#My favorite part of the interview is when he says he was probably on stimulant when he wrote some of the Wings stuff

[thestarsarecool]

Paul McCartney Interview in Q Magazine: Cash for Questions. January 1998 Issue.

Hi, all! A photo of one page of this has been around on tumblr for a while (here), but I’ve always wanted to read the full thing. Some lovely soul on Google Groups in 1997 decided to transcribe the full interview (here), so now I’m uploading it so you can read it. Hooray!

Q. When you first wrote a song with John Lennon, did you realise you would play one of the biggest parts in rock 'n' roll? (Michael McConnell, Crawley, West Sussex)

A. Obviously not. But even with all the so-called "historical" events that followed, you're just too inside it all, too busy doing it to realise anything's "historical". You just get on with it. I'm not a great ponderer. Some people would say that's a mistake but it's just the way I am. It's quite cool not to always get the overall picture because it leaves something to be found out. The musicologists get paid to discover the differences between me and John. I'm only just beginning to see it now, based probably on their analysis. So John is often one note, I'm often more melodic. (McCartney is thinking especially of Ian McDonald's book Revolution in the Head, where he describes the ace partnership in contrasts: Lennon's method is "harmonic, dissonant", McCartney's that of the "natural melodist".) It might sound amazing but we never spotted that when we were writing. We just did our thing. But it is kind of apparent when you bother to analyse it.

Q. If John Lennon could come back for a day, how would you spend it with him (Mark Wilson, Deeside, Flintshire)

A. In bed.

Q. Were you ever envious that Brian Epstein didn't fancy you? (Nick Gibson, London) 

A. No, I didn't mind. We just used to go to these clubs at night and wonder why there were so many men. It was OK. Brian was very cool about his side to things. I think the nearest any of us got to it was the John-going-to-Spain thing (it inspired the movie, The Hours And The Times) and I'm not sure what the strength of all that was. I think it was power play on John's part. But Brian kept his private life aside. He kept it out of our faces (pause, possibly for effect). He kept it out of mine, anyway.

Q. What were the last records you bought? (Chris Timms, Harrogate)

A. The Prodigy's The Fat Of The Land, Radiohead's OK Computer and Chopin's Nocturnes.

Q. How do you feel about all the animosity between you and Oasis right now? (Christina Vellano, Syracuse, New York, USA)

A. There is none as far as I'm concerned. What happened was I'd said, Good group, good singer, good songwriters. But people asked me about it so much that one time I decided to take it further and say that they don't mean anything to me. I am not related to Oasis. I wish them good luck and everything. But my kids mean something to me, John Lennon means something to me, but Oasis ....

Q. Who would you pick to play with in your dream six-piece band? (Alan Thatcher, Essex) 

A. Dream? So we're into fantasy, aren't we? Ringo, John, George, that's three. Me. Jimi Hendrix. That makes lots of guitarists, so Little Richard on keyboards.

Q. With Wings, did you feel pressurised to live up to The Beatles? (Andrew Williams, Neath)

A. Yes, it was a case of "follow that!". Impossible to do. Looking back on it, it's a lot better than I thought, though some of it is just not PLAYED as well as The Beatles. My son (James, co-worker on McCartney's last pop album, Flaming Pie) plays a lot of Wings, so I'm re-listening, and there's good shit that I'd forgotten about. A lot of the lyrics were off the wall, drug stimulated. Things like "Soily - the cat in the satin trousers says its oily". What was I on? I think the answer is stimulants.

Q. Do you still support the legislation of cannabis? (Grahame Woods, Northwood, Middlesex)

A. I would make a distinction between legalising and decriminalising. I'm in favour of the latter. The problem is that jails are stuffed full of kids doing what a lot of people do. Why stuff the jails with young kids? Plus it's one of the best places to score. I remember when I got busted in Japan, nobody made the slightest effort to rehabilitate me (laughs). Just stuck me in a box for nine days. Obviously you come out and you are fairly resentful.

Q. Do you roll a wicked joint? (Steve Kline, Bury)

A. I have nothing to say in answer to that question, m'lud. I wasn't even at the venue.

Q. The critics have been harsh on your solo work. Did this ever discourage you? (Robert Hemauer, Madison, Wisconsin, USA)

A. Yeah, sure, but you don't let it kill you. It's a difficult one, because it's never cool for someone to tell you you're shit. Many people through history were damned by the critics of their own time - Cezanne, Van Gogh, Stravinsky, all great painters! Ha ha!

Q. We'd like to see your paintings but can't get to the exhibition in Germany (McCartney unveils his work for the first time in Siegen, Germany, next year). Any thoughts about putting your paintings on "tour", or publishing a book of them? (Kathy Goodman, San Diego, CA, USA)

A. A difficult one. If you're a so-called celebrity - like Bowie, Anthony Quinn, Tony Curtis - and you exhibit any art, inevitably, people are not going to think of you as a real painter. Gallery owners come up to me and offer to give me exhibitions. I say, You haven't seen my pictures, and they say, It doesn't matter. Well, it does to me. Otherwise, it's just trading on the name. However, this guy from Germany came over, looked at all my paintings, seems to like them. He's telling me what they're all about.

Q. You've done so many things - classical, films, music, art, drugs - is there anything left you might have a go at? (Tim Bowler, Swansea)

A. The thing is how reluctant I've often been to have a go. I think we were brought up pretty repressed. Brought up to be seen and not heard, to stay in your place, particularly a working class thing. And I think - I hope - with The Beatles, we got rid of a lot of that. With the painting, for instance, it was Willem de Kooning who liberated me. I used to go to his studio, took in one of my paintings, said, Hey Bill, I hope you don't mind but can you tell me what it is? (Affects American drawl) "Oh, looks like a couch." Well it looked like a purple mountain to me. And he says, "Well, whatever." Here's one of the greats, his works go for one million, and it was great to see how little bullshit he was bringing to it all. It's really important to explode these myths that surround the arts, music, painting. It's Wizard of Oz time - so many myths, and it's often just a little man behind the screen. The paraphernalia that surrounds them gets in the way. Often you meet leaders in their field and they have none of that. I remember asking a great painter - Peter Blake, maybe - for some advice once, and he said "Just paint a lot". Similar to my approach to music.

Q. How do you know when a song's finished? (Joyce Slavik, Palatine, Illinois)

A. It's full up. You've answered all of your questions. Normally, I start following a thread: "Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice ... " The thread might come out of nowhere, and I follow it and complete it, like a crossword puzzle. When the crossword is full up, the song is finished.

Q. What's more embarrassing: writing Hi Hi Hi or Say Say Say? (Tien Vu, Costa Mesa, California)

A. (Weighs up pros and cons). Say Say Say.

Q. Why did you give such extensive interviews for an authorised biography (Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now) instead of writing an autobiography? (Deena Hochberg, Southampton, Pennsylvania)

A. I don't think I'm a writer. I've never been moved to do it. You have to have a pretty big fire in the belly to do something as big as that. I fancy music more. I'm happier writing in songs rather than in prose, or poetry. Though I wrote something that was never published about the time I got busted in Japan - for my kids. Because I knew one day they'd say, "Hey dad, what was it like, nine days in a Tokyo jail?". So I had a mate of mind, who did all our printing, knock up a few copies, one for each of the kids.

Q. I'd like to know if Sir Paul sings in the shower, and if so, what does he sing? (Jennifer Nash, Bursville, Minnesota)

A. It's normally the bath. I prefer a good bath. And the answer's Firestarter - "I'm a firestarter, de-de-de-de-dera."

Q. As a kid you used to play pranks at school by throwing balloons filled with something "worse than water". If you had one of those balloons right now who would you like to hit with it? (Brett Yuskiewicz, Leipzig, Germany)

A. Jonathan King. He's a prat from way back.

Q. Which football team did/does each Beatle support? (WC Chan, Maryland, USA)

A. None of us were big footie types. We weren't very sporty, unlike other groups who were always having knock-arounds. My dad was an Everton fan, which I was most of my life. But then Liverpool started playing well, and Everton didn't, so I took the unprecedented move of supporting them both. It's not allowed, I know, but there you go.

Q. For years, you've claimed it's you in the Walrus costume in the Magical Mystery Tour film. But watching the footage shows that for it to be you, you and John would have had to exchange all your clothes. Are you winding us up, or have you not watched the film in 30 years? (Dorothy Northcutt, Tucker, Georgia) 

A. The big one. Very good question. I tell you what it was. In the stills we had taken, I was the one with the Walrus head on - in the film it's different. So John then immortalised it in Glass Onion, "I've got news for you all, the walrus was Paul". Obviously at the time you don't care, it's just a Walrus head. You don't realise years later people like our friend from Georgia will analyse it.

Q. What is the quality of each of the other Beatles that you like(d) the best about? (S. Breggles, Richmond)

A. All of them - musical talent. All of them - honesty. Ringo -funny, and kind hearted. George - straightforward and open. John - witty with a soft centre, or maybe hard with a soft centre.

Q. Do the copulating beetles on the sleeve of Ram (1970) stand for F**k The Beatles? (Luc Van de Wiele, Wemmel, Belgium)

A. It happened to be a picture Linda had taken. We couldn't resist it just because of the way it looked. She'd caught these two beetles f**king, and then the significance hit us. We saw that pun, yeah, thought why not?

Q. Was there ever a third Lennon song for Anthology 3? (Jake Lennington, Rush City, MN, USA)

A. There was, but George didn't like it. The Beatles being a democracy, we didn't do it.

Q. I have a Beatles t-shirt which I bought from The Grapes (celebrated Liverpool pub). I was told the band are pictured in their favourite seats - adjacent to the Ladies where you would often catch a glimpse of the girls changing for an evening at The Cavern. True? (Alan Tomkins, Goring, West Sussex)

A. I hope so. It SOUNDS true. Had there been an opportunity to spot the girls changing, I'm sure we would have sat there.

Q. If you hadn't been a musician, what do you think you would have been? (Tony Carter, Manchester)

A. The only thing I could have probably qualified for was teaching. So I might have been an English teacher.

Q. Does it do your head in - stuff like the handwritten lyrics to Getting Better selling for $249,000 at Sothebys? (Peggy Robinson, Trinant, Gwent)

A. It's the price of fame - literally. You scribble them on the back of an envelope, and it gets to be famous. People want it, so it becomes a desirable object. Like Mozart's bog paper, which is another highly desirable object, apparently. More valuable obviously if it's been used.

Q. What is the inscription on the ID bracelet you wear? (Rachel Hyland, West Harford, Connecticut)

A. It says Paul - for when I forget who I am.

Q. How does it feel to have a star named after you (the christening courtesy of American astronomy fans)? (John Sales, Barry, Glamorgan)

A. Really cool. The good thing is that as you get on, your fans get on too. And some of them are pretty swotty. Like the people who started Apple, they were just Beatles fans, hence the name. You don't sit around looking at the sky, trying to find it, but it's like getting a very nice birthday present. I'm not religious, I don't believe in any one system - I sort of think the universe is basically benevolent and we f**k it up - but I am spiritual. I saw Stephen Hawking on TV the other night, and he was saying that we are made of the same stuff as the stars. Which is great. We are all stardust, luv.

Q. What do you want written on your gravestone? (Tom Mangold, Exeter) 

A. Here lies Gracie Fields. Anything to keep people away.

Q. Hey, is it true you are dead, and if you are, what is it like? (L.A. Patterson, Hamlet, North Carolina)

A. Yes. And it's very interesting. It's a very interesting afterlife.

[rolandrockover]

Reprise Vol. 1 - Master & Slave

I think it's no big secret that Paul doesn't have much good to say about Kiss' Carnival of Souls. To put it mildly. Or he simply does everything imaginable to at least create such impressions whenever this album title should rarely enough become the subject of an interview question. Of course, he's welcome to do as he pleases, but personally, from my humble perspective, I think it's a bit of a shame, because I can also remember times when he spoke a tiny bit differently about it.

For example, I can still remember the time when the subject of a reunion was still treated as fictitious, and it wasn't on anyone's horizon, least of all Paul's and Gene's. That was back in 1994/95, when Kiss' laudable motto of perseverance and giving their best was for a change increasingly emphasized in their new music.

And I still remember very well that regular little Kiss feature in the German Rock Hard magazine, which was supervised by their Kiss Die-Hard (0), and from whom one got the vivid impression that he regularly got a certain insight into the world of our favorite band. I think it must have been February or March 1995 when Paul and Gene (1), but also Eric Singer (2), apparently got in touch with the interviewer directly from the rehearsal room in a telephone interview and Paul confidently said, not without his usual side-swipe at Gene, that his songs were much more melodious and heavier than Gene's. There was a certain pride in that. At some point later he even went so far as to claim that the new album was the best and heaviest since Creatures of the Night. Oh my!

What I mean, since that's a rather thoughtful and equally rare tribute to their own music, which was previously only outspoken to give a very special shine to the indeed excellent Revenge, and the return to form associated with it. And I must add to this Paul seemed quite proud of Revenge in 1992 regardless of how hard he had contributed to the previous albums in the 80's anyway. But who knows, once again, it was probably just the latest sensationalization of the upcoming album (3). Promotion is a double-edged sword, but to wipe Revenge away so succinctly because of it, I really don't know. But maybe and probably because it wouldn't have sounded so good to say their new album was the best since... their last one.

But to get my act together and to at least briefly talk directly about Master & Slave in this context.

So, as I already mentioned in my original entry, Master & Slave had the working title: Paul's Riff. In my perception, this suggests pride and respect, not necessarily from Paul himself, but clearly from his band environment. And the fact that such a meagre, yet all-saying no-name was chosen as accepted as a working title, if not even honored from everybody involved clearly speaks for itself.

And because this is a reprise, I'll simply feature an excerpt from my original text about what I see in this song:

"What begins in Not For the Innocent with a few approaching, ominous tones, continues in Unholy as a small extension in a slightly different pitch, and a much more compact back and forth oscillation of these tones, which thereby does not form the entire riff, but only a complementary part of it. In Master & Slave the whole thing gains in drasticness, and the motif is doubled to a lower pitch, added to the previous one to secure its terrain, only to turn into a Black Sabbath motif a la After All. An endlessly repeating highly dynamic acrobatic feat in loud and quiet/guitar and bass contrast."

When writing Master & Slave, Paul must have thought to himself: Ok Gene, a dark album full of Unholys shall it be? This time I'll listen to you, then you shall get Unholy. Which must have stimulated his ambition to try to outdo Gene in terms of Unholy by more than a small margin. I think the result shows in all strength what the right ambition can achieve.

"To conjure up this wet dream of riff Paul must have really tried hard and done his very best to achieve such a result - regardless of what he claims about Carnival of Souls as a whole today."

It is a real pity that he no longer stands by it. Gene and, above all, Bruce (4) seem to have fewer problems with this.

Side Notes:

(0) Jan Jaedike.

(1) Gene emphasized the psychedelic component and compared Carnival of Souls to the Rolling Stones' Satanic Majesties Request (1967) (5) , and that they couldn't explain either why it sounded different from the previous album.

(2) Eric said the album was super heavy and exactly the kind of music he wanted to play. I love to mention this because he had also clearly distanced himself from Carnival of Souls over the past few years. Klassik!

(3) Can anyone still remember how they loud-mouthedly advertised Crazy Nights as a mixture of Animalize and Destroyer back then? There's even a Youtube video of it, but don't ask me where. Anyway, that was still was something different.

(4) Or the last of the Mohicans, as I like to call him.

(5) Hmm, which Stones album did Ace's cover of 2000 Man actually come from?

Master & Slave starts from the beginning. Unholy and Not For The Innocent are highlighted. Turn up the volume and open your ears, I assume no liability:

Master & Slave (1997)

Unholy (1992)

Not For The Innocent (1983)

I'll add After All by Black Sabbath on top.

After All (1992)

[fenoderee]

Shinya [Drums] Interview

Our fourth solo interview is with Shinya, who is the foundation of the band. Shinya has been focusing on simple phrasing and groove in recent years, so how did he approach his latest album "Oboro"?

Basically I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind and I don't worry about it.

-It seems that the songwriting process started very early on, but did you have the new album in mind from the beginning?

Shinya: That's right. I've been working on the songs for the new album. So we decided to release a single, and we talked about which of our existing songs we should release as a single, and "Oboro" was chosen.

-In your case, I personally feel that you've always written songs with a lot of energy or beauty. When you were thinking about the album, what kind of ideas and images did you have in your mind in the early stages of composition?

Shinya:I didn't really think about it before I wrote the song, I just started writing it, and as a result, I couldn't write anything but intense stuff.

-When you say "intense," do you mean songs with a fast BPM?

Shinya: That's right.

-There are several ways to compose a song, how did you do it this time?

Shinya: Recently, I've been using a plug-in guitar instrument that I really like. It has a lot of heavy sounds in it, so I just play it and think about what I want to do.

-What kind of composition system do you currently have at home? It is known to your fans that you are an Apple fanatic, and you seem to be changing to the latest version every year. Do you use the same kind of system for your compositions?

Shinya: It's the other way around, I'm very minimalistic now. I only use one laptop for composing.

-Do you want to install all your DTM software on the computer?

Shinya: That's right. I don't play guitar anymore when I write songs, so I've removed the audio interface. It's a very compact period.

-At the time of this writing, you are touring the country with the "Meguro Rokumeikan Gig", but if you take that computer with you, you can compose music in your dressing room?

Shinya: If I wanted to, I could, but I don't think I will (laughs).

-Did it change the way you came up with the ideas and the process of shaping the songs?

Shinya: That's right. When I used to compose, I used to play my guitar at home and write riffs by myself. But now I don't have a guitar and I'm working on it, so I think the guitar phrases I make have changed.

-So the intense songs you wrote were not chosen for the single, but do you have any plans to make it into the album?

Shinya: The song wasn't selected when it was written, so it was probably rejected (laughs).

-That's not something to say while laughing (laughs). By the way, Shinya, you're the type of person who actively goes to see other people's live performances. I think the main reason is because it's your favorite band or artist, but I also think that seeing a live performance can stimulate you in terms of calligraphy and creative therapy. Now that I have become a member of Corona, I can no longer go to live concerts, and DIR EN GREY has almost completely stopped performing. What do you do for musical input in such a situation?

Shinya: Hmmm... I don't think so at the moment (laughs). Especially when it comes to music.

-Do you ever go through various albums and videos by yourself?

Shinya: No, I don't. I just use what I have inside me right now.

-Shinya's musical tastes are well known to his fans, but is there anything new that has resonated with you during this composing process?

Shinya: Hmmm... I haven't explored anything new in the other solutions.

-Did you go back to your roots and what you like?

Shinya: No, I didn't think about that too much, I just made the songs naturally.

-How did you spend your time at stay home, as a musician and as an individual?

Shinya: I was doing nothing but editing videos (laughs). That's why I was spending most of my time on my YouTube channel.

-I've been watching it for a while now, and I'm also a subscriber to the channel, so please answer me politely (laughs).

Shinya: Oh, thank you very much (laughs).

-Of course it's fun to do, but is there anything exciting about it?

Shinya: When I was working on it, I thought that it was very similar to songwriting. You can keep working on it, and it never ends.

-If you want to be particular, you can go all the way.

That's right, even for a single video, there are endless things you can do.

-The timing of inserting a subtitle, the choice of font, etc.

Shinya: Yes, yes (laughs). Once you start paying attention to the details, there's really no end to it. It's similar to songwriting..

-Is Shinya the type of person who spends a lot of time focusing on various aspects of a song, even when he's writing it individually?

Shinya : With DIR EN GREY, I always bring the original songs to the studio before I've finished them. I know that as the members' ideas come in, it will definitely change from the shape I've created. That's why I don't go into too much detail (laughs), I only make it to a certain point because it's going to change anyway. I try to make it so that the members can understand the side of the song.

-You said that when you select songs in the band, you don't know who wrote which song. Do you ever get feedback from the band members afterwards?

Shinya: I was asked afterwards about the songs I wrote this time. "That's Shinya's song." Then, he said, "Oh, I liked it."

-So you've had that conversation? If you listen to the demo, do you know who made it?

Shinya: Yes, you're right. Yes, I don't have a definitive answer, but I can vaguely tell.

-Although it wasn't adopted, it's nice to be told that it's your favourite song.

Shinya: Well...yes, but the song selection is a majority decision.

-There are always multiple layers to a song, but each time you're inspired to write a new song from a different angle?

Shinya: No, I don't have any particular plans at the moment, since I'm in the middle of an explosive screening (laughs ). Once the songwriting starts again, I'm sure I'll be motivated like you said. I still have my computer with me, but I'm not writing songs, I'm collecting videos (laughs).

-That's a good point (laughs). You've been working on the album for a long time, what do you hope to achieve with it?

Shinya: Up until now, I've been thinking of songs that can evolve in a live setting, but this time, even if we make an album, we don't know if we will be able to perform live or tour like we have in the past. So I've been thinking about it with that situation in mind.

-In other words, rather than evolving through live performances, do you have a sense of construction that evolves completely during the production process?

Shinya: Well, to put it simply, it's a nuance.

-Do you want to take a different approach to the drums?

Shinya: No, when it comes to drum phrases, I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind. I don't worry about it too much.

-What was your impression of this single, "Oboro", when you heard the original song?

Shinya: Well... I was working on several songs at the same time, and I don't remember what the original "Oboro" song sounded like.

-Were the other songs that you were arranging and pre-producing at the same time too strong for you?

Shinya: It was all very strong. The drum approach for "Oboro" was just what I thought of when I heard the original song, without any worries.

We're going to do a live performance for an audience on the 6th of May, but we don't know what's going to happen after that, so we're going to do it as if it might be our last one.

-You said that you often set up an electric drum machine at home and make drum arrangements while playing, is this the same style you used for "Oboro" and the new songs you were working on?

Shinya: When I'm thinking of drum phrases, I don't use an electric drum but just use the mouse. In the past, I used to focus on the basic groove of the song, and I used to add drum phrases while actually playing the drums. But the period of thinking while playing is over now…

-I didn't know you had such a time frame in mind (laughs). Thinking with the mouse is a way of avoiding the first days of DTM, isn't it?

Shinya: Yes, it's the way we did it in the beginning. I think the period of time I was thinking about it while I was in the city changed my way of thinking about drum place. It's hard to describe it in words (laughs).

-I'll take care of that. I'm a subscriber to the Shinya Channel, so be nice to me (lol).

Shinya: Well, I guess I should say I've got it all figured out. I've learned about the advantages of using an electric drum and the differences between using a mouse and thinking with an electric drum, and now I'm able to create phrases and grooves with just a mouse while playing the electric drum, so I think it's not a problem. I can now type in rhythms and phrases with the same time signature as if I were actually playing.

-Do you find it easier to come up with something unexpected by not thinking of phrases as you play?

Shinya: Yes, one of the advantages of playing the piano is that you can create phrases that you can't edit. You can create phrases that you can't edit with your own hands. That's why I started thinking about drum arrangements by typing with the mouse in the early days. In this song "Oboro", I used the mouse a lot in the A melody and other phrases. The demo phrases that I came up with using only the mouse were much stronger and weaker, but when I actually played them on live drums, I couldn't get that level of intensity.

-Do you mean simply the volume?

Shinya: That's right. The core of each sound has to come out properly in live drums, so even if you add a strong instrument, if it's too weak, the core won't come out. The image was different from the one I had in the mouse, but it turned out good, so I didn't have any trouble. I also thought a lot about the guitar in the drum braise of "Oboro". It's the solo part.

-It's a drum approach that is making a difference.

Shinya: Yes. I tried to make a good movement when I hit it. The form of the striking and the movement of the arms are flowing.

-You have a large number of cymbals anyway, and they are set up around the effects cymbals. Effect cymbals have a shorter blue sustain than normal cymbals. That's why when you use a lot of cymbals, do you consider the tendency of the sound of each cymbal and the length of the sustain while constructing the phrase itself?

Shinya: That's what I'm trying to do, to make it so that it's smooth and the previous movements flow. But when we were recording, we didn't talk about it that much. At the live show, I think "I used this cymbal on the recording, but I'll use that cymbal at the live show", so at the live show, I try to pursue the movement more.

-You‘re a drummer who can go beyond. You mentioned that you bring the same cymbals and settings to your recordings as you do live?

Shinya: There are as many cymbals as there are live, but the tycoons are more like two thimbles, two toms and one floor. It's a set of two toms and one floor.

-I think it's important to be careful when making drum sounds.

Shinya: Yes, it is. The drums are the most important part of the sound. I leave it to the tuner. I asked the tuner to listen to a demo of a drum phrase that I typed in with my mouse, and then I asked him to create a drum sound that would fit the phrase. I didn't start working with the drum tuner on recordings until 2019 (The World of Mercy), and he also joined me on several occasions during the tour. The sound on that tour was so good that we started asking them to play on 'The World of Mercy'. It's easier to make a good sound in a live setting, but if the tuner can make a sound that I'm happy with, then I can trust him for the recording. For the recording of "Oboro", they tuned it to the sound I had imagined from the beginning.

-I get the impression that you always do your recordings without getting bogged down, but this time?

Shinya: Just like that. We also recorded the coupling song "T.D.F.F." at that time, but we didn't get stuck. But I recorded it part by part, so it took a bit longer. If I'm happy with the intro, I'll go on to the A melody, and so on, starting from the beginning of the song. It takes a lot of concentration to record each part. Also, sometimes the song isn't written until the day before, so I haven't memorised the phrases yet (laughs). The structure of "Oboro" wasn't even ready until the day before we recorded it. So when I played it, I put the recording side by side and concentrated on each part.

-What did you think of the coupling track "T.D.F.F."?

Shinya: I didn't change much in terms of drum phrases, but I tried to give it a bit more energy. As a result, there are a little less detailed snare phrases than on the original version.

-When you do a self-remake, do you tend to go in with a different stance than the original?

Shinya: It depends on how it's arranged. If the whole arrangement is completely different, I'll consider it a controversial piece and work on it. But basically, I try not to change the original phrases. When SUGIZO joined X JAPAN, he said, "Classical phrases are all different depending on the performer, even if the phrases are not changed“ . That's why SUGIZO said he was playing the same phrases as HIDE. That's why I want to show that although the phrases are the same, they are actually different.

-It's all luck. Even though the phrases are the same, each note is different, and this progression is the growth.

Shinya: Yes. It's a bit embarrassing to call it growth, but I think it's different even though it's the same phrase. But there are things that only the ward of that time could do, but there are also things that only the ward of today can do.

-What mode are you in as a drummer in 2021?

Shinya: I don't really think about it, I just want to play a good drum.

-When I started thinking about the phrases in Mouse, it was also the time when the Band started performing and touring overseas, and the Band's drummers and musicians that I played with at festivals and other events were always saying, "The drums in DIR EN GREY are so circular and amazing. I wondered if Shinya had some kind of special meaning behind the way he phrased the songs“ .

Shinya: Even if I say I've gone back, the way I put it on is completely different from back then. I was thinking of doing something complicated back then, but now I'm thinking of making it as simple as possible. I'm saying that now, but I think it will change depending on what kind of new songs I'm going to play. I'm going to release "Oboro" as a single, but I don't think you can see the spirit of the album from this song alone, in fact I think the album will have a completely different feel. In addition to "Oboro", the other songs on the album will have more impact in the direction of things. I may have done something uncomplicated before the drums... (laughs).

-By the way, today was the first time you met your fans in Osaka, are you getting more excited about the show?

Shinya: Yes, I am. We're going to play to an audience on May 6th, but after that we don't know what will happen. So I'm going to do it with the mindset that it might be my last live. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will be expressed in the actual live performance.

Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]

Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]

Translations by me.

[hopelesshawks]

Hawks would go FERAL if he saw his girlfriend in his clothes. He would go absolutely wild that man has a claiming/marking kink for SURE

Oh absolutely. You technically didn’t request I write this but you also knew what you were doing dropping this in my ask box so HERE WE GO. I wrote this instead of finishing the next part of Official Accounts oops

It’s an 18+ one y’all, minors dni

Contains mention of reader having a vagina, fingering, mutual masturbation, light dom/sub tones, minor cumplay

Maintaining a relationship as a pro hero is hard. Maintaining a secret relationship as a pro hero is even harder. You understand that being a top hero comes with a certain level of fame but if one more fanboy or creepy reporter hits on you, you are going to scream. Not to mention the legion of fan girls constantly screaming after your boyfriend. You get it. Hawks is hot. It’s part of why you date him, but did they really need to mob him every time he was in the vicinity? Needless to say jealousy was not uncommon in your relationship but the two of you had learned to deal with it over the past couple years. Deal with it frequently meaning putting on the best poker face you could muster until you got home and were able to take out your frustrations in a way that was fun for both of you.

You could already tell today was going to be a long day. You had just gotten back from an early morning patrol and just when you wanted to pass out for a much deserved nap you’d instead been told you had to give an interview on the opposite side of town. So instead of napping you had caught a cab to the other side of town and dragged yourself to the studio, only to discover your least favorite reporter would be giving the interview. The interviewer was an attractive man in his late 20s who clearly was unaccustomed to being told no. It didn’t matter how many times you explained you weren’t interested, the man always flirted with you at every opportunity. In a version of reality where pro heroes could punch out interviewers without reproach, you would have taught him a lesson by now, but your temper had got you in enough trouble with the HPSC already this year.

You sit down for the interview and immediately you can tell the interviewer won’t be keeping things professional. It’s live so you can’t do anything in the moment but grin and bear it. By the time the interview is over he’s managed to put his hand on your thigh twice, make an inappropriate comment about your hero costume three times, and imply the two of you should date at least five times. You hate him. The minute the cameras stop rolling, without dropping the polite smile from your face you remove his hand from your thigh and tell him “If you want to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit I’d reign it in,” before storming off the set.

Finally, finally you get to go home. You immediately take a hot shower to wash off the sweat from patrol and the gross feeling from the interview. What you really want right now is your boyfriend, but Hawks is still working and probably will be for a while so you settle for throwing on one of his shirts with nothing underneath but a pair of underwear. You flop onto his side of the bed, burying your nose in his pillow to catch his lingering scent, and immediately fall asleep.

Hawks is irritated. He’s irritated because it feels like work has kept him from having quality time with you lately. He’s irritated because he saw your interview today. He’s irritated because he couldn’t even explain fully to Mirko why the interview had pissed him off so much. He’s irritated because he never should have come up with the idea to keep your relationship a secret and he’s irritated because you never should have agreed. None of these things are truly your fault though so when he finally gets home Hawks fully intends to just cuddle you to sleep and let you complain about how shitty your day was. Honest! He had not accounted for finding you curled up on his side of the bed wearing little other than his shirt.

You wake up from your nap to find your boyfriend lurking in the doorway to your room staring at you. You sit up and drowsily rub the sleep from your eyes. “What’re you doing just standing there Kei? Hurry up and come to bed,” you whine. You were not expecting him to groan “fuck,” before all but lunging towards you. Adrenaline surges through you immediately, the notion of sleep banished completely from your thoughts as suddenly Hawks is pinning you to the bed. You can feel his erection pressing against you but before you can ask what has triggered such a reaction he’s already got a hand in your panties, his thumb finding your clit with practiced ease. “Shit, Keigo, slow down,” you gasp as you grip the bedsheets tightly but he pays you no mind as his middle finger slides inside you. “God you’re so fucking wet for me. Look so fucking beautiful like this, you know that?” he groans.

You can’t even form a coherent response as he slides another finger inside you, dragging them along your inner walls in exactly the way he knows you like. Your hands move from the bed to his back and it’s only then you realize how much clothing he’s still wearing. “Clothes. Off. Now,” you manage to pant out and Keigo nods in acknowledgment. When he withdraws his fingers it’s all you can do to not whine at the loss of stimulation. He quickly sheds his coat and shirt, and for a moment you’re mesmerized by the wild look he has in his eyes and the haste with which he strips off the layers of his hero costume. As he’s finally moving to undo his pants you move to take off the shirt you’re wearing but immediately he’s back on you and pinning your hands above your head. “Don’t. Shirt stays on,” he practically growls and it sends shivers straight down your back and into your groin. “Ok,” is all you manage to say as he moves to press a bruising kiss to your neck. He doesn’t stop until he’s left at least a couple hickeys there, then he moves his mouth to the shell of your ear. “I want you to do something for me (y/n),” he whispers as he releases your hands and instead moves to slide your panties off. “I want you to touch yourself for me. Can you do that baby? I wanna watch you play with yourself in my shirt,” he continues and you’re already nodding before you’ve even fully processed the request.

He leans back to watch as you obediently bring one hand down to your aching sex. Your legs instinctively fall open to allow you better access as you slowly begin to rub along your folds before pressing small circles into your clit. You can hear Hawks curse under his breath as he quickly removes his pants and boxer briefs but that only spurs you on more. You truly are a sight to behold as you deftly insert two fingers inside of yourself, your nipples so hard they’re visible through Keigo’s shirt. He drinks in every lewd inch of you, wanting to commit the image to memory as he finally wraps a hand around his thick shaft. He’s not going to last long. He can tell by the way his dick is already weeping precum and he hasn’t even started moving his hand yet. He doesn’t mind at all though as he watches you squirm underneath him. He forces himself to wait until he can tell you’re getting close to climax. Only then does he allow his hand to start moving.

“Fuck Keigo I’m so close,” you moan, and it takes everything in him not to shoot his load right then. “Me too baby, me too. Let’s cum together, ok?” he moans back. “Ok.” “Ok. Fuck! God you look so hot so fucking beautiful right now,” he groans as the two of you continue to push towards climax, each egged on by the other’s performance. It seems to last both a lifetime and only a moment before finally you’re both rushing headlong into orgasm. Keigo quickly shoves his shirt further up your body to reveal your torso so he can paint it white with his release. As the high finally fades he collapses down next to you and you both just sit there for awhile to catch your breath.

“Kei can you get me a towel? I’m too lazy to move,” you finally ask once the two of you have recovered somewhat. You get silence back. “Kei?” you try again. “Can you leave it for a little bit? I promise I’ll give you the best bath ever afterwards,” he asks sheepishly. You can’t help but fondly roll your eyes. “So territorial,” you tease, “but fine. It better be one hell of a bath though.” “Thanks baby,” he smiles as he pulls you close and brings the covers up around the both of you. “The hickeys are gonna be a bitch to try and cover up in the morning though,” you sigh. “Then don’t cover them. It’s about time the world knew you were mine anyway,” Keigo says. “You sure about that?” “I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything in my life.”

[corruptedconfessions]

A-z for Present mic?? If you dont mind

HHhhhh One of my favorite boys

This was also wayyy harder than I though it would be lmaoo

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Very sweet and cuddly, he loves having you be the little spoon (or big if that's what you want), to press soft kisses to your shoulder as he nuzzles up to you, after he has cleaned you up and taken care of you, of course. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Honestly I feel like Mic would very much be the person that is super into his own looks and really doesn’t care all that much about his partners. Does hair count as a body part? I feel like he’d be really proud of that, and his legs. For partner, probably eyes? Something very romantic and sappy

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Very clean when it comes to sex, condoms, cleans you up quick with a wet rag and will probably shower with you afterwards. Sex with him isn’t usually very messy on the cum front, he’s clean and meticulous. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves looking at pictures of you as he touches himself, especially if they are innocent ones. If you are a fellow pro hero or have any sort of magazine/interview published about you he’ll jerk off while watching/looking at it

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s pretty experienced, he knows what up and how to make sure both of you are having a good time.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

Cowgirl, he loves looking up at you, hands on your waist as you tremble and shake ontop of him

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Definitely more silly during sex, not a total goofball but you can definitely expect to laugh and smile when sleeping with him

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

S u p e r well groomed. Much like the hair on his head he spends time and a lot of effort on making sure his pubes are clean and well groomed. The carpet matches the drapes but unlike the drapes his carpet is carefully cut and groomed to clean perfection. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Huge romantic, he loves going slow and making love to you, making it special and fun even if you’ve been together awhile. He’s just as willing to go fast and hard with you, though. As long as you let him be the sap he truly is at least once a month 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He loves jacking off to anything you, for the most part he’d rather wait and have sex with you but if that's just not a possibility he’ll get as close as he can to the real thing. 

Would also probably be really into watching you masturbate infront of him

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Overstimulation, he loves pushing his partner to the brink and then gently bringing them back down, taking care of them and loving on them. Or vice versa 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Pretty boring guy, he prefers the bedroom over anywhere else

(might get a little turned up if you two try and fuck at UA)

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He’s a pretty normal guy, that is just a huge sap. He loves his partner, and his partner is what gets him going, especially if they initiate with him and try and turn him on by being sexy

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Really not into anything other than enthusiastic consent, and while he was known for quick hookups when he was younger now that he’s older he really wants sex to be intimate and mean something. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Very much into giving. This man is a god with his mouth and he knows it. Loves just being buried between your thighs for as long as you will let him. 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Both, he likes to keep your sex life changing and new, always reflecting both of your emotions for that day. Sometimes he’ll lay out rosepetals, turn on soft music and take his time with you, going slow and just enjoying your touch. Other times He’ll pin you to the counter and take you right then and there, fucking you hard until you both cum before finally letting you go

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

As a busy hero balancing three jobs, theres a lot of times where he doesn’t see his partner for weeks at a time, at least not for long. He prefers to wait until he can take his time with you, make it special but sometimes you just gotta get in that release before he has to leave again. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s pretty open to anything and everything, willing to take risks and try new things if his partner brings them up. There are very few things he wouldn’t be willing to try

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Usually a one or two round guy, he lasts pretty long, usually not cumming until his partner does (a few times) but if you get him real riled up he’ll tease and fuck you for hours, going until you’re shaking and begging to stop

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Not a big fan of toys but he isn’t against them. Occasionally he likes to pull them out to use on his partner (or himself if his partner likes to top) but for the most part he likes to be the one stimulating his partner

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Depending on his partner Hizashi could go either way, he’d be willing to tease you until youre crying and begging for him, or he can pin you down and fuck you in an instant 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s definitely vocal with his partner, he likes making sure they know he’s feeling good but he isn’t loud per say, he still wants to hear his partner and he usually doesn’t break the mood by using his quirk or being too loud

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He would be cheesy as hell and sing in the kitchen and cook you breakfast in bed the next morning after a night of rockin the bed. You’ll always know he’s coming bc he’ll belt out love songs as he cooks and then brings you the food. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Long boy, pretty thick too. His cocks pretty average by most appearance reasons but it’s pretty, he makes sure of that. Keeps himself clean and nice looking for you

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Pretty average sex drive, he’s always happy to get down and dirty with you but he is fine going without for awhile. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not very quick, he likes cuddling and chatting afterwards, spending time with his partner rather than sleeping. 

[letterboxd]

Creative Limitations.

“The media’s already polarizing enough; I guess I’m looking for things that are not polarizing and are much more nuanced about the human condition.” —Lulu Wang, writer and director of The Farewell.

One of the highest-rated films of the year, Lulu Wang’s The Farewell stars Awkwafina as Billi, a fictionalized version of Wang herself, in the story of a family in cahoots to keep their matriarch in the dark. The film is based on “a true lie”: Billi’s paternal grandmother in China, Nai Nai (played by veteran Chinese actress Zhao Shuzhen) has cancer, and the family chooses not to let her know, instead staging an elaborate fake wedding to bring the family together.

Where other independent features often develop out of a short film, Wang took her story to This American Life, a bastion of American radio storytelling. The half-hour audio version, ‘What You Don’t Know’, is what her American film producer heard; from there, the feature film came to life. It’s a quietly powerful story that has resonated with Letterboxd members for many reasons, including the authentic, hands-off way in which it comments on “the many micro-tragedies that naturally follow any family whose members—for one reason [or] another—decide to leave the family nest and search for happiness abroad”. For others, it’s even more personal: “Seeing yourself on screen probably doesn’t get better than this.”

When The Farewell opened in US cinemas in July this year, its per-theater box office average topped that of Avengers: Endgame. The film was still showing in select theaters in October, and has just been released on streaming services, including in 4K on iTunes, with a commentary track by Wang and her director of photography, Anna Franquesa Solano. “We tried to talk a lot about process, so I think that’ll be interesting,” Wang told us. (Also, “we may or may not have been drinking”.)

In time for its streaming release, we chatted with Lulu Wang about aspects of The Farewell’s production, the useful limitations of independent filmmaking, and her favorite films, from holiday movies to best soundtracks. Interview contains plot spoilers.

Lulu Wang and DP Anna Franquesa Solano on the set of ‘The Farewell’. / Photo: Casi Moss

The Farewell is standing strong in our highest rated films of 2019, and the reviews are responding to exactly the things, I imagine, that were important to you: the non-manufactured stakes, the family realness, a sense of the specific being universal, the process of grief beginning long before a person you love dies. How does it feel that your film is being so well received? Lulu Wang: I fought really hard to tell the story in such a specific way that in some ways I think my biggest fear was that the specificity would put us into a niche, and only attract a very niche audience. So, you know, the fact that there’s so many people—Asian-Americans but also non-Asian Americans—who see themselves and their family in the story is incredible to me.

You often mention the films of Mike Leigh when talking about highly specific stories that nevertheless have a universal resonance. Can you talk about some other such films and filmmakers that do this for you? Well, Yi-Yi [directed by] Edward Yang is one of my all-time favorites. The specificity, the tenderness of it. The patience of the filmmaking. I find Yi-Yi to be that. Also the humor, there’s so much charm and so much humor in it, it feels just so real.

Kore-eda’s films speak to me in that same way. I just really appreciate the patience in filmmaking. I think so often nowadays the flashiest things get the most attention, and we’ve also trained our brains to need that, right? That kind of stimulation. And so there’s something just so beautiful about a film that takes its time and that doesn’t lean on easy tricks to get attention, but that takes time to get to the heart of something very nuanced, that isn’t so obvious, that isn’t so black and white. The media’s already polarizing enough; I guess I’m looking for things that are not polarizing and are much more nuanced about the human condition.

Through The Farewell’s run, you’ve been generous about opening up the filmmaking process—this Vanity Fair bilingual script breakdown, for example, gives a good insight into how hard you worked on the script. Could you talk us through the ‘wedding portrait sequence’, in which Billi’s cousin and his wife have a series of photographs taken while Billi and Nai Nai carry on a long conversation? It’s entertaining, but it’s also important for what it reveals about Nai Nai and Billi’s relationship, Chinese wedding culture, and the underlying lie of the whole story. You must be so proud of this sequence. I am. Yeah, I’m really proud of that sequence. The photo portrait was kind of inspired a little bit by Secrets and Lies, when he takes the portrait, and the falseness of what we present when we take portraits like that in the studio, right?

Nai Nai (Zhao Shuzhen) observes yet another wedding portrait set-up in ‘The Farewell’.

One of the intentions, going through it, was minimising the dialogue and trying to condense the script, and so that made me say, “Okay, what are all these moments doing?” They’re all trying to do the same thing, which is to establish the relationship between Billi and Nai Nai, so condensing it into one sequence makes sense. And then also because so much of it is dialogue-driven, how do we make this cinematic? Because at one point the wedding photography studio was separate from these conversations between Billi and Nai Nai, you know, and so this is where, in some ways, being forced to have limitations, being forced to make a shorter film, you start to think more about layering and how do you do multiple things at once.

I really appreciate the limitations of independent filmmaking. Not always; when I’m on set and I get the budget I’m complaining! But looking back on it, those limitations are how we came up with many of our visual ideas. And then also of course it was influenced by the location itself, because we were scouting wedding studios and I wasn’t aware that these studios were so large, that they have, like, different spaces built into the same building. Because if you look at a western photo studio, like in Mike Leigh, right, it’s always the same backdrop.

So that sequence was inspired because we went location scouting, and we were like “this is ridiculous! There are ten different rooms and they all have different set ups!” So then we had this idea of them basically just wandering through the whole photography studio and we’d pick four of our favorite set-ups.

And then this idea of them being silhouetted was inspired by [Woody Allen’s 1979 film] Manhattan. I wanted to capture their relationship as a romance, and I was thinking about Manhattan and their silhouette—I think they were in a planetarium—so we came up with this idea of a continuous conversation, but that was spaced out in front of different backdrops.

Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in a scene from ‘Manhattan’ (1979).

That sequence helps us learn more about who Nai Nai was before the events in The Farewell take place. At Letterboxd, we’re often compiling top ten lists, but “best grandmothers on film” is not a highly populated category, especially films where grandmas are more than just ‘kindly’. Tell us more about fleshing out Nai Nai’s life and the importance of giving respect to older female characters. I think about that in life, too, you know. We think about a lot of people in our lives as fulfilling a particular role in relation to ourselves. That’s my mother, that’s my grandmother, that’s my teacher. Remember as a kid you don’t even think your teacher goes to the grocery store! They hide in the back of the class and then pop back up in the morning! So as a filmmaker, as a storyteller, I’m always thinking about who they are, separate from the context of their relationship to you.

That’s also part of the sadness of not being with somebody or of losing somebody is you don’t necessarily get to see them in all those different contexts and then when they’re gone, there’s so much you don’t know about them and may never know about them. And as our parents get older, your relationships to your relatives change, you know, like ‘who’s the parent?’—children often have to become the caretaker. That’s where it came from, was wanting to make sure that Nai Nai was not presented as a stereotypical grandmother. That she felt like a three-dimensional woman, a woman who was once a girl, and a young woman, someone who was once in love, or maybe in a relationship out of convenience. And also that she’s not always sweet. That’s very real.

One of the motifs in The Farewell is birds appearing at significant moments. In many cultures, a bird is a portent of something big, for example, a death in the family. Where did your bird come from? The bird for me came from wanting to put [in] something magical, but not, like, literal, you know? Meaning, I wanted to insinuate spirituality and magic, but I wanted it also to be interactive with the audience, so based on what they believe and how they interpret that bird is the meaning they get out of it, without me saying “this is what it means”. Much of the movie is about belief systems and perspectives, so I think that if you believe the bird means something, then it does. But if you don’t, and you’re a much more literal, scientific person and you go, “Oh it’s just a bird, it’s just a coincidence,” then it doesn’t mean anything.

Awkwafina leans on Zhao Shuzhen’s shoulder during filming. / Photo: Casi Moss

That’s how it is in the movie and that’s how it is in life: what you believe, and where you find meaning, becomes your reality. With Nai Nai outliving her diagnosis, the people who believe the lie is what worked will continue to believe that the lie is what worked, and people who believe that prayer is what worked… In a way, we look for signs to validate the things we believe, because it’s how we get through life! We need signs, we need meaning, even if we’re the ones who are attaching that meaning.

This far down the track, what is your fondest memory of the production period? Oh gosh, so much of it. I think just being in China, being in spaces that were in my real life, with a crew. Any time that that happened it was really emotional, like shooting in my grandmother’s neighborhood. Shooting at my grandfather’s real grave. I hadn’t seen my grandfather since I left China when I was six, because he died a few years later. To now be at his grave site, gathered there with producers and the crew, scouting it and then shooting there, you know, it was an integration of two different parts of my life that I always felt were really separate, which was my family and China and my background and culture, and then the other part of me, which is being an American, being a filmmaker in America.

In many ways, I always felt that my family didn’t understand what I wanted to do, and also I couldn’t bring who I actually was into Hollywood, there wasn’t a space for that. With this film I was able to fully integrate, bringing my American producers to China for the first time, having my grandmother come to set and see me directing with all the lights and camera and crew. Having my parents be part of the table read. It just felt, really, like I was creating from a place that felt true and real and grounded to me.

Awkwafina and Zhao Shuzhen in a scene from ‘The Farewell’.

Speaking of being grounded, what’s your go-to comfort film? The one you’ll always throw on on a rainy day? Oh, I know: The Philadelphia Story. I love that story.

What’s the film you’ve probably seen the most? The Sound of Music.

Favorite song from it? Probably ‘Edelweiss’, honestly. I’ve been watching that film since I was a kid, it’s one of my parents’ favorite films. It’s such a family film for us, and every time the father sings ‘Edelweiss’ to all the kids, I get really emotional.

What’s the film—or films—that made you want to become a filmmaker Secretary. The Apartment. Annie Hall. I know that’s taboo, I shouldn’t say that, but I have to. Like, Annie Hall, you know? When I first saw it, I was really inspired by that. And The Piano. I think, with both The Piano and Secretary, it was the exploration of female desire and female voice—and obviously as a trained classical pianist since the age of four, the symbol of the piano for her, for that character, and for me, was really meaningful.

Jane Campion’s ‘The Piano’ (1993).

Alex Weston’s soundtrack for The Farewell, which leans heavily on human voices, is something you worked closely with him on. What’s your all-time favorite film soundtrack? So many, I don’t know how to choose! Well, I have a couple. In the Mood for Love. And then, because it is related, Barry [Jenkin]’s If Beale Street Could Talk is one of the most astounding soundtracks. Barry was inspired by Wong Kar-wai for Moonlight, and so yeah, thinking about In the Mood for Love reminded me that Nick Britell’s If Beale Street Could Talk soundtrack is just incredible.

Holiday season is fast approaching: what’s your favorite holiday/Christmas film? Home Alone is a classic that we all watch. Does Fiddler on the Roof count as a Christmas film?! I don’t know. That’s my mom’s favorite. And then I have a really embarrassing one, because when we got sick of Home Alone, we had to pick a new one, and somehow we landed on Jingle All the Way. For years, we watched Jingle All the Way and just laughed our heads off.

Finally, how is Children of the New World coming along? Very slowly. I’m working on the script. I’m writing it. It’s gonna take a while, probably after all of the press is done so I can fully focus.

‘The Farewell’ is available on streaming services now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length. With thanks to A24.

[heycasbutt]

One Hell of an Interview

A/N: Dirty smutty MGG. You’ll probably want a priest and/or a cold shower after reading this.

Rating: M

Warnings: Hella dirty smut.

You raised your hand tentatively to the large oak door. Your breathing starting to turn into hyperventilating as you knocked, 3 times, and took a step back. 

“It’s just an interview, Y/N” you told yourself softly. Your slim fingers curled tighter around the strap of the messenger bag hanging from your body. 

The familiar sound of a door being unlocked made your breath stop altogether. As the door swung open you had to remind yourself to keep breathing and be pleasant. That’s what your journalism professors always told you. 

“Hello! You must be, Y/N from the local university, right?” The wavy haired man greeted you, extending an arm to shake your hand. He was in a pair of well worn jeans and a faded Pink Floyd T-shirt, your favorite band, mismatched socks adorned his feet. 

“Hello,” you smiled, taking his hand “you must be Mr. Gubler, is that correct?” You said mentally double checking the address. 

“Oh please it’s Matthew! Come in. Come in.” He said gesturing for you to follow him into his modest home. 

Drawings lined the walls and little knick-knacks took up every available shelf space. In the corner was a large desk with a lamp, and a pair of glasses delicately placed on a notepad. Around that, scripts and drafts of scripts piled up, being shoved into every nook and cranny on the desk. 

“Would you like something to drink? We’ve got juice, water, milk, Coke, wine, beer. Hell, you name it, I’ve probably got some somewhere around here,” Matthew chuckled running a hand through his hair. 

“Um, I’ll take a Coke,” you said still standing in the entryway, still nervous, still pinching yourself to make sure this was real. 

“Please, make yourself at home. Just shove anything you find on a chair or the couch to the floor and I’ll get it later,” he said disappearing into the kitchen. You perched yourself on the edge of the worn crushed velvet couch against the one wall and began digging through your bag. Pulling out a notepad and a recorder, as well as some extra pens. Just in case. 

“One Coke for you and one Jack and Coke for myself,” Matthew spoke up suddenly, almost startling you. 

“Thank you, so much” you said taking a sip of the dark liquid, almost moaning in pleasure at the burn it left behind going down your throat. 

“That good, huh? I thought I just bought the regular stuff,” the man next to you chuckled and took a sip of his own drink. 

“It’s been a while, my roommate’s been on a health kick lately and won’t let me have anything but water in the house,” you shrugged and laughed softly. 

“Ah. Damn roommates, that’s why I don’t have any,” Matthew winked and laughed softly. “Also, they get in the way when you try and bring someone home,” he added, causing you to blush profusely.

“That they do, but I don’t really have anyone to bring home. Senior year of college really does a number on your social life, you chuckled.  

“Oh I remember those days, you look rather young to be a senior in college though, how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” Matthew asked, punctuating his statement with a gulp of his drink. 

“Oh, not at all,” You responded, “I’m 20. I took some courses in high school and graduated early with my associate’s.”

“Wow, you really are a studious one, and you want to interview ME out of everyone you could have picked, you picked me?” Matthew laughed and knocked back the remainder of the dark liquid in his glass. 

“My professor, Dr. Langley said that he had you years ago and you were one of the most successful students he ever had.” You blushed softly as Matthew’s eyes seemed to search yours. 

“Oh, Dr. Langley, I remember him, I dated his daughter in college for a while-actually we were more friends with benefits if I remember correctly. He wasn’t too happy when he came home and caught us in his study one time,” Matthew laughed, the kind of laugh that seems to roll through your entire body. 

You tried to hold back a smile but a small smirk found its way onto your lips. 

“You really have a beautiful smile,”’Matthew drawled softly as he came and sat by you, an arm coming to rest on the back of the couch as he lifted his ankle to his knee and leaned back. 

“Th-Thank you, Mr. Gubler,” you stumbled over your words as you reached for your notepad in your bag. 

“You know, I really like when you call me Mr. Gubler,” Matthew growled into your ear nibbling your earlobe softly as a moan escaped your lips. 

“Oh. Oh. We probably shouldn’t do this” You breathed out. Your hand gripped his knee as his lips trailed down your neck, biting, kissing, and licking softly. 

“Why not? I’ll tell Dr. Langley you and I had the most intriguing conversation,” Matthew continued, a hand of long fingers drawing shapes on your knee now. 

“I’m 20, and you’re what? 36?!” You protested through grunts and groans of pleasure. He knew all the sweet spots on your neck, that was for sure. 

“38,” he corrected, you found your grip on his knee tightening and you gasped as he sucked a particularly sensitive spot on your neck. 

“Oh God,” you groaned softly as his hand worked its way up your thin T-shirt and started softly palming your breasts through the cotton bra you had on. 

“Oh, are you one of those women who can climax purely from nipple stimulation?” Matthew smirked as another gasp escaped your lips. 

“N-not usually,” you managed to get out before he slid your top over your head with one hand, the other working feverishly to release your breasts from the confines of your bra. 

“Guess we’ll have to test that little theory out,” Matthew winked as he attached his lips to one of your nipples, rolling and tugging the other with his hand. 

Your hands reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head tossing it God knows where. You were in ecstasy, Matthew’s lips attached to your nipple, his other hand had strayed down and was working to unbutton the slim fit jeans you wore. You knew at this point your panties were soaked, there was no way around that. 

“Oh wow, are those soaked panties because of me?” Matthew smirked as he slid a hand down your pants, running one of his long fingers against your slit. 

“Oh my-fuck!” You exclaimed as a finger slid inside you. “Yes, Yes! It’s all because of you,” you moaned in delight. Your companion smirked and placed a chaste kiss on your lips. 

“That’s what I thought,” He said with a smirk as he pulled your pants and panties down together. His fingers flew back to your center as he slid 2 fingers inside you with ease. 

“Oh my Gooooood,” you moaned arching your back against the couch. 

“I’d say this is the best interview I’ve ever been a part of,” Matthew chuckled as he positioned himself between your legs. 

“Such a pretty pussy,” he mused, licking his lips before attaching them to the space between your legs. 

“Oh holy fuck!” You groaned loudly and fisted your hands in his delicious locks. His tongue mapped out your entrance with precision, then he moved to suck furiously on your clit and you thought you were going to explode right there. 

“P-Please fuck me,” you begged as your hands grasped the air trying to reach Matthew. 

“Well, since you asked so nicely, I guess I can comply,” he smirked.  You heard the sound of a belt buckle being loosened, a zipper being dragged down, and finally the telltale sound of clothing being slid down legs. 

“Condom?” He asked cautiously. 

“I’m clean and on the injection,” you breathed out, desperate for your bodies to become one. 

“I’m clean too, so let’s do this” Matthew smiled and placed a kiss in the valley between your breasts before sliding in slowly. The two of you groaned in unison as he fully sheathed his length in your waiting center. 

“Oh fuck,” he groaned out as he thrust slowly, hitting that sweet spot inside you with every thrust. 

“F-Faster,” you breathed out, your hand coming to rub the bundle of nerves between your legs as your companion increased the intensity and speed of his thrusts. 

Before you knew it an all too familiar sensation began building in your belly, causing you to curl your toes and arch your back. 

“That’s it baby, let go,” Matthew encouraged, two fingers finding their way to your chest to pull and tug at your nipples. 

With one final thrust, you came unraveled, moaning and scraping your nails down his back as you rode out your ecstasy. Matthew wasn’t too far behind, a few more thrusts and he was spilling his seed inside you. 

“Wow. That was, amazing,” you breathed out as Matthew’s head came to rest on your chest. 

“Best interview I’ve ever been too,” He smiled and kissed you softly. 

“Same here, although you’ll have to help me write something up so I don’t get in trouble,” you giggled softly as you ran your fingers through his messy locks. 

“But first, round two,” Matthew smirked standing up and helping you up before leading you down the hall to his bedroom. 

It had been one hell of a day, and certainly, one hell of an interview. 

[rkkyul]

190711 MGA SEASON 5  +  EPISODE THREE   +   CONTESTANT #5050   ⟨  ━━  ❀ °    PART ONE: INTERVIEW   ⟩  

MENTIONED: @hobirk, @rkpwj, @rkxminkyung, @yewonxrk, @rkheejin, @danielxrk, @rkmason, @rknak, @rktaeyang, @rkkenta, @rkjeonghxn​, @rkpjy

kyulkyung finds herself in a private room yet again - relaxing back into her seat as makeup artists touch-up the glossy skin of her face, the woman coughing as she inhales a cloud of setting powder before swatting the hands away without thinking. coughing, the staff members watch her ( probably annoyed that she’s wasting their time ) but moving back in with brushes and sponges. although inhaling an unhealthy amount of powder is not on her list of favorite things about the mgas, she could definitely say she could get used to having her makeup done for her. 

she knows the drill at this point, knows to adjust her posture and make herself not look so exhausted in front of the camera. at this point during the day, the adrenaline from performing has died down and all that’s left is weariness and undoubtedly hunger. 

oh, she couldn’t wait to get a burger after this. 

despite the exhaustion of her day weighing on her shoulders, kyulkyung can’t help but look forward to one of her favorite parts of filming days: the interview.

WELCOME BACK, LET’S GET STARTED?

nodding her head, kyulkyung let her signature smile swim onto her lips - eyes on the blinking light of the camera before they settle on the lens. the interviewer begins to speak and dark orbs snap in their direction, crossing her legs and placing her hands on her knee as she awaited the first question.

Q & A    CONGRATULATIONS ON MAKING IT TO EPISODE THREE - WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION TO LAST WEEK’S ELIMINATIONS?

“well, i was definitely excited! but pretty disappointed, and scared, you know - i was pretty much a mess.” the woman laughs, “i was excited to continue and move on, but scared because i know this just gets worse. and well, i was just disappointed to see some contestants go. i mean, JUNG HOSEOK should’ve been safe - he was pretty good, wasn’t he?!”

Q & A    HOW DID IT FEEL WORKING WITH ANOTHER CONTESTANT THIS WEEK? 

“excuse my language, but i was so. freaking. excited.” when it came to working with other dancers, there was nothing the woman loved more. to learn and work with someone who was just as good ( if not better ) than yourself, that was just a treat in its own. not to mention how fun it is to perform in the end. “i love working with other dancers, and PARK WOOJIN and i worked really good together. he’s a cute and talented kid.”

Q & A    HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR AND WOOJIN’S PERFORMANCE WENT? ARE YOU SATISFIED?

“in the end, i think we pulled it off pretty well.” perhaps she was a bit biased, but she couldn’t help herself. “it was stressful preparing at times because you don’t want to be the reason you two lose, you know? and choreographing the routine made the week fun, but it definitely added some stress. but i don’t think we could’ve done any better - i mean, did you see us up there?”

Q & A    THIS WEEK’S DUO CHALLENGE IS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT WE’VE SEEN SO FAR THIS SEASON. WERE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO ANYONE’S PERFORMANCE IN PARTICULAR? 

“KIM MINKYUNG’S” the woman replied instantly, nodding her head as if agreeing with her own words. “her and CHOI YEWON were grouped together, and i just thought it would be interesting to see her working with someone else. she’s got such a stage presence on her own so i had a hard time imagining her in a duet.”

Q & A    WE’RE SURE YOU HAD SOME FAVORITE PERFORMANCES TODAY, WERE THERE ANY THAT DIDN’T MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS?

“honestly, i think i can actually say no to this.” this week had to top all performances this season, filled with a day full of new looks, performances, and expectations set. after seeing what everyone is capable of especially in a situation such as this, kyulkyung’s nerves were stimulated once again.”rather than those who didn’t meet expectations, YOON JEONGHAN and PARK JINYOUNG exceeded anything i could’ve expected. like, wow i was pleasantly surprised.”

Q & A    WHAT PAIRING SHOCKED YOU THE MOST?

“hmmm i think i’d have to say JEON HEEJIN and KANG DANIEL. they’re both super talented, but their images are so different in my opinion. heejin is just so small and cute and you want to adopt her and daniel is like... her dad? wait - can you cut that out please?”

Q & A    WHICH DUOS DO YOU THINK WILL ADVANCE TODAY?

“this is really hard to say this time around because i don’t know what the judges are looking for.” she wanted to say everyone, but she knew that was unrealistic. some teams would set foot on the mga stage for the last time - this was a competition and it’s one of the hardest things she’s done. “going off popularity, i think i would say CHOI MINHO and LEE NAKYUNG will advance, probably KANG DANIEL and JEON HEEJIN too. but i really think YOO TAEYANG and TADAKA KENTA did great this week.”

Q & A    AND WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BE SAYING GOODBYE?

“ahhh once again, i don’t know.” she bites down on her lip, gnawing on the flesh nervously. “as much as i would love to say no one, i know there will be people eliminated and at this point, it’s really hard to say. so yea, let’s pass on this!”

ALRIGHT, THANK YOU. THAT’S ALL FOR TODAY.

the woman stood and thanked the staff members, bowing and shaking hands as she went. another day, another interview. and now she’s ready for that burger.

[waltdisneyconfessions]

ASK A DISNEY MANAGER: QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

This is a repost because of accidental deletion. Awhile back you guys sent in questions for a Disney Manager, below are his responses! Thank you!

1. What is the worst experience/mistake you've ever made with a guest? What is the best experience you've had with a guest?  I think my worst experience or moment was during my college program. I remember arriving at merge area at Peter Pan's Flight where Fastpass and standby guests merge into one line, and the Fastpass line was extremely long. I stepped in and tried my best to get the Fastpass line under control and I remember a few families in the standby line yelling obscenities at me. Once I began to let a few standby guests in, all I remember was five or six adults standing around me in a circle, screaming at me. I was so stressed that I tried to grab the attention of the person working to load guests onto the attraction, to ask if she would switch with me briefly because I thought I was going to break down and begin crying. Instead, I walked away from the merge area with no Cast Member there for a minute or two. I walked over to the person working in the load position, and said, "I'm really sorry, but I can't work in that position right now." We swapped positions until one of my managers could pull me aside to talk. I honestly thought I was going to get into trouble for walking away, but my manager was understanding and spent a few minutes with me to make sure I was okay. 

2. As someone who was a Disney manager, would you openly recommend it as a job to anyone who would want to work at Disney?

Personally, I would recommended working for Disney!

As with any job, I would also encourage those interested in working at Disney to evaluate and make decisions about their own career path before immediately making the jump to work for the company. Do your homework! Determine exactly what you would like your career path to be, study and read up on the company culture, and be prepared to work hard.

Also remember that Disney is massive Fortune 500 company, operating domestically and internationally. If working for a large corporation isn’t your thing, I wouldn’t recommend Disney. Most often, moving up within the organization can take time because it is competitive.

3. how do they handle workers who don't speak English? at some point that must have happened right?

In many Guest facing roles, you are required to have a basic understanding of the English language, or be able to speak English to communicate with Guests. However, bilingual skills a great qualification that the company looks for in job candidates. If a Cast Member doesn’t possess strong verbal communication skills or basic English, he or she may work in a backstage role where guest contact is limited.

4. For the former manager: did you ever have a heart warming experience while working at Disney? Or was it all work and no spark? Many thanks for taking your time to answer questions ️

Actually, I have a few really heartwarming moments from my time at Disney, but one of my favorites moments involved me assisting with surprising a young guest with a tour the Cinderella Castle Suite whose favorite character was Cinderella. The highlight of the tour was seeing the expression on the guest’s face when she knocked on the door to the Suite and Cinderella opened it. I, along with her parents and a few other Cast Members involved, were on the verge of tears.  

5. What's the snottiest, most entitled guest you've ever dealt with? And any recs for getting into the Disney College Program? Is there a chance to move up in the company into, say, the writing division in animation? Thank you so much <3

This is tough one for me because I can’t think of a specific story. That’s probably because the person acted so entitled that I wanted to completely erase them from my memory once they were gone. lol.

I will say that I’ve dealt with several Guests who have tried to essentially “pull rank” or highlight their social status by mentioning they were either lawyers or doctors when things weren’t going their way or they weren’t satisfied. I’ve also dealt with people who have tried to belittle me (and even other Cast) by assuming most of us didn’t graduate high school or attend college because we worked in a theme park. I’ll be honest, I often take words to heart, so there were moments at the end of the day when I questioned who I was and what I was doing with my life. I can’t describe the feeling I would get when I felt defeated because someone decided to belittle me…but… the good always outweighs the bad…seriously!

Even though Disney can be a competitive environment, yes, there are opportunities of moving up. I think using the College Program as your stepping stone is a great start! As for getting into the program, I would recommend opening yourself to as many roles as possible when you’re applying. I often hear that you chances are better if you don’t limit yourself to only one or two roles. These positions aren’t always going to be glamorous, but it’s what you make of it. If you are hoping to build a career at Disney, remind yourself that it has to start somewhere…and that somewhere may not be in the role you envisioned yourself. I recommend reading up on the roles available to DCP participants just to get an idea.  Apply early! During the interview process think about how you respond to situational questions using your past experience. Be prepared to discuss your strengths and weaknesses, and have a few follow-up questions for after the interview. I could go on and on!! If you need more advice with the process, let me know and I would be glad to give you even more preparation tips.

Finally, as for landing a career within animation, I would recommend the path of doing a college program, to familiarize yourself with the Disney culture (be a strong and consistent performer during your DCP experience),and  looking for an internship after that… Here’s a good link to check out: https://www.disneyanimation.com/careers/interns-apprentices#life-at-disney

6. can I just ask if there's something like special training on supporting Autistic Adults? Or just facilities in general? I'm saving to go to Florida next year for DisneyWorld but I'm very scared on how I may be treated if I start reacting badly to overstimulation :/

Cast Members complete training for assisting guests with specific needs, including autism, and how to assist guests requiring special assistance as part of the training process. When I worked in Guest Relations, I had to familiarize myself with the location of “break areas” throughout the parks which are helpful for individuals becoming over-stimulated. However, I think more Cast Members working in the park need to become more familiar with these locations.

Overall though I wouldn’t fear making the trip to WDW. I would recommend planning out your trip and studying up before taking your trip. Disney has some good planning resources including information for services for Guests with cognitive disabilities available on their website, and they also have a Guest with Disabilities department that can contact by phone or email before your visit.

7. how often did guests have asinine requests? like stupid things: "can you make the rain stop?"

Or… can we see Walt’s frozen corpse at the castle? lol. I’ve heard that one a couple of times. I also remember being asked by a father whose child wasn’t tall enough to ride an attraction, “what if I stuff my child’s shoes and come back later? Will you let him ride then?”

8. what are the best secrets that guests can access at the parks but few do? Also is the paintbrush on tom Sawyer island actually a thing? One last thing, what is the pay like? (Answer if you want, I know it’s not necessarily my place) I’ve always wanted to work there but I live in Ohio so I’m deciding whether it’s worth it to move. Thank you and you’re an amazing human being <3

I think some of the best secrets aren’t found within attractions or shows, but in some of the smallest details that Guests tend to overlook. For me, I enjoy the fact that the parks are full of small Easter eggs. For example, there is a telephone in the back of the Chapeau (the hat shop on Main Street) at Magic Kingdom. It looks like a simple prop hanging on the wall, but when you pick it up you can hear a funny “party line” conversation between two people. Or, if you’re ever in the lower level of the Main Street train station, you’ll hear a telegraph tapping out the Walt Disney’s opening day speech for Disneyland in Morse code.

I wouldn’t think of this as much of a secret, but one of my favorite Disney treats is a peanut butter & jelly milkshake from 50’s Prime Time Café. Many people think you have to dine there to order one, but if you stop by the Tune-In Lounge next door, you can order one to-go! If you’ve never had one though, you must!

Paintbrushes at Tom Sawyer Island did exist for quite some time, and it was a great scavenger hunt, especially for younger guests, but the Magical Moment was removed several years ago.

To answer your question about pay, I think it depends on your role. I think most people forget there are a wide variety of roles at Walt Disney World alone. I don’t know the exact current starting pay rates for guest-facing hourly positions, but the range is anywhere between $8 to just over $12 depending on the type of role.

And if that "you're an amazing human being comment was directed at me"... Thanks so much! I appreciate that! :)

9. I always loved Disney Quest, and we made one final trip when we heard it was closing. We had a blast, but the main attractions did look run down and out of date, and we constantly joked about the ps2 style graphics. It seemed like Disney sunk a lot of money into DQ for opening day and did little else to update it since. Do you have any info on why this was, or on what led to Disney Quest closing down? I feel like there was still a lot of potential there, especially with Disney's new properties

I think people have created their own theories behind the demise of DisneyQuest.  DQ was a pretty ambitious project by a division of the company known at the time as Disney Regional Entertainment. The long term goal was to open DisneyQuest locations in several major cities throughout the country. DisneyQuest Chicago opened in 1998 and closed two years later. Groundbreaking for another location in Philadelphia started and was halted after the DisneyQuest concept didn’t sustain itself in Chicago, and there were a number of reasons thrown out for its failure…from the theme park admission price structure to enter, to the lack of return visits, and Disney simply misunderstanding the market which led to low attendance.  

Unfortunately, I don’t have the exact “why” behind the closing of DQ at WDW. I think many will say that a lack of investment was the primary cause. I will agree there wasn’t much invested into DQ after the property transferred hands from Disney Regional Entertainment to WDW park operations. I think one of the biggest challenges for Disney was keeping up with the rapidly evolving technology trends to ensure that DisneyQuest stayed relevant, and the possibility of having update attractions within the building frequently to keep up. In the end, I think executives within Disney figured it would be wiser to invest its money into its largest attendance draw, its theme parks.

10. What was your best day and what was your worst day working? My worst day? Hmm...working in Guest Relations when it started raining during the last two hours of a Halloween Party. I remember the line for Guest Relations stretching across Town Square on Main Street...and there were lots of angry people. I wouldn't say it was the worst day, but it was definitely stressful. It's difficult to narrow it down to just one because I've quite a few memorable days. I think one of the best days involved the Cinderella Suite magical moment I was part of (mentioned in a previous question).  11. What was the weirdest complaint someone brought to Guest Relations?

A guest who was upset because he ended up getting wet while riding Splash Mountain. He tried his hardest to convince me there was nothing convincing him that he or his family would get wet on the ride, and that the rest of his day was ruined because his shirt was wet. Try listening to that with a straight face and concerned face…

12. if you had been high enough on the food chain to make larger changes to the park, what would be the most important thing you'd want to accomplish?

Hmm, interesting question. The first...BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL JOURNEY INTO IMAGINATION attraction, with some slight updates.

Although it’s practically unrealistic, if there was one thing could change about WDW would be its size, and try removing some of the growing pains that have come as a result of the WDW sprawl. I often think that Walt Disney World expanded at a pretty rapid pace, and maybe much too quickly at times.  After my first visit to Disneyland almost 15 years ago, I fell in love with the place. I felt like Guests had a personal connection to Disneyland, and that wasn’t something I had ever really noticed in Florida. As corny as it sounds, there is a certain charm about Disneyland and I think a lot of that not only has to do the fact that it was the only Disney park that Walt was involved in operationally, but it also has something to with the size and walkability of the resort.

13. How do you feel about the union negotiations? (From a current and scared part timer in the parks)

What has you scared?  My feelings are rather mixed about the current negotiations. I’ll be honest and say that I do think pay increases are needed, and that Cast Members are generally held to a standard higher than any other individual working within similar positions in the industry. I’m just not completely certain if $15/hour is going to be the solution. I don’t think I’m best person to ask regarding facts and figures because I’m not an economist.

As an outsider looking in, I do think that the negotiations has had an impact on service levels within Disney’s parks and resorts. I think the union will continue leverage the belief that if the organization expects such high performance standards, then Cast Members need to be paid appropriately to reflect those expectations.

On the other side of the debate, I think it’s possible to see a future where Disney will eventually begin to heavily focus on marketing its attractions and experiences to continue to entice people to visit, remove those high expectations often place on hourly guest-facing roles, and treat the role of Cast Member as simply a “ride attendant” or “sales associate” rather than placing emphasis on the role of a Cast Member as something unique (hopefully, that makes sense and it doesn’t appear that I’m rambling).  

One thing I will stand by is this… I recommend that Cast Members take time to develop their skill and not allow themselves to become complacent. Personally, I’ve witnessed a lot of that during my time with the company. I had moments when I felt that way about myself as well.  I know that each person has a different story, and a different set of circumstances, but I would love to see more hourly Cast Members try to advantage of Disney’s education funding/reimbursement program. I’m not certain if the new higher education program benefits announced earlier this year are available to WDW hourly employees, but if so, I would encourage people to take advantage of it! Even if a person thinks they are not cut out for college, the new program covers vocational training which provides individuals with a better opportunity to develop their skills.

14. What was your favorite magical moment you gave and received? [see Cinderella Castle Suite response] 15. Do you know what kind if engineers Disney hires the most? I'm looking at electrical engineering for college but I'm not sure if that's a good approach if I want to work at Disneyworld or Disneyland.

I think electrical engineering is a good choice and you’ll definitely find a number of positions seeking individuals with backgrounds in that specialization. It’s tough to say which types of engineers the company hires the most of, but I think some of the most common consist of mechanical, electrical, systems engineering, and even audio/visual engineering.

As you make your decision, I would definitely pay a visit to disneycareers.com and do a job search for engineering. I think you’ll learn that there is a pretty diverse offering of engineering roles not only in Parks and Resorts, but companywide as well.

Mod Jen: I’m going to butt in here: I was close with many of the maintenance team at Disney and I know straight from them that electrical is much more lucrative than mechanical, because you’re at greater risk. You also get paid more. 

16. If I want to become an imagineer at the parks, is there anything I can do to improve my chances of being hired as one?

Definitely ensure that you have a degree specialized in a field of engineering, art, or another creative field. If you are into design, it will be important that you start building a professional portfolio as well.

If you’re currently in college or a recent graduate, I would highly recommend looking into Professional Internships with Walt Disney Imagineering (WDI). I think the professional internship is a great way to “get your foot in the door” and understand the culture of Imagineering. I know a few people who have taken the internship route, worked hard, and were offered opportunities to continue their career with Imagineering after graduation. If you’ve been out of school for a while, I recommend looking for entry level positions within WDI, or take on a job with a design or engineering firm elsewhere so that you can develop some career experience. I know some Imagineers weren’t always Disney “fanatics” or knew much about the history of Disney prior to joining, but they’re experience and portfolio stood out as something Disney saw as creative or unique.

For designers, WDI hosts an annual design competition for college students and recent grads called “Imaginations” which gives winners the opportunity to be considered for internships.

17. Hi! I was wondering is there an age limit for DCP? I'd love to apply before I move out to CA for grad school. I'm 30. I also have multiple disabilities, mainly Cerebral Palsy. What jobs can be done from a power wheelchair? How accessible is Disneyland?

There is no age limit on the DCP. At one of my locations, I worked with someone who was 45 years old when she did her first program. As long as you’re enrolled full-time or part-time at a university, or a recent graduate. Utilizing a power wheelchair isn’t an issue at all, and there are a variety of positions you would be able to work within Disney’s parks and resorts. There will probably be some limits working in some roles though (such as some attractions) since those may require the ability to travel up or down stairs to access areas of the attraction when it’s needed.

Overall, I think Disney does an excellent job when it comes to accessibility within its parks. If you were to compare accessibility between the two parks in Anaheim, Disney’s California Adventure would probably win since it was built more recently with ADA accessibility in mind. Disneyland still does a great job with accessibility though, it’s just that many of the attractions may not have queues that are wheelchair accessible, so instead they use alternate entrances.

18. What are your guys' favourite Disney rides? Have you guys went to some of the other parks outside of the US?

My all-time favorite is The Haunted Mansion. I’ve always been obsessed about the early history and the development of the attraction. Laugh if you want, but It’s a Small World is another one of my favorites (I worked there during my college program). Spaceship Earth is another. I have yet to visit any of the Disney parks outside of the US. Tokyo Disneyland is on my list of must-sees!

19. How did you work up the ladder to manager? What position did you start in, how did you get that position, and what other positions did you have between then and manager?

I began my Disney career as a part-time attractions host at Space Mountain which lasted about two months before I transferred to a full-time attractions host role at DisneyQuest. It was during my time at DisneyQuest that I decided I wanted to become a Disney leader. Before stepping into an actual leadership position with Disney, you often have to take on the challenge of informal leadership positions, such as a trainer or coordinator. Six months after starting at DQ, I interviewed for an attractions trainer position and that became my first step to gaining some leadership experience.

During my time as a trainer, I began to communicate regularly with another manager who became my mentor, and he helped guide me through me through the process of strengthening my resume and interview skills. After spending a year at DisneyQuest, my mentor and the operations manager suggested that I transfer from DisneyQuest to an attraction at a park as a way of gaining more experience working at an attraction with a high guest capacity. I took their advice and transferred to Mission:Space at Epcot and became a trainer within six months of working there.

During this period, I was also given an amazing opportunity to join the Disney Traditions team as a Traditions Assistant facilitator. For those unfamiliar with Disney, Traditions is the new hire orientation that all company employees go through. This was a year-long, “once-in-your-Disney-career,” experience that I think helped open doors for me at WDW as well.

Almost two years after starting with Disney, I went through a process known at the time as Leadership Casting Call. This was the process WDW used to identify and develop a pool of talent to become Guest Service Managers for each line of business at Disney’s parks and resorts. After lots of networking, mock interview preparations, and finally, the actual interviews, I was selected to be part of the talent pool. My first temporary position as a manager took me back to DisneyQuest. This would also be the place where I would end up becoming a full-time manager about 8 months later.

20.  Is Splash Mountain an awkward subject to discuss? Have people asked about what that ride is based off of, & if they do, were you allowed to tell them about Song of the South, or did you have to lie & say it's an original attraction just like Haunted Mansion or Jungle Cruise?

Honestly, I’ve never had to have an awkward conversation about Splash Mountain. I think majority of the population may not connect the attraction with the movie Song of the South.

21. What has been one or more of the craziest experiences/incidents you ever had working for Disney?

     Splash Mountain probably led to some of my craziest and most interesting challenges ever. One of the craziest moments though was witnessing a ride vehicle at Splash Mountain nearly on the verge of sinking with Guests onboard because the log was taking on too much water.  Everyone was okay, but they pretty much drenched from the waist down. The family was pretty understanding in the end and actually ended up being some of the nicest people I’d ever interacted with while working at Disney.

[especially-heinous-ada]

A Police Gala pt. 3

(photo is of the reader’s TV room) royalty free image found at https://www.pexels.com/photo/apartment-ceiling-chair-decoration-276653/ 

After some disappointment and struggle (my original was lost after my laptop failed), I have managed to re-write part three of the reader x Barba series. I just want to say thank you, and I’m glad that people seem to be enjoying it so far! I hope you enjoy part three, as well. There is some smut here for you, but it’s not what you think haha. 

If you haven’t already, please read part one and part two. 

Rafael set off down the street at a leisurely pace. He wasn’t exactly in a hurry to return to his empty apartment and be alone after having spent last few hours in pleasant company. He watched the water spray out from under his footsteps as he walked.  For a moment, he debated on stopping for a nightcap, but decided against it. His sopping wet suit clung to his body in a rather unpleasant manner as he walked. Luckily, it wasn’t too far a distance from your apartment to his. He found it an ironic twist of fate that you lived so close together, were both involved with law enforcement, and yet you still had no idea the other existed until now. It wasn’t long before he reached his apartment building. He stopped underneath the building’s awning, closing his umbrella and giving it a hearty shake to slough off as much rain as possible before going inside.

“Good evening, Giles.” He greeted the older doorman

“Good evening, Mr. Barba.” The man replied jovially. “Had a rough night?”

“Actually, it was quite lovely. Until this.” Rafael motioned to his entire body, in its soaking wet state. “It’s alright, though. It perked up at the end.” Giles nodded and considered Rafael’s words for a moment before responding.

“Well, have a good night. Take care not to catch cold.” He said. He seemed like he would ask more, but didn’t. Rafael wondered why, but supposed he, himself, was probably to blame for that. The older man was quite pleasant and Rafael enjoyed the occasional conversation with him, but he rarely had time to spare more than a line or two. He was always in a rush to get to the office in the morning and on the brink of exhaustion when he returned home at night.

He entered the elevator and pressed the button to ride up to the top floor, which was split between two large suites, his and that of his neighbor—an eccentric young tech guru. He rarely saw his new neighbor, and they never exchanged more than a nod of acknowledgement. That was fine with him. He suspected they didn’t have anything in common, anyway. A large group of people stood in the hallway outside their doors. Another party?  Rafael groaned and rolled his eyes. As he got out of the elevator, the group piled in. He wasted no time going straight to his door, opening the lock and ducking inside.

He put his umbrella in its holder by the door and slipped off his shoes, feeling too lazy to take care of them properly. He immediately crossed the apartment over to his bedroom, eager to change into something warm and dry. Once in his bedroom, he strips off his suit and hangs it on a rack to dry. He swaps out his underwear for a fresh pair and wonders whether it’s worth it to put pajamas on. He decides it’s not and lays down in bed. He mentally revisits his goodbye with you from earlier tonight and smiles.

Suddenly, he sits up and throws the covers off himself. He heads over to the rack where his suit jacket is hanging and slides his fingers into breast pocket carefully, taking the paper out slowly to avoid ripping it. He wanted to put your number in his contacts before he forgot. He looks down at it and frowns. The ink is smudged, making the phone number illegible. He sighs.

He tried to think of another way to contact you, but he had none. He knew that rich people like their privacy, so it was extremely difficult to try and contact them directly. He couldn’t just show up your apartment like a stalker. That was a sure fire way to guarantee you’d get a restraining order against him. He sat down, feeling defeated, thinking maybe he was destined to be alone.

I finally found an amazing woman, who’s interested in me, gives me her number and tells me to call her, and this happens.

He sighs again and climbs under the covers, thinking of the woman that he’s sure he’s lost his chance with.

God, she’s amazing. She’s intelligent, funny, talented, intriguing, successful, and sexy as hell. His mind turns back to the images from your lingerie photo shoot. He groans, feeling emotionally and sexually frustrated. At least he can solve one of those problems tonight, he thinks as he slips one hand underneath the covers.

Your breath is quick and jagged. What are you doing to me, Rafael Barba? You think. You’d thought that if you could get some release, you could relax, but neither your hands nor your toys could satiate you when you thought of him. And you couldn’t stop thinking of him. You turned onto your side, peering at the clock on your bedside table. It read 12:00 A.M.

You groaned and rolled out of bed, not bothering to put on pants because you knew you were alone in your apartment. You crossed over into the kitchen and pulled out a fresh bottle of wine from your wine cooler. You then grab a corkscrew from a nearby drawer and pop the bottle open. Tossing the corkscrew into the sink, you take a big gulp from the bottle and cross over into your TV room, sinking down onto your white leather couch. If some one-on-one time won’t take your mind off of him, maybe alcohol and late night television will.

You grab the remote and turn on the television.

“Today, the verdict came back in the trial of the “Date night ripper”of Manhattan.” At the conclusion of the trial, the jury returned a guilty verdict on twelve counts, including multiple counts of rape, murder, and mutilation of a corpse—”  

“Sick son of a bitch.” You say, taking another large gulp of wine.

“The prosecutor at the head of the trial had this to say.” The live video from the news station cut to a pre-recorded interview, which a caption indicated had been filmed earlier that day. Descending the steps of the courthouse, you see none other than Rafael Barba. You groan. Another gulp of wine.

“Of course, we feel really good about the verdict. We believe the jury ruled correctly. We’re glad that the citizens of New York can sleep a little easier tonight knowing that this man will not be roaming the streets—” He goes on to give a generic speech about how justice was served, etc. A typical speech , likely to be given by any A.D.A. who just won a case. However, that’s the only typical thing about him in that interview. His hair was perfectly coiffed and he wore a light grey suit with a peach checked dress shirt and baby blue matching tie and pocket square. You were impressed by his ability to dress himself so fashionably.

You groan out of frustration and click the power button on the remote. The television had not helped. Standing up, you cross the room to the table by your entryway, where you had left your phone earlier in your rush to get to your bedroom. You search your phone contacts to find someone tolerable enough to help you with this problem, as you obviously can’t handle it on your own.

“Hello, Damian. I miss you.” You purr as the handsome man answers your call. “How soon can you get here?”

Damian arrived outside the door of your penthouse suite in 20 mintues flat. You open the door and pull him inside, taking him directly to the bedroom. You waste no time pulling him toward the bed and stripping down to nothing. Damian was a model you used to work with. The two of you never discussed the possibility of being in a relationship. He’s not the kind to settle down with, but you can count on him to keep you company on the long, lonely nights.  Though you didn’t need the stimulation, you needed something to distract you from Rafael. Very badly.

You lay back on the bed and he positions himself between your legs. You moan softly as he kisses you, starting with your lips, then trailing down your body until he starts to lick the tender skin of your inner thigh. He shifts up and releases a hot breath on your renewed arousal and you groan. Finally, he takes you in his mouth and starts to suck. That’s right. Forget about Rafael. Focus on Damian. He switches from sucking to licking. Yes. Damian. Damian is quite good with his mouth. Being honest, this was your favorite part of the nights you spent together.

You run your fingers through his hair as he speeds up his rhythm. Your mind suddenly flashes to the image of Rafael’s perfectly coiffed hair from on the television interview and you can’t help but wonder how it would feel in your hands, with his head between your legs instead of Damian’s. The imagery intensifies your arousal. You’re supposed to be forgetting about him. Frustrated, you let out a low growl. Damian misreads the noise as one of pleasure. He lifts his head up to look at you.

“Ay, you’ve never made that noise for me before, mami.” He says with a cocky grin. You recognize that grin. You’ve seen it before—on Rafael’s face. Frustrated once more, you take Damian by the back of the head to direct him back to your center. He gladly returns to his previous task and takes you in his mouth, licking and sucking anew. Your breathing quickens. You try hard to think about something, anything, other than Rafael Barba as you feel the familiar pressure grow.

“Come for me, mami.” Damian says. “Come for me.” After resisting for a few more moments, you finally obeyed and allowed yourself to submit to your release. Waves of heat crashed over you and you felt dizzy. As you let the feeling overtake you, you panted and moaned and muttered something, over and over like a prayer. In the fervor of it all, you’re not sure what you said, and you don’t care to remember. You slide away from Damian and put an arm over your face, trying to steady your breathing as you start to come down from your high.  

“Who’s Rafael?”

You uncover your face and bolt upright.

“What do you mean?” You ask, confused.

“You said Rafael when you came, not my name. So who is he and why is he not here with you, instead of me? Kinda messed up to fuck a guy when you’re thinking about someone else.” Damian said, obviously pissed. Not that you blamed him. After all, you had just said another man’s name in bed with him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Damian. You didn’t even get a chance to get naked.” You apologize. “You should probably go. I can pay your cab fare—”

“Nah, that’s fine.” He says. Then he thinks for a moment. “On second thought, can I have the rest of that wine?” He asks, pointing to the bottle on your bedside table. You agree with a nod. It’s the least you can do for using him like that, you think, feeling guilty. He picked it up and took a big swig.

“Good luck with that Rafael dude.” He says before crossing the room and walking out the door.

“Bye, Damian.” You call after him sheepishly as you listen to him make his exit and close your front door behind him.

You wake up the next morning, determined to do something about this situation. You couldn’t keep obsessing over a man you spent one night with and didn’t even fuck. To be quite frank, it terrified you how quickly Rafael Barba had become such a large part of your thoughts. It had only been three nights since your encounter. But he promised he would call. You were irritated that he dared to lie to your face. You didn’t know what you wanted—for him to apologize and ask you on a date, or for the opportunity to tell him off and kick him in los juevos. Whatever happened, you needed closure.

Since he was an attorney, you knew exactly where he spent most of his time. Luckily, you were familiar with the DA’s office, having toured it with the DA himself when you were a potential donor for his re-election campaign earlier that year. You took your time getting dressed, styling your hair and applying your makeup. You wanted to make sure he knew what he had been missing out on for the better part of that week. When you were finished, you looked yourself over in the mirror with a grin before heading out the door. Rafael Barba wouldn’t know what hit him.

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

one of my favorite things is when people are writing about b and they say stuff along the lines of "he was the biggest i've ever had" or talk about how big he is. one time i saw someone claim b to be 8-9 inches and its so funny to me bc by looking at any pictures hes average at best but i mean hey i feel like what he lacks in length he makes up for in thickness

OMG i came across the 9 inch schlong in a fic once too; wonder if we read the same one? haha, i literally read that n thought “keep dreaming. it’s about half that.” NINE INCHES? a guy could be 8 inches MAYBE, although 9 is possible ..that’s A LOT to deal with n esp if he was also significantly wider than average would actually make things difficult (eg manual, oral–he couldn’t get much of his dick stimulated at once, certain kinds of frottage/outercourse even wouldn’t be easy, let alone piv or pia. even yr hand, mouth, etc could get sore. n it’d probably be difficult or at least slooow for him to come.) (n is certainly not our b). and i’ve seen “the biggest i’ve ever had” several times n i’m like…how big do you think our wee boy is? what’s yr idea of average dick size? what are you comparing him to? do you think he stepped out of mainstream porn? (and here’s where it gets tricky bc average sizes change based on nation n race to an extent although it’s prob not that pc to say–b is american, white n polynesian n those tend to be smaller on average than other races/nations).

he’s under 5 inches *for sure* (smaller than average which is 5.0-5.3 usually in studies. studies that find higher are typically based in self reporting aka guys add a half inch to an inch in their reporting ha) (i’ve considered this at length haha n have a couple tags about it or you can search for keywords like “a certain body part” or “peepee” lol) n i wouldn’t be surprised if he was 4.5 like audrey said. jon walker also HEAVILY intimated that b was small-dicked in that “a certain body part” uk interview pretty odd era n b shrugged as if indicating yep. average thickness probably, but maybe proportionately thinner too (so like 1.3-1.4 instead of 1.5) but i am not as invested in my belief about width as i am about length. 

size doesn’t really matter to me, but average or smaller is prob my preference to the extent i have one. i think i’ve been thinking significantly about smaller than average dicks the last year or so n it has a lot to do with b if i’m being honest. so maybe size matters to me, but in the reverse of how people think it does ;) i don’t spend much time specifically thinking about size with b or other dudes (even when they are larger than average as long as we’re not talking over 7 inches the idea of which could put me off but if i was into the guy n he was a sweetie i don’t think i’d let it get in the way of a real good time so to speak) but sometimes i even thinking of him as smaller, like 4 inches (or even a lil shorter) n 1-1.3 inches wide but i don’t think he’s that size irl. i like the idea of him fitting places well, eg in a mouth, hand, between labia, squishing together with his dick between our pelvises, or between my lips, or sliding his tip over me while i jack him onehanded. n i think his size would’ve worked in his favour with others more than it would put people off, esp when in high school (like i think girls would think it looked smol n cute n holdable n pettable n they’d want to do lots of Sex Stuff with him wink wonk but maybe i’m reading too much of myself into that assumption)

holy shit this ended up longer than i expected (unlike b’s dick. ba dum tish)

[alexsaurus]

What do I want to be when I grow up?

This is a hard one to write.

I don’t know anymore.

This weekend has just been stress, anxiety, bittersweet relief, and sadness.

I’m quitting my job at Kings Island today. I had such a strong feeling of anxiety before work on Saturday that I nearly threw up a couple times at my house. I ended up calling off because of it.

Quite honestly, I’m kind of put out with amusement parks. The people who work at Kings Island’s Adventure Express are truly incredible humans who love and support each other. A large portion of guests (not a majority, but not an insignificant minority) goes to parks with a chip on their shoulders, just looking for something to be outraged by and someone defenseless to yell at. Those people don’t deserve parks, honestly. I’m sure I’ll still go to them, but I’m feeling extremely disenchanted with that entire segment of the world right now.

People I trust but who have never supported my dreams used this weekend as an opportunity to point out that working at KI is unhealthy for me. Given the aforementioned anxiety, I think that’s true, but I can’t help but feel like admitting ANY weakness is vindicating/empowering them to say “I told you so.” Especially since they pointed out that I’ve interviewed with three roller coaster companies this year and none of them have worked out, “so maybe it’s a sign they don’t want you? You should probably read between the lines.” I don’t want to discredit that immediately just because it’s not what I want to hear, but it’s hard to hear that advice from someone who has passive-aggressively opposed this dream for YEARS. I don’t feel like you were ever invested in it with me, so it’s hard to take advice to give up seriously.

I have no idea if I’m giving up on that “design roller coasters” dream or not, but I think I need to take a break from it. I’m tired of fighting to please people who don’t appreciate it.

Even relaxing my grip on that dream, though, makes me feel a mourning-like sadness. I have been so sad since having that conversation on Saturday. It’s like part of me has died. Does that mean I was investing myself too much? If it is, can someone please explain to me how to be passionate about something without it absorbing into your soul? Because I thoroughly don’t understand that. My passions are one of my favorite things about me.

It doesn’t help that my sister got married a week ago and moved out. This is my first time not living with her, ever. She’s my best friend. I love her so dang much. I truly never understood Empty Nest Syndrome until this week. It’s the worst. I had to try not to sob when talking about my feelings on Saturday.

Side note: I also got (kindly) called out on how I don’t put myself out there to meet more people, which is something I’ve called myself out on on here before. It’s both reassuring and frazzling to have something you see in yourself get noticed by other people. RUDE (haha.)

If one good thing happened this weekend, it was that I finally had a frank conversation with my parents about the parts of being an engineer that absolutely suck my soul dry, and why those things are what pushed me towards the amusement industry. They (at minimum humored, at best listened to) me when I said how I HATE being trapped at a desk, not talking to anyone, and not doing anything creative that stimulates me. And that turned into a conversation about possibly going back to school. Whether or not they meant what they said I don’t know, but they at least entertained the idea instead of telling me something like, “Oh, you just need to get used to it./You just need to find a different company to be an engineer for.” (Which is the usual gist of their replies when I’ve mentioned that in the past.) I was also encouraged to have a kind but frank conversation with my boss about how I’m feeling at my job since there *are* things he could do help. I think I’m gonna try it, because I literally can’t tolerate another year of being so bored I feel like I’m losing my mind.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Tumblr and from studying personality types, it’s that I sincerely crave intimate connection with people. I’m strongly considering going to school for something psychology- or social work-related. I’m intrigued by the idea of being something like a therapist. I dunno. I don’t have it all figured out. I’ve been a little busy existing the last couple days in a state where the right gentle nudge could make me cry, haha.

If you’re still reading this, please know how much I appreciate you.

It’s all growth, and I think the net effect of this weekend will be positive. I’m just in a valley of grief and unwelcome change right now, and I just need to talk about it. So, I rant to the internet. [shrug] Totally won’t ever bite me in the butt, amirite? :P

If you have advice or encouragement, it would mean a lot to hear it right now.

[westcoastprancer]

My Auto-Spaz-Ography

***WARNING - WAY TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY PROFANITY***

Getting past the only child bullshit...sue me I guess? Not my fault my parents could only handle one of me. Pretty annoying growing up hearing from morons that I must be a spoiled little shit...

Can’t really argue there. Aside from self-inflicted hunger (you know...that junior high self image bullshit..starve and lose 5 lbs in a weekend), I’ve never gone hungry. I’ve never been cold, without clothes, or a roof over my head. I was taught values. So yeah, I am fucking spoiled rotten. No apologies there.

People who continuously stay “stuck” royally piss me off. These weirdos are toxic. Avoid them at all costs. They will not change. You will thank me for this piece of advice sometime in your life. Everybody’s got a problem. So do I. Set goals for yourself. Get the fuck off your sad ass every couple weeks. Find your best friend (if you don’t have one of those...you should seriously consider working on finding one) get trashed, talk it out and let that shit go for a while. If you’re stuck in a rut for more than 2-3 months, get help. Seriously. It’s not embarrassing. It’s way more shitty in the long run when you turn out to be the aforementioned person who just stays fucking “stuck”. On another note, subject of the week has been middle aged divorced broads with kids and how sly and bitchy they are. If they go ape shit on me before getting their facts straight, imagine what they do to all these poor men? No fucking wonder a good, non hot dog throwing down hallway status, loyal, no bullshit broad like me can’t find a solid dude. The good dudes are out there getting berated by these broads they knocked up and can’t get out of it now because...you know...the kids and stuff. I’m glad I took a different path. Can’t imagine being in that desperate place looking for affection because I am 37-47 year old wrinkly, loosey goosey broad thinking I was tossed aside by a shitty man, when I am the nutbag...just looking for attention. It’s easy to get laid. No strings. No problems. Many people make it way too complicated. My friend’s brother is hilarious. He is kinda a douche and I love his stories about profiling chicks. My favorite was when he told this broad at the bar she looked beautiful and she said how he made her day! (First red flag) They go to exchange numbers and she once again tells him what a nice time she had meeting him ( nothing wrong with that) but then goes on daily wishing him a good day. That’s another desperate sign. Come to find out...middle aged. Divorced. Kids. Lonely in the panties. You know the drill. I used to host this radio show called Cryin’ Lovin’ Laughin’ or Leavin’ so I learned these things sort of young. You remember the patterns of people. You know warning signs of crazy. Here’s the most invaluable lesson, most people are batshit crazy. Keep the wall up a while. Test people. I have caught so many good people (so I thought) in lies through the years. Even little irrelevant lies. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, relative, colleague, or significant other. When you catch someone in a lie of even the smallest, you wonder what else they are capable of lying about. It changes everything. Be like me. Don’t lie. Sometimes it’s hard, but then you have nothing to hide and having the truth on your side keeps you out of some really shitty situations.Even if it is so embarrassing and you have to put a towel over your head to face the truth...do it. If you don’t believe a word of anything else I say...believe me when I tell you about people. The good and the bad. Just take the time to get to know a person. You don’t want a lazy middle aged squinty eyed salmoncake real estate selling Mom moving her and her kids asses into your house all of a sudden. You ain’t that desperate. Oh and dudes, I’m coming for you...don’t act desperate either. Just don’t. I tend to take your sides on this shit because dudes on the other sides of things are usually just happy to be free, so their demeanor is totally different. But that doesn’t mean I won’t flip sides on you if you guys start getting weird. Covid seems to have made everyone crazy.

Even in a good mood, there is nothing better than a super depressing 90’s country song...am I right? It’s that sad shit that always gets me in my damn near non-existent soul. Look, I randomly placed 6th out of 20 on a totally impromptu Roast Battle at the Laugh Factory in LA one night. One of the roastmasters told me I did so well for my first time because I have no soul. HA HA HA...that one fucking stuck with me. Back to the point - if you can’t sit down with a couple good homies now and then and blast “Alibis” on 10 while chugging Crown, you should really address some things in your monotonous life. Just sayin for someone who doesn’t do the bar scene much anymore and barely has feelings...I know every color of every neon sign. I’m always hashin out a heartache in the back of my mind. Makes me remember not to go there ever again. People suck. I feel like I have already mentioned this. I’m not a “hard” person. I’m a realist. I don’t want to miss fantastic opportunities with people, but I also know those people are few and far between so I really keep my guard up. The right people always tear it down in time. 

People who get offended by profanity seriously piss me off more than a hive of wasps chasing me. Let me be clear...if I wasn’t dropping at least 72 f-bombs a day...I’m not sure where I would be in life. It’s turning all negative events in my life into positivity. I mean when you think about the F word. No matter how you slice or dice it...it does have a positive meaning in any context. “Go fuck yourself.” - Ok! “Fuck that!” - With what?! “Fuck You!” - Time and place please? Etc… Do you know what I am fucking saying?

Seriously asked my father the other day why he didn’t own Hilton chains or something. I’m sick of this fucking sweaty ass work too hard lifestyle with hardly any time to do fun shit. The idea of being some stuck up heiress with holes in my pockets sound fucking fantastic to me sometimes. Maybe just not the stuck up part. Could you imagine me that way? Snap my fingers and a drink comes! First class flights to St. Croix with my inner posse.  Living the goddamn dream. Me and my doggies on a private island!

I’ve become a bit dramatic, I think. For an extremely hard headed Portagee, I can still call myself out when needed. It’s kinda weird not living alone anymore. I’ve got a badass homie around now (wish I would have met years ago) who actually gives a shit how my day was. So I kinda get called out now on my bullshit. (Side note: It’s important to keep company around you who doesn’t enable your negative traits. Your best friends will call you on your shit and help you grow.) Sometimes I’ll lay down and pout all day over some shit that is NOTHING. Just get stoned and forget the fuck about it. I’m sure this is something I’ve been doing for years. Never caught it til now. Checklist to work on. No one likes even a small percentage of a drama queen. Yuck.

Amazing the shit I think of while stoned. What’s the point of dating? Attach yourself to another person for life? Is that even natural? Attach yourself to yourself...not American Pie style you pervert. Attach yourself to doggies. I cannot stress enough how fulfilling life is raising pups. Watching them grow and learn. I’m not even talking about the ones you raise from babies. Even at an older age, your dog will still learn and grow with mental stimulation and affection. It’s so amazing to watch the new things they learn and pick up on. If you treat your dogs well, they will treat you double as well until death do you part. Sure, it’s shitty you get so attached and they don’t live very long, but it teaches you perseverance. True value of cherishing your pals and moving on in your life always keeping a piece of them with you. Sounds fucking gut wrenching sad. It is, but I promise you the time you spend with your pups outweighs the sadness in the end.( If you’re planning on spending zero time with your animal, leave your pet in constant confined spaces, starve or beat it...don’t fucking get one. Don’t even get close to one. They are better off in the wild than with your crazy ass. You ain’t right.)

You can’t be a lying dickface all the time and expect everyone to be nice to you. Saw a good one on Family Guy that touched my sweet heart a little. Stewie to Brian: “You’re not my friend. Friends come and go. You’re family. That’s for life.” Sounds so sweet. In fact I wanted to call my bestie and tell him that. Then I snapped out and realized “family” can be a super toxic F word. Sad thing is I have a pretty big “family” on each side, yet the older I get, I have realized my only family is my parents. In fact, I have created my own family full of non-blood relatives. Life is wonderful in the positive environment I have created for myself through the years. It’s amazing to form bonds with amazing people who have no ulterior motives like wills and money. Fucking money brings out the true colors in people. It’s sad. People spend their whole lives trippin balls over money. That must suck. 

Those dorks at Central Catholic. Even at 15 made me laugh like hell. They’d interview the football “stars” getting full rides to Notre Dame and shit. My favorite was when asked about their favorite band... “Creed man. Such great “hard rock” with such powerful, positive messages.” Those dudes are probably miserable in their physical therapists jobs with their cheating whore wives who come home smelling like ratty vaginas. Someone had to fucking say it. Embarrassing confession: “My Sacrifice” is a FANFUCKINGTASTIC song!

I have a hard time with people. I try my best. I always learn and continue to grow. I got that goin for myself. People suck. People are cruel. (3rd time I’ve said this today?)  People take no time to disappoint me for the most part. If you’re kind to me, I will be twice as kind to you. If you’re a fuckface to me, expect me to be an extra double fuck with a cherry on top. Add some nuts too and suck on that shit. I’m a badass person to have in your life and on your team. If you’re lucky enough to make it into my inner circle, I’ll probably be one of the best friend’s you’ve ever made. If you can’t look at yourself in the mirror and see the person that you would like to be friends with, you need to make some changes. It took me a long time to become my own best friend. If you can’t be solid with spending time with yourself, you can’t be solid with anyone and you’ll eventually become a dead weight. Take the time to get to know yourself and work on it...for me it’s constant. I know there is other people with my qualities in the world. If you find one, take the time to learn about them and ease your way into friendship slowly. Actions speak louder than words. Prove yourself to be a good human. Be patient. The best relationship of any type comes with time and work.

Let’s see…

Don’t be a fucking retail investor.

Don’t be a fucking commie.

Don’t be a fucking douchebag. 

Don’t fucking settle.

Don't stop bettering yourself for you and those you care for.

Don’t stop fucking being YOU!

LO

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: The Air That I Breathe

Today is the day! Finally, I get to see Goji x Monke and I am so goddamn hype! If you've been around these parts long enough, I am a massive Goji shill. That franchise is a pillar in the trinity of my childhood and I hold those films truly dear. When Legendary dropped their version of Godzilla seven years ago, I was dumb impressed. Hell, I even liked Skull Island and I kind of hate Kong. Even the overly long King of the Monster was a good time for me so I was definitely looking forward to this one. And then f*cking Wuha happened and we all lost a year of our lives here in the States to abject stupidity. It's absurd that it's been a whole f*cking year and we're still seeing spikes in cases, man. Half the world has got this sh*t under control enough to actually see this thing in a theater but the US, the richest, most powerful country in the world, is still on restriction because idiots are idiots. I would have loved to see this in a theater but I couldn't. Had to settle for my home theater. Even so, this was a f*cking great time.

The Good

Goji x Monke is f*cking gorgeous to look at, man. Like, desperately, effortlessly, beautiful. It’s been almost a decade since us Yanks have had our go at the Goji mythos and this is, by far, is the best looking one. It is f*cking stunning. And a lot of it is in the daylight. Like, you can SEE the stunning without having it mired in swampy atmosphere to hide some of the “fake” CG.

This cast smacks the hardest! The caliber of talent in this film has no right to be this good. Like, none. Rebecca Hall, Alexander Skarsgard, Eiza Gonzalez, Shun Oguri, Kyle Chandler, and Lance f*cking Reddick, are all massive gets for this flick, even if the overall star power pales in comparison to the first two forms in this franchise. Kind of hard to beat Sam Jackson, John Goodman, Brie larson, Tom Hiddleston, John C. Reilly, Elizabeth Olsen, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, John Goodman, Bryan Cranston, Juliette Binoche and Ken Watanabe. I don’t care what you say, those casts, between two films, is going to be dumb hard to top, especially considering the nature of this franchise. That said, there are standouts.

Brian Tyree Henry is the best thing about this movie, outside of the decadent effects. His paranoid conspiracy theorist, Bernie Hayes, is a true delight and an incredible pivot from the usually stoic, classically heroic, protagonists we’ve had so far in the franchise. I can’t say he’s a “main character” but he gives the best performance like he should be one. I’m glad dude is getting so much work lately. He’s an excellent actor and deserves all of the shine. If you haven’t seen it, definitely check him out in Atlanta. That’s probably the best performance you’ll ever see him give.

Millie Bobby Brown returns as Madison Russel and, once again, i genuinely enjoyed her character in this, just like i did in KotM. Brown is never intrusive but it’s kind of weird that she gets to find all of the stuff. I imagine that was installed in her contract or whatever but it's not like she cant handle it. Brown is dope in this role and i kind of hope they give her that third shot in a few years with Henry and Dennison in tow. Their chemistry together is so goddamn tasty, it has to be fattening.

Julian Dennison was a surprise. I don’t generally like the “kid sidekick” characters in these flicks but his Josh Valentine was pretty okay. I just mentioned this but it needs to be repeated; I really liked the chemistry he had with Henry and Brown. Dude fit that whole Goonies dynamic they had going, taking up the straight man role while still being kind of hilarious in his own right. Kind of hope that, if this franchise gets another sequel, we can have a bit more of these characters together. Give them their own goddamn movie!

The pacing in this is TIGHT! Like, you get right into it and sh*t never let’s up. This is probably the best, most even, showing of Kaiju content in all four films and I'm kind of in love. It’s weird to say because Goji x Monke has the lowest run-time among all the films, but it gets you to where you need to be with no fat, whatsoever. One could say they trimmed a little too much off but that's what Extended and Director's cuts are for.

The direction in this movie is on point. You can tell that, the guy behind the camera, guiding this narrative, is a real life fan of Goji. Adam Wingard has always said his movie would be a love letter to Goji and Kong, in every interview, every appearance, and he wasn’t lying. This movie feels like it fits right in with those old Showa Goji showings but stands perfectly in the modern blockbuster age. Wingard poured all of that passion and enthusiasm he has for Gigantis, the Fire Lizard into this movie. Goji x Monke is a labor of love and you acutely feel it.

The homages and easter eggs littered within this thing are a Godzilla fan's wet dream. From Goji destroying that APEX plant in the beginning, calling back to MechaGoji destroying that refinery in Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla, to the way they transported Kong to the Hollow Earth entrance mimicking the balloon drop from King Kong versus Godzilla, or that high ass, modulated hiss from Apex MechaGoji; As a Godzilla fan, this is my paradise and i am LOVING all of it. I was crying from happiness this entire movie. If this is truly the swan song for the MonsterVerse, it’s a damn high note for a curtain call. Bro, they even have kind of a Super X fleet and i can’t even!

Legendary’s original Kaiju have all been kind of whack. Like, the Skullcrawlers are garbage. Straight up fodder for Monke and the MUTOs were completely uninspired. The others who showed up in KotM were a joke, too. None of them fit the Toho Kaiju at all and I'd hate to see a movie starring any of them. But the few introduced here? I like these. They make sense. They feel organic to the world. They feel threatening. They feel like proper antagonists and not just sacrifices to main Kaiju development.

This is the most we’ve seen of Legendary’s Goji and the clearest look yet. Like, this Godzilla is arguably one of the best designs so finally getting a real, proper, gander at all of it’s atomic powered glory has been dope as f*ck. Again, you can tell Wingard has a favorite of the two and it ain’t Kong. Monke definitely gets more screen time, but what little we get of Goji is jam-packed with aggression and Atomic Breath and it kind of sh*t all over the Monke scenes.

MechaGoji is my all-time favorite Kaiju. I was a little worried that Legendary blew their load too soon with Ghidorah but nope! MechaG is every bit as threatening, arguably more so. Like, this giant, robot, asshole is not to be f*cked wit. Dude is a problem and it makes that known immediately. Now, this MechaGoji isn’t the the autonomous robot of old. Legendary decided to go the piloted route we’ve seen since Heisei. I’m not mad, Kiryu is my second favorite version of the Big MechaG, but the twist feels real Godzilla x Mechagodzilla and Tokyo SOS. Again, not mad, but kind of hoped for a little space ridiculousness, you know. Maybe later? Hopefully later? Please let there be a later...

I even like Kong in this. I f*cking hate Kong, man. Of all his films, I've only like two; Skull Island and the Peter Jackson remake. The latter more so because you can tell Jackson loves Kong and his movie is a legit labor of love, much like Wingard and this one. These guys made Kong compelling. They made him more than a White Fear allegory and i kind of dig it. A lot of my love for Skull Island can be accredited to Sam Jackson, John C. Reilly, and John Goodman, but I legit left the theater thinking Kong's flick was a good time.

Goji over Monke, two to one. Like i said. There’s no way Monke steals the crown, not from this version of Godzilla. Scrap was f*cking epic, though. Like, outside of MechaG just throttling the both of them, Monke was the closest to snaking that crown. Closer even than f*cking Ghidorah and i don’t really know how i feel about that. That said...

That tag team against MechaG is the best Kaiju scrap in the entire goddamn franchise so far. Sh*t is f*cking brutal, grandiose as f*ck, and takes place in the daylight so you can actually f*cking SEE it. F*CK!!

The Bad

The writing is real weak in this. It’s arguably the worst thing about this movie. I actually wrote a whole essay about how you can’t judge these films like you’d judge a proper, emotionally stimulating, thought provoking, exercise in cinema but even brain-dead Kaiju fights should have some semblance of plot to string them together. Goji 2014, Skull Island, and King of the Monsters, all had a decent narrative to string together the necessary conflicts presented in their films but Goji x Monke is easily the worst of these films in that department. It isn’t as bad as Michael Bay or as pedestrian as Zack Snyder but the writing just smacks of Roland Emmerich. This is a movie that he would have definitely made in his Nineties heyday of excess and spectacle.

The plot contrivances are kind of corny. I’m not going to point all of them out but i will say this; Mark Russel starts this movie in the exact same place he started KotM and it’s ridiculous. They need Russel back at his skeptical self as a way to sideline him from this narrative as he's now  the man in the big chair over at Monarch so he kind of sidesteps his daughter’s very real observation. All because the plot demands it of his character. It’s a boner and i hate it. I hate the many, many, others, too.

Look, i love Rebecca Hall. I’ve been a fan of hers for years. She’s in a ton of sh*t that i genuinely love. Same thing with Alexander Skarsgard. I had t let that be known because their characters in this are f*cking useless. Like, they’re the main characters and they have less agency that the Goonies trio in this thing. It’s f*cking dumb. You couldn’t work more plot relevance into the characters that we are clearly supposed to spend the most time with? They’re supposed to be the emotional anchor for this flick and i found myself attached to the supporting crew. What a way to waste great actors.

The Verdict

Godzilla vs. Kong is a fun ass ride. This is the Avengers of Legendary’s MonsterVerse and it pulls out all of the stops. Goji x Monke is lousy with fan service and easter eggs, but sprinkled in restraint throughout, giving fans of the Big G tons of sh*t to get us in tizzy. Like, there is SO much here for a fan to latch on to but, even if you’re not, this flick has a ton of worth aside from that. The direction is on point, you really feel like this is a Goji film, and the action is the absolute best in the franchise. There is weight and realism to how these massive creatures move, the effects doing overtime conveying what a giant, radioactive, lizard and a skyscraper sized ape can really do. In broad daylight. Without looking fake or corny. You can tell that the director, Adam Wingard, knew his sh*t and really loved making this movie. Goji x Monke is easily the best looking in the entire goddamn franchise, hands down. i cannot stress that enough.

Also, as kind of a bonus but not really, this movie has some of the strongest human characters in the entire franchise. Millie Bobby Brown does her thing, as always, and newcomer Julian Dennison does his thing, but Brian Tyree Henry is the absolute standout. I can see this being a star-turning performance for him if it had hit theaters properly but we’ll see. This thing did gangbusters in China with Henry taking a principal position in the narrative and China hates the Darkies so that’s saying a lot. Of course, there are the usual issues with these types of films; pedestrian writing, superfluous human conflict, tons of plot conveniences but those are basically tropes of this genre. It’s hard to have a Kaiju story without them. You just have to suspend your disbelief and let some of this sh*t rude, you know? If you can do that, i promise you that you’ll have a fantastic time. I can’t say it’s my favorite, that title still rests with Goji 2014, but Godzilla vs. Kong is definitely a contender for second best. If you have HBO max, it’s definitely worth a watch. If you’re willing to brave a pandemic theater, it is definitely better on the big screen.

[portfolioshowcase]

Interview, Autumn Durald - A Transforming Force

Hey, Autumn! Are you having fun shooting a western film? 

Unfortunately the western I was supposed to shoot at the start of the year was pushed. When we do start shooting it will be a wild ride. 

Are you doing things differently with this project or there are significant changes to how you shoot?

The short film has the same storyline so we already had a test run at the visuals. On the short film, I shot 35mm anamorphic and I flashed and pulled the film stock. I plan on doing that as well for the feature along with some other tricks.

As the imagery should tell the right story, and each story has it's own look, Do you think it's possible for a Cinematographer to have a particular visual aesthetic?

When I first started out I didn’t use to subscribe to this theory, however, I do now. I find that people often tell me that there’s definitely a particular visual style in all of my work. Which made me think more about other Cinematographers work I love, and now I can see why someone would say that. Every story has its own distinctive look, but a DP definitely brings their taste and eye to each project, and if you have a strong one then it shines.

How do you translate the combined vision of the writer and the director - on film? Have there been times when you went a little too adventurous?

All of my feature work, now six features have been with writer-directors. This makes it easy when talking to the director about the vision since he/she also wrote it. I wouldn’t say I’ve ever gone too adventurous, nothing the director and I didn’t dive into together. On the Arcade Fire “porno” music video/documentary film I shot for director Kahlil Joseph in Haiti we definitely did some adventurous things, but he is a very adventurous filmmaker so it’s par for the course when you shoot with him.

Do you feel that the courage to allow the moments of the characters and the overall atmosphere to be raw, not just as a form of a mental stimulation but more visible is something that makes increases the viewer's investment into the film? Can it increase the emotional magnitude of the film? 

Some stories should be told visually with a lighter touch, then the characters stand out the most. It’s not our job as Cinematographers to take our audience out of the story by showing how flashy our work can be or how cool our framing is. If our choices don’t suit the story and add depth to the emotional quality of the scene then we aren’t doing our job correctly. I don’t think an image has to be handheld and only naturally lit to feel realistic or raw. If those qualities are appropriate then great, but I do think you can manufacture a realistic tone through lighting it and keeping the camera more still.

When you are shooting, do you ever think about whether you would want the audience to be an experiencer standing by or let's say a third actor in the film? How do you experience the movies or photographs you reference to or enjoy?

Definitely depends on the project. I’d say for Palo Alto it was important to express intimately what these teenagers were going through and have you feel like you were a part of their world. We also chose not to shoot it in a gritty handheld doc style. I don’t think the camera work or look has to be loose for audiences to feel like they are apart of the scene. Gia and I favored a much more considered camera style and dreamy visuals, and we knew our audiences were sophisticated enough to relate. 

Coming back to your process, can you talk to us about how you transform the use of light according to specific scenes and according to the nature of the film? Can you please share with us some of your experiences over the years shooting and working with light? 

When I was at AFI (my graduate film school) my focus was always more lighting driven. The DPs that inspired me to choose Cinematography as a career had a very strong sense of light in their work. Gordon Willis, Harris Savides, Conrad Hall, and Michael Ballhaus. Sadly none of these DPs are with us anymore but their work is incomparable. So I made it a point early on in my career to learn lighting and what a gaffer does, and what they do well. I find the technical aspect of lighting intriguing and early on I always paid attention to what my gaffers and electricians were doing on set. When I read a script one of the first things I can visualize is how the light falls in the space or scene. I’m not sure why that is or when in my career this happened but it's something that becomes apparent first. After discussing the look with the director this definitely evolves, but I start from there. If it’s a period piece there are already some limitations set in stone depending on the genre. I favor using hard and soft light together in a scene. And most importantly where the light comes from should serve a purpose.

Can you share with us the experiences you went through in order to widen your vision, your imagination and your dreams? Is it exhausting to spread your wings in a society as it is?

The two most important things a good DP should draw from is her/his sense of taste and their confidence. When you have a good sense of taste and the confidence to carry it out that’s where the images speak for themselves. It can be exhausting at times to get the projects you want to shoot. This career has a lot to do with determination and patience. Since Palo Alto, I get offered a ton of coming of age films. That is not the only story I want to tell or can tell. So it takes some work convincing this industry that you can shoot a variety of genres. Putting in that work can be exhausting but you’re a better DP for it. I wrapped a film called Teen Spirit last summer, it was an amazing experience and probably the film that most widened my vision and imagination. The film turned into something so special that I couldn't’ have predicted that when I read the script. Those are the most enlightening experiences, when you work your ass off, along with your team, and your directors' vision shines and they ultimately put together a good film. Those experiences can be few and far between. That’s when you feel your wings spreading when everything just comes together and you're proud of the final film you shot. Finding directors to work with that inspire you and you trust to tell great stories is one of the most important things I’ve learned making films.

Do you feel as more women come into filmmaking, they are going to bring an entirely new perspective to it and ultimately inspire a life from the heart than the mind? 

The best and most successful films ultimately all come from the heart. That’s why you feel so emotionally connected to them. Female filmmakers started making films in the late 1800’s. It’s only now we’ve decided to shine a huge light on the subject. If audiences were paying attention, female told stories and perspectives have been out there for a long time. Now this current light on female filmmakers is allowing more women opportunities which are allowing more of those stories to be told. Hopefully, one day making it more of an equal landscape, mainstream films directed by women and men. Instead of what we’re most used to seeing at the box office, female and male stories told by men. I appreciate both perspectives, I think it’s fascinating to watch a female protagonist directed by a man and then see one directed by a woman. This diversity is what makes filmmaking so fun. You don’t need to be a male to tell a mans story and vice versa. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t shoot a masculine film. One of my favorite lensed films is BLOW,  I remember the first time I saw it I looked up who the DP was. I was so delighted and inspired to see it was shot by a woman. Ellen Kuras is one of the reasons I thought I could even do this job when I finally decided to pursue it. Great cinematography or filmmaking shouldn’t see gender.

Before I ask you the last question, can you tell us, how would you compose silence? 

Not sure how I would go about that, but if I was brainstorming a way to do it, I would start by sitting in a room with a Rothko painting.

Lastly, what would you suggest or share with other cinematographers?

Find your own sense of visual style and taste and run with it. Great work comes from the soul and only you can tell that story. Don’t be too concerned with making everything so precious in the frame. When you do that it tends to draw you away from the actual story and also the other artists making the film with you. You learn more about your style, the way you shoot and telling stories by all your mistakes. Take those mistakes and learn from them, don’t forget them. I am fortunate enough to do this as a career and I love my job, but this job is nothing without the people I work with. Filmmaking is a team effort and without that support, we as DPs can’t carry out our vision. Always appreciate your hard working crew and figure out the best way to lead them. And last but not least, for all you girls who want to be DPs but are discouraged by the lack of diversity in the industry, just go out and do it. There shouldn’t be anything stopping you. If you have a unique perspective and can create beautiful images, that is enough to get your foot in some door. I hope seeing more female shooters now is a testament to that. 

Interview with Autumn Durald Arkapaw

WWW.AUTUMNDURALD.COM

www.instagram.com/addp

Interviewed by The Portfolio

[enjhae]

Double Exposure is a collaborative series that features the work of an admired artist.

LightLeaks second featured artist is Eva Mecham–a Vegas-based photographer who strives to represent women in an industry dominated by men. While the struggle to find respect always seems like a challenge, she continues her quest to become a respected photographer by practicing and perfecting her craft.

In this segment of Double Exposure, our aim is to support women, not just in photography but in every field where women are not represented fairly, respected or even paid enough in comparison to our male counterparts.

Eva and I interviewed each other to learn more about our love for photography, how our interest for photography originated, our influences and more.

EVA JACQUELINE MECHAM

Age: 23

DOB: 06/03/1994 Gemini

Background: Portuguese/Lao/German/French

Born: Las Vegas, NV

Raised: East Side Las Vegas

Insta Handles: 

 @spottiottieva was the first personal instagram I ever had but it became more technical to show ALL my work through.

…so I created the other two pages to serve as multiple outlets of exposure exuding different variable factors.

Humans AND Environment. Lol.

@sweetleaf_phto is female energy only and conceptual portraits/groupshots.

@jacqueline_images is my art and street photo page.

Why/how did get into photography?

My grandfather. He documented just about everything. He passed away in 2011 but his legacy lives on. He lived a life beyond what photos could show. His family traveled from Spain to America during the 1920’s. His determination, discipline, will, focus, and attention to detail rooted in me and allowed me to open my mind to the idea of collecting and acquiring but with tangibility and substance.

Past my grandfather stimulating my lifestyle choices I felt that spark after I developed my first roll of film. Being able to hold a photo in your hands is truly magic in the simplest form. Photos have influenced me my entire life. Keeps me constantly reverting back to instances and wishing I could save moments to time travel to. Just like music or a scent, a photo can greatly alter your perception or mood.

Last, a major reason I ever pushed my photography skills beyond documentation was skateboarding. I was at a young age when I fell more and more in love with every skate mag or video I ever watched. Naturally I began sourcing all my inspiration and tones through how the skateboarding industry plastered my brain. It’s common to have these wild kids throw themselves off staircases with ease and dive into 12ft deep drops every day. Whether it was filmed with thousand dollar equipment or the cheapest vx setup, A-1 quality images and content has always been around. It wasn’t until I learned real anticipation taking a pre meditated flick of a skater in motion performing a trick repeatedly without near success till maybe the 20th try in, that I understood the feeling of that equation. That 21st key shot is a high. All that focus.

What does your photos mainly consist /focus on? Why?

My photo collection is a mix of portraits of friends I’ve built connections or bridges with while the other half is a handful of my travels, daily life, and streets I walk through. I have to mention I LOVE ART of ANY kind. Art embodied within all forms. Especially if it doesn’t belong somewhere or a rule was broken to make or keep it there. I believe in the idea that the world truly is ours so exercising the freedom to express ourselves is common law to me. Almost like a personal passion project. On the other hand my favorite subject to photograph are literal human hands. I’m fascinated by hands. Our hands are such beautiful blessings that we often take for granted. With our hands we can touch, create, hurt, destroy, clean, whatever it be. Our hands are multifaceted and a huge relatable connection between us all as humans. No one hand is the same. Like our eyes, I feel they are also portals to the soul.

You are all about empowering women. How do you convey this in your work?

Confidence can be instilled in many ways but I have never seen more confidence instilled within a female more than when she enjoys a photo of herself. Living in this overly extroverted world, it’s common to find that most women compare themselves to everyone. Even men. I know this to be true because I can testify myself. I’ve grown up riddled with anxieties I’ve whispered to my inner conscience for so many years, without even realizing it. A photo can translate emotions and feelings you didn’t know you had. A virtual avenue. A portable capsule of what existed at that time. There is growth in a photo. People glorify in the beauty of a butterfly but fail to remember the stages of growth it took to become that butterfly we see. So for me to be able to capture the growth of is something one of a kind to me. Anyone or anything can have it’s photo taken. But it’s all about the subject. I stress to validate the women in my photos through our shared experience and what they represent passionately. Who are these women and how can I uniquely translate what they have made me feel through a mere photo for the world to perceive.

Talk about your experience collaborating on this project.

Norma! I’m extremely flattered you would have asked me to be a part of this project as it is so pure and beautiful. I love to share my thoughts and feelings and often feel I am overlooked and underestimated. Every once and awhile I meet someone who makes me feel human and included at the same time. I look up to you Norma as you are an incredibly vivid photographer with natural ability only acquired through patience, growth, focus, determination, and skill. I often wish we had met sooner. But there is a reason for everything and the influence you have provided has guided me quite a bit. I truly love Jelly and KNOW without a doubt that dog has a great soul. I’m lucky to have friends who aspire to create, as this will be so enjoyable in my older years to look back on and cherish as I fade.

Who is your fav photographer?

This is probably the hardest question you put on here but I’d have to say my grandfather.

Whose work has influenced your work the most?

I honestly wouldn’t be able to narrow it down but i enjoy and source my inspiration from lots of the lasting images of these timeless talents below….

Keegan Gibbs (so fucking fire)-

Atiba Jefferson (skateboarding essentials)

Mike O’Meally (classic skateboarding essentials)

Henry Chalfant (innumerable amounts of graffiti documentation)

Tobin Yelland (filmy skateboard shots)

Duran Levinson (insane portrait photographer)

Craig Stecyk (Z-town documenter/skateboarding essentials)

JR (graffiti/wheatpastephotographer)

Martha Cooper (80’s legend in street art journalism)

Alex Fakso (skate & graffiti essentials)

Ruedi One (for those wet blk&wht artsy street nights)

Ed Templeton (almost forgot this legend)

Nan Goldin (female legend)

Haris Nukem (vivid portrait photographer)

Ruth Orkin (female legend)

Who are you currently listening to, music-wise?

I have this private playlist I made myself I play every morning after I get up to get ready for the day. I’m revealing the first 3 songs but the rest is secret.

Rebel without a pause-Public Enemy.

Leaving Babylon-Sublime.

If 6 was 9-Jimi Hendrix.

Besides the essentials I‘ve been playing a lot of lo-fi hip hop beats/scratches/mixups while I work or create lately.

I usually have either an Alchemist or Madlib CD in my car stereo. I use a lot of CD’s and cassettes lol. Let’s just say my auxiliary option is variably unreliable so CD’s are solid lol.

What is your favorite photo you’ve taken and why?

I thought for so long on how to answer this. Haha. I have to say that every photo is my favorite. Not to feed the ego or anything but maybe in other words I’m a hoarder. Any and all photos I take fall into my collection and that to me is something that holds my life’s work and ultimate value. My archive. The best way to put this answer into perspective is the idea that I’m not done yet. I’m still constantly & avidly pursuing higher dimensions through photography, through life, through myself. For me to choose a favorite photo would be for me to say that I’ve reached some finished point. Don’t get me wrong I have favorited shots over others but like I said I love every photo I take because I love life.

Digital or film? Why?

Film is permanent. Technology isn’t built to last forever. You don’t need technology shooting film. Art in a post apocalyptic world is a priority. Creating something tangible is far more lasting to me. Especially one with an element of surprise.

A fixed restriction makes you think twice, I’m sure. Film is exactly that. Knowing you have that limited amount of shots, each one seems to count more. Film is a spectrum balance between a premeditated photo or a foggy moment in time. I’m a fast paced shooter but with shooting film I catch myself staring at nothing till I see something. Essentially, it’s something that actually slows me down and I need that.

Movie you’d recommend an aspiring photographer to watch for inspo.

Recommendation for inspo for an aspiring photographer hmmmm!

I’d say watch any Tim Burton film. That’s a given. I’m a major fan ofTim Burton’s movies and stories.

Then I’d say, Across the Universe and Inherent Vice. And after that watch some of Quentin Tarantino’s films. Those are all classic.

FEMALE POWUR PLAYLIST

https://open.spotify.com/user/normal_genes/playlist/351NQKgAj4lfzEnuamHKAm?si=V4TwoqWoQgWXME8Rzlzh1A

EVA PHOTO GALLERY

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  S E T  2

  S E T  3

  FILM SET

  NORMA JEAN ORTEGA aka NJ

Sign: Gemini

Background: Filipino American

Born: Las Vegas, NV

Being self-taught, how do you educate yourself on new ideas and techniques to take better pictures?

I can’t say I was self-taught because my dad was photographer. So I essentially grew up with the concept of photography. One of my first jobs was at this photo studio at Meadows Mall. I learned the basics in color balance, posing models and composition. College is where I got my formal training in photography. I learned how to shoot strictly in manuel when I took 3 years of black & white film photography and I became obsessed to say the least. Practicing photography in this manner gave me a sense of meaning behind the photos I took. I loved the idea of building a concept for the photos I had taken and embraced the idea of suspension and surprise.

But to answer your question, I learn new techniques by trail and error. Stick to one camera for a long period of time until I feel like I’ve mastered it then move on to the next. YouTube is also a thing. LOL. What is it that you want to say with your photographs, and how do you channel your work to illustrate that? Why? My personal photography documents moments and captures feelings that I like to look back on. A photo diary for the most part.

The subjects I touch on in my more serious work, aims to unpack what it means to be an Asian American female—of course from my own person experience. I express distressing feelings from my childhood, my feelings towards Asian stereotypes and dissect the standards of beauty in Asian culture.

When packing photo gear for a trip, what all do you take with you and why? My olympus stylus, fujifilm 400/800. A majority of the photos I take on a trip mimic the documentary style that I grew up with, however instead of focusing on people I try to focus on a moment and gut feeling that I am drawn to capture.

What motivates you to continue taking photos, whether it be socially, economically, politically, intellectually or emotionally? Everything is cathartic for me. It is a way to release a thought or feeling that I wouldn’t otherwise know how to express. Writing was my source of releasing this energy but through photography, I love how subjective it is to everyone else. You can share your work and get a complete different reaction or thought for what it was intended. But for me, when I look at my images, I know exactly how I felt and what I was struggling with at moment. It is somewhat of a reminder.

Within the aspect of women and social culture, what would you say is the difference between capturing beauty vs. vulgarity?

I think that what is considered vulgar for women is a popular theme in art, where artists are trying to breakdown that social norm for women. What was expected of women is being shattered by the “vulgar” images expressed by various female artists and photographers. It is essential, necessary and about fuckin’ time. To be lady-like was a standard put together by men and women are fully capable of conducting themselves however they see fit.

How did you develop an interest in photography and at what age were you?

Grew up around photography because of my dad. So I guess I always had an interest in photography. I grew up with a camera in my face and albums of albums of every major holiday and moment in my life. One of my first jobs was working in a photo studio called Photomania. Kids would go there to take their high school photos and basically trade them to each other like Pokemon cards. Hahah!

But working there was dope! I got to learn how to print from an old school printing machine. Had to clean that beast of a machine and take it apart every night. But I never took photography seriously until college. It’s when I finally learned about the greats (like Ansel Adams, Robert Frank, Cindy Sherman, and Weegee) that I completely got turned on to it.

Whose work has influenced you most, any favorites? Francesca Goodman, Nan Goldin, Ren Hang, Petra Collins, Carrie Mae Weems, Stanley Kubrick, Catherine Angel and Kimber Beck

When you are out shooting, how much of it is instinctual vs planned?

Half and half. And some times it’s completely spontaneous which is the best because when you feel that it’s the right moment, you just gotta go for it and pray that the photo comes out the way you wanted it to.

How has social media played a role in your photography?

It’s influenced me in the ways of curating my posts. Before, I just use to post whatever. But I think moving along the years of Instagram, I’ve seen how streamlined people can get with their style and feel of their photos. I also have my job to thank for that too.

While, I do curated my post, the work os still all mine. So I still see my Instagram as a photo journal but broken down into different segments.

What advice can you dish for any entry level photographers?

By a cheap camera and master it. Don’t buy into getting high quality gear until you find your style. Also, hang out with the local photographers you admire. You want to surround yourself with people who will push you to do better. A good piece of advice I learned from my cousin, Ez. Thanks cuh!

and of course i almost forgot….Talk about your experience collaborating on this project.

From our initial meeting at 6th & Franklin, I knew you we’re a go-getter! Actually, I hadn’t even met you yet but people we’re talking you up so hard that I was honestly intimidated. But real talk, I admire your constant drive to create work and your strive to improve your skills as a photographer. You are a walking and talking think-tank!

Doing this project was another project that I felt drawn to do, just like with my first Doublexposure guest, Andi. Everything I pursue in terms of interviews is purely for the need to connect with people who I admire. I am proud for what you stand for as an artist and I will support you every step of the way. Love ya girl 😘

NORMA JEAN PHOTO GALLERY

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  SET 2

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  FILM SET

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