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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 3 months ago

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Code Blue Ch. 54 - Graveyard Stories

Summary: Shorter chapter packed with angst and truths.

*Chapter Warnings* Angst, language, mentions of rape

Chapter characters: Gerry, Lee, Josie

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

March 22, 2022

Heading to the hospital to see his dad and Luke, Gerry shook his head as he anxiously drove, constantly glancing at the golden wedding band through tear glazed eyes that threatened his circulation as he replayed the magical kiss over and over in his mind. The kiss that he stole from you only moments earlier that you allowed him to take. The kiss he could still taste that held the lingering remnants of your cherry chap stick. The kiss that you eventually pulled away from and adamantly told him it could never happen again as you ran back to Lee and left him standing there.

The memories of his life with you wouldn't leave him alone, especially now. He knew you felt something when your lips were joined with his. He felt it in the way your body responded to him. The way it used to respond to him. He could see it all as if it were only yesterday. Running hand in hand through the backyard of the guest house, holding each other as you both watched the sunset over the water. He heard the I love you's and felt the tender kisses. He smelled the breakfast he cooked the morning after as you came up from behind and wrapped your arms around his waist.

You may have felt some kind of compassion for Megan because of what happened to her but Gerry wasn't feeling it at all and if he got his way, she would be put behind bars for drugging him. One way or another, he was going to nail her for something. Her present karma wasn't good enough for what she took away from him.

Lost in his own memories, Lee slouched on a bench by his dad's headstone, mumbling the lyrics to a sad slow song he had softly playing on his cell as his eyes burnt from the tears he held back. Depression was eating at his very soul.

"I just think about my baby. I'm so full of love I can barely eat. There's nothin sweeter than my baby. I'll never want once from the cherry tree cause my baby's sweet as can be. She gives me toothaches just from kissin me."

A single tear strayed from his eye as he continued, his voice now choking up. "When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to her."

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Lee never listened to music much before he met you. He had usually been the suffer in silence type but now, the silence was too loud and he craved the sappy sounds. He would even seek them out, for every song he heard spoke your name somehow, someway and he would rather feel the pain of you than nothing at all. This ballad in particular painfully resonated with him. Through all of his fuck ups, all of his highs and lows, you were always there, loving him unconditionally with no judgment on his terrible choices and fixing him while he broke you.

He now struggled with the words that similarly described the day you found him. "When my baby found me, I was three days on a drunken sin. I woke with her walls around me, nothing in her room but an empty crib and I was burnin up a fever, didn't care much how long I lived, but I swear I dreamed her. She never asked me once about the wrong I did....."

Soft sobs puffed through his paused, parted lips as Lee gazed upon the 2 carat diamond ring while shifting it about between his fingers. It still managed to sparkle under the sunless sky and it reminded him of you, for you were the only thing that shined in the darkness around him.

For just a little over 5 grand, he chose a highly renowned jeweler in Boston to have the the magical masterpiece tailor-made just for you after he had gained your mother's blessing to take you by his side. It had to be just right. It had to be special because you were the only one to ever make him want the family life for no other reason than love and what made the silver symbol even more unique was the single word inscribed inside the band. Forever.

Before heading to the cemetery, Lee had had made the 30 minute drive to Boston to pick it up which he had planned to do days ago when the jeweler had called him...the call that you walked in on and asked about after his morning run and he had told you it was just spammers. He felt a little fib was worth keeping the momentous surprise a surprise. What he didn't expect though was that you would later believe the call to be some conspiracy involving Elizabeth's attack, but how could he blame you for that after all he had kept from you and even still was keeping from you? He figured if he had the ring in his possession and stared at it long enough, it would give him the push he needed to spill his guts and it was doing the trick. Lee planned to tell you everything when you arrived. What he feared though, was what he had feared all along. That when you learned the truth, would you even want him anymore?

Leaning forward, elbows on his knees, Lee closed his eyes and sighed as he rested his chin on his hands, letting the ring softly graze his bottom lip. It was almost 6 o'clock. It had been 2 hours since your text that told him you would come.

"I don't think she's coming dad." Lee whispered to the granite headstone that now held both of his parent's names. "But I cannot blame her. Now that you're gone, your mind is whole again and you remember what happened. You finally know the truth. I can only imagine what you must think of me now. If you were here, would you still call me a good son?"

Another tear slid down his cheek as Lee remembered the last time he saw his dad. He had brought him the locomotive to Jacob's train set as a gift for his birthday and for some reason, it sparked something in his memory impaired father. He became lucid. The most he had ever been during his residency in assisted living and those times were always far and few between. Lee had never went along with his dad's delusions of the past which was something he knew he shouldn't have done. He would bluntly tell his father that that his wife and grandson were dead. His guilt was unbearable, so Lee told himself he would never lie to his father again. But that day, just that once, Lee decided to play along and let his father believe they were coming for his party. Once his dad saw the engine though, he knew they weren't coming. He knew they were dead, but he only remembered the reason Lee told him his wife died. It was what everyone was told. A heart attack. That day was when his dad understood what Lee had been trying to do and that was when he told Lee he was a good son. Later that night, his father passed away in his sleep and knowing what Lee knew now, with all he himself had seen, they WERE coming for the party, to take him home on the train.

Your voice then sounded from behind him. "Of course he would Lee."

Lee's hand snapped closed over the ring and as he clumsily stood up to face you, he discreetly slipped it into his pocket.

"You...you're here." he gasped with excitement.

Wanting to run into the arms that desperately wished you would, you refrained, forcing yourself not to touch him or it would all be over for you. You were only strong enough to resist him at a distance. "I could say the same thing to you. I figured you would have left by now since I'm 2 hours late. I'm so sorry Lee."

His eyes begged for you to hold him as he reached his hand out to you. "I told you I would wait for you and I always will. No matter how long it takes. Please Jo. I miss you so much."

"I...I think it's best if I just stay right here."

Lee slowly lowered his hand and his smile that held the little last bit of hope he had, fell. "Oh..uh ok. I...I understand."

"Lee...I know how hard today is for you but...are you...ok? I mean, you...you look like hell and you're jittery."

He softly chuckled and nervously rubbed the ungroomed stubble on his face. "Oh, that. Long night, lack of sleep. Probably too many Red Bulls, life of a doctor, missing you, you know. So...did you listen to my voicemail or read my texts?"

"Yeah, I did. Your words were beautiful and moving Lee. They always are, but they're not going to make the elephant in the room disappear. It can't be ignored anymore. It's now or never Lee."

"Alright." he sighed and picked up two roses from the bench that he brought for his mom and dad and placed them on the fresh mound of dirt that had only slightly settled.

Lee then sat down and gazed up at you, waiting for you to sit. Your nerves had your stomach in knots as you sat beside him on the small bench, careful not to touch him, but that didn't even matter because his scent of Drakkar was just as torturous and it was all you could breathe in with being that close to him. He then blew out a hard breath and attempted to begin.

"Where to start Lee, where to start?" Lee anxiously mumbled to himself as he kept his eyes from yours. "Ok, well as you probably have figured out already, I worked with Luke for the WSB. Back then, what he did intrigued me. He said it helped him tremendously with his pent up anger, taking out the bad guys and all and so he got me in, trained me and he was right. It helped me too, dealing with all the shit I went through with Ethan and Liz and not being happy in my medical career. At the time, I really felt I was meant to do it. It felt right, it felt good and I was damn good at it too, but that was until...."

Lee paused and closed his eyes, holding his breath. You could see the emotional pain consume his face and this time, you couldn't help yourself. You slid your hand over his and squeezed, frightened he would have another panic attack.

"Hey, it's alright. You're...alright. Take your time and just breathe."

He let the breath go and allowed his teary eyes to meet yours as he smiled and squeezed your hand back. "You are my air Jo. But I know I need to breathe on my own and face my demons. Right now, it's Satan himself in the form of guilt, regret and shame because.....it's me Jo...I'm responsible for my mo...."

Your phone rang and it was your mom's ringtone so you had to answer it in case something happened with Megan. "So sorry Lee, it's my mom, which I need to tell you something too."

"Yeah baby, of course, answer it."

"Ma, what is it?"

"Joey, what on earth is this about Gerry and Megan??? He just came here all fired up, shouting at her about you and that other detective had to force him to leave before security came. I thought he was going to strangle her!! Is this why you left so upset?? What did Megan tell you?? Jo, I demand to know what is going on right now!!!!"

"Oh god, I...I knew Gerry was upset but I..I never thought he would...never mind. Mom, I'm sorry but...you'll have to ask Megan about it because now is not a good time and quite frankly, she deserved his wrath. I have to go and I'll call you later to check in."

"What?? Not a good time...Joey don't you hang up on..."

You tapped the end call button and heavily sighed while Lee turned his entire body to face you and rubbed your shoulder. "Jo, sweetheart, what happened? I could hear your mom shouting?"

"Ugh!" you huffed. "Megan is what happened. Lee, she was brutally and sexually attacked and left for dead and Dave found her. She's in the hospital and seems to have some memory loss about it all, but I just know it had to be Ethan retaliating because she told Luke she thinks he took Blaise."

"Jesus! Ok...well, what does Gerry have to do with that? I mean, why is he so angry with her?"

"Yeah that." you gulped as your chest tightened. "I have a confession of sorts myself. I was late because I went to find Gerry. Megan decided she was going to have a guilty conscience over her near death experience and she told me that she and Gerry...they never slept together. She....she drugged him and set it all up out of her jealousy over me."

Lee's slouched posture slowly stiffened right up as both his eyes and mouth gaped at you in shock. "O..oh...I...see...." he softly stuttered. "So um, you went straight to tell him. Aside from his anger about it all, I'm sure he was over the moon knowing he is innocent and probably even thinks he has a shot at getting you back. Am I right? What do you feel about it...him.. now?"

"I...I told him it doesn't change how I feel and that I'm not going back to him. It all still happened and I believed it to be true for so long and I told him, reminded him actually that I...I love you."

"So I was right. He did instantly think he could get you back."

"Well...yes. That's why I told him all that and...." you sighed. "Lee, I don't keep things from you and I'm not going to start now. Gerry....kissed me."

Lee's eyes fell from yours. He was just as stunned as you were that you told him, but he was more so hurt. "And..." he whispered with a slight quiver. "Did you kiss him back?"

"I.....Lee...it just happened so fast. He grabbed me out of nowhere and.."

"Jo, that's not what I asked you. A simple yes or no is all that's needed."

"Then it would be both yes and no. I was caught off guard and I didn't react right away. It was a few seconds and then I swear to you Lee, I pushed him away and told him he could never do that again and I left."

Lee's equanimity held an eeriness you'd never felt before. "Oh, well then I guess it's inconsequential and we can all forget about it and move on."

He stood up, placed his hands in his pockets and turned his back to you, then switched up the conversation to something else you dreaded telling him. "So obviously, you finally found Dave and...you said he found Megan. How did that all come about?"

"Can't we talk about that some other time and go back to before we were interrupted? I'll shut my phone off and..."

"No." he snapped, still facing away from you. "I want to talk about it now."

Now you stood up. "Well that's convenient for you huh?"

Lee side eyed you. "I'm not deflecting if that's what you're getting at. I said I'd tell you and I will but it seems to me...." he paused and then faced you, speaking with a cold and sarcastic tone. "that a lot has happened in the past 48 hours that we have been apart and all the while, you ignored me so I'd like to be brought up to speed on what my girlfriend has been doing. Is that so fucking wrong of me?"

"N..no." you softly stammered. "You...you're right. It's just that...the thing with David...it's a sensitive matter to you and.."

"Well now it can't be any more sensitive than another man's lips on my girlfriend, so just spit it out Jo."

"You won't see it that way when I tell you, so...ok then. Dave can see the dead and like you, he saw Jacob and he called me. He said Jacob came to him and told him about Megan and that's how he ended up finding her. She was trapped in the tunnels of Train Town of all places and Jacob told him that Liz was attacked there as well. He was going to go there and look and I didn't think he should because whomever attacked them could have still been around, but he still went and then the call between us dropped while he was there searching and I panicked because Dave didn't answer after that, so I ended up calling Landy to go out there with me and..."

You paused when Lee's eyes began to flit from your blinding words and then he became unsteady on his feet. Gasping, you quickly latched onto him and guided him to the bench.

"I've got you, sit down and breathe. Lee, I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you all this right now. Now do you see why? You're dealing with too much already."

His lips parted and his brows furrowed as he intensely peered down into your eyes. "So..I'm not crazy? I...I really did see my son?"

You stroked his hair and gently wiped the corner of his leaking eye. "I have never thought you were crazy Lee. I always believed you about Jacob. Yes...you really saw him. Lee, he's clearly trying to help in some way and maybe even warn us about something bad that's going to happen because after witnessing rust water very similar to blood come out of Dave's shower and then later in my shower and out of Gerry's sink a few hours ago, I feel it's a sign, possibly from Jacob and I'm scared Lee. I keep thinking of my dream with Liz and Ethan and when Jacob appeared and stood next to you and you and then there was a loud noise and you were bleeding and he said Daddy was going to ride the train too and..."

It was as if Lee had not heard a word you said. "Dave's shower? Why would you be there?"

One terrible habit you always had was not thinking before you spoke when you were upset or nervous, especially if you weren't prepared and you were definitely NOT prepared to tell him all of this because today was just supposed to be about his story. You should have never told him you were there because now you had to explain something you knew Lee would not understand. Once again, you were quite anxious and just began rambling.

"Megan was admitted yesterday evening and I stayed at the hospital with mom for awhile and then it got late and Landy insisted I go home and rest and he would watch over mom. I didn't want to leave but then Dave talked me into going to his place instead of me going back to my apartment alone. I really didn't want to be alone either or deal with Craig, who by the way, was super pissed at me about Blaise just as I knew he would be and he wanted me to move out, which he later changed his mind and we made up and so... I hadn't seen Dave in awhile so I just thought I'd hang out with him like we used to do...just as friends. We watched a movie, I had some drinks and I went to bed in his guest room. That was it. The next day, he was in the shower and I heard him yell and that's when he told me about the rust and then freaking Luke showed up to harass Dave with questions about Megan because Dave hadn't answered his calls and then I got into an argument with Luke over you and I lost my temper and shoved him and then almost got arrested. Jerk even put cuffs on me but then later, he changed his mind and let me go and yeah...so that's pretty much everything that's happened."

Lee seemed spaced out after your info dump, as he just gazed at you blankly and you knew it was because he was trying to process everything you just unloaded on him, which was just way too much. What you didn't know, even as well as you knew Lee, was what would happen next because lately, Lee had become unpredictable, a wild card per se, with his behavior and to add fuel to the fire that was now burning inside of him, your phone beeped which you forgot to shut off.

Lee's eyes swooped down like a hawk at the screen before you could even react. "Who's Jeffrey?"

You could have sworn you just swallowed your own heart as it leaped up in your throat. There was no way you were going to tell him the gory details of all that, at least not now, so you improvised and began with a truthful, but paraphrased version. "He umm...he works for Craig, gardening and...stuff."

His eyes flowed back up to yours in such a slow pace that it raised the hairs on the back of your neck. "Gardener huh? You have your landlord's gardener's number AND...he's texting you. Hmmph. Well...go ahead....read it."

You were certain Lee noticed the small tremors of your hand as you picked up your phone and opened the message, staring at it. "Well don't leave me in suspense here baby. What does your landlord's gardener have to tell you?"

You stuttered in a squeaky voice as you read it. "Hey darlin. I got time to fix that busted tail light tomorrow morning and then it's happy huntin with Lucille for those little piggies. Shoot me a text and let me know if you'll be cumming."

As usual, Jeffrey had to play dirty with his words, so It was definitely better that you read the text to Lee than if he would have read it himself, but the text alone was just enough to set off a silent bomb inside of Lee.

"Well he sure is a handyman ain't he? Wonder if Lucille thinks so too. Is...that his...girlfriend?" Lee probed so you would tell him more.

"Lee, just let me explain."

His sarcastic grin was intimidating. "Explain away.....darlin."

"Lee, stop it. Look, after Luke dropped me off at my apartment, I began packing some of my stuff. I was going to go stay with mom for awhile to help her with Megan when she came home, plus whoever did this to Megan is still out there, which again, I feel is Ethan but Megan, for some reason, feels it wasn't him. Anyways, those asshole hillbillies from the bar that chased me, Luke and Landy, drove by when I was putting my stuff in my car. Of course, they stopped when they saw my car and hassled me. Jeffrey was outside and intervened to help and so did Craig when he saw what was happening. They're the ones who busted my light and Jeff and Craig handled the situation. That's all. Jeff wanted me to have his number in case more of them bothered me again."

Lee stared at you for a moment, then stood back up and slowly scuffled about before swirling back around to face you.

"So let me see if I've got this shit show straight. You were supposed to meet me here so I could finally clear the air about my past, which I had every intention of doing, but you ran straight to Gerry and his lips instead and left me worried and waiting because his feelings and your past with him were much more important than my feelings and my past that you have been constantly on my ass about revealing because the situation with Gerry couldn't wait to be discussed at a later time. And then there's Dr. Dave who also came before me and that you were willing to put yourself in possible danger for and who's house you spent the night in, drinking and watching movies like you would normally do with your me, your boyfriend, all because you missed him and didn't want to be alone, yet I was right there, working at the hospital when you were there and you knew that and you could have came to me instead and then, enter Landy, my best fucking friend whom you also turned to for help instead of me. Then we go onto Craig the landlord of a mafia ring and men's cologne and comforting arms whom you've also been so worried about, yet he kept from you the fact that your brother was still alive. How easily you let him out of the doghouse and forgave him for such a secret, but not me and then there's the so called gardener that you've known for merely a hot minute and he's got your number, texting you, offering to fix your car and offing people who fuck with you, because let's face it darlin, he's no gardener and let us not forget good old Lukey who you got to go joy riding with once again and all the while that you were doing all of this, I was alone and worried sick that I was losing you on top of everything else I was dealing with and I needed you, but you needed and chose them and all their chaos instead because apparently, mine is just too much for you, or maybe I'm just too much for you."

You sat motionless with tears now streaming down your face, unable to blink or break the locked stare with Lee's ruthless eyes as you growled through a shaky voice. "You know why I didn't come to you."

"Oh, that's right. Because you don't trust me anymore and it's quite clear you don't need me anymore either. All over MY past that's actually none of your damn business."

"How is it not my business??? Your past involved Peter or should I say Sam and he was part of my past too and you knew that and kept your involvement with him to yourself! He's still alive, even if in prison, and still a threat to me AND to you. You don't even know the half of what he did to me! and Gerry said he's causing a commotion about wanting to talk to me. Maybe I should have went to see him because we both know he's dying to tell me what YOU should have told me a long time ago."

"Then go Jo. Go fucking see him. Let him spin his side of things because he's such a truthful guy."

"How about you just finish telling me already. I'd rather hear it from you. Not him, not Luke. YOU. Just tell me Lee. What happened?"

Lee rubbed his entire palm over his face as he groaned, then let it slap down onto his hip and shook his head. "God, I can't take this anymore. It's never enough for you is it? Fine Jo, you win. Here it is in a fucking nutshell and that's the best you're going to get from me because I'm done with this and if it's not good enough for you, well then that's just too damn bad baby. My mother and my father are in those graves right there because of me. My father never had Alzheimer's and my mother didn't die from a heart attack. They were shot in the head, in front of me, by Peter's insane terrorist brother Charles Rane. My dad survived. My mother didn't. It was covered up by the WSB and it was all because of Luke's fucked up operation to take the Rane of terror down. It was then that I went and blew Rane sky high. Peter was never even there or involved so technically, he had nothing to do with it or me. So there ya go Jo. You finally got it out of me. Do you feel better now that I had to relive all of it and speak of something I never speak of or am even permitted to do because of a little thing called classified?? No one knows except obviously Luke and of course your brother and now you. Gordon don't even fucking know and Peter and his daddy Faison only knew so much at the time because Rane was eliminated less than 2 hours after it all happened, but they obviously later found out enough to come after me that night at the hospital when Gerry took Faison out. The end."

"Lee...I...my god...I...I'm so sor..."

His face was expressionless, numb if you were to be exact just as his tone. "Don't. You didn't care for the past 2 days when I needed you. I'm not enough for you. You don't trust me but I...I trusted you. You finally got what you wanted. My truth and now you get to live with it just as I do. I'm done. We're done. Goodbye. Fuck forever."

@redeemer46

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#lee pace #leeepfrog #code blue #lee pace fanfiction #love stories #dark stories #dark fiction #original character #jolee #gerard butler #gerry butler #Youtube

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good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic · 2 years ago

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Living+ and That Gleam in Kendall's eye

Succession 4x6. Why does almost every new episode this season end with me feeling both sick to my stomach and buzzed to all hell? My hands are still trembling.

I have so much to say!

About Kendall and Roman watching their dead father insult them on videos played on loop whether real or edited, Shiv finally confronting her brothers like I always wanted her to instead of bottling up her hurt over their betrayal, the cheapening of the siblings' hug as everything "real" becomes repackaged as a negotiating tactic, ...

... Roman's spiralling grief and insecurity manifesting as he pushes people away and carelessly fires any woman who appears to question him and his place as Logan's son, Gerri noticing something off and giving him a reality check only for him to turn on her so viciously, ...

... the rekindling of Tom and Shiv's unconventional romance when they play "bitey", tease one another and she lets him in with Matsson, Tom's greatest strength being his honesty and his ability to show vulnerability in admitting that the money does matter to him but also calling her out in the process, ...

... Ken's event-planning fact-fudging number-cooking night of chaos and Hollywood mania, his businessbro techspeak jargon at an all-time high, Karl confronting him and trying to straighten him out with a dose of reality, only for Kendall in his Maverick-from-Top-Gun-inspired flight jacket to brush him off, unphased, ...

But I just have to talk about IT.

The gleam in Kendall's eyes.

Kendall's presentation was somehow more harrowing, more painful, more ridiculous and just all-round worse than L to the OG.

The sincerity with which he lays himself bare before the world — "big shoes, big big shoes, big big shoes" big nervous breakdown — the palpable second-hand embarrassment from watching him try to talk to an edited deepfaked video of his father to gain some kind of closure after death — the sickening nature of enterprises like Living+ which take advantage of people's fear of their own mortality and prey on the elderly — the horrifying realization that creeps up on you as you realize while watching this play out, that Ken is exploiting and commodifying his grief and confusion over his father's death, his vulnerability and fragility here functioning as manipulation, as a marketing tactic, whether he knows it or not — all as the world watching him (incredibly) applauds his stark raving mad proposal because nothing is ever sacred to these people.

It's the funniest and worst thing all at once.

And somehow — and this really says something about the state of the world — when these cringe billionaires hopped up on their own hype, hallucinations and delusions of grandeur, especially the ones in tech, make outlandish promises even a child would know better than to take seriously, the world feeds their egos, cheers their cults of personality and allows them to get away with anything because they're not insane! They're just eccentric visionaries, maybe even geniuses. It's genuinely frightening.

Hey, but at the very least, when Number 1 Boy walks into the ocean, an image that had my heart leap into my throat and fill with foreboding, he's floating up with his head facing the sky.

(When this new high inevitably fades, he will definitely sink, and I can't bear to watch it.)

And yeah, of course Lukas Matsson tweets disgusting Holocaust "jokes". Fuck him.

Oh, and was I the only one who thought I might have been watching behind-the-scenes footage or a special feature by accident when the episode first came on with Logan Roy against a green screen? I really though it was just Brian Cox for a second there and thought HBO had fucked up!

#succession #kendall roy #shiv roy #roman roy #tom wambsgans #roy siblings #succession s4e6 #succession s4 #succession spoilers #succession hbo #sur #sur rambles

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distortionenby · 3 years ago

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More Michael headcanons because YES.

It can and will say ª out loud

Michael spooks birds for some reason. It doesn't understand why but it makes it a little sad.

Is it up to mischief? Always. Kind of. Is your post-it notes block gone? Maybe. Are the two things related? You shall find out. Everyone shall find out :)

We have somewhat established Michael has retained a love for ABBA. But we're missing the untapped potential of DAVID BOWIE AND ELTON JOHN.

Also, Hotel California was put on its playlist by Tim. It doesn't understand the joke as it is not Californian in any way, nor does it want just any random guests. You need a signed invitation >:(

The rare times it sleeps, tiny confetti-like spirals spurt around it. Just, tiny colorful squiggles appear in the air and then pop back into nothingness.

Michael Shelley saw in theaters the Hair musical (not Hairspray. Hair) and now Michael (Distortion) sometimes blurts out some of the songs while giggling.

It cooks! How? Without being allowed to use its hands as tools, of course. Please stop cutting vegetables with just your fingers, baby, I don't think that's really sanitary.

Sometimes it can blink. Like an owl. One eye and then the other. Sometimes it also changes eye colour with some of the blinks.

It doesn't like beanbags. Only it can "swallow" things into itself. Bean bags are competition.

It drinks from juice boxes. Easier to hold.

The archival staff is still not sure whether they can trust Michael. Gerry is the only one who feels comfortable with trusting it. Jon and Martin have their reservations but 98% of the time they're fine with it.

Everyone was so sure its dancing skills would be the generic stiff white boy dancing. But it dances more like that Squidward dance sequence where he just like... Wiggles? Idk how to describe it, sorry.

Helen is the ballroom dance gal but Michael manages to get her excited enough to try the dance too. It's awkward. But she has fun.

Michael Shelley, on the other hand, did not know much dancing and rather tapped onto things for rhythm or nodded and hummed along the music.

The Distortion CAN be influenced by things like alcohol. Funnily enough, its laughter find a way to synch itself into a human-sounding laugh. Everyone is way more disturbed that it laughs that way even without the distorted sound.

Its favourite "fun" food is cake sprinkles. Also frosted animal crackers because the poor animals are most times as fucked up as it, if not worse.

Bonus young Michael Shelley headcanon:

I'm planning to write several of these HCs on a fic and this one is key for the timeline.

Michael started working at the archives at 14 after his mum's passing, but was "officially hired" at 16.

The Lukas' family sort of helped him pay through school and he even got a scholarship, which he turned down as to not leave Gertrude on her own. (Even though only he thought he had to stay, Gertrude didn't).

#magnus archives #magnuspod #michael distortion #michael shelley #rusty quill tma #the distortion #the magnus archive #the magnus archives #the spiral #tma michael #tma spiral #tma headcanons #tma distortion #tma michael shelley #disenbypost #disenbyfandom

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mcufox123 · 3 years ago

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Table 5

Summary: You are a 5-star chef. What happens when two avengers enter your restaurant.

WandaxFemReader

AN: this is going to bea multichapter series.

Warning: Slow burn

I do not own any of the marvel characters.

Chapter 2. Chapter 3 Chapter4 Chapter5 Chapter6

Hiss. You heard as you dropped a piece of halibut into the frying pan. You had ten order fires for your famous white fish dish. You sauteed the veggies and spinach that went along with the dish. It was hot in the kitchen, but you kept your head down and just kept working. It was a busy Saturday night at the 5-star restaurant you worked at. the kitchen was on the floor so all its patrons could see you hard at work.

You loved your job. You threw everything you had into the prep work during the day and the excitement of 10 order fires at a time at night. You laid the plates out and set them up so all you had to do was place the fish on top. Your eyes never left your station to look at the patrons. With your rough hands that had suffered many burns and scars, you placed a dish on the table to be taken out when you looked up momentarily and was completely caught off guard.

You looked up to see one of the most beautiful women you had ever laid eyes on. Her reddish hair fell perfectly around her face which held the most beautiful emerald eyes. You watched as a tall man pulled out the chair for her as she went to sit down. Your trance was cut off by Bill asking if the dish was ready to be taken out. You nodded as you wiped your hands on your towel.

“Bill keep me updated on what table 5 orders.” You said giving him a stern look at turning to finish the other 9 halibuts on the stove. Every time you put another plate on the table your eyes went to her.

“You know we have two avengers in here tonight?” Bill asked as up put up another fish.

“We do?” you asked interest peaked, thoughts drifting from table 5 for a moment.

“Yeah, Vision and the Scarlett witch. Vision told the hostess that he was going to propose here tonight. They’re over at table 5.” You looked over and your stomach dropped. The women who you had stolen glances of was about to be engaged, not to mention she was one of the most powerful beings in the world.

You covered up your disappointment as you told Bill to keep you posted on their order. Ten minutes later he informed you that they ordered a fish and a steak.

“I’m going to run their platters; you keep an eye on the fish when I do.” You informed Gerry who was working at the station next to you. You plated the fish and waited for the steak. When both were ready you wiped your hands, brushed down your hair and made sure you looked somewhat presentable.

You grabbed the platters and made your way across the restaurant. The servers were eyeing you suspiciously. You never leave your station; the governor even came to dine at your restaurant and requested to see you and you turned him down choosing to continue to cook. The only other time you left your station was when your mom was in town and decided to eat at your restaurant. You set the meat in front of Vision eyeing him up. He looked like an alright guy. Then you turned and put the fish in front of the Scarlett Witch.

“I am Chef Y/N, welcome to Contento. I hope you enjoy your food and if you need anything I will be working right over there.” You said talking mostly to the women glancing at the man occasionally.

“Thank you, Chef Y/N.,” Vision said trying to get your eyes off his girlfriend. The beautiful women just kept smiling at you.

“Enjoy!” you said while backing away from the table. You made your way over to your station picking up where you left off with the fish you were cooking. You glanced up at table 5 when you put another dish up.

Vision was on one knee and the Scarlett Witch had her hand to her mouth. You could see him talking and you could see tears form in her eyes. You became extremely uncomfortable at that moment and seemed to hold your breath.

Vision stopped talking and you could see the woman shake her head no as he got up off the ground. Then an argument between the two seemed to start. Vision held his hand up before walking out of the restaurant as the woman sat back in her seat with her head in her hands.

She sat there for the rest of the night. She ordered the chocolate cake and a bottle of wine. All night while you were working you continued to glance at table 5 to see if she was there. Usually, you would tell the servers to kick people like that out but when your most trusted server asked if you wanted her out you shook your head no. You finished up for the night and cleaned up your station. Instead of doing your normal prep for the next day you decided to pour yourself a glass of wine. You watched as the woman continued to sit at table 5.

“Should I tell her to leave or just start wrapping up the night?” Bill asked you.

“Just start wrapping up, I’ll take care of her.” You assured him. You stood behind your station continuing to drink your glass of wine trying to figure out the woman who sat in your restaurant. The servers and staff finished up for the night and one by one waved at you as they left through the back door. You waved back and finally decided to make your way to table 5.

“You have officially been the customer to stay the longest at my restaurant.” You say walking over to table 5 with the bottle of your best wine and wine glass in hand. You take a seat across from her

“Oh, I am so sorry! I didn’t even realize. Wow where did everyone go?” she said looking around the restaurant now realizing it was empty.

“The restaurant officially closed an hour and a half ago and my staff just left about 10 minutes ago.” You informed her.

“Oh my gosh its midnight.” She said now finally looking at her phone then at the dishes on her table. “And I left a mess, I can clean this up just let me know where it goes.” She said while stacking glasses and trying to brush up the crumbs. You put your hands on tops of hers to stop her and feel warmth spread throughout your body. Your eyes meet and you gave her a little smile.

“It’s totally ok just leave it. You are more than welcome to stay; I saw what happened tonight. I just wanted to let you know that I will be over there cooking.” You said as you picked up your wine glass leaving the bottle behind.

“Would you mind if I came over there and watched?” she asked hesitantly. You glanced back and saw hopeful eyes.

“Not at all Scarlett Witch.” You saw her flinch at the name.

“Please, call me Wanda. Scarlett Witch is just for the media really.” You smile and nod. You pulled up a barstool where Bill usually stands on the other side of the station, while you grab some veggies to cut. You had decided to make your own dinner tonight instead of eating a bag of chips.

“What are you making?” she asks as she sits on the stool and watches you curiously.

“I’m not sure yet, but whatever it is it’ll be my dinner.” You said honestly.

“Come here.” She instructed you and you don’t know why but you listened. You made your way around the station and saw her stand up from her seat and pointed for you to sit. “You have been working all night, you let me stay way past close, and you gave me a $500 bottle of wine to drink. Get off your feet drink some wine and let me cook.” She informed as she made her way around to where you had been just seconds before.

“Thank you, not many people are willing to tell a head chef to chill.” You said to her. You watched her as she pulled her hair back and began to expertly cut the vegetables. “And you know your way with a knife, remind me not to cross you.” You chuckled.

“Well, I like to cook myself. I try to cook something new whenever I can. I started cooking when I was young with my family in Sokovia.” She said as her cutting slowed obviously lost in a memory.

“I can relate to that; I grew up in an Italian family. I started when I was old enough to hold a knife.” You said adding to the conversation.

The conversation continued to flow as she began to throw them in a sauce pan. She searched your station for her next ingredients. Usually no one was allowed to go through your station, but you were curious to see what she was making.

“So, I know it is absolutely none of my business but are you ok?” you asked full of concern. You saw her freeze her search on a momentary pause before she continued to look pretending as if she didn’t hear you. You decided to keep talking.

“I was almost engaged once. I have been in this industry since I was 15. I have thrown everything I have into becoming the best. Two years ago, I started dating this girl. We dated for a year even moved in together. She tried to rush everything, like she was trying to prove something to herself. So, when she proposed I had to decline. Instead, I moved out and opened this restaurant. Hurting people is hard but sometimes it’s for the best.” You said trying your best to comfort her.

She seemed very concentrated on the chicken she was now expertly filleting. “We weren’t in love love. He’s my best friend and we do everything together, but I was never attracted to him. When he asked me out, I said yes and now it’s been two years. All because I was scared, I would lose him if I didn’t. Now I ruined everything.” She said turning from you to put the chicken in the pan.

It was quiet for a minute before you heard a sniffle. She turned around wiping her eyes and trying to pull it together.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to unload all of this after crashing your night. I should probably just leave you be.” She said while wiping her hands on the towel and turning to leave your station.

“Hey its ok, you’re ok. I enjoy your company.” You said while reaching out for her hand. She turned and looked at you curiously.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she said looking in your eyes for any trace of insincerity.

“I, I, I don’t know, but I feel like, like you can be good to me. That maybe you’re the one who can teach me something. What that is I have no idea, but I want to know. And I want to do the same for you.” You said knowing that you probably sound like a mad idiot to this strange woman who you have only known for an hour.

She continued searching your face. “Your strange and bold. I like that.” She said while squeezing her hand before going back behind your station.

You sat back down and continued to watch the woman who piqued your interest continue to cook.

#wanda #wanda maximoff #wanda marvel #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #vision #marvel #Avengers #The Avengers

166 notes · View notes

theskywaslookingback · 3 years ago

Note

tma fic recs please ? 🤲🏽

Oooooo yes! I never get asks like this, thank you!

[my tumblr fic recs tag is here for browsing]

I had to put it under a cut because it got...entirely too long barely half an hour into making it, sorry.

Under 5k

means of cartharsis by orphan_account [G] [965]

“You’d think – you’d that at this point nightmares would be second nature for me, hm?” Martin says, forcing a smile even as he tugs the blanket tighter around his trembling shoulders.

It’s meant to be a bit funny. Instead of laughing, though, Jon frowns.

“No,” he says simply, and matter-of-factly wipes the moisture from Martin’s cheeks with a tissue like he’s a crying child.

A Proper Sleepover by Goodluckdetective (scorpiantales) [T] [1.4k]

In a different world, one where Elias is not waiting for them outside the Lonely, everyone has a chance to savor a moment of respite. As much as they can get these days. If only to talk about things that long need to be spoken.

“Basira says we should all sleep in the same room tonight,” Jon says without looking up. “Safer. So we can keep an eye out for intruders and also each other.”

“So we’re having a proper sleepover then?”

Jon scoffs. “Technically we’ve been having a proper one for months.”

where i go, when i go there by rainny_days [T] [1.7k]

Martin wants Jon to hold his hand. Martin doesn't want Jon to hold his hand.

It's complicated.

all the other ways by AptlyNamed [G] [2.2k]

Jon loses his first soul mark when he is eight years old.

a palace from ruin by bibliocratic [G] [2.2k]

"What're you sorry for?” Martin asks.

“I should have asked,” Jon says finally. “I'd never.... you were always so private about him, so I mean, at first I wasn't sure he was even yours, but then – when you, when you went with Peter, and I – he was so small, and I thought he was h-half-dead. S-so I picked him up and I carried him. And I'm sorry.”

interiors by doomcountry [T] [2.7k]

In the doorway, he fumbles with his keys. Their sound is loud in the silent stairwell. You don’t remember getting here.

searching for a light (for a right) by Kalgalen [T] [2.7k]

Some people make the mistake of assuming he's naive about sex, for the simple reason he hasn't dated in a while. Tim has called him a prude, at one point, and implied that he was somehow afraid of the intimacy required by the act; he wasn’t entirely wrong, but this definitely isn’t the reason for Jon's disinterest and general bafflement toward what most people seemed to consider as "what makes them human".

Jon simply hasn't found the right person. That is all it is: high standards, and a reticence to let people in.

(In which Jon finds out society is wrong about what a romantic relationship should be.)

how to plant a garden in rocky soil by treeprince [T] [2.9k]

Sometimes you just need a good pair of hands to work out all the kinks in your life.

Good thing Martin has two.

A Weather In The Flesh by cuttooth [G] [3k]

"There is a span of years where Jon doesn’t touch anyone other than the occasional hand shake. It’s not so bad. He’s never been someone who’s needed physical affection."

Jon has never been any good at making people want to stick around.

I'll bring the motion by callmearctus [T] [3.1k]

A long series of kidnappings and international flights leaves its own special mark on someone. Before the Unknowing, Jon is a mess.

Martin helps.

A Bread Made In Heaven by Againstme [G] [3.3k]

Martin moves over and watches how his boyfriend handles the dough. He's awkward with it, tentative and gentle, as if he's scared of hurting it somehow.

"Is this, uh, am I doing this right?" Jon asks, still slowly stretching out the dough and folding it onto itself.

"Well," he says shifting closer to Jon again, "you could be applying more pressure. Here, let me help you out, dear."

Martin moves fully behind Jon, and reaches around him, putting his hands on top of his boyfriend's. Jon inhales sharply, but doesn't say anything else, just lets Martin's hand rest on top of his.

Martin's hands are bigger, but not big enough to entirely envelop the other's hands, and Jon's hands are much, much warmer than his own are. To see what they're doing, Martin moves his head to look over Jon's shoulder. Though he can't see his boyfriend's face from this angle, he can see how it is slowly growing red at the edge of his vision. He decides not to tease him on it, instead content with letting a smile spread across his face and slowly guiding their joined hands in the proper motion.

Or, Martin teaches Jon how to make bread.

stumbling and spinning by lady_mab [G] [3.3k]

“Things happened,” Jon says demurely, trying to untangle Gerry’s fingers, but it only results in him getting pulled in so Gerry can kiss him properly. “It’s not all that bad.”

“I suppose not,” Gerry says with a sigh, sitting back upright. “You somehow managed to snag an incredible boyfriend out of it.”

It takes a solid few seconds before realization clicks in Martin’s brain. “You mean me?” [...]

“You have to admit, Jon has great tastes,” Gerry teases.

nothing sweeter than local honey by beeclaws [T] [3.4k]

So Tim is content, one arm leaned into the spray, waiting for the water to warm, enjoying the feeling of homecoming underneath the gentle fuzz of jetlag, when he hears gasping, panicked breaths coming from the other room.

Tim and Jon, in the aftermath, relearning how to be okay.

When Words are Inadequate by Mugatu [T] [3.8k]

Meals and the preparation of are, for want of a better word, informative. Fact gathering. A place where they can fill in the gaps of their knowledge of the other.

Jon cooks for Martin, and they learn more about each other.

go softly by doomcountry [T] [4k]

And there is nothing else besides this.

Imago by cuttooth [T] [4k]

“Jon?” he asks tentatively, tightening his grip around the poker as it slips against his sweaty palm. The antennae twitch, and suddenly Martin knows that it’s Jon, the knowledge sliding into his mind in a surge of desperate affection, the same profound love he felt that first time he truly saw Jon in the fog of the Lonely.

“Oh,” he whispers. “It really is you.”

Jon changes, but he’s still the same to Martin.

shoreline by bibliocratic [G] [4.1k]

“Martin," Tim says kindly, tipsily, only mildly slurring. "Dearest, dearest Martin. You're wankered, babe. Last train to Stockwell fucked off hours ago because it is now piss off o'clock in the morning, and there's a sofa with your exact name on it at my place. Thought you said you wanted some handsome fellow to take you back to his tonight?”

Or: The OG Archive crew go drinking, Martin comes out, and gets some well deserved TLC. In that order.

get your epitaph right by bibliocratic [G] [4.2k]

Martin's daemon has tried on the shape of dogs and lizards and snakes and horses, and even – once, when he was younger and Mum took him to the seaside, a fish.

Martin's never seen his soul in the dressing of a spider before.

i've known the warmth of your doorways by beeclaws [T] [4.2k]

'I’m always in pain, Jon wants to say, even as he dismisses the thought as melodramatic. Between his growing collection of old wounds and scar tissue, the supernatural hunger for statements that hasn’t been truly satiated in months, and the unpredictable aches and strains his body threw off day by day long before he ever set foot in the Institute, some level of pain and discomfort follows Jon wherever he goes now. He is used to being in pain. He’s not used to someone holding his hand as he suffers through it.'

Jon catalogs the comforts he receives, and wonders how long he will be allowed to keep them.

lay down your weary head by Zykaben [T] [4.6k]

Jon has been running himself ragged, searching for every scrap of information he can possibly find about the Unknowing. He's exhausted and sleep-deprived but he can't bring himself to take a break, not now.

Luckily, Tim and Martin are there to make sure that their boyfriend gets the care and rest he needs.

only the sweetest words remain by bluejayblueskies [T] [4.6k]

This isn't how things are supposed to go, right? Jon remembers those ratty paperbacks from the charity shops, dime-a-dozen romance novels with broken bindings and yellowing pages and words that spoke of love and passion and sexuality in prose that was more than a bit too mature for someone whose age hadn’t yet reached double digits. Stolen glances turn into dinner dates turn into passionate kisses turn into…

Well, he’d never actually read those parts of the books, because it had all seemed so deeply uncomfortable and gross. But he got the picture.

Or, Jonathan Sims, on being loved

5k-20k

and they keep not letting go by Marianne_Dashwood [G] [5k]

It’s an electric feeling, something strange and new and familiar all at once, even though he has been holding Martin’s hand for most of the day. His stomach swoops, like he is standing on the edge of the precipice of realisation and staring into the void of unknowing. But at the same time, he does know. In this instant of contact between them, the last few years of cups of tea and small smiles and momentary glances, of panic and fear and only feeling safe with Martin’s solid presence in the room, despite his paranoia, rush into him, and oh, oh oh.

ready to call this love by yewgrove [G] [5.6k]

How is Martin supposed to tell Jon that he panicked, stupidly, when the lovely old lady down the village asked him what they were doing in this part of the world? Got the shopping! Oh, by the way, we're married now! Whole village thinks we're on our honeymoon, hope you don't mind!

Prenons-nous la main by luftballons99 [T] [6k]

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

This Must Be The Place by cuttooth [T] [6k]

“You said – you said we were going home,” Martin says softly.

“I did,” says Jon, and is grateful that Martin doesn’t comment on him calling the Archives home. “I – I don’t really know where to go. I, uh, I don’t have a flat anymore, I don’t think. We could find a hotel?”

“Let’s go to my place,” says Martin. His hand squeezes Jon’s, more gently than before. Most importantly, Jon notes, he doesn’t let go.

Jon and Martin go home for a little while.

Small Things, Simple Acts by ZaliaChimera [T] [6.6k]

Even after leaving London, Jon and Martin are not free, not really. Maybe they never will be.

But for now they can be themselves, and maybe in the end, that's enough.

house by tomatoes [G] [9k]

Martin can take care of himself.

roses, roses, roses by acetheticallyy (judesstfrancis) [T] [9.3k]

Rose scented laundry detergent. Running into Jon in the breakroom. Running into Jon on his way back to his desk. Rose scented detergent. Running into Jon. Roses. Jon. Roses, roses, roses.

a deeply annoying child by ajkal2 [G] [9.6k]

Jon is hiding under the desk.

----

There's a child in the Archives, who shouldn't be there.

Inseparable by voiceless_terror [T] [10.3k]

“You can stay.” The voice interrupts his internal panic, and he looks over to find Jon studiously avoiding his gaze, staring hard at a neighboring bush. Martin wonders what caused his sudden change of heart. “But you have to sit on the other side. And don’t talk to me.”

Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood meet as children. Some things change, others do not.

i'm almost me again, you're almost you by gruhukens [G] [12k]

After a second Jon steps in towards him, close enough that Martin flinches, but all Jon does is put two fingers under his chin with his free hand and raise it until Martin can’t duck away. Jon has never touched him so casually before – at least, not until today, and it raises a lot of thoughts and feelings that Martin is trying very hard not to process.

Much like a lot of other things that have happened, he thinks. Not that it’s horrible or terrifying or numbing like everything else has been: it’s just another thing on the list of things he doesn’t have the capacity to deal with.

---

In the wake of the Lonely, there's a lot that Martin doesn't really want to think about.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite [T] [15.8k]

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Over 20k

The Kindness of Strangers by TheOestofOCs [M] [23k]

It was easier to treat Jon like a monster when he wasn’t shivering against his back, brokenly humming—wait, was that…

“Are you trying to do ‘Hey, Jude’?” Tim demanded.

Jon stopped, stiffening. “Mm hrmh mm mmh hm,” he said defensively.

“You really can’t hold a tune, can you, boss?”

It was just an ordinary walk to a restaurant. Tim had insisted that if they were going to talk, there would be no tape recorders or weird Archives ghosts listening in. A bit of fresh air wouldn’t kill him, Tim had said. What could go wrong?

By the time Jon spots the white delivery van, it’s much too late.

The Stranger kidnaps Jon. Tim comes along for the ride.

Misjudged by ShastaFirecracker [T] [36.5k]

Martin's been a longtime listener of What the Ghost, so when Georgie gives a shoutout to her flatmate's Twitch channel during a Q&A, he checks it out - only to discover that her flatmate is also his most terrifying coworker at his new job. The first time they crossed paths, Jon yelled at him for incompetence. But on the streams, Martin sees an entirely different person - someone fun and relaxed, engaging and unfairly attractive. Over time, Martin begins to find that Jon buried inside his dour, awkward coworker. He also learns to live with the fact that his crush is painfully one-sided... or is it?

if we make it through the night everyone is gonna hear us (Series) by skvadern [Ratings Vary] [42.4k]

In which Sasha survives the NotThem (with a little help from a certain Distortion) and she and Jon spend s2 working together to try and make sense of everything that's happening to them. It goes...interestingly

the garden of forking paths by bibliocratic [T] [49.7k]

Whatever he had predicted might happen, Jon wasn't expecting to survive upon demolishing the Panopticon. He certainly wasn't expecting to be rescued.

Instead, he wakes up in an alternative universe where he's never been the Archivist, and Martin Blackwood doesn't exist.

Martin Blackwood wakes up somewhere else entirely.

it's only forever by lady_mab [T] [50.9k]

“The castle at the center of the labyrinth,” Jon breathes, recalling again the words from one of the past conversations with Martin. “He’s there.”

“Turn back, Jonathan,” the Goblin King says, and Jon is surprised to hear a slight edge of desperation in the tone. “Turn back before it’s too late.”

“I can’t,” Jon answers with the same tone. “You know that I can’t.”

The Goblin King’s grin is gone completely, and he regards Jon with a degree of pity before that melts into resignation.

Yesterday is Here by CirrusGrey [T] [53.3k]

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

A Home For What Loves You by TheWrongShop [T] [151k]

It was completely fine that Jon was following up on this very normal, non-supernatural statement at midnight on a Friday. He was going to find nothing at all, and then he was going to go home and sleep for fourteen straight hours and feel absolutely no qualms about moving case #0150409 directly into the filing cabinet marked "discredited".

Or; Jon and Martin end up investigating Carlos Vittery's basement and finding the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss together.

RATED E *MINORS DNI*

A Look And A Voice by cuttooth [E] [6.9k]

“Do you want to have sex with me?” Jon asks bluntly, and for a second Martin can’t breathe.

“It - it doesn’t matter what I - ” he begins valiantly, before Jon interrupts him.

“Because I want to have sex with you, and frankly it doesn’t matter if you think it’s for the wrong reasons. I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions. The only thing that matters is if you want to as well.”

Martin meets a guy in a bar and takes him home.

Warms The Coldest Night by cuttooth [E] [11k]

"Flame that warms the coldest night Bring to us the waxing Light, Be with us on Solstice Night." Gypsy - Bring Back The Light

There is mistletoe hanging in the doorway to the Archives when Jon gets in.

Curiosity by ShastaFirecracker [E] [11.6k]

“You know that conversation we had the other day about how one of the most important things for queer youth to learn is that it's okay to change their minds, because identity and self-discovery are always fluid?”

Behind him, Martin slipped oven mitts over his hands and pulled open the oven door. The scent of garlic and rosemary flooded the kitchen. “Yeah?” he said.

“I, um... I'd like to revisit the topic of sex.”

At the Interim (Series) by Rend_Herring [E] [41k]

A Measure Outside the Lines and The Residuum

triptych (Series) by Stacicity [E] [44.9k]

A collection of Jon/Tim/Martin fics

a steady hand, a delicate man by callmearctus [E] [52.8k]

Martin is the proprietor and manager of a very discrete and fairly exclusive brothel situated between Belgravia and Chelsea. Blackwood House excels at special requests and pleasing any client.

Except for Jon, who probably has never been pleased a day in his entire life.

Despite that, he still comes back. It eventually begs the question: how do you solve a problem like Jon Sims?

#statement ends #anonymous #fic recs #save #((this took me like two hours lmaooooo))

113 notes · View notes

beauvibaby · 4 years ago

Text

little family - t.seguin

a/n: the inspo for this was me having a very bad week at work haha

Nearly two month old Laila was finally started to calm down as she laid on your chest, Chase, your two your old was grumpily playing with his toys, claiming he wasn’t speaking to you because you were “mean” to him. His version of mean was you putting him in time out for coloring on the wall. You couldn’t help but let out an exasperated sigh as Chase stood walking over to you, “mommy?” He spoke sweetly, you hummed in response, carefully sitting up, trying not to wake Laila. “Snack?” He asked, giving you those big eyes, he looked so much like Tyler in that moment, brown eyes staring at you with happiness swimming in them. You let out a soft chuckle, “yeah, honey, you can have a snack.” You mumbled, carefully standing up, cradling his sister to your chest. She stirred, soon beginning to wail as you rushed to give your son his snack, settling for some goldfish crackers as it wasn’t too long until Tyler would be home and you’d be making dinner. “No!” Chase shouted, you looked down at him with raised eyebrows as you started rocking Laila. “No!” He shouted again, throwing the open packet on the ground, “Chase, pick those up right now.” You demanded, glancing at Laila who was turning red and you knew she was about to spit up. Right as you went to move her, she spit up all over the floor, it landing by Chase who started crying at the sudden appearance of it. He went to run off because he knew he was in trouble for throwing his food but his foot caught the spit up and he slipped, landing on his butt with a thud and the screams doubled.

At the sudden screaming the dogs came running over, finally choosing to check if everything was ok. “Marshall!” You gasped when he started licking up the food, “no, no, Gerry!” You snapped, visually gagging when he liked up Laila’s spit up. You scooped Chase up, grimacing as his foot covered in spit up wiped all over your shirt, Laila was still whining, desperately searching for her pacifier. “Chase, you’re fine bud.” You hated that you had to pick which child to comfort, but he was not really crying from the fall, more for attention. You set him down, watching as he wrapped himself around your leg, clinging to you, repeatedly shouting mommy, only breaking your heart further as you lugged him along on your leg, gasping in relief when you found the pacifier, popping it in Laila’s mouth. She finally calmed down, still squirming but the crying had stopped, Chase was still dramatically sobbing, your head shot over to the door when you heard it opening. “Oh thank god.” You whispered, barely hearing yourself over the crying boy. “Look, daddy’s home!” You cheered down to your son, “no, mommy!” He shrieked like you had just told him he was getting a punishment. Tyler raised his eyebrows at the sight in front of him, “hey, buddy.” He kneeled, holding his arms out for his son, who only gripped you tighter. “Tyler, can you just take her please?” You mumbled, giving him a silently begging look. “Yeah.” He sighed, pushing away the heartache of his son not even wanting to say hello, but he knew it wasn’t personal, after all Chase was in the middle of a temper tantrum. “Hi, my little-oh god, stinky princess.” Tyler mumbled taking Laila, grimacing as you both suddenly smelt her soiled diaper. You smirked, “she’s just saying how much she loves you.” You gave him a quick peck before squatting down to your sons eye level as Tyler whisked off with Laila, cooing to her about how much he missed her today.

“Look at me.” You demanded softly, placing a hand on your sons back, he looked up at you with a huge pout and tear stained face, you reached out and cupped his chubby little cheeks. You pushed your insecurities aside from letting him cry for so long, it was part of having two little kids, but it didn’t make you hurt any less. “We don’t throw food, and we don’t color on walls.” You spoke soft, but stern, he nodded still in your hold. “Are you sorry?” You asked, removing your hands, he nearly knocked you over, “I sorry.” He mumbled hugging you tightly. You smiled at his actions, kissing the top of his curly mop of hair. “You know, I think it would make daddy very happy if you went over there and gave him an even bigger hug and a kiss. He missed you today.” You spoke sweetly, Chase looked up at you with a grin, running off towards where Tyler was with Laila, Tyler was on his way back, Laila only covered in a diaper. “That was a huge blowout.” He laughed, letting out an over dramatic groan when Chase ran into his legs, you took Laila back from him, watching with a quivering lip as Chase was lifted happily up into Tyler’s arms. You watched your son wrap his arms around Tyler’s neck tightly, hugging him before leaning back and giving him a cute little kiss. Tyler enjoyed every second, it was no secret Chase was a mommas boy. “Did you have a good day?” He asked his son, but glanced over to you, doing a double take when he saw the tears pooling in your eyes. He went to speak but you shook your head, “I’m gonna go get her some clothes.” You whispered, walking past him before Chase could see you begin to cry.

You slipped Laila into a simple onesie, constantly wiping your tears as you admired the little girl before you, you loved your kids, with every ounce of your body, and always would. You’d do anything for them, and everything for them, and with that being said, you did, and you were tired. So damn tired, and you didn’t blame Tyler at all, because when he was home he was just as hands on as you were, he was never one of those dads you had to ask twice to do something, he just did it. It was hard still, most days were good, but Laila was an easy crier, so different from how Chase was as a baby, and today was a bad day, you’d been up since before Tyler had even left, Chase coming in to your room not feeling good, Laila waking early and eating in clusters all day, Chase being on his worse behavior. It just got to you today, and it made you feel worse that it got to you. It shouldn’t, you’re their mother, you shouldn’t feel so burdened, you wanted them, you prayed for them your whole life and they were here and they were perfect. A knock on the door made your head shoot up, you were sitting on the edge of the bed, Laila laying beside you, peacefully looking around. You saw Tyler standing in the doorway, arms crossed as he looked at you softly well Chase ran over to you, he had a note in his hand and skillfully climbed into your lap, he put the note down and gave you his pouty lips, not the sad ones but the ones he made when he wanted a kiss, you smiled tearfully and gave him a kiss, your heart bursting with love as he wiped the tears off your cheeks before running back over to Tyler silently. He gave you a smile as he usher Chase out, shuttling the door as they left. You opened the note, sniffling as you read Tyler’s slightly sloppy handwriting,

“don’t come downstairs until we get you!”

You rolled your eyes, not hesitating to oblige, you placed the note into the drawer of your nightstand, carefully moving to lay beside your sweet little girl. “Hi.” You whispered, grabbing her little fist when she looked at you, gurgling softly, “we’re really lucky you know, you’re daddy’s great, and your brother is gonna protect you so much when you’re bigger.” You laughed softly to yourself as you thought about the future, “don’t worry, I’ll make sure they let the good guys get to you.” You teased softly, smiling as your emotions leveled out a little, sometimes you just need a good cry. You grinned down at her blank expression, lightly tickling her stomach, her lips cracked up a little and you gasped, stopping your movements, did she just smile? You did it again, and she smiled, a real toothless smile and you cheered jumping to your feet. You wanted Tyler to see it, but you didn’t want to ruin whatever little plan he had Chase all excited about, so you pulled out your phone and FaceTimed him, he answered, holding the phone extremely close to his face, not letting you see anything. “Yes?” He sang, “she’s smiling!” You shrieked, pointing the camera to her, you did your earlier actions, her face lighting up again. “Oh my god!” He grinned, his eyes lighting up, “that’s my baby girl!” He cheered, speaking to her through the phone, she continued smiling, and you knew instantly, she would be a smiley baby now. “When can I come down?” You asked with a laugh, turning the phone back towards you, he quirked a brow. “Let me confirm with my assistant.” He joked, pausing the video you laughed, scooping Laila up as you heard two sets of footsteps running up the stairs. Really it was more of Tyler’s and Chase lightly padding before him, you hung up the phone, slipping it back into your pocket.

The bedroom door opened and your two boys smiled at you, “mommy!” Chase ran over to you, Tyler follows slowly behind him, holding his hands out for Laila, he took her but not before pressing a short but sweet kiss to your lips. “I love you.” He whispered, laughing when Chase started pulling your hand, “I love you.” You repeated to him before allowing your son to pull you along. “What did you two do?” You teased, Chase kept his eyes focused on the stairs, something he was getting better at walking down. “Patience.” Tyler scolded, walking right behind you. He laughed under his breath when you glared jokingly at him. “Oh my goodness,” you gasped, looking down at Chase who was looking at the living room proudly, they cleaned up the toys, and laid out pillows and blankets all over the floor, against the couch. Of course, yours and Chase’s favorite Disney movie was set up on the screen, Moana. You lifted your son up into your arms, he giggled as you smothered him in kisses. “Mommy, stop!” He shrieked, pushing at your face, his face turning bright red from laughter. “Alright, alright, I have to cook dinner.” You mumbled, stopping long enough for Chase to catch his breath. “Oh no you don’t, we’re having a junk night.” Tyler laughed, wrapping his free arm around you, “I ordered Chinese.” He mumbled, you sighed in relief. “Thank god.” You whispered leaning into his hold slightly. “Aw, honey.” You cooed to Laila, it was time for her to eat and she was letting you know as she went from peaceful to wailing in about half a second. You lowered Chase down and he happily cuddled himself up into the pile of blankets looking at you and Tyler cheesily. “By the time she’s done dinner will be here.” Tyler sighed, handing her over, “thank you.” You responded, he shook his head, looking over when the doorbell rang and the dogs hopped up. “Don’t thank me.” He laughed, pushing you off to the living room as he went to get the food, you sat in the chair, propping her and your arm up on a pillow as Chase paid no mind to you feeding her, he was used to it, never even asked any questions about it, which surely surprised you and Tyler.

Dinner has since come and gone, the credits to Moana playing on the screen as Chase slept on the floor in front of you, Laila was sleeping on Tyler’s chest, you had your head on the part of his chest she wasn’t taking up. “Y/N?” Tyler whispered, fingers running up your arm as spoke, “yeah?” You lifted your head, hearing the concern in his voice. “Are you okay? Really? I know it’s hard, baby, and I wish I was here more.” He spoke softly, you smiled softly, he was searching your eyes for anything, he needed an answer, he needed to know what he could do to help you. “Ty,” you mumbled, placing a hand on his face, his beard slightly tickling the palm of your hand. “It was just one bad day, you know I’d tell you if it was anything more.” You assured him, he was so attentive, he never wanted to make you feel like you had to do it all, you were equal partners in this life. “You’re a great mom, you know that?” He questioned, looking at you expectantly. “I know, and you’re a great dad, now can we please get them to bed, I just need to shower and sleep.” You teased softly, carefully standing to your feet, he laughed but agreed, following your actions, somehow you picked Chase up, carrying him up to his room, placing a kiss to his forehead once you set him down. “Goodnight sweet boy.” You whispered, tucking his blanket up over him, quietly shutting the door and walking down the hall to where Tyler was in your room, placing Laila down in her bassinet. “Come here.” You mumbled, standing in the middle of the room, he walked over to you, smiling down at your childlike expression. “I,” you paused, kissing him, “love,” another one, “you.” One long kiss, and he pulled away a little surprised, but grinning like someone just told him it was Christmas. “I love you too, so much.” He sighed, kissing your forehead softly, “hopefully they’re better tomorrow, but how about that shower?” He teased, hands sliding lower down your back. “No funny business, we don’t need another one yet.” You chastised, he put his hands up in surrender, but smirking when you walked away with a little extra sway in your hips. “Hurry up before I change my mind!” “What? No-I’m coming.” He tripped over his pants as he kicked them off following you, he laughed along with you when you were stood in the bathroom watching him with a grin. When he stepped into the shower with you, truly being nothing but sweet, showering you with kisses and whispers of sweet nothings, you knew that you would go through a hundred bad days if it meant you still had a great night like this with your little family.

Taglist: @thathockeygirl @literarycharleton

#imagine #imagines #tyler seguin #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin imagines #tyler seguin fluff #nhl dallas stars #nhl wiriting #dallas stars imagine

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beholdme · 3 years ago

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All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 18

Chapters: 18/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

They cook, they feed him, they chat away about inane things. Their presence soothes Martin and their voices fill him with the warmth sucked away by his unexpected encounter.

Gerry helps him make tea after dinner, and they all sit at the table together, even the cats sleeping nearby, cuddled up into one big, grey and black fluff ball.

"I think," Martin begins, voice croaky, "That I would like to tell you now."

"We're ready to listen if you're ready to tell us." Jon offers softly. Gerry reaches over to take one of his hands, turning it over to kiss the palm sweetly.

Martin talks, voice quiet and even.

"In the beginning, it was just a normal relationship. Except for the fact that he was almost twenty years older than me, and about a million times richer. I didn't know that at first, of course. He was just a middle-aged man I met in a gay bar, who didn't seem to mind that I was trans. I felt secure in our relationship, if not exactly nurtured or adored. I had never felt very secure before, and it seemed like enough, you know?

"He took me out, brought me a few things in the beginning. He was very dominant, sexually, but I was a lot less sure of my own preferences back then and I thought it was fine. He never even blinked at my trashy flat or cheap clothes, and I didn't even realise just how much money he had for a long time. Maybe I just can't really comprehend that much money, even now.

"When I was twenty-two, my mother died, and…" He huffs out a shaky, emotional laugh. "Well, I was a real mess. I lost my job, and almost my flat. Peter started paying for things, my rent, clothes, meals. He said that I needed somewhere to live and had to eat and look presentable, and it was his pleasure to provide those things for me. It made me feel a bit gross, but I struggled to find another job, and so I accepted it."

Martin hesitates here, before continuing. "The problem started when I wasn't interested in sex one night."

"He forced you?" Gerry interrupts to ask dangerously, threat explicit in his quiet words. His eyes seem to glow faintly in the growing dark of the room, as the sun sets. He wishes, more than ever, that he had helped Jon kick the shit out of Peter Lukas, instead of stopping him.

Martin sighs, eyes pressed tight closed for a second. "Not exactly. He simply pointed out that he paid for me to exist. So I made myself interested."

Gerry's hands tighten into fists and he moves them under the table where Martin can't see them anymore. Jon suddenly looks very pale. They share a look, neither able to see much difference between 'forcing' and what sounds a lot like financial abuse to them.

Martin pulls his legs up to his chest, curling around them as he goes on. "Our relationship became a lot more transactional after that night. I disengaged whatever feelings I had left for him and simply drew all my emotions down deep into myself. I wasn't ashamed to be getting paid for sex, but I felt like I had lost my own consent in the matter. Peter honestly seemed like he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Money was nothing to him, and he had someone to take out on his arm or shag whenever he wanted, without the work of a real relationship, or the complications of unfortunate attachments.

"So, if I needed something, I told him. He set a date, took me out, fucked me. He gave me however much I needed."

Martin shrugs, looking down at his hands. "I honestly hated it. Not because of the prostitution itself, sex has always been very nurturing for me, and I sometimes caught the idea that it was only another way to care for people, and being paid for that is perfectly fine, if you're doing it for the right reasons. The real issue was Peter himself. He had this way of making me feel… bereft and hollow, even before the money came into it."

A few tears track down his face, although his face remains rather blank, in a numb way. It's only as he admits the next words that his voice breaks and the heartbreak works its way out again.

"I was very foolish. Looking back, I can see that I was still a child in a lot of ways. I put myself into a situation that damaged me, but I accept the consequences of those actions, both then and now. I- I-"

"Martin," Jon whispers, warm love clear in his voice. It's nothing but an offer of support, one that he desperately needs right now.

He presses his eyes shut, forcing away the stutter and the lump of tears. "I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of it, even if I got a crap, minimum wage job that I was qualified for. So I started applying for any work that was available. I made every application exactly what they wanted, and I hoped for the best. When Elias offered me the job at Magnus, I took it happily. Since then I found out that Peter knows him, and probably arranged the job for me, but at the time I had no idea. Looking back, I know that it's a miracle that I got out of it at all. Peter could have chosen to make my life a living hell. Instead, he accepted the several firm rejections I offered him.

"He promised me that we weren't done, that I would be back, but he left me alone. I was done. I moved on with my life, even if I had to lie to do it." Martin sighs, shakes out his shoulders, the most difficult part over now.

"I had always planned to be open about it with my next relationships, but they were so fleeting that it never even came up. By the time I fell for Jon, it had become a secret, one I was loathed to dig up for a relationship I was convinced wouldn't last. I thought to myself, 'Why ruin something that makes me happy?' I assumed it would fall apart anyway, and it was easier to allow it to be in the past.

"But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you. I'm sorry you had to find out from him. I'm sorry that we've been together for more than a year and we basically live together, and I've put you in this position. I love you both, very very much."

"When did you eventually decide that our relationship was going to last?" Jon queries, genuine curiosity in his voice.

There's a beat of hazy silence at the abrupt change in tone and topic.

"Oh, ah-" Martin stumbles over his words, unsure how blatantly honest to be. He chooses the real truth, no matter how unfortunate. "The day that I got Luna was the first time I really accepted that you both loved me."

Jon simply raises an eyebrow, completely unconcerned. "What about you, Gerry?"

"With you," Gerry responds easily, "at the hospital in Morden, when I was so panicked that I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill you or handcuff us together for the rest of our lives. With Martin-"

He breaks off with a laugh, colouring slightly. "It was the day we dyed my hair purple."

"The first time we had sex?" Martin asks, surprised at such a hedonistic answer.

He laughs again, more confidently this time. "No, actually, although that was spectacular. It was afterwards, when you braided my hair for the first time. That was the first time anyone had ever braided my hair. It made me feel so… So honoured. Like I was the most precious thing to you."

"Gerry, you are the most precious thing to me. You both are." Martin whispers, tears creeping back into his voice.

"Good, because the feeling is mutual, and we desperately need you around to keep us in line," Jon tells him, voice unusually firm and confident.

"What about you?" Martin remembers to ask him, at risk of floating away in his post confession haze. "When did you know?"

"With Gerry, it was when we were teenagers. I kissed him for the first time, and he laughed at me. I just knew he was my soulmate." Jon rolls his eyes at this, but his voice is full of blatant affection. "With you, Martin, it was- Well, to be quite honest with you, there was no one special moment. It was a million tiny moments, all of them special and perfect to me. Every cup of tea, every frown while you were writing poetry, glasses pushed haphazardly up into your lovely hair. The easy, glorious look on your face the day you met Gerry for the first time, as if you weren't even capable of not falling in love with him, just as I hadn't been. It was especially the days that I would come out of the library and find you waiting for me after work. This weight of total surety would fill my chest and leave me gasping, needing you."

Jon sighs, his own eyes a little bright. "I suppose it was really the night you kissed me in the rain, and every soft moment since then has only affirmed the way I knew you were it for me."

Jon smiles at Martin so beatifically that he forgets to breathe for a moment.

"We love you too, Martin," Gerry tells him, reaching out to grasp a hand. Jon takes the other. "And we wouldn't want you any other way."

***

The next morning, Martin wakes to find Jon eyeing his phone intently. Gerry is asleep on his other side, and he feels warmly cocooned between them. Gentle cloudy light fills the space, encouraging the comfortable cozy atmosphere of their bed.

"What's wrong, love?" Martin asks sleepily, snuggling into his side.

"I got-" Jon pauses, utterly flummoxed. "I got paid a bonus."

"What?" Equally perplexed, Martin takes his phone, squinting as he tries to read the screen.

The banking app is open, and there is indeed a deposit there, Jon's normal salary amount, but on completely the wrong date.

In the purpose box, it simply reads 'Entertainment Value'.

"You don't think," Jon starts, hesitant, "that Elias paid me…"

"For hitting Peter Lukas?" Martin finishes, "His own husband."

They blink at each other, bewildered.

"Does that seem… slightly cursed, to you?" Jon whispers as if Elias might hear him. Even worse if Elias could hear them, and would probably enjoy being accused of having a cursed relationship.

"Yes, completely cursed. What is up with those two?" Martin looks as if he's smelled something bad.

"We absolutely cannot spend this money, right?" Jon asks. "Lest we are cursed with their relationship dysfunction."

"Correct," Martin responds firmly, shuddering. "Can we donate it to the animal shelter?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Jon's relief at this resolution is palpable.

He does it straight away, as if even having the money in his bank account might ruin their lives.

They let out a simultaneous sigh as the transfer goes through.

"That is wild," Martin mutters as he snuggles back down.

Jon tosses his phone away, no longer interested in it. Instead, he wraps his arms around Martin, burying his nose in his lover's hair. It smells of bergamot and tea leaves and the ocean in winter, just like Martin himself, and Jon luxuriates in the moment.

"I love you, Martin K. Blackwood." He whispers into the soft air.

"Even if I don't actually have a middle name?" Martin whispers back.

"Especially because of that." Jon chuckles.

They lay together, the gentle moments of the morning flowing around them. Later, they get up and shower together. They drink tea in front of the big windows in the living space. Martin reads a book from Gerry's shelves, his own books still packed, and Jon wanders off to play his piano where it is randomly set up, right in the middle of Gerry's typical painting area.

Gerry himself appears downstairs, still sleepy and bleary-eyed. He curls up with his head in Martin's lap, listening to Jon fill the flat with gentle music.

It's the soft sort of moment that each of them had been wishing for all their lives, full of love, and family, and a home of their very own.

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #gerry keay #jongerrymartin #fic #also on ao3

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supercasey · 4 years ago

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Dumb thoughts on the Child Avatars AU

I dunno, just some dumb ideas I’ve had since I started talking about the AU online/brainstorming about it. (Putting it under a readmore for everyone’s sake)

The “Daisy kidnaps Jon” situation in this AU is Daisy riding her bike to Simon Fairchild’s mansion, holding a water-gun up to both Mike and Jon’s heads, and ordering them to ride with her to the grocery store to buy soda and hang out at a nearby playground for the day. Cue Elias flipping tf out when Jon isn’t at Simon’s place when he goes to pick him up later, Simon being half asleep because he was napping while the kids hung out, and Mike getting soaked by Daisy before he agrees to go with her, and since this happens in, like, late fall or early winter, he gets pneumonia afterwards and can’t hang out for awhile, leading to the kids jokingly saying he’s dead. Btw the only reason the trio was found is because Basira was invited after they made it to the park, and she convinced Daisy to let the boys go home. Daisy literally only kidnapped them because she wanted to play with someone.

Also the Buried!Daisy arc is Daisy getting eaten by a Buried controlled sandbox and Jon jumping in after her. The rest of the kids, who thankfully witnessed this, spent the next three hours digging for them, with Breekon & Hope eventually joining in to help since they were in the area. Daisy and Jon form a trauma bond afterwards and are now best friends.

Jon keeps getting marked by shit and it’s stressing Elias out because hE’S NOT READY FOR THE WATCHER’S CROWN YET!!! He needs more time to prepare, but his son is literally getting marked faster than fucking Sonic.

Speaking of Sonic, seeing as the “Console Wars” (Sega vs Nintendo) are happening during this time period, the kids take the rivalry Very Seriously. The biggest arguments are had between Sasha, Daisy, Julia, and Mike, who are all on Team Sega, and Jon, Martin, Tim, and Danny, who are all on Team Nintendo.

Sasha, close to tears she’s so angry: “Sega DO what NintenDON’T, Tim!!!”

When Martin was born, he only had one thick clump of curly hair that was white, but as he’s grown older and entered the Lonely multiple times, more of his hair has begun to turn white. As of the time of the AU “starting” (so when he’s 8 years old), he looks like he has white highlights in his hair.

Trevor isn’t a fully-fledged Hunt avatar yet, but the girls more or less are, so if you’ve ever watched Wolf Children, that’s pretty much the situation Trevor is currently trapped in. His daughters keeping changing into wolf pups and running wild as he frantically tries to hide their powers from anyone who isn’t Gerry.

(All of the kids secretly know already, even Basira.)

Basira is pretty much the only “normal” kid of the avatar children, save MAYBE for Tim, but he’s been deeply marked by the circus and has a few tiny powers (think S3 Jon as he was figuring out some of his powers, but wasn’t a full-on Archivist just yet).

The season 1 gang (including Danny) are the closest group of friends in the AU, save for Daisy and Basira’s friendship, and they hang out a lot at each other’s homes on the weekends.

Adelard usually brings Jane with him for his “trips” away from the institute, so it’s not unusual for her to be gone for long periods of time. But she always sends postcards and gifts to the institute for everyone!

Helen is three years old, so theoretically she should be able to talk, but she rarely does so, preferring to communicate via giggles and laughter. Only Jon, the Stoker brothers, and Michael can understand her, and they take turns translating for everyone else.

Whenever she’s brought to the institute, Helen takes to toddling around after Jon and Martin, giggling up a storm the whole time. Jon finds it a bit annoying while Martin is endlessly amused by her antics.

A list of the guardian’s/adult’s ages before I fucking forget (as of when the AU “starts” in 1994): Gertrude Robinson - 62, Elias Bouchard “Jonah Magnus” - 51 (200+), Peter Lukas - 55, Simon Fairchild - 83 (300+), Gerard “Gerry” Keay - 30, Michael Shelley - 32, Alfred Grifter - Unknown, Adelard Dekker - 48, Nikola Orsinov - 30ish (100+), Annabelle Cane - 34 (Unknown), Trevor Herbert - 47, Agnes Montague - 25ish (60+), Jude Perry - 35, Jared Hopworth - 29, The Admiral - 10.

The “good” parents all keep trying to set up some kind of PTA meeting so they can actually talk about how to raise these supernatural kids properly, but it keeps going horribly wrong; last time they tried, Alfred Grifter and his band showed up and nearly made Simon go deaf, so no one wants to initiate the next attempt at a meeting.

Tbh, at this point the Fear rituals are more successful than Elias’s shitty attempts at forming a PTA.

At some point in the AU Gerry, Michael, and Trevor all pitch in to buy a decently big house together, which leads to some serious Shenanigans now that Melanie is around Michael and Trevor’s kids/wards... let’s just say there’s gonna be a lot of knife related accidents.

Gerry taught Melanie how to fight when he took her in and it is the single worst decision he’s ever made in his short, goth life, even if he’ll never admit it. Melanie can now beat the shit out of everyone but Julia and Daisy, and it’s pure chaos every time. Tim puts up a decent fight, but he’s been spoiled on easy wins over his brother all his life. Jon tries and fails to so much as push her. Martin runs away crying before Melanie even throws the first punch. Needless to say, the other kids are very cautious about playing with Melanie now.

None of the kids have an education of any kind except for Mike. I’m serious; the only kid who’s decently educated is being raised by Foxy Grandpa Off His Shits McGee! Julia and Daisy have had some public education but not much, Elias refuses to do anything but home-school Jon yet he sucks shit at math, Tim and Danny don’t even know what a school fucking looks like, Melanie and Jane were too young to go to school when they became avatars, Martin has only recently been allowed near other kids so fuck public school (Peter can do math but Nothing Else), Annabelle fucking forgot to give Sasha any kind of an education outside of Web stuff, and Helen is still a very small child. None of these kids have gone to school for more than a few years at most and dear g-d is that gonna suck for them later down the line.

As a result of this, Basira has taught the other kids a few things when she’s come over and insisted on playing “school” with everyone, but she’s still just a kid and can’t always get them to pay attention during her lessons.

Because of this Rosie, Gerry, Michael, and Gertrude have all started making an effort to more or less home-school all of the kids, which has gone... well enough, I suppose. However, things have recently taken a weird turn since Jon keeps giving everyone the answers to assignments/tests via telepathy.

Jon: Whoa, you can make tea all by yourself, Martin!? Martin: Yeah, I’ve been doing it by myself since I was a toddler. I can also do laundry, mop floors, vacuum, and cook a few things, too! Tim: Wow, that’s really cool, Martin! I wish I could do stuff like that. Gertrude, off to the side: *Gives Peter a horrified look* I’m sorry, but did Martin just say he’s been making tea on his own since he was a toddler? Peter: ╮(╯ _╰ )╭ Unfortunately, I’m severely depressed.

Yeeeeeeeah, Martin’s in a similar childhood situation to his canon one, but at least there are people actually willing to help him out of it in this universe. Also, Peter will clean himself up at some point here, he’s just still dealing with more or less disowning himself from his family and learning hoe to not be so lonely.

Speaking Of Which, the Lukas family are pretty big antagonists in this AU, primarily through Peter’s mother (I’ll come up with a name for her later if I can’t find it on the wiki), who is trying to kidnap Martin and more or less feed him to the Lonely so Peter will get over his “childish feelings” and return to being her favorite child.

And yes, she DOES accidentally kidnap Jon instead at some point... this kid can literally not avoid getting kidnapped.

I like to think Mike and Julia are really good friends in this AU, being the closest in age and all. They hang out a lot since their dads are both so chill and won’t get upset about it, the two of them mostly just playing video games, watching movies, and biking around their respective neighborhoods together.

(Also they may or may not be responsible for a statement that involves a woman seeing a “flying wolf” passing over London... they’ve yet to confess to it, but Elias is dead certain they’re behind the incident.)

The worms incident is 100% Jane’s secret worm collection getting fucking loose... she was keeping them in the walls “for safe keeping” and No One Fucking Knew, not even Elias, until Jon saw a spider, punched the wall, and Revealed them.

Jon and Tim got their scars because Jane lost control of the worms and they burrowed into the kids. Cue a very panicked 999 call from someone in the institute and Child Services almost getting involved, but Elias managed to cover it up.

Afterwards, Jon is incredibly self-conscious about his worm scars, but Martin tells him “now we both have freckles!” and it honestly makes him feel a little better about the whole thing.

Also Adelard makes an effort to track down a child psychologist/counselor with institute ties so he can get Jane some therapy/help controlling her powers. He loves her to the moon and back, and he’s terrified of her getting traumatized by what she accidentally did.

During the incident, a Notthem gets loose from Artifact Storage and attacks Sasha, but seeing as Sasha is of the Web and the Notthem is connected to a Web artifact, it only manages to really hurt her, but thankfully not kill her. She ends up hospitalized for a few weeks, but comes out fine later on. The table mysteriously disappears afterwards, and no one knows if it was Gertrude or Annabelle’s doing, but either way, the kids never have to deal with a Notthem again.

At some point I wanna get into Jon’s paranoia in season 2 for this AU, but I’m considering changing it from being because of the Jane Prentiss issue to be because of Mr. Spider almost killing him. I dunno how exactly it’ll play out, but I think it has a lot of potential!

Okay, before I end this post full of weird rambling ideas for the AU, I wanna make a list of the powers that the kids have at the time of the story “starting”/the ones they develop down the line because Jonny Sims himself said that all avatars have different powers, and I really wanna infodump on my thoughts for the kids!

Current powers of Jonathan Sims-Bouchard: Can simply know things whenever he wants to (so long as the Eye lets him, but the Eye sometimes keeps him from knowing anything he isn’t mature enough to handle), can compel people to tell him things (the other kids are better at resisting it, and so are other people touched by the Eye), can survive on very little food if he’s fed mostly statements/other people’s trauma, can non-consensually feel the pain and emotions of the people around him, has some weak telepathy powers, and he can subconsciously summon tape recorders.

Future powers of Jonathan Sims-Bouchard: Increased healing abilities, can know most anything if he tries, ability to resist other Eye avatars’ compulsions, can survive purely off of statements/other people’s trauma, can choose whether or not to feel the pain and emotions of the people around him, has much stronger telepathy powers than before, can force himself into people’s minds and read their thoughts, and he can summon tape recorders at will (though some still show up without his knowledge sometimes).

Current powers of Martin Blackwood-Lukas: Can disappear into the Fog for several hours at a time (he cannot be seen by anyone but other Lonely avatars while in the fog), can summon clouds of fog that he can momentarily hide things in (including people), can “banish” most anyone into the fog, and has “Sea Captain Eyes” (he knows where the Tundra is at all times, and can lead someone to it without a map or compass).

Future powers of Martin Blackwood-Lukas: Can change his hair color at will (only to red, white, and a mix of the two colors), can see much better in the Fog and can find anyone he’s pushed into it, can more or less teleport using the Fog, and he has what’s more or less a pocket dimension of fog for storage/hiding his friends from danger (think the inside of Gems in Steven Universe).

Current powers of Tim Stoker-Orsinov: Can make small bipedal toys “come to life” for a few minutes at a time (they can’t talk or communicate; only move around and perform small tasks/dances), can tell when a Notthem is masquerading as someone else, is supernaturally talented at gymnastics, and can dance alongside the creatures of the Stranger without being fully corrupted by them.

Future powers of Tim Stoker-Orsinov: Better control over the powers he already has as well as a high tolerance for the Spiral.

Current powers of Danny Stoker-Orsinov: Can order around creatures of the Stranger against their will, can tell when a Notthem is masquerading as someone else, can dance alongside the creatures of the Stranger without being fully corrupted by them, is supernaturally talented at gymnastics, and can change his voice to anything he likes (not always intentionally, though).

Future powers of Danny Stoker-Orsinov: Can more or less “teleport” to other circus locations by walking into theaters, can now change his voice to whatever he likes with his knowledge and consent, can take over as the Stranger’s ringmaster if necessary, can trigger a mesmerizing dance whenever he’d like, and has a high tolerance for the Spiral.

Current powers of Sasha James-Cane: Can communicate with spiders and have them send messages to other Web avatars, can read minds if she tries really hard, can “trap“ other entities in large webs that she can summon (takes a lot of energy), and she has Spider-Man-like abilities (can walk on walls and ceilings, can carry much more than her weight should allow, etc).

Future powers of Sasha James-Cane: Can now read minds without too much effort, can navigate almost any area that’s being controlled/influenced by the Web, can create webs without nearly as much effort as before, can transform her body to have more arms, legs, and eyes, and she now has venomous fangs (which can thankfully be controlled and/or hidden).

Current powers of Alice “Daisy” Tonner: Can turn into a wolf at will/when she’s especially emotional, can smell blood from several miles away, and has supernatural senses/physical abilities.

Future powers of Alice “Daisy” Tonner: Can now track most any monster she’s hunting once she gets at least one good look at them, can communicate with other Hunters via howling, and can navigate the Buried if needed (though this is very triggering for her and will cause her to pass out afterwards).

Current powers of Julia Montauk: Can turn into a wolf at will/when she’s especially emotional, can smell blood from several miles away, has supernatural senses/physical abilities, can track most any monster if she knows their name, can communicate with other Hunters via howling, and she can shift into a bipedal werewolf when she feels like she’s in danger.

Future powers of Julia Montauk: All of her previous powers have drastically improved, plus she has better control of them now.

Current powers of Basira Hussain: She has common fucking sense, something almost none of the other children have.

Future powers of Basira Hussain: She common sense AND she has a werewolf GF now. :) ((No dating for the babies, not until they’re at least teenagers))

Current powers of Melanie King-Grifter: Can listen to Grifter’s Bone without being damaged in any way, the music of Grifter’s Bone makes her powers exemplified for a period of time after she listens to it, the smell of blood triggers her to become violent, she can summon sharp weapons (knives, swords, etc) from thin air, and she can see a red aura around other people who have been marked by the Slaughter.

Future powers of Melanie King-Grifter: She has much better control of her abilities now, she can perform Grifter’s Bone songs for people and keep them from dying/going feral, and she can now also summon other weapons from thin air (guns, baseball bats, etc).

Current powers of Oliver Banks: Can see people’s deaths a week in advance via his dreams, he sees dark tentacles around people who are going to die soon, can see but not talk to ghosts, and he can smell death on anyone who’s undead/controlling other people’s bodies.

Future powers of Oliver Banks: Can raise the dead and control them to do his bidding (takes a lot of energy), can speak cat (not End related; Admiral related), and he can cause people to die within the week if he touches them in his dreams.

Current powers of Georgie Barker: Can see a “death countdown” over people who are going to die within the next thirty days, doesn’t feel any fear whatsoever, can see but not talk to ghosts, and she sees a dark sludge staining the clothes of people who have been marked by the End.

Future powers of Georgie Barker: Can bring people back to life for a minute or so by touching them (think Pushing Daisies type powers), can speak cat (not End related; Admiral is best cat dad), and she can communicate with ghosts much better now.

Current powers of Jane Prentiss-Dekker: Can summon bugs of most kinds from her mouth and under her fingernails, can communicate with bugs, and can fight off most diseases without any trouble.

Future powers of Jane Prentiss-Dekker: Can now completely control bugs via a hive mind effect, can summon bugs from anywhere on her body, has much stronger healing abilities than Jon, and she can see invisible bugs crawling on the skin of those who the Corruption wants her to get rid of (it’s hard for her not to give in to it’s desires).

Current powers of Mike Crew-Fairchild: Can levitate/fly at will, can summon clouds of any kind (rain, thunder, snow, etc) in any conditions, has much higher resistance to the weather/temperature, and he can “banish” people into the Vast at will.

Future powers of Mike Crew-Fairchild: Same as before, but with slightly better control than he had as a teenager.

Current powers for Helen Richardson-Shelley: Can change the world around her to be more like the Spiral (adding more doors, changing the colors of things, causing hallucinations, etc), can change any door into a doorway into the Spiral, and she can amplify her voice (very hard to control as a baby).

Future powers for Helen Richardson-Shelley: Can now summon doors that lead to the Spiral from thin air, has much better control over her powers and abilities than before, can morph her body to be longer and sharper at will, and she can “banish” people into the endless hallways of the Spiral.

((Holy shit, that took awhile))

Anyways, here’s a playlist I made for the AU, feel free to scream at me for my very weird taste in music: Pinky Swear That You Won’t Go Changing

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puckinghell · 6 years ago

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A Drunk Tongue | Tyler Sguin

Requested: nope Word count: 1882 Note: I kinda have an idea for a part 2 to this so if you’d like...Edit: Part two is up now

When Tyler’s phone lights up at 3am, his first thought is that there must be something very, awfully, deadly wrong with you.

After all, in 2 years of being friends with you, he’s never gotten a nightly phone call from you. You’re always soundly asleep by midnight, more responsible than he ever has been, and whenever you’re not, it’s because he’s keeping you awake.

“Hello?” he grumbles into the phone, sleep still lacing his words, his eyes barely opening. He hears a lot of noise in the background, people talking, music.

“Tyyyyy!” you squeal, giggling, and he realizes right away that you’re drunk.

Then it comes back to him. You told him you’d be going out to celebrate your roommate’s birthday tonight, despite not really wanting to. You told him how much you hated that he wasn’t there.

You didn’t really ever go out; it just wasn’t really your scene, and you were a bit of a lightweight. Tyler had dragged you out a few times, and you did have fun when you went, but it was mostly because you knew he was always right there to carry you home.

Tyler knew you were a lightweight too, and whenever he brought you out, he made sure to stay clearheaded. You were very touchy and loving when you had a drink, and he liked being able to wrap his arm around you and pull you close to him. Just to keep you safe, of course. Not at all because he’d been in love with you for over a year.

“Hey, Y/N,” he smiles into his phone. “What are you up to?”

“Give me the phone!” he hears another familiar voice speak, and then there’s some rustling in his ear and suddenly it’s your roommate, on the phone.

“Tyler, hi, sorry for calling you. Y/N is a bit drunk, and she keeps muttering about how much she wants to cuddle your dogs, and we wanna go to another club but I’m worried she’s going to crash. I was going to just put her in a cab but I was wondering if I could give the driver your address? She really won’t shut up about you, dude.”

His heart flutters at the words and instantly, he feels awake. “Don’t put her in a cab, just let me pick her up.” He’s already out of bed, pulling some sweatpants on and a hoodie, a baseball cap covering his hair. Your roommate tells him what club you’re at - one he frequents often, too - and he’s in his car within half a minute.

He might have driven a bit fast, but even if a speeding ticket would fall on the mat the next day, he wouldn’t regret it.

“Just coming to pick up my girl” he tells the bouncer, who simply nods. He wonders if the guy recognized him, or simply didn’t care. Or maybe he really did look like the boyfriend who just got called out of bed to pick up his drunk girlfriend.

Not that you are his girlfriend. But, you know, that’s what it would look like. To a stranger.

“Tyler!” You spot him quicker than he sees you, and suddenly he feels something heavy draped around his shoulders and you’re stumbling against him, smelling like alcohol and smoke and your perfume, and he can’t help but laugh as you nearly fall over and grab onto him to steady yourself. “That’s crazy! I wished you were here and now you are!”

“Cause you called me,” he tells you, amused, and your face scrunches up in confusion.

“Did I?”

He thanks your roommate for calling him, and your friends wave you a quick goodbye before disappearing into the crowd. You barely seem to notice that they’re gone, your attention squarely on the guy in front of you.

“You wanna go home?” Tyler mumbles in your ear, as he starts pushing you upright and wraps an arm around your waist to stop you from toppling over.

“Your home?” you slur, and when he nods, you break out into a smile.

He manages to guide you into his car, but it takes a while; you keeps stumbling over your own feet and bursting out into fits of giggles. He can’t even bring himself to be annoyed, because he finds you adorable, carefree like this. It’s a side of yourself you normally keep hidden away.

“How much did you drink?” he asks, but all you can do is shrug.

“A few.” You lost count long ago.

Tyler starts the car and puts on the radio, knowing you like the background noise. You rest your head against the window, staring out of it while Tyler drives. Suddenly, you turn to him.

“I don’t like when you’re sad.” You say it like realization has only just hit you, and he frowns.

“I’m not sad.”

“Not now. But lately, you’ve been sad more than usual. And I don’t like it. What can I do to make it better?”

He sighs, ignoring the tug on his heartstrings. It’s true that he’s been stressed; the team hasn’t been performing well and it’s a weight on his shoulders, knowing he’s not carrying them like he used to. But he honestly thought he was hiding it well from you. He knew you’d worry, didn’t want you to. You had your own stuff going on.

“Make me some spaghetti, maybe?” he offers, because let’s be honest, you’re a great cook and he can barely scramble an egg.

“I’ll make you all the spaghetti in the world if it makes you happy,” you declare, and then you lean towards him and rest your head on his shoulder. It can’t be comfortable like that, not with the distance between the seats and your seatbelt cutting into your skin, but he doesn’t dare even move an inch, afraid you might move away.

“I’m never sad when you’re around,” he says softly, the knowledge that you probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow making him brave.

“Then I’ll make spaghetti first and then just stay with you forever,” you tell him, as if it’s the obvious solution to all of his problems. And who knows, maybe it is.

You’re both silent for the rest of the drive but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s a silence between two people who know each other inside out, for who just being near each other is enough. When he finally parks the car in his driveway, you leap out of the car, and you’re surprisingly steady on your feet as you walk towards his front door.

He chuckles as he opens the door, knowing what’s got you so excited all of a sudden, and indeed, as soon as the door opens you’re met with three hyperactive Labradors, tails wagging and wet noses pressed against your legs.

“Puppies!” you exclaim, and you basically throw yourself onto the floor in an attempt to pet them all at the same time. “Hello puppies,” you whisper, “did you miss mommy?”

He pretends it doesn’t mean anything to him, to hear you call yourself his dogs’ mommy, and he pretends it doesn’t feel exactly right when you act like it’s your own home you walked into, throwing your coat over a chair and stumbling to the couch, where you drop yourself unceremoniously.

“Sleepy?” he asks you, expecting you to say yes, but you shake your head.

“Nope,” you say, popping the p, “it’s not bedtime.”

“It’s 3 am.”

You frown. “Oh. I woke you up, didn’t I?” You looked upset with yourself, and he sits down next to you on the couch.

“I’m glad you did,” he hums. “I missed you.” Another sentence he would probably not be brave enough to say out loud if he thought you’d remember this in a few hours.

“You saw me yesterday,” you giggle, and then you reach out and brush your fingers through his curls. “But I missed you too. Missed the dogs more, though.” You call Gerry up the couch, who obliges happily, curling up against your stomach. You wrap your arms around the warm, fuzzy animal. “Goodnight.”

“You said you weren’t tired,” Tyler teases, and then he starts pulling down the zipper of your boots, taking them off one by one.

“Thanks,” you mumble. “You’re a good guy, you know.”

“Well, thanks, I’m glad you’ve come to that conclusion after two years,” he jokes.

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend, Ty? I know girls would literally line up to date you. And you’d be such a great boyfriend.”

His heart sinks. Because I’m waiting on you. But those are words he’s not brave enough to say, and he swallows them away, deflects the question, instead.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend? I know guys ask you out all the time. Why do you always say no?”

“Cause they’re not you.” You say it so simply, like it’s a mere fact, like it’s not enough reason for his stomach to make these kinds of somersaults.

It hurts. It hurts like hell, and that’s why he has to remind himself of the situation. “You’re drunk.”

“Maybe.” Your eyes open again, your face moving away from Gerry’s fur. “But haven’t you heard? The drunk mind speaks the sober heart, a drunk tongue never lies, etcetera, etcetera.”

He allows himself, then, to wonder, just for a minute, if there’s any way, any way at all…

“I…”

“Goodnight,” you say again, the words barely audible on your lips.

I love you. The words die on his lips as he watches you close your eyes, resting your head against his dog, and he can almost see the light go out behind your closed eyelids. You look so peaceful, curled up against Gerry, asleep on his couch, and it brings a warmth to his veins.

He kicks your boots away from the couch, and goes to get some painkillers and water to put on the coffee table. He also takes a trash can and puts it next to his couch. Just in case. He has a pretty expensive rug.

Then, he gets a blanket and covers you, carefully placing it so that every part of you up to your shoulders is covered with it. Gerry looks up at him with lazy eyes, and it’s almost like there’s a knowingness in them, like even he knows what Tyler was trying to say. The words he’s not brave enough to say sober.

He traces your cheekbone with his finger, and when you don’t wake up, don’t even stir, he presses a soft kiss to your cheek. To his surprise, you react to that, but all you do is hum and smile, and then you’re completely out again.

He smiles back, even though you can’t see it, and turns off the lights before heading upstairs, leaving you there with Gerry as your guard dog.

One day, one day he’ll tell you how he feels. One day soon, maybe. Because you’re right, a drunk tongue never lies. He knows, deep in his heart, that you feel it too.

He just needs to throw it all out there, put his heart in your hands and wait for you to decide whether or not you’ll crush it to pieces.

He might need a little liquid courage for that.

#tyler seguin #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin one shot #dallas stars #dallas stars imagine #dallas stars one shot #hockey imagine #hockey one shot #nhl imagine #nhl one shot #nhl imagines #nhl one shots #hockey imagines #hockey one shots #hockey writing #nhl writing

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soveryanon · 5 years ago

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Aaand reviewing time for MAG142.

- I have no idea whether it was a conscious decision or a recording accident, but Jonny’s voice, when reading the episode title… was different – less filtered, closer, with more “grain”? And it was telling you, right away, that something would be off and different.

- VA E. Lockley was… incredible and yeah, the woman’s delivery (the distress, the stuttering, the messiness, the slightly rambly bits)… made her feel even more present and “close” than Helen (in MAG047) for me. Character-with-her-own-situation, who got messed up, who is in distress, who is not fine and is trying not to crumble. There were even a few parallel with her experience (after the Buried encounter) and Jon’s, post-Prentiss, that made her even more heartbreaking: like him, she did physio (MAG050, Tim: “Well, there was a police woman asking after you. You know, the one who came to look into Gertrude. […] Uh… yesterday. You were at physical therapy.”); unlike him, she went to therapy (MAG058, Martin: “Look, look, you just got to let me work through this. Alright? I suggested therapy, but he just says no, so–”) and… like she said, “did everything [she] was supposed to do”:

(MAG142) WOMAN: I had pretty bad, uh, nightmares, claustrophobia, I mean… Obviously, right? But, uh, but–but I did my physio, and, you know, talked wi–with the counsellor they gave me? Look, I did everything I was supposed to, and–and yeah, I… I guess I was fine.

… and everything got utterly ruined because of what Jon did to her, while she doesn’t even have enough knowledge to blame him. But we… we know. It was very important to hear her voice indeed? And Martin handled her with proper care – not doubting for one instant that she was telling the truth, leaving her space to tell her story, validating her, even though the story wasn’t what he wanted to hear… or what we wanted to hear, either. (And because of the content of the story: no, there is no way she could have been written as lying or putting things out of proportions – she even pointed out how the police would treat her, it would be absolutely insensitive to write someone filing a harassment complaint as lying or misinterpreting things. So, everything she told really happened to her in the TMA-verse, even though it’s not a pleasant truth.)

- … yeah, so we have Jon going after “stories”: they’re not “statements” anymore, he didn’t use his markers (“Statement begins/Statement ends”) with Floyd and the woman didn’t make any mention of them either, nor did he give the date and the person doing the recording – we only had an indication about the date thanks to the (meta) episode case. It’s not about archiving, it’s about… consumption. And he’s not receiving the stories either: he’s extorting them, forcing people, instead of them coming to him (as statement-givers coming to the Institute). It’s even more symbolically significant that Daisy went to talk to Martin right after the woman’s departure since… so far, Daisy had been the only person we knew for sure had been forced to give her statement, back in MAG061, as she pointed out to Basira later:

(MAG061) ARCHIVIST: Whatever you like! Fourteen years, you must have seen a number of paranormal things. DAISY: And you want me to tell you about them? ARCHIVIST: I–I… DAISY: Okay. ARCHIVIST: What? DAISY: Okay! I’ll give you a statement, about how I got my first section 31. You look surprised. ARCHIVIST: I mean, I was largely asking as a formality. Basira didn’t give the impression you were the… sharing sort. DAISY: Maybe you caught me in a good mood. […] ARCHIVIST: Right! Thank you! Are you quite alright? DAISY: No. I never told that story to anyone except my old Sergeant. ARCHIVIST: I’m not sure I, uh… DAISY: I should go.

(MAG091) BASIRA: Just let him go. DAISY: You don’t know what he is. You don’t know what it’s like to have your secrets pulled out like teeth, just because he asked?

It had been… softer and subtler, when he had done that – it was striking that Daisy didn’t want to talk, until Jon began to probe and she began to accept (Jon himself had been surprised by the change); the compulsion had only been confirmed by her harsh departure and the way she recalled the events. Meanwhile, the woman, in MAG142, was absolutely preyed upon, cornered, violated, and her voice actor did a fantastic job? But oh Lord, was it so, so hard to listen to, even without factoring in that it was Jon doing that to her. I think we’d never had something this violent and desperate…?

Meanwhile, from Jon’s portrayal in MAG142 (two weeks ago) and what we saw in MAG141, he seems to be getting more… frantic? He waited for a while before interacting with the woman, but he almost jumped on Floyd, although he had just been told they would still be sailing for two days (so they would be stuck on the same boat for a while). And it does… kind of fit with something we know about Jon:

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: And you can’t just give me all of the statements? ELIAS: Jon, even when you had them all at your disposal, you barely got through one statement a week. Why do you think that is? It takes its toll on you. And I know you’ve had problems with moderation.

… that little problem about “moderation”. (Which was probably tying in with the fact that he used to smoke before the Institute, and has been back to smoking at least by the end of season 2, when he left Leitner to have a cigarette – and he still had cigarettes on him when Daisy went through his stuff in MAG091 and with Gerry in MAG111. Not to mention the whole Web lighter affair, whatever it’s actually doing to him.) It’s also… kinda… relevant… that The Woman in MAG142 described him as being fed through her reopened trauma:

(MAG142) WOMAN: His eyes, like… his eyes, like, we–were… drinking in every fragment of my misery. I can’t… It… [PAUSE] And then it was over. And he looked… he looked at me like he’d just eaten… like, a perfectly cooked steak.

Because Elias had narrated Beholding’s influence on “The Archivist” as creating hunger, precisely:

(MAG120) ELIAS: And at last, the Archivist looks up. At last, he looks into The Eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all and everything and forever.

Fuck you, Beholding.

… and I’ll allow myself One Joke about the whole ordeal, because:

(MAG115) ARCHIVIST: [DEEP SIGH] I suppose in some ways it’s strange I’m not a vegetarian yet, what with everything I know. But… I rather think someone in my position has to take their small pleasures where they can, and if it occasionally delights some grotesque meat-god, well… c’est la vie.

You REALLY should have tried to go vegetarian back then, Jon :/

- … Which makes it a bit curious that he… was described as “tired”, then?

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Ah, uh, alright. Hum… Did he… [SIGH] … Did he look like he hadn’t slept in like– WOMAN: Mm–mm. MARTIN: –a week? WOMAN: Yep, uh… MARTIN: … Right…

Like, obviously, it was… in a dark humour way, hilarious that Martin was able to guess it was Jon with just “someone from your Institute stalking me” and that his way of describing Jon was to point out the lack of sleep – Jon Is A Perpetual Tired Man and this is the man Martin has a crush on. Confirmation that it’s not about physical appearances (Canonically mlm and hot Tim was RIGHT THERE, Martin, and you went for “that”, and we still don’t know why or when it began, but there’s still so much room to shame your tastes.)

But you would think that… if Jon had been going around pulling statements out of (unwilling) people, he would be/look… rested? Well? So: was she the first one? Was Jon trying to avoid his dreams, until he snapped? Is this a matter of “starving” and only going for it when he was too hungry…?

- ;; Jon looked… so one-dimensional in that state? And as Martin said amongst his hypotheses, all “instinct”. Which makes me think about three things, and they’re not happy:

* Mike smelling a prey, actually?

(MAG075, Stephen Walker) “It was as Grant was making his gradual ascent that I saw the man with the scar. He was stood there, just across the street, watching us. […] His pale eyes were entirely focused on Grant making his excruciating way up the ladder. If he noticed me watching him, he gave no sign of it.” (MAG091) MIKE: A… uh, a Paris skyscraper, was it you said? I honestly, I, I can’t say I recall it in detail, but that does… sounds about right. Sometimes it’s hard to keep track.

(DO YOU KEEP TRACK, JON.)

* The whole thing about the Creature Under Alexandria reaching for Sergeant Walter Heller (especially since… Heller might have had a Spooky encounter before meeting it? So was it attracted to that story?) and HUM…

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: So it’s… it’s back to breadcrumbs, and statements, and risking my life talking to things that barely remember how to be human anymore? […] Am I… Elias, am I still human? ELIAS: Jon, what does human even mean? I mean, really? You still bleed, you can still die. And your will is still your own, mostly. That’s more than can be said for a lot of the “real’ humans out there. … You’re worried about ending up like that thing, lurking in the dirt under the streets of Alexandria? Don’t be. Just do what you need to, and you’ll be fine. Understood?

Elias, why are you so full of lies. (Though it’s possible that, indeed, Jon didn’t do “what he needs to”, and that he’s been… doing extra-work/is out of control. But MMMM. MMMMM.)

* *CRIES IN TIM*

(MAG114) TIM: So, why don’t you “Archivist” me, then? Just pull it straight out. ARCHIVIST: Because I don’t want to! I am not your enemy, Tim. TIM: [DISMISSIVELY] Like that matters! These things aren’t human. It’s… instinct. You can’t not. ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] I’m still me, Tim. [TIM HUFFS] I’m still… me. TIM: [EXHALES DEEPLY] … You know what? You’re actually right.

LIKE WOW??? RUDE??? TIM STOKER DIDN’T GO OUT WITH A BANG FOR THIS??? (It’s… super-upsetting, to me, that Jon Is Currently what Tim had accused him of being/turning into back at the time ORZ ORZ And if we get Jon back, and/or if he’s confronted about it, I wonder if… the fact that he would be disappointing Tim would be a point to be made.)

- So, turns out that MAG141 indeed wasn’t a first try, and there is the obvious question of… how long Jon has been extorting live-statements here and there, since the fact that we didn’t hear any recording of the woman beforehand means that we haven’t been hearing Everything of Jon’s spook-related activities before MAG141. Possibilities regarding the turning point:

* Since Jon woke up and was released from the hospital (after MAG122).

* Since… after the coffin? Given Elias’s comment in MAG135 (“Consider it a test – things are… coming, things that will need Jon to be far stronger and more willing to use his connection to our patron. His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing. I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait.”), I don’t really feel like it could have been a thing before – I mean, the way Jon behaved in MAG141 and was described in MAG142 screamed “very willing to use his connection to their patron”… And Jon had mentioned a few things after the coffin:

(MAG135) ARCHIVIST: I don’t… like interacting with the rest of the Institute these days. The way they look at me, I– … I don’t know. I don’t know what they’ve heard, what the rumours going around are, but… they have definitely heard something…! [SIGH] And they can’t wait until they don’t have to talk to me anymore. Can’t honestly say I blame them, none of this is easy. Everyone’s just trying to get through as best they can. Living one day at a time. [SIGH] But I can’t afford to be just living one day at a time, I need… a plan. But I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve… And no one… no one wants to tell me.

(MAG137) ARCHIVIST: Ever since I crawled out of that damn coffin, I feel like I’ve been… adrift. Filling in blanks and diving into History, but only…! [EXASPERATED SIGH] The breadcrumbs I’m finding are… stale. Old. … What the hell is The Watcher’s Crown? […] I feel like I’m on a deadline, like I’m running out of time somehow – and I don’t even know where to go! What to look for, o–or… [EXHALE] Just casting around blindly for more clues to just… drop into my lap. Everyone else is… running towards something, or running away, and I… [SIGH] I don’t know what I’m doing. [PAUSE] [SIGH] I’m just tired. Think I might go lie down for a while. Get a cup of tea. [HUFF]

(Though, I feel like this option is reaching and stretching… a lot: because DUH, the staff would have had a lot of reasons to be wary of Jon or of the Archives in general without even factoring in the possibility of rumours that Jon had been mentally manhandling people (he… was losing it a bit already in season 2? He ran away and got accused of murder for two months before coming back? He spent six months in a coma after a wax museum exploded? Tim was ranting to everyone about being bound to the Archives, and people thought it was mostly depression, but then he died in said explosion?); and DUH, Jon would feel aimless after the coffin, when his return to the Institute had been a succession of settling back in, trying to get updated on the assistants’ current state, saving Melanie from the bullet, almost immediately focusing on the Rescue Daisy mini-arc from episode 128 to 132, leading to her coming back and… then nothing else, no Main Goal anymore, and just time passing.)

The biggest clue that someone could have been happening behind the scene after the coffin is Jon’s intake of statements: there were 10 between MAG122 (February 15th?, Jon waking up) and MAG132 (March 24th, inside of the coffin), including one extracted statement (Breekon’s, MAG128), one tape from Gertrude (with Lucia, MAG130), one live-statement (Jared’s, MAG131) and one recording from Jon (rescuing Daisy, MAG132), so 9 “active” pieces of content in six weeks if you exclude Gertrude’s… and then, only six until the end of May (MAG140), including one recording from Gertrude (MAG137), so five “active” pieces of content in two months if you exclude hers (+ 2 statements read by Martin, if assistants count – they seemed to, back in season 3, since Elias was pushing them to regularly read statements because Jon was “too inconsistent” about it).

* Since after MAG139, because Jon tried to sneak a peek at Peter’s plans and it backfired. It could have the added tragic bits that… Jon had been wary of his Inner Door, told Basira that opening it would mean drowning; and he eventually purposefully tried very hard to Know about something, deliberately… because he was too worried for Martin.

* Since after MAG140 and Basira told him about the plan to Ny-Ålesund.

MAG142 gives more credentials to a change having happened around MAG139/MAG140 on account of the given timeline:

(MAG140) BASIRA: Summer solstice is the 21st of June. So we leave in a fortnight. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Right. BASIRA: And should arrive about a week before.

(MAG142) WOMAN: Look, life went back to… normal, I… I was fine. Until… [CHOKING] about two weeks ago. MARTIN: And that was when you met J– … Er, one of our employees. WOMAN: … That’s when he showed up.

Which means the succession of events was likely:

MAG139: somewhere at the end of May => MAG140: one day after MAG139 (Jon referred to it as “yesterday”) => events described in MAG142 => Jon&Basira departing => MAG141 (June 11th) => MAG142 (June 12th).

If Jon had been going around taking statements for a long while, I think the woman’s story would have been dated from a few more weeks, or months prior, just to get that point across? Though it’s also possible that, like MAG141, the date is a red herring to keep us into a false sense of (relative) security still: Floyd’s story is mysterious enough that it might contain something that could be used against The Dark, so there is still the possibility that Jon extorted it for that reason… but MAG142 was without hesitation a Buried one, so not actual data, so it has nothing to do with actual information but just about feeding, and we’re slowly running out of rational explanations which could motivate Jon’s sudden harshness (“it’s because it was important information, and just one time, to someone mostly innocent but involved in fishy business with a reccurring character” => “there was no relevant information to the current case, and Jon had done this to people before, and he targeted absolutely innocent people”) so… could be that It All Began just before the trip, or could be that we will discover that it had been going on for longer than that.

- However long Jon has been doing that… I don’t think that the punchline was that he had been utterly lying on tape throughout all of season 4? Honestly, I… wouldn’t find this interesting – I’m too used to twists being that your (unreliable) narrator was actually Evil/Really Bad all along and, precisely, the series had taken a more interesting approach with this in season 1 (with the fact that Jon appeared as pompous and elitist and sceptic and dry… and, okay, was a bit of that, but also scared and trying to hide it), so it would feel a bit of a let-down if that was the case in the end? And we’ve had a few occurrences of Jon not immediately being aware that he was recorded (he hadn’t spotted the tape recorder at first in MAG122 and MAG123, the tape recorder was in Martin’s room in MAG129 when Jon entered), and he acted exactly the same as when he was in control of the recording. When he accidentally compelled Melanie in MAG136, he immediately apologised (which means he knew he had wronged her, which means he still had a spontaneous sense of morals, or at least, of understanding when he was crossing a line and doing something harmful and unwelcome).

One thing that might be true, however: if season 1 showed us one thing, it’s also… that through his recordings, Jon can present the world how he wishes it were. So, if he’s been… extorting and assaulting people for their stories all along, I really don’t think he lied and feigned the empathy for the victims, nor the fact that he was feeling doubts and concern, but more like, that he wished it were as simple as this…? Though it would also come across as a very… unsavoury way to Appeal For His Life – there is a big distinction about sighing about his inhumanity because he’s feeling aimless and unsure of what he’s supposed to do, and doing it while aware that he’d be causing harm here and there.

And the thing with MAG141 and MAG142 is that it’s supposed to feel like a shock; there was no progression(/degression) in Jon’s speeches during the season, no growing apathy towards victims. He kept expressing sadness and uneasiness! Before trying to take a look at Peter’s plan, he had launched into a rant about having “feelings” and “doubts”! It’s not even that he was feeling more and more isolated – since he got Daisy back, they’ve been bonding, Jon confessed to liking her (… and even went to such extremes as listening to The Archers with her). And suddenly, we’re faced with Jon doing… a complete face-heel turn: there is nothing comparable, nothing… progressive between the way he “extracted” Breekon’s statement in MAG128 (partially in defense, because Breekon was on the verge of attacking Basira) and received Jared’s in MAG131 (something that Jared forced on him: Jon had just been told that someone had commanded the attack over the Institute, and Jared went for that form and made it a deal against Jon’s rib), and going… after innocents, as consumption, as food, because statements are a “meal” and he doesn’t care much if that means wrecking people forever. The woman from MAG142 was the most innocent you could ever get: she didn’t know about the Magnus Institute, didn’t want to tell what had happened to her, didn’t even blame Jon for the after-effects and her reopened wounds (“Look. I know that’s not… [CHUCKLE] That is my brain. I’m not blaming him for, for being in my dreams. You know, I guess I can’t! [SNIFF] That’s absurd, right? It’s not… [PAUSE] But I feel like I’m seeing him when I’m awake, as well?” … although we know that it was directly his fault). She didn’t even express contempt or disrespect at Martin; she was calm, her story didn’t involve any shady business. She had her initial trauma and, as she said, she worked and fought by herself to get well (“But, uh, but–but I did my physio, and, you know, talked wi–with the counsellor they gave me? Look, I did everything I was supposed to, and–and yeah, I… I guess I was fine.”) before Jon came in and ruined her life – she can’t work anymore, her whole ability to function has been impacted, she’s in clear distress. What Jon did to her was… absolutely unwarranted and gratuitous. And… honestly, except for willingly launching The Watcher’s Crown, I have trouble picturing what he could possibly do that would be worse than this?

Season 4, at least on tape, hasn’t been Jon’s slow descent into monsterhood; it has been a constant string of Jon expressing doubts, sadness for victims, and trying to regain contact with the assistants. So what happened, for him to suddenly dive in and become so instinctive…? Or if it had always been there, out of record, what was going through Jon’s head…? (What was going though Jon’s head, when he was watching the woman as she was waiting for her date…? Because she was alone, at first, and yet, he didn’t immediately came for her…)

Basically: we’re missing pieces, and that’s the point, but uuuuuh…

- Anyway, meanwhile, I’m guessing that Elias got put into solitary confinement because the amount of [PLEASURED EXHALATION] he must have breathed out in these past two weeks made the guards AND the other inmates too uncomfortable.

- Aaaand the trend of people who had a Beholding-related encounter and are especially uneasy at the Institute keeps going:

(MAG053) GERTRUDE: One other thing. That feeling of being watched… have you ever had it since? WALTER: Well, I wasn’t sure whether to say anything, but… yes, I have, just now. That… funny turn I took on the way down the stairs, I felt it again. All those eyes, watching me.

(MAG060, Rosa Meyer) “Not that I could rest anyway. Those eyes still haunt my dreams, and follow me through the waking world. Even here. Especially… here.”

(MAG142) WOMAN: But I feel like I’m seeing him when I’m awake, as well? I’ve been… I’ve been having a lot of problems, since he talked to me, well, since I talked to him. […] Every time I do, every time I get that… panic just rising up my throat… I see him. He’s there. Not when I look properly. But just at the edge. The corner of my eye. And he’s gone. […] I, I… I can’t… this place… I… I can’t be here. I have to… [OPENING DOOR] MARTIN: Uh, no– WOMAN: Bye!

Which. Is still a possible explanation as to why there are so few Beholding statements outside of the letters addressed to Jonah: because people have to be exceptionally tough to not feel crushed and even more pressured inside of the Institute, if they’ve already been marked/offered to Beholding.

- I… hadn’t really given much thought about it, but actually, the distinction between feeding/being fed from, for the Archivist, might be through respectively live and written statements? Back in season 3, Elias had highlighted to Jon that they were taxing on him, and Jon had mentioned to Georgie that he was experiencing the fears himself, when reading them:

(MAG089) JUDE: It’s like you’re not even listening. You have your god, as I have mine. Feed it, fearlessly and without hesitation, or it will feed on you. ARCHIVIST: But I don’t… I don’t… I mean, I mean, what do I feed it? JUDE: I don’t know? You’re the one it picked. Not a great choice, if you ask me.

(MAG091) MIKE: That’s… that’s all, I think. Since then I’ve embraced my new life; gladly fed that which feeds me.

(MAG093) ARCHIVIST: You’ve seen monsters? GEORGIE: Not the time, Jon. ARCHIVIST: Right, it’s… it’s just I think I’m turning into one. GEORGIE: Really? That’s… not great. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. Ever since I took this job, I’ve felt a compulsion to read out some of the statements. The ones that really touched the supernatural. And when I do… I… I feel them. I feel their confusion and fear. I tried to write it off, but…

Though Jon doubled-over at the end of MAG094, after the Hellish Five Days covering MAG089 (Jude’s live), MAG091 (Mike’s live), MAG092 (Elias showdown), MAG093 (written statement), MAG094 (Georgie’s live). And a written statement was enough to perk him up in MAG107. But I wonder if, now that Jon has… “become something else”, the live-statements aren’t precisely feeding him, and more tempting, while the written ones make the Beholding feed from him…? The woman in MAG142 was insistent over the fact that Jon looked… replenished, after he was done with her, and Jon told Basira in MAG141 that Floyd’s was helping him to go “full power”, so it definitely looks like it’s the actual way to feed for an Archivist… while it used to be pretty neutral, effects-wise, before his coma?

(And even in season 4, Jon didn’t sound that much lively in MAG131, after taking Jared’s, so…? Was that because Jared is a spook, and it’s less nourishing? Or is it because a new dependency/feeding system has grown alongside Jon’s powers, developing through the ordeals – after the coffin in MAG132, and/or after he tried to take a look at The Lonely in MAG139?)

- Amongst things that have apparently changed, relatedly to Jon’s powers… the effects of taking live-statements did: Daisy and Basira only mentioned dreams, but the woman in MAG142 made it clear that it wasn’t just that. It sounds like, additionally to the dreams, Jon re-traumatised her (since she has been plagued with panic attacks every time she’s triggered, although she used to be able to handle it), which makes her relive the fear of The Buried… with additional Feeling Of Being Watched. So, feeding both The Buried and Beholding? (How come only The Lonely is financing the Institute and getting all chummy with them, then, if Beholding has the potential to give back to the other Fears the snacks that had managed to get away?)

So why did the live-statements Jon extorted have different effects than usual? Multiple parameters have changed since the ones from the first three seasons. Is it because he’s more The Archivist now, after having chosen, and this is what true full Archivists do to people? Is it because The Watcher’s Crown is coming closer and Beholding is reaching its peak power? I’m reminded of Smirke’s letter (MAG138), when The Eye was precisely haunting both his dreams and his daily world, and that’s how Smirke came to the conclusion that Jonah was on the verge of doing something regrettable. Other option: … Assuming there wasn’t any tape recorder indeed: is it because the statement hadn’t been recorded, back then, and the recorders alleviate the Beholding effect…? (=> I’m still amongst the people considering hard that the tape recorders are actually Web, so, it could be a matter of hijacking Beholding’s dominion a bit…?)

- ;; Whether The Watcher’s Crown attempt is planned for the end of season 4 or for later into season 5… you can feel, meta-wise, that Something Beholding is coming closer and closer. There had been very few statements about The Eye throughout the entire series so far (full-on Eye: MAG023, MAG53, MAG060, MAG120) and… we’re already at three new ones in season 4 – MAG127, MAG138, MAG142.

- One of the themes of the episode seems to be about the temptation of the Dread Powers: Lonely for Martin, Beholding for Jon, Hunt for Daisy.

(MAG142) MARTIN: Th–the worst part is I don’t even want to talk to him about it. I’m just… [SIGH] I suppose I’m just getting comfortable with the distance. [SIGH] Cut off. [DRY CHUCKLE] “Lonely”. [INHALE] Mind you, Peter’s not wrong. It really is easier than actually just trying to communicate with people. […] They told you about Elias, right? DAISY: Yeah…. Basira said. Don’t like him being alive. Trying not to think about it too much. Don’t want to get too angry. Start to… hear the… blood. […] MARTIN: I mean… I guess. It still sounds really dangerous. DAISY: Yeaaah. Wanted to go with them, protect them, but… [PAUSE] Life’s always more complicated than that, isn’t it? MARTIN: Not really.

Daisy got enough distance, in the coffin, to delimitate herself separately from The Hunt, which had shaped her life until now – it’s a looming threat, and keeping away from it means accepting sacrifices, in the form of not being there for the people she cares about (now, “Basira and Jon”: not Basira anymore):

(MAG132) DAISY: I’m sc–scared, but… Mm–mm… But I… I feel more, feel more m–me than I have for years. Maybe all my life… The, The Hunt was me, b–but I don’t, I don’t think I liked it. I think it just made me… need… it… I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better…

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: [EXHALES] She is trying to keep a clear head. Stay away from The Hunt as much as possible. You valued her purpose. Her resolve. The sort of things–

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: Is Daisy coming? BASIRA: … No. ARCHIVIST: … Oh. I, I–I just thought– BASIRA: We’ve talked about it. If The Hunt takes her again… we don’t know if she’s coming back. And neither of us want that. ARCHIVIST: … No, o–of–of course.

As it was presented with the last two episodes, Jon crashed and burned himself through Beholding; whatever he is right now, however he thinks, he’s deep in – and though he may (or may not) have been initially trying to use his powers for good, or with a goal in mind… it’s now about consuming, about feeding, about indulging, whether he had realised it or not. Meanwhile, Martin is seeing appeal in the Lonely – Peter’s magic/management is doing its work (and Gerry had warned us that the Lukases were good at grooming their own). Respectively reformed, currently into it, and tempted to give in, because the powers offer something they crave: being a fighter and having the power to protect or to strike at those who offended her for Daisy, getting information, knowledge and obtaining new pieces to complete the ongoing puzzles for Jon, being at peace of mind and not heartbroken anymore for Martin.

(- And Martin has been closing himself off without… realising to which extent, apparently:

(MAG142) DAISY: Yeah. Just a… a bit empty around here. You know? MARTIN: Not really. DAISY: Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off. Bit worried. But they can take care of themselves, you know? MARTIN: Again, not really. [SHORT HUMOURLESS LAUGHTER] No one talks to me anymore. […] Anyway. So, what’s this field trip they’re on? DAISY: They, uh… they didn’t tell you? MARTIN: [DRY CHUCKLE] No, I… What. … [QUICKLY] Daisy, where have they gone? DAISY: You know that town in Norway? MARTIN: What? I… Wai– Wh–what?! You don’t mean Ny-Ålesund? DAISY: Yyyeah. They reckon there’s a ritual they need to, you know… MARTIN: Yeah, but Peter didn’t even men…! [OPENS DRAWERS, SHUFFLES THROUGH THINGS] I don’t believe this!

Basira had mentioned that she had stopped trying to reach for him, after his mother’s death; but Martin had accepted to cut off from Jon entirely, and has shown multiple times that he’s been relying on Peter for information. Maybe Basira stopped trying, but it’s mostly… that Martin made himself so inaccessible. And there is something very fitting (though sad) with that? Because indeed, Martin kept trying to make connections with people and being rejected or betrayed – his attentions never meeting their goal. He took care of his mother for years; he was quite mistreated by Jon even when trying to make things a bit better, or less bittersweet (prime example being the beginning of MAG069, when he brought tea for Jon, and was turned away). And as he spat to Elias’s face in MAG118, he was very aware that the “good” moments he had spent with Not!Sasha had been cruel lies, that he felt bad for spending with Sasha’s murderer? And his relationship with Tim had deteriorated through season 2 already, reaching the point in season 3 when… Tim didn’t factor him in at all, focused on his revenge and didn’t spare any thought for Martin because he didn’t know him like he knew Sasha? And Martin never really managed to form any connection with Melanie nor Basira, and Daisy used to frighten him. So, the temptation of the Lonely makes a lot of sense… and maybe Daisy will manage to pierce through it? She’s been a constant surprise in season 4 – actually bonding with Jon, and now managing to… have a meaningful talk with Martin? The fact that they shut down the tape recorder while still together might mean that they’ll keep talking and that it… could do Martin some good? That they could act on something together?)

- The clock in the background made it sound like the scene was taking place in Elias’s office again? (I think the sound the door made was the same, too?) So, “Assistant to Peter Lukas”, really? Nah. Martin has been slowly taking over all of Elias’s tasks: taking care of the Institute’s administration

and

receiving

the complaints about Jon.

(I’m not even joking: the first time ever that we heard Elias talk… was when he relayed to Jon that Naomi had filed a complaint about him, in MAG017. And now, it’s MARTIN taking care of even that. I don’t want Martin to become the new Head Director because that can mean anything good, but UUUUUh at the same time. All these tiny ways in which he is literally replacing Elias are hilarious but, accumulated, are beginning to get suspicious.)

Plus, I do love

(MAG142) WOMAN: I don’t, a– Look, I just need to, to talk to a… a–a manager, or something? MARTIN: Okay, uh, well, uh… Uh, yeah, actually, [CHUCKLE] I’m a, I’m a manager. G–go on?

How more and more confident he’s getting at Bullshitting… but AT THE SAME TIME. Martin is managing Peter and used to manage Jon. He does deserve to be called “a manager”, okay.

- MARTIN IS STILL A BEHOLDING BABY!! After the (glorious) mess that was MAG100, Martin had been the only one of the assistants to take a live-statement: Tim’s, in MAG104, though, okay, Tim was also an assistant himself and it was… probably a Beholding effect that allowed him to be so articulate? But Martin technically took another one with MAG142, and the woman’s story was clearly messier and less “fluid”, she had a lot of trouble explaining things, and the point that it wasn’t the first time that she was telling her story (“And I start to tell him… everything. About the job, about the collapse, ab–about the hand… And more than I told you, even, and–and…”)… but still. Beholding might not be giving up on him, uh?

Also, it’s Aza’s pet-theory that Martin might be compelling/manipulating people to do what he wants by asking “Please” (even though there is no static), and MMMM… both Tim and the woman uncoiled and began to talk after he said that word…

(MAG104) MARTIN: Please. TIM: [EXHALEs] Fine. Fine. I’ll tell him in person, when he gets back from… wherever it is that he’s vanished to. MARTIN: China. And if you try to tell him in person, you’ll just end up at each other’s throats. You know you will. TIM: … [BITTERLY] Statement of Timothy Stoker, on the disappearance of... of my brother, Danny, four years ago. June 14th, 2017.

(MAG142) MARTIN: Just… just tell me what happened. Hum, please. I–I won’t judge. [SILENCE] WOMAN: Alright. Uh. So, you… [SIGH] You’ve, uh… you’ve got to understand my job, okay?

(+ Melanie relenting when he went “Melanie. Melanie, please.” in MAG118, etc.)

- Anyway, I’m so so glad that Martin’s pettiness has been skyrocketing in season 4.

(MAG082) DAISY: Well, if your witnesses appear back in this universe, maybe the situation will change. Otherwise, it’s an easy choice: answer my question or I pin it on you. MARTIN: Y–you can’t! Th–that’s not how this works. [SILENCE] … Is it? DAISY: Let me tell you how this works, Mr. Blackwood. I’ve got a hell of a workload, no partner and full operational discretion to make this whole situation go away. That means you help me or I make things very unpleasant for you.

(MAG142) DAISY: I said… I don’t want to talk about it. [SILENCE] MARTIN: I know. [PAUSE] Not nice being interrogated, is it? DAISY: I… [EXHALE] Oh. MARTIN: Yeah. [SILENCE] DAISY: [INHALE] I’m sorry, Martin.

February 2017 vs. June 2018, it was sixteen months ago, and he didn’t let that go. FORGIVE AND FORGET? NO AHAHAHAH RESENT AND REMEMBER.

- AND I’M SO GLAD THAT DAISY APOLOGISED… that she understood on her own why Martin was so petty and cutting at her – that she had given him reasons to!

(And uuuh… that parallel between Daisy-towards-Basira and Martin-towards-Jon… I didn’t know how much I wanted Daisy and Martin to have an Actual Conversation until now, but… they work… so fine… hopeless pining gays aware that their crushes are fucking idiots throwing themselves into things without plans, all of them…)

- Uh! So Martin listened to MAG061’s tape!

(MAG142) MARTIN: I listened to your old statement. Wasn’t your partner down there? DAISY: Yeah. Didn’t find him. MARTIN: You don’t wanna go get him? DAISY: I’m not going back. MARTIN: Hm! I thought you would have at least tried, or–

(As an aside, we know Jon had taken the tape along with him when he went into the coffin to rescue Daisy…)

So why and when did Martin listen to that specific statement and remember about that detail…? (He’s usually… notoriously pretty bad at cross-checking information or remembering names from one statement to another, see how he didn’t remember about “Rayner” back in season 3.)

- Speaking of tapes, there were a few things:

(MAG142) MARTIN: I should probably try to get him this tape, let him know what happened, that someone came in to… But then, ahah, would that just come across as an accusation? Like, because I don’t wanna… And then, then I guess he’d… hear this bit as well, so… I… I… [LONG EXHALE] What do I do…? […] DAISY: … [INHALE] You recording, or…? MARTIN: Hm? Uh, oh… Oh, no, there was– Hang on… [CLICK.]

The fact that the woman’s complaint and story was recorded was a conscious decision from Martin, or at least, he was aware of the recording (=> it didn’t… sneakily begin to record without him noticing). But it’s strange that the woman didn’t mention any tape recorder with Jon when he preyed on her – maybe it was there, hidden, but maybe there wasn’t any…? If that’s the case, why…? (…………… if it was recorded, that means there might be a hidden stash of… encounters like this, of Jon pressuring people into giving their statements…)

- We got quite the roundabout of Martin’s ambivalent bits this episode: he was good towards the woman (treating her with the respect she deserved), expressed offense and disgust at Jon’s actions………………… and then right away, went back to being Considerate Of Jon’s Feelings and to worrying over him the instant he was given the incentive:

(MAG142) MARTIN: Uh, but you didn’t give me your– [DOOR CLOSES] … name. [SIGH] [RUFFLING PAPER] [SILENCE] [SIGH] … What the hell do I do with that?! I mean, Christ, Jon, that’s… that’s not okay! Oh, that can’t– that can’t… I mean, it’s not him, is it? Not, not really? It’s, what, addiction, instinct, maybe mind control, something like that? I… can’t believe he’d choose to do something like that. … No, no, I, I can’t think like that, though, I, I can’t let myself, ‘cause I mean, if, if he‘s already gone, then all of this is just… […] MARTIN: No, no, it’s… thank you, I just… [CLOSES DRAWER] For God’s sake, can he not stay safe for like, for like ten minutes?! DAISY: I don’t think that’s an option for him anymore. MARTIN: Yeah, I mean, sure… [SLAMS A DRAWER SHUT] But he just…! He doesn’t think! He always just immediately charges straight off into danger with whatever… whatever half-arsed plan o–occurs to him at the time! I don’t get it!

… It’s probably not a good thing that he’s… so prompt to getting worried over Jon instead of reconsidering things through his actions (it’s like he had… immediately forgotten the woman’s story as soon as Daisy explained that Jon was going into Danger territory) but… it makes sense with Martin’s point of view – because he had agreed to some sacrifice for the others’ and Jon’s well-being, and, indeed, if he were to accept that Jon is gone… then, it means that it was partially for naught – unless Martin manages to find New Reasons. (But it kind of confirms that Martin really doesn’t have many things he cares for/about left in the world…)

- Whatever is happening with Jon, it’s either not one of the options that Martin considered, either a mix of all of them (“addiction, instinct, maybe mind control”)? We know that Jon has had ~problems with moderation~ and Jon had discovered and acknowledged that he was getting addicted to written-statements, back in season 3, without… giving it much thought:

(MAG107) ARCHIVIST: I feel… a lot better! … I’d love to rattle off a lot of potential other reasons for this, nice rational causes of recovery, but… I feel we’re past the point of transparent rationalisations. It looks like the recording of statements has now passed over from psychological compulsion into… a more physical dependence. I don’t know whether this is… some sort of classical addiction or something a bit deeper. But either way, this is not the time for experimentation. I’m on a deadline, and if I need to be reading statements to stay well enough, then I suppose that’s what I shall do.

And the way Jon was described kind of remind me of Trevor’s relationship with The Hunt? (MAG056, “In the early 80s, I was deep in the grip of my twin addictions. As I mentioned, after a while, the hunt became an addiction of its own. Of the two, I’ve always found heroin the easier one to quit. […] But the hunt… the hunt is a purpose. It’s not just a way to get through the day, it’s a reason for there to be a day at all.”)

There has been so much talk about “choices” this season that… the bottom line will probably be that yes, Jon did choose it and will be aware of it. Either it was something he was trying to get under control, for a Greater Plan (trying to Power Up to fight The Dark?), either it was mainly hunger when he began to do these things but… despite Martin’s repulsion at the idea, I don’t think the answer will be anything less than “yes, maybe he was influenced, but Jon did choose it”…?

- You can feel that Daisy is a bit older/more experienced than the others and… it’s interesting that, in the end, she’s knowledgeable about human behaviours and able to decipher them?

(MAG142) DAISY: I, I mean, it’s pretty standard stuff. MARTIN: What?! DAISY: Used to see it all the time back in the force, especially with the Section’d. Not like there’s… “normal” trauma, you know? But it’s pretty common. The most important thing becomes control, engaging on your own terms. Even when it’s stupid or dangerous. Anything to not feel helpless.

(She was Section’d for fourteen years, she had been working in the police for sixteen years in December 2016, so she’s at the very least 35-ish years old, while Jon&Martin are around 30.)

AND I LOVED HOW SHE REMINDED MARTIN THAT SHE USED TO BE A DETECTIVE…

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Yeah. [LONG INHALE] I suppose. [LONG EXHALE] You’re… you’re pretty observant, you know? DAISY: Detective, remember? MARTIN: Yeah, you did mention. Would have thought Basira would’ve had more sense, though. DAISY: When Basira and I were partners, I’d see this happen sometimes. She can read a… situation like no one I know, always seems to know the right move, but for all her research, she never wants to put a plan together. I think she just hates all the unknowns, the… variables. [SIGH] Contingencies. If she spots an advantage, she’ll… grab it, and trust herself to figure out the details as she goes.

Elias has been nagging Basira, calling her “detective” (and Georgie called her one in MAG122, and Peter referred to her as such in MAG134) but… it was Daisy, officially – Basira was only a Police Constable. Daisy had it in her to lean towards Beholding, uh…? And it’s nice to see that Daisy didn’t have that title for nothing? And it’s interesting to see the contrast between her and Basira – with Daisy, initially being presented as savage and violent (a “rabid dog” according to Elias), actually attuned to the way people work, and Basira, quieter and “soft” (according to Daisy in MAG061), seemingly level-headed… being actually the impulsive and chaotic one.

- But WOOPS.

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: So what’s the plan? BASIRA: I’m getting us passage on a boat heading up there. ARCHIVIST: … Right. BASIRA: I bring all the guns from Daisy’s old stash, you bring the spook you used to mess up that delivery guy. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: Wh… at? That’s it? [PAUSE] Christ, I thought my plans were half-arsed. BASIRA: It’s all about when we go. ARCHIVIST: … I don’t follow. BASIRA: Summer solstice is the 21st of June. So we leave in a fortnight. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … Right. BASIRA: And should arrive about a week before. No danger of sunset or darkness for a long time. Stands to reason that they will be at their weakest.

(MAG141) ARCHIVIST: You were the one who suggested we go by boat. BASIRA: Didn’t think I… urgh… [SNIFF] … I hadn’t really done proper boats, before…

Confirmation that Basira barely has any plan for Ny-Ålesund and is mostly planning to improvise.

- Here’s hope that Martin talking with Daisy will help a bit to get him out of his shell… Hilariously, Elias had warned Martin about getting too secluded?!

(MAG138) MARTIN: I think he wants me to join The Lonely. ELIAS: Then it sounds like you have a decision to make. […] Don’t forget to keep in touch, Martin. There are so many people in here, but without one’s friends… [DOOR LOCKING] it does get rather lonely.

And Daisy came in and was the surprise!friend. At the very least, Martin got another demonstration that Peter is not trustworthy when it comes to the information he shares (or doesn’t share). Martin, despite his official wariness, has been relying on him a great deal, but maybe the news that Jon hoped out to stop another ritual, and that Peter didn’t even deem it worth it to notify Martin or to provide help, will allow distrust to sink in again…? (Oooh, I hope we will hear Martin confronting Peter about it, because Martin will probably be deliciously snappy and cutting…)

- … So Melanie had been “quiet” and now she’s away again (“Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off.”), and we haven’t heard from her since her first session with that therapist, and I’m Worried About Melanie. And on that subject, I liked how Daisy casually supports Melanie’s past intention to kill Elias:

(MAG142) MARTIN: I thought you believed him…! You were doing all of his dirty work. DAISY: Well, wasn’t willing to call his bluff. Not the same thing as “believing”. Just too big a risk. MARTIN: … Not for Melanie. DAISY: Well, maybe she was the only one with any sense. Even if he was telling the truth [EXHALE], if we all… died… There are worse things.

… because we definitely know that she didn’t have much sense given that it was confirmed that she had been infected by the bullet.

(But hey, Daisy, give yourself some credit:

(MAG092) ELIAS: Ah, of course. Er, sometimes I forget how new you all are to this. Basira is now tied to the Institute. All of you are. Like fingers on a hand. And I am the beating heart of it. Should I, or the Institute, be destroyed, you will all, unfortunately, follow suit. MELANIE: Wait, what? TIM: Yup, that sounds about right. ELIAS: And it would not be a pleasant death. DAISY: Bullshit! ELIAS: Then shoot me. Just squeeze the trigger, and watch the only person you care about die screaming. Your last connection to humanity. Do it. BASIRA: Daisy…

You did call it “bullshit”, back then!)

- It’s quite impressive how much Elias has managed to be omnipresent even in absentia in season 4, but especially in this episode. The scene seems to take place in his office; we got reminders of how he had trapped Daisy to work for him; he’s still an element threatening Daisy to tip over; and he’s in prison… but still a bit here, somehow.

(Urk, he had mentioned that Jon was “at a very delicate stage right now” in MAG127, hence him making sure that Jon couldn’t get in contact with him… but I wonder if, upon his return from the Pole, Jon will get visitation rights because… stuff happened.)

- And what Jon is thinking/doing/meaning is… a gigantic mystery right now. It was a weird episode in that regard, because the first half of the episode was presenting him as a Monster, as absolutely… a danger? A threat? A “It” violating people and feeding from them? Because even if he wasn’t aware of the apparently new Beholding effects, Jon was absolutely conscious and reminded of the dreams plaguing statement-givers:

(MAG130) GERTRUDE: Shame about the dreams; I would avoid them if I could.

(MAG132) DAISY: I realised you were in my dreams. Reliving t… this. The coffin. You were there. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. DAISY: Didn’t think it was real. Not really… Just my mind putting you there, because I h–hated you but… no. One night, you turn up in a new shirt. Didn’t fit you. Not your style. I didn’t think much of it, it was just a d–, a dream. Then you come back from the States and… guess what you’re wearing. ARCHIVIST: Oh… DAISY: Realised what was happening then. Realised you weren’t human. Needed to die, as soon as it was safe. Never mind Elias and his… insurance.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: It, uh… Hm. Is, uh… Weird question, but… I… [EXHALE] I haven’t seen you in my dreams? The last couple of weeks? […] So… no more dreams. DAISY: Not of you and your weird eyes. Just the coffin. ARCHIVIST: Is that better…? DAISY: ’T’s mine. ARCHIVIST: … right.

(MAG141) BASIRA: And now he’s going to see you in his dreams as he relives that for the rest of his life! ARCHIVIST: [INHALE SHARPLY] BASIRA: Because… because a tape recorder told you to do it?! ARCHIVIST: Yes, Basira, he is. And I am sorry about that. But we needed it. Anyway: you’re the one who wants to be like Gertrude. [SILENCE] You think she’d give a damn about a few bad dreams? BASIRA: … No. ARCHIVIST: No. She got the job done, and didn’t care about the costs. BASIRA: But I thought you did.

… and still Did What He Did, and has forced himself on people, and is enjoying it, and… messed up the woman (and potentially Floyd – his stories were about travelling by sea, can he still work as a sailor if he starts getting panic attacks?! – and potentially… others).

But then, the second half of the episode rolled in and insisted on his human sides and qualities and the fact that he was a victim, too. It made sense for Daisy (since she got in touch with the Jon who doubted and was “moping around”), it made sense for Martin (because, as much as he’s able to snap and take none of Jon’s shit, he’s also showed a propensity to making excuses for him, hence Tim’s bitterness in season 2), but it was still… a weird mix. Because you were shown someone suffering and in distress, and right afterwards told that her tormentor was in a bad place and deserved to be loved and for people to worry for his well-being and state of mind…? It’s indeed good to get confirmation that what Jon has experienced left its marks on him, since we had glimpses of it before:

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: And give Daisy a break. She was there eight months. [EXHALES] I was only in there for three days, and I–

(MAG136) DAISY: [QUICKLY] You’re not babysitting me, alright?! I know that’s what the others think, sometimes, but… that’s not it. I just… don’t like… being on my own if I can help it. You know. Flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST: I know, Daisy, I–I do. It’s hard.

… but it happened at a weird time, after the woman’s story. At least, with how Daisy went back to Jon’s words, pointing out that he was “self-destructive”:

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [DRY CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster. DAISY: That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST: [LOW SELF-DEPRECATIVE DRY LAUGHTER] … Yeah. I suppose it is. DAISY: Did you know the coffin wouldn’t kill you? ARCHIVIST: I– guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t… wouldn’t be as bad as it was. DAISY: [SHAKY SIGH] ARCHIVIST: And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually… endure the result. You might have noticed when I was in there with you, I… I had regrets. DAISY: Yeah. I remember. ARCHIVIST: Plus, I thought… [PAUSE] W– [SIGH] Well, I didn’t know what being down there had done to you. DAISY: You thought I was gonna kill you? ARCHIVIST: It was a possibility.

(MAG142) DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive.

… I think we might definitely be heading towards the idea that at some point, in a shape or form, Jon did (and likely does) intend to sacrifice himself to stop The Dark…?

(- Alright, though.

This bit is more a disclaimer for Behind The Scenes/Less Comfy Time than full-on review: I initially had a very hard time with this episode. By that, I mean it physically messed me up for a day or two, before I was able to pinpoint why, and managing to get what the issue was alleviated the feeling a bit: it’s because, beyond the harassment case (which was indeed treated as it deserved in the episode, as “enough” to feel messed-up and warrant a complaint), I felt/read/received the woman’s story and encounter as openly coded as se*ual assault, and I was unprepared to this – creepy man hovers around a woman who was having a romantic meeting, corners her when she is alone, forces her to do something she was unwilling to do, “thanks her” for what he extorted from her and is satisfied by the experience, and leaves her a crying wreck, traumatised and with her whole life messed up, down to the detail of the woman not putting the blame on him, partially presenting it as her responsibility (“I’ve been having a lot of problems, since he talked to me, well, since I talked to him. Ever since I told my… story. […] May–maybe, maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m… Maybe I just, I met him once, in a coffeeshop, and he was a creep, and it messed me up…! But that’s enough. Right? [SHAKY EXHALE] That is enough.”) since she didn’t have the codes to explain what had truly been done to her. On its own, I felt that this wasn’t escapist horror anymore but way closer to “real-life horror” than what TMA usually does; it was even strengthened by E. Lockley’s performance, which was absolutely amazing… and also very intense, shaking and rough; and there was the added fact that… the abuser, in this case, was someone (the protagonist) who had been presented as sympathetic until now. Separately, it would have been a lot already; together, it was unbearable for me upon listening, and even after… it also makes me a bit uneasy, story-wise; as in, “oh, after 140-ish episodes, is this series really for me, after all.”

Because the second half of the episode made it pretty clear that Jon will be held accountable for what happened, but also… that he is a victim himself. And he’s still (unless this is The Shift) our main character, that we were meant to sympathise with until at least MAG140, and who was still written as sympathetic in the second half of the episode. Meanwhile, this character… exposed how her life was wrecked, is condemned to suffer, was harmed by someone who knew to some extent what he was doing, and she probably won’t be seen ever again. She didn’t do anything; Jon did. And it’s Jon’s story, and I’m sure that there will be Lots Of Guilt if Jon is meant to stick around as our protagonist, but the fact remains: the person who was (one of) his victim(s) still had her life wrecked, knowingly, and is probably not “important” enough to receive focus and to achieve protagonist status, unlike… her abuser. And I feel like I read enough stories focusing on the person who chose to harm rather than the person who was hurt and will be perpetually hurt? And I’m not too fond either of serious stories going the “edgy” route of protagonists behaving as uncaring asshats for a long while…? I had always assumed that when Jon would Fall, it would be either gradually, or the point when he would lose his Protagonist/sympathetic status? But right now, it feels like it’s most likely heading towards Reforming and coincidental Manpain territory (which… TMA had been great at avoiding until now), and aesthetically, I’m not super ready to open myself to feel sympathy for a character who caused harm while aware of the effects, even if he feels like crap about it afterwards, and even if I was until now very engrossed in his story and loving him a lot as a character. It works fine in derivative works, I love the various explorations, but in a canon… it’s always something else, it makes me feel uneasy, I am always pursued by the reminder of “but why does this character’s ongoing story deserve to be told, and not their victim’s?”. With MAG141/142, I feel like suddenly, Jon got utterly destroyed as a protagonist? Who cares, honestly, if he’s self-destructive or has survivor guilt? How do you justify the fact that he should still be (even partially) a (sym)pathetic character, or someone to feel for, if he goes around dooming people in such ways, even if it’s a spooky temptation/an addiction problem…? I would need the canon to tell me why and I feel… that it’s going to be hard. Because even if Jon feels bad about it, even if he was planning to get fucked over and it was only a temporary thing, he’ll still not be the main victim, and there is (presumably) no fixing for what he did, no way to alleviate what he did to the people whose statements he extorted, and unlike them, he’ll still be… our character. We’ll hear his voice, not his victims’ (after this woman’s testimony), and I don’t think that’s compatible with his protagonist status anymore.

And I know that RQ is usually very sensitive when it comes to real-life issues; the woman was treated with the soft carefulness that she deserves, and I understand perfectly that the way Martin was written this episode was meant to avoid typical accusations in such cases: he absolutely believed her and didn’t even consider that she could have been lying; he took her seriously and didn’t argue with her over the necessity of filing a complaint; he was supportive and soft; he validated her after she told her story (“O–okay. Hum. [INHALE] Right, well… [EXHALE] Firstly, I’m re– I’m really sorry that this happened.”); he expressed outrage towards Jon’s actions for this (… at first). But I have a hard time “trusting” and can’t help but be wary of what will follow in the story, and I am ill-at-ease: because crediting the woman as “Bystander” was… a surprising choice (she was a victim, she was preyed upon, it was her story, she was not… a witness or someone on the side…), because she wasn’t named (so… deprived of her identity…), and because it is likely the last of what we’ll hear from her… even though we know, with the rules of this universe, that she won’t escape this situation. And we’ll keep following Jon, and be narratively meant to get heartbroken over him, if MAG142 is any indication. I’m open to surprises (we heard Melanie’s and Daisy’s voices in ways that I hadn’t been expecting, although it was necessary and welcome; Daisy did harm people and keeps reasserting that it was her responsibility, and I currently adore her (… though the fact that we never met an innocent she would have wrecked… helps); or it’s possible that it’s the point, that Jon is currently being buried as a protagonist and that we’re supposed to lose our attachment to him) but… as I said, I’m wary, and not at ease at the moment. So I’ll see with next episodes, but it’s possible that I might take a hiatus soon-ish to let a few episodes pass and to judge from afar if I’ll feel better listening to them in one go, with the overall direction getting clearer. My first reflex last Wednesday was “I can’t listen to this anymore” and it messed me up until I was able to pinpoint what had been the thing bleeding into me and making me feel so sick, and fiction isn’t… supposed to do that to you – suddenly, it made the world unsafe, and it wasn’t horror escapism anymore for the reasons mentioned above, and I really wasn’t expecting to get slammed this hard even when expecting Terrible (fictional) Things. So, I’ll… see; you do you, I do me, I’m fine now, I can branch out if I feel that It’s Not For Me After All. Despite these grand intentions, I’d probably end up swallowing any Jon Angst/Tragedy Juice anyway, manpain-flavoured or not, so, eh.)

(Here’s for narrative hope: Daisy saw the woman and reminded Martin that she was a “detective”, so… some pieces are laid for Daisy to track down and find her? The fact that this woman wasn’t given a name feels a bit suspicious – not because she would be a false identity or an illusion, but in the way that… she was denied one. And given her situation, given that she was a victim, it’s quite harsh and un-TMA-like? So we’re probably meant to see her again, with a proper name…?)

Title for MAG143 is out: no cookie point to guess which Fear is involved, but mMMMMmm, guessing we’re going into Things (and that we might get a clue about what Robert Montauk was doing when Julia was a kid…?).

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