#No girls are seriously interested in him at all

[quarterlifekitty]

Weaknesses

Note: this is just a silly headcanon! Please don’t take it too seriously!

Gaz: goth/spiritual bitches. I said it. The amount of secondhand knowledge he has about tarot reading is getting weird. And don’t get him started on dark makeup and piercings.

Soap: cozy bitches. I think he’s gotten so much pornrot in his brain that his interests have gone from sexy outfits and circled back to full, comfortable coverage. Man loves you in the big t shirt, hoodie, sweats, blankets. One of his like top 5 favorite kinds of sex is the early morning quickie, so he’s like pavlov’d himself into getting hard for sleep clothes.

Simon: Girls that leave trails. He likes when you leave a lot of evidence of your presence in his life. Text messages, notes, jewelry and clothes you forget in his car and in his flat. He likes that it’s like there’s a constant tether, like the line separating your lives keeps getting blurry with all the crossover.

Price: Girls that cook. Like you don’t have to even be remotely good at it, if you made it for him, he’s not leaving a speck behind. You could feed this man a plain, boiled chicken breast and he’d still be so so happy. Something something joke about British cuisine.

König: clingy girls. He’s got that anxiety, he won’t always initiate contact, so he melts around anyone who touches him willingly and without prompting (bar is in the ground for him ok). He will never ever complain about you clinging to his arm, playing with his hands, sitting in his lap. That goes for emotionally clingy bitches too. You know he has to physically hold back from quadruple texting you (failed on holding back the first 2 times) so if you’re messaging him a lot?? Marriage.

[thisismeracing]

Can you please do Mick dating Raikkönen!reader hsc, please?

sure <3 hope u like it, nonny!

Requests are now CLOSED.

MICK DATING A RAIKKÖNEN!READER | MS47

Warnings: mentions of food; tooth-rotting fluff; mentions of family members; not proofread.

▸ my masterlist | my taglist | patreon guide ▸ support my writing by reblogging, leaving a comment (don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece), or buying me a coffee

Raikkönen!reader just like her father is not in for silly jokes or small talk. She’s direct. If she doesn’t like you she’ll tell it to your face. The opposite is true as well - that’s how she told Mick she liked him after they hung out for a few months;

“I like you.” Short, simple, and direct. So direct that Mick wasn't sure if she meant she liked LIKED him or if she was being friendly, but since the latter was unlikely, he gathered up his courage and asked her on a date;

Though Michael and Mikki raced together, and Mick pretty much grew up inside the racing scene, the same was not reality for Yn. She did like racing, but when she was a kid Mikki and her mother chose to prioritize her privacy and her studies, that's how she wasn't friends with Mick. But once they met, it was a perfect match. Mick was shy at first, so that made him silent, and Yn just wasn't interested in talking. The silence was comfortable, though, and she saw herself walking near the bench he was sitting on and sharing a piece of her granola bar with him. Her dad had seen the friendship unfold, and he nicknamed them 'birds' because they would feed each other silently and then leave only to come up the next weekend with a sandwich, a granola bar, a candy, share in silence, and then leave again;

When Mick finally asked Yn on a date she told her dad and though he used to make fun he ended up feeling jealous - he even suggested that he could go too as if it was a friend meeting, not a date. Yn laughed at the situation, something she didn't do all the time, which made it even more special to those around her;

She sent Mikki a picture after the date. Their faces squished together on the screen of the phone. He could see Mick's arms around her shoulders, but her smile was so bright he couldn't help but feel happy for them;

He has dinner with the Schumachers the next month, minus Mick, of course. And they talk about the likelihood of their relationship becoming serious. They end up choosing to support them, Mikki being pretty sure that Yn wouldn't back down if he told her to, and the same with Mick;

Now, Mikki is a bit unsure of everything at first. He did see Mick grow up. He was friends with his family. But still, it was Yn! His little girl. That doubt went away a few months after they announced the seriousness of their relationship. Older Mick was a fun guy, nothing like the babbling kid nor the grumpy teenager he used to be. So the Schumacher and the older Raikkönen ended up realizing they had a lot in common;

After that, it's always "Where's Mick, Yn? Is Mick coming to the family vacation? Are the Schumis spending Christmas with us? Did you give him the book I handed you?" it's funny even;

Mick calls Yn by Raikki a short for her surname. Sometimes he calls her Rai or even Kiki, she hates the latter, though;

I feel like they would be super private. So much that it took almost a year or so for people to pierce the pieces together;

But being private didn't mean they weren't in love. That they were and the garage they attended quickly picked up from the way Mick would smile at her or how she would laugh around him;

Just black cat and golden retriever vibes, but Mick showed Yn her golden side too (the opposite too because Mick started to stand up for himself a tad more);

You know those couples where at least one has to be the person to tell the waiter they got the order wrong? Now imagine Yn is the one who does it while Mick is there like "I wouldn't mind eating raw meet :(" and Yn is like "I want another dish and I want dessert on the house," super serious while Mick is giving an apologetic look to the employee;

Yeah. hihi

[cheynovak]

Furry Hero

Characters: Dean Winchester x Y/N Female character     

Summary: A beautiful request from @deanwinchestersgirl8734

That was passed on by @jackles010378 ( Thank you for thinking of me ❤️ )

"Hey I was wondering if you ever thought of writing a dean or Jensen or Sam or Jared story about them meeting someone they like who has a service dog I follow someone online who has a seizure dog and I've never seen anyone write about that"

I hope you like it, it was new for me to write a story like this. So I might made a mistake or two about service dogs but I wanted to shine a light on these everyday heroes as well.

Warnings: None

English is not my first language 

*Please do not copy my work, reblog/comments/likes are appreciated* 

The musty smell of old books and the faint hum of fluorescent lights created an almost reverent silence in the small-town library. Sam Winchester pushed open the heavy door with a grin, his brother Daan trailing close behind, looking less than enthusiastic.

"Why do you always pick libraries?" Dean grumbled as they walked in. "What’s wrong with a good ol’ diner? Coffee, pie, real conversations?"

"Because libraries have records," Sam shot back, his long stride quickly overtaking Dean. "And the last thing this case needs is for you to flirt your way into trouble again."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm just saying, a little charm goes a long—" He stopped mid-sentence, his attention snapping to a figure seated at a nearby table.

A woman sat with a dog at her feet, flipping through a thick tome with practiced ease. Dean barely registered the woman's features because the dog—a fluffy, caramel-colored Golden Retriever—caught his attention first. Without thinking, Dean dropped into a crouch, extending his hand.

"Who's a good boy?" Dean cooed, the smile on his face rivaling the brightness of the overhead lights.

The dog's ears perked, its intelligent eyes locking onto Dean's hand before the woman—Y/N—cleared her throat. "Um, excuse me." Her tone was polite but firm, tinged with amusement. "He's a service dog. Please don’t pet him while he’s working."

Sam stifled a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dean, seriously?"

Dean froze, his hand midway to the dog's head, looking sheepish. "Right. Sorry. Service dog. Got it." He straightened up, brushing off invisible dirt from his jeans. "Guess I got a little excited. It's just… he's so fluffy."

Y/N chuckled softly, her eyes flicking between the brothers. "It happens more than you'd think. Most people can’t resist Buddy here."

Sam stepped in, his expression a mix of apology and curiosity. "Sorry about my brother. He's got no impulse control. I'm Sam, and this is Dean."

"Y/N," she replied with a small smile. "So, what brings you guys to this dusty corner of the world?"

Dean and Sam exchanged a quick glance, the unspoken language of years of hunting passing between them. Dean took the lead, his charm dialed back to a respectable level. "We’re looking into some… stuff going on in town. About the missing people, you wouldn’t happen to know anything, would you?"

Y/N frowned, her hand pausing on the page she’d been reading. "I haven’t seen anything myself, but…" She glanced down at Buddy, her expression thoughtful. "A couple of nights ago, Buddy started acting weird while we were walking past that old blue house on Sycamore Street. You know, the one where the girl went missing last week?"

Sam nodded, pulling a small notebook from his jacket. "What do you mean by weird? "

"Growling," Y/N confirmed. "And he wouldn’t go near the property. Buddy’s trained to stay calm, so it really freaked me out. I crossed the street, and even then, he kept his eyes locked on that house until we were out of sight."

Dean leaned against the table, his interest piqued. "Did you notice anything else? Lights on? Strange smells? Anything at all?"

Y/N shook her head. "No, but the air felt… off. Like, ice cold." She hesitated. Dean looked at Sam who just nodded but turned back to Y/N.

"If you’re okay with would you mind letting us know if Buddy picks up on anything else? Dogs are a lot more sensitive to things than people are."

Y/N glanced down at Buddy, who let out a soft huff as if in agreement. "Sure. I was planning to walk by there later today anyway. I can let you know if anything seems off."

"Perfect," Dean said, his grin returning. "In the meantime, you got any more tips for not offending a service dog?"

Y/N laughed, a genuine sound that made Dean's grin widen. "Just don’t call him fluffy again."

Sam started to walk back, Dean gave her his 'FBI' card. "Maybe you eh, could learn me a thing or two in a private talk?" Y/N smiled why don't you walk with us tonight?"

Later That day

The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky, painting the quiet park in shades of amber and gold. Y/N stood near the entrance, Buddy’s leash wrapped loosely around her hand as she scanned the area. Her heart fluttered slightly when she spotted Dean strolling toward her, his leather jacket slung casually over his shoulder and his trademark grin firmly in place.

"Hey," Dean greeted, his voice warm as he stopped a few feet away. His gaze dropped to Buddy, who stood alert at Y/N’s side. "Still working, huh? Guess I’ll keep my hands to myself this time."

Y/N laughed, shaking her head. "Probably for the best. But he’s off-duty once we start walking in the park. That’s his rule, not mine."

Dean crouched, giving Buddy a respectful nod. "You hear that, pal? I’m in your territory now."

Buddy wagged his tail slightly, his usual stern demeanor relaxing just a bit, and Y/N chuckled again. "I think he’s starting to like you. That’s impressive—he doesn’t warm up to most people."

Dean straightened, his grin turning just a touch smug. "Well, I do have a way with animals... And women."

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully but couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face. "So, what’s the plan? You asked me out to make up for the dog thing, and here we are. A romantic walk in the park?"

Dean tilted his head, pretending to think. "That’s part of it. The other part’s getting to know you better." Touched by the sincerity in his voice, Y/N nodded, feeling her nerves ease.

The two of them fell into an easy rhythm as they walked along the park’s winding paths, Buddy trotting happily ahead. They talked about everything and nothing: Y/N’s job, Buddy’s quirks, Dean’s favorite pie recipes, and even a few funny stories.

Dean never opened up so easily, but Y/N felt safe. He even felt guilty not telling her his real job.

Eventually, they reached a secluded clearing by a small lake. Buddy, now fully off-duty, sniffed around the grass nearby, keeping a watchful eye on Y/N as always.

Dean stuffed his hands into his pockets, his expression softening as he looked at her. "You know, I gotta admit... I wasn’t just making up for petting your dog when I asked you out."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at her lips. "Oh? What was it, then?"

Dean hesitated for half a second, his usual bravado faltering. "I don’t know. There’s something about you. You’re tough, smart, funny..."

Y/N laughed, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Well, you’re not so bad yourself. Even if you don’t always follow the no-petting rule."

Without knowing Y/N and Dean walked up to the old blue house on the corner. The house loomed in the dark, its broken shutters creaking in the cold wind.

"Buddy’s already on edge," Y/N whispered, gripping the dog’s harness. The Retriever growled low in his throat, his fur standing on end.

"Looks like we’re in the right place," he murmured, his hand instinctively hovering over the pistol tucked in the back of his jeans. He gently pulled Y/N behind him, his expression serious. "Let me call Sam. Might as well take a look."

Y/N tilted her head, her brows furrowing. "Take a look? At this time? What are you looking for exactly?"

Dean didn’t answer right away, pulling out his phone and texting Sam with quick precision. A low growl from Buddy at her side sent a shiver down Y/N’s spine, his ears flat against his head as he stared intently at the house.

Minutes later, headlights illuminated the driveway as the Impala’s familiar sleek silhouette rolled up. Sam hopped out, his tall frame cutting an imposing figure against the twilight.

"Dean, you sure about this?" Sam asked, walking around to the trunk of the Impala.

Dean opened it with a practiced motion, and Y/N’s jaw dropped. Inside was an arsenal of weapons: guns, knives, vials of strange liquids, and boxes of ammo. Dean grabbed his shotgun, quickly loading it with salt rounds. "Oh yeah, Sammy. This place is humming."

"What the hell is this?" Y/N blurted, gesturing to the weapons.

Dean glanced at her, his face unreadable. "Insurance."

"Insurance?" she echoed, her voice tinged with disbelief.

Sam stepped closer, his voice calm but firm. "Y/N, this is what we do. What you saw or better what Buddy felt was a ghost, somehow every year children disappear, this is how we deal with things like that. But it’s dangerous. You need to stay back."

Dean nodded in agreement, his green eyes serious as he looked at her. "Let us handle this. Buddy too. Keep him close."

The brothers headed toward the house, their weapons drawn. But as they approached the door, Buddy let out a sharp bark and yanked his leash free from Y/N’s hand.

"Buddy!" Y/N shouted, sprinting after him as the dog bounded up the steps and slipped through the open door.

"Dammit!" Dean cursed, rushing after her. "Y/N, no!"

She didn’t hesitate, running after Buddy into the house. The second she crossed the threshold, the heavy wooden door slammed shut behind her with an echoing bang.

"Dean!" Sam shouted, trying to open the locked door.

Dean spun around, his grip tightening on his shotgun. "Y/N, you were supposed to stay outside!"

Y/N ignored him, her eyes scanning the dark, decaying interior. "I wasn’t about to leave Buddy in here! Where is he?"

A deep growl echoed through the house, sending a chill down everyone’s spines. The air grew colder, and the faint smell of rotting wood and sulfur filled Y/N’s nostrils. Buddy barked from somewhere deeper in the house, his sharp warning cutting through the oppressive silence.

"Stay close," Dean ordered, positioning himself between Y/N and the direction of the sound. "Sam, get her ass out of here!"

"I’m trying!" Sam called back, his voice muffled. "The door’s not budging."

Dean fired the first shot, the salt round scattering the shadow momentarily. "Well, this isn’t gonna be easy," he muttered. "You think?" Sam retorted.

Dean muttered a curse under his breath. He handed Y/N a flashlight from his jacket pocket. "Hold this. If you see anything—anything weird—don’t scream. Just tell me where it is."

Y/N nodded, clutching the flashlight with trembling hands as they moved further into the house. Dean led the way, his shotgun raised, while Buddy’s distant barks drew them closer to the heart of the building.

"Dean," Y/N whispered, her voice trembling. "What is that smell?"

Dean’s jaw clenched. "Something bad. Stay close."

As they rounded a corner, they found Buddy standing in front of a doorway, his teeth bared and his growls low and menacing. Dean raised his shotgun as a shadowy figure flickered into view inside the room.

Dean kicked the door open seeing the bodies piled up. Y/N gasped. "Oh my!"

"Bingo Dean whispered under his breath, he started to salt and burn the corpses."Sam! Get her out of here," Dean said sharply, his voice low. "Now."

Y/N grabbed Buddy’s collar, her fear mounting. "What about you?"

"I’ll handle it," Dean said, his gaze locked on the figure as he loaded another shell. "Just go!"

Sam did everything to get Y/N out of the house while Dean started to burn the old remains he found in

Hours later: very very early morning

The warm glow of the diner’s neon sign spilled across the parking lot as Y/N slid into the booth opposite Dean and Sam. Buddy lay obediently at her feet, his golden coat reflecting the light from the hanging lamp above them.

The Winchester brothers had earned more than a few curious looks from the other patrons with their slightly singed jackets and dark circles under their eyes, but they didn't seem to notice—or care.

"Best fries in town," Dean said, sliding a menu across the table to Y/N. "Although, if you’re like me, you’re here for the pie."

Y/N chuckled, scanning the menu. "You were right; I am starving after all that. So… is this what you guys do? Travel around, fight ghosts, and eat questionable diner food?"

"Pretty much," Sam replied with a small smile, leaning back in the booth. "Although Dean’s dietary choices aren’t exactly… standard."

Dean mock-gasped. "Excuse me, my food choices are a finely tuned science. Protein and sugar keep me going during hunts." He paused, his grin softening. "But yeah, hunting—it’s what we do. Saved your life tonight, didn’t it?"

Y/N glanced down at Buddy, her hand instinctively reaching to scratch behind his ears. "It did. And Buddy here… He’s smarter than I gave him credit for." She looked up at them, her expression warm. "Honestly, I can’t thank you guys enough. If it weren’t for you, I don’t even want to think about what might’ve happened."

Dean waved a hand, brushing off the gratitude. "Hey, it’s all in a day’s work. Besides, Buddy deserves most of the credit. Guy’s got instincts."

"He really does," Y/N agreed, her voice tinged with awe. "I thought he was just being stubborn that night, refusing to cross the street, but now I’m realizing… he probably saved me." Her smile faltered slightly as she looked between the two brothers. "I can’t imagine how you do this all the time. Doesn’t it get… exhausting? Scary?"

Sam and Dean exchanged a look, a silent understanding passing between them. Sam was the one who answered. "It’s not easy. But someone has to do it. Most people wouldn’t even believe half the things we’ve seen. So, yeah, it’s scary sometimes, but… it’s worth it."

Dean leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "And hey, it’s not all bad. We’ve got stories for days. Like that time a possessed mannequin tried to stab me. Or when Sam got body-snatched by a teenage girl." He grinned mischievously as Sam groaned in protest.

Y/N laughed, the sound light and genuine, cutting through the heaviness of the earlier hunt. "You guys really are something else."

As the evening wore on, the conversation shifted from ghost stories to lighter topics. Y/N told them about Buddy’s training and how she’d adopted him after he flunked out of guide dog school for being "too easily distracted." Dean snorted at that, muttering, "Sounds like we’ve got something in common, pal," earning a bark of approval from Buddy.

When the check finally arrived, Y/N reached for it, but Dean slid it away with a wink. "Hunter’s treat."

"Thanks," Y/N said softly, her eyes lingering on the brothers. "This has been… really nice. Weird, but nice."

As they stepped outside into the cool night air, Y/N dug a small notepad from her bag, scribbling her number and handing it to Dean. "If you guys are ever back in town, give me a call. It was really nice meeting you both."

"Likewise," Sam said, his smile sincere.

Dean, however, seemed unusually quiet. He watched as Y/N clipped Buddy’s leash back on and headed toward her car. His gaze lingered as she opened the door, Buddy hopping inside.

Sam smirked, his arms crossed. "So… I’m starting to guess it wasn’t the dog that had your attention this time."

Dean snapped out of his daze, turning to his brother with an indignant look. "Huh? What’re you talking about?"

Sam raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying himself. "Oh, come on. You were practically drooling."

Dean scoffed, but the faintest hint of a blush crept up his neck. "I was not. I was just… impressed, that’s all. She’s smart. And brave. And… whatever, shut up."

"Uh-huh," Sam said, his grin widening. "Impressed. Sure."

Dean jumped up, rushing out the door "Y/N! Wait up!". She stopped reversing her car. "What's wrong?" Dean leaned on her now open window. Dean seemingly nervous. "I figured maybe we could start over. No ghosts. No hunts. Just… us."

"I’d like that," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Dean’s smile widened, but it faded slightly as he glanced down at her lips, his expression turning serious. "Can I kiss you? Or is that off-limits too?"

Y/N laughed softly, shaking her head. "You’re in the clear this time."

Dean didn’t need any more encouragement. He leaned in, his hand brushing lightly against her cheek as their lips met. The kiss was warm and gentle, filled with a tenderness Y/N hadn’t expected but welcomed all the same.

"Call me?" he asked like a shy little schoolboy. Y/N Smirked only if you promise our date walks won't end in horror movies anymore?"

“Deal!” and with that he leaned back for another breathtaking kiss. Much to Buddy's disapproval

WOOF

--

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[kathlare]

please please please

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: Amelie’s new music video shoot is full of energy, but it’s the undeniable chemistry between her and Lando that steals the show. As they navigate playful tension and flirtatious moments on set, their connection becomes more than just professional.

Wordcount: 0.9 k

Warnings: smau, fluff

June 8th, 2024 - Los Angeles CA

liked by landonorris, zendaya, and others

ameliedayman: heartbreak is one thing, my egos another!

link in bio💋

View all 10,485 comments

landonorris: The video was hot, but I was the hottest part. 😏🔥 → ameliedayman: @landonorris You wish, babe. I was the one burning up the screen. 😘

f1gossiper69: Lando really out here living every man’s dream 😩

fashionfreak24: Omg the chemistry between you two… more than I can handle. 😍🔥

lilnorrisfan22: Can we talk about how Lando’s acting skills went from 0 to 100 real quick? 😂 → landonorris: @lilnorrisfan22 Had to step up for my girl. 😜

maxfewtrell: Song’s fire but y’all need to tone it down with all the PDA. 🤢

landonorris: PLEASE can you stop looking so good in this video, babe? 😵‍�� → ameliedayman: @landonorris I told you, you can’t handle all of me. 😉

hayesgrier: Acting or not, Lando’s got some serious simp energy in this vid. Respect. 😂 → landonorris: @hayesgrier When it’s her, it’s not simping, it’s dedication. 😉

f1fanatic69: That was way too much, I almost passed out watching it. 😳

keeganpalmer: Damn, the way you two look at each other... I felt that. 😳🔥 → ameliedayman: @keeganpalmer Told ya, we’ve got that special spark. 😉

thisisrozzi: Y’all seriously made the whole music video a masterpiece. Proud of you, babe. 💖 → ameliedayman: @thisisrozzi Couldn’t have done it without your support, love. 😘

minniemills: Okay but how do you make heartbreak look so… chic?? Obsessed. 😍

aaliyahmendes: Queen behavior!!!

stelladayman: I don’t care what anyone says—Oscar-worthy performance, sis. 👏 → ameliedayman: @stelladayman Coming from you? High praise. I’m crying. 🥲

consarroyuelo: ¿Cómo le haces para estar TAN diosa siempre? Quiero tu secreto. 🔥👑 → ameliedayman: @consarroyuelo Solo me dejo llevar por el drama, amiga. 😉

francisca.cgomez: Obsessed with the video, the song, the vibe… EVERYTHING. 🔥 → ameliedayman: @franciscacgomez You’re my vibe. Love you. 💋

fan3: This is giving main character energy and side-eye to all the exes. Iconic. → fan4: @fan3 Bet they’re crying in their bedrooms rn. 😂

emiliamernes: Esta canción es ARTE. Ya quiero escucharla en vivo🔥 → ameliedayman: @emiliamernes Siempre un show para ti, reina. 💋

madisonbeer: Obsessed. That’s all. Obsessed. 🔥 → ameliedayman: @madisonbeer Takes one to know one. 😘

--------------

Months before...

The set was buzzing with energy. Crew members darted back and forth, adjusting lights and setting up props, while Amelie adjusted the fit of her outfit in front of the mirror. The air smelled faintly of hairspray and perfume, the low hum of chatter mixing with the faint sound of music playing from a speaker nearby. Today was the day: the shoot for her new music video for Please Please Please, and things were about to get real interesting.

She stood in front of the mirror, her hands running over the satin fabric of the dress, a subtle mix of elegance and seduction. The song wasn’t out yet, but the buzz around it was already building. The video was going to be something special—something fun, a little cheeky, just like the song itself.

—Amelie, we’re ready for you,— the director called out, waving her over to the set.

Amelie’s heart fluttered. She had been looking forward to this all week. And she couldn’t help but feel a little extra excited because today—of all days—her boyfriend, Lando, was here with her.

—Ready, babe?— Lando’s voice came from behind her.

She turned to face him, her lips curving into a grin. He was dressed in black jeans and a slightly oversized, well-worn graphic tee that only added to the effortless charm he exuded.

—I was born ready,— she said with a wink, slipping her arm through his.

Lando smirked. —I’m sure you were. But this time, you’re not getting all the attention.—

—Oh, please,— she teased. —You’re lucky I even agreed to let you be in my video.—

He leaned in close, his lips brushing against her ear. —You’re not the only one who can pull off a look like this,— he whispered.

Amelie gave him a playful shove, her smile never leaving her face. —You’re such a dork.—

But even as she said it, she couldn’t help but admire how good he looked—how good they both looked together. She had to admit, this whole idea of putting him in her video had been a bit of a wild thought at first. But now, with him by her side on set, she was excited for it.

—Alright, Amelie, Lando, you two ready?— The director’s voice cut through the playful banter.

Both of them turned to face him, ready for action.

The video concept was simple but effective. Amelie would be in the spotlight, of course, singing her heart out to the camera, but the dynamic with Lando was what would make it really special. The video was all about chemistry—about flirtation and tension—and who better to share that with than Lando himself?

The first few scenes were just her. She sang the opening lines of Please Please Please, the camera following her as she moved through a minimalistic, yet luxurious set. The lighting was soft and seductive, casting shadows in all the right places, making her look like she belonged in a dream.

Lando watched from the sidelines, his arms crossed and a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. Amelie could feel his eyes on her, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t make her pulse quicken.

When the time came for him to join her on camera, the atmosphere shifted. Lando stepped onto the set, looking effortlessly sexy as he leaned against the bar that had been set up for the scene. The chemistry between them was undeniable from the moment their eyes locked. The director had told them to play it cool, to keep it casual—but it was impossible. Their connection was too strong to pretend.

As Amelie sang, she moved closer to him, her body swaying to the beat. Lando’s eyes tracked her every movement, his lips curling up in that way he always did when he was amused—or aroused.

Amelie couldn’t help but tease him, letting her fingers brush against his chest as she danced around him. The playful touch sent a jolt through both of them. She knew exactly how to get under his skin, and he was loving every minute of it.

—You’re distracting me,— he said, his voice low, the hint of a growl in it.

She grinned, biting her bottom lip. —You like it.—

—Damn right I do,— he muttered, his hands sliding from the bar to her waist as he pulled her closer.

The cameras were rolling, capturing every moment, but Amelie could barely focus on that. Her breath hitched as she looked up at him, his eyes dark with that familiar hunger. He was making her feel things she probably shouldn’t have been feeling while on set, but it didn’t matter.

—Lando,— she whispered, her voice a breathy tease. —Stop looking at me like that. We’re supposed to be working.—

He smirked, lowering his face until their lips were almost touching. —Who says we can’t mix business with pleasure?—

She was just about to respond when the director’s voice came through the intercom. —Okay, you two... let’s keep it professional, yeah? We don’t want to break the camera.—

Amelie let out a laugh, pulling back slightly to catch her breath. She couldn’t deny how intense the moment had gotten, and from the way Lando was looking at her, he was feeling it too.

—I think they want to see us be professional, love,— she teased, her fingers brushing through his hair.

Lando groaned, clearly frustrated. —I swear, you drive me insane.—

Amelie shot him a knowing smile. —Maybe you like that.—

The director called out again, snapping them both back into the moment. —Alright, let’s pick it up from where Lando pulls Amelie closer for the kiss. Remember, it’s playful, flirty, but no full-on makeout. We want tension, not a porno.—

Amelie and Lando exchanged amused looks before Amelie grabbed his shirt and yanked him closer. —Let’s give them a show, then,— she whispered before capturing his lips in a teasing, yet heated kiss.

It was a brief moment, just enough to get the shot they needed. The cameras zoomed in, capturing every little detail—the slight smirk on Lando’s face, the way Amelie’s body molded against his. The tension between them was palpable, and they both knew it.

As they pulled away, Amelie couldn’t help but laugh. —So much for ‘keeping it professional.’—

Lando chuckled, his hand lingering on her waist. —Who says we can’t have a little fun while we’re at it?—

They didn’t need to say anything else. They both knew that when the cameras stopped rolling, they’d have plenty more to discuss. But for now, they were in their element—flirty, fun, and undeniably hot together.

And just like that, the day was over. The last take was wrapped, the crew began to pack up, and the set slowly emptied out. But as Amelie and Lando stood there, the energy between them hadn’t died down.

—You really do make everything fun, don’t you?— Amelie said, looking up at him with a smile.

—I try,— he replied, his hands finding her waist again as he pulled her in close. —You make it too easy.—

And with that, they walked off set together, ready to face whatever the night might bring.

[mysticcoffeecat]

I love this headcanon! Fantastic post, OP.

It’s interesting though because I’ve always seen Shelley as being the least favorite, but only because I see Randy as trying to live vicariously through Stan. That said, I think the reasoning I have for this could very much also be interpreted in the sense that Stan is his least favorite, depending on how you view it. (I think he genuinely loves both his children, but is too much of a narcissist to express a healthy type of love for either of them).

We see lots of instances of Randy living vicariously through Stan, such as:

Pinewood Derby- he takes Stan’s pinewood derby car as his own chance at redemption

Stanley’s Cup- the way Randy takes Stan’s coaching so seriously- he somehow makes his portion all about himself

Something You Can Do With Your Finger- Randy becomes furious when he learns Stan being in a boy band, but it’s all just him projecting his own failed band issues

Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub- he somehow turns Stan’s innocent friendship with Kyle into his own projections of sexuality

The Losing Edge- very similar to the hockey episode. It seems like any sport Stan plays, Randy is eager to make it about himself in some kinda way

Anytime Randy shows love for either Stan or Shelley, it’s almost always overshadowed by somehow making it about himself. Like when he saves Shelley from the musical bj, he has to become the ‘hero’ of this story even if that means killing an innocent child, or when he has to be the ‘hero’ of saving his son from drowning in PiPi’s Waterpark. Whenever Stan goes to him with genuine questions like about sexuality (Tweek x Craig, The Cissy), Randy somehow always makes those conversations about himself too.

He seems to equally get verbally frustrated with his kids- often calling Stan things like a ‘freak’ (Assburgers) or ‘piece of shit’ (Credigree Weed St. Patrick’s Day Special), or calling his daughter things like ‘slut’ like in the most recent special.

I wish we saw more of Shelley to see even more of their interactions. Because she’s a girl, I don’t think he uses her in the same way he does Stan in trying to relive his glory days. I’m honestly not sure whether this means he prefers her or not, but you bring up good points that that may be the case.

Luckily I don’t think Stan got the worst of his dad by any means (while he can be selfish, he’s nowhere near Randy’s narcissistic level). As you mentioned, Stan often has to take on the role of ‘parenting his own parent’ with Randy- he almost always has to take on the responsible role in his relationship with his father.

Stan absolutely got Randy’s impulsiveness, though in a quieter way, and to an extent some of his selfishness as well as his genes for being addiction-prone (like you say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree). And he got his mom’s sense of logic (and his mother’s facial expressions, such as pinching the bridge of his nose lmao).

He’s a good blend of both his parents along with his own unique personality traits.

despite everything, i do think that randy loves his kids deeply, BUT i totally see shelley being his favorite. maybe it's because she never accepts his nonsense, but it's more in an "angry teenager" way, so they manage to create some kind of father-daughter bond. maybe the fact that she's the firstborn helps too. it's cute how, in a way, randy always has this desire to be her hero.

while with stan, they have a more messed up relationship and stan always ends up being the "more rational" one. it's like the roles were reversed, and stan is the one who has to be the dad, even though he's just a kid – the worst thing is that a lot of what stan likes is something that randy likes too (music, football, etc.), but not even that can help that much, because randy is always being randy.

on the other hand, stan is totally momma's boy. idk if i would use the word "favorite" here, but i feel like he is the one who is closer to sharon, and he does looks like her as well, personality-wise. and things are just normal with her, stan doesn't need to worry about parenting his own parent. he's just his mom's baby.

and that shaped stan's personality; he got the worst from his father, and the best from his mother. he's the perfect mix of both, even his design shows it (the same clothes colors as sharon, but he's physically a copy of randy). the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree lol

[spite-and-waffles]

FUCK YES STEPHANIE IS THE JASON THAT NEVER WAS PANDA YOU ARE THE HERO THIS FANDOM NEEDS BUT DOES NOT DESERVE PREACH THE GOSPEL OF STEPHANIE AMEN

[daily-hanamura]

[sapphoscorner]

Not to be pissy on Pride month, but Jesus Christ this fandom is so misogynistic because tell me why everytime I check the olnf tag there's at least 10 mcs for qiu and 1 or 2 for tamarack and 9/10 the mc for tamarack is a boy?

Tell me why Tamarack is constantly ignored and qiu is praised

Tell me why BAXTER gets more attention in the fandom than the fucking main character

Tell me why when you ask someone why they don't like tamarack their response is always "oh she's loud and my mc might be scared off by her" (which is valid but then, your mc is friends with qiu?? When Qiu is more insisting on being friends than tamarack is)

Tell me why I always see people talk about Qiu angst and nobody brings up Tamarack's??

Tell me why I keep seeing this shit and explain to me how this favoritism isn't because of misogyny, please explain to me how is not misogyny I'd love to know how this isn't blanant misogyny

[parrhesiac]

Also, repeatedly it is Rodney who accuses Sheppard of being Kirk, i.e. in his view an action hero commander who gets the girls and saves the day.

It doesn't therefore matter that this is not how John is, in actuality, or how he sees himself, or how the situations actually are. It doesn't even matter that this is not how Kirk was in TOS! It matters only that Rodney is the kind of socially-isolated and inept Trek fan who thinks that's what's going on. Rodney thinks of Kirk more the way J. J. Abrams does, not the way the rest of canon does.

But then, from my perspective, and having listened to the SG-1 commentary tracks, I would guess that the writers on Atlantis—being mostly seasoned Stargate writers—weren't trying to create a simplistic womanizer as their main hero character. Such a character would always have been a Stargate minor villain. They made their mistakes in early SG-1, but even there, it was to introduce characters against sexism.

However, I think they were trying to create a better James T. Kirk. And I think they succeeded far better than the AOS Trek movies did. Frankly, I'd like to see an older John Sheppard in the mold of TOS movie Kirk.

Seriously, look at John Sheppard and Cameron Mitchell, together. Both of them, as parallel reinventions of the Stargate lead character, are fundamentally aw-shucks boy-scout non-maverick characters. Career military in a fictional sense, dependable guys who like their jobs and get along with people and work well in teams. And Cam gets the "stack of books with legs" trait with both hands, Sheppard less so, but in both cases it's interesting because that's the antithesis of Jack, who never met an explanation he didn't wave off, and needed Sam and Daniel for that. But that is the core of James T. Kirk! Put that man in a team dynamic with complements and supplements to his weaknesses, all with foibles of their own, and then put that team in situations!

John Sheppard does get the run-and-gun situations more often, out of the gate, the impulsive gut-level solutions ... but all of his are eusocial, from the very beginning, against characters on his own side that aren't. And it takes a certain kind of callow masculinity to look at that and say it's designed to be sexist and womanizing, and that's what we have Rodney to lampshade for us. The writers give him the "save the day and get the girl" plots equally to lampshade them, because it's never actually that. And the sheer number of lampshades hung by these writers as literate sci-fi fans is just fun! They know their tropes, and they subvert them freely.

Another thing about Stargate being an early 2000s show is the writers obviously wanted John to be a womanizer and by all means he should have been but whether they just did it badly or it was the way Joe Flanigan played him he so isn't and it makes him so awkward and endearing I love it

[pickled-flowers]

Saw some of the grossest parenting today in the bus

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

ok so was I just not paying attention (or not actually around anyone who talked about it when it was airing) or did everyone forget to tell me Gravity Falls is actually good

[my-current-obsession]

My hyper-specific type when it comes to otome guys:

- Absolutely pathetic - Cannot speak to a girl normally to save his life - Tries to be calm/aloof, but turns tsundere when flustered enough - A good and pure man at heart, yet does some questionable things - ...Little Red Riding Hood???

[joltai-showa]

The entire post is getting kinda long, so I am gonna start using breakline

Whenever I come across anything Ikemoto produced, I get a very strong feeling that this guy desperately wants to do a spin-off series for JJBA, not Naruto: weird poses, bizarre clothing choices, etc etc. Only this man manages to forget that he is still doing a sequel to Naruto, so all of his artisric choices end up clashing with an already established setting and style + let's be honest this man has none of Araki's creativity and skill, so we end up with pure dogshit that belongs neither to Naruto nor to JJBA.

Sarada kind of encapsulates everything wrong with Ikemoto's design choices. I've actually come across a video discussing Boruto's clothing and there was a heated debate regarding whether clothing in Naruto was period accurate (Boruto fans were declaring that there is nothing weird about modern day clothing in Boruto, after all, Naruto wasn't keeping up with it in the first place). But the actual problem is the fact that Boruto's designs have none of the defining feature of Naruto's clothing - its utilitarianism. People in Naruto wear comfortable shit, they wear things in which they can fight, ranged fighters and assassins can show more skin, while close quarter fighters wear vests and other protective measures. Meanwhile Boruto characters have so much useless shit on their persons one might think they are on their way to a nightclub where a fashion party is taking place. Seriously, it's fucking ridiculous, me and my friends compared Kishimoto's and Ikemoto's designs for, I believe, Sakura and Sarada, and I shit you not Ikemoto's have like twice the items of clothing compared to Kishi's.

And I also believe that bizarrely revealing attires for young girls might also be something Ikemoto picks up from JJBA, however in Araki's case a 15 year old looks like a 25 year old + the characters act and look older than they are due to a pretty rigorous timeline that JJBA has and tries to stay true. Ikemoto, on the other hand, has this weird Bratz (is that the name of those dolls? no idea) like style that makes all of his characters look like 8 year olds which only exacerbates the issue.

I'm not gonna comment on any of Boruto's... "twists". Seriously, I like to keep myself away from that thing, I have no idea how Boruto fans manage to unironically say "BROOOO NOOOO IT'S GETTING SO GOOD, JUST GET THROUGH LIKE 80 CHAPTERS, THE FINAL TWIST IN PART ONE IS HYPE🥶🥶🥶🥶" and you look up and it's the single worst piece of shit you've ever had the misfortune to read.

Thanks for your compliments. Deidara has a lot of tiny things scattered around the canon material + for a secondary antagonist he got pretty lucky with the time the plot dedicates to him (which is, well, unsurprising, considering he's been the most popular Akatsuki member that doesn't have "Uchiha" in his name since his appearance at the beginning of Shippuden, so Kishi and Jump have to take that sweet sweet merch money), so a lot of pretty interesting thing about his past can be unearthed. And I don't think that's really strange that Hidan and Deidara, being children of the Third Shinobi World War, have similarities in their past. For all of its flashiness, Naruto does try (at least at certain points) to be an anti-war story, and unsurprisingly that many characters born during these large scale conflicts would share certain experiences regarding the horrors and losses they have suffered when they were young and most vulnarable.

I've seen a comment from @hidansbabygirl regarding timeline stuff, so decided to share some things that I have regarding Hidan and what is known of him on the timeline of the events in Naruto

However, the start of Hidan's life corresponds with some pretty major things going on in the shinobi world, so we actually need to start elsewhere to establish some important facts regarding that, so, with that said, let's take a look at...

Kannabi bridge mission.

Surprising, I know. But Kannabi is very important for establishing when did the Third Shinobi World War ended and, presumably, started. It'll be obvious why this is important a bit later, so let's get into it.

It's actually pretty easy to ascertain the end of the TSWW thanks to the greatest guy to ever greatest guy in history - Obito. Obito is 30 during the events of Shippuden (I believe that the wiki and, likely, the databooks say that he's 31, however having kids in Kakashi's generation have different ages is way too annoying to keep track of + Obito by himself has a lot of events that involve literal fucking timetraveling, so for the sake of my sanity, everyone in Kakashi's generation is 30 during Shippuden). Obito is 13 during the events of Kannabi bridge (as stated in his profile in second databook, I believe?), so we know that between his untimely demise and miraculous ressurection 17 years have passed.

and here's the finale of Kakashi Gaiden. the wording of this page pretty heavily implies that following the destruction of Kannabi bridge, the TSWW ended (considering how many events unrelated to it are going to follow in literally the next year alone, it better fucking did, otherwise Kishimoto is incredibly bad with numbers). So, we know for certain that the end of that particular war was 17 years before the events of Shippuden.

Now let's remember another major date that pops up here and there during Kakashi Gaiden - the failure and subsequent suicide of Kakashi's father, Hatake Sakumo, which took place 5 years before Kannabi. To recap - some sort of important mission, goal vs comrades, Sakumo chooses comrades, mission ends in a failure, everyone hates Sakumo, including the very same comrades, Sakumo kills himself. Now here's the thing - even if Sakumo was compared to Sannins, we know pretty much jackshit about when and where he did missions. We've obviously heard about this mission, and there is also a very interesting fact about him killing parents of another Akatsuki-member-to-be - Sasori. However, Sasori was a very young child when it happened (off Chiyo's memories), and Sasori himself fought and ditched Suna during TSWW, so Sakumo fighting against Suna would have taken place in the previous World War, which is the Second.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is - we know nothing of Sakumo's involvement in the TSWW, meaning that he became a legendary and respected figure before it. And we certainly know that there was some mission, he put his comrades' lives over the mission, mission failed, and everyone hated him. And doesn't that seem like a bit of a... overreaction? Considering that during the plot we see quite a few missions being failed and yet it doesn't lead to shinobi in charge of them to becoming pariahs and ending their lives. Unless, of course... the failure of that particular mission had some absolutely catastrophic consequences.

Here's the part that was purely theorized, however I love this theory a lot and I believe that it actually does an amazing job at explaining the events, so here it goes - Hatake Sakumo's mission that took place 5 years before the events of Kannabi bridge mission was the spark that set off the Third Shinobi World War.

And suddenly the way everyone acts makes a lot of sense. Sakumo chose to save his comrades and know all of them watch as their village and country submerges itself into another worldwide meatgrinder? Yeah, no fucking wonder they started hating him, they are also kind of responsible for shit going down. The village despised him? Yeah, alright, everyone now must prepare for another war with like 3 different Greater Nations and think of how their friends and relatives are going to die, of course they can't stand his guts. Sakumo watches his homeland being engulfed into the fires of war caused by his one decision that went against the rules of shinobi? Oh yeah, no wonder he takes his life, no one's honor ever recovers from setting off a literal World War. Young Kakashi wants nothing to do with his father's name and values, even of it's his only (once upon a time) living relative? I mean, your dad's the reason all the adults in the village are getting their mandatory wartime flashbacks to shit thay experienced back during the Second Shinobi World War and you and your classmates instead of having to catch cats somewhere in the village now have to catch boulders with their faces somewhere on the border between Land of Earth and Land of Grass, of course you're not gonna follow his steps in any capacity.

Anyway, you get the idea. Now that I've explained why I believe the beginning of TSWW is assossiated with Hatake Sakumo, we can see that the war lasted for about 5 years, which is pretty reasonable time for at least two generations to get completely fucked over, so this theory passes a sanity check. Thus, we can presume that TSWW started 22 years before the events of Shippuden.

And, as I am sure you are aware, 22 is a magical number for this post, because Hidan is exactly 22 years old in Shippuden

(while searching for info for this post, I've found the English translation of the databook, so here's a bit of it with the main stuff for Hidan)

Now, all of my previous yapping about the dates creates a pretty interesting picture: Akatsuki members can be separated into three clusters (Zetsu and Orochimaru don't count, didn't care + didn't ask + L bozo + asspull plot twists): grandpa Kakuzu as the outlier that literally predates the shinobi village system, the majority of Akatsuki aged 30-40 aka kids born during the Second Shinobi World War and later fucked up by the Third Shinobi World War, and the three kids of the Third Shinobi World War aka Hidan (22), Itachi (21) and Deidara (19). Who are. You know. Even if they never fought in that war, they are still clearly not okay.

So yeah, one certain thing: Hidan would have been born around the same time as the TSWW was beginning, and, considering that it lasted 5 years, he should, theoretically, be able to remember its last years (the ones that involved sending 13 year olds on the enemy territory on Konoha's side of the conflict, wonderful stuff).

Now we'll be switching to geography because, I mean, how bad could it be for wherever Hidan was born? The answer is - likely pretty fucking bad.

Here's another tidbit from the databook confirming that Hidan was born in Yugakure (the reason why I specifically checked for it was that I was unsure if he simply got his shinobi education(?) in Yugakure or he was actually born there, the first scenario makes things kind of more ambigious; and it is possible, Kushina is an example of someone born in Uzushio and trained in Konoha). Now let's look at the map and see where Yugakure is...

Goddamit it's right in between Land of Fire and Land of Lightining. Literally like the fastest way for either country's army to pass through to fuck up each other. Possibly for Blood Mist too, if they ever got the brightest idea to go fuck up Kumogakure via a land path.

And yes there's no doubt that Konoha and Kumo were fighting in that war (chapter 542)

Ay, Bee and Minato can only be young adults for TSWW + Minato explicitly states that neither Ay nor he are Kage yet, Minato becomes one after the end of the war, while Ay does after his father dies fighting a giant army (figure which village is geographically close to Kumo to pull this) for three days straight. All in all, Kumo and Konoha undoubtedly were against each other during the time Hidan would be learning how to talk and walk, so Yugakure would be stuck between the rock and the hard place.

Which, off the example of Amegakure (granted these poor fuckers are stuck between THREE Greater Nations, and whenever there's a big conflict going on Suna, Iwa and Konoha like to throw the title of "the biggest civilian casualties inflicter" between each other like it's hot potato, but nonetheless) being a small village in this position sucks major ass. Hidan would have been watching his home getting rolled over by Kumo and Konoha repeatedly all childhood, and I think it's pretty safe to say that it's heavily affected him and his hightened interest in all things violent.

And off the paragraph above, we see that Yugakure turned into a resort village after the war ended (this couldn't have happened before or during it, otherwise it raises a question of how the hell Hidan is a shinobi).

(And I love the phrase "all major wars disappeared from the world" - my brother in christ it's been literally just 17 years and everyone's at each others throats again, why is Kishimoto trying to desperately gaslight his readers into believing that it was all bad before but now everyone's in an era of peace, the world is literally in another mid-war period and the world is aware of what these times look like (already happened 2 times))

Ahem. Sorry for going off topic. Now, whether Yugakure stopped being a military center on its own volition due to economic reasons or someone pressured them into demilitarising (once again, there's a pretty big border between the Land of Hot Springs and Land of Fire, and Konoha's got this dude named Danzo who likes having his nose into bordering countries' business, hi again, Ame, and is the literal embodiment of paranoia, considering all of that, such a scenario is possible), the result is the same - Yugakure is now a peaceful village, Hidan is its shinobi who is likely traumatised from the events in TSWW, so he craves some pretty extreme forms of violence. It's kind of obvious why he got tangled with the cult of Jashin.

And then there's... nothing. Literally a blank period. There's no info on Hidan's education as the shinobi (the databook has ??? for this info), Yugakure has no ninja registration system unlike the major hidden villages, so nothing can be inferred off of that, there's some stuff said about cult of Jashin and Hidan being the first successfull immortality experiment, but there are no events corresponding to any of this in the manga or the databooks, so alas, we have no clues what was going on with him before his recruitment into Akatsuki, so let's go into this

Thankfully, there's a bit more on that. Hidan during the six day (jesus christ I really hope Pain, Konan and Obito are paying these guys for the overtime, wtf is that, being stuck with your coworkers for 144 hours) zoom call when they were sealing Isobu and Matatabi argues with Pain and says the following

(chapter 329)

(and yes if you are wondering "hey weren't Hidan and Kakuzu dead by the time Obito and Deidara caught Isobu?", this is one of the prime examples why I don't care for anything stated in the anime, because this is one of the things changed from the original: Isobu is shown to be caught before, I believe, Hidan and Kakuzu even make an appearance, the canon scene for Isobu capture starts with Isobu watching who the fuck woke him up, while Obito and Deidara are yapping as usual before Obito is off to get bullied by this one big turtle for the third fucking time in his life)

Obviously, we know that Tobi joined Akatsuki officially after Sasori's death, during Shippuden events, so Hidan's recruitment would be somewhere before that and literally everyone else in the organization. Konan, Zetsu, Pain were there from the start after Obito took over, Itachi joined 8 years ago (after the Uchiha massacre), I've explained why I believe Deidara was taken 7 years before Shippuden, but obviously it can be anywhere between 7 to 4 years, Kisame would have to be somewhere before Deidara, Sasori would have to be before Itachi (because he was Orochimaru's partner before Itachi came about), Kakuzu could have happened literally at any point after the takeover but before Hidan's joining. So, not much is conclusive here, except that at earliest it would have taken like 7 years before Shippuden.

HOWEVER! There's one scene that actually allows us to establish that Hidan would have been recruited during the timeskip between OG Naruto and Shippuden! And it's everyone's favorite "why the fuck is Deidara upside down on the ceiling" scene

First important thing about Akatsuki: Hidan's figure is very obvious, even during the zoom meetings, considering that he is oftentimes drawn with his scythe. As we can see, no scythe in sight.

But that's not the weirdest thing in this picture. I, as a very sane person, have Akatsuki members' heights saved up (rounded up mathematically), so let's take a look at them:

Kisame 195

Kakuzu 185

Obito 182

Itachi 178

Zetsu 177

Hidan 177

Pain 177

Nagato 176

Konan 169

Deidara 166

Sasori 164

Now, after seeing this data, do you see anything conflicting with it on the picture above?

...

...

Who the fuck is this guy? The guy who is TOWERING above Kisame, literally the tallest known member?

My sanity says that the obvious answer is Kishimoto didn't plan shit, the designs for Akatsuki members weren't finished by that point, so we get this weird shit in the chapters before Akatsuki got revealed. Unfortunately, my sanity does not work as an in-universe argument, so the alternative is that this is actually Kakuzu's partner before Hidan (one of the guys that got killed by him), which creates the following chain of events: Akatsuki have this meeting 3 years before Shippuden, Kakuzu kills this 2.5 meter tall dude, and then the HR department aka Pain, Konan and Obito find this one undying cultist and pair them up because goddammit Kakuzu we don't have time for this bullshit, we need to tailedbeastmaxx.

So, as a result, Hidan joined Akatsuki anywhere from 19 to 22 (and I don't remove 22 from the boundary unlike I did with Deidara because Hidan not knowing wtf Akatsuki's goal is in this particular meeting is pretty wild, considering that Isobu and Matatabi are the fourth and fifth Tailed Beast that they are sealing by this point - Deidara said during the Kazekage Rescue arc that before Gaara they already got two jinchuiki, so 2 + Shukaku = 3 before that meeting - and zero times did Hidan think about asking "hey Leader what the fuck are we cooking here")

And I think that's about all I've got in regards to timeline stuff for Hidan. 0-5 - watches the carnage of the Third Shinobi World War, the next like 15 years are in the fog of war, so we only know that he's got his shinobi education, got pissed at the village, joined a cult, obtained immortality, and then from 19 to 22 he is recruited into Akatsuki.

thanks for joining my Tobitalk for today

[forcedhesitation]

I love that the bg3 guys are all written to have this intense adoration of karlach and lae’zel’s abilities to absolutely eviscerate their enemies. they’ve all got the same taste in women, which is “she could gut the big scary man chasing me, and then princess carry me to safety in her blood spattered arms.” and I respect and relate to that, as a bisexual man myself.

[song-tam]

re: the arcane ask you just sent quil. i feel compelled to share this exchange i JUST had with my friend

me when i’m. me when i’m predictable as fuck

LOSER. youre the opposite of nonchalant and mysterious

[fumiko-matsubara]

Heyy — I absolutely LOVE your art!! I’m kinda sad that there is not enough Rio Nakamura fanart in the Internet but you saved me. Are you willing to draw her again? Maybe with karma ? And I always thought about Shuu x Rio what is your opinion on that?

OH THANK YOU!! I draw Nakamura fairly often enough, usually when I'm on the verge of suffering from art block. She's fun and easy to draw and to think about. So, don't worry ❤💕

I might draw her with Karma too. The two hazards to mankind is a dynamic I've definitely thought about time and time again. Let's see if I'll find myself in the mood to draw them in the future 🤔

And about GakuRio... um

I'm sorry. I'm sure you'd want to know what my genuine thoughts about them are but I really just cant.

Nakamura being a sapphic bi who's only into feminine men (Nagisa) and all women is a semi-canon headcanon that is deeply ingrained in my brain, that the mere thought of her being with any guy outside that very specific category is something I just couldn't take seriously 😭

Not that I have anything against people who do ship her with other guys, that is. Y'all do you and I respect that. I'm just not willing to get anywhere near that lane.

It's just that this tweet has done serious damage to my brain and I can't go back 😭

Even with Chiba, despite the amount of Bakamura content I've posted over the years, my body just fully rejects the mere idea of viewing the way I write out their dynamic in a romantic lense 😭 There were like two instances when I drew them in a romance shoujo-manga manner and you easily can tell how UNSERIOUS I am with them lmao