#NOT HER SAYING WHAT THAT MAN PREACHES IS THE SAME AS GRANDMA

[waitingforminjae]

not my mom being a kirk cameron stan

[alizjay]

Trigger Warning: mention of csa

Disclaimer...I don't think I was ever abused by my grandfather. He's just a sick fuck who most likely cheated on my wonderful grandmother god knows how many times in their 60 years of marriage while pretending adore her. He is a dirty misogynist who already had a possible new wife picked out within 10 days of burying my grandma (she rejected him, fyi). He also openly flirts with and demands hugs from almost every female he meets.

My last living grandparent will probably die soon...but I also said the same thing 5 years ago. Ya see, this grandpa that I got is rotten to the core. He loves preaching hellfire when he's not napping with a snore.

He abused his wife and kids and taught his son to do the same. I'm so grateful that I'm married and no longer share his last name.

His loud projecting voice has absolutely zero filter. He appears so sweet and charming til he says something hateful to the hearer.

I realized he was rotten when my other grandpa died. Him and grandma came down to the funeral and the contrast between the 2 grandpas almost made me blind.

It happened when I was only 12. I realized he was just so mean. He'd yell at me for "disrespect" just for making myself seen.

"Women should be seen and not heard," he would say, as he'd hug me too tight making me feel gross all day.

My father grew up with him as his manly role model. That's where he learned to take what was his, even if it was from his own daughter.

So I really don't love you grandpa. And I hope you go to hell...and that the jesus you claim is the only way to heaven will take one look at you and say, "Well...

"where do I begin, old man Duane? Your list of offenses is long! You're a pervert who flirted with anything with boobs and your son touches girls before they're old enough to know it's wrong...

"please get out of my sight, you sick motherfucker. It's eternal torment for you sir. You preached my name loudly and shook your fists proudly but couldn't control yourself when in your pants you felt a stir...

"your grandkids all hate you. Your kids are all afraid of you. I just can't let you into my kingdom. You and your son will be sent on a run so my children up here can have freedom."

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 7

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

----------

At least their purchases were found undamaged. That was a little upside to the disaster of the supervillain attack. Marinette suspected Tikki might’ve had something to do with this, but didn’t comment. Police kept the rope dart as evidence, but they promised to return it as soon as it was possible. Marinette gave Gordon her number (after the commissioner was vouched for by Damian) and number to her mother. It was a possibility that she would’ve been called to court to testify. She was a prime witness and while her involvement declared only self-defense, Gordon told her in all honesty that the lawyer might try to put some blame on her. It was a sad reality, but Damian reassured both his beloved and the commissioner that they would be prepared. Waynes kept a contingent of lawyers not without reason. 

The teens were picked up by Alfred before the press figured out who the mysterious hero of the day was. Marinette really didn’t need more lights on her. It was enough that she agreed to make her relationship with Damian Wayne public at the gala. Objectively, she knew it was a better option than for the press to learn from students of Gotham Academy. Inside, she was dreading the event anyway. 

When they arrived at the manor, Sabine, Tom, and Bruce were waiting for them. The girls launched themselves at the woman and she pulled them into a hug. Damian followed slowly, not revealing any emotions. 

“I received a call from Jim,” Bruce began once they were behind the closed doors, “something about Firefly and brave teens stopping the attack.” He looked at all three of them with a judging glare. It wasn’t that he was disappointed, but it made the teens feel under deep scrutiny.

“It was all me!” Marinette confessed immediately. “He stopped us from escaping and we were with a bunch of kids. I just acted and I might have kinda accidentally… defeated him.” She spoke very fast. 

“Don’t worry, Sweetie. We’re not angry or anything.” Sabine quickly reassured her while sending a glare at Bruce.

“Well… Yes.” The billionaire nodded slowly. “But you could’ve been more careful.”

“Ridiculous!” Chloé stared at the Wayne patriarch. “Utterly ridiculous! Of course, Dupain-Cheng could’ve just run away and left those poor lost kids to die, but she stayed.”

“I didn’t mean…” The man tried to speak, but the blonde ignored him. 

“But no! Mr. Batman thinks that suddenly protecting others without the suit is somehow wrong. I didn’t see you on the scene at all. There was Red Hood, but he arrived there only after Mari already took out that flying pyromaniac.”

“I just…”

“So don’t go off on us preaching safety when you have your kids running on the rooftops every night.” 

“But…” Bruce had no idea what just happened. He only wanted to congratulate them…

“I did get all the fabrics I will need, but we didn’t get to eat.” Mari decided to change the subject and spare her father-in-law further humiliation at Chloé’s hands.

“The lunch will be ready in five minutes. You can take it in the dining room.” Alfred spoke from behind Bruce, startling the poor billionaire. It was apparently not his day. 

When the group moved there and took their seats, joined by Cass, who was the only other permanent resident of the Manor, Marinette decided on the next subject. 

“And how did the Class trip go?” She asked her mother with a bright smile. The woman sent her a tired look in response. 

“They are monsters. I sympathize with their parents if that’s how they act every day…” 

“They can’t be that bad, love.” Tom tried to defend the kids, but several stares from around the room would kill him if it was possible. “I meant can. My English is bad. I meant can.” He raised his hands in surrender.

“That Lila girl is indeed a talented manipulator when she is not going overboard. If I didn’t know her, I might’ve actually fallen for her lies. And she even doesn’t resort to lies anymore.” 

“What?!” Marinette was glad that she only got the lunch served and didn’t yet eat anything. “No way!” 

“Yes. It looks like she established herself as an internet star to the point where she is somewhat famous.” 

“Tt. She is still a harlot.” Damian muttered loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“The modeling for the Gabriel brand and Ladyblog. Outside of Paris, it would make her into a star of some internet super-hero show in addition to a front-page model!” Marinette was suddenly enlightened. “I can’t believe her lies actually worked!” She collapsed in her chair, resigned. “Guess lying did work for her in the end…” Her face took a look of a beaten puppy.

“Say a word, Angel, and we can make you into three times the star she might be,” Damian spoke and Chloé nodded in agreement. 

“It’s not that!” The bluenette tried to protest. “I just… Her lies hurt people. I told her that it wouldn’t work in the long run, and she proved me wrong ten times over…” 

“Lila… bad.” Cass frowned. “Hurt Nettie.”

“Cass…” The girl tried to say something, but her cousin continued.

“I will… hurt Lila.” She stated confidently. 

“No!” Marinette protested. “I’ve got enough trouble stopping Damian and my mom!” 

“She is bad,” Cass stated confidently. 

“Cassandra.” Bruce glared at his daughter, but before he could explain things to her, Sabine intervened. 

“Sweetie, I appreciate you wanting to help Mari, but we must also respect her wishes. Even if I already have a place chosen… Never mind.” She smiled brightly before anyone questioned her. 

The whole table exploded into laugher while Damian and Cass smiled wider than usual. It was just such… a familial scene. Like they weren’t a bunch of superheroes, but a happy family. Even if the talk was about murder. 

----------

In a dark, damp room two people stood opposite one another. The male figure had a dark purple suit with the signature butterfly brooch pinned to the top of the shirt. His chest was protected by two black flaps that looked a bit like the moth wings. In his black gloves, he held a cane topped with a purple orb. The face was covered by a simple domino mask that did nothing to hide the mane of blonde hair on top of his head. 

On the opposite was a woman in a dark-blue dress that hugged her figure very tightly. The clothing ended barely above her bust, continuing with a sparkly net that was almost translucent. From under the cut starting just below the belt, her legs were also visible and covered in the same sparkly net. The blue/purple of her skin clashed slightly with the dress, but the sparkles of the fancy net managed to offset it to the point it was barely noticeable. Her deep-blue hair was pinned back into a rather messy bun with two long strands framing her face.

“Are you sure?” The young man asked. 

“Don’t worry,” she dismissed. “My grandma reassured me that this is perfectly safe. Besides, it’s too late to stop now.” She grinned and pointed her folded fan at the ground. When she unfolded it, several candles lit with pink flames, bathing the room in an eerie light. The light reached to three bodies laid in circles drawn with their blood. The two figures in the center were also in a runic circle. 

“The bond will not interfere with my Princess?”

“Whatever that vile American did to her must have hurt her badly. You do want to save her and lift the curse, right?” She grinned when there was a new fire in his eyes. “And I told you about my demands.”

“I’m still not convinced.” He glared at her. “And I told your grandfather that his demands are ridiculous.” 

“They are my demands.” She corrected him in an amused voice. “If you don’t want my help…” 

“Fine. I will do it.” He suddenly closed the distance between them until they were face to face. “But don’t even try to trick me. I’ll know and I will end you. Nothing will stop me from getting what I want.” 

In response, she gave him a quick peck on the lips. Immediately, the boy recoiled. She just licked her lips. “Whatever you want, beloved.”

“Ugh. Let’s just get done with this.” 

The candles went out one by one when the female chanted in Latin. When the twelfth and last one died out, the room was once more dark. Then, the runes lit and red light enveloped both of them. She reached to the center and grabbed a small goblet. After taking a sip, she handed it to the boy. 

He hesitated for a moment, but then also took a sip. They were both enveloped in deep scarlet light until it died out and both of them fell unconscious on the ground.

----------

Marinette and Chloé had to go with the class for the next trip, which was to the Botanic Garden. Damian and surprisingly Cass also joined them. And this was how the class almost signed their death warrant and handed it to Sabine. 

As soon as the guide started speaking about various plants they had there, Alya and Lila started gossiping in the back. 

“...told you she was a…”

“...I can’t believe he would…”

“...and that black-haired…”

“If it was up to…”

“I bet she just…”

“Maybe it’s a thing here?” 

Finally, Sabine had enough. She asked the guide for a five minutes break to rein in the misbehaving group. Caline tried to protest, but she was silenced when the older woman looked her in the eyes with fires of fury. 

“Listen up, because I’m not going to be repeating myself.” She started. “Cassandra is my niece, who lives in Gotham. By a lucky turn of events, she turned out to know Damian and agreed to accompany me and Marinette today.” She glared at every student in the group. Sabine noted that Alix stood alone in the back, separate from Max and Kim. “She is a precious little bean and if any of you dare to say anything bad about her again without even trying to talk to her first, I will personally see to it that your trip will be very-” She made sure to put emphasis on the word “-unpleasant. And if you even think about hounding her, I will see you suspended.”

“Now… Sabine, I think you’re…” Madame Bustier tried to defuse the situation.

“Caline. It is, and always will be for you, Madame Cheng. I’m on this trip to make sure they behave. If you’re not going to help me, try not to make my job harder than it already is.” She huffed and looked back at the class. “Am I understood?”

Several barely audible “Yes” could’ve been heard if someone tried hard enough. 

“Good for now.” Sabine looked at their guide. “I’m sorry I had to interrupt.” 

“No worries Mrs. Cheng.” The woman chuckled. “Anyone who tries to badmouth Cassandra or anyone from her family deserves your wrath.” 

“Good. We can continue.” And so the group moved on. 

Lila decided to change the subject of her lies and now kept talking about how good friends she was with Damian Wayne, or rather her Damiboo. It was clear that their guide wanted to add something, but Marinette’s boyfriend made a gesture to stop him. The grin on his face made it clear he had different plans.

After they finished the trip, the class was placed in the bus with Sabine while Damian and the girls were left free to wander around. Some tried to protest, but one murderous glare from Madame Cheng shut them up hard. 

“Why Marinette and Chloé are allowed to wander around with some boy, while we are confined to the Hotel!?” Kim protested. 

“Yeah! Lila can’t even meet her boyfriend!”

“It’s simple.” Sabine cut them off. “Marinette and Chloé are staying with Damian’s family, which is their host family for this trip. You will be meeting your host families after the new year.” She couldn’t stop herself from rubbing some more salt into Lila’s wound. She might be an adult, but it doesn’t stop her from being petty sometimes. Especially when someone decides to speak badly about her favorite (and hopefully only) niece. “If your… Damiboo was missing you so much, you could’ve asked him to invite you. Cassandra said he is attending Gotham Academy. I’m sure he would love to have you stay with him at Wayne Penthouse.” 

“Oh! He did want me so badly with them, but we agreed that it would be better for me to get to know some of his friends.” Lila answered quickly and Damian had to stiffen a groan. How could someone be so dense? 

“Suuure.” Sabine grinned. “Then please don’t complain about the situation of your own making.” It was clear that the discussion was over. Damian, Marinette, Chloé, and Cass were left to their own device. 

“Chlo, I love you like the best friend you are,” Mari started when they were alone, “but Damian’s got a date planned. So bye!” She said before running off with her husband, leaving the flabbergasted blonde and the noirette alone.

“Ice cream?” Cass pleaded.

“Fine. I guess I can hang out with you then.” 

“Ice Cream!” The other girl almost jumped in the air. 

----------

The couple walked through the gardens in silence, holding hands and enjoying the cool air around them. The temperature was warmer than outside, but still rather frosty. Marinette, feeling bolder, dragged Damian’s hand down slightly and pulled him closer to her. She cuddled into his shoulder and smiled. After dealing with the class, it was nice to have some peace, only the two of them. 

“So…” She started with a grin. “Wayne penthouse?”

“Tt. For your information, it’s where Drake and Brown live.”

“But Damiboo! You wound me! And I thought we could stay there together.” Marinette did her best Lila impression. 

He tried to scowl, but the end result was an unholy mix between scowling and grinning. 

They wandered around, laughing at occasional jokes and generally enjoying the time. At some point, Marinette dragged him to a hot-dog cart to enjoy what she called a ‘taste of America’. He couldn’t help but smile at some of her antics. They stopped for some coffee to rest their legs. He allowed her to talk most of the time, listening to all the details of her new outfit for Jagged Stone. 

“...so I decided to replace half of the usual silver studs with golden ones. Or rather gold-colored. He doesn’t actually like the wealth display that much and is all for replacing it with cheaper ones. When his producer one time tried to force me to make him everything with the actual gold, Jagged signed it and immediately donated it to The Gotham Orphanage.”

“I remember.” Damian’s memory flashed him an article about it. “And don’t be modest. It held your signature too.” 

“Well… He wanted to throw it to Fang first. It was so much not his style.” She smiled. “Bob almost had a stroke when he learned that he still had to pay for it full price. I think it was actually the first commission I accepted that was not priced like clothes for friends. I did deduce the cost of materials that he provided though.” 

“Habibti. You’re amazing.” 

She blushed at the compliment. “I’m not! I’m just a normal girl.” 

“An amazing normal girl.” 

“How can you be so smooth and so socially awkward at the same time?!” She squeaked.

“Because people are fools. You are perfection incarnated.”

“Stop it!” She giggled. “I’m not! I’m clumsy and awkward.”

“It doesn’t stop you from being perfect.” He countered. Before she could protest, he lifted a cookie and put it in her mouth. She bit it and munched it in silence. When she swallowed, he continued feeding her. In retaliation, she picked some whipped cream and gave it to him. They ended up feeding one another and laughing.

It was slowly getting dark, so they started walking toward where Alfred would pick them up. They still had some time, so Mari dragged Damian into the music store. There was a whole stand for Jagged Stone discs. 

Marinette, feeling devious, pulled out a marker and signed two before handing it to Damian. He thought for a short moment before making a small heart next to her name and putting down his autograph too. They hid the discs behind others and moved on. In the end, Marinette bought some ballet music for Cass that Damian told her she didn’t have yet. The bluenette liked her cousin and wanted to get her something for ditching her with Chloé

When they exited the store, Alfred was waiting there, ready to take them to the Manor. The two sat in the back of the limousine in silence, cuddled together. By the time they arrived at their destination, Marinette had dozed off. Not having the heart to wake her, Damian did his best to gently lift her and carry her to her room. Somewhere along the way, she clutched to him tightly and didn’t let go even when he placed her on the four-poster bed. He sighed. He didn’t know if he would survive the teasing he would receive after someone finds them. Scratch that. Sabine would kill him before that. 

Still, he would have to wake her up. With one more look to make sure the doors were closed, he lied next to her and stared up. He could at least stay awake, right?

-------------

Masterlist // Next

[akp-1327]

dear diary // chapter ten

Auditions have arrived...O_o

Fair warning, I don’t know much about drama...anything? So I did a bunch of research from the original books, websites, and friends with experience...so let me know if any of this is inaccurate!

Also...hello! It’s been waaaaaay way way too long since the last update, but I’m beyond happy to be back! :)

As always, find the series masterlist here (Tumblr) or here (AO3) to catch up! :)

Pairings: Ajay Bhandari x f!MC (Charlotte Parker), Skye Crandall x f!OC (Leila Maciel)

Word Count: 6.5k

(*) Warnings: the briefest mention of dementia, otherwise there’s just a roller coaster of emotions in this chapter!

After one of the fastest weeks known to man, it was the day that classes started

This morning was all too familiar; the sudden remembrance of signing up for the morning classes, then the curse as I woke up with the sun. However, it was comforting to have this routine again. It made me feel normal, which had been a feeling I missed all summer back at Dad’s.

Walking to class on days like these, where the sun was warm and the sky was clear, had been another thing I missed. Birds chirping, the light foot traffic around campus, the smell of coffee wafting on the light breeze...

I could only think of how many hours spent pouring over the script for The Enchanted Kingdom. There were also points where Rory physically had to tear me away from the script to get outside, which to say, was not a task he succeeded at...

“C’mon! It’ll be fun! We can go find you some new blazers or something, since you insist on wearing them all the time.” Rory was slowly easing a highlighter from my hand. I gave him a death glare and he backed away, “At least take a break? You’ve been hunched here for hours.”

After a pointed look into his eyes, I focused my attention back on the script in front of me.

“I’m completely fine. Also, while I would love to get a few new blazers, I don’t have the time right now.” My voice was rough. I hadn’t been able to sleep much or eat anything but instant ramen for the past couple days. Though, I was feeling adventurous this morning and drank a piping hot cup of coffee. That felt like it did the trick, at least for a good while...until I fell asleep on my script for an hour or so. Ever since then, my eyes have been pretty droopy.

“Just let me be, Rory.”

Without another word, Rory sighed and left with a frown.

...was I a jerk that day? Maybe. But that was my nature; I’m a director and I’m supposed to be that way.

Another drift of wind caught the unbuttoned flannel I wore. Flannel was definitely a go-to right now, especially since all my blazers were much too warm for this kind of weather. Also, who knows who I’ll see?

I adjusted the backpack on my shoulders with a heavy sigh and tightened my grip on the straps. Something about today felt different from first days of class in the past. Could it be how nice the weather was today? It’d been raining on the first day for the past two years...

Maybe it was about where I was going? Performance Theory wasn’t the most interesting thing on the planet, but it was also something I’d taken the past two years. By now, it was something to wake me up in the morning. So why would that make me feel weird?

I shook the feeling away and continued to walk at a relaxed pace, focusing on something else.

Naturally, my eyes traced over campus. A big group of students laughing in the shade of a tall maple tree, a few couples walking shoulder to shoulder, and many stragglers like me with their textbooks in hand.

The environment was serene, and it was definitely one I enjoyed. The long summer of renting out that spare room at Dad’s apartment was, at last, something I didn’t need to worry about for a while. Or...ever again, now that I’ve visited Amma.

Maybe that was the feeling? Amma looked so happy to see me, and so did Mo. I guess I missed them more than I thought...

My feet fell onto a familiar path towards the arts building. I was almost there; only a few more steps and a small staircase until the doors--

“Ajay!” A voice shouted from behind me, making my eyes roll. I fought the urge to keep walking and just ignore them, but I knew that’d be a bad choice with who this was.

Craaaaaap.

“Danielle.” I greeted through gritted teeth. I turned around to face her. “Hello.”

She gave her normal maniacal grin, creepy as always.

“Auditions are tonight, yeah?” She asked, and then held up her already battered script for me to see. There was bright yellow, green, and pink post-its peeking out from the pages. She’d always been dedicated to her auditions...but she just couldn’t execute.

Honestly? That was okay. She was an alright person for ensemble roles because she’d been a good dancer. But that doesn’t mean she was a great actor.

“They are, so make sure to be at the auditorium by four.” I sounded a little annoyed, but Danielle was oblivious. She wouldn’t notice; even if she did, she wouldn’t care. “Don’t be late, otherwise I’ll make sure you can’t audition.”

Her eyes widened a little, but otherwise that annoying smile still stretched across her face. Ugh, absolutely obnoxious.

“I won’t let you down! Oh, and tell Rory to save me a seat!” Danielle said before walking away with a wave. Once she was out of sight, I rolled my eyes with a shudder and started walking to class again.

*

*

As expected, classes were already boring. One lecture after another, going through all those stupid, stereotypical ice breaker games. Your name, your birthday, your major, your entire life plan...

I didn’t have another class until noon, and that was about an hour and a half from now. To pass the time, I decided to pull out my script. The sun reflected off the white paper and instantly obliterated my retinas, so with a watery blink, I looked away and tucked it back into place in my backpack, vowing to look at it later.

There was...nothing left for me to do.

Wait, is this what people call a break? This is what breathing feels like? Wow, this is so surreal...

Something about the moment just felt wrong. I shouldn’t be idle like this.

Students were laughing as they walked by. I recognized a few of them, but only by their faces. Some I recognized from past classes, others from past ensembles, a few from Lafayette...

Then, though, I found a familiarity within the group.

Erin.

“Ajay,” Erin smiled, looking relaxed as she sat next to me, “didn’t expect to see you sitting here.”

I gave her an eye roll. “Is it...illegal?”

Her loud laugh drew the attention of people around. “In the book of Ajay, it definitely is. It’s almost concerning to see you so calm on audition day.”

So it was noticeable. Huh. Immediately, my posture straightened and I crossed my legs, prompting Erin to laugh a little.

“I guess it’s just weird coming from you. I’m not a drama nerd, but I know this isn’t how directors normally act when they’re hours away from auditions.” She slowly turned to face me before continuing. “Anyway, what brings you to this bench?” 

Her voice was surprisingly even. She looked like she’d been doing a lot better, but I could still see the sadness and exhaustion in her eyes. Erin had always been extremely resilient and level-minded, but even she could only handle so much stress at once. 

“My next class is at noon so I figured I’d sit for a little while.”

Almost immediately, she sighed. “Preach. I have psych, so I’m in for a treat.”

Then, silence. It was thick, deafening, excruciating...I quickly wracked my brain for a question to get rid of it. Her confession about her grandma came up, then so did something else.

I hated to bring it up, but my mind wouldn’t forgive me if I chose something else to talk about.

“Erin, what happened to your grandpa?”

The question was met with another sigh, but this one was heavier. Regret already plagued my brain, but it was too late now. Nice job, Ajay.

“Let me guess, Rory told you?” Her expression wasn’t much different, but it definitely solidified into a more serious one than before.

“Yeah, on the first day back. With your grandma and all, I was wondering if they were both...”

Before she spoke again, she took a deep breath. “No, no. You’re right to wonder. It’s nothing concerning, though. He just didn’t like the idea of being separated from my grandma while she gets treatment, and so he let out a lot of his frustrations on me in an argument a few days before I came here. Said he didn’t like everyone he loved leaving him,” she shrugged, shaking her head, “I called Rory afterwards, since his parents were the same way when he left for college, and that ended up being a three hour-long conversation.”

I nodded when she took a break, and in that moment, I wondered how she worked through this. It was terrible, especially when her family was so far away.

“It hurt when I left this time, of course, but I think it’s good for me to get away from them for a while. I just need some space to process everything.” She shook her head, almost like she was shaking the thoughts away. Instead, she changed the topic. “Did Rory say something bad happened to my grandpa?”

Another nod, and Erin clicked her tongue.

“Rory was just being a gossip like always, then. Pops is just adjusting,” A genuine smile came back to her face, which was always reassuring. “So, I heard you went to your mom’s house? How was that?”

I groaned. “Can we talk about something else?”

She laughed loudly and, again, prompted lots of attention to our bench. “That great, huh?”

I sighed. The weird feeling from earlier came back, slowly eating away at my thoughts once more.

Erin quirked an eyebrow. “You’re making a face.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, challenging her gaze. “I always make a face. Everyone makes a face. It’d be concerning if someone didn’t make a face.”

That answer only made her eyes narrow even more.

“You’re rambling,” With this realization, she looked me over, “are you...okay? You never ramble.”

I could feel my leg start to bounce. “I can assure you that I’m fine.”

She hummed loudly, and I noticed my hands were starting to sweat a little.

“Add that to the pile of other lies you’ve been telling Rory for the past week. He’s been keeping me in the loop since, y’know, you never text me,” her elbow nudged my arm with a force that made me let out an uncharacteristic squeak, “so I’m sorry, but I’m not buying any of that crap. I can easily tell something’s bugging you.”

“I’m just stressed and on edge for tonight. That’s all.” Was all I could say. Knowing Erin, she wouldn’t take that as a viable answer.

“You’re never on edge for auditions. You say it’s one of the most laid back parts of the process...” Erin’s voice was accusative. She could see right through me. Sadly, that had always been one of her talents.

“Sometimes auditions are easy, but this isn’t one of those times,” I heaved a loud sigh and rested my chin on my ever-so-slowly tightening fist, “It’s a big cast, and so that a lot of decisions need to be made.”

Erin was quiet for a second. I could hear her drumming her fingers against the cover of her textbook softly, and then she spoke. “Sure, I get that part, but you’re off, too.”

I whipped my head towards her and found a teasing smile growing on her lips. “How so?”

She cocked her head to the side and playfully squinted. “You’re not wearing a blazer, for one,” she was keeping a tally on her fingers, “you’re too relaxed, you’re bouncing your crossed legs, your posture is super straight, you’re rambling, you’re defensive, you’re even a little jumpy...”

I slouched back down at the mention, and this only made her smirk grow into a full-blown grin. “You’ve been pretty quiet about the show, too. By now, I’d usually hear you going on and on about them like a proud grandma.”

“Erin--”

“Oh, this scene will be so interesting to choreograph, and this scene will bring an audience to tears, and even this--” Erin’s voice was mocking. Of course she was fairly accurate, but it still got on my nerves.

“Okay, I get it,” A helpless sigh escaped me, and she had that knowing look in her eye that made me want to gag.

“What’s up with you?” Erin laughed, narrowing her eyes a little in curiosity. “Don’t leave a poor girl in suspense!”

The truth was something I could barely admit to myself. It was the thought of a feeling I never, ever wanted to experience again. Heartbreak.

“Ajay, you’re blushing...” Erin was smiling now.

And then it hit me. All hope was lost when she covered her mouth and squealed. I’ve never, ever blushed in front of her.

“Ooooohhhhh, do you like someone?” Erin started to cheer. I opened my mouth to stop her from getting too loud, but she was already squealing again. There was no stopping the stares from the passing students now. “Oh. My. God! And that someone is making you nervous, right?”

I grimaced, the reminder of why I kept quiet surfacing for the millionth time. People always make a big deal out of your feelings, so that’s why you never show any emotion.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t--” The heat sweltered on my cheeks, and I knew it was still visible when Erin clapped. She looked so relieved while I wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole.

“Oh, I called it! I so called it!”

I looked up at her and found her grinning with some emotion I couldn’t quite place. She looked like she was about to scream! “Erin, if you tell anyone, I swear to any and every deity in this damn universe--”

“Anyone does not include Rory. He needs to know!” Erin said excitedly.

“He does not need to know! That information is not on a need-to-know basis!”

And he’ll know exactly who it is!

“Ajay! This is awesome! It’s been so long since you liked someone!”

Awesome? Awesome?

“Awesome is one of the last words I’d use.” I could practically feel the blush on my cheeks slowly burn me from the outside in; it made me wonder if there were actual flames dancing on my skin. “They might be auditioning. I...can’t let something like that distract me from the show. You know what happened with Kelly.”

Finally, Erin let her smile turn into something more composed.

“That was two years ago. Plus, not to mention, it was with a girl who was as blind as a bat.” Erin lifted a hand onto my shoulder and patted it gently, “You’ve changed since then, so I think it’s safe for you to let that fear go.”

“I know I’ve changed,” I was basically whispering at this point, “but I guess I’m just...”

She patted my shoulder again. “You’re scared.”

Before I could bite my tongue, I blurted, “Terrified.”

She sat in silence for a minute, but then, that sly grin of hers was back. “Well, then.”

“What do I do?”

Erin placed her hands on my shoulders. “One of the healthiest ways to overcome a fear is through exposure therapy. So, maybe...you could tell me who they are?”

I searched her eyes, and much like her grin, all I found was warmth. It was the warmth that’d been missing from Erin since we’d arrived on campus. It was nice to see her start to heal from her summer and return to her normal self.

Still, I blurted the one word on my tongue. “No.”

She sighed, but she couldn’t stop smiling. “Ugh, fine. But just build the courage up sooner rather than later, please? I don’t handle anticipation very well and I’d very much like to know who made you this way.”

My eyebrows shot up. “You think I’m ready for that?”

Erin stood up, suddenly, and laughed. “That’s up for you to decide. Though, from an outsider’s perspective, I think you would’ve been just fine two years ago.”

Her gaze went soft for a second, but it was gone before I could decipher more. “Anywho, text me if you need help asking this mystery person out. You know I’d be happy to help!”

She was off with a sly wink before I could retort, already whipping her phone out to text Rory. Even if I didn’t want that to happen, I smiled.

*

*

My noon class was both a bore and a nightmare. Calculus was all gibberish - well, all math was - so I did my best to not pay attention to the professor. I needed to keep my head screwed on straight for later, so instead, I focused on reading through the script and notes I added in the margins. It ended up being quite nice, actually.

After the class spawned from the fiery depths of hell finished, I had a quick lunch consisting of a pack of rainbow goldfish crackers and hurried across campus to my next class.

Theatre arts was the perfect class for today, especially with it being audition night. Prime location and a great way to get back into the swing of things.

When I arrived, the auditorium entrance was buzzing with people. The drama building has never been a popular destination during the day, so what gives? Were auditions really something special this year?

Among the many faces, I spotted Rory, Skye, Leila, and Charlotte all huddled around a bulletin board on the front lawn. From the looks of it, they were...arguing, I suppose.

“...but wait! Skye, you’re good with computers!” Leila gasped, pointing at whatever was pinned on the board. “There are still tech spots available! And there isn’t an audition necessary for them.”

I watched Skye shake her head. Her hair was down, per usual, and she looked uptight. That was normal for her. But she also looked anxious when her eyes were looking at the bulletin board.

“Leila, you never need to audition for a tech spot,” Charlotte sighed, shaking her head, “can we please just let Skye make her own decision?”

“But there always needs to be more tech people! And it’d be fun to have another friend be at rehearsals.” Rory was pleading. He looked at Skye like she was his saving grace. “Please, Skye?”

It wasn’t an exaggeration at how small the tech crew was. Everyone in the drama program wants to act, not do tech. So, if anyone in the cast or crew heard about another tech, they’d jump at the opportunity and recruit them.

Skye gave everyone a look of dismay, then before she spoke, her eyes met mine.

“Ajay,” Skye said loudly, waving me closer. I hurried over and became apart of the huddle, and somehow fate was nice enough to put me next to Charlotte. “Does the drama program need more tech people?”

She was about to hate my guts.

“There’s never enough of them,” Memories of failing to do sound board last year flooded my mind, “don’t mind me asking, but would you be willing to give it a shot?”

That’s what made Skye groan. “Ugggg, you too?”

Her response made Leila laugh, but that was the only sound before a few moments of complete silence.

Finally, Skye sighed in defeat. “Depends. I’ll have to see what the software looks like first.”

I’ll take that as a yes...for now.

“Auditions are--” I started, but then Skye rolled her eyes.

“If I hear about auditions being tonight one more time, I swear...” Skye said, a hint of a smirk coming onto her face as she started to laugh. That was different, too; I don’t think I’ve ever heard her actual laugh.

“So does that mean you’ll do it?” Rory asked eagerly.

Skye smiled; it was small, but it was genuine. All the anxiety in her eyes vanished. “We’ll see.”

“Don’t feel forced to, though!” Charlotte squeaked, her voice cracking a little. “There are plenty of techs out there--”

“No! Don’t you dare rub her the wrong way!” Rory exclaimed, making Charlotte giggle.

It was cute. That thought alone made me blush a little.

Then, Leila gasped, her eyes widening in panic.

“Oh crap! I have to go!” Leila yelled, checking her phone. I decided to check my watch, and it read that it was almost two. Then she piped up again. “Skye, wanna walk with me?”

Skye let out a soft, surprised gasp. Her cheeks visibly reddened against her pale skin as she nodded.

“Sure,” Skye said, clearing her throat, “uh, maybe I’ll see you guys later,” she waved, allowing Leila to quickly drag her away by the arm, “jeez, lady, slow down--”

“Bye guys!” Leila yelled over her shoulder, then disappeared with Skye down the sidewalk and into a crowd of students.

Rory was the first one to speak, looking right at Charlotte. “Let me guess, you gotta go to the drama building?”

She nodded. “Whoa...it’s almost like I told you that when I got here...”

The two kept joking around as we started to walk into the building, but I kept thinking about what Erin had said about forgetting the whole Kelly situation. It felt like a great idea, but I couldn’t shake away all the fear associated with it.

It was another one of those things that’d eat away at my brain, but I guess that’d be okay. There wasn’t anything I could do about it now...

*

*

Theatre Arts wasn’t as boring as usual, but it was definitely a lot more chaotic. Commands for props here, calls for help with setting the lights up over there, and somewhere in between, lots of laughing coming from Charlotte and Rory.

It looked like Charlotte was blushing from here, but I couldn’t exactly tell. She and Rory were on the complete opposite side of the auditorium.

Professor Olson and I were skimming through the lists we had in front of us. It was hard to focus on the character descriptions I’ve read a gazillion times when I heard Charlotte’s vivacious laugh in the background.

“Alright,” Olson said, sounding exhausted already, “I’ve had some people hang posters around campus, so this shouldn’t be a hard place to find. Hopefully we get some new faces around here...”

Instantly, I looked over to Charlotte, still laughing at something Rory had said. Her smile brightened tenfold when she met my gaze, and she eagerly waved. With a small smile, I shook my head and looked back at Olson.

“That shouldn’t be too much of an issue,” I pulled out the form with all the auditionees on it and pointed to her name, “Charlotte Parker. Freshman.”

He nodded quizzically. “Anything unique about her?”

A lot, my brain immediately responded, though I shook the thought away.

“She performed at the Spotlite festival in London as a lead a few years back,” The professor’s eyebrows shot up, “and her school won. So I’d say she’s a pretty strong contender tonight.”

The fact that she was auditioning made me feel like I’d been punched in the gut by the universe. Exactly what I wished to not happen...happened. Though, at the same time, I couldn’t help but be a little excited to see what she could do on stage.

“That’s quite the accomplishment. Is there anyone else you know?”

As we ran through the list once more, a few names stuck out like sore thumbs; Rory, Danielle, Natalie, Clint, Jordan, and some frequents I’ve seen over the past couple years.

What finally tore my attention from the conversation was a gleeful scream.

“Skye!”

Charlotte. Duh.

Then, rushed footsteps up the aisle and towards the doors. A collision, then a groan of “why”. My guess: there was a hug and it’d been extremely one-sided.

That was Skye, alright.

Wait, my thoughts started to jumble together in panic, it’s already four?

Sure enough, I checked my watch. It was already a quarter til four.

“I hope you’re ready. It looks like this’ll be a long one.” Olson gestured back to the doors where Skye and Charlotte had still been talking. Several people were starting to flood into the seats, all with scripts in hand, and began to mingle.

“Jesus,” I mumbled.

As the start time approached, I got a little more nervous when thinking about the inevitable crashing and burning of this show if I let my feelings come before my job as a director.

Then, a loud timer rang off of Olson’s phone. He leaned over and whispered. “Show time.”

*

*

“Next, please!”

Already an hour in and we’d only made it through half of the list.

Jordan was on stage and running through their lines. They had a great way of controlling their emotions, but it all felt a little bland. However, it could’ve quite possibly been the scene they chose; a scene of the princess or prince daydreaming about the knight. 

I knew it’d be a popular scene for auditions; it really goes into the character of the princess or prince by going through ranges of emotion, from happiness and love to humiliation and regret. The scene is extremely captivating and is a great choice for actors to showcase the abilities they could bring to the table if they got the role. 

What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was the majority of the people auditioning for the role to use the same exact scene. Especially Jordan, who was usually someone who chose scenes that’d be risky for others. 

Strange.

“Alright, thank you, Jordan.” Professor Olson said, composed as ever. It took him a few moments to finish writing in notes next to Jordan’s name, but then he finished and glanced at the auditionee list. “Next, I’d like to see Danielle. Start whenever you’re ready.”

My eyes rolled. She scampered up onto the stage, script in hand, and started with a completely different tone than the millions of other scenes we’d heard. I quickly searched for the passage she’d been reading from in the never-ending stack of papers on the table.

She was reading for the witch, surprisingly enough. Her voice was startlingly dark. It was deep, it was evil, it was rich, it was...what we’d been looking for in a witch. However, her downfall was the lack of control over her emotions.

“Alright, Danielle, thank you.” Olson held up his hand, jotting a quick note down next to her name. Voice: dark, brooding, menacing. Emotions: uncontrolled.

During the transition, I took a glance back at the list to see who’d be next, and my heart stopped. It’s like I couldn’t feel it beat in my chest; it’d felt like it stopped entirely-

“Kelly, whenever you’re ready.”

My eyes snapped up to the stage, and there she stood. For the most part, she’d been the same Kelly I fell for two years ago, but this time, I didn’t get the butterflies in my stomach. Instead, the sight made me a little uneasy. Obviously it wasn’t her appearance, because that was the same, but her very presence.

The only feelings I had were irritation and sorrow and cowardice and regret--

“Ajay, are you ready?” Olson asked. The room was silent, and so I realized they’d been waiting on me.

“Oh. Um, yeah, go ahead.” My voice was rushed, but I barely noticed as the nostalgic feeling of her chocolate brown eyes burning into my being washed over me. It didn’t make me nervous like it used to, nor did it render me speechless.

“Right. Um.” Kelly said anxiously, fiddling with her script before she started to repeat the average line for the prince and princess roles. I noticed that her voice had the same lilt, but something didn’t feel right with it. 

It’s not for the right character, that’s why.

I tapped Olson’s shoulder and pointed to another character on the list, watching as he nodded.

“Kelly,” He interrupted her mid-sentence, and a look of fear glazed her eyes, “have you read over any lines for the witch?”

She shook her head, the look of fear melting into one of utter confusion.

“Flip back a page in your script and choose a line from the witch, then read it as you see fit. Take your time.”

I was so happy Olson was the one doing all the talking. I’d probably just tell her to move on at this point.

After a few moments, Kelly nodded and took a deep breath. Much like Danielle, she had the sharp undertones we’d been looking for, but they weren’t as clear as Danielle’s. Kelly, though, did have more control over her emotions.

I never thought I’d find myself saying this, but I hoped Danielle would have more advantages over Kelly. I just didn’t want to work with her again, not after what happened.

“Alright, Kelly, we’ll consider you for both options. Thank you.” 

At this point, Olson sounded exhausted beyond belief.

Kelly left the stage with a nod. My eyes met hers just before she vanished, and there was some emotion in them that I couldn’t quite place. Guilt, annoyance, confusion...I really didn’t know.

When she left the stage completely, it felt like there was a heavy weight lifted off of my shoulders.

“Well...let’s see here...” Olson mumbled under his breath, taking a sip of his coffee before he pointed down at one last list of names. “Only a few more left. How’re we looking?”

There’d been several great candidates for each role; this was always great, since then we’d have understudies and members for a complete ensemble.

“Like we’ll have some decisions to make, for sure,” I ran a hand through my hair as I read through the notes I made for each auditionee, “especially for a few of our veteran actors.”

It was true. Some were better for other roles, some didn’t have the strength or spark they did last year, some were improving...

“People change, scripts change, expectations change. It’s just a new journey to start,” When the exhausted professor smiled, the faintest purple bags beneath his eyes deepened, “and new journeys require a fresh and open mind.”

*

*

Somehow, Charlotte was the last to audition. When she was called to the stage, it was almost eight. Everyone in the house seats looked like they wanted to go home.

A familiar fluttering in my stomach appeared when she looked at me from beneath the stage lights. She looked like she’d been in her element, her smile shimmering and her eyes sparkling as she looked around at the red velvet seats in front of her. The script she held was neat and shook a bit, but her resolve remained calm and composed.

A good stage presence, I noted.

“Alright, Charlotte, because you’re new, do you have any questions I can answer before you start?” Olson’s voice gave way to his fatigue from asking the same question all evening, but Charlotte shook her head.

“All of my questions were answered throughout the evening,” She smiled, her voice smooth, “but if I have any, I’ll be sure to ask.”

That was an answer that made Olson blink in surprise. He wasn’t someone to be speechless, but those few seconds were definitely silent. It was clear she’d impressed him with just a sentence.

I definitely know the feeling...

“Excellent, so I believe you’re ready to go,” Olson wrote a few notes on his paper, then looked back up, “any specific role you’re auditioning for, or are you open to any?”

Charlotte cleared her throat and glanced at me before she focused on Olson once more. Her posture visibly straightened.

“I’d be open to any role. Lead, understudy, or ensemble.”

Jeez, she really does carry herself well.

“Sounds good...” After another scribbled note, Olson waved at her to continue. “Alright, whenever you’re ready.”

Her shoulders rose with a deep breath and she closed her eyes. It stayed that way for a second, and I couldn’t help but continue to admire her. It took strength to be that calm in front of a crowd.

She’s looks so natural up there, almost like that stage was built for her...

When her eyes opened, it’s like she’d transformed into an entirely new person. Her expression radiated innocence and her eyes filled with life, even more so than usual.

Then, she started to speak from a scene we hadn’t heard at all today. It was one where the prince or princess would come across the witch for the first time; this was a powerful and somewhat challenging scene, as the actor needed to portray multiple emotions at once while still keeping themselves under a neutral mask.

A minute passed, and then two, and then maybe even three. I had no idea. But, what I did know for sure, was that her acting was out of this world.

From what she’d put forth so far, it looked like she’d barely broken a sweat. Her voice was perfect and her control on her emotions was even better. She wasn’t overconfident, but calm. She was a force to be reckoned with on that stage, and it was equally empowering and terrifying. She had so much power, so much passion, so much potential...

She had everything we were looking for in this role.

Olson leaned over with wide eyes. “Wow. I...would like to believe we just found our princess.”

I couldn’t help but smile when the response left my mouth. “Absolutely.”

Then, the sudden horror dawned on me.

Princess. Charlotte...was princess.

*

*

It’d only been about ten minutes after she left the stage with a polite bow and dazzling smile that the entire auditorium started to empty out. Only a few stragglers were talking by the stage or the exits.

One of them in particular smiled and sped over to me.

“Ajay,” Charlotte grinned, “hi.”

“Charlotte,” I responded, “how’re you?”

She puffed out her rosy cheeks before letting the air out in a long sigh.

“So tired,” She was lightly laughing now. It was a little out of place, but it was cute. “Since I just decided to audition a few days ago, I’ve been pulling all-nighters with Leila to get my lines right.”

I feigned a smile and let a white lie slip through my teeth. “I’m glad you decided to audition.”

“Me too. I’m excited to see your directing skills in action,” She said this with a wink, “because it’s all I ever hear about from Rory.”

“Really?” Why does he talk about my directing...?

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “He gushes about how great of a director you are, like, all the time. You really haven’t heard any of this?”

I gave her a deadpan look, and she huffed out a laugh.

“Well, you should ask him about it. I’m sure he’d gladly tell you about how amazing you are,” she said thoughtfully, “he looks up to you, you know. It’s easy to see by the way he talks about you.”

I can’t imagine why...

“That’s surpris--” Before I could get through my sentence, I watched Charlotte stumble forward into me. Everything felt like it’d been in slow motion; her eyes widening slowly as her arms opened to hold onto me. Without another thought, mine did the same, wrapping around her small form carefully.

“Whoa!” Charlotte gasped with her arms tight around my torso and cheek pressed against my chest. I felt my heart start to pound, so I started worrying she could feel it thumping against her cheek.

The sound of laughter could be heard behind her, and when I looked up, I caught a glimpse of Danielle and a few others sauntering away. I glared at their backs, my grip on Charlotte tightening by a fraction.

Danielle better keep to herself from now on, because if that happens again--

The thought made a snarl appear on my face, and I quickly shook it away.

“You okay?” I asked, instantly feeling her rapid nod against my chest. I expected her to move...but she didn’t.

“Y-Yeah, just caught off-guard, um, I’m good.” Her voice sounded panicked. She pulled away from me slowly, looking up into my eyes with a deep red blush. “Thanks for not letting me fall.”

“Well, you didn’t really give me a choice.” I teased, watching her eyes widen for a second before she looked away.

“Right. Well. Uh, I should probably get going. I already have a ton of homework,” she hummed, smiling once more, “I’ll see you...sometime this week?”

I nodded, returning her smile. My heart felt like it was floating.

“Of course. Good night, Charlotte.”

“G’night,” She smiled and waved, awkwardly walking out the door. This whole goodbye thing felt like the new normal - that is, watching her run off while I stay glued to my spot, still living in the previous moment and imagining her eyes, her voice, her smile--

“Ajay! C’mon, man,” Rory shouted from the stage, “let’s go get dinner before we starve.”

It was like I snapped from a daze when I blinked.

The effect she had on me was maddening, but I realized I couldn’t get enough of it. Everything about her was just so frustratingly perfect--

“I’m in the mood for some absurdly overpriced pizza,” I said abruptly, walking with Rory out into the cool September night air. He laughed, nodding in agreement.

“Ohhhh, me too!”

I could swear the scent of her perfume drifted along in the breeze, but that was probably just my mind playing tricks on me.

*

*

It was hard to fall asleep that night. Maybe...maybe greasy pizza wasn’t the best idea.

I kept flipping over, hoping to find that one magical position and miraculously succumb to sleep.

But I just couldn’t get her out of my head.

This shouldn’t even be happening. Why did I let this happen? She was definitely involved with the show now. My rule still applies to me!

But...Charlotte. Sweet, kind, talented Charlotte.

Ug. The temptation to scream into my pillow was terrifyingly high.

For the love of...

Then, a thought. With a blink, I reached over to grab my glasses and a pen. After I turned my phone’s flashlight on, the feeling of a leather book from underneath my pillow brushed against my fingers. At the feeling, I sighed.

*

*

September 17th, 2020

Dear Diary...

Why does life have to be so complicated?

*

*

It wasn’t anything extensive, but my brain felt tired after writing all of that. So...short entry it was. Oh, did I sign it?

Too late. It was already closed.

I still felt like I was going to explode, but it was less severe than before. Progress. Maybe I could fall asleep now.

When I put everything back and folded my glasses, my head dreadfully hit the pillow with a soft thud. To make matters even better, I thought about her audition. How it was breathtakingly powerful and absolutely stunning. About how her voice was perfect for the part. About how...

It’s going to be a long night.

[justbecausewhynot]

Between Stars Part 3 {Arvin Russell x reader}

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

When you stepped into the church, everyone was crowded in the back watching Teagardin serve himself from the plates. You made your way to where your father and Mrs. Russell were standing. 

“But friends… the poor soul… that brung in them chicken livers on that beat-up plate… let’s just say I’m inspired to preach on it for a minute before we eat. Sure… some of us are better off than others. And I see… plenty of white meat and red meat laid out on this table. And I suspect that the folks that carried them platters in eat mighty good sometimes.”  Teagardin continued. “But poor people…got to bring what they can afford. So them organs…is a sign to me…telling me that I should, as the new preacher of this church, sacrifice myself. so that y’all can have a share of the good meat tonight. And that’s what I’m going to do, friends. I’m going to eat these organs. ‘Cause I model myself on the good Lord Jesus whenever he gives me the chance. And today…he’s blessed me with another opportunity to follow in his footsteps.” Teagardin picked up Mrs. Russell’s chicken livers and plopped a big scoop onto his plate.

You couldn't believe the nerve this man had, disrespecting Mrs. Russell like that, embarrassing her in front of the whole congregation. Arvin slipped his hand out of yours looking at you with a sorry expression and moved to his grandmother. He was practically fuming and glaring daggers at the preacher. Once Teagardin finished his speech, Arvin, who was holding onto Mrs. Russel’s shoulders, looked back at you and gestured for you to come over. 

“Now, don’t you worry about that pus-gutted blowhard. I bet he ain’t got two nickels to rub together.”

“Don’t worry about him Grandma, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” Arvin said, comforting Mrs. Russell. 

“That’s right, I bet he just wanted it all for himself, did you see how much he piled into his plate?” You added, receiving a thankful smile from Arvin.

After everyone had eaten their share of the meals, Arvin led the way out of the church, not bothering to say goodbye to the new preacher. 

“I have to say Mrs.Russell, your cooking is amazing, don’t you listen to anything that man says.”

“Oh don’t worry about me y/n. It didn’t bother me none.” She said, clearly lying. “Will you and your father be able to join us for dinner tonight?”

“Yes, I’m looking forward to it.” You said, stealing a glance from Arvin. “What should we bring?”

“You only need to bring yourselves, don’t worry about anything.”

“Nonsense! I insist, I can make up a cake in no time.”

“We shouldn’t be too indulgent.” Lenora spoke up. “It’s not right to celebrate for nothing.” 

“Well, we are celebrating something.” Arvin said, “We are celebrating y/n coming to town and to our family.” 

“What about me?” Your dad said, walking towards you and the Russell’s. 

“Don’t think I forgot about our date y/n.” Arvin whispered from beside you while your father and Mrs. Russell talked about the dinner.

“I should hope not.” You responded. “ You would be a pretty bad boyfriend if you did.” 

After setting the details with the Russells, you and your dad headed home to get ready. You spent the rest of the afternoon making a chocolate cake, carefully decorating it to perfection. After all, you wanted to leave a good impression on Arvin’s family. Obviously you knew the whole dating thing was a joke, and it would likely not make it to your families… but nonetheless, Arvin was taking you on a date right after you met his family. Shit felt pretty real to you. 

Once you were finished covering the cake in cream cheese icing, you went upstairs to freshen up. Quickly re-applying your makeup and swapping out your flour-covered skirt for a sage green dress. 

“Y/n, get down here.” your father called, making you look at the time. 

Shit. 

“I’m coming.” you called down, almost tripping over your own feet. Your father was already waiting in the truck with the cake in the middle seat. 

The ride there was to say the least, uncomfortable. 

“So… y/n…”

“Yes?”

“We have not been here yet a day, and you’ve already got a boyfriend?”

“Well Dad- It’s-I-Please don’t tell anyone about it. We haven’t really made it official or anything.”

“Don’t worry about me.” He said “I have better things to do than pay attention to teenage drama.” 

“We both know that’s not true daddy.”

___

“Welcome! Come in dear.” Mrs. Russell ushered you into the house off of the front porch. 

“Thank you for having us Mrs. Russell.” Your dad said, handing the cake to Lenora.

“This looks amazing y/n.” she said, admiring your handiwork.

“Let’s hope it tastes as good as it looks.” You said.

“I’m sure it tastes even better, if that’s possible.” Arvin said, coming up behind his grandmother, making you blush.

When you were all seated at the table, Arvin, who opted to sit next to you was listening to you talk about your old town. His thigh nudged slightly towards yours, until it rested beside it, making you heat up. 

“It was bigger than knockemstiff, but much less welcoming and homely…” You continued, feeling your body and face heat up. How could such minimal contact get you so riled up? 

The entire dinner, you and your father talked about your past, filling in Mrs. Russell on everything she had missed. After dessert, you and Lenora were doing the dishes, much to Mrs. Russell’s dismay. You worked in peaceful silence, one person filling your thoughts.

“He likes you, you know.” Lenora said, quietly enough for only you to hear. “I bet he’s watching your right now with that same puppy-dog look in his eyes.”

Slowly, you turned your head to face the table that Arvin, your dad and Mrs. Russell were sitting at. Sure enough, he was looking at you, seemingly zoned out in a trance. Those puppy-dog eyes were to die for. 

Turning back to the sink, Lenora smirked at you.

“He’s probably just listening very intently to the conversation at the table.” You said, trying to deflect the conversation off yourself.

“Yes of course.” Lenora said sarcastically, “Because house sales’ puts a love-sick smile on every teenage boy’s face.”

“Oh shut it.” You said blushing, splashing Lenora with water. 

The laughter coming from one side of the kitchen made your father roll his eyes. 

“Those girls and their giggling.” he grumbled.

Arvin was indeed watching you intently as his mind went through different scenarios. You and him as parents. You and him as grandparents. You and him on your wedding day. Something about you was so captivating that he couldn’t keep his eyes off. Finally, after gathering up the courage and picturing what he was going to say, Arvin sneaked up behind you and pulled you outside, saying bye to everyone quickly before jumping into his truck with you seated beside him. 

“To the creek?” You asked

“To the creek.”

[real-jaune-isms]

RWBY Volume 8 Chapter 2 Review/Rundown

Cr

I feel like this about sums up the general reaction after this week. So let’s dive into how it got out of hand so fast.

We open, a little surprisingly, on a shot we saw at the end of last Volume: Qrow looking at Clover’s bloody badge in his hand. We hear Robyn ranting and raving at someone about how this situation is all their fault, how all she wanted was to bring people together. She’s pacing in her cell, and at first you worry she’s turned on Qrow and hates him for fighting Clover and getting them both arrested, but no. She’s berating Jacques, and thank god someone is. He quotes his daughter in Volume 1 and claims he is a victim, but it was more endearing and memorable coming from the Ice Queen. He continues to assert his innocence, saying Watts used him and his power for diabolical purposes. Sure, he is guilty of many things, but he should not be held responsible for this. And at least his charges don’t include murder. That gets Qrow’s attention, since it was of course a dig at him. That quells Robyn’s fury rather quickly, and she does defend Qrow’s innocence. But she hops right back on the flame train and (while wonderfully insulting his mustache) says she’s not about to agree with the words of an accomplice to Watts’ sins against Mantle. Sure enough, the man of the hour is also in an adjacent cell, and he’s resigned himself to being stuck here like the rest of them. We get a look at where exactly “here” is, a 2 by 2 grid of square cells whose walls are Hard Light Dust shields. It’s a room that’s otherwise rather empty, and the Dust walls seem to be the only source of light. A very makeshift appearance, all things considered, and I worry about Watts being in a cell surrounded by Dust tech he might be able to manipulate. Then again, they took his rings, but he’s got to be pretty resourceful. Meanwhile, Jacques has all the confidence of a spoiled rich brat put behind bars for a misdemeanor. He’s quite sure Whitley will be rushing to get the family’s legal team on the case, and he’ll be out within... well we don’t know exactly how short he thinks his incarceration will last because Robyn gets pissed and punches the wall dividing them. That shuts him up rather well. And really, Jacques-ass? You’re putting your faith in a teenager to help overturn alleged war crimes? What an out of touch prick. 

All four of them are shaken from their particular trains of thought by an alarm buzzing and the door opening. Three guards file in, disengage one of the walls of Watts’ cell, and go inside to smack him with the muzzle of a gun and drag his ass outta there. Jacques cringes at the sight of such sudden violence, and Robyn looks momentarily surprised before seeming to accept this. Guess she didn’t expect Ironwood to be so ruthless so soon. She sits back on her bed, which looks like its just a hard slab, and laments being unable to do anything. But Qrow says there is something they can do: kill the man who put them here. To paraphrase Agent Washington, that has got to be the worst plan ever. Of all time. You’re already in jail on murder charges, and now you want to actually cross the line and kill THE LEADER OF A KINGDOM?!?!?! I realize that Ironwood has gone of the deep end and needs to be stopped, but this is not the way to do it. This will only lead to failure, I’m sure of it.

Meanwhile, we cut down to an Atlas news reporter doing a story in Mantle. He’s doing his thing, talking about the unprecedented Grimm hordes and Ironwood not doing anything about it yet. But just as he’s going on about the dedication of his station, the Atlas Eye, Joanna comes up and swipes his microphone to deliver her own message to the people. She tells it like it is, saying that the Happy Huntresses are here to offer aid when Ironwood will not, and spreading the word for people to gather what supplies they can and head for the crater. We see one of the kids from Jaune’s crosswalk scene, and thank goodness his mom is still alive. Joanna talks about all of Mantle coming together to hold the line against the coming Grimm, otherwise the storm at their gates will sweep in to wipe them all out. Yang’s group get into Pietro’s pharmacy, and open the door to the backroom to discover something that makes them very happy. As we saw from the promo clip several months ago, it’s three hoverbikes which we then see them riding through the streets. Yang’s a natural at it, driving up a ramp to do a cool flip off a wall much to Oscar’s panic and discomfort as some of her hair gets in his mouth. Jaune and Ren are... adequate by comparison. Noticing the purple glow of what I presume is Gravity Dust propelling them and allowing the bikes to hover, I wouldn’t be shocked if Yang gives hers a paintjob to be the new Bumblebee: Now with added shipping material! What’s far less pleasant to notice is the Grimm squatting like a gargoyle on the bridge they drive under. We see this thing on the rooftops in a few more shots and then... whooo boy. But we will get there. For now, the biker gang finds more people to protect and help on the journey through town to the crater. One of the Real Thirsty Moms has armed herself with a snow shovel and isn’t totally sure if the crater will be a safe place, but Yang puts on her bravest face to reassure her... just before the screams of people being chased by Grimm get her attention. It’s only two Sabyrs, and Jaune stops their progress by throwing a Hard Light shield spawning grenade that we can assume was with the stash of new gear earlier. Ren drops down to stab both Grimm to death and kicks the quickly deactivating grenade back to Jaune who uses the Gravity in his shield to draw it to him. Very handy with all the tools, bud. Oscar is worried the Grimm Salem has brought with her have already gotten this far into the city, but Yang rationalizes they’re stragglers from the big attack last night. Cuz yeah, we’re still only 12 hours or so removed from the climactic latter half of Volume 7. She doesn’t wanna take any chances though, and asks Ren if Jaune can amp his Semblance up so he can mask the whole crowd for the trip. Ever the realist, he gives a less than encouraging answer, but Jaune sees how badly these people need some hope and comfort. So he makes it into a reassuring promise that the trip will be totally safe and Grimm free. Good job, man. But in every crowd of people, there’s always... a Karen. In this case it’s a grandma who doesn’t want to go stay in the slums among the “animals”, she wants to go to Atlas dammit. But Yang has been waiting to berate someone after the morally grey argument with Ruby last episode, so she takes full advantage of this. This lady might want to be in Atlas, but it’s become clear that Atlas doesn’t want her or any of the other people in Mantle, whereas the Faunus in the crater are showing more kindness than she deserves and giving her a warm place to stay amid all these Grimm. That shuts her up quick, and her daughter (one of the Real Thirsty Moms!) nervously butts in to say that yeah, they’ll accept the offer and she’ll go get their stuff now. We fade to seeing the greyed out crowd walking down the street with Yang giving frontal support, Ren riding on Jaune’s bike in the midst of the crowd to mask outwards in a radius, and Oscar guarding the rear. Grandma Karen is still whining about having to go to the crater, but her daughter is trying to get her to pipe down.

Oscar laments how hard it’s been to get folks to cooperate, with Ozpin chiming in to say he’s preaching to the choir on this one, and that he’s becoming increasingly concerned about that challenge. Oscar grumbles about the unencouraging internal peanut gallery, and Oz gets right to the point. The teens all have every right to be mad at him for dipping on them in Mistral, none more so than Oscar himself, but that’s not what Oscar’s beef is about. He’s mad that he gave him false hope, that in the time Oz was gone Oscar was able to really start coming into his own as a fighter and a member of the team. But now he’s back and Oscar will go back to just being the vessel for the guy everyone really cares about. Oz acknowledges and validates that, but admits that he was never really gone at all so... the merging is still going. Oscar is gaining deep memories and what magic Oz has left, so it’s closer than ever. Neither of them want this to happen, but what can they do? Further up, Ren’s cloaking flickers for a second and Jaune checks on him. He’ll be fine, he’s just got a lot to focus on. Jaune tries to give him a pep talk, but silence is more needed here and Ren is a little snippy in saying so. Jaune seems pretty bummed that Ren is in such a state, but I can’t really say he’s mad at him. More upset with himself and his leadership. One member of his team left to do something else, and the other is in a mental funk he has no clear idea how to help him out of. That’d bum anyone out. Let’s talk about Ren for a moment, actually. I think part of the reason his semblance is working at less than 100% is the same reason he’s pissy with Jaune. He has too many emotions bottled up and he’s trying to ignore them for the sake of staying neutral and calm to be at his best. But if you force yourself to always be neutral, it becomes that much harder to shift into the zen needed for this power. He needs to let himself have emotional highs and lows so he can transition naturally into the middle ground. In other words, TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, BUDDY!!! It’s also been theorized that his semblance can work for more than just neutrality and he might be projecting his inner turmoil onto the crowd. But that’s yet to be proven. Oz appropriately closes out the scene by saying that they ALL need to figure out a way to work together, but something tells me that’s not coming for another 8 episodes at least.

Changing locales, we see Penny outside of a building with a puffing smokestack on the edge of the city. Turning around, we see where the city of Mantle ends and the slums of the crater begin, and how many people are making there way down from one to the other. But quickly look back, as Blake has just cut off the lock on the chain link gate to the building and May is leading our girl squad inside. That’s right, the one and only May Marigold is coming along on this mission so we get a chance to see her really show her stuff! Nora is grateful for the assist, but May assures her this plan would have definitely gotten Robyn’s backing judging by how much she talked about Amity Tower once she was in the know, so she’s all too happy to help get it up and running. And the Happy Huntresses can afford to be sending her for this, since Fiona has the rest of the team helping her out. The reminder that their partners are off doing a separate mission dampens Blake and Nora’s smiles though... Ruby worries about the safety of going into this place, but once inside Weiss gives the rundown. This is a subsidiary of the Schnee Dust Company that specializes in shipping packages of refined Dust from the mines up to various areas of Atlas through pneumatic tubes. And since it’s a small side business, the worker robots have no direct chain of command to Ironwood, just the Schnees. And Weiss’ grand plan for transportation up to the Atlas military base is something Ruby jokingly suggested back in Volume 2... mailing themselves to their destination. You’re becoming more like that dolt every day... and as a White Rose shipper I love it~ Blake takes this opportunity to rain on Weiss’ confident parade with a dig at the high percentage of buildings in Atlas the Schnee family must own at this rate, and Weiss refuses to comment on how many they actually don’t own. Glad to see Blake being playful like this, shows she’s really comfortable being back with the group again. Everyone spreads out to look for the tube they need, and Penny finds the one for Atlas Academy instead. It reminds her of the confrontations that were had there last Volume, and it clearly still bothers her. Ruby comes over to check on her, and incorrectly assumes Penny’s lamenting about friends fighting is regarding her and Yang. You may be the protagonist, but not everything is about you Ruby. Penny meant Ironwood, Winter, and the Ace Ops, the people Team RWBY had become such fast friends and trusted allies with in Volume 7. The people who are doing and saying such unkind things now, like Ironwood telling her people will die unless she does as she says. Maybe that’s why she’s lingering at this terminal, she’s debating giving herself up to him for the sake of others? 

Ruby is having none of this self blaming talk though, and turns Penny around to look her in the eyes as she assures her that no, that isn’t true at all, Ironwood was just saying it to hurt her and make her feel bad enough to come back. Penny admits that she misses the days when she was just the Protector of Mantle, that she now has so much heavy responsibility and duty thrust upon her as the Winter Maiden and she wishes she did not. She was struggling enough to find an identity as a normal girl, now she has a whole other identity to grapple with, it’s all truly unfortunate and sad. Holding her hands in a very similar way to how she did back when she first found out Penny was an android, Ruby assures her that she is still very much the girl she once was. She protected Mantle by taking the Maiden powers so they wouldn’t be misused to hurt the city. This seems to cheer Penny up a bit, and she thanks Ruby for it. The two have another nice hug, before Nora calls out that she’s found the terminal they need. Blake notes that this is the point of no return, and May asserts her confidence that between Penny’s capabilities with the computers they’ll encounter and her own invisibility Semblance they’ve got this in the bag. Penny doesn’t like being referred to as a secret weapon, or a weapon of any kind, but she says nothing about it. For now, let’s praise May for being sassy and cool and doing a cute little curtsy for style. Nora asks the important question of how the heck they’re gonna use this thing, and Weiss goes into tutorial mode again. Just lie back into the tube and hit the launch button, easy enough. Except she was sitting on the edge of the tube for a visual aid and Nora got bored. So ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM goes Weiss up the tube with a frightened screech. Everyone just watches in slack-jawed shock and confusion, but Nora immediately goes giddy at what has just happened and what will soon happen to the rest of them. I can’t imagine what Ruby and Blake must be thinking, not to mention what’s going through May’s mind with this being her first exposure to Nora being... Nora.

But that’s all we get of them for this episode, so Weiss is Schrodinger’s Heiress for the next week. We go to the crater as Joanna heads into a tent where Fiona is hunched over a map coordinating over comms with someone we’ve yet to meet named Crimson. As she finishes the call and whines over how stressful this all is, Joanna drops a small crystal of fire Dust into a sort of furnace and assures her that she’s doing a great job. Fiona absorbs the map into her hand of infinite holding and says Joanna’s big display on the news makes her more qualified for this job. Joanna laughs that off and says it was necessary to spread the word, which seems to be working judging by how many folks are arriving. The group they’re now noticing come in is the one Yang and her squad have just arrived with from Sector 7. The happy lamb does a happy hoppy dance hearing that they’ve already cleared out that sector, and admits her previous doubts that they could manage this much with only half their team. This hits a sore nerve for both Ren and Yang, and the former stomps off while the latter gives a passive aggressive response. They really need to address this soon or it’s all gonna explode in their faces... Oscar wisely changes the subject to ask how they’re managing to house and provide for all these people, and the two Huntresses give a rundown. They’re doing what they can with houses and shelters, and a lot of people are trying to make old mineshafts into someplace livable, and they’ve been looting SDC refineries for Dust to keep everyone warm. Unlike our own society, no one is getting arrested amidst the end of the world. But they substitute that with the terrifying dread of not knowing when the majority of the Grimm will finally attack, what they’re all waiting for. We and the teens know they’re waiting for Salem’s command, for an opening to cause the most damage. And the longer they wait the more the negative emotions build to draw them in. Clever clever, you old witch you. The ominous mood is interrupted by the badger guy from episode 1 running up to inform Fiona that another fight has broken out among the people. He’s voiced by RT founder Gus Sorola, and apparently he’s Fi’s uncle! She seems bummed about having to go break up another fight, but Joanna’s got this one covered. But problems keep coming, and Crimson reports in that there’s a group of Grimm coming in from the east that he can’t handle while transporting civilians. Yang and co are all to ready go get this off Fiona’s plate for her, and we cut to Yang being pursued by a Teryx. We soon see she’s leading it into an ambush, as Ren and Oscar come riding in at an intersection to toss a grenade baton beneath it which presumably contains air/wind Dust because it gets propelled upwards to crash into a bridge and fall back down stunned. Yang gets out of the way and Jaune charges in for the kill. With that job done, Fiona immediately has a new group for them to clear out on the west side. The kids are getting real tired of this constant rushing around killing Grimm, but its part of the job they made such a fuss about going to do so they gotta do it. Oscar points out what I mentioned before, the negativity from everyone worrying when Salem will strike is luring in the stragglers amongst the Grimm. Speaking of stragglers, three Sabyrs come charging up the street much to Ren’s annoyance. But before they can make contact, something gets their attention and they turn tail to run. This puzzles and concerns the team, since Grimm have never retreated before. Before they can finish asking themselves what the Grimm were running from, they get an answer. A large dog-like Grimm pounces on Oscar and starts mauling him and thrashing his body around. He tries to fight back, kicking at one of its legs, but it is unfazed and keeps hitting him until his aura is gone. We see this thing has no eyes to speak of, but it soon gains apposable hands and hind legs capable of bipedal movement. All the better to carry Oscar away with, and shockingly enough, all the better to hold him in front of it as a human shield when Yang comes charging in to try and save him. She has to swerve and avoid hitting the kid, but gets grabbed by the head and tossed against a wall. Ren is the next to attack, but his bullets do jackshit to its back and his “grapple into the enemy and pull myself at it for a kick” has never worked before and continues to not work now. The Hound, as it is named in the credits and in concept art, stretches out its arm much like the Nuckelavee back in Volume 4 and swats Ren away. Jaune is about to charge in too, but Yang warns him about the Hound’s shield tactic. He’s in disbelief, because they may have seen old Grimm that have gained beastial sentience but never this kind of sapience and creative thinking. Ren grabs his guns but the Hound holds Oscar up again to stop him. Ren, naturally, yells at the Grimm to give their friend back. 

But the Hound just stretches its neck with a few cracking sounds, and says “No”.

This leaves the huntsmen and huntresses in a silent stupor of shock and fear, and I would not blame them. If all of my world’s history has been telling me that the monsters I hunt are mindless beasts of violence and destruction, nothing more, that’s one thing. If I learn they were created by a deity solely for the sake of destroying my civilization and are nothing but his avatars of darkness and wreckage, that’s a big theological pill to swallow but I still know how these things always tend to act. If I am on 6 hours of sleep vs 28 hours of being awake, just had a big personal argument over what our job should be amidst the apocalypse, and now my entire understanding of the monsters I at least thought I knew how to handle is thrown out the window?????? Yeah, I would need a goddamn minute before I could think rationally and quickly again. So you’ll excuse me for giving Yang, Jaune and Ren a pass as they just stand there and watch the Hound grow bat-like wings in a very painful and goopy transformation that gets some goo on Oscar’s unconscious face and then climbs up a building with Oscar in its mouth to fly away. When they do recover their senses they hop on their bikes and chase after the beast at full speed, giving a hasty and vague apology to Fiona for having to go handle this emergency that she wouldn’t believe even if they told her. And that’s it, we have to wait a week or longer to find out if they catch this thing and get Oscar back. Judging from the intro, I’d say they won’t and he will be brought before Salem for torture. Fun!~ This definitely opens the door for brand new possibilities of what Grimm are capable of doing or being, and lots of people are theorizing the Hound is so intelligent because Salem stuck a person in there, possibly someone we thought was dead but perhaps isn’t? Who knows, we’ll have to wait and see.

Sorry it’s so late, but hope this is a good review.

[rae-arts777]

I want to talk about my religious trauma

I just want to tell my story, I know mine is minor, I know there’s worst out there, but I’m hoping maybe mine cause reach out to anyone experiencing the same so they feel less alone

Let’s start way back

Edit: (sorry I should have put this earlier) TW: slight sexual assault, self harm, suicide mention

Growing up a christian adventist, I knew Friday night to Saturday was worship. No electronics or TV unless it was veggie tales, or a Bible cartoon, and church Saturday.

Of course I acted out a bit, and would get scolded for not staying still. My mother however wasn’t upset at me for ruining church, just upset I wasn’t behaving and granted don’t blame her cause I was a brat lol. I would get in more trouble if I went with my grandma. I was “disrespecting the lord in his house” and well...I mean it’s hard for a child to sit still for 8 hours wearing a dress and shoes that made me itchy and gave me blisters

Now church was fun in some sense. Got to see my friends, food after services, I loved being able to help in the kitchen and help the elders as well.

Good right?

Well...as a child, we think what we know if right. I thought the way we had church was common to everyone. When I started school, it was different for me. I asked “why do my friends go to church on Sunday?” My grandma told me “they just don’t know the proper way, it’s your duty to tell them”

I remember...being really horrible towards a kid who’s family was an atheist. We were still friends, but I will tell him “you’re trusting the devil”. My words never seem to hurt him since he laughed them off, but I never stopped...I look back and have so much guilt. So much guilt towards others too since I tried to tell them church was Saturday’s, and going on Sunday was wrong. I think about how horrible I was, cause my religion never taught me to be accepting to others beliefs, it taught me that it’s my duty to turn others to the right way. And that makes me upset. If my religion was the religion of “accepting everyone no matter what” then why is every one else’s religion the work of the devil? And why are baptism, also who was Christians, deem “evil” like Catholics in our religion.

Middle school. I started attending the church school. Hell

I didn’t like our new pastor, something about the way he said things just...didn’t stick. His kids were a nightmare. They torment everyone. Got teachers fired they didn’t like. And went crying to their parents if they didn’t get their way. No they were not toddlers. They were teens. One got in between my old best friend and I, and since then her and I were never the same.

Because I liked art and anime...I was the weird kid, so they constantly picked on me. Pastor kids telling me certain kids here didn’t deserve to be made by god. That god made a mistake. I told them to stop, but they would go “you just don’t know. It’s hard for us!!! We don’t mean what we say!” And looking and writing this now, that was the first gaslighting and toxic friendships I experience.

It made me more mad the pastor told the whole church that his kids were perfect children. And they set an example of how all the kids in the church could act. That pastor family was just horrible. Lies, manipulation, just rude. He would make side remarks about my mum’s blonde dye hair. He would say something to my mum if I wore pants or a leather jacket to church. Just the way he said things, made my mum feel like she was a horrible parent. They made side comments when my dad would finally show up.

“I’m sorry my dad wasn’t constantly gone, he’s was too busy fighting for our country.” Is what they would want us to say.

Church become a chore. Not a joy. And when we got a new pastor, one I started to connect with, we moved away and in with my grandma

Now highschool. This is where I started drifting away from religion. I love my grandma..I really do ...but she’s so extreme. The Bible this. The Bible that. I can’t have a normal conversation without her being up the Bible. Can’t watch a movie, show, or listen to music that’s not Christian without her bringing up the Bible or turning it into a Bible lesson. I hated going to church. I hated hearing “repent. The world is ending soon”

Hearing constant that our young generation is filled with the devil, feeling all the eyes of the elders on me as I’m trying to comfort someone’s child so they can enjoy church peacefully

Hearing anyone experiencing love towards the same gender is the devil’s working

That everything I like is filled with the devil

My grandma start forcing religion worst and worst down my throat. Saying I have to be prepare. I need to make my choice. Don’t I want to be in heaven with everyone? I need to give myself to god

I won’t see my family members who passed away Catholic.

That I need to tell my other side of the family who’s Catholic the right way

The news comes on....hearing the Bible says this the Bible says that

Trying to defend trump with the Bible

This pandemic is the first plague, the world will end soon

The studies getting more and more. I can’t even read the Bible just to study out of joy cause I feel like someone is breathing down my neck.

I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

And then I’m introduce the rotten apples of my religion.

We shouldn’t wear mask it’s God’s air

Only having faith is god will keep you from getting sick and heal you

Ever remember of LGBT is going to hell

Woman who abortion are going to hell

People will tattoos go to hell

People who don’t read the Bible everyday are going to hell

People who want to make this religion more open and accepting, are hearing the devil and are going to hell

People who kill themselves are going to hell

Mental illness isn’t real; it’s just the devil and you just have to be happy cause you have god.

I told my mom I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t, it’s more forced down on me too much. If the world is ending what’s the point? What’s the point of college? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of looking for love?! Cause I’ve been told so many times my own children won’t ever get to adult or teen hood cause the world will end! What’s the point. I’m so grateful to have a mother who understands..

And it pisses me out with these Christian movies. A boy is about to kill himself, and is getting told “you’ll go to hell! You really want that?! To go to hell?!” Why are you showing this?! That’s a last thing a suicidal person needs to hear. They don’t need a fucking Bible lesson, they need comfort!!! As a person who’s tried drowning, choking, and harming themselves, I fucking know I wouldn’t want someone to find me and say “you’re going to hell for that!”

And then you have those horrible people who think just cause they are religious that it gives them a right to be a shitty person. My grandma would fucking forgive a murder if they came out as Christian.

I told my grandma once “I do want to be more involved with the church, I want to give a sermon” and she told me “you can give a small one, not a full one, god did not use women to preach, he used men. I rather you do the children’s story”

.......

The Vice President...some Christians hate her cause “god didn’t intend for women to lead, if he did his apostles would have been women”

my grandma says “she slept her way to the top!” But oh! She didn’t mind if trump, a man who’s assaulted god knows how many women was in office...

Forgive everyone....you’re suppose to forgive abusers..my bullies....I was told to forgive them even if they never said sorry..cause god wants us to forgive

I allowed..a boy to convince me to do things...cause men always knew what was right...it was ok as long as we didn’t have sex...and it was ok...cause he was a Christian boy...

I just try to be a good human...I have sickenly forgave so many people who’ve hurt me....and now...I’m the pushover...

But what I did was wrong...

I’ve just....drifted away slowly...my grandma has sort of stop trying, maybe cause I’m an adult so I can make my own choices..maybe my mum told her something...

But the things she says makes me feel ashame for being Christian....

For the longest time I thought we were perfect people...now that I’m older...I see we’re just as bad..if not worst...

It makes me so sick...just thinking..how I forgave people who HURT ME cause ...if I can’t forgive, then God doesnt want me.

If god really wants all of his “children” then why if it when we says “I don’t want to forgive the person who gave me this trauma” then it’s “i forgave you why can’t you forgive them? It’s so simple, you really can’t do something that simple? Guess you don’t want to go to heaven”

I’m so done

I’m so tired..

I have a headache and started crying a bit while writing this and there’s so much more. But my wrist hurts and just...I want to scream.

But for the majority...that’s my religious trauma.

I’m not hoping to gain anything, just to reach to anyone else who’s going through the same emotions...you’re not alone ok?

[dailyaudiobible]

08/20/2021 DAB Transcript

Esther 8:1-10:3, 1 Corinthians 12:27-13:13, Psalms 37:1-11, Proverbs 21:23-24

Today is the 20th day of August welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian and it is wonderful to be here with you today as we come in out of the…well…here in the rolling hills of Tennessee it's coming in out of the heat and not coming in out of the cold at all, but we’re coming out of the heat into this oasis, this cool place around this Global Campfire where we can let it all go and focus on the Scriptures as they inform the choices and decisions and steps that we will continue to make each moment by moment in each day by day. So, we have…in the Old Testament been working our way through the book of Esther. We will conclude the book of Esther today.  It’s been a high drama story. Haman the antagonist met his end yesterday. His plot to annihilate the Jewish people though is still intact. And, so, let's reach our conclusion on the book of Esther by reading chapters 8, 9, and 10 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, yesterday we were talking about this…the Holy Spirit, the gifts that are bestowed by the Holy Spirit, that they are to serve the body and that they are to serve the Lord and that we are all part of a body and no one part can say to any other part that I don't need you or I don't want you because we collectively make a whole, a body, and every parts needed to make of that body, whether it's a seen part or an unseen part, whether it's pretty part or a hidden part. No matter what, it's a part, a necessary part of a body, the body of Christ in this world. And, so, we can seek the Holy Spirit and seek the giftings of the Spirit and serve the Lord through them, but when it's really about our attention…like drawing attention to ourselves then we’re forgetting that we’re a part of a whole and that comparison leads us nowhere, which leads us to what Paul just lays out in the 13th chapter of first Corinthians. We can have all these gifts that we want. We can jump up and down and draw attention to ourselves. We can do noble things we can do impressive things, but if we do not do these things in love they do not do or mean anything. And that's kind of a line in the sand. For example, can you be jealous in love or envious in love or raging in love. That gives us a bit of a plumb line to inquire of ourselves. Am I doing this in love or am I doing this in selfishness or envy or some other thing that is not going to serve God or the body, is only gonna serve ourselves? Love is the currency, or maybe…maybe the blood of the body. Love is the blood flowing through the body. A necessary irreplaceable piece. We’re dead without blood, right? Paul says, without love, I am nothing. So, let’s think about that and let’s go into the rest of our day loving and loving well.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit we can't on our own in our own strength. Certainly, we can love those who love us and we can be patient, we can be extra kind. But to just embody love, to just be Your love in this world and to try to in some way offer love wherever we go, we don’t have the capacity. Only through the power of Your Holy Spirit can we achieve anything even approaching this. But as we think about it, as we just consider, man what would it be like to just love. That is such a serene and peaceful place to think about because it overlooks so many of the things that we get so entangled in, so much of the bitterness and resentment, so much of the depression, so much of the anxiety comes from places that we feel wronged or wounded. And if love could fill those spaces. So, Holy Spirit come into our brokenness, the places that we find it really difficult to operate in love and fill those spaces with Your love. Help us to understand that, that it's not…it's not by brute force that we’re just acting like we’re loving, it’s that we need You to fill us in those spaces so that it's not our will or our love, it is Your love flowing through us, filling us, healing us, restoring us, and then going out into the world. Come Holy Spirit, we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that’s home base, that is the website, that is where you get connected and find out what's going on around here. And all of these things can be found inside the Daily Audio Bible app as well.

And, so, be aware of places like the Community section, where there are all the different links to the social media avenues that we post on and interact on as well as the home of the Prayer Wall. The Prayer Wall lives in the Community section of the app or the website and it exists as a vehicle that is always on, never off, always available where we can always go and ask for prayer, always or we can…we can go and offer prayers. And we've talked about this before but it's very, very easy when things are hard and we’re having to do some endurance and we’re growing weary and we’re getting weaker and weaker, it's very easy for us to get very focused on our pain or whatever it is that we’re suffering and whatever the challenge might be. And, so, we focus on the disruption and then we want to talk about it to a lot of people. So, we keep telling the same stories and asking for the same kinds of prayers when as wonderful and helpful as it is as it is to have the body of Christ around us, sometimes focusing outward, especially in the wee hours of the night, right, when you can’t just make the rounds on the phone or whatever. Sometimes, offering prayers, reaching out in prayers for other people who are also in pain who are also enduring something, reaching toward them, feeling connected in that way gets…well…it gets things in perspective and keeps us from becoming so wound up into our own story. And that is an important piece of our spiritual journey, to understand that we are knit together as a body, and when one hurts, we all hurt. And, so, to participate in healing in any way that we can, even just going before the Lord on behalf of someone, that is a beautiful thing that we have done well here at the Daily Audio Bible around the Global Campfire. So, the…the…the Prayer Wall is very important to that equation. So, certainly be aware of it and use it daily, often.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible thank you, thank you humbly and with a heart of gratitude. Thank you for your partnership. We wouldn't be here if we didn't do this together. And thank you for your partnership as we navigate summertime. Appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can at the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good evening DABbers please pray for my grandma that has multiple myeloma. Please heal her…I mean please pray that God will heal her and please pray for her that she will have a lot of fun with us in the pool and she will…and she will be…I mean and she will have a lot of energy. In Jesus’ name I pray.

Hello DAbbers this message is for Jonathan from Denver. I'm calling to encourage him and acknowledge him that he just confessed he has a problem with an addiction. And I really wanna tap you on your back man because you're very brave to do such as this. I suffered the same thing. I…I went through this addiction of pornography and it last for many many years, 25 years in my life and what I had to do, the same as you did. Basically, just surrender to the Lord and He will give you the strength and the self-control to get rid of all this junk, all this material that you have. Just focus…focus on the thing that you have, that you are able to. Focus on what you are able to do and God will provide you the strength and the power and the will and all the self-control to carry on until you completely destroy this out of your life. He will put you…and Jonathan, He will put you good friends that will guide you to a different path. And just rely on the Lord and I'm sure as He did for me and many others He will give you the power to come out of this addiction. And I've been praying for you and for all the community, everybody that has any addiction, doesn't matter if it’s pornography or anorexia or, you know, alcohol, drugs. I've been praying for all you guys. Love you all. And thank you Brian for this wonderful podcast. Cheers. Blessings everybody. __ here from Australia. Bye.

Good morning DAB family this is Tito Ramirez calling from Southern California. I wanted to call today and have you guys pray with me over my mom Mara. She is in my life her and Brian Hardin are the two people that I've seen just really turn themselves inside out to serve the Lord. My mom came to this country and became a citizen, but she came from Peru and always had a heart for serving the Lord. And she started raising money. All my life all my life I remember my mom raising money and putting in her own money to build churches and Peru. And then she funds out of the money that she raises and her own pocket the pastor's salary that goes around and preaches at these churches that she built down there because she didn't want him encumbered by any red tape from any religious institution. And she, once my sisters and I got into Graduate School she partnered with our…with our universities here in Southern California to take the medical and dental schools there and set up free medical care in these churches that she built. And it was a great experience for the medical students and the dental students and the hygiene students. And they would take volunteer doctors and dentists and they would just go serve man, just give away free medical care until they ran out of stuff. And they did that every year. And my poor mum is suffering right now in the hospital. She's had some small strokes and it sounds like she's having another one this morning. And I just want to cover her in prayer. She's…she's a retired nurse and she just reminds me so much of my own kids when I take them to the doctor to get a shot. She's become so scared, you know, and it just feels so different. But please provide cover her in prayer, that the doctors would diagnose her quickly, that they would treat her effectively, that the Lord would send the Holy Spirit to comfort her and give her peace so she's not afraid. I love you guys. Thank you so much for praying for my family. You guys are the best.

Hi this is Anonymous. I just wanted to call in and ask for some prayer because…it seems so silly…but my husband and I have very different needs when it comes to intimacy. And in order to not make him feel bad about his drive not being as high as mine is I've kind of gotten sucked into porn and I don't…I don't want to go to that. I…I want that relationship with my husband, but I don't know how to make that happen or get to a place where I'm content with what we have. So, if you guys could just pray for me, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Hi, my DAB family this is Julie calling from the UK. I've been following the DAB since the beginning of the year. So, I'm doing quite well with it really considering I’ve had such a tough time. And I'm just asking for prayer really because I just cannot get out of this anxious state I'm in. My life is just not there. I just feel I can't do anything. I just sit in the same chair everyday feeling weak and reading my Bible and listening to the Daily Audio Bible. I've had a lot of changes in my life. I've moved to a new…a new country and I'm just struggling. I miss my family so much. And I don't know whether I should be here or go back. I've only been here…I've been here three years, but I just feel that I need some…some prayer to…to guide me whether I should return or stay. This anxiety is just unbearable. And I'm just praying that you'll all pray for me or at least one of you will pray for me and that I can trust in God to help me, bring me through this. Thank you.

[expshared]

this season was kind of whack, but at least we had Eizouken

Heya Camp is just kind of a lazy reminder that Yuru Camp exists, and will continue to exist in the future. You remember these characters?? OK good, just making sure. That said, did I immediately feel the tension release in my entire body when I heard the OST? Duh. Did I sing “it’s coffee time” to the ending not knowing these were the incorrect lyrics? The entire time.

I don’t know what to do with Isekai Quartet because like, objectively, I should hate it. I do not enjoy like 2.5 of the shows involved, and the addition of Shield Hero was not a welcome one. Turns out it doesn’t matter anyway because it was just Isekai Quartet and also Naofumi is Sometimes Scowling in the Background and that’s about as much of him as I want to see anyway. And yet? I do enjoy this Disney Channel Original Crossover. There’s something inherently fun about watching these characters from disparate shows interact with each other, and no matter what the original stakes were in their respective series, they’re all just doing homework and getting part time jobs and that shit’s funny when a big skeleton man is doing it.

After its first episode, Asteroid in Love was kind of a slog. This is your typical seasonal CGDGT show, and apart from that, I really can’t think of anything to say about it. I didn’t learn anything about the Extremely Niche Topic these girls are doing, and it wasn’t even that gay. Disappointing. 

I was really looking forward to Toilet Bound Hanako-kun because I am a big fan of the source material, but I was pretty let down by this adaptation. It seems that they prioritized the art style and the color scheme above everything else, but that essentially just meant the entire project ended up being colored manga panels. I wanted to see them move around! There was not a single moment of animation that justified it being an anime. You might as well have been watching a PowerPoint. I can’t think of anything nice to say. Let’s move on. 

Bofuri is my power fantasy. I want to play a video game so cluelessly I break it into tiny pieces and bumble into being the most powerful player in the world’s nicest MMORPG. Maple turns powercreep into powersprint. What Bofuri lacks in character development or plot, it makes up for in outrageous Maple feats. She holds the entire world in the palm of her hand and she doesn’t even know it. She named her OP pet turtle Syrup and then turned into an alien abomination unknown to the world and went on a killing rampage. This anime was Maple Crossing Online. Love you, Maple. Wreck shit, Maple. 

If My Favorite Idol Got Into Budokan, I Would Die walks a thin line and what separates it from being a slobbering idol otaku engine preaching how Cool it is to Be an Otaku and an Idol Show Watamote is the fact that Eripiyo is a girl. That’s it. If you took her and replaced her with your average Joe Schmoe-san, this show would be insufferably creepy. Every time I was waiting for it to topple over, Jenga-like, it managed to right itself and straddle the tightrope. It’s not a particularly subtle piece of media, nor does it do what I was hoping it would do and engage in any sort of conversation about the obsessive nature of idol otakudom, but you know what it does a good job of doing? Portraying being an idol as a job. Just some adults putting on underground shows and selling the same CD of like two songs over and over again. I was also hoping it would address what happened to Eripiyo, maybe talk about why at the beginning she’s dressed like an office worker and apparently gives that all up to follow this kinda-shitty idol group, why this fanatic escapism is preferable, or even maybe address how gay it is? Not in the cards, though. Honestly Budokan was, despite itself, pretty enjoyable? There are some great background lesbians. Also can we talk about how consistently good the production values were on this show? Why did this have such great dance sequences? Why did this look better than Love “Has More Money Than God” Live? Actually no I take everything back this show was kind of just Idol Otaku Watamote

Hey, let’s talk about the other idol show airing this season: the completely unhinged 22/7. This show is Whack. This show operates on an entire different plane of reality. I know nothing about the actual band, so I came into this blind and oh my god. Hey guys, the plot of 22/7 is that a Wall tells some girls to form an idol unit.  A sentient Wall whose orders absolutely must be followed. Why? Dunno! What happens if you don’t follow its orders? Never elaborated on. (Actually, is this a reference to Pink Floyd? I have no fucking clue.) In any case these eight girls, summoned by a letter from the Wall, are all invited to become an idol group, and then they’re magically an idol group. It’s unclear how they become successful, how they book gigs, who’s keeping the lights on at the agency, how they’re getting paid, who HR is, how their gorilla man agent found this Wall and determined that all its directives Must Be Followed, but shit, man. What follows in 22/7 is a one-member-per-episode serial that quite frankly stumbles far more often than it succeeds. One girl’s grandma died and that’s why she came to Japan. One girl had a traumatizing experience where she got lost in the woods for a week and it broke her family apart and now things just suck forever. These things are equal. One poor girl’s entire episode was about how she didn’t want to put on a bathing suit for a photo shoot and how uncomfortable she felt about it, but in the end she was made to apologize for dragging her feet for so long and takes her photo for a pin up. Yuck. Gross. Bad. The only valid girl is Jun, end of discussion. None of this even holds a candle to the finale-- wherein the girls are directed by the Wall to disband, and, defying an order for the first time, the girls return to their agency and throw shit at the Wall until it breaks down. It’s revealed that the Wall isn’t supernatural-- behind it are tv monitors, photos of the girls as children, records of their activities. A person or people are behind this. Why??? Are they being groomed?? Is the Wall a metaphor for the Industry? I’m so concerned. The girls aren’t, though, because after a little side eyeing, they ascend a staircase and wow! A Stage! Our fans are all here for our reunion tour! And then they’re fine and I guess their idol group is back together or something? Did I mention the stage where they perform? It’s at a zoo. I can’t tell if this is the most scathing condemnation of idol culture I’ve ever watched or just completely oblivious. The characters don’t engage in any sort of thought about what they’re being put through, but they are performing their final song, the lyrics of which are about how life is just too hard to keep on living, at a zoo and I don’t think you can have that sort of thing happen unless you’re trying to make a point. Right??? RIGHT?!? Dance and sing, monkeys.

Smile Down the Runway was another show completely divorced from reality. So you got your main character, Chiyuki, whose thing is that she’s Too Short to Be a Model at her father’s very prestigious modeling agency. Which, like, is valid! Let’s see some variation in the modeling industry. Let’s shake it up. Let’s lead the charge for alternative models with bodies outside of the very narrow requirements of the fashion industry. What’s that, Chiyuki? You have no interest in that? You want to be a Hypermodel? I don’t know what that shit is, I think you made it up. Our other protagonist is Ikuto, the destitute, put upon, bobcut boy with a dying mother and 3 younger siblings who is trying to pursue his dream of becoming a fashion designer. Are you beginning to sense the problem here? There is a fundamental imbalance in the presentation of these characters’ goals and situations. Also? Emotions are at an eleven, always. Characters are always acting as if they’ve just seen someone get murdered in front of their eyes even when it’s like. There’s a messed up seam. They are constantly being mortified, crushed, and having their dreams ripped away. One time, two different assholes offered Ikuto magical mom-fixing blood money when he was struggling to come up with funds to pay off his medical debt at the cost of giving up his spot in the fashion show. Wildin’ 

Haikyuu didn’t exactly come in like a lion, but I’m sure it’ll be more organic upon rewatching. We were laying the groundwork for much of this season so I’m expecting it to payoff later, but the beginning definitely lagged. Every time Haikyuu hints at a women’s volleyball tournament, I want a volleyball anime with girls. Man, those ten minutes we got with Kiyoko? Those were great. 

I don’t have too much to say about Somali and Forest Spirit. Abe’s “Make Children” agenda feels at least a little more like a narrative choice in this anime, and I enjoyed Somali and the Golem’s relationship and their travels were in equal turns harrowing and heartwarming. And I did tear up at the end so you got me there, anime. 

In/Spectre has some balls being an anime. It’s existed as a light novel and a manga and those are both superior mediums for it because let’s put all our cards on the table here-- In/Spectre is a show about talking. Five whole entire episodes take place in a car. The finale is winning an argument in an anonymous 4chan chatroom. That said, I have such a fondness for In/Spectre. I think Kotoko rocks. I think a show willing to do nothing but talk at you for two hours is badass. Sitting through this anime is like watching a podcast. I think the show engages in some great dialogue about human nature and how we prefer stories that are theatrical, narratively-driven, and have a logical cause-and-effect, instead of the truth, which is more often than not grim, and disappointing, and illogical. I like that Kotoko’s only function, in-story and out of it, is to bullshit so hard she invents alternate realities. Anyway In/Spectre is good. 

There’s no praise I can lavish on Eizouken that hasn’t already been said. It’s powerful, it’s strange, it’s energetic, and it’s packaged with such love. It’s repurposed the CGDCT template into something deeply affecting. It’s an anime for people who love animation.  I hope everyone watches Eizouken.

[sparklyjojos]

CARNIVAL DAY recaps [2/13]

Today’s recap: Lots of monkeys and a nagging grandma figure, or: Yasha’s adventures in his hometown.

--

FIFTH ILLUSION

05 Oct 1996 — 18 Oct 1996

--

Yasha’s ancestor Inugami Sahei was a poor orphan, who at the age of seventeen was taken in by a Shinto priest. Later in life Sahei became a wealthy businessman known as the Silk King of Japan. His death shortly after World War II and the outrageous will he left led to a series of murders... 

The famous Inugami Family Murder Case just like the Saimon Family Murder Case was one of the Ten Great Crimes of the Showa period. It was even described in detail in Yokomizo Seishi’s book The Inugami Clan [which is an actual classic mystery. It has been translated to English and is also known under the name The Inugami Curse. This recap has a few tiny spoilers as to who survives in that book.]

The Inugamis weren’t quite as influential in 1996 as half a century earlier, but the people of their town Nasu still felt respect for them. Sometimes curious mystery fans came to see the famous tragic family’s house for themselves.

Like every other place in the world, Nasu was impacted by the Crime Olympics, the death rate in the town rapidly increasing. Several people spotted a giant person in a monkey mask walking around at night, perhaps on his way to killing townsfolk. Whether or not this Monkey Mask was actually a part of RISE, catching them would certainly put the people at ease. The mayor himself asked Yasha to investigate, and Sayo was as nagging as ever about him staying home for a while, so whether Yasha wanted it or not, he had to keep living in Nasu for now.

Juku told him on the phone that perhaps this Monkey Mask was connected to an ongoing serial killer case targeting police officers in Kyoto. Each week three victims would be murdered, the first body found without eyes, the second without tongue, and the third without ears, clearly symbolizing the three wise monkeys. Juku doubted the Monkey Mask and the Three Monkeys Killer were the same person, but Yasha should definitely check what’s going on.

The media quickly caught on to Yasha's return to town and kept talking about how the young genius was pursuing the Monkey Mask. The attention was becoming so bothersome that Yasha resorted to change his clothing style and wear sunglasses around town… which didn’t help much, as the silver hair was a dead giveaway.

All those monkey cases made Yasha think about his family’s old servant, Saruzou [the saru written with the kanji for “monkey”; the English translation of The Inugami Curse simply calls him Monkey]. Saruzou had once cared for their garden and was known for making wonderful chrysanthemum dolls. During the Inugami Family Murder Case, Saruzou saved Yasha’s grandmother Tamayo countless times, so in a way Yasha owed his very existence to the man. Saruzou disappeared some time before Yasha’s birth. Tamayo even ordered a chrysanthemum doll portraying him to be made in his honor.

One possible solution to the Monkey Mask case was that Saruzou came back and patrolled the town at night, trying to keep the Inugamis safe from potential attackers. That strongly built man even without a mask had an uncannily simian face.

Yasha kept hearing about new sightings of the Monkey Mask, so he sneaked out the window at night to walk around the town (Sayo would stop him and preach about danger if she ever saw him trying to leave normally). He honestly wondered how Juku was able to wear sunglasses at night, as they made it difficult to see anything.

When Yasha woke up from a nap one October day, he found a piece of paper tucked behind Kanaihidetaka’s collar. The message said:

Do not wander at night. Inugami house in danger.

— The Man in the Shadows

Yasha recognized this signature. During the Inugami Family Murder Case, one of the people involved wrote a certain important note and signed it as “the man in the shadows”. But if it really was the person Yasha thought of, they could have just warned him directly. Besides, not even Sayo knew about his nightly escapades. Did the message mean that Yasha’s wandering would bring danger, or that there was already a danger present and Yasha should keep watch over the family?

Yasha had no idea what was going on, but decided to keep sneaking out to investigate. That very night he spotted the Monkey Mask and tried to pursued him, soon joined by the local Shinto priest Hiyama, but the mysterious giant got away.

--

SIXTH ILLUSION

19 Oct 1996 — 01 Nov 1996

--

In the morning Yasha talked with Hiyama about the sightings. According to the priest, his trusted friend had seen the Monkey Mask head towards the shrine a few nights earlier. The friend woke Hiyama and they searched the grounds together, but found no one, as if the man simply disappeared. Last night Hiyama heard someone walking on the gravel path outside, saw the Monkey Mask and trailed him all the way to the town, where he lost sight of him for a good while. Then he walked into Yasha and they chased the suspicious man together.

News came later that a murder had taken place near where Yasha first saw the Monkey Mask. Could he have killed someone in that short time after Hiyama lost sight of him?

--

In the beginning of October, Juku called Yasha to say that Yaiba Somahito had kidnapped a boy and fled the country, an event just as surprising and shocking as all the disappearances. Tsukumo Nemu was ordered to ride the Trans-Siberian Express and catch Yaiba half-way through Russia.

Just days later, on October 5th, the ninth Billion Killer case happened to target Yaiba’s train. The ground suddenly bulged underneath the tracks breaking them, making the train fly out like from a ramp and land in Lake Baikal. Thankfully Hanto Maimu had predicted that something would happen in Russia and rescue teams were gathered near the lake at the time, so they could pull out the passengers (and a skull of the Billion Killer) from the wreckage.

A week later, on October 12th, another case happened at Loch Ness. The only surviving witness died soon after claiming they had been attacked by Nessie. Recovered video footage showed a long-necked something that attacked the gathered people and destroyed Urquhart Castle. The tenth skull of the Billion Killer was found at the scene.

On October 19th, a Robo-Ship identical to the one that had disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle suddenly appeared in the Niagara Falls. While sudden, the event didn’t kill anyone. No passengers were find inside the submarine, but the eleventh skull of the Billion Killer was recovered. This was the first time Hanto Maimu’s prediction was off, most likely because she would give birth soon.

On October 26th, thirteen people including the Cali Cartel’s boss were found shot in a hideout in the Amazon Jungle. According to a woman called Fabian who was at the scene, a strange man somehow escaped that locked room situation and took away the Billion Killer skull somewhere.

--

Thanks to contact with Juku, Yasha learned more details that the media kept quiet about.

A couple days before the Trans-Siberian Express derailed, many electric traction posts had been destroyed, forcing Yaiba’s train to switch from an electric engine to a diesel. That was the very reason why the train kept going even when the mysteriously bulging patch of ground broke the tracks. Right after the train went flying, the raised ground settled back down like nothing happened. It was possible that someone could have toppled the traction posts to force the train engine switch, but how they made the ground move remained unexplained.

The Nessie footage was found not to have been altered in any known way. It was interesting how when the monster was shot at, it didn’t seem to get wounded at all.

The Robo-Ship that showed up in the Niagara Falls was confirmed by the UN to be the very same that had gone missing in the Bermuda Triangle, an easy thing to check considering the Robo-Ships were experimental arsenal ships and very few had been made. The entire crew including Yomiko was still missing. While it was possible to steer an empty submarine remotely, getting it into Niagara Falls in that way was improbable.

As for the cartel shooting case, that man who took away the skull had used a Blue ID Card registered to Amagi Hyouma, but was apparently an imposter, as the real Hyouma had been in Japan at the time of the incident.

--

Around that time, Juku told Yasha about his plans to visit Jounosuke in Ryuuguujou. He planned to go there with Nemu and Fumonji Jouka, as well as Christmas Mizuno and Hikimiya Yuuya who were about to return from France. Yasha had to stay home, but asked to pass his regards to Jounosuke and prayed for his survival.

--

SEVENTH ILLUSION

02 Nov 1996 — 15 Nov 1996

--

Sayo had been working for the Inugamis since over a decade before Yasha’s birth. He didn’t know her age, but she had been school friends with Hiyama the priest, so she would have to be in her fifties. Most people called her Nekoma [猫魔, literally “cat demon”], which Yasha suspected came from her love for neko-manma (a dish made from leftover rice), or perhaps was a joke about how a “cat demon” would work for the Inugamis, “dog gods”. Asked about her real last name, Sayo just answered that she had forgotten it.

Yasha tried stealthily asking Sayo about Saruzou, but she instantly guessed that he actually wanted to know about the possible connection with the Monkey Mask. Sayo had known Yasha since his birth and so was able to tell what he thought at all times. She claimed that when you’re as old as she was, using all the life experience you have is in itself a sort of a detective reasoning method.

Yasha tried asking his grandmother Tamayo some questions. She told him that Saruzou had passed away a few years earlier, and that there were two chrysanthemum dolls of Saruzou—one made by the man himself shortly before his disappearance and portraying him in his old age, and a later replacement portraying him in his youth.

When Yasha then found the older doll in the storage, he discovered it was lacking its monkey-like head.

--

On November 2nd, a strange case happened in Indonesia when an old blind man walking through Borobudur tripped over a skull of the Billion Killer, fell down the stairs and died. The skull was then taken away from the scene by someone. What looked like a strangely trivial incident turned out to be very complicated indeed: the man didn’t actually trip over the skull, but miscalculated his path when the stairs had somehow grown a single step more. While only one person died, the mystery was just as mind-boggling as the other Billion Killer cases.

On November 9th, an Air France Jumbo Jet suddenly disappeared both from the sky and from the radars, only to reappear right over a major Parisian street on a collision course with the Arc de Triomphe. Quick attempt at an emergency landing let some passengers escape before the impact, but the event still resulted in over a thousand dead and nearly five thousand injured. Once again a Billion Killer skull was found.

Yasha was a bit too busy with the Monkey Mask to really think about these cases, and Juku didn’t call him much because of his visit to Ryuuguujou.

--

In order to solve the Monkey Mask case, Yasha decided to use his insomnia reasoning, which required him to go several days without sleeping. It always worked the best around 90-95 hours since the last awakening. Of course staying awake for this long required a lot of training and the right physical and mental preparations, and after a certain time Yasha would inevitably have to recover by sleeping for a long time, which would both reset the insomnia timer and put him out of commission for days.

And so Yasha stayed awake for a long time, trying to deal with the impulse to fall asleep, enduring Sayo still nagging him about leaving the house at night, and also marveling at how different his face in the mirror looked with a harsher expression, sunken eyes, and a somewhat disconcerting smile. Maybe the name Yasha really fit him, considering he really looked a little demonic when not sleeping.

--

EIGHTH ILLUSION

16 Nov 1996 — 29 Nov 1996

--

After eighty hours without sleep, the time was perfect for Yasha to head back to the shrine and solve the case. Sayo was still so determined to keep him in the house at night that she moved her mattress to his room and even escorted him to the bathroom, but he finally managed to outsmart her and sneak out.

Yasha and Hiyama met up at the shrine. They waited in hiding for a good hour until the Monkey Mask showed up, and then Yasha ran towards him from behind, caught his head—actually a mask made using Saruzou’s chrysanthemum doll—and pulled it off.

The Monkey Mask slowly turned around…

--

On November 15th (so a few days and a lot of sleeping later), when Yasha explained the case at a press conference, he announced that the culprit was—no one. Monkey Mask the scary villain had never existed, and the case was mostly a mass illusion.

All those Billion Killer cases illustrated pretty well that while people would not believe a strange phenomenon without tangible proof, if a convincing proof did exist—like the Nessie recording—they would be happy to believe in the weirdest things.

There really was no proof for the Monkey Mask’s existence other than eyewitness testimonies, but the coincidentally rising crime rate was the “proof” that made people believe.

What many eyewitnesses “saw” was just an optical illusion, a game of shadows at night. Others have fallen victim to someone’s prank—here Yasha showed everyone a monkey-like mask and said he had found it on the ground by the local shrine, apparently discarded by the bored jokester. It was a weak piece of evidence, but Yasha stated that the only proof needed would be that no one would see the Monkey Mask ever again.

--

As soon as Yasha got home, he watched the entire press conference, which proud Sayo had of course diligently recorded on tape. She kept talking about how cool Yasha looked on TV and how nicely he managed to hide the truth.

The Monkey Mask that Yasha had caught a few days ago was—well, no, not quite Sayo like his reasoning had told him. Instead it was a man he’d never seen before, apparently a mutual friend of Sayo and Hiyama. Sayo had come up with the whole Monkey Mask plan, started spreading rumors around the time Yasha came back to Japan from China, created the message from “The Man in the Shadows”, and even walked around in the mask, employing her friend or Hiyama to take over her role whenever she needed to stay home at night to create an alibi. Her plan had just happened to start right before the Crime Olympics, so everyone assumed a connection.

Sayo’s entire plan was simply to make Yasha stay at home with his family for as long as possible.

--

After the Monkey Mask case was settled, Yasha finally left the town and headed towards Kyoto, where he would meet with Juku again after over two months of working separately.

--

[>>>NEXT PART>>>]

[laytonsartblog]

How To Solve Everything

Little Spaces - Ch.2

Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3

Warning: This story contains violence, gun related violence, gang related violence, starvation, hypothermia, dysfunctional family themes, dysfunctional domestic themes, poverty, and homophobia/transphobia. Read with caution and at a good time for you. Take care of yourself.

--

Logan has a schedule he dedicates his life to.

First, to wake up at five am.

Next, is to get in the shower without a bucket. Why without a bucket? Because he's damn rich.

Y'see, when you're one of the most successful people in the country of Loríses, running a multi-billion dollar corporation on affordable apartment living and clean energy resources and steady bank loan agreements, well... you can afford some time.

That, and clean water.

Once that's all done and good, Logan likes to relax and have a nice breakfast in his humble top-apartment as he watches the news from the table.

The time didn't really matter when he woke up or finished eating because he never booked (or more accurately put, was forced to book) a meeting or council accommodation or ribbon cutting or something before eleven am.

Breakfast was his only sanctity; he made sure to have plenty of it.

With the news and breakfast over, Logan would head out to work with his classic polo and tie with a briefcase in hand, then spend about eight hours basically running around heading between business meetings and stock readings and introductory openings and apartment gatherings and- well, you get the picture.

Without a hitch, Logan'd get home at around seven-thirty pm, have some sort of dinner out with colleagues he really didn't care for, and get home to either sleep or do his favorite kind of work; charity work.

In the charity work's case?; he wouldn't get a wink of rest.

Today, Logan woke up like he would any other day, perhaps a little later than he thought he would, but that was due to his one am adoption centre charity bidding auction last night.

When he went to check his phone for any messages from his secretary for the day, he found only two from the uptight woman:

You have the day off, Mr.Corbett.

Have a nice day.

Logan looked on in confusion.

I have the day off? Why? he texted back.

His secretary immediately responded with a simple,You haven't used your vacation days at all for the past year, Mr.Corbett. If you don't use them by the end of September, you lose them. I took liberty of letting you off for the next week.

Logan was about to fight back and tell her he's coming into work anyway, but he found she's a bit faster with her hands.

You need it, Logan.

Go visit that old lady down the street, in the bookshop. Her name is Mrs.Tamry. She's my mother's sister and owns the place. She could use some company today.

Logan groaned. He wasn't moving the stubborn woman and that meant he actually had to take care of himself. Woe is he.

Logan grumpily put the phone to his bedside table before face-planting onto his bed. He groaned some more, kicking his feet and punching his hands into the pillows. Perhaps childish, yes, but Logan was never really raised to do much else than work. He didn't know what else to do.

Logan remembered the Mrs.Tamry from his secretary's messages a few minutes after his tantrum and sighed as he flipped over on the bed, rolling out of it.

After a shower he went over to his closet and picked out something a little more casual- a flannel and finer jeans -before stuffing down some toast to head to this bookowner.

Logan would admit that the bookstore part of the old woman was interesting; he's loved being read to and reading stories ever since he could recount the ABC's. It was one of the few pastimes he could be shown doing in public: his public advisor had once told him it made him look both gentle and intelligent, and the ladies would love it. Logan had just told him that he didn't care about the ladies and continued on his way to his office.

Logan finally made his way to the shop. He rolled his eyes at the name: "Book-Ends and Seller's Beggining." It was charming, if not a little corny, and Logan wasn't sure if this was really worth his time, but then he saw the little old lady through the glass sitting by her lonesome and let out a breath of air.

Dammit. Why do I have to feel so guilty?

Logan pushed his way through the tall glass doors and looked his way around, noticing the high bookshelves and neat working stations. It seemed grandma kept up with the times as Logan noticed a small table with a few charging stations attached to it, and a couple of teens doing their homework while plugging their phones in nearby. A stack of laps for rent stood on a shelf near the station.

Logan heard the old woman laugh hoarsely behind him.

"Well, now I wasn't expecting such a dashing young man in my shop so early in the morning!" Mrs.Tamry teased, still laughing. She got up from her weaved rocking chair and instead shuffled her way over to a flustered Logan. "Got some good bone structure- although the hair could use some work. A working man, hmm?"

Logan stammered at the guiding, touching hands and expert eye. "Yes ma'am, I- I am a businessman," he squeaked out.

Logan was used to just saying nothing while out in public, or worse, hosting everything and never getting a break. Having this conversation, if not an awkward one, made him sweat bullets. It was unknown territory.

"A businessman, huh?" Mrs.Tamry sang. She looked him over a few more times, noting the sweaty palms and pale face, before hollaring over to the kids in the corner, "Does this man look familiar?"

The three in the corner; a smaller, but colorful child, a tall but scraggly young fellow, and a boy with a star for his shirt all turned their heads.

The colorful kid snickered. "Nah, he looks too nervous to be any big shot I've heard of," they chided.

"Yeah, and what would he be doing here of all places if he was?" the scraggly lad questioned.

"Hey, knock it off!" the boy in the star shirt huffed. "The guy's probably super sweet and here to pick something up for his wife where they'll read fairytales to their kids and it'll be really damn cute!"

The colorful child started laughing hard; so hard, in fact, that they started tearing up. The scraggly kid did the same. The star boy just crossed his arms, looking to Logan with a much more innocent view.

Logan was sweating so profusely he was afraid he was going to faint. Mrs.Tamry just watched with a crooked smile at their imaginations.

"I am right, huh? You're just a nice guy!" the star boy asked, leaning in. The other two troublemakers got themselves together enough to lean in too, giggling.

"Yeah, tell us! Who are you?"

Logan couldn't stop himself before he even knew what his brain and mouth were going to say.

"I-I'm gay."

Well that was certainly new.

Logan realized what he said and covered his mouth with his hand, shock covering his entire face. Oh now you've done it, he roared at himself, you've told three kids and an old lady you're a disgusting pansy!

But the yelling and the chastising and the kicking-him-out-of-the-store never came. The other children looked to him in absolute glee, and the old woman just snickered.

"So what, dude? I'm like... mega gay too," the boy in the star shirt joked. He easily smiled at Logan.

Logan couldn't tell if he was being encouraged, or if he was doing the encouraging to the boy.

The other two children looked between eachother before looking to Logan. "We're non-binary. We use they/them pronouns. Could you please use them?"

Logan just barely managed a nod, his nerves in overdrive. He just outed himself and now these brave kids were coming out to him too? It was a hell of a thing to wrap around his brain. "O-Of course I will," he managed through chattering teeth.

Logan turned to the old woman last. He expected her to throw him out at first, but now he realized that she knew all this time. Now he looked to Mrs.Tamry in fear. The fact she could figure something like that out so quick was something Logan wasn't prepared to deal with, shock after shock being ran into him in the past ten minutes.

"Young man, you realize that this establishment has a 'We Accept You' sticker on the front, right?" she giggled, patting his shoulder despite him being a tree and her a stump.

Logan looked back to the glass and saw a mirrored version of that sticker on the door; clear as day.

Logan slumped his shoulders. "Oh."

Mrs.Tamry took his shoulders and guided Logan over to a seat, sitting in the one next to him with a sigh. "Ooh, that feels much better on my back."

Logan just stared at her, sweating and shaking and why had I not fought my secretary on letting me work-

Mrs.Tamry clasped a hand on top of his fussing one and smiled gently. The wild side of her had been turned down, and now something much more sweet laid itself out to the scatterbrained gay.

Logan felt himself calm down just a little.

"Now now, I've been told by my niece that her boss was coming in today to spend his day off. I'm to assume that's you, right?" she gently asked. The hand on Logan's softly rubbed it's thumb against Logan's knuckles.

Logan calmed down just a little more.

His tongue managed to unstick itself from the roof of his mouth enough to let out a small, "yes."

He didn't know why he was so freaked. Usually when he got this nervous he'd just bury it down like he had been for the past thirty something years but in this place, it felt like no matter how hard he tried, he was forced to feel everything he was feeling. Logan did not like it.

Mrs.Tamry sighed and used her other hand to tap a gentle rhythm in Logan's arm, giving him something to hold on to.

"Y'know, I didn't expect such a good man like you to be holding back so much fear. I could feel it as you stepped through that door," Mrs.Tamry commented, trying to make small talk.

Logan avoided her eyes. "Well, I haven't got much of a place to let it out."

Mrs.Tamry kept the rhythm on his arm while she hummed.

"Well that simply isn't good!" she preached. "Tell you what, if you're feeling so scared and trembling like you are now, you can always come to me, y'hear?"

Logan nodded a little. He could feel himself slowly relax, coming down from being so flustered and flabbergasted.

New places, new conversations- in which he made actual conversations instead of one-sided invites -new people, new ideas, new everything! It made his brain go into overdrive and his nerves alight. Usually he was able to handle it, bury it deep for later, but here? It seemed he couldn't stuff the feelings down.

Maybe it was Mrs.Tamry's wild but motherly approach, or the bookstore's inviting nature, or the teens he talked to earlier, but either way, Logan just sighed.

He was okay. He was safe. He was okay.

Mrs.Tamry pulled Logan up and rubbed his back while she headed him in the direction of the laptops.

"Why don't you do yourself a favor and find a game to play or- or a messaging site to talk to someone!" Mrs.Tamry then giggled cheekily. "It seems you don't have many friends, so now's a time to start!"

Logan took a seat next to the three teens with an awkward smile and a wave as he opened up the laptop. It was a little out of style, but it seemed fine enough as Logan booted it up.

"We never got your name, sir," the star boy asked politely while Logan logged in.

"Yeah! Like for example I'm Joan and that's Talyn, and he's Thomas, so now you know us!" the newly named Joan called out, tipping their beanie like a celebrity.

Talyn nodded along, playing with their colorful hair. "Homework is getting boring, we wanna know you!"

Logan turned to the three kids with a reserved smile as he signed up for a messenger site called GetAlong.

"My name is Logan Corbett."

--

Taglist

@amazable01 @vara-albion @sonicrainicorn @artist-of-the-moon @sparkedawg @unnipanda623 @kiibo57415 @anxious-sunflowe @thatonenerdphotographer @romanthestarstruckqueer @angels-and-dreams @midokiya @nedandn30 @chaosboitm @felicianoromano @supersoftsupersleep @icequeenoriginal

[checkoutafrica]

Twitch; The Romantic Gangster

What a great time to be alive! Right now we are in the middle of a revolution, African music is slowly taking over and finally receiving the attention it deserves. Even in a pandemic, no one can stop greatness!

All eyes are on us but more recently, all eyes are on rising African star, Twitch, as he releases his highly anticipated debut EP, Lost. The Ghanaian singer and songwriter manages to mix elements of Afrobeats, RnB, and Pop to produce a sound he likes to refer to as Coastal Music and I have to say it’s quickly become one of my favourite sounds – his song chaskele has been on repeat non-stop since the release of Lost.

The punchy, four-track offering centred around the theme of “love”, Twitch shares: “It’s been a long time in the making. A lot of effort went into the music in this project. I wrote each song to capture the emotions I feel and hopefully leave a piece of me with every verse.” His EP for me is a true representation of what it means to be young and the emotions we feel as we transition from young people to actual adults, so many of us are lost in love and so many of us are lost in life trying to figure out the people that we truly want to be.

This is literally only the beginning for Twitch – there’s a lot more that the continent and global music community can expect from the 22-year-old in years to come and I can’t wait to see his career blossom!

View this post on Instagram

What song are you listening to?

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Aug 13, 2020 at 3:58am PDT

When did you first discover your passion for music?

I’ve been singing since childhood, I grew with my grandmother, mom and little sister so we didn’t have electricity at the time and she didn’t want me going to a neighbours house or anywhere else really so she would teach us how to sing in parts. I’ve been singing since childhood, I was a choir director at my primary school and the secondary school too – I’ve always had this passion for music!

Would you say that your sound/ vibe has changed in any way from when you first started making music to now?

Yes because I started making music as a normal ling man who knew nothing about music. It was just me, my voice and vibes. Then when I met up with ground-up chale, that’s when things sort of changed – they’d give you songs to listen to and then they’ll nurture you – give you a couple of videos to look at, really help you move out of your comfort zone. I really think they’ve helped me to develop a lot as an artist. Then me, myself I listen to a lot of music, I’m always trying to better my sound- right now my favourite artist is Burna Boy. I feel like he talks to me all the time, as a musician, I would want to preach what he preaches as well, I feel like he says things that I would love to say but he makes it so perfect.

What would you say is your biggest achievement so far in your career?

When it comes to streams we’ve done well for quite some time because I think I’ve streamed more than a million on apple music, Spotify and youtube etc. I am very grateful for that, I’m still trying to connect people and bring them into my circle musically so I am doing that bit by bit.

View this post on Instagram

Really appreciate the love and support from you guys so far Chale. Pre add LOST EP by tapping the link in my bio

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Jul 26, 2020 at 1:14pm PDT

How did you come up with the term coastal music to describe your sound?

Coastal music is more of like music, let’s say from Africa but mostly from ghana – so music from like highlife but at the same time I’m also trying to get influence by other parts of Africa as well, I listen to Nigerian music, South African music and I fuse it all together. So coastal music can be music that you listen to with your girlfriend in your room or music that you listen to at the beach, in the stadium, when you’re sober when you’re happy – it fits every mood and you can listen to it literally anywhere. It’s just vibes; mainly Ghanian but also fused with other parts of Africa.

Tell us more about your ep lost.

It’s called lost because I feel like I’m lost in love and then, on the other hand, I’m lost in life – when I say I’m lost in life, I feel like this applies to everyone because people don’t know the right or correct formula to be successful, everyone is just coasting through life trying their best not to mess up and find their own paradise.

Then I’m lost in love – I’ve been in certain relationships and it happens all the time that I end up broken-hearted and I don’t know what the problem is because I am a very emotional person and I try to love people a lot and it never ends well.

Lastly, like I mentioned before I grew up with my mom, grandma and little sister so me witnessing arguments between my mom and dad before my dad finally left her at the age of 6 made me realise that maybe sometimes love is not real but it still is real – the whole thing is so fucked up.

How would you yourself describe the feeling of being in love?

Being in love for me is being in a moment where you can’t think of ANYONE ELSE but your partner, you’ll be in a position where anything and everything you do, you’ll be thinking about that person 24/7 – you just think about that person all day every day, it’s like your brain just stops multitasking. That’s love.

View this post on Instagram

No Returning

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Jun 4, 2020 at 12:20pm PDT

Which song from the ep holds the most significance in your life?

Every single one of them, I feel like I needed to say a lot but I was able to say enough on just 4 songs because if I had said everything, it would’ve been a whole album, you get me? I tried my possible best to say everything on those 4 tracks.

On the first song, I talk about the distance between my and my partner, at that time she wasn’t in the country but I was trying my absolute best to make her feel like I was with her and I don’t really give compliments in person, I’ve got this gangster thing about me so I put all my emotions in a song and be like “yo, just listen to this song, I’m trying to speak to you” I was trying to let her know that I’m always with her no matter the distance.

Then with the second song baby, at that point, I didn’t think about anyone else. It got to a point where even if she did wrong, I still didn’t have a problem with it, so I was just trying to exaggerate that I love her with that song.

The third song Chaskele, is when I was broken-hearted and I also drew inspiration from my mom and dad, my dad left when I was 6 and I didn’t understand the fact that my mum loved my dad so much and then they parted ways, I felt like I came into that position too when my partner left me.

Lastly, the fourth song on the EP which is dada and that’s me trying to motivate the youth and trying to tell everybody that you should know yourself and you should know the purpose that you’re meant to serve in life, once you know that, no one can ever lie to you because you’ll know your worth.

You call yourself a romantic gangster but not a romantic person, what do you mean by this?

Naturally I don’t talk too much and I am a very straight forward person, when I see you going wayward I will tell you directly and when I give out compliments I don’t say a lot so I feel like people don’t really feel it but I really do mean it, luckily for me, God has blessed me vocally so I’ll put all the vibes in a song and make you feel emotions through my music so you know what I’m trying to say.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for a girl?

I once travelled 6 hours to surprise a girl – I just texted her like “yo, what are you doing?” she was said she was in her room and I told her that I was in front of her gate. I didn’t even catch a flight, I was on the bus for 6 hours with my hoodie up because I didn’t want anyone to see me, I was just waiting patiently to meet her.

View this post on Instagram

4EVA @lelewan__

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Apr 26, 2020 at 1:23pm PDT

What is your favourite thing about growing up in Ghana?

Ghana is a very beautiful country you know? Compared to other countries I feel like it’s very relaxed, there’s no pressure from what I see. This country allows you to sit and think about how you can be successful in life, there’s pressure but there’s no pressure – the love is more than the hate, no matter how gangster someone may appear they still love their people. So I love being Ghanian.

If you could collab with anyone dead or alive who would it be and why?

Dead I’d have to say Michael Jackson or Bob Marley for obvious reasons! And alive, without a doubt Burna Boy, him before anyone else.

Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?

In the next 10 years I see myself being the topic of African music!

View this post on Instagram

Have You Watched The Video for BABY yet?

Check link in my bio!

A post shared by Twitch 4EVA (@twitch4eva) on Aug 15, 2020 at 10:27am PDT

Listen to his EP lost Now;

The post Twitch; The Romantic Gangster appeared first on CheckoutAfrica.

from WordPress https://www.checkoutafrica.com/twitch-the-romantic-gangster/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=twitch-the-romantic-gangster

[humankoalaa]

BLACK LIGHTNING 3X02

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

we’re not doing this the beginning of every episode tho .... we’re not. like ive had it with the vomiting 😩

bleeding out the eyes tho?! ... is this black lightning or shadow hunters 😫

LALA ISNT IN A TRACK SUIT ?!

ugh poor Henderson.

is that khalils mom tho?

LMAO gambi i said the same thing 🤣🤣 come on sis. we know that mamas cry.

ooooooo jefferson big mad 🤣 sit down. like just take the L you’re used to it.

this commander is such trash.

they can’t even call jenn and anissa?! their daughters?! smfh.

might as well kept the damn collar on jeff. hell all they need is shackles now 😒 kinda shit is this man.

they done got a cell upgrade in captivity, meanwhile anissas jobless in a loft and presumably unconscious still.

😫 grandma and grandpa fighting. keep all that negativity on the green arrow plz and ty.

this adolf reincarnate wanna be bout to be the next reverend with all this screaming huh?! you can get your point across using your indoor warehouse voice at a 6.

“quarantine be damned” 🤣🤣

only black lightning can use “grimey ass” and get away with it and only hendersons ass has the attitude to deliver it. i said what i said.

TIMEOUT. i know good AND got damn well anayah knows that’s anissas ass 🤣🤣🤣🤣

WHY DOES BLACKBIRD SOUND LIKE BATMAN?! WHY?!

jenn 🤣🤣🤣🤣 i love her so much.

odell has officially realized jenn ain’t the one 😂

he’s looking at her like “got dammit you know what just watch the video, take the phone, eat the food, surf the web, tie you shoes and stop frying government property!”

meanwhile jenns like nah. im good love. enjoy.

lawd they were lying through them smiles for jenn 😭

they really pulled out shotguns?! 🤣 also i can’t with blackbird and that mask. like do they really not know thats anissa orrrr

GAMBI!!!!!

henderson 🤣🤣 “do you ever run out of weird ass tech” MOOD.

henderson saying anissa is his heart 😭

i know that’s right gambi.

sis done lost her fingernails? 😩 they need to just let her go on to the thee almighty.

i can’t wait for Henderson to fuck up this commander ooooooo i know it’s coming.

yes for bread and crackers lala. he here preaching about crumbs.

scuse me mr. lala, you ever seen lesbians fight over crumbs?! clearly you haven’t. issa whole 2 seasons and we still ain’t seen anissa and grace hug, go on a proper date, NOT lie about something i mean i can do this all day.

we done been through 60 days and 60 nights, 80 acres and 3 mules, AND had to endure TWO grace droughts in 2018 ok?! meanwhile we’re still here fighting for crumbs.

you ever seen the movie antz mr. latavius?! that is a day in the life of a lesbian. okay?! pay attention. learn you something!

🤣🤣🤣🤣 they still killing lala only for him to get right back up 😂😂

i need lala to get up one of these days after being shot like “surprise mother fucker, got shot five times mother fucker, still alive mother fucker, IM NOT NOT DYN MOTHER FUCKER” i need this.

when did anissa learn sign language? you know what nevermimd she just be out here knowing how to do shit.

anayah ungrateful ass.

i cannot stress this enough.... blackbird can beat my ass to hell and leave me there.

awh lawd they done killed Mariam.

this dude talking to jenn on the stairs has a whole booger in his nose. you mean to tell me nobody in the editing room peeped that?! 😩

NO JAMILA IM OVER U BYEEEE

shut up and run jamila.

KHALIL

still don’t like his ass but heeyyyyyy giirrlll.

khalil... you ain’t even finish highschool ole masters in none having ass 😩

no the fuck he ain’t study none of that shit 😂😂😂😂

OMFG NO ODELL!

lmao i thought it came back on nope watchmen commercial 😂

it’s been on a commercial break for like 30 minutes come on man.

oh wow commander showing he has some sort of humanity left in him.

PAUSE he called khalil “it” 🙄 trash.

odell better stop treating my grandmother like the help thats all i know.

COMMERCIAL AGAIN?! it wasnt even 2 minutes since the last 😑

first of all lynn you’re not mad at my grandfather. relax.

awh lawd grandpa 😩😩😩😩😩

she pulled the “im a doctor card” 😂

this fight is so petty 😂

both of their asses need to be grounded and sent to bed.

michelle..... that ain’t your son sis. that ain’t him sis.

rip michelle. guess that’s why blackbird sounds like Batman so she doesnt end up like Michelle’s non anonymous anonymous interview 🤷🏾‍♀️

why they have her go out like that 😩 looking like kryptonite got her ass 😩

Lawd he done fucked up and called jenn a bitch.

jenn 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this ain’t a problem you want 🤣🤣🤣

jenn really just beat up the whole wrestling team... yeah she did that. her and anissa fight scenes always lit.

[john1513kjv-blog]

My Testimony: How Jesus saved my life (multiple times)

I was born and raised in a religious family (notably Catholic). Growing up I went to mass every Sunday, believing in God, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary (not really as much); or so I thought I did. In my middle school and high school years, I was like everyone else. I thought that everything was fine and that there was nothing wrong with the things I did (like lying, stealing things behind my parents’ back, cussing, saying rude things behind my parents’ back when they told me things I didn’t like.)

Though I didn’t realize somewhere down the line; things were about to change for me and my family. 2011 was the year that my grandma died and it affected everyone in my family, including my mom. Life hasn’t been the same for her. Once a happy soul eager to have people around, now is always suspicious of others, not wanting to go out or visit anyone, claiming people are out to get her. I didn’t understand much of what was happening. I just simply thought my mom was crazy. But at the same time, I wondered why God let this happen? Again, I didn’t thought much of it, I simply did more things things that were considering wrong in God’s eyes (like lying to my mom that my aunt called me and cursed my mom when I only called a local gamestop store to get a game I wanted, looking up porn due to a dare from a so-called “friend” and looking up fetish art)

In high school I dated this japanese-american guy who was an atheist, he was the one who proposed to me. At the time, I didn’t know much about what love was. It wasn’t until my parents found and got angry, not for the fact he was an atheist, but for the fact that I was texting him many times in class and it raised the price on the phone bill. My dad furiously told me to end the relationship immediately. I was really upset about it, yet I did as I was told. It hurt my now ex boyfriend and I was mad at what my parent’s said to me. So what I did was told him to just pretend to be friends but to keep the relationship a secret. It worked for only a month until my now ex told me that what I was doing was wrong to lie to my parent’s behind their backs. I didn’t understand at first until he wanted to end our relationship. Without question, I did what he told me and again I was upset. Little did I know that Jesus was doing me a favor. Had he not intervene, I would have ended up a homeless teen mom.

After breaking ties with the Catholic Church (due to my mom’s irrational, mental instability), my dad sought help elsewhere. We went to this Christian Church that supposedly teaches from the Bible but something about it was missing. My dad told me that he felt that there was something wrong in that church. Was it due to the fact it held church services on Sunday instead of the seventh day (Saturday) as the Bible said? Again, I didin’t think much of it. I went to this “revival”, not because I wanted to look for Christ, but for worldly pleasures.

Come 2014, and my dad was searching something on the TV (something to watch or perhaps something related to the Bible). That wasn’t until He found a channel called “El Evangelio Eterno” (in English: The Everlasting Gospel). Namely this Pastor (who’s the head pastor of this ministry) was preaching something that none of us has ever heard, the three angels’ message.

REVELATION 14:6-12

  6 And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people,                                                                         7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.                                                                                  8 And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication. 9 And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand, 10 The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb:                                                                                        11 And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name.                                                         12 Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus.                                                    

From then on, my dad wanted to know more of what they were preaching and that’s when they announced that they were opening a church a few miles away to where we live.The first one who went there was my dad. I didn’t pay that much attention to my dad when he watched the channel nor what they were saying or teaching. But one day (it was a Saturday), out of curiousity, I asked my dad if I wanted to come with him and he said yes. From there I always went with him to church, but at the same time, I was missing something. I learned about all the prophecies of the end times, that Jesus was coming real soon, about God’s real day of rest (Saturday), learned about the health reform that God can heal us, not just spiritually, but also from our physical illnesses too. I learned all these things, yet something was still missing. In September 2, 2017, our pastor preached to us (in a sermon of the end times) that Donald Trump signed the executive order to make Sunday, National Day of Prayer as a response to for the victims of hurricane Harvey.

At that moment, I was scared. I felt my heart racing. I thought to myself, “If I don’t get baptized soon, I might get left behind and receive the mark of the beast”. So I was one of the few people that got baptized that day, and that’s when I gave my life to Jesus. I studied more of God’s word, made a YouTube Channel to teach end-time prophecies, used my old social media accounts to spread the gospel (or so I thought I did) and I let go some of the things that I used to like (like stealing, secular music, looking up things that were not centered around God, video games [mostly because I was addicted to them and were the main reason I lied to my mom to get me a game]) and I thought I was saved. 2 years went by, I gave gospel tracts (but only at the front door because I was a little bit shy on what to say), and made posters that show the pagan origins of every holiday celebrated (except for thanksgiving).

Every Sabbath became dull, and everytime a sermon on end time prophecy is preached, I always listen yet feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I end up crying because I felt like I haven’t done much for the Lord. Everyday I always had a nagging feeling inside that something was wrong. It was until then I started developing a small legalistic mindset (meaning that if I didn’t do enough of what I was taught, I wasn’t gonna make it. Let me tell you, it affected my character greatly. I tried confronting people (including my old church friends) that what they were believing in was wrong and I used Scripture to convince them that they were wrong (instead of using it in a correct and humble manner) and they would fight back and I couldn’t be able to respond either because I didn’t know much of something or I didn’t want to risk embarassing myself. I became self righteous, but in the inside (I was good at masking my character) I started watching conspiracy videos and things involving the New World Order and the Illuminati and thought that God wanted me to tell people about it. I only told a few people about it, little by little, with a little bit of bible prophecy, yet I was still scared.

Overtime, I was interested in learning a little bit about the health reform that I signed up to be a medical missionary, so I can learn how God can heal people physically and spiritually (like how Jesus preached and healed people as well). I remember signing up and was super exciting about it. It was very interesting to learn at first, but just like church, it became very dull. Along with my legalistic mindset, I developed some minor depression, anxieties, which didn’t help that I suffer from a mild case of ADHD (a mental disorder I had since birth).

These things filled my soul with even more but I didn’t want to admit it. Come May 24, 2019, I went to this church retreat center in the mountain, where they were going to do seminars on the art of apologetics. The third day, I was there and I got up early to attend church service in the main audience hall. I didn’t remember much about what the pastor was preaching but I remember hearing something along the lines of the pastor saying, “God has given us all this light to share to the world” “What exactly are we doing with that light?” The sermon hit me hard that day and my anxieties rised up again and I felt extreme fear inside, that God didn’t want me anymore because I didn’t do enough. After the service ended, a sister from the service stopped me as I was leaving. She told me, “What is wrong? Why were you crying?” I told her my problems and I mentioned to her that I haven’t brought a soul to Christ for 2 years and felt like I wasn’t good enough. She responded kindly with: “Everyone in the church feels like that, including myself. That’s why we come to learn how to do these things. God knows your heart, and knows that you want to serve Him, but you just have to be patient and He will let you know when it’s the right time to do it. You don’t have to do everything at once because God didn’t call you to do any of that. The reason is that you’re not completely ready yet and He is still teaching you His word. He won’t let you carry more than you can handle. Just keep your eyes on Him and you’ll be fine.” I listened to her and thanked her.

The last thing I remember I ran to my cabin and I went down on my knees crying with all my heart, “Thank you God, Thank Jesus, Thank you for saving me, for sending me this sister to comfort me. If it wasn’t for you, I would have called it quits. Forgive me Lord, for losing sight of why I am here. Forgive me for having this legalistic mindset, for being decieved to think that works saved me when you did it all for me through the sacrifice of your only Begotten Son. If I have to wait 5, 10, or even 20 years for me to be where you want me to be Lord, I’ll wait. All I ask is to never let you go and to never lose sight of you.” After that, I felt like the weight of my chest was lifted off. I understood God’s grace and mercy on someone like me. A 23-year-old woman with ADHD, a quirky sense of humor, artistic talent, yet always tries her best to love others. Jesus saved my life many times in my past, even now. All because He loved me enough to die for not only for me but for you who’s reading this.

That’s right, He loves you also. He loves you enough that He died so that you and I could be free from your sins and reconnect with God. All it takes to turn away from your sinful lifestyle (whether it be drugs, prostitution, masturbation, homosexuality, theft, hatred, alcoholism, addiction of any kind), and learn to live for Jesus. <3

JOHN 3:16-20

 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.            17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.  

18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.                                                                                           19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.                         

20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither* cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.                                                                       21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.                                                                                                        

[sexy-monster-fucker]

Relating to Malachite’s Story of Abuse

People who have been following me for a while will know about my ex boyfriend who I left back in October after over a year of a relationship.  I described the situation to you as being a relief that I was done.  I was exhausted, I lost weight, I lost sleep.  I was unhappy.  But, at the same time, I was happy.  

Allow me to take everyone back to the beginning of our relationship.  I was two years younger than him, in High School when we met.  I was young, and had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who has physically and emotionally abused me.  Wounds were still fresh.  I was still grieving.  I was searching for the thing that had been preached to me in media my entire life: true love.  I met him through theatre.  My (former) best friend had brought him to practice because we were needing more male actors.  (I had met him once before.  At a football game.  He was one of my close guy friends friend at the time.  He was with his girlfriend.  This was months before he would come into our auditorium.)  My friend happened to be one of his exes (his first if I remember correctly), one he had fallen in love with.  He was still hung up on her.  Head over heals even though she was dating someone else.  She used him.  A lot.  He was her toy.  She would call crying over her boyfriend, he would answer and do anything to help her.  Which sounds like a good friend.  Until you realize she was calling him, asking him to buy her things.  Begging for him to bring her “that thing she liked.”  That is not friendship.  That is abuse and manipulation.  

Back to he and I.  I remember being intrigued by the short guy who wondered in with my friend.  I knew him.  He had just got dumped by one of my middle school friends.  She was still my friend at the time, but we were not close.  (She and I still talk to this day.  Very nice girl.)  His ex (girlfriend at the time) and my best friend had came to my birthday party that past January.  His ex (girlfriend at the time) had fallen asleep on my couch, snuggled up to a 4 ft tall Spider-Man plush I had with a party favor in her mouth.  It was funny.  We thought he would enjoy seeing his girlfriend like this.  I asked if anyone knew his number.  Of course.  My best friend did.  She had it memorized.  So, I sent him the picture.  She dumped him later in either February or March (around the same time I was in an abusive relationship much different than the one I am telling about).  She had valid reasons for dumping him.  Reasons I would soon learn about.  

They sat in the corner together.  He and my best friend.  I was performing.  He was new and sat in the audience to watch to learn.  After practice, I introduced myself.  I remember wearing his hat.  He was a nerd.  And so was I.  I had no intention of dating him at the time.  I barely knew him.  Why would I consider that.  He was fairly good looking (especially by my standards.)  After practice that night, I called my best friend.  We did this often.  We called and talked on the phone.  We were friends, it was nice to have someone to talk to.  I was also recovering.  I needed someone to talk to.  I did not like where my mind went when I was alone at night.  It was scary and I did not like scary things.  She calmed me down.  I do not recall her being abusive.  Not until he got involved.  I took a fancy to him towards the end of March.  He had been in theatre for probably a month.  He and I were friends.  I remember him waiting outside with me one night for my grandma to pick me up.  We were talking.  We talked every chance we got.  I remember us talking about continuing the conversation.  He offered his phone number, and I accepted.  Handing my phone over for him to plug his own number in.  We smiled.  My grandma pulled up to the curb shortly after that.  We texted for quite sometime that night.  

We continued this for about a month.  I remember one night texting him, but then he went silent for almost three hours.  I was worried.  I did not know what was going on and I was not getting a response.  Someone who usually texted back immediately was suddenly silent.  I was young.  It freaked me out.  In the past when a boy I was texting went silent, it was short after him threatening to kill himself.  Fear came with silence for me.  I sat in my room, not wanting to bother him.  “He has a job, he’s busy,” I would tell myself.  I tried to calm myself like this often.  Rationalizing helped.  Even though sometimes it was not rational at all.  He finally texted back and I sprung to my feet.  “Hey.”  I was so worried.  And all I got was a “hey”?  I would take what I could get.  Turns out, my friend had been having boyfriend trouble again.  So he talked to her.  I texted her, as her best friend who was worried, asking her what was going on.  She told me nothing was going on.  She told me she was happier than ever.  I told her about what he had said.  She told me she just wanted to talk to him so she made it up.  She knew he would talk to her if she was sad.  It’s how she liked him.  Feeling pity on her.  I remember giggling with her about it.  On the inside I knew what she was doing was wrong.  But she was my best friend.  I needed to support her.  I now know that was wrong.

Skip forward a bit.  It’s opening weekend of our play.  He and I had gotten a lot closer.  I finally broke down and told him about her intentions.  He, of course, did not believe me.  But, he knew her longer, so of course he would believe her over me.  It did not bother me.  Our delightful night talks were getting to a point of not being as delightful.  They were becoming more and more erotic as we continued to talk into the night.  I was still a virgin at the time.  This was all new to me.  Someone who, I thought, actually liked me showing interest in something like that was mind blowing.  The last time my relationship had gotten sexual was with my abusive ex.  He would often show me things on his body that I clearly was not comfortable seeing.  Often during school he would put his hands on me, even though I expressed I did not want that.  He violated me.  But.  He was my boyfriend.  Maybe this is what having a boyfriend was like.  I now know that is wrong.  I remember feeling things I had never felt with this new boy.  He made me feel like he wanted me in more than one way.  He made me feel like he wanted us to be together.  So.  The Sunday of opening weekend, I let him have what he wanted from me.  It was consensual.  I will not lie in saying I was not as intrigued in him as he was in me.  But.  I was young and stupid.  I thought he was wanting a relationship with me.  He had asked me out over the phone the night before, so of course he wanted to be with me.  Looking back, if he had truly wanted me sex would not have been the first (and sort of only) thing on his mind.

Our relationship was rocky from the start.  The day after he had asked me out, one of our makeup artists - who is one of my good friends as well (she will also be super important later on, so remember her) - informs me that she had walked in on my best friend and my now boyfriend alone in the dark together in the dressing room.  She told me he begged her “Don’t tell Hunter, please.”  I did not think much of it.  They were friends.  I did not think he was doing anything crazy like that.  I told him that him being close to her made me slightly uncomfortable.  He understood and told me he would hold back on being so close to her.  Compromise.  It’s part of a relationship.  I also told my best friend about how I felt.  She told me she understood.  She was getting a new phone number in the next couple of days and told me she would not give him the new number.  Easy fix.  Or so I thought.

Everything was fine for the next month.  He met my parents and I met his in this time.  I was happy with him.  But that would soon change.  He was over at my house one afternoon.  We were spending time with my family, but my mom needed to go to bed because she had been working all day prior.  So we decided to go outside to hangout with my little brother.  It was getting dark and I knew his parents would be there soon.  I told him I would go inside and check to see if his dad texted.  But what I found was something worse.  They were talking again.  Planning to go behind my back to go out together.  Hangout without telling me.  Now, you have to understand.  This was a big deal to me.  Two people who I had been so close to were betraying me.  It hurt.  A lot.  He came inside to check on me.  I did not want to look at him.  I ran outside.  I was feeling overwhelmed and emotional.  He saw what I was looking at on his phone and chased after me.  He was trying to talk to me, but I did not want to listen.  He had no excuse for what he was doing.  He was just apologizing.  I was angry and upset.  It was so much.  His dad pulled up in my driveway very shortly after that.  I told him to go.  He did not want to leave until he made it up to me.  He never did.  Really, I knew he did not.  Once he got home, he texted me a long paragraph about how sorry he was.  Telling me I was the only girl for him.  Telling me how much he cared about me and how much he loved me.  He blocked her on everything.  Promised me he would not talk to her.  I believed him and told him everything was fine.  

This was only the beginning of his going behind my back.  It seemed constant as we progressed.  He was going on vacation with the woman he and his father lived with (who, to him, was his step mother even though his father and she never were romantic).  I was happy he was getting to go out.  He worked seven days a week.  His parents were business owners, he had to help.  I was going to miss him, of course.  But I would never stop him from going.  He arrived and told me he was having a good time.  I was happy for him.  But later that night, he texted me.  His texts seemed off.  I asked him what he was doing.  He told me he was drinking.  Let me go ahead and say, I am strongly against underage drinking.  He promised me at the beginning of our relationship he would never do something like that.  It was just something that made me uncomfortable (when I was young, one of my brother’s friends died while drinking.  He and another person got into a fight while drunk and the other person hit him in the back of the head with a beer bottle.  It killed him.  It scarred me).  I remember my heart sinking as I asked him if he was serious.  He told me yes, but he did not see why that was a big deal.  But it was to me.  It bothered me and he knew that.  I expressed this to him.  He told me I was being dramatic.  I grew angry.  I called him on the phone.  I asked him if he thought this was funny.  He told me he had no idea what I was talking about.  We got into a screaming match over the phone.  This was not the way things should have been resolved, but that was what happened.  I cried, he yelled.  And vis versa.  He told me he would stop.  I knew better, but it was three in the morning and I was ready for it to stop.

Things were okay for the next little bit.  It was a lot of small arguments.  My parents told me that it was odd for two people to argue to me.  I told them we were not really arguing.  It was just how we talked to each other.  That was, of course, a lie.  But I did not want my parents to keep me from seeing the boy I was dating.  I did not care how much we fought, I still loved him.  My parents told me our relationship was too new for me to know if I loved him.  I told them I did.  Them telling me this was not going to stop me.  Honestly, it fueled me to be with him and love him harder.  I was stubborn and really did not care what my parents thought.

Skipping ahead to the next big event of abuse in our relationship.  It was late November.  We had been together since that past April.  He had been being suspicious.  I had a bad feeling something was going on.  I had questioned him on it, he told me nothing was happening.  I was smarter than that, but I let it go.  I did that a lot, let things go.  It was what I was good at.  I was always good at letting it go.  I was sitting at the lunch table when one of our makeup artists - the one I mentioned before - came up to me.  “Hunter, I have to tell you something.  You can’t get mad at me though,” she said.  I was worried.  I asked her what was up.  She showed me something on her phone that still haunts me to this day.  He had been sexting some fourteen year old girl.  I felt my heart sink as I read the sexual oriented messages.  They were in great details of the things he was going to do to her.  I felt sick.  It made me sick.  He was supposed to be in a committed relationship with me.  What he was doing was cheating.  It is as simple as that.  He was cheating on me.  I did not hold it against our makeup artist for telling me.  I was thankful she did.  No one else would have.  I stormed to the gym where he was, screaming.  (According to my friends who were in that class, I used the word “fuck” four times in one sentence without them being back to back.)  My friends say they have never seen me more angry/never been more afraid of me than that moment.  I was furious.  That is hands down of the most angry moments I have ever had.  My emotions were high.  There was so much going through my mind.  I wanted answers.  I demanded them.  I screamed at him in the hallway.  The gym teacher walked in, coming to class.  He stopped and asked me if he could do anything to help, I told him no.  I had it under control.  So, we stood there.  Screaming in the hallway.  I wanted to know when this happened and what motive he had for doing it.  I was shaking.  I did not know who the boy standing in front of me was.  This is not the boy I had fallen in love with and dedicated so much time to.  I had given him so much.  But all he did was take.  Constantly.  He was basically apologizing through the entire fight.  But he did not feel remorse.  He was upset he got caught.  Our vice principal came up to us, asking what was going on.  He did not begin crying until an adult came around.  He did not want to look like the bad guy.  

That night he told me details about how it happened.  Telling me she had came where he worked with his friend (who might I add was trying to date the girl at the time.  Convenient.  A real betrayal of his friend), and given him her Snapchat.  They began messaging back and forth.  It led to talk of sex.  He never owned up to sleeping with her, but I am smart enough to put two and two together.  But.  His motive is what stuck with me.  Not the messages.  Not the pictures that were exchanged.  He told me that it was because I was not giving him enough attention.  He told me that it was my fault he did it.  He was acting out to get my attention back.  The sad part is... I believed him.  But.  I did not want him to leave me.  He was the boy I had fallen in love with.  Him leaving would have ended my life.  I could not live with out him.  Despite everything...  

I stayed.

We fought a lot from there on.  I had trouble trusting him or anyone else from there forward.  My paranoia was at an all time high.  I pushed people away.  I accused people of lying to me.  I closed myself off from anyone and everyone, but him.  I was loosing myself.  I hate to admit it, but I lost myself entirely.  There was no more friends.  It was just he and I from there on.  I dedicated myself to him.  Because truly, I blamed myself for what had happened.  I knew I was not perfect, but him telling me that was the nail in the coffin.  I needed to win him back.  I needed to give him all my attention.  He needed to know that I loved him and only him.  I wanted him to know he was all I wanted.  I didn’t need friends if he was there.  I spent all my time with him.  If my friends invited me out, I told them I was busy.  On the rare occasion that I decided to go, he would blow up my phone the entire time.  Asking me if there were other boys there.  Asking me where I was.  Asking me why I was not responding.  I was with my friends.  I did not want to have to be worrying about him.  But when he would go out, I did the exact same thing to him.  I was paranoid.  My actions were justified (to me) by the fact that the couple of times I did not question, he was doing something I would not approve of.  We were both childish.  It was stupid.  We were supposed to have trust.  That’s one of the biggest parts of a relationship.  But.  He broke my trust.  

Time progressed and it seemed like we were doing better.  There were small hiccups here and there, but I looked over them.  We were in love, at least that’s what we thought.  It was time for our one year anniversary.  We were okay.  He had not done anything for a while.  We were content.  But.  Come to find out he was going behind my back yet again.  This time it was something I was strongly against because I was allergic.  He had started smoking and vaping behind my back.  I found it on his phone.  He had been texting someone (who he swore to me he had stopped texting) about vaping and smoking.  I confronted him on it.  He told me “He just thinks I have that stuff.”  I am not stupid.  I saw the messages.  I told him to stop lying to me.  He got mad and slammed his foot on the floor and screamed at me.  Storming out.  I had friends and co-stars around who thought he had just put his hands on me.  I reassured them that he did not and went to follow him outside.  My director reassured me and I explained to her what was going on.  She calmed me down.  

My boyfriend came back inside.  I confronted him once more, but away from everyone else.  He owned up to what he was doing.  He told me it was, once again, partly my fault.  He told me I did not engage him enough.  He was bored of me.  But he still loved me.  He had done so much that my anger was not as ferocious as before.  I was disappointed.  He was crying, but I felt numb.  So much had happened in the past that I was not surprised anymore.  I was upset, a little angry, but mostly numb.  I yelled.  He hugged me.  I felt nothing anymore.  I forgave him once more.  I went on like nothing happened.  We had been together for a year.  I was not just going to throw that away.  It was stupid of me to stay.  But I always stayed.  

We spent the next of our year together.  I worked with him at a firework stand for the 4th.  We spent almost all our time together.  But I could not help but feel like I was growing angry inside.  I would sometimes look at him and not feel anything.  I was not attracted to him.  I felt like I was beginning to hate him.  But I stayed.  But my mental health began to grow worse.

It was bad.  I was always angry.  I took everything out on him.  I will own up to that.  He made me feel like I needed to.  He made me feel like he deserved it.  He had done so many things to me.  Cheating, lying, manipulating, he had done it all.  It was bad.  

I began to grow less and less fond of him.  He made me hate him and myself.  I knew what I was doing to him was wrong.  I also knew what he was doing was wrong too.  He abused me.  But I also abused him.  Our abuse was going both ways.  It may have never been physical, but our constant fights.  His lashing out.  My paranoia.  His cheating.  My obsession.  It all began adding up more and more.  It was not a romantic relationship anymore.  It was staying together because we were both too scared to leave.  Or for that matter, we both believed we were in love.  Maybe that was love.  He and I had grown up with not so perfect representations of what a healthy relationship was.  My mom was constantly picking fights with my dad because her mental health was not (and still is not) the best (something she has still yet to have checked out).  He grew up with an abusive father who constantly belittled him.  His mother died when he was five, so he had no representation of a healthy relationship in his home either.  So, to us, this all seemed normal.  It was far from that.

I broke up with him in October.  We were doing good at that point.  But I had been telling myself it was only time before something else happened.  I loved him.  We had been together for almost two years.  But I was falling out of love.  We were on Facetime and I told him I thought we needed to break up for real this time.  He was confused.  He asked me why and I explained to him what was happening.  He told me that he wished I did not want that.  I told him we would be in limbo about it for a week to see how we felt afterward.  I thought I missed him for that week.  But I did not.  I felt free.  I felt like I was not sick anymore.  I felt like I was not being held down.  I told him I did not want to loose him completely from my life.  I told him that we could try to be friends.  So we did.  But not a day did not go by that he did not confess his love for me and tell me how beautiful I was.  I did not want this.  I wanted him to be my friend.  Not the boy who constantly pawned over me.  I told him I needed him to stop messaging me.  He did not want to.  I asked and asked, until I could not ask anymore.  I unadded him on all social media.  Blocking him on sites such as this one.

I took months after that to love myself a little better.  I had good friends.  Theatre helped get my mind off things.  My friends were happy I finally left.  They told me they wished I had done it sooner.  Some people were surprised.  They asked me why.  I told them I had been wanting to for a while, but could never bring myself to do it.  I had spent a lot of time thinking about it before making the decision to leave.  More time than I should have.  But it takes different people different amount of time to do things.  My time just happened to be longer than others.  He still had some of my things in his possession of which I needed back.  I told him I would stop by after practice and pick them up.  I was scared to go alone.  I really was.  It had been a while since I had seen him in person.  So, I took my (now) best friend with me.  I had planned on taking her home that night anyway, so it was a simple way of having someone with me as a safety precaution.  We pulled up to the place he worked and I messaged him that I was outside.  He came out and looked disgusted to see that it was not just me,  This did not bother me.  My safety was my priority.  He handed my things, but did not go back inside.  

He fell to his knees at my window and asked me why I wanted to leave.  I was embarrassed.  I did not want this to be the interaction that was going to happen.  I wanted to get my things and leave.  He was begging.  Begging me to take him back.  I told him I did not want that.  

He told me that things had gotten better between us.  He told me he would be different this time.  He told me he would do anything to have me back.  He told me I was all he ever wanted.  He told me he loved me.  He told me how much time we had put into this and how it was silly to throw it away so fast and sudden.  Which may have been true, but I did not feel the same way.  

I told him he needed to move on.  This was not healthy.  I told him I was not interested in being romantically involved with him.  He did not take this well.  He screamed at me, telling me he would never move on.  He stormed off and punched the wall outside of the building.  He proceeded inside.  Angry with me.  It made me feel bad.  I felt like I had hurt him.  But that’s part of it.  Part of moving past abuse may being upsetting people.  He was not actually hurt.  He was upset because he did not get his way.  I know that now.  That all those times he was upset and made me feel bad for wanting something different than him, it was because he was not getting his way.  Not because he cared about me.  

From that night on, I have only spoke to him twice.  Both times to check on him.  He sometimes texts my friends “checking on me.”  He texted my best friend asking how I was.  She told him I was doing great, telling him she and I were getting closer.  He told her he just wanted me to be okay.  I believe he was just checking to see if I was moving on.  I was.  Happily moving on.  My mental health was slowly improving.  I was talking to new people and getting myself out there.  I was changing with my growth.  It was making me happy.  I was starting to like my life.  I was making friends and talking to all sorts of people, who before I was not allowed to talk to because of him.  I was happier than before.  And that was one of the most important things. 

Of course, my world was not perfect.  Around Holiday season I fell into a deep depression.  I was lonely.  Sad.  This was the time of year to be hanging out with the person you love.  But at the same time, I felt numb.  I could not feel joy anymore.  I could not feel anything.  I was empty.  I thought I missed him, but I only missed the idea of him.  Because I did not miss the abuse we both shared, but I did miss having someone to talk to every night.  I missed seeing someone every day.  I missed having a partner.  But I still closed myself off.  I did not want to let anyone in.  I was texting someone (my now boyfriend) at the time.  But anytime I thought of it furthering, I got frustrated with my thoughts.  I got mad at myself for thinking anyone could love me.  I did not deserve love.  Who was I to deserve love?  Every relationship I had failed.  I was always the one to leave.  But it was because all I did was push people away.  I told myself I was crazy.  Delusional.  Pathetic.  This was one of the lowest moments in my life.  Suicide lingered over my head almost every night.  I was alone and thought I should be alone forever.  Lowest moment, by far.

This relationship took a tole on me.  It made me not trust people.  I still do not trust people.  It made me paranoid of everyone around me.  I cannot trust someone out of fear of them using me.  I feel like everyone in the world is out to get me.  I sometimes have nightmares.  My past haunts me, but I would not undo it.  It made me into a smart person who is better equipped to deal with trauma.  Smart enough to (sometimes) tell if all someone is doing is using me.  I still struggle with trust issues quite often.  I struggle to let people in.  I struggle to let people know about my problems.  I grew accustom to holding all my feelings inside and not letting anyone know what is wrong.  I am growing.  Learning.  Allowing more people to love me.  Allowing myself to love other people.  It has been a real struggle for me.  But I am doing better.

It has been over half a year since leaving the abuse.  I am doing better.  I am in love with someone who does not abuse me.  Someone who actually cares about me.  He and I are happy.  I have never been as happy as I am now.  He does everything in his power to make me know I love him.  He is amazing.  I could not ask for more.

I am telling you all this to help you know that you do not owe anyone anything.  You do not owe your partner sex.  You do not owe them every waking second of your day.  All you owe them is faith.  Being faithful to the person you are with.  If cheating ever crosses your mind, maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship.  It’s better to leave someone than cheat on them.  Be the bigger person and own up to your thoughts.  You can never come back from cheating.  It will forever taint someone’s image of you.  If you are being abused, please be strong.  I know how hard it is to leave.  But your health and safety are more important than any relationship.  Please take care of yourself.  You are the only one of you out there.  Remember that.  

Remember, I am always here to talk.  I will help anyone who needs it.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  It’s not weakness to ask for help.  It’s quite possibly one of the strongest things you can do.

If you stuck around until the ending, thank you.  I appreciate you reading.  Thank you for stopping by.  

~ Love, Hunter.

[queerchoicesblog]

Marlinspikes (ILB, Danni x F!MC)

This is my last February prompts fanfic and...I warn you that it’s pretty ANGSTY/SAD (to say the least xD). Just so you know, the inspiration for this one came from Castle of Glass by Linkin Park (quoted below).

Requested by @darley1101, this fanfic takes place two months after the Pine Springs flood. Danni notices that Harper (F!MC) is still hurting badly for the events and the secrets they uncovered and encourages her to open up with her. Warning: this is pro-Josephine even if, as you’ll see yourselves, it’s a tough call for Harper. Also, special thanks to @brightpinkpeppercorn: our ILB conversations were essential for this fic...and I give you full credit for the “sin sentence”!

Prompt: “Let me love you”

Word Count: 1994

Perma tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @psychopathdreamer21 @abunchofbadchoices @bbaba-yagaa @silverhawkenzie @begging-for-kamilah @melodyofgraves @bhavf 

Tags: @esteladannishreyakamilah 

Warning: occurrences of bad words

________________________

Bring me home in a blinding dream

Through the secrets that I have seen

Wash the sorrow from off my skin

And show me how to be whole again

Harper had been unusually quiet since she was discharged from the hospital after the flood. Sure, she had every reason to be shaken but it'd been almost two months now and she didn't seem to make any progress. She hanged out with the group, celebrated Parker's promotion to Chief of Police, went on dates but every now and then you could still see her gaze sadden and wander into the distance. She was there but at the same time, she was far away. Danni noticed and decided to investigate. So here she was, knocking on Harper's grandpa house with a box of food in her hands. She was concerned: Harper, well they all went through a bunch of traumatic experiences lately but Harper was Josephine's granddaughter and the whole thing really took a toll on her. Understandably, of course. Danni wasn't under no false illusion to see her finally happy but she would have loved to see her a little less haunted than she was -Danni could tell - beneath her tough, jokester appearance. And, on top of that, it was no mystery that she would have come back to Hartfeld in a couple of weeks. The mere thought of it made the girl frown. She didn't have to wait long, When Harper opened the door, the young woman couldn't help but notice the dark circles around her eyes badly hidden with concealer. Danni put on the brightest smile she could manage and raised the box. "Special taquitos delivery for Miss Vance" she beamed.

Harper's tense jaws relaxed visibly. "Well well aren't you the most adorable girl on earth?" the Vance girl said, pulling her in a quick hug and brushing her lips against hers. "Thank you so much, Danni. Please come in and make yourself at home: mi casa es tu casa, that's how you say, right?" Danni walked in and made her way to the kitchen. Harper followed her and lazily leaned on the threshold. "Will you stay for dinner? Elliott is out with Grandpa, they went to pay a visit Tom and I think they won't be back soon...so we have the place for ourselves" The last line was supposed to be flirty but the smile on Harper's smile didn't reach the eyes. Danni put down the box on the table and asked: "Depends, do you want me to stay?" Harper wrapped her arms around herself. "I...I could use some company. Especially your company" Danni's heart tightened seeing the infamous Harper Vance who won't turn down a tumble so vulnerable. She felt that if she had hugged her a bit too tightly at that very moment, she would have crumbled to pieces between her arms. "Then I'll stay. Let me heat them a little, they're tastier that way. Why don't you dress the table in the meantime?" The other girl nodded and mechanically gathered a tablecloth, plates, forks and knives. Then she opened the fridge. "Hey it's your lucky day, beers are on the house" she announced picking up two bottles. "Sounds like I won the lottery" Danni winked, heating the pan. Then, as her girl handed her one the bottles she opened, she spoke again: "It's none of my business but why didn't you go with Elliott and your abuelo? I mean Tom's is a friend of yours too" Harper took a gulp of her drink. "Yeah but Grandpa wants to ask him to repair his boat and frankly, I'm sick and tired of boat talks and of water in general." "Preach to that" Danni toasted. "And...I just needed some alone time. You...you are welcome to stay though, obviously" "Alone time you said...something's troubling you, isn’t it? I mean, more than usual. You have a lot to process..." "No, I just...I just wanted to relax at home" "You sure?" "Yep! Are your legendary taquitos ready? They smell delicious!" When the food was ready, the sat down and Danni filled Harper in on the latest events in town, her new photojournalist work at ClickIt, how she got to have a Skype chat with Leah Myers...anything to keep the other girl’s mind busy. However, she was taking a sip of her beer when it happened again. Harper's slowly diverted her eyes and looked out of the window. Her gaze wandered off into the horizon and she went quiet. She had barely touched any food. "I messed up this time? I mean, my taquitos" Danni asked tentatively, hoping to bring her back. Harper shivered and her blue eyes fell on her again. She looked like someone who woke up from troubled dreams. "Sorry, I spaced out" she said, smiling grimly to herself. "Hey Harper, are you sure you're okay?" "Yes, I'm...I guess I'm less hungry than I thought" "Forget my tacos, talk to me" Danni pronounced it as if it was a prayer. "You know, at least I hope you know that you can come to me for anything. I know that something is troubling you, I can tell even if you're trying to hide it. Talk to me, let me help you" Harper looked her in the eyes for a while as if pondering her words. Then she hung her head in defeat. "I don't know what to do, Danni. And I...I wish my mom was here cause she always knew the right thing to do, unlike me" Her voice cracked and she grabbed her head, covering her face to Danni. The photojournalist immediately dashed towards her and squatted down beside her, gently stroking the girl's back. "Harper, it's okay, I'm here" "Nothing is okay Danni! Nothing" Harper muffled against her own hands. "Hey, move those hands aside, look at me" A sob escaped Harper as she started shivering again underneath Danni's palm. The former barista pulled her a bit closer, always stroking her back reassuringly, and gently removed Harper's hands from her wet cheeks with her free hand. "You have every right to be upset after all that happened, let it all out, I'm not going anywhere"  she said softly, cupping one of her cheeks. "I thought I was strong, Danni but this, this is so much to process, too much" "You're one of the strongest people I've ever met, sweetheart! You always kept your cool and brought us together even when you were scared too: that's strength in my book" Danni gave her a sympathetic smile "You miss your parents, yes?" Harper's eyes welled with new tears. "Yes and the scene, blood everywhere, their bodies laying on the ground...I still replay the scene in my head sometimes, it's brutal" "I'm telling you what to do: next time it happens, you pick up your phone and call me, deal?" Danni squeezed her shoulder affectionately. "I...I have no one to talk about that" Harper admitted "Elliott has nightmares too and I don't want to upset him even more. When we found them it was hard enough" "What about Grandpa?" A flash of anger gleamed in her eyes. "Grandpa got them both killed! I would never talk about that with him: he would give me pathetic puppy dog eyes when he was the one who sold them! He told those fucking pricks and now mom and dad are gone. They literally laid on the ground in their own blood...because of him!" "Okay okay, sorry Harper!" Danni tried to calm her down before speaking again. "You hold a grudge to your abuelo, don't you?" Harper shattered her jaw and nodded, as warm tears streamed down her face. "I can hardly look at him...I try to play along for Scooter's sake but the truth is I think I hate him or something like that. I don't think I will ever forgive him for what he did to my mom, my dad and Josephine" "But Josephine almost killed us all, almost killed even you..." Harper looked fiercely into Danni's eyes. "She was betrayed by the man she loved and who made a vow to protect her and their daughter, Danni! He knew who those assholes of the Society were and yet he told them everything and didn't even try to save Josephine. She did no harm to anyone, she knew the dangers of the Power and carefully avoided them but then Grandpa handed her to those bastards. They threatened him to hurt their daughter instead, mom, because obviously he told them about her too and he helped them torturing grandma. She told me the whole story, Danni...it was awful: he handed Astrid the marlinspike that bitch stabbed into my grandmother's heart. They tortured her and forced to turn into the monster we all saw. But she was right..." "Innocent people died, you could have died...while your grandpa was maybe weak but-" "Weren't Josephine, mom and dad innocent too? But they died because of him! He is a coward and that was his sin" Harper cried "He ruined everything, Danni..we could have been a happy family, we could have been happy and safe if they were all here" Danni sat on Harper's lap and wrapped her in the tightest hug, gently cradling her girl as she cried herself out on her shoulder. After a few minutes, the Vance girl spoke again, her voice rough and tired. "It's so hard to pretend but I want Elliott to heal and be happy. I just...I will never forgive Grandpa and I'm on alert every time they are together, like if there are still cultists out there and they find them will Grandpa protect him or hand him to those pricks only because they yell louder? Elliott is all I have left...”

Danni stroke her cheek, wiping away a tear with her thumb.

“Can I speak now, Harper?” 

The other girl nodded.

“Harper, you don’t have to go through that alone. This pain you feel now-”

“This pain is all I have left of them. Of my family” Harper grimaced “But you’re right Danni...Grandma Josephine killed so many innocents blinded by her wrath. I can’t change that. The people here will always remember her because of that: she will always be the Lake Monster to them, to anyone...maybe I should leave this place after all”

“Stop it, Harper! If...if you leave this godforsaken town” - the mere thought of it made Danni frown- “you will do it because you want to: on your terms, not like a fugitive or something like that! You can’t feel guilty for all those deaths, you have nothing to do with them. You may be Josephine’s granddaughter but you’re not her. She would be proud of the woman you are now, for what it’s worth"

Harper winced, diverting her eyes.

“I know that...I rationally know that, Danni...I just” her voice cracked “I just feel like that marlinspike they pushed into her chest, the one I used to let her go...I just feel it burning in my chest too all the time as if I have no air left to breathe-”

“Then let me help you remove that marlinspike. I cannot assure it won’t hurt, but I will be at your side every step of the way. I will hold your hand and wipe away your tears. I will steal an oxygen mask from the hospital if need be! But please, Harper...let me love you, let me help you heal. We can do this together” 

Danni pronounced the last words, resting her forehead over Harper’s. Seeing the girl she fell for so broken inside was killing her. They both kept quiet for a few minutes, cherishing the moment.

“Will...will you show me how to be whole again, Danni?” Harper asked tentatively as she parted to show the weak smile on her face to the other girl.

“Of course, I will show you how to be whole again, H.” Danni confirmed before placing a tender kiss on Harper’s lips.

Then she added, gesturing at the girl’s plate:

“I believe you can get started taking a bite of those tacos. We will write a full list of survival tips later, okay?”