#My tragic lovers please I'm dying

[babyangelsky]

My Favorite QL Couples* of 2024 💖✨

Welcome to Babyangelsky's 2024 Wrap Up! To commemorate my second year of watching QL dramas, and my first year of actually talking on my blog, I've compiled a series of lists to celebrate all the QL things I loved this year!

My only criteria was that the show had to have either aired entirely in 2024 or had the majority of its run in 2024. No other limits at all (except for tumblr's photo limit). Please feel free to take my categories and make lists of your own and tag me in them if you do! I'd love to see what stuck out to everyone this year 💜

💜 All the lists can be found here! 💜

Without further ado, I'm going to kick things off with my favorite couples of the year!

♡ Tongrak and Mahasamut (Love Sea)

My darlings. My absolute loves. I knew Fort and Peat were going to deliver something special when Love Sea was announced and I am so glad that I was right. My love for them is as boundless as the sea that bonds them.

♡ Almond and Latte (Knock Knock Boys)

These two snuck up on me something serious. I never expected them to be this sweet and soft and bring such comfort to each other. They were my unexpected delight this year and I'm so happy I got to watch them fall in love.

♡ Yu and Ai (I Saw You in My Dream)

These two snuck up on me too, honestly. Never ever thought I would love them as much as I do considering how late I came into this show, but I cherish them very deeply. They're the sweetest childhood friends to lovers and they love each other so much. I don't think I've ever been prouder of a confession than when Yu finally confessed to Ai.

♡ Ken, Seiji, and Japan (Deep Night)

*Not a couple, but a THROUPLE! 2024 was a year of many, many BL blessings, one of the best of which was the fact that we got CANON POLY SIDES COURTESY OF CHEEWIN! We all hoped, we all prayed, we all looked at the workshop photos and thought 'surely we cannot be wrong', and when it came right down to it, we all got exactly what we wanted! I only wish that we'd gotten more of them.

KenSeijiPan you will always be famous.

♡ Ozone and Pie (Battle of the Writers)

Speaking of wanting more, I cannot believe it took this long for Mark Sorntast to get to kiss a boy on screen but damn, was it worth the wait. I want an entire spin-off of daddy Pie and his puppy Ozone because they were truly the best part of this show.

♡ X and Namping (Every You, Every Me)

Thanks to its format, Every You, Every Me gave us lots of great couples and fun dynamics but X and Namping were my favorites, even though their story ended tragically. The love was brief but it was beautiful and real.

♡ Meiji and Freya (Deep Night)

As if giving us canon poly wasn't enough, Cheewin also decided to bless us with milf yuri and then stacked one more blessing on top and gave them their own spin-off miniseries so we could have more time watching them fall in love. They're beautiful and I love them. This is how it feels to win.

♡ Yuan and Qian (Unknown)

I can't think of anything to say about these two that doesn't involve making dying animal noises and gesturing helplessly and maybe crying so just imagine me doing that to convey how I feel about this couple BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I GOT FAM THAT'S ALL I'M CAPABLE OF I'M SURE SOME OF YA'LL UNDERSTAND

♡ Tai x Kram (Two Worlds)

These are by far my favorite roles Max and Nat have played to date. The utter soulmates of it all. The every version of me will love every version of you in every universe of it all. Perfection. I only wish the show had been longer so their love really got a chance to breathe.

♡ Anin and Pin (The Loyal Pin)

Now, if a love ever got a chance to breathe, it was this love. They made you feel it. The yearning, the joy, the sweetness, all of it. We followed it all the way from childhood and it was such a satisfying experience. I will always have a soft spot for couples that are deranged about each other, however loudly or quietly they may go about it, and my girls are no exception.

♡ Phee and Non (Dead Friend Forever)

*scream singing* WE COULD'VE HAD IT ALLLLLLLL, ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEEEEP *cries on the floor*

♡ Tan and Fang (We Are)

AouBoom are never not a delight when they're on screen together, and TanFang were a delight in a veritable sea of delights. They got together early on and spent the rest of the show giving nothing but the best most delicious established couple goodness.

♡ Muenfah and Teerak (Your Sky)

At the time of writing we've only had these two for a few weeks but that's more than enough time for their adorable sweetness to land them on this list. They're darling. The relationship may be fake (for now) but the love is real.

♡ Sun and Junior (Caged Again)

The same goes for these two, and isn't that just the surprise of the year? HOW DID THE PANTHER AND PENGUIN TURN INTO PEOPLE SHOW END UP GIVING US SUCH AN ADORABLE COUPLE?

♡ Shao Peng and Zi Xiang (See Your Love)

They're just so soft and so gentle and they make each other feel heard and understood and I love them so much. Their boyfriend era may actually kill me.

♡ Jack and Joke (Jack & Joker)

*gently shakes Yin and War* Would giving us just a little more horny, loving boyfriend era and fewer horrors have been so hard? Do ya'll think you can get away with it because you're so pretty and so beloved?

Because they are. And they can actually. And they did. I adore them.

♡ Yak and Dee (Wandee Goodday)

One of my favorite things in this life is when a fake relationship slowly turns into a real relationship and two people who think they can be casual about each other are actually completely incapable of being so. Yak and Dee gave me exactly that and I love them for it.

♡ Oyei and Cher (Wandee Goodday)

Another side couple for which I would absolutely love a spin-off, but we did get to see them have their wedding (the first GMMTV wedding since the marriage equality bill was passed!) which is just as good. The love they have for each other, the support they give each other is top tier. They have my heart.

♡ God and Diew (Monster Next Door)

If I were to give an award for amazing communication between a couple, I would absolutely be giving it to these two. It was so refreshing to see them not only love and support each other, but talk and listen to each other. They were a delight.

♡ Myung Ha and Yeo Woon (Love for Love's Sake)

They were so sweet and so sad and they saved each other by loving each other so much that it broke reality and I just love them with my entire soul.

♡ San and Vee (Century of Love)

When this was airing I talked a lot about how it didn't actually matter whether Vee was Wad or not and that what mattered was San making a choice but for the record? Vee was totally Wad. He and San were SOULMATES!

♡ Neil and Sea (First Note of Love)

What if a couple was so gentle and soft that it made you wanna cry? What if they saved each other with music? What if they made each other brave?

♡ Moo and Kang (Only Boo!)

My darling boys. My sweetest most adorable boys who make me wanna curl into a ball and cry happy tears because I adore them so much. Moo's singular desire in this life part from becoming an idol is to save up enough money to marry Kang and NOW HE CAN AND I'M IN MY FEELINGS ABOUT IT EVEN MONTHS LATER.

♡ Karan and Achi (Cherry Magic Th)

They're perfect. In every conceivable way. Their love was just so lovely, it was such a joy. Everything about it and about them was so lovely to watch.

♡ Haruki x Jin (Our Youth)

These two have so much potential to hurt me. In fact, I'm almost certain that they will. But they just --*gestures helplessly*--you know? They hit exactly right for me.

[suiana]

in which you left your boyfriend a little bit earlier than expected (various yandere characters x gn reader) (inspired by mr loverman by ricky montgomery) (angstober day 1)

OH WHAT AM I...

"hey- wait, you can't leave me yet- we still haven't done all the things you wanted to do-!"

SUPPOSED TO DO?

"hah, I'm sorry..."

WITHOUT YOU?

"don't apologize! you're gonna be fine..! just- just stay with me! we'll get you to a doctor and we'll be back to being happy with one another! like we promised!"

I'M MR LOVERMAN...

"yeah... that would be nice... forever together... like we promised..."

you smile tenderly at him, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his tear stricken face. your breath is shallow, hands shaking from the cold as you try to stay conscious. huh, was your boyfriend always this beautiful?

"have i ever told you how beautiful you are?"

AND I MISS MY LOVER, MAN...

"you have! you always have! now just shut up and focus on trying to stay alive!"

he sobs, holding your body in his arms as the snow around you stains red. his bloodied arms are shaking fervently as he grips you as though his life depended on it. you can't help but sigh slightly at this. even when you were dying, he just had to grip you like a stress ball.

I'M MR LOVERMAN...

"we both know i won't make it-"

"shut up! you can't leave me too! you'll be fine and- and we'll be back to being happy together!"

he sniffles, eyes red as he tries to keep a positive attitude about this situation. yeah you were dying, how tragic and sad. you both know this fact, but your obsessed lover just had to be delusional and hope for a miracle to happen. he didn't want to loose you after all. you were all he had left.

yet you weren't worried at all. not about the fact that your lovesick boyfriend was trying to delude himself into thinking you were alright. nor about the fact that you would be dying in less than 10 minutes.

...for all you could focus on was how his teary eyes, soft sniffles, the setting sun and the falling snow surrounding you two... made him look much more beautiful than before.

OH, AND I MISS MY LOVER

"you're beautiful."

"shut up! this isn't the time for flirting!"

you couldn't help but let out a chuckle. your boyfriend was just too cute.

I'M MR LOVERMAN...

"can't i flirt a bit with my handsome boyfriend before i die?"

"shut... shut up! you won't die! i won't let you!"

you hummed in response to his statement, smiling softly at his harsh yet loving tone. and it was then that you realised how much you loved him despite all the things he had done wrong.

AND I MISS MY LOVERMAN...

"what's so funny?!"

"nothing... just thinking about how much i love you."

he stares at you, a grim expression on his face as his hold on you increases tenfold. the aura around him changes and something in him seems to snap. maybe it's the realization that you're actually going to leave him?

I'M MR LOVERMAN...

suddenly, he connects the both of your lips, kissing you passionately yet ever so gently, as though you were a fragile flower. his tears stain your cheeks, desperate hands warming your cold body as he continues to kiss you like he was on limited time.

except he actually was, for this would be the last kiss you two shared.

when he had his fill, he pulled away from you, lips swollen as his tears just never seemed to stop falling. he hides his face in the crook of your neck, sobbing into your once warm skin as you mustered up the strength to slowly stroke his soft hair.

"i love you! i love you so much! please don't leave me!"

AND I MISS MY LOVER.

"i love you too."

you smile softly as he continues to sob into your neck. you truly wanted to stay like this with him forever, but the more your hands stroke his head, the more you felt yourself slipping into the comforting touch of death.

"...don't forget about me, okay?"

the male stops sobbing for a second, pulling away from your neck to scold you.

"how could i ever forget about you? dumbass..."

he grumbles, hiding in your neck once more as you laugh weakly, your arm falling onto his head in an attempt to comfort him.

"don't... come over too soon, okay? go and... live your life."

you pause for a bit before continuing.

"I'll always... be here for you."

the male hums in response, not wanting to talk as he feels your hand drop from his head. when you do so, he shivers slightly. ah... has it always been this cold?

"...what an idiot."

he mumbles, staring at your peaceful face as the once neverending tears stop falling from his beautiful eyes.

...you really left him, huh?

"not only did you leave me, but you also took my heart with you too... how cruel."

he just wanted to love you until the both of you had grey hair. so why did you have to be such a fool and slip from his grasp now?

chuuya nakahara, mushitaro oguri, gojo satoru, yuji itadori, danheng, gepard landau, wanderer/scaramouche, kaveh, denji, your faves<3

[howlett-dekarios]

𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎

▏Worst!Logan Howlett x Reader

▏Summary: After being forced to help Wade, Logan ends up finding himself a new purpose to live: showing you that you are so much more than just his other late variant lover.

▏Warnings: angst | canon death | depression | self doubting | MDNI

▏Word count: 4k

▏A/n: This is my first story posted here so it's probably not the brightest one since english is not my first language. I'm thinking about writting part 2 though if people gonna like it. Unedited, will fix possible mistakes later.

Yeah his tantrum in the car went too far. He had said words that even if they were true, shouldn’t have left his mouth. But the red suited clown got on his nerves. Saying how he was able to fix it all, damn well knowing how big bullshit it was. 

Oh no, sorry, it was a fucking educated wish. 

Waking up next to Deadpool wasn’t a great memory. First few seconds he had been considering possibly killing that prick in his dream. Suffocating or maybe cutting the head off. Anything to finally shut him up for good. 

But after seeing that one pic after Wilson blacked out, being tied up with safety belts, he just couldn’t. Most of the people on it were complete strangers to him. Some random group of idiots, enjoying their time together. No matter how pathetic excuse of a hero, the red suited man was, he had a family. Logan got it, fuck he understood it too well. That’s why it hurt. Not physically but he had to give to Deadpool for hitting a few good punches. It hurt his ego. How Wade, even being the biggest clown, was able to stand for his world. Not willing to wait and see how it all goes to shit. Not walking away the moment life fucked him to the ground. Not like Logan did. 

He did and he lost it all. Not turning around to fight with his friends. Fight for his close ones. Admit how deep he really cares. Show his vulnerability which he has always been hiding from everyone, even himself. And then instead of getting himself together, trying to do better, be better… he abandoned it all. Sunk in self pity and anger. Killing innocent people who hadn’t even had anything to do with the raid. Losing himself and becoming a dark shadow of himself. 

In his reality, everyone knew the name Wolverine. 

And every single one hated him the same. He fucking deserved it all which was one of the reasons why Deadpool attempts to made him look like a hero were frustrating him. He didn’t want to be one. Didn’t deserve to be. Because if he would, it would be a dishonor to their memory. 

Logan didn’t give a fuck when the angry guy destroyed the bottle. He had seen more of the alcohol hidden here when he searched through the room. While Deadpool took care of talking, Howlett only brought another whiskey, opening it and starting to zero it out again. Laughing at the pathetic attempts of his kidnapper to convince these god forgotten heroes to team up in the fight against Nova. Another lies and bullshiting. 

“Oh please, shut the fuck up!” He finally got irritated enough to interfere. “You’re just an asshole who can’t accept the fact that you fucked up.” 

“I wouldn’t have been here if your handsome old ass hadn't felt like dying in a tragic overpriced act of self sacrifice, because Hugh Jackman got tired of being the main mascot for FOX, thank you very much.” Wade reminded him about the other variant who was an anchor being for his universe. Logan still couldn’t believe that. Who had been stupid enough to choose Wolverine as a great hero to glue the entire world in existence. 

“Whatever.” Another gulp of whiskey landed in his throat. “Why are we even here? Who the hell dragged us here?” His tone was stern as if he would like to argue with whoever brought them there. 

“That would be me.” 

You were patrolling the area after storming out and slamming the door behind you. The arguments were an inevitable part of living in this shithole. Plus Gambit was sometimes really an irritating dickhead. 

Deep down you knew what got you on edge. Johnny not coming back nor giving any sign of life for the last few days. It only reminded you about how this all gonna end up. Every single person who had been sent to Void and hadn't joined Casandra’s gooses has eventually vanished or died. Frank, Eric, Matt and now Johnny. Sooner or later you all will die off. And you have seen enough deaths in your lifetime already. Including one particular one… The one which you never agreed with. Constant stinging that made you cry on lonely nights when Laura wasn’t around. You could still recall how tightly you had been holding his corpse. Begging for one more miracle that never came. 

Suddenly your attention turned to a car which you knew too damn well. Nicepool’s Honda. From all the Deadpools he was the only particular one who was allowed to enter the area. Keeping in touch by being a messenger between his other variants and other people who survived. Being considered as a normal one. Or more like as normal as any Wade Wilson could be. But nonetheless even he couldn’t barge in without any previous announcement. 

“For fuck’s sake Nice, how many times we need to-“ You groaned but closer you got, it was more obvious that something was really wrong. 

Looking into the vehicle, your heart stopped. 

It couldn’t be. 

The woman who entered the room was probably in her late twenties or early thirties but Logan couldn’t be sure. Unlike your friends you weren’t wearing the superhero suit. Looking very domestic even, considering their surroundings. 

“Oh my Faige, it’s her!” Deadpool looked back at his companion in disbelief and excitement, his inner nerd showing up. “I’m a big fan. Deadpool or Marvel Jesus, but you can call me Wade, peanut. Oh fuck me, the cameos really cost fortune.” By your confused eyes Howlett could bet that you haven’t understood any shit Wilson just said, but in the end you nodded acknowledging his introduction. 

You hadn’t talked much in the whole conversation, more focused on listening and hanging on young girl, Laura as Wade previously mentioned. When the man in the red suit finally came with a plan and recruited all the heroes in, you only nodded, looking indifferent. Presumably only agreeing because others did. It made Logan curious but not enough to stick with all the clowns in spandex. In the end, this whole plan was a suicide mission and he will take no part in it. 

Yes it would be easy to just die. Too easy. 

“Love, I know, I get it.” You sighed, couldn’t blame Laura for wanting to try. To talk with her father even if it wasn’t really him. But it was dangerous. Possibly giving younger girl's hope. You knew it all too well. You’ve already seen it all. Been there in Wolverine’s lowest. And this variant? It just screamed trouble. An unsuccessful suicidal who just wanted to stay in his self pity and misery hole. It was the last thing that your daughter needed. But either way, you decided to support Laura. The girl was old enough to make her own choices, only thing that mattered was her knowing the possible outcomes. “You want to talk with him, but… it’s not Logan.” Not yours. 

“I know it!” The desperation in teen’s voice made you close your eyes. It was already too late to change her mind. “I know. He died. He’s gone. But he’s still Logan. Maybe not ours, but… he feels familiar.” Drunk, broken and running from everything and everyone. “I want to try. Talk with him and see who he truly is.” 

You sighed once again but nodded, walking towards the younger one and closing your arms around the teen. 

“Okay. But be careful and don’t let him get in your head.” 

“I always am, you know me.” Laura smiled and left to meet the variant of her father who had been sitting outside. 

After a few minutes of standing there and overthinking, you decided to focus on training which was a routine for clouding your damn brain. Anything that could be used as a distraction. Exhaust you to the point where your muscles were sore. 

You had a very bad feeling about it all. At the beginning when you both ended up in Void you had been praying for any variant of Logan to be sent there. So you could’ve felt his arms one more time. Hear his voice and smell his cologne. But with every passing day that hope slowly vanished, leaving you with only grief and emptiness in heart. 

“Such a coincidence, huh?” Gambit leaned over the door with a smart smile, looking at how you’ve been boxing the punching bag. 

“Not in a mood for your teasing, Remmy.” You didn’t hold any grudges from the morning fight. Especially after agreeing to fight Cassandra. It would be a shame if one of your last memories together would’ve been an argument. 

“You let Laura talk with him. Quite impressive.” Clearly your friend had other plans. 

“And what do you think I should’ve done, what?” An irritated look was sent towards him, but Gambit only walked closer. “She’s almost grown up woman. She can do whatever she wants.” 

“Yeah, I know and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Actually I’m surprised you weren’t the first person who ran to him.” His smirk only made you instantly regret not leaving the room the second he entered. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I only say that you finally have a chance.” 

“Chance for what, Remmy? Because let me tell you-“ 

“Don’t act stupid because it doesn’t suit you. You’ve missed Logan since you got here. You can try to lie to yourself about being over him but we all hear your little sobs when you think no one is looking. This fucked up universe finally gave you a chance to heal. To get better by facing your past-“ 

“He is not my past for god’s sake!” Not that Wolverine. “And is none of your fucking business, Remmy!” You walked over to him quickly, pointing a finger into his chest. Your emotions conflicted even more than ever before. Shit, you warned Laura not to be brainwashed and here you were, getting more and more confused by it all. All the years you’ve spent with Logan, your Logan, just to see him die on your eyes. And now the other untouched and very alive one is talking with your freaking daughter. You looked in Gambit’s eyes, breathing rapid. “Listen I know what you’re trying to do. I get it that we all gonna die tomorrow but it’s not an excuse for me to do something stupid.” To betray Logan like that. 

“Honey.” Remmy’s hand squeezed your arm reassuringly. “I won’t make you listen to me, but… I’m your friend. Your happiness is my business. And believe me… maybe I didn’t know your Logan, but if he really loved you… he would like you to live. Not only exist in constant grief.” His tone was serious which was rather an unusual thing for Gambit. “Think about it, okay? That’s all I’m asking for.” 

You knew how your friend had your best interest in minds but fuck… he hasn’t got it any better. 

After making sure that Laura had already fallen asleep, you walked out of the hideout building with your arms wrapped around yourself. 

“You gonna get cold.” 

His grumpy voice reached you sooner than expected. Screw the heightened senses…

“I’m okay unlike you.” A basic observation. The light of fire illuminated his posture and the already half emptied bottle of whiskey. Thanks to his mutation it wouldn’t affect him as much as a normal human but it wasn’t about ending drunk and you knew it. It never has been about it. Not when it came to Wolverine. “You know that we have spare rooms, right?” Thanks to the constant rotation of people around in the Void. “Your friend already occupied Johnny’s bed. You’re not gonna really rest here. The ground is rather cold and uncomfortable. That is if you even want to sleep.” Which you doubted. 

“I’m fine.” Another rough grumble, while you sat next to him. 

“Yeah, clearly.” An obvious hint of sarcasm in your voice. You stretched out a hand, signaling to pass the bottle what was met with his judging glance. But he did it anyway. 

“So since the young one hasn’t done her job to talk me into going with you, they’ve sent another one?” A low chuckle left him. Logan wasn’t looking at you, his eyes longing, focused on fire. “Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart but I’m not a hero.” 

“I know you’re not. I’m not here to try to make you change your mind. It won’t work.” The sureness in your voice was evident and it surprised him a bit. 

“Then what are you here for? Want to share your teary story? The red asshole already told me what the other one did and-“ 

“There is nothing to share. He died, I survived but it made no difference.” Probably the most painful aspect of your lover’s death. How it didn’t fucking matter. Not even a week after the events in North Dakota agents of TVA showed up in the hotel room you and Laura stayed in, evaporating you two without much explanation. Some bullshit how you had no reason to exist anymore since Wolverine was gone. 

But your words… how you were so indifferent about it all. It didn’t sit right with Logan. Your facade and previous convo with Laura… it all made him curious. Waking up some part of him that Logan was so sure was already dead. 

“Listen I…” A long sigh left him, finally looking at your face. Shit, it was the first time he saw you so close and there was no doubt why his other variant was so fond of you, how really pretty you were. Your soft face, grey eyes intelligent and shining because of the warm glow of the fire. “I’m not good at this. Apparently I’m the worst person for it. I’m not him.” 

“You are not. And I don’t expect you to be.” 

“You’re always so pessimistic?” Logan couldn’t understand why he even tried to joke but he had that deep feeling inside of him that told him to just do it. To try. 

“Just when I’m alone. I’m trying to keep myself sane along Laura.” 

“Smart girl by the way. Didn’t take any bullshit. Did a good job in raising her.” 

“I know.” Gambit’s words still rang in your head so you decided to be less defensive. “Thanks.” Your tone changed to a more polite one. 

“She’s not your bio daughter.” It wasn’t really a question but you shook your head anyway, which made Logan smile lightly. “Damn, he had to be a lucky bastard if you were willing to treat his kid as your own.” 

“She is my own.” Not biological but Laura was your daughter. 

“How long you’ve been together?” 

“Asked me out not too long after he joined X-Men. Stayed with him to the end. Almost ten years.” 

He kept looking at you intently, his eyes searching the face as if trying to recognize any familiar features on it. Ten years of being together. How on earth could someone care about the broken man like that? He couldn’t understand it.

“You never… gave up on him? Despite knowing he was a complete mess?” You chuckled at that. The first fully honest reaction. Shit, Logan had to admit how lovely the sound was. 

“He was asking the same questions, you know? And no. I never gave up on him, because he never gave up on me.” 

He let out a faint laugh at that, thinking that the other him must have been a damn saint to deserve your love and loyalty.

“So you two… you were in love huh?” 

“Yes… yes you can say that.” A simple nod, feeling a mix of curiosity and something else he couldn’t explain. The idea of someone loving him was completely foreign to him, and the fact that you loved a different version of him was even weirder.

“What was he like? The other me.” 

You looked at Logan, first time being face in face since your lover died. At first glance this variant was completely different. Younger, healthier, more bulky… but the features stayed the same. Small wrinkles around the eyes which color reminded you of all the times you had woken up in his arms. The softness that appeared only when it came to you… 

“You are so sure of your difference. But the truth is that, fuck, you’re so similiar… familiar.” You couldn’t believe your own words. After all day of denying that, now sitting next to him it all came back to bite your ass. The memories, scent, how your body instantly relaxed just because of him being close. “Both of you are thinking that you’re fucked up, that you’re the worst one for your job, that you are only good and capable of hurting others. But it’s not true. You are always on the right side, protecting people you care about… you can’t stand and just watch how everything goes down.” 

Logan could see the honesty in your eyes and the words made his stomach clench. You,  sounding so sure and so convinced that it almost made him want to believe it. But he’s always been too aware of how messed up he was, too aware of the fact that he was just a broken old man who’s only good at causing pain and violence. That his whole universe turned their back on him exactly because of how he left and watched from afar how it all burned to the ground. 

“You don’t know me, bub. You know another me. Don’t go getting ideas that I’m anywhere close to him.” 

“Oh really? Then why are you constantly drinking yourself out? Why are you here, helping Wade, huh?” 

The accusations only made him grit his teeth. These words… just stating the obvious, but it bothered him anyway. He looked at you and couldn’t help the defensive tone in his voice, as if he was trying to prove that he was in fact, the wrong Logan. 

“You don’t know why I drink, sweetheart. You don’t know why I’m here. So stop acting like you do know me.” 

“You drink because you fucking care Logan. You care so much that it hurts you, the knowledge about losing people you loved. You’re here because deep down you know that you have to help Wade, that it’s your duty to help innocents.” At this point you weren’t even sure to which Logan you were talking to. Maybe it all were just unspoken words that you couldn’t have said to your lover because he died too soon. Or maybe your brain had other plans for her. 

A pang of surprise struck him. You were hitting uncomfortably close to the hidden part of himself that he so hard tried to kill off and it made him grow more frustrated and vulnerable than he’d like to show. 

“How can you be so damn sure about it?” How could you if he wasn’t even himself? 

“Because I know you, Logan. No matter if it was him, or if it’s you. No difference. You’re the same Logan.”  

“The same, huh sweetheart? Don’t make me laugh. That other me, the one you knew, was loved. Cared for. You obviously cared for him.” The walls he had built for all the time he was alone were slowly falling. “In my world everyone knows my name. Because I fucked up. Your Logan died as a hero. I can’t even die.” Not because he hasn’t tried to. But because of how his death would be a disrespect for all the other people he cared about in the past. Him living was the punishment he deserved. “I’m useless, darling.” 

“Yeah I loved him. But I buried him long time ago. And the moment I did the TVA came and told me that my purpose was over. That I was just a side lover with no further reason to be kept alive. You really think you are the useless one?” Your true feelings finally flowed out. All the concerns and insecurities. After years in the mansion, being an x-men you really thought that you found yourself. That you were so much more than you once thought. But no. The universe only needed you because Logan did. 

“What?” His confused face was enough proof that he hadn’t even thought about why exactly Laura and you were here. “It can’t be… you can’t say that stuff about yourself.” Logan couldn’t point out why, but he immediately changed his perspective. Something in his brain pushed him out of the self pity hole and guilt trap he has been in for years. Hearing that the most perfect woman he ever met, the kind and caring person who sat beside him was born only for his other self to be with… it didn’t sit right. “You are much more than that, sweetheart.” 

“You don’t know me.” The fact that you just repeated his previous words made his blood boil. For fuck’s sake why he had to be such an idiot all the time.

“Don’t be a smartass, and don’t you fucking dare to hide behind it now. You stayed with that asshole for ten goddamn years. You raised his daughter and are treating her like your own. You’re trying to help me, who’s just a pathetic excuse of a man constantly self pitying himself. Screw what those bastard told you. You are not just a lover. You are your damn fucking person.” Logan’s hand cupped your cheek. His eyes were so serious and demanding but at the same time gentle and worried. “Look at me, princess. You are an intelligent, patient, kind, strong and absolutely beautiful woman, who is not just a puppet that can be thrown away, you get it? I don’t have any idea why the fuck universe had chosen the other me to be this screwed glorified idiot, because it should’ve been you. I should’ve been the addition that was unnecessary for existing. Because you? You are the reason why he existed. Why I-“ 

The word slipped through his lips before could stop himself. All the emotions and things he heard that day, all he had seen. How Laura treasured you, how others respected you, how Wilson was fangirling and almost came just because of you being in the same room. Listening to your story of how much you’ve cared about the other him. It made him want it all. Wanted to be the other him. Do something to deserve your love. To show you how much you were supposed to be loved. How you should be a treasure to keep safe and protect at all costs. 

“Fuck it-“ 

And before you could’ve reacted, Logan reached for you, closing the distance and pressing your lips together. Trying to savor the taste of you on him, deepening it like his life depended on it. Living the moment of pure oblivion, wanting you to forget about it all. About the other him, TVA, Void and everything else. Tell you without using words how much he loved you. 

Yes, he didn’t deserve you. But it wasn’t about him. Not anymore. 

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: things between you and your mom escalate and you make the impulsive decision to move in with your online friend who saves your life and shines like the brightest star... pairing: seonghwa x reader genre: angst, fluff, smut; online friends to roommates+lovers warnings: swearing, mommy issues, suicidal thoughts, insecurities, crying, pet names, eating out, blowjob, protected sex, praise kink, mommy kink, one (1) bad star wars joke, the nbhd references, subspace (kinda?), lowkey possessive hwa, one bed trope (but there is a couch, they just ignore it) author's note: this is incredibly personal and i felt so vulnerable while writing it but i better post it real quick before i chicken out 🙃 the title is inspired by the neighbourhood's daddy issues (remix) even though reader has mommy issues lol word count: 4.3k

You are cooped up in your room, physically shaking. You have no tears left to cry so you are laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all. You were so tired of it. You love your mom, you really do. You would never do anything to harm her. But you are absolutely sick of the way she was treating you. Always belittling your interests, not letting you go out past a certain hour even though you were old enough to do so, yelling at you for the smallest mistakes, suffocating you with her unrealistic expectations, saying you were stupid and would never amount to anything if it hadn't been for her strict parenting style, even though you had practically sacrificed your mental health and social life to get high grades. And whenever you brought up all the ways in which she'd hurt you, she would try to gaslight you and pull shit like: "I never said that." "You're being overdramatic." "You're so ungrateful." All your friends said you deserved better. They tried their best to support you emotionally. But words could only do so much. You need out. If you stayed another moment in this toxic environment, you felt like you would do something terrible to yourself. Something there was no coming back from.

The only person you feel like talking to right now was your online friend Seonghwa. You'd met him on a Star Wars forum eight months ago and you'd been talking to each other pretty much every free minute. He was your light in the darkness and brought you so much happiness you couldn't remember what your life before him had been like. He always knew just what to say and comforted you like nobody else could. And when you didn't feel like talking, he distracted you successfully by organizing streaming sessions for the two of you. He is, for lack of a better word, perfect. There is only one downside. He lives thousands of kilometres away from you.

You: Talk to me. About anything. Please? Starshine98: What happened??? You: I don't wanna talk about it. I don't even wanna think about it. Starshine98: Got it. Your mom, right? You: Is my tragic existence so transparent? Starshine98: Whatever she said, you know it's not your fault. You: I know. But Hwa…it hurts so much I feel like dying. I can't do this anymore. Starshine98: Don't say that. You are so important to me. And to your friends. And to your mom, as well, even if she has a messed up way of showing it. You: Still….I need to get out of here as soon as possible but I can't do that without getting a stable job first. And it's so hard to find one. Starshine98: What if you came to live with me? My apartment has enough space for two… You: You live across the world? I can't even afford a plane ticket. Starshine98: Don't worry about money, I'll send you an E-ticket. You: I can't ask you to do that… Starshine98: You're not asking, I'm offering. You're going through something traumatic and you obviously need a change of scenery. I'm not asking you to stay with me forever, just for as long as you need to take care of your mental health. Just say the word and I'll buy the ticket. You: This is far too generous of you. Starshine98: I'm not as selfless as you think. I'm so worried about your well-being that keeping an eye on you myself would help me sleep better at night. You: Sweet. Starshine98: So? What do you say? You: Fuck it. Let's do this.

A couple of minutes later you receive a digital plane ticket from Seonghwa. The feeling of staring at it is so surreal you feel like you might pass out. You quickly pack only the bare essentials into a bag and scribble a letter to your parents. You know your mom will be furious and your dad will be worried sick but still, you want to leave the apartment while she's still asleep to avoid the confrontation. This is the best decision you could have possibly made in this situation. And for the first time in forever, you are finally doing something impulsive, something crazy without asking for permission. And damn, does it make you feel alive.

As you get off the plane, your eyes scan the airport for Seonghwa. You debate turning on your phone but then you would be faced with missed calls from your parents and right now, you are not ready to face the reality of what you've done. Luckily enough, you quickly spot a large sign with your name on it. It's him! You rush through the crowd and directly into his arms. He drops the sign in disbelief and gives you the tightest hug possible. This is insane. You can't believe you're actually here.

"Hi, sweet girl," Seonghwa says and his voice sound even lovelier than during the video chats you've had with him.

"Hi, starshine," you chuckle nervously.

"How was your flight?" he asks.

"Couldn't wait for it to be over," you admit.

"Yeah? You wanted to see me that bad?" Hwa teases you.

"More like couldn't wait to visit Seoul," you joke. "Go sightseeing."

"Sorry to disappoint but I'm taking you home first."

Home. You liked the sound of that.

"This is my room, this is the living room, this is the kitchen and this is the bathroom. Any questions?" Seonghwa inquires after he's done showing you around his apartment.

"Um, not to sound ungrateful but…where will I…you know, sleep?" you ask.

"My room, obviously. I'll take the couch in the living room," Hwa shrugs.

"What? No, Hwa, I can't…this is your apartment. I would feel so guilty I wouldn't fall asleep at all."

"Do you have another suggestion?"

"Duh! I will sleep on the couch!"

Seonghwa shakes his head, visibly distressed by the idea.

"It's pretty cold in the living room. You'll be more comfortable in my room."

"Well…we could share the bed, then? You do have a king size. If…that's okay with you."

"Are you sure?" Hwa wants to know.

You nod without thinking too much into it.

"You're my best friend and I just moved across the world. Sharing a bed with you does not worry me."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything, I'll try to get it for you."

"Right now I just need a hug."

Seonghwa abides by your wishes and soon enough, the two of you find yourselves cuddling under the warm blanket. Minutes later you are crying and spilling the beans about your latest fight with your mom. When you tell him the whole story, he feels like throwing up.

"H-how could she say that to her own d-daughter?" Hwa stammers in disbelief.

You notice tears falling down his beautiful cheeks and trace a finger against his skin.

"Honestly? I'm kinda used to it. But it was so bad I couldn't take it anymore."

"You're not supposed to. You're a literal angel, I don't understand her behaviour at all."

You give him a sad smile.

"I'm not a saint, either. I mean, I've kept secrets from her and stuff. I just wish things could get resolved by communicating but she always refuses to hear my side of the story."

"The only reason why you've kept secrets was to protect your sanity. She's being unreasonable for not letting you follow your passions. What kind of a parent would say such harmful things?"

"Right?" you laugh bitterly. "You get me like no one else."

Seonghwa strokes your hair lovingly and kisses your forehead.

"My darling girl. You deserve so much better."

"Sometimes I wish you were my mom," in a moment of intense vulnerability, you murmur without thinking but the words are already out of your mouth and it's too late to take them back.

"W-what?" Hwa appears taken aback.

"S-sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me," you cover your face with your hands.

"Say it again. Please."

You take a peek nervously. His reaction is not one of disgust as you feared but rather…curiosity?

"I wish you were my mom," you repeat, your cheeks flushed with color.

"Do you know what I'd do if I were your mom?" Seonghwa asks.

You shake your head, desperately needing to hear what he's thinking.

"If you were my little girl, I'd do whatever I could do to keep you safe and protect you, make sure no one could hurt you, least of all me. I'd let you follow your passions. If you went out at night, I'd be worried sick, of course, but I'd be happy you're having fun with your friends. I'd tell you I'm proud of you no matter what grades you got. If you kept secrets from me, I wouldn't yell at you, but I'd ask myself what I did wrong. You know why? Because I trust you. And I care about you so deeply that I'd like to win your trust, too."

Your vision is blurry with tears. You feel like Hwa just fixed something he didn't break. Whatever he has to offer, you want all of it.

"I'd like that very much."

"You'd let me take care of you? Call you mine?" Seonghwa needs to know.

"Yes, please."

"My precious girl," he purrs in your ear.

"Hwa…just to be clear, what does that make us?" you ask, confused about the line between friendship and…whatever this is.

"What do you want us to be? Girlfriend and boyfriend? Daughter and…mom? Friends with benefits?"

You chuckle at the variety of labels he suggests.

"I think I'd like to be your girlfriend. If you'll have me," you blink, suddenly feeling insecure. You don't have much to offer. But whatever little you have, you're willing to give to him.

"I will. And I'd be honoured to be your boyfriend."

You bury your head into his chest, overwhelmed with positive feelings and excitement for the future that awaits the two of you.

"Let me take you out on a date tomorrow. But first, you need sleep."

"Okay, mom," you laugh wholeheartedly. "Will you sing me a lullaby?"

"Anything for my best girl," Seonghwa promises.

The following day he takes you to a really lovely date at a local restaurant and treats you so well, like no one else before in your life. You feel so blessed and lucky to have met him that there are not enough words to describe how grateful you are to him. Not just for letting you move in with him without expecting anything in return (though that was an immensely generous gesture on his side). The reason you are grateful the most is that he accepts you with all your flaws and scarred past, he shows you such understanding and care you have only dreamed about. He is truly your shining star guiding your path through the dark and into the light.

In the evening, you finally muster up the courage to turn on your phone. You call your dad and with tears in your eyes, explain the circumstances around your latest fight with your mom and why you decided to move in with Seonghwa. Your dad is worried, of course, but he says he gets why you did it, as he has witnessed some encounters when your mom has said hurtful things to you. Though he has not explicitly stood up for you, in your private conversations, he has shown you support and eagerly awaited the day you were independent from her. He tells you your mom was furious at first but now she is just…sad. You promise you will talk to her when you feel ready but for the time being, you need some space. Your dad respects your decision and you hang up.

"You did well," Seonghwa praises you, enveloping you in a warm hug.

"Thanks," you whisper sadly.

"Shall we go to bed?" he asks.

"Aw, man, I was in such a hurry to pack that I forgot my favourite frog plushie!" you exclaim in annoyance. "I can't sleep without it."

"Last night you had no trouble falling asleep, though?" Seonghwa gently reminds you.

"You're right!" you cry out in amazement.

"I'll get you a million plushies tomorrow but for now you'll have to settle for me."

"You know what? You're more than enough. You're my favourite plushie from now on!" you smile, wrapping your arms around his waist.

You've had the happiest week of your life. Seonghwa shows you around the city, taking you to adorable cafés, sightseeing and eating ramen by the Han river. The two of you take tons of pictures together and spend a lot of quality time. He even introduces you to his friend San and convinces him to let you work at his bookshop, which is honestly a dream job.

One morning, you wake up feeling uncharacteristically hot. Something hard is pressed against your ass. Could that be…You freeze at the realization. You wonder whether to rush out of bed. But then you risk Seonghwa waking up and you don't want him feeling embarrassed over something completely natural. You could pretend you're still asleep? But your breathing is too irregular and your skin is practically on fire. What should you do? Before you can make up your mind, you feel Seonghwa shifting behind you and the space has never felt emptier.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles sleepily.

"What are you sorry for?" you ask even though the answer is quite apparent.

"For…you know, getting hard."

"It's fine, it's a normal human reaction."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or objectified. I mean…you are hot and I've obviously thought about you before in impure ways but…I like you so much I don't want you to feel pressured or anything. You're incredibly special to me, baby."

You finally turn around to face him.

"You are the most precious person in my life, Seonghwa," you whisper. "And like, if you want me, I'm all yours. No pressure."

"But…wouldn't you want to wait longer?" he asks cautiously.

"Whenever you want, my star," you smile eagerly, hoping he takes the bait.

"Fuck it," Hwa mutters under his breath and crashes his lips into yours.

You kiss him back impatiently and bury your fingers into his soft hair. He pulls you closer to him by the waist, digging his fingers into your lower back.

"If you want to stop at any moment, just let me know, okay?" Seonghwa breaks the kiss to reassure you.

You are so touched by his words that tears are already welled up in your eyes.

"Okay. Same goes for you."

"Trust me, darling, I wouldn't want to stop," Hwa promises and buries his head into your neck, inhaling the scent of you.

He spends a long time pressing kisses everywhere he could think of: your neck, your cheeks, your hair, your nose, your collarbones, your tummy, your ears, your thighs until finally, he reaches your pussy. Guiding your legs apart with a gentle but firm hand, you are afraid of melting right there. He eats you out hungrily, his ridiculously long tongue doing wonders to your senses. Needing something to hold on to, you tug on his hair, hopeful that you are not hurting him. He starts making circular motions, increasing the pleasure. It does not take you long to finish, completely falling apart.

"I think I just died a little," you admit, laughing.

"Well, the French did call it la petite mort," Seonghwa shrugs.

"Ah, yes. The little death," you smile, fondly recalling your French classes. "I wouldn't be a good guest if I didn't return the favour, no?"

You wrap your lips around the head of his cock, looking up at him to see if you're doing a good job.

"You're not a guest. I want you to feel at home," Seonghwa says and you try to take him deeper into your mouth. "You don't have to- Oh!"

You smirk as you swirl your tongue against his cock, doing your best to bring him closer to the edge.

"Such a good girl. My girl, yes?" he murmurs.

You can't verbablly respond so you nod your head frantically. Your hand is wrapped around the part of him you can't physically fit in and you blink the tears away, attempting to focus on breathing through your nose. You move your head and up down, desperately staring into his eyes to make sure he's enjoying every second of it. Soon enough, he reaches his high, sending ropes of cum down your throat. You try to swallow, not waste any drop of it.

Seonghwa strokes your cheek with his hand.

"You did so great for me," he praises you and you feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

"T-thank you," you stutter nervously.

"You don't have to thank me," Seonghwa chuckles in confusion and flips you around so that you are lying on your back. He leans down and kisses you again even more sensually than before but with as much tenderness. "You wanna stop?"

"No, please, don't stop," you are not too proud for begging.

"M'kay, lemme just grab protection real quick and I'll be back," he grins.

"Oh, I feel quite protected with you by my side, but I get what you mean," you tease him, excited to take the next step in your relationship.

True to his promise, Hwa returns moments later, flexing a condom in his hand.

"Protection," he repeats in a cute voice, while he puts it on.

"And here I thought you were gonna show me your lightsaber," you joke.

Seonghwa dramatically places a hand on his heart, feigning offense.

"I already did," he plays along and you can't stop yourself from bursting into laughter.

God, he really is the best guy in the universe. Your thoughts are further confirmed when he slowly teases your entrance with just the tip, making sure you are okay.

"You good? Should I go deeper?"

"Hwa, my angel, you can do anything to me and chances are I'd like it," you reassure him confidently.

"Careful what you wish for," Seonghwa smirks and slides in, making you feel so full and complete.

"Ngh," your sweet little cries are enough to give him the needed push to not hold himself back any longer. He fucks into you with so much vigour and passion you are on the verge of disintegrating.

"My gorgeous girl. You like that?"

"Yes, mommy," the words slip out of your mouth before you could think twice about it. His movements come to a sudden halt, causing you to realize what you've just said. Out loud. Ugh, you feel equally mortified and turned on.

"Mommy, huh?" he chuckles lightly.

"S-sorry," you hide your face behind your palms.

"It's okay, I can be your mommy," Seonghwa grabs your wrists and pushes your hands above your head. "I'll take good care of you, yeah? Wish you could see yourself, my most precious girl."

"Hwa, please, I mean…mommy, need you so badly," you stumble through your words weakly.

"I'm right here, my sweet baby, I'll give you what you need," he plays along. "Does mommy's cock feel good inside you?"

"S-so g-good, mommy, thank you, thank you so much," it hasn't even been that long and you already feel fucked out, utterly and irreversibly at his mercy.

"Don't thank me, dearest, I'm just treating you the way you deserve," Seonghwa vows and before you know it, you are clenching around his cock, while he is spilling inside the condom.

You can't think, can't speak, can't do anything. Nothing exists in your mind anymore. Just him. The universe is completely blank save for that one shining star. You fail to register him leaving the room to dispose of the plastic and don't notice when he returns.

"Honey?" he says softly but his voice feels so distant. Kilometres away. You can't bring yourself to form a verbal response. "Are you okay?"

Seonghwa places gentle kisses on your cheeks in an attempt to bring you back to reality.

"Come back to me, darling, please, talk to me, I'm scared," he mumbles in between kisses.

"Hwa?" are your first words. Like a newborn baby looking for the comfort that only a true mother figure could provide.

"You're safe with me," Seonghwa tells you. "No one can hurt you here."

"I don't deserve you," you are suddenly crying, overwhelmed by how cared for and loved he's making you feel.

"Don't say that ever again, you hear me?" he speaks firmly but kindly, nonetheless. "You deserve to be happy. Am I making you happy?"

"So happy, you have no idea how much," you try your best to convince him for your sincerity.

"That's all I need to know," he nods. "Let me draw a bath for you and-"

You summon all the strength you have left and grip his hand as tightly as you physically can't.

"Don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you," Seonghwa picks you up with ease and carries you all the way to the bathroom.

Once inside the warm bath, you are more capable to form full sentences and communicate what just happened with a clearer head.

"I'm sorry for springing up the whole mommy thing without discussing it in advance," you tell him.

"I don't mind, honestly. In fact, I think I'm perfect for the role."

You smile fondly and nudge his shoulder.

"Still. From now on, I'll try my best to talk about introducing anything new beforehand. It's only fair."

"Whatever makes you feel comfortable," he kisses your forehead as he rubs shampoo into your scalp. "But just so you know, I could never be mad at you."

"What if I want you to get mad every once in a while? You know…spank me for being a bad girl?" you suggest teasingly.

"Then, I'd be happy to oblige," Seonghwa replies enthusiastically and starts tickling you in a playful manner.

It is true that time heals all wounds and distance makes the heart grow fonder. A while later, you feel ready to talk to your mom again (somewhat influenced by your dad's pleading and Seonghwa's reassurance).

"Hi, mom," you greet her calmly over the phone.

"Hi, sweetie. I've missed you," she admits.

"Me too," and it's true. Even though she hurt you, you still love her.

"Have you been eating well?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that."

"Listen…I'm sorry for saying hurtful things and being so hard on you. I only do that because I think you're so smart and have the potential to do great things."

"Well you have a funny way of showing it," you chuckle dryly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…you never praise me for anything. I spent so many years trying to get your approval that I didn't stop for a second to think whether I was doing what I truly loved."

"I understand," your mom says. "I know it might be too late but I'll try to do better. If you'll let me."

"It's not too late. But I'm not coming back to live with you. I've got a boyfriend and a job here. And I'm…actually happy."

"I'm glad to hear that, sweetheart. You will visit eventually, right?"

"I will in the summer. I want us to work on our relationship," you explain patiently.

"Until then…we can Skype or something?" your mom suggests.

"Yeah, mom, we can do that," you laugh. "If you figure how to turn the computer on!"

"Hey!" your mom argues but her tone is amused "I'm not that old!"

"I know, I know," you keep laughing.

"I love you," she says seriously. And this time, you are willing to believe her.

"Love you too, mom," you answer truthfully and hang up the phone.

You look at Seonghwa who was quietly cutting vegetables. His mere presence in the room was giving you strength and moral support.

"I did it," you announce the obvious. "I talked to my mom."

"You did so well. I'm really proud of you, angel," he wraps you into the world's most comforting hug.

"Things won't get magically fixed but…it's a start."

"You did the right thing."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Hwa," you admit truthfully. "You light up my whole dark existence, my precious star."

"Oh, baby," Seonghwa holds your hands. "Stars can't shine without darkness."

Bonus:

You are so happy to have cooked spaghetti carbonara for your boyfriend, your darling, your starshine, your marvellous Hwa. You really hope he likes it because you've worked so hard on it and it's his birthday so you wanted to do something special for him. He has given you so much care and affection so this is the least you could do to express how grateful you are.

"Happy birthday, my love," you kiss him gently, presenting the meal in front of him. "I have other gifts, as well, but food first before it gets cold!"

"Aw, baby, you didn't have to do all that," Seonghwa smiles, touched by your efforts.

"Come on, try it!" you are practically bouncing with excitement to see his reaction.

"It's really delicious, my angel! You did a wonderful job!" he praises you, sincerity clear in his voice.

You can't take it and you burst into tears.

"Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?" Seonghwa puts the fork down, immediately worried about your well-being.

"No, it's just…the first time anyone's praised my cooking. It feels incredibly special coming from you, considering you are so brilliant in the kitchen."

"The kitchen is not the only place where I'm incredible," he winks, looking at the bedroom.

"Eat, eat! We'll unwrap the gifts later in that other place," you wipe your tears and encourage him to enjoy his meal.

"Oh, sunshine, you are the only gift I could ask for," Seonghwa promises and goes back to the carbonara. And perhaps, this is what having a home feels like.

The End

[castledisneyfan]

Okay, I think I realized what it is about Bridgerton that has made it so popular and why messing with the story to the point where the Bridgertons may not end up with the person they did in the books could be their downfall.

Please hear me out.

They've recently announced that Eloise might also be getting a queer storyline, which I'm sure no one is surprised by, including myself. Benedict having a queer storyline is not surprising either and makes sense with his character (but for the love of God, Benedict, please stop being the community bicycle, at this point, he's had so many lovers that I'm starting to worry for Sophie's future health)

Francesca getting a queer storyline (changing Micheal to Michaela) is not an issue in the grand scheme of things. It's how they went about introducing it.

Francesca's story was beautiful and tragic because of how much she and John loved each other and then losing the child that would've been theirs (John and Fran's) after he died. How she mourned him for years and then slowly fell for Michael years later when he's been in love with her since day one but had too much love and respect for both her and John to do anything about it.

The show creating this sense that Francesca might have regrets about marrying John and then meeting Michaela and becoming seemingly smitten with her cheapens the story they could've had later on. It's almost like the show wanted us to root for John dying so that Francesca and Michaela can get together. If you're going to do an LGBT+ story, even as an adaptation to a heteronormative story, do it! But do it properly. It is not fair to your characters to give them such a cheap start.

This is where the show's downfall could happen because part of the appeal of the show (in my opinion) is knowing who the characters will end up with and that they will be together.

We spend so much time and dread with other media with their "will-they-won't-they" storylines that half the time we can't enjoy the journey. With Bridgerton, I think half the fun is that we can take in all the drama knowing that things will be alright in the end. Like I don't think I could've enjoyed Season 3 as much as I did if I hadn't known that Penelope and Colin would end up together.

Anyway, that's my two cents on the matter. I honestly think they have good ideas when it comes to adapting future stories. They just need to make they have good execution.

[sluttysnowangel666]

The Song of Blackwoods and Brackens - finale

Thank you so much to those who read and loved this story, I originally intended for it to be much shorter and with a way sadder ending( title was inspired by the song of achilles so i felt a tragic end was fitting) but i got carried away, and i couldn't find the strength to break everyone's hearts. This fanfic is the first time i've gotten back to writing since i was like 12 years old, usually these stories play in my head and i just leave them there but for some reason this one took a life of its own. if people would like to read the alternate ending, let me know and perhaps ill post it. until then, i hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. thank you all my delulu bloody ben baddies, i love you more than you know.

masterlist

𐂃 𐂃 𐂃 𐂃

I didn't know how I got there. All I knew was that these moments were about to be my last.

Everything had happened so quickly. The situation spiraled out of control before I even realized it was occurring.

Smoke was everywhere, bodies were everywhere. I couldn't walk without stepping on someone. I knew I was going to die. I could barely walk, could barely see.

I could live with dying. I made my bed, I'm ready to lie in it.

He and I were doomed from the start. I loved him; It ruined my life.

My ears were ringing, my eye was in excruciating pain, as well as my leg.

"Ben." I mumble out, disoriented. "Benny..."

I scan the area. Nothing but bodies. Oh, Gods. What if he was one of them?

There's cries of men in the distance, and the sound of fire crackling the burning mill.

I manage to push myself up, leaning on my sword. I cry out at the pain.

Gods... This was all my fault. I'd destroyed everything I touched. My brother was dead,  I couldn't find my lover, I had no idea how long I'd been knocked unconscious.

"Benjicot!" I cried out. "Ben!"

An arrow whips past my head, nailing the wood post behind me. I do a full turn, and see a woman.

She's not much older than me, her hair is long and dark. Alysanne Blackwood.

"Black Aly." I say.

"Who are you?" She asks, an arrow aimed at me.

"I... don't know anymore."

"Judging by your clothes, you're a Bracken. My only concern is... you're a woman. Why is a Bracken woman fighting here instead of cowering in her chambers?"

I don't answer. "I've slain your uncle." She says.

I growl with anger. "You bitch!"

"Too slow." She teases.

I raise my sword, she pulls back on her bow.

"Stop this now!"

I turn, and he's there. Alive. He was greatly wounded, covered in blood as was I, but he was alive.

I can't hold back anymore. Gods, I was so angry with him, but I didn't even care. I limp towards him, bursting into tears the second I fall into his arms.

"Oh, my sweet." He cries, pulling us to the ground. He kisses my bloody head, sobbing into my hair. "We need to get you a maester, now."

I pull away, landing a hard slap across his face. "That's for knocking me unconscious, you craven."

"You left me no choice." He says, hardly phased.

"I know. I'm sorry." I say. He kisses me again.

"Nephew," Alysanne interrupts. "who is this woman dressed as a man?"

"My betrothed." He says.

"This battle... was all because you loved a Bracken?" She asks, incredulous.

"No." I answer. "It was my fault. My family started it... It was because I loved a Blackwood."

"What's the difference?"

"Fuck you, Alysanne."

"Tread lightly, Bracken scum. I'll still fly this arrow through your good eye-"

"Gods sakes, enough! The both of you." Benji demands. "Aly, please, she needs a maester."

Alysanne hesitates, but nods. She turns and runs, happy to be as far from my destructiveness as possible.

Benji helps me begin walking back to Raventree Hall, letting me lean on him for support.

I hear a cough, a familiar, raspy cough. I turn, shocked to see my uncle leaned against a post, an arrow in his left chest plate.

"Uncle." I say.

"You're still alive?" He coughs, blood spewing out of his mouth.

"I am." I say. I push off Benji to stand on my own.

"Get it over with." He sighs.

"Do you have any last words?" I ask.

"You're a disgrace to the Bracken name." He says.

"Well then," I pause. "it's a good thing I'm a Blackwood."

I turn to Benji, whose face reads nothing but pride in me.

"My betrothed," I start.

"Yes, my lady?"

"I believe I know what I want for our wedding."

"Whatever pleases, my lady. Ask and it is done."

I smirk, "I want his head."

One clean swipe was all it took.

Bloody Ben, gets on one knee, and holds up my uncle's head as a gesture of love to our union.

"Put it on a spike. Remind those what happens when you challenge a Blackwood."

———

The maester did what he could to stop the infection, but my right eye could not be saved.

"I look like a monster." I say, trying not to cry.

"The scar will be quite attractive." Ben says. I roll my good eye. "You can cover it, my love, if you so wish. Or perhaps a ruby, or obsidian to take its place."

My leg would fortunately recover. The scar ran from my thigh down to my calf. I have no idea how the maester was able to save it, but he did, and I was forever in his debt.

It would take me years to fully recover, but I had time. We had time.

It took days to clean up the land of bodies. Rain came, cleaning the grass of the blood that stained. After that, it was as if the battle never happened.

Each time I laid my eyes upon Stone Hedge, I sobbed. I would never forgive myself for my brother's death. While time would heal my wounds, they would never heal my grief.

———

Some years later

Benjicot and I married on the 20th day of the 7th moon of 129 AC. The union was approved by the queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, and her son Jacaerys had come to celebrate in her name.

I had become Lady Blackwood of Raventree Hall, and I was finally loved. I was loved deeply and greatly by my lord husband, Benjicot.

I had found a family in ones who were once considered my enemies. Alysanne and I set our differences aside and became sisters, Willem Blackwood accepted me as his new daughter.

The war however, was not so kind. It had been called The Dance of Dragons. My husband and I had gone off to fight for our kingdom numerous times, no matter how much he begged for me to stay back.

Nowhere felt more familiar to us than the battlefield. We fought side by side, protecting each other always. We had earned the nickname Bloody Ravens in time.

When the war finally ended, my husband and I returned home for good. Scars covered our bodies and we embraced them. They were reminders of who we were, and what we had endured together. Reminders that no matter what we faced, we would always be there to protect the other.

One day, my husband came to me.

"My little Bracken." He said, kissing my neck and wrapping his arms around me as we stood on the balcony, overlooking the land.

"Lord Husband." I greeted him. He hummed in my neck.

"I believe it's time we produced some heirs for House Blackwood." He says, planting gentle kisses along my neck.

"Is the babe in my belly not enough?" I ask, a playful smirk on my lips. He moves his hand down to my swollen belly, rubbing gentle circles.

"I want these halls running with Blackwood children." He continues to kiss me.

"Oh, my dear husband." I turn and cup his cheeks in my hand. "When I push this babe out within the next few days, you can fill me with another."

He smiles, planting a gentle kiss on my lips. Our daughter was born on the 3rd moon of 132 AC. Her name was Alyssa Blackwood. Benji held true to his word because after that pregnancy, we had 4 more; a boy and girl, the heir to Raventree Hall Aeron and his twin sister Aly Blackwood, another son, Benjamin Blackwood, another daughter, Nyra Blackwood, and another son Willem Blackwood.

"My little ravens." Benjicot called them.

And we lived in domestic bliss. Indeed, we had never felt peace again. But, who does after you have children? Our ravens roamed our halls, spreading chaos as Benjicot and I had when we were younger, but it was all we wanted. One day, my children would know the doomed song of their father and I's love. They would learn the history of our houses, the feud between them, the loss of their uncle. They were Bracken and Blackwood, through and through.

Bloody Ben died, and in his place was Benjicot Blackwood... Until the time always inevitably came where my husband and I went back out to fight. You can take the man out of the war, but you can never take the war out of the man.

Sometimes, we still snuck away at night, going back to that weirwood where it all began. We played, we swam, we fought, we fucked, we loved. It would always be our place, for just us. No matter what happened, no matter where we started, no matter who we were, who we became... we would always return to where we were meant to be.

And in years and years when Benji and I grew old and gray, ready to meet the Gods, we knew we would come back here again.

Together.

Where we began... Where we end.

𐂃 🐦‍⬛

[sombredancer]

Recent visually beautiful and generally watchable Russian fantasy movies

(because I start forgetting they exist at all) Ironically, all of them are adaptations of books/comics.

I Am Dragon / Он — дракон (2015) This movie is a very free adaptation of the novel "The Rite" / "Ритуал" by Maryna and Serhiy Dyachenko (Марина и Сергей Дяченко). It's a reinterpreting of an ancient tale about a maiden, a hero and a dragon. I don`t like the novel because it's very postmodern, wracks the typical fairytale plot and hurts my escapist feelings by ugly reality, but the movie is pretty fairytale-ish and nice. Firstly, it is visually beautiful and represent Slavic pseudo-medieval lore the way it should have always been in Slavic fantasy.

Secondly, as a love story between a monster and a maiden, it has got A PLENTY of tropes I'm usually looking for in Chinese dramas, so I understand very well why it was pretty popular in Asia.

Thirdly, when I said it's visually beautiful I wasn't joking. The main hero is played not by an actor, but by a male model, who is shirtless all the time (and sometimes pantless) and has a very fit and good-looking body. It's something unbelievable that someone in Russia made a movie to please women's eyes! Really, it's insane!

The folk-rock band Мельница wrote an insanely beautiful song "Обряд" (The Rite) for this movie (more matched to the book plot, though), but it was never used as OST, which is a shame. The song is about a black sheep girl, who is denied by society and asks a dragon to come for her and to take her away, because the dragon is denied by this world just like her. You can listen to it here. The band also has a song "Змей" (The Wyrm) (based on Lev Gumilev's poem), which is more accurate to the plot of the movie: the wyrm kidnaps maidens to make them its wives, but they are all dying during the flight; at the end of the song a hero-knight is ready to shoot it in order to stop it. Listen to it here.

It ends with HE, which is better than the book's obscure ending, so it is pleasure for me to rewatch it till these days.

Major Grom: Plague Doctor / Майор Гром: Чумной Доктор (2021)

It is an adaptation of Russian comic series "Major Grom" by Bubble comics. I am traditionally not very happy with the source material, but it is very good reworked to be the screen play of this movie.

It's very beautifully made in terms of director's, cameraman's and screenwriter's work, which is a rare thing for Russian movies. Also, the actors are young and handsome, especially the villain, which is a rare thing not only for Russian movies, but for the current Western movies, too. It has got a lot of allusions to Russian reality and a lot of beautiful views of Saint Petersburg, the second capital of Russia and one of the most beautiful Russian cities. And it has got some unusual visual solutions that turn it into a comic it should be.

The plot revolves around a mysterious serial killer (kinda bad Batman), a black sheep police officer and Russian Mark Zuckerberg (kind of). Mark Zuckerberg is the best guy of this movie and I like him a lot! Серёёёёжа! 🧡🧡🧡

This movie wasn't popular in Russia because of political situation in the country by the moment of its release (the both sides found out in there something insulting for them and banned it), but even if it has something like that, I honestly didn't pay attention to it. It's just a nice blockbuster with a tragic and handsome villain. The villain also has got his own BL-drama (in the comics they are really lovers, it`s as obvious as it could be shown in a Russian comic).

By the way, the villain is hot, insane, ruthless, sensitive and suffering. How does he contain all of this character treats in one personality? you may ask. He doesn`t. He has dissociative identity disorder, I would answer.

I don`t know if it works by now, but some time ago you could watch this lovely movie on Netflix.

The Master and Margarita / Мастер и Маргарита (2024) This is a loose adaptation of Russian classical novel "The Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov. I genuinely hate this book, but the adaptation reinterprets it, divides it into very interesting layers and makes it understandable and beautiful.

It`s layered, so it will probably be hard to understand what layer are we currently on if you are not familiar with the original story. The first layer is an ugly Soviet reality, the second layer is a plot of the novel that the main hero is writing, a story within a story. The third layer is the insane intertwining of the first two layers. On the reality layer the Master loses his job and freedom because of friend's denunciation and becomes star-crossed lovers with a married woman. On the novel level he meets devil, who visits Moscow by chance, and the devil gives him and his woman opportunity to live their lives being free from everything that usually tortures people IRL. Somewhere among those layers is a little plot about Jesus and Pontius Pilate.

The movie is visually beautiful. Although it feels pretty anti-Soviet, Soviet visuals of the movie are gorgeous. There were used the Stalin-times concepts of Moscow of the Future, the CGI buildings in frame came from the real architecture projects of those times. The Stalin Empire architecture style and views are typical for Moscow (but as I know, ironically, this all was shot in Saint Petersburg). It seems to me that this movie is heavily stuffed with visual allusions to the Western works: devil's escort looks like bunch of Pennywises, Margarita is Enchantress from Suicide Squad I, the scene of blood dripping is from Blade I etc. Usually, when I see it in Russian movies, it feels like plagiarism because I can recognize the reference but there is nothing except for these references . But here we have got the plot, so the allusions work as allusions and don`t irritate me.

The movie is dark, disturbing, uncomfortable. It really makes you feel as if you watch devil and his escort marching around you; they ravage, kill and destroy everything and you can only breathlessly, helplessly and in fear watch them. The German actor playing devil is insanely good. He stole the movie and I understand why it should have been named Woland (the devil's name) instead of the current movie's name. You may want to watch it, because it's very unusual in terms of plot and visuals experience, especially when you are not familiar with the book.

[kidrauhlschik]

4. Tangled Memories - Lee Know AU

Post Traumatic Amnesia (PTA) is a transient state of confusion, disorientation and memory loss that occurs immediately following a traumatic brain injury. PTA is sometimes also referred to as post traumatic confusional state and can occur from the moment of injury until the return of continuous memory.

The accident was a tragedy.

But it was the best tragedy to ever happen to you.

-

-

Final Part - See pt 1, 2, & 3 on the Masterlist linked above

Warnings: angst, f!reader, enemies to lovers, drunk driving, gaslighting, Fighting, yelling, cursing, angst, heartbreak, lies, angst, accidents, not proofread, minho is mean, lmk if I missed anything!!

Words: 2.2k

-

You find the note the next morning and immediately crumple it up and throw it in the trash. Since when has Minho been so sentimental and needy?

You can understand that he's over whatever rivalry he two of you used to have, but you're not. Up until the day before, you thought Minho was good, perfect even, but opening your eyes and remembering all of the awful things he's made you deal with made things so much different.

For starters, you can't believe that you trusted him. He's just as manipulative and sneaky as he's always been. He took advantage of your vulnerable state and made you depend on him. He would have been okay with you dying that day and all of the sudden he's not.

Yet, he also coaxed you down from your panic attacks, he made sure to always available for when you needed him, he stayed with you around the clock when you were injured. Thing is, you wouldn't have gotten injured if it wasn't for him.

The back and forth is overwhelming so instead of pondering on the fact you go to check your phone, which probably made things even worse.

Chris: He told me. Im so sorry. Its all my fault.

Innie: Wanna talk? I heard what happened.

Seungmin: I can't believe you didn't tell us you were remembering stuff.

Hyunjin: I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark. We need to talk.

Lix: Hey wanna come over? I can make us brownies and we can talk things out.

Changbin: Are you okay?

Jisung: Minho is really sorry. I am too. We all are. Can we talk it out?

Chris: Please?

Not wanting to deal with everything right now, you shut your phone off and begin your day. It's time to clean up and enroll in classes again. You should probably catch up with your other friends as well, you'd been very distant because you were always hanging out with Minho. It's best to keep busy and avoid thinking about that snake.

Tragically, as snakes would have it, Minho manages to slither his way inside your thoughts on a regular basis for the next month. As much as you hate it, you couldn't help seeing him in everything. He was in your sheets, in your kitchen, next to you on the couch, in the park, in the flowers, and in the sunset. Everything reminded you of him, every version of him, the bad and the good, and you're not sure which one you prefer.

Classes were to start in a week, through your circumstances, the school was able to let you enroll late to your classes, but you were now a year behind. There's so much to catch up on, yet your brain allows something to distract you from your studies, and that something is always Minho. He hasn't made an effort to make contact with you, which reassures you that whatever he had going on was all made up in his head. Maybe it was all a moment of hysteria.

The hysteria felt awfully real to you though. You can't help but doubt yourself and ask if the sleezy, ignorant, cold Lee Minho actually felt something for you, or if you felt something for him. That's why it's better to keep busy rather than to sit and ponder.

Chris: Wanna come over? It'll just be me and Jisung :)

You had forgiven the guys awfully quickly for your predicament. You could see why they'd put Minho in that situation in a moment of anger, they didn't even know that you were remembering your past, and although you wished they would have stepped up more to impede the shit show that happened with Minho, you can tell that they're sorry. They're your best friends after all, but you were still keeping them at an arms distance for the time being. Except for Hyunjin. He always encouraged you to chase after Minho and you couldn't help but too feel betrayed at that. No one else pushed you into his arms but Hyunjin did, and who knows? Maybe if he hadn't, you could've remained civil with Minho instead of playing house.

When you walk inside of Chan's dorm, the smell of warm pizza welcomes you like a warm hug.

"Hey! How are you?" Jisung asks from the couch beside Chan.

"I'm good, thank you." You offer a small smile in return as you take off your coat to lay it on the nearest clean, flat surface.

The place is a mess, there a cups everywhere, the trash is overflowing, and the entire floor had become a laundry basket. "I don't keep you guys in check for a year and all of the sudden your place becomes a pigs den?" You laugh while sprawling yourself on Chris' couch, throwing your legs over Jisung.

"Hey! It wasn't us, it was -" Jisung gets cut off by Chan discretely pinching his leg under the blanket. The younger winces but remains silent.

"Yeah, Jisung's been a mess lately." Chris smiles apologetically.

"Haha. Yeah, sorry." Jisung adds.

You couldn't help but feel as if they were hiding something, but before you could question them, the front door swings open.

"Jisung. What the hell do you want? I was in the middle of practice." The second Minho spots you, he freezes like he did before. Loss for words, he just stares at you as if he'd seen a ghost. He wants to walk out and get as far away from you as he can, but he also wants to run up to you and hold you in his arms. He wants to apologize over and over again, he wants to beg for your love, but he knows better than to think that you'd accept him.

You immediately hop off the couch, quickly on guard, wishing that he wasn't standing in front of you. Seeing him in your memories was very different than seeing him in real life. He looked thinner, tired, and restless. The Minho you had been seeing for the past year looked happy and healthy. Now he was drowning in his hoodie, his hair was messy, and his expression read exhaustion. You couldn't help the worry that seeped its way into your brain.

"What are you doing here?" You ask.

"I live here." Still staring at you in shock, unfortunately, it seemed that he'd gotten even better at hiding his emotions.

"What about your place?"

"I got kicked out for not maintaining the place while I lived with you."

Was he implying that this was your fault?

"You never had to live with me in the first place." An argument. Something you were both so used to, now caused an ache in both of your chests. Your words catch at the base of your throat, and Minho doesn't even have the energy to argue.

Minho finally takes his eyes off of you, scanning the area, looking at the mess he'd made at his friends dorm. The past month had been hell for him. He kept on beating himself up anytime he had a second alone with his thoughts. The only good thing he had done since he left your place was joining the school's dance team, hoping that doing something he enjoyed could take his mind off of you. He was wrong. Every time he showed up to practice, he remembered that you were the only reason he was doing this, not giving up on his dream. He was undereating and overworking himself to the bone, which was not the healthiest coping mechanism but the other option was to rot away in the couch.

He nods and makes a move to turn away, leaving the dorm again.

"Don't walk away Lee Minho!" He pauses his steps but doesn't turn around.

"You wanted me to leave."

"It's not that easy! I don't know what I want okay? I'm in shambles. I want you to leave, but I want you to come back right after. I want you to cry but it hurts to see you in pain. I trust you but I hate you. Worst of all I love you, but I don't even know what's real anymore." You throw your arms up in desperation, not even realizing that Jisung and Chris had left the area long ago. "I just want to know what's real."

Minho finally turns to look at you with an expression that can best be read as indignation. Or was it desperation?

"You want to know what's real? The real thing is that I want to know every part of you, every scar, every bruise, I want to trace the map of you! All of you and every thing about you. My fingers a compass, and your freckles the constellations that I will chart in my heart. That way, when I close my eyes I'll have you in my stars forever, because guess what? You're already in everything else! You're in the sun, in the air, and in my reflection. I'm drowning in the memory of you and the worst part is that I can't even see you!" Minho walks towards you but you stay frozen in place.

"It's never been the way you looked, it was always the way you were. You were like me, both broken and angry. It wasn't until I saw you behind the walls and I was able to see you bare. I would have fallen in love with you with my eyes closed, but I never could because we never allowed each other the chance. You told me that you didn't want to be the shell of who you are, so why can't you let yourself be happy?" He's face to face with you know, a mere couple of feet apart. He was no longer loud, but more so calm. His plea turning into a confession.

"From the moment I saw you making a fool of yourself in that park, I knew that you were worth the broken heart. Finish breaking my heart, and you'll find yourself inside. I'm sorry, but I'll never find the right words for you. You are my everything, always, and even that is not enough."

"Minho stop." Somewhere in the middle of his speech, your eyes decided to betray you and tears were now freely streaming down your face.

"I'm glad I found you, the real you, because before you, I never knew what to wish for. Want me to be honest?" He laughs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm terrified of letting you in. I'm scared to see myself more clearly through your eyes, wondering if I'm good enough. I already lost you, but the truth is that not having you scares me more than all the other truths of love. So please, look at me in the eyes and tell me that I'm not being real right now."

He's mere inches away from you, searching for an answer on your face.

So many thoughts but no clear answer runs through your mind, you're just overwhelmed by his confession, the situation, his mere presence, is not letting you think clearly whatsoever. So you break eye contact and make a bee line for the door. While holding the door knob, you stop and say your last words.

"Sorry Minnie."

Minnie.

The one term of endearment that Minho allows to give him hope.

-

Of course on the first day of class you'd be running late. You hated being late and the stress of studying is weighing heavy on your shoulders. How could the morning be any worse?

Luck is a funny thing though. Just when you think things couldn't get worse, they always do.

You bump into someone that simply continues walking, making you drop all of your notecards and papers on the floor. You immediately bend down to begin collecting everything, but there is so much going on around you. People playing around, others trying to find a seat, and more reuniting with their friends after the summer. So much people, so many noises, this is why you're never late to anything. The stress begins to build even more, to the point where your hands begin to shake, needing to move faster in order for you to find your own seat.

His hand comes out of nowhere. Body shoving away the people that were stepping on your stuff, rushing to pick everything up to help you. He hands everything he collected in a neat pile and you cautiously take it. He then turns to the nearest desk on his left, grabbing two coffees and handing you one.

"Hey, I'm Lee Minho. Looks like we're in the same class. Wanna sit together?"

Starting from where you left off was messy, but maybe starting from the beginning wouldn't be so bad. It will take time, but it might be worth it. If everything was real, it will definitely be worth it and more.

"I'm Y/N. I'm down, but I have to warn you, I can be a bit mean at times."

He laughs and hovers a hand on your lower back to guide you to the two empty seats next to each other.

"I wouldn't change that for the world." He gives you a small smile that could also be a smirk. He had the audacity to be cocky?

Despite that, you can't help the little ray of sunshine that warms you from the inside.

“I hope you mean that Lee Minho.”

“I always mean what I say.”

-

A/N: okay, i am not in love with the ending but honestly if it was up to me, i would've ended it on the last chapter. I'm trying something new w happy endings. Thank you so much for reading!!

TAGLIST: @stanstraykidsskz @weareapackofstrays @linos-kitten @cassidymb121

[le-trash-prince]

For lack of better things to do with my life, I’ve been staring at various frames of Jeff’s visions, trying to figure out what is going on/who ppl are in some of the shots, and I figured I'd post about it in case anyone wanted to discuss or guess with me

cut for heavy speculation. No actual spoilers plz, this is just based off of onscreen information, stuff that's already aired (any conclusions I can draw based off outfits in bts footage have been excluded)

okay so in Jeff’s last vision after leaving Tony’s place, we see Kenta attacking someone with a knife

This person has a ring on their right hand, so at first I assumed it would be Tony, and who wouldn’t WANT it to be Tony, right?

Except Tony wears a ring on the first finger of his right hand, and this person has it on the third finger. So… not Tony, unless there’s costuming inconsistencies going on.

So who wears a ring on that finger? *cue sinking feeling in my stomach*

Pete wears a ring on that finger. Which makes it highly possible that this is Pete who Kenta is attacking, which means I could very well get my heart torn to shreds with some friends/maybe-lovers to enemies tragic shit. *stares at the wall*

With Kenta seemingly targeting Pete in the upcoming ep, maybe we’ll see this scene on Friday, maybe not. Whatever happens, if it is Pete, I hope it fucking wrecks me.

Thoughts on this??? The only other person I've noticed with rings is Dean, but he's got two rings on two fingers, and also I don't see why or how Kenta would be attacking Dean.

This is possibly the same fight scene, possibly not (maybe Kenta just goes stab happy idk), but anyways this person has a dark long-sleeved shirt and a dark jacket on top of that, which matches with what we've seen Pete wear.

I'm open to the possibility that it could be literally anyone and also that it's potentially not as it seems, since the vision of Charlie's death was obviously not Charlie actually dying.

Also, there’s another person in Jeff’s vision that I’m like? Who the fuck is this...

Random journalist/paparazzi? Jeff’s spy? A spy of Tony’s? Like literally who are you sir???

And one last mystery person is this, who I am once again assuming to be Tony (PLEASE let this one be Tony for the love of god). We've seen Tony in some brown suits, although the only one I've gotten a clear view of has different buttons than this. He's also the only one we've seen in suits like this at all, so I think it's at least intended for us to assume it's Tony, right? But again, it could be misdirection. But please someone stab Tony, FOR ME THANKS.

Anyways, that's all I've got. Teasers and such like this are often misleading, and we have literally zero context for these shots, but I think it's fun to do the guesswork. First watchthroughs are really the only time we get to speculate, after all.

[doodle-pops]

Sooo.. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it’s been living rent free in my head for a while. What do you think an enemies to lovers trope with Glorfindel would be like (how could you hate this ball of sunshine, but I guess that’s why I wanted to ask)? I’m sorry if this sounds rude or if I was bothering you, thank you.

Glorfindel?! The resident ray of sunshine?! Anon, shame on you for wanting to bring hurt to our Golden Retriever 😟. Though, I can surprisely think of a few scenarios because that's unfortunately my ability as a single braincell writer 😖

Under the cut because it's A LOT. I gave two scenarios :)

Being a descendant of House Feanor

Let's give Glorfindel a sibling (and no, not Elenwe because I know lots of people headcanon them as siblings) who died on the ice while crossing. Tragic, I know 😓

As much Glorfindel puts on the façade of being cheerful, he's furious towards the House of Feanor for the ship burning which led to his sibling dying on the ice.

In comes you, whichever position you want as a Feanorian—their sibling or child—in the 2nd age where Glorfindel makes it clear that he hasn't forgiven you for your actions at Losgar and his sibling dying. As much as you attempt to settle the situation calmly, Glorfindel makes it clear that he doesn't forgive you.

Perhaps from there, the enemies to lovers troupe begin. The two of you constantly clashing despite attempts at distance yourself. Words and insults are flung at one another, more privately because he doesn't want people to witness his aggressive demeanour. And so, you begin to despise the ever fabric of his existence because he was ruining your peace you were attempting to find after years of chaos.

You are constantly left defending yourself, (whether you did burn the boats or not is up to you) because somewhere along the lines, either of you will begin to catch feelings like it's contagious. Perhaps an incident where you're missing after riding out on a trip and you went missing. Glorfindel is told to lead the search and rescue party and he's FOAMING at his mouth because you can't preform a simple task without messing it up. (Sir🤚, please stop being so aggressive. I'm a sensitive baby 🥺😭. Go easy on me 🥺👉👈)

And well, from there, it's pretty obvious how those end up. Spending days searching for you, he eventually does come across you on his own and has to fight off orcs/captors. He probably gets injured and you're left to nurse him back to health. As much as he resists, he's grateful, but tries to put up a wall to not let anything else occur. F A I L U R E. His sass doesn't cut it this time because you came prepared to handle his ass.

After spending weeks A L O N E and having to get along, ✨romance✨ is in the air and confessions are made. Not just romantic confession, but apologies as well. A little whisper of, “You're not as bad as I considered you to be.” OMG!!

And you both lived happily ever after when you returned and began pursuing each other and surprised the public.

For the other one, I can only think of enemy to lovers which is different from enemies to lovers. This one is a one-sided hate from reader's end.

Mortal reader

Reader is mortal and probably has an ongoing feud with elves in general. Maybe when one of her villages was being destroyed by an orc raid and help was needed, the elves never came. Eventually, once day reader becomes injured too close to Rivendell and wakes up in the healing wing.

You can just imagine how much confusion and disgust they're experiencing in that moment. Lord Elrond would introduce himself and attempt to calm them, and then in the wonderful moment of reassuring reader's safety, he mentions it was Lord Glorfindel who was responsible for military service that found them.

Well would you just look at how reader's blood is going to boil at the realisation of being saved by the people who they had hoped to help their village when it was under attack. Ah, yes! Reader starts hating Glorfindel before they even met.

Let's say that during their choice to remain locked up in the healing wing, Glorfindel wants to know if the mortal he saved was secure, so an unfortunate visit was made. And reader, upon learning of his identity through harmless introductions, becomes enraged that he would even attempt to visit.

Because of the orc raid, reader's family died, hence the reason for the hatred. Glorfindel, now, is confused but also saddened at the accusations being made towards him and his kin for their lack of support and care to other races apart from themselves.

Attempting to dissolve the tension doesn't go as planned because reader refuses to accept any apologies despite Glorfindel's plead to understand their reason for not coming on time to help. They were basically held back by ambush but reader isn't buying it.

Lord Elrond would inform reader to dwell a little while longer until their wounds were healed. Reader chooses to stay indoors and out of sight however, Glorfindel persists on making reader see his POV. And so the chase begins.

Reader hating Glorfindel and avoiding him while Glorfindel isn't backing down (Never back down never what?! Never give up!) and pursuing reader to be reasonable and understanding. It's not an easy task, but this is the renowned Lord Glorfindel, the Balrog Slayer. He never gives up.

Perhaps insert reader slowly having their views of the elves hospitality changing during their time there which opens up their horizons. Lord Elrond having an input when he comes across reader sulking in the gardens during a check up an ear of advice to which reader contemplates.

Then suddenly, well being prepared to face Glorfindel once again, he doesn't show up. In fact, he stops showing up and pursuing reader finally concluding that his presence was making things worse. This brings a pang of disappointment as reader was looking forward to conversing with him. Even when they search for him, he keeps things short and distances himself with an apology and bow. 😭 (I'm not okay)

G U I L T eats at readers soul because throughout the angry back and forth banter, they were enjoying it and his presence. Even as they go over their shared conversations, it makes them slightly giddy as they find themself laughing. This makes them realise where they stand on their thoughts and feeling towards him.

Eventually (after swallowing their pride), they receive help to make an apology to Glorfindel. It's not a romantic confession, but more a platonic thing at first. Something along the lines of a friendship before it graduates into romance. It's all about overcoming their hate and reasoning with themselves and not blaming others instead of being understanding.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Fukuchi for the ask game please!

Fukuchi, sure!

Favorite thing about them: Causing Akutagawa to die for Atsushi I think he's a very well written villain!! He's sympathetic and likeable and his motivations are sincerely noble and understandable. His plan fell a little short, but that's just bsd for you ahah. I like how he poses real and relevant political questions, I dig any sort of political discussion. Overall, he's just a character I have lots of fun to reflect over and talk about, but that's primarly due to being a politics nerd pffttt.

Least favorite thing about them: I find some of the gags he gets into quite unpleasant, it's not for my taste personally.

Favorite line:

Self-explainatory. But like, something that actually has to do with Fukuchi...

It's just, I get the sentiment? Like, I get the feeling of being willing to do anything if it's to save even one single person.

brOTP: Sorry for being predictable, but highkey Fukuchi and sskk lol. Because Fukuchi seems to care about them /so much/. I find it a truly moving part of chapters 84-88, how Fukuchi doesn't want to fight even more than sskk themselves. He's genuinely sorry for them. He offers them heartfelt advices. He waits for them, he gives them time to regrup. He offers to spare one of them. Fukuchi has been a kinder mentor figure to Akutagawa in twenty minutes than Dazai has been in six years. He compliments Akutagawa and acknoweladges his value and spares him words of respect even after his death. I just,,, in a perfect world he would have loved them dearly, and be the first supporter of their union.

OTP: I REALLY like Fukuchi and Fukuzawa. Tragic yaoi FOR REAL. Very characters who aren't canonically gay but whose behavior just makes so much sense if you read them as gay. Also my other personal shipped them before they got popular. They just care about each other SO MUCH they didn't ever denied it and yet are forced to be on opposite sides... Ultimate star crossed lovers fr.

nOTP: Nothing. I need to delete this section.

Random headcanon: I can't think of anything of a proper headcanon, but I feel like he's looked to Fukuzawa and Ranpo many times and intimately wished they could have created a family together. I feel like the chapter 83.3 cover (the one a little further below) is exactly what Fukuchi would have dreamed his life to be if the world was different.

Unpopular opinion: I'm glad he killed Akutagawa. Duh. I've said this so many times but the “I wish Akutagawa didn't die” is a sentiment I really can't share.

Song i associate with them: I can't believe I could actually think of something, but Knife by rerulili is perfect as the love triangle / katanas / dying in your gay lover's arms story.

Favorite picture of them:

Favourite panel from the manga:

Favourite illustration:

Favourite illustration in the anime art style:

Send me a character?

[radioactive-earthshine]

If you're still doing the ship ask game: Iris x Barry and/or yj polycule (Tim, Kon, Bart, Cassie, Greta, Cissie, Anita, Slo-bo) please?

I'm just going to do Iris x Barry bc I already did Timkonbart.

Iris x Barry Note bc I know someone might complain: this is about the comics and the comics alone not the CW show.

Ship It

What made you ship it? Barry is Iris's canon husband and love interest going back to the silver age, they have pillars of foundation that are geologic in origin and it is impossible to ignore unless you are a misogynist.

What are your favorite things about the ship? I love how much IN LOVE they were with each other. They were each other's best friends, their accomplices, their partners, their equals and of course lovers. Which makes Iris dying, then not dying, and Barry dying while leaving Iris with Don and Dawn all the more tragic. Looking at the evolution of their relationship and everything that happened between them is compelling as it really is the full package and it ends somewhere.... awkward and maybe sinister. They might not be set up for a happy ending anymore, but they had a great run.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

To expand on my last sentence that they might not be set up for a happy ending anymore - I am not sure if they are meant for each other in current modern comics. At least not with how they are being written currently (I don't believe them even with the their history being canon again now). There is a bitter-sweetness to them having once had this beautiful history where they did have kids together, but that timeline is no more.

They don't NEED to stay together to make sure Bart exists either because Bart is, as Eobard said, the pioneer of the paradox existence protocol - he is totally unmoored from time so his parents do not have to exist for him to exist. The only reason I bring this up is because some people insist Barry and Iris need to have Don and Dawn NOW to make sure Bart stays alive, which isn't true.

But anyway I digress, I am not sure that they are right for each other anymore. The world and them as people have changed so much it feels like it is being forced. They need a better writer.

[loosesodamarble]

Could do Nacht and/or Mitsuri for the ask game please?

Since the last question was about Nacht, I'll answer for Mitsuri for you, Anon!

Favorite thing about them: I believe pink and green are a great color combo, especially for "lively" characters or a spring aesthetic. But I Mitsuri is the only character that I'm super familiar with that uses it. She really rocks the colors!

Least favorite thing about them: Maybe the fact that I keep finding myself re-evaluating her character when I see meta analysis posts about her? I already really like Mitsuri and seeing people's amazing readings of her character makes me feel bad for not noticing those same details myself. Yeah, it's not actually Mitsuri I dislike but my lack of deeper analysis of her at times...

Favorite line: I teared up while rereading the scene that this line came from but anyways... Chapter 200...

Meals always tasted best when I was with you, Iguro, because you looked at me with so much affection!

Even the simplest things seem better when they're done with people we love and that's what Mitsuri gets at. She enjoyed her meals more with Obanai around because his love for her made those everyday occurrances feel more special and... Well it's just sweet...

brOTP: Mitsuri & Kyoujurou! They're extroverts, big eaters, and super kind people! But in slightly different ways so that they're still individuals.

OTP: Mitsuri x Obanai. I'm basic but I love them! They're great! Tragic love, one of the best love tropes ever!

nOTP: none? I dunno. I only really see Mitsuri shipped with Obanai and Shinobu and both of those are great.

Random headcanon: Fun fact, ballet was introduced to Japan in the early 20th century! And Mitsuri's training uniforms from the Hashira training look like ballet leotards. I like to headcanon that Mitsuri has some passing familiarity with ballet. Maybe she classes while growing up or she went to see a performance (if they were established enough at that point in the KnY timeline). I just like to think that Mitsuri knows a bit about ballet and incorporated it's grace into her fighting style and training.

Unpopular opinion: ........ OBANAI AND MITSURI SHOULDN'T HAVE CONFESSED RIGHT BEFORE DYING! I know! My favorite line from Mitsuri does come from their dying confessions scene but them dying with each other but never actually getting the chance to put their love into words would've amped up the tragic end for them! I think their confessions could've been kept as internal monologue but them hashing out all those feelings for the other to hear? I'm saying it, I think it weakens the final moment! AAAAHHHHHHHH! If the KnY fandom gets fired up over this, I'm sorry. I'm a miserable, "tragic love" lover. And death cutting off a confession short is too angsty to pass up in my mind!

Song I associate with them: Credit to @acacia-may for bringing this song to my attention! All About Your Heart by Mindy Gledhill is a wonderfully fitting song for Mitsuri. It's sweet and full of not just love but acceptance for every aspect of the person being spoken to.

Favorite picture of them: It's on the fan-service-y side, but it's also a great look at Mitsuri's design, her weapon, and snapshot of her personality!

[hokusu]

hello im a new fan of touya.. maybe not yet a bnha fan but definitelly touya. i have been avoiding bnha for the longest time and now i feel like i've opened up a treasure chest filled with diamond when i found touya.. i instanly fell in love with him. with tears filled my eyes and sobbing really really hard cause unfortunately i fell in love with him right after watching an edit of him fighting with his family.. watching him dying and in the most vulnerable states. but i guess its better late than never. (right?)

he's so beautiful and yet tragic and i believe there are so much depth in him. but where do i start as a new fan? any recomendations.

also since im collecting plushies can you please tell what kind of plushie touya have out there? i need to get my hands on them. do you also collect his merch and would you mind share it with me?

(sorry if i was rambling i wanna pour my heart out to someone, and you are the only one i know cause im a levi fan as well hehe, have a nice day^^)

Ohhh, hello hello Anon!!

I love talking about my beloved tragic beautiful Dabi... and have been thinking about him so much since the recent episodes. He's so painfully soft behind the hurt and revenge...

Congrats on coming over to the Touya side! Absolutely better late than never and there is still plenty of Touya left to love. The Todorokis have the most interesting plot line in bnha in my opinion. I really love this story in spite of it's end, so I hope you find time to consume it fully. Since you're not a bnha fan yet I assume you haven't consumed the anime or manga content either.. but if I can say, he does not die in battle. And in my opinion, it's clear he lives on even post-war even if I wished to have seen a more concrete happiness for him! 😭

The best way to enjoy your favorite character is always to consume all the content for them lol. There's so many edits and fanart of his beautiful face and you are welcome to go through my blog tag of '#Dabi' if you wish for a place to see a good collection of them 🥺... And of course my personal favorite is reading him in fanfics, where we can truly explore his character.

If I may, might I introduce you to the other half of my love that will always go hand in hand with Touya for me... Takami Keigo/Hawks? 👀 They are basically two sides of the same coin.. constantly in parallel and Hawks is yet another tragic beautiful character. I particularly enjoy his interactions with Dabi in canon, but the fandom world for them together is endless and I could talk forever and absolutely rec some amazing fics if you decide that is also your cup of tea. 🤣

Oh plushie Dabi's yes! I want them all as well but have found them harder to come by than plushie Hawks so I am also still looking for him. (he is also sometimes quite deformed 😭 so it's hard to find good ones!) 🥲 But 'Banpresto' has released a few plushies of him in various sizes from mini keychain types to a medium more firm size and it depends which but some you can find online or others you'll have to import from Japan. I've used 'AitaiKuji' for a good place to browse in the past. There's also a 'Mochibi Dabi' which is more like a tsum tsum shape (relatively easy & affordable to buy). There's also some round ball plushies of him like from Fuwakororin and I've seen some custom fanmade kitty versions of him 🥺 like the one from AgiJagi. Beyond that he has a selection of figures, where his face looks better than others 🤣 so choose wisely (his nendo is super cute tho!). There's also been some collectible very expensive custom ones of him like the one from 'weareanimecollectors'. Anyways, happy merch collecting, I've only had the luxury to start doing more of this in the past few years so I'm no expert! But I can take some pics of the ones I have if you want to see mines. 😉

Always happy to talk more about Dabi! Please feel free to ramble haha. And ohhh hello fellow Levi lover, it's nice to know someone remembers my love for Levi too 🤣 since it's been quite some time since I screamed about him (blame dabihawks lol they took me like the wind) , but he will always be dear. 🥲 💛 Have a lovely day💛

[max-reblogger]

Romeo and Juliet - Ships #1

Alright this post about Romeo and Juliet is going to be a lot less vicious, lol. Just in case y'all didn't know I am a multishipper and I am only going to be talking about the ships I like, so no Tybalt x Romeo or nothing. Anyways here is goes.

First of all, we are going to start with one of my favourite ships ever and it's a rare pairing, in fact I don't think I've seen anyone ever speak of this (which is understandable).

Benvolio x Paris - Hold your horses, before you scroll past this just because you think I'm some kind of idiot. This is mostly because of the version of Romeo and Juliet I was in. We were practicing the Party scene and when all of the characters were supposed to leave for dinner we made a joke that Benvolio should pull the drunk Paris offstage in a flirty manner and this inspired me to come up with a heap of scenarios where they were romantic and such. I've written scripts. Lol. Because of my production, I characterise both Benvolio and Paris as peace keepers, Paris wants to marry Juliet so that he can keep the Capulet under some control and keep them from fighting and Benvolio just generally tries to stop fighting from becoming to serious, though he likes to indulge sometimes. And Mercutio and Paris were very close cousins with a strong sibling dynamic and because of this I would imagine Paris has met Mercutio's friends before, or at least Benvolio and in my mind through this they would've become close and would slowly fall for each other. After Mercutio's death they would both have someone to grieve over and could become even closer in supporting each other. And then their just their dynamic in general... SO GOOD! I'm going to stop here because this is already to long of a paragraph.

Romeo x Juliet - Obviously I ship them! I actually love them. I know the play is about how they were kind of stupid for falling in love so quickly and then dying and killing and causing so many tragic events in the play, but at the same time they have such a genuine connection and are soulmates and star crossed lovers and I can't help but love them.

Mercutio x Tybalt - They are such a good enemies to lovers pairing and because Mercutio is an Escalus like Paris, I can imagine both of them interacting with Capulets a lot because of their status and therefore they could also have some childhood friends to lovers. They are way more of a start crossed lovers pairing than Romeo and Juliet.

These are probably my favourites of all of my ships so I'll stop here for now. If y'all have got any questions about these ships or the scripts I wrote for Benvolio and Paris or requests for me to write something for a certain pairing please tell me. I will definitely be interested. Lol.

[furrbbyx]

Mermay submission

I started writing this because I wanted to make a mermaid yandere fanfiction based in Tamsin Ley's universe. And then I thought, make it lesbian because I need more lesbian monster love in my life. I never finished it, even though it was supposed to be a one shot because I got obsessed with word count, and the tone of the story. I also had a hard time getting to the smut, and the climax of the story because I had to build the complicated parts of taking home a sea creature who wants to consume their lover. And the end was supposed to be dramatic but I got tired writing it sooo

Here's the first part

Black lady mermaid X Black trans lady human

mentions of suicide ideation, pitfullness, sadness, misery, and boobs, and cursing

no minors beyond this point.

I submit to the monsterfucker society: "harsh as a siren"

When I bought the old gray wood house on the beach I thought I wanted to get away from the city, from people. Really I wanted to get away from my heartbreak. When Celia left me I was shattered. Everything about my life turned to a bunch of shards of broken dreams dashed against the unyielding ground that was Celia's indifference.

"I'm just not in love with you York! I tried ok? I tried to make this work but I'm not happy."

"I can change. I-I I can make you happy I promise, please Celia. You're everything to me, don't go. Don't leave please, god, don't leave."

Pathetic. I realize that now. I couldn't make that woman happy in a million years. It took a long time to realize that I'd been a placeholder for Celia. She had bigger plans for her life that hadn't included me.

So I left too, I got out of the city I knew. Left my apartment and my memories of what we'd had. Shit, I'd even left my job because I couldn't face the pity and the attempts to set me up with a rebound. I wanted to run away from the things that had shaped me and by the time I'd finished there was nothing to hold me together.

So yeah. I bought a little coffin for me to live in until I died of sorrow and loneliness. A small wind weathered house tucked in a cliff over-looking a beach of rounded sandstone boulders.

I ached for Celia and couldn't convince myself that we were over for good. For days after I moved in I would stare at the water and imagine ways that I could get her attention. I thought about trying to kill myself, about what it would feel like to drown in the freezing cold foamy waves. I thought up so many scenarios of my death that I would sometimes wake up after a nap confused that I was still in the house, still alive. 

My favorite was a little  daydream of me walking down the beach, wind whipping at my clothes, kind of tragic like that sea witch who had to become someone else just for a chance of happiness. Except I had no more chances. The round stones on the beach would slip and crunch under my steps as I paced  the shore until I got to the finer sand. I would imagine sitting down and deliberately taking off my clothes and leaving them neatly folded for Celia to find, because she was going to come looking for me when she heard I'd been missing. I would walk into the ocean then, feeling a sense of ecstasy. The cold would be sweet, the first intense feeling I'd had that wasn't sorrow. I would just keep walking, until the waves grabbed me and rolled me over and over like flotsam. 

I thought about this over and over for hours. When I was supposed to be working my remote job, I was thinking about dying. I didn't care about B2B, selling, making my boss money. I became  obsessed with ending my life. Yet it felt like another thing that I couldn't fulfil, like Celia's needs. My own escape fantasy filled me with bitterness and longing until one night a vicious wind whipped up from the sea and I could swear it was calling for me.

It had been a particularly gruesome day. The tide had been distracting me with noisy splashes so I couldn't even pretend to be focused on my coworkers during meetings. The wind kept choosing the worst moments to rattle my windows and siding like a poltergeist, causing my connection to glitch during my presentation. I'd run out of beer and cannabis, so I wasn't even buzzed enough to get through without showing  impatience and apathy like usual. My freaking bones felt like they were grating against reality. Every fucking thing was annoying me.

So when I finally logged off and saw that the short winter day had turned to night, and I heard the wind shaking my place for the thousandth time, I pushed away from my desk with a purposeful shove and made my way out to the beach.

Gusts of freezing wet, salty air immediately caught at my clothes and hair  when I stepped outside forcing me to struggle to the sand. The tide was coming in, hitting the beach like a fist with loud, wild waves. It was dark on my little little slice of land, I could barely make out the stones underfoot as I picked my way towards the shore. Behind me my house groaned and swayed on the posts that held it above the storm surge level as if warning me back. A loud unhappy creak caused me to look back and wonder if the roof might be coming off. 

The wind felt like it was picking me up, lifting me bodily into the night. It seemed to want to grasp and tear at everything. It whirled through the stunted twisted trees down the beach, it swirled the sand up into little dervishes, it howled and shrieked so loudly that I turned my face against it. But facing away from the biting sand and cold the howling became a distinct voice. It wasn't tangled up in the wind, nor was it the wind itself. I stopped to listen, rapt.

It wasn't a sound like the call of a gull, it was more like the vibrations left behind when the wind rattled against the house's siding. It reverberated in the air and against my eardrums, low and sad and....urgent. So urgent.

I looked back out to the sea and the sound was whipped away from my ears. Was the sea...did the sea want me?

I jerked into motion again, a bit heedless of the stone and shifting grit under my shoes. I hurried down the beach to the shore, not caring if I twisted an ankle or fell headlong into the churning water. Stopping just before the breaking waves, my body strung tight, I turned my head again to hear...

The calling was still there. Beating like a drum against my skull. Urgent. Come. Urgent. Come closer. A voice? But no words I could understand, just a compulsion, an impulse put into my limbs to keep walking into the water.

I turned my head trying to catch the sound, to tell how close it was. A gust carved up over the sea and into my chest bringing a splash of cold water over my shoes as the tide crawled forward.

"Fuck!" I stepped back annoyed with the icy squish of my suddenly soaked feet. The cold brought me back to my body a little. What was I doing? Was I going to walk into this roiling cauldron? Was this the night I would end it all?

For a long moment I watched the turbulent swash moving like a leviathan. It could swallow me so easily. It could take control of my life and make me anew.

Vibrations of urgency curled into my ears and around my brain again. There! 

The wind died suddenly and I could pinpoint the direction. Over by the jetty to my right. I followed the calling, almost running towards it. I skirted past the the tide, ignoring the wind which had come back full force, and approached the rock jetty curving out from the shore. At first I couldn't see anything but the lumpy, jagged line of dark rocks making up the jetty. The song, someone singing to me, it was coming from here but I couldn't see anyone as I climbed the jetty.

Was someone in trouble? The sharpness of the song's pull was being dulled by my panic. Was someone drowning?

"I'm here! Do you need help?" I yelled into the night cupping my hands around my mouth hoping I was loud enough to hear over the waves and wind.

Come! Come! Here!

My ears picked up to the sound "Where are..." I started to call out but found myself unable to to make a sound as my eyes came alive with the improbable sight before me.

Pressed against the middle of the jetty by the incessant watery force of the waves was a woman. Half of her body was above the water. Her back was against the jagged rocks of the jetty, arms braced there to keep her from being drawn out to sea as the waves receded.  

As I watched  another wave surged. The woman looked at me with inhumanly shining eyes, her mouth stretched wide as if in a scream as the water rolled into and over her. She was lost for a moment in the dark water. Fear hit me like a boulder and I scrambled down the jetty towards her. As the water pulled back I reached her. The woman's thick curly hair was dripping water into her strange bright pink eyes. 

Closer to her now, I realized why I had missed her in my search before. Her skin was as dark as the rocks she was trapped against. I could see the sea gathering strength for another heavy wave and I was desperate to help her before she was ripped into the tide. 

"Give me your hands!" I yelled trying to be heard above the wind. I grabbed at her arms and tried to haul her out of the sea but she was heavier than I expected and dead weight. She must be exhausted from holding on, I thought.

I wrapped my hands around her arms and started to pull her up the beach along the jetty. The wave that was coming was going to cover both of us if I didn't hurry.

Her wet hands slipped against my skin, scraping me with her nails. I winced but I readjusted and kept pulling her even when I looked down and saw how her fingers were connected with a thin translucent webbing.

I didn't get far before the water burst over us and soaked me through. For a terrifying moment I thought I would loose her in the surf as my feet slipped on the rocks beneath me and I fell, landing hard. My foot jammed between two boulders with a painful twinge but the resistance prevented us from being sucked out to sea.

I panted and sputtered and kept dragging her even as I tried to push us closer to the beach, to shallower water. I was only able to get us a few more feet before the next wave broke, and thankfully it much weaker than the last.

I heaved in air, nearly gasping as I lay back against the rocks. My back was stinging with cuts from dragging myself over the jetty. My skin was chilly from the ocean water and I was starting to shiver. I still held the woman's forearms tightly.

I looked down to find her staring directly into my eyes, her own strangely pink and glimmering in the night, the brightest light on the beach. I couldn't look away even as the waves rocked us. Her arms were stretched out, webbed hands gripping my wrists. The rest of her body floating behind into the ocean.

I had to blink a few times to make sense of what I was seeing. Her naked torso, almost hidden by the water, ended at a pearlescent ghostly dorsal fin flattened against her back and flowed into round curving hips covered by taut, pink shimmering, and glowing white patterned scaled skin. I looked down her length, a thick solid shape where her legs should be, to a gently undulating satiny fan of a huge fish tail flipping in and out of the water.

"What the fuck" My voice sounded small. I sat up to get a better look, absolutely sure I was seeing things.

The woman watched me with a smile and a little chirrup slipped from her full lips. But the tail didn't disappear.

I dropped her arms and faltered in gaining my feet as they slid over the slippery smooth boulders. I was struggling to breathe more now than when I had tried to save her.

Her eyebrows snapped together into a frown as I backed away. A wave hit her back and pushed her closer to me. I could see her breasts, large and hanging in the water. Her chest expanded and she reached out of the water towards me.

Come!

I felt her desire thrum inside my bones. Her will communicated to me in a low resonating tingle against my skin and my mind. Her song  was so much stronger this close. It caused an immediate reaction. My cock sprang to life in my waterlogged jeans pressing with a sudden painful throb against my lower belly. But her spell of sexual arousal was overwhelmed by my own feelings of white hot shame and confusion.

I had just tried to save this woman, this creature. Now I was betraying her by perving on her naked body? And betraying Celia. Wasn't I? I was utterly overcome and stunned by her otherworldly body and my reaction to it.

I turned into the night and ran.