#Me??? Posting a fully finished piece of artwork?? Impossible!

[saltycakey]

[peonycats]

your art is so so good! how did you get good at it haha like besides the practice were there any things you watched to help? how should i stop myeelf from getting discouraged at the start when i'm just a beginner and my art looks.. bad lol

hmmm, well this is a complicated topic for something as big and expansive as the topic of art but! 

I’ve been basically drawing as far back as I can remember, and it’s probably the great love of my life; like... not to get dramatic but art is just something I wholeheartedly adore and love doing, and I would be despondent if I couldn’t draw again asjdjgskjas

Here’s some things that have helped me:

Skool: I have taken formal art lessons when I was ~12 to 18, so that helped a lot with my realism, along with working in other mediums!

Save things that give you inspiration: I save both a lot of art, like pieces that I like/inspire me, and photos, things I want to draw/study from! (I rarely take photos myself tho I don’t travel a lot and I know nothing about photography lmaooo) I also follow a lot of photography accounts on social media! This is why my photo album has over 4,000 images oop-  But this does help me get inspiration or ideas for drawings! that and the 10 million requests in my inbox gdsfjjdsjfhsj

Study anatomy: It’s a pain but it’s so so important!! Manga Materials and miyuli on twitter have lots of great drawing resources pointing out common anatomical drawing mistakes and they’re great!

I would also recommend you to study your own body in the mirror and observe how it looks from certain angles, or the way that your body shifts and changes as you move or pose. Now, this will be limited to only your own body type, but reference photos on the internet are there for you to learn about others!

Catch your mistakes early: Please frequently horizontally flip your art I beg you- and on that matter, stay longer in your rough art stage, and try to fix all your art mistakes there, because it is 1000% harder trying to fix them in the late stages

Lighting: it’s also super mega important, especially without lineart, but I hate it >: ((((((( 

OH AND A VERY IMPORANT TIP, BOTH FROM MY TEACHER AND ME: ZOOM OUT ON YOUR CANVAS FOR GOD’S SAKE- the forest is much more important than the trees!!!! nobody is looking at your art as closely as you do, and most people will glance at it for a seconds at least a feet away on a screen, so you need to make sure your drawing is clear and good looking from that perspective !!

generally, learn the rules before you break the rules is good practice!

Certain exercises/practices I recommend:

hmmmm I dont really watch a lot of youtube art channels tbh? I prefer to listen to videos over watch them sdhjfjsjkkjsd so I can’t really help you there ‘’’

Try drawing a reference photo, looking at it much as you need to. Then, try to draw the reference photo a second time, without looking at any references. This exercise is very useful for observing your default art style- what techniques do you rely on most? what things do you naturally emphasize? What are certain aberrations you don’t wanna keep and will need to look out for

To take an example, through this exercise, I found out that I tend to elongate the neck. Nowadays, I try to keep that in mind as I draw and keep a careful on my characters’ neck length dshgfjdsjfhd

Tracing other ppls artwork is good for practice!! Just don’t post it publicly without their permission!! 

Tbh, I think it’s more important to draw consistently and frequently for a beginner than it is to create like a few high quality, high effort drawings. This doesn’t mean never finish a drawing, what I mean is moreso- the goal for a drawing shouldn’t automatically mean a finished, well-lined/fully colored and shaded drawing. Like... you don’t need every piece of art to be a masterpiece- that’s just impossible. Your goal could be “I want to draw lots of hands here and get comfortable with their basic shape”- therefore, not every hand will be perfect, nor will you need to create something appealing for viewers. You could draw a thumb there, an ugly, unshaded pose here, whatever helps you fulfil your goal!

gesture drawings are massively helpful because they force you to use less details to convey your drawings- you can’t just keep on layering details on a flawed base in hopes that it’ll turn out okay in the end. In a similar vein, try putting limitations on your drawings! like, drawin in only straight lines, or limit your line strokes! 

Social media is a hellscape for artists because of the constant feeling of competing with your fellow artists and frequently pushing out content for attention and “engagement” and instant rewards- for the love of all that is holy, do not make your own self worth dependent on your social media success man. It’s hard, and I don’t think we can fully separate ourselves, but do not let the algorithm decide your worth!!

Time: yeah this shit’s gonna take a while; don’t be impatient!! just focus on how far you’ve come (especially compared to the vast majority of people who’ve and will never draw) and the now!!!

Experiment! Find a way of drawing that is sustainable and works for you!! There’s nothing wrong with spending some time practicing/experimenting with painting or painstakingly inking everything, but if it’s not doing it for you, or you can’t maintain that level of output, there’s nothing wrong with dropping an element from your art style?? you can always add it back or experiment again!

(take this tip with the “learn the rules before you break the rules” tip- there are certain things I think you should have a pretty good handle on, but then if you wanna break them for a reason, go for it!)

[ralexsol]

On the Subject of Underverse S2

You read that correctly: this is a post about one of the greatest shows ever created, the Undertale animated series Underverse, written/animated by @jakei95​. I have a lot of theories that I’ve been pulling together ever since I watched both Underverse and Xtale (the Underverse prequel series). Maybe one or two have no basis in anything, but for some reason they popped into my head and I’ll stick by them until they’re proven incorrect. I will discuss the possibility of a Geno/Ink fight, Fresh!Ink, XI (you’ll definitely want to read their section!), and the fates of many different characters. This is quite the long post, so buckle up for a long ride.

Let’s begin!

GENO/INK FIGHT:

I’m putting this theory first because it is the least important. At some point in time, I somehow got it into my head that there is supposedly going to be a fight between Geno and Ink. I have no idea where I heard about this, and when I searched for any specific videos or posts about the subject, I found nothing. But I personally think a fight scene between Geno and Ink would be pretty cool, so I’m adding this in here.

FRESK!INK’S EXISTANCE:

This is a more relevant theory. Ever since Jakei announced that Fresh!Ink would be a part of Underverse, I have wondered how he would be incorporated. I don’t know if she means for him to be in the future “Beach Episode” or something more serious. (Of course, I know almost nothing about this supposed “Beach Episode”, which is apparently when Epic!Sans will be showing up, so I really wouldn’t know.) But there is an important thing to remember: Ink and Fresh made a deal in the first season.

Ever since I saw this Underverse - Xtra Scene 2, I have wondered what this “prize” could possibly be. What was Ink’s side of the deal? What did he promise Fresh? Hmm... maybe a new body to take over?

Ink’s body doesn’t have a SOUL- that’s basic “Undertale AU Knowledge 101��. What does this have to do in regards to Fresh? To my best knowledge, the actual parasitic creature True!Fresh feeds off the souls of other creatures to survive. In fact, his soul-feeding would kill his victims if he stayed long enough in one body, but he likes to play it safe and leave his victims alive in case he needs to use their body again. But he wouldn’t need to do this with Ink. Because of Ink’s SOULless nature, Fresh could theoretically feed off his body forever. Some might object that since Ink doesn’t have a SOUL, Fresh wouldn’t be able to feed off him. But then how does Fresh!Ink exist?

So, what was their deal? Fresh watches over the Xtale AU while Ink is gone, and after Cross and X!Chara are taken care of, Ink comes back and lets Fresh take over his body for a little while. There may be something else I’m missing, but the pieces seem to make sense.

XI’S PURPOSE:

For those of you who don’t know who XI is, I suggest you watch this video about Jakei’s Overwrite merch. This is when the character of XI was introduced to us, back on good ol’ April 1st, 2019. Haha, yes, the joke character of XI- funny April Fool’s Day video, a good laugh for everyone. Jakei has made a few comics about XI since then, but overall, XI hasn’t been involved in Xtale or Underverse so far. That has never sat right with me, and I’ve always thought there would be something more to him. I was proven absolutely correct when Xtale - The Movie came out. But before we discuss the little extra scene tagged onto the end of that video, I would like to point out some very interesting facts about XI.

On October 6th, 2019, Jakei posted a traditional speedart. Obviously, the art is gorgeous like always and every time I watch it I wonder if I will ever get to the level of skill she is at. But besides that, there is a very important aspect about this video. In the speedart, Jakei drew two pictures: one of X!Chara and X!Frisk fighting, and one of XI. In XI’s picture, they are depicted in full armor with a magical purple sword & shield.

Hmmm... I wonder who this could possible resemble?

Every time XI is shown, whether it be in comics or artwork, their bangs hang over their eyes. Their armor looks exactly like Kris’s from Deltarune. Heck, they both use a sword and a shield! What does this mean? XI is X!Kris. There is no way to deny this. This is why they are X!Chara’s and X!Frisk’s little sibling. I would also like to point out XI’s silver oval locket. I find it interesting how he has a different piece of jewelry from everyone else- all other important characters in Xtale have a matching golden heart locket. Does XI also have people he has given copies of this necklace to? Perhaps X!Susie and X!Ralsei, if they exist? But XI being X!Kris is only the beginning of this theory. Remember how I mentioned Xtale - The Movie earlier? Take a look at this picture.

This is a five-second frame pegged at the very end of the video, after an entry written in wingdings by Mister XGaster himself. The message is as follows:

Entry Number Eleven: As clear as a reflection in a mirror, I have found the most perfect projection of forbidden visions. Get ready. Your time is coming.

Okay, just whoa. Not only is the entry #11, but the person standing there is XI. Oh, and let’s take a closer look at what they’re holding in their hand.

I knew that silver locket was going to be important. There is no way that XI is not going to play a major part in either Underverse S2 or hmm... maybe a spin-off about the Xtale versions of Deltarune characters? To my knowledge, Jakei has not said anything about her plans after she finishes Underverse. She has her Metadora project, and I am aware that her husband @nyxtheshield​ is planning out his own Undertale series- someone will need to animate that, and I’m sure she would be able and willing to do the job. She has stated that there will be no seasons of Underverse after S2, and the finale will be 1.0. But that doesn’t mean she won’t make a new series. If she does, will it be about all the Deltarune characters? Will the other Xtale characters show up at certain points in it? Will XGaster play a large part in it? There is no way to know, as the idea of a new show is simply drawn from that there may not be enough time in S2 to fully expand what XI is.

In any case, XGaster states in the entry that “your time is coming”. This could either reference a new show or XI’s appearance in Underverse. I find it extremely interesting how XGaster words his message. “The most perfect projection of forbidden visions.” What does that mean exactly? XGaster has seen something in one of his many visions, obviously. The most perfect image of prohibited sights. XI is a person that stands for something that should not be allowed to exist. That makes sense- XGaster, a man, somehow got pregnant and birthed them, as shown in the Overwrite merch video. The “forbidden visions” might imply that he has seen something quite “cursed”, as us modern Internet-users would say. But then he tells this projection to get ready, because their time is coming. XGaster is telling XI to prepare themself. This just proves that XI and XGaster are tied together very closely, and that if XI does get their own series with X!Ralsei and X!Susie, XGaster will be involved.

Whew! That’s a lot of information to take in all at once. This was the big “theory” I wanted to discuss, so now we will move on to the different fates I believe may befall some of our beloved characters.

INK, FOR GOOD OR FOR WORSE?:

Ah, Ink. One of the true protagonists of Underverse. Remember: a protagonist is not necessarily a hero, just one of the leading characters. It has been seen that his story arc is the most important throughout the entire story. He is the one that inspired XGaster. He is the one that made XGaster’s plan succeed. And he very well might be the one to make it fail.

Wait, you’re asking me. I thought he was on XGaster’s side? What do you mean he will make it fail?

I didn’t want to address whether Ink was going to stick with XGaster or flip until a certain song was posted by Nyx two days ago on December 5th, “Soulless Heart”. If you haven’t listened to it yet, go ahead and click that link because the song is beautiful and absolutely necessary to continue on with this theory! The song is the Underverse 0.5 Ending Theme, and guess who it’s about? You guessed it, our good old buddy chum pal Ink. I’ve been listening to it on repeat since it came out, and it really is incredible. (Nyx, if you’re somehow reading this, I would like to personally congratulate you, because not only is the music amazing but mwah! Your voice is a joy, and I would not have any other singer do the vocals.) But the most important thing about the song is the lyrics. Here’s the first verse.

How long have I been longing

to be free and not broken

in this ocean of hollowness?

I don’t want to be forgotten.

Instantly, the lyrics hit you hard. This is about Ink, though, so you can’t expect anything less. Essentially, the song is about the emptiness that Ink feels without a SOUL. This goes along with one of his main aspects in Underverse. The only reason why he worked with XGaster to make sure XGaster’s game worked was so he could feel more emotions. As a chaotic neutral character, Ink literally only cares about himself and his personal goals. But what is interesting about this song is that he addresses the pain he has caused.

Sacrificial lambs

laid upon my path

now are broken worlds

killed by senseless wrath.

Ink knows that he has hurt people. I mean, in the present timeline when 0.5 is to be set, Ink’s actions just caused Error to literally “pull the plug” and destroy all the AUs. (Although, how many AUs were actually destroyed is impossible to determine, because there are still multiple Sanses that will be incorporated into S2 that were residing in their AUs at the time of their supposed destruction.) Ink knows that this is his fault. And now that XGaster has won, Ink will be receiving all those emotions he wanted! In the S2 teaser, which was released on the original Underverse 0.5 release date (the episode was unfortunately delayed due to issues with Nyx’s distributor, RouteNote), shows something very important.

Look at those vials in his hand. Those aren’t just colored vials. Well, they are, but their colors are especially important. Look at their specific colors: orange, yellow, and amber. Previously, Ink’s vials have been seen as very straightforward: roy g biv, that sort of thing.

You have one or maybe two variations, although in this picture there seems to be about four different aqua vials. But there certainly isn’t an amber vial. This goes to show that XGaster followed through on his promise, and Ink has a lot more variations in his color-coded emotion vials. The obvious conclusion from this is that he can feel a lot more things than he thought was possible- including guilt. With his newfound feelings, he could realize that what he did wasn’t just wrong, it was horrible. He might start to blame himself for getting all the AUs destroyed, which in turn might result in a betrayal of XGaster. With his emotions, he would become a real good person. But ultimately, without XGaster’s Overwrite abilities, Ink’s new emotions will fade and he will return to be the same old Ink as before. He will no longer understand why he sacrificed his emotions, and the cycle will start anew. Ink will never be truly happy, because being happy will always mean the suffering of others.

Or, Ink will stick with XGaster. It would be the same fate, after all; if the heroes defeat XGaster, Ink will still lose those emotions. This, though, might leave him feeling bitter and even more willing to do anything to get what he wants, which could potentially lead to him becoming a real villain. Perhaps XGaster isn’t the final boss of Underverse. Maybe the one to start everything will be the one to finish everything.

XGASTER AND UT!GASTER:

This wouldn’t be a real theory post without discussing our favorite fanfiction writer, would it? And yes, XGaster is literally a fanfiction writer. He has symptoms of OCD concerning the world-building of his universe and he just loves to add as much angst as humanly (or monsterly) possible. It just so happens that he lives in his own created universe, so his creations have the pleasurable chance at getting revenge.

Now, there are obviously two ways that Underverse can go: XGaster succeeds, or XGaster fails. This doesn’t necessarily mean that this will be the ending of S2. As I mentioned above, perhaps XGaster will be defeated at the end of 0.9 and 1.0 will be about everyone trying to stop Ink from taking the Overwrite SOUL for his own, I don’t know. In any case, I don’t really have anything to discuss about XGaster specifically, but I am pretty sure I know what his last scene will be if he happens to lose.

It is shown in the Underverse S2 Prologue - Owners that XGaster and UT!Gaster spent a lot of time together in the Void between the events of Xtale and Underverse. Not only do they hold an entire conversation together in Owners, but in Underverse 0.1 when Sans is hit in the head with a ball, he has a vision of the two of them standing together.

In XGaster’s and UT!Gaster’s conversation in Owners, UT!Gaster tells XGaster that he will fail in his quest for perfection. XGaster brushes him off because he’s an egotistical prick, yadda yadda. But this conversation is important because I believe it will parallel the ending of XGaster’s quest. In the end, UT!Gaster will approach his old Void-buddy and tell him to just give up on his pointless venture. XGaster will turn to dust after saying something like, “I will never give up”, and then we have Ink going on a rampage. That’s pretty much all I have to say on them, but I thought it would be worth adding.

DREAM AND NIGHTMARE:

Lastly, we have the brothers. As with XGaster and UT!Gaster, I don’t have much to add with them. But I do believe they will both play a major role in S2. They will be the overseers of the battle to come. Out of all the characters in the Undertale fandom, they are the most omnipotent. They are the protectors of the Tree of Feelings, which is one of three trees to give the Multiverse life. In Underverse 0.4, when X!Chara accused Nightmare of “watching us all this time as if we were part of a show”, Nightmare responded by saying:

Of course, Nightmare mostly means himself, Error, and Ink. Dream is much more active in helping people be happy, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t on the same god-tier level as his brother. Dream could sit back and watch the world tick, but he chooses not to because that goes against his morals.

In other words, Dream and Nightmare will probably affect the outcome of Underverse more than any other characters. They’re both pissed about what Error did: all those people that Dream cared about were murdered, and Nightmare can no longer generate negative feelings from innocents. They both have invested interest in this Multiverse war now, and their powers will certainly come to the forefront.

I believe that at the end of the story, the Multiverse will essentially go back to the exact way it was before Xtale was invented. XGaster will be dead, the Xtale characters will be put back in their AU, the other AUs will be restored, and at the end of it all, Dream and Nightmare will be once again pitted against one another. We may even see an alliance between them during Underverse S2 to stop XGaster, but afterwards, they will reestablish their rivalry. Unless the Omega Timeline comes into play, which it very well might, I don’t see the two brothers reconciling.

CONCLUSION:

Thank you everyone who took the agonizingly long time to read this! I hope this shed some light on certain characters (especially XI) and encourages to make some of your own theories. Stay safe and good night!

[fallenfurther]

Mending Bridges

Another Post Buried Treasure Ficlet, (with another one in progress.) My brain won’t let me write anything else until I get these out my head! 

***

Debrief had been quick and tense. Gordon was angry at him and Virgil was angry at both him and Gordon. When they had finished, Gordon stormed off in a huff with a irate Virgil following close behind. Scott sighed. He'd have to sort this out but first he needed food. A quick trip to the kitchen and Scott made himself a sandwich and gulped down a glass of water. He was thankful he'd left the Reacher doll in his room for debrief, knowing now that having it there would have made Gordon impossible to deal with. He was going to have to leave Gordon to chill for a bit, which meant tackling Virgil first.

Scott washed up his plate and glass. He headed to Virgil's room and knocked gently before poking his head in. Virgil was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. With no response from the man, Scott entered and perched on the bed next to his brother. Virgil looked at Scott and sighed.

"I knew you'd come." Virgil's eyes went back to the ceiling. Scott could hear the underlying tone of anger and frustration in the words. His brother sat up and moved so he was leaning against the headboard of his bed.

"What happened today, Virgil? You said you'd be monitoring us." Scott kept his voice calm and even. As much as he wanted to rip Virgil for the lack of judgement, he could tell from his brother's mood that it would cause a rift between them, and Scott couldn't handle that. He needed Virgil to keep him on the straight and narrow. So, Scott tried to keep his thoughts to myself. Virgil looked him in the eye, his brown eyes full of hurt and sadness that tugged on Scott's heart. He had to fix his brother. Virgil sighed.

"I don't know, Scott. I went back into Thunderbird 2 and monitored you, and I was, until I called to give John an update. Turns out he was monitoring you too. I sat there, looking out at the upset groundskeeper and felt redundant. So, I handed over to John and went over to the groundskeeper to see if I could make peace with him. He was reluctant at first, but he let me in and showed me the basics. I was shocked when he said I could do the last bush, considering his reaction to the damage we did to the giraffe, and even he let me do a Thunderbird! He really liked it too."

Virgil let out an exasperated breath. Scott knew what was coming next. He knew Virgil so well, just as Virgil knew him so well. It's what made them a good team. It also meant they were on each other’s back a lot, for not doing what they should.

"And then you guys came out the ground and caused a sinkhole. Which took not only my topiary bush, but the other two with it. I'd worked hard not only on the bush but on improving the image of International Rescue in Mr Greene's eyes, and you went and ruined it."

Virgil's frustration was evident, his hands in fists at his side. Scott wanted to point out the life and death situation that had been happening below the surface. He wanted to point out the lack of choice they had and the fact that they couldn't control the WRM. That they wouldn't have been able to stop the WRM getting so close to the surface, even of they'd know it was going to happen. He wanted to tell his brother it was just a bush and he could do it again, but Scott knew better. Instead, Scott moved to sit beside his brother, though he had to keep one leg on the ground as there wasn't enough room for him to sit fully on the bed, without invading his brother’s space.

"I'm sorry, Virgil. John's always watching us, and in the moment, it slipped my mind that you'd be fighting for the job."

Scott turned his head and gazed at his brother's face. The sadness was still there but the frustration had started to leave his eyes. Virgil unclenched his hands and brought his knees up but turned his face away.

"It was a good idea, trying to get the groundskeeper onside. It's just unfortunate that the exit John gave us was right next to you."

Virgil sighed and his shoulders slumped, and Scott felt mild relief. Watching the anger leave his brother meant he'd done his job. He was never going to heal the sorrow. Virgil put his heart into all his artwork, and to see it destroyed like that would leave its mark. Time would be needed for that hurt to heal.

"Next time you take the mole. Maybe it'll come back in one piece then."

Scott watched Virgil shake his head as a small smile graced his face.

"Definitely, can't trust you with nice things anymore. Maybe One is a little much for you, can't have you not bringing her home. Maybe Alan or Gordon could fly her for a bit?"

Scott smiled at his younger brother and gave him a playful elbow in the side.

"I'll stay away from the pods, if you keep Gordon away from One."

Virgil shook his head and chuckled. "You still worked up about that?"

Scott shook his head. "No, but he belongs in the water, in Thunderbird 4."

"He does."

Scott sat beside his brother in silence. His thoughts drifting back to the time they almost lost him.

"You really annoyed him by opening that toy."

Scott sighed. "I know. I'm not going to hear the end of it for a while."

"What are little brothers for, aye?"

Scott chuckled, "I don’t know, they seem to be good at giving me grey hairs."

Virgil laughed but looked slightly distant. Scott watched as his brother stretched his fingers, a sure-fire sign that Virgil had an image in his head that needed to be expressed. Scott got up and took his leave, glad that his brother was in a better mood and certain he'd find a new piece of art on progress in the morning.

[annelyseg]

Expanded Poetics: Some initial thoughts

This (linked) sound piece from Dutch composer/performer/poet Jaap Blonk is strange and lulling—can’t imagine the reference to John Ashbery’s “Into the Dusk-Charged Air” (which also consists of listing bodies of water) is a coincidence:

Onbekendegracht Wateren van Amsterdam Ringvaart van de Haarlemmermeerpolder Burgemeester Van Tienhovengracht Johan van Hasseltkanaal-Oost Johan van Hasseltkanaal-West Zijkanaal K naar Nieuwendam Christoffel Plantijngracht Burgemeester Cramergracht Johan van Hasseltkanaal Oudezijds Achterburgwal Jacob van Lennepkanaal Noordhollandsch Kanaal Oostenburgerdwarsvaart Jan van Riebeeckhaven Oostelijk Marktkanaal Oudezijds Voorburgwal Plantage Muidergracht Westelijk Marktkanaal Amsterdam-Rijnkanaal Broekermeerringsloot  

[and so on...]

I’m curious about what Blonk deems his “scores and visual poetry”: is each score also a ‘visual poem’? What does he mean by ‘visual poem’? Or are there, among these graphic scores (which seem to essentially consist of handmade marks/gestures in a few different media, some of which occasionally resemble a kind of made-up ‘writing’), some poems? What exactly is it that makes a drawing a poem?

Jaap Blonk, “Little Swarm”, from “Swarms” (2012-2018)

I begin with something Jane Miller said in a workshop in Spring 2018: a poem is a poem, can be read as a poem, insofar as it is using the tools, the tactics/strategies, the materials, of poetry; insofar as it is in conversation with the conventions and histories of poetry.

What are these tools, conventions? Language (spoken or written or read); image; simile/metaphor; enjambment; lineation and line breaks; alliteration, consonance, rhyme; lyricism; form, “strict”/”inherited” (sonnet, villanelle, haiku, etc.) or “open”; allusion; meter; etc. etc. etc. etc.

The notion of “tactics” is even clearer when thinking of something like a chair: chairs often have 4 legs, a horizontal surface about the size of a person’s ass, are a couple of feet tall, have a vertical surface meant for the back, are meant to be sat upon. Tactics can be aesthetic, instrumental/utilitarian, simply convention, and so on. Of course, a chair needn’t engage in ALL of these tactics: some have no backs, have 3 legs, are very close to the ground or very tall; even an upside-down chair, which does not fulfill the most vital part of chair-ness (sitting!), is still undeniably a chair. Why? Imo, because the upside-down chair (or the 200-foot-tall chair) is not simply ignoring chair-ness, chair-tactics; it’s actually still FULLY engaging with them, in this case by rejecting/refusing those tactics. Engagement through rebellion is still engagement. The chair could be right-side up; the chair prefers not to.

Thus: a poem needn’t use/engage every “poem tactic” to be a poem. Instead, it seems that the more of them it engages (and the more important those tactics are regarded in our contemporary moment), the more immediately legible it is as a poem; the more immediately it registers its poem-ness, and invites the reader to “read it as a poem” (i.e. to feel at liberty to interpret the poem’s materiality in conversation with / relation to other poems’ materialities). Prose poems are obviously still poems even though they have no line breaks: they often still engage with many other poetic tactics, and besides—as with the chair—they are not ignoring linebreaks, they are refusing them. This is crucial to me, and an important aspect of what I’ve been calling in my mind “trust”: whether an aspect of an artwork seems like a choice (in which case it seems authoritative, deliberate, to be ‘engaging’ w/ its inheritance), or a coincidence (in which case it can seem sloppy/lazy, amateurish, un-rigorous, etc.).

Which brings me back to Blonk’s “scores and visual poems.” I know that Blonk writes more conventional ‘poetry’, and I know that some of the marks in his scores are related to invented phonemes / language systems. But when I try to accept his invitation to read these artworks as a poems, I struggle. What poetic tactics does “Little Swarm” engage with? Does “poem” here mean, for example, “read the white space between these marks like stanza breaks”? And even if it does, what does that reading actually do for me—what experience does it generate, what feelings or thoughts does it evoke, what happens to me—as a reader? In this instance (and I gently acknowledge that I’m not even sure if Blonk means “Little Swarm” to be a “visual poem” or not; perhaps it’s just a score?), this reading doesn’t really do much at all. I’m able to apply almost none of the tactics of reading/writing poems to this drawing. And so, as a potential work of “expanded poetics,” it fails for me.

(I note here, briefly, that I have far fewer qualms about calling almost anything a “score” than I do about calling almost anything a “poem.” I can’t tell if this is because I have less ‘domain expertise’ in composition, and/or because scores are simply instructions for finished artworks, & don’t really make claim to being artworks themselves. If you ask me to treat a pair of dirty underwear as a “score”, you’re simply saying, “treat this like an imperative, like a set of instructions; perform [with] this.” I can do that with any material. But I can’t necessarily “read” any material “as a poem,” or find doing so fruitful or meaningful.)

So.

Although I love the idea of “expanded poetics” (I’ll try to define this another time), right now I find many non-text-based works that explicitly make claims to being “poems,” in my heart of hearts, unconvincing / impossible to “read as poetry” productively. For example, “Little Swarm”; for example, Taiwanese-born, Paris-based artist Liping Ting’s “action poetry” (linked below): what makes this poetry? What does calling her performances “poetry” do? Obviously it cashes in on poetry’s cultural reputation, connotations, cachet; but does it truly make a difference to the audience’s experience of her work? (Again, this might be a bad example; like Blonk, I don’t know Liping’s work well, & she does seem to be inaudibly speaking during some parts of the video. I’ll choose better examples and do better research for future posts!)

I’d like to understand this better, and to more confidently expand my notions of “poetry” into territories that engage with few-to-no “traditional poetic tactics,” and to be able to articulate how and why these things are poems. To me this ambition is decolonial, an attempt to upset those human-centric male-centric white-centric etc. traditions (tho maybe it’s corrupt to upset those traditions on their terms...; but I am too steeped in western-ness, and believe too much in Poetry, not to at least try), and a way of exploring capacities of Poetry that have not received enough attention. I think to truly theorize an expanded poetics would not just bring “non-poetic disciplines” (performance, musical composition, painting, architecture, science, etc.) into the realm of poetry, but would also illuminate already existing multisensory/multidisciplinary aspects of what we already consider poetry——for example, “expanded poetics” could show that all poems are already “visual” in some (not-talked-enough-about?) sense, already “tactile,” already “structural,” already “kinetic,” etc. And of course if my ambition fails—if the answer to “what does calling this performance a ‘poem’ do?” is “not much!”—then I’d like to know that, too. I don’t want to simply nod my head like I fully get it when I don’t. I start from here: I don’t get it, I don’t know, I am curious and trying to be as openminded as possible.

via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fgAAsgKHlY

The analogy of the chair, by the way, also explains why I’m not very interested in answering the question “What is a poem?” There is no diagnostic checklist. The question I want to explore—the project of expanding poetics, imo—is: “If I engage with this like a poem, what happens?”

[kaytlinfmp]

Evaluation

For my final major project I wanted to produce a portfolio of work that I could present to employers or clients to get 2D work in the games industry. To do this, I decided to create my own brief and a concept for a game, and go through creating the concept art and 2D assets required. This would give me a broad range of skills to showcase from environment work, to characters, to interfaces. As well as displaying these skills to employers, some of them were things I either hadn’t done before, or hadn’t done much of, and wanted to challenge myself as well as broadening my skills. 

In the end, I think I achieved what I set out to do. I now have a range of work that is suitable for the games industry, and showcases my skills in different areas. I think the pieces are finished to a good standard, and show my skills with digital art. The work has gotten me some freelance work with a small games studio (Mobile Pie) lined up, so it definitely achieved what I set out to do. The director and founder of the studio commented on my “great portfolio”, and thinks I would work well on their childrens games. This is a great opportunity that I look forward to taking part in, and would like to find out more about the games industry and if it’s right for me. I also used the work to apply to some other art positions in the games industry, such as Jagex’s concept art internship, and Radical Fish’s concept art role.

As for things that I think were successful, my favourite aspect has to be the background environment pieces I created. I’ve been focussed on drawing characters for so long that I’ve avoided ever really doing backgrounds or detailed environments before. It was a real challenge in that regard, but I found it very fulfilling and fun. I enjoyed finding lots of visual research of bakeries and gardens and witchy places to use as reference when planning out an environment and filling it with lots of little details. The process of drawing and colouring the backgrounds felt more freeing than what I’m used to when making work of characters that I tend to stick to a set equation for. I also found it valuable creating a whole world and thinking about where characters live and what they do, and creating more elements that go together, rather than a random character with no context like I may have done in the past. The same also applies to creating the illustrations of the bakery foods, it was a nice change from the usual characters that I do and feel a bit hemmed in with. Because of this project being for a (fake) game it made me more aware of the finish of the pieces I was producing, I was more careful to make sure everything was neat and tidy and clean and to a high resolution. I think this made my finished work look more professional, and ready to be used in a real game. 

Something that I struggled with quite a lot was colour, and colour theory. Previously I’ve created artwork of characters that already exist, or drawn things or environments from a reference, so could see what colours to use because they already existed. However, creating characters and environments and interfaces from scratch, and making them all look cohesive and not clashing on colours and making sure there was enough contrast and range of values, was extremely challenging. I used to think I was good at colouring, and would choose colours instinctively, but now that I’ve tried creating whole environments and different elements that need to go together, I’ve realised that I definitely need to do some research and studies into colour theory to improve. I’m looking forward to reading some books on this and doing study drawings/paintings to improve my colour theory, which will hopefully make choosing colours for whole environments or new characters in the future easier or with more purpose, rather than blindly tweaking saturations and hues until it looks ok. Something that I also struggled with was the timetable I had set myself to get everything finished. I think I could have stuck to this schedule if I hadn’t had 2 other modules running alongside it. I think this taught me more about the limit of my creative energy, and how difficult it is to be creating very different work for 3 different things within the same week, and that it’s impossible to always be creating. Once the other 2 modules were completed, I found it much easier to concentrate fully on this project and get the final pieces of work finished. 

Despite being happy with the work produced and level of finish, this module, as well as the Portfolio & Promotion one alongside, have made me realised some things about my practice and what I want to do. At the start of this year I was torn between wanting to dedicate myself to digital art for games, or working in different mediums as a freelancer. I ultimately decided that games were the way to go as that seemed like a more stable fulltime job, which was a silly reason to focus on that. For this module I did plan at the start to incorporate both by creating merchandise or plushies to go along with the concept art, but realised I wouldn’t have time for both, so stuck to the digital artwork. Along the way, I’ve realised that I don’t need to 100% decide what I’m going to do as a career and only do that, and that I would like to work freelance after to try different things before perhaps specialising into one thing. My final project being entirely digital work also made me realise that I really need a break from digital, and miss the interaction with traditional mediums. I think with digital the infinite options for colours and brushes and textures and effects makes it too overwhelming and difficult to keep consistent or find a “style”, whereas the limitations of traditional mediums call for creative problem solving which can produce more interesting pieces. I’m looking forward to playing around with traditional mediums again, and maybe finding a way of incorporating both traditional and digital into my work.

My short term goals after finishing are to get in contact again with Mobile Pie and see if they would still like to hire me for freelance work for their games. I can then see if working in games, and digitally, is for me or if I’d like to try something else. I would need to work in my current digital style as this is what my portfolio consists of and what they’re looking for. I would also like to try contacting clients for possible editorial work, I think this would be a good way of trying out new styles or subjects quickly and not get bogged down with long projects. I would like to create work with traditional mediums in my spare time, and if I enjoy it then I can start creating pieces to go into my portfolio so that I can get work that isn’t solely digital. I’m planning on working with coloured pencils and maybe doing some painting again. This will also be a good way of working on my colour theory and practicing other subjects other than characters. I’m also going to try and be more active with posting my work to social media, and maybe paying to make the website live that I created in the Portfolio & Promotion module. I joined the AOI so that I can receive support when it comes to freelancing which I think will be really useful. I’ve entered a couple competitions, like the National Rail postcard one, and hope to enter some more upcoming ones, like the Cheltenham Illustration Awards. I think these will be a good goal to work towards if I don’t have any work, and will be a good opportunity to try new ways of working. 

My long term goal is to have tried out different mediums and styles, as well as different areas of illustration from games to editorial to advertising to books, etc, so that I can find a style, way of working, and area that suits me best and is fulfilling to me. I know now that it will be a journey to find what I enjoy most and can make a living from, and I don’t need to panic about deciding right now and never changing. I would like to have a way of working that can be applied to lots of different things so that I can be producing lots of different types of work, like products, prints, advertising, books, paintings, editorial, games, etc. I think being able to apply my way of working to different areas would make me happy and means I wouldn’t get bored. Maybe a long term goal would be to also get an agent, once I have a defined style and way of working, with some previous clients, so that I don’t have to worry about all the legal stuff.

Overall, I’m happy with the results of this module. I’m happy with the level of work produced and am proud to show it off, and am also happy with my realisation that I don’t need to stick with this style or subject forever. I look forward to using the work I’ve made to try out working in the games industry, as well as for editorial work. But I also look forward to making work very different from what I’ve made in this module, and discovering more about what I enjoy, what mediums I enjoy, and how I can merge digital and traditional together. I’ve gotten down about not knowing what I want to do or how I want to make work during this year, but I am now optimistic about the opportunity to try new things and get lots of different illustration work, and see where it takes me going forward. 

[and-but-so]

Zeta, Lambdamu Raspberry

May 2018

Lambdamu Raspberry Zeta is nobody’s given name. It’s just as unreal as our welling eyes, our tightly drawn lips, and our awkward post-mortem obligations. In the moment after the attending trauma physician calls the time of death, we pause. The moment of silence is so essential, yet so inadequate given that I feel I need a month of silence. Then a resident’s phone goes off, reminding us that our jobs are never done. 

We clean his body, lovingly, from head to toe. We remove everything we can that signifies this boy’s grizzly end. Sadly, what we are required to leave still betrays if not exacerbates the reality of his fate: An ET tube that is clamped to stop the foaming bloody secretions, two chest tubes, one on either side, pinched off with statlocks, an IV I had managed to get into his arm just as his death was declared a medical certainty. He had originally come from 10th and Shunk Streets, over two miles from the hospital. The traumatic nature of the incident meant he was supposed to come to us rather than a facility not equipped for handling trauma. I can only imagine what went through the minds of the PFD ambulance crew upon arriving at the scene:

“This boy doesn’t have a chance.” 

“What a waste.”

”Sweet merciful God.” They probably could have easily seen that he had died right there after being struck by an SUV plowing through the intersection, but how do you tell parents, neighbors, friends, and yourself that there isn’t a one in 1,000,000 chance that he could be resuscitated? When he is moved onto the trauma stretcher his anonymous registration bracelet with the combination of Greek letter/Fruit/Greek letter is wrapped around one of his limbs, all of which have the muscle tone of a rag doll. His two wrists sport a total of three brightly colored plastic watches, a quirk I can’t not notice. Also impossible to ignore is his small chest, crushed. 

I’ve felt a lot of things after participating in trauma resuscitations, but never the crushing weight of loss this incident brought on. I cried at the trauma nurse’s station, too overwhelmed to accept the help and support of my co-workers, most of whom probably thought my face never did anything but smile and crack jokes.

To save time in a trauma, we print an anonymous name band for the patients with an impossible date of birth, 8/8/1888. It wasn’t until days later after scouring the news that I could find out this boy’s real name, see images of him not in his final tortured state. Weeks later, a piece of artwork arrives at the hospital from his elementary school class, full of living South Philly 11 year-olds. It contains more images of him, his bike, the hospital where he was brought. Messages in several different colors thank us all for our heroic work. Though it offers comfort, it cannot explain why any of this had to happen.

Our debrief is the following week, when over fifteen providers involved in the resuscitation attempt pile into a conference room adjacent to an ICU filled with direly sick people. A therapist tries to lead a conversation that easily less than half of us are prepared to have. A trauma surgeon pipes up that losing a child to traumatic death is difficult because he can’t help but imagine losing his own young one. I think, but don’t share, that with my years of accident-prone behavior, I identify more with being that injured child. The therapist informs everyone that an EAP is prepared to offer counseling to anyone who needs it going forward. The trauma attending literally scoffs at the idea, saying “I’m glad it’s an option, but I would never ever do that.” An environment of openness and vulnerability is pretty well struck down before it can even begin to show itself. I try to write in the weeks that follow, but my desire to share everything in gruesome detail is at odds with my urge to not relive the moment. The negligent driving, the physical devastation, the futile attempt to salvage his life, it all felt so unnecessary. I avoid thinking of it because it doesn’t compute with my view of the world. Loss of innocence

Predictably, I bottle it up until I walk down South 10th street by the scene in late summer and glance at the memorial. It is piled high with flowers and candles that enshrine a large print of the boy’s angelic face, crookedly smiling. Tears are blurring my vision and they won’t stop coming.

For J.A., 2007-2018.

Post-script:

It took me over two years to revisit this moment fully and finish writing about it but that, along with time, has brought some catharsis.

[arre-cosplay]

Espeon

Ok so, this is hella late (*coughArreWonderConwas4monthsagocough*), but better late than never I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let’s talk Espeon progress.

WARNING: This post is image heavy.

I’ll admit, I gave myself 3 weeks to do this costume, and for me, that’s a really short amount of time for everything I had planned to do for this costume, and even then, I didn’t quite get everything accomplished. But she was at 98% when I wore her, and for myself, I count that as a win.

Artwork by Cowslip

I had originally intended to make a cupped corset for her but that went out the window after I spent a week futzing around impossible patterns. As with most purchasable corset patterns, they won’t really fit you without a ton of tweaking and changes and I just didn’t have the time for that.  I had already drafted a Victorian corset for another costume so I ended up defaulting to that.

Progress went smoothly... for a time.

Now, unfortunately I don’t have any progress photos of this particular corset, however all of my corsets are made roughly the same depending on whether they have a busk or not. The base either being coutil (fairly expensive for those on a budget from most online retailers ($20-30/yd from what I’ve found) or duck cloth (pretty cheap from Joann’s about $10/yd, less with coupons or sales), double bones at each seam with either straight or spiral steel, double straight steel in the center front in lieu of a busk, and straight steel flanking the grommets in the back.

Espeon was a bit tricky creation wise because there was no way to actually fit her until she was almost done as the grommets were one of last thing to go in, so, even though I knew my corset pattern fit me, it was still nerve wracking.

After the corset I started with the skirt. I wanted something with a little flare and an a-line was perfect. Instead of drafting my own I used Simplicity’s 3673 pattern, dress C.

Heavily shortened obviously. The darting that was already in the pattern really helped fitting it to the shape of my corset. For all of the pale lavender on her I used a 100% silk shantung that I found in the LA fabric district for $11/yd. Which was really surprising. The base skirt is made from two layers of the skirt shown above, one of the lavender silk and the lining made from a silver metallic polyester. That got stitched down directly onto the corset just under the bust line.Next I cut the corset pattern out again out of the silk. At this point I was still debating on how true to the original art I was going to be and wasn’t sure if I was going to cut the petal shapes into the hem of it. In the end I did end up doing that and I’m really glad I did. Once I had the shape of the corset shell I pinned on the lace trim that sits under the bust and hand embroidered sequin flower all over her using silver and white AB sequins, clear AB seed beads, and purple metallic AB bugle beads.

This took and excruciatingly long period of time. Which had me freaking out because I was on a time crunch. Once that was finished, the shell was lined with the silver polyester.

On a trip to Las Vegas with friends we hit up a few fabric stores and I found a really beautiful piece of embroidered, double edged bridal lace that I knew I needed to use on Espeon. There was only about a yard of it and it was $18.

It ended up going over top the silk skirt and underneath the sequined corset shell.

Before stitching the shell to the dress, I cut bias tape out of the silk and stitched it around the base of each of those petals. Also in this picture you can see that the hem of the skirt has been gathered slightly to give it the asymmetrical shape. I chose to make this a bit longer than in the artwork simply for modesty purposes since the pants were going to be made of chiffon.

At this point was when I realized that I didn’t buy enough fabric on my LA trip and didn’t have anything for the draped “tails” of her dress. So a quick trip to Joann’s for some lavender organza and I was set.

I had also gone back and added purple crystal bicones to all the small centers of the flowers on the lace layer.

Once the tails were gather and hand stitched on, I took a break from the dress and made the pants and bolero using Simplicity’s 5359 and 3809 respectively.

The pants were super simple and cut from a medium shade of purple chiffon, the ankles were modified to allow for a band cut from silk dupioni to then be embroidered with sequin flowers to match the corset.

The bolero was modified from the blouse that featured raglan sleeves which were gathered down to fit to sit just off the shoulder. The longer portion of the sleeves were made using Butterick’s 6630.

Once that was finished I moved back to the dress. I added a BUNCH of Swarovski rhinestones in opal white and lavender AB, crystal bicones, more sequins, resin flowers with pearls and amethyst rounds, and little clapper bells (which are not pictured in the following photos but were added to the high points of all the petals).

At this point, I was super crunched for time and my friend very graciously made my bracelets for me in exchange for dinner. Pictured below is just one of the bracelets.

As I finished up the bracelets with the chiffon swags I drafted up Espeon’s hat and ears.

Please ignore the mess in the back, my sewing room also doubles as the storage room.

I had never made ears before so it was an interesting process. Both the ears and the hat are made with a buckram base covered in silk and lined with silver polyester with a ruffle of organza and a gathered piece of chiffon for decoration. Lace trim, crystals, and sequins were added. All were stitched onto a headband for ease of wear.

It was at this point where things started to not get completely finished as I was running out of time. I still need to add the tufts to the inner ears and make the small bows that hang off the front tails of her hair.

The bell that hangs off the bow off the side of her dress was super easy, I used a pattern I had made for an Ariel costume as the base and cut it out of silk. It was then hand stitched onto the dress.

The very last thing I did before packing was her wig. Which started as a Venus Classic from Arda Wigs in the color Light Strawberry Blonde. I again deviated from the artwork here by giving her two braids down the back.

As far as shoes went, I had fully intended on buying a pair that looked like the artwork, but they were going to be quiet expensive and I didn’t quite feel like they matched the overall aesthetic of Espeon so instead I ended up ordering a pair of punjabi juti in silver with clear AB sequins and silver beads.

And with that, she was “done” for WonderCon.

I obviously have some things that I need to go back and either fix or complete, but overall she was a successful costume and surprisingly comfortable to wear despite being in a corset all day.

[ethanclaxton]

Dressers, Picture Frames, and Drywall Anxiety

I crunched some numbers and realized that it took me 237 weeks since moving in to get art hung on the walls of our master bedroom. Mild case of “hole-in-the-wall-phobia.”

Now, I know that’s totally crazy. I know how to patch and paint and I’ve done it plenty, but in the interest of hanging the art in the right damn space on the first try, it took this long (yup, 4.5 years) to actually make things happen without rushing the process just to check it off the list.

It’s especially nice to finally live in a bedroom that doesn’t feel like my first apartment where I was forbidden from damaging the drywall. And you how daylight reflects off frame glass? It sure makes a room feel more homey (also, impossibly hard to photograph).

Backtrack for a sec before this becomes all about me being weird for not wanting to put nails into my drywall. Part of the reason this took so long was also due to the fact that we really needed new bedroom dressers. The set of IKEA MALM dressers I bought 10+ years ago has now been fully recalled–now to the point where IKEA is begging to come pick them up to spare you the inconvenience of having to rent a truck in order to transport them back to a store–but when you’re outfitting your “forever home” you want to buy “forever dressers” and it’s really hard to commit to “forever dressers” without making some sort of concession for budget/quality/size/finishing details when you’re simultaneously under the pressure of recalled dressers that may or may not tip on your children because you haven’t anchored them to the wall (back to being obsessed about perfect, hole-free drywall). In short, we’ve been waiting it out until the right dresser at the right price point came into line of sight. Fortunately, that opportunity knocked sometime last fall when a decent set of Benson 6-drawer dressers at West Elm caught my eye. They’re no longer available in the light oak color we bought, but the darker walnut option is available here. Originally priced around $1,200/each, they were marked down to $699 + some bonus discounts + 20% west elm card bonus cash back (+ an exorbitant amount for shipping and setup) and the set of 2 new dressers cost about $1,700 from store-to-door. Pricing-wise, they were a good bargain considering that the units I had really been coveting were about 4x more expensive–completely unjustifiable to my spending senses (but I still love you, DWR). The West Elm dressers were also the perfect size and scale for the wall I had been scheming for in our room, and the lighter veneer wood finish was ideal, too. It’s hard to find light wood pieces that are modern but not just white.

I took a few “before” photos for a good laugh, knowing that it would be crazy to look back on this wall someday and recalling that we lived with it looking like this for 4+ years.

I openly admit that I have a love/hate relationship with West Elm furniture. I had some reluctance about buying dressers there because we’re less than thrilled with our Tillary Sectional, but it doesn’t end there. Our mod upholstered bed frame is literally about to collapse on the floor because a leg is 2-seconds from breaking off (they sent a backup part but angled legs on any furniture get a thumbs-down from me now), and I always thought the drawers in store felt like they had cheap sliders… but all that said, I took a risk and these ones aren’t too bad. They close nicely and slide smoothly, and the leather handles do feel nice and higher end than other products at the same price point.

The real perk of getting new dressers was finally being able to finish that end of the bedroom with some artwork. Our collection is a nice mix of prints that we’ve been gifted (or gifted each other), small originals that we’ve purchased, and a whole bunch of random treasures we’ve collected or inherited. It still took me months to decide which pieces would be hung above the dressers on the wall to make the space feel more finished, but I considered:

Scale and color: Wanted the collection to feel bonded by color palette, and it just so happened that most of our frames are black, so that helped too.

Importance: A little bit of this, a little bit of that. The final selects for our wall all have a little sentimental value, yet still flow well together.

Orientation: To gallery wall, or not to gallery wall? I wanted some organization more than a puzzled assortment on the wall, and bottom-aligning the frames seemed like a good direction. It’s still a gallery wall, but just a little bit more refined and minimalized.

I sat around and brewed about the options for months, planning that I would have them selected and hung on New Years Day if all my ducks aligned.

For weeks I’ve been saying that on New Years Day I would hang a few of these frames on the wall. Will it happen?

. . . #thedayhascome #goals #decor #newyearsday #willithappen #lazymonday #lovehome #holdmeaccountable @jaimederringer @charleyharperart

A post shared by Emily Fazio at Merrypad (@merrypad) on Jan 1, 2018 at 6:46am PST

Didn’t quite make my deadline–I’ll almost always choose a lazy day with friends over a self-imposed deadline–but I got it done in the goal week and boy, did that ever deserve a high-five.

Same week counts.

Also, children are sleeping through my hammering.

How about that cute vintage #brio dog toy? Found it at my Grandma’s house.

. . . #finally #hangingart #tinyartcollection #measuretwice #hammeronce #diy #artattack #newyearsgoals #holdmeaccountable #vintagetoys

A post shared by Emily Fazio at Merrypad (@merrypad) on Jan 5, 2018 at 5:38pm PST

Hanging artwork to be bottom-aligned is so much like installing any type of gallery wall that it hardly feels like it needs much explanation, but what I did was:

Lined up the artwork left to right on top of the dresser so that I could determine which order I wanted the art to present. Originally I thought I wanted the tall pieces in the middle so that they tapered down to shorter pieces at the left and right, but the scale of my pieces didn’t seem right for that, so I scattered them a little bit and found that I liked the balance much more.

Found my center on the wall (not the center above the dressers – I knew I could inch the furniture left and right by a few inches if I needed to make it more centered).

Measured the width of the framed artwork itself, and included 1.5″ spaces between each frame to obtain the measurement for my total gallery wall length.

Determined where the center of my total gallery wall length hit relative to the center of the actual wall – note that I didn’t hang a frame smack in the center of the wall. Since the frames are all different widths (and there’s an even number) no single frame is actually hitting the center point. Aim to have the same amount of empty space on either side of the gallery wall, and line things up from there.

Selected a consistent spacer for the bottom, so that I could easily plan where the bottom edge of each frame would sit. I used a stack of hardcover books – works great.

I hung the middle two frames first. Much like with any gallery wall (helpful tips on this post) once you know the center point for the frame, measure the distance from the wire/hook to the top of the picture frame. Then on the wall, measure down from where the top of the frame hits (while sitting atop the stack-o-books spacer) and put your hook in the wall right there. When you hang the frame, it should rest on the hook but exactly at the same height that it was at while the spacer books rested beneath it.

Note: Not that my phobia is accepting of “oh shit, that’s not right” holes in the wall, but if your nailed hook is a few millimeters too high/too low/left/right, it’s easy enough to recalibrate the measurements and place the hook again… any first (incorrect) hole will be covered by the frame itself. Shh.

Continue to install the rest of the frames, always hanging as you go so you can be certain that the frames are consistently aligned along the bottom edge.

Slick.

As for our 6 frames? Left to right:

That’s the Kaye Rachelle tea towel I posted about in 2012. Our dog, Cody, chewed the towel while it was still practically brand new, but I found new life by framing it because I really loved the screen print of the motorcycle. Now it’s a subtle memory of our buddy boy, as well a cool print.

Pete gifted me our first original Jaime Derringer print for my 30th birthday. Jaime’s someone you might know as the CEO of popular Design Milk and related companies, but she’s also an amazing artist and we’ve both gravitated to her techniques and style for years. This mixed-media piece lived in the dining room for awhile, but I swapped it to a portrait orientation and found that it worked really well here.

Another nod to JD–before the holidays, Jaime posted on Instagram that she was cleaning out some old original pieces, so I bought this white line drawing on black paper as a gift for Pete as we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. Framed it in black, too. Design-wise, it’s similar to her much-covetable Crocodile 1 print for sale on sites like Minted.

My parents gifted us a Grosbeak limited edition lithograph from the Charley Harper collection for our 1st wedding anniversary, and while it was matted and framed right away, it’s never had a good home until now.

Pete and I took a memorable road trip to Kinston, NC a couple of years ago to eat at the famous Chef and the Farmer restaurant (as seen on PBS Create’s show ‘A Chef’s Life’). If you’re familiar, it was every bit as insanely wonderful as you might expect, and if you’re also a fan of Vivian Howard, we should be BFF. Randomly, we were at the restaurant the same day as Andrew Zimmern while he filmed Bizarre Foods for Travel Channel, and in a super weird right-place-right-time moment got photos of Pete/Andrew and me/Vivian and then left her with our menu from dinner, which arrived at our home signed with a personal message a few weeks later. Frame it? Hell yes.

It feels good that our kids know a Charley Harper piece when they see one (my hands-down favorite artist). Julia reinterpreted and illustrated one of his cardinals for me as a Christmas gift a few years ago. Perfect in many ways.

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[southernknots-blog]

Parenthood

I want to start this one off with a little update. If you read my last blog post you know that I had surgery and I am in recovery. As suspected, I had a uterine suspension and removal of endometriosis but it turned out that my entire right side had been pretty close to destroyed from the endo and would have been extensive to remove. So it ended up in an ovarian and fallopian-tube removal. All of this was always a possibility, but to be honest, I really didn't think it would actually happen. It's still hard to fully grasp the entire concept. Not that I am distraught, I just never thought it would ever get that bad to have to fully remove.

I am two weeks out and I feel okay. I am still significantly swollen but each day it goes down a little. I am a very active person and since I stay home, I naturally juggle everyday household tasks, being a wife and a mother. I wish my body could recover as fast as my mind because if I don't finish the everyday to do list I feel a little out of sorts. I feel like I should be able to run a marathon but I still have to be careful of the things I pick up and take it one day at a time. The hardest thing is not being able to hold my two year old for very long. She asks me to hold her and I remind her that Mama still has bobos. She understands but as much as my body says I can't, I struggle to tell her no. Being that one ovary is now gone, it won't be totally impossible to get pregnant again in the slightest, but it MAY bring challenges when the time comes. Some people find this discouraging but as time goes by and this has settled, I find motherhood more and more... fulfilling. I am learning to appreciate smaller goals and take the bad days with ease.

We are headed to Alabama for a hunting trip and as some of you may know, the girls don't get invited very often so this is a treat for us!

We decided to leave at night, that way my daughter would sleep most of the way there. As she struggles to get comfortable and is cranky crying she asks to hold my hand. I sit beside her holding that tiny hand and watching her find comfort in me and drift off to sleep, just like that. I can't help but fully enjoy my toddler in this moment. I think about how amazing it is that she genuinely feels like she NEEDS me to calm down and fall asleep. The process is beautiful to me because I know that one day she will not want me to hold her hand. And it kills me that I have that thought!

As mothers we give and give and give more than 100% of ourselves to another person. So much so that sometimes we forget to be ourselves. Moments like the one I just had, makes it worth every bad day I have ever had as a mother. When they give back a thousand times more than we did, all in a matter of seconds.

My husband and I were always the type of parents who said we didn't want to mold her into the perfect combination of the both of us, we only want to guide her into the person she was meant to become and help her find that path. Watching her grow and doing just that, is more fulfilling than anything I have ever done.

It may sound cliche but that's exactly how I feel about the things I make. I have an idea of what I want it to be, and as I am making I almost get lost, like I am in a trance state. All of the voices in my head that continuously over analyze, all of my walls are broken, and what is left is a very intricate, divine, beautiful soul that shows through my art. As the artwork starts I have a premature idea of what I would like to see it become. I don't force direction or movement, I just guide it and help it become something much more than I ever could come up with in my normal headspace.

As I sit here and gaze at my sweet daughter fall asleep, incidentally the same admiration comes to me when finishing a piece. I can step back in total appreciation to both and say "I made that!" And be blown away by the outcome.

I am partial to handmade things because I know the extent of the dedication put into the work, but not only that, I know the person who made it committed a piece of themselves to it. The amount of respect I have towards that aspect alone is insane. I think any parent could relate to that in some form as I do.

In that same thought I think of the people who are not parents as of yet. To be honest, I have just recently come across many stories in which parenthood is something many people yearn for. From adoption struggles to anencephaly, these stories have me so heavy hearted I can barley think about them without tearing up. I feel the need to help in anyway I can, and since I happen to have over 1,000 followers, I want to use this platform to their advantage. So here it goes...

I met Megan and Tj while working at a part time job. As we were both going through life events, engagement, marriage and finding a career path, we became close. Since then her and her husband have had pregnancy struggles and have chosen to adopt! Shane and I have always thought they were both amazing people and they would make great parents. If you or anyone you know is pregnant and considering adoption, get to know these two. Not only are they awesome people but adoption is something they have always wanted for their family. I hope that they will have the blessing they are looking for soon.

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