#Neil Breen Reply

[astralbondpro]

Do you have a favorite Neil Breen movie?

Pass Thru, or Twisted Pair. It's so hard to the point I can't decide. It would change every day you ask me that question. Who knows, when I finally see Tortured Crossing it may change again.

[obscurushydrae]

😘 asking moreso in general than instead of rick, because i think that’s still valid to ask!

Send ‘😘’ to learn what your muse can do to potentially woo mine.

Enjoy a bit of culture: survive a B-Movie Marathon or watch-through of filmography of the great James Nguyen's with herand you might just have a chance.

[kickerofelves]

i feel like i need to recalibrate my taste in movies and watch some truly terrible garbage. what are some movies that have infuriated you? i wanna see some trash, some schlock, some absolute stinkers

the following list of movies have really ground my gears: natural born killers, tusk, mother, anomalia, charles swan, boondock saints I/II, homicide, crash, whiplash

[fatefulfindings]

btw I can't stress enough how unserious my tumblr community is. don't know or care who neil breen is? want to talk about dr breen from half life instead? just curious to see what a community looks like? you can join! (just send me a dm or reply to this post bc I have to add people individually)

[margesimpsonannoyedgrunt]

I REALLY need context to that photoset of mike with his arm behind jay... what is that from?? and why havn't I seen it?

Short answer: Mike was signaling he wanted a beer refill.

I’m gonna give you the long version so buckle up.

Many years ago (2015) Mike and Jay did a Half in the Bag on the movie American Ultra, a movie Max Landis (a creep) wrote. They did not like the movie and made that much clear, and also made fun of Max Landis for having a twitter meltdown that his movie wasn’t doing well. I wasn’t watching rlm at the time but from what I can tell, Max Landis then had a hissy fit on twitter (again) about how Mike and Jay clearly didn’t understand what he was saying, they were jerks, blah blah blah, just harassing them until finally to placate him they said he could come to their studio and have a sort of mini interview with them and also shoot an episode of Best of the Worst (which sucks, because that BotW is their first Breen movie and Rich does a fantastic job summarizing it, but the episode is ruined by Landis’ presence). The screenshot is from the ~30 minute interview they had with Max about American Ultra and his relationship with Hollywood in general.

Getting to why Mike had his arm around Jay, Mike was signaling to whoever is off camera (probably Rich) that he wanted another beer, and just chose to do it in the weirdest way possible.

The reason you haven’t seen it is because both videos with Max Landis got unlisted last year after he was outed as a fucking creep by multiple women (which had been going around for awhile but this was the first post MeToo thing to come out about him, I think an article or a twitter thread took off and a bunch of women replied saying how creepy he was to them, some involving him assaulting them). Now, if you REALLY still want to watch them, the videos are still up on their website. Since they’re unlisted this is the only way you’ll be able to find them (EDIT: It’s also in the best of the worst playlist. You just can’t search for it). I don’t recommend watching them–the interview is annoying because it’s just Max talking about his stupid life for thirty minutes, and Rich’s Neil Breen meltdown has been chopped up into clips posted by other people that you can easily find, and that’s really the only thing worthwhile about that Best of the Worst.

Also not related to this, but right after he did BotW with them, Mike and Jay did a half in the bag on his stupid Victor Frankenstein movie. Mike tried to be nice about it, Jay just flat out called it bad.

So there’s your longwinded answer to a very simple question.

[galway-bae]

profmeowmers replied to your post: I’m re-reading my least favorite book in existence...

but why are you re-reading it if it is Bad?

I’m a glutton for punishment. Also some of the bad prose is really funny, and it almost feels like a neil breen movie or something

[doedipus]

LP D&D: Your Reward is the Satisfaction of a Job Well Done

Between sessions, Ludovik and Rich’s longstanding rivalry came to a head, and Ludovik decided to leave. Thankfully, the group was able to work things out like adults, and the separation happened pretty cleanly. To this day, I don’t really get what was going on between them, but I guess everything worked itself out in the end, so whatever. I’m just glad the saga didn’t turn into the kind of clusterfuck people on /tg/ like to talk about.

At the beginning of the session, Rap was playing around with a voice changer for whatever reason. Apparently, one of the presets sounded enough like me that nobody could tell the difference. Am I truly a unique person, with my own wants and needs, or am I some sort of construct off an assembly line, an excitation in the Kim field no different than any other? Is there some hidden land of Kims deep in the woods, where we could find solace from the often terrifying and confusing non-Kim world, free to swear like sailors, nurse our wounds, and watch Neil Breen movies long into the night? 

...Uh, that took a weird turn. Content under the break.

Merrow thanks the party for saving his life

Hier is arrested

Graham lays hands on Esmeralda

Nudge nudge, wink wink

Coy attempts to locate the body of the gnoll shaman, but is unable to

Coy retrieves a handful of the coins the sisters use to communicate

Escrima and Graham try and retrieve some lost equipment

The ship and estate are on fire, so the gang decides to bounce

They make it back home without incident

Lucas wants barkeep to get him the strongest drink on the multiverse

Coy goes to say hi to Akim

Akim thinks the explosions are the hypest

Coy wishes him a happy birthday

Akim thinks her hugs are better now

The players think about that too much

Graham hangs out with Frederick, his squire

He breaks the news of Osric’s death

Graham declares himself “duke”

Fred reminds him that “those of the fairer sex” aren’t in the line of succession

Graham suggests they consider his uncle, then

The alcohol is strong, and everyone is completely smashed

Except Coy, since she was away for the first round

“Did I ever tell you about the time I rescued Esmeralda from a dragon?”

Coy orders a round of coffee for the party so they can sober up

And then orders a round for herself

She’s a little buzzed, but not like the others

“Coy, I love you, I don’t care what your hair looks like, I don’t care if you cut your hair, you’re a beautiful butterfly... creature...”

Greg has a personal crisis

He starts his routine in the pond

GregnLucas ERP in the pond

Coy pulls them out so they don’t drown

Connie has an epic battle with the stairs, and loses

The next morning afternoon, the party wakes up, and is hungover

Except Graham, because paladin or something

Thankfully, Rocky keeps potions of restoration in the attic

Coy stays in “bed” for some short rests

There’s some mail

One letter is from Rolen

He says that the hallucinations he’d been having have gotten to be too much, and he is heading to mithril hall to search for his ex //Honestly, the most disappointing thing about the whole OOC situation was that we never got to figure out what that stomach spider bullshit was going to go

One is for Coy

That will she altered turns up. Apparently she’s owed some inheritance. The attorneys want her to drop in //During the vampire subplot, Coy found some victims dead in their apartment. She also found their will, and wrote herself in

One is from the sheriff’s office, for Lucas

They are grateful for our help

They’ve found out what happened to his brother

Lucas runs off to check it out

Graham gets a letter from Merrow

It’s about Hier’s trial

Hey Coy, what’s that in your pocket? //Coy stole a pendant off a noble later revealed to be Merrow a couple sessions back for no particular reason

Is that Merrow’s?

Coy says she’ll commit seppuku before telling

It might be a good idea to get it back to him somehow

Connie gets a letter too

It’s from her parents, Ida & Ingo Cooper

It’s been circulating for a while

Ingo has died. Ida wants her to come to the funeral. It’s in Neverwinter

Apparently, they’re waiting for her to get there

Lucas goes to Castle Waterdeep

On the broom

He’s broken a law, is he stupid?

But I saved the ci-

WATERDEEP IS A CITY OF LAWS, NOT OF MEN

Lucas tries to rules-lawyer his way out of a 500 gp fine

WATERDEEP IS A CITY OF LAWS, NOT OF MEN

Saving cops isn’t worth edgyLucas’ time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WRrAeQqVs8

The gang catches up to him

Graham asks for a copy of the paperwork

Coy tries to steal the money back

Despite a poor sleight of hand roll, she gets 800 gp

Graham and Lucas have a brief heart-to-heart

They’re the only original party members left

Coy totally didn’t steal that money back

She becomes inspired again

She gets pissed at Lucas for fucking up pronouns

Before they get to the sheriff’s office, they pass by the attorney’s office

Coy decides to pop in

She says something offensive to the gnomes that work there about their tiny baby arms

Coy signs some paperwork, and obtains a winery estate, and a house.

Winery is in Baldur’s Gate

House is in Waterdeep

They arrive at the castle

Vigo is happy to see the gang

He has a report on Lucas’ brother.

He was wounded in the raid of Mossstone

He was later redeployed to the front lines again

Apparently the sisters’ army has sacked Athkatla

Lucas wants a flying license

It’s 1000 gp

Gotta take tests and stuff

Lucas no longer wants a flying license

The gang remembers that they only have like 5kgp, and decide to confront Rockseeker about it

Rocky congratulates us of our victory

But he reminds us that they remain a threat

He predicts that they will throw everything they have against the city soon

Connie tells Rocky about the coins //Soldiers in the Sisters’ army carry coins that their superiors communicate through

Apparently, they’re stones of sending

Rocky says they’re short range only. Lame!

He says he can reset them to work for the party, so that’s cool

He tells us that we’re to participate in the trial of Lord Hier, and shouldn’t leave town yet

Lucas wants cash

Rocky is reluctant to pay up

He points us towards Merrow

Lucas breaks the news of Gandalf’s death to the party

Lucas says that he killed him

Necromancy, torture, I had to do it, pushed into lava

Angered with their lack of compensation, the gang decides to go see Merrow

Of course we have an appointment! Who do you take us for?!

Someone who doesn’t have an appointment, duh

Graham just tells the guards who we are

The guards are “a little bit pissed off, having to like, do things”

Merrow’s assistant says he’s busy, and we should wait a while

The anteroom is pretty nice, though, so it’s okay

Coffee and pastries are served

He wants a DEAL

Connie gets promoted to LORD OF WATERDEEP HOLY SHIT

Representing Athkatla, of course

You know, since she’s been a lord from there for like two weeks

Merrow offers us 500 gp

He wants Graham to serve as a judge during Hier’s trial

Merrow assures Lucas that the matter of Beydale will be addressed soon

Kim reminds the party about the black shield of blackness //A suspicious magic item from before my time.

It’s a +3 shield! Holy cow!

PVP!

Coy is brandishing her sword, and accidentally makes a swing at Lucas

It goes straight through Lucas’ leg

He pulls it out, spraying leg viscera all over the ground

Lucas cures wounds

He’s not giving the sword back

Shopping ensues

As per usual, the party gets in a fight with a shopkeeper for not having good enough wares //We should’ve waited until Connie could go the the dark assembly the Waterdeep city council meeting to pass a “more expensive stuff” bill

Max wants to learn minor illusion, and JP says it’s gonna be tough

Connie goes to get her clothes fixed.

It’s gonna be a week

The gang visits Coy’s new house

It’s a little bit of a wreck

The bed’s still gross

Coy wants to set Akim up there with a tutor/nanny

He’s looking for Julie Andrews

Or Dick Van Dyke

Probably that guy

She spends a few days looking for a suitable caretaker

Coy leaves him in Waterdeep with Rich, the tutor

Akim is ecstatic about the house

He gets his own room!

He can store all his toys

Like his ragdoll, and, uh,

That’s kind of it, actually

It’s name is “Alfie”

Coy thinks about getting him some new toys

“Will you be my mom, Coy”

Coy gives him a noncommittal answer

Rich the tutor gets 7 gp per month

Coy decides to take the displacer cub with her to train

Akim is devastated

Constanza sends a letter back to her folks detailing her situation

She also summons Paz, the slithering metal gear reference //It’s a tsuchinoko

During the ritual, she has a vision of her parents finding her as a baby, and also some commotion

Lucas and Graham resume shopping

Lucas orders a suit of medium armor with Graham’s help

They head to a jeweler next, to look for a decent wedding/engagement/whatever ring for LucasnGreg

Coy gets some daggers/throwing knives

Graham goes looking for a bag of holding

A shady street vendor approaches him

It’s 1kgp

It’s covered in blood

Graham doesn’t want to know where he got it from

He buys it, and the guy runs off

Coy goes to sell the shield

The shopkeeper isn’t buying that the shield is magical

Coy offers to demonstrate it

The shopkeeper is convinced, and pays 300 gp

Lucas wants some Lupe venom

Escrima is gatekeeping her “precious fluids”

They get half a vial of venom

Graham attunes to the shield

Lucas tests out sending to talk to everyone he knows

He gets no reply from his parents

He recalls that Baldur’s Gate uses anti-magic materials in prisons. Oh no!

His brother and his buddy are okay, though

Lucas teaches Coy minor illusion, in exchange for more draconic later

Coy gives Akim a hand crossbow. It’s giant and dangerous

The warehouse roof is finished //We wanted to have the roof of Lupe’s hangar open on the off chance we could use her for something

As are the other orders we placed

Summons for Hier’s trial arrives

Items are recovered from Rolen’s room

Connie is to be at peaktop aerie at midnight for confirmation as a lady of waterdeep

Connie asks the whole party to accompany her

Merrow arrives in a carriage to take the party to the aerie

Merrow reminds the party that only the lords are supposed to speak

But they can appoint an assistant that can whisper to the lord

She appoints Graham

Apparently, Rocky is a lord. This surprises nobody

A lord asks where Catarina is

A nat 20 convinces them that she’s not full of crap //In-universe, “Catarina” is a kingdom in a children’s book Connie used to like. “Constanza de Catarina” is not actually her given name. She just made it up because it sounded cool and foreign.

They seem to like that the party saved Amswater

All except one lord vote to confirm

What a bitch!

Connie suggests they move to retake Beydale

Some lords agree

Rockseeker throws some shade over the sisters of dawn incident

If the army secures Esmeralton, they’ll move for Beydale

Other topics of discussion include

Increase the number of garbage collectors

A motion to increase taxes on magic shops gets shot down

50k soldiers are to be drafted to the war in the south

Merrow talks about Hier’s trial

Meetings are monthly, but not mandatory

The party gets some winter clothes

During the week, Escrima handled Lupe. She seems trained!

Greg is grateful for Connie’s assistance at the council meeting

He’s also disappointed that Lucas is gonna have to leave again

Lucas suggests that he try and pick up bard-ing

The gang gets a message from Narcovi saying that they couldn’t find crazy eyes’ body

Jake had moving stuff to do, so the session was called there.

[orpheusmorpheous]

@grantharshammer replied to your post “@samnesmail replied to your post “we watched neil breen’s new movie...”

possibly the first thing he's actually spent money on in a movie, except for the hookers he hires to be actors

one was wearing a bra!!!

and she must’ve refused to get shirtless for a scene because she only lifted her shirt up halfway and it was awkward as hell cause she was just walking around with half a shirt up lmao. you could see the bra imprint so she was wearing a bra the entire time but for that scene, she took it off and only raised the shirt up a little bit

good for her, tell that creepy ass motherfucker no

[nostalgiachan]

@zoralink replied to your post: On Neil Breen

heyy I know this is kinda an old post but do you have a link to the youtube video because I can’t find it anywhere

For Pass-Thru, you mean? Unfortunately, last I checked, it had been taken down (which is surprising, since the other three movies are still readily available). 

[astralbondpro]

@vasovagus:

I agree 100%. I actually have Cade: The Tortured Crossing at #6 or #5 on my list of Neil Breen films. Enjoy them all but, yeah. Whereas Twisted Pair is my #1 or #2.

[momo-de-avis]

shadowpiranha replied to your post “O Filho de Odin, Cap. 11, “Angus e Kranyatz”

ok eu vou parar esta no sitio onde o puto orc tá todo cheio de medo (lol) e vou ler pa trás porque isto é sem dúvida a melhor coisa a acontecer-me desde o mais recente filme do Neil Breen que vi há umas semanas.

boa leitura, tens uma bela duma aventura pela frente!

e agora que dizes isso, PUTO era tão bom Neil Breen adaptar esta merda, deus queira, oremos irmãos

[showpoison]

god remember when strade krakenberg replied to idiots with pictures of neil breen, i should do that again

[astralbondpro]

@minty-playhouse replied to your post “Neil Breen has released the DVD for Cade: The...”:

Ah, I see you're a fellow Breen appreciator!

​Life is never the same, once you've knelt at the altar of Breen.

[orpheusmorpheous]

@samnesmail replied to your post “we watched neil breen’s new movie last night and wow, sam esmail up...”

im so mad i missed it r.i.p. where will i get my writing tips from now

neil breen discovered shooting footage from a drone and REALLY used it a lot cause he spent money on it and had to milk it