#JT: a little short for a 50-year-old | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bike42 · 2 years ago

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Banff / Calgary July 2022

Sunday, 10 July 2022

We learned the only real way to visit Lake Moraine and Lake Louise was by shuttle bus, as parking was limited to about 50 spots and people lined up for those spots before sunrise! The shuttle system is new this year, and we were skeptical about getting tickets for that as they said reservations had opened in April and filled up right away! When I checked last night, there were two openings for today’s 8:10-9am shuttle window. We were up early, and drove the 50 minutes to the Lake Louise ski area “Park and Ride,” just in time for our shuttle to Lake Moraine.

It was chilly when we got out of the car. It had been sunny in Banff, but clouded over on our way north. We already have seen that the weather changes rapidly here, but we felt prepared for anything! I put my down vest over two long-sleeved shirts, and added a hat and Smartwool gloves (always in my pack for days like today!). I also found some handwarmers in my pack – didn’t use them, but good to know they were there if we needed them!!

We had the worse driver ever driving the bus to Lake Moraine – it was as scary of a drive as when we drove along the road in Peru that was part of a landslide and in danger of sliding very far down to the river. This guy was not confident, stayed too far to the right, and surged with the gas pedal. We were glad when the ride was done and doubly glad that we had better drivers the rest of our trip (almost all the bus and Uber drivers we interacted with on this trip were Asian – Canada must have a been immigration system than we currently do)!

At Lake Moraine, we joined the tourists heading down the short path and the first thing we saw was a poster warning of bear presence. At the lake overlook, all we saw besides dozens of tourists, were chipmunks – and several canoes out on what looked like a chilly lake. The sun poked out, illuminating the beautiful blue-green color of all the lakes and rivers here. The glacial-fed alpine lakes in the Rocky Mountains are among the clearest (and the coldest) in the world. Fine rock dust, produced by massive glaciers rubbing against bedrock, stays suspended in the water, reflecting light and creating the turquoise colors.

Once we’d done the overlook, our options were (1) gift and coffee shop and the lodge, (2) Consolation Lake – about 4 miles out and back, or (3) serious hikes into Paradise Valley – about 20 miles of connected trails could get us over to Lake Louise, more than we knew we could do today.

As we started on the trail to Consolation Lake, there was a more serious bear warning – saying “Group Access is Recommended,” … it didn’t say “Mandatory,” but suggested that hikers travel in tight, loud groups of at least 4 people. I thought there would be enough people on the trail to constitute a “group,” but Jeff was hesitant. As I sat on a rock and tightened my boots, a pair of women walked by and entered the trail. Not only were they armed with bear spray, I whispered to Jeff that we could outrun them if we needed to, so I persuaded him to follow the ladies. We didn’t get far and there was a rock scramble across an old avalanche wash / stream. The ladies turned back, but others were coming down the trail from both directions so we felt ok on our own (just a little weary, walking the trail talking louder than we normally would). We got to a swampy section of the trail and I noticed the blueberry bushes weren’t in bloom yet, so I felt better knowing there would be no reason for bears to be there today!

As we neared the lake, something moving in the woods caught my eye and a marmot hopped along the rocks and crossed the trail fairly close to me. Moved like a cat!

At the lake, there were large rocks that had to be scaled – lots of climbing and jumping. JT held back and I went forward another 100 yards or so, but it was tiring work! There were about a half dozen people hanging out there, and we encountered about another 10 or so on our 2-mile hike back, so we weren’t entirely alone.

Perfect timing, we caught the shuttle between the lakes – a smaller bus with a competent driver. We had a snack on the bus, and it started to rain so we covered our packs and traded rain jackets for our top layers. I have a really nice Gore-Tex Arcteryx rain jacket that I bought for Kilimanjaro, but until today – hadn’t worn it in the rain!! Its quite warm, so usually I just hike with a poncho and umbrella in the rain. Today I got a chance to test it out and it was wonderful – water just ran off like on a duck’s back!!

We got off the bus in Lake Louise, and entered pandemonium. Hundreds of people just milling about on the shore of the beautiful lake, with the iconic Fairmont chateau gracing its shoreline. We started walking toward the Lake Agnes trailhead, and there was a trail behind the hotel with a serious bear warning – not just yellow (caution), but red! We joined the throng of people heading up the trail to the Lake Agnes tea house – the trail was as wide as a road, and fairly smooth – which was good with the number of people going up and down. My mind went away from bears as I was so preoccupied with people watching!! It was quite a multicultural scene – many languages heard, and many people not really dressed for a wilderness hike!

At one point, we were standing still for some reason, and we heard an avalanche occurring somewhere - we couldn’t see anything though and it wasn’t close by. We’d heard them before in the fog in New Zealand, which was really unsettling, even though the guide said “that’s across the valley – won’t happen here!”

It was a pretty hike, with views of the lake getting more awesome as we climbed. There was a cascade running from Lake Agnes into Mirror Lake – stunning scenery. Although the sun had poked out, the clouds were swirling as we reached Lake Agnes. We stood in the “take out” line at the Tea House and ordered tuna sandwiches, soup, tea for me and hot chocolate for Jeff. I waited for the food while Jeff went off to make new friends at a table near the lake we shared with a couple from Boston. We ate our lunch and chatted with them. They’ve been here more than a dozen times, and were knowledgeable about the trails – I’d wanted to take an alternative, longer way back … but Jeff was skeptical.

Just as we finished eating, a storm blew in – the temperature dropped and we had real rain, not just the drizzle we’d experienced earlier today. People scrambled – some back down the trail, some packed into the Tea House, and others huddled together under the roof awning.

We packed up and walked across the bridge to snap a few photos. My hands, even in gloves, were absolutely freezing – shocking, to go from lunch in a t-shirt to freezing in 10 minutes!

We started out down the alternative route, down about a hundred steps and then down a steep slope, now muddy and slippery. Jeff had the good sense to say we needed to turn back and take the main trail down, thankful for that!! We were at about 7000 ft, and heading back up those stairs was tough! But we went up and back down the trail and by Mirror Lake, the rain had nearly stopped.

We had a great walk down with fewer people, and were surprised to see dozens of people heading back up the trail! We sat by the lake for a few minutes, then headed out to find our shuttle. The shuttle worked well, with just about a 10-minute wait for our ride back to the Park and Ride.

We headed back to Banff, with a stop at the IGA grocery store (pandemonium!), to buy stuff for sandwiches and more yogurt and bananas for our breakfasts. We cleaned up, and had a glass of wine on our balcony, watching the wedding that we’d seen the rehearsal for yesterday (its not like we were being voyeurs, they rehearsed right below our balcony!).

We went to Prow for burgers and beer, then back for cribbage – another split tonight, but I’m getting discouraged!!

Total hike was 9.23 miles today with 1847 ft of elevation

Monday, 11 July 2022

We slept in this morning. I got up, did yoga, ate breakfast and took a nap. I guess we’re getting pretty good a relaxing!! There is a group from Backroads staying here as their van is parked near our room. Every morning, they’re gone early – off on some adventure. While we’re still disappointed that we’re not in the Yukon, we’re sure making the most of this!

We ate lunch on our balcony, then walked into town to see about renting a canoe. We’d stopped in on Saturday, and learned all the details then. We couldn’t paddle the Bow River, as it was at its banks and moving fast. Instead, they directed us to go up the creek to Vermilion Lake. We came to a fork and I directed Jeff to stay with the larger creek. Of course, it was a wrong turn. The guy at the rental place told us we’d have to portage over two beaver dams in order to get to the lake. We came to a downed pine tree, and figured we’d gone the right way, but true to form for us – we decided to see where it’d go! We both had to get out on the tree to drag the canoe over, fun challenge for us!! Then we came to two downed trees, one from each bank. It was a tricky maneuver, but Jeff steered us between the two trees – using our paddles to push off the tree, and branches to pull us along. We were high enough in the stable canoe that I wasn’t afraid of being sucked under the tree and into a strainer … but a kayak might have felt different!

We saw another series of downed trees and decided to give up. There had been a path along the side of the river, so we thought we’d portage the canoe back around to before the first tree. Jeff went to scout the portage while I stayed with the canoe. He was gone a long time and I became worried – he was talking to another couple that had also come down the wrong creek! We portaged the canoe – it was heavy and Jeff still has a bum shoulder from a fall in Greece.

I took over the stern after our portage – it had been a long time since we’d paddled a canoe and it was so much fun! The strokes I learned as a kid at Camp U-Nah-Li-Ya are burned into my memory!! Up the right creek, we easy hauled the canoe over the two beaver dams – nothing like we’d seen on the Mississippi!!

When we reached the lake, it was reminiscent of our Mississippi River trip with the multi channels and grass / wild rice. We carefully studied the landmarks so we’d find the right channel when we were ready to go back! The trip back was with the current, so much faster! We had wanted to take single kayaks instead of the canoe, but felt great to be working together and we enjoyed our time. I’d be lying if I didn’t also feel sad that we weren’t paddling on the Yukon River though!!

We walked back to the cascade gardens and explored the back gardens – interesting patterns of annuals, probably not enough of a growing season for many perennials! The lilacs are just staring to bloom, and peonies will bloom soon (they bloom in May for us).

We walked down the main street, and found a sports bar. There we ordered pizza, salad and beer and watched some of the Calgary Stampede rodeo on the large screen TV – amazing!!

We walked back up to our resort, cleaned up and relaxed. Jeff suggested we head to Prow for dessert, and we sat at the bar and tried to order a Brandy Alexander. The bartender wasn’t very experience (he was consulting the book for simple drinks), and we looked it up for him. He said they have a drink just like that (with coffee infused vodka, bailey’s, Kahlua, and some other stuff plus ice cream). We called in a “fail,” but it was interesting. We also had a slice of cheesecake, which wasn’t as good as their lava cake! Another cribbage split again!

Tuesday, 12 July 2022

Jeff had Googled “best hikes in Banff” and came up with a list of the top ten. From those, we selected the ones that would top out around 7000 feet, as above that is the avalanche threat zone with the level of snow still in the mountains.

On our drive to Lake Louise on Sunday, I spotted the Bourgeau Lake trailhead just about 10 km north of Banff, and that hike met our criteria: on the top ten list and 7000 ft at the top. The description in the Canadian Rockies Trial Guide we bought in Vancouver confirmed it was a good choice for us too.

The parking lot was nearly full when we arrived, confirming we wouldn’t be alone on the trail. We set out about 10am. The trail was wonderfully soft pine needle bed, with occasional rocks and roots – but mainly delightful to walk on. We didn’t have to get very far before the din of the highway was drowned out by the sound of moving water and the wind in the trees.

We arrived at a clearing with lots of broken trees, and I realized that a fairly recent avalanche or landslide had taken down the trees! I was long enough ago that the sunlight brought different flowers, but the way the rocks were arranged, you could still see how tough it was to reclaim the trail through there!

We were treated to numerous waterfalls and river crossings. There were several people going down, and others starting up with us, but just the right amount of people after the loads of them at Lake Louise a few days ago!

We climbed to about 7000 feet, and the trail opened into an alpine meadow that was just starting to bloom with glacier lilies and marsh marigolds - soon to be lots of berries. There were patches of snow here and there, and the trail was muddy in spots. We got to the lake, rock hopped across the river again and sat on a large rock to enjoy the view while eating our sandwiches. There was a little chipmuck that sniffed us out and same over. For some reason, he was chewing on the bottom of my mud-caked pole!!

It was three hours up for us, and just two hours down – we both felt good and were able to walk down at a faster pace than we generally do, and only took one break! We felt terrific, but were exhausted when we arrived back at the car.

It was a warmer day today. We expected coolness up at the lake, but didn’t need to put on layers today.

We drove back to resort, arriving by 4pm. We grabbed some beers from our fridge and hit the hot tub. There was a couple from Scotland in the hot tub, they’d just arrived but had spent the last two days at the Stampede so it was good to get their take on that. They own a horse farm, so had a particular interest in the Stampede! He was really hard for us to understand – she did a lot of translating for us! I didn’t have my glasses on and Jeff didn’t have his hearing aids in – funny how one sense being dulled affects the others! Soon two other (unrelated) ladies from Scotland joined us and filled us with tales of what they’d done (Rocky Mountaineer to Jasper). After an hour, we were all pruned up so we said goodbye and headed back to the room to get ready for dinner. We drove to town as we weren’t sure we’d be able to climb back up afterwards!

Since we had the car, we took the long way back which went by A&W since Jeff had been dreaming of a root beer float all day! Disappointing result, but a beautiful drive where we came upon a small heard of elk grazing along the road.

Beautiful evening, played cribbage on our balcony until it got too dark to see the pegs (split again).

Total hike was 10 miles today with 2326 ft of elevation

Wednesday, 12 July 2022

Another lazy morning, finished up breakfast about 10am, and walked down the hill to town to rent bikes. We’d stopped in last night to check it out, and today a helpful clerk gave us great suggestions on possible rides.

We headed out of town towards Lake Minnewanka (a huge reservoir with two dams). Along the way, we stopped at Two Jack Lake, where many people were out on the water in kayaks and SUPs. We rode a nice bike trail out of town, and highway around the lakes – traffic was light and respectful, and the road surface was good but hilly! There were a number of bus tours, and the tourists would jump out for a few photos at a viewpoint, and back in to speed off to the next stop. Much better to be enjoying it from the seat of a bicycle!!

We’d stopped once for me to adjust the height of my bike seat and Jeff noted a large herd of elk across the meadow. Might have missed them if we hadn’t stopped. As we approached the Lake Minnewanka dam, cars were pulling over suddenly in the way that generally signals an animal sighting. I was praying it wasn’t a bear! Turned out to be a mountain goat, running along the shoulder towards us. I grabbed my phone and started recording a movie. I figured if he/she attacked me, at least I’d get a recording of it. He ran right past me, and past Jeff too – its still a great recording and I’m glad there was no attack!!

I was surprised to see a boat concession and snack shop as we neared Lake Minnewanka. There were a lot of people there, and we sat on a bench and ate our sandwiches and watched tourists trying to kayak against the wind, and others doing donuts in rented little boats?!

We rode back to Banff, mostly downhill and fun – with the exception of melting snow creating a river across the road – so cold when that water hit my back!! We locked up the bikes and walked to an ice cream shop, then back for another 10 miles on the golf course loop. That route brought us through a really cool path along the lake with local art in nature exhibits, and to the Bow River rapids and waterfall – whoa! Made me glad we didn’t paddle our canoe down this way the other day!!

We turned the bikes in and walked back to our resort for showers and a rest, the we drove back to town for dinner at a chaotic Greek restaurant, but good food. We ended our dinner with baklava and Metaxa.

Back to our room for cribbage - my slump continues, JT won both games with a skunk the second game, puts him up 9 to 4 for the series!

Total mileage today = 27.5 miles, 919 feet of elevation gain (4956 max)

Thursday, 13 July 2022

Another lazy morning, yoga and breakfast in the room. We researched how to run the Roam shuttle bus to Banff Upper Hot Springs, and downloaded the app with tickets to Jeff’s phone. We were headed to another hike that met our criteria: on the list, and tops out at the snow line!

We got on the bus early, and before we left downtown Banff, it was packed with standing room early. About half of the bus got off at the Hot Springs stop – a few of us to hike, the rest headed to the Hot Springs. The rest were likely riding to the next stop to take the gondola to the top ($70 round trip!).

We headed out on the Sulphur Mountain trail, zigzagging under the gondola. Two German couples started out just after us, and passed us moving pretty fast. A few switchbacks later, we found the two ladies sitting down and gasping, and the two guys trying to decide what to do. The ladies and one guy turned back, the other guy set off again at a quick pace, but after about 15 minutes we saw him heading down too.

It was a fairly steep incline, and a hot day - more work than I had anticipated it would be!

When we got to the top, it was a bit of a surreal environment with hundreds of families that had ridden to the top! At the top was a multistory facility with a restaurant, cafe, gift shop, and interactive displays including a small theatre.

We sat on the deck and ate our sandwiches and fruit, enjoying the scenery and people watching. After our lunch, we hiked the 0.6 km boardwalk hike to Sanson Peak (7500 ft), along with the gondola throngs! Our book calls this the “most lavish alpine trail in Canada,” an apt description!!People of all nationalities and body types! We’d hoped to take an alternative path (old road that serviced a former astronomical lab, now called the “Westside Trail”), but were disappointed to see it blocked off with a threat of $25,000 fine for entering the area. The road would have been longer, and less steep than what we’d hiked up, ending at Cave in Basin where we’d have caught another Roam shuttle. Jeff didn’t want to risk his knees going down the steep incline, so we popped the $78 for two one-way tickets down – 8 minutes!!

At the bottom, they have you exit past the photo shop (they take a photo of you as you’re loading at the top), through the gift shop, past the Starbucks… felt like a Disney ride! We went out to the bus stop and waited 20-minutes for a super packed bus. We jammed into the bus anyway. COVID be dammed!!

We got off the bus below our hill, and walked up to our resort. We hit the hot tub again, all to ourselves this time. When we got back to our room, another small wedding was happening! We cleaned up and went to our last dinner at the Prow. They know us there now!!

Evening cribbage on the balcony- split again. After cribbage, we walked down to the meadow to see if the elk were out. They weren’t but we found a sign with the roster of wedding rentals! Back to our room, we packed up to get ready for early departure tomorrow morning.

Total hike was 7.88 miles today with 2437 ft of elevation

Friday, 14 July 2022

We left Banff about 8am, with a final drive through the town we’ve come to know so well. It was really an amazing week to immerse ourselves into Banff without a tight itinerary.

Leaving the mountains and seeing them in the rear-view mirror always makes me sad, but we’ll be back in the Colorado Rockies next month!

We drove to the airport and dropped the car, then walked across the street to the airport Marriott where I’d reserved an expensive room, but we know we’ll be out late and have a 6:30am departure tomorrow morning!! We were happy they let us check is, as it was about 10am. We got stuff laid out for tonight and tomorrow, then headed out to find the bus to downtown. I was in my new cowboy boots and we both had our new hats on – but we would have looked odd in Calgary if we hadn’t been dressed like that!

We misjudged the stop for bus 300 to downtown, so after it went past, we ran after it, caught it, and the driver was patient enough for us to figure out the ticket machine and we were able to board the waiting bus. We didn’t exactly know where we were going, so after about 30 minutes we were downtown and I was following the map on my phone and it seemed like we were heading in the opposite direction we wanted to go, so we got off and started walking. That was awesome, as we came upon a street that was blocked off for 4 blocks with a Stampede party going on! Reminded us of the Kentucky Derby as people greeted you in Louisville with “Happy Derby Day,” today they were saying “Happy Stampede!” Some ladies at an information booth gave us a map and schedule of today’s events at the Stampede, and a brochure on transportation so maybe we could find bus 300 after its over tonight?!

We walked down there street, stopped for a parade of people on horses, past the Olympic Plaza where a concert was going on, and followed the crowd into the Stampede Grounds. It was a hot day – not quite noon. The process at the gate was casual, and they didn’t much care that Jeff had a backpack with water bottles.

It took us awhile to get the layout of the grounds. We went into one of the pavilions and watched the “Canadian National Miniature Horse Show,” which was a little on the creepy side to me. Full sized adults being pulled in carts by miniature horses. But it felt good to sit out of the heat for a bit!

Next, we walked to the “Elbow River Camp,” where we sat in the sun and watched a spectacular “Powwow Demo.” Great drumming / chanting / dancing. Most enjoyable was a young man doing a “hoop dance,” technique that had been passed on from his grandfather.

From there, we headed back inside to the largest building, the “BMO Market, Western Oasis and Wine Garden.” We’d hoped to catch the Canine Stars “Dog Bowl,” but that showing was up to capacity. We bought fresh squeezed lemonade and sat and watched some of the presentations going on in the Market. Then we wandered to the back of the building where we found a fantastic nature photography display, a small stage with a talented singer, and the wine garden. We sat and had a glass of wine, then went to line up for the next Canine Star show (which did not disappoint) – rescued dogs taught to jump, catch frisbees, etc.

Back outside, we grabbed some dinner from food carts and found a small spot to sit on the grass in the shade while we ate. Then we headed to “Nashville North,” which was a large tent with musical acts, expensive drinks, and people watching that was out of this world! Pretty, young, scantily clad ladies mixing with rodeo guys. We stayed there until it was time to go to the evening show at the grandstand. The show started with Chuckwagon Races, which were really fun to watch, Indian bareback relay races (my favorite), several musical acts, the Young Canadian dancers, and a firework finale, the likes of which we’d never seen – it left us breathless.

We didn’t intend to stay for the whole show, but we were glued to our seats and didn’t want to leave. Of course, we felt differently about that when we joined the thousands of attendees streaming out! We got on a bus headed toward downtown, but it was so mired in traffic we went nowhere for thirty minutes or so. Downtown, we decided to get off and maybe walk to find the bus back to the airport. but it was already after midnight! A check of Uber showed about a 10-minute wait, so we called the Uber and a nice driver deposited us at the Airport Marriott about 1am. We took quick showers to wash the grime of the day off, and fell into bed.

4am alarm was painful, and by 4:30a we were waiting to check into our Delta flight. There was only one gate agent and we were 45 minutes there! The security line was long, but we got through without issue and had time to grab breakfast before our 6am flight to Minneapolis. We hadn’t had much to drink at the Stampede, but we felt hungover just the same!!

Throughout this trip, I really couldn’t shake the disappointment of not doing our Yukon adventure. We did a lot of great stuff and saw some spectacular sites. The Stampede adventure was one of the highlights for me – especially since I’d never heard of it!! The First Nation performances were moving, yet sad when you think of what the white man did to dissemble their culture. Its great that they’re able to share it with us in this way.

#calgarystampede2022 banffhiking

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gaudeixcc · 7 years ago

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Peleton News – Confessions (G18 Tour special – April 2018)

This year’s tour was a little fractured to start with.

JT, my honorable (although diminutive) co-chair has been living in Munich for some time, so has reluctantly lobbed all administrative tasks my way. He still of course has a pointy figure hovering over the keyboard most hours of the day to fire off a bullet-like reminder should any delegated task fall in to the overdue category.

My approach this year had been to further convolute the whole process by sub-delegating further down the value chain. This year RTA picked up route-planning duties, shouldering the full burden once Moley had thrown the metaphoric towel into the Gaudeix corner.

JT arrived the night before to settle into Hotel Mariposa and to busy himself ready for our arrival next morning, where, his welcoming party preparation of sundry nibbles, iced towels, freshly pressed mango juice and 6 flutes of chilled Champaign could be seen exactly nowhere.

Quietly bikes were built and readied.

I don’t with to appear overly-critical at this early stage, however I feel it is important to highlight areas where improvement could be made.

My first area of improvement relates to a mathematical ratio.

13.2 is an acceptable ratio.

60 is a completely unacceptable ratio.

Back in the day when I rode motorcycles for my thrill-seeking pleasure, the most expensive item of an accessory nature was the helmet. An oft quoted saying was ‘If you’ve got a £10 head, get a £10 helmet’.

I valued my head at considerable more than £10 and hence why I could be seen peacocking about the place in the latest stealth MotoGP inspired bonce-protecting loveliness from Arai, makers of the very best.

And the same is true of bikes and their bags.

If you’ve got a ratty old Trek which you equally be happy to see as landfill as opposed to nestled between your legs, then by all means bag it with a carrier from Tesco.

If on the other hand you have a carbonfibre creation, with composite wheels, electronic shifting and less weight than a fat sparrow, then for fucks sake, buy a proper bag.

Is there a correlation between 2 visits to a bike shop for fixing 2 bikes hurled into fifty quid bags?

Answers on a postcard…

Next year we are going to be introducing the video referee to dish out ‘after the event’ fines and tickets to offences against cycling such as this little atrocity.

Anyway, peleton delayers aside, we had quite a good tour from a reliability perspective.

No flats at all in 3 days of riding.

Not bad going considering the excess baggage about 50% of the peloton where wheeling about the place.

It can be a harsh life travelling with a pack of cyclists. As a group, we are generally slow to acknowledge quality but lightening-fast to highlight weakness.

This year’s theme was most definitely fatness.

It all started when Dripping decided to relax on day one and let his guard down.

The relief a fat Victorian lady must feel when at the end of a day grazing on mutton, savory puddings and broiled swan, she releases the strings on her corset, was probably how Dripping felt as he gently supped an ale whilst not ‘tensed’ or ‘sucking it in for dear life’ sitting quietly in the sun.

It was harsh and cruel for Mac to take a picture of Dripping at rest in such an unguarded state. The resulting snap caused almost immediate physiological damage, which was then added to by verbal slappery of the worst kind from almost all.

Macca’s boobs got a much lower level of attention than would otherwise have been.

But the real crime in the whole torrid ‘fatgate’ affair, was a quietly outed photo from Colchester Mac which showed what looked like a Michelin Man ballooned around a struggling Cannondale, legs bouncing hard off an impressive midriff as the owner snuffled and puffed his sorry arse up a hill.

That night James in a moment of shocking and completely unexpected kindness said to me ‘You’ve put on a bit of timber this year’…..

It’s about as nice as he’s ever been to me in the 15 years of friendship we have shared.

Ever.

Meanwhile, back in the Peloton, Whatsapp was on fire as fat Michelin man took a breather from cycling, sat down, drank a beer, guzzled food and then promptly took a micro-nap to allow his body to digest this latest onslaught of calories.

The peloton…. They can be mighty cruel to those built for comfort.

Anyway…let’s move on. Let’s talk compliments….

‘Love the tattoos’

‘You’re girlfriend is very pretty. The plastic she has had inserted in the chest area is both proportionally perfect and pleasing to the eye’

‘Nice denim’

‘Wow.. impressive steed’.

All of the above are probably good ways to make a hells angel feel special.

Alternatively, you could surprise the life out of him by slapping him on the arse as you cycle past at 15 mph…. showing shock and dismay on your face and general surprise that he hadn’t apparently heard your tinckly bike-bell.

I arrived at a stationary Peloton to find Macca being verbally abused by a very angry biker who was busy calling us all arseholes……. I mean he was right…. Must have been a lucky guess.

This was another visible demonstration of Macca’s intolerance to a good swathe of human kind.

On the flight out, Moley’s seat on the plane had been taken by a Turkish lady of more senior years and built like I will be if I don’t stop eating constantly.

She was resting up from the exertion of having had to climb the stairs at the rear of the bus and drag her cabin bag the 6 yards to her seat. The bag was then occupying Macca’s seat whilst she appeared to be cuddling it.

This was clearly a cue for some helpful soul to then lift it into one of the overhead lockers and help her out.

Macca, ignoring this cue like the plague, barked at her. He informed the startled greek lady that he owned the seat, not her bag, and would she kindly get a shift on and move it.

The plane went awkwardly quiet.

Trembling, the lady dressed in black wobbled to her feet and with oscilating bingo wings hoisted the bag upward. There was a moment or 2 when none of us could be sure the bag was going to make it. Like an Olympic weightlifter going for a PB, there was a pause, a grunt and then a final push… the bag was in.

Macca looked on in bland indifference.

She sat down, glazed with a sheen of garlic and thyme perspiration.

I think secretly Macca was hoping for an engine issue, a wayward turbofan blade and the exiting of the Greek weightlifter from the above-wing window seat.

He fumed quietly for most of the flight.

I suppose I should at some point talk about the cycling.

As with all these tours there is a lot to cover. But, as with most years, I generally can’t be arsed doing so and instead revert to the well-established highlights list.

So, here goes for G18, Malaga;

• Dripping confessing to having voted tactically in previous tours when it came to the yellow cap. Berlusconi-esque in its political nefariousness • C&N orange camo base layer • Mrs RTA’s contribution to the tour…. Can’t name it for legal reasons, but it went down exceptionally well • RTA’s ghost-like completion on date realisation • General higher standard of dress quality (although I still feel the shame and hurt from the explicit savaging I got from Dripping on the yellow cap voting paper… he went into enough detail to require and appendix FFS…) • Damo’s use of the back pen on photos • Whilst he did fuck all in his season of pink, Damo did at least sort out everyone elses mechanical catastrafucks whilst on tour • RTA’s route planning. Magestic. Simply nailed it to the floor. The pink was going one way only after 3 days of beautiful scenery • I hate losing. I especially hate losing to Dripping. I especially especially hate losing to Dripping twice. First time I made an error of timing. After having nearly lost a lung hunting down my prey I should have tailed his sorry ass for half a K before nailing the finish. I didn’t and paid heavily. Day 3’s mechanical was akin to running out of petrol 50 yards short of the finish line. I was running in the red and Drip snuck in and nicked my lunch. Absolute bastard. • Col Mac’s ‘Spam’ top • Macca’s deep-seated suspicion of foreign restaurants… he had me convinced that the preparers of our final meal where going to triple the bill, hack our phones, empty our accounts, spit in our food and quite possibly steal our children. What they actually ended up doing was serving us food which was simply sensational and probably the best meal I’ve eaten in the last 12 months, and then go on to charge us very modestly for it too. • Strange fact number 1. Everything edible in Malaga is cooked in beef fat. • Strange fact number 2. There is nothing wrong with 7 over 40 year olds drinking pink gin with berries in the glass. Completely hetrosexual and in keeping with the modern men we are. (On reflection, I think Colchester Mac way have swerved the gin actually) • If I have to hear one more bloody time about how good wahoo is…… you didn’t invent the fucking thing for the love of sweet baby Jesus… • Shit Garmins • The descent on day 3…on day one going up it I nearly died…. On day 3 coming down I could have cried…. Probably the best descent this peloton has tasted. • This year’s tour caps…. Top quality. • A vintage year that saw our first triple-cap…. ! Yes, my (well deserved) orange nailed a hat trick of caps (although only 2 physical caps probably maketh the point moot). • Desire takes many forms. But few have the strength and longing that have been displayed with the force of a Dripping wanting yellow. He may have ‘bought’ the cap, but god it was worth it to see his little face!! • Murdering 9 oranges to make 1 drink

And finally, whilst we have our highlights list, we also have a lowlights list. This one is my own personal list…. Only 2 entries… and neither of them spotted or witnessed by the Peloton;

1. On unpacking my bike and reassembling, somehow my fat fucking fingers and squinty eyesight have managed to crush the Di2 cable that runs the front mech…. FFS… bike now on turbo in just the little ring…. Horrible humble and apologetic call to Damo/Amy coming shortly. I can actually feel Damo’s eyebrows raise as he reads this…. (and can actually here him say ‘well you’re a fucking idiot aren’t you’…..) 2. Do you know what Raybans hitting tarmac at 20 mph sound like? No? It took me a while to figure it out too…. Well, 10 miles worth of fast riding to be precise…. And then I sulked quietly for 20 mins when I realised that day 2 would be the last time I went our armed with more than one pair of sunnies…… I kepy it quiet because Trusler would have definitely shit himself laughing at that one…..

So there we have it. Drip and Mac need new bike bags if they are to show their cycling faces ever again, Macca needs to take a tolerance pill twice daily, Damo needs to tut in my general direction, JT needs to not mention sunnies to me ever again, Moley needs to get his shit together in readiness for G19 and RTA needs to take a well deserved bow to a round of applause from the Peloton.

Malaga, G18…. Magic.

Hoppo

#PelotonNews

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hamiltrash-32000 · 8 years ago

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1-104 💛

If this is who I think it is, I am so going to hurt you tomorrow -.-

Screw you man. This took me 10 minutes short of an hour

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? A. I texted a group chat so probably something along the lines of “How much did we have to drink for two straight girls to wake up naked next to our gay friend who has a girlfriend?” or something like that…

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?A. If my dog counts then I’m kinda sad cause his health is declining, my stuffed dog then we cuddle every night ❤️❤️

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?A. I must be doing drugs if I have a boyfriend I don’t know about… but yes, I would care

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?A. Nah fam, its shorter

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?A. Nonexistent as I recall

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?A. No I don’t think so

7. What does your last received text say?A. “Sure thing baby” from my dad after I asked about giving the dog a bath

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?A. Ummm…….

9. Where was your last kiss at?A. Ummm…….

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?A. One of them today and I’m seeing another tomorrow. We’re going to watch F8, for me the second time :)

11. What do you drink in the morning?A. Pepsi or tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?A. In my bed? At my dad’s house?

13. Do you think relationships are hard?A. Obviously. I haven’t been in one but I have come close and that stressed me out

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?A. No. Everything happens for a reason. The domino effect really

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?A. Yeah, I get kinda lonely

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?A. Rainy, it helps me fall asleep and I like sleep, I did so until 4 pm one time! I swear I’m not depressed

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?A. I know someone with my middle as their first

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?A. Onesie fam

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?A. I hope so

20. Does anyone like you?A. Yea….

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?A. No…

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?A. No…

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?A. Yes.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?A. I have a few in mind, not anytime soon but someday in the future I hope

25. In the past week have you cried?A. Just was, about my dog

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? A. Mine and he is a bloodhound, his name is Flash!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?A. Out

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?A. Nah dude

29. Do you think you’re old?A. I feel old when I work at church

30. Do you like text messaging?A. It’s okay, I just got no one to text because SOME people don’t know what responding is

31. What type of day are you having?A. Pretty chill

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?A. For a while, not anymore

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?A. I don’t know. I live in Florida so I’m inclined to say warmer

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?A. Well obviously, I’m close to you because I like you, not because of what is - or isn’t - between your legs

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?A. Relationship, I’m not going to waste my time if I don’t see a potential future… which is probably why I haven’t had a boyfriend

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?A. I’d say a mixture of both,

37. What song are you listening to?A. A Christian CD I got from a camp about 4 years ago. It’s a version of Your Love Never Fails

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?A. Unless it’s to my brother39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?A. My momma :)40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

41. When did you last receive a text message?A. While answering this42. What is wrong with you right now?A. I am having some mental conflicts with myself right now43. How well do you know the last female you texted?A. I’d like to say somewhat she tends to hide things from me and not tell me -_-

44. Does anyone disgust you?A. Me. My sense of humor is really sick45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?A. No46. Are you in a good mood right now?A. Due to a couple of my past answer I am overthinking and not really, no.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?A. My dad48. What color shirt are you wearing?A. Black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?A. Yeah. My brother said we have to get up early in the morning50. Anyone you’re giving up on?A. I don’t know yet51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?A. I haven’t fell for anyone so no

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?A. No53. Do you like rain?A. Yesh54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?A. Yeah, case either he is drinking underage or I am dating someone like 5 years older than me. If we were the legal age then no until it’s the point of drunkenness55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?A. All the time, right now actually56. Do you like to cuddle?A. Yesh57. Are you shy?A. Kinda58. Do you get along with girls?A. Kinda59. Have you dated the person you texted last?A. No, I ain’t gay fam60. What do you carry with you at all times?A. My phone61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?A. If I can bring my bible and some holy water with me then sure… and maybe a priest62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?A. I’m not quite sure

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?A. Neither oh God… but I do have a rainbow zebra print body pillow so probably zebra69. Do you have any stickers on your car? A. I don’t have a car70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? A. Luke Bryan71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone? A. Android72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A. Not sure, a few weeks and I’m glad. I have had so much pizza recently73. Do you like diet soda? A. Sometimes74. What color are the walls in your room? A. White at my dads and lavender at my moms75. Are you 16 or older? A. Yesh76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? A. Used to, I wait until it comes on Netflix77. Do you have a job? A. Nope 78. What are your initials? A. I don’t feel comfortable giving my initials out on social media…. my first name starts with an M though79. Did you ever have braces? A. Nope80. Are you from the south? A. Yesh. The good Ol’ Bible Belt. I love it really

81. What does your last status on facebook say? A. I never post on facebook bu earlier I shared the JT “It’s Gonna Be May” Tumblr post82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? A. How many times will I be reminded that I haven’t kissed anyone83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? A. Both but on different things84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? A. No85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? A. Fate of the Furious86. Do you smoke? A. No. I hate drugs87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? A. Flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?A. Yesh89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? A. Stra- as I was writing this I literally experienced déjà vu90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? A. Bruh, we got an alarm system. At both houses. Are you crazy? Plus it’s kinda rude91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? A. Doesn’t matter92. Have you ever made out in a car? A. …93. …Had sex in a car? A. …94. Are you single or in a relationship? A. Single pringle95. What were you doing last night at midnight? A. Facebook probably96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? A. July 4th97. Do you like the camera on your phone? A. Sure, why not?98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? A. …99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? A. …100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? A. No, what do you get out of that?101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? A. …102. Name your favorite Kesha song: A. ….103. Do you have any tan lines right now? A. Yesh104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?A. …. you guys are just making the South sound so much worse than it is

#Ask and ye shall recieve

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silkclient90-blog · 5 years ago

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Honey Boo Boo and the other Dancing with the Stars Juniors cast members

by Andy Dehnart 25 Sep. 2018 | 9:11 pm

The cast of the new Dancing with the Stars Juniors was just announced live on Dancing with the Stars’ second episode, and includes actors, reality stars, and kids who are famous themselves or who have famous parents.

The cast includes Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson, who’s now 12, and Miles Brown, best known as one of the twins on ABC’s Black-ish. Stevie Wonder’s son Mandla Morris and Scottie Pippen’s daughter Sophia Pippen are also both competing, as is Tripp Palin, the son of Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol Palin; Bristol came in third on her season of Dancing with the Stars.

It seems like a strong group and a decent range of competitors, and more contestants I recognize than this current season of DWTS.

Each contestant will be paired with a young professional dancer, plus a Dancing with the Stars pro who will mentor them. Here are those trios:

Addison Osta Smith with Lev Khmelev, mentored by Keo Motsepe

Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson with Tristan Ianiero, mentored by Artem Chigvintsev

Akash Vukoti with Kamri Peterson, mentored by Witney Carson

Ariana Greenblatt with Artyon Celestine, mentored by Brandon Armstrong

Hudson West with Kameron Couch, mentored by Hayley Erbert

Jason Maybaum with Elliana Walmsley, mentored by Emma Slater

Mackenzie Ziegler with Sage Rosen, mentored by Gleb Savchenko

Mandla Morris with Brightyn Brems, mentored by Cheryl Burke

Miles Brown with Rylee Arnold, mentored by Lindsay Arnold

Sky Brown with JT Church, mentored by Alan Bersten

Sophia Pippen with Jake Monreal, mentored by Sasha Farber

Tripp Palin with Hailey Bills, mentored by Jenna Johnson

Judging the series are choreographer Mandy Moore, DWTS pro Val Chmerkovskiy, and DWTS winner Adam Rippon. Frankie Muniz and Jordan Fisher are co-hosting.

The show will be pre-taped, airing one-hour episodes on Sundays starting Oct. 7.

Dancing with the Stars Juniors judges Mandy Moore, Val Chmerkovskiy, and Adam Rippon. (Photo by Ed Herrera/ABC)

Here are the new cast’s bios from ABC’s press release:

ADDISON OSTA SMITH (age 13) – Addison Osta Smith was the first girl and youngest contestant ever to win “MasterChef Junior” at the age of 10. Winning “MasterChef Junior” led to multiple television and media appearances, including cooking demonstrations and interviews on the “Late Late Show with James Corden,” “Hollywood Today Live,” “Good Day LA” and “The Steve Harvey Show.” In 2015, she was cast in the ABC pilot, “Dream Team,” which was filmed in spring 2016. She is currently working on her first cookbook and wants to inspire kids and adults to do what they love and to help others while doing it. Addison is partnered with Lev Khmelev and mentored by Keo Motsepe.

ALANA “HONEY BOO BOO” THOMPSON (age 12) – Alana Thompson, or more famously known as Honey Boo Boo, started her career on “Toddlers & Tiaras” when she was 5 years old and quickly rose to fame. She then starred in her own show, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” Now you can see her on “Mama June: From Not to Hot,” which is in its second season on WEtv. Alana loves being on social media, texting her friends, hanging out with family and doing her makeup. Alana is partnered with Tristan Ianiero and mentored by Artem Chigvintsev.

AKASH VUKOTI (age 9) – Akash Vukoti is a SPELLEBRITY. He started reading and writing at a very early age and competed in his first spelling bee when he was just 2 years old. He became a member of Mensa at 3. When he was 6 years old, he became (and is currently) the youngest boy ever to compete in the history of Scripps National Spelling Bee. Akash is partnered with Kamri Peterson and mentored by Witney Carson.

ARIANA GREENBLATT (age 10) – Ariana Greenblatt is a small-but-mighty star on the rise, who just wrapped filming Disney’s “The One and Only Ivan,” where she stars opposite Bryan Cranston, Sam Rockwell and Angelina Jolie. Ariana has always loved dancing and took her first class at age 2. Currently, she is playing Daphne Diaz on Disney’s “Stuck in The Middle” and has starred in “Bad Mom’s Christmas” and “Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity Wars,” where she played Young Gamora. Ariana is partnered with Artyon Celestine and mentored by Brandon Armstrong.

HUDSON WEST (age 10) – Born in Dayton, Ohio, Hudson West booked his first commercial at the age of 6. Currently, he can be seen as Jake Spencer in ABC’s “General Hospital.” Shortly after relocating to Los Angeles, he was cast as Andy in “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” and also appeared in “True North,” directed by Tom Nittoli, as well as “Roads, Trees & Honey Bees.” His other television credits include the recurring role of Jesse on Showtime’s “I’m Dying Up Here” as well as the recurring role of Marcia Clark’s son Travis on Fox’s “American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson.” He can also be seen on Netflix’s “Grace and Frankie,” Nickelodeon’s “Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & Dawn,” Cartoon Network’s “Clarence,” TV Land’s “Teachers,” TNT’s “Major Crimes” and ABC’s “Modern Family” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” Hudson is partnered with Kameron Couch and mentored by Hayley Erbert.

JASON MAYBAUM (age 10) – Jason Maybaum stars as Levi in Disney Channel’s live-action comedy “Raven’s Home,” a spinoff of the iconic comedy series “That’s So Raven,” now in its second season. In addition to his role on “Raven’s Home,” Maybaum starred in the critically acclaimed Hulu movie “Becoming Bond,” has guest starred in “Workaholics,” “Teachers,” “Blunt Talk” and “Superstore” episodes and has appeared in numerous commercials. He is also featured in the upcoming Disney Channel Original Movie “Freaky Friday,” a contemporary musical update of the classic comedic story. Jason is partnered with Elliana Walmsley and mentored by Emma Slater.

MACKENZIE ZIEGLER (age 14) – Born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Mackenzie Ziegler has quickly become one of her generation’s most influential rising stars. The singer/songwriter and actress was most recently seen starring in the YouTube series “Total Eclipse,” for the digital network Brat, of which she also serves as an executive producer. Her first novel, “Kenzie’s Rules for Life,” was released on May 8. Mackenzie is partnered with Sage Rosen and mentored by Gleb Savchenko.

MANDLA MORRIS (age 13) – Mandla Morris, the son of iconic singer/songwriter superstar Stevie Wonder, is an aspiring fashion designer who loves to draw and sketch clothing. With his five brothers, four sisters, one dog Cairo, and one exotic cat King, he is also into music and enjoys playing the piano. His parents inspire Mandla every day to be the best person he can be. With a love of travel (he recently visited Milan and Paris), he also likes to hang out with his friends, going to the movies and playing video games. Mandla is partnered with Brightyn Brems and mentored by Cheryl Burke.

MILES BROWN (age 13) – Miles Brown stars in ABC’s Emmy®-nominated and critically acclaimed comedy series “black-ish,” from creator Kenya Barris. He recently wrapped production on the independent film “Emmett,” opposite Rita Wilson and Nora Dunn, a coming-of-age comedy directed by Bridge Stokes. In addition, Miles is a member of the Jr. NBA Leadership Council, which is a select group of NBA/WNBA players, legends, coaches and celebrities tasked with providing thought, leadership and insight as it pertains to growing the Jr. NBA brand. Miles’s past credits include “The Thundermans,” “Shameless” and “Raising Hope.” Miles is partnered with Rylee Arnold and mentored by Lindsay Arnold.

SKY BROWN (age 10) – Sky Brown is known as a skateboarding and surfing phenom, which has led her to become a viral video media sensation with over 50 million views. Sky, who learned to skateboard at the age of 3, is one of the youngest girls to compete and medal at a professional skateboarding competition and uses her platform in skateboarding to spread her message of positivity, empowering young girls around the world and to globally give back to children in underdeveloped areas. Sky is partnered with JT Church and mentored by Alan Bersten.

SOPHIA PIPPEN (age 9) – Sophia Pippen is the daughter of six-time NBA champion and two-time Olympic gold medalist, Scottie Pippen and entrepreneur Larsa Pippen. At a young age, Sophia signed to Wilhelmina Kids and Teri B. Talent to begin pursuing a career in the world of fashion and beauty. In a short time, Sophia has catapulted herself to the top by becoming the face of Oscar De La Renta Kids and walking down the runway for childrenswear brands including Aliva Simone and KidPik during Kids Fashion Week in NYC. Sophia is partnered with Jake Monreal and mentored by Sasha Farber.

TRIPP PALIN (age 9) – Tripp Palin loves traveling between Alaska and Texas, where he’s embraced by a large, active family, including his mother, former “Dancing with the Stars” contestant Bristol Palin, and grandmother Sarah Palin. He is an all-outdoors-all-the-time all-American boy. He loves fishing, four-wheeling, snow machines, dirt bikes, football, soccer … “his little sisters and God,” Tripp reports! Never having danced before, Tripp looks forward to the athleticism required in this competition, and mostly just wants to have fun. Tripp is partnered with Hailey Bills and mentored by Jenna Johnson.

Source: https://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/2018/09/dancing-with-the-stars-juniors-cast/

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verifiedcomplaints-blog · 6 years ago

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The Fraudulent JT Fox

“JT Foxx” (real name unknown) and Raymond Arron are fraudsters who have masterminded (and I give them some credit for it), a very clever operation in which they have gone to great lengths to avoid being classed as criminals, technically speaking. But, they ARE criminals. I will explain in detail how their seminars really work using manipulation techniques to get you to buy useless rubbish you think you can’t do without. They are not as rich as they claim. And it’s obvious after a short while to any intelligent individual that they are not as wise as they claim and certainly not as experienced as they say they are. But they are good. Very good at fooling the uneducated. Of course people will benefit from their over priced programs full of mediocre content. If you're starving and someone throws you a £1000 soggy biscuit - you'll buy it. Here’s want happens during the event - Firstly it’s at a grandiose city hotel which will put any low wage earning mortal starting their own business into an environment in which they are not accustomed. It creates the illusion of success and promotes trust in the attendee’s heads. The tailored suit wearing speakers (mostly Raymond and “JT Foxx”) act confident and suave but if you’re an intelligent person with good instincts you’ll detect something that you can’t quite put your finger on. Later it sinks in – you notice a type of cockiness and self-praise which truly successful multi-millionaires simply don’t possess. You are sat down at tables in a small group with water and a notepad. Raymond comes on first and starts teaching some really basic material which is mostly full of common sense and frankly if you haven’t learned it at school or haven’t already figured this out, you shouldn’t be running a business. There isn’t a thing he goes through which isn’t free on thousands of websites if you search well enough for some basic business strategy and management tips. Next a grandiose introduction is given for this infamous mister “JT Foxx” – the name sounds more like a dodgy stock broker doesn’t it – from broke he’s apparently made millions in months but somehow you never heard of him. This tall guy with swagger struts on the stage with his hands in his pockets and starts telling you the facts of life. He’s 31 by the way and has apparently gone from -$34 to +$unknown in 6 years. He will avoid any question about his net worth and his rise to fame by talking a load of rubbish back at you for at least 10 minutes at about 20% faster than you can possibly listen. His only skill is talking. All self-made men are actually proud to tell you their story. The first crack in their guise is when they pass round a form asking people to fill in the nature of their business and what they want to achieve. They say they will have a 1-to-1 with EVERYONE tomorrow and give them a personalised tip, a “blueprint” for their business which apparently is worth $5000 an hour from JT Foxx. But when the form comes round there are zero questions about your business – just a 1 line space to write what you want to do. Instead it’s actually a survey engineered to see what budget you have available to spend on training material and whether you would consider training. Then on day 2, oh dear, unfortunately they only had time to give one-to-ones and blueprints to the people who circled “yes” on “do you have a training budget”. What a coincidence. I made a point of going to the toilet so I could “overhear” a one-to-one. And guess what, the entire time they were successfully selling a £2, 000 coaching program to this gullible individual. So day 1 of the seminar will seem completely legit to an uneducated, gullible, innocent or even foreign individual with little vision of their future and a poor understanding of business basics. Sure enough – those people will come away from day 1 feeling like they learned a great deal. But if you’re already running a business you’ll realise you knew it all anyway and will come away feeling like you should have only attended day 2. (Raymond tells you that day 1 is the setup for day 2 and that in day 2 you’ll have to pay attention.) So you come BACK to day 2 thinking it will be better. The second day starts with some (slightly) more advanced and in-depth discussion on business branding. But let’s face it. If you don’t know what branding is or how to brand your business, what are you even doing there? You shouldn’t be in business in the first place. But after about 11am, the training JUST STOPS. THAT’S IT. THE END. NO MORE TRAINING. For the rest of the day their “friends” are invited to speak about themselves and about their quirky lives. Did you go to this course to hear about expeditions to the north pole by a sixty-something year old lady for 2 hours. Well done to her but do we care? Of course we don’t. Did you go there to hear about a book on zoomanity for 90 minutes by a quirky guy who apparently used to give lectures on copyrighting but doesn’t any more and be made to show gratitude for his presence? At this point you will be feeling fed up with boring generic rubbish which you knew you always knew. At the end of day 1, Raymond asks what you want to do tomorrow. There are 4 options. Options 1 and 2 are full of buzz words like “how the rich get rich” and “how the broke stay broke”. Yes – those are the topics. Well thought out eh. But 3 is “How did Raymond Get rich” and 4 I can’t remember. The point is that 90% of the class voted “how did Raymond get rich”. So did we cover it? NO! Of course we didn’t. Because Raymond Arron actually isn’t rich at all. And he’s not doing these seminars for “fulfilment” like he says. He’s doing them because he’s and “JT Foxx” need the cash. All of the training materials they go through in both days are simply echos of a man called Nido Qubein. And then – surprise surprise, they actually play you videos and phone calls from him. For over an hour. Apparently “JT Foxx” spends one million dollars a year to hear the voice of Nido on the phone for 30 minutes a week. O…K…Then. Even if that was true, “JT Foxx” must be incredibly thick because he spends a million bucks a year on stuff that I can hear for free - from my mother. The only question in my mind the whole time was “are the minions at the back of the room and all of Ramond Arron’s friend guest speakers really aware about what he and Mr Foxx are really doing?” What do you think? Why do you think they go from country to country so quickly? Why can’t you find their real biographies? Even, their real names? Why do their websites look like – like they are 10 years old? (I’m a developer by the way) Why does “JT Foxx” claim he charges $15, 000 per hour for consultation and then offer to forward you his sessions with his own coach, Nido for just £50/month - but you have to sign up for 12 months. He claims by the way he’s losing money on that offer. These people are no more genuine than Santa Clause, Rudolf and his red nose reindeers. But here’s the good news: They’ll get caught up eventually. And they’ll NEVER EVER be rich. Good luck and God help you if you bought any worthless training program from them. JT Foxx may now spam this thread below with a load of oposition like he did the last one. But if you've attended one of these events and seen right through it, tell the world here. Read the full article

#FL #FortMyers #UnitedStates

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topscammers-blog · 6 years ago

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The Fraudulent JT Fox

#FL #FortMyers #UnitedStates

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unhappyclient-blog · 6 years ago

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The Fraudulent JT Fox

#FL #FortMyers #UnitedStates

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thrashermaxey · 6 years ago

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Ramblings: Nelson, Eberle, Scoring By Position – July 10

Though there’s obviously been a lot of digital ink spilled here and elsewhere on the signing of John Tavares, there’s a good reason for that: in the NHL, it is rare a player of his calibre isn’t on the team that drafted him into his 30s. Not in the cap era. Just look around the league: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Alex Ovechkin, Nicklas Backstrom, Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Anze Kopitar, Drew Doughty, Steven Stamkos, Victor Hedman, Claude Giroux, Patrice Bergeron, Brad Marchand, Ryan Getzlaf, the Sedin twins, and on and on and on. For the ones on that list that aren’t in their post-30 seasons, they’re signed through them. We can argue about which of those players are on the Tavares level, but for those that aren’t, they at least have championships which factor in. Those superstars who do find themselves in new destinations in their early- or mid-20s are usually on rosters controlled by Peter Chiarelli. It’s why there’s so much coverage of Tavares and Erik Karlsson.

What can get lost sometimes, from a fantasy perspective, is the effect on the team that loses the player. Dobber covered how this will impact both Josh Bailey and Anders Lee when he wrote about the signing but one aspect I want to cover is the Islanders power play.

Barry Trotz had a heavily-used, 4F1D power-play unit in Washington and the Islanders had a successful top PP unit using this setup. I don’t suspect that will change. The two questions are: will Ryan Pulock supplant Nick Leddy? Who will replace John Tavares?

To answer the first question: not right away and maybe not at all. Even though Pulock showed well last year, Leddy maintained that top slotting and he should again to start the year. If the PP falters, maybe something changes, but don’t expect it out of the gate.

The second answer requires some more nuance.

Things were muddied a bit with the signing of Czech centre Jan Kovar on Monday (you can read about the impact of that signing here). I don’t think he gets a crack at the top PP unit to start the year but I also thought Vadim Shipachyov would be a 50-point player and he didn’t even play 50 minutes.

Who replaces Tavares is a matter of role and skill set. You don’t replace what Tavares can do internally, you just replace Tavares with a player who can fill his role on the power play.

More or less, Tavares had a net-front position last year. It wasn’t truly net-front in the vein of someone like Wayne Simmonds or Tomas Holmstrom because Anders Lee filled that role, but he was more of a below-the-line guy who would roll to the slot when Leddy or either of the wingers were looking for a net-front pass or shot. This is the shot chart of the Islanders top PP unit in 2017-18 (from HockeyViz.com) and you can see the overlap between Lee and Tavares:

The Islanders, then, need to replace Tavares with a guy who can play below the goal line as a facilitator while also getting to the front of the net for redirections, deflections, and close-distance one-timers. That is not Valtteri Filppula.

That is Brock Nelson.

Here is how the Islanders second PP unit stacked up. Eberle was in the Barzal role, Beauvillier took Bailey’s, Ladd took Lee’s, and Nelson had Tavares’s:

The following screenshots are taken from a game in mid-March against the Capitals. Here is the top PP unit in its normal setup at the end of the second period. You’ll notice Tavares in the mid-slot bumper role:

In that same game, here is the second unit on their PP setup. The first screenshot is the entry and Nelson is sneaking down low in case there needs to be a switch, which is the role Tavares would be assuming:

Once they’re setup, things are still a little disjointed because of the nature of the entry so we don’t have Eberle in his normal role, but once possession is established Nelson moves from the goal line to his bumper role:

It’s a pretty easy transition to make. No, Nelson is not Tavares. This is by no means equating the skills of the two players. But yes, Nelson did play the exact same role Tavares did on the second PP unit of the same team, something which Trotz would be very well-aware.

Pegging power-play units that are due for at least one significant change can be difficult, especially with a new coach incoming. Given Trotz’s PP setups and usage in Washington, though, and the pretty seamless role transition it would be for Nelson, that would be the obvious move.

The other option would be Barzal in the Tavares role and then have someone like Eberle take over Barzal’s old spot, which is possible, and would render the preceding 600-ish words useless.

What seems like an eternity ago, though it was a littler over a month in the past, these Ramblings covered specific targets for leagues that fantasy owners should be looking for. One Ramblings covered the number of goals, assists, and shots on goal for both forwards and defencemen that fantasy owners should look for (and how those numbers are increasing) while another covered real-time stats like hits and blocked shots.

Basically, those Ramblings just point out how certain categories like goals and shots have seen their averages and totals rise for fantasy leagues as the league-wide goal and shot rates increase, while others, like penalty minutes, have seen their prevalence decline. It has made 20-goal forwards less relevant and 80 PIM guys more relevant.

I said I would dig into position-specific totals and that’s on the docket for today.

For this specific post, we will be discussing only what occurred during the 2017-18 season. All data from Natural Stat Trick and we are using their positional alignments as well. Once Yahoo opens their lobby for the 2018-19 season, I will be using their positions, obviously.

Stats are compiled from the top-60 in points at each of centre, left wing, and right wing.

Centres

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the pivots are still, by and large, the engines of offence up front. We had 18 centres manage at least 30 goals, four more instances than both wings combined. The top centres aggregated more goals, assists, and shots than their wingers. Again, remember we are not using Yahoo positions (yet), but it indicates to us that while a lot about the NHL is changing, some things remain the same.

These are the totals, averages, and standard deviations for the top-60 scoring centres in 2017-18:

A few things about these totals.

Being able to contribute across the board is really hard. Out of the 60 centres in the sample, just six had 26 goals, 40 assists, and 60 hits: Sidney Crosby, Steven Stamkos, Sean Couturier, Vincent Trocheck, Jonathan Marchessault, and Brayden Schenn. If we add another variable – minimum of 39 blocked shots – only Couturier and Trocheck qualify. To top it off, Trocheck is the only one to be average in all categories as Couturier fell just shy of the PIM cut-off.

Everyone who takes part in multi-cat leagues knows how much of a balancing act determining how much value a player can bring to a fantasy roster. Some guys bring goals and shots, some guys bring assists. Some guys bring real-time stats, some guys don’t. That’s why trade negotiations with fantasy owners always bother me.

Fantasy Owner: “But [Player Name] doesn’t give me help in [Four Categories]!”

Me: “Literally almost no one can be above average across the board.”

Fantasy Owner: “But I need a player who can be above average across the board.”

Me: *pulls the cilice a little tighter*

As far as pure point production is concerned, only five players found themselves more than one standard deviation above the mean in both goals and assists: Connor McDavid, Claude Giroux, Evgeni Malkin, Nathan MacKinnon, and Anze Kopitar. John Tavares was pretty close, falling five assists short. Aleksander Barkov needed five goals and an assist more, while Crosby just needed a few goals. All the same, only five made it.

There is a lot we can review but I just wanted to point out the top performers and just how hard it is to be good everywhere. Keep that second part in mind when someone is offering a trade. I’m begging fantasy owners to remember this (especially those in leagues with me).

Wingers

I want to include both wing spots in the same section because a common trope, depending on the season, is that one wing or the other is more advantageous in certain categories. Let’s go through the differences in 2017-18:

The average left winger among the top-60 point-producing left wingers, as listed by Nat Stat, scored 21.3 goals. The average right winger among the top-60 point-producing right wingers scored 20.6.

In that same sample, left wingers averaged 27.8 assists while right wingers averaged 28.2.

In that same sample, left wingers averaged 181.9 shots on goal while right wingers averaged 178.3.

If there was an edge, it was in the ‘gritty’ stats like PIMs, hits, and blocked shots where right wingers all had a decided edge.

To sum it up, left wingers scored more but right wingers produced much more in real-time stats.

Here are the totals, averages, and standard deviations for left wingers:

To compare, here are the totals, averages, and standard deviations for right wingers:

As far as the components of points are concerned, there really wasn’t a significant difference between what the left side produced compared to the right. The difference came in penalty minutes, hits, and blocks for the right wing. Depending on your league, there may not have been much of a difference here.

I just wanted to note two things.

First, for those who’ve read my Ramblings at least for the last couple months, you’ll remember my Ramblings about baseline production back at the end of May that I mentioned earlier. Those totals and averages in that column differ greatly from the totals and averages in this column. One reason is this sample of players is larger; only JT Miller, Rick Nash, and Ryan Hartman have dual eligibility, as listed by Natural Stat Trick, in my 180-player sample. That Ramblings had 156 unique players in the sample, this one had 177. Also, all the players in the Ramblings back in May were grouped into one homogenous sample, and we know centres are, generally, more productive than wingers. For those reasons, the baselines in that Ramblings were higher than this one where we split the forwards into their positions.

The second note is that there’s no real good way to devise a sample here. Fantasy hockey is, by far, the smallest of the Big Four fantasy sports. We could use ownership percentages in Yahoo or ESPN leagues instead of raw point production but then we worry about dead leagues, leagues where owners barely check their rosters, or leagues with unique setups. We could put a call out for people with specific setups to send us their season-beginning and season-end rosters, but I’m not sure we’d get enough sent in for it to be meaningful. That’s why I just chose point production as a way to get at which players are likely to be targeted in fantasy leagues.

When Yahoo and ESPN open their lobbies in September and we get confirmation about which players will qualify at which position, we will go over this again. Hopefully, at the least, this helped clear up the notion that one wing is vastly superior to the other for this year.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-nelson-eberle-scoring-by-position-july-10/

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isfjmel-phleg · 5 months ago

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Of course, the covers of comics are intentionally designed to be sensationalized and eye-catching and often don't really have much to do with the actual story, but I am particularly amused by how nonindicative of the actual character The Ray 1994's covers are in their depiction of Joshua. He's big! and buff! and menacing! and probably evil! and we're going to invoke a line from Genesis to suggest that he's the Cain to Ray's Abel! and there's going to be fighting. serious fighting.

When in fact this is Joshua. Even when he's powered up, he's still a little kid.

And despite some initial fighting and misunderstanding that lasts maybe a couple pages....

this is the outcome of the brothers' meeting:

"My brother's keeper," indeed. But not like that.

#comicsposting again #JT: a little short for a 50-year-old #RT: born with the light

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placetobenation · 6 years ago

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Happy (sort of) Independence Day to all! As we discuss in this space every year, yours truly is a man of traditions and there is no tradition greater than crushing hot dogs all day and night during a summer cookout, meaning the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest is as peak tradition as it gets. And I am here for you to review this epic event each and every year! As usual, we are coming to you live (via tape for me now, natch) from the home of the contest and the original Nathan’s Famous in Brooklyn on Coney Island. And this year, ESPN has moved the full replay of this event to ESPN+, so I had to sign up for the free trial of that grift just to do this. You’re welcome.

We open up our coverage with one of our usual epic intro packages, this one putting some focus on the greatest carnival barker of all time: George FUCKING Shea. I say it every year, but if you are to watch this thing for one reason, it should be for George, who we see high above the masses on a pulpit pitching his pitch for this contest of kings. That is followed by a look back at the key players and their history with the contest and their path to today. That includes the infamous 2015 battle where Matthew Stonie knocked off the GOAT Joey Chestnut, handing him his only loss over the past 11 years. And last year, Chestnut broke his own record with 72 dogs taken down. This recap tries hard to make us think Stonie and Carmen Cincotti have a shot today but time will tell.

Adam Amin and Rich Shea officially welcome us into Coney Island and narrate us through the arrival of the competitors. Amin is new to the show, replacing our old friend Paul Page. I assume Pauly must be in a hospital somewhere because I can’t imagine how that guy would miss this event. Page compares Chestnut to other sports legends and the titles they have won. We also check out the historical hot dogs eaten chart for the career of Chestnut.

We then visit with our intrepid sideline reporter Melanie Collins, who is back for year #4. And just in case you forgot what we are working with there, here you go…

Hi, Mel. Melanie chats with Chestnut, who is fired up and says he won’t be lazy today and is interested if Cincotti can break 70. Melanie breaks down the conditions for us and its possible affect on Joey. What a fucking pro. And while we talk about Matt Stonie’s YouTube success and dramatic drop off here in Brooklyn over the past two years, let’s just pay tribute to our favorite Nathan’s Famous sideline reporter of all time. The First Lady of Salty, Cobbled Together Meatlike Products Consumption Contests, the gorgeous Renee Herlocker.

Renee is gone. I’m pouring beer out for my shorty who ain’t here. Give it up for my shorty. Renee. We get more talk pushing the cases of Cincotti and others, as Adam and Rich think this is the dopest field we have seen in quite some time. I will believe it when I see it, boys.

After a break, we check out some clips from promotion work the competitors have done and it is really clear that Cincotti is getting the Jesus Push as the top contender yet again this year. It is a lot of pressure and the biggest story of the day may be whether or not he can hold up. That is followed up by a look hyping the women’s competition, focusing on our reigning champ Miki Sudo, who has won the last four Mustard Belts after dethroning Sonia Thomas. We transition right into brief highlights of the women’s battle, which featured very little drama. Sudo won it again, outpacing second place by nine dogs but also matching her second lowest total of her run. The heat certainly played a role there, I am sure.

Congrats, Miki! Hopefully they can find a legit challenger to her soon before she just keeps piling up these straps. We do find out that her family was in attendance for the first time today, so that is cool. Mel chats with Miki, who says she knew she had a strong lead and just kept pace enough to win. She joins Chestnut and Kobayashi as the only five time champions here in Brooklyn.

Melanie returns and walks us through a video profile on Cincotti, the local hero done well. Of course, fittingly he was born on the Fourth of July and has risen the ranks of competitive eating as the years have ticked along. We get words from his family, including his mom, who wasn’t happy that she funded his college tuition and then went into competitive hot dog eating, but she seems proud nonetheless. Today on his 25th birthday, he goes for the gold.

Upon returning from a break, we get a plug for American Cornhole League action and then get an in depth package on Mr. Chestnut himself, including talk about all his head-to-head wars with Kobayashi. That is immediately followed by a hype piece on Japanese import Max Suzuki, a YouTube sensation that prefers Ramen noodles as his gluttonous delicacy of choice. He qualified for this contest by knocking down 42 dogs in the Las Vegas qualifier and credits Kobayashi as his inspiration and hero.

And after a break it is now time for the competitors to enter… and as always, I implore you to watch this part for yourselves because no man can do the Immortal George Shea justice as he does his thing. The field:

Matt Hazzard: Qualified in Valdosta, GA by finishing off 22 dogs and buns

Derek Jacobs: A weightlifter that won a Kroeger Contest and for some reason, he is barefoot

Juan Neave: Won the San Antonio qualifier and has a multicolored mohawk

Adrian “The Rabbit” Morgan: #7 in the world; Acme Oyster eating champion, killed 42 dozen in eight minutes

Pablo Martinez: Wearing a Lucha mask for his entrance and is a paranormal investigator

Eric “The Red” Denmark: Habanero eating champion of the world; Won the Portland, OR qualifier

“Buffalo” Jim Reeves:”His good cholesterol is low, his bad cholesterol is high and his BMI is borderline Presidential”

Steve Hendry: #16 in the world; 28 dogs and buns in Viejo, CA; has eaten 144 chicken wings

Juan “More Bite” Rodriguez: #12 in the world; personal trainer and won the Des Moines qualifier

Ronnie Hartman: Debuted in 2013 while on leave from Army duty in Afghanistan; training to be a pro wrestler

George Chiger: A massive dude and a rookie who qualified on his fourth try

Nick Wehry: Odds on favorite for MLE Rookie of the Year; won the Citi Field qualifier

Gideon Oji: Ranked #6; Kale eating and green chili stew champion of the world

Eric “Badlands” Booker: The Fucking Man and he and Shea do an awesome combo freestyle rap

Rich “The Locust” LeFevre: #13 and 74 years old; Shea basically says is on his deathbed; Spam eating champion of the world and oldest competitor in 101 year history of the contest

Max Suzuki: #1 in Japan; Has eaten 20 pounds of Ramen

Geoffrey Esper: Pepperoni roll and pizza eating champion of the world

Darron Breeden; Uses the “Tallahassee Two Hand” method

Matt Stonie: #2 in the world; 2016 Nathan’s Champion; Shea is fucking amazing here too

Carmen Cincotti: “He was born on the Fourth of July but this day is a vessel of pain”

Joey Chestnut: The GOAT

This was all worth watching just for the Booker & Shea freestyle battle. What a fucking moment. We also get a neat scroll of all the records Chestnut holds. A true legend of space and time. And after this next break, the 101st Nathan’s Contest will kick off!

We return with one last hype video including a Badlands Booker rap and then it is officially time to light this candle. The clock winds up and away we go! Chestnut is burying processed meat off the bat as we learn that Joey has his own dedicated camera on ESPN3 like the fucking legend he is. Everyone is chugging along at a solid pace to start as usual, with Chestnut setting the pace as usual. The announcers discuss how relaxed Stonie was this week and that could come into play and toss out a potential comparison of Nick Foles beating Tom Brady. Stonie, Suzuki and Cincotti have all passed Chestnut but that is short lived, natch. Stonie is on fire here as we tick two minutes in. Some of these dudes have earbuds in, which is pretty cool. They should do a segment on what they prefer to listen to. Stonie and Chestnut are neck and neck now, and this is a nice bounce back for Matty after a weak showing a year ago.

As we duck below seven minutes, Cincotti is struggling, perhaps crumbling under all the hype and birthday expectations. Joey is at 27, averaging about 7.75 per minute. He has now opened up a six dog lead over Stonie, who is fading quickly. We are closing in on five minutes and this may already be over as Chestnut is leading Esper by seven with Stonie and Cincotti in sniffing distance. Halfway through, Chestnut is at 37 and Melanie tells us he is behind the pace he figured he needed to break the record. We get some insight on the humidity as Chestnut now leads by 11. Amin is rambling about Liv Tyler as this thing is all but over, leaving the record as the only point of question. Shea talks about Chestnut’s training and prep this week, which is more interesting than the contest. Chestnut is at 48 with three minutes to go so he will need to rally pump some meat down to take this record.

Stonie and Cincotti oscillate for second but are trailing by deep double digits now. Shea wonders how many eaters can hit 50 and reminds us that those beyond the winner also get prize money, so finishing high means more cash. We are under two minutes and Joey is sitting in the mid-50s, he has some legit work to do to get the record, but we can never count him out. Amin and Shea are all over the place as we hit the final minute. Chestnut is at 58 and leading by 19 with 60 seconds to go. “The esophagus of a champion, the stomach of a warlord” says Shea, and who can argue with him. Joey is destroying the field but is only at 62 with 15 seconds left so the record looks safe for this year. Time bleeds out and Chestnut locks up his 11th title with a 19 dog win. What a master of his craft. Cincotti finished second at least, so nice rally there.

We wrap things up with Mel chatting with Chestnut, who talks about battling the humidity and says the judges were a mess and couldn’t keep track but he fought through. We also now find out that Chestnut actually wrecked 74 hot dogs, which would be the record. Looks like that unofficial tracker was way off then. Chestnut celebrates while Amin and Shea wrap us up and we are out.

This was a lot of fun as always thanks to George Shea and the production but we need some legit threats to both belts at some point. Seeing Chestnut smash records is fun, but without a real foe the contests are anticlimactic. And we didn’t even get to enjoy the buzz of the record falling this year because of the judge and tracker issues. All that said, this is still one of my favorite events of the year and I am already prepping for 2019! All hail Joseph Chestnut, the once and future king of processed meats!

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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theonlinemuse · 5 years ago

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So @lesbianmaxevans and I have been discussing how there’s very little backstory for Dani Powell on the show and we decided to contribute to the tags by coming up with our own headcanons for her:

Dani is a nickname obviously, but instead of Danielle or Danika, it’s short for Danys, a unisex Haitian Creole name. She only gets called Danys if she’s in trouble

Malcolm giggles whenever that happens and Dani threatens to put her cold hands on him if he tries calling her that

Malcolm learned her middle name the same day he met her middle sister, New York County Court Judge Naomie Powell, who barged into the precinct after an incident where Dani got hurt and went, “Danys Eliana Powell, if you’re going to give our family a heart attack, at least pick up your phone!”

Her dad is Haitian (I still say that episode 5 should’ve delved into this with Dani and her backstory) and her mom is Jewish. Dani and her sisters were all raised Jewish

Dani doesn’t regularly go the synagogue, but it’s tradition for the Powells to go to services during major holidays

Dani and JT explaining Jewish holidays to everyone

Powell wasn’t her dad’s original last name. Her dad and grandma came to New York from Port au Prince in the late 70s and their original last name was Poirot. Grandma Eliana kept the name, but her dad changed it to Powell when he started university

She’s the youngest of three girls in the family. Her oldest sister Mona is played by Meta Golding while middle sister Naomie is played by Sydney Tamiia Poitier

Naomie was the sister who suffered from night terrors after getting into a bad car accident as a teenager and Mona and Dani would often take turns looking after her. This is how Dani knew how to deal with Malcolm

Dani is bisexual. She and Edrisa went on a date before deciding to be friends and Edrisa likes to joke about them being exes much to Malcolm’s confusion

“When did you even break up?” “We didn’t, technically. We just went go karting and had lunch at Zabar’s before we realized Dani was wayyyy too much like an aloof little sister to me.”

And this is totally a crack headcanon, but after seeing Jurnee Smollett-Bell playing Black Canary in Birds of Prey, Dani and Dinah Lance are now cousins. Their moms, Zipporah and Dinah Senior were sisters

Dani and Dinah may be Jewish, but they don’t keep kosher all the time. They don’t eat pork, but they’re absolutely weak against shellfish, much to their moms’ dismay

Chaotic bi Dinah and distinguished bi Dani

Imagine Dani going undercover in Dinah’s band and them singing the Birds of Prey song from Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Dani can rock the punk rock aesthetic. Dinah makes her wear fishnet stockings, red lipstick, a corset over a dark lace shirt, and gold metallic temp tattoos. Malcolm has a heart attack

And then Dani starts singing and he’s a goner because he’s only ever hear her sing old songs from the 30s to 50s and there’s something powerful and sensual about her singing punk rock music. He’s not ready for it

JT teases the hell out of him, but he soon shuts up when Dani and Dinah bring Tally into the mix. Edrisa records the whole thing, as well as Malcolm and JT’s expressions. Gil ends up using it to keep Malcolm and JT from doing anything too outrageous

Grandma Eliana would sing old jazz and méringue songs to Dani and her sisters when they were little so Dani ended up with the habit of singing them absently whenever she’s focused on a task, usually when she’s doing her hair

Dani grew up listening to songs from the 30s, 40s, and 50s due to grandma Eliana always playing her extensive vinyl collection. She didn’t really get to listen to modern music until she was in middle school

In addition to jazz and swing, Dani’s surprisingly good at disco. It didn’t help that her dad often played Boney M and Earth Wind and Fire during her childhood

She used to joke that the Powell family is decades behind in their taste in music. Dani doesn’t listen to many modern songs, but she likes singing along to Yonce as well as Janelle Monae songs like Electric Lady and Sally Ride

Make Me Feel becomes Dani and Dinah’s bi anthem

Malcolm once caught her singing and he keeps trying to catch her again. He’s lucky to listen for five seconds before she kicks him out of the bathroom

Dani’s a bit of a tea expert thanks to grandma Eliana, who taught her many different ways of making tea. Other than Earl Grey, Dani’s favourites include grandma Eliana’s ginger tea and pomegranate tea

And I’m not just saying that last one because I saw tags about a Brightwell Hades and Persephone AU

She loves tea flavoured desserts as well. She often gets a glazed Earl Grey donut for breakfast on Monday mornings when she needs a little pick me up

She changes up the glaze depending on her mood. Lavender for when she’s stressed, balsamic and pomegranate for when she’s in a good mood, blueberry for when she’s irritated or stuck on a case, brown butter for when she’s tired, and caramel with blood orange zest for when she’s ready punch a dick

In the summer, she loves Thai iced tea popsicles and matcha green tea popsicles dipped in chocolate

Dani isn’t as big of a coffee drinker as she is a tea drinker, but if she has to have coffee, it’s always a cinnamon mocha with a shot of espresso

She can cook, but because of her schedule, she mostly sticks with quick to make dishes like grilled cheese and spaghetti. She likes spicing things up though, thanks to growing up with her dad and grandma’s cooking

Every Hanukkah, Dani always gets roped into preparing the desserts with Zipporah since her dad, grandma, and oldest sister are in charge of cooking. Dani’s the first to admit that she’s not a cook, but she’s gotten good at making sweets, even if she doesn’t always have the patience for it. Eight nights a year is her limit

Malcolm as a foodie bemoans this and his trying to broaden her food choices slowly becomes a thing

The look of horror on his face when he sees her chow down on a double beef bacon mushroom burger, poutine, chocolate pecan pie and a strawberry milkshake in one sitting is priceless

And Dani loves seafood, especially shellfish which Malcolm can’t have because it gives him hives

Dani was a bit of a trouble maker in elementary school, but for good reason. She stuck gum in a classmate’s hair because she stole her favourite scratch and sniff stickers and lied about it. And she once kicked a football player where the sun don’t shine because he was being a dick to her

She dressed like Kimberly Hart from the Power Rangers movie in high school, though she did have a goth phase for about two weeks in freshman year. She was trying to channel Wednesday Addams. She was definitely a bit of a rebel style wise. Malcolm was most definitely a nerd

Ironically, Dani’s the one with poor eyesight. She only wears glasses if there’s no more contacts and they’re a chunky pair that’s similar to Edrisa’s glasses

Dani does have some secret nerdy traits, she knows how to code thanks to her sister Naomie going to coding camp for five consecutive summers

And like Kay, Dani has some artistic tendencies too. She grew up with outdoor art programs that encouraged her to paint

She’s fluent in French. She, her sisters, and their paternal cousins went to a bilingual language school thanks to grandma Eliana’s influence

Dani also did competitive figure skating as a kid. She actually made it to the Junior Grand Prix finals. She got silver

There’s recordings of her competition routines on YouTube somewhere and she actually goes undercover as a figure skater for a case. Gil acts as her coach because he actually used to skate as well

She also did some cross training in ballet as well since her godmother is a well known ballerina turned dance teacher. There are a lot of pics of Dani in her early teens of her in a leotard and tights with curls escaping her ballet bun

She has an old injury that often acts up when the weather is cold. She broke her leg pretty badly in high school due to an accident in gym class. She got knocked off the balance beam when they were doing gymnastics and had to be rushed to the hospital for surgery

She prefers horror and thrillers to action movies, but she likes period pieces too. Belle is a recent favourite of hers

Dani likes Star Trek because her dad is the biggest sci-fi nerd and it was a big part of her childhood. She also grew up as a fan of Eartha Kitt because of him after he made her watch 1960s Batman reruns with him

As a result, she wanted to name her first kid after Eartha. She eventually nicknames her first daughter Kit because of this

Dani actually introduced Tally to JT. They were roommates in college (Dani majored in social work while Tally studied chemistry) and they went to the same synagogue

Tally designated Dani as godmother after she and JT had twin girls. She was the sandeket at Noa and Miri’s simchat bat

She practices Krav Maga, she and Dinah both learned it in high school, though Dani always says that Dinah had more of a natural talent for it

Dinah also did kickboxing and gymnastics and Dani ended up tagging along her lessons. She doubled as a coach and sparring partner

She and her sisters dressed up as magical girls for Halloween when they were little and the new Charm reboot is like reliving their childhood

She wraps her hair for sleep with funny and colourful scarves that Naomie always gives as gag gifts, a tradition that started when they were preteens

She’s dyslexic, but she wasn’t diagnosed until middle school. She had difficulty memorizing things so she got into a habit of carrying a recorder with her. She also has her phone and computer set to dyslexia friendly fonts and listens to a lot of audio books

It’s also the reason she sometimes makes mistakes when she’s dancing. She sometimes mixes up left and right

She also had trouble learning French at first because of this

Dani can hold her liquor, but after four drinks, she becomes a giggly drunk who randomly speaks French and sings 90s rock songs

She also suddenly gains a sweet tooth when sober Dani doesn’t usually go for sweets. Luckily Malcolm has a few lollipops stashed away for when this happens

Dani did a brief modelling stint back in college to help out her cousin, who was in fashion school at the time. She mostly modelled for women’s wear and book covers. She even posed for a couple of historical romance covers

Malcolm may have accidentally come across it thanks to his mom. Jessica might have been a little smug when she told him to fetch the book from where she left it. The look on his face was priceless

Dani ends up recreating a cover for a case. Edrisa makes Malcolm pose with her. She takes so many pictures

Given that Malcolm has Sunshine, it’s ironic that Dani owns a cat. It’s a mischievous black cat named Shuri and she loves climbing things, especially Malcolm

#Prodigal Son #Dani Powell

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bike42 · 6 years ago

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Monday April 29, 2019 - Costa Brava Day 2

Not sure why, but I was wide awake until after midnight. Partly from excitement, but also I missed the great bed and pillows from the last two nights. This is a beautiful room, but way deep down in the bed lingers the smell of cigarette smoke - hate that.

I did eventually sleep though, and we woke with the sun and got dressed and ready for our 8am breakfast and 9am gather to start the ride. Beautiful morning - Sarah and I were the only ones in shorts and light jackets, everyone else in tights. I’ll admit it was a little chilly as we descended away from Madremanya, rolling through fields of wheat and poppy - seemed like a sleepy countryside and we were the only thing moving!

Today’s ride was through the enchanting countryside, charming villages, panoramic views of the Pyrenean mountains and stunning views coastline of the Costa Brava. It seemed that the little villages were just 5km or so apart - each one with a castle or church tower. No one seemed to be out and about though, except for a few farmers on tractors. I guess it’s the Spanish way - stay up late and sleep in. Bailey would be at home here!

Just after 10am we arrived at the medieval village of Pals, dating back to the 9th century. We changed shoes and took a 30 minute break here. Jeff and I walked the cobbled streets that wove their way maze-like up to the church; everywhere you looked was a picture. We stopped at at little cafe and had a “cafe con leche” and JT ordered a hot chocolate which was more like chocolate pudding not quite set just yet - they were very yummy together.

After break, we did about a 10k climb, 5-7%. Just the right kind of challenging. Our guidebook described the next part as: “Undulating ride to the ancient pueblo of Calella de Palafrugell. Traditional fishing village perched on a rocky coastline, sprinkled with small coves, oozing old-world charm.” Perfect description. About 5k from the lunch stop, Kristin and Janet bumped and Kristin went down. It’s always scary, but she wasn’t hurt badly (kind of deep looking gouge on her palm and knee, plus a destroyed pair of Lululemon tights)! She was quite tough about the whole thing. Sarah called for Joaquin to come in the van, he bandaged her up and we toasted her “first fall from a bike” with a bottle of Cava at lunchtime.

Coming into the resort area reminded me of riding in Croatia. For the first time since arriving in Spain, we saw modern hotels and homes (well, probably from the 50’s, “modern” being a relative thing)!

It is still very early in the season, which for me is an awesome time to be here as I can only imagine the crowds in the summertime! Traffic is light and very respectful, and mostly here are families with small children. And cyclists! Many many cyclists, some tourists at “bike camps,” others on more scenic tours like ours, and others that seem to be serious racers - in large packs or riding alone or in pairs.

We had lunch at a little beach bistro called Fiego. You wouldn’t have known it was even there without walking the ancient steps down to the little beach. As we got closer to the water, the breeze became cooler (especially as we were wet with sweat from the climb), so we bundled up. I waded into the water and it felt very cold, but there were a few kids splashing around in it. As we had lunch, the sky cleared and it felt much warmer. Rather than order off the menu, we told the guides to just order tapas (but LESS FOOD than yesterday). We were all stuffed and I was getting antsy to go, when our fish arrived. So we all managed to shovel just a little more food in, and it was a very fresh and delicious sea bass, perfectly cooked.

Only Jeff and I opted for the 20 mile ride back to our hotel, so we took off with Sarah and rode at a fast pace which was really fun. We went through several little villages, but also beautiful little country lanes with rolling hills and smooth pavement, so it was easy for us to chat while we rode. Such beautiful countryside, I’m continually exclaiming “WOW, JUST WOW” out loud. With about 5k to go, Joaquin was there with the van so we stopped for a snack - unbelievable to be hungry after eating so much lunch, but we’re working hard. Joaquin went off to find a pharmacy to replenish the first aid kit, and we headed back to Madremanya where we found our cooler of cold beer and snacks waiting for us.

Up to our room for a quick shower, and then back to meet the group for an excursion to Peratallada, a small fortified medieval town with traces that date back to the Bronze Age (BC). A local historian, Nick, lead us on a walking tour and it was so fascinating. ‘Pera tallada’ means “carved stone,” and the original fortress and town was built over a quarry. The foundations of many of the buildings are literally the stone floor, and the walls were built from rock from the quarry itself. It appears to have a moat, but Nick said it was just all mined out of there, and not filled with water. You can still see the steps where some poor souls were carrying the rock up and out! The reason for building the castle and fort here is thought to be to defend the rock so someone else couldn’t use it to build another castle nearby.

Outside the walls, we toured the church, and again, it was awesome to tour with Nick who pointed out many things about how they think it had been expanded, and also that it wasn’t properly “finished,” as it was stone and brick, versus having been plastered and painted. Outside, there was a graveyard, with some bone fragments here and there since good records weren’t kept over the thousands of years, so occasionally old graves are dug up. We also learned that the tall thin cypress trees that are generally planted in cemeteries are to point the souls in the direction towards heaven.

Back into the city, we walked the old Main Street - now some nice shops and restaurants, although most were closed being a Monday in low season. It was great to have someone point out to us how the buildings have been modified over the years, arches added or reinforced, windows changes, triangle shapes added under the eaves to keep out evil spirits, etc.

After that, we walked down a set of steps carved into the original stone and ended up on a patio of an eclectic restaurant (with the toilet out back in the moat - no kidding)! There we had a great three course meal, three bottles of wine, great conversation and visits from a friendly ice-cream eating cat!

Quiet 20 minute van ride back to the hotel. Great ride and great dinner - I should sleep tonight!

Ride: Madremanya to Calella de Palafrugell, 53.8 miles, 2762 feet of climb

#theworldcalls

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gaudeixcc · 6 years ago

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Peloton news - The fishy protest

Well, it’s 5 months to the Grande Tour that is G19, the Pyrenees. Training has slowly rumbled into life with many a peloton rider poking their beak from the comfort of their winter lair.

Surfacing over the last few weeks have been Damo, a few commutes and even the odd MTB ride. I’ve managed to get off the turbo and have swapped the virtual for reality. We even had the first group ride of the year with RTA & Dripping. An historic event as Dripping tested the new carbon fibre hip in the April sunshine.

A mere 9 weeks ago Macca and I visited Dripping in his private room at the private Gatwick Park hospital. When we arrived, he was in the middle of making a massive fuss about the fact that one of the wall power points wasn’t working and that he couldn’t plug his smart phone (well…. Samsung) in within convenient reach. The nurses, clearly tired from a punishing schedule of looking after the weak and infirm had to drop everything to wheel the half-robot across the corridor to a new room with a better selection of power facilities, Drip grumbling quietly en-route.

Macca and I looked at each other nervously as we felt a chill descend upon the room. It transpires that Drip’s irksome mood was somewhat provoked by a polite refusal from the nursing staff to his 8th request of the day for a bed-bath.

‘But nurse, ever since my new hip has gone in, my winky feels dirty’, protested a nearly tearful Drip.

Macca, ever the empathetic and caring friend, pulled on the surgical gloves and reached for a damp cloth when Dripping’s tone changed and he suddenly got all shirty about power sockets and room adequacy.

Anyhow, 9 weeks later and the stooping drugged-up post-Op Dripster is sprightly, twinkly-eyed and ready for a 50-mile jaunt in the sunshine. Astonishing all things considered.

The ride out was sensational. We took in Denbigh’s followed by the box hill Olympic route before cutting back up past Dorking and onto the coffee stop.

RTA had shouted a campsite/fishing ground as the place to go for snacks and warm drinks. We had a coffee. We had cake. Then, as it was a particularly sunny bank holiday Friday, we had a pint. RTA and I also learned a little bit about fishing during our 30-minute break.

Dripping, a keen angler, gave us a good 20-minute running commentary on all the mistakes being made by the small cast of fishermen who were assembled within eye-line. Not only was he highlighting their errors, he was also giving RTA and I coaching on what do should we find ourselves Rod in hand and hunting for sprats.

I tried to pay attention to the pearls of wisdom Drip was releasing. It’s a subject I don’t fully understand, but here goes my attempt at remembering the salient points. RTA, please feel free to fill in the gaps;

• Catching fish is like giving children quality street…. One at a time, to keep their interest.

• Don’t spook the fish

• Don’t show them the line

• Don’t touch the fish which are covered in jelly

• Sit still

• Read a book

• Don’t cross swords with another angler (I am praying he was referring to fishing rods)

Whilst Drip was observing the carnage unfolding, he’d occasionally berate all the JR Hartley’s by muttering ‘rookie’ under his breath.

To conclude, I’m not sure why Drip is trying to keep children’s interest with the bait of quality street or how fish get to purchase and wear jelly. I’ve made an executive decision to stick to cycling. I understand it. It understands me. My sword won’t get crossed. The children are safe. All in all, everyone’s happy.

The ride eventually concluded with a bit of a faster-paced sprint back to the bower for Drip and I. 50 miles in the bag and I could see exactly what Dripping was thinking.

‘Moley… I’m a coming for ya’…. He didn’t say it…. He didn’t need to. And so, we move seamlessly into a few words on tour preparation.

Now, this year, I ain’t gonna do what I did last year which is turn up ill-prepared, fat and in need of regular snoozes just to keep me functioning. So, I’ve hit training early. Drip is on a mission. He will not only want to be there, he will want to take somebody down. I am grimly determined that it ain’t gonna be me.

Damo, currently wrestling a knackered back, has been off the booze for ages and is in reach of his usual cyclists’ condition.

JT doesn’t look to have turned a wheel…not that it matters with the amount of winter sports he’s done, but I am determined to see him pushed by this year’s tour virgin, HRH.

Macca and Col Mac have been quiet and finally Moley, well, Moley needs to use the equipment he’s blessed with. Turbo? Check. Hills nearby? Check. Is he his own boss and can therefore engineer his time? Check. Time to get those massive engines which drive your ankles up and at ‘em Moley. You know who’s looking at you with grim determination and a plastic hip don’t you.

Now here’s a question for you. What has the Peloton got in common with lobsters? An unusual comparison you may be thinking.

Now lobsters have been rocking round the seas for several hundred million years. In this time their brains have, like many, developed to recognise and react to status. In short, the higher up the pecking order (clawing order?) they are, the more balanced and happy they feel. They show this by their body language. Apparently, the controlling mechanism for all of this is the proportionate balance of 2 hormones produced by the lobsters grey matter… bit more of one (serotonin) and the lobster is a confident little fucker and as such, rises in the social standing of the group…. Bit less and the crusty fella gets a bit withdrawn, hunches his shoulders a little and doesn’t get the pick of the little chickadee lobsters. Now the female lobster is attuned to status. They see a confident sprightly lobster as a good proposition, all things considered, so he who hath his claws held high and bit of a swagger about his gait can expect to be a hit with the ladies and a roughie toughie with gents.

However, all is not quite that simple. Should our alpha male lose status, in a fight with another male for example, then he moves down the chain. This has a dramatic impact. The hormones rebalance to such an extent that the brain has to physically re-grow to cope with the change in circumstance. The old brain just can’t cope with the impact that loss of status has on the tiny aquatic creature.

Worryingly, one of the wider peloton is going through just such a transformation.

Back in the day Amesy used to live on the Bower in creepy Crawley along with the rest of the herberts (me included, natch). Then he moved up in the world. He moved out to the leafy suburbs of Ashington village and into a nice extended 5-bed with a double garage. He could be seen prancing around the place, coaching the privileged kids football and generally being an upstanding pillar of the community.

Over the period of time I suspect voting changed from labour left to mild conservative right.

Social status grew steadily and then he hit the big time. He moved to Royal Tunbridge Wells.

Saturday mornings and he could be seen cruising round the charity shops with his yellow lambs-wool jumper draped causally over his shoulders, whilst he browsed the nick-nackery on offer.

He even joined the local theatre and became something of a minor celebrity for his portrayal of Widow Twanky in the AmDram Christmas production that year.

A few months ago he was sitting in the garden in one of his very many comfortable outdoor chairs, sipping a glass of chilled Riesling. He turned to Lou, tireless loving bride of our social high-flyer, and said ‘you know what love, life aint half good’.

Ominously, unbeknownst to Amesy, dark clouds had started to gather. His beloved second home, the luvvies theatre, has now been served an eviction notice and a brand-spanking new facility has been approved by the council. £90 million quids worth of theatre and a smattering of town centre parking is heading his way. And the new lot have made it quite clear that there is no space for his level of Widow Twanky.

Bang… no more Widow Twanky… no more luvvies… no more kudos and gentle ripples of applause from the blue rinse mob.

He’s a shattered man.

I spoke with him earlier this evening and it dawned on me just how bad this situation has got. The following words are about as accurate as Peloton news has ever been…

Amesy has been out, placard in hand, and has joined the Tunbridge Wells Alliance in protest against the new theatre. He is literally incandescent with rage. How very dare they!

Who do they think they are? These faceless councillors who just rock up, let money talk, and spoil the whole damned shooting match with this new high-brow monstrosity.

I didn’t ask if he protested in his Widow Twanky garb, but what he did tell me was that he joined in with the chanting.

‘WHAT DO WE WANT?’

‘Not this level of wasteful investment right in our lovely town centre and in particular not the new toilet block pencilled in for Calverley grounds’

‘WHEN DO WE WANT IT?’

‘Now please’.

Not particularly catchy and a far cry from Derick Hatton and the 80’s militant movement, but still, he’s fucking furious.

Anyway, I’ve bought him a box of quality street and Drip is lending him his fishing rod. He needs a calm space to heal, be himself and to regrow his status-shattered brain.

First step fishing…. Who knows, we may see him on a bicycle yet.

Right my lil fuckerinos, get yourselves outdoors and get the wheels moving. 5 months will spin by. The last thing you want to see is Dripping and his spectacularly clean winky making off ahead of you and into the sunset.

On second thoughts, perhaps having dripping behind you and hunting you down with his spectacularly clean winky may be even more frightening.

Ah well, roll the metaphorical dice and let’s see what happens!

Lobsters away..!

Hoppo

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