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gaymer-hag-stan · 1 year ago

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Liverpool 2023 Eurovision Grand Final Thoughts

1. Austria 🇦🇹 - Teya & Salena - Who the Hell Is Edgar? - Ok, I knew they were gonna do worse than projected on the odds but I still thought they were better than in the Semi Final and that the televote would carry them a bit harder but it seems not. The fact that the jury hard carried them more than the public is outrageous tbh.

2. Portugal 🇵🇹 - Mimicat - Ai coração - Oof, not bottom five, come on! She was amazing but I guess the running order screwed her over a bit.

3. Switzerland 🇨🇭 - Remo Forrer - Watergun - Yeah about what I expected.

4. Poland 🇵🇱 - Blanka - Solo - Blanka coming EIGHTH on the televote was kind of a power move, I'm sorry. I guess crying about her too much on the internet and memeing her pronunciation of BEJBAH to hell and back worked wonders for her lmao.

5. Serbia 🇷🇸 - Luke Black - Samo mi se spava - Nooo Luke...! Overall yes, it wasn't as impactful as the semi final but I think Luke's act is "too much" for some people on first watch so maybe those who never watched the semis or any performances or listened to the song before the Final were taken aback by it. A pity.

6. France 🇫🇷 - La Zarra - Évidemment - Whooo girl... Listen, her staging was a MESS and I think that maybe her fearing for her life affected her vocals a bit. She was arguably much better than the semi final jury show but it seems it still wasn't enough. I wasn't as mesmerized by her as I hoped it would be. Song-wise, Évidemment is still among my favourites of the year but performance-wise it wasn't as show-stopping.

7. Cyprus 🇨🇾 - Andrew Lambrou - Break a Broken Heart - Okay, king and his gun show did it honestly. I feared he would get a lot more screwed over by Remo but he prevailed and I'm glad! He almost made tenth spot on the televoting, Albina and her Familja beat him by just one point, and on the juries he was behind Brunette by just one point too! Literally if our (Greece's) jury wasn't screwing around he would have made the final top ten! I don't understand the reasoning but this screams "we didn't make it so we're gonna screw over Cyprus too since they're not winning anyway" or that we tried to show Europe that we don't always give 12 points to Cyprus xD

8. Spain 🇪🇸 - Blanca Paloma - Eaea - Guys. Guys. Be very serious, what the hell happened here??? Yes, there was a very big chance the televoting woul not like her performance; this is a very unique and "out there" perfroamce which, like Luke's, possibly even more so, on first look can be unsettling, in a way. Ever since she won Benidorm, people across Europe were literally either ranking her in their top three favourites or their worst five of the entire year, out of all 37 entries! There was no middle ground with Eaea, I just hoped the ones who loved it would overpower those who didn't. But the juries??? What the hell??? She didn't miss a single note, she was ON POINT the entire time. Her performance was artistic and she definitely sang better than Loreen but, ESPECIALLY Noa! I know the juries punish any cultural elements but was the flamenco style so appalling to them??? This was the biggest crime of the year, honestly.

9. Sweden 🇸🇪 - Loreen - Tattoo - I don't wanna hear any complaints. Her song is radio friendly but it's not basic. We knew she was gonna win the juries, we knew it since day one, and we knew she was probably gonna win the whole thing, unless someone placed second on both the juries and the televoting and ended up overtaking both her and Käärijä but that didn't happen (it should have been Spain) so her win was guaranteed. She did sing better in the semi, and her staging I feel was not as interesting as Euphoria, but this is still very much a deserved win. Stop crying. She's the first woman to win the Contest twice and the second person ever, in general. Don't delude yourself into thinking no one will remember her or shit like that I keep seeing posted on this terminally online community, she is a legend. Go outside, breathe some fresh air and use your one (1) remaining brain cell for once.

10. Albania 🇦🇱 - Albina and Familja Kelmendi - Duje - The Albanian Kardashians coming TENTH on the televote was this year's biggest surprise! Yes, it was pretty close so, just as easily as they came 10th they could have just as easily come 15th if a few countries had given them one or two points less. But what matters is that the televoting resonated with a strong Balkan and ethnic sound and identity and I wish the rest of the Balkans like Greece or Serbia would maybe reconsider incorporating their own local flavour again. I don't care what language they sing in, someone should cut the "Don't sing in English" crowd's access to the internet, permanently, but in terms of overall sound and identity I wish to see more of it, from everyone, not just the Balkans.

11. Italy 🇮🇹 - Marco Mengoni - Due vite - I get the jury votes, he had possibly the best vocal performance last night, or at least among the best, but I was surprised by his televote score?? He got a LOT of points, all of the first seven acts on the televote ranking (Finland, Sweden, Norway, Israel, Italy & Croatia) did, it wasn't just that he happened to land on that spot because all the acts above him got all the points, like it is the case with the rest of the scoreboard below Croatia. A lot of people said Tattoo is Euphoria 2.0, but I think this is a lot more applicable in Marco's case. The song is literally the same as L'essenziale, and neither of these songs are particularly interesting so I don't see how he did as good as he did. And don't mistake this for me disliking his act, Marco did perform great and I do like the song but, for a TV show contest this was way too bland, sorry.

12. Estonia 🇪🇪 - Alika - Bridges - See here? This makes sense. Alika gave an amazing performance, she sounded even better than the semi, and she was exclusively carried by the juries, the public only gave her 22pts. Good for her, she deserved it though, again this is not me dismissing the sad slow acts but they are not as exciting for a TV show, and Eurovision is not The Voice, it is a TV show.

13. Finland 🇫🇮 - Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha - Käärijä got fan favourite, as he was expected to, but no this had no chances of winning. Ever. He still did overwhelmingly well, he got a 60% average overall score, which is great, and he will be forever be remebered as a legendary act. That is enough, that's what this particular performance was meant to achieve. You can all chill, or rather, you should all chill. The juries were even way too kind on him. Fourth with shaky vocals like that and an overall very unhinged song and performance, is much better than expected. I thought they were gonna go Moldova 2022 on him. But they didn't, but also, to be fair on him, his vocal performance was considerably better than the semi.

14. Czechia 🇨🇿 - Vesna - My Sister's Crown - YES girls! They made it to the top ten. I'm so happy for them.

15. Australia 🇦🇺 - Voyager - Promise - I don't know why this did as well as it did? I'm not mad, I'm just surprised, they apparently even won their semi final too! What's, again, very surprising, is that they got actually hard carried by the juries... The public only gave them 21 points. See why the juries are necessary my dear idiots? Supposed fan favourites Voyager got 130 points from the evil juries but only 21 from the public.

16. Belgium 🇧🇪 - Gustaph - Because of You - YES Gustaph, YES! So happy for him making the top ten. I liked his song since day one, but I only fell in love with his performance last night. Bravo king.

17. Armenia 🇦🇲 - Brunette - Future Lover - I think she did very well, They fixed the smoke effect too, her performance was pretty solid and she did okay.

18. Moldova 🇲🇩 - Pasha Parfeni - Soarele și luna - Okay, Pasha was actually screwed over by the juries placing him 20th, but while the public did place him 9th, he still only got 76 points. With Finland, Sweden, Norway, Ukraine, Israel, Italy and Croatia hogging all the televote points, literally no points were left for anyone else, so if the juries didn't love them they were practically doomed. And the juries likewise only cared about 7 acts so Pasha tanked.

19. Ukraine 🇺🇦 - TVORCHI - Heart of Steel - A very commendable performance and an overall good placing. I believe they made Ukrainians proud, Ukraine knows how to work a stage, whatever they try so it was expected. Plus, I think being the only song with R&B vibes last night might have helped.

20. Norway 🇳🇴 - Alessandra - Queen of Kings - Her vocals were still shaky and I still can't get out of my mind how much better she performed at UMK but she still did good and the public ate her up so I think this was also a very good placing.

21. Germany 🇩🇪 - Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter - Germany really can't get out of the depths of hell unless it's Lena or Michael Schulte huh? I did expect them to do worse than all the Big 5 but I thought they'd at least be mid to low table? Their performance was really good too, they deserved more

22. Lithuania 🇱🇹 - Monika Linkytė - Stay - YES! My girl got 11th! That's much better than i thought she would get and I'm so happy!

23. Israel 🇮🇱 - Noa Kirel - Unicorn - How the hell did Noa come third honestly xD Like, okay, I get the public points; even if the song was trash and the lyrics and unicorn hand gesture were a cringe fest, that dance break alone hard carried her but why the fuck did the juries got her 3rd place as well??? She was only singing good when stationary, the moment she started moving about she immediately went off key. How and why did the juries appreciate her vocal performance more than Italy's, Estonia's Spain's, Czechia's, Lithuania's, or Switzerland's who were all not once off-key during their performances??? This is genuinely puzzling and a huge inconsistency in the way the juries voted... Good for her anyway, I'm just still puzzled as to how she got such good scores from the juries, this makes no sense to me whatsoever.

24. Slovenia 🇸🇮 - Joker Out - Carpe Diem - Okay-ish boy band with an okay-ish performance did okay-ish. Nothing unexpected here.

25. Croatia 🇭🇷 - Let 3 - Mama ŠČ! - The public straight up ate them up! I'm so happy for them, because they still did good despite the juries', expected, butchering. This is how you do an anti-war song Switzerland!

26. United Kingdom 🇬🇧 - Mae Muller - I Wrote a Song - Whooo girl! Not second to last again! Her performance was not it, sure, but I still thought she miiiiight have done a teensy bit better.

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