#My partner and I watched that whole stream just screaming at that guy like I'm not gonna name names but good lord

[northwest-cryptid]

You know what, no I'll go on record and just say that;

Mabinogi hands down IS the best MMORPG.

Now sure, you can immediately call me bias; and I can literally tell you that is an overused argument. Truth is, yes I have a bias, I have a bias as someone who has played literally hundreds of MMOs, and has never found one that can hold a candle to Mabinogi. Yes this includes games like WoW or FFXIV, and even lesser known but still popular titles like Path of Exiles or Warframe or even Tree of Savior.

But why exactly do I say that Mabinogi is the best MMORPG on the market? Well I think a good MMORPG does a few things, firstly I think any game that wants to be an RPG that lets you make a character needs to give you a sense of identity. Second, I believe an MMO needs to create an interesting environment for playing alongside others; whether they're directly in your party or not. Lastly, no good RPG is complete without going on a grand adventure with proper noticeable growth.

Now, before we begin to really dive into this essay of a post, I want to cover something real quick because I think it's important. When I say Mabinogi is the best MMORPG, and I'm saying that I've played games like WoW or FFXIV. I'm not trying to say those games are bad. I will concede that direct translation and definition would suggest I believe they are "worse" than Mabinogi, and yes I do believe that. However I'm not trying to tell you that your favorite MMORPG is bad or garbage or whatever. Please do not take my personal opinion to be slander of your favorite game. For a lot of players, an MMORPG can be special to them, the characters and the world can mean something to them; and I don't want to be some hater when it comes to your favorite place on the internet.

I'm not coming into this as someone who's naive about the world of MMOs, I know the good and the bad of them, not ALL of them; but a good lot of them. However I want to make something clear; if I went into why other games were "worse" than Mabinogi I would immediately be ignored. Let's say you really like FFXIV, that's fine; it's a good game, I play it myself and am excited about the latest expansion coming out in a few days. Now if I tell you that I think it's kind of ridiculous how much they've simplified the game to the point no class feels truly unique mechanically, or how I used to like AST more before they took away our card's uniqueness and such. It's entirely possible you would stick with me and understand that, even if our opinions differ; what I'm saying is true to me even if it's not to you. Sure maybe you hated having RNG in the RNG healer class, maybe you disliked having to decide if you wanted to spread that buff to the whole party, or enhance that buff for one person, or extend the buff. Maybe you like it more now that everything sort of does the same thing. I'm not talking down to you or being sarcastic when I say, that's fine. We just feel differently about it. Thing is, I've very likely lost you; It's unlikely you hear all of that and not think I'm just some FFXIV hater. I'm not, but it's unlikely you think that way after hearing all my gripes with it. I wouldn't blame you for thinking someone who just tore into a game likely dislikes the game, that's a fair assumption.

If at any point I do sort of dig into a game for it's changes, mechanics, or just how it works. I want you to understand I only feel that way because I do enjoy those games and wish they didn't do things that made playing them feel less fun to me. Those last two words are possibly the most important there; this whole post is strictly opinion, it's my opinion. We don't need to share that opinion, but I hope you find what I say to be at least interesting. I don't see much reason to sit through the whole thing otherwise.

Oh... and one more thing, if you follow this link and download the game now it should be done roughly by the time you finish reading this, probably; maybe? <- That's not even an affiliate link; I'm not sponsored to say anything I'm saying here, I wish I was though.

Game Website Link -> Right here, if you need to make an account.

Now without further delay, let's get into my first key point of why Mabinogi is the best MMORPG on the market right now.

The first order of business in any MMORPG will also be the first thing we talk about here, creating a character. You can't step foot into a world of fantasy without having an avatar to represent yourself. If this individual is to be your fantasy self then the game better have enough customization options to really let you be you. Mabinogi has plenty, from skin color, player weight, and even age; to the colors of the garments you wear.

Let's start with that first bit I mentioned in the introductory paragraph, creating an identity. Mabinogi is a game that truly allows for a diverse cast of characters, when you first make a character the system will unfortunately be fairly limited. Yet when you're released into the game proper and complete the tutorial you will soon find that it's extremely open ended. Your character will start at an age between 10 and 17 (but can go to 25 and even further if you wish), which you'll be able to select once per day, or once per week depending on your level. Age has a very slight almost non-existent effect on your stats, but will mostly determine how tall you are. As a quick example, here is my human main at 18 (left) alongside 2 other players. While I cannot see their age, I can tell their race is human; which allows me to at least guess one is roughly 10 - 13 (middle) and the other is likely anywhere between 15 - 16 (right).

When it comes to skin color, Mabinogi is one of the few games that has a great selection. From the realistic to the fantastical; there's almost certainly something for everyone here.

I've seen light skinned characters, dark skinned characters, tanned and red skinned characters. I've partied up with fantasy demons and zombies. I buy my dyes from a player who's literally pure black with blinding white eyes; a small imp-like character who's style I absolutely adore and who's dyes are top quality. While it doesn't even begin to cover the extensive list, I thought I'd take a few screenshots to help show what I mean.

Now I understand a lot of you may feel like your character doesn't truly reflect you as a person unless you can be the right weight for you. Mabinogi has you covered here as well, albeit with a slightly convoluted system. I will openly admit that this game is flawed, it is by no means a perfect game; but I take this as a sort of "better than nothing" approach. Food in Mabinogi will grant slight stat bonuses, but underneath those stat points and flavor text there's a hidden mechanic.

Food provides players with Upper and Lower muscle gain or loss, as well as a Weight gain or loss. While food is not the only method of gaining or losing both weight and muscle, it is the most common, and arguably easiest method. Players have many guides on the internet that explain which foods to eat in which order to gain the body type you want, this even includes the wiki.

It's also important to note that weight does not effect your stats, the food you eat absolutely does give a small temporary bonus. However your character can be as fat or skinny as you'd like without ever effecting your ability to perform any task.

I would be remiss not to mention another feature of creating an identity, and it does feel like this is an appropriate place to do it. Every day, or every week (depending on your level) you can preform something called a Rebirth, your level will return to 1 and you will be allowed to change some things about your character or leave them as they are.

This will unfortunately readjust your weight settings, which is why we see so many guides on how to get the ideal weight you're looking for. Thankfully it is by no means difficult to achieve this weight gain once more and will take no more than a few minutes after rebirthing.

As a quick note I won't spend too much time on, for my fellow genderfluid and NB friends out there; you can actively change your gender whenever you rebirth (though obviously you don't have to be NB or Genderfluid to enjoy this feature) and there is a good amount of items specific for crossdressing if that is something you'd prefer. That list of items is far more than your generic maid outfit for men; including everything from dresses to common skirts, with women getting suits, hoodies, and everything in between. If you switch genders you will even get an achievement specifically titled "Genderfluid" which I genuinely appreciate quite a lot.

Speaking of clothing, Mabinogi allows you to use a Style Tab when putting on gear. Your style tab won't give you any stats, but allows you to use the look of whatever is equip to the selected slot over the actual gear worn under it. The Style Tab is free for all players, so you can look your best no matter what you might be doing. Though I suppose those clothes wouldn't really be your own unless you had some kind of say over how they looked right?

Thankfully Mabinogi features a robust dying system in which you can actually use hex coded colors on just about any part of an outfit. You can also preview these changes directly on your character prior to using a dye.

There's a specific, and short; list of items that can't be dyed. Otherwise it's common for every item in the game to have at least one or two dye slots where you can customize their colors however you'd like.

You can do the same for your weapons, even giving them skins to change how they look; and then dying those skins to look just how you want them. A good weapon should match your best outfit after all, right?

Clothing items additionally come in the form of helmets, gloves, boots, main body, robes/back slot, face accessories, and then two more accessories that typically float to either side or behind you. This means you can mix and match everything you wear. You're not stuck trying to make some minor hat fit the entire rest of your armor that came as one solid piece, and you're certainly not struggling to match colors when only a small part of your armor actually dyes to the color you want.

Your identity in Mabinogi is what you see fit to make it, and while it would make this segment incredibly long, more so than it already is; the customization doesn't even end here. To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, you can actually customize how often and how many times your character will blink. There is no other game on the market that lets you create a character the way Mabinogi does, not while still being an entire world outside of your character for you to explore. Speaking of that world, before we get to exploring just what this game has in store for you on your adventure; I'd like to talk about the characters who aren't you. No I don't mean the NPCs, I mean the other players, and how they impact the game you play even when they're not in your party.

Speaking of other players, to really hit home just how different everyone can look I ran around and took a few pictures of players I found in just this one small town.

You may be wondering how much these other players actually matter, in a lot of MMORPGs other players are merely there to fill out the party for dungeons or assist with world encounters. In Mabinogi they do that as well, however there is a constantly evolving economy both on the player ran Auction House, and for things like the Commerce system. Players can also run their own shops, join you for a jam session to play some music together; and even burn some items for a campfire spirit summoned at a group bonfire.

While the NPCs in this game are fantastic, the players are the lifeblood of the game, as is the case with any good MMORPG. From guilds and parties running content together, to the occasional camp you'll come across while exploring the world. Players populate Mabinogi and their effects are felt whether or not you're actively a part of their game.

One of the features most effected by this is Commerce; a trade system which lets players transport trade goods between major cities and towns. If an item is being traded to a town more than others, it's price will drop and you may find better deals by taking it to far away cities. Though you'll encounter bandits on the road, and due to carrying heavy trade goods you'll be a good bit weaker than you usually find yourself. This makes traveling in groups much easier, with those who use air travel particularly; in need of parties thanks to the dragons who will come after your hoard of trade goods. If a bandit is to steal your loot, you need not worry; as other players can take up the role of bounty hunters and track down these bandits at their hideouts to get your stuff back. Bounty Hunting is an easy way to make some cash and also help out your fellow players who may have been wronged by a poorly placed bandit or two.

What about production? Surely I don't need anyone to assist me with making my goods. Though, a second opinion never hurts; you will actually get a boost to production success rate while in a party with other players who also have production skills. In fact, this is a great way to make some strong gear; as products you make will get bonus stats over those found in stores. This does mean that the player economy is largely populated by products made by other players. If you do a good enough job on the item you're making, you'll even leave a signature behind which can be seen by the individuals who buy and use that gear. This is a minor touch, but it's one I greatly appreciate. Anyone can have a really cool demon sword, but only I have a blade forged specifically by my good friend; in hopes it would aid me in my quest. The connection between myself and my party is ever so slightly more apparent, even when they're not around; I always have a small piece of them with me.

Players attending the banquet, an event held weekly that awards free EXP and a lottery raffle at the Tara Castle; can actually donate their food to the catering tables. This is a great time to hang out with fellow players, get some free levels; and of course eat significantly too much food.

Surely that's all, right? Well no, believe it or not players actually have a hand in many things. If you want to enchant some gear but you don't have the enchanting rank to do it yourself; you can request another player to assist you. Perhaps you're an alchemist needing to create alchemy crystals of special magic skills; another player can cast that magic nearby and let you synthesize it into a crystal. If you're using the Jam Session action other players can join you with their own instruments when you play music; automatically matching whatever song you're playing. There's a fashion contest where the winner is put on display in full costume right in the middle of the major cities for all to see. There's even mechanical changes to things like magic, if you're casting Ice Bolt while I cast Fire Bolt next to you; we instead both gain a charge of Fusion Bolt. This form of magic combines the properties of your Ice Bolt and my Fire Bolt into a more powerful version of our respective magics, all because we happened to cast at the same time nearby each other.

If you enjoy music then you might find yourself reading through the Bard Bulletin Board, where players can post the compositions for their custom music. You can transcribe this music yourself and play it whenever you wish, though you can also use the MabiNovel Bulletin to read books written and published by your fellow players as well. This does in fact mean that you too could become a composer, or even an author and post your works to the respective boards.

Players can also obtain their own small piece of the world via Homesteads. These function as a sort of player owned housing system, and they allow you to do everything from growing farms to hosting your own production stations with boosted success rates. Of course the owner of the Homestead can allow either friends, or anyone; to come and gather from their herb patches, farm animals, and various logging, mining, and production sites. Meaning that other players not only offer you an expanded world to explore, but potentially gathering and production spots that may not otherwise be available at your current location.

While Homesteads start quite small, they're nothing to scoff at when fully upgraded; allowing for even a proper house, pets, and partners; to be placed on the fully customizable property. Some items will even passively grant you bonuses to your stats or provide your gathering and production stations bonuses to gathering and success rates.

Alright great, so you have a character who's uniquely you; you even have a place in the world among other players. However what good is that if you don't have a world worth existing in. You're here to play an MMORPG, if you wanted to simply dress up an avatar and exist in a space with others; you'd play something like VRChat or Second Life, or maybe you'd go download that Sims multiplayer mod. You want an RPG! An adventure! A living world to explore and be a part of!

Well Mabinogi's got you covered there as well believe it or not. Now where you fall in terms of enjoying the story is fairly up in the air; I know some people who love it and others who could take it or leave it. That's entirely fair and I don't blame them for feeling that way. To avoid potential spoilers I will be saying up front that if this has been enough for you and you're willing to trust me that this game is worth your time. Skip ahead to the Q and A if you think you need it, or go download and play the game now if you didn't already do that. Hell you can even add me in game if you want some people to play with who are going to be chill with newbies. If you need a bit more though, then keep reading because you might just like what I have to say about this game's journey.

When you start Mabinogi you'll be told you're this being from the stars, something that cannot die; and therefore has importance here. You may literally be an immortal entity, but you won't feel like it. You'll start with only a handful of skills, and with this game having no real class system it's not so straight forward how to get more of them. You'll stumble upon a few while just exploring the world, but others might require you to actually engage with the world around you. If that sounds exciting, don't worry; we've only just begun to explain the whole system of interacting with NPCs.

See the game of Mabinogi is before all else, the story of you; your character the journey you go on. So it's fitting that you keep notes in a Memo, this Memo is written in the perspective of your character; and will keep tabs on what you've been through. Each entry in the Memo is given a Key Word; and these key words will be given to you as you experience new places and things. Whenever you engage with an NPC you can start a conversation, this allows you to flip through your Memo and select a Key Word to speak about with them. Asking them about their private story will reveal this character's lore and backstory, at least; if they like you enough to share that information with you. NPCs do actually contain a system of trust with the player, and if you befriend an NPC they'll even let you access a secret shop where they sell exclusive items. Other Key Words include things like Nearby Rumors where you can obtain gossip and quests; or perhaps you want to ask about Part Time Jobs. Whether you're working for the town blacksmith to deliver some refined ore, or you're gathering wool to make bandages for the town healer; Part Time Jobs offer you fitting rewards for the work you perform, and allow you to even unlock various skills down the line if you perform well enough. Which brings us to another Key Word, the Skills Key Word. Skills is a Key Word that will ask an NPC if they believe they could teach you anything, if you see a knight you can ask them about Skills and maybe learn a new technique for your swordsmanship. Asking a chef about skills may result in them giving you a quest that has you running out to make flour and bake some bread. These methods are meant to immerse you in the world and teach you how the mechanics behind these skills works, rather than just saying you're level 16 so now you can bake bread.

Some NPCs will even react to your title, thanking you for the deeds you've done or perhaps judging you for why you'd do such a thing. This is because every NPC in the game, no matter how minor; has a story to tell. They all have unique theme music that contains a name referencing something about the character and their story. The more you talk to these NPCs and they open up to you, the more you'll learn about the world you're a part of.

However, small NPC stories don't amount to much in the grand scheme of an epic adventure do they? Well don't worry, now we're getting into the main scenario quests, and the lasting impact they have on you as a character. Have you ever felt like you should have maybe gotten a new power, or been recognized for the deeds you've accomplished after you literally save the world; only to return to business as usual? Well Mabinogi actually considered all of that, not only do you get a title that NPCs might react to, as I mentioned previously; but the Main Scenario Questline actually gives you everything from transformations to special unique items. This is again the last chance to not have spoilers as I will be covering at the very least Generation 2: Paladin and Generation 10: Goddess of Light through Generation 12: Return of the Hero.

Okay now that everyone who doesn't want spoilers is gone, allow me to tell you about just a few of these MSQ rewards; of course jumping right to the good stuff without context makes it meaningless. So let's start with a quick summary of Generation 1 that's roughly spoiler free.

Generation 1: Advent of the Goddess starts with The Goddess asking you for help, then you save her. See I kept it spoiler free! You're given the title "[Player name] Who Saved The Goddess" for doing this which grants you some nice stats, but the real reward is that you get to move on to Generation 2: Paladin. Well wow, that's kind of an underwhelming title isn't it? You just finished Advent of the Goddess and now you're on... Paladin? Huh okay, well this quest line is all about a Paladin of legend. You spend the generation becoming someone worthy of the Paladin's armor, searching for his old armor, and even reliving some old memories of his. All to figure out who he is and solve the grand mystery that sparked this whole generation in the first place. The political drama of a potentially puppeteered prince who may actually be dead from the start... Okay yea listen it's more interesting when you actually play it. The real plot twist of this whole generation however is when you figure out who that old Paladin actually is, and more importantly that they're still alive. In the final dungeon of this generation when you face off against the final encounter he is not the one who saves the day. Rather it is you who gets to don the armor of the legendary Paladin and in a moment I love, you get to save him. This transformation is actually a fairly minor stat boost at first. You're not some overpowered god, you're still you; just powered up. When you complete the generation you will find yourself with a wholly new power available to you, the power to become that very same Paladin; now with it's own skills to rank to make it even stronger than it already was.

Yes, just for clearing Generation 2 you now have an entirely new power unlocked for you. The power to, once a day in game time; transform into your Paladin form. If you're an Elf you transform instead into a Falcon, and Giants transform into a Beast. These new forms come with their own unique skills and properties. However you don't lose access to the skills and abilities you already have. This will be a running theme throughout Mabinogi, you only get more; you don't get locked out from being you. If the Paladin aesthetic isn't your deal, and you want things a little different, don't worry; Generation 3: Dark Knight might be more your style. However, this begs the question; are Dark Knights and Paladins the same thing flavored differently? Nope. Sure they are both the same Transformation at the end of the day, but their inner workings are very different. To give you a quick example of what I mean, Paladins always get the same stats every time, but they have no specialized skill they can use while transform. They're essentially your generic stronger form, with buffed stats and nothing more, dull but reliable. Dark Knights instead roll for their stats every time they transform, meaning sometimes you're going to have much stronger physical defense, and other times a much higher magic damage stat. If you're interested in the specifics, here you go:

Dark Knights also don't get forcibly removed from their transformation when their timer is up, rather they go into a state called "Disarmed" where they will take heavy damage over time, but this can be healed if they wish to power through it and keep fighting in their transformed state. They additionally obtain Control of Darkness which lets them tame an enemy to fight for them for a short time.

The Generation 2 transforms (Paladin, Dark Knight, Falcon, and Beast) all have 4 tiers of their transformation, dependent on the skills rank. Each boasting it's own unique title and appearance that builds on their central aesthetic and motif. This means a player who's max ranked Paladin will transform into a Champion, or for Dark Knights, they'll become an Infra Black. I do enjoy the morals of the game being muddier than to just say Paladin is bright and shiny and good, and Dark Knight is well, dark and edgy and bad. As you go through the game you'll learn a lot about the politics of the gods, and understand their moral values a lot better. Which leads us to our next major upgrade.

In Generation 10: Goddess of Light, we take the fight to the gods, and between Generation 10 and Generation 12, we'll even obtain the Sword of the Gods, a then usable sword weapon which ironically may not even be as powerful as some of our own gear by the time we get it; but more specifically we'll decline godhood and become a Demigod. However it's a bit deeper than that, as you'll find that at the end of Generation 10 you're confronted by your doppelganger. Upon defeating it, you gain the power to assume the form of a Demigod; which yes, you can in fact transform into while also transformed into your Generation 2 state. Not only does this form regen your HP, MP, and Stamina; but it additionally allows the use of special skills that depend on which of the gods you're allied with. Those who are being supported by the Goddess Neamhain will obtain skills such as Spear of Light, and Fury of Light; however if you decide to be supported by the Goddess Morrighan you instead obtain Wings of Eclipse, and Wings of Rage. Of course you won't have a choice right away, when you first obtain the ability to become a Demigod, you'll be defaulted to working with Naemhain's skills. They're not bad, but Morrighan isn't going to just give you her skills so easily so if we want options we'll need to get her to work with us. Once we clear Generation 11: Sword of the Gods; we in fact obtain the Sword of the Gods itself. This is important since we'll need it if we're going to fight the gods. Now in Generation 12 we are asked to fight alongside Morrighan to bring down the King of the Gods, Nuadha. For clearing this generation, you'll obtain the right to be supported by Morrighan; which is kind of funny since if you're a Dark Knight it shows you've actually betrayed her by giving up the path of the Paladin in favor of following Dark Knight. I guess she can overlook that given you just helped her defeat the King of the Gods.

Surely the upgrades stop there right? Well no, actually; but you probably knew that already. See there's actually currently, up to G25, with G26 on an active countdown to release as I make this post. With even more transformations, special skills, and some really incredible upgrades that change even the way we engage with crafting; the generation quests are more than worth your time and leave you feeling more powerful with each completion.

Mabinogi isn't just having you go through these quests to complete the story, it's also actively making you more and more the proper image of this immortal hero of legend. It's giving you a power boost on par with some silly shonen anime. As much as you may cringe to hear me make a stupid joke from the early internet; yes the Milletian could beat Goku. Sorry I had to make the dumb joke after making the shonen anime reference you know? These powers aren't ever restricted from you either; it's not as if you suddenly can't use your Paladin transformation in a dungeon, nor are you locked out from using Demigod to regen some stamina just to pick some flowers. Mabinogi is the story of your character, and it gives you so many upgrades and power scale boosts because it genuinely wants you to feel like a powerful hero going up against powerful enemies.

Now I will admit there's something to be said about the balance in some of the later Generation quests, especially because you can skip over a lot of them. They absolutely do plan for you to have the full arsenal of Generation specific skills by the time you reach Generation 20+ but dare I say, I think that's fair. We actually see this in other games too, it's just more allowed from other games because they do a better job of hiding their barrier to entry.

What I mean is that FFXIV is like Dark Souls 3, it's not going to let me go somewhere I'm not actually ready for, because it knows I won't have any fun getting my ass kicked but it's really linear. While Mabinogi is like Elden Ring, it looks at me saying "I'm ready I'm ready put me in coach!" While facing down against an actual god well before I'm... you know, actually ready. Yet it just says "go get 'em champ!" Only to watch me become a pancake two seconds later and think "yea this balance is garbage." Truth is, if I go back and do the content I'm suppose to do first; I will be more than ready for this content when I reach it. However I might actually be able to clear this content when I'm not supposed to yet, and Mabinogi; much like Elden Ring, lets me try. We see this same type of barrier to entry in how FFXIV says "hey man you can't run this until you're Item Level 280 sorry." That feels boring when you just want to run the thing, you don't want to go back and "grind" for item levels, but in reality it's just stopping you from trying and failing repeatedly. Which makes sense for the type of game FFXIV is, where other players are a requirement, and you don't want to hold them back because you thought you could do it with less.

The other truth is, with Mabinogi; not every path to success is going to look the same. I might spend my time training my combat skills, slowly saving up the small stat gains to get to where my base strength is at 500 and I can deal some nice damage. My friend who doesn't want to touch combat skills can absolutely focus on his cooking, slowly but surely becoming a master chef as I've become a master warrior. Now he can make a catering dish that boosts his strength to 500 all the same. We're not going to be dealing the same damage since things like weapon type, and skill ranks will come into play; but this does mean he could achieve the same goals as me in a totally different way. Personally I'm a huge fan of this, it lets every single character feel unique; you can truly become your own kind of player here.

Whether it's weaving your magic skills into your archery gameplay, or becoming an apothecary bard who uses musical buffs and potions to level the playing field. Perhaps you want to train your Ninja and Chain Blade skills to keep you at a distance, debuff enemies, and set explosive traps. You could even just play the game with life skills, relaxing by the pond as a master fisher; before tailoring a new outfit. All of these methods are entirely valid ways to play the game, they all give the necessary stats to enjoy whatever content you wish to, and yes they all give you levels.

It is for these reasons, and honestly; many others. That I have played this game since it's beta, for literally half my lifetime; and why I believe this is genuinely hands down the best MMORPG on the market right now. I urge you to give this game even 15 or 30 minutes of your time, don't get caught up on the old dated graphics, don't fret if you don't understand everything right away. The game is complex, it has a ton of mechanics that mix and intertwine to create a unique experience. The things you might find troublesome at first are exactly what makes the game so fun and unique when you understand them. Given the average internet speed and size of Mabinogi, should you have downloaded this game at the start of this reading it should be about done by now. If not, you've got the Q and A down there for any potential follow up questions you may have. So go ahead and jump into the world of Erinn, if you stop by Dunbarton on Channel 9 you might catch someone from the Landsbetween guild, feel free to stop and say hi; we're a friendly bunch.

A quick Q&A for things I've been asked frequently and might answer some questions or possible concerns you have about the game.

Q: I see a weird banner with P on it, does that mean I require a premium account to use that skin/hair color? A: No. That symbol signifies that it would cost Pon. A cash shop currency that is given to the player fairly regularly. You in fact get a gift box with about 20 Pon when you reach an early level milestone such as 50 or 100. It costs anywhere between 3 - 5 to change eye, hair, and skin color. Of course it only costs you to change to a color that uses the P banner, if a color you would like doesn't have any symbol (either a P for Pon or a B for a Beauty Coupon) then it's completely free. Q: I see a lot of cool characters, how much of a grind is it; or do I need to pay real money to customize my character? A: You can play Mabinogi entirely free to play, gacha boxes do contain high end loot and good in-game items. However the Auction House easily allows you to buy these items from players using entirely free to play gold when a new gacha comes out. While it might seem intimidating to make 1m at first. You'll quickly learn you can make 1m passively per week + any actual activity you do in this game earns you quite a lot. A single run of a dungeon will net me between 50k - 350k depending on drops and my actual in game luck stat. This is on top of the 160k I can make for free just logging in and doing Fynni Blossoming for the day. Of course, the higher your skills and total level; the easier it will be to make money. Q: I don't want to do a specific part of this game, can I still enjoy the other features? A: Yes. Entirely, in fact; I'm doing a challenge run on a character who's not allowed to rank up any combat or damage skills. I've already completed the first major questline of the game without any problem. I will say that your ability to play the game will directly reflect how much knowledge of the mechanics you have. This isn't to say you should scour the wiki for days on end, unless you're into that. However I would argue that having a few friends to play with, or perhaps actually taking the time to read through skills and practice with what you do enjoy doing; will help you to get by not doing the stuff you don't want to. You really can play this game however you want, it just may require you to have a better understanding of it's inner workings. You're always welcome to ask me about stuff whether that's here on tumblr or in game.

Q: My UI and HUD are this weird plastic blue color and I kinda hate it. Can I fix that or am I stuck with this? A: In the settings menu the game allows you to change the color of the UI and HUD to fit your liking. You can also enable various hotbars and disable others. Additionally you can change the game's resolution, and even pick out which version of the OST you'd like to use of which there are three distinct versions.

Q: Does this game have a meta I should worry about?

A: Yes and no, yes it has a meta; no you shouldn't worry about it. If you're really concerned I recommend picking Giant as your race and Close Combat as your starting Talent. I didn't go over Talents in this essay but they're sort of specializations, not classes. They don't limit anything you can do, but rather give you 2x EXP towards the skills they govern. Giants have a fair bit more strength and HP, they're your standard tanky race. While they may not be as fast on their feet as nimble Elves; they can take a good few more blows, and even have racial skills specific to gathering up enemies. Close Combat doubles down on what Giants are already good at, giving you more HP and Strength. Start out by ranking your essential basics, those being Defense, Smash, Counter, Windmill, and honestly throw Assault Slash in for good measure; since you'll want to often combo these skills together. DO NOT SLEEP ON DEFENSE, it is a heavily overlooked but extremely powerful skill. If you feel like you're struggling in combat, grab a shield and rank your shield mastery; even light armor mastery will be more than enough so long as you have a decent shield and the necessary ranks in the skills. You'll soon feel like a steel wall of defense that not even major storyline bosses can put a dent into.

Q: What are the differences between Elves, Humans, and Giants? Can I change my race after I make my character, since I can change my gender?

A: First off, no; sadly you cannot change your race after making a character. This is become of the racial differences. The major ones are as follows...

Elves can use invisibility to hide themselves, they'll fire 2 arrows as opposed to 1 when using archery; and they obtain a unique poison arrow that spreads to nearby targets when fired. They move faster than other races and have stats better geared towards Magic and Archery; though that won't matter too much. They become a Falcon after Generation 2 letting them use Elven Magic Missile, and cannot use 2 handed weapons nor can they dual wield.

Giants can use stomp which is a fairly week AoE ability, they also get Taunt, Stampede, and Wind Guard as unique skills. They can use two handed weapons in one hand letting them use a shield with them, and can dual wield blunt objects. They have stats geared towards a close combat play style, though again that won't matter too much later on. They become a Beast after Generation 2 letting them use Giant Full Swing, they cannot use bows but have thrown spears instead.

Humans cannot learn the specific racial skills of the other two races. They can dual wield swords; and don't have equipment restrictions outside of not being able to dual wield blunt objects and not being able to use the throwing spears. They have stats geared to an all around play style, which as you know; doesn't really matter much. They become a Paladin after Generation 2, or they can become a Dark Knight which gives them the active skill Control of Darkness which lets them tame an enemy to fight for them.

Q: Is this game Pay to Win?

A: Is any MMORPG not Pay to Win? Alright, real answer; let's break it down. Does Mabinogi have Pay to Win properties? Absolutely it does. Most if not all MMORPGs do. FFXIV has the paid level boosts just like Mabinogi has paid gacha boxes with end game loot. I'm not trying to pick on FFXIV here, it's just what I'm familiar with because I also play it. Truth is, Mabinogi gives you a lot of gold for just doing content, whether you're a crafter who can sell your wares for millions, just doing daily Fynni gems for 1m a week per character, or combat focused and running your Lord missions with boosts for a few million in a couple hours. So while I'd argue that it absolutely is pay to win, not only do you not need those minor boosts from the gear until long into the later generations; you also will have the money to buy it off players long before you actually need it. That's if you need it at all, since you can easily get ahead in this game by just engaging with the many skills and mechanics. If I had to give this a simple yes or no, the answer is yes; but I really don't think it's nearly as bad in Mabinogi as it is in other games. Especially considering how small the PvP scene in this game is. You don't need to pay to win when someone else in your party absolutely did, or maybe you just pay in gold to win. However I'd argue that it's pay to win FASTER than others. Just take it slow and enjoy the journey. Every game is pay to win, Mabinogi handles it better than most.

Q: Is there any reason for me to not like this game?

A: Yea the devs haven't hired me to write articles like this for their marketing. Boycott worthy honestly; they should pay me for this, or at least make me a soul streamer, you know? (┬┬﹏┬┬) ^ This last one is a joke, you know; in case reading comprehension.

[lowkeyrobin]

hi pookie can I get an mcyt with reader that bakes?? Like they'll just come in on stream and give mcyts a fucking platter of baked goods lol

-🎀 anon

oooo yes omg!! thank you 🎀 anon! <3 got the whole gang in here for this one LOL

MCYT ; "in my baker era"

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, quackity, foolish gamers, slimecicle, & cellbit

warnings ; language, mentions of drugs

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

"Hi y/n- oh, thank you, darling!'

literally has the widest smile on his face

shows off the goods to the stream

"do these have any drugs in them? me n charlie are trying to sell drugs, y/n. we need more stock"

you hear charlie screaming through tommys headphones, "we need the grain, y/n! we need THE GRAIN"

bro is munching away on those cookies holy shit

he feeds chat as well dw

RANBOO

"Hey babe! Oh, thank you!"

does a whole 360 of the plate for chat 💀💀💀💀

"Oh my God, these are so fucking good"

"guys, y/ns in their baking era. can you write an album about that? please become Taylor swift for us"

"BAHHAHAHAH"

literally takes a picture as per usual and posts it to Twitter LMAO

he gets some fans to send you recipes you should try for a serious baking stream LMAO

BADLINU

"Hey love- oh, hi!"

all smiles and shit, he swears you have a sixth sense to know when people are hungry

"guys, y/n made me some bisexuality cake!" He giggles, showing off the tri-colored cake on the plate

he was making a video with harry, tubbo & tommy so everyone had their facecams on

it was like a three tier cake you made and cut out a slice for him

the inside was just the bi flag and the outside was plain white with some fun icing piper testing

he tries it and it's SO MOIST AND SOFT IT IS PERFECT.

there's just 5 raw minutes of him telling you how amazing this fucking cake is LMAO

QUACKITY

"Hey, I'm streaming ba- ohmyfuckinggodthankyou!!"

does a 360 of the plate for the camera

"Holy shit these look so fucking good, thank you so much, y/n"

he's literally just streaming on the qsmp with roeir and fit and he like games and eats the damn cookies at the same time LMFAO

"Dude I feel like I'm high, these are so good, what's in this shit?"

"cocaine"

"WHAT!? DID YOU JUST DRUG ME? GUYS, MY PARTNER DRUGGED ME, HELP"

you're just playing into the bit dw

best red velvet cookies he's ever eaten

CELLBIT

"Hey darling, what's up?"

you hand him the little strawberry shortcake and he just looks at you like 😍😍

turns to his stream and shoves the plate up to the camera all happy like "Oh my God look what they made for me!"

he eats the entirety of it on stream and asks you a bunch of questions

like how you made it, where you found the recipe, etc

he shares it with you too 💔🫶

NIHACHU

"Hi honey! Ooo, what's this called?"

"Chocolate mousse. it's a little thick because it's my first time making it but let me know if it's good"

she holds that little glass like it's her child

she tries it with a tiny spoon you gave her and she's like "oh my God this is amazing, y/n/n"

shows it off to the friends she's streaming with too

"send them more recipes guys, I wanna be spoiled with sweets!"

"thank you nikis viewers!! love you all"

FOOLISH GAMERS

when I tell you this man's face LIGHTS UP.

"you made me fudge? oh my God! I love you"

literally spends the next 15 minutes talking to you and gobbling the fudge down

"since when do you make fudge??"

"since I wanted to try" you shrug

"you should totally make some more... when you're not busy and if you want to!"

"Thank you y/n! everyone say thank you!"

SLIMECICLE

"Oh, hi y/n! thank you so much"

does a 360 for stream

"when did you find time to make this? I thought you were at work????"

"special treat" you shrug

you watch him run across the qsmp and go to ems bakery to sit inside and eat it 😭

he keeps you on stream for a while cause chat loves you n stuff 🫶🫶

[gumilac]

HQ BOYS GASLIGHTING YOU

a/n: came up with this idea on a whim... im sorry •_• yeah, i know i know hand me your therapy bill (is it inspired by taylor? yes, yes it is. that scene just made me wanna 👊🤡) oh, also first time writing for oikawa hopefully i did him justice :p

genre: angst, hurt/no comfort

warnings: set in manga timeskip, not proofread (legit just wrote it down and posted it immediately after MDMSM)

characters: kuroo tetsuro, tsukishima kei, oikawa toruu

kuroo tetsuro

▪︎ first of all, this guy's smart and a little cocky let's admit it so, it wouldn't be a surprise if he gaslights you

▪︎what's even worse is he KNOWS what he's doing, and he KNOWS he's wrong (i guess being the head of the JVA kinda got to him)

he frustratingly rubs on his temples as he watches you pace around his office of your shared apartment.

"i just don't get it, tetsuro," you turn to face him, eyes now filled with tears threatening to fall. "you didn't introduce me as your partner tonight during the party, all you said was that i was a close friend!!"

turning your back on him, kuroo rolls his eyes at you. "i don't know what you're talking about."

he does.

"i think it was pretty obvious that you were my partner tonight," he pauses, voice sounding so pissed off. "especially with how you latched on to me the whole time."

he prolongs the word "whole" giving emphasis to it making you turn around to face him again. "that's because i didn't know anyone!! you expect me to mingle with people i don't know? you know how hard that is for me!!"

kuroo rubs his face with both his hands, dropping the pen he was holding rather harshly. you glare at him, tears now streaming down your face.

"and, one more thing," he looks up and gives you a look mixed with disinterest and tiredness. "it was not obvious that i was your partner, people assumed Ayaka-san was your wife!!"

"so now you're accusing me of cheating?" he shoots a glare at you, slowly standing up.

covering your face and clenching your fists, you scream at him feeling so frustrated. "I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF CHEATING!! THAT ISN'T WHAT I SAID AT ALL!!"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT, NO?" he puts a hand on his waist looking away from you. "i can't believe you don't trust me, and instantly accused me of cheating."

"you're making me feel like i'm an idiot, kuroo!!! you know that's not what i said at all!" walking towards him, you slam your hand on his table making him glare at you.

"kuroo, you introduced me as a close friend and i'm just saying people assumed Ayaka-san was your wife!! i'm not accusing you of cheating, what the fuck!!"

"oh my god, i didn't have to introduce you as my partner with the way you latched on to me the whole fucking time!!!"

falling to your knees you sobbed hard, feeling so frustrated with your husband at the moment. he looks at you pathetically and rolls his eyes. he walks around the table before grabbing his coat.

"fix yourself," he stops just as he was about to step out of the room. "i can't stand being in the same room as you. jesus fucking christ, accusing me of something i never did."

with that he walks out, slamming your apartment door.

tsukishima kei

▪︎ another snarky jerk and he's really prideful

▪︎ he's already sarcastic and mean normally but he exploits that when he gaslights you bc he can't be wrong

"you're overreacting," he deadpans making you shake your fist in frustration.

"i'm not kei!! i have every right to feel this way, especially when i saw you at a cafe when you told me that you're at home! you lied to me!"

"exactly!!! i'm just at a cafe what's so wrong with that?!"

"you were with a girl!!" you scream at him. "and, before you say it's yachi, it's not!! she's in fucking korea right now for a vacation!!"

closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, "you told me you were at home."

"i never said that, idiot."

your face turns into confusion and anger as your furrow your brows at him. he really knows how to make you doubt yourself. slowly walking towards him, you point at kei.

"you fucking said that you were home when i called you."

he scoffs and rubs his temples, "holy shit, i said i was at a cafe, you're being an idiot right now."

"don't fuck with me, kei!!! you said you were at home!!"

"i don't know what you're talking about!! pretty sure i said i was at a cafe!"

"you never did!" you scream at him, throwing the towel you were holding. "you never told me that!! you're driving me crazy, kei!"

"well, if you're so sure that i said i was at home then why are you going on a hysteria?? you're the one driving me crazy here!"

he made you unable to look at him and stand in the same room. glaring at him, you walk past him and made your way to the genkan grabbing your shoes. he rolls his eyes and calls your name.

"don't go, hey," he says voice flat but you didn't listen, slamming the door and leaving him in the apartment.

oikawa toruu

▪︎ he's cocky too no doubt, especially since he's famous and he has fangirls

▪︎ yeah, so he basically uses your insecurities to gaslight you bc he knows he has pretty fans

"you were flirting with her," you explain calmly. oikawa drys his hair with the towel and stops when he sees you in front of him, arms crossed.

"jesus christ, give me a break," he says pissed off, making his way to your shared bedroom and you followed him. "i come back from a hard game and i get scolded, for what?"

he brings up his fingers to do air quotation marks, "flirting." he sits on the bed and throws the towel on the floor. you glare at him and he rolls his eyes at you, taking a deep breath he starts.

"babe, i already told you i was just talking to her. besides, she's just a fan"

you scoff, "yeah, right. talking to her while she touched you everywhere. totally not flirting." you mimicked his action of putting up air quotation marks and he leans his head back.

"you barely even let me hold you in public because, and i quote, you're famous."

he whips his head back to look at you, confusion written on his face, "i never said that!! what do you mean?"

your eyes widen at his audacity and making you clench your fists. "you said that when you came back from argentina!"

"since when did i ever?" he laughs, brows furrowed and arms now open wide.

"when i fetched you from the airport? when we came home and laid on the bed?! you told me that!! and i respected that because you didn't want paparazzis to make you feel uncomfortable and i understood that!!"

"you're joking, i would never say such thing."

you scoffed and walked over to grab his towel, his eyes follow you like a hawk and he rubs his face.

"you told me that toruu, and i'm fucking mad that you're denying it." you turn to look at him, pointing the towel towards him. "what's worse is that i'm not allowed to touch you in public, while your fans can... unbelievable."

"first, i never said anything like that," he uses his arms for emphasis, waving it around the room. "and second, you don't hold me in public because you're uncomfortable with the paparazzis, not me!! you don't want them taking pictures of you, and going viral."

"excuse me?" you glare at him and he lays on the bed, getting his phone out.

"you know i'm right, you don't like taking photos because..." he shrugs and looks at you up and down. "you know? i can't even post pictures online because of it. my fans don't even mind posting pictures with me, but you? holy shit it takes me some bargaining for me to post it, sometimes it doesn't even work."

"you're unbelievable, oikawa. i hate you." throwing the towel at him he flinches and looks at you surprised. he sees you walking out and he sits up calling your name.

"hey, c'mon don't leave. you know i'm right! it's not my fault my fans aren't camera shy."

"shut the fuck up, oikawa. i can't stand you anymore."

he scoffs and shakes his head when he hears the apartment door close, but he just returns to what he was doing earlier.

[sleepysloth99]

A/N: Heyo everyone uhh basically my mental state got me fucked up so why don't we make headcanons for numerous Sweet Home characters. 2 parts. Part 1 is a simple them comforting you during an anxiety attack and part 2 is them reacting to you telling them that you're a burnout gifted kid (yes OP needs some fucking help😂).

Characters: Hyuk, Netflix Wook, Hyun, Jisu, Yuri

I suppose content warning? Anxiety is mentioned after all.

Part 1: Them comforting you during an anxiety attack.

Hyuk:

•Guy is clueless as fuck lol.

•He'd try to make things better but he actually kinda made it worse.

•He feels terrible since he feels so useless in this situation. He's not exactly great with people.

•Eventually he gathers himself and gives you a blanket and makes tea.

•Puts on your favorite anime or show in general.

•He apologizes for being so crappy with all this.

•You have a favorite stuffed toy? He'll get it for you.

•Lots of cuddles. If you want he can play a video game and you can watch him.

•He's trying his best :)

•This is only the first time though.

•Around the third to fourth time this happens he'll actually know what he's doing.

•Ask what's wrong and won't panic. He'd be a lot more calm and would definitely be less hesitant to hold you.

•Again just bear with him.

Netflix Wook

•Thought Hyuk was bad? Wook's even worse.

•He doesn't know what to say so he just pats your shoulder.

•Lots of headpats.

•Right after you calm down he searches up about anxiety attacks and what to do if someone is having one.

•He'll also search up what to say to a partner during an anxiety attack.

•The only reason he kept his mouth shut the first time was because he was scared he'd upset you more.

•Want him to cuddle you and hush you? He'll do just that.

•Want him to hold him because you find holding things more comforting then being held? He's already laying down.

•Whatever makes you calm down he will do just that.

•He also buys snacks for you.

•Overall one of those "Quiet Supporter" types. He doesn't really say anything because mind you he isn't exactly great with his words so using gifts and physical affection he will try to calm you down.

•One muscular teddy bear lmao.

Jisu

•Unlike Hyuk and Wook, Jisu is a lot better at handling emotions for the most part.

•She'll immediately ask what's wrong and hold you.

•She'll just listen, and give her input when she feels the time is appropriate.

•She'll order out food and watch a show with you.

•Hell for you? She'd illegally stream a movie lmao.

•Lots of soft blankets.

•If you want, she can sing for you or play the guitar.

•She keeps her composure despite secretly being freaked out since she's never dealt with someone having an anxiety attack.

•She has a bat so if you wanna go out and smash shit up she'll come with you.

•Wanna scream all your worries? She already has her bass set up.

•She'd paint your nails if you want.

•She'll let you lay in her lap (Imagine laying in Jisu's lap☺️)

•Gives headpats.

•Gives scalp massages.

•Just like Wook, provides snacks.

•Would go all the way and buy a fucking pet for you.

Yuri

•See what's so special about Yuri is that she's worked as a caregiver for years, albeit with elders.

•So believe me she's seen a LOT.

•What I'm trying to say is out of everyone here, she's the best when treating you during an anxiety attack.

•She asks what's wrong.

•She never yells by any means.

•She kinda whispers but not really.

•Very calming, uses lots of lavender and chamomile based products.

•Already making some tea (or some drink you like).

•She'll run a shower for you.

•She uses aromatherapy based products in said shower.

•She would run a bath for you but that wastes water and she doesn't want you to sit in your own filth.

•Uses aromatherapy lotion on you.

•She will do some skincare for you.

•Spoils you with cuddles and snacks.

•Tries to ask further questions like "How long have you felt like this? Is there any other problems?"

•She won't push you though.

•Sleeping on her lap with fluffy blankets and forehead kisses. (Bro imagine sleeping on the goddess's lap???😳😳😳)

•Surprisingly very sweet.

Hyun

•Bro not gonna lie he really wouldn't know what to do.

•He's broken as is so if he says anything that comes off as insensitive he doesn't mean it, he's trying his best.

•Another Quiet Supporter.

•Will give you a hug.

•Will let you sleep on him.

•He might start crying too. He feels so powerless in such a situation. Seeing his significant other panicking and not knowing what to do or say.

•He'll try and ask what's wrong but being in a similar position, he knows how annoying it can be when someone asks what's wrong.

•He's distant but close at the same time if that makes any sense.

•He'll read a book to you if you want.

•He'll try and whisper sweet nothings but again this is pretty foreign for him

•He'll get take-out for you and put on some anime.

•He'll even watch an anime he really hates as long as it makes you feel better.

•By the next day he'll pretend nothing happened but just expect a stuffed animal packaged up at your door. Who sent it? I dunno. (Not him that's for sure nope nope totally not him.)

Them reacting to you saying you're a burnout gifted kid.

Hyuk

•He kinda relates.

•He will always be there to let you know you're doing great.

•He will always be there to support.

•When he sees your homework scores lowering and grades crashing he'll be there to help you somehow.

•He actually does your homework while you sleep. By the time you wake up you have no clue because he made copies of it but he actually used your account to submit the work. Man the shit he does for you.

•One of the school staff actually almost caught him saying "You're not acting like your usual self. You never get such good score in math."

•Thankfully he looked at how you talk online especially to teachers and managed to kinda copy how you talk online.

•He still thinks you should talk to someone about this. You know someone professional.

•Again though he'll always be there for you.

Wook

•He wouldn't know what to tell you.

•"Yeah... that does suck."

•He'll support you and try to get you mental help for it but... yeah.

•He can't really relate to the whole burnout thing so he's very distant here.

•Course that doesn't mean he won't try and help you.

•Again he wants you to get mental help especially since he isn't the best with words.

•Really he's clueless. He'll try his best but honestly even Wook thinks he's the worst person for this.

Jisu

•She also can't really relate since she was always just the band kid scraping by back in school.

•She's still very empathetic.

•She'll try her absolute best to help you with the long term damage that is gifted child burnout.

•She will make sure you don't go abusing substances. So no you cannot have any of her cigarettes. She will literally throw them all away.

•She'll write songs to motivate you.

•She'll make sure you never give up on something just because you didn't get it right the first time.

•Seriously this woman loves you, she'll do anything to motivate you and make you happy.

Yuri

•Now Yuri can semi-relate. Being trained to take care of the elderly did do a number on her so she knows burnout when she sees it.

•She will literally smack your hand if you try and overwork yourself.

•"Don't. I'll do it."

•She really wants to do everything for you because she hates seeing you all burnt out.

•She's stubborn as hell so it's gonna take a lot to convince her to let you actually do your work.

•Seriously somebody come get her she's starting to burnout herself.

Hyun

•Lmao Hyun can relate 100%

•He IS a burnout gifted kid.

•So yeah he is actually the worst person to go to for this issue since he's having the same problem.

•However! That doesn't make him all bad.

•You can be burnout gifted kids together!

•Whether it's cuddling while comparing your current selves to your past selves or playing video games together to feel a false sense of achievement, you guys are doing this together.

•Is it the best and most healthy way to deal with this problem? No!

•Is it still a pretty great thing to have your boyfriend by your side and sharing all of your pain every step of the way? Hell yeah!

•In all seriousness, you two try to support each other.

•Lean on each other when the burnout gets unbearable. He'll offer a shoulder to cry on and you'll reciprocate (at least I hope you do.)

•You both try to get mental help or at the very least join one of those support servers on Discord.

•You guys often lie in bed late at night talking about how you both feel like failures. To which Hyun says "We can be failures together." In an attempt to make you feel better.

•It actually... kinda helped.

°

°

°

And with that being said, today's headcanons are done! If you want you can drop some requests, although I don't do any NSFW requests. But yeah that's it. I'm pooped, bye!💝

[stray-kids-react]

Polaroid

Han x Fem. Reader Soulmate au

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of sex, and Fluff that'll make you cry.

Masterlist

...

Y/n's pov, November 27 2020

My mother once told me that I will know when I'm in love, she never specified what hints will cross my path... She just said I'll know.

As a young adult now, sharing an apartment with my close friend Yeji. I'm starting to become impatient with this whole game of love, why can't I just get told who is my perfect match. I'm so tired of having my hopes risen up and then crashed down onto my heart... Breaking it each time.

"Any plans today?" Yeji asked from the kitchen, making me cringe at the word plans.

I just was still recovering from a terrible break up, where I caught the supposedly love of my life slurping the life out of his assistants pussy. I won't forget the feeling of my heart completely stopping for a few seconds, as my mind told me to run and not look back.

"Yes actually, I have a date with Netflix and the leftovers in the fridge." I replied, slyly smirking as she stared at me like a worried mother.

"Well Netflix isn't going to have to wait for his turn. Because I have this guy who is really interested you and is a total sweetheart." She sighed, showing me a photo of the guy she was trying to set me up with.

"Yeah... No." I replied, beginning to retreat back to my room.

"Y/n! JISUNG TOLD ME!" Yeji announced, catching my attention from the front of my bedroom door.

"I-it's still a no Yeji." I whimpered, shutting the door harshly behind me as she sighed in defeat.

Yeji's pov

She needs to get out of this place, it's been two weeks now. All over a guy she barely even knew, I know the true reason she is hiding and she will never admit it.

Y/n is scared to see his face again, our best friend Han Jisung. The best friend that she happened to fall in love with, and moved away from after she got accepted into the university of her dreams.

They were never just best friends in anyone's eyes, not even there own. Yet they both tried to fill in the whole in their heart with other people, never realizing that all they had to do was just say three difficult words.

Y/n was in a hurry to find her perfect partner after I found mine, the man next door with the matching tattoo on his wrist. Your tattoo shows up when you are over the age of 19 and are near your soulmate, it shows up on your wrist, neck, or shoulder blade.

She didn't want to see Jisung in case that tattoo never came, they both wouldn't be able to handle the realization. But it is a part of life, and I'm not going to let my best friends live alone when they could have a chance to be in love and happy.

Han wanted to see us both while he was visiting the city, even though he knew the risk of utter devastation. That fake profile was just a set up so that she would finally meet up with Han, and she probably already knew about my plans.

I walked up to her door cautiously, gently brushing my knuckles against her door.

"Y/n... I know why you are actually upset."

Y/n pov

"Because of Han Jisung." I answered, brushing past the old childhood photos saved on my phone.

"I know that's what you were going to say Yeji, and you're right. I know I won't be able to take it if the guy I love isn't the one for me, and that all of those nights alone with him that are coded into my brain are worthless. I'm scared Yeji, I'm scared that I won't be able to think of most of my life without tearing up." I explained, as she plopped down on my bed next to me.

"You're fear will just get worse until you find out, you'll never know the result until you actually try." She replied, placing my head on her shoulder for comfort.

I let out a shaky breath as a couple tears streamed down my cheeks, she was right as usual. But I still needed at least one day to prepare myself.

"Fine, but let me rest today. I'm not going to fancy restraint with puffy eyes and bed head." I remarked, watching as a sly smile spread across her lips.

She slowly began to exit my bedroom, delighted that she finally got her way with me. Not even explaining who that fake date even was, probably just a random guy from Google. It was 11:30 at night, and all of my crying really wore the energy out of my body and mind.

So eventually sleep crossed paths with my mind and hooked up, completely losing consciousness as my memories flashed like a polaroid camera.

December 15th 2018

"I can't believe we're graduating this year, seems like we only started high school yesterday." Jisung sighed, carrying both of our bags while walking home together.

"Don't worry quokka, you'll still carry my bags for me even after high school." I teased, pinching the reddened skin of his cheeks.

"Oh very funny, and you'll still put crackers in your mouth and pretend to be a walrus." He remarked dodging the snowball that came his way.

He set my bags down on my front yard as he gathered his own army of cold fluff balls. I tackled him to the ground as we both drowned the silence in laughter, I traced my frosted mittens across his face. Gently crossing his lips as he brushed the snow chunks from my hair.

The close warmth of his breath against my face sent my heart into a frenzy, I secretly craved the closeness of him... But I never wanted to admit it in case I'd lose him.

His now glossed lips looked so kiss able, the way they pouted as he focused on my hair. And how they stretched into a warm smile that left a fuzzy feeling in my heart for years, made it only harder to stop myself from interlocking them with mine.

"I better get going bun bun. I'll see you tomorrow at school though." Jisung reassured, lightly booping my nose as he left his trail from my snowy front yard. Waving one last time to catch my attention as I was at the front door.

"Farewell loser!" He shouted, showing off that bright smile of his.

"Farewell to you as well, asshole!" I retorted, giggling as I walked into my empty house all alone.

November 28th 2020

Y/n pov

"Wake up! Time for bubble tea!" Yeji screamed, jumping on top of me as she consistently hit me with my own pillows.

"I thought we were meeting Jisung later." I sighed, looking at the red numbers of my alarm clock reading 7:30am.

"Yes we are, but I want bubble tea and to talk with you about some stuff I found out." Yeji replied, pulling me out of bed to soon push me into the washroom.

I complied to her excited energy, understanding it is pretty exciting for her.

The steaming water swallowed every inch of my skin, blocking out all of the noises outside. Only leaving me and the blank wall to stare at, droplets of water racing against each other. A flash of the mirror and sunlight clashing, sending the flash of a polaroid to my memories.

August 16th 2018

Yeji squealed as her boyfriend threw her into the pool, soon joining her in a large cannonball jump. All of his friends danced around with liquor drenching their breath, as their bodies clashed together in ways they didn't fully understand.

It wasn't my style of fun, it instead gave me a wave of fear and stress. Not recognizing any of these people, while they danced around half naked. Yeji's boyfriend decided that she had enough fun for one night, and took her home to rest.

I hurriedly gathered my belongings and rushed out the door, just as excited and horny shouts came from the pool. I was okay to walk home alone, it felt nice to be surrounded my silence for once. Even if my conscious tortured me about every bad possibility.

"Need a drive home party animal?" a familiar voice called from across the road, that voice of the man who has always had my back.

"I'd actually really like that." I replied, feeling a wave of comfort when I entered the car.

"I can tell your a bit freaked out." He sighed, throwing his bad into the backseat.

"That party was just... A lot. A lot more than I expected." I whimpered, still a bit overwhelmed from the experience.

"How about you stay at my place for the night. We'll even watch some American horror story..." Jisung suggested, even though he was shit terrified of anything remotely scary.

"I'm holding you to it quokka." I giggled, slapping his thigh teasingly.

We drove to his home as the car filled with a random playlist of songs, one landing on my favorite 'Turning Page'.

"I didn't know you liked this song." I commented, blushing softly at the tone of the song.

"I want this to be the song that represents me and my soulmate. It sounds cheesy, but it's true." He revealed, glancing my way as the car stopped in the from of his home.

The whole topic of soulmates use to be humorous to me, remembering when me and Han drew matching docks on our palms as 'our' symbol. Even taking a polaroid photo of the amazing art we drew, I still have it in my phone case.

Then it hit me, how much it would hurt to see him destined with someone other then me. That moment when he glanced back into my eyes with a shy smile, is when I admitted to myself for falling madly in love with my best friend.

November 28th 2020

I walked along the streets of our home town, hanging my mask off my chin when sipping my bubble tea.

"You know what's crazy." Yeji started, catching my focus immediately.

"I remember the moment you started crushing on Jisung. You didn't even have to tell me, I already knew." She admitted, gazing at me with only a soft warmth in her eyes.

"It was obvious by how many photos you had of him and you on your wall, and the way you looked at him as if he were your dream person." She continued, texting something on her phone that I couldn't quite see.

"Or how when he caught you staring he'd reply with 'take a picture it'll last longer'... And you always did to get revenge. I will never forget the day I saw you two as more then best friends, that was the same day when I bought you that polaroid camera for Christmas. " She replied, taking a short break as her hands nervously fidgeted with her skirt.

"That's why I want a 'thank you' later on." She mumbled, before running off and leaving me completely stunned on the bench.

"Y/n..."

September 14th 2018

"It's crazy that this is your last day here." I sighed, trying my best not to cry.

He nodded trying to smile the pain away like me, but soon caving in once his arms met my body. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hoping I could capture his scent one last time.

"I'll still visit. I can't cope without seeing your face, asshole." He chuckled lightly, sniffling quietly when he retracted his arms away.

He stared at my features for a few long seconds, as if he was contemplating on doing something. Jisung shook his head, smiling brightly once more as he pulled me into one last hug.

As he put his palm on the door knob, I shouted his name one last time. Running across the room towards him, he turned around immediately dropping his bangs on the ground.

He instantly knew what I was going to do, since his lips molded with mine without one ounce of hesitation. His hands lost in my hair, pulling me closer and closer until there was no space between us. Jisung's lips were so much sweeter and softer then any other kiss I've had.

The sweetness was sprinkled with the salty taste of our mixed tears. Only creating more as the kiss began to end, both of us realizing we should've told each other so much sooner.

"I love you." We both sighed at the same time, smiling sadly at the bittersweet sting in our hearts.

November 28th 2020

"Jisung..." I gasped, turning around quickly to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"W-wow... You've really. Wow." He stuttered, cautiously inching closer towards me.

"You too." I chuckled airily, swallowing back my tears. I missed him so much, but it hurt too much to see him at the same time.

"Y/n... I know it's been a while. But I honestly came here because I needed to see you. I still love you, and I don't care if we're soul mates or not. I'll sharpie our own symbol on us everyday if I have to." He revealed, grasping my hands between his own.

"I'm sorry that I was being so selfish." I sighed, caving into my own tears. Regretting my fears of seeing him again, feeling terrible for torturing him just as much as I tortured myself.

"We are both scared. It's not our fault, but I just want us to accept that things may not go our way. But that won't stop us from being together." He reassured, lightly brushing frosted his mitten across my features. Glossing over my lips gently, his eyes warm and gentle as they fluttered shut.

I molded into his kiss immediately, lacing my fingers through his silky hair. Soon pulling him closer to my so there was no space between us, making sure no one could try and ruin this moment for us.

His lips still were as sweet as the first time they molded into mine, and his fingertips could still make my legs give out by how gentle they were against my skin. Every emotion flashed through my mind, all my regrets, confidence, love, lust... It all flashed just like a...

"Polaroid." He gasped, tugging my palm next to his as the ink slowly traced the same picture into my palm. The picture of the camera that captured all the moments I treasured with my soulmate, the soulmate that was everything I could've asked for.

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi hi can i request a cake with haikyuu bois??

Pronouns, sexuality: she/her, straight

Appearance: 160cm, dark dirty blonde hair with black roots and I wear a black glasses, love wearing skirts and dresses, eyes colour is really really dark brown which only noticeable if that person is standing 1cm in front of me

Mbti, horoscope: ISFP-T, pisces

Personality: cold to new people but wild and weird around close friends, always act tough and bottle up my feelings but actually very sensitive and cry baby, independent hence I'm always too afraid to ask for help, stubborn and determined, kinda bit tsundere but can get very very clingy in a relationship, hot-headed/short-tempered, don't do well in stressful situation and will try to run away from it but I'm trying to change that, get shy and awkward and cringe at myself easily even if it's just me having a music jamming session all by myself

Hobbies: listen to songs, play video games or watch esport tournaments or pro players stream, sometimes shopping cuz i like fashion related stuffs

Random facts: very picky eater, always rage in video games and scream at my teammate who ruin my game but not to my friends, have a very cliche dream of visiting Musee de Louvre, MOMA, and the Van Gogh Museum in Netherlands, have a weird habit of crunching ice lmaoo

Values I look for in a partner: loyalty, sweet and caring, protective/dominance, able to accpet every part of me because I tend to change myself in a relationship if that means they will like me more

Thank you for answering my request!

🍰 for @lhlj

Romantic Matchup

Bokuto Koutarou

How yall met

you were a third year who had just decided to become a volleyball manager

So he knew you on that level

But he never actually KNEW you

You always seemed too blunt to conversate with

And you never really asked for help with anything

So he just never really made the effort to talk to you

Then one day he walked into practice and saw you talking to akaashi

Wait....

Were you smiling?

Omg your laughing now?????

Now that he thinks about it he has never seen you laugh before

After you left he ran up to akaashi

“Akaashi how did you get y/n to talk to you”

Akaashi looked at him like he just asked if the sky was blue

‘Oh you won't believe it, it's almost like i went up to her and just said some words” 😐

We stan sassy akaashi

No way it had always been that easy to talk to you

Right?

He decided to test his theory when he saw you struggling to grab the net from the storage closet

“Hey y/n you need some help there?”

Oh hey bokuto yeah if you could help that would be great”

Omg

It really HAD been that easy to talk to you

If he'd known how easy it was he would've tried befriending you MONTHS ago!

Well there's no time like the present am i right

He was shocked to see how differently you acted around people you're comfortable with

He always took you as a bit of a shy person

But turns out your even goofier than he was

And you were actually a really interesting person

Like he never knew that you wanted to go to the Netherlands!

And you were just so cool,and funny,and kind and-

Bokuto-san, you have a crush on them”

Huh?

No way

You were just his friend!

His really pretty friend that he couldn't stop thinking about`

Omg he had a crush on you…

It took him a couple of weeks to find the courage to tell you how he felt

Then one day he offered to walk you home after practice because he wanted to talk to you

So you agreed and started walking

Bokuto seemed off to say the least

Actually now that you think about it

He's been acting pretty weird for about a month or so

“Hey Bo you doing alr-”

“I have a crush on you y/n”

After he registered what he just said his face turned DARK red

“Ok gotta go bye”

“Wait Bo, i like you too”

I beg your pardon

You?

Liked him back?

Omg he could not be happier!

When you walked into the gym hand and hand the next day the whole team was just like

Omg about time 🙄

What they love about you

He loves how independent you are

He truly believes you can do whatever you put your mind to

However

He does wish you weren't so hesitant to ask for help when you really needed it

He's your boyfriend now!

If you ever need ANYTHING he'll be there for you

So pls pls pls ask him for help when you need it

He loves that your a dreamer

After you told him about your dream to visit places in the Netherlands

Bb boy started saving any extra cash he got in a jar

He will save up for YEARS if it means he can make your dream come true

Omg he LOVES how clingy you can get

We all know this boys love language is physical touch

So whenever you want to cuddle he literally ZOOMS to get pillows blankets and snacks

Yalls cuddle sessions are *chefs kiss*

Favorite things to do together

Honestly he just loves to spend time with you

So anything

Literally anything

You wanna play videogames all day? Bet

You wanna go to the mall all day and shop? Where's his wallet

You just wanna stay home and chill all day? Great! Anything for you

Random Hc

This man SPOILS. YOU. ROTTEN

If you so much as make the COMMENT about liking something in the store

Expect it to be in your hands the very next day

He actually was able to save up enough money to take you on your dream trip

You guys both went the summer after you graduated

One time he saw you just eating ice

And he was like “ooh let me try”

The second he put it in his mouth “ouch that's too cold :((((“

Yall have karaoke nights

It's basically you just putting songs on a speaker and jamming out while cooking dinner or sum

Astrology

Pisces + Virgo

Compatibility 88%

Virgo and Pisces represent the axis of the exaltation and fall of both Venus and Mercury.

This makes them partners with greatest challenges and the greatest potential for love in the entire zodiac.

They need to find a fine balance of rationality and emotions, each one individually and together through their relationship.

In many cases this is not a couple that will last very long, as their mutable quality makes them changeable enough to disregard the entire relationship quickly if they aren’t satisfied.

They need to realize that perfection they seek might not be presented in the form they expect. If they stay together for long enough to understand the benefits of their contact, they might discover that the love between them is the only true love they could find in this lifetime.

Overall Aesthetic

Surreal Dreamer

Songs-

Sunflower (Rez Orange County)

3 am (HONNE)

Little talks (Of Monsters and Men)

Out of my league (Fitz and the Tantrums)

[watching-pictures-move]

Viddying the Nasties #37 | Possession (Zulawski, 1981)

This review contains spoilers.

Andrzej Zulawski's Possession is a movie I'd somewhat been dreading revisiting. When I'd seen it all those years back (on YouTube, split into two parts if I recall correctly, as the DVD had been hard to come by in those days), despite being greatly moved by the experience, I'd also found it an extremely exhausting film to sit through. It's a tortured divorce melodrama (among other things) that starts at 11 and only goes up from there. Lots of shouting and screaming, physical abuse, kicking around chairs and tables. The movie is not what I'd call an overtly pleasant experience. Watching it now (on a Blu-ray from Mondo Vision, a substantial upgrade from my original format), while I won't characterize my previous impressions as inaccurate, I was able to better appreciate how the movie modulates this tone, acclimatizing us to its fraught emotional space. The movie starts off in the realm of a normal, bitter breakup, with the husband having returned from a work trip only to learn that his wife is leaving him and struggling to make sense of it, his frustration and anger stemming as much from the fact of her dissolving their relationship as his inability to comprehend her motivations. It isn't really until the half hour mark that it asks us to dive off the deep end with it. The husband hits his wife in the middle of a fight, follows her onto the street as she tries to halfheartedly throw herself onto the path of a truck, which then drops its baggage in an almost comical bit of stuntwork, their squabble ended when the husband becomes surrounded by children playing soccer and joins in. Any one of these by itself is nothing out of the ordinary, but Zulawski assembles them into an off-kilter crescendo, and does away with any sense of normalcy for the rest of the runtime.

That this approach works as well as it does is largely thanks to Isabelle Adjani as Anna, the wife, who spends the aforementioned scene looking like a vampire in cat eye sunglasses and blood streaming down her grimacing mouth. She delivers perhaps the most bracingly physical performance I've seen in a movie, but again this is something I'd maybe underappreciated initially in terms of how finely tuned her choices are. An early scene where she fights with her husband has her manically cutting raw meat and shoving it into a grinder, as if to channel her frustrations into acceptable form of violence for women. When she takes an electric knife to her throat, she begins to spasm about like a farm animal during a botched slaughter, providing a further comment on her domestic situation. The film's most famous scene has her freak out in a subway tunnel, thrashing her limbs about chaotically but almost rhythmically, maybe like the contractions when goes into labour. Her character later describes this as a miscarriage, ejecting the side of her which is neat and orderly and "good". Adjani plays this other half as well, with a much more old fashioned hairdo (braided conservatively like a stereotypical schoolmarm), one which provides a much more tender maternal figure to the couple's son. Adjani is also well cast because of her emotive, saucer-like eyes, which she isn't afraid to point at the camera repeatedly, providing a genuine emotional grounding during both the quieter and more hysterical sections of the movie.

Her husband, Mark, is played by Sam Neill, who had been cast after the filmmakers had seen him in Gillian Armstrong's My Brilliant Career. To understand why Neill works so well, it helps to know that Sam Waterston had previously expressed interest in the role. Waterston, while a good actor, would have come off too fogeyish as the husband. Neill brings the appropriate edge and even sex appeal necessary for the material. And like in Jurassic Park, his best known role, he brings an inquisitive quality that keeps him close enough to our vantage point to give the narrative arc some grounding. The other major human character here is Heinz Bennent as Heinrich, a new age guru who happens to be having an affair with the wife. One on hand, this character represents the counterculture from Zulawski's homeland, which he had left after trouble from the authorities when making his last movie. On the other hand, Zulawski was drawing heavily from the bitter divorce he had just gone through, and directs a sizable fraction of the movie's contempt at this character, leading me to believe that his wife in fact left him for some new age buffoon. In one of the movie's funnier scenes, he has Heinrich confront Mark over Anna's disappearance and then go into a dumbassed trance while spouting new age nonsense and basically calling Mark a Nazi. This is the guy his wife left him for? This jackass? Mark sets him up by sending him to Anna, knowing full well he could be killed, but the potency of Mark's rage (and Zulawski's, by extension), as well as the ludicrousness of the Heinrich character, keep us from sympathizing with the latter too much. Zulawski has Heinrich die with his head in a toilet, a final flush by Mark serving as one last hilariously mean-spirited gesture of contempt.

Zulawski originally conceived the movie as having another major character, Anna's ex-husband, to be played by veteran actor and director Bernard Wicki, but after the first day of shooting with Wicki, he decided to drop the character entirely. (I suppose it depends on the personalities, but I wonder how actors react to being let go early from a project. Is it worse if it's on the first day? How about if you lead the filmmakers to realize they should do away with the character altogether? I only hope Wicki got paid.) It's not hard to see what purpose this character would have served, particularly in the way that Anna "upgrades" her lovers, having traded a much older man for the younger, sexier Mark, and then trying to replace him with an evolving monstrous fuck-squid (more on this later) that she was trying to nurture and reshape into the ideal partner. The only remnants of this character in the finished film is his young wife, who appears in the climax and his goaded by the "new" Mark (the final form of the fuck-squid) to shoot into the corpses of the real Mark and Anna. The character's proposed thematic purpose might have spelled out this moment's significance more clearly, but I'm not always convinced thematic clarity is preferable to how things move and feel, and the end product does not feel incomplete or incoherent, or at least not detrimentally so. The emotions make sense, even if the events onscreen are outside the norm. (My condolences to those of you who've been dumped for a monstrous fuck-squid.)

Having been conceived after his last project was quashed by authorities in Poland, there's undeniably a political element here, enhanced by the noticeable presence of the Berlin Wall, near which much of the film is situated. (At one point the camera looks out the window and sees the police from East Berlin staring back.) The realities of the Cold War figure heavily in the characters' lives, as it's suggested that Helen (the other Adjani) is from behind the Iron Curtain (she speak of readily identifiable evil, which could be interpreted as the visible presence of an authoritarian regime) and that Mark's work is in the field of intelligence, maybe even espionage. But the movie is less interested in pointing out political specifics than in the accompanying sense of repression and division, which plays heavily into the visual style. The movie often divides its frames to separate the characters, but rarely with any sense of symmetry, suggesting a sense of emotional chaos enhanced by the bruising mixture of wide angle lenses and handheld camerawork. When we're with Mark, the movie looks overcast, bluish grey, appropriately repressed at first, although Anna's presence throws his neat, fluorescently-lit apartment into disarray. Anna's love nest, situated in the Turkish district right beside the Wall is dilapidated and unkempt, which may have reflected the squalid realities of a hastily rented apartment in what I assume is a poorer part of town, but after having excised the orderly part of herself, it seems like an accurately messy reflection of her headspace.

Now back to the fuck-squid. It's hard to go into Possession this day and age completely blind, and even back when I first saw it, it came on my radar as the movie where "Isabelle Adjani fucks a squid". I have a lot of respect for Zulawski for delivering the goods on this front and for Adjani for throwing herself into this material, not because I'm some kind of sexual deviant who gets off on this stuff (although if you are, I'm not here to judge, it's a free country, just clear your browsing history after), but because modern arthouse cinema often defaults to a mode of cold, downplayed and too afraid to raise the audience's pulse (because apparently it's undignified to force a reaction out of the audience) and it's nice to see a movie serve what it says on the tin (this is one I'd have loved to see with an unsuspecting audience back in the day). Producer Marie Laure-Reyre notes that Zulawski was very hands on with the conception of the monster, drawing inspiration from gargoyles in Polish architecture, as if to further imbue political context into the proceedings. When seeing the end product, I can only assume Zulawski broke up with his wife at a seafood restaurant (I would hope he didn't react like Mark and throw around all the tables and chairs). Of course, the design of the monster means that the movie leans heavily into body horror, and its inclusion on the Video Nasty list in the UK and its release in the US in a heavily-trimmed 81-minute version emphasizing these elements likely contributed to its psychotronic reputation early on. (I am still interested in seeking out this cut, as I can't imagine the loss of 40 whole minutes wouldn't substantially alter the film's character.) It flirts with other genres as well. Certain scenes have a clear slapstick quality. Some of these involve Heinrich, the ever-reliable target of the film's ridicule, but there is also Margit Cartensen, playing Anna's friend and Mark-hater Marge, falling on her ass like a Three Stooges bit. And there's the climax, parodying action movies with its woozy cocktail of car chase, shootout and explosions, which leads a headlong rush into the film's apocalyptic final moments.

[randomsevans]

The habit part 2

@jtargaryen18 30daysofchris2020

'How could you let your self be so foolish ' you kept telling yourself all night along .With the tears, throwing pillows (anything you could get your hands on ) around . Needles to say , you didnt get any sleep again and you see if being that way for a while .

After a long day of advoiding Steve in the gym , you dont think you have ever worked out more in your life , your knuckles were close to bleeding, many times Bucky had to keep telling you to stop. It wasnt till night fell you could truly let your emotions out . It wasnt till you caused a loud sound that echoed though the tower , when you though your lamp . When Nat and Bucky came to your room and looked after you again .

The morning air was quite and cold , Nat and Buck had went to go and get breakfast as you stayed your room to get change . You felt numb as if your soul was gone . You dont know why you feel like this, you cant help it , but it's not like you two were anything . You were just stuiped to catch feeling for something he probably seen has he being nice . That why it makes it feel so worst , you cant be mad . How can you ? Its Steve the most kindest human with those stuiped blue eyes . The only person you should be mad at is your self .

Turning a corner you felt half asleep . In zombie mode . You were looking at your feet which were slowly making there way forward when you collided with a wall and fell straight on your ass . "God ,y/,n you in there ? Someone tired this morning?" Arrr great clint , your never gonna live this down

"Ass !" You said getting up.

"Well you just fell on yours " clint laught walking into the kitchen "ha guy ,guess I didnt know we had a zombie in the compand?" He shouted annoyingly to group of people that were all around the table as he sat down .

You begin to walk over not amused by Clint or anyone , when you notice there was no seats left . Everyone was in there own conversation, talking about the most stuiped morning shit . You quickly glance maybe there might be one seat . No none . You looked at steve he had the biggest smile on his face, laughing as hes arm was behind Sharon was was snug against his side smiling. In your seat . Your chest tightened again . But you didnt know what more for a the fact no one saw you, Sharon and Steve or that fact . YOUR seat was taken . You have never felt so alone and pushed out of the group like you dont belong. There were all happy, your dark mood would just worsen their day , if they even knew you were there .

You turned to the kitchen and got a bowl , some cereal you randomly picked up . And turned around to walk out the room . As you left you heard to echoes of laughter as you made your way back into your room with clouded eyes . It wasnt till you reached outside your room you looked at the bowl . You forget the milk . 'Wow y/n good . Oh what the fuck I'm not even hungry!'you thought as you though the bowl toward the wall opposite your door . You just watched it smash into pieces, going all over the follow , watching the cereal slip every where ,bouncing along the corridor . You just stared at it , feeling numb , not even feeling bad for making a mess you are not going to clean up . You just thought what a symbol for your heart . Your not even sure you have one anymore .

You entered your room , slowly as if you were scared to move to fast .

"Friday " you called out .

"Yes Miss y/l/n ?"

"Dont let anyone in my room ..." you began " if anyone even comes looking " you whispered the last part .

"Do you intend to stay in here to day miss ."

"Yes I'm staying "

"Are you sick ?"

"Of life " you mumbled "no I just want to stay in here " you said more firmly.

"But miss you have training with Captain Roger's at 10 am "

"Cancel it ! ... in fact cancel all my sessions with him , change it to either Barnes or Romanoff!"

"Cancel ! ... Captain Roger's has been informed and his new partner will be miss Carter under his request " she announced , now that stings " I'm sorry miss but Barnes and Romanoff already booked their session and theres no changing.."

"I'll do it my self then .."

"M'sorry miss you cant ..."

"I can !"

"Its not saf....."

"It doesnt matter anyway Friday , I'll do it my self , Its not big deal , and if anyone ask I'm out !"

"Okay miss "

Silence. Silence fill the room , bring pain to your ear drums . You walk toward your bed and lift the covers and plop your self in between the cover , pulling the blanked over your head . You let out a loud sob as your head hit the pillow , mufling the sound as cold tears stream down your hot cheeks . You feel like you cant breath between the weight of the sheets over your head and your sobbing.

This was your new habit

You feel your eyes become heaving as your breath become even more irregular and tear ducts dry , you felt your mind wonder into darkness .

○●○○●○○●○○●○○●○○

'BANG!'

You jumped a wake , 'god what time is it?' Your mind was pounding much like the door , adrenaline though your veins

"Y/n ?" Bucky , okay so you know that voice . Your mind still fuzzy from walking up

"What's going on ?" You hurned another voice outside 'Tony ?' You think

"Is everything okay ?" Your heart stopped ' Steve ?'

"NO ITS NOT !" You heard Nat .'god is the whole team outside.

"What the matter " great Sharon

"Nothing to concern you " bucky anger shown in his voice .

"Ha Buck calm down no need to be like that to my girl " Steve defended .

"Oh fuck off would ya " Bucky shout " y/ n please open up !"

"Bucky calm down " Tony yelled over Bucky ."Friday open the door "

"I'm sorry sir I cant "

"What ! "

"Dont you think we've tried that tony "Nat now sounded worried "y/n I know your in there "

"Miss y/n is out " Friday said .

"See she out ! No need to be like this " steve

"No she hasn't left the compand I check to carma s , have you even seen her today ?" Natasha now sounds on the verge of tears , while you sat still on your bed scared to move.

"No .. no I havnt , she cancel our session " Steve voice wavered in panic " is shes okay?"

"Maybe shes sick , Friday is y/n sick ? " Tony ask .

"Of life sir " Friday respond ,great she heard that.

Gasp were heard out side , you ran into the bathroom scared as if you were a child in trouble you sat your self on the floor, knees tucked under your chin , rocking back and forth , more tears rolling down , how is more tears even possible at this point?

More ponding at the door. "Y/n please tell me you haven't done something stuiped ?" Bucky sounded as if he was near to crying , with considnt pouncing at your door . "Please!!" He shouted at the top of his lungs " open the door "

"She just probably being dramatic " you heard sharon wining voice .The next thing your heard was a loud shudder as somthing hit the floor , followed by screams of "NAT ! " "ROMANOFF!" "NATASHA !"

"Say that again and I'll kill you "

"Nat stop " steve switch to his cap voice "open the door y/n .. come on this isn't funny "

"Leave now "Bucky challenged Steve .

"No not until I know shes okay !" Steve challenged Bucky .

"She will be when you leave !"

"But ..." Steve began

"Why do you even care ?" Bucky shouts

"Because I lo....."

"Steve please " you heard sharon crying.

"Oh babe ...come on .. Nat apologise!"

"Over my dead body ... now every one leave " nat voice filled with authority.

"Okay !" Followed by foot steps heading the other direction.

"Y/n everyone's left it's just me and Buck , open up , we ain't mad just worried open up please or at least let us know your okay?"

Silence . You dont know how long . But it was just silent .

In a low whisper your voice barely cracking though the thick abosant of sound " friday inform them I'm okay "

"Of course miss " friday respond.

Silence again . Once again you wernt able to measure the amount of time due to your fuzzy mind .

"Okay. Come out when your ready , eh ? Just know your not going to push us away " bucky said

"And what did a bowl of cereal ever do to you eh " Natasha let out a small laugh . Which caused you to make a small chuckle.

You found strength and wonder to your door slowly ,pulling it open to reveal two very red eyed worried assistant. You wander how you can make two of the most deadly people in the world near to tears .

"It didnt have milk" you put on a small innocent smile .

Bucky grinning down at you with Natasha on his side even smiling more . "There she is "

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 66)

"Freak Outs on a Sunday"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@lovemythsworld

@crystalbaby12

@southsidequeenie

✳NOTE✳ I changed the tone of the argument in Chapter 63 over the picture. It carries into this one.

✳ALSO✳ The end of this chapter is in the comments bc Tumblr is acting like an ASSHOLE.

"Mooom-Mom!! You know where my board is!?" Luna shouts from her bedroom in Patti's home.

She's looking for her skateboard. She wants to take it on tour with her. Plus, Casie's shown a real interest and Luna wants to harbor it. She looks under her bed, in her closet, behind her door and in the spare room where a bunch of her shit is. She can't find it.

"What the fuuuuckk..." She says to herself, irritated.

Still looking, her mind is also spiraling out from the last few days.

"I can't find fucking ANYTHING.... UGH... My stuff is everrywhere.... I just want my stuff.... I can't fucking deal with this shit..... WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK!!" Luna starts to cry as she runs her hands through her hair in frustration.

She screams "MOM-MOOOOOOM!!!!!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In the kitchen with Patti, Casie and Joni, Colson hears Luna.

"Uhm, I think Luna's calling you, Pat." Colson says.

Patti looks up from the puzzle she's putting together with Casie amd her bestfriend. It's of one of Luna's favorite photographs by her grandfather. Patti having it custom made. Puzzles are a hobby she loves and shares with her granddaughter.

It's over 4K peices. Patti's been working on it for 6mnths. Luna helping along the way.

"Is she?" She asks before going back to the puzzle.

"This one's REALLY hard. There's no colors." Casie complains.

"Oh! That's the best part! You really to focus on finding the matching partners." Patti tells the little girl in a poetic way.

"MOM-MOOOOOOOM!!!!!"

Colson stands up immediately hearing Luna. Patti looks at Casie and Colson, waving off their concern.

"I've got her." She tells them as she stands up from the table.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Luna's ripping through her closet again when Patti enters her bedroom.

"LUNA! What the hell are you doing!?" Patti asks, shutting the door.

As Luna comes out of her closet and Patti sees her face she softens.

"LunaBuug... What's going on, Honey?" She asks her granddaughter concerned.

Luna's shaking with tears streaming down her face. She running her hands through her hair again as she speaks frantically to her grandmother.

"My fucking stuff, Mom-mom. You know how I feel about my stuff. I can't find my fucking skateboard because my shit's everywhere. All through here. In the fucking shortage locker. At Ashley. Colson's. Shit, Mom-mom, I even have stuff in fucking CLEVELAND!"

Luna throws her hands up in frustration. Stopping and just looking at her grandmother. Tears still dropping. Patti takes her hand. Leading her to the bed, she sits down with her and sparks a joint. Smoking it with her granddaughter, Patti asks Luna What's Really Going On?

Luna sighs, taking the joint from her grandmom. Rubbing her forehead, she thinks of how to explain her current life as they pass the joint back and forth. Patti simply listening as the flood gates open.

"I just... I just feel like I'm really exposed and all over the place right now. Everything's changing so fast. I feel like everyone is up my ass. Radio stations are calling my phone for surprise interviews... I'm all over The fucking Internet because I'm in some weird song fight with a girl I don't even know.... The fucking Paps have been on me since I hit town..... And I don't need anyone looking at me.... And MY STUUUUUFFFFF. I can't find my stuff because I don't have a fucking home Mom-Mom." She's crying again.

Luna's curled up on the bed, head laid in Patti's lap. Patti strokes Luna's hair, she takes a moment before responding to her granddaughter.

"You always have a home here LunaBug." She begins to comfort her.

"I know Mom-Mom, but it's not the same. I think I'm gonna buy something in The City. I'm waiting to talk to Monica." Luna hits the joint again before passing it to her grandmom.

"Well, there you go. You're on the right track. You're like a bird Luna, you can go anywhere but you need a nest to fly back to.... But tell me about this, what did you say? Song fight? What is that?" She looks down at her granddaughter's face in her lap.

Luna sighs and rolls her eyes. She tries to explain how this one girl doesn't like her. That she's not sure if it's because Colson or herself at this point.

Letting her in on the sneak Breakfast Club interview. How Luna tried to play it cool even with the Instagram post and Snaps. But the song BeBe put out had finally been enough.

She tells her grandmother that she retaliated with her own song. Dropping it in a more public manner then ever before. Ripping open the tiny slit Bad Things and Nightmare had made into her private life.

Patti immediately wants to hear both songs. Luna plays them back to back. BeBe's first. Patti's shocked at the content..

"That poor, little girl. She comes off very desperate and jealous." Patti says, having the same sad reaction for Bleta as Luna did initially. "You're quite the bitch too there, Loons." She chuckles at her granddaughter's mean response to the girl. "That's a different sound for you. If you didn't tell me, I don't know if I would've known that was something of yours.

For some reason this irritates Luna.

"Really? See, fucking changes...." She says, shaking her head.

They burn through the joint. Sitting up, Luna sparks another one before she lays back on the bed. Patti lays on her side next to her. They continue to talk and get high together.

"Good or Bad changes?" She asks her.

"I don't know. Good and bad. Colson's good. Casie's good. But honestly, it's a little weird. I love her but you know kids freak me out. She's a whole, tiny person. Watching, wanting me to teach her stuff. It's pretty intimidating."

Luna looks over as her grandmother laughs at her. She passes her the joint before continuing.

"I like being on The West Coast and close to Ash... I just... I don't like to be looked at Mom-Mom, you know this. And I feel like a LOT of people are looking at me who don't need to know about the stuff I do. Like, they're everywhere. They caught me coming out of a bar and I didn't even know! What would I have done if they'd have been around the night I helped Marissa? I'd have been fucked."

Patti knows Luna's right. She tells her she doesn't know how to advise her, never having to deal with photographers in this despicable way in her day. IF you can even call them photographers. Turning to her, she asks her granddaughter bluntly if she's seeing her therapist.

"No." Luna says sheepishly.

"Why not?" Patti wants to know.

"Comes I'm not ho...."

"That's no excuse, Luna. You could be doing phone sessions."

"I never know where I'm gonna be at what time." Luna tries to protest.

"Not an excuse. You need to speak to Kylie. You're right, a lot of things have changed and they're going to keep changing. You need to get ahead of it. Fame is at your door, Luna. You're gonna need Kylie to help you navigate it. I want you start weekly phone sessions with her again. Carve out 45mins and take care of yourself. You know what happens when you don't." Patti tries to guide the young woman.

Luna sighs. She knows her grandmother's right. Rolling towards her, she hugs her mom-mom. She really doesn't feel any better though.

Hugging Luna back and looking over her shoulder, Patti spies the skateboard. It's leaning against the armoire, hidden by a tossed tapestry.

"Look." She says, pointing as Luna rolls over. "There it is. Sometimes we need to slow down and take a moment to find things. Isn't that how you met Colson? You took your time and found what was right for you, yeah? Patti says.

Rolling over, a weird relief washes over Luna when she sees her board. Patti's words sitting in her mind but with everything moving so fast all the time, she doesn't know how to slow anything down.

"It's just a lot Mom-Mom.... And I don't know how to stop it." Luna admits.

"I know, Kiddo." Patti strokes Luna hair again.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Concerned about Luna. Colson tells Casie he'll be right back. She still trying to figure out the puzzle with Joni.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Colson knocks on the door before he heads in.

"You okay?" He asks with a worried look on his face.

Patti and Luna are still laying across the bed together. Both of them sitting up, Patti pats Luna on the knee before kissing her forehead.

"I'm gonna give you guys a minute. I love you, Kiddo. Call Kylie." She says.

Patti pats Colson on the shoulder as she passes him before walking out of the room. She heads back to the kitchen with Casie and Joni. She's worried about Luna.

"Who's Kylie?" Colson asks sitting on the bed next to Luna.

"My therapist." She tells him in a monotone voice.

"So, everything's not okay?" He asks taking her hand.

"No. It's not. I know you feel some type of way about that picture with Tommy but I did too. For different reasons." She sighs, lacing her fingers inside Colson's.

Luna goes on to explain how she's worried about people digging too deep into her life. Especially with the Dark Web and ICE. She goes on to say that there's other things she still needs to take care of too that can't be exposed. Shaking her head No, she tells him she'll explain that another time when he asks what she's referring to. Luna then tells Colson she's thinking about buying another place in NY.

"Why?" He asks, immediately concerned for their relationship.

"Because I need a place for my stuff. It's everywhere." She answers.

"Put it at my place." Colson replies.

"I have stuff at you place, but I need the space. I have furniture and shit. I can't move another house into your house." She tells him.

"So, are you staying in NY then?" He asks confused with his eyebrows furrowed.

"What the fuck is happening... Is she breaking up with me???" Colson's heart pounds as his mind panics.

"No. We're just always in The City though... And it's my home. My grandma's here. My friends are here. It's like you having places in LA and Clevland. It'll be big enough for all of us to stay in. And Ash can even use it too." It makes perfect sense to Luna.

Understanding what Luna's saying now, Colson nods his head. Letting go of her hand to rub the small of her back, he apologizes for only being focused on the Tommy part and not the bigger picture. He tells that they'll figure out this Paparazzi thing together. He knows Luna doesn't like to be controlled and to her this is a form of control.

"It'll be okay." Colson tries to reassure.

Luna sighs looking at him. She's not so sure.

"Come on." He says, pulling her off the bed. "We're gonna be late for brunch."

------------------------------------------------

Everyone is standing outside waiting for a table for brunch at Santina. Colson, Slim and Rook are talking about the tour.

"I'm telling you, if we do it right, it'll be epic." Rook debates on the stage prop he has an idea for.

"How are we gonna move, Dawg?" Slim asks him.

Colson looks over to Slim. He doesn't think it's too bad of an idea. Before he can speak, Benny calls out Yo. Their table is ready.

They're loud at brunch. There's a lot of them. It's Luna and Colson with Casie, her grandmother and Joni. Ashley, Dom, Pete and Kate. Ashleigh, Slim, Rook, Benny and Baze.

They order mimosas with their food.

Laughing and talking about last night. They enjoy their food and company.

Ashleigh asks Casie how her sleep over was. Casie giggles with Patti and Joni as they talk about the dance party they had. How delicious their cookies were and the funny photos Patti had shown off of Luna as a kid.

"Loons?"

Luna turns at the sound of one of her many names. The sun's bright and she can't see who it is.

It's Jason and Olivia. They were just about to leave.

"HEY!!" She exclaims jumping up.

She hugs them both. Asking how they are and about Daisy. They catch her up lightly before she introduces them to the table. Colson standing up to shake Jason's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Man." Colson says.

"Likewise." Jason replies.

They pull over two chairs and sit down with them. Olivia congratulating Ashley and Luna on their perforce last night. They watch SNL every week religiously.

"You were funny as hell too!" Jason agrees complimenting Ashley.

She blushes while thanking them. Ashley's a huge fan of both of them.

Olivia and Jason stick around for the rest of brunch, catching up with Luna. Talking with the rest of the group.

Rook speaks to Patti and Joni about what it was like in NY in the 70s. Baze joining in on the conversation at one end of the table while the other end is ridiculous with jokes between Colson, Pete and Jason.

Finishing up, they pay their bill and hit the pavement. Still laughing they all hug and say Goodbye before going their seperate ways.

Patti hugging Luna extra tight, reminding her to call Kylie.

Olivia and Jason walk down the street headed home. Kate and Pete hop a cab, their going to catch an afternoon movie. Patti and Joni take a seperate cab to Annie's. While Luna, Colson, Casie, Benny, Slim, Rook, Baze and Ashleigh take three other cabs to the the brownstone to grab their luggage before going to the airport. Ashley and Dom are meeting them there after stopping off at their hotel to grab their things also.

-----------------------------------------------

They fly out of LaGuardia.

Ashley, Dom, Rook and Benny heading to LA. They rest of them returning to Cleveland.

Both flights are uneventful. Each group sitting and chattering with each other.

They all land safely at their destinations.

-----------------------------------------------

Back at Colson's, Casie jumps onto him.

"Pleeeeease Dad..." Casie gives him a pouty face.

"Yeah, please Dad." Luna laughs.

It's early in the evening and they wanna go to the skate park. Shaking his head and laughing he agrees.

-----------------------------------------------

Later, after Casie's in bed. Luna and Colson are chilling on his bed together. Opening Netflix on the laptop while she messes around on her phone, he grabs her plump ass cheek. Gripping it tight.