#NO. NO THEY WOULD NOT.

[lunar-wandering]

does anyone else ever like... start reading a fic with like. yknow. typical superhero character with a secret identity. and then like. immediately exit out if said secret identity gets revealed just a little too early???

i cannot count the amount of times ive opened a fic and then exited out cause a character revealed their secret identity immediately to someone within the first three paragraphs like where is the DRAMA?? THE BUILDUP??? THE SHENANIGANS??????

[pocketss]

a sluge 😔

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

Deep sea benthic Miku

[fromtheashescamehope]

What kind of human beings have we become? ... why did you draw this? why are we celebrating this? everyone should be ashamed of themselves. I don't agree with him... fuck no. But you are disgusting for drawing this. What humanity do you have in you Just cause you don't like someone? He killed nobody. Unpopular opinion? Trump isn't hitler. Does trump deserve to die? For what evil do you assume he's done for you to make something so heartless? No... i understand. you jump on the trolley because you want the attention and love. The sad thing is... you don't need to kill yourself to do it. You don't need to sacrifice your humanity for love... love should come naturally.

Think of the person who died when the shots wrang out... you're saying sun and moon killed a father who risked his life to protect his daughters. Trump was not the only one who was affected and you need to realize that.

well fuck

[slutdge]

could you imagine trying to navigate this bar drunk, this is the 9th circle of hell

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Since you guys liked Marcille as Kermit that much, it seems fitting to thank you for my 12k milestone with MORE Kercille. And this time, Miss Falin is also here.

Thank you so much again everybody! MWAH 💗

[dionysus-complex]

funniest Kamala Harris VP picks go

[twinliches]

i had a dream that time travel was invented and too many people choose to travel back in time to save the titanic from sinking (the question of whether unsinking of the titanic deserved so much attention in the face of human history was the subject of both heavy academic and online discourse), which caused a rift in the space-time-continuum that led to the titanic showing up indiscriminately all over the world’s oceans and sea in various states of sinking.

this caused a lot of issues both in terms of fixing said space-time-continuum and in terms of nautical navigation, and after a long and heavy battle in the international maritime organization it was decided that the bureaucratic burden of dealing with this was to be upon Ireland, much to their dismay. the Irish Government then released an app for all sailors and seafarers so they could report titanic sightings during their journeys, even though they heavily dissuaded you from reporting them given the paperwork it caused.

anyway i woke up with a clear image of the app in my head and needed to recreate it for all of you:

[ryan-sometimes]

I had to stop smoking sativa because whenever I smoked sativa at parties I would turn into an absolute menace and start bullying men specifically for no reason. I turned into public enemy number one of college boys

[nerdygaymormon]

[hellishqueer]

we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies

[pirateprincessjess]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

[incandescent-creativity]

Do you ever write a sentence and then realize “Nah, that’s too self aware for you” and backspace a bunch of times.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[contact-guy]

sherlock holmes deduces you are trans before you've figured it out yourself and refers to you with those pronouns and then when you look confused is like "ah...had you not arrived at that conclusion yet?" and wafts away in his dressing gown to smoke seventeen pipes, leaving you in a gender crisis