#Nigerian Gossip

[delulu-4-lewlew]

If Charles and Carlos weren’t heavily accented speakers, I wouldn’t find their conversations funny.

[teacup-gathering-itself]

Give me muggleborn students trolling eachother via howlers and voice changers but they accidentally use muggle jokes that the pureblood kids don’t understand (think Nigerian Prince scams) so it spirals out of control.

“I didn’t know your family had ties to nobility? Why didn’t you mention it?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re familiar with African nobility? Enough that they send you howlers? And you didn’t care to mention that?”

“Oh… oh yeah that’s… my bad?”

Queue every muggle raised child realizing this opportunity and making eyes that scream “do NOT fuck this up for all of us” at each other before the gossip network does its work.

Anyways I just wanna see Goncharov level of unity because they absolutely would stick to the bit if someone fell for it.

Professor Snape would die over this silently, while all the pureblood teachers are like “???? Are you well, Severus?”

[obiexxbergmann]

"What?" Obie asked and looked up at the person that was talking to him. "No, JC and I are not broken up and if you believe everything that Gossip Girl tells you, then I hope you get scammed by a fake Nigerian Prince. Please leave me alone." @ggstarterblog

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Some interesting photos of TW in Nigeria by u/hammer1956

Some interesting photos of TW in Nigeria On one photo her feet are photoshopped, her toes shorter and in-line but there are six toes on each foot. Her photographer, Misan Harriman is there with her. You know, the one who denies he photoshops her pics. 🙄In another, H walking with a staff member and a Nigerian official and TW was made to walk behind them, that must have almost killed her. H is turning and looking back. He know he's gonna. pay Hell for this. She is dressed in very revealing dresses and the Nigerians are dressed conservatively. The dress she wore to visit a school is Euro flesh colored and backless! Go to Gossip-2 on facebook. post link: https://ift.tt/ekCoFup author: hammer1956 submitted: May 12, 2024 at 01:27AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[celticcrossanon]

Harkle/Nigerian Tea, Celta. Check out Saint Meghan Markle tumblr account for a post on May 19th entitled "Found the SS in Nigeria Texts! by u/OwnedByBernese." It appears to be about 7 screenshots of a text conversation between someone and a sugary fan or squad member in Nigeria. It's entertaining gossip, alright, lol.

Hi Nonny,

I had a quick look and the bad behaviour discussed in the texts doesn't surprise me. This is what the Harkles are known for now.

Thank you for sending in the tea. :)

Link from the ask:

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hello RTA 👋🏻 Had a thought so wanted to share and ask your opinion on it.

Did you notice the increased bleating of GB News, Chris Ship, Richard Palmer, Petronella Wyatt, Daniela Elser & other self proclaimed royal experts demanding Charles and William to take the Harkles back? I feel like they’re starving for dramas & gossips from the inner royal circle & couldn’t get anyone, family nor staffs, to spill any secrets so they’re going mad. This is especially after Charles and Catherine’s diagnosis but that door shut firmly after Catherine’s video.

The repugnant loose lips will happily divulge private details in exchange of good PR for them like what’s happening now if William and Charles supposedly cave in to “public” demands to take the Harkles back in. It’s a win-win for 2 equally disgusting entities. 

But from what I’m seeing online, no matter how much the MSM and tabloids suck up to the Harkles especially the Nigeria vacation, the public isn’t buying what they’re selling. Social media spreads information quicker, more efficiently with higher target reach and the videos of the Harkles + the dissatisfaction of the Nigerians about their visit is quickly becoming more popular than their very carefully curated photos, videos and hundreds of paid for articles. This much drive the Harkles and their mouthpieces crazy.

What do you think? 🙏🏻❤️

*******

I know it seems contrary but I don’t actually pay attention to the royal reporters. I keep an eye on The Times for their Sunday exclusives (because it’s usually Charles or William speaking) and scan the Daily Mail’s website/front page for headlines of the day but I don’t actually read the stories. Because the stories aren’t saying anything new.

And because the stories aren’t saying anything new, the reporters don’t have anything to write so they go back to what sells: the Charles/William/Harry drama. Much like Diana vs Sarah sold in the ‘80s, Diana vs Charles sold in the ‘90s,  and Kate vs Meghan sold 2017 - 2019, Charles vs William vs Harry is selling in the ‘20s. So I don’t pay much attention to what they say because it’s nothing new. You have two people complaining about each other to the press and one person who just wants to be left alone with his three true loves (his wife, his children, and Aston Villa).

The majority of the general public has never bought what Harry and Meghan are selling. It was always only a small, very outspoken, very loud group of people using a bully pulpit to shape public perception. The longer the Sussexes stay together, the more they push themselves into the public eye, the more they try to project popularity with the aid of their small but mighty supporters, the faster and more easily their dominoes fall and shatter the house of glass they’ve built themselves into.

[milesmoraleswife4l]

Miles 1610 X Nigerian Y/N

notes: nigga when I tell you this took my too long to make. Like writing this is not for the weak bruh

warnings: jus fluff ig

summary: y/n takes miles to meet her nigerian parents. ( im nigerian so umm yea)

“Miles, they are not going to like you if you don't take this seriously.” You said this for the 15th time. Miles is coming with you to a party your parents are throwing at your house. You thought it would be a good time to introduce them to Miles for the first time. As much as you were excited, you were hella nervous because this was the first time you ever brought into this household. And not just any household, but a Nigerian one at that. 

Miles needed to understand that one wrong move will ultimately end in your mom gossiping to all your aunts and your dad to the uncles saying, “ arabinrin mi, o ko ni gbagbọ aṣiwère ti ọmọbinrin wa mu fun wa lati pade oh.” (my sister, you won't believe the fool our daughter has brought back for us to meet oh) 

It's like you could hear it from a mile away. The thought made you sweat bullets because you know that they'll never approve if they have a horrible introduction to each other. “ No Miles try again, that's not right! C’mon you actually have to try. “ You said about just giving up and saying maybe this isn't the right time for him to meet them. ‘’Mami por que te preocupas tanto?’’ He said coming closer to hold your waist. “ because you don't know my parents, they're super judgemental and really strict. Like they didn't want me to even think about boys until i was at the ripe age of 30.’’ “ Thats crazy.’’ He said while laughing. 

 ‘Not its not, because as much as i love you, i need our parents to support our relationship.’’ you said as you were pacing around your room. ‘’ Ok ok I understand. Tell me what I need to do and I'll do it ok?” he said while grabbing both of your sides and engulfing you in a warm hug. And you sigh as you take in a pleasant whiff of his cologne.

TIME SKIP

Miles rang the doorbell to your parents house. “ remember everything i taught you please, and just be yourself at the same time.’’ you said while giving him a nervous smile. ‘’ Don't worry mami everything will be ok’’ He said wanting to give you a kiss but the door flew open.’’ e kassan mommy this is Miles” you said very sweetly to your mom. “ ekassan ma o dara pupọ o pade rẹ” Miles said while bending down to greet your mom. You just stand there; completely shook because you never taught him all of that. ‘’ Here are some roses I brought you, and you look completely beautiful, now I know where Yn got her beauty from.” He says smirking a little at you and how surprised you are. “ AHH AHH YN, why didn't you tell me you got with this handsome man?! Please arewa okunrin, what's your ethnicity, let me have three guesses!’’ your mom said begging the poor boy. “ No mom please no, he doesn't need to tell you all of that.” you said completely embarrassed that it even came out of her mouth. Luckily, Miles just laughed and proceeded to answer the question. “ I'm actually African american and Puerto rican ma.’’ “

Ehen so Yn has now gone and brought home a latin boy, ok ohh.’’ Your mom says, folding her arms in astonishment. “ Ok well Yns dad isn't here right now but you're more than welcome to stay.” Your mom says pulling him away for him to meet all your aunties. “ Come and see the fine boy Yn has brought to me ohh.’’ She exclaimed while pulling miles away. You laughed as you saw him being poked and prodded by many aunties at once. When they finally finished, which felt like hours after, he came back to meet you with a smirk on your face. “ Well, that was definitely something.’’ he said like he just saw a ghost. “ This is my family for you.’’ You said while laughing your head off. “ Haha. very funny.’’ He said while rolling his eyes. “ Anyway, im super hungry, can i get something to eat real quick?’’ He asked, wrapping his hand around your shoulder. “ Not too close omo, do you want her to get pregnant?!’’ Your mom yelled from far away. “ Mom! Stop please im begging” you said covering your face in embarrassment. “ Sorry!” Miles quickly said while moving his arm, but still scooting closer to you so that he can be near you as much as possible. “ Ok lemme just get something for you to eat c’mon.’’ You said while pulling him off the couch. 

He followed you to the kitchen and jumped up when he saw plantain. 

“ You guys have platanos too?!’’ “ Mi vida, here if anyone hears you call it that you're in big trouble. We call it dodo or plantain.” You said while rubbing his face by how cute he's being. “ Well whatever you want to call it, give me two big spoon-fuls of that please.” He said  while looking at it like it was his prey he was about to catch. “ Ok OK! It's not going anywhere why are you looking at it like that?’’ You said, chuckling at how hungry he is. “ Oh and gimme some fufu and efo riro.” He said looking over the table. “ Miles bruh, how do you even know about that?’ You said dying of laughter. “ Mami stop asking my questions and just put it please i'm dying over here” He said all dramatic.

Ok so this is litterally my first story so dont judge me pls. :)

[jiraiadored]

Gossip time!

I had suspected someone (that I barely spoke to tbh) about racefaking (cuz they claimed to be chinese/korean/Japanese mix, & im not saying its IMPOSSIBLE but lemme speak) months ago, but it was just an off thing that I kept to myself & didn't hard accuse them of.

But then that same person dmed me asking if I was Japanese because of the name Kitoko that I choice to use for myself. Which is Yoruba?? Literally Nigerian?? Google will tell u that right away & it's literally the name of a haircare brand for BLACK PEOPLE.

& I was thinking if it was your culture, then you'd know that or at least Google before asking about someone else's race? Like that dm is what made me hard sus them. Cuz I didn't think a regular Japanese person would do that over a name

Anyways fast forward until now and they ARE a racefaker (among several other terrible things) 💀💀💀

[dear-indies]

hey cat! i need a little help please with some female fc suggestions between 21-40 that are actresses and musicians that would fit the vibes of either a fashion industry or the celebrity/hollywood industry, please? so like the vibes of gossip girl, absolutely fabulous, pretty little liars, etc. thank you so much!! 🍉

Diane Guerrero (1986) Colombian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Fahriye Evcen (1986) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Poyd Treechada Petcharat (1986) Thai - is trans.

Sarah Snook (1987)

Zaraah Abrahams (1987) Iraqi and Barbadian / Afro Jamaican.

Nicola Coughlan (1987) - has been extremely vocal for Palestine but is willing to work with zionist owned SKIMS in 2024.

Susan Wokoma (1987) Nigerian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Munroe Bergdorf (1987) Afro Jamaican / English - is trans - has spoken up for Palestine!

Jillian Mercado (1987) Afro-Dominican - has spastic muscular dystrophy.

Mishel Prada (1989) Puerto Rican, Dominican Republic, and Mexican [Spanish, Portuguese, African, Indigenous], some French - has spoken up for Palestine!

Victoria Monét (1989) French, African-American/Creole - is bisexual - has spoken up for Palestine!

Brianne Howey (1989)

Tabria Majors (1990) African-American - has spoken up for Palestine!

Teyana Taylor (1990) African-American and Afro Trinidadian.

Maren Morris (1990) - is bisexual - has spoken up for Palestine!

Tanya Reynolds (1991) - has spoken up for Palestine!

Olivia Liang (1993) Chinese.

Pınar Deniz (1993) Turkish [Lebanese] - shared an AI image, was an image of Bibi covered in blood being called a terrorist so she's spitting facts.

Melisa Aslı Pamuk (1991) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Tommy Dorfman (1992) Jewish - is a trans woman and a lesbian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Mishti Rahman (1992) Bengali.

Kylie Verzosa (1992) Ilocano Filipino.

Rose Matafeo (1992) Samoan / White - has spoken up for Palestine!

Hari Nef (1992) Ashkenazi Jewish - is a trans woman - has spoken up for Palestine!

Charlie Craggs (1992) - is a trans woman - has spoken up for Palestine!

Paloma Elsesser (1992) African-American / Chilean-Swiss - has spoken up for Palestine!

Davika Hoorne (1992) Thai / White.

Mia Khalifa (1993) Lebanese - has spoken up for Palestine!

Sinem Ünsal (1993) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Lily Mae Harrington (1993)

Bae Suzy (1994) Korean.

Aimee Lou Wood (1994) - has spoken up for Palestine!

Ahsen Eroğlu (1994) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Nadine Lustre (1993) Aklanon, Ilocano, Pangasinan, Tagalog Filipino.

Kim Adis (1993) Bisaya Filipino.

Imaan Hammam (1995) Egyptian / Moroccan - has spoken up for Palestine!

Adeline Rudolph (1995) Korean / White.

Rhianna Jagpal (1995) Indian - especially her vibe in The Imperfects.

Josefine Frida Pettersen (1996) - has spoken up for Palestine!

Lauren Jauregui (1996) Cuban [Spanish, possibly other], likely some Basque - is bisexual - has spoken up for Palestine!

Chase Sui Wonders (1996) Chinese, some Japanese and Tahitian / White.

Annalisa Cochrane (1996)

Joy Sunday (1996) Nigerian.

Siena Kelly (1996) Black British.

Alisha Boe (1997) Somali / White - has spoken up for Palestine!

Melis Sezen (1997) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Bahar Şahin (1997) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Jaylen Barron (1997) African-American / Mexican.

Aida Osman (1997) African-American.

Havana Rose Liu (1997) Chinese / White - is pansexual.

Alyah Chanelle Scott (1997) African-American.

Janella Salvador (1998) Bisaya Filipino - has spoken up for Palestine!

Coco Jones (1998) African-American.

May Elghety (1998) Egyptian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Joanna Pincerato (1998) Mexican, Syrian, Swedish and Italian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Ayesha Madon (1998) Indian.

Angel Guardian (1998) Palestinian and Filipino.

Noor Taher (1999) Palestinian-Jordanian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Jessica Alexander (1999) - is bisexual - has spoken up for Palestine!

Lee Rodriguez (1999) African-American / Mexican - is queer.

Melisa Döngel (1999) Turkish.

Sherry-Lee Watson (1999) Arrernte - has spoken up for Palestine!

Anthony Lexa (2000) - is trans - has spoken up for Palestine!

Minnie Mills (2000) Korean / White.

Reneé Rapp (2000) - is a lesbian - has spoken up for Palestine!

Rachel Zegler (2001) Colombian / White - has spoken up for Palestine!

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan (2001) Tamil - has spoken up for Palestine!

Asena Keskinci (2001) Turkish - has spoken up for Palestine!

Josie Totah (2001) Palestinian / Lebanese and White - is a trans woman.

Denise Julia (2002) Filipino - is pansexual - has spoken up for Palestine!

Hope this helps you out, anon!

[ulabewriting]

Karter Foreman-McGuire.

he/him.

TW : mention of smoking, bad relationship with parents and coming-out(going good tho)

– Nigerian, adopted in Benin City.

– Capricorn.

– Transgender / AFAB.

– Tattoo artist.

• part of the “don’t give a fuck about being rich” duo. (skyh’s bestie<3)

• rejects every single one of his parent’s “beliefs” and morals.

• will never forgive them for the poor treatment of Liz. (clearly the sibling he’s closest to, jokingly calls her his “favorite”.)

• chillest person you’ve ever met.

• until the topic is his parents. he gets very tense.

• somehow knows everything about everyone. (that means he’s the best to gossip with ;] )

• is insanely scared of love and getting into a relationship. (he freaked out soooo bad when he realized his feelings for you–)

• loves people very deeply though. There are no words to describe the intensity of his feelings for his siblings, friends and you.

• a skater guy. (the cliché one listening to some mean linkin park, yeah, yeah, yeah.)

• loves drawing and painting. he regularly adds little drawings on his skateboard.

• one of the most creative people you’ll ever meet.

• becoming a tattoo artist has always been his dream.

• would go into mind break if you ask him to tattoo you. He’d be so touched and flattered you’d trust him with something such, he could cry.

• doesn’t have any tattoos himself though.

• wears long sleeves all the time, no matter the season and temperature.

• « You ever think about, like, how… . . damn, I forgot what I was saying. . . .Anyway, you hungry ? »

• LOVES to have movie night dates with you. both of you, cuddles, coraline playing in the back. perfection.

• random guy with a random sense of humour. definitely the type to find elaborated jokes unfunny but will be cry-laughing because of a goofy horn noise.

• is into urbex. loves to find and explore the most rannndom, weirrrrd places. it kind of freaks you out sometimes but it makes him happy so oh well. :)

• « I swear ! I found the coolest place; apparently it’s an ancient hospital where patients used to summon evil spirits. We haaaave to go tonight ! Imagine if we hear like… weird laughs and little voices and shit. That’s so sick??? »

• absolutely hates alcohol. grape juice though ? he needs it to function.

• he's the jealous type. (but won't everrrr admit it; he'll pout and whine if you mention it.)

• writes lyrics of his favorite songs on the sole of his shoes.

• Oliver and him, as the « only bros of the pack », love to roleplay as exaggerated dudebros/toxic masculinity fucks from time to time and they always get cut short by Dominic and Liz’ disapproving glares, which only causes them to giggle stupidly and exchange knowing glances. dudebros in their own bubble i guess–

• draws little hearts and stars on your skin. (would definitely color your tattoos if you have some!)

• the funny introvert of the group.

• laughs very easily. he looks scary until he flashes you the whitest, largest, most genuine smile eveR.

• kind of has fangs. cute little fangs. (and he bites to show his love, so yeah, prepare yourself–)

• obsessed with belts. He has a whole collection and it’s quite impressive–

• his love languages ? quality time and acts of service.

• plays guitar.

• calls you ‘precious’.

• it was his dream to join a band when he was in high school.

• sings you sweet lullabies when you can’t sleep – he has a beautiful, soothing voice, so it never takes you long to fall asleep.

• he was scared to death about coming out. Naturally, the first person he confided in was Liz, when he was 17. She had the sweetest, most supportive reaction and it really encouraged him to fully step out of the closet. By the time he was 20, he was out to the whole family, including his parents.

• has a special spot in his heart for Oliver. After all, he’s always been his ‘masculine role model’. (cause it sure as hell wasn’t his father lmao)

• remembers everything about you. even the smallest, ‘stupidest’ details.

• jokes about hating men all the time, and blames everything on them. The dishwasher not working ? Yeah, probably some man's fault. One of Celestia's designer bags missing ? Random dog barking in the streets ? Global warming ? MEN.

• very supportive. He’s the fondest about anything you do; he's always hyping up Mickayla’s brand and still wears her first pieces, he always showed up to Skyh’s plays even though he hates theater…No matter how uninterested he may seem; he deeply cares about what is going on around him and his loved ones.

• only wears silver jewelry, and you won’t ever catch him running around in the streets without a choker on.

• loves matching with you. phone cases, necklaces, bracelets, nail art – anything. anything as long as it's you.

• likes pda. Holding hands, hugging you, squeezing your waist, locking an arm around your shoulders… there’s no way you two go out and his hands are not everywhere on you.

• never smokes when you’re around. (unless you smoke as well, in that case; he will insist to light up your cigarette, it always brings a little smile to his lips when he does it.)

• wears strawberry chapstick 24/7. He can’t live without it.

• draws you all the time. He has lots of random sketches on the corner of his notebooks’ pages and big ass paintings of you hidden under his bed – he’s scared you’d find him too obsessive and creepy if you found out how many of those he has.

• a sucker for cartoons. If you wait for him on his bed, ready to cuddle, an episode of teen titans on the tiny TV in his room, he’ll wrap himself around you like a blanket and never let go–

• reserved, but very vocal about his dislikes. Like if someone says something he has a problem with, he’ll say it. He won’t be rude about it, but he’ll definitely make it crystal clear.

• one of his dreams is to have a matching tattoo with all his siblings. Something discreet and meaningful; a symbol for the unique, disconcerting experience that being a Foreman-McGuire is.

• « You look like a whole ass museum all by yourself, precious. I could look at you forever… and as a matter of fact, I will. »

[noonetoldmeineededausername]

I've been looking into the King Charles has pancreatic cancer thing. Every news article I can find seems to get this info from an article with In Touch. Which is an American gossip magazine. I believe the article in question is this one:

I’ve found articles across four sites that mention King Charles specifically having pancreatic cancer. As said already one is American, a Nigerian site and two Pakastani sites. I’ve yet to find a single British news site reporting on it.

I’ve seen this topic posted in several anti-monarchy circles now, which is why I started looking into it. With the source of the claim anonymous the trail seems to end here. However I’m still looking into it because I want to see if I can find out anymore.

I have no evidence that it’s fake, there is absolutely a chance that this is a credible leak. But since it originates from a gossip site I think doubt should be cast. Honestly I just want people to stop throwing it around like fact.

I'll link all the stuff I found in a reblog.

[haggishlyhagging]

As part of a far-flung community of fellow pop-culture feminists that has bloomed over the years, I've seen pop culture and media transform feminism, for better and for worse and feminism, in turn, change pop culture and media. But as I started to write this book, something weird happened: feminism got cool.

A current of excitement that had previously been humming just under the surface of mainstream culture suddenly amped up. In August 2014, Beyoncé commanded the stage at the close of MTV's Video Music Awards, the word "FEMINIST" glowing in neon lights behind her as her song "Flawless" sampled the words of Nigerian author Chimimanda Ngozi Adichie. (“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much.’”) The sample concludes with Adichie paraphrasing the dictionary definition of "feminist": "The person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes." Though the song was already well known, and though Beyoncé's particular brand of business-minded feminism was threaded through lyrics dating back to her Destiny's Child days, the visual display served as her official flag in the ground. Bathed in spotlights, the biggest pop star in the world rocked the once-maligned label like a curve-hugging Met Gala dress, literally spelling it out for an audience of more than eight million.

Beyonce staking her claim to feminism was the start of a media domino effect. Shortly after, Emma Watson, beloved for years as Harry Potter's Hermione, gave a speech on the importance of gender equality to the United Nations noting, among other things, that "[i]t is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of [as] two sets of opposing ideals." The pop singer Taylor Swift, who several years earlier had disavowed feminism, quickly changed tack with a media announcement that, in fact, she'd been feminist all along. At Paris Fashion Week, Chanel's runway-show finale took the form of a feminist rally, with models draped in the label's signature tweeds raising signs that read "History is Her Story" and "Women's Rights Are More Than Alright." Brands like Verizon, Always, and Pantene began centering feminist themes in their ads for wireless plans, maxi pads, and shine-boosting shampoos. And my Google alert for "women and feminism," which used to turn up lonely articles with headlines like "Feminism: Outmoded and Unpopular," began teeming with woman-power boosterism: "Beyonce's Hip New Club: Feminism," "Emma Watson Gives Feminism New Life," "Why Male Feminists Are Hot." Seemingly overnight, almost every female celebrity—and a fair number of male ones—who walked a red carpet was asked whether they were feminists. References to Lena Dunham and Leaning In were suddenly cropping up in everything from gossip columns to in-flight magazines. The increasing presence of transgender women in mainstream pop culture—Laverne Cox, Janet Mock, the Amazon series Transparent—offered new opportunities to talk about gender as a limiting social construct. Cosmopolitan, the bible of man-pleasing sex tips, began embracing more explicitly political writers and subjects, though it will still teach you "40 Ways to Blow His Mind." Feminism, so long dismissed as the realm of the angry, the cynical, the man-hating, and the off-puttingly hairy, was officially a thing. It was hot. And, perhaps most important, it was sellable.

-Andi Zeisler, We Were Feminists Once

[dirtbagalien0]

blu and red spy designs!!!! theyre sort of ocs but also sort of redesigns? idk. anyways i love them. french ppl face close ups under the cut + extra details

blu spy is a nonbinary lesbian, she uses she/they, and shes french/nigerian. red spy is a bisexual trans woman, who uses she/her, and shes french/catalan. in my personal headcanon, they met in the same charter school in france, so they know each other somewhat well. outside of fighting and stuff, they probably gossip to each other about their teams lol

[taiyejeremiah]

Part 5/5: How God took me out of my wicked friend’s house🤔🤔🤔🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🥳🥳🥳😍😍😍

#friend #wickedfriend #wickedroommate #wickedhousemates #housemate #roommate #gossip #gossipers #lies #house #apartment #leavehouse #christianfriends #church #choir #Godspurpose #sleepover #phonecommunication #rubbishtalk #foodie #foodies #african #africa #nigeria #nigerian #Jesus #HolySpirit #God

[spellbook-gayboy]

Cape-Watch Monthly Bulletin- January 2023

Hey, y’all! I’m your host, Christina Cabello, ringing in the new year with the first Cape-Watch Monthly Bulletin of 2023! This year’s gotten off to a flying start for the superhero community, and we have no shortage of hot stories to share with you below the cut!

Meet The Team

Kicking off our list is quite possibly one of the hottest stories of the year yet! After over two months of intense try-outs and meticulous selection, through controversy after controversy, the line-up of the new superhero team Breakthrough was officially unveiled this month at a public press event at the Pentagon. Here, our field reporter Noah Pinker managed to score an exclusive interview with the team’s leader and legendary superhero Frontline, who had this to say:

‘I can’t tell you how happy it makes me feel, standing her today. Being able to continue a team I feel such a strong personal bond with into modern times is such a good feeling. It was difficult, I’ll admit, with everything going on in the try-outs, but I think we’ve managed to put together a real group of heavy hitters. All that’s left now is to try and get them to work with each other without burning the place down!’

Speaking of which, I’d be remiss to not mention the five members that will be serving alongside Frontline. Filling the role of the team’s second-in-command, and by far one of the most popular picks, is the Nigerian heroine Omi, who easily cleared her way through both continental and final stages of the selection process, ending with a spectacular knockout against the Japanese hero Tengu. Compared to her peers, she is also the most popular, achieving national recognition as one of Nigeria’s greatest heroes, to the point where she is frequently described as a ‘gift from the orisha (powerful spirits and minor gods in the religion of Isese, the religion of the Yoruba people of Nigeria)’. The heroine herself recently bid farewell to her home city of Port Harcourt before entrusting it to a fellow hero known as Neon Knight. It will certainly be interesting to see how she fares on a team as international as Breakthrough, but I think it’s fair to say that she’ll do well. 

Another two of the new members include the titan of Paris, Quark Crusher (or Broyeur de Quarks for the French speakers), who has defended his home city since his teenage years if estimates are to be believed. Joining him is a fairly surprising arrival, the German heroine Ms. Cinnabar (or Frau Zinnober). The psionic super hails from Stuttgart, where she has worked for years without much of a media presence, preferring a quiet and low-key approach to heroics until now. When asked for comment at the press event about her reasons for applying for a slot on Breakthrough, she explained that while she did enjoy her time as a city-level hero, she also felt the need to push her limits and try to have a bigger impact. This coincides with her finally setting up an Instagram account, which surprised her previously small and scattered fanbase. To say that it’s rare for a previously minor superhero to suddenly shoot to stardom is an understatement, but nevertheless, I wish her the best of luck!

And finally we come to two surprising choices, who have both gathered their own fair amounts of gossip and speculation. The biggest of these two is the mysterious Bolivian vigilante known only as Vaquera, who secured her slot following a knockout victory against the Welsh superhero Green Knight. Despite there being a warrant for her arrest in her home country, the Bolivian government has still seemingly accepted her as their representative on Breakthrough, although it should be noted that this was only announced after the governments of Argentina, Colombia and Peru publicly offered her their support. She was also the only member that refused to answer any questions during the press event, which is hardly surprised given that she is generally known to be very quiet and guarded around others. Fighting alongside her will be the final member to talk about, the South Korean speedster Trailblazer (선구자). After an eight-year long stint as a member of the superpowered K-Pop group Hot Stuff, in which he cultivated a catalogue of popular songs with his co-stars, he applied late after the breakdown of the group over ‘creative differences’, going on to secure his slot after defeating the Italian super Brigante. Despite admitting himself to be ‘out of practice’, he also boasts a record as the only applicant who never once got hit throughout the entire process, thanks in part to his superspeed. While the element of stardom certainly mixes up the team dynamic, there is also the question of whether he’ll be able to fare as well against foes that might wish to hurt him far worse than other heroes would. In conclusion, Frontline has managed to assemble quite the crew, but only time will tell if they can rise to the heights of other teams like the Guardians of the Globe, or if they are doomed to sink the same depths as others such as Fight Force. 

A New Atlantean Archon

Our next story comes from quite the strange place, from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean where the sunken metropolis of Atlantis resides, where quite a strange series of events has recently taken place regarding the superhero Invincible. Apparently, under Atlantean tradition, the murderer of an Atlantean must marry the victim’s widow. Since Omni-Man, who murdered the king Aquarus along with the rest of the Guardians of the Globe almost two years ago now, was no longer on Earth, that responsibility fell to his son. Invincible was also the reason this story even broke in the first place, when he went on Twitter to say this:

‘So yeah, that happened. Can’t say that I imagined that almost marrying a fish woman would be how I started the year, but here we are. Don’t worry, I managed to work things out, and in record time, too. Rex was close to going on a rampage!’

And work things out he did, as the new Aquarus, an Atlantean previously known as Lethan, reached out personally on the apparent official Twitter account for the Atlantean government (which was a surprise to me as well) to thank Invincible for his respect of his people’s traditions. Suffice it to say, this year has only just begun and has already hit us with a curveball. 

Corporate Interests

Our next story concerns the Californian magic user Magic Man, who some of our readers might recall attending the Capes Incorporated Christmas Spectacular with his partner Multi-Paul. More recently, however, he was sighted on a few different occasions with Capes Inc members Kid Thor and Knockout, seemingly on patrol around the company’s headquarters in New York City. This particular little mystery was solved by the Capes Inc. Twitter account, who announced that after a short probationary period, Magic Man had been officially employed as a fully salaried employee of the corporation. 

This understandably prompted a lot of questions from the public, who were keen to know why he had signed himself to such a controversial company, especially since it seemed to conflict with his progressive public image. His reason? Practicality. He told the concerned parties that ‘not everyone can be on a big team like the Guardians’ and that ‘sometimes you have to make compromises that you’re not necessarily happy about’. Speaking from experience, I agree. It can be easy to forget that heroes are people just like the rest of us, who are just as capable of financial issues, and without the safety net of being on famous hero teams can lead to a lot of problems that may only be solved by companies like Capes Inc. In fact, a recent survey showed that around 61% of all Capes Inc. employees sought a place in the company due to financial stresses, while only a minor 12% of employees cited ‘advancement of career’ or ‘better networking opportunities’ as their reason for joining. 

Magic Man, while being a fully salaried employee of Capes Inc., will not be a member of the main team however, and will instead move into a new specialist role within, in which he will be responsible for responding to threats of a more mystical nature than most heroes might be equipped to handle. From the examples of these issues we’ve seen so far, many of which Magic Man has also been present for, it definitely seems that he has his work cut out for him. 

Crescent Moon Crimefighter

The last story on the list comes from the newspapers’ home state of Washington, where residents of Spokane recently discovered that their city now had its own hero protecting them. Reports surrounding this new guardian are still sparse and vague at present, but what is known is this: a robbery at the Umpqua Bank branch on 707 West Main Avenue by armed thugs was suddenly thwarted by the appearance of a large humanoid with wolf-like features, who leapt down from a neighbouring rooftop and proceeded to dispatch the gang of masked robbers with relative ease. The apparent strength of the new arrival, combined with the descriptions given in eyewitness reports of the incident, have led many to conclude that this hero is possibly some variety of werewolf, although this has contradicted by others who pointed out the fact that he had been present on a night that had a waxing crescent moon, which in turn has sparked a fierce debate on what a werewolf actually is. Regardless, the local papers were quick to dub the new hero ‘Wolf-Man’, and the headlines coincided with this statement from Peter Schlottman, the government liaison to the superhero community:

‘While we have yet to actually make contact with this ‘Wolf-Man’ character, we would like to formally extend our thanks to him for preventing the robbery of the Umpqua bank branch, and would like to welcome him as the newest addition to our country’s large and diverse community of superheroes. Much of the western states have not traditionally benefitted from the protection that superheroes offer, and it is the hope of myself and others that the arrival of Wolf-Man and those like him is a sign that that is soon changing for the better.’

While certainly one of the more memorable (and more attractive, depending on who you ask) appearances along the west coast, Wolf-Man is not the first of them. It was only last May that the city of San Diego first became aware of the duo of Magic Man and Multi-Paul, who guard it to this day, and October brought the appropriately themed pair of Bunny Lucky and Cadabra to Las Vegas. It seems that if things continue at this rate, it won’t be too long before every city from Los Angeles to Denver has its own guardian, which would certainly help with the shortage of heroes that the region has been used to since the beginning. 

And that’s all for this month, folks! Once again, I’d like to thank all of you who subscribed to this Bulletin and provide the newspaper with your donations, as you guys help keep things up around here! This has been your host Christina Cabello, telling y’all to stay safe, stay hydrated, and tune in next month for the February Monthly Bulletin, and our special Valentine’s Day article that you can expect on the day!