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babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

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DIWK - Chapter nine: “Fuck it, I love you”

Word count: 8,2K

Summary: (Y/N) is struggling with her feelings for Spencer, and being just her friend might be harder than she thought. Spencer feels everybody but (Y/N) knows he is in love with her, and for a second, he is sure he will lose her.

Warnings: Cursing, angst frustration, mention of S03E09 (Penelope), usual Criminal Minds content.

A/N: Hello my dearest friends! hope you are having a great week, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. All feedback is welcome!

Masterlist

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Since Rossi joined the team, we were as busy as we had been in a long time. We didn't have much free time, and most of the cases took us out of Virginia. But, it was our job, and we all liked it, which is why none of us complained much. No one but JJ, who still tried to keep her relationship with Will a secret.

On the bright side, all that traveling and working with the team got us even closer. Having Rossi there gave us a boost to be better at what we did and be even better friends. We had to spend a lot of time together, and by the look in David's eyes, you could tell he was surprised by how good we all got along. At least most of the time.

We were in Florida trying to find an unsub who kidnapped and mutilated women when it happened. After knowing them for over two years, Garcia and Morgan had a fight. A real fight.

- "Hey, how is it going with Father Marks? Any of the volunteers jumped out at him?"- I asked Morgan when I found him at the station after a long day trying to find a lead that might take us to the unsub or the victims.

- "Not yet"- my cellphone rang that second, and Garcia's voice at the other side of the line gave me more info on the case.

- "I'm still running the particulars of our homicides though vicap. Nothing so far."- she announced.

- "Ok. I just sent you the volunteer search list"- I walked from Morgan and sipped my coffee, feeling there was something off.

- "Ok. And I'm cross-checking the names against mental institution records."

- "Pay attention to individuals who were involuntarily committed in Florida. Rossi is convinced our unsub is the type that likes to stick close to home."

- "Got it. Talk to you later."

- "Wait, PG. You usually call Morgan about these kinds of things. Is everything ok?"- I whispered though I knew Morgan was paying a lot of attention to what I was talking about on the phone with Garcia.

- "God, I hate profilers"- she groaned at the other side of the line.

- "Come on, tell me."

- "Fine. I met this guy in the coffee shop I go to every day. His computer crashed, and I helped him fix it. He flirted, I flirted, and he asked for my number, and somehow I gave it to him 'cos he was incredibly hot and nice, and did I mention he was smoking hot? I didn't think he was going to call, but he did, which was surprising 'cos these things do not happen to me, sweet cheeks, never! But it did! And when I told Derek, he just told me I have to blow him off 'cos it's too weird."

- "What!?"- Penelope spoke so fast she didn't even breathe.

- "Yes! Just because he wouldn't hit on me doesn't mean another hot guy wouldn't! And he made me feel like I don't deserve anyone's attention."

- "I'm gonna kill him,"- I whispered and turned around. Derek wide opened his eyes and shrugged, not getting what was going on.

- "Don't. I'll take care of him when you guys come home."

- "Well, take care in the mid-time, and I'm here if you need to talk."

I hung down and sighed. Morgan looked at me, knowing I knew what happened between the two of them.

- "So?"

- "You fucked it up,"- I whispered and smacked his shoulder.

- "Is she furious?"

- "She's hurt. That's actually worse."- Derek sighed and shook his head.

- "What do I do?"

- "You mean, other than to apologize?"- I walked with him to get Hotch and tell him what Garcia had just informed us- "Think big, 'cos you really fucked it up."

- "What does Reid do when he fucks things up with you?"- Morgan asked, and I could sense the innuendo hidden in his words.

- "He doesn't do a thing, 'cos he never fucks up"- I answered with a pleased smile and turned to Hotch. It was time to catch a killer, not time to argue with Derek.

I always thought Morgan and Garcia were the greatest friends I had ever met. I could envy their relationship, especially 'cos they could be so flirtatious and so adorable, and at the same time, you knew their friendship was sacred.

I envied that. I don't think Penelope felt for Derek the way I felt about Spencer. That's why I was sure I had fucked it up. I didn't have to catch those kinds of feelings for my best friend, and I felt I had to find a way to get rid of them. I had to stop having a crush on Reid.

Those weeks had been challenging and yet amazing. It was awful knowing I had a crush on my best friend, but I was really enjoying all the time we were spending together. We had been sharing rooms for the last two cases, and that meant endless sleepovers with Spencer. After a long day, we would meet in our room and just share candies, ice cream, pizza, movies, whatever we needed to decompress.

If things had been too hard, I would lay with him on his bed and just cuddle for a while before going back to my bed. More than once, I fell asleep with him, feeling his fingers playing with my hair as he read. I always apologized the following day, but Spencer kept saying he didn't bother, that he had slept well and that I could always count on him whenever I felt bad.

Knowing I had never done that with Mikey or Frank more than a handful of times in all the years we had met each other made me feel like the shit. Sure, I could sleep in the same bed with them, but not the way I did with Spencer. This felt intimate. Serious. Real. Waking up in Spencer's arms was the best way to start my day, and each time it happened, it made me feel worst and worst 'cos I didn't want to ruin the best friendship I ever had over a silly, stupid, meaningless crush.

Each time it happened, I promised myself it would be the last one. And each time I did, I ended up falling into his arms again. It never meant anything sexual. It was just sharing a bed, cuddling. Holding each other. It was all the intimacy I always refused to share with other people. And I guess that's what freaked me out the most: how vulnerable I was with Reid and how much I enjoyed it for the very first time. Ever.

- "Hey,"- I heard Spencer whisper when we landed. I was curled up on his chest on the couch on the plane, as usual after a long case. I scratched my eyes, probably messing with my makeup, and smiled at him.

- "Sorry... you must have been awfully uncomfortable."

- "Not really. Besides, you looked like you needed a good nap,"- I chuckled and shook my head, sitting down correctly.

- "Next time I drool on your jacket, please wake me up,"- I collected all my things and took a look around- "What time is it?"

- "Almost midnight,"- he announced and stared at me as he held his go bag and put on his jacket- "Do you want to grab something to eat before you go home?"- and I nodded, thinking that was exactly what I had in mind.

But life had other plans, and this time it had nothing to do with us. We were about to get out of my car to catch a late dinner when I got a call from Hotch telling me Penelope was in the local hospital. Spencer's cell phone rang at the same time, and JJ announced the same. We looked at each other for a moment, scared of the worst, and all we managed to do was to get buckled up and drive to the hospital. We both needed to know Penelope would be ok, but all we knew was that she had been shot, and the doctors were doing all they could to save her life.

As soon as we reached the waiting area, we met Aaron and JJ. They looked as worried as we were.

- "She's in surgery,"- JJ announced, and I hugged her immediately- "There's no word."

- "This is crazy,"- Spencer whispered as I felt JJ's arms tighten around me.

- "I can't believe it! I talked to her before we took off."- I murmured and closed my eyes.

- "What do we know?"- Rossi asked, walking over in a hurry with Prentiss.

- "Police think it's a botched robbery,"- Aaron explained.

- "Where's Morgan?"- Emily asked, looking around the hall.

- "He's not answering his cell,"- JJ replied, and Spencer took his phone right away.

- "I'll call him again."

I looked at him as he walked away and turned to my friends. Emily and JJ were doing their best to stay strong, but it was clear they were fighting the tears back, just as badly as I was doing.

Spencer walked back and shook his head. He couldn't reach Morgan. I walked to him and rested my head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. It was unreal. I felt I was in a nightmare, and I couldn't wake up, no matter how much I tried.

- "They can't give me an update,"- JJ walked over to us after half an hour. She had been trying to get more info about Penelope's condition, but nothing.

- "Morgan's phone just keeps going straight to voicemail,"- Spencer added, and Prentiss's angry voice nearly made me jump.

- "Where the hell is he?!"

Nearly two hours later, Spencer finally contacted Derek, and in less than half an hour, he rushed into the hospital and found us still waiting for news about Penelope. He ran over, shocked and confused, and looked at us, waiting for an explanation.

- "She's been in surgery a couple of hours."- JJ whispered as soon as he stood by our side.

- "I was at church. My phone was off,"- he explained and mostly tried to excuse himself for not being there earlier.

- "There is nothing you could have been doing here,"- Reid whispered, trying to make him feel better. Spoiler: it didn't work. Morgan was getting more and more hyperventilated with every second he spent in that hospital.

- "The police got any leads?"

- "I spoke to the lead detective. He doesn't think we'll get anything from the scene."

Hotch spoke in the calmest voice he had. Morgan was about to say something but bit his tongue. Instead of yelling, he walked around the hall for a few minutes until a doctor approached us.

- "Penelope Garcia?"- and we all nearly yelled "Yes" as a desperate reply.

- "The bullet went into her chest and ricocheted into her abdomen. She lost a lot of blood. It was touch-and-go for a while, but we were able to repair the injuries."

- "So what are you saying?"- JJ questioned as we all held our breath.

- "One centimeter over, and it would have torn right through her heart. Instead, she could actually walk out of here in a couple of days. And I'd say that's a minor miracle."

The way we all sighed, relieved at those words, was priceless and unbeatable. The doctor smiled at us and added.

- "She needs her rest. You can see her in the morning."

- "Thank you,"- I smiled at him, and he was gone. I turned around and looked at Reid. He cut me a short smile as Hotch's voice caught our attention.

- "David and I will go to the scene. I think the rest of you should be here when she wakes up. I don't care about protocol. I don't care whether we're working this officially or not. We don't touch any new cases until we find out who did this."

We all nodded right away. No one had other plans. And after those words, Hotch and Rossi were out of the hospital, and we were left waiting for Penelope to come back from surgery.

- "How are you?"- Reid whispered and handed me a new cup of coffee.

- "Scared. You?"

- "Me too"

- "Who could ever want to hurt Penny? She is adorable,"- I murmured and shook my head.

- "We are gonna find whoever did this"- Spencer held my hand and cut me the warmest smile. I nodded and looked at Derek, who stood up from his chair for the hundredth time and walked to Penelope's room to see if she was ok.

- "In case we ever fight, I want you to know I will always forgive you,"- I murmured in Spencer's ear and rested my head on his shoulder.

- "Should I be worried?"- he asked me, and I just shook my head.

- "I just wanted you to know that you will always be my best friend, Spencer Walter Reid. No matter what happens between us."

And I meant every word back then. I had no idea what was coming ahead and how much things would change within a few months.

Spencer's point of view

The attack against Penelope hit us all hard. She had been shot by the same man who had invited her out for dinner. The one she and Derek had had a fight about.

Of course, Morgan was the one who was more affected by the whole situation. I tried to comfort him, and he nearly killed me. I knew Derek didn't mean to be mean. He was just losing it and feeling overwhelmingly guilty about everything going on. He was in hell, and you could tell. I didn't want to think what it would be like to be in his place. If anything ever happened to (Y/N) and I wasn't there to help her, I would go crazy. So I understood how Derek felt and did my best to be supportive.

Those days also made it pretty evident Rossi was still shocked we were such close friends and team members at the same time. I know he was friends with Gideon, but the fact our friendship surprised him so much made me wonder how close they really were.

It didn't get better when we were all asked to stop working on the case after Hotch found an encrypted file in Garcia's system, and she ended up suspended. That's who we found out how the FBI had recruited her.

Morgan and I were at the hospital with Penelope when Hotch gave her the news and heard the story of her hackers days. Something that I bet she didn't really want us to know about her.

- "After my parents died, I... kind of went off the rails for a while. I dropped out of Cal Tech. I lived underground, basically. But I kept teaching myself code. It was like the one thing that kept me together. In the way, the bureau decided to keep an eye on me, I guess... Did you know they keep track of hackers?"

Neither Morgan nor I opened our mouths. We couldn't, 'cos we were processing the whole information.

- "They do, of the ones who have the skill to be either extremely useful or a potential menace."

- "So they offered you a job?"- I asked her, and she simply nodded- "Like Frank Abagnale. The bureau figured if you can't beat 'em, hire 'em."

- "Yeah. Something like that."

- "Garcia, what's on the encrypted file?"- Derek crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her, waiting to hear nothing but the truth.

- "I'm required to keep a record of everything the team does. And after my system got hacked and Elle got shot, I just didn't want anyone else to be able to get at you."

- "We'll talk to the doctor, see if he'll clear you to leave,"- I whispered and left the room, just in time to get JJ's call to announce we were officially off the case. It wasn't good, and it wasn't getting any better at all.

In a way, the fact we were all such good friends wasn't as beneficial to the case as it could be. It all came clear later that night. Penelope was attacked again, this time in her own house. Unfortunately, a cop was killed in the process, and if it weren't for Morgan, who insisted on crashing her couch that night, Penelope would have been dead too.

We were all at her house at three in the morning. We wanted to take her to the BAU and keep her safe, though we all knew it would be hard to explain to the authorities, all things considered. We were all just talking about what had just happened when Garcia started remembering more details about her date with her attacker, and we decided to ask more questions about it in case she could give us more info that might lead us to him.

- "Tell us about the car,"- I told her and sat in front of her.

- "Why?"

- "Just go with him"- Morgan smiled at her and nodded, trying to reassure her everything was ok. It wasn't, not even close.

- "You said it was white, 4-door, American. What else?"- I asked Penelope, but she shook her head, confused.

- "That's it. It was just a car."

- "No, come on, think. Anything. Go back."- Morgan held her hand. We could tell she was trying her best to cooperate, and he was making his best effort to be sweet and calm, considering he was losing it to catch the asshole who hurt her.

- "The seat belt was buckled behind his back. Why does that matter?"- and that was progress.

- "It wasn't a rental. It was for surveillance,"- Derek explained to her.

- "Agents don't wear seat belts. They need to get out in a hurry"- (Y/N) added and was about to add something else when Rossi walked across the room and sat in front of Penelope.

- "All right, let's cut the crap. You need to be straight with us. Right now!"- she wide opened her eyes in shock and turned to Morgan- "Look at me, not them!"- Rossi commanded.

- "I'm not hiding anything,"- Garcia whispered, astonished.

- "You got shot. Most people get shot for a reason,"- she tried to look at Derek again- "Eyes here!"

- "Ease up, Rossi!"- Morgan shouted when David raised his voice, scaring everybody in that room.

- "You got a roomful of people here willing to believe that an FBI agent has tried to kill you. We need to know everything you do on company time that we don't know about!"

Rossi yelled on her face, pushing her to tell the truth, and Garcia nearly started crying.

- "What?"

- "Come on, man!"- I guess we were all waiting for Derek to lose it and punch him.

- "It's nothing bad!"- Penelope yelled, and every eye in the room turned to her.

- "Spit it out!"- David pushed her again.

- "It's... I counsel victims' families, and they know where I work, so sometimes they ask me to look into cases for them."

- "What does that mean?"- Rossi frowned and kept his eyes on hers.

- "It just means that the cases, the unsolved ones, I tag them, so whoever's investigating them knows that the FBI considers them a priority."

- "You're not authorized to do that"- Hotch's voice was as severe as kind, which surprised us all. Rossi the most, I guess, 'cos he stood up and turned around.

- "I know. I was just trying to help."- Garcia whispered, fighting the tears back.

- "But whoever's working those cases thinks you're watching them,"- (Y/N) said in a softer voice, probably to explain to Garcia how the whole situation had ended up with her being shot.

- "I just wanted to put pressure on them so that they don't slide,"- Penelope excused herself.

- "How many cases are we talking about?"- Hotch asked.

- "I don't know. 7, 8 maybe. I need to get into my system."

- "You can't. You're suspended,"- Hotch reminded her, though it sounded more like "you are grounded."

- "Wait a minute,"- Morgan interrupted the conversation- "Garcia, on your date, you said this guy was pressing you to find out if you were working murder cases. Hotch, we gotta look at those files."

Hotch looked at David, who was still as pissed as earlier. I don't think neither of us had ever seen him acting like it.

- "I told you, I'm sick of this jagoff being in front of us,"- Rossi said to him, and Aaron nodded.

- "Dave's right. We'll go back to the BAU. Morgan, Reid, (Y/N), Prentiss, you stay here and make sure no one forgets to log out of the system. Garcia should not have access."

We all stayed in her living room as Garcia walked to her room and hacked her own system. At the other side of the screen, Kevin Lynch, the analyst of another FBI department, was fighting back, trying to protect the files, and losing the fight after a few minutes.

Later on, (Y/N) explained to me that was how they met and finally how they fell in love. I guess everything happens for a reason, after all.

We didn't catch the bad guy that day. Instead, JJ was forced to kill him. It was the very first time she shot anyone, and surprisingly, she wasn't as shook up as we all imagined she might be.

- "You do whatever it takes to protect your family,"- she said when Penelope asked her if she was ok.

And she was right. That's how we all felt for each other at that point. And somehow, we all knew we were going to prove it, sooner or later.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I had been part of the BAU for almost three years already when it happened. And I felt so stupid 'cos we had all had a rough couple of weeks, and the last thing anyone needed was another worry. We had just gotten over the whole Penelope issue; having another member of the team injured was the worst thing that could happen.

But it did.

I got shot.

We were after our unsub. George Flemming. The bastard had killed four women in less than a month, convinced God had sent him to Earth to get rid of sin. We had been after him for two whole weeks until we finally got him. But I was stupid and reckless and didn't wait for backups. I wanted to catch that mother fucker, 'cos the way he had killed those women made me madder than I had ever been with an unsub before. That's too dangerous. You can't lose yourself in a case, 'cos you lose your objectivity. You risk your life every day in this job, but that specific day, I put mine on a silver platter.

We were supposed to wait for backup. I was just checking the perimeter, searching for the unsub. Spencer was with me, but he stayed behind for a second, trying to contact Garcia to run the plate number of a car we found hidden in a barn. I should have waited for him, but I couldn't stay still and do nothing when I heard a woman screaming for help. I had to run and try to save her. I wasn't going to let George kill yet another innocent woman and get away with it. He had to pay.

- "FBI! Freeze!"- I shouted as I walked into the last room of the house and found George holding close and pointing a gun at a woman who was covered in blood and bruises but still very much alive. Which, I must say, was a relief.

- "Stay away!! I'll shoot her!! I swear I'm gonna shoot her!!"

The unsub was sweating cold; he looked sick and weak. He looked like I could definitely take him down in a fight.

- "George! Put down the gun!"- I commanded and didn't move my eyes from him.

- "You put your gun down!"

- "I am sorry, George, but I can't do that!"- I answered- "Now let her go and put the gun down before anyone else gets hurt."

- "I don't have to listen to a whore like you! Who do you think you are? Giving me commands? You are evil!! Evil!"- he shouted, clearly losing control.

- "(Y/N), where the hell are you?!"- I heard Reid asking in the earpiece, and I just shook my head.

- "That's all you've got, George? Hiding women in the back of your house and threatening them with your gun? That makes your God proud?"

- "Shut up!! You bring disgrace to Earth! You should be punished too!!"- I took a step closer slowly and shook my head.

- "You are going to be punished, George. For killing innocent women."

- "Innocent? What makes you think they didn't deserve it?"

- "What makes you think you are the one to judge them?"

I kept my gun pointed at him, but I couldn't take a shot 'cos he grabbed the victim and kept her close to him, like a shield.

- "There's a special place in hell for whores like you!"- he announced, and suddenly, all I could feel was pain. There was a second gunshot, and George was down. I took a look around and saw Morgan still pointing his gun at him from outside the room, as Spencer and Prentiss ran inside, and he moved to me and held me close.

- "Medic!! We need a medic!!"- Reid yelled frantically through the speaker- "(Y/N)! How do you feel?"

- "I'm ok, honey bunny,"- I whispered in the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my entire life- He just shot my shoulder, nothing important.

But the way Spencer looked at me, I swear that no one has ever looked at me the same until this day.

- "Don't move!"- he commanded, though his voice was soft and gentle. Prentiss took care of checking George's body. He was clearly dead. She liberated his last hostage and helped her to the ambulance while Reid stayed by my side until a doctor appeared.

- "Why didn't you wait for me?"- Spencer asked as they took me to the ambulance.

- "She needed help"- that was all I could say.

- "Please, try not to talk,"- the paramedic commanded and got me into the ambulance, followed closely by Reid.

- "I'm coming with her."

My best friend wasn't asking for permission. He was informing the medical team he wasn't going anywhere else. And by the tone of his voice, it was clear no one was ever going to change his mind.

- "That was so stupid, chipmunk,"- Spencer whispered and held my hand in our way to the nearest hospital. The paramedics kept pressing my shoulder to stop the bleeding, and I just closed my eyes 'cos honestly, it hurt too much to process what was going on.

- "I am so sorry I wasn't there with you, chipmunk."

- "It's ok, honey,"- I mumbled- "You are right. I was stupid. This is my fault."

- "Please, don't talk,"- the paramedic commanded again, and I just shut up 'cos the pain was too much.

Spencer stayed by my side the whole time. After we reached the hospital, the paramedics took me to the ER, where a doctor cleaned my wound and took out the bullet from my shoulder.

It was a clean wound, and luckily, no arteries were hit. I just got some stitches and a sling, plus a few painkillers I really didn't want to take, 'cos after Spencer's experience with drugs, I was scared of painkillers.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered to the nurse who helped me get dressed and walked out of the room to find Spencer filling up the medical forms and Morgan and Prentiss waiting for me

- "How are you feeling, princess?"- Derek asked and caressed my cheek.

- "Like a virgin"- I sang the Madonna song- "Shot for the very first time"- and though Emily chuckled, Spencer didn't think it was funny.

- "I can't believe you think this is something to joke about!"- Reid frowned, upset.

- "Calm down, honey. I'm ok, I'm alive. It was just a shot on the shoulder."

- "Just? Just a shot in the shoulder?"- and Spencer freaked out- "Did you know some of the larger vessels of the human body run through the shoulder? The subclavian artery and vein, which by the way, are the basic blood supply to the upper extremity."

- "I'm sorry, honey bunny. I shouldn't have said that."- I whispered and tried to calm him down, 'cos I knew precisely the kind of man Spencer could be when he was mad and stressed.

- "The brachial plexus is also located in the shoulder, and it's the primary nerve supply to the upper extremity as well,"- he added and didn't take his eyes from the form he was filling.

- "I understand,"- I added, but he didn't stop.

- "You should also know that the shoulder is a very complex spheroid joint, and if it's injured, it can lead to lifelong disability."

I stood in front of Spencer and placed my movable hand on his chest. That forced him to stop writing and look at me.

- "I'm sorry I got hurt. It was a mistake. I didn't mean to make you mad at me or worry. I am ok, I am here, and I promise I won't do something as stupid and reckless as this ever again. Ok?"

Spencer looked at me and sighed. Morgan and Prentiss were still there by our side, and I had the feeling that stopped my friend from saying what was in his mind. Instead, he nodded and cut me a short smile.

- "Good. Can we go home now?"- I asked, and Morgan grabbed my bag immediately.

- "The jet is waiting, pretty girl. Let's go."

The flight back home was too long. It was only a four hours flight from Fargo to Quantico. But it felt eternal. Besides, I kept doing my best to act cool and in zero pain, in a poor attempt not to worry Spencer. Little did I know, no matter what, he would be worried sick anyway.

- "I was on the phone with Frank,"- he announced and sat in front of me with a cup of hot chocolate.

- "Please don't tell me you called to tell him I got shot,"- Spencer stared at me and cut me a short smile. I closed my eyes and groaned- "Did he go nuts?"

- "No, I started by telling him you were alright."

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and sipped the cup he had prepared for me just the way I liked it, even with the little marshmallows.

- "Your mom went bonkers, though."

- "You called my mom?!"- I shouted, and everybody in the team turned around and looked at us- "Why did you do that?"- Spencer looked at me surprised and frowned.

- "You just got shot, chipmunk. Of course, I'm gonna tell your mom!"

- "But she is going to overreact!"

- "She won't! We already talked. She said she'd stop tomorrow by your apartment to have lunch."

- "Tomorrow, I'll be at work for lunch,"- I frowned, and I swear I wanted to cross my arms on my chest, but I couldn't, 'cos... I have been shot.

- "You won't be back to work until next week,"- Aaron announced from his seat, overhearing the conversation.

- "But Hotch! I'm ok!"

- "Spencer is correct. You just got shot. Take the rest of the week,"- I groaned and frowned at my boss.

- "I can still do my paperwork."- I can't believe I was begging not to get days off from work.

- "You do realize most people don't argue when their bosses give them a few days off, right princess?"- Derek took off his headphones and asked, frowning.

- "But I'm not injured,"- I argued, but I knew I was losing that fight.

- "Chipmunk, may I remind you, you just got shot!"- Spencer looked at me, annoyed.

- "But I'm fine! Look at me! I can dance!"- I was about to stand up and do a little dance, but Reid stopped me. He literally grabbed my good arm and kept me on my seat.

- "It's Wednesday. You just have to stay home Thursday and Friday. And I'll be there, making sure you won't do anything stupid."

I looked at Spencer and groaned one more time.

- "There's no way out of this, (Y/N). You are hurt, and I'm gonna take care of you."

- "Will you cook?"- I whispered and pouted, defeated. And Spencer chuckled, blushing.

- "I will definitely call and ask for your favorite food"- I tried not to smile and shook my head.

- "Oh no, no. If you wanna take the lead and take care of me, you will have to do the whole job and cook, Spencer Walter Reid."- I teased him, and his cheeks turned blood red in less than a minute.

- "Fine,"- he whispered, narrowing his eyes.

- "I can give you my carbonara a la Rossi recipe,"- David said to Spencer from his seat- "Guaranteed to heal all wounds, and special to cheer up your girlfriend, kid."

Everybody stayed quiet at the same time. I wide opened my eyes, shocked, and looked at Spencer, whose cheeks were burning red.

- "She... (Y/N) is not my girlfriend,"- Spencer mumbled and avoided looking at me for a few seconds. Rossi chuckled and turned to us.

- "You call each other cute nicknames, you are always together, you argue like I did with my first wife..."

- "No"- I shook my head and did my best to ignore Derek's teasing comments and Emily's laughter.

- "Well, you could have fooled me,"- David smiled at me, and I didn't know what to answer. I frowned and looked at Spencer, who somehow was even more blushed than he had been a moment earlier.

- "I'm driving you, by the way,"- he whispered, and I didn't really have the strength to argue against that, so I just nodded and sighed.

Spencer's point of view

I thought I was going to die when I saw (Y/N) lying on the floor, blood coming from her shoulder. Time passed in slow motion, like a movie cliché. I ran to her, and I didn't know if the perimeter had been secured. I had no idea if the unsub was dead. I would have killed him myself if I hadn't been focused on (Y/N).

Then she smiled and assured me she was ok. But that wasn't enough for me. Her face was so pale, though her smile was shining bright. So I held her and called a medic. She was in pain, and I didn't know what to do to help her.

I held her hand the whole ride to the hospital and stayed by her side in the ER while the doctor cleaned her wound and put some stitches on it. Then I walked with her to the jet, and the whole time I made my best and biggest effort to stay calm. But once we were on the air, on our way back home, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I could feel the tears fighting their way out, no matter how much I tried to keep them inside.

So I did what seemed more logical and locked myself in the backroom. I needed a minute to put myself together again before I had to continue pretending I didn't nearly lose the woman I love that day. So I washed my face and let the water run through my fingers for a few minutes, trying to calm myself down. But I failed, and the tears started falling down my cheeks anyway.

I rested my back against the door and slowly slipped down to the floor until I was sitting, hugging my legs, crying my heart out.

I knew why I was crying. It was a weird mix of fear and relief. I was scared to lose (Y/N), and at the same time, relieved nothing terrible had happened to her. I had to convince myself it was all ok, that she was there on the plane with me, hopefully trying to get some rest.

- "Spence?"- I heard JJ's voice at the other side of the door, and I quickly stood up and washed my face saying, "In a minute." I looked at my reflex. My eyes were puffed, my cheeks were red. There was no way I could ever convince anyone I hadn't been crying.

- "Can you open the door?"

- "There's another bathroom, JJ,"- I said and closed my eyes.

- "I need to talk to you."

- "I'm kind of busy here..."

- "Spence, please"- she begged, and I gave up, only because I knew she wasn't going to leave me alone. No one at the BAU seems to understand the concept of personal space.

I opened the door and let her in. The bathroom was too small for the two of us, and I didn't want to think of all the teasing I would get from Morgan if he saw us locked in there. JJ smiled and handed me a cup of coffee. I just sipped it carefully, 'cos it was very hot, and looked at my hands, avoiding eye contact.

- "Why were you crying?"- she whispered and stood against the wall in front of me.

- "I wasn't,"- I lied, but she just raised an eyebrow, and I knew it was useless to deny it- "It was a hard day, and I needed to decompress somehow."

- "Was it because of (Y/N)?"- she simply asked, and I just nodded- "It wasn't your fault, Spence."

- "I should have been there. But I stayed behind, on the phone with Garcia checking the plate of a car that didn't even matter at the end."

- "You were doing your job, and so was she."

- "But I should have done my job better, 'cos something bad might have happened to her, and I would have never forgiven myself,"- JJ nodded and reached out for one of my hands. I tried not to look at her but failed.

- "Are you going to tell her how you feel?"

- "Telling her I feel guilty she got injured won't stop her from being reckless,"- but JJ shook her head.

- "No, Spence. I'm talking about you telling her you are in love with her."

I widened my eyes and stayed still, shocked, blushed. JJ cut me a short smile and probably tried to soothe me, 'cos I immediately got all defensive.

- "What... what are you talking about? I am not in love with (Y/N),"- I whispered and prayed no one outside that bathroom had heard her.

- "Spencer, there is nothing wrong with being in love. I actually think you two would make a cute couple."

- "No, JJ, no. I am not in love with her."

- "Spence, I'm not a profiler, but you are not that hard to read. I can see the way you look at her."

- "She is my best friend."

- "But you love her,"- JJ sentenced, and I just sighed- "It's not wrong to have feelings for someone, Spence. I am sure she feels the same way too."

- "We are just friends. That's it. Thanks for the coffee,"- I added and opened the door.

I walked out of the bathroom in a rush. To avoid talking with anyone on the plane, I called Frank and told him what had happened. I also asked him for Mrs. (Y/L/N) phone number and explained the facts too. She was so scared it took me a while to calm her down.

- "I'm going to stay with her tonight,"- I said and looked at (Y/N) at the other side of the yet. She hadn't slept at all, and I knew she had to rest.

- "Thank you, Spencer. I'll be in Virginia tomorrow. I'm visiting Phoenix in New York this week."

- "Don't worry, Mrs. (Y/L/N), I'll take care of her."

- "You are the sweetest man she could have met,"- she whispered before hanging down, and I couldn't help but wonder if she knew it too.

Apparently, I wasn't hiding my feelings for (Y/N) very well. If JJ could see it, maybe anyone else could. And after what Rossi said, I didn't know if I was busted or not. I didn't know anything. (Y/N) seemed to be as shocked as I pretended to be, so I guess I felt safe. But I knew I had to watch my back now.

Of course, planning to stay with her that night didn't make it easier for me at all.

- "I'm ok, honey bunny,"- she argued and sat carefully on her couch- "You don't have to stay here with me."

- "I'm sorry, chipmunk, but you were shot. There is nothing on Earth that's gonna make me leave you alone right now."

- "Fine, then help me take a shower,"- she simply said, and I widened my eyes. I know I even held my breath at that. I stared at her from the kitchen door, on my way to make her a cup of tea.

- "Well, in that case, I, I will do... I will do whatever you need to help you,"- I whispered and made my best not to stutter. She shook her head and sighed.

- "I was bluffing, honey. But I mean it, you don't have to stay and take care of me. I'll be fine. Just go home and rest,"- but all I could do was walk to the kitchen and put on the kettle.

- "I'm not going anywhere, so... how do you feel about that carbonara a la Rossi recipe?"

- "Spencer Walter Reid, you don't cook."

- "I do cook! Do you think I've lived on take-outs and coffee all these years?"

- "Hell yeah!"- she said and chuckled. She was right, though. I wasn't the best or more experienced cooker on Earth. But for her, I could try.

- "I tell you what. What if you take a bath and relax, I'll cook you dinner, and then we'll watch a movie? Anything you pick."

- "Anything?"- she raised an eyebrow and stared at me so sweetly and concentrated, I nearly stopped breathing. I didn't trust myself with an answer, so I just nodded and looked at her. Her cheeks were blushing, and that made me feel better. Clearly, she was relaxing at home. The color was coming back to her after being hurt. That was always a good sign.

- "Even my favorite chick flick?"- (Y/N) bit her lips and caught my full attention with that simple movement. I nodded again, not really thinking what she meant with "chick flicks." All I could think of were her lips and how incredibly soft they looked.

- "Even Pride and Prejudice?"- she added, and I nodded again.

- "It's an essential piece of literature. Jane Austen was an incredible writer,"- my voice was muffled, and her eyes were shining- "Did you know In 1802, in her late 20s, Austen briefly accepted a proposal from Harris Bigg-Wither, the younger brother of two of her close friends? She rescinded it the following day."

- "Yes, neither her nor her sister ever married"- (Y/N) added, and her eyes moved from mine, traveling around the room- "She believed that a woman shouldn't get married if she wasn't in love. She once advised her niece Fanny Knight that "anything is to be preferred or endured rather than marrying without affection."

Somehow, (Y/N)'s eyes were blurry with sadness all of a sudden. Her words stopped. I was tempted to hold her hands that rested on her lap but stopped myself. I was scared to give too much away, and that she suspected how I felt about her. I didn't want her thinking I was in love with her. Don't get me wrong, I was. I am. And I know I will always love her. But that night on that couch, I was afraid of her rejection and scared she might have stopped being my friend if she ever knew how I really felt about her.

- "Maybe you are right, honey,"- (Y/N) whispered and slowly stood up- "I'll take that bath after all."

- "Watch those stitches"- I quickly stood up too and just nodded, looking at her as she started walking towards her room- "I'll cook dinner meanwhile."

- "Thank you, honey bunny,"- she said and turned around just to cut me a small smile before disappearing into her bedroom.

I made my best effort with dinner. I followed Rossi's instructions to the letter. (Y/N) had a lot of food in her fridge. Unlike me, she actually cooked her own meals. She was right about me and the take-outs. I had never been a great cook, and I trusted my local Thai place with most of my dinners. But that night was different.

Pasta carbonara was pretty good, I must say. (Y/N) opened a bottle of wine, though I told her it was a horrible idea mixing drinking with the pain killers she was prescribed.

- "I am actually not taking them,"- she whispered and took a sip of red.

- "You had a major injure on that shoulder (Y/N)."

- "It's just five stitches, honey. I don't need those pills. I actually didn't even get them,"- she replied. I looked at her in awe, thinking she was way stronger than she even gave herself credit for.

- "In that case, you can have two glasses of wine and extra dessert,"- I stated, and she chuckled.

We ate in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I guess the two of us were pretty tired that night. It had been a long day, a long case, and though neither of us wanted to deal with it, we knew things could have easily gone wrong.

After eating, I cleaned the dishes and prepared a tray with a cup of herbal tea for (Y/N), a coffee for me, and two bowls of ice cream, and we cuddled on the couch to watch Pride and Prejudice. She whispered most of the lines and argued against Darcy for half of the movie. But by the end, she snuggled closer to me, and I wrapped an arm around her carefully, trying not to get near her shoulder at all. Her head was resting on my chest, and I could feel her sighing with each word that Darcy spoke.

- "What is it with you and this book?"- I asked her suddenly. She huffed and looked at me with a cut, short smile.

- "I don't know, but I've been obsessing with Darcy and Lizy ever since I first read the story. I guess the classic "fools in love" story is my weakness. How couldn't they see how much they loved each other from day one?"

My mouth fell open, but I didn't say a word. She just smiled and turned to the screen again. That was good. I didn't want her to see how flustered I was.

- "Darcy knew he loved her, but he tried to fall out of love with her, and she was completely blinded by her so-called "hate" towards him to deal with her real feelings."- (Y/N) added- "I know that's not a complex and complete study of the story but in a short version of the whole plot... I guess that's what's so endearing and addictive about it. Everyone has been Darcy or Lizzy."

- "I doubt most people can relate with having four sisters and an obsessive nervous mother who keeps forcing you to get married,"- I joked, and (Y/N) giggled.

- "You'd be surprised, honey,"- she sighed and snuggled closer. My hand played with her hair for a few more minutes until the end of the movie.

- "(Y/N)?"- I whispered when we were already in bed. I wore the pajamas I kept in my go bag and crawled into bed with her as soon as she asked me to sleep with her. Ee had done it before, it wasn't weird, and we were best friends.

There was absolutely nothing friendly with how I felt, though. But I had to put all those feelings in a box and hide them deep inside of me 'cos they were no good for our relationship.

- "What happens, Spencer?"

- "I just wanted to tell you... you scared me today,"- she sighed. We were already hugged, but she snuggled closer and kissed my cheek softly.

- "I'm sorry, Spencer. I'll be more careful, I promise."

It was such a simple promise, and I knew though she meant well, the job was always going to get in the way. Our lives were always on the line working at the BAU. And no matter how much we wanted to take care of ourselves, sometimes things were out of our control.

- "Promise me you'll be careful too,"- she whispered, and I leaned over to kiss the top of her head gently.

- "I promise I'll be careful, chipmunk."

- "Will you always come home to me?"- she whispered and sighed, dozing off.

- "Always. I love you so much, (Y/N)"- that last confession fell from my lips before I could even realize what I was saying.

- "I love you too, honey,"- she answered, her voice muffled against my chest.

I stayed still, trying to burn in my memory every second of that moment, 'cos I knew it was going to be one of my most precious memories until my last day.

–

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @muffin-cup @shilohpug @eternalharry @tvandfanfic

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962 @babebenhardy @meowiemari @archer561

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: June 9th, 2021

#Spencer Reid #Criminal Minds #Spencer Reid fanfic #spencer x reader #Criminal Minds Fanfic #Matthew Gray Gubler #Babymetaldoll writes #fluff #angst #Spencer reid fanfiction #DIWK #Series #Criminal Minds rewrite #Derek Morgan #Penelope Garcia #Aaron Hotchner #David Rossi #jeniffer jareau

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slashersins-abandoned · 4 years ago

Text

anonymous asked :

Hii! I love your writing so much 🥰 I was wondering if you could write something for Brahms Mikey Jesse & Thomas (and maybe poly!ghostface if you feel like?) when their pacifist soft s/o who they never kill in front of kisses their hands after they kill to protect her? I need some fluff in my life . Thank you!!

brahms

you knew brahms was a complicated man . prone to kindness , clinging to you constantly , begging for attention . prone to tantrums , destroying everything in his path , making the walls shake with his fury . prone to love , petting your hair , your face , whispering desperate words of affection . you never wanted to admit it , unable to think too long about how brahms was also very prone to violence . you were lucky , you’d heard of what happened in the heelshire manner before moving in . about a man being slaughtered , a nanny attacked and chased around like cat and mouse with the cat having an unfair advantage . you knew there were murders reported when people broke in . you knew brahms was capable . but you wer lucky . you never experienced it first hand .

the man must have been drunk . must have thought no one lived in the house despite the fact you put effort into making it look lived in . he must have been confused . that’s what you wanted to think when you heard the kitchen door be busted in . you made a mistake of not running to hide . no , you went to see what happened . it seemed you were just as unexpected as the intruder was , because he paused before taking after you like a bat out of hell , yelling and waving a wrench in his hand . you’d screamed , and brahms had nearly fallen as he clamored through the walls to seek you out .

brahms wasted no time in coming out of the walls , taking in the scene of some grimy intruder about to bring a wrench down on your prone form . he saw red . chest heaving and blood thundering in his ears as he ripped the wrench out of the man’s hands and used it to beat against the man’s skull . the intruder tried to put up a fight , he even tried reaching out to you for help , but you were too wide eyed , watching as brahms violently ended this man’s life for breaking into his home , for hurting his significant other . there was no mercy . and when brahms was sure that the man had breathed his last , he looked to you . and you saw no remorse in his eyes for the kill .

the adrenaline coursing through him had him forgetting your distaste for gore and violence . he just needed to know you were okay . he thought you might flinch , might cry . but instead you took his outstretched hands and bought them to your face . kissing over his knuckles as tears finally fell . brahms pulled you into a tight embrace , hushing you as you spilled out your thank yous , i love yous , i was so scared . he’d dispose of the mess later . right now you needed him . and he needed you .

michael

michael has never killed in front of you . there’s never been a reason to . you’re always at home , at work , at school , somewhere he isn’t when he’s destroying and ending lives . the most you see is a bloody knife in your kitchen and filthy clothes in the hamper . you don’t like it , hating to think about those who lost their life to michael’s blood lust . you know you’re lucky to have never seen it . to only deal with the smallest of traces of the destruction he leaves .

it’s a nice evening for a walk . work was running late , and so you stayed extra . and after such a long shift , you were excited to get home and hopefully find michael sitting on the couch . maybe he’d tolerate you leaning on him as you forget the stresses of the day . you don’t notice you’re being followed . maybe it’s due to you being lost in your own little world . maybe it’s due to the fact you’ve gotten used to the feeling of being watched by micahel that it just slips your mind completely . but you do feel the head of a gun shove into your back as a hand wraps around your mouth .

there’s a demand that you give up your money or else . the gun digging in your back painfully as gloved hands squeeze your jaw hard . another demand , a near desperate shout for your any and everything in your bag . and then you feel the man press against you , a weak strained noise leaving him , something thick and warm dripping down the back of your neck and over your shoulders . the weight of the man get’s heavy , and then he falls to the side , gargling on his own blood , twitching and wide eyed as he stairs at the sky .

you turn so fast you almost fall , taking a few steps back only to meet michael’s gaze . a kitchen knife in his hand , wet and dripping crimson . he watches you for a moment . daring you to run . and you do , but not away from him , to him . he lets you wrap your arms around him chest , sobbing as you cling to him . michael allows the contact until you even your breathing . you want to stay and cling to him , fingers in a white knuckle grip on his jumpsuit . you just saw him kill and yet you still stay . because you love him . because despite everything , you know at least some small part of him might love you to .

jesse

he has enemies . he knows this . he’s rich and powerful and a murderer . he’s bound to have a few outside forces trying to come down on him . jesse had never thought , however , that this enemy would come from within . preston was a wanna be . he’d been trying to frame himself as the new , better chromeskull . he’d been added to jesse’s shit list the moment the man found out , making the other rush off into hiding and prepare for the inevitable . and preston … preston thought he was smart . thought he could make jesse suffer . he thought he could take you away from him . preston had never been so wrong .

he’d taken you . taken you with threats to torture you . the fury inside of jesse was untamed . preston thought he was so smart , but jesse was smarter . he found the little hide away without any difficulty . always sloppy and so easy to track . preston was pathetic . and jesse would be doing the world a fucking favor by ending his life .

he’d never wanted to drag you into this world . he wanted you free from it . but here you were , tapped to a chair , tears streaming down your face . preston was smug as he watched you , not noticing the gleam of chrome behind him . not realizing that jesse was here , close . he didn’t notice until jesse squatted down and cut through his Achilles tendon in one deep slash . the larger man was quick to disarm preston , using the knife he’d been holding to stab through his hand with so much force it settled into the floor . jesse hand’t wanted you to see this side of him . but it open for you . jesse’s heart set on one thing and one thing only . dismembering and torturing this betrayer of trust and kidnapper of his love . it slow and agonizing , and you had to close your eyes and look away , unable to take the scene . but when the screaming stopped you looked back , seeing the way jesse’s broad shoulders shook and his head titled back .

you made a noise , and it drew his attention . he was on you in and instant . cutting you free and tugging at tap , even if it hurt , he wanted it off of you . before he could sign anything you were tugging him in , pushing his chrome mask off his face and kissing him , asking if he was okay , telling him how worried you were about him . he couldn’t help but bring you in close , bloodstained , gloved hands ridding up your shirt . you’d seen him at his truest , and yet you worried for him instead of yourself . he couldn’t ever let you go now .

thomas

the meat had got out . high on adrenaline and fear , the girl had somehow used her bloody wrists to wiggle out of her restraints . thomas has roared with fury when he saw her missing . grabbing his chainsaw as he quickly stomped upstairs . he needed to find and end them before they had a chance to retaliate against his family .

he was panting , looking for blood trails to lead him in the right direction when he heard you scream . his heart stopped for half a second as fear and rage flooded him . they had you . they would hurt you , take you away . he couldn’t lose you . he could’t .

the woman was clawing at you , sobbing as she dug her jagged nails into your skin , you tried to crawl away , tried to push her off , panic flooding you . soon her begs became screeches of betrayal as she realized you were one of those monsters who had killed her friends . her hands balled into fists and she raised them , bringing them down on you were she could . she didn’t get more than two hits in before tommy brought the chainsaw down on her , tearing into her back and through her spine , splattering the both of you in blood .

thomas kicked away the corpse , dropping the chainsaw as he looked down at you . fear in his eyes as he panted . he wanted to reach out , to hold you . but how could he ? you saw him kill . you would think he was a monster . and he deserved it for not tying the meat up tighter . for not just killing the meat right off the bat .

you can only look up at thomas , trying to calm your breathing .the fear and self hate in his eyes . the utter loneliness … you’re shaky on your feet , walking towards him . taking his hands in yours and kissing over his palms . he can’t help the sob that falls from his lips as he presses his forehead to your shoulder . and you can’t help that you press his hands over your heart , showing him you’re okay . it’s okay . every things okay .

billy & stu

the boys are possessive and protective . they don’t like when people try to step in on their territory . it’s not you they don’t trust . it’s them . and there is only so much they can take before they snap . so it’s no surprise that they do . they don’t have their gear . but they do have a pick pocketed pocket knife and rage , and that will just have to do the trick . they don’t have time plan , they only have time to act . because that drunken bastard hasn’t left you alone all night , and he decided it would be find to just fucking grab at you despite you telling him to stop .

they gang up on you , putting themselves between you and the drunken bitch fuck who was trying to grind on you . they don’t want you to see , one of them backing you up , while the other all but guts the bastard in a swift motion , careful not to get blood on them . it happens so fast , the screaming , the boys acting shocked , the sudden need to rush outside , to leave the bar and sneak away . stu blocks you from view , billy leading the three of you to a gas station . with and outdoor bathroom .

they shove you in , billy washing the blood off his hands and trying to clean out the sink the best he can . stu trying to keep you from looking , but it’s too late . you can put it all together . and you’re wide eyed as you look between your boys . the looks in there eyes show you that there is a secret they’ve been hiding . something dark , something they’re scared of you finding out . and as you watch their faces everything falls into place .

this isn’t how they wanted you to find out . they didn’t want you to find out . even if they both knew that with time you would . and here in a shitty public bathroom their secret became exposed . they wait for your response . teetering on the edge of fear and rejection . when you take their hands in your own . raising them to your cheeks and give them that soft smile , they feel relieved . and you’re next words , accepting and concerned for them have them both laughing and pulling you in for kisses . just stay safe , for me .

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slashersins · 4 years ago

Note

mmmm somft reader with their murder men in a somft moment ! ! !

brahms

michael

jesse

he has enemies . he knows this . he’s rich and powerful and a murderer . he’s bound to have a few outside forces trying to come down on him . jesse had never thought , however , that this enemy would come from within . preston was a wanna be . he’d been trying to frame himself as the new , better chromeskull . he’d been added to jesse’s shit list the moment the man found out , making the other rush off into hiding and prepare for the inevitable . and preston . . . preston thought he was smart . thought he could make jesse suffer . he thought he could take you away from him . preston had never been so wrong .

thomas

you can only look up at thomas , trying to calm your breathing .the fear and self hate in his eyes . the utter loneliness . . . you’re shaky on your feet , walking towards him . taking his hands in yours and kissing over his palms . he can’t help the sob that falls from his lips as he presses his forehead to your shoulder . and you can’t help that you press his hands over your heart , showing him you’re okay . it’s okay . every things okay .

billy & stu

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moxfirefly · 4 years ago

Text

I come bearing the gift of Angst™️ like yall this took for fucking ever and this is some sad af shit here so I’m sorry but it was an idea that hatched and I wanted to do it.

Rated Mature (18+ and up only)

TW: Blood, mentions of alcohol, death

Tagging a few Lee fans, my apologies already lol @southernblossoms @aurora-the-kunoichi @ray-jaykub

“Now I'm trying to wake you up,

To pull you from the liquid sky,

Coz if I don't we'll both end up,

With just your song to say goodbye.”

Leonardo sees the night sky above him, the hard rain falling down on him and a vision of something he finds so beautiful.

You.

He smiles at the image. He welcomes it and allows himself to be whisked away.

The cold night slips away in hues and as the rain falls down in harsh drops he refuses to give the cold pavement beneath him much thought. He sees something shiny fly across his vision and the only sound he surrounds himself is the sound of your laugh.

“I-I’m... S-“

_______________

You wake with a startle and a gasp. The coldness in the room too intense for the usual New York winter. You wrap yourself in the duvet and patter towards the heater, it’s clearly not working for some reason and you contemplate freezing and forgetting.

Sitting on the carpet, legs crossed and wrapped up you try your best to not let your thoughts stray. The cellphone in your hand is warm and your finger hovers over Donatello’s number.

There’s a large duvet on the living room window. Your eyes have refused to land there, to linger and allow for the icy sensation to run through your veins. Every so often you wonder about moving, not just from your apartment but from New York. To leave everything behind and forget that this was your reality.

-Don’t think about it-

The sentence echoes and echoes and echoes.

You press down on the number.

________________

Leonardo secretly enjoyed being babied. He emphasized secretly, even if he knew that you knew to some degree. Your eyes trail bruises that tell a story of violence but Leo was always vigilant of never dragging you down that road.

It’s a horror show.

You press a frozen bag of peas to his eye, the swelling and black ring angry. “You can’t keep this up” You whisper against the top of his head.

“I have to, nobody is going to end this. Not the cops, not nobody that ain’t us... or me” There’s leftover adrenaline in his voice and if you weren’t sure you could command him to stay he’d probably haul ass and go out again before the sun decided to rise once more and ruin plans.

Leo is convinced that only he can bring down Shredder. Only he can save everything and everyone. It’s a stupid thought you think to yourself, that only one mutant such as himself could even pull it off.

But a huge chunk of himself doesn’t want his family involved like this. He doesn’t want the risk. “Your need to control everything is really annoying” You let go of the bag, he manages to catch it and place it back. You exit the bathroom and contemplate just how much bleach you’re going to need to get all of this blood out of your carpet.

You stare and feel your eyes begging to fog. The image of Leo climbing in a mess of cuts and bruises. Something within you wants to scream and never stop. You hear Leo get up, heavy steps approaching you as you stand like a ghost in the middle of the living room.

“Y/n...” Leo’s voice is soft but that hint of guilt stabs the end of your name. “Just leave with me, why can’t we go somewhere else? We can take your family and just leave, Lee” You turn around, fingers digging into your scalp. The manic feeling rises inside of you and your tears have to spill. Leo’s eyes look broken because he wishes he could give you this and everything you’ve ever desired.

“You don’t owe these people your life, Leo” You press a hand to your mouth as a quiet sob escapes you. “Please just-“ Your tears spill and he’s there in an instant to catch you and hold you so close it almost hurts. He soothes you with kisses and caresses even as you angrily want to shove him away for making this so difficult you fall against him.

The worry eats away at your insides. Why can’t he just understand that the world will never be rid of evil? It’ll find a new host to use and bring more chaos and death. Leo holds you close, even as you collapse against him in anger and fear, he holds you and tries to quiet the loud voice in your head.

The voice that bellows, ‘This isn’t going to end well.’

_____________

Leo’s eyes flutter open, an urge stuck in his throat that chokes him. The inherit need to cough pushes him somewhat upwards but as he tries he feels copper in his mouth, the taste of pennies too strong, god he wants to vomit. Warmth spills from his mouth as he looks about, eyes scanning but the rainfall blurs his vision.

He hears screaming.

He knows Shredder’s down, the monster hasn’t moved.

Leo keeps hearing his name in the distance, his side feels a pin prick when he tries to roll over the pain shoots all over his body and liquid spills from his mouth.

It’s blood.

______________

“Sorry for calling so late but it’s either that or freezing to death” You prepared coffee as Donatello eyed the heater. “I hate winter so I understand” He picked up a wrench when you came into the room, mugs in hand and the blanket still wrapped around your cold body.

“How are you holding up?” He took a sip making a face, the harsh taste of whiskey hitting the back of his mouth. “Went too hard on the added flavoring?” You chuckled, sipping from your mug without hesitation. Donnie placed it next to his tools, his eyes had scanned you when he came over and you could see the worry.

It was safe to say you weren’t looking your best, but then again you hadn’t slept right in the last six months and the clutter of bottles in your trash bin spoke of how you’d been spending your evenings. “Miss seeing you coming around, Mikey misses you a lot” Donnie started to fix the heater, occasionally taking a sip from the spiked coffee. You held the mug tightly, it had been a few months since you stopped going mostly because you always found yourself stepping into his room...

-Don’t think about it-

“How’s everyone?” You asked avoiding the question. Donnie’s shoulders shrugged, pulling apart pieces of your dingy old heater. “Mikey’s doing okay, he’s going on solo patrols really matured you know?” The youngest turtle had changed, there was still a spark of his mischievous ways but he had taken his duties more seriously as of late. “...and Raph?” You weren’t too sure if the subject still remained sour, the brute had a falling out with the tech genius around the time of...

“Raph stops by once in a while, for Mikey’s sake and well since Dad hasn’t been too well health wise” You hang your head, the light brown liquid in your hands still in the porcelain. Splinter was old, it was understandable, maybe you should stop by and see him.

“Splinter is strong, Don” You took a generous gulp, the burn of the whiskey dulling you. “He’s gotten older Y/N, he’s frail... I’m keeping him comfortable” He dug through tools, pushing aside things he didn’t need. You couldn’t help take in Donatello’s features, he had bulked up a little more, more definition in his arms but his eyes still spoke of the little sleep he was allowing himself. Your eyes landed on his wrist, a small piece of blue fabric wrapped around it.

Your eyes burned, so you chased it with another sip of your coffee. Rest hadn’t found you either.

“You two should make up, you need each other” Donnie sighed at your retort, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Getting through Raph isn’t as easy as getting through a firewall, you know how fucking stubborn he could be” He shook the heater, it tried whirring back to life but no luck. “He’s stubborn but he’ll listen even if you think he doesn’t-“ Donnie smacked the heater, hard enough something dented, hard enough for you to flinch.

“He doesn’t comprehend that we lost him too, Y/N, he wants to blame me or himself or... but no okay? He doesn’t get to act like a fucking child because it’s been half a year and it still hurts” Donnie gripped the machine, eyes shutting tightly, all you could do was remain quiet. Your chest felt too tight, you didn’t want to hear it.

Please, don’t say it.

_____________

The rain always brought an unpleasant smell. It’s probably due to how polluted this god forsaken city is. Aside from the smell of shit, there was that coppery scent in the air too and you smelt it as soon as you got to the roof via the fire escape. The guys had been chasing Leonardo and Shredder, April and you on car the others on the truck. This solo vendetta of Leo’s had gone too far and while he had tracked down the bastard it didn’t mean he had to take this on by himself.

The rain fell in hard drops, each resonating as it smacked down onto you. You looked about the roof trying to spot anything, the calm too eerie. The blood almost swam by you, meeting your sneakers, a proverbial map to your destination.

And what a awaited you...

There was no feasible way to prepare yourself, even the small prayer you whispered under your breath not enough to silence the gut wrenching dread that befell you alongside the rain. Your knees hit the pavement hard and you couldn’t seem to see clearly enough where to press down and hold the life slipping out of him.

It’s all mute from there, you remember the sobs mixed into his name. The slow way his eyelids fluttered and the shallow breaths he took, he wanted to move so badly to hold you close and tell you it’s alright. The part of his mind crashing, slowly but surely losing light just saw the image of you as a comforting sign.

That while he laid there feeling darkness overtake him, he’d at least have the image of you above him. You begged nevertheless, telling him to remain awake that the others would be there soon, even going so far as to try and move his heavy frame but you were too small and Leo would simply just not budge. Trembling hands pushed on Raphael’s name, something akin to ‘hurry’ escaping your mouth but your shaking hands couldn’t hold the phone long enough before more blood gushed out and you tried to hold it all in for Leo.

His hand landed on your cheek, thumb caressing the spot.

“I.. I’m s-sorry” He heaved out, hand slipping, blue eyes suddenly too dark.

He wasn’t breathing.

Leo wasn’t breathing.

_____________

You felt hands on your shoulder before you snapped out of that terrible memory. Donatello’s concerned gaze on you.

“Y/N? Hey, are you okay?” You couldn’t quite catch the image of Donnie, he was distorted as your eyes welled up with tears and you fought back the urge to let them drop. Because for six months you had been crying your eyes out for him, for six months you had not known the word peace, for six months you had stared at a window that yielded no end to your pain. In one manic night you had thrown up your comforter and nailed the damn thing over that fucking window, you had contemplated tearing up the carpets that had so many specks of Leo’s blood, you had tried to quiet the urge to burn your bedroom because every corner of it had some essence of him in or on it.

Some days you were so furious that he had done this. That he had died for a cause that would go unmerited, leaving his friends, his family and you to hold on to unamended pieces.

That very night he had been taken back to the lair, each brother having a moment with him, April as well. You were given one last moment with him, to be around him, to hold his impossibly cold hand.

At some point Splinter had stepped in and sat down next to you, his hand came to rest on your shoulder. It had to be admired, even if his eyes spoke that his world was crashing before him, he remained the rock that protected against the crashing waves.

“He loved you... with everything he had” Splinter had said and while there was comfort in there, the pain was far too great. You don’t remember stepping out let alone getting up, in fact most of that night had been a blur. At some point Raphael had supposedly picked you up and laid you down on the cot April used when she stayed over. Somewhere between that you had stumbled to Leo’s room and you had stayed there for a week.

That week had turned into a month.

For thirty days you stayed among his things, among his scent, on a bed you had been countless times on in countless ways. In the misery of it all there was comfort there, even if each night you dreamt of him, even if you swore that at times you heard your name being called by him. It was worse when you woke startled feeling as if he had ran his hand down your hip.

Around the end of that first month Mikey had stepped in with some food (much like he had done everyday) but this time he had placed it on the the night table and climbed into the bed with you.

He was crying.

You both held onto each other, anchoring one another to remain in the tough currents because this storm wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

You give Mikey credit for pulling you out of that room, even if you left a good chunk of your heart there, the other portions on that forsaken rooftop, the rest with Leo. You hadn’t been to the lair every since.

Donnie cupped your face, thumbs drying the tear tracks on your cheeks. “I’m sorry” You spoke out, not really sure why but all Donnie did was pull you close and hug you and you’re sure you haven’t hugged him in six months and while his scent is nowhere near that of Leo’s and his body lean muscle the contrast of his eldest brother, you still fell apart against the familiarity of it.

You sobbed against him quietly, dropping your mug, the shattering not jarring enough to bring you or him back.

And why come back to the present? To a cold home? To a place where Leo only existed in memories and lucid dreams?

Donnie held you close, his own tears falling and whatever fortress he had built up in this time had shattered like glass.

Leonardo was dead and there was simply nothing the two of you could do.

#tmnt bayverse #tmnt leonardo x reader #leo tmnt #leonardo tmnt #leonardo x reader #tmnt leo x reader #leo x reader #tmnt Leonardo #donnie tmnt #tmnt donatello #donatello #Donnie #Leo #fem reader #female reader insert #angst #hurt

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mhaccunoval · 4 years ago

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i finallyyyy finished the explanations for my tlb playlistttt so come get yall juice

if you haven’t already seen my first (official) post about this silly little playlist then you are still in luck !!! here is the spotify and the youtube links !!! oh yeah also all of the songs are in chronological order (maybe not by month but definitely by year) because i had to be organized like that sbjhshsjbs

———

❥ title

i mean. there isn’t much to explain about it but sbjshbsjhs it’s based on sam’s line “you’re a creature of the night, michael!” of course but i made it plural because this playlist is sort of a. general boys / movie playlist, if that makes sense??? but yeahhhh they’re all littol creechers who love the night >:o]

———

❥ paint it, black — the rolling stones

so !!! i was kind of trying to relate it to the boys vampirism and. love of black clothes sbhsjbshjs but no. similar to the title, they. literally live in darkness because of not being able to go into the sun and because of the few lights in the lair but there’s also a sort of duality where being vampires in an internal darkness??? like. each of the boys takes heavy advantage of the benefits of being undead but i can’t imagine it’s without its faults outside of the lack of sunlight and such. i’m sure there’s a kind of uh. monster complex that follows it, especially with the way outsiders view them, which certainly fits with the song’s vibe of being washed with this sort of sensory overload to color and earning weird looks for it

———

❥ riders on the storm — the doors

first of all, there’s a giant ass jim morrison poster in the lair therefore the boys definitely listen to the doors (if not idolize jim) so jot that down. but also !!! it has very Them vibes !!! i think the storm effects definitely relate to boys in how storms create a darkness that is soothing in its own way, and comes on strong, just like the boys’ presence. and. technically they Are killers on the road that Will kill a sweet family sbhjsbshjsb but no most of all the !!! “into this house we’re born // into this world we’re thrown” and !!! the found family that the boys have going. like, if you look at. vampirism as the house they have LITERALLY been born into it and been thrown into a whole new world, depending on each other for comfort and pleasure !!! oh also. they ride motorcycles so they’re also literal riders sbhjsbshjs (fun fact, according to genius lyrics: apparently it was the last song jim recorded before he died a few weeks later 😳)

———

❥ love her madly — the doors

whole jim morrison poster and listening to the doors reasoning is sustained. HOWEVER for the rest of reasoning… perhaps it’s more straight up 95060 than anything but sbhsjbsshj the whole woman walking in and out of the audience’s life is very symbolic of michael being in and out with the boys, never really deciding whether he wants to fully join them and straining. all of his relationships with that indecision and sitting on the picket fence (those who sit on the picket fence are impaled by it). although, it could also be partly symbolic of that indecision, as he does find Some charm in the boys’ lifestyle and keeps finding himself drawn back enough to even consider partaking in it. also, if you wanna go the parko route, paul loves marko madly enough to go after the frog bros personally for killing him <3

———

❥ walk this way — aerosmith

i am. blanking on how to tie it in other than being on the movie’s soundtrack (yes i avoided it and people are strange until the very end of making the playlist, but one of the evils got me clearly— have always ADORED people are strange though). but. i guess you can make the case that the song is full of innuendos and some scenes, like the feeding scene, are lowkey horny sbsjhbshjsbs and YES it’s the aerosmith version instead of the run dmc one because. i prefer this one and it’s my silly little playlist <3

———

❥ the boys are back in town — thin lizzy

technically the boys never Left town but !!! *christopher walken voice* Boys !!! them cast ARE crazy and they’re ALWAYS dressed to kill, ready to spill some blood and pick a fight !!! yeah no it’s just a very fun song that i think really works to. represent their crazy lifestyle and infamy around town due to causing trouble !!! and you can almost say that in this scenario star is the girl who used to dance a lot and slapped the shit out of someone <3 just girlboss moments <3

———

❥ xanadu — rush

hehehe… this started as the. desire to add more rush to the playlist for my own amusement but the more times i listen to it, the more i’m like “!!! it actually fits”… like. xanadu here is meant to a sort of utopia that’s long searched for, partly BECAUSE of the promise of immortality which !!! the boys have (unless. harmed in one of the ways at the end of the movie) because of their vampirism. like even if we don’t know the exact reasons they got turned, they all still, mostly indirectly probably, sought out that same principle. And the dining on honeydew and drinking the milk of ‘paradise’ is similar to their thrill-seeking tendencies and general enjoyment of being unable to die, leaving them to enjoy their undead lives to the fullest. not to mention, in [b part 2] (as genius refers to it) there’s talk of many, many years passing and waiting for the world to end, which we know there’s been quite a few years in between the boys getting turned and the movie, as well as i’m sure they sit back and wait on Some apocalypse, if not just to watch the world burn. in writing this, i’ve ALSO realized how it can be considered very Michael; he didn’t exactly seek this life out but he found it and indulged, only to be that “mad immortal man” towards the end of the song

———

❥ runnin’ with the devil — van halen

i just van halen is neat sbjshbsjsh and would definitely be something the boys would actually listen to hsjbshjsb i don’t Necessarily think vampires are in any way tied to the devil but. here it’d be more like a metaphor of “taking a walk on the wild side” if you wanna call it that; also, they all truly live their lives like there’s no tomorrow (not that they have to worry about death until the very end), have stolen a lot of things just to get by (probably in life AND death), don’t bode well with the ‘simple’ life (likely including the idea of a nuclear family like max proposed) because of it’s lack of pleasures, and don’t exactly have any “love [that] you’d call real” unless you read into the subtext

———

❥ hot blooded — foreigner

originally this was going to be another joke about the. lowkey horniness of the boys and the movie as a whole but i’ve realized in writing these explanations thus far and rereading the lyrics that it’s. it’s just michael-centric sbshjsbsh sam is “at the mercy of his sex glands” and so is the audience of both the movie and the song sbhsjbshsj like. michael finds himself attracted to star immediately and tries for two secret rendezvouses, with only one working, and. can be said that he also finds a fever running within him when he’s around david and the boys sbhjsbshjs i just 🙈

———

❥ renegade — styx

renegade is my favorite styx song so i just said “fuck it” and added it sbshjsbshj but !!! you can say that, again, the boys live their lives on the wild side and. probably commit enough crimes to warrant dozens of sentences, some that would lead to death row (like, ya know, the. manslaughter) but they manage to get away unscathed. And the law man serving as an allegory to all of the people, including the frogs and grandpa, that want them dead for being vampires, with the bounty to be rewarded being the ridding of their trouble from santa carla

———

❥ big shot — billy joel

mikey :o) … ok yeah he isn’t the. silver spoon in hand (nose) type but he’s LITERALLY the type to open his mouth and get himself deep in enough shit that a fight breaks out, potentially bloodied his eyes, nose, and/or fists. i don’t have much of an explanation outside of he is a himbo jock who pulled a “i didn’t know how to talk to my crush so i wrote a note telling them to get out of my school” except he said it with his fist instead of his mouth sbjshbshsj

———

❥ boys don’t cry — the cure

pretty sure this is one of the ones i stole off of shovel (@/iswearimavamp) sbshjbshjs but i do love this song in a general sense too. in regards to the movie, like. none of the guys. obsess over masculinity or anything— and both david AND michael cry at different points— so that’s not necessarily an issue. but, there *is* still a lot of hurt and stepping on toes in many of the relationships in the film that can be stretched to fit, i would think sbjhsbshjs

———

❥ highway to hell — ac/dc

this and back in black were some of the last two i put on here because i. wanted to make an ‘even’ 35 sbsjhsbshjs BUT, like with runnin’ with the devil, it’s about a devilish lack of care for one’s own life or the “status of their soul” and just doing what feels right or like the most fun, no matter if it lands them in hell or not. and !!! “my friends are gonna be there too” fits with the friendship within the boys’ found family and how they’ll all always be together, no matter what !!!

———

❥ back in black — ac/dc

i can’t really think of an explanation that differs from highway to hell so just reread the above sbsjhsbsh

———

❥ witch hunt — rush

OK !!! this is the song i’m the MOST excited to explain !!! right off the bat, moving pictures as a whole is an IMMACULATE album, absolutely love it. right so !!! this song literally SOUNDS like it belongs on the movie soundtrack; it has the same overtones and sounds as cry little sister and it’s just !!! and with the title, a witch hunt is BASICALLY what sam + the frogs went on in search of the lose boys, relying on little else but hearsay and catching glimpses at what was happening to michael, “confident that their ways are best” and moving along like a mob of three to get to the bottom of it. “features distorted in the flickering light // faces are twisted and grotesque” is very reminiscent of the faces the lost boys pull when they’re about to attack, and “they say there are strangers who threaten us” is symbolic of them being outsiders/outcasts that make everyone uncomfortable, even if You aren’t going to be their next victim. “the righteous rise with burning eyes” AND “quick to judge, quick to anger // slow to understand // ignorance and prejudice // and fear walk hand in hand” can apply to any number of characters, particularly the mains who are all pitted against each other, the humans fighting for their lives and the vampires fighting for their Right to live, neither taking into consideration the other’s perspective. i just… ADORE this song…

———

❥ red barchetta — rush

this one was mainly just because of the car that grandpa keeps in the barn and both sam and michael’s fascination with it sbhjsbsshj and just to get more rush on here shjsbshjsbsh

———

❥ maneater — hall & oates

one of the first songs to hit the playlist !!! because the boys eat people !!! they’re the lean and hungry type that only come out at night !!! they’ll be sitting with you but their eyes are on the door and if you want love from them, you won’t get very far !!! the beauty IS there but there are beasts inside that can rip your world apart !!! they’ll chew you up but also leave you begging for more :o)

———

❥ hungry like the wolf — duran duran

the second song to have gone on the playlist !!! the boys are always on the prowl for fresh meat (in both the food AND turning senses) and they come alive while on the hunt, blood no doubt rushing through their veins (assuming it still can) !!! and in the movie, michael is the one they’re after for the turning connotation, all wanting a taste of him for themselves !!!

———

❥ subdivisions — rush

this rush song actually went on before the others shbsjsbshj but !!! it still fits just as well (certainly better than red barchetta)… the movie all takes place on the fringes of the city, “in between the bright lights // and the far unlit unknown”, and while it’s not exactly in the suburbs, there’s still little comfort to soothe the restless dreams of youth. there IS a drawing like moths into the city, for both the emersons and the lost boys, which is what ends up bringing all of them together, although it starts are cruising for action just to feel the living night. and just !!! NOBODY fits in !!! if you take the movie title as them being Lost instead of an allusion to peter pan, then you get slapped with thinking about what actually makes them lost and how they don’t conform in any way, shape, or form to just about. anything. and !!! the emersons are new, which immediately puts them at a social disadvantage, but they Also don’t seem too terribly great at making new friends in general so !!! “nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone”!!!

———

❥ abracadabra — steve miller band

i just love this song for whatever reason. and i think the allusion to magic to very fitting for the hallucinations that david gives michael, putting a sort of magic spell on him if you want to look at it that way. not a lot of silk and satin going gone but plenty of leather and probably some lace in there somewhere ( ;o] ) … also michael DOES heat up like a burnin’ flame whenever his name is called and the situation with the boys just keeps going round and round with no exact end in sight, only the calling of desire

———

❥ separate ways (worlds apart) — journey

you would think i would have more journey on here ??? because i love them ??? but instead i stole this off of shovel too ??? it’s fine. time to be back on the 95060 bullshit sbsjhbsjhs we all know david Really wants michael to join them but. michael is reluctant, so that hesitance sets them worlds apart from each other— as if they weren’t already— and there’s still love between them, or at least the bgeinning sparks of it, even if michael refuses to act on them and only keeps pushing david away

———

❥ cum on feel the noize — quiet riot

just some boys loving to party <3 some boys with evil yet dirty minds, out of time singing, funny faces, and that have a lazy time <3 yeah no this is one they’d rock out to and someone would probably pull a muscle over because it’s just such a banger sbshjsbsjh

———

❥ rebel yell — billy idol

Another stolen off of shovel sbjhsbsjhs also ever since it’s been pointed out to me that david looks like billy idol i’ve just been losing it a little sbhjsbshjs Anyway. they’d definitely idolize him to some degree, even if just for looks, and it certainly fits the way that they. most Definitely let out a rebel yell at the midnight hour if you know what i mean— *taken out by a sniper*

———

❥ every breath you take — the police

would to believe to know i took it from shovel (i swear the last three where i say that will be rock you like a hurricane, livin’ on a prayer, and cherry pie sbshjsbsh) BUT !!! the watching every move is yet another. david keeping watch over michael and uh yearning from afar moment, heart aching the longer he’s away and the longer he keeps up this game of not knowing what exactly he wants to do

———

❥ handsome devil — the smiths

ok THIS one was lent to me by ej (@/maybe-strawberry-blue) sbshjbshjsbs and let me tell you. this song (especially when paired with this charming man) is Very homoerotic, aka perfect for this movie shbjsbshjsbs like what got me first was “let me get my hands // on your mammary glands” and just. thinking about trans parko sbhsjbshjs but also in general the. “and i would like to give you // what i think you’re asking for” and “a boy in the bush // is worth two in the hand” and just sbhjsbshjs Everything. fits the ambiguous homoeroticism. And i think the boys would listen to the smiths (will elaborate more in the other smiths song explanation)

———

❥ panama — van halen

i Told you all i think van halen is neat sbsjsshjb what can i say. the boys like fast moving vehicles, hard partying, and tender loving sbsjhsbhsj also forgot to mention that i think they’d all be :eyes: about pre-1985 david lee roth and i cannot blame

———

❥ rock you like hurricane — scorpions

third to last shovel snatch sbshjsbh Here you can replace any one of the boys with the animals mentioned, as they’re always hungry and need to feed… they come out scratching and ready to win, willing to rock anyone who gets in their way like a hurricane— including with lust, depending on the situation

———

❥ livin’ on a prayer — bon jovi

i actually can’t even manage an explanation for this one either just because of the song’s plot and how greatly it differs the movie plot <3 however it will stay because shovel said one of the boys (i forget which) would listen to it and friendship is more powerful than my small brain <3

———

❥ the queen is dead — the smiths

rightttt so here’s the deal, buds and duds. something in my gut just tells me that david would pull a me and. listen to this entire album on repeat, particularly bigmouth strikes again and i know it’s over when in dramatics bshjsbsjh BUT to make a case for the title track itself, breaking into buckingham palce— or really any major building— with only a sponge and rusty wrench would ABSOLUTELY be an endeavor the boys would get up to And they’d all pale (worse than normal) about finding out they’re the descendant of some royal. “oh, has the world changed, or have i changed” and “life is very long, when you’re lonely” is quite fitting of their immortality, which i can only imagine would leave them questioning how the world has evolved and, although they have each other, i’m sure living forever still can get a Little lonely. And they’d certainly celebrate the death of a royal (because anarchy <3). mostly i’ve just been listening to this song on repeat for days sbhjsbshj but, i think it’s the most. generally related to all of the boys, whereas like. cemetry gates would be more solely 95060

———

❥ need you tonight — inxs

my favorite inxs song… technically the 21st century Wasn’t yesterday when the movie came out nor when the song did sbhjsbshjs but there *is* a lot of sweating from desire and aiming to put that passion into use, very blatantly letting everyone know that sbjhsbshjs

———

❥ bad medicine — bon jovi

there’s just something so fun about this song… and while listening to it on the drive home, i was thinking about it from a 95060 perspective where. david’s a bit lovesick (hence the love like bad medicine) and the choir of voices in the bg, saying “that’s what you get for falling in love”, would be the other boys knowing he’s gotten himself in over his head over what was supposed to be a minor tease or a small fling (would be a real fun and poppy animatic i think)

———

❥ pour some sugar on me — def leppard

legitimately this started as a “haha what about my ‘what if the blood was kool-aid instead’ joke” and then i realized it was. a fair enough fit, especially with the feeding scene. except they’re actual vamps not just video vamps sbjhsbshjs anyway. sugar highs and red hot flames of passion for one another <3

———

❥ cherry pie — warrant

ok THIS is the last song i took from shovel and. my reasoning is pretty much the same as pour some sugar on me and. Friendship

———

❥ somebody told me — the killers

i wasn’t going to add any modern songs but. i thought it’d be funny if michael had had a girlfriend before leaving phoenix that looked a bit like david sbshjsbshj and then it only just added to angst sbhjsbshj

———

❥ you know what they do to guys like us in prison — mcr

i was reminded that vampires will never hurt you exists but. i went with my favorite mcr song instead because. vwnhy is more like ??? a vampire that fears themselves ??? so like. an edward cullen type ??? while ykwtdtgluip is more about the homoeroticism and community ??? i said what i said

———

❥ house of wolves — mcr

thank god this is the last song because i’m getting tired sbjshsjshb a little less homoeroticism, a little more general sinning and egotism <3

#pant rambles #playlist #ramble #in the last like. ten you can Tell i started getting tired

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ofsereniity · 4 years ago

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{ halston sage ♔ twenty four ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t serenity ‘ren’ sykes running around peach hollow. legend has it, she comes from blueberry boulevard and has lived here her whole life. if you’re wondering what she’s been up to, i hear she’s a preschool teacher/cam girl for a living. she has been known to be reticent yet effervescent. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching.

HEADS UP: TW FOR CHILD DEATH, TERMINAL ILLNESS AND MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE

in the year 1990, howard and celia sykes gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named michael, mikey for short. he was their entire world, and little did the two know – their entire world would stop spinning a mere four years later.

howard was a truck driver, the breadwinner in the family, while celia stayed home with mikey. during a routine check up when the boy was just three years old, the doctor made a startling discovery – mikey was in kidney failure.

howard began picking up more and more shifts, needing the extra cash to pay for medical bills. he was away a good bit, and every time he came home, there was an argument about how he was away too much – but they needed the money.

despite how hard the doctors tried and how hard the little boy fought, his kidneys failed completely and they were unable to find a match for a new one quick enough. he passed away in 1994.

it was never a question as to whether or not howard and celia would have another child – and in 1995, serenity eileen was born. they went with that name hoping that it would manifest a little peace into their strained relationship. when in doubt, don’t pull out, right?

much to their dismay, serenity was a pretty rebellious toddler and child. when something was asked of her, particularly by her mother, ren did the exact opposite – and that’s when they started calling her ren instead of serenity. the irony was too much for celia.

however, her father saw her at her best. it was rare to hear her talk back to him, or to even disobey. their bond was unbreakable, a daddy’s girl since birth. he often took up for ren, even when she was in the wrong, which caused even more strain between her parents. to this day, celia firmly believes that serenity’s birth was the downfall of her relationship with howard.

they put her in different sports and activities in an attempt to get rid of all of the negative energy she had, but her mother just packed more and more negativity in her life. they never had a good relationship. when they finally found the activity she enjoyed most, both parents were a little disheartened to find out it was jiu jitsu. celia’s dream for a little cheerleader went down the drain.

the calls from her principal started rolling in when she was in middle school. fights, talking back to teachers, asking all the wrong questions – and there was even a point where her parents contemplated home schooling, but howard knew celia wouldn’t be able to handle it, and so they tried their best to keep her out of trouble.

she mellowed out a little in high school, but wasn’t popular. a lot of kids made fun of her for being a loner, but she preferred it. it let her go home to her books and her writing. it let her go to the dojo more often.

they put her in a peer mentor program where she worked with young kids who were in trouble like she had been, and that was when she decided she wanted to teach. serenity busted her ass her last two years of high school and got into winchester where she received her bachelor’s in early elementary education.

she moved into an apartment at tangerine towers as soon as she turned 18, and lived there for many years, until the same disease that took her brother attacked her father.

without a second thought, ren broke her lease and moved back home. howard had told her how absent celia was – never home, avoided him when she did come home, and he was getting sicker. he needed help, someone who could provide financially and emotionally. her return home lead to ren catching her mother kissing another man before getting out of his car and going into the house – and this was when serenity snapped.

it started off as a screaming match in the middle of her kitchen. this was about a year ago. she went in on her mother about the verbal abuse she received as a child and about how sick she had to be to cheat on her terminally ill husband. they exchanged horrible words until ren had her mother pinned in the corner of the kitchen. she shoved her, and celia called the police. she pressed charges, but when serenity went to court, her mother didn’t show, the charges were dropped, and she was able to return to work. she has no contact with celia.

she has taken over sole care of her father battling end stage renal failure. she takes him back and forth to dialysis, prepares his meals and keeps him company. she had to drop from an all day pre-k teacher to half day, so she’s off work by noon and can take care of her dad – but half of a teacher’s salary isn’t enough to get them by. not even a little.

in the past six months, ren has become quite popular on o*lyf*ns and various other sites. it allows her to make the income she needs to keep her dad comfortable towards the end of his life, but she is constantly worried that one of her student’s parents will find out and she will lose her job, especially with having the assault charge not too long ago – dropped or not, it was still there and still public record.

she’s a superhero!! teacher by day, cam girl by night – doing the lord’s work

PERSONALITY & FUN FACTS

despite her past, ren really is an approachable gal. she has a contagious smile and likes to flash it whenever she can. she’s never met a stranger and can talk to just about anyone, but don’t let that fool you. it’s likely that you don’t know much about her at all.

being reticent, ren often hides parts of her life – like anything that isn’t her day job. it’s hard to get past small talk with her at times because she is vacuum sealed. nothing slips out. of course, she has close friends that she trusts with her secrets – just not the cam girl one.

she can be overzealous and effervescent upon first meeting, but that’s to hide how deeply sad she is. if she’s over the top happy, then how could anyone suspect what was going on at home?

she loves parties! she isn’t a rager, but loves kicking back with a beer and spilling her guts to a stranger she will never see again, or so she hopes.

ren is a very good listener and people often go to her for advice and consolation. she’s good at it and takes pride in it.

loyal to a fault, serenity will kick someone’s ass to protect her loved ones.

can definitely be a hot head but tries her best to keep it under control

mommy issues lol

still practices jiu jitsu and has now taken up kick boxing!!

has three lil gray cats named huey, dewey, and louie. they’re brothers

if her nails are chipped, she’s not in a good place tbh

adrenalin junkie

WANTED CONNECTIONS

i imagine she has a handful of childhood friends, maybe people who saw all the shit her mother put her through??

the adrenalin junkie pal who will do ANYTHING with her and vice versa. cliff diving? graffiti? anything!!!!

a ride or die or two

perhaps a current fling or two

exes, mainly flings since it’s hard for her to let someone in

THE BIG ONE!!! she was with this person in college and they had plans to be together forever but when her father got sick, ren pushed them away and things have never been the same

enemies… for literally any reason

idk hit me up lmao

#intro #if you haven't plotted w her #come find me

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oneblckcoffee · 6 years ago

Text

Only Us [1]

Pairing - Mob!Harrison x Mob!Fem!Reader

Word Count - 2092

Warnings - swearing, brief mentions of alcohol and smoking

A/N - hey guys, this is my very first attempt at writing anything of this manner but this was a concept that really intrigued me and I want to see where this story goes and I hope y’all do too! Also, big thanks to @johnsambrosemcclaren for convincing me to write this because I really wouldn’t have, otherwise. Let me know your thoughts/opinions on this and if you’d want to be tagged in the future. Enjoy!!

chapter 2

—

“Rise and shine, princess!” Tom yelled as he barged into Harrison’s room, making his way towards the window and parting the curtains to let the sunshine in.

The room was a mess, to say the least. Clothes were strewn across the floor without care, empty beer bottles present on every free surface. The place reeked of alcohol mixed with the residual smell of nicotine from various overflowing ash trays, littered throughout the room.

The sunlight bathed the room with warmth as it fell on the bed, where Harrison lay under several comforters clearly enjoying his slumber.

A slight stirring under the blankets indicated that he was waking up, the grumbling indicating that he wasn’t quite happy about it.

“Get out,” he said through gritted teeth as he slowly gained consciousness, the abrupt wake up call aggravating his hangover.

“It’s one in the fucking afternoon, mate. Get a move on or we’re gonna be late.” Tom made his way over to the bed and ripped the covers off of Harrison, lying spread eagle on his bed, wearing only his briefs.

“What the fuck are you even on about?” Harrison groaned as he tried to lift his head up to look at his best friend.

“Don’t tell me you’ve honestly forgotten? Mate, we’ve been through this so many times. We’re meeting with Y/N in like two hours!”

“Who?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tom sighed, trying hard to maintain his composure. “We have a meeting with Y/N Y/L/N, in two fucking hours, to discuss the merger,” said Tom, as he made his way to Harrison’s closet to pick out some fresh clothes for him for the day. “That ring any bells?”

“Ugh, that.”

Tom stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t believe how little Harrison cared about the one meeting that had the potential to finally turn things around for them, to pull them out of the hole they dug themselves in. He was almost determined to yell at his best friend, but refrained. He knew that today was going to be a long day and he needed Harrison in a relatively good mood, if that were even possible, because even the slightest thing could ruin their chances. So, he closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and turned towards the boy who was finally sitting up on the bed.

“Get dressed, we leave in half an hour. We’ve a long fucking drive ahead.”

And with that he walked out of the room leaving Harrison to his devices.

—

“Tell me about them one last time,” you pleaded as you sat in the passenger seat of the car, anxiously running your hands through your hair in attempts to distract yourself.

“We’ve been through this five times already. You’ve got to stop worrying, love.” Michael placed a hand on your knee and looked away from the road to give you a comforting smile. “I know you’re anxious about this, and that’s justified. But you can’t let this throw you off your game, alright? You’re too good for that.”

You let out a sigh, your lips forming into a small smile. You place your hand on top of Michael’s, squeezing it gently. Michael had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. Hell, after everything that had happened these past few years, he was practically family to you. He was always there for you, no questions asked.

“Please, just one last time?”

“Alright.” Michael pulled his hand away from yours, placing it on the steering wheel, his jaw clenching slightly as his expression became more sombre.

“Harrison Osterfield. The golden boy. There wasn’t much of a business when he’d taken over from his father. He’s practically had to build himself up from scratch to where he is now; well at least where he was before he fucked it all up. He was the unofficial king of the London mob for the better part of the past decade. Well, that’s until you popped up on the radar. The details of how things went tits up for them are a bit murky ‘cause at this point it’s just a clusterfuck of elaborate rumours. But yeah, until two years ago, he was on top of the world and now he’s free falling. He’s got himself into a stupid turf war with some newbies, his business is failing and some sources say he’s in debt too. This deal is his Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card. He needs this, he needs you, more than you need him. Remember that, because they’re going to give you shit from the moment you walk in there.”

You listened to him patiently, your mind going over every possible way in which this meeting could play out. You weren’t quite sure whether you wanted to go through with the deal yet or not, but one meeting couldn’t hurt right? Worst case scenario - you leave the bar with two more people on the list of those who hated your guts. That was something you could live with.

“Can I ask you something?” Michael questioned, pulling you from your thoughts. When you only hummed in response, he took it as a sign to continue.

“Why’re you doing this? This deal is bold, even by your standards. I just hope you’ve thought this through enough.” Michael blurted out, frustration evident in his tone even though he tried to hide it.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, mate.” You scoffed, sarcastically. You could see where he was coming from, but you’d be lying if you said that him doubting your plan didn’t hurt you.

“Well, Mikey, when you see a way in you gotta take it. They’re weak, you say, so that tells me that they’re willing to give up more than they’d be comfortable with. And even though they’re a mess right now, the Osterfield name still holds a lot of power, and I personally wouldn’t mind the protection that comes with it, seeing as I don’t really have friends in the business. Also, I’d rather be a partner with this Osterfield now, when he’s a mess, than try to compete against him for power later. That answer your question?”

Michael could sense the anger that you were trying to hide. But more importantly, he could see the hurt that the anger was masking.

“You know that’s not how I meant it, yeah? I trust your judgment, sometimes more than I trust mine. But you get why I had to ask you that, yeah?” Michael said, a bit regretful, bringing the car to a halt.

“Yeah, I know,” you scoffed and got out of the car before he could say anything else.

—

“Mate, where the fuck is she?”

Harrison and Tom had been waiting at the bar for nearly half an hour. It was a grimy place, in the middle of nowhere. The bartender, a man in his early fifties, kept glancing towards the boys as he went about his day, steadily growing wary of their presence.

“She’ll be here, let’s just wait another ten minutes and if she doesn’t show up then we leave, alright?” Tom tried reasoning with him. He’d watched Harrison grow uneasy with every passing second that they spent there waiting for you, unarmed and with no backup. He was painfully aware that this could have all been a set up to single them out and get rid of them, but his desperation to save the drowning business got the better of him and he agreed to your terms.

Harrison let out a frustrated groan, stood up from the booth they were occupying and made his way to the bar to get himself a drink. He didn’t want to be there and he made sure that Tom knew it. This entire proposal was Tom’s idea, him being the one that had reached out to you and the one who’d convinced Harrison to agree to the potential business deal.

To say that the Osterfield business was not booming would be a gross understatement. For the past couple of years, the so-called King of the London mob had lost his handle on things, to put it gently. They were rapidly losing control of their territory and sales were dwindling. Tom had, involuntarily and much to his displeasure, become the de facto leader of the Osterfield gang. He wasn’t a fan of the immense pressure and responsibilities that came with taking over his friend’s empire but more importantly he hated having stand by the sidelines and watch his friend lose himself and not be able to do much about it. He’d tried to keep them afloat as best as he could but he knew that he wasn’t the right man for this job; he wasn’t a leader, he never had been. He knew that he needed to get Harrison’s head back in the game and simultaneously dig them out of the hole they’d trapped themselves in, and the only way he could kill both those birds with one stone was you.

Tom was lost in his thoughts, his worries and anxieties almost consuming him. He didn’t even notice Harrison re-join him at the booth, a glass of whiskey in hand. The door opened with a soft thud, pulling Tom out of his thoughts. When he saw you standing in the doorway, a wave of relief swept through his body and he never thought he’d be so delighted to see a stranger.

—

You left the car and made you way towards the shabby bar, Shaw’s. It was old and extremely run down and didn’t see much foot traffic. However, it had a certain charm to itself, as if time stopped when one’s there, that’d drawn you to it on multiple occasions.

You reached the door and you placed your hand on the knob, but you stood at the threshold for a moment. You could feel Michael’s green eyes staring into the back of your head, but he wouldn’t dare interrupt you because he knew exactly what you were doing. This was the calm before you walked headfirst into the storm, and you needed your wits about you.

You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. And just like that, as if a switch within you had been flipped, you were filled with confidence and certainty. You were in control and you loved every second of it.

When you finally pushed the door open it collided with the wall, cracking some of the plaster that barely held onto the walls. Two heads instantly jerked towards the door and you couldn’t help but notice the relief in the eyes of one of the boy’s and the annoyance in the other’s.

“This is going to be interesting,” you thought to yourself, as a small smirk made its way onto your face. You locked eyes with the blue eyed blonde. His cold and calculating eyes travelled up and down your figure, as if he had terminator vision. You made your way to the bar, breaking your eye contact only when turned to greet the man behind the bar.

“Hey Alf, how’ve you been?” You smiled at the bartender, as you sat on a stool. Alfie, the owner of Shaw’s, made his way to where you and Michael were sitting, a warm smile gracing his features. The two of you had always got along well; you reminding him of a daughter he’d lost and him dishing out fatherly advice whenever he thought you could use it the most.

“Ah, Y/N! Haven’t seen you in these parts of town in a while. I thought you’d forgotten about me,” said Alfie, feigning hurt.

“Never!” You gasped, smiling brightly at the man stood before you.

Alfie places his forearms on the wood and leaned closer to you. “So, love, are those two divs here for you?” He whispered, nodding his head slightly in the direction of Harrison and Tom who’d been listening in on your conversation this entire time.

“Maybe,” you teased, turning around to look at them only for a moment, your eyes finding Harrison’s almost immediately, “Aw, are you worried about me, old man?”

“Worried about them, more like.” Alfie huffed. “If they were sensible they’d have left fifteen minutes ago. I just hope they don’t piss you off too much, for their own sake.”

“That’s more like it.” You scoffed, getting up from your seat at the bar. Having made them wait long enough, you finally walked over to the booth that they were occupying, sliding in to sit across from the two of them.

“Hello, boys.”

Chapter 2

#harrison osterfield #haz osterfield #mob!au #mob!harrison #mob!haz #mob!reader #harrison x reader #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield x y/n #harrison osterfield x you #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x y/n #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield fanfic #harrison osterfield fanfiction #haz osterfield fic #haz osterfield fanfiction #untitled

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mamabearlarusso · 6 years ago

Text

Old Friends (private)

Getting ready to leave the office early today, with thoughts of the kids on my mind. Sam's supposed to be taking Anthony over to Robby's after school. I keep thinking that I should just drop everything and go with them. The four of us being there together...especially after Sam and I talked yesterday...helping Robby through all of this business with his Mom--as a group.

I still feel guilty about it all. A message from Shannon comes from out of nowhere, and I wanted to have some territorial battle over Johnny, like we were back in high school. What the hell?! I tried to hold back, I shouldn't have even answered the text in the first place, but flashes of our previous interaction--back when Robby was in the hospital--just kept running through my mind...and I snapped. Obviously it could have been worse, but that doesn't help me now...knowing where Robby was in the middle of that whole online fiasco...and during last weekend...of all weekends to have to do something like that! Damn it! I just want to hug him and make it all go away.

Of course, the last several months of damage, wouldn't be fixed with one breakfast, lunch or dinner with any of my kids...and I don't even know if Robby would even let me in the door, let alone look at me...and I wouldn't want to make it look like any kind of emotional warfare by having Anthony there as some kind of shield...I don't want to put any of that on my boys and I don't want Sam to have to choose any more than she already has felt the need to. I just need to take it one step at a time and stop thinking myself a coward, for letting Sam go ahead of me. (Though you are. Shut up.)

*closes up laptop and packs the bag, takes coffee mug to the break room and washes it out*

Hearing what Joey told me yesterday, still ringing in my hears...about all his dad had done...what he's still doing in his stead...what all those kids have been able to do, because of me. (Well, not only...and it's not like you actually had a hand it in any of it...oh, you know what I mean.) It still hasn't fully set in, every time I think about it, I still can't believe it. '...stop by sometime and show them what a success story looks like', he said. I couldn't figure out what to do when I heard him say that...laugh at myself or break down in tears. Sure, I'm nowhere near in the same living situation, that I was back then...but sometimes, especially recently, I still feel like the same girl. Okay, yeah, she didn't have all the family and responsibilities, that I do now...but I just feel like a fraud...again!

*phone rings, checks the caller ID, bright smile flashes across my face* (his ears must have been burning) "Hey, Dogface! What's up?"

"Scratch tomorrow, is it cool if we come by today?"

*pauses and smile falls* "Is everything okay?" Joey must have been able to read my mind, because the next words out of his mouth were...

"Mom and Pops are still back east, Vicky and the kids are doing what they do, everyone is fine. Wednesdays are just usually slow at the shop, but we picked up a few new appointments, so you gotta go when you gotta go, you know?"

*sighs, a sudden unexpected weight lifted* "Yeah, I know the feeling. Okay, well, I'm leaving the office as we speak. We'll see who gets there first."

"You're on."

------

As I turn down the street, I see the truck on the other end. Joey honks the horn and speeds up. I speed up just enough to slide into the driveway, just missing him as he pulls up. *gets out of the SUV and sticks out my tongue--which he returns, out of the truck window* "Quit lollygaggin' will ya?" *unlocks the door and heads inside with a head jerk for him to follow, leaving the door open behind me*

Joey and two boys walk up the driveway. "Dude, you're friends with her?!"

"More like a big sister, but yeah. Thought I was kidding, eh, Mikey?"

"Does she know about--"

"No, Brandon, she doesn't..." *Joey stops and looks both of them in the eye* "...and no one is going to tell her. Alright? We're here to pick up donations and that's it. If she ever found out, she'd have my ass. Got it?" *the boys nod*

*kicks off my shoes by the door and drops my stuff on the kitchen table, pulls out a pitcher of lemonade and some glasses, putting them on the counter*

*hollers from the doorway* "Yo, Mands, I think we a need a map."

*hollers back, as I finish pouring* "Very funny! I'm back here in the kitchen. Thought you guys might like something to drink before getting to work."

*Joey walks into the kitchen, smiles, walks up to the counter and starts passing the glasses to the boys* "Who do I have to slip the nickel to, for a tour of this place?"

"Well, if you don't bug me too much..." *smirks* "The couch is in the room over there, in front of the t.v. and the patio is out over here. I need that whole furniture set out there gone...table and chairs, the lounge...everything."

*Joey looks through the kitchen window and whistles* "You wanna tell me, what's with the makeover?"

"Remember, when I said Ol' Mandy was knockin' on the door? I'm just trying to clean house and get rid of some old memories to make room for new ones."

*Joey nods to the boys and tosses the keys* "Why don't you two get started on that couch in there."

"Yes, boss!" they said in unison and put their empty glasses on the table.

"How about that tour?"

*rolls eyes and smirks* "Fine, but I'm not sending a search party if you get lost." *starts walking down the hall and up the stairs*

"I knew I should have grabbed some bread crumbs. So...these 'new' memories, they have anything to do with that snake guy?"

"Before you say anything, he's not Spike, alright? Yes, he has blond hair...yes, he has a motorcycle, but that's where it stops. Okay?"

"Okay...if you say so. Now, how'd you two meet?"

"Oh boy...*stops and turns around*...maybe I should go back and grab the wine instead."

*Joey shakes his head* "Nope."

I tell him all about last year--in all the karate soap opera glory--and everything leading up to the divorce and afterwards...all while showing him the view from the highest point in the house, all the different rooms and working my way back down to the atrium and the patio and then into the den.

*sitting on the sofa* "Wow! Ever think about selling the story?"

*hits him with a pillow*

"Hey, watch it." *feigning sincerity as he straightens his hair, as if he was looking in a mirror* "So, you never answered the question. These new memories you wanna make, they gonna have snake guy in them?"

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

"I'm sorry? *glares* Did words come out of my mouth and I not know about it? Quit trying to read my mind, quit trying to deflect and answer the question."

"Well...I would like them to be."

"There, was that so hard?"

"There's been so much between us, we have so much in common--some not so good things, but also some really great things...it literally hurts to think about never seeing him again. We've both been hurt by the same person, and it might seem that we just want to latch onto the next port in the storm, but--"

"--after everything that's happened, I think the question is, do you trust him?" When I don't answer, Joey pokes my arm. "Do...you--

"To be honest, I have thought about that."

"Aaaannnd?"

"We're both broken, I know that...I'm not blind--at least not right now. Part of me says that 'we'd have to pull ourselves together before doing anything else. Start over with a fresh slate and build a trust on both sides without our pasts getting in the way'. But another part of me says, 'fuck it, why can't we help each other put the pieces together?'

"Then it becomes a game of odds, and *looks symbolically around the room* I know you love to play the odds." *smiles and winks*

*half smiles* "Yeah, and he has a business now, three hours away, you know, just to make it really crazy and fun. *rolls eyes and chuckles* We talk on the phone and chat online, but..."

"But what?"

"I screwed up. Trying to juggle too many balls in the air, I dropped the three most important ones. My kids."

*Joey's brow furrowed* "I thought you said--"

"Remember I told you about the boy, Daniel was training?"

"Robby? Yeah, snake guy's kid, right? I see a smile trying to peak, every time you talk about him."

"Joey, I'm not kidding, he's so much like me at that age, it's scary. Remember when I first started working with your dad? Remember what I told you about how I was, just weeks before I walked into the parlor?"

*Joey holds my hand*

"I never want him to get that far." I go on to tell him about Dutch and the hospital...and Shannon and Lucille...everything else I'd been juggling...even this weekend.

"Well, you did what you had to do to keep your head above water. That's not to say he doesn't have every right to feel what he feels. You say he's smart...got shit passed you--which I still don't believe, you must be losing it, Mands..." *he rubs his arms after I playfully punch him* "...but head and heart don't always talk to each other correctly to us adults, and he's still just a kid."

"Exactly! How the hell did your dad ever deal with me...how have you dealt with 900 kids...dude, 900, really?!"

*Laughs* "Carefully. Every one of them is different. They may seem like they're just like we were back then, but their secret combination is tweaked differently enough to make it interesting. Pops found a groove with you that worked because he didn't give up and you can't either."

"Yeah, *sighs* but he had your mom."

*squeezes my hand* "You're strong enough, Amanda, you can handle it."

"People keep saying that, I wish I could always feel it."

"Hey boss!" *Mikey hollers aimlessly from the hallway* "Truck's packed and lemonade is gone."

"That's my cue." *Joey gets up and walks into the hallway*

*follows into the kitchen* "You know, go ahead and schedule me for a week from this Friday."

"You sure?"

*inhales deep and nods* "Yeah."

"Okay. Kady will call you for the details, then."

*hugs* "Thanks, for listening, Dogface."

"Always. Pops would have my ass, if I didn't."

#cobra kai rp #amanda #joey #catching up

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carmenlire · 6 years ago

Text

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 16

Edit credit: @kindaresilient <3

Two chapters in two days? Don’t get used to this lmao

read chapter one

read on ao3

Alec stands in front of Magnus’s door and takes a breath before reaching out to knock.

He’s not nervous. Even though it’s the first time that he’s going to be visiting Magnus at his place, there’s no butterflies or lead in his stomach.

Remarkably, he feels relaxed. He’s hung out with Magnus before and it didn’t end in disaster.

Hopefully, he can keep up that streak.

Plus, it’s not as if this is a date. They’re friends, nothing more.

As Alec knocks, he takes in the corridor. Magnus lived in Brooklyn, on the top floor of one of the many buildings that had been renovated a few years ago. There’s exposed brickwork and intermittent light fixtures and it all seems to fit Magnus’s style, perfectly. It’s elegant but with character.

Magnus opens the door just a few seconds later, smiling.

“Good evening, Alexander.”

“Magnus, hi.”

Alec smiles back as he gives him a onceover. Magnus had apparently changed when he’d gotten home because he’s the most dressed down Alec’s ever seen him. He’s wearing a pair of yoga pants with a plain black singlet. His feet are bare, toes painted a dark emerald and adorned with a silver ring.

What the fuck.

Alec swallows as he sees Magnus’s arms. How were clothes able to hide so much?

He clears his throat and meets Magnus’s eyes for a beat before Magnus steps back and swings the door open wider, beckoning Alec in.

“Welcome. Did you have any trouble finding it?”

Alec steps over the threshold, immediately toeing off his Nikes.

“No,” he says distractedly. “Google Maps has yet to let me down.”

His gaze roves over what he can see of Magnus’s apartment. He sees more exposed brick, rich tapestries and colorful furniture. It’s a weird hybrid of old and new-- modern and ancient-- and Alec loves it.

From behind him, he hears, “Well, that makes one of us, darling. Once I was in Estonia trying to find this historically significant cathedral and the app just kept leading me in circles. A twenty minute stroll turned into a two hour fiasco. It was a mess.”

Alec turns around. “Maybe it was operator error,” he teases.

Magnus huffs, rolling his eyes. “Believe whatever you like. I’m usually an expert explorer, I have a sixth sense, but during that trip I got lost too many times to count. I was just running in circles. Plus, the Estonian language isn’t for the faint of heart-- I didn’t have a clue of what anything meant.”

“At least you have a story to tell now.”

“Like I need more of those,” Magnus says ruefully.

“Let’s move things out of my foyer.” He nods towards the living room and Alec follows him as he heads to the couch. There’s an infinitesimal pause, Alec only notices it because he’s neurotic, but Magnus chooses one end of the couch, the one closest to the french doors.

Alec has a minute to panic-- couch or chair or other chair-- but in the end his brain short circuits and he goes with the closest option.

The other end of the couch.

There’s an entire cushion between them and Magnus doesn’t look like he’s judging him too hard, so Alec relaxes against the surprisingly comfortable couch. It looks like it’s supposed to be a statement piece not to actually sit on, but as Alec leans against the back, it’s nice as hell.

Magnus looks smug. “Not as hard as it looks, huh?”

“I thought I was going to have to pretend like I wasn’t extremely uncomfortable for the entire night but this couch is actually a dream.”

Magnus nods a little as he settles against his armrest, bringing one leg up to tuck under the other. “I know exactly what you mean. When I first went furniture shopping, I wanted something comfortable but not shabby, you know? I walked by this couch a dozen times because it looked like something rich people have-- useless and purely decorative. But, I hadn’t found anything yet and it was in my budget so on a whim I sat down and almost melted into it. I bought it on the spot. I’ve had it eight years and it looks the same as the day I bought it-- definitely one of the best purchases I ever made.”

Alec mirrors Magnus’s position, runs a hand through his hair. “I know exactly what you mean. I bought the couch I have now when I moved out on my own. I won’t lie, it looks like shit, but it’s comfortable as hell and I know that I won’t ever get rid of it. It was the first big purchase I bought when the money came in from my first single. I’m emotionally attached to it.”

Magnus hums, looks at Alec with narrowed eyes. “I wouldn’t have expected that. You keep surprising me.”

Alec blinks. “Good surprises, I hope?”

“Very good,” Magnus says softly.

There’s a moment as the two of them just look at each other. It’s not uncomfortable, just a pause in the conversation, but it strikes Alec.

He can’t remember the last person he could share the quiet with.

He clears his throat, raises one of his eyebrows. “What are these surprises?”

Magnus grins, reaching out one of his legs to gently poke at Alec’s. “You’re a superstar, darling. I’m sure you could buy a thousand couches and it wouldn’t dent your credit card. But, you keep the first couch you had for sentimental reasons. You tip lavishly-- don’t think I didn’t notice how much you left Anna and Marv a few weeks ago. You’re not an asshole,” Magnus concludes bluntly.

Barking out a laugh, Alec says, “That’s good to know. I try not to be an asshole. I’ve been doing this since I was sixteen. I’ve seen a lot of people come and go and I just try to be good. Not the best, but it doesn’t take a lot to say please or thank you or not to trash a hotel room.”

He breaks off, stares into nothing for a minute. When he looks back up at Magnus, he finds him already staring at him, eyes intense.

“I have an image. I actively cultivate that reputation as a playboy and rockstar. I don’t hide the fact that I like to have a good time. But, I also work my ass off. Some of my peers get into the industry and they see the signing bonuses and the easy hookups and they think that’s it. They don’t see the hundred of hours that go into producing an album or how important it is to network professionally or that the life isn’t for everyone.

“So, yeah, I tip because it means nothing to me but a lot to them. That couch is comfy as hell and I’m sentimental. I’m glad you see beyond the surface, Magnus.

“I’m glad you care enough to want to,” he says, voice low.

Magnus studies Alec for a moment, eyes flitting across his face. Voice just above a whisper, he says, “Of course I do.”

He straightens and leans forward imperceptibly. Alec catches himself swaying towards, just a little.

The air is tense with the promise of something and Alec's close enough to see Magnus's eyes dilate.

Magnus jerks a little and leans back against the armrest.

Alec lets out a breath.

“So,” Magnus starts. “I have all four movies and a drawer full of take out menus. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.”

Magnus laughs. “Okay, that’s good. What are you in the mood for? I’m hungry, too.”

Alec thinks for a minute. “Is there a local place that’s your go-to? I’m not too familiar with Brooklyn but I’m sure there something you’re in the mood for?”

Alec can’t be sure, but he thinks Magnus’s eyes might drop down to his mouth for a millisecond. He shakes himself. As if.

“Twilight is a bit of a comfort watch for me-- the movies really are shit and I usually just order a pizza from this place down the block. It’s a family owned place and they know what they’re doing.”

Alec’s nodding before Magnus even finishes. “That sounds amazing. My brother dragged me to the gym for hours today. I really am starving.”

“Say no more, darling-- oh, is there anything you don’t like on your pizza?”

Alec shakes his head and Magnus stands up and heads to what Alec presumes is his bedroom. He comes back a minute later, phone to his ear. He doesn’t go back to the couch. Instead, he wanders around the living room aimlessly while he talks to whoever is on the line.

“Good evening Tony, it’s Magnus. . . Oh, I’m fine. How’s your family?. . . They do grow up so fast. . . I’m still teaching, summer classes right now. . . Yup, the usual but let’s double the bread and the brownies. Thanks man, I’ll see Mikey soon.”

He hangs up, looks over at Alec with an amused expression. “Tony likes to talk. You can’t just order pizza-- you have to observe the pleasantries. He and his wife have been making pizza for thirty years and it’s a local joint. They pretty much know everyone.”

He comes around the couch, settling back into his spot. He relaxes, sprawls out a little more.

“I usually get an extra large supreme with an order of cheesy bread and brownies for dessert. How does that sound?”

Alec’s stomach growls and Magnus laughs.

“I’ll take that as approval. Now, let me put the first movie in and we can pause it when the food is delivered?”

“Sounds great.”

A few minutes later, the starting credits start to play.

Alec usually likes to watch movies silently, especially the first time. He hates when people talk during movies, distracting him, detracting from the experience.

But-- it’s so bad.

They’re only about halfway through the first one, but Alec's already looking forward to the rest of them. Edward looks like he’d literally rather die than look at Bella, Jacob is a little pathetic, and Bella herself looks like Alec feels-- there are really no good options, here.

Magnus and him make fun of the movie until there are tears in their eyes.

They’ve just gotten past the part where Edward scrabbles up a tree, shining like a disco ball, and Alec’s absolutely losing his shit.

“Oh my God,” he gasps. “What the fuck. What is wrong with him?”

Magnus’s mouth is open to reply when there’s a knock on the door. He stands up, chuckling. Over his shoulder, he calls out, “Why do you think they live in the Pacific Northwest, darling? The sun makes them sparkle and it just wouldn’t do for people to see that.”

Magnus opens the door, taking the boxes and sliding cash to the delivery boy.

“Thanks, Mikey.”

“No problem, Magnus. Enjoy your food--” he leans to the side, sees Alec half reclining on the couch. “And your date.”

The teenager leaves, chortling, pocketing the bills.

Magnus turns around, arms full and Alec rushes up to help him, grabbing the smaller boxes.

Magnus rolls his eyes. “Youths. They’re so precocious and they think they're so funny.” He sets the food down on the kitchen bar.

“I want to say that I was never such an asshat, but tragically, I know that I was probably worse.”

Alec nods and opens the pizza box, mouth watering at the smell of garlic and cheese and sauce.

“Oh, I know I was a bit of a nightmare. I was either really quiet and surly or over the top. I was a mess. Holy fuck, Magnus, this pizza looks amazing.”

Magnus grabs plates, handing one to Alec while he opens the box of cheesy bread.

“It really does. Tony’s outdone himself tonight.”

They two plate up and head back to the living room, collapsing against cushions and resuming the movie.

They both go back for seconds and pop in the second movie, polishing off the brownies during it.

As the credits start to roll, Alec slouches in his seat a little. Their plates are on the coffee table in front of them and they’re angled towards each other, knees barely touching.

Magnus climbs to his feet and stretches.

“Ready for number three?”

Alec groans. “I’m so full that all I’m ready for is a nap. I haven’t eaten that much in ages.”

Magnus disappears somewhere but Alec can still hear his voice.

“That’s what movie nights are for, Alexander. Eating too much unhealthy food and watching questionable movies.”

He comes back a moment later carrying a huge ass blanket.

“I was getting a little chilly, but I’d rather be cold with a blanket than fine without one, so.”

He sits down on the edge of the couch and looks over at Alec, he waves his blanket a little. “Want to share? I don’t know how you’re feeling but this blanket is definitely big enough for the two of us.”

Alec debates for a second before he’s scooching over to the middle cushion. “Whoever says no to additional coziness?”

Magnus grins and sits down next to Alec, they’re sides touching.

Alec is overtly aware of exactly where they’re touching.

Magnus settles the blanket over them both, smoothing it down.

He looks at Alec expectantly and Alec gives him a droll look. “Yes, you’re right, this is the best blanket I’ve ever had the good fortune to use.”

Magnus beams. “Told you so, darling.”

What Alec doesn't say is that the blanket smells like Magnus, sandalwood a subtle scent. It's nice.

Beyond nice.

Magnus starts Eclipse and minute by minute, Alec can feel himself getting sleepier. He’s stuffed with amazing food, Magnus is a long line of warmth beside him, and the couch combined with the damned blanket is making him drowsy.

Magnus shuffles a little, moving imperceptibly closer, leaning into Alec a little more.

Alec turns away, muffling a yawn, and slides down the couch a little, leg settling more firmly against Magnus.

He closes his eyes, just for a minute, and the next thing he’s aware of is someone on top of him.

He moves, just a little, and discovers that he’s laying down. Opening his eyes, he immediately squints as sunlight comes pouring in through the french doors, hitting him right in the face.

He closes his eyes again and just takes a few minutes to breathe and get his bearings.

His eyes fly open as he remembers where he is. Who he’s with.

He looks down and gets a face full of hair, Magnus settled against his chest.

Alec has a brief thought of oh shit, but he can’t deny that this feels good.

Honestly, it’s been awhile since he woke up next to a guy and didn’t immediately look for the exit.

He moves, just a little, and Magnus hums, squeezing him from where he’s wrapped an arm around his middle.

Alec feels Magnus waking up and has a moment to panic-- will Magnus think this is too forward? Friends fall asleep together, right? This won’t turn into an awkward morning after-- forgetting that nothing even happened?

Magnus noses along his tshirt before he freezes. He looks up and meets Alec’s eyes.

There’s a moment of silence as they just look at each other. Magnus looks a little ridiculous, makeup smudged all to hell and back, his hair rumpled and Alec knows he doesn’t look any better.

“Well.” Magnus’s lips quirk up. “We didn’t get to the fourth movie.”

Alec laughs, surprised.

“No,” he agrees. “Your blanket was too comfortable. It lulled me right to sleep.”

Magnus sighs. “It is magic.”

He looks back up at Alec, solemnly. “Your hair’s a mess, Alexander.”

Alec snorts. “You should see your face, Magnus.”

Magnus jolts upright, eyes widening in horror. “I fell asleep with my makeup on! Oh, I bet I look like a raccoon that lost a fight with Sephora.”

In the next moment, he’s shrugging, nonchalantly. “It happens. It’s better that you see me like this now so that I know if this friendship can continue or if messy makeup is too much for you.”

Laughing, Alec sits up, pulls the blanket into his lap from where it was pooling on the floor.

“It’ll take more than smeared makeup to scare me off, don’t worry.”

Magnus smiles and there’s a few minutes of silence as they relax on the couch.

It’s weird, but Alec doesn’t feel need to make a mad dash to the door. He’s not feeling like a clock’s ticking menacingly. He doesn’t feel judged for not immediately making an excuse for why he needs to leave.

There’s no pressure here and it feels damned good.

His thoughts break off as Magnus starts talking.

“I don’t know what you have planned today-- we had really just discussed last night-- but I know this place that serves a mean belgian waffle. Feel like breakfast?”

Alec takes stock, grimaces. “I’d love to but I’d also really love to not look like I just rolled out of bed if we go out.”

Magnus shrugs. “I have two bathrooms with extra supplies. Feel free to get ready here, if you’re interested.”

Grinning, Alec says, “Alright, sounds like a plan. When do you want to leave?”

Magnus looks at the clock above the television. “How about forty five minutes?”

Alec nods and stands, cracking his back. “Meet you back here then.”

He starts walking but pauses, turning back. “Where’s your bathroom?”

Magnus laughs and points to the left of the entryway. “Down that corridor, there’s a bathroom that’s the second door on the right. You should have everything you need but let me know if you don’t see something.”

Alec nods and turns back. He finds the bathroom without a problem. It’s elegant, if eccentric. It’s done in shades of burgundy and there’s an elephant toothbrush holder on the sink.

He finds toothpaste, towels, and a spare toothbrush. He takes a shower-- the water pressure is amazing-- and gets out, wrapping a towel around his waist. He brushes his teeth and finger combs his hair as best he can.

He doesn’t have any other clothes, so he has to wear yesterday’s. There’s a bedroom right next to the bathroom and Alec gathers his clothes-- it’s a bitch to get dressed in a steamy bathroom.

He opens the door and almost walks into Magnus.

They both step back and Alec immediately remembers that he’s half naked, the flimsy towel wrapped around his waist the only thing keeping him decent.

Magnus seems a little dazed, staring at Alec’s chest with a sort of mesmerized intensity.

“Magnus?”

Magnus jolts, turns up to smile at Alec.

“Alexander! I was just seeing if you needed anything.”

Magnus’s gaze keeps dropping to below Alec’s face and Alec feels heat climb up his neck. While it was gratifying to be checked out, especially by Magnus, he was probably reading what he wanted into things.

Alec shakes his head a little, clearing it and realizing that he hasn’t answered Magnus yet.

“I’m fine-- I was just going to get dressed in the guest room.”

Magnus nods a little too enthusiastically. “Okay then, help yourself. I’ll leave you to it. See you in a few.”

He turns on his heel and heads to the other side of the loft.

Alec watches him leave for a few seconds before going across the hall to the guest room. It only takes him a minute and then he’s opening the door and heading to the living room.

He debates what to do. Seeing that he has twenty minutes until they’re set to leave, he walks over to the end table, picks up his phone.

Finding that it's had died sometime in the night he turns instead to the bookshelf on the wall. It looks to be a mix of knickknacks and books and Alec’s eyes snag on European Conquerors.

Alec still has his copy at home-- he’s been making slow but steady progress, saving Magnus’s chapter for last.

He stands by the wall and opens the book, easily finding his place. He gets absorbed and is startled when he hears a cough.

He looks over his shoulder and sees Magnus looking at him, brows raised.

Alec brings the book up, showing him the cover.

“I saw this on your shelf and thought I’d read while I waited for you.”

Magnus looks unguarded. “You’re actually reading that?”

Alec shakes his head, confused. “Yeah? I told you I would and I checked it out of the library. Plus, you wrote it. There’s no way that I’m not going to.”

Magnus’s face is the picture of surprise before his expression melts into one of fondness.

He clears his throat.

“Well. What do you think of it so far?”

Alec shrugs, looks down at the book.

“It’s dense but really interesting. I liked Gregor’s account of the Dutch East Indies-- I learned a lot. But I didn’t care too much about Lorsch’s chapter on Britain's economic theory. I comprehended it but I couldn’t help but think that he supported colonialism in the end. He didn’t really write as a historian.”

Magnus rolls his eyes. “That’s because the old windbag devoutly believes in British superiority and thinks that the fact that they invaded half the world is a testament to its strength and vivacity. He mourns the loss of the Great British Empire like a baby mourns stolen candy.”

He walks over to the foyer, sliding his keys into his pocket.

He looks over his shoulder. “Have you read my chapter, yet?”

Alec shakes his head, tucking the book back into its place before snagging his phone from the table.

“No.” He grins. “I figured that I would save the best for last.”

Magnus rolls his eyes but Alec can tell that he’s pleased.

“Well, then, you’ll just have to keep me updated.”

Alec smiles. “I guess I will.”

The head out the door into a warm June morning.

The sun is shining and people are milling about.

Alec and Magnus head out to breakfast and enjoy crisp, fluffy Belgian waffles, Alec insisting on paying since Magnus picked up the takeout last night.

Neither can remember smiling so much during a mundane breakfast.

Both are already looking forward to the next time they can see each other.

#httbt #my writing #hope y'all like this!!!#things are certainly getting cozy :)#dfjgdf now i gotta pack for vacation tomorrow #malec fic #malec au

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klaustozier · 8 years ago

Text

run rabbit run

So, hi, everyone, this is my first story that I will actually leave here for you guys to read, I hope you like it. I am Brazilian so I am really sorry if I messed up, be kind. TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicide, stay safe, my loves; a little bit of gore as well

💀🐰💀

October, 2014

That’s when I first me It.

It was the first time that i questioned my sexuality. I was on high school and there was a girl in my class that was so beautiful and I didn’t know if I just thought she was pretty because she really was or if I was attracted to her, then I realized that if she asked I would be okay it going out with her and maybe kissing and maybe even dating. Then I realized that I am bisexual.

And by that time people saying things about how I am started to get to me, I started to feel ashamed to be myself, ashamed to be loud and a little weird.

So two problems: I couldn’t change even if I wanted to, in any way, I couldn’t be more shy and quiet and I couldn’t be straight. And the stupid people at my school made me feel like shit everyday in that hell and my mom would never accept me as bisexual - my dad maybe, but my mom I highly doubt that she would - and then It showed up.

I was brushing my hair, looking at the mirror when hitted me, I started crying while feeling myself burn on the inside.

I started to scratch my face, with such strength that I started bleeding, my face was peeling and It appeared. A horrible looking black rabbit with sharp long teeth and black opaque eyes, It’s ears grew over my head the both of them pushing my scalp back.

And the pain was almost unbearable.

But the pain was not on the skin that was pealing from my face or the scalp lifting.

The pain came from with in.

I sobbed, my breathing quickened and I looked back at the mirror and I was okay. I was hallucinating. Was I going insane? What just happened?

And It appeared behind me. The black rabbit was behind me. It smiled when tears stream from my cheeks, while I was shaking. For some reason I didn’t wanted to scream when I saw that humanoid rabbit. Funny, in a very dark humor this creature being such a terrifying rabbit, I like rabbits so much, my favorite animal, transformed in such disgusting figure.

“Hi, Olivia” It said calmly, It’s voice was thick, “Hurts doesn’t it?” It asked and smiled when I nodded, “It’s okay, I am here now, will only get worse, sweety.”

And It wasn’t lying, it got worse, the pain was so present, I cried almost every night, feeling horrible and the rabbit was always there really close to me.

One day I understood what It was.

It was a fucking demon that got me for my vulnerability. I was sad, people were making sad, I was afraid to be me and to have feelings for girls.

One day, I started to have a thing with a girl. We hooked up and I lost my virginity with her, everything was going okay until I started to feel very lonely and she didn’t wanted to be with me just as friends, she wanted sex and she was the only human interaction that I had.

I was so alone, I didn’t have anyone else beside her that I could ask to go out with me, my best friend was a virtual friend and we lived five hours apart and I wanted to look at other human and have a conversation.

I had to make very clear that I just wanted to go out as friends and I talked to her about rabbit and that sometimes rabbit would make me so sad and so alone and that sometimes I didn’t wanted sex, I just wanted a friend.

Rabbit told me that it would happen.

Apparently she didn’t believe in rabbit and she thought I was making an excuse not to give sex like she wanted me to. Well, she left me.

“I told you that people don’t like me so much” he said while I was crying in bed, “You know what to do. You know were your mom keeps all her medicines, take some and sleep, will make the pain go away.”

“No” I answered with a sob shivering.

“Oh please you know you want to” rabbit’s slender black fingers played with my hair “My sweet girl, you know I only want to protect you.”

Fucking liar.

And one day I saw what rabbit could do, how mean and terrible It was.

I meet another girl, she was sweet and gentle and open minded and she made me so happy. Rabbit hated her.

She even believed in me when I talked to her about rabbit.

“Why would I not believe in you, Olivia? I know what It is. Don’t be afraid, I will help you.”

She was so incredible. And rabbit hated her.

I remember when It got rid of her. It opened her, It’s sharp nails dug easily on her chest, opening her flesh while she screamed and cried, and I could do nothing, I could just watch while It took her liver from inside of her and put between his sharp teeth and turned to me and started to chew it.

The sounds, oh, the sounds.

The chewing hard flesh noises and dripping blood and the cries.

The cries came from me. She wasn’t talking.

I cried and screamed for It to stop, to let her go.

“She wasn’t good for you, sweety. You may think that because she believe in me and said that would help you with me she would never live but she will never love you if you have me. FACE IT. No one will ever love you if you have me.” It said spiting blood on my face.

Funny how rabbit showed up because people were making me feel horrible and made me even worse than the others. It said one day: “I only say what you think of yourself, love. I feel how you feel about yourself. I know how you feel worthless, unattractive, a complete disappointment. My only job is making you hear yourself louder.” And rabbit loved It's job.

Rabbit ate her. From the inside out.

I thought she loved me, guess I was wrong.

At college I meet this guy, Mikey, he was so sweet and we had so much in common, it was even weird. And we were great friends, just great friends and it was so good. We would sing to twenty one pilots and my chemical romance like tomorrow would never come. I was feeling so good, like rabbit never existed.

“He will leave you as well” rabbit said one night.

“No, he will not. Mikey is my friend” I was trembling controlling myself not to cry, I didn’t wanted It to know how It’s words were getting in to me.

“He will, he will desapear like everyone else, he will make you happy and will go. No one will ever want to say if I exist.”

“And how I make you desapear?”

Terrible question.

“Dying. I swear I will go away if you stop breathing, my love” rabbit’s fingers caressed my face while the tears begging to stream down.

“I don’t want to…”

“You do.”

With trembling fingers I got my phone and dialed Mikey’s number.

“What you think you doing? Is three in the morning, he will hate you for waking him up, for bothering him, he doesn’t want to help, he already has his problems. What makes you think that you are special enough so he will make a exception for you?”

“Liv?” Mikey answered with a sleepy voice “Something wrong?”

“I… I… I…” I tried to say trying really hard not to sob or cry even more, I failed miserably.

“Pathetic” rabbit whispered.

“What’s wrong, Liv? Why are you crying?” He sounded so worried, that made me cry even more.

“Because you are weak.” Rabbit responded.

“I need to tell you something, Mikey.” I looked directly at rabbit’s eyes.

“Tell me, you know you can tell me anything.”

“Tell him about me. Lose him. Cry over him. I don’t care. You know that people that don’t have me hardly believe in my existence, Olivia.”

I took a deep breath and told him everything, from the day that I meet rabbit til this day. Mikey listened in silence, making little noises here and there to tell me he was still listening.

“I swear I will never leave you, Liv, you are the most important person of my life, how could I even think about abandoning you?” Mikey assured me.

“He is lying” rabbit hummed.

“No, he is not”

“It’s talking, uh?” He asked.

“Yes, I am sorry.” I sighed.

“Don’t be, it’s okay. Just don’t listen to it.”

“It’s kind hard, Mikey.”

“I know, Liv, but you need to try and I will help you, I will help you make it shut up” he promised.

“You can shush me for a while but you will never get rid of me, Olivia, I will always you be with you, I am part of you, the strongest part.” Rabbit said looking deep inside my eyes with the holes that were It’s eyes.

“I will help you be stronger than this, okay? We will make through this together, Liv. I will never leave.”

And Mikey never did.

And the rabbit never left as well.

But It got quiet, not mute, not dead, just quiet.

💀🐰💀

Did you guys got everything? Tell me what you guys think what all of this means, please, I really want to know, loves.

Kisses, Donnie is out.

#suicide #depressive thoughts #text #my text

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mydreamosphere · 6 years ago

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Annabelle me Herman kicked me to the curb he was Batman I was John Doe

Jeremy a rich ghost boy tried to take over my life, but we bonded in the end

Andi Mack was pregnant with Jonah’s child but they weren’t dating and Cyrus was jealous and tried to run away but andi told him it’s okay and to finally confess to Jonah/ Stewie was dating Brian and Brian was a bum ass nigga and an apocalypse happened and Brian proposed to stewie and became a better man, well dog, dog man? Man dog ?/ I was Geralt of rivia and went to a store with vesmer, and we laughed a lot, then I turned into a woman and my husband and his alternate universe selves fought and died and I became an alcoholic and ended up with another alternate in the end/ I was a power ranger, red one, trained a new ranger, all rangers came together after years and the we sang.

A vampire werewolf hybrid boy( he was born a vamp but made into a werewolf) was my friend but my bully and crush and turned me into a werewolf too and we had to do battle at the end and I’m sad cause he had to die but I loved him but I only just realized 😪

Magic world And human one, kinda hidden but not really. / Had massive amount of drugs, was in a true blood esque enviroment.

Club, took mad pills, nick was there, caught up and went on a date. We weren’t compatible, but we Rekindled friendship, I still loved him.

Extremely vivid dreams, lucid ones, feel so real, almost can’t tell I’m dreaming. Had powers and twin, dating same boy, interrogated ninjA turtles human versions, so hot. Fought giant troll beast creatures, killed one but he was cute.

Was in love with king of Spain even tho he’s married, I was his mistress and Assassin, we we’re sharing a cigarette and flirting, then he needed help with his sons’, Avalon, murder. Alex Lilly was there for some reason, all my old friends were Assassins with me actually. We last left off going through old castle ruins, but a spider got in the way, which the king found amusing XP

We were on water and ships and this guy didn’t want this little boy to be gay, so RuPaul raised him but he has to go away, and he cane back to visit with his boyfriend and it was so emotional and happy, then he went back to land and opened a matchmaker cafe and he had powers of love.

A movie about the apocalypse, people were turning into demons and the only way to avoid them was to remain absolutely still, I mean like the slightest movement and you were dead, it was one of the scariest dreams I’ve had. I turned into one and so did my friends, but we could retain our humanity, and we fought and found a way to the heavens and started to live in peace but god was trying to kill us all./ I found a man who could fly, and he lent me the power to do it, but I ended up being a natural with it and didn’t need his power, so he tried to get rid of me but I busted out of there and flew away.

An apocalypse and we had different groups trying to all meet up. I had oral sex with Mikey. Thanos came down and was looking for gamora, we got the help of the astrals from ffxv, but it didn’t work, and then went to destroy half the world. I killed a werewolf, but he had a boyfriend, they were werewolf priests ? It was weird, but I felt terrible and buried him. Then I was a surviver mountain-y guy with a pet bear, zombies were coming so I tried to find a place inside. I was gohan and was trying to steal moonshine from the Archean from ffxv with my friends that had a crush on me ?

My mom was giant, and kissed Eb. Eb cheated on Marcus. I was a white gay married to a bisexual gay that cheated with his old ex gf, we had kids, 4, and I loved them all. I went to a party and made friends except one of them thought I liked him cause I kept accidentally falling into.

Apocalypse I was Bayek of Siwa and then he died and then I was his eagle and it was sad and sweet. Years after apocalypse things are returning to normal in a pair of twins and they’re in love and yeah it was odd and animals evolved and adapted and were dangerous.

We were doing a play in front of the classical and in the basement was a monster witch, she tried to kill us all, even children, we ended up in a castle and the royals had powers too, come to find out she stole her powers from the old king and his magician, and they were the only ones able to get rid of her. I hitch hiked after leaving my brother, fought a bear, then I was at witch school and helping the head master defeat the evil assistant. I gave him head too.

This bitch was fucking with my friends so I destroyed her shit dumb Bitch, and we had a party to go to and she had no clothes

Freaky nightmare ghost

Murders and gore, a haunted house and a rabid buster.

Monsters and werewolves. Rival and me were wolves. In the end I rewrote history to fall in love with him.

Time hopped again, everyone was happy and alive. The best time so far, everyone was alive and I was in love with Anthony(tony).

Saw amazing band, on the ceiling, climbed and crawled around the ceiling and it was amazing. Jen turned a men tried to kill me and the bad mates got really violent, I turned out to be an old girlfriend turned into a man.

Kinda of a vuugle set up but at a restaurant setting but also a daycare. I was magic and he was a vamp and he confessed his love for me.

De-mitri was mad at me, and was my pimp, I lost my virginity. Madelane moved into my house, and Jonah from Andi Mack did too, was in love with Jonah. Stole my dad medicine.

Got shoot at, turned evil and ate my mother, wasn’t my fault, ghost friend made me evil but I got fixed. Joined a team, demitri was there, and healed people of nature, mall setting, couldn’t walk again. Turned out to be a past life. Witches tried to stop me from healing. Had sex with an evil henchmen and I was the top.

Dyed hair but eyebrows got dyed too, Luis cane down and I cleaned myself out for him, gross btw, and then turned into another cute boy who lied to me. So I stole his drugs and money with my mom.

Herman and me, sleep over. Love and stuff and sadness.

Was dating Sharon but he looked like fleury, he died, so I went to a witch, so remade him from clay and his hair took a year of baking and constant streams of my love and own power.

Sea monster, demonic, kidnapped women, criminal minds girls. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Reunion, fleury and me flirted and yeah.

An old entity split into 6 people, and they kept meeting throughout history. They didn’t remember past lives, only one did at a time, and the one who did remember got taken over. Found out that it’s bad side also broke away and was trying to take over the 6 one by one. The only way to stop it was to dispel the negativity they felt.

Boyfriend was demon, loved him. Marcus had a son.

Mona demon, fought him, tried to win.

Boyfriend and Melissa, had sex with him, was too tight for penetration so I fingered him, I had to be the top. I miss him.

Friends stay at cabin, werewolf bites girl. Head werewolf was hot

Witch and powers, haunted house. Huey Dewey and Louie, I was Donald but we were all human ?

Madelane and me were friends again ?

I was getting bullied by a boy from Michigan, but then I fell for him, Jackson, then had to leave, I texted but he didn’t respond, I felt terrible but something happened to his family and he had written me letters, come to find out he was the reason I survived a tragic fall, ended up costing him his football career. We reunited in the end. Also ran into Raymond outside of ronzios. Worked at rack room, but spent a lot of time in game stop which was also a psychiatric place ? And I made friends there, karina especially, but went by rina, and was looking for Skyrim switch but bought Pokémon emerald cards instead.

Was going to classical even tho I graduated and bunked and mr bar found me and I told him off. Then I got an uber in this cool as trolley thing and fell in love with the rider alexgoober?, something Dutch like, and we did it and then he broke up with me but we were looking for each other again.

I was a drug dealer trying to avoid getting arrested. I was looking for Reid, and we found him.

Girl fights off monster bird, after trying to set it free, and then demons. Loses memory, and her amphos weapon. but is saved by mysterious power, fast forward to now she’s living with a new family in the city. Demons exist and the only thing that hurts them is amphos, a plant that contains light. There’s a church that exists dedicated to amphos, a d fighting the demons. There are hunters who have weapons that can’t meld with the amphos, and they’re are nuns that use them too and speak a language to fight the demons off. You can speak the language and you have a necklace that wards off the demons.

Buff boyfriend had sex and I love him. Ticks, cause of rain, one crawled into my thumb.

Demons and It, uncle fester but didn’t want to be called that. I was two brothers and they had a falling out after receiving superpowers cause one received better powers, and it went to his head, and the other felt left out and unimportant and unloved by his brother, and went to demon world and got back together.

I was me, and I was babysitting ravens baby, and Melissa was Chelsea, and Corey was there and victor, but Corey still looked the same, raven had a Disney thing to go to, and when she left an apocalypse type thing happened, sully was there too. I traveled to Spain I guess and was trying to learn more Spanish.

Girl, powers from a alien ai robot, meets other like her, gives some to her best friend.

Boyfriend, first date, cooked for me, lived in veazie, had a cat, six sinks, need him back.

Cameron Boyce moist, went back in time and changed things for the better. Jenny and me. Me and a girl and this gon like boy, loved each other, he could control weather, he got hurt when we were kids, and it was our fault and it changed him and he became possessive as obsessive. We had to kill him but we loved him.

Serial killer brothers, believed they were predators and everyone else was prey. Until they met me, another predator. I got to know and connect with one of the brothers and I knew if things had been different we would’ve been something. We convinced them to have a shoot out, and I won, I shoot him in the throat, but I felt bad, and he seemed so heart broken that I killed him. I held him while he bleed to death in my arms.

Madelane back in life a bit, dating a boy, in love, was Luis at first then it wasn’t m then dating luis gets involved and boy stays instead of leaving for school.

Older robin, killed people, protected best friend Isabel, killed her abusive bf. Then younger robin, flashback to how he became robin and met Isabel at smart school and wanted to date a cute nerd boy.

Are you afraid of the dark/goosebumps. Kids set of nuclear bomb, had powers, before that, main girl (wind/air powers), was dating boy (flame powers), but he was angry, third girl was younger (powers of light and flight). Horror characters like Chucky/slappy tried to kill original victims, plus the new kids. They defeated them and helped past victims. I ended up dating angry boy instead.

Melissa and me in Japan kids, someone has to stay behind in the past She does, her ring breaks like it did before and she finally realizes why, this time our friend stays behind with the ring

Toys could come alive, and wanted freedom to be, but mainly they just wanted to be with loving kids. We fought, and I killed a few. After understanding them, and realizing they just wanted to be loved, I befriended them, and reunited with mine. After everything was said and done, my old friend turned bully, who was trying to help the toys in their rebellion rekindled with me, for some reason he ended up being homeless and moved in with me and family, we fought once more and kissed and lived in love with my toys and each other. My toys lived in the basement floorboards, like the borrowers, and every night and morning I’d knock on them to let them know I still loved them.

#my dreams

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