#Mom Gets It On by Kathy Andrews

[jtl-fics]

Math Nerd AU

I’ve got quite a few time travel AFTG fics banging around in my head but by far the funniest one is this:

Neil dies in 40s to a drunk driver after a respectable professional Exy career, two olympic golds, a very successful and healthy relationship, a steady post-injury career as Ichirou Moriyama’s preferred accountant (kept himself squeaky clean) and years to get his shit together. He wakes up back early on into his runaway life with his mom and is immediately like “oh no I’m NOT doing this shit again.”

He makes a lot of changes, mostly for Andrew’s benefit but also gets Mary to the Hatfords, and gets himself set up in Ichirou’s confidence again because man he’s gonna play Exy again but Ichirou was actually a very solid boss if you’re competent and Neil is very good at managing finances.

Ichirou had plans for Neil. He’s waiting for his father to pass before he brings Neil fully out in the open as one of his since his father is still demanding that the Wesninski heir be given over to his brother and Ichirou is not about to let the only accountant who has ever gotten him a completely legal tax refund go to the NEST. He’s also not about to let the Butcher near Neil so he puts Neil off in the middle of nowhere with a steady paycheck and orders to graduate highschool. Neil picks Millport.

Hernandez still notices that no one ever comes to Neil’s games and that the kid is driven but doesn’t make any real attachments with his teammates despite Millport becoming the Arizona State Champs the year Neil leads the team. So he sends tapes to Wymack and Kevin. Neil is surprised to see them since he’d planned on never getting anywhere near Andrew after he set things up for the blond. (Killed Drake, paid some people to legally adopt and look after Andrew, got CPS to investigate Tilda properly, paid off the right people so that the couple who took in Andrew took in Aaron too, and paid for them to move out to SC (it’s close to the twins remaining family) and then Tilda managed to die on her own from an OD and the twins got the money without Andrew needing to have any part in it.)

Neil ends up signing for the Foxes despite Ichirou having plans for Neil to start attending University of Texas (Great Accounting Program) in the fall. Neil of course completely fails to tell Ichirou this since Ichirou hadn’t said anything beyond finishing highschool and if he had plans for Neil then he should have told him.

Neil, the utterly self-sufficient adult that he is, proceeds to just be the most bizarre stabilizing force the foxes have ever encountered. He knows all about their shit, their issues, their triggers, and how to help them. The Foxes all kind of crave that stability and Neil can take whatever they say unflinchingly. He’ll give as good as he gets but he also makes team breakfast pretty much every morning after he finishes his absurdly early run. Kevin is in heaven with his Striker pick (Neil in this thing is so incredibly boring and well-adjusted that Andrew just cannot believe that he’s a spy so Kevin and Neil start night practices almost immediately & Neil shows Kevin drills that he and Future!Kevin had made and Kevin is just like “I am so good at picking talent. I am a god.”)

The 3 things that make this so funny (at least to me) is:

1. All the Foxes just like not understanding why the hell Neil is a Fox (They’re glad he’s there but it feels like a clerical error that such a nice well-adjusted guy is on the team) until they see him without a shirt and until immediately after the Kathy Ferdinand show where Ichirou shows up and is like “Palmetto doesn’t even have a nationally ranked accounting program!? Also what if this sport gives you a TBI and you can’t do my taxes anymore????”

2. Andrew is just inexplicably and infuriatingly smitten, enamored, crushing, heart-eyes for this BORING ASS MATH NERD. Neil’s sense of humor was honed against Andrew so he’s got like a direct line to Andrew’s funny bone. He never has never once for even a second confused Aaron and Andrew (and they’re a lot closer in this fic because there’s no Tilda angst and the ‘parents’ handled getting Aaron’s rehabilitation handled off the books so he could have a future in medicine.) Even after the whole mob accountant reveal Andrew is seething because even with that Neil is just incredibly well-adjusted and normal despite all the insane shit going on with him. He propositions Neil when Neil mentions having a past male significant other but Neil has the AUDACITY to get all sad-eyed and say that he can’t be with Andrew because his heart still belongs to some CHUMP in his past. (Cue Current!Andrew having an unknowing bitter hatred / rivalry of Future!Andrew and swearing that he’ll woo Neil away from a guy who’s probably in the mob or shitty because Andrew hasn’t seen any evidence of Neil’s SO reaching out to him but he knows Neil isn’t lying)

3. One of the reasons that Andrew is inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted / smitten to Neil is that Future!Andrew did not really spend a lot of time in the future after Neil died and he’s slowly seeping through until Neil’s confrontation with his dad and then Future!Andrew fully wakes up and he’s PISSED because at least in the original timeline Andrew was inexplicably and infuriatingly attracted to the mysterious freshmen who was hiding his appearance, looked like he was seconds away from running across the country at all times, and had a whole aura of danger around him. Now he’s revealed that he’d have fallen for Neil no matter what because he fell for Neil when he was just a BORING ASS MATH NERD and WORST OF ALL Neil went and made him jealous of HIMSELF because Neil didn’t want to cheat on Andrew with ANDREW. What an asshole. He’s gotta kiss his entire face off and tell him that he’s never allowed to cross a street without Andrew again because if a drunk driver is going to take one of them out then it’s going to take BOTH of them out.

[allfortheslay25]

Neil physical description hc pt1: Hair

I don’t normally post things that aren’t art here but I got like human zoomies today

Here’s a rant about my hc for what Neil looks like/how I attempt to draw him (but my art style gets too lazy for the details most days)

For one, Neil’s hair.

Neil’s got fluffy and very wild hair. During tfc, he’s got it long so it’s in his eyes and because he hasn’t cut it since his mothers death, it’s grown out in the back too

like this but more messier (Neil can’t be bothered to brush it)

At one point I believe Allison gave him a trim because it was getting long enough to bug him (but he wouldn’t let her chop it all off)

So it doesn’t cover his nape anymore (so before Kathy’s show)

Then there’s evermore when they dye it back. I think Neil’s hair color comes off as brown because it’s like a bloody red color, very deep and dark so normally it doesn’t look red until he’s out in the sunlight or brighter lighting

Texture wise, knowing hair usually dies and fries when it’s been put through the ringer, you would assume I hc it to be crispy like bacon

But no, my step mom dyes her hair almost weekly and she’s got very healthy and almost soft hair so I’ve always pictured Neil to be the same (it gets healthier in the future tho)

For Neil’s haircut, I think Riko has this same haircut mentality for the perfect court so he cuts it almost militarily short (but Neil’s is messier because of the symbolism that he isn’t actually one of them and more of an imposter they’re trying to force)

Neil’s hair grows at a natural pace but I believe after Raven King it began to grow quick (symbolism to how Neil is growing into his honest self)

So it grew unevenly into a sort of mullet (closest drawing to how I pictured it just shorter bangs)

And once again Allison trimmed it but more for fashion and she didn’t completely chop it off like she wanted to either

Eventually Neil gets his hair cut by Allison for the last time before she graduates and she does him the favor of shaving it all off so it can grow back healthy

When it does grow back, its how I usually draw Neil’s hair

After he grows pro and gets his hair cut by Andrew, it starts looking like this (final hair cut)👇

[aalyre]

i think its brave to leave a cult. but I think it's even braver to stay to help a friend. it takes both tremendous loyalty and courage to do that.

I don't really see Neil being a coward at any point in the books tbh? Like I actually can't think of anything 😭 I know a lot of people cite him running from his father, but that was his mom's decision not his, when his mom is out of the picture he stops running basically instantly.

He goes to the Nest to protect Andrew knowing the consequences to himself. He says Andrew should go to rehab (forgot what the place was called) knowing it would mean he couldn't protect him while there. He willingly goes with his father's men so the others don't get hurt. Defends Kevin publicly on Kathy's show knowing it would draw attention to himself. etc, etc.

I also don't think reckless accurately describes Neil. If you wanna use definitions like you did before, because the definition is: "heedless of danger or the consequences of one's actions; rash or impetuous"

but we know Neil thinks through his actions. he always weighs the consequences in canon, acknowledges them, and decides to do the action anyway. by definition it doesn't fit.

also. not to be nitpicky cuz I don't mean it that way, but u got the wrong definition of brave. u got the one for the verb not the adjective, the adjective one is: "ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage"

which fits basically everything I listed of neil.

Hi! the definition i looked up was actually for the word coward, but thank you still!

and i agree with most of what you said, i personally don’t believe that neil is a coward, i actually think he’s very brave, which is why i used him as a comparison with kevin

i think for neil what i heard was mostly about him “running away." not about his father, but about what happens in the series until andrew tells him “this is the day you stop running” or smt like that

also i see what you mean but i feel like the definition you gave of reckless fits neil pretty well actually? (insulting riko and it leading to seth’s death, another thing he did i can’t remember and it leading to the ravens TRASHING fox towers, barging in the monsters’ room speaking in french -> giving this away for not much, going to evermore (danger for his own life), insulting riko when they won de final (again, danger on his own life)) like there are LOT of cases in which he thinks about his actions, mostly when it comes to keeping his identity secret ofc, but i wouldn’t say always at all

i feel like he WANTS to believe (hence making us believe(?)) that he always always thinks everything through (“fighting didn’t fit who he thought ‘Neil’ to be” or smt like that) but in the end he acts without caring about the consequences a bunch of times (not always at all i agree, maybe we could say that he isn’t reckless, but that he can definitely ACT reckless)

thank you for ur take!! wishing i a great day/evening/night!!

[freeworldallahmbaclass]

California followed suit with the fair chance act to compete for a job act of 2019 that me and Mayor Bill De Blasio put in to place if you know the story I got that from Michelle Alexander book the new Jim Crow of mass incarceration of the so called poorer people of America that law is suppose to help their chances of gaining employment and not facing discrimination in getting their housing apartments applications and a license to be a counselor , casac , security guards, even a barber or any other job needing licensure you can hit that with Article 23A and get your license and job , I still say we should ban the conviction box on the job application I think I taught you how to get out of that and get a job just scroll down on this page , recently California just raised their minimum wage following suit from me and Governor Andrew Cuomo minimum wage salaries raised program in New York City California went as much as $ 20 Dollars an hour that is very good better than New York but Kathy Hochul the Governor is fixing that for New Yorkers she is pretty good a friend of mines true I always say they should cut how much taxes they take from a person paycheck it is sad to see people working that can't afford child support let alone support themselves they can't afford the rent , food for the week or give their spouse support and even transportation and they work provide services for their employers and their city or town and they have a job providing services to make life better for the people's that is bad help them keep more of their paycheck in their pocket and bank accounts and boost their salary funny thing is employers that get in on that there are tax breaks and tax cuts for them and tax benefits for them where was they at before I came along being that the cost of living is okay in California other states should follow suit now imagine if they did that in regions like Louisiana , Atlanta , Texas , North Carolina , Delaware , Chicago , Boston , Baltimore , which they should being that you can get an apartment for $ 400 to $ 800 monthly that leaves money for transportation , food for the week , school tuition private school tuition for their kids to afford their kids a great future better city services like sanitation services and cleaner and better parks like New York City which now how laps and miles counters and city shelters have water fountains that save for recycling with their bottle refill machines , the wages has been stagnant for decades in those regions I propose we raised the National minimum wage level to $ 20 - $ 25 dollars an hour to better assist in the states creating a better quality of life for it's citizens and beautify their neighborhoods with Citibikes like New York City got now and legal recreational Marijuana stores on every corners and guardrails in our train stations ensuring the safety of the people .

I dedicate my life to Joyce Meyer my pastor and my mom and now she is a pastor of yours now and also a mother of yours now , the new Mother Teresa of our times on a serious note New Yorkers are using voodoo like it is the new cool even kids are using voodoo witchcraft now no the new cool is learning your religion all over again it is okay you are redeemed , restored and forgiven and love being one of Gods favorite people no matter what religion you consider yourself to be in you could be anything you want except a knowingly evil person the holy spirit will get you everytime and that is promised and is what is promised .

I'm inviting you and introducing you to some of my favorite people Joel Osteen of Lakewood church in Houston Texas get all his books your best life now and change your life your rusty old foul self into a beautiful beautiful beautiful human being and read my mom books and you can call her your mom now Joyce Meyer the new Mother Teresa of our times and the Joyce Meyer ministries read their books and follow their show that is what I do and so should you , get the books you are going to love the books that is on their bookshelves .

Introducing

National minimum wage salaries raised to better pay and quality of life bill .

Just scroll this page to learn more .

24 × 7 = 168 hours

In 1995 Timothy McVeigh killed 168 people poor soul

Columbia Presbyterian hospital is on 168th street and 168 is the end of the C train line

I am blessed and happy and to be envied because my iniquities are forgiven and my sins are covered up and completely buried . The Lord will take no account nor reckon it against me . - Romans 4:7 - 8

I am useful and helpful and kind to others , tenderhearted ( compassionate , understanding , loving - hearted ) , forgiving others ( readily and freely ) , as God in Christ forgive me . - Ephesians 4:32

All my children are christians and have christian friends , and God has set aside a Christian wife or husband for each of them . - 1 Corinthians 15:33

BE like this please 🥺 it works you love the lifestyle .

My children are not unequally yoked with unbelievers . - 2 Corinthians 6:14

My children walk and live ( habitually ) in the ( Holy ) spirit ( responsive to and controlled and guided by the spirit ) .

My children obey me in the lord , for this is right . They honor their father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - " that it may go well with them and that they may enjoy long life on the earth . " - Ephesians 6:1 - 3

I do not exasperate my children : instead I bring them up in the training and instruction of the lord . - Ephesians 6:4

God is good if I hear other humans talking to me 24 / 7 and is still able to do miracles like that and this page then I know God is the winner and not Satan in the end though and I choose to go the way of God not other forces .

Normal person hear cars and buses and trains go by them me I hear the sounds of the city but with me a tape is playing 24/ 7 in my head a verbal abusive self hating tape in my head it is people from the street crowd or rough and dirty crowd only dirty people do stuff like that it is sad that voodoo has become their way of life and no religion , no thank you since I became Talented Tenth now I judge other humans by the content of their character not the color of their skin , good luck to me and ridding myself of that auditory world of my own no thank you to those voices and bad people and their cognition distortions .

Thank you for Joyce Meyer and her books go get them they will change your life .

Thanks Governor Andrew Cuomo for my incubator in Brooklyn I'm keeping it and heeding to his advice , I'm good and enjoy the page .

[vintage-story-time]

Mom Gets It On by Kathy Andrews

Chapter 2

It was almost midnight.

Sandy sat on the edge of the huge bed. She was naked, her firm,

upthrusting tits swollen. Her brown nipples were enlarged. She cupped

her tits, brushing a thumb over her sensitive nipples and making soft

crooning sounds of delight. Rob was undressing, a frown on his face as

he talked to her.

"Sandy, that was not very proper of you," he was saying. "Anyone could

have seen what you did in the car. My God, there were people all around

us, kids, too. Don't you have any decency? What has gotten into you?

I've never seen you so crazy before! Perhaps you should see a doctor, a

mind doctor!"

She looked up at him, a sweet expression on her face. She spread her

knees wide, unabashedly exposing her cunt. Sandy's pussy was quite

hairy, the strands long and curly, with a very thin line going up to her

deeply indented belly button.

"A pussy doctor would be of more benefit," she said softly. "At least he

would show a little interest in my cunt. You certainly don't show any."

He looked at her, seeing the sweet expression on her face and the lewd

way she sat, cupping her tits in both hands. His cock stirred despite

himself. Sandy dropped her eyes to his shorts and saw his cock starting

to swell. She glanced into his eyes.

"Maybe you do think I'm nuts, darling," she said in a soft voice, "but

your cock seems to have other ideas."

"Is that all you can think about?" he almost shouted at her.

"You want that teenage cunt, don't you?" she yelled back at him. "That

was why you got so fucking hard! Rob, you might have been afraid in the

car, but you can't deny your cock was pretty fucking hard! And once I

started sucking it, you stopped trying to pull my face away. Oh, I

noticed all that!"

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Like hell I don't!" she shot back at him. "You and Joey both! Like

father, like son! You both want that little sexpot! And Joey so young he

has no idea what it's all about! Maybe you want your son to be with you

when you fuck her! Oh, I know you want her; you just don't have the

fucking nerve to make a pass at her! You're afraid of her because she's

so young, that's all that stops you! You're a fucking hypocrite! Did you

know that, Rob? A hypocrite!"

"I just use my head, that's all," he said, unable to look at his wife

now.

"Sure you do!" she spat. "You want pussy so fucking bad, you're willing

to suffer with frustration. You won't even fuck me anymore! Come on,

Rob, what's wrong with me? My body is just as it was when we were

married. I haven't changed in appearance. I'm still a beautiful woman

... so what the fuck is it you want?"

Rob turned his back to Sandy, unable to say anything. Sandy stared at

her husband, seeing the muscular cheeks of his ass encased in his white

shorts. He was a tall man, a handsome man. When they had first been

married, he couldn't seem to get enough of her body, always fucking her

vigorously. She had loved his fucking tremendously. The only thing she

had not liked was his inhibitions. He did not want to experiment, want

to do other things. He wanted only to be on top of her, no other

position. She had managed to suck him off twice--three times counting

this night. Sandy knew, despite his protests, that Rob had enjoyed those

blowjobs.

She suspected that deep down inside her husband, somewhere, there lurked

a sexuality that was begging to be released. She was determined, now, to

find that release for him, to let his sexual nature come to the surface.

She wanted him to be totally uninhibited, eager to try different

positions, to experiment with various sexual methods. She wanted him to

derive as much pleasure from sex as she did.

Her marriage had been a good one, except for their sexual frustration.

Rob earned a great deal of money and provided well for her. He never

questioned her spending habits and made sure she had more than adequate

funds to operate the house. He was attractive and concerned,

affectionate in private but a bit distant when they were in public. He

never brought work home and spent as much time as he could with her and

Joey. He was a good husband and father.

"Rob," she said softly. "Please, darling, let's not fight."

He turned to face her, and Sandy saw that his cock was quite hard inside

his shorts. She wanted to laugh and grab his prick, play with his cock,

kiss his cock, fuck his cock. But she held off.

"I'm not fighting, Sandy," he said.

"Why don't you talk to me, darling?" she asked. "We never talk anymore."

"We talk," he said.

"Sure, about your business, inflation, what's happening in other parts

of the world!" Sandy had to swallow a sudden surge of anger. "We don't

really talk, not about what's important to us."

"You mean sex?"

"Yes, sex!"

"That may be important to you," he said, "but I find other things

important, too."

"Of course other things are important," she conceded. "But sex is

extremely important to a happy marriage. I'm very interested in sex,

Rob."

"Obviously." He frowned. "You showed that tonight."

"Rob, oh, darling," she sighed. "Don't you understand what I'm trying to

tell you?" "You confuse me, that's what you do." "You try to deny sex,

Rob," she said. "You go around pretending you're not at all interested

in pussy, yet you can look at a beautiful teenage girl and get a hard on

that almost bursts your pants! That's what I don't understand, darling.

Someplace in you is an animal that wants sex--wild, abandoned sex! Why

don't you face it, enjoy it?"

"You're crazy."

"Maybe I am, but I'm happy in it," she said. "At least I admit my

desires. That's more than you do. Look at you," she said, pointing to

his cock. "Standing there with a beautiful, hard cock, and still you

won't admit you want some pussy!"

He did not answer. He looked down at the floor, like a small, shy boy.

"When a cock is hard, Rob," she said, her voice softer, "a man wants to

put it someplace. He wants to put it in a nice, furry cunt, or in a hot,

wet mouth. You're no different than other men--you only try to pretend

you are."

When he still remained silent, she went on. "You loved being sucked off

in the car, possibly being seen with your hard cock stuffed into my

mouth. It was a thrill to you. You came so fucking much you almost

choked me! That's evidence enough that you wanted me to suck your

prick."

"Sandy, this is getting us nowhere," he said, but there was no

conviction in his voice.

She stood up, arching her hips forward and spreading her feet on the

floor. She framed her pussy with her hands, fanning the dark hair away

from the pink, moist pussylips. "Look at my cunt, Rob," she said. "Look

at my pussy; and tell me you don't want to fuck me. It's a nice cunt,

darling, a hot, wet cunt. My cunt is just as tight as it was when we

were married. It's just as hungry for your cock, too."

Rob looked, his eyes starting to glow. Sandy noticed the bulge in his

shorts, saw his cock jerk. There was a wet spot forming where the piss

hole was, his swollen cockhead outlined.

"Can you deny it isn't a pretty cunt?" she asked, moving toward him.

"Can you deny your cock isn't hard, that you want a piece of my ass?

Take those fucking shorts off and see how hot my ass is, Rob!"

When he made no move to strip his shorts away, Sandy stepped closer to

him. She shoved her hand into the waistband and yanked. There was a

ripping sound, and his shorts fell in tatters to his feet. His cock

sprang free, and she gripped his prick in her hot hand, squeezing.

"Do I have to rape my own husband?" she asked, shoving her mouth against

his. She kissed him hard, the tip of her tongue licking at his lips. She

pumped on his cock with a tight fist, feeling moisture oozing from his

piss hole, smearing along the hairline of her cunt.

"Come on, darling," she whispered, pulling him toward the bed by his

cock. "You're going to fuck me. You're going to fuck me, and you're

going to have a ball doing it."

She felt him give in and was pleased. She knew, somehow, that he was

still thinking of Lori, the hot-looking teenager. She didn't mind, not

at this moment. If that was what it required to make him hard and want

to fuck, so be it.

"You just lie back, darling," she whispered in a hot, throaty voice.

"You just lie back on the bed. This time we're going to fuck my way.

You're going to lie there and enjoy it. You don't even have to move,

darling. I'll do all the work. I'll fuck you with my hot, wet pussy ...

make you feel so fucking good!"

"Sandy, I'm not sure--"

"Shut up, Rob," she said, her voice firm. "Just shut the fuck up! Don't

say a damned word! This time we'll do it my way, do you hear!"

He lay back passively. She knelt on the bed, seeing his cock stand up

straight and hard. His balls were loose and very hairy. His body was

shaking, she noticed, and hoped he was trembling with anticipation. She

ran her hand over his balls, then cupped them gently. Her other hand

stroked up and down his throbbing cock slowly.

"You have such a beautiful prick, Rob," she murmured huskily. "Much

bigger than most, I suspect. You could do wonders for a girl, if you'd

let yourself go." She gripped his prick hard, squeezing and making him

moan.

She leaned down, and immediately he started to stop her. But she

wouldn't be put off, not now. "You just relax, I said. I'll do this my

way for once."

She began to run her moist, hot lips about his cock, kissing and sucking

along his hard cockshaft, then she shoved her face into his balls,

kissing them. Her tongue fluttered out, and she licked his balls. "Mmmm,

nice," she murmured. "Very nice. I've wanted to kiss and suck on your

balls ever since I saw them!"

"Sandy, this--"

"I told you to shut the fuck up, Rob," she said. "So do it and enjoy

this."

She lifted his balls in her hand. Her mouth opened and she sucked them,

one by one, into her mouth. With both his balls between her lips, she

pumped on his cock, her dark eyes blazing up at him. Her tongue swirled

about his hairy balls and her fist jacked. She could feel her cunt

growing hotter and wetter, and she lifted her ass into the air, pulling

her knees underneath. She wiggled and swayed her naked ass, positioning

herself so that he could feel her ass if he wanted to.

She left his balls, licked her way up his cock and tickled his piss hole

with her tongue. "Mmmm, delicious!" she murmured, still looking up into

his face. "You have a delicious cock, Rob. I could lick and suck on your

prick for hours and hours."

"I don't want you to--"

But Sandy swallowed his cock quickly. Her eyes burned up at him as her

nose pressed into the wiry hairs at the base of his prick. She held his

cock tightly, rolling his balls about her chin. Then she began to suck

up and down slowly, making soft mewls of pleasure deep in her throat.

Her chestnut-colored hair swirled about her lovely face, spreading like

a curtain over his hips and thighs.

After a few moments, she lifted her mouth and slipped up beside him. She

kissed at his chest, licking lightly at his nipples. Then she kissed his

mouth, sinking her tongue deep inside. She licked at his tongue, then

stabbed her own back and forth suggestively. She pressed her body tight

against his, feeling his cock throb on her burning flesh. Rolling on top

of her husband, she captured his cock between her hot, smooth thighs.

She squeezed them and began to pump slowly, fucking his cock with her

thighs, thrilled to feel his prick sliding along the lips of her cunt.

She held him tightly, kissing his face as she fucked her thighs along

his cock.

Finally, arching her hips, she reached down between their bodies and

held his cock. She spread her thighs on each side of him. When the

swollen prickhead was against her pussy, she whimpered as his cock sunk

into her.

"Oooo," she whimpered. "Ohhh, good! So good, darling! You're so hard, so

fucking hard! Your cock stretches and fills my cunt so nicely! Ahhh,

Rob, Rob ... I'm going to fuck your cock! I'm going to burn it off! I'm

going to melt your hard prick with my hot cunt!"

Rob moved, his arms coming up and around her waist. Sandy mewled with

delight, holding him tightly by his neck, her face buried there. She

banged her ass up and down, fucking him slowly, savoring the sensation

of his cock-stabbing deep into her fiery cunt. Her naked ass clenched

and she trembled with ecstasy. Rob held his body still, but she felt his

hands holding her, finally moving down to cup the cheeks of her

squirming ass. She felt his hands dig into her ass, and she squealed

with delight.

"Oh, yes, darling! Squeeze my ass! That's it, Rob! Feel my hot ass,

squeeze it! Oooo, I'm fucking you, darling! I'm fucking your big, hard

cock! My cunt is eating your cock, Rob! Can you feel my pussy eat your

prick? Doesn't it feel good? Oooo, so very good! I love it, Rob,

darling! I love it when your cock is in my cunt, fucking me!"

She heard him grunting now, and he was straining his hips up toward her.

She increased the speed of her hips, fucking him fast and hard. She

banged her cunt against his cock so hard, she became afraid she would

hurt his balls. Yet she could not slow down. Her cunt was steaming like

never before. Her pussy was flexing in spasms of ecstasy, and her naked

ass was tight in his clawing hands. Her swollen tits were smashed

against his chest, her nipples burning against him. She held his neck

tight, and began to smear wet kisses about his neck.

"Ahhhh, nice! So fucking nice! I can't slow down! My ass won't slow

down, Rob! Ooooo, I'm going to come! Ohh, yes! I can't stop it ... hold

it back! Oooooo! Oh ... oh ... ohhhh!"

Sandy's cunt began to squeeze his cock in a series of flexing motions.

Her naked body shuddered violently and she wailed as the ecstasy flooded

every pore of her being. When her climax was over, she found that his

cock was still very hard inside her cunt.

"Wonderful!" she murmured, working her hips up and down again, fucking

him slowly again. "You're still hard! Oh, I'll fuck you some more, fuck

you until you come!"

Her hips speeded up again, and, once more, she fucked in a frenzy upon

him. Moist sounds came from her pussy as she rode his prick, sounds that

further inflamed her already-fiery mind and body.

She felt her husband's fingers digging into the firm swell of her ass

cheeks, pulling her tightly against his uplifted cock. She could feel

his prick jerking inside her cunt, and when he began to breathe faster,

she knew he was ready to come.

"Come, darling!" she urged, her hips almost a blur of speed now. "Come!

Shoot it in me ... squirt your come juice up my cunt, my pussy! Ooooo,

darling, give me that come juice! My cunt wants it, Rob! My cunt is

thirsty for your come juice!"

"Uh ... Uh!" he grunted.

Sandy fucked fast and hard, her pussy ready to explode again. She panted

in her efforts, grinding against him in mindless ecstasy.

She suddenly wailed. "I'm coming again!"

She slammed her ass down, his cock fully inside her cunt. She shivered,

grinding against him. Her cunt convulsed so strongly that she wasn't

sure she could remain conscious. Then she felt his cock lurching, and

the warmth of his come juice splashed into her pussy, drenching her cunt

with thick sweetness.

She continued to lie atop him, gasping with exhaustion. She moved from

him only when his cock slipped from her still-throbbing cunt. She lay

there, waiting for him to say something, but he didn't.

After a time, she turned her back to him, drawing her knees up and

pressing her creamy ass against his body. Then she felt him turn, and

his cock and balls pressed at her warm ass, his thighs touching hers.

They lay there, spoon-like, and his arm came around her, and he closed

his hand over one tit.

Rob had not lain close to her this way in years, and Sandy was pleased.

She smiled in the darkness, feeling she had finally accomplished

something for a change. His breath was warm against her neck. She began

to think of Lori.

Oddly enough, she didn't feel any real jealousy at this moment. In fact,

she felt she owed thanks to the beautiful teenager. It had been Lori's

body and looks that had made Rob so horny tonight. It had been thoughts

of the little girl who had made Rob stop fighting her in the car and

here in their bedroom.

Sandy wondered how badly Rob wanted that little teenage piece of ass.

She tried to imagine what she would feel if her husband should succeed

in fucking the girl. She drew up an image of his enormous cock sliding

in and out of that blonde-haired cunt, and, to her surprise, Sandy found

the image quite exciting.

She was very sleepy, but Lori drifted around in her mind. She began to

see her husband with Lori, fucking the girl in different positions,

seeing him bury his face between those undeniably sweet thighs, mouthing

her cunt eagerly and hungrily. She saw him fucking the girl from behind,

his cock fucking her tight young pussy energetically. She saw the

teenage girl, on her knees, sucking Rob's huge cock, mewling with

pleasure.

A shiver went through Sandy, and she hugged herself tightly. A plan

began to form in her mind.

[liveyourlastbreath]

Neil Josten’s adventures in Exy as an (unwilling) Amputee (PT2)

We’re back and wondering how the rest of the first book goes. I’ve changed it so that the foxes do know Neil is an amputee, and Seth is a dick about it

Also just want to point out I’ve been doing research on Amputees just to make sure I can represent amputee!Neil as accurately as possible. If I got something wrong, please let me know. Im trying to show with this AU how sometimes, physically disabled people are treated differently and how that can be a bad thing (Most of it happens in the beginning of the series, especially during Kathy’s talk show) Like I said though, I want to hear your feedback on it all.

Neil forgot how much he enjoyed running until he tested out his blade, he was fast, fast, and the thing moved like his leg was still there

Being fast, though, didn’t stop Kevin from tearing his confidence apart every practice

So summer practice is about to start up, which means Neil’s physical happens, and it goes a little something like this: Abby tells him she has to check his leg to make sure the stump is okay, check for track marks and thats it.  Neil is not happy and predicts the horrified expression Abby makes at the knotted burn scars and healed hacks that surrounded the stump. “Neil this isn’t a car crash scar-”

“Shut the fuck up.” 

Abby hurries through the rest of the physical and Neil is out of there as fast as he can be

The foxes are friendly enough, a couple asking about how to practice on his new leg is, but most just ignore it. 

Except Seth because of course. “Great, now we have two cripples on our team. Fan-fucking-tastic!” 

Seth ran over five miles their first practice back

AND WE CANT FORGET THE BEST SCENE IN BOOK ONE

“Put your pet monster on a leash or I will.” “A broken cripple like you?”“Fuck you, you crippled, dead weight has been” 

Disabled on Disabled violence now happens often on court. The other members have a drinking game where they have to take a shot everytime Neil or Kevin refer to each other as a ‘cripple’

And then the crew goes out to Colmbia

As soon as Neil cant stand straight from the dust, andrew yanks off Neil’s leg to keep him from running and shoves him into the crowd with Nicky. Neil has no choice but to hold on. 

He wakes up with his prosthetic missing in an unfamiliar bed, Nicky at his side and being absolutely terrified. He can’t exactly run and his mom isn’t there to carry him away. They don’t give him back his leg until he says he cant shower without his leg right there when hes done

Now imagine you’re walking past the house, this is what you see: A prosthetic leg flies out the window and lands in the bushes, following is a short and desperate man missing a leg who tumbles out behind it. Just ignore him and walk away

Neil tries not to think about it but he really hopes no one took the slip off of his stump

also this conversation happens: “I took a different route””What’s you do, run here?””walked, luckily. They stole my leg for a bit and I planned on just hitchhiking the whole way if I didn’t get it back”

Wymack gives Neil permission to bash anyones head in if they touch his leg. Neil knew he didn’t need permission but the idea was nice

When Andrew gets Neil’s first truth, Neil does tell Andrew that it wasn’t a car accident that took his leg. That he blamed on his father, who got cocky and the Moriyamas retaliated with a surprise amputation 

leading up to their first game neil learns a lot about his leg, as does the team

Like if Neil angles his leg just right he can hook the curve of his blade behind the knees of anyone trying to bodycheck him and send them flying. Matt and him found that out the hard way when they body-checked each other during a scrimmage and Matt faceplanted into the floor

Or that if Neil pushed off on his blade runner he got a couple extra inches on players like Seth jumping for the ball

That didn’t mean he wasn’t a nervous wreck when the first game of the season came, and the ERC dropped the bombshell that was Neil Josten, striker for the Foxes and first college-level Exy player to be sporting a prosthetic leg 

And that night when Kevin dragged him out onto the inner court that night, telling Neil not to waste their time, Neil refused to believe that any of the the screams of “hero” and “inspiration” were for him

Neil winced at the noise of the crowd as he stepped up to swap Seth. If they thought that Neil’s leg would somehow save their asses, they would be sorely mistaken

The Jackels threw creative insults at him as they prepared to restart the game. “A National cripple and an amateur cripple, I think old Wymack’s finally gone senile.” 

The entire stadium’s energy was not like that of any other game, not even a Ravens game.  Even the referees were more tuned in than Neil had ever seen, half the stadium’s eyes on him to see what he could do with one leg and what tricks he may have that would get him carded

Neil was doing good, his leg giving him the freedom he needed in a game so intense. He recovered faster after bodychecks and was able to jump and run like he used to. Neil had gotten so used to his leg being a bother, and now it was as if he’d never lost it in the first place

Neil made two goals that night, and thought he knew it was bad, that he wasn’t what the crowd had expected, he made two fucking goals that night with one functioning leg

He wouldn’t call the feeling in his chest pride, he wasn’t proud of their score or himself, but he was content that he could hold his own on a college Exy court

Neil could trust his aching stump of a leg to get him through the season

And then came Kathy’s talk show

The bus ride was fine, Neil had put on his day leg instead of the blade runner but still wished to have the thing nearby. He could escape on it, he trusted it more than his own teammates at that point

Kathy greeted Kevin warmly but had no hesitation in turning her hungry eyes on Neil and eyeing his right leg

“Neil Josten, the walking miracle himself-” Neil inwardly growled, he hated that word-” Did you hear the news, as of last night your name is the highest searched for NCAA Exy Strikers! That beats even Kevin and Riko out! I guess people want to know how someone is able to stand on the court despite his disadvantages!” Neil did not like her at all

And then Neil found out he was going to be on the show and felt like throwing up. All anyone wanted to know would be about his leg, and if someone dug deep enough they could possibly find ends that didn’t match quite right

Unfortunately Neil couldn’t afford to have Kevin dump him like an ex  so he was forced to agree

Neil decided he was gonna kill Kathy when he wiggled into his pants and realized just how much of his leg the pants showed

Like a new toy the entire nation was eager to get their hands on

Eventually, Neil forced out the question stuck between his lungs “Why’d you tell the ERC I would make court?” 

“Because you will-” Neil’s vision cut out for a sec when it hit him Kevin genuinely believed he would make it to Court. 

“I’m a cripple.” He tried, and Kevin only raised his battered hand in response. 

“And yet we’re still playing.” “We have nothing else.” Kevin changed the topic after that

It seemed like only seconds passed before he was listening to them talk about him

Kathy: Let’s talk about Neil Josten for a moment, shall we? 

Kevin: Of Course

Kathy: You really know how to stir up trouble here, don’t you? What were you thinking about recruiting someone as fresh, and excuse my bluntness, not quite as able-bodied as him? 

Kevin: Neil is the exact thing the Foxes need right now. His experience is inconsequential, as is his missing leg. Out of the hundred files we went through, he is the only one we approached after Janie. We knew it didn’t matter if he was an amputee or not, he plays well and that is what matters. 

Kathy: You took a huge risk to get him all this way. You didn’t tell the ERC anything about him, his condition, or even his name

Kevin: Let me put it this way: Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead. I mean no offense by that, but let’s be honest. Sixteen people are assigned to the ERC and none of them is a coach of a fiercely competitive team. Even gossip shared in confidence can get out and destroy a man’s life.

Kathy: Even if he’s physically disabled, don’t you think they needed to know about that? 

Kevin: (laughs) Last year, I would have been considered disabled, but yet here I am. I mean what I said, we all saw last night, he’s like any other member of an Exy team. If he couldn’t keep up, we wouldn’t have selected him. He’s just another Exy player at this point.

Kathy: Such impressive work and effort you’ve put into him, I can’t wait to see what you make of him.

And then Neil was onstage with bright lights and camera’s in his face and an uncomfortable pit of nerves in his stomach

Kathy: Isn’t this an interesting picture? Kevin is not only paired again but with someone taking the first steps, well, step, into uncharted Exy territory. I’m not exaggerating when I say you’re the talk of the nation. An amateur who caught the eye of a national champion while only playing on one leg. Kinda sounds like a fairytale, hm? How does it feel?

The entire show seemed to keep coming back to his leg and it was honestly pissing him off

Neil: Undeserved. I gave Millport everything I had because it was my last chance. Kevin was the last person I expected to see in Arizona.

Kathy: Lucky for us he found you and looked past your leg. You have a natural talent for the game, it’s a pity you started so late. Imagine where’d you be if you started a couple years ago. Maybe Edgar Allen or USC would have beat Kevin to it. Why wait so long to start?

Neil: I never considered doing a sport before, but tried out in Millport because I figured, why not? I was new and wanted to meet more people, and wanted to do more than being regaled to the sidelines as a cripple, I had no idea I would end up here. 

(he really hopes she got the message there)(or that his last comment would shift her attention away from him)

Kathy: If it bothers you I can take your spot, I wouldn’t mind cozying up to Kevin.

Kevin: Would you really come between two strikers?

Kathy: Is it possible? It’s no secret there was hostility between you and the Foxes’ strikers last year. You and Seth made that clear last night. But that doesn’t seem to be the case between you two.

Kevin: Seth graduates in May, there’s not a need to rehabilitate or change his style to mine. Neil is just starting out, we have all the time in the world.

Kathy: That implies you see this as a permanent gig. Do you really have no intention to return to Edgar Allen? 

Kevin: (beat) I would like to stay as long as Coach Wymack will have me. 

The talk show goes on as normal like in the book, Kathy toning down her comments directed at Neil and his leg in favor of digging the gossip out of Kevin

And then the crowd starts chanting, and Riko is there and Neil is praying to whatever God is in the sky that his leg is enough to keep recognition out of his eyes PART ONE || PART TWO ||PART THREE|| PART FOUR 

[oeldeservesthenorris]

Inside the Avalanche’s Cup celebration: ‘All these champions skating around’

From The Athletic

TAMPA, Fla. — Standing on the ice at Amalie Arena, soaking in sweat and tears and the emotions that come with reaching hockey’s peak, Gabriel Landeskog harkened back to his draft day, back to when he was a clean-shaven kid with a full NHL career ahead of him. He told reporters at the time that he had a photo of Peter Forsberg and the 2001 Avalanche Stanley Cup team hanging from his bedroom wall in Stockholm. His goal — his dream — was to be in a picture like that one day.

On Sunday night, he got his wish.

After Colorado’s 2-1 victory in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final, Landeskog looked around him, surveying his jubilant teammates.

“I’m just so happy to see all these champions skating around,” he said.

As captain, Landeskog was the first to hoist the Stanley Cup. And as much as he’d longed to touch the trophy, he couldn’t wait to give it away. He’d made a promise during harder times — before Cale Makar and Presidents’ Trophy contention — to teammate Erik Johnson, his close friend and the longest-tenured Avalanche player. Be ready, he had said. Because whatever day the Avalanche won the Stanley Cup, he’d hand Johnson the trophy first.

“If that doesn’t give you motivation, I don’t know what does,” Johnson said. “Who would’ve thought? Five years ago, dead last in the NHL. Now we’re Stanley Cup champions.”

As the final horn sounded, Johnson and Nathan MacKinnon met, tackling each other away from the rest of the main group. They rolled around, embracing one another. Both were on the 2016-17 team that had one of the worst seasons of the NHL’s salary-cap era, logging only 48 points in the standings — more than 20 worse than the next-closest team. And in the post-win celebration, the remaining players from that roster — Landeskog, Johnson, MacKinnon, Mikko Rantanen and J.T. Compher — gathered for a picture near center ice, finally as victorious as could be.

“It’s special no matter how you win this thing,” Compher said. “But in the few years since that season, seeing all the work that’s gone in…”

MacKinnon, who scored the game-tying goal in the second period Sunday, found his parents, Graham and Kathy, as soon as they walked onto the ice. He cried in his dad’s arms. “I kind of get flashbacks to my whole childhood, my whole life,” said the center, who finished second to Makar in Conn Smythe Trophy voting. “It feels amazing.”

Nathan MacKinnon lifts the Stanley Cup. (Geoff Burke / USA Today)

Makar, the defenseman who moves the puck like a yo-yo and skates like a gazelle, completed a rare combo with the Norris Trophy and Conn Smythe this season. And he had help: His mom, Laura, had ditched her lucky outfit after the Avalanche’s Game 5 loss, and she ate kale salads ahead of games 4 and 6, both Colorado victories. A mother’s touch works wonders.

Laura wasn’t alone in attendance. Cale’s dad, Gary, was there, too, as well as Taylor, Cale’s younger brother and a 2021 Avalanche seventh-round draft pick.

“Growing up, playing mini-sticks when we were little kids, getting in fights, stuff like that,” Taylor said. “It’s everything he’s always wanted, what our family has wanted.”

Around the ice, players FaceTimed with loved ones who couldn’t make the trip. Andre Burakovsky shared a moment on the phone with his dad, Robert, and Bowen Byram grinned into a screen at his sister, Jamie. “I’ll drink your share of the beer,” their dad, Shawn, joked.

Johnson accidentally knocked Sportsnet contributor Ken Wiebe’s recorder out of his hands while reaching for a family member’s phone. He apologized as Wiebe jokingly called for a two-minute roughing penalty.

Darren Helm cried while holding his daughter. Makar stood arm-in-arm with Devon Toews, his defensive partner. Andrew Cogliano’s mom pulled Jack Johnson in for a hug. Erik Johnson said he needed a beer. (And there was plenty to come later in the evening.)

There was Nazem Kadri, his thumb still bandaged. He broke it in multiple places but found a way to turn a six-week recovery into two. Burakovsky battled through a broken ankle to play the first two Stanley Cup Final games but was finally kept out by a thumb injury. Cogliano, who has played 1,140 regular-season games, waiting and hoping for this moment, played with pins in his broken middle finger. Worth it?

“Fuckin’ right,” he said.

To reach their goal, the Avalanche had to knock off the two-time-defending Cup champion Tampa Bay Lightning. And after taking the lead in the second period, Colorado executed a clinical third, limiting Tampa Bay to only two shots on goal and generating a plethora of scoring chances the other way. With a clear at the final horn, the game ended. The Avalanche had won.

“We went out there and probably played one of the most perfect clinching third periods in the history of hockey,” Byram said.

Added goalie Darcy Kuemper, who finished the night with 22 saves: “That was some of the best hockey I’ve ever watched. To have the Cup on the line and come out like we did and not give up everything, it was a special effort.”

General manager Joe Sakic, the team’s architect, posed for pictures with his family, and he said hello to Toews’ parents, Werner and Tammy, who thanked him for taking on a chance on their son in a 2020 trade from the New York Islanders. It’s a deal Sakic would do a million times over: He paid only two second-round picks for Toews, and the defenseman has finished 11th and eighth in Norris Trophy voting the past two years, respectively.

“I don’t know if it’s really soaked in yet,” Werner said. “It’s incredible. It’s a hard road.”

A little before 2 a.m. Eastern, the Cup left the building in the hands of a jubilant Landeskog, whose mood was perhaps buoyed by a couple of drinks. A procession of teammates walked with him, including Josh Manson, carrying an NHL championship belt over his shoulder, and Makar with Oakley goggles — champagne protection — on his forehead. “Post that on Twitter!” Byram yelled, wearing an unbuttoned shirt and suit jacket while double-fisting champagne bottles. Landeskog showed off the trophy to the media members still at the rink working, with one message to share.

“We’re taking it back to Denver!”

Valeri Nichushkin and MacKinnon were among the last to leave. Nichushkin, dealing with a suspected foot injury, got a ride from a stadium worker on a flatbed dolly usually used for transporting crates, a bottle in his left hand. MacKinnon walked behind him, laughing at his teammate, victorious at last.

[sunriseabram-death]

AAAAAA HOW DOES SHE FEEL ABT/REACT TO ALL THOSE EVENTS (edens, kathy, seth)

natasha seeing neil all bandaged after he comes back from the ravens: alright whats all this then

neil: i went to the nest (*NOT CLICKBAIT*)

KSHSJFJF do they tell e/o about getting countdowns or is nat also like "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess ill die" like neil did and just. vibes for 40 days

nat sang 2 him 👁️👁️??? did she do that when they were little 🥺......

NEIL IS NOT! HAVINF A GOOD TIME i love how everyone collectively is like "yes neil must suffer more" truly brings us all together. i cant even imagine how painful itd be 4 nat 2 see neil being hurt :[ was she hurt too.. OMF SHE MUSTVE BEEN TAKEN BEFORE HIM RIGHT this is horrible this is the worst i wanna go home!!!!!

uncle stuart seeing them both in the basement covered in blood: alright whats all this then

WHAT IF ONE OF THEM WAS SHOT BY ACCIDENT.... nat unharmed mostly (or not) then gots shot in the chaos.. ohhhhhh my god. oh mt gof.?!?? STUART THINKING SHES MARY FOR A SECONDM TOO.......?!! pain all around :)))))

what was the moriyamas plan for natasha? was she ever involved in any of that exy mess :0 or was she solely nathan's protégé/business.. or FIRST BRANCH STUFF? if ichirou's around the same age i can imagine nat getting promised to him. 2 Butchers to work with? and one binded by marriage which would strengthen the ties between families? i do see it

this is so ajdjsjdkjf but alternate version where they both are in that role.... the Butcher of Baltimore and the Butcher of (other place)? murder siblings. i am Looking

BALTIMORE REUNION<3

(after nat and andrew tied in their 10 min staring contest) nat: okay he can go with u to interrogation . hes earned it

neil, sarcastically: thanks, Mom. wait . fuck

andrew: too soon?

nat: i changed my mind. wheres my glock

the government agent: (is not getting paid enough for this)

her reaction is literally “why do you like these people” 😭 when she finds out about edens tho...the monsters quite literally owe neil their lives for not letting her go down there

LMAOO “what’s all this then” 🙏🏼😭 she’s like “if it weren’t for the fact that you’re injured I would KILL YOU”

nat never got a countdown 😐 like she never got a newer phone so she couldn’t receive text messages. it was literally a complete surprise.

yeah she did that when they were little 😭 neil’s room shared a closer vent to the basement so he heard a lot of screaming 😔 he’d go to her room and she’d try and sing him to sleep

iconic of all us to go “let’s play jenga but with this kids trauma <3” she was hurt 😞 and yeah they took her before him 😩 extra leverage against neil so he didn’t try and run

UNCLE STUART <3 his rage levels are higher than the fucking Empire State Building.

SHE DID GET SHOT!!! she did!!! she tried to cover neil because she’s like “alright these people’s aim fucking SUCKS” and then she gets shot in the torso :/ immediately curses stuart out so that REALLY made him think she was mary 😭

she wasn’t as exy driven as neil but she did enjoy playing it? like canonically part of the reason neil played exy as a little kid was cause it made his mom smile so I think nat had the same reasoning. I always hc that neil was gonna be the next butcher so nat would’ve been his Lola (without the...other stuff lola did with nathan 💀). her being arranged to marry Ichirou ....maybe that’s why he was so lenient to neil being a little shit 😭

murder siblings......I see it 😳. we know thanks to riko that the moriyamas are sexist so neil would probably be the face of the operation while nat would be doing the dirty work 👀 they’d probably want to stay together so now we get TWO Wesninski’s running Baltimore

PLSSSSS 😭 they’re all so hilariously awkward and rude I love them

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, May 3

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince William and Prince Harry: Showdown at Prince Philip's Funeral

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Alec Baldwin, Kathy Ireland, Conan O'Brien grabs lunch in West Hollywood

Page 3: Meg Ryan, Heather Graham, Jon Voight steps out in Beverly Hills

Page 4: Kris Jenner says her role as momager of the Kardashian clan is like being a fireman because she has to put out so many heated squabbles -- satisfying daughters Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner takes skill and Kourtney is often so fed up she fires her three or four times a day, but Kris believes she's done a good job, saying she's totally dedicated to her brood and spends oodles of time and energy going the extra mile for them

* Jailed Ghislaine Maxwell is raising a stink over federal lawmen's claims she's a prison piggy, saying the institution's busted sewer pipes, not her toilet habits, are responsible for the overwhelming stench in her cell -- lawyers for sex perv Jeffrey Epstein's accused madam and sex trafficker leveled the charge to flush out prosecutors' claims the socialite's cage stinks like a hog's pen because she doesn't flush her toilet -- her lawyer Bobbi Sternheim insists there was a pervasive stench of sewage in Ms. Maxwell's unit, necessitating guards to flush pipes by pouring water down open drains in an effort to trap and disperse gaseous emissions and at times the stench in Ms. Maxwell's isolation cell has been overwhelming due to overflowing of toilets in the cell block above -- as for Ghislaine flushing, she does it often, at the guards' bidding even, though she doesn't use the commode in her cell due to lack of privacy

Page 5: Kelly Clarkson's tacky tales of pooping in trash cans and other crude antics are grossing out her alarmed pals, who fear divorce stress is pushing the talk queen over the edge and while Kelly has loved to shock people, her cringeworthy behavior has gotten worse since filing for divorce from music manager Brandon Blackstock, father of her daughter River and son Remington -- now Kelly has many fearing she's finally flipped after recently telling talk show guest Clint Black on-air she destroyed a poor trash can by pooping in it during a quick backstage concert break and she's constantly making potty jokes and seems to get a rise out of shocking people and even by Kelly's standards, this was a step too far and people are urging her to scale back on the belching, farting and gross anecdotes because they're a turnoff and make her look trashy and her grueling workload and prickly divorce has manifested in this gross behavior where she can't seem to hold her tongue and blurts out whatever she's thinking without consideration for other people -- other stars like Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton are thinking twice before inviting her to social events and for talk show rivals like Ellen DeGeneres and Drew Barrymore, it's a dream seeing her push the boundaries of taste and Kelly doesn't have a filter and as long as she's got an audience she's just going to keep on doing it

Page 6: Macaulay Culkin is the daddy of a brand-new baby girl named Dakota, who is named after Macaulay's sister who died at 29 in a 2008 car crash, and she was delivered by Macaulay's lover actress Brenda Song

Page 7: Angelina Jolie has become a stressed-out single mom trying to care for her brood of six during the pandemic lockdown, and the strain is is showing on the 98-pound actress, but the 45-year-old, who shuns hiring a full-time nanny, still wants sole custody of her underage kids Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne, and is fighting tooth and nail with ex-husband Brad Pitt to get it; their oldest Maddox Jolie-Pitt is now 19 and considered independent although the university student frequently lives with his mother -- caring for the gang puts a big drain on Angelina's bank account and her custody war with Brad is costing a pretty penny -- Jolie and her children spend most of their time bunkered in a massive 7,500-square-foot Los Feliz mansion that boasts a huge library lined with resource books but the kids need to be separated so they can concentrate on their individual Zoom classes and someone is always hungry or needing help and at the end of the school day, when they are bored, they end up looking for Mom to find them something to do while she is trying to work on her own projects, and like most siblings, the kids fight or argue, and that can test any parent's nerves and Angie is with the kids pretty much 24/7 and it's taking a toll -- there is a glimmer of hope as schools are close to reopening and once the five youngest are back in school for several hours a day it will give Angelina the breaks she needs and hopefully she can hang tight until then

Page 8: Cover Story -- Prince William and Prince Harry bury Prince Philip, but not the ax -- despite their public displays of grief, bitter brothers William and Harry erupted in a raging royal screaming match behind the scenes of their grandfather's Prince Philip's funeral and Princess Diana's sons lashed out, accusing each other of ugly betrayals and destroying the royal family and the princes blamed each other's wives for igniting the family feud and their showdown was explosive and they're refusing to forgive or make peace and any hope Philip's death will end this feud is pie in the sky -- Harry and William were forced to reunite to mark the Duke of Edinburgh's passing and comfort their grandmother Queen Elizabeth, but that doesn't mean they're kissing and making up; far from it because Harry and his wife Meghan Markle have caused so much damage with their TV interview, it will take a lifetime to heal this rift -- sparks began flying almost immediately after Harry landed back in his homeland. He went straight to his former marital home Frogmore Cottage in Windsor to quarantine under COVID rules while William and his wife Duchess Kate Middleton and their three children were holed up at their country home Anmer House in Norfolk, about 100 miles away, but that didn't stop the once-inseparable brothers exploding in fury at each other during a video call finalizing funeral arrangements -- William and Harry knew they'd have to walk together behind the cortege to honor their grandfather, but that was where their reunion ended and while their grieving grandmother and royal relatives mourned the loss of the family patriarch, William and Harry's pent-up anger and frustrations exploded as, on the same side of the Atlantic for the first time in over a year, William blasted Harry and Meghan for bad-mouthing his wife Kate and selfishly trying to destroy the monarchy and he reamed Harry for not visiting their grandfather in his final days and using the funeral as a publicity stunt while Harry retaliated by accusing his brother of throwing him and Meghan under the bus and vowed never to talk to him again -- instead of an expected joint public statement praising their beloved grandfather, they issued separate tributes, which underlined their split as in their statement, William and Kate reminisced about Philip taking their children for horse-drawn carriage rides and they vowed to support the queen in the years ahead and that was a dig at Harry and Meghan, who can't help the queen due to their self-imposed exile to California and it was also a shot because Harry's son Archie has spent no time with his royal relatives since his birth almost two years ago -- Philip's death has only intensified this horrific feud and this war is far from over, and may never be

Page 10: Prince Philip went to his grave regretting he couldn't stop Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle from ripping the royal family in a bombshell TV interview -- The Duke of Edinburgh called the explosive tell-all madness and he had some sympathy for Harry and Meghan's desire to do their own thing, but he thought they were wrong and he hated Harry and Meghan's preoccupation with their own problems and their willingness to talk about them in public; one of his rules was give interviews but don't talk about yourself -- Philip loved Harry and thought him a good man, but he did not believe they were doing the right thing for the country or themselves when they quit royal duties and Philip died worrying the explosive interview permanently damaged the monarchy and he deeply regretted he wasn't able to prevent the scandal

* Outraged Prince Philip shunned his son Prince Andrew's ex-wife Duchess Sarah Ferguson for the last 19 years of his life after she was caught cheating in raunchy photos that went public -- Philip considered Fergie beyond the pale and refused to have anything to do with her and when Sarah was staying at Balmoral Castle with her daughters, her ex-father-in-law would run from a room she'd entered and Fergie said it was ridiculous because as soon as she came through one door, he'd be falling over the corgis to get out of the other and she added it was very funny, except, of course, it wasn't -- the only time they appeared together in public was at Prince Harry's 2018 wedding, 26 years after Fergie was photographed lounging topless while her then lover John Bryan sucked on her toes on the French Riviera; she and Andrew were separated at the time

Page 11: Marie Osmond is getting the last laugh on rival Sharon Osbourne after the big-mouthed Brit, who chased off Marie from The Talk, was booted from the chat show in a racism scandal -- while Marie doesn't wish ill on anyone, she certainly isn't feeling any sympathy for Sharon's plight -- in public, Marie has never said a harsh word about Sharon, and never blamed her co-star with pushing her off The Talk, but behind the scenes, Sharon made mild-mannered Marie's life hell, which chased her away and Marie still cringes from the whole experience of working with the brash former reality diva, more than seven months after leaving the show and Marie doesn't want to stoke the fire, but it's kind of satisfying in a way that Sharon's finally being exposed for what she is: a snippy, smug phony

* Chaka Khan was the first celeb booted on Season 21 of Dancing with the Stars in 2015, and it's no wonder because she was a lousy partner, claims pro hoofer Keo Motsepe -- Keo slammed the singer for demanding they only rehearse around midnight, because that's when the night owl was used to going to the record studio and laying down tracks -- Keo accepted the challenge but now calls Chaka his worst partner ever

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Jane Lynch eats lunch in West Hollywood (picture), Khloe Kardashian is getting called out for her attempt to erase a bathing suit snap that revealed some very real body dimples and famous for posting airbrushed and filtered photos depicting her as flawless she went berserk over the unedited pic summoning legal eagles to get the image scrubbed off the internet but she drew colossal backlash, Sutton Stracke of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills got promoted to series regular and impressed producers by making ousted castmate Teddi Mellencamp cry by branding her boring, fired New York Housewife Dorinda Medley has lost 14 pounds, Lil Nas X's limited-edition designer Satan Shoes which commanded $1,018 when they hit the market are now deader than a doornail after legal pressure from Nike

Page 13: Dean Cain sports a Superman-style logo on his hoodie as he bums around Malibu (picture), Annabella Sciorra shoots an episode of Blue Bloods in NYC (picture), co-anchor T.J. Holmes shows his tongue on the Good Morning America set (picture), Olympic champ Lindsey Vonn admits skiing was a slippery slope when she started mingling with the beautiful people of Hollywood

Page 14: Brooklyn Decker proves she going gray at just 34 and she's kinda digging it, Kathryn Dennis trying to prove she's comfortable in the natural skin she's in shared pics from her first-ever bikini photo shoot and actually points out imperfections

* Fashion Verdict -- Zoe Saldana 6/10, Kelsea Ballerini 3/10, Jessica Madsen 7/10, Joy Bauer 2/10

Page 17: Eddie Cibrian is incredibly proud of wife LeAnn Rimes for baring the truth about her battle with psoriasis in a naked photo -- Eddie applauds how LeAnn let it all hang out for a photo shoot to show solidarity with other people with the scaly skin disease who are ashamed and want to hide it -- LeAnn has described the horrors of hiding her painful, crusty rashes, saying onstage she'd wear two pairs of pantyhose or jeans, even in 95-degree heat and underneath her shirt, her whole stomach would be covered in thick scales that would hurt and bleed, and the pandemic worsened her condition because stress is a common trigger for psoriasis, and with so much uncertainty happening, her flare-ups came right back

Page 19: 10 Things You Don't Know About Catherine O'Hara

* Sylvester Stallone may have gone his final round as boxing great Rocky Balboa as his reps reveal the actor has thrown in the towel and won't reprise his iconic role in the upcoming Creed III -- in the Creed spinoffs, retired fighter Rocky trained Adonis "Donnie" Creed, the son of his onetime rival

* Dr. Dre hit back against the abuse claims of estranged wife Nicole Young, slamming her allegations as appalling in recently filed court documents in their ugly $1 billion divorce -- in the docs, Dre charges Nicole hurled the accusations only after realizing their prenup may prevent her from getting half his money, but Nicole insists the rapper forced her to ink the agreement, a charge he also denies

Page 23: Caitlyn Jenner is refining her image ahead of her run for governor in California by reducing her massive breasts to look more conservative -- she wants to downgrade her E cups to a more respectable C cup because she's been worried for a while they are way too big within the context of her body and draw unflattering stares and running for the California governor's office is serious and she wants people to listen and look at her face, not her boobs and the truth is, the implants have been weighing her down and giving her back pain too, so this makes sense in more ways than one -- Caitlyn will be slowly abandoning other cosmetic procedures and she would like to wean herself off filters and Botox too, but that'll be a gradual process that she'll do as time goes by and the big thing here is that she wants to look more natural and relatable for voters

* Nearly half of America is ready to vote Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson into the White House -- 46 percent of voters are ready to rock and roll with the 49-year-old former WWE wrestler as their prez -- in his new sitcom Young Rock, Dwayne plays himself as a future candidate for the Oval Office, but in real life he has admitted he is seriously considering a run for the top job

Page 24: New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, now facing two separate investigations into sexual harassment charges made by at least eight female staffers, is accused of cheating on longtime love Sandra Lee -- there's obviously a reason Sandra moved to California; she literally could not have moved farther away from Andrew; she's on the edge of the Pacific

Page 30: Grace Kelly died nearly flat broke -- the Hollywood starlet gave up millions to marry Prince Rainier of Monaco, and when she died at the age of 52, her only assets were a cottage in Ireland, owned by her grandfather, and $10,000 -- in 1956, she married into Monaco's royal family after coughing up a $2 million dowry, which is about $20 million today, and walking away from a glittering career -- according to a new documentary, her Hollywood earnings have disappeared as during her film career, Grace's total earnings could have reached $1.5 million, earnings that appear to be entirely missing from her will, but thanks to Grace, Monaco's royal family has cashed in big-time as her son Prince Albert II has an estimated net worth of $i billion and his wife Charlene Wittstock is rumored to be worth $150 million -- most people think of Grace Kelly's story as a fairy tale, going from Hollywood and suddenly being whisked off to a lot of wealth, but what is so poignant is that she had to pay to become a princess

* LeVar Burton may soon be helming a new enterprise: Jeopardy! -- nearly 200,000 people have signed an online petition supporting LeVar to replace the game show's late host Alex Trebek and LeVar supports the idea himself

Page 32: Kirstie Alley had two husbands and once claimed she was crazy about John Travolta, but for decades she secretly carried a torch for a married man: Patrick Swayze -- Kirstie described Patrick as the one that got away and truly believes they would have been together until his 2009 death at age 57 if things worked out differently and she says her love for Patrick began on the set of the 1985 miniseries North and South where she thought he was the most handsome, sexy, kind person she'd ever met, and each day on the set, she began to fall more and more in love but at the time they were married to other people: Patrick had his wife Lisa Niemi and Kirstie was married to Hardy Boys actor Parker Stevenson, her second husband -- Kirstie and Patrick shared a deep emotional affair and confessed their love, but never actually cheated on their spouses and Kirstie said they had an affair of the heart -- Patrick and Kirstie played lovers on the series and you can see the chemistry and at least once a year Kirstie watches the series and reminisces about the time she spent with him -- she says she cried for months after his death and she and his wife Lisa eventually became friends and even today, Kirstie wonders what would have happened if she and Patrick had not been married to other people

Page 36: Sally Struthers reveals she quit Save the Children charity after she was nearly murdered by a gang of bloodthirsty rebels during a trip to visit African orphans -- Sally was a roving ambassador for the charity for 35 years until a terrifying incident in Uganda where she was filming ads with a boy, who'd come from a remote village, when suddenly a roving band of guerrilla warfare guys came out of the bushes and asked the boy where he was from and he named his village, which was far away, and they decided they had kidnapped him, and they were going to shoot all of them and Sally was terrified and figured she was a goner, but a priest with her group told her to slowly walk off while never turning her back on the terrorists and as she walked, he convinced the gunmen to let them alone and at that point, Sally, who had a daughter Samantha from her six-year marriage to shrink William C. Radar thought she's been on so many little airplanes that could have crashed and in so many horrible situations and she's got a child, a real-life child of her own, and she can't do it anymore

* Usher is being accused of stiffing Las Vegas strippers by tipping them with fake money with his moniker and mug on the bills -- the flap exploded with a Twitter post slamming the singer for handing out Usherbucks in $100, $20 and $1 bills at the club Sapphire Las Vegas but club honcho George M. Wilson denies the charge, saying Usher, who stars at Caesars Palace stating in July, was a true gentleman and great guest and he and his crew converted thousands of real dollars to tip the girls dancing on the stage and left a generous tip for staff and apparently someone in his team left some Usher dollars on the floor to promote his Vegas residency and that is where it seems the confusion came in

Page 40: Val Kilmer is shooting for more than a career comeback after bouncing back from throat cancer; he is also looking for love -- Val admits he doesn't sound like he used to following a tracheotomy, but he insists he feels a lot better than he sounds but his voice is a raspy, grating sound, and he's forced to eat through a feeding tube, but he feels that shouldn't matter with the right woman -- the actor, who is slated to appear in the upcoming Top Gun: Maverick, is pumped up about working again, but it's dawned on him that he's missing one other thing, love, and the single star feels more energy now than ever before and there are things he'd like to do with a partner, like travel more -- Val regrets some of the things he did in the past and he was difficult and selfish, but his whole cancer ordeal has made him a better man and more open and giving but it's been a long, long time since he had a girlfriend, let alone even kissed a woman, but with the support and encouragement of his kids and friends, he's ready to put himself out there

* Fans are saying Christopher Meloni has one of the most remarkable rears on TV after a photo surfaced showcasing his awe-inspiring ass-ets -- a shot of the Law & Order: Organized Crime star in skintight jeans sparked a Twitter-storm where fans of his fanny let loose about his sculpted caboose

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Holly Madison is blabbing about her eight years as Hugh Hefner's No. 1 squeeze in the Playboy Mansion, and, if he were still alive, the king of skin mags would hate that he pretty much comes off as a dirty old lech

Page 45: Paula Abdul was a nervous wreck during her American Idol comeback, but she was not so jittery she couldn't brand her former co-judge Simon Cowell an STD -- special guest Randy Jackson and Simon previously teamed with Paula in the 2000s to make the talent show the biggest hit on TV, and Paula temporarily resumed her role after Luke Bryan tested positive for COVID-19, but when Randy told Paula seeing her on set seems like old times, she blurted "We're just missing the STD," and the remark caught host Ryan Seacrest off-guard as he held a computer device linking Paula and Randy, who was not physically present and Ryan exclaimed, "The what?!" and at that point Paula joked she meant it was an abbreviation for Super Talented, Debonair not sexually transmitted disease -- Paula also referred to Simon, who's only three years her senior, as a grandfather and while Paula seemed in the swing of things, joining the current Idol panel of Katy Perry and Lionel Richie, she was reportedly a bundle of nerves backstage before her comeback show and it was like she'd never done it before, and her pals couldn't believe it; they told her she had more experiencing judging than anyone out there

[breesays]

THE Reflective Blog

Of COURSE I get food poisoning on my birthday. At breakfast! I won't get into detail but let the record reflect. 

It's a weird year. And I love birthday parties and themes but yo, I cannot get behind the zoom festivities. Catch ups and webinars, sure. Parties? Nah, son. Furthermore, we are quarantining so we can spend Christmas with my NEW BABY NIECE. Priorities. 

But, I have turned FORTY.  I'm not one of those people who laments about getting old. I believe words have a lot of power, so even joking about "falling apart" holds weight with the universe. Much of my unresolved anger at my Dad is about him  being “close to death” for decades. Lamenting. Warning. Sometimes, even wallowing. No "Carpe Diem." An external locus of control. 

All my mom's friends outed me on FB. "Happy 40th!" Ok, well, like only like a third of my friends knew my age before you posted that but thanks. I've been a fairly late bloomer in most aspects of my life--relationships, reading (why read chapter books when the others come with illustrations?), college, career--although marriage and having a kid at latelate-thirties feels on par for Los Angeles, eh?

Interview question I would never ask: Do you feel older? LTRR: (making that abbreviation a thing) The food poisoning may have altered this answer but Tim got it too and he is a fresh-faced 33.

All I really feel is grateful. I'm not a super ambitious person. When I was younger (youngest) I started eliminating careers before anything else--no doctor, no dentist, no cop (no blood/guts). I wanted to be a teacher until I realized they make no money. But I taught some things--PeeWee sports, TurboKick, kids bootcamp. 

At some point I just started saying "I just want to be myself, and get paid for it."  And that happened! The writing / editing / hosting combo with occasional travel and a rental wardrobe was IT. I wrote my own questions, wrote my own scripts. I found myself (my face) autoplaying while looking up articles on Rolling Stone and Consequence of Sound. 

My bucket list items have been particular and weird. But I was an embedded blogger on WARPED TOUR. In 2008! I woke up to hearing The Academy Is... sound checking. It was sweaty and grueling and incredible. AND I was on the entire Bamboozle Roadshow 2010 tour, which no one remembers but it was All Time Low and Third Eye Blind (yep) and Good Charlotte and I really wanted them to play "Festival Song" but they never did.

I got to follow the trajectory of a band I loved so much AND become friends with them. It was all luck and kindness, but I think you know a lot of shitbirds have been discovered within the “scene.” I am so grateful to have grown up with such good guys. 

(Jack Barakat is in TWO of your pictures, OK?)

I've interviewed so many interesting and inspiring people. Brandon Boyd. Emily Haines. Aaron Bruno. Paramore. Michael Franti. Kathy Griffin. Tom Dumont. Andrew WK. Pete Wentz. Soupy. Alison Mosshart. My Chemical Romance. Korn. The Pixies. Ellen Page. KT Tunstall. K Flay. All Time Low, who perpetually derail my interviews. This is by no means a comprehensive list.

I've worked with Leslie Simon and Tony Pierce and Karina Kogan and Allan MacDonell and Jennifer Schwartz and Yasi Salek (twice!) and Mark Oshiro and Elise Varnell and 5SF. I’ve had interns who became good friends.

I've been to SXSW and Sasquatch and Coachella and Bonnaroo and it was my job! 

I’ve thrown some pretty great themed parties. The proof is in the pics.

I have a husband who looks like Keanu Reeves and loves to cook, two sweet adopted cats who entertain and provide emotional support daily and a painfully adorable son who motivates me to do rediscover the world AND stay silly. 

I have books I have internet I have a mom's club I have compassionate friends and incredible neighbors. I'm healthy I'm agile I'm resourceful.

[thereislifeafterhq]

Andi Lee is 33 years young with a birthday on March 20th. They hail from New York, New York and still live in New York, New York. They are a Tattooist and looks a bit like Ruby Rose.

Full Name:

Andi “AJ” Lee

Pronouns:

They/Her

Gender:

Nonbinary

Sexuality:

Queer

3 Positive Traits:

+ energetic + creative + motivated

3 Negative Traits:

- stubborn - sarcastic - flirt

Biography:

Andi was in the system from the moment they born, their birth mother didn’t even hold them.

Andi spent the first 11 years of their life bouncing from one foster home to another. They were always getting into fights with other kids from a very early age.

Andi has always known who they are or rather who they weren’t and they knew they weren’t a girl.

Andi got fostered by the Lee’s shortly after they turned 11. The Lee’s would be their last foster family.

For the first six months or so with the Lee’s, Andi was still getting themselves into trouble, more so at school than at home. Andrew and his wife Kathy, decided that it would be good for Andrew to start taking Andi to his shop with him after school, to give them something to do other than fight other kids from their school at the park.

Andi was reluctant about going to work with Andrew at first, why bother bonding with people that were only going to get sick of you and ship you off to another family? Andrew was determined though and encouraged Andi’s artistic side, first with getting them to try and copy designs before entrusting them with the responsibility of tracing designs up ready for him to tattoo. Andi was getting into less fights and looked forward to going to the shop after school and even started going in on the weekends sometimes.

When Andi was 12, they got into a particularly bad fight at school, one of the worst ones they’d had, Andrew had to close the shop and pick Andi up from school as Kathy couldn’t get away from work. Andrew had to take Andi back to the shop with him, he had a client booked in for the afternoon. At the shop Andrew decided enough was enough and that he needed to find out why Andi got into fights and why this one was so bad. Andi broke down in tears, terrified of being passed on to yet another family but Andrew was persistent, he and Kathy had been discussing approaching Andi about adopting them, Andi revealed that they weren’t a girl, they weren’t a boy either, they were just them and they’d been trying to get people at school to call them Andi saying it was a nickname but this kid was really horrible about it and kept calling them by the name on their birth certificate and stressing the girl aspect of it. After that Andrew understood why Andi struggled so much, that Andi was having to be someone they weren’t. He couldn’t change their gender on their birth certificate but he could make it so he and his wife called Andi just that, Andi. He could also go into the school and have the name on the register changed. Andi had the support that they never thought anyone would give them.

On Andi’s 13th birthday, they were presented with adoption papers. They were officially part of the Lee family.

Shortly after the adoption, Andi approached their parents and asked if they could make it so they could change their surname so it would also be Lee. It was her their mom who suggested that while they were at it, they get Andi’s name legally changed to Andi.

The only people that know Andi’s dead name are their parents.

Andi is incredibly close with their parents but especially their dad. After graduating high school, Andi began to work at his shop as his apprentice, their natural talent for art combined with what they had learnt about tattooing while helping out after school meant that they took it like a duck takes to water. It helped that they’d spent the last two years practicing how to setup the machines, break them down, clean them and had even tattooed on synthetic skin.

Tattoo conventions were one of their favourite things. It was a time for them and their dad to go be in their element together and have a weekend away. Tattoo conventions held a very special meaning to Andi, it was the first convention after they were adopted that their dad gave them their nickname ‘AJ’, “I know you’re not an Andrew, but you’re still my junior”. AJ is a name that only people incredibly close to Andi get to use.

From 18 to 25, Andi worked at their dads shop, building their own reputation, gaining awards from conventions around the country and even a few internationally, all the while saving to launch their own shop so that their dad could retire in a few years and they’d be able to take care of her family the way they had done for her.

Andi’s talent continually blossomed and soon they found themselves booking high profile clients. It started small at first but it boosted their reputation in a way they couldn’t have anticipated. They had to move shop location to a larger premises in order to hire some other artists and had a station specially dedication to their dad for when he decides to do a guest spot.

Andi has appeared in several tattoo publications, both as an artist and a model.

Andi is incredibly active. If they’re not at the shop, there’s a good chance their out skateboarding, boxing, playing basketball, soccer, rock climbing, anything and everything. Andi isn’t afraid of the unknown and is forever trying new things whenever the opportunity presents itself.

[aftgficlibrary]

best fics of 2018?

This is so subjective so some of our staff are gonna put our 2018 favs here below!!

Cassy

This is my favorite fic ever and the author just started updating it again so im in tears all the time 

i’m here right now (just be here right now with me) by Talls (M | 27,606 | 3/7)

Neil first meets Andrew with a racquet to the stomach in a locker room when he’s eighteen. Andrew first meets Neil with a hushed conversation on a beach in California when he’s five. They still manage to meet on rooftops, fall in love, find family, and heal together, just not quite at the same time and definitely not in the same order.

(In other words, Andrew is the Time Traveler’s wife.)

This fic is so soft and pretty

Translation Errors by SensationalSunburst (Not rated | 3,127 | 1/1)

“Andrew doesn’t love me,” Neil said simply, “So if he has a love language, I don’t know it.”“Oh, honey.” Allison drawled, “You don’t actually believe him when he says he hates you, do you?”

Lucky by sunrise_and_death (T | 4,328 | 1/1)

At thirteen, he’d lived in eleven different cities, gone by as many different names, and seen his reaper twenty-eight times. Some people would have called him lucky.

Live Once More (This Time Will Be Better) bypurpleeyesandbowties (T | 2,457 | 1/1)

Very carefully so as to not wake his roommates presumably sleeping off a night of regrettable choices, Andrew pulled a notebook towards him and opened to a fresh page to make a list. Two lists, actually. Changes to make and things to keep the same. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to sort out what was important.

To change:get off pillsno Kathy no Seth dying (Neil was upset)no Thanksgivingno winter at Evermoreno Baltimorekill Riko soonerkill Nathan myself

Keep the same:get Neil to the Foxes

Maz:

changing tides - titanic au by missbolton (M | Incomplete | 4/5)

When Nathaniel Hartford boards the RMS Titanic, it is a death sentence. He will be shipped to New York with his brutal father and his soon-to-be wife, Lola. There’s no escape.

Until he meets third-class artist Andrew Minyard.

if you’re lost you can look (and you will find me) by paleromantic (T | Incomplete | 5/?)

Neil Josten jerked awake, his cigarette falling from his fingers as he did. The frigid air bit at his arms, his neck, his face, but he didn’t notice, too busy looking around.

“What the fuck.”

or

Neil and Andrew wake up back in Millport, and get the chance to start over.

I’m Just Killing Time by thesaroscycle (T | 10,666 | 1/1)

He was sat in the most comfortable armchair in the back, the book in his lap closed but well-worn and dog-eared, one of the things that annoyed Bee to no end. His glasses sat on the table next to him, along with the hot chocolate Bee had made earlier in the morning that had gone cold. He stared out the window into a cloudless blue sky, squinting at the late morning sun and blurry trees. It was getting warm enough outside for the frost to melt on the grass, and late enough for people to start coming in. He couldn’t wish more for fall, when the sky would be gray and the chill would last all day rather than just early morning. Everything seemed to be holding its breath for the coming summer, for longer days and warmer mornings. Andrew couldn’t be less excited for summer; of all their town’s 70-degree-high summers, it was still hot enough for Andrew to melt in his stubbornly consistent black wardrobe.

Paper Skies by exybee (T | 4,662 | 1/1)

Andrew’s a quiet librarian who treats his library much like how he treats his person. He spends his time searching for the color blue in hopes of finding something real, but when he meets Neil Josten, he finds that maybe blue isn’t the only thing out there.

Or, Neil’s a kaleidoscope of colors, and Andrew gets a lesson in self-care.

Atlas:

Honey, we should run away by allyasavedtheday ( T | 8,836 | 1/1)

“We’re moving on soon,” his mom says casually as she’s plating up their food. As if it’s an inconsequential detail and not something that rocks Neil to his core.

“Why?” he asks, keeping his voice calm and measured like she taught him to do if he was ever taken.

“We’ve been here too long,” she says like it’s obvious, setting down a plate of pasta in front of him.

“It’s only been ten weeks,” he can’t help pointing out. Ten weeks with Andrew. Ten weeks that aren’t enough.

“That’s over two months,” she retorts, neatly spearing a piece of pasta with her fork. “Two more weeks and we’re leaving. Just as soon as I have everything organised.”

*

Andrew and Neil meet when Neil is on the run with his mother.

Show Me How You by smokesprite ( Not Rated | 6,825 | 1/1 )

“They thought they would stop the show; they thought they could cut the act, but Neil had been sulking around too long now to not know where all the necessary equipment was. He was a ghost, and he would do the ghost dance, goddammit.”

Neil is a ghost with a house to haunt, but the Moxie Foxy Burlesque Troupe refuses to be chased off. If you can’t beat em…join em.

Aaron:

stay as long as you need by lolainslackss (T | 2,955 | 1/1)

The soulmate timer counts down to your soulmate’s death. Apparently, Andrew’s soulmate doesn’t have long to live.

Oh, Catastrophe by TheKingIsDead (witch_lit) (T | 1,447 | 1/1)

Aaron and Katelyn are at a concert and Aaron can’t shake the feeling that the drummer is familiar.

it’s a long way down byionlyloveyouironically (T | 6,506 | 1/1)

The sound of rushing water, the moon overhead, bare feet on a muddy riverbank, and a weeping woman reaching a dead hand out. 

Scout

A Mewment Like This by fuzzballsheltiepants (T | Incomplete | 9 Works)

tenuous by undertow (cendal) (M | 7,431 | 1/1)

Neil Josten is trying to learn to be a normal person. He has an apartment and a cat. He goes to therapy every Wednesday. He has friends and attends their study group regularly. He eats lunch with his best friend’s brother.The hardest part is letting people in, but he thinks that one day he’ll get there.Series: Part 1 of all of me wants all of you

The Continuing Adventures of the Nine-Nine by gluupor (G | Complete | 10 Works)

A series of short, ridiculous, mostly plotless stories featuring the Foxes as the cops of the Ninety-Ninth Precinct.

Back to the Start by fuzzballsheltiepants (T | 29,277 | 11/11)

Andrew has been on his pro team for 6 months when he takes a ball to the head. Neil flies to Boston to see him - only to find that Andrew doesn’t remember him.

Rachel

Funky Happenings with the Fox Family by dobbypussypopper (Not Rated | Incomplete | 17/?)

naughtygayweedcrime: did I rlly just see neil say woke

naughtygayweedcrime: what a surreal timeline we live in

dumbfool: allison is trying to teach me how to meme so I can get hip

naughtygayweedcrime: bless your poor soul

davidwymack: sometimes I regret living

davidwymack has muted exyllent, damnwilds, + 7 others for 30 minutes

The Real Folk Blues by moonix, nefelibata (E | 42,365 | 4/4)

Captain David Wymack and the bounty hunter crew of the Bebop spaceship might be a little out of their depths chasing down the infamous hacker and notorious runaway Neil Wesninski, whose bounty exceeds even Kevin’s wildest dreams. Worst of all, Andrew might actually enjoy it.

/Graphic Depictions of Violence

a world alone by ephemeralsky (T | 54,850 | 6/6)

“It will not be cheap,” Andrew finally says.

“I know,” Wymack says. “Two bottles of Johnnie Walker sound good to you?”

“Four,” Andrew says without missing a beat. He thinks about having to deal with Nicky later on, about the additional work he has to do, and decides that he will not do anything for less.

“Three,” Wymack argues.

“Four or we have no deal.”

Wymack mutters something about blood-sucking hooligans under his breath before he concedes with a, “Fine.”

(or: a High School AU where only some of them are high-schoolers)

[bloojayoolie]

Bloods, Church, and Clock: LIG 70% 12:10 ADD MEMORY OPH ADD PHOTO SHARE THIS TRIBUTE JOSEPH A HELLER, JR 1937 - 2019 Obituary Obituary of Joseph A. Heller, Jr. Joe Heller made his last undignified and largely irreverent gesture on September 8, 2019, signing off on a life, in his words, "generally well lived and with few regrets." When the doctors confronted his daughters with the news last week that "your father is a very sick man," in unison they replied, "you have no idea." God thankfully broke the mold after Joe was born to the late Joseph Heller, Sr. and Ruth Marion (Clock) on January 24, 1937 in New Haven, CT. Being born during the depression shaped Joe's formative years and resulted in a lifetime of frugality, hoarding and cheap mischief, often at the expense of others. Being the eldest was a dubious task but he was up for the challenge and led and tortured his siblings througha childhood of obnoxious pranks, with his brother, Bob, generally serving as his wingman. Pat, Dick and Kathy were often on the receiving end of such lessons as "Ding Dong, Dogsh*t" and thwarting lunch thieves with laxative-laced chocolate cake and excrement meatloaf sandwiches. His mother was not immune to his pranks as he named his first dog, "Fart," so she would have to scream his name to come home if he wandered off. Joe started his long and illustrious career as a Library Assistant at Yale Law School Library alongside his father before hatching a plan with his lifelong buddies, Ronny Kaiser and Johnny Olson, to join the Navy and see the world together. Their plot was thwarted and the three were split up when Joe pulled the "long straw" and was assigned to a coveted base in Bermuda where he joined the "Seabees," Construction Battalion, and was appointed to the position of Construction Electrician's Mate 3rd class. His service to the country and community didn't end after his honorable discharge. Joe was a Town Constable, Volunteer Fireman and Ambulance Association member, Cross walk guard, Public Works Snow Plower and a proud member of the Antique Veterans organization. Joe was a self- taught chemist and worked at Cheeseborough- Ponds where he developed one of their first cosmetics' lines. There he met the love of his life, Irene, who was hoodwinked into thinking he was charming individual with decorum. Boy, was a she ever wrong. Joe embarrassed her daily with his mouth and choice of clothing. To this day we do not understand how he convinced our mother, an exceedingly proper woman and a pillar in her church, to sew and create the colorful costumes and props which he used for his antics. Growing up in Joe's household was never dull. If the old adage of "You only pull the hair of those you love" holds true, his three daughters were well loved. Joe was a frequent customer of the girls' beauty shops, allowing them to "do" his hair and apply make-up liberally. He lovingly assembled doll furniture and built thema play kitchen and forts in the back yard. During their formative years, Joe made sure that their moral fibers were enriched by both Archie Bunker and Benny Hill When they began dating, Joe would greet their dates by first running their license plates and checking for bald tires. If their vehicle passed inspection, they were invited into the house where shotguns, harpoons and sheep "nutters" were left clearly on display. After retiring from running Bombaci Fuel, he was perhaps, most well-known for his role as the Essex Town "Dawg Kecher." He refused to put any of his "prisoners" down and would look for the perfect homes for them. One of them was a repeat offender who he named "A**hole" because no owner would ever keep him for very long because he was, in fact, an daily a**hole. My Dad would take his buddy on rides in his van and they'd roam around town with the breeze blowing through both of their fur He never met a dog he didn't like, the same could not be said for the wanna-be blue bloods, snoots and summer barnacles that roamed about town. His words, not ours. Well maybe not exactly his words as those would been much more colorful. Joe was a frequent shopper at the Essex Dump and he left his family with a house full of crap, 300 pounds of birdseed and dead houseplants that they have no idea what to do with. If there was ever a treasure that he snatched out from under you among the mounds of junk, please wait the appropriate amount of time to contact the family to claim your loot. We're available tomorrow. Joe was also a consummate napper. There wasn't a road, restaurant or friend's house in Essex that he didn't fall asleep on or in. There wasn't an occasion too formal or an event too dour that Joe didn't interrupt with his apnea and voluminous snoring. Besides his beloved wife, Irene, and brother, Bobby, Joe was pre-deceased by his pet fish, Jack, who we found in the freezer last week. Left to squabble over his vast fortune, real estate holdings and "treasures" are his three daughters Michelle Heller (Andrew Bennett) of Newton, MA, Lisette Heller (Lenny Estelle) of Ivoryton, CT and Monique Heller (John Parnoff) of Old Lyme, CT. He relished his role as Papa and Grampa Joe to Zachary, Maxwell and Emily Bennett, Megan, Mackenzie and Ryan Korcak, and Giovanna and Mattea Parnoff and hopes that he taught at least one of them to cuss properly. Left with decades of fond and colorful memories are his siblings Pat Bedard of Madison, Richard (Pat) Heller of Oxford, and Kathy Heller of Killingworth, sisters-in-law, Kathy McGowan of Niantic and Diane Breslin of Killingworth, and 14 nieces and nephews. No flowers, please. The family is seeking donations to offset the expense of publishing an exceedingly long obituary which would have really pissed Joe off. Seriously, what would have made him the happiest is for you to go have a cup of coffee with a friend and bullsh*t about his antics or play a harmless prank on some unsuspecting sap. If we still haven't dissuaded you and you feel compelled to waste your hard-earned money to honor his memory, donations may be sent to: Seabee Memorial Scholarship Association, PO Box 667, Gulfport, MS 39502. A celebration of his life, with Joe laid out in all his glory, will be held on Thursday, September 12, at the Essex Fire Department, 11 Saybrook Road, from 4-7. A light dinner will be served as Joe felt no get-together was complete without food. None of his leftovers or kitchen concoctions will be pawned off on any unsuspecting guests. Feel free to be as late as you'd like as Joe was never on time for anything because of the aforementioned napping habits. Joe despised formality and stuffiness and would really be ticked off if you showed up in a suit. Dress comfortably. The family encourages you to don the most inappropriate T-Shirt that you are comfortable being seen in public with as Joe often did. Everybody has a Joe story and we'd love to hear them all. Joe faced his death and his mortality, as he did with his life, face on, often telling us that when he dropped dead to dig a hole in the back yard and just roll him in. Much to his disappointment, he will be properly interred with full military honors (and maybe Jack) next to his wife on Friday, September 13, at 10:00 am in Centerbrook Cemetery. The family is forever in debt to his neighbor, Barry Peterson, for all of his help in recent years. We couldn't have done it without you. Sorry, Mom, Lisette and I did the best we could to take care of him and keep him out of your hair as long as we could. Back in your court now. Add Condolence THURSDAY 12 SEPTEMBER GET DIRECTIONS VISITATION 4:00 pm - 7:00 pm Thursday, September 12, 2019 Essex Fire Company

[sounmashnews]

[ad_1] Debate over which well-known faces ought to seem on the nation’s forex has reignited, with two devoted followers campaigning in a determined try to get one Aussie icon into our wallets.Principal petitioners Vincent Wu and Kirby Miles have began two separate petitions in a bid to characteristic “crocodile hunter” Steve Irwin on the $5 be aware.Their objective is to have the Australian conservationist, wildlife professional and TV persona’s portrait characteristic on the bottom worth be aware against that of King Charles III.And their hopes might grow to be a actuality after Assistant Treasury Minister Andrew Leigh revealed that the brand new king might not essentially substitute his mom on the $5 be aware in the way in which new cash will characteristic him.Mr Leigh knowledgeable reporters in Canberra earlier final month that the monarch would characteristic on Australian cash “as a matter of tradition”. However this isn't the case for the nation’s pink and purple be aware. “The decision to include the Queen’s face on the $5 note was about her personally rather than about her status as the monarch so that transition [to Charles on the note] isn’t automatic,” he mentioned.This probably means the door is huge open for recommendations on who ought to make the subsequent look on the $5 be aware. According to the Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA), the $5 paper financial institution be aware was first issued in 1967, that includes Sir Joseph Banks and Caroline Chisholm.A portrait of Queen Elizabeth II was then launched in 1992 on the nation’s first $5 polymer be aware. This was then upgraded in 2016, that includes the identical picture nevertheless was up to date for safety functions. A fourth version of the $5 be aware was the Federation banknotes which had been circulated to commemorate Australia’s Centenary of Federation in 2001, that includes Sir Henry Parkes and Catherine Helen Spence. So far, Mr Wu and Mr Miles’ petitions, that are listed on Australian Parliament House website, have gained a collective 42 signatures. “The death of Queen Elizabeth II and the proclamation of King Charles III raises an important question about the future of Australian currency,” Mr Miles acknowledged below the petition cause subheading.“We propose keeping all existing $5 notes featuring Queen Elizabeth II in circulation and introducing a new $5 note honouring Australian zookeeper Steve Irwin.”Mr Wu added there was nobody “more vital to Australian culture” than Steve Irwin.“Steve is beloved by all and has become synonymous with the Australian values we hold so dearly,” Mr Wu mentioned.“He epitomised the spirit of mateship; he deeply loved the Australian wildlife, working hard towards conservation and education but perhaps most importantly he’s just a good bloke.”Irwin died in September 2006 after being pierced within the chest by a stingray barb whereas filming within the Great Barrier Reef. This isn’t the primary time the late wildlife activist has been nominated to characteristic on Australia’s forex.Six years in the past, one other fan took to vary.org to help the thought of getting Irwin characteristic on the $100 be aware.That petition attracted greater than 31,000 signatures nevertheless it wasn’t sufficient to switch Sir John Monash or Dame Nellie Melba who at present seem on the $100 be aware.Irwin isn’t the one Australian icon up for consideration, with many taking to Twitter to share their aspirations for the $5 contender.Among the Aussie legends being mentioned for the highest spot are Kylie Minogue, Dame Edna, Anne Edmonds, Olivia Newton-John, Bert Newton, Shane Warne, Kathy Freeman and even Luke Hemmings from band 5 Seconds of Summer.The limitless prospects of who might substitute the Queen on the be aware has amassed dialogue on-line, even attracting worldwide consideration. “Hi I’m American, can we replace Andrew Jackson on our money with Steve Irwin? We love him too,” one worldwide fan tweeted. “My day would be better and I’d have a good day seeing Steve smiling back at me,” commented one other.

Meanwhile if a Sydneysider might have his method, he suggests updating the nation’s cash to incorporate The Wiggles on 50 cent items, AC/DC on 20 cent items and “Bunnings snags” on 5 cent items. For these keen to point out their help for Steve Irwin on the $5 be aware, Mr Wu and Mr Miles’ petitions are open for one more 25 days and shut at 12.59am on October 27. [ad_2] Source link

[vintage-story-time]

Mom Gets It On by Kathy Andrews

Chapter 3

"You like Lori Layne, don't you, honey?"

Joey looked up at his mother. He was sitting on the floor of the family

room, reading a comic book. "What makes you think that, Mother?"

Sandy smiled at him, feeling affection for this young son of hers. He

looked so much like his father with his brown, straight hair, his sharp,

almost piercing eyes. He was still small for his age, but she was not

too worried. Rob had not gained height until he was older, then he shot

up almost overnight to his present six-foot-two.

"Mothers can always tell, honey." She smiled at him. "What I want to

know is why you can't find a nice girlfriend your age. Isn't Lori a bit

old for you?"

"I don't go out with girls," he said, wondering what his mother was

getting at. "You won't let me, remember?"

"But if you must like a girl," she said, "why don't you choose one

younger. Lori seems a bit experienced."

"At what?" Joey wanted to know, puzzled. "She's good in school, if

that's what you mean."

"I mean, darling," Sandy said, "that she has boys hanging around her all

the time."

"Sure," her son answered. "She's popular, that's all."

Sandy smirked. "I can guess why."

A faint flush came to Joey's face. "Aw, Mother. Lori isn't that ... I

mean, she don't ... Aw, come on, Mother!"

"Then you understand what I'm talking about?"

Joey blushed a deep pink, burying his face into the comic book. Sandy

had not wanted to embarrass him. This was not the idea she had in mind.

Her plan had not formed completely yet. It was still only a foggy idea

in her head, but since her experience last night she was determined to

try something.

Ever since Rob had gone to the office this morning, she had tried to

come up with some hard and fast way to present her husband and son with

what they desired. But she really did not know Lori, only well enough to

say hello to when she saw the girl. It was odd, she thought, that her

previous feeling of jealousy was gone. All she felt now was the desire

to give her husband and son what they wanted--Lori Layne.

Sandy wished she knew more about the girl. All she knew for certain was

all the boys, and most of the men, were panting for her tight, curvy

little ass. She didn't know if Lori had ever been fucked, what the

teenage girl's sexual desires were. That was an important element in her

vague plan, a most important element. Since her knowledge was limited,

she was going to have to take things as they came up, develop them,

improve upon them.

Another important element was Joey. It was very obvious that he wanted

Lori, but had her son really been with a girl, fucked a girl? He was

awfully young. Well, she thought, young or not, his interest in Lori's

cute ass is plain. But, she also thought, a young boy can easily turn

his interest toward any girl who is available and willing. He might, at

Joey's age, fall head over heels in love with a girl, but if another

came along, waggling her ass in his face, his cock would stand up and

after her he would go. He may still want to fuck the first one, but, in

the meantime, he would fuck whatever girl was handy until he got his hot

little hands on his first love.

Sandy went into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. Taking

it back into the family room, she sat on the couch next to where her son

was leaning. Her knee was against his shoulder. She wasn't exactly sure

what she was going to do, but something was leading her, something that

was so powerful that she found it impossible to disobey her impulse.

There was a thrilling tingle between her thighs as an idea formed in a

vague way, and she gazed at the top of her son's head, her eyes almost

blank, not really seeing him. Her tits were beginning to swell, her

nipples turning into hard, rubbery tips, pressing against her blouse.

Her cunt was bubbling in a hot, liquid way, and the cheeks of her ass

became quite tight.

Hardly thinking, Sandy placed her coffee cup on the end table and

slipped to the floor, sitting next to her son. Her skirt, of course,

came up high on her thighs as she scooted from the cushions. She did not

shove it down. Instead, she drew her knees up, her feet flat on the

floor. She looked over his shoulder at the comic book, and her hand

rested on her son's thigh. She could feel Joey trembling, and she was

amused to know that he realized something was going to happen but was

still puzzled.

"I'm as pretty as Lori," she whispered softly, close to his ear. "Don't

you think I'm as pretty as she is, honey?"

"Sure, Mother," he mumbled.

Sandy stretched one thigh out, running her hand up and down. "My legs

are as smooth and slender as her's, aren't they, Joey?"

"Yeah, I guess," he gulped, afraid to look at his mother.

"You're not looking at them, darling," she said, her voice suddenly

thick. "Look at my legs and see if they are as nice as Lori's."

Joey glanced quickly, then pulled his gaze away. His cock was very hard

inside his pants, and he was trying to conceal this from his mother. But

Sandy saw the way his prick bulged up, and her breathing increased. She

pressed her shoulder against his, her breath hot on her son's neck and

cheek. Although Joey had his knees drawn up, she could see the outline

of his cock through his pants, his prickhead angled toward his chest.

She ran a hand up and down his thigh, then around to his back. She

caressed his thigh, moving her hand slowly toward his ass. Then, holding

her breath as excitement began to rumble through her, she slipped her

fingers through his thighs and brushed along his cock and balls.

Joey didn't move except to tremble. His face was very red now, and Sandy

realized he was gasping, trying to control his breathing so she wouldn't

know how excited he was. She moved the tip of one finger up and down his

cock, feeling the hardness, thrilled at the way his prick throbbed

against her fingertip.

Sandy placed her lips close to her son's flaming ear and whispered in a

throaty voice, "I look as good as Lori, honey. My legs are as pretty as

hers, and you want to know something? I don't tease a boy like she does,

Joey."

She closed her fingers about her son's cock, giving his prick a squeeze.

Her son trembled visibly, and he had stopped breathing. He was not

shocked, nor afraid, only surprised and intensely excited.

"I wouldn't tease a boy, darling," Sandy murmured softly into his ear.

"I don't like girls who tease that way. It isn't good for a boy to get

all hot like that. It can be horribly painful, I understand."

Joey was breathing again, but in a panting way. He stared at the comic

book, his hands shaking so badly the pages rattled. Sandy squeezed his

cock again, then pulled at his zipper. When she pressed his legs out and

down, he did not resist.

Sandy slipped her hand into his pants and very gently felt of his cock.

His prick was very hard and hot, and she pulled his cock out slowly, her

lips kissing at his neck now. Looking down at her son's cock, Sandy

mewled with pleasure. His prick was not as large as his father's, of

course, but his cock was beautiful to her. The prickhead was swollen,

almost a light-blue color, and he was dripping from his piss hole. The

cockshaft was extremely hard, about four inches long.

She ran her fingertip up and down his prick, then over his smooth

cockhead, circling his piss hole. Joey shuddered with intense pleasure,

and when his mother closed her fist around his cock and began to jack up

and down very slowly, he moaned.

"Do you like this, honey?" she whispered. "Does it make you feel good?

Do you think Lori would do this for you? Would she please you this way,

Joey?"

Still flushed, but no longer with embarrassment, Joey watched his

mother's fist pumping on his cock. He had become so excited, and this

felt so good, he couldn't feel embarrassed. His mother's hand on his

cock was tight and hot, hotter, even, than his own fist. He sneaked a

look at her thighs, and thought he could see the crotch of her panties,

but just barely.

Sandy's cunt was burning hotly between her thighs as she stroked her

son's cock. She writhed her ass against the floor, taking her son's hand

and bringing it up, curling his fingers about one swelling tit.

"Feel that, Joey," she whispered. "Feel my tit. It's bigger than Lori's,

isn't it? Would she let you feel her tit this way, honey, or jack you

this way?"

Joey didn't reply because his throat was dry, his lips dry. He licked

them, looking at his mother's thighs from the corner of his eyes shyly.

When she dropped her hand from his, he still cupped her tit. He could

feel her nipple pressing into his palm, making his hand itch.

"She wouldn't do these things with you, Joey," Sandy continued. "There

are many things that she wouldn't do for you because she probably never

heard of them. But me ... I know what makes a boy feel good. I can make

a boy feel real good! I'd do things Lori never dreamed of doing with a

boy!"

She pulled his hand down from her tit, slipped it along her thigh,

finally shoved her son's hand between her thighs. She spread her legs

out and curled his fingers into her bubbling crotch. She pressed Joey's

hand tightly against her pantied cunt, hearing him gasp loudly.

"Doesn't that feel good to you, honey? Isn't it hot between my legs?"

Sandy squeezed his cock harder, and her fist jacked faster. "You can put

your hand inside my panties if you want ... feel me up, darling! I love

it when a boy feels me up! I bet Lori wouldn't let you feel her cunt

like this."

Joey, now so excited he would do anything, slipped his hand of his own

free will to the waistband of his mother's panties. He ran his hand down

inside them, and felt the curling hairs of her cunt. Eagerly now, his

fingers moved downward and slipped along the puffy, wet lips of her

pussy.

"Oooo, Joey!" Sandy whimpered hotly. "That's nice, your hand in my

panties, feeling me up! Play with my cunt, darling! Play with mother's

pussy ... feel my cunt!"

Joey looked into his mother's face for the first time since this started

and saw the sparkling heat in her dark eyes. Her fist was very, very

tight on his cock, jacking him in a way he had never jacked himself. He

felt as if he would come if she kept that up.

"That's right, baby!" Sandy mewled. "My cunt! That is your mother's

pussy you're feeling! Call it anything you want, whatever excites you

best! Call it my cunt, my pussy ... twat ... snatch! Call it anything

you want to call it!"

Joey stammered: "C-c-cunt!"

Sandy laughed with pleasure. "That's it, Joey, cunt! Mother's cunt! It's

a hot cunt, a very hot cunt, baby! My pussy is much hotter than Lori's,

I'd bet. I bet my cunt can do things her little pussy never heard of!"

"Mother," he said, no longer stammering, "can I stick my finger in you?"

Sandy laughed again, a low, husky sound. "You sure can, Joey! You can

stick your finger up my cunt!"

She spread her thighs as wide as she could. Joey moved his hand down,

cupping her hairy pussy. His middle finger pushed against her puffy

cuntlips, then his finger was inside his mother's pussy.

"You're real wet and hot, Mother!" he said, his eyes wide and blazing

with excitement. "You're sure wet!" "That's because I'm so aroused I

want something in me, Joey," she explained. "A cunt gets nice and wet

when a girl wants to fuck!"

"Do you want to fuck, Mother?" he asked, his voice thick with desire.

"I love to fuck," she whispered.

"I mean, do you want to fuck me?"

"Would you like to fuck me, Joey?" she asked, a grin of wicked pleasure

on her beautiful face. "Would you enjoy fucking your mother?"

"Can I?" he asked, excitement making his voice tremble. "Can I really

fuck you, Mother? You'll let me put my cock in your cunt and fuck you?

Really? You're not teasing me, are you, Mother?"

"Didn't I tell you I never tease a boy?"

"Gosh!"

Sandy turned loose of his cock and quickly jerked her skirt to her

waist. She sat back up on the couch, her ass hanging over the edge of

the cushions, knees wide. She leaned back, pulling the crotch of her

panties to one side, exposing her hairy pussy to her son's hot eyes. She

ran a finger up and down the side of a puffy cuntlip.

"Come on, Joey," she said, writhing her ass. "Put your prick in me! Put

your sweet cock in my cunt and fuck me! Fuck me good and hard! I love a

hard, fast fucking!"

Joey was on his knees between his mother's thighs, his eyes wide and his

tongue running about his lips. His mother's cunt was the most beautiful

thing he had ever seen in the world, and the sight made his cock jerk up

and down in a way his prick never had before.

Sandy, holding the crotch of her panties far to the side, used her other

hand to take hold of his cock and bring him to her pussy. She could see

his swollen prickhead brush at her hair-rimmed cuntlips, pleasure

shooting through her body, sending her into a shivering delight. She

rubbed his cock up and down her cunt, feeling the smoothness of his

prick against her pussy lips. She smashed his dripping piss hole against

her distended clit, bringing a bubbling coo of ecstasy from her throat.

"Oooo, Joey, Joey!" she gasped. "That feels good, doesn't it! Doesn't my

cunt feel good against your cock? Ohhh, your prick is so hard ... and I

love the feel of your cock smashing my clit this way! Oh, honey, honey,

this is going to be so good, so goddamn good! You're going to love my

cunt, baby! You're going to love mother's hot, wet, hairy cunt ...

fucking that sweet cock of yours!"

Holding the base of her son's cock, Sandy pulled him slowly forward.

"You watch, Joey! Watch your cock go into mother's pussy!"

He gazed down with hot eyes, seeing the head of his prick sink into his

mother's hairy, heated pussy. Sandy stopped for a moment, placing her

hands on his hips. She moved her ass slightly up and down, and more of

his cock entered her cunt.

"See, Joey?" she panted. "See your hard, sweet cock going into mother's

wet pussy? Watch it, honey, watch my cunt suck your sweet cock all the

way inside!"

She pulled at his hips, and Joey's eyes became larger as he saw his cock

sink all the way in. The cunt hairs of his mother's pussy pressed

against his open pants, and he felt as if his cock had been placed

inside some boiling liquid. Her pussy was squeezing his cock, flexing on

his prick the same way her hand had been doing a few minutes earlier.

The feeling sent a tremble of pleasure racing up and down his spine.

Sandy worked at his pants while his cock was buried in her pussy. "I

want your pants down, Joey! I want your pants down! Ohhh, I want to feel

your balls against my ass!"

He helped her, shoving his pants to his thighs. Now he could see his

mother's cunt hair against the base of his cock, mingling with the few

strands he had. Again she held his hips.

"Hold my legs, baby," she instructed. "Hold my legs ... close to my ass!

Hold them, because I'm going to start fucking you!"

Joey knelt between her thighs, feeling them close against his naked

hips. Then his mother began to bounce her hips up and down, and he

watched his cock move in and out of her pussy. He didn't move. He was

afraid to move. He thought if he moved his cock would come out, and he

didn't want that to happen.

Sandy whipped her ass up and down, writhing and wiggling, fucking him,

her cunt sliding back and forth on his cock. She loved the sensation his

cock gave her as her pussy rode his prick.

"Oooo, Joey, Joey!" she wailed, slamming her ass up and down, her hands

gripping his hips. "I'm fucking you, baby! Mother's cunt is fucking the

hell out of your hard, sweet cock! Watch it, honey! Watch my hairy cunt

fuck that nice prick of yours! Ohhh, doesn't this feel good! Doesn't my

hot cunt make your cock feel good? Ahhh, baby, baby ... wonderful! So

fucking wonderful!"

Sandy loved the expression of sheer ecstasy on her son's face. He could

not take his eyes off the way her hairy cunt was fucking his cock. His

eyes were wide, but filmed over with intense pleasure, and his mouth

hung open as he gasped and panted for breath. His fingers were digging

into her hips now, his body almost rigid.

"Do you like this, Joey? Do you like mother's cunt? Doesn't my cunt make

your cock feel good? Can you feel your balls touching my ass? I love it,

baby! I love your balls touching my ass ... your cock up my cunt ...

fucking you! Oh, I love it so fucking much!"

Joey could feel himself close to coming, and he clung to his mother's

hips wildly. She swung them about, up and down and sideways, so fast

that he was afraid his cock would slip out of her before he came. Sandy

understood the expression on his face, and she could feel the way his

cock was throbbing inside her steaming cunt.

"You want to come, darling?" she asked in a puffing voice. "Do you want

to come off?"

"I think I ... I don't think I can stop it, Mother!"

"Don't stop it, baby!" she squealed loudly. "Don't try to stop it! Let

it go ... come! Come in my cunt! Ohhh, I love it when a hard cock is

gushing all that sweet, thick come juice up my cunt! Squirt your come in

me, Joey! Let me feel you coming off in my pussy! Come, honey, come!"

Her hips danced and jerked, bouncing furiously, her twitching cunt

flexing on his cock. She could feel an orgasm boiling away in the pit of

her stomach, and she knew her climax was going to be a fantastic one.

"I'm about to come, too, Joey!" she shouted, swinging her ass about.

"Your cock is about to make me come, too! Ohhh, fuck it, fuck it, fuck

it!"

Joey's body was very rigid, almost board-like. His eyes gleamed

downward, seeing his mother's cunt race up and down his cock, her

panties still pulled to one side. Sandy's fingers dug into his naked

hips as she fucked her pussy wildly on his prick. She was panting in a

labored way now, her body shaking violently.

"Ooooo, there!" she wailed. "I'm doing it, darling! I'm coming! Oh, God,

am I coming! My cunt is exploding ... burning up! I'm coming, Joey! My

pussy is coming! Feel it ... feel mother's cunt ... coming! Hurry, hurry

and come with me, baby! I want your cock shooting off ... squirting up

my hot, hot cunt! Come, Joey ... come in me, in my pussy!"

"Uh, uh!" Joey grunted, his hips arching forward to stab his prick as

deep as he could into his mother's flexing cunt. "I'm coming, Mother!"

he shouted in a tight voice. "I'm coming!"

Sandy, through her convulsions, felt her son's cock swell and lurch

inside her pussy just as her orgasm was ending.

"Oh ... oh ... oh!" she grunted in surprise. "Darling! Joey! Baby! Oh,

I'm going to come ... again! Ohhh, honey, shove harder, deeper! Oh, my

God! I'm coming again! Ohhhh, so good, so fucking good! I'm coming

again, Joey!"

Joey's cock burst, flooding thick come juice into his mother's steaming

cunt. The spasms were so strong, his body shook. Sandy's thighs closed

tightly about his hips, her own hips not pumping now. Her orgasm was so

powerful she could only lie there, her head against the back of the

couch, her pussy gripping his spewing cock by reflex. She shook almost

as badly as her son, and every nerve in her body seemed to be vitally

alive.

"Ooooo ... Ohhhh!" she moaned softly as her orgasm rumbled through her.

"Ahhhh, good! Ohhhh, so fucking good! I love it ... love it so fucking

much! Oh ... oh ... ohhh!"

Joey became very weak, and he slowly slipped from between his mother's

thighs, falling to the floor and sprawling out, his pants at his knees,

his shirt past his waist. When Sandy managed to open her eyes and look

down at her son, she fixed her gaze immediately upon his revealed cock

and balls. His prick glistened with the moisture of his come juice and

the wetness of her cunt. His balls were loose and slack now. There were

perhaps thirty or forty curling hairs at the base of his cock with a bit

of light-colored fuzz.

Slowly, she sat upright, watching his chest move up and down rapidly.

She dropped to her knees near him, reaching for his balls. She cradled

them gently in her palm, then leaned down and kissed them. Joey's eyes

popped wide open, staring down at his mother.

"Mother, what are you doing?"

"Oh, baby," she crooned. "You look so good, lying here with your pants

down, I couldn't help but kiss your sweet balls."

Then, before Joey knew what was going on, Sandy began to quickly run her

tongue about his cock and balls, tasting their combined wetness. She

opened her lips and sucked her son's cock into her mouth, pulling up on

his prick with a strong suction. Then she went down again, sucking on

his cock, her tongue fluttering about his seeping piss hole.

"Gosh!" she heard him grunt.

"Mmmmm!" she whimpered.

"You like doing that, Mother?" she heard Joey ask. "I mean, with your

mouth?"

Sandy sucked off his cock and cupped his prick in her hot hand, looking

into his eyes. Her own eyes shined happily as she nodded her head. "I

love to suck on a cock, darling. Why did you ask? Why don't you just lie

there and enjoy it?"

"I thought ... Gosh, Mother," he said, his face red again. "I mean, the

guys say some girls do that, but I didn't believe it. I thought it was

just a bunch of shi--lies."

Sandy laughed. "It isn't a bunch of shit, Joey," she said softly. "Most

girls will suck a guy's cock off for him. That is, most girls that I

ever knew."

"Then it's true? Girls do suck cocks, Mother?"

"This girl does ... and she loves it!" "I wonder--" Joey started to say,

then stopped. "What do you wonder, darling?" she urged, squeezing his

cock and bails in her palm. "Tell me."

"Mother, do you think Lori will suck a cock?" Sandy stared at her son.

So, she thought, he still wants that teenage cunt. She had just given

her son the first fuck of his young life, fucked him better than any

teenage girl could ... and all he could think of was Lori. For a moment,

she felt jealousy flare inside her again, but the feeling went away

quickly.

"Didn't you enjoy fucking me, Joey?" she asked, turning loose of his

cock and balls. "Wasn't my cunt hot enough for you?"

"I loved it, Mother!" he said. "I really loved it! I've never fucked a

girl before. I was just wondering if Lori did it, that's all."

"Of course Lori fucks, Joey," she said. "With her looks and all those

boys sniffing around her ass, it's obvious she fucks."

"But do you think she would suck a guy's cock, Mother?"

Sandy looked at his young face, seeing the excitement he felt for the

young girl. "Joey," she said slowly and softly. "I would bet my last

dime on it. Lori is sure to be a very good cocksucker."

[seenashwrite]

Dearest Nash, I've touched on this before in (I believe) in a discussion re: why some mainstream fics get oodles of notes while more original ones do not, *but* I wanted to get a bit more specific here. There are certain writers here whose writing has a definite vibe to it (if you will) that separates their work from others, and your name is one of the first that comes to mind. Bear with me, because trying to detail what makes your writing stand out is difficult while trying to articulate a Q

^ this is a gif with parts 2 - 4, just FYI

Hmmm… this is a bit of a brain buster. But I can answer it, and I think succinctly, maybe with a touch of that Spidey sense you mention:

Thank you for your inquiry, hope that helps! 

I kid. But this is a brain-turner. And a characteristic which, like you say, ain’t limited to me. I’d honestly throw comedians under this umbrella, too, not because I’m necessarily gunning for a laugh every time, but because it’s pretty much their job to take a “basic” (a tenet or fact of life or present reality or whatever) and present the observation with a twist. I think of storyteller comedians specifically, your Patton Oswalt-s, Maria Bamford-s, Kathy Griffin-s, and John Mulaney-s.

So if I can sum up, assuming I’m tracking with you, what you’re more or less driving at with the “how” is this –> Is there anything beyond simply personality, or an auto-pilot thought cascade (for lack of better terminology) that contributes? Are there things someone could do/be proactive about, to perhaps cause this same sort of reaction to happen in their brain?

I think there just might be.

Folks reading this, let me ask you a question, and you cannot look it up:

What was the name of the Sherpa guide who led Sir Edmund Hillary up Mount Everest?

.

.

.

His name was Tenzing Norgay.

Nash, what in the name of the frozen corpse of George Mallory does this have to do with Lion’s question?

I shall tell you.

My father told me that fact when I was quite young, so young I legit couldn’t even ballpark my age for you. The context was that having little facts tucked away in your brain may come in handy. Not in a Jeopardy kind of way, more in a conversational way. I’ve no idea why the man thought the Sherpa guide who led Hillary up Mt. Everest would ever come up during a conversation with enough regularity to justify my knowing that fact (aside from him randomly quizzing me throughout my life) but hey, I guess it just did.

But speaking of Lil’ Nash, the situation for her was that she was the eldest of all the Nash litter by miles… like seven or eight years, I’m not bothering to check. So I had a lot of alone time, and my grandmother was my chief babysitter, so prior to kindergarten and then til I was in about second grade (so: all day long during the week, then every weekday after she picked me up from school), I was pretty much always at her house. Yeah, there were toys, but not a lot to do. And I’d read. I’d been reading on my own for a decent while, not because I was some prodigy but because my dad read to me *constantly* when Lil’ Nash was Itty-Bitty Nash, and it “took”. My mom also, every time she went to the grocery store always - and I mean always - brought back a book for me. It might’ve been an Archie comic—-

Mandatory #fuck the CW’s Riverdale tag

—-or a Babysitter’s Club, or Sweet Valley High, Judy Blume, Madeleine L’Engle, Zilpha Keatley Snyder, you get my point. Some small paperback. It would piss Dad off because he’s a cheap bastard and two buck books once or twice a month were really gonna cut into the savings [eyeroll] but also, in a way, because I’d kill it in a half day/a day. Wouldn’t put it down. After awhile, I started writing my own silly little kid stories, then - and this is where the creative writing love came about -  I started writing soap operas for my Barbies. (When I was older - like, 5th grade? 6th grade, maybe? - none of my peers were still playing with Barbies, and I got made fun of when, at a sleepover, they saw my stash. And I was like - No, no, no. Those aren’t for playing. That’s my cast.)

Time went on, and when I was bored at post-church lunch/dinners, I would also read the old encyclopedias at my grandmother’s, the ones from the late ‘60s/early ‘70s that she had for my mom and my aunt. As I got even older and became fascinated with rooting through the boxes in gran’s basement, looking at all the cool old clothes, I stumbled upon my aunt’s collection of Whoa-Hooooo Shit There’s No Way My Grandparents Knew You Read These books. Those kinda Harlequin-esque ones, except my aunt’s tastes run close to mine, none were the same shtick with different covers, shmultzy-sappy romance, there was always some sort of intrigue along with the sexy times, and she also had, like, every legit V. C. Andrews (meaning: not the ones from the ghostwriter, this was way before her death) book.

What is my point? I read a LOT. Now-a-days, other than fanfic (which… straight up: I don’t read a lot of that, either. I peace out on probs 80% of it before the third-to-fifth paragraph. It’s gotta sell me fast, yo) I haven’t read fiction in probably, oh…. 12 years? I think the last ones were the first couple Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Wait, no! I lie! I read the 50 Shades books when I was traveling 2x/wk for a job about 4 years ago, and I needed the laughs. It worked. Oh my days, that woman can’t write. The screenplay might’ve been worse, it goes her, then Buckleming, then everyone else. It’s bad. In any event, past decade or so, it’s more historical stuff and true crime and science stuff and all that old fart jazz.

Okay, so that’s #1: Read. And not just anything, be well-read, and that doesn’t mean developing some level of expertise, by “well” I’m saying to cover the spread. You’re building your tool kit, is all. You won’t use most of it, but it’s nice to have options. You also don’t always have to get this stuff from reading now-a-days, because podcasts. Cover the spread there, too. Lemme look at my bookmarks…. 

[Spongebob narrator voice: A few moments later]

I’m back. Science - Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe; General current stuff without being news - CGP Grey’s Hello Internet; current events with shittons of pop culture, past and present - Greg Proops’ Smartest Man in the World; fun history stuff - The Dollop; entertainment stuff - How Did This Get Made.

#2: Keep a notebook with you and jot down turns-of-phrase that spark something in your brain - things you read on websites, on twitter, in articles, things you hear people say (real life, TV, movies, podcasts), and write it. Don’t snap a pic with your phone or make a note in your phone. There are studies behind this, I’m not hunting them down, you’ll just have to trust me, but there are, and it goes to being reflexive, a brain “muscle memory” thing, if you will. You’re not doing it to plagiarize, you’re doing it to dissect it, kind’ve like you did with the example you gave on me —> went from punch action to punch spiked with booze to a punch with a spiked gauntlet.

Which leads to #3: Mental dictionary. I have a large vocab repository, and it stems from the tons of reading - I stop and look up stuff if I either don’t know it, or it’s used in such a way that I think they’ve got it wrong and want to double-check that maybe there’s another usage I don’t know - and also stems from a drive to combat the (still fairly thick) deep South drawl I can’t kick, and not for lack of trying. But see, I couldn’t have whipped out that progression if I weren’t aware that one definition of “spike” is “to add alcohol to”, or of the common shtick in stories of spiked punch like at high school proms typically, or knew about the existence of spiked gauntlets / old school armor. 

And I guarantee you that a good chunk of people didn’t really “get it”, and just thought “Nash Be Nashin’, that nutty gal”. So they “get it” on that level, but don’t Get. It., if you see what I’m saying. And that’s fine. Maybe it got something cranking in the back of their mind and it’ll hit ‘em in the middle of the night, or they’ll be watching Game of Thrones or something, see a gauntlet and be like “Oh goddamnit, I just got a throw-a-way one-liner from three years ago” and have a chuckle.

Related, re: looking stuff up and things that people “get”? I didn’t know fuck-all about Twilight, but it seemed of import to the folks around 5 years younger than me, the Nashlings wouldn’t shut up about it, so I got a good working knowledge of it. Same with Harry Potter, and through it I got to “know” J.K. Rowling, who I find to be an exceptional writer, so that was great, and I’ve watched the movies for the most part over the years at Christmastime, and I don’t give the first shit about what “house” I’m in, nor do I care about what Patronus I’d fart, but I have a working knowledge of what those are, and horcruxes and who Snape and Voldie are, you get my point. I can keep up. But to do it, I had to take the time to look it up. One thing I would not trade for gold is Michael Sheen chewing the goddamn scenery in that battle segment from the last Twilight movie. Have I watched the movie? No. But that scene is the shit. And that baby CGI is horrific on several subtle levels. And not-so-subtle. I’ve digressed.

Back to those notes: So if you’ve got these notes jotted, you might see something else and think “I feel like that could’ve been snappier…. why do I think that….” And you’ve got a resource at your disposal, that little notebook. Hell, jot that thing down - things you think could be done better. I have in many documents a highlight around chunks of scenes for my big dog story where it says in bold above or below “DO BETTER”. Meaning: there’s a better way to get from A to B, but I’m just not quite there yet. I’m pretty quick on the uptake and can crank out something snappy on the fly (like say, in CASPN chat or when banging out a short reply or thank you note) but there’s definitely times I gotta slap a DO BETTER on it and walk away til that snappy something-or-other light bulb goes off. 

Here’s a recent one where I backtracked, matter of fact - that noir spoof thing I wrote? Along with my co-writer, Moscato? There was a line that I couldn’t hit with a good zinger, so I just said moments were going by like a fat hamster on a wheel, which is cute, but not really grooving with the setting/the vibe. Less tipsy, when I was correcting some inelegant formatting and a misspelling [sigh], I went “Oh! Why didn’t this occur to me last night? Right. Wine.” So the line is now about moments dragging like a rolling donut with a copper on its tail. Get it? The cop’s a fat ass. The donut-cop stereotype.

…….Fine, it ain’t my best, but it fits better. Moving on.

And this leads nicely into #4, and a specific tip I can impart - assuming you’ve got a passable-to-high level of vocabulary in your tool belt, practice messing around with making nouns into verbs, and twisting random stuff into descriptors and using bizarre words/things in metaphors/analogies. Like, I say “adulting” quite a bit. Ali - @littlegreenplasticsoldier - I thiiiink was writing recently about Sam being drunk, and he’s a tall wobbly Jenga tower on his last Jenga. Going back to the noir, pulpy detective style, try messing with the whole “S/he was like a ___ that ____”. Add on to stuff that’s well known - He was like a dog with a bone, if the bone was a ____ and he was a ____ and we were in a ____. (I have *nothing* in mind to fill those blanks, by the way, feel free to twist it into sumpin’)

What else…. okay, here’s a #5: In drafts, let yourself wander, and see what kicks out. It can be fueled by silliness or anger, but I don’t reckon you’re gonna get the “snappy” you’re aiming for if you’re down in the dumps and going full-court-press angst. The best stuff, IMO, comes from the space in between goofy and pissed, and that is The Land Of Snark. You can always re-style it to bend more dry or wistful should you need to, certainly, depending on the situation.

Have a sample of a primo Nash Digression that was fueled by ire in a recap from Season 12 (episode 19). I had said - RE: the random inclusion of the character Joshua, which still pisses me off because they burned a character that held massive potential for future stuff as he’d been shown to be the only angel with direct access to Chuck, so, y’know, that could never come in handy, like ever again in the series, right? - the following.

Mandatory pre-emptive #fuck Dabb

[Spongebob narrator voice] A few moments later —> 

On god, I have no idea where that came from, and here’s where we go back to ol’ Spidey up there, because end of the day?

All that other stuff’s the foundation, sure, but there’s always gonna be the weird iggy, the thing that can’t be learned or taught, whatever the quirky synapse is that fires off in my/our brains. In my experience, it’s an ADD-ish sort of jam mixed with the Nostradamus effect. Meaning, (A) we’re at Level 10, rapid fire thought processing >50% of the time, and (B) throw out enough stuff for long enough, some of it’s going to stick. And I whiff it plenty. Multiple times in CASPN chat I’ve been like “Whoo, tough room” when something falls flat.

A specific example: @mrswhozeewhatsis - and I think you saw this, but anyone else seeing this may not have - gave probably the most fantastic analogy I’ve seen regarding the whole “getting it” thing, and while it was on the topic of meaty plots that get too far into the weeds (my specialty) and how it can lessen appeal to a broader audience, it still applies here. 

She said “Sometimes, when I’m reading something of yours, I feel like there’s a joke I’m missing. It’s like watching Spaceballs without having seen Star Wars.” I say that to say - nobody’s gonna land references that cover the spread 100% of the time. And, y’know, fine. I figure maybe it’ll prompt someone to do a quick google for - well, let’s use Spaceballs. Most folks will no doubt get the Star Wars part, but maybe not Spaceballs. Maybe they’ll check it out, find something they enjoy. Or learn a new word. Or get a brainstorm for a story. Who knows?

Last tip: Don’t actively mimic anyone’s style. Much fail. And I don’t only mean because if they’re on a social Venn diagram with you, would likely recognize themselves in your stuff——

Takes a moment to wave to the peeps still trying with me! #bless your hearts

—–but because it’s fucking hard. I did it broadly on the noir thing, that’s not a hard thing, to homage generalities, but the way I’m messing with doing this on that silly Princess Bride series? Purposefully styling it like Goldman? It’s good  challenging and all, and it is making it feel more in the groove with the book/movie, but I have to be in the right frame of mind or it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard, and when I have pushed it, then gone back, it’s sloggy, soggy garbage.

I say all that to say: it’s an amalgam of brain-wiring/personality, and world/life perspective(s), and knowledge acquired over time. The first just is; the second will evolve in myriad ways, maybe for the better, maybe for the worse; the last is the one where you/we have control, we can fill bucket after bucket of information, and the well won’t ever run dry.

Sorry this took so long. I kept adding and subtracting. This is the edited version, if you can believe it. Welcome to Nash Brain. 😉