#Neil diamond does too

[dollarbin]

Mitchell Mondays #3:

Chelsea Morning

Artists cannot outperform Joni Mitchell's with her own songs. Most who attempt to do so wind up sounding like Neil Diamond: he's all bluster, bombast and bongos.

The strings here are pretty cool actually, even though they have no idea what song it is that they are appearing in. And the uncredited bass player rocks. Still, the overwhelming sense one gets is that Neil Diamond needs to shut the hell up.

Chelsea Morning may have stupefied the kids in the studio audience in Joni's live TV take, above, but it got all kinds of musicians' hearts racing back in the day. Mitchell was not yet an untouchable icon so everyone from gave her ode to a sexy summer day a go. Check out this earnest and clear headed Finish version which even tries to recreate Mitchell's ricocheting vocal gymnastics at the close:

And at least this male-led soft rock Swedish take features fewer of Diamond's swaggering spin moves:

Who can blame all these Scandanavians for giving the song a go? Chelsea Morning places perky bounce alongside rippling joy, plus it contains a singularly brilliant appeal for new love: "Oh, won't you stay, we'll put on a day and we'll talk in present tenses."

As with so many of Mitchell's early masterpieces Fairport Convention and Judy Collins were the first to take up the challenge that is Chelsea Morning.

Fairports' pre-Sandy Denny version came first. They do a seasick Beatles thing with the Ian Matthews' verses, Richard's teenage guitar playing is alternatively bold and dull, the percussion is bonkers and there's a fender bender depicted at the end: the band, who'd barely set foot outside central England at that point, seemingly imagined the Chelsea neighborhood in New York to be one big cartoon traffic jam.

I love everything Fairport touched in this era so my objectivity is suspect when I say their version is great. Even so, it surely is not the song's apex.

Judy Collins 69 version is equally busy and decidedly less cool: a rock band, which probably features Stephen Stills on bass, bongos and balogna, competes here with a bubble blowing birthday orchestra. Collins lets the song get stuck between her Wildflowers orchestral and her Who Knows Where the Time Goes light/psych rock phases. And no one in Chelsea is happy about it.

Great as Collins could be on occasion, her take simply does not work. Indeed, like every other attempt at Chelsea Morning, her cover sends us hurtling back to Joni's own unfussy, jubilant and utterly complex original solo arrangement.

It's simply Joni's song: no one else has ever really understood what it would be to stand in her posh shoes.

So maybe the key is to not even try and channel her. That possibility lead us to my favorite cover of Chelsea Morning, which comes compliments of the great bossa nova / funk act Brasil 66. Band leader Sergio Mendes, who just passed away this fall, set a smooth American, Lani Hall, at the mic in 1970 and told everyone involved to avoid swing the song without any sense of mimicry.

What emerges served as a blueprint for everyone, including Mitchell herself, who wanted to transition Joni's music away from white washed soundscapes. Mendes' piano sends nearly all of Joni's incense, jewels and curtains airborne and aloft.

The rainbow simply never washes away with this song. It's always out there, eager to shine on us. We just need to take the time to look.

[ailichi]

[Interviewer]: Which Oasis member has the strangest taste in music?

[Noel, immediately]: Him

I've been fascinated by this question for ages: every major interview, ask Liam Gallagher what music he likes, and he'll just say the Beatles and the Stone Roses, those two, and do his best to give the impression that he basically only listens to them. but in quieter interviews or when he’s just talking on camera, he’ll talk about others as well, and I've been taking some notes:

the Beatles are genuinely the be-all and end-all; understandable

[edit to add]: I don’t know what his favourite Beatles album is but it might be Revolver. when they were asked to choose between the two, Noel said the Red album and Liam said the Blue album. also, it was his suggestion that Oasis cover Within You Without You when the BBC gave them the choice of anything off of Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

the Stone Roses favourite tracks: Love Spreads, I Am the Resurrection, Sally Cinnamon (etc.) — also was into The Seahorses after the SR split

favourite post-Beatles album isn't anything of Lennon's, apparently, it's All Things Must Pass

favourite John solo song is off Double Fantasy, of course: Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)

obviously does like the Rolling Stones too: I believe that when Oasis covered Jumpin’ Jack Flash it was because it was Liam’s total favourite

loves Sex Pistols too, obviously - mentions this often

has named Quadrophenia by the Who as his favourite ever album

likes As Tears Go By by Marianne Faithful. sidenote: Marianne Faithful was Noel’s first pin-up

really likes Bo Diddley (disparate sources for this, he just mentions him frequently)

loved the Specials, even before he joined a band

loves that song, The First Cut is the Deepest, by P.P. Arnold

Led Zeppelin, obviously — mentioned When the Levee Breaks (also notice that one of his favourite Stone Roses songs is Love Spreads which is quite heavily influenced by LZ)

likes the Shangri-Las (The Leader of the Pack is on his women of rock n roll playlist)

likes the Doors, his favourite track is Mr. Mojo Risin’

loves the Kinks, especially really likes The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society, said it was “like a Lowry painting” (<3)

it’s like a dream to me that I heard he doesn’t rate Neil Young or at least was put out that Noel performed with NY + Crazy Horse in London

likes Lou Reed solo? never heard him say something about the Velvet Underground, but mentioned Perfect Day in particular

favourite Pink Floyd is Shine On You Crazy Diamond (loveable choice <3)

bit of Siouxie Sioux on his playlist of his favourite female artists :)

the Cure: “the cure for what?”

favourite album by the Jam is Sound Affects.

seems on the surface to not be mad about Paul Weller's solo stuff (or at least teases Noel for being so friendly with him), but also said: “There’s only a few songwriters that really inspire me. People like John Lennon and Paul Weller.”

chose Many Rivers to Cross by Jimmy Cliff from Jools Holland's archive when he was on in 2022

used not like Primal Scream in the very early days, but enjoyed Screamadelica (I like that he changes his mind on bands if they bring out something new that interests him)

generally lets on to be easy about the Smiths but just isn’t a superfan … likes them doesn’t love them

favourite Smiths song is The Boy with a Thorn in his Side (ah Liam <3)

on the record as saying he both likes and dislikes both Morrissey and Johnny Marr as solo artists

mentioned Electronic quite warmly (this was in 1994)

loves that Vaselines song that Nirvana covered, Jesus Don't Want Me For a Sunbeam

loves everything Richard Ashcroft has done, and seems to prefer the softer songs - a Song for the Lovers, Break the Night with Colour …

had the fairest U2 take I’ve ever heard, to paraphrase: “they’re pretty good but they were the biggest thing in the universe there for a few years, and to merit that they really should’ve been just a little bit better” (2019)

the Strokes: Liam says Noel and himself saw them, together, in San Francisco, when they were just starting out (‘setting up their own equipment’). probably the 7th of August 2001. I don’t get the impression he was overly taken with them. “Good songs but not classics”.

[emeritus-fuckers]

Random idea as long as I'm allowed to make two requests, if not delete/ignore this, but the papas, nihil and seestor playing video games with reader!

nihil is one of the papas, you don't have to specify you want him too lol - rat

Papas and Sister Imperator playing video games with their s/o

Primo (he/him)

He doesn't really play himself, but he's very willing to watch.

He likes two types of games: the ones where you get to build, farm and make friends (The Sims series, Minecraft, Stardew Valley) and games where choices matter and there's a mystery to be solved (Detroit: Become Human, Baldur's Gate 3, Life is Strange).

If you play games where you get to build, he asks if you'd mind letting him give you design ideas, as he was always interested in architecture. Your in-game houses never looked better, he's an excellent architect.

He also memorizes all the gifts and recipees from Stardew Valley for you. Considers it a good brain excercise.

With the other kind of games, he is fascinated by all the options they offer and the concept of morality.

Although he does think Detroit: Become Human got way out of hand with the plot. It was one of the few times you heard him mutter cursewords in Italian.

He does enjoy Neil Newbom's performance in games, though. He's the only reason Primo bought you Resident Evil: Village and insisted you play together.

Secondo (he/him)

Well, he does like classic arcades.

And surprisingly, it doesn't take long for him to grow familiar with a joystick. So if you have a console, he's pretty good at it after a few days.

He's weirdly good and Doom. It's very concerning how good he is at Doom.

And MovieStarPlanet. This man spent so much money on MovieStarPlanet it's insane.

He needs his character to look fabulous, after all. He will actually make it a point of pride that his character is dressed better than yours.

He plays as a female character, by the way.

Naturally, he played the Barbie games, too. His favorite is The Barbie Diaries: High School Mystery.

Terzo (he/they)

Terzo is rather decent at classic platformers, like the original Mario Brothers game or the old Sonic games.

You show them a dating simulator and the bastard is obsessed.

He gets a new phone just to have more dating simulator games on his phone.

This is all fine and dandy until he he gets his hands on Mystic Messenger and stayed up at nights to play the night chatrooms.

On maximum volume. On maximum brightness.

Needless to say, Omega was not amused. Neither were you.

It gets even weirder when Terzo starts throwing around phrases in Korean that they learned from the game.

Korean with a very thick Italian accent.

Omega is losing his mind, especially after Terzo, having not gotten enough sleep one night, accidentally tried to perform a ritual from the Arcana, rather than the one he was supposed to.

You both end up on technology detox as Omega insists it's crucial for you two to touch grass.

Copia (he/him)

We all remember him playing Driving Miss Daisy.

We also all remember that he sucked at playing Driving Miss Daisy.

He's good at co-op games, though!

Like Minecraft or Raft. Or even Stardew Valley (that one mod is forever in my heart).

Especially Minecraft. Copia yearns for the mines.

You find a bigger hill or a mountain in the game? He insists to dig a room in it as your first base.

You leave for a bathroom break and suddenly Copia's wearing diamond armor and you have a giant underground empire.

You know he didn't cheat, he doesn't even know how to input cheats in the game.

He's the same in Stardew Valley. He was at the bottom of the mine with the original pickaxe and a crappy sword in less than a week in-game.

Science can't explain how he did that. Or why the mines is the only thing he's good at in those games. He sucks at everything else, he is a mines-only boy.

Old Nihil (he/him)

He is not going anywhere near the computer after Swiss and Sunshine showed him Five Nights At Freddy's.

He is not risking that shit again.

He will sit in the corner of the room and sulk if you play video games while he's around.

Young Nihil (he/him)

Even in his youth, he was older than video games and not very smart.

He gets way too distressed about the games so you put him on a gaming ban for the sake of both his and your own sanity.

He does like watching you play, though. Especially as he cuddles up to you.

He keeps complimenting you while you play. He's proud of you!

Young Sister Imperator (she/her)

She would not have the time.

As much as she loves you, it's almost always a no.

She doesn't mind if you play something while you're together, she's just... not gonna have the time to actually play.

Although considering it's the 60s, it's probably more likely to assume she just hears about you going on about arcades.

Which she doesn't mind, even if the games seem completely absurd to her.

Old Sister Imperator (she/her)

She will die of embarassment if anyone finds out, but she's a sucker for old Pokémon games.

She even has the first generation Pokédex memorized.

You leard that by accident while looking for mods for Minecraft and she automatically quotes the Bulbasaur Pokédex entry as you gush over the cute creature.

She's embarassed to say the least. You totally use it as blackmail on her.

And pay for it in the bedroom.

(Step on me in those red heels of yours Seestor please.)

~

Written by Nosferatu.

[unknownperson246]

baeee can u do a fic w vince neil x reader where they r like best friends but he ends up falling for her <33 smut & fluff

Hiiii sorry it took so long but here it is!!! Enjoy 💋💋

Dinner Fun

words: 1,011

warnings: *smut* *fluff* *p in v* *dirty talk* *sex in a rush* *a bit of degradation*

Vince is staring at you with fondness in his eyes. He appreciates you being there and taking care of him after he left Motley Crue in 1992. It was a hard decision for him to make because he loved Nikki, Mick, and Tommy. He felt cherished and loved by you especially after you guys were just friends you guys did it one day and it felt amazing. One day you step outside of your house. You see Vince in his convertible. Vince steps out of his car and hands you a bouquet of white and red roses as a thank-you gift for taking care of him when he needed it the most.

“Hi Y/N I just wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me after the Motley fiasco”. 

The bouquet of red and white roses has a note attached.

“Hi Y/N I was wondering if you would want to go out on a date maybe sometime?” Vince asks on the note.

“Yes! Vince I would love to know what time you were thinking?” you ask excitedly. 

“Maybe around 6:00 pm this Tuesday at my place?” Vince asks y/n.

“That works great!” y/n says with a huge smile on her face she is blushing too.

*Tuesday arrives*

Earlier on Tuesday afternoon around 2:00, Vince is excited and he sets everything up. He puts unlit red candles on his fancy white dining table underneath the fancy diamond chandelier. He panics as he has no idea what to make for y/n and himself.

“What would y/n like?” Vince asks himself neurotically.

“Oh, I got it! She likes chicken. Maybe I can make us chicken parmesan with pasta and a glass of white wine.” he says excitedly. 

He quickly finishes preparing for dinner. He makes all the food around 5:30 and you arrive by 5:50.The doorbell goes off and Vince quickly makes his way to his front door.

“Hey Vince,” you say as you smile at him softly.

“Hi Y/N,” Vince says softly.

Vince immediately lets his arm out to your hand gently pulling you inside his massive mansion. It was huge. You had seen it before but it looked more amazing today as it was your first date with Vince. Vince offers you a beverage.

“Y/N what would you like to drink?” he asks.

“Do you have white wine or red wine?” you ask. 

He says he has both and pulls out both of your options in front of you. 

“Can I have red wine please?” You ask Vince softly.

“Sure, you can even have both if you want,” he says.

Now that you both have your beverages he pulls your chair out and he already has prepared both of your guy’s plates.

You seem tense and you have something on your mind and Vince does too but he is not sure if he wants to take that step because he is convinced you want to take it slow. He is accompanied by the thought of you wanting to take it nice and easy with him before you guys do it.

You guys want to do it so badly but you guys are nervous that one of you doesn't want to do it yet.

You guys take a few bites of your dinner and converse about what you guys want to do with your life now that Vince quit Motley Crue and now that you're in his life. You guys both can’t take it anymore you guys want to fuck each other so bad but you guys don't catch each other's hints. 

“Vince, I need to talk to you about something that has been on my mind for a long time. Remember when we did it last time ever since then I couldn't wait until we did it again. I need you Vince can we please” you wine to him?

Vince has been waiting eagerly for these words.

“I feel the same way darling lets head to my room upstairs and fuck till midnight,” he says excitedly.

You guys both abandon your plate of food on the dining table and you find your way upstairs to the bedroom. Neither of you guys wanted to waste time so he starts by kissing on your collarbone. He slips your dress off like he was desperate you were being risky when going over to his place for the date not sure if you guys were going to fuck you did have your underwear on. He starts to degrade you and starts to rub your clit when you had your underwear on. He could feel how wet you were.

“I see that you're wet for me my whore” he says in an alluring voice.

He unzips his pants and he does not waste time as he smacks his cock against your wet pussy that was throbbing for him. 

“Let me feel that tight pussy” he grunts

“It's all yours Vince” you moan as he says those sweet words.

He stops smacking his dick on your clit. He wants to tease you so he goes down to your pussy and he licks a stripe on your clit. He stops there and makes you more wet. He finally decides that it's enough and he flips you and your back is now facing him and he sticks the tip of his dick in your entrance. You want to cum just at that. He starts painfully slowly as he picks his pace up.

“Oh Vince” you moan loudly 

Your back starts to arch and he goes faster in your pussy. He goes faster and it's easy as he goes faster because it's slick from how wet your pussy was for him.

“Vince” you moan heavily.

Your pussy tightens around his dick.

  “cum for me my whore and ill cum for you”

You guys end up cumming together and he takes his final thrusts inside of you and he takes his cock out and says.

“Let's finish dinner princess”

[asunsetgrace16]

Karaoke ⎥ Chicago Blackhawks

As per usual, I went with the players that I know. I have no idea what their music preferences are, this is purely based off vibes. This what I think the Chicago Blackhawk's go-to karaoke songs are.

masterlist

Connor Bedard - he knows every word to 'We Didn't Start the Fire' by Billy Joel for some reason that he never tells anybody. He is dared to sing it one day because it's an older song, so he does it perfectly and surprises every person in the room

Colin Blackwell - 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift. 100%

Jason Dickinson - a stunning rendition of 'Vienna' by Billy Joel

Ryan Donato - keeps it classic with 'Don't Stop Believin'' by Journey. It's very mid, but not bad

MacKenzie Entwistle - a horribly off-key version of 'Livin' on a Prayer' by Bon Jovi

Nick Foligno - claims he is too old for karaoke but sticks with the classics too and goes with either 'Hotel California' by Eagles or 'Under Pressure' by Queen

Taylor Hall - there's about a 55% chance he sings something Nickleback and the other 45% is 'Love Like This' by BlackHawk for some sentimental reason

Seth Jones - something Katy Perry, I feel like. No reason, just a feeling. More than likely it's 'Firework'

Kevin Korchinski - either something by Zach Bryan or a 'The Last Saskatchewan Pirate' by Captain Tractor duet with Reese Johnson (please tell me somebody will get it)

Philipp Kurashev - adorably accented version of 'Call Me Maybe' by Carly Rae Jepsen. Everybody loves it

Petr Mrazek - first an enthusiastic attempt at 'Dream On' by Aerosmith, then plays it safe with 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond, met with applause and sing-along

Connor Murphy - also claims he's too old for karaoke, then proceeds to whip the most excellent cover of 'It's My Life' by Bon Jovi out of his back pocket and absolutely floors everybody

Alex Vlasic - 'Shut Up and Dance' by Walk the Moon or 'Stacy's Mom' by Fountains of Wayne. Or some other 2000's hit

[drconstellation]

Inside the Dirty Donkey

**Warning! This meta contains spoilers and speculation for S3. Do NOT tag Neil!**

Time to get comfy, folks. Get your drink of choice, be it a cupperty, coffee, or nip of sherry, and find a seat. You’ll definitely want to be sitting down for this one. We’re going to the pub!

The name is apparently a favorite of NG’s, used in his short story “We Can Get Them For You Wholesale.” And it also appears in the Sandman AU.

In the short story above the protagonist is a jilted lover who tries to organize an assassin for his fiancé who is having an affair with another man at their shared workplace. He meets the ‘salesman’ of the firm he contacts at a pub called the Dirty Donkey, and it escalates from there. The story is freely available online, so you can search it up if you really want to read it, it won’t take long. It mentions a pale horse, which is usually what Death rides in on, and is appropriate in the context of that story.

The question we need to ask is how does the name The Dirty Donkey apply to the Good Omens AU? Are there any context to the name at all?

There are several meanings for a dirty donkey:

Its a slang or joke name for a black horse (not particularly a dark horse, that has a different meaning altogether)

A cocktail

A sex position (I’ll let you look that one up yourself…)

Probably the first thing we need to talk about, though is an actual donkey itself, in relation to Jesus, as S2 is full of Jesus references and hints to the Second Coming in S3. Yep, it was all there in front of us, but we were too focused on other things. If you remember your Bible teachings, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, because he came in peace. In ancient times leaders rode horses if they went to war, or if they came in conquest. But arriving by donkey meant you came with peaceful intentions.

But Jesus didn't turn up in S2, you say. And certainly not on any hairy beast. Ah, but he did - metaphorically. Gabriel as Jim turned up - he came up the street, by (the Dirty) Donkey, walking through spilled blood tomatoes, then mentioned his arms were no longer sore (because he had been taken off the cross.) MrPeriod talks more about how Jim represents Jesus here, and it might be worth revisiting it at length another time, as there is quite a bit to unpack there.

There are also the two big golden lions perched on either end of the bar inside the pub, that look rather ominous. The lions are strongly connected to Jesus and his resurrection, representing his return. (I'm still planning to have a better look for more lions in both S1 and S2, but that is still a WIP at the moment.)

There is also the scene in 1941 where the Nazi zombies stagger into the Dirty Donkey and spy on Aziraphale and Crowley through the windows through to the book shop, but all they manage to get is “Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace with a dash of nutmeg.” It sounds a bit like a cocktail reference – well, the nutmeg is definitely a GO ref to a certain cocktail – but the cocktail called a Dirty Donkey has cinnamon in it, in the form of cinnamon schnapps, not nutmeg – plus chocolate liqueur and rum. So maybe not.

But perhaps the most important thing we have to examine is the conversation about Jane Austin that Aziraphale and Crowley have in the pub, in S2E2. Because its got so many levels you just about need a break for extra oxygen half way down. Ha! And you thought it was a couple of funny throw-away lines about how Aziraphale saw human romance...

OK, this is the section of dialogue we are going to look at:

AZIRAPHALE: If you're going to invoke fiction, you might as well do it properly. CROWLEY: Properly? AZIRAPHALE: You remember Jane Austen? CROWLEY: Yeah. I'm not gonna forget her in a hurry, am I? The brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. Brandy smuggler. Master spy. What a piece of work. AZIRAPHALE: She wrote books. Novels. CROWLEY: Jane? Austen? AZIRAPHALE: Yes! CROWLEY: Whoa, bit of a dark horse. Novels, eh? AZIRAPHALE: Yes. They were very good. CROWLEY: Well. No, I'm just surprised, that's all. You think you know someone. AZIRAPHALE: She had balls. CROWLEY: Well.... AZIRAPHALE: Cotillion balls. People would gather and do some formal dancing and then realize they had misunderstood each other and were actually deeply in love.

Ready to dive into the levels on the Jane Austen conversation? Let's go...

Level 1: It’s a conversation about the novelist Jane Austen, and it sounds like they both met her, but they remember her in different ways – and Crowley’s memory is rather surprising!

Level 2: There is a mention of a robbery. This makes the parallel with the 1967 scene in S1E3 Hard Times, where Crowley has a secret meeting in the Dirty Donkey to plan a robbery to steal holy water from a church. The robbery in the above conversation involves diamonds (are you taking note/s? This is important!) from Clerkenwell, a district of London of some notoriety. It was famous for it watchmakers and jewelers, but it was also the home of Oliver Cromwell, who has a link to the 1650 date mentioned in S2E1 and the Eccles cakes, to Charles Dickens (author of A Tale of Two Cities, a book of note for GO) Oh, and both times Crowley is wearing a "Tactical Turtleneck", which others have noted he wears when he is doing his own master spy work, such planning or discussing robberies, or sneaking into Heaven to rob them of information!

Level 3: There is Aziraphale’s idea about how a romance should be conducted, by hosting a cotillion ball with formal dancing, because he's read all those romantic novels by Austen. And we get to see that played out in S2E5 in the eldritch ball. Crowley's idea of a romance was to get caught in the rain and kiss, then - vavoom!

Level 4: Why mention this apparently fictional side to an author of fictional romance? Well, on one hand, it’s an interesting but dark set-up for a joke later at the beginning of S2E6. I ended up discussing it at length here, but the short of it is that it is our usual human custom not to speak ill of the dead, and this is a form of extreme black-and-white thinking. Here, Aziraphale speaks of the good/white side of Jane Austen, that is well known, but Crowley speaks of the black/supposedly forgotten or unspoken bad side of Austen.

Level 5: Here’s the S3 information. Have you been paying attention? Did you take note? The parallels were the robberies between a church, and diamonds? That she was a brandy smuggler? Do you know where they smuggled brandy from? And do you know where Austen actually lived? On the South Downs, overlooking the Channel to France…

Whew. I think I need a drink after that. Cheers!

[Edit: I've recently finished a meta on the Bentley and how that relates to black horses, and it's occurred to me why the ethereal lift, or "hellevator," is in the entrance to the Dirty Donkey. Black horses are symbolic spirit guides between the worlds of the living and the dead, so this makes the perfect place to put the lift!]

[bisexualchaosdemon]

The Foxes as things my old friend and I have said

I make no apologies for the cursed shit you are about to read

Neil @ Andrew: Yes, malicious compliance, thank you. I knew if anyone would know the correct term for spiteful behaviour, it would be you.

Neil or Kevin: I'm working on two hours of sleep and a protein bar, I am ready to fight God or BECOME HIM!

Nicky: *cackling maniacally while shoving a muffin in his mouth* *process to almost choke to death on said muffin*

Neil: What's the word? Clothes soap?

Nicky: Pinoccio can turn into a sex toy by lying and telling the truth really quickly

Neil, talking about Andrew's dark humour: It was just the added hint of rape that really got it there

Matt: What the fuck in the misogyny???

Neil or Andrew, probably: I'm staying in this doorway, I don't want to commit a felony

Wymack: In the same way it takes a lot of pressure to make a diamond, it takes a lot of trauma to make a Fox

Neil, to Andrew: I am the rake to your Sideshow Bob

Aaron, playing a video game: This fucking game can get fucking shoved up my asshole! It can fester with my haemorrhoids!!!

Neil: *makes an unhelpful comment*

Aaron: You're right, I do need to find all the boxes. But in order to find all the boxes, I need to find a shred of my sanity!

Nicky: Toot toot get the gripping socks oot for crash bandicoot

Dan: If you are smaller than the person you are cuddling, it's not called being the big spoon, it is being a backpack

Aaron, from across the dorm: YOU ACTUAL RAT FANNY FLAP

Neil @ Aaron: Imma turn your glasses into contact lenses!

Kevin, talking to Andrew about his friends: Nevermind quality over quantity, you don't have either

Matt, to Dan: Are you playing footsie with me madame?

Drugged Andrew: I am the evil doodle from Spongebob

Kevin: *clapping for emphasis* You. Are.

Andrew or Neil: Stop being funny when I don't have pants on!

Nicky, upon learning he talks in his sleep: Even sleep can't shut me up– I have a disease!

Nicky: You are a cinnamon bun

Neil: No, I'm something that looks like a cinnamon bun, but is actually filled with paprika

Nicky: You are a paprika bun!

Andrew: I don't know what you're complaining about, I'm fucking funny

Kevin, high as fuck: You're not allowed to die. And, God, I wish you were a donut.

Andrew or Neil @ Kevin: Gonna fe fi fo fum my foot up your ass

Neil: Fuck me, it's cold!

Andrew: I'm not going to fuck you just because it's cold

Neil: Nah, you're going to fuck me because of my hot ass

Renee: surviving?

Kevin: Not thriving.

Nicky, to Neil: You and Andrew are like the Kermit darkside meme... Except you are both wearing hoods.

Allison: Keep your nipples on! Don't get your fucking fanny lips in a twist, honestly

Also Allison: Being hit in the clit with a Bisexual flag is not how I want my sexuality reaffirmed

*discussing why they would never date*

Matt: I don't see you as a person

Nicky: *bursts out laughing* I don't see you as a person, the nicest thing a friend has ever said to me

Matt: No, wait, lemme explain

Aaron: Fuck. Da. Ocean.

Matt: I've definitely eaten too much. I'm going to have a food baby. I will name him Derek

Allison, finishing her homework: My laptop is going away and it's not coming back out until Monday

Dan: woop woop get your tits oot

Allison: *flashes single boob*

Nicky: Which of the seven dwarves are you?

Neil: *struggles to remember all seven dwarves*

Neil: Dopey, clearly

Andrew: That's a big off

Kevin: I am a big oof

Andrew: What does that make me?

Kevin: A small, angry oof

Drugged Andrew @ Renee: if you ask a Christian to prove that God exists, they will just whip out the bible. Like, yes *whips out Mr Men book* wah-bam! Proof that Mr Tickle exists!

Andrew, telling Bee about his bad day: Right, so, I woke up, so already off to a bad start

Andrew again: Life is a naughty dog that keeps humping your leg

Andrew: *suddenly singing along to song* YES!

Kevin: *confused*

Andrew: Sorry, my inner demon just took over a little there

Kevin: You're inner demon is so gay!

Andrew: *dying with silent laughter*

Kevin: I am half expecting it to say 'yas'! You have the gayest inner demon I've ever seen

~a few moments later~

Andrew: Yaaaas! Oh, goddammit! Why did you have to put that thought in my head? Stop giving my demon ammunition!!

Aaron: It's your turn to pick dinner

Andrew: *thinks about it for five seconds* No.

Aaron: The fuck you mean 'no' ?!

Kevin, drunk: It wasn't great. I wouldn't rate. *burps* I used a burp to punctuate.

Kevin: What are we doing?

Neil: I have no plan. For life or for dinner.

Kevin: Let's formulate a plan. For dinner. You're on your own for the rest

Nicky: We do not ride at dawn in this house. That is far too early. We ride at dusk.

Allison: Well, if you can't beat them, climb between their legs

Neil: .... *shrugs* If you can't win, be good at oral

Matt: She is beauty, she is grace, I would like her to sit on my face

Aaron @ Neil: You're like biting into a chocolate and discovering it's liquorice

Andrew: I will indifferently shove you in front of a train

Nicky: *yawns ridiculously loudly*

Matt: That yawn had layers!

Nicky: I call it my oni-yawn *cries laughing at own joke*

Andrew: I need a chiropractor, an exorcist, and a bong

*trying knitting instead of sparring*

Renee: I'm trying to knit myself some mental stability

Andrew: I'm trying to knit myself a noose

Andrew: When you think about it, that's all people are; we are sperms with delusions of grandeur

*the monsters play Monopoly*

Aaron: *lands on chance*

Andrew: You coming to join me in jail?

Chance: go back 3 spaces

Aaron: Ha! No!

Aaron: *lands on community chest*

Community chest: go to jail

Aaron: Oh, fuck you!

Nicky, talking about why the mosters can't play Monopoly anymore: Friends were lost that day, patiences were tried, shoes were thrown

Kevin: Can God let go of my gonads?

Andrew: No dick is good enough to live on salad

Aaron, into the pitch black, silent bedroom: You old cock-blocking bastard

Andrew @ Wymack: Come get yo kid, they about to get a McKnuckles Slappy meal

Neil: There is a nice personality inside me, problem is he's mute.

Nicky: You know, it was only after I did that that my self-preservation instincts realised there was a very real possibility that you could have punch me in the face.

Andrew: Self-preservation instincts? You have those?

Nicky: Clearly not!

Renee: PHONE 911 YOU ABSOLUTE PLUM

Aaron: Where does today come before yesterday?

Neil: The alphabet? Oh, a dictionary!

Aaron: The alphabet?!

Neil: I got the alphabetical thing, I just forgot dictionaries existed for a sec!

Matt: My ankle is killing me

Nicky: And IIII, I must confess, so is my knee!

Matt: Is my knee!

Foxes @ Neil: You are always angry and always dying. You are like a suicidal hulk.

Bonus in honour of tsc:

Jean @ Jeremy: Give me an orgasm and then slit my throat. Please and thank you.

[the-bus-called-graveyard-8]

Madagascar: Film-to-Book Changes & Details (part 2 of 4)

Zuba does not continue chasing the hunters after he gets shot—he is too hurt from his injury

Instead of Central Park Zoo or City Zoo, we are now calling it the New York Zoo

When Nana is interviewed by the news, the caption across the screen reads "Nana: Grand Central Hero". When she notices the camera focusing on her, she yells "What are you looking at?" and whacks it with her purse

When Mort arrives at the plane, Julien and Maurice imply they had tied him up to prevent him from coming

When Alex confesses to breaking Marty's iPod, Marty laments that he'd had 10,000 songs on it. Alex teases him, "Neil Diamond didn't make 10,000 songs." Marty starts hitting him for dissing Neil Diamond

Julien dubs his new kingdom "Madagafrica"

The penguins don't get to run over Nana with the tour jeep :/

While preparing for the Rite of Passage, Alex paints his entire face white with black lipstick and black stars around his eyes, like a mime

Melman has a receptionist named Sandy. The giraffe who tells him about Joe's fate is named Harland.

The scene where Mason and Phil bring the army of chimps to help fix the plane is skipped, RIP "I'd like to kiss you monkey man"

The scene of Nana rallying the tourists is also skipped

The discovery of the dried-up watering hole goes in a slightly different order—when Makunga tells the other animals they'll have to fight for the water, they all assert their preference for Zuba. Makunga then tells them they should go upriver and find out what happened to the water. Alex does not announce himself—after hearing this, he quietly leaves to find Marty.

As they leave the reserve to go upriver, Marty asks how Alex had found him amongst the other zebras. Alex says his line from the very end of the film—"I can look into your eyes and know it's you."—before looking at the scar on Marty's butt

Immediately after this, the story cuts to Marty arguing with Skipper about using the plane and Mason blackmailing Skipper. Several pages later, we have the scene of Alex and Marty finding the dam and being ambushed by the tourists. I'm guessing this is an editing error

Upon finding the dam, instead of pondering dynamite, Alex says they will need more manpower. Marty suggests getting Zuba. Alex replies he was more thinking of the penguins.

One of the zebras who had watched Alex and Marty leave runs to tell Makunga what they're doing. Makunga then goes to retrieve Zuba

Marty still fetches Gloria and Melman from the volcano, but there is no indication they were on the plane for the rescue and they do not appear again for the rest of the book

When Zuba joins Alex in dancing for the tourists, he tells Alex he doesn't know what he's doing. Alex tells him not to worry and, pointing to Zuba's birthmark, says "you were born with it!", echoing Zuba's words from earlier

Nana does not have a gun during the plane escape—Hula Girl subsequently suffers no injuries

Zuba does not insist on him and Alex jointly taking the role of Alpha Lion—Zuba instead accepts his role back and announces that drinks are on him. The book ends here, with no wedding between Skipper and Hula Girl and no penguins leaving with the plane

Mort is never seen again after he falls off the plane in the beginning—we are left to assume he died, smh

[bryantspeed]

Season 2 Good Omens spoilers

Long rant incoming

Now that I’ve finished crying I wanna talk about the ending and some gut punch reactions I’ve already seen from other people. A repeated sentiment I’ve seen from Aziraphale and Crowley’s separation after the kiss is that “we don’t need more tragic queer endings” and that Our Flag Means Death and Good Omens suffer from straight writers writing queer love that fails in the end. And there are a few problems I have with those sentiments

The first being, BOTH GOOD OMENS AND OFMD AREN’T FINISHED? Like Neil Gaiman has stated in the past that he and Terry Pratchett envisioned 3 seasons in the TV adaptation of Good Omens, and we have definitely left off on a very interesting note for the third act to pick up from. This is the furthest thing from an ending as we can get.

Second, Season 2 of Good Omens very much shifted away from the idiot plot of Season 1 to truly make it a love story and emphasize that above all else. Hell, both Crowley and Aziraphale both point out romcom tropes that they find attractive and attempt to use them to make Maggie and Nina fall in love! Good Omens may be a self aware romcom, but it would be wrong to say it’s not still a romcom that subscribes to those tropes and utilizes them fully! We are ending the second act on a three act romantic story, and what typically happens then? The romantic leads, despite their mutual attraction and desire, split on ideological grounds and leave each other with regrets heavy on their lips (no matter how powerful a kiss is). Queer love stories do this too! Look at the movie “Bros”, they have this same 3 act structure, as does “But I’m a Cheerleader!” where we are screaming at Graham to please just run away with Megan but she is prioritizing her financial safety and family above her own desires.

Hell's sakes, look at the pinnacle of Romance, the brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell diamond robbery, Jane Austen! Pride and Prejudice also follows this format where Elizabeth and Darcy are ideologically and emotionally split apart, and it is not until Darcy and Elizabeth grow and change for the better that they come back together in the most romantic scene to ever grace the world! "One word from you will silence me forever. [...] You have bewitched me body and soul". What I am trying to say is, Aziraphale going back to Heaven with Metatron is an extension of that common romance trope, splitting our star crossed demon and the too-trusting angel apart to prepare for the third and final act.

And ya know the funny thing that would have certainly happened even if they ended up together at the end of the second act? They would have been split apart very early into the third act. Stories are born of conflict, no story worth telling is one that culminates in "Nothing bad ever happened and we just watched our two lovebirds go on dates and explore each other's bodies for six hours!" Love stories thrive on setting up conflict, so that the romantic leads can fight and claw and work their way back to each other in a much more satisfying emotional climax than if the sloppy, rushed confession that Crowley gave Aziraphale had worked. Stories where the leads end up together in the middle of the story itself don't tend to end well for them (See Romeo and Juliet, "La La Land," "Titanic," et cetera). That is how you end up creating a romantic tragedy.

Third, while “We want queer stories that don’t end tragically” did have a place in film criticism at one time, and a time fairly recently, I feel that sticking to that now when there are a lot more stories that express queer joy and love (especially if you look beyond just major studios, support indie filmmakers, and support the SAG AFTRA and WGA strikes!!!) limits the kinds of stories we can tell. A genuine benefit of today is that there are a lot of queer stories that we can tell, and I’ve been lucky to read a lot of them. The freedom with which we can create stories about us is breathtaking. I've had the privilege to read many well written queer stories, but I've also had the strange privilege to read poorly written queer stories that I can't fathom how they made it past editing. There’s a fierce joy I carry knowing that there are a plethora of queer stories that I can read now, and that more are being created, good and bad.

My point is, there are so many queer stories to be told, and that are being told, so limiting queer media to “must end happily” is exactly that! Limiting! If we go in to every story with the foreknowledge of a happy ending, well frankly that’d be so boring! I want tragedies! I want fucked up characters not fully resolving their problems and being left in situations arguably worse than where they began!

And while I doubt that's the direction Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett wanted to take their supernatural love story, if Aziraphale and Crowley, despite all their struggles, are tragically separated because of metaphysical forces beyond our wildest imaginings, then that would be something new! It'd be interesting if done right! As painful it would be to not see Aziraphale and Crowley together gallivanting off to Alpha Centauri, I'd much rather see a story that has these sorts of stakes for both the characters and the audience!

Anyway, the reason for this rant is just to say that I'm excited for where Crowley and the new Supreme Archangel Aziraphale go in their final act, and by god will I impatiently wait and see.

PS: to those that I saw dismissing Good Omens' and OFMD's cliffhangers for coming from straight writers, Taika Waititi literally came out as queer, and Neil Gaiman had boycotts on Sandman in the 90's because of his queer characters, and his loving portrayal of Wanda, a trans woman that I will protect will all of my heart.

[normmacdonald]

Norm MacDonald on Bob Dylan Pt II

"He mostly listens to music now, but when he talks, it's like poetry. But he's done writing it down. His eyes are narrow as hell and his voice is rough from years of fine whiskey. It's his birthday but you wouldn't know it. He doesn't believe in such things.

He doesn't like shaking hands. When you've had to do it a million times, you let your hand go limp, so the other guy follows suit. He thinks he's just a vessel, a cipher. But he knows he's the best by far. And he knows he'll be the best there ever was. But, for now, he just listens to other music. He nods a lot, but sometimes winces at a bad line. Not that I would know which is the bad line and which isn't.

Told him I saw Neil Diamond. No response, frightening stare.

He likes CDs, hates vinyl, hates people who like vinyl. Won't sign his name or stand for a picture. He says he's said all he ever has to say and I can see what he means. A man who's given all the great words he has and now stays silent.

I got lots of songs I wrote through the years. Too scared to show him. Too scared to show [mutual friend] Billy Joe [Shaver], too. But Billy Joe, he said, show them to me. But not him. He has no interest. I guess, even after all this time, I know the fellow in the guard shack better. Don't know why I get summoned to silence. Billy Joe, when I'm with him, it's like he could fight me at any minute, just for the fun of it, but not him.

He asks me questions about my jokes, and I don't know how he knows them. He quotes some sometimes, always without laughter, and a stare as hard as kerosene.

'You ever vote,' says I.

'Never. Against anyone with power over me, why should I vote a man in so he can have power over me?' says he.

'What about a God, then?' says I.

'What day is it today?' says he, and, finally, the shadow of a smile crosses his worn countenance. I know if he's gonna talk, this is about the only thing of interest. He likes music but won't talk about it. Not with the likes of me. Not with the likes of me.

We went out once. Out of the house. Me and him and a guy named Ray and another man driving and he looked out the window at the world. I know he used to walk the streets, and I know he used to love that. But now the world was what he saw through tinted windows. Tinted windows in the back seat of a long, long car. Tinted windows in the back seat of a car.

The driver got us burgers from in and out. When we finished eating he decided he'd tell a story. I always thought he liked me because I hardly ever talk. All I ever really do is listen. And he told a story, a story about a shark. And he said he knew a man who was a session man and a shark took away that man's arm.

And just as his story ended, the car stopped and a one-armed man come running from his house and jumps in the car. And he smiles at the one-armed man. And he says, 'Tell these boys the story, the whole story.' And so the one-armed man does and we are all spellbound. All but him, who looks out the window with his baleful stare.

And now so many ones have vanished, so many have been banished, so many simply died, and now it's just him and me. If you never break the rules, then you will earn his trust. If you break them, you're as dead as rust.

What I like about him most is he's impressed by nothing and nobody. He says all music is owned by everyone, and the writer don't own what he gives away. I don't even know if he knows how old he is. He's doing real well, that much I know."

Norm posted this on Twitter in 2015, sometime shortly after posting part I, and then deleted it a few hours later.

For context, he and Bob really were mutual fans of each other and it seems to be true that Norm once spent two days at Bob's house. But to exactly what extent this is real and to what extent it's an avid fan's satire of Bob's public image we will never know.

[californiaboytoybilly]

ALRIGHT GIRLIE (gn), I HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR THIS -

💜 🤎 🩶 🪴 🌾 😭 for billy! 🧡💚🌹🌼🌱 for steve!

okokok, i’m ready. let’s do this.

Billy

💜: I know he needs a break and I’ve give him that sometimes, but I really do put him in some truly awful situations sometimes (sorry baby boy).

🤎: Honestly most of my headcanons for him are like… Canon+. At the very least, they’re rooted in my interpretation of his canon. I do love giving him stupid, regal, frilly middle names just because I know he’d hate it though.

🩶: This is a very hard question, mmm. I’m going to have to say the world of Dishonored, but especially the second game. Can’t fight witches and parasitic, bloodsucking swarms of horrible flies with your fists, Bils.

🪴: I don’t know how most people view him, I personally view him as the sun. It keeps us alive, safe. But it can- and does- also kill us or harm us very easily. It flares up and burns red hot. Plus I like the connection of blonde hair/blue eyes like the sun and sky, and the connection to California.

🌾: This is more of a personal headcanon than it is based on anything from the show but I think he’s good at jewelry making. Not like… with big tools in a workshop and with diamonds, but beaded bracelets. Shells from the beach or cool rocks wrapped intricately in a wire cage. Braided leather bracelets. I like the idea that his mom taught him, with twine and shells at the beach. He was always more interested in surfing, but after she left/died, he picked it back up as a comfort.

He knows Neil would call it a fairy hobby or worse, so it’s his best kept secret. He hides that little bag of supplies better than his porn.

😭: No, I do not. I am cursed to remain here like a slightly unstable poltergeist.

Steve

🧡: Steve is so utterly my opposite personality wise that it’s funny but I did also have friends who stopped giving a shit about me in highschool because all they cared about was my house and the things they could earn by being my friends. That and big pathetic brown eyes.

💚: Some of my favourite rep headcanons for Steve are - him becoming hard of hearing after four seasons of concussion after concussion, him being dyslexic, and suffering from chronic pain in general from sports & injury. I’m pretty heavy on the bisexual Steve train, and the Italian Steve headcanon too.

🌹: I feel like when Steve hates you, there is no way you don’t know unless he’s pretending otherwise. He’s petty, bitchy and will absolutely cold shoulder the fuck out of you. Once a mean girl, always a mean girl.

🌼: I think that very much depends on if he was alone. I think, with a group, he’d adapt and be capable of surviving for at a minimum quite a long time. Alone? I don’t know if he’d care about fighting to stay alive if he was entirely alone in the world. He needs other people too much.

🌱: I think he starts out pretty optimistic and over time and tragedy, starts becoming more of a relativist. He is still more optimistic than Robin though, as seen by his steadfast conviction that “Vickie likes boobies” lmao.

[ofuntamedhearts]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

FULL NAME.  Caroline Elizabeth Forbes

NICKNAME.  Care, CareBear, Vampire Barbie/Judgy (Damon), Goldilocks/Gorgeous (Enzo), Love (Klaus),

GENDER.  Cis Female  

HEIGHT.  5′8″ 

AGE.  18/41  (Born on October 12th)  

ZODIAC.   Libra sun (aesthetic oriented, people pleaser, strong moral compass), Aries moon (swift, enthusiastic, and impulsive), Scorpio rising (magnetic, passionate, loyal, obsessive)

SPOKEN LANGUAGES.   English, French, Italian 

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR.  Blonde (she had a red hair phase freshman year of high school. It was a dark time.)

EYE COLOR.  Blue

SKIN TONE. Fair-skinned

BODY TYPE.   Slim, slender  

VOICE.  Mezzo-Soprano

DOMINANT HAND.  Right

SCARS.  None, thanks to that handy vampire healing ability. The fact that she has no physical scars often messes with her head, as she thinks people do not understand that she still has trauma from what she’s been through even though there is no longer physical evidence of it. 

TATTOOS.  None, and with no plans to get any. She subscribes to the “you don’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley” mentality.   

PIERCINGS.   Two holes in each earlobe, cartilage piercing on her left ear. She got a belly button piercing during the ill-fated red hair era, but Liz found out and made her let the hole close up.

BIRTHMARKS.   None

MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).   Eyes, hair, smile

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

HOMETOWN.   Mystic Falls, Virgina

SIBLINGS.   None  

PARENTS.  Bill and Elizabeth Forbes 

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 !

OCCUPATION.  Headmistress 

CURRENT RESIDENCE.  Mystic Falls, Virginia  

CLOSE FRIENDS.  She is having a hard time with knowing who is friends with her anymore. There is a loneliness in that her past self has far more connections than she is allowing herself to have 

RELATIONSHIP STATUS.  Widowed by Stefan Salvatore on March 8th, 2018. Has had a fling or two since, but nothing stable.

FINANCIAL STATUS.  Stable.

DRIVER’S LICENSE.  Yes! She has her motorcycle license too. (Stefan’s influence, for sure)

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.  Demisexual

PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE.  Prefers to be the caretaker most of the time, constantly trying to think up meaningful ways to make sure that the people around her know how appreciated they are.

PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.  Definitely a switch.

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.  Once she decides she’s in, she’s in for the long haul, come what may. Can be clingy and jealous. Very thoughtful, just wants to make life for her partner as idyllic as possible. Remembers every single milestone (first kiss, first date, anniversaries) but does not expect her partners to do the same.  Consistently uses sex as a weapon or distraction. 

LIBIDO. Incredibly high, probably something to do with forever being stuck with teenage hormones. 

TURN ON’S. Protectiveness, thoughtfulness, having secrets with her partner,  eye contact, neck kisses, consensual roughness. Super big fan of angry/make up sex. Also very into building tension with secret glances/touches in public.

TURN OFF’S. Ignoring her, interrupting her, pessimism, sexism, messiness, lack of commitment/affection.  

LOVE LANGUAGE.  Her preferred love languages to receive are physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time. Her preferred love languages to give are acts of service and physical touch.

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONGS.    Mastermind by Taylor Swift. Hurricane by Halsey. Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond. Barbie Girl by Aqua. Problem by Natalia Kills. Tennis Court by Lorde. Where Does The Good Go? by Tegan and Sara. Bottom of the River by Delta Rae. If We Cannot See by Devics. The Future Freaks Me Out by Motion City Soundtrack.

HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.  Reorganizing the closet of every person she lives with, shopping, planning events, learning to bake, sewing, dancing, singing, going to the theatre 

MENTAL ILLNESSES.  Obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, PTSD 

PHYSICAL ILLNESSES.  None (shout out to vampirism) 

SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL.  Confident about her abilities (including organization, planning, physical fighting, debate, gift giving). Confident in her sexual skills. Confident in her appearance. Not confident in her ability to have people continue to care for her; constantly thinks that she will outlive her usefulness and be forgotten. Not confident in being chosen first or being considered important.

[dollarbin]

Nickel Bin #14:

Jerry Jeff Walker's Fading Lady

My famous brother is a show off. He sent me the text yesterday for his recent interview with one of the greatest humans still currently on the planet, Linda Thompson. Watch for it soon, probably on Aquarium Drunkard... And he returned from the Big Apple recently bragging about how he yanked Jerry Jeff Walker's Five Years Gone on vinyl outta of a dollar bin during the trip. That's a big find, folks: just take a listen to a single blissed-out track from that nearly impossible to track down record:

It's no fair: My biggest interview of late was with my cat. She said nothing and demanded heavy petting. And my last foray into the Dollar Bin turned up a Steve Cropper solo record form the early 80's that looks terrible.

(As a quick aside, it kinda looks like Walker invented the selfie on the cover of Five Years Gone; Jerry Jeff: visionary.)

Still, I'm a competitive dude by nature so I rode my bike 14 miles midday late last week in 90 degree weather to test my luck once again in the bin; surely, I figured, the dollar gods would reward such selfless dedication with my own copy of Five Years Gone.

Yeah, no. All I did was drop a few too many dollars on a copy of Circus Maximus's debut album. Turns out Jerry was in a Moby Grape style psychedelic boy band for about 15 minutes in 1967. He shared the lead with a jazz pianist who sang like Neil Diamond and played lead guitar like Sterling Morrison would after they'd each had botched lobotomies; the drummer clearly attended Joe Freakin' Lala's School of Percussion, an offshoot of Trump University; their motto, "just wack the hell out of whatever you can as fast as possible, white boy, and then call it Latin jazz," is more famous than any of their alumni. Today the band has just one claim to fame other than Jerry Jeff's presence: the bass player would soon write Linda Ronstadt one of the greatest torch songs of all time before disappearing altogether from history:

I've loved this song for a long, long - you get the idea. I see it recently was featured in some zombie apocalypse TV show and therefore enjoyed a brief renaissance; that's fitting: Linda is clearly singing about a zombie apocalypse.

Suffice it to say that my famous brother wins this latest round in the Dollar Bin: I'd trade him my copy of Circus Maximus for his copy of Five Years Gone in a hot second. And, come The Revolution, I will head immediately to his house, hatchet in hand and dodging zombies as I go, so as to lay claim to his entire record collection.

While we're at it, check this out:

Isn't it crazy how Linda Ronstadt can make even Jerry Jeff Walker sound like an average dude by comparison? Still, it's nice to hear this song sung by a fellow mortal.

But let's get to the point: happily, Circus Maximus, which, coincidentally, has a cover photo collage dedicated to that very same zombie apocalypse, does feature one track worthy of our nickel: Fading Lady. Take a listen; Jerry Jeff is starting to find his voice.

I don't know about you, but I am mesmerized pretty quickly. My wife just asked me what the hell I was doing under our bed. I told her I was counting our shoes, and I requested space to do so.

Even so, you can hear that the song could be even better. Jerry needs no boy band echo behind him; and, like Danger Bird, slower here would be even better. Happily he soon ditched the mustache and the whole 60's scene and headed for the ditch a few years before Neil Young. They'd wind up wallowing in it magnificently together until Jerry got married and cleaned himself up for good around 73; from that point forward he just sounded drunk all the time.

But he wasn't drunk enough to know that Fading Lady deserved a second pass. Listen to him truly nail the song on 69's Drifting Way of Life:

Aw yeah: that's the stuff right there folks. The great David Bromberg does his New Morning/Self Portrait Dylan thing alongside Jerry on guitar; Kenny Buttrey makes almost no sounds whatsoever on the drums and does so perfectly. And all the while Jerry Jeff effortlessly instructs us to tally up our jewels. And our shoes.

I'm on it Jerry!

[spaceorphan18]

Glee Musical Retrospective: Hell-O Extras

Don't Rain on My Parade (Instrumental)

I couldn't find the actual scene - but I found this really fun karaoke version in case you guys wanna play at home ;)

Anyway... this song plays in the background of the opening scene when Rachel, Mercedes, and Kurt are all walking in the hallway. It's the only song that isn't related to the word 'hell' and is really a nod to the previous group of episodes, their sectionals win, and the fact that Rachel believes she's now a star -- her own triumphant music playing in her head. Of course that all comes crashing down as they get slushied, but it's a nice opening touch.

It's also quite the energetic and provocative piece even without the vocals and gives the reentrance of the show some oomph. I recommend taking a moment and just singing it for yourself! ;)

Hello, Again

Will and Emma dance to Neil Diamond's Hello, Again. I find it kind of interesting that they didn't let Will sing this to her -- and for that matter, Will (and Emma) don't have any songs to sing together this episode -- which shows the departure of the story from the adult world.

I think this is a really nice song for them, though. The lyrics reflect a man who's happy to be in the arms of his love and friend -- and the scene kind of does the meta'ing for you, actually. It's gentle and calm and kind of reflects the friends-turned-lovers relationship that Will and Emma have taken. Plus, the dancing together is somewhat reminiscent of those old school romantic films.

What I don't totally buy is that it's Will and Terri's prom song. Not only do I not buy that teens in the mid-90s would be into Neil Diamond, but I'd bet Terri would be much more vocal and dominating about that kinda thing. But it does very much reflect Will and his personality, so who knows.

I do think it reflects that the writers often write Will as being much older than he actually is -- since a lot of their choices often reflect someone who grew up in the late 80s. But I digress...

<>

Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

Oh my gosh, this scene.... lol

I can see why they cut it. I mean, it was probably for time more than anything, but I feel like this whole sequence really highlights how Rachel and Jesse 'get' each other. It might also be a lot -- too much too fast, especially when Finchel was a tirelessly slow burn over the previous 13 episodes -- so it's a bit head spinning.

But I do like the scene overall. The song is about growing up -- and discovering your sexuality -- though in the most theater kid way (which makes it kind of funny, tbh). And it's interesting to me -- that while Finn was the subject of Rachel's idolatry, Jesse is a very realized romantic partner for her. And I wonder if one reason they cut it is that it undermines the overall Finchel story when Rachel and Jesse click in a way that Rachel and Finn never have.

(I also wonder if this scene is too similar -- though in a more childish way - to the upcoming Like A Virgin montage that will be coming in the next episode - another reason they probably cut it.)

Anyway, the song is cute, but is a minor inlay of the major fabric of the St. Berry romance.

[hollowhichway]

## please read this !— admin

🎶 if you’re in it for love, you ain’t gonna get too far 🎶

## GET TO KNOW THE MUSE :: HEATHER HOLLOWAY

NAME ;; Heather Elizabeth Holloway

DOB ;; april 16th

AGE ;; twenty

SEXUALITY ;; bisexual,, leans towards women (and very very single, hmu mfs)

🎶 oh-oh, here she comes,

watch out boy, she’ll chew you up 🎶

BESTFRIEND ;; billy hargrove ( no user found ) ,, both mutually learned about their sexualities thanks to a certain situation ,,, they still laugh about it 😭😭. they didn’t have the same friends in school so when they got jobs as lifeguards,, it brought them closer due to the dislike of kids and other details.

MORE ;;

mascara user for life, she’s got a little compact mirror and is either touching up her lashes or her lipstick while telling the latest gossip to her closest friends

heather has three pets,, since she refused her parents idea to have more kids, they settled for dogs and cats for heather. heather has two cats and a small dog, all are fluffy and have cute little quirks. and they all have places at the dinner table.

whiskers (6 years old) - she’s a calico cat with a beautiful fluffy coat, she sits a little too much like a human but whatever. she also stands like one and can do tricks very well but she’s just so smart.

tuna (4 years old) - he’s a short haired grey cat, extremely mean to others except for four favorites: heather, whiskers, chunky soup, and billy. he hisses the most but is very cuddly if you’re one of the chosen few or you’re just like him (in billy’s case.)

chunky soup (7 years old) - he’s a small fluffy white dog (not a crusty one, no heather makes sure he looks his best.) he’s been by heather’s side for a long while, sweetest dog she’s ever known. as well as sassy and stylish. always has a bow on his head. fancy lad.

MORE (80’s vers) ;; she listens to the runaways, bonnie tyler, and joan jett religiously,, got introduced to metal music through billy and it just got adopted into her taste of music

her best-friend is billy, they’re each other’s beards. heather helps getting neil off his back by posing as his girlfriend, billy helps tom get off her back by posing as her boyfriend. they don’t love the situation but hey, if it helps, it helps.

surprisingly between the two, it took heather a while to grasp she was bi. doesn’t everyone fool around with their bestest gal-pal? nope, that’s girlfriend stuff apparently.. it also didn’t help that when heather was 10, she went to a summer camp and her closest friend there was a girl named ellie that always held her hand, she was extremely over protective of her, especially of boys being near her.

one too many experiences for heather to grasp she was gay, it took her a while ok :(

MORE (modern vers) ;; it’s not too different from her in the 80’s,, though her music taste is different,,

arctic monkeys,, marina and the diamonds,, TV girl,, and a cigarettes after sex listener. especially marina, the electra album was made with heather in mind.

with billy as her bestfriend, he doesn’t use social media often, at most he has instagram only to post photos of him and heather going out. and because heather kept bothering him to make an account.

with the social media aspect, heather’s actually a instagram model, and a advertising model as well, her looks help her. it’s a great side hustle she has on the side, she’s a life guard a majority of the time. if she’s not doing that, she’s waitressing at the same restaurant where billy’s either the bartender or the busboy.

he has many, many, many messages from heather of sending him tweets or stupid tiktoks that have the little message ‘us’. She does it to bother him :))

she’s also a iphone user, and is really really good at archery on the little imessage games, it pisses everyone off.

[dirtyvulture]

I have read the little “ dear diary” story for the darkest knight universe and it was AMAZING like always!!!!!! It was sooo fluffy, cute and wholesome ( the domestic bliss and life that BOTH Nat wolverine DESERVES and the two of them interacting with R’s kids * cough Nat’s step kids cough * …��. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰) . But let’s NOT FORGET about the SMUT , the god of lust has DELIVERED yet again !!!!!!!!

Now I haven’t had many thoughts on either the DK or SB universe ( I have been talking to a friend ABOUT about the DK series but I digress) but I might have a few little things for both universes . Both are things that happen to me that sparked the thoughts . So last night I DIDNT SLEEP ( I might have slept and dreamt a little but not much ) and a couple of days ( maybe even a week ago I had a nightmare at like 3 in the morning and DIDNT sleep again that night. I also live with my family so I was devastating trying to be quiet so I didn’t wake them up. I also just did a cleaning day at work ( I work at a fast food place , I work four hour shifts. Literally spent 2 hours just cleaning the back of the store and then the next 2 hours doing my “ normal” tasks for work). So my thoughts are just going to be SB and Wolvie dealing with being unable to sleep and trying not to be disruptive to the people around them. Them also just doing a cleaning day ( it is the time for spring cleaning after all) .

In the DK universe we have already seen a bit with the aspect of Wolvie trying not to wake the people up around them ( She was trying to be as quiet as possible ……. but with 200 pounds of metal in her body….. THAT IS HARD TO DO) and went to the balcony . There is a very interesting history fact that can also tie into Wolvie’s sleeping habits but I wouldn’t go into it now because I don’t want to make this too long or bore anyone with something they don’t want to know ( if you want to hear about it then I will be more the happy to teach you) but it does contextualize some things in this aspect of Wolvie’s life and sleeping habits ( or lack there of) . I think Wolvie would go to the balcony and do some stargazeing , go to the kitchen ( get something to eat or drink) , common rooms ( probably to do some reading ) or go to the doom rooms and do a workout. Just SOMETHING to pass the time when R KNOWS she isn’t going to get any sleep but not wake or disturb the rest of the mansion.

For Spring cleaning (or just cleaning in general) I think that BOTH listen to music while doing tasks like that ( my Managers are really cool and but on music while everyone works, it helps past the time and makes tasks a bit more fun) . R has lived a LONG time so she has seen music and the music industry grow, change and evolve …… meaning she has VAST range of musical tastes and likes. I think when R is cleaning she listens more to the “ oldies” : Frank Sinatra , Johnny Cash , Neil Diamond . SB also has a WIDE range of musical tastes and genres ( nowhere NEAR Wolverine R but then again , Wolverine R is VERY OLD and SB is a BABY compared to Wolvie …… EVERYONE is ). I think that SB would just have something like pandora, Spotify , etc and just leave it on random or shuffle ( no real set play list at all) .

In SB universe …….. SB is just SHIT OUT OF LUCK , for many reasons. One the living space isn’t as big as the Mansion ( none would be ) , two Nat is a VERY light sleeper ( BOTH Nat’s are) ….. the way that Nat and SB sleep ( Nat ontop of SB , Nat being big spoon or occasionally little spoon. Bottom line it’s in a way that they aren’t apart and there is no way that SB could move around or leave the bed Without WAKING Nat up)…. Yeah the poor golden is SHIT OUT OF LUCK. They are just STUCK in bed until the morning and until Nat wakes up.

Before anyone tells me “ Wolverine would have to deal with Nat ( who like mentioned before is a light sleeper and both Wolvie and Nat sleep in a the same way that SB and Nat does EXPECT Wolverine R is the one that is mostly the big spoon and occasionally the little spoon) AND Jean ( because she can sense R’s restless mind and thoughts) .” I know !!!!!

Hope everyone has a nice Spring cleaning and sleep much better than I did ( also that you all have pleasant dreams with no nightmares) !!!!!! Happy Spring EVERYONE!!!!!

I am so so glad you enjoyed it! :) I was really excited to get to write a more happy and domestic fic (since no promises the next one will be 😄), but yes this is everything Nat has always deserved, I'm happy she gets to enjoy it for a little bit.

It has been a long time since you shared your thoughts, they are always welcomed here.

I am sorry you were not able to sleep much, but that is definitely a shared trait of Wolvie!R's lol. We've seen in the first fic already that Wolvie does have trouble sleeping and she likes to go stand on the balcony to look at the stars.

R definitely loves almost all kinds of music. While SB has no real preference for music and just lets Nat pick whatever they should listen to at any given moment. :)

(I also think SB is hardly the big spoon for Sergeant Romanoff...maybe on a rare night once in a blue moon.) But SB probably just lies there under Nat and strokes her hair while they think about whatever is bothering them.

Nat is probably used to Wolvie getting up and going around, sometimes she joins and sometimes she doesn't. (But if Jean is up and trying to follow R, you bet Nat is going to make sure Jean doesn't try anything.)

Welcome back, friend!