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agalactichalo · 3 months ago

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Counting to Three: Holding it Together PT. 1 (TMNT 2012)

@tmnt-write-fight Attack For @dorky-pals

A big thank you @awildaspenappeared for helping me write this!

Author Note

Author has compulsions and used bits of their own experiences in this.

I will probably move this to A03 When I can make an account.

Summary

Leo had to count to three. One, two, three. His brothers all accounted for, it kept them safe. He was sure of that until suddenly Donatello wasn't present and he panicked.

What follows are tense arguments, strains between the brothers, a fight gone bad and Leo and Donnie have a spat. Need for space vs need for safety.

An IDW event almost becomes canon because Leo and Donnie get caught out after bitching for a couple hundred words.

Word count: 2,388

♡━━━━━♡

One.. Two.. Three..

Red.. Orange.. Purple..

Raph.. Mikey.. Donnie..

The headcount loop Leo often found himself stuck in over, and over, and over throughout the day, finding himself only leaving the dojo of the lair to make sure everyone was still alive and safe. There were a few rooms the teen would check consistently, Donnie’s lab, the living room, the kitchen and Mikey and Raph’s bedrooms.

It turned into a routine, a force of habit. He would tell himself it was necessary, not wanting it to be a big deal so it was simply something to assure they were safe. It never changed from hour to hour however, one, two, three, his brother still in their usual spots, getting nothing more than a glance at most usually when he would check their space. Unless Mikey was in his room rather than in the kitchen, the youngest would sometimes try to pull him into conversation. He was smart with it, always having Leo participate in something that kept him there for more than a minute. It was sneaky but.. nice. It was the most normal feeling-thing as of late.

Unfortunately, his brother wasn’t ready to enter the dojo again, not that Leo could blame him. The empty shrine where what little pictures Splinter originally preserved being empty now made this all the more real. His room was still untouched but just the knowledge that Splinter had never reopened that door in the dojo was a haunted thought.

This day was no different, Leo had done the headcount religiously, only leaving the dojo to do so. Looking around as he made his usual rounds. One. Two. Three? Surely he just made a mistake. There had to be three. He needed to check again, there just had to be three! Where did his brother go? One: Raph was lounging in the living room, comic on his lap and Chompy on his plastron trying to follow along.

Two: Mikey was in his room and was once again flipping through a scrapbook Leo knew was filled with photos of them and Splinter. Icecream Kitty’s bowl resting next to him, as Mikey showed the cat every image he had, giving a brief story for each. Three? Donnie’s lab was empty. And he hadn’t seen the other leave it since Splinter’s death unless it was for patrol or food. Forcibly at that!

Leo kept trying to tell himself he was overthinking, that things were fine, but the only other places he could think to look were the bathroom and kitchen. Maybe the other just got hungry. He kept telling himself, that was until he was faced with another empty room. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. He can not lose anyone else. Not again! He’s already lost his father. And his brother had already been dead once!

The living room wasn’t too far away. Leo headed over to Raph with vigor. “Have you seen Donnie?!” He asked frantically, looking around the room just in case he missed sight of his tallest sibling somehow.

“Leo, you are taking this whole, checking on us thing way too far.” Raph replied as he lazily turned a page. Chompy let out a churr, which would have the teen stop reading and pet the little guy. “He probably just needed some fresh air, you know like most people? If you could call a mutant turtle a person.” He snarked, sarcasm and wit dripped from his words pooled on his tongue, ready to poison the next. He hadn’t seen the other leave but he had other things to do than babysit his immediate younger twin brother.

“Raph this isn’t funny! What if something happened? He would have told us if he left wouldn’t he?” Leo sputtered out quickly, his hands gesturing and moving aimlessly as he spoke. It felt wrong without the count being completed, his anxiety rising rather quickly. He had to finish the count but he couldn’t do that without Donnie… What was he saying? He was worried for Donatello’s whereabouts, not just that a sequence was finished.

It didn’t take long for Leo to leave Raph to his own devices, going to see if their youngest brother had seen Donnie. Mikey sitting up from his bed as his door was opened, “Hey Leo, weren’t you just in here?”

“I was Mikey,” Leo would pat his little brother's head lightly, trying to hide his anxiety. “Have you seen Donnie anywhere?” “No, but maybe he made himself smaller with some of his chemicals and sciency stuff! Oh! Oh! Or maybe he managed to make an invisibility ring, like the one I have in Mazes and Mutants!” Mikey would exclaim, grinning ‘ear to ear’ or well more accurately tympanum to tympanum.

Leonardo didn’t know if that was possible, but then again, they were just in space for six months fighting in situations that were arguably even less possible. What if Mikey was right! No that was ridiculous- but he has been right about oddities before! This was enough to kick his anxiety into high gear, making him check every room in the house again, “Donnie! Where are you?!” Leo would call out as he looked, soon getting to the one room that didn’t pass his mind to even check, the door opening before he could even reach for the handle.

“Why is it so loud out here?” Donnie would ask more groggily, his blanket loosely draped over himself. He had overwhelmed himself with all the work he was giving himself to do, finally allowing himself to get some rest. Unfortunately for him that was short lived by his brother's anxiety.

“Donnie! Are you okay? You look like shell, where were you? You weren’t in your lab or the living room!” Leo would start mother hen Donnie, his hands on his younger brother's shoulders as he spoke.

“Did you forget I have a bedroom?” Donnie asked, his eyebrow ridge raised, moving to cross his arms as he looked down at his older brother.

“You normally aren’t there- I-” Leo would start to explain to Donnie, realising how ridiculous it probably sounded now that it was being said out loud.

“You could have checked there- listen Leo, your constant checking is getting worse, it feels like every few hours-,, no, every hour at this point you are checking on all of us.” Donnie would start to explain however soon hear his twin speak, cutting him off an annoyed sigh escaping Donnie.

Raph chiming in with an, “An hour is generous Donnie.” A more annoyed tone of voice, standing at the end of the hallway leaning against the doorframe.

Donnie rolled his eyes waiting for Raph to be done before giving a “anyway what I am trying to say is it feels like it is turning into-.. or has turned into a compulsion. Well they are hard to deal with they can be helped if-"

"I don't need help! They, they aren't.. compulsions or whatever. I'm simply checking that none of my brother's are in danger. I-I” Leonardo would stop himself from being too vulnerable with his brothers, seeming too weak. “I promised Splinter to keep you all safe and so far my ‘checking’ has!"

“Leo, your ‘checking’ only feels like it is helping because it is a safe constant, when you experience compulsions, from in this case a large change. It is to avoid negative outcomes that may not even be real, they are in an unhealthy way to relieve stress and-” Donnie would grow more annoyed when he was cut off again. The mixture of being sleep deprived, overstimulated and cut off making him want to yell.

“Donnie, stop. None of that is true. Have you eaten? Last time I checked on you, you hadn’t.” Leo would try to deflect the situation off of himself, it wasn’t true after all! The other was pushing his buttons in the worst ways right now and he didn’t know how much more of his pushing he could take.

“We aren’t kids anymore Leo, we know how to handle ourselves.”

"You?! You know how to handle yourself? You can’t even take care of yourself without constant reminders to step away from your childish tinkering!” “As if you’re much better. You can’t cook anything but ramen yourself.”

“What? And you can do better?” “Actually, yes I-” “And what about how you are always the first to get hurt in every single damn fight we have?” “Oooooh, Leo swore!” Mikey chimed in, trying to ease the tension, standing at his door with Icecream Kitty’s bowl in both hands. “Leo! That is not fair-” “Fair? There is no fairness in combat. You have to be the very best or you’ll end up dead. Again!”

“Do you want to fight with a literal stick?”

“I’d do it better than you.”

“Then how about you do it!” Donnie unsheathed his bō staff from his holder and shoved it into Leo’s hands harshly before he made for the lair exit.

Leo would stare at the bō staff quietly, he knew how to react when Raph acted like this, but he didn't expect it from his other brothers! He soon snapped out of his thoughts as he watched Donnie walk away. He started to move to follow his brother.

Raph could sympathize with how his brother felt here, so he would move and hold Leo back. “Leo, let him blow off some steam,” seeing himself in Donnie as Donnie walks off.

“What? No! I can't just- Donnie come back!” Leo yelled after him, he didn't know what else to do, he can't handle himself, he's been too vulnerable lately. Everything was wound tightly on a coil he meticulously upheld. Yet he could only watch as it unraveled before him, in a mess of emotions.

Leo however would ignore Raph's attempt at stopping him from going after their brother, leading to him nearly getting tackled by Raph. He pushed his brother away, Mikey carefully grabbing onto Raph's arm. Mikey could not have another brother leave right now. “Do.. Do you want to bake something with me?”

Donnie found himself traveling to the place he usually goes to find materials for his creations, the scrap yard. Tired eyes surveyed around at the broken parts littered around in their janky, uneven piles.

He didn’t have his usual mental list of things he was hoping to find, he mostly just wanted to get away. Tinkering with technology, figuring out chemical solutions and drawing plans was his form of escapism. Though it was hard to escape when your head was too cloudy to think.

“Donnie what are you doing?” Leo would ask the bō staff held outstretched, as if offering a truce as he held the staff for Donnie to grab. “You don't need anything from here right now and it'll be dawn soon. Stop being stupid and come back to the lair.”

Donnie looked over, his gaze switched from his bō staff to his brother's gaze “I’m not being stupid, Leo. I am taking some much needed space after your constant helicoptering!”

Donnie pinched the bridge of his beak and sighed heavily. “Leo, I'm not trying to start an argument or debate right now. I'm just trying to have some space.”

“You think that leaving without your weapon, with no one knowing where you were going was the best thing to do? Seriously! I need to know where you all are, you-you-I-you could get hurt or get in trouble and we wouldn't even know.” Leo started pacing, the anxiety pulsing through his body needing some sort of outlet.

“No. You'd be far safer in the lair where I can make sure you're all safe for the moment.” Leo started tapping against the bō staff with nerves strung high. “We should go. Now.”

"Shell! Leo! I can't be there for you every second of every day!" Donnie shouted exasperated. He'd exhausted every logical option there was. Donnie twiddled his thumbs in circular, repetitive motions. Using this motion to help himself calm down and breathe, “It feels like you guys never listen to me unless it’s what you want to hear, Leo I was trying to help.”

“I’m supposed to be the one helping you guys Donnie- Master Splinter said that I was to replace him as Sensei as a-” Leo cut himself off. He swallowed thickly but continued calmly, acting as if he hadn't just choked on his words. “If anything happened to him, my duty is to solve all your problems.” Donnie listened to Leo talk, his gaze growing from annoyed to sympathetic and more sad. “Awkward sibling hug?” He offered. Stood there holding out hands, his stance more awkward than purely tense.

“Awkward sibling hug.”

The teen walked over to his older brother, wrapped him in an awkward sibling hug, two gentle pats onto his brother's carapace. “Pat. Pat.” He added trying to lighten the mood a little as he choked out, “You are our brother Leo, you may be our leader but you are our brother first, we can help our problems together.”

Donnie gave a mischievous grin, “Or we could tell Mikey you are bottling up your feelings again?” Knowing his brother would pester at Leo until he cracked. No one could resist Mikey's puppy-dog eyes.

“Okay! Okay! You win, just don’t tell Mikey” Leo would laugh, shaking his head moving to tap his brother's carapace with his hand. “Let’s just go home now before someone sees us.” “Yeah, let’s head home now.” Donnie then diverted his eyes to his staff that Leo offered once again. “Thanks.” He twirled the staff briefly before sheathed it on his back.

They snuck under the familiar fence with the large hole in it and began to make their way home when all of a sudden Bebop and Rocksteady crash down from their rooftop perch heavily. Well Rocksteady did. Bebop more or less landed on top of the rhinoceros.

This caused Leo to immediately settle into the previous preconceived notions he had at the realisation that all of his anxieties were real. If he was stopped by Raph, Donnie would be in so much danger right now. This was proof his system kept them safe because when the system didn't work, they got into dangerous situations and fights.

At least now he could protect his little brother.