#NOW THEN IT IS TIME FOR MY REGULARLY SCHEDULED ‘LOSING MY DAMN MIND OVER YOUR ART�� SESSION

[solalunar-eclipse]

To everyone in the comments begging for a fic about this: PLEASE go read Heart of Gold with Blood-Red Eyes!!! It’s by this artist and features Shadow in a similar dynamic with Fleetway Super Sonic, and it is fantastic.

[bleachbleachbleach]

This is going to start as a vent and then transition into me being honestly a little nuts about Bleach filler, but man, this morning I received the FROSTIEST AO3 comment, which was a pretty atrocious way to start a Tuesday. Because I was like, well, I didn't actually need any help feeling bad about myself, I'm good at that on my own, but thanks I guess!! Tuesday morning is just. So early in the day and so early in the week for that.

My traditional response to this is to write more, and put more words between me and whatever thing I wrote before, but today I had meetings scheduled from 7-10:30PM, which meant I'd have to wait until after that to do any running away. But then the meetings ran over, and now I actually just have to write a bunch of meeting-related emails (and this very important post LOL), so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

BUT. Sometime after 9:30 I started to lose my damn mind and ensconced part of myself in one of B3's beloved pastimes, Boring Bleach LARP, and it was a very good time, all is resolved

Because we were talking about political capital and what factors can compel someone to expend it and the general tendency to safeguard it above all else, and I was like, man, considering Hitsugaya appears to have basically no strategy around his political capital, he's doing very well! Because while I think Hitsugaya is successfully strategic in a lot of different avenues, I'd be hard pressed to be convinced that the kind of political capital development/maintenance I'm talking about is on that list. He is constantly involved in random nonsense that almost certainly have more potential political consequences than gains (no one cares if you mount a *successful* defense against the Bount, but it does matter if it goes very poorly and then requires everyone else to also have to get involved. See also: those dinosaur clone arrancar in the Advance Team filler, the amount of meaningless commuting he and Matsumoto did in Movie 1; transporting the King's Seal in Movie 2 (and literally everything else about that movie); running around Rukongai with the 11th in Movie 3; Hell Gate shenanigans in Movie 4; taking care of the 11th during the Bount Arc, etc.) The Gotei seems to have generally pretty low standards as far as what you can get away with and what your reputation can weather (unless Hollowfication is involved), but that is a whole lot of nonsense with no inherent payoff. The most motley resume, the results of most of which were poor to middling! No political strategist in their right mind would advise any of this. (Luckily this is not a job that is appears anyone has ever heard of in the Gotei.)

But basically everyone respects and trusts him! Not just to put in the time and do the work off on his own where they don't have to deal with it. Other captains are out here regularly taking orders from Hitsugaya in Bleach filler. I don't actually think we as an audience have ever witnessed a reason why they should, but they don't seem to have any reservations about it. I'd say it's because none of them have any concept of political strategy either but I think half of them actually do?? And yet. I feel like this is like the one thing Hitsugaya puts zero thought into and ends up reaping huge dividends from, at the same time as a lot of the things he actually works for are doing their damndest to not pay off. Just to spite him, probably.

[starlostastronaut]

DAY 05 | MORE THAN THIS NOW

PAIRING: bang chan x reader

GENRE: fluff

WC: 1.17k

CW: nothing i think

PROMPT: accidentally saying they think the other one is pretty

i am terribly sorry for the delay, but tuesdays are the worst in terms of free time (but its almost 10:30pm here so i didnt technically fail lol). but we should be back to your regularly scheduled program for day6 ;)

my personal hc is chris being a confident flirt until it comes to his own crush. like he's a mess. so anyway, don't think too much about the storyline here, there really isn't one lol. i just wrote what came to mind to get it out for you. i hope you enjoy haha <3

title from crushcrushcrush - paramore

general masterlist here

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Your eyes skimmed over the closet and ended up on the pile of clothes on Chan's bed. You had stayed at the dorm so often that the boys decided to keep some of your clothes there for emergencies such as this. It was your annual movie night, where you met up with the boys and their girlfriends (if they had them). The night went on as usual without a hitch, until it didn't. But to be fair, someone should have predicted Jeongin tripping over somebody's legs and spilling his drink all over you. They were apparently used to accidents like these because Chan immediately went to pick out a new shirt for you while Felix's girlfriend helped you clean yourself up. Chan came by the kitchen, telling you he left some clothes in his room so you could change in private. 

Yet there you were, completely ignoring the carefully picked-out shirt in favour of Bang Chan’s closet. Looking at the black shirts, you felt as if they were calling you. What harm would it do to wear one of Chan's shirts, right? You have worn his jacket hundreds of times when you were cold. But this was something different. Wearing his shirt unprompted indicated that you were his. You ignored the excited fluttering of your heart as you picked out a shirt you knew Chan would recognize. So maybe you had a tiny crush on the singer. Damn you for indulging a bit, right? This was harmless fun, and if you were to be completely honest, you looked forward to seeing Chan's reaction.

When you came back to the living room, a few people turned around to stare at you. Changbin and Minho shared a knowing look before they went back to organizing the snacks. You didn’t miss the smirks on both of their faces. The rest too looked away again one by one, focusing on whatever activity they were doing. Well, everyone except Bang Chan. You felt his eyes follow you as you walked across the room to sit next to Jisung, who began filling you in on what movie they picked out while you were changing.

Chan was at a loss for words. He couldn't take his eyes off of you in his shirt. Of course, he recognized it. How could he not? Firstly, it wasn't the one he laid out for you, and secondly, you yourself bought him that shirt not so long ago. There was suddenly something different about you, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He couldn't help but wonder what even caused you to wear his shirt. Did you not like what he picked out for you? Did you lose some bet and the whole accident was scripted? Or did you just decide to be a tease for no reason?

The movie night resumed in the meantime, and when Chan finally tore his gaze away from you, he noticed the film was already playing. He tried his best to catch up on the plot and characters, but his efforts were severely undermined by the fact that he kept glancing in your direction. He usually managed fairly well in your presence, having mastered the sneaky looks and “No, I definitely don't have a crush, why would you say that?" But today was different somehow. And then it hit him. He liked seeing you in his clothes, acting so casual about it. It sparked a certain sense of possessiveness in him. To an outsider, it would look like you’re his partner. 

Realizing staring was rude, Chan turned his attention back to the TV. It didn't stay that way for long, though, because every time he tried to focus on the movie, his eyes always found their way back to you. Your laugh, the way your eyes sparkled, and the slight blush that appeared on your cheeks after Jisung whispered something to you. It all captured his attention like never before.

“Chan? Are you okay?”

Your voice seemed to bring him back out of his trance, because he blinked a few times to snap out of his dazed state. “You're gorgeous,” he blurted out, catching his mouth in the following seconds. “I… I mean…” he stuttered, hiding his face in his hands, silently admitting defeat. He missed the way your cheeks went red and a smile appeared on your face. “Sorry.” Chan quickly stood up and ran out of the room, the embarrassment too high to manage.

You were left there, hopelessly looking in the direction in which Chan disappeared. “Go after him,” Felix and his girlfriend said in unison. They stood up, each taking one of your hands and pulling you up. “Go,” Felix urged you and pushed you in the direction of Chan's room.

“Alright, I'm going. I'm going.” You held your hands up in mock surrender, but you did go after Chan.

Without knocking, you entered and found Chan sitting on his bed. “What's wrong? Why did you run away?” you asked, sitting down next to him. He raised his head when he heard you.

“That was not how I wanted to say that,” he murmured.

“Say what?” you questioned, tilting your head to the side.

“That I think you're pretty? I don't know. I guess I imagined something more intimate than a room full of our nosy friends.” He chuckled at the irony. This situation was pretty close to his vision of an intimate situation. Shame it happened this way, he thought.

You stayed silent, confused by his words. This wasn't like him at all. Chan was a natural flirt; he said things like that all the time. It was just a word, so why was he making a big deal out of it? Sure, it couldn't have been because he might have felt something for you. Or could it? Now that you have thought about it, it would make sense. He seemed to always find you, even in a crowded room. He stayed by your side at every social gathering, keeping you company and then making sure you got home safe. He was always there when you needed something. You chalked it up to him being a good friend, but what if there was something else behind it? You voiced your theory.

Chan's bitter laugh rang through the room. “Was I that easy to read?" He tore his eyes away from you. “Look, can we just forget this? I don't want to ruin anything.”

You pretended to carefully weigh the option, but you decided the moment he confirmed having a crush on you. “We could do that,” you nodded. “But I have a better idea. What about we discuss it somewhere else, preferably on a date?” You winked at him, which sent Chan into another round of laughter, but this time a much happier one.

“Your flirting sucks, but you're hard to resist,” he smirked, all of his previous mood gone. He was back to the playful Chan you knew. “So when you're free?”

taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh @ivaneedssleep @jazziwritesthings

©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission

[binunus]

college bf!eunwoo

a/n I LOVE HIM !! I WOULD LITERALLY RISK IT ALL FOR HIM !! also rip to the disappointing hookup experience I had that made an appearance in this headcanon...yes I’m still angry about it.

→ pairing: eunwoo x f!reader

→ genre: smut, fluff, fwb to lovers

→ tw: hookup culture, mentions of drinking and drug use, implied almost SA, this is a bit heavy compared to the other ones like please be a cautious a little when you’re reading this

→ word count: 5.6k

_______________________________

here we go ladies and gents

i had something completely different planned for this

and it was super angsty and dramatic

but i had a monumental experience last night so I’m changing this up

and okay okay

i usually try to write all my stuff gender neutral but bc of the idea I have for some of this plot, it’s gonna be a female reader

im sorry to all my male identifying loves :(

and back to our regularly scheduled program

cha motherfuckin eunwoo

lee fuckin dongmin

he doesn’t go by dongmin, he prefers to go by eunwoo, only his family calls him dongmin

as soon as he stepped foot into the university, everyone knew him

and I mean everyone

he’s so attractive

but don’t get it twisted, eunwoo’s the humblest, sweetest bean

he gets very embarrassed when people compliment him for his looks

applied for random roommates his first year and got paired up with swimmer!bin

he and bin become besties and end up rooming together their entire college career

major: music performance, specialty in piano

most people (besides those in the music department or astro) would have never thought eunwoo was a music major, especially since he was incredibly smart and athletic too???

usually gets mistaken for a STEM major

often helps the boys (especially rocky and sanha) with their studies

and oof when he tries out for–and makes it into–the basketball team

everyone ???? floored

eunwoo has game on the court...now with dating??? eh not so much

(at least not sober shh)

he’s tried dating before, at least in the first year or so

the basketball team kept trying to set him up with people

but it never got anywhere substantial and eunwoo always trusted astro to really give the vibe check and no one ever passed

and so he settled for hookup culture every now and then

his emotions are guarded :’(

yes he’s very easy to talk to and always so nice and well mannered

but he’s only himself with astro

now, where do you come into this???

you’re a cheerleader

you and eunwoo know each other by association

you cheer for his home games, you’ve been in a couple of classes together, you’ve seen each other at parties

but would you call yourselves friends?? not really

now you know it’s highly unlikely for you to have a lasting boyfriend in college, especially with your affiliation as a cheerleader, so you also opt for hookup culture

less messy feelings, less drama, less commitment, all that fun

so the first time your paths really intertwine with eunwoo is at a party

the basketball team won a big game and they were out celebrating yuh

and ofc since it’s his team, eunwoo popped out

he only really attends parties hosted by the basketball team bc he feels a bit obligated to go LOL but he always brings swimmer!bin for support 

and it’s chill bc bin is also an athlete–yes it’s exclusive like that

but this time, bin couldn’t go so it’s just eunwoo hanging with his team

and yes, you can guess it, you and him get partnered up to play beer pong together!

that’s so cliche omg

but ah ha you hear your opponent, one of eunwoo’s teammates say to one of your fellow cheerleaders: don’t worry baby, I’ll carry you through this game

and you cringed a little ugh men

eunwoo turns to you like: ah sorry if we lose, it’s all luck with me. The guys usually pick to play me bc I’ll probably lose. I’ll drink the cups for you though if you want me to.

you get a little fired up, like aw why do they pick on him that’s not fair

you: well I’m not horrible at pong, so let’s try to crush em

he played pretty well ok! you both got balls back twice in a row right in the beginning

your team was on a roll

you and eunwoo won three games back to back

you were feeling a bit bloated and hazy from the beer that you and him had to drink, but you were still pretty self aware

and you and eunwoo were just chilling after playing the games, you two were on a pretty good wavelength and you wanted to continue it after joking around in between plays

alright now obviously you don’t go into these parties just strictly looking for a hookup, you go to have fun and let loose

but if the person and situation arises??? you wouldn’t necessarily turn it down, especially if that person was cha eunwoo

and yeah, eunwoo was entertaining the idea too, it’s been a while since he vibed with someone like he has with you

basically by the end of the night, you brought him back to your place–you’d rather eat shit than hook up at the basketball house, it was messy and musty and just nope

your place was closer than his

and ~yuh~

it was pretty damn good

he didn’t stay the night, bc well this was a hookup, so after you both had your fill it was a casual alright see you around!

oh lord the fuss your cheerleading team gave you at the next practice asking how your hookup with eunwoo was

the news spread like wildfire

eunwoo didn’t hook up very often so every time he did, it was like breaking news

which is honestly a bit fucked up, but seriously this is how college is

alright so your sex drive skyrocketed after fucking eunwoo 

you hook up with another guy at one of the following parties

but it didn’t compare to eunwoo rip so you were pretty disappointed

and you were sorta wondering like hm? should you hit him up? but decided against it 

and then! you saw him at the gym working out with literally all of astro

bin probably forced the other 4 to come with him and eunwoo sksksksk

and you were like shit why does he look so good

not gonna lie, just in case he was looking over, you tried to make your ass and tits pop out a bit more, you know squats and shit

unfortunately, it caught the attention of other guys at the gym and not eunwoo grrr

and you were literally just planning to stop being a coward and go up and talk to him, but a guy blocked your path

and he was lowkey being very creepy and way too close for your liking

but you weren’t having it, hell no you ain’t a damsel in distress

being a cheerleader taught you how to defend yourself against predatory men

so you were basically telling him to fuck off and leave you alone, but he was being really damn persistent about it

and just as the guy was about to put a hand on you, eunwoo steps in and he’s like: dude, she’s clearly not interested, fuck off.

after a bit of a stare off, the guy leaves and wow you’re face to face with eunwoo again hehehe

his eyes switch from a glare to a soft worried look and he’s like, hey are you okay?

and you’re like a little giddy, maybe also a little bit turned on bc he’s still like fresh from a workout, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead, his arm muscles were really defined right now, and just he’s so hot? 

but you smile nonchalantly, you genuinely could have just slapped the shit out of the guy or kicked him right in the baby factory, but eunwoo stepping in was also a pleasant surprise, you weren’t complaining

you: yeah. I could have handled it, but thanks for helping

and he just grins, your confidence?? attractive

the two of you just like look at each other for a couple seconds and you’re yelling at yourself in your head like don’t cop out this is what you were waiting for !!

you: so...you’re here with your friends?

eunwoo: yeah, me and my roommate forced them to come work out with us haha. did you come by yourself?

you: yeah, I usually work out with my teammates, but I decided to come alone today

eunwoo nods and you see him like look at your neck and you immediately get a bit shy bc you knew there was a hickey there from your last (very disappointing) hookup: you’ve been having fun recently?

your face flushes: the last one was embarrassing really, so honest to god no

eunwoo: why was it embarrassing? if...you don’t mind me asking

you immediately facepalm: no, yeah I don’t mind telling you...ugh, eunwoo I was literally catfished. this guy really talked mad game about his dick and then when I agreed to hook up, he asked me to suck him off and it literally only took him less than ten minutes. and after he came, he just pulled up his pants and said “damn you give really good head” like the fuck? he didn’t even offer to return the favor or anything, and when I asked him “wait, are we gonna fuck?” he just said “maybe next time.” maYbE neXt tiMe?? I was played so hard, you have no idea how pissed I was, eunwoo. and now I have to wait for his dumb fucking hickey to heal so that I can literally just repress that hookup even happened.

his jaw literally dropped: he didn’t give you anything?

you shook your head, you were getting pissed again 

eunwoo couldn’t believe his ears, he glances back at astro for a second and then he clears his throat: well...what are you doing after the gym?

you: nothing, just going home and taking a shower. My roommate’s not gonna be home tonight so I’m probably gonna wallow in my sorrows about that hookup again

he laughs: well sounds like you have a fun night planned, but if you want some company?? I’d be more than happy to come over and help you forget about the sad disrespect of that hookup.

who said eunwoo couldn’t flirt ???

and he was thinking about hitting you up again too before but he didn’t wanna seem like a fuckboy or anything

but seeing you defend yourself against the guy?? lowkey was a bit of turn on for him

obviously you agreed hello

eunwoo going up to astro: so uh...imma head out first...I’ll see you guys later. :)

sanha: hyung so scandalous *O*

you and eunwoo fuck again

and after this time, the two of you have a little bit of pillow talk

basically you tell him that fucking him ruined all other guys for you bc he was just that good

and eunwoo usually gets shy from compliments, but his ego with this one??? he felt a bit proud ohohoho

and he’s like: honestly, you’re the only person I’ve fucked in six months, but I gotta agree that our sexual chemistry is pretty good

so where do you two go from there?

friends with benefits baby, full on fuck buddies

you both talk and agree that you two weren’t looking for relationships at the moment, but the sex was good

i’m gonna get into specifics later, but for now a little more plot

obviously, you and eunwoo talk a lot more now that you two were basically fucking each other at least once a week

the guys notice that he’s so much more?? carefree?? less stressed out?? ever since you and him started your little agreement

and they’re already scheming by themselves, like eunwoo would not get into a situation like this unless he trusted you as a person

and at first it was really just, call each other over, have sex, stay for a little bit longer, then leave

neither of you ever stayed the night bc that’s just an unspoken rule

until there was this one party, a group of people were in one of the rooms at the basketball house and they told you to come join them and ~do drugs~

don’t dabble kids, I’m serious

and you were chilling with eunwoo and bin for a bit until they called you over and you were like: wanna try too?

eunwoo and bin didn’t do it obviously, but you were curious so you went and told them you would be back in a bit

eunwoo was worried about you, bin could see it from a mile away

he kept glancing back at the room and one by one people started to come out, but none of them were you

bin nudging eunwoo: go check up on her

eunwoo opens the door to see you being like pinned down on the bed and he turns livid

he pulls the guy off you and punches him right in the face like: what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what did you give her?

you’re noticeably out of it, sobriety? not there

the guy basically laced something in the drug he gave you, omg you were roofied??

bin comes in and he literally has to hold eunwoo back from beating the shit out of the other guy

the two take you back to their apartment and were making sure that you didn’t die or something shit

literally cannot believe the first time you slept over at eunwoo’s place was when you were drugged up

you wake up the next morning, nauseous, body weak, and confused

eunwoo also wakes up because of your movement: hey y/n, are you okay?

you: eunwoo...what...what happened last night??

he sits up and gives you a recount of the party and you just like hug your body tightly when he brings up the drugs and start crying

he’s a bit shocked when he sees your tears, but he just pulls you in for a hug to try and comfort you, obviously that must have been a bit traumatic

eunwoo: hey...it’s okay...I’m just glad I checked up on you before something worse happened

you: I’m such a fucking idiot...I can’t believe I let myself get put in that situation again...no wonder people think I’m a just a dumb whore.

~trauma~

you and him spill your deepest darkest most traumatizing secrets that morning and you just feel more connected to him

you: I honestly never really told anyone...thanks eunwoo, you’re a good friend.

he feels more protective of you after that??

you start hanging around with him and astro more

and the guys really like having you around !!

you’re very easy to get along with, you also joke and tease eunwoo with them, they love you !

you even become really friendly with the other guys’ partners

about half a year into your fuck buddy relationship with eunwoo

everyone: why aren’t you dating y/n yet?

eunwoo: what do you mean?? we’re just friends...with benefits??

before you even know it, you’re spending literally all your time (when you’re not training or practicing or at class) with eunwoo and his friends

you sleep more at eunwoo’s than you do at your own apartment

honestly you two are already acting like a couple

except for the fact that you only kiss each other when you’re fucking, or you don’t hold hands in public, or you don’t say the L word to each other obviously

but the cuddles? the jokes? the hanging out? if you two are seen together there’s still a little form of physical touch––like a hand on the waist, or resting his elbow on your shoulder––something that tells other people that you two are a bit exclusive to each other

and maybe it’s because both of your emotional capacities when it comes to relationships are akin to a pubescent thirteen year old, but you and eunwoo?? don’t really realize that you’re both basically in love with each other

and it’s also the fact that catching feelings in a friends with benefits?? forbidden

but what if both people catch feelings?

you don’t realize you like eunwoo until a year of fucking each other

damn a year?? y’all really suppressed those romantic feelings hard

you and him were hanging out, per usual, but in the piano rooms of the music building

eunwoo had to practice his repertoire for an upcoming performance and you were free so you decided to come along and keep him company

you knew he was a music major and that he played piano, but you never actually heard him play

you were just chilling by the window, scrolling through your phone, and then he just starts playing and your jaw?? literally dropped

it was so intricate and fluid and elegant, you looked over to the keys and his hands just moved so expertly over them

you were put in a trance, it was so beautiful??

and then you look up and his concentration? seriousness? he has honestly never looked more attractive to you than in that moment

and then eunwoo meets your eyes and he smiles a little: is it bad?

you: no, you’re amazing actually...

and your stomach does a triple somersault and your cheeks start heating up, like why is your heart going haywire???

you start spacing out and obviously he notices

eunwoo calls your name and pats the space next to him on the piano bench

eunwoo: what are you thinking of, hm?

you: n-nothing. keep playing, I wanna hear more

and so he does and your heart just won’t chill out, especially now that you’re literally sitting mere centimeters apart from him

he’s still playing and you just can’t stop thinking about how much you want to kiss him–and not in a sexual way

and that honestly scared you, so you panicked and put your hand near his crotch

eunwoo jolts in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything, he just chuckles and continues playing

do you have sex in the piano room to try and distract yourself from whatever you were feeling? yeah

you hide your feelings for a little bit, but the more time you spent with him, the stronger they got, and you honestly didn’t know what to do

so you tried distancing yourself, you gave eunwoo the excuse that cheerleading competitions were coming up–which they were, so it wasn’t a complete lie–and you needed to focus and have time to yourself

it was so weird for you not seeing him and astro all the time, you barely responded to his text messages or calls, and when you saw him around campus, you would immediately try to avoid him, and it hurt but you were ~scared~

eunwoo’s a smart boy, he knew something was off with you

but after a week of trying to contact you, he didn’t wanna seem annoying or a bother, so he tried not to

even though all he wanted was to see you or talk to you, like it was beyond sex at this point

he missed you, he thought he was going to go insane

he didn’t realize his feelings for you until he saw you talking to a guy in the athletic building

he had basketball practice, and you just finished your cheerleading practice

you were talking to this one guy from your philosophy class, basically joking around and talking shit about your professor

and eunwoo saw you smile at something the guy said and he just felt jealous

his fists clenched, he hated seeing you smile and laugh with the guy like how you used to do with him

and it also didn’t help that you and him haven’t really talked in two or three weeks and he just missed you so much :(

he tried not to think about it during his practice, but it didn’t work, he was off his game for this one, even his teammates and coach noticed it

he went back to his place after practice and called over the boys and basically vented his frustrations

jin: eunwoo. you like y/n

eunwoo: I know...fuck what do I do

bin: tell her, obviously

eunwoo: and risk our?? friendship??

myungjun: you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that she likes you back

rocky: yeah...I mean why else do you think noona started distancing herself from you?

eunwoo: maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t met up in a while and I saw her talking to that guy and I don’t know? I’m horny?

sanha: hyung...you sound indenial and jealous.

bin: you like her. we’re surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.

anyway, the day of the competition comes, and the guys and their partners decide to pop out and support you

and seeing them actually made you feel so warm, you wave at them brightly and you meet eyes with eunwoo and you smile at him even though the butterflies are back and at full force

the group is so proud watching you and your team compete, their cheers are debatably the loudest and you literally have to stop yourself from laughing in the middle of your routine

your school places first yuh

and after talking with your team and discussing celebration plans, you go to the group

you were having such an adrenaline rush, you immediately run up to eunwoo in a crushing hug and you kiss him

eunwoo doesn’t even hesitate to kiss you back

astro and them: ohohoho hey

you: I’m so happy you all came! I can’t believe we actually won!

you were going to celebrate with your team bc you knew they were throwing a party, but celebrating with eunwoo and astro/their partners seemed way more appealing to you

you all go out to dinner and drink a little bit casually and it’s all such good vibes

you missed hanging around with them all and it just felt so right

eunwoo rested his hand on your thigh the whole time throughout dinner, he missed you alright, and just seeing you so happy with all his friends? he was hooked

when the group parts ways, it’s just you and eunwoo heading back to his place bc bin is spending the night at his partner’s apartment

and honestly the tension is so thick between you two

you barely make it past the door before you’re both latched onto each other, making out and all that steamy stuff

after you have sex, the two of you are having that post-sex cuddle in his bed and your heart is pounding so loud

you: hey...I’m sorry if it was weird that I kissed you earlier at the venue, I don’t really know what came over me, I was just so glad to see you guys

eunwoo: you don’t have to apologize for that y/n...I missed you

you roll around so that your back is to him bc you do not have the strength to look at him in the eyes right now

eunwoo hugs your waist and pulls you in his chest, he’s spooning you and he has no plans on letting you go any time soon

you: uh...eunwoo, I-we-uh maybe we should stop this...thing from going any further

he literally freezes: ...did I do something wrong?

you: no! it’s...I...fuck I don’t know how to say this...I know we’ve been hooking up for a year but just recently I...think I have feelings for you...and it’s not fair for either of us to continue this if we’re not on the same page.

eunwoo: y/n, I–

you’re rambling now, you’re scared of what he has to say: and honestly you’ve become someone I really don’t wanna lose in my life. You’re an amazing person and friend, and I don’t wanna fuck that up by having feelings for you, especially since you probably don’t feel the same. I just...can’t have casual sex with you anymore...I’m sorry, it would break me.

you’re like trying to get up and you tell him that you’re going to go to the party your team’s hosting but he just tightens his grip

eunwoo: don’t go...please

you: eunwoo, I can’t stay here–

eunwoo: you don’t even know what I feel, y/n...why are you so sure that I don’t feel the same way as you?? because I do...honest to god, y/n, I like you so fucking much. the month that you didn’t talk to me was like hell and I don’t ever wanna experience that again. I missed you so much I thought I was going crazy...please don’t go.

you roll around and face him again

you: y-you like me? you’re not just saying that because you want to keep having sex?

eunwoo: I’m not just saying that because of the sex...I promise

you: so...what does that make us now?

eunwoo: well would you do me the honors and be my girlfriend?

god finally you two are dating

you realize that not much really changes after the two of you make it official

the pda does increase though, you actually hold hands and kiss each other in public now

and you two are more cutesy with each other

yes astro pretends to gag whenever they see you act all coupley

petnames!! you call each other baby, sometimes you call him minnie!! as in dongminnie !! im screaming!!

a poster couple, the basketball player and the cheerleader

literally when you’re both wearing your uniforms and you kiss each other, it’s like one of those teen movies

lots of forehead kisses especially right before bed

eunwoo’s a clingy cuddly boy, especially now that you two are together

lots of study dates?? he is a scholar after all

you’re each other’s biggest supporters !! you always go to all of his recitals and basketball games, he always goes to your competitions

he’s very soft okay, will never stop showing you off or telling you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you

the first I love you came shortly in the relationship, and that’s because you’ve known each other a year prior and the feelings were really just building up since then

you were in the piano room again and he was just playing for fun, but you always loved hearing him ~tickle those ivories~

he was playing a song and singing along and you swear you had heart eyes for him, his voice was so soft and gentle and just wow

you’re sitting next to him and you just hug his waist while he’s playing

eunwoo’s smiling so wide and then he’s singing to you 

he doesn’t even get to finish the song, because you’re grabbing his face and kissing him 

he’s laughing in between kisses and you can’t help but laugh with him

grrr he’s so cute!

and then you two are just looking at each other

eunwoo: hm? 

you: I love you, minnie

he doesn’t miss a beat: I love you too, y/n

you and him have a lot of deep talks together, especially right before bed

it’s the time when he can just let out all the frustrations of the day and just be with you

he actually holds a lot of pressure and worries, but knowing that you’re by his side, comforts him a lot

the two of you have so many pictures together it’s so cute

eunwoo’s a bit possessive alright, not in the toxic way, but will he tighten his grip on your waist if a guy seems to be getting a little too friendly with you? yeah

not gonna lie, you get possessive too, it’s hard especially if your boyfriend is cha eunwoo, he’s the fucking perfect package god dammit

you both tell each other that you don’t have to worry about other people bc y’all are just both so whipped for each other

but it’s still cute when either of you are jealous

he’s actually pretty into couple items, but it has to be like minimalistic-style

like matching plain color hoodies or matching pajama sets

will not wear a “he’s mine, she’s mine” shirt or something

but it’s okay bc neither would you sksksk

will he wink at you if he makes a three pointer during his game? yeah.

literally loves when you wear his clothes or fuck, his jersey?? a turn on

and here we go !! I’ve been talking about sex so much but let’s get into it !!

in the beginning, like before you two started dating, when it was just your fuck buddy friendship, it was sexy

and not saying that it’s not sexy now that you two were in a relationship, but before it was just lust

eunwoo’s a freak alright, you can’t convince me otherwise

he’s a little kinky

definitely into food play, you two use whipped cream during foreplay a little too much...

100% into anal

you know how much he loves ass, has a very nice ass himself

and we already been knew, but yes he’s an ass guy

s p a n k i n g

eunwoo seeing you in your cheerleading skirt? immediate turn on

will literally fuck you while you’re wearing your skirt...just your skirt.

alright alright, you have a hand kink...was it awoken by watching eunwoo play piano all the time? yes

does eunwoo use that to his advantage? yes

the amount of times he’s fingered you??? vaginal and anal??? lord have mercy

very much into overstimulation, will keep fingering you until you squirt

and yes im bringing back my the choking kink

literally if his hands make any contact with your neck area, even when he’s just kissing, you will drench

but ugh you and eunwoo making out and you know how he like cups the back of the neck?? i know y’all have seen it from the true beauty kiss scenes, and then it gets heated and his grip just moves to the front and squeezes and when your mouth opens in a gasp, he shoves his tongue down your throat

that’s so sexy

do you like choking on his cock? probably more than you should

does he make you deep throat until tears are literally streaming down your face? most definitely

he loves marking you?? it’s just a tell tale way to show everyone you’re his

he’s a bit feisty...will he manhandle you during sex?? yeah

eunwoo is a dom. I am 100% convinced that he is a dom, you won’t be domming him honey

daddy and babygirl kink...I said it...

okay he’s a bit of an exhibitionist...would probably be down to have sex anywhere as long as you don’t get caught

piano room sex? locker room sex? library sex? movie theater sex? restaurant bathroom sex? yes you’ve done it all

will he finger you while you guys are having a movie night with the guys? yeah

eunwoo’s a tease, he’s a little shit, will tease you until you’re literally in tears begging for him to just do something

favorite position is doggy, it’s the view of the ass for him

although you two both do like experimenting different positions, especially if it has to do with “training your flexibility”

will pull your hair while he’s fucking you from behind, and will plug your asshole with his thumb–don’t knock it until you try it...it’s...a pretty good feeling

sometimes wakes you up by eating you out

very much a giver ugh king

the type to grip your thighs tighter when you try to push him away from overstimulation just to force another orgasm out of you

believe it or not, he’s a gasper/grunter/groaner

nothing is hotter than hearing eunwoo groan right when he’s about to cum oooof grrrr bark bark

okay but soft gentle sex with eunwoo is so passionate

all you feel is the love and sincerity, especially when he’s just looking in your eyes

the love making happens a lot more obviously when you start dating

he’s just so in love with you alright

gives the best and sweetest after care ugh

cleans you up, gives you massages especially if it was a rough session, cuddles you, draws you a bath, brings you water, everything

always makes sure to tell you he loves you after sex

i would risk it all for eunwoo like please ruin my life

anyway

ugh I just wanna put the idea of protective eunwoo during a party in your head

his hand is always on you. waist, thigh, shoulder, anywhere casually

you don’t fight?? but you do argue

arguing is healthy, and you both would rather let it out and bicker with each other in the moment than let it bottle in and build up into something worse

but when you do have a disagreement, no matter how big or small, you two always make sure to never go to bed angry with each other

communication is very important for the both of you

you’re his better half :’) all the things eunwoo struggles with, you help him with it and vice versa

he figured out you were the one for him during one of your deep late night pillow talks

he was worried about what he’d do in the future after graduating, like he was genuinely having a crisis about it

but you just talked so calmly to him: baby, no matter where you end up after graduation or what you end up doing, you’re going to be fine. You’re such a hard worker and I know that you’ll succeed...no matter what, I’ll be here for you minnie. I believe in you, you’re future is going to be great.

and he just kisses you so sweetly: will you be in my future, baby?

you’re smiling and you just giggle at him: if you want me to be...I’d love to be a part of it.

ugh y’all are so whipped for each other !!

astro always teasing you two, even when you’re all older

you and eunwoo are equally ticklish so basically y’all are fucked when they wanna mess with you

both of your families love you and him instantly

they push marriage immediately after you both graduate college

even astro’s like: we know you two are probably gonna tie the knot first...when’s the wedding?

not gonna lie, you and eunwoo probably get married probably 2-3 years after college, pretty young age

sidenote: eunwoo 100% cries at your wedding, especially when he sees you walking down the isle in your dress

and he has huge baby fever so you bet y’all had kids fairly young too

the best dad !! ugh he loves kids !! ugh so domestic

im just gonna say, y’all have beautiful children

trusts bin and jinjin to babysit your kids the most...he’s scared of the rest of the boys watching over his children

anyway eunwoo literally deserves the world and I just?? love him so much?? happy ending yay hehe

_________________________________________

2-21-21

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[themorphine]

The Picnic-Feysand Date <3

So happy to announce that me and @wintersouldier57 teamed up and wrote a feysand fic in celebration of both hitting 100 followers! Go say congrats to @wintersouldier57 SHES AMAZING

It had been a long few weeks for the high lord and lady of the night court. Between their regularly scheduled meetings and taking care of Nyx, things had been hard. They had scarcely found any time for themselves in the midst of it, hardly any to just be together, enjoying each other’s presence. When Feyre wasn’t at a meeting, Rhys was in the Illyrian mountains handling the armies with Cassian. When Rhys was home, Feyre was at the art studio. Their schedules never seemed to line up.

They often spoke mentally, providing each other as much comfort as they could in that capacity, but they soon found that even psychic communication had its limits when it came to comforting one another. Feyre missed the way his arms felt around her, the way he would whisper soothing words into her ear when things became too much to handle. She understood that they had their responsibilities to their court. They were high lord and lady, after all. Still, she was restless. She wanted nothing more than to feel his embrace, nothing more than to drown in a pool of the transcendent love he offered her.

There was a dull ache in her heart that she knew only he could alleviate. She longed for him. She had not known desperation so deep since her days before coming to Prythian. That desperation, that hunger, had burned, but never like this. It had seared from the inside out, but never straight from the heart. Not like this did. This killed slowly, she thought, deliberately. She felt as though she had been traipsing around Velaris with half a soul, never quite able to get comfortable anywhere she went.

She would see him today. For the first time in weeks, everything lined up. Cassian and Azriel had agreed to take Nyx off their hands for the day for what Cassian called “much-needed uncle time”. They would pick him up as soon as she returned home for the day.

She was a bit surprised that Cassian had not said anything, no teasing. She didn't say anything though, she did not want to give him any ideas. He probably does not want to lose any time with Nyx, she thought, and chuckled silently.

“What’s so funny my High Lady? Rhysie has some good jokes for once?” Rhysand must have heard that from wherever he was, because he responded in Feyre’s and Cassian’s head, At least my jokes don't have every female in all of Prythian running for the hills Cassian. Feyre laughed harder, Cassian chuckling as well.

“Well have fun you two, and be sure to be home at a respectable time, and PLEASE use a sound barrier, I do not want to have to explain what noises are being heard all over this cauldron-damned city to this little one.” He said in his most “mother hen” voice, and tickled a giggling Nyx in his arms. Feyre glared at him while he laughed, and Rhys must have said something in his head, for he laughed even harder.

“BYE CASSIAN” Feyre shouted, making a beeline to the door. She could still hear Cassian's laughter,

Once she was outside, she took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was a nice day, perfect for a walk in the park or a trip to the market squares. Perhaps she and Rhys could take a walk when he returned. She would love nothing more than to walk through Velaris hand in hand with her mate. She missed simple intimacies like that, little touches.

You look simply delectable in that dress, Feyre darling.

He had spoken into her mind. Could he see her? Where was he? She looked around but could not find him. Suddenly, there was a pressure underneath her knees, lifting her into the air. She yelped, surprised that he had picked her up.After the initial surprise, she spoke;

“You should have given me some warning, you prick.”

He chuckled, “Now what would be the fun in that Feyre Darling?”

She tried her best to look unaffected by the nickname, and replied “The fun would be that I wouldn't have to scream and not fall on my face for all of Velaris to see.”

He put on a face of mock hurt. “You really think I would drop you darling? I would never!”

She glared. “Based on what you did last time, I won't trust you for another 1000 years, 900 if your lucky.”

He laughed harder, burrowing his face in my neck, to try and silence it. Once he calmed he breathed in my neck, savouring her smell.

“If I could bottle your smell I would drink it every day.” He sighed, hugging Feyre tightly, as if she could disappear any moment. And to be honest based on how long they had been apart, they both felt as if they would disappear, but thank the cauldron they wouldn't.

Finally, after all this time, they were together. She smiled as she nuzzled closer to his chest. Through the bond, she could feel the pure happiness coursing through Rhys. Her grin widened as she felt the wind blazing past them.

She wondered where he might be taking her. They hadn’t discussed their plans beyond spending the day together. Wherever they were headed, though, Feyre knew she would love it. She would love it because he would be there with her. For the first time in a long while, she was home. An unyielding warmth welled up in her heart in the place of the ravenous longing she had been experiencing before. She was with Rhys now, and all was well, at least for the day.

She looked down and watched the vibrant landscape of Velaris fly by beneath them. She could easily fly herself, but she didn’t want to. At least for now, she wanted to be held by him. Judging by the way his arms were wrapped around her more tightly than usual, it was clear that he was enjoying it too. There was something about him holding her like that. It always gave her butterflies, no matter how long they had been together. Even with the centuries stretching out before them, she could be sure that that would never change. Not this, and not the way they felt for each other. She would always look at him as though he had hung the very stars that shone above Ramiel on the Night Court’s insignia, and he would always look to her and see his darling mate, his salvation.

They continued their flight. When he landed and sat her on her feet, she mourned the close contact. She took in their surroundings. They stood on a hill overlooking the city. From the vantage point, she could see it all. She saw the rainbow and the Sidra, twinking as it reflected the sun’s light. What she took the most note of, though, was the blanket laid out on the grass, a small basket sitting at its center.

A picnic.

Rhys had planned a picnic.

She didn’t realize it was possible to love him more than she already did.

He watched her intently, taking in the shift in her expression. He grinned widely. He loved seeing her like this, happy and content. For once, she looked her age. She looked like the 20 year-old girl she was, and without eyes that looked haunted or scared. Their duties could wait. Right now, as they stood on this hill, things were for once simple. The world was quiet, save for the slight breeze that occasionally brushed against their ears. They were happy. War and politics be damned.

“Happy, my love?”

She looked down to find that her hand was glowing. It seemed that her body was speaking for itself. Instead of answering, she took a few steps toward him, placing her shining palm on the side of his face, stroking his cheek. His violet eyes were alight with the spark of love. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. It wasn’t like things had been recently. It wasn’t the quick kiss of someone trying to make time between meetings or the kind of kiss she would give him as she passed him on the way to feed Nyx. The kiss they now shared was sweet, unhurried, as though they had all the time in the world to stand there and relish in what they were feeling.

After what felt like a millenia, he slowly pulled away from her, once again meeting her eyes.

“I’ve missed that,” he said.

“I’ve missed you,” Feyre replied, tears brimming in her eyes. But she was smiling, a broad, indestructible smile that made Rhys look at her in wonder

They stared at each other for a moment longer before Rhys motioned to the blanket.

“Let’s get more comfortable.”

They made their way over to the blanket and they sat next to one another. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. With his other arm, he reached for the basket, producing several sandwiches and a container of what she assumed was some sort of stew. He sat the food in front of them before he tilted his head and placed a soft kiss on her hair.

She knew she was likely still glowing. She didn’t need to look down to know. Rhys picked up one of the sandwiches and held it to her lips. She took a bite, savoring the taste. She quickly realized where she had tasted it before. It was one of the sandwiches from her favorite restaurant. She beamed. Her clever, loving mate had gone there and procured it for her, just to make her happy. She recalled a time when such a thing would have been an ordeal, a time when her former lover had refused to so much as let her leave the house. She wished more than anything that she could go back in time and tell that girl that this was waiting on the horizon, that such a love awaited her beyond all the turmoil.

He put a hand on her hair, lightly stroking it as he held up the sandwich once again for her. She took another bite, turning slightly.

“I can feed myself, you know,” she laughed.

“What kind of male would I be if I didn’t care for my lovely hardworking mate?”

She reached over, grabbing a sandwich and holding it up for him. They spent the rest of the picnic like that, feeding each other bits of food and staring into one another’s eyes. When they had finished their meal, Rhys put what remained back in the basket and pulled her closer, pushing her head down onto his lap as he continued to stroke her hair. They stayed like that for a while, him stroking her hair and occasionally leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. It had been going on for some time when he finally said, “I don’t know what I’ve done in this life to deserve this. To deserve you.”

She looked up at him. His eyes were tender.

“You do deserve this. You’ve done so much good in your life, Rhys. You deserve every bit of happiness.”

He smiled.

“You are my happiness,” he said, his voice shaky, pressing another kiss to her brow, “and I will spend the rest of this eternity showing you how much I treasure you, my love, my mate, my salvation.”

She looked into his eyes. She wanted to say something, but she was at a loss. No words in her vocabulary could accurately describe what she was feeling, the depth of her affection for the male in front of her. She hoped her face and the glow of her skin said enough. They seemed to, as a moment later he pulled her into a tight embrace.

“My Feyre,” he said, nuzzling her neck, “my light.”

“I love you,” she said. She had never meant anything more.

“I love you too,” he responded, pressing a kiss to her pulse point.

He continued trailing light kisses down the column of her throat, smiling into her neck as he heard her breath hitch slightly. He readjusted, laying her down on the blanket. Her face was flushed as he stared down at her. He knelt down on top of her, pressing a long kiss onto her collarbone.

“Now prepare yourself, darling,” he said, “I’m going to show you just how much I’ve missed you.”

She was not prepared.

Tag List:

@feysandandnyxsworld

@that-sociopathic-hufflepuff

@emikadreams

@highladysith

@cardansfae

@aelin-bitch-queen

tagging some ppl who wanted to be in my jealous rhysand fic just in case u wanna se thisss

@live-the-fangirl-life

@story-scribbler

[fymonsta-x]

[INTERVIEW] Monsta X’s I.M Unpacks His Solo Mini-Album “Duality”

“I have to keep on questioning myself. That’s the ideal world to me.”

“God damn it, I like it.” Those are the prophetic words that echo through the title track of Monsta X rapper I.M’s deeply personal mini-album solo debut, Duality. The phrasing conjures up boldness and self-assuredness, perhaps punctuated with a smirk.

It’s a trick. Or, at least, it’s a different, simultaneous reality.

The songs on Duality are profound and gripping, wholly due to the fact that I.M has laid himself bare. On stage he’s a ferocious, charismatic spark. Off it, he’s quieter, an ambivert with a disarming laugh and sharp sense of humor. Which is why it’s almost painful that the essence of “God Damn” is how sometimes you lie to yourself about being happy, even when you’re not.

It’s his favorite song off the album and one he says is most indicative of who he really is, or who “the me at that time [was],” he tells Teen Vogue from Seoul over a Zoom call. The time he’s referring to was a difficult one. “I was making my music and I was lying to myself, saying you’re fine. You’re good. God damnit, you like it. But inside …” He trails off. The inference here is that I.M was in a situation where he was afraid of losing himself. But there’s defiance in the face of bleakness. Consider that we expect idols to be pillars of perfection. No cracks are allowed to show. The reality, however, is that no matter who you are, and how monumental your celebrity is, there will be pain, sorrow, and doubt. Emotions have to be dealt with, sometimes by psyching yourself up to move forward, as he does on “God Damn.”

The 25-year-old, whose real name is Im Chang-kyun, is transforming that emotional process into his solo work, in the context of a wildly successful and immersive career with Monsta X. He’s a consummate artist and also the music industry’s version of a triple threat — a dexterous rapper, dancer, and more regularly now, vocalist (remember his cover of Dean’s “Instagram”?) He’s an adroit lyricist, whose writing credits span the breadth of Monsta X’s considerable discography, starting from their very first EP, Trespass which released in May 2015. As a producer, self-composed tunes like the straight-up jam “Mohae” from 2018’s album, Take.1 Are You There? come to mind. Or “Night View,” the lush electro-pop track from last year’s Fatal Love, which peaked at no. 13 on Billboard’s World Digital Song Sales charts. It’s almost daunting to say that, last year alone, Monsta X released two albums and one EP (a slew of awards at various year-end ceremonies in South Korea followed). All About Luv, which is essential listening, also has the distinction of being the first all English-language album created by a K-pop group, and it debuted at no. 5 on the ​Billboard 200 Chart.

Given Monsta X’s intensely busy schedule (add global brand ambassadors for the cosmetics brand Urban Decay to their duties), you can see how full I.M’s plate is. But, and this is indicative of an integral part of his personality, he thrives when he’s steeped in various aspects of music. Only an extremely intuitive artist could have created Duality; I.M wrote every song, as well as helped with composition and arrangement. “I didn’t plan to do everything,” he says. “All of it, whether the composing, or writing lyrics, came very naturally to me. Because I wanted to, and I still want to. As I’m still a part of the music industry, it’s just a very natural step. I’m just trying to do my own thing.”

Read full interview on teenvogue.com

[wintersouldier57]

The Picnic - Feysand

So @thebonecarver and I wrote this to celebrate hitting 100 followers a few days ago!! Thank you to everyone who has followed us! 😊

It had been a long few weeks for the high lord and lady of the night court. Between their regularly scheduled meetings and taking care of Nyx, things had been hard. They had scarcely found any time for themselves in the midst of it, hardly any to just be together, enjoying each other’s presence. When Feyre wasn’t at a meeting, Rhys was in the Illyrian mountains handling the armies with Cassian. When Rhys was home, Feyre was at the art studio. Their schedules never seemed to line up.

They often spoke mentally, providing each other as much comfort as they could in that capacity, but they soon found that even psychic communication had its limits when it came to comforting one another. Feyre missed the way his arms felt around her, the way he would whisper soothing words into her ear when things became too much to handle. She understood that they had their responsibilities to their court. They were high lord and lady, after all. Still, she was restless. She wanted nothing more than to feel his embrace, nothing more than to drown in a pool of the transcendent love he offered her.

There was a dull ache in her heart that she knew only he could alleviate. She longed for him. She had not known desperation so deep since her days before coming to Prythian. That desperation, that hunger, had burned, but never like this. It had seared from the inside out, but never straight from the heart. Not like this did. This killed slowly, she thought, deliberately. She felt as though she had been traipsing around Velaris with half a soul, never quite able to get comfortable anywhere she went.

She would see him today. For the first time in weeks, everything lined up. Cassian and Azriel had agreed to take Nyx off their hands for the day for what Cassian called “much-needed uncle time”. They would pick him up as soon as she returned home for the day.

She was a bit surprised that Cassian had not said anything, no teasing. She didn't say anything though, she did not want to give him any ideas. He probably does not want to lose any time with Nyx, she thought, and chuckled silently.

“What’s so funny my High Lady? Rhysie has some good jokes for once?” Rhysand must have heard that from wherever he was, because he responded in Feyre’s and Cassian’s head, At least my jokes don't have every female in all of Prythian running for the hills Cassian. Feyre laughed harder, Cassian chuckling as well.

“Well have fun you two, and be sure to be home at a respectable time, and PLEASE use a sound barrier, I do not want to have to explain what noises are being heard all over this cauldron-damned city to this little one.” He said in his most “mother hen” voice, and tickled a giggling Nyx in his arms. Feyre glared at him while he laughed, and Rhys must have said something in his head, for he laughed even harder.

“BYE CASSIAN” Feyre shouted, making a beeline to the door. She could still hear Cassian's laughter,

Once she was outside, she took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was a nice day, perfect for a walk in the park or a trip to the market squares. Perhaps she and Rhys could take a walk when he returned. She would love nothing more than to walk through Velaris hand in hand with her mate. She missed simple intimacies like that, little touches.

You look simply delectable in that dress, Feyre darling.

He had spoken into her mind. Could he see her? Where was he? She looked around but could not find him. Suddenly, there was a pressure underneath her knees, lifting her into the air. She yelped, surprised that he had picked her up.After the initial surprise, she spoke;

“You should have given me some warning, you prick.”

He chuckled, “Now what would be the fun in that Feyre Darling?”

She tried her best to look unaffected by the nickname, and replied “The fun would be that I wouldn't have to scream and not fall on my face for all of Velaris to see.”

He put on a face of mock hurt. “You really think I would drop you darling? I would never!”

She glared. “Based on what you did last time, I won't trust you for another 1000 years, 900 if your lucky.”

He laughed harder, burrowing his face in my neck, to try and silence it. Once he calmed he breathed in my neck, savouring her smell.

“If I could bottle your smell I would drink it every day.” He sighed, hugging Feyre tightly, as if she could disappear any moment. And to be honest based on how long they had been apart, they both felt as if they would disappear, but thank the cauldron they wouldn't.

Finally, after all this time, they were together. She smiled as she nuzzled closer to his chest. Through the bond, she could feel the pure happiness coursing through Rhys. Her grin widened as she felt the wind blazing past them.

She wondered where he might be taking her. They hadn’t discussed their plans beyond spending the day together. Wherever they were headed, though, Feyre knew she would love it. She would love it because he would be there with her. For the first time in a long while, she was home. An unyielding warmth welled up in her heart in the place of the ravenous longing she had been experiencing before. She was with Rhys now, and all was well, at least for the day.

She looked down and watched the vibrant landscape of Velaris fly by beneath them. She could easily fly herself, but she didn’t want to. At least for now, she wanted to be held by him. Judging by the way his arms were wrapped around her more tightly than usual, it was clear that he was enjoying it too. There was something about him holding her like that. It always gave her butterflies, no matter how long they had been together. Even with the centuries stretching out before them, she could be sure that that would never change. Not this, and not the way they felt for each other. She would always look at him as though he had hung the very stars that shone above Ramiel on the Night Court’s insignia, and he would always look to her and see his darling mate, his salvation.

They continued their flight. When he landed and sat her on her feet, she mourned the close contact. She took in their surroundings. They stood on a hill overlooking the city. From the vantage point, she could see it all. She saw the rainbow and the Sidra, twinking as it reflected the sun’s light. What she took the most note of, though, was the blanket laid out on the grass, a small basket sitting at its center.

A picnic.

Rhys had planned a picnic.

She didn’t realize it was possible to love him more than she already did.

He watched her intently, taking in the shift in her expression. He grinned widely. He loved seeing her like this, happy and content. For once, she looked her age. She looked like the 20 year-old girl she was, and without eyes that looked haunted or scared. Their duties could wait. Right now, as they stood on this hill, things were for once simple. The world was quiet, save for the slight breeze that occasionally brushed against their ears. They were happy. War and politics be damned.

“Happy, my love?”

She looked down to find that her hand was glowing. It seemed that her body was speaking for itself. Instead of answering, she took a few steps toward him, placing her shining palm on the side of his face, stroking his cheek. His violet eyes were alight with the spark of love. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. It wasn’t like things had been recently. It wasn’t the quick kiss of someone trying to make time between meetings or the kind of kiss she would give him as she passed him on the way to feed Nyx. The kiss they now shared was sweet, unhurried, as though they had all the time in the world to stand there and relish in what they were feeling.

After what felt like a millenia, he slowly pulled away from her, once again meeting her eyes.

“I’ve missed that,” he said.

“I’ve missed you,” Feyre replied, tears brimming in her eyes. But she was smiling, a broad, indestructible smile that made Rhys look at her in wonder

They stared at each other for a moment longer before Rhys motioned to the blanket.

“Let’s get more comfortable.”

They made their way over to the blanket and they sat next to one another. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. With his other arm, he reached for the basket, producing several sandwiches and a container of what she assumed was some sort of stew. He sat the food in front of them before he tilted his head and placed a soft kiss on her hair.

She knew she was likely still glowing. She didn’t need to look down to know. Rhys picked up one of the sandwiches and held it to her lips. She took a bite, savoring the taste. She quickly realized where she had tasted it before. It was one of the sandwiches from her favorite restaurant. She beamed. Her clever, loving mate had gone there and procured it for her, just to make her happy. She recalled a time when such a thing would have been an ordeal, a time when her former lover had refused to so much as let her leave the house. She wished more than anything that she could go back in time and tell that girl that this was waiting on the horizon, that such a love awaited her beyond all the turmoil.

He put a hand on her hair, lightly stroking it as he held up the sandwich once again for her. She took another bite, turning slightly.

“I can feed myself, you know,” she laughed.

“What kind of male would I be if I didn’t care for my lovely hardworking mate?”

She reached over, grabbing a sandwich and holding it up for him. They spent the rest of the picnic like that, feeding each other bits of food and staring into one another’s eyes. When they had finished their meal, Rhys put what remained back in the basket and pulled her closer, pushing her head down onto his lap as he continued to stroke her hair. They stayed like that for a while, him stroking her hair and occasionally leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. It had been going on for some time when he finally said, “I don’t know what I’ve done in this life to deserve this. To deserve you.”

She looked up at him. His eyes were tender.

“You do deserve this. You’ve done so much good in your life, Rhys. You deserve every bit of happiness.”

He smiled.

“You are my happiness,” he said, his voice shaky, pressing another kiss to her brow, “and I will spend the rest of this eternity showing you how much I treasure you, my love, my mate, my salvation.”

She looked into his eyes. She wanted to say something, but she was at a loss. No words in her vocabulary could accurately describe what she was feeling, the depth of her affection for the male in front of her. She hoped her face and the glow of her skin said enough. They seemed to, as a moment later he pulled her into a tight embrace.

“My Feyre,” he said, nuzzling her neck, “my light.”

“I love you,” she said. She had never meant anything more.

“I love you too,” he responded, pressing a kiss to her pulse point.

He continued trailing light kisses down the column of her throat, smiling into her neck as he heard her breath hitch slightly. He readjusted, laying her down on the blanket. Her face was flushed as he stared down at her. He knelt down on top of her, pressing a long kiss onto her collarbone.

“Now prepare yourself, darling,” he said, “I’m going to show you just how much I’ve missed you.”

She was not prepared.

[berrynarrybanana]

stars in our eyes | h.s

A/N: Hiya everyone! This is my entry for @helladirections​ Summer Fic Challenge! I picked Baseball Harry and Stargazing and originally I had a different idea ( I might bring that idea back in another part) but this was a good way to start of the story between these two. I adore them and I know this isn’t a whole lot, but I hope you all enjoy! Thank you to Elysa for hosting this amazing challenge. I really enjoyed taking part in it and I can’t wait to read all of the other works posted by my fellow writers! Here is a link to the masterlist for anyone who wants to take a look at the other pieces posted for the Summer Fic Challenge. 

Word Count 3.3k+

Warnings: None yet!

September 2015  Monday; 6:00 PM 

Your first day of University wasn’t at all what you expected. 

It felt just like your first day of high school with a few extra challenges sprinkled in, such as time management and struggling to find out what buildings you were meant to be in for class. The only person you had become friends with was your roommate, and she was just as awkward about meeting new people as you were. You both sat alone in the dining hall during breakfast before awkwardly waving to each other and parting ways. 

She was studying Biochemistry, and you were studying Journalism with a Minor in Broadcasting, which meant you had no classes together. It was a little scarier during the first hour, you’ll admit, but after sitting through a two-hour orientation from your intro to a creative writing class, you were just over it. At the end of your first day, you found yourself in the last place you ever expected to be on campus. 

The baseball field. 

Your Father was tucked away in the complex under the stadium, planning out his first practice that was scheduled for tomorrow. When you showed up with slumped shoulders and tired eyes, he merely handed you a bucket of baseballs and a bat before sending you out on the field. There was already a tee set up, and you suspected that your Father had spent quite a bit of time out here earlier to relive some of his stress. This was his first year coaching at UCLA, and he was extremely nervous about the number of eyes watching him this year. He wasn’t coaching high school ball anymore. College baseball was on a much bigger scale, which meant he had more to lose. 

You tried not to think about it as you set the ball on the tee, digging your beat-up sneakers into the sand before taking a deep breath. Baseball was in your blood. You spent more time on the field than you did in school as a kid, and you weren’t afraid of anything when you were holding a bat in your hand. Without hesitation, you twisted your body, driving strength into your hit with your hips and your shoulders. The cracking sound of the ball meeting the bat was soothing to your already frayed nerves. The only thing that was truly missing was the cheering crowd. 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” 

A low whistle caused you to snap your head around, your eyes landing on a too-tall man wearing a UCLA hoodie and a baseball cap. Resting the tip of your bat to the ground, you narrowed your eyes. He shuffled forward, clearing his throat as an amused grin pulled at the corner of his lips. 

“I’m not afraid to use this thing on more than baseballs if you catch my drift.” You shifted back a little as he held his hands up. “Who are you?” 

“M’name is Harry.” He said. “Coach Willis sent me out here. He said there was someone else blowing off steam out on the field and could probably use a real pitcher.” 

“I’m fine.” You glanced towards the ground. “But if you’re here to blow off steam too, then I don’t mind.” 

“Okay.” He nodded. “I didn’t catch your name, by the way.” 

“I didn’t throw it.” You bent down, picking up the bucket of balls before shoving it at him. “I don’t want to talk.” 

“Alright, no talking.” He nodded, taking the bucket. “Show me what you’ve got.”

Monday; 9:00 PM 

By the time your father emerged from his office, you were dripping with sweat. 

Harry was the same, his hoodie long discarded, and his hat flipped around as he tossed another ball in your direction. The cracking sound of your bat hitting the ball was drowned out by your Father clapping behind you. Harry narrowly missed the catch, his body tumbling to the ground with his glove tucked into his chest as you smiled widely at your father. 

“I hate to admit it, but this kid is good.” Your father held out a water bottle, and you gladly accepted, twisting the cap off before taking a hearty sip. “Where did you find him?” 

“Community college out in Carolina.” He said. “Parents just moved from England, and he was getting into some trouble. They tossed him in a few leagues, and I scouted him and offered a full ride.” 

“I can see why.” You looked over at Harry, who was jogging over to the both of you. “Great pitching you did out there.” 

“Thanks.” He flashed you a grin before taking the second bottle your father offered. “Hey, coach.” 

“As much as I would love to watch this go on, I have to lock up.” Your father glanced over at you, his eyes playfully narrowed. “And you need your rest, young lady. You have early classes in the morning, and I don’t want the other teachers talking shit in the staff lounge.” 

“Yes, sir.” You chuckled, shaking your head. “Thanks for letting me come out here. I love you, dad.” 

“Love you too, bug!” 

He pressed a kiss to your cheek before you handed him the bat. You grabbed your bag from the dugout, slinging it over your shoulders as your Father and Harry continued to talk. As you were making your way past the locker room, you heard your name being called from behind you. When you turned around, you didn’t expect to see Harry chasing after you with a wide grin. 

“Hey, coach asked if I could walk you home.” He huffed out. “I promised I would return you to your dorm safely.” 

“I can walk by myself; you don’t have to babysit.” You mumbled, continuing until you reached the door of the stadium. Harry was right behind you when you glanced over your shoulder. “I’m sure you have better things to do than babysit the coach's daughter.” 

“I don’t, actually.” He let out a breathy laugh. “I’ve finished all of my schoolwork, and I don’t know anyone, so I’m free.” 

After a few moments of awkward silence, you finally spoke up.

“What are you studying?” 

“Um, Music.” When you turned to look at him, he had ducked his head down. “Minoring in Early Childhood psychology, though.” 

“Plan on being a music teacher?” Your brows arched on their own, your surprise clear as the night sky as you walked side by side

“Kind of.” He laughed softly. “If this whole baseball thing doesn’t pan out, at least.” 

“I think it will.” You said softly. “I’ve been watching my Dad coach since I was in diapers. You’re the best player I’ve seen.” 

“Thanks.” He said. “I appreciate that.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

The rest of your walk was filled with small talk. 

You learned that he was from Northern England and that his parents moved to the States two years ago. He had never played baseball a day in his life, more into music and tattoos than anything else. But he ran with a pretty bad crowd, and his Mum was extremely upset when he landed himself in jail for a night with underage drinking. After that, things changed for him. He promised his Mother that he would find something more productive to do with his life and that he would make her proud. Once he realized how big sports were in America, he decided to try his hand at baseball. He happened to be really good at the sport and his high school coach encouraged him to take it on full time. When Harry learned he could get a free ride to college, he dedicated his life to perfecting his craft.

“Sorry for talking so much.” He was extremely bashful, his cheeks still tinged with pink as you turned to look at him. “I don’t talk a lot, but I do tend to get carried away when I start.” 

“It happens to the best of us.” With a shrug of your shoulders, you offered him a reassuring smile as you patted his bicep. “I think you’re gonna kick ass, and I know that you’ll do well with my Dad. He’s an amazing coach.” 

“He truly is.” Harry nodded. “If you ever need to blow off steam again…” 

“Yeah,” You nodded at his unspoken offer. “Same goes for you.” 

“Thanks.” He smiled. “Um, have a goodnight, Y/N.” 

“You too, Harry.” 

October 31 11:00 PM

After that first night, you and Harry began blowing off steam together regularly. 

On most weeknights, you were out at the field with him. Your dad would hand you the keys, instructing you to lock up when you were finished. From there, Harry would pitch until his arm was tired, and you were so exhausted you could barely swing. Most of the time, he eased up on his throws. You could tell he was holding back just so you would get the chance to hit each ball clear across the field. You could tell when he really gave it his all, his whole body going into the throw as he grits his teeth. Those were a little harder for you to hit, but not impossible. You didn’t talk a lot during your time together, but on your walk home, you would indulge in friendly conversation. He would ask about classes, and you would ask about his life in a frat house. When you finally made it to your dorm, you would take at least twenty minutes to say goodbye to each other. 

And when you weren’t with Harry, you were thinking about him. Your mind was stuck on the way he laughed and the confidence he exuded when he was on the pitcher’s mound. You thought about his hands and his smile. The scent of his cologne and sweat was almost like an aphrodisiac and his laughter sounded like a song. You hated how hung up you were when it came to Harry. There was no chance that you would actually get to be with Harry like that. Not only were you scared of upsetting your father, but you were also scared of ruining your new friendship. 

But now you’re standing in Harry’s living room while his Frat brothers try to score with girls that are way out of their league. Your roommate had burst out of her shell a little, and she’d made a few friends. Her new friends were the reason you were standing with a solo cup full of vodka in your hand and a crappy costume that you’d tossed together in twenty minutes after your roommate begged you to come out. There were about twenty other girls dressed as angels, their outfits far cuter than yours, and their makeup flawless. You were still rocking the makeup you’d put on at six am, half asleep on your bed in the dark. As you pressed the rim of your cup to your lips, you heard your name being shouted somewhere from across the room. 

When you looked up, you didn’t expect to see Harry waving at you. 

“What on earth are you dressed as?” You looked over the sparkling L.A Dodgers uniform Harry was wearing, a plastic cup in his hand and a huge grin on his face. 

“I’m Elton John!” He cheered. “But also, I’m manifesting my dream to be a Dodger!” 

“Clever.” You pressed your lips together, rolling them over your teeth as you tried not to let your drunken giggle slip out. He noticed your face, his own falling as he stood up straight. 

“You don’t like it?” His voice slurred around the words, and your heart dropped. 

“I love it.” You said quickly. “I think you look really handsome, actually.” 

“Yeah?” He let out a breathless laugh. “Thank you, lovie.” 

“Of course.” You gave him a soft smile. 

“And you’re...an angel?” His eyes slipped over your costume in a way that didn’t make your skin crawl. “You did a really good job with your outfit.” 

“I didn’t know we were coming to this thing tonight. I just threw this together.” You waved your hand about, looking down at your white dress. “I’m not as….my costume isn’t as scandalous or fun, but it does the job.” 

“I think you look beautiful, lovie.” He cooed, shuffling forward as a group of guys rushed past him. When you pressed your hands to his arms, steadying him out of habit, he gave you that smirk. “I think you’re an angel already. Could’ve come dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and it would be just as perfect.” 

“Harry.” With a soft giggle, you ducked your head down. “You’re drunk.” 

“Still think you’re beautiful when I’m sober.” He hummed out, reaching up to press his thumb to your chin. He gently guided your face up, his face serious as he spoke. “I mean it, fuck do I mean it, Y/N. I swear I struggle every single day, trying to keep you off my mind. But it’s so fucking hard when you’re this beautiful.”

You didn’t say anything as he brushed the pad of his thumb over your chin, his glossy green eyes staring into yours. If you were completely honest with yourself, you felt the same way about him. Even when you were completely preoccupied with your schoolwork, you were thinking about Harry. The way he smiled, the way he walked, how he pitched with that look in his eyes, it was impossible not to think about the man that had wormed his way into your life. 

“I think about you, too.” You whispered. “All the time.” 

“Yeah?” The corners of his lips twitched, a soft smile forming. “Can we...I wanna go somewhere with you.” 

“Anywhere you want.” You whispered. “I’ll follow.” 

“Finish your drink.” He smirked. 

                                         **************

You didn’t expect to be in the outfield with Harry. 

When you realized what direction he was pulling you in, you groaned a little. Harry’s response was lacing your fingers together before pulling you into his side. He slipped an arm around your shoulder, turning his head to press a sloppy kiss to your forehead before he promised that you would enjoy his surprise. When you walked into the actual stadium, and past the infield, it was pitch black. Your father must have turned the lights off when he left for the night. 

“Look!” You pointed towards the grassy field, gasping. “Lightning bugs!” 

Harry let you go, watching as you ran into the field with your hands extended out. His heart was beating so hard in his chest as he watched you move freely, practically dancing in the grass as you tried to catch one. When you finally did, you turned towards Harry with a smile that rivaled the moon’s brightness shining down over both of you. He moved forward, peeking into your hand as you carefully opened it. The soft yellow glow had nothing on your giggles. 

“Dad calls me bug a lot because I used to love catching them when I was a kid.” You whispered, opening your hand up so that the bug could go free. “They’re so stunning.” 

“Lightning bug.” He let out a breathy laugh. “You remind me of one now that I’m thinking about it.” 

“How so?” You ask, turning towards him. 

Harry grabbed both of your hands, pulling you into his chest with a grin. 

“You’re so fucking bright.” He said. “You literally glow, and I don’t even think you notice it. Even when we first met and you were pissed off or upset about whatever, you were glowing.” 

“That’s called sweat, Harry.” You grimaced, rolling your eyes at his affection. “Do you really mean it?” 

“I really do.” 

Harry pressed his forehead into yours as his hands slipped from yours. He dropped them to your waist, digging his fingers into your sides as you basked in the moment. Your lips started to tingle with the need to kiss him, almost overwhelming your senses. You let your hands slip over his biceps as you push yourself back, clearing your throat, as if to bring you back down from the cloud he had you stuck on. 

“I really want to kiss you right now.” You whispered. “But I know that I shouldn’t. 

“Why shouldn’t you?” His brows pulled together as you took a step back. 

“Because you’re the star of my father’s team, and I can’t get in the way of that.” You felt your lips falling into a frown. “I can’t do that to him, and I can’t do that to you.” 

“Are you saying you expect us to fail?” His brows shot up. “Before you even give us a try?” 

“I don’t want to be the thing that stands in the way of you and your dream.” You confess. “What if things did go wrong between us? We hardly know each other, Harry! You can’t be certain-”

“I know enough about you, Y/N.” He let out a confused laugh. “But, the fun thing about relationships is the learning part! It’s okay that we don’t know everything about one another.” 

“You’re not scared at all?” You asked. “What if we break up and it’s one of those really bad breakups? I wouldn’t be able to go to games anymore to support my father, and he’s going to ask why.” 

“I refuse to let it end poorly.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if you’ve realized, but I’m pretty determined about getting what I want, and I want a chance to love you, Y/N.” 

Love.

That warm, ooey-gooey feeling that would slowly take over your entire life. 

Love. 

In a few moments, you could see it all flash before your eyes. 

Your first date with Harry. 

Your first time. 

Your first fight. 

Your first, I love you. 

Seconds later, you were launching into his arms. 

When your lips pressed against his, it was messy. You put too much force behind your kiss, and you nearly knocked him onto his back as he wrapped his arms around you. When you pulled away, it was only for a second. You pressed your lips back into his with more purpose, a gentle kiss slowly sending that warm feeling up your spine. You didn’t care about the consequences or the rules at this moment. All you could think about was how great it felt to go after the one thing you really wanted. 

Harry. 

“Easy there, lovie.” He pulled back, pressing a breathless kiss to your nose. “We’ve got plenty of time, I promise.” 

“You can’t promise that.” You dropped your head down to the crook of his neck. “But I’ll take it for now.” 

Harry chuckled, softly squeezing you in his arms before he pulled back. 

“Lay with me?” He asked. “I wanted to show you the stars when I pulled you out here.” 

“Oh.” Your cheeks grew warm. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “It was worth it.” 

After you rolled your eyes, Harry plopped his but down on the grass. 

Seconds later, he helped you down with his hands on your waist. You lay down next to each other, your fingers laced together as you looked up at the night sky. The silence that washed over you was almost therapeutic. You were mesmerized, amazed that you could actually see the stars clearly, no smog blocking your view of the bright lights. 

“Is that the little dipper?” You lifted your hand up, pointing at the constellation. 

“Yeah,” Harry said softly. “That one over there is the big dipper.” 

“Wow.” You whispered. “It’s breathtaking.” 

“When I’m done walking you home, I always come back.” He said softly. “I lay out here for hours, mostly thinking about you, and my family, and this wonderful opportunity I’ve been gifted.” 

“You think about me when you’re thinking about all of those things?” You turned your head towards him. “That makes me sound like I’m special.” 

“You are.” He said. “You were the first person I met here, besides your Father, and...I don’t know. Something about you just makes me feel so happy and so full. I don’t feel so homesick when you’re around.” 

“I know the feeling.” You smiled softly at him. 

You moved your body closer to his, resting your head against his shoulder. 

You had a feeling that this was the start of something great.

[percywinchester27]

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-3)

Word count: 3.8K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: Some angst, some fluff, mention of depression

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23​​ I love you, Athina <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

Monday morning rose brighter than it had a right to be; to the point that the sun was stabbing you in the eyes. You had been over and over the plan in your head throughout the weekend. By now, you were absolutely sure that you had mapped every second of the day and nothing could go out of hand.

The plan went sideways almost as soon as it started.

You dropped your bag at the threshold of the lecture room with a loud crash. All of the last row turned to look at who was that much of a klutz. You did not meet anyone’s eye as you took a seat at the very end of the top row. Maybe that would make you inconspicuous.

It did not.

“Y/N!”

Madison slid next to you on the bench, followed by her brood of friends. Lacey and the other two, whose names you didn’t remember.

“How are you, Sweetie?” Madison asked sympathetically. “You looked awfully ill when you left the other day. We were so worried about you! Weren’t we, Mer?”

Meredith- you remembered her name now- did not look worried in the least.

“What happened?” Madison asked.

“I was just really faint,” you answered automatically, having anticipated this. “I’m feeling much better now. Thank you so much.”

Madison looked relieved. “I’m so glad, Y/N. I wanted to check on you over the weekend, but I didn’t have your number or knew where you lived. You have to give me your number right away.”

You did, and she texted you immediately.

“Awesome!” she said. “Now you have my number, too.”

You tried to smile. “Hey, if it’s not too much, could you tell me what I missed in the two days?”

Madison became animated instantly. “Well, lets see. After you left, there was advanced legal writing by professor Mills, then Supreme Court Litigation by Professor Mcleod and Organisation and transactions law after that. Most of Friday was free except for another lecture by Professor Mills. I have the notes. Once you put your email id on the class database, I’ll forward mine to you.”

“That’s seriously more than I can ask from you,” you said, feeling small. 

She placed her hand on top of yours. “You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

“Thank you!” You said, looking down.

Madison huffed. “You thank me too much, Y/N! Besides, you really didn’t miss any of the fun.”

“What do you mean?”

“Professor Winchester didn’t show up either,” Lacey giggled. “Didn’t we turn up fifteen minutes early for his class on Thursday? And the man never came.”

Your stomach lurched, a feeling you hadn’t quite experienced in years had you feeling lightheaded. 

“Well, he didn’t completely disappear,” said the blonde. “He did turn up for the last half an hour of his lecture on Friday and outlined the syllabus of the semester.”

“He looked stiff and serious. Nothing like his first day here. And even that day he stormed off, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” Madison nodded. “Right after you left, Y/N. It was a bit weird.”

You swallowed nervously, your forehead already clammed up. What was it? Was it fear or worry that you felt for Sam? You had been so wrapped up in your chaos that you hadn’t stopped to consider about Sam, assuming that he must have grown passive and wouldn’t care about the past anymore.

Sam had looked warm and at ease with himself that day, happy even, while you had only survived all these years. You’d be lying to yourself, if you said that the image of Sam on the podium, smiling at the students hadn’t felt like a knife in your gut.

But if he had not turned up for classes either… did that mean….

There was noise at the front and you saw Sam on the podium. He looked every bit as dressed up and neat as he had on your first day, if not a bit more severe. 

He greeted the class curtly, and instantly jumped to the lesson. You tried not to stare, but it was hard to look away. It was harder still to keep looking. His features seemed more angular now, and he was definitely leaner than when you had first set your eyes on him. Today he was dressed in a dark grey suit and no tie, the button at his throat was undone.

He spoke for an hour about the merger of disputes and cases where it had benefited the original plaintiffs and not once did his eyes stray towards the corner of the class where you sat. It was as if he was deliberately avoiding that very portion of the classroom. He wasn’t genial today. A good teacher, just like he always had been, but absolutely formal. When the class ended, he retrieved the attendance sheet from a kid in the first row and exited the class.

“Well, that was quite intense,” whooshed Meredith. “Hadn’t pegged him for the serious sort.”

Blonde hair giggled at the double entendre, and you almost gagged. 

“He’s actually quite good,” Madison murmured, uncharacteristically serious. “He knows what he is talking about.”

Absentmindedly, you nodded. Not that you had paid much attention to the lecture, what with your heart struck in your throat.

The classes that followed weren’t as eventful as the morning and you were more than grateful about it. The other professors all seemed so knowledgeable and expert. You had enough on your mind by the time you left the university, your plate already full of assignments.

When you got home, Meg was sprawled on one of the two sofas that came with the house and were perched in the living room.

“Hey,” you said tentatively.

Meg raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised that you were initiating a conversation after a whole week of thoroughly avoiding her. 

“Hey,” she said. 

You placed your bad and laptop on the side table at the entrance and went to sit on the empty sofa. “I’m sorry about not greeting you earlier… I was going through some stuff.”

“Clearly,” she snorted.

The hurt must have shown in your eyes, because she straightened up into a sitting position.. “I’m not offended,” she said. “Locking myself in my room and avoiding human contact like it’s the fucking plague is my monthly PMS schedule. I’m not mad or anything.”

“Oh, alright,” you breathed out.

Meg looked amused. “Your face is like an open book,” she said. “If you keep that up, you’re going to be a terrible lawyer.”

You didn’t fight her on it. It was a problem… it always had been. Over the years mostly it had been a blank and your boss had commented on your excellent poker face… but clearly even the dumb expressive face was back with all the feelings.

“I don’t know what you’re studying,” you changed the topic.

“MS, Applied physics.”

“Damn. That sounds hard.”

Meg chuckled. “You really think that, don’t you? You look terrified.”

You rearranged your expression into what was just polite interest. Enough with Meg’s expert face reading class.

“You wanna grab dinner?” Meg asked.

“Sure,” you said. “What’re we doing?”

“I made some stir fry. I didn’t know if you’d be up for dinner, though.”

You felt terrible about skipping the meals and in turn her company over the past week. 

“No worries,” she said, getting up. “I’ll just toss some pasta and we’re good to go.”

“Hey, Meg?” You asked, “I see you’ve stocked up the pantry. It’s incredibly kind of you. I might drive to the supermarket tomorrow after classes, why don’t you let me know if there’s anything you want.”

She looked at you with some surprise and a hint of actual liking. “Sure. We can make a list over food.”

“Great,” you smiled.

The rest of the week passed without any more surprises, and you took your time to settle in… getting to know Stanford- both, the University and the town. You attended all lectures regularly and gave your hundred percent effort to every assignment.

In classes, you listened with utmost concentration… all except one. Civil Procedure wasn’t a lecture, it was slow seething torture. Watching Sam talk on the podium, interacting with students simply made it hard to breathe. The walls of the lecture room converged in on you while you gasped for air. On Sam’s part, he ignored you completely. It was as if you didn’t exist at all. Over the course of the week, his stiff, formal stance loosened and you could see more and more of the guy who had introduced himself on the first day. You didn’t know what you had been expecting from him? That one day he would suddenly look at you with hatred and throw you out of the class? That he’d lose his mind and yell at you? Ask you the questions that you didn’t want to answer?

But even for all that, he’d have to acknowledge your presence. Look at you. Somehow the ignoring and pretending that you didn’t exist was so, so much worse. It was killing you. Every second of the class, you fought your tears. However, you did not miss a single class. 

Apart from those two hours everyday, you were doing well, all things considered. On Thursday, you packed more food than just your lunch, and after classes, walked to the Green Library. It was just as breathtaking as it had been on the first day. You set out to find that one table that felt right. After a quarter of an hour of testing and teasing, you finally found a desk that looked oh so inviting. It wasn’t the one below the tall, arching windows, but rather a small desk niched between the bookshelves. It was perfect.

You unloaded your bag, and set to work with the assignments that had been set for the class by Professor Mills. You personally thought Jody Mills was a total badass. She took up cases that others were too scared to touch. Her assignments didn’t require you to reference too many books, so you could make yourself comfortable in the chair. Your mind wandered as the time passed. There were a lot of things to be thought through. For starters, if you had to afford living here, you needed a job. Your savings would last a couple of months at most.  The expense of moving across the country then having to pay for the lease of the apartment had taken a massive toll on your bank account. By the time holiday season began, you’d be as broke as the china in your grandma’s old cabinet.

Earlier, you had put in an application at the Student’s employment centre for oncampus jobs. You weren’t hopeful, given the number of applications they received, but you sure meant to check in on them next week in hopes that something suitable might have come up.

It was past 8 in the evening when you finally wrapped your stuff up, somewhat satisfied with how your assignment had turned out. You lowkey congratulated yourself on finishing it a week before the deadline as you made your way back home, crashing the minute you found your bed.

********************

18th July 2008

“Y/N! There’s someone here to see you!” Jo hollered from somewhere in the living room.

Thankfully the door to the room you were sharing with Jo was open.

“Coming!” You yelled back, wondering who could it possibly be. Maybe it was the postman with your grandma’s letter. She was a weird old lady who still loved writing handwritten letters. Gramps had been to the war and their love story had blossomed over letters sent across borders. Even though gramps had passed away many years ago, she still got that rosy look on her face whenever she talked of him. You wanted a love story like hers. Was it too much to ask for?

You made your way down the steps two at a time, excited for the letter. Maybe she had sent cookies along with it. Oh, how you loved her.

On the bottom step, you stopped. Sam Winchester was standing in the hallway, one hand balancing a lot of books, the other scratching the back of his neck, looking adorable in old jeans and an open button up over his t-shirt.

“Hey!” He said.

You were wearing a loose shirt without a bra over a pair of boy shorts, with hair falling over your shoulders. Needless to say, you were mortified. 

“Give me two minutes,” you muttered and rushed back upstairs. 

As you were pulling on a pair of leggings, it occurred to you how dumb the interaction had been. He was here to see you and neither had you invited him in nor asked him why he was here.

To add to your embarrassment, when you returned downstairs, he was still standing at the bottom of the stairs five minutes later, exactly where you had left him.

“Why’re you still standing here? Please come in!” You urged, scandalised that you had kept a guest waiting like that. Gran would have tutted so hard had she been here.

Sam followed you into the living room. Jo was lounging on the smaller sofa chain and you glared at her. She could have easily invited him in when she opened the door.

But no! How else would Y/N suffer in life?

Jo gave you the evil grin and waved to Sam. 

“Would you like something to drink?” You asked, not meeting his eyes.

“I’ll have coffee!” Jo ordered and you threw her the stink eye again. 

You gave Sam a chagrined look. “I’ll put the pot on the stove for her anyway. Do you want coffee?”

He looked like he was trying very hard to smile. “Black please. With half a spoon of sugar.”

You tried to calm your nerves as the pot boiled. Being a nervous wreck wasn’t going to help your case.

When you brought the two mugs of coffee outside, Sam was reading one of the books he had bought along and Jo was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Jo?” You asked, carefully placing the steaming mug before him on the table.

Sam shrugged. “She said she suddenly felt sleepy. And that you should drink her coffee because you both like it the same way.”

Oh, that sly girl.

“So, what brings you here?” You asked, taking a seat next to him on the sofa.

Sam smiled shyly. “You said you could use a second pair of eyes for the application.”

He had come all the way from wherever he stayed just to help you with the applications? 

“Really?” 

“Sure.” He tilted his head, the bangs on his forehead sliding to one side. He just had such beautiful hazel eyes. You have to avert your gaze so you wouldn’t just blatantly stare at him.

You excused yourself a second time and pulled out all your application stuff. Forms, copies of essays, documents and everything. It would be absolutely stupid to not make the most of this opportunity. 

Sam took his time with all of it, going through each paper carefully and you counted your breaths to keep away the anxiety. At least he wasn’t laughing at how ridiculous your applications were. That was something. When he was done, he slowly put the papers down and looked up at you.

“Where else have you applied?” He asked.

You told him.

“You didn’t think of applying to any major universities?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t think I had a chance… and I don’t even think I was cut out for those.”

Sam reached out to place his hand on top of yours. A tingling sensation went up your spine. “Y/N! This looks great. Your essays are top notch. You should apply to Ivy Leagues.”

“I’ve already missed deadlines for them… and there are some good universities on my list as well.”

“But you deserve better!” He insisted.

You shrugged. “I don’t have that sort of money, and before you say scholarships, I don’t have those types of recommendations either. I come from a small town. People who are born there, spend their whole lives in the same house. They are happy with what they have.”

“Are you happy with what you have?” He asked, the light from the setting sun hitting his face, illuminating those eyes so they looked like burning topaz.

“I’m happy,” you said, looking at your lap where his hand rested on yours. He seemed to have forgotten about it. “But I know I can do better… for myself and my Gran.”

You made the mistake of looking up then… into his eyes, and they were closer than you had expected them to be. As if, he had no control over it, his hand reached out to touch your hair, the fingertips caressing your cheek on their way there. Slowly, but surely, he drew your face towards his… and you went, willingly. His lips had barely grazed yours when there was a loud noise in the hallway.

You sprang apart. 

“Y/N!” It was Jo.

Ordinarily, you’d have flicked your tongue at her or something for interrupting like that. Afterall, she was the one who kept egging on you to get lucky, and the one time you had… that too with Sam frigging Winchester, she had to come barging into the room. Uhgg… Jo was going to get it.

But her face was completely white, and her hand, which was holding the phone, was shaking.

“Y/N,” she whispered again. Your neighbour called. It's your grandma… she passed away last night. 

********************

You woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of the blaring alarm.

Gran!

The worry felt so fresh, you had to remind yourself that it had been seven years since she had passed away. Grief was peculiar like that… even after years and years of feeling it, some days it just felt fresh and new. Sad memories opened up the box of more memories, not all of them sad. The thought of gran was always accompanied by a warm feeling and memory of sunlit kitchen, and freshly baked bread.

This… dream or whatever it was had triggered more than just that… you could almost feel the whisper of Sam’s lips on yours. You had suppressed it so long that the feeling was almost forgotten now and how it ached knowing that you would never feel it again. The raw, desperate part of you tried to cling on to that feeling, the memory of his touch. It was three in the night, no one could blame you for wanting this comfort of your own memories. As painful as they were when you were completely in your senses, in this darkness, they were all yours to do what you pleased with them. However, like a dream, the memories kept evading your grasp. The more you tried to hold on it, the further away it slipped. Sleep eluded you completely after that.

Needless to say, you were tired and sleepy and irritated by the time the last lecture for the week commenced. You hadn’t memorised the lecture schedule yet…. you only knew when the Civil Procedure class was. First lecture on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and the last lecture of Thursday and Friday. Lacey had mentioned something about Sam having to travel to the City for work on the first three days. 

Sam was dressed more informally today. He was without a coat and glasses, hair just a little out of order… less sleek.

“Oooohhh looks like the professor had a rough night!” Lacey giggled.

“You don’t know that,” Madison shushed. “Maybe he’s single.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Lacey rolled her eyes. “He lives in the faculty residence on Alverado row. And his house is definitely a family house, not a bachelors pad… So that means he at least has a woman.”

You caught your breath. Alverado row was right behind your Santa Ynes street, where you lived. Literally right behind, less than a block away. You knew a majority senior faculty staff resided there, but it had never crossed your mind...

“I don’t see no ring,” snarked Rebecca, Madison's blonde friend, who was sitting a row ahead of you to the left.

You quickly looked. She was right… there was no ring. Your heart skipped a beat.

“Doesn’t have to be a wife,” Lacey made a face. “Could be just a girlfriend.”

“Whatever,” Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t mean we can’t try our luck.”

It stung, listening to them talk about it stung more than you wanted to admit even to yourself.

“Before we start today's lesson, I have a question for you,” Sam said, calling everyone’s attention and the gossip promptly stopped.

“Basic Property damage,” he said. “The plaintiff has proved beyond a shadow of doubt that the defendant is liable. The only issue of debate which remains is the amount of damages to be recovered. Before the last hearing, new evidence comes to light about a completely unrelated matter where the plaintiff has unintentionally harmed the defendant. If you were playing the part of the DA, what would be your obvious course of action.”

‘Settlement’ you muttered to yourself, just loud enough for the few people around you to hear.

“Anyone?” Sam asked, and on cue, Rebecca raised her hand.

“Settlement!” She called out.

“That’s correct,” Sam said, “It should occur to you faster than lightning to draw out a settlement. Good job there. That was quick.”

Next to her, Madison was looking at her friend incredulously. Then she turned around and gave you a sorry look. The boy sitting on her opposite side, the blond one, who had snickered at you on the first day also raised an eyebrow.

You didn’t care one way or another if Rebecca got the praise for your answer. You were simply relieved that you got that answer right… and that you were able to concentrate in the class better than you had been able to uptil now.

Perhaps that was the reason that it caught your attention, the quickest flick of Sam’s chin in your direction, before he stiffly averted his gaze. When the class ended, few students rushed to Sam’s desk, while you made to leave the room.

“Hey!”

You turned to see the blond dude standing right next to you.

“Y/N, isn’t it?” He asked.

You nodded.

“Brad,” he offered his hand. “Brad Rowan.”

“Nice to meet you.” you murmured, shaking his hand whilst glancing at the door. 

“So, we have a party tomorrow evening,” he said, grinning with too much confidence. “Down at the western dorms. Everyone cool is coming. You should, too.”

“Thank you,” you said politely. “But I already have plans for the weekend.”

“Better than spending time with me?” He winked, stepping ever so slightly in front of you.

You were firm this time. “Yes.”

“Oh, let her be, Brad.” It was Madison, who had come sauntering down the aisle. “If she says she’s busy, she probably is. We’ll miss you, Y/N!”

You threw her a grateful look… Madison didn’t seem to catch it.

You said your goodbyes to her and Brad and left the room quickly.

Maybe it was your imagination, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sam’s gaze flicker towards you… if only for one moment.

********************  

A/N 2: The next chapter is Sam’s POV ;) So we’ll finally know what’s up with him, huh ;)

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[tarasylnin-lavellan]

Justice's Ally

so one of my mutuals characters will be in the next installment the wonderful @w-h-4-t s Harel and she is a HUGE part of this piece since this is very heavily based off of the dialog that she and I ran back and forth for this so thank you lethalan you are amazing

Okay my lovelies here is safe for work recap so that you will be up to speed.

Tara has a terrible dream in which she is chased through a twilight forest. This forest is filled with massive dark crystal formations and trees that seem to stretch up out of sight. She is hunted and attacked by something that resembles the Dread Wolf. After she wakes terrified and half awake she loses the iron control she always keeps. We find out why, she has a spirit bound to her, Cullen reacts badly to this news saying she is an abomination and runs from her.

Tara is left with no choice in order to ensure her own safety she flees Skyhold. She is fleeing for the arbor wilds knowing that she can evade capture there and figure out what in the world she is going to do now.

Now on to the regularly scheduled angst

Dorian had decided that he wanted to read "Draconica the study of Dragon kin." He picked this up rather than the two before it in the stack. "Knowing us we are going to have to fight some scaly monstrosity soon." A small note fell from the pages in the dawn light, and Dorian caught it. His eyes scanned it quickly it was in Tara's precise script. He felt his heart tear at the terse words, "oh no, isa'ma'lan." He felt the outrage rising in him a bitter flame, that bastard ran her off! Dorian stormed toward the tower, people clearing out of his way quickly.

Dorian slammed the door open, and Cullen started violently halfway pulling his blade free. Dorian flicked his hand and all of the doors to the tower locked. "You, bastard if you hurt her so help me," Cullen stood rigid his eyes locked on the younger man. Dorians temper flared " SHE WAS YOUR LOVER, AND MY SISTER!!! THE ONLY FAMILY TO EVER LOVE!" Cullen cut him off his voice harsh and hurt "she is an ABOMINATION!" Dorians face grew dangerous as he looked at the ex templar "HOW DARE YOU!" his hands began to smoke faintly as he clenched them.

Cullen's face contorted in apprehension "You cant even control yourself." He let out a pained breath "maybe Meredith was right, maybe you are all abominations waiting to happen. Cullen looked tired and sad as if he didn't want to believe what he said. Dorians keen eyes caught the doubt in Cullen, he worked to calm the fury and outrage in his heart.

"She has always been like that, you ignorant bastard! She is a miracle not a MONSTER!" Cullen slammed his hands on the desk making things jump crazily. "MAGES its always MAGES WHY you blasted mages keep using me." Cullen's eyes welled with tears of grief, and he gritted his teeth hands shaking on his desk. "USE YOU?! she left to save you!" Dorian waved his hand "ah you are impossible, she was born like that she didn't change your eyes did." Cullen looked up frustration and hurt flashing in his amber eyes, "your glib tongue do you no favors mage!" Dorians hands rested on his hips, "shut up, just shut up and listen to yourself. This is Tara, our Tara, you're calling an abomination you washed up chantry fanatic! You want to call her monster, mage killer? We all have things that we would rather others not know. But Tara is.... SHES DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE SHE NEVER FALLS INTO A HOLE LIKE THAT BUT YOU you have..."

Cullen scoffed at the mage "you didn't see her, you cannot tell me my eyes have changed." Dorian scoffed right back "let me guess... she woke up screaming and fell out of the bed. And then hmm let me guess a blue light formed from her skin and her eyes glowed blue white." Cullen's eyes widened in surprise "who do you think holds her after those awful nightmares when you aren't around golden boy? My greatest regret is that she'd sacrifice her stupid selfless beautiful soul for an ignorant bastard like you. My beloved sister ran because she knew you would be forced to kill her, TO KILL HER FOR YOUR DAMNED HONOR. She didn't want to put YOU through that not for the sake of her own life! Knowing her she'd let you kill her," at this Cullen's face paled visibly "I see that I am right the damned fool, offered her life in payment, typical." Cullen growled "Enough!" slamming his hand on the desk again in pure emotion. "How HOW am I to look at her.... when all I see is that THING, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!"

Dorian looked at the torn man, "you feel as though she lied to you and used you. We cannot change the fact that Tara didn't tell you of her nature. However we must look at the intent, Commander. Not everything is this rigid black and white you blasted Andrastian's love so much. I will never know the pain you feel right this minute, but I do know that we are missing someone integral in our lives. Someone who has just run to maker knows where to save us." He sniffed in distress " its just like her, isn't it? She loves us so much.... that she would do anything for us....even... at the expense of herself." She would run to her death but she knows, she knows that it would break you to put her down. So she shattered everything she has instead for you. I know the courts Cullen, I know peoples faces from years of living in that snake pit and yours is all too easy to read. You think her cruel for hiding, and terrifying for the albatross. You cannot simply pull all of that love out, you idiot. All those restless nights, up at all hours researching Lyrium addiction and treatments. Her every waking moment, spent looking after your shattering body and mind." Dorian sighed heavily "do you have any idea how many times I had to peel her off her desk because she had passed out there? She is painfully selfless, and in your ignorance and fear you close your heart to her.

In Tevinter she would be accepted she would even be admired for what she is. She is a rare person, a true spirit born, a person who dies but a spirit breathes there own life into to bring back. But here? here she would be killed without question, simply for existing."

"She tried not to love you, the fool, but she simply couldn't help herself. Every day that woman puts up a Fucking WALL, EVERY DAY. And the moment she lets it down you prove her right and tear out her heart. And yet she left for YOU to save you the pain of her death. She would rather you despise her than grieve her. She probably wishes she were truly dead right now."

Cullen's voice was weak and pained "....magic.. exists to..."

"If you finish that sentence, Templar I will have no mercy for you" Dorian snarled. "Don't you dare quote scripture at me, I know spirits, I know those things you call demons. And Tarasyl'nin is not one. Don't. You. Dare. All that wonderful woman has done has been to SERVE others, she asks for nothing in return EVER. You are not out there by her side in battle, she will throw herself in front of anything to protect the innocent. Now tell me Templar is that the actions of an Abomination?"

"STOP IT she lied to me," Cullen barked in response but his heart was wavering desperate to believe. "She lied to protect you, because she adores you. You know our Tara can be a bit abrasive but when she loves, she loves hard. She would do anything for the people she cares for. Why cant you see that? just put the armor and the scripture away for a moment. Take a step back, its Tara, she never truly hid from you, Cullen she only wanted to be loved" Dorians voice hitched on the word loved. "She just wants what all of us want to be loved, for who we are. She tried so hard not to love you, to stay away from you but she couldn't help it. So she tried to protect you to let you think she was...normal. She wanted to protect you from her, HER of all people. The person who would throw herself to her knees and, let you kill her if you thought that was right." Dorians eyes filled with tears and he wiped them away viscously "she knew... the moment that you found out that you would kill her or she would have to run. She made plans to make sure you could never find her." Dorians chest hitched painfully " and now I have lost the only family that loves me." He looked at Cullen sullenly "I wish she had never met you, I tried to warn her damn you."

A heavy silence fell over the pair each lingering in the grief that filled the room like choking smoke. At last Cullen let out a sigh and massaged his forehead, "what is the dem-...the spirit like?"

Dorians eyes widened in astonishment "Pardon?" Cullen let out a slow breath " the spirit, what does it do? or think...or what?" Dorian eyed him warily "you...you actually wish to know?" Cullen looked up at the ceiling "I... rifts are tearing apart the world, A magister god has appeared and I have just learned the woman I love is part spirit. The world cannot get any more mad, perhaps instead of resisting like I have always done.... I... suppose its time to... learn. to get accustomed to this. Besides " Cullen looked down with reddened eyes "I cannot bear to lose the only good thing in my life after so much horror."

Dorian watches Cullen, his eyes discerning and shrewd, "as you wish Commander. Tara told me that she was still born this can happen with twins. Her mother begged the gods for help to save her daughter. Apparently a spirit heard her instead, and a blue white shape wrapped itself around the still child. In that moment she cried out but her eyes glowed faintly blue. The spirit is tethered to her it is all that keeps her alive, it is not so much a voice in her mind as hmm her subconscious. It influences her but cannot control her actions. However it is protective of her much as you beloved hounds are. It will appear in times of great stress and danger, it is the spirits power that she uses in battle. Her power is limited and focused because it is the spirits strength. It inspires her and at the same time, it grates on her taxing her. Think of it as ice melting in water except the ice is melting very very slowly. Its a part of her that is slowly blending into her. She is a living bridge to the fade and all that lies beyond.

Cullen let out an apprehensive breath "what spirit is it?" his hands clenched painfully on the wood. Dorian watched this impassively "It is a strong willed but impartial spirit... Justice... you templars know its darker form I know vengeance. As I recall that fool of a man Anders was possessed by one like it. However the difference is, Tara made no deal she has always been like this. She has grown in the shadow of this burden, she is not some foolhardy apprentice looking for power. She would rather destroy herself, than let the spirit corrupt her, as I fear she may now."

Cullen's eyes fly wide and he pales visibly "makers breath....we have to find her! The inquisition! the.. the... Tara.. she is out there!! Alone!" Cullen franticly tried to gather things, seemingly without direction. Dorian chuckled faintly at the man, "you are proposing that we attempt to find a Dalish woman, in the forest, with a head start no less?" Cullen whirled looking frantic " what other choice do we have? If we send a raven, it will not know where to find her! We... there has to be some way, makers breath if only she had a phylactery." Dorian cut him off "you honestly want to talk about that horrid practice after every thing we just discussed?" "The Inquisition needs her! Cullen interjected and Dorian scowled " never suggest a phylactery again.”

Now thankfully I have already sent out two expert trackers." "Some of Leliana's people?" Dorian waved a manicured hand at the question "Oh void no, people that can sense spirits much better than your Templars or soldiers ever could." "Cullen swallowed heavily "we have to get her back post haste." Dorians eyes glimmered in response "ha, look at you just a moment ago you were screaming bloody murder and now, he has become a knight again, Good show!" His eyes became level in a moment "I need to know that she will be safe, before I even consider letting them TRY to bring her back."

Cullen hung his head and responded "I will not harm her, of that you have my word....I....I just want her to return for the inquisitions sake. Dorian cleared his throat pointedly "....and for mine." "Lets hope Harel and Cole can find her then, I do not wish to live without my sister. Cullen's emotions crowded his mind "and.... I don't want to..." Dorian sighed dramatically "by the black Devine's breeches, you Ferelden men cant take even a little emotion."

[knittingdreams]

Fireheart - Chapter 2

Thanks so much to everybody that’s read the first chapter so far and shared it, made it into such a lovely welcoming to this tumblr community! <3

If you haven’t read the first chapter yet, you can find it here: Chapter 1  

And if you’re like me and can’t wait to read more once you start a story, then you can head to My Ao3 and read many many chapters there n_n

So, let’s get into it!

CHAPTER 2  

Infiltrating the 24th floor

The front door banged behind Celaena as she kicked it close with her heel. She dropped her bag to the floor, and walked towards the stairs as she took off the school’s jacket.

“Don’t leave your shit lying around,” Sam yelled behind her, and Celaena turned around just in time to catch her bag midair and spin in a full circle not to lose her balance as she hung the bag back over her shoulder.

“I leave my shit wherever I want, Cortland,” she quipped.

“Someone’s in a mood already?” Sam asked, walking towards Celaena and stopping only an inch from her.

“I am not in a mood, but you keep getting in the middle and fucking things up. I don’t need your damned help!” She yelled, pushing Sam with a finger against his muscly chest.

“Celaena, Sam, that is enough,” a voice called from the top of the stairs.

Sam squared his back, his jaw tightening up just a fraction, and Celaena turned around quickly, letting her pleated grey skirt fan around her.

“Arobynn,” she said with as much honey as she could add to her voice. “I didn’t expect you to be home so early,” she added, smiling broadly, as if him being home could make her happy.

“How could I not? It’s your first day of school after all, how did it feel like? It must be exhilarating to be surrounded by so many people of your age after such a long time,” he said, making his words sound like a caress, but Celaena could still feel the venom behind them.

Arobynn Hamel, their legal guardian and carer, wasn’t one to care. No, he only cared about the things that would benefit him, and this plan was not one that he had been keen on to start with. Celaena had managed to convince him, to persuade him with sweet words and perfectly planned strategies. She knew infiltrating Adarlan Elite High would lead to her finding the truth about what had happened with her parents, and convincing Arobynn had been her top priority for months.

Returning to the world of the living after nine years of living like a ghost was going to be a challenge for her, she knew that, but she was ready for it. Not that she wasn’t used to dealing with people, or to playing parts; but the crowds from her night life weren’t like the rich kids from Adarlan. She knew rich though, she knew them from the inside, from sneaking into their houses and stealing their secrets for Arobynn, she knew them from examining and stealing their most precious possessions; from plotting against them countless times.

“It was a good day,” Celaena replied, making sure not to give much away. “I still don’t understand why you sent Cortland though,” she added, not being able to avoid complaining about it. She glanced back at Sam with her eyes narrowed. 

She was almost hoping Arobynn would admit to not trusting her after what had happened the last time she went rogue.

“I think he can be a helpful asset,” Arobynn simply said, and then he walked down the stairs, brushing Celaena’s arm in a calculated caress as he walked past her. “I trust you can find out the truth,” he said, placing a finger under her chin. “But I also think you shouldn’t get too much attention to yourself, and having another new kid in school may be good for that,” he finished as he turned around, and kept walking towards the lounge.

There was no way Celaena could avoid getting attention, she wasn’t just another girl in the bunch and eyes always darted to her whenever she was in a room. Her long golden hair was the first thing people noticed, followed by the curves in her body; and her muscles. Most assumed she spent her nights in the gym, running and lifting weights, or that she was a cheerleader. They weren’t too far off, but there was so much more to her training schedule. Celaena and Sam could sometimes spend up to six hours in the basement’s gym. 

But her looks weren’t the only reason people looked at her, there was a fire in her eyes and a vibe that constantly surrounded her, and it attracted people. She had been told countless times that she could light up a room only by walking in; but she thought that was superficial bullshit coming out of people’s mouths.

“I better hurry,” she said to no one in particular as she started walking up the stairs. “I need to go check into the hotel.”

“Make sure you come over and report daily,” Arobynn said from around the corner, his voice sounding farther and farther away as she kept climbing up.

“I sure will,” she yelled before running the last few steps up the stairs and heading to her room. 

She closed the door behind her, grabbed her already packed bags and left them next to the door as she looked for a change of clothes. She had so many clothes that she had enough to pack a bag for a couple of weeks, and still leave plenty behind. Arobynn was good like that, and he often gifted her dresses, tights and skirts, as well as jewelry. She didn’t think anybody in town owned as much jewelry as she did. 

When she was younger, she used to think it was Arobynn’s way of showing that he cared, but she knew better; he didn’t care at all. He just wanted to show his power, show her how much he could do for her to keep her in his net, and keep her always owing him something.

Those days were about to be over, she was 17 now, only a year away from being able to claim her place back. All she had to do was figure out who was an ally, and who was a foe. Who was responsible for the plane crash that had killed her parents? The authorities had deemed it an accident in the end, but she knew better. She knew it had been planned, she had been young, but she could still remember her mother’s worried eyes as the plane started going down.

“We were set up,” she had said to her father as they hugged. 

Her younger self hadn’t been able to figure out the meaning of those words, but years under Arobynn’s tutelage had.

Gavriel, Aedion’s father, was her first suspect. He had been the one they were heading over to visit, and he was the one that knew the most about their schedule and plans to arrive in Rifthold that day. But he wasn’t the only one, they were many after her family’s fortune, and she would get to the bottom of it. 

She finished getting changed into her favorite black leather tights, a long sleeved red top with a considerable cleavage, her red high heels and a black leather jacket; it was time for a ride.

It only took her a few minutes to make her way to the Havilliard Hotel, and as soon as she was past the front door, there was already someone picking her bags for her and helping her over to the main counter.

“Celaena Sardothian,” she said as she leaned over the front desk, taking her sunglasses off. “I have a room booked for the next two months,” she stated.

“Perfect, I just need you to sign this paper here,” the receptionist said as she placed a form on the counter. “And here is your key. Breakfast is served between six and ten in the morning, lunch starts at midday, until two in the afternoon, and dinner is served from five until nine. If you have any questions, you can call reception, and we also provide room service.” She finished with a polite smile.

“Thank you,” she replied as she finished signing the form and grabbed the keys. 

She was excited for the freedom, it was the first time she’d be living on her own, even if it was fake; even if she still had to go to Arobynn’s mansion everyday to tell him what was going on. She'd also have to check with him regularly in case there were any more jobs he needed her to do; she was sure there would be plenty going on. 

She was glad for the facade that allowed her this freedom, claiming to be an exchange student had been the perfect excuse to get inside the Hotel. She knew everybody would buy straight into it, rich people never questioned anything that shined; and she had her glistering jewelry to prove she belonged.

She called the elevator in the lobby, and leaned on one foot as she waited, her hands on her hips.

“Are you going up?” a voice called behind her.

“Yup, not much point going down, is there?” she replied as she looked behind her shoulder.

The guy standing there was about her same height, with raven black hair and a stunning pair of sapphire blue eyes that were looking her up and down.

“Just the parking lot, actually,” he replied. “Would you mind if I joined you? Which floor are you heading to?” He asked.

“So many questions for someone who I don’t even know by name,” she replied, turning around and being fully aware of who was the guy now standing in front of her.

“Sorry, my bad,” he said as he extended a hand towards her. “I’m Dorian Havilliard Junior, son of the Dorian Havilliard.”

She looked down at his outstretched arm and then back up to his eyes before shaking his hand. 

“Nice to meet you,” she said as she purposely licked her bottom lip, aware of the attention drawing red lipstick she was wearing.

The door opened up behind them, and they both stepped into the elevator. She leaned against the back wall, her arms crossed over her chest and her right foot popped against the wall. Dorian selected the 25th floor, and then looked at her.

“May I know the floor now?”

“24th,” she replied with a smirk.

His eyebrows rose up, and he gave her an incredulous smirk before punching in the number.

“Should I know you?” Dorian asked her after a moment’s pause. He was clearly wondering what kind of teenager was staying in one of the suits from the second to last floor. After all, they were the most expensive rooms of the hotel.

“Maybe,” she said, lifting her chin up.

“You haven’t told me your name yet,” he said then, turning around to fully face her.

The number on the reader marked that they were onto the 6th floor.

“Have I not?” she asked innocently.

7th floor.

“No, you haven’t,” he said, and he took a step forward.

8th floor.

Celaena chewed on her bottom lip, as if thinking the question over.

9th floor.

She rearranged her hair, sweeping it back and then putting a few strands back to the front, careful to look down as she did, crossing her arm back under her chest.

10th floor.

She glanced up, and caught Dorian looking down at her cleavage.

11th floor.

“My eyes are up here,” she said, pointing up with one hand.

12th floor.

He looked flustered for a second, but he got rid of the look fast enough, replacing it for a smug smile instead.

13th floor.

“Excuse me, I got a little distracted,” he said, and then he cleared his throat.

14th floor.

“That’s fine, just remember where my eyes are.” 

15th floor.

“Of course, I could never forget such beautiful eyes,” he said cockily.

16th floor.

“They’re like a cup of coffee, dark, intense, but with just the smaller dab of milk.” He said as he took another step towards her.

17th floor.

“Do you always flirt by comparing girls to foods you like?” Celaena asked, sounding incredulous and offended.

19th floor.

“Who said I’m flirting?” Dorian took another small step towards her.

20th floor.

“Oh, I think you were, you even forgot you had asked about my name. It is rude to flirt with someone whose name you don’t even now,” she added, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. 

21th floor.

“Are you going to tell me your name then? I might see you around here often if you’re staying for a while. You know, this is my father’s hotel after all.”

22th floor.

“Oh, how lucky I’d be if I run into you again, right?” She said as she shrugged with one shoulder. She peeled off the wall and took a step towards him, standing only an inch away.

23th floor.

“You would be,” he replied, his breath brushing her cheeks.

24th floor.

“It’s Celaena,” she whispered in his ear as she leaned forward, and then walked past him, her shoulder bumping into his as she moved towards the door. “And you might be lucky to see me again,” she added as she stepped out and turned around to watch the doors close between them.

You will certainly see me again, she thought. You will see a lot of me. 

Also, here’s an adorable Dorian looking all fancy in a suit, because why not?

[xxlittle0birdxx]

The Nightmares Find You: The Loneliness of a Lie

Sam's eyes snapped open, half expecting to see the metal hand from his nightmare hovering just above his nose. He blinked at the dim lamp next to his bed. When was the last time he'd had to sleep with a light on? That first year out of the Air Force, maybe, when all his nightmares featured Riley getting blown to pieces. Sam glanced out the windows at the snow falling in fat, fluffy flakes, and burrowed further into the warmth of his duvet. Five things that are real, Sam. One, you're named after your grandfathers, Samuel Rochon and Thomas Wilson… Two, you have a sister named Sarah, and her husband's name is Alan. They just had a baby. Alan Junior, but call him AJ. Sam felt his heart rate begin to slow. Three, your hometown is Delacroix, Louisiana. Four, your favorite album is Trouble Man by Marvin Gaye. Five, you make étouffée almost as good as Granny's… He repeated the litany until his pulse stopped pounding in his ears.

His head swiveled on the pillow toward the framed photo on the nightstand. He lifted a shaking hand and swiped it over his face, then reached for the frame that held a photo of him and Riley on a beach far from any military installation where they could be themselves for a few days. Riley would lose his shit if he could see me now, Sam thought. Working with Tony fucking Stark. Living in this compound with Captain America. Not too shabby for a kid from a place nobody could find on a map. One forefinger traced over Riley's face, as though he could smooth back the lock of hair that fell across his forehead. He lowered the frame facedown on his chest and looked to his right. They didn't share a bed very often, but Riley always slept on the right. And Sam couldn't bring himself to sleep on that side of the bed yet.

He wasn't going back to sleep, though. Not now.

Sam sighed and replaced the photograph, then swung his feet to the floor, pulling on an old and faded LSU t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He automatically turned and made his bed, tugging the crumpled sheet back into place before straightening the duvet. Old habits died hard, although he was less precise about it these days. He stepped into a pair of worn slides, and went into the kitchen, too keyed up to do nothing. If anyone asked why he was up at this godforsaken hour of the morning, he could blame jet lag. He'd spent the last several weeks hopscotching across Europe following a few leads about Bucky's location. He'd come back to New York yesterday and managed to evade Steve's attempts to pull him aside, pleading exhaustion.

Sam's hands moved of their own accord, pulling milk and eggs from the refrigerator, rummaging through the pantry until he found a couple of loaves of the crusty bread Natasha liked to use for toast. He selected a knife from the block on the counter and proceeded to slice the bread into cubes that he spread on a baking tray, and then slid it into the oven. He whisked the eggs and milk together with vanilla, sugar, and cinnamon. With nothing to do for the next half hour until the bread dried, Sam rummaged through one of the drawers that held the odds and ends one often found in a house full of people with different tastes and schedules. Random rubber bands. A ball of string. A jumble of pens, half of which were dried out, never thrown out. Ketchup packets from Wanda's late night forays into town for fries. A collection of loose coins from multiple countries. And, a well-used pack of standard playing cards.

Perfect.

Sam shuffled the cards with a careless ease come by years of playing anything from Go Fish to pinochle. Riley often laughed at him for keeping a pack of playing cards with his gear, but a childhood spent working on his parents' boat meant Sam didn't handle idleness well. So he played solitaire, or patience as his grandmother called it, during periods of forced inactivity. She was right. It took patience.

He only paused long enough to remove the bread cubes from the oven and transfer them into a baking dish, then pour the milk mixture over it. He slid the dish into the refrigerator and resumed his game, starting a one-sided conversation with Riley in his head.

I haven't dreamed about the Winter Soldier in almost a year. Dreamed about him all the damn time after Hydra took down S.H.I.E.L.D. Didn't matter what I was dreaming about, it would always shift into that damn metal hand smashing through my windshield and ripping the steering wheel out. I was sure that was it, and my number was up. I've never felt more helpless. Not even when I watched the RPG come straight at you.

So what do I have to feel helpless about? I've got a job I enjoy. Using the EXO-7 Falcon again. Although this time, it's better. I've got Redwing as my wingman again. Or will soon. He should be ready in a week or two. Sarah and Alan are in a good place.

A flicker of movement through one of the floor-to-ceiling windows caught his attention Steve walked past, slipping in his earbuds, dressed for a run through the snowy upstate New York countryside.

Sam looked down at the cards, straightening and aligning them just so. I don't like lying to Steve, but right now it's the best thing for Bucky. I get it. Steve wants his friend back. But I'm not sure he understands that the guy who pulled him out of the river isn't the same guy he knew back in 1944. I understand why… Nobody here knows who he was before he Captain America. I can't imagine how lonely he feels sometimes, but I can't shake the feeling that… No, he did not want to go there. Was it selfish of Steve to want his friend back? Sam supposed that depended on whether or not Steve expected Bucky to just pick up where they left off in 1944. He swept the cards into a pile, then tapped the edges sharply against the counter. He didn't feel very patient at the moment.

Sam twisted his wrist so he could study his watch. It was late enough that nobody would question why he was awake. The pool would be deserted this early. No one else used it regularly, except Sam. He headed into a changing room, stripping off his shirt as he walked. Once he'd pulled on his swimsuit, he dove into the water and began swimming laps. One-two-thee-breathe… One-two-three-breathe… Tuck, roll, push off the wall… As he settled into the rhythm, he let his mind wander once more.

He'd found Bucky.

In Bucharest. Sam didn't know how long he'd been there. He'd last tracked him down in New York City about a year ago, then the trail went cold. But there he was. Tramping through the snow, the collar of his coat turned up, a black watch cap pulled down low over his ears, eyes darting everywhere, jumping at the distant wail of police sirens. He'd cut his hair in New York, but now wisps of it fluttered from under the edge of the cap. He ducked into a stationery shop, and emerged a few minutes later, clutching a carrier bag with black notebook and pack of common ball point pens.

I ought to say something, Sam continued, speaking to the Riley of his memories. I ought to tell Steve where Bucky is. But I'll be honest with you, Riley… He scares me. If a bird shits on his head, is he gonna go off on a murder spree? Where does the Winter Soldier end, and James Buchanan Barnes begin? I don't even know if we can repair whatever it is that Hydra did to him. I don't know what to do, or if there's anything I can do, and it's eating me up inside.

Sam's fingertips touched the wall, and he surfaced with a gasp. He threw his arms over the lane rope, using it to anchor himself in place, sucking in greedy lungfuls of air. That was it. Following Bucky around was like watching an RPG approach in slow motion, and knowing there wasn't a goddamn thing they could do.

'You all right?'

Sam's head reared back, and he lifted the goggles from his eyes, letting them rest on his forehead. Steve sat on a bench on the pool deck, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Even though he wasn't frowning, a line deepened between his brows. 'Fine.'

'You were up pretty early,' Steve remarked, as Sam swam to the ladder and hauled himself out of the water. 'Saw you in the kitchen playing solitaire.' He let a grin soften his features. 'That yellow shirt of yours is hard to miss.'

Sam chuckled. That shirt did make hims easy to pick out. ‘Jet lag.’ Sam grabbed a snorkel and mask from a shelf and tossed them into the deep end of the pool, intending to run through some pararescue exercises.

‘Did you find him?’ Steve asked. Sam could hear the hidden desperation under the studied casualness.

Sam peered at his rippling reflection on the surface of the water, and let the lie come to his lips. ‘No.’

[kentthewolf]

8 Steps: How To Do In 2 Hours, What Most Do In A Week

Regardless if you work from home or commute to an office, many discover it can be a battle to focus, be productive, and finish every one of their assignments.

Since becoming a self-employed marketing specialist (on February 16th, 2020), I've constructed an effective full-time business, launched various side hustles, finished numerous enormous tasks for a few clients without a moment's delay, and worked far less than 40 hours per week while venturing and spending much more time with my family than I ever had before.

Yet, my secret isn't earplugs, espresso, "more self-control," or an enchanted time-management application. (Truth be told, I don't utilize one single efficiency apparatus by any stretch of the imagination.)

In this article, I'll show you the specific, exceptionally intense techniques that caused me to soar my efficiency and get magnificent outcomes without depending on “willpower”.

It's entirely conceivable and regardless of whether you're self-employed or an employee, these tips will help you as well.

1. Stay away from productivity killers

Regularly, individuals attempt to help their efficiency by adding a wide range of assets:

Time management app, calendars, site blockers, productivity books, and so on

Yet, making an inadequate framework more proficient doesn't prompt greater productivity.

Before you add more, start by deducting things that kill your productivity.

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential. — Bruce Lee

Rule Number One: Never check your email or messages first thing in the morning.

55% of Americans check their email before they even go to work.

The problem with checking your emails or messages so early is that it puts people in a state of reaction: It fills their head with tasks, stressors, and mini-fires they need to put out before they even had a chance to do all their top priorities.

And since they see their emails before they’re at work, they can’t even do anything about it yet! So, it stays in the back of their mind all morning and they can’t be fully present.

(Later in this article, I’ll show you how to check your email in a more productive way.)

Rule Number Two: Limit all notifications.

Loads of individuals' phones are an interruption factory — with a wide range of alarms, messages, updates, and notification, it resembles having an infant in your pocket. 

However, it's unimaginable for you to focus like this. 

To start with, people are awful at performing various tasks. Regardless of how hard you attempt it, in the event that you get a notification like clockwork, you can't zero in well on the thing you're doing. 

Second, if a notification pulls you away from your work, when you return, you'll burn through a great deal of time as your mind has to readjust to what you were doing, and returns to a similar level of productivity before the interruption. (You lose throughout 23 minutes each time, really.)

Third, checking your notifications resembles a drug: 

Each time you check a message, email, alert, and so forth, your cerebrum discharges dopamine, a compound that causes us to feel better. 

In the long run, your body gets dependent on these chemicals and you begin wanting it — and the best way to fulfill that hankering is to check Gmail, Instagram, Facebook, and so forth 

An exceptionally basic arrangement is simply to set your phone on flight mode or "do not disturb" during explicit times, particularly toward the beginning of the day. 

For the individuals who need to take this to the next level, I energetically suggest disabling all unimportant notifications from all applications on your phone.

Rule Number Three: Don't sit in front of the TV, read the news, or check/utilize social media before anything else in the morning. 

Productivity is tied in with achieving your most elevated priorities, efficiently and effectively. (Take it from a marketing professional, who’s predominant chunk of work ties back to social media at some point)

Activities for your boss. Building your business. Making a side business. Composing the book you've for the longest time been itching to compose. Preparing for a long-distance race. Getting a degree. 

Odds are, be that as it may, your most elevated needs are not Instagram, messages, and viewing SportsCenter. 

The issue is, when individuals start the morning by consuming data, they haven't stepped toward their main objectives and they're as of now filling their brain with (generally) pointless, distracting stuff. 

None of it will assist them with achieving their greatest errands. Furthermore, more regrettable, things like the news cause individuals to feel more negative, stressed, and pessimistic, further influencing productivity. 

Yet, there's a reason behind why such a large amount of this is centered around your mornings…

2. Overcome the most important time of the day 

The secret to soaring your efficiency is exceptionally straightforward: 

Overcome the initial three hours after you awaken. 

This is the point at which you're generally innovative, engaged, ready, gainful, and stimulated. 

That is the reason it's essential to secure your mornings and try to benefit from those hours. 

Here's how:

To begin with, require a couple of moments at the very beginning of your day to do an amazing morning schedule. 

It may appear to be strange to invest energy in the first part of the day not to work, but rather to prepare yourself to work. However, I guarantee those couple of moments will change your productivity.

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend the first six of them sharpening my axe. — Abraham Lincoln

A few plans to "sharpen your axe:"

Meditate. Go for a stroll. Eat healthy. Peruse something motivating. Compose your objectives on a handy-dandy journal. Stretch. And so forth

It doesn't need to be muddled (or long), however plan something to help you feel 100% prepared — mentally, physically, and emotionally — so you're engaged, inspired, focused, and driven.

At that point, when you begin working, you'll have a huge load of momentum to take out the entirety of your assignments.

Second, try not to settle on an excessive number of insignificant choices and, instead, do the same routine consistently.

That is really the mystery of world class level competitors/athletes:

They do the exact same ludicrously, exhausting, boring schedules throughout each and every day.

They eat the same healthy foods. They do the same exercises. They do the same warm-ups.

Once more, mornings are the point at which you are generally beneficial and focused. Try not to squander your psychological energy on minor choices. "What am I going to eat? What am I going to do? What am I going wear? Where am I going to go?"

In all actuality we just have a restricted measure of significant level for mental execution every day.

By doing the same things consistently, you can utilize that elevated level of cognitive energy on the things that matter since all the minor task of your day are on auto-pilot.

Third, accomplish extraordinary work.

After your morning routine, you may have somewhere close to 2–2.5 hours remaining from your initial three hours. That is the point at which you will accomplish your best work.

The remainder of this article will show you how.

3. Why you need to make teeny-tiny assignments

Many individuals think they battle to complete their assignments on account of laziness or an absence of willpower, inspiration, or determination.

In any case, frequently, the explanation is undeniably more straightforward!

For instance, somebody's plan for the day may resemble:

Compose blog article

Build a website

The genuine issue is each task is so overwhelming!

To compose a blog article or construct another site, it could take somewhere in the range of 3 to 30 hours!

Each errand is so huge and inconclusive, there's no foreordained length or approach to quantify its fulfillment — but to complete the entire damn thing. (I speak from experience; can’t you tell my frustration?)

Also, in the event that it winds up requiring 30 hours, it'll remain on your to do list for a few days, if not weeks.

Instead, break them into explicit, noteworthy errands that can be executed in less than 60 minutes.

For instance, rather than "compose a blog entry," it very well may be "compose an outline," "make a draft for the intro," "compose 10 ideas for the title," "compose 200 words," and so forth

These are explicit, significant, and quantifiable.

Much like with sweets, teeny-tiny is better:

With smaller tasks (ex. 20-minute long), you have certainty you can complete them. In any case, if your assignment is to assemble a site (which can require days, weeks, or months), the finish line might as well be in the North Pole.

When you make your errands "teeny-tiny," you'll finish a greater number of assignments in less time than previously. By observing yourself finish more things, you'll pick up momentum and certainty.

When you have a significant plan for the day, it's an ideal opportunity to orchestrate them the correct way…

4. Prioritize like a pro

One of my most extraordinary lessons came from the "80/20 Rule."

Otherwise called the "Pareto Principle," it clarifies that about 80% of your output comes from about 20% of your input.

For productivity, that implies 20% of your work makes 80% of your outcomes.

A few people, however, simply do their daily agenda in any order. So, they may complete a great deal of errands before their day's over, yet get little outcomes (assuming any).

Actuality is, in everybody's plan for the day, there's only a couple of things that have the "greatest value for your money."

So, pick the 3 most significant things — no more than 3 — and put those at the top.

At that point, do those 3 things each in turn and don't do whatever else on your list until you finish those 3 things.

By doing these basic things first, you get the most outcomes every single day.

Once more, you have the most inventiveness, focus, and mental energy in the mornings; so, devote your best time of day on your highest priority tasks.

To figure out your best 3 tasks, try asking yourself:

What three things totally can't stand by until tomorrow?

What are the three things that on the off chance that I finished, but did nothing else, would have the option to get by with?

What are the three things that will have the greatest effect on my life?

Assuming, in any case, you have 5 basic assignments that all should be done today, locate the two things that, in the event that you don't do them, have the slightest repercussions.

At that point prioritize the other three.

(Figuring out how to prioritize will change your productivity, and in addition your life.)

5. Why limiting your time can zap your speed

Have you ever had a whole month to do something minuscule — and that "miniscule thing" winds up requiring the whole month?

There's a law for that.

It's designated "Parkinson's Law": Work expands to fill the time necessary for its completion.

In other words, whatever time you give yourself to finish an errand, it'll take that measure of time — regardless of whether it's 30 minutes, three hours, or three weeks.

Along these lines, to help your efficiency, don't give yourself more time to complete something:

Give yourself less.

Make a forceful time limit and perceive how quick you can do it. Clearly, you need to do a good job, but try to push yourself in terms of speed AND quality.

You'll see that the errands that once took "quite a while" really complete significantly quicker.

More, frequently, you'll really make a superior showing since you're giving your full concentration and focus to hit a pressing time limit.

This is the way you utilize Parkinson's Law for your own benefit.

6. Take interval mental breaks

It gives you stretched intervals to be super-engaged and undistracted while additionally giving you breaks to recuperate and reenergize.

Regardless of whether you're working, composing, or learning, taking regular breaks is essential.

It resembles working out at the gym: You need rest between practices so you can do it again and still have perseverance, strength, and force.

You can do a work duration of 25 minutes — with a brief 5 min break — I for the most part complete 50 minutes with a 10-minute break.

Throughout this break, however, it's essential to really "take a break" and not simply browse email, check social media, or occupy yourself.

Normally, I'll go for a stroll to walk my dog, do yoga stretches or even basic calisthenics to stimulate blood circulation throughout the body; at that point, I reset the clock and go once more.

7. Improve your performance with music

You did your morning schedule. You have your organized daily agenda. You haven't browsed through your emails or messages. You set 50 minutes on your clock and are prepared to tackle the day.

Now what?

Here's a simple tip to help you take your working capacities to the next level:

Tune in to the same music on repeat.

Here's the reason why it’s so effective:

Instead of continually hearing different songs, which urges you to tune in to the words, by tuning in to the same one, you melt into the tune, quit zeroing in on the words, and simply feed off the energy.

My secret sauce is to listen to Binary sounds. Search “Binary Work/Study Music”, it’s far less distracting and gives you more focus to work. (I’m doing it as I compose this article piece!).

8. Conquer the last challenge

The past productivity systems are incredibly amazing and intense.

Yet, here's a severe truth:

Regardless of how well you plan your day or the number of productivity systems you use, in the event that you hate what you’re doing or don't know enough about what you're doing, you won't be productive.

So, on the off chance that you attempt these tips and still battle to complete things, ask yourself:

Do you really want to do them in the first place?

Is there something you're anxious about or afraid of?

In any case, while there are times you need to beat internal opposition — particularly when attempting to transform yourself — some of the time it's an indication of a more profound issue.

Possibly your body, brain, and gut are attempting to reveal to you something.

Talking from personal experience, the last time I opposed accomplishing work, it was on the grounds that I was in an occupation I hated and I wound up quitting (which additionally fixed my depression and allowed me to educate myself more on the thing that mattered most to me).

I can’t tell you for sure, but I do recommend taking some time, digging deep, and seeing where that opposition is coming from. You might just discover a whole new your

I can’t wait to see the greatness you will accomplish.

[writing-the-end]

WS Chapter 42- Worth Fighting For

Previous Chapter

Masterpost

Back to our regularly scheduled angst :))))). This entire chapter was written with a specific song from a video game soundtrack in mind, and you can actually notice some choice language because of it. If you want a good song to listen to while reading, listen to “The World and All it’s Lessons” by Joris De Man. 

Red belongs to @theguardiansofredland

Selene belongs to @to-dem-stars​

Ecto belongs to @cooler-cactus-block

Warning: This chapter contains general angst and brief hints (never indepth) mentions of depression. 

There are lots of places to hide in the deep ocean. Coral outcrops, underwater ruins, decaying shipwrecks. But it was the caverns that Red found most comforting. Complete darkness, with only glowing algae that spreads across the walls like nebulas to aid her vision. Her own skin glows in response to the darkness, but none of the light offers warmth. 

She doesn’t want the warmth. She just wants to freeze out everything, forget the world. All it’s joys, all it’s sorrows. All its warmth and cold. To just forget what it means to live. Red finds a small hole in the tunnels, just big enough for her to curl into. She cradles her knees to her chest, burying her face into her arms. She can feel the warm tears on her skin, but they simply are washed away by the briny sea. It’s as if she doesn’t have tears at all, making the pain ache within her all the more. 

It doesn’t matter what’s going on beyond the hole that Red is curled up in. The entire ocean could be dead, for all he cares. Everything important to him is gone. The creature that raised him is dead, taken by the hellspawns. Red just wants to forget the whole adventure, forget the daring escapes and bright nights. He wants to forget his new friends, Ecto and Avon and the hermits. He wants to forget the whole world, all it’s lessons and enemies, all it’s hopes and hates. 

He doesn’t care anymore. The hellspawns won. They have their victory, and whatever the hell they want. They can’t take any more from Red. 

Mama Gummi was always there for Red. She never got to know her real family, she was separated from them long, long ago. But she had Mama Gummi, such a kindhearted elder guardian, and her horde of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. The entire monument took Red in, became her family. They raised her, teaching her how to swim and catch fish, how to keep a pufferfish from blowing up and a dolphin from stealing her toys. In her adventures in this ocean, she befriended the drowned- lost souls of ships cast into the depths, bodies revived by the immortal currents and stitched together with algae and seaweed. She honed her building skills by making abodes for the drowned. 

Red has been through many friends, passing and pushing onto her. Friends who wounded her, physically and mentally. Friends who slandered her home and name, friends who twisted words and deeds, who took what they wanted and left as quickly as the wind would change. People who called themselves friends, but were exactly the opposite. In all those times, it was always Mama Gummi who comforted the wounded kipling. Such a big heart, so open and lonely. An easy target for the monsters in the night. 

But Mama Gummi loved Red’s noble heart. When Red would bring home sea turtles with wounded flippers, nursing them back to health, Mama Gummi always helped in any way she could. They may not be related by blood, but Red takes after his adopted mother in kindness. And Red always thought it was kindness, an open heart that would fix every problem. It’s what Selene fell in love with. It’s how he managed to break Avon out of her shell, how to get Ecto to trust them, how they were freed from Area 77 and made it around the worlds. 

It couldn’t stop Blu, and whoever else he’s working with. It couldn’t stop them from killing Avon’s family, from destroying Ecto’s home. It couldn’t stop them from doing both to Red. Why her? Why did they have to do this, to sicken an entire ocean till it’s toxic to breathe, and kill off the creatures that call this place home? What kind of threat is Red to them? She can’t even hold a sword right, much less fight like Ecto or Avon. Why her, why her home and her family? 

Red doesn’t realize he’s cried himself out, and all that’s left is the whimpers and whines. His head is dizzy, dehydrated despite being surrounded by water. The cold, hard walls cradle the lost and lonely child, orphaned twice now as he falls asleep to the sounds of his own cries echoing down the stone hall. 

-------------------------------------------

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Red this distraught.” Selene whispers, collecting the potion bottles from Ecto and Avon. The three swim into the open ocean, escaping the mouth of the dying monument. Its last few ragged, stale breaths against the illness plaguing it. Selene looks across the murky waters, thick with algae and death. “What kind of messed up shit is causing this?” 

“Remember when we were pushed into another world?” Ecto swims to the seafloor, running her fingers across the grains of sand. Trying to not get lost in all this water, lose which way is up and down. “This is the work of the nether.” 

“Blu.” Avon whispers. 

“I met with my mentor, Sylaeus. He’s the smartest man I know, but he said he heard buttfuck nothing about people from the nether.” Selene leads Red’s friends as she talks. She knows this ocean, they’d be lost without her or Red guiding them. She also knows where Red is most likely to hide. “But he did point me to a book about nether fortresses. That they were obviously made by people, in the same way ocean monuments were. Perhaps, unlike ocean monuments, they were never truly abandoned.” 

“Well we met one of those people. Beat the shit out of us.” Ecto growls, running a hand along the wounds left by Blu. 

Selene stops dead. “You met one? You lucky bastards fought a person from the nether?” 

“A hellspawn seems to be what they are commonly called. But yes, we were thoroughly thrashed by Blu. Red got lucky he wasn’t as badly hurt.” 

“Well what the fuck did he say? What kind of information were you able to glean?” Selene is starved for information. She doesn’t like not knowing things, and this mystery has been haunting her since Red left her home. Red has never traveled the world, she’s lucky to have these strange new friends to keep her safe. And they’re lucky to have Red, to keep them calm and collected. 

“He didn’t really say much, just started attacking us. But...they’ve been ambushing our homes while we’ve been traveling.” Ecto’s fists clench as she remembers her desert. Buried in snow, frozen and left to shatter against the wind and waste. 

“They even made it into the End. Nothing as bad as this, though.” Avon looks around, the bony fingers of coral reaching out and grabbing at the strangers. Sick fish hide among the bleached coral, swimming past in weak flicks of their rotted tails. Even the drowned’s gurgles are foamed and gasping. Struggling to breathe the toxic water. Filter oxygen through the turbid water. 

Selene peeks into a small hovel, the roof a tangle of staghorn coral. No Red, but memories do whisper across Selene’s memory. The first time Selene followed Red underwater, they rested under this very coral while Selene recuperated from being pricked by a pufferfish. She remembers the vibrant blues and reds, intertwining in an intricate dance. The shafts of rippling sunlight blinding Selene. And illuminating the strange creature before her. Red looked so different underwater than when they first met. After he saved her from drowning. He was just another fish in the reef, a part of the ecosystem.

The coral is too different, too dead. Red wouldn’t hide here. Selene racks her head, trying to think like Red. If she were Red, where would she go? She would go into the darkest corner of the ocean, far away from everything. Selene sighs as she realizes where Red is. “I really didn’t want to drink more damned water breathing potions. Shit tastes like fucking ass.” 

-------------------------------

“Red?” Selene’s soft voice warms across Red’s ears, stirring him from sleep. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep, but he can still feel the swelling in his eyes and aching in his heart. Red glances over his shoulder, seeing three faces bobbing at the entrance of the small hole he’s squeezed into. Three concerned, pitying faces.

She turns back over, pulling herself into a smaller ball. She just wants to be left alone. Left to become another stone among the cavern, forgotten by time and life. A whine escapes her lips as someone grabs her by the tail and drags her from the dark corner. Selene’s conjured a warm, comforting orb of light, completely unaffected by the water surrounding it. Ecto releases Red from her grip, allowing her to sit up. Red buries her head into her arms.

“Red...I’m sorry about Mama Gummi. I can’t imagine losing someone like that.” Avon whispers, trying to comfort her friend. But she’s no good at this emotional stuff.

“What does it matter? There’s nothing left for me.” Red whispers. 

“There’s so much more for you, Red.” Selene whispers. “There’s us, and the remaining guardians at the monument.” 

“All the guppies. They need someone to teach them to swim.” Avon adds. Red can’t help but let a wavering smile appear on his face, remembering the baby guardians. Fresh from hatching, wiggling tiny bodies and even more tiny tails. “They need you just as much as you needed Mama Gummi.” 

“And you aren’t going to let her die in vain, are you?” Ecto questions. Red frowns. He hates that Ecto’s words rile him up. “These bastards must atone for wronging you. For destroying our home, killing your family.” 

Selene bites her lip. Red is hard to anger, but she knows well enough that crossing a kipling is not a good idea. And Red’s desire for vengeance can turn the kindhearted person into a sinister being.

 “And Mama Gummi wouldn’t want you to give up.” Red’s anger, her guilt fades as she hears Selene’s calm voice. Selene knows exactly what to say. All three move closer, cocooning Red in warmth. Bringing her back from the brink. Selene continues, seeing she has Red’s attention. “She would want to see you fix this problem. To be the hero not just for the monument, but to everyone. To do great things, because she knows you’re just as great.” 

Red doesn’t realize she’s being held by her friends, hugging her. Returning her to light, out of dark. She can’t give up. It would be what Mama Gummi wanted. She needs to be there for the rest of the monument, for the guppies orphaned by the plague. And she needs to make sure whoever did this, including Blu, pays tenfold for the suffering they caused this ocean. The lives it’s killed and ruined. Red wipes at his cheeks, despite tears being long gone. “We should take care of the babies.”

[ecto-american]

I think Ember’s entire self would have fit really well as being a deceased Kpop idol. Not just in terms of who she is as a character and it giving her more depth and personality that already matches her canon, but also give great social commentary on how toxic the music industry, especially Korea's, can be.

More detail explaining this under the cut.

Firstly a disclaimer: I was an absolute Kpop weeb in my high school years. I knew all the bands and dances and stuff, and thus I was somewhat exposed to the culture of Kpop. Since then, I kind of have gone back and done some researched and watched documentaries and the like (because I am a big sociology nerd), but I'm not that deeply invested in Kpop anymore. But this is a thought I've had for a long time, ever since I first began to hear some of the problems surrounding Kpop idols and such.

I also want to point out that I am not saying that Ember within canon is a deceased Kpop star. She clearly isn't, and I'm not trying to make a case as to why she is given canon evidence. I'm writing this because I really like this interpretation a lot better than what canon gave us. In my own personal headcanons and worldbuilding and rewrite fanfiction, Ember is a deceased Kpop star.

We got that squared away? Coolio. Let's start.

Now that “preface” or whatever is out of the way, I really want to begin this by giving some background on Korean pop, specifically the industry and the culture surrounding it, for those who don't know. This is going to give some much needed and important context behind what I'm about to say about Ember. I will also be providing as many sources as I can to this section, but a lot of this is really easy to find on google as well.

In Korea, to be a pop star: you basically have to be perfect. In your dance, music, appearance, your entire image is now basically the property of your manager. Plastic surgery is a massive deal in South Korea, and it's partly due to this.

When you get your contact, you basically have to go through a bootcamp, which involves: Limited contact with family and friends, dropping any romantic relationships or behaviors that would be deemed unwholesome (many companies even go as far as forbidding relationships so that fans can better “see” themselves as being with the idol, which increases sales), brutal training schedules and everything you do is so heavily monitored by your bosses. This has lead to many Kpop idols (especially women) to be dangerously underweight or to have eating disorders, 15 hour training days day after day, being fired for being in a relationship outside of their company's approval/against contract. It's caused literal deaths and mental breakdowns.

Of course, America has the eating disorder problem too, and long work days. But please take in mind: management in Korea actively pushes for these eating disorders and are almost applauded publicly for keeping their stars thin, while in America, it becomes an absolute scandal. And yes, America has long work days too, but in comparison to Korea, American musicians basically only release a single or two in a year, and an album about every three years or so. On average. Kpop groups are pressured to release one or two albums every year on top of regular singles. If you youtube Korean pop shows, there's so many examples of stars collapsing on stage due to exhaustion and hunger. And most of the time, they're forced to get back up and continue, compared to America where they're normally “hey show over”. There are some Americans who will go through with it, but it's normally stars who are determined to finish in spite. It's not a push by your boss to finish or be fired and blacklisted from the industry.

Kpop idols are often broke as fuck, so there’s not even that as compensations. Many literally don't get most of the proceeds from their music. Their contracts are often compared to being slave contracts by stars. One Kpop star even said that she and her group had to split one meal whenever they were on tour because they were in such poverty. Oh, a rising group, right? NO. It was one of the biggest fucking Kpop girl groups of the time, Stellar! But even if they were a brand spanking new group, what the fuck.

And why don't they leave? Because they wanna be famous and make music. It’s just that unfortunately, it’s a very saturated industry because the agencies literally just crank out so many idol groups every single year, thus leading to absolutely brutal competition. People are regularly rotated out and replaced within groups. Idol groups are regularly formed or disbanded There's lots of weekly programs and music competitions to see who's the best of the best. You're constantly ranked. You're constantly fighting for the top spot. Lots of Kpop idols have to really fight to get their name remembered or known. The best of the best get reknown internationally.

Okay I'm done with the background now, lol. But you get the jist! The Kpop industry is fucking brutal and needs a good social change. Though now that I've laid out a lot of this, you can kind of get the sense as to where I'm going with this.

Based on every appearance Ember has in the show, we can deduce two things: She hates adults and wants to be remembered.

What are two major problems within Kpop industries? Adults controlling these really young adults (normally freshly 18) trying to break into the industry that's hard to make a truly lasting impression on, that's trying to be remembered.

Ember, if we take her canonical song and the background information provided by interviews, is meant to have died in a fire after being stood up. But I think that she would much better fit as a character who died from the intense social, physical and mental pressures of being a Kpop star. Perhaps a Kpop star that was left forgotten in the crowd of idols, whether it's dying in an accident or suicide.

It’s just me, but I really personally don’t like the canon that she died in a fire because of a boy. It’s just really weak imo, and idk. I don’t like backstories based around a romantic interest like that, especially when it’s so bland. Ember is a fucking dead musician and rock star within canon, and that’s the best you can come up with? She died in a damn fire after a boy stood her up? No mentions that she was into music or something?

Of course, she likely wasn’t famous she died. She likely rose to fame post her death, but that’s still just really? Kind of a headscratcher in a sense? Ember deserves more. The given backstory of her death is literally so? Random imo? Given who she is in death? Unless her entire thing is about how she changed so much in death for a guy, which is kinda Hmm for me. But that’s most of canon lmao.

I feel like this Kpop idol angle would have been a much stronger backstory potential for her. It could paint her as this really hardworking idol, this incredibly talented musician and vocalist who just couldn't make the cut. Maybe she got fired for loving another idol. Perhaps she just wasn't up to the brutal industry standards of being a Kpop idol. It’s a backstory that clearly incorporates her musical talents within her life, and kind of gives her death more of an impact, that gives her more character depth. Whether she’s a perfectionist because of this or has such strong self esteem issues due to the pressures she experienced in life. All of this motivating her to work solely towards her goal, or making her realize that she just really wants to have a more relaxed life and do things like date freely and enjoy the peace and privacy she now likely can have.

Ember's powers would fit really well with this Kpop backstory too She can hypnotize people. Besides Kpop kind of literally hypnotizing a lot of people, it could be shown as a legitimate skill of hers, or something she gained in death as she hoped that she could truly charm an audience into remembering her. She wants to be remembered within canon. No matter the cost or sacrifice. The same kind of sacrifice and price many Kpop idols are forced to make and pay.

It gives her stronger motivations other than just being famous for the sake of being famous or to possibly get that one boy’s attention (? It really depends on your personal take). She wants to be famous to prove herself to a company that worked her to literal death or that basically rejected her, or as a personal dream finally achieved. She now has the power to destroy the adults that likely exploited her as slave labor that maybe made her die in poverty or after being another abuse victim.

To me, it’d help pack a better emotional punch and reasoning as to why she does what she does. Fame has much more meaning to her, it’s personal, losing it again would devastate her. At the end of Fanning the Flames, can you imagine how hysterical she might be if the entire sequence was an unintentional repeat of the events that lead her to her death? Why she’s so specifically disgruntled against adults other than the typical “teenage rebellion” to the point of turning them into slaves in Pirate Radio (which is? fucking wack considering how much better it’d be to use something else). Turning them into slaves just like they would have done to her for years, especially since it’s on exercise equipment. It’d bring personal satisfaction to possibly watch them run or bike or work out until they literally collapse like she might have done before. Then forced back on and continue. Hell, you can even explain as to why she kept her relationship with Skulker an apparent secret: she’s used to have to hiding a boyfriend or risk losing everything.

I would have loved to see her being used as a good social commentary on that industry specifically, but also as a hot take for the abuse that just happens in general too much within the music (and many other fame based industries).

If we're going by canon show airing date, Ember would have popped up right around the time Kpop was really making it's mark on American culture. America got really into Kpop in the mid-2000s and, as you can tell by BTS's popularity, is still going really strong. There's even an entire Wikipedia page about it, the Korean Wave. Whether you want to “modernize” DP or keep it in it's canon air date roots, this would still be a relevant possibility no matter where you personally like DP to fall on the IRL timeline.

While many Kpop stars are in groups, given her possible circumstances, she likely broke off to be a solo artist. If you've ever seen Kpop idol fashion, they're also very colorful! Very fashionable and interesting, and it'd be really cool to see more of that kind of fashion for her. The dances are very good too, well choreographed, and it'd just lead to really interesting possibilities as to how she looks and behaves on her stage.

I dunno man, I just feel like this is a really cool take. My personal take tbh, and I just think more people should think about deceased Kpop idol Ember.