isn't it kind of funny after that grandstand I took yesterday about not wanting to write the pain of loss and grief, that I ended up reading it instead and probably fucking myself up just as badly, if not worse, than if I had tried to write it myself?

It gets worse, too. Because it got me thinking about my own writing, and how I could never hope to achieve what that author did. So I sat there crying out my painfeelings while simultaneously feeling like a shit writer and like nothing I put out matters. I got up from the couch, sat down at my PC and picked up where I left off in the Omega DLC in ME3 because video games are great for taking the mind off things. It didn't exactly help with the intensity I'd hoped for, but I managed to fall asleep, by 3am.

Fast forward to this morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed 4 hours later and drove to work. By some fucking miracle, no one is here right now except our field director. And I'm stewing in how this one fic really fucked me up bad, reconsidering everything. I feel like I've been put in my place.

So what changed?

Yesterday I posted about how I'm struggling to write a plotline. I know what happens, but I'm not interested in the little bits that tie it together. I want to write the romance. I think there's a way to write the plot and the romance at the same time, but it's damn hard.

I started doing this because I wanted to grow my skills as a writer, and I knew it might be more than I could chew. I'm at that moment now where I'm about ready to give up.

Even if I felt like a shit writer last night (and still kinda do this morning), I know that the stuff I've put out has value. We can't all write these epically tragic smut-romance-renegades-to-lovers tales, we'd all be sad all the damn time. There's a time and a place and - I would argue - even a need for lighterhearted fic out there. There are really no rules. I'm confident in what I know how to do.

But the plot. Fuck it, man. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. I'm trying really hard to write like other people. I may have mentioned before that I saw a post about how many artists spend their time pining for the skills of others, thinking "wow, when I can draw like that, I'll have made it as an artist." That same post cautioned against this, basically saying you already have your own unique style, it's just harder to see through the lens of your own eyeballs. It's fine to challenge yourself but try to acknowledge what you do that sets you apart already. I feel like I have that something - maybe not to the extent that I wish, but I have something.

So what's the point of the plot? Why do I need to tell my readers how I cured Keprals? I'm asking myself important questions here. I like to think I've come up with ideas that no one else has, but as I said above, I don't read a lot of chaptered fics. I very well may have come to the same ideas as other writers and I'm not even aware of it. I don't know if my ideas are unique but I still arrived at them all by myself.

The challenge here - the thing I'm struggling so much with - is how to put them together with the same elegance of my fellow writers. I'm looking at you, shrios fam (yeah I'm calling you that, yall know who you are). I know I can write words, but it's like I have a bunch of pieces from completely different jigsaw puzzles and I'm struggling to make a new picture out of them. I struggle with the transitions between them.

The point here is I have to find my own way. And I have to stop taking myself so seriously. In fact this level of "seriousness" is one of the things that got me into so much angst over World of Warcraft over the last two years. At least I know how to recognize it.

I have to find my own way. I have my own things that are worth sharing. The author I read last night had a language all their own, and I have a language all my own too. Their wordplay was actually more choppy than I would ever write. I've talked before about how I'm scared of starting too many sentences with pronouns, how I maybe write too many run-on sentences, whatever. This author did that with reckless abandon. It worked for them. So if they can make that shit work, I can make my own shit work.

I have to find my own way.

My most current WIP is Thane and Shepard's first time. I've been working on it pretty nonchalantly because I hadn't intended to publish it until I built up to it. It takes place further into my timeline, and it would probably ruin the point of a slow burn if I put it out there now. There are some really memorably moments in this WIP, and there are other moments that need to be smoothed over as well. I never knew what I'd really imagined for their first time but I think I've mostly developed something that's unique in its own right, and I think will be fun for people to read.

I'm just so fucking torn over what to do with it. I feel guilty for working on it. I should be writing "other shit" leading up to it but I don't fucking want to. I actually wrote probably 2-3k words this weekend, which is a pretty staggering amount by my standards. Some of it was for this smutty WIP and some was for something I just threw together, Thane observing Shepard on Horizon and the emotional toll it takes on her. He's seeing her humanity. I don't know if it's worth it to continue but I wrote a lot of it and the words are more precise than usual for a draft, I don't know. I have so much fucking insecurity. Fuck dude. I want to write this longfic, but I don't want to write it. I want to skim to the spicy bits like I always do.

I am wracked with insecurity, of my own making. I know what I can do but I feel compelled to see this idea through. Somehow I have to find my own way.

TLDR I feel like if I don't publish something soon I'm going to burst and I don't even know what the fuck to work on first and fjslfjsojoiejrj

I would be really down for, like, a bunch of hugs and a bowl of ice cream shared over memes and fanservice.

[b-rainlet]

ecco vs/+/or tetch ;). also if you want more alice vs/+/or jervis

This is so hard, why would you do this to me :D

Only Ecco/Jervis for now, this got way too long omg (Tetchcest will be published in a separate post)

(Also beware the stray Ecco/miah analysis that sneaked in there?? I just have lots of thoughts about Ecco lmao)

(Also also I managed to sneak Jerome in there ajsnsnsnd)

Okay, okay so Ecco vs. Jervis? Ecco wins, 100%.

Like, Ecco does her research. Before she met Jerome, she probably already gathered all the info she could get on his accomplices and how he managed to escape Arkham and the like and I feel like she would've been prepared for Jervis.

(In fact, I believe she only ended up hypnotized in the first place because both her and Miah were probably too sure of themselves? Like, they probably didn't consider that Jerome was planning on being taken so therefore Jervis and Jonathan could've simply waited around Ecco's apartment to follow her to Miah's hideout.

But just between us: The whole place is full of cameras and somehow Ecco opens the door to Jervis and Jonathan? I mean, does Miah have one of those speaker systems so Jervis was able to hypnotize her from the other side of the door? I think there was a little suspension of disbelief involved actually).

Anyway Jervis isn't skilled in hand to hand combat and spends his confrontations with Jim hiding behind hostages or siccing his puppets on him (or even Ecco as his accomplice in S5) so Ecco just needs to get close enough to get a good swing in.

And she'd probably be smart enough to carry/wear some earplugs around Jervis if she's planning on attacking him or if they're on hostile grounds with each other. (Because canonly speaking, I don't think he'd hypnotize her. They like each other too much, there no reason for him to do it -other than his desire to be with her romantically-)

(She may even go out of her way to pretend she's hypnotized to trick him and get close enough to knock him the fuck out or kill him, depending on what's her mission there).

Ecco + Jervis....well, we all know my standpoint there aksnsnsn.

I have rambled about this countless times, but maybe not in public so to make it brief, I'm just saying that Ecco is probably the perfect doll Jervis could ever envision.

Like, his - and Miah's - whole thing is control and Miah has expertly shown that he can control at least one person to the point they would willingly die for him without being outright hypnotized and that's big.

On one hand I think that would incline Jervis to work with Miah in the first place - because he recognizes his talent and Ecco is like this shiny little trophy Miah can show off like 'Look what I accomplished, look how powerful I can be'.

And on the other I feel like how Ecco behaves around Miah and is loyal to him is exactly how Jervis wanted his relationship with Alice to be and once again, Miah didn't hypnotize Ecco.

She's doing all this without being forced and Jervis is fucking fascinated by that. He wants her. He wants her to be willing to die for him. He wants her to belong completely and utterly to him alone so he's the one who can show her off and have someone be loving and loyal without the added empty eyes blankly staring at him, expecting the next orders.

(Also I think he likes to paint himself as a gentleman and romantic, so he'd make it this whole show of how lovely Ecco isn't treated right and he would treat her like a princess obviously, completely disregarding the fact that she's really only valuable to him because Miah treated her so lowly and hurt and abused her because that's what made her so loyal. And if need be, he's gonna pick up some of Miah's methods to keep her in line. Only out of love though).

But I do also think that Jervis would see pre-gas and bullet Ecco as a powerful asset to the league and we have seen them get along greatly so if Ecco had more autonomy, he'd definitely treat her like an equal (like he treats Jerome or Jonathan) and he definitely values how she's similar to Jerome but that's a whole other rant.

(Also....he's hot. She's hot. I like them both. Why not like them while they smooch and Jervis gets handsy enough Ecco has to swat his hands away).

One more rambly thing while I'm at it tho:

I think it's very important for Miah and his influence within Gotham to have Ecco at his side.

I mean, not only does she do everything, from recruiting the Maniax to turning Jeremiah into a godlike figure, a messiah to be worshipped, to working with his allies and fighting his enemies, no, she's also his only 'proof' of his power so to say.

I mean, by the time S5 rolls around he does have a reputation among the citizens of Gotham but the villains? I think it's important for him to have Ecco around so he can show off how he can be cunning enough to get people on his side + as a way of threatening them by showing them how cruel he can be (which can range from stuff like using Ecco as his foot rest to outright slapping/choking her in front of people and have her thanking him for it).

If he doesn't have Ecco anymore, not only does he lose his right hand woman, he pretty much loses all his connection to his followers and the villains he worked with and it's gonna be a blow to his status as feared villain because the one who's actually a threat is gone, plus he can't use her to seem more imposing by bossing her around.

Someone has made the argument before that Miah's shit at captivating people through his words and persona (since Ecco draws them in and the moment he's alone with the maniax he loses them and has to burn them alive before they turn on him)-

-*cough cough* Jerome/Ecco parallels *cough cough*-

-so I think it's safe to say that killing her off may have been one of the stupidest decisions he's ever made. And not just because I like her.

He's never gonna find somebody he can manipulate to that point again because unless he plays the long con and really dedicates himself to it (which I think he's too impatient to do after the gas, he freely rolls his eyes at Ecco when he's annoyed with her, I don't think he's patient enough to play the dotting and loving partner for months to get his new Harley to the point she'd shoot herself for him), no one's gonna fall for him.

Jerome? Jerome could easily aquire a Harley and he'd just as easily keep her (mostly because he'd see her as a powerful asset rather than a mindless bimbo to worship him) but Miah? Nah.

He may have the role of helpless victim down but now that he's known as a villain it's gonna be harder to pull off and lure somebody in.

His safest bet would be kidnapping a kid tbh, -not that I ever thought about him kidnapping Barbara Lee, noooo-

Anyways, other fish in the sea? Miah can be lucky the villains still work with him without Ecco present as a mediator, finding a new girl to replace her is gonna be impossible.

(And ohhhh, the deliciousness of a fic where Miah realizes just that but still alive Ecco - because she's always alive, safe for two wips of mine - doesn't wanna go back to him, yeeeeesssss).

Ecco or Jervis?

Well, I don't think anyone's gonna be surprised when I go with Ecco here :D

I mean, I love Jervis and I love the storyline of Alice/Jervis and how neatly it ties into S3 but Ecco is my sweetheart and my baby and can possibly only be topped by Jerome.

-quite literally-

Because while I adore Ecco, canonly speaking there's not much there, I just decided I wanted it to be that deep whereas Jerome has a lot of canon interactions with people and a super interesting storyline, plus a complex familial situation and just...like, not to bash on Miah but he has the perfect set up to be the Joker because he's been around since S1 and him and Bruce have an actual relationship that evolves over time and he has allies he actually gets along with and he's had at least one scene with most of the mains and backstory with most of the mains and it's just so good.

Like....if they'd introduced Ecco independently from Miah just to give Jerome a Harley, I think that would've actually been my dream come true.

(But they couldn't give him a Harley because apparently their definition of Joker/Harley is 'abusive' and it would've been super ooc to suddenly have Jerome run around choking girls into submissions and shooting them so they're not better than him when he's canonly into women who could kick his ass and values them as potential allies (Bridget)).

[aromantic-romance-writer]

Tengen Uzui x Fem! Pillar! Reader

[I Value You The Most]

How many times have this gorgeous man made me jealous and straight at the same time, I have no idea-

So I made this to let those emotions all out lmao.

Pretty much self-indlugent though :((( sorry. And Tengen isn't married to his three unbelievably hot wives here too so double sorry-

Hopefully though, you would still be able to enjoy!

Tengen almost can't believe it. There you stood, in a pillar's demon slayer uniform (nothing really changed except the buttons were gold now, but still-), your legs wrapped in bandages. He remembers that day two years ago. He saved a certain girl whose rank was Kanoe from a Lower Moon demon.

"[L/N] [Y/N]. I'll do my very best." you say with a grin. After the Pillar Meeting, Tengen comes up to you.

"Congratulations on being a pillar!" he exclaims with proud eyes. You crane your neck to look up at him, your eyes wide with surprise.

"Y-you remember me?" You ask in disbelief.

He smiles broadly with a wink. "I do."

"Really?! Someone like me?" you ask yourself, feeling giddy. "Wow..."

"You've come a long way. We may be of the same rank, but you're not of the same flamboyant level as I am."

You laugh. "It's nice to see you haven't changed one bit, Uzui-san."

That fateful day, when the Sound Hashira have saved you and finished fighting off that demon, he gave you a proud smile.

"You did a flamboyant job staying alive all this time."

And he let you decapitate the demon's head.

Ever since, you worked harder than ever. He was your inspiration these past 24 months of relentless training and experimenting, until you yourself was able to defeat a demon from the 12 Kizuki.

And here you are now. Called the Blood Pillar.

° ° °

After every Pillar Meeting, Tengen gets more and more disturbed by the sight of you.

Almost after every meeting, you would have new bandages wrapped around your legs. And that was just your legs. He's sure that there could be more under that uniform. While some of the old ones were replaced with scars. At first, he doesn't mind. He thought that you were new to your position as a pillar and have some wounds from your missions, but it's been such a long time now. Why do you always have these new wounds and scars?

Then he remembers. Blood Pillar. Now that he thinks about it, what the hell? Blood Pillar? Exactly from what Breath is that derived from? Does that explain all these new injuires you keep getting?

After the meeting, you see him march up to you, looking all serious. Honestly scared the heck out of you. Did you do something wrong? But you aren't really interacting with him lately, much to your disappointment.

"[L/N]." he crouches to your eye level, giving you an intense stare. "Are you okay?"

You blink. "H-huh? Why wouldn't I be...?"

He frowns. Oh no, is that the wrong response? He straightens up and grabs your wrist, pulling you away. You weren't able to react correctly and even say anything as you stared at his grip on your wrist. You're not sure what to feel about it, but you can feel your cheeks grow hot.

"Where are we going?"

"I just want to have a little chat."

~

"Oh!" you exclaim as you understood what was the deal earlier back at the Ubuyashiki Estate. You were in an empty field, sitting on the fresh grass of spring. Tengen asked all about your breath style and wounds. You were seriously admiring how confident he is to just ask that to you when he knew you weren't really close. You can't even ask Sanemi about his own scars and where he got them.

"Actually, my father was a very skilled doctor." you start as he listened to you intently. "He taught me how to handle medicines and how this certain tool should be used, and the like. After the day you saved me, I wanted to become more useful as a slayer at the same time be an unexpected enemy to the demons."

"You see, I'm a marechi. And I met a demon whose Blood Demon Art makes their own blood explode or burn. And it gave me the idea, and started to experiment on my own blood. It was a painful process, but it was worth it. After I became a pillar, I learned some tricks from Shinobu-san since I spend a lot of my time getting treated at the Butterfly Estate. I learned how to make poisons painful to scabbard but painless to humans and stocked it in the sheath of my sword. But it's really pretty useless unless my blood is mixed with the poison."

You finish. You stare up at the cloudless sky, adoring the pure blue color of it. Tengen just stares at you for a moment.

"So basically, you have to cut yourself for each form you make with your sword covered in poison..." he concludes ismn a mutter. Why would you make such a breath style? And isn't it too dangerous for your wounds to get exposed all the time or for too long? Plus, demons' favorite food is marechi. Then there's also the threat of blood loss.

This was all irritating him for some reason. He never realized how he deeply cares for you. Every time he sees you with yet again a new bandage, he can't help but feela tightness in his chest.

"[L/N]." he says, making you look at him with a hum. You were taken aback at the soft expression he gave you. "Tell me every time you have a mission."

"Why though?" you ask with a curious look.

He averts his gaze, feeling sheepish. It was a first for Tengen to feel like this. He's never shied away before. In frustration, he abrputly stands. "Just because." and he scratches his head. He walks away, leaving you alone on the field.

"U-Uzui-san...?" you wore such a dumbfounded expression. Was that an order?

° ° °

You sigh in relief. You've finally managed to go on a mission without Tengen on your tail.

These past few months, he's been 'accompanying' you on your missions and it's been annoying you lately. You don't even tell him when that you'll go on a mission. You just get surprised that he's already waiting by your house. He's also doing most of the fighting as well. He wouldn't let you draw your sword sometimes. Somehow, you were able to escape from him today.

Although in those times, you enjoy his company. He doesn't really talk much and seems like he'd rather listen to you. From stories to things Shinobu tells you, to even your problems. He was always there, listening. You've noticed that the way he smiles at you have changed. He always had that reassuring smile. A smile that would tell you "I'm here, always". It reminded you of how your father would occasionally treat your wounds after playing outside. But your father have passed, and no one else would be there for you anymore.

Until Tengen came.

Truthfully, you didn't mind being lonely for a while. Your pride as a demon slayer would allow you to sacrifice your own life to save others. You believed that you lived a contented life already. Nothing more is going to make you happy nor sad. It's okay for you to die protecting others.

Again, until Tengen came.

It's always because of him, these beliefs and thoughts keep changing. He changed you to become stronger, to feel secured and reassured around him, and that something was missing in your life. You weren't sure what it was, but you refuse to pass away without it in your life.

You stop walking. The sun was setting, shedding its final rays of light on the surface from the horizon. The wind have become eerily cold. The scent of human blood was strong, but a stronger smell was coating it. You cover your nose in reflex. What a sinister smell. Pompous and confidence was strongly flowing in this demon's blood.

A 12 Kizuki?

But this scent was more disturbing than the last two Kizukis that you faced from the last two years.

You rushed to the scene, following the scent as it grew stronger and stronger. Soon, you find a distorted white figure growing from what it seems like a vase. His back were lined with infant-like arms and was humming to himself until he felt your presence.

He turns to you, widening your eyes in horror. His face was even more distorted.

"My, I think I smell a marechi." He seems to smile, though you really can't tell. "Fufu, and a pillar?"

You unsheathe your sword and took a stance. You read the kanji on his eyes that were placed vertically on his face.

Upper Moon Five.

All you've encoutered so far were Lower Moon demons, so you expect that this battle will be tough.

"Say, would you like me to show you a piece I've recently finished?" he asks, his tone sounding conceited.

You grit your teeth. "I am not interested." you cut your arm with your blade, making sure the edge is fully coated in blood.

The demon bobs his head to the side. "Since you caught my attention, I'll ignore your rudeness just this once." he grins. "What is the point of slicing your own flesh? To provoke me?"

"You'll find out soon enough." You say before charging at him.

° ° °

Tengen was running as fast as he can, and the closer he gets, the louder he can hear your sword clanging. Although he's a shinobi, so his speed is quite enhanced, he fears that he's too late. It took him this much time to figure out where you were.

He may have realized this later than he should, but you were precious to him. You gave him a reason to be stronger - to live. He won't allow himself to be weak and die before you. You were now his top priority, then the people, then himself. If he can, he'll force you out of the demon slayer corps. Oh, but he can, he just won't. Other than your safety, your happiness was also top priority.

After all those times you've talked together, fought together, he starts to cherish every single moment he spends with you. And he can tell that, although undeservedly, it was him who drove you to be who you are today.

The Blood Pillar.

Just a few more hours, the sun will start to rise. He was finally getting close, until he hears silence. The sounds of clanging and clashing stopped. His heart was practically beating out of his chest in suspense. What happened?

~

You were breathing deep and hard from exhaustion. Your body was littered with wounds and blood. You've ripped off your uniform's torso, showing a blood-stained bandage wrapped around your breasts. Gashes made by the demon were slowing you down up to the point where you couldn't swing your sword anymore.

"How foolish." he starts. "Your Breath of Blood will kill you. I can just wait here as you die from blood loss, you know."

You smirk. You shouldn't be underestimated. You spent two years shaping and creating a body immune to such threats like that. You can go for another 10 hours or more, if limitations didn't exist, of course. You were only human. You may be weak for a pillar at the time, but you'll get stronger. You have to. You might lose this battle, but you refuse to die.

Win or lose, you will abstain yourself from passing out. You won't die. Not yet.

"But then the sun will rise soon, and I should have a feast. A feast fit for a fine artist such as myself."

He attacks you, you dodge barely. He was taken aback at the fact that you can still move. He keeos attacking, and you just kept dodging until you were finally worn out.

He takes notice as a sinister smile becomes visible on his features. Just when his attack was about to land a blow on you, you felt broad arms wrap around you as you were taken away.

"Didn't I tell you to always inform me of your missions?" You start to tear up. You see Tengen's irked and perturbed expression. He was able to snatch your haori and covers you with the clothing. As he was about to stand, you clutch unto him. He just smiles that reassuring smile. "I'll be back with the same flamboyance." he winks.

As he starts fighting in your stead, you watch him with anxiety bubbling in your chest. As you watch him, you found out what was missing. Even if it was just for a day, just for a few hours, what was missing in your life was Tengen. Now that he's come into your life, he can't come out. You need him. You can't die yet. You still want to spend your life with him. He doesn't have to feel the same way, as long as he's alive and well.

~

The demon cussed under his breath in frustration and was able to escape just before the sun's rays hit him. Tengen quickly ran to you to see if you're still breathing. Fortunately, you were alive as you gave him a smile.

"[Y/N]..." he whispers as he carries you. He starts walking. "...don't scare me like that."

All you could do was hum in response, your eyes closed and just fully giving in to his warmth.

"Don't be stubborn next time and tell me when you'll go on a mission. I can't breathe easy knowing that my girl is out there cutting herself to kill a demon."

You open your eyes in surprise. "'My girl'...?"

He smiles slightly. "Mhm. Whether you feel the same or not, you're my girl and no one else's right now. You're the most valuable to me in my life. And if someone steals you from me..."

He gives it a thought. "...he has to be way better than me in every way so I have to approve, 'kay?"

You giggle lightly and snuggled against him. You didn't need to say anything to tell him that you also feel the same way, as he can hear your heart beating solely for him.

Tengen watches your sleeping face. He felt truly blessed as something as precious as your heart was beating for him. His heart was beating for you as well.

As if blessing your new-found love, the sun's blinding rays followed both of you walking home, feeling safe and secured and valued with each other.

[stained-glass-fragments]

A gasp of shock fell from Farona's lips as her eyes broadened, turning toward the voice she felt she dimly recognized. And there, standing near the back, was a high priest. But not just any high priest. Comical rabbit ears stuck out of a headband perched on his short, light brown hair, and even in the growing darkness of the room, he wore his token pair of sunglasses. And to top it all off, his ever-amused little smirk curled up the side of his lips.

Farona rose to her feet, suddenly feeling apprehensive as she stared back at the man. He was someone she once considered a friend and comrade, a party member, and a trusted companion. But now... "Yune Hiraze," she acknowledged softly. And despite his words, the young knight thought his casual stance leaning back against the wall suggested that he had actually been there for quite some time. She immediately flushed at the thought that he had been watching her - including her little tantrum.

He slinked away from the wall and slowly sauntered closer, his smile widening. "Embarrassed to be caught in prayer at a church? You always were an odd one, weren't you."

She gasped, a hand flying up to her face in attempt to hide her blush from view. Damn, how could he tell?! There was hardly any light in the room!

And as if reading her mind, he supplied, "I can see perfectly well in the dark, you know. It comes in handy for high priests like me to be good supporters in the deep dark bowels of Glast Heim, the Payon caves, and---well, you get the idea." He shrugged, and his smile took on a slightly more playful look as he halted just a few feet away from her.

"Farona, Farona," he mock-chided. "The way you're looking at me, it's as though you expect me to attack you."

She took a shaky step back, clutching her metallic-gloved hands together in front of her skirt. "I--I... you're here to bring me to the authorities, aren't you?" He opened his mouth as if to deny it, but she hastily cut him off with a growl. "Don't you play your dumb mind games with me anymore, Yune! You want the money they're offering, don't you? Or is there something else you would gain? It's always about you and your selfish---everything!" She threw her arms up in the air, eyes blazing in barely controlled fury.

For a moment, the smile vanished from his features, leaving a cold frown. But as if it was just something she imagined, a mere second later, the smile was back in place. And he dramatically clasped his hands over the area of his heart. "You wound me, Farona. I faithfully supported you for how long? Not to mention saving you from dreaded king Osiris when we first met... and you throw such accusations at me?"

Her gaze became frigid, making her eyes appear almost like chiseled ice. "Supported me? By abandoning Ryshun and I in the middle of a bloody battle with the Orc Lord and nearly getting us both killed? You ran away - you disappeared. I knew nothing of how to find you! I never even got the opportunity to get to know you---all you ever seemed interested in was learning everything about me when I wasn't allowed to learn a damn thing about you!" She paused to take a steady breath to calm herself, and looked away. "I don't know why you bothered to show up now. Unless you just want to mock me."

"Do you really believe that's the truth?"

There was an almost foreboding ring to his words that made her heart seem to cease beating - before it pumped wildly against her ribcage with an intensity that made it feel fit to burst at any moment. What did he mean?

She stared at him for almost a full minute before she found her voice. And even then, it was timid. "I want... to know the truth. Tell me the truth, Yune."

"The truth..." he repeated almost thoughtfully as he took another couple of steps toward her, "Is a dangerous thing. Perhaps surprising, perhaps life-changing, perhaps the key to everything..."

Farona's blue-green eyes narrowed. "I said don't start your---"

"Silence." And all it took was that one word to effectively cut her off, spoken with strength and power from the high priest that stood just a scarce few feet away from her. He always looked so cheerful and light-hearted that any amount of seriousness from him shook her to her very core. He seemed almost like a different person.

And as if on cue, the good-natured smile came back to his features. "I've actually come out tonight with the intention of telling you the truth, Farona. Yes. Telling you everything."

The anger receded from her like a balloon deflating. "Really? You will?" And just like that, her eyes lit up curiously, watching the brunette high priest with great interest.

"Now there's the cute face I remember so well," he quipped. A dust of pink flooded her cheeks. "But I imagine you have questions you want me to answer, am I right?" At her eager nod, his smile widened. "Well, go ahead, Farona. You want to know things about me, don't you? You claim you know nothing... and I'm offering you everything."

She licked her lips in preparation, wondering where to begin. There were so many things she wanted to ask about. But first and foremost...

"How... How did you find me here tonight? Was it just coincidence? I'm sure I didn't tell anyone where I was going."

"Ah, yes. That." He grinned broadly, showing a sliver of his white teeth. "Now, this might come as a bit of a surprise..."

Her eyes widened in horror. That look--that smile... "You--You can't read minds, can you?"

The high priest chuckled heartily, shaking his head back and forth. "No, no. I can't read minds. No worries about that. But yes, I certainly did know where to find you. If not mind reading, can you imagine why that would be?"

She blinked quizzically back at him. "Um, you saw me in town, maybe? I probably wasn't able to stay as hidden as I wanted to be." She mumbled the last part in mild embarrassment.

"Wrong again!" he supplied all too enthusiastically. "But you're growing tired of the guessing game, aren't you? Yes, I can tell. Well, I won't keep you in suspense any longer. I knew where you were going, because I followed you."

"But then you must have seen me in town," she argued instantly, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "Or before I came to Prontera--maybe out in the fields by--"

"Farona, since the day I supposedly disappeared, you have never left my sight."

The lord knightress's jaw fell open as she stared back at him, dumbstruck, and disbelief etched into every crevice of her features.

"Oh, it's quite true, I assure you," he quickly added upon seeing her reaction. "Frilldora cards are incredibly handy. You don't need to be an assassin to learn that handy little cloaking skill of theirs."

It took a moment before the young woman could gather her wits about her again. And even longer before she could force her voice to speak. "You--You hid?! And you stalked me? Yune, that's not---why would you do such a thing?! We were worried about you and--"

His ever present smile never wavered. "Things didn't quite go as I planned. After all, your irritating little friend screwed up everything. He was supposed to die--and that raging idiot let you get between him and that monster. It took some quick thinking on my part to rescue you without being seen, but that bastard also still managed to survive. Pity..."

"Y-You're a priest!" she burst out frantically, hands shooting up in the air. "You save people! Not--not plot to get them killed! Father Reinfield will never let that--"

"Farona," he interrupted all too calmly. "You wanted the truth. I'm giving it to you."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, and took another few steps away from him, all too eager to put some distance between them. "I-I didn't think it would be so..."

"He was a hindrance," he continued, tone suddenly scathing. "No matter what I did, I could not get that idiot to leave your side. He was lovestruck, I'm sure." The high priest sneered at that, one of the bunny ears on his headband flopping down. "Enamoured with his little childhood friend and too damn lucky for any of my traps to succeed in removing him from the picture."

Farona's knees had started to shake as she looked back at him, trying to dismantle the so-called 'truth' he was spouting. It couldn't be true, could it? He and Ryshun got along while the three of them were traveling together. They exchanged jokes, they both teased her... and now he was saying that all along, he wanted the assassin dead? "Yune..." her voice pleaded.

"Though he did finally leave you just a few short weeks ago, didn't he? Before your accident revealed your little secret. I didn't need him dead so badly that I would go and track him down. He was more of an annoyance, than anything. And besides, without him in the way, my path to you was clear and open. All I needed was a reason for my sudden departure."

The little white ears on the side of her head flattened back. Somehow, she could tell this wasn't one of his jokes. Her voice was small as she spoke. "You followed me... for weeks. And even with him gone to find his sister... you still stayed hidden."

"Ah, I confess... you were absolutely fascinating to watch---especially on your own and without the influence of that childish baboon. I learned more from you in that time than I did with all that you willingly told me months and months ago. Ironic, isn't it?"

Her face flushed abruptly with building anger. "How dare you treat me like some object to---to STUDY. You're no better than those damn alchemis--"

"DON'T--" he interrupted with something that could only be classified as a roar. It echoed in the small chapel, bombarding her from all sides. And then he calmed, but his words, though soft and even, sounded anything but. "Don't you ever compare me to them."

"Oh, I-I..." She looked away awkwardly, her mind racing. Did that mean he didn't believe the lies those men were spreading? Was he actually saying, even indirectly, that he believed them to be as terrible as they really were? The thought made her heart swell in a strange way.

"Well, have another question for me?"

She stole a glance back at him, and noted with almost no surprise that he appeared as though his furious outburst hadn't even happened. The cheerful mask was right back in place, and now that moonlight had entered the enclosure, his features were clearer than before. And those rays of soft bluish-white light shined and reflected off of a certain accessory perched on the bridge of his nose. Nodding once, she kept her eyes rooted to the black shields guarding his gaze from her view. "...The sunglasses. You're wearing them even though it's dark in here. You wear them ALL the time... Why?"

Yune forced a laugh that didn't have even a smidgen of mirth in its depths. "You got quite a reaction from me about it once. Tell me, Farona, do you remember what happened?"

Her brows furrowed in thought. Yes, there had been that one time, about a month after they initially met. She thought him to be sleeping peacefully as his chest rose and fell in its prone position, the firelight from the campfire dancing and casting shadows along his form and the contours of his face. Her action had been impulsive, stirring from somewhere she couldn't even pin-point, but nonetheless, she had given in. Before she even knew what she was doing, the knight had reached her arm over, intending to pull the glasses off -- when with remarkable reflexes, he swiftly snatched her wrist just as her fingertips brushed the side of the solid object.

And he had warned her then that the sunglasses were not to be touched. Ever.

"You stopped me," she said. "And told me not to touch them."

His smile widened as he tip-tapped the side of his sunglasses. "Any theories about this one, Farona? You are a smart girl, after all."

She tilted her head slightly, studying his face in the light of the moon. "Well, you must have had something to hide. I thought maybe it was an injury or maybe the light was problematic to your eyes, or--" She cut off on a sharp gasp. During her vocal musing, he had reached up and removed the sunglasses. And he made no attempt to hide the scar that marred the area around his right eye.

However, even that was less shocking than the other thing he revealed with that simple gesture: His eyes were a deep, blood red. And there was something very eerie about his face as a whole that she couldn't put her finger on.

Yune smiled, stifling a throaty chuckle. "No surprise now, is it?"

That was definitely creepy, she decided. And part of her wished he would just put the sunglasses right back on. He looked far less intimidating that way.

"Tsk, tsk. Are you judging me, Farona? You of all people, I thought, would be able to understand..."

Understand. Understanding. That's what she wanted more than anything. And she felt a pang of guilt. So what if his eyes were a strange color and the pupils were slit? And the scar really didn't marr his features in any grotesque way. Who was she to judge when she was far more monstrous than he ever would be? She had their very blood running through her veins.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered. "I was just surprised---And I--"

"I might believe that," he spoke as he took a sweeping step nearer to her. "If you could actually look at me when you say it."

She visibly flinched, and hesitantly raised her head to meet his eyes. The smile was still there. But it seemed... strained?

"Don't worry, I understand," he assured her softly. "After all, I can't expect you to like what you learn about me. I even admitted to trying to get your friend killed. I make no claims to be some sort of perfect and altruistic high priest of the clergy." She merely gave a stiff nod.

"It was a lie that brought me this far, Farona," he stated almost casually. "Just like you, I lied to everyone to get where I am. Many wondered about the sunglasses - how could they not? And all I did was tell them one thing that solved everything."

Farona was beside herself with his revelations. Yune knew the pain of having to hide something that could ruin your life. Maybe he really did understand more than she ever could have imagined. She blinked curiously back at him. "...What did you tell them?"

He raised his hands up and looked to the ceiling, as though talking to someone else situated up there. "I told them that the Gods do not need to see my eyes. They wouldn't want their devout worshipers to question those that wished to follow them on something so trivial. They know our pasts and our futures. One cannot hide from the Gods."

She stared at him, awestruck. It really sounded like something that one from the church would say and believe in. The knight opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her by simply raising his hand.

"But there's more to the lie than that," he supplied with an almost wicked grin. She swallowed and he raised an eyebrow at her. "Really, that expression is unbecoming of you. There are no more murder attempts upon your friends involved in this explanation. I promise."

The smile he flashed her then looked genuine, but with everything she had heard about this man in the past few minutes, Farona couldn't be sure. Nonetheless, she gave a short, hesitant nod.

"I'll let you in on another well-kept secret, Farona. I don't believe in these 'Gods' at all." Her mouth fell open, but he either didn't notice or didn't care. "I desired to become a high priest for their powers and skills, not for their silly beliefs. And I wanted it badly enough that I was willing to put on an act. One that fooled everyone. And it worked flawlessly."

In that moment, he looked very proud of his achievement---his achievement of deceiving the entirety of the Prontera Church, and probably every single person that he ever met.

As quickly as the warmth of understanding flooded through, a cold blizzard blew in and froze her insides solid. "You don't really... you mean you never---all this time, you never cared about helping others or saving lives?"

She didn't want it to be true. He always seemed so happy, so cheerful---so helpful to everyone! He teased, he loved to joke, he was optimistic and... how could it be true? Was he really capable of wearing a mask that thick?

"Ah, but there we hit an important snag, my dear." She frowned at the name, but made no move to interrupt him. "You are correct in assuming that it usually meant little to me. I had bigger plans in mind. But like anything that is labeled 'absolute', there is always an exception..."

A dribble of hope seeped into her eyes. "So there was a time when you really were...?"

"Yes. There was a single exception. And she's standing right here in this very room."

[keplerinorbit]

Judgment: Shono Yoji

Continuing from my previous post about RGG Studios and their troubles with developing a well-rounded antagonist! I’m going to go in-depth on Shono Yoji, who isn’t the final combat boss but still looms over the entire story of Judgment. Again, heavy endgame spoilers ahead.

Shono’s endgame reveal is probably the best of any RGG game so far. He is genuinely fascinating from the moment he’s shown to us on-screen, and makes us very suspicious. Despite this, his withdrawn nature and his almost fearful way of interacting with everyone that confronts him makes us reluctant to think of him as the final puppet master.

( One of the early dialogue options actually has Yagami ask Shono if he’s frightened of Kido, which in the latter half of the game becomes a laughable notion. )

His character anchors the theme that a sympathetic human being with fundamentally good intentions can still be motivated to do horrible things. One of the best parts about his character is that his fear during the trial 3 years ago was genuine. The murder was an accident, and he panicked to cover it up.

His continued wariness over the years wasn’t fear of Kido, Ichinose, or even Kuroiwa– it was a fear of himself. A fear that perhaps what he did was not redeemable. That he had sacrificed his own morality for nothing in the end.

Just like Yagami, who couldn’t come to terms with the idea that he may have been wrong all those years ago when he got Okubo acquitted, Shono couldn’t come to terms with the idea that the murders he committed could be wrong. Yagami learned to face those fears again, while Shono never did. He just kept digging himself deeper and deeper.

Shono is at the heart of Judgment’s morality– he’s the darkness in everyone, a darkness pervasive in society as a whole. He believes that what he is doing is just, and others are drawn to that. They are willing to protect it, even as the cost grows higher and higher.

( At one point Mafuyu mentions that she understands where Morita was coming from considering his history. Yagami reminds her that it doesn’t matter what his motivation was. He was simply turning his eyes away away from a horrifying reality. )

But because of this, my biggest problem with Shono’s character comes from the murder of Terasawa Emi. The reveal that he personally killed her, before anyone else was involved, through the extremely violent and unforgivable method of stabbing her multiple times, injecting Okubo with alcohol, burning down the apartment...it was disappointing.

For starters, it just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It’s not so ridiculous that it breaks your suspension of disbelief while playing, but thinking about it afterwards makes things weird.

He had to know about Okubo’s sleeping meds and gamble on the fact the Okubo wasn’t going to wake up to identify him while he injected Okubo, stabbed Emi to death, set the apartment on fire, and make his getaway.

To put this into perspective, Okubo was so close to the body that blood is splattered all over him when the police walk him out of the apartment. Emi had to have been dragged screaming out of the same bed as him and then proceed to be stabbed to death next to his body.

He had to make sure he could do all of this, including getting in and out of the apartment, without leaving any traces he was there. This apartment wasn’t in the middle of nowhere– these people had neighbors (they’re all standing around the building in that cutscene).

To add onto this, Okubo didn’t die in the fire– the police walks him out while he’s still conscious. This means that the police most likely arrived relatively soon after the fire started. Okubo either woke up on his own and managed to protect himself from the smoke, or someone called the police very quickly after the fire started.

Okubo managed to make it out alive and insisted that he didn’t kill Emi. Whatever investigation the police or prosecution put up for this murder, they didn’t detect anything. Shono is not a trained killer like Kuroiwa– his first murder, which wasn’t too long ago, was literally done in a state of panic.

There are possible explanations and excuses you can make, but overall it’s not the most believable sequence in the game.

Having said that, I don’t normally mind plot twists that push our suspension of disbelief. RGG games are rife with these, and they’re great, dramatic ways to raise the stakes or reveal aspects of the characters’ true nature. But this twist, this monstrous side of Shono, undermines the thematic weight of his character.

Because here’s the thing: Shono doesn’t have to dirty his hands for us to find him monstrous. He is most dangerous when he doesn’t dirty his hands, when we, as the audience, want to sympathize with him the way Mafuyu sympathized with Morita. When he is genuinely scared and horrified by himself when he murders a patient in panic, we can understand him.

This is the human part of him, a reminder that he never wanted to be evil. It is the encouragement by those in power like Ichinose and the existence of skilled hitmen like Kuroiwa that allowed him to embrace that monster inside him.

Judgment is not just the story of a single man’s warped morality. It is about a system and society that allows for that type of warped morality to manifest in terrible, terrible ways. It is about how members of that society, like Yagami and Morita, often choose to turn their eyes away and run from the truth when they’re forced to question their own belief about justice.

That’s why I was so disappointed.

Shono showing us that he was already a monstrous man willing to brutally kill an innocent girl is a twist that isn’t very clever, doesn’t further the story, and doesn’t add weight to Shono’s character.

It’s just part of Judgment’s inability to commit to the hard thematic questions of justice and morality. Instead, it forces characters into absolute good and evil categories so that Yagami, and the audience, never have to doubt.

[someguyranting1]

What’s in a Scene? How SAO Became the Worst Anime Ever

Sword Art Online is ass. OP to ED and everything in between, the whole thing stinks and I hate it. But I didn’t always. As a matter of fact, when the series first started airing, I thought, “This is okay. I mean, I’ve seen better, but I’ve seen worse, too. I’ll see where this goes.” Somewhere between that and this, though, that stopped being my response to the show. At a certain point, I could no longer form words and was mostly just vomiting blood for the duration of each episode. And I’m not alone in that. Pretty much everyone over the age of 12 agrees that this show sucks.

What they don’t agree on is WHEN it started sucking. When did Sword Art Online get terrible? Some would say it happened when they locked the only likeable character in a rape dungeon and made Kirito’s sister want to fuck him. Others would point to the gratuitous tentacle rape scene, and boy, gee whiz, there sure is an excessive amount of sexual assault in this show. Then there’s the “I told you so” camp who say it was terrible all along and all of the bullshit just made you realize that after the fact.

For me, there’s a precise moment when Sword Art Online goes from being okay to being one of the worst fucking shows ever, and it’s all Yui’s fault. Yeah, you heard me: your innocent daughteru ruined fucking everything. Let me explain.

In the beginning, Sword Art Online had some stuff going for it. Not a lot (the fight choreography was always pretty bad, the cast was always bland, and the premise was never original), but it had a solid sense of tone. We’d seen “trapped in an MMO” stories before, but never with this kind of horror tinge to them. The world of Aincrad had this oppressive air hanging over it. From very early on, there was this sense that just about anyone could die at any moment. The first few episodes do a great job of establishing that. And while it didn’t break any new ground in terms of character writing, it had some good stand-alone episode plots, like the one where all of Kirito’s friends got murdered, and the whole murder mystery thing where they’re trying to figure out how somebody was breaking the rules of the game, and… Actually, those were the only really interesting episodes, but hey, lots of okay show have had less.

The main thing that the show had going for it early on was that underlying sense of dread. It felt like something where nobody, except for this one guy, was ever really safe. Nobody important died after the first few episodes, but that was fine...for a while. If the show was kill-happy all the time, that would be a problem in itself. You’ve gotta pace these things. It’s hard to get attached when characters are going in and out through a revolving door.

Still, by Episode 10, there had been enough near misses that it seemed like Kirito and his harem might be a little too invulnerable. It seemed like the right time to kill someone off to raise the stakes. It’s at this point that they chose to introduce Yui.

If you don’t know (congratulations, you’ve saved yourself from a shitty show), Yui is a little girl who Kirito and Asuna find wandering around the woods near their home and decide to adopt as their daughter. She’s sweet and innocent and might as well be walking around with a timer counting down to her sad death. It’s cheap and lazy enough to introduce a pure cinnamon roll character purely for the sake of killing them off, but that’s not nearly bad enough writing on its own to drag this show down to the total dog shit territory it now occupies.

The bigger problem with this is tied to what Yui is. Yui is actually a fully-sentient AI, which means that she’s the only character in the entire cast who, if killed, could be brought back. And that’s very, very bad for the show because if Yui dies and is then brought back, that renders the threat of death from a narrative standpoint permanently meaningless.

Remember: as of this episode, that’s the ONLY interesting thing about SAO. Death in media isn’t interesting because, “Oh, they’re dead! That’s sad! I’m sad!” It’s interesting because it inherently changes the dynamics of a story. A character who was once a force in the narrative now ISN’T. Any arc that they might have been going through is cut abruptly short, and from this point forward, the writers can’t rely on their presence to move the story forward or build up other characters.

Most stories never pull that trigger, and I’m cool with that because, like I said, it’s hard to write around. I’m okay with a show being a little toothless as long as the story is engaging and the characters are fun. Also, there are plenty of ways to make your characters suffer without killing them off.

However, when a show acts like death means something and then does something that very transparently reveals that the writers aren’t willing to sacrifice potential plot lines, it’s like watching Mickey Mouse take his head off at Disneyland: it ruins the magic. There are RULES against this kind of shit. If a character dies and is then brought back, you might as well write, “And then they got on a bus for a couple of weeks,” for all the fucking difference it makes.

Obviously when the show was airing, I was really dreading this prospect. I was hoping that the show would pull something out of left field, maybe fake me out and kill Asuna or Kirito off, instead of do the stupid, obvious thing that it was definitely going to do. But then, I got to the end of Episode 12 and I watched Kirito and Asuna mourn for little baby Skynet, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

IT WAS WORSE! They don’t just kill Yui off in the most trite way possible; they do it while immediately undercutting all of the dramatic weight of the moment because, as Yui is being deleted, Kirito pulls some techno wizardry out of his ass to store her in an inventory item. And because of that dumb dragon feather episode, we know that means she’s coming back. They could AT LEAST have left it ambiguous as to whether or not they could bring her back, but, “Nope! Can’t let anyone think their waifu might not come back! They might stop watching and giving us money!” However, even that isn’t the most asinine thing about this scene.

In this moment, as they reach the game master’s console in the depths of this dungeon, Kirito reveals the heretofore unknown fact that he’s a PhD-level programmer, thus irreparably ruining his character forever. Kirito was already stupidly overpowered, but at least it made a bit of sense. He was a beta tester, so his base skill level being higher than most other players’ was justified. Doing Kendo in real life gave him good reflexes. He also spent, like, the first year of the game solo queuing instead of socializing to reach his ridiculously high experience level. That became less believable as he also proved to be the most eligible bachelor on the entire Internet, but you can at least justify that as girls having a crush on him for saving their lives, rather than that coming down to any innate social skill on his part. It’s easy to justify a lot of things about Kirito because he has no defined personality at all. However, when you add to those traits the fact that he’s got the scripting skills to not just hack the game from inside it, but to custom-write code in the space of a few seconds to store data as an in-game object, I’ve gotta call bullshit.

Hacking games requires time and at least some knowledge of the source code. There’s no way Kirito has that. Even if the thousand or so carefully selected beta testers for SAO were data-mining the shit out of the game, they only had it for a little over a month during summer vacation and they only saw a fraction of the content. It would be hard to get a full picture of how the game works in that time frame under NORMAL circumstances, but SAO is also the first game of its kind, built from the ground up for incredibly complicated, brand-new proprietary hardware.

Already, Kirito’s doing something that nobody outside the company should know how to do, but even if we assume that there’s a command already in place to store a script as an in-game object, think about what he’s storing. Yui is a fucking AI, the most complicated kind of program conceivable. Her code needs to be immense to account for the broad variety of situations she might need to deal with, and it also needs to be capable of rewriting itself on the fly in real time. Kirito is taking that huge, complex code, saving its current state of operation, and converting that information into a custom item in a game whose script he must be figuring out in real time, all in the space of a few seconds. NO! NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE!

In this moment, Kirito ceases to be a real human being and I lose all suspension of disbelief for this entire show. It’s just not believable that any person could be capable of pulling off the shit that we’ve seen him do up to this point. Maybe some of it, but not all of it, and especially not A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD FUCKING CHILD!

Also, as if he wasn’t special enough already, the scene establishes a few moments earlier that he and Asuna are the only people to ever experience love or joy in SAO during the entire two years that the game has been running. This is so fucking stupid, it hurts!

This scene amazes me for how thoroughly it manages to ruin the entire show. It would be bad enough to ruin the whole story by implicitly admitting that they never plan to kill off anyone who’s had any kind of character development ever again (unless dying is part of their story arc), but in doing so, they also manage to make it impossible to relate to their PROTAGONIST. From this point forward, the show has no dramatic stakes. It CAN’T have any. Kirito’s been established to be able to do basically anything, and we now know for a fact that no one important will ever really die.

Furthermore, if you want to nitpick, this scene raises a ton of questions, too, the big one being, “WHY?! Why is THAT what Kirito did with his backhand access?” If he had the time to isolate a huge, complex program and store it as environmental data and write a custom script to save that file to his personal computer, why didn’t he, I don’t know, globally reactivate the game’s logout function? He had access to the fucking source code! And that would’ve been a lot simpler! There was probably just one value he needed to set from True to False, or maybe a few lines of code that had been commented out. Comparatively speaking, it would have been easy, and he’d have been saving, I don’t know, upwards of, like, 7000 people’s lives? But no. Preserving his wife’s Tamagotchi is a lot more important than that.

There’s been a lot of complaining in this review and not a lot of hard analysis, but that’s because there’s not much in this scene to analyze. This is one of the most flat, boring scenes that I’ve ever watched in anything. Every shot is static and dull, especially the obvious, predictable reaction shots that it uses to ham-fistedly attempt to tug at your heartstrings. Furthermore, the set is a blank, white room with nothing going on. There’s basically nothing to even look at here. That said, if nothing else, I guess I can take solace in the fact that nobody was even trying when they made the scene that ruined the whole show.