#My friends ex significant other is dying of cancer

[freebooter4ever]

.

[isfjmel-phleg]

I think there's a possibility that there's more to Joshua Terrill's story than the end of The Ray 1994 is telling us.

There is precedent for this from writer Christopher Priest. At the end of Priest's miniseries Triumph, it is revealed that Will MacIntyre's estranged father is dying of lung cancer. However, in the script for this issue, Priest includes this footnote:

[5]oh, and PS— I don't think Jimmy's dying of anything. I'll bet he had the records fixed. It might be fun to see Triumph's dad— who's way sharper than Triumph— again.

There is absolutely nothing in the text or art to suggest this. If I had not read the script, I would have had no clue that this was what the writer had in mind. So bearing in mind that there is precedent in Priest's work for big reveals at the end that remain unquestioned in the text but might not actually be true, I'd like to examine what the intentions might have been for Joshua Terrill's background. I do not have access to the scripts for this series, so I'll be examining the text and the art for clues that there's more to this story than Joshua's notoriously dishonest father is letting on.

In The Ray 1994 #28, the final issue, Nadine Terrill demands from her ex-husband "the truth. The whole truth. The entire truth. The true truth" about Joshua. This is the story that Happy tells her:

It was 1941. I was just a kid myself. And my life changed forever. I met my son. Oh, he tried to hide it--but eventually I figured out what I'd already suspected. My son--who had inherited fantastic powers from me--had somehow...accidentally...stumbled back through time. He became inadvertently responsible for my heroic career. [...] I met my son--and it gave me hope for my future. Knowing such a noble and heroic boy would someday come from my loins--follow in my footsteps--I knew--long before he was born--that Gayle and I would have a son. We named him Joshua. He was born in February of 1946. I thought he'd outgrow the dark hair--I thought he was the one. I was wrong. Joshua developed powers almost immediately. He adored his father--and his father loved him dearly. His powers were so vast--so beyond his own understanding--Gayle and I could barely control him. If for no other reason than to keep an eye on him, I allowed Joshua to fight by my side as the boy wonder called Spitfire-- [...] You see, Nadine--Gayle and I were never divorced. This...tragedy...the loss of your friend--it wasn't the first time. The powers seemed to overwhelm Joshua. Instead of maturing, he regressed. At age eight he had a four-year-old's mentality and logic skills. He was given to fits of terrible rage--he'd run amok and destroy whatever was in his path. I thought I could handle him. Thought he'd outgrow it--that this was just...just an adjustment period. I was horribly wrong. I returned from a mission late one evening. It was Joshua's birthday. He was eight. He was terribly disappointed when I didn't come home in time to celebrate his birthday. He flew into a rage. He unleashed his power. He destroyed the house...he killed his own mother... [...] Nadine--you've got to hear me out. You're right--it's time you knew--everything. I took Joshua to breakfast. I drugged his food. I locked him in a cryogenic chamber. I went home and hung up the Ray's costume forever. It was February, 1954.

I am quoting this in its entirety because the way Happy tells this story is significant. The way he words things repeatedly emphasizes that he wants to make himself look good here, make Nadine pity him, position himself as both hero and victim. We are not meant to consider him a reliable narrator.

There is precedent for this in the series and the miniseries that preceded it. Happy will unload backstories on Ray and leave out important information or just straight up lie.

He has tried to tell Ray that he's from an alien planet. He has claimed that Nadine died after Ray's birth and made a huge deal about how much he suffered losing his wife and then having to give up his son--only for Ray to learn almost immediately afterward that Nadine is alive and well and Happy's told her that their son was stillborn. Given an opportunity to introduce Ray to Nadine, Happy instead tells her that this young man is the pizza delivery guy. There are so many different versions of the circumstances of Ray's birth told throughout both series, because every time Happy changes it up a little.

This man is a chronic liar. What motivation does he have here at the end of the series to suddenly drop this habit and come clean? None, that I can tell. So we have plenty of reason to suspect the truthfulness of this story. The question is what's true and what isn't. We know that Ray time-traveled and was involved in his father's acquiring his powers (that's why Happy mentions thinking Joshua would outgrow his dark hair--the time-traveler son was a redhead). We know that Happy married a woman named Gayle in the 1940s and they had a son called Joshua, who inherited his father's powers. We know that Joshua was frozen by his own father and left like that for over forty years.

But is Joshua really the hopelessly out-of-control, rage-fueled, developmentally-regressed monster that Happy makes him out to be? For the answer to that, we're going to have to rely on what we can observe from Joshua's behavior, thoughts, and memories.

We first meet Joshua when he escapes from the cryogenic chamber after it has been disturbed by looters.

(The Ray 1994 #17)

He's very hungry, and he looks to specifically his father for sustenence--he's sure his father will feed him, "he always does." No connection of his mother with feeding him, which seems surprising for a child from a typical 1950s household. In fact, his mother doesn't seem to be on his mind at all. Again, surprising. If Happy's account is true, from Joshua's perspective, he would have lost his mother yesterday. He would still be upset about it. Or if he were unaware of her death, surely he would be looking for both parents?

He is very dependent on his father and looks to him for protection and as an example to follow. He feels he has to "deal with" wrongdoers the way his father does. He hates and fears "bad men" and "monsters," which are "evil," and his instictive response is to lash out violently at them. He seems desensitized to this violence. Where did this extreme fear come from?

Shortly afterward, Joshua has a dream (nightmare?) that doubles as a flashback to when he teamed up with his father as Spitfire. This is the only glimpse we get of his past that isn't filtered through Happy's storytelling.

Joshua, who at this point can be no older than seven, has been kidnapped by a supervillain, the very Silver-Age Dr. Spectron, and we learn that his father is "nervous" about him because "He's--a special child. This kind of thing's no good for him." Happy's lashing out at Spectron is comparable to how he responds to perceived dangers to Ray decades later.

(The Ray 1994 #18)

Joshua seems pretty shaken up as he struggles in Spectron's grip but has enough presence of mind to seize an opportunity to fight back. This obviously isn't his first rodeo. He's even quippy while doing it, like any plucky Silver Age sidekick, and he assures his worried father as they're reunited that he's fine.

...is he, though? Because his immediate response to seeing Black Condor, his father's old teammate, is to panic about whether this man could be a bad man or a monster. He calms down once his father reassures him that this is a friend, but it's interesting that such was his reaction to an unfamiliar man.

We also see that there is, at least ostensibly, affection between father and son, and Joshua clearly equates his father with safety and protection.

This flashback contextualizes Joshua's behavior when he wakes up. He has flown into a farmer's truck, full of corn, and he helps himself to some, using his powers to make it into popcorn, a "trick that his daddy taught him." This would require very deft, deliberate use of his powers, implying that he is capable of a high level of control over them--in this capacity, at least. But a dog startles him, and then police officers start shooting at this unexplained corn thief. Joshua immediately sees nothing but monsters and bad men surrounding him and panics. He is unable to calm down even when the farmer takes pity on him and tries to soothe him. In this fight-or-flight state, he lashes out, possibly killing the farmer and police officers.

Still on the hunt, Joshua tries asking a cow if it has seen his father. When it knocks him over, he gets angry, bursts into tears, and insists that he wants his father. That's when he runs into Death Masque, the video game villain Ray created who has been masquerading as Happy. Joshua runs to him with absolute trust and gets smacked aside. Death Masque attacks him, triggering Joshua's monster panic, and again the boy lashes out with his full power. As scared as he is, monsters and bad men must always be dealt with.

(The Ray 1994 #19)

By Christmas, Joshua ends up out in the snow in Colorado, trying to get Santa's attention with elaborate snow sculptures that he has created (with his powers? once again he is capable of fine control over them) and concluding that he must have been bad if Santa isn't bringing him his dad.

A couple, Brett and Leslie, find him freezing beneath a makeshift shelter and are concerned about him. Joshua doesn't see them as a threat. He is specifically uncomfortable with bad men, and, 1950s child that he is, he assumes, because of Brett's long hair, that he must be a woman. So he feels comfortable enough to go with them.

When asked where he lives, he says he lives with his dad. When asked about his mom, he matter-of-factly states that she's dead and in heaven. This doesn't seem likely to be the behavior of a child who lost his mom shortly before being put to sleep for decades. It sounds more like her death occurred long enough ago for him to get used to the idea and for him to think of himself as living with just his dad.

(The Ray 1994 #20)

Brett and Leslie track down Nadine, who sends them to look for Ray, who might be able to tell them where Joshua's father is, and Joshua uses his powers to fly the couple's van to Philadelphia. Once in Ray's apartment, he confides to Leslie his fears about monsters being there. She reassures him, and after that, he seems to be fine. He's not on high alert around this couple, and as they wait at Ray's condo for his return, Joshua seems stable and relatively happy and content to amuse himself by floating around upside down. He's even in enough control of his faculties to know how to answer the phone. He knows his full name, he knows his father's name, he speaks in clear, full sentences--is he really as age-regressed as Happy claims he is?

(The Ray 1994 #21)

Joshua's response to meeting a powered-up Ray is to classify him as a "bad man. Very bad man" and blast him. When Ray flies off with him, he lashes out when Ray tries to argue that he can't really be Joshua, and the force of his blast sends Ray flying far. But once Ray introduces himself, Joshua abandons any fear of him as a "very bad man" and latches on to this young man who must know where his father is. As soon as Ray is associated with Joshua's father, he is "safe." Joshua readily helps him fight a supervillain, just as he used to do alongside his father.

(The Ray 1994 #22)

...that is, until he gets startled and turns to Nadine's friend Sarah for support (women are safe). His monster panic gets triggered and he powers up.

During the ensuing fight, he is terrified--scared for himself, for Ray--but even from the backseat of Sarah's car as the women try to get him to safety, he's trying to help Ray out with blasts of his powers. Being the sidekick, even when afraid, is apparently deeply ingrained into him. But his attempts to help go wrong, and an increasingly stressed and emotional Joshua ends up inadvertently destroying Nadine's house trying to get Death Masque to surrender Ray.

(The Ray 1994 #23)

In an incident reminscent of the fight with Dr. Spectron, Death Masque gets Joshua in a chokehold, and he has to be rescued by Ray. Joshua appears none the worse, attack-hugging Ray and asking to see his father.

He still seems fine as the police question Nadine, as Ray gives him ice cream, as he goes to sleep in Sarah's car and gets put to bed at her house, worn out over his incredibly exhausting day.

But once asleep, he is tormented with nightmares of monsters, brought on the fight with Death Masque that probably also dredged up the Spectron kidnapping and whatever other array of traumas that have contributed to Joshua's fears.

(The Ray 1994 #27)

And when he wakes up in a strange room (remember, he was put to bed while already asleep), unable to distinguish reality from nightmare, he loses control of his powers and sets the room on fire.

His father, whom Ray has finally tracked down, comes to intervene, but Joshua in his panic believes that it's Death Masque again. He's not so much angry as he is terrified and alone and heartbroken. He's just eight, and it seems like the whole world is out to get him.

He inadvertently destroys this house too, injuring Nadine and killing Sarah.

(The Ray 1994 #28)

So he flies off in a blind panic. Ray flies after him, observing that when it comes to his powers, Joshua has "got no inhibitions. No gauge for how much power he's using. No thought about the consequences. He just turns it on."

And while this is happening, Happy gives Nadine his account of Joshua's history.

We have indeed seen that Joshua is capable of losing control of his powers to the point of inadvertently destroying and killing. But we've also seen that Joshua is not constantly in a state of uncontrollable rage, that he is capable of a high level of control over his powers under certain conditions, and that the loss of his mother does not seem to be a recent event for him. Something about Happy's story isn't adding up.

He claims that he and Gayle "could barely control him" so he had Joshua become his sidekick in order to keep an eye on him. But we see in the flashback that Joshua works well with his father, looks to him for what to do, and can use his powers to do things like pop popcorn, create intricate snow sculptures, and lift an entire van and fly with it from Colorado to Philadelphia.

Happy claims that Joshua mentally regressed from the age of eight to four and "was given to fits of terrible rage."

But although Joshua's behavior is quite childish and he certainly isn't an unusually mature eight-year-old, it's less clear that his behavior comes from actual mental regression rather than the effects of trauma. We've seen Joshua lash out, but it always comes from a place of extreme fear rather than extreme anger. This fear has consistently characterized this child since we meet him, but Happy doesn't acknowledge it at all.

Look at Joshua's face in this panel. That's not rage. That's fear.

And note Joshua's face in the panels accompanying Happy's claim that Joshua, enraged by his father's absence on his birthday, destroyed the house and killed his mother. Does this look like a child who just had a fit of rage? Is that meant to be an unsettling smile suggesting that something is very off about this kid, or is there more to this story than we're being told? I think it's significant that we don't see Happy's face when he tells Nadine that Joshua killed his own mother. Because there's a possibility that that's not the truth, or not the whole truth.

How did that house get destroyed? What really happened to Gayle? I would say that we don't really know. But I do get the impression that Gayle, whatever became of her, hadn't been in Joshua's life for a while by the time he went into that cryogenic chamber. And I doubt that Joshua is the uncontrollable rage monster that Happy paints him as.

I've seen it suggested around here that Joshua could be neurodivergent. I do think that that is very possible. But I don't think that we can definitively reach that conclusion based on the limited amount of information that we have. Joshua may or may not be neurodivergent in some way, but what does seem more definite in his behaviors is a likelihood of PTSD.

Joshua has experienced trauma. He was his father's sidekick from a very young age. He was taught and encouraged to fight with "bad men" and "monsters," who could and did seek to harm him. He was kidnapped at least once. And the person who allowed him to be put in these dangerous positions was his own father, whom he trusted and looked to for protection. Even by the standards of a genre of story in which it's accepted that teenagers regularly function as basically child-soldiers, Joshua's being Spitfire when he was younger than eight is excessively young and more than he could be expected to handle.

Signs of PTSD in children can include the following:

intense anxiety when separated from family members or around strangers

disturbances in sleep (unable to fall or stay asleep)

feeling jittery, “on edge” or “on guard”

easily startled, especially by sounds or sudden movements

excessive or illogical irritability

aggressive (or even violent) attacks on others

“flashbacks” (feeling like the traumatic experience is happening again; may include seeing or hearing parts of the event that are not really occurring)

inability to distinguish reality from thoughts or dreams

regressive behaviors (acting younger than their age)

These signs seem to be consistent with behaviors that Joshua displays, especially his nightmares, struggles to distinguish reality from dreams, lashing out when he feels threatened, and separation anxiety.

My guess would be that what actually happened with Joshua was that Happy, eager to train the son he believed would become a great hero to follow in his footsteps, took on Joshua as a sidekick very early in life. This was too much for a child of that age, and Joshua developed PTSD. Happy interpreted this as something being wrong with his child developmentally and, instead of seeking help for him, chose to discard Joshua as a failed effort. Perhaps he really did feel out of his depth handling his son and made an extremely questionable choice out of desperation. Perhaps it was a coldly practical decision. Perhaps some of both. And it's unclear what exactly happened surrounding Gayle. But whatever the case, Joshua is a severely traumatized child who needed help and failed to receive it from the one person who should have been looking out for him the most.

The last glimpse we get of Joshua is him sleeping peacefully in Ray's bed at the condo after Gaelon rescues him from drowning. He is presumably still depowered after expending all that energy. And he's in a place where he has previously felt safe, in the care of his brother, whom he also is comfortable around. We don't find out what happens to him, but since the note we leave him on is one of peace and rest, there's hope that he can eventually find healing.

And maybe some answers about what really happened the night of his eighth birthday.

Maybe, like Ray, he might abruptly discover someday that his mom has been alive this whole time.

We have no way of knowing for sure. Short of interviewing Priest and asking point-blank.

[flamingpen18]

Worthless Cheaters

I will never understand the mentality of someone who cheats on their significant other. If you are not happy in your current relationship, end it. Do the mature thing and end it.

I've been cheated on by my ex-husband. That doesn't bother me cus he was an abusive prick. He abandoned me and our daughter 10 days before her 1st birthday. I was happy he left. He soon became someone else's problem.

He cheated the entire 3 yrs we were married. He was caught by some friends who came to me. I couldn't get rid of him fast enough.

Now I am in the same boat again. My youngest daughter's father and I were together for years. I chose to stay with him for her sake. Make no mistake. I was miserable and was getting sick of being the only one trying to make the relationship work.

Of course, his texting other females and playing his immature games was what came out. Again, I was over it and him. My mother was dying from cancer. I had more important things to deal with. So, I never confronted him. I waited several years to tell him I knew what he was doing, that I had no feelings for him, and that I stopped giving a damn years ago. He had the gall to be offended.

Dude, your lying ass has been chatting/texting it up with other women and you have the cojones to get offended. Hell, I had the opportunity to be a slag like he was, but I chose to not lower myself to his level.

Our daughter is pissed that he cheated on me, and he lost a lot of her respect. I never want to do something so heinous that I lose my kids' respect. My daughters are the reason I breathe. If not for them, I don't know what I'd do, probably be in a ditch somewhere.

I don't have time to play Mickey Mouse games. No one can handle me, and no one is up to my standards. As a domestic abuse survivor and someone who has been cheated on, I have set very high standards. I'm perfectly happy being alone. Besides, I never wanted to remarry. I'd rather stab myself with a blunt spoon.

@helly-watermelonsmellinfellon

[briamichellewrites]

84

briashinoda: Check out my interview with Dr Phil.

Bria was speaking out for the first time about her trauma. People assumed she had not experienced any trauma because she grew up with two extremely wealthy parents. Her first traumatic experience was when she was a toddler and diagnosed with leukaemia. She discussed how it impacted her parents. They were in a difficult financial situation because they were just starting out as doctors after completing medical school and residency. They were on the verge of divorce due to the stress caused by her illness.

They decided to seek professional help in order to save their marriage. She had little recollection of that because she was so young. She discovered the truth years later. She was developmentally behind other children due to chemotherapy treatments. She did not learn to crawl until she was four years old and was in remission.

She then learnt to walk and was potty trained. It was then discovered that she had coeliac disease and was allergic to meat. She was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after beginning school. Was there a history of mental illness in her family? Her father was diagnosed with bipolar disorder that developed late in life. He had been an emergency room physician for several years. It was an excellent job for him because he enjoyed working with the people he met and assisting patients and their families.

His team began to notice that he was not performing well. He made mistakes and got frustrated easily. Previously, he was relaxed and professional. Her mother insisted on having him evaluated by a mental health professional. He informed the medical board about his diagnosis as soon as he received it. He later decided to retire because he was afraid of losing his job.

"Even in retirement, he struggled with mental health issues. He was hospitalised for 72 hours due to suicidal ideation."

"Tell me about the accident."

"They were returning from the hospital when they were struck by a fleeing motorist. They both had significant internal injuries."

They were hospitalised for a few days before dying from their injuries. She was married at the time and a regular drug user. She paid them a visit in the hospital, but she eventually chose drugs over being with them. They gave her everything, and as she grew up, they became close. She was too selfish to be present when they died. Even years later, it remained her biggest regret.

Jon and his band were watching the interview. She was completely honest about everything. Rather than blaming others, she accepted complete responsibility. They found out she had been raped by her ex-husband's drug dealer. After being taken to the hospital by her brother-in-law, she underwent a sexual assault examination. When she got home, she immediately became high on heroin. Until then, she had been a "functioning addict." She went to work as a model every day and never appeared to be intoxicated.

Her rape served as her breaking point. After a shoot, she broke down in front of her manager and brother-in-law. They got her help by admitting her to rehab. How long was she there? She stayed for twelve months because she needed to process a lot of trauma.

"I was diagnosed with both PTSD and bipolar disorder. The first year was difficult because I had to get through everything without heroin."

“Are you still sober?"

“I am. I have not used drugs since 2003," she proudly declared.

"Congratulations. What helped you?"

"My brother-in-law, Mike. To help out, he moved in with my husband. Then he stayed for nearly ten years. He and his husband have been extremely encouraging. They also do not hesitate to hold me accountable."

She also discussed fighting cancer twice, being shot, and getting engaged to Brad. She had nothing but positive things to say about Brad when discussing their relationship and breakup. She wanted only the best for him. Were they still good friends? Oh, yes.

"We have an extremely strong friendship. We were together for nearly five years and shared many experiences. It is difficult to let go of someone after being with them for so long. I had actually texted him earlier about my new kitten, Happiness. I was telling him about the adorable things she was doing and sent him a photo. He has not responded yet, so I am going to have to get after him."

Dr. Phil laughed. He enquired about her tattoo. She extended her arm. Stronger than a bullet. The tattoo served as a reminder to her that she could make it through whatever came her way. What did she want for herself? Forgiveness. She wanted to be able to look herself in the eyes and apologise.

Did she want to get closure? She certainly did. Jon had a new love for her. He appreciated her candour and openness. They were involved in a long-distance affair. He confided in her about things he could not tell his wife. Stephanie, his daughter, was arrested for drug possession after overdosing on heroin at college. It broke him. He felt as though he had failed as a father. Bria helped him see that it was not his fault. He was extremely grateful for her. She was open and honest with him, which he appreciated.

As a rock star, he had plenty of people kissing his ass. He missed her. They planned to meet the next time he was in Los Angeles.

Jason also saw the interview. He was moved to tears because he was so proud of her! He could never be as strong as she was. He hoped to make things right with her again. Even if they did not remarry, he wished to keep her as his friend. He wanted to apologise to her for involving her in his drug use. While he was wiping his eyes, one of his coworkers asked him who she was.

"That is my ex-wife."

"Damn. How did you first meet her?"

He laughed. "Our families were great friends. She is even more amazing in person."

They discovered through the news that she had donated one million dollars to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. The non-profit operated the National Sexual Assault Hotline and the Department of Defence Safe Helpline, as well as programs to prevent sexual assault, assist survivors, and bring perpetrators to justice through victim services, public education, public policy, and consulting.

She wanted to donate more money, but her manager stopped her. A million dollars was more than sufficient. The president publicly acknowledged and expressed gratitude for her generous contribution. She had the means to give back because she was worth more than a billion. Happiness demanded attention while she was speaking with her manager in the living room. She picked her up and petted her, getting her to purr. Thank you, human.

You’re an amazing person. Never forget that. – Jon

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[enamouredfae]

♡ Pick a Card ♡

What does the person you have in mind think about you!

This is a short and sweet pick a card where I look to tell you how the person occupying your thoughts thinks about you. These can be things they want to say, but feel they can't; the feelings they have for you, the fears and the longings that have to do with you; perceptions of you, etc. This can be a specific person you know or someone you will meet in the future, it can even be a part of you. You can ask about your future spouse, love of your life, twin flame, soulmate, ex, friend, inner child, past self, etc.

Before picking a card ask and meditate on:

"What does [person] think about me?"

then intuitively pick the pile(s).

Disclaimer: I want to remind you that most of the messages are very open to interpretation, and the first "clear" meaning of the message isn't necessarily the right one for you. For example, "i know nothing about you" could mean that they don't recognize you anymore or that you don't share enough information about yourself, but it could also mean that this person is a stranger to you atm. Pick up on the nuance that feels right to you. If you feel like a card isn't accurate or does not resonate, you are most likely right. Don't take the reading as fact. Trust your intuition, and do tell me in the feedback the parts that feel right and the ones that feel wrong, I'd love to hear different interpretations on messages too!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1 ✧ Leaf

leaving, fall, falling in love, drifting through life, lack of control, being pushed around, recipient, yin, withering away, slowly dying, depressed, walked over, easy-going.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Who are you thinking about?

introvert | same age | taller | whip | book | 11 | 26 | 2 | 8

they could be someone you had an argument with or an argumentative person in general, intelligent, secretive, they may have a higher education and be seen as an expert in their field, there may be a power imbalance, dominant, disciplinary, manipulative, you may have written in your journal about them, there may be a secret involved in this connection, using sexuality as a tool of persuasion, coercion into kink/sexual situations, knowledgeable in sex, secret sexual relationship, you may learn a lot from them, they could be a teacher, sexy, they could be abusive please be careful, you may not know them yet or they could be hidden from you atm, thoughtful, critical.

8 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 26th or the 8th. themes of the 8th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 8th house or Scorpio placements. you may have significant 8th house synastry.

11 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 11th. themes of the 11th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 11th house or Aquarius placements. you may have significant 11th house synastry.

2 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 2nd. themes of the 2nd house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 2nd house or Taurus placements. you may have significant 2nd house synastry.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

What do they think about you?

"i wish you tried harder."

"you've outgrown me."

"right person, wrong time."

"your expectations are too high."

"is it because i remind you of them?"

"you didn't seem interested."

Pile 2 ✧ Key

key to one's heart, locked away, hidden, protected, only few can open, key tattoo, looking through the keyhole, looking withing, treasure, opening up to the world.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Who are you thinking about?

ambivert | gray or blue eyes | younger | stars | moon | 16 | 32 | 7 | 5

divinely guided and blessed union, synchronicities are prevalent with this connection, feeling like the universe participated in you finding each other because of how unlikely or based on luck it feels, wish fulfillment, dreaming of/about each other, knowing immediately, being a muse, somebody well-liked in their job, popular, you may meet at night, you may know them from work or meet them on vacation, manifesting a person, feeling like a blessing to someone, hopeful, visionary, aquarius/cancer and/or 4th/11th house placements, 4th/11th house synastry, they may have a hidden side, famous, dream come true.

7 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 7th or the 16th. themes of the 7th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 7th house or Libra placements. you may have significant 7th house synastry.

5 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 5th. themes of the 5th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 5th house or Leo placements. you may have significant 5th house synastry.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

What do they think about you?

"i find pieces of you everywhere i look."

"our love is what movies, books, and songs are written about."

"please start putting yourself first."

"i don't know if i want to be near you, or to be you."

"i play the song that reminds me of you."

"i'm manifesting you."

Pile 3 ✧ Fleur de Lys / Lily

french, royal, pure, faithful, gardner, gold, feeling reborn, motherhood, 100 years of love, fertility, strong morals, growth, in bloom, spring/summer/fall, not a cat person.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Who are you thinking about?

different ethnicity/nationality | blonde | tattoos and/or piercings | man | lily | 28 | 30 | 10 | 1 | 3

they may identify as male, or embody a lot of masculine/yang energy, they may be older than you, very peaceful, you may feel like you can tell them any secret because they are very discreet, they may feel or describe themselves as a "grandpa/grandma" or dress like one, they may be very mature, they might've had to grow up fast, they can feel very serene and like a safe space, they could be the "calm" friend that you just recharge with, enjoying each other's company in silence, they may remind you of your grandpa/grandma, they may be a mentor, they may often talk out of experience or randomly say something very wise.

1 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 28th, the 10th, or the 1st. themes of the 1st/10th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 1st/10th house or Aries/Capricorn placements. you may have significant 1st/10th house synastry.

3 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 30th or the 3rd. themes of the 3rd house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 3rd house or Gemini placements. you may have significant 3rd house synastry. ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

What do they think about you?

"i'm scared of being vulnerable."

"i don't feel the same way you do."

"if we're lucky."

"i always check your horoscope too."

"you're romanticizing toxic things."

"you're my safe space."

Pile 4 ✧ Knot

balanced, harmonious, interconnected, interlaced fingers, hair knots, sacred geometry, synchronicity, self-sufficient, symmetry lover, 444, four-leaf clover.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Who are you thinking about?

green or hazel eyes | older | colourful hair | rider | child | 1 | 13 | 4

they may be a mailman or a delivery person, incredible conversations that can change your perspective on things, immature, naive, happy inner child, enjoys simple things, young, may be a student atm or when you meet, appears into your life with a new beginning, or causes a new beginning, they may be a very trusting person, could literally be a child (under 18), could come with huge announcement, constantly changing, unpredictable, hyper, could have a child together, may have met them during some sort of visit, helping them grow, may see you as a child, trustworthy.

1 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 1st. themes of the 1st house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 1st house or Aries placements. you may have significant 1st house synastry.

4 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 13th or the 4th. themes of the 4th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 4th house or Cancer placements. you may have significant 4th house synastry.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

What do they think about you?

"i know nothing about you."

"i want us to grow old together."

"cupid ran out of arrows when it came to us."

" i still think about you, i can't let you go."

"i'm obsessed with you and it's not pretty."

"i write you in my daydreams."

Pile 5 ✧ Fork

forks from twilight, great cook, picky eater, a pick-me-up, eating with a specific fork, collecting forks, separation, falling/sliding through the cracks, bifurcation, neptune.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Who are you thinking about?

brunette | straight or wavy hair | extrovert | woman | dog | 29 | 18 | 11 | 2 | 9

they may identify as female, or embody a lot of feminine/yin energy, friendship, loyal, dependable and helpful, humble, "bitch", may be very compassionate but also may be inclined to pitying people, may be a person who is blindly loyal to people that do not deserve their loyalty and love, "we accept the love we think we deserve", very giving and loves giving, golden retriever as a person, supportive, could be codependent, animal lover, a person in your friend group, or any group you belong in, wants to receive love, but even when they don't, they still give the other person their all, requires a lot of attention, athletic, active, optimistic, feels the need to help and people please because they feel like that's the only way they'll deserve love.

11 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 29th or the 11th. themes of the 11th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 11th house or Aquarius placements. you may have significant 11th house synastry.

2 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 2nd. themes of the 2nd house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 2nd house or Taurus placements. you may have significant 2nd house synastry.

9 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 18th or the 9th. themes of the 9th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 9th house or Sagittarius placements. you may have significant 9th house synastry.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

What do they think about you?

"please don't break my heart."

"i hate us."

"you're one more reason for me to stay."

"you hurt me."

"it's like I'm looking in a mirror."

"our relationship isn't balanced."

Pile 6 ✧ Dolphin

swimmer, psychic, sensitive to one's environment, perceptive, being able to read people easily, intuitive, protective, paranoid, healing, freedom, in tune with emotions.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

Who are you thinking about?

LGBTQIA2S+ | brown or black eyes | shorter | key | garden | 33 | 20 | 6 | 2

they may be the key to your social climbing, you may meet them at a party or social gathering, you may meet them when celebrating smth or in a venue, they may be very social and inviting, open-minded, party person, they are very important to you, they feel like a revelation, they may make you realize smth about yourself, opening lots of doors, they will reveal their secrets to you and vice-versa, they will open you to a whole new social group, opening up to the world, they may hold the key to your soul-tribe, one of the few people who could open you up, they see right through the facade you show the world, hidden treasure in a crowd.

3 or 6 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 6th. themes of the 6th house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 6th house or Virgo placements. you may have significant 6th house synastry.

2 might be their life path number. they may be born on the 20th or the 2nd. themes of the 2nd house in astrology might arise a lot in their life. they may have 2nd house or Taurus placements. you may have significant 2nd house synastry.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

What do they think about you?

"i've outgrown you."

"i'm longing for your touch."

"i won't change for you."

"i wish you knew how much you've helped me."

"stop trying to change me."

"together for a good time, not a long time."

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

[recurring-polynya]

For the AU request, whichever one(s) you prefer (for RenRuki of course):

the X-Men universe

the Mafia/criminal underworld

the circus

as FBI agents (the X-Files world perhaps)

So, I got this ask, and I immediately wanted to go for X-Files, because I was hugely into X-Files when I was a tween/teen, and I think that my actual first published work of fanfic on the internet might actually be X-Files. (I didn’t even post it myself, I was like 12 and I didn’t have the internet at home, but a friend of mine posted it on Usenet for me, I have no idea whatever became of it). Anyway, I was going back and forth in my head who I wanted to be Mulder and who I wanted to be Scully, and then I got this ask:

@ulkoilla​ said:

I though the 10 would be full in about 1 microsecond so I didn’t even try :D This is maybe not AU enough for the purpose but I'd love to see your take on Bleach world where the shinigami work among humans as if they were in gigai -> they'll have to balance the supernatural, perhaps violent elements of their life with the modern day laws and such (like in Supernatural). Renji and Rukia have ofc gotten in trouble with the non-supernatural law (meet: Detective!Aizen?) and are on the run…

It suddenly occurred to me, What If: X-Files World, but Renruki are the cryptids. And it suddenly popped into my head exactly who I wanted to be Mulder. Anyway, I am sorry missrambler, if I messed it all up, I hope you like it anyway.

Also, I somehow thought that I would save myself some trouble by combining two prompts, but then it ended up… really long. (Forty! Eight! Hundred! Words! Go to Talks-Too-Much-Jail, Polynya!!)

PS: This takes place in D.C. because it’s X-Files and also because I am familiar with D.C. and I never get to write about places I know about. A half-smoke is a local delicacy that’s halfway between a hot dog and an Italian sausage. They are delicious.

Read on ao3 or ff.net

👻     👻     👻

Ichigo Kurosaki had known that an office with a view of the Smithsonian might be too much to ask, but he had not expected to take have to take two separate elevators down to sub-basement C, and walk past a storage room, two broom closets and a weird old vending machine full of brands of snacks he swore he hadn’t seen since he was a child.

Maybe Agent Inoue has a huge lab, he told himself. Maybe it needs to be 50 meters below ground because she collides large hadrons down here or so that her work can’t be picked up by spy satellites.

He had to turn sideways to get past a rack of wire shelves full of banker’s boxes, but there, on the other side was a door sporting a handwritten cardboard nameplate reading “Special Agent Orihime Inoue.”

“Come in!” a voice called inside, just as he raised his hand to knock on the door.

Ichigo blinked twice, and then went in.

The office was cluttered, mostly with more cardboard boxes, but books were also stacked precariously on top of boxes on top of books. The walls were plastered with maps and graphs and photographs of hazy blurs in front of staircases. There was a large poster showing a UFO, with the words “I WANT TO BELIEVE” in block caps below it.

A woman with long chestnut hair twisted up into a bun and held in place with three pencils was hunched over a metal box full of diodes and transistors and other things you would buy at Radio Shack. Or rather, that other people would buy at a Radio Shack. Ichigo had never set foot in a Radio Shack in his life.

“Er, good morning,” Ichigo said, as the woman looked up and blinked at him owlishly. “Agent Inoue? I’m Ichigo Kurosaki. I’ve been assigned to work with you.”

“To spy on me, you mean,” Agent Inoue corrected, cheerfully shaking his hand with great vigor.

Ichigo bristled. Yes, he had been directed to ‘provide additional documentation on Agent Inoue’s activities,’ but that hardly counted as spying. She was known to be somewhat scatterbrained, and having an organized person around would probably be a great benefit to her. “If you have any doubts about my qualifications or motivations--”

“Oh, don’t take it personally!” Inoue replied, slotting a lid onto her electronics project, and attacking it vigorously with a jeweler’s screwdriver. “Just because you’re a spy doesn’t mean you aren’t a nice person. Also, I read your file, you have a very interesting background! Degree in literature with a focus on folk legends. Teaching at the academy for the last few years while working on your book.” She took a momentary break from her screwing to fix him with her big, soft brown eyes. “Tell me, Agent Kurosaki, what do you think happens after you die?”

Ichigo froze. “I would be buried? Maybe there would be a funeral first?”

Inoue started laughing so hard that Ichigo was sure he caught a tiny, adorable snort. “Sorry, sorry! I wasn’t clear!” She sniffed, and wiped a tear from her eye. “Do you believe in continued existence after the death of the body? An afterlife, religion-based or otherwise? The existence of ectoplasm, cold spots, spirit photographs, EVP?”

“Are you talking about… ghosts?” Ichigo asked hesitantly.

“Yes!” Orihime replied with a nod. “Ghosts.”

“We-elll…” Ichigo drew out. “I believe that people believe they observe certain phenomena, as part of the cycle of grief and--”

“Just say ‘no’ if you don’t,” Inoue interrupted him.

“Er, no. I don’t.”

“That’s okay. Are you good at carrying heavy things?”

“Am I... I guess?”

“Perfect!” She shoved the box into his arms, and Ichigo’s knees almost buckled under the weight. “Let’s walk and talk, I want to go get a reading over near Franklin Square before 9 am. We’re gonna pass a really good half-smoke cart on the way, do you like half-smokes?”

  👻     👻     👻

“Take a look at this,” Inoue said, her cheek half stuffed with sausage, jabbing a finger at the LED read-out of her mysterious box.

It was rather hard for Ichigo to see, because he was holding the box and the readout was on the other side, but he did his best to crane his neck around. “What am I looking at? The squiggles? I’m sorry, it looks like nothing to me.”

“Exactly right!” Inoue announced, waving her half smoke in the air. “Not a sniff of spiritual residue!”

Ichigo pressed his lips together. “Um… is that good?”

“It is interesting,” Inoue corrected. “Five days ago, a sixty-four year old woman had a heart attack while sitting in that bus shelter.” On every day since, I have been able to record EMF fluctuations, and on Sunday, I was able to get a voice recording that sounded like a woman reciting a grocery list. But this morning, nothing! Nada!”

“Well, uh, ghosts gotta move on eventually, right? Otherwise, just about everywhere would be haunted, right?” It’s not that Ichigo had suddenly started believing ghosts or anything, but there was something about Agent Inoue that just made you want to go along with her and see where all this panned out.

Inoue shot him a finger gun. “Or, they get moved along.” She shoved a folded paper map at him. “You can put that thing down.”

Ichigo eased the Spirit Detect-O 9000, or whatever it was called, to the grass and accepted her map. It was a street map of DC, meant for tourists, emphasizing all the local transit routes and popular attractions. There was also a great loop marked on it in orange highlighter, zig-zagging back and forth through the city. There was a little ‘x’ marked on Franklin Park, with “Tuesday, early morning” written in a bubbly hand.

“What is this?” Ichigo frowned. It didn’t seem to match up with any of the metro or bus lines. It didn’t even match with the sidewalks, it appeared to cut straight through large buildings like the convention center.

“As far as I can tell,” Inoue said, her brown eyes very solemn, “that is the patrol route of our local grim reaper.”

  👻     👻     👻

“So I actually got interested in grim reapers,” Inoue explained, once they were back in the office, “while I was investigating violent ghost phenomena.” She was eating a bag of corn chips that she had gotten from that ancient vending machine by punching it and then shoving her own arm up the chute. (She’d gotten Ichigo a bag, too, but he was too afraid to eat them.)

Ichigo was sitting at a cluttered table that Inoue had told him “could be his desk.” Half of it was taken up by a large aquarium full of rocks and a water bowl, but no life forms that Ichigo could detect. The other half was covered with back issues of “Ghost Hunter Technology” magazine. “You mean like poltergeists?” he asked.

“Not exactly. Poltergeists are noisy, but they aren’t usually able to kill their targets.”

“Kill? Ghosts can’t kill people, aside from, like scaring them to death,” Ichigo scoffed. “I mean, folklorically speaking. As we established earlier, I am not a ghost-believer.”

Inoue tipped her head to the side. “They do, actually, it just tends to get blamed on something else.”

“By ghost-non-believers.”

“By everyone, really, and that’s what’s so strange.” Inoue pulled a fat binder from a stack of seemingly identical ones, and tossed it open in front of Ichigo. “Edison, New Jersey, 2014. An elderly woman dies ‘of a broken heart’ a week after her husband dies of cancer. Coincidentally, a telephone pole falls on her house the same night and rips a hole in her house.” She turned a page. “Norfolk, Virginia, 2017. A young woman dies in what the police rule as a suicide, despite the fact that she made a 911 call 48 hours previous, expressing fear of her ex-boyfriend. Three days later, the boyfriend is dead of mysterious causes. Coincidentally, his apartment complex suffered significant damages from ‘a wild cougar.’”

Ichigo squinted at the pictures. The walls of the building were scored with what did appear to be scratch marks. “Hell of a cougar.”

“Exactly! And I’ve got dozens of these historic cases. But about four months ago, I was able to investigate one myself-- a young man named Joe Wallace. He lives here in the city, over near Dupont Circle. Wallace had cut off his toxic dad years ago, and refused to visit him in the hospital as he was dying. Four days after his father’s death, a truck crashes into his house in the middle of the night and then drives away before the police can arrive.”

“And he died.”

“No!” Inoue held up one finger. “Scratches and bruises, but he doesn’t die!”

“Okay, great. So what does he remember?”

“He remembers a truck crashing into his house.”

Ichigo scratched his chin. “I am confused.”

“Look at this!” Inoue stabbed a finger at the pictures. “These are claw marks, not vehicular wreckage! There’s damage on the second story window! Wallace had scratches and defensive wounds, as if he had been fending off an animal! And look here, at the damage to the walls of the bedroom!”

“What am I looking at?” Ichigo asked, squinting at a photograph that looked like it had been blown up past the point of recognition.

“There were cuts and slashes in the walls and bedding as though someone had been fighting with a sword.”

“Like a Medieval Times sword? Was the guy a Medieval Times enthusiast?”

“More consistent with a katana. Do you like Medieval Times?”

“No one likes Medieval Times.”

“I like Medieval Times. You’ve probably never even been. But back to the ghost! Why would Wallace remember a truck crashing into his house, when nothing about the scene is consistent with that story?”

“He was...lying?”

“His memories were replaced.”

“His memories were replaced,” Ichigo echoed.

“Yes.”

“By… aliens?”

Orihime heaved a deep sigh. “By a grim reaper.”

“A grim reaper with a samurai sword.”

“How on earth did you come to this conclusion?”

Inoue raised one eyebrow. “Because when I placed him under hypnosis, Wallace didn’t remember anything about a truck. He did remember a monster with batwings and a mask made of bone and his dead father’s voice who tried to kill him, except that he was saved by a tall man dressed in black. The man had bright red hair and fought the monster with a sword that was also a whip and then he wiped Wallace’s memories.”

Ichigo stared at her. “You can hypnotize people?”

Inoue gave him a long-suffering face. Ichigo had the sudden flash that he was going to be seeing that face a lot in the days to come. “Yes, I am a certified hypnotist.” Inoue’s phone suddenly started playing “Tubular Bells”. “Oops, that’s an alarm. Come on, we have a meeting with some important people. Do you like diners?”

  👻     👻     👻

Agent Inoue apparently did not care for public transit, but she walked very quickly. Ichigo was concentrating so hard on keeping up with her that he nearly collided with her back when she stopped very suddenly.

“You don’t mind if we make a quick stop, do we?” Inoue asked.

“You said the meeting was with important people.”

“Oh, don’t worry about them!” Inoue pursed her lips. “You see that bodega right there?”

They were in a part of downtown that was mostly mid-to-upscale restaurants and government buildings and FedExes. But sure enough, there was a dingy little bodega nestled between a Mexican-Indian fusion place and an Au Bon Pain, the windows stuffed with t-shirts from the last administration and a variety of cell phone chargers. The overhead sign read “Urahara Shop.”

“Y...eah…” Ichigo replied.

“That place is a hotbed of supernatural activity.”

“Is it?” Ichigo asked.

“I am almost positive that it is a supply point and meeting place for grim reapers, monster slayers, cryptids, alien hunters, and lycanthropes, but the owner is on to me.”

“I see,” Ichigo said levelly.

“Can you go in and pretend to be a customer? They have lots of good candy you can look through. Inoue dug in her purse and came up with a fiver. “Here. Buy a scratch ticket or something.”

“I’m not buying a scratch ticket, they’re a scam.”

“If the big guy is working the counter, he’ll glare at you until you buy something, so be prepared.”

As Ichigo pushed open the door, he realized he’d never actually agreed to any of this. Agent Inoue’s secret hypnosis powers, once again. Whatever. It was a bodega, there were a thousand of them in DC. They all had the same Nats t-shirts and coffee mugs with pictures of the Washington Monument on them. Ichigo pretended to be interested in a rack of comics. He tended to prefer indy comics over the big publishers himself, but even so, he didn’t recognize any of the books. Maybe they were by local authors.

Up at the front of the shop, a tiny, dark-haired woman was giving whatfor to the man behind the counter, a tall fellow with pale, straw-colored hair sticking out in tufts from under the saddest hat Ichigo had ever seen, a shapeless, battered bucket, striped green and white.

“Well, I can sell you a new battery for your phone, Miss Kuchiki, maybe that would help.”

“Not if it only lasts as long as the last one you sold me! I really need to get in touch with my partner, except that even if I could get my phone working again, his battery is probably dead because everything you sell is the same crap!”

“Ah, that’s too bad! You know, I think Mr. Abarai was in here a few days ago… I wasn’t in at the time, but Jinta said he came in, asking about…”

The man trailed off, and Ichigo glanced up to see the shopkeeper looking directly at him.

“...metrocards. But as you know, we don’t sell metrocards anymore.”

The woman made an aggravated noise. “You’re so useless! If I write him a damned note, will you give it to him if he comes in?”

“Oh, of course! Anything for you, Miss Kuchiki!”

The conversation trailed off as the woman hunched over the counter to angrily scratch out a note.

Ichigo stuffed the comic he was flipping through back on its rack. He skipped the enormous display of bedazzled flip-flops and started perusing the surprisingly extensive selection of gum.

“Here!” the woman finished and shoved her note at the shopkeeper. “You’re the worst, you know that?”

“Have a wonderful day!” the shopkeeper tootled, giving her a little finger wave.

Ichigo felt bad for the woman. “Er, excuse me?” he said as she passed.

She turned to scowl at him. For such a tiny person, she seemed to contain a remarkable amount of rage.

“Do you need to call someone? You can use my phone, if you’d like.” He held it out like an offering.

The woman blinked at him for a moment.

“I didn’t mean to be nosy! You were just kind of loud and you sounded worried about your, um, partner.”

“I’m not worried about him, I just need to find him.” Her face softened. “Thanks, Mister, but I can’t reach him on a regular phone. Don’t worry, I’ll track him down eventually.” She turned to leave, then stopped to jab an accusatory finger at Ichigo. “And that’s professional partner, not… you know! Whatever!” She stomped out.

What a strange, tiny person.

Ichigo selected a gum and walked up to the counter.

“Oooh, dragonberry lime, good choice!” the man trilled. “Anything else I can get you? Bottled water? Fanny pack? Spare phone battery?”

“I’ll pass,” Ichigo replied dryly.

“I imagine it’s against FBI policy to let a stranger use your cell phone,” the shopkeeper said sweetly.

Ichigo’s brows furrowed. “This is my personal phone. And how did you…?”

The man gave a chortling laugh that sent shivers down Ichigo’s spine. “Because headquarters is three blocks away and only an FBI agent would wear a suit that square.”

Ichigo took his change and his gum and shoved them both in his pocket. “Yeah, well, your hat sucks.”

The man laughed harder. “Doesn’t it, though?”

Once he was outside again, Ichigo handed Inoue the gum and her change. “The owner of that place is a creep.”

“The guy in the green and white hat?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s Urahara. You’re right, he’s the owner. Were there any other customers?”

“Just the short lady. You must have seen her come out. She was ripping Urahara a new one for some dodgy cell phone battery he sold her. I think she must have been NSA or something. She said she was trying to get ahold of her partner, but she needed a special phone.” As he said it, Ichigo realized it would be pretty odd for an NSA agent to be buying cell phone batteries from some shady bodega.

“No one came out,” Inoue replied.

“She definitely did! I heard the bell over the door ring.”

Inoue regarded Ichigo very seriously. “Agent Kurosaki. I was standing here the whole time. You were the only person who went in or out.” She looked at the gum. “Ooh! Dragonfruit lime! Do you want some?”

  👻     👻     👻

They were late to the meeting.

Two men were waiting for them in the back corner booth. One of them had pinched, pointy features and piercing blue eyes behind wire-rimmed glasses. His chin-length haircut was pretty dramatic, but not as dramatic as his pure white trench coat. A cup of black coffee sat on the faded Formica table in front of him, but it didn’t look like it had been touched.

His companion was an enormous, good-looking Latino who was shoveling pancakes into his face.

“Inoue,” the dramatic guy said. “Who’s this?”

“This is my new partner, Kurosaki,” Inoue replied. “Kurosaki, this is Uryuu Ishida,” she indicated the white trenchcoat guy, “and Chad,” Mr. Pancakes.

“Also known as the ‘Lone Archers,’” Ishida specified. “We are apolitical actors who are interested in revealing the truths that are regularly hidden from the general populace by secret forces that conspire within the machinery of the American government.”

“You can just call me Chad,” said Chad.

“Good morning!” the waitress said. “Can I get you folks anything?”

“Oh, yes! I’m getting mozzarella sticks! Do you like mozzarella sticks, Kurosaki? They’re so good here!”

“So’re the pancakes,” added Chad.

“I’ll just have a coffee,” Ichigo announced. He glanced at Ishida’s cup. “Black.”

“Double mozzarella sticks, please!” Inoue chorused. “And a cherry coke!” She leaned over to Ichigo and spoke out of the side of her mouth. “I’ll give you a mozzarella stick.”

“Do you want some pancake?” Chad offered to Ishida. “I never think to offer.”

Ishida waved him off with a hand. “Agent Inoue. At great personal peril, I was able to obtain a sample of the item we discussed.” He slid a small paper packet across the table. “There are two tablets inside, but one should be sufficient for your purposes.” Ishida leaned forward, his mouth set in a firm line. “I was cautioned very strongly against using this, unless one had a firm plan for handling the… consequences.”

“I understand,” Inoue replied, stuffing the envelope into her purse.

Ichigo wanted to ask more questions, but the conversation shifted very quickly to some USGS floodplain maps that Ishida wanted Inoue to obtain for him that were apparently not available from the public webportals, allegedly because of filesize. Ichigo could practically hear the air quotes around the word “filesize.”

“We’re going to look for Jersey Devils next weekend,” Chad explained, sounding pretty excited about it.

“There’s only one, Chad,” Ishida corrected. “It’s just ‘Jersey Devil.’”

“There could be more than one,” Chad shrugged.

Thirty minutes later, they departed. Inoue had an order of mozzarella sticks in her purse. Ichigo had an armload of backissues of the Lone Archers’ ‘zine, which was, conveniently enough, titled The Lone Archer. There was no doubt in his mind that at least Ishida was completely off his rocker. The jury was still out on Chad… he struck Ichigo as the sort of guy who just went along with Ishida’s nonsense because he was a good friend and also liked taking camping trips and doing layout for ‘zines.

“So what was that thing they gave you?” Ichigo pestered. The idea of that little paper packet had been burning a hole in his brain the entire time.

“You busy tonight?” Inoue asked, raising an eyebrow slyly. “Between 10 and 11?”

“What are we doing?” Ichigo asked cautiously, wondering if he would be able to charge his time.

“We’re going to try and attract an angry ghost.”

  👻     👻     👻

“Are you… sure this is… a good idea?” Ichigo asked for the sixteenth time, as Inoue focused the thermal camera on him.

They were in an old, abandoned lot that had formerly served as a Metro service facility. It was pretty spooky all on its own, filled with train cars too dilapidated for salvage.

It was 10:25pm. Inoue had set up no less than 17 different pieces of ghost detection equipment. Ichigo was questioning his life choices.

“You told me you don’t believe in ghosts. If ghosts don’t exist, then what could possibly go wrong?” Inoue posed.

“Well… that’s true,” Ichigo granted. “And, for the record, I still do not believe in ghosts. But in the Pascal’s wager sense of things, I am considering the ramifications of what happens if there are ghosts that exist, regardless of my belief in them.”

“And?” Inoue asked.

“Well, you said that these ghosts have hurt and killed people before. It seems like trying to attract one without having any method of, um, fighting it, seems kind of… irresponsible?”

“Ah, but you see, I’ve specifically picked this time and location to coincide with the grim reaper patrol routes I’ve been mapping out. Our friendly neighborhood psychopomp ought to show up just on schedule to fight the angry ghost for us. We’re doing them a favor, as I see it.”

“How so?” Ichigo exclaimed.

“It’s not like we’re creating an angry ghost out of nowhere. We’re just attracting an existing one to our location. We’re saving the grim reaper the trouble of having to hunt it down.”

Ichigo pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was it so difficult to argue with Inoue? Possibly because she was so incredibly earnest in all her beliefs, and all her arguments were in completely good faith, it’s just that her logic came from some other dimension. This woman has solved multiple, high-profile murders, including several that were ice cold, Ichigo reminded himself. So she’s quirky. I am sure I can learn a lot from her.

“Okay, everything is in place!” Inoue announced, placing her hand on her hips. “Go hide behind that pile of moldy seats!”

Inoue took Ichigo’s place at the center of her recording equipment. “Agent Orihime Inoue speaking,” she said, for posterity. “It is 10:28pm. I am crushing one tablet of a substance called ‘Hollow Bait.’” She crunched the little white tablet, which looked an awful lot like an Alka-Seltzer, between her fingers, and then made a flying leap for the rotting pile of damp, orange upholstery that Ichigo was crouched behind.

“So, just out of curiosity,” Ichigo started. “How long would we have to wait, theoretically, with nothing happening, before we would declare this a bust?”

Inoue pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Usually, I would give it about two hours, but if you’ve got somewhere to be, I don’t mind if you leave early. It is nice to have company for a change.”

“No, I don’t have anywhere else to be,” Ichigo replied. “I mean… sleeping, I guess.”

Inoue gave a charming little laugh. “I don’t sleep very well. And hunting for ghosts is more interesting than most of the stuff on Hulu.”

The way that she said it gave Ichigo the distinct impression that Inoue was, well, lonely. But that didn’t seem correct. She was weird, sure, but she was also friendly and talkative, and, er, well, she was extremely cute. Surely she had tons of friends.

“How’d you get into ghost hunting, anyway?” he tried to be conversational.

“Hmm,” Inoue hummed noncommittally. “Let’s just say there was an incident in my teen years, where my memories don’t match up to the property damage.”

Oh. Ichigo wondered if he should apologize, when suddenly, a cold chill ran down his spine and a sound like a roar echoed in his ears, except he didn’t actually hear anything. “Did you hear that?” he gasped.

“It’s the EMF detector,” Inoue nodded, scrambling for the reader and Ichigo realized he could hear a faint beeping.

“No, not the beeping, it was like a… a… scream…”

“You heard a scream?”

“I didn’t exactly…” Ichigo trailed off as he heard two more, coming from different directions. “There’s more than one. Monster screams. Not human screams.”

Inoue stared at him, eyes wide. “I don’t hear anything. Have you ever been tested for latent psychic ability?”

There was a sudden change in the air pressure, and a fetid, rotting smell, even worse than the Metro seats. Ichigo grabbed Inoue by the shoulders and rolled out of the way, just as the pile of junk they had been crouched behind compacted like it had been through a car crusher. Or smashed by a giant foot.

“Whoa!” Inoue exclaimed, trying to push Ichigo off of her so she could see what was going on.

Ichigo blinked through the night. He couldn’t see anything, but there was an area of space that looked thick and hazy, like it wasn’t refracting the harsh glow of the sodium street lights quite correctly.

“We have to get out of here,” Ichigo gasped.

“Can you see it?” Inoue asked, her eyes wide and excited.

“Not-- not really,” Ichigo replied, pulling at her arm. The air blurred, and Ichigo had the sense the thing was jumping at them. He could tell it was fast, but he couldn’t see it, he didn’t know what to--

“Howl, Zabimaru!”

It was both there and not quite there, a liquid blade made of glass and starlight, that snapped through the air at the invisible thing. The monster bellowed, and whipped around, charging at a dark figure standing atop one of the old Metro cars.

“Pick on someone your own size, ugly!” the man bellowed, and as Ichigo squinted, he realized that their savior was dressed all in black. He was tall, and his hair was pulled back in a spiky ponytail. It was bright red. He was also wearing sunglasses, even though it was the middle of the night. They were pushed up on top of his head, to be fair, but Ichigo had a feeling this detail would stick with him.

“You can see that guy, right?” Ichigo asked Inoue desperately. “The guy who’s fighting the ghost? The guy that looks just like the guy in your report?”

“There’s a guy?” Inoue asked. “No. Where is he? Can you usually see ghosts?”

“I don’t even believe in ghosts!”

“Well, maybe you don’t believe in them because you can see them and you don’t want to, did you ever think of that?”

“I don’t think now is the time to interrogate my personal traumas!”

Suddenly, there was another drop in pressure, and Ichigo had the sense of heavy breathing and sharp teeth. “Inoue. I think there’s another one.”

“Well, can you get the guy to come fight this one, too?”

“He seems busy,” Ichigo squeaked.

Something black flashed by his vision, and there was a loud crack and a sound of something screeching in pain. A second dark-clad person had arrived, landing softly on sandaled feet. There was the same unreality to her, a sense that she wasn’t entirely there, as well as a certain familiarity that Ichigo couldn’t place. Her sword was bright in the darkness, like moonlight reflecting on snow.

“Oi, there you are, you big dummy!” she shouted at the first man and Ichigo realized with a jolt that it was the angry woman from the bodega. “I’ve been looking for you for four days!”

“I had a problem with my gigai and maybe you should check your texts once in a while!” the tall guy shouted back. Ichigo refused to think of him as a grim reaper. A grim reaper would not wear sunglasses.

“My phone died!”

“Can we-- ow! -- discuss this later? I’m glad you’re okay, I missed you. Why are there so many Hollows in this train yard?”

“You’re such a sap! And the Hollows are here because some stupid humans got ahold of some Hollow bait.” The woman turned, and glared at Ichigo. Her eyes burned with blue flame, like the burner of a gas stove.

That would have been the last thing Ichigo remembered, if he had actually remembered it, or any of the things that came before it.

  👻     👻     👻

Ichigo was sitting at his desk.

Inoue was sitting at her desk.

The sun was streaming in the window. The clock on Ichigo’s phone read 7:12am.

Inoue frowned. She examined a coffee cup on her desk. She took a hesitant sip, and then made a face. “Why are we here?” she wondered softly.

“I hate to pull an all-nighter,” Ichigo said, stretching, “but it sure does feel good to be caught up on paperwork!”

Inoue regarded him. “Kurosaki,” she said, “how long have you worked here?”

Ichigo frowned. “Well, I guess this is my second day.”

“Right. So… how much paperwork did you have to catch up on?”

Ichigo blinked. He very distinctively recalled working through the night-- his hand cramping, the incredibly spicy Thai food they’d ordered, Inoue’s seemingly infinite Boy Bands of the 90’s playlist. “I… was helping you, I guess?” Come to think of it, why was he filling out paperwork by hand, anyway? His laptop sat next to him, the lid closed. It wasn’t even plugged in.

Inoue’s fist slammed down onto her desk. “Gosh darnit! They wiped my memories again!!”

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2007

18 to 19 years old. Things were slowly starting to get better and better.

15 honorable mentions, but this is still only a top 10. What an incredible, amazing year for music. My favorite hit song for the entire decade is in there! I think everyone already knows what that is because I am, in fact, extremely predictable.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Second to third year of my History studies. Met a great guy. So great, in fact, that I married him in 2019 because we’re still living together 13 years later. Got my first summer job but spent my first pay on driving lessons, because, again, I needed to get out of my parents’ appartment and knowing how to drive would be good to find a job. I had a much better access to internet. I still had great grades. Things were getting much better.

I stopped making my personal lists of favorite songs that year, and I had an mp3 player, which really opened a world of possibilities even if you could only put something like 40 songs on it, at best.

I was still reading Rock Mag a lot. As you can see, the biggest controversy at the time was what was emo and what wasn’t.

We were alright.

As far as non-elligible songs go, well there’s I Still Remember by Bloc Party (and the fact I can’t put it on the list is a heartbreak and a half) and basically everything from Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails. Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation all had pretty good albums too.

Here’s a metric ton of honorable mentions first!

Snow (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Perfectly pleasant song.

D.A.N.C.E (Justice) - Never understood why this was so popular. Still good.

Love is Gone (David Guetta) - Heyyyy another repetitive dance track, perfect.

Miracle (Cascada), Smack That (Akon), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) and Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - Still elligible songs for that year. Still great songs. Still not making the list.

Butterfly (Superbus) - I didn’t like this band, but I liked that song.

Thanks for the Memories (Fall Out Boy) - Same here basically.

Who Knew (Pink) - Not her best, but not her worst by a mile either.

Walk It Out (Unk) - Stayed in my head for days, I swear. I have no idea what the general opinion about it is nowadays. Maybe that’s a humiliating pick and I genuinely have no idea.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - I do, however, know that the fact this very nearly made the list IS hilarious.

Alive (Mondotek) - Laugh all you want about the tektonik phenomenon, this is still a banger and a half.

Sound of Freedom (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B) - Not as good as Rock This Party. That’s the only thing I can say against it.

Umbrella (Rihanna) - This is an edit because holy shit I forgot Umbrella. It very nearly made the list too. Sorry.

And now, possibly one of the best top tens yet.

10 - This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)

US: #32 / FR: #71

Almost everyone got the lyrics wrong. The title is way too long. I really don’t like this band of pretentious idiots; if you’re gonna be pretentious at least write about something more grand and epic than your own navel, and go all out (more on that later). Nobody ever really cared about their supposed feud with Panic! At The Disco. And, to make matters even worse, the singer looked exactly like the terrible ex I had punched in the face the previous year.

This is still a damn good song and it’s on the list instead of any of the honorable mentions.

RIP me.

9 - How To Save A Life (The Fray)

US: #24 / FR: Not on the list

You already know I loved The Fray. This song could have apparently also made the previous list but it’s on this one instead. It was overplayed. I still loved it.

8 - U + Ur Hand (Pink)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

In 2002, I bought Pink’s Missundaztood album and as you might remember this was the second album I ever bought in my life, right before the gigantic trainwreck that highschool was.

The fact that about five years (that felt like twelve) later, Pink was on the other side of that trainwreck, back in my earphones, just as energetic and fun as she was before, was nothing short of heartwarming.

7 - Je Suis Un Homme (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I’m not gonna beat around the bush. This song is terrifying.

Here’s a translation. Yeah, it’s about humanity destroying the Earth and itself in various ways, and it’s preachy, but holy shit, how can something be so bleak, so scary and still so catchy. It’s a mystery.

6 - Double Je (Christophe Willem)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

When I first heard this song, I genuinely thought that was also Zazie and I was like oh wow, she’s learned to have fun again after that bleak, bleak song.

But no. She only wrote it, and it’s sung by this guy. It’s relatable as hell (”When I grow up it’s gonna be easy, I’ll finally know what I am”, “Who’s fault is it? / I’m something and its opposite / Double me”). The fact that a guy had this kind of voice and that a ton of people loved it (enough for him to win a big talent show and make this the second biggest song of the year!) also did wonders for my dysphoria, by the way.

5 - Ta Meuf (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

This is a song applying the most obnoxious rap and hip hop clichés about gangsters (and guys in general) to a woman, and she ends up terrorising all the guys and they’re realising these clichés might, in fact, be really toxic.

It’s a great song about gender roles usually seen in this kind of music and instead of being preachy, it’s hilarious, and well-written (I mean, it’s Faf Larage, it’s a given, but still). Check it out.

4 - Relax Take It Easy (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

All hail the new king of pop. He was here to stay and what a breath of fresh air he was. This was very much his year in Europe as soon as the album Life In Cartoon Motion dropped.

My significant other absolutely loved this album and we listened to it wayyyy, way too much, and even with all the radio overplay AND the overplay when we were together, I still can’t get enough of this album.

3 - Love Today (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

Here he is again!

If this was any other year this would top the list very easily. What were the US even thinking back then to not let this guy chart. Why isn’t Mika a huge star over there too. What is your problem guys. Do you have something against fun or what.

Anyway, here’s possibly the best comment on the music video:

I mean. You’re not wrong.

2 - What I’ve Done (Linkin Park)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaand they’re back. And they’re once again topping my list. Lord have mercy on me. I loved them so much.

This was the first step into their modern sound, less raw, more U2. A couple of years later, when Lacuna Coil released Shallow Life, I used to joke that Lacuna Coil was trying to sound more and more like Linkin Park, that Linkin Park was trying to sound more and more like U2, and that U2 was trying to sound more and more like boring garbage and. I mean. I wasn’t wrong there.

My absolute favorite part of the song is at 2:24, when the music calms down a bit and the lyrics go “I start again / And whatever pain may come / Today this ends / I’m forgiving what I’ve done” and then the guitar explodes again. So powerful. Love it.

And now you’re probably thinking “so... Linkin Park was back, and with such a top quality song and it’s NOT your #1? After you put a Linkin Park song or a Linkin Park remix at #1 for three years in a row in 2002, 2003 AND 2004? What’s going on, Jo? Are you okay?”

Oh I’m more than okay. Friends and enemies, here comes the absolute best hit song of the entire decade and possibly of my entire life so far.

You probably already know what it is.

1 - Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance)

US: #59 / FR: Not on the list (shame on you French charts)

I know I keep complaining about stuff I love not charting, or charting but not high enough to make any year-end list, but... How was this even allowed to chart. Why and how did it end up on the US year-end list when so many more radio-friendly hits I loved couldn’t even scratch the hot 100.

I’m not complaining at all. I’m just baffled.

Play the first note on a piano and I’m already a wreck. Heck, I’m pretty sure everyone from my generation is. It was basically our very own Bohemian Rhapsody. It still is. Where do I even start.

Oh. I know. Look at this page from a 2006 Rock Mag, it’s gold.

Yep, they highlighted The Open Door by Evanescence and praised it, and were like “this is very risky and ambitious and we’re not sure you’re gonna like this” for The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Hilarious in hindsight.

A few months later, the same magazine was desesperately using double pages to interview them because everyone adored the album.

So in case you’ve never listened to it (I’m... not even sure why I’m doing this since I’m pretty sure even people who don’t like this type of music have tried to out of sheer curiosity), it’s a concept album about a guy (...possibly. I mean there’s a lot of trans and/or nonbinary hints in the lyrics and did you really NEED to make all of this more relatable? What the hell guys) dying of cancer, remembering all the good and the bad things that happened in his life, and since his fondest memory is seeing a marching band once as a child, death arrives in the form of a marching band. He then settles some scores with his friends and family, says his goodbyes, and... and doesn’t die in the end. He ends up surviving the whole ordeal, and the last song, Famous Last Words, is one the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. It’s so propulsive, uplifting and motivating. “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Holy. Shit. Sadly, it’s not elligible.

Welcome to the Black Parade is basically the centerpiece of the album, as you already know or might have guessed, but here’s the thing. It also works out of context because there’s already an entire narrative arc within this one song. It’s larger than life. It’s about death and the meaning of existence. It basically contains all the stages of grief, and the conclusion it reaches is that this guy will be remembered and therefore, he will transcend death. It’s full of rage and passion and triumph. There’s key changes. There’s tempo changes. There’s everything. It’s a rock opera in a single song. I put it on my mp3 player immediately after listening to the album, and it’s still on my mp3 player today. I never, ever removed it. I listened to it countless times and every single time, it feels like rewatching one of my favorite movies.

Best hit song of 2007 by a mile. Best hit song of the decade, hands down, and now that the 2010s are over, I’m pretty confident in saying nothing has topped it so far. I’d say “fight me” if I thought this was a controversial opinion, but it’s not even that controversial.

And that feels damn right.

Next up: Is... is this a list with actual filler? Are you telling us there was ONE mediocre year for music in the 2000s? Sounds fake but okay

[metalbatandzenko]

All of them. All the questions.

oof

1. Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I have sliding doors on my closet so it’s one open one closed.

2. Do You Have Freckles?

Nope!

3. Can You Whistle?

Nope (:

4. Last Song You Listened To.

I...don’t remember lmao, I think it was 6 Inch by Beyonce

5. What Is Your Favorite Color?

I don’t know if I have one tbh.

6. Relationship Status.

Currently juggling seven reply guys bc rona has everyone acting out of line, but single.

7. What Is The Temperature Right Now?

46º

8. Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Yes sdkjfhdlkf

9. How Many Followers?

215.

10. Zodiac Sign.

Aries/Aries/Cancer.

11. What Is Your Eye Color?

Brown.

12. Take A Vitamin Daily?

No.

13. Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yes, usually it’s Mitski or songs from musicals because you know. Former theater kid.

14. What Books Are You Reading?

The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch.

15. Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“As in earlier days” from the poem The Walk by Thomas Hardy

16. Favorite Anime?

OPM is the only anime I watch. Being Japanese American and fem aligned means having. Not great associations with anime tbh.

17. Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried in front of someone

WAIT YES I DO

It was November 23rd and my little cousin and I watched Over the Garden Wall. Both of us cried at the end.

18. Do You Collect Anything?

I have a knife collection and an old rock collection from when I was younger. I also unintentionally have a major makeup collection. My lipstick collection is borderline embarrassing. In my defense it started in 7th grade.

19. What Did You Have For Lunch?

I uh. I didn’t have lunch skfjhdsljfh

20. Do You Dance In The Car?

I do!

21. Favorite Animal?

Dude I fucking love crows.

22. Do You Watch The Olympics?

Some of them! My mom was really athletic growing up (as in one of those kids that plays a sport every season in high school), so she watches a lot of them. We tend to watch figure skating (which I know little about but have strong opinions on), gymnastics, synchronized swimming, track, and judo.

23. What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Usually I’m in bed by 11 but I don’t go to sleep until 2am. Recently I’ve been getting to sleep at 7am.

24. Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

It is currently three in the morning so no akslkjsahd

25. Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Ocean. I grew up in Northern California near the coast, and now I’m in a landlocked state. And you can kind of feel it, you know? The air doesn’t smell like salt and redwoods, the mountains aren’t there to hold up the sky so you just feel it pressing down on your chest. I miss the ocean.

26. Favorite Tumblr Blog?

I don’t know if I have a favorite. erikkillmongerdontpullout is funny and insightful, and I love dostoevskydocs’ poetry compilations.

27. Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

I grew up somewhere with access to really good tap water, so I’ll go with that.

28. What Makes You Happy?

Writing, spending time with friends, the feeling of dappled sunlight through the tree canopy.

29. Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

30. Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

With :)

31. Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs but I love cats too!

32. If You Were A Crayon What Color Would You Be?

Moss green!

33. PlayStation Or Xbox.

Xbox.

34. Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean. I don’t trust lakes.

35. Do You Believe In Magic?

I believe in the supernatural, I don’t know if magic’s the right word. It’s more like a belief that there’s something more to the world than what we’re able to perceive. 

36. What Color Shirt Are You Wearing?

Charcoal grey.

37. Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes! I can also make my tongue into a clover.

38. Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

A bit of both. I can be pretty frugal when I’m by myself but I inherited the need to pay for everything for my friends from my mom, so if my friends are around, I will try to muscle my way into paying for everything. This is usually unsuccessful bc my friends are in the same boat.

39. Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yes. I’ve got a pink water bottle on my bedstand.

40. Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

I mean. OPM lkjshdflkjdh I’ve been hyperfixating on it, but I also am pretty obsessed with OTGW (I have been for years).

41. Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

No but I’ve had a few land on me.

42. Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Depends on the person. Overall, I’d say no, but my friends have significant sway over me.

43. Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yes.

44. Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

I actually do. But only for short flights. Anything longer than 4 hours makes my body really hurt.

45. Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Moana.

46. Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds!

47. If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

Orville Peck or Carseat Headrest.

48. Are You A Picky Eater?

Nope!

49. Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Yeah.

50. Do You Fear Thunder/Lightning?

No, I actually love them. I sleep best when it’s thundering.

51. Do You Like To Read/Write?

Yes to both. I’m a Creative Writing major so dkljfhljkdf

52. Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yeah! Though not as loud as some people, my ears are sensitive.

53. Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents. I’m not a big fan of the smell of pumpkin, and wrapping presents is a tradition for my mom, brother and I. We’d put on some music, drink some hot chocolate, and wrap as many as possible. Then my brother and I would smuggle some wrapping paper to our rooms and wrap our mom’s gift.

54. Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Somebody that I Used to Know-Gotye (listen the song still slaps)

55. What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winter/Spring transition. It hailed for 15 minutes straight yesterday.

56. What Are You Craving Right Now?

A popeyes 5 piece spicy chicken meal with fries and ranch. Can you tell I’ve thought about this?

57. Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

I don’t wanna.

58. What Is Your Gender?

Nonbinary, but vaguely girl adjacent. 

59. Coffee Or Tea?

I think coffee. I drink more tea, but I also drink exclusively green tea and chai (like the traditional chai made with milk not the chai teabags) and I really am not a black/white/earl grey tea person.

60. Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

OOF Yeah I do

I’ve got a thousand word readers response to “The Other Boat” by E. M. Foster, a one thousand word journal about WWI, a reflective journal check in and a powerpoint I have to make for Sense and Sensibility for Brit Lit and I also am tutoring a few of my classmates

In my biological anthropology class I’ve got a Unit Exam and a few lectures to watch

For my internship/Teachers Assistant position I’ve got 17 10 page rough drafts to read and give in depth comments on as well as a portfolio I have to assemble for next year’s TA bc I’m transferring, phone meetings with the 17 students who wrote those rough drafts, and I’ve gotta compile some resources for my professor

I need to finish my memoir for my independent study and I have to present. my nonfiction memoir. to my classmates. on Zoom. I’m one of two people doing a nonfiction memoir for their independent study the rest are doing fiction, poetry or a literary analysis paper so like. My classmates are gonna be talking about their fiction piece and then I’m gonna be giving a 15 minute reading and Q&A about a piece that focuses on my trauma and being hate crimed so that’s fun.

I also gotta get some stuff done for my school’s lit magazine.

61. What Is Your Sexuality?

A known bisexual™

62. Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

I try to but I forget.

63. Favorite Pokémon?

Togepi, Blissey and Togekiss.

64. Favorite Social Media?

I hate to say it but it’s tumblr.

65. What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

If it’s longer than six stories, I’m not watching it. Unless I know they’re gonna be fun or we’re really close then I will.

66. Do You Get Homesick?

A bit. I’m still really homesick for my hometown tbh because that’s where all my family except for my parents are. I’m really close with my extended family, so being isolated from them feels like there’s an emptiness at my side.

67. Are You A Virgin?

No.

68. What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Redken Frizz Dismiss. I got those big fucking bottles you can get at Ulta where it’s like a gallon of shampoo so I haven’t had to buy any in over a year.

69. If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

I’ve slept in my car before and I will do so again most likely. Also $60 is too much to spend for a motel room.

70. Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes. Though I’m much closer to my mom than my dad.

71. Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Idk shit about movies tbh.

72. Do You Miss Your Ex?

One of them yes, the others no. But the one I miss I also acknowledge is someone who had their place in my life at the time and helped me through some rough shit, but no longer has a place in my life. I appreciate the hell out of him though, and we’re on good terms.

73. What Is Your Favorite Quote Right Now?

I’ve got two!

“I don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth” –Ophelia, Hamlet

and

"Suffering feels religious if you do it right." –Chelsea Hodson

74.  What Eye Color Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown. Especially the almost black-brown eyes.

75. Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Yes to both.

76. What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Chocolate covered pretzels ljhflfsd

77. What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Toon Blast and 2048.

78. Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Holy shit I hate this question. Yes, of course I would. I don’t know why mentioning that the person is homeless is relevant. Homeless people are not somehow less worthy of CPR?? What the fuck.

79. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

...yes

80. Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

I’ve briefly skimmed over someone’s page after meeting them but I don’t lurk.

81. Do You Like Meeting New People?

Depends on my mood.

82. Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

I hate my hands so this was pushing it.

83. Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed.

84. What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Corrected papers, walked my dog, did some writing.

85. What Do You Wear To Bed?

T-shirt and shorts.

86. List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

Dude I can’t do that I have too many, I’ve been buying makeup for 7 years and I used to work next to a sephora

My makeup routine pre-rona was:

Sephora brand moisturizer

Milk Hydrogrip primer

Fenty Pro Filtr Hydrating Foundation

Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer

Anastasia Brow Definer

Glossier Cloud Paint

Fenty Sunstalkr Bronzer

Fenty Liquid Flyliner

Fenty Flypencil

Fenty Full Frontal Mascara

Fenty Glossbomb

It’s...an expensive routine.

87. Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night to early morning.

88. List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

I answered this one and I don’t want to reanswer it tbh ldkjfhds

89. Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I genuinely can’t remember any of my dreams right now. I remember a snippet of one where I was in a cave and I looked at the wall and I could see water running down it, reflecting in the torchlight but that’s literally it.

90. Favorite Soda Drink?

I’m a big pomegranate person, so Italian soda’s my go to.

91. What Sounds Are Your Favorite?

The sizzle of meat hitting a hot wok, rain, hail, thunder, the crunch of dry leaves. I also love the sound of Simone de Rochefort’s laugh. It’s so good.

92. Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.

93. How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty.

94. Name Something That Relaxes You.

Skyrim ldskjfhd

95. What Tattoo Do You Want?

I really want to get my family’s mon on my ribcage and my mom’s Japanese name somewhere. I don’t know how my pain tolerance is but if I can handle it, I’d want to get at least a partial sleeve.

96. Favorite YouTuber?

Polygon and Watcher.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

[aafroditee]

Any/all of the Robins!

Boy howdy do I love the Robins!! I could talk about them all day! 

Dick Grayson: 

The only cop that deserves rights.  

ESFP

Curly dark brown hair that's almost black, blue-grey eyes with long eyelashes, 

Lucky Charms are his favorite cereal. 

Has his own place in Bludhaven but still visits the Manor a few times a month to visit his bros. 

To me, Dick is in his early 30s. 

Scorpio Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Aquarius Rising 

Bisexual 

Loves all his siblings but Damian is his favorite. He feels he failed Jason in the older brother department and wants to do the opposite with Damian. 

Hasn’t completely forgiven Bruce, but is on cordial terms with him. 

Wally West is his ex and best friend. 

The most sympathetic out of the Robins. Always there for them but doesn’t give them the chance to return the favor. 

Doesn't open up about his struggles as much as he should, a trait he inherited from Bruce. 

Jason Todd: 

African-American 

Nice fade that he maintains, has GREEN eyes and the white streak in his hair from being resurrected, 

INFJ

Doesn’t trust cops or any other form of authority really. Watched them abused their power when he was on the streets and he also doesn’t trust the government. 

I like the version of Jason that had to dig himself out of his own grave instead of the Lazarus Pit story line with Talia and Ra’s. So, he still has his autopsy scar and is insecure about it.

Claustrophobic

Has abandonment issues and pretends like he doesn’t

Doesn’t stop killing criminals,  kills the worst of the worst and doesn’t feel bad about it. Also kills the Joker and no one stops him,

Doesn’t try to run the criminal underground, tries to eradicate the criminal underground 

Genuinely loves Gotham City and wants to make it better 

Helps get kids off the streets and out of the gangs that take advantage of them, 

Him and Roy go after domestic abusers and help the women to get out,

Looks out more for the people of Gotham than running around after the costumed criminals, 

Dating Roy and is the best step dad to Lian Harper, 

Baby proofed his entire apartment and buys matching outfits for all 3 of them cuz he’s that dorky dad, 

Is the closet to Tim, got over that whole replacement issue when him ad Tim had a talk about it,  

Tried for a while to convince Tim to go to college because its something he wanted but feels its too late for him now, 

Jane Austen books are his favorite, has multiple special edition versions of Pride and Prejudice, 

He’s the guy that rants about how the book is better than the movie, even when his siblings didn’t ask, 

Makes a lot of literary references and gets upset at his bros for not knowing them,

Still has nightmares about dying and being tortured, has a hard time sleeping, 

Has the worst diet, but works out a lot to make up for it, 

Jokes about his death to cope,

Pretends he hates Bruce when deep down he knows he still loves him and views him as a father, doesn't know how to forgive him or fix their relationship though,

Never slept with Starfire or any other bullshit that happened in RHATO, 

Leo Sun, Taurus Moon, Scorpio Rising  

Unironically likes Green Lantern more than Batman,

Tim Drake: 

Asian-American

INTP

Black hair, brown eyes

Most intellectual of the Robins, lacks the most common sense also, 

Is smarter than Bruce Wayne, 

Listens to indie pop music that no ones heard of, 

Extremely lonely, doesn’t open up much to people due to having neglectful parents, 

Isn’t aware that he was neglected/emotional abused by his parents 

Hates school, graduated high school early and doesn’t bother to try to go to college, 

Finds it to be a waste of his time since he’s already doing what he wants to do, 

Would be most fit to be Batman honestly, 

Idolizes people in his life, such as Bruce, Dick, Kon, etc. 

Gay, but didn’t realize till much later in his life.

Greatest fear is failure, 

As CEO of Wayne Enterprise he did a lot to improve the quality of life for people in Gotham City, as well as redistributed a lot of Bruce’s wealth to the poorer districts. 

When his father died, he shut down his business and used the money to make the city better. 

Trains constantly to make sure he’s always ready and on top of his game, 

Drinks coffee quite a bit, but not like how the fandom thinks he does, 

Skates around the city while listening to lofi playlists to unwind, 

Is still Red Robin, not Drake 

His last name is Drake, period. 

Is older than fucking 17, In my head, Tim is like 20 now,  

Cancer Sun, Capricorn Moon, Libra Rising 

Him and Steph are still best friends, gay/lesbian solidarity 

Has a collection of Kon’s shirts that he is probably never going to give back,

Stephanie Brown: 

Biracial

Has a untamable mane of curly blonde hair,

Lesbian 

ENFP 

Dated Tim cuz of comphet but now their best friends and brag about their significant other to each other 

Meme Queen 

Dating Cassie, they share an apartment together and despite the fact tha she has a key, Cassie usually enters through the window 

Doesn’t trust people who hates purple 

Misandrist 

Doesn't like Bruce, but puts up with his since that’s her girlfriends dad, 

One of best fighters since she gets lesson straight from the legend herself, Cassie Cain, 

Gets along with Jason a lot and helps him to track down and beat up abusers 

Doesn’t trust cops either, 

Currently enrolled in college, wants to become a nurse so she can help people in a different way, 

Atheist 

Leo Sun, Cancer Moon, Libra Rising, 

Really close with her mom, 

I don't have any headcanons for Damian. I don't like him that much. 

[alicedoessurveys]

VERY long survey

Where have you lived throughout your life? 

Birmingham UK

Do you find your job rewarding? 

N/A

What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? 

chocolate

To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? 

I enjoy both, but bagels.

Do you paint your nails? 

yes. although they're not painted at the moment because ive been cleaning the house so much the past couple days and its stripped my varnish off

What’s the last website you signed up for? 

a dating thing

Do you check your email everyday? 

yes, I cant stand having the little red number above the mail app 

Have you created any pages on Facebook?

yes but I dont have them anymore

Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? 

every subject, but especially maths and science 

What’s your favourite song by Dave Matthews Band? 

I dont know any 

Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? 

I dot particularly enjoy talking to anyone :’)

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? 

yes, we wondered around through the middle of Birmingham at 4am 

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? 

haha nope

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover?

yes

Have you ever had a panic attack? 

many, I had to drop out of college because of them 

Are you deathly allergic to anything? 

nope

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? 

nope

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? 

myself 

Is anyone you know really religious? 

my family

Are your eyebrows naturally thick? 

yes

Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? 

not physically sick, but definitely felt it. the worst experience Ive had with speaking was in college when I had to give a speech then teach a 10 minute class. my throat totally dried up and I literally couldnt speak. everyone just stared at me and I was trying so hard not to cry. longest 10 minutes of my life and as soon as it finished I legged it out the room and burst into tears. 

What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? 

Mary Poppins Returns almost got me but the last film to actually make me cry was Coco. That shit had me SOBBING!

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? 

yes 

Has a laptop ever burned your legs? 

not really, I put a cushion on my lap normally

Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow?

no

Who was the last person to flip you off? 

probably rhys, as a joke

Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? 

my dad turns 50 next week

Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? 

I have done a few times but they annoy me

Are you good at following directions? 

no no no I get confused very easily

Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? 

yes rhys 

From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? 

if I reach behind me 

When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? 

occasionally, it depends where I am and what im eating 

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? 

manual 

Are your biceps at all noticeable? 

they used to be before they went into hiding under a layer of fat 

Have you ever seen a walrus? 

nope

When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? 

no, I believe in the ‘what food is it’ and ‘how dirty is the floor’ rules

If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? 

yes. I was supposed to have gone on a camel ride in Tunisia ages ago but I was ill so we didn't get to go 

Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer?

they could be. the number of people getting cancer has gone up a lot since everyone has mobile phones 

When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? 

depends who it is 

Do you tend to jump to conclusions? 

yes. Im an anxious person so im constantly overthinking and I also find people really hard to read and can get

Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? 

yes my brain cant remember important things but when it comes to dates its like a sponge 

Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? 

getting a job

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? 

ew no

How long does it take you to fall asleep? 

about 15 minutes depending on how tired I am 

Do you crack your neck often?

no that freaks me out 

Did you have a weird dream last night? 

not that I can remember, I have been having a lot of weird dreams this week because im ill

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? 

everyone. especially when im at the theatre, im constantly watching other people and wishing I could act like they can or look like them or have their style 

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? 

both

In what way are you your own worst enemy? 

every way, I dont look after myself at all 

What activities make you lose track of time? 

sims

When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” 

not really 

Who do you tell your secrets to? 

these surveys 

Who do you live with? 

my parents and our foster kids 

When did/will you graduate? 

I didn't 

When are you moving next? 

I have no idea. probably never 

When is the last time you took a vitamin? 

this morning, im fighting a cold 

Why are you stressed? 

im not too bad right now tbh

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? 

nope

Where do you keep your birth certificate? 

no clue, my mom has it somewhere 

How many books are in your room?

a lot. I have quite a few on display and a whole bunch hidden away in my closet because theres no space for them anywhere else. I'll include some photos of the books in my room;

(the book on my bedside table in the second picture is actually a lamp that lights up when you open it)

Have you ever been IN a wedding? 

nope

What was the last thing you laughed out loud at?

probably my mom 

Do you have a nickname? Why? 

my family call my bongy or Ali bong, I dont know why.. (my name is Alice)

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? 

nope

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? 

my mom tells me almost every day but Im like youre my mom of course you would say that 

Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? 

no

Want someone back in your life? 

meh

Are you currently sad about anything? 

actually nope

Are you wearing anything shiny? 

my pj top has glittery silver letters on

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? 

very, I fall very easily for people who make me laugh

How many followers do you have on Twitter? 

198 (@alicethenerd if ya wanna follow 😉)

Do you sleep with the door open or closed? 

closed. I aint about letting those murderers and monsters just waltz straight in easy peasy 

Have you ever been to the beach? 

yes every summer since I was a kid 

Can you handle blood? 

nope

Do you pay your bills or do your parents?

I pay my own bills. no way my dad would be up for paying my bills, he already digs at me constantly about the fact that I live rent free even though I look after the foster kids and tidy the house more than he does

What’s your best friend’s middle name? 

Connor

Has any place hired you underage for a job? 

not officially

Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? 

yes

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? 

no

Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? 

no

Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? 

I hope to become wealthy enough to not worry about having enough money to put fuel in my car anymore and to be able to pay back my parents and grandad for everything they've done for me 

Do you remember your first time going to the movies? 

no, but my earliest cinema memory was going to watch Monsters Inc with my dad when it was first released 

Does eating breakfast make you sick? 

if I try to eat before a certain time yes

Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute?

not dying to nope

Book series you enjoyed reading recently? 

im reading eve of man atm which apparently is going to be a series

Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? 

I prefer lying on a blanket, I dont like the feel of grass and I dont like the bugs crawling around 

Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? 

yes, it doesn't have many stamps in because I lost the one that did have lots in and I havent been away much since getting the new one 

Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? 

nope

Do any of your close friends have children? 

no

What do you plan on having for dinner?

we already had dinner, we had chippy

Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? 

I only really like one meal 

Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? 

actually yes, literally a few weeks ago

Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? 

yes, my second cousin 

Have you ever played flashlight tag?

ive never heard of it

Could you call yourself a movie buff?

not really, im a huge movie fan but theres still a lot I need to see 

Have you ever had a piercing get infected?

never had a piercing 

Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? 

dad does it

Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? 

nope nope nope, my legs are not suitable for public viewing :’)

Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy?

not really no. my nan and grandpa’s house is always neat but not obsessively neat. my grandads house is full of clutter because my nan was a hoarder 

About how much can you bench press? 

I dont know, I havent lifted in years 

Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? 

yes

Is anybody in your family a carpenter? 

no

Are you avoiding someone? 

yes

Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? 

I dont have a boyfriend but if I did I doubt id call him monkey

What’s your favorite primary color? 

yellow #hufflepuffpride

What were you for Halloween? 

nothing, I didn't dress up 

Do you have any clothes from Walmart? 

nope, we dont have Walmart here

When did you get a Facebook? 

about 10 years ago 

What color are your eyes? 

green/hazel

What motivates you? 

happiness

Can you walk in heels? 

nope

When was the last time someone asked you your age? 

the other day, my own mother forgot how old I was

Do you keep a journal? 

not really

Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? 

never had vodka

Do you wear a ring on your finger? 

occasionally

What are you doing? 

watching ‘the greatest dancer’ and wondering if this survey is ever going to end 

What’s the last kind of soup you ate?

tomato 

Do you currently have a sunburn?

no. its winter

Who did you last text? 

my sister

Who’d you last call? About what? 

my mom, to ask her to come downstairs and let the dogs out because the baby was asleep on me and there was no way I was going to risk waking her up

Are you currently frustrated with someone? 

yes

Do you drink water or soda more often? 

water

Do you straighten your hair?

yes

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? 

today

What is your least favorite vegetable? 

all of them

Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. 

Rhys, Addison, Jacob

In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? 

IT

Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? 

I didn't really enjoy any subjects at school

When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? 

today. I had planned to deep clean the bathroom but I went super dizzy and had to give up half way through cleaning 

Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? 

I dont but I am seriously considering adopting one of our foster babies atm. I want to adopt anyway, theres no way I could be pregnant 

When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing?Describe it. 

I honestly cant remember, im due a shopping trip

Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female?

female

Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. 

not really no

Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? 

I would cautiously forgive him but I would also make sure he knew that how he treated me was not okay and that he really upset me and this would be his last chance. but tbh I think hes done with me so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nastiest thing you’ve ever done? 

I dont know, I dont like being nasty

Have you ever been in a lighthouse? 

nope

What colour is your shower? 

I think its silver, ive ever actually noticed

Where do you order your pizza from?

dominos

When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone?

few days ago 

Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? 

yes, im a creature of habit

What colour is your bike?

silver & purple

What word can you not stand to hear people say? 

the c word, I cant even type it

What room of your house are you in? 

living room 

What is the temperature in your city right now? 

9°c

When did you last use a post-it-note?

last week in the script for the show im currently working on 

Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? 

yes

Do you have a fan in your bedroom? 

no I dont like them, they make too much noise 

Who is the last person that you took a picture with? 

one of our foster kids 

When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam?

the weekend before christmas 

Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? 

not many

When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 

almost two years ago 

What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? 

I dont like salads

If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? 

all the time, Im constantly writing lists or reminders to myself 

How good would you say your memory is?

long term good, short term bad

About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? 

a few times

Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? 

multiple, we have plugs in and sprays and those automatic ones that go off every 15 minutes 

What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently?

done my laundry :’) im on my last pair of pants!

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? 

no

Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? 

not really, I dont like being too hot

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? 

no

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? 

yes, I love driving most of the time 

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? 

no

Do you like french fries?

yes

Have you ever eaten so much you puked?

not since I was a kid 

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? 

annoyingly yes

Would you rather go to Greece or France?

greece

[nostalgiaispeace]

1086.

Where have you lived throughout your life?

mostly VA Beach

Do you find your job rewarding?

yes

What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday?

-

To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels?

bagels

Do you paint your nails?

no

What’s the last website you signed up for?

dropbox.

Do you check your email everyday?

yes

Have you created any pages on Facebook?

yes

Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at?

math

What’s your favourite song by Dave Matthews Band?

-

Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to?

maybe?

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend?

not that i know of.

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed?

sure

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover?

yes

Have you ever had a panic attack?

too many to count.

Are you deathly allergic to anything?

enough to have to carry an epipen

Have you ever had a mouse in your house?

nope

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex?

not that i can think of.

Is anyone you know really religious?

yes

Are your eyebrows naturally thick?

sure

Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick?

no

What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed?

A Star is Born (I Think)

Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other?

yes

Has a laptop ever burned your legs?

no. just made them hot

Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow?

not that i can think of

Who was the last person to flip you off?

idk

Anyone’s birthday coming up soon?

my mom’s

Would you ever wear fake eyelashes?

no

Are you good at following directions?

depends

Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care?

yes

From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall?

no

When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap?

if i remember

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners?

manual

Are your biceps at all noticeable?

i guess?

Have you ever seen a walrus?

no

When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule?

no

If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel?

no

Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer?

idk.

When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too?

yes

Do you tend to jump to conclusions?

yes

Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays?

yes

Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing?

yes

Ever pop someone else’s pimple?

yes

How long does it take you to fall asleep?

depends on the day

Do you crack your neck often?

no

Did you have a weird dream last night?

can’t remember it.

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

no one really.

Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

both

In what way are you your own worst enemy?

in all the ways

What activities make you lose track of time?

reading

When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”

no

Who do you tell your secrets to?

no one really

Who do you live with?

Matt

When did/will you graduate?

2009

When are you moving next?

idk

When is the last time you took a vitamin?

idk

Why are you stressed?

life

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call?

no

Where do you keep your birth certificate?

idk to be honest.

How many books are in your room?

too many to count.

Have you ever been IN a wedding?

yes

What was the last thing you laughed out loud at?

the SAG awards.

Do you have a nickname? Why?

sure; people give them to me.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience?

Danny wasn’t that great once when I saw them on their last tour before Denis was their singer for a bit.

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this?

recently i’m sure; Matthew does.

Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm?

no

Want someone back in your life?

sometimes i do.

Are you currently sad about anything?

no

Are you wearing anything shiny?

no

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other?

pretty important

How many followers do you have on Twitter?

no idea. i don’t pay attention

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?

cracked

Have you ever been to the beach?

yes

Can you handle blood?

yes

Do you pay your bills or do your parents?

i’m grown and married fam.

What’s your best friend’s middle name?

Willow

Has any place hired you underage for a job?

no

Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school?

probably?

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon?

no

Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone?

no

Do you plan to become very wealthy some day?

idk

Do you remember your first time going to the movies?

no

Does eating breakfast make you sick?

sometimes

Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute?

no

Book series you enjoyed reading recently?

Lizzie Garner series

Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing?

no. i’m allergic to the grass....

Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it?

no

Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away?

no

Do any of your close friends have children?

yes

What do you plan on having for dinner?

i had pizza

Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting?

yes

Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone?

no

Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor?

yes

Have you ever played flashlight tag?

no

Could you call yourself a movie buff?

yes

Have you ever had a piercing get infected?

yes

Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to?

no

Are you a shorts wearing kind of person?

yes

Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy?

yes but like dusty. like i don’t think they ever dusted lol

About how much can you bench press?

lol

Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation?

yeah

Is anybody in your family a carpenter?

idk

Are you avoiding someone?

sure

Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”?

no

What’s your favorite primary color?

orange

What were you for Halloween?

nothing

Do you have any clothes from Walmart?

yes

When did you get a Facebook?

2008?

What color are your eyes?

brown

What motivates you?

God

Can you walk in heels?

yes

When was the last time someone asked you your age?

idk

Do you keep a journal?

yes

Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka?

yes

Do you wear a ring on your finger?

yes

What are you doing?

watching “Many Faces of Jane” (I think it’s called)

What’s the last kind of soup you ate?

idk

Do you currently have a sunburn?

no

Who did you last text?

Amber

Who’d you last call? About what?

i don’t remember

Are you currently frustrated with someone?

yes

Do you drink water or soda more often?

water

Do you straighten your hair?

yes

When did you last talk to your brother or sister?

rn

What is your least favorite vegetable?

all of them

Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often.

Paulina, Sami, Brittney

In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in?

English

Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at?

no

When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened?

my life.

Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent?

no; hopefully next year

When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing?Describe it.

last year; harry potter leggings and a harry potter sports bra

Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female?

female i think

Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it.

dresses

Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them?

idk

Nastiest thing you’ve ever done?

idk

What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently?

actually doing the chores i needed to get done.

Have you ever done something sexual that you regret?

no

Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you?

yes

Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it?

yes; no

Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret?

probably

Do you like french fries?

yes

Have you ever eaten so much you puked?

yes

Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance?

yes, sadly

Would you rather go to Greece or France?

Greece

[markgallacher]

DISRUPTED

A week before my best friend M– died, I had a dream where I was travelling somewhere with unidentified friends. We were flying somewhere and the last call for the boarding gate was announced over the public announcement system. But we were not at an airport; we were in Glasgow Central Station. The boarding gate was behind some sort of large internal building structure that was accessed through a small walkway. My companions had reached the walkway. They briefly called to me before they moved on with their hand luggage. I knew where to go - just over there. Over there. But the floor was polished and it curved. I kept slipping and trying to stand up. An alarm began to sound, like the sound effect from the LOST TV series, its volume and frequency increasing. I repeatedly tried to get my footing and then despair hit me, as I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I WASN’T GOING TO MAKE IT! – and then I woke up.

A week later, M– was dead. He was 46 years old. It had taken cancer two years to kill him.

M–’s illness started with terrible pain in his arm that turned out to be lung cancer – a tumour creeping from the top of his lung into the plexus of nerves near his neck. The doctors eventually managed to kill that tumour, but not before the cancer had metastasised to his liver. The cancer was aggressive. Eventually M– had tumours other places and his liver was gone. Along the way, he suffered all the physical distress, mental anguish and humiliation a fatal disease and its treatment can bring to bear on one person. It says something about the man that in those two years, he married, visited Germany, France and Italy. He renovated a house in the country in Denmark, went to music festivals, applied for citizenship for him and his kids, and kept his family and friends from total despair. I don’t know if he kept despair at bay for himself. I sometimes imagined he was like a boxer on the ropes in the 11th. Heroic and slowly failing in that cruel light. I imagined he was agile enough so that the worst of it failed to land the knockout blow. But there were callous uppercuts that hurt. The bell was never going to sound. And though we tried to hide it, there were gasps and anguished moans from the darkened stands, our distance to the ring dictated by the bonds that bind, the circumstances of our lives or just by how much suffering at close quarters we could stand.

It says a lot about M– that he threw a small party for his close friends two months before he died - when he knew he would die in a matter of months. There were seven of us. It was an idyllic summer in Denmark. Record-breaking summer days. Sunsets and sunrises ablaze. Time slow and lazy like a slack river. M– made a speech beforehand; we were gathered around the kitchen worktop where he was preparing the meal. He told us the end was coming and there was nothing we could do about it. He wasn’t upset about his mortality. He was really upset about leaving his wife and children behind. But he had lived a fuller life than most. He’d seen the world. And he was lucky that it would be the liver that would go first. He’d fall into a coma and not wake up. Not the worst way to go. No pain. ‘Now,’ he said voice strong. ‘Let’s have a party.’ And that’s what we did. Just laughter, wine, seafood, good music and those strange floating smiles people make when they are immensely happy and their hearts are breaking at the same time.

Just weeks before he died, M– took his wife and kids to Italy. In the photographs, he looks like a healthy, happy father. He does not look like a man who is dying and who will die very soon. Planned as a last trip with his kids, he was forced to cut the holiday short because basically, his body was done. But not his mind. Not yet.

Still, pain, meds, exhaustion. When he came back, the sense that things would go fast.

M– left a 13-year-old daughter, an 11-year-old son, a widow who’d only met him four years ago, his parents, a sister, an ex-wife and mother to his children who’d known him for 25 years, near friends, far friends, work associates and all those people who couldn’t help but like him. Circles of loss of decreasing intensity, expanding out from his disrupted timeline.

Fate so cruel, you wanted to throw rocks at it.

I had told M– repeatedly we would grow old together. Our sons would drive us to some cosy café where we would drink expensive beers in late afternoon sunshine and take satisfaction from our ordinary lives, discuss all the books we had read, the movies we had seen together. Then at some point, one of our sons would come back and drive us home. When M– was first diagnosed with cancer, I told him that I had written a letter of complaint and mailed it. He asked me for the address. M– told me about some of the treatment choices he was having to make. ‘Hard-core decisions,’ he called them. He was still defiant then. Angry. ‘Fuck cancer.’ There was no question of his dying. Two years later at 2 am at that last party, I embraced my friend and asked him how much time did he want – take it from me. A week, a month, two years. It’s yours. ‘I’ll take as much as you can spare,’ he said and smiled wanly. One by one, we were all embracing M– .

But now when I look back to those moments, I think the giving was all the other way.

In the days after his death, it’s me asking M– for strength. FB pictures, text messages, Messenger threads, brief smartphone film clips. Nothing is banal. All of it is rendered precious, poignant. It has become prophetic. Digital ghosts haunting my grief-stricken now. Even his music playlists take on significance that takes the breath away. Why’d he have to pick that song Waiting’ Around To Die? The desperate search for one more recording I’ve never seen or heard. One more message. One more SMS. One more digital illusion. In those first days after his death, I desperately followed M–’s stats: It’s now been 24 hours since M– logged onto FB. It’s now been three days since he played a song on Spotify. Months since his last SMS. A world ago since his last post on Messenger. I was aware that I could be losing my mind. That I actually believed, I was going to find a Ted Talk from Beyond the Grave delivered by M–.

For days, I hunted down pictures of M–. In many of them, he looks over his shoulder at the camera, easy smile, glass of wine, preparing a meal or about to speak.

The strange compulsion that you could travel back in time. Send a warning.

You could map M–’s decline by the frequency of my visits. Once every couple of weeks. Once a week. Once every three days. M–’s last week went fast. His life force seemed like a country-sized shelf of ice that threatening to cleave for two years, cleaves from the main body. His last hours a drift of coma and delirium, watched over by his wife and nurse. I visited him on what turned out to be his last Monday. He said how tired he was. I visited him on the last Wednesday, he could still hold a conversation but he was like a man behind a waterfall. I wasn’t always sure if I was only seeing the shape of him. His mind submerged, sank, and came back again, paler than before. Like the fading light in the gathering darkness of a coming storm. When I drove back home, my heart broke. I wept for M– and his wife and children. And I wept for myself because I was losing my best friend.

On the last Friday, I asked my wife to drive out with me, afraid I would not be able to drive back. M– refused to see us, his wife tearful at the door, with some boxes of old children’s toys and clothes we were to take to the charity shop. She couldn’t stand at the door for long. M– could not be left alone. Not now. We heard him call her name.

He died about midnight that Sunday.

I miss my friend.

- September 2018

[rask55bernstein-blog]

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[coolfoggytastemakercollecto-blog]

Encountering The Future Strongly.

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The Most Bizarre Thing You’ll Do After A Breakup, As Told By Your Zodiac Sign

Breakups can illicit some strange demeanor in people. Heartbreak can represent astounds out of even “the worlds largest” predictable people.

For instance, every breakup I’ve ever been through has suddenly constituted guiding my favorite pleasure. I hate ranging, unless, that is, I’m guiding from my feelings.

But it can get a lot weirder than that.

Here are some of the outlandish breakup demeanors you’re most likely to engage in, based on your zodiac sign.

Aries Develops A Sudden Attraction To Their Ex’s Roommate

It’s hard to tell whether an Aries is heartbroken or not after a relationship, but one thing is for sure: They will instantly move on to the next thing.

That’s simply their nature, but they prepare their views on is most telling influence. If they’re suddenly insatiably attracted to their ex’s best friend, well, you can probably bet that their moods are hurt. How can you tell? Because they’re running after something( someone) near and dear to you, and it’s all in an attempt to induce you pain.

Taurus Writes Song To Win Them Back. Fails.

Ugh, good Taurus. Watching a Taurus try to deal constructively with change is like watching a penguin try to fly; it’s not graceful. In knowledge, it’s sad.

They cannot accept that their safety has been threatened, and they’ll go out of their acces is striving to win their ex back, with zero dignity. They will go to imaginative spans that advocate they’re in full self-denial, like writing a carol for their ex even if theycan only play three chords on a guitar, cannot sing, and ought to have explicitly told they have no talent.

Gemini Moves An Unforgivable Number Of Unanswered Texts

It’s one thing if a Gemini has someone waiting in the offstages, but if a Gemini gets broken up with suddenly and without cause, they will have a significantly harder time.

They need someone to talk to, someone to report to on the details of their day, like when they’re go from the couch to the fridge.

They will continue to send their ex text like this until they find someone else to send them to.

Cancer But Wait, I’m Pregnant!

But wait, you’re not. You aren’t even a little bit pregnant.

Your period was just a day or two late and you abruptly thought to yourself that this would be the thing that brought your horrifying, narcissist ex crawling back to you from his mother’s couch.

Thank your lucky tits it isn’t, Cancer. Your spirits have taken over. You do not want such person or persons in your life. Now move establish yourself some ice cream and announce it out.

Leo Leaves Ex’s Contact Info In Gas Station Bathrooms Across The Country

There are people who fall into a deep sadnes, and there are those who go straight to avenge. Leos will do both at the same time.

They will immediately channel their hurt fondness into covert acts of retribution that they’ll take to the mausoleum with them, because they’re above this sort of concept or at least they’d like beings to think so.

Virgo Runs Out Of Way To DoFavors For Their Ex’s Entire Family

Virgos go out of their method to be helpful to their exes during the relationship, both because it’s in their very nature to become themselves helpful, and because maybe on some tier if they can manufacture themselvesindispensable. When that fails, the Virgo might adopt a practice of helpful stalking, by offering their services to members of their exes family.

When the ex shows up at their childhood home, there’s Virgo, putting up shelves.

Libra Starts Talking Non-Stop About Their Personal Growth

Libras need things to look nice. They don’t want to be seen as a mess, so “theyre starting” immediately telling everyone what significant opportunities this was for their personal raise, while sipping their light-green juice with a yoga mat under one limb and a photocopy of under the other.

It’s enormous to focus on the positive Libra, but you’ve been wearing the same fitness robes for six months.

ScorpioCreates A Fake Facebook Page To Stalk Their Ex

If you haven’t done this, don’t lie. You at least thought to yourself, Holy shit, the hell is genius.

There is nothing you heartbroken Scorpios won’t do to pin your ex in a lie, or to psychologically infiltrate their brains with the intricacy of a surgeon. You need to understand just what various kinds of sicko would be crazy enough to rid themselves of you.

It couldn’t perhaps be because of your overbearing hatred or ensure behaviour. There had to have been someone else.

Sagittarius Buys A One-Way Ticket

Sagittarius will try to revolved the breakup intosomething more positive, behaving like they were just dying for this kind of exemption the entire occasion. If personal freedom was all you needed, Sagittarius, why are you leaving all of your belongings, loved ones, and busines behind to go live in a tent in Morocco? These are not the actions of a sane person. You might be unwell.

Capricorn Spreads Rumors About The Breakup Nobody Caution To Hear

Capricorns worry so much about their reputation that they feel having a relationship fail is a poor reflection on them and their ability to succeed.

This is not something they are unable have people fantasizing, so they are able to spread rumors in an attempt to save their ass and their look at the same hour. We had to break up because we are both such busy parties with so many successful campaigns in the works doesn’t even sound like a real thing, Capricorn.

Aquarius Make Very Odd Requests

Aquarians don’t have much respect for tradition, so why would that change after a breakup? Still, they are generally take on a uniquelydetached attitude, and often attain exceedingly inappropriate solicits after a breakup that they reckon clear them look over it, but actually don’t at all.

For instance, asking your ex if they wanna creating their new SO to dinner at your target with you and your friend six months after your breakup seems more like the setup for a assassination mystery, Aquarius.

Pisces Goes Into A Post-Breakup Fugue State

Pisces will literally walk countries around the world in a fog after having their soul ruined, unsure of what they are even doing or adding. They can’t even being accountable for their actions. The sensibilities take over, and Pisces becomes merely a ship of unbridled emotion.

Pisces, you will beg, plead, and mail naked draws unsolicited, concluding perhaps they just forgot how seductive “you think youre”. You will show up at their homes, call their moms.

They have not forgotten how seductive “you think youre”, they have not invited you to their homes, and their mommas scarcely know you. You need to sit down.

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