#NOW THO people be coming up with legit arguments about why this is true

[lady-tortilla-chip]

I’m curious about why the fandom rn be going so hard with “Dazai’s weak/Chuuya is stupid” like for starters that’s so incredibly false and the narrative makes that clear. But also, WHY is it so EXTREME with y’all? Dazai can’t be strong because Chuuya’s stronger? Chuuya can’t be smart because Dazai’s smarter? How does that make sense? Especially when the story/narrative directly contradicts that idea?

[isoldmysoultojonahclemence]

hello! I was wondering if u could make a summary of all the suitors' flaws n how Jonah would react to them

I would be more than happy to!

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Ray: his main flaw is his willingness to trust others that are close to him. That doesn’t really sound like a flaw, but in Seth’s route, even though he knew that there was a spy, he still refused to believe that his one of his friends could’ve betrayed him. That’s super nice of him as a friend, but I feel like Jonah wouldn’t consider it as a good trait for a King.

Sirius: he has the physical inability to express his feelings properly. Like, in his own route, he barely ever said “I love you” to MC, and I feel like he’s trying really hard to fit into the “mature and stoic guy” category. Jonah kinda struggles with the same things (can’t talk about feelings + tries to be cool), but I don’t think he’d appreciate them in someone else. 

Luka: he’s unwilling to change his own perceptions. For example, in his own route, one of the big things he struggle with is feeling unimportant because ppl don’t need him. That’s not actually true, bc he’s the Jack of Spades now and an entire territory is depending on him, but he’s so stuck in his own idea of himself that he can’t even see it in another way until MC comes along. He also applies this to Jonah, and strongly believes that Jonah abandoned him when Jonah was training to become Queen. I don’t know if Jonah will understand why Luka acts likes this, but he’s always going to be sad when his beloved little brother detests him.

Fenrir: he’s way too obsessed with fights. Look, I know that his description is “a battle-crazy gun maniac” and he uses magically modified guns and he doesn’t mean any harm by liking to fight bc he’s a super active guy, it’s still kinda unsettling (also bc I can’t actually think of any other character flaws bc Fenrir is a good boi). Jonah would definitely find this behavior untasteful, especially since Fenrir also comes from a good family.

Seth: probably how manipulative he is. In his own route, his mission is to “seduce” MC into joining the Magic Tower (remind you of anyone else???), and he succeeds in making MC fall in love, like, 10 parts in. He also fell in love with MC along the way, but he lured her with his body XDD. Jonah probably disapproves of some of his methods, but he can’t complain too much because he kinda did the same thing.

Lancelot: he’s too self-sacrificing for his own good. I mean, when Amon became a threat, instead of telling everyone else about it, he chooses to shoulder the burden himself. I can understand that he’s trying to spare those that he cares about, but he should know that the others aren’t exactly weak and fragile. Jonah would be super frustrated by this (like in part 23 of his own route), and he’ll try to help his King in whatever way he can.

Edgar: his shadiness oof. Like, at first you think that he can be trusted, and then you think that he can’t, but in the end you find out you actually can. He’s like an inverted oreo: white on the outside, black on the inside, but actually still white deep down inside. Being the honest person he is, Jonah probably struggled with Edgar’s personality at first. But they’ve known each other since they were children so Jonah probably got used to it over time.

Zero: you know what? After mulling over this for ages, I can’t actually think of any of Zero’s flaws. He’s literally the goodest boi in Ikerev.  

Kyle: his insensitivity to others’ emotions. He cannot read the atmosphere most times and he’s also one of the most emotionally clumsy people in the game (afsdfdf he’s adorable). However, Jonah is the type of person who needs to be handled with care, since he’s not the most emotionally able person ever. It would’ve definitely rubbed Jonah the wrong way at first, but just like how it was with Edgar, Jonah probably got used to it over time.

Harr: his unfrienliness probably. He’s literally the nicest person once you get to know him, but the emphasis is on once you get to know him. Unfortunately, not a lot of people have that privilege, and this is even before he became the infamous Joker. He’s just naturally introverted and aloof. Actually, pre-Joker!Harr reminded me of Jonah, because they’re equally tsundere and bad with expressing their feelings. Apparently Harr and Jonah didn’t get along great tho, so maybe Jonah doesn’t like to see his own personality reflected in others.

Loki: he’s a bit too clingy and has a tiny bit of yandere-ish tendencies (though I wouldn’t consider him as a yandere). Jonah would understand the clinginess to those he cares about (he’s the cling of hearts for a reason guys), and he could probably understand Loki’s desire to hold on tightly to people that are important to him.

Blanc: he’s a jerk because he’s only giving us glimpses of his backstory without any clarification and it makes me want to tear my hair out. Jonah is gonna march up to Cybird HQ and demand a route for Blanc.

Oliver: in Ikerev TW, one of his descriptions was “毒舌” and it literally means “poisonous tongue,” which describes Oliver pretty well. I get that some people are pretty attracted by his quick wit, but generally speaking, insulting someone every other sentence isn’t exactly a good habit to have. But like, just imagine Oliver and Jonah getting into an argument. Idek who’s gonna win.

NOTE: I don't really know that much about the next three suitors (Mousse, Dean, and Dalim), so I'll have to make my best guess about their flaws. If their route comes out (goodness knows when that'll be), I'll come back and see if I've got anything wrong!

Mousse: definitely his sleepiness and tendency to fall asleep in places other than his bedroom. I totally understand the desire to sleep all day every day, but I can see why it’d be super annoying. At any rate, Jonah certainly seems to think so, since he abhors laziness and Mousse is pretty much the epitome of laziness (unless it comes down to the things that he like, and then he turns super energetic).

Dean: his cruel and unusual ways of punishment that’s referenced many times throughout the series??? I don’t know much about him tbh (sorry to all the Dean stans!!!). Jonah has never complained about it (or even mentioned Dean at all), but he must’ve been Jonah’s teacher during some point in the Ikerev universe, especially considering that Jonah and Harr were in the same grade and Dean makes an appearance in Harr’s Class Companions event route.

Dalim: probably that he’s overly-dedicated to those he’s loyal to. Dalim knows that Amon is not a good person and what he’s doing is very wrong, but he still does Amon’s bidding because he is a firm believer in Amon supremacy. However, he has tried to save Cradle on multiple occasions, so I guess that makes up for it. In fact, I think that Jonah would actually appreciate this flaw, because he’s just as dedicated to Lancelot as Dalim is to Amon, and they both tried to intervene when they believed that their King/Lord was up to something bad.

THIS FOLLOWING PART IS FROM @theboredhawk!!!

You could also say that one of Dean's more obvious flaws is that he's very blunt. While he's a smooth talker when it's convenient for him, more often than not he doesn't sugar coat his words when he's pointing out other people's flaws.He says it like it is. This might lead to Jonah being offended on more than one occasion. On the other hand, i don't think Jonah likes Dalim's debauchery. He might think that he fools around too much. He might've chastised him at some point, but gave up when he saw that he wasn't listening. Dalim is hard to tame. There were a few times when he didn't listen to Amon's orders and he also did that thing at the end of Ray's ttlg route which proved that he's not as loyal to his lord as he seems.

BONUS:

Jonah: Jonah literally stated himself that he knows how reckless and stubborn he is, but he doesn’t have any intentions of changing that. And I just. That’s actually such a strong thing to do??? He legit accepts himself as he is without trying to change anything about the way he is. Self-acceptance level 10/10.

[szivtalan]

otp questions for endhawks.........will u kick me if i'm greedy and say ALL OF THE NUMBERS

I WILL NOT but this might take a while tho!!!!

1. Who is the most affectionate?

hawks is more physically affectionate - he'll link their arms together, cuddle to enji's side in public, climb in his lap when they're home, hold his hand, initiate kisses more. but it's enji that people notice sending fond looks for his boyfriend so many times it becomes embarrassing - tabloids will have a whole article on endeavor's "heart eyes" ("my eyes are not hearts" enji frowns at the magazine in hawks' hands, who just shrugs and grins "seems like they are for me") so i would say, deep down the big man's a softie too

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

enji/hawks. unless enji has a nightmare, because in that case, hawks is more than happy to be his lil jetpack.

3. Most common argument?

ah they fight about the most useless things but one of my favorites that must come up often is enji thinking that hawks deserves better than him, and hawks insisting that he's everything he ever wanted.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

kicking villain ass and family dinners. hawks likes to eat, and enji likes to eat with his loved ones all in one place. he wonders why hawks gets along so well with his children, and then he realizes - he forgot (again) how insanely young hawks is, and that he's merely a few years older than his youngest son, too. ngl natsuo glares daggers at his old man for having a boyfriend half his age ahahaha

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

given that enji could swing hawks around like a yo-yo, i think it's him ADJGSGH

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

hawks likes everything about enji. he's really into his body, but also his dry sarcasm, his occasional goofy jokes, and most of all, his heart. hawks will watch enji kneel down to a couple of children at a battlefield, his own face and hands dripping with blood, grunt out "are you alright, kiddos? come here, i'll get you somewhere safe" and see him do exactly that, scoop the kids up in his arms and carry them on shaking legs that could barely keep himself up, and then he will see him let his eldest burn the world, his second eldest scream at his face, his youngest treat him like dirt and know that he still cares so deeply for them, know that he loves them and wants the best for them and if the best is torment their father until he dies or worse, he'll let them without so much as a complaint.

enji, on the other hand, loves how easily hawks can lift the mood. he's learned to see through facades, and he'll call him out if he senses that it's hurting hawks to put on a mask, but hawks joking around and mouthing off makes our atlas feel like the weight of the world is a little lighter that day. he loves him for how driven he is, how graceful and hard-working and focused he seems in a fight, and thinks about how those traits were most important to him in the past but now he can see hawks use them to create a world where they can rest, and he realizes... that's not so bad an idea after all.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

enji speeds up the process of divorcing his wife lol. also he becomes more nervous around hawks, because shit, he likes him too, but he shouldn't be liked, why does hawks even like him? when hawks learns that enji likes him too, he gets shamelessly flirty. he doesn't make a move, of course - enji is still a married man, but he'll laugh at his nervousness, play with his own hair for enji's viewing pleasure and send suggestive winks his way like the damn tease he is.

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

enji calling hawks birdie is pretty obvious. hawks alternates every petname imaginable for enji when he learns that he's never been called one (he figures it out when he jokingly calls him darling once and enji blushes to the roots of his hair), his favorite is "sweetheart" and "baby". enji also calls hawks his angel, but only when he's being very soft for him

9. Who worries the most?

i mean..... both? enji tends to worry more for hawks' safety and hawks worries more for the crushing guilt enji lives with.

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

hawks - claims he does, but the truth is, he says a different thing each time and enji's happy to try new things as long as hawks will beam at him proudly after ordering

11. Who tops?

depends. they both do. enji topped more at the beginning because hawks was really into it and he was kinda insecure about asking for anything else, but hawks once offered and found out that he has a delicious bottom bitch on his hands.

12. Who initiates kisses?

hawks. height difference doesn't really matter when you have wings to fly up to your boyfriend's face and kiss him stupid

13. Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

enji does. he wants to feel that hawks is by his side all the time, safe and sound.

14. Who kisses the hardest?

again, enji. his kisses get desperate, his hands rough. his temperature goes up despite his will and he just wants hawks to melt against him

15. Who wakes up first?

enji does! he's used to working out in the early morning before going to work

16. Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

hawks does!! deep down he's still a rebellious lazy teen and whenever he has a day off, he likes to sleep until 12. he swears he considers breaking up with enji the first time the man wakes him up at 6 to ask if he wants to come work out with him

17. Who says I love you first?

surprisingly, enji does. hawks is way too protective of his own feelings to let them flow out so soon, but enji is desperate, he wants hawks by his side for ever, and the first time he says it is the first time he realizes it's true. they're out eating dinner one day, and enji watches hawks chew around the food in his mouth, downing chicken like his life depended on it, and he watches the last rays of sunlight hit his golden hair, his golden eye, paint his wings blood red, and he knows he hasn't seen anything more perfect than that sight. he tells him he loves him, and hawks laughs so much he almost chokes on food. "pretty fucked up to tell me that while i'm deepthroating yakitori" he tells him, giggling

18. Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

hawks!!! it usually says cheesy things like "good luck at work, endeavor-san!" or "don't forget to eat ur vegetables!" when there are zero vegetables in the lunches hawks packs for him

19. Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

i mean hawks doesn't have much connection to his family, or has many friends, but enji is kind of pressed to tell his family all about his relationship since, you know. the news would reach them sooner or later anyway

20. What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

mirko is THRILLED that hawks is dating endeavor. the todoroki family, i mean.... shoto is confused, natsuo is mad, fuyumi and rei are both supportive and say they both want the best for enji. but mostly they just all think that he's really. Really young lol

21. Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

hawks!!! he likes to dance around the kitchen while enji is cooking or doing the dishes, and sometimes manages to seduce enji into his arms too.

22. Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

hawks is a better cook, but he never tells enji about that. he just lets him suffer and teach himself how to cook because it's so much fun

23. Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

hawks, but he says nothing he would ever say can beat enji calling him his angel. that's the cheesiest it can get, and it's also only because of his wings, like shut up enji omg that's so embarrassing

24. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

hawks gets bored on important meetings. then he looks over to enji in a suit and gets horny. one of his favorite hobbies is watching enji squirm and struggle to keep it together after he's stroked his thigh under the table and whispered filth in his ear

25. Who needs more assurance?

enji does. he really, honestly thinks he doesn't deserve the love hawks has for him.

26. What would be their theme song?

my dude every song on ur playlist could be but this one in particular takes the cake for real

27. Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

in an au where enji's kids are still kids instead of grown adults, hawks would definitely read to them (sometimes legit tales, sometimes just colored-up and censored versions of their dad's missions) and cuddle them to sleep while he hums to them softly. in a non-au, enji catches him with shoto sleeping all wrapped up in his arms and wings, right after comforting him when he had a nightmare, trying to keep awake but slowly dozing off holding enji's youngest, most precious son, and enji kind of falls in love a lot more.

28. What do they do when they’re away from each other?

text, call, videochat. hawks makes a show of wearing some of enji's clothes, but really, you can't keep these assholes away from each other.

29. one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

enji will never think he deserves to have hawks by his side

30. one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

hawks will never grow tired of showing enji how much he deserves him.

[light-of-being]

a very fkin long and incomplete exposition of my flaws as a human being

I've not really spoken about the probably most consequential event in my recent life (the ending of a long term relationship), and that's because I haven't really thought about it very much. At least, not in a clear-headed space not entirely filled with rage, fear, or initially, longing. So, I've mostly just been waiting for the intensity of those responses to wear out before I can go back and make sense of things in a sorta 'safe' way.

(These days it's mostly anger and/or hurt. Sometimes twinges of hatred, but those fizzle quickly. I know that attitude isn't 'true'. I tried to hate him, I really did. Things would be so much simpler that way — an obvious villain of pure evil, a mistake worthy of contempt. Put him behind me as someone I regret meeting and consider everything only as a flashing warning sign of what to avoid next time. But real life never is that easy, is it.)

Regardless, reading about miscellaneous psychological ~stuff, I realised that I know for sure now that there are sides of me that only come out in a close relationship, as they postulate. It's unfortunate that my exposure to this was only in such a toxic environment, and I'm not sure if or when closeness has any chance of happening again.

I suspect, based on what I have/haven't felt with him vs others, that I can (at least at this stage of my development) only really feel 'seen' by an antisocial/narcissist/schizoid (or something in that general direction), just hope to god it's a mature one next time. I might want to interrogate and possibly change that fact, I'm not sure it's at all a healthily arrived preference. But...

there is a degree of normalcy and social belonging in others that becomes a wall

I can relate superficially, cognitively and even 'deeply personally' (tho is all y'all's deeply personal shit necessarily relational?), have a good time and even feel 'connection' but there are parts that seem simply insurmountable.

The lack of relating to many things is the unifying factor between me and the specified groups: the shared experience of not having shared experiences

But yet, a more acute awareness of superficiality, and the drives and mechanics of human interactions, attitudes, identity and constructs, not taken for granted as default but built from the ground up (Most often out of either necessity or a desire to manipulate them, but still).

Actually, most straightforwardly, the shared experience of experiencing oneself as an outsider to society — whether people personally, accepted norms or expected attitudes towards self and other.*

Anyway, that was a whole semi-tangent I went off on (useful and relevant to the initial thought but not the point I was planning on).

Important point was...ah yes, insights!

...into how I behave under genuine relational circumstances. Due to aforementioned toxicity, I'm not sure how generalisable they are to relationships overall, but they should generalise to feeling-states.

1.

(a) Fear. Defensiveness.

Switches off my brain. Obvious? No. I have been actively strategic while having a gun pointed at me. I thought I had that down. Turns out, I cannot dissociate myself out of an argument most of the time.

Turns out, just the fact or even prospect of arguing activates panic and brain goes out the window. Which is really fucking stupid as an occurrence because how many of these could be prevented with a bit of mindfulness and thoughtful responding. But getting emotions to chill out for long enough to do that is tough.

(b) I am a stubborn dumbass. Kid me argued until they were attacked so harshly that they absolutely could not continue. The alternative presented was to just keep silent, one I did not then and do not now accept. Discussion where both parties partake in good faith have generally been fruitful, only neither of these situations were that. Both involved one person trying to dominate at all costs. To which I suppose keeping silent for the moment and then running tf away is an appropriate response. Idk. I'm not sure if this is a 'normal situation' to which I respond unhealthily, or an 'abnormal situation' in which you just do your best to survive. Arguments are normal. Idk if other people have a less aggressive approach that is less outright terrifying, in which I can modulate, but it does seem like people want to prove you wrong and get angry, which I perceive as aggression.

2. 

Which brings me to boundaries. Can I shut things down when I'm overwhelmed. In the present case, the answer was no. They both didn't stop and the fact that I asked for this was interpreted as admission of defeat.Oftentimes, getting out of the situation was more of an ordeal than dealing with it. [We stayed at a hotel the one time and he did things that made me very uncomfortable (in like a “things that I shudder at thinking about even now” kind of way; not sexual btw which this has made it sound). I thought I was as clear as I could’ve been by saying, “I’m going to legit have a breakdown if you keep doing that” but apparently it came across as a joke (gotta improve on communication as well). He stopped and apologised when he realised I was crying, but later blamed me for not being more assertive and laughed at my ‘exaggerated’ response and “meltdown”. At this point I wanted to leave and go home, but he withheld [my copy of] the key. He insisted and manipulated and coerced for discussion, said I could have the key if I “really wanted it, but do I actually want that”, until it was just easier to give in. The helplessness and feeling trapped of that evening haunts me to this day, and I want to be very sure to never be in any situation where that is even a possibility again no matter what.]

I need to get better at knowing what is and isn't okay and being strong enough to enforce that.

3.

(a) Attachment is a bitch. Utterly unfamiliar sensation, one I don't know my way around at all. The rarity of relation makes it seem so fucking precious, so fucking necessary to protect even to my detriment and his. Dare I tip the boat or will it sink. Should I be the dancing monkey to keep it from sinking. Should he.

(b) The feeling of giving a damn what someone thinks of me is also foreign and difficult. It also seems hella intensified by virtue of not existing elsewhere. Disapproval feels devastating. Criticism becomes attack. Everything feels like a continuous effort to establish worth. I'd imagined acceptance could be taken for granted, but I questioned it the whole way (obviously doesn't help when he demands changes).

(c) I have trouble distinguishing between personal issues and insecurities and legitimate reason to be upset. I think this is typical. But with trial and error, one can probably pick up on what you carry with you across differing people and circumstances. I don't have that data. I have nothing to compare against. I also suspect some parts of this is him treating legitimate reasons as being my distorted perceptions, which I'm pretty sure did happen for a few things that I believe are 'objectively' shitty.

5. 

I trust. Too. Fucking. Much. I take shit at face value. This is very often dumb and...bad in literally every sense, but I don’t yet know how to identify preemptively when that's the case. I also fail to be adequately 'suspicious' I guess to be alert to minor inconsistencies later on. Lies are especially devastating. I built my reality around you using that fundamental premise. Now you tell me it was false all along. Where does that leave me? I go back to substitute and nothing makes sense. I don't know if the initial statement was a lie or the claim that it's false was. I don't know if everything I remember is just distorted somehow. I don't know what to do. (aside: gaslighting? I’m inclined to say “effectively, yes”. The best explanation I have is that for many things he rewrote the narrative in his own mind and does not remember the things that blatantly contradict it. For other things, I cannot see that being possible and am forced to think it’s just pure lies). All of this could have been prevented if I accounted for people being dishonest.

6. 

(a) I lose sympathy. Genuinely did not ever expect this to happen. Enough hurt, enough deception and I stop trying to understand why. I assume malice. I expect malice in future interactions and misread situations as a result. In the beginning I made fucktons of effort to be understanding of things far from my typical range (hello, admissions of past violence and present homicidal ideation. Hello, talking someone out of real intention of ruining a person's life over a minor slight). Honestly, I think I overreached. Some of these things were not things I should have tolerated, accepted even. When I started walking on eggshells to not have him ruin my life, too, that was probably when I should've gotten out. He claimed that the people he cares about are exceptions. That's probably true, otherwise I would currently be in a ton of shit. But at some point I did stop believing it.

(b) I don't really think that most of the things that happened were malicious. Some, he admits, were. But mostly he wasn't out with the intention to hurt me, but he also didn't make the effort...not to. Even with me repeatedly complaining about things, he was defensive or dismissive, considering me talking about an issue to be me creating issues in his life. This is super shitty, his damage is caused by a stubborn ego fixation and sheer passivity, thoughtlessness (he has agreed to all of this in our final conversation), but it isn't exactly intentionally malicious. If he genuinely didn't believe there was a problem, that is an issue, and the fact that he utterly failed until the end to even consider the possibility of a valid complaint, is a very real flaw. He is bad insofar as "he is lazy and incompetent at being good". Which I can understand but nevertheless protect myself from. Ideally, sooner. At the point where I start feeling like someone is being shitty more often than not, something needs to happen. A discussion, a reconsideration, a run-as-fast-as-you-can... Something.

Idk. This isn't everything. But yeah.

.

.

.

* These 3 PDs are often used in illustrating the idea of pathologising difference: few of the criteria are about subjective distress and many about extrinsic value judgements of what a person should be like (lol, my clinical psych final had an essay question on this). I don't necessarily agree but it does speak to a shared thread of...something. That said, this characterisation is tbh still too broad for my liking. Importantly, it is definitively applicable to autistic people but I do not in general relate to that in the same way. Some specific manifestations of it, yes, but I have seen far too many excessively... 'human' autistic people to include the whole category. There are probably folks in the PD categories who are also like that but I think much less common.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Also how does Shadow Futaba break the game?

(sorry for taking so long btw, took awhile to type) Oh geez where to begin… Ok I think I should note I did talk about my issues with Shadow Futaba (or at least how I think saying she’s “P4 dungeons but better” is a vast insult to P4 cause no she is not, as well as what I’m about to go in here too but screw it might as well try to restructure my issue on her as a Shadow Self). And I’m only going to talk about the Shadow Self, not the….wholeass issue with how cognition is kind of inconsistent in her dungeon compared to the rest of the game (nor the fact we 100% didn’t need to face the Spinx, the biggest BS fight we are forced to endure when we didn’t have to, second only all the mid bosses in Shido’s dungeon :/).

So like….S!Futaba makes no sense, not sure if I remember saying “break the game” (I probably did), but she does create issues (in both P5 and other games).

So let’s get some points established. Shadows are usually stuff we reject (usually dark/bad but sometimes light/good, S!Futaba is the latter). S!Futaba is the manifestation of Futaba’s will to live, she wants Futaba to live, she also has the positive memories of her mother in her (this isn’t important tho, we’re gonna just focus on the living part cause that’s where the issues are). S!Futaba has no control of her dungeon (due to Futaba’s unstable state I guess). Other Shadow Selves in P5 are shown to be on the same page as their hosts and to be running the show/dungeon (aka they are acting on their desires).

Ok we got it? Good, so where’s the issue. So Futaba’s suppose to be special, not just cause she has a positive Shadow (but that is one thing), but because she has no control over her Palace. Right? So her not having control, would mean she wouldn’t have any influence on Futaba like the other antagonists (for example: Kamoshida, Kamo is def letting his Shadow run wild, Shadow Kamo thinks he’s a king and can do whatever he wants, Kamo irl does the exact same thing irl albeit it in a way he doesn’t get caught outright).

So explain…..why in the every loving fudge does Futaba’s interest line up with S!Futaba? Both don’t want Futaba to really die, that’s why Futaba got in touch with the PT! To keep her from killing herself! If her Shadow was not in control, why would Futaba do something her Shadow would probably want her to do (aka find some sort of help/activate some kind of living instinct)? And we can’t say “oh she was really in control” cause she states she is not. (Cause I mean, if Shadow Futaba embodies Futaba’s will to live, and if she was in control of the Palace, I don’t think Futaba being suicidal would be the issue. If anything the issue would then be that Futaba wants to live so bad, she doesn’t care who might get in her way and will harm other’s to do it…..not sure how without trying to think up unrelated scenarios, tho Suzaku from Code Geass comes to mind, but that’s probably how the extreme desire to live might manifest in a negative-distorted way).

So basically there’s a big issue with no explanation.

We have a character who is rejecting their will to live, and thus a positive shadow self is created to embody it. But that shadow self can’t control the palace, and thus the will of the host and shadow self shouldn’t align…..but some how they do. But how does that make sense? “I don’t want to live and I want to kill myself….but I’ll somehow have enough self preservation to want to still live?” Like……it’s weird. Chie was jealous of Yukiko, but she denied it, and pushed it down, down down down so that she couldn’t wouldn’t acknowledge it, she rejected it, and did things to try to hide the jealousy she didn’t want to acknowledge herself. And was only confronted with it when she was forced to via P4 means. Futaba doesn’t show the same form of rejection to her own life, which makes it really weird she wants to still live, when we’re suppose to believe she doesn’t and her Shadow is the true embodiment of her will/want to live. Cause then were’s the rejecting going on?

There’s also the fact Futaba believes she killed her mom, and the Shadow is supposed to be a rejection of that falsehood (as Futaba didn’t, and representing the truth instead). But for a good portion of the dungeon Shadow Futaba is like “I killed her, I should die, I must die.” And then later she’s like “Lol jk, you totes didn’t kill your mom.” Like pick a thing gdi. Are you being misleading on purpose? Or did the writers just change what you represented half way through? Or did they not realize the implications of their own dialogue? It’s kind a stupid to mislead tbh (and she’s def not helpful, I get you have no control of your palace but you aren’t exactly helping Futaba when we are legit the people who are trying to help Futaba, and Futaba asked and you know this and WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH??? just be more helpful! freaking Metis had more of a reason, no she stated her reason for not trusting SEES, because technically they were going to screw the world over with their guilt/depression. But there’s no reason to distrust the PT, or at least not at least help them more while keeping an eye on them just…..if you had Futaba’s best interests in mind, you’d take the help that was being given a bit more seriously), anyway, it’d make more sense if Shadow Futaba was like “Futaba thinks she killed her mother” instead of “I killed my mom”.

There’s also the fact we have another character who is suicidal in P5 and the way their shadow acts is…..very….very different. While we never see it, it’s heavily implied by the game that Shiho’s shadow is what drove her to attempted suicide in the beginning. But that’s…..strange….. We have Futaba, who has no will to live (at this point theoretically cause the game’s not backing it up what it’s stating anymore, cause again, her Shadow IS her will to live and Shadows are made by rejecting shit so *flips table*). But Shiho’s seems to be embodied by her rejection to her want for death as a means for escape her pain/prison (as Shiho also stated, she didn’t wish to die she wanted to live but also wanted to escape and rejected the idea of killing herself as a means until it became too much). As she said, it felt like someone was whispering in her ear to just do it. And…..that feels more logical as a Shadow Self tbh, she rejects it, but soon succumbs to the shadow (similar to other Palace owners and Mementos bosses do, they succumb to their desire for something, in this case it was probably Shiho’s desire for escape). But why is it so different? Shiho wants to live and rejects death as a means of escape before giving into that desire like so many other Metaverse Shadows and Hosts (aka their desires line up). But Futaba, who apparently rejects living and has a Palace her Shadow can’t control (and thus doesn’t seem to be able to influence Futaba), yet somehow they are on enough of a page to seek help….despite so much apparently working against them…..and there’s no explanation.

Now if Futaba was similar to Shiho, and she was rejecting the idea of killing herself, but her Shadow was the embodiment of her suicidal tendencies she was ignoring. That’d be one thing. Sure she wouldn’t be a Positive Shadow, but it’d at least make sense without trying to bend itself over backwards at the very best, and at the very worst bending over backwards to just fail and create issues and never fix them (which seems to be the case imo). Or you know, just focus on her mom issues and just……nothing to do with the suicidal bs? That part is a bit cleaner, well on Futaba’s end, Shadow Futaba is being wishy washy with her fudging dialogue so who the fudge knows. Or you know, if they wanted to full lean into the positive shadow thing, have Futaba actually not reaching out for help but someone else (maybe Sojiro, or maybe Tae might even know about her) and asking on the Phansite for help with a suicidal girl. That would mean S!Futaba can still be positive, and it doesn’t cause issues with irl Futaba (and they can keep the rest in the dungeon relatively the same, I mean make S!Futaba not be wishy washy with some of the stuff she says but other than that it’d work out better lore/world building wise).

There’s also the fact she sucks as a positive shadow self. She’s emotionless compared to Metis, and sucks at trying to protect her host unlike Metis. For a Shadow that’s really concerned for her host, she doesn’t really show it, nor does she make too much of an attempt. This isn’t so much game breaking as much of a disappointment character/writing wise she is (as both a positive Shadow Self, and just a Shadow Self in general). Like, shit, tbh Metis is basically Aigis’ will to live too (as well as emotions), since Aigis was basically just going to off herself (well basically, she’s gonna turn herself off) at the end of the day too, with Metis being like “Hell no *ties a bunch of pillows and bubble wrap around Aigis* YOU ARE GONNA LIVE, I’M GONNA PROTECT YOU! AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU, LIKE IF YOU DIE, I’M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN  MYSELF! BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE YOU ARE GONNA LIVE TOASTER-ONEE-CHAN!” Like writing wise, S!Futaba is such a downgrade from Metis, like I’m sure some might find Metis annoying, but god DAMN did that Shadow have conviction. And like while I think it’s just bad character writing on S!Futaba’s end, you could very well make the argument that it might be a world building issue too. Aka, “They’re basically the same kind of shadow but they don’t…….act or react in the same way…” And like when I mean same, I don’t mean they need to be exactly the same beat for beat. S!Futaba could totally be a bit more chill than Metis, but having similar consistency to Metis would….just make more sense than not having similar consistency.

[tayegi]

Ohhg God Mijoo really got her I gasped thru the whole conversation I can't believe I never really noticed but oc really doesn't talk much about jimin as an individual but really as this beautiful warm light and it totally makes sense that she was just idolizing him also I was sick thru all the angst girl I just really want her to be happy but the moment in the sea!!! Oh my God I'm screaming I just gosh I'm really rooting for her :( for them :( (PS hobi is making me uncomfy nd I don't know y)

Anonymous said:mijoo and the oc should just date

Anonymous said:BCH I am living for that friendship scene between mijoo and y/n where theyre staring at the stars ahh such a lovely scene

Anonymous said:this is the third time that i try to write this ask and i can’t still find the right words to express how much i love mijoo and the oc’s friendship. i love their interactions, i love how they both work hard to resolve a conflictual situation. i love how mijoo always tries to make the oc happy & how the oc is ready to put aside her deeper feelings in order to not hurt mijoo. there are many interesting relationships in nr but nothing will top mijoo & the oc beautiful empowering friendship

Anonymous said:honestly... i think the oc and mijoo's relationship is the most beautiful one you've written, and i've read most of your writings if not all. sure, the oc's relationship with jungkook keeps you engaged and is the main focus, but the way the oc's friendship with mijoo is written? the ups and downs? the flaws? the reading each other better than themselves? the REALISM? how female friendships really are the strongest and so lovely and amazing? idk man i just love you for this. thank you!!

Anonymous said:I love the friend relationship between Mijoo and OC but I also lowkey ship them together idk i'm confused.

Anonymous said:Lu, i'm emotional... As always. There are so many things in every chapter that makes me feel a lot of different feelings, and observing the OC relationship with mijoo totally warms my heart. I was one of those persons who hated mijoo for what she did in the past and well... thanks for open my eyes. The scenes of the OC and her in this last chapter were for me even more intenses than the kissing scene, i was actually feeling it. GREAT chapter, the end tho got my heart stopping. Lots of love 💕

Anonymous said:I want a best friend like Mijoo! We all need a Mijoo in our lives. The way she finally had enough and called the oc out for being so stubborn and stagnant in her relationship that's not a relationship was pretty intense, but I agree with you, your best friend should promote growth when they can. I love how she came back and apologized, too, without making a big fuss, just a simple "I'm sorry, I love you, and I'm always here for you" 😭 beautiful as heck!

Anonymous said:gosh this chapter just caught me off guard! the scenes with y/n and mijoo led me to tears. mijoo really loves y/n and vice versa. it's a beautiful best friend dynamic. they're both so human and flawed, they call each other out on their shit and they could end up hurting each other's feelings but at the end of the day, they'll apologize aaa i think that's the nuanced beauty of friendships! :-'(( AND THAT SCENE when y/n finally said her repressed feelings for jk out loud, god I JUST FELT THAT

Anonymous said:Me @ Me: u r doing fine and the best u can Mijoo @ Me: HoNeY wHAT iS U DoiN Me after reading their argument scene and getting “my” shit called out Me @ Me: HoNeY wHAT iS U DoiN Mijoo gave “me” tough love. “I” end up avoiding on solving my problems by wanting to drink or say some self depreciating joke and at first I was defensive bc I would act 100% like the way the character is but then pulling away from the intense scene, I was like “alright. U got me there. Gtg get my shit together.” 💋 Mijoo

Anonymous said:10 chapter. Just when I woke up. I read it. Amazing. Specially I like this part with Mijoo. Clearing the situation between two of them it was something that they needed a long time ago. And there’s only one thing left why I can’t fully compare my self to the main character. When it comes to her feelings she is speechless. And I understand that she’s afraid, but at least you can reject and don’t do what you don’t really want to. you don’t have to. Waiting for the next chapter. Love. 🍓

Anonymous said:Lu... I’m really on the verge of crying rn, I’m emotional and about to start my period and ch. 10 is the most emotionally affecting chap for me so far; I adore the way you portray female relationships in nr. The scenes with mijoo just reminded me of my own closest female friend group who are the relationships I cherish most 😭 they have been there for me since early high school and now we’re well into college and even tho we don’t see each other as often, we’re always looking out (1/3) -💝

Anonymous said:For each other and want what’s best for them 💜 like mijoo I would give up any guy in a heartbeat for them bc their friendship is truly irreplaceable. Sorry for kind of rambling,, it’s just I feel like I don’t see the depth and pure love that female friendships can have explored in fics that often which is weird bc when writing about life, I feel like female friendships are a huge part of a lot of girls’ lives!! And the part with hyejin, reminded me of how awesome girls are. I have so (2/3) -💝

Anonymous said:much love for my girl friends and girls in general and it just warmed my heart to see that reflected with the nuance and care that you put into new rules :’)) legit crying rn (3/3) -💝

bamlix said:can mijoo be my bff irl pls ty

Anonymous said:I really love Mijoo, I wished I had a friend like her 😭🤧🤧🤧🤧💖💕

Anonymous said:OK BUT WHAT WAS THAT, oc and mijoo's friendship goals!!!! I love their relationship with each other more than ever, and the thing mijoo pointed out about the OC and jimin is sooo true, is something I keep discussing with people, the difference between really liking someone and only being interested, you can't like/love someone that you don't know for reaal, like all the things mijoo pointed out! I loved that dialogue so much!!! AND THE CLIFF HANGER AT THE END, I LOVE YOU!

Anonymous said:the scene with mijoo really got me tho in chap10 because of how loyal they both are to each other? i just absolutely love how they are literally each one's #1 fans and ugh everyone just needs a mijoo in their life tbh

Anonymous said:when mijoo slipped into the ocs bed my heart just went 🌸💖😩😭👩‍❤️‍👩🧡💛💚💕❣️💗💓💞💜💚💕💖💓💞💝 i genuinely want all good things to happen to the oc and mijoo

Anonymous said:i havent finished ch 10 yet but MIJOOOOOO SHES THE BEST SHE REMINDS ME OF MY BFF MY HEAART IS WARM

Anonymous said:aaaa im still reading chapter ten but you've done it again lu!!! i love the way mijoo confronted the oc about her crush on jimin. she was mature and respectful while addressing the problem with the oc's thought process about jimin. i've considered myself a feminist for a while, but this series alone has gotten me closer to a more fair and truly equal perception of gender. thank u so much!! - yoongi trash icon

lajsdfklsdjf this sudden outpour of love makes me SO SOFT!!! esp since all the disgusting misogynistic hate she’s gotten over the past chapters. like F I N A L L Y lol. NEVER FORGET GUYS, CHICKS > DICKS

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 10-11, 2019 // the car crash

-"stop acting offended" oh god sis 😰🥶

-"lucy knew hudson family secrets in the past, tiffany knew hudson family secrets in the present. both of them are dead." and you ARE a hudson family secret, hes trying like a pretty little liar to keep it 😭

-"you suspect everyone of everything, you always have since you were little" 🤔 *professor voice* "the ad hominem is a fallacy of relevance where someone rejects or criticizes another person’s view on the basis of personal characteristics, background, physical appearance, or other features irrelevant to the argument at issue.

An ad hominem is more than just an insult. It’s an insult used as if it were an argument or evidence in support of a conclusion. Verbally attacking people proves nothing about the truth or falsity of their claims" https://thebestschools.org/magazine/15-logical-fallacies-know/#adhominem

-"if you keep suspecting the people closest to you of horrific crimes you're gonna end up alone" this quote becomes fascinating in the context of our future knowledge of nancys parentage foreshadowing "i've been alone my whole life" threatening nancy with solitude comes off weird. the price of being too perfect i suppose.* wonder about ryan's take on this as a parent. strangely i think she honestly wouldn't mind being alone (on some level anyway)

-wonder what exactly makes captain tom a "legend". he was featured so prominently in the press that a serial killer engaged w him and made him out to be a hero.

-"didnt want his mom to see" where was aces mom this ep and w the poisoner? wonder why they only chose to reveal her s2. maybe to give captain tom more of a feature?

-"he was letting us down" ...or just you?

-"you two are that kinda close" its been like 2 months since they met sis i guess that is 'close' to you

-"how are you and your family?" laura says that to ace in the recording --> s2 ironyyyyy

-love how mcginnis forces the nurse to update these random strangers at the hospital lmaooo

-i love how nancy kinda thinks shes the only one doing supernatural things like shes always surprised to find people who think its legit, even hannah gruen who takes it so straight faced and seriously, nancy always respects her but gives off a little "you might be taking this a bit too seriously" vibe imo

-bess w that unintentional save on the phone to nick lmaoooo

-rawley side eyes the fuck out of nancy as she literally breezes past him to get to mcginnis 😂

-wonder how mcginnis owes tom exactly

-mcginnis looks just as reluctant to admit he cares about ace as nancy does lmfaoo

-damn she knows him really well, all he communicates to her are fucking facial expressions (and her back lmao)

-"theyre not my friends" vs "i'd try anything to save my friend" - is ace the first one she calls a friend? like, the actual f word? 👀😳

-in sharp contrast to nick, george is ironically good at mysteries bc shes always suspicious of everyone

-"okay. dead lucy-" *everyone groans* 😂

-*breezes past carson in his own house* what a mood lmao

-wonder if adam beach supported this feature or if he thought it was disrespectful/cringe

-"there are many things you and i need to discuss" 👀😳🙈👗👑🤰😰🥺🤱😔

-so do we think ted has been corrupted by simon when bess opens that door orrrr was that just ted doing 8 year old things

-love this nick/bess bonding tho

-so carson-wolf, nancy-whale, george-turtle and ace-bear. wonder if those specific animal choices have any particulr meaning. 🐢"a turtle, cool" 😂

-carson definitely has his white "do not understand but dont wanna offend" face on 😭🙈

-when i first watched this ep i could not stop saying "nifty!" the whole time 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

-carson's like "okay ive had enough of indulging this make believe crap dont tell me somethings wrong w my very clearly wrong kid"

-"this is serious" lmfaooooo at this point nancy only appeases mcginnis' beliefs bc shes desperate for answers at any cost (ie "i can just ask tiffany what happened")

-wonder how long carson has worked on this cover story for when nancy inevitably asked (the fact that he got the most curious child in the world is so fucking painful yet funny)

-nancy like 😌👉🏻👈🏻"hey mom, my friend accidentally wandered into your world for a minute, could u help find her?" lmaoo

-"are we even dating?" its been a week baby chill lmaooooo

-lisbeth + hairstroking 💙

-okay bess nails her with this clothing/fashion analysis but everyone dismisses fashion so readily as frivolous that bess gets underestimated on sight

-15 years ago + "i made you that promise when you were six" = ace is 21

-"the moment he thought his father was going to die" i'll take carson - irony for 1200 alex

-wonder who tom was chasing before his crash

-"these boots dont belong" god damn george's big sister instinct activated on sight 😭

-wait how tf did she get that bear in her hand

-"you made a difference, right?" whens the last time someone told you that

-nick and bess are the weakest fucking links w mysteries lmfaoooo

-UNPOPULAR OPINION : "you're a cop!" nancy + cops - mcginnis and rawley fuck her over/view her sexually/as competition and let her down along with karen- but she likes lisbeth who is the opposite, suspected her from the beginning due to the previous people "betraying" her (she and the chief start this show in an odd place with zero trust bc she thinks she can do it better) but lisbeth passes the test; lisbeth is willing to bargain with them and doesnt question where they got the hudsons info. now nancy does not hesitate to call lisbeth for the murder of owen (ie the hand prints) and going after josh on the roof, even tells her the blunt truth about calling the agleaca (lisbeth is NOT woke to the supernatural btw) "use me" she does want to work with police, which she is infamous for not doing previously, because of her connection to bess? because they were men? karen didnt have enough power, or didnt take her seriously? what makes lisbeth so trustworthy? or is it only nancys desire to avenge owen? but she just didnt trust the other cops to get the job done- maybe she still doesnt, but at least she trusts lisbeth for the time as an authority figure when all others have failed. all cops (karen, chief and rawley) in nancy's trust lose her respect/secrets out but Lisbeth has to prove her worth to get in. maybe its something about engaging w women. i mean women can still fail her of course (lucy kind of, kate+reveal, karen) but in terms of feminist themes, the show capitalizes on these exchanges between women for the living and the dead: ghosts/demons who are male (ie simon) are pure evil (think "mr roper" at the asylum being in particular focus when it was the whole family who died) but something like the agleaca (of human origin) is made to be a sympathetic case/highlighting how women have suffered historically and are take revenge as ghosts, able to find power in death that they did not have in life, and circling back to nancy trying to give them previously denied justice through working with other women.

-"let me do it" 👀👀could it be? empathy? a sacrifice on behalf of someone you still wont call a friend?

-"killer boots." *struts like a badass with 'im a bitch, im a boss' playing in the background*

-okay lbr. how on earth did lucys dress come off her body in the ocean? like. is that legit??

-"it's just so not how i would handle things" SIS THIS SHIT COULD ALMOST PROVE YOU TWO ARE DNA RELATED FOR HOW YOU FUCKING HANDLE THINGS like nancy? are u on crack? lmfaooo carson absolutely came for u and he absolutely should have

-"i understand that impulse, it runs in the family" make it a true daily double, alex🙃

-"you stole evidence and sent it out of state because you believed it was the right thing to do" no, you just think you know better than everybody else tbh

-wowwwwwww i cant believe lisbeth really decked her but another half of me can i fucking love lisbeth

and lastly

-oh ted. 💔🥺

[vigilantewives]

Let’s do a quick recap (and I legit mean quick!) of what each diamond on Emma’s wedding band represent mmkay? And I’m gonna be forgetting a lot here so just bear with me.

1st diamond - first meeting, they were foes who both had quests, hers - getting back to her son; his - revenge against the man who took not only his love, but his hand as well: also you can be a part of something or you can be alone and he turns his ship around because he needed that reminder that he could be a part of something *wails to infinity*

2nd diamond - the neverland trip aka the moment people lost their shit because of that kiss (i wasn’t around tumblr when it happened but hearing people talk about how amazing it was then makes me smile always) / let’s throw in the next greatest moment “I swear on Emma Swan” HAHA I’M FINE NO I’M NOT then she gave up her magic to save him “Hook, come back to me.” HAHA THE MORE I WRITE I START TO CRY also followed by only the GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME - THE CAPTAIN SWAN MOVIE, plus “it’s okay swan, not everything gets to watch their parents fall in love” plus “you’re a hero swan” followed by “so are you” *smile* followed by only the greatest moment in history “you traded your ship for me?” she says with wonder in her voice and his lovely “aye” and that kiss that lasted for so many minutes aka days, it was so long and beautiful and that time they broke away and both smiled before going right back for more, i’m dying thinking of it again

3rd diamond - season 4 rolls around and they’re pretty much learning the basics of coupledom, we’re witnessed to their first date (everything was sweet and pure) he got his hand back because should she let me, i’d like to be able to hold her - whatever the damn line was *i’m horrible because i don’t remember, i know but bah* it was still pure af, I should get my own place - foreshadowing i see you and i love you - followed by that kiss woop woop. then we got ‘i’m a fan of every part of you’ AHHHHHH and then “i’m not a goodbye person, but maybe just this once” *full on sobbing* now / 4b rolls around and 6 glorious wks have passed they’re being pretty fucking cute, when the queens of darkness roll into town, but who cares about that “DON’T YOU KNOW EMMA? IT’S YOU.” and that beautiful af kiss with a single tear rolling down emma’s cheek *puddle of melt* then we get cute au and deckhand swan and ‘i sensed we were close in that other realm’ ‘very’ WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE? LIKE STAPHHHH then he dies for her and her son and the curse is broken and she runs to see him, worried he’s not there when he smugly shows himself over the banister in the loft with snowing looking on and she throws herself at him and we would get an ily but then wasn’t the time, so she stares at him in awe and he’s all eyebrow raise because HE. DOESN’T. STOP. then comes heartbreak #1 emma sacrifices herself to save the town from the darkness yada yada *still sobbing btw* “Emma, don’t do this” he says with tears in her eyes, emma replies tearfully ‘I love you’ follow by a push and then she’s gone and the camera pans to him with tears in his eyes and the dagger with her name on it

4th diamond - s5 begins with hook desperately trying to get her back and then he finds her in the enchanted forest as a dark one, going through the transition and ‘heroes and villains here because of you, for you’ and then he calmly lets her make the decision to return merida’s heart and then they hug and ‘you don’t look like a crocodile’ ‘guess i lucked out’ and then as they leave hand swings aplenty then another curse happens and ‘where’s emma?’ ‘relax i’m right here’ in full dark one outfit and white hair and then emma why are you doing this and then dark swan is all because i am the dark one and poofs away, and then episode 2 back in camelot flashback and we see them get married HAHA J/K BUT THEY TOTALLY GOT MARRIED THEY LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL and then that dance at the ball and then UGH SO GOOD, BASICALLY EVERYTHING WAS CAMELOT AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERED - but then he died saving her and she refused to let him go and turned him into another dark one because i’m not gonna let him go and i won’t anyone stop me HAHA REMEMBER HOW I SAID I WAS FINE BEFORE, WELL I WAS BUT NOT ANY MORE, NOT FINE ANYMORE and then he’s all ‘how could you do this to me swan’ after finding out that his love did this to him and she’s all “i wasn’t gonna lose you killian” and then HE SACRIFICES HIMSELF TO SAVE HER AND HER FAMILY AND IS ALL “LET ME MAKE UP FOR MY MISTAKE, LET ME DIE A HERO” AND THEN SHE’S LIKE ‘NO IT SHOULD BE ME’ but he won’t let her do that, no sirree, *KILLIAN JONES HAS ALWAYS AND WILL CONTINUE TO ALWAYS PUT EMMA SWAN SWAN FIRST, YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THAT* and then he dies and there back to normal and she holds him IN HER ARMS AS HE’S DEAD AND THEN REFUSES TO LET HIM GO WHEN THE PARAMEDICS CAME *PTERODACTYL SCREAMING* BECAUSE WHYYYYYYY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF?? then she finds out his death was taken from him (fucking rumple boo hiss) and decides she’s going to the underworld to get her man back ‘you two share a heart, so will we’ and then they reunite and there’s an argument and then all is good and then they’re trying to find a way out and then there’s TRUE LOVE’S TEST AND “IT’S TRUE LOVE. EMMA YOU CHOSE ME THAT WAS THE TEST” AND THEIR SMILES *SQUEALS* OF COURSE THEY PASS; THIS IS FUCKING CAPTAIN SWAN WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HERE. and then they find out that hades (boo hiss) is a turd and lies and he can’t go with her back to the land of the living and that FUCKING HEARTBREAKING MOMENT #2 THE ELEVATOR GOODBYE THAT DESTROYED ME, LIKE HOW DARE THEY and even after they’re realms apart they still work together and stop hades and zeus (thank you) brings back killian to where he belongs with emma and that tiptoe kiss in the rain after they’re reunited and he’s giggling and she’s shooketh and attack kisses galore, then that ‘i love you’ that’s said with no threat of death, villains anything. just said it to say it and of course don’t forget that LIFT KISS LIFT KISS WOOT WOOT

5th diamond - s6 the hottest couch makeout we’ve ever been witnessed to with hands on the butt and leg pretty much in the air and earth-shaking after that there’s ‘move in with me’ then there’s you’re the product of true love and that cute af hand kiss to stop her shaking vision hand of imminent death and then so much separation and then she gets sent to the wish world and meets his older much heavier still attractive self (yep i’ve reached the point of finding older hook attractive sue me hehe) and then she comes back and he’s all “you’re amazing swan” hug and then that cute moment in 6x12 - ‘I JUST DESPERATELY NEED TO KISS YOU’ LIKE WHO SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT, KILLIAN JONES THAT’S WHO and then things happen and i’m crying because we all know what comes after, she finds the ring, he’s drunk off his ass, tainted proposal ensues (still beautiful tho, even knowing what we know) then they halt that proposal (more like she gives the ring back) and he’s about to leave when he changes his mind and gets ready to come back only for dark one jr creeping up on him and stopping that in it’s tracks and they’re separated for 3 fucking episodes YES YOU HEARD ME 3 FUCKING EPISODES WORTH OF SEPARATION and then he’s all “i’m trying to find my way back home to you” “i’d never abandoned you” and “i love you” and then they work their way back, he takes out his shadow to take him back to her, it fails his shadow makes its way to emma followed by A CARESS TO THE CHEEK THAT I WILL NEVER BE OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, then she goes to get him with encouragement and a push from mama snow, in a door she finds him, pushed some lost boys out the way, grabs her man’s hand and back through the door and they land on top of each other and he apologizes, she apologizes and then re-proposal, followed by the same yes as before, she gets on his level of kneelingness (yes it’s not a work but bah) says yes, kisses him and the ring goes right back where it belongs.

AND THAT’S WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x11 recap

(Aka the one where Keaton and Dr Sun face off in an exciting round of  “~Whose Presence Is The Least Wanted~”. Spoiler: they both win.)

Delayed a little by a spontaneous three-day trip across the state and a few late shifts, but finally here at last. So thanks your your awesome responses to last week’s recap, and prepare for a large quantity of thoughts and opinions because damn this ep was actually good??

Noooo. Roman. My baby. Why must you suffer so much??? I mean sure there was the terrorism and the murdering and all, but... well, just as I don't see Remi and Jane as the same person, Times New Roman and Old Roman are also not the same. Plus, given that messed up childhood he had, his violence is kinda unsurprisng. And I just can't help it okay, he's my scruffy psycho puppy and I love him. And Jane does too, which is why she's always visiting him (FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS WHAAAT. mORE ON THIS IN A SEC) and trying to make sure he's eating and getting some rest and just basically being the sweetest sister ever ughhhhh. But he's understandably starting to crack, being caged up in there like an animal, and ugh can I just hug them both rn

Okay this next scene is a Nas scene, ergo I don’t care about it, so I'm gonna just pause for a second and vent about this whole two-week-jump thing. Because you know what can happen in two weeks in this show?? Everything!! Like literally from the time Jane rejoined the team in the premiere up to the events of last ep (aka a total of 11 eps), only TWELVE DAYS had passed. (Yes, I counted). So let's think about this. This means that Jane came back into the team's lives 12 days ago. She met Roman 12 days ago. She was shot by Zapata 12 days ago (though you would never know it based on her physical activity... #tvmedicine). And wanna know some other things that happened in that 12 days? 11 days ago Weller found out he was gonna be a father (Allie was like 15 weeks along at the time, at best guess??), and Borden asked Patterson out. Approx 6 days ago, Jane kinda pretty much admitted to Weller that she loved/loves him. She found out about the baby a day later, the same day Allie was shot. (Again, not a hint of that injury any time we've seen her since!). Weller and Nas started sleeping together 4 days ago, while Jane's 'happy ending' fantasy (*sobs*), and her failed date with Oliver happened only three days ago. Then let’s not even get into the whole shitstorm of Shepherd’s trap and the team nearly dying and Patterson discovering Borden’s betrayal just a day ago. So are you seeing my issue here?? All these things happened in LESS than 2 weeks, and now we've just jumped forward that entire block of time and ugh what the hell did we miss in all those days??? I’m actually legit worried about what bad things could have happened/are brewing...

Aaand speak of the devil. Or devil-lady. Nas is apparently doing something shady (shocking, I know) and Weller comes to investigate, since apparently she's been 'sneaking off every morning'. Oh, great. You know what, maybe I'm glad we've skipped ahead two weeks, if these two have continued their... whatever the hell this is... during all that time. But seriously dude, Jane is back and you guys are actually on good terms again, why are you still with the rebound??? Unless... unless she's no longer the rebound but rather the barrier. Like with Jane back and their old connection starting to reform, maybe he's using this thing with Nas as like a buffer to keep himself from gravitating back to Jane-- lbr, he's the proverbial moth to her flame, and vice versa-- and so basically this thing with Nas is all just a way of protecting his heart by keeping it far away from the one woman who could truly crush it? Honestly rn that's the story I gotta go with bc otherwise I’m gonna get stuck obsessing over wtf is going on here with these two  completely ill-suited people. Sigh. But anyhow apparently Nas used to get messages from this sign from the Sandstorm informant (did she ever look into how though? Like did the informant know or pay off the person who types them? Or did they hack in themselves? Surely that was a lead that should have been followed??) and so apparently she's still checking it. Also damn, the quote up on the sign: "The soul can never be cut to pieces by any weapon"-- very true about Jane, given all she's been through and how strong and incredible she's manages to remain through it all....

But anyway now there are two thug-like dudes just sneaking thuggishly amongst a bunch of shipping containers and lbr it's already a better scene than the previous one. And then a Distinguished Looking Man and a younger man (his son, I'm guessing?) exit one of the containers, looking Distinguished and Mysterious. Dude, I hope you guys didn't come from far away, bc that would not have been a fun journey...

Ooooh Weller's lady-juggling is apparently not going so well as he ends up missing Allie's appointment-- what's she now? 20 weeks, give or take? And yet that's one tiiiiiny belly she's still got... like okay yes, some women barely show at all, even well into the second trimester, but lbr NEVER TV WOMEN. TV women are usually always sporting one of those massive fake belly things so that we, the poor silly viewers, don't forget that “HEY THIS LADY GOT KNOCKED UP, THERE'S DEFINITELY A BABY KICKING AROUND IN HERE SO GET READY FOR IT TO FLY ON OUT AND MESS SHIT UP AT ANY MOMENT". And yet, with this show... nothing? Some slightly baggier clothes, maybe, but not even a moderate bump. What does it mean?? Are they sneakily trying to tell us that ~all is not as it seems~ with this pregnancy (like hey, maybe Allie even sneakily moved the appointment forward so Weller would miss it)-- or, am I just reading to much into things, and the show’s prop-masters were simply out of stock on the Defo-Preggo fake bellies and decided it didn't matter and we probably wouldn't notice its absence anyway? Seriously I have been super suss of this pregnancy from the start (mainly bc why the hell would it even have been written into the story unless for some kind of ~Shock Drama~ down the track) so maybe I'm looking too hard for hints? Lbr it's gonna take a fair bit to shake me from my 'Allie is a Sandstorm operative and is faking the pregnancy bc of reasons' theory. And Cutie Connor can totally fit into that too. But anyhow Weller is a sweetie and is trying very hard to be a Good Dad(TM). Oh, my son. Why do I strongly get the feeling that you will never even get the chance to be a dad to this baby. (*whispers* there's always your babies with Jane to look forward to, tho...)  

Oooh it's back-to-work day for Reade (two weeks post-surgery really isn't enough for a physical job like his, but whatever I'mma overlook it) and omg he and Zapata having an awkward little chat and dude is this really the first time they've spoken since that terrible kiss? Really?? So there was just radio silence between them, two best friends, for two weeks while he was practically an invalid. Ooookay. Sure. On a brighter note, there was a rat in the lockerroom that Reade had named Whitey Bulger hahaha. That's adorable. I hope it was released humanely. Reminds me of the mouse that used to live in the wall of my parents’ house and its hole was right near the computer desk so I would feed it crumbs when I was up on the computer at like 3am haha. Ah, good times. Also okay hold on google says that Whitey Bulger was an infamous crime boss who murdered like 20 people. Ohhhhh and apparently he was an FBI informant, aka a rat. I wonder if the rat was white, too? Though generally wild rats are brown. But wow okay I am getting very distracted (lbr it's the secondhand embarrassment from this super awkward interaction, I can't deal so I’m avoiding the whole thing lol)

Phew okay now we can switch to a far more pleasing scene-- my baby Patterson is back at it, and I'm not even gonna comment on the bullet-wound recovery time. Just look at this restraint I’m showing. Anyway based on Zapata's very pointed comments, lil baby Patterson has refused to take any time off. Ugh. Though if I were her I wouldn't really want to be at my apartment either. I wonder if Borden left anything there... :( also Patterson still has a nasty headache, which sounds ongoing and is not all that consistent with the eardrum-stabbing. It could be a bunch of things, including lack of sleep, but... I wonder. Maybe Sheherd was sneakier than we thought. But for now let's just hope our baby is okay.

Looolll I feel like I'm watching a married couple having a fight over what's best for their kid or something. But lbr here if not for the pressure that Weller's facing to show that he's 'punishing' Roman somehow (seriously we know how Pellington fels about Roman, not to mention how all the agents under Weller’s command must feel about the man that helped kill 12 of their own), I feel like he would be on Jane's side of this argument. Although, he probably also recognises the influence Roman has over Jane, and might be worried that Roman could pull her away from him... but anyhow it's entertaining to watch these two in their own little bubble with Nas off to the side, just awkwardly hovering there like she's an afterthought. Neither one particularly wants her input rn but she has to be there, so... but then she suggests bringing in an 'expert' that she knows and that sets off instant alarm bells for me. DO NOT TRUST ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH NAS, INCLUDING NAS, OKAY GUYS? THEY’RE SNAKE-PEOPLE, THE LOT OF THEM. This is bound to bode ill for Roman and Jane and like probably everyone somehow

Aw my clever baby has cracked (or re-cracked) an old tattoo, which previously had given them a random number but now correlates to a shipping container-- naturally, the very one that our mysterious duo exited earlier. And due to some handy camera unscrambling, we know that Distinguished Man is a supposedly-dead warlord dude that did a bunch of bad things and was actually indirectly involved in the team nearly getting killed in Turkey last season. Oooooh, drama.

So the kiddies are heading into the bullpen-- Reade joining Weller and Jane as they head together to the main briefing area. So wait how come Jeller were off on their own just then, given that the team was all just together down in Patterson's lab a minute ago? (*cough* quickie?? *cough*) But anyhow traces of nitroglycerin were found in the container apparently so ooooh bomb??? But apparently the company who paid for the container also paid a bunch of dough to some other lady, so the team brings her in-- and finds out the money was 'life insurance' from the death of her brother a few days ago. But hold on, she never even saw the body, said that he'd already been taken to the morgue. And bingo, this story is already throwing up a ton of flags. I can tell you from direct experience that when a person dies in hospital, a doctor (ie, me) is immediately called to certify them, and then we tuck them in nicely and ensure they look peaceful before we contact the family and allow them to come in. And unless the family is like hours and hours away, the patient will remain in their room until they've had a chance to say goodbye. If the family can't get there for a long time, they're taken to the hospital’s mortuary where they await pickup by the family's chosen funeral director. At any point in this process the family can still be taken to see the patient if they wish. So clearly, something else happened with this woman's brother, and someone paid off multiple hospital staff to make it look how they wanted. Definitely not easy to do. And now, according to Patterson, it turns out he was actually transferred elsewhere... this is all veeeeery shady

Ugh Jane going to Roman and using Borden's coffee example to help reach out to him. Ughhhh. And then ugh he asks her if Shepherd loved them and why she wiped his memory and this puts Jane in such a tight spot bc if she said Shepherd did it but didn't love him then how does she explain later that she herself did it out of love and aarghh. But her answer "maybe she thought it was the only chance she had left to get you back” is a good answer. I'm still sad that she had to lie to him about it, and the ramifications that that's going to have. Please understand, Roman, she loves youuuuu and only wants what’s best for you!

Meanwhile Patterson's found the person who last visited the dude in hospital, bc she's da boss. And then Weller asks if she ran the plates and she practically rolls her eyes at him, sassily gesturing over her shoulder just as a photo of the plates appears on the screen behind her. Badass. The team subsequently goes chasing the car-- which is conveniently like ten mins away-- and suddenly it's like we’re in the middle of a black SUV convention when the team surrounds the target cars, the two separate sides differentiated only by the fact that out of one set of cars comes our badass team with their big guns, and out of the other comes a murdering, bloodthirsty, terrorist warlord... and something much worse. KEATON. And lbr I will forever be proud of Jane for the fact that she has her torturer directly in her line of fire and yet doesn't even once struggle with the temptation of pulling the trigger. Because no matter what she's been through-- and no matter what Remi did in the past-- Jane is not a killer. (Let's just agree to overlook the whole thing with Fisher bc that man was an evil little weasel and deserved what he got). And then Zapata discovers a possible bioweapon in the car, ratcheting tensions even higher until Keaton is all 'chill, it's just a pilfered body part'. And lbr, Keaton is so damn repugnant that this is the only way he could ever steal anyone's heart. (badum-tish?). But omg then Jane tells Weller-- while staring at Keaton with bared teeth-- that he was the one who tortured her. And being the little shit-stirrer he is, Keaton tries to imply that Weller has known all along (actually only two weeks and 4 days, but who's counting), and Jane's trust in Weller wavers just slightly at that, given that he'd told her from the start that he hadn't known anything about her torture. Which was true, at the time. And now he quickly reassures her-- while staring absolute daggers at Keaton-- that he only found out in Bulgaria. I wonder if he's mentally reliving that last meeting bc oh boy I sure am. Ah, those satisfying choking sounds. But anyhow, it turns out that Warlord Man's son needs a heart transplant and the CIA is providing it in exchange for info about planned terrorist attacks. The traces of 'nitroglycerin' that was found in the storage container was actually from the kid's heart medication (glyceryl trinitrate, in case you're interested, though he likely wouldn't be on that medication for this particular condition. Also to get those traces around the container I guess he must have been doing a Great-Escape style boredom activity, just with throwing his tablets instead of a ball. Anywho tho Jane tells Weller he can't trust Keaton, and as he always does (or did, in the old days) he finds a way to do what she suggests that is also going to appear acceptable to the Big Bosses. Which in this case means inviting Keaton and Co into their base. Joy. 

So not only does the team have to work with the world's biggest asshat, but there's an attack tonight that they need to stop. Zapata takes Anton the Warlord's phone and laptop to Patterson bc apparently she can't face the idea of interviewing him with Reade (come on kids, we're all grownups here) and everyone suddenly disperses, leaving Jane alone in the room with Keaton. I kinda feel like that's an oversight that Weller wouldn't actually make (and lbr he's always been super aware of where Jane is and what she's doing at all times) so I kinda feel like he is deliberately giving her this chance to face Keaton alone? He knows she wouldn't do anything foolish-- such as, say, try to choke him to death, like a certain someone-- and knows she needs this closure. And omg Keaton is now boo-hooing about missing his kid's basketball games because he had to spend his time 'interrogating' her. Damn, that's cold. He's literally acting like she wronged him. (Can I claw his eyes out now, please?? Since Jane is too good of a person to do it??). But well, at least Keaton’s shittiness gives us this scene of Jane storming into Weller's office. He's sitting and staring pensively at a watch in his hands-- what's the significance? Was it his father's? What am I missing here?? and she bursts in all angry and hurt that they're working with Keaton after what he did to her, which lbr would basically feel like everyone dismissing it as no big deal. But thankfully Weller makes it clear-- with his Serious Voice and turbulent eyes-- that he hates it too and even nearly killed Keaton when he found out. And boy, does that take the wind out of her sails. Yes, Jane, Mr Always-Do-The-Right-Thing literally nearly murdered a high-ranking government official for hurting you. And ugh you can see how much that means to her-- lbr with them, that's basically as much an admission of love as any kiss could be... 

Aaaand then of course Nas has to appear to ruin the moment, because that's literally like her entire role on this show; Ms Shady Backstabber and Moment-Ruiner. And oh joy, she's brought her 'expert', who on one hand I am pleased to see is a disabled WOC, bc yes good tv representation, but on the other hand I wish she just wasn't there at all. That actress was great in Quantico though. Literally tho in the first minute the doctor has called Roman a 'prisoner' and a 'killer'. Biased, much??? I have literally treated jailed murderers myself, and the entire medical staff would always refer to them only as 'the patient' or at the very worst, 'the inmate'. So this lady is really already rubbing me the wrong way here. As much as I dislike her, though, I agree that Jane shouldn't be there for her assessment. But ugh I hope she can watch on cameras or something just so someone is keeping an eye on what they do to my poor puppy... but seriously tho let's all take a moment to appreciate how well Jane keeps herself in check like all the time?? I mean she's constantly copping crap from people and she just takes it with such grace (okay sometimes with a little less grace but generally very well) and ugh I just love her so much

Speaking of Jane, she takes her turn watching over Anton, and while the man refused to say a word to Reade, the sight of Jane has him opening right up. I feel ya, buddy. I'd spill my guts to her too. I enjoy that they bond over their mutual hatred of Keaton. Can I join that party? Also ugh the way he talks about his son not being like him, and being deserving of a proper life... kinda like Jane still deserves a good life despite who her 'mother' is and what she's done. But oh geez, his next line-- "You know what's the worst thing that can happen to a man, Jane? To lose a child." AAAAHHHH RED FLAGS RED FLAGS THIS IS FORESHADOWING I JUST KNOW IT. DOES THIS MEAN THE WRITERS ARE GONNA KILL OFF WELLER'S BABY??? DOES IT???? And then oh shit, the son dies (I am still sure that that line was foreshadowing more than just his death though) and the team is all like wtf do we do??? Naturally Keaton thinks the only option is to lie, which Jane strongly disagrees with, both of them turning to Weller, who brings them both with him to see Anton. Keaton gets in there and starts spouting lies-- only for Weller to step up and tell the truth, while also being genuinely sympathetic. Yaaaaasss my son taking Jane's side and doing the right thing, as he should :) And ugh she is so sad for the man's loss and tries to get him to see that his son wouldn't have wanted this. 'His ideals aren't like yours' oh boy does she know all about that. But even her heartfelt pleas can't get through to him (come on, dude, look at that faaaace) and so now the team is really in trouble... But as always happens when shit hits the fan, everyone turns to Patterson, who naturally comes through, tracing a phone that got a coded message from Anton's phone, giving them the lead they desperately need...            

But while my beautiful and trustworthy team is busy doing that, Shady and Shadier are starting their mindgames on my poor lil caged lion Roman. Keep your devil-claws off him, ladies! That means you, sneaky shrink! Also if he is believed to be so dangerous and unstable, there is no way she would be that close to him, especially without any guards present. He could kill her in a single second. And speaking of which, baby Ian just stabbed the hell out of one of the other boys at the orphanage (the one that stole his coin), seemingly on the order of their captors? And in the earlier flash that we got, the guy said "Will you kill your rabbit now?" So these are two separate memories, right? The rabbit is really a rabbit, yeah? Like ‘rabbit’ isn't a metaphor for a 'target' or something right? Either way, daaaaamn, these poor kids...   

Aaaaahhhhh we're getting another Jeller heart-to-heart moment in the caaaarrrr! I've missed these. I so wish Reade and Zapata were in the back seat pretending not to exist like they did in the good old days when Jeller were having a ~moment~, but sadly not this time. But ugh Jane is again expressing her fears about Roman's reaction should he find out that she zipped him, and I love this bc not only is Jane allowing herself to turn to Weller again for comfort, but she's also being open with him about her feelings, ensuring there's nothing hidden between them anymore (at least on her side. While I assume she's figured out the whole Nas thing, I doubt he's outwardly said anything to her). And ugghhhhh Weller doesn't hesitate to comfort her, reminding her that she has become a completely new person-- aka, a good person-- after her wipe. Yaaaassss for Weller acknowledging that Jane and Remi are separate people. And then ughhhh he says the wipe was the best thing that ever happened to her but lbr it's the best thing that ever happened to him??? That memory wipe brought her right to him, gave them the opportunity to know each other and fall for each other. Hers wasn't the only life that was changed forever the day she climbed out of that bag. But omg he's still not done??? He tells her that she not only saved Roman's life by doing what she did, but whatever hope he has left (of a life, of happiness and normalcy) is a gift that she gave him. Oh lord, help me. And then he turns to her and puts the heart eyes up to high beam and boy are they blinding. I'm legit gonna have lightspots in my vision for like the next hour. But ugh what I love most is that these are not his previous "I adore you and everything you are" hearteyes but more of an "I have done so wrong by you and though I know I could never make it right I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying" hearteyes and honestly JUST LET ME DIE. Oh wait, nope, I am about to die bc now we're in the other car with Zapata and Reade AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH THE AWKWARD. Save me. At least Reade is trying to talk it out like a grownup whereas Zapata is all but stuffing her fingers in her ears and going "la la la la I can't heaaaaar you" lol. 

Thankfully, Weller chooses that moment to rescue us all (he probably needed a distraction of his own bc he was becoming too lost in Jane's eyes haha) and everybody pulls into a place that looks kinda reminiscent of the spot where Zapata shot Jane. Everyone fans out, including Jane, and I will forever be so happy about the fact that she's back out with the team and trusted with a weapon and they all know they can rely on her as a true team member and ughhhh I'm just so happy to be getting back to the real heart of this show. And speaking of things that are right at the very core of this show, Weller has managed to get himself blown up yet again, this time by trying to stop a dude who had wired a bunch of basketballs on a rack into a bomb. Bad dude gets away with a bunch of other bombs, and Weller gets away with barely a scratch-- which doesn't stop Jane from yelling his name in alarm and immediately running to his side, even giving us an Unnecessary (but sadly not all that Lingery) touch on his arm as if she's reassuring herself that he's okay. Ah man. You guys are killing me. While this season has certainly frustrated me in regards to Weller's actions towards Jane, it definitely doesn't disappoint in hers towards him. Ugh, my stupid in-love babies, how I adore you

Anywho the whole crew is on the site now (including Keaton, which literally everyone there/the entire world could do without) and they realise that though there's no major basketball games on tonight-- which of course our resident ex-gambler knows-- there is a youth league game on, aka the one that Keaton's daughter is playing at. And how do they know this?? Because my baby Jane is a freakin' genius as well as a badass, and she actually listens to what people say, even if those people are jerks and don't deserve a second of her attention. And so now when Jane speaks, everyone listens, which is why they're all currently bolting to the kids' game. And Keaton is all "he's doing this to get at me" *whinge whinge*, and Jane is all 'bitch shut up there's a lot more people there than just your kid'. But naturally Keaton continues to bitch bc he's Keaton, then even annoyingly brings up the whole being a parent thing, at which time Jane sneaks an almost-sad look at Weller, because freaking everyone has to continuinally remind her that the man she loves now has a permanent tie to someone else. Great, thanks, show. 

But anyhow despite Weller having everything under control, Keaton manages to ruin everything as usual, getting his own agent killed and forever traumatising his daughter in the process. Weller and Keaton then bugger off in search of the daughter while Jane and the other two take out a bunch of baddies like the badass little team they are. Ah, so good to see them like this again. Jane splits off from the others to chase more baddies while the two of them try to defuse the bomb with Patterson's help. Bc when in need, always call Patterson. Jane's fight with the baddie in the gym is kinda hilarious, like at one point she sends him sprawling but rather than knocking him out she waits politely for him to get up before continuing their fight. Such manners :P  Although given the fact that she then slams a kettleweight straight into his face/chest, maybe she’d used up her quota of good behaviour haha. Meanwhile Patterson shuts down the cell signal to the area, preventing the bomb being activated via the mobile phone detonator... ummm is that a thing that's actually possible? Idek. Anyhow Weller and Keaton find the daughter at gunpoint in the locker room, and Weller's all "I haven't got a shot" though lbr I bet that ‘Mr Exceptional Marksmanship Award’ could totally shoot that guy's exposed hand. A moment later he gets the shot anyway when Keaton draws the baddie out, and all seems to have ended happily until-- dun dun dun-- there's another baddie, right about to shoot both Keaton and his daughter!! Only to be shot by Jane first, aka my perfect beautiful princess who always saves any life she can, even if that life belongs to the piece of slime that tortured her for three freakin’ months. Hey Weller, take notes. If Nas had been in Jane's situation just then, she would have sat back and watched. No doubt about it. At least Keaton is man enough to genuinely thank her tho, to which she gives pretty much the much more professional-sounding version of "screw you, asshole" lol. You go, girl.

Oh boy. So you put Roman into an ‘MRI’ and are now basing your diagnosis on the absence of a perceived response to a few pictures. Good lord, woman, you must have gone to a worse medical school than Borden. I don't even know where to start with this. Firstly the scan you're thinking of is a PET scan, but you literally can’t make this diagnosis based on that anyway!! And honestly lady have you ever opened a psych textbook in your entire life, there's a whole bunch of criteria to diagnose Antisocial Personality Disorder and ROMAN LITERALLY DOES NOT MEET THEM. Even Old Roman doesn't meet the majority of them, and New Roman meets practically none. This woman is a CHARLATAN and I will not TOLERATE THIS DISRESPECT TOWARDS EITHER OF MY BABIES. Gaaawd. So now poor Roman is in danger of being locked away in a padded room for his whole life on the word of one woman; one woman who they know nothing about except that she comes recommended by Nas (which should be an automatic black mark against anyone's name imo) but also a woman who just told Jane-- aka Jane who grew up in Hell's Orphanage and has been through unfathomable shit her entire life including three months of recent physical torture-- and this woman just told her she can't possibly imagine how 'terrible' this Sudanese orphanage was that she visited once as a student. Good lord, can I slap her yet. Please. At least Jane kind of calls her on it, raising the point that she grew up in exactly the same way as Roman, but it's clear the snake-charmer's mumbo-jumbo has her doubting herself. Ugh. At least Weller doesn't seem at all happy with the idea of having to lock Roman up-- probably bc he knows how it'll hurt his precious Jane, and after allowing her to suffer for so much of this season he's finally gotten his shit together and realised she didn’t/doesn't deserve any of it and now desperately wants to make up for his previous ass-ish ways.

Speaking of ass-ish ways, Zapata has decided to grow up a little and reach out the olive branch. Thank god. She even apologises, which is impressive, because this is Zapata... although she still manages to turn it into a bit of a joke. I do love the "you're not even my type, though" (we know, Sarah is) and the "why, too smart or too classy?" Thankfully he calls her on the classy part, and yaaayy we are back to the sassy banter that I like :))) Brotp forever please. Also Reade aren't you still on pain meds? You shouldn't really be drinking... And then aww she wingmans for him (which would have been hilariously awkward if the girl had actually been checking HER out. Man, that would have been amazing). But then hold on writers, what is this little ~look~ she throws back at him?? Please tell me that that was just a slightly wistful 'If only I could love him as something more than a brother, who knows, we could have been a good couple" and not a "I'm pretending I don’t have feelings for you bc though I actually am in love with you I don't want to drag you down into the trash pile with me". Bc legit if the writers go down the path of the latter, I'm going to be so pissed. JUST LET THEM BE BEST FRIENDS, OKAY??? NOT EVERYONE WITH OPPOSITE GENITALS HAS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, GEEZ.

Naw Patterson finds Jane sitting behind the mirror, watching over Roman like the loving-- and worried-- big sister that she is. And Patterson, bless her, my precious angel made of fairy dust and sunshine-- gently reassures her that 'psychology isn't even a real science so you shouldn't listen to anything the shrink says' (or something along those lines lol), and then ughhhhh when Jane is basically acknowledging that she has no power to fight the shrink's diagnosis because she 'isn't objective', Patterson gifts us with this: "Maybe that's the point. Weller wasn't objective, and he brought out the best in you. Maybe you can do that for Roman". And so the Queen has spoken: lack of objectivity = LOVEEEE, and love will set you free and all that jazz. But ugh Patterson I could kiss you rn (not like I would ever need much encouragement any other time, tho lol)

Okay if no kissing then could I at least write you a prescription for some better pain killers because I hate seeing you suffer like this (ugh Shepherd what sneaky thing did you do to my precious baby). At least the pain meds that she has-- while useless for the pain-- actually help her to crack the leopard clue. Wooo! Shame she had to get Nas involved, but at least she's telling Jane pretty much immediately. And because Patterson is a genius, she determines that the clue points towards a chick in some bikie gang, who is seen in a photo with none other than Roman. Guess we know what next ep is about!!  #exciting

Oh joy, an Allie and Weller scene. I was totally just thinking that this ep needed more of them (#not). But oh my goddddd he's been nesting, setting up a nursery and buying a crib with the highest safety rating and trying out colour swatches for the walls and oh my lord this is simultaneously the worst and the best thing bc 'excited prospective-dad Weller' is SO ADORABLE but the circumstances and partner are definitely... less than ideal, shall we say. Siiiiiiiigh. And then BAM Allie's suddenly moving to Colorado with Connor and Weller cares too much about her to ever even consider trying to get her to stay and so okay I see two options here: either the writers are trying to make us think Allie is going to be out of the picture, so when some Big Bad Thing happens involving her and the baby, it'll be an even bigger twist; or, she literally does move to Colorado and the show very occasionally mentions Weller's interstate baby in future seasons just so we don't start thinking that the whole storyline was just a really protracted, mass-shared bad dream. Since the second would just be embarrassingly bad screenwriting, I'm pretty much hoping for the first option...

Well, there it is. Happy Blindspot Day, and see you for the (hopefully much more punctual) next installment!                       

[jessthequeenofstories]

😶

I’m still awake at 6am

My friend is in my bed

I’m lying with my head at the foot and my feet on a chair

Casual

I’m used to being weird

🙃

She keeps half-waking up and poking me with her feet

And I keep scaring her when I move away

But she’s still half asleep so makes a scared noise but forgets about it two seconds later

This is actually hilarious

I’m actually trying not to fucking laugh right now

So I’m just staying up on Tumblr to pass the time

Cause I’m insomniactic anyway

Is that even a word

Will I ever use grammar

I used apostrophes so yeah maybe

That last sentence should have had at least three commas in it

Fuck grammar

Up da arse

And apparently fuck spelling as well

Oh I already established that with the made-up word

Ow she just kicked me

😂

Wanna get up and eat some cake but she’ll think I’m a ghost or something and probably attack me with a cucumber or something

Don’t ask why I have a cucumber in my room

You should be more worried why I want cake while my friend is sleeping next to me

You dirty bastards

So this will be a fun post for her to read when she wakes up

Or fun pussy as my autocorrect just wrote

Ow stop kicking me

Your toe nails are sharp af

I have no nails so

So what

Where was I going with that argument

Not this doesn’t make sense without grammar

Why aren’t I using grammar again

Maybe it’s a rebellion against society

Maybe I’ll start a revolution against the English and their fucked up language with it’s fucked up rules

I’m Welsh after all

So no more grammar

Instead the word baa will be used instead of a full-stop baa

And the name Tom Jones will be used instead of question marks if that’s alright with you Tom Jones

And popty ping will be used popty ping to keep up with the pattern going on here popty ping instead of commas baa

Make sense Tom Jones

Good baa

I’m probably gonna wake her up soon if I don’t stop laughing baa

She told me she’d probably be awake by seven baa

It’s almost half six now baa

I’m waiting baa

Is this grammar getting annoying Tom Jones

It’s dyslexic af popty ping as most of you already know popty ping so it is getting quite annoying for me as well baa

It’s hard to remember where everything goes baa

A bit like having sex really baa

Baa really should not be in the same sentence as sex really

Now that sentence doesn’t make sense if you’re still reading it as a full stop

Period really should not be in the same sentence as sex really

Well that’s a bit true also

Ewww

Unless you’re lesbian vampires then I guess live and let live

If that’s you’re thing I ain’t knocking it

I am legit on the edge of my bed

Fucking toe nails of death edging closer

I feel like I’m in an Indiana Jones film

Or James Bond

Edging closer to the edge of a cliff while spikes urge me backwards

A bit like Elsa and those guards in her ice castle

Well one was being pushed while the other was being impaled

Oh look I’ve been impaled

Oh bother

If you’re wondering why apostrophes never got a Welsh update it’s because I’m not that dyslexic

I know how to use grammar

I’m just being ironic

But I’d look like an idiot to not use apostrophes

So yeah

Point proven

Ironic peace sign

☮

No not that peace sign

✌

Yes that peace sign

Wow I need cake

🍰

More cake

🎂

More

Wait, real cake tho

I can’t eat pixles

I’m not PAC Man

Mostly cause I’m not a man

What is a PAC anyway?

It sounds very racist

Well whatever it is I’m not it

Unless it means dyslexic then yes

I am a PAC

Or Welsh

Then I am a PAC

Or awake at half six in the fucking morning

Then yes

I am

Indeed

A PAC

Man

Minus the man

Omg she curled her legs up

I’m away from the feet

I feel so freed

It feels like the liberation of France

I have so much space

I might even have enough room to turn over to the other side

😮

My god this is a joyous day

This shall go down in the history books

The day I was freed from the torture of toe nails

😄

And nope she just stretched her legs out again

Now I’m gonna have to cancel that party

Sorry no cake for you

Sorry Chuckles maybe you can come for Halloween instead

Just gonna stick a pin in all these balloons

Watch them all pop

Like my personal space bubble

Pop

It is done

There is nothing less

Oh sweet heavenly slumber why hath art forsaken me

Dramatic faint

Oh wait if I’m fainted than does that mean I’m not asleep

Maybe

But how am I typing

Can people sleep-text

I mean people drunk-text all the time and they manage that quite successfully

My mum used to say I sleep-sing

Is that true

Do I really sleep-sing

Of course fucking not I don’t fucking sleep

Or use grammar

Or do anything normally

I have legit spent half an hour of my life writing this post non-stop

And for what reason

Was it to tire me out

Was it to cure my boredom

Was it to make my friend laugh when she wakes up

No

No it wasn’t

I did this all for cake

Sweet sweet cake

And I would do anything for cake

I’d run right into hell and back

I would do anything for cake

Ect ect

I forgot the rest of the song

Meatloaf mf

I’m so fucking bored

Maybe I should write my own song

Or maybe I should sleep

Song it is then

So what should the song be about

Defo not a love song

Unless it’s about my love for cake

Then it that case it should be about a love triangle between me cake and pie

Why pie

Because she’s my cherry pie

And fuck all that rest of the song idkfml

I love how my autocorrect didn’t even bother to suggest a word for that

😂

So maybe the song should be about

Hold you horses she just actually for real tucked her legs up

Halaluhja

Praise the gods above

Or below

Or in the middle

Where you chillin at Gabriel

But omg I’m so fucking happy

I’m alive

I’m insomniactic but alive

I just wanna get up and great the world with a happy smile

Hello sunshine

Goodbye sunshine cause let’s be real this is Britain

Hello rain-clouds

Hello puddles

Hello awkward snail that tries to hug the pavement when I try and move you out from the middle of the pavement

Hello shops that are closed on a Sunday because fuck the milk I need for my morning cup of tea

Did I say morning

Sorry I meant 5 in the afternoon when I finally get the energy to role or of bed

It’s winter of course the sun has fucked of by 5pm

Sorry lad a babe in Australia wants me to kiss her whole body

😚

Does anyone what call freckles sun-kisses

Don’t worry I don’t call them that

My mum calls them that though

She used to tells us that so we wouldn’t feel bad about having them

Mum’s covered in them

Either she’s trying to spread possitivity about freckles or she’s having an affair with the sun

I mean it’s pretty hot

Who wouldn’t bang that

Me

And probably most of the population of the earth

Don’t worry mum you’ve got it all to yourself

But when you’re complaining about how you’re heart burns in desire

Just realise it is actually burning

Yup it actually burns

Burn

Oh my god I’m so bored

I just realised this whole post is like an hour in the life of the brain of Jesse Hester

Wtf

What a title

Screw whatever title I gave this post

That is the official title now

It’s only been there-quarters-of-an-hour

Fuck

You’re only three-quarters the way through this post

Ha

Ha ha

Ha

Bored yet

Cause I sure am

I want cake

I want tea

I want dick

-s like Mr Fedora Guy to fuck off

Ow stop kicking me baa

I’ve decided to start implementing the Welsh grammar again baa

It was creative and fun baa

What popty ping don’t you like it Tom Jones

What’s not to like about it Tom Jones

I thought you loved reading everything in Welsh baa

I’ll try writing in real Welsh then

Helo

I love how the Autocorrect changed it to help

Literally what I’m thinking right now

Helo

Dwi'n Jesse ydw i

Stop trying to capitalise i

It’s a word not the English word

Why do we capitalise I by itself but not the letter A by itself

And why did my Autocorrect decide to keep that I upcapitalised

Questions

I have ten minutes to talk

Fuck I’m slowing down

Never

Capitalise the word never

Because I haven’t actually fully capitalised any words yet

What the fuck is this post

I don’t even fucking know anymore

This was supposed to be just a fun little thing to keep me occupied

But now

Now this is a legend

A legacy

I have seven minutes to keep this up

Even if I feel sleep I can’t give this up

I can’t give up the randomness

I can’t give up the bad grammar

And I will not

For the love of God

Give up the

God

Damn

Cake

Capitalise the word Cake for drama

I love how my autocorrect make cake a person

Cake

Like it’s a name or something

Well Cake is my cakefriend now

We’re official

Don’t worry The Wife™ we’re still legally married

Holy fuck five minutes guys

I honestly don’t know how to end this post

I feel like it should just go out on a bang

But I don’t want to spoil the structure by suddenly adding a gif is something

What can I say

What can I do

Omg so many choices

But non is good enough

God I feel like I’m choosing universities all over again

What am I talking about I only ever wanted to go to this uni

Fuck the others

Three minutes

Holy fuck

Holy mother of fucking

Mothers fuck

Sad but true truth

Ew

I don’t want to think about that

I legit shipped my mum with the sun about twenty minutes ago

Two minutes

Shit shit shit

What do to

What do fucking do

Oh don’t you dare kick me

No

No way

Ugh

What is my life

One minute

Omg

Omgggggggggg

Add as many adjectives beginning with G to that acronym

Jess I love you bae

😘

Love you forever!!! ❤

SEVEN MOTHER FUCKING O'CLOCK

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #13- FINALE

I gotta say Im SUPERRR upset with myself right now. To be completely honest I feel like I could have won had my laptop not frozen which would have been really nice to have. What is making this worse is knowing I lost because my computer decided to freeze for 1st time ever! 

This is okies though. Once I get to the end I'll just be able to stick to the narrative of things never going my way but I still persevered! 

The silver lining to losing and Cheatham winning is knowing this means Sara goes. I was a little worried that if Cheatham left it keeps AMs options open. Now if he wins its gonna force her hand. I just have to promise her F2 even more and pray it convinces her NOT to do anything crazy

(LATER)

I've done some rethinking- if AnnMarie is in f4 with Sara and Austin I'd like to think it means she is not gonna try and target anyone but them. I should be safe...but I am also interested in seeing if Cheatham legit votes for Austin or not

Yeah so um...Apparently Austin leaked everything that Cheatham told him to AM and Chris yesterday so they added him to an alliance chat. But pretty sure they're also playing semi emotionally rn and not thinking straight. If AM was actually going to potentially idol Austin out before..she knows he's a clear threat. All it takes is Chris/am/cheatham to get together and hash this all out and turn on Austin. Though idk how likely it is Cheatham would do that. He's flat out told me that he knows Austin is the biggest threat yet he seems stuck like glue to him. I mean..so am I...but I don't really have a lot of other options...they all want me out...and there's no way to immunity streak. I really need Austin to stay because I truly believe he'll at least tie at f4 if we have to. Cheatham may not no matter how many times he's told that Am/Chris won't split. Or he'll vote me assuming he's winning final immunity.

I'm thinking about telling Cheatham straight up I am voting him. Its just weird because he seems to already know he is likely going so perhaps AnnMarie has already talked to him, not sure but I do feel bad even if he is voting me out

I feel like I am now sort of in a great spot because I am framing AnnMarie to be the one calling the shots but actually she is coming to me asking what to do O-O. So Operation: Wolfsheep(?) was a success! I told her to see how Sara feels about Austin/Chatham became we have to max our benefits!

(LATER)

Here we go again! Austin and AnnMarie on at the same time so lets get this party started

Hi Friends, its final five! And I wanted to quit the game again! By far the hardest immunity challenge that I've ever done and tbh it pissed me off. I lasted 3 hours and 14 minutes and for what? To fight for my life again bc I might get voted out? It pisses me off. My body is still completely sore. Anyways, My plan for this week is to convince Am to vote out either Chris or Austin, I don't care who, bc they will vote each other out if it means that they get to stay. I made a DAMN good plea to AM and it seems like it might have worked. BUT you never know. If this works out for me, Its just another thing on my resume :)

(LATER)

WELL CHANGE OF PLANS. REWIND. Austin literally just called me and told me how he got added to a F3 with AM and Chris.He told Sara about it so she wants me, him, and her to work together and get out CHRIS. AHHHH CRAZY RIGHT? Like I don't wanna work with them but it is the only thing that will get me through this week. Hopefully it works out. PEACE.

Ahhh! I feel like Dorothy in Oz right now! My yellow brick road is splitting and I don't know which path to followwwww!!! Technically AM could screw things with the idol (which she finally came clean about) but there's pros and cons to all vote options this round... Voting Cheatham this round would likely make it easier for me to win immunity. I also don't fully trust him. HOWEVER, that still leaves AM and Chris in the game together and I'm nearly certain they will vote together next round. Voting Cheatham would also keep a tad of trust with AM and hopefully she and Chris would fire Austin  instead of me. But Austin is also close with Chris. Taking this path would probably leave f3 wide open and if I did somehow end up f3 with Chris/AM, I HAVE to win immunity or I'm ducked. But if that f3 did happen and I won final immunity, I'd have a much easier win than with Austin...but do I even want it easy? That's boring. You can't be the best until you win against the best. And... Voting Chris would break him from AnnMarie and we wouldn't have to worry about them trying to make finals together. Plus, Cheatham would be there next round, so maybe I could get her to vote Cheatham out next round if he isn't immune. Then in a F3 situation, I THINK both Austin/AM would take me instead of each other. But it's also a risk because I'd be leaving AM out of this vote and she may not trust me. Or can #GirlPower prevail? Did any of this make sense? And all of this lit only works if Austin doesn't plan on turning against me. If he does ..then RIP my game all together.

omg i feel im def the one going home . all my flipping and leaking info has finally caught up to me and i cant blame ppl for finding out haha. we will see what happens. tumblr survivor gods please be with me!

3 votes Chris, 2 votes Austin.

WTF?!?! I cant believe I made it past that tribal.  Thank god for sara and cheatham having my back this vote. Idk what's gonna happen next but I gotta try not damn hardest on this immunity or it could be me going home next .

Idk what my end game plan is really.  Idc who I go to the end with I just wanna make it there.  So I gotta convince someone to vote with me so at least if anything it will be a tie and there is a chance for me . It's been a hard game but I have loved every second of it <3

Ughhhh...I know what needs to be done this round but it's soooo hard!! As annoyed as I am with the way Austin tried playing the game, making F2's with idek how many people, he's still like the nicest kid ever and I feel bad. Like bro, you had a good enough social game...you didn't NEED to do that. He literally probably would have gotten by with it too if it wasn't for him leaking AM's idol plans back to her (literally told him he's going to get himself in trouble) and also telling AM Cheatham/I were voting Chris so she should save him to take out Cheatham. Lit, he could have been honest with me and and just voted Cheatham and I wouldn't have cared. But trying to be so sneaky and then blatantly lying to me about it is something. And that is that on that. As far as this F3 goes...I'm nervous. I'd love to win final immunity to ensure a spot in finals but really it's a double edged sword. I won like 4 or 5 individual immunities in my last game and jury apparently dragged me saying that's the only reason I made finals. I knew that was not true and hosts did too, but perception is reality. Also, winning forces me to piss off either AM or Cheatham. I really do not need that. I low-key, strategically brought up a F2 to AM at the last vote just to see if she had one with Chris to decide what last rounds best vote was. If she had one with him, I figured she'd sorta brush off mine. If she didn't, I figured she'd be all for it. Well...she didn't tell me I'm her F2 until AFTER Chris was blindsided, so we know what that means. But now..she may have taken mine seriously and be saltier than the Atlantic if I gave her 3rd. What would ultimately be best is for one of the other 2 to win immunity and convince them to take me with. Unless they already have a f2 together, I think this would be easier with AM as I could use the 'Cheatham was the Thrush underdog' and '#GirlPower' on her. But...she's just not the greatest at comps so I feel that's not an option. Cheatham might be more difficult as I know fo sho he's thirsty for a W. He's literally tried taking me out for whatever reason several times. Why would he target me instead of AM if it wasn't for threat purposes? But if he did win, my argument is gonna be that she auto has Chris' vote and literally ZERO blood on her hands with the jury. What else can I use with him? Maybe peeps like Noah rigging immunity for me at merge so that I'd stay loyal and then backstabbing anyway. Salt. OR Liam asking for a F2 (even tho it was lit during Tribal and too late to save himself) and then voting him out. More salt. Honestly though, idk if anything I say would change his mind...so throwing the comp intentionally is risky...risky af...but it could also be the difference in winning/losing. How about that novel? x)

Hello friends. I've made it again. I was hoping that I could win immunity too but I couldn't. TBH, I don't THINK I'm going home this week. Though I very well could, I just don't see it. The way I'm playing this week is how to get a F3 that will take me to F2. My target this week is Austin. Sara told me a lot of shit about Austin so I think it is pretty obvious that she wants him out. Then there is AM who is very quiet but why would she not vote Austin. Hopefully Austin goes and then boom! I'm in F3 and HAVE to win that immunity.

(LATER)

OKAY this is my ENDGAME plans. Out of the four that are left. I'm hoping that I can take AM to F2. Tbh I feel I can defiantly beat Sara and AM. Sara I feel like just wouldn't take me to the end. Austin, though I feel I can beat, also played a really good game. I'm gonna plead my case to the jury like this. I was a target every single week for pre-merge. Every time, they wanted me out. I somehow managed to bounce back each time. I was unanimously Petrels target come swap/merge and I lasted through that. I gained a lot of peoples trust which was shown in the Captaincy immunity challenge. I was the vote that decided if Rizo was to go or not. And when it came time, I told him that. I tried my best to play an honest game. I was able to get the Idol and had it for 5 rounds without anyone voting it out of me. I was able to get everyone to take out Noah because I saw him as the biggest threat in the game. For Vincents week, I somehow convinced Sara and AM that the whole thing was Vincents idea and he made me believe that I needed to vote out Sara. EVEN AFTER I literally just used an idol to get Sara out. AND convinced Vincent to come BACK to me and vote Sara out .hats pretty badass. On Chris' week, once again I decided who goes home and I picked the right way if that means that I end up in F2. Every week, I had to FIGHT to be there. That is something that I don't think a lot of people had to do. I always came close to winning immunitys, if I didn't win. And proved that I'm not only a strong social player, but also a strong comp competitor.

IM HERE IM HERE IM HERE IM FINALLY HERE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I CANT BELIEVE IT I REALLY CANT BELIEVE IT OMG. THIS IS MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND IM SO HAPPY! I never thought I would make it this far into the game, and I'm so excited for the possibility of f3. People are telling me that they're voting Austin, but it's been awfully quiet. I'm scared that the silence is a sign, but I hope that I'm just being paranoid. I'm just happy to be here.

3 votes Austin, 1 vote AnnMarie.

well, here we are, final 3. I guess this is where my game ends. Sara just won immunity and after I plead my case and my feelings are basically crushed. She rubs a little salt in the wound by telling me a move that I messed up on. Vincent wasn't the one who told Sara and AM about the vote switch. It was Austin. It just really frustrating how this game played out. I worked my motherfucking ass off. It seems like I did it for nothing. This is my last org for hopefully a long while and I was hoping I'd get that edit of "Underdog Villain Wins the Season and Leaves the Hateful Community" and I didn't get that edit. I'm not gonna get that edit. I spent the entire first half of this game as the "Other vote" all people wanted to do was blindside me/ get me out. I had a breakdown early on in the game (def wasn't my last one) where I wanted to quit the game. The guy that I was falling in love with broke my heart, my job was chaotic, I was getting SHIT ON on discord, was doing endurance comp after endurance comp and there was no pay off, was failing my classes, was losing friendships, and all I wanted to do was quit. But I didn't and I kept going. I kept playing my ass off and it sucks to be out played. Im a sore. loser. TRUST ME I KNOW. But to come this far and still lose, it fucking sucks, Yes, this is just a game. I get it. Log off, quit, do whatever you need to do to not let it control your life. I can't DO THAT though. I love orgs! This is the kind of stuff that I always wanted to do! I have a lot of stuff to work on within myself. I know. But for right now, all I want to do is win. And I'm almost positive that its not gonna happen. I don't even think that Im gonna get POTS. Just sucks to put so much effort into something with zero pay off. Anyways. I guess I'll see y'all sometime. Much love.                                                                                             - The Villain

Did I just do THAT?!? Force myself to finals!? I know this sounds sappy and cheesy over an online game...but my entire life I've been really underestimated..for multiple reasons, so it feels great to be able to prove myself in any situation. No, I haven't won...but have at least dragged myself as far as you can go in this game. Now it's [semi] out of my hands. But now is the hard part... Who do I take with me!? I literally went to sleep last night wanting to take Cheatham. I woke up this morning wanting to slap myself in the face for thinking that. Now I want to take AM. The perk to taking AM is that I 100% feel that my game was superior. I also 'technically' asked her for a f2, though on my end it was more strategic as mentioned in an earlier confessional. However, I still do not like breaking F2s if avoidable. But she did also tell me she'd have taken Cheatham to finals over me so... And the perk to taking Cheatham is that I feel like he's more deserving of finals and winning (or losing) against him would feel much better than the other option. But is it worth breaking the f2, especially when AM was probably slightly more loyal to me? I know she said my name once too, but Cheatham said it multiple times AND tried to freaking idol me out! Even after all of that I was willing to work with him and saved him a couple rounds...but when is enough, enough??

Wow. I cannot believe I am finally here at the very end. This is so shocking to me. I have never gotten this far before in any game, so I am just so excited. I am so happy that Sara decided to take me with her to the end, but I know for a fact that I have a very small chance of winning this. I really need to get on track and figure out how to talk like a normal human being so I can win over the jury, any way I can. Making that video for right of passage was so pointless (although it was super fun to make). It was not what Sara and Cheatham had done. I really wish I would have done the doc to at least clarify what the hell I actually did in this game. In reality, I truly think I just played for a hell of a good time, and I had a hell of a good time, because it was a hell of a good time. You know what isn't a hell of a good time? Not being at the end with Cheatham. It would have been so fun, and I think it would be a little easier for me to talk. I think that speaking to the jury with Sara will get me a bit nervous. I am not the most articulate person, so going up against Sara concise speaking will ruin meeeee. But I will be extremely happy if Sara wins. She honestly deserves it.

Cheatham becomes the final member of the jury.