#Me Rosa and Gold are all competing

[freifraufischer]

The geopolitics that left two of Ukraine’s best gymnasts out of the Olympics...

The collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 was very awkward in it’s timing from a sporting point of view.  Most spots for the 1992 Olympic Games were gained by USSR teams competing in that year but by the next the country didn’t exist.  It was decided to allow the former Soviet Republics (other than the Baltic States that had become independent earlier) to compete as the Unified Team under the Olympic banner for team events with their individual country’s flag and anthems for individual events.

This makes one of the traditional debates about the 1992 Olympics a bit complicated one Tatiana Gutsu fell in her optional beam exercise and Rosa Galieva finished ahead of her.  In any year previous there would be no question that a Soviet coach could decide substitute a gymnast with perceived greater medal potential.  It had happened in 1985 at the world championships and 1990 at the Goodwill Games.  But when the AA was an individual competition was it right that a Russian coach could pull an Uzbek gymnast in favor of a Ukrainian?  Mostly this is a debate only American gymnastics fans care about because of it’s implications for the Gutsu vs Miller all around battle.

But it does highlight just how complicated the Unified Team was as an organization.  One might say that they simply behaved like it was a USSR team ... but let me show you how they didn’t from the very beginning.

Let’s start with the 1992 European Championships which was the first gymnastics meet where these gymnasts competed under their own flags and which happened before the 1992 Olympic Games.  Here are the results from the AA with the non-former Soviet countries removed.

1 Tatiana Gutsu UKR 39.725 4 Tatiana Lysenko UKR 39.137 5 Svetlana Boginskaya BLR 39.136 6 Ludmilla Stovbchataya UKR 39.061 10 Elena Grudneva RUS 38.849

4 of these 5 gymnasts would be on the 6 person 1992 Unified Team.  Their names are bolded.

It should be noted that a number of relevant gymnasts couldn’t compete in 1992 Euros because their new countries were in Asia so this excludes Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan athletes who will be relevant to this conversation later.

Now let’s look at the 1992 CIS Championships.  The CIS was the temporary successor organization to the USSR for this transition.  I have added their country listing at the time.

1 Tatiana Lysenko 39.725 - UKR 2 Roza Galiyeva 39.412 - UZB 3 Oksana Chusovitina 39.099 - UZB 4 Svetlana Boginskaya 38.950 - BLR 5 Natalia Kalinina 38.862 - UKR 6 Tatiana Gutsu 38.825 - UKR 7 Anna Zaitseva 38.687 - KAZ 7 Ludmilla Stovbchataya 38.687 - UKR 9 Svetlana Kozlova 38.487 - RUS 10 Elena Grudneva 38.450 - RUS

I have bolded the members of the Unified Team.  Gutsu won 3 of the CIS Championships event finals on vault, bars, and beam.  Stovbchataya won the event final on floor.

During the USSR period it was entirely possible for the team selectors to creat a team with no Russian gymnasts.  They had in 1989 at the World Championships where the team had been made up of 2 Ukrainians, 2 Latvians and 2 Belarussians.  But they did not pick the Unified Team blind to country of origin.  There had to be a Russian on the team and so they skipped over two Ukrainians who had better results (and a Kazak) in order to put Elena Grudneva on the 1992 Olympic team.

I suspect that if Ukraine had been allowed to compete as it’s own country in 1992 they could have won the gold outright.

Natalia Kalinina was one of the greatest gymnasts never to make an Olympic Team.  She was a member of the 1991 USSR World Championship team that had won gold and had beaten Boginskaya in 1990 to take the 1990 Goodwill Games AA.  The above video is from that performance.  She was a stunning classical floor worker.  She continued to compete for Ukraine for a few years after being snubbed from the 1992 selection.

This is Ludmilla Stovbchataya’s 1992 European Championships EF Beam.

She won the bronze behind Gutsu and Boginskaya.

Stovbchataya would continue to complete for Ukraine as well for a few years past the 1992 Olympics.  

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 1 Retrospective

So I've started my rewatch of the entire show in preparing for the 8th and sadly final season of B99. I'm going to try and finish all 7 seasons before the start of season 8. It will be tough but I will give it a shot. The show is honestly in my top 5 shows of all time. Certainly my favorite show of the past decade. I watched it live from the day the pilot aired till date. Its one show that I have followed almost religiously and it was fun to dig back into the start of the show. Finished season 1 today so this is my retrospective.

One of the things that strikes me is how well the show had already formulated the characters. The pilot is honestly excellent and it did the things right that we needed to. Firstly, it established that the main detectives were not buffoons'. They were all competent and smart detectives. This was established from the very first scene with Jake and Amy at the electronics store. Jake could have easily come off as an obnoxious idiot if he wasn't so good at his job. And this is one element of the show that has been carried throughout. Jake, Rosa, Charles, Terry, Amy, Holt etc... are all very different characters but they are all very competent detectives/captains/sergeants so their professional worth is never in question. The show really figured out its characters very early. I think only Jake and to an extent Charles required a bit of fine tuning. With Charles, I think the only issue was with his slightly creepy obsession with Rosa. But the showrunners and writers seemed to realize this midway through the season and they moved him away from that. With Jake, Andy Samberg, Goor, and Schur have all admitted that it took them a few episodes to figure out what tone to strike with Jake. There were a couple of episodes where he was a little hard to take. But I think starting with Old School, they seemed to hit the right tone with the character. And after that Jake has been my fav on the show. A goofball with a heart of gold.

The show also hit its strides in terms of quality fairly quickly. I think the above two episodes had some questionable things. Certainly I don't think some of the stuff in 48 Hours holds up very well. However, starting with Halloween, the show had a very consistently strong season with some genuine all time B99 classics such as Halloween, The Pontiac Bandit, The Bet, Tactical Village etc... I was also surprised how many of the things we love about the show were established so early. Halloween was episode 6 and became an annual tradition. I still consider the first Halloween the second best of all the Halloween episodes. The Vulture first appeared in episode 5. Craig Robinson's Pontiac Bandit also became a recurring feature after appearing in episode 12. Title of sex tape joke started from Halloween as well.

Also to note are the characters and the relationships being so well developed. All the characters genuinely feel like they had lived in friendships. The Holt and Jake dynamic, which is the crux of the show, gets the father and son flavor very early. In episode 2 itself, Holt makes a comparison to how a deputy commissioner lets his son get away with anything as a way to teach Peralta how that is a bad thing. By establishing this dynamic early, I knew I was hooked. They also inserted character quirks that made me feel attached to certain characters. I knew I loved Terry when I saw his freakout and his fear of getting shot. It was a lovely way of grounding him. Amy's need for attention from Holt and being a total teacher's pet is totally something that made her adorable. Charles and his love for food was also gave him a distinct characteristic. Gina was Chelsea Peretti with a different name. That in itself made the character unique due to her personality. She was not necessarily always my favorite character but

The show also did a fantastic job establishing the beginnings of the peraltiago romance. The Bet is one my favorite episodes of the show till date. The rooftop scene is so naturally enacted that it doesn't even feel like acting. Plus, Melissa Fumero is so naturally adorable that I could totally see myself in Jake's shoes, falling for Amy. That dynamic is gradually built up in 'Operation: Broken Feather', 'Unsolvable', and then in 'Charges and Specs'. The scene in the finale where Jake confesses his feeling for Amy is incredibly sweet and Andy Samberg doesn't get enough credit for how well he does at nailing romantic sincerity throughout the show. In that scene he manages to deliver a performance where you can see that Jake is vulnerable and is uncomfortable with his emotions but feels he has to say them before leaving. It also showed the growth of his character over the season that he delivers it with as much maturity as he does.

I liked how the first season gave a full arc on the Holt and Jake relationship with Jake reaching a point where he trusted Holt unquestioned when Holt asked him to get fired on purpose. It was an interesting cliffhanger as well so it made me real excited for season 2. I think season 1 is arguably the 2nd or 3rd best season of the show. Barring a couple of episodes towards the beginning of the season, the quality of the rest is top notch and I had a blast rewatching it. On to season 2. Season 1 was a 9/10.

[longitudinalwaveme]

The CW Rogues: My Biggest Gripe With the 2014 Flash Show

In many ways, the CW Flash show is what got me into comics. While I had watched (and loved) Justice League and Justice League Unlimited and read loads of DC guidebooks as a kid, it wasn’t until I saw a clip from the 2014 CW Flash show that I really got invested in the DC Universe. While I had already started watching B:TAS (and loving it), Batman wasn’t what got me into comics. No, that was the Flash...or rather, it was Captain Cold. While watching a clip from the Justice League episode Flash and Substance on YouTube, I saw a link to a clip from “Family of Rogues” (from Season 2 of CW’s Flash). Intrigued by the premise, I found the show on Netflix, watched the entire episode, and was hooked. Not only was the Flash just as nice as he had been on Justice League, but two of his Rogues were siblings, and they actually cared about one another. I wanted to know more, so I looked Captain Cold and the Golden Glider up. My research into Cold and Glider led me to the other Rogues, and soon I became a Flash fan. I watched the show, I re-watched “Flash and Substance”, I read articles about the characters from the comics...and eventually, I started reading the comics themselves. I loved the characters and the lore, and I enjoyed the generally lighthearted tone of the books even into the modern era. Unfortunately, as I learned more about the comics, I grew less and less interested in the 2014 TV show. It made too many alterations to character I liked in the comics...and eventually, I basically stopped watching the show out of frustration. Ironically enough, by getting me into comics, the show alienated me from itself....and a big reason for that was the way it handled the Rogues. Here’s a rundown of the CW Rogues, and why I was frustrated with most of them. 

1. Captain Cold. I actually enjoy Captain Cold on the CW show; he’s recognizable as Len Snart and his sarcasm game is on point. (It doesn’t hurt that Wentworth Miller is really attractive, either). His relationships with Lisa, Mick, and Barry are fantastic, and it’s a relief to have him be treated as a competent threat. That being said...he’s a bit too suave for Captain Cold, isn’t he? Silver Age Cold thought he was suave, but he wasn’t; and modern Captain Cold is middle-aged, grouchy, and very rough around the edges. His smooth, suave nature reminds me more of classic Sam (the original Mirror Master) than Captain Cold. 

2. Heat Wave. Dominic Purcell did a great job with the role he was given, and physically he’s an excellent match for Mick. That being said, CW Mick is very different from the Mick in the classic comics, who was a bit dim-witted and rather gentle and sweet for a supervillain. CW Mick, by contrast, is, as I think @gorogues put it, “Hothead McAngryman”, which wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t seem to have bled back into the comics themselves. Villains with fire powers being hotheads is a bit overdone, so I’m not thrilled to see comic Mick being put into that role. 

3. Golden Glider. Hands down, Lisa is my favorite of the CW Rogues. Despite the fact that her costume and power set are completely different than they were in the comics, they managed to get her personality down pretty well; making her just as dangerous and competent as the boys. Flirtatious, crafty, devious, and yet still at least somewhat sympathetic, the CW version of Lisa Snart takes home the gold for the best adaptation of a Rogue. If only they hadn’t completely forgotten that she existed. 

4. Pied Piper. Note that I have not seen his Season 6 appearance, so I’m just judging this based on his appearances in Seasons 1 and 2. Piper is disappointing; in his first appearance he wasn’t as fun as Silver/Bronze Age Piper or as sympathetic as modern Piper, and I’m not crazy about the idea of him being motivated primarily by revenge on Wells/Thawne, since that wasn’t his motivation in the comics at all. I also don’t remember him being able to puppet or hypnotize people with his music, which is too bad, since that’s his main schtick in the comics. What’s more, if you want to reform a character, don’t do it offscreen via reality warping and then forget about him for four seasons. It sounds like his Season 6 appearance was better, but I haven’t seen it so I can’t comment on it. Also, “the Pied Piper” is kind of a nonindicative name if he doesn’t play a pipe/flute. 

5. Trickster II (Axel Walker). Axel was actually decent in the CW show. I still like comic Axel better, but they got the gist of his character down and even made him a bit sympathetic. In fact, he’s probably in the top three best Rogue adaptations that the CW did. 

6. Trickster I (James Jesse). I love watching Mark Hamill play CW’s Trickster...but man, he is not playing Giovanni Giuseppi on the CW show. He’s playing the Joker with a different name. It’s especially weird since we know from JLU and that one short where Mark Hamill plays himself, the Joker, the Trickster, and Swamp Thing that Hamill can do a non-Joker Trickster and do it well, so my suspicion is that it was just because Trickster was also the Joker in the 1990s Flash show (where he was also played by Mark Hamill). Regardless, murdering random people and threatening to blow up small children during Christmas is not something the Trickster should be doing. 

Although this does prove Mark Hamill could do a live-action Joker. I’d pay money to see that. Mark Hamill is a great Joker. 

7. Weather Wizard. CW Weather Wizard isn’t egregiously bad. He’s not out-of-character like Trickster, and he’s not boring to watch, but at the same time it feels like there’s something missing. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t quote Twain. Maybe it’s because there’s not the sense that he was a loser before he got his powers. Maybe it’s because they changed his origin completely (and also made him older than Clyde for some reason). It could even be because he’s not wearing a green leotard with a huge collar, puffy sleeves, and ridiculous elf boots. Whatever it is, though, he’s just missing that spark that makes me like comic book Wizard so much. 

8. Mirror Master I (Sam Scudder). I don’t know how you make Sam Scudder more boring than New 52/Rebirth did, but somehow the CW version of the character pulled it off. Granted, Cold had already stolen some of Sam’s characterization, so that didn’t help, but they could’ve leaned into his skills as an inventor or his love of showmanship or something. Instead, we got a generic thug with what was basically Evan McCulloch’s power set. Boo! Boo I say! 

9. Top (Roscoe/Rosa Dillon). The Brave and the Bold Top is more interesting than the CW version, and he doesn’t even have spoken lines! That’s how boring this Top is. Also, the gender swap was pretty pointless. I wouldn’t have minded a female Top if she’d been intelligent and creepy and snobbish in the way that Roscoe is, but why even bother changing the gender if the character is going to have such a minor role? They also substantially depowered the CW Top, since Rosa can’t spin at super speed and isn’t telekinetic. A massive missed opportunity. 

10. Mirror Master II (Evan/Eva McCulloch). I can’t comment on how good of a character Eva is, since I haven’t watched any of the episodes with her in them, but I will say I am disappointed that the character does not seem to be Scottish, does not have Evan’s weird sense of humor, and lacks his tooth gap. 

11. Captain Boomerang (George “Digger” Harkness). Not only did he not actually appear on the Flash, but he was also boring and didn’t even seem to have an Australian accent. I was very disappointed with his role in the CW. 

And now for characters who aren’t Rogues: 

-CW Eobard is really good. I have no real complaints about him. 

-CW Grodd is also really good, though I do wish he was from Gorilla City as per the comics rather than a lab experiment. 

-CW Magenta got most of the important character beats down but felt a bit out of place with Barry as the Flash. 

-CW Shade was possibly even more boring than CW Sam, which is saying something. 

-CW Zoom didn’t really feel like Zoom at all. Not only was it weird to see him fighting Barry and not Wally, but he was just a generic serial killer and didn’t have Zolomon’s unique outlook on the world. The loss of his time manipulation powers was likewise disappointing.

-CW Jay is really good. I love him. 

-CW Jesse Quick has very little in common with her comic book counterpart; I like the comic version better but don’t actually mind the CW version all that much.

-CW Wally is decent enough, though I don’t see why they couldn’t have kept him as Iris’ nephew rather than making him her brother. Also, they didn’t use him nearly as much as they should have. 

-CW Barry I generally like a lot; Grant Gustin is a good fit for the character. That being said, I do wish they hadn’t given him the dead mom origin, which was a retcon I am not fond of. 

-CW Iris is quite good (in the first three seasons, at least); she’s intelligent, loyal to Barry, dedicated to her job, and quite independent. The fact that she and Barry were foster siblings in the CW universe is kind of weird, though, since it makes their romance kind of awkward. 

-Joe West is not Ira West (Iris’s father in the comics), but I actually don’t care. Joe West is made of awesome. (I like Ira too, but I like Joe enough that I don’t mind having him replace Ira.)

-The Fiddler on the CW had very little to do with the comic Fiddler. 

-I’ve never been particularly invested in the Thinker (comic or show), but I will say that the CW’s version of the character was very different from his comics counterpart. 

-CW Ragdoll was just as creepy and unsettling as comic book Ragdoll, though he had a very different backstory. 

-I never expected Baby Josh to make it into the CW, let alone as a gender-swapped teenager named Joss who wanted to kill Weather Wizard. It felt like they never knew where to go with her character, though, so it was a wasted opportunity. At least she didn’t die like poor Baby Josh, though. 

-Big Sir in the CW show is a MASSIVE improvement over the comic version. This is probably the only character I will say this about. Though I will say that I kind of wish he’d gotten his stupidly ugly comic book costume even though it would’ve made no sense. 

-Peek-a-Boo is a pretty solid adaptation of her comic book counterpart. 

-Rainbow Raider (Prism) is much better in the comics than on the CW show, where he only existed to be a boring plot device. 

-Linda Park dating Barry was weird, but they actually did a good job with her character before she vanished.

This is not intended as a criticism of anyone who likes the show or its characters; it’s just me musing about my personal problems with it. 

[totallyjazzed]

Analysing Copaganda (or "I watched seven seasons of Brooklyn 99 so you don't have to")

Introduction:

Several months ago my parents approached me asking if I wanted to watch Brooklyn 99, not knowing anything about it, my first instinct was to say no, but then I thought it would be interesting, to watch it and write a proper analysis for exactly what makes it propaganda and why it gives liberals brain worms. If you've spent any amount of time engaging with politics online for the last few years, you've likely already heard of Brooklyn 99. It's a sitcom written by Michael Schur, who previously wrote The Office (I'll get to that later), Parks & Recreation, and The Good Place. The show follows the lives of a squad of police detectives in Brooklyn and the wacky hijinks they get up to.

Brooklyn 99 has become famous, or arguably infamous, on Tumblr (and potentially other social media websites too) for being used as a "retort" to anti-cop sentiments (namely ACAB and any variation thereof), mainly taking the form of "the only good cop is Raymond Holt". In this essay (to use a funny Tumblr meme phrase) I will provide a brief overview of the show and the main characters, and analyse how the show, and each character individually, is pro-cop propaganda (copaganda).

The Show:

Brooklyn 99 is The Office, at least from what I understand about The Office. It’s a sitcom based in a workplace in which characters often pull pranks on each other and have wacky adventures pertaining to their job. The main thing that sets it apart from The Office is that the workplace in question is a police station, this makes it a cop show too. However, unlike more “classic” cop shows like CSI, Law & Order, The Wire, and so on, B99 doesn’t seek to glorify it’s characters as action heroes, but rather paint them as normal people living normal lives. This is far more insidious than the picture of the gnarled man of action who doesn’t play by the book, and by making the characters relatable the show gives viewers people to project onto, making them more vulnerable to the propaganda of the show.

Occasionally, in a break from the antics of Relatable Immature Prankster Archetype and Funny Overly Attached Best Friend Archetype, the show will attempt to say something about racism, or homophobia, or misogyny, or something like that, and while it usually feels well-meaning it often falls flat as it’s a watered-down safe-for-TV version of whatever the issue du jour is. 

In S4E16 (“Moo Moo”), Terry is harassed by a racist cop while he doesn’t have his badge, and is almost arrested until he manages to prove his cop status, the rest of the episode revolves around how racism is bad and that one singular racist cop is a problem, in the end Terry submits a complaint to the NYPD higher-ups and gets his job application denied, and the racist cop gets away with a slap on the wrist. Throughout the show, Captain Holt tells stories about how he suffered from racism and homophobia, and still does. Transphobia is mentioned once (presumably for brownie points) in a throwaway line about Ace Ventura.

At the end of Season 4, Jake and Rosa are framed for a series of bank robberies and sent to prison, and the first two episodes of Season 5 work to show that prison is bad and prisoners are mistreated, they also make abundantly clear that everyone in prison is a menace and deserves to be there (Jake’s cellmate is a literal cannibal and he’s shown to be one of the nice inmates), once the duo are released from jail, there are a few lines here and there about how prison is bad, but they’re only throwaways used to serve as one-off jokes and never again used as an actual critique of the prison system.

Police Brutality is never mentioned, the closest it comes to bringing it up is in S1E19 (“Tactical Village”), where Rosa is introduced to a sonic-blast weapon and aims it as Charles, this is clearly supposed to be a very harmful piece of equipment, but it's only appearance is treated as a joke.

There are also recurring gags about Defense Lawyers being “the enemy” because they only defend guilty parties (the show heavily implies that none of the squad has ever arrested the wrong person), which meshes with the harmful stereotype in cop shows of only guilty people saying for a lawyer or a warrant or whatever, which has been documented before by others.

The Characters:

Jake Peralta (played by Andy Samberg) is the Relatable Immature Prankster Archetype I mentioned before, he’s the office funnyman and usually responsible for the majority of the goings-on and goings-wrong in the show, while he does mature and evolve through the show he never grows out of this character. He’s the closest the show gets to the “gnarled man of action who doesn’t play by the book” character I mentioned before, not because he is that character but because he wants to be, his favourite movie is Die Hard and it’s the reason he joined the police, so he could be like the cool bruce willis man. He’s also the most unlawful character on the show, in S1E7 (“48 Hours”), he arrests a man with no evidence and the squad is essentially locked down until evidence can be found, in the end it turns out the man is guilty. Jake is scolded for this, not for essentially breaking the law, but for wasting everyone’s time when they had much better things to do that night. Jake’s character is propaganda because he’s the zany relatable one with a heart of gold.

Amy Santiago (played by Melissa Fumero) is the overly-organised hyper-nerd archetype, in direct opposition to Jake. Her dream is to be the NYPD’s youngest female captain, and she’s very “I want to keep the people safe” in her approach to policing. In S3E3 (“Boyle’s Hunch”), she is used as the face of the NYPD’s poster campaign, only to have her image vandalised, which is painted by the show as being very bad and sad. Amy’s character is propaganda because she’s the uptight peacekeeper who sticks to the rules.

Charles Boyle (played by Joe Lo Truglio) is the Funny Overly Attached Best Friend Archetype I mentioned before, often depicted as bumbling and naive, he’s an incredibly competent detective, arguably more so than Jake. He’s usually polite and friendly, and has moments of childishness that compliment Jake’s character. Charles’ character is propaganda because he’s the nice guy who just wants what’s best for everyone.

Raymond Holt (played by Andre Braugher) is probably the character most people are aware of, he’s a somewhat stuck-up man who embodies a lot of the same characteristics as Amy, he’s highly-educated, incredibly smart and quick-witted, and emotionally restrained. Originally presented as an outsider, being the new guy to the pre-existing friendgroup, he learns to relax and let go over the course of the show, and acts almost as a father figure to the other characters, primarily Jake and Amy. Raymond’s character is propaganda because he’s a black gay cop.

Rosa Diaz (played by Stephanie Beatriz) is tough, aloof, and often scary in the eyes of the other characters, she is shown to have problems with engaging with people socially, particularly romantically, and while her exterior is rough as uncaring, she’s shown to be fiercely loyal and have some not-so-tough secrets. In Season 5 she comes out to the squad as Bisexual. Rosa’s character is propaganda because she’s the no-nonsense tough cop who secretly has a heart of gold.

Terry Jeffords (played by Terry Crews) is a kind and caring man with a firm-but-fair attitude, acting as Holt’s second-in-command he also acts as a father figure to the other characters, he has two (eventually three) children which he is often seen gushing about. He is the most mature of the group, on-par with Holt in some respects but sometimes more so, refusing to take part in hijinks to focus on his job. Terry’s character is propaganda because he’s the physically strong and imposing, yet kind cop who just wants to provide for his family.

Michael Hitchcock (played by Dirk Blocker) and Norm Scully (played by Joel McKinnon Miller) are an inseparable pair of bumbling, lazy, oafs. Scully is fat, lazy, and old, Hitchcock is lecherous, lazy, and old. They’re propaganda because they’re the lazy incompetent cop archetype.

There are plenty of minor recurring characters, as well as Gina Linetti, a main character who left after Season 6, however as she’s a liaison and not a cop I won’t be analysing her in detail.

There’s a lot more I could have mentioned here, from the dirty cop that sense Jake and Rosa to jail, or the police commissioner who wants to spy on everyone’s phones all at once, Holt even says the line “I don’t want to live in a Police State”, but I’ve left them out for the sake of brevity.

Conclusion:

Brooklyn 99 is copaganda to it’s very core, this much everyone already knows, but unlike serious cop dramas and high-stakes high-action cop shows, Brooklyn 99 offers viewers an escape to a world where the police are the force for good that people want them to be. The premise of “The Office but police” suckers people in with nostalgia for the late 2000s/early 2010s back when things were “good”. Given Michael Schur’s previous work I imagine he and the other writers didn’t explicitly set out to make copaganda, but it’s undeniable that this is what was achieved. And now with the political climate being what it is and the threat of a potential Season 8 addressing this year’s BLM protests, it’s now more important than ever to be able to identify and root out police propaganda, no matter how unassuming, no matter the source.

[danwhobrowses]

General Discussion: All Elite Wrestling (AEW) Part 2

This is a part 2 of a recent dump of stuff I’m talking about in regards to AEW, if you want to see my critiques and comments in hindsight about AEW Check it out on part 1 -> Here Part 2 is gonna revolve around the future, immediate and long-term, starting with the upcoming All Out PPV

All Out 2020

Criticisms about the Buy In aside, All Out still looks like a heavily stacked card, which is always a positive. I do worry a little that the Tooth and Nail match’s addition will cut into others’ time so hopefully everyone gets a good amount, but if people criticise some matches for being too short remember that fan demand insisted that the same Swole/Baker match be on the paid card rather than having a lot of time to show it for free. And as much as people criticise AEW’s women, the women’s matches are among the top 5 most anticipated matches on the card, probably only behind the tag title and world title match, isn’t that a great thing? Not to mention that the women’s title match encourages AEW/NWA relations, which really would make wrestling better if wrestlers could be more fluid in their appearances. But anyway, All Out is something I look forward to, so let’s break down some predictions? (if you’re wondering why I’m not just doing this on a podcast or something, my voice is not the dulcet flowing river of articulation my writing would imply to be, I like having time and proofing my words, plus if I talk to much my tongue swells and I stutter, stammer and suck at eye contact) So my thoughts for the full card

Predictions

The Buy In

Casino Battle Royale - Eddie Kingston. While I’d be down for Fénix, Pentagon, Archer or even a new or returning face like PAC to win, I think Kingston is the safe bet. The man talks like liquid and his match with Cody brought a lot of eyes to the product. This will continue and start new hostilities, but don’t expect anyone who has faced Moxley before to win, AEW don’t do title rematches so much.

Private Party vs Dark Order (Silver and Reynolds) - this quickly put-together match is going to Private Party, because Silver and Reynolds are enhancement tag teams still, they can win but they won’t win often. Plus the more Silver loses the more bits he’ll have with Brodie on BTE and those are gold.

Main Card

Tooth and Nail - Britt Baker, I expect the cinematic match to have shenanigans but also protect Baker in the midst of her injury recovery. While Swole has been doing the physical lifting of the feud I think having Britt lose on her return could be the wrong choice in the long run.

Dark Order vs The Nightmare Family - Dark Order, Brodie has elevated the tag team to the point where they are a big faction, and they need the big win for this. Cardona, Sky and the Natural Nightmares can take this loss too, but I’d expect QT or Dustin to take the fall for this. Bonus prediction that Tay Conti will indeed join the Dark Order with Anna Jay, leading to them beating down Brandi and Allie at ringside (setting up a women’s tag feud that’d explain why they were kept on other sides of the Deadly Draw bracket)

The Young Bucks vs Jurassic Express - This one I have Jurassic Express, it may be an upset because the Bucks are still reeling from Hangman’s betrayal, this can also lead to the Bucks being more heelish to accompany a Cleaner Kenny Omega. Keep your eye on Jungle Boy, AEW are still hot on him for good reason, this’ll be a huge scalping for Jurassic Express if they pull it off.

Broken Rules - A tough one, but I’m gonna stick with the Multifarious Matt Hardy. I don’t think he wants to end his career just yet and AEW would be foolish to let him go. Plus technically Sami is 2-0 in this feud, so it won’t hurt Sami too much to win in Hardy’s wheelhouse.

Mimosa Mayhem - Another tough one to put down the middle, I am gonna go with Orange Cassidy though. I think Jericho wants to amend the sloppy finish Cassidy’s win had and this’ll make for good comedy to see Jericho (and maybe Hager) flailing around in Mimosa

Women’s Title - I will be happy with either winning, but my heart says Shida. Mainly because I think Britt is the one who should take it from her, their last match was a banger after all. Rosa won’t look weak though, they may even have Shida challenge for the NWA women’s title down the line.

Tag Titles - FTR. That’s it, that’s all you need to know. Hangman’s head is out of the game and Kenny is becoming the Cleaner, it’s time for this schism to start properly, they’ve held it for about a year as well, it’s time.

World Title (Moxley cannot use Paradigm Shift) - It’s easy to say MJF, he is the home breed future and Moxley has had a long run defeating tougher opponents, but I am thinking that Moxley will retain. This is mainly because the odds are so stacked against him, he’ll eke out a win despite MJF’s trickery. The challenger will look fantastic to prove that he will be champion some day, but not today. Instead I think MJF will be thwarted by miscommunication, and as he hinted at during his tag match with Jurassic Express, will split from Wardlow for his ‘fatal error’. Then we’ll get Moxley vs Kingston which can be just as fantastic.

Looking to the Future So ‘looking to the future’ is not gonna all be direct consequences of All Out, some of it is just stuff I’d like to see happen, not all of it has to and my enjoyment isn’t killed from it, but certain things would make AEW better in my opinion. Business Relations So of course it’d be great to have more working relationships with other brands, AEW is already close to OWE and AAA, getting NWA on board would be a good step to establishing good relationships with ROH as well, maybe even NJPW. On the women’s side it’d be nice if they made more solid ties with Cyberfight - which has DDT Pro, TJPW and NOAH, maybe even Stardom, Sendai Girls, EVE and Ice Ribbon. More relationships would offer wrestlers not working Dynamite or Dark to perhaps represent elsewhere. In this representing it’d be great to see more outside titles being shown, it’s free advertising really. Thunder Rosa will for sure be carrying her NWA Women’s title but wouldn’t it be cool if other brand titles could be carried; Kenny carrying his AAA title with the tag titles, Cardona his Internet title, Lucha Bros their HOG and AAA Tag titles, Big Swole her Phoenix of Rise title, Moxley his NJPW US title (though I expect him to lose to KENTA soon), Rosa’s TJPW International Princess title as well and Yuka Sakazaki’s TJPW Princess of Princess Title. It may be me but seeing these titles does add an air of legitimacy to the competitors, showing how successful they are overseas while promoting other promotions. I’d also like to pitch a ‘Locked Down’ mini show or segment where AEW could show what their international talent is doing, Emi Sakura’s ChocoPro could be a light hearted segment, PAC could do some solid promos and like showing the titles, it’d expose the roster as talented. New Signings Someone just has to do good to have people ask for AEW to sign them, but in some cases it would be cool to sign them up. Of the frequent flyers right now AEW would be mad not to sign Ivelisse and Diamante, and I’ve already expressed my hopes that they sign Will Hobbs, Serpentico, Shawn Dean, Brian Pillman Jr, Kilynn King, Tay Conti, Veda Scott, Nicole Savoy/Lil’ Swole and Pineapple Pete, but it’d also be good business to at least call up Renee Paquette/Good/Young and Mauro Ranallo, even if it is for some guest appearances. Signing the likes of Danhausen, Warhorse, ‘Speedball’ Mike Bailey, Millie McKenzie, Laura Di Matteo, Lana Austin, Jamie Hayter, Chris Brookes, Maki Itoh, Miyu Yamashita, Mirio (if he wants to come back into wrestling) and AR Fox. This being said, this should only ease into the Second Show, where we can expose more of the current roster as well. Speaking of Which. (A Few) New Accolades With a bigger division will require more competition. Not all of them need to be titles but something to be fought for. MJF’s Diamond Ring and Cage’s FTW title can help in that matter, but I think a Trios Accolade would be next in line for AEW. This would open the door for more teams to compete; The Elite, Jurassic Express, Best Friends, SCU, Dark Order, Nightmare Family, Death Triangle etc. would still keep it competitive and open the door for more stories of faction warfare. Since this is only my thoughts I would love to see the tag division be intergender too but I wouldn’t hold my breath on that. If we do move to this though PLEASE use whoever designed the world and tag belt, not the TNT belt. Faction Bolstering AEW are looking at the NJPW formula or big factions going into war or tensions with one another, which is good since it does make for lines to be written in the sand. But I think the factions can just be a little bit bigger in some places, and some are easy to add in already. Conti joins Dark Order for 2 women there, have Ivelisse and Diamante join the Inner Circle so we have full LAX (plus Ivelisse tagged with Sammy in LU), Statlander can pair with Best Friends and renew BTE’s skits of her and Orange Cassidy’s palpable sexual tension, I would also enjoy the thought of TH2 joining with Kip and Penelope just to be a faction of talented arseholes. May be the crass side of me, but I also seem to want Brian Pillman Jr to join the Gunn Club simply so we can have an entrance theme that starts ‘Someone call 911, Pillman’s got a Gunn’, Vickie Guerrero could grow her managing of Nyla to an all women ‘Las Guerreras’ faction maybe with Kilynn King, Shaul Guerrero, Abadon or someone else would be a decent move in my books but an exciting faction I can see clearly is a Moxley faction with Darby Allin and Lance Archer. Imagine having Jake the Snake taking care of all that, oh yes is that the good stuff. Future Feuds We’ll end with talking about some feuds I hope to see down the line too, even if they’re not set up already. I’ve already expressed my want for Kingston vs Moxley but another Kingston feud I see in the making is against PAC, Kingston is the man with the plan but PAC will want his Death Triangle buddies back. Speaking of, Moxley could use some bangers with Fenix and Pentagon, both are megastars. While the tag division is looking like it’ll lead to FTR vs Bucks, I think the bigger money is FTR vs Bucks vs Hangman and Kenny first, with Kenny having the Elite ties and Hangman with the FTR ties the storytelling would be ridiculously immense. This thought almost made me pick Hangman and Kenny to win at All Out...almost. I would expect a lot of title defenses from Mr. Brodie Lee, particularly from Cardona but I’d love it if Jungle Boy was the one to win it from him, and for JB to face Sammy Guevara, of the 4 Young Prospects of AEW I don’t think Sammy and JB have gone 1-on-1, could be wrong but Sammy usually went for Darby and JB to MJF, Fénix vs JB would be excellent also. Luchasaurus is also due his hoss match with the Butcher, as well as further conflict with Cage and Archer Also I’d like Shida vs Conti, both are very martial arts-like in their wrestling especially the latter so it would be a good physical match. But yeah, that’s out of my system for now, we’ve talked some good, some bad and some middle, don’t think it matters to anyone but I’ve said my piece Bring on All Out!

[doeeyeddarlingxo]

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 14

The Myriad Misadventures of a Midgardian Queen-In-Training - Chapter 14

AO3 | Previous | Next

Word Count: 1733

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Rating: T

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 14

You’re late. The first event of the whole goddamn competition, and you’re running late. If it gets you disqualified, great, but what if it gets you vaporized, or vanished (or something)? With those lovely images in mind, you race down the hall, sliding to a stop just outside the ballroom doors.

The music floats through the door, along with enough chatter for you to estimate how full the ballroom actually is - too full for comfort. But you’re dressed, and you’re here - and, besides, you didn’t run down however many flights of stairs to get here just to turn around and run.

So you breathe.

And you step forward.

And you place a hand on each of the doors, pushing gently until they open in front of you.

Immediately, your stomach drops. There are even more people than you’d expected, all in opulent animal costumes - a menagerie of guests. By the bottom of the staircase, a woman in a snakeskin ensemble clinks glasses with a man dressed as a mouse; the dance floor is teeming with feathered headdresses and fur coats, hair teased and makeup applied with a heavy hand.

The herald mistakes your intimidation for fear of tardiness. “Don’t worry, milady, you’ve arrived just in time. May I have your name?” You tilt your head at him questioningly. “To announce.”

“In a moment.” You want to take a second to scan the scene. Everyone is masked except for the other Chosen girls: there’s Rosa by the punch bowl, in her sexed-up bunny getup, though you can’t help but notice she has more skin on display than fabric. Rhea looks serenely, but alert, dressed as a cat; Irina, of course, chose a horse, her hair braided on the sides so that the back is loose in a mohawk-esque “mane.” Juliette is a koi fish, you think, the myriad of brightly colored fabrics setting off her fiery locks to perfection. Lexie is a wolf, Sapphire a fox (or maybe Sapphire’s a wolf, and Lexie’s a fox - it’s hard to tell from here), and Li appears to be a panther, sleekly magnificent in a black-and-gold ensemble, all chatting on some of the couches in the back. 

Everyone looks so much older in person than in their pictures; not old old, but mature. Sexy. Like they know what they’re doing. You're left standing there in the doorway in your soft browns and tans, feeling young and foolish and very, very small.

“And what are you?”  

Of course. You attempt to conceal your discomfort at his proximity - he’s barely two inches away. “A deer...my lord.”

It comes out as more of a question - getting used to court-speak is going to take more than a few days - but Walden laughs it off. “How charming.”

“Thank you. Your costume…” He is, in fact, costume-less, clad only in his typical uniform. “That is to say, you look very...nice?” Maybe if I’m nice, he’ll leave me alone?

“Thank you, thank you. You know, Lady (Y/N) - no need to look so shocked, it wasn’t hard to recognize you at all - for the past few days, I have been unable to dismiss you from my mind.”

“Oh?” Don’tpanicdon’tpanicdon’tpanic

He leans in, his lips brushing your ear. It’s too public a setting for you to defend yourself - you can’t do anything but stand there, paralyzed. “In fact - ”

“Miss, your name?” 

Thank God. “Um, (Y/N). Of America. I mean, the United States of America.”

He nods, turning to announce it to the room. Before you emerge from the shadows, Walden leans in one more time. “Be sure to save at least one dance for me.”

You pretend not to hear him, smiling as brightly as you can as you make your way down the stairs. Most, if not all, of the heads in the room turn to watch your descent. To your relief, the staircase is short, and your moment in the spotlight ends quickly, too quickly for your nerves to really kick in.

“Now that all of our Chosen ones have arrived, we will begin our first partnered dance of the evening!” calls the announcer. “Gentlemen, now is the time to seek out the lady of your choice.”

“Milady?” The owner of this new voice stands behind you, looking down with a charming grin. “May I have this dance?” Where do I know that voice from? 

“Of - of course.” You take his offered elbow and allow him to lead you to the dance floor, where a slow waltz has begun. His cape is covered in large black feathers that gleam green where they catch the light. Beneath it, he wears a well-fitted suit, with a black top hat and black feathered mask obscuring the entire top half of his face - you can barely see his eyes at all. “You’re a raven.” 

He nods. “And you?”

“A deer, my lord." There, you think triumphantly, that sounded almost natural.

He appraises you with raised eyebrows, mildly amused. “More fawn than doe, I should think. You’re far too young to be here.”

"Excuse me?" You’re more than a little insulted. Yes, you are the youngest of the contestants here, but you don’t look that young. More than a few times, salesclerks at home have mistaken you for a college student, or an intern. Maybe it's just the costume. “I’m sixteen. Old enough - according to the paperwork, at least.”

He smirks. “Ah. So you’re Lady (Y/N), then.”

“I - yes. Yes, I am, my lord.” You say the last bit with a smidge of resentment - this man is obviously a member of the court, the very people that decided upon the age minimum. Who is he to criticize you? "And you are?"

He laughs, twisting back to look at you as he leads you onto the dance floor. "You already told me."

"What?"

"You guessed my costume already."

"I asked who you are, not what. I'm talking names."

"Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of a disguise?" he asks, gesturing to his outfit and mask. 

You purse your lips to the side, shrugging. “I’m just trying to level the playing field a bit.” 

He skims the room, his gaze lingering a moment on each of the other women. “I’m not the one you’re competing against.”

“Excuse me?” Did I ask for your sass? You only stop dancing for a moment, but it’s enough for you to stumble when he continues to move. He practically carries you the next few steps, sweeping you around the room as you clutch him for balance, until he finally leads you to the edge of the floor so that you can have a second to collect yourself.

“Your wit is matched only by your grace, I see,” he quips. You glare at him. "I promise you, Lady (Y/N), you will know my name by the end of the evening."

"You swear?" You extend your pinky. He stares at it, unsure of how to respond. I guess they don't do pinky promises where he's from. You blush - how immature must you seem to him? "It's, um, an American thing, I guess. You stick out your pinky finger, like this, see, and then we hook them together like that - " A spark of electricity jumps from his finger to yours, and you both flinch. Almost immediately, you turn up to meet his gaze. His hat has slipped back, revealing the glimmer of a faint smile in his startlingly green eyes.

His eyes. His voice. 

Holy -

"You - you're - "

He cocks his head. "Am I?"

"You - "

"The next dance is about to start, my lady." Instead of protesting, you allow him to place your hands for you - one in his, the other on his shoulder. He is a good dancer, you have to admit - like I have anything else to compare it to. At least, he keeps you afloat, leading you gently but firmly through the second waltz.

And the third.

And the fourth.

By the fifth, you don’t care that your feet are aching in your kitten heels, or that your hair is beginning to come loose from the delicate “ears” your maid braided it into. Because you - you, (Y/N), average 20th century teen from New York - are having a good time. Because this alien king turns out to be quite the conversationalist, though he may be a bit blunt at times. Because you only have two options at this point: stay cool, or freak out, and as much as you'd like to choose the latter, it's a little late for that. 

Besides, he really is a good dancer.

“So, um, Your Maje - ”

"Shhh." All at once, he steps forward and pulls you even closer, pressing one finger to his lips. "We mustn't ruin it for the rest of the crowd, don't you think?"

You nod mutely, all too aware of the lack of space between you two. Even through the fabric, his hand is cold on your waist, but not unpleasant. He lets his other hand drift down from your mouth, gently tracing the line of your collarbone until it disappears beneath your sleeve, at which point he simply runs his hand down your arm in one long, slow stroke. It’s done absentmindedly, like he isn’t even aware of the hypnotic effect he has.

You take a step back, blinking away the dizziness. "We’ve been dancing for a while, don’t you think? Maybe we should - "

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, we will commence the unmasking! Partners, please line up across from each other. Men on this side..yes, there we are..."

You look up at him with fear-widened eyes, and he, reading your expression, nods. “Come, I’ll show you.” As you cross to the middle of the dance floor, he leans down to whisper to you, "It's quite simple, really."

“Do we really have to?” you whisper back, eliciting another laugh. You attach yourselves to the end of the line. It actually is pretty simple, as long as you follow his lead - he bows, you curtsy, and that’s basically it. Then, both men and women reach up to carefully untie the strings of their masks in one hand, holding them in place with the other until the official signal is given.

When the masks finally come off, everyone in the ballroom gasps. For the first time since you’ve arrived, you feel everyone’s eyes on you - only this time, their gazes aren’t going anywhere.

[askthe99]

what's everyone's favourite thing about each other

Ok anon, I got everyone to organise their answers into ordered lists on lined paper and then I typed up the responses for you here!

Me

Gina: How confident she is

Rosa: She’s so cool and always has my back

Jake: How smart and fun he is

Terry: What a great leader and friend he is

Holt: See above

Charles: How passionate he is about everything he does

Hitchcock and Scully: Scully is actually really sweet

Jake

Amy: how smart and badass she is

Charles: his loyalty to his friends

Gina: she’s been there for me my whole life

Rosa: ditto for my entire career, plus she’s such a badass

Terry: he’s so great at everything, he’s such a role model for me

Holt: basically my dad

Hitchcock and Scully: How they looked after the waitress at Wingsluts

Charles

Jake: he’s my best friend and the coolest guy in the universe!!

Amy: she makes Jake happy and will one day bear their child (and she’s a good friend too I guess)

Gina: our parents may have divorced but she’s still my sister (and my ex lover of course)

Rosa: underneath everything she has a heart of gold

Terry: what a great parent he is

Holt: his strength against adversity

Hitchcock and Scully: their loyalty to each other

Terry

Amy: Terry would love her level of organisation!

Rosa: her loyalty to her friends

Jake: how smart and capable he is underneath all the immaturity (it’s very deep down, but it’s still there!)

Gina: how effortlessly she does everything

Charles: we may compete, but honestly I respect his parenting skills

Holt: how authoritative he can be

Hitchcock and Scully: uhhhhh, how good they are at... doing nothing?? (Sorry, Terry’s drawing a blank there)

Rosa

Ugh, emotions are lame, but here goes

Jake: I’ve known him for so long, I trust him more than anyone

Charles: Underneath all the crazy, he’s a sweet friend

Terry: he’s a great leader and friend

Holt: how he takes care of everyone on the squad

Hitchcock and Scully: don’t tell them I said this, but that sitting competition we had was dope

Amy: we’re the sleuth sisters, she’s super sweet and always has my back

Gina: she’s a total badass

Gina

Jake: we’re little boy holding little girls hand irl

Holt: how he never gives up

Terry: those muscles!

Amy: she’s reached an admirable level of dullness – jk, she’s a super sweet friend

Charles: how passionate he is about literally everything

Hitchcock and Scully: uhhh, sorry, drawing a blank there

Rosa: how strong and smart she is

Holt

Peralta: how much he’s grown since we met

Jeffords: his love for his friends and family

Santiago: her ambition

Hitchcock and Scully: as infuriating as they are, I’ll admit that the effort they put into their laziness is admirable in a way

Gina: the weekly gossip sessions we still have

Boyle: his passion and unique view of the world

Diaz: her confidence in who she is

Hitchcock and Scully (they wanted to do their list together)

Jake: how super cool he is

Rosa: ditto

Amy: she seems super smart (Hitchcock wanted me to add that she’s hot, but I wouldn’t let him)

Charles: he makes us cookies sometimes

Terry: how strong and smart he is

Rosa: she’s the only one who understands how tough it is to sit for as long as we do

Holt: how much he cares for everyone on the squad

Gina: who’s that? There’s no one called Gina in the precinct

[ruined-shaper]

spirit of X Swain

Duke Jericho Swain, leader of house Swain, and current ruler of the city state of Notte-Rosa

Mere moments into my planning for the buyout of house Sherion and establishment as the most powerful man in the West… no, the world. I was so close, I could feel the weight of my newfound strength, my road to endless wealth unlocked as I wrote the contract. My quill barely made a steady script, my hands trembling with an excitement I hadn’t felt in decades.

Then I hear a knock at the door. I’d never suspect it held behind it a messenger from Maridia, spirits know the Anzerani dislike my dealings. Perhaps he was submitting, hoping to arrange a marriage of our two houses? Never; splitting the wealth with him would lead to nothing of value. I must be the one to hold the strength in the west, no other…

“The Dawngate? What in Hell is ‘The Dawngate?’”

______________________________________________________________

It’s been 6 months since this… portal opened. Damn Eidolus, that blasted fool. What was he thinking? A gateway to the realm of spirits? Did he not consider the consequences of his actions? To the wellbeing of humanity? To me? To hold up my arrangements for some petty project is deplorable in itself.

But, it happened, and I shall plan accordingly. These “New Shapers” shall not impede me. What’s a few righteous villagers that control their speed? A tribesman with no allies? Illerate fools, the lot of them. Though, despicably enough, House Sherion has held our bargain for the time being. A simple matter, one that will inevitably wheel back around to my favor. A few extra gold pieces and a well-endowed whore might even be enough.

Another knock. Why do people insist on disturbing me in this chaotic time? Can’t they see I’m busy? I’ll have to inform my subordinates that I, in fact, have work to do-

“What do you mean they pulled out?!”

______________________________________________________________

It’s been another 2 weeks since that bastard’s dowry and worthless pawn became shapers. Even his blasted scientist, the lot of them! How…

How dare they…

I was so close… so close. I would have had them under my boot heel. But no.

No.

There isn’t a single useful tool at my disposal to deal with these curs…

…None at all… I’m finished. Existence made me it’s fool and left me alone to gather all of my wit, my influence, and for what? So the spirits could make fools of me?

…Beatrice, my beloved pet, what am I to do? You’ve sat there seeing all of this… poor, poor…

“…Why do you have… four eyes?”

______________________________________________________________

Beatrice, Shaper of Subjugation

Stop wasting my time, Jericho. There’s work to be done.

A powerful man, and a truly powerful bird, Jericho Swain and Beatrice enter as partners: One to forge a path, and one to walk it. Together, the world will crumble beneath them, and a new one built with their image.

Jericho Swain and Beatrice will join The Nine as Nine, The Raven.

Allies: Ronan, Xerath ( @infinite-xerath ), Kindra,  Fenmore (We share a common goal, and they are competent enough to exact it)

Friends: None.

Enemies: Mikella (Wench.), Varion (Scoundrel.), Basko (Grime.), Petrus (Thinks himself a genius, HA.), Vex (A vermin to be disposed of.)

//Oh man! Getting to headcanon a rival city state in the west? An animal shaper that isn’t anthro but is still competent? I love it.

Free to claim!

[theanticool]

Fixing Women's Bantamweight Part 2

Back in 2015 I took a look over the women’s bantamweight division, talking about how the UFC was neglecting the long term health of the division in favor of making a conveyor belt for Ronda Rousey’s title challengers. And we know how that turned out.

Just over two years later: Tate is retired, Rousey is in the WWE talking about never coming back, and Holly Holm is teetering. And now the UFC has with a champion (Amanda Nunes) they are openly unhappy with, whose contenders list is running short. Their reluctance to even attempt to build a featherweight division drives talent at 135lbs up a weight class to get fed to Cris Cyborg, derailing any momentum or potential buzz they might have created for themselves competing at 135lbs.

There are currently 23 fighters in the Women’s bantamweight division according to Wiki (I’m including Tonya Evinger and Yana Kunitskaya who are listed at 145lbs). But then there’s Amanda Lemos was suspended by USADA after her debut, who’s probably going to be a flyweight if/when she returns. She’s gone for 2 years. GDR, Correia, and Evinger are all hurt with no clear indication of return. Pena is on maternity leave. Evans-Smith is moving to flyweight - don’t see that being permanent. All of a sudden, the division has about 17-18 active fighters. But active is a word I use very loosely - of the 18 active fighters, 11 WBW have 4 or fewer fights in the UFC.

And until the UFC and major MMA gyms start going to the international women’s wrestling/judo/TKD competition and the WCWA championships and sign every woman who comes off the mat looking sad, we’re going to have to do some digging to find talent.

So in honor of Women’s History Month - here are 21 women the UFC should consider signing to jump start this division. Read after the jump

1. Sarah Kaufman (19-4) - Former Strikeforce Bantamweight Champion - For the life of me, I’ll never get the logic behind letting the Sarah Kaufman go. Yeah, I get that she isn’t the kind of fighter that is gonna make a card a must see. But she’s dependable. You know what you’re going to get out of her every time out. She’s a top ten quality women’s bantamweight that could be in interesting fights. She’s too good not be in the UFC. And I don’t buy that she’s going to be knocking off prospects in the UFC as a reason to leave her on the out because she’s already doing that on the regional scene where it’s honestly more damaging imo. Plus it’s not like there isn’t a circuit for her - fights with Cat Zingano, Tonya Evinger, Julianna Pena, GDR, and Holly Holm make all the sense in the world. She’s the best Canadian fighter available to the UFC at the moment with GSP in injury induced hiatus and RoryMac going for double gold in Bellator. She’s currently penciled in to fight for the Invicta FC bantamweight title against Katharina Lehner in May at Invicta FC 29.

2. Kelly Faszholz (4-2) - Faszholz was a victim of the UFC’s 135lb division having like 10 fighters in it. You get to the UFC with only 3 pro fights worth of experience and all of a sudden you’re fighting former Invicta FC bantamweight champion Lauren Murphy and fellow up and comer Ketlen Vieira. With some proper matchmaking, I think Faszholz would be a top 10-15 fighter right now. She’s a good sized bantamweight at 5’8 and she’s an exceptional striker (in development). Instead she went 0-2 and got the boot. She has since rebounded from her UFC stint by beating fellow UFC veteran Elizabeth Phillips. Hopefully with a good active 2018, she gets the call again.

3. Larissa Pacheco (11-2) - Pacheco’s first UFC run was terrible. She got stopped twice in completely one sided affairs, BUT her first two fights in the UFC were REDONKULOUSLY strong (even at 135lbs) Jessica Andrade and elite kickboxer Germaine De Randamie. Also, she was only 20 years old during her first run. I might have missed my mark on her potential back in the day but I still think she’s going to be a solid fighter at 135lbs and it’s insane to think she’ll never be anything good. She very recently returned to competition, submitting another top Brazilian bantamweight prospect in Karollina Rosa.

4. Antonina Shevchenko (3-0) - World Champion Muay Thai fighter - The older sister of former title challenger Valentina Shevchenko, Antonina is a stand out Muay Thai-kickboxer in her own right. A former Lion Fight Champion, she has breezed to an easy 3-0 in MMA so far. While I have no idea if she has the credentials in judo and wrestling like her younger sister, her understanding of the striking game leave her miles ahead of 97% of the women’s 135lb division. Like three others in this category, she lacks experience with credible opponents but the bottom of 135lbs isn’t short on women who I think she could beat. The 33 year old will be fighting on the Dana White’s Tuesday Night Contender Series this Summer. Helwani has hinted she’ll compete at 125lbs but I can’t see her making the weight consistently.

5. Luz Vazquez (2-0) - Olympic Freestyle Wrestler - There are two women on this list that I believe are genuine blue chip, potentially elite fighters. 29 year old Luz Vazquez is one of them. An Olympic freestyle wrestler, Vazquez is one of the more well credentialed women floating on the regional scene. Vazquez has only had two fights (and one was from 2010), but even those short samples it’s pretty clear she is a next level athlete. She’s out here knocking women down on spinning back kicks. She’s picking other women up above her head with ease for slams. She’s so much faster, stronger, and more dynamic than most women’s talent at 135lbs, it’s kind of hard not seeing her as an eventual contender with more experience. Hopefully the UFC signs her soon (and their upcoming show in Chile could be the perfect place for her to debut), or at the very least Hector Castro gets her on a regional show here in North America.

6. Marina Mokhnatkina (4-1) - 5x Sport Sambo World Champion - The other blue chip prospect on this list is Marina Mokhnatkina. A 5x time champion in sport sambo, Mokhnatkina brings a completely unique martial arts background to the women’s bantamweight division. She is an absolute force on the mat, racking up submissions in both MMA and sport sambo competition. She’s particularly fond of leg locks, winning repeatedly across the two sports with an array of knee bars, heel hooks, and ankle locks. Mokhnatkina could send a shock through the a division that is made of primarily strikers. The only thing stopping her is she signed a six fight deal with Fight Nights Global back in January. I’m not sure of FIght Nights Global’s current relationship with the UFC. She would be great for the UFC’s debut show in Russia in September if they could get her. As demonstrated in her loss to Liana Jojua, she’s got a lot of problems with her game: high risk style of grappling based entirely around leg locks and armbars, fundamentally poor striking, not a positional grappler, questions about wrestling/judo game, etc.

7. Morgane Ribout (2-0) - Judo World Champion - Next up we have a Judo World Champion in Morgane Ribout. Now while Ribout is a very accomplished judoka, it’s important to note she won a world title at about 125lbs. She’s likely to drop to flyweight should she ever make it to a big organization, and I’ve read people who follow judo say she could probably make strawweight. The reason I’m including her at all is because her two fights so far in MMA have been at bantamweight (one for the CEF bantamweight title). With French fighters like Ngannou, Duquesnoy, and Taleb finding recent success here in the States, it is time we see more women make the jump. And we’ve already seen what a good judoka can accomplish in this division. While I worry more about how here abilities transfer over than I am Vazquez and Mokhnatkina (I haven’t seen any of her fight footage outside of judo), she’s got a decade of training at the highest levels of her combat sport - a sport we’ve seen another woman enter from to great success. She seems to be taking the jump to MMA very seriously. And with how well respected Judo is in France, Ribout’s success could be the next step to getting the sport legalized in France.

8. Rizlen Zouak (3-0) - Judo Olympian - Rizlen Zouak is the first woman to ever represent Morrocco in the Olympic for judo. She’s medaled in numerous international competitions in Judo all over the world. She trains out of the MMA Factory in France, home of UFC fighters Francis Ngannou and Tom Duquesnoy. There is a lot to like about Zouak. At 31 years old, she’s still got time to develop into a really good fighter. Women’s bantamweight is weird like that. I’ve only seen her fight with Leah McCourt in Cage Warriors (her debut) so it’s hard to know for sure if she’s ready for the UFC, but based on the small sample size she probably needs the most time out of this category to get there. Hopefully she takes a few fights in 2018 and is ready for a call up by next year.

9. Liana Jojua (7-2)  - The 22 year old Georgian has a lot of Pennington/Pudilova in her. She’s dogged, will fight you in every position, and seems to have a natural comfort and pose in a tough, grueling fight. It’s what carried her to a win over 5x world Sambo Champion Marina Mokhnatkina to capture the Fight Nights Global BW title. She’s doesn’t have a standout skill set like many of the pedigreed fighters, but she does everything well enough and with enough physicality to never really be out of a fight. At only 22, she’s got a lot of time and room to grow. She’s also only been fighting since 2015, so she’s not shopworn yet. She wouldn’t be an instant shot in the arm of the division, but she is young talent that 135lbs desperately needs. Don’t let the number fool you, she should be high on Maynard’s “to sign” list.

10. Katharina Lehner (7-0) - Katharina Lehner is a 27 year old fighting out of Germany. A four year veteran as a pro, Lehner has gone 7-0 in MMA including a successful debut in Invicta that involved her knocking out Alexa Conners. Oddly enough, that’s Lehner’s only finish though. The best comparison I have for her is a more aggressive Sarah Kaufman. She’s not a fast fighter. At all. She’s a hittable target but her pace, brute strength on the inside, and combinations make her someone who’s really hard to keep at bay. Despite not being a big KO artist, she’s got some pop on her hands and her arsenal is pretty solid with the elbows she uses to close distance. I can’t help but feel she benefited a lot from Invicta’s tiny cage in her debut and I’m curious to see how her style would fare in the much bigger UFC cage. She’s going to fight Sarah Kaufman for the Invicta FC bantamweight title at Invicta FC 29 in May.

11. Julia Avila (4-0) - Julia Avila is undefeated through her short MMA career so far with wins on her resume over currently ranked bantamweight Marion Reneau and current UFC women’s flyweight champion Nicco Montano. You’d figure with a resume like that, she would have been signed already. At 5’7, she’s a pretty long 135lber that makes pretty good use of her size. She’s a pretty darn good kicker that can stay on the outside and score points with a variety of well timed kicks. I don’t think her boxing game is quite there yet but Avila’s long reach makes helps her to get the better of long exchanges at times. Does a good job of catching people at the end of her crosses (She fights both orthodox and southpaw from what I can tell). Plus she can throw a wicked knee up the middle when she’s got her timing down.

12. Shanna “Shannimal” Young (4-0) - Shannimal is a good nickname for Shanna Young. Young is a former wrestler for King College, where she did well enough to earn 6th place at the championships and get herself ranked with Team USA. She’s also got a deep background in Karate. The 27 year old really gets after the takedown. While she hasn’t rounded out many of the other parts of her grappling game, she is a dogged chaser of the takedown. Her biggest win to date was probably beating Invicta featherweight Pam Sorenson. Honestly, the edge her wrestling and raw strength gives her would make her a solid fit at the bottom of the division. I think she should be getting the call up.

13. Pannie “Sexy Scramble” Kianzad (8-3) - 26 year old Swede Pannie Kianzad has hit a really rough patch in her career. She’s already been fighting for 5 years, so she should in theory be nearing her peak as a fighter. Not a good look than that she’s lost her last three to admittedly strong competition (Kaufman, Evinger, and Pa'aluhi). Still her youth and size (5’7) make her a good fit for the UFC division which currently needs young 135lbers who won’t (can’t) drop to 125lbs when things go south. Hopefully she can rebound to grab a couple of wins in 2018 and get a call to the UFC.

14. Marciea “Black Widow” Allen (6-2) - Despite some early career setbacks, Allen has rattled off three straight victories. I do think she has Reneau-esque run to the top of the division but she’s 36, she’s on a good run, and she’s one of the more experienced 135lb woman on the local circuit. Bring her in to test a fellow UFC debutant. And if she ends up actually looking good, all the more power to her.

15. Gisele Moreira (7-3) - 37 year old Brazilian Gisele Moreira is similar to Marcia Allen. She came to the sport very late, not really starting until she was 33-34 years old. She’s racked up a record fighting who she can on the regional scene while losing to some of the better prospects on the Brazilian regional scene (Talia Santos, UFC vet Bernardo, and Bianca Daimoni). Again, I doubt she ever becomes a contender but she’s still early enough in her career where she should be improving, she’s got experience a lot of women on the regional scene don’t have, and even if she doesn’t pan out she should still be the right test for someone is making her UFC debut.  

16. Maiju Suotama (8-3) - Suotama is the type of fighter you need in building a division - a strong, come forward grappler veteran. While she may “only” have 11 fights to her resume, Suotama is has been fighting as a pro since for almost a decade. She took off for 6 years in the middle, but according to her she was training the entire time she was away. Hopefully, she’s avoided the wear and tear that comes with a decade of professional sports training by taking a hiatus. At 32, she’s probably not going to get a ton better or take off athletically but she can be a solid addition to the middle of the division in ways 135 needs right now.

17. Raquel Pa'aluhi (6-6) - At 27, it might seem like Pa’aluhi got another gear in her but she’s probably right about where she’s going to be for the rest of her career. And despite her .500 record, I don’t think that’s an indictment against her skills as a fighter. 4 of the women that Pa’aluhi has lost to have gone on to fight for UFC titles (McMann, Nunes, Kunitskaya, and Pennington). She might not be more than a journeywoman, but those are valuable when a division only has a handful of fighters. Fights need to get booked, younger fighters need a bridge between fighting some local Jane Doe and getting tossed to a Tonya Evinger. Pa’aluhi serves as the perfect bridge. Who knows? Maybe she gets some of that UFC money, can afford to train full time and hits a corner like Magny did.

18. Taila Santos (14-0) - A can crushing record but winning 14 in a row is still something in the depleted global women’s bantamweight scene. Plus she’s only 24 years old.  Took 2017 off because of pregnancy, but she’ll be back soon. Recently won a regional BJJ competition in Brazil.

19. Alexa Conners (4-2) - The two losses on her record aren’t as telling as it seems. One was a robbery in her debut and the other was a TKO loss to Lehner who came in 4lbs over weight. Conners is a powerful puncher with a decent kickboxing game. Hopefully she gets some wins in 2018 and gets the call up.

20. Mayana Kellem (7-0) - Kellem is a Brazilian bantamweight fighting out of Manaus. Has fought more than a couple of women with .500 records but has managed to win 7 straight to start career. That’s a good sign.

21. Karolline Rosa (8-2) - Recently suffered a submission loss to Larissa Pacheco but is otherwise a talented young bantamweight.

[colourcodedbinders]

Alright, frick.

I really, really hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this. (hold on tight, this is gonna be long. Really long. Super long.)

Chances that our show is coming back are looking bleak. Maybe, in two weeks times, we will have seen the last of these characters that we love oh so much. Maybe, in two weeks time, we’ll hear the last “title of your sex tape,” the last “cool cool cool cool cool”. But that doesn’t need we need to mourn the end of it. The last thing Brooklyn 99 has given us is loss.

With Brooklyn, each and every one of us has gained something. To some, it is joy, to others, it is hope, to others yet, it is courage, and to the rest, it is just pure, unadulterated laughter. it has given us honest, meaningful storylines. It has given us characters that we will undoubtedly love for the remainder of our lives. It’s given us so much that no matter how hard we try, we won’t be able to forget.

It has given us Holt, an openly gay black commanding officer, who was never once, in five years, put down because of his race or sexual orientation. Holt has proven time and again that with hard work, dedication, and honesty, although the immediate results don’t always seem to be the best ones, it all falls into place eventually. Holt has fought for himself time and again, has been the epitome (ooh, nice use of epitome babe) tenacity and courage and a dogged soldier for what is right throughout the series. That isn’t going away. That is staying with us forever.

It has given us Gina, who is proud and unashamed of herself. Gina, who teaches self love and acceptance like no one else, ever. Gina, who grown from a somewhat superficial doink to an accomplished woman with ambitions and goals. She’s grown into a wonderful friend, sister, and mother. Gina isn’t going away. She’s with us always. (After all, Gina Linetti is a state of mind, right?)

It’s given us Charles Boyle, who proves that traditional masculinity isn’t at all what makes a man. Charles Boyle, who is unbelievably kind, selfless, and loving. Charles who has a son and makes him his utmost priority. Charles who will support his loved ones at any cost, who will do anything to protect them from harm, who will quite literally try to sell his soul if it means keeping his loved ones happy. Charles, who teaches that awkward isn’t bad. In fact, it’s a little cool. Charles won’t ever leave us either. He within us, in our hearts.

It’s given us Terry, who takes the scary big man stereotype and flips it on its fricking head. Terry is a man as gentle on the inside as he is tough on the outside, who cares unconditionally for his loved ones and who only ever use violence as a last resort. Terry, who has thre daughters and never once complained, and instead openly talks about how they’re the best thing that have ever happened to him. Terry won’t leave us. He couldn’t if he tried. (Which he wouldn’t.)

It’s given us Amy Santiago, the badass nerd. The ambitious teacher’s pet who stops at nothing to get what she wants. Amy’s made fun of a lot, but never, never is she told (by anyone other than the teasing Gina) not to dream so big, not to aim for the sky. Quite the opposite, really, Amy is told time and again that her determination is her greatest asset, that she’s too good not to dream, that she’s a massive, useful tool. Amy won’t ever leave us. None of us will ever let her.

It’s given us Hitchcock and Scully, the useless buffoons who sometimes prove that they too, are competent where it matters. Hitchcock and Scully teach an important lesson when it comes to loyalty, never leaving each other’s side and trusting each other fully. They are also quite often used as an asset to the team when in the midst of planning or executing a scheme, proving to everyone everywhere that no one is ever totally useless, no matter what it seems. We might maybe want to forget Hitchcock and Scully, but they won’t ever let us forget them. (But really, who wants to forget them?)

It’s given us Rosa Diaz, our badass bisexual biker girl with a heart of gold, Our secretive, scary detective who grew, over time, into a woman who has learned to become emotionally vulnerable in front of those she loves and trusts, without ever losing essence of her personality. Our beautiful, successful, happy character who just so happens to be a part of the LGBT community, whose coming out wasn’t just a flash in the distance, who openly said the words “I’m bisexual” and defended them when faced with her conservative parents. Rosa isn’t only hard to forget; she’s damn near impossible to.

It’s given us Jake Peralta. Jake Peralta the broken, immature man who’s only ever had his job. It let us watch him grow and evolve into someone so much happier, more mature, less selfish, more open and vulnerable and trusting. It’s shown us through Jake, and everyone else, that happy endings are real. That they happen, that all you need to do is find the right circumstances for it.

It’s given us the healthiest couple on television, the healthiest friendships, a family dynamic that quite honestly deserves a post of its own. It’s given us likable characters who weigh in on real issues, who defend our rights, who voice our thoughts, who show us what we’d like to end up as. In its five years, Brooklyn 99 has done nothing but give. 

Last night, we tried to give back. We tried to save it. We did our part, and we’re still doing it, refusing to go down without a fight, but it’s important for us to step back and appreciate all that the show’s given us and realize that at the end, we aren’t really losing anything. All we’ve done in the past years is gain. Gain laughs, gain friends, gain hope and admiration for the world around us. 

Whether Brooklyn 99 comes back or not, it’s important for us to see that it’s never actually going anywhere.

P.S. Watch the next two episodes on F*x and make sure to enjoy them; they’re sure to be amazing. 

(the fact that even after this doozy of a post, I still have more to say about the show is a little baffling to me y’all)

[stormsbourne]

boardgames post

it has now been a week since geekway and it was a shitload of fun. shoutout to @hexmeridian, @bettycrockerscookbook, and @ectogeo-rebubbles for joining elzie, rosa, frozen, and I for the weekend! we had a lot of fun and played a lot of good games! here’s a collective list of what we played and my onions on each of them

(this post is REALLY LONG, this is what happens when you just play boardgames for 4 days)

Valeria: Card Kingdoms - if you’ve played Machi Koro, the mechanics will seem similar. You roll some dice, the dice dictate which citizens “activate” and give you stuff (magic, gold, attack power) and you then use those things to buy other citizens, buy domains (victory point spots that also have neat powers), or kill monsters. Machi Koro meets Thunderstone. I won this one!!! I can’t believe I won it I was seriously gonna go buy it

Sparkle*Kitty: this game is hilarious and a lot of fun. it’s a bit like uno but with princesses, dark magic, and incredibly silly spells such as “itty-bitty glitter kitty.” It also has a “Nights” version (aka, the “adult” edition) up on Kickstarter right now. we had a lot of fun playing this between games and as a filler. also, A+ on the diversity in the princesses. 

Fields of Green: build a farm! each card you lay down (it’s a drafting game sort of like 7 wonders) impacts other cards or plays off how many you have nearby, but you also have to be careful to have enough water and grain to harvest your crops and feed your animals. I had a lot of fun with this one, though it doesn’t have a particularly strong aesthetic imo. farm games are always good. Ecto’s bf won this one!

Indian Summer: this one is ALL aesthetic. do you like tetris? do you like colorful autumn leaves? do you like MAKING ROOM FOR A FOX TO LIVE IN YOUR FOREST? this game is for you. it’s incredibly pretty. elzie picked this one up after the con was over

Hardback: this is a sequel (well, prequel) to a game called Paperback. make words with your cards, but now, with added bonuses for having multiple letters of one genre in it! Have multiple adventure letters? you’ll probably get extra points! Have multiple horror letters? get some free ink remover which can get you out of an iffy situation in the future! LOTS of fun, definitely an upgrade on the already-stellar Paperback. Elzie won this! (Or maybe Rosa? I forget which of them since they married)

Azul: I want to eat all of it. I went over this one in my geekway mini post a few months ago but it’s part set collection, part artistic ... it’s hard to sum up but it’s a very chill game that’s easy to play while having a conversation.

Sagrada: I feel like this game has some of the same stuff as azul but is for a more boardgamey audience. you make stained-glass windows using dice that have to match colored or numbered spots on your window, but you can’t put the same colors or the same numbers next to each other. This was probably one of the most popular games of the con and was completely sold out when I went to the vendor hall on Sunday. (I got a promo card for my trouble though)

Cytosis: THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL. THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL. THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE P-- ok enough anyway this is a game about doing the shit cells do with synthesizing proteins into steroids or enzymes or whatever else and it’s very fun once you get the hang of it -- part set collection and part worker placement. Also, probably really good for teaching life science to eighth-graders. 

Dance of the Fireflies: winner for prettiest boxart, which is some amazing Mucha-inspired shit. You’re growing flowers in your own personal garden by taking them off the flower clock (the thing in the middle) and competing to outbid your competitors for specific colors, which give you special one-time powers. Way thinkier than it looks. Frozen got this one, I believe.

Five Seals of Magic: Roll some dice! then use those dice to break magical seals, or collect spells which can augment your other dice! Play a cool fuckin wizard with an awesome familiar! I’m not sure if I’ve played any games like this before to be honest, though I’m sure if I thought about it some more I’d come up with some. Hex won this one! 

Imhotep: I had played this one at last year’s geekway, I think, but I played it again one of those times when we had to split groups. This game has a little bit of pickup and delivery and a little bit of set collection, but basically every place you can send your stones to gives different points depending on how the stones are arranged. I lost pretty bad at it. I’m good at games I swear, I swear I’

Majesty: For The Realm: I’ve heard this game is sort of like another one called Splendor, but since I haven’t played that one, I didn’t have that comparison. Build a tableau by spending workers to get cards, occasionally attacking other players or benefitting off the buildings they choose to construct, and make a badass city. Rosa won this one!

Not Alone: This is one of those games where all but one of the players are playing against the last one. the final player is an alien creature attempting to assimilate the other players, shipwrecked scientists, into their planet and prevent them from ever leaving, while the scientists are attempting to outlast and outmaneuver the creature in order to survive until they are rescued. Really neat. I’ve played both sides and lost both times. Frozen bought this one. 

Queendomino: played this at minigeekway and it’s still good

My Little Scythe: this one has an adorable fuckin story which is the main reason I’m posting it. A dude was playing Scythe, a good but heavy-ish worker placement game involving war and mechs in 1900s Europe, but his daughter wanted to join in. And wanted to use her my little pony figurines. So he put together a variant of the game that reworked the battles to be pie fights, the resources to be apples and crystals, and generally softened the game. The original designer got word of this and bought the rights to publish it, and, well, here we are. Worker placement game, fairly simple but also pretty quick, especially compared to its original inspiration. This was actually a surprise title at the con -- Jamey Stegmaier, the publisher/developer, considers Geekway his “home” con and put it up on the play-to-win table as a last minute surprise! p cool. There’s literally like 3 copies of it in existence right now. Thanks Jamey

Seikatsu: Set collection with birds and flowers where the angle you “view” the set from matters. Really interesting, but I don’t think I’d ever buy it -- it’s in the same school as Azul where it’s largely a chill conversation game.

The Grimm Forest: You’re a relative of the three little pigs and your job is to build 3 houses (of any type) before any of your other relatives do, using help from fairytale characters and various fabled tricks to get the job done before any of your competitors do. Nice minis, it’s one of those games where everyone picks a card without other people knowing what they’ve picked. Really long despite the simple premise, which isn’t bad, but was surprising!

Xenofera: Catch and cage amazing animal creatures to sell to noble menageries. But be careful -- everybody’s got means to sabotage your cages, steal your animals, or even kill your captains, and the winner can turn on a dime. I enjoyed this one but I’m not sure it’s one I’d buy. Very cute animals though. Almost bought some of the puff duck pins in the vendor hall

Yamatai: as a sailor in ancient Japan, it’s your job to help map out and settle this newly discovered archipelago. I’m ... not sure what I’d call this one, though it has a lot of similar DNA to Five Tribes. It’s fun! I’m bad at it.

Elzie and Rosa played a few different games from me (our group was so large we had to split up a few times) but I believe that’s everything I played from the play-to-win table, which was open Thursday through Saturday. There were some games going on on Sunday as well (I remember Hardback, Majesty, and Valeria, specifically) but then everybody had to part ways.

Was loads of fun. Don’t think we played a single stinker this year.

[theultrablog]

Tabletales #10: Tres Guest Posts

I’ve played with my pal Joel for years. Here are some write-ups:

Ultraberg just DMed a game of MonsterHearts for PublicOpinion, TenWarehouse, and me that started with a slow high school burn between two weirdos and a punk babe and ended with a flaming mansion showdown amongst a demon possessed murderer, a devoted Innsmouth servant, and a bisexual werespider. The details are fuzzy at this point but I'm 100% sure that it was an awesome game that I would love to play again. MonsterHearts flows really well as a *World storygame and all of the tropes should be pretty familiar to most people of our cohort. Very cool.

Adam ran a Troublemakers one shot on Monday and we had a PC experiencing his very first tabletop RPG session. True to form, even though we were all elementary school kids, it devolved immediately into [violent] hoboism. I don't think we met anybody who we didn't immediately assault or rob. There was some plot about a mysterious parade but we went into the woods to drink beer, shoot BB guns, and fight a werebear. The new guy will be back next week.

Gold and I did a one-shot last night (with Gold as GM) with the Masks iconics. Two of our players were completely new to RPGs, but I think they'll be back.

(Hornet, above.) The team was Huma, Dusk, and Hornet. We had been established by the existing heroes as the "New Exemplars," though with Hornet (a Robin analogue) and Huma (Superboy) on the team with Dusk (Raven), leadership was a bit unclear. After an initial scuffle with some drug dealers backed up by an electric knife-throwing supervillain, we stumbled upon an interesting mystery. Not only was Arcknife some sort of a clone, but our new street drug seemed to have no real supply-chain; it was just getting dropped off to distributors. With Hornet's hacking skills, some clues from Huma's younger brother (who had been taking the drug, Chorus, to chase the high he had been missing from not having superpowers yet), and some mystical assistance from Dusk, the team ended up at an old abandoned pharmacy, once believed to be "haunted" by a villain called Polterghost. More recently, it had become a hideout for a gang of nefarious drug dealers whomst had outfitted the whole place with lethal booby-traps. Dusk was enraptured by her connection with the Dark Dimension while trying to scout for us, and beheld a vision of the past: Huma's grandfather battling a giant robot in this very spot, and Rook Industries scientists collecting his fallen blood.

While Hornet stood watch over the mystic, Huma volunteered to take advantage of his invulnerability to disable the shotguns, mines, bombs, and grenades inside the pharmacy...to devastating effect. Unfortunately, this hands-on approach to trapfinding resulted in the demolition of the building.

During the confusion, Hornet dove to save Dusk, and was briefly thrust into the past, where she helped 50s Huma defeat a man in a giant chainsaw mech, confirming what we had learned: Rook Industries had used Huma-DNA to create a new superdrug. With that knowledge, and notes and maps recovered from the demolished building, the team set off to shut down their operation. After a brief cutaway to assemble disguises and reprogram an ID card from Dusk's mother, the New Exemplars found themselves in the main processing room of the Rook facility. Rosa Rook, Evil CEO laughed at them from her transparent office while they were beset by armed guards and Rook's own personal supervillains: Godmode, a hacker with the power to reprogram reality; and Firedrake, some sort of crazy evil woman who could breathe fire and transform into a dragon. Scowling mightily, the team leapt into action. Huma WHOOSHED into a surprised Godmode and ripped of his reality-controlling glove, taking him out of the fight. Dusk used her fel powers to choke the life out of Firedrake. Hornet was left with the rest. In a frankly insane feat of competency, this completely unpowered teen superhero kicked, flipped, and kick-flipped her way through over two dozen armed guards. After taking care of Godmode, Huma went after Rosa Rook. Her plexiglass office may have been impenetrable to his budding super-strength, but the ceiling didn't prove to be quite as tough. Knowing she was defeated, she stood down while Huma activated security measures to put out the fires caused by the team's earlier actions. Firedrake had the upper hand on Dusk and was taunting her about having killed her mother, and Hornet arrived to rescue her teammate from the wreckage. With a final laugh and gout of flame, however, Firedrake took to the skies to seek revenge in the future. Aftermath: Dusk's brush with a fiery death has renewed her conviction to solve her mother's disappearance at all costs, before her connection with the dark dimension consumes her. Huma proved that he's got what it takes to be a real hero and live up to the legacy of his powers. Hornet's remarkable aptitude at combat impressed literally everyone.

Videos of her circulated around the web and put her relationship with her mentor, Mantis, into a new light. Who's the sidekick now?

[patriciagraceewanika]

#theewanikawoman 

Carolyn Gora was one of the first customers to visit EWANIKA after the initial lockdown ended in late spring of this year and the shop was open by appointment only. Carolyn has a personal style, an easy manner and an adventurous spirit that makes you want to know more about her. Trained both as a nurse and a lawyer, she is the Director of Professional Conduct at the College of Nurses of Ontario. With such a demanding job in healthcare, we wanted to know more about how she was managing during the pandemic – how it affected her work, her personal life and her sense of herself. She generously shared some thoughts about why she is driven to do the work she does, and how she balances that with a desire for self-expression, and a need for self-care.

What is your job and how has the pandemic affected your work?  

Our role is to provide standards and guidelines to support nurses in providing safe and ethical nursing care to the people of Ontario. Our primary objective is to serve and protect the public interest including by addressing complaints against nurses, and at the same time being sensitive to the nurses being monitored. The pandemic has been a time of unprecedented stress for nurses and on the whole healthcare system, and while standards of care and ethics can’t be relaxed, everything has to be viewed in that context. We support a mental health and addiction program for nurses, so that competent and qualified nurses who may become ill, get the help they need. We also set up a program to register as many nurses who were retired, newly graduated or who had left the system to come back and help fulfill the emergency need.

Could you share a bit about your background, how you came to do the work you do today? 

Being a child in the 60’s, I was drawn to the larger than life figures in politics - the Kennedy White house, the Pearson liberals, and the Diefenbaker conservatives. I was also deeply affected by the assassination of JFK in 63, and the Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy assassinations in 68. I was in grade 5 when Martin Luther King was killed and I gave a speech about the injustice of it. The protests for freedom, to end the war, for racial rights and women’s rights during the 60’s had a significant impact on my values.

I left school in my first year of university on a personal detour, disconnected from my family, and nursing became the climb back towards self-worth. I took a two-year nursing diploma from George Brown College and worked at St. Michael’s in Cardiology and the Critical Care Unit. It was grounding to work 8-hour shifts - days, evenings and nights with 2 days off and occasionally 3 days off. A shift could be about life and death. I learned about caring for patients and treating people well, regardless of their status, ethnicity, or politics.

I decided to apply to law school. Not having obtained a university degree, I had imposter syndrome, however, I came second in class in my first year. My formative law school experiences included participating in Women and the Law and discovering a book at a conference called Sister Outsider, essays and speeches by Audre Lorde, in particular – the Transformation of Silence into Language and Action, which resonated with me and which I go back to reading regularly.

I discovered the field of professional regulation working at the College of Physicians and Surgeons as the Manager of Public Complaints, and then for the Hearings Office. We dealt with some very difficult cases, but the opportunity for me to combine my experience in health care with my legal experience to protect the public interest was deeply satisfying.

What impact has the pandemic had on you personally and how have you dealt with it?

I have been working full tilt during this period. In the early days of the pandemic I was grateful to be employed and very motivated by my work. I still am, but like everyone, I have moments of anxiety, loneliness and frustration.

I have learned from yoga to breathe and to meditate. Talk to myself. What is happening? What are you thinking?  Sometimes there is a wisdom in anxiety and if you can sit with it and figure what is driving it, you can learn more about yourself, why your buttons were pressed and you decompensated, and how to self-correct, be less reactive and build resilience. I also know to burn off nervous energy through exercise, and my favourite activity of all is kayaking.

I treasure my relationships – and took time to connect with friends. I have very close family relationships, especially with my wonderful niece who I love like a daughter and have tried to support in her life’s journey. I visit my older parents often and feel lucky to have this time with them.

And I have a routine that makes me feel good. I start the day with 2 cups of Pilot coffee and I always get dressed. I put on my clothes, footwear, and jewelry from EWANIKA, even though sometimes no one else can see on Zoom or Teams virtual meetings. It gives me a boost.

How would you describe your style and how did it develop?

Eclectic. Classic with a twist. Sporty.

My mother had an influence on my style and interest in fashion. She came of age in the 40’s and I loved the look of that era – when women wore suits, lipstick and always looked so put together. My mother and her sister both sewed and my grandmother was a seamstress in Poland. I was only 10 when she died, but I still remember a beautiful chartreuse short sleeved silk blouse she made with 50 cloth covered buttons up the back.

Perhaps because of my mother’s influence, I like to put together an outfit. There was a time when those outfits were over coordinated, but I have relaxed that. I still love a monochromatic look, dressed up with a scarf or jewelry. And I love my suits from EWANIKA’s signature line that fit women’s bodies so beautifully. I only feel dressed for business when I put on my Maria de la Rosa socks and boots with a heel.

The sporty appeal for me comes from the fact that I swam competitively from the ages of 6 to 16. My first swim club had a tradition of fresh-water distance swimming with stars like Gus Ryder and Marilyn Bell. I swam Lake Couchiching 3 and a half miles at the age of 9. By the age of 10, I had 10 Canadian records and was referred to in the press as Mini Mouse because of my diminutive stature.

The eclectic part of my look comes from the fact that my work is very serious and I have a desire for something more fantastical and whimsical as a contrast and find it in fashion. I turn to an accessory like my favourite white painted MM6 handbag, or my Mirit Weinstock earrings influenced by traditional Japanese arts.

. . . and what are some of your favourite pieces of clothing or jewelry that you brought with you to the shoot?

A khaki Sophie D’Hoore trench coat. I love the green colour, the cut, the buttons that look like candy. It is classic but with a twist. And the gold and pearl Mirit Weinstock earrings that pop and brighten and add femininity.  

Who do you dress for? 

I dress for myself, head to toe.

Interview by Rachel Low. Photos and styling by Patricia Grace

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From the top, Carolyn Gora is wearing a SOFIE D’HOORE trench coat and sneakers, STUDIO NICHOLSON sweatshirt, HOPE trousers, SOPHIE BUHAI silver ball earrings and pendant and an MM6 handbag; a black wool SOFIE D’HOORE dress, MARION VIDAL necklace, MIRIT WEINSTTOCK earrings and BY FAR lace up boots; and lastly the EWANIKA signature suit with a MAISON BOINET belt. All items are her own.

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Sister Outsider, by Audre Lorde, originally published in 1984 and this copy a re-issue in 2007, presents a charged collection of fifteen essays and speeches by the black lesbian poet and feminist writer. In her writings Lorde takes on sexism, racism, ageism, homophobia, and class, and propounds social difference as a vehicle for action and change. Her prose is incisive, unflinching, and lyrical, reflecting struggle but ultimately offering messages of hope. Her philosophies resonate more than twenty years after they were first published. 

[goldenlandfiascos]

AU where Natsuhi and Eva are a crime duo trying to infiltrate the Ushiromiya vault. Their rivals are Rosa and Kyrie. No one is straight.

It’s late at night. Everyone is sleeping, even the seagulls. Only the light from the full moon shines down to reflect off the surface of the water as two people ride on a jet ski towards an island. This is their big chance to be able to live some of the good life. As they approach closer, the passenger asks in a small, doubtful voice,

“Eva-san… I still don’t understand why we’re sneaking in when you used to live here. …Why not just say we’re visiting and then do what we need to in the night without having to sneak around as much?”

“HA! And where’s the fun in that?” the one driving the vehicle laughs as they cut through the tides more, heading directly towards their destination. It’s only after another moment when she adds, as a mere afterthought, “Besides, with our reputation I doubt Niisan would be very trusting of us.”

And nothing else is said the rest of the way. When they pull up and park their sick ride by the dock, it is so dark that they fail to notice another, equally sick af jet ski parked nearby. As they pick up their guns, that Natsuhi may or may not have forgotten to check to see if they were actually loaded, they set out on their mission: Operation Infiltrate Gold Mine Ushiromiya Abode On Sweet Private Resort Island That Daddy Bought With Gold From a Witch Or Something Like That.

As they make their way up the stairs and prepare to make their next move, they are stopped in their tracks by a nearby explosion that comes out of nowhere. It only takes a few moments before they are met with two other figures coming down the stairs and all four of them stop and stare at each other before one of them speaks,

“Wh-! …What the hell are you two doing here?!” Eva sounds annoyed. But of course she does. After all, she already knows why they’re here, in the dark of night too. One of them knows the place like the back of her hand just as she does.

“Ara, neesan. What a surprise running into you here.” Rosa smiles, sarcasm clear in her voice. What a bitch. Rather than saying anything else, Kyrie decides to jump into the convo and answer what had been asked, raising a bag with a $ imprinted on it for emphasis,

“We’re just doing our usual hobby and robbing the place. Was the explosion not enough of a hint?”

Fucking r00d.

“Might I ask why you two are here though?” Kyrie returns the Q, smiling calmly. It’s clear she also knows why but wants to make it known how dame da zenzen dame da the question had sounded when it was asked the first time. AKA the question was stupid to ask in the first place and Kyrie wants that to be understood when Eva’s the one receiving it. Eva realizes this and responds accordingly,

“We were just on our way to loot the place.” She points her pistol ahead, ready to blow someone’s face off, “Were the guns not hint enough?”

“Oh, I thought those were nerf toys and that you two just came here for a late night nerf war.”

“Oh, there’s definitely about to be a war, you damn bitch!”

Eva pulls the trigger on her gun. No hesitation. She was really planning on shooting that chessboard flipping bitch in the face. However, there’s only a *clicking* sound and no bullet meets face. Only silence reigns for a moment before she looks back at her ✌️“partner in crime”✌️

“な。。。なつひいいい (Translator’s Note: “Na…Natsuhiiii”).”

“I guess….It seems… that I may have forgotten to check if our guns were loaded…” Natsuhi admits to her fatal mistake weakly. In her defense, it’s not like she’d ever make such a folly in canon.

“You were really going to shoot my gal pal?” Rosa looks at her sister with a “nani the fuck” expression painted on her face.

“uh. yeah?” Eva shoots her own “nani the fuck” look back at her. Why the hell wouldn’t she shoot? They all go through this same procedure every week.

“you know, maybe violence isn’t the answer…” Natsuhi speaks but is ignored because the author is having writer’s block even for something as dumb as this. So let’s speed things up.

Kyrie laughs, looking towards Rosa “aw, my sweet cherry blossom dear cares about me so much. Kawaii desu.”

Get that weeb shit out of here.

Rosa’s heart goes doki doki and she turns her face the opposite way, blushing and smiling,

“Oh, Kyrie, stahp.”

“Ugh, can you not?” Eva’s face distorts in disgust on top of still being pissed off at the whole situation.

“Do I sense some jealousy? I know a thing or 2 about that. In fact, Envy is a good friend of mine.”

“Why the hell would I be jealous?”

“Well, because Rosa and I get along quite nicely, as you can see. We go on dates to coffee shops all the time with the money we steal before you even get there to attempt theft. You two, however,” Kyrie gestured between Eva and Natsuhi, “always seem to be bickering and can never agree. No wonder you’re almost never successful in your robberies. If you’d like, maybe one day when we’re not competing in this field, you and I can get together and I can teach you some tips on-”

“I do not want to hear about your lesbian tendencies with my sister!”

Kyrie does nothing but smile and shrug, “Suit yourself. Have fun not being rich.” She pulls out a hand grenade, ready to make their escape.

“Wait a minute!” Natsuhi stops her, “You two already have more than enough money from all your previous trips to places to rob. Why are you even here? You don’t need anymore!”

““We like money.”“

They answer in unison as Kyrie drops the grenade and they both ninja jump off the stairs into the darkness, putting on night vision goggles in the process cuz they can multi-task like that.

Eva and Natsuhi realizing they’ll get fucking rekt if they don’t move, like, NOW, rush back down the stairs, empty handed. Oh well, like their motto: live to fail another day.

They just barely outrun the radius of the blast and struggle to find their way through the darkness, as they lost their not-before-mentioned flashlights. Eventually they find their way back to the dock but

hoe don’t do it

see Kyrie jump on one jet ski and Rosa on the other

oh my god.

“HEY! Chotto matte!!”

“Tell Niisan I said hi! And I’ll send you postcards when you’re in jail!” Rosa rides away into the moonlight along with her “really good friend”.

“….That jet ski was one of the only things we’ve ever successfully stolen…” Natsuhi mumbles to herself in disappointment. Eva on the other hand is freaking out,

“Holy shit, we’ve gotta find a way off this island before someone wakes up and calls the police! …I know! We can steal my brother’s own private boat!”

“That was a nice jet ski…”

“Now isn’t the time for materialistic desires!”

“I could hold onto you while we rode it…”

“NOW ISN’T THE TIME FOR YOUR ROMANTIC FANTASIES!!”

[winterolympicssports2018-blog]

Skier Jan Hudec's body never broke his competitive spirit — until now

Click here for More Olympics Updates https://www.winterolympian.com/skier-jan-hudecs-body-never-broke-his-competitive-spirit-until-now/

Skier Jan Hudec's body never broke his competitive spirit — until now

Jan Hudec wakes up most days feeling like a man much older than 36.

“When I can’t crouch down and play with my son, it’s tough,” the three-time Olympian told CBC Sports this week before boarding a plane to wrap up his 19-year career Saturday at Banff’s Bozo Cup. “And with my shoulder, even lying down is difficult. 

“The best thing would be if I could turn into a snake. Then I could just lie down and still get places.”

Seeing as a reptilian transformation is unlikely, Hudec is instead retiring from ski racing to launch a new career in the (soon-to-be-legalized) cannabis industry.

His sporting resume tells the story of tremendous success: Olympic bronze for Canada in super-G (2014), world championship silver in downhill (2007) and five World Cup medals, including precious gold at home in 2007 at Lake Louise. 

His medical chart documents some of the obstacles along the way including 14 surgeries, eight of them on the right knee. And he needs at least two more operations in the coming months after competing for his native Czech Republic at the 2018 WInter Games in Pyeongchang.

“My focus for the past few years has been to try to hold the body together and make it to Korea,” said Hudec, who fled the former Czechoslovakia as a toddler with his parents in a dinghy. “I am so proud to have been able to represent both Canada and the Czech Republic — my two countries.”

‘I knew my body was broken’

In Pyeongchang, Hudec placed 45th in the downhill and did not finish in the super-G, but he sees qualifying for the Games as a victory in itself.

“By the end I knew my body was broken,” he said. “I did what I wanted to do but it’s a good time to move on. I’m very grateful for everything I’ve been able to experience. I have so many incredible memories.”

True to form, Hudec raced at his final Olympics with a torn anterior cruciate ligament and badly damaged rotator cuff.

“Basically, I just need a new knee — but at 36, no one wants to give me one,” he said. “I need a new right knee. And my right shoulder basically didn’t survive the season. I beat it up all year, and now it’s kind of giving me the middle finger.”

Chaos in motion

One of the true characters in Canadian sport, Hudec is best described as chaos in motion — both on and off the mountain. Known for showing up in the start gate at the last possible second, Hudec could somehow block out all distractions and put down a blazing fast run when it counted the most.

Case in point: two weeks prior to the Sochi Games, Hudec threw out his back in the weight room and ended up bedridden with a herniated disc. At the time, no one in the ski community expected him to even compete at the Olympics, never mind win a medal.

But there he was at the Rosa Khutor Alpine Resort— with nothing to lose — rocketing down the slope and winning super-G bronze to end Canada’s 20-year Olympic drought without gracing the alpine podium.

“Jan went into Sochi and his body had broken down at the most important time,” said former Alpine Canada president Max Gartner. “And he still managed to deliver, which is just an amazing achievement.

“If they say you’re supposed to wear out your body before you die, Jan is certainly ahead of most people.”

No hard feelings

In 2016, Hudec transferred to the Czech team after a dispute with Alpine Canada over funding and concerns about his fitness after one of his many surgeries.

On the brink of retirement, Hudec harbours no hard feelings towards the Canadian federation and is grateful for the chance to represent the country of his birth.

“I’m way too busy to be mad at anyone or hold a grudge,” he said. “I’m still really friendly with everyone at Alpine Canada, even the people who made the decision. For me, it’s too much of an energy drain to dwell on it in a negative way.”

And Hudec needs his energy as he starts the next chapter of his life working for Black Shire Capital, focusing on business development in the burgeoning cannabis industry.

Sitting back and relaxing just isn’t an option for a man who made a living out of ripping down cragged mountain sides at speeds of more than 130 km/hr.

“There’s a huge market for cannabis, and it’s not just in Canada— it’s worldwide,” Hudec said. “I’ve literally never even touched the stuff in my life.

“But maybe I’ll have to try.”

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[stevecanmakeanythingnerdy]

RANDOM RECORD WORKOUT SEASON 4 Battle 22 (The) Pixies: Surfer Rosa (side 1) Vs. Fashion: Fabrique (face 2) (The) Pixies: Surfer Rosa (side 1) I would hope, for your sake, you are familiar with this seminal pillar of the indie rock and alternative music community. But just in case: The Pixies (or just Pixies) are an American alternative rock band formed in 1986 in Boston, Massachusetts. The original lineup comprised Black Francis (lead vocals, rhythm guitar), Joey Santiago (lead guitar), Kim Deal(bass, backing vocals) and David Lovering (drums). The band disbanded acrimoniously in 1993, but reunited in 2004. Deal left in 2013 and was replaced briefly by Kim Shattuck before Paz Lenchantin joined for the band's 2014 tour, and has remained in the lineup since. Basically, Pixies are the "fight club-where is my mind" band. Not just a delicious chocolate nut and pretzel snack, or small, winged, mischievous, woodland fairies. Although the latter did play into WHY the band name was chosen. While not their first release, Surfer Rosa is their first proper studio album. It was recorded by Steve Albini (Nirvana fame), completed in two weeks, and released in early 1988. Surfer Rosa gained the Pixies acclaim in Europe; both Melody Maker and Sounds gave Surfer Rosa their "Album of the Year" award. American critical response was also positive yet more muted, a reaction that persisted for much of the band's career. The album was eventually certified Gold in the U.S. in 2005, but American "success" eluded the band most of their early active years. As aforementioned, the movie Fight Club used the song "where is my Mind" which really kickstarted their comeback, at least unofficially. This album is, flat out A-MAZING from start to finish. Side one contains hit after hit, starting with " Bone Machine". It is all the little nuances, like the off time hook and the brilliant chaos that make this so distinctive and catchy. Male and Female harmonies mixed with an almost "waltz" time signature which inadvertently describe the band perfectly. The band comes at you in 3's. You get more discordant disaster with "Break My Body" and an almost instrumental, save for a few feedback drenched yells, with "Something Against You". As if that were not enough, one of my personal favorite weirdo tunes is next, "Broken Face"- hold that one note and wrap a melody around it. Punk rock but nothing like it all at once. Those odd, painful vocals...those strange lyrical content pairings...it is macabre and distinct. So cleverly original. "Gigantic" is another, well, gigantic hit for fans. In fact, it may be arguably just as famous as the fight club selection. Deal takes a stab at the lead on this one, and I honestly wish Frank would have let her do it more often, as the results are pretty amazing. He was/is (?) pretty controlling of that though. It is probably their most radio friendly tune. Lastly is "River Euphrates"- i love all the little nuances on this one too. Such as leaving studio noise and mistakes, proving it is raw, unfiltered, and REAL. In many ways a blueprint. On the face of it, this is almost an unfair battle, who can compete with the freaking Pixies!!!?!?! They are still active too, in fact, as of this writing a new album is set to drop this fall. Classic album by a classic, god - like - status band. Masterpiece certainly applies to this indie rock classic. I was almost just as excited to review it as I was when I saw it on the random selection! Fashion: Fabrique (face 2) I must be a gambler at heart, because I take a lot of risks on records that look to be promising or interesting musically. I like the obscurity of it all, and sometimes I discover some really great, otherwise unknown music. It gives me the feeling that I know a secret I suppose. Fashion were one of those gambles. Time frame seemed right (early 80's) looks and style and the art were enough to imply this could be some good new wave synth pop. The result is: this is just bad! And not in a Michael Jackson's 1987 Thriller follow up type of way. Not even in an 80's context where bad means good. No, just...bad. Audio vomit. Successful in that the music makes me think of ridiculous fashion runway shows and over the top clothing on thin, drug addled models with too much mascara. You know the kind of outfit like peacock feathers paired with shit brown paper grocery bags for pants. I feel like this was one man's vision, and the remaining band members just wanted to be in a band so they followed suit. So who is Fashion? From their wiki : Fashion was formed originally as Fàshiön Music, in Birmingham, England, in 1978, and consisted of John Mulligan (bass, synthesizer), Dik Davis (drums), and Al James (lead vocals, guitar). James became known as Luke Sky, or simply Luke or Lûke (short for "Luke Skyscraper" - a reference to the Star Wars character Luke Skywalker and the fact that James was tall and thin), while John Mulligan was known simply as Mulligan and Davis as Dïk. At that time, they also founded their own Fàshiön Music label, and they released their first three singles: "Steady Eddie Steady", "Citinite", and "The Innocent". Their sound was varied, playing punk, post-punk and indie repertoire, although Mulligan at that time also had a synthesizer which later characterized the future electro years of the band (sounding like rock bands of the day, as Magazine, The Cure, and Joy Division). Now, if they sounded like any if those comparisons, I would be much more a fan, so apparently I need to start at the beginning. What I have is their later, and honestly probably more notable and successful album, Fabrique. With this album the band saw a significant change in line-up, with James having left the band and Harris and Recchi joining. A more electronic and disco influenced sound arose. Songs like "Love Shadow" and the torturously long "It's Alright" which sounds like an outtake of Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground". The 80's keys are there, but not highlighted. It is almost as if they were living in denial in 1983 that new wave was taking over, and they begrudgingly added keys to keep up with the times. "Whitestuff (shortcut)" is probably the ultimate dick punch here. Goddamnit! Who knew synth- disco 80's was a thing! Screw this! I think my ears are bleeding. Apparently this song was a large part of a Miami Vice episode. "Do You Wanna Make Love?" Is at least MOSTLY 80's, but Frankie Goes To Hollyweird. I actually had t talk myself through the last two tracks. "Slow Blue" especially, and emphasis on the S. L. O. W! Argh! Painful!! Please, just make it end!! Whew! That was intense. I guess you have to balance the good with the bad. The Pixies took 15 minutes to burn off 124 calories over 6 songs. Frank and company averaged 20.67 calories per song, and 8.26 calories per minute. Fashion were a little more forward and took 22 minutes (felt like 50) to burn off 174 calories over 5 songs. That is 34.8 calories burned per song, and 7.91 calories per minute. It should go without saying that the Pixies caught the wave, and surfer Rosa-ed to the top! Pixies win, hands down! (The) Pixies: "Broken Face" https://youtu.be/YgxAwIybQ0g Fashion: "Whitestuff (shortcut )" https://youtu.be/_e1fvIiJiNk #randomrecordworkout #randomrecordworkoutseason4