#Me scared confused and lost: What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

[svnflowerkae]

How LADS boys reacts to Caleb's return

So...first time ever doing this type of thing and since I can't sleep and my mind keeps me on thinking about this...here we go! Also sorry if thare are typos/errors.

tw: MC can be read as reader, gn!reader, angsty, comfort, they boys are MAD (esp Zayne), mention of death, grieving, time skip (based on the story events).

Sylus has been worried all day about you. He knew something off but he never insisted on letting you talk before you were sure. You've been pacing in his living room for awhile, your phone in your hands. You couldn't believe that the Official Linkon City Hall contacted you to confirm that Grandma and Caleb were officially dead. You whole life was falling about again, right in front of you, again.

As you put stop to go in circles, Sylus carefully approached you. He didn't want to make things harder than they were already were but he couldn't bear seeing you suffering. As he hugged you, you started to sob uncontrollably, trembling in his arms. Sylus kissed your head, swaying the two of you, trying to calm you.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'm here, let it all out". His hand caressing your check. His thumb taking away a few of your tears. You were so shocked that even if you wanted to talk, tell everything to Sylus, you couldn't. It's like your voice disappeared.

Sylus continue to kiss your head, caressing your face and giving you lots and lots of comfort. After a while you fell asleep on his chest.

Sylus didn't really knew Caleb and he just knew, from you, that you two were very close friends. He knew though that something was off and he was going to investigate it. If this Caleb was really going to be back he would make sure he never hunted you again.

Rafayel the day he was aware of the possible of Caleb was on the defensive side. You talked about him a few times and Rafayel saw how you grieved about his death. Countless nights and days passed by before you could get yourself together, even a little bit to be a functioning human again. And countless were the nights and days were Rafayel spent his time beside you, even if that meant not painting at all. You were is first and for most priority and, at that time, he certainly couldn't leave you all alone.

At the news, Rafayel made sure you were always by his side. His protective side coming off and scaring everyone who was approaching you. He barely showed this side of him, but in this case? In this case he couldn't let a stupid, foolish human to be near you again, not after what he saw.

"Miss bodyguard, what about I paint something for you?" Rafayel asked, his cheerful self trying to make you smile. Your eyes were watching the distant sea, completely lost in your thoughts. But Rafayel didn't have to wait for an answer. Posing his head on your thighs he looked at the most precious thing in his life: you. Caressing your thighs and hands, Rafayel never stopped to stare at you and when you turn your gaze to him a smile was on your face. Your hands messed up Rafayel'a hair. A playful pout on his face.

But for Rafayel that was enough to know you acknowledge he was there for you.

Xavier and you were cuddling on the couch, watching a film they were making on TV. Not to lie, it was a bit boring and Xavier was about to sleep when he heard a small sob coming from you. At first he was confused but then saw you with your telephone in hands, reading a message.

If weeks prior the Linkon City Hall had texted you that Grandma and Caleb were officially deceased, now, there was a possibility that, at least Caleb, was alive. You hoped for that dearly, your heart aching at the possibility of seeing your best friend. Xavier saw you were blocked on that screen for a long time, tears streaming down your face as your body subtly twitched.

Xavier hugged you, his head on the crook of your neck. He wasn't very good with words and he knew little to nothing about this Caleb and your relationship with him. You barely talked about the accident, too hurtful for you. Xavier kissed your cheeck many times, even biting it lovingly to make you calm down. He wanted to make sure you knew he was there with you and for you.

Whoever this Caleb was, Xavier would do anything to protect you. At the end, he was your Lumiere.

Zayne knew this moment was coming, it was inevitable but after seeing you destroyed after the bomb accident he couldn't let him hurt you again. How could Zayne forget how you barely eat and sleep? How could he bear the sight of his loved one suffer again?

You been quiet for days, always going to the Hospital Zayne worked for. He knew you did this especially when something was not right. Zayne shift ended a few minutes ago and he let you into his studios. You two were in complete silence, the only sound in the room were you and Zayne chewing on your food.

Zayne felt so sorry but at the same time he was controlling himself. Seeing your face calmed him down a bit.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. He wasn't one to show easily his emotion, but he too, knew you since when you too were little. He didn't gain an answer from you, but, that was an answer for him. He tried to talk to you, comforting you but you seemed in another space. Getting up, Zayne sited on the chair next you. His hands now were taking yours, leaving kisses here and there. You sniffed and, after a long time, you finally looked at him. A small smile appeared on your face. Zayne smiled back.

If it was true that Caleb's was really alive, he would make sure that he could never be near you again.

[homeofthelonelywriter]

Idea | Previous Part

tw: future dom-sub relationship, sexually explicit content, pet names, age gap (early twenties - late thirties)

After staring at the door for a few more moments, you shook your head, shaking yourself out of your stupor. A quiet mumbled ‘the fuck’ was the last straw for you to focus back on the here and now. Quickly, you tugged the card away, vowing to never use it. And so, you continued on the job hunt, before leaving the cafe a few hours later, making your way home, feeling dejected, confused, and kind of jealous.

A few days later

It was getting tough. Yesterday, you had spent the last of the money in your account. You had managed to scratch up some cash, searching through the few bags you had, as well as everywhere in your apartment. If it continued like this, you’d have to move out again in a week, as well as go on a strict ‘only cafeteria food that’s included in the tuition’ diet.

You had once again spent most of your day sending out applications with no results to show. Dejected, you made your way back to your apartment, walking the dark streets with your head in the clouds, trying to think of ways to come up with money. Feet pics? Nah, you didn’t like your feet enough for that. Only Fans? Hell no! Maybe you could sell your virginity?

Being so lost in thought, you only noticed the car slowly tailing you when you were almost home. It was a black limousine, you couldn’t see the license plate but you got a creepy feeling from it. Trying to be inconspicuous, you started to walk a bit faster, slowly speeding up, especially when you heard the door open and close behind you. The moment you heard the crunch of footfall behind you, you broke into a sprint, but you didn’t get far before a firm hand wrapped around your upper arm and pulled you back.

“Running away when I just want to talk? Well, that’s kind of rude.” You breathed a sigh of relief when you recognized Simon’s voice and turned around glaring at him. “You scared the living shit out of me.” He just chuckled before gesturing in the direction of your apartment, his hand on the small of your back again. The protest died on the tip of your tongue as he fixed you with a look that told you he wouldn’t accept a ‘no’.

As soon as you closed the door behind yourself and Simon, you latched all the different locks, before you turned back to him. In the meantime, he had taken his coat and mask off and started to look around. Seeing him maskless wasn’t a first, so you weren’t surprised when you saw the scars. When he turned back, you could practically sense his frustration with what you called home. “You’re paying for this?” You hesitated because if you were honest, you weren’t for much longer. He seemed to read your thoughts as a frustrated sigh left his lips.

A little rougher than you expected, he grabbed your arm and dragged you to your bedroom, pushing you toward the bed until you were sitting on it. “Why haven’t you used the card yet?” A frown tugged at your face as you glanced up at him. “Because I didn’t need it, I have enough money for now, and-” The lie died on your tongue as he crossed the distance until he was towering over you. “Do not lie to me, okay?” You swallowed heavily at the edge of his voice but didn’t dare reply.

“I know you don’t have a single pound to your name.” You felt offended as you thought of the two pounds and 47 cents in your purse. “And I know that you have no job, trust me, I made sure of that.” He what? You pushed to your feet, glaring up at the man who was still towering over you. “You are why I haven’t heard back from a single job?” You poked his chest, trying not to show that you bent your finger a bit when it met the hard muscle hidden away under his dress shirt. “Why the fuck would you do that?” This time you used your whole palm to push him away. He took a step back, although you assumed it was just to humor you.

But as soon as you went to put your hands down, he grabbed your wrists. “Because you don’t listen. I told you, to focus on your studies. I told you to use the card. And you did neither. I saw you just a few days ago and yet I can tell that you’ve lost weight. I can tell that you’re not eating enough. Keep this up and I’ll put you over my lap and spank that attitude right out of you, understood?” You couldn’t tell if the last part was a threat or an invitation, but the memory of his wife pushed the excitement down as you pulled back. He let go, watching as you walked to the other side of the room.

“Look, I appreciate you looking out for me, but I am not your…your burden, okay? I know you’re a friend of my father, but I don’t want you to feel responsible for me? Because I’m not your responsibility. You-” You sighed before continuing. “You should go back to your wife.” You could see in Simon’s eyes that something clicked for him. He chuckled darkly, shaking his head while raking his hand through his blonde locks.

“Is that it? Why you’re throwing this…this temper tantrum? Because of my wife?” You glared at him, not wanting to answer. By then you knew he could look through your lies too easily, and if you were honest, yes, his wife was bothering you. You kept telling yourself that his attention, his - could you call it flirting - meant nothing, but it felt as if it meant something. Why would he do that if he had a wife?

While you were lost in thought, Simon apparently calmed down, as he slowly walked over to you, hands raised. “Look, my wife, she’s…fuck, how do I put this? She’s just for show. An alliance if you will. We are not in love, or anything. She actually prefers the company of the same gender if you understand what I’m trying to say.”

You stared, trying to read his expression, see if he was lying, but you could only see honesty. “Okay, even if, this is not…just…about you and your wife. I’m a grown woman and I want to make my own way in life. I don’t want to depend on you, or my father, I just…” Simon, by then, was close enough to gently cup your face. “I know. And I don’t want to treat you like a sugar babe or something like that, but I want to make sure that you’re okay. And you need help right now-” You rolled your eyes. “Not if someone hadn’t manipulated my hundreds of job applications.” He huffed, but you could sense a certain amount of amusement within that huff. “Fine. If your grades are good, I’m going to help you find a good job, okay?” You squinted at him, before nodding reluctantly.

“Good girl. Now, pack your stuff, I'm getting you out of this hell hole.” You were about to object, but one raise of his eyebrow stopped you and you did as you were told while trying to ignore the wet mess in your panties. I’m into dominance, good to know.

Next Part

A/N: ...I have no idea how half of this happened. This was certainly not planned, but the writing goddess or muse or whatever (or pure brain rot) took over and this happened...oops

@alilstressyandlotdepressy @brickwall035 @trampondemand @inarabee @blinca @rileys3dworld @msjaeger @oreojenni @starlightmoon2020 @piconico17 @l1lpip @originalsoulcollector @ig-you-idiot @corvusmorte @ohdrey89 @dreamland08 @dprmoon

[eliotwaughdeservesbetter]

I really want to see this idea turn into a big beautiful work but writing it myself scares me. So i just give it to the world and will be hoping someone can write it.

It's the 31st of December and an hour before the new year. Tommy is inside of the burning building watching into the eyes of the man he left two months ago while the floor under them is collapsing. And minutes later he's trapped under the tons of concrete with the love of his life without any chance of being saved.

They both are conscious and they both understand they're gonna die in here. But they have a little amount of time to talk. Evan asks him why he left and Tommy tells him about his fears, insecurities. Evan tells him he is an idiot and they should have talked about it earlier. Before closing his eyes for the last time Evan tells him he loves him. Tommy's watch shows 00:00 when he kisses Evan's temple and closes his eyes too whispering "love you too".

He wakes up to the sound of his phone. It takes him a minute to understand why he's lying on something soft when seconds ago he was dying with Evan in his arms. He never ever had a dream that realistic he thinks. He takes his phone and answers the call without looking who it is.

"Oh, thank god, Tommy, you finally answered. I need a favour from you please"

"Howie? What? Something happened?"

"Yeah, look. We need a helicopter and a pilot to fly it. And you're the best pilot i know"

"Helicopter? Again?"

"Now i need something more than the dumping you did last time. Remember , Bobby Nash? He and his wife went for a cruise and their ship stopped responding. And there is a storm so we are worried for them and want to find them in case they need help" This..this can't be right. Tommy already had this conversation with Howie ten months ago.

"What the hell?" He didn't mean to say it aloud but his confusion was too strong

"Em, I'm sorry, Tommy, i do understand you don't want to risk it, I'm sorry i asked, we'll try to think of something else"

"Wait, no, Howie, that's not... I'm not saying no. It's just strange you know. But I'll do it, of course. Only I'm at home now, i need maybe an hout to get to harbour"

"Great! Thanks, Tommy! See you there then"

"Yeah, see you"

Tommy disconnects the call and lyes back at the bed. "What the hell?" he says again in silence. He couldn't have dreamed about 10 months, right? He couldn't get this perfect relationship and then the most heartbreaking break up and all of this just in a dream? But if it was a dream then how he could dreamed this crazy thing about flying in the storm to save Bobby and now it's really happening? He looks at the screen of his phone 17:35 10 March 2024. Yeah, he definitely lost his mind.

He makes it to the harbour a bit later than he did last time but he remembers 118 is going to be here half an hour later. So he has time to sign a helicopter for a flight and make a pre-flight check.

"Hey, Tommy, man! It's so good to see you again!" Howie hugs him. And Tommy really doesn't know was it 2 months or 2 years he last saw him. But behind Howie there are Eddie and Evan. Just like in his dream. But something is different in Evan's expression. Last time he was exited and was looking around eyeing everything, now he's looking at Tommy and there is the same confusion in his eyes. Tommy can't help but hope it wasn't a dream and even if it was Evan had the same one too.

After the rescue they talk and yeah Evan remembers everything what's gonna happen to them too. They go together to Tommy's house and now talk about their relationship again and they kiss. This time they gonna make them work together, they've got a second chance and they won't lose it.

I really want more of it but i can't write it. I want to see reaction of the 118 to bucktommy dating and being so close together so fast. I want to see Buck saving Chimney before the wedding. This time Madney have the beautiful wedding they wanted. Buck finally is having this dance he waited. I want to see Buck and Tommy taking down Ortiz and doing everything against Bobby's leaving the firehouse and Gerrard's coming back. And just boys being in love.

[antinousletmehit]

୨୧┇THIS IS FROM APHRODITES GAMBLE SERIES‼️‼️

୨୧┇for context to read the other backstory Drabbles between the two. Also this one’s gonna focus more on how Antinous became a shitty person. @lover-lyn

────୨ৎ──── ────୨ৎ──── ───

The Ithacan night market was alive with flickering lanterns, loud chatter, and a haze of spices, smoke, and ale that filled the cool night air. Stalls lined the narrow streets, selling everything from roasted meats to fine silks, while performers and musicians entertained the bustling crowds. Amid it all, Antinous strode confidently, his younger sister trailing close behind, clutching his sleeve tightly.

“Antinous, are you sure about this?” She asked nervously, glancing around at the shadowy figures that loomed in the crowded streets. “It doesn’t feel safe here.”

“It’s fine,” he said dismissively, his eyes scanning the market. “We don’t have a choice. These fight rings pay well, and if I win, we’ll have enough for food and maybe a proper place to sleep for once.”

“But what if you get hurt?” she pressed, her grip tightening. Antinous smirked, ruffling her hair. “I won’t. You’ve seen me fight before. I’ll be fine. Just stick close to me, alright?” She nodded reluctantly, her unease clear in her wide eyes.

As they moved through the market, Antinous’s attention began to waver. He spotted a group of women near a jewelry stall, laughing and tossing flirtatious glances in his direction. Their brightly colored dresses shimmered in the lantern light, and their alluring smiles were hard to ignore. For a moment, Antinous forgot himself. “Stay right here, Y/n,” he said, gesturing to a nearby crate. Without waiting for her reply, he strode toward the women, his trademark swagger on full display.

She froze, her heart racing. She stood on her tiptoes, trying to keep him in sight, but the crowd shifted, and he disappeared from view “Antinous?” she called, her voice trembling. She took a hesitant step forward, the bustling market suddenly feeling like a maze of strangers and shadows. Her breathing quickened as the sounds of the market grew louder, almost deafening. She clutched the edges of her cloak, weaving through the crowd in a desperate attempt to find her brother. The bright lights and unfamiliar faces swirled around her, and panic set in.

“Antinous!” she cried, tears welling in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Antinous was laughing at some comment one of the women had made, his usual charm on full display. But as he turned to glance back at his sister, his smile faded.

She was gone.

“Y/n?” he called, his voice sharp with urgency.

The women around him looked confused as he abruptly turned away, shoving through the crowd. His heart pounded as he scanned the market, cursing himself under his breath. “Y/n!” he shouted, his eyes darting frantically between the stalls and faces.

Y/n, meanwhile, was crouched near a dark corner, her small frame trembling as she tried to make herself invisible from the chaotic crowd. Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, “Antinous, where are you?” Finally, Antinous spotted her, huddled in the shadows like a lost child. Relief flooded him as he pushed past a vendor and dropped to his knees in front of her.

“Y/n,” he breathed, reaching out to pull her into his arms. She flinched at first, then buried her face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

“I was so scared,” she choked out. “I thought you left me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Antinous said, his voice thick with guilt. “I shouldn’t have left you alone, not even for a second.”

She clung to him tightly, her fingers digging into his tunic. “Don’t ever do that again,” she begged.

“I won’t,” he promised, stroking her hair. “I swear, y/n. Never again.”

He stood, lifting her to her feet and keeping a firm hold on her hand. The fight ring could wait. Tonight, all that mattered was making sure Pandora felt safe again. Little did she know she’d have to cherish the last memory of antinous before he became someone else in that arena.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The underground fight ring was alive with roaring cheers, drunken laughter, and the clinking of coins exchanging hands. Antinous stood in the center of the ring, his chest heaving as he raised his bruised arms in victory. Blood trickled from a split on his lip, but his smirk was triumphant. The crowd adored him, chanting his name as bets were settled and ale spilled in celebration.

Y/n sat in the shadows near the edge of the ring, her small hands clenched tightly around the hem of her cloak. She watched her brother with a mix of pride and worry. Antinous had become a star in the fight ring, earning not only money but also the fame. But with every victory, she saw less and less of the brother she once knew.

When the fight was over, Antinous was escorted back to his room by the fight ring’s manager, a large man with a crooked smile. Y/N trailed behind, as she always did, her presence barely acknowledged by the crowd. Inside the modest room, which smelled faintly of sweat and blood, Antinous threw himself onto the bed, grinning as the manager handed him a hefty pouch of coins.

“Biggest win yet, kid,” the manager said with a chuckle. “You’re a real crowd pleaser. And as a reward…” He motioned to the doorway, where a beautiful woman stepped in, her painted lips curling into a seductive smile. She carried an air of confidence that made y/n shrink back into the corner of the room.

“This one’s for you, champ,” the manager said, clapping Antinous on the shoulder before leaving.

Antinous blinked at the woman, his grin widening. “Well, this is new.”

Pandora’s heart sank as she realized what was happening. “Antinous,” she said softly, stepping closer. “I—I don’t like this.”

Antinous waved her off, not even looking at her. “Y/n, go wait outside. I’ll call you when I’m done.”

“But—”

“Y/n,” he said sharply, his tone leaving no room for argument. Her eyes filled with tears, but she nodded and turned toward the door, clutching her cloak tightly around her. She stepped outside into the cold hallway, the wooden door closing firmly behind her. Sliding down the wall opposite the door, she hugged her knees to her chest. The muffled sound of moans and yells from within the room made her stomach churn. She pressed her forehead against her knees, trying to block it all out, but the tears came anyway.

“I hate this,” she whispered to herself, her voice shaking. “I hate this life. I hate him for doing this.”

The night stretched on, and the hallway grew colder. Y/n shivered as she sat there, her sobs growing quieter with exhaustion. She couldn’t understand how the brother who had once promised to protect her had changed so much, how he could prioritize a stranger over her. A while after the room finally fell silent, the door creaked open after a bit, and Antinous stepped out. His expression was unreadable as he glanced down at his sister, who refused to meet his gaze.

“Y/n,” he said softly, kneeling in front of her.

She didn’t respond, her face hidden against her knees.

Antinous sighed, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “My bad…” he murmured, his voice unusually gentle. “I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have made you wait out here.”

Still, she didn’t move, but her trembling gave her away. Antinous’s chest tightened with guilt. He scooped her up into his arms, holding her close despite her weak attempts to push him away.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he said quietly, his voice rough. “I promise. I’ll do better.”

She finally looked up at him, her tear-streaked face filled with hurt. “You always say that,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

But Antinous didn’t argue. He carried her back into the room, laying her on the bed and wrapping her in a thin blanket. Separate from the one on the bed where the woman seemed to be asleep sitting beside her, he watched her fall into an uneasy sleep, the weight of his choices pressing heavily on his shoulders.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The glow of the underground tavern flickered across Antinous’s sharp features as he leaned casually against the bar, a confident smirk playing on his lips. The fight ring crowd was still buzzing with excitement from his latest victory, and Antinous basked in the attention. Coins jingled in his pouch, drinks were shoved into his hands, and, most noticeably, a striking woman had draped herself across his arm, laughing at his every word.

Y/n sat at a small table in the corner, her legs tucked up onto the chair as she gnawed on a piece of bread Antinous had bought with his winnings. She watched him from a distance, her brows furrowed. She didn’t like the way the woman looked at her brother or how Antinous seemed so wrapped up in her, as if nothing else mattered.

“Antinous,” she said softly when she finally gathered the courage to approach him. She tugged on his sleeve, trying to catch his attention. “It’s late. Can we go back to the room now?”

Antinous barely glanced at her, too engrossed in whatever flirtatious comment the woman had just whispered in his ear. “Not now, Y/n,” he said dismissively, brushing her hand away.

She frowned, her voice rising slightly. “But you promised we’d leave after the fight. I’m tired—”

“I said not now!” Antinous snapped, his tone sharper than he intended.

She recoiled, her lips trembling. “You promised,” she muttered, her voice small.

Antinous sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He crouched down to her level, lowering his voice. “Y/n, just… go back to the room on your own, alright? I’ll be back later.”

Her eyes widened. “But it’s dangerous at night. You said I shouldn’t walk alone.”

“You’ll be fine,” he said impatiently, standing up. “You know the way.”

She hesitated, staring at him as if trying to understand why her brother, her protector, was acting this way. But Antinous had already turned back to the woman, laughing at something she said as he let her pull him toward a private corner of the tavern.

Swallowing her tears, Pandora trudged out into the cold night, clutching her cloak tightly around her. The streets were dimly lit, shadows dancing on the walls as the lanterns swayed in the wind. Every sound, a distant footstep, a whisper of movement, made her jump. She tried to walk faster, but the growing lump in her throat made it hard to focus. When she finally reached their shared room, it was empty and quiet. She curled up on the small cot, her knees pulled to her chest as silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

Hours later, the door creaked open, and Antinous drunkly stumbled in. His tunic was rumpled, his hair tousled. He froze when he saw his sister’s tear streaked face. Almost as if he sobered up.

“Y/n,” he said softly, guilt flashing in his eyes.

She didn’t respond, turning her face away from him. Antinous sat on the edge of the cot, reaching out to touch her shoulder. “Damn uh…my fault,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have left you like that.”

“You keep saying that,” she said quietly, her voice raw. “But you always do it again.”For a moment, he didn’t know how to respond. He sat there in silence, staring at his hands. “I’ll do better,” he finally said, but to her, the promise felt hollow.

She didn’t reply, curling tighter into herself. Antinous stayed by her side, not bothering to try and hold her, tell her that it’ll be okay. The weight of his actions settling heavily on his shoulders.

Antinous shitty Brother Nation

[wrathyforest]

Is there a story behind office robbery?

Okay, due to your curiosity, the office robbery lore :D

It was a stupid (because I'm dumb) and funny situation (though later when I was re-watching it in my head, I was terrified). It was time when I worked in the office, and my office was a filiation of another department. So, my office's work hours are till 17:30, the department's - till 18:00. Usually every worker at ours wants to go home early, so at 17:30, maximum 17:45, the very last worker left. The thing is that back then the department's secretary was sick and there wasn't anyone who could do that work, so they asked my boss to give them a capable worker for a few days or a week (you may guess it was me even though I tried to refuse, but huh life is a struggle), so I ended up at that place. During the lunch break I always went back to my original office to drink tea. That day I was in a hurry because there was a lot of work, so I drank my tea, but forgot to wash my mug (back then we also had an invasion of cockroaches), so I had worries someone can decide to sit there in my mug, so I decided to go wash it after work (which is after 18:00). Also an important detail: I was one of the few people who had duplicate keys - keys was given to me because of my unmatched punctuality (even office janitor lost to me when tried to come earlier 💀 ), so I thought that it was convenient to peacefully wash my mug after work and then go home. So. It was 18:10 or so. When I came to the office door, I put the key into the lock, BUT IT DIDN'T TURN. I was confused, I tried the door handle and it was open. And then straight out of the dark room to me a tall guy rushed out! I wasn't terrified, I was confused (yeah, sometimes I realize stuff later), he was obviously nervous (another funny thing that it didn't scare me but rather made me extremely chill like oh poor guy what's the matter? I know I'm so dumb), so I asked who was he. He began to vaguely tell me that he's fixing an internet?? And here another gag in my defense: that week my colleague invited some IT-guy to help build a web-site and some days they could stay for a few hours after work, so it confused me, because I have never seen the guy. Okay, so I asked who let him in, he vaguely began to explain but I haven't heard a single name of the people working here. I was asking a few questions like, "who let you in, come find me the person", to what he was answering sm like "YOU come find" and I was like ???? are you ok, dude? At this point I was rather pissed off by the situation.

So again. A dark 4th floor, with no one around. Me and him, and then I just came into the office room to check if everything is okay (back then we didn't lock out laptops in safes, everything were right on the tables lol). Everything visually was fine. The guy just went away, and there I spotted that he left his phone on the chair 💀 lmao and on the phone someone named "Melon" was calling him :D I giggled a bit and in a second the guy RUSHED BACK HERE AND WAS LIKE OMG I FORGOT MY PHONE!!! And I was like: is this it? Here. Anything else you forgot? And he: no, thank you, I'll come back tomorrow, And I was like: Okay, goodbye. Him: Goodbye.

Lol. After I immediately contacted my boss to clarify if there was someone staying in the office, and she told me that no, and like I GUESS SOMEONE TRIED TO BURGLARY US. And I was like whoa damn,,,, I need to check everything. I went into the office room again, turned on the light AND SUDDENTLY A LIGHT BULB EXPLODED. And only at this moment the thought "damn, some real shit is going on" crossed my mind💀. I tried to remember if every laptop is in place. Haven't noticed anything unusual, so I locked the office and went home thinking stuff like "what if the guy had a knife?" :DDDD (actually it still might not consider as a successful preventing robbery, because the next day it turned out that the guy has stolen a photo camera..... but who knows if he'd stole more)

The funny thing is that my mug was left unwashed that day.💀

[peaceoutofthepieces]

If you're still taking Heartstopper hug prompts, I'd love to see either the desperate hug or the hug you don't deserve. Thank you!

i'm sorry this took so long!! and i kinda forgot what the prompt was and it just kinda got shoehorned in at the end. whoops. i had this idea for a long time and i ended up thinking it just kinda fit with this, so i hope you enjoy!

18. tight and desperate 28. the hug you don’t deserve

Charlie didn't even know how the argument had started. He certainly hadn't intended it, but maybe he should have predicted Nick’s reaction, should have known where the line of conversation would go. Maybe a part of him had wanted it, had been provoking Nick with subconscious purpose. 

The thing was he couldn't have expected this reaction, because Nick’s go-to wasn't to argue. Not with Charlie. They'd had their fair share, but it took Nick time to lose his patience and respond to Charlie's anger or frustration. This time it was all the more confusing because Charlie hadn't been angry. He was fairly sure his tone had been free of spite, that there was no edge, that Nick shouldn't have suspected a double meaning or hidden barb, because there wasn't any. 

Charlie had made a throwaway comment about Nick missing his local chippy when he went to uni, and Nick had set his food down with a clatter and said, “Do we have to do this again?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't want to argue about uni.”

“I wasn't trying to argue,” Charlie protested, still trying to keep his voice gentle. 

Nick visibly bit back a response. “It just usually ends up that way.”

Charlie wanted to say that wasn't his fault, but he swallowed the urge. He wasn't trying to argue; it just always seemed to be a sensitive subject. But it had already gotten as bad as it could get, when Charlie had thought for days he'd lost Nick, and they'd worked it out. They wouldn't let that happen again. Charlie, if anything, wanted to start emphasising that by making the idea feel normal. Nick would leave, and they would be apart, and Charlie was growing to accept it. But it was clear neither of them felt normal about it, still. 

Nick seemed to intentionally soften, taking a moment to lower his shoulders and smooth his expression before talking to Charlie more gently. “I'd just rather not talk about it. I just want to have a chill night with takeaway and a film.”

“That's fine,” Charlie said, but the thought kept nudging at him, and he kept going. “But I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about it. I know I—I got upset and blew up at you about it before. But we worked through it. And now I'm more scared if…if we keep avoiding it, eventually you'll just want to avoid me.” Nick’s eyes flickered, and Charlie pressed on before things did stumble into argument territory. “When you're at uni you'll definitely want to talk about it then, and I don't want that to put you off talking to me. Or make you feel like you shouldn't be happy there, in case I'm upset here. I do just want you to be happy, Nick.”

It was more earnestness than Nick had been looking for or than the conversation likely invited, but it felt suddenly important to express, to have Nick know. Nick was usually the one giving Charlie these emotional reassurances. It was only fair that Charlie get to be the one throwing Nick off now and again. 

But Nick wasn't thrown off, or openly besotted with Charlie's speech. He looked away entirely. “You know I'm not happy all the time?”

Charlie blinked. His heart thudded. Of course he knew that. No one was happy all the time; he knew that better than anyone. Why was that Nick’s response now, though? Was he unhappy right now? Was he saying he wasn't always happy with Charlie? “I'd think you were crazy if you were,” Charlie decided to respond, still light and reassuring and hopefully leaving room for Nick to elaborate. 

“I wasn't happy when we were apart before.”

Nick looked at him again, and Charlie's stomach twisted. They hadn't had this conversation in a while. It was always there—it would never go away—but it wasn't persistent anymore. Charlie knew it linked into uni talk. He'd been waiting for it to come up, truthfully. 

That didn't make him any happier about it.

“This won't be anything like that, though,” Charlie said softly. 

“Won't it? I'll still only get to talk to you on the phone, unless I travel hours to see you, and neither of us can know how often we'll get to do that.”

Well. Charlie supposed he couldn't argue with that. “But it'll be different. We'll both be kept busy and you won't be stuck home, worrying about me. You'll be able to actually have fun.” Charlie would be doing his A-levels, and without Nick and Tori, and decidedly not having fun, but he would manage. He had his friends, and he had Geoff, and despite how much he'd rather not have so much of his parents, sometimes, they wouldn't let him die, so there was that. 

It wouldn't do them any good to mention that now. Nick was already clearly struggling with something, and the last thing Charlie wanted was to add to it. There was no need to make Nick feel guilty. Again. 

“I always worry about you,” Nick said quietly. Charlie's face dropped, and Nick shook his head. “Not because I think you can't manage or because I don't trust you or anything. It's not just because you've been ill. It's like…like how I worry about Mum.”

That piqued Charlie's curiosity, immediately distracting him from the initial zip of anger. He reached over and took Nick’s hand. “Can you explain that a bit more?”

Nick glanced at the coffee table, where their takeout lay abandoned. “The food’s gonna be cold,” he mumbled. “Sorry, I shouldn't have started this while we were eating.”

Charlie was not about to remind Nick that a moment ago, he'd been mad at Charlie for ‘starting it’. Nick already looked so downhearted; there was no need to start an entirely different argument. Which was why Charlie didn't rebuke him for using the s-word, either. The best tactic at this point was to accept the diversion. “It should still be fine. How about we finish it and then we can go up to your room?”

Nick smiled, grateful for the easy shift. Charlie pretended not to notice Nick sneaking glances at him as they ate. He managed to mechanically make his way through his meal while distracting himself thinking over what Nick said. It almost sounded like Nick was saying he didn't think he'd be happy, going to uni. But that couldn't be right. He'd been nothing but excited since deciding he wanted to go to Leeds. He'd been a bit quiet lately, but not so out of character that Charlie had been concerned. Maybe he should have been paying more attention. 

Nick finished eating before him, but stayed sitting quietly, sipping at his drink. When Charlie set his own empty dish down and rose, offering Nick his hand, Nick smiled adoringly up at him. He took Charlie's hand and stood, only to immediately bundle Charlie in a hug. 

Charlie huffed, half-amused and half-concerned, and tucked his arms around Nick's waist. “What's this for?” he asked quietly. 

“Can't I just hug you?” Nick mumbled into his hair. 

Charlie simply squeezed him in response. 

After a moment, Nick continued. “I just—I really love you.”

Charlie pulled back to look at him. His concern was getting a little louder, but Nick didn't look upset. His gaze was full of its usual warmth. Charlie squeezed his sides again. “I love you too.” He leaned in to peck Nick's lips, and was granted another smile. “Let's clean this up and go cuddle.”

Nick obliged with enthusiasm. By the time they were lying in Nick’s room, Nick seemed to have shook off whatever he'd been feeling. He lay contently on Charlie's chest, and Charlie was loath to break it. 

But he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been missing something, and now that it had creeped into the light, he couldn't ignore it. Not if Nick was unhappy because of it. 

“What did you mean before?” Charlie asked, because that seemed like the easiest way to bring it back up. 

“Hm?” Nick sounded sleepy. Charlie stopped playing with his hair and instead let his hand lay there, cupping Nick’s head. 

“When you said that you worry about me like you worry about your mum.”

There was a small pause. Charlie wasn't sure if it was because Nick was sleepy or because he was delaying responding. “Oh. Sorry, that probably doesn't make any sense.”

“Can you make it make sense? Give an example, maybe?”

Nick adjusted, curling more onto his front—and more onto Charlie—and tightening his hold around Charlie's waist before easing it again. “I dunno. It's like, how you worry about anyone you love. And it just…feels like it would be worse, further away. I know me being here wouldn't stop it, but I just hate the thought of someone I love struggling or getting sick or anything when I'm not there. It's not that I don't think you can manage without me—it's not really anything to do with you to begin with. Anything can just happen. Something could happen to Nellie or Henry, or Mum could get sick, or there could be an accident and any one of you could—”

“Nick,” Charlie cut him off. “Hey.”

He cupped Nick's cheek, urging him to look up. When Nick only pressed his face closer to Charlie's neck, Charlie shifted back and slid his body down until they were lying face to face, keeping Nick held in his hands. 

Nick's eyes were vaguely misty. He blinked a few times quickly while looking at Charlie, then he focused somewhere around Charlie's chin. “Sorry. I told you it doesn't make any sense.”

Charlie shook his head. “No. Like you said, I think everyone does worry about that sort of thing.” Charlie was fairly chronically anxious, so he would know. But when those thoughts came to him, they were some of the more fleeting. Charlie was able to brush them off as irrational much more easily than the thoughts about how awful he himself was, etcetera. This didn't seem like it would be helpful to share; it sounded like more than a fleeting thought to Nick. “Do you think about that a lot, though?”

Nick shrugged as best he could while lying down. 

“Is that why you've been down lately? You're thinking about…being worried a lot when you're away?” Charlie understood that, to an extent. Surprisingly, it wasn't one of the things he felt the need to have in his control, because he knew it was impossible. Like Nick said, his presence or his will wouldn't do anything to change or stop an accident or illness. Charlie had always been aware of that, and that made the lack of control easier to accept.

But he knew how terrifying that lack could feel. 

But Nick said, “No. I mean, it doesn't help. It's crossed my mind a lot. But I haven't been—I'm not obsessing over it, or anything.”

Charlie's lips pursed. He couldn't help it. 

“Not—” Nick’s eyes widened. “God, I didn't mean—fuck, I'm making a right mess of this.” He covered his face with a hand, tilting his chin down. 

“It's fine,” Charlie said softly. “I know you didn't mean anything by it.” Gently, he curled his hand around Nick’s and brought it down, laying their interlocked fingers in the small gap between them. Nick gave him a little smile, hesitant and apologetic. Charlie smiled back, equally unsure. “But if it's not this…is there something else?”

Nick's eyes flickered away again. He twitched his shoulders in a semblance of a shrug. 

Charlie slid closer to him, letting Nick's weight pull him in, the dip in the mattress widening to hold them both together. Charlie slotted a knee between Nick’s and pushed a hand back into Nick's hair. He scratched at Nick's scalp and tipped their heads together, until his forehead rested on Nick’s and Nick’s breath brushed his lips. 

It took one beat, two, for Nick to settle under the embrace. His body relaxed even as his hand curled in Charlie's hoodie and his eyes closed. Charlie stayed silent. Pushing Nick wouldn't do any good, but Charlie could always offer this. Nick bloomed under affection; nothing seemed to make him more comfortable than Charlie's touch, so Charlie offered it as frequently and freely as he could. Maybe it wouldn't make Nick talk to him—he didn't want to make Nick talk to him—but hopefully it would remind him that he could, because Charlie was here and he loved him and he wasn't going anywhere, regardless of how much distance might separate them. Hopefully it would make him feel safe enough to try. 

Eventually, Nick spoke in a whisper. “It's not about your illness. But I have been thinking a lot about what it was like, when you were in the clinic.”

Charlie squashed down his unease. “What about it?”

“It just…of course it sucked because I was worried about you and our contact was so limited, but it—it mostly sucked being by myself.”

It was hard to read Nick's expression, even when Charlie pulled back an inch to look. Charlie frowned. “What do you mean?”

Nick's eyes fluttered open, but he kept his gaze down to where he was fiddling with the string on Charlie's (Nick’s) hoodie. “It was the first time I'd really been without you since we met, and I'd forgotten what it was like.” He looked up at Charlie. “You know the first time Mum met you, she said I was more myself around you?”

Charlie hadn't known that. He couldn't say it surprised him, exactly—he'd known from the start that Nick was different around him—but it was nice to think Sarah had not only noticed, but approved so early on. Charlie just shook his head in response to Nick. 

“I couldn't figure out what she meant,” Nick said, and it sounded like an admission. “Not because I didn't think I was different around you—I knew you were different—but because I didn't know how she could tell it was more me. I didn't even know what that was.”

This wasn't what Charlie had expected. The thought that Nick would be worried over something like this would never have even crossed Charlie's mind. He knew Nick struggled in the early stages of their relationship—who didn’t, when discovering their sexuality—but aside from that, Nick had always seemed so thoroughly Nick. He was gentle and open and silly and sporty and strong in his beliefs, even when he doubted himself. He'd said it with such confidence before. I like who I am. I like my life.

Charlie played a factor in that, surely, but his distance wouldn't make that much of a difference. Would it? 

“I do,” Charlie said softly. “I know. You're wonderful, Nick.”

“I wasn't, though, was I?” Nick cut in before Charlie could give the rest of what he'd planned to say. “Before I met you, I…it was like I was just being pulled along. I was just existing. I wasn't this great, lovely person you make me out to be.”

Charlie had no idea what to think of that, never mind how to respond. All that left his mouth was a sad, wobbly, “Nick.”

He hadn't known Nick thought of himself that way. He'd known, especially at the beginning, that Nick was harder on himself than he ought to be, and it wasn't just about struggling to come out. Even since before they'd gotten together, he seemed to harbour guilt. From what Charlie could remember, Nick hadn't even been a present witness to his mistreatment—and Charlie would remember Nick, he was sure. But Nick had heard the gossip and the insults and, in his opinion, hadn't done enough to counteract it.

In Charlie's opinion, no one had, and that had never been Nick's fault or responsibility. But he understood where Nick was coming from. 

That didn't change how Charlie saw him, though. It didn't change how Nick was. 

“I know what you mean,” Charlie eventually continued, when Nick did nothing but breathe heavily and blink sadly at him. “But listen to what you're saying. You weren't bad then, and that wasn't you. Even your mum could see that.” Charlie poked Nick's chest. “But you've had me for over two years now, and you've done nothing but prove how great and lovely you are. You can't fake that, and it won't disappear when we're apart. I know who you are, Nick, and you're my favourite person.”

Nick's eyes grew misty, and he burrowed into Charlie's chest before he could start to cry. Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders and head and cradled him close, pressing a kiss to his crown and stroking the hair at his nape. 

“I didn't let you see how bad it was, though,” Nick whispered, his voice choppy and wet. “Char, it made me miserable. It felt like—like I was sleepwalking, and I couldn't do anything and nothing could reach me when you weren't there. And I know, I know, I was only that miserable because I was so worried but Char, you don't understand. You went there and you made things better for yourself and you've grown so, so much in the past year and a half and I just—I don't know how to do that. I don't know if I can do that on my own.”

Charlie absorbed that, then again pulled back and urged Nick to look up at him, holding Nick’s face in his hands. “I think that's exactly why you need to do it,” he said softly. 

Nick sniffed, hard, but didn't protest. 

“And you won't be on your own,” Charlie continued. “We might not be ten minutes from each other, but that doesn't mean I won't be there for you. I'd never leave you on your own, Nick. Neither will Tara and Darcy, or any of our other friends.”

“You can't be sure of that, though.”

“I know I can't promise you things won't change. But I'm not going anywhere,” Charlie enunciated each word, leaning closer until they were nose to nose. “You at least have to believe that.”

Nick's eyes flit back and forth between Charlie's. He seemed to be battling with what he wanted to say. Eventually he came out with, “I don't want to become someone you don't like.”

Charlie's heart twisted, but alongside it was a twinge of relief. They were getting to the root of the problem, and it was much more manageable than Charlie had thought. Charlie had enough experience with this kind of self doubt to know it could be worked through, especially with the right support, and Charlie would do everything in his power to provide that. 

“I'm fairly sure that's impossible,” Charlie said. “But do you want to tell me how you think that could happen?”

Nick closed his eyes again, and his shoulders shifted in another weak shrug. “I don't know. Look at what's happening right now. It's selfish, I don't deserve you comforting me when I'm the one who's leaving and you should—”

Charlie cut him off by enveloping him in another hug with a loud shush. It felt like they'd been hugging for an hour by now, and still every time Nick wrapped around him it seemed tighter, more desperate. Charlie didn't know if he was failing that miserably at easing Nick's concerns or if this was Nick's natural need for touch. 

“You're allowed to ask for help, Nick.” Charlie spoke into Nick's hair. “I never want you to pretend you're not upset because you think I might be. Okay? Please.”

Nick murmured something like an apology, and Charlie shushed him again. “I don't want how we are to change,” Nick mumbled. “If the few times we get to see each other it starts to just feel awkward or sad and it'll be just like when Dad—”

Nick cut himself off abruptly, but Charlie had heard it. And here, he realised, was the root. He mentally kicked himself. He should have seen that connection a mile away.

They didn't talk about it often. Nick had ranted to Charlie about his dad a few times, after they'd met up in Paris and their debacle of a dinner and when he failed to show up for holidays as promised, though Nick always said it was expected. Charlie knew his feelings about his father were complicated, and that anger and disappointment held a lot of that space, but he'd always thought it best to let Nick bring it up on his own terms. Unless he was mentioned, Charlie avoided asking, and perhaps that had been a mistake. 

He hugged Nick tighter, more desperately, to give himself time to work out what to say. 

He settled on an apology. “I'm sorry, Nick. I should have known what this was about.”

Nick's reply came slow, and his voice was thick. “I don't even think I knew.” He took a heaving breath. “God, that's pathetic.”

“No,” Charlie argued immediately. “It's not. You're not. It makes perfect sense, Nick.”

Nick gave a wobbly laugh. “D'you think you can explain it to me then?”

Charlie thought he probably could if he tried, but he wasn't sure it was his place. For a while he just held Nick in silence, letting them both think it over. Periodically, he pressed a kiss to whatever part of Nick he could reach, or rubbed up and down his back, or scratched gently at his head. Anything to remind Nick he was there and he understood and he loved him. 

Eventually, Charlie got the nerve to ask, “Do you think you have, like, separation anxiety?”

Nick took a moment, Charlie hoped to consider this and not because he was upset. “Like what some kids have when they start school and stuff?”

“Yeah. But I don't think it's just kids,” Charlie added quickly. “There was this girl at the clinic with me. The main thing she struggled with was being apart from her parents at the start. It wasn't why she was there, but it was part of it. She told me she even had a few panic attacks about it. She lost one of her grandparents, when she was really young. Then she had this intense fear of her parents dying every time they were away from her. It never completely left her. She just got better at managing it.”

Nick was quiet for so long Charlie thought he'd gone too far and Nick wasn't going to respond anymore. When he did, it was a small, quiet, “Oh.”

Charlie steeled himself. “So it makes sense. If…your dad leaving and things changing so much between you. If that was something that really affected you, it makes sense you'd worry about other people you love leaving.”

“It isn't…you don't think that's silly, or childish?”

Charlie shook his head adamantly, despite the fact Nick was still pressed against him and wouldn't see the gesture. Charlie knew he would feel it, but he still said, “No, Nick. It's not silly at all. And like you said, everyone worries about the people they love. People only think this is childish because children haven't learned how to hide it, so it's more obvious in them.”

Nick absorbed this. Charlie hated not being able to see his face, but he didn't want to push things. He wanted to provide Nick with comfort in the form Nick was comfortable with. It helped that he could hear and feel Nick's breaths, and could tell that they'd steadied. It wasn't a simple thing to take in, but it had seemed to almost settle Nick, more than panic him. 

“Honestly,” Nick murmured, “I think me having some kind of anxiety does make sense. And this…fits.”

Charlie squeezed Nick tight and ignored the ache that caused in him. “You don't have to figure it out or understand it right now. I could be completely wrong. But whatever it is, we can look into it together. If you want?”

Nick smushed his face to Charlie's neck. “I really love you.”

Charlie smiled. “I really love you too.”

Nick was the one to pull back this time. His eyes were a little red, and there was a dry tear-track down one cheek, but the mist over his expression had cleared. If not happy, he seemed more at ease now. “I think it would help,” he said. “To look into something. Maybe if I understand better it won't…I can stop it from bothering me so much.”

Charlie tried to tamp down his pride, but he was sure it shone through. “I think so.” He nudged Nick's nose with his own, uncaring it was cold and damp. “Whatever you need, I'll be here.”

Nick looked at him for a long moment, less in doubt, Charlie thought, and more just to look. To remind himself this was real and true, at least for now. Slowly, he smiled. 

“Yeah,” Nick said. “I know.”

[warpaway]

linhardt keeps phasing in and out of consciousness. the roughness with which griss treated them failed to have any lasting effect, even once the party sets out again, linhardt dozes off on his feet. he's only conscious enough to know when maria gets hurt, and following the pattern of the night, he raises his hand to heal her.

[1 AP] Linhardt 12/12HP uses Physic on Maria 6/10HP [Roll: 2, +1HP; (Crest of Cethleann roll: 2, fail), Maria 7/10HP] Physic durability 4/15

then, they allow themself a nap. they deserve it, at this point, they feel. after all the horrors and the friendly fire and the confusion and blood and... well, they put it out of their mind. it's just so easy to...

[2 AP] Linhardt 12/12HP forfeits the rest of their AP.

that is, until there's a flash of light. it's familiar to him - there's a sound associated with it, and a flash of the most ancient, interesting magicks that linhardt is aware of.

they are not the only one with a crest in this party.

he cracks an eye open and sees it happen again - what luck!

at first, the crest of blaiddyd doesn't catch his attention. after all, it's not one of the special crests; that of a lost saint, that of the beast, or otherwise. the only thing notable about the crest of blaiddyd is that it's completely unique to the bloodline of faerghus' royal family, which has taken great lengths to prevent it from spilling out into other noble houses or elsewhere.

then, linhardt perks up. this man is not dimitri, and dimitri is supposed to be the only living member of the royal family. well, well. how did lambert come upon that?

enervated by his interest, linhardt takes a few quickened steps forward to keep pace with lambert as they make their way to class.

"i thought i was the only one in this little ragtag party with a crest," they begin. it's always best to lead with small talk, they know, from all the interviews they've conducted. "and yours is rather interesting. i have to ask you about it - oh, i don't mind waiting. i'm sure you'd rather not talk about such things in front of too many strangers."

all of their focus is now on lambert, and they are wide awake. they watch as he produces some tonic to help with griss' wounds. or ailment. or whatever.

"oh, allow me -" linhardt offers to take care of it instead. they don't like griss, certainly, but they agree that they shouldn't let him die from inaction.

he continues chatting as the group sets out again. it isn't that he's getting used to the routine of it, it's that he is simply focused on something else. he wants to ask so badly - how did you get a crest that only the faerghan royal family has? - but he knows that doing so in front of just anyone could result with him never seeing an answer.

when the creatures ambush them this time, linhardt is more annoyed than scared. these are distractions! these are getting in the way of valuable research! these are...

a perfect opportunity to see that crest again.

"not this again," they mutter, stepping back to allow their new fixation to handle it instead.

"why don't you take the vanguard?" he suggests, helpfully, "you certainly have an advantage with that crest."

up next: @twistedisciple

let's gather round the campfire and || COMBAT Week 1 Team 1

[the-dormant-ocean]

I have no words to describe the utter fear that overtook me.

[caterjunes]

reeeaaally really empathizing hard w/ rots anakin right now. like. oh yeah ok i get it. he's been sleep-deprived & running w/ a high level of stress hormones nonstop for months. he keeps asking for advice and help and the jedi just say "what does yr heart tell you?" and "try not worrying about it. 🧘‍♂️" and the only person who actually seems to care about him is.... evil? but. that can't be right... what?

but there's no time to think about it because he did what he were supposed to do and told the jedi and now events are moving very fast and oops he got in the way and did something very impulsive and now mace windu is dead and it's anakin's fault, actually. and he still hasn't processed anything that's happened in the last... week? two months? ever in his life? but his friend palpatine is there and telling him that it's okay. that he did the right thing, that he did good. and guess what anakin? you don't have to worry about making any more hard decisions, because palpatine is gonna make them for you and you just have to do them. isn't that better? isn't that easier? isn't it?

[hughesxmaes]

Watching the other cry in his arms, weeping for a man who was supposed to be dead, yet was alive and holding the Flame Alchemist, his best friend, the one he fell deeply for, it hurt to watch. All Maes could do was continue to console him, continue to rub his back as he held him close.

He knows that this was something hard to believe, that he was here and alive and not dead. His life was spared at a cost, Roy’s cost. He was being used to make sure Roy didn’t do anything about it.

They didn’t know that Roy would still be trying to stop them. They thought this would be enough considering what lengths Roy had went through to avenge his best friend.

Maes kept his arms around him letting him cry it out for however long he needed. Ten minutes.. or was it twenty? He wasn’t counting, but he was still in the same spot, rubbing his back, assuring him in soft murmurs that he was there and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Finally when the other had calmed enough to finally speak to him, Maes listened and hung to every word learning that his feelings were definitely returned, but kept in the dark from it.

He could understand why Roy held back, even back then Maes didn’t realize his own feelings either and it would have only caused issues, but knowing how he feels now that they are both older and after everything that’s happened.

He could understand that Roy was scared to lose him, having thought he had died the first time around, but only got lucky that the homunculi missed and hit his side instead of his heart this time.

Hearing that Gracia and Elicia were both crying at the funeral that wasn’t supposed to happen broke his heart and he knew that they would always be sad and miss him, and of course he’d miss them too, he knew it was just too dangerous to come forward to them about still being here. Not to mention it would only just confuse them and upset them that this was hidden.

He leans his head against Roy’s and just holds him. He knows that Roy is still dealing with the grief of him dying so all he can do is be there for him and assure him. He sees the anger that he felt from when he lost him he sees all the grief that the man has to deal with in his dark eyes that stare back into his hazel ones.

“I know you’re afraid, Roy. I get it, but I’ll do whatever I can to stay alive. I know you’ll protect me, I’m right here. I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere.” He is going to do everything he can to stay alive for Roy’s sake. He has a chance to, so he won’t even try to fight against them unless he has to.

“There’s a lot that we don’t know, but I’m sure we will find out soon enough.” He squeezes him softly. “I want to stay by your side, always. I want to be with you and nobody else. I’ll make a promise to you to stay alive. I refuse to die after everything.” He couldn’t dare die after seeing what this man has said and done in front of him just now. “I love you so much, Roy.” He watches as the other hides his face once more. “I’m yours.”

He couldn’t get air into his lungs. He fell into the sea, and, as if he was always meant to drown, he couldn’t hope to get out. 

Why, though? He thought he was safe this time. He was careful. The sun did not melt his wings like he previously thought. Nay, the wax remained intact.

Simple: he looked down, and he didn’t look back up. He wasn’t sure he could.

The fabric of Maes’ shirt was almost enough to silence Roy’s cries. Even though he wanted to, he did not completely smother his face into Maes’ shoulder. Idly, he wondered if perhaps that would stop him from nearly hyperventilating in front of the man he loved. If he could just breathe, and manage to get a few, rational words out, then everything would make sense. This? Bawling like an infant who only wanted to be held in a warm embrace? Ridiculous. Obscene. Deplorable. 

This was not the man Maes said he loved. Fire incarnate, he was supposed to be a welcoming hearth for his man to sit next to on a cold day, a torch to light his way, or a wildfire that took down forests if left untamed. What Maes held in his arms were mere embers, soaked from the sea as he could not stop himself from weeping. Pathetic. 

Five minutes passed, and he hardly slowed his pace. The tears couldn’t stop. He couldn’t move from his spot. His hands continued gripping Maes with all the strength he could muster while his body quaked. 

Another five minutes passed. His breathing began to calm as his body stilled. Calloused hands relaxed their grip, but did not let go. 

Several minutes, or close to an eternity, later, a quiet voice broke the silence.

“I loved you since we were at the academy,” Roy murmured as he spoke more to the floor, his head bowed, “I knew it then. When you said you joined the military to protect the woman you loved, I wanted to tell you that you already did. She was me.” Roy offered the floor a weak smile for a brief few seconds before his frown returned. “But, I couldn’t risk it. Not with our country as it is, and not with the anti-frat laws. I wasn’t about to damage your career like that. So, you got married and had a daughter while I kept up my reputation, and I worked on attaining the Presidency.”

The hands gripping Maes trembled. With a sharp inhale of air, his breathing stuttered. He just stopped crying. Starting again would be absurd. Everything was fine. Maes was alive and right in front of him. Couldn't he see that? Why did he keep quaking like this?

“But… then you died, Maes. When I was in East City.” Why did his voice break? He made this report before. He had to before he transferred. Moreover, Maes knew what happened. It happened to him. “I don't remember what happened after the phone call. The Lieutenant took me home, and I woke up there the next morning. I don't remember if I even changed that morning before I left for Central.” Roy forced himself to pause and breathe, his hands moving to his sides. 

“I went to your funeral. I listened to Gracia and Elicia cry–she asked why they were burying you, and none of us could console her. I saw the phone booth. I listened as Major Armstrong said he couldn't tell me who killed you.” As he spoke, his hands clenched into fists. “And, after all of that, I promised I would find your killer and bring them to Hell myself. What I did to Lust is nothing compared to the funeral pyre I plan to make for the one who took you from me.”

At last, obsidian dared to look into hazel. Alive and on fire, the blaze in Roy moved with his quick breaths. The water on his face, an element said to make the Flame useless, glistened in the soft lighting of his living room. With one deep inhale, and then another, the fire began to calm. Several deep breaths later, a solemn voice, barely above a whisper, left the embers standing in front of Maes.

“I told a ghost I loved him. Without him, I was lost. How would I go anywhere without mi Estrella Polar? I said all this to an empty grave, not once thinking it was empty. That you were alive, Maes.” He tried to smile, but such an attempt was in vain. His lips quivered with the rest of him—as if he hadn’t fully dried from being underwater. 

“I never stopped loving you. Not once, even when I told myself I should. And now… you're saying everything I dreamed of hearing. You want to be mine when I’ve wanted nothing more since we were cadets. But…” Again, his clenched hands trembled as his gaze moved to the floor. “How do I know you won’t be taken from me again? I couldn’t protect you before. If I go through with these plans–to overthrow the Homunculi and Senior Staff—what will stop them from taking you? I can’t–I can’t lose you again.”He bowed his head as tears cascaded down his cheeks, the sea claiming him once more. Perhaps water truly did make him useless.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

crying at 7am bc your best friends are Science Brains and try to explain the Cool Concept of Dimensionality to you but you are Too Dumb To Understand

[plumdale]

Me rn bc other than reading my favorite free-time activity is playing sims but I don’t have my gaming laptop with me. Is this the time I should start learning how to crochet bc I’ve always wanted to…..

[bearinabandana]

rewatching deep breath and I really really don't see the appeal in the pasternoster gang, they're just so annoying to me

[vilelittlecritter]

About half the reblogs are about 73 yards and I'm sorry to break it to you but I don't really like 73 yards that much..

No hate to the episode I thought it was cool as an idea but wasn't really well done in my opinion

Firm believer that doctor who should get fucked up and unnerving on the regular

[nishicchikouchi]

LITC is ending in 6 chapters. I HAVE NOT read anything about it, but my fyp is really full of litc content XD so I know that Cirrus is leaving for America. Im gonna wait til this finishes before I read so atleast I know the ending and what I would expect.

[watch-out-it-bites]

I am. SO being fucked over by my school 24/7 but if I take extra classes I get to graduate early..