#NOOOOOOOO NOT GERALD!

[thatweirdocryptid]

NOOOOOO!

DEAD BUG WARNINGG

Yo this guy's name is Gerald

Or nickname: Jackass

[cdyssey]

This is @straperine’s fault. I have an essay due tonight, but noooooooo, they were like Barb/Gerald/Melissa hours.

CW: Sex Mention/Alcohol Mention

—

After Melissa divorces Joseph, it’s not a suggestion—not even close.

It’s a fact.

“You’re coming to stay with us for a while,” Barbara says one night when they’re all having dinner together, and Melissa’s hands are shaking so badly that she can barely chop the vegetables for their stir fry. The kindergarten teacher secures the knife and hands it to her husband, who lightly touches Melissa’s arm before capably taking over.

“Nuh-uh, nope,” Melissa vigorously shakes her head as Barbara refills her wine. “I’m not imposing on you two.”

“You’re not imposing,” Barbara insists emphatically, with all the righteous indignation of a tent-revival preacher.

“Not at all,” Gerald agrees, his voice soft, barely audible over the rhythmic percussions of the knife. “We love you, Mel.”

The Howards have talked about this—night after night after long and charged night. Neither of them want Melissa, their closest friend in the entire world, to be alone in the wake of a tumultuous divorce, and yet, they refuse to even so much as broach the topic of what it means that they both jumped at Barbara’s suggestion that they invite the younger woman to share their home with them, nor do they discuss how the effect that it produced upon them was instantaneous.

(Of one mind and of one accord, they’d had the best damn sex that they’d had in a long time.)

“I love youse guys too,” Melissa shrugs helplessly between swills of Merlot, “but I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m—”

But whatever protestation that she’d been going to make is immediately undercut and undone by the fact that fresh tears are forming in her eyes, and oh, God, she hates that. She hates crying in front of others, hates appearing weak, but it just hit her that she’s going to be alone in her big, empty house again tonight, and she keeps having nightmares, and Joe—

Fuck that bastard.

That utter stronzo.

She still miss him all the same.

“You’re not fine,” Barbara finishes for her, gently encircling her hand around Melissa’s slender wrist. Her chest thrums at the touch, all of her nerves electric, but she holds on. She doesn’t ever know how to let her best friend go. “And that’s perfectly okay, sweetheart.”

“Let us take care of you, Mel,” Gerald adds without looking up. “You’d do the same for us...”

Melissa looks between the couple, tender and so speechless, her heart an obstruction in her throat.

But eventually, she nods once to show that she’s understood.

She’s absolutely not fine.

She needs them.

(And they want her—they really do!—and she pathologically needs to feel wanted. It is the only way she ever feels secure.)

“Shit, last time I was in a threesome, I didn’t feel nearly as warm and gooey on the inside,” she tries to joke as she leans into Barbara, as she finds herself soothed by Gerald humming to the Sam Cooke song warbling upwards from the record player.

“Melissa!” Barbara cries, torn between amusement and alarm. 

Gerald chuckles, and it’s a rich, crooked sound that settles pleasantly upon them all.

“You’ve been in all the wrong threesomes then,” he smirks, winking at both of the ladies. 

And Melissa laughs so hard that she feels as though she’s going to bust her damn remaining kidney, and Barbara desperately tries and gloriously fails not to crack a smile.

They have a lovely rest of the night, eating dinner and drinking wine, talking about everything and nothing.

They make plans to go over to Melissa’s house later and grab her clothes.

They’re doing this.

[rosetta-j-stone]

So, for anyone who's seen/read An Inspector Calls...I imagine the writing process went something like this?

(Disclaimer: I do actually quite like this play)

Priestley's long-suffering roommate: Ah, Priestley, still writing that play set in pre-war England I see.

Priestley: Yes, and since you said my title "HAHAHAHA, PAYBACK'S A BITCH YOU ISOLATIONIST IVORY-TOWER-DWELLING DELUSIONALS" wasn't subtle enough, I've decided to go with "An Inspector Calls".

Roommate: I see, and is the inspector still called Major Foreshadowing?

Priestley: No, I've settled on Inspector Goole. Get it? Goole?

Roommate: Ok...

Priestley: IT IS A PUN.

Roommate: <skimming through the manuscript> Hmm, don't you think it kind of gives the audience the impression that you have a chip on your shoulder about the nouveau riche?

Priestley: That is sooooo not true.

Roommate: Really? Because your portrayal of Arthur Birling is -

Priestley: I hate ALL RICH PEOPLE. Look at Gerald. He's old money so you'd think he'd have some class but PSYCH he also turns out to be a total wan-

Roommate: Look, is this about that time that posh eejit insulted you at a party?

Priestley: (pause) Noooooooo...

Roommate: It is isn't it.

Priestley: (scribbling furiously) CALL ME A SOCIALIST CRANK WILL YOU, YOU ELITIST BASTARD?!?!?!

[smallpotato80]

Re-watching ACGAS series 4, I think I can almost hear Siegfried’s internal monologue about Gerald: “Him?”, “ Stupid poopy head”, “Gerald, Gerald, Gerald🙄”, “Noooooooo!”, “He’s going to take her away. My Mrs. Hall🥺”, “But did he give her a dog? No! I think not”.

[alloutofgoddesses]

S08E07 - Hotshots

- Entertainment Tonight is a crime

- Everything on ET looks so forced and uncomfortable

- Demon legion?

- What just happened

- “Well… you know” he ate with that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- UNDERCOVER ATHENAAAAA

- NICE

- Why are they making Angela Bassett use all the gen z lingo

- “Discord”

- oh noooooooo Athena what happened :(

- Aaaaaa THEM

- Baking kick!!

- Lemon loaf! Walnut loaf! Pumpkin loaf!

- I also love loaf Chimney

- DO NOT CALL ANYONE YOU MENACE

- Ponds! That’s my thing!

- Special person!

- BRIE oh my god dude

- Oh Maddie

- Oop

- She sure is!!!!!

- I’m sorry. Buck is the blabbermouth? Chimney…

- Group hug!!

- I love when brothers

- Hi Brad

- Lmao! “It is love! Send help.”

- Incredible delivery

- Okay so are we addressing the trauma of this for 118 or nah

- Hi Gerald

- Hi Eddie

- Oop

- Oh Buck’s going up

- And we are not currently addressing it

- Why would we

- Hello rebar head

- Gerald you good bro

- Good Lord

- Hollywood Bob!

- Hugs

- Nooo Athena is limping :(

- :(

- Yawn

- I do not have it in me to care about Probie Sparks

- Get his ass

- SHE WOULD GOOGLE HERSELF lol

- We have unlocked a new pasta

- STAY STRONG

- Buck… my baby

- Also that contact says Buck

- Incredible parenting skills on display from Eddie and Hen here

- Like they both have definitely had to play phone keep-away before

- “That’s what scares us” SCREAM

- “He’s got my phone” I think I’ve been Bobby during this about sixteen times in the last week

- This is incredible I am having a wonderful time

- Oop hey Chief

- I get it Brad

- Lmao

- Sk8r boi

- Yawn x2

- If I have to hear Angela Bassett say Flash Rob one more time…

- “Before you retire” SIR

- Athena is trying to kill him with lasers

- HEN AND ATHENA WINE TIME THIS IS NOT A DRILL

- Wise words from Hen

- Gerald.

- HA

- Gerald you cannot change

- TAKE HIM TO DINNER I CANNOT

- Brad wants to wear Bobby’s skin like a coat

- NOOOOOO SHE SAID IT AGAIN

- I love obviously empty cups like the vibe is just different when a cup doesn’t actually have anything in it

- Oh my good god

- Maddie I will always love you

- Sigh

- Why is he doing all that

- And AGAIN she said it againnn

- She just called him a bitch

- What. The fuck. What the fuck

- BOY WONDER

- I mean his last name is Sparks

- He looks like my troublemakers

- Like I am sorry but he looks like he wants to say something very offensive

- More baking with Buck!

- God he looks great

- HI JEEEEEEEEEEEE

- THE MOST SPECIAL PERSON

- Awwwww he loves his niece so much look at his face

- LOOK AT THEM

- She wants all of them!

- I am gonna explode

- Oh it’s time for the Brad and Bobby date

- The rumour mill is gonna mill

- There’s the olives

- Brad Torrance you are so scary

- Oh noooooooooooo

- He’s a divaaaaaaa

- Get his ass Bobert

- Hell yeah

- I love Bobby Nash with my whole heart and soul

- “Menaced”

- I know this woman is clearly a Karen but I personally love that word

- Oh boy

- Not a sovereign citizen

- This is not fighting oppression my girl

- Sparks… oh no

- Oh no

- OH NO

- Bruh…

- So this is why we trust Athena’s instincts

- And also. Did we /have/ to do this storyline?

- I feel like this storyline was completely unnecessary

- BOB THE DRAG QUEEN LIPSYNCHING TO CHAPPEL ON DOCTOR ODYSSEY?!?!

- Anyway back to this woman being shot apparently

- Breathe girl

- Oh that’s cool I didn’t know they made masks like that

- I only know the ones that are like a flimsy piece of plastic

- And she is walking with a crutch 👀

- SHE IS REQUESTING ONE

- Ohhhhh Athena…

- Aaaa they’re watching Bobby’s takedown of Bradley i love them

- AAAA NOT THE BRITISH ACCENTS

- It was just for a second and I need more

- Hey Bradley

- Eddie lmao

- He is so weird

- Bobby is not a zoo animal my friend

- Hehehehehehe

- Fall finale!!

- Oop

- … I’m sorry. They are combining a car crash with a drowning accident

- W. T. F.

[oopsislipped]

Nightmare Time 2: Honey Queen Live Blog

Spoilers!

alright so I didn't watch the episode live because. reasons but HERE I AM

THE NEW ACTORS ARE IN THE OPENINGGG

"no one wants to go to your stupid cherry festival."

I love james, corey and curt wearing the same wig while Jeff is just the same as always

DYLAN AS GERALD LET'S GOOO

"stop giving them 100 dollar bills." "it's just pocket change!"

I love Gerald so much

Mariah is so pretty,,,,,

"SHE CALLED ME A BOOMER"

PAPER HAT JEFF

ok but what ate the origins of the Hatchetfield/Clivesdale rivalry?? why is living in the rival town so frowned upon? does Alice get the same treatment when she's with her mom? does this have to do anything with the eldritch entities lurking around? the plot thickens

"I'd say go to hell, but you're already moving there! <3"

HOMOPHOBIC ZOEY?

wait nvm. still fucked up

oh fuck it's Sam again

OH SHIT

like when she what the tennis coach.

HIDGENS IS BACK

Sam what

Sam what do you mean.

SAM???

it would have been great of they named the choreographer James

WHAT. THE FUCK.

What THE F U CK

zoey's so rich now she only needs two roomates!

"not this. I spat in this."

THE HAMILTON REFERENCE

Paul camEOOO

"her rage boils over." "ªªªªªªª"

Paul cameo 2 electric boogaloo

*looks toward the horizon* "I hate homeless people"

SING IT LAUREN

HUH

HUH???

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

GET HIM GERALD

I just realized every time Sam makes an appearance in the Hatchetfield series he gets hurt somehow (if I remember correctly he was in forever and always?? please correct me if I'm wrong)

NOOOOOOOO GERALD

Gerald my beloved you were terrible too but you will be missed

"I love you. also there is a literal body hanging from the ceiling,"

what do you mean church.

what

HUH

H U H

WH A T

WAIT WAS THE PIGLET THING FORESHADOWING

well

guess it runs in the family am I right

[thoslittleghosts]

2 DAYYYYYSSSS

Arnold and Helga arguing about the FTI rooftop and Gerald goes:

[infizero]

SONIC HUNGER GAMES: ROUND 2

I decided to format this a little differently - it will still be categorized by day/night, but the full round will be all here in one post for easier access. 

Another note: I replaced Sonia and Manic with Jet and Wave since they’re more present in the series than them lol.

Now, let’s get on with it!

DAY 1

*distant lesbian noises*

SONIC NO

IT’S ONLY THE FIRST DAY JET CHRIST

NOOOOOOOO

HOLY SHIT WAVE

all the other tributes: murdering each other, making truces, dying, questioning their sanity

silver: peacefully fishing

[Deaths: Metal Sonic, Eggman, Cream]

[Remaining tributes: Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, Rouge, Silver, Blaze, Vector, Espio, Big, Mighty, Ray, Infinite, Chaos, Charmy, Omega, Maria, Gerald Robotnik, Jet, Wave]

NIGHT 1

i can see that lol

DAY 2

i love these teams they’re so fucking random. can you imagine chaos and gerald robotnik working together

this one i find funny because i would totally be down for a team of sonic, shadow and maria, but then big is also there for some reason sjfgjslsdjslgs

[Deaths: Blaze]

[Remaining tributes: Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, Rouge, Silver, Vector, Espio, Big, Mighty, Ray, Infinite, Chaos, Charmy, Omega, Maria, Gerald Robotnik, Jet, Wave]

NIGHT 2

infinite commits arson

same

HOLY FUCKING SHIT AMY FINALLY SNAPS

:(

DAY 3

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

probably to start another fire lmao

amy with a hatchet who will she kill

it’s probably from infinite’s fiery rampage

ARENA EVENT: ACID RAIN

sdlkgjsdlgjkldsjglks AMY,,,,

most of these are just “[blank] survives” or “[blank] is unable to find shelter and dies” so i’ll skip all that but like a shit ton of people just died

[Deaths: Espio, Sonic, Silver, Charmy, Amy, Rouge, Infinite, Omega, Big, Jet]

[Remaining tributes: Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, Vector, Mighty, Ray, Chaos, Maria, Gerald Robotnik, Wave]

NIGHT 3

wow there is a LOT of singing going on tonight

:’)

-Day 4-

[Deaths: Vector]

[Remaining tributes: Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, Mighty, Ray, Chaos, Maria, Gerald Robotnik, Wave]

-Night 4-

-The Feast- (it was mainly just people just deciding not to go)

DAY 5

maria: grandpa why are you conversing with a small yellow squirrel behind my back

i’d imagine that would be relatively easy, considering he’s made of water. couldn’t he just stick his arm in the water, wait until a fish swims up into him and- wait. why is he even fishing in the first place. he doesn’t have a mouth he’s a GOD he doesn’t need to eat ??

oh well that’s... depressing

JESUS CHRIST WAVE HAS NO CHILL IN THIS ROUND

[Deaths: Mighty, Knuckles, Tails]

[Remaining tributes: Shadow, Ray, Chaos, Maria, Gerald Robotnik, Wave]

-Night 5-

DAY 6

WHAT THE FUCK MARIA

[Deaths: Shadow]

[Remaining tributes: Ray, Chaos, Maria, Gerald Robotnik, Wave]

also can we talk about the fact that maria has 4 kills

NIGHT 6

YOU ARE A BIRD

you are made of water im going to lose my mind

OH MY GOD MARIA’S A KILLING MACHINE

SHE JUST MURDERED HER WHOLE DAMN FAMILY

NO MERCY

-Day 7-

ARENA EVENT: MONKEY MUTTS

well damn. f

[Deaths: Gerald Robotnik, Wave, Ray, Maria]

[Remaining tributes: ...]

WINNER: CHAOS

I cannot believe Chaos won just by fucking off to go fish and get more water instead of actually killing people. Hunger Games Pacifist Route lmao

I definitely want to do more of these, maybe tomorrow~ I think I’m gonna replace Chaos with Mephiles next round for more variation.

[patdsnaps]

panicatthedisco: Allen TX. @jakechams #deathofabachelortour

[askbeelzebub]

Guess what Gerald?! I'm gonna kidnap Bertie!!!!!

Gerald makes a loud noise of alarm, and kicks you in the shin as hard as he can, glaring at you. “Noooooooo!” He squeals.

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S1E15

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

He [Gerald] has a very green eye!

[Thunder Rumbling]

That... is a lot... of rosaries

Oh no, the electricity went out.  Looks like somebody’s gonna die!

Was that a growl?

“Hello?”  *singing to the tune of “Animal Mystery Song” from Zoboomafoo”*  Who could it be?  This murderer whomst I don’t see?  Can you help me guess this- there he is....

Whoa....

Fight Club!

Craaaaap!

*Fish almost gets jumped by two rapists*  Craaaaaaapp...

“Here's a promise, boys.  The first of you to come at me will die like *snap* that.  The second will die slow.  So, boys, who's first?“  Oooohhh!

*snaps fingers*

And it’s snowing!

Oh did they [Jim and Lee] go on a date this time?

I like the blue lighting on the bridge in the background behind them [Jim and Lee]

“What about the bedroom?”  “The bedroom I [Lee] think you'd [Jim] like.”  “Yeah? Taxi!“  Hahaha!

“I'm [Lee] coming to work at the GCPD.  I'm you're new medical examiner.“  Oh yay!

:D

*absolutely squicks out when Gerald starts using a meat grinder* 

I mean, I’m used to gore, but I don ‘t like when machines are involved!  EEEUUUGGHHH!!

Craaap, does he inject it in Jonathan?  Does he use Jonathan as a test subject?  God... man...

*Gerald injects himself with the fear toxin*  Ohhhh, nevermind!

What’s his [Gerald’s] fear?

*imitates Alfred saying “Master Bruce”*

[Bruce] Hug!  Alfred!

Hug!  Alfred!  Come on!

“Maroni will surely try and kill me [Oswald].”  “Yes.  The lamps should go.“  *snorts*

“I can have the club?  It's mine?“  *cups hands around mouth*  Call it the Iceberg Lounge!

“As for Maroni, leave him to me [Falcone].“  Mmmm... interesante...

“Office romance always ends in tears.  Tears!  “It's not gonna be like that.  Trust me [Jim].“  Season 3, buddy, Season 3.

Bruuuce, what are you doing?

“See, Gerald had a theory that fear was an evolutionary flaw in humans.  War, rape, theft, murder It was all caused by fear.“  Really?

“Gerald wasn't trying to prove he was right about fear.  He was trying to cure himself of it.“  Why?

Crane developed protocols for two inoculations, himself and somebody else Subject B.”  “Ooh! I wonder who that is!”  Subject B... it’s Jonathan!  It has to be the son!

Why do they [Gerald and Jonathan] live in a dilapidated house?

So, he’s [Gerald] using the hormones... to get over his fear...OK...

Oh, he’s trying to adjust to it [his fear]... so that he can conquer it.  OK...

“Are you ready, Jonathan?  Are you ready, son?“  Nooooo!

Take these [invitations] to everybody on the list.  But not this one.  This one I [Oswald] want to deliver in person.“  Ohhh, he’s gonna invite his mom...

The guy who plays Mace looks really familar... I don’t know why.  It’s definitely the eyes...

AN:  Babs Olusanmokun also played one of the members of the Hand in “The Defenders”

Noooo, he’s [Oswald] gonna deliver it [the invitation] to Jiiimm!!

What the hell, Oswald?

I like this music actually

“What I want, the poor have, the rich need, and if you eat it you'll die.“  Nothing!

“Are you [Ed] asking me [Oswald] a riddle?”  Yes he is.

“Did you know that male emperor penguins keep their eggs warm by balancing them on their feet?   Isn't that neat?“  *actually takes a moment to snicker into her sleeve*

“Nice to meet you [Ed], sir.  Keep moving.“  You guys are gonna have a really weird history coming up so...

“It's good to see you [Jim], old friend.“  ‘Old friend?’ He has the audacity to call Jim ‘old friend?’

“I [Jim] don’t want you [Oswald] coming here.”  Oooohhh, yes!  Make him leave!  Yes!

“[Jim] One day soon, you'll need my help.”  “You'll come to me [Oswald].”  True!  Season 2!

Seriously, someone give Oswald a cane or something.

*Jim throws Oswald’s invitation in the trash*  Ohhh!

[Gerald] YOU’RE WASTING HALF YOUR STUFF WHEN YOU *mimics using syringe*

What’s he [Jonathan] see?  What does he see?!?

I like the natural lighting that they use on this scene with Bruce in the woods

*Bruce falls down a hill in the woods*  Crap!

That is a lovely house!

“He's the meanest son of a mother bitch in the courthouse.“  Son of a mother bitch... ‘son of a mother bitch’ was an insult that I literally just heard on this show.

What’s Jonathan scared of?

Oh, he [Jonathan] running.  He’s running!

Scarecrow!

Wait, what if Jonathan isn’t afraid of anything but something happens here:  then he becomes afraid of scarecrows, like the one right behind him!

What’s he [Jonathan] scared of?  Which is gonna soon be scarecrows but c’mon!  What- what is it?

*Bruce starts climbing up the hill with a sprained ankle*  Where’s your backpack?

There ya go.

I don’t think a stick is gonna help, bud.

*Mace starts hitting on Fish*  Ooohhh, bad idea....

*Fish slices Mace’s throat*  Ooooohhhh!!!

What’s he [Gerald] doing?

*Gerald gives Jonathan a full syringe of fear toxin*  Noooooooo!!!

*gasps when Gerald gets shot*

“It's all right, son! It's all right!“  *clutches chest and groans* 

They need to get him [Bruce] a dog!  Where’s Ace the Bat-hound?

“Hello there, Master Bruce.”  Freaking Alfred!

“Thanks for your help.”  “Yeah, I [Alfred] never got you [Bruce] down there, you know.“  *trying not to laugh*  Alfred!

“Well, Alfred, we can only stay if you think you can handle it.”  “If I can handle it?  Mate, this place is positively cushy compared to some of the places I've slept at.  Cup of tea, you cheeky monkey?“  :)

“Expensive stuff.  Let me see.”  Break the bottle!  He [Maroni] gonna break the bottle!

Drink ALL THE BOOZE!

*Bruce and Alfred watch the sunrise*  Oh, that’s lovely...

“I’ll [Lee] be discreet.”  Discreet works!

Hahaha, he’s [Jim] like *makes frustrated noises*

“All right, everyone gather around!”  *starts singing “Score Tonight” from “Grease 2″*

“My eyes!  They took my eyes!”  *bug eyes*

Whoooo the heck is this?

“Jonathan's brain activity shows he's in a constant state of intense terror.”  “How long until this goes away?”  “Well that's just the thing, Detective.  We can't be certain it ever will.“  *sighs*

“Imagine the thing you fear most in the world.  Imagine that it's all you see.  Every waking hour.“  Poor freaking kid...

*Jonathan starts hallucinating scarecrows* OOOOHHHHH!!!

WHhAAAAAAATTT?!?

YO, OH MY GOD!

*boogies out to ending theme*

Oh my God!  And we don’t get to see him [Jonathan] until Season 4!  Man!