#My sin shit posts... People like them?!?
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It was funny seeing people go "THAT WAS YOU?!?" on twt when I posted this this pic and said I and a friend made it, like yup, that was me and my buddy
#guilty gear#sin kiske#it's so funny to me#Apparently some people actually use it#That makes me so happy#I have also seen it be posted on twt#Like oh my gof I can't believe it#My sin shit posts... People like them?!?
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genuinely think it's good and healthy to follow at least one person in each of your fandoms who reblogs good gifsets but has just...absolutely dogshit takes on the show, or who ships that ship you despise. keeps things fresh. keeps things grounded. you gotta stay humble
#lauren feels things#fandom#this is mostly a joke post#obviously create the experience on tumblr that yOU want#you are not obligated to do any fucking thing on this website#but like....there are a few people I've been following on my other blog#(my real and anonymous one where I do most of my reblogging/fandom stuff)#and I've been following them for YEARS#or they're mutuals from the fandoms I've written fic for#and they just post the most out of pocket shit#or they ship ships that totally squick me out#or - the most annoying sin of all to me -#they post sanctimonious explanations about how the creators/actors/whatever#really feel THIS way about this particular thing#and all you other fans are wrong#(and like......no they don't. unless that actor or writer has said that#you have no idea they think that. also it doesn't matter what they think.)#but I'm honestly not kidding when I say this makes my personal fandom experience better#bc a) some of these people are just pals I disagree with!#and b) none of them are - like - toxic or anything#there's a certain kind of fandom discourse I do not tolerate#these people are mostly just kind of silly sometimes about stuff#and ultimately harmless#but it helps me understand a fandom better#and the fact that I've been doing it for like a decade now#means that i truly never get offended or hurt or feel any kind of way#when I see a bonkers take on something#bc I'm just like 'oh sure you're wrong but whatever good for you seems like you're having fun'#and sometimes ppl in fandoms take things SO PERSONALLY!#and it's okay that some people who make art you like or amazing gifsets feel differently about the thing you both love
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In regards to the post I just reblogged (the flag pin) I decided to open the app on my phone to see what ads I’d get and I see this
This is so fucking funny like???? Have they seen the movie Seven????? Brad Pitt puts his whole pussy into portraying the agony and grief in that scene and they try to use it to sell mountain biking equipment??? 😭😭
Like I get it’s lazy advertising and some underpaid intern wrote this (feels too coherent for AI) but still holy shit
#and before people are like wELL iT mAdE yOu TaLk AbOuT tHeM#recall that advertising on tumblr doesn’t work because we’re all too autistic and immune to that shit#I doubt the 10 people that see this post will think oh great I needed a sketchy store to get shit for my actual mountain biker friend!#spoilers I guess but his wife’s head is in the box and also she was pregnant and he didn’t know it yet#it’s part of the killers grand scheme to turn Brad pitts character into the last sin (wrath) by making him so enraged he kills him#also people always reference this line and omit the second in which he says WHATS IN THE FUCKIN BOOOOXX#seven#se7en#tried to post this last night and it got stuck sending. thought it was lost forever#opened tumblr this morning and there was my draft still open
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I’ve had a post go moderately viral, oh God
but I will say I’ve been scrolling through the replies/reblogs to this and it is F A S C I N A T I N G to see how many people use it to complain about the way others have behaved toward them without once examining how they in turn have behaved.
Thinking of yourself as primarily the victim of other people’s unkindness is treating yourself as a character (albeit a main character) and that might be the most fucked up thing of all.
#that post is not for people to think ‘yeah! right!’#it’s a post for people to think ‘oh no’#and yes of course OF COURSE many people have been treated badly by others#but statistically speaking — just STATISTICALLY — half of you are uhhh more sinning than sinned against#let's put it that way#and let me also be clear: I include myself in the 'more sinning than sinned against' half#I have treated so many people in my life like they were just supporting characters#and very few people have treated me that way (at least that I've noticed)#and although I hope sincerely that I've never put a character's nonexistent feelings above a person's I can't guarantee it#so this is not a wagging finger sort of thing#this is a 'damn shit's messed up' sort of observation#but there are a LOT of responses mad at me for not being clearer#which indicates that at least a few of them are hit dogs hollering#so here you go: clarity motherfuckers
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most annoying thing about being me is that i cannot engage with like. any fanon shit about dennis because i'm constantly on some advanced derangement and the stuff i thought two years ago when i was first getting comfy in the fandom is still the way everyone else looks at dennis but i'm like. yes but its Worse than this. you're like a quarter of the way there. this isn't the interesting bit, this is a symptom of it, keep going.
#ada speaks#i tried reading fic. i got probably 5 minutes in and was like hm i dont think i can do this#it doesnt like. piss me off. it just also does not interest me in the least#that post going around the other day got me thinking too like fjsmbfkfkj#i think maybe macbrain often causes ppl to come to the wrong conclusions too but 🥴#like i see so many people apply the same logic that makes sense with mac to dennis and it's like whoa. wait a minute. huh??#we're doing the catholic guilt thing here with him...? you think he's got a complex with that?#you think den's been anything other than openly queer since the show began ?? jdehkbfjkherbfjh i dont know man. where are you getting that.#dennis' shit is so far removed from anything else i think you NEED to understand him in a vacuum before applying individual circumstances#ie. when trying to understand dennis' behaviour Around Mac i don't actually think it has much to do with mac at all#or at least nowhere near as much as ppl give him credit for lol#he's just. like that. he's behaving perfectly in line with himself just not. with anything else. its not that complicated really#i also don't think that he hates himself nearly as much as everyone seems to think#conversely. also nowhere near the narcissist everyone makes him out to be.#still cant get over the absolute deranged interaction i had on twitter a while back where it was like.#''dennis isnt legitimately interested in Anyone because he's too in love with himself.'' like hdksbkfngmdjshdkfjfndj LOVES HIMSELF??#first of all the SINNED system is right there and those steps and that GOAL Mean Something secondly fhkfnskjrjdkbsnsnfnfk#meanwhile i was talking about some fic concepts & hcs a while back with a friend and they were like youre straight up writing plural dennis#like. ah. yeah. victoria is an alter. somehow i've written this while being like. hm. what IS victoria to him.#these two are distinct people coexisting in this body and dennis still *exists* even after coming out and transitioning...?#but how can i even begin to talk about this when i don't agree that much of anything in canon points to this. it's like.#i dont think brian lefevre or hugh honey or his random personas are alters. its specifically victoria and a few other instances#and victoria isn't even. a thing. glenn just conveniently gave a 'canon' name to a thing i was Already conceptualizing but its? not canon#anyway golden god firefighter and victoria manager. hello. anyone. dennis and victoria co-fronting.#this is more about. IFS than DID but it's.#idgaf about the macden other ppl froth at the mouth over im inside dennis' brain poking around i find them fascinating but not like that#(there is something wrong with me)#genuinely wish i could enjoy the stuff in the tag and the stuff that showed up on my dashboard regularly this is a curse DBKSBFMF
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does it count as "an adultery kink" if the fascination is only for the very specific dynamic where there's a still-totally-deniable thorki subtext underneath it all?
asking for the many people who have no doubt wondered this.
#yeah i'll just go ahead and post this right after asking about baptism. a sacrament and then a sin you get the FULL RANGE here.#also idk if i just lucked out by finding all the dark jane/loki fic right away or if i've found my mcu people unexpectedly#either is acceptable really#i'd read fic where thor is the one stealing his bro's lover but i feel like he'd just apologise to that lover for having even THOUGHT of it#while other way round seems like it'd effectively be a “buy one prince get a second one free” deal for anyone thor so much as glanced at#my Drafts are full of this sort of shit btw#no wonder arlo guthrie did a 20 minute song about avoiding them!
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happy pride month, im so glad to see people doing fun new varieties of ace discourse this year -_-
#that one post is really rekindling my 2016 urge to scroll through the ace tag and look at just how many people hate us#just saw a post unironically being like 'erm actually the ace discourse was justified bc all aces were homophobic and evil'#and called talking about how bad the ace hatred was 'rewriting history' or some shit#to the person who wrote that post: if youre hate scrolling the ace tag and happen to see this fuck you!!#and to all the people STILL pretending that being asexual somehow=being sex negative and eeeeevil: go die!#my fav thing about the ace discourse is how people rend the ace community in a wildly conflicting variety of directions#to really pin every possible sin on ace people's shoulders#it's just every goddamn thing#@ every single person whos like 'no no THIS time our hatred and exclusion of a marginalized group is for good and valid reasons'#I fucking hate your guts!#try growing as a person and not having your head so far up your ass maybe!#I refuse to even think about aro discourse bc by god it's always the dumbest shit you've ever seen#really throwing a dart at a wall of balloons labeled 'things to pretend aroace people do and get mad at them for'#I'm happy seeing everyone reblogging my greed pride post again this year. it's very nice seeing people be happy about pride and who they ar#but I'm feeling kind of down still seeing the same shit regurgitated nearly a decade later#just fucking let people define or choose not to define their own fucking experiences#how is that POSSIBLY still something you all have trouble with#year after goddamn year#fluffle talks#negative#happpppyyy pride#anyway if anyone happens to see my comments on that one post and comes to my blog#hello 👋 I hope you're having a nice night
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being autistic in the mormon church
being autistic in the mormon church was, for me at least, a weird experience. because i wasn't excluded or mocked very often, just smothered in that strange warm beige obligation. because they could tell, they knew i was different just like i did. so they held my hand, told the other children to be nice to me, to make sure i felt included. and my peers did, cause they didn't have a choice, raised to be polite and kind no matter what just like i was. so i was included and invited places, always as an afterthought or a checked box but invited nonetheless, injected into conversations and games by adults that my peers wouldn't dare contradict. 'well meaning' adults who ask me if im okay or if i want to join the group, talking down in the sweetest tones. every christmas and on every birthday they still track me down to give me a card about how much they miss my 'unique perspective', even though i always tried my hardest to fit in and say the normal things.
"Look at that one. it's different and broken, but you must be kind to it. help it stay in the light of god, because god is the only way to save it. we're good, and righteous, and its so lucky to be in the church because we're the only ones who'll ever tolerate it, because that's what god wants."
and i miss it sometimes. standing on the edge of people who i desperately want to be friends with, flitting around in the back of stores and staring at concert posters indecisively until the date has passed. never finding the right spot in a conversation to talk, never working up the courage to ask if i can come too, i miss the people who had to be nice. who had me on a little list in their mind of what they need to get to heaven.
but im never going back. because even i could feel that it was fake. i felt watched and judged and pitied at all times, by peers who would ask me if i was coming then talk amongst themselves about jokes i didnt get and shared friends i didnt know. and i may be lonely now, but id rather do the work and be awkward and sick with nerves and find people and spaces that i actually want to be in who actually want me to be there, even if it seems impossible now. id rather that than go back to that warm suffocating place, familiar like the worst kind of family.
also telling that all the adults im talking about are either women/afab people or members of the bishopric, people whose 'job' it is to be welcoming and nurturing, though these experiences are mostly from young womens so that would also be it, but even women who arent involved in the yw leadership are raised and taught and obligated to do this and i dont blame any of them but its always made me wildly uncomfortable. never as much as random men who would sit down next to me and just start talking like we knew each other tho so eh
#exmormonism#exmo#autism#actually autistic#neurodivergent#no hate pls its all highly personal to me if you find it inaccurate make your own post#this isnt good or articulate but do you get what im saying?#in other words every mormon adult talks to me like im two and wants to make sure i know where my parents are#i know this isnt just me cause ive seen the same shit with some other queer and autistic people in my ward#but sry if this doesnt fit your experience ive mostly been part of nauseatingly liberal wards in blue cities#i used to come home from activity days every week screaming and sobbing cause i started to be able to feel how different and disconnected#i was from the other kids#everyone misses me everyone wants to know what im reading everyone wants me to know that the church loves me and so wont i stay#wont i let them love me like a sick bird in a cage#and now people are nice in way that tells me im free to come back#questioning isnt a sin as long as you find the answers in god#youll be forgiven all of this if you just come back#ugh i dont even know#salt lake city#but im singing it like the 979 theme#utah#trans#nonbinary#this isnt even about that its just another internal feeling that makes me feel different#religion#religious trauma
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internet discourse truly has fried my brain but in the opposite way than i think people wanted it to. because the internet was so black and white about things being "good" or "bad", im literally scared to acknowledge that things i like have issues and arent perfect because the internet had to act like things being imperfect made them fucking garbage. i literally have to tell myself 'im allowed to like things even if they kinda suck' and 'just because this thing isnt perfect doesnt mean its garbage'
seriously fuck all of yall that couldnt ever just be normal about media you literally fucked up everything for everyone and most of the time yall were talking about KIDS SHOWS.
#my post#this is mostly about steven universe discourse i literally cannot fucking stand that shit#literally one of my favorite things in the whole world but people were so not normal about it that it was insane#A KIDS SHOW. IT WAS FOR CHILDREN. SHUT THE FUCK UP#not to mention people acting like things being bad means you cant fucking like them and youre committing a moral sin by doing so#i only think people arent allowed to like one thing and thats harry potter but i know people wont stop just cause i say so#do i sound a little hypocritical saying that? sure! but does it take away from my original point? no i dont think so.#see how easy that is? not making things just one thing or the other?#im so mad im not sorry
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Why do people like. Make me feel weird about being attracted to people my own age. Like I’m 24 and I’ll say that someone who’s like 22-26 is cute (anyone younger than like 21 is probs a no for me) and people will be like um they look like a fucking child you freak. Like sorry not everyone I’m attracted to looks like someone’s parent? Sorry I wanna feel worthy of people in my age group being into me too? I’m in college and want the life experience of having partners who are also in college? But then when I have partners who are 30+ people tell me I’m a victim. Why is everyone so ready to make trans and disabled ppl feel creepy for not just being fuckin ace I don’t get it WHO am I supposed to like
#mine#txt#got reminded of this bc of a post where someone said it’s a red flag to be attracted to the percy jackson guy bc he looks like a baby#my coworkers do this constantly like I’m known as Guy Who Fucks Older Men#but then if someone my literal same age is into me and I’m into them too it’s like ‘um wtf they’re not my personal type so you’re weird’#like yeah lady you’re in your late 30s it makes sense for u to think someone in their early-mid 20s looks young FOR YOU#and same w people my age like. you have the privilege of dating within ur age range so u don’t know any other experience#but it’s like fucked up of me to want that?#its similar to how ppl treat gender and attraction like ur literally just not supposed to like anyone#bc it’s all sinful just in different ways#should not have to FUCKING say this but don’t use this post to justify any actual whack shit#my whole point is DONT equate attraction to like 21-25 year olds w attraction to like. minors.#like if you’re pro fucking whatever don’t touch this#also for context almost all my long term partners have been specifically 2 years older for some reason#so it’s not like it’s Only old men who like me but that’s just like. the most common demographic#I know I’m making many different points in the tags don’t mind me I haven’t slept
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i love how as you read more into tlt, the ninth house seems more and more normal. Like if i'm at an immoral evil government competition, and i use human fat as soap and animate skeletons to do menial labor, i'm gonna LOSE if my competition is the third house, represented by ianthe "who HASN'T eaten human flesh and fucked a corpse" tridentarius. My weird skeleton thing seems normal, suddenly. Well-adjusted, even. It's recycling. They're using resources in a sustainable way. Normal and regular and productive for a post-climate change apocalypse universe.
People go on and on about how Muir drops you into gtn hearing from the person who knows the least about whats happening, and does not hand hold the reader through the crazy shit that occurs, and that's all true. It truly is a crazy writing decision to make your first pov character come from the universe's equivalent of amish fundamentalists. But the reader is actually done a huge favor being dropped into the ninth house first, because we already understand that space is cold and what catholic nuns are, and what goths look like, and what lesbians are. Very little time is wasted in the first chunk of gtn ripping hair out of your head wondering what the fuck is going on, because for all of its strangeness, the ninth house is already the most familiar thing we're gonna get.
Because THEN we learn that this whole universe's medieval chivalry system is designed to groom people from CHILDREN to not only be exploited and used as human batteries for necromancers, but to LIKE it. to wax poetic about it. to confuse it for love, to write fucking academic papers about it! Then we learn about planet flipping, an act so horrific and violent it turns the planet's soul into a massive vengeful monster capable of killing GOD. Like what do you MEAN the animals "change"? Is this why noodle has six legs? I would MUCH prefer to wear skeleton makeup and repent forever if the alternative was to witness my family dog grow TWO EXTRA LIMBS because the planet he lived on fucking died. Suddenly, living in the asscrack of a planet where no light gets in seems like a sweet deal when the whole solar system is lit by a sun that MAKES YOU GO CRAZY. The ninth house's WORST sin, killing 200 babies to make Harrow, a waste of resources and an act so terrible it haunts Harrow for the entire span of her life, is like a BLIP compared to the death count Jod's empire. God even hears about it and he's like, no big deal! The cohort probably kills that amount of people in a DAY.
And its ALSO tragic because you realize that all of this trauma and abuse that Gideon goes through is not really because of the ninth house at all. It's really just an individual skill issue that she wasn't treated with compassion. Nobody hated her because she's jesus or a bomb, nobody even KNOWS she's a bomb. It's just Priamhark and Pelleamena being deeply guilty and scared people that motivates her treatment, and absolutely nothing else.
They did something bad, and they know it, and Gideon survived it, and they can't kill her to cover it up, and that's IT. They killed themselves for pride, because they were afraid of the consequences of their actions (both the baby killing and Harrow opening the tomb) coming back to bite them. You can argue this is the catholicism of it all, and I wouldn't say you're wrong, but compared to the cavalier system, where exploitation is in the very lining of the house's institutions, the ninth house is really removed from the space empire's blood factory. This is compared to the fourth house where they have tons of children to be CANNON FODDER to join the cohort at fucking 14, compared to the eight house uncle nephew fuckery, even the fifth house which actually does seems nice to live on but also seems to have the fourth house in some sort of fucked up political bear hug??? (maybe the fourth house has so many kids in order to fight the fifth's battles? which is EXACTLY what jod's whole empire is about; politely stirring your tea and acting nice while you destroy everything) compared to ALL OF THAT, the cruelty that Gideon faces is really more a bug of the ninth's system than a feature.
There's nothing baked into the culture and everyday life of the ninth house that necessitated that cruelty; in fact, for such a pragmatic and resource-scarce place, it's WEIRD that a strong able-bodied young person was treated like a waste of space and resources. It could just have easily not happened, if Harrow's parents had been different people. Maybe they were products of their environment, but so was Harrow, and she values Gideon's life SO MUCH that she'd literally rather carve out parts of her own brain than exploit her. Gideon grows up knowing really NOTHING about cavaliers, so remote from the horrors of the empire that she develops an idea of what the cohort is from porn magazines. And in a lot of ways, that upbringing was desolate and terrible, and in a lot of other ways it literally DID NOT HAVE TO BE.
Gideon's MAIN THING is that she wants to be useful, to be needed, to be loved and it SUCKS that she couldn't even get it in the one place where she was actually an invaluable resource, where the death empire had the weakest reach. Gideon can't even blame her lack of love on the fucked up chivalry system like everyone else can because it JUST WASNT REALLY RELEVENT!?!?! This is like if i rolled up to the trauma competition and everyone else was raised in a nuclear warzone by wolves or something and i grew up in like, the suburbs and was raised by teachers and i somehow STILL WON. truly what the fuck guys.
#tlt#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#tlt gender studies#none gender with left grief#the locked tomb trilogy
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There's a lot happening here but this is a WILD level of hatred towards a kid whose only crime is existing
#am i insane? am i missing something???#like i get it my dad's a piece of shit too but that kid didn't do anything???#not even saying you have to raise it!!#especially the mom#but treating it like a demon is sooooooooo.......#and the replies were supporting it like yall hate kids for real!!!#there's no community anymore bc what is this#an orphaned 2 year old that's been effectively abandoned by everyone around them bc their parents weren't great people#that's so sad man#punished for the sins of your parents and you can't even talk yet#there's so much to unpack in this post tbh#therapist field day
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I haven't drawn Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss redesigns since last year and the fandom still regularly tags me/picks fights with me over them. I did not think a couple drawings would live in people's heads so rent free.
Like you can go find my redesigns on twitter, they're still very public. I just label them as "Angel Dust redesign" or "Alastor redesign". The only time I think I explicitly called a design bad was when I said I found Beelzebub's design atrocious. Which it is. It's an overdesigned mess that doesn't convey the sin at all, I'm allowed to say I don't like it. And even still, when I posted the art, I still labeled it as "Beelzebub redesign".
I'm not going to forget when you fans regularly stalked my account and PATREON just to figure out when I would upload the redesigns. You think I forgot about when I posted my Angel Dust redesign which was just meant to improve my old design and you people harassed me for days? You accused me of "baiting" fans because you are so self-obsessed you think everything I do is explicitly to upset you. You people misgendered me, told me to kill myself, called me a fucking cockroach and flat out threatened to assault me multiple times. Sure I was harsh about my critiques, but I didn't resort to homophobic and transphobic comments like you people did with my Angel Dust redesign because for some unexplained reason you diehard fans who have been following this project for 10 years didn't know that he's meant to be a drag queen. When I did a quick redesign of Katie Killjoy on my personal tumblr, guess what? You people flipped the fuck out, AGAIN.
I can't even talk about my own religion without you sad, paranoid losers thinking I'm trashtalking hazbin hotel. You made up some rumor that I block all Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss fans (despite being mutuals/friends with people who are fans of the shows or actually work on them) just so you could justify harassing me even more. You told me for years that I should wait until the Hazbin series dropped to get my full thoughts out and when it did you people still freaked out and berated me.
Even when I talked about my situation after posting my Angel Dust redesign, instead of apologizing, fans claimed I planned this hostile reaction to begin with to make the fandom look bad. That I was "pulling a transphobia card" for sympathy. I didn't do shit. You people have gotten more aggressive about your hate towards me because people finally saw how incredibly inappropriate and vile you people act over a midtier cartoon written by someone who has so many allegations of bullying, transphobia, racism and workplace abuse that it's become harder and harder for you to deny, so you take out your unrepressed anger on me.
I know the only reason you people target me is because I'm a big artist who doesn't kiss Viv's ass. You want me to be a diehard fan of hers like every other big artist you people bully into worshipping Viv and her show and I won't do it. So you just obsessively stalk and monitor my account and accuse every little thing I do as a spiteful attack so you can justify your little harassment campaigns again. It's pathetic.
Seek help, find a hobby, stop obsessing over people who don't like the same thing as you. It's getting sad.
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here is the reality. whether you like it or not, a large chunk of the global jewish population identifies as zionist, as in they believe that israel should exist in some capacity (regardless of their feelings about the current government). a lot of numbers have been thrown around that i don’t necessarily think are accurate, but it is very safe to say that particularly those who are involved in jewish community organizations and/or are more observant tend to identify as zionist. there are a lot of reasons for this that would take an entire doctoral dissertation to cover. if i wanted to cut myself off from every single jewish zionist or every single jew or jewish organization that believes israel should exist or simply has even one jewish zionist friend or one jewish zionist in attendance, i would have to completely isolate myself from the jewish community, and i am simply not going to do that.
for shavuot, we stayed up until past 3am having difficult conversations about israel and zionism and other rifts in the jewish community and how to talk about them without the inevitable defensiveness that always comes up, how to disconnect the political aspects of zionism from jewish identity and how to have difficult conversations with people who disagree with us without leaving the table. we talked about it through the lens of a story in the talmud about rabbi yohanan and reish lakish, a story that ends in tragedy, a story that is representative of where the community is headed if we aren’t able to start having these conversations.
so when gentiles show up and demand i abandon my community because it’s sinful politically incorrect to associate with sinners people with slightly different political opinions, it pisses me the fuck off. because y’all are constantly going on and on abt jews needing to “unlearn zionism” but then when non zionist jews refuse to just walk away from our people and decide instead to do the difficult work of starting and maintaining important conversations within our community, we get called zionists or accused of “associating with zionists” and therefore zionist by default.
so what do you want? do you want there to be less jewish zionists? because the only way that’s going to happen is if difficult conversations are allowed to happen, and those difficult conversations won’t be able to happen if you insist that all jews who aren’t zionist refuse to associate with the vast majority of our people. or are you simply looking to isolate jews with different political opinions than you because you don’t want to take the time to understand why so many jews identify as zionist. i know because i have had hours upon hours of conversations with the people in my community, and my understanding of their reasoning and motivation has made it easier to have conversations about zionism.
so it’s fucked because. y’all want there to be less jewish zionists. the only way for that to happen is to talk to them and understand them. but associating with them or trying to understand why they identify that way makes you a zionist. and therefore you should also not be associated with. but there should be less jewish zionists. so it sounds to me like y’all are just expecting people to change their minds because. what? because you said so? that is not realistic in the slightest!
anyway this post is not meticulously crafted it’s literally just me venting abt this shit but i’m just sick and tired of goyim who are not part of these difficult conversations deciding that they know better how to deal with jewish zionists (who they will not associate with) than jewish non zionists who are actually trying to have the difficult conversations with their community.
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my toxic trait is that i get in the habit of saying certain words wrong on purpose and cannot stop (i.e. premises as “pre-ME-sis,” pseudo as “SWAY-do,” swag as “swAHg”
#dangerous ramblings#idk just had an urge and posted it#this is probably one of my favorite word sins#bc i know enough random big words to seem smart when i use them#but that just means i can do shit like this and have people hate me a little bit more
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#honestly kind of given up on having any sense of meaningful connection and sense of community with other gay people.#looking at people’s posts still always having the same feeling— that whatever kind of woman that’s in vogue at the moment#it’s never my kind. also genuinely everyone seems so utterly vicious lol. I’m not gonna bother bc I know I’ll get torn apart.#also genuinely it just seems like so many people are just vicious lol. I’m not gonna bother bc I know I’ll get torn apart.#the idea of community seems like a sick joke at some point from what I can see everyone just hates each other.#I don’t wish I was straight all the time bc I think being gay is a sin or whatever I wish it bc it would mean I wouldn’t have to deal#with any of this shit. like I see other gay people and imagine talking to them and I feel like I’m going to puke from anxiety#bc I know if I make the tiniest mistake it’s all over. I’m just not good enough at figuring out what people want to hear.#lol I wish I was dead I hate this so much why did I have to be born like this
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