#Nah im gonna complain now this is fucked up

[wilsonthemoose]

I forgot to debrief my second ever patient? client? whatever she was and her family. :( I just said thank you and bye bye and left :(

I did run back like 80ish seconds later but they were at the door by then :( like the mother did ask a few questions and I was able to address those concerns but fuck I feel so bad T.T

[ditzydoe444]

Now I’m thinking about Bunny! Reader complaining that mechanic Jason got oil all over her dress from when he hugged her and grabbed her ass with his oil filled hands and Jason saying “well, I guess you should take it off then” and then fucking on the bike? Sign me up pls and thank you <3

Also can I be anon 🐁 if it’s not already taken? Thank you :3

MDNI 18+

mechanic jason x bunny!reader ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

a/n: added anon!!

you frowned at the oil stains on the mini dress you wore, it was a hot day and you decided to visit jason at the garage to bring him a drink. the moment the man laid his eyes on you he was right next to your side in seconds, arms around your waist as he lifted you above the ground, and then grabbing your ass after, squeezing the soft fat.

“jacey you stained my dress,” you pouted as you tried to wipe the oil and grease off, staining your fingertips black. jason let out a low chuckle, gently grabbing your hips to spin you around to see the damage he had done. “well it’s stained and a hot summer’s day, you can take it off you want,” he teased as he nibbled in your earlobe.

you narrowed your eyes, trying to look as mad as possible but you looked like an angry bunny instead in his eyes. “come on sweetheart, i’ve been working like a dog in this heat, can’t a man enjoy the nice view of his girlfriend?”

you didn’t miss the way his eyes glistened mischievously, how they scanned your body in the tiny dress like he was undressing you.

his large calloused hands went to grab your tits, pushing them up in his hands, “stained this area too,” his voice low.

“are you just going to stain my dress even more?” you grumbled though you couldn’t help but to let out a small smile. jason grinned, his hands gripping your waist tightly, “could say that bun, you would look so good without it in this garage,” his voice low as he played with the strap.

you quirked a brow, “so i just have to be all naked whilst you work? that doesn’t seem fair to ignore your beautiful girlfriend.”

his eyes darkened, before grabbing your ass again, squeezing the plush fat in his large palms.

“oh you think i’m just gonna work on the flimsy cars whilst my girlfriend is naked in the same room?” his breath hot around your ear. “nah bun, im gonna fuck you.”

in a matter of seconds jason lifted you up easily with his strong arms, placing you on his motorbike, you straddling it whilst he was behind you. “we don’t need this so let’s push it up yeah?” before you could even respond you felt his hands shove your dress to your waist, the flimsy material bunching around above your chest.

his hands dipped inside your panties, rubbing your wet folds. “already this wet sweetheart? you’re gonna stain my seat at this point.”

it took every ounce of self control to not let out a frown when he saw the small wet mark on the bikes leather seat.

you watched in confusion as jason turned the bike on, its engine roaring as the bike started vibrating.

oh.

“lean forward for me won’t ya bun?” jason commanded lowly as he pushed your panties off to the side.

you whined the moment the vibrations went up your clit, “jay,” your hands were clutched onto the handlebars as you tried to not squirm on the seat.

“lift ya hips for me won’t ya sweet thing? and lean forward.”

you knew better than to disobey jason in his own workplace and on his bike, that man would ruin you.

so you obeyed, letting a needy mewl when his fat tip entered inside you, sliding against your gummy walls as you clenched around him.

“fuck,” he hissed, as his nails dug into your soft flesh on your hips. “always so warm and tight for me aren’t ya? ‘m such a lucky guy.”

jason had you angled where he was able to fuck your cunt from behind whilst your clit was rubbing against the leather seat allowing the vibrations to touch the sensitive nerve.

“jay!” you whined as the sensation got too much, the slight burn from his sheer size as he abused your spongy walls and the vibrations on the clit turned you into a mess.

“j-jay it’s too much ‘m gonna come!” your moans increased as the only thing that was holding you up was his strong arm around your waist whilst the other held on your other hand around the handle.

“come on bun, coming already? since when were you such a sensitive little thing?”

[hewwokitti]

𝙎𝙃𝙐𝙏 𝙐𝙋 (𝙍𝘼𝙁𝙀 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍)

if you were a cat you’d be purring. Rafe slowly running his fingers through your hair on his lap taming for the time being. You hear snippets of their conversation over your own thoughts, how Kelce was talking to a girl who “turned out to be a nagging bitch”. That made you peek an eye open, being the girls girl you are.

“Nah man, she was crazy asking about, ‘when am I gonna see you?”

Both eyes now open, you discreetly look at Rafe to see how he responds to Kelce complaining about a girl saying something eerily similar to something you’d say.

Rafe scoffs a laugh, “She think you whipped or somethin?”

Your eyes narrow now and for once you’re silent, looking at Kelce and Topper across the couch to see how this plays out.

“I mean that shit means she likes you don’t it” Topper supplies, making Kelce laugh.

“Yeah she likes THIS DICK” Kelce jokes, making all of the boys laugh, making you shoot up from your spot on Rafe’s lap.

“That’s mean! She wants you to know she cares” you pout.

“Bun, this just how guys talk n-“ Rafe tries to explain, brushing the hair that had fallen into your face with your agitation behind your ear, used to your hyperemotional behavior

“No! It’s mean you guys are mean!” You interrupt voice breaking, starting to tear up

“HEY- don’t, don’t be startin shit right now bunny I promise you won’t like that.” Rafe gets a little firm but still holding back a little.

“No! Papi, im not gonna let these losers- YEAH i called you losers- talk shit about a girl who just fucking cares”

Rafe pauses, you’ve never spoken to him like this, you *know* better than that. So it makes him think.

He shakes his head, “Nah, move on guys move on. I’m not doin this right now” he tells his friends, nodding his head towards me.

“Shut the FUCK up Rafe you’re pissing me off” you hiss at him.

This makes his friends howl with laughter, hitting each other with glee.

“OOOO your bitch got you scared Rafe or what huh?” Kelce boldly says, for once in his life.

“You too Kelce jesus- you’re a spineless dickless, misogynistic manwhore. and- and -and Topper you’re just- just- YOU.” you shout at them, stomping your foot and storming away.

The boys watch you walk off. Rafe hot on your heels to put you into place. After a moment Topper squeaks out a, “What the fuck does that mean?”

pls like and reblog if you enjoyed! requests are open :3. Thank you to @rafeysdoll for helping as alwaysssss <3

[rissouu]

im all you need, eren jaeger

(he’s determined to make you leave that bum boyfriend of yours)

“ren.. we can’t do thi— aw fuck!” you complained, quickly getting cut off by the hand of his that was working its way toward the hem of your shorts. “we can’t what? need you to speak up for me mama.” he hummed before rubbing your pussy through the thin shorts and gazing at you with those beautiful blue eyes.

“you know about my relationship, and we have to stop. this shits getting tiring sneaking around like this,” you mumbled, trying to resist the urge of giving into him like you usually would. he always had a way of making you fold but you just hoped this time you had enough strength to end it.

“ion give a fuck ‘bout that relationship. i been telling you to leave the dude for months now,” his eyes were fixated on your beautiful body. the only thing he wanted right now was to be inside you, but that was kind of hard when all you’re thinking about was that bum boyfriend of yours.

“you think youn gotta listen to me, but that’s okay baby, ima teach you to listen one way or another.”

you sighed while trying to keep your composure. the last thing you needed was to fall for his charm like always, but unfortunately he always had a way with words..

“call him.” eren hissed while giving you deep strokes and holding your legs up. you were mentally all over the place, you couldn’t even understand what he was saying.

the only thing on your mind right now was how good eren was fucking you. “aww look at my baby, too out of it to understand what i’m sayin’.” he cooed before bringing your foot up to his mouth and leaving soft kisses on it.

“mm please baby, m’so close— i can’t!” you babbled, putting your hand to his stomach and trying to push him away. it was too much and you were already tired, and you didn’t know how much more you could take.

“nah, move your hands and call him like i said.” he slapped your hand. you must’ve been out of your damn mind if you thought he was stopping any time soon, especially not before you did what he asked.

“no renn, not calling him. please just-“

“oh you not callin’ him, hm?” he questioned, pulling out of you and chuckling darkly. “no, i won’t-“

you were cut off by him roughly slamming back into your pussy, causing you to scream. you were left speechless and all you could do was grab at the sheets beneath you.

“stop fuckin’ playing with me y/n. either you call him or im gonna do it for you.”

©rissouu 2023 (literally bare with me ik this was so bad, i haven’t written full on smut in years! ima practice some more don’t worryyy 😭)

[love-belle]

tujhe kitna chahne lage !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which the entire world is convinced that they do not like each other but it's actually quite the opposite.

or

for when they make you go crazy in a good way. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // lando norris x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - another desi!reader bc why the fuck not!!!!!! hope you like it, i love you so much <3

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lilymhe, carmenmmundt, landonorris and 758,427 others

yourusername lando norizz said i sparkled (derogatory)

tagged landonorris

6,829 comments

username NAH MARRY ME RN

username sirf ek chance plzzz (just one chance please)

username MAATE???? ( mother )

username OH MY GOD

username nah im in love what yhe fuxk

carmenmmundt you shine ❤️‍🔥

*liked by yourusername*

username THAT LEHNGA THOUGH

username traditional clothes hit different and that's just facts

username hayeee nazar na lage ( no evil eye )

username SHE ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBS

username lando rn: ur a vampire

-> username forgive me in my head that was wayyyyy more funny

username marry me PLEASE

carlossainz55 i'm blinded

-> yourusername STOP MAKING FUN OF MY SEQUINS

-> landonorris only i'm allowed to make fun of her so back off sainz

-> carlossainz55 child i taught you everything you know now

-> landonorris OMG DAD STOP EMBARASSING ME

-> yourusername i'm blocking both of u

username she's so W

username traditions attire 🔛🔝

username i love all the drivers just randomly popping up on her post and leaving after pissing her off like that's MY source of entertainment and serotonin

username mother slays 🔥🔥🔥

mickschumacher your aunt (???) is setting me up with her daughter help

-> yourusername walk AWAY

username not the desi aunties trying to play matchmaker 💀💀💀

username i love her so much omg

username waiting for lando's comments before going on with my day like it's the morning news or something

landonorris you DO sparkle

-> landonorris disco light like looking witch

-> yourusername i'm honestly gonna go and tell lewis that ur being mean to me

-> landonorris WAIT NO

landonorris you sparkle (🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮)

-> yourusername here lewishamilton

-> lewishamilton lando no

-> landonorris I WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING

landonorris imagine wearing silver on silver

-> yourusername you wear dumb on stupid everyday do u see me complaining

-> usernme nah she gagged him

landonorris boo 👎👎👎

-> yourusername ur so obsessed with me ☺️☺️☺️🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️ go on 🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🙏🙏🙏 log out 💯💯💯❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥😘😘😘

username they make me so ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username i want what they have

username just make out already

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 789,514 others

landonorris when y/n managed to *not* burn the kitchen down while boiling water

tagged yourusername

7,826 comments

username lando babe this js proves that you're all sunshine and smiles when it comes to her

username they hate each other???? lol

username nah what in the enemies to lovera shit is this

username HIS SMILE OMG

username sunshine boy

username he's so adorable

username nah they're definitely together

charles_leclerc says the one who burned the hello kitten mittens

-> landonorris IT WAS AN ACCIDENT and YOUR hello kitty mittens

-> charles_leclerc LANDO WE AGREED TO KEEP THAT OFF THE INTERNET

-> username me randomly discovering that charles loves hello kitty in the comments of a post about y/n from lando is so wild if u think about it

username hiii im new to f1 can someone please explain who y/n is and why do lando and her hate each other :)

-> username ofc angel <3 she's the daughter of one of the BIGGEST sponsors for f1 and she's like very close with most of the drivers and their partners and attends as many races as she can!!!!

-> username lando and her have had a very *rocky* relationship since the beginning bc the first time they met, lando pushed her into the pool and then she pushed him into a fountain so !!

-> username they're all currently in india atm bc y/n's sister is getting married and it's like the event of the decade!!!!!!!

-> username NO BC THAT FOUNTAIN CLIP WOULD FOREVER BE ICONIC

danielricciardo this is not helpful in beating the crush allegations !

-> landonorris shut the fuck up !

username he's so ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

username not danny ric calling him out

username this comments section is WILD

username they're together idgaf they HAVE to be

username atp they're just playing with us

username no bc lando and y/n are SO iconic like from the moment they met to here like all of their public interactions are so entertaining

-> username one of them is always ready to throw hands with the other one and most of the time it's y/n

-> username nah bc i know my girl is DONE with his shit

yourusername you forgot how to crack an egg.

-> landonorris YOU CRACKED AN EGG ON MY FOREHEAD

-> yourusername HOW IS THAT RELEVANT RIGHT NOW

yourusername *when y/n is actually the love of my life

-> landonorris hahahahahahaha!!!!!!! babe what!!!!!!!!!

-> danielricciardo both of you are so dumb 😭😭😭

-> maxverstappen1 oh my god

-> charles_leclerc what just happened

-> username "babe" SAY WHAT

username im gonna go and walk my fish

-> username i suddenly need to iron air

username they're idiots (affectionate)

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, landonorris and 897,527 others

yourusername tujhe kitna chahne lage ( just how much i love you )

tagged landonorris

comments are disabled for this post

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 897,426 others

landonorris she's mean but she buys me chocolate so ❤️

tagged yourusername

9,457 comments

username AHHHSHHSHSHD

username i am not okay

username IM SO

username HER.

username im heartbroken 💔💔💔💔💔💔 both of my parasocial relationships gone just like that

username nah bc she can fuck me up and i would say thank u and sorry for wasting your time

maxverstappen1 she's mean to all of us but she doesn't get us shit

-> yourusername aren't you like a millionaire

-> maxverstappen1 SO ARE YOU

-> yourusername lol i get p and kelly chocolates

-> kellypiquet 🥰

-> maxverstappen1 you're never getting to babysit p ever again

-> yourusername WAIT NO I'M SO SORRY

username they both said fuck soft launch

username ENEMIES TO LOVERS

username apna time aayega ( our time will come )

danielricciardo idk she makes me chai

-> landonorris didn't she almost hit you with a rolling pin because you said "chai tea"

-> yourusername it was honestly so deserved

-> danielricciardo i am TRAUMATIZED

username LOOK!! AT!! THEM!!

username we've come so far oh my god

username y/n posting a couple dumb pictures of lando and a cute one of them together and then disabling the comments while lando posts these MASTERPIECES is so on brand of them

-> username cool gf 🤝 obsessed bf

yourusername i am NOT mean

-> landonorris sure

-> yourusername im not!!!!!!!!!!

-> landonorris sure!!!!!!!!!

yourusername love u ig

-> landonorris guess again

-> yourusername I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH

-> landonorris k

-> yourusername blocked

yourusername hey ur kinda pretty

-> landonorris hey you're very pretty

username THESE BITCHES

username i feel like i've entered an alternate dimension

username ngl im gonna miss y/n and lando shit talking each other

[sweetnergirl]

No bc like… just imagine plug!connie and you being his bsf sister.

“S-stoppp…CONNIE PLZZZ!!”you cried out in the most whiniest voice you’ve ever made

“Shhh, baby you non’t want you’re brother to here how much of a slut you’re being for his best friend.” He rasped in your ear as his fingers moved in and out of you as he curled them on that spot that he knows make you crumble under him. “B-b-baby plz, I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that”, you said as tears that you were holding finally came sliding down the sides of your face.

“Aww you gonna cum, come on. Go ahead come for me”. Connie whispered in your ear then sat up on his hind legs and smirked(his bottom diamond grills shining) as he watched that chubby tummy of your’s that he loved so much(the reader also has a hello kitty belly piercing), quiver as he watched you fall apart. You couldn’t take it as his fingers continued to move and his thumb rubbed that swollen little nub of yours…So you tried to push is hand away by grabbing his wrist. “Nahh this what you wanted right mamas, what happen to you being all big and bad when you was teasing me wit them lil as shorts tryna show off to my friend” he stated in a firm and slightly aggressive tone while never slowing down.

Though you could only respond with a string of whiny and pornographic moans from him just playing with your pussy like it was nothing. You knew exactly what he was referring to, you didn’t know ony was going to have company over you had just woken up from a nap and taken a shower by then throwing on a plain cropped wife beater w/hello kitty shorts that you’ve had since you were nine and yea they had gotten shorter and tighter over the years… But HEY! They still fit. You walked out of your room welcomed by the strong smell of weed and the three boys in the living room smoking(Eren, Connie and ony).

While Connie’s eyes stayed on you roaming up and down your body as if he could eat you along w/the stare of Eren Yeager. “Aye y/n, look at you all grown up it’s been too long we should hang out together just like old time’s” Eren tells you while also eyeing you. “Nah she’s still annoying, the only reason she used to hang out w/ is because she would beg me to and if I say no she would be a little snitch”. Ony complains as I roll my eyes and strolled to the kitchen. “Yeah but she cool now right y/n?”Eren asked taking a puff of the jay and Turing his head to look at me in the kitchen eating a fruit roll up, “yepp I’m cool now… right Connie?” I questioned as I walked over the the side of the sofa Eren was sitting on and taking the jay from his hand then taking a puff. “Earth to con, you good bro”,ony asked while waving a hand in his face. “Yeah I’m good just, just thinking”.

As time went on me and Eren just talked while ony and con did they’re thing but even then I noticed Connie staring the whole time with dark eyes filled w/lust and irritation rolling his eyes any time i laughed at ren’s jokes or touch his arm or me showing him my fresh nail set when he asked.

By the end of the night I was high out of my mind from all the smoking and decided it was time for me to go back in my room and probably go back to sleep, which is when Connie shows up in my room during the middle of the night confronting me about whatever he called “the situation” which was just me catching up w/ an old friend. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me.

“Shut the fuck up I’m sick of hearing you mouth, matter of a fact turn that ass around im bout to tear that ass up”.

THIS WAS MY FIRST POST SO GO EASY ON ME AND GIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK.

[mypoisonedvine]

𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺 | ghostface!darren (pig) x reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | he probably wasn't even invited to this party, because who would invite him? but he came anyways... just to torment you. far more than you could've imagined, in fact.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 | 2.5k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | NONCON DARK SMUT 18+ ONLY!!, public sex, degradation, pain kink, knife kink, a bit of predator/prey, blood kink, smoking, unprotected sex/implied risk of pregnancy, darren is kind of an incel lmao

It was a pretty traditional high school party— overcrowded, loud and sweaty, bad music and worse liquor— but at least the sea of costumes, ranging from scary to silly to sexy, added at least some new layer of interest to the whole thing.

You hadn’t tried very hard with your devil costume— more accurately an attempt at a ‘sexy devil’ costume— but you put on horns and heels with a tight red dress and nobody can really complain.  You weren’t really here to get into the ‘spooky spirit’ or whatever anyways, just an excuse to drink and maybe chat with some people you’d been missing.

The person you ended up chatting to right in that moment, though, was exactly the last person you wanted to talk to.

You didn’t even know there was someone behind you until you felt him press up to your back, suddenly hovering right by you.  “Want a drink?” he asked, shoving a cup towards you, but you were too busy nearly jumping out of your skin to care— you almost knocked the drink over, actually some of it did splash onto another partygoer, but she was too drunk to notice.

“Fuck!” you yelped, turning to see the gangly boy behind you.  “Christ, Darren, do you have to always sneak up on a girl like that?”

He just smiled and tried to offer the drink to you again.

“M’already holding one,” you pointed out with a frown, “didn’t ya notice?”

“O-oh yeah,” he mumbled, lowering the cup finally.  “Costume looks good.”

“Thanks,” you shrugged, though you suddenly felt the urge to tug down the bottom of your dress.

“You’re not worried what the boys are gonna think with you dressed like that?” he asked, and you glared at him as you shoved his shoulder.  

“Don’t you think before you open your fuckin’ mouth?” you spat.  “What are you, anyway?”

The black robes didn’t really tell you anything— not until he reached behind his head and pulled a Ghostface mask over his face.

“Oh,” you snorted, “not the most original, is it?”

“Don’t like t’movie?” he wondered as he pulled the mask back again.

“I mean, it’s pretty good,” you relented, “but—”

“You wanna fuck ‘im, don’t you?” he insisted suddenly with a lascivious grin. 

“What?” you squinted.

“Ghostface,” he clarified, “you’re one of the girls who thinks he’s fit, yeah?”

“Why are you always such a creep?” you asked him with a grimace, but then you decided to change the topic quickly.  “Kinda thought you’d be a pig or something,” you admitted, “with the nickname and all.”

“Nah, that’s stupid,” he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms— which made you notice the prop knife in his hand.  It actually looked pretty good, shinier than most plastic costume knives.

Just then, Jimmy O’Doyle sauntered up beside you, slipping his arm around your shoulders.  “Ay, little devil,” he greeted, flicking the red horns on your head as you smiled sheepishly.

He hardly acknowledged Darren, spare for a quick nod, but Darren was staring at Jimmy for a little too long before he looked at you again.

“Thought you said you didn’t want a boyfriend,” Darren said sharply, glowering a bit.

Jimmy scoffed and you shifted uncomfortably; Darren tended to be… what’s the word… desperate?  Clingy?  Overall bizarre?  He certainly couldn’t take much of a hint.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you said first, though that didn’t really matter— you didn’t need any reason to reject Darren, outside of your natural self-preservation instinct.  He actually wasn’t bad-looking, but it was hard to tell past those leering eyes and the uncomfortable smile.  He wasn’t smiling now though… he looked quietly enraged, sipping pointedly on his drink as he glanced away for a moment.  

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Jimmy smirked at you, hardly waiting for your nod before disappearing back into the crowd.

Suddenly, as you felt Darren’s livid gaze from awkwardly close, you decided that you needed a little fresh air.  And by that, you really meant a cigarette.

Not wanting to tell Darren that you were going outside for a smoke, you instead mumbled some excuse about going to the loo— somewhere he was just sane enough not to follow you to— and bumped through the crowd until you found a door out into the neighbourhood.

There was a slight drizzle still going outside— more of a misting, really— that made everything all foggy and grey, spare for the yellow-y glow of the streetlamps dotting the way.  It wasn’t a full moon, as cool as that would be, but near to one… regardless, it wasn’t visible behind low, dark clouds, leaving the night starless and dreary.  There wasn’t much to look at in the alley as you lit your cigarette and took slow drags from it, so as you stared blankly forward at brick walls with chipping whitewash, your mind wandered a bit.  Nothing of great merit: upcoming assignments, the possibility of an afterparty, the lingering hope you could find a steamy hook-up for the night… you didn’t just put this outfit on for the pictures.

Before you could get too far into your imagination, you were startled by a distant sound, jumping slight as your head turned towards it— but it was just the dark alley, not much to see.  You squinted, trying to make out movement in the shadows, but for quite a while you couldn’t see anything.

Only when you turned your head back forward with a shrug was there any sign of what you’d heard, just a shift in the corner of your eye.  You looked at it again, and you hated to admit it, but your heart froze up for a second when that white face emerged from the darkness.

Of course, you gave your best unaffected scoff when you actually processed what you were looking at.

“Quit it, Darren,” you warned, willing your voice to sound stable as you shouted down the road towards him, “you’re not gonna scare me.”

You watched him move closer, stepping into the light so you could see him better, and tried to ignore the way the hairs on your neck stood up.  If he knew he was getting to you, he’d just keep doing it; you rolled your eyes and took a drag through your cigarette to try to seem nonchalant… but you had to stop your hand from shaking just a bit.  Only because it was chilly out, surely…

You thought it was a joke— a stupid joke, but still just a joke— until he dragged his knife along the brick wall as he stalked toward you.  The sharp, high-pitched screech of metal against stone was unmistakable… and that was how you realised it was a real knife.  A very sharp, very real knife; he’s going to actually kill me, you thought, just before you let out a primal and instinctive scream.

Turning on your heel, you ran as fast as you could.  Each rapid pulse of your heart pumped adrenaline through your veins, and you felt so shaky that you worried the light night breeze would knock you over.  

These were far from running shoes, though— they were pretty excruciating to just stand in, actually— and it was only a few blocks of a chase before you tripped.  Yelping in pain, you tried to scramble up or even crawl forward… but just as you rolled over and winced from landing on your hip, you saw him stalking forward into the flickering light of a streetlamp.

He was probably just going to take the mask off and laugh at you, right?  Reveal the whole thing was a silly prank and the knife was fake and that he just wanted to prove you were scared of him.  Yes, that would be the most sane thing for him to do at that moment, even after being so not-sane by chasing you with a knife.  Instead, as you tried to crawl back, he just tilted his masked head curiously at you, and with his free hand reached down and palmed at his groin.  He was hard— you could see the outline of it through his costume, his hips rocking forward slightly into his palm as you heard a muffled hiss from his mouth.

He knelt down and grabbed your kicking legs, roughly yanking you closer and hovering above you menacingly.  “C’mon and scream for me,” he ordered with a delighted purr, pulling his mask back, laughing when what came out of you was more of a wail or sob instead.  “Louder, y’little whore—”

“Get off me!” you shrieked, trying to fight him away, whining as he laid down over you instead and licked your neck.  You turned your head with a grimace, shuddering as his weight pinned you against the slightly-damp pavement.

“G’na show Pig how tight the little hole gets when you’re scared— aren’t ya, fuckin’ slut?”

“Be serious, Darren— s’not funny, get away from me!”

You struggled less when he flashed the knife; as little as you could, in fact you actually nearly froze as he teased you with it, running the tip down the front of your dress with just enough pressure to pop a few sequins off, making you whimper in terror.  He laughed, though— a small, dark, chuckle.  “Quiet now,” he noticed.  “Don’t make a fuss, sweetheart.”

You had to bite your lip to hide a shout, though, when a gloved hand up slipped under your short dress, grabbing greedily at your lacy panties.  He licked his teeth, bared by his grin, as he stared at you with those haunting eyes of his.  “Wet, aren’tcha, girl?” he taunted— not that he’d be able to feel it through his black gloves, but past your own groaning you could almost hear it (though you tried not to).

“You’re such a creep!” you spat, though you tried to regulate your tone as you glanced at his knife again, held against you by one of his hands on your arm; maybe part of you still thought he would stop and admit it was a joke, but the darkness in his stare made you doubt that more and more.  The gravity of the situation still hadn’t really set in yet— sure, you were coursing with fear and had goosebumps all over, but it didn’t totally feel real.

“Won’t take too long,” he promised with a sigh as he hastily tugged his costume out of the way, still pinning you down with one hand (if not as effectively).  When he roughly yanked his cock out, proudly brandishing it between your legs as your eyes went wide… that’s when it felt real.

“Don’t,” you gasped instantly, looking up at him with pleading eyes.  “Don’t, Darren, please— you can’t—”

“Shh,” he hissed quickly, “s’good— gonna feel good, alright?”

He gasped loudly as he pushed inside you, eyes shutting tight before he dropped his head down onto your chest.  “Fuck, girl— what’s a whore cunt so tight for?”

Not wasting any time, he pulled his hips back and roughly thrusted forward into you again, making you choke on your cry.

“S’for me, isn’t it?” he decided with a sick sort of grin.  “Want Pig to feel good?  Like t’squeeze the thick cock, don’t ya?”

“I— I fuckin’ hate you,” you whimpered, shutting your eyes tight, in disgusted disbelief that this was happening— that it was him inside you, holding you down.  But you couldn’t forget it, not with him moaning and purring above you, mumbling stuttered praises… and the feeling of it, it was impossible to ignore, as much as you hoped to somehow.  It was a deep stretch, each thrust making your chest tighten out of more than just fear.

“Mmf, fuck,” he grunted, holding onto you tighter— another reminder he still had that fucking knife.  “Pretty— it’s a pretty thing… it’s warm inside…”

Grimacing, you hated the way your body responded to his lewd comments about it; your walls clenched on him slightly, you could tell by the way you felt even more sore inside than before.

He pressed the knife up against your neck, growling in amusement at your wince of fear.  “Think Pig’s gonna slice you?”

“I… I don’t know,” you stammered out your answer, eventually.

“Waste of a pretty face, no?” he smirked, moving the knife up and caressing the side of your face with it— not that it could really be called a caress, all rigid and cold like that… “Say please.”

“Huh?”

“Say please,” he repeated, “beg me not to hurt you.”

“Already are,” you sneered at him, but he pressed the knife to your neck with a little more intention— a little more pressure, a wild look in his eyes suddenly— as he insisted again.

“Wanna hear you beg,” he spat.  “Do it or Piggy might hurt you worse.”

“Please, please,” you whispered shakily, shutting your eyes.  “Please don’t, Darren…”

You gasped sharply as he pressed the knife down just enough to draw a thin line of blood, only to pull the blade away and lick hungrily at the wound.  Feeling dizzy and sick, you winced at the sting of his tongue lapping at your pierced skin, lips wrapping around and suckling as teeth dug painfully into your pulse.

He thrusted faster, recklessly so, and bit down on his lip as he breathed heavier.  You were too focused on how painfully deep he was going to really process anything when he started to slow down— that is, you felt that he was slowing down, and didn’t think for a minute about why he was slowing down.  

His loud, low groan gave it away; you snapped back to reality and looked up at him in a new kind of fear.  “Fuck, Darren, did you just—?!” you whimpered, squirming harder as you realised what he’d done.

“Shh, shh,” he soothed you sharply, hissing as he grabbed a tight hold of your hip.  “Stay fuckin’ still, girl— fuck, I’m still coming—”

You yelped and tried harder to fight him off, but he kept you pinned down easily, even forcing you into a rough and sloppy kiss.

He sighed into it after a second, relaxing on top of you until it was a little hard to breathe under his weight.  You whined and tried to break away, but the hand with the knife still in it held your jaw, the cold metal pressing threateningly against your face.

Whimpering and blinking up at him, you met his icy gaze and he smiled proudly down at you.  “Little devil, eh?” he smirked as he toyed with your horned headband, which had become quite dishevelled from all the running and struggling.  “Your blood matches the outfit— poor whore, red all over…”

“Darren,” you choked, fighting a sob of disbelief as you felt him pull out of you with a hiss— a steady, sticky leak giving away how much he’d come.  “What the fuck did you do?”

“Don’t be fussin’, girl, like I said,” he rolled his eyes, though he was still grinning wide.  “Ready to go back to the party now?  Or do you just want Pig to take y’home, sweetheart?” 

[jeansplaytoy]

𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥

part seven.

i’m back and better than ever (kind of).

no proof read yet , smut , sexual references , cursing , arguing , angst(?) , everything that’s always in my stories .

part six here | part eight here

unbearable. to sit in a car all night when all you wanted to do was have a good time? yeah, unbearable.

“this is so fuckin’ stupid.” you mumbled, crossing your arms and leaning on the door of the car. “and you’re childish. all you do is fight, but you want freedom.” he shook his head and scrolled on his phone.

“i’m sober.”

“and im sitting in the backseat.”

“you’re in the front.”

“and you’re not sober.”

you squinted at connie. you couldn’t think of anything else to say, so you stayed quiet. for like… 5 seconds. “can you take me home?” you asked. connie looked at you in the dark rear view mirror. “you sure? don’t be complaining when you get there either.” he mumbled, focusing back on his phone.

“i wanna go drinkkkk.” you whined, tapping the seat.

“no. you can’t control yo emotions when you drink.” connie shook his head. “and you not finna be in there gettin drunker than you already is.”

“okay i just wanna have a good time.” you rolled your eyes lazily. “you expect me to believe that shit?” he looked back at you. “you can watch me. i won’t do nothing. i promise.” you raised your eyebrows with a small smile.

connie’s lip twitched and he sighed. “we not gon be here for more than bout an hour. you better do whatever you wanna do, then we leaving. ight?”

you nodded with a smile while connie unlocked the door for you after he got out. you grabbed your heels and slipped them back on, nearly tipping over when you stood up. before you could roam off anywhere, he grabbed your hand, letting you lead him to where you were going.

“do we really have to hold hands?” you mumbled, walking beside him with a bored expression. “nah.” connie said, letting go of your hand and putting his arm around your shoulder.

you looked up at him before sighing inaudibly and walking back in the house. everyone looked at you, seems like there were more people there than the first time, but you didn’t care.

when connie looked to the side, he saw that same girl in the corner. seemed like she was still mad. “let’s go upstairs real quick.” he mumbled in your ear. you looked at him with a confused expression. “for what?”

“youn need to be getting in no more trouble down here.”

you stopped in your tracks and crossed your arms. “is that the real reason you wanna take me upstairs?” you squinted. your thoughts from earlier started to come back to you. he wasn’t just gonna fuck you whenever he wanted.

connie squinted. “yes. now come on.” he looked around, noticing the girl unknowingly getting closer to you two. before you could argue, he dragged you up the stairs, nearly tripping you on the way up.

“i don’t wanna go upstairs i wanna drink.” you held on to the side of the stairs. connie smacked his lips. “do you wanna getcho ass whooped y/n?” he looked back at you, opening the door to the same room you two first got… physical in.

“no, cus a bitch can’t beat me regardless-”

you didn’t even get to finish your sentence. connie closed the door behind the both of you and locked it, standing against it.

“aw hell naw. you think i’m finna let you get in my panties again?” you frowned. “let me out.”

“no.”

“connie, i am so deadass i’m not bouda sit here and let you kiss me and touch me and do whatever the fuck we did whenever you feel like it, then ignore me for another one or two weeks.”

connie threw his head back against the door. “man… shut up.”

“shut up because i ain’t finna let you use me-“

“bruh what the fuck is you talkin bout?” you could hear the irritation in connie’s voice, and the sober corner of you told you to just shut up, but you were still drunk.

“what i just said. you’re not about to fuck me again and then leave-“

“y/n ion wanna fuck you.”

“yes you-“

“no—the fuck i don’t. i’m tryna keep yo ass outta trouble, cause you too fucking stupid to realize every time you go out you be in some bullshit-“ you opened your mouth to say something back. “nah, listen. you too stupid to realize you always in some shit, and if you get hurt you gon be complaining like you always is.”

now he was actually starting to get mad. you wouldn’t shut up.

“let me out.”

you tried to push past connie, but obviously he’s way stronger than you. “let me out!”

that’s when you felt him grab your arm and push you back on the bed. “that’s yo fucking problem, you don’t listen. you so fuckin childish, people tryna be here to have a good time and yo ole stupid ass and that bitch steady fighting. don’t nobody wanna hear that shit all the time.” he started raising his voice. “sit the fuck down. ion wanna fuck you, ion care shit bout that. you steady sittin here tryna argue, you don’t fuckin listen.”

you stared at him.

“ain’t no reason i gotta sit here and really treat yo ass like a big ass baby cause you can’t control yo liquor. i’m tired of that shit bruh.”

you didn’t even feel like talkin back, cause he wasn’t gon listen. you failed to realize that your face was starting to get wet because of the tears rolling down your cheeks until you sniffed and huffed.

connie backed up and stared down at you, bitting his top lip. you sniffed even more and hummed, wiping your tears, some of your mascara from your bottom lash coming off with it, along with your eyeliner.

you sat back on the bed and looked at connie again. you couldn’t really read his face, not only because of your teary eyes, but because of his blank expression.

until you blinked once more, you noticed he wasn’t even looking at you anymore. he was staring at the ceiling.

you swallowed and moved to the end of the bed to take off your heels. surprisingly, you continued to cry. you didn’t even know it. connie then looked down at you again.

you then stood up, now standing in front of him.

he sighed and wiped the stained marks from your cheeks and eyes. with one hand in his pocket, and the other on your face, he licked his lips.

out of all the shit you talked, and the things you said, you looked at his lips. you bit yours and trailed your hands up his shoulders and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in. he knew it was probably wrong to be intimate right after you said he was using you, but shit.

he wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling his nose in your neck.

you did the same. except when you did it, you couldn’t help but put your lips on his neck. not even a kiss. you just needed to feel it.

eventually, which wasn’t long, promise, you softly kissed connie’s neck. you moved your hands to the back of his head, ignoring the red lipstick stains you left on his neck, and started to kiss up his jaw.

you pulled back and moved back to the bed, holding his hand to lead him with you. he moved on top of you, making you automatically slightly open your legs to make space for him.

as you laid back, he saw a single tear drip down the corner of your eye. wiping it before it reached your ear, he kissed your cheek. under your eyes—both of them, and then kissed your lips.

he barely gave you time to kiss back as you closed your eyes and rubbed his back. he kissed down your face, neck, chest.

“you know ian wanna make you cry ma.” he said in between kisses.

you didn’t say nothing back, but you heard him. “you know i care about you.” he whispered, starting to give you hickeys on your neck and chest. “i just…” he kissed your lips again. “ion wanna get attached.” he sat up, pulling your legs closer to him.

he massaged your thighs and moved his hands up to your waist. then he moved from your waist to your chest, undoing your outfit down the middle before helping you get it halfway off. he leaned down to kiss your stomach, glancing up at you with every few kisses, just to see that look on your face.

“you just…” he moved back up to your face, spreading your legs further as you started to close them. “you be pissin me off sometimes.” he moved his right hand down to your panties, which were already almost soaked.

he rubbed his middle finger along your panties, making you arch your back, only a little. connie stared at you with bored eyes, but he definitely wasn’t bored. he then licked his lips, moving his hand up, then down in your panties.

“you love lace. ima remember that.” he said, moving his finger along your wet folds. you softly moaned, closing your eyes and biting your lip.

he moved his hand away from your pussy and licked his middle finger, making you open your eyes. the look on your face just drove him crazy. the way your brows furrowed when what you wanted to happen, didn’t happen. yet.

he put his thumb in front of your lips as you looked him in his eyes. “suck it.” he mumbled. you did as he said. what else could you do? “good girl.” he muttered, moving his hand back down inside your panties.

he put his thumb on your clit, softly pressing down on it, making you moan a little louder than you did at first.

he slowly started to rub your clit, sticking his middle finger inside of you at the same time. “ah, fuck…” you moaned softly as connie started to kiss you again. he was moving his fingers so slow, but it felt so good.

he slipped his tongue in your mouth as you kissed, slightly moving his hips against his own hand as he slowly fingered you.

your kisses started to get sloppier by the second. “you like that?” he whispered against your lips. you quickly nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck like before, moving your hips against his fingers.

that’s when he pulled his fingers out of you, unexpectedly sticking them in your mouth. as you tasted yourself, connie pulled your outfit off the rest of the way, undoing his pants with his other hand.

you didn’t even realize he was starting to slip his self into you, until he put the tip in. he moved his hand from your mouth to your neck, rubbing it with his thumb.

you slightly whimpered.

“it’s too big, pa. it won’t fit…” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“if wasn’t too big a few weeks ago.” he replied, stretching you out more and more by the second. you painfully moaned as connie’s thumb started to rub your cheek.

“you good… shit..” connie threw his head back for a second before moving closer to you. you grabbed his shirt to pull him closer to you. while he moved closer, he grabbed your hands and intertwined your fingers, pinning them down to the bed as he started to move his hips.

“yeah..” you looked up at him. his eyes were closed at first. a few thrusts in, he looked at you. you could barely function because of the pleasure, it felt like it was all over your body. it’s been so long.

as he looked into your eyes, making noises he didn’t even know he was making, the same with you, you felt your eyes start to water again. you slowly started nodding. you didn’t know why. you just did.

connie leaned down to kiss you again, holding on to your hand tighter, thrusting at the same pace but harder. “fuck, connie..” you moaned softly. “i hate you so much…” you moaned again, making connie close his eyes and groan a little.

“i’m sorry.” he muttered, putting his face in your neck again. he could barely hold your hand. he tried to, but it felt like he was losing all his strength.

your eyes rolled to the back of you head and you moved your hips with connie’s. “you know ion be meaning to do you like that…” he said against your neck as he started kissing it again.

“uh huh..” you said softly. you didn’t know if you were replying to him or reacting to the feeling he was giving you. he moved his hand to your neck, slowly starting to thrust faster, making you moan louder by the second. “i like you for real…” he softly moaned against your ear.

“i…” you couldn’t get your words out clearly because of the grip he had on your neck. connie moved away from your ear and looked down at you, his grip on your neck didn’t change at all. you looked up at him with glossy eyes.

you held his wrist, feeling yourself come closer and closer to an orgasm. “i… like you too.” you mumbled enough for connie to hear. connie furrowed his eyebrows, nodding slowly before groaning softly.

you moaned one more time before finally feeling yourself finish with him, both of you out of breath as he let go of your neck.

connie leaned down to rest his head on your chest for a few seconds as you started to rub his back and head.

he wrapped his arms around your waist and looked up at you.

there wasn’t anything else to say. seemed like it.

he got off of you and fixed his self, letting you put your jump suit back on. “you ready to go?” he mumbled, looking at his neck in the mirror as you put your heels back on.

you silently nodded.

[dobbysimp]

since this is tumblr after all, i feel like i should go back to my roots so:

things that have been said to or around me, as incorrect marauders quotes

sirius: what kinda fruit would i be? and dont say faggot

mary: imagine getting to absolutely explode inside someone

*30 seconds of silence of picturing it*

🎶iF i WeRe A bOy 🎶

peter: cereal is non binary

sirius: sure if you wanna make it into gay shit

peter: FRUIT LOOPS ITS IN THE NAME

james: if you were a fruit loop color which one w- LETS TAKE A QUIZZ

barty: i don’t just throw it away, i play catch w my sanity

Remus: *mom lore*

Peter: were you an accident?

Remus: oh yeah

Peter: that checks out

sirius: i love cum

james: 🤨

sirius: dont quote me on that

james: im quoting you

pandora to barty: can you stop talking about sperm so i can do my tarot reading?

remus: this might be rock bottom

peter: the thing about rock bottom is you can only go up

remus: we dont know, i have a shovel

peter deadpanning: have you ever even BEEN on minecraft?

sirius: i cant tell if im having a crisis or i just need to wash my hair

peter: furry

sirius: furry

james: furry

remus, defeated: why is this the joke we all roll with?

evan: i was regulus-ing too close to the sun trying to put my emotions in boxes

james, to sirius: the trauma is bouncing around in your head like the dvd logo and only when it hits a corner do you get a second of peace

sirius: I wish I could date myself I would treat me so well

james: I think you just stumbled upon self love

lily, scrolling on tinder: he’s cute

mary: is he?

lily: *swipes left*

James: I have brain freeze on the outside of my head

Regulus: that’s called being cold

sirius: im getting a lot of… brain things

remus: ideas?

remus: *looking smth up about worms, reading the suggested searches* “can paul atreides control worms?”

sirius: would you love me if i was paul atreides?

remus: no

sirius: would you love paul atreides if he was a worm?

remus: no

sirius: would you love a worm if it was paul atreides?

remus: i would have questions about HOW the worm became paul, but probably not

peter: is it… why was i thinking self harm? no wait… masturbation!

remus: what are you, catholic?

sirius: if i ever jump off a building just know it was bc i genuinely believed i could fly not because i wanted to kms

barty: on my deathbed can yall bring me a cup of gasoline? i wanna try that shit at least once

james: dang nabbit, or whatever the fuck white lame virgins say

regulus: i think you had a stroke out loud

james: that was just me doing math

trans reg complaining while doing hw: im just a girl

evan: nO?

sirius, about Minnie: she’s always three spots ahead in the cha cha line

james: she’s in the cha cha line meanwhile im doing the macarena

(playing battleship)

remus: I cant believe you blew up my ship and your response was “tehee”

peter: Top 10 things Adolf Hitler never said

(30 minutes later)

remus: (is losing at multiple board games) IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF! IM DONE- I AM SO DONE…

peter: Top 10 things Adolf Hitler has said

dorcas: evan is emotionally unstable but mature

regulus: one usually leads to the other

dorcas: nah barty is emotionally unstable AND immature

regulus: i said usually

mary: their lives are gonna go up in flames and im gonna sit there watching and tanning

lily: can you tan from fire?

mary: for sure

marlene: do you think people tanned at the salem witch trials?

peter and sirius: *debating*

remus: what did i just walk in on?

sirius: can animagus fuck?

remus: excuse me?

peter: we think yes

remus:… I think it makes sense

sirius: now here’s the real question, if James and Lily-

remus: no.

james: what if i dated regulus just to watch the world burn

remus: the world wouldn’t burn, you would, and sirius would be holding the lighter

sirius, ranting about remus drama: and then this happened and I have never been more distraught… thats a lie i was abused but still

peter, after making 18 your mum jokes: that’s what your mom said

sirius: stop i can only take so much

peter: she said that too!

pandora: im chilling, i could be a budah

regulus: i don’t think you’re chilling i think you’re disassociating

pandora: im budah

remus, ranting drunk: because my parents- my parents pfft i only have one

dorcas: am i being manipulative?

barty: no, I would be doing the same thing

dorcas: that’s not as comforting as you think it is

regulus: Hey google how to find a man that will edge me for hours, no borax or glue

james: i mean i have adhd i could probably do that

sirius, about reg: he’s not even fun anyway

james: siri… he gets abused

sirius: dont we all

peter: i think the bible is a mass hallucination, kinda like the bee movie

pandora: yk how when you buy things in bulk its cheaper? maybe we can get therapy in bulk for all 5 of us

regulus about sirius after he leaves Grimmauld: Bro acts like a Disney kid who just broke the contract

regulus: so, cannibalism as a metaphor, right—

remus: go to bed

sirius: to speak or to die? speak duh, im probably gonna die bc of what I said anyway

regulus: i had a great childhood…

sirius: *side eye*

regulus: you guys are making me age so fast

barty: we are helping you mature!

regulus: barty i get abused, i’ve been mature since i was 10

pandora: *after 10 seconds of silence* beAutiful

regulus: YOU CANNOT SAY BEAUTIFUL TO ME BEING ABUSED

pandora: im gonna be honest i zoned out

marlene: *calls*

lily: *picks up*

marlene: im gonna destroy my hair i thought you’d want front row seats

mary: a mosquito could bite my clit and i would let it

lily: mary what the fuck

alice laughing maniacally: lets actually think of the logistics here

[beautifulfuckup99]

A Yoongi smut where he is very cold and rude but head over heels for her

Im getting addicted to your stories btw🥹

OMG, thank you so much! Love ya!

Title: Only for you

Warning(s): Classic "Black cat/Golden Retriever" Energy, Curs!ng, D!rty Talk, Bathroom S!x, Creamp!e, Oral, and Fluff

Author's Note: "Hates everyone but you" trope is my absolute FAV! Hope you enjoy, and also this is a "Non-Idol!AU"!

************************************

"No."

"Yoongi-"

"No. No!"

"Baby, please! It's just-"

"No, no, no! Nope! Nah! No!"

You sigh deeply and move to straddle your boyfriend's lap as he shakes his head continuously. "Y/N. Don't." He warns and you smirk at him, knowing you'd get your way eventually. It was cute how he always tried to 'put his foot down' though.

"Baby... Focus on the set." You say calmly as you place his hands on your new lingerie set you'd gone out to buy just today. You knew you'd need the big guns for tonight. Black silk barely covered your body that was freshly washed, shaved, and lathered in vanilla lotion.

"Y/N, that's not fair!" He argues as he grips the fabric of your boy shorts in his hands.

"It's a night out, to a nice lounge, to celebrate my co-worker's birthday." You justify. Yoongi had no real desire to always go out and party. If he was forced into it, he'd have to get drunk. That's how he became more sociable and friendly. But other than that, he didn't have the patience for a night out. Or a day out. Or... Well, if it involved other people, let's just say Yoongi wasn't interested.

You knew getting him out would be hard. Especially right now. He couldn't drink thanks to his pain medication the doctors just put him on due to the cold air hurting his prier shoulder injury. You knew tonight, he'd have no real vice to hold on to. Besides you, that is.

"Can't we just... Wish her happy birthday over the phone? I mean, YOU don't even like her!" Yoongi mutters and you snort, moving to kiss along your boyfriend's neck.

"Y/N... I'm serious..." He grumbles as you lay him back, smiling at him innocently. "Don't 'sex brain' me. I'm not going." He says flatly and you hum as you kiss down his body slowly.

"Sex brain?! I'd do..." *kiss* "No..." *kiss* "Such..." *kiss* "Thing..." You mutter between kisses as you get to the waistband of his sweats.

"It's all cold out there, and the snow is mushy, and the lounge is gonna be packed, and I don't even li... Like... Oh..." Yoongi breathes out as you start to softly kiss the outline of his dick through his sweatpants.

"Go ahead, baby. You can complain..." You whisper patiently before rubbing the slowly swelling outline.

"Fuck..." He breathes out and groans. "Y/N, that's not... Fair." He huffs as you slowly pull out his cock and kiss the tip sweetly, as if greeting the thick member. It was your best friend after all...

"We'll give it a few hours, and then we'll say our goodbyes and head out." You say gently as you stroke your hand slowly up and down his shaft.

"I hate your coworkers..." He groans and you smirk at that. Yoongi wasn't judgmental by any means. But your fellow coworkers... They really didn't like his style, or his job, or his opinions and viewpoints... Actually, they didn't like Yoongi in general. You two really were from different worlds and you knew the world you came from was full of stuck-up rich people who only ever saw Yoongi for where he came from.

"Just think about it like this..." You begin before softly licking up his cock, watching the tip twitch. "You get to see that new red dress on me tonight, if you just agree to come." You mumble before swirling your tongue along the tip as he moans.

"Fuck, Y/N..." He moans as his hips buck up slightly, trying to feel your mouth more. It makes you moan around his tip, which in turn, makes him gasp happily. "O-Ok, ok. Just... Suck my cock, baby..." He pants, needing this. You smile and move your hand upwards along his cock, doing a twisting motion.

"And you'll try and be nice...?" You taunt, watching in amusement as he nods fast.

"Ye... Yes!" He pants hotly, hand moving to grip your hair. You smirk and get right to work...

*****************************************

"You said you'd be nice." You hiss in Yoongi's ear. He grumbles a bit in response, and you snort at the sound. "I agreed to try." He corrects in your ear, and you snicker before going back to the conversation the table was having about this week and the bad weather.

"What are you two whispering about over there?" A male coworker jokingly asks.

"Oh, you know Y/N is Yoongi's little mouthpiece." Another jokes and Yoongi stares them down till they stop their laughing. You facepalm slightly. He always had this dark, icy glare. Like a shark...

"So, uh... Yoongi," Another coworker speaks up, eyeing his leather jacket with a fake smile on her face as if she wasn't judging his outfit right now. "How's your little... Business going?" She asks with a soft laugh. Yoongi scrunches his nose at the question, eyeing her in an annoyed fashion.

"Oh, things are going great! Just had a deal close the other day, he's doing great things." You say fast in order to clear up the tension before Yoongi really comes out of his mouth with an attitude. You were actually surprised he hasn't already.

"God, do you ever talk?" Another coworker tries joking and Yoongi finally speaks up.

"Do you ever shut up? You should try it sometime, maybe it'll help lessen my headache." He says bluntly and then fake laughs. You cover your mouth as to not laugh at the shocked look on your coworker's face.

"Please, excuse us!" You say fast and get up, grabbing Yoongi and dragging him off with you. You lead him towards the bathroom and playfully hit his arm.

"I said be nice!" You say and he hums as he eyes you.

"You said try." He defends and you rub your face tiredly before you feel your boyfriend pull you into his arms. You playfully grumble and let him kiss the side of your face and down your neck lightly.

"You're such a pain..." You mutter and pull back to eye your boyfriend. He looked absolutely delicious tonight. "How the hell can I get you to behave?" You whisper and he eyes you with a smirk playing on his lips.

"I can make a suggestion..." He says and you hum.

"Reading your mind as we speak..." You tease and pull at his arm, dragging him off to the ladies bathroom.

The second you realize the coast is clear, Yoongi's already grabbing you and pulling you to the sinks. You laugh at his eagerness. "No way you're still horny..." You mutter against his lips as he kisses you hungrily.

"Blame it on this fucking dress." He grumbles and you snicker proudly, wrapping your legs around his waist.

"We're gonna have to hurry. Can't keep 'em waiting forever." You whisper.

"Fuck them..." Yoongi mutters with a snort before focusing on your neck. You shut your eyes and hum in enjoyment till you feel him bite your neck.

"Yoongi! No hickeys!" You pant.

"What? Don't want them knowing what we snuck off to do? Hm? Too bad. I want all those stuck-up assholes to know their fancy titles and big watches mean shit. Because you'd still rather fuck me." He smirks and his proud smirk makes you laugh.

"Oh? Makes you feel like you won the big dick having contest?" You joke and he presses against you.

"I don't know. You tell me..." He whispers cockily and you playfully mush his face.

"Don't talk my ear off. Hurry up." You giggle and grab the back of his neck to pull his lips to yours, kissing him deeply and passionately. He kisses back with the same heat. His hands reach under your dress for your underwear, and you shiver at the coldness of his hands.

"Wanna warm them up?" He whispers against your lips before sliding his fingers along your inner thighs.

"Fuck..." You gasp softly and your head goes back against the mirror as he slides two fingers between your folds. "Mm... Yoongi..." You gasp and he bites your collarbone as he strokes your clit.

"Please. I need it..." You pant out as if suffocated by your own desire. He pulls his fingers away and sucks them clean, much to your bashful delight. You're quick to undo his belt and the second his cock is free; your legs are spreading.

"Ha. I've trained you well..." He jokes and kisses you deeply as your legs tug him by the hips so he can slide into you already. "Fucking eager..." He taunts and slides into you. "Fuck. You were made for me..." He groans happily and you lean back to look at him with soft eyes.

"How romantic..." You tease as he bottoms out inside of you. You moan as your head rolls back.

"So fucking pretty." He whispers as he watches you closely. You grab his face.

"You can be romantic with me after you finish fucking me." You pant as you grab him in need. You core felt on fire.

"Yes, ma'am..." He whispers and gives in to you. He fucks you a bit faster as you yank off his leather jacket to feel more of him. His hands grip your hips tight to hold you in place and your hands grip the sides of the sink so you can hold your legs open. His hands go to the back of your knees to hold your legs up and wide apart.

"Yes! Oh fuck!" You moan out as your head presses against the mirror more.

"Why so loud? Because no one can hear you." He taunts in your ear, and you shiver at the thought.

"Give me more. Please..." You pant. You never knew what you were begging for exactly, but Yoongi somehow gave you what you needed every time. He angels his hips to find your spot as his thumb goes to your clit. "Baby!" You cry out as you grip his arms, always careful of holding him and he was always grateful of that...

He kisses you sloppily and pumps in and out of you, enjoying your own private world for a moment until there's a knock on the bathroom door. You're quick to cover Yoongi's mouth.

"Y-Yes?" You call as calmly as you can.

"Y/N? That you?" One of your male co-workers, Timothy, asks, and Yoongi laughs from behind your hand. You give him a look to stay quiet.

"Y-Yup. Yeah, it's me." You shakily call out cause Yoongi has decided now is a great time to slowly bottom out inside of you, so you feel every inch of him...

Your eyes roll back slightly at the pressure and the feel of his tip pressed firmly against your sweet spot.

"Are you okay in there? Did your little boy toy leave? We're sorry if we made you two fight." Tim says in an innocent tone that you and Yoongi knew wasn't so innocent. You knew Tim had a little workplace crush on you, but you were sure that always talking and showing off Yoongi would one day snap him out of whatever he thought was gonna happen between you two. But there was no realization coming from him anytime soon.

"Oh, no, we're-" You're stopped from your sentence by Yoongi sliding out and the hitting your sweet spot with the right amount of force.

"Perfect!" You call out in pure pleasure before swatting at his arm.

"Are you sure you're okay in there, Y/N?" Tim asks as Yoongi moves to your ear while fucking you hard and fast.

"Yeah, are you okay in here, Y/N?" He whispers in your ear, and you can barely focus on anything other than the bundle of heat in your stomach about to burst.

"Y-Ye... Yes..." You hiss out as you look Yoongi in the eyes with a 'I'm gonna kill you after this' look. It makes him smirk happily.

"Y/N?" Tim asks from the locked bathroom door as Yoongi kisses you hotly.

"Don't stop..." You whine quietly against his lips as he starts rubbing your clit.

"Cum, baby. Cum on my cock..." He nods fast and you tune out Tim effortlessly as you feel it coming.

"Yes!" You gasp and move closer to Yoongi, biting down on the cork of his neck as you cum.

"Fuck..." Yoongi moans quietly and holds you down on your cock so you're milking him. "That's a good girl..." He praises as you moan happily when you feel him fill you up. You grab him and kiss you as Tim starts knocking on the bathroom door relentlessly.

"Ugh. Stay here. I'll get rid of him and then you walk out." You whisper and Yoongi nods, pulling out of you. You wait for the shakiness to pass and, when you can feel your legs again, you get up and fix yourself before walking over to the door. You open it and poke your head out.

"Oh! You're okay. Thank god, cause I was so worried-" Tim is cut off by Yoongi walking over behind you, which makes you facepalm.

"Tim?" Yoongi asks as he makes it obvious that he's now fixing his belt on his pants.

"Uh... Yeah, man?" Tim asks, eyeing you both now wirily.

"You wanna fuck off?" Yoongi asks bluntly with the same casual expression on his face. You keep your face covered, not even wanting to look up at Tim.

"Uh... Yeah, yup, let me... Go back to the table." Tim mutters, a bitter look on his face before he storms off. You snort and turn to Yoongi, swatting at his chest.

"Would it kill you to be nice?" You ask and he pauses as if thinking.

"Mm... It just might. And then what would you do without me?" He plays along with the same smile that's only meant for you. You blush and nudge him lightly.

"Let's go. Before you fight someone else." You chuckle and grab his hand, pulling him off towards the table to get your stuff and run off back home.

[dishushu]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ dating miles morales 42 (hc's)

pairing: miles morales!42 x reader

warning/s: creepy men, harassment(?), cursing, BAD spanish (im so sorry yall idk how to speak spanish😭😭)

it’s actually fluff no angst i swear (maybe a little..)

a/n: guys… i’ve fallen for miles morales 42 it’s an obsesssion i SWEARR and also does anyone think that miles reminds me of bruno mars music or is it me-?!-)/

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　　°

okayokay

this boy is not open to heavy pda

like a small waist grab and a shoulder touch here and there

but he is SO touchy when you guys aren’t in public

like he will not keep his hands off of you

if his body isn’t touching you somehow

what is he doing then??

bro will NOT let you pay for ur own shit

like u already can afford it but miles is like

"nah imma pay for it, anything for mi amor"

literally if u buy something w ur own money

he would get pissed like

"if ur payin for ur own shit wtf am i gonna do w my money mi vida?"

it was one time btw and u secretly bought a shirt w ur savings

hes not jealous when other boys talk to u

cuz he be eyeing them from far and letting them know that he was yours

but like if they go too far like touching you in the wrong places and flirt w you

this man is ready to beat the FUCK outta someone

like one time

you were walking back home alone

some man just pinned you on the wall

"aint you a pretty thing?" the creepy man started to breathe down ur neck

u start to panic and like be on the verge of tears

but then u hear like a "whoosh" and the man is on the ground

like knocked out

it was the prowler, or your miles

"are you okay cariño?" his mask unfolds and he checks your body for any wounds

he vowed never to let you walk home alone after that day

he loves to give you cute nicknames

such as

"cariño" "corazón" "mi vida" "mi amor" gets you weak in the KNEES

his mom loves you so much

she would always drag you out of miles's touch and would talk to you for HOURS

you loved it and couldn't complain tbh

he is such a bruno mars fanatic (argue w the wall if u think im wrong)

like when u visit him, you open his door and always somehow Finesse by Bruno Mars or Versace on the floor is playing

(he dedicates those songs 2 u)

ever since his dad died

he never opened up and was closed in his own ball

but until he met you

sometimes he'd open your window in the middle of the night

and he would hug you tightly and you didn't say anything because

you know he's grieving and the only thing he needs right now

is your presence

© hearts4hobie.

do not steal, translate, and rewrite without permission.

(part 2?)

[munson-blurbs]

i am alrREADY SENDING IN MY REQUEST SO I DONT FORGET AND I NEED THIS

Peanut Butter Cup - Nerds

IM SO EXCITED.

Fake dating/Bookworm!Reader/Steve Harrington

Warnings: fake dating, Harrington familial dysfunction, drunk family members

WC: 1.1k

Divider credit to @saradika

Steve had heard it all from his parents:

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?”

“Just go out on a date, Steven.”

“You spend all damn day at that video store; you’re never gonna meet anyone that way.”

He normally shrugs it off, until his parents give him an ultimatum: get a girlfriend before the annual Harrington Family Reunion in two weeks, or don’t bother showing up at all. 

“Twenty years old, and you barely passed high school, work a dead-end job, and don’t even have a girlfriend,” his father mutters, disgust marring his features. “You’re a disappointment.”

The insult reverberates around his skull all day: disappointment, disappointment, disappointment. It’s not the first time his father has hurled the term his way, and it likely won’t be the last, but the impact continues to sting.

It’s still gnawing at him when you walk in the door, sliding a VHS copy of The Shining across the counter with a bashful smile.

“Sorry, I know it’s a day late,” you apologize, already digging into your bag for change. “How much is the fee?”

Steve dismisses the notion with a wave. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, already checking the movie back into the system. “You, uh, went to Hawkins High, right?”

“Mhm,” you confirm, zipping up your purse and hitching it back up your shoulder, “class of ‘86.”

“‘85,” he chirps, clearing his throat to temper his enthusiasm. “Anyway, hope the movie was good.”

You nod and smile again; the gentle upturn of your lips has Steve melting. “It was. The book was better, though.”

And that’s when Steve finally places you: back in high school, you volunteered at the school library and, on more than one occasion, had helped him find a book for research projects. You were pretty then, and you’re even prettier now.

“I haven’t read the book,” he admits, embarrassed that he hasn’t read much of anything besides a comic book or two since graduation. 

Your jaw drops. “Well, now you have to!” You grab your car keys from your back pocket. “I’ll swing by tomorrow with my copy, if that’s cool?”

“Y-Yeah, ‘s cool,” he stutters, giving his head a soft shake to shift the hair from his hazel eyes. He watches as you walk out of the store, the sway of your hips drawing him in. 

He probably would have stared forever if Robin hadn’t cut in. “Hey, Dingus, you’re drooling.”

You stop by Family Video the next day to drop off the book. And then a few days after that, you go there again to grab another movie. Soon enough, you’re a regular customer.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Steve blurts out from where he’s standing next to you as you peruse the horror section. “Feel free to say no, to tell me to fuck off, and I will. I will just…fuck right off.”

“Shoot.”

“Could you pretend to be my girlfriend at my family reunion next weekend? Nothing weird,” he rushes to add, not wanting to imply any unwanted contact. “Just hand holding, arm around your shoulder…no feels will be copped, I swear.”

You pinch your eyebrows, perplexed. “Is this the trade-off for having my late fee waived?” you tease, thumbing The Exorcist and tugging it from its spot on the shelf. “Because I’ll pay it.”

Steve laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, just tired of hearing my folks complain about me not having my life together. Figured if I showed up with a smart, pretty girl on my arm, they’d shut up for a little while.”

Your face burns at the compliments, both at the words and that King Steve is the one saying them. “What’s the dress code?”

You and Steve arrive in his Beemer, his hand already pressed to the small of your back as you walk into the restaurant. A room filled with Harringtons greet you as you enter the room, and your stomach flips as you wonder if you can pull this off.

“Showtime,” Steve murmurs in your ear, taking you around the room to meet his family. You’re suddenly self-conscious of where your black dress lands on your thighs and the cut of the neckline. Sure, Steve had approved it, but what did he know?

You note that he’s been gazing at you since he’d picked you up earlier, eyes drawn to you like a magnetic force. It’s part of the whole bit, you try and convince yourself, but something nags at you that Steve isn’t that good of an actor.

The conversations go as easily as they can; you spend the evening peppering in “facts” about your relationship that you and Steve had rehearsed over and over. Some of the details were truthful, like meeting at Family Video and bonding over horror movies. Other parts were much more embellished: relationship duration, your first date, the way Steve bragged that you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on.

It’s smooth sailing until Steve’s inebriated father stands up, clumsily clinking his knife to his wine glass. “I’d like to make a toast,” he slurs, swaying as he speaks, “to my son, Steve, and his girl! Never thought I’d see the day he’d land someone like her.”

Your eyes remain glued to the floor, waiting for the moment to be over, but if the impromptu speech wasn’t awkward enough, one of Steve’s equally drunk uncles calls out, “Give her a kiss, Stevie!”

Steve shakes his head with an uncomfortable chuckle. “Nah, we’re not really into the public–”

“Aw, c’mon!” His boisterous voice echoes throughout the restaurant. “Kiss, kiss, kiss!” he chants, and soon enough, most of the family joins in.

“Shall we shut them up?” Steve mumbles, turning to you. “Y’don’t have to…”

“N-No, we can.” It’s not the most conventional first kiss, but then again, nothing about this arrangement is normal. “We can just…”

Steve’s hand is on your cheek, nose nudging against yours as your lips press together. This isn’t a simple peck; no, it’s far more involved, more intimate, than you had anticipated.

You melt into him a bit more, resting your own hand on his bicep until the kiss comes to an end. The men hoot and holler; the women exchange awws.

“Now that,” Steve’s dad guffaws, clapping a hand on his son’s back, “is the kiss of true love!”

You manage a small smile, wondering exactly what just happened. The kiss was the best of your life, and it was supposedly just for show.

Steve’s breath tickles your earlobe as he whispers, “he may be drunk, but he’s not wrong.” His cheeks are pink at the admission.

It’s certainly a conversation you’ll need to have later, but you can’t say you disagree. For now, your fingers intertwine with his, and you give them a quick squeeze. 

Maybe it’s the wine, but you swear you love him back.

--

[alasijia]

FUCK ADS!

ft. mikage reo

summary : when your stupidly rich lover sees you complaining about ads for the nth time.

wc : 556

note : was watching a kdrama that was unavailable on netflix and disney plus and istg im abt to drop it if i have to keep watching ads every 10 minutes 😕😕 + the drama im describing is inspired by a drama my friend forced me to watch during free period. it was funky as hell but it suited this short scenario lolz

masterlist

"Why do you even care? This was purely business after all." A girl plainly stated through the phone, unknowing of the pained expression of the other end's receiver.

"Fine then, so be it. Leave, and never return." The guy said, anger clearly lacing his tone. It was clear he was unsure with his feelings, a mix of anger, sadness, and disappointment, mainly at himself.

You gasped, sitting up straighter, "No! Don't you dare let her slip that easily!" You half-screeched, toning down your voice as to not bother your boyfriend who was doing his homework. It was to no avail anyway, as he quirked an eyebrow at your silent screaming that to him, sounded like the sound that would come out of a dying horse.

"NOOO– I CAN'T. DON'T YOU DA–" You nearly sobbed, until the screen of your phone went blank for a second, before playing a video of a girl promoting a shampoo. You went speechless, mouth still hung open after being interrupted. "You okay?" Reo asked, fully turning to face you, noticing your sudden silence compared to the wailing you'd been doing before.

"Reo... I'm gonna cry. Why do advertisements exist?" You groaned, plopping down on your boyfriend's bed, throwing your phone away. The audio of the ad changed into one of a song advertising a shopping app. (indo readers, iykyk. pengiriman cpt, gratis ongkir, hanya di lazada 🤕🤕)

Reo sat down next to you, picking up your phone. "How else would companies and apps like these make money, hmm?" He rhetorically asked, tapping away at your phone. You looked up at him, watching him do... whatever it is he needed to do on your phone.

"What're ya doing?" You asked after a short while, playing with the lose string on his sweatpants. "Mm.. Nothing. Don't worry your pretty little head about it." He says, continuing his business, and moving away everytime you tried to catch sight of what he's doing on your phone. "That's my phone, though..." You sighed, missing the glorious sight of handsome and beautiful men and women on your screen.

"Just give me a moment more, 'kay, baby?" And he kept his words, as he passed your phone back to you shortly after. "Ugh, he is so hot." You rolled over on your stomach, watching intently as the main lead's brother sits across the dining table from the main lead, picking on his food. "He's rich like you too, Reo." You pointed out, and now that, caught his attention. He gasped in mock offense. Snatching the phone away, he grimaced. "Nah, he doesn't even have half the looks or charisma I've got!" He scoffs, eyeing the man shown on the screen.

"Hey, give that back!" You reached for your phone, to which he simply put his arm up, effortlessly keeping it oit of reach from you, who had your arm out while laying on the bed. "Not until you say I'm better than him." You playfully rolled your eyes at your boyfriend's antics. "Mikage Reo, my love, you are a thousand times better than this completely fictional character on a screen. Happy?" You looked up at him, boring your eyes into his purple ones. He looked back at you with a satisfied smile, "Very." He happily hands you your phone, before getting up and resuming his homework.

Funnily enough, you didn't find yourself having to worry about ads anymore as you continued to watch your k-drama. (or j-drama, c-drama, anime, movie, heck even cartoons. i don't judge 🤷‍♀️)

[hearts401]

Hai :3 do u have any wacky wild michael hcs

oh do i!

both adult and teen. loser has been on my mind again.

He gets super fucking cold for no reason and blamed it on ghosts until after fnaf 6 where he brought it up as a joke and the ghost kids were like "...none of us did that" and now he's convinced theres a whole extra ghost after him. (it was cc he didnt mean to initially but cassidy thought it was funny)

He talked to the animatronics all the fuckin time. like he just. chatted with them. especially the fnaf 2 ones. charlie had to sit there and watch him talk to actual robots thinking they were kids. they werent and she told him that in fnaf 6 because she found it so fucking funny

clumsy as HELL i know that man was banging his knee in the SL vents and swearing under his breath

teen mike was also clumsy. probably split his lip on concrete all the time as a kid.

he was also the kinda kid to say "nah, check this out!!" and wake up in the hospital

this is a gross one but. he dealt with bugs a lot post scoop (especially. flies. and what comes with them. iykyk). he'd come into work on mondays smelling like a can of bug repellant. you wont believe what he showers with instead of water.

He was williams least favorite but they had a weird relationship between him moving out and elizabeths death. like some days william despised him and michael just wanted to blow them both up with his mind and some days he comes home like "Hey mike whats up want some pizza for dinner tonight?" and michaels like "fuck yeah why not."

he's henrys favorite afton as a teen and he knows it. and he uses it. Henry fuckin loved that kid he had the man wrapped around his finger. William also notices it and he gets mad at henry over it.

in relation to that, henry was really gentle with michael which was. not helpful im sorry 😭

mike sleeps pretty casually. hes not a light sleeper but not a deep sleeper. unless hes tired. if he hasnt been getting enough sleep youll know because he sleeps like a ROCK.

he fucking loves italian food. for no reason. he just does

he unironically eats beans on toast. He tried it as a joke and then just. never stopped.

he still has his foxy mask it just doesnt fit him. he tries it on again and it hurts his head

cannot afford to go out to eat often and GOD does he complain about it. he is SO FUCKING LOUD when he complains about it. he wants his takeout man

Loves animals but they hate him. A crow tried to take a bite out of him post scoop once nad he had to fight for his life. bro saw his family for a moment there

he is so polite most of the time but if you talk to him after his shift he'll fuck you up. rudest bitch on the block and he was an asshole teen so he knows how to run his mouth

he plays solitaire.

does not know about the context but whenever hes depressed he says "tomorrow is another day" because time moves on anyways!!!! also idk i think its neat

he ate shit in the middle of his shift once and bashed his face on one of the counters and his coworker found the blood the next day and managed to start a rumor that someone died there until michael came in to work with his face bandaged up.

these are so rambly but funny so im gonna keep going

skateboards <3 totally tried to show off and ate shit until william told him if he went to the hospital again he'd take the skateboard. he still ate shit. just hid it better.

taught evan to do a lot. If he didnt feel like bullying him (for an array of reasons, but the biggest is just. boredom. or loneliness. or a mix) he'd teach him something just because he could. skipping rocks, flying a kite. michael doesnt remember it very well but evan does

cassidy kicked him in the knee so hard he was limping for an hour and so he found the golden freddy suit and kicked it too at one point. she didnt feel it tho. and jumpscared him out of spite.

he loves dogs and once brought evan to see one because his friends were busy and he hates being alone and the dog bit the shit out of evan. foreshadowing.

oh yeah i totally think he gets lonely btw. do not leave that guy alone he will get very sad and pathetic!!!

im capping myself here because jesus christ.

[safetyobstacles]

starting o segredo na floresta now, im either gonna finish this in a week or its gonna take months good luck me

update - i love joui

joui, its a little cloudy out, roll for sanity. joe, you stubbed your toe, roll sanity. joui did you just frown???????? roll a sanity test with disadvantage. that was cool joui, you gain 1 sanity. just kidding somewhere in the netherlands a child tripped and scraped their knee, you lose 10 sanity.

i think im going to put my updates under the cut instead of spamming posts B) beware of spoil

UPDATE

if cellbit takes liz or thiago from me ill never forgive him

this bar has to be its own paranormal entity, thiago would have died if the gun had a bullet in it and cristopher nearly got knifed to death in their first fight loll

EP 2

npc thiago about to be the most useless mf ever i swear if he dies to a stray ant or something ill cry just put him in a box for safe keeping

what would i do without the mental image of joui dropkicking every monster he sees

liz why are you finger painting with the ooze monsters remains and why did it give you 1 hp ?????? NEVERMIND

EP 3

RACCOON bro has 8 health but he sure is happy

faz um teste de sanidade

when i said thiago was gonna die to an ant i didnt actually mean kill him with giant spiders

cristopher no please dont climb a tree these are spiders they can climb nah bro cristopher is dead af im gonna miss him. bro cellbit just kill him already bros dead 2 hp

damn

ep 4

at this rate luba doesnt even need to roll sanity we all know hes gonna fail anyways joui's having the worst two days of his life

jesus christ i just woke up i cant handle this shit cesar's punching a hole in my itty bitty heart bones

please stop talking about leticio's cacetinho

EP 5 how long is too long for a tumblr post btw

the starting soon screen replaced cris with arthur notlikethis

cellbit is far too happy about them going to this house i hate it i hate it

i would like for them to leave a casa now :))) they got gregório time to go :) DAMN JOUI JUST GOT STEAMROLLED BY THAT ZOMBIE ROLLED A 99 VS CELLS 1 jesus christ thiago LOL NO WAY GREGÓRIO IS DEAD AF bro was just taking a nap in the car and this is what he gets

that was horribly stressful its 3 am how am i supposed to sleep after that

to be fair, if i was rodolfo and liz didnt use the tazer, i would have just dragged gregório in front of arthur and killed him in right in front of his face soo...

ROLLED 100 LOOOOOOOOOOOOL a caverna

COOL GUY ALERT HOPE HE DOESNT KILL BRULIO HAHAhahaaa

EP 6 I HAVE GREAT ANXIETY THIS MESTRE GUY IS ABOUT TO KILL HALF THE SQUAD

luba i know youve been rolling absolute dog shit the last 5 episodes but this one really counts buddy brulio :(

most stressful hour of youtube ive ever sat through i cant believe they all lived

A PORTA FORTE

EP 7 im so glad they're going back to the house im so happy ive never wanted anything else this is great nothing could go wrong in this house nothing

7 episodes in and ive just now realised that he keeps talking about circles and spirals and those have significance with a certain element and now i want them to leave carpazinha go back home forget this ever happened

undressing with the homies in the haunted basement next to a dead old man

not thiago canonically talking to a bookshelf after complaining about joui's whispering to his shotgun

THIS GRAVE IS SO COMPLICATEDDDD I BET ITS FUCKING EMPTY THEYRE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO "knock out" AN OLD LADY AND ITS PROBABLY JUST WORMS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAVEEE

this whole graveyard scene has me in tears thiago staring at nothing while they try to get him to unmute, old guy on the phone, joui picking up the old lady i just laughed so hard i feel ill

the one time joui doesnt fail a roll he loses 6 SANITY?? 8 SANITY?????????????? SENHORA VOCE TA BEM????? YOU JUST CHOKED HER OUT JOUI WAIT SHES GONNA DIE??????????? SHES GOING TO DIE???????????? THE GASOLINE IN THE MOUTH??

grounded from the shotgun for 1 week

EP 8

Thiago's pants are still fucked up from last episode btw

about to have a tpk over alchohol poisoning

if cesar survives this campaign hes gonna put as many points possible into forgery

a caverna im goign fuckign crazy the god of tdeath pr spomething is in this cave theyre gonna walk inside trip on a pebble and get eaten by hundreds of tiny cave beetles

Victor is absolutely about to get his face eated by a spider and/or be swallowed by the cave

ok but santo berço looks kinda cool like i would live there

EP 9 he just (re?)released osnf merch but i refuse to be spoiled by absolutely anything ive done so well i will not be tainted by cesar's really cool green on black long sleeve

wait i love the gatekeeper its a shame this town is probably a hallucination and theyre all actually slowly dying in the middle of the forest GIANT COWS I LOVE THE GIANT COWS WITH REGULAR SIZED HEADS

????????????????????????????????FELPS??????????????????????

buttery butter

thiago this is why you should have quit smoking

?????FELPS?????????

EP 10 so if thiago hadnt used the lighter would felps still be alive, probably just would have died later B)

bro joui has got to buy new dice this is crazy

this is gonna be the average 2 star motel experience BRO JUST DABBED ON CESAR liz is about to get bodied by the hallway ghosts this is just like a regular motel HUH UHHHHHHH

no joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy

mom i want to go home i dont want to stay in santo berço anymore jesus christ

EP 11 how am i supposed to just start the next episode after that i think the mental image of brulio beating arthurs skull in is burned into my brain space

sandwich sandwich

i love the giant cows so much i want one GIANT CHICKEN LAY GIANT EGG I LOVE THE GIANT CHICKEN intimidating the human sized pig

EP 12 still thinking about how cellbit thought new zealand was so close to europe, he was so sure of it that he was making me unsure of where i knew new zealand was

both times thiago was played by cellbit some horrific shit happened so with arthur being an npc this episode im prepared for the worst also this starting soon screen is fucking wicked

are you telling me joui's max sanity is now 12 bros been losing it for so long hes stuck like this joui is the "damn, you live like this?" meme

CELLBO ROLEPLAYED TOO HARD HIS HEADSET JOINED AS AN ENEMY AND BEAT HIS SETUP

"that sounds like a book title" bro let the intrusive thought win

baby nidere

no way the cow has been suffering this whole time ill cry

theyre about to rp their way into an angry medieval mob when they get found with the body of the dead gatekeeper B) does santo berço have dungeons, bc if they do thats where theyll be sleeping tonight nvm the gatekeeper has demons inside him sorry joui HUh no way they killed the gatekeeper dude wtf

EP 13 chat's a bit excited to go in the cave guys if anyone reads this what am i supposed to do once i finish this season. what do you mean i just have to go onto desconjuração. what do you mean i have to leave this story behind. please let me keep all the characters in this one.

THE CAVE MAP IS COOOOOOL THE LIGHT MOVES WITH THE MINER everyone struggling to flip their characters 5 mins into the cave made me laugh so hard i had to pause to breathe

I LOVE MOLES DUDE THEYRE SO COOL ok but i dont love this many moles BRO I LOVE MOTHS TOO THIS IS AWESOME wait no i hate bats THIS MOTH IS SUFFERINGGGGG

THE SUCC hes about to kill them all with the Succ out of spite thiago never mock one of cellbit's monsters again ARTHUR ZIUM

door door door door door door door door door door the gatekeeper is alive???

ih arthur nah dude let go of cesar :(((((((((((( gotta hand it to arthur hes survived two of these situations now get it, hand it to him, CAUSE HE LOST HIS FUCKING ARM WTF HIS ARM DETATCH LIKE A LEGO sorry i vote we still kill the gatekeeper just in case just to be safe

EP 14 did cellbit have a past traumatic experience with a vacuum is that why he created the Succ

agatha?????? bro agatha's life sucked big pp

every time cellbit says hes excited for something i grow more afraid

if they kill and eat the gatekeeper would he also taste delicious just wondering

i think i might know the reason why 12 sanity joui has a funky grey form but 55 sanity thiago doesnt, but maybe im crazy nevermind thiago had the funky grey within him this whole time wait does that mean hes gonna die if santo berço dies DAMN

joui just really wants to see thiago naked also hes just blatantly stealing arthur's knife he really is losing all his sanity that was possibly the most unconvincing "nada" ive ever heard

EP 15 before i start a new episode i always go to the vod on twitch and watch the memes first so i can go "hehe" for five minutes, and then go "oh no" for the next 4 hours

hypothetically, if joui managed to get the symbol on him before anyone noticed would he have just lost all 12 of his sanity and gone mad cuz that would have been crazy :,)

this is it cellbit is finally going to kill npc thiago joui is so very happy about his shotgun i thought maybe he was getting better but hes whispering to it again

alright whats up with cellbit and the outwards opening doors because i swear i have never seen a door that opens out instead of in, are all the doors like that in his home these doors are made to have creatures attack from inside ih i just checked like 3 times to make sure i was on the right episode lmaoooo

"pobre martha" DAAAAAAMN MARIANA ICE COLD

one buff woman vs all 3 equipe kelvin who will win (1 woman) crazy that equipe kelvin managed to accomplish what took our group 9 episodes to get to lool they even got the leticio cacetinho dlc, but they did skip the spider boss fight and the entire house level

THE BLACKSMITH IS MIGUEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 16 the joui, liz, and arthur cosplay look like theyre going to a nice dinner meanwhile thiago, kenan, and cesar just look homeless

idk if thiago's making it out of this one :,) maybe we just take thiago's weapons its not like he can do much to help anyways kenan wants to skin him listen brother i dont think thats gonna work im at the 52 min mark and cellbit is acting sus af the blacksmith is about to appear and stomp them all or something

joui would roll a 99 and nearly knife cesar and liz is trying so hard not to metagame her way to the explosive backpack loving how trigger happy joui is right now go on guys give him more explosives what the worst that could happen

is kenan also a wellspring do they have to kill him cuz thats gonna be kind of awkward and on that note since thiago has the symbol on him does that make him a wellspring too ill cry i will cry

NOT JOUI APOLOGIZING FOR LYING ABOUT HIS SAMURAI ANCESTRY

damn that scene between joui, liz, and thiago was the best in the entire season

i would like to take this moment before they all get swallowed alive by some horrible sludge tentacle monster to proclaim my absolute hatred of Santo Berço. I know i said at the end of episode 8 that i thought it looked cool but im over it ive moved past that point in my life i hate Santo Berço

BIG GOOEY MEATBALL

"the people are happy here!" says the blacksmith as he currently has 5 people forcefully locked up for decades that have gone mad with probably no way of ever regaining their sanity i just realised miguel and the old blacksmith fucked and had a kid

final boss aboutta come crawling out of the meatball please stop trying to skin thiago the symbol isnt gonna come off

THAT WAS SICK AF THEYRE ALL DEAD AS HELL

???????????????????? "kenan you have one last sane move before i take your character and throw him off a cliff"

:(

post i made after i finished osnf (made like 3 days later because i was so so so so so so so so so so sad)

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/739056899257942016/i-finished-osnf-after-almost-2-months-and-you-know?source=share

[gungoo4lifer]

The 30 Minutes Rule

Summary: Goo finds a way to avoid Gun's nasty ass utterly filthy disgusting smoky breath

The 30 minutes rule.

The 30 minutes rule is a rule where Gun can't make any psychial contact with Goo including cuddles, kisses and even standing next to him too close after smoking for the first 30 minutes.

And how all of this started?..

-------------

Entering their home, Gun lefts out a deep sigh in relief as he finally comes back to home from all the exhausting work, to his housewife... househusband, whatever. How odd. Usually, Goo would be right in front of him whenever he entered home, greeting him with hugs. If theres not a sight of a grinning blonde in front of him, waiting for hugs, then it must mean that Goo was in the kitchen.

''Gun?'' Goo shouts from the kitchen, his gaze on the cooking pot as he does so.

''Im home.''

''I can tell.''

Stripping his jacket that felt heavy and pulling away his tie, Gun makes his way to the kitchen to see what Goo cooked, the sight of Goo wearing the light pink apron while cooking appears in front of him, even someone as wicked as Goo can be.. adorable sometimes.

Walking towards the back of Goo, Gun wraps his arms around his beloved and shoves his head on his shoulder, nibbling onto Goo's neck. ''Welcome home dea- EEEEW you fucking stink get the fuck out of my kitchen you're going to cause the food smell like that disgusting cigarattes ugh!''

'Kiss. Give me kisses, im tired.''

''Kiss?! No way in hell when your breath fucking smells cigarettes.'' Goo clenches his teeth in both fury and annoyance, holding himself to not bash Gun's head into the cooking pot.

Gun rolls his eyes, planting a kiss on Goo's cheek, which Goo replies with a grimace on his face. ''Fucking damn it, you're gonna make me smell like that too!''

''Whatever.''

-------------------------

Not so long after, Goo finds himself sitting on the couch with Gun, with Gun's head resting on his chest as Goo scrolls down through his phone, from the way Gun looked, Goo could tell that he was going to fall asleep. No matter how strong he was, and how stable stamina he had, he could get tired too. After all, he was just a human being like the others.

''Go to sleep.''

'..I'm not sleepy.'' Gun mutters, his eyelids feeling heavy as he shuts down his eyes, already falling asleep.

''Idiot.''

Goo lefts out a small chuckle as he goes back to scrolling down on his phone, then seeing a video about a site. ''Huh?''

From what he's hearing, it seems like the site was about women who complains about their issues they suffered with their relationship goes there and asks for help, then receives answers from another women who had the same issue earlier and has experience, etc. ''Is there a men version of it?'' Goo thinks and searches, but nah.

Then suddenly, an idea pops in his mind.

And now he's an anonim, using that site. Why, you ask?

"Hello. I dont want to use my real name here right now, but i'm here to tell you girls that i suffer with my partner's smoking addiction. He always smokes and then he tries to hug and kiss me and it smells disgusting! Is there a way to avoid it? Anyone up to help? if so, please let me know.''

Damn. Even Goo is impressed, looking at his own speech, even he himself can't tell that it was himself who wrote that. ''Well, its the only way to get help isn't it?'' What can he say? Korea's a homophobic country, not many would be very impressed if they found out that they were in a relationship with Gun. Maybe its because of the fact that Gun is a damn yakuza, who knows.

After a few minutes, a notification comes up, from the same site. ''Hi, Mi-sun here! I have a solution for your problem, let me introduce you to, ''The 30 Minutes Rule.'' ''

Long story short, (because i ain't writing allat) The 30 minutes rule is a rule where your partner who smokes very often can't make any psychical contact with you for the first 30 minutes they smoke, and after 30 minutes, they can.

At first it sounds kinda complicated to Goo, but when he thinks of it.. This woman.. she's a genius.

''Thank you, Mi-sun. I'll try that! (≧ヮ≦) 💕''

-----------------------

Entering their home, Gun is greeted by the sight of Goo sitting on the couch, busy scrolling through his phone. The smell of the cigarattes fills the air as soon as Gun steps in, which immediately makes Goo pout.

Taking off his jacket and putting it on the edge of the couch, Gun sits next to Goo, a part of him curious why he's been so silent, even though he just entered home.

"Someone's silent today. Got something to say?'' Gun raises one of his eyebrows, then pauses, leaning in closer to Goo. ''But before, give me my ki-..''

"The 30 minutes rule.'' Goo grins, his palm contacting with Gun's lips. Gun backs away, slightly tilting his head in confusion. ''The 30 what?''

Pulling out his phone, Goo shows Gun the sentence that woman wrote, Gun reads all of it and then, bursts into laughter. ''This gotta be some kind of joke.''

''No it's fucking not!''

''Alright, that was hilarious. Now give me my ki-''

''Im serious.''

Silence.

Gun observes Goo's facial expression.. he seems utterly stern about this .. dumb rule. ''..No kisses then?''

''Or hugs.''

''For 30 minutes straight?''

''Mhm.''

''Urgh.'' Gun grumbles, standing up from the couch and pulling out his phone from his pocket, making his way to the shower. Goo can't see what he does on his phone, nor he cares, going back to playing games and giggling.

'Timer set to 30 minutes.'

-----------------

Watching the new episode of Jujutsu Kaisen on his phone, Goo gets interrupted when Gun comes out of nowhere and grabs his phone, which causes to Goo turn his face to him, an obvious frown on his face, wondering why the hell he did that. "What the fuck, man-"

Cupping both of Goo's cheeks roughly, Gun leans in for a kiss, interrupting Goo again with no guilt at all. The face expression he got from Goo was priceless, eyes wide, eyebrows fully raised at the sudden kiss, however, it doesn't takes long for him to accept the offer, extending his arms to wrap his arms around Gun's neck, pulling him closer to the kiss and kissing him utter passion to the point that both of them were breathless as the need of air increased every single second passed by, forcing them to pull away. Pulling away, a stray of saliva disconnects between their lips.

As soon as the kiss ends, Gun mutters, "The 30 minutes is over."

Raising his eyebrows, Goo pauses for a second, wondering what the fuck Gun was talking about, then it hitting his head after several seconds. "Ooohhhh," he laughs, a smug smirk replacing his surprised face. "Did you set a timer or what?"

"No."

----------

Walking up to his car, Gun lets out a sigh of relief to the thought of the exhausting work finally being over, and now getting to go to his home. To his home.

Inserting the key into his car's lock and opening the door, Gun's hand almost slides down on his pockets on their own, for a quick cigarette break.

He pauses.

He stares down at the cigarette package.

If he smoked now, how many minutes would it take for him to get home? 10? 15? Should he smoke and drive slow, so that 30 minutes could pa-... Oh, for fucks sake.. screw this.

Throwing the cigarette package on the seat, his grip on the steering wheel gets tighter as his teeth clenches in annoyance. Damn it, Goo..

------------

The sound of the door unlocking by a key reaches to Goo's ears, not even bothering to look up from his phone to see who it was, since he already knew well who it was.

"Not even a welcome?"

"Shh, keep quiet, watching something here." Goo shouts, his gaze still on the phone, Gun doesn't gets surprised at the sight of the video being an anime, judging from the Japanese talking reaching his ears.

Getting behind Goo's lying presence on the couch, Gun leans in closer to look at Goo. "Did you cook anything?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's on the kitc- … wait a minute.." Slowly putting down his phone and turning his gaze to Gun with narrowed eyes, Goo slightly tilts his head, trying to understand what was feeling off about Gun, then it hits his head.

"You- you don't-" To confirm his almost impossible thought, he grabs Gun's tie and pulls him closer to inhale his scent, then being correct about it. "You don't smell like cigarettes?!"

Gun lets out a slight chuckle at Goo's surprised reaction. "What?"

"Who are you and why are you in my house. Did you kidnap Gun or what?"

"You think I'm a guy who someone can kidnap easily?"

"Oh, that's right." Goo agrees, pausing for a second. "Are you a demon possessed Gun's body?!"

"I couldn't smoke because of an idiots ridiculous rule today. Can you believe it?" Gun raises one of his eyebrows, waiting for an answer from Goo.

"The 30 minutes rule?"

"Yeah, that."

Goo smirks, "So that's why you didn't smoke?"

Gun pauses. "Maybe."

A chuckle leaves Goo's lips, placing his hand on the back of Gun's head and pulling him closer, then planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

"..Seriously? On the cheek? I didn't smoke just for a kiss on the cheek?!"

Laughing, Goo pulls Gun closer and rewards him with a kiss on the lips for not smoking for just once.