#NO APHOBIA

[my-names-kris]

ink is such a funny character because he looks like a twink that fucks regularly but no. canon aroace.

i love him. just like me fr fr.

[satyrradio]

I actually really hate how the "just call me a slur" joke went from being a critique of rainbow capitalism and faux inclusionism to being a way to make fun of nonbinary and aspec ppl literally just. having language.

"Joyfriend? Queerplatonic? Erm.. literally just call me a slur XD" shut the fuck upppp goddamn

[fun-k-boards]

Aphobia is crazy because why does my decision not to fuck or romance anybody matter to you

[whatdoesthequeersay]

ACE 👏 PEOPLE 👏 CAN 👏 MAKE 👏 DIRTY 👏 JOKES

Then again, if you’re an aphobe, your mom already made the dirtiest fucking joke of all time, so why should we bother?

[thepileofclothesonyourdesk]

[nyancrimew]

ace aro people stop derailing and being annoying challenge. we should bring aphobia back

man shut the fuck up ur lame as hell

[yagikidd57]

[anistarrose]

the more I get back in my habit from 2018-ish of searching "asexual" on blogs before I make a habit of interacting with them frequently, the more I realize that a lot of people started to reblog way less aphobia circa 2018, but without literally any sign of their opinions on asexual people changing, or making any effort to include them.

and that's how we get the current tumblr climate. people doing a disservice to important stuff like sex positivity or kink at pride, by just regurgitating shit like "well sex is what makes us queer, you fucking prude." instead of, you know, actually talking about why sex positivity is important for a wide range of sexualities, or why kink at pride has a long historical context. or even bringing up the fact that policing/mocking people's relationship with sex just for being different than yours is just inherently bad in and of itself. the aphobia is still ingrained in this site, just subtler now.

[redysetdare]

The response to "ace people are just virgins who can't get laid!" Shouldn't be "ace people can still have sex!" but instead " being a virgin isn't a bad thing."

The response to "aro people are just heartless freaks!" Shouldn't be "aro people can still feel love!" And instead be "not feeling love or other emotions doesn't make you a bad person."

Instead of pushing the idea that aspec people can be "normal like allos" we should instead be trying to normalize aspec experiences. Yes aspec people can be normal because aspec identities are normal. Some aros fall in love. some aces have sex. but they should not be the only valid aspec experiences. We should not use these experiences to make the aspec identity more palatable to amatonormativity and allos.

[edwardallenpoe]

Whenever I see aphobia this is all I can think about. If you think loveless people are "psychotic" or "narcissistic" or "broken" I know how you actually feel about disordered/disabled people. Just telling on yourself with this one chief.

[greenteaandtattoos]

character: -doesn't express interest in romance-

them: "oh, they're SOOOOOO gay"

aros: "i mean, they could be aro-"

them: "NO HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT THEY BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN G A Y YOU'RE BEING HOMOPHOBIC"

[bloggingboutburgers]

Yeah, I know "not all aro/aces" and all, but please don't use "not all aro/aces" as an excuse to not explore anything exclusively aro/ace ever. Otherwise any trace of aro/aceness might end up effectively lost to fandom osmosis.

To sum up... If you wouldn't be homophobic that way, please don't be aphobic that way.

[pinkxcloudz]

isn't it fucked up that people describing their relationships get their language policed; even though it's their relationship? isn't it fucked up that most of those terms are coined by aspecs? i.e.

"my platonic polycule"

"you mean friendgroup?"

"my queerplatonic partner"

"you mean friend?"

"my sexual partner"

"you mean fuck buddy?"

"my squish-"

"your WHAT?"

it's tiring. trying to live in a world as an aspec person and seeing casual aphobia everywhere. you can't get a break. maybe ask if it affects you. are these terms offensive? are you in that relationship? is it your business? if no, shut your mouth

[sullina]

told someone i was aroace today and their immediate response was "how terrible!"

like, i've read from others that things like this happen, but ngl, actually experiencing it myself was a little surprising.

I wasn't really all that offended tho. I've only known this person for a few days.

But still. my first response was "how is it terrible?"

I'm not exactly "missing out" on anything. How could I miss out on something that sounds like a nightmare to me?

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[theguarding-dark]

okay this is what i have to say

aces do not exclusively date other aces. there are many many allosexual people who are fine with dating aces--even aces who don't have sex! it's time for people to stop assuming that a relationship isn't complete without Making Fuck. allos who think this: not everyone puts as much value on sex as you. please expand your minds. i promise that it is entirely possible to have a healthy, fulfilling romantic relationship without doing the do.