#Me: this is a angst fic and don't - I repeat - don't dare to write fluff in this
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shanieveh · 1 year ago
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hanie's masterlist !
— i write mostly various because i can never be loyal to one man for too long
— they all/almost include my faves except for part twos: kaveh, scaramouche, kaeya, alhaitham
— uhm me subcategory them or saying the men involved in these fics... is for another day im tired
— all of them are sfw please i repeat DONT request nsfw works i see you on asks even if anonymous. yes there's profanity or suggestive innuendos in my first smau but PLEASE i do not write those stuff and im VERY MUCH uncomfortable with people requesting them thankssss <3
works (genshin impact)—
rosemary dreams and sweet lullabies
— the comfort of sleep when he is beside you, the moment when you cared more about the reality of the moment rather than the dreams that come along with it
how you love the genshin men
— how you love them depending on their personality and if they liked you back (some didnt angst ensues but there is fluff i promise)
the day... the music died
— you died, their reaction (some gore? idk)
i like you so much, you'll know it pt. 1
—the things they do for love
im in love with you, and know you know pt. 2
— the things they do for love also just different characters i dont really care about.... but they are kinda cool so its OKAY
call me, "lover boy"
— courting you and what made you like them back
being the genshin men's first priority
— they forget everything and anything when you're in the picture. you are all that matters (did i write this during a mental breakdown when i realize how unimportant i am to everyone? yes)
dangerously yours
— wdym this is based on anakin skywalker?! it is. enemies to lovers, you're the hero and he is the villain
salut d'amour
— based on the love of elgar (the creator of salut d'amour) to his wife though not the same plot just that love and affection you feel during the piece
genshin men crushing on you
— self-explanatory. grown adult men pining over you, should be just kaveh but i got carried away and added them all because why not?
10 things i hate about you
— red flags of genshin men based on the poem from the same name (pls watch it) and how ur blind from all the signs (or u just pretend)
i was enchanted to meet you
— first meetings with them cute and wholesome i guess
haunted by the ghost of you
— all alone they still can't help but feel another presence, as memories barely buried resurfaced his mind, of a quieter time, of a simpler life.
karma is my boyfriend
— more crack than fluff fic about how the genshin men will obliterate those that dare hurt you like who would???
when im no longer young and beautiful
— growing old with them (personal fave)
crying in the genshin men' arms
— you cry, they comfort, fluff ensues
"who did this to you?"
— you're hurt and for some reason enemy!genshin men are concerned and doing everything to make you feel better
"forget me not" (neuvillette)
—fontaine is experiencing heavy typhoons and severe floods, and you might just be the reason why
please don't take my sunshine away...
—can't sleep? maybe a lullaby can help :)
to all the boys i've loved before
— you made a letter to your crush, he likes you back, chaos ensues in how he responsed
when you know, you know
— soulmates are a fantasy made by hopeless romantics, but as soon as he saw you he started to doubt that. he was in love.
"what letters?"
— he ghosted your letters is a sign he never loved you, and as you move on your life he comes back, only to tell you a shocking revelation.
"hey are you still there?" "good."
— only needed when everything goes wrong, when he's no longer in her arms. you felt used. but do you stop? never, he was worth it. (inspo by NIKI's song: backburner)
works (honkai star rail) —
the best thing that's ever been mine
— capturing the mind, the heart, the body and the soul of honkai star rail men
when you know, you know
— soulmates are a fantasy made by hopeless romantics, but as soon as he saw you he started to doubt that. he was in love.
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imhereforscm · 2 years ago
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hi. This might be a bit weird. But can you write human Tauxolouve x goddess MC fic?
Like goddess MC's husband cheated on her. So to clear her mind, she went on a vacation to earth( for a month) and met Tauxolouve. They both fell in love. But MC had to return to heaven. Years later after Tauxolouve's death , he was granted permission to enter heaven as a God. Then he got married to the MC, and they lived happily.
▪︎MC had already divorced her cheating husband before meeting Tauxolouve.
Please add a lot of fluff, angst and emotion.💗
I hope this makes sense.😅
"Two different worlds" Part 1
Genre: angst/fluff
Warnings: none
A/N: I will make a 2nd part of this, because I wanted to focus thoroughly on the feelings and ideas this request has brought me☺️🌷
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A tear streamed down your face and your fingers turned cold, your heart stinging as if stabbed with an old and rusted dagger.
"You're... Back earlier than usual." He dared to say and his voice sounded like poison flowing through your veins and he was the snake who bit into your skin. He hurried to cover himself up with the bedsheets, as the goddess lazily got out of bed, not seeming to care one bit for your destroyed state.
"I came earlier, yes." Your voice came out broken, barely managing to get squeezed out of your throat. "And I interrupted as it seems."
He didn't speak—luckily, because your heart was already carrying too much to have his pointless excuses on top. With his cold, unfeeling eyes, it was clear to you as it was to the two of them as well, that he didn't feel anything. No pain, guilt or even shame.
You on the other hand felt everything with every fiber of your being. Your pulse was pounding and your lower lip was quivering, a little reddish from all the biting as you tried to keep it together, but to no avail. The tears streamed endlessly and your voice chords twisted uncomfortably, your ears buzzing with his very voice in your ears. A voice you would've never thought could ever bring you such pain.
"Honey-" His words were cut short, his eyes opening widely and his eyelashes standing on attention by your harsh slap.
"Don't use that word anymore!" You shook your head, disgusted to even touch him. "Not with me. You don't even deserve to say my name..." Your voice fell poisonously.
The door clicked shut behind the two of you, the goddess back in her crimson and gold gown leaving with a triumphant grin on her face. Happy to win and be chosen, even if she planted seeds of ruin on her path.
You wrapped your hands around your waist, leaning your back again the wall and sobbing silently. "Leave."
"You don't mean-"
"I refuse to let a man as filthy as you to remain by my side!" You pierced him with your stare and walked to the door, turning the doorknob and pulling it open. "Don't make me repeat myself."
"And what are you going to do without me?" He scoffed arrogantly, slipping his clothes back on, your heart cracking into a million pieces at the sight of him so insensitive and rage boiling in your ribcage at the impression he had of you.
"If you're think I married you because I needed benefit from you, you're incredibly mistaken." You spoke, struggling to keep your voice even. "I chose you because I loved you, but that doesn't mean I will allow you to treat me with such disrespect." You stated with your head high, even though you were visibly hurting. "I deserve better and even if it hurts for a long time..." You swallowed thickly and narrowed your eyes at him, your eyebrows furrowing. "I'll find my happiness again and I hope I won't make such a mistake this time."
He started walking towards the door and your heart pounded in your ears violently as he came closer to you. "I felt pity for you and I tried to raise your social status with our marriage, but you don't seem to appreciate any of that."
You inhaled sharply at the audacity to pretend to be your savior and accuse you for lack of gratitude, your grip tightening around the doorknob so much the silver dug into your skin and you could feel the marks forming. You pulled the wedding ring out of your hand and chuck it at him, hitting him in the chest, before he caught it. "Maybe you can give that to the next fool to trust you." And with those words, you pushed him out of the door, throwing him out of the house, before you shut the door hard and crouched down on the floor, hugging yourself as you cried, alone in the house you were supposed to be sharing, while you cried or laughed together as one.
--
Dipping your quill into the bottle of black ink, you brought the tip down to the sheet of paper before you, your wrist moving across the white space solemnly out of sheer habit, your thoughts elsewhere, still trying to piece together your life after three weeks of heartbreak and divorce.
Someone cleared his throat and this is when you noticed the male figure looming over you.
Your eyes widened momentarily and you hurried to leave your quill down and straighten your back at the presence of your superior. "How can I help you." You looked up at Leon from your chair behind your desk.
Leon gave you a pointed look for some seconds, before staring lower.
You followed his gaze and you gasped at seeing the black stain, dripping over the letters of your document, the amount of ink causing the paper to soak and rip a hole. "Oh, Heavens, my apologies for... For this...!" You muttered out, frustrated as you snapped your fingers, cleaning off the mess of black ink.
"I knew something was up." Leon sighed, placing a stack of papers in front of you. "There are errors."
"Oh," You shook your head gently, as if trying to throw the awakened thoughts into a distant corner. "I will fix them immediately." You reached for the papers, but Leon took a step back, getting them out of reach for you. You stared up at him confused and he clicked his tongue twice in disapproval.
"You're a mess."
"Excuse me?" You furrowed your eyebrows at his choice of words.
"You're still depressed about what happened, aren't you?" He asked, quietly and discreetly so any passing deities couldn't hear you and bring your private drama into the spotlight.
"Recovering is not the easiest..." You said, fidgeting with your fingers and sighing through your nose.
Leon wanted to lecture you. Tell you about his pessimistic belief of love and its supposed, to him, existence. How it brought both humans and gods to ruin. But he bit on his tongue and kept the thoughts to himself... He knew you had your own beliefs and you followed them loyally. You were fiercely opinionated and didn't let anyone treat you like a fool. And that's why, even though he didn't voice it, he apprecieted you. "Well, I can't have you working like this."
"And what do you want me to do?" You asked, sighing at your own self more than anything.
"That's up to you, just don't cause me any problems." He said. "Some time off work may be helpful."
You eyed his back as he walked off, returning to the department of wishes and the wheels started turning in your head. Leon's idea seemed to be one of his good ones.
---
Two days passed and you found the top of your head basking into the sunlight of Paris, after the king's permission. You wandered around the populated streets and breathed into the wide variety of scents, while you mixed into the humans as if you were one of them.
You would occasionally look down at your clothes, chuckling to yourself at how odd they felt on your body, after being used to the clothing of the Heavens.
On your way, your attention was drawn to a pyramid made out of glass and your soles came to a halt, as you admired this strange, but undeniably stunning work of humans.
A woman walked passed you and you called out to her. "Is this the... Lourve?" You recalled the name of the museum from a wishes list you had received some time ago.
"Yeah?" She responded, seeming to be implying that it was way too obvious for something like that to be asked, judging by the tone of her voice and her raised eyebrow.
Perhaps, it was—for humans though.
Making your way inside, your jaw dropped and sparks lit up your irises at the huge space inside the museum, filled with paintings, sculptures and all the forms of art had left you breathless.
You stood close to a painting hanging from the wall, your eyes analyzing every corner of it. From the figures to the colours, the clothes and even the weather. Your attention didn't miss a single detail.
A shadow fell upon you and from the corner of your eye, you saw a man standing on your right. He was tall and looking closely, his profile was of excellence.
Spotting you, the man shifted his head to your direction. "Can I help you, miss?" A gentlemanly smile spread across his lips.
"Oh, uh..." You shook your head negatively. "No, thank you." You tried to get back to the painting, but your eyes, as if having decided to follow their own plans, refused to leave the man's face.
His eyes were thin and his face square, the gentle features of his face balanced the hardness of his shape and that created a balance so captivating to your eyes.
He chuckled and you internally cursed yourself, realising you were staring again. "If you want some of my time, I'd be happy to give you as much as you want." He smiled at you with flirtation in his gaze. "A beautiful girl like yourself deserves it."
Your eyebrows rose at the sound of those words. You appreciated his compliment, but you didn't know how to respond. You weren't human like him, what were you supposed to do with him? Talk about what? Ask him about what?
"You know," Still smiling at you, he continued. "your beauty could find place in here."
TBC
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blorbocedes · 2 years ago
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8, 11, 12 for starters, but i kinda wanna know all of them. i adore you
8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.
I don't listen while writing but I usually have a song that's on repeat when I have to brainstorm that's very related to the fic I'm writing. For example, for galex wedding fic, American Wedding by Frank Ocean~ in fact if you read the fic/have the lyrics for this song up you'll see the very obvious and direct inspiration. Same with the carlando mafia au -- smooth operator by sade. For the maxiel WR I had Drake's better find your love helped me get in Daniel POV ('I'm more than just an option, refuse to be forgotten')
rn I have humble by kendrick on repeat as I think of lewis and a brocede idea~ it's a Very lewis song. i could do a whole breakdown but I'll refrain
11. If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?
i guess smut? cause that can be angsty AND/OR fluffy. can't imagine myself as a purely fluff writer tbh I'm too cynical for it
12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?
yes! so many!!! outsider pov, dual pov, so many aus, space au, soulmate au, can't rmbr if I've written intercrural sex but need to, maaaaaybe omegaverse? 🤭 that's appropriate for main. do I dare try body horror? I've never written horror hm
I think the only thing I can't attempt is fantasy au.
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fandom-necromancer · 5 years ago
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495. part 4
Have I said part 3 were the final part? Nah. @deviant-sasshole @novaeangliaphotography @serpentbecomedeviant thank you all for remembering this deserved a sweet ending!
Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 part1   part2   part3
‘It is weird seeing you like this’, Gavin admitted as he led Nines out of the room. The android looked down on the body he now inhabited. ‘Well, it feels weird, too.’ ‘Shit, man, I’m sorry.’ ‘I had a feeling this would happen. Amanda is not one to be easily fooled. And the RK900s… We were designed to be more dependant and obedient to her. She had a… harder grip on us.’ ‘Well, but it’s over now, isn’t it?’ ‘Gavin, I don’t want to stay in this body. I may be still the same, but I’m not completely compatible with it and my outer appearance is a part of my identity.’ ‘Yeah, okay. I didn’t want to tell you that, but since you agreed on the weirdness… you are a woman now.’ ‘My mind doesn’t have a gender, Gavin. I simply inhabit a body that has the outer appearance for human aesthetics. What I meant was that it feels weird not being able to analyse my surroundings. I can’t scan deeper than the average android. I can’t hack into the surrounding virtual systems. I can’t shift to infra-red. I am not as physically advanced anymore. Imagine losing the ability to see certain colours. Or to taste what is salty. I could live like this, but I wouldn’t like it… Also… I’m small now.’ Gavin knew this was hard for the android, but he couldn’t suppress a laugh at that. ‘Hey, at least you know how it feels now!’ ‘Ugh, seriously, how can you live like that?’ ‘Hey!’ Gavin could feel his anger rising, but as he looked over to Nines, he saw a smile. It was a different face, different eyes, but that smile still was the same. ‘Eli is working on it. And believe me, he wouldn’t let a chance of having his little brother owe him one go to waste. He’ll figure something out. And if all goes to shit, we might be able to find a RK800 body? I know it’s not the same, but maybe an improvement?’ ‘I hope he’s successful.’
They had taken position at the railing to look down on the brightly lit android statues and observe the DPD working a floor underneath them. Connor had explained what happened and helped Nines getting out of a murder investigation. ‘Hey, I don’t know if you heard it in there, but I’m sorry for not standing up for you. I shouldn’t have let Connor persuade you coming here.’ ‘No, he was right. I needed these repairs. Especially after the last incident I couldn’t have continued working with the police.’ ‘Yeah, but would that be so bad? You would still live, and all this hadn’t happened.’ ‘It is my purpose to be a Detective. I am your partner.’ ‘You purpose isn’t set, Nines. You are not like them.’ ‘We are more similar than you might think. I too like the aspect of having a set purpose. I just don’t share their idea that I exist to kill. I set my own purpose. I want to be a detective.’ ‘Okay, Nines. I just don’t want you to think you have to be that.’ ‘You want to get rid of me?’, Nines chuckled. ‘No! God, no. But I would love you still if you weren’t working with me. If you weren’t a cop.’
Before Nines could answer, Eli had snuck up from behind. ‘Hey, I think I’m done in there! If you could follow me?’ The smug bastard stood at the door to a lab and exaggeratedly bowed to the android. ‘Ladies first.’ ‘Exactly’, Nines spoke his voice cold as ice and waited for Gavin’s brother to enter, followed by a snickering Gavin. ‘Good one tin-can!’
Nines looked up to his own body and felt weirdly lost. He wasn’t supposed to see himself like this. He wasn’t used to it at all. ‘Perfect. Now we’re all set. I repaired all your damaged part and reinforced some parts so you wouldn’t need a repair so soon again. He’s all empty now, too. I deleted Amanda and I deleted every trace of her in there. I…’ It seemed to take some effort to continue. ‘Gavin, you were right. Connor was right. I should have done so long ago. But she was my best work so far, even if she gone crazy over this deviancy-virus, she still was the most advanced AI in the world.’ ‘She was a threat to all androids out there. And she was responsible for the death of the entire RK900-series’, Nines reminded the man. ‘Grief all you want, but I am happy she is gone. Now, can I leave this unfit body? I want to go home with your brother and never come back here again.’ ‘O-of course.’
 Only as he sat back in Gavin’s car and they were crossing the bridge back over to Detroit, RK900 relaxed. Finally, back in his own body, he had run diagnostics and tested out every system. Now he just enjoyed being back and having regained his full strength. He had scanned his surroundings, registering a tiredness in a certain human and listening to his heartbeat. As they pulled into Gavin’s parking spot in front of their apartment, Nines leaned over and pulled him into a deep kiss, wallowing in the overflow of analytical data. Oh yes, he wouldn’t be able to live without this. He pulled away gently, taking in Gavin’s blushing cheeks with both infrared and his normal vision, overlaying them to build an image of true colour.
‘Hey, let’s get home first’, he chuckled and patted Nines shoulder. ‘Oh, yes, I haven’t forgotten your promise, Gavin. A movie and cuddles, if I remember correctly.’ ‘Exactly. So, let’s ditch the car and get somewhere comfortable, shall we?’ ‘Affirmative, detective.’
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lebrookestore · 4 years ago
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four years, one night
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Pairing: Ten Lee x  female reader
Themes:  SLOWBURN, best friends to lovers, player! ten, fuckboy! ten, fluff, humour, angst, sexual tension, college au, some talk about music 
Warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of sex (?kinda), ten is kind of an asshole, reader calls herself a dumb bitch, bittersweet ending, three kisses, kissing, gets a little spicy in one scene but that’s about it, PG15
WC: 10.8k
Playlist: Dream Launch by Wayv, Never let you go by AleXa, Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift, Young again by Morgan Evans, Without You by NCT U, The Tempest by Beethoven (this looks so out of place eye-)
Taglist:  @danishmiilk @channoticedmeuwu​  @1-800-seo @sweetlyjaem @badwithten @blueprint-han @chicksung
Summary: Ten was a fickle person, he jumped from one person to another, breaking hearts, and getting his own heart broken. The one person who had to pick it up every time? You, of course, and it was exhausting, especially when you had to watch.
day break  [ extra piece based in this universe ]
A/n: hello! this fic is very much self indulgent, but i love it so much. I spent most of the last week working on it and half of it is me simping, and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to @chicksung​ for beta reading and helping me throughout writing this. As always, feedback would be very much appreciated!
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‘I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong’- Lemony Snicket
~
A loud slam of the door made you flinch, shutting your eyes in exasperation as you knew what was to come. The same thing over and over again, you were used to it. Honestly, it was nothing new, but his stupidity, the obvious was in front of him, but did he listen? Of course, he didn’t.
A figure walked into the room, a mop of messy black hair with brown highlights adorning his head. It was pretty long at this point, his bangs reaching his eyes. Those damning eyes, melting pools of chocolate brown that seemed to bore into your soul. Those eyes looked remorsefully at you now, as he plopped down next to you, wrapping his arms around your midriff and burying his face in your back.
You sighed. “Again?”, you asked, running your fingers through his hair as he hummed a response. “Again”, he repeated, confirming your suspicions. He looked up, his eyes meeting yours.
You hated his eyes.
He managed to make you do anything for him with just a look. They were undoubtedly your weakness, when they looked sad, or when they upturned into a smile, that instantly brightened your day.
“I can’t seem to get it right can I?”, he asked, searching your eyes as if you had all the answers to his turbulent love life. You scoffed, “You couldn’t have been serious about that chick, Ten, you met her three weeks ago, and she was simply a rebound for you” “Thanks for the support”
“I’m being real, not supportive”
He rolled his eyes, pouting. “But I liked her”, he whined. You gave him a pointed look, “Please, You just wanted someone to be with, if not to fu-” “Oh my god, shut up”
You smirked, turning your attention back to your laptop, where the essay you had been trying to write glared back at you. 
“I just want someone who understands me”, Ten continued, still looking at you. You looked at him. 
I understand you, you thought, I’m here
Ten had always been like this, he jumped from girl to girl, getting his heart broken several times because he was too forgiving with it. He wanted to love, he had always romanticized the idea. Honestly, you thought he needed love too, but he was going down all the wrong paths.
And you had to be there every single time to pick up the pieces.
“I know”, you said half-heartedly, biting your lower lip. He propped his chin upon his fist, observing you and your concentrated look. You typed away, desperately wanting to be done with this paper, one you had been working on for about three days. 
“Do you think I’ll ever do something right?”, he asked. You froze, pushing down what you wanted to say. It was hard, having to deal with Ten's endeavors of the heart’ as he called them. The right term would be- doing random shit and breaking girls' hearts', but of course, he refused that catchy title. Sighing, you shut your laptop, knowing you wouldn’t get anything done now that he was in a mood.
“You haven’t done anything wrong” “Haven’t done anything right either”
You took his face in your hands, “You haven’t done anything wrong, you’re amazing, now stop moping, I’m ordering pizza”
He pulled away from you, sitting up properly. “Can I stay over?”, he asked hopefully. You clicked your tongue, looking at him with an annoyed expression. “Don’t you have your dorm?” “My roommate said he has a girl over, and I kinda want to sleep, thanks” You rolled your eyes, but nodded, picking up your phone and walking into the other room to order.
You heard laughter and looked back to see the boy laughing at something on his phone. Probably a cat meme, or something of the sort. You admired his side profile for a minute, the slope of his nose, the way his eyes shone. He was okay, you supposed, annoying, but okay. No matter how much he tried to justify it, he didn’t care for the girl who broke up with him. He was just fine right now, and had moved on from the topic pretty quickly, and was already smiling.
You also hated his smile. Infuriatingly adorable, one smile would make you want to smile back. You hated it with every ounce of your being, the effect he had on you. 
You hated Ten Lee.
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Scratch that, you didn’t hate the poor boy, you just, despised him?
Nope, you were close friends.
Ironic isn’t it? You had met Ten at a party, where the Dance major was having a lot of fun. You hadn’t seen him before but had heard of him. The boy who jumped from girl to girl as easy as one, two, three. You had no intention of even talking to him, you were content in a dark corner, with a drink.
Nothing ever goes your way. 
The meeting was by chance, he was dared to ask you to dance, you declined, he persisted giving you those puppy eyes. After glaring at him, he sighed, explaining it was a dare, and that he didn’t want to make a fool of himself, and before you knew what was happening, you were awkwardly swaying along to the music with him.
He, regrettably, stuck with you for the rest of the evening, and you ending up liking his company, to the extent where you invited him over the next day for pizza.
The pizza situation turned out to be a thing between the two of you, a tradition of sorts. He would come over with candy, in an oversized sweatshirt looking illegally adorable, you would supply the blankets, and movie nights would begin.
He had a sweet smile and sparkly eyes, which made you question if this was the guy who broke hearts, who was a player. He was like a puppy, it confused you to no end.
“Miss L/n?”, your professor asked, raising an eyebrow at your spaced out figure. Startling, you blinked rapidly, cringing at the situation you had put yourself in. “Sorry”, you apologized, focusing back on the textbook in front of you. You were majoring in Psychology, and while you love the subject, the teacher didn’t like you very much, probably because you had been so distracted the past few weeks, and you hadn’t done particularly well in the midterms.
Needless to say, you were stressed.
The class got over quickly, and you walked out of the lecture hall, deciding to get some coffee before your next class. The cafe was a well-loved one visited by almost every student, and was famous for its chai-lattes, so much so that others also visited it, and not just the students.
Turning towards the on-campus cafe, you spotted Ten already there. His glasses sat at the edge of his nose, giving him an oddly studious look, which was almost laughable. He stood there, holding two cups of coffee, eyes lighting up as he spotted you.
Ten Lee was going to be the death of you.
You walked up to him, taking the coffee which he handed to you, “What do you want?”, you asked suspiciously, taking a sip of the bittersweet drink. You noted the fact he had gotten your favorite, which only worsened the feeling of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. He looked mock offended, and grinned at you, “Nothing!”, he said, “Just wanted to see you”
You rolled your eyes in an attempt to thwart your initial reaction, beginning to walk back to the main campus, for your psych class. Ten walked beside you, holding his sketchbook in his right hand, and coffee in the left.
“Okay, um actually-”
“You want something don’t you?” “I need a reference model”, he said, “So, Y/n, could you please-”
“Oh my god no”, you said, without even letting the poor boy finish, “Last time this happened it ended up with a pain fight and my sweater destroyed.”
“I said I was sorry!”, he semi shrieked, “And this time I need it for a project worth half my grade.”
Sighing, you but your lower lip, nodded tentatively, to which he let out an almost inhuman sound of appreciation, “When are you free?”
“Tomorrow?”
“Nah, I have a date”
You blinked in surprise, and he smiled sheepishly. “Eun-hae asked me out and I said yes so”
“Of course you did”, you muttered bitterly, “You broke up with that other one yesterday”
He seemingly chose to ignore you, “Sunday?”
You nodded and took another sip of the drink you held. He smiled, his eyes forming those endearing crescents that you loved, or hated, depending on what you were going for.
“Thank you, Love you”, he called out, jogging away to his class. You watched him run-walk away, almost dropping his sketchbook. Shaking your head in amusement, you smiled somewhat sadly.
“No”, you whispered, “You don't”
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You didn’t know exactly when you fell for Ten, only that it happened suddenly and you couldn’t deny it. He was idiotic, on many levels, but he was sweet and was there for you when you needed it. 
He was a dance major, and an art minor, talented in both these aspects. You had seen him dance, it seemed like his body moved with the music, it told a story every time. He would illustrate emotion with his dancing. He did that with his art too, each stroke equivalent to a sentence from a story.
Anyone could tell he loved both of them.
You let out a frustrated sound, bending down to pick up the pen you had dropped. You were in your apartment, trying to finish an essay that was due the next day. You longingly glanced at your keyboard, the one instrument that you loved.
Well actually, you loved the piano, but you couldn’t haul your piano from back home to your apartment that you had rented out for your college years, and so you settled for a keyboard. You had loved music ever since you were little, instruments making its way in and out of your house. Your jazz phase consisted of saxophones, and you played the guitar for a bit too. You even picked up the drums for a while, insisting that it made you cooler (because every thirteen year old needed that validation), but you settled back to piano eventually.
You took part in competitions and such, sometimes singing along with your playing as well. 
But you couldn’t afford to even think about playing, until you finished your assignments, which were all marked. They were extensive projects that made you want to scream at times. You didn’t care what Shakespeare meant, nor did you want to conduct a survey about emotions. 
Turning the page of your textbook, you switched tabs to your next resource, ready to jot down more notes for the essay, when you saw a notification at the bottom right of your laptop, which was an email. You clicked on it and let it open.
Your eyes widened, gaping slightly at the screen as you read the email.
Good morning/evening,
            We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into The Royal School Of Music on a scholarship. We have received your application and are impressed by your talent and dedication. Please send us a follow-up email within a month's time to confirm your attendance at our institution.
      TRSOM
 You grabbed your phone, texting your mother about the scholarship, shaking in happiness. It had been your dream to get into the Royal school, but you had initially applied to it on a whim, not really expecting to get in.
You swiped through your contacts, ready to call Ten, who was regrettably your best friend, to inform him of the good news, until you realized-
The school was in another country altogether.
While you knew Ten would be ecstatic about the fact you got it, you had known each other for four years, the entirety of your college career, and leaving for the school would be a bit of a shock. It was definitely not the fact that telling the boy you loved you were potentially never going to see him again that was deterring you from telling him.
You placed your phone back down, telling yourself you would deal with that later, reminding yourself you had an essay to finish.
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Ten tapped his finger impatiently on the table, trying to figure out a way to get out of this date. Initially, the girl he was out with, Eun Hae by name, seemed nice, but as time went on, it was clear she had no personality. 
Now, Ten wasn’t one to judge immediately. He tried to give her a chance, smiling and indulging in the bland conversation, he smiled and complimented her, and was sweet. It was going fine for a first date until of course, she suggested they share a fruit salad.
There were about fifteen other salads on the godforsaken menu, but no, she had to choose a fruit salad, above everything else.
Ten was not having it.
He excused himself, muttering something about an assignment, and went to the restroom of the restaurant, pulling out his phone and searching for your contact, clicking on it.
 [8:39 pm] 10: y/n
[8:39 pm] 10: y/n
[8:39 pm]10:  my precious friend
[8:39 pm] n/n : what now
[8:40 pm]10: I need help
[8:40 pm] n/n: I refuse 
[8:40 pm] 10: I am ofFENDED
[8:40 pm]10: please my date is making me eat fruit
[8:40 pm] n/n: sounds like a you problem
[8:40 pm] 10: I am quivering in fear and this is how you react
[8:40 pm] n/n: I have three assignments to finish
[8:41 pm] 10: I’ll take you for ice cream
[8:41 pm] n/n: deal
[8:41 pm] 10: why has our friendship been reduced to bribery
[8:41 pm] n/n stfu or I won't come and save you
[8:41 pm] 10: I LOVE YOU 
 He quickly sent you his location and put his phone back, getting back to the table and smiling as realistically as he could at the girl opposite him, who was still going on about one of her friends and their doings, while he tried to look as interested as possible.
“So, should we order-”
Right at that moment, you walked in, hair tousled because of the wind and a disgruntled expression on your face. He made an attempt not to smile at your appearance, ignoring the warm feeling he got on seeing you.
You looked around spotting him and storming over, “Ten Lee, what the fuck are you doing here”, you asked, ignoring the girl that sat right opposite him, mock angrily. He caught on, staring at you in bewilderment, noting the hint of amusement in your eyes, “How dare you to do this to me!”
“I-”
“Um, who are you?”, the girl asked, seemingly offended that you had interrupted their date.
You scoffed, displaying all your acting abilities in their full potential, “Who am I? Who are you?”
She blinked in confusion, and Ten used every bit of willpower he had to prevent him from bursting out into laughter. “I’m his date?”
“Un-fucking-believable”, you said, “Ten Lee how could you?”
At this point, Ten was invested in whatever lie you had somehow come up with to get him out of this date. It seemed like you had an entire explanation for it, either that or you were taking the opportunity to scream at him. Both seemed valid.
“How dare you lead this poor girl on!”, you continued, taking a turn, making the girl look scared, “You didn’t tell her did you?” “Tell me what?”, she asked anxiously, leaning forward. You fought to keep your straight face on seeing Ten lean forward too, apparently interested in whatever abomination he committed. 
“He’s gay”, you said with as straight a face as possible, which was hard considering the girl looked so embarrassed, you could see her face go red. Your best friend looked at you incredulously, almost as embarrassed as his ‘date’ was, and mildly amused.
“Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’ll be taking him”, you stated, grabbing Ten’s hand and taking him along with you, out of the restaurant and onto the streets.
“You really-” “Ice cream”, you demanded, smirking at his obvious embarrassment. He gaped at your indignance, but nodded, “At least you got me out of there”
“I’m an actress”
“Fuck off”
“Finals are in two weeks, I still come help and this is how to repay me? Ungrateful”
The two of you took Ten’s car to the Ice cream shop, leaning on the hood as you ate your ice cream, with Ten occasionally stealing bites. You smacked his hand away, glaring at his as he tried to take another.
“I’m literally the one paying for it”, he argued.
“This is payment for saving your ass”, you retorted. He slung an arm around you, ignoring you and taking his phone out, scrolling through Instagram. You leaned into him, the scent of your shampoo making its way to him. There was that warm feeling again, and he didn’t like it one bit. 
Deep down, he knew what it was, but he was too much of a coward to ever try, or even take a chance with it, because he wasn’t one for commitment, and even though he had thought about it, he was, as much as he hated to admit it, scared.
“So can I get another scoop?”
“You have assignments to finish”
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THREE WEEKS TO GRADUATION
~
The lilting tune played through your apartment, your fingers running across the ivory keys in fervor. They clicked and clacked ever so often, which was the one thing you hated about keyboards. The keys weren’t as firm as an upright piano, giving the music an annoying clickity noise.
Most of the time, you could ignore it, but today you were tired, and this piece was particularly difficult. For some reason, you were having trouble playing the accessories, and keeping the piece in time. You played that part over and over again, but it wouldn’t work.
You switched off the metronome in annoyance, you stared at the music sheet in front of you, trying to figure out how the fuck you should play the piece. Your door clicked, and you did your best to curb your annoyance at the fact someone was interrupting your practise time, no matter how hard the piece was.
Like all keyboards, yours was smaller than an actual piano, and looked very out of place in your apartment, which was warmly decorated with all sorts of trinkets and such. One of Ten’s sweatshirts was thrown on the sofa, and for some unknown reason there were three candles sitting on your table.
It was confusion incarnate, to say the least.
You heard the door click, and a girl walked in, smiling at you. It was the only other person other than Ten who had the key to your apartment, Angie. She was shorter than you, but only by a little bit, had a fringe and brown eyes. She was pretty, and easy to talk to, which was probably what drew you to her in the first place.
“Hey”, she greeted, seeing you on your keyboard, “Whatcha playin?”
“An andante”, you groaned, “Why are you here?”
“I have nowhere else to be”, he said bluntly, “Renjun’s at Doyoung’s place or something”, she pulled out her phone, “I’m just here to chill dude, continue playing, I finished two projects and my brain in dead”
Renjun was her boyfriend, who was on the Dance Team with Ten. The two were ridiculously cute, but due to the fact she now had a boyfriend, the two of you spent less time together. You were okay with it though, you understood.
“Isn’t Doyoung with his girlfriend?”, you asked, and she shook her head, “No, she’s at her Chinese class”
You nodded, going back to your piece, placing your fingers on the correct notes when-
SLAM
Your door opened and closed again, and you closed your eyes, praying to whatever God existed that one day, you would get to practise without interruptions. Ten trudged through throwing himself on the couch, next to Angie, who paid him no attention. “Hi”, he greeted you, and you glared, causing him to give you a look of confusion.
“What did I do now?”
“Not your fault, sorry, I’m not getting this piece”
He perked up, walking over to where you were, “Can I help?”, he asked, gesturing for you to move to the side of the piano stool so he could sit next to you. He studied the notes, as you looked at him, admiring his side profile, wondering how someone could be so pretty. He placed his hand on the keys, playing it. He made a mistake but in the place you had gotten. He got the part you were struggling right.
“Here, do this”, he explained, “The notes are after the third but before the fourth count, so you have to play it quickly”
You nodded, trying to play it, not quite getting it but it was getting there. He smiled, his eyes turning into crescents as he grinned at you.
You hated his smile.
It was infuriating, the fact that he always helped you, he was always there. You kept finding yourself falling for him more and more, and you didn’t want to, because you knew how Ten was, and it was making the whole ‘telling him about the acceptance into the music school’ a lot harder.
You thanked him, pushing him off the stool playfully so you could finish your practice session before going back to studying. He made a mock offended look, retreating to the couch next to Angie, who was engrossed in texting someone, presumably her boyfriend.
His hair was messed up, sticking up in different directions making him look ridiculously adorable. You shut down the keyboard, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to practice anymore with the both of them around. You went to sit next to Angie, but Ten’s entire presence seemed to be in your way.
“Move”
“No, I’m comfortable” “Chittaphon Leechaiya-”
“Yeah I’d like some chai”, Angie said mindlessly, causing the two of you to look at her in mild astonishment. She seemingly didn’t notice your gaping looks, still scrolling through whatever she was looking at.
“Did you just reduce me to tea?”, Ten asked.
Angie looked at him, mystified. “It seems so”, you mused. A slow smirk stretched across his lips. He propped himself up on his elbows, his too-long hair falling over his eyes
“I’m flattered”
“What?”
“Tea is hot. I’m hot”, he drawled, waiting for the two of your reactions to his statement.
You smacked him.
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It was your designated pizza day, which meant Ten was at your place. He was currently in the kitchen getting something to drink and ordering the pizza while you sat alone in your living room.
You looked up at your laptop screen, going over the draft of the email you were to send back the The Royal School of Music. Your parents had been extremely proud of you for getting in, and had called you the other night to congratulate you. You heard footsteps, quickly shutting your laptop down, looking up at Ten who walked into your living room from the kitchen.
“Pizza will arrive in a bit”, he said, handing you your drink and plopping down next to you, “Movie?”
“Uh Bridge to Terabithia”, you spouted, taking a sip. You were supposed to be looking for a movie while he was gone, but instead had begun writing the email, so you spouted the name of one of your childhood favorites, that never failed to make you cry. He nodded and you opened Netflix, quickly searching the movie and pressing play.
Ten wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder as the two of you sat in silence. The movie played, and even though you had already watched it before, you still found yourself invested in it. Except you weren’t completely focusing. Ten was so close, his fingers brushing against your hips, his breath near your neck. It felt right, like you were supposed to be like this.
That was the thing, it never felt wrong when you were with Ten, it was like you were exactly where you were supposed to be. Except of course for the fact he wasn’t yours. You knew how Ten was, he was the heartbreaker, and you were the one who was always there to pick up the pieces. Still it was nice to pretend that he was yours, because that was all you could do.
Pretend.
He kept talking about how he wanted someone who understood him, who he could be with, not just some stupid fling. He kept repeating the same thing again and again, and it frustrated you to no end, because you understood him and you were right there, but he never saw you. He would flirt with you, he would do everything and yet, he would never even think of you.
You leaned into him subconsciously, biting your lower lip as you stared at the screen in anticipation. He started playing with your hair, twirling it around his fingers, his hot breath on your neck making hard for you to fully concentrate on the movie.
You hated the effect he had on you, he had barely even done anything, but had still managed to make you nervous. He pulled you closer, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Are you even watching?”, you asked, semi breathlessly, “Yes”, he responded, “But I want to cuddle.” You couldn’t argue with that logic, so you relaxed into his embrace, as much as you could. “You’re warm”, he murmured against your skin, looking back up at the screen and humming a random tune. “I’m hungry”
“I think I have some M&M’s on the counter”, you mused, “I’ll go get them”, you jumped at the chance to get up and get away from Ten, who was positively driving you crazy at this point. However, your grand plan was cut short when he refused, “I can go get it”, he made a move to get up.
“Sit down idiot-”, you said, pushing him off you, but accidentally tripped over yourself, falling back into his embrace. He laughed, hands falling to your waist to make sure you didn’t fall. “Graceful”, he snickered, and you glared at him. “I hate you”, you grumbled, “You love me”, he teased, making you almost fall again.
Except this time, his face was dangerously close to yours, and you just stared at him, your mind going blank. His arms were still around you, preventing you from falling. His eyes fluttered down to your lips for a second before he looked back up. He opened his mouth to say something but-
RING
The doorbell rang, startling the two of you out of your trance. You pulled away from Ten, shakily walking over to the door and opening it.
“Pizza?”, the guys asked, handing you the pizza box, “Yeah thanks”, you paid him and walked straight into your kitchen, not giving Ten another look, because you knew that you wouldn’t be able to.
You sighed, shutting your eyes, and trying to collect yourself, before grabbing the M&M’s and walking back into the living room, where Ten was sitting, eyes trained on the screen.
“You missed an entire scene”
“YOU DIDN’T PAUSE IT FOR ME-?”
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The music echoed through the studio, its melody harsh and striking. It was dark, no lights were on, but the mirrors reflected the only person in the room-Ten.
His figure moved with the music, choosing to do whatever it pleased, trying to portray the beautiful piece to its fullest. The higher notes gave it a sort of hopeful effect, a guide. It lead you to believe that it was alright, it was fine. 
The lower notes added depth to the melody, giving it a richer feel. The two played together made it a beautiful piece, with a sort of melancholic feel. He danced to it, telling a story with his body. Ten would do this sometimes, instead of choosing an upbeat song to dance to, he’d take a classical piece, something that he could feel.
There was something in this piece, the Tempest, that resounded within him. It reminded him of you, specifically your friendship with him if you could even call it that. He got that warm feeling again that day when you had almost fallen. He would’ve kissed you if not for the doorbell. 
Ten wasn’t one for commitment, he wasn’t one for standing up first and telling people about his feelings. He played people, he played them like he painted a picture, or danced.
Speaking of which, the piece had suddenly taken a turn for the turbulent, faster-paced, anxious even. It resembled his feelings perfectly, the random urges to tell you, the anxiety for the outcome. He somehow managed to gracefully enact these feelings, making it look like art instead of the confusion he felt.
Maybe he chose this piece not only for himself but for you too.
It was one of your favorite ones to play, you could and would talk about it for days, especially when you had just mastered playing it. It wasn’t an easy piece, with all the nuances and timing changes, but you pulled it off. He could almost pretend it was you playing.
And then suddenly it mellowed down, the piece sounding hopeful as if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and you could finally see it. A solution, a happy ending to the harsh waves of the storm, a merry end. His moves became lighter and almost joyful, as he twirled and jumped.
It was all an illusion.
A lie to make you believe the storm was over, there was no hope for this story. The harsh melody returned with vengeance, striking down the sliver of longing, any dream of making it out. Ten did his best to keep up with it, but the sudden change of emotions was startling even to him. It had changed so quickly, he didn’t even have time to comprehend it.
It ended on a triumphant note, like a proud win over an enemy, a victory that shone above everything. Ten ended the dance with a pirouette, panting as he tried calming himself down from the intense session. He couldn’t help feeling triumphant as well, the adrenaline of the piece getting to him, yet, he was skeptical.
Because he had a feeling it was the Tempest that had triumphed, and not him.
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You’ll admit: you were not having fun with Psych. You had been studying all day, trying to absorb some of the stuff you had been taught throughout the year. Even though studying human behaviour had always intrigued and interested you, the reason you chose Psych, you couldn’t care less about oxytocin and how attraction worked, nor did you care about how human behaviour was affected by it.
But you had been at it for the past 6 hours, and was tired, so when Angie came along and expressed her disgust and sympathy about your studying endeavors, she hauled you up from the place you had been sitting at for most of the day and instructed you to change and get ready to go or a party.
So you found yourself at a frat party, Angie's arm hooked in yours and music blaring all around you. It was hot and dark, and you could barely see anything with the terrible lighting. You couldn’t tell what song was being played at such high volume, but awkwardly swayed to it anyways, wondering if staying at home at falling down the hole of ice cream and Netflix would have been a better alternative to this.
There were couples making out, and random beer cans everywhere. Everyone was half drunk, and you took this as an excuse to go get a drink. You turned to Angie who was looking the other way. 
“Angie”, you whisper-screamed her name into her ear, causing her to jump, “I’m going to get a drink okay?”, you explained, to which she nodded. “I’m going to Renjun”, she said, walking away and leaving you alone.
Friendship.
You pushed through the crowd of sweaty adults, to get to the makeshift bar that was at the other end of the frat. You stopped occasionally to greet friends, or smile at a random cute boy, but finally made it to the kitchen. Johnny, one of your other friends stood there, inclining his head in a greeting. “Hey, what do you want?” “Are you in charge of the drinks or something?”, you asked, leaning on the island of the kitchen. He grinned at you, shaking his head, “No, but I’m so much I might as well be!”
You laughed, requesting for your drink of choice, which he went to fix for you. You licked your lips, scanning the area to find another friend to latch onto, since Angie had so kindly abandoned you.
“Didn’t think I’d see you here”, a very familiar voice said form behind you, and you turned to see none other than your best friend.
But he looked nothing like what you were used to.
Ten’s hair was slicked back instead of splayed out on his forehead like usual, his eyes seemed darker, probably due to the alcohol. He was wearing skinny jeans, and a blazer with most of the buttons undone, his chest in full view.
Ten looked hot.
“Uh-”, you started like the well read person you were, “Angie dragged me”
He smirked, “Of course she did”, he took a seat on one of the stools, legs spreading as he leaned back. You looked away, trying your hardest not to stare at the boy in front of you, who was making that mission increasingly harder with every little thing he did.
Johnny came back out, offering you a smile and your drink, which you took from him, returning his smile. He handed a glass of something you couldn’t make out to Ten, who took a sip, keeping it on the island. “You don’t seem to be having fun”, he observed, hands finding your waist and pulling you closer to him.
This was a normal thing, but this time it felt different. It wasn’t the same innocent gesture. “I just arrived idiot”, you scoffed. He smirked, “You can look at me you know”, he teased, and you could feel the heat rush to your face. You turned your gaze to him. Currently you were in between his legs, and your mind was a mess.
The first thing you noticed was his tattoo on his right arm which you had seen before. The next was one you hadn't seen before, and rightly so, since it was on his chest.
“Done staring at me?”, he said with a smirk, and your eyes snapped up to his, holding his gaze. If you hated the effect his eyes had on you before, you positively despised them now. He was staring at you through a half lidded gaze, licking his lips. Even without any alcohol in your system you felt dizzy, but not a sick way. Ten was driving you crazy, with his hands on your waist, eyes on you and just everything about him in the moment.
“You’re pretty”, he murmured, looking up at you, eyes falling to your lips, “Did you know that?”, his voice was deeper than usual, sending shivers down your spine. “I-”
“Hmm?”, he sounded absent minded, like he wasn’t even listening to you, which was great considering you didn’t even know what to say. He pushed you a little, standing up himself, now looking down.
“If you didn’t know, I think you are”, he said, face closer than any friend’s face should have been. You breath hitched in anticipation. “Ten?”, your voice was small, quivering almost under his gaze.
He was so close, painfully close. If anyone asked you how you got into this position in the first place, you wouldn’t be able to explain, not quite knowing yourself. 
“Y/n, I need you for a second”, Angie appeared from nowhere, freezing when she saw the two of you in that position, “Um- I can leave-”
“Hey Ang”, Ten greeted, moving away from you. You missed the proximity, as much as you hated to admit it. You blinked hazily at your friend who had so conveniently interrupted whatever you had going on with Ten. You silently cursed yourself for getting so out of it. “Here, I think Arya is calling me anyways so”, he pushed his hands in his jeans pockets. He glanced at you, before walking away and out of the kitchen.
Would he have kissed you?
You looked over at your friend, who was still staring at you like she had seen a ghost. “Did I interrupt something?”, she asked, eyes wide. You felt embarrassed, taking a step back as if you were trying to walk out of the whole situation. “I’m not sure”, you said, “What do you need me for?”
“I need you to hold my drink, I need to go to the bathroom, Renjun is drunk as fuck and I trust you”, she explained, handing you her glass. You nodded, “And maybe can you watch my dumbass of a boyfriend please?”
You snorted, agreeing and walking to the main area of the party that was unfortunately the most crowded. You spotted Renjun on top of Donghyuck, practically choking the latter boy who was laughing for some reason. You could see why Angie went to you for her drink. Walking over, you tried to help Mark, another one of your friends, in separating Renjun and Donghyuck from initiating the 77th hunger games on a friday night.
After somewhat succeeding in pulling the two away from each other, Angie had arrived, choosing to ignore her wasted boyfriends antics and taking her glass back from you. 
You remembered you had left your own drink back in the kitchen, and so you backtracked your steps to said place, when you saw it.
Ten was standing with a girl, her hands around his neck. He was saying something that made her giggle, throwing her head back in laughter as he grinned happily. You froze watching the scene unbeknownst to Ten. You didn’t know what you were feeling for an entire minute until it hit you.
You were hurt.
It was a pricking sort of feeling, like a rod prodding at your heart. It was like a warning, telling you to look away before it pierced your heart, but you couldn’t look away for some reason. It was like your mind was mocking you, telling you keep watching, to realize you never had the slightest chance with Ten.
You weren’t special, whatever flirting he did with you he did to everyone, anything that had remotely happened wasn’t even mentionable, because you were like every other girl in the crowd, and it fucking hurt. It hurt to see the boy you loved not give you a moment's thought, not even give you a chance.
That night you went back to your apartment alone, leaving Angie to deal with her boyfriend. You had never felt this horrible before, it had never escalated to this level of hurt. This type of hurt was different, a dull ache reminding you of what an idiot you were to have ever hoped for more.
You hated Ten for several things, his eyes, his smile, the way he could make you giddy by doing the simplest things. But in the moment, you hated yourself more.
You hated yourself for loving Ten Lee.
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‘Don’t call me kid, Don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you’ve made me. You showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else’
~
You sat on a colourful rug, holding a book up, and surrounded by several other books. You were in a sort of greenhouse, the walls and roof were made completely off glass, and the light streamed through, giving the scene a sort of whimsical aura.
This was the place ten has chosen to paint you, standing behind his easel and and focusing on the canvas, occasionally looking up at you. There were flecks of white and pale blue paint on his face, and he looked whimsical in a way as well.
You sat there, ignoring the warnings in your mind that told you to stay away from Ten for yourself, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You showed up to the venue right on time, and did your best to not seem any different. You spaced out, eyes focusing on a random word on a page. Ten had promised he was almost done with it, since the two of you had been at it for quite a while now.
His lower lip was caught between his teeth in concentration, hair messed up from the amount of times he had run his hand through it. He stepped back for a second, inspecting his work, a dorky smile stretching out on his lips.
“It’s done!”, he said, “Some fixing, but I can do that later, get your ass here!”
You get to your feet, placing the book on one of the piles of them around you and walking towards him, biting down your own smile at this enthusiasm. You walked behind the easel, your eyes falling on the painting.
It was gorgeous, the colours complimenting each other. The depiction of the light rays was so soft, yet it was there shining down on the main part of the picture- you. He had painted you so prettily, almost fairy like in the midst of the scene. You stared at the painting in awe, unable to think of words to describe it.
“So?”, he asked hopefully, his eyes searching yours for some sort of reaction. You looked at him, then at the painting, then back at him, wondering how he could’ve made it look so fanciful, something out of a disney movie.
“It’s beautiful”, you whispered, your voice not daring to go any louder. He smiled placing his palette down and standing next to you. “It’s not hard when the subject is beautiful”, he said nonchalantly. You froze, silently telling yourself to calm down, to not react to it, that it wasn’t anything to be noted. Yet something in you clicked, shifted into place.
You were angry.
You were furious at Ten, with his pretty smiles and wishful eyes. You hated it when he flirted with you, because he kept leading you on, you hated it when he looked at you like you were the world, because it was a lie, it was all a fucking lie.
“Don’t”, you said, voice shaky. He stared at you in confusion, which only irked you more.
“Don’t”, your voice betrayed you, breaking. He looked alarmed, reaching his hand out, “Hey, Are you okay-”
“No, I’m not okay”, you hissed, slapping his hand away, stepping back. Your mind was clouded with a feeling of helplessness, helplessness at not being able to tell him how you felt, how you hated what he did, how all you wanted was something you definitely couldn’t have. He looked bewildered at your seemingly sudden outburst.
“Stop fucking playing with me”, you said, “I’m not this”, you searched for the words, coming back with nothing, “Stop complimenting me, calling me sweet nothings, making me believe-”, you sucked in a breath, feeling the tears build up in your eyes, years of pent up frustration finally making their way out of you. 
You looked up at him, he still seemed to not be following, “Y/n, I don’t-”
“I’m in love with you”, you choked out finally, the words seeming to tie you down, rather than set you free like you had once hoped. “I’m in love with you”, you repeated, Ten could hear the rage in your voice, washing down on him like the waves of the Tempest, harsh and real. “And I hate myself for it”
Your voice was softer, much more mellow now, like it was tired. A single tear trickled down your face, and you looked up to see a stunned Ten, eyes wide at your state. He said nothing, instead just looked at you, as if you were a different person all of a sudden. It wasn’t a pretty sight, you crying and him standing there like a statue, not a word escaping his lips. 
The air seemed to be colder all of a sudden, biting into the exposed areas of your skin. There was that aching feeling again, that pricking of your heart, the silent ‘i told you so’, that your mind seemed to be playing on repeat. You brushed the tears away from your face furiously, feeling stupid all of a sudden. 
“I’m going to go”, you muttered, grabbing your things and walking out, not caring if you looked idiotic, and not staying to listen to any pathetic response he gave you. 
Ten watched you leave, cursing himself for being such an idiot to you. He didn’t mean to hurt you, he was in love with you himself, but he would never admit it. He hated himself for it, because he knew what he had done. He had flirted with you, had played you, but it was only because he thought the two of you never had a chance. 
He hated himself because it was him, after all this time, who had destroyed that chance.
You sat in front of your computer, back at your apartment, trying not to cry again as you stared at the screen, fingers hovering over the send button. It hurt much worse than you expected it to, his silence had made everything all the worse. But you were tired of him going back and forth. You were tired of having to pick up the pieces every time when he broke another girls heart, or someone else broke his.
You had nothing to lose this time. So alone, in your room you pressed send, signing of your future, sending the email to The Royal School of Music.
Alone.
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Finals week passed in a blur of stress crying, all nighters and excessive reading of things that you had read a million times before, and if they hadn’t already gotten into your head, they would never. Which prompted the stress crying.
It was a vicious cycle.
You barely stepped out of your apartment, other than to actually take the exam. All your time was taken up in studying, occasionally eating, and studying again. You also didn’t see Ten that much, other than a glimpse, but immediately swerved away, not in any mood to deal with that confrontation as of yet.
Somehow, you managed to make it to the end of the week, without completely going mad. You made it out of finals, and was technically done with your college career altogether, which was crazy to even think of. You had spent the last four years of your life in this hellhole to get to where you were, and you had made it.
So seeing yourself in front of the mirror a week later, donning your cape and cap over your clothes, you smiled for the first time in two weeks. It was the day you finally graduated and went out into the world as a person with a degree. 
Granted, you were slightly pissed at the fact you had spent four years, and paid an enormous amount of money for a sheet of paper, but at the moment, you couldn’t get the fact that you were finally done with it out of your head. You were happy.
The ceremony started off slowly, the principal calling the names of the students in alphabetical order. You saw Ten walk up and take his degree, a broad smile on his lips. You saw Angie take hers, almost tripping over her cape, earning a laugh from the principal, and fond looks all about. You saw Renjun and Donghyuck hugging instead of at each other's throats for once, and Mark randomly beat boxing for no reason.
You went up on the stage, taking the degree and smiling, realizing that your vision was hazy. Tears of happiness had made their way to your eyes, and you blinked them back, thanking the principal and smiling at the crowd. You walked off, going to stand with your little group of friends.
Later on, Angie went off with her boyfriend for a celebratory date, Renjun and Donghyuck decided to crash at Marks place, and you? You decided to walk through the campus one last time, before you never returned. You were done with college and this place wasn’t yours anymore. It held a sort of nostalgic feel all of a sudden, walking under the arches and admiring the architecture one last time.
You were holding your cap in your hand, after finding it on the ground somewhere after the throwing of them. Your cape was folded and hung from your arm as you walked through, deciding to go get some coffee after you were done.
Lost in your own thoughts, you bumped into someone, dropping the cap., “Sorry-”, you begun you apologize for your absent mindedness, crouching to pick up your cap when you saw the person you had run into.
Ten.
You silently scowled, cursing whatever above that had thrown the two of you together at the very moment, and cleared your throat uncomfortably, looking away. “Hey”, he said breathlessly, looking you up and down. He looked great, he always did, you couldn’t deny the fact no matter how much you were trying to hate him.
“Hi”, you said curtly, “I have to go”
“Wait”, he reached out, grabbing your hand, “Can we talk?”, his voice was tilting towards the hopeful side. It reminded you of your own foolish hope, and you didn’t like it one bit. “No”, you said, “I have to go”, you repeated for words, crushing any hope.
“No- Wait, please, Y/n let me explain”, he pleaded his case, his eyes striking through yours, stirring up some sort of sympathy. Your mind was telling you to go, to get out as fast as possible, but your heart softened, as it always did with him.
“Explain what?”, you chuckled bitterly, “You’ve made it pretty clear how you feel Ten. I was stupid”, your words were hurting yourself, but hurting him too, because he knew it wasn’t your fault.
“No Y/n, you-”
“I what?”, you hissed in question. He spluttered, discouraged by your disinterest in whatever he was trying to tell you. You wanted nothing more to get away from him in that moment, but he seemed to want to stretch out your time together as much as possible. It annoyed you, and made you sad at the same time.
The more time you were with him, the more you could feel your heart break.
“I love you”, he said quietly, “I know I’m a terrible person for leading you on and not realizing earlier, but I love you.” You froze, standing there and staring at him. He looked back, not daring to break your gaze. Instead of joy, which was what you had expected to feel if he ever uttered those words, you felt angrier.
“Please Y/n”, he said, “Just give me a chance?”
You stayed silent, contemplating your choices. “How long have we been friends?”
“What-”
“How long have we known each other Ten?”
“Four years, but I don’t see-”
“We have been friends for four fucking years. I was there for every heartbreak, every date, every girl. I stood on the sidelines, I listened to you, I have you advice when you needed it, I comforted you when you cried. But you? You never gave me a chance!”, you exclaimed, “Not a second glance, not a single chance.”
He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, taking in your words and trying to think of something to justify them, but he couldn’t, he knew you were right.
“So yes”, you voice quivered, “You are an idiot. You’re an idiot for never realizing my feelings when i made it PAINFULLY obvious”, you took steps back, trying to calm yourself.
“I can't believe I”, you scoffed at yourself, your own idiocy, “I can’t believe that three out of four years I was in love with you, but I guess that’s what makes me the dumb bitch.” You looked away, the words you had wanted to say since forever finally out of your system. He stood there, just a few steps away from you. But then, why did it seem like he was miles away?
“I’m sorry”, he said weakly, “I hate myself for what I did, but Y/n I”, he paused, shutting his eyes in frustration, “I’m in love with you dammit, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve put you through but, can we-”
“No”, you said, “We can’t”
“Y/n give us a chance, please”
“You don’t understand!”, you said almost feverishly, blinking back tears, “I can’t Ten”
“Why not?”, he asked, walking closer to you. You took a step back from him, looking at the boy you loved with remorseful eyes. “I’m leaving Ten. I’m leaving for a music school in another country.”
He blanched, any hope withering away, like a dead flower, dried with the summer heat, like a lone boat in the midst of a storm. You let out a pathetic sob, realizing that you couldn’t ever have Ten, no matter what.
“I’ll be gone before we could ever be”
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The world was never fair. It came at you with things you wished never happened, you wished you could change, or would have handled better. Like a storm on an unsuspecting sailor, it’s waves crashed down on you, and you were unable to breathe.
Life was the tempest, with it’s harsh tremors, it’s sudden soft waves that lead you to believe things were going to be okay. It’s highs and it’s lows, the good times and the bad. You found it ironic, the fact you were playing your favorite piece of all time, and it reminded you of reality.
You had always viewed music as an escape from reality, but now you were starting to connect the two, using music to let both the worlds connect. Your fingers flew across the keys, the climactic melody thundering through your apartment.
Finishing the piece, you let out a sigh, taking the music sheets and placing them back in your folder. Shutting the keyboard down, you cleared up a bit, settling down on your couch. Cracking your knuckles, you pulled out your phone to mindlessly scroll through Instagram as one did to pass time.
You seemed to do that often, now that you were officially done with college and had a bit of time before you left for The Royal School of Music, approximately three weeks, you honestly had nothing else to do with your time.
And so, you indulged in the world of reels and other videos that didn’t necessarily add anything of worth to your being. Time seemed to trickle by slowly, much slower than you would have liked. 
Your flight to the country in which the school was in had already been booked, your registration had been completed, and you had even found an apartment to rent over there. Some of your belongings had already been sent for shipping, leaving you with the bare minimum. You had even sold some stuff, because cross country shipping was expensive, and you had gathered quite a few things over your four years staying in your college area that you definitely didn’t need.
It seemed as if everything was set, you were ready to leave everything behind.
Your doorbell rang, it's obnoxious ringing sound making you wince out of annoyance. You got up from your spot on the couch reluctantly, and walked over to the door to open it.
You were met with a slightly disheveled looking Ten on the other side, hair slightly messy. It had been yet another week since you had seen him, not have been in contact since graduation day, and suddenly here he was at your doorstep. Before you could even say anything, he pushed his hand out, thrusting a pizza box in your face.
“I know you don’t want to see me, and I don’t blame you but”, he took a deep breath, “You’re going, and it sucks, but I’m happy for you, so i brought pizza, for old times sake?”
You blinked in surprise, your hands on their own accord and taking the box. As if he could sense you were skeptical, he rambled on, “Just a movie and pizza, then I’ll leave I promise.” Everything inside you screamed at you to say no, but the words left you before you could even comprehend your mind's thoughts.
“Okay”
You opened the door more, walking back into your apartment, opening the box and taking your laptop to search for a movie. He closed the door after himself, taking a seat beside you on the couch, but not touching you. It was like there was a wall in between the two of you, and you couldn’t break it down.
You weren’t sure if you wanted to.
“There’s a new season of His Dark Materials”, you thought aloud, “We could binge that.”
It was so easy, being with Ten. Like falling back into a routine you had missed, a habit that had been cultivated. It was natural, him by your side, eating pizza and searching for a movie or series to binge. It was a tradition for the two of you after all, and even though you had stayed away from Ten for your own heart, it felt so good to do this again. You had missed it.
“Sure”, he agreed, taking a slice of the pizza, the stringy cheese not breaking, “We may need plates.”
You shook your head at his comical state, placing your laptop down and walking into your kitchen, opening the topmost cupboard to get the plates down, when you realized you couldn’t reach it. Now usually, you would just get a stool or something to climb on top off, but that would mean going back out there and admitting to Ten that you were short.
That was not acceptable.
Of course any grand plans of somehow getting the plates down without Ten knowing had been thrown out the window when he himself walked into the kitchen, “Are you making the plates or something? What’s taking so long?”
He spotted you, hands stretching up, leaning over the counter. Ten smirked, walking over and taking the plates down himself, “Someone’s short”, he snickered, to which you glared, “You’re short too dumbass.”
“You’re shorter”, he teased, taking the second plate down. He was standing in front of you, directly facing you as he placed the second plate of the counter top. You stared indignantly at him, and he caught your gaze, holding it. It was the same Ten you had known since you entered your campus, the same Ten you met at that party.
The same Ten you were in love with.
His eyes shifted from yours to your lips, realizing how close the two of you were. His hand raised up to your face cupping it. You subconsciously leaned into his touch, eyes wide, waiting for him to do something, anything.
His eyes searched yours for an answer, some sort of indication that he could go ahead. You knew that nothing good would come from this, but you couldn't help but nod your head a little too fast, and fisting the end of his shirt in anticipation.
He kissed you. 
His lips moved against yours softly, hesitantly, like they were scared you would disappear if he went any faster. It was nothing like you had ever imagined (believe me, you had imagined), but it was better. It was like a culmination of wanting had been poured into the kiss, and you didn’t want it to stop.
You could’ve sworn time had stopped when he kissed you, the world around you seeming to fade away. You could feel your knees going weak with the overwhelming feeling, the flutter in your stomach growing. If you hadn’t been holding onto the end of his shirt so hard, you would have collapsed into him.
“I’m sorry”, he whispered against your lips, pulling away, cupping your face, “I know I’m an idiot”, he confessed, and you resist the urge to agree, “I know I’m an idiot but,”, he stopped again, resting his forehead against yours. “One night”, he whispered, voice shaky now, “Will you be mine for just one night?”
There was something fragile in his voice, like he was afraid of your answer. You looked up, looking at those eyes you hated, but loved at the same time. You silently agreed, pressing your lips to his again, kissing him once more. His hands dropped down to your waist, your hands wrapped around his neck as you stole another long awaited kiss from him.
The plates were long forgotten about, instead the two of you stumbled back into the living room, hands not leaving each other. The back of his knees hit the couch, and he sat down, taking you with him. You sat on top of him, breathing heavily. 
He pressed his lips to your forehead affectionately as you leaned into Ten, not ever wanting the moment to end. “I’m tired”, you whispered, all the years of pining and wishing he was yours suddenly weighing you down. 
“I know”
“This isn’t going to end well is it?”
“I don’t know”, he mused, rubbing your back comfortingly. You looked at him once again, like you had done many times before, except this time he was yours, for how long? You didn’t know. You didn’t want the night to end, the prospect of losing him again already making your stomach pit.
“I love you”, he said, and you didn’t say it back. You didn’t have too, you had said it many times already, you had told him. Instead you kissed him again, getting drunk on him. 
The rest of the night was spent this way,lazily kissing, cuddling, and eating pizza straight out of the box since neither of you wanted to get up again. Ten held you like you were the world, and wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into the crook of his neck. The two of you forgot about the serial you were supposed to binge as well, too caught up with each other to even care.
He told you about how he got scouted for dancing by an entertainment company, you filled him in about The Royal School of Music, about how you were so glad College was over even though you would miss it. He made you laugh with his stupid jokes, and it felt like it had always been. Somewhere along the line, the two of you fell asleep in the dead of the night, or almost morning, tangled up in each others arms, happy.
You woke up on your couch alone, your apartment lonely and silent. You looked around sleepily, your eyes catching a glimpse of the clock on your wall, which told you it was already noon. You pulled your knees to your chest, feeling out of place. Something was missing.
Ten.
Ten was gone, nowhere to be seen. You tried thinking back, wondering why he was gone, until you realized - one night was over. Like he had promised, he was gone, not yours anymore, and you weren’t his. You shivered, realizing that there wasn’t any blankets or anything on the couch, yet you couldn't seem to get up.
It hurt. You wanted to cry and scream, the realization that he was gone, before you could even fully have him sinking it. It felt so unfair, the fact that you could never really ever have Ten, someone you had loved for four fucking years, for more than a night.
You took in a shaky breath, looking to the end of the sofa, which is when you saw it. It was Ten’s painting, the one of you in the greenhouse, supposedly reading the books. On the top a sticky note read ‘The Tempest’. You brushed your finger over the painting, taking it in. He had left it here for you, and it was the one thing you had of him. At the bottom, it was signed in his handwriting.
‘10’.
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“널 다시 만나면 네 손을 잡고 말해줄 텐데 I will never let you go”
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fin.
859 notes · View notes
wolfish-trickster · 4 years ago
Text
Young Oak Sapling
Part 2 to this (I seriously need to stop writing accidental multichapter fics...)
Loki x female!reader
Word count: 1,7K
Warnings: typos (as always), angst, fluff (it's there, I promise!)
Tag list: @gaitwae @lucywrites02 @hard-to-be-the-bard @birdgirl90 @laramoonworld @forevernthensome @kozkaboi
A/N: this is really messy, i'm sorry
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'You have always been like a little sister I always wanted. I'm so sorry, we can still be friends'
For some unknown reason he kept having dreams about that one evening. 'Dreams,' he would scoff, 'more like nightmares.' They always end horribly. Either with you never talking to him again out of shame or him delivering those lines not so gently.
Loki couldn't understand why he kept dreaming about it. About her. How the light in her eyes slowly died when he told her. He told her the truth, right? It was the right thing to do, right?
*
She was hanging out with that soldier again. Loki's mouth twisted into disgusted grimace when he spot how he put his arm around her shoulders, how she held the single dandelion he gave her. A dandelion? Please, he couldn't really fall that low to give a lady some common weed, could he? A lady with such charm and class like Y/N deserves a dozen roses for every day she blessed this world with her smile and laugh.
Loki's eyes widened. Why was he thinking of her like that so suddenly? He never thought of her like that before. No. She's just a friend. Like his little sister. That's what he told her. She believed him. Now he has to believe it himself.
*
Sudden rain drove Loki away from his new favourite sitting spot in the corner of the garden. The oak stump. If only he kept a part of the tree. A twig or a leaf. He would've carried it around like a talisman. Or acorn, so he could grow another oak, even though it wouldn't be the same one.
His mind was on autopilot, he didn't even realize his legs carried him to your bedroom door. He stood there like a statue. Listening for any sounds. For any voices. He heard nothing. You must be somewhere else. That realization made him even more anxious. You could be with that soldier again. He can't have that.
He walked to only place he could always find you: library. As he wanted to open the heavy door you ran into him, colliding into his chest.
"Sorry-" your relax expression changed when you looked up into his eyes
"Hi," he smiled softly.
"Hello," you greeted, but without a smile. You tried to walk by him when he stopped you with his hand on your shoulder.
"Why are you running away from me?"
"I'm not. It's just.... this," you gestured between him and you, "it's awkward."
"Oh, so you avoid me, your oldest friend, and spend your entire day with Hofferson then," Loki crossed his arms on his chest.
"Aren't you supposed to be on a date or something?" you pushed yourself pass him, poison in your voice.
"Aren't you supposed to spend some time with me too?"
"I can't Loki. I'm trying to get rid of all of my feelings for you! I can't be near you if I want it to work!" you nearly screamed in his face.
Those words hurt Loki more than he thought. "Getting rid of ALL feelings? So you're trying to hate me then."
"No! Understand that I can't be friends with someone I love!"
"Platonic love exists too, you know," Loki remarked.
You rolled your eyes. "Whatever. I don't want to argue with you anymore, I'm going."
"Where?" he asked as you escaped him.
"To someone that cares about me, and not just platonicly!" you shouted behind your back and ran.
*
He hasn't had a word or a single alone time with you since then. You were always near that soldier, always talking to him, hugging him, hanging on his arm all the time.
Loki felt nausea whenever he saw Y/N with anyone but him. He wasn't used to seeing Y/N with other men, she was always near him. He missed her. Her laugh, her smile, her hugs. Everything.
No matter how many girls or boys he came across on streets, none of them could ever take your place. None of them smiled as brightly or as truly as you always did. Even when he was telling you about anyone he was interested in, you still smiled and wished him well with the person. You wanted him to be happy, even if it hurt you.
So why can't he do the same? Be happy you're with someone who will love you? Instead he grits his teeth whenever he sees the two of you together. Why does he want you all to himself? Why the thought of you being with someone else makes him throw up?
Loki sighed and held his head in his hands. It is true what they say. You'll realize you love somebody only after you lose them.
*
He felt like a coward. Standing in front of your bedroom door, with heart anxiously pounding in his chest.
Loki took a deep breath and knocked. No one answered. You must be out again. With him.
He shook the thought away and opened the door. If anything, he'll at least be able to give you a message without having to look into your eyes. While he was looking for a piece of paper and a pen around your room he noticed a new pot on your windowsill. It was brown and smaller than the rest with a single tiny green sprout sticking from the dirt.
Loki took the pot in his hand, it was small enough to fit into his palm. He smiled. It was so tiny and fragile. He wondered what kind of plant it was.
Before he could use one of the runes to find out a door creaked open behind him. "What are you doing here?" you asked. He was so startled by you catching him he couldn't even deduce if you were angry or surprised to see him.
"I-I wanted to talk to you," he turned towards you.
You looked at his hand. "Why are you holding it? Put it back, you might break it!" before he could even move you rushed to him, took the pot from his hand and held it close to your chest. Could one be jealous when a plant gets a cuddle but her oldest friend doesn't? Apparently Loki could.
"What do you want to talk about? If it's some noble lady I don't want to hear it," you turned your head away from him.
Loki shook his head. "No, it's not a lady."
"Some son of a sailor then?"
"No, I came here to tell you something."
You turned your head back to him. "And what is that?"
Loki took a deep breath. It's now or never. "I came to a realization. And not just a common one. I didn't think my life could be so lonely without you in it. Every single day I've missed you, longed to spend time with you again. Laugh with you. It pained me to see that Hofferson boy with you. Ever since I saw the two of you in the stables I wanted to rip you away from him. Just like I every boy you got close to in our childhood. For a long time I couldn't understand why I wanted you all to myself and no other man. But now I do. It's because I love you. Romantically. Just like you love me," he didn't look away from you. He didn't dare.
You shook your head in disapointment. "You're so selfish, Loki."
He didn't expect that answer. It was far away from anything he was expecting. All blood left his face. "Well, that's what love makes out of person. It makes them selfish, possesive."
"So how come I could let you go after your monthly interests without complaining like you did?"
Loki froze. "Y-you're apparently a better person than me," he picked on his palm.
You hummed. "So...what now?"
Loki took your lack of emotions as a rejection. He concluded he traded places with you. Now you were the one without romantic feelings and he was the one being rejected.
He couldn't keep looking at the love of his life rejecting him. He studied the pot in her hamds instead. "Now? I guess I will have to find a spell to erase all romantic feelings I have for you and wish you all the best with Hoffer-I mean Arne," he thanked all heavens above for his training that didn't let him fall apart in front of you.
You looked at him, fear in your eyes." Why would you do that?"
Loki laughed. It was a bitter one, filled with sadness. "Because you don't love me anymore."
"That's not true," you whispered.
Loki's head snapped up. "What?"
"I-I said that's not true. I never stopped, no matter how much I tried. I even saved a little part of our tree," you said softly and caressed the little sprout.
"That's from the old oak?"
You nodded. "For some reason I couldn't just cut it down and erase its whole existence."
Now Loki knows what it means when a stone falls from someone's heart. "So, that means you still love me?" he asked hopefully.
You nodded. "And you love me too?"
"Of course my love. Can we please start over again?"
"I would love to," you blessed him with your kindest, purest smile.
"Can I kiss you?" he asked a little too excited.
"No," his heart fell to the floor, "you have to kiss me."
Loki sighed from relief. He walked over to you and cupped your cheeks. From up close your eyes were even more beautiful than he noticed the first time he kissed you. He reminded himself to tell you everyday from now on.
And just like that, the history repeated itself. Loki gently placed his lips on yours in a loving kiss. Your head spinned once again just like so many years ago. And one oak tree witnessed it all.
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tinyyoungblood · 4 years ago
Text
amour d’été | tom holland
summary: every summer, you and your family reside in the french countryside, where your days are usually spent sunbathing and watching the flies whirr aimlessly, but this year, you find yourself falling for the charismatic, handsome stranger from england. tom quickly becomes your secret amour d’été, your summer love, but when it comes down to it, one problem remains—you’re old money and he is just a guy that loves as wildly as he lives.
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pairing: tom holland x rich!reader
warning: angst
word count: 1.4k
song: old money by lana del rey
a/n: tbh this concept could’ve easily been 20k words, but i just really felt like writing the heartbreak part, because it’s valentine’s day and what else is there to do lmao i hope you enjoy it anyway x
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“It scares me what I’m willing to do for you.”
The silence that followed was as heavy as the sun beating down on you. Your knuckles turned white as you gripped the ropes just a little harder. Your shoes found footing on the ground to stop the swing from moving, but you kept your eyes on the wide field ahead, squinting to readjust to the unbearable heat and light. Behind you, footsteps drew closer.
“It scares me what I’m willing to do for you,” Tom repeated, “when I know that you would never return the favour.” He stepped to your side. His gaze was fixed on the sky, his shoulders were caving in just a little and if it weren’t for a summer full of stolen glances, you wouldn’t have noticed his change of posture. You wanted to dwell on it, ponder about it, tear the observation to shreds, but instead, you wondered how he was able to stare at the sky without blinding himself. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear birds, and perhaps they were singing to celebrate such wonderful weather, or they were whining about the godforsaken heat, whatever the case may be, you were glad for another thought.
But then Tom stepped in front of you, holding out his hand, and he had once more pushed himself to the front of your mind. “Come with me to London,” he pleaded. “Come with me and see for yourself what I’m willing to do for you.”
You eyed his palm for a long second and then swatted it away, pushing yourself off the swing to walk over to the flower beds. “You’re being ridiculous if you think I’d be foolish enough to play into the irony of that.” You held up your hand to block out the sunlight, wincing as you were now basking in it fully while Tom was still standing in the shade of the trees. For miles ahead, there was no one around.
“Oh, don’t you think I know who of the both of us is being foolish? You’ve made me so miserable, Y/N. It is me who is the fool.” You turned to face him. He was looking around, his attention never staying on one thing for too long, whether it was the flower beds, the birds, the trees, the sky. “I've been up every night this week, agonising. I've entirely fallen in love with you.”
“And you think that makes you a fool?” You weren’t sure if the response was something you wanted to hear, but the burning sun had made your mind sluggish, a place of complete disorientation. You didn’t even notice that Tom had abandoned his spot in the shades and was now standing right in front of you. 
He shook his head, hands still stuffed in his pockets. “If loving you means to be a fool, then I am glad to be one.” You wanted to scoff, wanted to snap at him, but it was such a typical thing of him to say that against your better judgement, you tipped your head back and let out a humourless laugh. 
“Always the poet,” you said sharply and paced around, needing to suppress your heart as it thundered away in your chest. There was a good distance between you now and the farther you walked, the more your heart roared in protest. But then, you picked up hurried footsteps, and you found yourself feeling as relieved as you felt betrayed.
“If yearning to be loved by you means to be a fool, then I am glad to be one. Y/N, don’t you understand? I’m in love with you.” He reached out to hold your elbow, but you shook him off. His touch was suddenly burning, worse than the heat surrounding you.
“Stop it,” you mumbled and continued walking. “I’m not saying yes.”
“We will deal with your family. It will be all right. Just say yes. Please. Say yes. For us.”
You didn’t bother to slow down. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. Tom caught up with you and forced you to a halt as he stepped in your way. This time you didn’t shake off his touch.
“Don’t…”
You stared at the grass, folding your arms while he was holding them, running his hand up and down your skin. Hooking a finger under your chin, he gently tilted your head to meet his gaze. His eyes darted back and forth, and you felt your legs trembling. “Come with me to London. Come with me, and I promise I’ll love you forever if you'll allow me to do it. Say the word and I’m yours forever.”
“No!” You yelled. “Stop it—stop it already! That’s such an awful, awful thing to ask me. You are absolutely insufferable.” Before you could check yourself, you were jabbing his chest with your finger. Then you lowered your hand and shook your head. Your voice fell into a hopeless whisper
“You know I’d never refuse anything you asked of me.”
He blinked and dropped his hand as well. “Then what is it, mon cœur?”
Mon cœur. Hearing it hurt more than you could admit. “Do you think it's fair that I've spent every day this summer in your arms only for me to find out that you’re already promised to someone else? That I would just pack and leave to follow you wherever you go? Do you think it’s fair to ask my family to allow this? Not that they ever would. This is ridiculous.”
“No, Y/N.” He approached you again, voice shaken. “Listen to me. I don’t care about anyone else, you’re all that matters to me. That one night under the stars, I dared you to disappear with me and you said ‘always’. Nothing has changed.” 
You scoffed. “You didn’t mean that. It was a stupid dare, nothing more.” His brows snapped together and you remarked how you had never seen him like this before as his face flushed with anger.
“Am I not yearning after you now? Can’t you see me? I am practically on my knees! I’m in love with you. I’m entirely, absolutely in love with you. When has that ceased to be enough for you!”
You almost yelled back to match his anger, but instead, your voice fell into a murderous whisper. “How many times have you fallen in love this year, Tom?”
Tom seemed to hate that question. His expression darkened and he looked away.
"How many times?" You insisted.
He clicked his tongue, his gaze now fixed on the grass. "Five."
"Don't ask me that again,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself even though all it did was make you hotter. "Don't bring it up to anyone else, either. It'll only cause trouble." And it would, of course, it would. Tom was loved in the same way he was hated, and he was disciplined in the same way he was wild, and there was no way your family would ever accept someone as unpredictable as him. There was no way you could ever accept someone as fleeting as he was. 
“Where are you going?” You asked as he walked away.
He glanced back at you, his eyes entirely vacant but also entirely full. “To be foolish for the both of us.”
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:,) bye felicia
i can’t believe it didn’t end in fluff, it just feels wrong. i have like 20 other fics that make up for it though, so i really hope i didn’t bum anyone out on their valentine’s day. tbh i don’t even know in what time this is supposed to take place lmao, but let me know what you think! stay hydrated, guys <3
💌 masterlist 
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