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bee-ships · 3 years ago

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Walk with me?

Ship: Bianca Cabrera x Newton Geiszler, Bianca & Vannesa & Hermann Gottlieb

Word count: 1.1K

Summary: College!AU — Bianca has late classes and she hates walking alone when it is dark.

Warnings: Food mention, implied fear of the dark. Bianca and Newt have a total of 0 brain cells between the two of them.

《 . . . 》

"...Are you sure?"

"Of course, it's on my way!"

Bianca looks at him, her eyes search his face intently and she opens her mouth to say something but promptly closes it once more. She sighs.

"I just hate to be a bother."

Newt scoffs, his arm snakes around her shoulders to drag her close in an awkward half-hug that has her blushing. Bianca turns her face away from his chest, trying very hard to ignore the smell of his cologne.

"You're no bother at all! After all, that's what friends are for, right?"

Bianca smiles a little and nods.

"And as I said, it's on my way. Basically, you are doing me a favor, giving me company-"

The girl laughs, "Yeah, sure."

"Of course! You know how much I love to talk and I hate late classes, I need a little boost of motivation, and who's more perfect for that than you?"

"I motivate you..?" Bianca can't force herself to look him in the eye, not when she is blushing so obviously at the off-handed comment.

Newt feels heat creep up his neck, suddenly hyper-aware of what he has said. He tries to laugh to ease the tension a little, though the sound comes out as more of a strangled scream. "I- I mean- Of- Of course you do, you are like a breath of fresh air you know?"

Bianca smiles, finally gathering the courage to look up at him. "Thank you for saying that, Newt."

"No problem," he beams. Newt checks his wrist where he definitely doesn't have a watch. "I think we'll be late if we don't start walking."

Bianca breaks off the hug to look at her phone, she nods. "Yeah, I think it's like a 20-minute walk."

As she pockets her phone Bianca jolts at the feeling of someone grabbing her hand. She looks up to see Newt smiling, his brows are drawn in worry though and he seems to be gauging her reaction. When she doesn't break away his whole body relaxes and his grin becomes brighter.

"I don't want to lose you." He jokes.

Bianca smiles right back, she laces their fingers together as they walk through the school campus. Soaking in the warmth the other provided as the sun sets behind the faculty buildings.

《 . . . 》

"One would think getting invited to lunch means your friend actually wants to talk to you." Vanessa reaches to grab a fry from her friend's plate.

Bianca playfully swats her hand away. "Those are mine."

"You pay attention to the fries and your phone but not to me, figures."

Bianca blushes, setting her phone away. "I'm sorry I was just texting Newt"

Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows at her.

"It’s nothing like that, he was just wondering if I have a late class today. He's been walking me to them since they are on his way."

"Isn't your last class super far from the dorms?" Vanessa points out with a stolen fry on hand.

"Yeah, but he has a late class too, by the same building."

"Um. No?" Hermann, who had been silent the entire time, says.

"What do you mean no?"

"Newton chose all his classes early in the day because he likes having free time or something. "

Bianca blinks at him. "No. He told me himself he has a class just right by mine"

"Oh yeah? Which class?" Vanessa challenges.

Bianca sputters. "I- I didn't ask- I had no reason to ask but that doesn't mean he lied-"

"He most certainly did," Hermann says and Bianca has to watch as both her friends high-five, completely on sync when it comes to bullying her.

"C'mon Hermann, when have you heard Newt lie? he's terrible at it!"

Hermann shrugs.

"Look, Bi, I'm not saying he lied but maybe he just likes walking you to your class," Vanessa says gently, too gently, like she’s trying very hard for Bianca not to think about it—

Bianca buries her head in her hands. "I've been making him walk me almost every day. God, I am the worst."

Silence. "Did you ask him to or did he offer?"

Bianca unburies her head to gape at her friend and then sinks right back. "He offered, but I mean- I practically asked because I was complaining about how badly lit the entire campus is-"

"Please," comes Hermann's incredulous response, "getting Geiszler to do something he doesn't want to is impossible."

"That's what I'm saying!"

"Similarly, getting him to stop doing something he wants might be even harder. The only reasonable conclusion is that he likes walking with you."

Bianca decides staying with her head buried is the best course of action for her friends to not see her growing blush.

"I think you killed her with facts and logic, love," Vanessa says, glancing at the brunette still trying to become one with the table.

"I don't think she'd recognize those if they hit her in the face," Hermann says, and Bianca isn't sure, but she thinks she can hear him smiling.

Bianca rights herself up and guffaws. "Um, rude? I'm right here."

"I know." Bianca can now see, clear as day, Hermann's toothy grin. She glares at him.

"Yes, we know," Newton says, nonchalantly plopping himself on the empty space beside Bianca. Impossibly, her face grows hotter. "What do we know?"

Vanessa's eyes glint with what can only be described as mischief. "We know that you've been walking Bianca to her classes."

Newt stops; a stolen fry from Bianca's plate halfway to his mouth. "Oh yeah," he clears his throat, "I have a class close by."

Hermann squints at him. "That's not true."

Newt smiles with ease, "Of course it is, I just didn't tell you."

Bianca gives Vanessa a triumphant smile, completely missing the panicked look Newt sends to Hermann.

Vanessa’s confidence doesn’t waver though and it makes Bianca hesitate for a second.

“It is awfully kind of you, though, very…” She pretends to look for the word, staring at Bianca the whole time, “chivalrous.”

Bianca has to count to ten to keep herself in her seat. Newt laughs nervously, completely oblivious to the murderous vibes radiating from the five-foot-tall woman next to him.

“I mean,” he chuckles, “I wouldn’t say that, I’m just being a good friend.”

Vanessa is not one to give up though, “Still, the walking in the sunset holding hands? Very romantic.”

Bianca startles, “How did you- Who told you we- We don’t-”

Vanessa smiles, “You guys are holding hands right now, figured it was out of habit.”

Both Bianca and Newt turn to look and indeed, they are. Suddenly there’s silence and the dinner feels almost impossibly hot. Neither of them lets go.

Vanessa stands up with the smugness of someone who just got an A on a final exam. “Well, I have a class and I would hate to be late, Hermann, walk with me?”

The aforementioned stands up comically fast and they both start to walk away, purposefully hand in hand. Vanessa looks over her shoulder at the two very awkward forms avoiding eye contact.

“See ya later lovebirds!”

《 . . . 》

Taglist: @glitched-ships, @logixlight, @fangedwife, @werewolfpine, @www-gin-ca, @sugarmapleships, @fool-shipps, @blackbirdcrime, @raynards-rambles, @autumn-ships

#they are dumb yourhonor #r: newton geiszler #p: hermann gottlieb #p: vanessa gottlieb #otp: groupies #s/i: bianca cabrera #sship.txt #otp.txt #plat.txt

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demonsonthemoon · 6 years ago

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Veni, Vedi - Chapter 2

Fandom: Pacific Rim Pairings: Eventual Newt/Hermann/Vanessa Word Count: 5075 Summary: Everything changed after they collapsed the Breach. Newt lost the thing he had dedicated his life to. Hermann lost all of his certainties, and gained a family. Vanessa found something to hope for again. And, somehow, all of their lives got tangled together.

Also available on AO3.

Newt

He knew where he was, but the scanner still felt too small and too dark. Newt was sweating, and the smell reminded him of hundreds of bodies pressed close to him as they listened to the sounds of destruction just above their heads. As they waited for the verdict on whether they would live or die. The vibrations of the scanner added to the illusion, resembling a little too much for comfort the tremors caused by giant footsteps.

Still. Newt knew where he was. He could deal with it. He was a rockstar. He had survived drifting with a kaiju. He wasn't going to be scared by something as silly as a CT scan.

He started looking for songs he knew by heart, singing them in his head and adapting his breathing to their rhythm.

In the time it took for the scan to be completed, he had gone through a few pop songs, the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody and some of the old rock classics his uncle used to listen to. He had also realized he still remembered some of the German punk numbers he had held onto as a token of home during his time at MIT, and that he could still sing one of the Code Geass openings, despite having never learned to speak Japanese. He had always meant to get to it someday, had even seriously considered it between his fourth and fifth doctorates. But languages were hard. Like, stupidly hard, for some reason. And he was still bilingual, so that should count for something, even if his German had become saddeningly limited.

Singing helped to distract him, for a while. But he still wanted to move. He needed to move like he needed to breathe. He knew he shouldn't, he knew that it would only make things worse because he would be forced to re-do the scan from the start. But rationality didn't stop all of his instincts from thinking that he needed to get out, claw his way out and into the open, where he could see threats coming and defend himself

“Nope. Not doing this, buddy,” Newt told himself, unable to think of another song he knew the words to. “You're not a predator. You're a tiny human with terrible eyesight and the muscles of a six-year old. So you're going to be a good boy and lie in this tube without moving a finger, and you're going to be fine.”

This scan was stupid anyway. There was almost no chance that their neurological readings would have gotten back to baseline in just a night, but there was also no chance that anybody in the Shatterdome would be able to analyse the results. They had nothing to compare them to, because nobody had drifted with a freaking hivemind before.

Sure, people could make theories. But you would need a genius to be able to come even close to the truth. A genius who knew the way the drift system worked like the back of her hand.

They would need a genius like Caitlin Lightcap, the woman who had first made the drift work. They needed Caitlin Lightcap, but Lightcap was dead, because humanity couldn't have nice things.

Hermann and Newt himself were probably the next best things but... Newt wasn't sure he was up to the task, if he was quite honest. The kaiju might be gone, the War might have been won, but Newt wasn't sure he had ever been more scared than now.

He had been the one to set up the PONs system that enabled the threeway, interspecies drift. He knew how bad his own situation could be. Normal systems enabled communication between two similar, compatible consciousnesses and the neutral, blank pseudo-consciousness of the Jaeger. But for his drift with the kaiju, Newt had needed to lower the compatibility threshold and allow for a much heavier flow of data than would have been normally treated. Alien data, which had flooded his and Hermann's brains. How much had their neural pathways needed to adapt to be able to process even a fragment of this data? Would these adaptations be permanent or not?

And what if Hannibal Chau had been right? What if Otachi had really been looking for him through the remnants of their drift connection? Did it mean that he and Hermann could still be connected to the Hive?

Would the connection be able to hold even with the Breach closed? Newt guessed that Hermann might have opinions about that, since he had spent so long studying the Breach's structure. He should ask, sometime. Maybe Hermann would be nice enough to lie and tell him that the probability wasn't high enough to worry about. Ah. It was a nice thought to entertain.

Newt wondered how well Hermann was handling the situation. He didn't seem to realize the mannerisms he had picked up from Newt's side of the drift. Newt wasn't sure if Hermann was aware of how dangerous this could be. If they were being so heavily influenced by each other just from one drift together, the effects of the kaiju could be counted on to be much worse.

Grimly, Newt considered the fact that he had drifted with the kaiju twice.

The soft ping and crackling of the intercome that let him know his scan was over came at just the right moment. Newt genuinely wasn't sure if he would have been able to stay still for much longer.

The machine slowly opened, and he had to blink several times against the harsh fluorescent lights of the room. Once he was handed his glasses, he avoided the gazes of all the medical staff, whispered a quick thank you, and got out of the room as quickly as his wobbly legs would allow.

The medical staff weren't a threat. There was nothing there for him to claw through. He was safe, he was fine and, most importantly, he was human. Yeah. He was rocking this.

Done with his second scan, Newt walked to the mess hall to grab something to eat that wasn't soy milk and stale biscuits. He was hoping to see Hermann there, but either the man wasn't done with his own medical tests, or he had already headed back to his room or the lab. It wouldn't be atypical behaviour.

As he looked around the room, searching with increasing desperation for someone who wasn't there, Newt was hit by a sense of longing so sudden and powerful that he almost dropped his tray. Sitting down at the nearest empty table, he took some time to assess his own feelings.

He was thinking of a woman. A woman in her early twenties, with dark skin and long braided hair. He recognized her as Vanessa, Hermann's wife, although a much younger Vanessa than the woman Newt had met a few years ago. The Vanessa of then had had her hair shaved close, and wore contact lenses instead of the oval glasses Newt could now imagine her with.

This was Hermann's Vanessa. This was Hermann's memory of the Vanessa he had met at university. The sense of longing he had felt was Hermann's own desire to see his wife again.

Newt felt sick. This wasn't something he should have been privy too. This wasn't something Hermann would ever have thought to share. It was one thing to have glimpsed some of the man's memories in the flow of the drift, but another thing entirely to be experiencing Hermann's most private feelings outside of it.

Fuck.

His food was looking a lot less appetizing than it had just a few minutes ago. He toyed with it for a while, lost in thoughts that weren't his. The more he tried not to pry, the more Hermann's memories flooded into his mind.

Twenty minutes and a splitting headache later, Newt shoveled all of his food into his mouth as fast as he could, not caring about how any of it tasted, and put his dirty tray in a dedicated rack.

He was three steps away from the door when a hand on his upper arm stopped him.

“Hey man! We missed you at the party yesterday!”

The voice belonged to Tendo Choi, who was looking exhausted but happy. Newt could sympathize with the first part at least.

“How are you holding up?”

Newt tried to answer and let out a nervous laugh instead. Tendo frowned for a second, so Newt was quick to put on a smile and pretend that nothing had happened. “Me and Hermann got stuck in Medical all night. Supposedly so they could keep an eye on our brain chemistry and make sure we didn't die. I personnally think it was just because the medical staff wanted to hoard more alcohol for themselves. They were in pretty bad shape this morning.”

Tendo relaxed, letting out a laugh of his own. “Well, you're welcome to my quarters tonight if you want. We're having a small-scale repeat of last night with Raleigh and Mako, because they were stuck in the Med Bay too yesterday.”

“I'll... I'll think about it,” Newt said awkwardly. The day before, he would have given anything to go to the party. Right now, he felt shaken. His head was killing him, and he wasn't sure alcohol was advisable in such conditions. “Thanks, man.”

“You're welcome, brother,” Tendo replied, patting him on the shoulder. “Shit, I should be thanking you. You went out on the field during the first attack. Freaking saved the world. That took some guts.”

Newt let out another nervous laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I have no idea what I was fucking thinking.” He could still smell the sweat that had trickled down his face as Otachi came down on the bunker. He could feel his muscles locked in place by fear as a glowing blue tongue swept through the air, looking for him, it's looking for him, he knows it, he's gonna die, he's gonna die, he's gonna-

And there was another question for him. How many of his symptoms were caused by PTSD instead of by the process of drifting, and how would he ever learn to make the difference between them?

“Still. Saved the world. Not many people reckless enough to do that.”

Tendo's tone was reassuring. It felt like he could see that Newt was building up a façade, and like he guessed at least part of what was hiding behind it. It wouldn't be surprising considering how close Tendo had been to some of the Jaeger pilots. A pilot without trauma was more the exception than the rule.

“I'm a rockstar.” The words came out more self-depricating than confident, but Newt's smile did turn genuine after a second. After all, he truly had done it. He truly had saved the world. Maybe he'd fucked two of this generation's greatest brains in the process, but who had to know that? He was a rockstar. Yeah.

“See you later then, starboy!” Tendo said with a grin, before leaving him to grab his lunch.

Newt started walking again. He wasn't sure exactly of where he was going. Earlier, he had just wanted to be out of the Medical Bay, and it had been time for lunch so that had seemed like a logical option, but now... He knew going into the city would be too high a risk. First because of the damage done to the infrastructures and the risk of Kaiju Blue contamination, and then because it would trigger too many memories of Otachi and Hannibal Chau. Tendo had called him reckless and... Well, yeah. He was. He had drifted with a piece of kaiju brain using a custom system he had built out of old tech he'd had to steal. If “reckful” had been a word, his actions definitely wouldn't have fit the definition. But even if he was reckless, Newt wasn't stupid. He knew that he had his own limits.

He wondered if it wouldn't be better to just go back to his room and get some more rest but... it would feel too empty. Too impersonal. Too much like being alone, which he technically was, but that didn't mean he wanted to feel it.

That only left one option, really.

Entering the lab felt like releasing a breath he'd been holding. It felt like coming home. Which was kind of sad, Newt guessed, but could anyone blame him? This is where he had spent most of his time for the last ten years. Maybe not this lab specifically, but all labs had a similar quality to them.

Newt looked around, at the different vats with floating organs, and at Hermann's dusty blackboard.

There was still work to do.

That, too, felt like coming home. Vanessa

Her phone started ringing, and she slipped across the floor and almost fell in her haste to grab it. It wasn't her proudest moment. But she had been waiting for this.

It wasn't that Vanessa's life revolved around her husband. Quite the opposite. For years, it had revolved around anything and everything but him. Vanessa wasn't going to feel guilty about being so excited to finally talked to the man she loved, not after all the times she had wished he had been there as she aimlessly wandered through her small apartment.

“Hello?” She said as she picked up.

“'Nessa.” Hermann said her name like it was the answer to a riddle. Like it was the exhale after the first puff of a cigarette. He said her name, and just like that Vanessa knew that he missed her just as much as she missed him.

“Hello Hermann.”

She felt tears well up in her eyes. She wondered if she could blame them on a hormone imbalance due to her pregnancy. She was hearing his voice. She was hearing his voice but, unlike all the previous times they had called each other, they had time to talk now. They had time to think. Time to plan. All of time was unfolding before them, because it was over.

So, now that they had the time, instead of rushing through everything they had to say to each other, they took a minute just to listen to each other's breathing. Vanessa closed her eyes. Even though they were hundreds of miles away from each other, the moment felt intimate, precious. They were there, and they were alive.

“It's real, right?” Vanessa asked, breaking the silent. “It's true?”

“Yes. It's over. We won the Kaiju War.”

“Thank you.” Vanessa felt more tears building behind her eyes. She knew she wouldn't be able to hold them back for the entirety of this conversation. “Thank you for everything you've done. I... I hated it. I hate you being away. I hated knowing you were in danger. It was so selfish, but I hated it and I... I was so scared that we would lose. That we would all die. I was so scared that we would have lived apart for so long and then just died, on two different continents. But now...” She sat down on her couch and hugged her knees close to her chest with one arm, phone cradled between her ear and her shoulder. “Now I'm glad. I'm glad you did all that. Because you saved the world.”

“I didn't do it on my own, 'Nessa. I played but a small part. There were so many other there. So many others who...”

Hermann cut himself off and Vanessa closed her eyes. “I know. I know Hermann. We'll remember them. I will remember them. But not right now.” A first tear slid down her cheek. “Right now I just want to be selfish a little longer. Right now I want to think about all of those who are alive. We'll have time to remember later. But those who... those who sacrificed themselves. They wanted us to have a future. So I think... I think they would agree. We need to learn how to live in that future first.”

Hermann stayed silent for a few seconds on the other side of the world.

“It feels like a prayer that has been answered. We won the Kaiju War and you're gonna have a baby.”

Vanessa laughed. The sound escaped her mouth like a frightened deer.

Hermann had once explained how he could not not believe in a higher power. Too much of the world made sense for there to be no Rule . He did not, however, believe in any kind of god in the most usual sense of the term. He did not believe in prayer or church rituals. He did not believe in personal gods.

Still, Vanessa had a sense that he had his own ways of trying to communicate with the divine. In the way she imagined his own theology, she thought that the Rule, the power and sense of the universe wanted to be understood. Through his work, Hermann was doing his best to make that wish come true.

“I know. I hope so. None of this feels real.”

She was so happy. She could hear so much hope in Hermann's voice. She had needed that reassurance that she had made the right choice.

After all, when she had decided to keep the baby, it had been mostly her own decision. They had talked about having children before, but those conversations had felt like lifetimes ago, like old daydreams, once they had started losing the War. She hadn't been sure, not entirely, that the Hermann of today would still share the same dreams as the Hermann of ten years ago.

Now she knew. Hermann's voice had curled around the word “baby” with awe and with joy, and she knew that the child would be wanted. It wouldn't just be her own selfish dream. It would be theirs.

Silence settled again. Vanessa could think of none of the thousand things she had wanted to say. It was all lost under the weight of so many years of silence and distance.

Finally, she managed to ask a question.

“Are you coming back?”

Hermann sighed, and Vanessa's chest constricted. She had expected this.

“I'm gonna try. But... I'm still under the PPDC's authority. What's left of it. And... there's still work. There's still work to do.”

“There's always work to do, Hermann.” It was a bit of a reproach, but Vanessa hadn't been able to hold herself back.

“I know. Trust me, I know, and I'm gonna try. I miss you so much. But they... I'm needed. There's only two of us in K-Science but there's still so much to do... I can't just leave, not... not right away.”

“I know.” She meant it, even though it hurt. She knew how much his work meant to him. She could never have married him if she hadn't known that. She admired this part of him, even when it broke her heart. And she knew how much this work meant to the world. How important it was.

She wondered what would have happened to her, if she had turned down her first modeling gig, or stopped doing it once she didn't need it to pay for her studies anymore. She wondered what would have happened if she had started working as an engineer, or gone into research. She couldn't imagine herself not being crushed by the pressure of it all.

Not that her job wasn't demanding. It asked for the best of her, always. But science didn't just demand that you do your best. It required that you be right. You could work for years and not succeed, and it wouldn't be your fault. But science would take no pity.

“But soon,” Hermann continued. “As soon as I can, Vanessa, I promise.”

“Okay.”

Another moment of silence.

“Tell me how it happened. I want to know how you saved the world.”

Hermann

Hermann leant back in his chair and looked at the bare metal walls of his Shatterdome room. This had been what he had called home for the last ten years.

What a miracle it was, that he had even survived.

Hearing Vanessa's voice, her curiosity and love, Hermann was truly hit by everything he had missed during all this time. He had been busy enough not to feel too homesick, but thinking of going home, to a real home that was personal, it made him ache with want now. He wanted to become a person again, not just a tool, not just a soldier.

He thought of Newton, then. Maybe this was something Hermann had previously refused to see in the man: that his exuberance and loudness was partly a defense mechanism to stay human, to stay himself. Newton didn't like rules. He needed freedom like he needed air. Hermann knew, now. He knew how much it had hurt, being told how to behave, how to dress, how to talk. Hermann knew, now, how much Newt had hated it, how much of himself he had sacrificed just because he was needed, just because he knew he was the best person for this job and this job needed to be done perfectly.

Now, though. Now they were free. And a reckless part of Hermann was telling him to run. That part might have been Newton, or it might have something Hermann would have liked to blame on Newton. There was no telling and, either way, Hermann thought it didn't really matter now. The person he was today would forever be altered by the thought processes and gestures he had acquired from his colleague during the drift. Purity of selfhood was a myth, and he had other things to put energy into than to keep it alive.

Like this newfound freedom.

Hermann wanted to run, to leave the Shatterdome behind, to leave the dead behind, to flee from all the memories. He wanted to see his wife again and pretend that they were still who they had been ten years ago, that their promises still rang with the same truth.

But he knew he couldn't. He knew he wouldn't forgive himself if he did. Hermann knew what the right thing to do was. He could rationalise his purpose. And that meant he had to stay a while longer.

“Hermann?” Vanessa asked, voice tinged with worry. “Are you okay?”

She had asked a question. Yes. Hermann didn't know where to begin.

“I just... a lot... A lot of things happened. I don't know how to tell you all of it.”

“It's okay. You don't have to. If you don't want to.”

But he did want to tell her. He wanted to tell her everything, and for her to understand him like he didn't seem to understand himself anymore.

“You must have learned the big lines of it through the news. A team of Jaeger was sent to drop a nuclear bomb into the Breach and collapse its structure. It was supposed to be a four-Jagers drop, but we lost Cherno Alpha and Crimson Typhoon during the first double event and...”

He told her about Gypsy Danger and Striker Eureka. About Hercules Hansen's broken arm, and how Marshal Pentecost had taken his place despite knowing it would cost him his life. He had to backtrack and tell her about Newton's first drift with the piece of kaiju brain. It was awful, re-living this moment in two perspective, his own fear for his colleagues mingling with the primal horror Newt had felt at the scale of his discovery. The feeling of his own body seizing, and Newton's in his arms. He told her as fast as he could, hiding his desperation, hiding his fear of being abandoned, of being left alone again.

Then he told her about Otachi's baby, the need for a second drift, but a safer one. The need for someone able to find and decode the data humanity needed to survive.

He told her, matter-of-factly, how he had agreed to drift with Newton. He didn't tell her how, really, he had been the one asking, begging him to stay alive. He didn't tell her about how surprised he had been at his own behavior. He had never thought he had that kind of courage, not really. He had enough courage to resist things. To stand his ground. Enough courage to face what his peers thought of him and not budge in his principles.

But he wasn't the kind of man who plunged into the unknown.

Except he had.

Part of his thoughts had been full of doubt. What if it doesn't work what if it kills him what if we're not compatible what if it makes things worse what if he sees things he shouldn't what if the world ends anyway what if-

The other part had only been cold certainty. Certainty that Newton would die if he drifted alone. Certainty that his plan would work, if only they had enough information. Certainty that the best person to recognize the right information was him. Certainty that they had to be Drift Compatible. Years of proximity had taught him that.

“What was it like?” Vanessa asked. “Drifting?”

Hermann didn't tell her that the first thing he had glimpsed in the mess of thoughts and emotions had been fear and heartache.

“Like being underwater,” he said instead. “Like being completely submerged under information and knowing that if you release your breath you'll drown. It's not just... You don't just hear thoughts or see memories. I was him. I was the kaiju. I had access to the entirety of a completely different existence as if it had always been my own. I was feeling what they'd been feeling, thinking what they'd been thinking. The kaiju...”

He had to stop to gather his thoughts. Looking into his memories of the drift was like staring into the sun. It was intense enough to be painful.

“They're connected between themselves. The whole species. We didn't just... we didn't just drift with one of them. We were all of them.”

For a second, Hermann was glad Vanessa wasn't in the room. His hand was shaking just thinking about it.

“One human consciousness is already a universe onto itself. It's vast and complex. Kaiju... they might not have dreams, like we do... But they know pain. They know fear. They know rage and hunger. Their lives are painful, and short. And I came to know many of them, all more horrific than the next, in just one instant. I've felt all their lives and their deaths.” He breathed, in and out. “And through them, the precursors.”

“The precursors?”

Of course, Vanessa wouldn't know about them. No one knew about them except him, Newton and Hercules Hansen, now that Marshall Pentecost was dead. Perhaps Raleigh Becket, if he had glimpsed enough of the Anteverse.

“Other... beings. From their world. I can't...” Hermann thought of eyes watching him, judging him, of pain across his body as he was sculpted to please this being, as a consciousness whispered to him and urged him to destroy destroy destroy. “I can't...”

“It's okay,” Vanessa whispered through the phone. Hermann breathed again. “You're okay.”

“We found the information we needed. In the drift. We found out why all of our previous attacks had failed. You need a key for the Breach to let you go down its throat. You need a kaiju's genetic code.”

“Wow. How did you do that?”

“Gypsy Danger and Striker Eureka were already engaged by the time we managed to let them know. Striker... Ranger Hansen and Marshal Pentecost sacrificed themselves. They detonated the nuclear bomb that had been meant for the Breach to eliminate the kaiju that had been protecting it. Gypsy Danger's core was nuclear so... Rangers Mori and Becket fought with the last surviving kaiju and dragged it through the Breach so they would be able to cross it as well. Then they detonated their core. They were the only rangers to survive.”

Grieve later, Vanessa had said. But even she seemed shaken.

“You wanted to know.” Hermann felt exhaustion settle into his bones, even though it was only midday.

“I want to go back to Berlin.”

The statement was so surprising in this context that he jolted a little. “What?”

“England is just... I'm glad I got to be with my family through all of this but... This country is too full of ghosts. I think I want to go back to Germany. But not... Only if you want to as well.”

“I hadn't... I hadn't thought about it. But we can try to find a new place while I'm still in Hong Kong. And if we don't... If we don't find anything I guess we could always stay with Karla for a little while.”

His sister Karla lived on the edge of the city, in a house she shared with her girlfriend and another couple. Hermann got on very well with her, and would love to see her again, but he also knew that visiting her meant she would push him to see the rest of their family. Whatever Karla said, and however much Hermann wanted to see his mother again, talking with his father was out of the question. Not when the man had abandoned the Jaeger Programm to support the Wall of Life project. Not when he had followed money on a path that had almost lead to the planet's extinction, and then hadn't even had the decency to apologize for it.

Still, he missed his mother and his siblings. He missed the loudness of family dinners when Dietrich's kids would play with Bastien's daughter. If they were in Berlin, maybe he could arrange something. Meet with them outside of the family house, without his father's knowledge. It wouldn't be so bad.

“I'll start looking,” Vanessa said, knowing all too well how complicated his family situation was. “I'll send you what I find.”

“I love you, Vanessa.”

She laughed at that, maybe startled at the suddenness of it. Hermann usually wasn't one for big declarations.

“I love you too.”

They hung up soon after. Hermann noticed he had unconsciously started drumming his fingers against his desk and forced himself to stop.

#Pacific Rim #Meeni writes fics #Fic: Veni Vedi #Newt/Hermann/Vanessa #Newt x Hermann x Vanessa

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partnarrative-a · 7 years ago

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HEY YO ! my muses’ list has undergone a few changes, hence under the cut you will find the latest & updated characters. some have been removed, only one has been added & two have moved blogs.

if you want to follow TARA LEWIS (from criminal minds), do it at baushrink ;

if you want to follow OWEN CARVOUR (from spies are forever), do it at chimeraproperty (blog is still under construction) ;

the new muse is HERMANN GOTTLIEB (from pacific rim) .

now, onto the list (ordered by fandom).

HARRY POTTER ( -1 )

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Minerva McGonagall

Harry Potter

James Potter

Newt Scamander

Ron Weasley

STAR WARS ( unchanged )

Finn / FN-2187

Bodhi Rook

Menkab Shipdasher / Shay (oc)

Ben Skywalker (headcanon based)

Slip / FN-2003

IZOMBIE ( unchanged )

Clive Babineaux

Ravi Chakrabarti

Major Lilywhite

Chris McMahory (oc)

INHERITANCE ( unchanged )

Saphira

Arya Dröttningu

GTA V ( unchanged )

Franklin Clinton

Michael De Santa / Townely

Trevor Philips

DISNEY ( -1 )

Balthazar Blake (the sorcerer’s apprentice)

Riley Poole (national treasure)

Dave Stutler (the sorcerer’s apprentice)

DOCTOR WHO ( unchanged )

Tenth Doctor

Eleventh Doctor

Fourteenth Doctor (semi-canon)

Jack Harkness

MUSICALS ( -3 )

Usnavi de la Vega (in the heights)

Vanessa Garcia (in the heights)

Angelica Hamilton (hamilton) (historical + semi-canon)

Mimi Marquez (rent)

CORNETTO TRILOGY ( unchanged )

Nicholas Angel (hot fuzz)

Gary King (the world’s end)

Shaun Riley (shaun of the dead)

NOW YOU SEE ME ( unchanged )

Lula May

Jack Wilder

KINGSMAN ( -1 )

Agent Tequila

Eggsy Unwin / Agent Galahad

JEKYLL & HYDE ( unchanged )

Edward Hyde

Henry Jekyll

TEAM STARKID ( unchanged )

Albus Dumbledore (a very potter trilogy)

Harry Potter (a very potter trilogy)

Ducker (firebringer)

Jemilla (firebringer)

Ja’far (twisted)

April Cogsworth (starship) (oc)

Tootsie Noodles (starship)

Henry McDoon (the trail to oregon)

Anakin “Ani” Skywalker (ani: a parody)

Clark Kent / Superman (holy musical b@man)

TIN CAN BROTHERS ( -1 )

Cluebert (the solve it squad returns)

Cynthia Houston (spies are forever)

Curt Mega (spies are forever)

Antonio Santos (spies are forever) (oc)

Tatiana Slozhno (spies are forever)

Caroline Webbs (spies are forever) (oc)

MISC. ( +1 / -3 )

Caspian X (the chronicles of narnia) (books + movies)

Nathan Drake (uncharted)

Dirk Gently (dirk gently’s holistic detective agency)

Hermann Gottlieb (pacific rim)

Jack Hallow (fandomless oc)

Indiana Jones (indiana jones)

Ned the piemaker (pushing daisies)

Rick O’Connell (the mummy) (third movie not acknowledged)

Tulip O’Hare (preacher)

Arthur Pendragon (merlin)

Tristan Thorn (stardust) (movie mainly)

Joey Tribbiani (friends)

John Watson (sherlock)

#⸨ ᴏᴏᴄ ⸩ 🢒 listen up bitchcakes | psa #// long post for ts

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lumpofcohle · 10 years ago

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imagine newt falling in love with married hermann

hermann who is in love with his wife vanessa, hermann who talks about her like she’s the light of his fucking world

newt stuffs away his feelings because hermann is [the most intelligent, determined man he’s ever spoken to/the most stuffy, pretentious cock he’s ever met/the most passionate, infuriating, incandescent human being he’s ever known]

vanessa is (so newt gathers over the years) kind and thoughtful and tall and an excellent communicator, and everything else newt is not, and in addition, many things newt is, like smart and funny

(newt isn’t funny. newt wishes he were funny)

she doesn’t, newt imagines, call hermann mocking names or belittle his work

she doesn’t deliberately annoy him just for the pleasure of it

she doesn’t push too hard, or talk too loudly, or ink herself with horrors so she won’t forget why she’s fighting

hermann calls her on the phone and grins the whole time, and it’s the most beautiful, horrible thing newt has ever seen

he wants to kiss hermann, then die of terminal selfishness

(he doesn’t actually want to die)

(he does want to kiss hermann basically all the time, though)

(you’d think newt would stop wanting to kiss hermann after a decade, but you’d be wrong. newt has an obsessive personality that makes him unstoppable at xenobiology and pathetic at learning how not to be in love with hermann gottlieb)

after the war, hermann goes home, and newt doesn’t follow him

(of course newt doesn’t follow him. in newt’s dreams, he follows him, and he wakes up hating himself)

(in some of newt’s dreams, he says ‘i love you’ and hermann says he’s always loved him, too, and they skip off into the sunset or something)

(newt hates himself even more after those dreams than after the other ones)

after two months, hermann calls him on the phone, and newt grins the whole time and misses him, misses him, misses the fighting and everything

vanessa asks to speak to newt, and he says “put her on” because what else is he going to say?

(‘if i’d met him first, could i have been with him, or would you always have won, regardless?’)

(‘i have always been the best at everything that mattered, except for this, and it’s the only thing i even want to be the best at anymore’)

her voice is warm and gentle, and newt could spend the rest of his life trying to hate her and still fail at it

vanessa asks him to come visit them, and he says, “i’ll buy a plane ticket” because what else is he going to say?

vanessa welcomes newt like he’s family. it hurts because he isn’t

"hermann never stops talking about you," vanessa tells him, and hermann flushes pink

"well, I never stop talking about him, either," newt says, and it’s supposed to be a joke but it isn’t, and he will never be good at this

newt doesn’t have a ticket home (where is home, anyway? boston? berlin? nowhere feels like home anymore) (hermann feels like home) (newt is an idiot), and newt doesn’t have responsibilities or a position to return to, so he stays for awhile

a week

two weeks

three

four

(vanessa insists that he stay just one week more, just two more, just until this concert, until that museum special exhibit)

(she doesn’t have to try very hard)

one day newt is arguing with hermann over yet another inconsequential thing, and their faces are flushed and close, and newt finds himself shouting, “why am i even here? do you even want me here?”

and hermann stops and swallows and says, very seriously, “yes. yes, i do.”

and newt wants to kiss him so badly he could cry

it hurts. newt is so close, but he will never be as close as he wants to be.

he can feel the tears welling up in his eyes, so he looks down at his bare feet in this house that will never be his

hermann cups newt’s chin and lifts it gently. “i’m sorry,” hermann whispers.

this is it, newt thinks. this is the moment when, after ten years of newt being in love with hermann, hermann finally tells him ‘i know you’re in love with me, but this can never happen’

"i should have told you before. vanessa was sure, but i was afraid."

"you don’t have to do this," newt says, and the tears finally spill over his eyes.

hermann looks terrified and determined. “i insist.”

newt closes his eyes, resigned. he’s ready for it, hermann’s version of the let’s just be best friends speech.

"i love you," hermann says instead.

newt opens his eyes.

newt blinks.

newt’s cheeks are wet, and hermann gottlieb is there, and nothing makes sense.

"vanessa assured me that you had similar feelings toward me and that i should reveal my own. was she correct, or have i made a fool of myself?"

newt can barely breathe.

(he can breathe for the first time in ten years)

"was i that obvious?" he says, finally.

hermann draws in a sharp breath through his nose

hermann kisses him

newt whimpers

their first kiss is more tender than newt had ever imagined kissing hermann could be

(if this is a dream, it’s a very detailed and unpredictable one. A+, go newt’s subconscious, 10/10 would hate-self-more-than-ever-upon-waking again)

hermann cradles his jaw like he’s something wondrous, and hermann loves him, and newt has been inches away from the bioluminescent tongue of a transdimensional alien, yet he cannot fathom kissing hermann gottlieb being part of his reality

newt pulls back to catch his breath, and hermann rests their foreheads together

"i love you, hermann," newt says. after so many years of dutifully not saying the words, they rip from him like something alive, into the warm space between them

their second kiss is far less gentle than the first. it is pain and love and years of bottled-up longing and it is sharp and perfect and yes, this is more like what newt always imagined

there are many more kisses to follow

vanessa is the most loving, open-hearted woman in the universe, and newt has never felt so grateful toward another human being

for the first time, he doesn’t have to be the best

for the first time, he can just be

#newmann #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #vanessa gottlieb #newt x hermann x vanessa #vee feels #triad feels at some point probably #ot3 #this got long #i had poly feelings and it was intense #im not crying you're crying #vanessagottliebdefensesquad #casual ableist language cw #long post #my fic #newtlieb

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