#Messi’s list of achievements

[starscorners]

Messi’s list of achievements is truly staggering. He has won the prestigious FIFA Ballon d’Or award numerous times, cementing his status as one of the greatest footballers in history. With Barcelona, Messi has won numerous domestic titles, including 10 La Liga titles and 7 Copa del Rey trophies. Additionally, he has been instrumental in leading the Argentine national team to victory in the Copa America, ending a long-standing trophy drought for his country.

[getting-messi]

Aguero snapping back at Zlatan PLEASEEHEJEJSJDDJKDKSJD

[keypaa]

Astrology Observations No.6

with lovely @sc0rpi0suntaurusm00n

Saggittarius suns, moons and mercurys don't have a social filter, they say what everybody is afraid to say blunt af. Jupiter the optimist makes them confident to say what they mean, feel or think (Sun,Moon,Mercury)

If you have venus in tense aspects with neptune you need to do a reality check of your relationships now and then, because sometimes you will put the people around you on a pedestal and other times you will dislike people because they don't fit into your picture perfect fantasy anymore. Just needs some work.(Neptune is like a siren that wants to sell you a fantasy that isn't there, and when you follow her whistles she gets you. Venus energy wants to receive, get loved and share love. So combining these two energies in a tense aspect like a square or opposition gets messy)

Saturn square north node + the south node are generational breakers. Their upbringing was hard and truly intense

Scorpio mercurys don't mind sounding too direct they will ask you anything if they want to know the answer. Oh I saw that you talked about me on a tuesday girls night with ... around midnight, why did you do this...¿😆

Capricorn suns please let us know how to help you. You go through traumatic sh*t, and after all that you stay humble and act like nothing happened

Jupiter aspecting neptune in a positive way love to create art (all forms of art), it makes them genuinely happy ^^ Neptune has to do with artsy stuff, singing, imagination jupiter expends this energy

Mars in leo want to achieve something (whatever it is) The ego is also ruled by leo, so leo placements feel worthy if they achieve something for themselfes

Pure devine love is something that pisces venuses and moons are capable of giving to human 🫘 But they will also text or call you multiple times if you don't answer (Especially Pisces suns with a pisces venus)

You just want to listen to people who have scorpio mercurys, they always have something interesting to say...They know the secret spots, newest updates overall everything that is hidden honestly

Taurus moons have the ability to become real successful and are some of the warmest people if they let you in :) They like to be confortable and also give this energy out to their beloved ones

Mars in aquarius are known to behave different than the rest of their peers. Nothing that is bad, we need more people who think outside the box and follow different life tracks

If you have your moon (square,opposition) your venus list of your emotional needs and your definition of love and find a solution to combine both, if you not want to hurt the people around you regarding showing them your feelings. Due to this conflict of wanting to show love and not being able to express your feelings as you would like to this technique could possibly help you (:

Taurus venus attract love easily (best example: Ariana Grande MASTER MANIFASTOR)

Leo moons love receiving princess treatment and they know how to get it aswell ;)👑 They are LOUD with their wants and needs

Gemini moons get borderline crazy in their love reationships. One day they LOVE the other they despise you and the cycle begins again (also if you have a gemini venus)

Leo placements are either one of the most timid people you will ever meet or they

want all attention on them

Why did I meet a whole lot of taurus sun boys that struggle with finding real genuine love

Mars in sagittarius are se*ually free people. They like going after their needs and what they feel free to do

Sun (trine,conjunct,sextile) jupiter are confident at their core or they come off as such. It gives the personality an optimistic vibe

Venus in virgo are the most devoted lovers on the world, they will not forget your anniversary (and get real mad if you do), take care of you, pay attention to your dislikes & likes

If you have sun in scorpio degrees your real personality is so hidden from the public. Everybody is going to want to figure out who you are only to discover a new personality trait of yours every now and then

Virgo man get the ick real quick. Why do they hate on women without a reason, boy get that frustration out in a healthy way

Aquarius placements may feel excluded from groups a whole lot but later in their life they find their people and have a good amount of friends around them. Also people who start trends and influence a whole generation (XxxTentacion, Paris Hilton,...)

@sc0rpi0suntaurusm00n part:

Pisces moon - these are the folks who you see drawing in a corner or reading an interesting book, whether it is mixed with fire or air there will always be an ethereal Aura or a mystery to these natives 🫶

Cancer moon - shy individuals quite often. Not ones to initiate contact but definitely enjoys some attention to their needs. Cares about their mother or maternal figure quite deeply. Often times these individuals have a significant relationship with the mother which is part of who they are, single mother raised is quite common and adoption is likely as well from what I have seen. There may also be a misogynistic type in lower vibration natives from what i have seen

Capricorn moon - they may seem like the mysterious yet charismatic type but deep down there is a lot under the surface. These natives being cardinal signs, they can relax into something and then when you least expect it their passion and drive is unstoppable. You never know when they're tumultuous emotional life might break through the surface and send them blazing toward a new goal.

Taurus moon - (I am biased as a Taurus moon myself lol🫣)they may have a soft spot for comfort and stability, and typically the pinnacle of finance, care, and stability (although when mixed with sag it may be expressed quite unconventionally) Taurus moon natives are the least likely to make plans and change them due to "not feeling like it" if they are going to do it, they will. Taurus moons are always sharing their food OR they will never let you touch it - no in- between lol😭

Aquarius sun - Aquarius is very different, what I notice in common is the respect for difference. Often these signs are good with computers lol (maybe just because I have 3rd house aqua). The Aquarius man can be so caring or they can be cold, but they have a soft spot always -whether it is a quirky girl or a Quirky interest. These are often the people who want to be first to do something- the trendsetters... Although some can just be quite on top of trends-i have never seen an Aquarius who wasn't ahead of their pears in something whether fashion electronics or anything new.

Scorpio moon - one of my personal favorites💕, but I'm so biased lol(Scorpio stellium🤫) although these natives are known for having rough lives which is true, these peeps are totally down for a trauma dump sesh, or just a really good rant when you are their close friend. The female Scorpio moons are often friends with more females- might be gay even but too stubborn to act on it. There is always something interesting going on in their emotional world. Either the purest virgin or somewhere between that and a man eater... Scorpio moons do not play around, they are often no bs types whether mixed with air or fire -except for Libra placements sometimes if undeveloped.

Aries moons - omg 🤍 y'all are so passionate with your emotions, like if you are mad you can have a hard time hiding it, but yall are just made to be a ball of passion. There is nothing you do that you do not put your whole heart into, if you don't have your heart in it you won't do it. You can set boundaries a little too rough sometimes for us water signs, but it's okay because you are baddies and need that extra space for chasing passions. PLuS You are always loyal anyways so we don't mind. Aries moon has a really hard time holding a grudge against people, because y'all just want to live and let live. Amazing peoples! especially the girlies whom I have met. The lower vibrations can be super flirty and super flighty tho🫠

Pisces and Aries are actually a really great duo, despite what the horoscope things so often say - pisces and Aries are the most common duo i see i believe this is due to the fact that pisces is at the end of the zodiac and Aries is new to the cycle. Its like opposites but they are also alike which is perfect for a friendship.

Unlike me, a scorpio, since i don't often have libra best friends although libras fall into my 11th house - might be due to my lilith placement being in libra as well...😭

Virgo mercury can be so intentional with their words, and this mixed with virgo mars can make for a really sharp mind but also sharp words in an argument.

- That is part of what makes cancer (sun/moon) and virgo moon a good pair in a relationship, because cancer (sun/moon) is very emotionally intelligent and virgo moon is often good at compartmentalizing emotions and rationally dealing with emotions, and often times cancer (sun/moon) need to learn to balance emotions with reason

Moon quincunx to Mars or mars square moon aspects may cause anger issues in men, specifically cancer moon Sagittarius Mars or Aries Mars. As well as Aquarius moon with Virgo mars.

Pisces placements remind me of the most beautiful expression of emotions. The positive expression of pisces placements can be expressing deep and dark emotions through arts, music, love, and things that are beautiful expressions of feelings. Some pisces placements are old souls having to go through rough experiences in childhood, like experiencing many be lifetimes in one life, it reminds me of what I believe mMitski said best 'I was so young when I behaved 25'

April Mercury Rx in Aries!? Was I the only one or no? - there were so many fights and arguments...as well as exes coming back 🫣 like as a scorpio mercury rx it wasn't that crazy for me but my friends had their exes come back into their lives and there was even a small fight which is very mars..

_______________________________________________

If you would like you can join my spiritual family glad to have you here, and never back down never WhAaAT! Keep your hopes in life up always¡ :)

Luvv muah

555

7:25 PM

© 2024 the content is subject to the copyright and responsibility of the author

[shegatsby]

Love Thy Enemy

Summary; Y/N Atreides had always been a stranger to the entire galaxy, her bed wasn’t her bed, her home wasn’t her home due to the fact that she was sent to accompany and be sisters with Irulan. She had limited access to her actual family and over the years they grew distant. She thought she would be like Reverend Mother, alone, yet powerful, and soon she would realize that there was no need of being alone when a wild creature had his eyes on her for a long time.

A/N; HI!!! Its been a long time since I wrote a series but i cannot resist Feyd. English isn''t my first language so go easy on me. There will be smut in the future chapters. TAG LIST IS OPEN!!!!!! (Reader has a lover and Feyd's going to find out lol 😉😉😉)

Warnings; None. Female Bene Gesserit Reader x Feyd-Rautha, enemies to lovers! reader is reffered to as she/her.

Words; 1.520K

Chapter 2

Chapter One – ‘’Meeting in flesh and blood’’

‘’Right behind you!’’ Irulan screamed as she was riding her horse to match Y/N’s. Y/N was a skilled rider, the wind in her long hair, she laughed at Irulan’s attempt of winning the race and focused on the finish line. Planet Kaitian which was the second Capital of the Corrino Empire had so many opportunities for Padishah Emperor Shaddam’s daughter Irulan and his beloved Y/N. The planet had forests, lakes and rivers so Y/N didn’t miss much of her home planet Caladan, she sometimes tossed and turned in her bed thinking of her family members but she was taken to Kaitain years ago. Irulan and Y/N were the same age and when Shaddam couldn’t have more children he asked Duke Leto Atreides to bring his first born daughter to be sisters with Irulan. Leto tried to find so many ways to refuse Padishah Emperor yet he was the ultimate power in the entire galaxy and Leto had no choice but to give his daughter Y/N. She was one years old when the arrangements were made. She could see her family at political events or celebrations, she had been in Caladan few times yet she felt stranger to the planet and she felt stranger to Kaitain as well. She has always wondered if, by any chance one day she would feel the sensation of ‘’being at home’’ nowhere and no one was her home. Maybe this was her fate.

When she finished the race her horse calmed down, Irulan followed behind. ‘’I swear you’re cheating and I am going to find out.’’ She was joking of course, Irulan and Y/N had a close relationship yet Y/N never forgot that she was a princess and there for needed to be treated more cautiously than the other lords and ladies of the galaxy. Together they hopped off of their horses, ‘’Walk with me.’’ Irulan’s  voice was soft yet direct. Her short blonde hair got messy, hem of her white long dress covered in mud, she was carefree when she was with Y/N.

Y/N had the color of her house Atreides. Green. Her green dress felt so light, they were walking on the grass for few minutes in silence., Y/N knew that Irulan wanted to say something.

Palace’s gardens were evergreen, gardeners achieved perfection. Gardens smelled of flowers at any time of the year. Irulan stopped in her tracks, they turned to soak in the scenery before their eyes, the entire planet was under their feet. Servants’ chatters could be heard, no matter what they were never alone. ‘’Soon my father will throw a ball for me.’’ She looked distant, Padishah Emperor Shaddam never had parties without a solid reason, it must be political. Before Y/N could ask Irulan explained simply, ‘’I will meet the man I have to marry.’’ Y/N knew one day that she had to marry someone in order to protect the power they had over the galaxy but she never thought the date would come this quick. Y/N had already a lover, only Irulan knew because he was from a lower house. She had a childish hope that one day she would marry him.

Irulan laughed in sarcasm, ‘’How I wish to be you, sister!’’ it was obvious that Irulan dreaded the situation.

There were no arrangements for Y/N and she was free for a long time or so she thought.

‘’I trust in Emperor’s decision. He won’t wed you to someone unworthy.’’ She tried to encourage her dear friend but Irulan stood there like a stone. ‘’Let’s head back.’’ Y/N said. A hollow silence followed them to the dining hall. Emperor couldn’t attend because he was dealing with preparations of the ball. The white marble fire place was lit and orange colors danced in the room, the dining hall was adorned with lavish furniture and a long wooden table. The wood came from Giedi Prime, it was called Pilingitam.

 Irulan seemed troubled, ‘’What’s on your mind sister?’’ Y/N asked. She was concerned for her, if she knew that she had to be concerned for herself…

She watched Irulan’s palm slithering on the Pilingitam table,’’ Majority of the houses will be at the ball,’’ she looked up to meet Y/N’s curious eyes, ‘’The Harkonnens will be too.’’ Y/N’s blood ran cold, she remembered the times where Emperor used to take them to Giedi Prime for political reasons. They had to sit and watch the games in the black and white arena. Gladiators killing each other…

She remembered a boy with pure blue eyes and full lips, ‘’I will fight there too when I’m old enogh.’’ He was sitting next to Y/N in his black outfit. He closed the tiny gap between him and Y/N, and he spoke quietly, ‘’Will you come and watch me?’’ he was speaking as if killing was a normal act. His knee touching Y/N’s, she remembered distinctly that the boy interlaced his little finger with hers. They were ten and yet Y/N could see Baron Vladimir’s influence on his poor nephew.

Y/N didn’t need to go back in her memories to detest the Harkonnens. Their families were in and out of war for centuries. Thankfully for a long time peace was kept. ‘’I will manage.’’ She insured Irulan with a genuine smile yet it wasn’t enough. Y/N brushed it off, after dinner she had mental training anyways.

Until the day of the ball she corresponded with her lover, Pyramus

He was a tall man with dark curls and jet black eyes. His beard always tickled her face.

She spent her days training and accompanying Irulan. Irulan grew restless as the they approached.

One by one the ships started to arrive, one could look up to the busy blue sky and see. Y/N’s family arrived early to see her and spend time with her. Lady Jessica, her mother, immediately questioned her about Y/N’s Bene Gesserit training, Duke Leto was happy to see her daughter once again. Paul, her one year younger brother gave her a tight hug.

They were united once more, she escorted them to their quarters in the palace and retrieved to get ready for the event. She wore a green dress with emeralds on her chest and waist, her maid braided her hair in Atreides style. She also wore an emerald tiara. Paul Atreides knocked on her door to escort her to the ball room, he looked sharp in his dark green suit. ‘’You seem nervous.’’ He questioned, -Y/N knew that her mother was teaching Bene Gesserit ways to her brother,- yes she was nervous because she was going to be reunited with her lover. ‘’Too many people.’’ She responded. Servants were running with food and wine on the corridors, music could be heard from a distance. Members of houses were having conversations about spice, politics, etc.

The doors of the room were open, inside was lit by the yellow warm lights coming from glowglobes, guests laughing and drinking. Tallest member was Baron Vladimir due to hanging in the air, eating like a mad man but she ignored him.

Her eyes searching for her lover, so blind to an outsider who got her under his radar.

Paul and Y/N walked to the table of their house, ‘’You look lovely my girl.’’ Duke Leto kissed her daughter’s forehead, it didn’t go unnoticed by a certain someone. He was a snake, silently slithering close to his prey.

Padishah Emperor Shaddam and his daughter Princess Irulan were announced and slowly entered the room, everyone bowed. They took their seats and Emperor greeted everyone, thanked them for coming to his feast and he also announced that he would choose the life partner of his daughter among his unmarried male guests. Duke Leto found himself watching his daughter with sad eyes, he wondered if he could see her wedding one day. Would she be happy and fortunate like him? Only time would tell but he prayed quietly.

It was time to dance, couples held each others’ hands and marched to the dance floor, Paul excused himself and went to ask the princess to dance with him. Leto happily asked Jessica to dance with him, Y/N wished that they were officially married but to keep his position as a powerful bachelor, other houses worked for him hoping that one day Duke Leto would marry one of their daughters. It was a well played game of chess on Atreides’s part. Y/N watched Irulan and Paul talking silently and dancing.

Soon Pyramus came with a huge smile. He kissed her hand and winked at her, ‘’My beautiful lady, would you be so kind and accompany me on the dance floor?’’ she tried so hard not to grin, ‘’Of course my lord.’’ He was in his house’s color, yellow. Hand in hand they mingled among the other couples, ‘’I’ve missed you.’’ He whispered. ‘’Not here.’’ She used the voice on him and his mouth closed in a second. Only their eyes talked.

They heard a rough cough and turned to face the intruder, Y/N had no idea that she would meet him in flesh and blood, ‘’Feyd…’’

[writingquestionsanswered]

Tips for writers with ADHD that get major writers block/burnout

Writers with ADHD and Writer's Block/Burnout

Tip #1 - Troubleshoot the Problem - I want to start here, in the most obvious place, because even for writers with ADHD, writer's block is often the result of a specific issue that can be surmounted once identified. My post 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! addresses some of the most common ones. It's worth checking to see if something on there resonates with you as a potential obstacle to progress.

Tip #2 - De-Stress Your Writing Time - Human brains are wired to respond in specific ways to perceived threats... fight, flight, or freeze. Quite often, what we call "writer's block" is actually your brain having a freeze response to writing because it's causing you stress and is therefore perceived as a threat.

So, anything you can do to de-stress your writing time can help. Troubleshooting the problem as in #1 is a good start. Set reasonable goals and deadlines... you can estimate your available writing time and calculate that with your estimated WPM to see if it's even possible for you to hit your word count goal. Go easy on yourself when you don't reach goals... celebrate even the smallest of wins, because negative thinking makes writing more stressful. Do what you can to set up an inviting writing space, light a candle (safely), play soft music, use ambient lighting, have your favorite beverage and snack at hand.

Tip #3 - "Gamify" Your Writing - Turning your writing goals into game achievements can make writing fun, which is another great way to de-stress it. You can usually find free game board templates online, or you can create your own. I like to set mine up like this:

You can set as many tasks as you want (within reason) for each goal, and your prizes can be anything from a handful of candy to buying something you really want, or doing something you really want to do. Whatever works for your budget that motivates you to get the tasks done.

Tip #4 - Do an Immersive Writing Sprint Session - YouTube is a wonderland of helpful videos for writers... not just easily digestible writing advice and research information, but also writing music, ambience rooms, and one of my favorites, immersive writing sessions. These are themed ambience rooms with ambient video, music, and sound effects, but they also have a writing sprint timer on the screen, so you are encouraged to write for however long (usually 10 to 20 minutes), then you get a five or ten-minute break before the next sprint starts. These can be a really great way to get into the zone if you're struggling otherwise.

Tip #5 - Eliminate Distractions - When you have ADHD, pretty much anything can be a distraction. If my desk is messy, I'll pause mid-sentence to clean it rather than write. If there's something on my desk I can fidget with or play with, I'll do that. If my phone is handy, I'll pick it up and start scrolling through social media. If I'm listening to music with words, I'll go look up the lyrics and fall down some weird tangentially related rabbit hole. If I'm hungry or thirsty, I'll get up fifty times to get a small snack or drink. So, I clean my desk ahead of time and remove anything I might be tempted to fiddle with. I only play instrumental music (usually an ambience room). I put my phone on silent or leave it in another room.

Literally anything I can do to head my usual distractions off at the pass. For me, it actually makes a big difference. Try keeping a running list of things that distract you while writing during a week of writing sessions. Then, go through the list and write solutions. This helps you build a pre-writing session distraction elimination routine.

I hope something here will work for you! I may do a part two to this soon, so keep an eye out!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[thejournallo]

Manifestation Method Masterlist!

This is a master list for every manifestation method because the other one was getting messy, and I don't like messy!

I want it, i got it:

Tips for manifesting Manifesting Physical Appearance Manifesting overnight (or at a certain time) How do i manifest WITHOUT a method? the diary method the 55x5 or 33x3 the 3-6-9 the 2 cups the no technique subliminal scripting vision board the rose quartz the pillow method the movie method the 17-seconds acting as if (Wouldn’t it be nice if) S.A.T.S manifestation box the cross method placebos left/right a love letter robot affirmations "i am" list the void state the void state pt.2 the eavesdrop the Q&A can i please have more? W.I. freauencis and vibrations Energy Exchange HOW-TO LIST How to manifest when you don’t believe The Dream book The Difference between the void and the void state it is happening. How to fight a negative thought Wish-list. How to ignore the 3D and how to do it. Talking about living in the end How to achieve our manifestation in less than three days. Everyone is you pushed out.

My other lists

[arielleslipgloss]

How To Get The 2014 Tumblr Girl Look!!

“Cause I’d rather live in my dreams.” - Madison Beer

1. Fashion!! The 2014 Tumblr girls have always had iconic fashion taste. Whether it’s the off-the shoulder sweaters/tops, the pink and girly clothes, the mini skirts, etc. As for accessories they love cat ear headbands, handbags/totes, and flower crowns. The Tumblr it girls love Victoria Secret, PINK!, Aeropostale, Hollister, and Brandy Meville fashion pieces. They aim towards fashion pieces that matched their feminine and bubbly energy. Lastly, don’t be afraid to be “basic” or bold when it comes to fashion. Have fun with fashion! Try experimenting with different colors and accessories.

2. Makeup!! Either you keep your makeup simple or you go all out with bold winged eyeliner. Sometimes you may even want both. For a simple look, try a little concealer, blush, mascara, Ariana Grande inspired winged eyeliner, slight bit of highlighter, and a nude lip (or lip gloss.) For a more messy look try, foundation, a slight bit of black/brown eyeshadow, mascara, little blush, winged eyeliner, lip liner, and your choice of lipstick. If you want to experiment, I recommend keeping blush, winged eyeliner, and any lip product(s).

3. Hair!! For hair the Tumblr girls loved beach waves, messy buns, VS angel inspired blowouts, and messy braids. The Tumblr girls also were big on hair accessories. When it came to hair accessories they mostly aimed towards headbands. However, let’s not forget about some bow clips. Both accessories listed are statement pieces you can never go wrong with!!

4. Mindset!! The 2014 Tumblr Girl has her own mindset. That is, whoever her true and authentic self is. She doesn’t shy away from being her own authentic self. However some main points to her is, she is kind to others. She doesn’t let negativity get to her. Nor does she care whether people like her or not. Which is because she already likes herself the way she is. And that’s enough.

6. Must haves!! In order to achieve the 2014 Tumblr girl look you’ll need, an iced latte, VS & Brandy Melville clothing, ESOS lip balm, VS lip gloss, a body glow moisturizer/oil, fashion magazines, fun sunglasses,

“I think that you deserve to give yourself a good cry if you want one.” - Madison Beer

Love you dolls!! Stay healthy and pretty 💗

Xoxo, Arielleslipgloss 💋🎀

[barbwritesstuff]

Thicker Than - Monthly Update

Happy full moon everyone! I hope you had a great month.

I've updated the public Thicker Than demo:

You can play it here.

Please let me know what you think.

I’ve been mostly working on Chapter Six this month. It’s still early stages, but I’m hoping it’ll be really fun when it’s finished. I also fixed up some issues with existing chapters (eg, added new paths to get to certain scenes etc.) which was something I’ve been meaning to do for a while.

However, overall, I’m not very happy with this update. It’s really short, and a lot of it I think needs to be reworked and fixed up.

Real life has been a bit messy recently, which I think is why I haven’t been writing as well as I usually do.

But, even though I’m not 100% happy with the update, I still wanted to share it just to show my progress and keep getting feedback. I’m really grateful for all your encouragement and the ideas you’ve been sending my way. There are some I haven’t had time to implement yet, but they’re on the list of things I’d like to do.

Here is the link to my KoFi page if you'd like to support me or sign up for weekly updates.

Happy hunting, vamps. 💙

Update details:

As of the 27th of November 2023

Added more scenes to Chapter Six

Added new achievements

Several bug and spelling fixes

Additional Words: 15,365 (excluding commands)

Total Word Count: 148,336 (excluding commands )

[zorrasucia]

Promptober 5. Vampire

from @carmenberzattosgf list

Reader x Carmy Berzatto (The Bear FX)

Rating: Explicit (1.5k)

Tags: Smut, Porn with Plot, Vampires, Biting, Food, P in V Sex, Flowery Writing, Both Carmy and Reader have a bit of a praise kink

When you met Carmy, you first noticed his eyes - an unnatural shade of blue, bright and piercing. His blond hair was perpetually messy and too long for a chef. Upon closer inspection, you realized he was stronger than he looked. He wore all these peculiarities well. He had a sort of timeless beauty, the kind of profile you would find in a neoclassical painting, not an Instagram account. You had told him that last bit when you interviewed him - getting a frown and not much else in return.

You were an emerging food critic, not an investigative journalist, but something about Carmen Berzatto gave you pause. His backstory was fucked up, ages and achievements not lining up correctly. He looked too old at 22 but a little too boyish now at 32. He never ate his own food in public, or any food for that matter, only occasionally indulging in the odd glass of wine. He was shy, withdrawn, hard to pin down...

Which was ironic now that he had you pinned down by the wrists on your bed, his face buried deep in the crook of your neck, breathing you in.

"Delicious," he mumbled.

You hummed, arching your back in delight, trying to get your bodies closer together.

"Are you going to make me beg for it?"

"Maybe," he teased, his hands tracing your sides greedily, then squeezing your ass.

The needy way he was exhaling into your hair let you know you weren't the only one affected.

"What do I smell like?" you asked, your hands carding through his soft hair.

"Sweet," he replied. "Honey, raspberry. Something else... A hint of bitter, almonds maybe, dark chocolate."

You rewarded him with a chaste kiss. "Had some coffee with it too."

"You're spoiling me," he smiled, his teeth eerily white and sharp in the half lit room.

It was an odd arrangement you shared.

After your review, months ago, he had called, making some dumb excuse about needing a fresh palate to taste his new menu. He fed you an incredible dinner, sat in front of you, and then asked detailed questions about it, far beyond your usual feedback. He liked the way you painted pictures with words, he said. Most colleagues looked down on metaphors, describing his broth as an ethereal, pink, seaside afternoon would raise some eyebrows but Carmy seemed to love it. Weeks later, when you knew his secret, he would confide in you: he had forgotten what food tasted like. Lifetimes' worth of cooking knowledge was becoming stale as he grew older and less human.

It all came to a head when you met him for another dinner and started describing your lunch from a few hours ago.

"It was steak with carrots on the side, right? The steak was meh, you know, but the carrots were these, uh, buttery, terracota delicacies. Golden like a sunset, earthy, well rounded..." you explained, knowing by now he liked over the top similes.

You were confused to find a very intense look on his face.

"Want to come over to my apartment?" he rasped.

It was out of nowhere but you agreed, your stomach fluttering expectantly at the thought of Carmy's hands on your body. The moment the door was shut behind you, he crowded you against the nearest wall. You gasped.

"Don't be scared," he murmured. "I just want a taste."

And with that he sunk his fangs on the side of your neck. A wave of bliss hit you, rolling your eyes as he sucked on your blood. You rubbed your thighs together, shaking, feeling something akin to a very long orgasm as Carmy held you, his graceful fingers around your throat.

"What are you doi- Oh!" you moaned long and low, losing yourself in the pleasure he was giving you, getting light-headed as he kept drinking. "I have never felt so- Carmy-"

It was a pitiful and breathy sound and he stopped.

"Sorry," he exhaled, blood covering his lips. "You were right."

"About?" you could feel yourself drifting out of consciousness and him carrying you to his couch.

"The carrots," he said, like it was obvious. "Tremendous."

You giggled and passed out.

It all made sense after that: The Bear never opened before dusk, the long NDAs the staff had to sign before they were hired, the neverending list of secrets Carmy possessed.

"I could write about this, about you," you threatened the next time you saw him.

"You could. No one would believe you," he threatened right back. "I wouldn't feed you or bite you ever again either."

God help you, he was addicting. And so things stayed like that. You reviewed top tier restaurants and Carmy sampled them from you, gifting you dinners at The Bear and pleasure unlike anything you had ever experienced. Sometimes you fucked, sometimes you didn't. It was strange but it worked.

You grabbed his neck, angling his face and your body to invite him to bite you - guiding him towards that spot near your nape.

"Not yet," he murmured. "Think it would taste better if you came first. Desserts always do."

"Alright. If you must," you faked disinterest, now focusing your efforts on bringing his hips closer, grinding against his half hard cock, humming at the feeling of it through your clothes. "Mmm... Does it really make a difference?"

"Yes. Can't describe it really. You're the one that's good with words," he deflected, his hands busy getting you naked, untangling the pantyhose from your legs.

"Try," you insisted.

"Mmm," he kissed up your legs, following the line of some vein or artery, you assumed. "It makes the blood brighter, almost effervescent. And your heart beats harder - it's like it rushes to meet my tongue."

"Fuck," you hummed.

This was your version of dirty talk, and you enjoyed it immensely. If nothing else came out of this situationship, perhaps you'd write a cryptic poetry book or something.

He climbed up your body, his face level with yours, moving one strand of hair behind your ear.

"What are you thinking about?"

You shrugged. "There's so much I still don't know about you," you intertwined your fingers with his.

"Like?" he tilted his head.

"How long are these going to last?" you questioned looking at his tattoos.

"I actually don't know," he admitted. "I think they will fade but I'm not sure when."

You chuckled. "Bold choice to get them, then."

"You're inches away from my fangs," he reminded you dryly.

"I am," you arched your neck to kiss his jaw, then nip at his neck - he hissed.

His cock poked at your entrance, teasing. You opened your legs even wider, inviting him to ravage you.

"Fuck, you're warm," he exhaled as he entered you, inch by inch. Your nails scratched at his back, leaving no marks behind.

"Carmy," you whined, needy as he thrust in and out of your pussy. "Please."

"Mmm?"

You enclosed him with your legs, ankles crossed at his waist.

"Please," you begged, knowing well he wouldn't bite you until you came.

"Such a good girl for me," he praised, the tight grip of your pussy making him groan and go faster. You chased your peak, rubbing at your clit eagerly.

"You feel so perfect," you panted, the waves of your orgasm building, your hips bucking to meet his. "Fuck."

Wanton moans were falling from your lips as you became a mess underneath Carmy.

"Like that," he soothed, one hand moving to cup your breast and pinch your nipple, pushing you over the edge.

"Oh..." you sighed, feeling pleasure and electricity coursing through your veins, legs shaking around his waist.

"Fuck, that's it," he growled and bit you.

The pulsing intensity of your orgasm got mixed with a cloud of euphoria - you felt light and floaty, your pussy still fluttering around Carmy's cock as something else took over. His breath on your neck was feral and possessive as he drank from you.

"Carm..."

And there it was again, the world slowing down, tunnel vision, the only thing keeping you grounded was Carmy's hair between your fingers.

He let go, swiping his tongue over the bite mark, not letting one drop go to waste.

"You good?" he asked after a while, his thumb caressing your cheek.

"Mhmm," you nodded, opening your eyes to meet his.

He looked softer after he fed, a little warmth to his skin, he seemed more human.

"Can you stay a little while?" you asked.

His nose touched your forehead. "I'll wait until you fall asleep," he agreed. "I need to go back."

You smiled softly.

"Thanks for tonight," you said, slipping under the covers, the warmth of your bed quickly lulling you to sleep.

"Thank you," he said and kissed your forehead. "Rest."

[bunny-lily]

Tether Me - Chapter 2

Pairing(s): Geto/Gojo/Reader

Summary: “Hey! Didn’t keep you waitin’ too long, did we?”

“No, not long,” you assured, fighting hard to keep your eyes off his friend for however long possible, vainfully clinging to your sanity. You knew that as soon as you centered your vision on him, your ability for conscious thought would evaporate. 

You wanted to present yourself as at least marginally normal as a first impression, though you doubted you were achieving that by avoiding the obvious third presence. You were surely coming off as rude, you really should–

“This one's Geto Suguru,” Gojo introduced the noiret by his side, nipping your overthinking at the bud.

At last, your full attention was guided to him.

Oh.

Oh. That was a mistake.

CW: No y/n | polyamory | slow burn | slice of life | alt au - no curses | fluff | light angst | eventual smut | forgive me, there's internal monologues | I like using big words... | Gojo & Geto are whipped for you | emotionally constipated reader | (most of the tags have been condensed, you can find the full list on my ao3 here)

AN: there's a couple mentions of emotional eating (in thoughts). Degrading words towards self (slut, whore, etc) but not self-degrading. I think that's it? Lemme know if I missed something, it's 5:50 am at time of posting and I am eepy, so I'm sorry if I did ♥

Ch: Prologue | Ch: 1 | Ch: 2 | Ch: 3 | Ch: 4 | Ch: 5 - 1 | Ch: 5 - 2

WC: 12.9k

The scent of something marvelously delicious wafting through the air had you groggily rolling over from your stomach to your back in bed, stretching your arms above you and practically vibrating the way a cat would as you eased away any sleep-induced tension from your muscles.

You honestly hadn’t slept that well in a long while. You were bleary-eyed, sure, but refreshed. You didn’t have any heavy bags under your eyes, you didn’t experience any nightmares of being hunted. Just calm, good, dreamless sleep.

As much as you wanted to laze around in bed all day, though, the watering of your mouth couldn’t go ignored. Or the rumble in your stomach, for that matter.

With a sleepy groan and big, feline-like yawn to match your stretch, you shuffled out of bed and rubbed the crusties from your eyes as you pulled on some comfortable clothes. Hell if you knew what you were going to do for the day, you could figure that out after you sated your appetite.

You were downright drooling when you left your room to do your morning routine and groused like a toddler that didn’t want to brush her teeth before devouring her weight in breakfast. But you were a grown ass woman that quite preferred to have good hygiene, thank you very much. The intoxicating call of sustenance would have to wait until after you scrubbed your face and polished your teeth to perfection.

Catching sight of yourself in the mirror made you choke when you saw how chaotic the nest of hair on your head was. You felt like a cartoon character that got zapped, your tresses sticking in every direction. 

You must have slept really well, then.

You combed your fingers through the messy strands, trying to smooth the misbehaving locks. It took some effort to tame them into a somewhat presentable fashion, which was the most you cared to do when you were dying to eat already.

Your eyes flickered towards the remaining bottles you left on the sink countertop from last night and you nearly lost your shit.

Just what did Satoru put Ijichi through to get you high end skin products like these? And in such a short amount of time? You guessed the poor man broke a few speeding laws to get these in time for you to use. That, or maybe Satoru had informed him earlier, when you initially agreed to take him up on his offer to stay at his place. Or he already had them and was keeping them around for this kind of situation? Did he use the same brand?

Well, whatever. You were going to use those zealously, so help you god.

And, by the heavens above and seas below, they were fucking incredible. Your face was baby-skin soft. Lustrous, dewy, you were glowing, and certainly felt like it, too. You couldn’t stop touching your cheeks and forehead, they were just so smooth. 

No wonder rich people always had the clearest skin. If you had these while growing up, you never would have had to deal with getting acne in your teens and into your adulthood.

So fucking unfair.

Lamenting how Satoru was born with a silver spoon in his mouth while you were robbed by the universe, you followed the delectable wisps of the tasty aroma in the air like a drunk cupid with tiny wings and a dazed veneer on your face. There you found the man himself in the kitchen, humming an unfamiliar song to himself.

You continued to be baffled that he knew how to cook. It seemed almost unnatural, in a way. He was the prime example of a rich boy that you could find reclining on a poolside chair, hands behind his head as a servant hand fed him grapes. Yet here he was, cooking away, an apron tied around his neck and waist (with frills and little hearts, too, the flashy ass). You wouldn’t be surprised if it had ‘Kiss the Chef’ written across the front and oh, would you look at that, you were right.

“Goooood morning!” Satoru exclaimed, turning away from the stove to greet you. The apron was even flashier than you thought. For fuck’s sake, it had sequins on it. “How’d you– whoa. Nevermind, your hair answers that question.”

You subconsciously tried to flatten down your frizzy tangles once more, grumbling and pulling your gaze away from the atrocious fabric covering his chest that you would totally wear as well, gods, it was horrific. Your morning hair never liked to cooperate with you. “Morning.”

Yawning against the back of your hand, you climbed onto one of the barstools at the kitchen island and veered your body to the side, trying to see what he was cooking around his arm. It smelled sweet, the kind of sweet that was almost enough to make you nauseous, but wouldn’t actually cross that line. Kind of like dessert after you’ve filled yourself to bursting with dinner.

“What are you making? It smells really good,” you said.

“Pancakes!” He exclaimed, sliding an already finished plate to you, soufflé pancakes stacked high atop, drizzled in chocolate and syrup. He even added fruit slices in an arch around the back, just to make it extra fancy.

Someone had a sweet tooth, it seemed. That, and it was obvious he was trying to show off his culinary skills, having the perfect reason to do so now.

But who were you to point that out? You were getting free food, and not even for the first time! Of course you were going to stuff yourself sick with these. Because, honestly, they did look incredible. You would have felt bad about devouring such art if your stomach wasn’t going nuts. 

“Wow, these smell amazing,” you said, scooping up a bite with the fork he passed you. You admired it, tilting it a few degrees in the light, then chomped down on it. 

The noise you made was downright unholy. Straight to the Second Circle with you, don’t even think about looking at the pearly gates of Heaven.

“Fuuuuck,” you keened as you immediately shoved another piece into your mouth. You savored the delectable meal with chubby cheeks, letting the sugary and fluffy delight overtake your senses. “This is so fuckin’ good.”

He cackled at your reaction as he finished cooking and styling up his own plate, ditching the eye-bleedingly ugly apron, and you realized a trice too late that you just stroked his ego considerably. “I didn’t know you could make those kinds of sounds,” he quipped. The sunlight pouring through a nearby window caught the lenses of his glasses when he slid into the seat beside you, making them glint the same way his eyes would if you could see them unobstructed. “Makes me wonder what other noises you can make.”

You almost choked on the pancake you were greedily wolfing down.

Okay, he was not allowed to say things like that while you were eating. And especially not in that voice, the one that lowered a couple octaves and had you squirming in your seat. Barely 10 minutes into the morning and you were already struggling to keep your composure around him.

You swallowed down your food stiffly and patted your sternum with a wee cough. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“I’m not opposed to that.”

“You promised you’d let me use your hot spring first.”

“I can be patient!” Exclaimed the man who very much could not be patient.

You deadpanned, but your lips quivered as you tried to restrain a grin. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

He moped like he was told he couldn’t go to the park today. “You’re so mean to me. How could you? And right after I graciously agreed to house you, too.” Wow, he wasn’t kidding about not letting you live that down.

To make up for it and bring the whiny baby back into a good mood, you let him have a few bites of your food, and he lit up like a damn firework, scarfing them down without a second thought. He had this sort of boyish charm that was difficult to resist in a way that made you want to tease and taunt him endlessly. His statuesque features certainly aided his charisma. 

“By the way,” Gojo began, speaking around a piece of syrup-covered strawberry from his own dish. “There’s someone I want to introduce to you later. You’ll like him.”

You gave him a sidelong glance. Was this the second ‘someone’ Granny mentioned the day before? You shuddered at the thought of dealing with two Satoru’s. You barely knew the first one, and he was already a handful and a menace. You chewed quickly and swallowed to answer.

“Is he anything like you?” You asked, doing your best to be ladylike and eat the way a normal person would. You weren’t really succeeding.

He grinned wide. “He’s the best! Second to me, of course.”

“That does not answer my question,” you pointed an accusatory fork at him.

“Pshh, don’t worry. He’s cool. Well, not as cool as me, but very close.”

That still didn’t answer your question. More so, it put you on edge. You were already mentally preparing to get acquainted with this potential twin, doppelgänger, and/or clone.

“Can you at least tell me his name?”

“Geto Suguru,” he responded.

Geto Suguru, huh?

Same initials as Gojo Satoru. Same amount of syllables, too.

You were so fucked, weren’t you? 

The thought of having two copies of the gremlin beside you had you preemptively putting your hands on your nape to ease the tension. Figuratively, but possibly literally, depending on if height was something they shared.

“Alright,” you said. “When do you want me to meet him?”

“Oh, the time will come, you shouldn’t worry your pretty little head.”

Well, if that wasn’t the most cryptic shit that definitely had you worrying your pretty little head. Asshole, he was doing that on purpose, confirmed by that cunning expression he had as he observed you with his temple resting on his fist, elbow on the counter. He liked toying with you.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Don’t look at me like that.”

He raised his brows. “Like what?”

“Like you’re planning some shit.”

Satoru pressed his fingers to his chest, feigning innocence. “Why, I’d never!”

He was absolutely planning some shit. All you could really do now was brace yourself for whatever was to come, though you were certain that no amount of readying yourself would keep you from getting swept off your feet. “I’ve got my eye on you.”

That was the wrong thing to say, considering he fucking swooned and tipped over, resting his head on your shoulder and closing his eyes, sighing like a schoolgirl. “I knew you thought I was handsome.”

You gave a long-suffering exhale and poked his cheek. “I said no such thing.”

“Yeah, but you looked it.”

“The hell does that even mean?”

“Just keep your eyes on me, pretty baby,” he directed and sat back up, reaching for his fork. “What’s on the agenda for you today?” He asked as he scooped up the rest of the syrup on his plate with the last bite of his food.

You coughed to cover your blush, grateful for the topic change. “Well, I guess take stock of all I’ll need to do with my house. I got a job at Granny’s store, so I’ll start working there in a few days.”

“Shit, really?” He gaped at you. “That fast?”

You nodded around your final piece of pancake, closing your eyes to savor the sublime flavor. You’d have to make him teach you to cook like that sometime, too.

A ‘whooh’ sound left him. “Impressive.”

“It’s weird,” you said. “Everything’s worked out so far, and I’ve barely been here for two and a half days. I’m getting suspicious.”

“Why?”

Your shoulders lifted and dropped. “Seems too good to be true. Gotta stay on my toes, y’know?”

Satoru ruffled your hair as he stood to stack your empty plates into the dishwasher. “You think too much, sweetheart.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Let me be paranoid.”

“You’ll just give yourself worry lines like that,” he cautioned, returning to press his index finger between your brows, “riiiight here. You gotta relax, princess. Chill out, do something fun.”

It was hard to, after spending so many years escaping metaphorical ghosts. Old habits die hard, you supposed.

He was right, you could really use a break from non-stop wariness. This was supposed to be a fresh start, after all. You washed your slate, unmarked of everything on purpose, keeping next to nothing but your name and the clothes on your back. No contacts, nobody waiting for you somewhere, no responsibilities or obligations holding you back. Who knew how long you’d get the chance to let go like this? Might as well take advantage of it.

You weren’t sure what would qualify as ‘fun’ here, but you were a new sprout, after all. What better way than to learn firsthand?

“Alright,” you agreed. “Recommend anything?”

“Hmm,” he lolled his head side to side. “Go to the bakery. It’s not far from Granny’s store, a couple streets north. Hard to miss, it’s got a big sign. We saw it on the way to Granny’s yesterday.”

You scratched through your memory, trying to remember exactly where it was. You had a fuzzy idea, but the benefit of living in such a small locale was that it wouldn’t be too difficult to find. “Will do, thanks. I’ll go after I check out my place first. I’ll need the emotional support after that.”

“Fair enough, I saw why,” he chortled. Oh, the exterior was nothing compared to the interior, sweet summer child. “You want a ride there?”

You considered it, then shook your head. “Nah, it’d be better for me to walk there to get more familiar with the town.”

“You sure?” He raised a brow, a teasing, lazy smirk crawling up his lips. “Won’t get lost?”

“Probably,” you snorted, “but experience is the best teacher, eh?”

He chuckled low in his throat. “If you do get lost, don’t be afraid to call me. I’ll be your prince in shining armor.” 

You made a ‘pffft’ noise and glared at him. He just smiled back like the dork he was. “It’s knight in shining armor.”

“Prince is better. I’m not some lowly knight.”

Drama queen. “Alright, whatever you say, prince. I’ll see you–” In the midst of slipping off the stool to get ready to leave, you stopped, remembering a key piece of information. “Hey,” you spoke up, rotating to scrutinize him with a squint. “How did you know my back door doesn’t have a lock?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “My friends and I would go there on dares when we were younger. Believed it was haunted, dumb kid shit, you know how it goes.”

Oh.

That– yeah, that sounded way more plausible and understandable than whatever ghost stories about kidnappers and serial killers you came up with. But he still could have phrased it better than he did, he didn’t have to go creepy-mode to convince you to stay with him for the time being.

“Why?” He chortled. “Thought I was gonna kidnap ya?”

“Yes,” you replied automatically, scratching the spot behind your ear sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”

He snickered at your expense, bending down and lowering his voice into a rumbling murmur. “You never know. Maybe I will.”

“Har har,” you replied flatly. “Very funny.”

His lips curled further, eyes gleaming behind his shades. “Better keep your guard up, princess. Someone might just come and snatch you up when you least expect it.”

You scoffed as you swiveled and headed towards the front door. Satoru followed you in a way that reminded you of a puppy, or a mischievous cat, observing you as you tugged on your shoes. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I can scream really loud.”

“And if they cover your mouth?”

“I bite,” you grinned toothily.

He crooned. “I’ll keep that in mind. You sure you don’t need a ride?”

“I’ll be fine,” you dismissed his uncertainty and double checked your purse as you put it on. “I’ll catch you later.”

“Ah, wait, before you go,” he halted you, reaching out to search through a bowl on the console table pushed up to the wall. After a second or two of digging around, he pulled out a key attached to a ring and held it out to you. “Here, in case nobody’s home when you get back.”

You took it from him and turned it over in your palm, evaluating its untarnished sheen. “Thanks,” you tucked it away safely into a pocket in your purse. “Is it new?”

“Just a spare,” he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Put it to good use, yeah?”

“Sure,” you agreed.

He patted your head and you scowled at him. “I’ll be awaiting your call for when you need to be rescued.”

You stuck your tongue out at him as you opened the door and stepped out of it. “Dream on.”

His rolling laughter was the last thing you heard as you closed it behind you. The purity of the air awed you again. It was like a medium between you and nature, tickling every one of your senses. There was this certain liberating power in this valley, one that swelled behind your heart and spread out like hot tea on a cold winter morning.

It swirled in your stomach and radiated from your chest in time with your pulse, lulling and salving. Why had you never considered going to the countryside before? 

You were a city-hopper, bouncing from metropolitan hellscape to metropolitan hellscape, where the streets of downtown reeked of anything sickly, apartments were expensive to rent, and you only ever felt like a side character.

Restaurants there were always jam-packed, cafés were less of early day respites and more places of palpable depression. The bars were grimy and boozy, ear-piercingly loud and sweltering with the body heat of dozens of people pressed too tightly together, but at least they were good for one thing.

They were good for shutting down your brain. When it got too loud and too full, when the alcohol burned too much and the people were too touchy, that was when you went into autopilot and thrived in the bliss of silence created by the endless droning of the bass vibrating from your feet to your scalp. You hated liquor, just the thought of it made you queasy, but you craved the buzz it gave you back then.

You didn’t have that luxury now, but you didn’t need it. You hadn’t so much as thought about partaking in that vice since moving, actually. Had you known about the kind of life you could find here, you would have ditched the neon streets a long time ago.

The placidity of mostly untouched vegetation and of the tightly knit community provided a different kind of solace, one that distracted you with things far more interesting than paranoia and anxiety-driven overthinking.

You didn’t feel lost here. Not in the metaphorical sense. Literally had yet to be seen. It remained unfamiliar, but your panic had smoothed out from the first steps you had taken off the train. You could breathe without feeling like there were matches being held too close to your lungs, or needles aimed at your heart.

You didn’t hold onto hope, though. The pattern remained the same. Once you got used to this place, you’d hop on the next train and be on your less-than-merry way.

Will I ever stop running? You asked yourself frequently.

Nobody ever answered.

That’s alright. For now, you were okay. 

Choosing not to indulge in those ideologies, you followed the curving road back down the incline, noting that the car Ijichi had brought you in was gone. You’d need to find a way to thank him, as well as Granny. You didn’t like being indebted to people, especially if it put you at risk of getting tied down.

Satoru was a different problem entirely, since he was letting you live with him. Chores, rent, maybe another thing or two to keep the score level. You weren’t great on brainstorming ideas on how to return favors, but you’d figure it out. A good walk always helped make the creative juices flow.

You ruminated on who he wanted to introduce you to later, coming up with ideas about what he might be like. Hopefully a counterpart and not a duplicate, you weren’t sure how much you’d be able to handle if that was the case. 

If he was friends with Satoru, though, the likelihood of him driving you insane in one way or another was highly likely.

“I bet he’s disgustingly handsome, too,” you muttered cattily under your breath. “I’m gonna see him and the last brain cells I have are gonna explode.”

It didn’t help that you had no idea when you were going to meet this ‘Geto Suguru’. Would you have time to anchor yourself mentally? Would it be today, or a week from now? Could you even prepare at all?

Ugh.

Satoru was right, you thought too much.

As you roamed around, the shrine caught your eye once more, and you stopped to take it in. You hadn’t been to a shrine before – not this kind, anyway. The bigger ones in Tokyo didn’t count. You vaguely remembered how to pray, though you weren’t sure if you should. Paying respects, though, that was fine.

You nibbled on your bottom lip, debating. In the end, it wasn’t a hard choice. You would take any chance to procrastinate and delay facing the disaster awaiting you as much as you could. Except for the bakery Satoru recommended, you were saving that for after you made a plan for your house. You figured you’d want to stress eat afterwards to balm your troubled heart.

Besides, you weren’t sure if you’d have the time to visit after you got started on everything. You had a few days to use up, why not use them to check things out?

The trail leading up to it was easy to find, and though clearly well-traveled and requiring some exertion to traverse, it was clear that it was loved. The flowers on either side of the path were tended to with a compassionate hand, blooming and fragrant. You took a break on several occasions just to sniff a few, admiring them. 

Usually, you were picky about flowers. 

Most were less redolent and more bitterly pungent for you, such as roses. They were elegant, no doubt, but their scent always bordered on perfume-y in a way that reminded you more of an old folks’ home rather than pleasant and subtle beauty. Generally, florid notes made your face scrunch up like you ate something unexpectedly sour.

These flowers were just right, though. They still had those floral undertones, of course, but presented salubrious and fruity essences atop it. It made you mull over why every other flower you smelled before wasn’t palatable. 

Soon, the shrine entrance was in clear view. You traced your finger along the edge of a petal one last time before standing up from your squatting position and making your way over to it. The tower itself was mostly vertical in terms of size, decently small in contrast to the typically larger ones scattered about Japan, but it fit in perfectly with everything else here.

There were two stone benches on either side of the archway leading in, pressed up to the sturdy cobblestone foundation, and lanterns situated at the corners of both, reminding you of a few animated movies with similar designs you’d seen in the past. They were slightly shaded, turned a few degrees away from the sun, and you imagined it would be nice to read there and watch the sun fall asleep beyond the horizon.

The doors were open, guarded by dog-like statues, a bit crudely carved out. Satoru had mentioned it was a shrine dedicated to the wolves that used to roam the mountains, so the statues were likely meant to resemble them. You were curious about the interior, wanting to see the altar up close, since each place of prayer had their own uniquely made one, but the sight of a person clad in white and red kneeling in front of said altar within had you nixing that idea. You could do it another time.

She must have noticed your approach as her head lifted and she peeked partially over her shoulder. She rose up and rotated to face you, and you withheld your exasperation.

Right, this was just fucking ridiculous now, what the fuck.

Why was there another criminally attractive person in this godsforsaken valley? You got scammed, you wanted your money back. Everyone here was so out of your league, you felt like the dog that caught the baseball bat after it’s thrown rather than a player in the game. What, was there going to be an additional good-looking person, ready to knock the wind out of you?

Probably Geto.

If any of these people told you to get down on your knees and bark, you would have without question.

Seriously, why?

You should have been relishing existing in the presence of so many charming folks, but in reality, it just made you feel self conscious.

“Hello,” she greeted as she walked over to you, bringing you out of your internal raging monologue. “May I help you?”

“Oh,” you fluttered your lashes and stammered minutely, trying to recollect yourself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to distract you. I just wanted to see the shrine.”

The shrine maiden’s lips tilted up politely. “You’re fine, don’t worry. Are you a tourist?”

“No,” you fidgeted with your thumb and index finger on your right hand. “I moved here recently. I’m checking around to get more acquainted with the area.”

Her brows rose a millimeter short of being comical. “Really? That’s surprising. Did one of the villagers leave that I didn’t know of?”

“Also no. I bought the house on the outskirts, uhh,” you twisted to scan behind you and pointed in the general direction of it. “That way.”

“That house? I thought they’d torn it down a long time ago. Why that one?”

You lowered your arm. “It was cheap. Gave me an excuse to move here properly.”

“I hope you’re not staying there, it’s dangerous,” she frowned, using a stern yet caring voice.

“I’m staying with Gojo Satoru while I fix it up.”

Immediately, the woman’s face twisted into a sneer of repulsion. Scorn shadowed over her honey-brown eyes, causing yours to widen as hers narrowed. “Run away while you still can,” she told you firmly. 

Well, that’s not worrisome at all.

What the hell did he do to her?

“What? Why?” Your brows furrowed.

She sighed as if the mere mention of Gojo had stripped a few years off her lifespan. “He’s the devil in disguise.”

Was anyone ever going to give you a straight answer about him? “Did he…do something?”

Her scorn turned to ire and agitation in a snap. “He’s so obnoxious! And arrogant, I can’t stand to be around him, he pisses me off to no end,” she downright snarled, heat rising to her cheeks from her anger. “He acts all high and mighty when he’s just a spoiled brat that refuses to respect his elders!”

“Oh–”

“Me!” She pointed harshly at herself. “I’m his elder! Well, I mean, not the only one, but still! He was raised like a golden child, given everything he wanted. He loooves getting on everyone’s nerves, especially mine. Get away from him or he’ll send you to an early grave, miss.”

You didn’t know what you were expecting when you came to view the shrine, but a rant from a peeved miko definitely wasn’t anywhere on your list of possibilities. His name alone sent her into a tailspin, and you would have regretted it if seeing her go off about the man wasn’t more entertaining than it had any right to be. You did feel bad, but madly interested, too.

“I…see,” you reacted stiltedly, stifling a laugh. “Are you, like, exes or something?”

She gaped at you as if you had informed her of her puppy’s passing. “What? No! Absolutely not! I– how could– never even mention–” She abruptly stopped herself, took a few intensely deep breaths to calm herself, then she was smiling kindly again as if nothing had happened. “Where are my manners? I’m Iori Utahime, a miko. It’s a pleasure to meet you. And you are?”

Left reeling from her unexpected 180 in demeanor, you stuttered out your own name in response, to which she nodded in approval.

“A lovely name. You said you moved here recently? How fun! What brought you to this valley?”

Satoru had several questions to answer for the next time you saw him. If you had a notepad and pen, you would have been writing them down like a P.I., bobbing your head with a solemn face as you asked Iori to recount her history of events.

“I came to study abroad in Tokyo a few years back, and fell in love with the country,” you said. “I’m not big on cities, though, so coming here seemed perfect.”

Maybe you were embellishing your story a bit, but in all fairness, you didn’t know her. Besides, clean slate; you had no story before this, why not paint one now that you had the freedom to?

You weren’t going to whip up some grand tale about how you were this astonishingly intelligent, leading programmer in your country that did impressive work for science (that was your mother), but it didn’t hurt to fib the truth a small amount. The part about studying abroad was true, anyway.

She appraised you with an interested visage. “I see, I see. Where are you originally from?”

Man, people loved asking that, huh?

It’s not like you could blame them, you’d do the same in their place. You were a foreigner, they were going to treat you like one.

“Ah,” you told her of your place of origin. “It’s nothing special. I mostly traveled.”

“Oh? How did you make money?”

“Freelance,” you answered. “Odd jobs here and there, enough to keep myself afloat. Have you traveled before, Iori-san?” 

You could see the overjoyed spark in her eyes that someone was finally respecting her. “Only within the country,” she responded, somewhat somber. “I’ve always wanted to see what it’s like outside Japan.”

You tilted your head back to see the sky and think of suggestions. What do the stars look like here? “Depends on where you go. Some places are very packed and have lots of things to do no matter where you go, like Europe. Other places are more sparse, like the States.”

“But the States have more people,” the woman pointed out.

“Yeah,” you confirmed, “but that country is massive and people there tend to group into major cities, rather than be spread out. California is technically bigger than the entirety of Japan, but has way less people.”

Her eyes bulged in surprise. “Really?”

“Yep. It’s why you might hear Westerners say ‘there’s nothing to do here’,” you glanced at the structure behind her. “You guys revere wolves here, right?”

Utahime clapped her hands twice eagerly. “That’s correct! How’d you know?”

Based on her reaction to you merely mentioning Satoru, you figured it’d be best if you didn’t tell her the source of your information. “I’ve heard about it. I was curious, I haven’t been to a smaller shrine like this one before. Only the bigger ones in Tokyo, but those were part of my assignments, rather than for leisure.”

“Oh, it’s not much,” she espied at it from over her shoulder, but you could see the pride in her eyes. It was well taken care of, with love and chariness. It easily passed off as something constructed more recently, given its meticulous maintenance.

“How long ago was it built?”

“Around the same time the settlers first came here.”

This time, your eyes were the ones that opened wide. It had to have been at least 350 years old in that case, based on a rough estimate. “That far back? Wow, it’s in seriously good shape.”

The woman puffed up her chest. “Though the wolves have long since died out here, we still honor them. They helped us with hunts and allowed this village to thrive when we needed it most. They protected us from cursed spirits, as well. It’s only right we treat them and the bounties they’ve given us with respect.”

Oh, there was that term again: cursed spirits. “Could you tell me more about cursed spirits?”

Enthusiasm bubbled up in her the way it would in a child about to tell their parents about the story they wrote up. She skipped over to one of the stone benches and plopped down onto it, patting the spot beside her. You slid onto it, a chill shooting up your spine from the cold temperature. Being shaded from the sun made the rock gelid, go figure.

“Now! Let’s start from the beginning as we know it,” she cleared her throat and took on the role of a teacher. “The origin of cursed spirits and jujutsu sorcery as a whole is largely unknown. It’s speculated that spirits have lived alongside humanity from the beginning of it, as cursed energy is formed by negative emotions, and cursed energy is what spirits are born from.”

She was very animated when teaching, you noticed. Lots of hand movements, facial expressions, and a bouncy attitude to boot. It made for a very entertaining show, and did well to keep you engaged.

“Curses were invisible to humans. Only a select few could see them, and even fewer could actively interact with them in some way or another,” she continued. “Smaller curses would typically leech off of people without them knowing it, feeding off their bad emotions. Stronger curses, however, could be incredibly powerful. Sometimes to the point of standard weapons being completely useless against them, which is why jujutsu sorcery came to fruition. We needed some way to fight back against the spirits, so we developed a way to do just that by manipulating the natural reserves of cursed energy we had within us.”

Folklore from other countries always captivated you. From the creator of mankind in some Chinese mythos named Nüwa, to the counterpart of the equivalent of Santa in Germany, the origin of Halloween and turnip lanterns – even the oddly terrifying ones without nefarious intentions, like Mari Lwyd.

You adored hearing about legends, stories, and tales passed down through oral and written history over the centuries of life existing in each respective land. To say she had you hooked would be an understatement.

What were curses like? Assuming they were real, of course, and that jujutsu sorcery didn’t follow the same ideology as hanging witches. Were they ugly? Bipedal? Humanoid at all? 

“Many natural disasters are blamed on curses, even to this day,” she began lifting her fingers as she counted off a few examples. “Earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts. Pretty much anything you can think of.”

“Were they kinda like demons?”

“Eh,” she tilted her hand side to side a few times. “Yes and no. Depends on who you ask, really. They could be different from demons of hell, or they could be one and the same.”

“I see,” you pinched your chin. “So, where’d they go, then?”

She grasped one of her pigtails, running her fingers through the open and loose portion at the top of it. “Nobody really knows. Some think that sorcerers were able to eradicate them at the source, and died off since they weren’t needed anymore. It could be that the curses have simply lost power due to the progression of mankind, and particularly therapy, though it’s…still kind of taboo. Some claim they’re still around, we just don’t notice because we aren’t able to see any of it.”

Satoru’s words on the matter echoed in your mind. ‘Even if they are real, there's no way they'd beat me.’

You bit your cheek to hold back an unwitting snicker. Leave it up to Satoru to say some brazen shit and have it pop up in your head at random.

“What about you? What do you think?” You asked.

Utahime flicked a piece of invisible dirt off the front of her hakama. “I believe they exist. It’s part of why I’m a miko, and one of the reasons I maintain this shrine. It’s my duty. Curses may not be the same now as they were back then, but that’s no reason for me to slack off. Complacency breeds contempt.”

It was heartwarming, in a way, to see someone still holding onto traditions like these, working to keep her friends, family, and home safe, upholding the rules within and outside places of prayer. You admired her for it.

Not that you would personally want to be a shrine maiden, but you held them in high esteem nonetheless.

“And you?” She peered at you. “Do you believe in the supernatural?”

You closed your eyes for a moment, stretching your legs in front of you and idling back on your hands. “I’m agnostic, neither here nor there. I respect spaces that are considered sacred, I’d rather not get hexed, but I don’t go out of my way to hunt down, let’s say, ghosts.”

“I commend you, many could stand to learn a thing or two from you,” as she spoke, she stood up and brushed off the back of her kosode. “You are good company, though I fear I should get back to work soon.”

“Ah,” you got up as well and bowed to her. “Thank you for sharing your stories with me, Iori-san. I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

She waved her hand. “You didn’t, don’t worry. Come visit me again soon, okay? I’d love to hear stories of your travels as well.”

“Sure,” promised easily, more than content to exchange tales with her. “Stay safe.”

“Likewise,” the noirette disappeared back into the shrine with a final word of parting, leaving you to your devices.

While you didn’t get to see the altar inside, you considered the visit worthwhile, and got a new acquaintance out of it, too. You could come back to check it out another day.

Having burned through all the reasonable amount of procrastination time you allowed yourself, you voyaged back down the path, appreciating the blooms the whole way down the same way you had when you went the other way. You had to ask Utahime if she was the one tending to them next time you saw her.

You were proud to say that you only got lost twice. But you did find the bakery on the way, and memorized where it was once you located the path home. Not bad, not bad at all. You managed to find your way around, and you didn’t need to embarrass yourself by calling Satoru to come to your rescue.

It’s sad how low your standards for happiness had fallen, but you’d take any crumb of serotonin you could find.

You noticed the trip to your house was shorter whenever you actively didn’t want to go there, as if it was a living creature that purposefully made you arrive faster, just so you had to give it attention.

It stood, looming, mocking you. Taunting you, the monstrosity. What an asshole.

The outside matters came first, the less time you had to spend inside, the better. You pulled up the notes app on your phone and began the task of drafting everything you needed to deal with, denoting it as the ‘Outdoor’ section in your native tongue.

Fence, you typed down, scribbling sporadic thoughts as you went. Tear down? Repair? Replace?

You checked the ends and noted that the fence only went back about halfway into your property, leaving the back uncovered. Covers only front. Built like that? Collapsed/removed in the back? 

You felt the stalks of yellow-ish green leafage with your palm, the tips reaching your hips. Cut down grass and weeds. You should plant pollinator flowers if the yard was ever cleared out well enough. It’d be nice to have some butterflies and bees around to help everything grow nice and healthy. 

You lightly nudged a piece of a busted plant pot with the toe of your shoe. Dispose of broken pots. A slight stumble had you leering down to see a strangely shaped tile. You tilted your head in confusion, then peered up at the edge of the roof, deducing it was a shingle that had fallen off. You stepped further away from the roof, just in case. And fallen & loose shingles.

Rounding the side, you waded through the overgrown flora, poring over the condition of the rundown house’s environment. Remove ivy from walls. Set up trellises. Lattices to form a backyard/patio/garden/thing?

Angling your chin up, you placed your hand over your forehead and assessed the roof. From on the ground, you wouldn’t be able to completely acknowledge the damage done to it over the years it sat untouched, but you were reluctant to climb on it to see first hand. You didn’t have a ladder, for starters, and you liked having unbroken bones and working shins. 

Get a ladder.

The back of the estate was in the same condition as everything else. Which is to say, disheartening. 

“What’ve I got myself into…” You muttered.

You spotted a narrow garden plot built into the back of the house. Overgrown, yes, but it’d be perfect for planting stuff when you got it all cleared up.

It wasn’t a question of ‘if’, unfortunately. You had no other real choice besides mending what was left in your hands.

You were still miffed at the real estate agent. You likely wouldn’t have purchased this piece of land had you known what was ahead. Or if you were in a better state of mind, honestly, rather than being in the middle of your fight-or-flight phase of living.

“No good dwelling on the past,” you whispered to yourself as you circled back to the front. “Can’t change it now.”

You took a deep, long, full breath, enjoying the fresh and crisp air while you still could. You savored the temperate hints of nature and the clement weather, treating it like it would be your last time experiencing such comfort. You didn’t know if your nostrils (or you) would survive the excursion into hell you were about to go on, so you weren’t risking taking the breeze for granted.

Exhaling all in one big puff, you steeled your shoulders and pushed open your front door, your free hand covering your nose in anticipation. Replace hinges and/or front door.

It managed to punch you in the gut regardless. 

New section in your notes open, you got to work typing. The most obvious issues came first, such as the floors, the peeling walls, and exposed boning and pipes. A lot would possibly need to be replaced, such as the counters in the kitchen, cupboards…

Floor rotted(?) and sticky. Wash?

Spackle for holes in walls? New drywall instead?

Check insulation.

Your spirits fell more and more with each additional item of note you wrote onto the list. Could any of this be salvaged? Were you better off tearing it down?

Remove tatami. Replace? Don’t?

Stepping into what you assumed was the master bedroom, you made your way over to the sleeping bag you left behind and cautiously rolled it up, maneuvering around the grime stuck to it, and placed it against a corner. You’d toss it when you got the chance to.

M-bed closet missing doors and shelf.

Seeing the window, you tip-toed to it, hoping to open it to air out the room. Your nose formed bunny lines at the cobwebs littering the sill and edges. While there weren’t any spiders – as far as you could see – you still did not enjoy touching them in the slightest.

Pushing up from the center of the window proved to be futile, the frame wasn’t going to be budging anytime soon.

Windows stuck.

Remove spider webs.

There was litter here and there – torn pieces of paper, a ripped open baggie, fabric – that you decided to leave as is. Along with not having gloves to pry them off the ground, you didn’t have anything to throw them away into. They got to live another day.

Toss out trash.

The shower and bathroom had a cupboard tucked off to the side, but opening it showed the middle platform separating the top and bottom within was crumbly and would break if you put any weight on it.  Replace shelf in bathroom cupboard.

The tiles were all fucked up, too. Some were chipped, others were outright broken or missing. Rust had gathered around the tap and drain in the tub, likely from years of having a leaky faucet before it ran out of water to drip.

Clean out rust in bath/pipes. Throw away broken floor tiles. Replace.

You pulled the left handle of the sink faucet and waited for a few seconds to see if the plumbing was functional.

Which was a big, fat no.

Plumbing. Faucets.

Limescale on shower head, wall tiles.

You scrolled through what notes you had already created and chewed on the corner of your bottom lip, thinking of what else you might have needed to write down. You fixated blankly on the wall in front of you as you went over everything, then quickly typed out a few more things.

Electricity.

Check for asbestos, lead in paint.

You figured the tasks you needed to do would pop up as you went along, considering your notes to be a simple skeleton outline. You could jot down other things as needed, and work through them one by one.

Having done as much as possible while staying inside for as long as you could tolerate, you walked back outside and dug around in your purse for the piece of paper Granny had given you, the one with names and numbers of people that could help you in this endeavor.

To say you were beginning to panic would be an understatement. You already bought the damn thing, and doubted you’d be able to resell it and get all your money back. You also didn’t want to subject anyone to repairing the thing when it was both a health hazard and an embarrassment. 

You had some reserve money, but it wasn’t a whole lot, so you required that job Granny gave you.

Gojo said you could stay with him for however long you needed, but that was with the expectation that you’d leave once your house was fixed up. Given the village’s size, it was unlikely that you would find another place within it to live in, even after saving up some money working for Granny. You didn’t want to piggy-back off anyone and be an imposition; the only reason you felt less guilty about staying with the moon-haired idiot was due to the sheer amount of space he had in his mansion.

You were swiftly running out of options.

Your lips paled as you pressed them tightly together, trying to wrack your mind for ideas. You couldn’t sell it, and you didn’t want to deal with the humiliation of having strangers work for you. In such a small town, word spread like fire on a dry wick. Who knows what they would say about you?

Realistically, it wasn’t your fault, you knew this. The house hadn’t been built under your name and, hell, was likely older than you by at least a decade or two. It didn’t fall to ruin because of you, but you were the owner of this house now, the responsibility rested on your shoulders.

You read through the list of handymen under your thumb, the paper shaking slightly from the death grip you had on it.

Repairing it on your own was technically an option, but you would be basically begging for severe injuries or even death by attempting that. You wouldn’t even know where to start. Foundation? Floors? Structure? Roof? You didn’t fucking know how to do any of that shit!

…Or you could just burn the damn eyesore to the ground ‘til there was naught but ashes left.

No, that was a stupid idea, but you were out of any good ones.

The thought you had previously of tearing it down and buying a garden shed to reside in was feeling more and more tempting by the hour. It was unreasonable, you knew, you simply…didn’t know what you were supposed to do.

You were used to doing things alone. You relied solely on yourself, trusted only your own words and intentions. Letting people in was not something you did for many reasons. Maybe you did crave closeness and camaraderie at some point in the distant past, but the concept was out of the question entirely now. It made uncomfortable butterflies sit heavy in your stomach, the urge to vanish into the treelines and never be seen again increasing with each extraneous person you invited into your life.

You sighed. “I should have just moved into the woods and turned into a witch,” you grumbled low, then scoffed sardonically. “Right, as if I wouldn’t accidentally poison myself with a weird mushroom on day three and die a horrible, painful, slow death.”

The two lists you had remained in your somewhat reluctant hands. You knew you were way in over your head, and you’d probably unintentionally curse the house sooner than you managed to make a positive change, but…you weren’t used to asking for help. Always the type to manage shit on your own, get things done yourself, be independent. Could you really be faulted for having a hard time reaching out to anyone else?

Especially since you hadn’t even met any of them yet. That would be disconcerting, asking folks you’d never seen – let alone spoken to – before to work for you.

Your phone singed your fingers. You did know someone, and knew that he was just a phone call away, but did you really want to deal with him of all people? He would take this chance to rub it all in your face and then some.

You carefully weighed your choices.

Rebuild the house yourself with no former experience with anything beyond shitty popsicle stick bird huts.

Call someone on the list, explain your situation, and ask for help.

Call the prick.

…By the gods, you really hated making calls to people you didn’t know.

Shamefully carping to yourself, you dialed Satoru’s number, trying to ignore the contact name he had set up for himself. It was so glitzy, the ✨❤️ Satoru ❤️✨ sitting at the top of the call screen making you stifle a short laugh, ironically lifting your spirits. “Here goes nothing…”

He answered within three rings. “Yo, been a while, princess” Satoru purred as if you hadn’t seen him that morning, and you rolled your eyes, despite not being there in person for him to see.

“You greet every girl like that?”

“Nope, just you,” you could hear his grin. “Whatcha need?”

Now came the part where you set aside your pride and voiced what you very much did not want to. Again. You’d known this man for barely 24 hours and he already had several wins over you. In…whatever game you decided you were losing. “Look, I…I need your help.”

“Oho? What’s this? Is the princess finally admitting how much she misses me?” 

Smug dick.

“I did not say that,” you immediately berated him.

He simply hummed, unaffected. “Same thing.”

You ran your hand down your face, already exasperated just 30 seconds into the call. “You– ugh, just, can you help me or not?”

“Depends on what you need, sugar plum. Did ya get lost already?”

This man was going to be the cause of your madness. The bridge of your nose ached where you pinched it. “Granny gave me a list of people to call to help me with my house and I really don’t want to call any of them.”

“Then don’t.” 

“And, what, do everything by myself?”

You could envision him shrugging. “Why not? I could help you.”

“Satoru, I trust a wild forest fire more than I trust you with a hammer.”

“Ouch,” he sucked air through his teeth, faux whimpering. “You’re such a bully. Fine, I’ll help you with contacting everyone.”

Oh, that took less fighting and groveling than you expected. You exhaled in relief. “Thank you–”

“On,” he interrupted you, “one condition.”

There it is.

Your skin began to sting as you dug your nails harder into it, leaving curved indents between your eyes. “Y’know what, I think I’ll be fine–”

“Ah-ah-ah, hang on a second there, pretty girl. Hear me out.”

Conceding, you sighed and urged him to make his request. “Fine, what is it?”

"Cook something for me,” he requested. “Consider it evening the score.”

Your face scrunched up into a question mark. “Wait, that’s it?

“What, do you want it to be more?”

“No, no, I can do that,” you quickly declined, biting on the edge of your thumbnail as you tried to think of something to prepare for him. “Do you have any preferences?”

“Sweets.”

Sweet stuff. Okay, you could work with that. You could bake some pretty killer macarons. You didn't know what ingredients he had at home, or how to operate his oven, but you'd just figure it out, right?

“Alright, I can do that,” you answered.

“We have a deal, then?”

You took a moment to consider. You could back out, but your introverted personality made that notion null. It was only baking, too, rather than the ghastly demand you were expecting him to make. Baking it is. “Deal.”

“Great! We’ll be over in a flash!~”

“Okay–” wait. “‘We’–?”

He hung up before you could ask. You groaned and contemplated smashing your phone against the ground, but decided against it. You needed the thing, unfortunately.

Since you had to wait for however long, you chose to add in some thoughts to what you’d already written down, brainstorming how you wanted to proceed. It was difficult to tell at this stage, before you started on anything. But you could pick out what you might want to plant; flowers, vegetables, a fruit tree or two. So what if you were fantasizing? It helped keep you calm. Escapism was a valid coping mechanism.

It was too hard to picture anything given the state of the house, though. You’d need to snip down the field first and go from there, when you could see everything clearly.

How much did contractor services cost in Japan? What about the people Granny knew, how much did they charge? What kind of services did they provide? Your toe tapped repeatedly as you stepped outside your fence, trying not to pace.

Would you need one, or multiple? Were you going to have to get materials from the nearby city by yourself, or would they do that? If the former, how?

“I need an adult,” you lamented, your shoulders slouching and arms folding over your chest. “I wanna die. I’m not mature enough for this shit.”

You recalled what your mother told you often when you were younger: ‘not everything at once.’

Easier said than done. Sleep on it, one step at a time, break it down into shorter tasks, nothing was taking the edge off your stress.

“I’ll just start with the grass,” you muttered, eventually succumbing to the need to pace. “I have to start somewhere, and I’ll need to get rid of that before anything else can be done. Oh, but, fuck, there’s so much of it…not to mention debris, rocks…do they still make scythes? Can’t launch a pebble with a scythe. No, wait, that’d be so much more effort and take more time…”

A flicker of alabaster down the road caught your eye, halting your hurried back-and-forth roving and hushed bleating.

Satoru was always easy to spot from a distance. It was hard not to see him when his hair redirected the sun like a mirror, blinding anyone who saw him from the wrong angle. He was the angel on your shoulder with the personality of the devil, urging you to dive into your most heinous and blasphemous thoughts. The light bouncing off his head created a glowing aura around it, resembling a silver halo, further pushing that deceptive angel motif.

Would the halo turn gold in the light of the crimson rays of fading day?

You uncrossed your arms, ready to greet him, only to notice the man beside him. They were conversing, and the latter must have said something funny, as the former guffawed hysterically. It echoed off the mountains on either side of the valley, reaching you with no concern for distance. 

Did such bellows reach across the entire settlement, or was it localized, feeling louder than it actually was due to an echo chamber effect?

Gojo’s cachinnation dissipated when the pair were close enough to you, at which point he waved his hand high in the air to greet you avidly, like you weren’t only 20 feet from them.

“Hey! Didn’t keep ya waitin’ too long, did we?”

Truthfully, the fifteen or so minutes you had been waiting for them had gone by in a flash when you were so deeply buried in your spiraling thoughts while remembering dumb shit sprinkled into your internal ranting. The only evidence of your anticipation for their arrival being the barely present ache in your heels from where you rested most of your weight on them.

“No, not long,” you assured, fighting hard to keep your eyes off his friend for however long possible, vainfully clinging to your sanity. You knew that as soon as you centered your vision on him, your ability for conscious thought would evaporate. 

You wanted to present yourself as at least marginally normal as a first impression, though you doubted you were achieving that by avoiding the obvious third presence. You were surely coming off as rude, you really should–

“This one's Geto Suguru,” Gojo introduced the noiret by his side, nipping your overthinking at the bud.

At last, your full attention was guided to him.

Oh.

Oh. That was a mistake.

‘This one’ was breathtaking.

His midnight hair caught the sunlight in a scintillating iridescence that shifted between the deepest phthalo blue you’d ever seen and a mesmerizing sheen of violet when the light caught it just right, like the feathers of a raven. It struck you how glossy and luxuriously silky it was, and you wanted to pull it out of the high bun he kept it in to run your fingers through it endlessly. That one loose section of his bangs that hovered over his eye was just so cute, your digits itched to tug on it.

And, speaking of, those eyes. 

Sharp enough to cut diamonds and make you stand straighter. Heat rose to your cheeks as he observed you, head cocked to the side with a smooth and sweet smile that absolutely melted your insides like soft-serve ice cream, lily-livered and defenseless against the blazing sun incarnate in the form of a man.

They were dark, yet warm; a rich chocolate in hue that you could swear had flecks of gold within and rings of wisteria coiling around his abyssal pupils.

He was tall and foreboding, just like Satoru, but in a completely different fashion. He was the radiant Sol, pacifying and precious heat licking at your skin, soothing away the frostbite of winters long past. 

Beside him stood the Moon, reflective and brilliant and so goddamn cocky that it made your cheeks hurt – whether from biting the insides of them to hide back a smile, or to prevent yourself from smacking that shameless attitude out of him, you didn’t know. It didn’t matter. 

Satoru’s pearly locks contrasted sharply with Suguru’s obsidian lace, providing a striking visual. These godly beings towered over you, imposing and otherworldly and too good to be true, yet you knew your imagination could never come up with men like them.

And you?

You poor, dear, sweet, dumb little lamb. A pathetic speck caught in the gravity they created. Two black holes, eager to suck you in and rip you to shreds, and you were tempted to let them, practically falling into them without their overwhelming influence affecting you.

Their presence, their power, their very existence that demanded you drop to your knees to worship and beg like the tragic whore you were dominated your consciousness, filling it with fantasies you hadn’t experienced in…gods, ever. Nobody exuded the same aura they did, nobody made you weak-kneed and left you aching between your thighs, not like this. They created a desire in you that you wanted to have fulfilled – needed, even.

The pop of your knuckle in your fist that you had subconsciously created managed to snap you from your revere and back into the present, reminding you that, perhaps, you should do something, rather than drool like an idiot. 

You’ve gone fucking crazy. That was it, the last straw, the last hauntingly magnificent person. Why, oh, why did you move here?

With no small amount of embarrassment at the realization that your panties were a bit more damp than they were a minute ago, you clenched your jaw hard enough to anchor yourself, and made a mental note to get rid of the problem between your legs as soon as you were alone and could succumb to the pleasure, the yearning, you hadn’t experienced in ages.

As well as pretend it wasn’t caused by them, the iconic duo that had you in a mental fit.

Hoping you hadn’t made a total fool of yourself, you turned and bowed respectfully, saying your name in return as you stared at the ground in an attempt to clear your mind of the filth it created on its own, unprompted. “It's a pleasure to meet you, Geto-san.”

Suguru studied you for a few seconds (don’t look at me like that, please, I’m begging you, spare me), then faced the male beside him with an amused expression. “Are you sure this is the same girl you were telling me about? The brat?”

Oh, heavens, that voice.

Fire exploded across your cheeks and pooled deep in the lower pits of your stomach when you heard him say that word; enunciate it clearly, croon it in that damned tone that had electricity jolting up your spine.

Not now, slut. Focus.

It was significantly easier to ignore the unholy fantasies plaguing your sanity when you centered all that pent up energy into being annoyed at Satoru, questioning your already questionable friendship when you learned of what he called you in private. Your eyes narrowed into an icy glare, primed and deadly. To your agitation and further chagrin, he only smirked boyishly at you.

“That’s the one,” he replied with a widening grin as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his pants.

“She's far too polite,” Geto countered.

Satoru snorted. “Trust me, she's a spitfire.”

“Is that so…” The onyx-haired man bent down to come closer to your face, and your breath hitched in your throat, refusing to come out properly. His scent embraced you. Mild, pleasant, like warm chai and jasmine, making your muscles instinctively loosen.

His eyes softened into closed curves as he beamed at you. You really hoped he couldn't read your mind. There was nothing holy or sane in there.

“Your name is lovely as is,” he murmured as his voice lowered into a roguish octave, “but I think I have a better one in mind.”

“W-What?” Your own vocal cords strained just to get the one word out in a wimpy squeak, and of course you just had to stutter. Whereas the air Satoru emitted naturally made you want to tackle him to the ground, Suguru’s wrapped around you like wisps of incense smoke, soothing and gently demanding your obsession with its fragrance. It inexplicably made you want to thaw into a puddle, to give him your full and undivided focus.

His canines peeked through from the way his lips curled further, entertained by your sudden timidness. He remained quiet, merely viewing your reactions as he lifted a hand to loop a strand of your hair around his finger and by the gods, don’t look at his fingers and how long and big they are and how perfect they’d feel–

“Angel,” the man said, practically cooing it at you.

You stifled a croak, verbally cuffed out of your totally, positively, very wholesome thoughts. “What?”

If you could die from embarrassment and be let out of this hell hole, you’d keel over on the spot when he simpered. “Angel,” he so graciously repeated for you. “I believe it suits you quite well. Wouldn’t you say so, Satoru?”

Satoru was having the time of his life, you were sure of it. You could feel him staring into you, see that stupid sexy fucking smile on his face from the corner of your eye as he teased you and, shit, why were you in the middle of this? Had you committed some heinous sin? Was this your punishment? 

“I don’t know,” he hummed in deliberation. “I prefer bunny. Or mochi.” 

“Mochi?” You and Suguru questioned at the same time, swiveling to regard the alabaster man.

Gojo nodded. “Small, probably tastes sweet, squishy.”

“Squishy?” You gaped incredulously, relocating your befuddled scrutiny to Geto when he burst out into laughter.

“I can see it,” Suguru coincided, earning himself a pretty nasty glare, too.

You groaned and tilted your face up, pleading with the sky to give you strength. “Don’t you start, too. One Satoru is enough, thanks.”

He hummed and smirked, something mischievous twinkling in his eyes. You didn't like that countenance. Not one bit. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, too,” he bowed his head towards you, changing the subject. Thank fuck. “You moved here recently, yes?”

“Yeah,” you affirmed, molling the racing of your heart that was just a few beats short of being uncomfortable. “Technically the night before yesterday.”

“You had a safe trip, then, I hope?”

You sent the stone stepping path partially hidden by the overgrown grass a particularly scathing grimace. “I almost ate shit and died on my own porch, but I did, yes.”

His husky laugh was messing up your insides. “Glad you’re in one piece. It was the stepping stones, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, oh, my god. They’re out to kill me, I swear.”

“They’ve gotten me a couple times, too. It’s good to see this house will finally be getting some love.”

“I think you’re the only person that’s been positive about this so far,” you scratched your cheek with your index finger. “Everyone else has told me it’s grossly dangerous. Wish I’d known that before I skimped out on finding a place to stay for the first night…”

Suguru’s browline furrowed in disquietude. “You slept in there?”

You exhaled harshly and hung your head. “Don’t remind me.”

“You aren’t feeling sick, are you?”

You shook your head and patted his arm reassuringly. “No, just humiliated.”

His expression relaxed, the hardness in his deep maroon eyes tempering. “That’s good. If you do feel ill, don’t brush it off. Excess activity can worsen your health and prolong sicknesses.”

Aww, a mother hen? He was in your good books now, you felt all fluffy, being cared for by him. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

Satoru pushed his way between you two, resting one arm on Suguru’s shoulder and the other on your head, coveting your attention. “So, what’s the plan, mochi?”

“Good question,” you said.

There was a brief pause, as if you were all waiting for someone else to speak, before he leaned down towards you. “Well?”

“What?”

“The plan? What’s the plan?” He lifted a brow. 

“Oh,” you darted your eyes between them. “Oh, no, I don’t have one. I just said it’s a good question.”

Suguru frowned. “Nothing at all?”

You pulled up your notes app and scrolled through it. “I guess cut the lawn, and call up the folks on Granny’s list for starters.”

“Can I see her list?”

“Mm,” you held out the paper to him, cringing when you saw how your fingers wrinkled the corner of it out of stress.

A crease in his forehead formed, deepening the more names he read, making you nervous. On top of how nervous you were already feeling. You were nervous-squared now.

“What is it?” You asked.

“It’s nothing. Just…I don’t think any of these guys will have enough free time to help you out. Not for a while, anyway,” he returned the sheet to you. “However, I grew up assisting them, so I know a thing or two. Mind if I go inside?”

Well, if that wasn’t soul crushing. “If you have a gas mask, go ahead. The smell inside could knock out a grown man. I don’t want to trouble you, though.”

“It’s no trouble at all. I’ve been needing something to do these days, this could be the perfect excuse for me,” he assured you. “I’ll be quick.”

“Oh– hang on, there might be asbestos in there,” you warned.

“There isn’t,” he assured confidently.

Satoru narrowed his eyes. “How do you know? Huh? Were you there when this house was built? Didn’t think so.”

Suguru leveled him with a vacant lour. “Asbestos wasn’t used in the construction of any houses here. Besides being expensive to import, our village was constructed with traditional methods. This building was Western inspired, but it wasn’t built with Western methods.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, nervously picking at a spot on your forearm. “Who built it?”

“From what I know, it was someone from either Kobe or Osaka that visited a state in America on vacation and fell in love with the architecture. First thing they did when they came back was buy this plot of land and build an imitation house on it,” he answered.

“Why’d they leave?”

He raised a hand, then dropped it in a half-shrug. “Any number of reasons. Some of the older folks say that their spouse fell ill, and they had to return to the city. My mom says they moved out because they got sick of driving an hour and a half one way to get to work every day. Dad says their sister gave birth and they had to return and assist her since she worked full time. Who knows.”

“Eh?” Satoru’s expression twisted into one of confusion. “I thought the owner just died or something. Hence why the house is haunted.”

“The house isn’t haunted, Satoru. Don’t scare her.”

You cracked your knuckles one-by-one. “If it is haunted, I’m gonna give that realtor hell. He promised it wasn’t. He also promised it hadn’t been touched in only ten years, so he’s already on my list,” you growled, then deflated and wilted. “I suppose I’m not in any rush, I’ll need to save up anyway. I’m bumming off Satoru for now, but I don’t wanna prolong that.”

“I already told you,” he patted your upper back. “Stay as long as you need.”

“Thanks, Satoru. I really owe you,” you said. I hate owing people. “Oh– be careful, Geto-san.”

He gave a pacifying hand wave as he pushed past your open gate, heading towards your house. Satoru hopped up and hurried after him. “Oi, wait up! I wanna see, too!” 

“Satoru, you’ve already been in there before,” Suguru reminded him as you followed them about halfway, wanting to steer clear of the inside for a while.

Satoru twisted the door knob and pushed inwards. “Yeah, when we were kids. Imagine how much it’s changed!”

“I doubt it’s changed much,” their voices grew muffled and eventually silent to you as they disappeared into your home.

You began counting in your head. If they were gone for more than two minutes, you were going to assume they died. Then you could officially label the house as haunted and hunt that realtor’s ass down. After you set up a prayer altar for the boys who so bravely sacrificed their lives for you, obviously, they deserved that at the very least.

You’d have to check with the villagers to see if either of them practiced any particular faith to ensure you provided the correct funeral services for them, and to know if you needed to follow any specific spiritual rules when it came to the deceased.

Should you leave their bodies in there? Probably not, no, but it wasn’t going to be you fishing them out. You were tiny compared to them, you wouldn’t be able to drag them out yourself, even if you wanted to and tried really hard.

Your peculiar funeral fantasies were cut off when Suguru came back outside, still very much alive and well – from what you could tell.

“You lived,” you congratulated him.

“That I did,” he affirmed and stopped beside you, turning to face the house as his arms folded neatly.

“Is he still alive?”

“Last I checked, he was. I’m surprised he didn’t leave as soon as he went in. I think he’s trying to out-man me and impress you,” he teased, making you laugh.

Out came Satoru right then, dusting his hands off, acting like he did anything more than recce. “Alright, I’ve got good news and bad news. Which d’ya want first?”

“Good news,” you requested apprehensively.

He clapped his palms together. “Good news, the interior condition isn’t as bad as it seems.”

Well, that was good news. But you were wary to celebrate. “And the bad news…?”

“There are, indeed, a shit ton of spiders.”

You squealed, racing to hide behind Suguru’s tall frame. The man himself chuckled at your reaction, his arms still crossed over his chest as he tilted his head back to peer at you from over his shoulder, way too relaxed for the situation. “Not a fan of spiders?”

“Fuck no!” You cried out, clutching the back of his shirt in tight fists as you buried your face against his spine. “Fuck that! Burn the damn thing down!”

Gojo grinned darkly, eyes lighting up with mischief. “All you had to say, princess.”

The noiret (the only reasonable one among you) sighed and shook his head. “No, we’re not burning her house down.”

“Boo,” Satoru whined. “You’re no fun.”

“You aren't afraid of spiders?” You peeked around Suguru's arm to leer up at him, still using him as your shield.

“Nope.”

“You monster,” you hissed.

His best friend snorted. “Look on the bright side. It means he can get rid of spiders for you.”

You paused to consider his words, squinting up at the poised man you hadn’t let go of.

“Okay, nevermind, I take it back,” you declared, doing a complete flip in behavior, “you're my god, now, Geto-san.”

He showed you that shut-eyes smile that had hummingbirds dancing the tango in your stomach. “Don’t worry, angel. I’ll protect you.”

Blush dusted your cheeks at his pledge and you averted your eyes. Having either of them in your field of view for too long was not good for your heart.

Satoru wouldn’t be Satoru if he didn’t go and embarrass you further. “Aww, she’s blushing!”

“I am not!” You barked back.

“I think it’s cute,” Geto’s cheek dimpled and you were flashbanged by the faces of not one, but two ethereal beings.

Mama, you thought, if you can hear me, send help. I don’t think I’m making it out of this one.

You gulped, the noise far too loud in your ears, and tried to subtly cover your face with your hand to retain some dignity while releasing Suguru’s shirt from your death grip. “A-Anyways, uh…should probably start calling people.”

“I’ll handle the calls,” Suguru announced, already pulling out his phone and dialing numbers. “I know these guys well. I’ll try to work something out with them.”

“Oh, you really don’t–” and there he went. You knew you asked for help, but you felt bad inconveniencing Suguru. Satoru, not so much.

“What’d I say about worrying?” Speak of the devil, the milk-haired boy bent down to your height and nudged his pointer finger between your brows. “Relaaaax, princess. It’ll work out.”

You worried your bottom lip as you watched the other man chatting some distance away. Detaching yourself from your perpetual anxiety was…difficult, to describe it in the least amount of words possible. Your guard was stuck to you, pinned, screwed, and soldered into place over time. Letting it go meant undoing years of work. 

It was there to shield you. You needed it to hold your untempered heart and keep it safe. If it got hurt, you weren’t sure you knew how to recover.

But you weren’t really letting them in by allowing them to help you, right?

Yet, as you sized up the small incline and the shack falling apart on top of it, you couldn’t shake the impression that the world was about to tilt on its axis. The tides were receding, tectonic pressure was increasing, the winds were stirring, and you were in the middle of it all. Mama, you reached out one last time. I think it’s too late.

banner by cafekitsune ♥

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑆𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐺𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑒

Summary: Black Family sucked. That's what your friends, your family and boyfriend said. They were obsessed with being "pure" and ready to do anything to achieve that... But none of you would have known exactly what measures they would go.

A/N: I went overboard with this one, and had to seperate it to two parts. So, hopefully, next week, you guys will have a second part. But I'm sleepy while uploading this so... Forgive me if there are some mistakes, I'll fix them later. REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Trigger Warning: Mentions of torture and abuse, some very slight make out mentions(?), typical Black family, 8.2K words.

Pairing: Regulus Black x Pureblood!Fem!Reader

Prompts: "No one makes me smile the way you do.", "I've always loved that about you.", " I know I don't say it a lot, but I really do love you." and "You're all I'll ever need to feel better." from this prompt list ; 3,6,7,8,9, 19, 22, 29, 30 and 31 from the kissing prompts 4 of my "SUMMER CELEBRATION" event.

Part2

Regulus wasn't seen.

It wasn't like he wasn't at the school where you both called your home, he definetly was. There were glimpses of him in lessons, or Quidditch practices, there were slight whispers of his rich and silky voice as he spoke to his friends in the Great Hall, one that you could always catch no matter where or when. It was the same voice that whispered you sweet good mornings, the same voice that told you soft spoken, full of love and adoration, words as he danced with you in somewhere away from the prying eyes, his own blue-ish gray ones looking extra ethereal and captivating at the moonlight that shone on both of you, contouring his sharp face so beautifully that often left you speechles.

Speechles at how this amazing, caring and loving boy was yours. And he often felt the same about you, about how lucky he was for finding you in that library corner, drowning in books and hair messy, at his lowest point.

A point where no one really made it an effort to listen to him, to know him.

By his friends, his parents... His own brother.

But, even if he wasn’t heard or seen by his family, Regulus Black was seen in Hogwarts, by many others... But not you.

Not today.

He was avoiding you.

It hurted you whenever he distanced himself. He often did this, but even then, he would tell you that he just needed to be alone and gather his thoughts after a kiss to your forehead and then return a few hours later with your favourite dessert from one of the house elves. They even learnt when to bake them for him and you, after witnessing how bice you treated them and such, they were happy to stay awake a few more hours so that you two could be happy.

And of course, you understood that everyone could need some alone time in this hectic life, Regulus more than anyone, but this much of being alone...

He didn't even come to dinner time, instead saying some bullshit about wanting to sleep and tell you to eat with your friends after a soft kiss to your cheeks and a short kiss to your lips. He would always lay some on your lips, and even pepper your whole face with them. His kisses were always so passionate, they left you a breathless mess at the place he kissed you, making you jump on him as you both laughed in delight.

Be it his dorm, you would jump on the bed and you two would play fight, looking into each others eyes as he would hover over you, a hand on your waist with a thight grip as his breath fanned your face, his nose touching yours as he would muzzle his to your neck. You are beautiful, he would whisper before his kisses would turn urgent and you both’s clothes would soon be thrown away at somewhere.

Regulus Black was a passionate young man, someone who felt deeply... But that passion was slowly dying.

And it was your greatest fear coming true.

“Excuse me, guys... I don’t have an appeatite...” you slowly got up as you looked at them, apologizing with your eyes. People always thought them to be such fuckers but Barty and Evan, as long as they weren’t in their teasing romance, were actually great friends of you and Regulus... Barty was the first one who adopted you in the group, back before you were sorted in any houses, in the train and... Perhaps, you were the only one they loved in another house.

“Where are ya goin’? Ya haven’ eaten anythin’?” Barty pointed to your plate as a sheepish look came over you, lips tugging to a sweet smile, hoping that he would let it pass. He wouldn’t have fallen for the puppy eyes, not for the 97th time, had Evan not pointed to who was missing on their table as well.

“looking for her boyfriend, I see...” you gave a sad smile at Evan as he nodded to the entrance of the Great Hall. He, too, was aware that something was... more wrong with the Black as well, but none of them could come close enough to question him without getting blasted off. “Go. That boy never admits, but he is very dependant on you... He needs you.”

But, if there was anyone who could do that... And perhaps, it was you he wanted to have with him, it would be you.

He had seen from first-hand experience how good you affected the boy, how he seemed happier. Though he would always tease him for the heart eyes he sent your way, or how he would get up from his seat and hug you at the entrance of the Great Hall as soon as he sees you, and also accompany you to his side as you talked with his friends and then, sit with you in your side of the table with your friends at lunch time or dinner, he was glad he found some solace in you.

He was aware of the “pureblood nonsense” most “pureblood” families believed in, his and Blacks for example, and did anything to make their children believe in it too. Regulus was still considered lucky in his eyes, for having Sirius protecting him since he didn’t have someone that would protect him.

And now that they were friends, there was no way in hell that he would allow him to relapse into those bad thoughts that could never actualy stop swirl in his head.

You beamed at Evan as your sprinted from them, Evan yelling after you that they would bring some food for you two while Barty hissed about you not doing any funny business. Evan elbowed him hard as Barty whined about how Regulus was becoming soft, and pink, and domestic around him so much that he couldn’t take it anymore. I love our girlie, and cold bitch of a friend but they both make me... sick...

You couldn’t care less about what they said though. Your mind was only on Regulus and how in pain he looked earlier, even when he tried to hide it behind his steel look. You wondered if it was the anniversary of his brother leaving him behind, but quickly checked it out. Maybe his parents were strict and harsh to him again? But he always said he was used to their harsh ways of teaching...

And now that you stopped in front of the the door seperating you from the Slytherin Common Room... You realized that you didn’t know much about your own boyfriend as much as you were supposed to. And that thought made you frown as you looked down for a moment. You knew how... intense things can get with the “pureblood thing”, even though your family wasn’t that harsh when it came to that ideology, you could only imagine what was going on behind the Black household’s closed door by what Sirius had told you.

Pain, screams and suffering enough to make even the strongest wizard or witch cry their eyes out, just to escape, just to... end it all.

Much like the sniffles coming from insidehis dorm after you entered, sniffles that did nothing to ease your nervousness.

And there he was, your absolutely soft and loving and perfect boyfriend, laying on his side as he clutched his cushion thightly while sobbing uncontrollably , his body heaving up and down as his cries rolled off his tongue and reached your ears. Your heart clenched painfully at the heartbroken boy before you, twisting an invisible knife deeper and deeper with each of his cries as you slowly walked up to him and sat down on the bed, alerting him to your presence before putting your hand on his shoulder and caressing his shoulder comfortingly with sad eyes.

“Reggie...” you knew how he hated that nickname, even throwing a fit to Evan how he didn’t like, though he always said he preferred only you to say it, so when he didn’t react even at that name, you sprinted to his other side after applying a locking charm to the door, guessing he would want to be alone with you right now withour anyone barging in.

At first, he tried to deny you and your touch, but you were persistent. When you said yes to date him, you made a promise to him that day: even if your ways split, you would still be there for him through thick and thin.

You wouldn’t ve another person who left him alone.

“I’m not leaving, I’m here... You’re safe, Regulus...”

And perhaps, it was the way your voice so softly comforted him and how your hands glided through his black curls, or maybe he was too tired after crying his heart out. Whatever it was, he suddenly got up and launched at you, burrying his face to your neck as you sat down on your butt and swayed him from side to side like a baby. Regulus was a man who fought until his last breath, someone who rebelled silently, someone who stood on his ground so strictly that you often thought there would be nothing that could break him.

What happened to him to make him turn into a mess?

What did they do this time?

He was talking, rambling about how bad it was and how she was gonna kill him for it but you didn’t know what “it” was. Your frown hardened by each passing second as his rambles got more intense with fear, fear of his own mother.

“ I-I h-had to leave... I had to leave there, Y/N! They... They wanted-“ another choked sob raked through him as you hugged him even thighter than previously, lifting his head in a hurry and desperately searching for your eyes, to see if you believed him, if you were trully there, if you were... real.

You held onto his face softly, running your thumb up amd down through the bridge of his nose as you kissed his lips to prove to him that you were real, and he was safe in Hogwarts, making him feel all of you as his tears wet your lips, leaving a bitter taste at your tongue.

Not from the salty taste, but the pain they held.

Your mind already finished his sentence without him actually doing so. Because there was only one thing you both feared, one thing that kept him awake at most nights...

One thing that made him cry onto your shoulders that much...

“Did they... Did they do it?” your shaky whisper shook him from the half-trance he was in, and your question made you shiver as if You-Know-Who’s hands were around your neck, your shoulders, the death and chaos that followed him around reeking even in the comforting bubble you two had in Regulus’ dorm.

He shook his head as his hands twisted the silk of your robe. “No... Bella came to the house, said that she wanted to take me to him... The Dark Lord. She said it would be an honor to fight for his cause...” he paused  to gulp down the bile that rose to his throat, clenching his eyes shut and focusing on your comforting smell and warmth. He slowly calmed down and looked at you with his ocean blue eyes, wondering how it was possible for you to net be like his own family, how you were so kind and different than others. When he first saw you in the Great Hall, everyone was looking at you in awe, some were jealous and some were scared. Mostly half-bloods and muggle-borns who was now aware of your family and how in danger they were with a school full of purebloods who mostly wanted to get rid of them.

But just as your kindness and warmth eased him many times, they eased those who once feared you as you welcomed them all happily with open arms, making them promise to turn to you if something were troubling them. You proved everyone that you and your family wasn’t like those psychopaths who was hellbent on killing them, even if it made you be branded as “blood-traitor”. You didn’t seem like you cared much about it, rather spending time with your friends even when nasty Slytherins threw insults at you. All you did was to flip them off and go back to whatever you were doing...

And this was why he hesitated to talk to you at the beginning, both from his family status and the nasty comments that would be thrown at you from his house in Hogwarts. He thought you were only kind to muggle-borns and half-breeds since they were being bullied constantly and, harsh to the purebloods who insulted you.

And he was a pureblood... which meant that you would defiently flip him off and even hurt him.

Which proved to be wrong soon, when he cautiously walked up to you in potion class and asked for help as you turned around and gave him a wide smile as you patted the spot next to you. He didn’t want to think back to how close you two were as you listed the ingredients behind him and looked from his head and down at the cauldron to see if he was doing it right.

But it was the happiest he had ever been as you smiled at him and patted his back proudly as you called for the Professor and showed him your works. That was the moment he realized that he could talk to you without any fear, and also, come to you with some of his problems whether you were able to solve them or not. But perhaps, the biggest discovery about his first meeting with you was...

Knowing deep down that he would fall for you, and your dedication for those close to you.

He was proven right, and it was also a joy to realize this as much as it pained him.  He knew with what kind of burden he came, and he didn’t want to do that to you. It wasn’t fair to such a sunshine person like you. But he had been a bit more selfish than he wanted to admit in his life, and he needed a light... A hope that showed him, told him that his days that was often covered with darkness would be gone soon.

He didn’t know what he did to deserve you, to have you return his feelings almost 2 years ago, but he was so damn glad to Merlin that you were in his life, that you were his light, his saviour.

Just a few minutes ago, he was miserable and scared and didn’t know what else to do. He felt like he was cornered like a wild, hurt animal, not knowing or seeing a way out.

But at least... He had you, he would always have you.

It wasn’t like he didn't come clean with this, his family and how they supported Voldemort. It was actually one of the main reasons that even if he loved you, his heart called for you, he would never try to court you. He couldn’t bring himself to be the reason your smile would fall, the reason you would be dragged into his mess.

But still... Both of you naively thought that he had more time, that you both had more time to act like a normal couple living a pink romance.

That was what you wanted to have. For Regulus to feel safe and happiness, away from the tragedy that was his family.

Apparently, Merlin had other plans.

“B-But... You’re still in school? I thought they wouldn’t...” your voice died down as horror filled you for what was coming to your ways. You were aware of their bond with the Dark Lord, and that they would make either him or Sirius join the DeathEaters too. Sirius was safe now that he ran away and seeked help from James, and you were happy for him. Sirius, James and Remus were your friends anyways, you loved hanging out with them or tutoring them.

Which meant almost all the time.

They were nice people, happy to help you at any time and anywhere, or well, every person who they loved and cherished...

That was exactly why you didn’t understand when Sirius appeared in James’ house alone, leaving his little brother, 14 at that time, alone in such a “hellhole”.

Alone and defenceless, crying much like now as he curled in a ball...

But deep down, you knew that Sirius was worried about him too. You knew him, and listened to him as he cried to you about how he wasn’t used to feeling safe and how worried sick he was for his brother. Something must have happened for Regulus to not let him come with his brother, and Sirius to not drag him away from that house.He, after all, was a stubborn little shit whether the situation was good or not.

 But whatever it was that made both of them not to talk for months and reconcile, it came back to bite everyone’s ass.

“I know, love... I know...” he kissed the tip of your nose as he tried to comfort you back, feeling your fear as his. That was one of the reasons why he fell for you: You felt everyone’s pain even when they really didn’t deserve it.

And though he liked watching you get protective and help someone out while he stood behind and admired you, the tears sitting at the corner of your lovely eyes did nothing but break him even more as he wiped them away, kissing just under your eyes softly, afraid of inflicting you with even more pain.

“That’s what I said, that I should finish school first but... Mother said it was full of dirty wizards and witches, muggleborns and half-bloods. She said I was better off without all those scums....” your brows furrowed at how Walburga Black was so... full of hatred at those who wasn’t like her, her sons included. You probably never saw another human who was so full of hatred, her negativity pouring as venom, trying to poison everyone just as she once was. You had a good guess of why she was like this, why she always threw hatred and so many curses on practically everyone.

After all, none of her sons turned out to be like the Black family. Both of them didn’t support the “Pureblood nonsense” like they did, and Sirius was brave enough to rebel against them while Regulus did it more silently. He showed himself to be just like the perfect Black heir, did everything they asked for and stood tall against them.

He wasn’t brainwashed by them, and though they weren’t proud of him- and could never be- You were so damn proud for him, just like a certain older brother.

You didn’t know it but Regulus, had it been not for you, he feared he would have actually believed in them and what they said, solely for the reason that he wanted them to love him, to acknowledge him as a son. They wanted perfection and he wanted to be perfect, he needed to be perfect.

Because if he wasn’t... Who would he be to anyone?

You are Regulus Arcturus Black, he remembers you telling him after he finally came clean to you about what was in his mind, after asking you out. He was so sure you would decline, laugh it off or anything remotely that told him you didn’t feel the same, before he felt your soft hands slowly taking hold of his downcasted head as his eyes widened in surprise at how... content you looked with the same smile that ignited a fire deep in his soul that it never died, and would never do.. And you are a great man who is kind, strong and powerful, brave too! You are my favourite person in the whole world and I’ll spend an eternity reminding of who you are... Starting with, my boyfriend.

Silence scretchted between you two as he smiled softly at the memory, a perfect one to cast a Patronus perhaps. He desperately wished that this was one of those times you sneaked into his dorm for a nightly fate when he would for sure know that you would scare away all the demons in his head...

But unfortunately, the reality was something else. Something even more demonic and evil than the usual nightmares that haunted him.

Something that tore both him and you apart by how scary it was.

“What did you do... Regulus, did you do it?” he didn’t speak, just took your hands and put them on his sleeve, wanted you to look yourself. Because he didn’t have enough energy anymore. Suddenly, as you slowly pulled his sleeve up, the reality of what would have happened if he didn’t fight against them crashed him.

He would never see you saunter into the Great Hall every time, he wouldn’t sneak out in the middle of the night to have a late night date with you, he wouldn’t be the one to walk with you to your next class, he wouldn’t wait for you for food, he wouldn’t go to Hogsmeade and look at you as you begged to have some more candy from Honey &Dukes, he wouldn’t watch as yougot embrassed cutely...

He wouldn’t be there to love you, and you wouldn’t be there to love him.

You took a sharp intake of breath as you felt his skin over his dress shirt, as if somehow, you would feel the dark tint of the skull and snake symbol over his forearm. You would never judge him, never dare to do such thing. How could you, when you knew how much pain he would have to endure for it, knowing how much it would hurt him?

If that happened, if he yielded and accepted-or rather forced to- you would surely feel helpless and scared, for him. But then, there would absolutely be nothing stopping you from taking him to safety, and possibly going apeshit crazy at them for doing something, something he didn’t want to, on him.

“I just... I just wanted to be enough, for them t-to just... love us.” Your heart broke as stray tears escaped your eyes at how broken he sounded, how even amidst his pain, he still cated for his brother. Regulus took your silence and gasp as a bad sign, he murmured sadly with his eyes downcasted once more as he rubbed your tender flesh. He already felt like a total douchebag, including the voice that screamed at him that he was just like his family with you crying in front of him and him not being able to do anything, that he didn’t deserve anything good in life. And your soft cries didn’t help how he already felt helpless either.

“Don’t cry, love... I know that’s stupid but-“

“No it's no... Not if it’s making you feel like this...” you murmured as you took his hand between yours, squeezing his elegant and long fingers one by one as a way to comfort him as he smiled down at you, seated on his bed as the silky green color complimented you in the best way possible. His eyes looked at your body as the light casted on you made you look ethereal and take his breath away with your beauty. He looked down at your hands as they caressed his hands and wrist comfortingly, before pulling it up to reveal... smooth skin, without any dark ink covering it.

But...

Your hands stopped at feeling a bump on his perfect skin... A bump that wasn’t to be there... Alongside with bruises and yellow-ish tints on his arm...

“T-They... They did crucio o-on you?” you stammered out as you lofted his arm closer to yourself, looking between him and the bruises he had with wide eyes.

“Bella...” he said sadly as his hands clutched your arm thight, as if his life depended on you. And in a way, it did. You were his whole life, the only thing he had, and he would be nothing without you. “She did it, later mother beat me and threw insults and crucio at me...”

“I didn’t even say anything at first... Until she included you.  How she would destroy you, ruin you since you were being a distraction to me and what was more important.” He explained as he took your hands between his and kissed them, a gesture that often left you a blushing mess, and continued. “That’s when I decided that it was enough. That all the pain she inflicted on us, on me was over. I had a life, my life... I would never let her or anyone hurt you, so I fought back and... well, you know the rest.” He mumbled shyly as he peered at you, trying to determine what the effect of his words were to you. Flushed cheeks and wide eyes? That’s something he expected. Shuffling like a cat in embrassment? Also expected, that was something you usually did with him which was another thing that he found adorable.

But what wasn’t expected was what left your mouth.

“I’ve always loved that about you...” you whispered out eith softest eye possible and this time, it was the Regulus Black who blushed.

“What do you mean?”

You shrugged your shoulders as he frowned, but upon you not looking at him and the sudden urge to hide yourself, he smirked and threw his arms around your waist to pull you against him as he nuzzled his face to your neck while your hands played with his curls. He was glad that once sad and bad vibe left to a more pleasant and happy one as he shared this moment with you, with hugging and kissing.

You giggled as the ticklish feeling his lips left on yourbskin made you groan while trying to stop him, so that you could get those words out. You loved his kisses and how they made you feel, but you had to say this... Or else it would eat you alive, and then you would be frowning the whole next day.

“I mean-hey, stop! I’m trying to be romantic here!” you swatted his hand away as it slowly slithered upwards aling the expanse of your naked back, ruhhing circles on the flesh there as he hummed. “I thought it was my thing, love?”

“Yeah, but now, I changed it! It’s mine now, you did it a lot. Now, will you please listen, my pretty and handsome boyfriend?”

“Hmm... Gotta think, love... Maybe after a kiss?” he wiggled his brows playfully as you rolled your eyes but did so, smiling into the soft and lingering kiss you both shared.

Ugh, this boy... Always looking for way to smooch me...

“Now that you had your kiss,” you said after being parted from him, panting at the intensity of the kiss and trying hard to not dive back at the sight of his pink and swollen lips, you continued with a finger idly rubbing his lips and then his beauty mark under his chin.

“I love your brave heart. Even if you might not think so, you have been standing up against them for so long and you, protecting me even if I wasn’t there further proves it...” you looked at him with a kind look and took his hand to place it on your chest, right where your heart was as you continued.

“I love how you always know how to make me smile, no one makes me smile the way you do, my days better and surprise me. I love how you always seem like you don’t care but actually listen when there is something we, any of us, want or when something is bothering us.”

“I love how thoughtful you are, even when it breaks you... Just like how when Sirius left home, and you came to me crying. Not because you felt anger or hatred, which would have been understanable by the way, but rather joy. Joy, because you knew that it was a new start for him so that he could live a normal life even if it killed you.” A scoff left you in the middle of your speech  remembering how your best friend left his little brother like that but soon disappeared when you remembered how broken he was when he talked about his brother.

Regulus, though, was in shock. Because no one in his life had ever been that thoughful and attentive to the way he felt. No one really saw what was hidden behind his strong façade but yet again, you weren’t “no one” and he was always going to be understood.

From now on, and until forever.

“you don’t think I’m... broken? Bad?” he mumbled as he looked at you through his lashes, head down but still smiling. Your heart soared for the boy before you and you leant down to capture his lips with yours, but not before uttering one lost heartfelt sentence.

“All I know is that I love you, that you deserve everything good in life.”

Regulus sniffled once more as he accepted your kiss, humming happily as he allowed you to deepen it. Little shocks went through his body and he wondered if you felt it too but didn’t dwell on it more. He only accepted your unconditional love.

“I know I don’t say it out loud much, but I really do love you so much... You’re all I’ll ever need to feel better.”

“And I love you, love... So much.” You whispered silently, kissing the topnof his head as he thightened his hold on you. Everything was nice and silent once more, only the sounds from the crickets and owls reaching both of your ears. You kissed his head, his forehead and cheek contionously while he laughed, genuinely laughed since he came back, while trying to make you stop. He knew trying to physically stop you wouldn’t work, so he opted for other ways.

Like, kissing you desperately from your neck as he breathed out to tour most sensitive part of the column of your neck, gracefully out only for him to kiss, to mark.

And he wasn’t wrong. When you felt his hot lips on your neck trailing wet and fast kisses up and down your neck, you gasped and let him do as he wanted. Your legs opened for him to step between them, hovering over you with both of his hands on each side of your head as he gazed at you with love and clear desperation. At that moment, you two weren’t just two lovers who were fucking around.

You two were soulmates that understood each other on another level.

He suddenly stopped his ministrations and just looked down at you from above you for a few seconds before sighing dejectedly.

“I don’t want to live there... But I don’t know where-“

“You are not going back to that place, Regulus. Not again, I won’t allow it.” You sternly cut him as you rose up on your hands, brows knitted together while you pushed yourself up as he lowered back and looked at you as if you were crazy.

“B-but... I have nowhere else to go! They would cut me off of the tapestry and disown me! Sirius had James and-“ he exclaimed in distress as he started to shake again, shaking his head at the sudden panic of the reality and what he was supposed to do. He was so caught up in the comfort he had after so long that he had forgotten about what was waiting for him.

His mother with her wand out to use even mkre gruesome punishments, forcing him to come to their meeting and kill innocents...

He couldn’t get help if they did it, and how would his brother look at him if he were to get that damned mark? He already didn’t consider him as a brother, he would definetly refuse to have anything to do with him after he sees it.

And you? How would you accept him like that? A vicious killer who would have to work for the Dark Lord even if it was the last thing he wanted?

You wouldn’t deserve it, you wouldn’t want it, you wouldn’t love him, you wouldn’t accept him, he would be all alone and then be killed as-

“And you have me..! You could stay with me and my family, you know they would do anything to protect us.”

Your desperate call for him was what made him come back to his senses, from the panic attack he had at just thinking about the possibilities. He didn’t register what you said at first. Inside his mind, there seemed to be a constant whirl and buzzing sound as if he was fighting back against a huge storm and he was just... trying, trying and trying but failing in the end.

But it was because he tried to do it alone. He was never allowed to ask for help since it was a “sign of weakness” as his father called it, but now that he had a different circle of people, different friends and above all you, he didn’t have to fear anything.

The way Regulus broke down at the mere mention of his family house( something that was supposed to be comforting) broke you, the sight of the kind boy you knew being treated that way... You couldn’t allow it anymore. There was no way you were letting him go to that house, back into Walburga’s waiting arms as she was waiting to point that damned wand to her own son and mercilessly torture him.

And, to prevent it, a bright idea came to your mind. Sure, there was a potential that your parents would be shocked, more likely have questions as to why they were hosting the boy but thwy would understand... and hopefully help him out.

“You know how my mum adores you, they would gladly help us both.” You weren’t lying to comfort him or yourself, it was true. Last summer, when you brought him to your house after he told something about his whereabouts to his mother, he stayed with you and he would always be thankful for what you did for him that summer. Because those 3 months were the best he had in a long time. At first, when he witnessed the pure love and care there was between all of you, he felt jealous and angry.

Jealous because he didn’t have, and could never have, what you had. He felt the bitter pangs of knives every time you kissed your parents, they brought you home made meals to your room as you showed him the cool muggle books or listened to songs on your bed as you held hands and looked at each other with lovesick smiles. The way you bravely sneaked into the guest room just to fall asleep with him, to comfort him so that he didn’t feel alone changed him in a way, made him more brave.

You didn’t have to know, but your mum always checked on him during night to see if he was doing fine and smiled whemever she saw you both sleeping while hugging each other as if your lives depended on it.

But even when he was jealous of you and your parents, though never serious, he had a clear mind to judge the situation and then... he realized how they included him to their casual lifes as well, just like you did.

It was like a famy thing, huh?

How your mother requested him to come to the kitchen and later taught him how to cook some meals, tasted what she cooked and even helped her out around the house all the while listening to her talk shit about almost every family in the wizarding world, except Weasleys, with a huge smile on his face.

He could never dare to do that in his own house, but here, in your own... He was sitting with your mother on the kitchen with a cup of tea and biscuits while they talked and talked. She took after her mother, both inner and outer beauty, he would think as he gazed at the way your mum talked and even threw some praises at him here and there which didn’t fail to make him blush.

He really wanted to be a part of that life, he needed it... He had never been happier than he was at that time and to hear you say that he could be...

“I can? You... Promise?” he hopefully asked with tears in his eyes as you nodded uour head immediately, bringing him for yet another hug as you kissed his nape softly.

���Yes, I promise. You and I, forever and then even more... Remember?” he suddenly surged forward and took your face in his hands, inhaling your shampoo before diving for a passionate kiss as his hands wrapped themselves around your waist and pulled you to his lap. He poured all his love and gratitude into it, teeth clashing together as his lips and tongue desperately searched for yours.

You squealed but then moaned slightly at how hot you suddenly felt, how his movements and kiss heated you up more than normal. This kiss wasn’t normal, this side of Regulus wasn’t normal. He normally was someone who showed his love silently, who kissed you under shadows. You understood it well, he wasn’t a man who liked to show off with physcial affection and rather made his silent care work its magic.

But right now, this Regulus was fragile and sensitive, and his desperate kisses showed it too as he wanted you to... know it.

And Merlin, did you know it...

You held onto his neck and hair as your lips moved against his lips, leaning him back amd making him lay on his back as your body laid on his flush, chest to chest. The kiss was everything you both wanted, it has been so long since he deprivee both himself and you from each other but it wasn’t the time for it to lead to something more.

Not when he was so in pain, and need of comfort.

Besides, there was something else that needed to be talked about if you were doing what you were planning to do. Some people that needed to know, who would gladly move the entire universe for the boy below you

You shyly looked at him with a troubled look and Regulus’ brows knitted together as he worriedly took a hold of your face in his warm palms. “Is something wrong, my love? Was it too much?”

You looked at him in amazement, the fact that he still thought about your comfort when he was the one who needed it bedazzled you. But like you said, it was a trait you loved about him, perhaps the the best one.

You shook your head while taking a huge breath in. “No, love... It was quite... enjoyable.” You flushed under his teasing smirk, cursing at him for making you feel like a little kid being offered candy inside your mind as you cleared your throat and got off of him to sit next to where his body was now leaned back against the head of his bed. He was looking at you with confusion and slight worry, wondering ehat was on your mind as his hand wandered to your knee and rubbed it gently. To not give him any more scare any longer, you took in his glorious sight and continued.

“There are two more people who you could turn for help to.”

That was something you both talked about a lot, who he would turn to if shit went wrong and he had to act quick with his escape. You always knew that Regulus shouldn’t stay in that house even a moment longer, but he insisted that he was fine and assured you that everything was under his control with a swift kiss to your forehead.

So you kept your silence. You didn’t talk about it again until he would want to, but still... You told Sirius about the awful things they did to Regulus as he listened with clenched jaw and asked him if there was anything he could help with when the time comes.

Not if... When.

Because everyone knew that the inevitable was waiting right outside the door, and there was no stopping it.

And he of course, immediately offered himself which you declined for the time being since Regulus still believed that he hated his brother. You watched how broken he suddenly seemed after you said it but still nodded, knowing how he fucked everything up by not grabbing him with himself as he left, and gavr you their uncle’s name.

“He is a good man, also like us who didn’t believe in their ways... If there is anyone that could help, it’s him.”

Regulus tilted his head to you as if asking what you meant,  how the hell it was possible that there would be more people who could help him, and with a sigh, you looked at his eyes. “Your uncle Alphard and... Sirius.”

“No... My uncle? That’s fine. But Sirius... He hates me, love. He showed me how he felt about me! He wouldn’t want anything to do with me!” he got up from his bed hastily in panic and went to the open window as he leant over it with his hands in his hair, welcoming the fresh and cool air into his lungs.

You understood where he was coming from, knowing little pieces about how that night went between them and how he... did a lot for Sirius that night, something he didn’t know and probably would never. Some harsh words were apparently exchanged between them and even if they both knew that the other didn’t mean it...

It didn’t hurt any less.

Regulus thought that Sirius chose James over his own brother and hated him for being the way he is.

Sirius thought his little brother wad ashamed of the person he was, how he always caused trouble even as toddlers and made him get hurt even though he would mostly be the one taking the blame for him.

And you thought that the Black brothers were stupidest motherfuckers in the whole world.

Your arms fell helplessly on the bed as you watched Regulus break down, almost, again. You never felt this helpless in your life, and your gut told you that the reason of his agitation was partly because he hated himself for making you go through this, but...

You promised him one year ago that no matter what happens, you would be there for him.

Always.

“No, my love... Sirius loves you and cares about you. I know, because I listened to him as he cried in James’ house.” You walked up to him slowly, took his hand and stood before him as your hand crept up towards his sculpted face and rubbed his cheek softly before tiptoeing and kissing each side of his cheek as he smiled and exhaled slowly.

At that time, things were tense for them. So much so that it affected the school as well.  Sirius was still on edge because of his parents, worried sick for both Regulus and himself, thinking that they were planning something evil about himself. Regulus was hurt because his brother left him, for James, and even called him his “brother” which didn’t seem anything friendly to the poor, young boy who was drowning in his insecurities. It didn’t matter that he was already thinking about also running away, to you probably, but he wasn’t abandoning a brother for another one in his eyes and therefore blamed Sirius for being selfish.

But, as much as you understood both Regulus’ frustration and Sirius’ anger, you also knew that your friend and the older brother of your lover would drop everything to help his little brother out of that shithole.

“Just... Talk to him. Because I know you, you would regret not doing so if you don’t do it.” You sighed out tiredly, the later hours into the night catching up to you as you begged him softly, hoping that he would accept. A part of you feared that he wouldn’t, and tey to solve this by himself like always...

But you were his weakness, the reason he rebelled back and changed his future unknown to either one of you.

He would kill for you, die for you, live for you and turn the whole universe upside down if he had the power.

“Okay... Will you... Will you also be there? For me?” he softly smiled and kissed your nose, leaning his forehead to yours as he waited for your answer with a small smile. You smiled before kissing him deeply, slowly as your lips lingered on his and he closed his eyes slowly as if to savour this moment. You tugged him towards bed with a whine. “ Forever and always... Now, come back to bed.”

At that, a playful smirk found his face since you came in his room. “Now, I thought we could get to that lever later in our relationship, love.” You blushed heavily at how that one innocent sentence seemed so... cozy and something a married couple would say. You hid your face at the sudden flashes of you two being married, living your dreams in a cottage far way from everyone came before your eyes before punching his arm. It didn’t do anything of course, that boy was fit contrary to what people thought by his lanky figure, except making him laugh and kiss your hairline.

“You’re so adorable when you blush... Alright, let’s go and sleep.” You smiled as you watched him get under his duvet and groan in relief when he found a good position to sleep, blushing at how the expanse of his back flexed with each of his movements. You sighed in relief at seeing that he would finally fall into a comforting sleep and moved to quitely get out of his dorm when his monotone yet curious voice reached you, halting you in your steps.

“And, where do you think you are going?” he asked matter of factly as you stood there like a deer, with a hand on the doorknob as you slowly turned to look at him sitting down on his bed and laying halfway down with his torso out. “Uh... Going back to my dorm?”

“And who said you could?” he raised a brow at you questioningly as you laughed awkwardly, turning fully to him with your arms crossed in front of your chest as you looked down at him hesitated.

“I thought you would want to... be-“

“Trust me, love, being alone is the last thing I need right now... I need you...” he shyly said, his cockiness suddenly disappearing as he opened the duvet and offered you to come and sleep with him. His chuckle of disbelief made you scoff at him as you went up to him and got under it without making him repeat himself. He chuckled once more as he pulled you towards him, snuggling to you as your arms wrappes around him and soon you both fell asleep to the comforting embrace of your lover.

When he arrived in his room, he was terrified of going back to Grimmauld House and be forced to accept the Dark Lord’s way. He felt as if there was no other option for him, and he even mentally prepared himself to break up with you to save you from the tragedy. But as you slowly came back to his bed and sat down before inching closer to him and settling right next to him on the single bed, your bodies flushed together as you laid your hand on his chest, right where his heart was beating loudly, he felt hope blossom in his chest.

Even if he chuckled and tried to play the cool Regulus to hide how these all meant a lot to him

He fell asleep peacefully with you between his arms and this time, rather than those nightmares that decorated his dreams as he only saw his mother and the red hue of the cruciotus curse, he now dreamed of future.

A future where he was happy with you, in a country-side...

A future where you would be waiting for him with just as warm and soft embrace, continuing to lighten his days just as you are doing just by existing...

A future where he is safe and happy, with the family you two might create, a family that would be completely different than the one he has.

And, for the first time in 16 years, he had a good nights of smorning.yoy btoh laid under his duvet together, not caring about the teasing he would face the next morning.

[readychilledwine]

Breathplay

✨️Kink Education with Elizabeth✨️

If you're looking to add danger to your sex life, look no further.

Erotic asphyxiation, or breath play, is one of the most dangerous kinks in the BDSM community. Breathplay is the act of cutting off air supply during sex with the goal of achieving a more intense orgasm. There's mild forms of breathplay (hand or elbow around throat, closing partner's nose off during oral), less mild (forcing head into pillows or objects, hoods specifically designed for breathplay), to extreme (use of plastic wrap or plastic bags, waterboarding, forcing your partner's head into a body of water) and none of them are 100% safe.

Breathplay is dangerous for anyone, but if you have an underlying health condition, especially one involving your heart or lungs, it's best to possibly avoid this form of play. You can enjoy a hand necklace without the pressure, don't worry.

This form of kink play is not recommended by any medical professional nor sex therapists.

Please play safely💜

💕Peep the Valentine's Day list here💕

As always, NSFW below cut.

Rowan Whitethorn x Reader

Warnings - I picture Rowan as a mean daddy dom with a masochistic streak, oral m receiving, p in v, reader passes out, references to her being passed around the Cadre, references to forced submission, hints of degradtion, unedited because I was running a little behind today 🫣

Rowan’s head fell back, a soft grunt falling from his lips as he seated himself all way into your throat. One hand had you back the back of your neck, forcing you where he wanted you for as long as he wanted you.

Breathing was becoming difficult, vision blurring slightly as you did everything you could to take a deep breath with your air way constricted the way it was. “Struggling whore?” You felt yourself clench at his words, at the deep graveled tone of his voice.

Rowan was never gentle with you. He was strict, demanding, and a masochist. He enjoyed watching you struggle, seeing you in pain and begging. He loved watching you cry as he pounded into you withholding orgasm after orgasm until you were so over stimulated you could do nothing but lay there, pliant to his pleasure.

You knew he cared for you, but you were his small fraction of peace in this fucked up world. One he so desperately was fighting tooth and nail to make better.

You weren't a warrior, you weren't blessed with healing magic. You were just a simple fae female. Well, as simple as a female capable of shifting into any form could be.

You were his spy. A spy damn near useless for anything but scouting, but still a spy.

Besides, he found use for you. So many uses actually.

His personal lap pet.

His personal whore.

His personal toy he could loan out to his brothers when they needed stress relief.

Right now, though, your biggest use was being his.

He pulled out slightly, grip on the sides of your neck tightening as his other hand came to hold your nose shut. “If you are struggling this early, how am I supposed to have fun with you?” The lack of air was getting to you. You knew you could tap his leg twice, and it would stop, but you wanted to desperately please him, to be of service. “Such an eager slut. You are lucky I can tell you need to breathe, y/n.” He pulled out completely, letting go of your nose. He forced you up, hand moving to the front of your throat as you gasped for air.

Precious life giving air.

He pulled you to his lips, a messy harsh kiss cutting air back off for a second as his grip tightened again.

This wasn't fully what you had in mind when he said he wanted to try something new, something Fenrys told them he had tried recently.

You would have to talk to the wolf about his reckless endangerment of himself later.

Rowan turned you, letting go long enough to force you down on the bed, forcing you hips up slightly. “Such a pretty cunt,” he slapped your core, watching in sadistic glee as as you screamed and wiggled, wetness now spreading and dripping. “All mine, isn't she?” He shoved your head into the pillow, forcing you into shocked silence.

Forcing you to be unable to answer him. “I asked you a question. Is this pussy mine?” You could hear the smirk in his voice, hear him planning on how he'd punish you.

You felt the slaps land. Three consecutive slaps right to your aching needy center.

Your moans were muffled by the pillow. You tried taking a deep breath to still your body and calm back down, but your airways were mostly blocked again.

4 more slaps came before two thick fingers plunged into you. Rowan growled behind you. “Wyrd, you are so tight. You'd like after this long we would have ruined your holes by now.” He began pulling them in and out at a blinding speed, hand still holding you in the pillows.

Your vision was going black again, mind racing as it pleaded for oxygen.

His fingers curled, and out of nowhere, an orgasm tore through you, ripping a scream of his name and the rest of the oxygen from your lungs. Rowan was silent behind you, hand moving to your hair to pull you up.

“Status?”

You shook your head, throat so sore and body needing air so badly you couldn't answer. You tapped the bed once, a code you normally only used when your lips were wrapped around his throat to indicate you needed him to slow down.

“I figured. You have never done that. You have never come without my permission.” Rowan removed his fingers from you, wiping them on the bed. He went behind you, holding your hips in his hands.

You knew he'd be gentle for a bit as his cock entered your soft walls slowly inch by inch. He took you slowly, a finger playing with your clit until you were calm again, body welcoming and swallowing him.

You relaxed, enjoy each roll of his hips as it sent a wave and wave of pleasure through you. Of the Cadre, he would always be your favorite. His length filled every inch of you so perfectly, so snugly, sex with him felt more like a puzzle finally finding its last piece than it did the obligation you were actually sent to them to fulfill. "Daddy," you moaned out, hips meeting his in a practiced dance. "So good, Daddy."

He groaned behind you. "I know, princess. Daddy's cock always makes you so wet." His hand found the back of your neck again. "Take a deep breath, princess."

He was pounding into you with in second, head forced back into the pillows as he did. You felt your hands curling at the sheets as you writhed moaning and crying below him.

It felt so fucking good. Better than normal, actually. It was as if your body was too lost on where to focus, fighting for air or relaxing and enjoying the way Rowan was ripping you apart.

You felt yourself becoming lightheaded, body softening. Rowan, misunderstanding, smiled, thinking you had fallen into his favorite overestimated dick drunken state. Your vision was filled with black dots, mind focusing on the sounds of him above you. Of his moans, his groans, the growls.

Rowan felt the moment he lost you, pulling himself out of you and flipping you as quickly as he could. "Fuck! Princess, I need you to come back to me," he started rubbing your sternum, eyes wide as he took in your face.

Your beautiful face where blood vessels had ruptured as your body struggled.

Struggled because of him.

He had almost killed you.

And you had almost let him.

He didn't know if he was angry, aroused by your complete trust in him, or just scared, but that first breath, that gasp you took before your body shook in his arms, tears falling. He laid you back down, hovering above your face and stroking your hair back. "Deep breath, y/n. There you go. Good girl."

You were met with light and green eyes staring down at you. "What happened?"

Rowan kissed your brow. "You did not use our fucking safe word or tap system is what happened. I almost fucking killed you."

You smiled below him, eyes closing again. "Felt so good. I wanted you to keep going."

Rowan’s forehead fell to yours, a rare full smile on his face. "Only you would pick dying with my cock inside of you over having to take a quick break."

He heard you moan, lips tugging up at the idea. "I would die a happy female if I died on your cock. Seems like the best way to die, actually. You buried so deep inside me, using me, body spent from pleasure."

He kissed your temple. "You will be punished for this later. Rest, my love."

"Are you sure you want to wait?"

Brows went up as he shook his head at you. "I will be bringing help with me to keep your mouth shut. Rest and prepare, princess."

General Taglist:

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@mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered

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@littlestw01f @azriels-shadowsinger

[literary-illuminati]

An Arbitrary Collection of Book Recommendations

(put together for a friend out of SFF I've read over the last couple of years)

Cli-Fi

Tusks of Extinction and/or The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler. They’re pretty different books in a lot of ways – one is a novel about discovering a certain species of squid in the Pacific might have developed symbolic language and writing, the other a novella about a de-extinction initiative to restore mammoths to the Siberian taiga – but they share a pretty huge overlap in setting, tone and themes. Specifically, a deep and passionate preoccupation with animal conservation (and a rather despairing perspective on it), as well as a fascination with transhumanism and how technology can affect the nature of consciousness. Mountain is his first work, and far more substantial, but I’d call it a bit of a noble failure in achieving what it tries for. Tusks is much more limited and contained, but manages what it’s going for.

A Half-Built Garden by Ruthanna Emrys. In a post-post-apocalyptic world that’s just about figured out how to rebuild itself from the climate disasters of the 21st century (but that’s still very much a work in progress), aliens descend from the sky and make First Contact. They’re a symbiotic civilization, and they’re overjoyed at the chance to welcome a third species into their little interstellar community – and consider it a mission of mercy besides, since every other species they’ve ever encountered destroyed themselves and their planet before escaping it. Awkwardly, our heroine and her whole society are actually pretty invested in Earth and the restoration thereof – and worried that a) the alien’s rescue effort might not care about their opinions and b) that other interest groups on earth might be more willing to give the hyper-advanced space-dwelling aliens the answers they want to hear. Basically 100% sociological worldbuilding and political intrigue, so take that as you will.

Throwback Sci Fi

Elder Race by Adrian Tchaikovsky is possibly the only thing I’ve read published in decades to take the old cliche of ‘this generic-seeming fantasy world is actually the wreckage of a ruined space age civilization, and ‘magic’ and ‘monsters’ are the remnants of the technology’ and play it entirely straight. Specifically, it’s a two-POV novella, where half the story is told from the perspective of a runaway princess beseeching the ancient wizard who helped found her dynasty for help against a magical threat, and half is from the perspective form the last surviving member of a xeno-anthropology mission woken out of stasis by the consequences of the last time he broke the Prime Directive knocking on his ship tower door and asking for help. Generally just incredible fun.

Downbelow Station by C. J. Cherryh is, I think, the only thing on this list written before the turn of the millennium. It’s proper space opera, about a habitat orbiting an immensely valuable living world that’s the lynchpin of logistics for the functionally rogue Earth Fleet’s attempt to hold off or defeat rebelling and somewhat alien colonies further out. The plot is honestly hard to summarize, except that it captures the feel of being history better than very nearly any other spec fic I’ve ever read – a massive cast, none of them with a clear idea of what’s going on, clashing and contradictory agendas, random chance and communications delays playing key roles, lots of messy ending, not a single world-shaking heroes or satanic masterminds deforming the shape of things with their narrative gravity to be seen. Somewhat dated, but it all very impressively well done.

Pulpy Gay Urban Fantasy Period Piece Detective Stories Where Angels Play a Prominent Role

A Master of Djinn by P. Djèlí Clark stars Fatma el-Sha’arawi, the youngest woman working for the Ministry of Alchemy, Enchantments and Supernatural Entities in Cairo, a couple of decades after magic returned to the world and entirely derailed the course of Victorian imperialism. There’s djinn and angels and crocodile gods, and also an impossible murder that needs solving! The mystery isn’t exactly intellectually taxing, but this is a very fun tropey whodunnit whose finale involves a giant robot.

Even Though I Knew The End by C. L. Polk is significantly more restrained and grounded in its urban fantasy. It’s early 20th century Chicago, and a PI is doing one last job to top off the nest egg she’s leaving her girlfriend before the debt on her deal with the devil comes due. By what may or may not be coincidence, she stumbles across a particularly gruesome crime scene – and is offered a deal to earn back her soul by solving the mystery behind it. Very noir detective, with a setting that just oozes care and research and a satisfyingly tight plot.

High Concept Stuff That Loves Playing around With Format and the Idea of Narratives

Radiance by Catherynne M. Valente is a story about a famous documentarian vanishing on shoot amid mysterious and suspicious circumstances, as told by the recovered scraps of the footage she was filming, and different drafts of her (famous director) father’s attempt to dramatize the events as a memorial to her. It’s set in a solar system where every planet is habitable and most were colonized in the 19th century, and culturally humanity coasts on in an eternal Belle Epoque and (more importantly) Golden Age of Hollywood. Something like half the book is written as scripts and transcripts. This description should by now either have sold you or put you off entirely.

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez is the only classic-style epic fantasy on this list, I believe? The emperor and his three demigod sons hold subjugated in terror, but things are changing. The emperor, terrified of death, has ordered a great fleet assembled to carry him across the sea in pursuit of immortality. The day before he sets out on his grand pilgrimage to the coast, a guilt-ridden guard helps the goddess of the moon escape her binding beneath the palace. From there, things spiral rapidly out of anyone’s control. The story’s told through two or three (depending( different layers of narrative framing devices, and has immense amounts of fun playing with perspective and format and ideas about storytelling and legacy.

I Couldn’t Think of Any Categories That Included More Than One of These

All The Names They Used For God by Anjali Sachdeva is a collection of short stories, and probably the most literary thing on this list? The stories range wildly across setting and genre, but are each more or less about the intrusion of the numinous or transcendent or divine into a world that cracks and breaks trying to contain it. It is very easily the most artistically coherent short story collection I’ve ever read, which I found pretty fascinating to read – but honestly I’m mostly just including this on the strength of Killer of Kings, a story about an angel sent down to be John Milton’s muse as he writes Paradise Lost which is probably one of the best things I read last year period.

Last Exit by Max Gladstone – the Three Parts Dead and How You Lose the Time War guy – could be described as a deconstruction of ‘a bunch of teenagers/college kids discover magic and quest to save the world!’ stories, but honestly I’d say that obscures more than it reveals. Still, the story is set with that having happened a decade in the past, and the kids in question have thoroughly fucked up. Zelda, the protagonist, is kept from suicide by survivor’s guilt as much as anything, and now travels across America working poverty jobs and sleeping in her car as she hunts the monsters leaking in through the edges of a country rotting at the seams. Then there’s a monster growing in the cracks of the liberty bell, an in putting it down she gets a vision of someone she thought was dead is just trapped – or maybe changed. So it’s time to get the gang together again and save the world! This one’s hard to rec without spoiling a lot, but the prose and characterization are all just sublime. Oddly in conversation with the whole Delta Green cosmic horror monster hunting subgenre for a story with nothing to do with Lovecraft.

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh is a story about aliens destroying the earth, and growing up in the pseudo-fascist asteroid survivalist compound of the last bits of the human military that never surrendered. It stars a heroine whose genuinely indoctrinated for the first chunk of the book and just deeply endearing terrible and awful to interact with, and also has a plot that’s effectively impossible to describe without spoiling the big twist at the end of the first act. Possibly the only book I read last year which I actively wish was longer – which is both compliment and genuine complaint, for the record, the ending’s a bit messy. Still, genuinely meaty Big Ideas space opera with very well-done characterization and a plot that does hold together. 

[blackboard-monitor]

how i've finished inktober every year for eight years and counting

Every time I mention around other artists that I finish inktober every year (meaning I draw and ink 31 drawings, one every day in October), I get questions like "how???", so I figured I'd make a post about it on the off chance it's helpful to someone. Please note that all my advice is based on my personal experience and you're a different person so what works for me may not work for you, and you can do whatever you want forever.

What it boils down to for me is two basic rules: 1) keep it simple and 2) manage your expectations.

Tools

Paper/sketchbook

I started my first inktober in my journal at the time, and because I'm neurotic like that, I've had to do every subsequent inktober in whatever journal I was using at that point.

The benefit of this is that each journal has had a page size of A5 or smaller, which can be tricky when trying to get in a lot of detail, but on the other hand forces you to limit the size of your drawings to a pretty managable size.

Paper type can also be important! Last year in 2023, my journal was a Moleskine sketchbook (image 1), which was actually designed to handle some degree of wet media, which was a game-changer for me as an ink wash enjoyer. Don't get me wrong, I've been using ink washes in most of my previous journals as well, but inking is a lot nicer when your paper isn't constantly buckling (image 2) or pilling and the ink isn't bleeding all over the place, inclunding through the page (image 3). Pages that stay flat instead of buckling are also a lot easier to scan or photograph, if like me you want to post your art online.

In short, my inktober paper recommendation is to use a sketchbook no larger than A5, and go for one with nice, thick paper if you intend to use wet media.

Sketching

I sketch everything with a single 6H pencil that I got from my brother in 2019. Because the lead is so hard, it allows me to scribble to my heart's content without the sketch getting too dark or hard to erase. Sometimes I'll refine the sketch with a HB mechanical pencil, which shows up really nicely on top of the 6H lines, but I may skip that step if I'm feeling lazy or the first sketch is clean enough.

Inking

I've used a variety of art supplies in my inktober drawings. For the most part I've always stuck to greyscale, with the exception of a couple of red or gold accents some years.

My main inktober tools are a set of Micron fineliners in various sizes, and liquid India ink, which I use with a dip pen and with brushes. I usually mix up a mid-tone ink wash in a small bottle, and use that throughout the month.

Fineliners pros: portable, require minimal setup, can use on the sofa or in bed or wherever Fineliners cons: creating texture and filling large areas is a lot more time-consuming. In 2021 I did inktober exclusively in fineliner because I was tired and couldn't be bothered to deal with liquid ink, but I ended up spending more time than maybe ever on the drawings because it took so long to add texture with pens.

Ink pros: you can achieve small details with a dip pen as well as quick texture and fill in large areas with a brush and ink washes Ink cons: can be messy (protip from 2022 Liekki, don't spill ink water all over your laptop), usually you have to sit at a table of some kind, you need to wash your brushes and dip pens, if your paper isn't designed for wet media, it'll buckle or bleed

Pick your inking tools and techniques based on how much time you have!

Prompts/ideas/subject matter

I've always stuck to the "official" prompt list, because it brings me joy to scroll through the tag of the day on instagram and see how others interpreted the same prompt. Or, rather, it used to bring me joy to do this, until instagram's enshittification stole our ability to look at tags. Maybe I'll have some luck with that on Cara going forward; here's hoping.

As for ideas, sometimes they come easy, sometimes it's like pulling teeth and I have to enlist all my friends to brainstorm with me (sorry, y'all). When in doubt, draw the first thing that comes to mind when you read the prompt; don't overthink it (like I often do). I like to try to come up with a less obvious interpretation of a prompt, but this is also where I often get stuck and have to harass my loved ones for ideas. Sometimes it helps to relate the prompt to a tv show/book/etc. you're into; I've done quite a bit of inktober fanart, as well as art of various DnD cahracters from games I've played/DM'd. If all else fails, just look at what everyone else is drawing that day.

Time management

Be realistic about how much time you have in a day to work on inktober, and then set your expectations accordingly. If you only have an hour, stick to a size and level of detail that you can realistically finish in an hour. I've done some very quick scribbles in my years of inktober when I've been busy that day.

My personal philosophy is that I try not to plan too much ahead; I don't do any sketching until day of, and ideally I don't try to come up with ideas for a prompt or at least decide on an idea until the day before at the earliest. Containing each drawing in one day helps me have realistic expectations of what's doable. This does mean drawing late into the night sometimes after procrastinating or struggling to find an idea all day, but it's what works for me.

If your goal is to complete inktober, it's better to do a small shitty drawing in ten minutes than to fall behing by starting something way too ambitious that you'll never be able to finish in a day.

Secret third rule!

Accept the fact that you aren't going to be happy with every drawing.

Inktober was created as an exercise to practice inking. Think of your drawings as sketches, not finished masterpieces. Some of them will be bad, at least in your own eyes. Sometimes you'll put a lot of effort into something that just doesn't work out. For example:

To quote Joe Hills, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of practice. So you fucked up today's drawing. Tomorrow is a new day – that's the beauty of inktober. "Ever tried, ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." (Samuel Beckett) Progress isn't linear, either; some years are consistently mediocre, other years it's all over the place with a couple bangers and a couple really shitty ones.

Every inktober I've made drawings I love,

drawings I'm indifferent to,

and drawings that straight up suck.

And I'm at peace with that.

Thanks for reading what turned into a pretty long post, and I hope some of it was helpful. Happy inktobering!

[burning-academia-if]

Lars + Flustered, please and thank you :)!

Happy one year anniversary to people trying to figure out how to fluster Lars!!!!!

Lars + Flustered

            “You’re not going to get him to blush, let alone be flustered. You might as well give up now.” Had been Nevio’s advice when you’d finally broken down and asked him. The impenetrable wall that was Lars Angel was one you couldn’t even begin to climb.

            It wasn’t just that you wanted to get him flustered, but you thought if you could achieve that, maybe he’d be willing to show just a little more of his emotions around you. The flicker of emotions he showed were so mild and so calculated. Still, if even the members of the Student Wardens had either scoffed or wished you luck, you weren’t sure how you were going to manage this feat.

            You’d tried everything you could think of. Surprises, sweet words, heated words, physical touch, gifts, everything. He’d caught on quickly, and while you’d expected him to tell you to knock it off at first, he’d only given his usual sharp smile.

            “Keep trying.”

            The challenge in those words had made you keep going. Lars had yet to break, and you’d long since lost count of your attempts.

            You flopped on the couch in his dorm, staring up at the ceiling. With a long suffering sigh, you said, “I give up.”

            “On?” Lars didn’t even look up from his laptop. He lounged next to you, feet propped up on the coffee table, his hair faintly messy and glasses low on his nose.

            Another heavy sigh escapes you. Of course, you’ve never actually said your end goal was to fluster him. Even if it was obvious to him what you were doing, saying it out loud would have ruined the intention behind it. The whole affair had been an open secret.

            Lars reaches out and lightly brushes a knuckle against the top of your head, “I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

            “This isn’t something you’d be willing to help with.”

            He finally lifts his head, places the laptop atop the table, and turns his full attention to you, “I’m willing to help you with anything if it’ll make you stop mopping.”

            “I need a list of all your weaknesses pronto—”

            “Try again.”

            As he turns away you let out a groan, “How many times have I tried, only to end in failure and for my beloved to scorn me—”

            “You’re acting like a child.”

            “—whatever can one do in such a state?” You reach up for him, fingers trailing against his face.

            There’s not a hint of amusement in his expression, “You’ll figure it out. You have a whole lifetime to figure it out.”

            “A whole—?” He returns back to his work before you can process the implications. You sit upright, suddenly feeling a wave of heat rush through your body. An entirely unfair experience consider this is what you’ve spent ages trying to get him to feel. “Hey, I’m going to need you to explain that statement, sir.”

            He doesn’t. And he doesn’t for the rest of the night despite your pestering.

[soulbutterlanguages]

How to build a language self-study plan

So I’ve noticed, upon combing through pages and pages of youtube videos and google blogs, that rarely does anyone ever actually tell you what you should be studying. There’s a reason for this ! Everyone is different and at a different level, different motivation. It’s impossible to create a study plan that is perfect for everyone... which is why it can also be agonizing to make one for yourself. 

“How am I supposed to know what’s important to study, if I don’t speak the language?” 

Well that’s a good question! You need to gauge how far you’ve come so far and how far you’d like to get. It’s easiest when you are starting from zero because you can learn the alphabet, numbers, basic phrases, and basic grammar. Easy peasy. You can go cover to cover in a text book. 

Here’s a check-list to create the perfect study plan special to you. 

1. What do I know already? What do I need to work on?

- is it worth starting a textbook, if you feel like you already know half of it? It might be worth completing the given exercises and if you achieve an 80% or higher (or you could give that lesson to someone else) then you can move on from that specific point.

- create a list of the points that you still need to master

2. What do I need to include in a study session?

- naturally there needs to be a focus or a few different focuses of a study session, whether it’s a specific activity or a grammar point. I recommend creating a list of things you want to get done (a.) every day, (b) every week, and (c) every month. These goals must be quantifiable. For example, every week I read two news articles in German. As a reflection, I then write a summary of the event of the article as well as a personal opinion. That’s an easy box to check.

- you need a reflection. It’s important to really take time to reflect on how you feel about the time spent and the materials used. What could you do better next time? What went well? 

3. When is the best time to study? 

- are you more active/focused in the morning or in the night? The key is consistency. If you have a routine, you’re far more likely to adhere to it. I know that my own schedule is highly changeable and that can make it very difficult, but I’ve found if I wake up in the same period of time every morning, brush my teeth, make my bed, and then sit down to my work, I feel far more productive. 

- how much should I study at a time? The recommended period is 25 minutes from the Pomodoro Method with a five minute break. You can research time-management techniques but ultimately it comes down to you. 

4. How do I take notes ?

- IT”S ALL ABOUT YOU! What I do is take messy notes in classes or on my own and then I transcribe the finished page to my Notion page. It gives me a chance to make the notes neater and also to review a little bit. I will say though statistically, you will remember better if you write by hand. 

- I like to have a column on each page for words I didn’t know