#My chronic pain is going to flare so so so so badly for weeks

[blitzwhore]

I need everyone to know that I have walked so many of the streets of London today that I currently don't feel my legs. I feel like I'm going to die on the plane back home tomorrow 😂

[dullgecko]

I'm back again with my chronic illness agenda :)

After most battles, half of the Bad Kids are usually out of commission for a bit until they are able to rest, regardless of how bad the fight actually was. Adaine usually crashes first, with migraines from all of the divination magic. Riz is notorious for pushing too far which causes the chronic pain in his hands to flare up, but it normally takes a few more minutes for it to really hit him. Gorgug usually keeps going long enough to make sure everything is wrapped up and everyone else is home safe, and then crashes really badly.

It wasn't until the night yorb trip that anyone else even knew about how much Gorgug crashed after fights. It wasn't that he was trying to hide it, he just genuinely thought it was normal for complete exhaustion to knock him out for hours/days after raging during a fight (the purple worm during the last stand had a lot to answer for in terms of the week long flare up that followed that particular fight).

He figured that raging took a lot of energy, and the halved damage had to go somewhere, so why wouldn't it end up in a level or two of exhaustion. (He wasn't technically wrong - first generation half-orcs were more prone to chronic fatigue and pain conditions, but that didn't mean it was normal).

They found out the hard way that using a greater restoration to remove that exhaustion was only a temporary fix, and the fatigue just came back twice as bad.

The second fight they got into during the Night Yorb quest was when they finally noticed. Their barbarian had been so thoroughly wiped out by the fight that he couldnt string two sentences together let alone operate a vehicle.

Gorgug was their designated driver, Fig was out of commission (she'd been hit by SOMETHING during the fight that had left her blinded) and NO ONE was going to let Fabian or Kristen near the wheel of the van. Adaine they might have trusted to drive but she was trying VERY hard not to throw up from the migraine that had come on after the fight.

They had to get all of them to the nearest town for an antidote for Fig (Kristens magic couldnt shift it but the locals apparently had a remedy) and with Gorgug too tired to drive it had fallen to the only other person they could trust behind the wheel.... and also the only person who couldnt see over the dashboard AND operate pedals at the same time.

While Gorgug tried to sleep off some of the exhaustion the rest of his party had done... surprisingly well. Yes the thought of their rogue using an elaborate array of mirrors, mage hand and nearly all of his strength to push down pedals was TERRIFYING if you thought about it too hard but he was actually really good at it. Riz may have looked like he'd run a marathon by the end of it with all the exertion but hey, he didn't crash or go in the wrong direction or have a panic attack and the van got to the town in one piece so he was doing better than the rest of his party in their attempts to drive.

Gorgug they'd woken up long enough for him to go inside and crash in an ACTUAL bed once they found an Inn. Kristen had taken Fig away to get her sight restored and Adaine had gone to take a very hot bath to try and ease her migraine.

Fabian had been left to pay for their rooms which he was happy to do because he felt rather useless at the moment with everyone else doing things. He did manage to find a job for himself though, when he returned to their rooms and caught Riz soaking his hands in a bowl of nearly scalding hot water in an attempt to ease some of the pain from overuse both during the fight and driving. The entire party had gotten very good at hand massages and Riz had almost fallen asleep while getting one by the time Kristen and Fig got back.

[sir--crow]

I wanna write SO BADLY these days but I cant

I've been craving my old routine of working out, daydreaming, and writing out my silly thoughts

but I can't right now

I know I'll get back to it one day but right now I'm just feeling the frustration of my chronic illness and disability.

*angry crow*

if u wanna read more of an explanation I left it under the cut! I guess this is sort of my update/explanation for why I've been gone for awhile

I wanna keep this brief (I'm tired), but I also wanna spread some awareness on ME/CFS since it's what I'm dealing with.

I got COVID (yes it's still around and no the pandemic is not over) back in October, and after feeling horrible for weeks thereafter I was diagnosed with Long COVID... and then my doctor also diagnosed me with ME/CFS. It was a lot to take in at the moment, and ever since that appointment I've gotten worse.

ME/CFS is also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I like to also call it the Big Tired. but it's not just tiredness, it's straight up soul crushing fatigue, pain, brain fog, memory issues, dizziness, vertigo, weakness, and so much more. Post Exertional Malaise (PEM) is a main factor of ME/CFS that has crushed my being. to keep it brief, it basically makes u feel sick and get worse after any exertion of energy whatsoever. this includes physical, mental, and emotional. I once laughed too hard and felt sick hours later.

I find that these days I'm too tired to daydream now, which really makes me sad. the other day I turned on some music and started to daydream, and it got pretty intense (fight scene in my brain was going hard) and then I felt ill. I was out of breath and had to sit down because my heart started to race too fast. I can't fucking daydream like I used to and I'm so sad.

I know that I'm just having a bad flare up, but like I said before I'm just feeling frustrated and wanted to take this moment to vent/spread awareness on ME/CFS.

I'm still in the process of figuring everything out and I'm very lucky and privileged to have an amazing support system through my mom. I know that I'll daydream and write soon, since I'm stubborn, but yeah brain fog and fatigue suuuuck.

if u wanna learn more about ME/CFS I highly recommend researching it since it's a lot more common than you might think. also just a reminder to stay safe, wear a mask, and take care of yourself <33

[cookinguptales]

I'm stressed (I put off doing taxes for too long lmao) but @formaldehyde--face tagged me to talk about five things that make me happy.

(I'm... sorry. I saw the tag and then promptly forgot. lmao)

soooo

~five things that make me happy~

stardew valley 1.6 I have been playing this nonstop lately, and that's what's been keeping me sane. I'm about halfway through year 2 and I'm making good headway! I've got the community center done, most people in town love me, and I'm exploring ginger island!

my current wip truthfully, the past week or two have been a real struggle. I got quite a bit of bad news, plus my chronic illnesses have been flaring badly. but through all that, I still managed to get an important chapter of my WIP done and I'm proud of that. almost done!! and then I get to introduce you all to the characters that I've really fallen in love with over the past two months. 💜💜💜

my kitty-cat geist is so cute. ;A; she's so warm and soft and friendly, and she's asleep on the couch next to me rn which makes it far easier to love her than when she's knocking shit off my bed.

my parents I have a... complicated relationship with most of my family, but I get along well with my parents. they know that I've been struggling for the past few weeks, so they've been calling and texting me a lot to help cheer me up. and dad and I have already started planning our next few trips. :o

my friends from the friends who are currently reading my WIP and cheering me on to the ones who let me cry on them when things are rotten to the ones I trade memes with to the ones I go out for drinks with. y'all help keep me afloat. 💜

also, a bonus, I'm just really grateful for streaming services that help keep me sane when I'm flaring lmao. being able to listen to whatever music I want and watch whatever movie I want does help keep me sane when I'm in as much pain as I have been.

(right now: listening to a bossa nova playlist on spotify and I have the ghost and mrs. muir queued up to watch soon on criterion.)

[electrikworm]

Masterlist:

I finally put all my fan fiction into a list :)

The Bad Batch:

5 times Wrecker protected his siblings and 5 times they protected him

Relationships: Crosshair & Wrecker, Tech & Wrecker, Hunter & Omega, Omega & Wrecker, Hunter & Wrecker, Echo & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Child Abuse, Burns, Eye Injury

Summary:

Being the largest and strongest of his siblings, Wrecker feels it's his duty to look out for them. That's not to say they don't feel the same way about him.

Chapter Links: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Read on Ao3

Aches and Pains

Relationships: Echo & Wrecker

Content Warnings: beside some self-deprecation, this doesn't really need warnings.

Summary:

Wrecker wakes up to his chronic pain flaring up badly. Echo, who's taking a day off on Pabu, forces Wrecker to do the same.

Written for @augustofwhump Day 5: Ache

I only noticed halfway through writing this that Echo wouldn't be on Pabu at the time, so lets all just pretend it makes sense for him to be there, taking a day off.

Link: Aches and Pains

Read on Ao3

After the fall

Relationships: None

Content Warnings: Major Character Death, Talk about death, some gore and disturbing imagery but only mentioned, mild Self-Harm

Summary:

After Tech's sacrifice on Eriadu, Wrecker breaks down at Cid's Parlor. Wrecker was there to see his brother fall, and hates himself for not being able to do anything to save him.

Link: After the fall

Read on Ao3

An intervention

Relationships: Crosshair & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Appendicitis, Medical Procedures

Summary:

After training, Wrecker is left with a sharp pain in his abdomen. Not seeing it as a pressing issue, Wrecker choses to ignore it. It's lucky for him that his brothers aren't going to let him avoid a trip to medbay forever.

Written for @summer-of-bad-batch Week 5: "You're a bad liar."

Link: An intervention

Read on Ao3

A peaceful moment

Relationships: Omega & Wrecker & Tech

Content Warnings: Chronic Pain, Past Child Abuse (vaguely mentioned)

Summary:

After getting the Marauder back and leaving Ipsidon, Wrecker's abnormally quiet. At first, Omega thinks he's upset about the argument he and Tech had, but she soon discovers the uncomfortable truth about the side effects Wrecker's enhancements have.

Link: A peaceful moment

Read on Ao3

The Batch have a terrible day

Relationships: Echo & Hunter & Omega & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood, Torture, Electrocution, Whipping, Broken Bones, slight Emetophobia warning

Summary:

On a job for Cid, the Batch have another run in with Zygerrian slavers. They end up getting captured again and this time, they're not lucky enough to get out unscathed.

Link: The Batch have a terrible day

Read on Ao3

Cave in

Relationships: Omega & Wrecker, Echo & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Broken Bones

Summary:

Wrecker groans. Debris clatters off of his breastplate as he sits up cautiously, the dust continues to cling to the armor, obscuring his visor. Bringing a hand up to clear his view, pain flares up along his right arm and shoulder and across his back. Wrecker knows a dislocated shoulder when he feels one, and that's just the most obvious of his injuries.

“Kriff” Wrecker hisses under his breath.

Why are none of Cid's jobs ever easy?

__

Due to a cave in, Wrecker and Omega get separated from their brothers on a mission. Despite being injured, Wrecker pushes on, unwilling to slow down or inconvenience his siblings.

Link: Cave in

Read on Ao3

Dark Corners and Shadowed Halls

Relationships: Crosshair & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: None

Summary:

As cadets, the Batch watch a horror holovid together. They are definitively not scared of it. If they're unable to sleep after, there must be some other reason.

Written for @summer-of-bad-batch Week 4: Cadets

Link: Dark Corners and Shadowed Halls

Read on Ao3

Fallen brother

Relationships: Hunter & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Needles

Summary:

Wrecker's fear of heights have taken a turn for the worse since Tech's death. When he freezes up during a mission, he and Hunter end up having a conversation about it.

Link: Fallen brother

Read on Ao3

Fractured Dreams

Relationships: Crosshair & Echo & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Hallucinations, Cauterization, Mild Gore

Summary:

Falling victim to poison, Wrecker experiences hallucinations that mess with his mind and his perception of reality. His brother's actions, all done in an effort to save Wrecker's life, are mistaken for the work of enemies.

Wrecker's POV of Until the Storm Breaks

Written for @augustofwhump Day 6: Confusion

Link: Fractured Dreams

Read on Ao3

Helping Hands

Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Wrecker

Tags: Back Pain, Massage, Fluff, Established Relationship

Summary:

Once again, Wrecker is plagued by back pain. Padmé isn't just going to let him suffer and has found a way to potentially aid her partner.

Link: Helping Hands

Read on Ao3

Human Shield

Relationships: Crosshair & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Self-sacrifice, thoughts about dying

Summary:

Since Wrecker can remember, he's put himself in harms way to protect his brothers. He always knew he'd be the one to execute plan 99. When things start going wrong on a mission, Wrecker comes to understand that the day for that sacrifice has come

Or how Wrecker got his scar.

Chapter Links: 1 2 3

Read on Ao3

Internal Conflict

Relationships: Crosshair & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker, Hunter & Cut Lawquane, Crosshair & Suu Lawquane, Tech & Cut Lawquane, Wrecker & Shaeeah Lawquane & Jek Lawquane, Wrecker & Suu Lawquane, Cut Lawquane/Suu Lawquane

Content Warnings: Mild Blood and Injury

Summary:

Damaged after a mission, the Marauder goes down on Saleucami. With the squad in rough shape, and their ship in dire need of repair, Clone Force 99 decide the nearby farm may be their best bet. However, meeting the deserter Cut Lawquane and his family brings up some uncomfortable questions regarding their lives as soldiers.

Written for the 2024 Star Wars Prequels Big Bang teamed up with the amazing @gayjedicoded and @squad-724 :) Thanks for working with me!

Link: Internal Conflict

Read on Ao3

Keep On Moving

Relationships: Crosshair & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Emetophobia, Drug usage

Summary:

After being sent on a mission injured, Wrecker has to rely on stims to keep going. Whilst he's used to the after-effects, that doesn't make them any more pleasant. Thankfully, his brothers are looking out for him when he inevitably crashes.

Link: Keep On Moving

Read on Ao3

Needle and Thread

Relationships: Echo & Omega & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Stitches

Summary:

With Omega occasionally taking over the roll of the squads medic, Wrecker has to learn to control his fear of medical situations better.

Written for @whumptober day 25: Stitches

Link: Needle and Thread

Read on Ao3

Not Good Enough

Relationships: Crosshair & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Child Abuse, Needles, Medical Experimentation

Summary:

As a cadet, Wrecker has to go through a number of tests and experiments. He doesn't have a good time, but at least Crosshair is there to comfort him after.

Link: Not Good Enough

Read on Ao3

Playing Pretend

Relationships: Crosshair & Wrecker, Crosshair & OC (one-sided)

Content Warnings: Torture, whipping, Forced to hurt somebody, Blood and Injury, Zygerrian Slavery

Summary:

Being part Zygerrian, infiltrating a Zygerrian gang is all too easy for Crosshair. Things get significantly more difficult when Wrecker is captured. Crosshair is forced to torture his own brother as to not blow his cover. As things keep getting worse, Crosshair begins to wonder how Wrecker will ever be able to forgive him when he can't even imagine being able to forgive himself.

Chapter 1 written for @ailesswhumptober day 22: Forced to hurt somebody else and whipped

Written for @squad-724 Hybrid au, with amazing art by her as well :)))

Link: 1 2 3

Read on Ao3

Rest

Relationships: Hunter & Wrecker

Content Warnings: None

Summary:

Wrecker reaches his limit after a difficult mission.

Written for @augustofwhump Day 1: overexertion

Link: Rest

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Test Subjects

Relationships: Crosshair & Echo & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and injury, Drug Usage, Choking, Emetophobia

Summary:

Experimental Clone Force 99 isn't called "experimental" without reason. Even when on the battle field, they end up as test subjects, sometime given new or untested supplies.

After a batch of experimental stims is given to them, their mission takes a bad turn when both Wrecker and Crosshair are put into a state of "fight or flight" thanks to the usage of the new stims. It's up to Tech, Echo and Hunter to get their brothers back to the Marauder in one piece, even if it means getting hurt themselves.

Chapter Links: 1 2 3 4 5

Read on Ao3

The things that change

Relationships: Crosshair & Wrecker & Hunter

Content Warnings: Talk about ageing, nothing else really

Summary:

As Wrecker grows older, he starts having more issues with things that used to be easy for him. Not wanting to be useless, Wrecker intends to just push through the pain. But Hunter and Crosshair aren't going to let him suffer in silence.

Link: The things that change

Read on Ao3

Under Pressure

Relationships: Echo & Hunter & Omega & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Bear Traps, Broken Bones, Blood and Injury

Summary:

On a mission, Wrecker's leg is caught in a trap. But Omega isn't going to leave her brother behind, even if he tells her to.

Written for @augustofwhump Day 8: Trap and Attack

Link: Under Pressure

Read on Ao3

Until the Storm Breaks

Relationships: Crosshair & Echo & Hunter & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Hallucinations, Cauterization, Graphic Description of Infection

Summary:

With Wrecker badly injured and hallucinating due to poison, the Bad Batch are forced to take cover in a cave during a storm. A rough night for everyone involved follows.

Written for @summer-of-bad-batch Week 2: Injured and @augustofwhump Day 3: Poison and day 4: Filth, Screams and Open Wounds

Link: Until the Storm Breaks

Read on Ao3

We'll find her

Relationships: Crosshair & Hunter

Content Warnings: Nothing I can think of

Summary:

In the immediate aftermath of Omega giving herself up to the Empire, Hunter confronts Crosshair.

Link: We'll find her

Read on Ao3

What Lies Within

Relationships: Echo & Hunter & Omega & Tech & Wrecker

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Parasites, Discussion of Death, Discussion of Suicide, Cannibalism (at least kinda... Adding it just to be safe)

Summary:

After Omega falls into some water during a mission, she starts acting strange. The Batch soon learn that Omega's caught a parasite that occasionally alters her behaviour and, if not removed, will cause her death.

Part 1 for day 18 Mind control and Possession for @ailesswhumptober

Part 2 for day 20 of AI-less Whumptober Stranger to Caretaker

Link: 1 2

Read on Ao3

Baldur's Gate 3:

Day 2: Sickness

Relationships: Astarion/Wyll

Content Warnings: Emetophobia

Summary:

Caught between a rock and a hard place, Astarion ends up drinking the blood of a Shadow-Cursed creature.

Lucky for him, Wyll isn't going to let him suffer the consequences alone.

Link: Day 2: Sickness

Read on Ao3

Day 3: Hypothermia

Relationships: None

Content Warnings: Emetophobia (mentioned)

Summary:

After almost 200 years in darkness, Astarion isn't used to the sun. On a particularly hot day, he gets to see just how bad the sun can make him feel even when it isn't burning him.

Link: Day 3: Hypothermia

Read on Ao3

Day 4: Hidden Injury

Relationships: Astarion/Halsin

Content Warnings: Blood

Summary:

It isn't hard for Halsin to see that something is wrong when Astarion returns from hunting seeming off.

Getting Astarion to accept his help however, is a completely different kind of challenge.

Link: Day 4: Hidden Injury

Read on Ao3

Day 5: Impaled

Relationships: Astarion/Karlach

Content Warnings: Blood, Impalement

Summary:

Astarion is badly injured, but with Karlachs still out of control heart, she can do nothing but watch as he suffers.

Link: Day 5: Impaled

Read on Ao3

Day 6: Nightmares

Relationships: Astarion/Wyll

Content Warnings: Vague mention of past rape/non-con

Summary:

As Astarion has a nightmare, their shared tadpole problem ends up giving Wyll a first row seat to Astarions relived memory.

Link: Day 6: Nightmares

Read on Ao3

The Clone Wars:

Good Soldier

Relationships: Dogma & Tup, Dog,a & Fives, Dogma & Kix, Dogma & clone oc

Content Warnings: Abuse, Choking, Blood and Injury, Burns

Summary:

The Umbara arc, but Pong Krell uses Dogma's obedient nature to abuse him.

Chapter links: 1 2 3 4

Read on Ao3

Oversight

Relationships: none

Content Warnings: Abuse, Choking, Burns

Summary:

Rex watches the surveillance footage of the abuse Dogma suffered at the hands of Krell on Umbara.

Written as an addition to Good Soldier and for @whumptober Day 28: CCTV

Link: Oversight

Read on Ao3

Jojo's Bizzare Adventure:

Day 3: Warmth

Relationships: Avdol/Polnareff (Pre-Relationship)

Content Warnings: None

Summary:

Polnareff doesn’t deal well with the cold nights in Egypt. Lucky for him, one of his fellow travellers runs naturally hot.

Link: Day 3: Warmth

Read on Ao3

Day 5: Nightmare / Comfort

Relationships: Avdol/Polnareff

Content Warnings: Minor Description of Injuries, Talk about death

Summary:

Post sdc, Avdol has a nightmare.

Link: Day 5: Nightmare / Comfort

Read on Ao3

Trust

Relationships: Avdol/Polnareff

Content Warnings: Blood and Injury, Description of Injuries

Summary:

After defeating Cameo, Avdol offers to help Polnareff with his injuries and the two of them have a much-needed conversation.

Link: Trust

Read on Ao3

[rageofthemuffin]

Easter Sneak Peek

Hoping to have the final chapter of the werewolf au up by the end of the week!

---

“You could ask before you destroy my kitchen, you know.”

“Do we look like we’re destroying things?” Rex retorted.  Fives turned to face Cody with big, innocent eyes.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Cody said, nonplussed.  “The jerky is on the top shelf, Fives.”

“I looked there!” Fives pouted but looked again, grumbling as he found that Cody was right.

Cody heard the sound of the shower turning on in his bathroom and was briefly annoyed at the thought that he could have joined Obi-Wan there if his brother’s weren’t around.  He lowered himself into a chair at the table, wincing at the soreness radiating through his entire body.

“You okay?  Did you pull something?” Rex asked, ever observant.

“Don’t think so,” Cody grunted.  “Just taking me a bit longer to bounce back this time around.”

Rex hummed.  “Kix is giving Echo his massage right now, you could go get in line.”

“It’s fine,” Cody said dismissively.  Echo’s chronic pain from his injuries always flared up particularly badly after a full moon, especially one with weather like last night’s.  The ache Cody felt wasn’t one that would be soothed by a massage from his brother.  It was deep inside his bones, and he knew instinctively that the one thing he could do to fix it was the one thing he was unwilling to do.

“We’ll get out of your hair when Kix and Echo are done,” Rex promised. 

“You don’t have to,” Cody protested, wishing that it was just a touch more genuine than he could make it.

“You look rough, Cody,” Rex said bluntly.  “Rougher than normal.”

“Do you think you’re getting sick?” Fives asked, munching on the jerky and passing a few pieces to Rex.

“No!” Cody snapped.

Kix lowered his head in apology, retreating to the second bedroom with an excuse about checking on Echo.

Rex stared Cody down, unimpressed.  “That was unnecessary.”

Cody didn’t answer for fear of snapping again.

Rex let the silence linger for a while, snacking away.  “It’s not the end of the world if you’re sick, you know.”

“I don’t get sick.”

Rex did a very poor job of not rolling his eyes.  “Okay, sorry.  It’s not the end of the world if Kote’s sick.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Cody grumbled.  “He doesn’t really get sick either.”

“Everyone gets sick once in a while, Cody.  Not wanting to isn’t generally enough to keep it from happening.”

Cody huffed, laying his head down on the table.  “I’m not sick.”

“If you say so.”  Rex stood, brushing invisible crumbs off his hands.  “I’m gonna go check to see if everyone’s ready to go.”

It wasn’t long before they were, the whole group gathering at the door to say goodbye.  Cody sent each of them off with a hug, murmuring a quick apology to Fives.  Rex was the last out the door, holding onto Cody when he tried to pull back.  

“The sooner you let Kote do what he needs to do, the sooner it’ll be over.”

Cody stepped back more forcefully this time.  “He doesn’t need to do anything.  I’m fine.”

Rex sighed but didn’t push it.  “Tell Obi-Wan thanks again.”

“I will.”

“Take care, Cody.”

“You, too.  I’ll see you when I see you.”

Rex nodded, finally stepping out of the house and letting Cody close the door behind him.  He ran a heavy hand down his face, dropping into his living room chair.

“Oh, did they leave already?” Obi-Wan asked, emerging from the bedroom with his hair still damp.

“You just missed them,” Cody confirmed.  “They said thanks again.”

Obi-Wan waved his hand.  “It was no trouble.  Shame I didn’t get to see them off, though.”

“They’ll be back,” Cody smiled tiredly.  “Like a stubborn rash.”

Obi-Wan snorted.  “Don’t act like you don’t love them.”

“Never said I didn’t.”

Obi-Wan sauntered over, dropping himself into Cody’s lap.  Normally, that would have been very much welcome, but this time, it brought Kote surging back to the surface.  He pushed wordlessly at Cody’s skin, desperate for comfort from his mate.  Cody tensed up again, grimacing, and Obi-Wan immediately stood back up.

“Are you alright?  What’s wrong?”

Cody just shook his head.

“Cody, you’re starting to scare me.  Did you get hurt?”  Obi-Wan crouched in front of him, hands held out like he wanted to touch Cody, but stopping short.

“No,” Cody gritted out.  

“You seem like you’re in pain.”

“It’s nothing,” he insisted, fists clenched tightly.  

“Well, it’s clearly not nothing, Cody.”

“Just drop it!” Cody growled, cringing at the way Obi-Wan recoiled in surprise.  “I’m sorry.  I think  I just need to be alone for a while.  I’m gonna take another nap.”

“Alright,” Obi-Wan agreed, standing to give Cody some space with concern still written all over his face.

Cody did his best to ignore it and retreated guiltily to the bedroom.  He laid down, giving the wolf a stern warning to stay put as he allowed himself to succumb to sleep once more.

[disability-confessions]

I went to a festival yesterday and. shit. I’ve been pretty sure I have chronic headaches/migraines and chronic pain for a while and it was just flaring up so badly yesterday. My glasses were making my headache/migraine worse and I had to take them off three times, as well as sitting down/crouching cause I literally could not physically keep standing. I can’t even get a diagnosis cause my parents don’t believe I have any disability besides my speech impairment (I also have two sleep disorders). I’m going to start logging my headaches/migraines to be sure that I have chronic headaches/migraines as well as possibly logging my chronic pain though I’m pretty damn sure I have it. Considering it’s not normal to consistently have back pain at least 5 times a week, if not more. Sorry just. Mmmm. Hate being chronically ill. I wasn’t able to completely enjoy the outing and my family and friends will probably never understand that (though I’m kind of glad they won’t)

.

[sweetmage]

TW Chronic illness, mental illness, disability stigma, venting (putting it below the cut) Also sorry for sad posting on this fun fandom account so often. I do not have close people I can discuss these things with so sometimes it just helps to yell into the void 😅 Block #Jun Rants to not see it!

I am having a very bad flare up of my chronic illness. Worst in a while!! It affects my emotions very badly. Constant weeping and feeling sick and nervous and very sad on top of that physical illness symptoms and pains like aches, fever, heart flutters, dizziness, headaches, etc. 😭 I developed PMDD about 2 years ago. I went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack because I was so weak and dizzy and scared and my heart was beating very fast. It was a panic attack brought on by physical symptoms caused by what I later learned to be PMDD.

I like to be open an honest about my disabilities (such as my vision, being neurotypical, and so on) but I have struggled with this one due to how often it gets downplayed due to misogyny and misinformation. It is not "a bad case of PMS", it is a serious and often times debilitating mental health and physical health condition that can completely wreck your brain and body once every 2-3 weeks or so and leaves little time to recover in between. It's exhausting. I feel sad because I think I have lost a bit of myself due to it. I have always struggled with mental health, but since my body decided I needed a new condition I have become a lot more moody and nervous and depressive. I mourn the fact that I am not as fun anymore (and struggle to have fun myself) because often I am self-conscious or sad. I try to project a happy image and push myself to be more outgoing, but it's very difficult and my real emotions slip through a lot. I feel guilty about it, i don't enjoy being a downer and I miss feeling semi-normal and not constantly feeling sick or shaking from fear of everything (intrusive thoughts, fear of judgement, overthinking everything I do or say, etc.). I try to interact with people more but I feel scared a lot. I have a handful of close people in my life but they have their own problems and I don't think I can come to them. I try to make friends online but I feel embarrassed when I say anything to people no matter what it is, even if they aren't actually judging me. I tried to get medication for my depression last month but the psychiatrist was horrible and cruel to me and was very judgmental. I'm not sure what else to do or if there is anything at all I can do. I regret mentioning having this condition to a male psychiatrist... Even today I am feeling very sick in my head and stomach and shaking a lot, but I tried to go outside and have a decent day because I don't want to give up even though everything is hard and has been hard and keeps getting harder. I don't know, at least rambling into the void kinda helps a little. That's all I can really do.

[flowercrowncrip]

hey echo, i'm really relieved you made it through the weekend and i'm so excited for your merfolk costume! i've always loved swimming and mer and, since becoming a wheelchair user myself, i've found imagery of mers using mobility aids creatively inspiring. i may have to try my hand at crocheting an eel or shark tail blanket for halloween

what i'm really writing in to say is that i had surgery a few weeks ago, intersex reconstructive surgery (stage one) under the "guise" of gender affirming surgery (for insurance purposes!) and i haven't been able to use my wheelchair at all during recovery. the farthest i can walk is to-from the restroom, but that's very dangerous, painful, and exhausting. i may need a revision to allow me to ever comfortably and safely use my chair again - this is, in part, the fault of my surgeons for not also consulting with a durable medical equipment specialist pre-op/providing one for me to consult with, but i also failed to opt out of a choice that was bundled into the surgical package normally and, for me, is FULLY cosmetic and not essential to function.

i'm really upset with myself for making the best choice for my health and mobility, and upset with my surgeons for not properly advising me as a patient. this is fixable however, i just... have to tolerate a reduced quality of life, reduced mobility, increased risk to my health, and of course the expected risks of a person with severe rheumatoid arthritis undergoing further surgery. i talk to my surgeons this week about revision! however, i was wondering if you had any advice for dealing with... feeling so frustrated with yourself over things like this? it is so, so unlike me to make such an impactfully negative choice regarding my health and mobility, and i can't help but feel stupid. my therapist (who is a trans woman herself) is very sympathetic, but isn't chronically ill, and doesn't fully grasp how impactful this is. i can't even go outside... ):

thank you so much echo, sending you all my love

That sounds like you’re going through a lot and that it’s very raw and emotional right now, which is totally understandable.

Every disabled person I know has made decisions that have harmed them. And I really mean everyone. Sometimes we don’t know what the consequences will be, sometimes it feels like the benefits will outweigh the risks, sometimes we’re pressured into making the decision that ultimately hurts us, sometimes we don’t realise how bad it will be, there’s so many reasons

I’ve certainly done it – in small ways that lead to temporary flares and in big ways that have permanently changed my body. I’ve also made decisions that could have impacted me really badly and came away, by pure luck, without anything bad happening.

I definitely have regrets over some of those choices, but I have gotten to the point where I don’t hate my past self for making them. I hope that with time you can get there too

Absolutely nobody goes through life without making choices they later regret. As disabled people we’re unlucky that a lot of our choices have higher stakes than non disabled people, but we’re still human and we can’t expect to be perfect and always get things right. And that’s okay

It doesn’t sound to me like you chose to be unable to use your wheelchair, it sounds like you chose to undergo surgery you thought would improve your life in different ways. A lot of people – most likely me included – would make that same choice. And I’m sure there are many possible worlds where you made the same choice and could still use your wheelchair safely.

I know (albeit through very different circumstances) how devastating it is to be without a wheelchair for longer periods with no clear end in sight and I offer you all the sympathy I can. I hope you can find things that bring you comfort and interest in less than ideal circumstances. I don’t know if you want advice about coping with being unable to get out, so I won’t offer any here but I’m happy to share what helped me if you ever want to know.

I wish you all the best with recovery and whatever your next steps are – whether they include revision or not.

On a less serious note I would absolutely love to see a crocheted eel or shark tail if you make one! They both sound amazing! (Or any craft projects – I love seeing what people create)

I’m the same with being inspired by how much disability comes into the stories of merfolk – chronic pain, speech loss and mobility aid use are so tied up in them that there’s so much room for disabled imagination. (And also queer imagination!)

That’s definitely a huge part of why it’s my pride outfit, and I’m really looking forward to wearing it out. I got a rainbow bubble machine today to add some extra fun to it all!

Sending you so much love in return 💜

[rowingupstream]

I can do serious amounts of exercise if it is slow. A stroll. A saunter. Resting when my heart rate goes up even the tiniest bit - that usually makes me dizzy and nauseous and I start having trouble breathing (not...literally? It just gets so uncomfortable I start holding my breath or breathing shallowly). What I do is not what most people consider hiking, or even walking for exerciize. But I can climb 40 km up a mountain in a day, doing that. And yet I can't hike even a short hike with a group. I have to stick to my own pace.

Recently I've taken up biking. I'm hesitant - if I fall and break something, it won't heal right. They never do. But it's so much healthier and cheaper - I can't walk fast enough to commute or go shopping without a car, but I think I actually could switch from a car to a bike? Perhaps an ebike? It's so pleasant to bike. Today I did 12km- just lovely, utterly lovely. But I read that on hills you should switch to a low gear with almost no resistance and pedal fast to maintain speed, so the one hill I hit I tried that - I almost threw up. I was too dizzy to walk. It was a half mile to a convenience store where I could buy a sports drink and getting there took over an hour, even though it was downhill and I let the bike carry me most of the way. I downed 60-odd ounces of electrolyte filled liquid and then suddenly felt perfectly fine. Dehydration or a new symptom? I've been wondering if the dizziness vertigo if heart rate rises stuff might be me developing POTS.

The problem is that I get so little warning that I'm approaching a physical limit. I'm fine and then boom I am incapable of even walking or thinking or talking. Everything hurts. But actually I can't tell if there is no warning that it is coming, or if I just trained myself to ignore it. I think some of it is that, as a person with chronic pain, I've taught myself to ignore it. To just barrel by it. Stuff has to be done! Laying in bed doesn't help and often makes it worse! (Sometimes it hurts so much, or my muscles feel so weak, or I feel like I can't think or process so badly that I give up on getting out of bed for a day or two - there is a reason I keep several liters of water and snacks next to the bed - but usually I just tell myself to pain is a lie and do whatever.)

It seems so impossible to explain: yes I was bragging about a 40km hike last month but I don't want to go 3 km with you next weekend. Yes I can bike 12 km today but yesterday I couldn't get out of bed. How do I ask an employer for accommodations for that? It makes no sense! I can't even explain it to my friends and family.

On the better side of things - once upon a time my joints hurt so much I cried on the way to work every day because the vibrations of the car hurt my wrists (and ankles and knees) so much. That is pretty much gone, thanks to meds. I can drive, ride planes and trains, whatever. When I first started biking a few weeks ago, my wrists and fingers would get tingly like they were falling asleep, and I'd stop early to keep from irritating them into an inflammation flare up. That has mainly gone away - my wrists hurt sometimes but more of a "twisted a bit wrong and it pulled a bit" way than nerves misfiring or bones grinding. Having that bit of extra muscle from riding a bike semi regularly seems to be really helping. I never managed that by putting on arm muscle at the gym - doing weights and stuff - but apparently putting on muscle in this specific way works for me.

[ineffectualdemon]

I had a very good doctor when I was about 17 (the only good doctor we ever had in the states. I later was told she may have been murdered by her husband but that's a rumour) tell me that a lot of my health problems were because I had, basically, intolerance to stress

She said everyone has a bar of how much stress they can tolerate before it overwhelms them and affects them badly both physically and mentally

And that for me, my bar is naturally a lot lower than most people's

If most people's bar is a high jump I have bar that I can step over

Over the decades since I have found this is true and other doctors have basically backed that up. I had a GP over here ban me from watching the news when I went from doing better with my mental health to spiralling dangerously within a week

If I get too stressed I end up collecting the following symptoms: (note they generally happen in the order they appear on this list but the older ones don't go away)

IBS flares

Headaches

Chronic pain flares

Low mood/depression

Eating becomes a struggle

Nightmares

Migraines

Suicidal ideation

Hallucinate worms under my skin

Self harm urges

Delusions/hallucinations at night about a shadow figure stalking me in the dark

Voices of past abusers calling my name

Hallucinations of dark shapes moving out of the corner of my eye

Voices yelling random words at me or screaming them in my ear

Paranoia

All of the above increasing in intensity

And here's the thing, it can escalate really fucking fast too

The only thing to help with this is to manage my stress levels which my cat helps with by demanding cuddles when it's bad. But it's really difficult to do so effectively.

And seeking treatment for stress gets you a lot of nonsense cure all claims from shady people as well

It's hard to find effective help that doesn't tack on claims that make me angry

I would love more research into stress and understand what it does to me better

part of why i recognize little to no difference between so-called "recreational" vs "medical" drug use is because i recognize stress as a medical issue. mind-body dualism has us all convinced that stress is an ephemeral emotion that doesn't affect our bodies, but like daily stress, particularly if you're also disabled in some way, just Will Kill You. it can destroy your organs, overclock your brain, weaken your immune system... the effects of prolonged and consistent stress are underresearched (because then we'd have to question how we allocate labor. lmao), but they're there. if you use weed every day for no reason other than you need to force yourself to relax chemically so you can have fun and take your mind off stress, that is indistinguishable from medical use to me, having discarded mind-body dualism.

[sundrownsthehouse]

Just need to get this out somewhere- it's personal and not happy and I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I just feel like I could scream right now

I hurt my back badly a few years ago and have struggled with periods of chronic pain since. It's flared up again now and I've been in so much fucking pain for the last two weeks. It never stops, and the only time I'm not aware of it is when I manage to fall asleep. Of all the things I usually do when it gets bad, not a single thing is helping right now. I want to cry, but I know that if I get upset it just makes my experience of the pain worse, so I'm trying so hard to stay calm and distract myself, but I'm so sad and scared and frustrated. And I just have to keep living life and go to work and feed myself three times a day and do laundry and all this shit that I just don't fucking care about right now because every single second that passes hurts.

The muscular pain I can ease with heat and movement, but the nerve pain? There's nothing I can do to stop that. It's like searing lines of fire running through my hip, down the front of my leg, around my knee, all the way to my ankle sometimes. It's constantly shifting and moving around, so it's always at the front of my mind

idk, I'm just tired and sad and I just needed to say it somewhere because I'm at a loss

[britt-thats-it]

Being back on tumblr is so nice. It’s like I never left (except I can’t remember everyone I used to follow/they probs left too).

(feelsies under the cut)

I only left because this couple I almost dated (who took my not dating them very hard) sort of cyber stalked me here. I kept making new accounts and they kept finding them and showing them to everyone in the scene we were all part of and following all the people I was mutuals with and it was… not cool.

Anyway, I’ve been really struggling with grief since quarantine. I had a huge falling out with my sister who I had been living with for the last 4 years. Her lack of recovery was badly interfering with my recovery and I was so deeply triggered by her behavior that I was barely functioning. I was in a constant state of flared up, in so much pain every day, even laying down was uncomfortable. I wasn’t able to eat bc my reflux was going crazy, I was starting to drink too much (something I hadn’t struggled with in years), I wasn’t sleeping. The pressure of being home together all the time took its toll.

Coincidentally, divine timing being what it is, my partner and I were spending hours on the phone every day. Just falling so in love. We’d already been together for almost a year, but her two other relationships falling apart, career change, and my chronic illness and not remembering how to be in a relationship (lol— it had been a LONG time and I was fully down to spend the rest of my life alone) kept us at a bit of a distance. We had been very close friends for a couple years beforehand, so when we took things to a romantic level, the feelings progressed quickly but we just didn’t have much time for each other. Anyway, she invited me to come stay with her. I was only planning on 2 weeks, but I literally never left. Everything just felt so easy and sweet. We handle each other with such care. Over the last 3 years my life has become a kind of stable that I’ve never (I mean NEVER) experienced. I love it and I am so grateful for it.

But I remember from my trauma-filled childhood, the survival mode of the present puts off the feelings for later. It isn’t until you have a calm moment that the feelings about what you just went through hit you.

The last 7 years hit me like an 18 wheeler. Going no contact with my family, living on the road, losing my job and being homeless, moving to nyc on a wing and a prayer, living with my sister and reliving A lot of my childhood through her behaviors, struggling through the capitalist ass New York art scene as an autistic person while also being very poor, working my fucking ass off, *just* about to hit my stride and do this fuckin career thang and boom. Covid.

I made an album, collaborated on a friend’s album, started my podcast and wrote a book. I’m in the middle of making another album. All this while feeling myself really trust someone, really learn what partnership means, really feeling like an adult, but also feeling so so wounded. The grief has been the heaviest thing I’ve ever felt. I lost myself a little bit. Insert bloody goopy chrysalis metaphor here.

I did all this but not joyfully, not really. Something was missing.

I have been trying, in the last few months, to unironically find my bliss again. I lost my sparkle, I lost my drive. I really feel like I experienced my own metaphorical death. I was anxious and raw, I second-guessed every interaction because I felt like I didn’t know how to be a person. I was completely sober!! Just fucking raw dogging life!!! I was scared all the time. I forgot my passions, I forgot my purpose. I still worked on stuff, I still created (a lot that I’m proud of!!) but idk I just wasn’t the same free-spirited confident lil powerhouse I came to know myself to be.

I think I gave too much on other social media. I think I was too vulnerable and too available and it got me into trouble. I think I confused work for life and I soured my own creation process for me. It became too important. Every hobby, every passion became kindling for money making or making “it” or whatever. I forgot how to have fun. I burnt myself out.

I recently started remembering hobbies I had that I never shared with anyone irl. Exercise/weight lifting, which I picked back up again in February, slowly testing the waters to see if my disordered relationship to it would return, it didn’t. Feeling myself getting stronger being exactly what I needed (literally and metaphorically) and all the good stuff that does to my confidence. Playing music just for fun, just sitting down with an instrument and playing 😫 locking myself in a room and flitting around like a mad scientist creating something I love 😫 dancing 😫 meditation 😫 journaling 😫 pulling tarot cards just for me 😫 and finally, longing for connection of some sort; for actual vulnerability and not people just fucking marketing themselves all the time— I remembered how much tumblr helped me. How much it inspired me. How it helped me become the person who made all those scary changes, who learned who I am and learned how to walk away. So much good came from that decade I spent here, so I decided to come back.

It’s exactly what I needed.

[sheerioswifties]

...realizing that my chinchilla is more loving, caring, and protective of me than any member of my human family

[capseycartwright]

squeezing hand for comfort and encouragement with buddie please 🥺

Buck was no stranger to chronic pain. He wishes that was a statement he couldn’t say with such confidence at thirty years old, but it was the truth. As much as his medical team had performed miracles by putting his leg back together after the bombing, the pain had stayed longer after the pins had been taken out and he’d been cleared medically fit to work. When he’d mentioned it to his doctor, he’d given Buck a sympathetic look, and admitted he would have to live with it. For all the innovations there was in medicine, sometimes there was no cure – sometimes, Buck had discovered, you just had to live with it.

Most of the time, he was fine – really. His leg rarely flared up badly, which was why it probably felt worse when it did. Most of the time, it was a cramp or some stiffness – like when he’d spent too long playing on the floor with Jee-Yun and his bad knee had seized up.

The pain had been different, recently. Buck had called out sick three times in a week, because when he’d swung himself out of bed and put his bad leg on the floor, it had hurt so much it had reduced him to tears.

It was Bobby, who’d told Buck to book an appointment to check himself checked out – but it had been Eddie who was standing outside of the doctor’s office, looking nervous as he waited. Eddie, who Buck hadn’t seen in almost four months, hadn’t seen him since Eddie had quit the 118. Eddie, who had a new haircut, and a new job, and a new life, outside of Buck.

“Eddie,” Buck managed to croak the word out, limping toward Eddie. “What are you doing?”

“Cap called me,” Eddie said easily, as though Bobby was still his captain – and not just someone Eddie used to work with. Buck hated the way the words seemed to come easily for Eddie, hated how he seemed better, less stressed now, hated that leaving seemed to have done him good. It’s not as though Buck wanted Eddie to suffer, but he wished it hadn’t been so easy for Eddie to walk away.

“He shouldn’t have,” Buck couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice as he spoke, glaring at Eddie. “I can do this alone.”

“I know,” Eddie didn’t look offended. “I know you can, Buck, and I know you’re mad – and you’ve got every right to be – but I also know that you didn’t let me go through any of this alone, after the shooting,” he shook his head. “So – however weird it is between us now, I’m not letting you go through this alone. Okay?”

Buck was tired. Deep down in his bone’s kind of tired. Life had been a mess, since Eddie had left – his relationship with Taylor had crumbled under the weight of the pressure Buck had put on it, determined to make something perfect out of something that was never going to last. Work had been – fine, maybe. Chimney was back, but there was still an Eddie shaped hole in their team, and in Buck’s life. They’d been passing Christopher between them like they’d gone through a bitter divorce, and Buck was tired – he was tired of everything, but most of all, he was tired of being in pain.

“I’m tired, Eddie,” he admitted, eyes welling with tears as he looked at his best friend.

“I know,” Eddie said, voice soothing as he wrapped an arm around Buck’s waist, supporting his weight. “I know you are, Buck.”

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Buck continued, because the admissions were coming, now, and why would he stop?

“I wish we’d never fought in the first place,” Eddie admitted, giving Buck’s waist a light squeeze. “Listen – I’m not going to pretend as though everything is going to be solved like this, quick and easy, but I miss you, Buck. I miss you all the time – and I want my partner back. So just – let me here for you, now, for this appointment, and afterward, let me take you home, and we can talk properly.”

Buck nodded, helpless to do anything but agree. “Eddie?” he said, voice tiny, thick with tears.

Eddie looked at him, eyes wide, and full of care, just like they always were. Even underneath a new haircut and wearing a jacket Buck didn’t recognise, this was Eddie, his Eddie. “Yeah, Buck?”

“What if it’s bad?” and God, Buck was blubbering because he even got into the doctor’s office. He’d been spiralling for days, wondering what this new pain meant – if it meant that they needed to operate again, if it meant pins and bolts and months out of work, or an end to his career altogether.

“I don’t know what’s wrong,” Eddie admitted, careful fingers easing Buck’s clenched fist open, linking their fingers together. Buck’s not sure he’d ever held Eddie’s hand before – but it felt nice. “It could be bad,” he conceded. “Or it might not be,” he continued. “But either way – I’m here, okay? And we’re going to figure it out together.”

Eddie punctuated his words with a gentle squeeze of encouragement, giving Buck a soft look. “Okay?”

Buck swallowed back the worst of his tears, knowing nothing was okay, not really – but maybe it would be, eventually, if Eddie could keep holding his hand. “Okay.”

[btsrunmylife]

Hello! Could I request a comfort drabble? I suffer from some pretty severe back and neck pain, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need shoulder surgery soon. Sometimes I just feel so terrible and I'm in so much pain, medication, even prescriptions, don't help. I still have to do things, though, because I'm an adult with responsibilities and crap, but god, sometimes it would just be nice to have someone (Yoongi?) not even necessarily to take care of me, but to just /listen and understand, you know?

Hi lovely! I have to say, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through or how this feels, but I have various people in my life who live with chronic pain and I understand (to an extent) how frustrating it can be! I tried my best to put myself in your shoes to write something to comfort you. I’m hoping I accomplished that 🥺 Wishing you the best and hoping for better, pain-free days in your future! 💜

The Comfort Drabbles — About | Masterlist

Yoongi knows before you even speak that it’s been a bad day. He eyes you from across the table you’ve settled into at a small café. He sees it in the way you keep shifting in your seat, in the way you hold your breath and clench your jaw.

“Come on,” he says after a moment, getting to his feet.

You frown at him. “Where are we going?”

He grabs your coffee and motions toward the door. “The weather is nice, let’s go for a walk.”

You see through it, of course. The weather is nice, but you know he’s only asking because you can’t get comfortable. Still, neither of you mention it as you follow slowly behind him, trying not to wince at the sharp pain in your back.

He passes you your coffee once you’re outside and strolling down the sidewalk, walking in the direction of the park down the street. “Tired?”

That’s the understatement of the year. You give him a flat look. “I’m exhausted.”

He grunts, knowing exactly what you mean. Living in constant pain is frustrating and draining. Some days are better than others, but then you move a certain way and the pain flares up all over again. Then you have days – sometimes weeks – where the pain just never stops. It’s times like that you have to convince yourself just to get out of bed.

Some days you even have to convince yourself to go to bed, especially when you just can’t seem to get comfortable no matter what you do or how you lay. There have been so many sleepless, restless nights that you’re not sure what a good night’s sleep is anymore.

“What’d the new doctor say?” he asks with a sip of his coffee.

You roll your eyes. “What they always say. They don’t have anything stronger to give me. I’m going to need surgery soon.”

You feel the frustration roll through you like a wave. You’d been hoping to avoid surgery. You don’t want it, knowing the recovery will be intense and time-consuming. You know that when Yoongi got his shoulder surgery, he said it felt like his arm wasn’t even a part of him at times. You don’t want that. You’ve already felt restricted enough by your own body, your body that’s supposed to take care of you and support you.

You feel betrayed enough by it as it is, but you know it’ll be even worse – that your frustration will be worse – after an invasive surgery like the doctors are recommending.

“That’s gonna suck,” he states plainly, never one to sugar coat things. You almost laugh about it because you know it’s true.

“And nobody understands,” you start with a huff of annoyance. “Everyone just thinks oh, you’re overreacting. Oh, I’m sure you’re fine, just stretch a little. No! I’m in pain all of the time and people just expect me to operate like a normal human being! Sometimes I don’t feel normal. I don’t even feel human. There are times I want the pain to stop so badly that I just want to evaporate into nothing.”

Yoongi is silent for a moment and when you glance sideways at him, he’s got his lips in a thin line. When he sees you looking, he offers a small nod. “I get that. It’s even more frustrating because you want to do the things people expect of you, but you either can’t or it’s hard. Sometimes you try and it just…makes things so much worse.”

“It does! And then you feel bad about yourself because you can’t do certain things even though you're an adult and have to do those things. But it’s not because I’m lazy or don’t want to, it’s because I am physically incapable. God, it sucks!”

He grins at your outburst, his gummy smile making an appearance when you realize you’d just yelled in the middle of the park. You duck your head in embarrassment, but he just wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you into his side.

“It does suck,” he agrees. “And your frustration is valid.” He side-eyes you, then reminds you, “You’re also allowed to vent to me whenever you want or ask for help on days when things get too hard.”

You purse your lips at him. “You won’t get annoyed with me?”

He snorts. “Hell no. If people could put up with my cranky ass before and after my shoulder surgery, I think I’m more than capable of listening to you.”

“Are you saying I’m cranky?” You narrow your eyes, making him laugh.

“Some days,” he admits with a cheeky grin. He laughs when you sock him in the arm and he gives your waist a subtle squeeze. “But it’s okay. I’m here for you, even on days when things are hard. You aren’t going to drive me away.”

You relax into his side, glad to have him here to listen to you. Glad to have someone who understands what you’re going through. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he shrugs, pressing a quick and subtle kiss to the side of your head. “It’s what you do for the ones you love, right?”

You sigh happily, laughing quietly at his inability to say the phrase outright, even after all this time together. 

“I love you too, Yoongi,” you tease.

He presses his lips together to hide his laughter, shaking the hair from his face as he glances at the path in front of you. “Yeah, I love you.”