#Melancholy walker
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Ayo Edebiri by Walker Bunting
#Ayo Edebiri#Walker Bunting#visual art#color theory#light and such#texture: a feeling#embodiment as grace#here is melancholy#and against the haze of the afternoon the softest light
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The lonely walker in the field makes me feel things every time :( season 2 is so good, guys!
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Yet love revives as we spin homewards along the coast through the early evening. Joy and sadness come by turns, I know now. Beauty and bravery make you sad. Sharon's beauty and my aunt's bravery, and victory breaks your heart. But life goes on and on we go, spinning along the coast in a violet light, past Howard Johnson's and the motels and the children's carnival.
Walker Percy, The Moviegoer (1961) | Chapter 3, Part 1. Binx and Sharon cruising in his red MG. I find these musings particularly resonant because, in my own experience, joy and melancholy are the two intrinsic ways you can slice life.
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VIDEO OBSESSION〻ᯇ # matthew sturniolo
✦ SEARCHING FOR PROFILES… two results found !
result ONE out of TWO — @FallenAngels
Y/N GREENBLATT, streamer known for her gaming skills and pretty visuals. seven stars cigarette. moon during a snowstorm. mtl › nyc. thé matcha 26. nyx cold brew lip liner. ‘03 stargirl. coy. cinephile. back tattoos. vanilla vodka infused. alluring. chrome heart uggs. silver jewelry. white orchid. dazed. tangled & wired headphones. black cat. sirene gaze. sullen girl by fiona apple. sweet talker. guarded. shows care in subtle ways. handwritten letters. sensitive. classic black eyeliner, smudged like a memory. mushishi. overpriced coffee. blue velvet (1986). her dream collab? a limited-edition hoodie with cibo matto album art, designed by a tumblr artist she once reblogged. midnight ‘silent hill 2’ streams.
VICTORIA WALKER, cheetah print. manicured nails. dean blunt. monchhicci. started off streaming with y/n, now focusing on her music. tumblr girl gone global. fur boots. london › nyc. betty boop. tom ford vanilla sex. pocket-sized camcorder. ‘01 baby. rick owens. reclusive but magnetic. spider lily. ipod nano. minecraft. angels by a$ap rocky. paradise kiss. 11:11. chrome heart grills. dream collabs? yves tumor, peggy gou, and a track with a.g. cook that’s “still in the works.” mismatched tiffany bracelets. unreleased a$ap mob.
AERI UCHINAGA, pink-haired enigma. macbook photobooth. mean lesbian. twitch streamer turned cultural icon. cherry blossom. prettiestproblem on and offline. perfect blue (1997). harajuku streetwear. retired scene kid. björk. self-released ep titled “petal circuit”—a mix of shoegaze and hyperpop with haunting vocals. tokyo › nyc. widowmaker main. paranoia agent soundtrack. byredo’s blanche. ‘00 doll. two weeks by fka twigs. synth lab streams with modular glitches. dating ning yizhuo; model. domo.
HAMZAH SALEH, slush puppie. bone comics. vintage quiksilver tees. duct-taped backpack. messy. tony hawk fingerboards. his youtube history? “how to ollie without looking lame”. polar bears. co-runs slushy noobz; a youtube channel. created a subreddit called r/CherrySlushiesAnonymous. circa ‘02. napoleon dynamite (2004). cherry airheads. sega dreamcast he won’t shut up about. ck one. spider-man pez. xbox 360. unbrushed curls. owns a lego keychain of marah; his girlfriend. scrawny by wallows. steve lacy.
MARAH ADEL, doll eyes. celestial paradox. possession (1981). iced lavender lattes, leaves the last sip untouched “for the spirits”. heaven by marc jacobs. medieval angelology. ethel cain. ‘03 angel. tattoo artist of the hidden soul, her studio, melancholie, drips in velvet, candied amethyst light, and the faint hum of dusty jazz vinyl. etruscan art. dario argento films. night drives to nowhere. secretly hid a chipped rose quartz under hamzah’s bed. antique heart lockets. soft leather boots. faded polaroids. sparse. mtl › nyc. messy bangs. labdanum no. 3. seperpentskirt by cocteau twins.
back to masterlist! - profile two @ChromeHearts
🖥️𓈒ིུ✧꫶᳜᳝͟ᰭ✿⃨ TRENDING NOW ! matt sturniolo was known for many things: his striking looks, his dominance in the gaming world, and his complete inability to keep his cool around beautiful women. so it’s almost poetic—almost—that his fiery temper explodes during an intense fortnite match, broadcasted live to thousands, only to discover later that the player who completely shattered his pride was y/n greenblatt, one of the most beloved streamers in the community—and undeniably beautiful.
𝒢𝜚 💭 ࣪ ✸ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ∿ plsplsplspls send asks about these characters !!!
TAGLIST ( open ) ; @carvedtits @et6rnalsun @wovenribbons @flouvela @waitforyrlove @elizabebabe @ncm9696 @marrykisskilled @l34n @sturniolossss @lovingregulusblack @cl1tlover3000 @mattslolita @mattssgf @le4hsblog @brvtall @mattscoquette @chratts-left-ball @jetaimevous @angelesqve @starlace111 @secretlocket @starkeyszn @etherealval @slut4chriss @star-yawnznn @nickmillersn1gf @sturnsmia @tastesousweet @strnilolover @xoxo4chrisss @ifwdominicfike @emely9274 @maggot3647 @fratbrochrisgf @2augustsago @sturn777
#video obsession ! matt sturniolo (💻)#sirenedeslily ✶ ˖ ࣪#𝜗𝜚 streamer!matt ⋆.˚#𝜗𝜚 streamer!reader ⋆.˚#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo series#matt sturniolo smau#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo imagine#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets smau#sturniolo triplets x you#sturniolo triplets x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x reader#series#smau#matt sturniolo scenarios#sturniolo triplets scenarios
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You are meat One more word, then you're out on that street Shut your mouth, sit down at my feet Time to learn a little loyalty Ring a bell, get your treat Salivate, eat the whole damn feast Fuck around and I'm yanking that leash Dig in the dirt, counting worms like a beast
TW: it's +🔞 guys so don't read if ur not an adult. Inspired by Woof by FKA Rayne. Also it's a repost because the initial post went down while there is content much worse here. It's dishearting. The real steamy part is actually darn short and I removed that hot Ben Barnes gif tsk.
Note: this one is mainly for the girls who want to see Amos broken even before becoming a walker ~ ( hi @darklydeliciousdesires & @cillmequick)
in the official version they live happily ever after with their twisted and toxic relationship ok? Also told you that killing him wouldn’t be a solution for her but thiiiis? YES SIS
Lord Amos Bolton was a creature carved in shadow and steel. His presence itself was enough to send shivers down the spine of the bravest men of all Westeros. Stern and merciless, with his eyes as dark as coal, men whispered in fearful tones about his reputation for if there was one person responsible for entwining the name Bolton with torture it was him. His most creative punishment? Feeding men alive to his monstrous dogs.
The kennel he kept was infamous, filled with massive, snarling beasts bred to kill but with a loyalty to him so absolute they’d obey to his sole fingersnaps. To Amos, dogs were perfect creatures - powerful yet obedient, violent yet faithful, unlike men. And unlike men, who he only sought to control and break, Amos genuinely cared for the brutes.
Control was a need that consumed him, a need that drove every manipulative whisper or brutal act of his. It ran through his veins, exhilarating. And yet, behind the closed door of the marital bedroom, that beloved control started to slip through his fingers after he had hurt his Queen in a moment of madness.
That night he had entered the bedroom, closing the heavy wooden door behind him, before slowly heading toward the bed where Heavenerys was sitting, looking through the windows with sheer melancholy inhabiting her divine traits. With her long white hair and glowing eyes, she embodied his stark opposite: a blazing star in the midst of his darkness.
She barely acknowledged him.
Light of my life, I beg you to speak to me. My mind is growing restless without the enchanting melody of your voice calling my name. It was what he had said countless times since his horrid acts — acts that had horrified him despite they were the reaping of his own sows — yet, Amos knew that even begging wouldn’t work. He had wronged her too deeply for words to mend her. Instead, he just walked toward the majestic mahogany wardrobe, opened the last drawer, and pulled a long and heavy chain out of it. The metal rattled and chimed against the floor as he headed toward the queen, dragging the chain.
At this blood-chilling sound, Heavenerys looked up to him with fear in her fire-ice eyes but all she was met with was her husband’s compliant expression. His irises, two pools of the darkest ink, bore into hers.
“Light of my life…” His soft, velvet voice drawled with utter tenderness, “I beg you not to turn your face away from me. Please.”
She didn’t, something in his tone fanning the fire of her curiosity despite the ache in her soul.
Now that he was her sole focus, Amos slowly dropped to his knees in front of her while lifting his strong hands to the collar of his loose black linen shirt, “I know none of my pleas will ease your soul from my wickedness, and for that, I’ll pay for the rest of my life. All I can do is offer you what is the dearest to me. I hope you’ll accept it as a sign of my guilt and devotion to you.” As he spoke he unbuttoned his shirt, charming crowfeet appearing at the corner of his eyes, especially the left one, just above the adorable little mole on his cheekbone that endeared her so much. With the burdens of his shirt buttons being taken care of, his sly fingers then curled around the collar of his shirt to open it entirely. The moonlight shone on the bare skin of his muscular chest the queen usually loved to peppered with kisses whenever she stroked his hardened length before sleeping, whether they just had sex or not. But tonight, it wasn’t his seductive silhouette that made her heart skip a beat, but rather the thick, massive leather dog collar around his neck.
Heavenerys fleshy lips parted at the obscene sight, her little hands clenching on her bare thighs the revealing nightgown she was wearing showed.
“Amos! What does this folly mean?!” She gasped, her mind buzzing as she recognized the choker from the kennel, having seen many of them around his mutts. She had barely posed her question when the tall darkness gently laid the heavy chain on her lap — not a chain, she realized, a leash.
“Chain me, my Queen. Break me as I deserve.” He begged, dark eyes gleaming with pain and his usually smug expression turned into a submissive pout that made him even more irresistible. Amos tilted his head on one side to give her full access to the silver ring of his collar, just where she could hook the leash.
The luminous Queen felt heat pooling between her legs, her thighs timidly rubbing against each other as her arousal built up within. Her fingers ghosted over the cold metal, tempted.
“Make me crawl at your feet, and I will bear it gladly.” The cold stone floor was biting into his knees, but he hardly noticed. His trembling hands softly ran up her legs and stopped on her knees to part her thighs wide.
“I’ll serve you, not as a husband for I don’t deserve the title, but as your dog. As the miserable mutt I am.” Gently, Amos leaned to graze the sensitive skin of her inner thighs with his lips, his wet flesh ghosting over her before he gave one sensual lick. The sensation sent shooting stars to her stomach.
“Would you really… obey?” She dared ask with her Bambi lashes batting and her fist tight around the leash.
“Command me and I will obey without question, for I have no power anymore — only the mercy you choose to give.”
Amos Bolton might be feared by all, but it was his queen who held the reins — his only weakness and, perhaps, his only salvation.
That was how the little dragon found herself bouncing on his laps furiously, the tender walls of her soaked cunt clenching around his cock and her cries of pleasure echoing shamelessly through Dreadfort’s halls.
“Hev — Please.”
The little pathetic whine that left his ordinarily arrogant mouth made her plump lips curl in a sadistic grin.
“Oh no my Lord, I fear we can’t stop yet,” She cooed in a voice so gentle one might have believed she was sincere — but it was quite apart the malice sparking in her eyes.
“I can’t — I can’t take it anymore…” Amos’ fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as he clung to her, reduced to a sobbing mess. The noise of their fucking resounded with a quick rhythm.
“I know it hurts but just one more time, will you? I thought you loved watching me drip with your cum. Watching me open my legs and show you how good you’ve used me.”
Amos closed his eyes and buried his face in her small breasts for an only reply, whimpering. The sensation of his beard rubbing on her bosom paired with the sight of his rosy cheeks and black, disheveled, strands of hair sticking to his forehead was rendering her feral.
“Be a good boy and fucking look at me.” Heavenerys snarled, tugging on his leash with such a brutal movement that the tall darkness coughed, his whole body shaking like a leaf. She was determined to milk him dry.
Blood beaded from where he scratched her.
To be fair, she would get use to it. Really quickly. Hell, she was already thinking of placing a fixing on the wall to keep him chained like a good dog.
He looked up, eyes half closed and glazed. The drool that had pooled at the right corner of his lip trickled down his stubbled chin. Bolton exhaled loudly, welcoming the pain nonetheless. After all, it was her right to punish him. He had earned it a thousandfold.
“Please,” He moaned in her sinful mouth, the word barely audible for his voice cracked under the weight of his pride vanishing, “Please, my Light… Forgive me.”
She slammed her hips against his in one forceful movement before gripping his cock tighter, and this time, he burst into tears for real. Her firework-like climax washed over her at the same time for being the witness of how he became vulnerable and soiled in ways he despised — but couldn’t resist — was ecstatic.
When Heavenerys was done with him, she left the bed, long milky ropes trailing down her thighs and tits, and headed to the door with the firm intention of leaving him all alone as he deserved to be. What she didn’t expect was Amos grabbing her hand, kneeling in front of her once again despite his strained bare body that threatened to collapse at any time. The chain-leash was still dangling from his dog collar.
He looked at her through dark lashes, his breath now ragged and his voice quaking with shame, “Hurt me. Hurt me all over again if you wish but… Please,” He begged, stripped raw and broken, “Do not cast me away.”
Because no matter what he did, no matter how unyielding and terrifying he was, he’d rather die as her dog than live without her.
AU family: @justrainandcoffee @evita-shelby @cillmequick @mischievouslittlecreature @shelbydelrey @peakyswritings @darklydeliciousdesires @lunarubra @zablife (thought @elizabethblood9 would love some smut with Ben Barnes too)
*Amos is the AU version of Aleksander. Heaven is the mc in the Aleksander Morozova x reader fic Echo of Shadows
#Peaky Blinders meets GoT#Heavenerys Targaryen#Amos Bolton#GOT AU#Ben Barnes#Aleksander Morozova#the Darkling#daenerys
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The Wonder of a Fairy Tale Sun-An Analysis of Kingdom Hearts 3
If Twilight town’s main purpose in Kingdom Hearts 3 was to explore the intrinsic melancholy of Sora’s journey then the purpose of The Kingdom Of Corona would be to explore the joy of Sora’s journey and how he shares it with others.
The Kingdom of Corona focuses primarily on The Halfpint Trio helping Rapunzel live out her dream of seeing the floating lanterns as they act as her bodyguards. However Sora does far more than just protect Rapunzel on her quest. He acts as her friend and fairy tale guardian encouraging her to stop and smell the roses, to feel the joy of the world outside her.
Heavy parallels are drawn between Sora and Rapunzel with him remarking that he felt the same uncertainty and wonder as her when he first left his Islands. Both Sora and Rapunzel dreamed of seeing the outside world. And while Sora’s dream was tainted by the forces of Darkness he vows to make Rapunzel’s dream come true, fulfilling the same role as Doanld and Goofy did for him in his first adventure. He pushes Rapunzel not to run away from the darkness of the outside world but instead to face it head on, fighting alongside her against the heartless and teaching her to take her power into her own hands through the team attack Tangled Twist. Most importantly Sora encourages Rapunzel to slow down and truly experience the wonders around her. Throughout the team’s journey to the Kingdom there are several different Side quests that pop up. You play with Rapunzel in the water, blow the dandelion, watch a rainbow, save some adorable bunnies, and meet a new kind of bird. All of these quests, of course, are not necessary for the overall goal of seeing the lanterns, however that doesn't make them any less important. These detours are what brings joy to her fairy tale story.
The game even encourages the Player themselves to slow down and enjoy the level like Sora and Rapunzel. The world is littered with hidden chests and lucky emblems for them to find. The Player can go back to Rapunzel's Tower to find a chest with the rare Armor piece, Mask Rosette, which serves as a great boon for upcoming boss fights against Grim Guardians. Or they can explore the docks of the Kingdom before joining in the festival inorder to find the rare cuisine Sea Bass en Papillote+ which sports amazing stat buffs. Most importantly however, if the Player chooses to do all four of Rapunzel's side quests they are rewarded with the rare and one of the kind accessory Forest Clasp. An accessory that can only be obtained if the player manages to complete all of Rapunzel’s side quests before bringing her to the Kingdom as the item itself is ultimately symbolic of the World's philosophy, “To stop and smell the roses”. Shown best through the ability HP Walker which restores HP with every step.
In Contrast to Sora, Marluxia, and by proxy The True Organization XIII, acts as a force of stagnation and ignorance. They do not seek to understand the people of this world nor do they wish to enjoy its simple beauty. Instead Marluxia only focuses on his mission and how he can use the world to fit the Organization's Goals. He makes no effort to form connections, only using Mother Gothel as a pawn for his machinations and then discarding her once he can no longer use her. He never once ventures out to experience what this fairy tale kingdom has to offer, never joining the festival nor taking the time to watch the floating lanterns. No instead Marluxia stays in the shadows, incurious of what lies beyond him. And when he does interact with the world it is to impose his will upon it and destroy the joy of others. Marluxia wishes to return Rapunzel to her tower, to destroy her connections to the outside world and leave her a prisoner of Gothel’s greed. He does not care about what she wants, does not respect the love and happiness she found with Flynn, nor acknowledge her growth and autonomy as a person. Marluxia’s goal is to undo all the good Sora has done for Rapunzel in order to return her to what she once was, an infantilized and objectified child to be used by those that have kept her captive. In order words Marluxia wishes to transform Rapunzel into another Namine. But Marluxia fails. Rapunzel will not become another bird in a cage. The happiness and love Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Eugene Gave her is too strong to be broken, and Rapunzel's heart shows her the truth of her real family forever breaking the poisonous influence Mother Gothel had over her. Marluxia did not respect The Kingdom of Corona nor its people. He made no effort to appreciate it. So in the end the word thoroughly rejected him and his influence. Shown best as the heartless he creates from Gothel’s ugly heart, the ultimate manifestation of his and Xehanort’s will on the world, is destroyed By Sora, the one who earned the world love and trust by simply stopping to take a breather and pay his respect to those around him.
Ultimately all journey’s must come to an end and as the gang finally reaches the Kingdom Rapunzel leaves the party of good and returns all her items back to Sora. Rapunzel's absence is felt by both Sora and the Player as not only is he no longer in the party during revisits to the world but her team attack Tangled Twist is permanently lost. So that begs the question, why does Sora care so much about spreading joy to those he shares his adventures with if they are inevitably going to leave him? And the answer is simple, it is exactly because the good times are going to end that they must enjoy their time together while it lasts. Sora knew that his time spent with every new friend is Finite. That eventually he will have to say goodbye. Even Donald and Goofy will eventually leave him once they reach their journey's end. So instead of wallowing in self pity he chooses to celebrate his time together with others as best he can, forming wonderful memories with all those he meets so that when he has to say goodbye, the happy times they spent together will remain in their hearts. And we see this through Rapunzel as her final moments of Joy with Sora remain etched in her heart through the mini game, Festival Dance, which she continues to play even when Sora is gone.
#kingdom hearts#kh#sora#disney#kh sora#kh analysis#kingdom hearts 3#kh essay#my essays#PriPH Essay#tangled#rapunzel tangled#flynn rider#eugene fitzherbert#kh xehanort#kh marluxia#mother gothel#kingdom of corona#fairy tales#kh namine#donald duck#goofy
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True paradise is not in heaven but on the lips of one's beloved. (Mademoiselle de Maupin – Theóphile Gautier, 1835)
guys... i love the 1830s. i would kill to wear the 1836 dress :( so the sim modeling this decade is based loosely off of how i look! i am flying through these decades lol sorry
anyway. 1830s! you see the puffy sleeves in this era that you also associate with the 1890s, but they're much more romantic and soft in this area. as the decade goes on, the hemline falls again, and you see the skirt start to widen exponentially.
1834 deviates in this series, but that's just because i wanted to use it to honor anne lister, a.k.a 'gentleman jack', who is known often as the "first modern lesbian".
1800-1809 / 1810-1819 / 1820-1829
cc links under the cut!!
see my resources page
darcy : linzlu's fancy bonnet / the-melancholy-maiden's ringlets updo / peebsplays' 1830s riding outfit
deridre : the-melancholy-maiden's pinned curls updo / the-melancholy-maiden's 1820s-1830s hair flowers / peebsplays' 1830s tabitha day dress / acanthus-sims' rose brooch / simverses' silk flats
dionysia : buzzardly28's 1830s hair / glitterberrysims' turquoise necklace / acanthus-sims' simple fichu / peebsplays' 1830s eliza dress / simverses' silk flats
djene : cringeborg's amelia hair / elfdor june hat / makesims' revolution rosette / tzuhu's lace accessory top / vintagesimstress' 1830s ballgown / joliebean's satin tipped shoes
dmitriya : buzzardly28's anne lister hair + top hat / renorasims' lilith corset / vintagesimstress' 1890s working girl bottom (i know, i know, but it worked.) / gilded-ghosts' hartfield boots
dorcas : cringeborg's amelia hair / the-melancholy-maiden's 1820s-1830s hair flowers / glitterberrysims' saxe necklace with pearls / tzuhu's lace accessory top / moon-simmers recolor of sunlittides' simple 1830's evening dress / gilded-ghosts' hartfield boots
drusilla : the-melancholy-maiden's ringlets updo / linzlu’s birthday bonnet / sunlittides' 1830s dainty dress / simverses' silk flats
dsinara : buzzardly28's anne lister formal hair / moon-simmers recolor of vintagesimstress' 1830s mourning dress / simverses' silk flats
dulcie : buzzardly28's ann walker hair / the-melancholy-maiden's 1820s-1830s hair flowers / simverses' mistress mysterium scarf / sunlittides' plain 1830s day dress / joliebean's satin tipped shoes
dymphna : simverses' hat with plumes, bow, and roses / deathpoke1qa's nancy rosary / sunlittides' 1830s garden stroll dress
thank you to @linzlu @the-melancholy-maiden @peebsplays @acanthus-sims @simverses @buzzardly28 @glitterberrysims @cringeborg @makesims @vintagesimstress @joliebean @renorasims @gilded-ghosts @moon-simmers @sunlittides and @deathpoke1qa !!!!
#my sims#sims 4 lookbook#the sims 4 lookbook#sims 4 historical lookbook#ts4 historical lookbook#ts4 lookbook#223 years#historical#1830s#regency#into#victorian
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More than Affection
Death had a single mission in the living realm: to find a Champion worthy of bearing the Matrix of Leadership so that they may restore the proper balance of their world. He did not understand mortals, nor their emotions, despite how much he cared for them, and so was left awed and confused when his spark began to react unusually to the one he had chosen as his champion.
Based off my friend @lets-try-some-writing's fantastic AU: Death's Embrace: Part 1 and Part 2. Please read these first as they give so much context to what is going on in this AU.
Orion Pax, the Thirteenth Prime, the walker of the void between the living and the dead, the ferry of sparks to their Father's loving embrace, the manifestation of all that death was, was a wise mech in many ways, but there were so many things about the children of Primus he had yet to understand. Just when he thought he had it all figured out, that he understood the living children as well as he needed to; his chosen champion of change flipped his understanding entirely on its helm. He had missed the exact moment that Megatronus of Kaon ceased to find him unnerving, but he had not missed when his champion's affections turned to something… foreign and unidentifiable.
This new feeling that radiated from Megatronus’ very spark whenever he was near came upon him without warning one evening when he had come to the Champion with notice of an imminent raid. He had, in his usual fashion, emerged from the void in the shadows behind the champion, who had been hunched over his desk, composing what Orion assumed was his next speech. Orion had thought nothing of it when he leaned over with his palm braced upon Megatronus’s shoulder and whispered in his audial, “Prepare yourself, my Champion. The enemies of our order have come to destroy us. Their wrath knows no bounds, and carried by command, they shall have no mercy. Flee while you can champion, take your followers, for they are coming."
Megatronus had not reacted the way he had expected him to at the news. His chosen Champion was prone to act with haste and righteous fury, yet the emotions that came from his spark were unknown to the walker of the voids. Affection, he understood, and there was a strong undercurrent of that familiar emotion underneath this strange feeling that Megatronus was refusing to allow through his EMs. Another oddity, Megatronus was not one to shield others from the truths of his emotions unless it somehow benefited him to do so, and Orion could think of no benefit to obscuring any form of affection for one’s companions.
Megatronus had then asked him a question he had never asked before; “When will I see you again?”
Megatronus had acted so entirely out of character throughout the encounter that Orion almost feared something catastrophic had already happened. There had been a strange melancholy tinting that question that he could not quite interpret, but knew that it was directed towards himself. It made no sense to him why, when Megatronus’ main concern should have been to alert Soundwave of this new information and flee.
His chosen champion’s odd behaviors around him only seemed to increase from that point forward. Those who had taken heed of his warning and fled alongside the Champion had sought refuge deep in the abandoned mines of Kaon, where no light from the nearest star could reach. He had paused after he had stepped from the void. Lingering in the shadows, he observed the forlorn look upon Megatronus’ face and a strange, twisting unease in his spark that he covered with a veil of false confidence.
Glancing around all the bots collected in this shaft, Orion could not understand why. Everyone of note had been present, and even many of those Orion had yet to acquaint himself with were there. Soundwave had been at ease with the situation, and none of the others appeared to be nearly as concerned as their leader. It was… odd…
What was even odder was how Megatronus had responded to him when he finally stepped out of the shadows to stand at his side. Instead of his usual greeting, Megatronus had taken him by the wrists and examined his frame as if he were expecting him to be damaged, and only after he was satisfied that Orion was perfectly intact did that strange unease in him die down, to be replaced by such a strong wave of relief that it had stunned the walker of the void.
His chosen champion had never examined him in such a manner before, nor had he ever embraced him in the manner he had afterwards. He had been pulled flush against the champion and held tightly against his warm chassis. Megatronus had held him there until his relief shifted into that same, mysterious emotion from before, only this time, a bit more open in its presentation. Megatronus did not seek to hide nearly as much of this strange… ‘more-than-affection’ feeling from him as he had their previous encounter.
Orion did not understand any of it, but the warmth he experienced while being embraced lingered far longer than he had expected it to, and he found himself often recalling how pleasant it had felt to be enveloped in his Champion’s arms. However, Megatronus did not embrace him upon his next visit, and Orion had been disappointed in that fact, though he did not recognize his disappointment until he had returned to the void, feeling colder than normal.
The odd behaviors and feelings continued. It became quite common for the Champion of Kaon to rest his servo upon Orion’s shoulder; a gesture that Orion reciprocated eagerly, often accompanied by a gentle smile or curious tilt of his helm. Though foreign to him, the progression of his champion’s strange, shifting affections felt natural and satisfying in a way he could not describe.
It did not feel especially strange when Megatronus took his servo for the first time, one evening, as they sat together in the dark, speaking of nothing of consequence; though it was strange to him why Megatronus had been so nervous before he had done so. But his champion had eased as soon as Orion had shifted his digits, to allow them to intertwine with those of his champion. Megatronus had held his servo until Orion had felt drawn to return to the void, where he swore the warmth of Megatronus’ touch had lingered even as he ushered the latest wave of Primus’ children back to his loving embrace.
For reasons he did not entirely understand, he had found himself visiting his champion more frequently, and staying late into the recharge cycle. Some cycles, they discussed their revolution and their various plans regarding their upcoming moves. Such conversations were not especially noteworthy.
But there was one night that Orion still could not shake out of his helm; where Megatronus had looked directly into his optics and recited a piece of poetry about a captivating Archivist from Iacon, who’s optics were so enchanting that he wished he could peer into them forever and who’s derma he’s dreamed of feeling against his own. It was the most emotionally raw and vulnerable he had ever seen the champion, or anyone for that matter, at least in person, and it had left him forgetting to vent entirely until Megatronus had finished the piece. By the time he had remembered he needed to vent to appear living, something strange was churning in his own spark, bubbling up along with his already present affections in a confusing jumble of feelings he did not comprehend. He had been rendered speechless by the poem, and had resorted to reaching out to take Megatronus’ servo into his own and squeezing it tightly to show his approval.
It was not long after that, that Megatronus had begun to sense his presence, even before he materialized from the void. He was uncertain by which mechanism Megatronus employed to detect him, but it became noteworthy when he arrived one evening to find the champion and his most trusted mechs seated around a table, upon which was a map, discussing their upcoming plans. Orion heard the voice of his champion even before he had begun to materialize his frame in the shadows.
“You need to move.” Megatronus had interrupted whoever was speaking with a firm order, and the room had gone eerily silent at the sudden shift in tone.
“What? Why?” The confusion had been as evident in the mech’s voice as his disappointment had been. Clearly he had been excited to have a seat beside the Champion of Kaon.
“That seat is taken. Get up, or I’ll make you get up.” It had been that moment that Orion had stepped out of the shadows and every set of optics in the room rested upon him. He had regarded them all curiously, unsure of what exactly it was he had been sensing from them as he had silently made his way to Megatronus’ side. It had been then that Megatronus had shoved the mech beside him forcefully from his seat and offered it to Orion.
When he took the mech’s place at Megatronus’ right, his Champion saw fit to lace together their digits, and place their joined servos on the table for all to see. Orion saw no reason to withdraw, and so had simply enjoyed the warmth seeping in from his champion’s palm and the strange sensations that very warmth sent to his spark. It mattered little to him that so many stared at them in silent recognition of some unspoken declaration that only Orion seemed unaware of. Megatronus had flawlessly picked up the conversation where he had interrupted it as the mech he had removed from his side took a seat at the opposite end of the table.
Truthfully, Orion could not recall any of the specific details of that particular meeting. He had been too focused on trying to interpret the jumbled emotions welling up in his spark, that same “more-than-affection” that he sensed from his champion, though he still could not decipher the meaning of it. He knew that he found the sensations agreeable, pleasurable, even, and he knew that he wished to seek out more of this strange feeling that he could not call by name that only Megatronus seemed capable of making him feel.
When Megatronus first placed his servo upon his waist, the warmth that radiated from his touch had seeped so deeply into him that his very spark could feel its comfort; and when his champion tugged him gently against his side, Orion eagerly leaned into the warmth that spilled into him at each point their frames touched.
None of it made sense to him; the feelings, the newfound desire for warmth, the strange behaviors that had now become anticipated and comforting... He enjoyed when Megatronus touched him, though he did not know why it felt so different from the touch of any other mech. He found himself, somewhere along the way, almost craving the warmth that Megatronus provided him with his touches, and actively began seeking it out, sometimes even finding himself tucked against the champion’s side before being prompted.
Megatronus stopped attempting to hide this strange feeling with his EMs entirely after Orion had materialized at the foot of his berth late one recharge cycle after leading home the latest batch of sparks, waking the champion with just a single request on his glossa. “I wish to bask in the warmth of my champion’s embrace.”
Megatronus wordlessly invited him into his berth by lifting his arm and once Orion had climbed in beside him, he was pulled snugly to the champion's chassis, held firm, back struts flush against the champion's frame where the most wonderful warmth emanating from Megatronus seeped into him, soothing in him discomforts he had not even been aware he had felt at all. Megatronus’ mighty arm held him firmly in place, and similarly, Orion’s grip on his champion's servo, where he had intertwined their digits, only further served to anchor the two of them together.
Orion spent many recharge cycles lying in the champion’s berth, secure in a warm embrace. It gave him joors upon joors to think and attempt to dissect the strange ways that Megatronus had affected him since he had detected that shift in the champion’s emotions. Never before had he been content to simply lie in place when there were so many things he should be observing and tending to with his free time. But this new emotion in his spark grew heavy and manifested as a persistent desire that gnawed at him to return to the comfort of his champion’s side the longer he stayed away, and he had found that these periods of rest somehow eased that strange… almost pain he came to expect from separation.
And when they were together… It mattered not whether they were lying in berth or standing side by side, Orion found his artificial venting matching that of his champion’s vent for vent, and it was becoming more and more common for the entire universe to melt away in his awareness when the champion addressed him, and when Megatronus drew him close and looked into his optics his spark would pulse so strongly that he feared it would break free of the frame he had constructed around himself. He would have been frightened by the intensity of the feeling had he not been aware that his champion felt exactly the same way, and was not concerned.
For all the eons that he had walked the void, he had never felt anything remotely close to this. It was unfathomable to him. He could pick out individual aspects of this larger emotion; such as affection, anticipation, fondness, security and excitement; however these were only small facets of the massive new emotion that had taken root in his spark. When he tried to analyze them all together it simply became a too large and confusing to comprehend, especially if he attempted to factor in how not just his own behaviors had been altered so drastically due to this emotion, but his champion’s as well
He understood that Megatronus had become important to him, more so than any other who walked the living realm, but it had nothing to do with the quest he had sent his champion on and everything to do with how the champion made him feel. Like he was… wanted; like his presence was enjoyed. Something he had never cared about before.
His last encounter with Megatronus had resulted in the most tempestuous reaction in his spark yet. The bulk of the visit was relatively unnoteworthy. Mechs were packing up their camp in the mine shaft to relocate to a safe house in Tarn. Once again, Megatronus covered his anxieties with false confidence as he directed his flock and collected his own belongings. Orion assisted him in packing and when he had felt the call to return to the void, Megatronus stopped him from stepping into the shadows with a quick, desperate grasp to his wrist.
Megatronus pulled Orion gently back towards him and drew him into a tender embrace. Orion leaned into the warmth provided by his champion, his optics shuddering offline almost on instinct as he rested helm upon his shoulder, his face nuzzled into the crook of Megatronus’ neck, content to feel his claws drawing soothing circles on the plating of his lower back. He could spare a few more kliks….
He was just about to regretfully pull away from the embrace when he felt Megatronus lightly touch the side of his digit to his chin, in a gentle, unspoken, request. He allowed Megatronus to guide his helm, and when their optics met, Orion’s spark twisted in a strange anticipation at the look he was receiving. His champion looked… nervous, unsure, like he wanted to say something, but underneath it, he felt a strange yearning emanating from the him that Orion couldn’t interpret. Megatronus’ shifted his touch, from Orion’s chin to cup the side of his helm and Orion instinctively nuzzled into the warmth of his champion’s palm and let his optics fall closed as that confusing, yet pleasant jumble of emotions swirled around in his spark.
And then, without warning, time entirely stopped as he felt Megatronus’ hesitantly press together their derma. He froze stiff as that feeling in his spark suddenly detonated with what felt like the power of a super nova. It surged through him like lightning, and each gentle movement of his champion’s warm derma against his own only sent more fuel to power the fire burning in his spark. It was nearly overwhelming. He didn’t know what to do, how to respond, or what he was feeling. The only thing even remotely comparable had been the overwhelming understanding that had struck him when his purpose had become known to him. Only this… this was new, it was wonderful; exciting! He’d never felt so…. Alive. He wished it would never end.
Megatronus pulled away suddenly his field felt off, and instantly Orion felt nearly frantic as awareness snapped back into place abruptly. His servos shot up with urgency and caught the champion by his helm to keep him from retreating any further. It was too soon. He wasn’t ready for it to be over, and Megatronus was upset by something he must have done incorrectly. When Megatronus’ confusion seeped into his field atop the dejection he was trying to cover up, Orion gently guided his champion back to him, where he clumsily pressed their derma together once more.
As if he had flipped a switch, his champion surged with confidence as he crushed Orion tightly to his frame, and Orion’s spark soared. The first kiss had been a gentle, almost innocent brushing of derma, but the second… Megatronus kissed him as if he were starving; hot and passionate, with dentae and glossa. Orion did his best to keep up, tried to mimic and match Megatronus’ technique but he could barely focus over the way his champion had him entirely enveloped in his field, drowning him in the intensity of their combined sentiments. Megatronus seemed to care little that Orion was inexperienced and clumsy, merely chuckling when Orion accidentally clanged their dentae together. He simply had taken charge and kissed Orion until his processors were nearly scrambled with how fiercely it had his spark pulsing with that emotion he could not name.
When Megatronus pulled away the second time, he was venting heavily, as if he had just come from battle. He pressed the crests of their helms together gently and this time, Orion was at peace with their separation, his spark thrumming with contentment at their closeness.
“Orion… I-” But the champion cut himself off, though Orion did not know why. It caused him to tilt his helm, in curiosity, as he could tell that whatever Megatronus had wanted to say was of great importance to him. But he had simply smiled, in a melancholy sort of way as he loosened his grip, allowing Orion the space to pull away from him, if he chose to do so. and asked, in a forlorn tone, “When will I see you again?”
Orion finally understood that Megatronus must have suffered that same… almost painful sensation that he did when they were separated; the one that gnawed at him with memories of warmth and touch and that… feeling in his spark that made him ache to return to his side. He let one of his servos fall from his champion’s helm, to lace together their digits, in the manner he had grown to find comforting. “I shall return to your side once I have restored those lost and wandering to their eternal sanctum of rest.”
Megatronus’ seemed to find reassurance in his answer, and he smiled, the lazy one that Orion usually only saw when they were lying in berth, and Megatronus just a groon or so from falling into recharge. “How is it that you always know where to find me, my archivist?”
Orion had smiled at the question and tightened his grip on the champion’s servo as he spoke his response; “The void is but a veil upon which you are always visible to me, my Champion. There is nowhere in the vastness of all that exists you could hide where I could not find you.”
Orion left soon after, with another gentle kiss from his champion graced upon his derma just before the void and strengthened its call to him. Though he noted with some concern that he… did not want to. He wanted to stay with Megatronus, to convince the champion to put off his relocation efforts for just one more cycle, so that they could hold each other in berth and kiss until Megatronus was forced into recharge.
The void felt colder than it had during his last retreat, though he knew that that was an impossibility. Something had changed in him to make it feel this way. He did not know if it was something he should be concerned with or not. At its worst, it seemed a mild side effect of… what that kiss had done to him.
Orion knew, theoretically, what a kiss was, but he did not fully understand what they meant. He knew it was something mortals engaged in with those they felt a great deal of affection for, but he did not understand exactly what had changed between Megatronus and himself to suddenly warrant such an act. They had been feeling these emotions for nearly a vorn now. Something had to have changed. Right?
Somewhere along the way, a great many things had changed, including himself. He was feeling things he knew he was not programmed to feel, even if he could not name those feelings. He knew that now, suddenly, a living being was more important to him than the rest, though he still did not know why. And suddenly he found himself understanding those sparks that lingered near to those they were close to in life, for when he now came to the void, he longed for the warmth of the one he had left behind as well.
He found that this newfound understanding helped him to ease some of the Precious sparks back to Primus’ embrace with greater ease, though he was not certain what exactly he was doing differently. He sometimes wished he could seek their wisdom as he guided them along the path home, for he knew what he felt was experienced by the living, and perhaps they would be able to at lease identify for him what he was experiencing. But such a thing was not possible. The living, once passed into the void, could not speak.
He was left with more questions than answers by the time he sensed none left who needed to be guided, and he felt so much colder than he remembered being. The warmth he had soaked up from Megatronus was just a memory, and he felt that strange almost pain biting at him to return to the champion, as he had said he would, once his duties were seen to. But these questions needed to be answered. He needed to know what was happening to him, what strange, mortal influence had taken refuge in his spark.
He could not ask his brother. Alpha Trion was unlikely to understand and certain to pass judgements upon him for engaging so deeply with Primus’ children. It felt… wrong to ask Megatronus directly, even though logically he knew Megatronus would likely have the answer. He did not even know where to begin to search the archives for the information he sought.
There was one mech, however, that had made it a point to teach Orion more and more about how to appear… ‘normal’ and alive. The first mortal that had paid him any attention at all. He would go to Ratchet for the answers he sought. If anyone would be able to explain to him what this feeling was, it would be him.
#maccadam#transformers prime au#transformers#megop#megaop#orion x megatronus#spreadwardiardfics#deaths embrace au#the thirteenth prime#orion pax#megatronus#transformers prime#megatron#tfp megaop#tfp#orion pax is death and does not understand what he feels
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the zhu-vatore family, regency edition
left to right: mr vatore, mrs vatore, mrs zhu, and mr zhu
From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced. –– jane austen, pride and prejudice
CC below the cut.
mr vatore
hair: ruby
outfit: dandy coat by @anachrosims
mrs vataore
hair: 1830s hair by @the-melancholy-maiden
earrings: arthur earrings by @yakfarm
dress: emma gown by @gilded-ghosts
shoes: lydia shoes by @dancemachinetrait
mrs zhu
hair: ann walker by @buzzardly28
dress: peony gown by @rustys-cc
mr zhu
hair: lestat hair by @wistfulpoltergeist
outfit & boots: vincent's fashion set by @happylifesims
poses: jane austen poses
#i was too lazy to make a second sister#so the zhu-vatore sisters are identical twins now#vatore#sims 4 regecy#sims 4 historical#sims 4 decades#mrs zhu#mrs vatore#mr zhu#mr vatore#caleb vatore#lilith vatore#lily zhu#ts4 edit#ts4 render#deadit#zhu-vatore family
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Amygdala and the super soldier serum
I read this interesting meta about Steve's brain changes post-serum, specifically this bit:
Steve’s brain is smarter and faster, the neurons have a longer life span, the hippocampus — that’s your memory storage — is nice and healthy; whatever. But then they said that the part of Steve’s brain that increased the most in mass and synaptogenesis was the amygdala.
So I had to be a nerd and crack open a Neuroanatomy textbook. Accordingly, the amygdala forms part of the limbic system (which I've briefly talked about in another meta), one of the key parts of the brain that governs memory, emotions, and by extension, behaviour. It serves a role not only in creating and regulating emotions, but also in recognising facial and verbal cues for emotions.
Onward for super soldier angst!(?)
Neuroanatomy is still an evolving field so our understanding of amygdala function is still immature. There are multiple areas to the amygdala, but the main ones are:
Basolateral: this is the largest part of the amygdala and receives information from higher-order sensory cortical areas and the association cortex. In plain English, this area links sensory input (e.g. music, objects, etc) with particular emotions. I think this is what the original meta was describing -- a simple stimulus could be so much more intense for Steve (and presumably for other super soldiers too) because it would bring on an emotional response. The pure joy of a tasting vanilla, the melancholy of the smell of rain, the nostalgia of old music, the grief of seeing the Howlies' pictures. And because this area draws from the association cortex as well, I would presume the more he has a particular emotional response to a stimulus, the more it becomes reinforced -- so going to the museum to see Bucky and the Howlies again and again reinforces the sense of grief he associates with them...and that's what stopped him in his tracks when he saw Bucky with his mask off.
Central: this area is key in mediating an emotional response, and both receives and sends information to the autonomic system, which controls things like heart rate/blood pressure/breathing rate/"gut feelings". It plays a key role in fear conditioning. It forms a central part of the rewards pathway, meaning it often serves a role in addiction and (on the flip side) depression. It also forms part of the pain regulation pathways. This may mean Steve has a strong physiological response to stimuli he associates with threats, regardless of whether or not he can control his own emotional response, i.e. even though he is used to explosions and gunshots and he knows, rationally, he can deal with them, this area might still kicks his heart rate and blood pressure up and make him feel dread. This makes me wonder whether the same amygdala development applies to the other super soldiers. For example, the Siberian Winter Soldiers had a very heightened fight-or-flight response, and similarly with Walker. It also begs the question of whether the heightened fear and reward pathways were used for Bucky's conditioning. E.g. Bucky's look of terror when he was trapped under the beam on the Helicarrier, but after Steve freed him, he was still intent on finishing the mission, because he was conditioned to think not finishing the mission was worse than dying. A lot of headcanons also involve Bucky being given drugs of addiction by Hydra -- and while I think the neuroanatomy of addiction is still not well understood, this could mean that quitting those drugs are more difficult for super soldiers once they became dependent on them. (Also, my headcanon is that the other super soldiers get a kick out of hurting people and post-serum, that reward pathway goes into overdrive and it becomes an addictive action for them.) And also, another area that is still developing, the pain regulation pathway being affected could also mean either more or less chronic pain issues, and likely a different emotional response to pain.
Basomedial nucleus: I thought I'd throw this in here because even though it wasn't mentioned in the neuroanatomy book, it is mentioned in this article. This area is thought to have a role in motivational behaviours under the influence of sex hormones, and in combination with the olfactory (sense of smell) processing being part of the amygdala structure and this apparently being a big factor in animal sexual behaviours...make of that what you will, A/B/O fic writers!
I think most places where I've read about the amygdala points to it being a primal center for emotions, i.e. the emotions that are key to our survival, and fear being a major part of it, triggering the fight-or-flight response. I think this means -- and I think it's fairly well-backed by canon -- that super soldiers innately have a heightened response to threatening stimuli, and because most of them are skilled, enhanced and trained, they respond to threat with aggression.
What's key here is that emotional regulation is done by higher centers outside the amygdala (frontal cortex). What that means is that the person has to make a conscious, cognitive effort to override their instincts for aggression. I think it says a lot about Steve and Bucky that they do keep a handle on their emotions, despite the over-development of their amygdala -- I think it also is in keeping with headcanons about Steve secretly having a huge anxiety problem under his stoic demeanour. We never see Steve lashing out, and the only time we see Bucky lashing out was when he got flashbacks to his arm being amputated. In a way...it's even more amazing that Bucky is as placid as he is, because despite having his memories wiped and therefore being only able to depend on primal emotions to guide him, he still has enough cognitive control to control his fears.
I also wanted to briefly address the "bleeding heart" part of the original meta (which was kinda what prompted this dive down the rabbit hole). As mentioned above, amygdala deals with primal emotions like joy and fear and anger, while some of the other "emotions" listed in the meta - sympathy and guilt and sense of duty and altruism - they are high level cognitions. I am inclined to think that Steve's empathy didn't change after the serum -- he just remained the same empathetic person he always was (although he might feel the emotions more keenly), which helped him be a better super soldier than the Winter Soldiers and Walker, and probably helped him keep a handle on the instinctive aggression.
Lastly, I just wanted to touch on grief. The neuroanatomy of grief is complex, and involves many different networks of emotions, autonomic responses, memory, and sensory processing. This study is interesting in that it identifies that increased functional connections in the amygdala is associated with a more protracted grief response and development of depressive symptoms. So yes...it is quite possible that Steve's more developed amygdala (and Bucky's too, but we shan't talk about The Movie that Does Not Exist) means he feels sadness more intensely, for longer, and the abnormal reward pathways might send him down a depressive or self-destructive spiral where his perceived reward is by doing something self-sacrificing.
One last thing (I promise this is final) the amygdala is also involved in REM sleep, aka dreaming. Theories are varied, but there is thought that being the fear/stress centre, the amygdala likely has a major role in generating nightmares.
Now put that together with two super soldiers living with PTSD and one canonically waking up from a nightmare...
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Pas de Trois: Part One
Pairing: Reader x Noah, eventual Reader x Nicholas
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: None! (Yet)
I was just thinking, like: Swans, right? But Noah and Nicholas. No beta we die like Odette and Siegfried!
It was as cold in the beginning as it was in the end.
You could pretend all you wanted- that the embrace of a not-quite lover could warm you enough to stay alive. But you both knew better by now.
It starts the way it ends: at a pond.
You need a breather from your mother and her love schemes. Something about a party at the Van der Whatever’s condo on the east side, the unwed men rumored to be in attendance.
All those years of safeguarding your virginity like a crown jewel, only to be whored out to the first eligible bachelor the second you turned 23 and expressed no interest in marriage.
You roll your eyes at the thought of it; the idea of preserving your chastity whilst being surrounded by the scum of the earth in Bottega stilettos. It feels like you rub elbows with literal vampires most days: creatures that linger in the shadows, waiting to drain you of whatever they needed from you in that moment.
At least Bela Lugosi never asked you about why you decided against Yale after your father’s hefty (and unrequested) donation.
The air is crisp, biting at your cheeks as you walk. You wander into a familiar park near your apartment, the street lamps illuminating the freshly fallen snow in a gentle glow. All around you, trees creak and groan in the wind, as if they, too, were ready for spring again. It isn’t so secluded that you felt any real danger, but it was far enough away from the sounds of traffic to give your mind space to wander.
Faintly, you hear the sounds of people milling about on the street. There’s a theatre up the road- they’ve been hosting a ballet company performing The Nutcracker for the last month or so. Looking through the gaps in the bushes, you can spot a few people dressed in rich velvets and fur coats taking photos under the gleam of marquee lights. You haven’t gone to see The Nutcracker for years now. Your mother stopped taking you when you confessed that you did not have the talent- nor endurance- to be a real ballerina, the same time that she unenrolled you from dance classes altogether.
Humming Tchaikovsky's Pas de Deux to yourself, you meander through the park until you come upon a pond. A treasure in your heart, it’s a spot you come to often to clear your head- though this is your first nighttime foray.
Longer than it was wide, the pond was not the most impressive in the city by a longshot. Most people didn’t even know of its existence, save the few dog-walkers who came through in the mid-morning and late afternoon. It was familiar, though, having been situated here as far back as your memory could recall.
Winter crept over the small body of water in sheets of ice at the outer perimeter. If the temperature continued to drop (it would) the entire thing would be frozen solid by next week. As it was, the ice at the edges looked thick enough to hold up an entire person.
You fight back the melancholy this brings you, knowing the incoming freeze would take with it the many creatures that inhabit the pond. The ducks have long since left, flying somewhere further south, somewhere warmer. The fish have been awfully quiet the last few weeks as well, settling in for their winter rest. That really just left the-
Ah, You think, sounding hushed even in your head. There you are.
They glide in silently, slicing through the water like moonlight. Long, graceful necks with great plumes puffing up behind them, the swans are pure magic in the stillness of the night. They make a triangle in the water, with four smaller fowl following the swan at the crest of the formation. Its dark eyes meet yours for a moment, and you feel so utterly vulnerable under its gaze that you look away, suddenly very interested in your shoes.
Must you be intimidated by everything? You sigh to yourself internally. Seriously, a fucking bird?
You felt silly as you built the courage to finally look back up, but the bevy had disappeared. Craning your neck around, you were halfway to considering searching for them on foot when a branch cracked behind you.
Whirling around, your eyes scanned the tree line, pulling the mace on your keychain out with shaking hands. The neighborhood was safe, sure, but you weren’t stupid. A girl alone in a park well after the sun had set? Yeah, you’d seen the crime shows- no thanks.
“Hello?” You call, your voice wobbling despite your best efforts.
Another crack.
Your mace was up in an instant, poised and ready to fire. You are not a damsel in distress, you are certainly not going to be a statistic. As your heart pounded in your throat, a figure came into view.
“Ew, there’s bird shit everywhere- Woah!” The stranger stumbled backwards, hands up in the air as he saw you. “Oh my god, please don’t tase me-“
“It’s not a taser.” Was, for some reason, your first response. Then, “Who are you? What are you doing lurking around in the dark?”
His eyes went wide. “It’s a public park! I’m going for a walk!”
Your eyes narrow, the hand wielding the mace never moving. “A walk? At 9:45 at night?”
Impossibly, his eyes grew wider. They were dark- familiar in a way you couldn’t fully place in your panicked state. The snow reflects off of them, reminiscent of starlight. “You are also in the park at 9:45? And you’re armed?”
Well, that was certainly a valid observation. You take two deep breaths, then lower the mace, though not pocketing it entirely. You spend a moment observing his appearance.
He was tall- tall enough to be threatening, if he wanted to. Slim build, dark eyes, like you’d noted before. His hair was parted down the middle, brushing against the top of his cheekbones softly. He’s handsome, you think. Not the overly-manicured handsome you were accustomed to, though. He reminded you of the first dandelions in the spring; The delight you feel at seeing a living thing burst forth from the frozen ground, uncaring of if it's a weed or not.
A huge sweater encompassed him, something light in color and soft-looking. The sleeves poked out of the arm holes of his jacket in a strange way, as if it took a great deal of work to stuff them in there in the first place. A hat topped it all off, giant pom-pom bobbing at you in a way that was far from menacing.
“That’s a weird hat to wear while you creep on people in the park.” You quip, cocking an eyebrow at him.
His mouth drops open in shock. “My grandmother made me this, fuck you very much. And it’s winter! Of course I’m wearing a hat. Are you always this bad with logic and reason?”
“So you don’t deny creeping?” You ignored his question.
The face he gives you would have been comical under different circumstances. “Wha- Okay, look, I’m sorry for encroaching on your turf- even if that turf is city property-“ he mumbles the last bit to himself- “But I’m not like, a serial-killer-murderer. Pinky promise.”
He looks so earnest, it reminds you of a little kid. He is holding out a single pinky to you, a safe distance away.
You eye him warily for a second, then sigh, taking a few steps forward to interlock your pinky with his. He beams at you, smile as bright as the snow that began to silently fall around the two of you.
You introduce yourself, shifting on your feet in a way that feels awkward and uncomfortable, like you were suddenly too aware of your body’s movements.
“I’m Noah.” He offers warmly, cheeks and nose tinged a rosy pink from the winter air. The longer you look at him, the less intimidated you feel. He was still large- but in the way that the inflatable noodle-people outside of used car dealerships were large. He didn’t flail, necessarily, though. His movements seemed fluid, controlled. Where you were rigid from years of posturing amongst socialites, he was naturally elegant, as at ease under your gaze as the swans in the pond earlier.
Soft, your mind supplies. He looks soft.
His voice is gentle when he speaks again. “So, what brought you to the park in the middle of a blizzard?”
You try to resist the grin that creeps across your face; you fail miserably. “If you think this is a blizzard, you’re in for a shock come February.”
“Do you defer every question someone asks you, or am I just special?” His dark eyes are trained on you, head cocked to the side curiously. It wasn’t an attack- his expression was too open to be on the offense. He was genuinely waiting for your answer.
“I needed to get away from my mother.” You answer honestly, shrugging, though not meeting his gaze.
You can feel his eyes on you, though, searching for more. “You got into an argument?”
Shaking your head, you cast your eyes back to the pond, hoping to get another glimpse of the swans. “Not an argument. We have the same discussion every week, knowing fully well that we’ll disagree and end up screaming at each other.”
You have not felt… seen, like this, ever. You aren’t an adamant rule-follower, but you’re far from a rebel, too, allowing you to safely pass through life unnoticed. Even your mother only really seemed to remember you after your older sister had been married off to some fishing industry tycoon. To have a stranger see through your facade was unnerving.
“Disagreeing and screaming sounds like an argument to me.” He pushes, to which you hum noncommittally. Sensing your apprehension, he follows your line of sight to the pond instead. “The ducks left weeks ago.”
“I’m not looking for the ducks.” You answer shortly, perhaps a bit too harsh.
“Oh?” Is his only response.
It’s obvious he wants you to continue. This was a safer topic than your mother, so you yield to his piqued interest. “I like watching the swans. They were here earlier, but I think you scared them off.” Your eyes slide over to him slyly.
He scoffs, looking insulted. “The swans probably left because they were scared you’d mace them.”
You whirl on him, poking a finger into his chest. “The swans don’t lurk in the bushes at the park like a weirdo.”
His expression is unimpressed, but there’s a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “No one was lurking. Besides,” He grabs the finger directed at him gently, guiding it down to your side. “You don’t make a good damsel in distress. Anyone trying to steal you would just bring you back when they figured out how mean you are.”
“I’ve been nothing but cordial.” You sniff, brows furrowing at him.
His smirk is a little overwhelming. “If this is you on your “Nice” setting, I’d hate to see you pissed off.”
“Stop pushing your luck, then.” You respond dryly. He throws his head back to laugh, and the sound makes you feel warmer in your coat.
You turn back to the pond, giving up on seeing the swans again tonight. You probably need to head home, anyways- you were expected at this stupid party, and suffering through it would be better than dealing with your mother’s nagging if you were absent. You let out a soft sigh, resigned to your fate.
“I should go.” You say to no one in particular.
You feel Noah’s eyes on you again. “Hey, don’t let me run you off. I can go if I’m bothering you-”
You shake your head, body turning to face him before you realize you’re moving. “No, it’s not you- really.” You offer what you hope is a kind smile. “I’m expected somewhere. My mother will be horribly cross with me if I’m not there.”
He’s giving you an understanding smile, eyes crinkling up at the edges. “Sounds like a real rager. Will I, uh-” He glances down at his shoes, kicking at the snow before continuing, “Will I get to see you again?”
The question genuinely startles you. You assumed your demeanor (and mace) would be off-putting enough for him to be quite happy not speaking to you from this moment forward, but he… wanted to see you again?
“I mean,” You stammer, unable to find your words, “I’ll be around. At the park. If you’re also around.”
When he looks up, his face is alight. “Okay, yeah. I’ll also be around. Near the swans.”
A grin sneaks its way onto your face, unbeknownst to you. “Yeah, near the swans.” You avert your gaze, needing to look anywhere but at his hopeful expression. “See ya, Noah.”
He calls out a goodbye, but you’ve already scurried past him, the heels of your boots clicking rapidly against the sidewalk as you make your escape. You don’t dare glance back.
Your home is a few minutes away, shorter than usual given the fact that you’re practically jogging through the winter night. By the time you’ve shut your front door behind you, you’re out of breath, chest rising and falling heavily.
Your mother appears from the kitchen, her usual expression of passive annoyance plastered on her face. She calls your name, as if she needs to get your attention when you’re the only two people in the room. “Where have you been? It’s been snowing for half an hour, you’re going to catch a cold. And your boots are covered in mud- for heaven’s sake, really, we need to leave soon. Why are you grinning like that?”
You don’t register the smile on your face, still panting. Schooling your features into neutrality, you mutter out a quick, “I’m going to change clothes, be down in a sec.”
She’s ranting about punctuality and manners, but you barely hear it as you run up the stairs, grin overcoming your features once more as you think about dark eyes and soft smiles.
#bad omens fic#bad omens fanfiction#bad omens fanfic#bad omens x reader#bad omens smut#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian fanfic#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian smut#cowpokeomens
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The foxes as types of clown because I’m a freak and obsessed with clowns
❗️there is pictures of clowns on this post❗️
Neil Josten- Tramp clown!
The Tramp clown was inspired by homeless people late in the nineteenth century.
(The clown in this photo is Emmett Kelly)
Andrew Minyard- Mime clown!
Some clowns combine the art of mime with clowning.
(This clown is Marcel Marceau)
Aaron Minyard- Pierrot clown!
The embodiment of a certain strain of artistic sentiment: sensitive, melancholy, and intrinsically alone, playful and daring through the subversion of language while suggesting the fraught and facile nature of gender.
(This is Jean-Charles Deburau I think)
Kevin Day- Costume Clown!
a specific character ( such as a fireman, police officer, etc.).
(This clown is Frankie Saluto)
Nicky Hemmick- Auguste clown!
During most of the twentieth century, the Auguste clown was a stupid and clumsy character.
(This clown is Lou Jacobs)
Renee Walker- would also be either a mime or Pierrot!
Allison Reynolds- a Jester?? I don’t really know actually
A member of the household of a nobleman or a monarch employed to entertain guests during the royal court.
(Stańczyk is a painting by Jan Matejko finished in 1862.)
Matt Boyd- Also an Auguste clown!
Dan Wilds- Whiteface clown!
The Whiteface is the big brother of the clowning world: in charge, a know-it-all, a straight man setting up the situations that other clowns, like the Auguste or the Tramp, turn funny.
(This clown is named Francesco Caroli)
Seth Gordan- Creepy Clown!
The evil clown archetype plays strongly off the sense of dislike it caused to inherit elements of coulrophobia; however, it has been suggested by Joseph Durwin that the concept of evil clowns has an independent position in popular culture,
(Just think of pennywise or something LMAO)
#I might have gotten some of the names wrong#I love clowns so much#one time I cried because I was so happy about clowns and circuses#LMFAO#again most of these don’t really have a reason I just feel it in my dome#YES I REUSED THE SAME PHOTOS GO AWAY#all for the game#aftg#aaron minyard#andrew minyard#renee walker#neil josten#allison reynolds#dan wilds#matt boyd#seth gordon#kevin day#nicky hemmick
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The Friendship of Philip ii and Ruy Gomez
On the birth of Philip II at Valladolid, the mother of Ruy Gomez, Doña Beatrice de Silva was appointed nurse to the new born prince; while her son was nominated chief page in waiting to the infant heir. He continued afterwards to study with Philip under the same preceptors; and together they acquired the chivalrous accomplishments of the age. Philip showed the greatest fondness for his young companion, and upon all occasions demonstrated this preference. One day, Ruy Gomez was quarrelling with another page, when Philip as usual, interposed, on behalf of the former. During the heat of the dispute, Gomez aimed a blow at his opponent, which accidentally fell on the head of the prince and knocked him down. The delinquent was immediately arrested, and condemned to death according to the laws of the realm, by the emperor Charles V. Philip was no sooner informed of this sentence then he fell into violent paroxysms of rage and grief. He absolutely rejected the remedies prescribed for his bruise by the physicians; and insisted upon being admitted to intercede for his friend before his imperial father. The sentence pronounced upon Ruy Gomez was in consequence commuted into perpetual banishment from court; and his father received commands to send his son back to Portugal, accompanied by the intimation, that if Gomez was again seen within the Spanish frontier, the original sentence would be enforced. Philip sullenly acquiesced in this decree; but from thenceforth nothing seemed to give him pleasure or gratification. The prince refused to study, or to join in the pastime of his youthful companions. He wept incessantly at his separation from his earliest friend; and so alarming became his melancholy, that the empress, at length, united her intercession with that of her son, and prayed Charles to recall the exile to court.
Elizabeth De Valois: Queen of Spain, and The Court of Philip ii by Martha Walker Freer. Page 145-146
#philip ii of spain#philip ii#ruy gomez#history#Spanish histoey#Felipe ii#felipe ii de espana#Charles V#emperor charles v#Isabella of Portugal#isabel de portugal#I bolder the part about Philip getting hit by a dagger because I feel like we all just forget about that#this guy tried to make every part of his life into an opera
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"-- you have too good a mind to throw away. I don't quite know what we're doing on this insignificant cinder spinning away in a dark corner of the universe. That is a secret which the high gods have not confided in me. Yet one thing I believe and I believe it with every fiber of my being. A man must live by his lights and do what little he can and do it as best he can. In this world goodness is destined to be defeated. But a man must go down fighting. That is the victory. To do anything less is to be less than a man."
Walker Percy, The Moviegoer (1961) | Part 1, Chapter 5. Aunt Emily to Binx.
#walker percy#american literature#southern literature#western literature#dignity#struggle#life#fiction#melancholy#death
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Rose City Band — Sol Y Sombra (Thrill Jockey)
Rose City Band albums typically arrive at the onset of summer, the first humid, budding, insect humming weeks of May for instance, where their indolent strumming and wistful melodies overlay the early days of summer with a sonic haze. This one comes in the dead of winter, still sunny, still breezy but with a frisson of chilliness somewhere in the mix.
The band, as always, is led by Ripley Johnson, the main proprietor of trance-drone primitive Wooden Shjips and airy psychedelic Moon Duo. He lays down the 1970s country rock foundation with a steady guitar pulse and drifting cirrus clouds of vocals. The cosmic part comes, in large measure, from pedal steel-ist Barry Walker, whose eerie, note-bending slides arc out over simple melodies, giving them a spiritual edge. John Jeffrey keeps the band grounded with rock steady, but unshowy rhythms, while Paul Hasenberg plays keyboards and Sanae Yamada (also of Moon Duo) sings soft, inviting vocal counterparts.
The band hits an effortless stride early on in “Radio Song,” with its luminous tangles of guitar sound, its billowy unhurried tunefulness, its ease. You could drive for days with a song like this on repeat, windows down and the miles blowing by, in no particular hurry for the destination. So far, prime Rose City Band, a good thing in itself.
Still there’s a ruminative melancholy in the slow, acoustic “Sunlight Days,” a song that aches and yearns and remembers what’s gone by. Walker’s pedal steel solo here is especially effective, winding and uncurling like cream poured into coffee as it swirls into the mix. The instrumental “La Mesa” is more urbane and less down home, grooving in a chilly, subdued funk manner, twinkling electronics scattered over, as in the last Moon Duo album.
Rose City Band brings a little bit of summer into the year’s shortest days, but you feel it indirectly, through memory and reminiscence and nostalgia for other summers long gone. Sure, you could put the whole record on and drift off in a hammock, even now, with ice on the ground and a sharp wind blowing, but there’s a shadow falling on this sun. You might want a blanket.
Jennifer Kelly
#rose city band#sol y sombra#thrill jockey#albumreview#dusted magazine#jennifer kelly#wooden shjips#moon duo#ripley johnson#cosmic country
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Happiness at the end of the world
Chapter 3 of ?
Daryl Dixon x OFC
Warnings: 18+ MDNI; this is really different than anything I have ever shared on Tumblr before - it's fluffy and has lots of feelings and quite a few warnings; Smut, Not Canon Compliant, PTSD, mentions of past SA, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Demisexual Daryl Dixon, p in v sex, ultra-Light Dom/sub
Summary a/n: I'm terrible at summaries, it's just more fluffy smutty stuff like chapter 2. No beta. 4.5k words.
Kristina scrubbed her eyes with her fists and squinted at the sun light. They had fallen asleep, possibly overslept. Thankfully neither of them had a run planned. Daryl might have work detail, she wasn’t sure, but she had the day off. He would probably need to take Dog out soon. She yawned as silently as she could manage, not wanting to wake Daryl yet. She was surprised to find she had fallen asleep naked. He was still wearing his jeans. He was barely snoring but the soft sound made her smile. She snuggled in close to his side. One of his arms was flung above his head, the other draped across his chest. She put her head close to his arm pit, indulging in the guilty pleasure of how wonderful he smelled, embarrassed even though only she knew. She thought she might not care if he did know, he would probably like that she liked it. She curled next to him, took a deep breath, and slipped her hand under his on his chest.
He stirred just a bit, one eye opening to assess the interruption, then he swept his arm down and crushed her into his side. She smiled against his skin. The illusion of being small with him would never get old. She let her mind wander and relished being here, in the moment, no urgency. She savored it. Her thoughts drifted through the sleepy fog of memories from the previous night. She was more satisfied than she had been in years. She watched his stomach as he breathed, the sunlight from the window highlighting a few scars and fine blond hairs. It took all of her willpower to resist the impulse to touch them, move her palm over and down his stomach. The waist of his jeans was low on his hips, revealing the darker hair just below his bellybutton. Of course she noticed the bulge in his jeans. Her mouth watered. She suspected it wasn’t a particularly comfortable way to sleep.
Her lazy thoughts drifted through things she would like to do with him, to him, back to their present arrangement, and then to coffee. It was a luxury she had long ago learned to live without but this morning felt so normal, so like before, that she could almost smell the dark roast in the French press. An impromptu fantasy formulated in her mind’s eye of a world without walkers, Daryl in her bed in her last apartment. Laying with him on a Saturday maybe, windows open to let in the cool spring morning air. The smell of him, coffee, clean sheets, and the anticipation of toothpaste combined into a snapshot that made her a little melancholy. She let the thought of toothpaste guide her back to the present and wondered if he had any. He probably did, he had the basics most of the time.
She wriggled from under his arm. When she started walking to the bathroom she was very aware of her nakedness but didn’t cover up, just in case he was awake enough to watch her. She smiled to herself as she searched the bathroom sink and medicine cabinet for toothpaste. Fuck yes, she thought, as she picked up a flat, rolled up, tiny tube of the stuff. She never knew she would love it, miss it, so much. With just the tiniest spot of it on her finger she scrubbed at her teeth. Her toothbrush was at her place. She took her time, it was a lovely feeling, then sipped some water from the faucet and rinsed. She breathed into her palm, sniffed, and was satisfied that most of the morning breath was gone.
Daryl had at least one eye on her as she stepped out of the bathroom. He tried to play possum but she saw his eyelids flutter. She leaned against the door frame. If he was pretending then he would be curious when he didn’t hear the expected footsteps approach or feel the dip in the mattress as she got back in bed. Ha! There it was again.
“Playin’ possum, huh?” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“Huh?” he opened his eyes slowly but his lips made a tight line as he suppressed a smile.
“Yeah that’s what I thought,” she walked toward the bed. She tossed the toothpaste at him. “I’ll pay you back what I used and find some more on my next run. That shit needs to be a priority unless some hippie around here can make us some from tree bark and dandelions or some shit.”
He scoff-laughed and picked up the tube from the bed. She knew him pretty well, knew he wouldn’t care if he had water or not. In a pinch just the paste would do and she didn’t want him out of bed just yet. She stood at the side of the bed as he pushed his toothpaste around his mouth. No one ever looked dignified “brushing” their teeth with their finger. She waited until he was done and held out her hand for the tube.
“Wha?” he asked.
“Gimme and I’ll take it back to the bathroom,” she answered, making a grabbing motion with her hand.
“Nah,” he said, tossing the tube on the floor. “Com’ere.”
She blushed while she hesitated. She had wanted his attention, that’s why she hadn’t put on clothes. However, Daryl’s attention was intense, she kept forgetting that.
He put his hand out to her but he remained laying down. She gingerly stepped onto the mattress, using his hand for balance. She was unsure where he wanted her so she stood, one foot on either side of his hips. She felt a bit like an Amazon and didn’t hate it. He slid his hand out of hers, letting each finger trail down hers. His eyes moved slowly over her. Just before she was about to sit down or run or sink into a hole in the floor, he sat up and slid his hands up both legs from her ankles, over her calves, and cupped her ass. Their communication was simple, silent queues, pressure with fingertips, glances with eyes. She loved it. Some combination of his signs instructed her to kneel, straddling him. She did.
She shivered. It wasn’t a cold morning at all but she felt like all the heat in the room was now only where their skin touched. His grip on her ass never faltered. This helped her get to her knees gracefully instead of the careless, unsexy way she probably would have done on her own. He also wouldn’t let her sit back on her heels. As much as he was learning her, she was learning him and she had not moved her hands from her sides since he let her hand go. She was looking at him, shivering a little, and struggling to think of anything other than her bare pussy spread open exactly how he wanted it. She blushed a deeper shade of pink.
“Mornin’,” he said. Before she could reply he moved both hands in tandem to cup her ass cheeks. She bit her bottom lip. Then his fingers began to move between her thighs. One hand held her thigh from behind, the other found her pussy.
“Ya get wet real fast, huh?” he grinned. She nodded, lower lip still pinched between her teeth.
“How come?” he asked.
“Uh, you, uh,” she mumbled and gulped and remembered she actually knew words. “You make me wet. Thinking about you, looking at you, smelling you…” She trailed off. His eyes had flashed a little at the last one.
“Mmmmhm,” he responded. Then he started to move his fingers. The sensation of being played with from behind while looking at him made her knees weak and her mouth dry.
He pulled her legs toward him, for better reach, but she lost her balance a bit and steadied herself with her hands on his shoulders. She was now straddling his lap, her stomach almost pressed against his. He looked at her and slowly shook his head. As soon as she understood she dropped her hands from his shoulders and made an apologetic face. His face was unreadable.
Then his fingers parted her lips and pressed against her clit. He stroked back the full length and then forward again, stopping to dip into her and then out quickly to circle her clit. He repeated the motion. God she was dripping wet. His hands were rough and felt amazing on her sensitive skin, on her swollen clit. She had never been stroked in quite this way before and found herself once again admiring his instincts.
“Oh Daryl,” she moaned. “Oh shit you feel so good.”
“Yeah, ya like that,” he growled. “Ya want me to make you come?”
“Fuck, please,” she begged. She had started to sway with his rhythm and her back arched to push her hips closer to him.
“Nah,” he said as he pulled his fingers out. Her eyes flew open at the sudden loss of stimulation. Before she could protest she watched him lick his fingers, tasting her, and she moaned.
His other hand still held her in place. Her breasts were nearly level with his mouth and he leaned forward sucking a nipple into his mouth. She squirmed and his grip on her thigh tightened. He placed his other hand on her side, high up on her ribs, and pulled her chest closer. She felt off-balance and unsteady. Every sensation from his mouth and hands on her tugged at her cunt with electric strings.
“Daryl, please,” she moaned.
“Please what?” he immediately put his mouth back on her nipple.
“Can I please touch you?” she whispered. She wasn’t afraid to ask but was unsure of the answer.
An mmhmm vibrated from his mouth through her nipple and straight to her clit. Her hands flew to his hair and grabbed fistfuls. Her hands roamed everywhere without thought. She caressed his neck and shoulders, his chest, arms, anything she could reach while remaining upright. She kept her eyes closed and made a mental map of him. He had given both nipples attention as well as the sensitive skin under her breasts. The sensory overload forced unintentional sounds from her.
He hands rested on his upper arms. She couldn’t get enough of his biceps flexing under her fingertips. She didn’t grip to steady herself, she didn’t need to.
His mouth moved away from her and his hands began to slide to her hips, his thumbs pressed hard in the hollow of her hip bones. He understood how much she enjoyed that almost immediately the night before. He gently pulled down on her hips so that she was sitting on his lap. Her knees ached but she cared with only a small sliver of her mind. His dick was so hard that she gasped when her pussy came to rest on the zipper of his jeans.
Kristina took advantage of the permission to touch him and slid her hands to the back of his neck. She held his gaze while she moved close enough to kiss him but stopped just out of reach. He leaned in to meet her lips and she pulled back, teasing, grinning a little. She enjoyed having his lips just out of reach, sharing his air, watching his expression change from control to something like pursuit. She darted out her tongue and licked his bottom lip. He was faster than her. He pressed his lips against hers and tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth. She moaned into his mouth as he released it. She wanted to learn every way he liked to be kissed, felt she could do that all day. She moaned again when he forced her mouth open with his tongue. He responded to her moans by gripping her hips and adjusting his.
His jeans were rough and delightful against her. She was almost sure they were soaked by now. She was aching and couldn’t imagine how he must feel. She wanted to make him feel everything, help him experience everything, she was impatient. As they kissed she moved her hands from his neck to his chest. She ran her fingers through the rough hair and avoided the scars she could remember with her eyes closed. She was learning as quickly as she could but sometimes part of learning was testing. She let her fingertips graze his nipple, her nails tracing the muscles of his pecs, and returned to his nipple. Each time she did, he moaned and slightly rolled his hips.
She didn’t want to be made to choose but this new information was intriguing so she pulled back from their kiss. She placed small, delicate kisses up the line of his jaw to his ear, and breathed hotly next to it. She increased the pressure of her fingers as she passed over his nipple again. Slowly, she told herself, don’t rush. She circled her other arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. There was almost no space between them She loved this closeness. She got a bit braver and made gentle circles around his nipple. His short, quick breathes guided her. His head was in the curve of her neck and he was lazily sucking and kissing her neck and collarbone. She hummed, licked his earlobe, rolled her hips, and almost pinched at his nipple.
This was too much. Daryl grabbed her by the waist, moved her off his lap, and almost pushed her onto her back. He was hovering over her before her surprise had subsided. She giggled. She squirmed a bit, wiggling her hips and him, taunting him. Her giggles turned into quiet laughter at the look on his face. God it was endearing. It was a comical mix of delight and annoyance but with a trace of something like fear.
He began to smother her chest and stomach and hips with greedy, kisses, sucking and nibbling at times. Her laughter transformed into panting and moaning as he slipped a thigh between her legs. He ground the coarse denim against her as he kept kissing. When she felt his teeth she arched her back toward him, forcing her hips against his thigh. He groped and searched for her wrists while his kissing slowed. He brought them together in one hand and pinned them above her head. He raised up to do this and was looking down at her, hunger and need in his blue eyes.
Kristina defied him and raised her head to kiss his chest, reach her mouth almost a nipple. He pressed harder on her wrists, not painfully, and she dropped her head back on the pillow. She bit her lower lip in a challenge. He made a point to push his leg against her cunt as he moved off the bed. She knew better than to lower her arms. She had no idea what he was doing until he walked back into the room with one of his bandanas. He got back on the bed, straddling her. The cloth smelled of motorcycles and Daryl and earth as he wrapped it around her wrists. After he tied the knot he tugged on it and her arms moved but her wrists stayed together.
He looked at her. Just looked. She tried to make her face unreadable but the more she tried the hotter the blush felt. He got up from the mattress again. He assessed the scene and tapped the inside of one of her ankles. He was gentle but knew what he wanted. She spread her legs.
He nodded once, satisfied, and the rested a hand on the fly of his jeans. He held her gaze to ensure she was watching. He was insecure about almost everything about himself except his abilities to track and hunt. Only a day ago what he was doing now only existed in his imagination, nothing he could actually do. Kristina looked at him the way he looked at her. He wasn’t comfortable in his skin, might never be, but that seemed okay when he was with her. She didn’t expect him to be. Not that he thought she preferred he be some beat up mess but that it didn’t really matter to her or if it did at all it only made her enjoy him more. He always overthought, analyzed, tried to anticipate what would happen next. A survival skill he developed to dodge words and fists and pain. Last night he had moments when his brain took a break from the extra work, when his world was nothing but being wrapped up in her. He could do that as long as she would let him.
So with her he did things that scared him at first or made himself feel a little unhinged. He was sure her psychology shit had words for all that. The words didn’t matter to him. He just wanted to keep returning to that edge and finding out that he could go past it. And that he had someone who stood on the other side with her hand out, helping him. He rarely felt brave, he did what was necessary, but there was a small flicker of bravery when he pushed past the fear.
He watched as her eyes did what he wanted and followed his hand to his jeans. He cupped the bulge, pressed the zipper a little too hard against his dick, but the slight pain helped him focus. Once his jeans were unzipped his narrow hips couldn’t hold them up. He let them fall to the floor and stepped out of them. She licked her lips. He liked that a lot. He enjoyed being able to watch her shallow breathing in the sway of her breasts, how her belly rose and fell, close to panting.
He wrapped his hand around his dick and stroked, long, lazy strokes. Her eyes followed. He swiped the precum off the tip and she licked her lips again. Oh yeah? he thought. He leaned over the mattress and painted her bottom lip with it. Her eyes nearly closed as she slid her tongue out to taste it. Watching her enjoy that tugged at the base of his dick and he groaned through gritted teeth. He knelt down next to her, hand back on his aching dick, and licked at her nipples, her belly button, kissed her carefully above her pussy. He breathed in her smell. He wanted his mouth on her, to taste her, feel her with his tongue, almost as much as he wanted to fuck her. He had already moved his mouth away though. The very fucking last thing he ever wanted was to make her uncomfortable. He kissed her ribs, her arm pit, mostly to watch her squirm but also to learn all of her smells, kissed her elbow, and her curled fingers.
Her eyes narrowed as she watched him sit down beside her. He reached over and helped her sit up, her bound wrists making that action particularly difficult. Then he guided her over him while he lay back. She let herself be led. He positioned her straddling him, she was so easy to move like this, compliant, willing, but, most of all, enthusiastic about letting him take control. She sucked in a small gasp of air when he had her where he wanted. Her pussy rested on his lower stomach and his dick was hard against her ass.
He slid his hands in tandem over the insides of her thighs, let his thumbs brush her swollen lips, press into her hips, and continued up her sides, along her ribs, and then pulled her down onto him. Her arms relaxed with her wrists on the pillow just above his head. She felt almost weightless. The only part of her not supported by him were her knees. When he breathed she felt herself lifted with him, her breasts pressed hard into his chest. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips as he moved his hands to her ass. She liked being able to figure him out and not be too many steps behind. He wanted her to get used to letting him hold her up, feel safe.
Daryl kissed her cheek, her neck, her arm beside his head, and started to lift her ass. For a moment he knew it would be awkward and difficult for her but he had her. Having her lay on top of him was a wonderful feeling. For a brief flash he wished he could communicate that to her in words but then he focused on where his hands were. He had to strain just a little to reach behind her. He guided the tip of his dick into her hot, wet pussy, taking his time to brush against her clit before fully sliding in. Then he slowly pressed her hips down with his hands. She didn’t make a sound, she only breathed, her head tucked between them. Her breath was warm and almost damp on his chest.
He groaned enough for both of them. He adjusted his hips for a better angle and they both hitched in breaths. He didn’t know quite where to put his hands so he placed one on her lower back. When he brought his hips up he could keep her steady with that hand. She made a soft purring sound when he did that. He pulled out a little and slid back in, repeated, just to hear that sound again. His other hand searched her body as he rolled his hips. He wasn’t fucking her yet. He wanted to go slow as long as he could. When his fingers grazed the fold of her hip she twitched away from his hand but pressed her hips into his. He touched the side of her belly, she was so soft that he sighed, nothing in this world was soft anymore. He gently worked his hand between them, palm on her stomach, and circled her clit with a finger.
She pushed down onto his hand. She wasn’t in control of her body anymore. Her hips moved without her instruction, her arms were jelly beside his head, her mind was empty, and now every nerve in her body was either focused on her clit or his dick inside her. The slow, steady rhythm of his hips and finger were overwhelming. She wanted to grope and grab at something. Her hands clenched into fists. With her wrists bound she couldn’t touch anything. Her forehead was pressed hard into his chest and she was breathing her own recycled air in the space between them. He held her still with his hand on her back and couldn’t fuck him like every part of her ached to do. Panting, her eyes closed tight, she could feel her lips on his chest. Without thinking she bit. She knew it wasn’t hard, probably not even enough to bruise, but it was the only action her mind could find.
“Shit,” Daryl groaned, at first in surprise and then a wave of intense feeling ran from her mouth to his dick. His hips jerked as a reflex and she gasped. The place where she had bit him throbbed momentarily. He snatched his hand from between their bodies. He grabbed her with all of his strength and rolled them over. Kristina made a small oof sound and when he looked at her to make sure she was okay she was smiling. In one smooth motion he pinned her bound wrists above her head with one hand and swept one of her legs over his shoulder with the other.
He thrust deeper into her. He leaned into her leg as far as he felt he could without hurting her and put his mouth next to her ear.
“This what ya want woman?” he asked through gritted teeth, quickening his pace with shallower, faster thrusts. “Ya wanna be bad, that it?”
“Yes, oh god, yes Daryl,” she yelled. “Fuck!”
“Fine,” he growled as he lifted himself up enough to move his hand from her wrists. At first he gently slid his hand to her throat. She looked into his eyes and nodded. He squeezed and she rasped out a please. Just a bit more pressure and they found the sweet spot. Her breath was ragged and her eyes rolled back. He felt her leg wrap around him, pressing on his ass to push him deeper. His thrusts became more erratic as her muscles tightened around his dick.
He watched her face carefully as his orgasm started to tug at him. Her lips were parted, her eyes shut, and her cheeks flushed. She was so beautiful. Seeing his rough, tan hand around her pale throat nearly sent him over the edge. He didn’t pull back on his last thrust, he ground his hips against hers. He felt her groan in his hand before he heard it. Then he released her neck and her body rocked against him. Her muscles pulsed around his dick.
Her orgasm tore through her. She yelled his name and gasped. Loud, hitching breaths shook her chest. He let her leg slide off his shoulder, wrapped his arms around her, and buried his face in her breasts. His hips bucked against her. He felt her hands find his neck.The bandana strained against her movement. The sensation of the fabric on his skin made him moan a quiet, drawn-out fuck against her chest. He felt his cum pour into her. She wrapped her legs around him and held him as his entire body vibrated.
Kristina kissed the top of his head. She loved his smell and nuzzled her face into his hair for a moment longer. She felt his body relax on top of her. Her pulse pounded in her ears, her wrists, her cunt. His cum seeped out from between them before he pulled out. He slid his arms from underneath her and raised up to see her watching him. She held her bound wrists in front of her face. He didn’t think he had ever seen someone as beautiful as her in his life. He carefully pulled out of her with a small moan in his throat. He sat up and untied the bandana. He pressed his lips against each wrist. When he let her hands go she sat up and kissed him hard.
She flopped back down on the mattress, completely graceless. Daryl laid down beside her. She kissed his shoulder. It was so easy for them to forget what the world was like now. Walkers didn’t exist, they didn’t have to forage for toothpaste, potable water wasn’t a limited resource. Unfortunately this spell would break. They would have some daily tasks to do and normal human things to attend to but for a moment she enjoyed this small bubble of peace.
“Guess Dog’ll be needed some attention,” Daryl sighed. “Imma take him out and feed him. Ya want breakfast too?”
She smiled and nodded, her eyes half closed.
#I have about 5k words of chapt 4 done already#daryl smut#daryl dixon x oc#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl dixon#daryl x oc#twd fanfiction#cw ptsd#tw ptsd
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