#My bestie says it’s sick hormones

[lauryn-order]

I can’t stop crying and I just need cuddles 😭

[metranart]

Imagine Geto and Gojo like your glorified bullies. They have had their eyes on you ever since they saw you. No one actually believed them to be bullies, sure they are arrogant and a bit mean but still, they are the golden duo of the Campus, loved and adored by everyone… but secretly obsessed with you, so but SO obsessed that their innocent teasing, playful at most, in time became more physical….

"Eyes on me, pretty," Geto grunts and swears and sweats and CAN'T seem to look away when he guides you down and kiss the tip of his cock, your tongue licking the roundness of the head like a lollipop, all in hope that this one-night stand will manage to dissuade this devilish duo from continuing to harass you, make them have their fill and be done with you. 

Geto watches you closely, breaths coming out labored and heavy. Your pretty eyes finally locking with his lovesick stare, orbs full of a sick devotion he refuses to give to anyone else, only perhaps to Satoru, who right now can’t help but chuckle amused at the love-stricken look Geto has on his face, not realizing he has the same damn look right at that moment.

"Dammit! you’ll be my end, I just know it,” the raven-haired heaves way too reverently before he realizes how vulnerable you are making him look and immediately, tries to keep face in front of a giggling Satoru. “Told ya, this little cunt can easily take us both.” 

Geto's hand comes to rest on your hair a little meaner, pushing you down and making you choke on his fat cock, but—… allowing you to control the speed with which you suck him off. Dammit! he just can’t control that soft spot he has for you.

Gojo snickers and rolls his eyes, shaking his head lightly at the devastating effect your mere existence has in his bestie… and in him, if he’s being honest. 

"Don't hog her, Suguru-"  

You blearily stare back into Satoru Gojo’s pouting grimace and he looks more frustrated than amused this time, you could laugh at how pathetic he looks if your mouth wasn't being used to make his best friend cum. Your drooling lips dragging over Suguru's throbbing cock, you can only try to follow his thrusting hips in order to protect the fragile, frayed strands of your sanity.

“You said you w-wanted….” Suguru has to concentrate to form logical sentences, “her s-sweet pussy first-…” he chokes a little when the tip touches the back of your throat but recovers the best he can, “then have-have her sweet p-pussy first, dumbass.”

You just ignore their little quarrel, just nibbling the sides of Geto's cock before he´s making you go down on him with a little more force, taking him whole in one go. Gojo lets his growing twinge of jealousy guide his next actions and with a mischievous grin, varnishes his lips in saliva, making sure are nice and slick to lick a fat and wet trip on your quivering slit.

You yelp at the unexpectedness and Geto shushes you, a benevolent expression on his face. 

"Just concentrate on sucking my cock," he hums and noticing your struggle, adds, "breath through your nose, pretty, nice and easy... just listen to my voice, sweetness." 

Eventually you do as he says, taking more of Geto in your mouth. "That's right, that's a good girl.” The raven-haired praises unable to hide anymore how much he wants you for himself. How much he wants to devote his life to you… and maybe, Satoru as well. If you can handle both, he'll take it... if you only want him, he'll take it faster.

Gojo's pathetic shriek tells Geto that he manages to slip in your tightness and your bouncing hips on his cock make him moan, appreciatively. 

Gojo's powerful hips colliding with your bruised ass cheeks without an inch of restraint is making sucking Geto off, sloppier and dirtier, and somehow, making him love it even more. Making him more verbal and prompter to show his more vulnerable side.

You knew that from the two, Geto was the machiavellian mind behind every act of bullying against you, but right now… this man, this weak mass of hormones, broken groans and trembling thighs under your hands were also showing a disarmingly sweet and unexpected, side of him. Something intimate and utterly private.

"Am I being too rough? Are you comfortable?" His rambling started all of the sudden and kept coming… "You want it deeper, should Gojo speed up or slow down..." "You're so beautiful. Ask us for ANYTHING, we'll put Tokyo at your feet... be our princess." "Shit! If you keep sounding so incredibly adorable, I'm going to cum... I don't want to cum yet-" "No, don't stop, let me hear you... I was just thinking out loud, I love the way our name sounds in your voice. Oh baby! You're going to be my downfall, please... be my downfall!

“OUR downfall!” 

Gojo corrects and the two men lock eyes. His cock stills inside you and your body tenses. There’s a heavy silence before Geto nods in agreement, the easygoing grin back on his lips. 

"Sorry. It slipped out. Our girl," he shifts his dark gaze to your reddened face and his eyes soften again. "You knew we bullied you because we like you, don’cha? I know you knew it-” 

You didn’t. You actually don't want to believe that to be the reason, that reason gives you more chills than the fact that they only saw you as a passing victim. This new information makes you make him cum faster, it slips down your chin and neck at how heavy it is, and you hear him chuckle breathlessly, as one of his hands pet your head, way too gently. 

"Y-You just wanted to keep us on the edge of our seats, y-you wanted to torture us, I just know it, kitten... well, you did well... we're crazy-crazy about you.”

You freeze, don’t knowing how to react, so you don’t… and they notice.

Soon Gojo finishes too, and a loop begins, one after another after another… like trying to brand you from the inside out, they need to seize their chance. Satoru’s strong but gentle fingers keep you effectively anchored to his groin, as he only hums appreciatively in response to your adorable, pathetic moans as both keep feeding those glorious pieces of meat to your conquered holes. 

“You, letting me rut into your softness and enduring our frenzy with such grace has undoubtedly been the best thing of my damn year, pretty." Satoru finally confesses, leaving his tough guy facade aside. Both their masks are off for good now.

Suguru Geto chuckles at his confession, you make them so desperate, so desperate to hear something more than moans mumbled brokenly from your lips, they want to hear you say that you accept all their proposals and future plans, that you are their girlfriend, their future wife, the future mother of their child… he wants to hear that you are HIS… Theirs, he means, theirs. 

But you don’t and that irks and burns deeper than expected and makes them have to go back to their nasty and reprovable behavior. Unfortunately for you, they just run out of patience.

“Y’know,” Suguru starts conversationally, disturbingly stretched grin and unfaltering obsidian gaze betraying his previous gentle approach and innocently whispered proclamations of love. “I REALLY like this pussy… I think we’ll keep it.”

You hear Satoru laugh, and for the first time, you can glimpse your mistake. This wasn’t a night one stand, their greed for you is bottomless, your foolish attempt to tame them, failed and now they look greedier than EVER.

➡️ 👀 Sneak Peek Artwork HERE

🔞➡️ FULL NSFW ART of this drabble HERE

[sugarlywhispers]

b.katsuki x reader ; m.izuku x reader — bakugou cheats on his gf, with midoriya's girlfriend.

☆– warnings; ANGST. swear words, cheating.

☆– i got inspired to write this angst while i was watching Grey's Anatomy, SPOILER ALERT, the episode where Alex leaves Jo and goes back with Izzy.

☆– okay, so, in this blog, we support old, grown up, calmed down mineta. i read a fanfic once (i can't remember the name! ill try to find it🙈) where mineta had cooled down his thirst for women and became a great friend (still with the double meaning of things, but funny actually), and i thought "okay, if we accept redeemed bakugou, we can accept redeemed mineta". in fanfiction, cuz he's still a stupid, hormonal kid in the manga/anime. so expect more cool mineta bestie here, cuz i like and enjoy double meaning humor. if it's not your cup of tea, you're welcome not to read this🤍

It takes a second, a breath, the entrance of air on your lungs to realize. To assimilate what happened, what it means.

"I brought a bottle of wine, some snacks and ice cream… Nothing heals the heart better than ice cream, talking about personal experience here," his voice says, but you're barely paying attention. You even saw him come into your apartment like it's his own, like he has done it thousands of times. But you don't leave your standing position by the door.

You saw the silhouette of Mineta, tall and broad shoulders through the peephole of the entrance door, and for a second you thought it was him. Even though they look nothing alike. But you thought… you wished it was him.

Bakugou Katsuki.

Reality hurts. 

Reality… is a bitch.

It takes a second to blink, to watch how everything changes, how everything falls apart in the simple action of closing and opening one's eyes.

You never thought it would happen to you. You thought he was it for you. You thought Bakugou Katsuki was going to be the one true love of your life. You trusted him. You gave him years of your life. Years where you thought he was the most amazing thing that ever happened to you. Years where you gave up dreams to help and support him in his dreams. And how does he thank you? Cheating. Choosing somebody else over you. Choosing her over you.

"I also heard hooking up with someone else also helps," Mineta jokes, snorting at his own ridiculous words. You know he is joking, he is your best friend and he has always joked this way. You know it. But… the heaviness in your chest doesn't know it. The pain in your heart doesn't know it.

"I'm not offering though… Don't take it personal, love. I love you and you're one the hottest hotties around here, but you're not exactly my type." He chuckles, taking the things he brought on bags over the counter of your kitchen.

You can see him from your position because it's not that far away, your apartment isn't big. When you and Bakugou went apartment hunting two months ago, you didn't want anything big and ostentatious. You simply wanted a home, whether that be a one room apartment.

It had been a home... Or so you thought.

Now, this apartment feels like a prison. A cell where it doesn't hold enough oxygen to breathe. Where every single corner reminds you of him. Where every single item and thing picked to decorate or to use, spoke about him. Him and you.

And there wasn't a "him and you" anymore.

Everything was a reminder of what him and you were.

There fucking isn't a "him and you" anymore.

"He left me," you breathe out, hand trembling over the doorknob.

Mineta turns around then. He sees you, shaking by the closed door at the entrance of your apartment. Hand holding the doorknob with strength, like your whole body depends on that contact to not fall apart. But your face… He has never seen you like this.

It's blank. And it's full of sentiment, emotions that hurt to actually see. Dark circles under your eyes. The skin of your face is pale, almost like a sick person; and that worries him. You're barely holding everything inside.

You are barely looking like your usual self.

Your breathing starts to agitate when you let go of the doorknob and turn your body a bit towards his direction. Then, your eyes find his.

"He… He just left me… And I–... I can't… I can't breathe," you finally cry.

You haven't cried since he confessed he had cheated on you with his ex-girlfriend, Uraraka Ochako. And that he has been doing it for three months. You did cry in that moment, but you haven't done it again. Not even when you broke the news to Mineta two days after–if you could describe your best friend's reaction, it would be murderous. It had been the first time you had seen Mineta Minoru that furious–. And you haven't even cried when you told Midoriya Izuku about what his actual girlfriend had been doing with your now ex-boyfriend. You remembered watching clearly the slow break of the number one Pro Hero's heart right through his eyes.

You haven't cried again until now. 

Why? Because today, you woke up to a message that said: "I'll pick up my stuff and leave the key at the apartment. I'll go in the morning when you're at work so I don't bother you." When you came back from work at 5pm today, Bakugou Katsuki had done as he promised. His clothes were no longer there, just more space for you to hang and organize your clothes. His computer set-up was no longer there, just an empty desk that you could use as your little home office. His shoes were no longer by the door, just empty space that you didn't know how to fill up.

The apartment is small, but it feels huge now that his things are no longer there.

You immediately texted Mineta: "S.O.S.", and it didn't take even an hour for him to appear with all this stuff he bought to make you feel better.

As you finally broke down on your knees, sobbing uncontrollably like you couldn't bring enough air to your lungs, Mineta knew any silly thing he could bring would be able to help you heal.

Because the only one able to heal this pain inside you… is yourself. 

But you're broken now. And Mineta's heart breaks with yours.

As he kneels beside you and holds you in his arms, he prays his friendship is enough to help you put yourself back together. And if not, Mineta prays to whatever exists up there that they send someone that can help you heal your heart with the devotion you deserve.

As you cry in your best friend's chest, you don't hear the little sound of a new notification on your phone. It's a message, that says:

"Hi, Y/N. It's Midoriya… I was just thinking that… only if you want to, if not it's okay… we could go grab a coffee together sometime. Just if you feel like it. Just… let me know if you want."

[charliehoennam]

from cramps to comfort

a/n: my bestie @harmonity-vibes has been having a bit of a tough day and i just wanted to make something nice for her. luv u, hon 💗

pairing: tommy cahill x f!reader

summary: you're on your period, everything sucks so tommy makes it his mission to help you feel better

warnings: mentions of blood, period, fluff, language, not proof-read

Getting off of work is the only thing you've been looking forward to the entire day. All you can think about is getting home and stewing yourself in a nice, hot bath to relief the aching cramps you’ve been feeling.

The day started off terribly wrong right off the bat. You had felt the cramps settling in the previous day and you even set a pad to try and prevent any accidents, but that was a total failure.

You woke up to the large red stain on your bedsheets and you just knew it was going to be one of those days.

As if the staining paranoia and the gut-twisting cramps weren’t enough to make you constantly uncomfortable, you also struggled to deal with your stupid fucking hormones.

Everything and everyone have been annoying or frustrating you for the past couple days. You hate that you feel like ripping everyone’s heads off and having their spleen for dessert. It’s not their fault; you’ve even managed to piss yourself off to the brink of tears. You just can’t help it.

You had no choice, but to brace yourself for the day. You thought about calling in sick, but you figured you could suck it up and face the day. It’d be over quickly and there was so much that you had to do.

After a hot shower to clean yourself up, you got dressed and took your phone from its charger by your nightstand in your rush to catch up with the clock.

Seeing Tommy’s name on the screen almost makes you forget about the pain.

“Morning, beautiful 🥰 Feeling better? Hoped we could have dinner together tonight?”

You read his message, but you have no time to write back. You’re running late thanks to your alarm and mother nature, so you scramble through your apartment to grab everything you could need.

The minute you lock your door, your phone starts buzzing. You lift it up to see who’s calling you and see your boyfriend’s face smiling back at you.

“Hey, Tommy”

“Morning, baby. You missed your alarm again?”

“Yeah, I think I forgot to set it last night. I really passed out, I was so tired.”

He can hear your footsteps going down the stairs as you make your way to the front entrance.

“Are you feeling any better though? You said you were feeling icky yesterday.”

“And now I know why. I got my period.”

“Oh, damn. I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s not your fault, babe. Just Mother Nature being a bitch.”

“Is there anything I can d-“

“Fucking son of a bitch” you grumble as you push the stuck door to open. “Door never works. Sorry, babe. What did you say?”

“I asked if there’s anything I can do?”

“No, Tommy” you say holding your phone between your shoulder and your ear as you fish for your bus pass in your bag. “Fuck!” you groan. “Why can’t anything go right today?”

“What happened?”

“I gotta go back for my stupid fucking bus pass. I forgot it at home.”

“Baby, lemme give you a ride. I’m just a couple blocks over anyways.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be going to work? I don’t wanna make you late.”

“You won’t be, alright? Just wait there and I’ll pick you up, ok?”

“Alright, Tommy. Thank you so much.”

“See you in ten minutes, babe.”

You hang up and sit on the curb to wait for your boyfriend. The cold air tightens your muscles and you’re reminded of the pain in your core. You took medicine in your morning rush, but apparently, it wasn’t enough to numb it out entirely.

You sit and wait with your head tucked down over your arms. You’re so ready for the day to end.

Tommy soon arrives to pick you up as promised, but the wide grin on his face quickly disappears when he realizes how shitty you’re actually feeling.

It breaks his heart to see you in pain and feeling down in the dumps. He’s got a natural instinct for making people laugh and feel good. Not being able to do even that makes him feel useless.

It reminds him of the mental breakdown his brother went through years ago. Although he's gotten better and was able to return to his family a recovered man, depression hits him from time to time when he remembers what he had to endure.

Tommy never fails to cheer him up and remind him that he's a survivor. He might not be a doctor, but he does whatever he can to remind his loved ones that they are loved.

He listens to you vent on route to your workplace, making encouraging remarks when you mention your driving test is today during your lunch break. Tommy does his best to lift your spirits and reminds you of how well you’ve done during his lessons.

He’d been teaching you for the past couple weeks and, although he says you’ve improved a lot, you’re still nervous about the test because the instructor you were paired up with wasn’t exactly the friendliest of folks. It also didn’t help that Tommy is your boyfriend; he could be a little biased.

As you arrive at work, you thank him for the ride and kiss him good-bye. The hand he sets on your cheek makes you want to cancel the entire day just to be with him.

“Hey… All you gotta do is try the best you can today. And if it doesn’t go well, there’s always a tomorrow.”

His gentle voice chases your worries away.

“I know, baby. Thank you. Wish me luck?”

“All the luck in the world, sweetheart. Lemme know how it goes?”

“I will,” he pecks you once more before you climb out of his truck.

“Dinner at your place or mine?” he questions rolling the window down.

“Uhm, mine? Is that ok?”

“Fine by me, beautiful. Have a nice day. Love you!”

“Love you too” you chuckle and step back to let him roll the window back up. Tommy waits until you’re safely in the building to drive away.

Despite your best efforts, the day does not go as well as you had hoped.

The driving test was a total dud. Your instructor was a grade-A asshole. Your boss is riding you over some stupid report he managed to lose and accused you of not handing it in. Your insides feel like knives are churning in your walls. The headache you already took a second dose of painkillers after lunch still persists.

You can’t stop watching the clock and it seem that, as it gets closer to clock-out, time seems to go by even slower.

While you wither away at work, Tommy heads to the local drugstore. Standing the middle of the aisle, he stares at the vast variety of pads and tampons with a store basket in hand.

"What the f-" he whispers to himself as his eyes roam around in confusion. "Why does there have to be so many?"

His brows furrow like he's trying to build a spaceship. He picks one up to read the packaging. It might as well be in a foreign language because nothing makes sense to him.

He has no idea what difference between a pantyliner and overnight pad is. He doesn't understand why the tampons come in sizes.

Desperately confused, he whips his phone to dial his brother's number.

"Sam, hey! You got a minute?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

"I'm trying to get some lady shit for my girlfriend, but I don't understand any of this stuff."

"Yeah, I've been there before."

"Like how do i know what her size is? Is it like the size of her lady bits?"

"No," Sam chuckles. "It's according to her flow."

"How the fuck do i know that?"

"Just get the medium tampons when in doubt. And I'd suggest taking overnight pads. Some girls don't like sleeping with tampons."

"Alright. What are wings though? Should I get them with or without the wings?"

"They're like parts that open up and stick to the underwear, so it doesn't keep moving around. I always get the ones with wings."

Tommy nods and places the phone to hold with his shoulder as he grabs the products from the shelves and sets them in the basket.

"You should probably take some Pamprin too. Midol doesn't work for every girl."

"What the fuck is that?" he frowns.

"Medicine for cramps, Tommy. And my tip? When you're in her bathroom, take pictures of the brands she uses so you don't forget."

"Fuck, I didn't think of that. I gotta do that. Thanks, man."

With 5 minutes left of the extra hours you had to put in due to the driving test, you gather your things and head to the bathroom for a quick tampon change before starting your journey home on the bus.

You haphazardly wrap your scarf around your neck and hook your jacket on to finally make your long-awaited exit, thankfully the day is done.

The door flies open as you eagerly walk outside, but you freeze in your stride as you see Tommy standing in the parking lot, stood against his truck smoking a cigarette as he waits for you in the blistering cold.

He grins watching your face light up at the surprise.

“How long have you been waiting out here?”

“Not too long,” he lies. He’s freezing his balls off, but he doesn’t want to make you feel bad about it, especially since the intention was to surprise you. “I thought you could use a ride.”

“I most definitely can,” you nod walking towards him as he stomps his cigarette out.

He flashes a dopey smile as he cranes his head to kiss you hello. He tastes like smoke, but you don’t mind it. You’re just happy to see him and to feel his prickly beard on your skin.

“Got a couple things for you,” he smirks down at you.

“Oh? Like what?”

“You gotta get home and see,” he chuckles slyly.

You and Tommy had given each other a copy of your home keys as a special milestone in your relationship. It was a major step for him. His time in prison taught him to appreciate his freedom and personal space more, so allowing you to come and go freely meant he trusts you beyond comprehension.

“Just tell me there’s food. I really don’t wanna cook tonight.”

“There’s food, baby. I promise,” he smirks opening the passenger door to help you climb inside.

After a short straight drive home, you head up to your apartment and gasp as you walk inside.

On the table, you find a beautiful bouquet of flowers set in a pretty vase. That wasn’t there before. On the breakfast bar, you see you a box of pizza along with your favorite chips and chocolates all arranged neatly.

“There’s your favorite Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer too. And,” he pauses to walk over to the kitchen, grabbing a plastic bag off the counter. “I wasn’t sure what products you like better. I don't really understand this stuff but I got you medium tampons, night pads, Pamprin and some fuzzy socks,” he grins proudly. “I just thought they were cute.”

You laugh as you walk over to hug him, tears prickling at your eyes.

“Baby, this is so thoughtful. Thank you so much.”

 “Are you crying?” he asks worriedly.

“Yeah, but to be fair, I’ve cried like three time today already. It’s beyond my control. I’m just so tired and in pain all the time.”

“Aw, baby. I’m sorry. That’s gotta be tough. Is there anything else I can do? I-I can run you a bath? Hot water helps, right?” You nod in agreement.

The bubble bath you soak in melts your pain away. It could just be the medicine working, but the warmth of the water provides the relief you’ve been seeking the whole day.

Looking over at the feminine products on the bathroom sink counter, you smile to yourself wondering how you had managed to get so lucky with Tommy.

He might be a little rough around the edges. He smokes, he curses like a sailor, he’s got a temper, but he also takes care of you so well unlike any of your exes ever have before or at least he tries to.

“How you doing in there, sweetheart?” he smiles, snapping you out of your thoughts as he leans in the doorway already dressed in his warm sweatpants and white t-shirt.

“This feels so fucking good. You have no idea.”

“I don’t mean to rush you, baby. But the pizza’s all heated up. You need to eat too.”

“I know, I’m just so tired to move.”

“Yeah? Do you want me to help?” he asks genuinely worried. “I can dry you off and-and, you know…p-put it in you?”

You follow his hands as he reaches for the open box of tampon and takes one out to study it curiously.

“How the hell do you get this inside though?” he asks frowning confusedly as he lifts the box to read the instructions.

“Where’s the applicator? Wait, was I supposed to buy that too? Does that come separately?”

Despite his eagerness to help, you can tell he’s slightly nervous of the idea of putting a tampon in you. The instruction and the product alone have him so baffled.

Your laughs echo through the bathroom as he blushes and chuckles along shyly.

“I’m just saying, I ain’t scared of a little blood.”

“Thanks, babe. But I got it under control.”

[ssreeder]

ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod it’s HAPPENING this is NOT a DRILL

anyways I’m in bed hacking up a lung and delirious on cough medicine, so this leekie reaction episode is brought to you by Rikodien, our sponser for this evening :D

saw the chapter title and instantly began mentally rubbing my hands together like a greedy little gremlin I’m so EXCITED

oh shit not the suicidal sokka era… man pls just *kachow* back together like an overstretched elastic band bc codependency is wayyyy better than this shit come on dude

okay but like… sokka taking on zuko characteristics due to zuko being out of commission was Not what I expected, and yet I cannot say it’s entirely surprising

“I’m fine” GIRL YOU ARE LITERALLY IN THE MIDST OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

“Sokka wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone” AANG. AANG. PLS I KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE THE GOOD IN OTHERS AND THAT YOURE A PACIFIST BUT. A A N G.

toph my bestie, the loml, an actual angel, yes INDEED why DOES sokka want to murder quon surely there’s a REASON

uh-oh.

not the zuko situation… rasu baby pls hold strong I Cannot have you being captured

aang. it’s times like these where I have to take deep breaths and remember you are 12 years old bc otherwise I will SCREAM

actually side note, but I would be really interested to hear 1. your feelings on iroh 2. your feelings on iroh IN THIS FIC, bc I personally am not a huge iroh fan for a multitude of reasons (sorry not sorry) so I wanna know how I’m supposed to read him in this universe (also just love hearing your thoughts and opinions but also no I don’t we’re divorced shut up)

thank GOD general how has some brain cells fr

suki is the real mvp of this chapter, she has the patience of the saint I honestly could never. FINALLY THE TRUTH YAYYYYY IM OH SO HAPPY TO HEAR SOKKA FINALLY TELL THE TRUTH

goddammit. why are they teenagers the emotions are just always so HIGH ugh I hate hormones. suki was doing so well ;-; (I don’t blame her or anything but DUDE COME ON)

aang and sokka friendship >>>>>

FUCKINF FINALY SOLKA IS GOONG TO ZUKEO OMGBG

ykw I’m just gonna leave those typos. I think they accurately convey my excitement.

sreedie. istg if pt 1 of the zukka reunion is sokka just WATCHING THROUGH A WINDOW IM GOING TO MURDER YOU

oh thank fuck he’s through the window. love you sreedie <3

not iroh just observing sokka go feral as a picture of absolute passivity lmao

okay I know this is a serious moment but I’m really enjoying the liab trivia night that sokka is hosting rn

I am actually,, extraordinarily pleased with how this chapter went. so uh.. no notes (ignore the several hundred words of notes above)

my heart was POUNDING and now I need to rest and recover. love ya sreeds <3

LEEKIE YOURE SICK?!?! (It’s been like almost two weeks so I hope you’re better) the audacity.

I think it’s hilarious how much of a reaction that title got heheeeee I’m funny.

Sokka spent 90% of RIA trying to get Zuko to stop doing what Sokka is spending 100% of ITF doing lol. It’s called progression damn it

Oh gosh my thoughts on Iroh? I don’t know where to start. I kind of want you to read Iroh how you want in this fic & see if you can figure out my feelings about the man from that? Hmmm? Call it… playing hard to get ;) ((just because we’re divorced doesn’t mean we can’t still play games))

Some people were mad at Suki for leaving after Sokka told her everything but seriously she is like what? 16??? Lied to & manipulated by someone she cared about & then told pfft there’s someone else. Nahhh girls allowed to have hurt feelings & she is allowed to want to bitch slap Sokka for that. (Just because Sokka is hurting doesn’t mean he gets to hurt others sorry buddddddyyy)

Hahaha Sokka did a really good job being there for Zuko but a terrible job keeping their closeness a secret haha: <3

LEEEEEKKKKKIIIEEEEE ok I don’t love you because you’re a lightbulb smashing ex wife but I do hope you’re feeling better & if now I’ll toss some soup through your window <3 (ok I still love you byyeeee)

[lalalovezfrenchfriez]

YES

I was that 13 year old.

really long Lala rant sorry:

I started taking birth control and I will fucking say it BIRTH CONTROL in MIDDLE SCHOOL, specifically around early 7th grade if I can remember right. I had period pain so agonizing I puked. My mother also made me fear someone would hurt me and get me pregnant as another reason to take it, so I did.

It was so weird because my friends besides someone who is now my bestie would judge me. Also believe I was having sex in lemme repeat MIDDLE SCHOOL where I was deemed so cringe they would try and hide the fact they were my friend at all. (Also if you also did start having def in middle school I hope you know you are also not judged by me and that I hope you were safe doing so, even if not you are loved here!!)

Point is was that as I entered high school still on the medication that made my anxiety skyrocket AND my acne i was in health class. I didn’t particularly want to hide the fact I was on it because why would I? I remember an incident where they explained it but said to “anonymously” say who took it. I didn’t give a shit. Perhaps others felt shy, which is alright but I didn’t. I hated taking the pill and wanted to share my personal experience.

Immediately the same reaction just as in high school. Girls got flustered, boys were confused and only my other best friend stood behind my back because I didn’t care. I wasn’t having sex then, and I explained the period. My teacher shut me down after that pretty quick.

Only when I got back on TO have sex I STILL was judged. There’s no middle ground. I didn’t care at that point and I still fucking don’t. It’s a pill that help(ed) people with periods, birth control, maintaining hormones, it’s just fucking nice. I personally don’t take it anymore because I was sick of the connotations and judgement, and the hormones. But that’s me. I hope other 13 year olds or those who were younger than me to know you aren’t alone and to not be scared. You’re going to be okay and this is unfortunately a journey that you have to make, but it’s going to be worthwhile for yourself. And it’s going to be a grand story to tell.

"People shouldn't post about how the contraceptive pill can be prescribed for non-contraceptive reasons because it's sex negative" feels like a take that can only come from people who don't realise just how young some people end up being prescribed the pill

Like, fine, you, person in your twenties, might be comfortable being like "this is the pill I take to fuck without getting pregnant", but I don't think it's sex negative for a thirteen-year-old who has been prescribed it for debilitating period pain to not want to have to hide their medication from their classmates on an overnight school trip because their classmates think that the only reason anyone would take it is that they're sexually active

[natashasvixen]

Chocolate biscuits 🍪

Summary: You are suffering on your period and your girlfriends and super solider friend look after you with the added help of chocolate.

Pairings: Wanda x Natasha x Fem!Reader, Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: Description of period pain, reader fainting, Wanda uses her magic, Bucky being a good bestie, so much fluff

Word count: 1.6k

Authors note: This is a complete self comfort fic I’m on my period and just want my girls to look after me, I wrote this super fast so I’m sorry for any mistakes! 💕🦊

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You groaned curling impossibly tighter into yourself on your bed, hot water bottle long since gone cold and your pain medicine wearing off but you couldn’t find the energy to go look for more.

Luckily your period had hit on your day off but unluckily both of your girlfriends were still working and training new recruits making your shared room in the compound feel even more cold and empty. You wanted nothing more than to beg them to come back to bed and cuddle with you to help the pain go away and you knew if you asked they would in a heartbeat but you didn’t want to be a bother, they are busy and it’s not their fault your body makes this monthly ritual more torturous than what most people experience. So here you are trying to get through it on your own but nothing seems to be working.

You remember Maria lecturing you about how getting up and moving is the best thing you can do so begrudgingly you pull yourself up out of bed to try walk around, you sway a little and your head feels fuzzy but you manage to steady yourself and pick up your phone from the nightstand to check the time, squinting your eyes at the sudden bright screen which only makes your head pound harder,

“Nearly three in the afternoon, yeah I guess I should maybe try eat something” you sigh to yourself knowing you are only making your lightheadedness worse but the thought of food has made your stomach turn all day. You slip on one of Natasha’s hoodies tugging the hood tightly over your head and the sleeves over your hands and begin to pad your way towards the compounds shared kitchen in search of anything to make you feel better.

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Bucky is stood in the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards no doubt looking for something to snack on before dinner, as he hears you entering he turns around, quickly hiding a packet of chocolate biscuits behind his back,

“God y/n you gave me a heart attack I thought you were Steve, you know how he gets about no snacks between meals” he scoffs.

You give a small chuckle back “wow thanks are my footsteps really that heavy”

“No offence tiny, but you look awful” Bucky said looking you up and down.

“Of first off I’m not that much shorter than you big guy, second off thanks for confirming I look as bad as I feel and finally I will hurt you” you say pointing a finger at him from the sleeves still covering your hands in the least threatening pose ever.

Bucky hold his hands up biscuits and all trying not to laugh “woah ok feisty pants, what’s gotten into you today”

You slump even further dropping your hand “I just don’t feel good Buck, girl problems and Nat and Wands are both working” you sigh curling your arms around yourself suddenly feeling the urge to cry, stupid hormones.

Bucky immediately drops the teasing knowing that this time of the month always hits you hard but you normally have your girlfriends to take care of you, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise” he holds out the packet of biscuits to you, “wanna eat biscuits and watch a movie?” He asks gently.

You break into a small smile at your friends attempt to help but before you can even think about responding you quickly bring your hand to your head and sway on the spot suddenly feeling incredibly sick.

“Y/n you ok?” he asks moving towards you and before you can answer your knees buckle, Bucky manages to catch you before you hit the ground dropping his biscuits in the process, “you’re ok I got you” he says watching worriedly as the colour drains from your face, you feel your friend gently hook an arm under your knees to lift you up and the last thing you hear before your vision completely blacks out is “Friday tell Natasha and Wanda to meet me at medical”.

───── ⋆⋅ ⴵ ᗢ ⋅⋆ ─────

Slowly you blinked open your eyes feeling the intense pain in your head that was there before everything went black.

“Friday, dim the lights please” you heard Wanda’s voice softly call out.

“Of course miss Maximoff” the A.I. responded, immediately the light in the room softened and you let out a quiet sigh of relief gently opening your eyes now that it didn’t hurt so much to do so, as you did you could see both of your favourite sets of green eyes gazing down at you.

“Hey sleepy head, how are you feeling?” Natasha whispered, softly cupping your face and stroking your cheek with her thumb.

“Tasha?” You mumbled groggily, “what happened?”

“You passed out detka (baby), Bucky took you to medical and Bruce checked you over, you’re ok you just need to take it easy” she said leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

Your eyes fluttered shut at the contact, slowly coming back to full consciousness you recognised that you were back in your shared bed, head in Wanda’s lap while she gently stroked through your hair with Natasha sat beside you now holding your hand.

“Why didn’t you tell us you weren’t feeling well sweetheart, we could have helped” Wanda said worriedly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to bother you” you said as you snuggled closer to her letting out a pained gasp as a bad cramp hit you after moving.

Natasha moved back a little “you think you can sit up and try take some medicine for me darling? It’ll make you feel better” she held out both of her hands for you, silently offering to help you up.

You took both of Natasha’s hands wincing as she helped you sit up, tears welled in your eyes as Wanda rubbed circles on your lower back, sniffling gently “it hurts Natty” you whimper as a few tears fell from your tired eyes.

“I know baby, I know, shhh come here” Natasha cooed taking your face into her hands and wiping away your tears with the pads of her thumbs as she rested her forehead against your own. “You’re ok baby, come on breathe with me” she said quietly keeping her forehead pressed to yours knowing that the pressure would help keep you grounded, as you continued to cry your breathing becoming more erratic as the tears fell.

You felt Wanda wrap her arms around you from behind gently slipping her hands under Nat’s hoodie to rest one on your hip rubbing slow circles with her thumb and the the other coming to hover above your stomach as she coaxed her magic to the surface and used it to ease some of the pain, it felt like the worlds best hot water bottle and massage all in one. As her crimson wisps of magic danced and curled she rested her head on your shoulder pressing a soft kiss just behind your ear, “its ok, we’ve got you angel” she whispered, letting her magic do its work.

Your shoulders dropped a little and your breathing started to even out as the tension and pain started to ease, you let yourself lean further back into the witch as she continued to work her literal magic while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

Natasha pulled her head back from yours slightly “good girl, there you go” she cooed as she wiped the last of your tears away seeing your eyes droop closed with relief she pressed a gentle kiss to your lips threading her fingers through your own and squeezing your hands.

“I think that’s better than any medicine, thank you my love” you whispered as Wanda slowly pulled her magic back and settled her hands on both of your hips still rubbing small circles, you blinked open your eyes and turned slightly leaning in to connect your lips to hers bringing one of your hands away from Nat’s to tuck Wanda’s hair behind her ear and cup her cheek.

“Anything for you y/n” she pulled back and pressed a kiss to your nose, each of your cheeks and finally the softest of kisses right between your eyes, Natasha watched both of you lovingly with a content smile on her face knowing your were feeling better.

Your sweet and quiet moment was interrupted by a soft knock at the door, you turned towards the door still holding Natasha’s hand as Wanda once again wrapped you up in a hug from behind and reached to take Natasha’s free hand into her own.

“Come in” you called out relaxing further into both of your girlfriends embrace tiredly.

Bucky popped his head round the door, “hey tiny, I wanted to check how you were doing” he asked smiling at the soft scene he saw before him.

“I could still hurt you big guy” you threatened making both of your girlfriends chuckle, “just not right now” you sighed contentedly leaning further back as Wanda pecked your cheek.

“Thank you for catching me Buck” you said pausing as you sat up slightly and your eyes widened with realisation, “oh no I made you drop your biscuits didn’t I?” You gasped. “I’m so sorry!”

Bucky laughed quietly, “it’s ok tiny you’re more important and anyway I used the smashed biscuits to make a chocolate cheesecake and I told everyone no one is allowed any until you feel better and try it first” he smiled at you.

Your eyes light up at the sound of chocolate, finally not feeling so sick sugar sounded like exactly what you needed, “well what are we waiting for!?” You exclaimed making your girlfriends and your friend all burst out laughing, sure your period might suck but you had the best people to look after you through it.

[sapiowoman28]

I can, I can't : Part 1 of 3

Pairing: Jaemin x female reader

Gener: best friends to lovers au, smut, fluff

Warning: mentions of sex, masturbation (Female)

Summary: Jaemin and Y/N are part of a group of best friends. One day, things change.....

They called themselves the dropouts. Brought up in good Catholic families, active within the Church community as kids, Catholic school education... the works. They then grew up and stopped going.

It wasn't some group thing were everyone agreed to stop going altogether at the same time. It was more like, one by one, they stopped going.

Jeno was the first to stop, at 15, after his parents got divorced. He became angry and withdrawn. By 16 he was mixing with the wrong crowd - think underaged drinking, partying, It was only after a close brush with the law that he - literally and figuratively - sobered up and decided to focus on healthier pursuits like education and sports. Thankfully too, the old Jeno that everyone knew and love came back.

Then were was Renjun. Renjun was always the one who wasn't really into religion anyway. He was more apt to believing in aliens and ghosts. His mother kept him going for as long as she could. By 18 he was out.

Haechan, as he got older, became a sporadic goer. After moving out on his own to live with the guys and Y/N in an apartment closer to campus, he stopped too.

Y/N? The older she grew, the more she learnt about the importance of gender equality. The more she embraced feminism, the more she found some church teachings hard to swallow.

All was left, of course, was Jaemin. Now Jaemin, he was still a "good boy", faithfully going to Church every Sunday. It wasn't that he was extremely religious. It was more that he had gone to Church every single week all his life. To not go one week felt odd and different.

The good thing was, nobody made fun of him or tried to stop him from going. Jeno even woke him up on Sunday mornings before he went for his 10km runs just so Jaemin would get to mass on time. (Mass is what Catholics call a church service.)

Y/N enjoyed hanging out with her friends. She was like one of the boys. It had always been like that since they were young. Everyone who knew Y/N knew she was not to be messed with. Not only was she capable of kicking anyone's balls, she also had four bros who would come after their ass too. In fact, guys who were interested in dating her would often try to get in good standing with the four guys so life would be easier for them. So it was hardly surprising that Y/N had never had her heart broken.

The problem was, Y/N was the one breaking hearts. Commitment wasn't her strongest suit, and more often than not she'd break off with whoever she was seeing with very trivial reasons, First she was dating Xiaojun. Then 7 months later she broke it off with him because apparently he "sucked at making out". The truth was, Xiaojun was good enough in bed but Y/N wanted to date the more exciting Yang Yang after meeting him at a frat party her gal friends dragged her to and making out with him. So Yang Yang it was. For a while she was happy. But then 10 months passed and Yang Yang was history. Now it seemed, was some guy called Lucas.

"Now, before you guys misunderstand, Lucas is not my boyfriend." Y/N declared over a pizza with Jaemin one Saturday night. "He's just... a friend..."

Jaemin raised his eyebrow. "You mean a friend with benefits? Cos based on what we have to hear every single Friday night, none of us think you guys are friends. Speaking of which.... Jeno wants me to talk to you."

"Let me guess, you lost rock paper scissors. Again. And that's why you're the one speaking to me."

"Well, we have house rules to follow..." Jaemin started, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

"Jeno and his stupid house rules." Y/N sighed. "What now? I can't bring Lucas home?"

"It's getting kind of weird for all of us...."

"You guys bring girls home all the time!" Y/N protested.

"I don't." Jaemin said. It was true.

"Jeno does. Haechan does. Even Renjun! Remember that weird Yoga chick he was seeing?"

"But they're not loud. Lucas sounds like he has a loudhailer in his throat and it's weird hearing him......we end up having to use headphones."

"I've tried asking him to tone it down. But he gets too excited when I blow him..." Y/N grinned as Jaemin covered his ears with his hands, not wanting to hear the details.

"Look, Jeno says he appreciates that YOU have gotten less loud since that time you were dating Yang Yang. But Lucas he's just.... too expressive. Can't you do it at his house or something? It's not the moaning as much as the dirty talk, you know?" Jaemin's voice was getting tinier and tinier.

"If Jeno has a problem, why can't he tell me himself?" I know it's not Haechan or Renjun who are complaining. Haechan's always gaming with his stupid headphones on and Renjun's always listening to music on his noise cancelling ones."

Jaemin sighed. "Don't put me in a tough spot, Y/N..."

He looked at her with puppy dog eyes.

"Fine. I'll speak to Lucas. But I'm only doing it cos of you, cos you good Catholic boy and virgin and all."

Jaemin rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Y/N, I'm not a virgin!"

Lucas took the news surprisingly well and he was happy to have her hang at his apartment instead. Which turned out to be a better thing, since his apartment was bigger and his housemates were never around. Y/N wondered why she insisted on making out at her apartment to begin with.

"I'm surprised Jeno was the one with the problem.." Lucas said after they had made out and she was snuggling in his arms.

"He has all these rules. The worst part is he makes Jaemin speak to me instead of telling me directly."

"It makes sense. You and Jaemin are close."

"I'm close to all four of them."

"No no no." Lucas said, "Each of them has a different thing with you."

"Explain, Mr Wong." she said, looking up at him.

"I think Jeno knows both of you have strong characters so he has Jaemin speak to you instead when there's an issue so you guys won't argue. He prefers to keep things light, so the most you're gonna get is Jeno making fun of you for having a thing for foriegn men."

"What about Haechan?"

"Haechan's your gaming bestie. You talk about gaming, and game together. But he'd kick the ass of anyone who gives you trouble."

"I think I'm least close to Renjun."

"I don't think it's that. It's more Renjun is kind of in his own world. He's like that with everyone. But he feels close to you guys."

Y/N was impressed.

"What about Jaemin?"

"Jaemin's like your total opposite. But you guys get each other. I like him. He's a good guy."

"Yeah he's a virgin." Y/N joked.

"He's a good looking guy! Heck, if I was a chick I'd go after him man!" Lucas said, his eyes expressive as always.

"Well, he's a good guy. I've never seen him bring a girl home."

"Come on man, when it comes to hormones, even good guys turn bad."

Lucas was driving her home when she got a call from Jaemin.

"Wassup?"

"Are you alone?" Jaemin asked. He sounded strange. "I need help."

"Are you ok?" Y/N asked. "I'm with Lucas. Where are you?"

"Oh. I'll call someone else..."

"Don't be an idiot, Jaemin. Where are you?"

"Hospital." he said. "Can you come? Just don't tell anyone anything. Not even Lucas."

She found him in a bad state at the hospital. Sitting in a daze, blood stains on his crumpled shirt. Y/N had never seen Jaemin look so small.

"Hey" she half whispered. He looked up.

"I can go now. I got an x-ray done. My nose is not broken. And it's finally stopped bleeding." he said. "I already collected my medicines. Mostly painkillers."

"What happened?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said.

"Let's get home and get you out of these bloody clothes. And then you can tell me after you've had a good night's sleep."

"Can i sleep in your room tonight?" he asked. It was an unsual request. "I'm feeling quite shaken."

"Yeah. Sure. Let's do that."

It was 2am and he still couldn't sleep. She could feel him toss and turn next to her.

"Jae."

"Sorry."

"No, I can't sleep either."

He sat up.

"I need to get my ID card back. Can you follow me tomorrow?"

"Your ID card?"

"I was fooling around with a first year chick in her house. Her parents came back and caught us. Her dad took my ID away, said he was going to lodge a police report against me for tresspassing his house and taking advantage of his daughter. Well, that's after he beat me up."

Y/N sat up. This was interesting, she thought.

"She's 18?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"18 is legal you dumbass." she slapped her forehead.

"I thought it was 21.."

Y/N groaned. "I can't believe you're so stupid."

"But the trespassing thing?"

"They don't have a case Jae. I'm sure you can prove you were invited there. Even if she lies and said she didn't invite you. They can't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt."

"I'm so glad you're studying law."

"And Jaemin?"

"What?"

"It's illegal for him to detain your ID. YOU can report him."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"Can you go sleep now that you know you're not actually in trouble?"

"Yes. Thanks Y/N." he said, turning to face the opposite side.

But Y/N couldn't sleep. Her mind was running a million miles a minute. Jaemin made out with someone. What was he like when making out? Was he gentle? Was he sweet like he always was to everyone? Was he a dom or sub? What did he do with the girl? Did he have fun?

Her own thoughts made her sick. Feeling a stir in her stomach made her sick. This was her best friend she was thinking of. She had to stop. Maybe she needed a shower.

Taking a towel with her to the bathroom, she shut the door, stripping quickly and getting under the hot jets of water. Damn it, Y/N, she scolded herself. Not Na Jaemin. What happened to your thing for Chinese guys?

She soaped herself trying to escape the mental picture of Jaemin, between the girl's thighs, lapping on her clit mercilessly, his eyes twinkling like they would whenever Jeno or Haechan said something witty. Suddenly, she was thinking of him between her legs, lapping at her core.

She brought her fingers to her clit, rubbing them from side to side. She leaned against the bathroom wall, moving more aggressively. She was wet. Biting her lip she pushed two fingers into her pussy, thrusting them in and out, the sound of the shower masking the wet noises as her fingers moved.

The muscles in her stomach were tightening. She could no longer hold back, thinking of Jaemin thrusting into her, looking at her with an intense gaze. She wanted him bad.

Slowly she came undone, as she moaned into her hands while cumming.

Suddenly, someone was knocking aggressively on the bathroom door. Y/N froze.

"I need to pee!" Haechan shrieked. "Hurry! I need to go back to my game!"

"Give me 2 minutes I'll be done." Y/N said, drying herself with her towel and getting dressed, mind still dazed from thinking about Jaemin. She knew their friendship was never going to be the same ever again.

She was just wondering how easy or hard it was going to be, to get Jaemin to join her on the other side.

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[kerenitychan]

ok so, this one comes with headcanons, first off. i dunno why but i really felt like teen pat would probably have an edgy emo/punk/goth phase because, ya know, hormones and school is hard and people bully me and my best friend but I'M the one who gets in trouble when i punch them in the face, the fuck man? I feel like patrick prolly has been trough some shit , like the boy may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he has feelings, like i remember the episode where his parents came over and while, ya know he did in fact not recognize his own goddamn parents, he did seem to have a lot of emotional trauma and stress about being considered stupid I think sponge naturally has black hair but once he graduates he starts bleaching it, mom and dad wouldn't let him before that and unlike rebellious patrick, who's also sick and tired of his parents for always underestimating him., sponge is a good boi and usually  listens to his parents. I did not intend for him to look like a snowwhite genderbent but that kinda happened. kay onwards to the actual relationship bits sponge and pat have known eachother since forever and they fucking love eachother  but platonically, of course when people keep saying you're " hah gaaaaaaaaaay!" and you start to notice you ARE closer then a lot of other friends  it doesn't seem to far fetched that, huh well they didn't think about it like that maybe they ARE dating? so they try it, it probably lasts like a year or 3 before they're like, nah they're not feeling it they're just besties, the whole experience did strenghten their bond tough and they've become even more inseperable since. also i drew it all lightheartedly but i feel like it would definitely be a rough and confusing time for them both. Timeskip and sponge meets Sandy J Cheeks, and the boi is crushing hard, she's strong, smart, confident,  pretty and funny and he attempts to woo her. I'm not quite sure where I stand on Sandy yet but depending on if I decide that she's a lesbian or not (i need to see more episodes with her honestly) they either dated for a little while before realising they're really better of as friends, or sandy tries to gently break it to sponge that she's just, not interested in guys in general once she catches on that he's trying to be more then friends. they probably have a bit of a rough patch where they don't really hang out for a while as sponge recovers from the rejection but they become friends again and honestly he's probably much happier now that they are just friends. the crush on sandy got him a little confused on where on the spectrum he falls tough, but one look at that handsome, graceful, adorable tall glass of water next door that the sponge had been crushing on years before he ever even got a job at the krusty krab, and he's pretty sure wherever he falls it does include at the very least 1 (one) man .

[lostinthereign]

May 23 2020

Day 25

Today was great! I spent some much needed time with my grandmother and since we live apart now it means even more to me when we get to see each other. The day started out beautifully as I talked and laughed with my little...I’m going to be bold and say future family. It felt like any other day as I was putting on my makeup, listening to the tiny humans and honestly just enjoying how easy the flow is between us. After begrudgingly saying goodbye I drove over to my aunts house where my family was.

So I’m over at my aunts house sitting down in this ridiculously hard wooden chair and when I shifted my posture in the chair it made me press my thighs together..annnnd that felt pretty nice..so I did it again...and again..and again..and then one more time for luck. Thankfully nobody noticed the flush in my cheeks or the heaviness of my breathing. A little TMI but eh. My blog. My rules. I could feel my panties sticking to me from the wetness pooling from me. I don’t know what hormones overtook me or my body but it was at that point I realized..I needed Him. So of course I freaking texted Him. Duh. However He wasn’t quite getting the message I was sending lol. He thought I was upset and looking back now I can’t believe how incredibly sweet and thoughtful that is. (Freaking love this man.) In His thoughtfulness His name popped up on my phone and I politely excused myself to go hide in the bathroom lol.

Seconds later His handsome face graced my screen and even in my horny daze I blushed from seeing Him. He was kind and probing trying to see what I was feeling and I’m not normally so..blunt? Or maybe that’s not the right word but when He asked me what kind of needy I was I kindly said “Needy like I want to grind myself on your knee and get off.” It wasn’t soft. Not cute. It was kinda demanding and kinda just primal really. Now. Listen. Haha. That’s woooo that’s normally not me. I stunned myself by my own answer and I could see the wheels spinning in His head as His face of caring turned into intrigued then playful cruelty. “And you want me to fix that?” I swear I could see Him enjoying me squirm. That sentence turned me on and made me mad at the same time. I gave Him this look of Well Duh and Pretty Please combined.

And fix it He did. In seconds He had me clutching the counter for support as I desperately tried to keep quiet by biting my lips. Eventually I caved and didn’t care anymore and I could hear myself gasping and moaning. I don’t know if He could tell the state I was in or what but He was merciful and 1. Allowed me to..ya know and 2. He didn’t tease me and make me beg for it. As soon as He gave that magical command I could feel my legs wanting to give out beneath me as they started to shake. He of course was grinning from ear to ear. I could see the pride in Himself just flowing out of Him and I loved it lol. We talked after as I stood in the bathroom trying to get myself back together and then once more I reluctantly hung up the phone.

Exciting the bathroom my brother looked up from his phone and stopped me. “Did you put on more highlighter?” Me rolling my eyes thinking he was going to be a typical brother. “No. Why?” Y’all. I kid you not. My brother straight up looked at me then shrugged. “I don’t know you’re just like more glowy” When I tell you the colossal amount of effort it took not to start laughing. Oh my god. I just gave him a small smile and a quick thanks. However. My best friend aka our sister was there. Let me preface this by saying she knows about well..all of this lol. She knows My Master/My Boyfriend are one and the same. Back to the story. She started laughing and I gave her a warning glare. “Uh that’s not why she’s glowing.” I turned to her saying her full legal name in my sweet but spiteful tone. “She’s glowing because she just-“ Before she could get anything else out I shifted my weight from my right to my left purposely knocking over her drink onto the carpet. Me being the somewhat petty person I am I alerted my aunt to the mess which in turn had my bestie/sister cleaning up her mess while getting an earful from two sets of parents, one grandmother, two siblings and the dog. It was a beautiful moment. Afterwards she was quiet the rest of the evening.

After leaving my aunts me and my grandmother went and did a little light shopping before I took her home and of course she bought me little gifts because she loves to spoil me when she can lol. Then I went home.

Where I am now thinking I maybe have taken too much sudafed and that’s unfortunate. I’m so tired of being sick. I even went and bought three more things of orange juice today and I freaking hate the stuff..kinda..well it’s starting to grow on me lol. Anyways I’m waiting on Him to call me and start our movie!!! I’m excited about tonight!! And today was a totally great day!!

-Sunflowersandrabbitholes

[trulymadlysydney]

ALSO… i can say that after spending like $1000s on skincare trying to find different products to clear my hormonal acne….. my skin did not get better until i found a dermatologist willing to work with me and my needs. it absolutely sucks bc it’s not accessible to everyone but a good skincare routine only does so much you know? i have a good relationship with my derm but it took a few tries to find someone who was willing to offer new suggestions besides just putting me on antibiotics or accutane. ALSO WEARING SUNSCREEN EVERY DAY IS SOOOOO IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!! i fucking HATE sunscreen with a burning passion bc the smell makes me sick but the hero cosmetics force shield sunscreen is AMAZING and you can find it at target! anyways sorry rant over i’m a skincare snob delete this if you want ily bestie!

Sighhh I’ve also been thinking about trying to find a dermatologist DHSKDHD it’s just so hard because I had such good skin my entire life and now as an adult I feel like I have teenager level acne which is like ??? Why NOW???

But seriously thank you so much for the advice ilysm 🥺💜

[marychronicles]

My Breastfeeding Journey

If you’ve read “Chanel no. 1” on this blog (my about me page) you’d know that I’m a breastfeeding mum to a beautiful & healthy baby bombshell, Samantha. Well, I never thought I’d write my own experience this year because I wasn’t able to write my birthing story, so it’s kind of a surprise that I am actually writing about this journey and not the birthing story. But anyway, I know most of you are younger than me; maybe some are 10 years younger haha but you know, it’s not a bad idea to share this right? Who knows, some of you might have tips & tricks from this entry... 😉

My Instagram feed is filled of milky posts this year, most of them have like, long ass captions. Even though I fully know that nobody would bother to read them, for me, I just really wanted to share my experience about breastfeeding. So let me take you to that time when I was about 3 months pregnant, well, I got pregnant last year; 2016 was such a big year for most famous women I know and for a few friends of mine cos we all got pregnant at the same time & year. I’ve been at the end of my first trimester, which was a relief because I dealt with so much pregnancy issues like: morning sickness (the worst part for me, yikes!! It even last up until the evening) & the never ending back pains. Now, I fully know that after giving birth, I have to breastfeed my baby girl. I remembered my husband asking me, “are you going to breastfeed?” and my answer was, “hmmm I don’t think so cos my boobs will look ugly & saggy!” Sorry but that was really selfish yeah? I know. But come my 8th month of pregnancy, I’ve experienced having this sensation on my breasts that I couldn’t explain, there were nights that my nipple was super itchy and all that stuff. That’s when I knew that my body was getting ready for my milk production. When I gave birth, an hour and a half later, I was surprised to be breastfeeding my first born on her first night. The midwife told me that it was amazing because my milk started to come in on the first night.

So it went, I breastfed & pumped even if I’m sleep deprived, my nipples & boobs were sore from all the latching, I was so inspired by my fellow breastfeeding mommies anyway, I even joined a group exclusively for nursing mums on Facebook & I must say that their tips were very helpful especially during the time that I needed to increase my milk supply. I worried so much because I don’t know if I’m producing enough for my baby.

My journey wasn’t rainbows & unicorns, babies, I had a pretty goddamn ups & downs too. I’ve tried so many lactation aids known to every nursing mums, like, “moringga” or “malunggay” capsules, fenugreek capsules, lactation teas, milo, malunggay hot chocolate, oats, oatmeal cookies and the list goes on. Fortunately, I have a very decent milk supply after taking all those stuff. I’ve burned through 2 Medela electric breastpumps, 1 Spectra pump & an unbranded electric pump. Been up almost every night just to pump & for night feedings. But I couldn’t complain because I know I’m providing the best milk there is. As I end my breastfeeding & pumping journey, I’m only using my first pump, which is a manual pump. It’s been my bestie ever since. I wouldn’t know how my breastfeeding would look like if I don’t have it.

It’s been so hard on my half because this whole journey had been one of the many things that I really am proud of. Like, you know, can you do something consistently for 13 months? Well I did, it’s something to bragged about cos not everyone could do this. I’ve been blessed with my milk supply to keep up all the way through. I’m so emotional to be honest, I just thought that writing about this would make me feel lighter, well kind of but not entirely. Right now, I feel like something has been taken away from me in just a snap. I should feel over the rainbow happy cos I will be able to wear whatever the hell I want without my conscience telling me, “you can’t wear that cos you have to breastfeed remember??” or that I will be able to sleep on my tummy after a year, well those are the many things that I should be happy about but really, I’m sad. Even though some of my friends had told me that I really did a great job on breastfeeding my girl for 13 months, there’s always the sad part because on top of all of this I wanted to breastfeed & pump for 2 years. Well I may have not hit my breastfeeding goal, but I did reach the one year mark. I think that’s amazing. I really am so proud of myself, for being selfless & for doing the best I can for my daughter. Motherhood isn’t just about breastfeeding right? I feel a little blue about ending this beautiful journey but I think it’s the hormones kicking in & stressing me out. Haha! Ugh. I will miss everything about it. I can’t hardly believe that I’m free from the 3AM feedings or that I will be able to drink my favorite beer now.

I hope some of you have learned something from this entry. Nothing’s ever easy, but in the end, it’s all worth it. Everything that I’ve done for 13 months of breastfeeding, is worth more than a million. ✨

[dokkaebiking]

Caped Update

For being Friday the 13th, I just had one of the best nights ever? Firstly, I’m safely nestled against the bosom of California, where I think I’ll stay forever because already my life has significantly improved. Second, I’m unpacked, my cats are healthy and content in their new home, and even though I only got three hours of sleep prior, I had my first day of training today at my new job and found out that, not only do I know the system since I’ve used it before, my new workplace is HELLA CHILL. BLESS. Worked all the way until 1pm and settled my training schedule until I begin to work solo. But the fun doesn’t stop there!

After I got home I chilled on Facebook for awhile, striking up a conversation with the first FTM friend I ever made waaaaaaaay back before I ever left California the first time, and not only did we catch up, he was super informative on clinics to go to, prices of hormones, specific doctors to see as he sees them too, and transgender help groups in the area. Aside from the major surgeries that’ll cost me a black market sell of at least one kidney and maybe my soul, everything else seems to be so easy to begin! California doesn’t even require Gender Therapy to have a complete stranger determine whether I’m kidding myself or not *stares into the camera and sighs*, so after a consultation and a check-up or two to determine doses, how it’ll work with my system, etc., it’ll just be a matter of getting a prescription and starting T! I’m blown away by how simple that part is, which makes the really pricey/difficult stuff not seem so bad anymore with the starting line so much easier to cross than I thought. And the amount of support I’m getting from my Trans buds on FB is helping me so much, I’m so thankful.

But anyway, then my roommate/bestie/ex-boyfriend/platonic soulmate came home and we picked up another one of our besites, then went out for Korean BBQ~! It was an hour wait for our party, so we hit up the Korean mall right next door, loaded up on snacks like strawberry and dark chocolate Kit-Kats (they’re incredible, btw), dropped them off at the car, then chilled outside the restaurant and played the UFO Catcher (Claw Machine) while we killed time and waited. I watched Robert and Steve (the besties) play about ten rounds each trying INCREDIBLY HARD to get a Plusheen plush that was holding a doughnut, and managed to wiggle it practically free and right next to the hole, but just could NOT get it to move from there. We’d even gotten a tiny crowd interested in our endeavors by now, it was funny.

But then shit got real.

Because Steve turns to me and says it’s my turn, and Robert puts two dollars in my hands for two attempts, and without an ounce of expectation I put the one dollar in, line up the claw, and let it drop. Plusheen’s kinda fat, so the claw just dug down into its sides, and before it even started to raise I gave up and turned around to make a face at Robert and Steve. Only, before I even make eye contact with either of them they both shout, and so does our little crowd, and I spin back around in surprise only to see that the claw GOT PLUSHEEN BY THE DOUGHNUT AND CARRIED IT TO SALVATION RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES. One try, and I do the thing that these two nerds had been trying to do the entire time. Ourselves and the crowd went fucking NUTS, it was great, and Steve took this unflattering (ain’t even mad, bruh, it’s not his fault I’m in no way photogenic) but memorable photo of me to immortalize this triumph of fucking luck:

(Like seriously, why does my face suck, is that supposed to be a kawaii blue steel? WTF? And when did I get a sausage for a hand? The rest I’m okay with but really, Tav, learn how to human better please, for all our sake’s.)

Shortly after we get to go in and get seated, and not only does Steve trade me a Rowlet so I have both Litten and it, since I really wanted both (oh yeah, and he gave me his old 3DS which is actually really well taken care of, and a copy of Pokemon Moon for no reason other than being the best dude ever? I can finally play this awesome game ;A; Can you believe this amazing nerd, I love him so much~♥ That’s also why my hoodie pouch, in the pic, is bulging like that—my 3DS is inside) but the spicy chicken I grill for myself is so delicious I almost cried. We laughed, we had fun, and now that I’m home and happy~♥♥♥ I gave Erica, the other bestie/roommate/platonic soul mate, the Plusheen since she’s sick as a dog and it made her smile.

VERY good day~!

[shesstillsearching]

Peru...

So we headed out and after a couple of layovers & we had picked up Rox & landed in Cusco. We had a few days there, we used this time to explore, learn about the Incas & try some of the local delicacies. Lots of fun!

Then it was on the bus to see the country side, go on a "sample" hike for what we are about to do, explore a local market, try some guinea pig & some local beer at a local tavern. Then it was our last night in a hotel in a sweet small town.

The next morning was early & very busy. We were off on our 4 day hike of the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. I would have rather not been 6 months pregnant, when taking on this feet but I was determined to do it. After getting through the first check point, we were off on the trail. The first day was mostly flat & sceanic as hell. We stopped at a small house in the trail & walk through to the back of it. Here it opened up to see where we were headed, the original trail to Machu Picchu that the train now follows partly & where we officially started our journey. Here we held up three cocoa leaves & asked the inca gods to watch over us during our journey & we made a wish to dedicate our journey too. Mine was to the little baby I was carrying with me. That he would be born happy & healthy and know nothing but love & encouragement through out his life. We were then to carry these three leave with us through out the journey. For the last hour or so of the day we start our long journey upward. This was some of the steepest climbing I had ever done & it was all on dirt trails. Slow & steady with a little help from KE, helped me make it to our first campsite on the trail. I was extreamly greatful for KE this day. Greatful he was there & happy we were doing this together. The tents were small but perfect for the two of us. I had sore feet & mucles but I was already proud of myself for going through with the hike. The food was fantastic on the trail & the crew was amazing. We had a long day but couldn't wait for our next day on the trail.

Unfortunately KE was up most the night getting sick or in the washroom. He looked terrible come morning & could even think about eatting breakfast. He was weak but determined to keep going. Sending the girls ahead I waited for him to be ready & we started our day, straight up on the dirt path to the second check point. However KE took over 45 mins to get there & was looking worse. Once the guide & KE got to the check point the guide told us he had two options; keep going if he thought he could or head back down. The guide then gave hime electrolyte water to try & rehydrate him & asked what he wanted to do. As KE opened his mouth to answer him, he turn his head & through up the water. The guide made the call then that he was not to continue & he would be turning back. By this time I was the only one from the group still there which meant I would have to start walking & do most of the day on my own as everyone else had left 45 mins ahead of me. I separated things to ensure we both had what we needed, me on the trail & him back in town. We then said goodbye, with tears in both our eye as I started to walk & he waited for a guide to head back down with him.

As I took those first steps from the second check point I couldn't help but let the tears fall. I was now doing this alone, 6 months pregnant & alone. I didn't realize how much having him with me on this trek was important to me, until he was next to me anymore. The trail from the check point was all straight up with large stone steps for hours on end & weaved its way up into the mountains. I didnt see anyone for the first few hours of the day. This gave me time to let my mind run. Thinking of all the things I forgot to get from him or give him. Thinking that if something went wrong & I hurt the baby it was now all my fault. Thinking that I should have gone back with him, even though he told me to keep going because it was important to me. That I was alone, pregnant & making all the wrong decisions. As my mind ran & the tears fell, my feet continued to move forward, slow & steady. As I approached a small indent in the trail where you go from one mountain to the next (& I was hitting my lowest moment & feeling I had let someone I love down) I looked up & there through a space in the trees, standing in a grassy knoll, near no civilization was a hours. He look right at me & stopped moving his tail. This moment gave me life. It felt like my dad saying this is where you're suppose to be & you are going to make it. Keep going! So I did. It was a long slow day. My body wanted to sleep in ways I will never experience again. However, I just kept going. Kept my feet moving & reminding myself I could do it. When I finally made it to the Pass, I was exhausted & extreamly proud of myself. The girls had waited here for me & said I was not even 10 mins behind them. The next point was heading down through just as steep & big stones for 45 mins. I started this part with the girls & got to the camp about 10 mins behind them. I was soarer then I could explain. I needed a nap, washroom, to brush my teeth & to just curl up & hide. Dinner was very good again & right after all I wanted was bed. The next day I did great for the first half. While first thing in the morning I had a hormone moment & was crying for no reason but after that I kept up with everyone for the first half of the day & didn't start waddling until after lunch (which was interrupted by wild lamas). By the time we got to the last camp site I never wanted to see stone steps again but I knew it was just over 12 hours & I would be reaching my goal, where KE would be waiting for me. I was almost there!

But that night KE's bug suddenly hit me. I had stuff coming out both ends & I couldnt keep water down. We had to be up for 3am but I'd been up since 1am & was it extreamly rough shape. At the final check point I could hardly stand. But I went. The bestie stuck with me, stopping when I had to be sick & helping me when need be. I made it to the Sunshine Gate & looked down on my destination, excited to see KE & knowing I had pushed myself to the brink. I walked down into Machu Picchu & went looking for KE by the snack bar. When I saw him, I ran at him & hugged him so hard, while we both teared up. I had never been so greatful to see someone.

After exploring Machu Picchu we headed back down the mountain by Bus & KE told me about his few days of sickness & meeting up with us. (He ended up taking a horse back down whose name was Apache, which made him feel everything would be ok. It's funny how things like that happen.)

From there is was back to the Hotel where I slept & faught off the rest of the bug. The next morning I was feeling 100× better!

We were off to whitewater rafting & then back into Cusco. It was our last night, we had a final fancy dinner & went to a disco to dance & say goodbye.

The next morning was getting a few last minute souvenirs & off to the airport. We had an 18 hour layover in Lima & decided we needed to do something with it! So we took an Uber & drove past the famous beaches, to a great little restaurant we really enjoyed. From there we Ubered to a Festival of Lights, which was absolutely beautiful. It turned out to be a great date night, before heading back to the airport for some sleep & our flight home.

It was one hell of a trip & I can't wait for the next one...

[harry1winter-blog]

For the Future

Genre: sci-fi, tragedy, MATURE (I've even mentioned it in capital letters -_-)

"Day 5, subject G20 has begun to realize the changes in own body. She shall be informed officially of the undergoing experiment after 12 hours. Due to hormonal imbalance, her vitals are being checked by the second." Professor Van stopped the recording and checked the data files once again.

"This is one quite sturdy, eh Van?" A woman croaked from behind. Her badge glowed with the name Katherine.

"Indeed. She was one of the best elites in Air Force. My decision of experimenting on her was accurately correct." Van fixed his square glasses and spoke with self importance.

"Heh. As always, your decisions have been correct." Katherine almost chuckled. "I have great expectations for G20.

The two scientists got down on their desks and dived into the data and analysis as usual. Meanwhile, on the East section.

"Beth... How are you doing now?" Kelly spoke as she tip-toed into Beth's room but found her wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

"Ah... is that you, Kelly? I am doing good." Beth smiled looking at the doorway. But Kelly was actually already near her by then.

".... Your vision has decreased further." Kelly concluded.

"Ah...it's alright. I still have my HS glasses" (Heat Vision)

".... You are always so optimistic. I wish I could be like you."

"Eh... Surely you can." Beth smiled feebly reaching her hand out in air, wanting to touch her friend. Kelly moved her head towards her hand so Beth could touch her face. "Always remember. There is definitely something good in the bigger picture. Small problems like mine, won't last forever."

"......" Kelly sighed. Beth had been sick for a week now. And she wasn't the only one. Many other crew members before her had fallen sick and moved to ICUs. Kelly was sure that Beth will be taken there too any time soon so she came to visit her.

"You seem so serious. Where is my bold and loud bestie from before? What did you do to her?" Beth asked with her eyes closed.

"Haha. She will return shortly. Do not be worried." Kelly smiled and patted her head. Upon which she opened her eyes and looked at her. Not that she could see anything but darkness.

"Kelly? Is it you? When did you come here?" Beth asked

".... Just now. How are doing, Beth?"

"Ah, I am... good." Beth's voice faded and she fell asleep again.

"......." Kelly leaned forth and kissed her forehead. Her eyes widened a bit as she saw the strange blue marks on Beth's neck. "It has spread this far." She murmured to herself and then got up to leave. The door slid open sensing her presence.

"K..Kelly? Is... that you?" Beth called from behind, having woken up from the door's sound.

"......." Kelly stepped out and the door shut behind her. She walked straight towards the washroom and leant against the mirror. She unzipped her body suit and stared at the blue marks on her body which had grown from her belly & made its way to her breasts now. "....." Kelly shook her head not believing herself. "This can't be happening. I have the same sickness now? The doctors definitely didn't announce that it was contagious. They must have known right?" She breathed heavily staring at her reflection and trying to convince herself. "Strange... I have not fallen weak like others though."

"Isn't that right? I told them those asteroids are like butter for our laser cannons." Kelly heard a loud voice at the door and quickly zipped up her suit. A group of 5 girls walked in.

"Oh, hey, Kelly. You were here?" a blue haired girl asked. "Why did you leave your station? You missed out all the fun just now."

"Ah, Ciara." Kelly nodded. "I had gotten called over at the infirmary so... What happened? That fun you talking about?"

"Ah right! Apparently we ran into an asteroid storm. I am telling you, the space is becoming unpredictable by each light year." Ciara spoke shaking her head.

"Yeah, one moment there was nothing on the radar; next moment we were in the middle of a storm with asteroid coming at us from all directions." Another girl spoke twirling her curly yellow hair with a frown.

"Ikr Meera?" Ciara spoke quickly trying to take back the spotlight. "Vice Captain was so tensed up, jumping on his toes, haha!" She chuckled. "But I told him I had it under control. Just a flick of a button and our laser cannons atomized the asteroids within a 100 Km. It was like a continuous shield ya know."

"Wasn't it the cannons that saved the day then? Why are you so boastful?" a white haired girl intervened.

"Hey, Keera! I am the one who..."

"Flicked a switch?" Keera intervened again. "Anybody could do that."

"In the right moment? It was my decision that saved us all." Ciara protested.

"Wasn't it the vice captain who ordered to use the cannons?"

"..........' Ciara flustered red in anger. "How dare you! Do not belittle me! Has Professor Van's words not reached you yet? Humans are better than machines!"

"But it was the machines that destroyed the asteroids."

"Why you old bitch!!"

"Calm down now." "Let's not fight okay?" the other two girls separated Ciara and Keera. And While Meera just stared at the fight confusingly, Kelly walked out of the washroom.

"Professor Van..." Kelly sighed. Professor Van was the top genius scientist aboard their spaceship. "Maybe he can help me." Kelly murmured and walked off.

--- ---- ----

"You're right. I can help you." Van fixed his glasses proudly. "You made the right decision of coming here. I admire the correct decision making people." He said taking her blood samples while Kelly zipped up her body suit.

"Your full body scan reports say you have the same problem like the other crew members. But...it's actually not a disease but a microbe."

"A microbe? It must be contagious of course!" Kelly concluded with a frown. "That's how I got this...probably from Beth. Professor! You can heal me from this right?"

Van took a seat and shuffled through the digital report files.

"Kelly.... The microbe wasn't exactly made to be dangerous." Van peered at her through his glasses. "It is actually the human body which is unable to contain it and starts self-destructing; unable to cope up with the changes it brings.

Kelly stared at him trying to grasp what he just said. "You said...Made? It is man made?"

"........" van got up his seat and picked up a paper weight in his palm. "Look at me Kelly." Van punched the paper weight with his other hand. "I am a man in his late 60s. But even if I were as young as you, or even twice or thrice stronger than a normal man, I could still not break this simple paper weight, right?"

"Ahuh" Kelly raised an eye brow. Van took out a small zapper gun from his lab coat's pocket and shot at the paper weight which immediately atomized.

"But machines can do this fairly easily."

"Aren't you the one who advocates human intelligence over machines?" Kelly asked.

"Yes, my point exactly." Van walked towards her. "Humans are better than machines. It's just that their true potentials were never uncovered before. Which is why, I made this microbe under a project issued by the government itself, of course."